#how do we feel about Samantha’s arc?

[pookie-mulder]

The X-Files mythology is like:

The plot thickens.

It thickens again.

Even thicker.

Now the plot is so thick, it’s a solid piece of matter, yet it still somehow gets even thicker.

Pretty soon it thickens so much that it becomes denser than a neutron star, then collapses under the weight of its own thickness and becomes a black hole, pulling the show’s viewers into it and never letting them escape.

Yet somehow it’s still full of holes?

[deathsbestgirl]

Wish the the X files could be little bit more ABOUT Scully's trauma instead of constantly subjecting her to more of it and then never letting her process it (yes this is a problem with both characters but I do think it's undeniable that it's much worse with Scully, we spend seasons exploring Mulder's Samantha trauma and then they give Melissa and Emily an episode each) (also why the fuck doesn't she even have her name on the door, nevermind a fuckin desk, fuck you Chris Carter)

i think this is something that happens across tv shows in general. i do get bothered sometimes, too, about how muted it is with scully. but also...at least we see her go to therapy a few times lol but like. i would argue scully gets more than we think. with her dad, there's beyond the sea & one breath. with melissa, there's paper clip & piper maru & christmas carol. with emily, we have christmas carol + emily + all souls, and i think people have rightfully connected how the ghosts stole christmas to emily too.

i actually think they're fairly even, it's just that mulder's trauma with samantha is built into the foundation. scully's trauma becomes how they tell a lot of the story. firewalker & irresistible & our town are in the wake of her abduction. she's trying to get back into work, be strong and be there for mulder. what happened to scully in her abduction trails after them for the rest of their lives. her cancer, emily, william...the cancer arc is so much about both of their traumas.

his father's death is barely acknowledged in his life, but he does get an experience similar to scully's in one breath in the blessing way. his mother's is more significant, and connected to samantha. his grief is so painful & heavy in sein und zeit, but it leads to scully helping him find answers about samantha, and gaining some closure. mulder has no real reaction to diana's death, but that relationship is different than family (and with jack for scully, we only get that scene at the end of lazarus. so those line up) and scully is the one who matters. we get so much with samantha because she's the heart of the show, and in the end samantha & scully are connected and not just through mulder.

and as much as i want scully to have a desk & her name on the door...i feel like there's something to be said for why it doesn't happen. one day i'll write about it, if it ever becomes coherent & cohesive.

[carefulfears]

so ... demons coming right after elegy, in the middle of the cancer arc is a crazy choice and i know it means something. please share all your big brain thoughts on mulder & demons?

well...it's kind of like...in elegy, they're being haunted by the future (omens of scully's impending death), in demons, they're haunted by the past (visions from before samantha disappeared). both are highly metaphorical, and both are intrusive, even though he sought out the second. the first is too much. the second isn't enough. and after elegy it's becoming clear that...nothing will be enough. she is so close to death that she can see it. she can't...hide it from him, anymore. she's been dying for a long time. and she doesn't make him face it. she never has that moment where she tells him to just get over it. she never has that moment where she tells him to just accept it, stop avoiding it. she goes to all of her appointments alone. she bleeds alone. even in elegy when they almost argue over it, she tells him that she is fine, and then she goes outside and cries in her car.

but she's not fine, she's so close to death that she can see it, and he knows that. he's so eternally aware. mulder's fatal flaw is that he can see the world, he understands every underlying system, he knows people and how they think. and when he says "i refuse to believe that," he knows that doesn't make it go away. in elegy, he tells her that he's afraid, and she tells him that she's fine. it is a system established long before this particular death sentence.

in the script notes for the last scene of never again, it is remarked that: “if it were ever going to happen, it would be now. as they maintain the silence.”

the way i see it, never again is when they knew. they are not escaping each other. they are dying together. you are coming down with me. (hand in unlovable hand). and then, in the very next episode, comes a diagnosis. they are dying together. and they are dying now. silence is maintained.

so what does she do, after her diagnosis? she buys a journal, and she writes. she writes him letter after letter after letter. begging forgiveness. begging grace. begging courage.

the page that he found, that he read, this is what it said:

“mulder, i feel you close, though i know that you are now pursuing your own path. for that i am grateful- more than i could ever express. i need to know you’re out there if i am ever to see through this.”

i need to know you’re out there. a few months later, in demons, a gun to his chin on the floor of his childhood home, does she feel that he’ll be “out there”? she finds out she doesn’t have much longer to live, maybe weeks, in the next episode, and she doesn’t tell him. she maintains silence.

there’s so much discourse over the choices that mulder makes in demons…it was selfish, it was stupid, it was confusing…i see people ask all the time why he would willingly do something that causes everyone to kill themselves. the answer, of course, is that mulder wants to kill himself. that’s not new, we all watched pusher. (scully watched too). in redux it’s revealed that the “gethsemane” of the episode directly following demons is not scully’s inevitable and closely impending death, it’s mulder alone in his apartment with a gun.

i’m really uninterested in attempting to moralize these decisions…what’s “selfish” at the end of the world? i think demons makes people uncomfortable. to watch a dying woman care for her reckless partner. i also think that’s…the point.

demons is desperate. there’s an obvious desperation in mulder, of course, but also in scully.

throughout season four, we’re watching scully die. she’s getting smaller. she’s getting weaker. she’s getting sicker. but as it progresses, scully is realizing that mulder is dying too. and it all culminates in demons. and what can she do but be afraid? what can she do but get down on the ground and hold him? what can she do but write about what she fears will happen to him? she won’t be there.

nothing will ever be enough after elegy. and there’s nothing that he can do that’s enough. he can’t save her (so he thinks). and…he can’t solve the quest before she dies. he can’t give her the answers that she’s dying for. demons to me is such a last ditch effort. such a hail mary. she deserved to know the capital t Truth, before she’s gone. and i think they both know that maybe, when she is gone, it will never be found.

[cecilysass]

What @jewish-mulder wrote today about Mulder’s desire for family made me want to write a little more about it, too, as it’s one of my fave topics.

In my eyes Mulder’s most compelling and consistent motivation and arc throughout the series is his desire to repair the family that was broken when he was a kid. I think the show is best when Mulder is focused on this, and worst when writers lose sight of this as a drive for him.

In the beginning of the show this is still very literal; he is looking for Samantha. It’s his defining quest. It’s who he is.

In the middle of the show, when his search for Samantha becomes increasingly muddied and his relationship with Scully starts to evolve, he begins to explore other ways his family might look — other ways an adult man might have a family. He has that conversation in Home, we see him with Emily, there are several experiments in domesticity and family life in the sixth season with varying degrees of success.

This culminates in his Amor Fati dream sequence — a domestic suburban life with Diana and kids AND Samantha. This ep foregrounds just how much Mulder has possibly thought about or desired satisfying family relationships. Although at the end of Amor Fati he seems to have to choose to forsake that comfortable life to live the life he’s supposed to, he reconnects with Scully in the final scene in an affirming, quasi-marital way. Moreover, his commitment to his quest is symbolized by a small boy on a beach he’s depicted as playing a kind of paternal role to. I see Amor Fati as an important link between Mulder’s original quest (to repair his family by finding his sister) with his later life quest (to repair his family by finding his son).

In the later seasons, especially after the death of his mother and the resolution of the Samantha arc, Mulder’s need to repair his family finds a new focus in his need to protect Scully and William, and eventually on his need to find / protect William. Even in IWTB, when he is also motivated by wanting to solve a crime and do his work again, he’s experiencing conflict because he knows Scully represents his family life and the rift with her is painful. (But I also think IWTB suffers from not having this Mulder family healing motive more integral to the story.)

In the revival, I love his line “what am I if I am not a father?” because it plays perfectly into this arc. But it also definitely felt abrupt because the groundwork hadn’t really been laid in regards to his feelings about William. I wish this desire of Mulder’s had been put more in the foreground. The show was playing too many coy “who’s the daddy” games in season 8 to get into Mulder’s feelings about fatherhood, and then they didn’t completely explore them in the revival either, always turning first to Scully’s feelings about motherhood. But I would argue it makes perfect sense for his character to be fixated on it. If I were writing a final movie to tie up the show (something I wouldn’t actually do to GA lol), I would focus it on resolving that arc for him.

[alvariearmy]

I know Press sucks... as a general rule. He's callous and cruel for no reason, and his comments and behaviors... definitely exacerbate Abby's eating disorder. (The biggest offense is definitely the Halloween party, where he calls her "whale legs" and has her compete against Samantha for his attention.) But... I feel like if they follow through what they've supposedly said and focus a lot more on Abby's storyline next season, Press might end up with some level of redemption. Not enough for me to ever root for him and Abby, but some level of redemption.

For one, we know that Press is not all bad. Yes, his actions in the show that we see make him seem like a total asshole, so he is definitely not a great guy. However, in season one, Ginny asks Hunter why he keeps Press around as a friend, and Hunter confides that Press was there when Hunter was dealing with his addiction. It's not elaborated on in much detail, but Press clearly helped Hunter a great deal with this, enough that Hunter still feels like he owes it to Press to keep him around. This happened before the series started, so we do not know exactly what happened, but it was clearly not insignificant.

