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magics-neptunes-things · 4 months

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Williamson Holding

Hi guys!

Sooo this is a request from @holly-wallis and honestly it's massive. Like more than 14K words. It took me forever to do it, that's why I haven't post as much as before those last days/weeks.

I really hope that you will enjoy it. I proofread it two times but it's so big that I might have forgot some faults.

TW : Angst, Jealousy, Break up, One-side love, Game lost, mention of Covid. Reader is Leah Williamson's sister.

Gif credit for Caitlin’s one at @teenwolf-theoriginals

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You were an accident. Not really wanted at first, you were born 354 days after Leah, the 18 March 1998. Your parents weren’t ready to have a second child so early after the birth of their first daughter, but you never felt anything but love from them. People joke sometimes that they used the same recipe for Leah and for you. It’s true that you look a lot like her physically and for the character you have definitively some similar points too. You both are determined, loyal, funny, and very close of your family. But the person you are the closest is definitively Leah.

3 years after you, your brother Jacob is born. You like to joke about it and saying that they finally weren’t to traumatize by you more than that. Jacob is your brother, and you love him very much, but your relationship is different from the one with Leah. You like having time with him, but with him being away in Australia now, it’s a little bit harder.

Oh, and like Leah and your mother you’re an Arsenal fan, obviously.

You started football together, but you played the goalkeeper, letting Leah practicing striking and dribbling. You weren’t bad to be honest, but they was to many competition to be a goalkeeper and you decided during your teenager period to go for study instead of football.

You were great in it honestly; Leah sometimes asked you to do her homework when she came back too late from training. You’ll do it with pleasure, happy to help your big sister who paid you generously in candy. Or dried mango, your great passion.

On day after Leah turned 17, she made her big debut with Arsenal senior team. You were so proud of her, cheering her from the stand with all your family. It was very different of what it is now, but you already knew that she would make something amazing in football. And how much were you right.

It was at this period that Leah and you talked about a company that you could make together. Leah was studying accounting in case of her career wasn’t successful and you were very interested in marketing, publicity and human relations.

The Williamson Holding Corporation was founded in summer 2016, when you finished your tuition. You learned several languages (French, Spanish and Mandarin) during your free time and thanks to Leah and your parent’s financial help, you were able to start this adventure. Your company always were able to have a good profit every year. You were able to repay your parents already and Leah always refused, so you made her a founder, just like you.

Through the years, your company get a sponsorship with Arsenal and in particular Arsenal Women, obviously. Along the years, you managed to travel a lot to make your company known in other countries and find other financials, but you always managed to come back to see Leah play. You never missed one of her games, as crazy at it sound.

February 2020 – When you properly met Caitlin for the first time.

“Y/N! Sorry, can I borrow my sister for one second?”

Leah doesn’t wait for the answer to your interlocutor and takes your arm to drag you somewhere else. You let her though, secretly happy to have to finish this uninterested discussion with that weird man. You note mentally to be sure not to invite him to the next gala.

“Where’s the dead body?” you ask your sister who rolls her eyes.

“Don’t joke about it, we’ll get catch by Covid otherwise.”

You roll your eyes yourself, but don’t say anything. You just wait to your sister to stop at some time, for what she almost kidnapped you. You end up right in front of Caitlin Foord, the new signing for Arsenal. You already saw her to the games, you smirked when you caught her looking at you two time before realizing that you weren’t Leah, the first time she saw you. To her point, you were wearing Leah’s jersey.

“Cait, my sister. Sis, this is Caitlin.” Leah introduces you, before leaving you both to catch someone else.

“Uh, hello?” Caitlin mumbles with surprise, apparently not advertise that Leah were going to introduce you both.

“Hi” you giggle. “Nice to be properly introduced to you. Please excuse my sister, she isn’t the one who studied human relations.”

Your giggles and your joke help Caitlin to relax and you’re happy to see her smiling too.

“I can see that” Caitlin answers with her Australian accent.

You had a small talk with her about Australia, a country where you never been for now. You really looked to it though, and not only to have the opportunity to make your company bigger. Jacob and you always talked about going there for holidays. And after talking to Caitlin, you will definitively go to the east part of the country.

You were joined by Katie McCabe and the three of you started talking for a long time after that. Caitlin asked you several questions about your company and seems surprised to learn the amount of work you are putting in it.

“She’s a natural” Katie smirks “Everyone comes eat in her hand, she can make people do whatever she wants.”

You smirk back, raising an eyebrow while crossing your arms on your chest at the same time.

“Not everything with everyone.”

Katie doesn’t have the time to answer anyway, because Leah is back with her Williamson’s frown.

“No flirting with my teammates Y/N!”

“I wasn’t! I wouldn’t have any problem with Irish mafia.” you answer, thinking about Katie’s girlfriend.

You raise both of your hands to prove your innocence. Katie and you aren’t really flirting, it was more for fun and for joking with each other. Katie laughs while Leah hums for any answer and changed the subject just after that, training you, Katie and Caitlin in the discussion.

The night went great, and you are happy to be able to have some time with Leah’s teammates who are also your friends, especially the ones who are in the team since a long time. You get along pretty well with Caitlin too, who would accept really quickly to at least make a photoshoot and a sponsoring for your company. Unfortunately there is suddenly the lockdown and you weren’t able to do it before that.

October 2020 – The shooting

“Hi Y/N!”

You smile to the employee who greats you when you enter the building where the photoshoot for Caitlin was attending. Being at every single one is something you do every time, so your employees aren’t surprised to see you coming. You great them back, asking around if everything is fine with everyone. It seems to be, so you go to find Caitlin.

The Australian girl is just coming out of the room where she changed her clothes and find herself right in front of you.

“Oh hi! I didn’t know you will come.”

“I like to be here for this kind of things” you answer with a smile. “How are you?”

“I’m fine thank you” she smiles back.

“Y/N are you ok if we start?” the photographer asks.

“Of course. I’m going to sit here.”

You look at your phone on the way, answering a message from one of your managers before sitting on a chair some meters away from the different cameras. Caitlin doesn’t seem to be at ease at first, but soon she finds her way. You have a perfect and entirely trust in your team, but you have already red too much time how people can make other bad with their comportment, and you clearly don’t want that in your company. That’s why you don’t have a lot of employees too. That and the fact that you love have the control on everything.

After several shots, the photographer decides to make a break and you come over to see what the pictures look like. They are great to be honest.

“I really love this one” you smile, pointing one of the pictures.

Caitlin’s blue eyes are really showing in it. You haven’t realized how blue they are since now to be honest. You then raise your gaze on the girl, just to cross the same blue.

“I think this is my favorite too.”

You hum, before congratulating the photographer for her job. It’s the first time she does it for you, but you will certainly ask her to work for you again. She’s young, like you, and you like the idea to help young people to start in their life. Provided they deserve it, of course.

They take other pictures after that, and you choose five of them to post on the social media.

“Do you want to go to eat something?” you ask Caitlin when everything is finished.

You don’t always have the time to do it with everyone, but when you can, you do it. Like you said before, almost every girl in Arsenal is your friend. You know some of them more, like Jen Beattie, Katie McCabe, or Lia Wälti who are the closest to Leah to be honest. But you like all of them. You didn’t have the time to meet Steph Catley for now though. It probably will be coming soon.

Caitlin accepted your offer, and you take her to one of your favorite restaurants.

“I didn’t expect to eat at Nando’s to be honest” Caitlin smiles after you sat at your table.

“Oh” you answer, looking up from the menu you know by heart. “We can go somewhere else if you want, I thought – “

“No, it’s perfect here. I like it. I used to go there with my Mum and my sister a lot back in Australia.”

You smile softly, relaxing a little bit. People seems to forget sometimes that you are still a young woman who can enjoy eating burger or fries with her fingers.

“How are you settling in London?” you ask after the waiter came to take your command.

“Good, actually. The rain is something else, but the girls are great.”

“I heard you especially like the Swiss part” you smirk.

You laugh when Caitlin blushes. Leah told you about Lia and Caitlin relationship several weeks ago, when they start to date officially. You don’t have to tell Caitlin how you know it though; the girl understands it really quickly.

“Leah talks too much” she smiles nevertheless. “What about you? Are you seeing someone?”

“Not for now” you shake your head, adding when you see Caitlin’s questioning look. “I mean I had some dates slash fling with someone but it’s hard to be in a relationship while working so much. Girls seems to have a hard time understanding I will pass my family and my job before something else. I can understand though, so it’s better for me to be single for now.”

“I didn’t know you were into girls too. You really are Leah’s copy.”

“Maybe” you smile.

Your sister is your favorite person ever. You will never be upset to be compared to her. In your eyes, she’s the most amazing person in the world.

“I am lucky to be able to see her so much. I won’t be able to deal with it as good as you do.”

“It’s very hard sometimes. Because of the lockdown and all I wasn’t able to go back to Australia. I haven’t seen them for almost a year now…”

You wince at the sadness suddenly present in Caitlin’s eyes, regretting to have point this. You are interrupted by the waiter and your meal coming for you, but you excuse yourself anyway.

“I’m sorry to bring it up. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know, don’t worry” Caitlin smiles softly. “I will see them soon now.”

You look into Caitlin’s eyes for some more seconds to be sure that she’s saying the truth, before nodding slowly. She seems to be honest, and you are really relieved. Starting a friendship like this would have been the worst way. You finally smile back and report your attention on your plate just after Caitlin did.

The following of the conversation is a little easier, talking about Arsenal helps a lot. You talk to Caitlin about all the little things she maybe didn’t know for now and learn a lot of things about her and her past. She talked to you about her childhood and the financial difficulties her mother had, raising two children as a single mom. That makes you realize one more time how lucky you are to be where you are now. This kind of stories remember you about it and it’s never enough in your opinion.

October 2021 – The surprise

Unlike Caitlin was hopping, she wasn’t able to see her family as much as she wanted. She went in Switzerland with Lia though and told you that it was a very great time. You thought about her sometimes, remembering the trouble her eyes did to you, but you erased this kind of thoughts very quickly. Caitlin was in a happy relationship and there is no way you even look at a no-single lady.

You managed to build a friendship with her though and you sometimes went out with her, Lia, and Leah. You had a great time every time and you decided that it was perfect for you like this.

Caitlin opened herself to you about missing her family, but the tickets to come in London from Australia were expensive and you know that she doesn’t mean it like that, but you don’t think twice before contacting Caitlin’s sister and offering to them the tickets. They refuse at first, but you managed to find the good words. And, not for the situation being strange, you included Lia in the surprise.

After all, Caitlin was your friend and Lia was her girlfriend.

The Swiss woman went to the airport to take Jamie and her mother back to Caitlin home. Leah asked the team to put some interview or media things for Caitlin at the right time, to let you and her decorate Caitlin’s house with the most too much decoration ever. There is a banner writing “Surprise” on it, yellow and green balloons, an Australian flag, and you even managed to find a kangaroo balloon who is floating around the living room.

“That’s so kitsch. I love it” Leah smirks.

You giggle while looking around. You have to admit that you made a great job together. Two seconds after, Lia and the two Foord were coming inside the house. After some greetings and hugs, they looked at the decoration and approve it too.

“So, I guess this is our time to leave.” Leah says while looking at you.

You nod and prepare yourself to take your things to leave. It was without counting on Caitlin’s mother opinion.

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” Simone asks with her Australian accent. “You helped to do that; you’re definitively staying.”

“But – “ you start.

“No but.”

You see Jamie, Caitlin’s sister, rolling her eyes at her mother antics, but you don’t have time to say something else because Lia comes, running from the entrance where she was looking outside.

“She’s here! Hide!”

After a moment of panic, Jamie and Simone hide behind the couch while Leah and you went to the kitchen. Two seconds later, the door is open.

“Lia? You’re home?” Caitlin asks.

“In the living room, Love.”

You hear the characteristic sound of keys dropping on a wood furniture and Caitlin walking to the living room. You can’t help but peek in the room, Leah doing exactly the same thing a second after, her head above yours.

“Surprise!”

Caitlin probably had a heart attack, but you can’t help but smile seeing her face. Lia is doing the same thing while Jamie and Simone went to hug the shocked girl. You smirk seeing Leah getting emotional, what’s coast you a slap on the head. You send her the Williamson’s glare, but she doesn’t seem to be impress by at for a single second. Which probably make sense.

After some tears and explications, Leah proposed to serve the Champagne she choose to celebrate the reunion. Your sister and you try to escape one more time to let the Foord in family, but Simone doesn’t let you one more time.

It’s a little bit later that you find yourself alone with Caitlin, while you were looking for something alcohol free to drink.

“Lia told me what you did. I don’t have the words to thank you enough.”

Of course, Lia isn’t the kind of girl to take credits for something she hasn’t done. You smile and shrug at Caitlin.

“You don’t have to. I was happy to do that for you.”

Caitlin bites her lip and looks in your eyes.

“You know, when I mention that the tickets were expensive…”

“I know you weren’t saying it for me to do that, Cait. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.”

“Ok.”

You smile again and were ready to go back to the living room, but Caitlin surprises you by giving you a hug. You weren’t expecting it to be honest, but it’s still pleasant. You hug her back, tightening her briefly against you.

“Thank you” she mumbles.

“You’re welcome.”

Spring 2022 – The Breakup

“Caitlin and Lia broke up”

“What?”

You stop your movement, your chopsticks between your mouth and your plate. You were having dinner with Leah in her house, like every Monday when you are in London. Leah snorts when the noodles fall back in your plate, making some sauce splash your shirt, but that’s not what you are concentrating on.

“What do you mean they broke up?”

Leah shrug et finish her chicken before answering you.

“It happened this weekend, Lia called me Sunday evening.”

“What happened?”

You were shocked. Lia and Caitlin seem to get along very well the last time you saw them.

“Nothing much. Lia said they just went apart and that her relationship was more comfortable than passionate now.”

“So, they’re ok?”

“I don’t really know for Caitlin. But Lia was still very upset about it. They are still friends and care for each other obviously, but they aren’t a couple anymore.”

You frown only, not really sure what to do about this information. Lia was a good friend of yours and you kind of have avoided Caitlin since you make her family come to England. You realized that day that you were too impacted with her happiness to be only a friend. In your mind, she was with Lia and this relationship would be like forever. It was to protect yourself too, falling for someone who isn’t single isn’t really your thing.

“Did you have news from Caitlin?”

“No” you answer, eating again. “I mean I saw her at the last games but that’s all.”

“Mh.”

“What?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing.”

“‘k.”

Several hours later, you were on your bed, your phone in your hand and the conversation with Caitlin opened. It wasn’t used since your birthday, Caitlin sent you a message to wish you happy birthday, but nothing since that.

Writing to her isn’t a good idea, even if she’s single now, she still in a middle of a breakup. But you still can be a good friend to her, right? You just have to put your feelings away.

From You Hi Caitlin, I heard about your breakup by Leah. I just wanted to tell that if you need someone to talk or something, don’t hesitate to call or write me, ok? I hope you’re ok. Take care of you.

You feel stupid to send her something like that after reading it again. It’s kind of cliché and you hate it. But surprisingly, Caitlin answers you relatively quickly.

From Caitlin Hello, thanks for your message. I will do and I hope you are ok too.

You bite your lips, not really happy about the answer. But in another way, what could you have expected? You didn’t really talk since last year and you were avoiding her like the plague. It’s only your fault.

After that day, you keep checking more frequently with Caitlin, asking her if she needs anything and how she is feeling. From what she answers, she was around a lot with Jordan and Katie. Your sister broke up some weeks ago with Jordan after longs years together, so that’s maybe the explanation of why Leah stays a little away of Caitlin.

You start to talk a lot and when Caitlin starts to be the first to write you can’t help but feel a strange something in your stomach. You also went to eat or drink something, your friendship slowly beginning to start again. You have to admit that you missed her. But she never said or show you anything to make you think that she missed you the way you do.

You think it’s better to have her in your life as a friend than not to have her, though.

Autumn 2022 – The New Season

You never missed a single match from Leah’s team since she plays for Arsenal, so there was no way that you will miss this one too. It’s the first game of the new season and you just came back from your holidays. You went some days with Leah in Ibiza before flying to Dubai with a friend.

You just have time to go home, take a shower and put your Arsenal jersey before coming to the stadium.

“Here she is!” Leah says happily when she sees you.

She hugs you like you haven’t seen each other in months and not ten days. But you hug her back, kissing her cheek before she releases you.

“Someone got a tan” she smirks, taking a step back to have a better look at you.

Unlike Leah, you have the ability to tan. Leah just gets red when she exposed herself without protection. You roll your eyes but don’t respond anything, your attention being catch by a certain Australian striker coming in your direction, five steps away from Leah now.

“And you’re not with your girlfriend?” Leah asks, a teasing smirk always on her face.

“Girlfriend?”

By now Caitlin is just next to Leah and was able to hear your sister. You roll your eyes at her antics before answering.

“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s a friend.”

You frown when Leah snorts and left saying something like “yeah sure”. You watch her leave several seconds before turning to Caitlin.

“She’s not my girlfriend” you say again.

You don’t know why you feel the need to assure that to Caitlin, she probably doesn’t give a single shit about it. In fact, she smiles at you and pass an arm around you to salute you. You didn’t talk a lot a lot during those ten days, the different timetables were insane.

“It’s good to see you” she says before letting you go.

“Good to see you too. How is the comeback from Australia?”

“Still a little jet lag, but I’m fine.”

You smile at her and take the time to really look at her. You don’t do it a lot, scared to fall for her again. I mean, harder. Because now that you have thought about it a little more, you remembered that Leah always told you not to even flirt with one of her teammate. Falling in love with one of them would be worse than everything. You know that she will react very badly to you in a relationship with one of them. You are scared to lose her; Leah will probably never forgive you if she learns that you are in love with Caitlin.

“You look good” you smile sincerely at her.

“Thanks”

You both hear someone calling her on the back, the drills are going to begin, and she has to go.

“Hey, are you still in London tomorrow?” she asks suddenly.

“Yes, why?”

“There is a new place near mine, and they are making brunch who look stunning. Do you want to come?”

“Sure” you smile. “Text me the address and the time.”

After a nod and a smile, she’s gone where she’s needed. The game went great, they got an easy win. And you try to stay impartial when Caitlin got carded.

Christmas 2022 – The New Delivery service

You were at your parent’s house with all your family, without counting Jacob who stayed in Australia this year. Your mother was sad but thanks to a long video call during the moment when you all opened your presents, she seems a little less sad about it. You eat way too much, drink maybe a little too much too. That’s why your mother more or less forbade you to take your car to go home.

Leah stayed too and you are both chilling in one of your parents’ couch with a hot tea. Some Christmas movie is on TV, but you are in a food coma and can’t really focus on it to be honest. You are cuddling against Leah who is playing with your hair.

“Have you heard from Caitlin those days?” your sister asks suddenly.

“We said Merry Christmas to each other this morning, but I guess she’s sleeping now given the time. Why you ask?”

The friendly relationship you have with Caitlin is known by a lot of your friends and family now. And despite all your efforts, you are now deeply in love with her. Seeing her at least both a week don’t help, but you can’t help yourself. When you’re not asking, Caitlin proposes you something and you can’t say no to her.

She told you during autumn that she doesn’t feel very well in her life sometimes, so you made the statement to keep an eye on her.

“She asks to have a mental break. I’m not sure when or if she will come back from Australia. She will miss the first trainings for sure.”

“She didn’t say anything to me” you frown.

She doesn’t have to, to be fair. You are just friends, you’re not her best friend or her sister. She doesn’t owe you anything. But you are still worried.

Later, in your room, you are thinking about a way to send her a message. You don’t want to accuse her of anything or make her feel more pressure. You don’t want to take a place you don’t have too, you sometimes wonder if she’s not having something with Jordan, which would be a little strange maybe. But once again, she doesn’t owe you anything.

From You Hey, I’m sorry if you feel that it’s not my place to ask. But Leah told me that you needed a mental break, so I was wondering if you were ok?

You wait some minutes before thinking again and realizing the stupidity of your message.

From You Forget my question, it was stupid. You asked for a mental break, of course you’re not ok Can you forget those messages please?

You stop there not to look even more strange. You cringe when you throw your phone somewhere on your bed before deciding to go take a long and hot shower. You roll your eyes when your father menace you to make you pay their hot water bill but don’t say anything other than a “Sorry Dad”.

You smile when you hear Leah laughing from her room, before going back to your childhood bedroom. You have a double bed since you are eighteen so you can lay down crosswise it in your towel and look at the ceiling how you want. You soon start to think about how weird your messages to Caitlin were, so you take your phone again.

Just to see that you have two missed calls from Caitlin.

You call her back without waiting a single second, putting your headphone while you wait for her to answer. You realize that it was a FaceTime call only when she answers you with a black screen.

“Hello” she says in a sad voice.

You may be only imagining that because you learned about her need of a mental break only two hours ago.

“Hi. Sorry I missed your calls.”

“Don’t worry. Were you in the shower?”

“How do you know?” you frown.

“You literally are in a towel?”

You lower your eyes on your body and facepalm mentally. If you had one pound every time you humiliate yourself in front of her, you would have been way richer by now.

“Oh shit. Can you wait for a second?”

She hums and you put your phone on the bed to put a shirt and some panties, mentally insulting yourself. You take the time to take a big breath before going back in your bed and taking your phone in your hand.

“Are you still in bed?” you ask, curious about the black screen.

“No, I’m still in my room though. I just… I don’t know. It was stupid to me to call you in FaceTime.”

“Don’t worry. How are you feeling?”

“I’m tired. Like mentally tired. Being at home made me realize that I don’t have a lot keeping me at London right now.”

That hurt. But you don’t say anything, planting your nails deep into the skin of your palms.

“What are you talking about? You have friends here; the girls of the team love you. And the fans too.”

“The fans aren’t really happy of me right now, I’m not able to score a lot and making my job right. I keep disappointing everyone.”

“You have the right to feel a little uneasy, that doesn’t take away from you what you achieved those last months, you know.”

Caitlin doesn’t answer, but you hear her sight a little bit. You don’t know if it’s something to hide some tears and you feel your heart break a little imagining that. You let several seconds pass before talking again.

“What can make you feel better right now?”

“For real? One of the brunches we eat.”

You smile hearing that. The place next to her house became one of your favorite spots to eat together. You really love it too, maybe because you share a lot of secrets and laughs here.

“Really?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Nothing.”

