#hoo boy here i go...

[tiedsh0es]

tried to fit as many oj ships as i could

[afanofmanyhats]

One of my favorite things about Tolkien's writing is that he has a very specific, recurring trope. For lack of a better term, I'm dubbing this the Tolkien Wife-Guy.

This is mainly obvious in the Silmarillion, but Tolkien loves to write couples where the man is a notable individual- nobility, commits a great deed, or both- but the wife is at least equally notable, if not more beloved or powerful. Manwe is the king of the Valar and Eru's main representative in Arda? Everyone loves Varda more, and Melkor fears her more than his own brother. Elu Thingol is the king of the Silvan Elves? His wife is Melian, whose Girdle is the magic that keeps Morgoth's forces at bay. Beren is a chief among the Edain, who befriends animals and survives one of the most nightmarish places in Beleriand? His wife is Luthien.

Even in Lord of the Rings we see this occur, though the couples are on more even footing. Tom Bombadil is... Tom Bombadil, but Goldberry is the River-daughter, and Tom adores her above everything else, and the hobbits are completely taken in with her when she's their host. Similarly, while Celeborn is a mighty lord among Elves, Galadriel is one of the only Noldor in Middle-earth who saw the Two Trees, and her hair inspired Feanor to make the Silmarils, not to mention her own accomplishments in the war against Morgoth. Aragorn is the king of Gondor and Arnor, but Arwen is the Evenstar of the Elves, the descendant of three(?) different royal Elven lines. And Faramir becomes the Steward of Gondor and is one of the noblest men alive, but Eowyn killed the Witch-king, so you know. She got the grander moment for the saga.

But with (most) of these couples, we never get the impression that the man views his wife as Less-Than, or as a junior partner. Thingol is the main exception to this in how he dismisses Melian's counsel, and that's made out to be his foolishness within the text. Otherwise, Manwe treats Varda as his co-ruler, Beren never tries to downplay Luthien's achievements, and I'm pretty sure most of Tom Bombadil's dialogue is about how gorgeous Goldberry is. It's really sweet.

All of these examples really testify to how much Tolkien loved his wife. People rightly point to Beren and Luthien as the prime example of that, but I think you can find it in these other couples too. Even though Edith is mainly known to history as Mrs. Tolkien, it's evident to me that Jirt saw her as a whole person worthy of admiration outside of being his wife.

[rorydrawsandwrites]

HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS!!

Starting it off with- wait what do you mean it's been half the month. No the year just started dude. It was literally yesterday. Look at the calendar it's the first bro idk what to tell you-

Yeah it was taking me ages to finish and then I burned myself out and didn't touch it for a week. Sorry this is how far I got

Also finally revealing some Hedonism City AU designs, granted they're dressed festive for the occasion (even Jax, somewhat). Last year was an honest blast, I'm super thankful for all the love and creativity I've experienced in this fandom and I would like to keep making more amazing stuff together!! <3

Puppeteer AU may have gotten me some fifteen minutes of fame, but I've got other, different ideas that I'm excited to share with you all~

Close-ups under the cut:

[dollya-robinprotector]

British schoolboys assemble!

Reference from this fantastic post of @fraternum-momentum. Thank you so much, Fura-san, for letting me use the concept!! Portraits only under the cut:

And of course, a little bonus for Kylar because the social anxiety boy hid his face too good

[temporary-tats]

Mon Loup

Please send help, Wenclair has taken over my brain.

Per usual, do not reupload without credit/permission. Thanks folks!

(My ko-fi, should you wish!)

[haifischkivenchy]

shameless self promo but i need people to be fully aware that i also draw The Robots and not in fact just yap!!!! i don't actually properly upload my art here though and I don't think it's necessary to reup them on my art blog

[egginfroggin]

Shooting Star

(Frantically telling myself that I'm not going to do this with every member of the zodiac, I'm not gonna do a monochrome portrait of each of them with their symbol in gold haloing their head, I'm not gonna do that I'm not I'm not gonna - *thinks about how to pose Dipper and the grunkles* frickign dang it)

[galacta-phantasma]

The faint chirping of crickets could be heard as another day at Beecher's Hope drew to a close. Most of them live on the property, but those that don't visit so much that they might as well be.