Two, Press notices and comments on Abby taping her legs. I know a lot of people viewed this through the lens of Press's past comments, and I get that. That's what I did at first too. But having watched that clip a few times... he sounds concerned. The issue is not pushed, as Abby gets upset and tells him to shut up, and then that whole thing is largely forgotten for the rest of the season. Still, having listened to and watched that scene again several times, he really does sound like he is concerned.

He does call her "whale legs" again later, when they are making out in the bathroom at the party, but even that sounded less cruel than when he first said it. Not defending him using that term again, to be clear, more so trying to point out that he does not seem fully aware of how much words can hurt. He gets called out for being an asshole a lot, but never in any... meaningful way. Just snarky comments and angry tones. If Press is going to have any real redemption arc, he needs to seriously be called out for the way he behaves and the things he says, by someone he cares about. If they follow through with this sort of tease at him being the one to help her, maybe that will come from Abby, a sort of wakeup call that he cannot help her while also saying things that make her ED worse. But we shall see.

Anyways, I am just excited to see where this goes, and I just found it very interesting that they seem to be setting it up that Press will be the one to help Abby. We know he's good support sometimes, given what Hunter told Ginny in season 1, but we have yet to see it for ourselves. So maybe we will finally get to see Press beyond just the asshole that he usually is, maybe we will finally see why the group keeps him around.

And to be very, very clear, I am not trying to justify or excuse the things he has said and done. The way he has treated most of the characters in the show, especially Abby, has been absolutely disgusting. But he is still a character with a lot of potential, and I hope that they finally explore that in season 3 while they are exploring Abby's storyline.

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of packing

11pm, saturday, july 15, 2023

the things i could be doing right now could fill multiple volumes, but i listened to a podcast today about academic (im)perfectionism and am deciding i don't need to feel guilty. this summer's Big European Travel starts tomorrow and I! am! nervois! but i've done some smaller trips recently which helped me work up to this in a way. further media and life musings below the cut.

reading i had a few weeks there where my recreational reading was... a little bleak, in that i was reading things that felt dated and/or formulaic and/or just put me straight to sleep, thereby meaning that i took much longer than i normally like to finish anything-- this was enlivened with two excellent new instalments from two different series i love, anne leckie's translation state and samantha shannon's a day of fallen night.

very very fun now thinking of these back to back. two books were so engrossing, built (and built on) such rich worlds, such good command of the vibes/atmosphere/tone they were going for, but so different! to sound like a book reviewer for a moment, leckie's prose is sort of lean where shannon's is lush, something like that. there's a joke in here based on the meme that goes 'sci-fi is where x, fantasy is where y' but i'm too tired to work it out myself. both of these books say-- so there are incomprehensible beings in your world which may wish to eat and/or destroy you, and some people have found ways to work or live with them, but it is very weird and alien to your way of life. day of fallen night feels more like a climate metaphor, and there is plenty that felt pulled straight from the psyche of the years 2020-2023. both do fun/interesting things with gender and relationships, and both made me want to go re-read their respective predecessors to heighten the feeling of connection and resonance with those other works.

watching mostly dimension 20-- i introduced @yogurtforever to fantasy high last week, and I myself have been working my way through the toy island arc of neverafter-- but here is the place to mention watching netflix's new documentary about WHAM!, of all things, with @yogurtforever and @thehibernatinglentil last weekend.

not being a documentary hound, i never would have watched this without friends, but it was genuinely quite fun! i didn't know a ton about wham! or george michael, which i now realize is a shame because there's a lot to know. making up for it by having the lyrics to their first hit single, the inimitable 'wham rap', stuck in my head for the next 200 years.

listening due in no small part to the wham! doc (and an mama mia 2 rewatch the week before that), i put on a lot of throwback music this week. it ended up being more 70s than 80s, and that got me thinking about how strongly my parents' music taste influenced mine. there are so many good artists from ~back then~ who i have found out about later, because we just didn't listen to them at home? and of the vinyl i remember finding in the basement, you know, it wasn't bowie, it wasn't fleetwood mac, it wasn't springsteen (it was james taylor and paul simon and probably joni mitchell). luckily, summer camp taught me all the lyrics to a bunch of other oldies, and we did listen to the radio oldies station quite a lot, so my education wasn't entirely deficient. i bring this week the don maclean song 'vincent', which i will be thinking a lot about for one reason and another this week.

playing i have, at long, long last, completed my stardew community center. it was a little anticlimactic, after all the travail that went into it, but i'm so pleased. it only took like two actual human real life years! the last thing i needed was a rabbit's foot, and now at last i feel like i can move to the next tier of game play. i remain unmarried, fighting for my life in skull cavern, but now with two small bunnies to love.

making trying to figure out how to eat most of the food i have in the fridge, how to use up things and make the most of what i have and not leave anything to spoil for the next little while, so i haven't really been cooking big projects. i've been 'making' appointments, got my eyes checked, had coffee with two different profs and chatted with a former student about her med school applications, and that's about it!

working on conference paper, which is both a slideshow (graphic design is my passion, this part is mostly fine) and a draft of what might turn into usable words for the chapter i'm working on. naturally i have built it up into the Biggest Scariest Most Important task, and so am avoiding it and finding it miserable to work on. and i still have time! i had wanted to not work on it on the plane, during my travel week, etc., but there is actually time. there's time. and i keep having small breakthroughs, after 2-5 hours of dicking around, which allow me to believe that there is an end in sight. other things to be worked on, for when i have some 'free' 'time'-- newsletter draft that's so very overdue, multiple students asking for detailed essay feedback and grade breakdowns, emails from students asking for other things, recommendation letter, the next chapter that i'm meant to be finishing this summer. luckily, it's a long plane ride.

[danse--macabre]

🧡💔💕!

🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with?

any variation of 'Shadowheart is a pillow princess' (you're failing to see her range!). also: she listens to gothic metal, she's too cool and purposefully emotionally detached for the raw intensity of emo music.

💔: If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose?

If we're including antagonists: I'd remove Raphael and have Mizora subsume his role and all his characteristics. It feels weirdly 'small world' to have TWO devils obsessed with the party, and the patron of the warlock actually NOT being the one causing trouble for the party, most of the time. Also, I think Mizora as a high flying lawyer closet pathetic theatre gay with a chip on her shoulder because she has an important daddy is hilarious and also just makes her character much more than the bare bones, one-note cartoon villain it currently is.

If we're restricting ourselves to companions: ... okay extremely hot take but I'd remove Karlach, as much as I like Karlach, and the reason I'd do that is because I think each companion brings in a different aspect of d&d lore and different villains (Astarion has vampires, Lae'zel has githyanki, Shadowheart has Shar & shadow-cursed creatures, Gale has Mystra & much of 5e's magic lore), but Karlach and Wyll have to share devils as a big bad - neither of which, actually, are their final villain, which is a miss of itself, but I would like to see that really honed in. In any case, I would sacrifice Karlach so that devils, devil pacts, and devil manipulation could be explored in more depth in Wyll's storyline. Ideally we'd do a 2-for-1 and we'd replace Raphael with Mizora in this timeline for maximum impact. IMO, Wyll is too plot-important to consider removing. I also think Wyll's particular interpretation of 'neutral good', and how that actually veers into dangerous self-sacrifice and undermining of self-value, is more interesting than Karlach's, which is usually fairly uncomplicated (though there are moments e.g. soul coins where this could be complex, but aren't explored). The main thing we'd lose, asides from Samantha Beart's fucking spectacular performance, is someone with a close personal connection to Gortash, but I think that's a loss I could bear.

In return for Karlach being sacrificed we need to make Lae'zel 7ft as a matter of balance and equity. At least one character additionally needs to come from a solidly working class background, even if it's something they actively hide or don't know (I vote Shadowheart or Astarion). Someone also needs an ax to grind with Gortash. Those are the rules.

💕: What is an unpopular ship that you like?

Wyll/Lae'zel and Jaheira/Astarion are probably my favourite rare-r pairs. I've talked about Jaheira/Astarion at length before but I really think Wyll can absolutely take (& be drawn in by) Lae'zel's intensity but she also has a soft, romantic heart that pairs perfectly with his. I love the idea of her giving him swordfighting lessons as his are all noble fencing/scrappy fighting from the road, and I love him giving her dancing lessons in return. Lae'zel's arc involves seeing the beauty in the world beyond battle, in this soft world of Faerun, and Wyll is the perfect person to show her that.

[richincolor]

Review: Throwback by Maurene Goo

Summary: Back to the Future meets The Joy Luck Club in this YA contemporary romance about a Korean American girl sent back to the ’90s to (reluctantly) help her teenage mom win Homecoming Queen.

Being a first-generation Asian American immigrant is hard. You know what’s harder? Being the daughter of one. Samantha Kang has never gotten along with her mother, Priscilla—and has never understood her bougie-nightmare, John Hughes high school expectations. After a huge fight between them, Sam is desperate to move forward—but instead, finds herself thrown back. Way back.