You are lying. An idea had already pop in your head and you feel your brain running while you’re planning something in your head. Caitlin knows you enough to realize that you are up to something. You hear some shuffling, and you imagine that Caitlin just sits on her bed.

“What are you thinking?”

“Nothing” you answer, smiling.

“Y/N. Don’t you dare do something stupid.”

You did. The morning after the call, you went to the restaurant, took Caitlin usual command, and jump in the jet who belongs to your company. You don’t usually use it for long trip like this, but you wanted to be in Australia as soon as possible.

You feel a little bit stupid with your suitcase and the bag where Caitlin’s food is. You ask for it to be wrap carefully and explain that you want to take it on a trip, without mentioning it was a very long trip. Thanks to the fridge, you are sure that you won’t poison Caitlin.

You told to Leah that you have an urgent meeting somewhere in Australia with a possible investor that you can’t ignore. She’s a little bit gutted not to be able to pass New Year with you, but you promised to bring her some Lamington to eat with her tea. In fact, you’re not really lying, you do have someone who is interested by your company in Australia. You just aren’t really obliged to travel here to talk to him.

You swallow with difficulty when you are in front of Caitlin’s porch, hopping that you won’t have to face her mother or her sister. You didn’t mention to Caitlin that you were coming, so if she wants you to go away, you just will. You still have some things to do in Australia, you weren’t totally lying to Leah. You just hide the fact that your priority was to see Caitlin.

You take a big breath before knocking on the door. This is a bad idea. Maybe the worst idea you never had. Why are you so good in your job and so stupid when it concerns the girl you are in love with?

But you don’t have the possibility to stress even more, because soon the door is opening. Caitlin looks at you like you are a hallucination or something.

“Um. I have a delivery for miss Foord?”

You let your suitcase in the car you rent, so you just have the bag with the food in your hand. You lift it to show it to her and it doesn’t take her more than a second to recognize the logo.

“Y/N, what the hell?” she mumbles, taking it in her hand.

“I… Uh. Well, I have stuff to do in Australia for the company and I thought that because I’m on this part of the globe, it could be great to please you.”

You’re lying. And very bad. Caitlin is looking at you like you are crazy, and you can’t blame her, you made a 24 hours journey to take her some breakfast and see her. She’s not supposed to know the truth, but you feel like she has some suspicions. You feel yourself blush and offer her a small smile.

“I better go. Enjoy your food and see you later.”

Maybe you’ll go let yourself die in the middle of the Australian’s desert. With a little luck, some snake or scorpions are going to come to bite you and you will die in atrocious suffering.

“No, wait!”

She grabs your arm with her hand, and you turn in her direction. She’s looking at you with a strange gaze, that you don’t know from her.

“Do you want to drink something? We don’t have Earl Grey, but I still can make you a tea if you want to.”

“Ok” you smile softly.

Caitlin doesn’t let your arm go and took you inside. It’s very quiet and after several seconds you ask her if her mother or sister are here. She answers no, her sister is now leaving with her fiancé and her mother is working today. You nod, secretly relieved to know that you won’t have to face Simone for now. You’re pretty sure that she understood when you saw her the last time the real feelings you have for her daughter.

“Where are you staying?” Caitlin asks while you look at her making you a cup of tea.

“At Park Hyatt”

“In Sydney?”

You hum and she frowns while giving you the cup of tea. It’s fuming and because you are drinking a lot of tea, she knows that you like it with sugar and milk.

“And you wanted to go back in Sydney just after giving me the brunch?”

“Brunch that you aren’t eating, by the way.”

Realizing it, Caitlin takes the bag one more time before taking out the different packages. She still looking at you discreetly, but you busy yourself by drinking your tea.

New Year 2022-2023 – The New Beginning

Caitlin proposes to you to stay at her home and not to go to your hotel, but you refused. You don’t want to bother Caitlin or her mother. That doesn’t mean you don’t see Caitlin; in fact, you see her every day for several hours.

She even invited you to come to the party her friends are making for the New Year. You accepted, after asking her several times if she’s sure that you won’t be a burden. The third time you ask, she threatened to knock you out with her vegemite pot, so you stopped.

And when you’re not with Caitlin, you work. You don’t have the possibility to see your brother who is on the other side of Australia. You almost lost consciousness when you learned that it takes 41 hours by car to get to Perth. So, you promise Jacob that you will see him before going back to England. Still with your jet.

You call Leah and your mother every day, but you are still focused on your goal to make Caitlin comes back to London with you. She seems a little down to be honest, but she seems to be better day after day. It gives you hope.

“Would you like to stay her to sleep tonight?” Caitlin asks on the 31th December while you were sitting next to her on the couch.

“Oh… I don’t know, I still have my hotel room.”

“Come on, it’s like 2 hours from here. And if you drink, I would rather that you stay here. My Mother will sleep in one of her friend’s houses anyway.”

“Yeah, ok” you mumble. “Wouldn’t let you all alone I case you’ll be scared.”

You can see Caitlin’s smile from the corner of your eyes. You hate the pleasant feeling with the fact that she seems to care about you. One thing is sure, this trip doesn’t help you about how in love you are with this girl.

You never talked so much with Caitlin before now, and you never were so close of her. Like right now, you are watching TV and Caitlin’s legs are on yours. You put your hand on the knees of the Australian like it’s nothing, mechanically drawing shapes on it. Sometimes she put her head on your shoulder, and you have to concentrate yourself to stay cool about it.

You grab something to eat before going to take a shower and prepare for the party. You know that they would have been pictures of the night so you tell Leah that Caitlin invites you to pass the night with her and her friends, you know your sister would have been worried to learn that you are alone tonight. Or sad. And you don’t want any of it.

To be honest, you haven’t taken an outfit for the party, you thought that you would be alone in your hotel room. So, you have to shop in Sydney to find the right one. You were getting ready in Jamie’s old bedroom and were looking at yourself with skepticism when Caitlin comes to knock on the door.

“Can I come in?”

“Yep” you simply answer.

She enters the room, and you want to cry. You always had something for her with her hair down and with the outfit she chooses, she’s just breathtaking.

“You look stunning” you say, without thinking about the consequences.

You are surprised to see her blush and hide your smirk by finishing to style your hair.

“Can we take a picture for my sister?” you ask to the Australian woman.

She nods and you briefly hesitate between a selfie or a mirror picture. You choose the second one, posing with a smile and the V-form with your fingers while Caitlin is sticking out her tongue.

You send the picture to Leah with Caitlin looking above your shoulder. The proximity makes your heartbeat faster, but you try to keep it cool one again.

“Are you ready to go?”

You follow Caitlin outside and in the Uber you command to go to her friend’s house. Knowing you both will be drinking, it’s safer this way. You already met some of Caitlin’s friends during your stay and they all are very friendly. But tonight, they will be more of them. The house is pretty crowded already when you arrived, and you are relieved to feel Caitlin grabs your arm.

“Stay next to me, yeah?”

You thank the World for Caitlin being a little shy at first and making her able to understand that you might not feeling ok surrounded by a lot of stranger people. You take the excuse to cross the house to slip your hand in hers. Her hand is soft and warm, and you miss the feeling when you have to let her go.

Caitlin introduces you to some of her friend’s you haven’t met for now. And if you notice the interested and non-subtle look of one of them, you act like you don’t realize it at first. But then, she starts to talk to you so much that you almost don’t have the possibility to pass time with Caitlin.

At some point, you even lose sight of her. And you don’t like the idea, what if someone get close to her? In the way you dream of it? You don’t know if you would support it to be honest, not after being so close of her.

“Come on, let’s dance!” Julia tells you, taking you away of your thoughts.

She takes you on the part of the house being dedicated for the dancefloor and you follow her without saying anything. You look around to see if you can see Caitlin, but it seems like she’s not here. You distract yourself by dancing with Julia who is a pretty good dancer to be honest.

At some point, she comes closer to you to be able to be heard through the loud music. Her hand is on your hips and her mouth right next to your ear.

“It’s a shame that you live so far away. I really would like to know you better.”

You sigh internally, wondering how someone can flirt with you with such facilities when you can’t even make a hint for Caitlin to understand how much you care for her. You don’t have time to answer anything, because there is suddenly someone taking your arm and you recognize the softness of those hand before turning around.

“Mind if I take her back?” Caitlin asks.

Julia raises both of her hand in sign of surrender with a smile. She says something like “Talk to you later” but you don’t really listen to her, your eyes being plunged in Caitlin’s one.

She looks upset, but her voice is calm when she speaks to you.

“I’m going outside. Would you come with me?”

“Sure” you smile softly.

She hadn’t let go of your arm, but you pass your other around it to be sure not being separated from her during your journey to the door. You feel pathetic but you’ll do anything to be able to be close from her. Everyone seems to be here by now and the house is very crowded. With the music, the laughs, and the discussions, going outside is finally a good idea.

There is no one in the garden and the fresh air makes you shiver. But you prefer to be concentrated on Caitlin who has a wrinkle between her eyebrows from frowning. She sits on a low wall, and you follow her to stand next to her, looking at the moon to forget how much you want to touch her.

“Are you ok?” you ask after several minutes of silence.

“I am” she only answer, looking at the horizon.

It seems to you that she is not, but you don’t say anything else. You thought that she asked you to come with her to talk or something, but it seems like you were wrong. Caitlin doesn’t stay silence for long though, turning suddenly in your direction.

“No, in fact I’m not.”

“What’s up?”

“I’m trying to figure out things, and I can’t. And I really need to do it now because otherwise I think I’m really going to become crazy.”

She seems angry and desperate at the same time. She’s talking with her arms, a thing that she usually doesn’t. Hopping to help her to relax a little, you come near her, putting your hand on her knee.

“You can tell me everything, you know that right?”

She sighs, passing a hand on her face. You have the feeling to understand what she think, and that it’s the fact that she doesn’t know where to begin.

“I just… You came here from your appointment but you brought me food just because I mentioned the day before.”

“Yes” you confirm quietly.

It’s maybe better for you not to precise that you went to your appointment because you came here. This feels maybe a little creepy.

“And you told me that you start writing me and talking to me more because you heard by Leah that I was struggling after my breakup with Lia.”

“Yes” you say again.

“Why did we stop talking by the way? It looks like suddenly we grow apart?”

You shrug only, not knowing what to answer to her. You obviously take care not to cross her eyes when you answer.

“Why did you come back anyway? After my breakup?”

“Because I care for you” you answer, looking at her carefully.

“I think I need to know how much you care about me” she says slowly, and you are happy to be in the dark because your cheeks are bright red. “Please, Y/N. Because sometimes I feel like you like me as a friend and sometimes, I feel like there is more than that. But when I tell myself that, you kind of back off and everything is strange and blur again. Just like tonight, I thought that we would pass the night together, but you kept dancing with Julia and I understand because she’s fun and beautiful. But I hated to see you with her, and everything is… blur. And I really need to understand.”

It's your turn to stay silence, because where the hell could you start. You are not closed to answer to her questions, but you are scared because what you have seems so fragile to you.

“Are you interested in me more than a friend?” she finally asks.

Well, maybe you should have talk before because this question is very difficult to answer. Not because you don’t know the answer but because it can change anything. You swallow your saliva with difficulty before answering. You can’t lie to her.

“Yes. I am.” you mumble.

You hear Caitlin taking a big breath before expiring and you just can’t look at her. You hear the people inside getting excited and you wonder if it’s because it will soon be midnight.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Caitlin asks quietly.

“Because I care about you! At first you were in a relationship, and you seemed so happy in it and why in the world would I be between someone and their happiness? Then you broke up with Lia and you seemed so sad and so lost, and I didn’t want to take advantage of you in any way.”

You were talking fast, and loud, the feelings of all of it taking over the rest. You were struggling too, so much, but it was easier anyway to keep all of those feelings inside.

“And now? Why didn’t you say anything?”

You sigh and shrug. You just admitted that you were basically in love with her since day one, what can be worse than that anyway?

“Because I prefer to have you in my life as a friend than to take the risk to lose you.”

There is a moment of silence and just before Caitlin start to talk again, you hear the other people starting to count the seconds before midnight and the New Year.

“You are an idiot.”

10… 9… 8…

You hear Caitlin talk and even if the words could have been harsh, you have the feeling that she is smiling. You just have to look at her to see that she actually is, not her big toothy smile, but the small one. Her smirk.

“What?” you ask.

“You’re an idiot, Y/N Williamson.”

7…6…5…

Caitlin jumps from the small wall she was sitting on to come closer to you. You are frozen, you just watch her move to be right in front of you. You can smell her perfume, see how much her eyes are blue. She looks at your eyes too, before that her eyes drop on your lips.

4…3…2…

She cups your jaw with her hand, so tenderly that you just want to melt only with that gesture. Your heart almost went out of your body when you realize that she’s leaning to you, still letting you the possibility to back off if you want to.

You don’t want to.

1…0

Just when your lips met, the firework of the city irrupts in the sky, being a pretty good metaphor of what you’re feeling inside right at this moment. You are finally kissing the girl you are in love with and she’s kissing you back. She even put her hand in your back to press you against her while her other hand left your jaw to be on your neck.

When the air became an issue, you press your forehead against hers, without being able to suppress the big smile on your face. When you open your eyes, you see that she’s looking at you, offering a shy smile.

“Do you want to go home? To talk about all of this?”

“Talking?” you smile softly.

“Well, maybe kissing too, a little bit.”

16 August 2023 – The World Cup

You shouldn’t feel that way. It’s the semi-finale of the Women World Cup in Australia and your national team, England just won it place for the finale against Spain. You distractedly prevent your sister from jumping from excitement, so as not to make her knee injury worse. You would probably have been happier about the results if Leah were on the pitch, to be honest.

You are looking at your girlfriend’s silhouette, sitting on the floor. You can’t express how much you would like to go on the pitch and hug her tightly. You know how much this game meant for Caitlin and the rest of her team. Seeing her away from you from only several meters when you weren’t able to see her from almost two months is hard too.

You chose to hide your relationship with Caitlin to anyone around you, except Caitlin’s mother who definitively can read way to easily into people. So, you weren’t able to explain to your sister why you felt so moody those past days, the distance between you and Caitlin being hard to deal with. You can’t explain how much you missed her. Even if you call each other every day, it wasn’t the same.

You were busy helping Leah with her injury though, taking her to every single of her appointment, letting Lia Wälti doing it when you weren’t able to. Since Caitlin left, you went to live to Leah’s. And when your big sister told you that she was coming to Australia to the match, you came too. You even were able to see your brother this time.

After the game, Leah took you to the locker room to meet her teammates and you hug the ones playing to Arsenal. And Alessia Russo, who is coming for the new season too. You were talking to Mary Earps when you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. Excusing yourself, you get out the locker room to answer when you see Caitlin’s ID on the screen.

“Hello?”

“Hi. Are you still in the stadium?”

“Yes. Where are you?”

“I just went back to my hotel room. Everyone is so sad, I can’t look at them right now.”

You pout, hearing that said sadness in Caitlin’s voice too. You can easily imagine her on her bed, still her Matilda’s jogging.

“I’m so sorry Babe” you whisper in your phone, looking around you to be sure that no one is around. “You played great and I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks” she mumbles before adding “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, so so much. When are you going back to London?”

“Two days after the game against Sweden. They still want to make a celebration about all of it in Sydney. Are you still staying to watch the finale?”

“Yes, Leah got us tickets. I’m going back the day after though; would you like to go back with me instead?”

She hums only and you’re not sure that she really understands what you ask her. You are not angry or hurt anyway, you know that she has to deal with the lost and the sadness of it. You just want to make her feel better.

One hour later, you were waiting for her to answer to you in front of her door. You managed to sneak inside the hotel and left Leah with Keira and Georgia. You are not sure that she realized you were missing, so happy to be able to pass time with some of her closest friends.

You knock again when you realized that no one is answering, not too hard. You don’t want to attract anybody’s attention. You were tense, scared to be seen by someone. Thanks God, Caitlin finally opens her door and looks at you like she’s seeing a ghost.

“Are you alone?” you whisper.

“Yes, but…”

Just like her mother would say, no but. You entered the room and immediately pass your arms around her neck to kiss her. Caitlin needs several seconds to realize what is happening before kissing you back.

“What are you doing here?” she asks gently when you release each other.

“I missed you. And you are sad and being just dozens of meters away from you without being able to talk to you killed me.”

Caitlin smile sadly, taking your hand to make you sit on her bed. Unlike you were thinking, she changed her clothes and is wearing a short with a hoodie. It feels very soft when you take her against you to hug her. You close your eyes, letting yourself invade by her sent.

“I was looking at you every time I was able to. You are hot in a jersey, but yellow would have suits you better than white.”

She pulls gently on the white t-shirt you’re wearing, a number eight with Williamson on the back, of course. You smile softly, kissing her temple. She snuggles closer to you, passing on of her leg on your own.

“Have you eaten something?” you ask.

“Nah. I’m not really hungry for now.”

“What about a bath?”

“I already took a shower.”

“Ok, I’m asking the question again. What about a bath with me?” you ask after a sigh.

You feel her smirk against you, and she sit on the bed to be able to look at you.

“You mean I’ll have the possibility to get you away from this horrible jersey and having you naked against me by the same move? I’ll be crazy to say no.”

You roll your eyes and throw a cushion at her before getting up from the bed. You then go to the bathroom to start running the water, waiting patiently to find the right temperature. You check your phone just to be sure that Leah isn’t looking for you when the tube is getting filled, and then you go back to Caitlin in the room.

“It’s ready when you are Babe.”

You give her both hands to help her to get up from the bed, which she doesn’t hesitate to take. But, as she gets up from the bed, she’s not following you to the bathroom like you thought she would. She passes her arms around your shoulder, holding you tight against her.

Understanding what she needs, you hold her back, even firmer against you. You are higher from several centimeters from her, not so much though. But you like the way she can easily hide her face in your neck without taking strange position. You rock her softly, kissing her cheeks and her hair several times, only to release her when she’s ready.

“Thanks for coming here for me” she whispers against your skin.

“Every time” you smile sincerely, looking tenderly at her.

She smiles back and cup your chin with her hand, before following you to the bathroom this time. You try to make her go alone in the tub; you really just want her to relax. But you finish with her in it, massaging slowly her back.

You know her team has special masseurs and that they are definitively way more skillful that you are. But seeing how your girlfriend has her eyes closed and let you do whatever you want, it must not be unpleasant. Except that the moan and whispers she’s making are making you think about something else, and please everyone forgive you, but you don’t had sex for two months and your girlfriend is naked in front of you.

“Why d’you stop?” Caitlin mumble with a pout.

You are glad that she’s sitting in front of you and that she can’t see your face, because you are bright red once again. You don’t want to take advantage of her, she’s upset and tired. You kiss her shoulder though, getting her hair out of the way. You love her with her hair down. Have you already mentioned it?

“Isn’t it time for great footballer to go to bed?”

She groans and turn around to face you. You are trying hard to just look at her face and not being distracted by everything else. But then she sits on your lap, and you have to get out of the water right now.

“Why are you so tense?” she frowns. “You may be the one needing a massage.”

You laugh softly and decide to be honest with her since not talking about your feelings made you lost time before. And you are a very bad liar. You bite your bottom lip before answering.

“I haven’t seen you in like two whole months, which mean that I haven’t touch you from two months, Caitlin. And you are naked on me and I’m really trying to be a good and caring girlfriend without sinful ideas because I know how much disappointed you are, but you make it very hard. Plus, the water is getting cold.”

The realization appears on her face, before being erased by mischievous smile.

“We still can put hot water in it.”

In the end, you add hot water on the tub several times. When you emerge from the bath, you are as tired as Caitlin, and she doesn’t need many pleas to make you stay with her. You were planning to go back to your hotel room that night to be honest. But you don’t. You answer to Leah who wrote you to tell you that she’s sleeping with the team and asked you if you want to go with her before going under the cover next to your Aussie’s girlfriend.

You lie face to face with her and smile when she starts to stroke your face.

“You are so beautiful.”

You roll your eyes and smile.

“You need to sleep Foord; you are starting to get delirious.”

She frowns and hit your forehead before leaning to kiss you. You smile against her lips and when she turns around to let you cuddle her from behind, you don’t need more than several seconds to fall asleep.

Hours later, you are waking up of your peaceful sleep by a deep voice with an Australian accent.

“Caitlin Foord what the hell?!”

Caitlin jumps next to you and you groan, hiding under the cover. Before you understand what is really happening, your girlfriend took Mackenzie Arnold by the arm to take her with her in the bathroom.

“Why the hell is there Leah Williamson half naked in your bed?” Mackenzie whisper-shout from the bathroom.

You roll your eyes, rolling on your back to grab your phone. It’s more than 9 in the morning, you really should have put an alarm on your phone. Thanks god, there isn’t message from Leah for now.

“It’s not Leah” you hear Caitlin answer.

“I have bloody eyes you know?”

Now that you realize what is happening, your heart is pounding. Mackenzie isn’t a close friend of Leah, but you know that her girlfriend is a good friend of Alessia who is a good friend to Leah. And you. But more to Leah. And you obviously can’t let anyone near Leah know about your relationship.

“It’s not Leah! … It’s her sister.”

There is a moment of silence and then

“You are in so much trouble. Leah is going to kill you.”

“I know! That’s why you have to shut your mouth Macca, even with Kristy.”

Mackenzie snorts and even you can’t see it, you easily can imagine Caitlin’s imploring look. There is a sigh, and you sit on the bed.

“Alright, I’m not saying anything. But you really should have chosen someone else to get over the lost.”

“It’s not just… We are together, actually. Like in couple.”

“Oooh that’s why you are always glued to your phone?”

“It’s not really the time to talk about that right now” Caitlin points.

She’s right, but you can’t help but smile at this. You are happy to have a good abonnement though, otherwise you will probably be poor because of your phone’s bill. There is some more noise, and the door handle goes down before the gesture suddenly stops.

“Not a word to Alanna too, please.”

“Promise.”

After that they are both out of the bathroom and you smile awkwardly to Mackenzie before she waves at you and get out of the room.

“I’m so sorry.”

Caitlin looks so tense that you almost feel sorry for her, but you are really stressed too. You shouldn’t have stayed the night here. Sighing, you get up from the bed to look for your clothes.

“It’s not your fault.”

Caitlin hums and while you are getting ready, a question pops suddenly in your head. You look up at your girlfriend who is sitting on the windowsill, looking outward. She’s still in her pj’s with her bed hair.

“Cait?” you call her softly.