Everyone's crammed into the main house tonight. Javier is playing a gentle melody on his guitar. Next to him, Kieran is building up the courage to ask Javier to teach him how to play, eyes darting between his nimble fingers and serene face. Mary-Beth, Lenny, and Jack are discussing the books they've read recently, the elder two of the trio helping Jack write his first short story. Closer to the corner of the room, Sadie is telling Charles and Arthur how her latest bounty nearly ended with her being catapulted into a river. Amelia - Abigail's spitting image - sits in her grandpa Hosea's lap, babbling logical nonsense the way only a 3 year old could, and he nods along as if she's telling him the world's darkest secrets. Tilly and Karen swap parenting tips as they sew, and Sean, sitting on the floor, is "helping" by adding a drop of blood to every lopsided stitch he makes.

In the kitchen, Molly, Pearson, and Abigail are arguing loud enough to shake the roof as Bessie and Jenny watch on placidly, poker game forgotten, only willing to step in should things come to blows. Jenny flagrantly fans herself with the cards Bessie slipped her. They've yet to notice. Uncle's been passed out for a few hours now, and Grimshaw is beginning to attempt to herd everyone to bed for an early morning none of them are rushing to meet.

And John? He's happier than he thinks he's ever been, hiding his big goofy grin behind his hat, chest fit to burst with all the love in his heart.

...and then he wakes up alone, in an empty house, in a different country. The only noises are the faint creaks of the house settling, the slight shuffle of blankets, and his own breathing. For a brief, selfish moment, he wishes he hadn't.

[clementineofmine]

Heyyo, who else remembers that before he left Five was Viktor's closest confidant? And then, when Five returns in S1 and one of his first moves is to confide in Viktor? And Viktor gives him a metaphorical pat on the head and a thats nice dear and refers him to therapy?

And then in S2 when Five again goes to find Viktor, and Viktor again shuts him down over and over again?

These two deserve a mulligan and a chance to get their shit together, so I wrote it as part of my Same Weird Family post S2 series epilogues (but you can also read it as a one shot) - I've Got Friends in Low Places - enjoy!

[stormypip7]

been fiddling around with some biro pens, colouring pencils and whatnot. i told ye id be drawing this again, didn't i?

anyway this also kinda worked as just practice in general! still kinda messy but thats because im drawing in pens.

[buttercup-barf]

The Character.AI subreddit offered to pit my last six chats against each other, where the top three would protect me against the bottom three. I can only imagine the consequences.

[ask-indigo-park-swapped]

WELCOME TO THE TETHERED ISLES!!!

[a cluster of floating islands drifting above a valley. ropes connect the isles together and keeps them bound to the world - recently cleared to explore, the isles are full of mystery and adventure!]

<RAMBLEY is now unavailable for asks.> <LLOYD is now unavailable for asks.> <SALEM is now unavailable for asks.> <THE SERPENT is now unavailable for asks.>

MOLLIE arrives to the main island of the TETHERED ISLES. She looks around the TETHERED OUTPOST, watching merchants and explorers milling about and interested in a new location to explore. She sees RAMBLEY nearby, assisting in supplying the new Outpost. She spots the TRADER in the crowd; the enigmatic merchant that usually stays in the Snow Line seems to have followed the excitement to the Isles. She spots RUTA in the crowd; an experienced and respected explorer that freely offers ominous but helpful advice.

Clutching her bag of supplies, Mollie is struck by indecision.

==>

also, because i think its funny, heres the original sketch for one that cool sidescroller esque art up there:

its literally just blobshsjdghsd

[sophieswundergarten]

Heyo! I'm going to try and participate in @aprilisthecruelestmonth this year! I am absolutely terrified, and my fifteen works are probably not going to be very long or very good, but I'm kind of looking forward to the reading aspect of it.

My first recommendation is going to be "snakes (and the people they bite)", because I really like how even though it's quite angsty (One of my favourite types; character being made to fight friends) it ends resolved. I think it's a perfect balance, and the author did a fantastic job capturing the characters

[beingfacetious]

OK gang, how are we reading AO3 on our wee phone screens

[imaginealpha]

Tech product guides trying to troubleshoot your issues: lol have you tried turning it off and turning it on again 🧐 I'm not going to read any of the things you said you did, if it doesn't work then get fucked. Go to settings and click this option that you said isn't even there anymore

Reddit: here's some actual helpful suggestions on where to find settings that can fix your problem. We're more reliable than google search. Except for when we just tell you to buy new hardware instead of trying to fix your problem

Some obscure tech blog article from 7 years ago: i *google ad* gotchu *google ad* *google ad* *troubleshooter you never knew existed* *google ad* *solution to your problem*