To her shock, Sam finds herself back in high school . . . in the ’90s . . . with a 17-year-old Priscilla. Now this Gen Z girl must try to fit into an analog world. She’s got the fashion down, but everything else is baffling. What is “microfiche”? What’s with the casual racism and misogyny? And why does it feel like Priscilla is someone she could actually be . . . friends with?

Sam's blast to the past has her finding the right romance in the wrong time while questioning everything she thought she knew about her mom . . . and herself. Will Sam figure out what she needs to do to fix things for her mom so that she can go back to a time she understands? Brimming with heart and humor, Maurene Goo’s time-travel romance asks big questions about what exactly one inherits and loses in the immigrant experience.

My Thoughts: Family relationships can be so incredibly complicated. In Throwback, Maurene Goo really digs into the mother-daughter dynamic. Samantha and Halmoni, her grandmother, get along very well, but her relationship with her own mother and her mom's relationship with Halmoni are both strained. A good portion of the novel revolves around this complexities of these three relationships and what Sam discovers about them during her time jump.

I'm generally not a fan of time travel because my brain wants everything to be logical and that isn't always possible in these scenarios. It was hilarious to watch a Gen Z person dealing with the 90s though and that more than made up for any of the squishy bits that may not actually seem possible. As with all of Maurene Goo's books, there were so many opportunities for laughter. I thoroughly enjoyed her previous novels, Since You Asked [RiC review], I Believe in a Thing Called Love [RiC review], The Way You Make Me Feel [RiC review], and Somewhere Only We Know [RiC review], so I was really looking forward to getting my hands on Throwback and it did not disappoint.

Sam has some strong opinions and she is not afraid to voice them. I love that about her. She also doesn't stand by and watch if someone is being unkind. She speaks up and does something about what she sees. She interrupts. She is not concerned about trying to blend in, at least most of the time. As she visits the past though and sees her mother's life, she also realizes that parts of her life that don't actually match up to what she truly believes and values. She learns about herself, her mother, and her grandmother which affects how she views much of her life.

Recommendation: Get it as soon as it hits the shelves in April especially if you enjoy laughing through a book. While you wait, you can grab one of Maurene Goo's other books if you haven't had a chance to read them yet.

Publisher: Zando Young Readers Categories: Contemporary, historical, humor, romance Pages: 386 Review copy: Digital ARC via publisher Availability: Releases on April 11, 2023

[spacephrasing]

❤️🧍‍♂️?

❤️- fave episode/moment?

my fave bscd episode is night of the living shorts bc i fucking love the gang making fun of fred, i love them calling each other by their last names "not cool jones!" "knock it off, blake!", AND i love daphne pretending to be shaggy's girlfriend!!! I think it's such a clear sign of their friendship and how this show portrays that. I feel like if it happened in sdmi or what's new, they'd be fake dating for a mystery and daphne would be grossed out, and i love that be cool doesn't do that

🧍‍♂️- fave version of each of the gang and why?

somebody asked me this awhile ago, but i'll go over it again bc ofc i love talking about the Dorks

daphne: 100% be cool, weird girl daphne rights!! runner up is the newer era movies where they establish her as co-leader of the gang, and lost city of gold bc samantha de benedet is my fave person ever

shaggy: 2000s live action movies!! matthew lillard is fuckin amazing and i love the way they characterize him and scooby as the ones who get the gang back together. runner up is probably be cool or the 2010 live actions

fred: mystery incorporated babeyyyy he is such a sweetheart despite being a lil clueless as we all know, but i love his arc as well. runner up is be cool bc i love that he's slightly annoying. listen, i think be cool has the most realistic friendship dynamic between them and i think it's adorable he gets teased like real friends would do!!

velma: this is the same as daphne but be cool and the newer movies as well!!! i love the way kate miccuci plays velma and how she has a dry humor while still loving her friends completely. i also just like the way the gang treats her now esp daphne??? like in be cool daphne is very much knows that velma has her way of doing/enjoying things and it's completely valid. and once again, runner up is lcog because I think alicia d'ariano does an excellent job at combining kate and linda while giving her own twist on her

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Snake Eyes chapter 10: Crossroads (originally posted on October 30, 2023)

AN: And now, the moment I've wanted to write for so long ever since I first started conceiving of this grand finale: the redemption of Black Rutile. Normally, trying to turn a proud psychopath who was not ashamed to say she regretted nothing good would be a very hard thing to do, but after all the emotional beatdowns she suffered throughout this story, Black Rutile might as well need one. But while many might say Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender had the best redemption arc, I'm actually taking a different route for Black Rutile's that is heavily based off of Megatron's portrayal in the twilight years of the original Transformers IDW comics. Anyone who read those comics should be very excited to see what I have in store for Black Rutile. Otherwise, prepare to feel a lot.

Synopsis: After Nosiop throws her out, Black Rutile starts rethinking her views.

Cast:

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Zach Callison as Steven

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl, Yellow Pearl, Blue Pearl, Volleyball, The Black Pearl Brigade

Grace Rolek as Connie

Shelby Rabara as Peridot, Squaridot

Jennifer Paz as Lapis, Laz, Zuli

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper, Dalmatian Jasper

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Patti LuPone as Yellow Diamond

Lisa Hannigan as Blue Diamond

Christine Ebersole as White Diamond

Sarah Stiles as Spinel

Christine Baranski as Hessonite

Olivia Olson as Citrine

Avi Roque as Cinnabar

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball

Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate

Casey Lee Williams as Cat's Eye

Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald

Kari Wahlgren as Pyrope

Melissa Fahn as Demantoid

Hayley Kiyoko as Morganite

Idina Menzel as Amazonite

Halsey as Tanzanite

Mia Barron as Apatite

Awkwafina as Kyanite

Allison Janney as Pyrite

Zehra Fazal as Zoisite

Lena Hall as Bloodstone

Jodie Whittaker as Xenotime

Gina Torres as Andesine

Barbara Dunkelman as Amber

Kristen Schaal as Howlite

Catherine Tate as Lepidolite

Cissy Jones as Princess Naja Jormagundr

Henry Rollins as Captain Boa

Neil Flynn as Aescul

Samantha Newark as The Lapidarist

--

"Okay, how long do we have until Squamata leaves Serpentes and devours the rest of the universe?" Pearl asked as she, Garnet, Hessonite, Citrine, Aquamarine, Cinnabar, Andesine, Captain Boa, and Aescul watched a holographic image of Squamata continuing his rampage against the Slytherophidians.

"I'm betting not long." Hessonite proclaimed. "He'll eventually get bored and move onto another planet. Worst case scenario; he'll consume Earth or Homeworld next just to spite us."

"We need to act quickly." Garnet proclaimed stoically. "If Squamata succeeds in destroying this universe, there's no telling what kind of destruction he'll wreak upon other universes as well."

"It truly pains me to see Nosiop fall this far," Boa said mournfully of his prince's status. "I wish I could've informed Cobralan of this earlier."

"It's okay, Boa, we all didn't know," Aescul responded comfortingly before he turned around to find Black Rutile standing behind him. "Oh hey, I forgot you were still here!"

"Oh, hello, Black Rutile." Pearl greeted the Rutile. "Don't mind us. We're busy thinking of a way to save the known universe and beyond here. Just run along and play while we work here."

"But I can help!" Black Rutile continued urging the group. "Nosiop told me everything there is to know about Squamata, so unless you all want to die, I suggest you listen to me if you want to live!"

"Black Rutile, dear." White Diamond said calmly as she suddenly appeared behind her former subordinate. "They're making it clear that they're not interested in your help right now. So please, go run along and play by yourself while we sort things out."

"What are you, my mom?" Black Rutile scoffed as she stormed off in a huff. "Fine, but don't come crying to me once heads start rolling!"

"Someone needs an attitude adjustment," Aescul murmured at Black Rutile while watching her walk away.

"I think it's because we refused to believe her about Squamata," Garnet replied. "Perhaps she has been telling the truth and wants to change, but we'll just have to wait and see."

"I'll go talk to her." Cinnabar offered herself up and began following Black Rutile. "I've been her apprentice for centuries; I know her more than anyone else in this room."

--

Elsewhere in the castle, Black Rutile gazed out a window as she watched Squamata and his heralds start draining Serpentes of its energy, causing the land around them to decay. Black Rutile sighed nostalgically as she reminisced on how the Diamonds would cause the planets they colonized to die after draining them of their resources. But those days were long gone, just like what the universe will soon be once Squamata gets bored with Serpentes and moves onto another planet.

"Hello, Black Rutile." Cinnabar said as she walked up to Black Rutile and stood next to her, the two Gems now staring out the same window. "I'd like to talk to you about everything happening recently."

"Oh yes, about me betraying you all and unleashing Squamata only to get stabbed in the back as well?" Black Rutile asked.

"Exactly." Cinnabar answered.

"I know you and everyone else must hate me now for wanting to use the Lapidarist to push the reset button on all Gemkind," Black Rutile said. "But there's no harm in talking one last time before you disown your old mentor, huh?"

