#hopefully that at least sheds light on my view point?

[alyjojo]

October 👻 2023 PAC - Who Haunts You & Why?

Welcome to my fun & spooky October PAC, where it may turn out actually spooky 😈 At least, that was the initial intention. Most are likely to get very deep, these are likely difficult subjects and people to “haunt” us in the first place. Some situations will be darker than others, I will lightly touch on what I see and remain empathetic and in the flow without getting too deep or painfully descriptive. We want to heal it, not re-live it. You know you 🙏 The oracles I’m using for this reading are all for descriptive purposes to help shed light on a character profile or situation, not to be taken literally, unless they do for you. I’m also not putting any focus on signs, it can be any sign in this energy. These are meant to be general, for many different people so if it sounds like you, great. Some may have more than one, or not feel pulled to choose any, and that’s fine too.

Hopefully this helps anyone drawn to it! I love everyone on this blog, it’s grown so much in the past two years, thanks to you guys 🥳

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Pile 1 - Crow 🖤

Living or Passed?: Living

Character Oracle: The Founder

Who they are: King of Swords, 5 Swords & 8 Pentacles

Why: 9 Wands & King of Pentacles

Oracles: ENGAGEMENT RING 💍

- Higher Commitment

- Eternity

- Partnership & Union

- Completion

71 - Free Associate

Allow the first thing that comes into your mind without self-censorship to bestow a vision upon you.

70 - Insight

See beyond appearances, masks, cliches, and cultural stereotypes to gain insight.

Several stories are coming through at once with this King of Swords. This feels like an authority figure, and with The Founder, they are the ones that did something “first”. Or better, in their mind, or yours, and it creates a LOT of pressure on you to meet or exceed the standards of this other person. King of Swords is a very intelligent person, they don’t consider emotions in their decision making, only the logic and facts they have in front of them. They can be very black & white in how they view solutions, there’s a right way and a wrong way, and while they are friendly & focused on fairness, they can also be straight to the point and almost cutting with how they communicate with others. Just the facts, and they use that sword to cut off what doesn’t serve them or isn’t useful or necessary, information included, they can seem quite unemotional, even cold.

With The Founder, this is also someone very responsible and in charge of something. I’m getting a boss at work, a landlord, a parent, possibly a father in-law or someone in your person/spouse’s family, or this can be an ex-spouse/co-parent of yours or your person’s. They’re involved but also removed from your immediate situation or relationship, yet they still hover in your energy as a means of comparison or not living up to some standard set before. You or your person may split child custody with this ex, so their input is always involved, even if/when it’s not wanted.

You see them as 5 Swords, cruel, instigative, always out to prove a point or put someone down, or your methods perhaps. Queen & King of Pentacles are here, for those in relationships or where this is family or an ex, showing this is your person and you match up in energy. But you can’t shake this other person. They could be jealous of your relationship, how you do things, where you live, or they try to one-up you and show you that they can do it better than you can. They could purposely be difficult with custody to inconvenience you or your person where baby-sitting is concerned, they’re someone that tries to sabotage in order to prove a point, and a lot of this could be regarding money or value, comparing yours & mine. It’s all regarding feelings for this Queen of Pentacles, you or your person, whether romantic or family, whoever they are, this King shows their hurt by being an asshole. Is that okay, no, but that’s what I get from them.

For work/home situations, they’re just very difficult to deal with. They may sabotage you in these ways, not putting work into their property (that you live on) so that you’re forced to leave (or want to). Not giving you the right hours or pay, treating you like less deserving of something you’ve worked hard for. They could be condescending about your work, where you/your person works, and what you have or don’t have. Or them just being them brings out these sorts of inadequate feelings in you, and it’s your issue more than theirs. Comparing what kind of worker, lover, parent, or how intelligent you are. No matter who this is, they’re involved in a stable situation you can’t just pick up and leave. It’s possible this is someone that’s forced you out of a job, a home, a relationship even, and you’re on the outside looking in, having to trudge through the mud while this person sits on a throne…in your mind. They feel like they’re right, and this again could be a judge, some level of authority, and you’re left battling their decisions/actions either privately or because you’ve been forced to by their own bs. Or your perception of it, this can be someone that just triggers your own issues too…knowingly, for some, especially if a boss or some kind of father figure.

It could be your person that’s the problem too, if they’re the ones constantly comparing the two of you or bringing them up. “Well Swords did it that way, and Swords thinks xyz, etc.,” which makes it incredibly difficult for you to be your own person with your own methods, we should be discussing what Pentacles thinks and does ok fk Swords 💯 You could wonder if you’re even cut out for this, this person really weighs on your self esteem, they’re the 3rd energy in a situation/relationship for two.

There’s a small story here about a possible financial advisor that’s giving you hell as well. You may not have the money for something and they’re crushing your dreams with matter-of-fact speak regarding credit, savings, purchases, things you’ve found very difficult or are really trying to overcome. You could feel like they rub your face in shame, but I don’t get that they do, or don’t mean to. Or that’s their job? Something about them makes you feel crazy.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

7 Pentacles & Ace of Wands

Bottom of the deck shows to maintain your self control and your anger, give yourself the time and space you need to calm down, because sometimes the reality of the situation may not be how you’re seeing it in the moment. You could jump to conclusions or have a bit of a temper with this person, and I get a lot of it are your own insecurities. Your person needs to be on your side too, if that’s an issue, or at least play mediator, they’re really the one that has to deal with them, not you (for many of you). Let them handle it. I get hopeful energy, sometimes this will really piss you off, and other times it won’t seem so bad, try to assume nothing and allow yourself & this person the space they need to grow and change. Basically, just be respectful, and if they’re not, show them how it’s done ❤️ For many of you this is unavoidable, and it’s also like you’re loosely on the same team, better to cooperate. Some of you just need to save money, apply elsewhere, move possibly, and otherwise give things time to grow before acting on change. For many of you, boundaries could be necessary depending on what this person is doing to sabotage or affect an environment or relationship. They’re allowed to (and do, being Swords), and you’re allowed to as well 💯

Pile 2 - Potions 🧪

Living or Passed?: Both - Two Stories

Character Oracle: The Thief

Who they are: The Sun, 2 Swords rev, Knight of Swords & The World

Why: 9 Pentacles, Ace of Swords & 6 Swords

Oracles: POKER FACE ♦️

- Taking a Chance

- Risks & Options

- Not Showing Hand

- Gambling

33 - Perfectionism

Be content to know perfection as a distant utopian goal to which we journey but never arrive.

22 - Counsel

Seek out the counsel of those whose lives and creative work you most admire.

75 - Originality

Feel lighthearted and free while trusting that your unique way of doing things is the right way.

These PACs never fail to amaze me. This whole pile is Spirit giving you a round of applause for how you’ve already handled a situation, because it’s done, and you don’t have to worry about them anymore.

The first story is regarding an actual spirit/ghost/poltergeist or what have you. The troublesome & meddlesome kind too. I don’t get “dark”, just tricky, problematic. Only take it if you know you’ve dealt with one, this is simply confirmation & validation for your experience. I’m specifically getting a spirit that liked to take things, or move them, maybe break them. It’s possible they were a child, doesn’t have to be, they liked to mess with you. Always when you were alone, that’s here under “why” they chose you, you were the one in a light 💡 energy, you were alone, and they liked you. Something about you drew them in, where with others they were pretty avoidant or even shy. I get you probably having done some research, and telling this spirit where to go. It’s possible you called in someone who does this for a living, a medium, priest, something like that. Or you did it yourself, and again, they liked you. Whatever you did, it worked, they’ve moved on to the light 💡and won’t bother you again 💚

The second story is for someone alive, a trickster, possibly a gambler or someone that likes to take risks and/or possibly use others for their gain in some way. You are already aware of this person and all of the bs that comes with them, you’ve already told them where to go and have ended the connection. For some, it’s possible this is a parent, or a child, maybe someone you knew as a child. You could have gone to counseling regarding things this person has done, or how they’ve affected you. You have moved on, and have done the right thing. I do sense possible hurt here for a lot of you, in the way you saw the world and how it was/should be - before and after this person. They’ve changed your perspective in many ways, probably negative ways. How a parent “should” be. Or trying to guide a child/friend/etc. that won’t listen and heads down the wrong paths. This person is only out for themselves, and you’ve had to remove yourself from this, which was probably very difficult for you. There is an energy here of forgiveness, them, their actions, yourself, needing to for your own sake. Gain your clarity & allow yourself to move on from this, I see nothing but happiness for you now & moving forward ☀️

3333 is here with Perfectionism, The Sun and The World, showing a shady character is not comfortable in the light - which is you, and they had to leave that behind. You make this person feel uncomfortable, and their darkness stares them in the face around you. This is not your problem, they’re fighting their own demons, or they prefer their own demons.

222 is here with making the decision to seek Counsel, could be counseling, rehab, you may have had to cut someone off until they get help, or need to now. Either way there is someone important that could be or needs to be involved with this, but it’s not your place to.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻: You’ve got this, for many, it’s already handled 💯

For those of you who have not yet handled this, removing yourself is the best thing for you, and you need to only worry about you. Same as this person only worries about them. You may have some ideal they should’ve lived up to, and they should have, *they* probably know that too, but that’s not who they are. If this person left one day and never came back, or you did, I’m getting it’s for your highest good. Are they bad, no. But they’re not good for you, that’s what’s important for you to know, and then Originality points out how wonderful you really are. If this situation runs deeper than even I see, Counsel is here for a reason, it could be good to talk to someone with an outside perspective to help you work through some of these possible traumas. Not that anything is wrong with you, you just owe it to yourself to honor your own experiences and sort through your feelings with someone that is an expert at these things. Some of you have already done this and Spirit is applauding everything you’ve done to deal with this, you’ve done an amazing job 👏

Pile 3 - Window 🪟

Living or Passed?: Living

Character Oracle: The Pathless

Who they are: 8 Pentacles, Queen of Cups, Knight of Wands, 4 Swords rev

Why: The Sun, Ace of Wands, The Magician, 3 Swords

Oracles: KARMIC RELATIONSHIP 🪢

- Resentments & Triggers

- Perception

- Intensity & Letting Go

- Turmoil & Fleeting

4 - Recycle

Learn from the past and apply it to creating your vision of the future.

51 - Time

Time can be seen to be both linear and a spiral - circle back to explore concepts form the past and create the future.

444 on the clock as I begin this reading, two 4’s in your reading as well, this message is about learning from the past in order to create stable relationships in the present, healing yourself from old hurts. Both oracles show past energy, I’m getting you’ve either moved on from this person or they’ve left and you’re needing to. They don’t have great energy 😕

I’ve gotten a few messages showing feminine energy specifically, doesn’t have to be romantic to be karmic, but for some of you this is definitely romantic. It can be any kind of connection, but tough lessons were learned from this person. You loved them. Some of you still do, and always will. I’m getting it’s been very difficult to move on from them, for those that already have. This is the kind of person with no direction, no goals, no real definition of anything in their life. There could be a noticeable age difference between you, or they’re the kind of person who IS an adult, but will always have a rebellious & spontaneous teenage sort of energy. They’re exciting, they make you feel good, happy, ready to take on the world. And then they let you down, disappear, date other people, cheat, hop from situation to situation, person to person, in the hopes that the next one will give them the sense of direction they’re looking for. This one will have purpose. This one is the right one.

But it’s never the one, and they come and go in and out of your life, and probably countless others as well. I get that you’re angry with this person, you want to hold them accountable, and they’re a dodger in nature. They dodge accountability, responsibility, maturity, rules, this person has an answer for everything and none of those answers actually make sense. Yet it works for them, and they know how to craft a reality around them to suit them, for the time being. Until they change again. This could be someone promiscuous in anything, partners, hopping from job to job, moving from place to place, and there’s always some drama attached to them, something they’re running from. They may have simply left you.

I’m also getting you could have done this to them or other people, because of the heavy past energy, and there’s one person in particular that you regret hurting, and they’re haunting you for that reason if that’s the case. Someone was very sexual, spontaneous, rushed into things and created painful situations, that’s the focus. But I’m getting it’s more than that too, that was just one representation of a much deeper issue where this person was/is concerned, and it’s the lack of direction, boundaries, and dreams that causes this sort of personality to dominate their energy. They siphon off of other people’s energy, other people’s goals & dreams, being appealing, sweet, kind & loving and using it to their advantage. They are all of those things, that’s why it works for them. They’re also non-committal and a restless sort of person, I’m getting they’re “too far gone” with this sort of energy, nothing can change them but God, karma, themselves, the consequences of their actions, time, etc. Not you. If it was you, no one could have changed this, not even you at the time.

For a small part of you, this could be a person that literally changed a job of yours, you could’ve lost a job or they did, you could’ve moved or traveled in regards to work or they did. Work is part of the loss, along with them. Or money. For most of you this just shows something you’ve struggled with for a long time, actually letting go of this person/situation. Or they have.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

Wheel of Fortune, The Hanged Man & The Hierophant

All major arcanas, all very intense energy, this is a whole life lesson for this person. Karma, and this is a karmic, you’re the lesson that showed them what they’re doing and have done to people they care about. What losing people costs them. What acting on passion or spontaneity (or anger) does to relationships. This message shows the only thing that will teach them is time, time brings perspective on commitment, marriage, religion for some, karma for sure. They will “get theirs”. I also get your own perspective changing with time too, karmic relationships have two sides, two lessons, both of you were meant to meet and experience each other for a purpose. For those that have not already moved away from this, even just emotionally, now is the time to learn it, feel it, and let it go. It’s out of your hands 🙏

Pile 4 - Bouquet 💐

Living or Passed?: Living

Character Oracle: The Shepherd

Who they are: The Fool, 5 Swords, 6 Wands, The Hermit & 10 Swords

Why: 5 Wands, 9 Swords rev & Ace of Swords

Oracles: ASCENDING 🎈

- Learning & Expansion

- Transcending

- Preparing for Union

- New Phase

78 - Recharge

When the pace of life becomes too hectic, know to slow down, be mindful, and go with the flow.

5 - Pitch

Be as clear, concise, and professional as you can be when you explain your ideas to potential associates.

45 - Collaboration

Creative people can be inspired by sharing and stimulating creativity in others.

I’m not pulling out signs here but the fire 🔥 is intense with this pile. There is a lot of conflict with what looks like a pair, a couple, probably parents or grandparents being the most obvious story here. If they aren’t fire signs, then they’re fiery in nature, could have hot tempers and are used to getting their way. If anything, I’m getting you could be too much alike 💯 How this ended initially was a nasty conflict and big-headed egos, you/they are right and the other person is wrong, stick it to them, sort of energy. This had to do with you doing what you want, not what they want. Periodttt. You were glad to leave this, glad to be alone, glad to do wtf you want to do.

I’m getting it worked for you too! Maybe not entirely, but for the most part you’ve succeeded and ascended spiritually, you just keep on rising higher. This could all be switched as well, and you’re watching another person/people rise in their lives, without you. Some of you chased after a goal that crashed and burned terribly, and are now considering a “walk of shame” back to parents or something. You could need them. I do get this being family for the most part, could be a friend/s as well. It doesn’t have to be a couple, that’s just here for where it does apply, 3 Pentacles too. Two people, and you, probably parents. In like…one case, it could be romantic, and you’re haunted over whether someone cheated on you or not, and I get no. The Wands are naturally very flirty, is that okay idk depends on you, but it shows the Death of this occurring before they met the other person. It also answers the question of a reconnect, they’re with someone else now. If there was a known issue in a romantic connection, it’s like something got flirty, someone got pissed off (you?), and it ended immediately after that. No Moon energy, no secrets, no hidden anything beyond that.

You’re conflicted inside on whether or not you could heal this connection, and work together again. Be friends again. Be close again. Come to holiday dinners again. I’m getting you don’t talk much if at all. More specifically, there’s something they have that you want, could be regarding a career or some kind of teamwork collaboration, but I don’t get you literally working together. You need someone’s help, or they could need yours, but you feel like this bridge has been burned, and are afraid of Ace of Swords, clear cut truth & communication, being cut off, or rejected. Or having to again. Except for the ex moving on story, if so it’s not hidden, I don’t see any reason why this can’t be healed, except things like pride…shame…guilt, big egos are at play in all of you. It’s like it runs in the family or something 😜 I’m also getting this feeling that you haven’t done anything this person hasn’t done as well, there is some kind of equal ground or understanding between you. The Shepherd protects its “family” and I get that what this is, is a family, people that look out for you, did, want to, or could, and it’s up to you where/how this goes if it goes.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

Queen & King of Wands, 3 Pentacles

Just ask. Be clear, honest, Ace of Swords, no tricks or avoidance, games or bs just be truthful about what’s happened, how you are, what you want, etc., and give this person/people the benefit of the doubt. It feels really positive to try mending these fences, like all of you can rise to another level of understanding with each other and feel good about it.

Pile 5 - Hades ☠️

Living or Passed?: Both - 2 Stories

Character Oracle: The Spymaster

Who they are: 10 Pentacles, 6 Swords, The Tower, 4 Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles, 8 Swords

Why: 6 Wands, 9 Cups, Temperance

Oracles: THE DRAGONFLY 🪽

- Light-hearted & Adapt

- Finding Out & Change

- Things Coming to Light & Heal

72 - Nature

Go out in Nature as much as you can, for it’s pure creativity can teach you everything you need to know.

39 - Direction

Switch gears, reboot, and try a new and different direction.

66 - New Start

Sometimes we must realize that what we have done needs to be discarded and we must make a new start.

We’ll start with the living energy first, there are slight variations that separate them into two stories, one being your own actions, the other being someone else’s. Either you stalk them, or they stalk you, this is someone that watches you closely with everything you do. To the point of obsession even. Or you do. There is heavy earth energy here, you/they could reflect that, or the issues here have a lot to do with money, success, and material things. A business. An inheritance. Your career. Or just greed in the sense of no one giving a damn. No one helping you out, financially or otherwise, there is no team effort from a whole group of people. For many, this is your family that you feel victimized by. For others this could be someone that ran out on you (maybe a whole family) and left you to fend for yourself, carrying the bag and everything else on your own shoulders, with no help. Possibly being a single parent, unexpectedly, having the rug pulled out from under your feet and you had no choice but to be strong enough to hold it together, for a group, a business perhaps (or kids). Or you could have done this to them.

This person, or you, the wrong one, is trying to make a comeback into this situation, or wants to, because they see how well things are going for you. It could be you too, there’s a message about playing the victim and trying to gain sympathy, for money, expecting that from others…not helping yourself, just blaming everyone else for your problems. Or that’s them. It’s not the main story, but it’s here as a side note, 8 Swords is either trapped unwillingly, or keeps themselves trapped on purpose, both are possible. There are cases where you or this person were actually put into very difficult & painful situations and just left there with no care or help from anyone around you. Those that left, or you had to leave, haunt you, mostly due to deeply rooted negative perceptions and grudges you still carry, or you know they do.

If they are trying to come back around, it’s because you’re successful now, your dreams have come true, you’ve risen above The Tower and pulled yourself through the mud and the darkness to get where you are today. You could be doing quite well for yourself. And these people just expect a seat at your table? Or you expect a seat at theirs? I don’t think so. The skepticism is healthy, and the distrust makes sense, no matter which side it’s coming from. What are people’s real intentions?

There is a small side story about maybe a coworker or a family member that was in the same business as you, same kind of job, and it’s like they left this behind and succeeded elsewhere, and you didn’t. Or you left, they stayed and took it very far, dreams come true, hard work rewarded, and you’re like damn…that could’ve been me.

There is also a passed loved one story, likely a family member, that watches over you all of the time. They even come up as Temperance, which is always shown as an Angel 😇, they could be a Spirit guide of yours or are just part of your spiritual team, they’re always with you. The Tower may show how they passed on, something quick, unexpected, and very upsetting. Someone you wanted to hold onto, or they wanted to hold on to you. Or maybe your parent, if a grandparent. There could’ve been an inheritance issue with this person, they could have been seen as greedy, or may have been left to their own devices. The outcast of the family, the single parent, possibly an earth sign, they did everything on their own, because they had no choice. Or when they passed on, they left you in that state, and it was out of their control 🙏

For the passed on story, I’m getting a clear message about animals, could be dragonflies, crows & birds, I have those both here. Nature is generally showing anything you see outside that acts peculiar towards you, strangely friendly and such. They send those critters to you, and many say that Spirits often like to use animals as a sign they’re with you. There’s also a note here about whatever you’re doing, needing to switch tracks and do something else, or if you already have, you’re being applauded for that. Some of you started from near nothing and have gone far, they’re cheering for you 👏 Some are encouraging you to do this, if it’s something you’re dealing with now. It’s really a feeling of validation and pride, they’re proud of you for how far you’ve come, and making a dream of yours come true. I’m getting them being with you every step of the way, for all of your life going forward too.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻: For the living

Ace of Pentacles & The Hanged Man

In simplest terms, you may need to take this opportunity to look at things from another perspective, especially in terms of money and the motives of other people, yourself included. Is everyone judging everyone based on some bs sense of worth - via money & material things or are others out to take what’s yours, or vice versa? Is there even money to spread around like that, or like is expected, because I get a sense that there isn’t. In all stories there is a confusion in how you’re seeing money and how that’s a value to you or other people, it’s something you need to see differently than you do currently. What even is value, to you? People that “flex” what they have could really bother you, but it’s like IS it what they’re spending on? Or is it the family around them? Or in some cases the family they left behind, staring at them through the window of the internet & life like wtf…any side could be you, there is no *one* energy strongest in this pile.

Pile 6 - The Babadook 🎩

Living or Passed?: Could be either

Character Oracle: The Brawler

Who they are: 10 Swords, The Empress, 8 Swords, The Hierophant & 10 Cups

Why: The Emperor & 9 Wands

Oracles: ASCENDING 🎈

- Learning & Expansion

- Transcending

- Preparing for Union

- New Phase

50 - Sacred Space

Use beautiful art, music, and creativity if all kinds to put you into a sacred space.

57 - Worry

Worry is attachment to a particular outcome and the fear that it will not come to pass.

This is the most clear reading by far I’ve gotten, the most obvious answer is a parent, or a dynamic between parents. Particularly a mother. For some, your mother may have passed on and your father is a mess over it, it’s like you lost both people the same day, in many ways. Your relationship with one parent isn’t the same after the other one passes on, which is especially difficult for you as children if that’s the case. Sending you lots of love. That won’t be for everyone.

A father figure could be particularly aggressive with this Brawler card here, this is someone that is always fighting, a “tough guy” mentality, like they dare you to go against them. Doesn’t have to be a father either, it could be the mother too. Or a spouse, an ex-spouse, an ex in general, someone destructive, mouthy, you have to walk on eggshells around them. I get a clear narcissist energy from the Brawler card - lacking empathy, and for any of you that have dealt with that traumatic psychological mindfuck, I see you, you’re included. Parent or not, these don’t have to be parents, they’re just here. Marriage & spouses are clearly highlighted too. This could be your situation, your parents, or even a friend that’s married to an asshole and you can’t get them out of your head, it haunts you, because you’re powerless, and they are too it looks like.

Some of you may have literally lost people to a tragedy of some sort involving domestic violence or something very painful like that, maybe blaming the other person involved for what’s happened. In the worst case I can see, one parent may have hurt you, and the other just stood by quietly, or didn’t believe you, they didn’t do shit about it when they should have. It could be switched in any of these cases but I’m not getting that specifically, I’m talking to a hurt person, not the problem. Someone may have hurt you like this, could be close to you, could be a complete stranger. Cases of violence and harm on any level are included. It also doesn’t have to be that serious. This can include step-parents that maybe pulled your own away from you, or that’s how you feel. It can be a co-dependent relationship of some kind, and feeling powerless to do anything about difficult situations in this dynamic of chains - that’s what I’m getting from this whole pile. Someone is in chains, could be you, could be someone else, but it stays with you at all times.

Some of you have freed yourself from a bad situation, but someone else is still there, could be kids, parents, whoever, and you constantly worry about them. You could’ve been left by one parent and the other one is a mess, and you can’t get out of this because they’re emotionally dependent on you. You could’ve been forced to grow up very young because those around you weren’t equipped to deal with reality, like you were the adult here, and you were idk 8 years old. If anyone harmed you as a child, especially in any way regarding violence, or any level of abuse, this is describing them.

You want to grow from this, escape this, want to be better and set better examples for those around you. You could have children of your own, and are haunted by shitty parents, wanting to be better for your own kids, make better decisions that others never did for you or gave to you. You want people around you to guide you and show you the way, or you want to be this person yourself, maybe both. The family you never had, or maybe did have at one time, and something terrible happened to change all of that. It’s like the memories of happiness and a happily ever after are what haunt you. If a spouse, you’re tempted to make it work, even if this is someone you’re cautious about or around. Or you were, and you tried. If a spouse it’s like this person never stops trying and “haunting” can be more like “stalking” because they will literally never leave you alone 💯 My heart goes out to all of you.

The tamest story I’m seeing is a person that wants to follow their dreams, maybe go to school for a specific thing or do things in a way they feel is right, and in order to do this they would have to fight. Or have already fought someone, that they miss and want to reconcile with, but aren’t sure that they can. In this story, you’re happy, it’s others with the problem. No matter what your story is, or who is involved, boundaries seems to have been the lesson here, keeping people behind a wall out of caution of what they will or could do to you, and I don’t get that’s wrong, that’s learned. It’s a trauma response.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

Temperance, 2 Swords & Queen of Cups

For those thinking of making amends, that’s here as a possibility. You could. Don’t have to. I’m getting more than anything that worrying about what will or won’t happen is not useful for you, like you have no control over this. For some that’s the whole problem. I don’t get any one answer because there isn’t one story, no right or wrong way to do or handle any of this. Your advice is to take care of yourself, your heart, your space, give all of the love to you that you would another person. And be very patient with yourself, how you process things, because I get a lot of fear and indecision that’s not helpful to you. It’s really just “take as long as you need”, some of you are dealing with or have dealt with some serious trauma, and you can’t be expected to heal, overcome, “deal with it” or any other mindless bs advice in one day, week, year, five years, doesn’t matter because everyone is different. You focus on you 💯 Love you 💯 Worry about you ❤️ If you want to reconcile with people or not, I don’t get any answer you coming up with being right or wrong, it’s about doing what you feel is best. Ascending 🎈 If this is a person that has passed on, it’s a similar message, with “I love you” attached - Queen of Cups.

Pile 7 - Sinkhole 🕳️

Living or Passed?: Both - 3 Stories

Character Oracle: The Sentinel

Who they are: 5 Cups, Page of Swords, Page of Pentacles, Temperance & The Devil

Why: Queen of Cups, Ace of Cups, 4 Cups & 4 Pentacles

Oracles: DEATH ☠️

- The Relationship is Over

- No Second Chances

- Grow & Transform

- What’s Dead is Dead

36 - Generosity

You can afford to be generous with the gift of your time and attention.

3 - Share

To help you make progress, it’s a good idea to share what you have and what you care about.

Story 1 is about a literal entity, and you’ll know if this is you, because you already expected it, you’re aware of the things going on around you, they make themselves known. Are chatty even, you could have heard actual talking, have seen messages or are receiving them regularly. I almost get an “attachment”, like they are attached TO you. Stuck to you, holding on, it’s possible they’ve even followed you from another place. Are they still with you, yes. I keep getting “they”, and I see two Pages here, there are two of them. It’s possible they’re children, or just young, and it’s likely they’re together. Siblings, friends, I’m not sure but they come together with you as a pair. I don’t get a negative vibe from them, I get a very sad one. Why they latch onto you, because you’re a loving person, almost like a mother or a parent they don’t have and want. You could have living children around and they want to be one of them, they don’t want to “go away”. I get that they don’t know what “away” means, or how to get there, or what comes after, they’d rather be with you. For others with an entity, same energy but not a child, just chatty, noisy, they make it known.