[seventh-district]

not even gonna try to contain this vent post within the tags bc i can just feel that i'm gonna yap

for the first time in a very long time, i'm watching an old video of me, age 13, playing with my dog on the kitchen floor. and i can barely handle the envious sight of how absolutely free i was. like, i know i've rewatched this video at a few other points in time in the nearly 12 years since i recorded it, but i've never really watched the full thing, paying as much attention as possible to every single detail.

i initially dug it up the other night because it's one of the only videos i have of Sassy on my current phone, and i wanted to.. see her again. but while i was analyzing every frame of the 3min video trying to drag as much of her memory out of the past as i possibly could, it dawned on me in a way it never has before just how unbelievably free i was behaving.

i was on the floor. touching it, sitting on it, putting my hands down on it and then (to my current self's horror and disgust) putting them on my cheeks, touching my face. i sat my drink down on the floor next to me. i picked Sassy up over and over again and then touched my face and drink and then i picked her up again and actually put my mouth on the top of her head to give her a little kiss. i did all of it without a second thought. it obviously came so naturally to me. i was moving around, interacting with the world around me in such an unbelievably normal way that i barely even recognize myself. and i was doing everything so quickly, too. i had energy. i moved (what seems to me now as) recklessly (though to a normal person it is probably just. normally.) and i just touched anything and did anything and. there weren't any consequences. it was fine.

that was roughly 1.5 years before Sassy dropped dead with zero warning and zero explanation and i developed severe OCD.

my memory is too far gone for me to figure out if the two events were cause-and-effect, or simply happened to take place around the same time in my life. it's not like i kept any sort of detailed log of my developing symptoms so i don't know if i'll ever be sure.

regardless, all i can focus on is how nowadays i wouldn't be able to do any of that. nothing aside from my shoes can come into contact with the floor. and i cannot come into direct skin contact with my shoes. if i find myself in a situation where i have to sit on the floor, as soon as i can get up, i have to remove all clothes that touched it and put them in the dirty laundry, and wash my hands, and if i had to touch my phone after touching the floor, i have to disinfect it. i will under no circumstances touch my face after contacting the floor until my hands are washed. i cannot touch or pet or hold either of my pets without washing my hands and preferably removing whatever clothing they came into contact with.

they are not allowed in my room nor my bed. Sassy slept in my bed with me every night. i never put my mouth on their fur to give them a kiss. i gave Sassy head kisses without a thought. they are not allowed to lick me. i used to find another one of my past dog's 'kisses' on my hands to be very endearing and unproblematic. now if it happens i have to wash it off immediately. anything that gets touched between my hands contacting either pet and being washed, i have to disinfect it.

i mean it with my entire fucking heart and soul when i say that OCD is an insidious disorder. having lived with it for a decade now, i couldn't be more aware of this. but, therein lies the exact point i'm trying to make. in spite of knowing that it has wormed it's way into every single aspect of my life, brain, and personality, it's entire nature is defined by the fact that it will do so, and it'll do it in such a way that the disordered mindset becomes your new normal. it had managed to completely overwrite a lot of my pre-disorder memories of how i used to... operate in the world around me. it has entirely altered the way i do every. single. thing. to the point where i just can't even fathom how it used to be any different. if i didn't have videos like this one to serve as proof that things did used to be different, i wouldn't have any basis for what my "normal" ever even was. it robbed me of those memories entirely.

let's fish one example out of the thousands of different ones i've got siting around: i've spent years trying to figure out how i used to take a shower that didn't take me an entire hour. i have no video of something like that obviously, so it just feels like.. like when i try to envision how i used to bathe myself it literally just goes black in my brain. there's no memory or mental images left in there. i can't fathom it. i mush have just been walking around halfway clean. i don't know. i don't understand how anyone can take a "quick" shower and get out feeling clean. my brain just absolutely cannot grasp it because the OCD is all that's left. it snuck in and completely rewrote the code of who i am and how my brain functions and how i perceive the world and i am never going to get my old self back. no amount of medication or therapy can truly, fully undo the damage it's done to my mind and body.

i mean. i have learned to live with it, barely. i wouldn't really call what i do 'living' but i am. surviving. and some of my obsessions and compulsions have the tendency to fade in and out over time, so i've been able to CBT myself out of some of the most disabling ones. showers take 1 hour now instead of 1.5 to 2.