She just turns her head in your direction. To distract yourself a little bit, you braid your hair while asking the question bothering you.

“I shouldn’t be concerned about Mackenzie coming in your room at random hours of the day or night, right?”

Her face goes soft, and she breaks the few meters between you to stop right in front of you.

“You don’t have anything to be worried about” she answers, slipping a rebellious lock of hair behind your ear. “No one is in my mind apart from you. Plus Macca has her own girlfriend.”

“Ok.” you smile before hugging her.

You stay in her arms longer than usual. Saying her goodbye is hard even if you know you will see her again in several days now.

April 2024 – The Fight

It was several months after the World Cup that Caitlin mentions for the first time to talk to Leah about your relationship. You were still hiding at that time, just like you are still doing now. You refuse to do it, saying that it was too early and explaining to her again why you can’t do that for now.

She understood your place but then she talked about it again in January, when you had to wait for several days to have a date to celebrate your first anniversary. The date being the First of January, you were obviously passing the day with Leah and your family. You gave her the same answer, it’s too soon and you don’t want to fight with your sister when she’s about to come back on the pitches from her injury.

But now, Caitlin is talking about it again and you can feel how much she’s frustrated about it. You try to make everything to distract her from that idea. You took her on trip just the two of you, using once again your jet to gain time. You are sleeping at her house every time you can. In reality you would love to be open about your relationship, in front of your friends and family at least. But you can’t take the risk to lose or disappoint your sister.

“It’s been a year and three months, Y/N.” Caitlin is saying, frowning like never before. “Leah is back on the pitch; we won the finale against Chelsea and your last deal went well and there is nothing holding us now. Well, except you.”

You sigh, pitching the base of your nose. You don’t want to fight with her. It happens almost never to be fair, only when you are talking about this.

“I can’t do it now, Babe. I just… I don’t know how Leah would react and I can’t take any risks.”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

“I can’t, Caitlin.”

She snorts and cross her arms on her chest. She’s hurt, you can see it. You try to take a step to touch her, but she backs up from two steps where you took one. Your arm falls stupidly against your hip.

“Come on, you can’t ask me to choose between you and my sister. I told you since the beginning why we can’t talk about it to people.”

“Why are we even together then?” she asks coldly.

The question hurts but you decided to ignore the feeling to stay honest to your girlfriend and make her understand your statement.

“Well I don’t know, because I love you?” you answer, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t feel like it’s really the case right now.”

“Don’t say that” you frown too. “You know that I love you.”

But Caitlin is shaking her head and starts collecting her things around your living room. She’s shaking and you try once again to make her stop. Your arguments have never been deeper.

“Baby, please…” you start but she cuts you.

“No. I can’t do that anymore. I can’t stay with you if that means we’ll never evolve in any way. I just can’t.”

You feel numb when you look at her putting her shoes and taking her vest. You follow her like a lost puppy in the entrance, trying once again to grab her arm. You are successful this time and she stops her movements.

“Where are you going?”

“Home. Let go of me now, please.”

You just obey, slowly releasing her arm. There is a lump in your throat when you talk again.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

Your voice is hardly even a whisper, but Caitlin doesn’t miss it. Her blue eyes cross yours when she looks up over her shoulder.

“Talk to you soon.”

And then, she’s gone. You try to call her of course, texted her too, but she never answered. It’s with puffy red eyes and tears on her face that Leah finds you under your covers in your bed several hours later. She got scared when she doesn’t receive any answer to her text and just come to your home.

She hugs you at first, helping you to calm down to be able to talk and explain what is happening. You hesitated at first, before telling her everything. Well, almost everything because you never mentioned Caitlin’s name or the fact that she knows Leah.

“Tell me her name and I will go on her to make you cry like this.”

Your big sister managed to take you out from your bed to go to the living room and made you drink water and eat something. There are still tears running on your face from time to time, but Leah takes the time to wipe them gently each time.

“She just broke up with me. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Leah makes a grimace before taking you back against her for a new hug.

“If she can’t wait for you, it means that she didn’t deserve you, Love.”

“Can we stop talking about her? Please.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

Leah puts the TV on, starting a random show and you try to concentrate on it. You can’t really, but you are still so thankful for your sister. The way she listened to you talking, holding you while you cry like a crazy woman without pushing you to know anything else makes you think that maybe she wouldn’t have scream if you talked to your love for Caitlin. But it’s too late anyway. Caitlin doesn’t want you anymore.

********

Two days after, on Saturday, Leah took you to the game. She almost hasn’t left your side, only to go to training. You are still working though, losing yourself in work. Like you always did before Catilin.

“What’s happening to your sister?” Lia asks Leah during the training.

Your sister turns in your direction, watching you several seconds before sighing. She’s aware that Caitlin isn’t far away from them, but she doesn’t know where your problem comes from, so she answers anyway. Caitlin is supposed to be your friend after all.

“She’s navigating through her first breakup” Leah answers, still looking at you.

Your mother is sitting next to you, she has her hand on your shoulder. Leah explained to your parents what was happening to you and of course your mother is looking for you like you are dying. You are looking at the pitch, but Leah can tell that you aren’t really looking. Unless you’ve discovered in yourself a passion for corner posts.

“Oh? I didn’t know she had someone.”

“Me neither” your sister sighs. “She’s like this since Wednesday but she doesn’t want to tell me who she is.”

Next to your sister, Caitlin gulps nervously when she crosses Steph’s gaze. Caitlin is a mess since Wednesday too. She took the decision to leave, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy for her. She almost called you a thousand times. She missed you and wasn’t able to hide her sadness with the people who know her the best. Steph Catley is one of them.

“What?” Caitlin snaps at her teammate.

“Nothing” Steph answers, still looking at her suspiciously.

Caitlin went back to the bench nervously to grab something to drink, looking discreetly in your direction. Now your mother is talking to you, and you are looking at her, but Caitlin knows you very well and realizes how destroyed you look. Of course, it made her sadder than ever, but she still has her point. She wants to move in with you, be able to talk about her girlfriend to everyone one, she wants to take you on date in London and not only seeing you in one of your apartments. She wants to be able to walk holding your hand where you both live, not in the other side of the world. She wants to be able to take a plane without needing to hide in the airport.

You were hopping that Caitlin will be benched today, but she’s starting just like Leah. Which means that you will have to look at her for 90 minutes, knowing that you lost her.

It’s a great game to be honest, and while your mother feed you with fries and chicken nuggets (it’s a family thing) you are able to distract yourself enough not to cry while watching your ex-girlfriend.

Leah is sub at the 78th minute and Caitlin is still playing. You would have preferred for her to go on the bench too, particularly when she got hurt five minutes after that. The tackle wasn’t clean at all and you know right away that Caitlin is hurt. Like really hurt. You don’t need to see the stretchers coming for her, you don’t need the concerned looks of her teammate or Katie shouting at the girl taking Caitlin down.

You are up of your seat instantly, trying to have a better look of what is happening. They take longs agonizing minutes to get Caitlin out of the pitch and you run in the locker room in hope to be able to see her. But you just run into Leah.

“I’m going to the hospital to be with her” your sister explains to you. “I’m not allowed to go with her to the ambulance so I’ll take my car.”

“Can I come with you?”

“Sure.”

You are relieved that she doesn’t question you, but once again Caitlin and you are supposed to be friends. Even close friends. You follow Leah to the parking, and she’s ignoring the fan calling her name for the first time. You are so nervous that you want to throw up and you are glad that your sister isn’t talking, otherwise you are not sure that you will be able to contain yourself.

One of the Arsenal’s medics is waiting for you when you arrive, and he takes you into a private waiting room. From now, you just have to wait. Sitting next to Leah, you put your head on her shoulder and are glad that her cuddle instinct is so high when she passes her arm around your waist to hug you. You really don’t deserve her love; you were lying to her from months now.

Leah was scrolling on her phone for what feels like hours when someone comes in the waiting room.

“Are you here for miss Foord?” the medic asks.

“We are” Leah answers while getting up. “How is she?”

“Right. So, her leg has a doble fracture, but those are sharps break so she normally doesn’t need any surgery. She’s in a lot of pain though, so we give her something to help her. She also has a big bruise on the knee, but it will resolve itself. Would you like to see her?”

“If it’s possible, yes” Leah nods.

“Only one person for now.”

Your sister turns to you and you shrug, trying your best to smile at her. You would kill to be able to see Caitlin right now, but she doesn’t know that you are here. And you’re not sure that she wants to see you. Probably not.

“Go. I’ll text or ring her mother.”

Leah nods once again and follow the male nurse to Caitlin’s room. There are strange machines in the room, but Caitlin is up.

“She’s under drugs. She might be a little out of it” the medic whispers to Leah before leaving the room.

The noise of the door makes Caitlin turns her head in Leah’s direction. The blonde gives her a smile and take a chair to sit next to her.

“Oh. Wrong Williamson.”

“What?” Leah laughs softly while sitting up.

Caitlin is speaking like she’s half-asleep but when she looks at Leah, your sister feels like she knows very well what she’s saying. At least that the words are real.

“I would rather see your sister.”

She shrugs and wince, the drugs making her head feels fuzzy.

“Well she’s here, I still can ask her to come if you want” Leah proposes kindly.

“She’s here?”

The surprise on Caitlin’s tone is astonishing to Leah, who frowns a little while looking at her friend. She knows how much time you pass together, well for the brunch or this kind of things. Not really that you passed almost every night together when you are in London. Unless it’s a Monday and you are at Leah’s.

“Yeah?”

Caitlin stays quiet for several seconds, before sighing and looking at the window. The view isn’t amazing to be honest, just the parking lot of the hospital.

“She wouldn’t want to see me anyway. I fucking broke her heart.”

“What are you talking about?” Leah frowns deepens.

She doesn’t mean to take advantage of Caitlin under drugs, but it’s about you and you are the person who is the most important in her life. It’s not a one-side thing, you are Leah’s person as much as she’s yours.

“We had a fight Wednesday because I wanted to tell you about our relationship or at least that she really thinks about telling you. But like usual she had excuses, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I love her so much it’s hurt. I just want to be able to hold my girl in public and tell the world how wonderful she is. Who travel the world to bring someone fucking pancake? We were amazing and now we are nothing and a fucking prick just broke my fucking leg and I just want to her to hug me. But she can’t because I fucking wasn’t patient enough with her.“

Leah is stunned. And not only because of Caitlin’s unusual use of swear words. She never though a single second that Caitlin and you were more than just friends. Or that the Australian was the reason of your tears for the last days.

“I know that she loved me, but she loves you even more Leah. She was so scared to lose you. But now I lost her. And I’m really tired.”

“You should sleep a little maybe” Leah mumbles.

Caitlin sighs and close her eyes.

“I’m going to see my sister, will you be ok alone a little bit?”

“Yeah” Caitlin breath before opening her eyes. “Will you tell her? That I love her?”

Leah hesitates some seconds before nodding and smiling softly.

“Yeah. I will.”

She watches the Australian woman closes her eyes and falling asleep as soon as her eyes are closed. Her mind is running, trying to understand what she just learned. She feels like she isn’t really here when she finds you still sitting on the waiting room. You immediately spot her concern look and get up from your chair.

“Is everything ok? I just wrote to Caitlin’s mother that she will be fine?”

“Yeah, she just fell asleep.”

You let a shaky breath pass your lips, really relieved. Your sister still looks pale, but maybe it’s because of those white walls?

“She has a message for you though, that she asked me to tell you.”

“What is it?”

You are curious to know and look at your sister who cross her arms on her chest while looking at you.

“She asks me to tell you that she loves you.”

Well now you might be whiter than Leah. Your big sister watches you become paler than ever, she watches your eyes widen too and how you open your mouth several times to talk without anything coming out.

“What were you thinking Y/N, really?”

You could cry right now. You passed months perfectly hiding your relationship to Leah, giving you probably the onset of an ulcer due to anxiety, and some drugs from a public hospital is going to break all the efforts you made?

“Leah, I’m so sorry” you began, begging while looking at her. “Please, I never wanted to hide something to you, I swear.”

You were panicking. You just lost your girlfriend and now you are about to lose your sister too. The two most important people in your world, sorry to your mom.

“I just don’t understand” Leah says, shaking her head.

You probably are going to have a panic attack.

“I…”

“I don’t understand” Leah cuts you “How you might have thought that I will be mad at you for being with someone who made you happy?”

You don’t understand and you probably don’t look very intelligent with the way you are looking at Leah. She’s still frowning, but you realize that she isn’t mad at you, she just seems lost.

“You said several times that I wasn’t allowed to flirt with one of your teammates, Le” you point, whispering.

“I said flirt because I didn’t want some of hormonal footballer taking advantage of you! Being in love is something else.”

“You are not mad at me?” you ask shyly.

“Of course not, you idiot. I love you more than anything, your happiness is what comes first.”

Leah rolls her eyes and reach out to you. You don’t hesitate to go in her arms, relieved by the unexpected turn of events. The nose in her hair, you whisper :

“I’m sorry for keeping things away from you.”

“It’s ok” Leah says softly, squeezing you a little harder. “I’m sorry you were in so much pain.”

She kisses your cheek and let you go, not without taking you by the shoulders to have a better look at you.

“We are going to make things better between you and Caitlin now, if it’s really what you want. Ok?”

“I’m not sure she’s still interested. She really is mad at me.” you shrug.

“Please. She told me I’m the wrong Williamson, if she doesn’t take you back, I’ll send her back to Sydney.”

********

When Caitlin wakes up almost three hours later, the sun was gone and the room is almost in the dark. There is a small light on the nightstand, and she needs some seconds to remember where she is and why her leg is hurting like hell. She groans and try to roll on her side, her back sore to have been in the same position for hours now. But her leg hurts more, and she opens her eyes, grimacing slightly.

Then she sees you and froze several seconds.

You were already looking at her, like you were doing since you entered the room. She doesn’t seem really peaceful while sleeping and your heart hurt to see her in pain.

“Hi” you whisper, in case her head is hurtful.

“Did I really told your sister than I’m in love with you or was I dreaming?”

You look at her several seconds, trying to see in her eyes if she’s stressed or anxious before answering.

“You ask her to tell me that you love me, but I guess it’s the same thing.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok” you say, coming closer to the bed. “It’s not what bother me now. How are you feeling?”

“Ok, I guess. Thanks god we are at the end of the season. The doctor said I will be ok to play for the Olympics.”

“That’s a good new”

Caitlin hums and you look at your hands, lost in your thoughts. It’s maybe a good think that she hasn’t ask you for now to get out of her room, but you chose not to push your luck too much.

“I uh, I’ll let you in peace now. I wrote to your mother and your sister to reassure them, but Beth came with your phone and other stuff like one hour ago” you explain while getting up. “You can write to them if you want to.”

“Oh… No wait, please. Can you stay? Just a little bit?”

You hesitate for several seconds, looking at Caitlin before answering anything. You want to stay, of course. You finally slowly sit down again on the chair.

“Thanks” she mumbles. “Look, about what I said to Leah…”

“It’s ok” you say again, shrugging. “She isn’t mad.”

“No?”

You shake your head, playing with your nails and fingers without looking at her. Caitlin knows how much Leah means for you so you’re pretty sure that she would have feel guilty if Leah was mad at you.

“Is she not mad because she knows that we are no longer together, or would she have been even if we were still together?”

“I think she would have been ok. If that was the case.”

You hear Caitlin takes a deep and big breath, making you look at her. You can’t read the feeling on her face, so you are happy to see her talking again. You don’t know what behavior you can have with her now, are you still able to ask her all the questions you want?

“I don’t know how to say that” Caitlin sighs. “But is there a chance that we maybe try to make things better between us?”

“Better like in being friends again?”

You see Caitlin rolling her eyes and you understand quickly that you haven’t guess right. You are surprised to see a small smile on her face despite the situation you are in.

“How can you be so clever when it’s about your company and so obvious when it concerns relationships?”

You roll your eyes too, used to being criticized about your lack of ease in human relations when they do not concern your job.

“Yes, because you are the most sociable and none-shy person in the world yourself.”

“Touché.”

There is a silence, during which you are looking at each other.

“Can you forgive me for running away the other day?” Caitlin asks softly.

“Only if you forgive me for believing during all this time that my sister wouldn’t accept our relationship and how I was wrong.”

She smiles again and you smile back at her. You get up when she asks you to sit next to her by patting the bed next to her. That place being the other side of her injured leg, you oblige.

“I don’t know how explain how sorry I am. I shouldn’t have left like this.”

“I get it. It wasn’t a pleasant situation. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you or anything.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I am too” you whisper.

After one second of hesitation, you put your head on her shoulder, and you close your eyes when she put her chin on your head.

“So, what now that Leah knows?” Caitlin asks.

To be honest, you don’t really know. Today was a lot of feelings to deal with and you don’t even know where to start. Your girlfriend (?) seems to understand what is happening in your head, because she kisses tenderly your temple before talking.

“What about I get out from here first?”

“That sounds good” you smile softly. “And from here, you come right to mine so I can take care of you.”

“Perfect.”

You watch the Aussie laying down on the bed and you turn on your side to be able to look at her better. With your finger, you are tracing random patterns on her arm. You know that she’s falling asleep but you need to ask the question.

“Cait?”

“Mh?” she answers, without opening her eyes.

“Are we back together? Like, are you my girlfriend again?”

She snorts and snuggle closer from you, already half-asleep.

“Yes we are. Weirdo.”

#woso imagine #woso x reader #woso fanfics #woso one shot #caitlin foord imagine #caitlin foord x reader #caitlin foord #leah williamson #leah williamson imagine

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fkinavocado · 5 months

Text

a very indulgent exploration of what could've, should've been...

Don't Worry Darling (SPIN-OFF) - Masterlist, Author’s Notes & Warnings / alternatively, read on wattpad

Part One (word count: 6.2k)

“... Jack? Excuse me, Jack? Is that really you?”

The man reluctantly stopped in his tracks and turned around, recognizing the woman but having forgotten her name. “Oh… hi there, uhm…?”

“Emma. It’s Emma. You remember me, right?”

“Yeah, you’re, uhm… you used to work at the hospital…”

Emma approached him, noting he wasn’t keen on breaching the gap himself. Poor fellow, she thought. He looked a mess. She was surprised she’d even recognized him. “Oh, I’m still at the hospital! How are you, Jack? You know, we’re all worried about you. Why didn’t you take us up on our offer, hm? We’d have loved to help you any way we could… It can’t have been easy. Gloria told us she came over once with a home cooked casserole but no one answered the door. She assumed you’d moved. Which is good, we thought. But we couldn’t get a hold of you, you must’ve also changed your number…”

Jack wasn’t really making eye contact. His gaze downcast, a hoodie atop of a beanie on his head and an oversized, worn out puffer jacket that almost swallowed him up. He looked very poorly even hidden behind all that. His facial hair unkempt, as was his hair tucked underneath his beanie, seemingly longer strands of it all messy and straw-like peeking out. His glasses loose at his temples. His face was hollow cheeked and she really feared he wasn’t looking after himself properly at all. But what really stood out to her was the bouquet of flowers he was carrying.

“Yeah… I moved out of there. Too many memories.”

“Those were her favourite… pink roses,” she mused. “You miss her so, don’t you, Jack? You can’t even bear talking to me about her, you poor man, even after all this time… What must you be going through… do you– agh. This is so insensible of me to even ask. Forgive me. But if it’s any consolation, us at the hospital haven’t given up hope. We still think she’s out there, somewhere, our Alice…”

Jack cleared his throat and took a step back. “I should get going…”

“Of course. Do take care of yourself, Jack. And if you ever want to reach out, you know where to find us. Take all the time you need.”

“Thank you,...” he stammered a bit, not knowing what else to say. He walked for a while in the wrong direction, just in case the nosy woman decided to follow him.

He hadn’t moved. That would’ve been near impossible, and since he managed to dodge the bullet while the police were sniffing around for the longest time, he figured there wasn’t any reason to do so anymore. But he couldn’t have her know that, which is why he never answered the door to the other woman with the casserole either.

After making sure she wasn’t following him, he resumed his walk home. He wished he could find some type of work from home. He’d be saving so much time and money on the commute, plus he’d always be there, which was quite imperative, all things considered.

What if there was a power outage? The one time that’d happened, there’d been dire consequences. Consequences he hadn’t had to endure. And he simply couldn’t allow that to happen again.

There were so many things that could go wrong while he wasn’t home.

Plus, if he worked remote he could take on a full shift. As it was, he had to work part-time, which wasn’t nearly enough to make ends meet. But the commute and all the prep he had to do were taking up too much time, time he didn’t want to waste here.

Finally arriving home, he made sure to secure the front door- the lock and all 3 of the bolts.

Checking the computer screen, he only had 40 minutes left. The woman had made him late, what with all the detours he had to make to be sure she wasn’t following him.

Canned tuna it was, then. Again. No time for cooking. Not that he had much in the fridge anyway.

He always felt antsy between the time he got back home and logging in. He wanted to get everything done and out of the way as soon as possible- cooking, laundry, cleaning (more like tidying up, the apartment was far from clean even by his standards), everything on autopilot, peeking at the computer screen every now and then to make sure he didn’t miss his log-in window.

With 20 minutes to spare, that was his que.

“Oh!” He rushed back to the kitchen to retrieve the flowers, then using the keys that he wore on a chain around his neck for safekeeping, he unbolted yet another set of locks on the bedroom door.

There she was.

His heart always swelled in his chest seeing her there, safe and sound. Everyday day, without fail, a sigh of relief escaped his lips once he entered the bedroom. He’d probably never stop worrying while he was away for work.

“Darling, I… miss you all the time…” he hummed the lyrics to a song he used to sing to her often, placing the flowers in a vase by the bed. “Got you flowers, your favourite! Even that pesky Emma from the hospital remembers they’re your favourite. You’re so loved, hm? My precious girl.” He sat on the edge of the bed and reached to caress her supple cheek. “But I love you the most.”

Jack knew he did. Who else would do all this for her? Nobody! He tended after her, emptied out her waste bags as well as checked the respective connecting catheters were secure in place, cleaned her up, all without so much as wrinkling his nose. He replaced the IV, taking note that there was some bruising on that arm so he made sure to switch, he removed her compressive socks and massaged her limbs thoroughly before putting them back on, even made sure to hydrate her lips though she was getting all her nutrients through her IV, hell- he thought of everything. He did it all for her happily, and would do much more if needed.

She’d done so much for them, too.

She still did!

