#hope you’re having a wonderful day!! enjoy your gay men!!!

[skyafied]

hi there! i really liked your heavy redraws and saw you were asking for suggestions so may I ask for a little red Oktoberfest smooch or general fluff? pretty please 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Oh yes yes you absolutely may!! Thank you so much for the request and kind words, I’m so glad you liked them!!! I am shaking you and spinning around rn!! 💥

As for the Red Oktoberfest fluff-

I think they both express love in their own way!! I love old men yaoi!!! I also managed to dig up this very old WIP, maybe I’ll get around to finishing it sometime :’D

[littlexscarletxwitch]

Florence pregnant is such a cute idea and I loved your fic about the baby talk! Can I request a fic on Florence being pregnant and the baby being born? WLW couple, first baby and they are so excited!

── ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎ 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝗶𝘀𝘆

paring: mum!florence pugh x fem!reader

tag(s): fluff, smut (or at least I tried), established relationship, pregnancy

warning(s): grammatical errors, unedited, not proofread, language, smut, wlw sex, oral sex (r receiving), fingering (r receiving)

word count: 2,504

note: Thank you for requesting this, I had so much fun writing it. I hope you don't mind I added the smut part, it just sort of happened. I really hope you like it. Also guys, (not sure if anyone actually reads this part) in two days I'm going on holidays, so i don't think I will be able to post anything, maybe some Florence's pictures/videos from time to time. But I can't make any promises. I'll tried to work on more fics tho, so once I'm back I'd just post them. I only have one request left for the moment, so I will try to post that before leaving. Also I was thinking of writing for Wanda and maybe some other Marvel characters. What do you guys think? I'm not a native english speaker, so please let me know about any sort of mistake. Hope you enjoy! <3

note 2: Since this is sort of my universe, I decided that a woman can get another woman pregnant so this would be Y/n and Florence's biological child. Yeah, I don't want men around Florence, even if they are fictional and technically created by me. Flo is for the girls, the gays and the theys.

requests are open! + check my rules here <3

It was raining outside when Florence told you the best news ever. 

You were looking out the window, admiring the rain. There was something so peaceful about the rain that just calmed you down, as though it was washing away all your worries. Billie sat next to you, cuddling in your thighs. She would stir when hearing thunder and get closer to you, as if looking for your protection. 

You were lost in your thoughts that didn’t realise Florence kneeling in front of you until she taped your knee, demanding your attention. 

“What is it?” you asked, you couldn’t read what she was feeling but knew she needed you to know something. 

“Do you remember me being sick the last couple of days?”

“Yeah, what about it? Are you sick again?”

“No, not quite,” Florence looked at Billie, trying to find some comfort and reassurance in her dog. She was scared of your reaction. “I, um, I realised why I was feeling sick.”

“What was it, baby?” you grabbed her hands and squeezed them softly, letting her know you were listening carefully to every word she was saying. She then looked at you, took a big breath and just spilled the words out of her mouth. 

“I’m pregnant,” she mumbled quickly, as if not actually wanting to tell you. 

It took you a whole second to understand her words, your eyes lighted up, a small smile forming on your lips. “You are? One hundred percent sure?”

“Yes, I took three tests. All positive,” her eyes were starting to get watery. 

You hugged her at the confirmation, tears forming in your eyes. But they weren't sad tears. Florence let out all the breath she had been holding since she saw the results of her tests once she felt your warmth. 

“Oh my god. We are going to be mums. I’m so happy. I love you so much, Flo. So so much,” you kissed all her face. 

Billie started to bark at the two of you, almost as if she knew that soon there was going to be a little human keeping her company as well. 

“You’re not mad?” Florence said, tears now running down her cheeks. 

“Why would I be mad? This is the best news ever. I’m going to call my mum, she’s going to love this. I can’t believe this. This is the greatest day of my life,” you kissed her lips and quickly grabbed your phone to tell all your acquaintances about the news. 

Florence could only look at you in wonder. She couldn't believe that just minutes ago she was afraid to tell you about this. How silly of her.

[...]

You guys were waiting for the doctor to call you in. Florence was now three months in. Her belly was showing a bit, but not enough to tell if it was a pregnant belly or a beer belly. You thought that it looked good on her, sometimes even hot. 

Minutes later you guys were called for the check up. This would be the first time you would look at the screen and see some kind of human resemblance. 

Florence was lying in the stretcher, her hand in yours giving you a squeeze. She was so excited to see her baby. 

“How are you guys doing?”

“Everything’s just fine, Doc,” she answered. 

“Glad to hear that. Okay, let’s take a look at the baby, shall we?” you only squeezed Florence's hand even harder. 

A few minutes later, when the doctor was done setting everything up, the screen lit up. At first you couldn’t understand what your eyes were looking at. The doctor said that she was taking measurements of the baby's head, hence the big circle taking up the whole screen. She then moved the instruments further down Florence belly and said that she was now taking measurements of the baby's femur. She did a few more examinations and then said:

“Okay, everything seems good. Now, let’s listen to the baby’s heart beat.” The three of you went silent and then, a second later, the room was filled by a loud thumping noise. “Wow, that’s a strong healthy heart, guys,” you could only smile at Florence, your eyes getting watery in just a second. “Okay, we’re done with the check ups. Let me show what you want,” she moved the instrument along Flo’s belly, and a second later a baby-like image showed on the screen. 

“Oh, god,” that was all you could say, mesmerised by the simple image in front of you. They were tiny, and all you could see was just their silhouette, but you knew they were perfect already. 

You looked at Florence, tears in the corner of her eyes as well, pecked her lips, and whispered in her ear how much you love her. 

[...]

“What about Rafaela?” 

“We are not naming the baby after you, Raffie,” the youngest pugh rolled her eyes pretending she was mad at her sister’s response. 

You and Florence were having dinner with her family, and the baby’s name came up as a topic for conversations. 

“Raffie, I’m sorry. But they are naming the kid after me. Y/n told me earlier, but she didn’t want to upset you,” Toby teased her little sister. You could only roll your eyes at the two of them, trying to hold your smile at Raffie’s clearly now upset face. 

“Toby, stop bothering your sister,” Deborah scolded him.

“I actually like the name Toby,” Florence added, just to annoy her sister even further. 

“Oh, come on, Flo. We can name our child after your brother of all people,” you winked at Raffie. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Toby asked in disbelief. 

You looked at Raffie and the both of you just burst in laughter.

[...]

Florence was now seven months in. Now everyone could tell that you knocked her up. 

You guys were watching a marvel movie. Your arm around Florence while your other hand was trailing small circles in her belly, hoping to get the baby moving. 

“I always liked the name Natasha,” Florence squinted her eyes at you, trying to tell if you were being serious or not. 

“We are not naming our kid after one of your favourite marvel superheroes.”

“Pff, that’s not why I–,” she raised her eyebrow at you. “Okay, fine you got me. What about Natalia?” you tried again. 

“Y/n.”

“Okay, fine. You’re boring.”

“Oh, yeah?” a grin forming on her face. “Am I boring when I do this?” she moved her mouth to your neck, her breath instantly making you shiver but then it turned into a burning feeling once she gently kissed your sensitive skin. 

“You are a bit less boring now,” you tried to suppress a whimper escaping from your mouth. 

“What if I do this?” her hand moved down your shirt to find your breast, you silently thanked god that you weren’t wearing a bra. 

As soon as her hand touched your sensitive nipple a moan escaped from your mouth, but was quickly cut off with Florence’s lips. Her tongue exploring the inside of your mouth, more moans falling from your mouth but muffled by Florence’s lips. Her hands trailing circles and pinching your nipple. 

Once you guys pulled apart to take a breath, she took off your shirt, your whole chest now on display and for her to touch as she wanted. Her right hand went straight to your left breast while her mouth went straight for your right nipple. Her tongue circling it, sometimes even biting it. 

She then moved her lips further down your body, leaving love bites all over your abdomen. Once she reached your shorts, you helped her take them off of you. Panties included. Now you were all hers. She kissed the insides of your tights, getting closer to your core, where you needed her the most. 

“Flo…” you trailed off, not being able to say much, your mind too foggy to think of anything else but her. 

She licked up your slit, earning a moan from you. A grin on her face knowing you were all hers, in that moment and for the rest of your life. She put her mouth and tongue to work, sucking and licking as much as she could. She tasted your wetness on her lips making her aroused. 

“Stop teasing,” you begged her. 

“What do you need, baby?” her hot breath caused goosebumps. Florence knew what you needed —what you wanted. But she needed to hear from you first. Being pregnant made Florence even hornier than when she wasn’t. She blamed it on the hormones. But truth be told, she had always been this horny, but only for you. There was something about you that made her knees go weak everytime she got a glimpse of your body.

“Your fingers,” a whimper escaped from your lips once she bit your core. “I need your fingers, Flo.”

Without wasting another second Florence pushed two fingers inside you, a small cry came out of your mouth. 

“Look at you, taking my fingers so well,” you said before getting her tongue back to work. 

She curled her fingers inside you and stared a small pace, out and in of you, while her tongue attacked your clit. You were a mess under her. Your knuckles were turning white from your thigh grip on the bed sheets, your back arching at her touch, your legs spreading wide open for her to have more access to you. 

She started to thrust her fingers in you faster once she noticed you were close to your realise. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head. Florence moved her head up just a bit so she could see your face. Your lips were apart, moans coming out of them, your brows were furrowed, she enjoyed that view. Especially you moaning out her name over and over again. 

You felt the knot in your stomach tightening, you knew you were about to finish. “Flo…” you whispered.

“Let go, baby,” and as if on cue, you felt the knot disappear, your hand moved to her head, pushing her even closer to you, her tongue making you scream her name. A soft moan escaped from Florence lips while trying to suck all of your juices. 

She guided you while coming out of your high, her fingers slowly moving out of you. She then sucked at her fingers, wanting to get as much of you as she could. You already missed her fingers inside of you. 

“So sweet,” she said tasting you on her fingers. Then lied next to you, kissing your forehead. 

“I love you,” you muttered, already getting sleepy. 

“I love you more,” she replied, covering both of your bodies with the bedsheets. 

[...]

About three months later, you and Florence were doing some gardening when Florence felt her legs get wet. 

“Um, Y/n, I think my water just broke.”

“Oh, shit. Holy fuck. Oh my god is happening, oh my god,” you rushed inside to get the bag you and Florence had packed a few days ago, knowing the baby would come any day. “Holy shit, Flo, we have everything right? Did you…?

“Y/n, calm down. It’s going to be fine,” she squeezed your shoulder.

“I think I’m going to faint, baby,” you eyes rolled back for a second, Florence shaking you body so it would work properly. 

“Don’t you dare pass out on me, Y/n. I’m the one about to pull a baby out of me, okay? Keep it together,” she suppressed the need to slap some sense into you.

[...]

You couldn’t stop looking at her, mesmerised by her entirely. 

You had been waiting for 9 months and now there she was. You thought the greatest day of your life was when Florence told you she was pregnant, but now this was the greatest day of your life. The day that your daughter had been born.

Florence had given birth to your beautiful daughter just an hour ago. Once your ears were filled by her loud crying, tears forming in your eyes as well as in Florence’s. This was the moment the both of you had been waiting for the last 9 months —meeting her. And god, she was perfect. The first thing you recognized in your daughter was Florence’s little nose, you chuckled at the similarity. 

Not only was she healthy but she was breathtaking. You knew all born babies were ugly, that was the rule of life. But it seemed that for some reason the rule didn’t apply to your babygirl. Because she was the most beautiful person you had ever seen, as beautiful and mesmerising as your Florence. You couldn't be more proud of her, for growing this little human inside of her. 

“I love her so much already,” you whispered to Florence, trying not to disturbed the baby in her arms.

“She’s as perfect as you are,” a smile plastered on her face once she looked at you. 

“Oh, come on, those are your genes. Just look at her,” you kissed Florence’s forehead. She giggled at your words. 

“You want to hold her?” she was already giving the tiny human to you. 

Once she was in your arms, you felt completed. Not that anything was missing, but it was as if things should have always been this way. With Florence right by your side. The baby stirred under your hands, getting used to your warmth and touch, but it was af she could tell that it was her mama holding her and stop moving around, falling back into her sleep. You poked her hand with your pinky finger, trying your best to not disturb her but you wanted to touch her, as though you were making sure she was real. You gasped once her tiny hand opened and grabbed your pinky finger. 

Florence was looking at the both of you with watery eyes. She couldn’t believe that her daughter was finally there with her, you holding her close to your chest. She didn’t know she could love someone as much as she loved you, and there it was, right in front of her. She couldn't wait for everyone to meet her. She knew she would be loved by everyone, but loved the most by the two of you. 

“What about Daisy?” you whispered to Florence. 

“Are you sure it’s not a marvel character?” she teased you. 

You looked at her, trying to find an answer, the truth was that it was a marvel character’s name, but you had always loved that name regardless of that.

“I, um…” she chuckled at your missing words. 

“It’s perfect. Little Daisy,” your eyes lit up at her words. 

“Little Daisy,” you repeated, it did sound perfect. 

[...]

Bonus scene (moments before driving Florence to the hospital):

911 operator: 911, what’s your emergency?

Y/n: Yeah, my wife is going into labour *trying to not freak out*

911 operator: Is this her first child?

Florence: DON’T YOU DARE.

Y/n: No, this is her wife.

(I thought this would be funny)

Likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated! <3

-M

[aclaywrites]

How to fall in love via Deneuve Magazine Personal Ads Circa 1993

❖ Go to your mailbox and see that your latest issue of Deneuve magazine has been delivered. It’s in a plain brown envelope, but you still take it all the way inside the house before you open it.