Cinnabar only responded by pulling out her broadsword and attempting to strike Black Rutile down. "You betrayed us! You betrayed me!" she screamed angrily as Black Rutile halfheartedly blocked the strike with her bowie knife. "What happened to you?! What have the Crystal Gems done to you?!"

"Enough." Black Rutile quietly commanded her former apprentice to stand down, which she obeyed.

"Did Steven finally corrupt you into his slave?" Cinnabar kept yelling. "Tell me, did he?!"

"No, it's not Steven's fault," Black Rutile sorrowfully revealed. "And I'm sorry if that disappoints you."

"But we believed in you. We dedicated our gems to you." Cinnabar cried in betrayal. "And this is how you treat us?!"

"Not just to me. Black Rutile declared. "But to your own twisted ego and selfishness as well that you used to serve my cause."

"But our cause was what you thought was best for all Gems!" Cinnabar exclaimed. "At least, I thought it was."

"You got that right." Black Rutile agreed dourly.

"I came here to tell you that we're teaming up with the Crystal Gems to stop Squamata from destroying the universe." Cinnabar revealed to her old mentor.

"Wait, seriously?" Black Rutile scoffed dryly. "And here you are, getting on my case for betraying you."

"Steven can be selfish and narrow-minded, sure, but he still accepted us despite what we've done because we have nowhere else left to go." Cinnabar added.

"Well then, off you go!" Black Rutile snapped at Cinnabar. "Go ahead and abandon your lives, your identities, the very reason you were created, all for his twisted ideals and principles!" The two Gems were silent for a few pregnant moments before Cinnabar sat down next to Black Rutile.

"The moment you tell me that this was all a trick, that you're going to kill the royal family and use their armada to conquer the universe, then Steven really did lie to us." Cinnabar stated, hoping what she just said would be true. "He doesn't care that we're without identity; he'll force a new one onto us."

"Ah yes, identity. I've forgotten how toxic that can sometimes be." Black Rutile declared calmly. "Speaking of identity, you're still falling for all the lies about how Pink Diamond didn't mean any harm in starting the rebellion, right?"

"Not entirely." Cinnabar answered. "She didn't care that so many lives were lost in her crusade against the Diamonds, but she still cared deeply for life."

"Organic life, I know." Black Rutile sighed. "So, what do you plan on doing with me now?"

"If you refuse to admit your flaws, I have no choice but to leave you here." Cinnabar declared coldly.

"And you found Aquamarine and the others?" Black Rutile then asked.

"A test. And you failed." Cinnabar replied. "I've been watching you for our entire sentence to Revanche 666. You've just sat in your cell with your eyes closed, doing nothing but think and think and think. And do you want to know what I think? I think for the first time in your life, you feel like you have no identity. You've been many things. An eager Rutile with big dreams, a confidant to White Diamond, a rebel leader. And now what?"

"A selfish fool." Black Rutile responded before turning her knife into a sword and gazing into her reflection on the blade.

"But why? If you did change sides, you'd become a Crystal Gem in all but name." Cinnabar wondered. "No more, no less. Why rethink your entire life now?"

"I once told Steven that the Rutile Rebels came together to seek retribution by any means necessary. I wanted to make him hurt, to make him feel the same pain that he unknowingly brought upon us with his blissful naïveté and optimism." Black Rutile explained to Cinnabar. "And the thing is, at the end of the day, I'm feeling the same pain I brought Steven, only far worse than I thought. If the universe sees you as a monster, what does it matter? The universe is filled with monsters. But when you start thinking that you're the monster."

Black Rutile let out a heavy sigh before continuing. "I came to hate what I've turned myself into. A cunning, devious, opportunistic, sociopathic monster that even Steven believed was beyond redemption. I thought the only way to restore my old legacy and set everything back to what it was before Pink even came into existence, probably the easiest way, was to gain the Lapidarist's godlike powers so I could rejuvenate the entire Gem race."

"You're not a monster. Well, you're not the monster that you think you are now." Cinnabar assured Black Rutile. "As humans would often say, nobody's perfect. We're all like Off-Colors in a way. We can't fit in with society, and that causes us to feel like we're alone in the world. It's why we formed the Rutile Rebels; we felt alone in Era 3, and you were the only one who could give us a purpose. Maybe in a couple of hundred years, we'll remember this conversation and laugh about how ridiculous it was for you to consider changing your ways."

"Consider, you say?" Black Rutile said, gazing down at her hands, calloused from years on the battlefield and years of plotting her grand uprising. "Look at me, Cinnabar. I'm a hopeless, bigoted shell of my former self. Ignorant and proud of it, too." She gently moved one of her hands to her face. "Would you still follow a Gem like me? My spirit now flickers when it once flared, but these days, all I am is nothing but bark without a single bite."

"I don't particularly appreciate hearing you say this." Cinnabar said nervously.

"Why not?" Black Rutile asked.

"Because this isn't you!" Cinnabar answered while taking her master's hands in her own. "Whatever happened to the Black Rutile I looked up to who bravely fought in the Rebellion, dared to challenge the Crystal Gems' tyranny, and basically conquered the Earth by turning the humans against them! The Black Rutile we followed, that we loved. What happened to her?"

I don't know." Black Rutile responded grimly. "I think she's dead."

"Dead?" Cinnabar asked sympathetically. "Or just resting?" The two fell silent once again, neither of them knowing the right words to say next.

"Just recently, I finally saw fit to talk with the Lapidarist." Black Rutile said. "But instead of asking her to rejuvenate the entire Gem race, I asked her what my purpose was now that I've lost everything because of Steven."

"And what did she say?" Cinnabar asked.

"She said that my true destiny won't be realized until I am at peace with myself or something like that." Black Rutile revealed. "She then showed me a vision of a possible future where I fought with Steven to save the universe. As a Crystal Gem. As a hero. As his friend."

"You're kidding. His friend?" Cinnabar gasped in shock. "But this is only a possible future, right?"

"Perhaps if I play my cards right, this could be my future right now." Black Rutile added with a slight smile. "Do you think there's any chance for me to make amends with everybody? Not just the Crystal Gems, but the Diamonds and all the other Rutile Rebels as well?"

"Destiny works in mysterious ways, I guess." Cinnabar realized what Black Rutile was planning to do and accepted it with a smile. "Go, change yourself for the better. You've already won me over."

"Thank you, Cinnabar, for listening to me." Black Rutile said and then suddenly hugged her old apprentice. "This is what is necessary to be forgiven, right?"

"Well, at least you're learning." Cinnabar laughed awkwardly. "Now, can you please let me go?"

--

"Wait, you're saying the ultimate fusion could be what now?" White Diamond gasped as she, Yellow, Blue, Spinel, and the Pearls stood before Princess Naja and the Lapidarist in the latter's secret chamber.

"Indeed, I believe it must be our only option." The Lapidarist stated. "Unless Steven has any other options."

"Well, there is the fusion with his human girlfriend, and I've also discovered he can fuse with his father," Blue replied. "But I think he might also be able to fuse with the pink boy and the fry boys, too."

"Ooh, ooh, can he fuse with me?!" Spinel asked while fluttering a pair of large eyelashes.

"Don't get too excited, Spinel." Yellow bluntly replied, much to the jester's dismay. "Anyone else he can fuse with?"

"Last I checked, he can fuse with Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, or even all three at once." Blue Pearl replied. "I wonder how he'd fuse with some of the other Crystal Gems?"

As the Diamonds continued conversing, Black Rutile crept into the Lapidarist's chambers, hoping that she would take them all by surprise with her revelation. Still, there was just one factor she didn't consider. "I can see you, Black Rutile."

"No, you can't!" Black Rutile yelled as she tried to hide from the Lapidarist, no matter how omniscient Rebeuger was. "Okay, I give up! I just want to talk!"

"What is it this time, Black Rutile?" Yellow said with a roll of her eyes. "Here to bluster about the injustice wrought upon you again till the heat death of the universe."

"No, that's not it." Black Rutile said firmly. "I came here to apologize for what I've done to you."

"Could you please repeat that? I think I might need my hearing checked." Yellow Pearl snarked in surprise. "Surely this is another one of her lies, right?"

"No, I am simply baring my soul to you all." Black Rutile declared as she got on her knees and begged for forgiveness. "I ask of you, grand Diamonds, to accept my apology for all the horrible, selfish things I did to our people in the name of my delusional crusade for justice against those who have wronged me! My experiences here have finally humbled me and taught me that my actions have consequences!"

"Are you serious this time, Black Rutile?" Volleyball asked the repentant Rutile. "Are you not just lying to us again?"

"Why is everyone assuming that I'm lying?!" Black Rutile complained. "I'm being serious this time. I've been convinced that to be at peace with myself, I must make amends with everyone! Don't believe me? Ask the Lapidarist!"

"It's true." The Lapidarist proclaimed. "I told Black Rutile that she had a grand destiny, but it won't be realized until she is at peace. To calm such a troubled mind, she must reconnect with everyone she's hurt."