Story 2 are for those who have lost children, or even friends & family while young yourself, people you’ve lost in childhood, or over the years, even if they’re still alive right now. You grieve what’s been lost, and the sadness weighs on your heart like a weight that never leaves. I’m getting you are a very deep, loving, and nurturing sort of person, this could also be their energy for some of you. It stays with you because of how much you loved them, and wanted them to stay, so you hold on tightly to your memories and what you still have of them…but those memories are being tainted with the amount of grief they bring you at the same time. It’s like you feel guilty if you’re too happy. There is no winning in this situation, and I’m sending you so, so much love.

Story 3 is for romantic heartbreak, having been betrayed by some ex lover. It could be the lover themselves or someone they moved on with, things they’ve said and done to you. There’s a lack of closure with this, and it keeps you sad, you want to know why things happened the way they did, what they were planning, how this even happened, how you missed something. It’s caused a lack of trust in you that’s still not been overcome, it’s like it didn’t have to be this way. Essentially, your heart is wanting to ask a snake 🐍 why it bit you. You loved this person deeply, genuinely, and were very kind & loving to them. It’s possible they were this way to you and played you for a fool, you feel that way. Your pride is wounded, and they hurt you very deeply by treating you as someone that could just be replaced, when you gave them nothing but unconditional, pure love. You hang onto this and them tightly, forever holding a grudge, forever upset that this ever happened.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

For the actual spirits, I’m getting that you’re going to have to be a little manipulative in how you handle this. Talk up “the light” and why they should go towards it. Their family is there, friends are there, it’s a beautiful place with the most amazing scenery and everything they could ever want, this place is no good. Someone can actually hug them and talk to them over there. Essentially selling them what they want, is the best tactic to getting them off of you, at least the ones I’m picking up on.

For the other stories where your own heart is centered on grief, heavy sadness, remorse, regrets, heartbreak, the advice is to “see the light” yourself. Your family, your friends, what you have right now, and how far you’ve come. Be proud of yourself. You could be needing to see people more, or spend time with loved ones and friends more. You can honor sadness and still make time for happiness, gratitude, deep connections with other people, seeing how things maybe worked out for the best - in some cases, not all 💯 I’m getting group energy, if grief is your main focus and you’ve lost someone, this can be a community drive or a cancer 5k run or something to honor your lost ones in a way you actually can. Planting a tree, donating something nice to a park, adopting a road, there are many different avenues to remember people, and they’ll see that, they’ll know. There’s no need to feel guilty or conflicted for feeling happy today, your loved ones on the other side want you to be, and they are too. They miss you too, and they’ll see you soon…to them, it’s soon. In the meantime, they’re always with you, always, and they like to be honored in special ways, thought of and celebrated like they’re still here, because they are, just in another way. For those who have lost loved ones, I’m getting they too are chatty, they send you messages and signs often, and if you think you’re just crazy, you’re not. Talk to them, ask for signs & they’ll show you however they can. You could also try contacting a medium of some kind to actually talk with them, if that’s something you’d like to try, again I get “chatty”, like they’d love to show up for you.

For some of you, the advice is simply, if you miss them then tell them, call them, where that’s possible. For the ex story I’m getting you’ve already come a long way, or you will eventually get to a point where things are so good you wouldn’t change them, and if you’re not there yet just keep moving forward ❤️

Pile 8 - Siren 🧜‍♀️

Living or Passed?: Probably still alive

Character Oracle: The Puppeteer & The Aspirant

Who they are: Wheel of Fortune, 4 Pentacles, The Devil, 6 Swords, The Hanged Man

Why: 6 Pentacles, 2 Wands, Queen of Cups

Oracles: THE RUNNER 🏃‍♂️

- Fear of Intimacy

- Running Away

- Intensity & Letting Go

- Turmoil & Fleeting

54 - Visualize

When we develop our abilities to visualize, we can manifest maximum influence on our experience of reality.

43 - Change

For a change, do something you usually do a certain way in a different way.

80 - Go Deeper

Expressing the deeper meanings in life, while staying attuned to childlike wonder, is at the heart of all great art.

This is probably going to be the most popular pile, because I’ve pulled two character cards and the energy is very vague and general, meaning many people will resonate with it. This is the “loved and lost” pile, Twin Flame, karmic relationships, doesn’t have to be but they’re all included. It can be a parent that ran off, a friend, cousin, someone you looked up to. They can be anyone. And it is not only those who have been left, but those who run.

Most of these people are still alive, not all perhaps, but I’m getting there are no spirits haunting anyone here, even if that’s the case. It’s memories & love that haunt you. The character cards show the two sides of a Twin Flame, that’s the easiest way to describe this dynamic and split the stories - even if that’s not exactly your story, the feelings are the same.

Story 1 - The Left Behind

It’s a spiritual connection, karmic in nature, so the pull between you is intense. It’s like they know you, they read you, they can understand what you’re thinking and feeling before even you do. They may have manipulated you, tricked you, you could have felt bamboozled and lost when this person just left, because it felt so REAL. It was intense, and everything inside of you *knows* this person was meant to be your person, or in your life, there’s a thread connecting you…but they ran off. How can a person just DO that? You can’t just leave, and you haven’t. Some of you have been tied to this person for a long time, holding on a little longer, forever waiting for them to grow up, see sense, see the light, realize you’re worth it.

Why, because this person gave you a sense of meaning that runs deeper than most other people in your life. All spiritual ties feel this intense, you just know, and you don’t know how you know but you do. You could still see synchronicities that remind you of them - even when you don’t want to, you try to force them out of your head, and then you dream about them and it starts all over again. You’re never going to be able to actually let this person go, but you do need to change your side of things, so that this doesn’t remain so strong. It’s Devil energy currently, keeping you trapped, you feel like you can’t escape it. Some of you could feel used, and discarded, and similar to the last pile, want to ask a snake 🐍 why it bit you. The answer won’t make you feel better, and for many of you, it’s why they never returned. And if you love them anyway, they can’t respect you for that, because a snake knows it’s a snake, and they’d likely do it again 💯 But you may not know how to continue on without them, and that’s the whole lesson of this very deep soul connection. They’ve changed your whole life, now you have to, on your own.

Story 2 - The Runner

The Aspirant is your character card, it’s the eager to run, eager to rush into new experiences, try on different faces in different places with different people, and make mistakes, but being afraid to face them once that’s happened. You’ve probably had a life full of all sorts of experiences and connections, many stories to tell anyone who’d like to listen, and many of them which didn’t run that deep, most things probably don’t with you. Life is life and it’s for living. Deep is something that feels like entrapment, it’s good in the moment but who you are is not built for what’s required of taking something “deep” all the way. It’s not comfortable, not FUN, it’s not for you. There is too much out there to see, do, be, and explore. Too many potential lovers to meet, too many different jobs to try your hand at, you’re not the person to want to stay put…forever. That’s daunting. There could be many reasons why, you all probably have all sorts of personal philosophies and beliefs on why “staying put” is not for you, and they’re not wrong, that’s you. Wheel of Fortune, you’re meant to be this way, because you’re meant to learn whatever it is you’re learning through all of this, it’s brought as much joy as it has any sorrow.

There is one particular person though, that sticks with you no matter where you go, you can’t outrun them, the feelings, the guilt, the longing in some cases. Maybe even the obsession, either you or them. You keep running and they constantly follow you, in dreams, even if you haven’t spoken in years. Time works funny in a karmic/Twin relationship. Time works funny on the other side, like it doesn’t really exist, and neither does it in these intense connections. It does and it doesn’t. They’re put here to make you feel the way you feel, because face it, no one else could. There’s something about *them* that was real, genuine, the depth of this connection came to you naturally, and it moved quickly. If it was intimate, it felt like your soul was on fire. It scared you. If it was family, you felt like you *were* this person, the connection was like two same people, they understood and loved you like no one else could. You probably didn’t know that then.

Your people are probably still alive, not all, but you can’t go back. If they’ve passed on, that’s probably what triggered a spiritual awakening of sorts, because runners don’t usually watch tarot readings or believe in…much. The 3D, what’s in front of them, LIFE IS FOR LIVING, you pave your own way etc etc, not analyzing karmic lessons, that’s boring 🤪 with beliefs & nonsense right, what a headache and it’s depressing af, too much, that’s likely not your cup of tea. Or it was at one time, and you’re not alone. I’ve met way more people like this than the other way 💯

Why you’re haunted, because of love. Same as the first story, there was a purpose with some person, a direction you never felt you really had, they gave you meaning, definition, you felt like you knew who you were when you were with them. Or who you wanted to be. Some of this may have been hopeful projection, not who *you* really are, because you ended up leaving this behind. Or was it? You always question what if. Something made you leave, and The Wheel of Fortune shows things being destined, karmic, outside of your control (or theirs). Could’ve been another person, an opportunity, a job, moving away while young, a death in some cases. Life was life-ing, some of you chose to walk and others had no choice. It was your path to do whatever you did, for whatever reason you did it, especially in this connection. Many things are free will, and some things are soul-level lessons, orchestrated by things outside of us, and those feel the most intense, they’re the soul connections. Like this one, whoever they are. Is it your fault? Depends on your own story. Some yes, some no, and some “you couldn’t have known”. Shocking you was the point, they were the jolt.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

9 Pentacles, 4 Swords, 5 Pentacles & Ace of Wands

I don’t get a reconcile energy from either of you, 9 Pentacles is happily independent, with or without a person, and that’s what you’re needing to achieve within yourself. Healing from whatever has happened. Healing any abandonment issues that came with it. Releasing it entirely, because for many of you, control is not a factor - you have none. It either is or it isn’t, and it’s not up to you with whoever this is. Whether or not it’s Twin Flame doesn’t seem to matter, because it’s the same advice.

Assume they’re not coming back. Ever. You have to worry about yourself, live for yourself, do what you want to do and express your soul’s purpose in whatever way that is for you, this person is not a factor in that. They may have started the story, but then made their exit, and it’s up to you to continue it, change it, mold it, surprise us, and come up with your own ending. Be free of them. Will you still think of them, dream of them, sure, especially Twins. Whoever they are IS a soul tie, you’re not crazy. Many are just lessons. It was meant to be this DEEP and intense, meant to start a fire in you that doesn’t die, but it needs to be redirected.

Ace of Wands shows you needing to feel passion for other things, head off in other directions, feel joy and inspiration from new experiences. Pretend they never happened, what would you do now? Who are you now? Who do you want to be, what would that person do? What makes you feel ALIVE, by yourself, because it feels good, it’s for you, your whole soul resonates with this thing? And then do that. Could be music could be gardening could be work, whatever makes you feel like *you*. You won’t forget them, but for awhile you should probably try to, on purpose, and have faith that whatever you do or whoever you end up with, it’s the right thing for you. This person filled you with purpose and love, now they’re unconsciously keeping you chained away from purpose, and love ❤️

———————————

P.S. After finishing

That was intense. I was thinking Halloween fun and maybe some actual demons let’s do this, when I first had the idea, and what I got was…real shit. Things that hit our core. Things we’ve held onto a long time. I’m both surprised, and not. I’m sending you all love & hugs, we’ve all got demons, just not the kind that pop up in the mirror and say BOO 👻 Though a couple could. You never know.

Happy Halloween! And thank you for being a part of my intense/funny little tarot corner of the interwebs. I appreciate & love you all, and I’m cheering on everyone to win 🏆 at everything they want to win at along their soul’s journey 🥰 Thank you!

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Prepare for a reckoning as this team handles explosive mutant-specific issues without restraint. Humanity can hate them all they want, as long as they fear them!

WISE

I'm glad Cyclops has the correct view when it comes to humans and we're not going back to the crap about mutantkind trying to be friends with humanity and "Fit in" in this book

I'm still not 100% sold on the new era but I'm glad at the least that this series is going to be about Cyclops and his team putting Mutantkind first above all other concerns and taking down human threats to Mutantkind

Hopefully using lethal force as the whole situation with ORCHIS has, I hope, taught Mutantkind that it's a mistake to allow any human who is anti-mutant live

I might add this one to my pull list alongside X-Force, NYX and Exceptional X-men depending on how it goes

This definitely sounds a lot more interesting than Uncanny X-men to me since it sounds like Uncanny is going back to the crap about "Protecting a world that hates and fears them" and like...I don't remotely understand why any mutant would do a single fucking thing to "protect" humanity in the Marvel universe at this point.

I know I certainly wouldn't. I mean hell, I wouldn't protect humanity in general in the Marvel universe even if I was still human in it

[brightatmidnight]

It's Finally Here! The Crew Journal Update for The Chaser's Voyage (Version 0.6.0.06) is Now Live!

Thanks for waiting everyone! As the title says, the Crew Journal Update for The Chaser's Voyage is FINALLY live! A lot of things delayed our work in real life, but we managed to hunker down and finish what I consider to be the biggest update to The Chaser's Voyage since we first launched on Early Access.

The main screen of the Crew Journal, with the default entries unlocked. Will you unlock them all?

For those who haven't heard about it yet, the Crew Journal is a collection of written in-universe lore that the crew uncovers and comments on while you play the game. There are over 300 entries in it, short ones for each planet, and a bunch of longer ones covering a wide range of topics: gameplay tips, galactic news of the war, species you encounter, and even silly junk mail. There's a short novel's worth of lore now in the game for players to unlock!  The Crew Journal is the players' window into the larger story of The Chaser's Voyage universe and we are so excited to finally be releasing it.

Ironically this is the first entry unlocked!

Alongside learning about the greater universe through your crew's eyes, you will also learn more about your crew mates' pasts! My favorite part of the journal is the crew's comments at the end of each entry. The journal has gone through many edits (both writing and UI) and we hope you enjoy it! You can access the journal through the main menu, pause screen, and mid jump screen. It will even tell you if you have a new entry every time you jump, so you can take a breather in between encounters and read the latest that your crew has to say.

This button's finally active?! It's a miracle!

Alongside adding the Crew Journal we also changed how the crew's voice lines are selected. They will now cycle randomly through all of the lines for an event at least once before repeating a line again! This should make for a more immersive and less repetitive experience. (Yes Tai, we've heard that war story already!) This update is the final planned lore update, so if you're a fan of great character interactions, learning about the world(s) from the view of the underdog, or just engaging sci-fi space stories, then there's never been a better time to get The Chaser's Voyage! Especially since it's now on sale via Steam's Summer Sale for $10.19, 49% off! (There's even a journal entry that will shed some light on our repeated use of 10/19, it's got everything.)

And of course, no update would be complete without bug fixes and typos. We fixed a bunch of random ones as well as some huge ones in the Tutorial. Big shout out to our Discord for pointing out some nasty bugs, it means a lot to us!

The next major update on the list is our training mode, the Flight Simulator. It's been a wonderful dev tool for us and hopefully shouldn't prove too hard to finalize with some pretty UI elements. (Famous last game dev words.) Until next time, enjoy discovering the newly expanded galaxy of The Chaser's Voyage! Safe Flying!

You can read the full patch notes here and can follow The Chaser's Voyage and Bright at Midnight on Twitter! Bright at Midnight on Twitter, or join our Discord! If you wish to play The Chaser’s Voyage, you can buy it while we’re in Early Access on Steam.

-Cameron

[spaceorphan18]

I'd love to hear more of your thoughts re: 23, how Chris' artistic choices were mistaken for apathy. I apologize if you go into this in your meta (which I didn't realize you were finished with and I'm SUPER excited to jump into!) -- clearly you're acknowledging that there is some sort of shift in Kurt's character. I think he's noticeably not as into the "Klaine" relationship and I just assumed it was because Chris was over Glee at that point. What do you think?

Okay - so yeah, I do get into it within the meta - so if you want super specifics - it’s there.  You think a scene looks off? Go check what I have to say - cause I’m sure I’ve tried to hit every complaint.  

So - first of all, though, I need to say this - there’s this habit of -- hey this scene isn’t the be all and end all of everything I wanted it to be -- especially after I’ve been spoiled about it.  And I do think /that/ plays into it.  

And yes, I do think Chris was getting tired of the show, but so was everyone else.  And I feel like it’s disingenuous to saddle him as being the one checked out when I think everyone had their moments - especially the last few seasons after they’re all dealing with the tragic early death of a friend and coworker.  But I also think once an actor says admits that (and Chris did) -- people jump on to every little thing not quite up to their personal standards and declares that it’s Chris not being into it.  

And quite frankly - it does frustrate me a little bit.  Cause no other actor gets as much scrutiny for it, and I really don’t think that it’s fair -- especially when there were other actors who had lackluster moments, too...   

I also think that, as a fandom, we micro-analyze these scenes and sometimes forget the bigger picture of what’s going on -- and we did that especially in season 5 when we weren’t sure what was going on with season 6, and I feel like once we have the whole picture - a lot of Chris’s acting choices actually make more sense (to me).  

I also believe Chris is professional enough to do his job, too...  

There is another huge thing I’d like to point out -- Darren, when talking about his time on Versace, mentioned that a lot of time, performances are shaped by directing and editing - and when he watched Versace, he felt like there pieces missing (cause they had to cut them out) and that some of his process wasn’t shone.  

And that clicked with me.  An actor’s performance is only one part of it.  There’s direction - what the actors are specifically /told/ to do, and then editing - where other people piece together what we see and create a performance out of what they’re given.  And I think a lot of times - things were edited together weirdly, tbh.  But I think it’s important to remember that someone’s acting/performance isn’t the full picture - and that there are other factors that go into creating a show.  

That said -- some specifics...  

I haven’t heard of many complaints about Chris’s acting until the end of season 4 - if there’s another, earlier moment you’d like to know more about, I’d suggest checking the meta.  I probably won’t get into this again because people get super wanky easily over this - and I’m just a little tired of it, tbh.  

1. The Lesbian/Breadstix scene of All or Nothing (4x22) - So.  First of all, this is an editing issue more than a performance issue.  If you look at a lot of the over the shoulder shots, or shots when Kurt’s very off to the side - you can see him smiling happily at Blaine.  Kurt wasn’t dismissive of Blaine at all - but because of the editing wanting to keep Kurt’s inner thoughts more of a mystery (because of the ending cliffhanger) they didn’t show the times when Kurt seemed to be having a good time.  Plus - they’re with strangers, and Kurt isn’t exactly the most open person when people he doesn’t know.  Plus also - the point of this scene isn’t about Klaine’s relationship, it’s about LGTB rights and the lesbians getting engaged.  

I know I go on about this scene in the meta - so I do suggest you check that out for more details.  

2. In Love Love Love, Chris’s acting is spot on - and I see absolutely zero issues.  He’s completely checked in and plays Kurt masterfully here.  People don’t complain about LLL - I’m just bringing it up because I feel like that Chris hits the major Klaine moments out of the ballpark every time.  

3. Movin’ Out - in general there was grumbling about the Klaine stuff, but again, I don’t see the issue.  Their one real scene together was awkwardly staged, but I see no issue with the acting in the scene.  And it’s not Chris’s fault there wasn’t a scripted kiss there.  **shrugs**

4. Mid-season 5 - did people have problems with Kurt’s acting during this? Did people notice? I feel like people only seem to have issues when it’s directly connected to Blaine, and that doesn’t feel fair.  

My only issue with Puppet Master is that they didn’t have a final scene for Klaine to reconnect and be over the conflict - but Glee is bad about those kind of things. 

Other than that...  ??  

I personally have an issue with Previously Unaired Christmas, but only because they never wrote Kurt to be that flirty and up on Blaine.  That’s not Chris’s fault either.  

5. The New York Arc - So, for detailed info, I really suggest the meta, cause I go super into Kurt’s headspace and defend Chris’s choices here a lot.  the tl;dr version -- 

Kurt’s not in a good place in general - partly cause of Finn’s death, partly cause he’s not ready to be married, partly because he’s constantly surrounded by an onslaught of people who are very much about them, partly cause he feels like his career isn’t going anywhere.  Kurt’s in a sad place through most of the arc - which leads to the break up.  

Kurt’s far more irritated and annoyed by Rachel than he ever is with Blaine throughout the arc

When Kurt was supposed to be happy with Blaine he was -- and I didn’t see any issues with Chris’s acting there.  

I know people have issues with the end of Tested - but that was definitely acting choice/direction over performance/actor bleed - and I go way into in the meta.  

I find there’s only one real bad Klaine scene - and that’s their first scene in the Back Up Plan - but its a) a badly written scene and b) It’s Darren whom I find off in it, tbh.  

I do agree that we should have seen more downtime/happier moments to balance out the drama - glee’s writers dropped the ball on that.  

And -- in season 3 we were used to the background moments of Klaine because that’s all we got... but now they’re front and center, we didn’t get background moments the same way.  Personally, I prefer the story and the conflict and the growth, and while yes, I think we could have used some more minor moments, I don’t think we got nothing? Nor do I think Chris was purposely pulling away in what we did see - or least in my own interpretation.  

6. I have zero issues with season six Kurt.  Chris totally knocked the whole thing out of the park, so I have no idea what people’s issues are during that season.  I mean - I kinda understand the lack of feeling married post the Wedding episode - but that was due to the story telling issues and the show not focusing on them as characters /at all/.  I think the finale was fine? 

7. As for Kurt, the character, not seeming as invested in Blaine?? Ug - Kurt loves Blaine.  It’s there, I promise, it really is.  There’s never an instance in the show where I thought - huh, Kurt seems like he doesn’t love Blaine anymore.  Not even during the break ups.  Whether you believe Chris’s acting choices were valid or not - the writing was always there when it came to Kurt loving Blaine. And yeah, I’d have loved to have seen more of it.  But it is there... I spend most of my meta analyzing time talking about it, lol. 

Do I think Chris was 100% on all the time? No - but no actor is.  But I ultimately think that most of the bigger complaints I’ve seen over the years are more from purposeful acting choices during season 5 than Chris being unprofessional.  Hey - if you just don’t see it that way, that’s fine, I’m not going to try to convince you otherwise.  But I really do wish people would go back and watch the full thing with an open mind before outright dismissing or judging it.  

**shrugs**

[kae-karo]

So, this is a semi-random thing, but I think you'd have a lot to say on the subject: You know how a lot of people act like Kaeya only revealed his feral side after his fight with Diluc? Personally, I don't buy it. They were best friends for ages and Kaeya is explicitly stated to be the guy who insured Diluc's plans worked. I FULLY believe that these two were barely more cautious when Diluc was a captain than they are now - and that's BOTH of them. They're both a bit reckless and feral.

oh boy howdy do i have a lot to say lmaooooo

i'm not sure that 'feral' is the exact word i'd use here, so hopefully you don't mind if i just run wild a bit with my own thoughts on the matter!

i think you are absolutely right in that kaeya's personality isn't really...different. i mean, it probably is, to the outside eye, but i don't think he's changed at a fundamental level. i don't think diluc attacking him changed the underlying person that he was.

in kaeya's stories, he and diluc are described as a bit of a dynamic duo, in that they were always seen together, with kaeya considered diluc's friend, sounding board, and supporter (x) and as you said, he always ensured that diluc was successful - based solely on the next line in the story, that they protected mond "in both light and dark", i wouldn't be shocked if some of kaeya's manipulations began well before he lost diluc

a part of my thoughts here hinge on the idea that diluc did change a little after that night - in that his more reserved personality is a product of both the events of that night and of his time abroad. but prior to their fallout, i'd imagine diluc was far more upbeat and fiery, for lack of a better term, and i have no doubt that kaeya often took on the role of quelling his passion (read: righteous and likely reckless flames lmao have u seen the way that man sets the grass on fire) or to clean up his mess if something went awry

like, i fully believe that kaeya was the one to step between diluc and some perceived evildoer to prevent diluc from- well, from doing what he did to that abyss mage, at least at some point. or, in the event that he had some grandiose plan that kaeya needed to ensure went off without a hitch - and potentially without any severe injuries or catastrophes - he'd spend the whole night running around beforehand getting certain people in line or playing the spy in order to keep diluc's world running smoothly

and here's the thing - i don't think any of that has changed for kaeya. i think he still does all of this, if with a bit more panache than when he was younger. i don't think that night changed anything for him except his views of himself. he says it outright, that he felt guilty over deceiving diluc (x), and i think that factors heavily into the role he plays so openly: the deceiver, the manipulator, the one that nobody quite trusts. if he openly embraces the pained words that diluc had once hurled at him, if he becomes all that diluc hated about him, then surely it won't hurt so badly, right?

regardless, i don't think that any of his actions or behaviors are new. i think they're pursued more openly, now - that kaeya plays a part to achieve his goals and shield his heart - but i don't think it's entirely false. i'm a particular fan of one line from his stories, that he "actually enjoys putting people into the difficult position of making tough decisions" (x) because i think that sheds some very clear light on his character - it's not a concise matter of him being a sadist (although that point could be argued lmao) but rather an exemplification of how badly he's managing the fallout with diluc. after all, he spent years "[agonizing] over these impossible questions, caught between the opposing demands of loyalty and duty, faced with an impossible choice between truth and happiness" (x) and, for him, his darkest and most daunting moment was what ultimately forced him into showing his truest colors

now, one could argue (as kaeya probably would) that his 'truest colors' are the truth of his khaenri'ahn origin and the role forced upon him by that ancient plot, but i think it comes more down to the actions he took that night - that his truest colors are ones of loyalty to those he cares for, in spite of the way it might hurt him. by forcing others to undergo this same stress of a difficult decision, he is 1. not alone in his suffering and 2. able to discern where his subordinates' loyalties ultimately lie

[side note - i would apply this whole argument to his confrontation in the manga with collei as well, where he put her in genuine danger for the sake of determining whether or not she was the one in control of the thing inside her (x)]

ANYWAY circling back to the point - i think kaeya and diluc were reckless kids by every stretch of the imagination. put a pyro user together with his confidant and enabler and you're bound to get some chaos, even more so when they're both wildly competent and well-respected among the rest of the city. but i definitely suspect that their cares were not so deep at the time - how often would diluc have worried about the machinations of the fatui before his father's death, for example? i don't think that either of them ultimately, fundamentally changed, but their paths of expressing those underlying emotions and personalities might've changed in the wake of their fallout

[shihalyfie]

What went down with the DigiFes situation, from the community and translator perspective

I think the events of the last few days have gotten everyone in a huge fuss, and because everything got caught up in a lot of chaotic social media stuff, there’s been a lot of questions about what came from what and who knew what at what time. Fortunately, I happen to be:

Someone who’s a veteran in this fanbase and thus has a small handful of friends in this community, who also have their own friends

Someone who understands a little Japanese (although not as much as others in this community do) and therefore can read things in Japanese myself to some degree without needing someone else to translate it for me

So hopefully I can shed some light on what kinds of things were being discussed, and what was known and not known at what time in this fanbase with all of this.

The most important thing I want to establish is that there was no organized coalition or smear campaign. (Kind of ironic I have to say this when the topic at hand has so much to do with conspiracy theories.) I’m a veteran, I know friends who are veterans, they know other friends who are veterans but don’t know me at all. My friends usually agree with and like the same things I do, and I give them advice and assistance with my skillset when I can, and they return the favor. We pass things along through the grapevine, not through some super-secret club grapevine, just via the nature of social relationships and some Discord servers (multiple; again, not everyone knows each other). So these are my impressions of what happened, based on said grapevine.