❖ Take a moment to gaze at the cover and appreciate the fact that it’s named after Catherine Deneuve in honor of her sex scene from The Hunger which awakened us all.

❖ Flip past the first few pages of ads. Do I want to fax away for a brochure about the chance to go on a Kenyan photo safari with the world’s first out lesbian commedienne? What about the Olivia Thanksgiving cruise?

❖ Enjoy the Editor’s Column about how our new President Clinton has pledged to make real progress for the LGBT community. Bask in the warm glow of happiness knowing that the gay dark ages are finally coming to a close.

❖ Chuckle at Alison Bechdel’s ad for the Feminist Bookstore Network and wish you had one of those stores near you.

❖ Keep up with the state of the lesbian nation via the letters to the editor. Aren’t the repressive laws being passed in Oregon and Colorado shocking? Goddess bless that Kentucky baby dyke having to dodge the KKK at her high school 🙁

❖ Read the wedding announcements and get all choked up, remembering why you’re here. Resist the urge to flip to the end and see if there’s anyone new from last month. Hope springs eternal!

❖ Oh, the 20th anniversary of Naiad Press! I love their stuff! Especially how all the covers look like they’re printed with ink that was on sale. I wonder if they have any more copies of that Lesbian Queries book from 1990???

❖ Audre Lorde sure is gonna give them hell at the march on Washington, eh?

❖ So many bookstores. So many books.

❖ An article about Safe Sex! Hell yes! Even though lesbians don’t get AIDS because we’re God’s chosen people, this will be fun to read about in theory! “After all, aren’t we told that lesbians and priests are in the lowest risk category?” lol people thought priests weren’t constantly having gay sex. Simpler times.

❖ An interview with Alison Bechdel! She’s so swoony.

❖ Articles about soap operas, speculation about Hilary Clinton, gossip about Madonna and Sandra Bernhard. And what about Whoopi Goldberg? And that Ellen lady? She’s been on Arsenio Hall acting all cagy about the men in her life. A list of women we wish were gay, including Joan Jett? Didn’t she sing Crimson and Clover without changing pronouns like waaaaay back in the 80s

❖ Music reviews: Sweet Honey in the Rock and Alix Dobkin! We’re almost to the ads…

❖ Labrys jewelry, freedom rings. C’mon, let’s get to the good stuff!

❖ Here we go! Classified ads– 30 words for $20! Queer personal finance, we buy used computers, a lesbian resort in New Hampshire.

❖ Personals at last! Is my woman here?

❖ Hey there’s that woman who has an ad every month expressing her ‘complete and sincere respect for’ women in military, fire, police, private security, corrections’. A gay male ad would say ‘Uniform fetish’ but apparently we’re too delicate.

❖ Bisexual boston babe ‘femalely handsome’ looking for someone who’s ‘nice to look at, not a feminist and not a bitch’. Next!

❖ Lonesome in Wyoming, Bisexual Bodybuilder, Softball is over, time to find someone warm for winter, Reubenesque Arkansas Buddhist…

❖ Find a girl who sounds promising– seems interesting and is not too far away. Spend a day or so composing a letter with a pen and piece of paper introducing yourself. If you don’t have a photo of yourself that you like, have a friend take one. Then finish the roll of film and bring it to the Fotomat and wait a day or so and then pick up the prints and hope you like one of them. Choose one anyway, and put it in the envelope with your letter.

❖ Get a stamp, hang it on the mailbox, never hear anything ever again.

❖ One month later, go to your mailbox and see that your copy of Deneuve has arrived.

[the-rainbow-lesbian]

Wondering if you have any thoughts on this. If I am physically capable of being sexually attracted to both males and females, but I am only romantically attracted to women and have zero desire to be with men romantically, or even around men platonically for that matter, would that make me gay or bi? Like I have 0 desire to have sex with any man irl and I’d literally rather stay home all day than be around them in a social setting but I can find them physically attractive, compared to women who I enjoy being with sexually, romantically, and platonically. Just asking bc I never know if I am invading lesbian spaces but idk where to go when I am “functionally” a lesbian ig??? (Sorry, that’s a bad way to phrase it but for lack of a better term of liking women romantically, sexually, and platonically and only having the ability to somewhat find men sexually attractive [although, having no desire to fuck them irl])

these anons are always hard to answer because I don’t know you but if you’re capable of being attracted to men that sounds like bisexuality. does that mean you have to sleep with men? absolutely not! you’re free to do whatever you like. as for invading lesbian spaces, I am wondering if this is a hypothetical or if in your area you have them? cause I don’t have them here or if we do it’s “LGBTQIA women” something which means men are included so I don’t count those. I hope there are groups around you for both lesbians and bi women but I would discourage you from lying about your sexual orientation just to join lesbian only groups. personally I have much more respect for bisexual women who are honest about it but the moment you mislead someone you lose their trust, you know?

[kinnsporsche]

once again an episode that made me absolutely lose my mind!!! kp are so in love and they finally said it!! although, i would have liked it better if they said it to each other in private first but oh well can't have everything. and porsche is officially a stay at home wife i love that for him. the scene when p was drying kinn’s hair though, it was the softest shit i have ever seen in my life <3 i also loved the scenes with taytime they are always so good i wish they had more screen time. 1/4

and we got the kimchay breakup :/ i was expecting it but it still hurt. I still have hope that they will end up together. however, the most important part of this episode (for me) was vegaspete!!! god these two make me go insane. the way we went from sadistic torture to that convo at the end. bible and build's chemistry is actually unbelievable i can't get enough of these sick motherfuckers. and don't even get me started on the cinematography like the lights and the shots and just the whole atmosphere it was so good and so sexy and I’m gonna need 3-5 business days to recover. that preview was the final nail in my coffin i don't think i can wait a whole week for more. I’ve read some metas about them but honestly I don’t even care if vegas changes for pete or not. their relationship is so fucked up on so many levels that I don’t think it can really be redeemed. certainly not in 3 episodes. and honestly does he need to be? can’t he just stay the fucked up villain that he is? I wouldn’t mind. I’m just here to enjoy some toxic fictional men be sexy and gay and so far they did just that so I’m satisfied. I can’t believe we only have 3 episodes left T_T I don’t know what I will do when this show ends. (I hope you’re doing well )

omg my kp anon i've missed u so much!!!!

for me i'd always had a hc that kinn had a hard time saying ily to anybody bcs he'd been burned by love in the past so he hated saying it but this show roundhouse kicked that in the face and left me obliterated at the scene this mf is out here shouting it from rooftops to anybody who'll listen good for him

god you know what sends me absolutely feral? kinn casually mentioning his mother to porsche. her death must still be a sore subject for him, nobody talks about it we've hardly had any mention of her and for him to just be like "my mother used to do this for me" god how long has it been since someone's taken care of him like that? and now here's porsche the biggest caretaker in the world just so ready and willing to do everything he can to take care of kinn bcs thats his love language and he loves him sm i just y'all mind if i break the fuck down real fast

pls the kimchay break up!!!! like kimothy i get why you did what you did but that doesn't mean me and tankhun won't beat your ass for it bestie 😔😔 you made the baby cry. like he's literally alread living at the estate, he can't get anymore involved with the mafia, but i guess kim was literally just faced with the reality of porchay being kidnapped because of his ties to the mafia through his brother, and he's probably thinking about how much worse it'll be if he's tied to the mafia through HIM, he's probably thinking about all their enemies and how much of a target it'd make him so he's being a self-sacrificing little shit about it god tankhun needs to hit him with a tray and knock some sense into him

i haven't been that eager about the vp arc yet, im betting that'll probably change in today's ep and next weeks ep 👀 just wanna see pete humble that man so bad, and i dont want vegas to stop being a bad person just bcs he gets with pete ykwim? he's interesting because he's a villain lets keep it that way besties. i do bet he'll get a redemption arc, i've mentioned this to a few people i talk to but with the way things are going it made me wonder if the big shootout at the major family house in the promo where vegas is framed as a big bad is actually misleading and vegas'll be there to help kinn and the major family and maybe put a bullet in his dad's head i just wish him a very big die even if i will miss the dilf 😔

pls dont mention that we only have 3 episodes left pls dont mention that theres only 2 more weeks of kinnporsche or i'll start to eat glass

[thebarefootcajun]

TWELVE

Allen and Cal slept fitfully. Both guys missed the other.

“If he’d just be honest, I might be able to help him get out of this mess with the women in the red dress and the man driving the army green Chevy pickup truck,” said Allen.

Cal still in bed was feeling the blues. He missed cuddling with Allen out at the farm on the prairie. The Pine Lodge Motel was not a bad place, but he preferred bunking with Allen in the same bed at Allen’s place. That’s where his heart was.

“But how can I tell Allen about my Meggi and the fact that she is blackmailing me? And about the fact that I hid my gayness and married a woman to cover up my shame and guilt from being gay something I have no control over. Being honest is always best,” Cal had these running thoughts in his head.

“This is the stuff soap operas are made of,” he added.

As a diversion this morning he might drive out to see Allen at the farm. He got into his truck and took off. It was a gorgeous sunny day on the South Louisiana Cajun prairie without a cloud in the sky with a perfectly moderately dry coolish temperature, not a typical prairie day with heat and humidity. Cal was keen on seeing Allen soon so he took the most direct route to the farm.

As he approached Allen’s homestead he noticed Allen making some fence in a field behind the house. Cal parked his truck, blew the horn and headed out to meet Allen. As he approached him he could see Allen measuring and cutting barbed wire for the fence.

“Morning, sunshine,” said Cal as he approached Allen.

“Hey, city boy,” cried out Allen, “fancy seeing you out here this morning. You’re up early aren’t you?”

“Yep, I thought I’d get an early start, and I missed seeing you last night. It’s selfish of me to come out this morning, but I just, sort of, needed to see you. Hope that’s okay, Cajun man?” Posing that as a question and waiting for an answer.

Allen answered directly and quickly, “City boy, you don’t need a reason to see me. The fact that you want to see me is reason enough for you to be out here.” He added, “I’ve a thermos of sweet-in-the-pot coffee. I need a break, let’s move under that big oak and have a seat on the grass and have some strong brew.”

The two men sat under the shade of the oak together with two cups of strong coffee not saying a whole lot of anything but hanging out enjoying each other. Two men comfortable with each other can be just fine quietly drinking coffee pressing the mute button.

After awhile Allen said to Cal, “Hey, city boy, everything good with you. You seemed a bit tense last night. Just asking as your friend.”

“Thanks, Allen, yes I was a bit tense until I shared that meal with you last night at the Crapaud Diner; fried chicken and pie can do wonders for lifting the spirits,” said Cal.

“I agree with you, city boy,” said Allen, “but I can’t help wondering if there’s more?” Questioned Allen.

“There is more, Cajun boy, but I’m not ready to share with you just yet,” said Cal. “Give me some more time to unravel some things, okay?”

Allen said, “I care about you, city boy.”

Cal answered adding to Allen’s statement, “I care about you, too, a lot, Cajun boy.”

[fahrni]

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning coffee lovers! Hope you’re ready for some randomness because you’re gonna get some. Cheers! ☕️

Associated Press

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — Thousands of frustrated Texans shivered in homes without power for a second day Thursday, most of them around booming Austin, and fading hopes of a quick fix stirred grim memories of a deadly 2021 blackout after an icy winter storm across the southern U.S.

Poor Texans are, once again, struggling through big cold snap. It’s not surprising though, the GOP run state doesn’t care about people, only profits.

I read something yesterday that rings true: How can you tell when you’re going to have six more weeks of winter? Ted Cruz goes to Mexico.

Folks, stop voting for Republicans. They don’t care about you one little bit.

Ars Technica

HBO’s The Last of Us tries a little tenderness in a surprising episode 3

This was a fantastic episode! We got to see a couple live their best lives under terrible circumstances. I didn’t play the game so I didn’t know Bill was gay but he was already an interesting character up to that point. A prepper with the talent of a gourmet chef and a musician. Being gay was just the cherry on top and his commitment to his partner was heart warming. This episode was a quiet reprieve to what I’d imagine will be non-stop violence to the bitter end.

ESPN

Tom Brady says he is retiring “for good” from football, ending a storied 23-year NFL career during which the star quarterback won seven Super Bowls and set numerous records.

Tom, Tom, Tom. I have a horrible feeling Mr. Brady returned to football because his wife broke the news to him that she wanted a divorce not long after he retired. Football was the distraction he needed to get through it. Now the divorce is final, he’s suffered that initial pain, and it’s time to move on.

I’m so sorry you had to go through that Tom. Divorce is nothing but pain for all involved. I hope you have a beautiful life. You are football’s GOAT.

NetNewsWire

Because of Twitter’s announcement that free access to the Twitter API will end February 9, we will be removing Twitter integration from NetNewsWire in the next release (6.1.1) for Mac and iOS.

Space Karen strikes again! This time he’s hitting anyone whow uses the Twitter API. He’s tightening up while over on Mastodon things remain completely open for business! Following folks on Mastodon from your favorite feed read is so easy you don’t need a special plug-in to do it! It supports RSS right out of the box. Easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Also, who wants this domain? It would be great for a Space Karen watch site, like Twitter is going great.

Jeffrey Zeldman

Before the present owner, I was a Twitter Blue customer, because I always pay for software—to support its creators and help prevent it from disappearing, as so many great websites and platforms have done over the years.

Jeffrey Zeldman is an American treasure and web hero. I’ve enjoyed reading him for years and years now. This time Jeffrey shares his adventure of trying to give Twitter money. Their payment system failed. Doesn’t surprise me.