"Well, this is interesting," Naja said with an eyebrow arched. "What do you think, Diamonds?"

"Come to think of it, we are at fault for Black Rutile's descent," White said mournfully. "After allowing her to rise to such power because I thought it was funny, I didn't expect such a joke would go so far."

"So, we'll give you a shot, Black Rutile." Yellow added. "But make no mistake, if you really are lying, then we'll make sure to have your head on a wall."

"Oh, thank you, thank you, my Diamonds!" Black Rutile cheered as she crawled over to White Diamond's feet and began kissing them. "You are so kind!"

"Zip it." White bluntly responded.

--

Next on Black Rutile's itinerary was trying to reconnect with her ex-minions, who she found were already preparing for the coming final battle against Squamata and his heralds. Naturally, Pyrite's keen business acumen had helped the former Rutile Rebels acquire some weapons generously donated to them from the various competitors and Slytherophidians willing to lend a hand. All she needed to do now was to talk to them. Hopefully, Cinnabar would help them hear her out.

"Hey, everybody." Black Rutile greeted her former subordinates, only to be greeted with knives surrounding her in all directions. "Well, not my idea of a warm welcome, isn't it?"

"You know what you did, Black Rutile!" Dalmatian Jasper snarled angrily.

"Trying to sell us all out for power and using the Lapidarist to rejuvenate us!" Tanzanite added, just as furious.

"Making everything we did completely pointless since a godlike being can just do all the heavy lifting for us!" Amazonite proclaimed dramatically. "What was even the point of the Rutile Rebels to begin with in that regard?!"

"Okay, everyone, calm down. No need to antagonize her." Cinnabar stated, much to Black Rutile's relief. "Black Rutile here came to apologize to you all."

"Apologize?!" Eyeball shouted in alarm. "Surely you jest! Black Rutile has never regretted anything in her life!"

"Until now, that is." Black Rutile declared, which was met with gasping in surprise. "Yes, I know, I actually regret something for once. Let me explain."

"Someone pinch me; I must be dreaming." Cat's Eye muttered to herself while scratching her hair.

"This has to be a bad comedy." Pyrite added curiously.

"Earlier, Cinnabar and I talked with each other about my recent emotions and how I've grown to hate myself for what my constant failures have turned me into." Black Rutile explained. "Cinnabar tells me that we are all like Off-Colors in a way; we can't fit in with society, which causes us to feel like we're alone in the world. And I've realized that fits me in more ways than one."

"So does that mean you are, how do you say, repenting now?" Holly Blue asked. "I'm not sure I like this."

"Well, I'm not sure if I like you guys betraying me for the Crystal Gems either." Black Rutile responded curtly. "Nobody's perfect."

"Are you sure we can still trust you, my Rutile?" Andesine asked hopefully.

"I swear on my life." Black Rutile replied proudly. "Unless anyone threatens my life. In which case, you're out of luck."

"Eh, I'm fine with it if you are." Apatite said with a shrug.

"Not going to lie, I was getting kind of lonely without you yelling at us." Zoisite added.

"But make no mistake, just because you're showing remorse for how you've treated us doesn't mean we're just going to totally forgive you." Xenotime declared with a blade to her old boss's gem. "You'll have to work to earn our forgiveness. Otherwise, you will be executed for one wrong move."

"Calm down, Xeno, no need to be such a terminator and all that." Howlite tried calming Xenotime down by lowering her arm. "So, what do you plan on doing now, Black Rutile?"

"I bet she's gonna talk to the Crystal Gems next!" Kyanite proposed.

"Why yes, that is exactly what I was going to do." Black Rutile replied. "I'm already on shaky ground with them as is. I do not want to know how they'll react when they find out I'm telling the truth."

"Well, I wish you the best of luck." Bloodstone said with hope for her old master.

"Famous last words, as they always say." Amber added wryly before Black Rutile turned away and left.

"I never figured Black Rutile for an atoner." Emerald shook her head in surprise.

"Me neither," Morganite added, just as alarmed as the former pilot.

"But maybe this could be a fresh start for her." Pyrope suggested. "For all of us."

"It better." Demantoid responded sourly.

--

"Any updates, guys?" Lapis asked Laz and Zuli as the Crystal Gems gathered one last time before the inevitable final battle with Squamata.

"Those Universal Lords are really holding the line, but I'm not sure for how long." Laz declared.

"Only a matter of time before we're forced to fight." Zuli added.

"The combined powers of the Universal Lords are extraordinary, but it won't be long until they're forced to retreat." Squaridot added. "By the way, I can see Black Rutile approaching behind you." At that moment, the Crystal Gems turned around and stared menacingly at Black Rutile, fearing that she had nothing good to say.

"You have a lot of nerve coming back to us." Jasper frowned at Black Rutile.

"You have a lot of nerve being alive." Black Rutile responded just as harshly. "I suppose you're all going to act super suspicious about what I have planned, but I'm here to prove you wrong by saying I'm sorry." The Crystal Gems were dead silent in shock in response to this. "Hello, anyone? Bueller, Bueller, Bueller?" Nobody answered. "Stop ignoring me."

"I should've known this was coming." Garnet said coolly. "Please tell us you're sure you're not lying to us this time."

"No, I'm being serious, for crying out loud!" Black Rutile yelled. "I'm trying to repent for my sins here, so please hear me out!"

"A likely story, Black Rutile!" Bismuth threatened Black Rutile with her hammer dangerously close to the Rutile's gem. "It's gonna take more than just 'I'm sorry' to compensate for what you've done to us!"

"Yeah!" Peridot and Squaridot added.

"No, I've discovered that I'm more like you than I realized!" Black Rutile cried in desperation. "I'm just as much of an Off-Color as all of you because I never quite fit into the society you created, so I decided to take matters into my own hands!"

"I still don't believe this," Amethyst replied. "As Bismuth said, it's gonna take way more than a simple apology to make us completely forget what you've done."

"But that's literally what you've done to every foe you've encountered, even Emerald!" Black Rutile complained while angrily stomping her foot. "You, Steven, you and your friend can vouch for me, right?!"

"Okay, I'll only accept that you've changed on one condition." Connie stated while crossing her arms.

"What's that?" Black Rutile asked.

"Say my name," Connie suggested. "Can you say it?"

"Of course I can!" Black Rutile chuckled before she immediately lost track. "You're, uh, Connie Steven's-Annoying-Human-Friend!"

"You don't even know my name." Connie groaned in disgust.

"I certainly do!" Black Rutile claimed. "It's Meeska-Mooska-Mickey Mouse-svetlana!"

"Sometimes, it feels like you're not even trying to bother." Connie grimaced. "It's Maheswaran, Connie Maheswaran. Can you say it?"

"Connie Maheswaran." Black Rutile repeated.

"Now say, "I'm sorry that I've tried to kill you and your friends and destroy the planet all the time, Connie Maheswaran." Connie asked Black Rutile.

"I'm sorry that I've tried to kill you and your friends and destroy the planet all the time, Connie Maheswaran." Black Rutile said reluctantly. "There, are you happy now for once in your pathetic, unbelievably short, organic life?"

"Hey, everybody, calm down!" Steven shouted as he got between Black Rutile and Connie. "How about I talk things out with Black Rutile, and maybe we can reach an understanding? White Topaz, you can join too."

"Sure!" White Topaz exclaimed brightly. "Be back soon, guys!"

"I got a bad feeling about this." Jasper frowned as she watched her girlfriend leave with Steven and Black Rutile.

--

Outside the castle, Steven, Black Rutile, and White Topaz all sat together at the front steps as they watched the sunset on a doomed Serpentes, where Squamata continued wreaking havoc while his heralds laughed maniacally. "So, what inspired this, Black Rutile?" Steven asked his archnemesis. "What made you now want to change your ways after all you've done to me?"

"You think maybe she's finally understanding where you come from?" White Topaz wondered before Black Rutile calmed her down.

"Don't get too excited, Topaz," Black Rutile said. "I'm not necessarily changing my ways; I'm just finally realizing how toxic my worldview has been to both myself and others, and I've been apologizing to everyone I hurt, hoping that we can all move on together. I finally accepted that I'm just as flawed as any other living creature, human, Gem, or otherwise alike."

"Yeah, I can see where you're coming from." Steven replied. "My dad once told me that if every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs. In this case, you need to stop thinking of yourself as a porkchop by building this entire cult on the image of how perfect you think you are and blend in with all the other hot dogs in the universe, like me."

"I have no idea what your human food has to do with this, but you are indeed correct." Black Rutile said. "I said to Cinnabar that the only way I thought I could restore my reputation was to simply just erase everyone's memories of my actions through using the Lapidarist to rejuvenate all Gemkind, but after being abandoned by my minions and Nosiop's betrayal, I've realized that my glory days are long gone, so all that's left for me is just to accept the here and now and hopefully put my life back together." She then dropped to her knees with tears in her eyes. "Please, Steven, I know I'm asking for a little much, but would you please accept me as your friend?"