How it all started

Konaka’s blog is long. Like, really long. Which is only natural, because he was recapping basically the entire 51 episodes of Tamers in excruciating detail, so no translator in this fanbase would be able to translate all of that and not lose their mind! So for the most part people who couldn’t read Japanese had pretty much given up on reading it (with maybe a few dedicated people using machine translation), and some people who understood Japanese would point out parts they found interesting, but for all intents and purposes it remained untranslated and not super-accessible to the mainstream. (Even the Japanese fanbase itself wasn’t super aware of the blog’s existence.)

So when that first post in May about 9/11 dropped, the people who did read Japanese started going “uh...”

At the time, the DigiFes stage reading hadn't been announced yet. So, in other words, everyone reading it only knew it as, functionally, him namedropping an alt-right YouTuber and praising his observations. The reaction from anyone reading the blog at the time was something along the lines of “disappointed and mildly concerned.” (Note the mildly.)

The posts in June about the Great Reset and the anti-vaccine sentiment were when people keeping an eye on the situation started to get really worried about how far this was going to escalate. At this point, I want to make something clear that may not be apparent to those who weren’t keeping up or who are outside the fanbase: Most of the translators and Japanese-reading people deliberately chose not to be too public about this at this time.

Why?

This is the irony surrounding the fact that said translators are now being accused of trying to further “cancel culture”: cancellation was absolutely not what anyone wanted back then! If anyone wanted to create a smear campaign, 9/11 conspiracies, the Great Reset, and anti-vaccine statements are already more than enough to make a starting case. But at the time, this was a blog that very few people (Japanese or otherwise) knew about, translating it would basically just boost its platform more than it would have had in the first place (which would be counterproductive), and -- well, let’s be real, it’s not hard to imagine that people might get reactionary over it, and people would go nuts. Was there any real benefit that would come out of that? Not really, no.

So at the most, those keeping an eye on it might have vented a bit on their personal accounts, but some even tried to self-censor with “[redacted]” or vagueposting, because this was a matter that needed to be handled with delicacy. Thus, there were “mild rumors through the grapevine” about what was going on, but those who knew were trying to hold back with restraint and mostly inform people quietly in the hopes of this not needing to become some kind of huge social media campaign.

(Also, to be a bit blunt about it, it’s really hard to be in front of someone who loves Tamers and is gushing about it and showing admiration for Konaka, knowing all of this and wanting to say something, but feeling like a jerk if you pop their bubble like “also, he’s probably an alt-right conspiracy theorist now.” Not to say that the ignorance-is-bliss concept is always a good thing, but...)

But since the blog posts in question were discussing the prospect of having his sentiments in fiction, everyone reading them was on edge anticipating what might be in store for DigiFes. The hope was that it might blow over. Hopefully, everything would be in the form of subtle themes with plausible deniability, it would all stay within the realm of “it’s not worth causing a fuss over this,” that would be the end of it, and we’d all move on with our lives.

Unfortunately, “Political Correctness is activating Cancel Culture” isn’t exactly subtle.

DigiFes and the aftermath

I think it’s too easy to assign too much responsibility to the fansub group that was indirectly responsible for breaking the news for all of this, but actually, the truth is, this would have gotten out anyway.

Even when the stream itself was going on, there were Japanese livebloggers, and there were also English speakers who caught on that something was happening with “the Tamers fighting political correctness”. Some hours later, an upload of the stream went live on YouTube, and quite a few people started watching it and caught onto what was going on. If the fansub group that released the now-infamous version hadn’t done it, I’m absolutely certain someone else would have eventually (perhaps in a different language first, but nevertheless). And even before then, information about what the hell was going on was already starting to circulate in broken and incomplete forms. That fansub solidified what was going on, and perhaps accelerated the moment the bomb dropped on everyone, but if it hadn’t been there, it would have happened much more gradually and chaotically.

On top of that, while the use of Western alt-right rhetoric (seriously, please do not try to bring the “injecting Western politics into Japanese media” argument here when all of us are asking him to take the Western politics out) meant that it went over most of the Japanese audience’s heads (hence your answer to “who approved this?”), there was at least one Japanese person who was politically savvy enough to call it out for what it was in disgust. (I’m not linking them here because I’m not dumb enough to fling them in a place where some of you trigger-happy people will go after them.) They didn’t even need to be super in-tune with Western politics to get it; they understood enough to tell that there were some pretty alarming extremist views in there. If they understood that much, it was naturally going to follow that the Western side was definitely going to become aware one way or another.

Even all that aside, at the very least, said fansub is accurate; imagine how much worse this situation would have been if someone else had taken it up and confused things further with a misleading translation, or, worse, deliberately messed with the contents. Basically, this debacle could have easily been a lot worse.

I don’t think anyone expected this to get as big as it did (as in, to the point mainstream anime reporters outside the fanbase picked up on it). There was a similar tri. reading back in 2016, but even a lot of the hardcore fanbase barely remembers it exists! These aren’t even supposed to be canon, either! But when you have that disclaimer at the front, and the contents are really like that, it was probably inevitable for it to become a social media sensation. I mean the contents...sure are a thing.

One thing I should point out about the disclaimer is that it only mentions the program itself. It doesn’t bring up the blog, and it doesn’t bring up who wrote this scenario, just the fact that the program contains alt-right rhetoric and conspiracy theories. Because it does! It’s not even technically praising or condemning the content within, it just says “we don’t agree with it”! What the group did condemn was...approaching staff about it (and especially starting a fight). Because, in the end, that’s what the disclaimer was for: a heads-up about what was in there, and an added reminder that the people translating this are just translating it for the sake of informational purposes. Or, in other words:

It was a content warning. Even without the disclaimer, there were many, many people who would have recognized the contents for what they were and been caught by it unawares, and become upset by it. There were many people who said that they were glad to have that there because it at least gave them some time to mentally prepare for what they were about to be slapped with!

It really, really was a disclaimer. When you have something that level of extremely politically charged stuff, it’s only natural to start suspecting that the translation group had an agenda (official translations tend to get this a lot when content is remotely political). But no, the translation group did their due diligence, even if their opinions were starkly opposed to what was in there.

I was not personally involved in that translation, but I’ll give you this (copy-pasted with permission, from someone who wasn’t technically involved directly in it but was privy to discussions while it was being done):

no we brought up all of those questions like the fact that Yamaki's clearly off his rocker and this isn't supposed to be taken seriously in the first place or that maybe if we're lucky he'll just sound like a fake woke boomer but no matter how you slice it the plot is about him "convincing" the unbelieving Takato and co. into rallying up against the true enemy of Political Correctness and that's just literally the alt-right playbook in a nutshell

the thing even made it to YouTube, we were basically racing against the clock

I mean I really want to say this is plausible deniability but I don’t know how you can get any less subtle than this, this is not something you can mince words

like I really wish we could pass this off as “as long as you don’t know the blog you can take this innocently as political commentary or something” but I honestly don’t think this is something you can take innocently even without context

tbh the Political Correctness part is the most cringeworthy but Yamaki’s rant about fact checkers being evil and all that is probably a lot more worrying when you think about it

tbh I’ve never felt as conflicted about what’s the right thing to do as I do now

So in other words, it was not a reckless decision to just tack on a political label; it was done after a lot of consideration about the consequences to put the label on and what people would think of it with or without context, whether there might be a glimmer of light possibility to try and pass this off as more innocuous as it was, and eventually a determination that, in the end, there was indeed alt-right rhetoric in the program, and should be labeled accordingly.

The result was that, of course, everything broke out on social media, chaos burst out, a lot of hearts were unfortunately broken, and a lot of alt-righters started invading spaces accusing people of proving him right with cancel culture. Ironically, my personal observation is that, while there were exceptions, most people in the actual fanbase did honor the requests to not harass people about it, and this may actually be the most solidarity I’ve ever seen from the Digimon fanbase in my life, which is saying a lot considering how we usually tend to be a drama magnet most of the time. The ones who were actually directly messaging him were his newfound supporters locking down on offering him “support against people trying to cancel him” (I think they were more heartbroken and upset at him than anything...), and most of the harassment came from alt-righters not even in the fanbase, namesearching and sending harassing, accusatory messages to anyone involved for as much as expressing mild dismay. (You want to talk about harassment and being attacked for having an opinion? Pot, meet kettle.)

This leads us back to the question of the blog: if you’ll remember, I just said that the fansub in question did not bring it up at all. That’s because, at the beginning, there was no intention to bring it up if it wasn’t necessary; this was not intended as a smear campaign. The warning was attached to the DigiFes program because it was about the DigiFes program. But the resulting chaos had a lot of people bring up the blog because it better contextualized what was going on, and discussion led to people looking it up themselves and posting fragments of it on social media, sometimes even using machine translate.

Ultimately, that’s the reason this document was released: it was the same reason as the fansub being released at the time it was, which was “if it hadn’t been released, the alternative was watching things get disseminated more slowly and chaotically.” I will say outright that I was one of the people who got to lay eyes on that document before it was publicly released (and even helped out with some advice here and there); it’s no secret that it was being quietly passed around as an internal memo prior to the outbreak. The original version of the document had a request to not post it on public social media because of the chaos it would cause, and while I don’t know how many people got to see it before it was released, I’m under the impression that it was enough people that I was quite surprised everyone who saw it respected that request.

Why does the document contain a ton of analysis and debunking on top of just the translations? Well, when you’re translating those blog posts, you’re technically giving it a bigger platform (which was one of the reasons it was originally considered better to not post it publicly). Since the document exists primarily to inform people, especially about why certain things that may seem innocuous actually have wider context behind them, it’s going to need to contain an analysis like that.

The summary

There were a lot of decisions involved by a lot of different people through all parts of this ordeal. I think it’s fair to criticize whether they were the right decisions in retrospect or whether certain things should have been done slightly differently (including my small role in this), but nevertheless, it was one where the risks involved were thought through and taken into account in every step of the situation, with a desire to avoid chaos, or at least prevent it from getting too much worse. When you have contents like this, a controversy honestly is inevitable -- how on earth are you going to be able to put contents like Yamaki reciting off all the typical alt-right YouTuber talking points and ending in Political Correctness activating Cancel Culture and not expect that to make a stir at some point? -- and so, in the end, this wasn’t so much a conscious attempt at stirring the pot as much as it was the dam finally breaking, and a desire to keep it from spilling over too much. Nobody coordinated this! I think everyone just really hates drama.

Knowing all the steps and thoughts that went on behind all of this, I think being reactionary or accusatory for clout is the last thing anyone involved wanted to be. Considering just how many of these steps above could have easily been made into exposure, from the posts all the way back in May and June to the internal memo document that was made to keep friends quietly informed but could have been leaked to the public with only one bad actor, there was an active, common desire among people who didn’t even know each other to try and minimize the potential damage as much as possible. When you look at the situation now, of course it looks awful and hardly like something that came out of “trying to minimize damage”, but in reality there’s only so much you can do when the contents really are like that, and I personally believe everyone involved was doing what they thought was their best option as the situation kept changing.

I can’t speak for anyone else, especially since I don’t even know most of the people involved, and I didn’t have much of a role in all of this, but I think everyone involved, myself and my friends and everyone who’d been keeping tabs on this situation for months, has been going through a lot of heartbreak and conflict over what to do next, so please understand that there was a lot of thought put into all of it, and that it really was a difficult situation no matter how you look at it.

[pluto-art]

Softly - PatB Fan Fiction

Type: Hurt/Comfort Rating: PG Summary: Baby Brain has known little but pain and misery in an unloving world, but when he gets paired up with a new lab student things change in a way he didn’t expect.

This started out as a mini story in a Discord server and got... a little out of hand. What you see here is how much I typed out in the server.

He hadn't been there long. Two... maybe three weeks? The cold metal had finally become familiar beneath his feet, and the strange blocks, though generally tasteless, kept him alive. There wasn't much that made his new living quarters interesting; there was only so much one could do in a pile of aspen shavings day after day. Occasionally, they would hook up to his cage some sort of liquid that wasn't his usual watery fair. He could never decipher or make heads or tails of the words on the sides of the bottles, saying things like D-D-T or S-N-I-P-P-L-E. The only distinguishing feature to him was that sometimes they tasted terrible, sometimes quite flavorful, and sometimes they tasted like nothing at all. Almost all of them turned his stomach. Driven to thirst, however, he'd play their cruel game. Choice was not something that existed in this crisp, sterile world; at least, not from a personal standpoint. When it did exist it meant the difference between a shock and a treat; a yellow light or a red light; a warm room or a cold one. Choice was manufactured.

He still cried almost every night. He tried to quiet the tears, but they didn't always listen. The others heard him. One or two laughed cynically. Most said nothing; they'd shed their own fair share and would again sooner than later. A single kind soul, a mother rat some doors down from him, occasionally whispered to him a lullaby or two when everyone else but them were asleep. They were songs she sang to her own children to quiet their tears, and she had no less compassion for this unfortunate soul, who was even worse off than her own brood -- he didn't even have any parents to nuzzle up to. Had she her way, she would have mutilated every last living human being in the facility. It was bad enough that they were tested on mercilessly as adults. To do so to children was simply insidious. Alas, she was simply a rat, and so could only dream of days when she wasn't.

Not that BR-41N (that's what they called him; no one had real names here) hadn't tried to be friendly with his captures. Aside from a particularly nasty poke from some long, thin, prickly object inserted into his thigh the first day (it had stung; oh, it had stung...) the proceeding couple of days had consisted of simple maze runs and treadmill exercises. Nothing too elaborate. As a child, he'd been used to running around a lot in the field, and sifting through the labyrinths reminded him of the long grass he'd play hide-and-seek in back home, except at the end of them was a tasty prize: a piece of cheese. He liked cheese. In the wild, it was hard to come by, but here they gave it to him generously, provided he finished the courses, which he always did. The fourth day followed in much the same way, but the fifth day brought something different: a sudden shock and a broken tail. That had changed his view of things. Perhaps the harsh awakening wouldn't have been so terrible had it not been followed by other unspeakable things -- poisoned food; friends made that, the next day, would never be seen again; more shocks given as punishment for choosing an incorrect panel; injections that made him see things he'd never seen, monsters and strange colors and other scary things that kept him awake at night; loud noises that came out of nowhere; and often, quite often, the terrifying echo of squeaks, barks, and meows that made up the daily music of Acme Laboratories. He hated it. He hated all of it. More than anything, he wanted to go home. He missed the warmth; the love; the soft whisper of the wind that traveled through his ivory fur. He wanted all of it back. But life? She was a harsh mistress. And no amount of crying, screaming, or pleading, seemed to ever make her turn an ear.

As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks... months, more than just a tail was broken. Trust was broken. Hope was broken. Spirit... was broken. If there was any love, if there was any future, it wasn't here. Kindness had proved unfruitful, and patience had run its course. He didn't find reason to be willing, nor show charity, towards those who made his life a living hell. What reason was there? What profit was in it? Time had told him, quite bluntly, there wasn't. It had taken him a full month to admit defeat, but admit it he did, and cynical he became, 'til every hand that reached in to grab him was ripe to be bitten, every shot that punctured his stomach was the unwelcome norm, and every newcomer that tried to strike up a friendship was easily ignored. The latter-most was simply wasting their time. He could read the colors on the cages now. He knew that a red mark meant "death". He only wondered why he, as of yet, had never been given one himself. It was as if life itself was laughing at him -- keeping him as witness to the horrors that went on inside the dragon's cave, yet never giving him the satisfaction of death.

And so the third month dawned, chilly and barren, or so the scientists said. Autumn had come. Not that any of the residents within the thick, cemented walls could see it. But the laboratory personnel spoke of it -- gold and crimson leaves, hot chocolate, dried wheat fields. He could almost smell the corn; could almost feel the breeze.... Days passed. For the first time, they gave him a cage mate. E8-WN, they called him. He was kind, but BR-41N had little love left to give. Besides, he had the red tag. It seemed they had only placed him here temporarily due to a lack of space. The next day he was taken to the back. The tiniest shred of pity nipped at BR-41N as he watched the little peach-furred mouse be carried into the surgical room, a curious look on his face. Another emotion was also present within him: jealousy. On the 17th day of September, a new thing happened -- a thing that, for the first time in a while, made the little mouse turn his head.

The school year had started, and, as such, fresh meat was welcomed into the laboratory in the form of fourteen college students looking to continue pursuits in medical science. They were all very quiet during the tour, one or two of them occasionally lifting a hand to ask a question about course materials or contact information. They were each, it seemed, to be given a subject: an animal from the laboratory to study, train, and conduct experiments on. Rats, mice, and hamsters had already been picked out for them, and each was given a black-coated subject or a brown-furred captive to take charge of. Each student's rodent was to be kept in the lab at all times, and specific instructions were given them as to the proper handling of the creatures. At least two experiments were to be conducted on them daily, three if possible. They could spend as much time with their charge as they wished, so long as they got their homework done. Fourteen students. Fourteen rodents. Four months to finish their work. Simple.

As it stood, however, there had been a miscalculation. Fourteen students. Fourteen rodents.... No. Not fourteen. Only thirteen. There'd been an error. They'd forgotten to set aside an extra subject. The unfortunate student without a charge was a college girl named Rachel. All other rodents were going through tests conducted by various personnel in the lab, set aside specifically for said conductions that couldn't currently be tampered with. All except one....

"So, um, Rachel," their teacher said, checking his student list. "You may have to share with... Peterson.... You know what? We might... actually have an extra for you. Hold on. Let me ask...."

And he departed into another room, calling for a "Jackson".

"Jackson! Can she use BR-41N? I don't think he's going through any rigorous testing.... Yeah? Okay. Yeah, that would work out perfectly. Thanks."

He turned back to his brood, many of whom looked quite eager to jump in to these intriguing studies, others looking downright bored.

"Okay. We have one for you. His code name is BR-41N. He's not going through any major testing, and he's generally given the usual works -- labyrinths, shock treatment, all that. But, um... he bites. Really bad. So... you'll have to watch it, all right?"

"Okay," Rachel nodded, looking a little nervous.

"All right. Umm.... Good. Yes. So, let's head back to the main campus, and... we'll start your work tomorrow."

And they left.

BR-41N had only heard part of all this, and had understood none of it. He shivered in his cage, taking a moment to drink some water out of the bottle that hung there. While the arrival of such a large group intrigued him, especially since it consisted of a much younger set than normal, it also made him nervous. Was it a sign of good things to come... or bad? Or just more of the usual fair? One could only wonder. For now, he was simply grateful that the cheese they'd given him today was, for once, not laced with drugs.

She came by on a Tuesday.

It was an hour after a cosmetics test that he heard a knock on the table. His skin still burned. He was cowering in a far corner, and looked back over his shoulder hesitantly.

Rachel stood there, smiling at him.

"Hello, little one." He stared at her, nonplussed. "I guess you're my charge. You gonna say hello?"

And she opened up the door of his cage.

He shuffled back further. He knew all too well by this point that the opening of a door meant one of two things: food or torture. Considering the fact that she didn't smell of food, he had to assume it was the latter.

"It's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you. Well, hopefully not...."

Although he didn't understand a word of what she said, her tone was calm; soothing. No one in the lab ever talked to him like this. He couldn't help but stare curiously.

She held her hand up to the entrance and made a soft, squeak-like sound with her mouth. He frowned at her. As if that was going to convince him. He turned away.

"No? I don't blame you," she replied, taking a look at his clipboard. "BR-41N. What kind of a freak name is that? Mind if I call you Brain? Or Brian?"

No response.

"We'll go with Brian. Brain sounds kinda weird."

Brian it was.

She kept the door open, and he braced himself. Any moment now, gloved hands would be protruding into his enclosure to wrap themselves firmly about him, not tight enough to choke him, but secure enough that he couldn't escape. But the hand didn't come. If anything, she pulled up a chair, sat down, and rested her arms upon the table on which his cage sat. She was... giving him a choice? He stared at her, unsure how to react.

"Come on, sweet heart," she cooed, rubbing her fingers together encouragingly.

But he wouldn't budge. If this was some new trick, it wasn't going to work. He wished she'd just grab him and get it over with. Sooner or later, she'd have to. It was only a matter of time. And so he waited....

She sat there for a full twenty minutes, trying her best to get him to come over, but he refused to budge, and so she gave up. As expected, she still ran him through a maze, but instead of reaching in to grab him, she found a clear tube and scooped him up in it, covering both ends before depositing him into the run as such. It was... odd, but less invasive than what he was used to. He rather wished the others would do it that way.

Via the same method she returned him to his cage at the end of the test. As usual, he took to the corner, assuming his usual cowardly pose, but he turned to look at her as she spoke.

"Sorry about that. Nice job, though. See you tomorrow."

And so went the next day... and the next, always with the same introduction: She'd open his door, pull up a chair, and offer her hand to him. After twenty minutes of nothing, she'd scoop him up in the tube, deposit him in the maze or whatever other test he was to perform that day, and return him in the same manner. This went on for four whole weeks, always with a kind word, never coupled with a harsh prod or poking of his skin. He came to somewhat look forward to her almost daily visits, not because he trusted her (the one time she had tried touching him [with gloves on, of course], he'd given her a fair warning in the form of a bite), but because it was the only two hours during the day in which he knew he wouldn't be fed poison, given a shot, or made to inhale cigarette smoke. The other students joked with her. By far, she had the unfriendliest mouse out of all of them, and they found her kind advances a waste of time.

"Just pick him up!" a tall boy said.

Most of them had no problem with handling their subjects by the tail; at least, the boys generally didn't. The girls were kinder, but even they didn't take the time to get to know their animals intimately. They also were given the harder tests to conduct on their critters and so tried not to get attached.

Whereas most of the rats, mice, and hamsters given to the students would eventually be killed in some way or other at the end of the semester, via through vivisection, gassing, cancer, or some other method, BR-41N, or... Brian, as Rachel now called him, was not scheduled to be offed anytime soon and so could not undergo such rigorous experiments. As such, she got both the easy job of conducting very simple tests on him, and also the hard job of trying to work with the most hostile mouse in the entire facility.

"He's never gonna warm up to you," one of the other students said.

Rachel took it as a challenge.

"Watch me," she said.

But Brian was proving to be a much tougher can than expected. By the sixth week, he still hadn't even bothered to venture near the cage entrance when she sat near it, even with tasty treats in hand. He simply didn't trust anyone. Not anymore....

October came and went, to be replaced with a frosty November. Whenever Brian saw Rachel now she had a cup of tea in hand, the better to ward off the coming winter chill. Still she tried; still he refused to relent. Until the 9th....

It was late. She hadn't been able to get to the lab until 8:00 PM due to unfortunate series of events that involved a fender bender, two appointments, and a last minute essay. When she got to the lab she was tired... and not at all in the mood to deal with Brian's B.S., and he knew it.

"'Sup?" she asked him wearily, setting down her things in a huff. Only a handful of other people were still in the facility at this hour, none of them students. Fine by her. She preferred the quiet anyway. "We're gonna do something a little different today, bud."

Indeed.... He perked his ears up at her exhausted tone and the fact that, for once, she didn't open the cage door. But she did still slide the chair up to his table.

On the opposite side of the room was a television on a rolling stand. Normally, this was used for surgeries and other experiments. Once in a blue moon, however, someone would use it for recreational purposes -- to watch the local news when there was time to kill. Most fortunately for Rachel, it also came with a VHS player. Into it she popped a tape, before sitting down in the chair and grabbing her hot cup of peppermint tea. Despite himself, Brian took a whiff of the tea, whose scent had wafted into his cage and tickled his nose. It smelled good.

The film began to play. Brian didn't know the name of it, but whatever it was it was made up of very pretty pictures and featured a lot of dogs... and snow (at least at the beginning). It was rather soothing. Still, he didn't move from his spot, save to grab a lab block at one point to munch on, more to pass the time than anything. His stomach was still a little unsettled from earlier. Privately, he was a bit ticked off at the girl. Had she been a bit earlier he might have avoided the shock treatments. Not that they would have withheld them regardless.

It wasn't until the second song that his attention was at last caught.

"La la lu, La la lu, Oh my little star sweeper, I'll sweep the star dust for you...."

Sweetly did the animated woman sing her little song, and Brian, captivated, perked his ears. He looked up at the television. She was still singing. He stepped forward, bit by bit, until he was right up to the closed door, two little paws coming up to grasp at the bars of his cage as he stared, entranced, at the screen.

"La la lu, La la lu, And may love be your keeper, La la lu, La la lu, La la luuuuu."

And so it ended, all within the span of a minute, if that, but something had stirred with him -- a remembrance of home, and warmth, and what it was like to be loved.

He was still clutching at the bars when he noticed that Rachel was smiling at him, and he promptly sped back to his corner, embarrassed.

"Atta boy," she whispered, still grinning softly at him.

He refused to look at her. He wasn't touched by it or anything. He wasn't....

"It's okay. Don't be embarrassed," said the girl. "I like that song, too."

Brian stayed in his corner the rest of the movie, but the song never left his mind. 

---

The next day proceeded as normal. Once again, Rachel sat by his cage. Once again, she had brought a treat, albeit one he'd never seen before, nor smelled, for that matter. It was small... and white... and fluffy, and it smelled sugary and sweet. He wanted it. Oh, he wanted it so very badly. But nothing that ever came from the fingers of a scientist, even a soft-spoken one, was innocent. And so he refused, his back turned to her.

"Stubborn butt," said Rachel, and by her tone alone Brian could tell that it was a snide comment. He ignored her.

"Here."

As had occurred many times before, she left the treat in his cage near the entrance, closed the door, and sat to watch him. His eyes shifted towards the treat. It sat there, staring at him, mocking him. Eat me, it said. No, he thought. Oh, but it smelled so good....

Rachel sighed. So did Brian. She rested her head in her arms, exasperated. Maybe it really wasn't worth it....

Brian licked his lips. Perhaps....

He took a step forward. Rachel remained where she was, head in her arms, not looking at him. He moved another step. She was still as a stone. Patter patter patter patter patter... GRAB. He swooped back to his corner as fast as possible, marshmallow in his mouth. Rachel looked up... and chuckled. Brian dug into the treat, enjoying every second of it as teeth sunk into the savory delight. He'd never tasted anything this good before. It was better than mother's milk; much better than lab pellets; better than cheese....

"Silly little thing," Rachel giggled, smiling as he filled his cheeks with pleasantness. "Wait 'til you see what I bring you tomorrow."

Tomorrow, he was to find out, brought a piece of a doughnut, and the day after that a waffle. He'd never been this darn spoiled before. On the fourth occasion, he was, for once, already at the door, waiting to see what she'd bring. Lady and the Tramp and sugar, it turned out, were the keys to his heart, although he still wouldn't let her touch him. If her hand so much as brushed his fur he was back to his corner in a rush, although, this time, he didn't try to bite her first.

Rachel laughed when she saw the two little paws clutching at the gated entrance.

"You like 'em that much, huh? Here ya' go."

He stepped back to allow her access to the gate, and watched carefully as she placed something savory and smelling of salt inside. He sniffed, investigating as she closed the door. He took a tentative bite. Mmmmm. Yes, this was acceptable. Grabbing it, he rushed back to his usual corner and chowed down.

"Good. A fellow bacon appreciator," Rachel nodded, satisfied.

