The trouble with seeing and hearing your deities.
[Just to immediately preface, I do not see or hear my deities in the literal sense. I see and hear them the same way I can hear my internal monologue and how if I have my eyes open and you tell me to picture a red or green apple, I can.]
For a little while, I thought I was going completely batshit. Like I was ready to check myself into a psych ward batshit. For a good 2 or so weeks, I was very comfortable with just getting a word or two from my gods when using divination, it was like a little treat. But as time progressed and I spent more time around them, I began to hear more and more of their words, and then my brain started to make their appearance.
That’s when I started to have a very scary moment of, “oh no, I’m going crazy.” Or something along the lines of spiritual psychosis. But I didn’t really fit any of the symptoms at all.
[I will say a medication I was on made my paranoia surrounding it worse tho lol]
Asking the gods about it didn’t necessarily help since they just assured me I wasn’t crazy.
Well, I must be, no?
Of course not. lol.
Looking into other people’s experiences with talking with their deities was very eye opening. But it made me wonder about all the unique ways I’ve seen people interacting with their deities, or the ways in which they’ll make themselves known to their devotees. I personally still use a pendulum even though I’ll catch the rest of their sentence before they finish speaking it completely. I call it my safety blanket.
They hate my safety blanket.
I oh so carefully monitor the words they say and what truly makes sense and what doesn’t. What sounds realistic and what absolutely doesn’t. Keeping yourself grounded in reality(you know what I mean) is so so important. I honestly don’t find it to be a bad idea to look up the symptoms of spiritual psychosis and delusions in general if you’re also in the same boat as me, hearing and seeing your gods.
It’s scary, jarring, and it makes you question yourself a lot. So many people are so confident in their abilities already and it’s just like, “oh yeah I hear and see them.”
Like.. okay, but how the fuck does that work for you?
I’m young, I’m new to this, I have no older mentor or friend that’s been in the religion for years to lean on that’s not a god. The fuck should I do?
Sure, you don’t have to say anything about how that works in your head, but I think it’d be nice to. Nobody is obligated to share anything about their worship or practice, yet sharing important disclaimers regarding these “gifts” or senses—whatever you want to call them— I think should be talked about a little more.
I gradually got to this point over the past two months, hearing more and more of them as I spent more time in my practice.
And if anyone wants, I could make a separate post in how I deal with severe intrusive thoughts and this hearing shit. It’s really stressful most times. And not fun.
But wowwwww it’s been weird seeing how they present themselves hahahaha that’s a whole separate post.
In conclusion though, I’m carefully monitoring myself, what I experience, and the new meds I’m going on, and coming off. It’s been a really weird 2 months, but I’m excited for the future anyway.
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mmmm umemiya who makes you put on a show for him. who pulls up a chair beside your bed and gently positions you on the mattress exactly where he wants you and tells you where to touch yourself and how. and you look so pretty, so perfect, he has to squeeze the armrests to prevent the urge to reach out to you. and HE looks absolutely edible, leaned back in the seat with his knees spread and his eyes darkened with lust and appreciation and his undivided attention focused purely on you.
You're being soooo good doing everything he's telling you to do but he can see your fingers just aren't hitting the right spots, which has him losing it a little bit. The longer it goes on the worse he gets, seeing how frustrated you look by how hard you're trying to follow his orders but just not reaching the high he wants to see. Once he sees a little tear run down your cheek he's given up, and just tosses his pants off at that point. He's got his fingers in you in seconds and you practically cum right then and there because that's the ticket, they know exactly where to go inside you.
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The Mask of Mirrors, The Liar’s Knot (by M. A. Carrick)
A friend bought me the book The Mask of Mirrors for Christmas and I swear I didn’t emerge from it for three days straight. This is a SUMPTUOUS non-traditional European fantasy with some of the richest world building I’ve read in a while. The magic, the cultures, the history, the fashion, it all felt so tangible that I could mentally pop myself into Nadezhra pretty much from page one. It had the twisty-turny, political intrigue-y plot that really appeals to me - without the intense violence you might find in other series that often get recommended for their politically-driven plots. Secret identities, characters that make you feel things, a queer-norm society, truly detestable villains… I loved this book. So I had to draw the three main characters obv.
I was so shocked that I couldn’t find the sequel in stores anywhere! Had to order online, and gotta say, it was equally good or better than the first… The character moments in The Liar’s Knot felt like releasing a breath you’ve been holding for hours. You’ll know what I mean if you read it ☺️
Anyway, this series deserves way more hype than it has. I read a LOT of SFF and this one stood out to me as truly fantastic. If you love secret identities, slow (SLOW) burn romance, a puzzle-like plot, tarot, and general luxuriousness for your brain…. I beg you to pick up The Mask of Mirrors.
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*Husk Voice*
I'm a bit pissed off tonight so I'm just gonna say this... There's "Media Literacy" and then there's "I am aware and can accept this type of genre I'm getting into for What It Is and I respect the inner workings of the type of artists who willingly help make the type if genre I'm willingly getting into What It Is even if I don't necessarily agree with/understand them, because really... What did I expect and what other "respectable" person would be willingly putting that much passion into this kind of job to start out with if they weren't just some kinda fuckin' stoopid fucked up sexy lil' Weirdo Freak who had some years upon years of Disrespectful Kinks and Fetishes under their belts to begin with?"
And I'm convinced 99% of Adults who treat Adult Cartoons like prestige late night live action television Don't Get That...
Anyway, friendly reminder that no matter what they're depicting, Cartoon Characters Aren't Fucking Real And Can't Hurt You...
OKAY WOAH THOUGH! EMERGENCY EDIT TIME:
I CAN HAZ FULL ACCESS TO BEETLEJUICE CARTOON? I CAN HAZ?!
YAY.
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