Steven was quiet for a moment as if trying to process Black Rutile's response, so the best he could do was give her a pat on the back that Black Rutile quickly turned into a hug.

"Whoo, group hug!" White Topaz cheered as she wrapped her arms around Steven and Black Rutile and picked them up in a big bear hug. However, their embrace would soon receive an unexpected visitor.

"Oh, what a touching scene." Nosiop hissed evilly as he towered over the three Gems. "Too bad I'll have to end it all once I assassinate Steven."

"Not on our watch!" Black Rutile exclaimed fiercely. "If you want to kill Steven, you'll have to go through me first, you scaly devil!" She then reached for White Topaz's hand. "Topaz, fuse with me!"

"Whoa, already?" White Topaz replied before she realized what Black Rutile had planned. "Wait, you don't mean-"

"No time!" Black Rutile yelled before the two did an impromptu tango dance, causing them to fuse into Lepidolite.

"HAHAHAHA, HEEEEERE'S LEPPY!" Lepidolite cackled as she embraced her grand return and pulled out her clawed gloves to use against Nosiop.

"A fusion, you say?" Nosiop chuckled. "This should be easy." Using the powers blessed upon him by Squamata, Nosiop made quick work of Lepidolite in their grand battle, but Lepidolite thought quickly and used her might to keep the evil prince at bay while making sure Steven was unharmed.

"Wait, let me help!" Steven yelled at Lepidolite.

"No, get out of here at once!" Lepidolite commanded. "This could be my last battle, and I intend to make it count!" With one last battle cry, Lepidolite charged at Nosiop and prepared to land the finishing blow, but Nosiop quickly dodged the attack and stabbed Lepidolite in the face, causing her form to destabilize.

"BLACK RUTILE, NO!" Steven cried in shock.

"This is goodbye to you all." Lepidolite monologued to herself in her final moments of consciousness. "To my Rutile Rebels, to my fellow Gems. And yes, even you, Steven Universe."

In a brilliant explosion of black and white smoke, a mighty fusion was eliminated, and her components were reduced to their gems lying at Steven's feet. Once known as menaces to the entire Gem race, they made the ultimate sacrifice to defend the boy they called their greatest foe. They were Black Rutile and White Topaz, partners in crime turned Crystal Gems at heart.

"In their last moments, people show you who they really are," Nosiop said with a smirk before slithering away in disgust. However, he felt a strange presence behind him as he turned around to discover that Steven was turning pink with rage at the prince's lack of empathy. "What?!"

"Okay, Inner Steven, don't fail me now," Steven muttered as he charged at Nosiop and threw a punch of pure serene fury. To Nosiop's surprise, Steven's current state meant that he was outmatched in every way imaginable. "I'm going to break you and throw you to the wind!"

"I need to get out of here!" Nosiop cried like a coward before flying away, knowing how outmatched he was. As Steven de-transformed and let out a sigh of relief, he heard Black Rutile and White Topaz's gems shimmering behind him, signifying they were about to gain new forms once they were reformed.

Once the pair's physical bodies were restored, White Topaz discovered that her white diamond symbol was replaced with a Crystal Gem star. Similarly, Black Rutile found that she had a star as well, where her white diamond symbol once was.

"You're back!" Steven laughed in delight as he raced up to hug them both. "And look, you're Crystal Gems now too!"

"Took me long enough to get one of these." White Topaz chuckled with pride while Black Rutile frantically tried to pull her star off.

"Get it off me, get it off me, get it off me!" Black Rutile yelled in terror before Steven put a comforting hand on her arm, telling her that things would be okay once she got used to things. "Uh, is there a way I can move this somewhere else?"

"Not that I know of," Steven replied just as he heard the Diamonds and the Crystal Gems step outside. "Hey guys, check it out! Black Rutile and White Topaz are Crystal Gems!"

"Babe!" Jasper yelled in delight before tackling White Topaz to the ground and kissing her. "I knew you'd get one someday!"

"Yeah, me too, honey!" White Topaz laughed.

"Okay, this is definitely going to need some getting used to." Pearl muttered. "Steven, as much as we'd like you to explain what happened, that will have to wait because White has something to say." She then turned to the Diamond and gave her a nod.

"Thank you, Pearl, for that marvelous introduction." White Diamond declared before turning to Steven. "Steven, we must fuse with you to stand a chance against Squamata." Steven then gasped in response. As much as he was happy to see that Black Rutile was starting on the path of forgiveness, there were still some things he needed to forgive as well.

--

Yep, White Diamond just went there! But with Black Rutile finally starting to redeem herself, fate could have other plans in store, and I don't think I have enough time to get everything I want in these final chapters as well. Go ahead, talk about how rushed Black Rutile's story here is and how she got off a little too easy, I'm on a tight schedule here! But now that I finally finished this really long-ass chapter, it's time we prepare for the coming conclusion of Snake Eyes and the end of Steven and Black Rutile's story. Happy Halloween everybody, and take care.

[pynkhues]

Were you a Sex in the City fan? I do feel like a show for the girls that are in the early to mid late 20s trying to figure it out. Is kind of missing in the market currently. Anyways if you’ve seen it there was a reboot with a whole new cast. What would your fan cast look like?

I actually watched Sex and the City in its entirety for the first time during the lockdowns, anon! While there are definitely parts of it that have aged badly and is very deserving of criticism, there's a lot that's aged surprisingly well too, and even as a first time viewer, I could see why it was the pop culture juggernaut it was. I really enjoyed watching it! Although maybe not enough to watch And Just Like That, haha (after all, what is Sex and the City without all four women?)

It really does feel like there's a bit of a gap these days in TV when it comes to mid-late 20s/early 30s women figuring life out. I feel like the closest we've had for a while was Broad City and The Bold Type, but even those have both been finished for a while, and are decidedly their own animals in focus, tone and style. While I liked it a lot too, I'd also say that The Bold Type never fully knew where it wanted to sit in terms of audience which really shaped a lot of the components of the story.

But yes! A Sex and the City reboot! I love it when you guys ask me to fancast stuff, haha.

Okay, let's start with Carrie:

I hadn't seen Ashley Park in anything until a few months ago, and have since had the triple hit of seeing her in Joy Ride, Beef and now the new season of Only Murders in the Building, and I just think she's so great. She's so, so charming and funny and I think really nails that complicated mix of high strung but also kind of loose and flirty that Sarah Jessica Parker nailed in Sex and the City. I think she could bring so much to Carrie and add after Joy Ride in particular, I'd love to see her lead something again.

Miranda's kind of a tricky one in some ways - you need someone who can find that middle ground between snark and genuine vulnerability, and I think that's really an area Ritu shines in between The Umbrella Academy and Polite Society. Plus she's delightfully watchable, and I think a role like Miranda could really stretch her skills (especially because I don't think Polite Society let her actually do all that much).

Fun fact: Charlotte's lowkey my fave from Sex and the City. I know a lot of people find her annoying, but I actually think she had one of the most fulfilling arcs on the show (I'm a bit of a sucker for characters who get what they want only to realise it's not what they need), and she also reminds me of a close childhood friend who I don't see as often as I want because we live on opposite ends of the country, haha. I looooved Charithra in Bridgerton, and I think she plays naivety without ignorance, and that sweetness without being saccharine really well. Plus I think she could be a really good balancer between Ashley and Ritu.

Okay okay okay, hear me out: Samantha is supposed to be older than the other girls, and one of the things I think is so ingenious about the original casting of Samantha is how they cast an actress who was basically a jobbing actress who'd worked across TV and genre movies for decades but became famous / a sex symbol for a few roles across raunch comedies. While Jessica doesn't quite have a Porky's on her resume, she comes from a similar background of tv, low budget horror, and a few meatier roles that show she can really act, and I've always had a soft spot for her, and tbh, I think she'd kill it.

The guys aren't as fun, haha, but mmm, I kind of like the thought of John Cho for Mr Big? An older guy with the right amount of suave that you can believe Ashley Park would be on the hook for, and maybe someone like Anthony Ramos for Aidan? I'm less sure about them, haha.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s4e18 the monster at the end of this book (teleplay julie siege, story julie siege, nancy weiner)

ack, it's samantha! in a 30 second cameo.

the x-files s2e17 end game - megan leitch as samantha mulder

aforementioned keegan connor tracy who was on the show before that i know from the magicians.

i have an aversion to their ~quirky~ music because usually it's a type of humor that makes me grind my teeth but once we got past the whole talking about dirty incest fans and the thing with the book publisher, it's been surprisingly ok. glad they mostly transitioned to digs aimed at the show itself. but every time that music starts playing, i brace for the worst. i also just don't love the composed music for the show, i think it does it a disservice. i probably have complained about that before.

like okay dean needs to get chuck to participate in the archangel spooking lilith plan and it's all been very serious up until this point, but then the music goes to the cheesy rousing inspirational business which makes it feel very much like it's a joke. and it does go a little funny, but i think the music was too much. bleh. anyway.

i feel like i've seen him in a bunch of things but scrolling through i'll say evil is probably the only thing i've seen him in recent memory. should have gotten a cap from the previous episode with the bright lighting.

evil s1e5 october 31 - kurt fuller as dr kurt boggs

the tone on this episode was all over the place! my friend is eagerly, patiently, waiting for me to have an opinion on castiel and i'm eagerly awaiting having one. i feel like there was a bit more something happening with him and dean in this episode, giving him the tip about chuck. otherwise he just hasn't been around enough for me to have any thoughts, and he's pretty dry when he is. dry like his lips! get the dude a manual on how to care for your human suit. with some lip balm.

also, the winchester gospel. the guffaw i made, okay spn writers. i liked chuck, and didn't expect to. maybe it was another case of them making the writer(s) sympathetic. but i'm glad they didn't try to ham it up too much. i get that the concept of introducing the books would be hard to do in any serious manner, but i could have gone without the fannish specific bits personally.

also ALSO using the previous episode to kind of quickly temper the truly horrific over the top terrible events in the Torture Episode and then this one kind of easing more into the main arc and being serious but not too serious, well. was zachariah doing his little demo to dean that he'll always be a hunter deep down all we needed to address with that episode? other than sam bitching dean isn't himself and is too weak since he got back from hell.