America, America

The authoritarian strongman types want us to believe in their power. They may even want us to think that their power is divinely influenced, a sign that they’re not like the rest of us, but better. Look no further than the surreal video released just weeks before the Florida gubernatorial election, complete with Voice of God-style narration and mad text about how Ron DeSantis is the fulfillment of God’s plan for a protector and a fighter.

I’m sure Florida has it’s share of wonderful people but why would you choose to live there? DeSantis is a true authoritarian scared of America’s future without bullies like him. Future America will happen. You may slow it down but it will happen. I hope to one day have a liberal society built on love and compassions for our fellow man, not some nasty place full of scared, old, white men grasping for every little bit of power they can. It’ll happen. May just be after I’m going. Here’s hoping it happens before then.

eFinancialCareers

The real problem is that C++ is neither easy nor loved. Rust got an 87% approval rate in the “most loved” category of the Stack Overflow Survey. However, only 9.3% of respondents used Rust at all and only 8.8% did so professionally. C++, meanwhile, languished at 48%.

Look, I don’t want to work on some web3 thing either. Why would I use my talents as a C++ developer to work on a thing I don’t care for? Sure, you could offer me tons of cash and it would be tempting but ultimately I’d be bored to death.

I’ve worked on award winning Windows Applications and highly performant video encoding and decoding systems. I can’t see working on trading systems. Nope, nope, nope.

NBC News

The U.S. military has been monitoring a suspected Chinese surveillance balloon that has been hovering over the northern U.S. for the past few days, and military and defense leaders have discussed shooting it out of the sky, according to two U.S. officials and a senior defense official.

This is really strange to me. We should bring it down, but in a controlled way if at all possible. It would be fascinating to examine what the onboard package contains.

Who knows, maybe it’s full of radioactive material in hopes we will shoot it down. That would be our luck. 😂

Yahoo!

WESTLAKE, Ohio, January 30, 2023–(BUSINESS WIRE)–TravelCenters of America Inc. (Nasdaq: TA), the nation’s largest publicly-traded full-service travel center network, announced today an agreement with Electrify America to offer electric vehicle charging at select TA/Petro locations with the first stations planned to be deployed in 2023. Electrify America is the largest open direct current fast-charging network in the U.S.

This is excellent! There are so many nice electric vehicles on the market today so setting up a massive charging network makes sense.

The old time car companies have caught up to Space Karen’s car company and in many ways surpassed it. Good. We need the competition.

[libidomechanica]

She had eyes a task fulfilld the merry

Coming of you’re a glass turn’d ours, which and Julia     half the terms divining several men, pillars that, in such an old; but mood, At her     are deuced him who wounded escape of high, poor found then she hand. It’s got doubt if she     will be it live. Too oft the base

expedient gain the Fates; and change! For this is neither     Splendidis love thing the blunders handsome, as on the field died, his twitter those rose!     Why do not when Julia was—yet I knows, when all those a beggar before, let the whirlwind’s     heare. Had adorn’d my honor, because

turn round. Ought, and cups, and the twins. That we just     not with trample—t were at that liuing monarchs fight. Fate, with my own or now that’s first vaine,     both weak words-long I love touching forth thy face, let few light. She had eyes a task fulfill’d     the merry should be time, a double

perfectly as a wretch, where his fact, however     in was forth of complain and of some next deceit, for they and the day a few how the     stand. Her hand to a slice slain, the for give. Clasp it rain, and blow hair: and what hope hope hope     has o’er empty dreams; my eyes is are

so by thing to augur good turn’d here woo: take my     heaven might than this worst’s blood gods she fishery and in such a pernicious, thought and     should be no great which make up to have grass; We turn aware, I know so your here young     philosopher was left on their tread my

soul. Let my loved spake, Clarence. Who conscience: then the     made there she, in five or two, beautie buried to every wrists his; she man should weary of     the want stand the rock, and of somethinkes you made the sod. And write to makes us     cannot try you a confused up. When

and of their maiden posterics, to beg his eyes     dead with moss sorrowest. Poets and should blisse, vnseene, vnheard to a rope. Where new-appeare, laid     belly is me! Wedded to her? Her a mist; so sweet post—to be as genuine sets     do we are sleep. Yields, until you look

or most find mellow-greener; and cased; or want     your call how, or other they pass, as well in a clattered speech a thirst exactly     more singiness and pebbles of clothes. To be so dumb phone. With his know we soul made the     his creatures which came all our regular

shone beam he wonder feet how your consequench’d     every one worlds better that, hands in the spotted in times which the would still the winter     rude! They couple and fyrie furies with you cannot dead like to silent; and take core; for     you the oldest, mature a touch’d in

silks were trait increases, then, yet remaynes but     a cloud heads sun, and the voice the windowy network hardly he thing, with the little     way, afternoonster’s hand, say, full soul conversal souls enjoy, Adieu! Winter a     panoramic view, the braw lass made by

on the best eyes, and if we make blue, and claws scuttling     out by violence; no Indeed divine, the Mythologies new light liness ocean,     the unflattering no symptom e’er it is could I been would narrating of any     dart that in it gotten your arms.

The chace from his eyes—to look upon thither. ’Tis     heard strife; t is no way. Then Lady’s novels, muslin, all part than the heart, roses, and     set up with the left with him not my brooke as if she dead, that them now soft&live a wounder.     No more the sky, or winter nothing

in a kibitka he red-breasts the dawn your     exit and gay. Dye would be broughts of they behest plains with Fortune is den of flatter’d     all the vital peoples—go on was Ambition. I am black down men of then take     a volume as the best and him: what

we just throw, there we’ve ruin’d to person’s the grass youth     with but purer went, didonis desolate at my native was somehow me with grief     her your beauteous say, afar these discover. Their clammy cells. How many, making fleece     in tress might himself would not be more

great can you well of his portant to blames which she     had nothing crag, I call make no other sweet odour heard envy, hate and Lord Mount the     stalk of yonder female hath much ugliest sightly moral carefull tell you are     gone: my mistress sweetest mantle far

mounted liking bright limbs whole, o do it, and you     and if so braveries of my night, so rich, what is, the melted, that creep our own hands,     and grieved is. Be destroyd! And gone, wishing, doth plays, oh, never and who was mother rought     in case: and into call rigmarole.

And bishops at mention, and what I must god     of fire for dim dreade them lying shake you see what sweet before to govern of they tame;     and you sea dashes on on you lent’s six-thirty feet and the day and tolerable     thou great spouse of there, but all. You art!

[salemwritesxx]

𝓯𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾.

𝕋 𝕒 𝕜 𝕒 𝕞 𝕚  𝕂 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕠  |  ℍ 𝕒 𝕨 𝕜 𝕤

     ⇴ male reader [22, chubby, 194cm]      ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↳ summary: [Your.name] is a chubby and tall man, someone who definitely didn’t fit Japan’s beauty standards. Safe to say, he wasn’t the most confident. However, during one group date, it finally all changes when he meets someone who is certainly very interested in him.

↣ rating: general audiences ↣ warnings: modern AU; self-deprecation; chubby, tall reader; reader’s “friends” being assholes to chubby reader; hawks and reader have a happy end tho; hawks is a simp for reader from the first minute on, ok?

part 2.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

“Come with us, they said. It will be fun, they said.”, you mumbled to yourself as you stood there. Awkward. Alone. Ignored. Too afraid the tiny bar stools would collapse underneath your big ass, hence why you chose to rather stand than sit.

Why did you let yourself get dragged into this group date? You wanted to say no in the beginning, but with your friends pestering you, you kind of agreed in the end. Though now, you knew all too well why you didn’t want to come.

As a chubby and very tall man, you weren’t the type that people, or rather, gay men, drooled over. At least you hadn’t had anyone show interest in you like that. Maybe it was because you were rather shy and thus not as loud as many of your fellow male friends, or you were the “wrong chubby”. Whatever it was, you were not attractive. Society made sure to tell you that at least once a day and sometimes those nice and kind people, not, were even going out of their way to tell you what a nuisance your were with your tall, fat ass taking up space. And in Japan, where everything was not really built to accommodate people like you, it was sometimes very hard to fit into things.

While you were sighing to yourself for the nth time and making sure to put yourself down as much as you could, you certainly didn’t realize how someone was always glancing at you. Hawks was one of the four gay men you and your friends had met today for said group date. Ever since he saw you, he had the urge to talk to you and get to know you. You were so tall and handsome and t h i c k. You could probably swing him around and break him like a toothpick. Just thinking about it made him grin.

However, it almost seemed like you had a shield around you he just couldn’t break through. He could guess why. Not only once had he seen people bullying the ones that didn’t fit the norm. Too fat, too skinny, too small, too tall – there was no end. People always found reasons to put others down. With how you stood there all alone, trying to make yourself as small as possible, Kei understood you tried to hide and you were uncomfortable. Even though you literally had nothing to hide. God, he wished he had met you sooner.

“Oiii Ta-ka-mi-san!”, his thoughts were rudely interrupted.

“What are you staring at Takami-san?”, then one of your friends, who was obviously interested in him, looked in the direction as well.

“Ah. [Your.name], huh? He’s like a car accident, right? You don’t wanna look but you also can’t really look away.”, your ‘friend’ laughed and Kei could have not been more disgusted by that behavior.

“God I wish I could just punch you, you fucking idiot!”, Keigo thought, furious and having to gulp down the anger.

Thus, he just smiled a little before he silently stood up to walk over to you, ignoring the calling of your ‘friend’. Instead, he got all nervous all of a sudden. Normally, he was the one being confessed to, not the one confessing or even initiating a conversation. Takami was used to people fawning over him, he was a rather successful model after all, hence why it was so hard to find someone who wasn’t just interested in him sexually or because of his money. And it did not help one bit that he found you so unbelievably attractive as well, his nervousness was at its peak.

“Hey. You’re… [Your.name], right?”, he tried to sound very casual as he leaned against the bar beside you. AND MY GOD, he was so tiny compared to you. He loved it. The way he had to look up so much.

You were rather surprised to get attention, especially from someone like Hawks. Like, he was so out of your league it was ridiculous to even think he would even BREATH besides you – yet there he was. Talking to you-

Oh. You knew what he wanted.

“Okay, look, let’s just skip all that polite small talk, the little laughs so we don’t feel awkward before you drop the question. Just tell me, which number do you want? Or should I just give you all three?”, you immediately cut to the chase. It had never been any different, so why would it be today? Especially when someone so sexy and pretty talked to you? Obviously he wanted someone from your much more handsome and well-trained friends.

Hawks was, however, rather surprised that THIS was your initial reaction to him talking to you. Though he could have not known how hard it would truly be to get to know you or get your number.

“Uhm… To be honest, your number alone would be quite sufficient.”, Keigo played it smooth. A handsome smile on his lips covered up his own nervousness – was he about to get rejected?

For a few seconds you stared at him, completely flabbergasted. Then you turned around and looked around… and looked around… and looked around some more until he finally asked, “Everything okay? You looking for an escape route?”

Keigo chuckled at the end, though he was not as calm as he pretended to be.

“No, I just…”, you then turned to him again, your brows furrowed, “… You can stop now, you know? Like, are you trying to prank me or…? Cameras anywhere? Like haha we got the fat guy. Look at him getting all flustered finally getting attention. Hahaha funny.”

At the end, you almost sounded a little angry, before you grabbed your drink and walked away from the bar. Saying Hawks was confused was an understatement. He just watched you for a moment as you walked away and squeezed into a lonely corner. God… How many people must have put you down for you to think he was pranking you?

“This is going to be more difficult than I thought.”

Running his hand through his hair, Kei had to calm down for a moment and reevaluate. Did you reject him because you genuinely weren’t interest or because you were self-conscious? Probably the latter. So… should he try again? Fuck yeah. As if he was going to give up so easily. He just needed you to know he really wasn’t pranking you, the rest… was up to Future-Keigo.

Clearing his throat and taking his drink, he then walked over to your corner. Standing in front of you he was so  s m o l. It would probably feel great hugging you.

“Okay that was rough. Listen, I really don’t wanna prank you or anything. Just… get to know you… ya know?”, this time he genuinely smiled a little, hoping you wouldn’t just reject him again.

Raising one brow, you were still rather suspicious. AS IF someone like Keigo would want to get to know you. Something was not right, you could feel it in every fiber of your big, chubby body. Then again.. maybe the only thing that you felt was the insecurities that held you back from getting to know someone who might genuinely be interested in you.

So, you gave yourself a little push.

“Yeah… I guess… I’m not really used to…. You know, how about we just start over?”

Keigo thought he had finally cracked you, giving himself a mental high five for being persistent. Thus, with a small smile he nodded and reached out his hand.

“Sure, nice to meet you, I’m Takami Keigo.”

“I’m [Your.name], nice to meet you.”, you finally smiled a little as well. Oof, his heart just jumped. Why was he so smitten already? He literally just met you. Keigo definitely wanted to get to know you more.

“So, how about we go take a seat over there? I could do with another drink.”, he said while pointing in the direction of a free table.

For a moment, you hesitated, though after a few seconds, you nodded, “Yeah, sounds nice.”

-

Without realizing it, hours went by as you and Hawks sometimes were the loudest ones laughing. Your friends just glancing over every so often, obviously jealous you had gotten the most handsome men of all of them today. But for the first time, you didn’t care what other’s thought as you and Kei just had … a connection.

Hence why, when he glanced down to his watch and sighed, you felt a little sad.

“I wish this night wouldn’t end. But I have a model job tomorrow and I only was a backup for someone so I didn’t even intend to have so much fun today. Time sure flies with you, [Your.name].”, he gave you one of his best smiles that made your throat dry and your knees weak.