But long gone were the days where he’d see her come home from back to back shifts at the hospital, with barely any time to get some sleep in before she had to head back, all because she had to support the both of them all while paying off her student loans.

Medschool was so expensive. Had he met her before he’d have talked her out of that career path. He’d have talked her out of any career! No. That was his job. He was the caretaker. He was the breadwinner. It’d been like that since the beginning of time. It was only natural for the man to provide. The fact that she’d had to for all that time had been killing him, every day that he had to sit at home and wait for her to get back from the hospital only to see her defeated, exhausted, drained beyond belief.

Resident doctors were paid shit but strung out to the max. Especially surgeons.

Meanwhile, Jack had struggled to find a job for the longest time. Unlike her, he hadn’t gone to college, let alone university. His parents couldn’t afford it at the time and he knew better than to tie himself up in student loans. He’d had odd jobs but nothing really ever stuck. He had no real skills, and every entry job demanded some form of higher education nowadays.

Plus, someone had to do house chores, cook and clean. And they couldn’t afford help.

It’d been eating him up inside. It was all backwards!

All up until he’d met someone online and got to talking over a game of World of Warcraft. This guy swore up and down about this dark web programme he’d found, but it was all very hush-hush, and Jack had to put in some serious gameplay time until he managed to extricate the info out of him.

The guy was very paranoid about telling him and even used a code system for what to look up. Jack took the lead and before long, he fell down the rabbit hole of what he now knew to be the Victory Project.

He got so immersed trying to digest all this new info being thrown his way all of a sudden that he nearly got caught listening to one of the podcasts when she’d gotten home from the hospital one day. He’d even forgotten to call the plumber. Boy- had that pissed her off.

She was already on edge all the time. Never had any time for him anyway- but if she got upset over silly little things she shut him out completely.

He felt emasculated. Rejected. Reduced to a housewife.

Jack smirked to himself, as he tended to her whilst pondering all that. Securing the straps back around her wrists he mused at how things had changed. “I fixed it for us, I told you I would. Now you’re the one who’s waiting for me just as we speak. And I don’t even come home to you in scrubs, do I? No, I come home to you all handsome, suit and tie and ready to get my fill of you. Never too tired for you, am I darling? You’re such a great cook, god knows my mouth waters just thinking of all you’ve slaved over for us to feast on, but all I wanna do is feast on you instead. Aren’t you lucky?”

Jack watched her expressionless eyes for a moment as if waiting for her to answer him back, and promptly remembered to apply her eye drops, noticing they looked extra blood-shot than normal. He then finally got comfy in bed next to her. He couldn’t wait a moment longer. He was hard already just in anticipation of the way she’d excitedly open the door for him. The door to their lavish home, and their extravagant life together that he’d earned for the two of them. Him.

He fixed the device around his own eyes and turned it on, taking her hand in his.

“Welcome to the Victory Project. There are currently 72 active users.”

Nothing beat this. The pleasant, warm afternoon air sweeping through his perfectly coiffed hair as he rushed to get home to her from the Victory Headquarters. Here, the weather was always perfect… whereas, in the apartment, he had to keep the heating on a lower setting, the bill was ridiculous during the colder months. He always had to wear layers and layers, but not in the bedroom- no, he kept a radiator in there. All for her. He had to switch it off for safety reasons while he was away at work but it wasn’t like she was aware of her surroundings anyway! All the more reasons why he had to find something remote so he could work from home and clear up all these little things that bugged him about the whole arrangement.

But he didn’t want to think about all that, not while he was here. No, here, those problems didn’t exist. This was his preferred reality, this was what he chose to believe was real. All the rest was just a means to an end.

He could feel all his exhaustment leave his body the closer he got to the house. He seldom wondered why she couldn’t have done the same for him coming back from the hospital. Why she couldn’t just leave all that baggage at the door and be glad to be home, back to him, where he waited for her like a lovesick puppy with separation anxiety.

He knew the answer to that now, of course, and that was all Frank’s merit- the brain behind this whole thing. He’d listened to his podcasts for a long while before he enrolled into the program. There was no way she could ever respect him within their given dynamic at the time. The roles were reversed and she couldn’t allow herself to be a woman to her man.

He’d fixed it, though, and boy, had Frank been right.

Every day, without fail, he knocked on the door coming home from work and there she was- all smiles and carefree and so eager to please him, in any way he saw fit. All because she respected him now. He was the man of the house, he was the breadwinner, he put a roof over her head, he got her all her little heart desired and kept her satisfied and happy.

Which is why when nobody answered the door he was a bit taken aback.

Using his key that he’d rarely ever had to use himself to unlock the door, he let himself in and carefully inspected the silent house.

He knew, realistically, that there was no way something could’ve gone wrong- there was no crime in Victory. No one had broken into their home. But still, he searched the house tentatively. “Alice?”

Everything was spotless, and most striking of all, he couldn’t smell a trace of the homecooked meal he’d so been looking forward to. That tuna was enough to sustain his physical body, but not his large appetite.

Reaching the bedroom, he furrowed his brows with worry upon finding her… sleeping. Passed out on the bed, clad in her street clothes. She’d seemingly come back home from town exhausted and must’ve stretched her bones a bit by the looks of it.

He contemplated waking her up. Maybe crawling between her thighs and having her gasp awake at the feel of him lapping languidly at her folds. He loved waking her up like that, and she did too. She loved being loved on, and Jack absolutely loved pleasuring her. She was so much more responsive, so much more sensitive to his touch, he could pleasure her over and over for hours on end. Probably ‘cause of all the practice he was having on a regular basis. And maybe he adjusted some settings regarding his stamina while creating his profile too, but at the end of the day, why not? He did it for her. All of this was for her!

Jack grunted to himself before closing the door to the bedroom so he wouldn’t perturb her sleep, deciding last minute to forgo his initial plans. Funny he’d been reminiscing about how things used to be just in time for this to happen all of a sudden.

It must’ve been a glitch in the system or something. This wasn’t in line with what he’d designed for themselves. Here, they were never tired, ill or imperfect in any way. Jack made a mental note to look into this after he logged out.

In the meanwhile- he’d never tried his hand at cooking here, where presumably he’d be a lot better at it than he was in reality.

Just like with everything else.

Alice blinked her eyes awake. She took in her surroundings and hesitantly stood up on the bed in the dark room, letting her sight adjust.

How did she get back here? Not here, here. She had an inkling of how she’d managed that- but back to the house, from the Headquarters. She couldn’t remember making the trek back.

Maybe she didn’t have to.

Maybe this was the default setting she woke up to everytime after entering… the simulation. Because, what else was this if not that?!

How long was she out of it? Judging by the darkness surrounding her, a good few hours. Perking her ears up, she could hear music- so Jack was home too.

She cradled her knees to her chest, trying to let it all sink in. She hadn’t had time to properly digest what had happened, in her unconscious state.

Hell, she was surprised she could even remember.

But this explained it… explained all the fuzzy deja vu-like flashbacks she kept having. Explained her brain fog and all the things she just couldn’t follow through in her train of thought. Explained why she sometimes couldn’t account for most of her day until Jack came home from work, almost as if she’d been on auto-pilot.

Explained all the vivid “dreams”.

They weren’t fanciful dreams, idealistic wishes of a progressive feminist world for which she’d gotten shock therapy at the Victory’s doctor’s orders.

They were her memories.

Waking up tied down to that bed… her own bed, from another life, had been traumatic, but she clearly was still in shock to be so calm about it.

She hadn’t been calm initially of course- not when she couldn’t move her arms or blink her eyes shut.

She’d managed to slip out of the confines, her wrists weak and frail and barely recognizable, yanking her IV out of her vein by accident- she hadn’t even known it was there!, all in an effort to get those things that forced her eyes open off of her face.

She’d been hysteric. Tried to muffle her own screams, because she didn’t know who was around to hear them. Tried to calm herself down, but the more she noticed, the more she hyperventilated. Like the fact that had both urinary and rectal catheters sticking out of her. Then she noticed how emaciated she looked, almost like she couldn’t even recognize her own body. She couldn’t feel her limbs, she felt numb and achy all over, bruises all across her skin from sitting still for so long. Her throat was hoarse, she couldn’t really scream that loud even if she wanted to.

She’d fumbled out of bed and immediately collapsed to the floor. She was too weak to stand, and she prayed she hadn’t broken any bones in her fall. She sat there crying in a fetal position for god knows how long, thinking of all the fractures she’d fixed in the OR, and all her knowledge that had gone to waste.

All her life that had gone to waste!

This room, this bedroom- her old life came back to her in a flash, flooding all her senses. It felt like everything was finally clicking into place, and despite how miserable and utterly devastated she felt, it was a relief to finally figure it out.

With the way nobody came rushing into the bedroom, she knew she was alone. Unless Jack was at this computer, headphones on– oh god. She felt her mind split into two trying to reconcile the fact that these two very different men were one and the same!

She was alone strapped to the bed- which could only mean one thing. He wasn’t constrained like she was. He hadn’t been forced into this. Unless they were being kept separate… both victims of this sick mindfuck.

Because… surely– surely Jack couldn’t be behind this.

… Could he?

Scrambling for the door, determined to get some answers, she reached for the doorknob.

When she couldn’t get it to open, she mustered up all her strength to stand up- but still- it was no use. It was locked. And with the way it felt it looked like the door had been tampered with, bolted shut from the outside, not just locked.

She was trapped. A prisoner in her own home. She eyed the windows next and even if by some miracle they weren’t bolted shut too- she knew she was too weak to try and use the fire escape. She’d surely succumb to her death trying to evade. She needed a plan- a better plan.

Her brain was scurrying to come up with something-anything, all the while dry heaving at the sight of her waste bags still attached to her by those catheters and the overall stale smell of the room, but she knew that with how dehydrated she was, vomiting would take her out completely at that point. She head to keep it together, had to–

She’d heard what she recognized to be the front door. Her blood froze in her veins. She didn’t know who it was, she had no idea who was behind all this. She had no clue where Jack was, if he even was part of this– her heart told her no, he couldn’t have, but at this point she had no way of knowing what was real or not, let alone what this all meant.

She couldn’t risk being found conscious. She was clearly being kept in a comatose state, treated as one such patient at least, and the fact that she’d woken up from that induced state was definitely not intended to happen.

She remembered what had happened before she woke up like this- she’d reached the infamous, off limits Victory Headquarters. Because a plane had crashed in that direction, and the trolley driver didn’t believe her nor wanted to take her there!

She’d made the trek all the way there… it’d taken her ages, in the scorching sun- and finally, finally, she’d reached the imposing building, in hopes of finding some help or at least some answers at that point!

Next thing she knew, she’d woken up strapped to this bed. Her bed, in her old bedroom, from her old life that had been stolen away from her!

She needed to gather as much information as possible, and the only way she could do that was to get back into that bed and pretend she never came to.

There was no other way.

She hurried as best she could, barely making it back to the bed, made sure she was laid out in the same outstretched position. By some miracle, the catheters were still in place, their respective bags on the floor by the foot of the bed. The hardest part was fixing whatever that contraption was over her face and around her eyes. It dug deep into her flesh and she remembered to wipe any traces of tears from her face when new ones began rolling down her face. She was surprised her body could even produce them with how parched she felt. She then inserted the needle back into her bruised vein– which was sure to get infected at this rate, whoever was doing this to her was amateur at best, or they didn’t much care to keep her alive. She didn’t know which prospect was worse. She slipped her wrists back through the strap loops, hoping it wouldn’t be obvious she’d gotten them a bit loose when she struggled her way out of them.

And then she’d waited. And waited. And waited. All the while a bright red light scanned her eyeballs systematically, no doubt whatever was used to induce her into that trance or whatever it was that created the optimal parameters for the alternate reality to take place. She couldn’t even wrap her mind around it. She couldn’t even begin to understand how it worked- all she knew was that it was all too real to be just a dream. No. That was a controlled environment. The world simulation came to her again.

Her whole body froze as she’d heard the lock, then what she counted to be 3 other bolts on the bedroom door. She could only see directly above her, and that barely- but she could hear him when he came in.

Smell him, even.

And it wasn’t the smell of expensive cologne she’d grown used to, but a more familiar smell. A smell that felt more real, more ingrained in her subconscious- that of clothes he’d dug out of the laundry hamper to wear a few more times when everything else was too dirty even for his own standards, mixed with canned tuna and the faintest amount of deodorant that did nothing to mask the fact that he’d skipped showering for a day or two.

Her heart sank when she heard him hum to himself the song that had been stuck in her mind for ages- the one she’d been humming herself but couldn’t remember where she knew it from. This is where she knew it from. It’d been their song, in a way, a song he’d made up just for her.

“Darling, I… miss you all the time… Got you flowers, your favourite! Even that pesky Emma from the hospital remembers they’re your favourite. You’re so loved, hm? My precious girl.” She felt him sit on the edge of the bed and tried her best not to flinch when he leaned in to caress her cheek. “But I love you the most.”

She could feel her eyes well up with tears. Tears she couldn’t even blink away.

He then started tending to her and she mustered up all of her willpower not to lurch at him when he’d gotten her out of her restraints- she knew she was no match for him, not in her weakened state by any means.

He was doing this to her. It was him! All while declaring his love for her. She felt her heart break into a million pieces, all the while forcing herself not to make any movements and break her cover. Not even when he cleaned her with wet wipes up and checked the catheters, emptying the waste bags. God- she wished she was dead. For a while she zoned out completely, much like rape victims. She just let it happen to her, dissociating from her body completely, mentally checking out.

He’d eventually poured what must’ve been eyedrops into her sockets and that brought her back to reality. Whatever reality was anymore…

And then… to her utter shock, she felt him get in bed next to her. The familiar clank of the device she’d placed back onto herself could be heard and she realized he was putting on the same headgear.

He was… joining her? He was willingly putting himself through this? Sure, he wasn’t forced into it against his will, there was nobody strapping himself to the bed, nobody feeding him through an IV and treating him like a comatose patient.

But he was entering the simulation the same way she was. Through that headgear.

Is this what he did everyday while he was “at work”? Was this the infamously secret Victory Project that she couldn’t even ask him about- exiting that alternate reality and coming back here?

She heard him switch it on and then the whole room went dark before a projector of sorts played a familiar black and white scene on the ceiling, above the bed. She felt him interlace his fingers with hers and she was done for- she couldn’t fight it. Whatever this was, it was working fast, making her slip into unconsciousness almost immediately.

Followed directly after by her waking up in her other bedroom. Unrestrained. Nothing to force her eyes open. Clean. Rejuvenated even.

But scared shitless.

Traumatised.

Heartbroken.

She didn’t know how long she stood there, trying to make sense of it all in the darkness. Thankful to be able to move freely, thankful to feel like her old self, but well aware that it was all an illusion, that her real self was held hostage somewhere god knows where. Helpless, frail and alone.

She felt conflicted. Why was he doing this?! Why had he done this to her? She’d heard him say he loved her most. Heard he’d brought her flowers, even though she couldn’t even see them. Felt him tend to her, he was doing a lousy job at it but was keeping her alive and she could tell he was trying his best, being gentle, careful, thoughtful even when the reality was he didn’t have to. Not when, for all he knew, she was unconscious.

This was insanity.

There was no other explanation. No other justification. She understood the nuances- could see why this was- on paper- a better life. But it was fake! And most of all, it wasn’t her choice!

She’d been forced into it, against her will, without her even being aware of it! Her life had been robbed away from her. Her family, her friends, her hard work. The only common denominator… was Jack.

She didn’t know how to go about it, but if there was any chance of her escaping, she had to play dumb and pretend she knew nothing.

She wasn’t sure how she could face him knowing what she did, but she had to. She had to buy time, enough time until she could put her plan into motion.

She didn’t know if she’d succeed, but she had to try. She had to. She had to escape, claim her life back, good or bad.

She got off the bed, marvelling at how strong and healthy she felt, as opposed to how she’d collapsed on the floor in her real body. That alone emboldened her, she had to go face the music.

And face the music she did. Jack had put a record on, blasting it at high volume with little consideration to her being asleep. No surprises there.

But as she approached the kitchen, she took in the sight of him… cooking. Or, trying to cook.

Apparently, you couldn’t tweak everything in this alternate reality. Or maybe he didn’t care to fumble with his cooking skills. Because he’d definitely perfected some of his other skills–

“You’re awake!... I didn’t have time to set the table.”

“What’s going on?” She watched him scurry around the kitchen, trying to do a dozen things at once and failing.

“Well, I’m making you dinner. Now, we were supposed to have five courses. Unfortunately, I think we’re down to about three.”

She took note of the mess, especially the way something was about to catch on fire on the stove.

“That– don’t look at that. That course is officially off the menu.”

That’s when it clicked in her brain– the fucker had switched up his accent! He had a British accent here! Oh, she could laugh if she didn’t feel like murdering him. She reminded herself it wouldn’t be the real him she’d be murdering, though. No, for all she knew if she harmed him in any way here, she might end up trapped inside this simulation forever if her plan failed. Or until her real body died, with no one to tend for it, even as poorly as he was, in the real world.

She had to thread carefully. “What happened?”

“I got a little aggressive with the seasoning.”

“How long have you been home?”

“Uh, a few hours.” He proceeded to make even more of a mess in his attempt to jump from one dish to the next. “Okaaay. Nope. Don’t look at that. That’s– Okay, so I’m making that roast, you know the one you made for my birthday? Only with a few changes…”

“I was here when you got here?”

“Yeah. Asleep in the bedroom. Do you put carrots in a roast?”

“How did I get home?” That was a reasonable question. Last thing she knew of this reality was she’d reached the Headquarters. She needed to know if anyone knew about it.

“Trolley, I think.”

“Wait, so he came out and got me?!”

“Who are you talking about?”

“Jack, I got off the trolley. I saw a plane crash.”

“Alice, I think I would’ve heard if there was a plane crash.”

“No, Jack, I saw it…”

“They tend to be rather loud…”

“... and I started walking–”

“–and hard to miss.”

It was dawning on her that she wasn’t going to milk any info on this out of him. He was going to pretend the plane never crashed, of course, whatever that even meant for this simulation. Or maybe the plane crashing was only visible to her version of this altered reality. She couldn’t know for sure. But he seemed unconcerned otherwise. She didn’t think he knew she’d gone there. She really must’ve re-entered right back into the bedroom, after all, she, along with all the other women, were never meant to go up there, the Headquarters were off-limits.

Meaning that was probably from where the men entered. Since they were the only ones who came and left. The women were probably all bound to their own respective beds back in the real world, they were never meant to leave the simulation. It made sense why she’d found herself back in the house- where she belonged. And it made sense if that was where the man entered and exited since that’s where they all allegedly went everyday for “work”.

Her heart sank at the realization that it was highly probable that all the other women were victims, just like her. Unless everything and everyone else was a simulation around them.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

She tried not to flinch when Jack finally noticed she’d zoned out whilst trying to process all of this, and touched her shoulder, taking a better look at her.

“No…I don’t know–I’m not…”

Before she could react, he pulled her into his arms. That smell of expensive cologne hit her again, overriding the smell of stale clothes and canned tuna from her recent memory. And his embrace felt so familiar, so comforting, that for a moment she allowed herself to pretend like this was the person she knew to love her. The person she couldn’t wait to come back home from work everyday. The person that made her smile and laugh and moan and cry tears of happiness. She knew him well, she loved him with all her heart. And she was reluctant to accept that this man was the same that was keeping her strapped against the bed. Because that was the reality of it.

But this version of Jack that was holding her felt so real as well…

“I had a really weird dream. A really weird dream…”

“I’m sorry.”

Her heart sank. Was he, sorry? She buried her face deeper into his chest and held her breath, stifling a sob as tears flooded her eyes immediately. She wanted to break down in his arms and ask him why he’d done this. She wanted to give him a chance to explain himself. Wanted for him to somehow, magically, make it all better.

But she knew there was no way for him to do it. There was nothing he could say or do to justify what he’d done to her, even if his intentions didn’t seem as evil as they truly were to him.

Because she knew Jack. She knew he’d probably convinced himself somehow that this was the only way out of the miserable life they were living- and be it as it were, it was her life! He’d had no right to steal it from her like that.

“Do you know what weird dreams make me? Hungry.” He fed her a carrot he was holding jokingly then turned her around as she chewed absentmindedly, her mind racing, still taking in the reality of what her life was. Or the alternate reality, more like it.

Jack cupped her face, searching her eyes and declared solemnly, “Alice, I want to be honest with you about something.”

She almost choked on the carrot she was chewing on. Was he–

“I don’t think these mashed potatoes are gonna work.”

She swallowed, a bitter taste in her mouth at her naivete. “That’s because you need to boil them first, baby…”

“I knew it… I knew there was a step missing. Such an idiot,” he smiled bashfully.

She laughed at that. A manic laugh, but he didn’t seem to notice. Not at how incompetent he was at such a basic life skill- who the hell tries to mash raw potatoes?!- but at how hopeful she’d been for a moment there, believing he was about to confess everything just like that, out of the blue.

“Let me put a pot on…”

“No, no, no–”

“Come on, let me–”

“Make us some drinks. Relax.” He pulled her out of the kitchen and into the lounge, declaring “I am your chef tonight!”

Lord knew she desperately needed a drink at this point, so she sighed heavily, getting to it, when he stopped her in her tracks, “hey!”

“Hm?”

“You love me?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. She replied like she used to, back in the real world. Something she didn’t remember ever doing here, but it just came to her by reflex now that her memory of her past life had come back to her fully. And for some reason that she couldn’t explain, she meant it, still. “The most.”

Jack seemed pleased with her answer, and resumed his ‘cooking’. Alice turned to the whiskey bottle and downed two doubles, one after the other.

How was she ever going to get free when her stupid heart had meant what she said?

She couldn’t allow herself to be fooled by this false reality any longer. Couldn’t allow to slip into his arms again and pretend he loved her when this was anything but love.

So she waited. Waited until he fell asleep that night (thankfully all the “cooking” had seemingly tired him out and he didn’t try anything)- praying this meant he was truly asleep.

Got dressed, tiptoed out of the house and geared up for a long journey to the Headquarters. She couldn’t risk taking the car and waking him or the neighbours up, alerting them with this unusual behaviour. There weren't any trolleys late at night by any means- everyone was sound asleep.

Everyone but her.

She was no longer asleep.

A/N: i've been meaning to get to this for the longest while! hopefully it scratches some itches we've been left with. i had fun writing this first part. more to come 👀

💕 like & reblog if you enjoyed this, lovelies, and most importantly, please come share your thoughts on it here 💌

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#dwd #don't worry darling #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles smut #jack chambers #florence pugh

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dawnoftime22 · 3 months

Text

phone.

| T.S

Warnings: None?