He ate the entire piece, licking his lips and proceeding to clean himself afterwards. That had been a bit messy. Good, but messy. If there was something he still valued, it was cleanliness. He could at least retain some form of dignity. The state of his fur was one of the few things he still had control over. Unlike some of the other unfortunate chaps, he'd never had to endure surgery or a shaved stomach.

Two little pink ears perked up as his cage door was opened yet again. More treats? No. Just Rachel, hand offered to him once more. Brian sighed. She just wouldn't give up, would she?

A second glance made him aware that she did, in fact, have something in her hand -- another marshmallow. Hmph. Sneaky. And yet, he'd be lying if he said he didn't want it....

"It's okay, little one," Rachel cooed, hand still outstretched, that plump marshmallow beckoning ever so tantalizingly. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise."

Brian sighed. He looked down at the floor, then over at her hand.

Rachel's eyes widened a touch, but she otherwise didn't reveal her surprise as Brian moved forward, inch by inch, step by step, towards her hand....

He stopped at the entrance, debating. Dare he...? It was a risk. He'd never willing done this, not since he'd been captured. It was a stupid decision. Stupid. And yet....

Her hand shifted a touch, and Brian shifted nervously with it. Rachel waited with bated breath.

He stepped forward....

In a flash, he'd grabbed the 'mallow from her hand and retreated to the back of his cage, not daring to even think about what he'd just done. It was foolish. It was dangerous. And yet, she hadn't tried to grab him, or even pet him. She'd just... given him a choice. And he'd taken it. Somehow, for some reason, he'd taken it.

Rachel smiled.

"Atta boy."

---

Perhaps it was the mere fact, the tantalizing realization, that he had a choice in the first place, that drew him back, but over the course of the next few weeks, things changed.

It had started slow at first. A light brush of the whiskers here; a sniff of the hand there. But, eventually, Brian, of his own accord, stepped into her hand. And she didn't close her fingers about him harshly, or strangle him, or pick him up by the tail. She simply... let him be. It was kind. It was unobtrusive. It was respectful. And he appreciated it.

No longer did the other students make fun, or joke that she'd never gain his trust. If anything, they questioned her.

"How the heck did you do it?" they'd ask, curious.

Even more confused were the scientists themselves. Not that anyone had tried very hard to gain the little mouse's trust. He was, in their opinion, not worth the time.

But he was to Rachel.

December came, and with it a complete turn-around in Brian's behavior, albeit towards one particular individual.

He eagerly rushed into her hand now. No need for the transportation tube. She could carry him on her shoulder to the maze area and pick him up with her bare hands as she placed him in the labyrinth, although she still made sure to let him take the first step and would, more often than not, simply offer a hand instead of plucking him from her shoulder. He still appreciated this.

Every weekday was now a day to look forward to. Sure, he was still tormented by the main personnel, but for two or three hours, two or three sweet hours, he didn't have to worry about anything. On the days he suffered from a stomach-ache, she'd hold him close to her chest and do her best to rub the pain away, offering him tea to ease his suffering, and if he fell asleep on her shoulder and woke up, shaking, from a bad dream, she'd rock him back and forth, singing "La La Lu" to him until the nightmares went away. On those rare nights, when she could only work late and no one was around, she'd bottle feed him. He'd been hesitant (and a little embarrassed) at first, but any reminder of home was difficult to ignore, and so he ended up embracing each form of love and affection with open paws, clutching tightly to her chest some days, as if this hug would be his last. For all he knew, it could be. He'd gotten used to her visits, but what if she left and never came back? He didn't want that love to leave....

December 14th.

The end of the semester was approaching. Rachel had told him, time and again, that she was leaving soon; that she would miss him; that she'd try to come back for the next semester. Brian understood none of this. He was a mouse, after all. Human language was foreign to him. The most he could understand was the occasional word -- his name, Brian, and various names of foods and tests -- and basic inflections that he knew signified concern, happiness, or contentment. But he didn't understand "leave", or "semester", or "miss". He could tell something was wrong, that she was sad, but as to why, he did not know.

A week from the last day of the semester, she brought a surprise: a movie. It had something to do with a rat, and food. He liked it for those things. He wished he could understand the words. It seemed interesting. He sat on Rachel's shoulder the entire time, at least until the end of the film, during which Rachel offered her hand to him. He accepted. She brought him up to her chest, nuzzling him close.

"I'm going away for a while, but... I'll try to be back next semester."

She petted him gently. He stared up at her, curious and concerned. Why was she so sad?

"I'm going to miss you...," she whispered. And, for the first time, she kissed him on his fuzzy white head. "I love you...."

He didn't understand the words, but he understood what they meant; how they felt.

Slowly, gently, he nuzzled close to her... and licked her fingers. It was the first time he'd shown genuine affection outside of nuzzling since he'd been captured. I love you, too....

He didn't understand it, but... there was something in the air that told him something big was coming. Something new. Something was going to be different....

December 18th came just like any other day. The semester was coming to a close. Many students had already finished their courses and gone home for the holidays. The occasional class still lingered on, including the medical science class. Most all had completed training and experimentation on their subjects for the season and were simply spending the next few days filing reports and filling out last minute essays. Some of the rodents wouldn't live to see the new year. Others had already been subjected to vivisection by their handlers and were far from the lab by this point. Subject BR-41N was one of the few who'd been given the same sheet on their clipboard day after day, week after week: a run of the mill of the usual, simple, non-invasive tests, along with an injection or two. But today was different.

As Rachel stepped up to Brian's cage, sipping at a hot cup of tea and smiling as her charge ran up to the bars to greet her, she frowned as she pulled up the clip board. His tag was yellow. Not the usual blue, but... yellow. She set down her cup, ignoring Brian's squeaky pleas to be let out as she looked over the sheet carefully.

Subject Reserved for Project B.R.A.I.N. // Invasive Study -- Cognitive Psychology, Neuroscience Psychology // 4:00 PM - Dec. 20

There was a pause, in which the dip in Rachel's brow furrowed ever deeper, her eyes roaming about the page scrutinizingly, before she slipped the paper out of its holder and headed back out the way she'd came, Brian looking curiously after her.

She marched all the way to a back office, in which sat one of the laboratory heads: Jackson. He looked up over his square-rimmed glasses as she knocked upon the exposed inner door frame.

"Yes?" he asked, sounding bored.

"Hey. Um.... I think you gave my subject the wrong paper."

"BR-41N?"

"Yeah. He got a yellow."

She stretched out her arm, offering the paper as proof, but he didn't take it. Instead, he looked up at her, fingers meeting at their tips, and said:

"No, I gave you the right paper. That's for BR-41N. His procedure is in two days."

His tone was flat and laced with a thin layer of poison, as if her daring to question him was a challenge.

"But... I thought he was just doing mainly labyrinth tests."

"Ms. Field, I thought you were told...?"

"Told what...?"

"He's been scheduled for this procedure for months. We wanted him fresh and so have eschewed more invasive tests until now. Frankly, you've been spending a little too much time with that mouse. He's gotten too friendly. We're not in the business of developing attachment here."

He said all this with a straight face, completely emotionless. Rachel swallowed thickly.

"Sir, I've... been going over this test. It's... very dangerous."

"Yes."

"It could kill him...."

"Yes?"

Rachel simply stared at him, uncertain of what to say next. He wasn't working with her here....

"Look.... What did you expect? You're studying medical science, correct?"

She nodded.

"Okay, well," he continued, a small chuckle of sarcasm escaping his lips as he said it. "Y-You have to realize that... this is a laboratory. We can't keep every subject. And these tests come with a lot of risks."

"Could you possibly do the test on another subject...?" Rachel asked, choosing her words carefully. "Brian is still kind of young, and..."

"Brian?"

Shoot.

"Sorry, I mean... BR-41N."

"You can't start... naming them, Miss Field. That's when you start getting attached. Understand?"

"I know...," Rachel mumbled, cheeks reddening as she looked down at her shoes.

"And the whole point of using him at this age is because his mind is younger. He's fresh."

"But he's just a baby..."

"Yes? And? A lot of the other students are working with infants."

"This one is...," Rachel began, than stopped. Already she'd said too much.

"Miss Field, if you don't prepare him for the procedure, someone else will. Now, you can either do your assignment or lose your credits. It's your choice."

Rachel sighed. Still holding the paper, she let her arm fall dramatically to her side.

"Fine...."

And she turned to walk off. But...

"Miss Field?"

She looked at him.

"Don't do anything stupid."

"Yes, Sir," Rachel replied, after a hefty pause, and headed back to her charge.

---

Brian didn't understand why Rachel was so quiet that day, nor why she cuddled him so much. She whispered to him something about "breaking out" and "night", but he didn't understand what those things meant, although he heard the urgency in her voice. As a result, he was a little more uptight the rest of the afternoon.

Before leaving, Rachel kissed the top of his head again, before setting him back down in the cage and hooking the door. Her good-byes were all but gibberish to him, although he recognized the word "tomorrow". So he'd be seeing her tomorrow. That was good. At least he had a time frame. He was naive to the rest....

---

December 19th 9:15 PM

BR-41N cleaned his whiskers, pondering.

She hadn't shown up today. Strange. "Tomorrow". She's said "tomorrow". Today was tomorrow. Why hadn't she come?

To his left, in a far corner of the room, someone sneezed in their cage. Brian frowned sadly. It was that hamster again. Whatever they'd given him had put him into a sneezing fit for an hour. Now and then he relapsed.

He yawned, stretched, and made for the food dispenser, when he suddenly heard a sharp click of a door being opened and abruptly snapped shut. He turned in the direction of the door. A light flicked on. Brian smiled.

Rachel's feet slid across the floor in haste. Instead of her usual student lab coat, she was decked out in her normal clothes, complete with backpack. Her hoodie was up, obscuring her hair, save for a few strands that stuck out here and there, as well as part of her face. She moved with purpose, albeit a little covertly, looking over her shoulder every now and then, as if expecting someone to grab her at any minute.

Set in a wall above the entrance to the room, a camera followed her. Rachel's eyes shifted at the sound as she moved towards Brian's cage. She knew she only had five, maybe ten, minutes at best.

Opening the cage door, she held her hand out for Brian to step onto. He hesitated. Something didn't smell right....

"Come on. We're busting you out of here, dude," Rachel whispered.

Brian cocked his head at her questioningly.

"Listen, they're going to put your through that splicer if we don't get you out of here, so come on."

There was an urgency in her voice that, despite his misgivings, compelled him to move forward. He trusted her too much by this point.

"Atta boy," she praised him, tucking him in her shirt pocket.

He peeked out, paws clutching at the edges of the pocket interestedly.

"Let's go," Rachel whispered, turning back to the door and stopping as she realized that someone was already standing there....

Framed in the metal doorway was a woman, thirty-five... maybe forty-something in age. Her arms were crossed, and the expression on her face seemed as taught and firm as the scrunchie tightening her poofy auburn hair. Her long lab coat was still settling; she must have only just gotten there. Rachel recognized this woman. Lana, her name was -- she was one of the head managers at the facility. Jackson had obviously tipped her off.

"Fancied a night stroll?" she asked, tone dripping with sarcasm.

Rachel remained frozen in place, a hand subconsciously cupping her shirt pocket. The gesture didn't go unnoticed.

"You know you're risking a lot for this. That's all your credits down the drain."

"He's worth it," Rachel answered, resolute.

"He's not. You take him and they'll just get another subject."

"At least I'll have saved this one."

"We'd still rather you not take an asset that's been reserved for months for this procedure," Lana nipped, taking a step forward.

Rachel took a step back. Her eyes shifted to a door to her left. It led to several other testing rooms and then back out into the main hallway. Some of the doors had security locks. It was the long way around, but if she was fast enough....

"Rachel...," Lana spoke, tone threatening as she advanced. "Put him down."

With each step Lana took towards her, Rachel moved two back. She could feel herself starting to perspire. Gosh, this was a stupid idea....

"Rachel...."

With a hand cupped over her shirt pocket, Rachel darted in the direction of the door, opening it up in a flash and slamming it shut behind her. Already she was racing for the opposite end of the room, where another door stood.

Brian jumped as an alarm went off, followed by red lights that flashed all throughout the facility. Rachel was already in the next room, her heart racing. She could hear the panicked footsteps behind her, mimicking her own, and hoped upon hope that she was faster than her pursuer.

Rachel picked up her pace as she entered the next room. This one, she knew, required an employee badge to open. All of the students had been given security badges, of course, primarily for general access to the entrance and main rooms. They worked on some doors in the facility. Some, but not all. She'd never been in these rooms. Privately, she prayed that they'd open for her.

Slamming her badge up against a wall panel, she bounced up and down on the balls of her feet nervously.

"Come on. Come oooon! Take it!!"

It did. The door unlocked, and she swung it open in haste to make for the next locked door, which also granted her entrance.

She was faster than Lana, but it didn't mean the woman wasn't hot on her heels. Brian shut his eyes tightly, huddling against Rachel's chest on the inside of her pocket as she darted about, her hand still cupping him securely. He knew, somehow, that this was about him. His ears rotated this way and that at the duo of clicking feet racing down the linoleum flooring. Who would win? Who was he most valuable to?

It wasn't until the fourth room that Rachel started to panic. Yet again, she'd reached a door asking for proof of access, except this time... her badge was not accepted. She shook the door handle feebly, knowing it wouldn't open; knowing this was the end of the line. Despite himself, Brian peeked out of the shirt pocket, just in time to see Lana as Rachel swiftly turned around to face the woman, who stood at the opposite end of the room, hair askew and chest heaving as she glared at Rachel and her tiny charge.

"You're persistent, I'll give you that," Lana huffed.

"Why do you need him?! Just let me take him and get another subject!" Rachel bit.

"We let you get away with it and you'll set a precedent! You know that!" Lana snapped right back. "And we don't want to waste any more time. We've spent too much money on this project."

"He's just a baby!"

"All of them are meant to be expendable! Hand him over!"

"No!"

Brian's ears flicked. Rachel held her breath. Was it just them, or did they hear... more footsteps?

"You won't have a choice," Lana said flatly, expressionless as she was joined by not one, not two, but five other lab hands, one of the them Jackson, all of them full-time personnel.

"Rachel.... Hand him over," Jackson said, holding out his hand expectantly.

Rachel glared daggers at him, even though she was fully aware of the impossibility of the situation. Like the mouse she was trying so hard to protect, she was trapped, her back against the wall, literally. They were going to take him. They were going to take him and there was nothing she could do about it....

"I told you not to do anything stupid," Jackson continued.

"Please...," Rachel pleaded, breathing heavily. "Please, let me take care of him. I'll train another in his place as compensation, I swear. Just... don't hurt him."

"And then you'll grow attached to that one and try and kidnap it. We've seen it before. You're not the first," Jackson reprimanded.

"Good," said Rachel. "I'm glad I'm not."

Privately, she wondered why she'd ever signed up for this in the first place. She wanted the degree. She wanted it badly. She also loved animals, and knew that following her passion came with sacrifices. What she hadn't counted on was how difficult it would be to accept that. It wasn't feasible, she realized. In fact, it was darn near impossible.

She looked down at the infant trembling in her pocket -- at this little creature that had captured her heart and locked it away, far away from any hopes and dreams of graduating in the medical field of her choosing. "He's not worth it," Lana had said. Was he not? Brian looked up at her, those glossy little eyes staring at her expectantly, trustingly. She smiled sadly at him and, for the last time, cuddled him close, before looking up at the troop across from her.

"If you want him, come and get him," she challenged. They weren't getting him without a fight.

And they rushed at her.

She tried to escape. Oh, she tried... and failed. They grabbed her by the arms as she wrestled against them, cheering Brian on as he somehow managed to escape from her pocket and slip underneath one of the shelving units in the room. But Lana caught him, Brian squeaking as his tail snagged between the beaker and the small metal panel she'd captured him with. He stared at Rachel, his desperate, panicked expression the last thing she saw before being knocked out.

-------

- Two Years Later -

The plan had failed. Rather spectacularly, he might add....

It was the first time in Brain's memory he could ever recall being caught red-handed by any of the personnel at Acme Labs. It was a miracle he and Pinky had managed to escape, but, despite his best attempts, they'd been separated in the process.

He made for a facility some yards away from the main laboratory, sweating as he squeezed under its front door and immediately hid under a cabinet to his right. Lights flashed now and again beyond the windows, desperate voices accompanying them as the scientists searched here and their for the escapees. Brain silently prayed that Pinky had somehow found a suitable hiding spot.

In his position under the cabinet, he backed up against the wall and slid down it, a paw clutching at his chest as he struggled to catch his breath. After a few seconds, he gulped, sniffed, and buried his face in his knees. Stupid. Stupid.... He'd jeopardized their whole mission. What if they'd captured Pinky? What would they do to him? And even if they did escape, where would they go? He'd ruined everything. Everything....

In his haste to remain undetected, he'd neglected to realize that this room... was not entirely devoid of life. It was a small area -- a security office, to be exact. Numerous monitors took up space on a desk, at which someone sat. They slid out of their chair and stepped over to Brain's hiding place. He noticed... and shivered.

Whatever, whomever, it was got down on their knees to peer at him from just outside the dresser.

"Hello...," they said.

It was a woman. Her voice was soft, and kind, but Brain turned his head away from her prying eyes. Typical. In an effort to not get caught he'd inevitably been ratted out. He immediately considered making a run for it, but, for some reason he couldn't explain, he didn't.

"Hey.... Shh. Shh. It's okay, little one. It's okay," cooed the woman. "You wanna come on out...?"

And she held out a hand to him. She didn't try to grab him, or scare him out. She simply... gave him a choice.

But it had been too long. He didn't recognize her, neither she him... until she noticed the tail. Then she knew.

"Brian...?" she breathed, eyes growing wide.

He stared at her, nonplussed, still shivering.

"Brian, it's me. Rachel," she beckoned, her hand still in place. But he didn't move. If anything, he frowned at her. "Brian"?

And she tried everything -- talking to him soothingly; offering him a treat from her pocket. Nothing worked. Brain simply hid his face once more, willing her to go away; to leave him be; to, hopefully, not report him to the authorities if they came to call.

Rachel sighed. She sat up for a moment, thinking, and blinked. Struck with a sudden idea, she rested her hands on her lap... and began to sing....

“La la lu, La la lu, Oh my little star sweeper, I'll sweep the star dust for you...“

Brain blinked... and lifted his head, ever so slowly....

“La la lu, La la lu, Little soft fluffy sleeper, Here comes a pink cloud for you...“

He stood up... and walked forward, right to the edge of the cabinet. She was still singing.

“La la lu, La la lu, Little wandering angel, Fold up your wings, Close your eyes...”

His mouth was fully open now, his round eyes glossy and getting ever shinier. He couldn't pull his gaze away from her face.

“La la lu, La la lu, And may love be your keeper...

La la lu, La la lu, La la lu....”

Rachel stared at him, smiling. He had completely stepped out from under the cabinet by now, his little body trembling slightly.

"Hello, little star sweeper," Rachel whispered to him.

Breath hitching, Brain ran onto her lap, up her shirt, and clutched tightly to her chest, only a second or two going by before he felt those familiar hands hold him gently, securely.

"Oh, Brian...," she choked, kissing his head. He didn't even flinch.

"Why didn't you come back?" he asked, unable to hold back his tears.

"I couldn't," she answered honestly. "But I was able to keep an eye on you from here."

He sniffed and pulled back a little to look around the room. It was, indeed, a security office, and a fairly high end one at that, decked out with all the works.

"I'm an artist now, but in my part time I take the night shift. They at least let me come back for that, probably 'cause Jackson and Lana are gone now," she chuckled softly. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you this time...."

Brain looked up at her, suddenly understanding. All that time they'd never been caught; never been reported. All those months and years that the camera had simply turned a blind eye to their antics. He thought it was simply negligence. Now he knew why.

"Thank you...," Brain whispered. "And it's... Brain now."

"I know," she smiled. “I still watch tv, ya' know. I just still remember you as my 'Brian'. I'm sorry, Brain."

He couldn't help but smile. All this time....

"Come with me?" Rachel asked him.

"Where?"

"Back to my place. I'll hide you. You can have the guest room, if you'd like."

A sharp knock at the door startled them both, and she quickly ran to her desk, Brain in her hands. She lifted him up and under the desk.

"There's a hidden panel in the roof! Get in it!" she whispered to him urgently.

He found it, albeit with a little difficulty. He pushed at a little area that looked as if it had been cut into... and down shifted a small cubby in which she kept an assortment of odd bits and bobs that were probably not supposed to be in her possession -- special looking keys and badges, among other things. He slipped into it, and Rachel pushed it closed before walking over to answer the door....

Another barrage of bangs thundered at the entrance as Rachel opened it, a hand on her hip as she held the door ajar, doing her best to look as ticked off as possible.

"Sheesh! Gimme a minute to finish pouring my tea! Gosh...."

Outside stood two gentlemen, both in lab coats, looking frantic.

"Have you seen a mouse?" one of them said. He was taller and appeared to be the leader. "White. Large cranium. He was with a companion."

Rachel shrugged.

"Is that what you guys have been looking for?"

"You haven't seen them on your cameras?" the second man asked, panting a little.

Rachel shook her head.

"No, I haven't seen anything."

The men exchanged glances.

"We'd better search the place, just to make sure," the leader said, and without further ado they barged in and began searching every nook, cranny, drawer, and trash can they could. They failed to find the hidden cubby, however. "Can we ask you to roll back the footage?"

"Sure, but you're not gonna find anything," Rachel shrugged again.

They did as permitted, scrutinizing every bit of film captured within the last ten minutes. Although they managed to catch one or two glimpses of the mice leaving the lab, as expected, they couldn't find hair no hide of them on any other roll. Behind their backs, Rachel smirked. Smart little guy. Even on the run, he'd purposely made sure not to walk in the path of the cameras.

After several more minutes of scrutiny, they finally gave up, heading for the door in a huff.

"Sorry for your time. Report to us if you find anything," said the leader.

"No problem," Rachel said, shutting the door with a snap behind them and sighing deeply. Yeah, right..., she thought.

Going back to her desk, she pushed open the hidden cubby. It lowered down and Brain immediately jumped into her hand, breathing rather heavily.

"Sorry, little one," Rachel apologized. I can imagine it's pretty stuffy in there...."

He gave her a look, albeit not a very harsh one. He had no reason to complain.

She raised her hand, allowing him to jump up onto her shoulder.

"They'll be back later to go over more footage," Rachel warned, sitting down at her desk and leaning back in her chair.

"I know," Brain said, licking at his paws and smoothing out his frazzled fur.

Rachel jumped a little and stared at him.

"Heh. I forgot you guys talk now...."

"Is that a problem...?" Brain asked, a little nervously.

Rachel smiled.

"Not at all."

She reached out a hand to scratch at a spot behind his ears.

"What are you...? Ohhhh-ho-ho-ho...," Brain melted, reeling a little at first before giving way to a goofy smile and a thumping foot as he pressed into the touch.

"Still got that little sensitive spot, huh?" Rachel chuckled, her scratches evolving into a head massage.

Brain practically fell off her shoulder, Rachel catching him in her hands and raising him up to eye level, the better to get a good look at him. He cleared his throat, embarrassed. How demoralizing.... But Rachel simply beamed at him.

"You know... I really missed you."

"I... wish I could say the same...," Brain confessed, shuffling a foot. He imagined he had thought of her often, as an infant, but over time the memories simply... faded.

Rachel didn't look upset, though.

"I understand. It's okay. I still love you."

"I...," Brain began, then stopped. No. He couldn't bring himself to say it. Even with Pinky he couldn't ever admit such a thing, and he loved Pinky most of all.

"You don't have to say it. I know you do in your heart," Rachel said, and she kissed him tenderly on the top of his head.

His ears flattened as she did it, and he almost immediately smoothed out the area where she'd kissed him, but he couldn't hide the blush tickling his cheeks and ears. Her behavior was cheesy as all get out, but privately he knew she was right. He did care, even if he'd never admit it.

Just then, something, or... someone, slipped underneath the door. A white-furred, lanky somebody.

"Pinky!!" Brain yelped.

Brain leapt off of Rachel in a flash, landing hard on the floor and limping a little as he ran into Pinky's outstretched arms.

"Brain!!" Pinky shouted right back. "Oh, I thought I'd never see you again!!"

He twirled him around in a circle or two before Brain became aware of what he was doing and promptly pushed himself out of Pinky's grasp, clearing his throat, once again embarrassed.

"Y-Yes, well.... I'm... glad you're safe, Pinky," Brain replied awkwardly, patting his companion on the head.

"Ohhh! Who's this, Brain?" Pinky asked, pointing up at Rachel, who still sat in her computer chair, smiling down at them both.

"Umm.... Pinky, this is Rachel. She's... an old friend."

"Nice to meet you, Pinky! I've heard a lot about you. Well, maybe not heard, but... I've seen you guys on the tv a lot!" Rachel said, beaming.

"You have?!" Pinky gasped, clasping two paws to his face in surprise. "Did you hear that, Brain? We're famous!!"

"Pinky, we've been famous many times, all of them never lasting as long as I'd like...," Brain recollected.

"Well, yes, Brain, but never to a friend!"

Rachel smiled and leaned forward a little.

"I have a proposition for you guys."

"For both of us? Is that legal, Brain?" Pinky whispered to his cage mate, looking concerned, to which Brain facepalmed.

"Proposition, Pinky, not proposal."

"Ohhhhhhhhh. Well, that's different then, isn't it?" Pinky said, nodding eagerly to Rachel.

"How would you guys like to come room at my place? Just for as long as you need until you can get off your feet."

Once again, Pinky gasped excitedly.

"Can we, Brain?!"

"Well...," Brain pondered, hesitating. The offer, though generous, made him feel rather... helpless and awkward, as if he was intruding.

"You're welcome to any of the food and stuff. I've got havarti," she smirked.

Pinky gasped again.

"Oh, please, please, please, please, pleeeeaaaaase, Brain?!?" Pinky pleaded again.

"You're... sure you wouldn't mind?" Brain asked. "I'd hate to intrude...."

"My house is yours," Rachel said genuinely. "And it comes with a pool table," she added, winking at Pinky.

Pinky was doing his utmost to contain a squeal, biting his lip and practically bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. Brain rolled his eyes.

"Oh, all right...," he relented.

"YAAAAAY!!" exclaimed Pinky, jumping into Rachel's outstretched hand, followed by Brain, as she lifted them up onto her shoulder.

"You'll have to hide in my backpack on the way to the car," she said. "The next guy is about to swap out with me."

And she pulled her backpack up from off the floor and plopped it onto the desk, opening it up. Pinky sprung off her shoulder as if it was a diving board, plunging into the depths of the backpack, which, by all accounts, wasn't very deep. Pinky didn't seem to mind, though. He had fun "swimming" around amongst the snacks, car keys, pencils, wallet, and little sketchpad all the same. Brain simply shook his head, unable to keep a smile off his face. What an idiot.

Rachel was as good as her word. They were given the guest bedroom, along with access to the rest of the house, food included. Provided they didn't draw too much attention to themselves, they were allowed to tinker and plan all they liked within the safety of the back room, and lie low they did, for Acme Labs was on the hunt for a good number of weeks before they gave up on finding them entirely.

Pinky was quite fond of the seemingly unlimited amount of cheese available in the fridge, along with the plethora of movies Rachel had at her disposal. He was often to be found in front of the television, and if he wasn't there he was by Brain's side almost constantly. Brain was most grateful for the space in which to concoct experiments and conjure up plans for world domination, although he had to improvise more often than not, seeing as he didn't have all of the lab's equipment at his beck and call anymore. It was something he sorely missed, but he couldn't say he minded the warm bed and good food that came with their new living quarters either. It was... nice.