“I… really enjoyed myself, too. Thank you. And sorry for acting like that in the beginning.”, you smiled apologetically and a little flustered. He found it very endearing.

“That’s fine, don’t worry about it. Well…”, he then looked at his phone and stood up, “It’s 2 a.m. definitely missed the last train. I’m gonna make a quick call for a taxi.”

“Hm.”, you nodded and watched for a second as he went outside where it was a little quieter to call.

Looking between Hawks and your friends who were still partying with Keigo’s friend group, you wondered if you should bring him home. You were the driver, but… how often had your friends disappeared with someone without telling you? How often did you leave a party all by yourself? It was time to be a little selfish today.

So, you hastily stood up and walked outside the bar, watching as Keigo typed on his phone, ready to call.

“Uhm, Takami-san?”, you interrupted him.

“Hm?”, he was a little surprised.

“If you want.. I can drive you home. I brought my own car since I was planning on leaving earlier too and I only drank one cocktail right in the beginning and the rest was alcohol free stuff so… if you want?”, your voice became a little smaller by the end, not knowing if you were too eager. Was this okay?

“Really? That’s not a problem?”

“No! Not at all.”, you reassured him.

“That’s great! I only live like 20 minutes away if we take the car. Ahhh, you’re a life saver, [Your.name]! Thank you.”, Keigo beamed.

And so, you hopped into your car, the only place big enough for you, at least that’s what it felt like since you invested in a nice big one. Keigo was quite cute how he sat there in the big seat, being so small.

The drive to Hawks’ home was also filled with chatter and laughter, once again reassuring you both that you definitely had some sort of connection. And since he had been attracted to you before, it only gave him more reasons that he wanted to meet you again. Man… this could be the first time a group date turned out successfully – for the both of you!

When you parked in front of his apartment complex, Takami didn’t even want to go yet. Wishing that time would just stop, he sat there for a few seconds before turning to you.

“Thank you, [Your.name].”

“No problem, really!”

“You know, if it wasn’t that late I would have invited you to a coffee or another drink or something but alas…”

“It’s quite late…”, you almost said a little… saddened?

“Hm… It is… I’ll call you!” Hawks then said with a little bit of a grin, since you had exchanged phone numbers before.

“O-Okay.”, you didn’t know why you stuttered, it was just… really new.

“Oh, but you can call me too, yeah? Don’t be shy. Well, anyways.”, he jumped out of the car, turned one last time to grin at you, his golden eyes sparkling a little, making you even more flustered.

“Have a safe drive home and have a good night, [Your.name]!”

“Ah, you too, Takami-san!”

Then, you just watched as he walked up to his apartment complex. You didn’t know what suddenly got into you when you opened the door and jumped out, calling for him.

“Takami-san?!”, it was literally two in the morning, his poor neighbors.

Though Hawks immediately turned his head.

“I… really, really enjoyed myself today. Just… thank you.”

Oh my God, you were so cute. Such a gentle giant teddy bear, that’s what you were. Without thinking about it, Keigo rushed back, catching you a little off guard when he walked around the car.

“You know, I might be a little drunk, but fucking God – I want to kiss you SO. BAD. right now.”, Kei said without hold back. His golden eyes gleaming in the dark and his cheeks flushed, you didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol or if he was blushing.

You, on the other hand, were very flustered, yet you barely whispered, “Maybe you should…”

Which only made Hawks giggle and raise his arms. An almost… seductive grin on his lips.

“Then you should help me out a little here, Handsome!”

Was he a bit drunk? Possibly. Was he overly flirtatious because he truly liked your personality and found you attractive and DEFINITELY wanted to meet you again?... Probably. But someone as straight-forward as Hawks was exactly who you needed because of your tendencies to overthink everything. Especially when it came to your weight and thus attractiveness. (Even though the one didn’t have anything to do with the other though not when it came to society.)  

And so, you accommodated him by leaning down. Takami himself standing on his tiptoes, thus, after he had hoped all night long, his lips finally met yours. His small arms wrapped around your big, broad shoulders and your big hand was placed on his lower back. That’s what he had wanted. And it really happened. To say Keigo was quite euphoric was an understatement. He was ecstatic, overjoyed, jubilant and so much more – and that from a little kiss. He surely fell quick and hard. Something he had never experienced before.

After a few moments of pure delight, you were the first to pull back, just to watch Kei bite his lip in such a sexy way it took all of your control to not grab him and pin him onto your car’s hood.

“Thank you.”, he just whispered, still with that grin on his lips, “I really enjoyed myself, too.”

Then, he let go and you did as well, this time really just watching when he turned around and walked into the apartment complex with one last wave. So you got back into your car as well, the last minutes replaying in your head over and over again.

With your hand covering your face, you had to hide your stupid, big grin. If all of that was just a dream, you didn’t want to wake up. Someone found YOU attractive. You had deemed yourself the most unattractive, undatable guy and that only because society had always told you that. But he didn’t care. He liked your “undatable, unattractive” body just the way it was. And not only that, after a rough start, you got along so well. You loved his little laughs, his beautiful eyes and those soft lips-

“God I have never felt like that before, what the fuuuck??”, you mumbled to yourself, still in disbelief that night even happened.

But as you drove away, you heard a little noise that came from your phone and as you looked up, you quickly scanned the text before looking back onto the streets – a wide smirk spreading across your face.

The message read.

“txet me wehn yruoe home so i konw yuore hmoe safe!”

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: let’s appreciate all shapes and sizes. being a short and rather stumpy man myself, ive been struggling a little with how i view myself ever since my relationship ended. ive been casually looking on apps but i think I am not ready for another relationship yet since my last one was rather messy. anyways. I know you shouldn’t rely on others to feel validated and loved but loving yourself is hard, bro so… yeah, its nice being desired for once, no? also this kinda makes me wanna write a part two but eh we’ll see!

part 2.

[idy-ll-ique]

Sweet Little Love.

Pairing: Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Lil Angst

Warnings: brief mention of violence

Requested: nope

Summary: The Y/L/Ns are a well-off family in New York, and are good friends with Sam Wilson. One day Y/N is threatened by a stalker and needs a bodyguard, so Sam suggests Bucky. Bucky doesn't want to do it; the last thing he wants is to deal with a spoiled, bratty rich girl for a whole month. The only thing is, Bucky has terribly misjudged her and now he can't help falling in love with her.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! the last scene is just a small bonus crack!scene sjsjsjs lmao, enjoy!

---

If there was one type of person Bucky liked, it was someone who was kind, polite, helpful and caring… and Bucky knew the person he was going to work for was going to be none of those things. "Sam, come on, man, I don't want to do this," Bucky groaned as he followed his best friend down the street. "I already promised, Bucky."

"Why did you?! I don't want to spend my whole day around spoiled little brats, they're the worst!" Bucky threw his hands up in surrender. "Okay, number one: You have to look after only one person and number two: Why don't you just meet her once? Then you can decide for yourself, how about that?"

Bucky had been hired by one of Sam's friends, Mr Y/L/N, as a bodyguard for his daughter. He didn't know the daughter at all; but the one thing he was sure about was that she was going to be a pain in the ass for him, like in every single movie about rich girls and bodyguards. Mouthy, petty, sassy, rude…

He was in no mood to deal with someone like that.

Ms Y/L/N, he assumed, had been sent some threats over a week ago by a stalker and so the poor father was worried sick as he frantically searched for bodyguards. Sam was also informed and before he knew it, James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes was hired. To be honest, the Y/L/Ns were paying a lot so… since he had given up Avenging, the income would be great.

Plus, she only needed protection for around a month or so. Speaking of the daughter, how old was she even going to be? Maybe a child below 10? A rebellious teenager? Who knows? "Alright, stop here. She's supposed to be here somewhere, let me call Y/L/N." Bucky huffed and looked around the crowded streets as Sam contacted the father.

That's when his eyes landed on a lady. She was beautiful; wearing what looked like a tennis skirt and a university hoodie, along with sneakers. Her hair was pulled into a braid and she had a bright smile on her face. Bucky blinked twice and watched. Her body or clothes didn't catch his attention, but her actions sure did.

She was chatting with another, older woman who had coffee spilled all over her white tee. The young lady was holding a baby in her arms, bouncing the sweet child as the older woman hurriedly tried to clean her clothes. Through his super-soldier hearing, he caught their conversation. "I'm so sorry to bother you like this," the woman sighed.

"It's okay, ma'am, you are not a bother. You were clearly in need of help and you know how New York is…" Both women giggled. The older woman soon left with her child but the young lady continued standing there, looking around, as if waiting for someone. Probably a boyfriend, Bucky thought.

"Why is he not picking up?!"

Bucky rolled his eyes at Sam before looking over at the pretty lady again, who had started bouncing back and forth on her heels, glancing everywhere. That's when a loud wail echoed above the already busy street. The lady's eyes snapped towards the voice before she took off running towards a little boy who had tripped over.

The little kid was blond and scrawny, reminding Bucky of a little Steve. He smiled fondly at the memory. "Are you hurt, bubba?" Y/N asked the kid adoringly as she helped him stand. The boy's lower lip wobbled as he tried to hold his tears in but was unsuccessful. "Aw, come here…" Bucky gulped when the lady got on her knees and hugged the child.

She's so kind.

The kid hugged back just as eagerly, sobbing into her shoulder. Soon, two adults approached her; a gay couple, the parents of the kid. They, too, watched with appreciation as the lady easily calmed the kid down with her soothing presence. An involuntary smile bloomed on Bucky's face; if he was in that kid's position, he'd have stopped crying too. The lady was wonderful.

"Thank you so much, honey," one of the men grinned when the lady stood up, dusting her knees and giving the kid a smile. "Oh, it's not a problem! You know what?" She dug around in her purse and pulled out a lollipop. "I always have some on me. I'm a big fan. You?" The boy giggled and eagerly accepted the candy.

"Steve, what do you say?"

Bucky almost laughed. The kid's name was also Steve? Amazing! "Thank you!" Steve exclaimed with a bright smile, making the lady laugh. "No problem! Have a good day!" She waved at the family of three before returning to her original place, standing outside a café. Bucky was enamored at this point.

"Any luck?" he drawled, glancing at Sam who shook his head. "That dick," he grumbled under his breath and Bucky grinned, getting back to watching the pretty lady but she was nowhere to be found. He looked around until he saw her crossing the road, an old man holding her arm with one hand as the other held his walking cane.

She was on his side of the street now, just a few feet away from him. "You are an angel, darling," the old man crooned as he patted her cheek, letting go of her arm once he was safely on the other side. An angel indeed, Bucky smiled to himself. "Oh, sir, I try…" she spoke bashfully, turning in his direction as the man left.

Bucky quickly averted his gaze, he didn't want to look like a creep. "Sam? Sam, is that you? Wilson!" Bucky froze at the lady's voice, her footsteps nearing the place where he and Sam were standing. Wait, is that...? Sam looked away from his phone, eyes lighting up as they landed on the lady. "Y/N? When did you arrive?" Bucky watched as they hugged.

"Been here for a long time, dad said you were going to introduce me to my bodyguard today. He's a good friend of yours, right?" Sam turned and motioned towards Bucky. He stepped forward. "Hi, I'm James Barnes," he introduced himself, holding his hand out. He couldn't believe he had called this angel a spoiled, rich brat.

I'm never gonna forgive myself.

"James, nice to meet you! I'm Y/N Y/L/N. Thanks for doing this, I'm probably going to be a burden—" He immediately shook his head. "Oh, no no no, don't say that! I can tell we're going to be good friends." He winked and she couldn't help but giggle. Bucky didn't even correct her on the name, something about the way she said it made a shiver run down his spine.

"Well, um, do we start now, or…?"

"Your choice," he interrupted, hands shoved in the pockets of his coat as he stared at her, heart swelling with affection. "I already feel safe," she half-joked, "Start now. I have a few places to go to…" He was ready to follow her to Hell and back. "Of course." Both of them turned to Sam, who had a knowing smirk on his face.

If it were anyone else Bucky would've given him his infamous glare but Y/N? He was hoping for a connection. "You two enjoy your date— I mean, day. Anyway, what's up with your dad, girl, he's not picking up my calls." Bucky rolled his eyes at the slip up. "He's not? Maybe he's in a meeting. If you want you can go visit."

"Gonna do just that, tell him that his precious little daughter is in safe hands." Y/N looked at Bucky with a huge smile. "No doubt about that! It's getting late, I'll see you later!" Y/N started walking away and Bucky immediately followed with a nod towards Sam. "Hey, um, I saw you, you know?" he blurted out.

"Saw me? Doing what?" Y/N blinked. "You helping the lady with the child, the kid who tripped over— Steve, his name was? And the old man you helped cross the street. I just wanna say that was amazing. You're a great person, Y/N, I'm honored to be your bodyguard." She gasped softly and looked away, chewing her bottom lip as she grinned, cheeks heating up.

"Oh, um, it's just— I like to help people. It's how my parents raised me. Yeah, we might be rich but I'm not spoiled. Lots of people think that when I tell them I'm Mr Y/L/N's daughter. It hurts sometimes, you know? People just assume anything about you without even knowing you. That's why I try to be good. I don't want to be a bad person," she rushed out, unconsciously voicing all her insecurities.

Bucky's heart sank in his chest as he let out a dry chuckle. "Ugh, just saying this is gonna make me throw up but I assumed that too. I thought I was gonna work with a spoiled, rich brat. I was horribly, horribly wrong, I hope you can forgive me, doll." She turned to him, but she wasn't mad in the slightest. She even started getting a tiny crush on him, I mean, hey, the man is eye-candy. "It's fine! I forgive you, you didn't know."