Summary: With you being far too engrossed in your phone, Taylor becomes frustrated, but manages to grab your attention.

Word Count: 1.3k

Category: Pure fluff!

| Started on 05/05/2024, 2:53 PM |

| Finished on 17/06/2024, 4:34 PM |

Main Masterlist | T.S Masterlist

"Sweetheart, utter your needs, and I'll heed to my task to follow you, weaved with care and love."

|——————————— ⸆⸉ ———————————|

You had been staring at your phone for ages, doing what? She didn't know, but it had her sighing softly for the third time.

She's been waiting around the entire hour for you to put it away at some point, but all you kept doing was the opposite. Meanwhile, Taylor's been switching her position every few minutes, hoping in a way, the movement would catch your attention. She was starting to look like one of her cats.

Once she finished yet another page of her book, that seemed like it was becoming boring by every second, she had enough. Her eyes looked to you, seeing how you were indeed still blinking and breathing, but not moving other than a few movements of your fingers.

Her hand reaches out and she gently took your phone away, causing confusion to enter your face.

"Hey!--" You protested for a moment, but her finger was placed on your lips, making you freeze and blink at her, your heart having skipped a beat.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you try to grab your phone once again, but she moved it further away from you, shaking her head.

"Mm, mm, you look at me." She lets go of your phone, having put it out of reach from you somewhere. But nonetheless, her hands cupped your face, making you look at her properly.

You let out a gentle breath and chuckled, your shoulders relaxing at the touch. Taylor looked straight into your eyes, her blue ones starting to hold just a teensy bit of frustration.

"What have you been looking at and smiling at for the past hour??" She asks, shaking her head and pouting her lips adorably. Your heart melted at the sight, your lips moving to only have your smile grow wider.

"...Cat videos. And sea otters," You explain, making her blink in the unexpected answer, although, it was you, after all. There was the smallest blush appearing on her cheeks too, and you try your best to resist a laugh.

"Well, as much as I love cats, loooook at me, baby," she urges, shaking your shoulders ever so gently, but it was clear she wanted your attention. You giggled, your hands trying to stop her, to which she slowly relented.

"All you had to do was say something, sweetheart," you whispered, nuzzling your nose against hers before kissing her softly. Her small frustration almost faltered, but her pout was still visible.

"Well, you should have at least noticed..." She murmurs, her hand sliding off your shoulders to cross them across her chest, and you purse your lips with a smile.

"Mm, nope. I thought you were trying to get yourself in a comfortable position," you said, making yourself a point, even though you were too awfully distracted.

"...But you could have helped," she replied back, her shoulders slumping down as she looked up to your eyes. Her lips were turned down, which was an adorable sight.

"The fault's on both of us, my love," you say, admitting that you indeed should have given just a little more attention on her, but she should have also spoken up or took action. She thought it over, noticing now that her maturity was the slightest bit off at the moment.

"Okay." She whispered, leaning into your shoulder, seemingly almost shrinking. Your arms wrap around her, giving her the embrace she's been yearning for the past hour.

"I'll be sure to shower you with attention all day from now on." You whispered, squeezing her gently and pulling her closer in your arms, making her face elicit a darker blush.

"...And for the rest. Of. My. Life." The words uttered from your lips were followed by a single peppering of kisses on her face. She was a mess of a giggle as you made sure to find her forehead, in between her eyes, her nose, the corners of her lips just to tease...and finally, right on her lips.

She melts into the kiss and leans in closer to deepen it, before soon parting yourselves from each other. You look into her eyes softly, and the longer you both stayed like that, she ends up scrunching her nose, her heart in of itself about to burst from love.

"I love you..." The three little words murmur from her mouth, her head leaning in to press gently against your chest. She could feel the vibration of your soft laugh that reverberated off the walls of the bedroom, and it only touched her heart further.

"I love you too, sweetheart." You whisper back, your nose brushing against her hair. It tickled, but also gave warmth and comfort. Your lips brushed near her ear ever so slightly, and you hear a giggle sounding from her, knowing it tickled her back.

You were about to move to cuddle her further and properly rather than just her in your lap, but she had gotten distracted, having noticed the small movement of a cat's tail in the corner of her vision.

She perks up and peeks over the bed, her head turned to see Olivia. Her face brightens up at the sight, while her cat was looking around curiously.

"It's Olivia!" She said, reaching her hands out and letting go of you, wanting to go grab Olivia, but you pull her back gently, tightening your embrace on her.

"Nope! You've got my full attention. You're stuck with me now," you said, giggling as you shook your head, getting yourself closer to her. She yelped slightly and the cat turned its head in surprise.

"Nooo!! Olivia!" She struggles gently against you, calling her cat out for help in act, but Olivia only blinked and walked off, jumping onto the desk chair in the bedroom, which only made both of your laughters grow.

"Okay, okay, I fell right into that," Taylor said, the giggling subsiding and dissolving into breaths that both of you tried to catch back into your regular rhythm.

You looked to Olivia, then took a deep to finish off calming yourself, your gaze going back to Taylor to look at her lovingly. She was already looking at you, a warmth felt within her eyes that you stared into.

"Lets watch the cat videos together," you say, going to your side to grab back your phone that she had put aside just to have your attention.

Taylor smiles softly, agreeing by leaning into you once more. Olivia had jumped off the desk chair in the meanwhile, jumping up on the bed.

"Look, Olivia wants to join in anyway," you pointed out, noticing the movement of a small furry body, but not looking up from your phone as you unlocked it to find the video you were looking at.

"We have real life cats that are silly, baby, I mean--" Taylor starts, about to say that you two could just look at them, but when she turns her head to see Olivia, she sees the small cat standing up on the bed, looking like a squirrel instead of a cat, which had her splutter a soft laugh.

"Look at her! We don't even need the videos, we have the real thing in front of us." She puts her hand up, gesturing towards Olivia. You look up, and your eyes widen in surprise. Your lips turned up and you laughed with the blonde next to you.

"What is she even looking at?" You asked, seeing how Olivia was looking around. If not for Taylor's presence, and the comfy dim lighting in the bedroom, you would have thought the cat was seeing ghosts.

"Dibbles, come here." she mentions Olivia's nickname, reaching out her hand. But Olivia only continued her blank, lost expression, with her pupils dilated.

You were about to continue and put the cat videos on, but then you find one with a cat that was doing the same thing as Olivia was doing.

"Oh, my god, they have the exact same face." You said, pointing to your phone screen and Olivia. Taylor looked, and her eyes follow the happiness of her laugh.

"They do!!" she said, nearly bending over in her laugh. Finally, her cat returned to normal as she did, but she was still giggling loudly along with you. She shakes her head, smiling softly. "That is amazing."

---------------------

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#🥀 dawn’s collection #taylor swift #taylor swift x reader #taylor swift comfort #taylor swift fluff #soft taylor swift #taylor swift imagine #taylor swift fanfic #taylor swift fanfics #taylor swift fanfiction

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anundyingfidelity · 6 months

Text

I'M A RUIN — Soldier Boy/Ben (Part VI)

Series summary: After the events of the Seven Tower, you present Grace Mallory a new secret project you're working on already to develop a cure to Compound V. The only problem? You need Soldier Boy for that.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader.

Word count: 2.5k.

Warnings for series: set after S3 (spoilers), some OOC!Ben, some depressed!Ben, angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, slow-burn, language, PTSD, reader has Compound V (she's no Vought supe tho), Soldier Boy being an usual asshole, reader is a fucking liar.

Warnings on this chapter: some suicide thoughts, very suggestive stuff, nudity, sexual tension barely starting, misogyny coming from you know who lol.

Notes: i was eager to drop this so here it is. hope i can make justice to the slow burn/slow sexual tension. aaaa as always thanks for reading!! ily all!

this fic tags: @k-slla @syrma-sensei @mostlymarvelgirl @cheynovak @drasticemotions @soldirboy @deans-spinster-witch

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

get yourself in the taglist!

GEN MASTERLIST! — SERIES MASTERLIST!

Part VI: Don't Lay Your Red Hand On Me

“Where the fuck are we going?” Ben asked, checking the picture outside the windshield.

The sun was already setting down, and there have been hours since you started driving. At least he had been able to see the damn sunset again after being caged for so long.

Despite his questioning look and not trusting you completely, both made it to your car in the middle of the mess of blood and headless corpses around the building, with him naked under the effects of your invisibility powers. Somehow, you still managed to reassure Soldier Boy it was to protect him. In fact, as you guided both out of the place, you were scared of your abilities not working properly to have him covered. The last thing you wanted was the cameras to have a look at him, escaping with your help.

Now, with Soldier Boy dressed in his clothes and you still wiping some of the dry blood from your skin, you drove without a destiny in mind. Just somewhere you could take him far away from Homelander and Vought. He was, in fact, your top priority and needed to be protected, even if you knew you were nothing compared to his strength and abilities, you still had the urgency of him trusting you, to feel like you really cared. And you did care, but for the wrong reasons and those, he didn’t have to know.

“Far away,” you responded, picking up your phone with one hand as you drove through the highway.

“That doesn’t tell me anything,” he insisted, looking at you switching your attention between the device in your hands and the road.

You dialed Grace, ignoring his voice. She didn’t answer immediately. You cursed under your breath and dialed again. No answer anew, just the ring and the automatic voicemail message. Well, fuck. You had to play with what you had.

“Hey, it’s me,” you began the message. “Please call me when you can, I have to inform you of something. It’s urgent, please call me back.”

Ben rolled his eyes, annoyed as fuck for your silence towards his demands. “You’re gonna tell me now what the fuck is going on? You’re a fucking supe and everyone is dead back there! And not ‘cause of me.”

“First, nothing to fear from me. Okay? You’re the one who’d kill me in a blink. Second, I don’t know!” you yelled as a response, clearly irritated. “I don’t know shit! I know we need to run and that’s all. So just shut up and let me drive.”

“Christ on a cross, you women are fucking irritating,” Ben fumed. He saw a cheap motel by the road and he would’ve guessed you were going there because you slowed down and pulled up in the parking lot. He sighed. “Home, shitty home.”

“Got any ideas? Because I’m all ears,” you stopped the engine and got down the car, taking the sports bag with you. The supe rolled his eyes and before he went out, you came right to his half open door. “Stay here, I'll check in.”

Ben shut his eyes, watching you closing the car door with a loud thud, and you left to get a room. He felt the need to storm behind and shout out what he really thought of your stupid ass bossing him around. If it wasn’t because he wasn’t really half the way out of the fucking car, he should have been arguing and insisting for some real answers. But for some reason he stayed back. When you came back after a short time he followed you to a double bed room you’d be using just for the night.

Once you entered, you decided a shower was first thing on the list, and then you had to communicate with Grace as soon as fucking possible. Checking around, you were thankful to find a couple of towels in the bathroom, while Ben settled on his own space, lying down on one of the beds.

He observed you thoroughly as you studied yourself in the dirty mirror hanging on the wall. The disgusting grimace you made told him you were looking for more blood to wipe off. And before he could speak again you turned to see him.

“I'm gonna take a shower,” you announced.

He raised a brow. “Mind some company, sweetheart?”

You rolled your eyes as you started to unbutton your blouse, his eyes checking shamelessly the little exposed skin didn’t go unnoticed by you. “Don't even think about it.”

And with that, you just disappeared inside the bathroom. The noise of water running compensated both of you for the silence. He turned on the cheap TV to have some noise for himself too, deciding he’d go for a shower after you. Probably if he was in a different mood would have just tried to get in your pants. Ben was getting so damn stressed out. First you took out his weed, then you announced he would have medication for his fucking stress disorder or some shit, and later, agents and employees of the facility just started to die violently without reason. He thought if any of you would be next while you walked him out.

It was too much to handle right now. He needed something to take it all out. Something, anything, somebody. Just to release it the only way he knew: with sexual pleasure. He didn't understand yet what the fuck was happening. Did you really care about him? You could just have left him there to handle everything by himself and run away. Yet, you took him out of the facility and he, once again, had a glimpse of your courage. Maybe a little. And he started to like that. Suddenly, he heard the shower being turned off and minutes later you came out of the bathroom sooner than he expected, dressed in the same clothing, drying the droplets on your face and wet hair.

“I’m gonna get some dinner, stay here” you announced, taking your phone and the room and car keys. “The door will be locked, don’t do anything stupid.”

Ben scoffed, standing up before making his way to take a shower himself. He faced you directly, just a couple of inches separating both of you. Your gaze challenged him to step closer. “I’m not a fucking animal.”

You hummed, without looking away from his eyes. “Sometimes I doubt you.”

“Locking the fucking door won’t do shit, why you keep doing this?” Ben asked, visible confusion on his features. He really looked tired as hell. Tired of your bullshit.

“It’s not because of you. I perfectly understand that, just wait for me here.”

With that, you turned on your heels and left the room. From the other side, you locked the door. Ben let out a deep breath. He knew it was easy to tear it apart, and again, run after you to have damn answers for once. But instead, he decided to calm himself a little and get rid of his clothes. Inside the shower, he let the warm water take care of the burdens he was carrying, without knowing, on his back. He wondered if he’d been better dead by now, if sleeping in a chamber was a greater choice than this, just running along with you, a woman, who just seemed to fuck him up even more instead of playing real like you had promised. If he knew how to kill himself, probably would’ve done it already. He was getting sick of hiding, of being a fucking experiment, to be under someone’s else’s orders… The worst part of it all is that he never had the right to choose on his own faith. Not even his own death.

Out of the room, you were a few feet away from the door you left behind when your phone started to ring softly. An unknown number appeared on the screen and cautiously you answered, making your way to the car, getting inside on the co-pilot seat.

“Hello?” a voice you knew too well started to speak after some seconds of silence.

“Grace?”

The woman on the other line breathed out. “Yeah, it’s me. Uhm, couldn’t attend earlier, sorry…”

“It’s okay,” you shook your head, as if she could see you face to face. “We’ve been compromised. My lab assistants, the nurses, scientists, guards… Everyone is dead.”

“Fuck,” Grace hissed. She sounded exhausted. “Where is Soldier Boy?”

“I took him out, checked us in at a motel. Can’t go back to my old place. Not yet.”

“You have the copies of the project, right?”

For a moment you felt she was doubting you, but you answered anyway, surprised she would even ask that. “I do.”

There was a little silence coming from her. You continued. “I don’t think I told you yet, but… Fuck, I received a visit from Homelander a couple of days ago. He crashed into my apartment… He knows.”

Grace cursed under her breath. “Y/N, we’re playing with fire here.”

You swallowed thickly, feeling your heartbeat raising. “What’s going on with you? Something happened back there?”

“Victoria Neuman came, saying she wanted to talk to me. She kinda threatened my life, and I’m on the run… Now I can make the puzzle.”

“You think they might be working together?”

“Probably. Senator Bishop was found dead, and guess who is running now with Robert Singer for vice president.”

You chuckled. The whole situation was so ironically clear. “Victoria, that stupid, smart bitch.”

“I’m gonna get some information on her, I know some people who’d know more than I do. I’ll call once I find something.”

“Okay, I’ll wait for that. Do you need me to do anything?”

“Just keep Soldier Boy busy. Work on that injection as soon as you can,” she ordered.

You nodded to yourself, taking a look around the empty lot. “Yes, ma’am.”

After a somewhat long time, Ben saw you entering the room and locking the door. You left a paper bag and water on the nightstand by his bed, where he laid down like he was having a nice day on the beach with only a towel around his hips. He noticed you looked down at him a little longer than usual, but he wasn’t going to let that slip. A sleazy smirk formed on his lips.

“My eyes are up here, sugar.”

You turned away your gaze for a moment before looking back up at him again, confident this time as you locked up your eyes with his half-lidded ones.

“Stop the pet names, Soldier Boy.”

Ben stood up on his feet slowly under your eyes following his moves. His muscular frame towering over your figure as the towel fell to the floor, revealing his bare figure to you. He was growing fond of the way you didn’t step back, ever, from him.

“Well, you never complained back there. Speaking of,” he took the bottle of water between his hands and took a sip from it before his green orbs focused on you anew. “I think you owe me an explanation.”

“I already told you. I don’t know shit.”

“Fucking lies,” the supe hissed. “Tell me now.”

You shrugged and crossed your arms on your chest, tired of him. “I have nothing.”

“Sweetheart, you never shut your piehole during our sessions. Don’t back up now,” he dared, stepping closer to you, eyelids narrowing.

Neither Ben or you dared to look away. You had to act like it, for your good. What if Soldier Boy found out that probably Homelander was behind all of it? It was going to be the end of him, his son; the fucking abusive experiment would be gone with a blast. But Vought was still around. It wasn’t just about Homelander or personal payback. It was more than that.

Homelander was barely the tip of the iceberg. And you were afraid Ben would never understand the mission. Would he say yes to use his blood to create even more experiments after all he went through, even if you explained everything? You knew his answer. The next step was getting it from him and it was going to be the hardest thing ever. But you could think of that later. There was nothing that a small cut accident couldn’t do.

“I’m not talking because I have nothing to tell you, Ben,” you lied, looking at him with your brows knitting together. “I wish I knew, but I’m just as scared as you might be.”

“I’m not scared,” he replied a little too fast. “I want to know why you took me out.”

“Why not?” you insisted. “You deserve another chance.”

And I need you alive to find a cure to this curse.

Ben scrutinized your face. This time, he couldn’t read through you. What did he know though, was that he was tired. A burning ache was forming inside him once again and he needed to release it. He was used to sensing your heartbeats, the blood running on your veins, and still now there was no glimpse of you reacting to his teasing. Any other woman would have thrown herself at him, he was used to it. Now, there wasn’t anyone. Just you, paying no attention to his perfectly sculpted body and his cock between his legs. It had to be the fact that you were a supe. Not as powerful, but still. A clear advantage in the cursed world you all lived in. He took in your body, thinking into luring you to give in and imagining how it would be to have you crying under him, moaning his name exactly like numerous women have. Just for the night.

“Don’t think about it, Soldier Boy,” you voiced out, like if you read his nasty mind. “I’m not gonna do that.”

His eyes went back to your face. “Y’know, I used to have lines of women like you during my days. Countless lines of rich whores, waiting to have a good fuck with me. Pretty ladies whose husbands would leave unattended, cute little secretaries, bombshell Hollywood actresses… All of them, just wet holes ready for me. I’d take them all.”

You chuckled at his pathetic little speech. If that was his way of getting you to bed, it wasn’t working. Not now, not never.

“I’m not just any rich whore, Ben. I don’t want to fuck you, you can use the bathroom to take care of your little problem down there.”

You saw how his jaw clenched as he held his eyes with yours.

He smirked. “Maybe not today, pretty thing. But you’ll see.”

“Be my guest.”

Ben turned around, giving you a clear view of his ass as he locked himself inside the bathroom. The sound of the shower running was not enough to cover his moans and grunts as he jerked himself off. You just decided to sleep. There was a long drive waiting for you in the morning.

#soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy imagines #soldier boy x y/n #soldier boy fanfiction #the boys amazon prime #the boys series #the boys tv #jensen ackles fanfiction #soldier boy/ben

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thescrapwitch · 3 months

Text

Bilbo is sitting on a bench in the afternoon sunshine, enjoying the quiet peace of Elrond’s garden, when he sees her: a tall, dark skinned woman with curly black hair and a warm smile. The fact that someone who looks neither elf nor Maiar is in Valinor startles him. Makes him sit up straighter, drop the book he was reading to the ground. All in black, wearing a dress not unlike a Gondorian noble with a peculiar pendant dangling from her neck, she makes for a strange sight. But her smile is so kind, so gentle, and it makes him smile back.

Bilbo debates, briefly, about getting up to shake her hand, but his legs have been very weak the past few days. He does not want to rise only to crash face-first into the dirt by her feet. That would be rude. So he stays sitting on the bench and gives her a friendly nod.

“Good afternoon,” he says.

“Good afternoon, Bilbo Baggins,” she says. Bilbo is not surprised that she knows his name. As he is one of the three hobbits in the blessed lands, it would be more strange if she didn’t. But she says it with such familiarity that it makes him frown.

“Forgive me, my dear,” he says, “but have we met before?” He knows her. Bilbo knows he knows her, but he can’t quite put his finger on it. Like he sent her an invitation long ago and, now that she’s come as promised, completely forgot about their plans. “Were you a guest at one of my birthday parties?”

She laughs. “No. I don’t normally get invited to those. But I heard your eleventy-first one was quite the event! ”

A shame. She seems like she would have been a wonderful guest. “Could you tell me where we met, then? I know we must have met somewhere, but my brain is not as nimble as it once was, and the memory is escaping me.”

“It was less a formal meeting,” she says, “and more like having crossed paths many times.” Her eyes, which do not carry light the same way an elf’s would, are very, very dark. “I watched as you avoided becoming troll food, as you stumbled in the dark and traded riddles with Gollum, as you crept into Smog’s lair and fumbled as the Battle of the Five Armies tore at each other. But you escaped all of that unharmed, and so we never had a chance to be properly introduced. Until now.”

The answer hits him then, the knowledge rising up from his heart. Oh. Of course he knows her. He’s always known her. It was just easy to forget these past years in Valinor. “Death.”

“Yes.”

“Is it time then?” Bilbo feels, suddenly, very self-conscious. He’s wearing his second-best waistcoat today and wishes he’d worn his first-best one instead. He would have, certainly, if he knew such an important guest was coming to visit him. “I am dying?”

“You are dead,” she says, taking a seat on the bench beside him. Death does not appear to be in any hurry, no grabbing or pulling him along to wherever mortal souls go. Instead, she tips her head back to bask in the sunshine. “Mind if I rest my feet? I don’t normally have to travel this far for work, you know. Still, a change of scenery is always nice. Have they been good to you, these immortals?”

“Yes,” he says, because they have. Elrond and dear Gandalf and all the other friends he’s made in this land. He will miss them all, and hopes they will not be too upset to find him gone. He hopes that they will take care of Frodo and Sam, and that they will not waste a long time grieving. Then, because he cannot help but be curious, even at the end, he says, “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Not at all,” she says. “Take your time. The dying part is already over with. You don’t have to go on until you’re ready.”

She really is so very polite. A shame Bilbo never had the chance to invite her over for tea. He is certain that Death would have had lovely stories to share and impeccable manners. “From what the elves have told me, the Vala Mandos is in charge of death. How is it that you are here for me and not him?”