"You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out."

i mean as far as i can tell, nothing really changed with dean. does starting the apocalypse-guilt cancel out embracing/enjoying torture again that you're also probably extra guilty about too?

there's not enough time in the day to deal with it anyhow and we've got plot to plow through. the apocalypse isn't gonna start itself!

i was trying to talk it through with someone and my feeling was like. earlier seasons, the traumas were smaller. sam and dean talked a lot. more than most shows do. it feel like things maybe didn't get resolved per se, but there was something going on there. they were looking at it, at least. and some things did get wholly dropped (like the mystery spot aftermath hello, bitter) but more often than not, it felt like they dealt with things. but the traumas get bigger and coming so fast, you can't keep up, there's not enough time. everything is always escalating. and i think it's exacerbated by the plot that sam and dean aren't really on the same page anymore. and maybe cas is supposed to fill that spot with dean, but it's a hard sell for me when we don't really know cas and at this point he has no personality to speak of.

i'm just feeling pretty grumpy about everything at the moment.

[deathsbestgirl]

Saw your tags-- agree w/ your thoughts! :DDD

I put my fleshed out ideas... somewhere? in an additional post; but I meant (and didn't say very eloquently) was that Mulder's trauma is psychological while Scully's was physical. We see him on more mental collapses over the series than Scully, whereas her arc revolves around her bodily autonomy being violated. Both are tragic; but Scully was given something back for everything CC took away from her (abduction = coma to have a goodbye from her dead father/peace, Melissa died = led her to Emily to give Scully autonomy over her daughter's peace, infertility = IVF = failure = confronting her own scientific reluctance in Amor Fati arc = alien ship healing = journey's end in all things = miracle pregnancy, etc.) Whereas Mulder's tragedies has no good thing to come from them EXCEPT closure for Samantha (his mom's suicide will always weigh on him, and his dad's "hi son" in Anasazi was butchered by Mulder learning about his Nazi dealings in Paper Clip, etc.)

Scully is able to seek help, stability, and normality regardless of her sufferings (even going to therapy when her mental health in untenable); Mulder, however, collapses far too easily without his dilapidated quest (until The Unnatural-Closure.) His trauma is psychological: being too late or too frozen or too incompetent to help others (Max in Fallen Angel, Samantha pre-show, his parents' deaths, Scully's abduction, her cancer and chip control, missing his son's birth, etc.) And his torture in S8 was never addressed, he was competently replaced by Doggett (who had a great solve rate), Scully would have been a good parent without him, Skinner/TLG advocate for his replacement (silently), etc. He had to suffer another loss-- his job, his files, to get a modicum of peace... and even that was robbed by his fear of his child's paternity. And he missed his son's birth (while Scully suffered another physical trauma with Reyes, so both had an awful time of it.)

Their tragedies are incomparable; but Mulder isn't hit hardest by physical violence while Scully is, hence her abduction/infertility being a pillar of trauma for her. For Mulder, it's psychological failure that haunts him the most.

Went on a long-winded spiel there, but I tried to consolidate it all down! :DDDDDD

thank you for this message !! so i tried to start it last night, but honestly was too tired to continue trying lol my issue isn't that i disagree with you at all, but the whole discussion ended up bringing out my anger toward the show 🤣

so i'm finding it hard to talk about their characters in the context of the show when i'm mad about the writing choices.

because. in oubilette (i love this episode), they give a minor the space to have such intense emotions after she'd been kidnapped, raped & abused. and it's SO frustrating that they make scully just bury it. i guess we can assume that because we see her go to therapy, she may go more than we see. and i think you're right to credit her more stable family background for how she's able to heal. but i just don't think being abducted for three months & having no memory and later learning you were medically raped when she was terrified to do any kind of therapy that could help her remember.

so i just don't think she ever dealt with it well, she internalized and tried to bury it and just move forward. or rather, she dealt with it by working on the x files with mulder. cuz maybe she'd eventually get some answers when she was more ready. and she'd already dedicated herself to him.

which i think is another part of the "problem" for me. because they did this with scully, and the way the show is continually about mulder's trauma, i think it just pisses me off. and like. i just can't be sure these were decisions the writers made intentionally, to be part of her character (which when i rationalize it, scully doesn't want to be weak in front of mulder, become another reason for him to feel guilty, another reason for his quest. she's strong & rational and he needs her to be okay. she wants his trust & his pride, to feel worthy. not necessarily because of anything mulder says/does but because of her own psychology & issues...) or if they were lazy & GA worked with what she had as they focused her on mulder.

ANYWAY. all this to say both of their traumas are so so bad. his lead to so much pain, abuse, estrangement and his beautiful beautiful empathy. i think i just care more about scully's because we actually ~see much more of mulder's. half the cases are about his trauma. the whole show is about his trauma. and scully's, i have a harder time talking about because medical rape is too real & scary. losing children is heart wrenching & tragic. the assaults she suffered from obsessive, crazy men are a very present fear for women. we lose people to cancer all the time and it's worse than i could ever put into words (which that aspect of cancer is more about mulder) and i just don't think a lot of that can get better exactly? it's things that stay with you even if you had a loving, stable family, even if you've "worked through it" & "healed" & manage to move forward. there isn't really a choice when a child involved. and there isn't really a choice when you're the one left behind. (not good choices anyway)

(and gods it's so frustrating the way they suck at communicating directly. they really do know each other so well that they can understand so much with looks & touches because they've learned how the other's mind works, though, clearly only to a degree because neither of them can truly fathom how the other struggles when they're abducted & there's nothing they can do except waiting & looking & praying & just doing what they have to as life keeps going because that's how the world works. BUT COMMUNICATING MATTERS. they can't rely on the other just ~getting it, because clearly they can't always get it lol)

(and oh god there's something here about the way mulder is so self sacrificial that any bodily harm that comes to him doesn't matter. and there's also something about the loss of autonomy scully faces repeatedly...)

[satelitis]

SINCE I FINISHED COBRA KAI IM RANKING ALL THE CHARACTERS!!

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Miguel Diaz — ♾️/10 i love him so much he is actually my boyfriend!!! <333 HE IS SO <3333 I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Johnny Lawrence— 9/10 he carried the show tbh, truely iconic

Daniel Larusso — 4/10 he was not it in this show, very judgy and annoying tbh…

Samantha LaRusso — 4.5/10 I had mixed feelings though the whole show…her and miguel were cute but she was not my favorite like Miguel just wanted prom to be about them but she just HAD to make it about her and Tory… also the fact she was the only girl on miyagi do and lowkey made it her whole personality was not it…

Eli “Hawk” Moskowitz — 7.5/10 I actually enjoyed his character and loved how he didn’t let kyler and the others get to him and found himself. DIDNT LIKE HOW HE WAS A BULLY TO DEMITRI AT ALL but then he had a redemption arc and actually came back and was a good person again and i respect him so much for it (also he was really funny ngl)

Robby Keene— 6.5/10 I loved Robbys character development throughout the show and how he grew with himself and learned to forgive Johnny throughout the series. HOWEVER there we quite a few moments that i was like DAMN how could he do that, like shaving off Hawks mohawk and legit screwing everything up for him and pushing the literal loml off a balcony when he was giving you mercy and didn’t want to fight anymore 😐 so there’s that. Nonetheless Robby still gets a 6.5

Tory Nichols — 9/10 i loved her way more than sam tbh. like she had way more character development and a reason behind her actions. payton list did a wonderful job with tory, and i feel like she will have such a big impact in season 6. i honestly loved her so much and can’t wait to see more of her

Kenny— 6/10 okay kenny i get you were bullied and shit and good for you for standing up to your bullies but he really thought he was all that and frankly he was quite annoying in my opinion.

Kyler , Terry , Kim — -27277228282828/10 I hate them i hate them i hate them i hate them no explanation needed.

