#I just watched Closure and I’m having Thoughts and Feelings

[sflow-er]

I heard people are mad because they feel like August should be apologizing to Simon also, and I think that’s like, a no-brainer because of course he will – – he’s changed now. He’s not the same person who did that thing so – – we saw him suffer and now he apologized to Wille whom he knows and then – – I’m sure when [August and Simon] meet, he’s going to talk to [Simon] about it too. Linnéa Roxeheim, director of S3 eps 5& 6, PRP interview 59:00-59:22 (– – used for legibility, the redacted phrase is 'you know')

So...this kind of seems to confirm something I've been thinking since I watched the season: the lack of apology from August to Simon feels less like an intentional, character-defining writing choice and more like a mishap overlooking or even retconning the August-Simon conflict.

Some thoughts under the cut.

That conflict was one of the central building blocks and driving forces back in S1. Simon wouldn't have ended up selling drugs if it wasn't for August looking to buy, Wille wouldn't have found out about August's finances and been able to use them against him, and Alexander would not have been framed to save Simon. And for that matter, August's eagerness to pin the blame on Simon was likely fuelled by the fact that he wasn't just a sosse sleeping with Wille, but also a constant thorn in August's side. Someone who had even physically roughed August up at one point.

Still, I do believe August's decision to post the video mainly concerned Wille. I've written about that too many times to rehash it again; let's just take his dismissive reaction when Sara says Simon is distraught in S1E6 at face value. And that made perfect sense for his character, considering his only moral code at the time was (elite) loyalty.

However. From S2 on, the history between August and Simon has been sidelined, and the focus has been on the conflict between August and Wille.

We didn't see Simon suffer any more daily consequences from the video in S2. He could already sing karaoke in Bjärstad without people giving him dirty looks, and both the rumour mill at Hillerska and the hate comments online had stopped. Not being allowed to sing his song at the Jubilee was a concrete consequence, but even that felt more like an obstacle for Wilmon and an opportunity for Wille to stand up for them. Simon and August barely even interacted over the season - but at least Simon did refer to Sara knowing everything August had done to him in the gun range scene, so that was something.

I had hoped for the August-Simon conflict to be picked up again in S3. Even if the writers wanted to focus on other relationships and tensions, to me, it felt too essential to pass up. It would have been a clear sign of August learning the accountability and empathy that he needed to grow, and it would have also provided some much-needed closure for Simon (and tied the series together as a whole). I guess the writers felt differently.

Even though the focus on Simon getting hate on social media again could have provided an easy tie-in, the vile hate messages focused on his and Wille's relationship, as well as him being a POC. Apart from Linda's comment in the settlement negotiation, I don't think the video was even mentioned once in all the hate comments we saw. There was no indication of the media or the public having dragged it back up either (or asked who filmed and leaked it, but that's another matter entirely). Nor were there any references to Simon having already received some hate after the leak - on the contrary, it seemed like he was completely blindsided by all the vitriol. I do realise that the scale was much bigger this time around, but still.

Circling back to the August-Simon conflict, there's also another aspect that is easily overlooked. Namely, that Simon himself actually seemed pretty content to just put all his dealings with August to rest after the settlement was finalised. The only time the two of them even interacted after that was all about Sara. It could have also been an opportunity to show Simon's own feelings, but that didn't materialise.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Simon could still use that apology, but I never got the impression that he needed it the way we fans needed to see it. Based on S3, you might even think their only source of conflict was Simon coincidentally being on the video, and when that was settled, Simon was okay just moving on with his life.

Which brings me back to the ending.

I always figured that August was portrayed as genuinely remorseful towards the end. Yes, I would have liked to see more of his growth and development (even just showing his reaction to the sale of Årnäs instead of having Simon say that Wille said it was a fitting punishment would've worked wonders)... But the authorial intent seemed to be that he had already taken enough steps. His and Wille's reconciliation was as sincere as anything could get, with Wille not forgiving him as such but agreeing to move on, start healing, and even wish each other well. Wille was sincere when he congratulated August upon graduation and tapped him as the next king, thinking he was well suited for the job (it's the narrative that frames it as a sort of punishment, not Wille).