“Mandos manages death for the elves,” she corrects, not at all upset with the question, “and Aulë the dwarves. But mortals, humans and hobbits, you come with me to receive my gift.”

“You’re a much different god than him.”

“Oh, don’t call me a god.” Death gives him a grin, a flash of bright humor. “That’s too fancy a title. I’m less a divine being and more…more someone with an endless task to do. That’s all.”

“My nephew, Frodo, and his Sam, will you come for them too?”

“Someday,” she promises. “But not yet.”

“Good.” Not that he wants Frodo or Sam to die, but all mortal things must, and he’d rather they had a friendly face for such a journey. Let this one be much kinder to them than the road to Mordor was.

They sit in silence for a moment longer. Bilbo takes one last look at the garden, at the bluebells and primroses that Celebrian planted, at the robins searching for worms, at the book which has fallen from his hands and landed half-open on the ground.

It was a good life, he thinks, and a long one. But all stories have to come to an end eventually, and this will be as best an ending as I could ever have hoped to earn. He stands up, straightens his waistcoat, and looks Death in the eye. “All right. I’m ready.”

Death stands up as well. There is a softness in the way she looks at him that erases any fear or dread Bilbo expected to have when his time was up. It feels more as though he is going on a long walk with a dear friend.

“What is it like, this place of endings beyond the circles of the world? Is it…nice?”

“You will see when you get there,” she says, and holds out her hand. “Think of it as one last adventure.”

“Oh, I do like the sound of that,” says Bilbo. He takes Death’s hand. “Well then, lead the way.”

#I rewatched the death episode of sandman repeatedly #because what else do you do when existential dread hits you in the middle of the night #and people you love are dying #I can’t help it: she is my comfort character when I get upset over those things #but then somehow it crossed over with lotr #and then this came out #so enjoy?#my writing #sandman tv #lotr #bilbo #death #crossover

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idontplaytrack · 2 months

Text

How much do you want to bet?

Janis ‘Imi’ike x fem! reader(+ big sister Regina)

Warnings: angst, fluff, sick fic, coarse language, slight descriptions + mentions of vomiting & sickness, angry Regina

Regina calls Janis for help late at night due to an inconsolable reader who was sick and miserable

Other parts: One / two / three

(Photos used are from Pinterest & Auli’i’s TikTok[deleted])

Regina was alone. Again and with you. Except this time, you were sick. You’ve caught a stomach bug and were feeling absolutely awful. It was a little after nine-thirty at night. Regina’s tried every remedy she knew to help you eat something or get some fluids into your system but they never stayed long enough before you regurgitated them. Helpless, she gave up on her ways and let you just sit there in your bed. You were terrified of laying down because of the possibility that you would throw up again and end up making a mess if you didn’t get to the bathroom in time. Or the trash can on your floor for that matter.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” Regina carefully rests her palm on your stomach underneath the thin fabric of your shirt, hoping the warmth provides you with some relief. You just look at her, unable to speak for fear of bursting into tears for the second time that night. Regina sighs softly, heart breaking at this pitiful sight.

“It’s going around in school.” You croaked after a few minutes.

“I know, that sucks.” Regina says, “Do you want me to go get you a heat pack, so we can put it on your stomach? It’ll probably work better than my hand.”

You shook your head no, shifting uncomfortably, “Where’s Mom?”

June was…off in Florida, to avoid her life right here in Chigaco. And at the worst time possible.

You chewed your lower lip, it was quivering, “I want Mommy, Reg.”

“She’s not answering her calls, baby. I’m sorry, but I’ll keep trying, okay?”

To Regina’s surprise, you managed to nod off while she stepped outside to make a particular phone call. First, she tried to dial June’s number again just like she’d promised you she would. But this time, her phone wasn’t even on. She definitely did this on purpose, turning her phone off. Regina hesitated, but was at her wit’s ends: she phoned Janis.

“Janis, are you free right now?”

“Yes…” Janis answered warily, “Why?”

“y/n’s sick and in pain and crying for Mom but she’s MIA somewhere in Florida — her phone’s off so I was wondering if you could—”

“What?” Janis shrieked, “My God, I’m on my way.”

“Drive s—” Before Regina could respond properly, Janis hung up the call and was rushing here.

Regina stood in the doorway of your room, leaning against the wooden frame and watching you sleep. She stayed there the whole time until Janis pulled up twenty minutes later. Regina lets her in. “Could you keep an eye on her for a minute? I’m gonna go use the restroom.”

“Of course.” Janis agrees, taking two steps at a time up the flights of stairs while Regina went ahead to the bathroom.

“Still can’t contact your mom?” Janis asks quietly when she saw Regina coming upstairs.

“Nope.” Regina sighs. “I’ve never seen her this upset, I hate seeing her like that.”

“How long has she been asleep?”

“Oh, thirty minutes I think. Probably the most she’s slept at a time all day.” Regina answers, arms crossed.

“Still no water intake?”

“Not since right before this whole thing started.” Regina confirms, “That cold glass of water went in and came back out warm.” Regina shuddered. “Should we take her to the hospital? Get an IV or something?”

Janis chuckles dryly, “I…think we let her try something in a solid form. Popsicle or ice cubes. She would definitely start crying again if we bring up the hospital. Usually, it’s just a 24 hour bug so let’s pay attention and hope for the best.”

“Good luck— she didn’t want any of it.” Regina sighs exasperatedly. “Work your magic, maybe she’ll listen to you instead of me.”

“Go to bed.”

“And leave you alone for the next six to seven hours? ‘Imi’ike, I’m not heartless.”

“Well…” Janis joked.

“Fair.” Regina smirked. “You wanna eat anything, help yourself. I have a very angry text to send to my mother.”

“I’m good, thanks though.” Janis replies, sitting down casually by your door and went on her phone.

“Are you feeling like you’d be getting sick soon?”

“No, I really don’t think so. I’ve been very careful about washing my hands and not touching my face when I saw those people at school getting sick. I also have a way stronger immune system, luckily. How are you feeling?”

Regina’s eyebrows were raised in shock, but she masked that pretty well as her usual smirk after. “I feel fine, I usually don’t get sick either. But if the heavens want to torment me, they can feel free to do so after y/n recovers.”

“Knock on wood, Regina. Be careful what you wish for.” Janis warned. “Is Cady okay?”

“Yeah, the rest of the gang seems alright too. She’s the first one in our circle to get it.”

————

“Reg?” You said quietly. “Regina, I need—”

You quickly heard footsteps approaching your room but not of someone you expected. “Hey, you’re awake.” Janis smiled at you, “What do you need?”

You kicked off the blanket, slowly getting your legs off the bed. “Uh— why are you— why are you here?”

“Regina called me.”

“For what? I—”

“Don’t fight it.” Janis looked at you, “Let us take care of you.”

“I don’t want to get you sick too.”

“I don’t get sick, I’ll be fine.” Janis spoke in a tone that immediately shut you up. That and the fact that you were feeling like utter crap. “What do you need?”

“The bathroom.” You stood up unsteadily. Janis put her arm around you to give you the support you needed to make your way there. “Now, how are you feeling?”

“Stomach hurts. I’m not that nauseous anymore. Very thirsty but I’m scared I can’t keep it down.” You answered, slightly irritated. She feels your forehead, “Did she give you fever meds?”

“Not after I couldn’t even keep water down.” You spoke. Then before she could even say a word, “Scratch that, gotta puke.” You made u-turn for the bathroom again and barely made it to the toilet to spill the contents of your stomach.

Janis seethed, “I’m sorry, honey.” She rubs your back and made sure your hair didn’t get in the way.

Meanwhile downstairs, Regina was going batshit crazy. “Fuck!” You groaned, finally feeling okay enough to back away and sit down. “Can you go check on—”

“I’m not gonna leave you here alone.” Janis crouched down and then sat next to you.

“God I’m so tired.” You mumbled, on the verge of tears.

“I might have something for you that could help.” Janis held your face, “It’s in my car, I’ll go get it.”

She scurries away to go get whatever it was. You dragged yourself back to your bed, staring at the bottle of water on your nightstand, tempted.

As you attempted a sip of it, Janis returns with a little snack container. “My Dad buys this sometimes when he goes back home, he says it helps with a bunch of stuff including nausea, so, here— take this and just leave it in your mouth and let it sit.”

You took the li hing mui from her and just popped it into your mouth. You recognised it, she always had this with her and she was always snacking on it. “I’ll keep the rest of it right here, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Did you try some water?”

“Like, a sip.” You told her, voice muffled due to what you had in your mouth. Regina shows up in your room next, “You couldn’t get her on the phone?”

“No.” Regina shook her head, sad. Like, actually sad. “How’re you feeling?”

“I threw up again, but what she gave me helps.” You shrug, leaning back against the headboard. “What time is it?”

“A little after midnight.” Regina answers. Janis settles down next to you. “Go to sleep, Reg. Forget I even asked about mom, there’s no point anymore— she doesn’t care about me.”

Regina’s face fell, she hated that she couldn’t get Mom on the phone for you. She hated that she couldn’t deliver her promise.

“Can you try drinking a little more water, baby? Please? Keep that in your mouth and just drink, be careful though.” Regina hands you a new bottle of water.

You complied, wanting nothing more than quenching the thirst now. But still, you took only cautious sips to make sure you didn’t make things worse for yourself. After finishing about half the bottle you set it down and made sure the plum in your mouth was entirely dissolved before you allowed yourself to sleep. Even then, you could feel Janis and your sister watching you like hawks. You couldn’t take the feeling of having eyes on you so you shot back up and told them, “Don’t keep looking at me.” It came out in a whine though— you couldn’t exactly control that.

“Okay, I’ll be in my room, alright? Do you have everything you need?” Regina asks, ‘Minus Mom.’ She thought to herself.

“Yeah. Good night.” You replied dismissively, however while Regina leaves the room like you’d asked, Janis did not budge.

“Nice try, I’m not leaving ya.” Janis smirked, pressing a kiss to your forehead. Then, of her own accord, she dipped a rag in a bucket of water and put that on your forehead after wringing it dry. You were not happy about it.

“Get away from me, I don’t want you getting sick.”

Janis sighs quietly but doesn’t say anything about that statement of yours. “Close your eyes.”

You did so, cuddling with that carnival prize she won for you.

“Attagirl.” She smiled, relieved that you seemed significantly better at the moment. “G’night. Wake me up if you need anything, okay?”

“M’kay.” You mumbled then drifted off to sleep.

————

You woke up one time that night thanks to a sudden pang of insane nausea that had you clinging to the toilet but nothing came out of you since your stomach was practically empty.

“Don’t cry, honey.” Janis rubs your back attempting to soothe you.

“I feel like shit.” You sniffled, “Why am I so nauseous if I have nothing left in me?!”

“You wanna get back into bed?”

“Yes.” You looked up at her, absolutely tired of this night.

“Okay, c’mon.” Janis helped you up and back to bed. “I got you, honey. You’re okay.”

She sits with you till you fell asleep.

In the morning, you were alone in your room. But you did feel more…like yourself. You washed up and headed downstairs to locate your sister and Janis. “Hey.” Regina spotted you almost immediately. “You seem like you’re feeling better.”

“My stomach’s not hurting anymore, but I’m still having a fever.” You shrug.

“Take an Advil.” Regina hands you the bottle, “I’m making you some soup.”

“Where’s Jan—”

“Shower.”

“Okay.” You sat at the kitchen island and slowly dipped on your glass of water for awhile before you swallows the pill.

“You wanna take a shower?” Regina asks, “She could help you with that.”

“Oh, no, no. I’ll do that on my own.” You gasped, horrified by the idea of Janis seeing you that way.

Regina laughs, “Okay, but only if you’re sure you’re not gonna pass out or something.”

“I’ll be okay.” You exhaled harshly. “Hey, Reg?”

“Yeah?”

“How— how out of it was I?” You asked.

“Eh…not too bad.” Regina says. “Cried a little bit but I get that. You were always like that when you’re not feeling well.”

“Good god.” You groaned, “I’m sorry.”

Regina squinted, “Don’t apologise for that. You were going through a lot lotta crap last night. How’s the pill doing?”

“It’s…fine. Staying in my system this time.”

She chuckles, “Good.”

“Are you good? Do you feel sick?” You ask.

“Nope. We’ve been very careful: disinfecting everything regularly. After tonight, I’m deep cleaning your room: changing your sheets, wiping down everything, cleaning your bathroom. The works.”

“Okay—”

“Hey!” You heard Janis’ voice, “You’re up.”

“Hi.” You turned your head to look at her.

“Here, eat up.” Regina pushes a bowl of chicken noodle soup in front of you.

“Thanks, Reg.”

Well, everything was as good as it could get now. You were glad you were finally out of the worst part of it.

“I think you’ll be good to go back to school Monday.” Regina says.

“Yeah.” You agreed, “I think so too—”

The doorbell rings. “Open up, it’s Mom!”

“Oh, boy.” Janis grumbled.

You nearly choked on your soup and just abandoned your spoon as it clanked against the bowl. You glared at Regina, mouthing, “Why?”

“Because apparently she doesn’t have keys anymore.” Regina scoffs, flouncing toward the door. “What?”

“Well I thought I should come back and take care of—”

“Don’t even. You should’ve picked up as soon as I called you. You’ve got no excuse not to answer.” Regina lets go of the door, walking back into the foyer. June pushed her way into the house.

“Well I’m sorry but things have been really rough.”

“Rough? Rough was me having to work to make sure we don’t just have barely enough to pay to keep the lights on, to eat.”

“I send you the money for bills.”

“What—” Regina scoffs. “Rough was last night when I saw her so pale and throwing up and sobbing for you. She was crying for you to be there for her. To hold her and tell her things are going to be okay. Money isn’t everything, Mom. So the divorce was hard, do you think it only affected you? I may be your oldest daughter and capable to earn some money to make sure we don’t use up all of what you gave for bills. Surprise — she needs you and so do I. Now, more than we ever did. It was supposed to be the three of us against our problems. Not me and her against you and our problems.”

“Why is Janis here?”

“Why is that your first question?” You spoke up, “Why didn’t you pick up?”

“I’m sorry—”

“How much are you willing to bet that if I called your phone right now, it’s going to ring?” Regina glared at June then was dialling said phone number. “I knew it. You avoided us on purpose. Forget it, Mom. Go, go travel all over the country trying to avoid everything instead of caring for your kids who need you. Next time you’re back here, you won’t see us anymore. I found me and y/n a place away from here, we’ll move out soon. This place? There’s no use holding onto it. So, go have fun. Let the kids worry about life.”

“Well I’m here now.”

“After a whole year? You don’t look very willing to me. Be honest— you want to turn and leave. Look at yourself in the mirror. He’s not worth your time and energy, Mom.”

“Don’t come crawling back when your actions have already made it clear as day that you do not care anymore. You’re the grown up, why are we always left alone, always ignored by you?” You walked closer. “Why couldn’t we have gotten through this together? I don’t know how to trust you anymore, Mommy.”

“Baby, let’s take some deep breaths and calm down, okay?” Janis puts her hands on your shoulders, “I don’t want you to get too agitated right now.”

“Baby?” June’s eyes went so wide they might as well have popped out of her head right then and there, “Last I heard you two hated each other’s guts. Now what, suddenly she’s kissing your sister?”

“She stepped up when you couldn’t last night. No questions asked: held her hair back, rubbed her back, rubbed her stomach, held her close, fed her water, took care of her. Zero hesitation. We tried your phone for hours and you didn’t even bother responding with a text.” Regina growled. “That tells me everything I need to know. She’s a good person, and you, you have some work to do. And you better do it fast, pull your shit together, see a therapist, whatever. Life is tough, but if you’re going to wallow in self-pity, you’re not going to get anywhere.”

Janis led you upstairs, not wanting you to stay in that environment any longer. “I wanna take a shower, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course it is.” Janis chuckles lightly, “Do you want me to help you?”

“I think I’ll be fine. I just wanted to make sure someone knew I was in the shower in case, you know?”

“Mm, yeah.” Janis nods, brushing the slightly sweaty hair out of your face so she could see it better, “You go ahead, I’ll get you your clothes and your towel, hm?”

“Kay.” You agreed, finding the energy to smile back after hours and hours. But hearing the yelling still ongoing downstairs, you flinched when a voice got particularly loud.

“You’re okay. I’m right here, baby. Just focus on your shower, nothing else. I’ll be right here with you. Okay?”

“Okay.” You nodded, taking in a deep breath, “Thanks, Janis.”

“No problem, honey.” She squished your cheek gently, making you laugh. Then you got up and went into the bathrooms while she remained in your room.

Luckily, when you got out, the yelling had stopped. So you could relax again.

“You good?” Janis studied you. “Better, yeah.” You confirmed, quickly going to sit down on your bed.

“That’s good.”

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“Yes.” Janis assured, “I swear. If I’m ever sick, you will know because I will look as pale as a ghost.”

You giggled, “Alright. Thanks for coming over even though it was so late last night.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Janis grins, “One call or text, I’m here immediately.”

“Wait— you changed my sheets?” You realised.

“And we disinfected everything.” Regina appeared.

“Oh.” You jumped, startled.

Regina stifles a laugh, “Sorry. Anyway, Mom won’t be back until we’ve moved out. So you don’t have to worry about her coming over and me yelling at her.”

“You really found a place for us?” You asked.

“Sure did.” She confirmed, “It’s a lot smaller than here of course, but plenty of room for the two of us. With my savings and the fact that I’m working, we’re gonna do perfectly fine. Oh, and Cady’s gonna move in with us too. So Janis, you’re definitely allowed to come and go as you please, but if you want to move in too, the four of us, well technically three of us can share all the expenses. It’ll probably be an easier load this way.”

“How many bedrooms is that?” Janis asks.

“Two bedrooms. One bathroom’s connected to a room the other’s in the hall. You two could definitely share a room then I’ll do the same with Cady. I saw the place and it’s pretty spacious.”

“Tempting. But I probably won’t, I’ll definitely be there a lot though, obviously.” She says, gesturing to you.

“I wouldn’t expect anything else.” Regina smirked. “Anyway…I’m glad you’re feeling better. Are you hungry yet?”

“Actually, yeah. I am.”

“That’s a great sign.” Regina’s face lit up, “I’ll go prepare some rice and soup. Start light, okay? We’ll move on to other stuff tomorrow depending on how you feel after this meal.”

You sulked.

“Come on, just…take it easy on your stomach right now, baby.” Regina couldn’t help but crack a smile, “I’m willing to bet it’s still sore.”

“Yeah…” You answered, head slowly leaning on Janis’ shoulder.

“I’ll be downstairs, you two just do whatever you want. Yell for me if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay.” You sigh falls from your lips, “Thanks, Reg.”

“You’re so welcome, baby.”

Janis chuckles to herself, her arm winded around your waist gingerly, “Still sleepy, babe?”

“No.” You muttered.

“Are you sure?” She teased, “Lunch is gonna take her thirty minute at least.”

Your lips tug into a crooked smile as you snuggled closer to her. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Sure, y/n.” She says while rubbing your back, “Are you gonna let me get up to go grab the remote or do I have to carry you with me?”

You laughed, hiding your face in her chest for a second, “I’ll move.”

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

💭A/N:

This one got way longer than I expected it to, but I wanted to show Regina and Janis getting along, and of course, June(finally)

I’ll be ending this mini serie in the next part of two. :’)

#auli'i cravalho #renee rapp #janis ‘imi’ike #regina george #mean girls 2024 #sibling reader #x reader #reader insert #female reader #reader imagine #mgmm fics #wlw fanfiction #sfw #sickfic #fluff #multi part fic #requested

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mosaickiwi · 9 months

Note

Hey! Just a heads up, english is not my first language, so sorry if something sounds off! But first let me just say your writing is so good and the way you write [REDACTED] gives me so many feels like i can't even :') About the request, i've been kinda up to the neck in work (college likes to bury us in group projects, reports, exams, surgery preparations and hospital shifts all at the same time because time? what is that? :'D ) so if it's okay, could i ask for some [REDACTED] comfort where +

mialuna4 asked: + Angel, who's been trying to compromise by working close to him, finally gets a bit to properly relax with them? Thank you, take care of yourself and I hope you have a wonderful week! (Hope its okay to send this in two parts)

Thank you! School + healthcare work is tough so I hope you've been taking care of yourself as well. <3

14 Days With You is an 18+ Yandere Visual Novel. MINORS DNI

~A Little Free Time~

“I can't believe I'm done,” you sighed with relief. Even though you’d started in the morning, the sun was already setting by now.

The last assignment you had was finally finished. At least for the moment, there was time to unwind. [REDACTED] was quick to take advantage of it. Your bed creaked as he got up. The moment you shut your laptop, he dragged your chair away from the desk.

You weren't sure what you expected, but you were grateful when his hands came to rest on either side of your temple. Cool fingers began to massage in small circles to soothe the headache you hadn't noticed until then.

“Feel better?” you heard him say after a few minutes of bliss. The ache faded as you let out a pleasurable hum in response. “Good.”

His touch disappeared and your seat was gently spun to face him. You reached out for them, taking the chance to stretch as best you could once you were finally standing and tangled up in their embrace.

God, you'd been sitting in that chair for hours. “I never wanna use my brain again,” you jokingly whined into his chest before looking up. “Sorry it took so long.”

“S’alright, Angel. I missed you.” Dark hair brushed against your cheek as he leaned down to press his lips to yours. You were surprised by the fervent, almost desperate kiss he gave that took your breath away.

“But you've been here with me the whole time?” you wondered out loud once they pulled back to let you breathe again. Your work had absorbed the majority of your focus, but you were certain you would’ve noticed if he left the room outside of the breaks he made sure you took.

He didn’t answer right away, though the yearning in his eyes spoke for itself as he scooped you up in his arms and settled down on the bed. Your boyfriend didn’t miss you so much as your attention.

It’d been an exhausting few weeks. You couldn’t remember the last time you really got to do anything but work or projects, especially with him. All you could manage was letting him sit in the room with you.

Now that he had you situated in his lap, [REDACTED] seemed much calmer. His arms crossed over your front as if you were a doll he wanted to cling to. You felt the warmth of their breath tickling along your neck as they took their time to kiss and nibble any spot they could find. “Fuck, I really missed you,” he repeated in an aching whisper that you weren’t meant to hear.