Once in a blue moon (which ended up being once a month), Pinky would request Lady and the Tramp for movie night, not just because he liked it, but because of Brain's unusual reaction to it. He liked to watch him subconsciously lean up against Rachel as they sat next to her, eventually breaking down into a fit of silent tears as "La La Lu" danced around the room. Sometimes Rachel would pick him up, holding him close and massaging his head as he calmed against her chest. Oftentimes, Pinky would join them, cuddling up next to Brain as they nuzzled together in Rachel's warm hands.

"I love you, Brain," Pinky would mumble sweetly, giving him an extra squeeze.

"I love you, little one," whispered Rachel, petting him softly.

I love you, too, said Brain in his own little way, holding them both just a tiny bit tighter, a smile creeping its way up onto his face. It was nice, being loved....

~ I love you, too. ~

The End

-------------

The ending of this is meant to be sort of an alternate to Pinky, Elmyra, and the Brain. What if they'd ended up there after running away from Acme instead of at Elmyra's?

I didn’t realize until after writing this that it makes no sense for Rachel to be cool with Brain talking one minute, only to be surprised by it the next. It’s a glaring error on my part, but I left it in as a reminder to myself that I need to be more careful. Lol.

Technically, this whole thing is a self-insert, although the name of the girl is not my real name. It’s actually the cognomen of my very first rat. Ha-ha. But the personality of the character is me -- how I talk; act around animals; and most likely what I’d do if put into this situation. The exception is the chase scene. I don’t think I’d act that... panicked? Who knows, though....

This is kind of a way I show compassion for Brain, seeing as I cannot, of course, give him an actual hug. I love Brain more than any other fictional character I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching on screen. It’s not a romantic love or anything. Certainly not. It’s more... maternal. The desire to love and protect is strong. That combination of: individual with a tragic backstory + laboratory setting + main character who happens to be a mouse = the perfect concoction to turn my heart to mush. I owned rats for many years and have a great love for animals, and tend to get attached to certain fictional characters, so here you have the result. He’d be as averse as ever to physical affection, but if I could hold Brain in my hands, plant a kiss on his head, and tell him he’s loved. I would. Thank God for Pinky.

[alyblacklist]

Do you think the keenler storyline is going anywhere? I used to be sure that it was, I mean why else would they have them kiss and have sex. However now that Liz has been gone for five episodes and she is being quite mean to Ressler (the whole pointing a gun to his head and pretty much telling Cooper about them sleeping together) I feel like a relationship between them will never happen and the writers are just trying to make us forget or dislike Keenler.

Ok, on to the asks about Ressler/Keenler in 8x09 where things were said, but only through contact lenses and earpieces. Thoughts below the jump, because it’s a long post that will (hopefully) address all of these at least in part.

I do think it was Liz speaking through the doppelganger at all relevant times. They haven’t given me a reason not to think that at this point. She knew things only Liz could know. So I assume (unless we get new info) that everything Mia Collins said to Ressler was actually Liz telling her what to say to him (and likewise to Aram and Cooper). I did express to BlacklistRoom on Twitter that they were evil for having faux-Liz call Ressler “Donald” on screen before real Liz does. And at first, I thought maybe that was some sort of signal to Ressler that things were amiss because real Liz wouldn’t do that, but in the end I think it was just the writers playing their usual games. NOT because they hate Keenler or Keenler fans (they’re the ones who made Keenler canon, for God’s sake), but just because they love to toy with fan emotion. They give you a Wing Yee birthday nugget one ep, they throw in a loose “Donald” in another from the lips of a faux-Liz. They know exactly the emotional points to hit if they’re paying attention to social media (and they certainly are, to a point). 

I did catch that accurate observation on Twitter that the doppelganger did not have her finger on the trigger while pointing the gun at Ressler’s head. I’d like to think the actress and crew are careful enough to catch such things as her finger was nowhere near that trigger (and she knew how to shoot that unnamed FBI agent during the chase) so I hope that was purposeful, perhaps as a small signal to the audience that Liz never really intended to hurt Ressler, even though he of course couldn’t see what was going on behind his head. A nod, at least, to the idea that Liz doesn’t really mean to hurt him.

Before I get too much deeper into my personal impressions of the scene, I want to specifically address the anon who wonders if she’s alone in finding it hard to root for Liz or Keenler in all this.

Of course you’re not.

Darker Liz isn’t for everyone. If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me Ressler deserves better than Liz over the past five years, I’d be able to buy you dinner (even at NYC prices). Never mind how many have abandoned the ship over that exact issue or related issues over the seasons. But I also think you know that I don’t share your viewpoint. Maybe that’s why you send me asks, or maybe you’re just using my inbox as an outlet to find those who agree with you. I don’t know and it doesn’t matter (although I admit if it’s the latter, publishing your thoughts on your OWN page rather than in my inbox might be preferable because as much as I enjoy asks to a point, I’m a little tired of ship hand-holding asks. I like what I like and trying to explain it or defend it gets a little tiring.)

All I can say is after five years of deep investment in this fandom and these characters, it takes a LOT more than an absent female lead and a bumpy episode to capsize my ship and send me into the pit of despair. For me, this is the expected price we pay for the ship being canon now versus only at the very end of the show. The Blacklist has never been about showing smooth, happy, relationships. Angst, drama, tension is the name of the game. You have to decide for yourself whether you can stomach that on a week to week basis and especially this season because they warned us – “good AND difficult” – difficult!  - for Keenler. I reconcile the conflict by the fact that Ressler still WANTS Liz and BELIEVES in Liz despite her flaws and if he does, then so do I. The man has some blinders when it comes to Liz, certainly, but not the sort that they love to mock him for on screen. He’s not thinking solely with his male parts brain, he’s thinking with his actual, in his head brain and he LOVES this woman despite her crazy and I love that about him. He’s smarter than most people give him credit for. And I am also of the view that real life and ships do not need to be equivalents. You can love two flawed fictional TV characters without being a person who wants to see those things manifest in real life. (I also ship Wanda and Vision for the record).

So I think we can all agree that this episode – and Liz’s absence generally – has been more “difficult” than good Keenler-wise. Ressler himself told us in those early episodes before her departure that it’s different if you see her, and it certainly is. We’ve been robbed of Liz’s thoughts and emotions entirely ever since she last graced our screen in Ep. 8x04. (And of Ressler’s reaction to said departure, for the most part). At the same time, I think Liz recognizes that too as she hasn’t to our knowledge directly engaged with Cooper, Aram OR Ressler since she left except through surrogates. Purposeful choices on the part of the diabolical writers.

As I said in my earlier ask response tonight, I remain of the view that Liz is in control of her actions and is doing her own risk/benefit assessment in how she responds to the situations she finds herself in. 

I do NOT think that means she has lost all emotion or feeling for Cooper, Aram OR Ressler, but as she explained to Townsend, “Reddington has an army on both sides of the law. I can’t do this alone. I need a partner.” She believes that the Task Force – all of them – are tied to Reddington in their own way, including Ressler, and she doesn’t expect them to violate those arrangements/principles for her. She’s moving outside the boundaries of those relationships to shed light on the secrets that she believes are being kept. Did she involve them this week?  Yes, but I think only because Townsend forced her hand on dealing with his sister. I doubt she would’ve sent her double to the Post Office otherwise. (I totally agree that the Post Office needs better security protocols btw – the idea that Liz can continually breach their defenses has become absolutely laughable at this point).

But, part of that is personal relationships.  She needed Ressler to give her the door codes and he did. Why? Not because he’s her patsy or her f--- boy or whatever derogatory term someone wants to slap on him (!), but because he loves her, flaws and all. The whole letting her go/letting him go thing has always had double meaning, back to S2. 

Cyranoid Liz: You should let me go. Ressler: Those days are over. Cyranoid Liz: Why? Nothing’s changed.

Has nothing changed? He let her go in S2 and then she shot Tom Connolly and he beat himself up over it. Then, the “I can’t let her go” (Ressler pointing the gun in S3 outside the Russian embassy), followed by that car chase and then Red in the next episode, Eli Matchett:

Red: Ressler is a law-enforcement robot. The FBI winds him up– Liz: That’s not true. He’s a person. He’s a good person. Red: Look at me. You need to let that go, Lizzy. I have survived for a very long time now, and I assure you, I didn’t do it by relying on the goodness in people.

I’d submit it has and it hasn’t. All these seasons later, she is once again having a hard time letting him go and so is he (with respect to her).

Ressler: Why’d you call? Liz: I don’t know. I guess– because every time we say goodbye, I’m afraid we might actually mean it.

Both with eyes open wider this time and yet, still wanting the peaceful night, free of all the distractions. 

Yes, he let Liz’s double go physically without much protest. Emotionally? He hasn’t let go of Liz. Not one bit. And Liz saw that, through her cyranoid. He’s still on her side. He still wants to believe in her, no matter what she’s putting him through (and poor Ressler, he’s really enduring a lot – though I hope the tide will turn on that at some point).  He had no reason to open that door, and yet – he did. He doesn’t want that one night to be just ONE night and deep down, I don’t think she does either.

“I won’t give up on you.” 

He hasn’t, yet. “But I still need to do my job, Keen.” She better not push him too far because the day he does is the day I worry. He’s desperate not to repeat the mistakes of the past, he’s desperate to trust her this time. Not because he’s thinking with his small man-part-brain, but with his HEART. He loves her. He’ll do anything he can for her within the limits of his conscience. They are each others’ second chance.

I don’t view Keenler or Ressler’s feelings for Liz or Liz’s manipulations of Ressler as fatal to the ship because I accept that this whole thing – Liz’s mission – is the battle for her soul  that the writers have teased for years . Which side will win? Hopefully the right one. The hopeful one. The one that makes second chances happen.

Cheers.

[nerdybirdboy]

how can you not see that jack is abusive? he's yelling in tim's face, leaving him alone for long periods and continuously guilt tripping him. that's just a few things and it's abuse.

rp related ask || anon

Hi,

Ok, let me explain myself. First of all, as I write in the relationship post, it's okay to not agree with me, everyone have their right to their view. You can always unfollow/softblock/block me if you think my view on their relationship is more than you can handle. I'm not one to go and search for who does that.

1.) Yelling in Tim's face. Yes, this is bad, but yelling in someone's face isn't abuse and Jack never hit Tim and we never get to see him yell in his face like that again. Tbf he thought that Tim had tried and done something sexual with a girl, though he obviously shouldn't have yelled in his face and he should've listened to Tim's side. But I still don't call this abuse and I believe most of us experience this at least once with a parent.

2.) Leaving Tim alone. Should Jack have been home more? Yes. Was Tim all alone? No. He was usually at boarding school and when that wasn't possible, like during short breaks, he stayed in their penthouse with their housekeeper and he was therefore not completely alone.

3.) Guilt tripping. Doesn't all parents do this to a certain degree? "Think about the starving children in Africa", "after all I've done for you" and so on. Not the best thing to do, but it seem to be a standard parenting thing.

There you go. That's my take on those points. Hopefully that shed some light on how I view it.

[cononeillbreastingboobily]

Otis and Eric are very similar in that they lead their love interests to believe they really truly care about them right before throwing them away like garbage

Maybe?

Although I don't think it's as simple as that, anon.

Although I'm not all for Otis' decision to want to be official with Ruby if he wasn't really falling in love with her at that point, I do have to give him some grace here - when she said she loved him he didn't say it back. He could've said it back despite not feeling it, which would've led to sooo much more drama, which frankly, I don't think s3 could fit any more drama in it. So of course, she got her heart broken, but at least it happened somewhat early on? Although, as we saw during the France trip, she wasn't over him by then, and we don't know how she's been doing later, but by the end of the season she seems kinda over it really? Hopefully. She's my favourite girlboss, I hope she finds some of her own happiness by the end of the show 🥺

As for Eric, I don't think we can say in no uncertain terms how he views romantic relationships, we can only see the consequences of his actions. But yeah, it's interesting when you compare his relationship with Rahim and with Adam - in both cases he wasn't the one to say "I love you" first, which I do think is rather significant. I hope we will get a closer look at Eric's psyche next season, because for the past 3 seasons we've only really been observing his actions, and we weren't really allowed access to his head. Personally I'm hoping to see what shaped his view of relationships and romantic love. Perhaps we're going to get a flashback with baby Eric next season that would shed some light on it?

I don't know. But that would definitely be very interesting to see.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Silent Night

Based on this: “You aren’t a big fan of Christmas and just want to get out of the city and away from the hustle and bustle. However the one and only Captain America has had his eyes on you and wants to spend a perfect Christmas with you whether you like it or not."requested by anonymous.

Warnings: noncon sex (fingering, intercourse)

Note: Okay, so I’ll be working on holiday drabbles over the next few days.  Hopefully one or two a day if I can manage! Thanks for all the requests so far and I’m working at keeping up.

Hope y’all enjoy. Like and/or reblog!! <3 Reblogs really help especially since I haven’t been getting many.

A quiet Christmas. A once in a lifetime occasion. Convincing your parents to let you skip the family dinner had been a task in itself, only exchangeable for your labour. The old cabin your aunt hadn’t visited since her fall down the stairs a year ago was far away that it guaranteed a holiday undisturbed. A favour, you negotiated, a gift for your aunt who would soon be in shape to once more respite to the northern forests. The place must be dusty, it would need a cleaning before that. Your selfish reclusivity disguised as generosity.

More difficult had been your departure from work for the two weeks that encapsulated both Christmas and New Years Eve. Stark was the festive sort and Nat was the talkative sort. She’d let slip just as you informed your boss you’d be away and unable to attend his respective holiday parties that you hated the time of year. You cringed and it told Tony all he needed to know. But, begrudging and with a vow you’d attend the next year, he approved the time away. You scowled at Nat and promised her payback.

The drive was peaceful. The further you drove along the single lane highway, the deeper the snows grew, the quieter the air. You thought of how nice it would be to be alone. Somewhere where even the howls of wolves were muted in the sheets of snow, completely serene. 

Not hiding in the corner of the room as others drank and made merry in the false spirit of the season. Not putting on a smile to assuage propriety. Not lying about your plans for the days of cheer. Only you and nature and silence. Well, maybe some non-Christmassy music too.

Then your mind strayed. You had tried to be covert. Tried not to let on your pending absence. FOMA was not an emotion for you, in fact you feared having to partake. You made Nat swear not to tell anyone else; not to let Wanda know until it was too late, not to goad Pepper into her nagging, not to allude to Peter that his “second aunt” would be miles away. 

It had almost gone to plan. You woke up early to leave. You lifted your bag, afraid the wheels would give away your escape. You crept to the elevator but when the doors opened, Steve was there. He didn’t miss the guilty frown or the suitcase. He stayed on the elevator, though he’d only just taken it up, and made the descent with you.

“You’re leaving us?” He wondered. “Without a goodbye?”

“I’ll be back. I just didn’t want a whole...thing,” You gripped your suitcase and his hand settled next to yours.

“Let me help you with your bag at least,” He offered. “A Christmas present since you won’t get mine until you return.”

“Present? You didn’t have to--don’t have to--”

“What is it? You hate us, don’t you? Just put up with us for the paycheck?” He kidded.

“Steve,” You rebuked and he subtly tugged the bag away from you. “You know that’s not it.”

“Family?” He asked.

“Well...not exactly.” You admitted as the doors opened and he waved you out ahead of him.

“Not exactly?”

“I’m doing a favour for my aunt. Cleaning out her old summer cabin.” You explained as he followed you across the lobby. “A nice solitary reprieve.”

“Oh, are we that chaotic?”

“Not what I meant,” You grumbled as you passed into the parking garage. “Really. I’ll see you after when the city isn’t so...shiny.”

“Alright.” He wheeled your bag to your car as you popped the trunk. “But I don’t think you realize how much we’ll miss you.”

“You’ll survive,” You scoffed as he lifted your suitcase into the car. 

“Mmhmm,” He nodded and you closed the trunk.

“Don’t,” You warned him. “I already got the guilt trip from Tony. You’re better than him.”

“Sure I am,” He shrugged and you shook your head. 

“Alright, enough. I gotta go.”

Your farewell was more than that. Steve was persistent, as always. You’d finally managed to get a final goodbye as you were halfway in the car and he blocked you from closing the door. Maybe he didn’t realize how often he was in your way. How often he was at your desk gabbing away as you tried to concentrate on Tony’s chicken scratch or how he always found you on your lunch and kept you from listening to the latest episode of that one podcast. Maybe he didn’t, or maybe he did. Maybe the golden boy was a bit more tarnished than he let on. Or maybe he was as oblivious as he seemed.

You tore your mind back to the road. To the dull lights that shone in your rear view. When had they shown up? You were the only car for the last little stretch, not many ventured into this area later than September. You squinted at the car, the specks of snow obscuring it enough to be just discernible, and looked back to the road ahead. 

You were almost there, hopefully before the snow made the way impassable. Before you were forced to park your car in the forest and trek the rest on foot. You’d done it once before, but without the feet of snow to slow you. You wondered if you’d even make it should it come to that.

You made it though. The headlights disappeared from your mind and when you turned off they passed smoothly. You continued up the winding path, just wide enough for your car. Slow, steady, safe. When you pulled up to the side of the cabin you sighed. You’d have to shovel your way in, and maybe out when all was said and done.

You awkwardly pulled on your snow pants in the cramped interior of your car. You hit your head and elbows several times before you were left out of breath but protected. You had to push your way through the snow and into the garage. The shovel was covered in frozen cobwebs, the dusty and undisturbed space smelled like snow and isolation.

You grabbed the shovel and turned back. The snow continued to fall, adding to your chore. A few paths, to the door, to the car, around the back. It’d tire you out and see you til the morning when the real work began.

-

Your first day was spent dusty and wiping down the tables and walls. The work carried over into the second when at last you managed to sit still for more than a couple minutes. There was wood left in the shed but you were nervous you’d be out in the drifts, almost taller than yourself now, chopping more. You didn’t use much in the summertime when it was reserved for evening fires. Now it was shoved in the stove to heat the front room where you huddled under a blanket and shivered.

The generator powered the 70s style fridge but little else. You were left to flashlights and even an old oil lamp your aunt had bought at a yard sale. It was close to evening, the sky a pale blue threatening to turn pitch black. You sat with a book open in front of you, the words bolder in the reserved quiet of the cabin.

Your cell held the pages down, lifeless and without signal. Your mom couldn’t remind you of your desertion, Tony couldn’t try to guilt you, Nat couldn’t send those weird memes that were frighteningly dark. You were entirely unbothered by the winter owls and the distant snowy creatures of the trees. Christmas Eve had never been so perfect.

The date was in the back of your mind. You’d barely take note of it if it wasn’t on the lock screen. You moved to the sofa and reclined to read another chapter, yawning and curling into a ball. You’d been sleeping there to stay close to the stove and feed it in the early hours to keep it from dying. 

Another half chapter and your eyes were closing against your will. You closed the book around your phone and set it on the floor beside the couch. You pulled the blanket to your chin and clicked off the flashlight. You nestled into the cushions, the fire crackling and coaxing you deeper. You fell asleep, a slumber unusually rapt on the night before Christmas.

You didn’t wake to stoke the fire though, not that you realized in your sleep. Undisturbed, unworried. Until you did wake and not of your own accord.

The old cabin was known for its creaks and cracks. First built in the thirties and renovated in the seventies, it was expected. But this wasn’t a groan of aged wood, or the wind battering the old shingles, it was a footstep, and then another, and another. Soft against the hardwood, the clink of dishes, the sound of living.

Your eyes opened and you saw the stove glowing amber; finely stocked and burning boldly. Your heart seized and you sat up so suddenly you had to keep yourself from toppling to the thin carpet below. Surely a bear wouldn’t be so tactful, so careful.

You turned and looked into the kitchen. You recognized the golden head, the broad shoulders as the intruder stood at the kitchen stove. The smell of pancakes filled the cabin and you shivered as the blanket fell from your shoulders. You stood but he didn’t seem to notice. 

You tiptoed to the fireplace and grabbed a log from the stack. Surely a meagre weapon against him but what the fuck was he doing here? Steve Rogers in your aunt’s cabin, uninvited and quite possibly, unhinged.

You neared the door of the kitchen and he turned back to you. You held the log at the ready to swing. He held a spatula and was entirely unfazed by your fearful approach.

“Did I wake you?” He asked as if all was as it should be.

“What--What the hell are you doing here?” You clung to the log as he stepped closer.

“You can’t spend Christmas alone,” He said coolly. “I couldn’t let you.”

“Better yet, h-how did you even--did you follow me here?” You pointed the log at him as he tried to step closer. “No. Don’t. Steve, this is weird.”

“It’s dangerous here. All the snow. Out here alone. You need someone.” He replied as he turned back and flipped the pancakes. “Go on and grab a plate, these are almost done.”

You flinched. What was wrong with him? This wasn’t the Steve you knew. Well, it was in that he was sweetly making you breakfast but he was also intruding on your privacy. You stepped closer with the log and poked him. 

“Steve, you need to go,” You said. “Now.”

“Now that’s not very grateful, is it?” He ignored the log and went to the cupboard. He pulled out two plates onto the counter and switched off the stove. He piled the flapjacks on them and went to the fridge to find the syrup. “I’ve come here to keep you company, to keep you safe, and I’ve even made you breakfast.”

“I didn’t ask you to.” You kept the wood in front of you as he opened the silver drawer. “You’re really freaking me out.”

“And you want me to go out? Into the storm?” He nodded to the window, white with the whirl of the blizzard just outside. “I barely made it here.”

“Steve,” You whined. “Steve, stop.” You jabbed him harder with the log. He dropped the cutlery on the counter and turned to you slowly. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing is--” He grabbed the log and wrenched it from your grip. “Wrong with me.” He broke it in half easily and dropped it. “What is wrong with you?”

“You’re not supposed to be here.” You insisted as you backed away.

“Will you just sit down and eat your breakfast?”

“I don’t want to. I want you to go.” You said.

“Jesus,” He breathed and wiped his hands on his jeans. “You always do this. You’re such a little tease.”

“What are you talking about?” You felt around as you passed through the doorway backward and he neared slowly.

“I might be born last century but I’m not stupid,” He said. “Your blouses, that smile, the way you chew on your pen when we talk, that fake laugh you put on.”

“Steve, you’re wrong, I never--”

“I just want you to have a Christmas to remember. For us to make our first Christmas special.”

You gulped and peered around. You looked back to him and lunged for the poker leaned against the wall. He grabbed it before you and tossed it away just as he pulled you back. He spun you around and threw you against the sofa. You fell onto it with a painful bounce and tried to push yourself back up. He was on you in and instant.

“Steve!” You yelped. “Steve, please stop!”

You beat on his chest as he wrestled with you. You had to be dreaming. This was some sick nightmare. He was so strong, so decisive. You tried to wake up, hit him hoping you would suddenly jolt up and find the cabin empty, but your eyes were already open and this was just as real as it felt.

He soon had you beneath him, straddled and squirming as he held your hands beside your head. You kicked your legs helplessly and he squeezed your hips between his thick thighs. His blue eyes were dilated and sinister as he pinned you down.

“Shhh, calm down. Please,” He tried to soothe you. “Honey, you can’t open your presents if you’re bad.”

“Honey? Don’t call me honey!” You spat. “Get off of me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” He said. “Please, don’t make me.”

You stilled suddenly. You stared up at him, shocked. Was that a threat? From Steve Rogers? Well, he was on top of you and you felt the twitch in his jeans as he stared down at you.

“You wouldn’t,” You gasped.

“Only if you make me,” His voice was low and grimy. “Don’t make me.”

“Steve,” You pleaded in a whisper. “Please,” You tried to move and barely jostled him. “Let me go.”

He closed his eyes and huffed. He lowered his head and squeezed your wrists. He was angry, frustrated. You were terrified.

“You’ve already let our breakfast go cold,” His words were measured though his tone trembled. “You better start listening, honey, or you’ll ruin the whole day for us.”

“Steve, please…”

“Don’t.”

“Steve.”

“No. Don’t make me.”

“Steve, please, you’re scaring me.”

He let go of your wrists and for a moment, you thought he would get off of you. But he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed the neck of your loose sweatshirt and the tear of fabric was like a crack of lightning. The thin tank top beneath showed your nipples, hard from chill air, and he ripped it just as swiftly.

“No,” You tried to bat his hands away, tried to keep them from your bare chest. 

He pushed past your struggles and ground his pelvis into you. “You have to be good.” He hissed. “Or I’ll be bad.”

“Stop,” You sobbed. “Steve.”

You tried to shove him away but he didn’t relent. He bent over you, sliding back just slightly. He held your chin in his large hand as his other tweaked your nippled painfully. “Shhh,” He pressed his lips to yours and muffled your pleas. 

His hand continued to toy with you, kneading and pinching painfully. He groaned into your mouth and rocked his hips against you. His hand moved lower as his other threatened to break your jaw. You were forced to open your mouth and he quickly devoured you.

He tugged at the elastic of your sweatpants, hooked his fingers under your cotton panties as he pulled them lower. You reached down to keep them at your waist but he yanked them sharply from your grasp. He lifted his pelvis as he edge them down your thighs.  

He withdrew from your lip and held you down with a hand on your chest as his other worked at your pants. You grabbed his wrist, unable to budge him as your pants reached your knees. He got to his knees and you wriggled to get away. 

He caught you and pulled your legs out from beneath him. He leaned them against his torso, your feet at his shoulders. He pressed his thighs around your ass as he reached down between your legs. You squirmed and pushed at his hand. Kicked your tangled legs against him. He grabbed your ankles in one hand and held them to his left shoulder.

He shoved his fingers between your thighs and forced them between your folds. He shuddered and pulled his hand away. Your eyes widened, hopeful again. You tried to move your legs but he kept them firm against him. You looked down as he unbuttoned his fly.

“Steve.” You begged. “Steve, I’ll be good.”

“Too late,” He warned. “All you had to do was listen, honey. But you wouldn’t.”

You wheezed as he unzipped his jeans and you looked away as he revealed the head of his swollen cock. You felt him pull himself out entirely and you closed your eyes. You reached down to shove him away with just your fingertips. He ignored you, if he noticed your pathetic resistance at all.

He moved your legs. Pulled them as wide as they would go still caught in your sweats. Not much but enough. He held your left knee and guided himself along your most tender spot. You tried again to draw away but he had you trapped. He leaned over you, bending your legs just slightly as he rubbed his tip against your pussy.

He pushed inside just a little. You were too tight and too dry. You exclaimed and he pulled out. He sighed and you opened your eyes to watch him lick his fingers. You grunted desperately. “Please, don’t.”

He rubbed his slick fingers along you, wetted them again and forced them inside of you. He pressed his thumb to your clit and your body stiffened. Despite your fear, your body responded. He licked his fingers a third time, to taste, to add a little more, and shoved them even deeper.

He played with you a bit and then pulled his fingers out to spread your juices along his cock. He pressed his tip to you again, this time he slid in easily but not painlessly. He didn’t ease himself in. He pushed himself to his limit and past yours and you cried out.

“Ow! Ow! Steve, it hurts. Get off! You’re hurting me, please!”

“I told you,” He thrust once, sharply. “To be good.” He thrust again and you writhed in agony.

You gritted your teeth as you tried to hold back your yelps. He rocked against you steadily, each time you winced at the strain. His hands went to your thighs as he brought himself as deep as he could go. He leaned over you, your back curved as he curled your body beneath him. 