Crucially, Simon doesn't seem bothered by this. If both Wille and August had truly just ignored the harm caused to Simon and reconciled amongst themselves, with Wille essentially giving August the position that everyone but August still thought was all August ever wanted...while Simon was still hurting and needing the closure of an apology...well. That would actually make Wille look like kind of a terrible partner even right at the end, which clearly wasn't the intention.

We can't be sure if Wille told Simon about the reconciliation when they talked at the lake, but Simon will still know that Wille stepping down means August stepping up, and he is happy about it. Wilmon are off to start a new chapter in their lives, and we don't get the feeling that the lack of an apology to Simon is left as an unresolved issue between them (or between them and August).

So...yeah. I guess I'm just trying to point out that this seems to be another example of a previously important plot line being dropped from S3, and to a lesser degree, also another example of execution vs. authorial intent.

[pookie-mulder]

The X-Files mythology is like:

The plot thickens.

It thickens again.

Even thicker.

Now the plot is so thick, it’s a solid piece of matter, yet it still somehow gets even thicker.

Pretty soon it thickens so much that it becomes denser than a neutron star, then collapses under the weight of its own thickness and becomes a black hole, pulling the show’s viewers into it and never letting them escape.

Yet somehow it’s still full of holes?

[rootbeerworshiper]

means something

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

summery: your best friend stopped talking to you suddenly but you need one last chance at closure

warnings: angst lol

a/n: short and sweet (and sad) but i had fun writing it. alsoooo it’s based on the song but you don’t need the song playing in the background bc the pacing is different

love, sienna <3

you let out a defeated sigh as you focus your attention on a blank sheet of paper. it was supposed to be easy now, easier to let out your thoughts and begin to reconstruct your views on the situations that bring you sadness. at least that’s what your therapist advised you.

but instead you have nothing but small doodles of hearts on the top of the paper, serving as nothing but a sad reminder of your own life and how it lacks the love you always read about.

‘hopeless romantic’ used to feel like the wrong word, because there was a point where you had hope for a story like you see in the movies. a classic romantic comedy plot line was one you had always yearned for.

it’s silly how badly you’ve wanted it. you know you’re a complete person without it, you have strengths and aspirations and you cannot base your worth onto stupid boys.

but he wasn’t stupid. not in the slightest, regardless of what others said about him.

he was thoughtful and caring in ways no one else has been to you. never in your life have you seen someone so in touch with their own emotions at that level.

that’s because he’s special. to you and to so many other people.

April 17th, 2022

dear Matt,

i’m not entirely sure how to do this whole thing but it’s a step in healing that i’m more than inclined to take. part of me just really wants to get better so i have to do something to help me.

it might seem really random that i’m mailing you a letter, and trust me i understand how odd it is. but for once i needed you to hear me, and i can’t really send this message to a blocked number.

i can’t see anything in life without thinking of you. i saw a street sign the other day and i had to squint because, for a moment i thought i saw your last name plastered on the plastic. and i thought that it meant something. like the universe was trying to tell me something.

how pathetic is that? you know i can’t even have most of my favourite snacks anymore because they were our favourite snacks. the new foods you introduced me to when i forced you to watch ‘to all the boys i’ve loved before’ with me in middle school are practically forbidden from my apartment.

“this is the dumbest movie concept ever” Matt speaks, an annoyed undertone to his voice as he looks to me.

“you haven’t even watched it yet how can it be dumb? you know you might end up enjoying it if you watch it with an open mind” i reply, snuggling into his arm as my body rests on the soft couch cushion.

it definitely doesn’t take long for him to become invested.

“wait someone sent the letters?”

“why is she kissing him? doesn’t she like margo’s boyfriend?”

“damn they’re really just making out in a public hot tub”

the movie comes to a close, a cute song playing as the credits roll. “so, what did you think?”

“i think that i really like root beer and i really need the second movie now” he exclaims, sipping his bubbly liquid before looking down at me with the same blue eyes that can easily make me dizzy.