“I missed you too,” you laughed. “There’s still a little bit of light out. Wanna head somewhere?” You couldn’t really think of anywhere to go, but surely you’d find something to do at the pier. The shops always stayed open well past midnight there.

He only groaned and rested his forehead on your shoulder. “Yeah. Jus’ let me recharge.” From the way he spoke, anyone else would think he was the one who’d been busy. You knew he was just happy to have you back.

You reached up to lightly rub the top of his head, and you swore you heard him purring. “On second thought, let’s just stay here.”

“Whatever y’wanna do s’fine with me,” he muttered into your back. But the way he clung to you kept you right where you were.

#14 days with you #14dwy redacted #momo reqs #sounds like ur in med school?? wishing u luck <333 #PLEASE take ur time to rest cause i know those schedules can be brutal #either way recharge ur batteries!!#also delayed posting this a bit cause of day 3 announcement yesterday 👉👈 sowwy

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averageanonymous · 8 months

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Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale go stargazing, and Aziraphale wonders just how much Crowley remembers from before his fall.

A fluffy little bit of post-series happiness.

☆~☆~☆~☆~☆

“Shame you can't see more stars from London,” Crowley laments with a sigh, easing back onto the fluffy quilt beneath them. He folds his hands under his head, crosses his legs at the ankles, and gazes up at the darkening sky. A red glow lines the horizon, and the stars are just beginning to peer down from the heavens.

“Mmm,” Aziraphale agrees from his right, still sitting up, legs folded beneath him. “It would certainly be more convenient. Although, surely there's somewhere closer we could've gone.”

“If you're going to stargaze, you have to do it properly,” Crowley counters, “No light pollution.”

“But Nevada?” Aziraphale insists.

“Sierra Nevada mountains,” Crowley agrees with a nod, “Stunning views. One of the darkest places on the planet. And we've never been.”

When Aziraphale still doesn't seem convinced, Crowley sighs, “Come on, angel, it's an adventure.”

Finally, Aziraphale smiles, “It is that. I do hope Muriel manages the shop alright, though.”

“They'll be just fine,” Crowley reassures him.

Comfortable silence falls between them. Not true silence, but the silence that exists where humanity is absent. A silence punctuated by cricket song and the rustle of rodents through the grass, the flap of bat wings and the murmur of a gentle breeze through trees that tower all around.

They listen and they watch and Crowley decides he would rather prefer it if the angel were down on the blanket with him. He brings one hand from under his head to tug on Aziraphale’s sleeve. Aziraphale glances down at him in question, then gives him a humoring smile when Crowley jerks his head towards the spot on the blanket beside him. With a sigh of his own, Aziraphale stretches out, his head settling easily on Crowley's arm.

“That's better,” Crowley says, nipping Aziraphale’s ear playfully.

“Oh, stop that,” Aziraphale scolds him, making no move whatsoever to actually stop the demon as he presses teasing kisses to his neck. After a moment, though, Crowley settles back, his focus returning to the sky. Well, most of his focus. There's definitely a portion still very much aware of the angel tucked into his side, a nudging mental voice telling him to forget the silly stars and pay all his attention to the wondrous work of art lying right beside him. But he does his best to ignore that part. They did come a long way, after all.

More and more stars appear above them, as though layers upon layers of gauzy curtains are being drawn back one by one, each unveiling a new spread of glittering gems scattered across the black velvet sky. The dusty band of the milky way stretches from horizon to horizon.

“Look at that…” Crowley marvels, breathless.

Aziraphale looks at the glittering sky, then turns his gaze to Crowley. Crowley's bright eyes are lost in the beauty of the canvas above them, his expression almost reverent. Aziraphale’s brow knits slightly as he looks at the demon, an expression caught between reminiscence and profound sadness. Crowley notices it out of the corner of his eye.

“What's on your mind,” Crowley asks easily. Aziraphale starts slightly at being caught staring.

“Just…remembering,” Aziraphale tells him honestly, but there's more caution in his voice than Crowley would expect.

Remembering what, he wants to ask. But he doesn't. Crowley waits. He can tell there's more Aziraphale wants to say. If he's quiet, it'll come out sooner rather than later.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale finally turns towards him. He rests his arm over the demon's narrow frame and gently asks, “how much do you remember… From before…?” The exquisite tenderness in Aziraphale's voice softens the question. Crowley still stiffens, though. He can't help it. Whatever he was expecting, this wasn't it. Aziraphale feels his tension and immediately walks the question back, “You don't have to answer that, love, it was, well, I know it's not fair to ask.”

“No, nah, s'alright angel,” Crowley says softly after a moment, his arm tightening around Aziraphale, “We've never talked about it. Hard to believe after six thousand years…”

He's quiet for a long moment, then shifts himself until the two of them are lying face to face on the blanket. Crowley takes Aziraphale’s hand in his, threading their fingers together, then props his head up on his other arm, looking down at Aziraphale, but his gaze is lost somewhere in the past. Aziraphale waits patiently. Finally he says, “It's impressions, mostly, more than any sort of actual memories. The Fall…sort of burns away most of the specifics.”

Another long stretch of heavy silence.

Crowley's voice is hushed when it comes, “I remember God,” he pauses, then continues, “and bits and pieces of creation. Faces, conversations, most all that's a blur. I remember… early on, feeling…bliss, I guess. Peace, at any rate. Knowing I was a part of something. Of course that was before-”

Crowley breaks off a bit abruptly, looking back up at the stars.

“Before what?” Aziraphale prompts, squeezing Crowley's hand.

Crowley groans, “Ahhh well, before you.”

Aziraphale raises an eyebrow, and Crowley grins, lifting their linked hands to brush his lips over the angel's knuckles. “Bet you thought I forgot, eh?” Crowley teases, “The Pillars of Creation, I think it was… First time I met you. I remember you helping me, got me asking questions. I've not got a lot of memories, but…guess you made an impression on me.”

To Crowley's surprise, Aziraphale’s face crumples in dismay, his blue eyes pained. He looks away as though he could hide it. “Crowley,” he says quietly, his voice nothing less than devastated, “I'm so sorry. I never meant to… I only wanted to-to help, and you were so joyful, so exuberant and- and you didn't know about-”

“Shhh no, no, no, stop all that,” Crowley interrupts him quickly, gathering him into his arms. He chuckles quietly, brushing his nose playfully against Aziraphale’s to encourage him to lift his face, to meet his eyes. When he does, Crowley insists, “Angel, I didn't fall because of you. You know I wasn't ever going to last as one of you lot. It's not your fault. You…opened my eyes a bit, maybe, but I made my choices.

“And you know I wouldn't trade a thing,” Crowley continues quietly, adamantly, pulling Aziraphale even closer, his breath warm on Aziraphale’s skin as he speculates, “because being a demon is the only reason I got to be on Earth with you all these years. If I were still an angel, I'd probably be stuck in some corner of the universe running routine maintenance on dark matter and black holes and-”

Aziraphale kisses him then, and Crowley is more than happy to let the remaining threads of the conversation spin away like leaves caught in a whirlwind. The angel, for all his public decorum and proper manners, always kisses him like he's starving for it. It makes Crowley feel like a star on the brink of a supernova, the rush of emotions like a celestial tide pulling him out into a starry sea. He smiles against Aziraphale’s lips.

Aziraphale's hands trace up his chest, dance over his collarbones, trail the column of his throat before threading into his hair. Each touch of fingers to skin races down his spine. His breath sounds haggard in his own ears as Aziraphale trails kisses along his jaw, fingers in his hair pulling his head back gently.

And then, after not nearly enough, and with one last gentle kiss to Crowley's lips and another to his brow, Aziraphale settles back.

Crowley is about to growl his dissatisfaction with this change of direction, but Aziraphale shushes his complaints before he can even voice them. He tips his face up to the sky and then looks back at Crowley with eyes as bright as any star. “We did come a damn long way to look at these stars,” he chides warmly.

“Hnnnn,” Crowley grumbles, but he too settles back into the blanket, arms around his angel, legs tangled together, and turns his face to the sky.

☆~☆~☆~☆~☆

Thanks for reading!

Have you ever gone legit stargazing in a place where you can see the Milky Way and shooting stars? It's literally one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. It makes you feel so small.

#good omens #crowley #aziracrow #aziraphale #fanfic #aziraphale x crowley #gomens #good omens fanfiction #good omens fluff #ineffable husbands #crowley x aziraphale

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aesteraceae · 1 year

Text

Since I'm not there...

Summary: In which d (predicably) goes feral over the lollapalooza performances and (unpredictably) writes their first ever Dom chan fic.

Or: You've seen Chan's Lollapalooza performance and have some thoughts about his outfit.

Notes: y'all I wrote this like 20 minutes ago and I hope u can tell how insanely unwell I am. Chan is.... Whoa. Just whoa.

Tags: chan/reader, fem reader, soft Dom chan, sub reader, phone sex, fingering, petnames (baby and sweetheart), patronizing language, aftercare

Lovely taglist: (special thanks to @snow-pegasus @simpracha & @jxsungie01 for indulging my brainrot) @sunnyville36 @toastyseungmo @sstarryoong @decaffedthoughts @bunnypig18 @xcookiemonsteer

You're pacing up and down the house, phone pressed tight to your ear and eyes glued to the tablet screen in front of you, showing a recording of the performance.

---

"Bang Chan!"

He just laughs over the receiver, full bodied and just the slightest bit mischievous.

"I guess you've seen the performance?"

You don't respond at first, just let out a pained scream-like noise as the video replays.

"You are so fucking lucky I'm not in Paris right now, oh my god-"

Chan laughs again, but it's darker, with a more dangerous edge.

"Oh yeah? And what would you do if you were here? You can barely hold yourself together watching a video."

You go still, blinking at nothing in particular, and you can almost imagine his grin at your silence.

"That's what I thought. It's cute that you were at least trying to be angry, though."

You scoff, but it sounds pathetic even to your own ears. "I am angry. I want-" You groan again, biting your lip.

"What? What do you want, baby?"

His voice is dripping with both condescension and amusement, and the pairing goes straight to your hips, pooling warmth there until you have no choice but to press your thighs together.

Still, though, when you open your mouth to respond, nothing comes out. You want to tell him that you want nothing more than to be bent over a couch or desk or hotel bed, split open on his cock while you watch his arms flex above you, but all you can manage is a pathetic sounding whine.

"Aw, baby. Is it too much for you? Too difficult, not being able to have me right now?"

You curse, and retreat to your bed. You have half a mind to fuck yourself on your fingers just to make him as desperate as you are, but your hands stay put on the phone and on your thigh.

"When are you getting back?" You ask instead of answering his question, and he laughs again.

"Tomorrow morning. How about this," There's a slight shuffling on the other end, like clothes being pulled off, "I'm going to send you a photo, and you are going to fuck yourself to it while I jerk off,"

You're already climbing up the bed, slipping lube out of a drawer and pulling off your pants.

"And then, when I get home, I'll fuck you properly, and make sure you have something to remember next time I have to go somewhere, yeah?" His voice is breathy by the end of the sentence, and if you listen closely, you can hear the telltale sound of slick skin against skin.

"Because, baby, I'm sure millions of people want me right now, but you are the only one who gets to have me."

Your phone pings with an alert, and you quickly put the phone on speaker so you can look at it and hear him, one hand already pressing between your legs.

It's a photo, just like he promised.

Chan is lying on the bed, wearing nothing but that fucking white tank top, shoulders glistening with sweat. His cock is hard and flushed and perfect, and you feel your mouth watering as your fingers push fully inside yourself.

"You're the only one who can make me this hard," He whispers, voice brimming with barely restrained pleasure, "The only one who can make me cum, just from the thought of your fingers buried inside yourself, so desperate for me that you can't think of anything else."

You whine, writhing on the bedsheets, and you realize with a breathless moan that you're already getting close.

"Chan," You sob, gasping, and he just laughs at you again, hitching into a moan that makes your toes curl.

"That's it, baby. Come- come undone for me." He moans and growls, and you can hear the slick sounds speed up, "Want you to cum on your fingers, but know that it's not enough, not what you need."

Your back pulls up off of the bed, chest heaving, fingers moving hard and fast, like Chan would if he was here. But just like he said, it's not enough. Chan is thicker than your hands could ever be, hotter than any toy, and a distant memory of him inside you, pulsing and hot and moaning into your ear makes a scream build in your throat.

"Chan, Chan- Please, Please, I need it, need you-"

Chan moans on the line, and he sounds just as wrecked as you feel. "I know, baby, I know. Come undone for me, sweetheart, and I promise, I'll be there soon to give you what you really need."

Tears cling to your eyelashes as you push harder, deeper, dropping the phone onto the sheets to push another hand over your clit, tight circles, and you can't help but think of Chan like this, his thumb circling you, urging you over the edge of a cliff—

"Chan, Chan, Chan!" You shriek as your self control snaps, thighs snapping around your wrists and quivering, throat nearly raw from the noises that follow as you come fully and completely undone for him.

"Yes, that's it, baby, yes-" Chan's voice pitches up and you listen, dazed, as he groans through his own orgasm, and he sounds so perfect that you clench down around nothing again.

Chan comes down faster than you do, whispering soft reassurances as you shake through the aftershocks. You drink some water and clean yourself up a bit, but that's all you can really manage.

"Rest, baby. I'll be back home soon, I promise." Chan whispers, sweet and gentle. Your eyes are fluttering closed as he speaks, but you mutter, "Love you," Before sleep fully drags you into it's hold.

"I love you too, sweetheart."

#stray kids #skz smut #skz #bang chan #bang chan x reader #skz x reader #dahlia writes #i should probably change that tag atp but who cares honestly

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ana-chronista · 5 months

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Meow there 😸💛💛, I hope you are well 💛.

For the kiss prompt i would love bojure 17 ... to distract + 48 ... out of habit, please.

Have a nice day 💛💛💛💛💛

First, sorry for the delay - one of these came easier than the other but I wanted to wait until I could share both! (The one that was harder actually went through a whole premise change...) Secondly, thanks for the prompts - this is my first time writing Bojure! I hope I did it justice.

17 ... to distract

The thing about Jure is that he doesn’t get nervous. Bojan’s certainly never seen that look on him, and he’s fairly sure Jure would need a dictionary definition of the word before being able to confirm that he’s never experienced it in his life. “What time is it now?” No, what Jure gets is impatient. “It’s five minutes after you last asked, Muca.” Right now he’s little more than a vibrating ball of energy, hunched over and drumming on his thighs with his palms. “So why haven’t they called yet?” And Bojan gets it, he really does. The committee had told them they’d call by 11am to let them know if they’d been picked for next year’s Eurovision – because for all that there’s no national selection this year, there’s still a process to follow – and there’s nothing that puts you on edge quite like waiting to hear if you’ve managed to land the biggest opportunity of your career so far or not. Jan and Nace are at least twenty minutes into their stress smoke somewhere outside, and Kris is busy pacing the practice space below, organising and reorganising their equipment while speaking rapidly with someone on his phone in a voice too low to catch. Bojan had retreated to the loft to focus on his breathing, and Jure had joined ten minutes later, muttering something about feeling better from a higher vantage point. The fact is, they’re all more than a little tense as the seconds drag by, and he understands fully, a hundred and ten per cent, what Jure is feeling right now. “They just said around 11. It doesn’t mean they’re always going to be dead on, you know?” But his bouncing on the couch next to him is doing nothing to soothe either Jure or himself – in fact, it’s only agitating them both worse. “You’ve definitely got the volume up on your phone?” Bojan’s not sure he’s ever felt so incredulous as he does in that one moment of looking over at his friend. “Seriously, Jurček?” “Well, I don’t know!” Jure huffs in protest. “You might not.” “Do you not think that’s the first thing I would have checked?” He hates that his fingers are now itching to actually do just that. Irritation flares up white-hot inside of him, gritting his teeth and tensing his muscles. “I don’t know! Knowing you, probably n-” Bojan has moved before he even realises it, the only thought in his head that Jure needs to not be talking right now. Suddenly he’s pulled Jure close by his shoulder and the back of his head, crushing his mouth against the drummer’s to cut him off. There’s barely any time to register anything past the warmth of his lips before he breaks away “Boj-” Before he can start up again, Bojan reels him back in for another kiss, this time less hurried but more forceful. He can take it all in properly this time: how Jure’s mouth falls open for him, how he reaches up to brush Bojan’s hair back behind his ear, how much he pushes right back. Jure’s body has stilled now as though all of his energy is just being channelled into this one point of contact, and Bojan can’t pretend it’s not the same for him. His heartrate steadies and his muscles uncoil. It’s like the whole world has narrowed down just to the man next to him on the couch. In fact, it’s narrowed so much that it takes Kris calling him from the floor below to make him jolt back. “Bojan, answer your phone!” It’s only then that he registers his phone ringing at long last. Cursing, he fumbles to answer the call, answering Jure’s laughter only with a dig in the ribs that makes him squeal and squirm away even as Bojan does his best to sound professional and mature. When he next kisses Jure just five minutes later, it’s in celebration instead.

48 ... out of habit

Bojan can’t remember when, or even exactly how, the whole kissing thing had begun. If he had to guess, he’d put it somewhere within the first few months after Jure officially joined the band, probably at some party or on a night out with the others. He’s not even sure if he made the first move or if Jure did, but one of them must have done, because suddenly the tradition was born. Greeting each other for the first time after weeks apart? A kiss on the cheek. Saying goodbye after a night out? A kiss on the cheek. Congratulating one another after a successful gig? A kiss on the cheek. There were rules, of course, unspoken but still there. It had to be as over the top as possible. Why bother if it didn’t involve sweeping in, grabbing the other one dramatically, and landing the biggest, loudest, longest kiss on the cheek known to man? That was all part of the fun. Then, naturally, it became too funny not to do it all the time. Managing not to misplace a suitcase while travelling? Welcoming each other back to the room after five minutes? Celebrating a win in the never-ending Joker Out Uno tournament? No incident was too small to mark with another kiss on the cheek – jokingly, of course. And sometimes it might evolve to a kiss on the lips instead. Bojan did remember how that one had started, the time he’d come in too quick and accidentally caught Jure’s mouth instead as he turned his head. But the laughter had been instantaneous, and Jure had returned it with even more spectacle, so it was all fine. The rules remained the same for the odd time it happened, though usually it devolved into them wrestling to dip the other one first and laughing too much for them to ever make it to each other’s mouths.

And if anyone had ever asked, he’d have to say he’s never really thought about it. It’s not like he hasn’t kissed each of his other bandmates at one time or another, and he knows they’ve all done the same. They’re all just that tactile with each other, like good friends tend to be. So what if he and Jure have this long-running joke just between them as well? That’s also something that good friends do. And he carries on never really thinking about it – except for maybe the odd plan to ambush Jure in ever increasingly over the top ways – until one night in London. Or early one morning, really. It’s just after three, and while the others had dispersed to their rooms after they all bundled in from the pub, Bojan had decided to sit up for a while to work on the rest of the lyrics for their new song. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but the buzz of enthusiasm had long since dried up once the words pinging around his mind decided that they just didn’t want to go onto the page properly. All he had to show for the last couple of hours were pages of increasingly frustrated scribbles and crossings out. “You’re still up?” Bojan jolts at the sudden noise, head whipping up. Jure is in the doorway, dressed for bed and hair all over the place. He’s clearly just woken up. “I thought I heard something.” he explains before Bojan can muster a reply. He nods towards the pages that Bojan had already given up on, torn from his notebook and now crumpled up and scattered by his feet. “Not going so great, huh?” The sound Bojan heaves in response as he buries his head in his hands is somewhere between a groan and a sigh. Caught up in his own frustration, he doesn’t realise that Jure has crossed the room until he feels the couch dipping next to him and a hand wrapping around his, pulling it from his face. All of a sudden he’s aware of just how much his own hand hurts from scratching away with the pen for so long as Jure smoothes out his fingers, kneading at cramped tendons and aching muscles. But before he can say anything – a protest that he should really get on with these lyrics or a joke that Jure should open a massage business as a sideline – Jure brings his palm up and presses his lips to it gently. The touch is barely there but it lingers for a moment longer than a joke should and Bojan finds that any and all words die in his throat. This isn’t something either of them have ever done before, but Jure’s eyes are still locked with his, calm and almost challenging. And then the moment is over. Jure gives his hand one last squeeze but doesn’t let go as he stands. “Come on. Come get some sleep. This can wait until actual morning.” It sounds so straightforward, so matter of fact, that all Bojan can do is nod and let him pull him to his feet. He’s right – there’ll be plenty of time later, and for now he’s got too many other questions on his mind to be able to concentrate.

#ana answers #fanfic #bojure

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uhohbestie · 5 months

Text

There Are Monsters Nearby [Chapter 15]

🏜 Pairing: Grian/Scar

🧟‍♂️ Tags: zombie AU, zombie apocalypse, lovers to exes, slow burn, eventual reconciliation

📖 Summary: The day after Scar breaks up with Grian, the dead come back to life. Knowing that venturing out alone is a death sentence, the sudden onset of the apocalypse forces them to stick together despite the tensions between them. In the wreckage of the world, they're forced to survive side-by-side, coming to terms with the fact that—try as they might—there's still no one they trust more than each other.

Chapter 15 - With Scar up and walking again, the group decide to move on from their ghost town. Scar and Grian manage to get some time alone on their continued trek north, but can you really reconcile and reconnect over something you've yet to properly talk about?

📝 Words: 10,269

🔗 Link: Read Chapter 15 on AO3

—

“I need you to stop treating me like I’m made of glass,” Scar says in the privacy of his and Grian’s room, sitting on the edge of what’s become their bed as he packs the little he has into his bag. “I know my body. I know what I’m capable of. Trust me, Grian. These babies can go for miles.” He says it with a smile, patting his thigh with ample confidence.

“What if you can’t, though?” Grian asks, arms clutched around himself, saying what he no doubt feels they must both be thinking.

“Then you leave me next to a cactus to die,” Scar replies, flat. “And you hope the next time we meet we’re in a world with magic so I can wizard my legs better with a healing crystal or something.”

His words catch Grian’s attention. A tender curl of hope maybe, nurtured by the past two days of civility they’ve enjoyed.

“You think we’d meet in another life?” He asks, gentler than Scar would’ve expected.

It’s a concept Grian would’ve shrugged off before the apocalypse.

Now Scar finds him clinging to it with curiosity.

Scar gives him a look, caught somewhere between fond and frustrated by Grian’s priorities. Instead of answering, he braces his hands on his knees, leveraging himself up with a wince that he manages to almost completely hide.