He planted his hands beside you as he raised himself over you. He lifted his pelvis and slammed it down, each time adding to the reverberations along your spine. He hammered you into the cushions as you whined. He watched your face as he worked against you, his pupils dark and wide. You grabbed his biceps and dug your nails into his skin.

“It really h--” Your breath caught. Surprised by the sudden tickle that crested the pain. “St-op...It--no.”

You covered your face with your hands as the coil wound tighter. You were ashamed and shocked at your response. The suddenness of the rise. The sounds of his cock gliding in and out of you added to the heat. Filled your head lewdly and carried you higher. You grunted as you were drawn thin and then the release washed over you.

He kept a hand beside you and pulled away your hands as you came. You closed your eyes and he carried on. Never wavered, only sped up. Didn’t let up as he chased another hill and you were forced over the edge again. You could feel his eyes on you, could feel his pleasure at stealing yours.

His groans grew louder and mingled with the sound of his body against yours. They sickening symphony reached its climax and you felt his release. Felt the gush within you as his hips jerked wildly. He emptied in himself inside you. Let forth all that he’d repressed. Anger, longing, resent; every ounce of it spilled out. He was left panting and weak, crushing your legs beneath him as he barely kept himself from slumping over you entirely.

He pushed himself back onto his knees. He pulled out and let your legs fall. Your body twisted as your knees hinged over the edge of the couch. You were shaking as you pulled your sweatshirt over your chest and his large hand settled on your ass. He caressed you, as if he cared, as if he had been sweet.

“We should eat,” He said as he drew away. The couch shifted as he stood and you heard his zipper. “Then we can start opening presents.”

[enigma2meagain]

RWBY Thoughts on Rhodes: To Be Lawful or Good

Rhodes is someone I had quite a few thoughts in regards to him a while back, and while some bits have had time to be rethought due to there being a fair bit of time between that episode and now, thus I had more time to think my points through, the general gist is the same.

Rhodes is interesting in how he's framed throughout the backstory. He did go out of his way to help Cinder, probably much more than anyone else ever did in her entire life up until that point.

But the question is: did he really do enough, and is he really the good guy in the backstory?

The thing is, for all of his help in training Cinder to be a Huntress, it should be emphasized that he started when she was 10 years old, and the Exam could only be taken when you're 17 years old. The thing is, for him, that's something he can always walk away from since he's just a customer at the very high class (and racist, given the anti-Faunus sign near the end before he finds Cinder murdering her stepfamily), so for him the wait isn't an issue.

Additionally it has to be noted, Rhodes was a customer at the place Cinder worked at, and given that he clearly had people he knew there and the first time he was showing off his weapons to the local elites who frequented the place (given that the place looks very expensive and has high class food, it's probably an upperclass establishment; more on that later), probably a frequent customer. And to reiterate, it also had that anti-Faunus sign near the end, which paints it as being openly racist.

All of these tidbits paint an interesting picture (to me) of Rhodes, and also acts as another view of the type of Huntsmen in the world of Remnant.

The Types of Huntsmen We’ve Seen So Far

Dee and Dudley from Volume 6 were a demonstration of Huntsmen who, while not necessarily weak, were essentially middling to average nobodies nowhere near the par of our heroes, but who nonetheless also exhibited arrogance and a willingness to extort potential marks for "better" services. Showing the first of the shadier aspects of Huntsmen life.

The Ace Ops are Atlesian Huntsmen who chose to throw away the independent nature of the Huntmen to merge with the military and creating what is essentially a secret police in service to Ironwood, who for what they gain in limitless access to technology and weaponry, they lose in terms of independent thinking and willingness to stand for what is truly just to "just follow orders".

But how about Rhodes?

Rhodes seems to be the average Huntsman who is doing his part to stop Grimm, but he's also the kind of person who doesn't go out of his way to shake up the status quo.

Rhodes' actions in the hotel show that for all the help he gives Cinder to TRAIN her, he never once tries to address the true source of her misery (her stepfamily), nor throughout the entire years he's been with Cinder has he ever seemed to try to find out the true extent of what Cinder went through, even though you'd think with how much he was there he'd have at least seen Madam use that shock collar on Cinder at least once before his last night alive. And given that he's mingling with Atlas' elite and seems to be willing to tolerate the "No Faunus" sign only reinforces him as someone who treats the whole thing as "just how it is", not rocking the boat.

This in many ways could be reinforced by his Semblance, which hardens his skin into metal. Given his personality and the way he interacted with Cinder, it could be interpreted as him being capable of being vulnerable, but at the same time keeping a certain distance by steeling himself, similar to how despite he tries to help Cinder, he never does more than what was shown. It's also notable that even though Cinder looks towards the door whenever he comes in or returns, he never once looks back in her direction, which can have very negative implications depending on how charitable you feel.

Rhodes vs Cinder

As I said earlier, Rhodes certainly helped her, but only in training her. He didn't try to find out how bad her circumstances really were despite being there for years, and wasn't willing to rock the boat, figuring that the 7 year wait would be tolerated and Cinder would be free that way, since he can just leave the establishment whenever he wants.

But it's an entirely different story for Cinder. By that point she was already essentially a child slave, and was being tormented and abused with little if any chance of escape outside of the Huntress path, and while it was definitely a light at the end of the tunnel, it was an extremely distant one, and while Rhodes can afford to leave whenever he wishes, Cinder COULD NOT. She was the one who had to endure cruelty after cruelty while she trained and had to endure this for SEVEN YEARS (ultimately she snapped at anywhere between 3 to 5 years, the latter of which puts her at least at roughly the same age as Ruby when she was boosted to Beacon early incidentally), all the while her sanity was likely on the edge of a knife the entire time.

In all honestly, when the Madam and her daughters found out about Cinder having a weapon, it wasn't simply a matter of Cinder crossing a line and going too far by murdering them or something like that.

That weapon, for her, was a symbol of her potential freedom, a chance for her to finally get away from the pain and misery. And when the source of her pain and misery found out...

When you combine the sheer terror of your only possible means of freedom from slavery being taken away from you, combined with years of torture and abuse slowly but surely destroying your sanity...is it any wonder she snapped and murdered them? There's gonna be arguments about whether the stepsisters deserved to die, but the Madam deserved it for simply enslaving Cinder and shock torturing her the way she did.

And then Rhodes shows up.

Keep in mind that Cinder, up until that point, saw Rhodes as her hero, her fairy godfather, her Prince Charming or whatever. Someone who was trying to help her, her only real friend in that awful place.

When she's smiling at him after murdering her abusers, it seems to be more out of sheer relief that her pain is finally over, that she's with someone who she felt cared about her, and would hopefully understand why she did what she did.

And Rhodes handles the situation in the worst way possible.

Rhodes, instead of understanding her situation due to the distance he kept from her, instead threatens to take her freedom away, choosing to side with the law and escalating the situation by drawing his weapons. Maybe it made sense from his perspective, him now dealing with a person who killed 3 people, but given his relation to Cinder, it also comes off as very poorly thought out and incredibly blind to the suffering she had been through. It's even more notable given that he had likely clearly seen Madam hammering the button for Cinder's shock collar right before she died, which would have at least given him an indication of just how bad things really were.

Drawing his weapons against a person who trusted him and is currently mentally unstable was also a really poorly thought out thing to do.

And you can see just how badly Cinder takes it.

Her face transitioned from relief, to hope, to shock at him essentially implying he was going to throw her in prison for punishing her abusers...

To anger and fury because she felt betrayed.

From her perspective, before she became who she is today, this was a deeply broken child/teenager who had the one person who she thought cared for her now choosing to become another obstacle to her freedom instead of understanding her situation.

Yes, she killed him, and it was a tragedy because it was due to bad decisions that could have been avoided. And she shed tears afterwards, which depending on how one sees it, as you put it, could be her accepting the cost for freedom, or it could be showing remorse for what she had done at that moment. It's admittedly tough to say.

In Conclusion

Make no mistake, Adult Cinder is a monster and a dangerous person who needs to be taken down before she can cause more damage. But child to pre-teen Cinder is a different matter, and the events of Midnight can easily be seen as a tragedy on many aspects.

And in this case? Rhodes to me comes off as a case of being too lawful over being good.

It doesn't make Rhodes a bad person persay, but it definitely shows that he was a flawed huntsman who made a lot of poor decisions at the wrong time, and arguably comes off as him allowing his own privileges as a freely roaming Huntsman and a person who did not deal with the cruelty that Cinder suffered to distort his perspective on the situation.

His greatest mistake of all however, was ultimately him giving her a sliver of hope, only to attempt to take her chance away at the end, because he valued the law over the person he cared for.

And that led to his downfall.

[cass-y0inks]

“First Man”

Ok before we start this little fic was inspired by the song, “First Man” by Camila Cabello. It reminds me of the time on relationship that Dick would have with Marinette growing up. You can choose who she ends up with I probably won’t focus on that you may leave it in the comments, your choice (Y/C)Also I decided that I’m going to make Kori Marinette’s mother figure. Btw I’m sorry that the other part is taking very long but I will try to finish it and post it sometime this week, hopefully. Anyway Enjoy! (Warning long post)

Yes I’m gonna stay with him tonight, I’ll see you in the morning, no of course, he won’t drink and drive. Can you say bye to mom for me?

“Papa I’ll be fine, it’s just for one night. You know I won’t be able to make it in time, there’s to much traffic.” Marinette really loved her papa, she really did but sometimes he would let his anxiety get to him.

“I know my little Angel, just please be very careful. Oh and Y/C, bring her back in the morning unharmed. Capiche?” Her papa really did love his nicknames for everyone, especially her’s. She was his little angel no matter what, even if he did steal the name from her uncle Damian.

Y/C looked over to her phone and gave him a small smile, “Yes sir, understood. We’ll see you in the morning”

“Keep your eyes on the road Prince Charming. Good night Sunshine, sleep well” her papa sended her a small kiss after he said that.

“Good night papa, sleep well to. And tell mama good night for me too. Love you” she hung up after she returned his small kiss.

Oh, you’ll like him, he’s really kind and funny like you sometimes. And I found someone I really like, maybe for the first time.

Marinette was fixing her papa’s tie for the third time it just never stayed put. She was beyond nervous, her whole family was meeting him today, her mama, her great grandpa, her grandpa, and all her uncles and aunties! It’s not that they embarrassed her, it’s just that she really likes Y/C and her family could get a little... out of hand.

Dick noticed the doubt in her eyes when he looked away from the mirror to look at her. He sighed, he knew what that felt like of course. He gently pulled her into a hug and thought of a way to distract her. “Hey.... wh-why don’t you tell me more about him”

He saw how her eyes lit up almost instantly, “Papa you’ll like him, he’s confident, kind, and funny” she looked down at her feet remembering all the jokes he would make when they would hang out. “Almost as funny as you, who knows? Maybe even funnier papa.”

“Excuse me? Funnier that me! No no no, impossible” that he would never allow.

“Fine not as funny or funnier than you” she sighed out. “Thank you sunshine” he said back with his arms crossed on his chest.

“Just way more stylish.” With that she left him with his mouth wide open.

That nigh went great, he wasn’t intimidated at all by her family, and it didn’t change anything.

No, I don’t need a jacket, it’s not that cold outside. And you worry, I get it but he’s waiting outside

“Mari come on, I don’t want you catching a cold!” Dick was trying to get her in a fuzzy-warm light toned jacket before her movie date with Y/C.

“Papa it’s the middle of July, I won’t need I jacket” sometimes her papa would try different ways to stall her even for just a couple of seconds. “Papa I know you worry but he’s been out there for almost 3 minutes. Look if anything happens I’ll call you, ok? Tell mama I love her to, goodbye.”

Giving her one last hug he said, “goodbye, I love ya to sunlight”

I swear on my heart that he’s a good man. I know you’ll stay up late just waiting for me, you held me so tight now someone else can. But you were the first man that really loved me.

“Papa I promise he’s the sweetest guy I have ever met. He cares, loves and protects me. Like you.” Marinette finally had some free time with her parents. Her mama, papa, and herself were at a a restaurant having a peaceful dinner. The restaurant were she and Y/C had there first date, that brought back memories.

Her mama, Kori, was the one to talk sense into him. “Dick you knew that she would eventually grow up and find someone she liked, just like you and me.” Kori saw how he still had a small pout on his lips looking down at his food.” She smiled. “Remember when you first asked me out on a date. We held hands, laughed together, took pictures. Remember what we felt. We felt special and loved, that’s how they feel. Loved.”

Kori saw how he didn’t really move much, she looked over to her daughter and gave her a small smile and nodded her head pointing at Dick. She got the message and took her papa’s and mama’s hands and held them together. She took a few moments to form her words. “Papa, you’ know how you would hold me and mama on our worst days. How it felt like home, like safety... that’s what I feel with him. You worry about me when I’m with him and sometimes loose sleep but I swear that he means well.” Her papa finally looked up at her with teary eyes.

She stood up from he seat and hugged him. “Papa no matter how much I’m with him or he says he loves me please remember, You were the first man that really loved me.”

Now you’re driving to the airport, not just me you pick up anymore. I’ve got eight days off coming up, and I can only come home for four.

“Papa! Over here!” Marinette rushed over to him, following closely behind was Y/C smiling at him. Dick opened his arms and almost fell back when Mari crashed into him. How ge missed hugging her, memorizes coming back. This wasn’t the first time he picked her up from the airport but, it was the first time she came back with someone else.

“It’s good to see you again sir.” Y/C slowly stood out his hand in front of him. Dick eyed him before carefully taking his hand into his and lightly shaking it.

“You to son.” Marinette stared at her papa in shock, ‘son?’ That was in improvement. Last time she checked he was still skeptical about him. Maybe Alfred or mama finally knocked some sense into him.

Yeah I just met his family. They’re just like you and mom. He makes me really happy, I think he might be the one.

To say the least Marinette was, anxious? She really couldn’t explain what she felt. Today she was finally going to meet his parents. Her long time boyfriend’s parents. She could only remember one time she was this nervous. It was when he was going to met her family.

Different scenarios ran through her head, a variety of ‘what if’s’. It felt like the world was spinning in circles. A familiar ring caught off her thoughts, her phone. She took out her phone from her pocket and read the name on the screen. ‘Papa’. Before answering she took a few deep breath’s trying to calm herself down.

“H-hi pa-papa. H-ho-w ar-are y-you.” Damit. Her papa on the other side of the line clearly noticed the stutter in her voice.

“Mari what happened? Are you ok? Do you need help?” She noticed panic in his tone.

This time she took multiple slow breaths and told him what was bothering her. After what seemed like an hour, she calmed down. Venting always helped her out. She was still nervous but she had at least calmed down a bit. She looked down at her phone to check the time. ‘4:52’ he’d be here any minute. “Papa I have to go, but thank you for calling me. I really needed to talk”

“Anytime sunshine. I love you” he sent her a kiss through the other line.

“Love you to dad”

The dinner night with his parents when great. She had a lot of fun throughout the night. His parents almost reminded her of her parents. They were fun, energetic and loving. She had to thank her papa Ofer helping her calm down.

Now you’re on the driveway faking a smile. You wish you could tell him he doesn’t deserve me. So I had to stop the car and turn around to tell you, you were the first man that really loved me.

She was going back to Paris after a few week’s back In Gotham. Audrey Bourgeois wouldn’t be waiting for her all day. She and Y/C had previously convinced her to let her stay a few more day in Gotham, Audrey’s patience was already running out. Everything was in the car by now, all they had to do was say goodbye.

One by one she said good bye to her family all that was left was her papa. Step by step she made her way up to him until she was right in front of him, he wasted no time in pulling her into a tight hug. Once they broke apart she heard a sniff, her papa was crying. And so was she.

“I love you papa/Marinette” they told each other at the same time. Giving him a sad smile she made her away to the car where Y/C was waiting for her in the passenger seat. Buckling up she started the car and drove away. After a couple of feet she looked at the rear view mirror and saw her papa shedding multiple tears from his eyes waving goodbye at her. Before she could process what she was doing she pulled over and got off the car.

Her papa saw her running towards him, and he planned to meet her at the middle. Once she was close enough she jumped into his arms. He caught her and spinned her around. He carefully put her down after a while but didn’t let her go. She felt a few tears running down her face. She got closer to his ear and quietly whispered, “You were the first man that really loved me” she took a short pause before continuing. “I love you papa, thank you”

And before they open up the door,I say I’ve never seen you cry before. You say “you’ve never looked so beautiful before. You know you’ll always be my little girl.”

Today was the day, she was getting married. She would have never imagined every little detail like this, it was a dream come true for her. She had designed her own dress. It was long with loose sleeves and instead of traditional white it was a very pale pink and a floral like pattern. He papa was in a black suit and a tie that matched her dress. She was nervous of course but having her papa next to her helped her a lot. It was a few more minutes before her uncle’s opened up the doors.

She felt a tear landing on her hand. She looked up and saw her papa wiping his eyes. A smile making its way across her face. She raised her hand and placed it on his cheek. Her papa let out a teary laugh. “Papa I’ve never seen you cry so much before.” It was true. He wouldn’t really cry so much, but this was like it almost looked like a small waterfall leaving his eyes.

He let out another quiet laugh, “It feels like just yesterday you were learning you first steps. Now your walking down the aisle, you look gorgeous Mari.” Wiping away his tears he told her, “ You know you’ll always be my little girl.” Seconds before the doors opens he placed a light feathered kiss on her forehead. Time to go.

You’re looking at me, while walking down the aisle with tears in your eyes. Maybe he deserved me, you don’t even know how much it means to me now

This was it, just a few more steps and she’d be at the altar. Y/C was looking straight at her with the biggest smile he ever had. Her papa still had tears in his eyes, as did the rest of her family. Even the baby of the family had to grow up eventually.

Dick didn’t think this day would come, he imagined it yes but for it to actually be here was unreal. He couldn’t control his tears from flowing down his eyes. They wouldn’t be stoping anytime soon. Maybe he did deserve his daughter. Maybe this was a good day. Looking back down at her he saw she was looking at the altar, specially at Y/C. This day was big for her, he knew that. This was her day. Of this was special for her, it was special for him.

They finally reached the altar.

You were the first man that really loved me, that really loved me.

It was the end of the night, everything went perfect. If she had to be honest, she was tired. Yet that didn’t stop her from going out to the balcony where her papa was. She quietly leaned against the railing like he was. They stood in silence for a moment. Her papa broke the silence first.

“Well you did it, you grew up. When will you stop?” He turned to her and let out a chuckle. She giggled a bit and gave him a light hug.

She pulled away shortly, “Papa even if I still grow, I will always be there with you. You are the reason why I’m who I am, why I’m here today and always.” She stoped and looked down for a second then quickly looked back up at him. “You are the first man that loved me.”

Kori stepped onto the with hot chocolate. “Would you like some Mar-” The sight in front of her caught her off. Dick and her daughter were sleeping on a chaise. Her head tucked under his head.

You really loved me

That’s the end. Sorry if I missed someone in the tag list. I hope you all liked it. Goodbye.

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[bubble-tea-bunny]

another way to fly 

[leon x reader]

author’s note: i made a character named lucy to be your bff in this and she may or may not be inspired by lucy heartfilia cuz i've been watching fairy tail while i work out. hope you enjoy <3 

word count: 9,182

The sunny morning is a familiar sight no matter where you find yourself in Galar this time of year, but what is a change of pace is the lack of that salty sea breeze hitting your nose the moment you step out of the house. Of course, this is only one of multiple differences you’re confronted with, being further south, but you appreciate the variety in scenery. As you descend the porch steps and walk to the main road, you’re greeted not with the loud horns of ships arriving at the docks, but with the bleats of wild Wooloo grazing.

A quick glance at the clock on your way out of the house indicated it was mid-morning. Lucy hadn’t woken you up due to how late you arrived last night, having taken the last possible train out of Hulbury. Your lack of forward planning had mostly been responsible for your post-midnight arrival, since you'd waved off her suggestions at buying a ticket earlier. In your prior experiences, the trains heading south were never fully booked.

Well, at least, not until yesterday. And you apologized profusely, you had, and you would’ve talked Lucy’s ear right off with sorry’s and you-were-right’s and confused remarks about why the trains were busy out of the blue, if she hadn’t stopped you, settling for a teasing I told you so before informing you where she kept the spare key (beneath the potted plant by the shed), in case she was asleep when you got here. You hadn’t bothered to call her when you approached the front gate of her house, not wanting to accidentally wake her up, so you’d fished out the spare key and let yourself in to learn you were correct: Lucy was fast asleep, all lights switched off save for the softly glowing lamp by the front door to provide you with some illumination as you toed off your boots and got settled. The note she’d left you on the end table informed you where the guest room and bathroom were, and a post script encouraging you to help yourself to any food in the kitchen.

Lucy had work today, which meant you weren’t surprised, nor offended, to receive no greeting at the door. You know she would have loved to stay up and wait and that was enough for you. However, she had also left early this morning because she was in charge of opening the cafe, and you still haven’t had the chance to see her. That’s where you’re headed to now, intent on finally saying hello and also grabbing a bite to eat. You hadn’t eaten since you left Hulbury, as you were too tired to have a snack last night, and you’re starving.

This is the first instance you have traveled to Wedgehurst to visit Lucy, as she moved from Turffield and hasn’t lived here long, but you have been here a couple of times in the past, and you consider those prior visits to be mostly sufficient for navigating your way around town. Your steps slow every so often as you observe your surroundings, searching for familiar landmarks to tell you you’re going in the right direction. But pretty soon you think you’ve made a couple of circles, passing no cafes, and you’re prepared to ask a local for directions.

Your eyes are aimed upward at the various signs on all the buildings, and your pace had been sluggish to give you the opportunity to look them over carefully. With your focus elsewhere, you fail to notice there is anything in front of you blocking your path, and you only do when you collide none-too-gently with something hard. The force of impact with what felt very much like a brick wall knocks you off your feet, and you fall to the ground, a small oof! leaving your mouth as your butt hits the cobblestone pavement.

“Ow…” You reach back to rub gingerly at your tailbone, which stings slightly, and cringe in pain. This might’ve hurt less if it hadn’t been on stone.

Once the pain starts to subside, you look up to see what you’d run into, and your eyes widen when you register the orange scales and wings whose span you can easily envision even while they are drawn close to the Pokemon’s body. The average Charizard is significantly taller than you are, but the height of this one is emphasized to a greater degree because of your position on the ground. You figure you should get up, since you’d been sitting here for longer than necessary, but to be honest, you’re too shocked to move.

Why is there a Charizard in the middle of the town square?!

Its back has been turned to you the whole time, and you follow up your silent question with an exclamation that it hadn’t even noticed you ran into it! But as if it has heard your internal monologue, it finally twists around. You lean back quickly to avoid the flames at the tip of its long tail, and soon you’re met with the curious gaze of the Charizard. You might think its wide eyes were cute if you weren’t currently this near to it and skittish at the prospect of being lit on fire.

You’re not sure if you should say something, and you open your mouth to greet it hello, but the word dies in your throat the moment the Charizard leans down to study you more closely. Its head tilts and you freeze where you are, deciding to let it sniff you until it was satisfied and backed away. You worry it will chase after you if you try to scoot back to increase distance.

The seconds feel like minutes and that’s probably because you’re hesitant to even breathe while the Charizard is practically in your face. You nearly decide to throw caution to the wind and back up anyway just so you can attempt to stand and hopefully continue on your way, but luckily you don’t have to. Your saving grace is a figure who’d been obscured from view by the towering Pokemon.

“Did you see something?” the man standing behind the Charizard asks, peeking around its shoulder.

The Charizard stands back up straight and now you can’t breathe for an entirely different reason as your gaze meets the amber eyes of the Galar region champion himself. He’s also much taller than you are given where you sit, but that still doesn’t change much even after he has held a hand out to help you up, for at your full height, you’re face-to-face with the fluffy collar of his cape.

“Are you all right?” His next question is aimed at you as he makes sure you’re steady on your feet before he lets go. Your cheeks had already been burning first from the fact you’d run into the champion’s Charizard, and second from the fact the champion held your hand, but now you think your cheeks are so hot they could compete with the surface of the sun because he’s looking you over. You know it’s just to check for any injuries but your point still stands—the Leon is right in front of you and, at least in these several seconds, you’re the center of his attention!

“U-Um…” you stammer, and you berate yourself inwardly at your sudden incapability to string together a cohesive sentence. “Yeah… I-I’m all right. Really, it was my fault… I wasn’t watching where I was going.” You chuckle sheepishly. Suddenly you’re conscious of how hard your heart is beating.

Leon smiles and wow, the gravity of how absolutely starstruck you are in this moment is just beginning to dawn on you. “Well I’m happy you’re okay. I don’t think I would ever forgive myself if you’d been hurt.”

You flush at the notion that he could have that much concern for your wellbeing, and you simultaneously wish that he would stop watching you and that he would also never turn away. “Yeah…” you state again, trailing off quietly. “No need to worry about me.”

He nods, satisfied, and you wonder what happens from here. Do you say goodbye and take your leave? But you realize you don’t really want to do that. As nervous as it makes you being this close to him, you do really like being in his presence because you’ve finally met him and you don’t want this chance to go to waste! Quickly you scramble for anything else you could say, if only to prolong the conversation. Who knows the next time this sort of chance would arise? You might never experience anything like this again!

“What brings you to Wedgehurst?” you decide to inquire.

“I’m visiting my family,” he informs you. His readiness to answer is a relief. You aren’t bothering him, and he’s not in a rush to be somewhere. “I just got here this morning.”

That’s right, he’s from the area. He’s from Postwick, just down the road. Wedgehurst has the nearest station. You start to feel a little dumb for asking that question in particular. The town he comes from is basic knowledge if one knows anything about the champion of Galar, and it would make sense he’d be here every now and then to visit his family. The heat in your cheeks remains, refusing to subside due to your nerves and your embarrassment.

“I’m sure they’ll be very excited to see you.” You smile, hoping it doesn’t look awkward.

The smile’s still on his own face and his eyes twinkle at your statement, as if envisioning the ecstatic greetings he’ll receive once he walks through the front door. “I’m really excited to see them too. Actually…” he trails off, and then it’s his turn to laugh as he rubs the back of his neck. “I was on my way there, but I may have gotten myself lost.”

Your smile widens and some of your bashfulness wanes at the common ground you have found with Leon. You’re about to tell him as much, that you’re lost too, not having the slightest idea where the cafe could be at this point, but from over his shoulder, you catch a glimpse of a growing crowd, murmuring amongst themselves as they stare in your direction, and so you change the topic.

“It seems people are noticing you’re here.”

Leon blinks and glances behind him. The murmurs increase in volume at the confirmation that it is indeed Leon accompanying that Charizard (though could there really be that many other people walking alongside one, and with a cape cascading down their back?). They’re only bound to rise still as more people stop to see what’s going on and discover he’s in town, and Leon lifts a hand in a brief wave of greeting.

He turns back to you. “I hate to cut our conversation short…”

His tone sounds genuinely disappointed and your heart skips a beat. Had he really liked talking to you too? Or was this just to be polite? You’re more inclined to go with the latter, now that you really think about it. He’s definitely had to learn to gently close out conversations during his reign as champion, with so many people wanting to talk to him. But you know that he’s busy and you can’t keep him to yourself forever, so you’re not dismayed as you nod in understanding.

“Of course. I have to get going anyway.”

He smiles in thanks. He’s about to turn away to address the now sizable crowd of onlookers, but pauses and looks down at you. “I enjoyed our talk.”