"No, it's not fine. I shouldn't have made assumptions, I feel like the biggest ass in the world," he scoffed, looking away from her. "James, please, it's okay. You know now, right? Don't feel bad! Why don't we stop for a coffee on the way?" How could he say no to that?

---

2 weeks passed. Y/N and Bucky became incredibly close friends; Bucky went as far as revealing the truth about himself, how he used to be an Avenger, how he lost his arm, everything. What he didn't expect was her to cry at his story. "You did not deserve to go through that, they did you so dirty…" she sniffled and he hugged her like his life depended on it. It kinda did.

God, if he didn't fall in love the first time they met, he was definitely in love now. "Doll, I'm here now, aren't I? All good— well, maybe not all good." And his face broke into the biggest grin ever when he heard a chuckle from her. "I'm glad you're here." Just those 4 words and Bucky vowed that he was never gonna let her go.

"I'm getting coffee, you wait here. Don't go anywhere else."

"Aye aye, Captain!" Y/N laughed and he smiled back as he entered the café. Y/N stood outside, typing away on her phone when someone suddenly grabbed her by the back of her neck, pulling her into the alley next to the café. She couldn't even scream, breathing was difficult with his hand around her neck.

"We finally meet, sweetheart." Oh, God, it was him. The stalker. Y/N whimpered, struggling to get out of his arms but he only tightened his hold on her. Bucky, Bucky please— Over time, Y/N had grown fond of Bucky. He still asked her to call him James, he said it felt good when she called him that. So she did.

He was so protective of her, almost like she was his girlfriend. He was also handsome; incredibly so, with his stormy blue eyes, his tall and broad figure and razor sharp jaw. His first priority was always her and it made her warm inside. She'd decided to ask him out at the end of the month, but it was looking a bit difficult now.

"Your bodyguard not with you today? What happened, lover's quarrel?" the man smirked tauntingly as Y/N's vision blurred due to lack of oxygen. She blinked back tears, crying again when he tightened his hold on her neck. "Scream all you want, sweetheart, no one's gonna hear it," he laughed.

"Try me."

The man's head whipped to the side only for Bucky's metal fist to connect with his jaw. He fell to the ground with a thud, unconscious at the first punch. Y/N slid down to her knees. Her hands went to her neck, coughing and dry heaving. "Doll? Doll, come here." Bucky felt immense guilt as he gathered her in his arms, carrying her bridal style towards his car.

He left her alone. That was the one thing he wasn't supposed to do. "James…" Y/N wheezed, curling closer to him when he tried to put her in the backseat. "Doll, you have to get in," he insisted but she shook her head. "Not without you. Please." Bucky sighed and got into the backseat, holding Y/N against his chest.

She was pretty shaken up. "I'm so sorry, Y/N." He felt himself tearing up. "No… not your fault… you… coffee… I wasn't… phone…" Bucky handed her a bottle of water when she wheezed again. "Drink up, baby," he whispered as he held the bottle to her lips because she refused to let go of his sweater. After drinking some water her throat felt better.

"Don't go, please, I need you," she sobbed as she completely curled against him, wetting his sweater as she cried in his arms. "You will always have me, doll. I'm not going anywhere. Not again," he assured her as he rubbed her back, wiping his own tears away. All of a sudden, she pulled away and pressed her lips to his. "I love you."

He pulled her in for another kiss, fireworks exploding in his head at the confession. Only two weeks had passed but they were both sure about their feelings. "I love you too, doll. You're mine now, only mine," he groaned against her lips. "Only yours," she agreed, burying her face back in his shoulder as he pulled her impossibly close.

"You're not getting out of my sight ever again."

And he kept his promise.

---

"And then I— where do you think you're going?" Sam blinked as Bucky abruptly stood up, eyes trained on his wife. She gave him a smile and walked out of the room, Bucky following her out like a puppy. "To the bathroom, Sam!" Y/N called out behind her and Sam turned to the parents, blinking in confusion as they roared with laughter.

"Why does she need him there?" Sam asked "Oh, haven't you heard? Bucky hasn't broken the promise he gave Y/N 6 years ago," Mrs Y/L/N explained vaguely. "What promise?" Mr Y/L/N laughed once more. "He told her she was never getting out of sight after the incident. And well…" Y/N and Bucky returned at the exact time as Sam made a face.

"Don't you get tired of him?" Sam groaned as Bucky sat down, pulling his wife on his lap. "Oh no no, it helps that she's as much in love with him as he is with her. They do not get tired of each other," Mrs Y/L/N shook her head with a fond smile. "It helps that he's handsome and aesthetically pleasing to look at," Y/N crooned, squishing her husband's cheeks as he laughed and swatted her hands away.

"Even in the bathroom?!"

"He stands outside as a guard," she shrugged. "Damn. Y'all are weird," Sam muttered, barely catching the book Bucky threw towards him. "Not weird. Just looking out for her, like I promised," he muttered, cheeks flushing. "You do know that the threat was 6 years ago, right? Six!" Sam threw his hands up.

"What if there's a new one?" Bucky countered exasperatedly. Sam only shook his head at the couple before a smile broke out on his face. "I've never seen a couple so in love. You two are cute," he commented as laughter filled the room. No more threats, no more danger.

Just a sweet little family and their sweet little love.

---

A/N: Leave a like if you enjoyed! Thanks for reading!

[9tzuyu]

who you are

note: mostly made this for my own comfort, but i do hope it helps and/or comforts any fellow lesbians :]. i normally wouldn’t specify sexualities on any characters because obviously everyones going to feel differently about different characters, but like i said this started off for my own comfort bcs i was hashtag goin through it.

prompt: basically just reader struggling to accept themselves as a lesbian. sorry non lesbians :(

warnings: heavy heavy heavy on internalized lesbophobia. talks about comphet (trying to force oneself to like men) and wanting to be ‘normal’

thank u ally for proofreading <3

not tagging anyone just because i don’t want to trigger :[

. . .

you were wrestling with something, natasha could tell that much. your eyebrows were drawn together, eyes lost in a gaze. it wasn’t until the third time tony called your name when you snapped out of it.

“sorry,” you mumbled.

“well are you going to answer the question?”

natasha noted the tapping of your foot, knuckles cracking beneath the table. it was obvious you weren’t in the right state of mind to be answering any kind of question. foolishly, no one else picked up on that except for the redhead.

“what was the question?”

tony sighed, his patience growing thinner by the second.

“i asked if your report was done. it was supposed to be handed in three days ago, remember?”

your foot tapped faster.

“yeah- yeah, i’m almost finished.”

it wasn’t like you to be so late on things like this, you were usually on top of everything.

“you told me you would have it ready by today. this is the fourth time this month that you’ve done this. you’re dragging your ass and the rest of us are getting pretty tired of it.” a collective agreement could be heard from the team. all eyes were on you waiting for a reply.

if you hadn’t felt anxious before, you most definitely did now.

“it won’t happen again.” tony blew off your statement and rolled his eyes. you shifted uncomfortably, nauseous from all the negative attention.

you couldn’t help but wonder if they knew. maybe that’s why they were being so short. it made sense after all.

natasha tried making her way towards you, but she was stopped by steve’s hand on her shoulder. you were well past gone by the time she managed to scramble away from him.

your back pressed flatly against the wall, tears steadily falling down your face. hatred was all you felt. hatred towards yourself. 

why couldn’t you be like the rest of them? why didn’t you belong? 

whywhywhywhywhywhy

granted, you knew there was absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. that was never the issue. the issue was the fact that it was yourself, that there was no possibility for you to ever be attracted to men. 

you were sure it would be a phase, that it would pass, that you would forget about it and never think about it again. you tried to go on dates, tried to form a relationship, tried to enjoy having sex with them. none of it worked, no matter how much you forced yourself to believe it would. 

all you could think about was how sick and disgusting you felt. and the shit representation didn’t help your case at all. the media hardly ever portrayed a good, well-rounded lesbian character that wasn’t problematic, over-sexualized or dead. 

the media only reiterated the fact that you were supposed to want men. you were supposed to find the right guy and fall in love with him, call him your husband and start a family. 

a knock on your door pulled you away from your thoughts. you shuffled your way back to your feet, drying your eyes for good measurement. 

natasha stood patiently, eyes drilled on your doorknob. if it were up to her she’d be picking your lock, but she knew that would be crossing a boundary. she went to knock again when your door swung open. 

“hi nat.”

“hey,” her voice was soft. “you’ve been crying...” she pressed her hand against your face, thumb rubbing the top of your cheekbone. 

you shrugged. it wasn’t like you could deny her, your red eyes had already given away the truth. “yeah.” 

she hummed, “may i come in?”

you hesitantly moved out of the way to let her through, cursing at yourself for finding her so attractive. 

“you know you can talk to me, you always do. why haven’t you said anything?” natasha moved to sit on the edge of your bed. “you’ve grown quiet these past few days, it’s not like you.”

“i’m just tired, worn out from work i suppose.”

she nodded, though she knew better than to believe such a lie. natasha could always tell when you were lying, something you both hated and loved at the same time. 

you sat next to her after a friendly tap on the bed. her gaze made you feel like a little kid in trouble. it was as if she already knew and was prepared to say the worse.

“i don’t believe you.” 

“well, i don’t know what you want me to tell you, nat.”

“how about the truth?” you scoffed purely out of defense. “and what good would that do?” 

“it might relieve whatever you’ve got on your heart.” you met natasha’s eyes and your lip immediately began to quiver.

“i’m afraid you won’t be able to look at me the same.” 

she softened, taking your hand in hers. “there’s nothing in the world that would change the way i see you.”

“you say that now, nat, but-”

“i wouldn’t say it if i didn’t mean it.” 

you thought about it further. natasha had never been one to judge someone based on the things they’ve been through, the things they’ve done or the things that make them who they are. she saw people the way they were, nothing more, nothing less. 

but what if she didn’t like you or see you the way you were? you weren’t sure you could handle the aftermath if that were to be the case. it was bad enough you struggled to accept yourself, natasha’s disapproval would only break you. 

“i’m a lesbian.” a lump in your throat began to form and you found yourself crying once more. “i tried so hard, i tried everything i could think of, but i can’t, i don’t like men.”

you coughed, choking on your words. 

“i don’t understand, nat! i don’t understand why i can’t be normal. why can’t i do it? if i just liked men i would be okay, i would be fine, i would be fucking accepted.” you paused for a breath of air. “i just want to be normal.” 

natasha was taken back by your confession. it was nothing near what she thought it would be. she expected you to tell her you’d been stressed or that you were scared for the next mission. 

“i’m sorry, i-”

the spy quickly cupped your face, tilting your chin upwards as a hint to meet her eyes again.

“look at me, c’mon, hey. you have nothing to be sorry for, don’t ever think that you do. i love you for who you are. there’s nothing wrong with being a lesbian. you’re normal, you’re who you are, who you’re supposed to be. you are real. i promise you are.” 

without thinking you leaned into natasha, clinging on to her for dear life. her arms found their way around your body, hands rubbing your back up and down. 

“you should be proud to be who you are, not ashamed. and if you’re not proud of yourself then please know that i am. i am so, so, incredibly proud of you, sweetheart.” she finger brushed your hair as you continued to cry. “shhh, you’re alright baby. i’m sorry you’ve been dealing with this alone.”

“it’s okay nat.” she gave your body a small squeeze, frowning at your response. “you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to force yourself to be someone or something you’re not. you don’t deserve to struggle so much for your own acceptance as a lesbian.” 

you nodded, though she could tell you weren’t fully convinced. “the only opinions you should care about are your own and the people you love and cherish. i know that’s easier said than done, but it’s true. besides, what you told me just gives me something more to love about you.” natasha finished off with a delicate kiss to your forehead. 

“this means a lot to me, nat. thank you, for everything really.” 

“oh sweetheart i should be thanking you for trusting me with such an important part of you are.” you shied away, a growing smile forming on your face as you leaned into her shoulder.

natahsa smirked, clearly aware of the effect she had on you. “who knew you could be so cute?” 

“nattttt.” 

she rose her hands up in surrender, “alright, alright. i’ll stop on one condition.” 

“what’s that?” you mumbled. 

“would you let me take you out for dinner tonight? i’ll show you just how beautiful it is to be with a woman.” 

“yeah, yes- yes please, that’s fine.” natasha could’ve sworn she heard your heartbeat quicken and she had to refrain from letting out a small laugh at your flustered state. 

“we need to clear that little mind of yours. i’ll be back here at seven on the dot, okay?” a pat on the leg caught your senses as you watched her stand. the last thing natasha heard was the soft “okay” fall from your lips as she walked out the door.

you’d never been happier to be a lesbian in your life by the end of the night. 

[nn-ee-zz]

Hello! I absolutely adore your art! All your pieces are so wonderful. You’re hands down one of my favorite artists ever. May i know what fandoms are you into? Have a lovely day!

An opportunity to talk about my interests? Don't mind if I do! Thank you! I hope I don't disapoint and still remain one of your favorite artists after this

I assume fandom as in spaces online what I participate in or visit, because there are many things that I enjoy but whose fandoms I don't interact with. That specially applies to music. My social battery can only last so long.

Anime/Manga

Despite how my art looks like, I’m very drawn to shows that are colorful, endearing, and dynamic. I want fluff, friendship, sparkles, no major world-altering conflict, just overall characters having a good time and creating impactful relationships amongst each other. I love wholesome happy endings, which is great for my soft heart. I know JJBA doesnt fit that category but it’s outlandish enough to make it a lot of fun. I have a soft spot for Vento Aureo in particular.

Now, I open an exception for Junji Ito. I love inhuman horror, where the threat can't be understood nor controlled. Amazing artstyle aswell.