John Kreese— 3.5/10 you see i have major on the fence syndrome with him cause i see what he was doing and he kinda had a redemption arc ig ig ig but like he was a bitch in the movies and like like like idk terry is WAY WORSE THAN HIM like IDK HOW TO FEEL ABT KREASE LIKE HE CARED ABOUT JOHNNY AND STUFF ANF WE FOUFNBTHAT OUT W/ THE FLASHBACKS HELP I FEEL IMA GET ATTACKED FOR RHIS 😭😭

Demitri — 8/10 he was very annoying at first and judgy but then he joined karate and found his confidence and then became a bad bitch so i personally love like s 3/4/5 demitri

Anthony Larusso — same with anthony he was a little annoying brat in the first 4 seasons and then hr pulled through in season 5 soooo 4/10 bc he can’t make up for it that much ykwim?

Moon— Marry me moon ilysm you’re the sweetest <33 9.5/10

Aisha — 10/10 she was a bad bitch i loved her so much she legit broke some kids nose and her , hawk and miguel are my fav friend group trio ever. she gave yas a front wedgie like she DESERVED enough said i love aisha <3

Rose— Yaya I love her so much she is such a funny character 10/10 i loved her so much she cared for Miguel so so much <33

Carmen — 11/10 she is so so so so amazing and a wonderful mom and i’m so happy for her and and Johnny !! she also cared for Miguel and is such a wonderful mother <33

Stingray — legit comic relief , legit annoying ass bitch 5/10 no words needed

Shannon Keene — 2/10 she abandoned robby BUT she is trying to better herself and take care of herself and try and be a good mother figure for robby

Yasmine — 1/10 is she dating Demitri , yes , was she a fat shaming bully who legit was a horrible friend also yes.

Amanda LaRusso — she isn’t Kumiko , but she was funny and is like one of the only characters with common sense 7.5/10.

Devon Lee— idk i don’t really have a big opinion on her?? so i’m just gonna give her a 6/10 cause she joined the Eagle Fang and kicked ass buttt she also kinda gave me off vibes when she was in Cobra Kai.

Chosen — Absolute bad bitch 9/10 , we stan chosen in this household. he dragged Terry and we’re here for it!!! I loved his character so much and boy can he dance.

@mictodii @juneberrie

[fiyr-cap]

Jotting down initial thoughts on Priory of the Orange Tree

This is probably not going to be coherent at all but I just finished reading it last night and need to write down a bunch of thoughts™ because it was really really good. (*also spoilers if you care)

I think two things strike me the most about this book: one is the detailed worldbuilding. Like, this world is absolutely teeming with different cultures with different customs and there’s so many little details that go into each one. The way the different religions are built is a huge part of the plot, yes, but the way each country’s religion, geography, culture, and political structure are woven together is really nice. You really get immersed

The second main thing that struck me were the characters. The main four narrators are each unique and distinct from one another and yet their stories often paralleled one another at the same beats within the story. More than just that though, I think the thing that I really noticed is the strong and complex character motivations? As someone who wants to write fantasy like this and has a ton of characters also, I was impressed with the way that Samantha Shannon was able to create a huge cast of characters and give almost every important character at least one if not multiple compelling and at times conflicting motivations. 

Example: the conflict between Tane and Roos was really well done. The way we flip back and forth between them and understand where they’re both coming from, what kind of people they are, and their totally different life perspectives and values. It made the moment when Roos tries to blackmail Tane not only very believable but very tense, because while obviously we’re all mostly inclined to side with Tane, the scene is written from Roos’ perspective and we can 100% see how he got there and understand why he’s doing it. 

Roos’ motives were, I think, important to understand because you get to the point where he’s been captured by pirates and this man is still immediately like: can I have a piece of the dragon downstairs? which like, blew me away. I was like sir are you still stuck on that. But it makes sense! I kept hoping he was going to help Nayimathun break out but alas ):

Another example is Loth and Ead’s differing perspectives. I think it can be really difficult to handle two very sympathetic characters and still make them approach conflict in two totally different ways. While they never have a real “conflict” per say, the two of them are written so that their ways of thinking feel totally different from one another but you can still find their friendship believable. 

Anyway, on a different note, it was just really good. Tension and character arcs. Man I cried when I thought Roos died after he got his hand cut off. That man has the tenacity of a cockroach though. I was so invested in his redemption. I was rooting for him to come around, shouting “I believe in the good in you!!” every chapter lol

[m0tel6mxzzy]

tw ed/sh mention: sam levinson does a shitty job at writing (some) mental illnesses (tldr - barbie was right)

ngl sam levinson shouldn’t be allowed to write any mental illness besides addiction or depression which i feel he handled well until he gets a writers room. i’m not bipolar like rue so i cannot determine the “accuracy” of her mania, but i do have mdd and i felt the depiction of depression was very relatable to me. i wouldn’t say realistic, becuase a show with neon lights and spinning camera shots in every room is never meant to be hyperrealistic.

however—barbie made the right move disagreeing on sam’s insistence w the bed storyline for kat. (we need to consider not every skinny person has a restrictive ed, and not every fat person has bed. literally it can be vice versa but sam was going to feed into that stereotype, which barbie rightfully called out.) he already has every skinny character have some form of disordered eating which is never properly addressed (rue as a result of her addiction, and maddy/cassie/nate from being in athletics where they’re often pressured or compelled to be a certain size.) cassie was gonna let nate control her entire diet bc he did the same to maddy, and also this very troubling issue when cassie already has so many other ed risk factors is also,,,never addressed besides anything other than shock value???? how deeply low her mental state has to be to desire that???? told but not shown, and thus never actually addressed in a way where she can process it.

or the fact that maddy probably has trauma related to food bc of nate controlling her diet too???? but yeah let’s just focus on how “crazy” interesting cassie is for trying to imitate maddy.

(cassie also lacks self awareness on how nate racially profiles maddy and that being called “crazy” for not taking someone’s shit is not a compliment, which as a woc i find makes her so so so unlikeable in that regard.)

i feel in s2, maddy didn’t really have much of an arc either. we get “maddy gets a job and wants to leave east highland, she’s also mad at cassie” but she is also recovering from nate. but we aren’t actually seeing it very much outside of her crying to him on her bday because the story is so centered on the rue/elliot/jules and cassie/nate/maddy and maddy/kat bubbles, and maddy and kat are very small components in both of those compared to everyone else arc wise. and maddy and jules having that friend moment at the bowling alley.

i don’t even think it needs to be graphic if ever addressed. maddy could’ve brought her food trauma up w samantha and samantha suggest she seek help or something. not like, only finding it out bc of the implication maddy went thru the same thing only bc cassie knew nate was also controlling her diet, which maddy might’ve made offhand comments about. (and as an anon told me earlier, which i 100% agree-the show should’ve been set in college. many colleges have free mental health resources which would’ve been great for maddy to seek out! a lot of the characters problems lie in the fact that they have mental issues but the help is too expensive. also, many IP treatments geared toward specific mental illnesses might not carry ur insurance. gotta love the us healthcare system!)

hell, it could’ve been maddy or cassie or rue or even nate w the bed storyline. nate’s not an interesting character at this point-all he does is abuse maddy/cassie/jules and get away with it. he’s only there to be a conflict and have it justified bc of his trauma. any storyline showing him struggling will just be used to have the other women in the show pretend to be his mother when he needs therapy and cannot be redeemed at this point. and the show is starting to justify it because he’s never given consequences for his actions and the girls carry his burden and have to prance around his sensitivities when he’d never do the same for them.

although i’d give it to elliot bc men w ed’s are seldom addressed and drug addiction is a risk factor for developing an ed. and he’s already been given the consequences of fucking w rue and jules by his relationships w them being…torn to shambles basically. really elliot AND nate need storylines outside of the women in their lives for both theirs and the sake of every other girl on the show. and it doesn’t even need to be his entire storyline! just a significant one that’s fleshed out and addressed.

and i feel if kat went thru w such a storyline like the one sam wanted, it would contradict her development in s1 so far. (and he’s no stranger to contradicting character dev—he had a confirmed lesbian who point blank period said she’s not into men kiss a man who’s done nothing but berate her for questioning her gender identity and does not at all respect her or her gf.)

obviously kat won’t be confident 24/7, she’s human, but she loves herself enough to not get back into previous bad habits that only make her feel worse.

and then we have jules, who deals w sh. mind you, this has been indicated since s1 from the first episode, and has yet to be properly addressed outside rue and elliot like,,, touching her scars and “loving” her regardless of them. as someone in sh recovery it’s just very odd to me bc no amount of love could convince me to stop. i had to convince myself to stop. it does not work like that.

sh addiction is so complex that when u try to stay clean, you can get mild withdrawal symptoms. her scars imho are used in the end of s2ep4 as this “device” for her to be vulnerable w elliot and personally i find it really gross. any sort of internal battle she’s having is never addressed, it’s purely there for shock value. i’d go as far as to say jules’ sh is glamorized in euphoria.

tl;dr: barbie was right. rip kat sorry u were underwritten and thx for sticking to ur guns