Okay, so maybe what you’d surmised previously about him not being saddened to have to turn his attention elsewhere had been wrong. Had he enjoyed it too? Had he truly enjoyed talking to you? You want desperately to say yes, but you think your heart might stop should you acknowledge it. You could only ever hope to see Leon in person, and it was beyond any dream of yours that you should be able to actually hold a conversation, one where he liked it just as much as you did.

You leave him with his fans, and as you continue down the sidewalk, you sigh because you still don’t know where the cafe is.

Eventually you find it with the aid of a postman. It turns out by the time you’d asked him for help, you hadn’t been far. Just around the corner, he said. The bell jingles quietly as you enter, and Lucy is behind the counter, preoccupied with the register. She speaks up to welcome you, but doesn’t look away from her task until you walk right up to her and remark how hungry you are.

Her eyes light up at hearing your voice and she squeals, leaning over the counter to hug you. She apologizes for not being up to greet you when you arrived but you wave it off. The important thing is that I’m here now, right? Her grin matches yours at these words and you have missed each other greatly. You order a hot chocolate and a muffin, then scan the establishment for an open table.

You claim the booth in the corner with its extra window space and observe the world past the glass. The streets are busier and as mid-morning is slowly ticking its way to noon, you’re sure many people will be going out for lunch soon. As you watch them walk by, your eyes rove back and forth along the sidewalk. A part of you is wondering if Leon might turn the corner any second now, and deep down you hope that he does, so you might be able to see him.

At the thought of him, your mind replays the encounter you had, and your heart beats quicker once more, the tiniest bit of adrenaline coursing through your veins and if it increases any more you might become fidgety. You still can’t quite believe you’d met him, and you speculate, half humorously and half seriously because you’re still trying to wrap your head around what has happened, that perhaps somehow the fall you took knocked you out and it had all been a dream. And perhaps it wasn’t a Charizard you ran into, but a… a lamp post.

You deadpan. How lame! Well in any case, whether a Charizard or a lamp post, your embarrassment would remain. Why do you have to be such a klutz?

With your body turned towards the window and your focus on overthinking every little detail of your meeting with Leon, you don’t hear Lucy approaching with a tray containing the food you ordered. You jump in surprise when she sets it down and luckily she’s a professional and maintains her own composure, so as not to jostle the ceramic mug filled to the brim with hot chocolate.

She laughs and raises a brow. “Jumpy today?”

You let out a breath and reach out for the mug. Tendrils of steam float up from the delicious beverage and dissipate in the air. “Just caught up in my thoughts.”

“Thoughts about what?” Lucy slides into the booth across from you and folds her hands together, showcasing her readiness to listen. “The cafe’s quiet, so I’ve got time for some girl talk.”

You smile but don’t say anything immediately, opting first to take a sip of your hot chocolate. The drink is sweet and maybe too sweet for some, but it’s perfect for you. You feel it warm you from the inside out, and you wish there was hot chocolate this good back in Hulbury. You might like to enjoy it while staring out at a misty sea early in the morning.

“You won’t believe who I saw earlier.”

Lucy narrows her eyes as she considers the statement. Your smile hasn’t left your face, and it makes her smile too, though it’s a little uneasy because she’s drawing a blank. “Who?”

You’d wanted her to guess, to humor you at least, but as she sits across from you now, you’re too excited to prolong it any longer. Almost subconsciously you lower your voice and lean in. “Leon.”

Her eyes widen and she looks like she’s about to yell her response but then seems to catch herself because it would go against her professional nature to raise her voice suddenly. So she follows your lead, voice just above a whisper but still capable of a sharp exclamation of shock. “The Leon?!”

You nod, and it’s so giddy you might be embarrassed if you were talking with anyone else but your best friend. Your cheeks are straining from how big your smile is and how long you’re holding it for. “Yes!” You recount it for her, how nice he had been and how much the cameras really didn’t do him justice. Plus, if you had anything to say about it, the sunshine beat the harsh stadium lights any day of the week—Not that it matters, he looks good in both!

Your retelling is punctuated with a disappointed sigh at the end as you express your regret at failing to ask for an autograph or a photo. You’d been so caught up in the moment, it never occurred to you do to either of those things. Lucy chuckles at your small whine, your hands on your cheeks both to conceal the reddening that has blossomed once more and in an effort to cool down the burning sensation (it doesn’t work).

“So you just saw him while you were walking around?” she asks.

The question stops you short, and you didn’t think it was possible, but your flustered state increases tenfold. You may or may not have purposely skipped over how exactly you ran into him. It wouldn’t have done much good. Lucy was bound to address it eventually. No choice but to come out with it. “Well… I ran into his Charizard… and fell… not very gracefully…”

Lucy’s eyes widen and she breaks out into a laugh. “You ran into it?”

"I wasn’t looking where I was going, okay!”

She throws herself back in her seat from how much she’s laughing and you groan, unable to work up the nerve to glance around for any patrons at the cafe who have noticed her fit. The reason you give for how a conversation with Leon had come about, while completely true, also sounds incredibly stupid, now that you say it out loud. A Charizard is not easy to miss.

“That is so cute!”

“It was not cute, Lucy!”

Her laughs don’t sound like they will subside anytime soon and you’d like to disappear. Sure, you’d imagined what it might be like to finally meet the champion, dreamed of it even, but never had you anticipated that your meeting would be born out of your fleeting attention and two left feet. You think it’s the idealist in you that thought it would be smooth, that you’d be confident, if a little shy, but for the most part composed, all in an effort to impress. But you really do need to listen to the realist more often. Screwing up the way you had is basically inevitable with your level of clumsiness.

You can barely contain a squeak of horror as you consider what Leon might’ve been thinking. It wasn’t hard to put together the pieces of what transpired while he’d been turned away and, again, Charizard sticks out like a sore thumb in the middle of town, if not for its height then for its bright scales and flame-tipped tail! Your fall had not been an impressive display in the least bit, nor had your flustered attempts at conversation. All those daydreams were practically rehearsals and you still couldn’t get it right.

“It is!” Lucy shoots back. “And I bet Leon thought it was cute too.”

Are your cheeks on fire? They feel like they’ve been set on fire.

Lucy hones in on the dusting of pink across your cheeks deepening still and giggles. In your opinion, she is having too fun pointing out how flustered the whole situation is making you. First with your actual conversation with Leon and the ways you’d screwed up, and now as she puts up the idea that he could possibly think your lack of coordination was endearing. You don’t want to entertain the thought that he might like you like that, at least not anymore, because meeting him had changed how you saw him.

Whenever you watched his battles on television, you’d always made the passing remark that he was attractive. With his confidence and that beaming grin, who could be impervious to his charm? To see him in person and to talk to him was pushing you far past the point of simply recognizing his good looks and leaving it at that. From how he held himself on camera, shaking hands with challengers and praising their admirable efforts afterward during interviews, you’d known him to be kind. But it was something else entirely to be on the receiving end of it yourself. Concern was evident in his eyes when he saw you on the ground and rushed to help you up, and it hadn’t dissipated until you assured him you were fine.

Then his smile, geez, you’d be happy falling asleep to the thought of it every night for the rest of your life. You shrank in the midst of it, in disbelief to be the center of his sights in that moment, and for all the nerves you couldn’t shake, you still have to admit, it had felt nice. You swore you could see the rising sun in his amber gaze; the shine of the first slivers of morning light reflecting off the sea is poor competition. And in your wistful reminiscence of the details of that kindness lining his face which made him positively glow, you’ve officially gone and done it—with the realization that what makes him truly wonderful lies beneath the surface, you have blown past the marker that signifies your attraction as mere infatuation.

However, you don’t reveal any of these thoughts to Lucy. You don’t want to, at least not yet. For the time being, you’re content to let her keep believing that you are like many others, harboring an admiration for the Leon you all see on television. You suppose in a way, you hold back from sharing it due to hesitation and the paranoia of overthinking. Would these feelings fade? Wedgehurst is a small town but you don’t know that you’ll see him again, and you have no idea when he’ll return north. If you did travel to see a match in person, who’s to say you might have another conversation like the one this morning? He’s constantly being swept away by fans, and in a large city like Wyndon, it’s bound to happen more often. You just want to temper your feelings, an attempt to spare yourself of disappointment. He was Leon, after all, champion of Galar, and you’re… well, you’re you. A nobody from Hulbury.

You don’t like to go to bed bitter and you regret coming back to this topic when you’re already laying down. The moon is at the perfect angle to shine through the window, and you stare at the wash of light it paints on the wall. There are probably plenty of prettier girls in Wyndon, you think dejectedly. It’s silly to ponder the idea he might like you back. Besides, now that you’ve had more time to think, and you’re not so blinded by how starstruck you were to meet him because that was hours ago, you contemplate the fact he might already be dating someone.

That wouldn’t be a surprise. How could he be single? With a huff, you practically deflate at the conclusion you come to, sinking into the mountain of blankets Lucy had set aside for you to use since she knows you get cold easily. You turn onto your side, no longer interested in the moonlight, and pull the edge of the thick comforter up to just below your eyes. You’d held off on deciding for certain if what you felt for Leon was serious, and you were left disappointed anyway. Overthinking’s good for no one.

So you tell yourself not to let it go any farther. Leon’s attractive, yes, and he’s caring, yes. But you won’t get hung up on him! That would lead you down the rabbit hole of dashed hopes and dreams and that wouldn’t be good for your emotions. You’re done thinking about this, done trying to reconcile your feelings and justify that the conversation with him had stuck out to him as special, that you had stuck out to him as special.

Of course, it’s always easier said than done. And you know that, and you hate that you do! You know that if you were to see him again, all your resolve would be flushed down the toilet. Given how small Wedgehurst is, to come across him once more is very much possible. Well… you guess you could just try your best to avoid him? (That’s definitely not something you ever thought you’d say. You, avoiding seeing the champion of Galar. Is that something anyone would aim to do?)

Lucy isn’t able to take off work during your visit, but you don’t mind. There’s plenty to keep you occupied, whether walking along the trails or through town, window shopping and keeping tabs on restaurants you’d like to go eat at. The locals are friendly and you chat with them too. Though to your chagrin, most chitchat comes back to Leon eventually, as they ask excitedly if you know he’s in town. You can’t blame them for their enthusiasm and you smile and nod. Some of those you speak with can’t contain their comments on how good-looking he is in person and you can’t blame them for that either. But whenever you walk away from those particular conversations, the air seems to finally let you out of its tight hold.

This whole avoidance thing isn’t very successful… Even if you didn’t see him, you were hearing about him. What turned into a day where you did your best to block him from your mind, has turned into one where he’s all you’ve been thinking about since you stepped outside. Did the universe just know? Was it purposely working against you? If so, you couldn’t fathom why.

You spot a flower shop just up ahead, and it’s a welcome distraction. The closer you get, the stronger the aroma becomes. There’s a display with various flowers out front, some in pots and some arranged in beautiful bouquets wrapped with brown paper. A small chalkboard sign advertises the sale prices for the arrangements, a special that will last the rest of the week. This prompts you to more carefully survey the selection. Perhaps you could get one for Lucy, a small gift to say thanks for letting you stay in her house (and raid her pantry, as you’d jokingly remarked the other day).

There’s a bouquet primarily made of pale yellow flowers, and you pick it up to look at in more detail. It kind of reminds you of her blonde hair, and it makes you smile slightly. That’d be a cute reason for choosing this one. You breathe in the sweet smell they emanate and it only serves to convince you more that you should buy it. But there was still the inside of the shop to walk through.

“Hey!”

You look up, brows furrowed in confusion. You weren’t sure if the call was meant for you, and you glance left and right until you see Leon. He’s several yards away, and he’s grinning and waving in your direction and yes, that call out had been meant for you.

Your eyes widen and your heart beats quicker, but this time it’s not for the same reasons as during your first encounter with him. Now, all you can think is you have to get out of here! You force a smile on your face but it’s probably more of a cringe than anything, and hastily you set the bouquet back down. You’re trying to be careful with it since the flowers are fragile, but you’re moving so fast you nearly knock down the rest of the bouquets. With a small gasp, you stretch out your arm to steady the row. Heart beating quicker now, you slowly back away, still on edge in case they start to move again and you have to rush forward to stabilize them.

Thankfully, they stay as they are, and you don’t turn towards Leon, instead walking the opposite direction. You don’t look over your shoulder, so you don’t know how he’s reacted. It does hurt a little to actively be moving farther away, because deep down, you’re still a fan and you think you’ll always gush over how skilled he is, but you need to sort out your feelings first. And by sort out, you mean let them go.

If Leon is confused about what’s happened, he isn’t left to be confused for long. He’s lingered in the same spot long enough that some people have seen him and flocked to him for photos.

When you see Lucy later on, you make a point to leave out that awkward encounter from your series of stories.

The two of you go out for brunch on the day she has a late start at the cafe. You’re trying to convince her to visit you next. It’s your turn to come to me! She chuckles and says she promises to go, she just needs to get the days off. She’d already recently gone out of town to visit her parents. But you’re fine with waiting, and you declare that with her forward planning, her ticket-buying experience won’t be nearly as stressful as yours had been.

“We could go spectate a battle at the water gym,” you suggest. “It’s been a while since we went to one together.”

Lucy grins and holds a hand to her chest, quiet for a moment as she remembers the grass gym that had been basically her backyard, prior to moving here. “I still think about the Wooloo all the trainers kept at the grass gym. I count them to fall asleep sometimes.”

You laugh. “Do you think if you count the Wooloo you see on Route 1 that you might knock yourself out?”

Lucy laughs too. “You know, I wouldn’t put it past me.”

You accompany Lucy on her walk to the cafe and end up lingering a bit longer to enjoy a cup of tea. After the large meal you had, you wanted to get one to help settle your stomach. There are more customers at this time so Lucy has no chance to stop and chat, only turning her attention away from her duties long enough to bid you goodbye and a See you later! as you start heading out, leaning your body on the glass door to push it open.

The boutique is down the road, and you consider going there. You’d been in need of some new clothes, and you enjoy rifling through the selections and styles of all the towns and cities whenever you’re in the area. It helps give your wardrobe some variety. But from where you stand currently, the flower shop is in your line of view, and you still wanted to buy flowers for Lucy. With a nod of resolution, you decide to go there first, and then the boutique.

Since you’d already looked over the flowers out front, you go straight for the open door of the shop. Inside, there are more shelves displaying more flowers, some in ceramic pots and some in wicker baskets. Wooden slats line the edges of the ceiling and it’s from these that vibrant green plants hang in white pots. The colors that greet your eyes as they rove over the numerous rows of flora are pretty and you think you’ll be here for a while. Not only do you want to take your time choosing, you’re not intent to leave the presence of these flowers and their pleasant aromas too quickly.

Because there’s so much to go through, you want to take an organized approach. You start with the aisle on the far side, head tilted back to look at the selection higher up, and then you work your way down each shelf, slowly walking along all the while.

“Welcome!”

The florist greets you, having seen you from her place behind the counter, and you smile, turning your head to say hello, but you freeze when you notice there’s someone at the register you really hoped you wouldn’t come across again.

At the florist’s greeting, Leon glances behind him at who she’s speaking to, and he also seems to stop short when he realizes it’s you. He smiles, the corner of his lips lifting in an amiable but silent greeting of his own, and it’s unusual that he should be so subdued, but you think that’s due to the fact you're indoors. He has no need to call out for you when you’re just a few steps away.

“H-Hi…” you stutter, smiling and looking at the florist and doing your best to pretend there’s no one else standing there. But that fails, of course, as your eyes inevitably slide over to meet Leon’s gaze. His grin widens a little when you actually do hold his stare, and you think you might give in, that you’ll cave and throw caution to the wind.

No, you can’t!

You twist around on your heel, being sure to move casually so as not to seem out of the ordinary, and you try to clear your mind by scanning over the flowers again. As soon as you turn out of the aisle, however, you’re speed-walking back outside. The cool breeze that hits you is a relief. The atmosphere in the flower shop had become suffocating the moment you saw Leon, closing in on you like it was pressuring you to just give up on your decision to avoid him. Because clearly if you were running into him this often, the universe was telling you to stop resisting, right?

With a heavy sigh, you walk to the edge of town towards Route 1, plans to go to the boutique set aside. Even if that were true, you were too averse to the idea of being let down, and that your feelings wouldn’t be returned. And the thing is, it wouldn’t be Leon’s fault. It never would be, and you would never dream of being irritated with him, but you desperately want to make sure any such feelings of attraction on your part are gone before you’re comfortable talking to him again and you could entertain the notion of being friends, if he was interested in that too. And being friends with him doesn’t sound bad at all!

That is, if you do see him again. Maybe the universe will take your continued avoidance as final, and the two of you will go your separate ways from here and you’ll be left wondering if you might get the chance to talk to him again, or if he’ll even remember who you are the next time your paths cross.

You shake your head. You’re overthinking. Surprise, surprise. A walk would do just the trick to clear it, and you’re now staring out at the dirt road leading to Postwick and the tall grass on either side. You readjust your backpack, and the Poké Balls inside it clack with the movement. Lucy had given you the last few she had, so you could try your hand at it. You’d scrunched up your nose and reminded her it wasn’t your first time using them, and she’d chuckled. Though her phrasing hadn’t been unfounded, for you have so little experience catching Pokemon that this might as well be your first go at it.

Training Pokemon wasn’t something you saw yourself doing. You don’t think you have the skills or the resolution to train up a team. The only Pokemon you do have is Jojo, your Yamper back in Hulbury. He’s the only one you ever caught, and that was enough to satisfy you. He’s practically your best friend, even beating Lucy, which you never told her, but you have a sneaking suspicion that she knows. (Though you love them both dearly.)

Lucy’s the one with more experience with catching Pokemon, and she’d offered to help you. She gave you the Poké Balls this morning in case you did want to try while she was still at work. Now that you’re out on Route 1, you think you might at least try it once by yourself, to test your memory regarding all the little pointers she’d shared with you in the past.

You stick to the road for the most part, not intent to walk into the grass unless you’re sure of what’s there. You don't want to get caught up with a Pokemon trying to fight you with no Pokemon of your own to defend yourself. With the fresh air filling your lungs and the sun shining amidst patches of clouds, you’re starting to feel more energized, and considerably less stressed. Soon you aren’t thinking of Leon or your feelings or even of the town behind you. There’s just you, the Poké Balls in your backpack, and—

A bleat reaches your ears. You look to the left and see a lone Wooloo munching on grass.

—and Wooloo!

Your eyes light up and you quietly take out a Poké Ball. Clutching it in your hand, you creep forward, careful to take light steps. The Wooloo isn’t facing you, and so long as your approach is gentle, this shouldn’t be any trouble. Once you’re closer, you crouch down to be at eye-level. For a few seconds you simply stay still and watch it eat. It bleats again and shakes its head, its little braids swinging back and forth.

As it returns to eating, you take a deep breath and mentally prepare yourself. Wooloo in particular are skittish, and they’ll run away if they become startled. You’re about to throw the Poké Ball, but you feel as if you’re still a little too far to be comfortable. From this distance, you’re not confident your throw would be accurate. You just need to move up a little bit more…

If your gasp is what had grabbed the Wooloo’s attention first, it’s your tumble to and hard impact with the dirt that scares it off entirely. Your foot had got caught on a rock you didn’t notice and you tripped. The Poké Ball slides out of your grip and rolls away, but you hardly pay that any mind, for the rocky ground wasn’t very forgiving on your body and that was all you could focus on. You push yourself up, wincing from having the breath taken right out of you.

You sit on your knees and glance around in search of the Wooloo. It’s farther away now and has returned to eating as if nothing’s wrong, but you sigh heavily at having to start the process all over again.

“Dang it…”

“Are you okay?”

You blink and turn around, and you’re thoroughly startled yourself to see Leon approaching. It's a repeat of your first encounter as he holds a hand out, and while part of you wants to hesitate due to your conflicting emotions regarding him, you’re also still a reasonable person and you won’t ignore a literal helping hand. He guides you back to a standing position and he’s grinning knowingly, like he's also cognizant of the fact this is playing the exact same as your initial meeting.

The amusement in his gaze is contagious and you smile, chuckling as you say yes, you’re okay.

He nods, then he looks down at the Poké Ball you dropped. Putting the pieces together, he then turns his head to the Wooloo. “You’re trying to catch it!” It isn’t even a question.

“Oh, uh, yeah, I am…” You’re quiet as you confirm his remark. What must he think, that you’re failing to catch a Wooloo, of all Pokemon?

“I’ll help you!”

You don’t think you heard him correctly. “What?”

“Yeah! Come on, let’s go get you a Wooloo.” He walks the few steps to the fallen Poké Ball and picks it up before returning to you.

Well, what else was there to say besides yes? No? You’d have to be stupid to decline because not only are you willing to admit you could really benefit from some assistance, given the earlier display of your lack of prowess, you're also being offered help by the greatest Pokemon trainer in the region! Not even the side of you battling with your feelings for him could win out in this situation because right now he isn’t Leon, a man you seriously think you’re falling for but are trying not to; right now, he’s Leon the Galar champion, and there’s a Pokemon to catch.

Leon holds up the Poké Ball for you to take, and his eyes are sparkling with an unbridled excitement he can’t hide. And you begin to understand the passion that runs through his blood for Pokemon, to catch them and to help others catch them too. For him, the current pursuit is not for just a Wooloo because it doesn’t matter to him that its not a formidable Pokemon, able to give him a run for his money. It matters to him that it matters to you, and his face is hopeful that you’ll agree to let him join, so you could have the experience together.

And who could say no to that?

“Okay, let’s do it,” you state, taking back the Poké Ball.

Leon guides you closer to the Wooloo, his focus occasionally switching from the Pokemon down to the ground. Momentarily you wonder why, then figure he must be watching out for anymore rocks. He’s covering you where you need the extra help, as you’re unable to split your own attention between tracking the Wooloo and watching where you’re walking. The awareness is admirable and, really, kind of sweet.

“Let’s stop here.” He lowers his voice to a whisper. He’s gotten you closer to the Wooloo than you’d gotten on your own the first time.

“Wait, but it’s facing me,” you point out. Your plan had been to take it by surprise, but you’re both in clear view of it. It leans down to take another mouthful of grass then lifts its head to chew, and it’s staring right at you.

“That’s okay,” Leon reassures. “Just be gentle, and take it slow.”

He gives you a nod, your signal to go ahead, but you don’t move. It really shouldn’t be a big deal if you fail to catch it this time, as you could always try again. You did bring extra Poké Balls. You just don’t want to make a fool of yourself in front of Leon. You think you’ve done enough of that already. Plus this is his element, and at the very least if you can’t impress, you want to prove yourself competent.

Your brows furrow. Stop thinking too much! But Leon isn’t bothered by your hesitation and he smiles to help put you at ease. “Remember: it has to choose you too.”

This last bit of advice is the push you need, and you start to take careful steps forward. You’ve chosen this Wooloo to catch, but the second half would involve cooperation on the Wooloo’s part. And you do hope it chooses you too. It hasn’t tried to run away yet, and you take that as a good sign. You can’t prevent the sifting of the grass beneath your shoes as you walk, but it’s not a jarring noise like your fall had been, so the Wooloo stays put.

You keep your voice at a low volume, softly greeting the fluffy Pokemon. “Hello there…”

The Wooloo’s eyes follow you closely and you could swear it understands what you’re saying.

You crouch low to be face-to-face with it, and the distance between you could be covered with a small toss. The Wooloo bleats, but remains where it is. You know this is it, this is your shot, but you still feel too nervous to do anything without some sort of instruction, so you glance behind you at Leon. He’s gesturing enthusiastically for you to throw, and you can pick up on the urgency easily. If you took too long, even for all your efforts to be quiet, the Wooloo might run away anyway.

You hold your breath as you toss the Poké Ball, afraid that a shaky exhale would throw off your aim and you’d somehow still miss. The Wooloo is scooped up by the Poké Ball, which lands on the ground with a light thud. You stay rooted to the spot, staring intently at the flashing light. Still yellow…

The Poké Ball clicks.

Green!

You shoot back up into a standing position and grab the Poké Ball with a squeal of elation. “It chose me!” you exclaim.

Leon is laughing as he approaches you. “I knew you could do it!”

Before you realize what’s happening, he’s pulled you into a bear hug, arms wrapped around your shoulders. You collide with his chest, a quiet oof! leaving your mouth to punctuate the impact, and your cheeks are rapidly heating up. You were so absorbed in trying to catch the Wooloo that you forgot you were supposed to be flustered around him! And now that shyness is coming back as he holds you close. Not only are you supposed to be flustered, you’re supposed to be avoiding him. This was not avoiding him. But despite telling yourself to pull away, to make an excuse that you have to be somewhere, anywhere else, you don’t want to do either of those. No, you think you’d like to stay right here.

When he finally lets you go, he seems shocked with himself to have kept you in the hug as long as he had. He chuckles, and it’s nervous, you can tell because it sounds like the one you’d given when you admitted to him you accidentally ran into his Charizard. If you’re right, if he is nervous, you don’t address it since you know what it’s like, and attention being drawn to it is far from ideal. So instead you glance down at the Poké Ball in your grasp, then back up at him.

“Thanks.”

You hope he can sense the sincerity in your voice, and can surmise all the different reasons why you are thankful to him. He helped you catch a Pokemon, first and foremost, and this is not a privilege many have, to have Leon, of all trainers, aid them. Secondly, he believed in you from the beginning when you were doubtful of yourself, had enough confidence for the both of you and then some. And lastly, that he’d been so ready to cheer you on and was there to help you up with zero hesitation, even after being subjected to, from his perspective, your very odd behavior.

He smiles, and it’s warm, and you know that yes, he picked up on all of it. “You’re welcome.”

And then, the dreaded topic finally rolls around, as it was bound to once Leon caught up to you and made sure you couldn’t make any escape, of your continued avoidance. You try to mentally prepare yourself as he opens his mouth to speak, but you find you’re still not ready.

“Well, now that we’re here talking, and you haven’t tried to run away, could I ask why you were avoiding me?”

“It’s… It’s stupid…” you trail off, too embarrassed to meet his eyes.

Leon’s brow raises and he’s showing the slightest hint of amusement. “What is?”

Wow, now that you’re here, you really don’t want to say it out loud. But he’s watching you closely, and you can’t get out of this one. Just come out with it!

“I… like you.” Your face is burning. “And I mean I did before, but the day we met and you helped me up after I fell, I realized how much I like you. You’re just so kind, and I dunno… it was different to experience it firsthand. You weren’t just someone on a television screen anymore.”

You finally muster up the courage to glance up at him, and you can’t read his expression, which is worrisome. Then he smiles, almost imperceptibly, but you catch the quirk of the corner of his lips, and you don’t know if it’s just you being hopeful or searching for things that aren’t actually there when you detect that he seems… happy.

“How much do you like me?”

At his question, you want to groan and not answer. Your entire body might be set aflame from the embarrassment. Yet he waits patiently for you to respond, and if you’re in this deep, you might as well keep going.

“A lot.” It’s quiet, and if he weren’t as close as he is, he wouldn’t be able to hear it.

Leon’s smile widens at the admission, but then he tilts his head as he thinks. “Wait, so because you like me a lot, you were avoiding me?”

“Well, no… I just… I didn’t want to accept I had feelings that strong for you, and I couldn’t do that if I kept seeing you around.”

“But why didn’t you want to accept them?”