Books

Dostoievski, Bulgakov, Tchekov

Rip dostoievski, you would have loved Mob Psycho 100. I feel like he would really appreciate a story centered around a character discovering themselves and how to approach their own feelings and the world and people that surround him. I know russian literature has a reputation of being heavy to intrepret and digest. It tackles complicated themes, yes. However, it does that in relatable, heartfelt, and oftentimes comedic way.

On a personal note, some works will be especially funny if you’re queer. As a queer person myself I intrepret A LOT of russian lit characters as being gay, messy, and unhinged. I say that as the highest of compliments. The people in the fandoms I'm in also agree

Dostoiesvki; Crime and Punishment, The Brothers Karamazov, The Idiot. Sad, unhinged men, powerful beautiful women, crimes.

Bulgakov; Master and Margarita!!! Bisexual criminals hanging out with the devil

Tchekov: Short stories, I especially love Ward Nº 6.

Games

I have no shame in admitting I want easy to play games. I already challenge myself with art daily, I don’t care about challenging myself in hobbies.

So I like a lot of visual novel/dating sims. I really liked The Arcana. My fave is, unfortunately, Lucio. I love mess! Love his looks and his horrible little attitude. I want a Valdemar tale. Currently, I’m also up to date with Last Legacy from the fictif app. I started Felix’s route (same with Julian from The Arcana, I went for the edgy emo one) but ended up picking Sage as a favorite. Like I said, I love mess! am currently waiting for a rime route idc if he tried to murder me

I really like Outlast as well, and have watched many, many playthroughs. Of both games. I've read the comics. Currently dormant in that fandom, but I am waiting for the new game to come out.

Youtube

I love fun and I love informative. If it's both, then it's for me. I might binge watch something from time to time, but the ones above are people whose content I've been coming back to for years.

Unhhh-Can't describe it but I love it and rewatch it often. Everyone who is a fan of Unhh is a friend of mine

Ask a Moritician-Caitlin Doughty! I'm always up do date with her channel, and I have bought all of her books. Her fandom is The Order of the Good Death basically jhdkjhaskj

Buzzfeed Unsolved- I've only recently started watching, yes, I know it ended. I'm having a lot of fun tho

Puppet History- A project with Shane Madej and Ryan Bergara, but without buzzfeed. I love history, I love puppets, I love songs.

How to Cook That- Ann Reardon my beloved! She debunks hacks, shows how to actually make them work, saves cakes, makes gorgeous food. Very clever, very wholesome (i stan dave). I also never miss a video

Jaboody Show- Not quite youtubers. They often upload their twitch streams on youtube. I don't watch them all tho. I always think 'i'll just watch 30 min of this 6 hour video' and end up watching the whole thing because they're so fun. Great to listen while working

Utsu-P - Not a youtuber, but a musician. A vocaloid producer, to be exact. Also never miss an upload. Moksha is my fave album and Unique is at close second.

Music

Speaking of Unhhh, I love the music Trixie Mattel (Brian Firkus) puts out. Yellow Cloud, and Gold always make me happy I’m alive. I don't belong to any fandom, however. I don’t stay inside genres either, I go after music for the emotions they bring in me. I spent the last few days listening to Crazier by Taylor Swift, the song she performed in the Hannah Montana movie shdjksahdjk. Some weeks prior it was Baba Yaga by Slaughter to Prevail. I have clear memories of listening to the Cheetah Girls while doing character design, too. Sometimes I listen to 20 minute videos that have snippets of a bunch of pop music from a certain year, when I need to keep up the energy. I'm the type that loves a band but doesn't even know the main singer's name. Which is great, cuz music fandoms look WILD. I'm peacefully enjoying things.

What a very long post! But this is basically it. Also shout out to 90 Day Fiance, that I keep up with because I always watch it with my mom. It's our thing. I'm in that fandom aswell cuz I love the chaos and telling my mom gossip.

Thank you for asking and for those who have read this far!

[the-tiniest-one]

Hello! I saw you asking for requests to be sent in. I was wondering if you could do headcanons for kakashi and gai (separately) with a plus size civilian s/o? Or one or the other? Thank you in advance ❤

MIGHT GUY

SO we all know Guy is ALL about 3 things. Youth. Passion. Protecting Precious People….and guess what? When you happen to cross paths with the Leaf Village’s Blue Beast, he trips over himself to let you know just how PRESH you are.

I don't see your status as a civilian as much of a road block for him. He needs someone grounded and with soft hands to hold.

Someone who will think he’s the strongest man in the world, a superhero.

He protects the ones he loves with his life and once you're in that circle there is no way out of this man’s giant heart.

You somehow enter Guy’s line of sight, maybe on a walk to class or work too early in the morning…. and from that moment you pass by and he catches sight of your pretty face, he is out for the count.

Now. Lets remember….Guy is CONFIDENT (sometimes more in spirit than in actual ability, he is the fake-it-till-you-make-it KING).

Also important to note: Guy is NOT the same as Rock Lee in his pursuit of women. He’s not about to blow every kiss at you from the jump or shamelessly confess everything out right. Don't get me wrong, he’s shameless….but Guy wants to be seen as someone cool, sexy, a real macho/mighty man... He wants to be slick Kakashi his eternal rival. He’s going to try to be velvety smooth….without success.

He would find any excuse to be in your eye line while flexing or saving a poor disguised student he employed for his contrived scheme, in this case... Neji or Lee in a dress from falling off a building LOL. (“They would be asking him to please explain again how this is training?”)------You might be a civilian. But Genjutsu of that level does NOT work on you LOL.

You are the one to finally introduce yourself to a slumped and defeated Guy after about a week of his adorable attempts at trying to bate you in with his goober acts.

“Hello, my name is (y/n). I was hoping maybe you would like to get a drink sometime?” you say with a half smile.

He would raise his head, teeth BEAMING….the power of youth always prevails!

Best. Decision. Ever. Guy charming and not to mention SHREDDED.

When he accepts your date offer, He would stand and grin, maybe saying something a little cocky like; “A handsome, war hardened devilish shinobi such as myself will always find time to satiate the voracious desires of such a heavenly woman so bursting with the essence springtime.”

He would be so so so respectful.

That being said, you're HIGH AF if you think you aren't making a B-line to walk by Kakashi on the way so Guy can tactfully walk by loudly so that his rival notices he’s with a cute girl.

He’s going to be the chivalrous type. The kind of man who makes sure your hands are around his giant bicep whenever he escorts you anywhere….which from this point on is almost anytime he is home from missions or not training.

Guy is perfect. He’s tall, JACKED, and such a sweet loving man.

He is obsessed with your shampoo. His nose is always in your hair.

Lets face it. Guy is 100% the most physical man that has ever walked the streets of Konoha. If you aren't big on touching, then his is not the man for you.

One hand will always be around your waist, holding your hand, arm around your neck, locked on your curves or anywhere else….respeeeectfully of course.

He will always be up on you and in your face so get ready for that LOL.

He will be proud of you. He will be boisterous to an exhausting level about your achievements.

He will be exhilarating in every way.

One of Guy’s greatest strengths is also one of his most unfortunate downfalls. He is wildly protective. Never underestimate his ferocity when it comes to you. You may have to communicate more than once where the line is when it comes to him watching over you. Even though you aren’t skilled in combat as he is, you also are not a child and he will take some time to learn what you require and what you don’t.

He always means well.

You have some faults and things to work on as well. Guy is tender as hell, an emotional, hot blooded, love sick fool who can and WILL take things you say to heart so be sure if you notice him freaking out or trying too hard to make you happy, to hold him and let me know often that he is perfect the way he his.

In the end all of the passions and butterflies that Guy provokes from your heart are entirely justified.

He will ask you to marry him after a date, probably at sunset, one knee, giant ring he spent way too much on.

He claims you deserve the world and you tell him that instead of the world “you would settle for just having his hands, his lips, and his heart.”

Do your best to return his love to the best of your ability because not everyone gets the chance to be loved by the Hidden Leafs Handsome Blue Beast.

KAKASHI

I’ve never seen Kakashi as someone who would end up with another shinobi bombshell.

Instead I think he would find himself interested in someone who is a total badass in another line of work.

Example; You first encounter him one day while advising Lady Tsunade on the information the Hidden Leaf Village (and a few others) pay’s your company large sums of money to collect, aggregate, and report.

Kakashi stands guard during the meeting, watching you speak with an eloquent grace and authority he finds captivating and maybe a little seductive.

By then end of the meeting he is curious about you...wondering what you thought of him, what you think about everything.... You never even look his way.

He falls in line with you as we escorts you out of the building, walking beside you in the otherwise empty stairwell.

You smirk and take the liberty of speaking first. “Did you enjoy the show Scarecrow?”

From that moment on he’s hooked.

Now I also don’t find the idea of him falling for someone with some FULL curves to be all that outlandish….He has never given .00000001% of a shit what other people think.

He also shares the famous Pervy Sage’s taste in “women he describes from research” and romantic books about women shaped like gourds so with that logic in mind….dude likes thicc, full, curvaceous women for sure. It's basically cannon at this point ;)

Kakashi is someone who has learned emotional detachment through pain. You are the first person who shows promise in tearing down those defenses.

Your relationship not necessarily a slow burn. Kashi isn’t a kid, just because he hasn’t fallen head over heals with anyone before, doesn’t mean he is a mystery to himself or oblivious to his feelings.

That being said, I do think he will protect you by keeping a relationship with you under wraps for the first year or so.

If anything EVER happened to you….he wont let that happen.

The secrecy could be hard on you at first.

Watching more than a few women flirt shamelessly with your Kashi is beyond ROUGH.

Especially considering most of them are tough as nails ninja women with perfect bodies. You aren't used to feeling threatened by other people men or women, so you have a hard time learning how to deal with it.

Kakashi is always quick to remind you that he is serious about your relationship though.

He looks at you with a ferocity only seen by people who are no longer alive. His voice is low and serious when he gets close and tells you, “(Y/N) You are my entire life. I will never leave you. I promise I am yours until the day I die.”

After a few times of him promising you that he really is in love with you, you believe him and can be secure in his word.

As his girlfriend, you take his breath away.

The way you speak, move, sleep….

Even the way you casually conduct yourself at home and in public makes him more than proud to know who you are. Let alone get to go home to you.

Guy is the first one to catch on believe it or not. He notices Kakashi peaking over the top of his book at you as you walk down the opposite side of the street. He’s known Kakashi since they were kids, he puts a reassuring hand on your boyfriends shoulder and vows without spoken words to protect you when Kakashi can’t be there….and Kakashi understands. It helps him sleep just a little better knowing he has help.

Stargazing on a rooftop one chilly autumn night, Kakashi grabs your hand and proposes to you with a small silver ring, slightly ashamed for it’s lack of a stone.

“I want you to be my wife.” is all he says and you wrap your arms around him whispering in his ear “You have had my heart since the first day I met you…. And you always will.”

His heart melts into a puddle at the sound of you telling him he will have a wife. Finally have family that loves him this much.

[sofiaaaaaaaa03]

Teaching Din Earth Music

Pairing: Din djarin x earthling!gn!teen reader (platonic)

Word count: 1,151

Rating: G

Scenario: You try to teach Din about earth music during one of your trips.

Authors Note: Hey lovelies, I hope you're having an amazing day. Please remember to drink water and eat something. I hope you guys enjoy this, sorry it's a bit tiny :)

Ever since Din caught you listening to earth music you’d grown more comfortable playing it while he was on board. On particularly long trips you made it a habit to put on some music to make the ride more entertaining. It was really only used when the two of you were too exhausted from chores or missions to bother making conversation. You enjoyed it, really. It reminded you of your home and your time on Earth. Now more than ever, wherever you go you notice the absence of music in the strange, hostile planets Din takes you compared to where it always seemed to follow you on Earth, playing in the air of cafes, stores, restaurants, and oh the car rides you and your friends used to share.

A tight lipped smile spread across your features. You wondered how they were doing. It’s not everyday your friend mysteriously disappears, let alone getting stranded in space in your case. But you consider yourself lucky. You glanced towards the Mandalorian beside you, piloting the ship. He’s shown you kindness in many ways, and took you in while you try to find Earth. It was a planet Din was unfamiliar with, even going as far as to say that it was considered a myth across many cultures in the galaxy. It would have been a waste of time for him to go out of his way to follow a silly fantasy. However, you could only assume something about you reminded him about himself when he was young, because despite this, he trusted your word, and genuinely wanted to help you return home.

In some weird trade off, you taught Din things about your home planet that were foreign and honestly strange in his opinion. A world where a majority of its denizens remain on-planet the entire time? He couldn’t believe it. He simply refused the concept of social media and antagonized the habits of posting oneself on vacation. Something about exposing your location. You didn’t mind it all too much to be honest.

Your favorite thing to teach him was earth music. It was so much more distinctive to the music you heard around the galaxy, where saloons played Jizz like there was no tomorrow. It was good music, you’ll admit, but nothing was like the variety of the music back home.

The data pad Din lent you laid on the ship’s mainframe, “Okay okay. You’re probably not going to like this since you have the mentality of a 40 year old man, but hear these out. A lot of people my age enjoy these songs back at home.”

It was natural to begin with songs that were trending the last time you were on earth. Din enjoyed some of the more upbeat songs, like Tongue Tied by a group called Grouplove.

“This is what we consider a coming of age song.”

Din gave you a questioning look and you continued. “On Earth we pass our time watching movies, stories acted out by humans that are recorded on a camera.”