“i thought you’d come around Matt”

now i’m just a girl getting sad over a canned soda and a familiar brand of chips because it reminds me of all the good that once was.

along with this, i know everything about you.

i know your zodiac sign, me and leo’s are really compatible, which i never failed to mention to you despite how little you believe in astrology.

i can’t lie, the amount of silly little compatibility quizzes i took throughout middle school with our names punched in was a bit excessive, but every time without fail i would get the answers i had hoped for. and i thought that meant something.

i know how hard it was growing up for you. but i was there for you when you needed someone to force you to go to school in the morning, or when you needed help ordering food at the gas station across the street.

i used to think we were soulmates. not always romantic, but we just understood each other so well and i considered it to be sacred.

whenever i went through my own shit you were there for me. it was always so easy. knowing that if i had a bad day i had someone to go to who would listen with open ears… i guess it’s just been hard to live without that.

“Matt why did he break up with me? am i that unlovable?” i cry out, my head buried in matt’s chest as he rubs small circles on the back of my head.

he just pulls my head off of him, hands placed on either cheek as he looks at me. “i don’t think there is anyone on this planet that is more lovable than you”

i sniffle, trying my best to suppress the numerous tears that want nothing more than to escape my eyes. “so why did he break up with me out of the blue? after eight months why did he just decide he’s done with me?”

“because he’s an idiot who doesn’t understand the girl he just lost”

i cried for hours that night when my boyfriend broke up with me, and i know you remember. the next morning i woke up in your arms and i immediately felt guilty for keeping you up so late with my sob stories, but you didn’t care.

you said you wanted what’s best for me and you would make it your life’s goal to make me happy. and then you had the audacity to run your fingers through my hair as i thought about what to do next. that along with the constant reminders of how much i deserved love, that it was a definite thing for me.

how is that okay? do you not see how that was so completely confusing? did it mean absolutely nothing?

i haven’t kissed many people in my life, something Chris loved to tease me about. what he doesn’t know is that you were my first.

we never talked about it. maybe that was for the best, because every time i see a picture of you all i can think about is how good your lips felt on mine.

“i can’t just kiss you!” i laugh out, taking another swig of my drink before wiping my lips and looking back at the boy who has a serious expression resting on his face.

“sure you can. i don’t want jack to have an unfortunate ending to your guys’ date if u end up like… licking his bottom lip or some shit” he argues, holding his own drink in his own hand but keeping his attention solely on me.

“you’re just saying that because you’re drunk”

“maybe” he replies, sensing my hesitance. “is the idea of kissing me that bad?”

“no! no of course not, i just don’t wanna make it weird between us” i say, suddenly feeling a pool of anxiety form in my stomach.

but then, before i could form another overwhelming thought you just kissed me. just like that your lips were attached to mine and everything felt okay.

it was short lived, although i know i could have been like that forever. “nothing could ever make things weird between us, promise”

it’s funny isn’t it? how many times we assured each other that our friendship was solid, unbreakable.

i think the worst part is the not knowing. there’s nothing to comfort me with.

you left one day and you simply never spoke to me again. was it my fault? was it something i said?

i can’t help but wonder if the reason you cut it off is because you noticed all the small glances i would take in your direction. or if you noticed that the reason why i love romance books so much is because i imagine we’re the main characters.

that’s the thing though, i’ll never know. i feel less like myself without you, but maybe that’s part of growing up.

i have to learn what my own favourite snacks are and i can’t reply on you to have my back when i get my heart broken. instead i’ll be crying in an empty bed wondering what could’ve happened differently.

this wasn’t supposed to be a long letter but i promise it’s the only one you’ll be getting from me because i have to do the same as you, i have to move on.

i just have one question for you.

did all of this mean something to you? like really mean something to you in the way that i interpreted it.

i’ve wondered if i was delusional when i caught you staring at me from across the classroom, or when i found those compatibility tests in your search history.