“Let’s get going.”

—

Here we are with another chapter of Zombie AU! Dipping back into Scar's POV in this calm before the storm. We hope you like it!

You can read the whole story thus-far linked below!

You may not rest now, There Are Monsters Nearby (on ao3!)

#trafficshipping #scarian #life series fanfic #zombie au #TAMN #TAMN fic

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robininthelabyrinth · 1 year

Note

A prompt: I'm still in love with Second madam nie. Anything from her POV, maybe including her favourite person, nie mingjue?

ao3

"Send Huaisang to my office. Immediately."

Nie Mingjue’s order went out, and no sooner out than fulfilled, even if Nie Huaisang did show up looking disgruntled and a little disheveled, as if someone strong had hoisted him up over his protests, thrown him over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and whisked him away when he'd much rather be in his room reading or in a shop buying something. This was precisely what had happened, so Nie Huaisang felt entirely justified, even if his brother frowned ominously at his not-befitting-an-heir-of-a-Great-Sect appearance.

Still, his brother refrained from scolding (for once) and merely said, "Close the door."

Nie Huaisang did, his interest reluctantly piqued.

"Something political that I'm not supposed to know about?" he asked. "Or...?"

"Or," Nie Mingjue confirmed, and produced a letter. "Your mother wrote to you."

Nie Huaisang couldn't stop himself from wrinkling his nose.

Nie Mingjue noticed. "What's the matter? You don't want to hear from Second Mother?"

Actually, no.

Neither Nie Huaisang nor his mother had ever managed to properly explain to the bull-headed Nie Mingjue that certain types of people simply couldn't abide sharing space with another of their own kind - yes, even their own children, yes, even from a young age - and as a result he worked tirelessly to maintain his little brother's relationship with his long-absent, presumed-dead-by-most-people mother over both their protests. His persistence and earnest insistence that familial relationships were important was a little cute, actually, but it did mean that it was awfully hard to skive off without actually engaging.

Of course, the same was true on his mother's side. Nie Huaisang had to suppress a snigger at the thought of his brother hunting down and officiously scolding a fox in some forest somewhere with instructions to write more often.

"Are you going to read it?" Nie Mingjue prompted, and the expression on his face suggested that the answer to the question was required to be 'yes' and also 'right now, in this room, while being watched’. Nie Mingjue would never be so rude as to actually interfere with or eavesdrop on Nie Huaisang's correspondence, but previous experience had already shown him that listening to Nie Huaisang's claims of wanting to read it later or in private would only result in the letter not being read at all, whether due to negligence or it "accidentally" being destroyed in a fire or somesuch.

Damn Nie Huaisang's former self for having used up all the good excuses too early!

"Oh, all right," Nie Huaisang grumbled, and settled himself down to read. At least he could be fairly sure that the content would be about a subject of his liking - after all, the only thing Nie Huaisang had in common with his mother, other than a shared bloodline, was a fondness for his older brother.

Hey, pigface -

(Rude as always, Mother.)

I would say that I hope you're doing well, but I don't actually care (it's mutual!) and I'm sure that if there was anything wrong with you, my darling pork bun would have already conveyed it to me. (Almost certainly true.) He'd be ever so distressed about it, the poor tasty little lamb, so you'd better keep yourself in one piece for his sake, you hear me? (Like Nie Huaisang was going to get anywhere near danger anyway. She wasn't wrong about how much Nie Mingjue would worry, though, so Nie Huaisang reluctantly agreed with the sentiment - he'd be able to point to that when his brother ever so politely inquired as to what his mother had written. See, a positive interaction! They were capable of it! Mostly!)

As for your delicious older brother...(She'd better not say anything about Nie Huaisang stopping him from getting into danger, because that was impossible; Nie Mingjue and danger were practically best friends) well, I will only say, if he dies, you are to avenge him.

(Obviously.)

Now, I'm equally certain that you don't give one fig for my own state of health (completely correct), so I won't bore you with that. I will say that your cousin in Dongying is doing very well (that was good, Nie Huaisang had liked him, though of course he'd liked the fact that the man lived all the way away in Dongying even better) and his musically inclined partner sends you in particular his regards. (He'd probably mispronounced it.) I'll spare you how he mangled it (called it!) and tell you instead that he is still proficient in that song you taught him (aww, how cute). I enclose some little tricks that you might find useful (please no) assuming you ever endeavor to be useful (never!)

Now, onto the most important subject (about time) - how is my tender little zongzi doing? (What a stupid question, she literally saw da-ge when she gave him this message.) He seemed fine in person, but you know he doesn't want to burden people with his troubles (sad, but true) and he is especially cautious when there's a chance that the person in question wants to help out (that's because certain people thought the only way to help any situation involved murder and/or eating people). I expect at least four pages of his day-to-day activities (psst, like Nie Huaisang was going to strain himself to do something like that) in exchange of which I will provide a brand new illustrated set of your preferred brand of picture book (...damn her for knowing his weaknesses).

Stay alive and in your own territory (same to you, Mother), and best wishes to my best little savory dumpling in the world, may he be ever delicious and ready to eat.

(Stop being weird, Mother.)

(Also, he wasn’t hers, he was Nie Huaisang’s.)

"No signature, as always," Nie Huaisang observed, and Nie Mingjue snorted.

"Like anyone could mimic how your mother talks."

Nie Huaisang thought about it, then shrugged in agreement.

"How is she doing?"

Nie Huaisang gave his brother an incredulous look, which (rightfully) made the older man flush.

"I have no idea how to tell," he defended himself. "I just want to know that she's not facing any difficulties, that's all. She'd never admit it if she was."

Only da-ge, Nie Huaisang thought fondly, and also No wonder she likes him so much.

It was, he had to admit, the one area in which his mother had impeccable taste that completely accorded with his own.

His da-ge was simply, unquestionably, the best.

#mdzs #my fic #my fics #nie huaisang #nie mingjue #second madame nie #just a silly thing

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aeliuss · 4 months

Text

Not Rain nor Snow

Pairing: Seungmin x afab!reader

Genre: Angst (like seriously, ANGST)

Synopsis: when you moved to s.korea you didn't expect to fall in love. but fall in love you did, and you fell hard. but sometimes love isn't enough of a reason to stay.

Warnings: slight mentions of depression, mentions of pet death, break up

Notes: back with more angst lol. this was supposed to be short but then it spiraled into over 3k words. for some reason i feel like seungmin would be one of the first of the boys to fall in love, even though he's a menace. anyway, hope you enjoy! feedback is always appreciated :) also, let me know if you guys want a part 2!

(also the title is inspired by that one quote that goes, "People are not rain or snow or autumn leave. They do no look pretty when they fall down.)

When you were nineteen you fell in love with a boy who took his coffee black.

Stolen glances and flustered, sheepish grins turned into friendship. He visited the cafe you worked at regularly. Sometimes everyday. But other times, he would disappear for months, without a trace, without a single text. The third time this happened, you asked him if he worked for the Mafia.

He laughed, scratching the back of his neck. He told you he worked as a manager at an entertainment company. That sometimes, he had to go overseas. You were new to South Korea, so you didn't have many friends here, nor did you listen to the music much, so you believed him. And he was a good liar.

He asks you to be his girlfriend a year later at the park, watching the sun set. You were so happy you kissed him on the spot. He didn't kiss you back, so you pulled away, mortified, but he catches your wrist, pulls you against him, kisses you properly. Even though his entire face is flushed like a tomato, up to the tips of his ears. The setting sun bathes him in a golden glow. You think you might love him already.

When you were twenty you finally met his friends. Seven other boys who were nice enough but kept giving you odd glances when they thought you wouldn't notice. One of them cringes slightly when you ask if they also work in management. Seungmin swoops in, hand on your waist, changing the subject so smoothly you forget about their reactions completely.

You found it weird of course. The fact that when you asked him who exactly he managed, he waved the topic off, saying something about how he handles paperwork and that that would bore you. The fact that he never wanted to take you out to popular couple spots, and when you ever did go somewhere public, he wore a mask and a cap so low it hid his eyes sometimes. One time, you could've sworn you heard a high schooler call out his name at the amusement park, but before you could turn around, he is guiding you to the churro stand and you're salivating too much to care.

You let all these things go. Brushed away the creeping doubts in your mind. Nothing else mattered but the fact that he loved you, you reasoned with yourself. He was sassy, and silver tongued, but he was gentle with you. Made sure you ate and slept well when it was exam week. Listened to you rant about the same thing for the nth time and acted like it was the first. Surely, whatever he was hiding couldn't be that bad if he loved you like this?

You were still twenty when you finally found out. Finally mingling enough with the other international students at your university to call a few of them 'friends.' One of the girls smiled when she saw your lock screen--a picture of Seungmin at the beach on one of your dates-- and said, "Oh, you're a Stay too!"

Your curiosity morphed into an insatiable need for answers. You delved into the labyrinth of the internet, searching for clues, hints, anything that could illuminate the shadowy corners of Seungmin's life that he had kept concealed from you. And there it was, in bold letters on your screen: "Stray Kids."

Your heart plummeted as you clicked on the link, revealing a world you had been oblivious to—a world of music, of stardom, of screaming fans and flashing cameras. And there, amidst the dazzling array of idols, was Seungmin, his face illuminated by stage lights, his voice like an angel sent from the gods themselves.

You felt like you had been blindsided, as if the ground had been yanked from beneath your feet. How could he have kept such a monumental secret from you? Was everything between you just a facade, a carefully constructed illusion? Was that why he had hesitated to bring you around his friends, why he only did when you practically begged to meet them?

Questions swirled in your mind like a tempest, each one more agonizing than the last. Why hadn't he trusted you enough to confide in you? Had your entire relationship been nothing more than a convenient distraction from his real life, his real identity?

And as you stared at the screen, at the image of Seungmin smiling back at you from behind the glossy veneer of celebrity, you couldn't help but wonder if you ever truly knew the boy who took his coffee black.

You were twenty one when you told him of your discovery. It's not that you waited long, rather that your birthday was actually right around the corner and Seungmin claimed that he had gotten the day off to spend it with you. He showed up at your apartment bright and early, carrying a bouquet of flowers--your favorite-- and smiling brightly.

"We could do anything you want," he was saying now, sitting on the edge of the tub as he watched you get ready, blinking the hair out of his eyes distractedly. "There's a place not too far from here that sells your favorite food. Opened recently but the reviews are pretty great."

There's a bubble of something sour in your chest, and you grip your hairbrush tightly at the handle. "I don't know."

He tilts his head in that adorable puppy-like fashion that always had you swooning. "We don't have to, if you don't want to. There's this other place I saw the other day, and it made me think of you--"

"I don't think we should go out at all," You say, and he stops, looking confused.

"Really? That's...that's not like you."

Your nails are digging into your palms when you say, "Yeah. Wouldn't want you to be recognized."

All emotions are wiped clean from his face, and he looks at you carefully. You can feel the weight of his gaze, though you are avoiding his eyes in the mirror.

"Recognized?" He echoes but his voice sounds strained now, knee bouncing slightly.

You don't reply. Don't look at him.

He deflates, shoulders curving inward as he presses his face into his hands. "How long?"

Your heart hammers against your ribs, the air in the room thick with tension. "Long enough," you snap.

"I didn't mean for it to happen like this," he murmurs, voice barely above a whisper. You can't help the sharp, humorless laugh you make as you turn from the sink to finally face him.

"Yeah? How did you mean for it to happen then?"

He looks up at you then, and you see the pain etched in his features, mingling with guilt. "I was going to tell you, I swear. I just…

“Didn’t” You finish. “You just didn’t.”

You swallow hard, the anger simmering beneath the surface threatening to boil over. "Just leave, Seungmin. I can't deal with this right now." You really don’t want to say the wrong thing, but your anger is so intense you know that if he stays here, you just might.

For a moment, he seems resigned, defeated even, as he nods silently and turns towards the door. But just as he reaches for the handle, he stops abruptly, his shoulders tensing. And then, in a swift motion, he spins back around, his expression fierce, determined.

"Fuck that," he hissed, voice laced with desperation as he strides back towards you. Before you can react, he cages you against the sink, his hands braced on either side of you, effectively trapping you.

"Listen to me," he demands, his eyes searching yours for any sign of understanding. "I know I messed up. I know I should have told you about who I really am, about what I do. But there's so much more to this story than you know."

You glare at him, your frustration palpable. "I don't want to hear your excuses, Seungmin. You lied to me, over and over again. How can I trust anything you say now?"

He flinches at your words, but doesn't back down. "Because I love you," he insists, his voice raw. "And I never wanted to hurt you. But I had to keep this part of my life hidden, to protect you, to protect us."

You scoff, incredulous. "Protect us? From what?"

His grip on the sink tightens, his jaw clenched in frustration. "From the fuck ups of my world," he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. "From the scrutiny, the pressure, the constant threat of exposure. I wanted to shield you from all of that–"

You shake your head, unable to comprehend his reasoning. "You should have let me decide for myself. You should have trusted me enough to handle the truth."

He hangs his head, defeated. "I know. And I'm sorry. I was selfish, and cowardly, and I hurt you in the process.” He sucks in a breath, bending his head down so that you are eye level. “I’m sorry. I’ll tell you everything. Will you listen?”

You purse your lips. Nod, despite the part of you that wants to remain angry. The larger part of you wants him to tell you. So he does.

He tells you about the pressure of living a double life, of the constant fear of being exposed, of the weight of expectations bearing down on him from all sides. He confesses his fear of losing you, of never being able to bridge the gap between his public persona and his private self.

As he speaks, you can feel the walls around your heart starting to crumble, the layers of hurt and betrayal slowly giving way to understanding. You see the raw honesty in his eyes, the sincerity in his voice, and you realize that despite everything, his love for you is real.

You stay in for your twenty-first birthday. In Seungmin’s arms, crying when he tells you how hard it’s been for him, then crying again when he tells you how Stray Kids had saved him from himself. You are a tangle of limbs, of open hearts and whispered confessions. A mess of giggles and groans when you find the edits of him Stay has made. Of soft kisses and softer hands. Of falling into a love in which there is no return.

—-

But all good things must come to an end. You just never thought you would be the one ending it.

You were twenty-two when your phone was stolen and your pictures and texts with Seungmin released to the press. Chan and the management at JYP tried their best to soothe the waters but they refused to be soothed. They raged and raged and raged. And you find that you do not know how to swim.

The hate on you was hard to swallow, but expected. The people–and you refused to call them Stay because they weren’t–hated on your hair, your skin, your features, your voice, anything they could. They said that you were a whore that seduced their precious Seungmin. A gold digger. A slut.

You deactivated all your socials, but although you couldn’t see them anymore, you still heard them. They whispered to you and shook you from your sleep. Every step felt like wading through quicksand, every breath a struggle against suffocating despair. The barrage of hatred and vitriol from faceless strangers on the internet threatened to consume you whole.

Instead of distancing himself, Seungmin practically moved in with you during this time. Took off from promotions to reassure you, to hold you, to love you. He’d sing you to sleep with soft melodies, his voice a soothing balm to your shattered soul. He'd cook for you, clean for you, do anything and everything to ease the burden weighing heavy on your shoulders. It took a few months but you healed. Or you were healing. Until you found out about the hate against him. Found out from a call from Jeongin.

“If you love him, break up with him.”

The blood in your veins stilled. “What?”

You hear him shuffling through the phone line, hear the coldness of his tone. “Break up with Seungmin hyung. Your relationship is hurting him. It’s killing him. Didn’t you notice how he’s changed?” He scoffs. “Of course you didn’t. You're too busy wallowing in your own pity to realize that all you’ve ever done is tear apart everything he’s worked so hard to build.”

His voice is steel. It is the steel of a freight train that is smacking into your chest, making it hard to breathe. You don’t respond. Can’t. On the other line, Jeongin takes a deep breath, his voice softening.

“Look, I know you’re not a bad person. If things were different, I think you’d be perfect for him. But things aren’t different. And if you love him, you want what’s best for him. Don’t you?”

Do you? Or are you so selfish that you can only think of yourself, and what you need?

You observe Seungmin from afar, through your screen, as he had been forced back on his schedules. There are black circles stretched under his eyes, a furrow etched between his brows where there hadn't been before. He smiles at the camera but it never reaches his eyes. He is always the last to arrive but the first to leave. You wonder how you never noticed before.

You remember the whispered confessions, the tender moments shared in the quiet intimacy of your shared space. You remember the warmth of his embrace, the gentleness of his touch, the way he had poured his heart out to you, laying bare his fears and insecurities. And yet, despite the love that binds you together, you can't shake the nagging doubt that lingers in the recesses of your mind.

You wonder if you're doing more harm than good by clinging to him, by refusing to let go. You wonder if your presence in his life is a source of strength or if it's dragging him further into the depths of despair. You wonder if love, no matter how pure and genuine, is enough to withstand the relentless onslaught of hatred and condemnation.

And as you watch him, as he struggles to navigate the treacherous waters of fame and notoriety, you realize that you can't bear to see him suffer any longer. You can't bear to be the cause of his pain, the reason for his torment. You can't bear to hold him back from the life he was destined to live, the dreams he was meant to chase.

So when he calls you one night, tells you, “I need to see you,” in that weary, desperate voice of his, you agree to see him.

—-

It's a crisp, clear night when you finally meet him, the stars twinkling overhead like distant beacons in the vast expanse of the sky. You find him standing on the street corner, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his coat, his breath misting in the chilly air. He looks different somehow, the weight of the world pressing down on his shoulders, the burden of his fame etched into the lines of his face. But despite the weariness that clings to him like a second skin, there's a flicker of relief in his eyes as he sees you approaching.

As soon as you are close enough, he reaches for your hand, tugging you closer so that he can rest his head on your shoulder, inhaling deeply.

“I’ve missed you,” he murmurs against your skin, hand releasing yours in favor of your waist, pulling you closer against him.

You stand there in the quiet embrace, the weight of his words sinking in as you wrap your arms around him, holding him close. There's a bittersweet ache in your chest as you realize that this might be the last time you'll hold him like this, the last time you'll feel the warmth of his body pressed against yours.

"I missed you too," you whisper, your voice barely above a breath as you bury your face in the crook of his neck, inhaling the familiar scent of his cologne mingled with the crisp night air.

He pulls back, concern etched into the way he frowns. This side of Seungmin is one that not everyone gets to see. But he doesn’t try to hide it from you. Never has. Instead, he cups your cheek, tilting your face upward so he can get a better look at you. “Are you tired? Sorry, I know it’s late but it was the only time I could get away. You look tired.”

You manage a weak smile. “I’m okay. Just…Just thinking.”

He studies you for a moment, his gaze searching yours for any hint of what's going on in your mind. "You seem distant," he observes softly, his thumb tracing circles on your cheek.

Your hand encircles his wrist, pulling him away from your face. You don’t deserve the comfort his touch brings. You don’t.

He catches your fingers. “You’re cold.”

“Seungmin.”

“You should’ve brought a jacket.” He’s unraveling the scarf around his neck. You notice the slight tremble in his fingers. “Why didn’t you bring a jacket? I always tell you–”

“Seungmin.”

“I always tell you to being a jacket but you never listen–”

“I’m breaking up with you.”

He flinches, and the scarf slips from his fingers, pooling at his feet. Takes a shaky breath and bends down to retrieve it. When he speaks, he gives no indication that he even heard what you said.

“If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll get sick, y/n.” He says, wrapping the scarf around your neck. He adjusts the scarf around your neck, his movements methodical, almost mechanical.

“Seungmin, please listen to me–”

“No,” He snaps, breathing harshly, his breath fogging up in the winter air. His knuckles are white as he ties the scarf firmly around your neck. “I won’t let you do this.”

You shake your head, pushing his hands away. “It’s already done.”

“Why?” His voice is strained. “I thought we were…I thought…” He lets loose a sound of frustration, unable to voice his thoughts. “Why are you doing this?”

Your heart strains against the ribs that cage them in, and your tongue feels like lead in your mouth and you can’t believe you are about to utter the lies you are thinking. But you do anyway.

“Because I can’t be with you anymore.” You choke out. “I can’t take it anymore, Min. Your fans are batshit crazy and–”

“And I can protect you,” He protests. “I can shield you away from all that, I swear–”

“Well you’ve been doing a shit job at it,” The way he flinches makes you force down a sob. Force yourself to continue speaking. “It’s just not enough. This love…you are not enough for me.”

You unwrap the scarf from around your neck, thrusting it back into his hands, as he stands there, silent. ‘This is for the best, it’s for the best, I’m doing this for him–’

“But I love you,”

You realize you’ve never heard his voice crack before. Not in the way it does now, when he speaks, and you somehow know there are tears in his eyes so you don’t look. You can’t bear to look.

“I love you, y/n, did you hear me? I need you.”

And suddenly you’re remembering that time you were ten years old and cradling your old dog’s head against your chest. He is looking up at you with eyes that plead to be saved, to be healed, but the vet says it’s time for you to let go now. “But Mama, he needs me,” You had cried, and your mother, with infinite patience, had pried your little hands away from the center of your world and said, “He needs you to let him go now.”

He needs you to let him go now.

—---

Seungmin watches as you turn on your heel and walk away. Watches as he clutches the scarf in his hands and then somehow he’s back at the dorm and someone is asking him if he’s alright and there are needles pricking into his hands as he presses his nails into the palms of them

You’ll be back. You’ll come back to him.

His ears ring as he slams his way into his room and the questions follow him into the room, but Seungmin blocks it out with the pillow he shoves over her head. Everything is too much, and not even the pillow can’t muffle the cries in his head, the glass breaking in his heart. He grits his teeth, thinks about how he ruined everything. He ruined it.

Why? Why was he so weak? Why was everything around him dull and boring and shattered?

The blanket is too hot even in this winter cold when he pulls it over him, but he allows the suffocating feeling of it to ease the tension in his body. His eyes are damp, and he chokes on a sob in the pillow.

You don't come.

So, he remains in the room and picks up the pieces of his broken self, thinks about dancing with you, of your eyes. Thinks of a cafe, of black coffee that he never even liked but learned to after you got his order wrong.

His mind wanders through the fog of it, and Seungmin falls into the mattress, sinks into the worn springs of it, and doesn't move. Not for a long time.

(You don't come.)

#straykids #straykids fanfic #skz #straykids x reader #straykids x you #straykids x y/n #seungmin #kim seungmim #seungmin angst #seungmin fanfiction #seungmin fanfic #seungmin drabble #angst #sad

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