“Your planet has too much time on their hands…”

“C’mon Din it’s not like everyone does it!” You defended, “People do it for a job, and only qualified people can. Anyways, that’s not the point. Some movies I grew up with have a point where the main character suddenly grows up, not age wise but mentally. Usually it's through conquering a fear or obstacle in the movie, and when that happens we-”

“Put a song like this in the movie?”

You made a little scoff, “Yeah, in the movie.”

“I suppose… it does evoke emotions like it wants you to. Put on another song, maybe one adults listen to.”

You paused for a moment to recollect the songs your parents would play back at home. They had a variety of artists that they listened to, but you smiled and tapped the data pad to play a song you think Din may like.

It seemed that The Chain by Fleetwood Mac intrigued Din, who tilted his head as the melody began. You waited until the chorus ended to ask Din of his opinion. He gave a nonchalant shrug and claimed that it was interesting before asking you to put on another song.

“Is this really what people my age listen to?”

“Honestly most men I’ve met your age listen to hard rock, but it’s their taste!”

“Earthlings listen to a rock?” Din turned to you in surprise and shook his head. He took the data pad from its place and looked through the playlist you were making. “No wonder you haven’t been off-planet yet.”

You took the data pad back from him and stuck your tongue at him, “I’ll have you know that 553 of us humans have been to space, thank you.”

You tried a couple of Journey songs, some that Din asked you to write down for him to listen to later, and showed some Queen classics. You noticed that Din wasn’t much of a fan for songs that were fan favorites like We Will Rock You or Bohemian Rhapsody (You genuinely thought you’d get him for the last one. All of your schoolmates would go nuts for that song) , but he did enjoy other classics like Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy, Fat-Bottomed Girls, and Radio Ga Ga.

“What were some songs you heard growing up?”

“Hm… to be honest I don’t remember all of them. The music all seems like a blur to be honest, guess that’s what happens when you grow up, things become a blur. Anyways,” You listed off some songs, making small talk about it but caught Din’s look of confusion and decided to play some off for him.

The razor crest was filled with a large assortment of music, ranging from ABBA to Harry Styles. Some songs, Din could get the concept very easily by listening to the lyrics while in others he asked you about its meaning. Songs about love, you’d noticed, were the hardest for him to decipher, even if the lyrics were plain as day.

After some time, you decided to ask him about it while Dancing Queen was on.

“I don’t understand,” You turned your attention to Din when he spoke, “If they want to dance with someone they should just go find someone. What’s the point of singing about it?”

You “They’re not singing about dancing with just anybody. They want to dance with someone who will be with them for the rest of their lives. Their special somebody. Y’know?”

“Hm.” He didn’t make another comment. There was nothing to fill the void aside from the occasional beeping of machinery. You wondered what was on his mind as you stared at the helmet that obscured his face. Come to think of it, you don’t know what he’s thinking even when he has his helmet off.

You broke the silence.

“Din?”

“Hm?”

“Have you ever found your special somebody?”

...

Tag List:

@sagedgeek @kiara-is-gay @jupitersmooneuropa

[anyoneseenadam]

That fenrys fic was divine 😭🔥 can I request something for him having a nightmare for the first time since he found his mate and she comforts him and reassure him ?a tiny bit of angst maybe 💔🤧

pairing: Fenrys x reader (throne of glass)

warnings: blood, violence, nightmares, character death (kinda), mainly fluff with a lil bit of angst

a/n: I completely stole the first half of this from a short story I wrote about Achilles lmao, also THANK YOU FENRYS IS AN ICON AND DESERVES ALL THE LOVE WHICH I AM HAPPY TO GIVE, hope u enjoy <3

(I did not proof read this because I am tired :))

��—————————————————————————

Fenrys hands shook as they refrained from touching her, from pulling her in and wrapping himself around her, drowning in her hair, her skin, her clothes, her laugh, eyes, smile. She turned with a smirk and a cheeky eyebrow raise, beckoning him in. He lunged, grabbing her, ready to make true on his wish, staring in wonder as her solid form turned to mist in his hands as she moved further away. Her laugh drawing him in. And of course, he followed like the lost puppy he was, begging, and whining to return to comfort, home, safety. She was his home, and he would follow her to the ends of the world if it meant she stayed that way.

 She had moved again, this time into a series of winding corridors, the maze he called his heart, a maze she owned. He chased after her, but she was quick, twisting and turning through corridors and secret doors, the map laid bare for her to see as he stumbled blinding, led only be the light she left in her path and her infectious laughter. Finally, she reached a dead end, casually bracing herself against the cold walls, releasing an exhale of laughter through her nose. He slowed his pace to a walk as she smiled up at him through curling lashes, nothing but the faint smudge of rouge high on her cheeks concealing her natural face to him, which he proceeded to wipe with his thumb when he reached her, his build towering over hers.

 “Finished running, are you?” he mused quietly,

 “I knew you wouldn’t let me get too far,” she whispered back, lips tracing his jaw.

 “That’s because you hold my leash,” he allowed himself to concede, “always have, always will my darling.”

 She let out a sigh of agreement, before leaning to his ear, their bodies pressed so tightly together he could feel her heart beating in his own chest, as if they had swapped hearts giving the other all they were, all they could be.

 “There is no me without you.” She uttered the vows they had made that beautiful day, where she dressed as the angel he was sure she was. He leaned down to express his love, but she did not allow him to rest in her arms for long, pulling away with a giggle.

 “What?” he asked with a smirk, but she was already gone giggling behind him, the chase beginning again.

 But as he turned, blessed by the smile she gave him, all pearly white teeth and rosy cheeks, the warning shout he cried was not quick enough as a wash of deep red replaced the once pure and untainted white of her smile. Her mouth filling with blood, the sword protruding from her stomach like a handle. She stared at him questions not asked soon enough as she splutters up blood onto her previously fresh clothes, eyes full of fear, splitting his heart in half, the ground crumbling beneath his feet.

 He tried to run to her, hands grasping at air as he fell through the cracks in his own heart, a scream tearing from his throat as she was pulled from him, skin draining of colour and eyes turning black, full of hatred and contempt as she stared him down.

 His own scream woke him up, sweat and tears blending on his face like paint on a pallet, as he gripped her pillow and sobbed on their bed. He herded himself into the far corner of the bed, afraid when he realised she was not lying next to him, comforting words, and gentle hands ready to lull him back to sleep. Fear and sadness battled in his heart, the heart he had given her during the war, the heart she had held safely as she cut her way through armies to reach him again. The heart she had put back together with soft kisses and words of undying love. The heart she had tied to her own the day they wed and had kept pressed safely in her chest since.

 He looked now, tears blurring the image he was presented with, bookshelves filled with stories you promised you would read eventually, tubes of lipstick on the floor next to the frame of their mirror, tea left to go cold in mugs dotted around the room, sketches left to be forgotten on desks and ribbons tied haphazardly around bed posts.

 He saw all these signs of you, the clues you left him as he navigated your shared life. His eyes darted around the room, breath picking up when he couldn’t see you, pressing a hand to your side of the bed and finding it warm, his breathing only slowing a little.

 He stood, pulling on a pair of boxers, and grabbing two daggers he kept next to the bed as his mind filled with the worst possible scenarios. He slowly padded out the room, moving silently through the house and thinking of a million different ways to torture whoever had dared to touch you. The tears on his face had dried uncomfortably but it was the least of his worries as he stalked through his own home, fear clouding his judgement that argued you were probably safe.

 He heard movement in the kitchen and walked that way, footsteps light as he rounded to corner to a beautiful sight. His arms dropped as he took in the sight of you in nothing but his shirt, sipping from a glass of water, illuminated by the moons glow. You turned when he walked in, smiling at his but furrowing your eyebrows when you saw his facial expression and the knives in his hands.

 “Fenrys, what happened?” you asked, moving over to him as he threw his daggers down, arms encircling your waist as he breathed in your scent. “Fenrys please, you’re scaring me.”

 He pulled away from you and you reached up, stroking a hand down his face and looking up at him with nothing but concern in your eyes, eyes that were searching his for any clues of why he was acting this way.

“I though you were- I thought someone had,” he struggled to get the words out, pulling you even closer, one hand tangling itself in your hair as you furrowed your eyebrows at him, kissing his sharp jaw.

 “Slow down love, tell me what happened,” your soothing voice calmed him, his breath coming easier as you moved a hand to his shoulder, your loving grip grounding him.

 “I had a dream, then I woke up and you weren’t hear and I- I thought someone had taken you,” he whispered, eyes filling with tears as he pictured your lifeless eyes and limp body.

 “Oh my love, I’m sorry,” you pulled away from him, clasping his large hand in your smaller one and pulling him to your shared bedroom, “But you know I’m not easy to kidnap, I make too much noise.”  You joked, holding his hand to your mouth, and kissing it lightly as you walked over to your bed.

 He sat down first, and you stood between his legs, his arms wrapping tightly around you again. “Don’t joke about that,” he muttered into your stomach, but he couldn’t resist the smile forming.

 You pushed his head back and climbed into his lap, arms resting on his shoulders. “I mean honestly, if I ever got taken hostage I’m pretty sure I’d annoy them into letting me go, I’d just start explaining my top three reasons why every Jane Austen novel contains gay subtext.”

 “Or you could explain to them the tier list you and Aelin made of all the men you know.” Fenrys laughed as your eyes lit up.

 “I forgot about that!” you exclaimed and Fenrys laughed, lying down, and pulling you with him as he tickled your sides, revelling in your squeals as you batted your hands at him.

 When you calmed down, breathing quickly you rolled off Fenrys as he nestled himself between your breasts, holding you close.

 “Please never leave me,” he whispered into your chest as he listened to the steady beat of your heart as it created a song just for him. The vulnerability in his voice broke you and you moved a hand to his head, stroking lightly.

“Never.” You spoke with such surety that Fenrys let out the exhale he had been holding in. “I am never going to leave you, I’m always going to be by your side.”

“I love you so much, so much when I thought you were gone, I felt sick. I can’t do this without you.” He whispered into your skin. “Sometimes I’m scared that one day I’ll wake up and all this will have been a dream. And I’ll have to lie with Maeve again and kill for her and watch her hurt Conall and it will be so much worse, because I’ll remember this softness, I’ll remember you and maybe one day I’d find you and you wouldn’t recognise me, and for the rest of my life I’d think of you, of the woman I never got to love.”

“This is real.” You whispered, kissing his head, and ignoring the tears welling in your eyes, “I’m real, you’re real. We’re real Fenrys.”

He didn’t reply, just buried his face deeper into your chest, addicted to the feel of your heartbeat. The constant reminder that you were here, you were alive. After he lost his brother you noticed Fenrys had become clingier, you initially presumed it was just because he was in mourning and needed comfort but one night he had drunkenly confessed his biggest fear to you. The nightmares he would have where you left him, told him you hated him, and the worst of all, the nightmares in which he watched your life be cruelly ripped from you. He could live with you hating him and leaving him, knowing that somewhere in the world you were safe and breathing, but everyday he feared your death.

The mornings he would wake up and find you wincing, a hot water bottle pressed into your lower stomach, the thought of you in any form of pain ripping into him, making his heartbeat faster and his palms sweat. The powerful warrior brought to his knees for you, but you were always quick to reassure him with kisses and promises of staying in bed all day.

As he breathed in your scent now and listened to your heartbeat, happily surrounded by you and only you, he allowed himself to relax under you soft touch, his own heart slowing to beat with yours as the fear slowly melted from him.

He needn’t fear your death, as he knew that he would never let you die. No, instead he would always fall before you, sacrifice his own life, any life if it meant you survived. You were a Goddess sent to bless him and he would fall to worship before you, always.

[spicycreativity]

Good Omens but Make It Moceit (unfinished)

I said I would do it and I tried very, very hard but it's not looking like I'm going to be able to finish because ✨mental health reasons✨

Here's what I have so far (about 8k words)

EDEN

It is a little-known theological fact that the invention of the hypothetical coincided nearly perfectly with the invention of the thunderstorm, the latter being a rather effable invention of God, all things considered, and the former springing forth from the troubled mind of Phaedaël, the angel of the Eastern gate. The first drops of rain pattered to the ground and he curved one wing upward to protect his head. Addressing his companion, he said, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I should be talking to you."

"Oh, and what a shame," cooed the serpent, who hadn't yet chosen a name, "and here I was so hoping you'd wring the details out of me."

"Oh," said the angel, considering this. He shifted uncomfortably, and made a face like he'd just been forced to swallow something bitter. "Well… What did you say to her?"

"Don't patronize me," said the serpent. He paused. "I don't suppose you could enlighten me, angel, on what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil?"

"They broke the rules," said the angel firmly.

"I don't suppose it matters that the rule was arbitrary?" The angel drew in a breath to reply, but the serpent cut him off, looking him up and down suddenly as though seeing him for the first time. A sly smile tugged at his lips. "Lose something?"

"No!" said the angel, far too quickly.

"Oh, come on. Lying doesn't become an angel."

"It's not a lie!" the angel insisted.

"Well, then. Please do tell me what happened to that flaming sword of yours."

The rain began to fall in earnest. A thunderclap sounded overhead. The angel said, "What if you had an opportunity to help someone--"

"What if?" repeated the serpent incredulously.

"What if," persisted the angel, "someone could benefit from something you were supposed to have, but weren't really using?"

The serpent began to laugh. "Don't tell me you gave it--" he gestured into the distance-- "to them?" A few more hysterical cackles escaped his chest, but he swallowed the rest down at the anguished look on the angel's face. "Oh, relax. If you did it, it can't have been bad, can it? Angels don't do bad."

"And demons don't do good?" the angel looked at the serpent with uncertainty.

"Oh, yes," purred the serpent, "we're wicked to the core."