but the kiss? drunk or not i thought something was there, with you or with us or whatever else. i didn’t think i was just another girl that Matt Sturniolo kisses and then forgets about but that’s exactly what i became.

anyways, i hope this letter finds you well. i had to ask Nate for your address but please don’t get mad at him. you know how stubborn i am when i want something and he tried to say no.

i guess i just love you, and i’m trying my best to make that sentence into past tense.

thanks for listening, y/n.

you grab an envelope that resides on the edge of your desk and open it up. folding up your letter and placing it gently inside before licking the tip of the envelope and closing it.

it all feels metaphorical. pouring your heart out just for it to get concealed by a thin piece of paper and shipped away.

regardless, you breathe out, standing up and making your way over to the garage to start your car. if you don’t do it know you won’t do it at all, and you need him to hear you.

a/n: if u want a part 2 you might get one maybe… we’ll see what i’m feeling anyways hope you enjoyed this blurb

taglist: @lolasnoww-blog @tastesousweet @ivypoison @disturbedwoodelf @sturnswift @junnniiieee07 @ellie-luvsfics @sturnified @madsdogst @justlivinglive @sluttycupsworld @flowerxbunnie @mbsbaby @sturniolossmut @lustfulslxt @69isabella69 @dracoflaco @mattslatinagf @raekensluver @worldlxvlys @greatooglymooglyyy @breeloveschris @st7rnioioss @imwetforyourmom @sturniolololover @immuneweed @its-jennarose @taco-taco-posts @luverboychris @gracealwaysdisgrace @gamermattsgf @mattscoquette @nervoussagittarius @sugrhigh @jnkvivi @sturnsmia

[hxney-lemcn]

Crushcrushcrush — Ranpo Edogawa x gn! reader

summery: a simple deal turns into more as reader and Ranpo become closer.

tw: idk if it should be counted as objectification but Ranpo refers to reader as a treat (this is all sfw)

a/n: idk how I feel about this, what do y'all think? (title is a song)

wc: 1.6k

Master List

“I have an offer,” You stated, dragging a lone chair to sit across from Ranpo’s desk. A bored look painted the young detective's face, mindlessly rolling a lollipop over his tongue. Although he didn’t move, his eyes watched you with slight interest. 

Recently Ranpo seemed less and less inclined to do his work. It shouldn’t bother you, he wasn’t your responsibility…well at least when it came to his paperwork. Yet a nagging feeling tugged at you as his pile of work grew, less and less cases likely to be solved. The closure for someone’s loved ones or the safety of others relied on the whims of a childish detective. It didn’t feel right. So, when you were overthinking this problem only you seemed to have for the past week, you believed  you came up with a bulletproof plan.

“I’m listening,” Ranpo hummed.

Running over exactly what you wanted to say, you brought up a deal he couldn’t pass, “If you solve 10 cases every work week then I’ll treat you to whatever you want as long as it’s ¥4,500 or under. I’ll keep track of your monthly average, and if you exceed 40 cases solved in a month I’ll treat you to something worth ¥10,000. What do you say?”

There was a pause as Ranpo considered the pros and cons of this deal, and skeptically he asked “What do you get out of this?”

You hadn’t considered him to ask that. Either he would have agreed or disagreed, not dive into your intentions. Ironically, you felt that your reasoning was somewhat childish, so you hesitated before coming clean, “I just want to help people.”

Ranpo blinked before a smile spread across his face, “Okay! Nothing the world's greatest detective can’t handle.” He leaned back in his chair, arms resting behind his head.

“Oh!” You blinked, surprised he had actually agreed. “Cool, great. We’ll start next month so it’s easier for me to keep track.”

What became a simple agreement between co-workers shifted into a friendship. At first you thought you’d just give him the cash at the end of the week to spend on whatever his heart wanted…yeah you hadn’t thought that part through. When you tried to give Ranpo the cash at the end of the first week, he whined, complaining about how he needed someone to guide him to his favorite candy store. So not only were you giving him an allowance, but you had also become his go to guide. At first you were a bit annoyed, yes you had no grudges against the black haired detective, but all you wanted to do on a Friday evening was to rest in bed. 