“Because I figured someone else might’ve caught your eye by now,” you explain, eyes sliding back down to the ground. “I mean, you’re you. You have all the girls in Galar falling head over heels for you! And I thought… maybe you already had a girl in Wyndon who captured your attention.”

You were expecting him to confirm your assumptions or to laugh at how much you have overthought this, the way you overthink everything, and you were expecting to drown in your awkwardness. But he doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t tell you that you’re right and your sentiments are sweet and all but he’s already seeing someone. Instead, he’s completely silent, and this catches you off guard.

When you dare to look at him, he’s watching you closely. His grin is soft and he shakes his head. “No girl in Wyndon, no. But I was hoping to catch the eye of one here. That is, if she’d stop trying to avoid me.”

You were ready to come out with the It’s okay and Really, it’s fine, my feelings aren’t hurt, and now that he has hit you with this, you don’t know what to say. Except—

“What?”

Leon chuckles at the confusion laced in your tone, and he continues on, in a manner more relaxed than you had been while confessing. “I wanted to talk to you more after the first time, but when you kept running away, I figured you didn’t want to talk, so I didn’t pry. I thought my charm had failed me when I needed it most.” His grin is sheepish as he shrugs.

You can’t believe what you’re hearing. Leon had been interested from the very start. You had stuck out to him in the way you hoped you had, before you tried to stifle that wishful thinking with the more realistic expectation that he would never like you like that. But apparently that hadn’t been realistic in the least bit, and your self-doubt and your propensity for overthinking had you both running in a circle, chasing after each other and never catching up. That is, until you realized all you had to do was turn around.

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” you apologize. “I should’ve given you a chance.”

Leon smiles and that’s all it takes for him to let you know that it’s okay. That’s all in the past now. “If you want to make it up to me, you could start by telling me your name?”

You smile too, more at ease now, and tell him.

He nods and repeats it, and there’s a satisfaction inherent in his gaze, as if content to finally know it. Then he says it again, and you can’t help grinning too because you like the way it sounds, and this time he tacks onto the end of it a request to go out with him on a date. And, well, what else was there to say besides yes?

When you and Leon part ways, with plans for lunch tomorrow, you return to Lucy’s house. She’s already in the kitchen, gathering ingredients. The two of you are going to make dinner tonight and have a movie marathon. After you close the front door, she calls out, “How was your day?”

“Good!” you reply, removing your shoes and throwing your backpack and jacket onto the couch. “How was yours?”

“Also good.” Lucy shuts the cupboard and sets down the mixing bowl and smiles as you walk into the kitchen. “Oh, and also, guess who stopped by the cafe earlier.”

You shrug. “Who?”

“Leon! You’re so right, you know. He’s much better looking in person. And he’s so nice too!”

You figure he must’ve stopped by to eat lunch because why else would he go to the cafe? But then Lucy points to a vase of flowers you hadn’t noticed was sitting on the dining table. “He actually went to drop those off and ask that I give them to you. He said he knew we were friends because he saw us hanging out. I just went ahead and put them in some water.”

As Lucy rifles through the spice cabinet for the ones she needs for tonight’s dish, you walk up to the table to look at the flowers more closely. They’re a pale yellow. You smile is equal parts fond at Leon’s thoughtfulness and good memory, and amusement due to the fact he’d bought the bouquet you were intending to give Lucy. Your train for Hulbury leaves tomorrow, after your date with Leon, so you suppose you could pretend to reason with Lucy that the flowers were better in her care, and maybe later you can admit to her what had actually transpired.

You slide the vase closer to you to feel the soft petals, and you spot a small card tucked among the stems. Carefully you pull it away and open it up. It’s plain but for a few words written inside: Maybe you’d let me fall for you too?

Leon’s signed his name at the bottom, and your face might crack from how widely you’re smiling. Sighing lightly and clutching the card close to your chest, you twist around.

“So I took a walk along Route 1 earlier,” you begin, and Lucy hums so you know she’s listening, “and the funniest thing happened…”

[kikotsukino]

To shed some light, or.....

Something I wanted to say, and I felt like it is needed to be said. I might be the ‘Only one’ who enjoys Taichi in this remake, because I personally really like it, and it’s just not on Taichi, but the other Digi-Destined kids as well, because they are different in a sense, where they are together with their Digimon, each to their own bond that they have for their Digimon, and it is bonus points for me because they are more mature for their age when compared to the original. That all aside, I do take that no matter which version it is, there will be pros and cons, where some would enjoy this one slightly better than the original, or the original better than this reboot, and that’s fine, since we all have our own right on which we prefer and loved better.

Back to Taichi by the way, since this is what made me do up this post and yeah, to probably hopefully be able to just to shed some light to others, or I am probably doing this because Taichi is my favourite character in the original, so here goes, for those who cannot empathise with Taichi in this episode (10) or for the previous other episodes, whatsoever, for a fan, it’s quite sad to see, since I’m sure no fans would like to see someone bash their favourite character or criticise their favourite character, but I guess it’s what makes each of us different…

About this whole Taichi business, and how he care about the fight with Ogremon more than anything else? Well, truth be told, this is something between Greymon and Ogremon, as it was said, it’s a battle that started by Ogremon because of this whole ‘Pride’ business, I’m sure that much is understood in terms of context, right?

So, as Greymon’s partner, in this case Taichi, he would have understood his own Digimon’s feelings, because that was to demonstrate a connection and bond between the two. This is something between the two of them, where the other Digi Destined would not understand, and that’s fine, because that’s just.... something between the two of them.... Taichi didn’t want to go into this battle for him, or his own selfish reasons, NO. He wanted this fight, because it was also Agumon’s wish, like he said here:

It was an unfinish business between Greymon and Ogremon, because of the interruption from Metal Tyranamon... And it was a pity that they couldn’t finish their fight/battle, the others won’t understand Agumon’s feelings nearly as much as Taichi because they’re not connected/bonded the same way. This is why it’s so endearing to see, like each of them have their own bond/connection with their own Digimon in their own way. And this is Taichi and Agumon’s bond, which is perfectly displayed in this episode, in my opinion. Sure it was subtle, but was it so hard to feel/grasp from this episode?  

I understood and can empathise why Taichi felt that way in that episode in terms of writing, because it was a way of showing how Taichi connects with Agumon and understood Agumon’s feelings. It’s also another way to show how the others doesn’t understand just how important that battle was for the two of them. Taichi caring about that battle doesn’t mean he care for this mission of the Holy Digimon any less, but it he shows us these feelings because he care about how Agumon feels at the end of all this, and I quite like that display of affection. This is something subtle, that I love. 

As for how Taichi trusted Ogremon words, why wouldn’t he? He was there, at the scene, he saw in his eyes up close, or through his eyes, however you like to put it, and Ogremon’s sacrifice to protect both him and Greymon, so ofcourse Taichi would believe in Ogremon. And for Yamato’s case, how he didn’t trust the source coming out from the enemy, that is absolutely fine too, because it shows a sense that Yamato doesn’t trust outsiders easily, or those who he doesn’t consider his ally, and I think it is endearing that it display that trait from Yamato to be honest, because when it comes to him opening up, and those he consider his friends, he will trust them, like how he said here: 

In other words he trusted Koshiro words/source over Ogremon, and for Yamato’s case, it’s understandable, because he consider Koshiro his friend, and not Ogremon, since he was on the enemy side. Yamato was just being careful, but the result is... Taichi was right to trust in Ogremon, but it doesn’t mean the reason why Yamato didn’t believe in Ogremon at first was less valid coming from his stance/point of view. So I understood and can empathise with both Taichi and Yamato in this scene. 

Finally, Greymon not going the Skull Greymon route... For me, I am perfectly fine with it NOT going the Skull Greymon route. Since for me, I see this is a reboot for a reason, different story, different circumstances surrounding it. It’s much easier to treat this as an AU since it’s more enjoyable that way. So, what happened in the original will most likely not going to happen in this one, because it's kinda like an AU setting, a reboot, different story writing etc, despite it's still the same characters, however there will be differences in this one. Not going the Skull Greymon route like in the original, doesn't mean Taichi or the other Digi Destined will not have other developments with their Digimon later on. Why watch something that is of the same when they can maybe offer us something different and better? 

Honestly, despite I am not a fan of the Skull Greymon Route in the original, but I understood why it happened in the original, but in this one, the characters are much maturer for their age, and this isn't just on Taichi, if you notice, so let's just wait and see what they have to offer us. It's still too early to be disappointed about it when it's only 10 episodes in. I personally like this one for it having a strong connection and bond with their Digimon, and have a sense of 'togetherness'  i.e. they go into battle together, when compared to the original. 

The built up in the original lead to the Skull Greymon route, and that's understandable, in terms of context, but in this reboot, it’s understandable why it didn’t, because Taichi isn't as impulsive and hot-headed as he was in the original, instead in this one they work together as one, and so they perfected this 'together', and he demonstrated the crest of courage really well. If it suddenly went the Skull Greymon route, it would have been bad writing/makes no sense in this episode. So, really, instead of complaints it didn't go that route, why can't we just appreciate that Taichi and Agumon can perfect their Digivolution together between partner and Digimon in this one for once. Just like how the other Digi-Destined would be able to later on, and back then.

For those who was disappointed for not going that route, you can always go back and watch the original for that route. In this one, I wanted something more refreshing and different. You don’t need the Skull Greymon route for developments between the two. It can be something different and refreshing, so let’s just wait and see. 

I know there are people who have issues with this remake, for their own personal reasons, and probably because there’s this comparison between the original writing vs this reboot version, but all in all, you can always treat this as an AU, same characters, similar story, but not the same, that’s what makes it enjoyable and less predictable if that makes sense. If you still hate it, then.... Well, I guess this reboot is not for you. 

P.S: I know the subtitles have Orgemon, but the website have it as Ogremon, so I am sticking to this spelling on my end, doesn’t matter which spelling, you know what I’m talking about. 

At the end of the day, you don’t have to agree with me, but I am just honestly tired of seeing negatives comments about this episode, so I did up this post. Some of you may dislike it, but I surely like this episode on my end for all said. Taichi is still relatable and likeable to me, just like the rest of the other digi-destined kids (so far). 

This reboot have proven to be better than Tri (for me at least). 

[amandlas]

right at the borderline is where i'm gonna wait

tfota | jude x cardan, post-reconciliation, nsfw, the idiots get biblical. seriously. (ao3)

[give or take three years after qon. title from “meet me halfway” by black eyed peas]

The apple had been shiny. Decadent in gold, everything about it inhuman.

Jude inspected it with a slithering memory of it stuffing her nose, trickling down her cheeks. Back when Valerian was alive and planned to make a fool of her. How could something so beautifully venomous appear so harmless?

She was uncomfortably reminded of her twin sister. To shake away the thought she spoke.

“An apple doomed humanity.”

Cardan lifted a brow. His tail swept at his back, causing a small hissing noise. They were done with food, lounging at the table close and carefree, political matters long dealt with.

Jude scrunched her brows, trying to remember. “In some religions of mortals, the first man and woman were kicked out of heaven for eating an apple. Her, specifically.”

“Really?” he asked, intrigued.

She nodded. “Adam and Eve. They were meant to live in the garden of Eden but a devilish snake charmed Eve into eating the forbidden fruit.” She grabbed the faerie apple, lifted it for closer inspection. She could smell its sickly sweetness. “Then she convinced Adam to do the same.”

His face was full of amusement. “A snake.”

“A snake.” Jude placed the apple back on the platter. There was more, she knew there was, but her time in the mortal world was long past. “The devil in disguise, actually.”

He nodded as if in understanding. “Is that your creation?”

Jude felt stunned by the use of ‘your’. She shifted in her seat, moving her right leg so it was no longer in contact with his. This subject was bringing back memories forgotten or repressed for more than a decade. Crosses. Stars. Going to school, seeing churches on the way there through the car window. Thick books hidden in a drawer in every hotel room. Like anything mortal, religion had been ruined by Elfhame even if the Duartes had never been particularly devout. She found herself unable to move forward from this yet wanting to run away.

“Religion was never a strong verse of mine. Especially considering the age I came here.” The thought drifted off into silence. It was all she could say. Cardan had the decency to hold her gaze, to allow her this vulnerability without pity.

Her eyebrows scrunched again. “It must all sounds so…absurd to you.” She had to look away.

Cardan remained silent, his tail quiet at his back. He grabbed the apple and gave it a hard bite. Through juicy chunks he bid her, “What happened to them?”

For a handful of days, she told him here and there. Not much but the mere basics. Jude herself didn’t recall too well. She remembered the tale through Cardan. He asked, more intrigued than was to be expected, either for her favor or a genuine curiosity over human beliefs. She even managed to stop by a human library during a visit to Vivi’s, where she found and printed out a picture from the internet to show her husband. He saw a drawing of two naked people ambling by bushes of green and red. They had leaves between their legs and expressions of wonder. Of children. Jude still couldn’t pinpoint how to feel. It settled weird in her stomach, as she held up the tiny print out and Cardan squinted with an unreadable expression. To think that this was her beginnings. How faeries must’ve seen them. Standing in the shoes of an outsider, it made her feel more human than she felt in a long time.

She thought the subject to be blessedly forgotten, until a few days later.

Cardan was guiding her with hands over her eyes. The guards were called away, instructed not to interrupt them. Jude felt the pounding of her own heart up to her ears. She could sense and hear grass under her feet, smell leaves and moss. The place they were going to was warm.

“Why is it growing quieter?”

Cardan didn’t falter. “We’re moving deeper into the forest is why.”

“Will we run into wild animals? I remember studying the mountain lions-”

His chuckle cut her off. “No lions, Lady Devout Student. I found this place not too long ago, in the years prior to my ascension to the throne. It is quiet and secluded.” There was a pause. He stopped both in their tracks. “I’ll admit it was lonely. I was often lonely. At least here, the view was better than my chambers at Hollow Hall.”

Cardan removed his hands.

Jude huffed in a breath. She couldn’t appreciate being led blindly through the woods, but the sight before her took the words away.

It was a small bit of everything a human would expect of a fairytale. A nook in the woods, some place forgotten by the maps. There was an ample space surrounded by greenery. She could only describe it as a concealed meadow. The trees formed in a natural alcove, hugging the space into intimacy. Even the thin slices of sunlight creeping through leaves looked magical. And flowers. Those were everywhere. Their smell filled her nose, enticing like honey.

“There,” Cardan pointed.

It was an apple tree. Small and with only a few golden apples dangling from its branches. She did not know what to make of the metaphor.

“It’s…bewitching,” she told him.

He walked over to the tree. Pried a fruit off it. “I never showed this place to anyone.”

That simple sentence reached her heart. He walked over back to her.

“I was reminded of this place,” he began, “when you first told me the mortal creation story.”

Ah. Everything was clicking. Jude took a deep breath, inhaling with it the scent of the apple. “The garden of Eden was meant to be heavenly.” She smirked at him, lifting a brow. “This is presumptuous of you.”

His hand found her chin. “Presumptuous it may be. Conceited, even. Poetic, hopefully?”

It was endearing to see him this way. To allow him to care. She stepped closer, his loose linen white shirt brushing hers. She didn’t have a dramatic black coat over hers but that was attributed to his taste and her lack thereof. The black tint around his eyes was perfect.

“Am I supposed to fall hopeless to your faerie charms?” She stepped even closer, so close she pretended to clean lint off his coat.

His free hand fell to her hip. “Are they successful?”

She scoffed. “You fell for my foolish mortal wiles. Anything should be possible.”

With the hand holding the apple, he brushed some strands of hair out of her face. “Here I am, attempting to be elegiac.” He leaned down and planted a soft, deep kiss on her lips.

Jude allowed her eyes to close. She let herself be vulnerable, allowed him to lead. He kissed her again, still slow as if afraid she would turn and leave. When they pulled apart he was breathing heavy. Then he licked the skin of the apple, not quite biting it, while maintaining eye contact.

Her breathing hitched.

“Never have I been the doted student so correct me if I'm wrong.” His lips met her cheek, then the other. “I recall that Adam and Eve had but two rules.”

“Rules?”

He pulled back and rolled his eyes. “Expectations.”

Jude let out a laugh. “You’ve become a better student.” He’d become a better lots of things. “What rules?”

His one hand still gripped her waist. “The first was not to eat the apple. Which,” he threw his golden apple in the air and caught it again, “they failed.” He said it with a certain finality that fell ill on her belly.

Her eyes fell directly on the faerie fruit in his hand. It all suddenly swirled around in her head. Her humanity. The memory of being helplessly under its spell that school afternoon, and the memory of desiring more. How at that moment, at the raw experience of eating the single fruit she lost semblance of herself, her basest instinct of survival. It pushed her to act against her own self-interest, to destroy herself. Succulent and blissful it had been, but the cost of it was the fall. A beautiful fall, but a fall nonetheless.

She felt too close to Eve at that moment. A shudder ran down her body. Eve, the first mother, who many pointed to as the broken woman who cursed humankind. The single bite that ruined the world.

Cardan could tell she got lost in her head. He lowered his hand and brought her eyes to his. He demanded all her attention.

“I don't believe you are foolish.” He whispered it like a caress. “I never have.” He paused, gathering his thoughts and granting her the same courtesy. “My own prejudice blinded me, as yours did me equally.”

“You thought me an insect for so long.”

“And you thought me a monster.”

Some days it was hard to convince herself that either of them was wrong.

He let the fruit fall from his hand so he could cup her face fully.

“Adam and Eve are a whimsical tale but I would not call anyone naive for believing in it. Not you, if you did, or any other mortal. From a certain light it’s...innocent. Sweet.”

Jude scoffed, her heart lightened. “Sweet? The doom of humanity is sweet?”

He smiled at her laugh. “No. The intention of you. Residing in heaven, living in ignorant bliss with your love and your equal is what makes it sweet.”

At this she lifted a brow. He might be bringing some of his own interpretation to the tale. But gender relations and faith had always been different in Elfhame, so he knew no better. “Like I mentioned, I am not well-versed in the text. Some mortals would even call you wrong. But I suppose a story is to be made whatever the reader wishes to make it.”

“Here's what I make of this one.” And he pulled her into another hungrier kiss.

Jude could’ve almost laughed, as he tugged at her clothes and her fingers shed him of his trousers. Piece by piece, they rid the other of clothing. When air bit her bare skin, she jumped back without thinking. They were in public. They could be found.

Cardan studied her expression quickly, worried. He understood immediately. “The guards. I sent them off to a perimeter, remember? We are alone.”

Right. Tension left her muscles as her spine straightened again. She brought his body back to hers, only his shirt and socks left. She helped him with the first as he stepped out of the second.

“I cannot believe your biblical seduction worked.”

His fanciful smile flashed. Sparkling white teeth. “It is not finished yet.”

Part of her couldn’t believe it. “Frankly, it’s hard to fathom you could care so much.”

He ignored her, as they were now fully uncovered. Silently, he leaned forward and shook out her hair, fluffing it out in wild tangles. It was unlike her, aside from moments in training when her pleats came loose. His long fingers touching her scalp sent shivers everywhere in her body, and her eyes drooped. Jude’s brown hair was so long and fluffy it fell down streams past her shoulders, brushing the tops of her breasts and tickling her back. When Cardan appeared satisfied with the results, he stepped back to rake her all over. From crown to heel.

As naked as they had come into this world. Mortal and fae alike. There was a metaphor there.

“You forgot the second.” Cardan whispered this into her neck as he guided her down onto the floor.

“What?” It was hard to think.

“The second rule. You forgot to ask about it.” They settled on the pasture.

Part of her was so confused. Also annoyed. “Oh, you’re teaching now?”

He made a show of pinching the side of her ass. Jude yelped. He soothed her by nuzzling her nose with his.

“The first rule was not to eat the apple. Correct?”

This was so out of bounds but it had to be going somewhere. She nodded.

Her husband took a deep breath. Inhaling her in. Perhaps afraid of what he would say next. Of what Jude would think. “The second was to go forth and be fruitful.” His pale hand trailed her sides, skimming her hips. “To continue humanity.” His lips marked kisses on her clavicles, descending to her chest. “To have many,” a kiss to her sternum, “many,” another right above her belly button, “many children.” The last kiss was at her abdomen, his hands on either side of her stomach.

The air was knocked right out her lungs. Cold shocked her entire body, then in a flash she was hot all over.

She looked into his eyes. Cardan was calm, serene. He was upright now, leaning on one hand on the ground. His thumb drew circles on her hip. A part of him seemed resigned, as if ready for a blow. In that moment she felt his spirit as open as she had privilege to see very few times prior.

Jude trained her voice not to shake. “You wish to be fruitful, my husband?”

A long pause. They only stared at each other until Cardan leaned down to kiss her stomach again. “To try, certainly.”

She couldn’t find any words. Therefore she used her body instead. One hand cupped his face, gently, then the other. As if holding a delicate bird. His black crow eyes could tear her soul apart.

Half of her didn’t know what she was doing when her hands pulled him up, meeting his lips with hers. It was neither an answer nor a rejection. A response, the best she could give him for now.

Nevertheless he answered threefold. The High King refused to break apart until they were both gasping for air. A small smile adorned his face when he seductively muttered into her lips.

“Let us play like Adam and Eve. I’ll have you with leaves in your hair and grass beneath our backs.” He planted a kiss on her ear, nibbling. “The blue sky can be our witness.”

Her hand kept him where he was as she groaned. “You would play at a mortal amongst the dirt?”

Instead of celebrating her banter, he bit her harder. This time she hissed, and he moved lower.

“We,” Cardan mumbled on her skin, “are the only two beings in here.” Unable to lie, he couldn’t play along with their roles and say ‘in the world’. It had to be ‘in here’, in the alcove, yet she appreciated his way around it all the same. The sentiment remained. That sinful mouth floated over the skin of her belly. It traced a line falling low. Jude gasped when he teased the area above her center. Between her legs is where she wanted him, where he refused to go. A whimper escaped.

It made him look up. “There is no one else.” With that, his red tongue licked the bundle of nerves amidst her thighs.

Jude could only grip his hair, shut her eyes and moan. He drew circles, adding pressure that drew louder noises. When he took all of her into his mouth and sucked she started to scare the birds off the trees.

His hand, snake-like, slithered up her hip and to her breast, where he caressed and squeezed her. The other…it went to her center, aiding his lips, teasing. One finger, then two, and the tongue circling harder.

Jude couldn’t make sense of up from down to the point where her peak came in a waterfall without notice. It felt nothing short of natural. Her chest heaved, eyes closed and back arched. When Cardan withdrew his fingers they were soaked.

Pleased beyond sense, she only felt him work his way back up, align his chest to hers. Smother her neck with kisses while pushing her thighs apart with his knee.

“No one else,” he murmured against her throat.

Her eyes fluttered. “No one…”

He kneeled upward suddenly. Cardan reached for a flower, two, pink and bright from a bush next to her head. He threw off the stems, leaving only the petals and crushing those between his long hands. She was still busy riding her high to ask what the hell he was doing. Then he took what remained of the flowers and smeared it over her body. Across her chest, down to her stomach. She was glazed in petals. Everywhere he touched, she shuddered. Her body was a canvas in pink. Clinging to her skin, staining and perfuming her. Grass glued to her back and flower petals to her front, hair fanned out. It was the farthest from dirty she’d ever felt. His expression was hungry, reverential, and some other unreadable thing.

“Jude.”

She met his gaze. “Cardan.”

His hand went between their legs, and she felt the nudge at her entrance. Her breathing stopped.

He leaned down to touch noses, foreheads, to share breath. “We are primordial.”

He could not lie. He believed it, some part of him, some twisted explanation. She didn’t give herself time to ponder.

“Cardan.” Sliding into her was the easiest thing.

All thoughts died with a sigh.

Everything stilled. His eyelids fell shut, breath tickling her face. “There is only you and me.”

 Time went by oddly. Jude couldn't separate one coupling from the next. Something out of a fever dream or the drowsiness that follows a strong poison. She was overwhelmed with the primal nature of the story, by the pleasure in her body.

Cardan was thrusting into her from behind, both laying on the grass on their sides. Wet leaves stuck to his legs, to her hip. She was moaning, a fist of grass in her hand and a fist of her hair in his. He pulled, brought her closer. “My love,” he whispered in her ear.

Then she was straddling him. Moving up and down painfully slowly, torturous drags. She had his chin in her hands, powerful, forcing his eyes to hers. She was whispering, unrecalled heinous things she wouldn’t remember later. Only the feel of him inside and his hands on her hips.

That might have been the first hour. Or the second.

He was slamming into her. Jude was dizzy with the pace, strong and rhythmic. Her back was to an old tree, steadying her. Cardan kissed her breast. He was not going fast, focusing on going deeper. There were petals stuck to his chest now too, and some grass blades. The paint around his eyes was smudged. She yelped once. An evil smile formed on him, a smile that reminded her of taunts and tricks. His hands fell to her sides, one on her and one on the tree. His hips charged harder, making their pelvises meet and slightly pushing her up the tree. She squealed louder.

Jude was riding him again. She was on her front this time, facing away from him, each hand on his knees for support. Her hair was a mess; tiny stems and petals caught on the ends, the odd twig here and there. It was far from her priorities, though, or his. She even thought the ferality heightened his desire. At her back, Cardan hissed, grip on her waist as she impaled herself on him over and over. Slick sounds filled the meadow.

His tail whispered up her left side. The tuft coil slid around her throat, cutting off a groan, settling as a choker. “Oh,” was what she could manage. A particularly strong moan escaped Cardan. She rode him harder. Faster. Leveling her body so only her waist moved, keeping them close. Back and forth, back and forth, blinding her senses. She came again, as swiftly as an autumn breeze.

That was when he decided to push her forward. His tail stayed at her throat, tightening. She was on all fours, limbs trembling.

Cardan shifted into position behind. “On your knees, Your Majesty.”

It took a few gasps to gather a response. “Majesty? I thought I was Eve from the garden-” but the rest was gone to his thrusts. The grass under her hands was ripped off.

Where had their base necessities gone? For hours they wouldn’t stop to eat, to drink, only to rest for some heartbeats in between positions. A mere catching of the breath. Blue sky turned to pink, purple, to a reddish tint marking sundown. Jude thought the garden had truly driven them mad.

He was on top, eyes locked on hers. Jude sprawled on the ground with one leg horizontal and the other on his shoulder, his hand holding it close. She had one foot in the air and her thighs open wide. Anything but them, but the glistening sight of their joining ceased to exist.

She kept one hand at his hip, beckoning him forward, controlling the pace even with him moving above. It was a fantastic dynamic. Below him, she whispered praise and any unintelligible phrase that came to mind. “Just like that,” she’d say. “Right there. Harder. That’s better.” There was even a shaky “That feels perfect.” It only made him more dutiful. Then she noticed him looking at her breasts. How they bounced by the efforts of their movements.

“Touch them,” she commanded.

His hand went to one, fingers splayed wide, clutching.

“Harder than that.”

With a moan, he squeezed harder, sparking pain and pleasure through her nerves. Her limbs were aflame.

Skin met skin. The slaps were like a song, lulling her and encouraging him. Cardan took a glance at the place where he disappeared in her, again and again.

“You’re drenched.”

She had coated them both until their groins were wet.

Jude grasped his shoulders, snatching him to her, chests meeting. As close as they could be. In that liminal state, in that indescribable eternal in-between, she planted kisses on every inch of him.

“Love me.” She whispered in his ear, his hair, any reachable place. “Love me. Love me. Love me.”

 Their last thoughts blurred into oblivion.

There is only you.

There is only me.

 For now.