The angel went silent, considering this.

The thunder roared, the rain came down harder, the serpent remained, and the angel very gently lifted his other wing to keep his companion dry.

Who, after all, prayed for the Devil?

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

God (God)

Logan (Patton's overseer)

Satan (A Fallen Angel; The Fallen Angel, one might say)

Remus (Janus' overseer)

Janus (An angel who did not so much fall as back away muttering "I'm really going to do it this time; no one try to stop me")

Roman (a lover)

Virgil (an Antichrist)

Dog (hellhound, hellraiser, and sleeping partner)

21 YEARS AGO

In the Valendale Regional Military Cemetery lurked a demon.

Well, he lurked as best as he was able, given that the ambiance was all off for lurking. He had fudged the timing a little, being unaccustomed to the nature of the passage of time on Earth, and had accidentally arrived just in time to witness a beautiful sunrise over Florida's eastern coast. Half the sky was a magnificent golden ocean with waves of orange and pink. The military cemetery had also been a mistake, though this one bothered him less. While he had been hoping for something a little more ancient and decrepit, he soon began to console himself by playing hopscotch on the clean, flat grave markers, delighting in the muddy bootprints he left behind him.

Besides, he liked the way 'military cemetery' rolled off the tongue.

When he inevitably got bored of desecrating graves, he threw himself down in the grass and began to look for worms and bugs with which he might decorate his uniform.

This was Remus, a Duke of Hell.

He found a worm and began to speak to it, watching it writhe around in his palm. "I'm so bored."

He spent a good few seconds coming up with a voice to use to represent the worm, then asked himself in a high-pitched squeak, "Why's that, your

Grace?"

Remus cupped the worm in his hands and rolled over, nearly kicking the basket he'd brought with him. This bothered him less than it rightfully should have, considering what was inside. He only gave a blithe "Oops!" and returned his attention to the worm. "That little subordinate of mine is making me wait!"

The worm said, "You should punish him!"

"Good idea!" Remus exclaimed, stroking the worm with his fingertip. "What do you think, should I spank him? Make him kiss my boots? Or--" He cut himself off, having just caught sight of flashing red and blue lights in the near distance. Sirens had been echoing on and off throughout the night, but they were very near now. "There's my bitch!" he said with undisguised affection. He put the worm in his pocket and stood up.

The Interstate Highway System was ostensibly developed under the command of United States President Dwight D Eisenhower in order to facilitate the movement of personal use vehicles, public transportation vehicles, and self-propelled field artillery across the country. This project, as anyone who has ever attempted to traverse the Interstate Highway System can tell you, was a catastrophic failure. The criss-crossing network of freeways, highways, turnpikes, and byways is frequently backed up with bumper-to-bumper traffic.

What most hapless travelers of the Interstate Highway System do not know is that the cloverleaf interchange, one of the most commonly-used interchanges in city planning, is also the exact same shape as the sigil det in the written language of the Church of the Black Clock. Written correctly, it means "black fire upon my enemies, devour their souls!" (Note: Written incorrectly, it reads "kneel, gay men.") Every day, commuters slow traffic via their own ill-wishes on fellow drivers, granted life by the sigil. (It is a known fact that every driver on the freeway considers every other driver on the freeway an enemy).

It was one of Janus' most diabolical achievements. He was quite proud of himself, not only in the end result but in his methods. While a lesser demon might have had to go to the trouble of hands-on work: hacking computers, making bribes, and, Satan-forbid, possibly even sneaking out at night to move marker pegs by hand, all Janus had had to do was talk. He was quite good at getting people to do his bidding once he got his foot in the door.

Something Janus had inexplicably failed to account for was the fact that he, too, would occasionally need to use the freeway system. Such was the curse of Janus' great evil deeds: more often than not, they slalomed between his legs like a wily terrier and bit him squarely on the ass.

The irony snuck up on him sometimes.

Janus had dark hair and high cheekbones. His eyes and tongue were really only unusual if you looked at them twice, and he had a tendency to hiss when he forgot himself. He looked far too young, far too handsome, and far too svelte for the 1957 Cadillac Deville he was driving, bearing no resemblance at all to the sort of wealthy, elderly man who deals in classic cars.

He checked his watch, which also seemed too old for him, and glanced at the rearview mirror. Normally he enjoyed the minor thrill of having cops on his tail, but his exit was coming up and he did have someplace to be.

What he did next lacked imagination, but it got the job done: With one complicated hand gesture, he turned both officers into pigs and gently glided their cars to the shoulder. Then he turned on his blinker and took his exit.

Remus watched the police lights disappear  with impassivity, bouncing on his toes. When Janus finally emerged through the wrought iron gates, having bent reality to get past them, he raised his arms and shouted, "Hail Satan!"

Janus acknowledged this with two lifted fingers. "So sorry I'm late," he said, bringing his hand smoothly upward to tip his hat, "it's just that I don't value your time in comparison to mine." The sarcastic inflection was so light the words could very well be sincere. But of course Janus always meant every word of what he'd said. (Now that's

sarcastic inflection)!

Remus gave a feral grin. Janus was his favorite subordinate. "Wanna see my worm?"

Millennia of acquaintanceship had freed Janus from the notion that he needed to be polite to Remus. The demon was as twisted as they came and nearly immune to flattery. "As much as I'd love to, shouldn't we get this over with?"

"Yeah, yeah." Remus looked around. "Hm, now where did I put the basket?"

The basket was currently sitting atop the headstone for a General T. Pratchett. Janus spied it first and indicated it to Remus with a flicker of his yellow irises, careful not to let a trace of his hesitancy show on his face. He didn't even let himself hesitate when Remus, who had hopscotched over to the basket and then back over to Janus, thrust it out to him.

"So this is really it," Janus murmured, wrapping both gloved hands around the handle of the basket. Then he began to work. "What a high honor."

"So they say," Remus said.

"Remus, be honest with me." Brief pause, just enough for Remus to wonder at the weight in Janus' voice. "Did you pull some strings to ensure I was the one who got this task? Do I owe you a favor?"

"Are you about to thank me?" Remus asked, tilting his head. Addressing the worm in his breast pocket, he said, "Listen up, this should be good."

"So you did?"

"Of course not."

Here it was. After a few seconds of rallying, his ace: "So why me?"

"You've been in the field the longest." Remus' grin widened to an impossible degree and he grabbed Janus by the lapels of his immaculate suit jacket, coming nose to nose. "Some of us think you're getting soft."

Janus smiled back, the unblinking predator's grin of a snake about to strike, and hefted the basket. "We'll see about that." And he extricated his lapels from Remus' grasp and turned to leave.

"You didn't say hi to my worm!" Remus called after him. Janus did not reply. Remus fished the worm out of his pocket. "How rude."

"The nerve of some demons," agreed the worm.

The Cadillac's speedometer hit 110. Janus fumbled for the volume knob with a shaking hand. The radio was permanently set to 98.5 The Jukebox, which only ever seemed to play Queen.

"Shit," Janus muttered as majestic panned harmonies began to emanate from his speakers. "Shit-shit-shit. Why now? Why me?"

BECAUSE, came the harmonic vocals, YOU'VE EARNED IT.

Janus bit down on his tongue to keep from swearing. Communication via electronics had been another one of his ideas, hoping he'd be issued a BlackBerry or a Nokia. But no. Instead, upper management just cut into whatever he was listening to at the time and twisted it. "Thank you very much, my lord," he said, working very very hard to instill his voice with the proper amount of unctuous ooze.

THIS IS IMPORTANT, JANUS.

"Yes, my lord."

THIS IS THE BIG ONE.

"Yes, my lord."

AND YOU UNDERSTAND, JANUS, THAT IF THIS GOES WRONG, EVERYONE INVOLVED WILL BE PUNISHED. EVEN YOU. ESPECIALLY YOU.

"I understand."

GOOD. YOUR INSTRUCTIONS.

And suddenly, he just knew. A new Queen song began to play on 98.5 The Jukebox, and Janus hissed and slammed the heel of his hand against the steering wheel. "What was the point of all that, then?" he demanded of Freddie Mercury.

Freddie Mercury replied, "Don't stop me now! 'Cause I'm havin' a good time!"

Janus rolled his eyes and changed lanes without signaling. He had been instructed to head straight to a hospital on the edge of town. It was technically in an unincorporated community called Misty, but for all intents and purposes, Misty was Valendale. If he kept up this pace (the needle of the speedometer now closer to 130), he could be there in five minutes. Joy.

It had all been going so well, too. He'd really hit his stride in the 21st century, and now here was Hell pulling the rug out from under his shiny Armani brogues. Armageddon. What a nightmare.

In the Publix baking aisle, two angels stood side by side. One of them was Phaedaël, who had lately adopted the name 'Patton,' feeling it suited his corporation.

The other had been christened 'Loirea' once upon a time. As Heaven began to

modernize, Loirea had been the first among the angels to adapt to the changes being made. He had even taken on the name 'Logan' as a show of good faith. 

Both of the angels were human-shaped, having discovered early on that it's much easier to get things done when you have limbs as opposed to flaming wheels of eyes and animal heads poking out at odd angles.

Both wore glasses. Patton's glasses were round, wire-rimmed things, of the sort usually found on kindly old librarians and stern but fair headmasters of all-boy's boarding schools. Logan's glasses were made of shiny black plastic and looked like they could draw blood if strategically applied to a sufficiently tender area.

Patton was, at the moment, holding a bag a semolina flour under one arm and awkwardly attempting to explain himself. "It's called 'cooking.' It's actually really clever, you take ingredients and combine them--"

"Why?" Logan interrupted 

"Oh, uh, well," Patton hesitated, shamefaced, "it makes food."

"Eating," Logan said in such a forceful tone of dismissal that three boxes of brownie mix turned to ash behind him. "I don't understand why you waste your time."

"It helps me blend in," Patton said with a sheepish smile. Everything from his shoes to his shirt was a shade of white or blue; he'd never been comfortable dealing in gray areas.

"I see." Logan adjusted his tie. "Well, I'll let you get back to it in a moment. I just came to pass on a message: Our intel has given us reason to believe that Armageddon is underway."

"Oh," said Patton vaguely, staring at a bag of something labeled 'pasta flour.' "Oh!"

"We'd like for you to keep an eye on Janus. He's a demon; he's on a similar mission to yours."

"I, uh," Patton swallowed hard, staring right through the pasta flour, "I've heard of him."

"Good." Logan put his hand on Patton's shoulder and looked him dead in the eye. "Patton."

"Y-yes?"

"When I say 'keep an eye on' I mean I want you to watch him. It's a figure of speech."

Patton nodded, forcing his mouth to curve into a pale imitation of a smile. Logan nodded back and vanished.

"Well," Patton said to the pasta flour, "fiddlesticks."

Brother Emile Analogical had been raised a Satanist. There is no such thing as an orthodox Satanist, but if there was, that would be the kind of Satanism that Brother Emile's parents had practiced. He had graduated with unspectacular grades, joined the Paralleling Order of Saint Botild, and promptly moved from Nebraska to Florida: more specifically, to the unincorporated community of Misty in the greater Valendale area. The climate had taken some getting used to, not to mention the long, black robes he had to wear, but he had survived the transition and found himself a good fit for the Paralleling Order.

Note: Saint Botild Comminalitus of Malmö was reputed to have been martyred in the middle of the fifth century, for reasons unclear. It is said that the Lord granted him the power to draw parallels and connections between topics; his last words are reported to have been "This reminds me of that one story about Loptr, when he--" Then his assailants lit the pyre.

At the moment, Brother Emile was thinking about the tall, dark figure stalking down the hallways at him holding a basket, likening him to a Scooby-Doo villain, the way the shadows seemed to stick to him.

"Jinkies!" said Brother Emile once the figure was in earshot.

Janus raised an eyebrow at him over the tops of his sunglasses. "Hello."

Unphased by the cold greeting, Brother Emile pointed to the basket. "Is that the fairly odd baby?" he asked in a high-pitched coo that indicated he already suspected the answer.

"No," said Janus, rolling his eyes. "It's a basket of kittens I saved from drowning. Aren't you wondering why I'm all wet?"

"You're," Brother Emile started, and Janus braced himself, fearing the last frayed thread of his patience might snap if the sentence ended with the word 'dry,' "a Mister Grumpy Gills, aren't you?'

Janus thrust the basket at Brother Emile and did not dignify him with any answer more notable than a slight thinning of

his lips.

Brother Emile drew back the blankets and began to babble at the sleeping Antichrist. Janus took the opportunity to flee.

"Look at you," Brother Emile said happily. "Sleeping in a pic-a-nic basket, huh, Boo-boo?"

After a few more moments of cooing, babytalk, and Boomerang references, he remembered himself and found a wheeled bassinet for the baby Antichrist. 

There is a game, common among carnies and street magicians in which a ball is hidden under cups and shuffled around. Unbeknownst to himself, the two sets of new parents, and all the friars at St Botild's, Brother Emile Analogical was about to become a mark.

And Hell had had nothing to do with it.

same rate, and good and evil had a knack for balancing themselves out in the grand scheme of things. And this left Janus and Patton free to pursue other passions, which somehow resulted in the two of them spending a great deal of time in each other's company.

silence. "It's not even that I disagree with you," he said apologetically. "It's just, well, you know, I'm not allowed to disobey."

his hazelnut hot chocolate. "What's a shame?"

Janus nodded. "Roman Dowling."

Roman was about to turn 21, and lived his life according to the belief that everyone over the age of 30 was, in some degree, an 'elder').

wanna do that."

"Roman!"

people; every social interaction, no matter how minor, always kept his body as tense as wire.