i can read normally again now, after that period of time around uhh 2018 i think where i could barely read since i had to count the letters of every single word i saw. that was a pretty miserable time and i eventually forced myself mostly out of it. but i still slip back into it when i'm exceptionally stressed, which makes written communication difficult. but it's not like you can just explain that to people and expect them to believe you. but the uh. idk what to call it. OCD cranked the pattern-seeking part of my brain up so far that the metaphorical knob broke off and so the uh. like. the ability for me to notice which words have what amount of letters is always there, i'm just good at overriding it now. that's what 'learning to live with OCD' is like for me. the tracks that it carves into my brain never go away, i just get better at overriding them. but certain stupid little rules never really leave you, like if i'm lengthening a word like turning 'no' into 'noooooo' or 'holy' into 'hooooly' then the new lengthened form of the word has to have a 'good' number of letters like 3 or 7 or whatever my brain deems fit.

i can sit small objects down now without compulsively checking that the surface i'm about to sit them on is clean. ...most of the time. that got really annoying but also embarrassing to be seen doing it. having to re-wipe the counter down every time i'd pick up my water bottle and put it back down. trying to do Anything in the kitchen was an absolute nightmare. and yeah it still takes me a long time to cook anything, and there's countless other compulsions that make me dread the kitchen, and yeah i still can't sit large objects down without thoroughly inspecting the surface below them, and. sigh. there's no making this one sound like it's much improved at all. cause it hasn't

at least the compulsion to re-live and commit to memory every possible detail of my dreams immediately upon waking has left me. that's one rare example of a compulsion that has totally left instead of just adapting to be less intrusive. it was so miserable laying there for ages every morning trying to force any shred of memory out of my dreams and then panicking when i oftentimes couldn't remember anything.

anyways. i could and would have to write a literal book to fit in even half of all the examples of every single compulsion i've ever had in the last 10 years. most of them are still with me. some of them are very.. evolved, but most of them are still with me in one form or another. there isn't a single aspect of the way that i interact with the world around me that isn't heavily influenced by my OCD.

i don't expect to ever get to be that 13y/o kid again. and even back then, i was far from neurotypical. mental things were already starting to spiral for me around 11 or so. but none of my other (numerous) illnesses hold a candle to the disabling effect that OCD had and has on me. it's one of the WHO's top 10 most debilitating illnesses in the world, physical health issues included. i think i heard it ranked at #7, ironically enough. that stat might not still be accurate but i can't help but constantly want to quote it because i think one of the most tortuous aspects of OCD is the inability of those who don't have it to truly grasp how much you're struggling. how bad it is. it's taken so unseriously by the majority of those who don't have it, that trying to get across to someone how much you're struggling feels like this constant uphill battle that you never asked to fight.

one of the most difficult things for me to live with is the knowledge that most people just aren't going to understand. or believe me. and feeling unseen while suffering through immense pain is just. it's maddening. and dealing with that exact issue of struggling so much, both in physical sorts of pain and with mental illnesses, and having everyone around me never take it seriously enough.. it has been such a prevalent part of my life for so long that it just. it's slowly driving me fucking insane lol. not to be dramatic. i know i've got a relatively easy life. but there is always gonna be this invisible, bleeding wound on my soul that gets torn open a little wider every time i have to look someone in the eye and try, exhaustedly, to explain the absolute dumpster fire shitshow that i have to live with in my brain 24/7, only to get some fuckass excuse of a response like 'haha yeah i know what you mean! i'm a little OCD too!' and they just like. like seeing things organized neatly and sometimes experience a passing worry that they left the stove on.

and i just wanna say that 'we are playing life on two very different difficulty levels and i don't think i'll ever be able to get that across to you' but no i have to be nice and downplay it and get along bc it's just not worth it. i'm so fucking tired. OCD is exhausting enough to live with, let alone trying to educate other people on it.

maybe one day ill post that stupid excuse of a poem i wrote regarding my frustration with that exact experience.

but like i said, i don't ever expect this to go away. medication only treats the symptoms and i can only force myself to suffer through so much CBT. this will be with me forever, in a significant capacity. i just hope that before i die, i'll get to know what it's like to have someone look me in the eye and understand. not necessarily from personal experience, but to at least know me well enough to be able to understand how serious i am when i say that OCD ruined my life.

but it might turn out that the only place i'll be able to find that level of understanding and acceptance, is when i look in the mirror.

that might just have to be enough.