Although it was an annoyance at first, your time together had grown on you. You got to know Ranpo better, and although he was very childish, arrogant, selfish…you get the point, he was also quite entertaining. You two worked together, but you hadn’t really interacted with him except for the meetings or greeting as you’d pass by. You felt yourself glued when Ranpo would tell you of his past cases, hands moving around while still holding his spoon with melting ice cream dripping onto the table. 

It didn’t take long for feelings to start forming. This agreement had gone on for 3 months at this point and you found yourself excited for the weekly outing you two shared. His childishness that had endeared you before was your downfall. Ever since you got to know each other better, Ranpo had begun pestering you more. Whether it be poking you for more snacks, or requesting you to join him during his cases, he never failed to gain your attention in one way or another. Which gained the attention of your fellow co-workers.

Dazai drawled your name, moving his chair to join you at your desk. You barely gave the bandaged detective a glance, continuing the report you needed to finish about you and Ranpo’s last case. Dazai disregarded your disinterest and continued, “Why haven’t you offered me a reward for getting work done?” A pout rested on his lips as he stared at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You quickly shut him down, “You wouldn’t do the work.”

He found a way to make himself look even more pathetic as he whined, “You’re so mean! Ranpo gets to hang out with such an attractive person while the rest of us are just chopped liver.”

You stared at him blankly, unsure what his motivations could possibly be, “You just want free food.”

Dazai leaned back in his chair, hand resting over his chest in a dramatic gesture, “You wound me! Is it really such a shock that I may want to spend time with you, Belladonna?”

You squinted at him, very aware that he only used that pet name when he was trying to woo someone, or in this case to bring your defenses down. And even though you knew he was up to something, you felt yourself give in. It’s been a long week and useless bickering wasn’t going to finish your report. 

“Do you want to join us or something?” You asked exasperatedly. 

“You’re inviting little old me?” Dazai asked with a dramatic gasp, a smile replacing his previous pout. “Oh I don’t know…”

“You’d have to ask Ranpo,” You grumbled, turning back to the half finished report. “And you have to pay for yourself.”

Little did you know, Ranpo was watching your entire interaction, a frown painting his features. He wasn’t sure why, but the thought of Dazai encroaching on your shared activity didn’t settle well. He was a selfish man, and you had become a treat all on your own. He wanted your attention on him, and although he knows it’s impossible for you to focus on him at all times, it didn’t stop him from wanting it. The thought was foreign to him, as he only really cared about the President’s praise or Yosano’s opinions, but you had managed to wiggle your way into his life and now he also cared about having your attention, praise, and opinions. 

When you had brought up Ranpo, Dazai looked over to said man, a pleased grin on the brown haired detective's lips. Ranpo’s frown grew, unsure why Dazai seemed so pleased. No way was he letting the lesser detective spoil his treats. 

“Oh Ranpo~” Dazai sang, only to be cut off.

“No.”

The sternness in Ranpo’s reply stunned you into tuning back into the situation. You watched in slight shock as Ranpo glared over at Dazai.

“You’re both so mean,” Dazai whined, but finally dropped the subject, sending you a smirk before returning to his desk. 

You glanced at Ranpo once more, only for him to have returned to his normal self, opening a bag of chips as if nothing unusual just happened. That was only the start to his unusual behavior towards you. You knew your doting on him would clue him in on your feelings, but you hadn’t expected him to reciprocate. Yes your agreement had started because you wanted to help people, but it had turned indulgent as you enjoyed your time with the detective. What you hadn’t expected was for it to become indulgent for him as well. 

The next sign was how the seemingly touch adverse man had turned into the clingiest motherfucker you had ever met. You didn’t mind until it started to intrude on your work. It started with small things, holding your hand as you walked the streets together, resting his head on your shoulder while you sat on the bus. Small things you could easily mistake as friendly (which you had), but the gestures started to blur some lines. Hugs that lasted longer than you could brush off, getting piggy back rides from you (if/when possible), cuddling with you on the break room couch when you both had a break. Dazai had found it his new goal in life to tease you as much as possible (it seemed that Yosano had taken up the same practice with Ranpo). Finally you both had breached gestures that clearly couldn’t be waved off as friendly. Ranpo had decided that the best seat in the office was your lap (you couldn’t suppress the embarrassment you felt as everyone in the office stared at you both), or how he’d insist you sleep over (you basically live in his dorm at this point).

The biggest sign of how Ranpo felt about you was when he offered you your favorite snack. Not only was it a snack, something he guards with his life, but it was your favorite, something he deemed worthy enough to know. Such a small gesture managed to warm your heart. There was only one problem…neither of you seemed to be able to open up about your feelings for the other. Your agreement had fizzled, as Ranpo settled for receiving your praises in exchange for his work, but you still would buy him an ice cream or some candy as a reward. 

The lines of your relationship continued to blur more and more. It wasn’t until finally Ranpo had introduced you as his partner, and no, not as a work partner. At first you became flustered, a label finally falling onto your relationship, and soon Ranpo had followed as he realized what he let slip. He thought of you both as together, and a wide grin adorned your face. Hoping to get through to him that it was okay as you wanted the same, you had pressed a kiss to his cheek…which only seemed to worsen his flustered state. 

At the end of the day…none of your co-workers were shocked. In fact, when Ranpo had declared your status to the office (much to your dismay), Dazai just had to quip, “Wait, you weren’t before?”

[drudyslut]

— summary: it’s been a month since you and rafe broke up, and when the two of you end up at the same party, rafe wants closure. but things go differently.

— pairing: rafe cameron x fem!reader

— warnings: strong language, toxic relationship, some angst, pet names, praising, dom!rafe, unprotected sex, fingering, slightly sweet!rafe in the end.

— note: my first fic i posted on my old blog, only fair it’s the first reposted on my new blog <3 it’s also slightly reworked but not by much!

❥ closure— r.c

It’s been a month since you’d seen him. A month of dodging calls and texts, begging you to just come talk.

The truth was, you missed him, but you knew it was for the best if you steered clear of him.

He was toxic in every way imaginable; controlling, mentally abusive, he had a drug problem he wasn’t willing to shake, not even for you. He had so many problems within himself and he wasn’t willing to try and fix them. It had been a long but rewarding month, and you finally felt happy again.

But you knew you’d see him eventually, given y’all live on a small island in North Carolina, and now here you were, standing in the middle of his best friends living room at a party, hoping you can make it through the night without seeing him.

“Y/N? You okay?” you hear your best friend ask from beside you, completely pulling you from your thoughts.

You look over at her and give a small smile, trying your hardest not to give away that your mind is on Rafe.

“Yeah i’m fine, just a little on edge. This is the first party i’ve came to since…” The sentence dies on your tongue when you see him, standing at the opposite side of the house, glass full of whiskey in hand, his eyes locked on you.

“Fuck” you say under your breath and looking to your best friend again.

“What? Y/N/N what’s wro-“ she starts, but is cut off by an all too familiar voice. Rafe.

“Hey Y/N… I was wondering if we could talk?” Rafe asks, his eyes trained on the ground beneath him.

You stand frozen in your spot, unable to form a coherent thought. You hadn’t seen him in an entire month, you hadn’t heard his voice in an entire month, you hadn’t felt the feeling you were feeling right now in an entire month.

You look up at him, trying to get a read on his face, hoping you could figure out his true intentions through his eyes. But when he locks his blue eyes with yours, they’re filled with nothing but sadness. You’d never seen Rafe look so sad before, not even when his dad spent the entire day tearing him apart, he never looked as sad as he did right now.

You look toward your friend who is just watching the two of you like it’s her favorite show, causing you to roll your eyes at her. She gives you an apologetic smile before she looks back at Rafe, “Sorry bud, I don’t think she’s much up for talking to you”

He gives her a shit eating glare, his head slowly turning back to you. You notice his features soften when he meets your eyes again, “Look Y/N it’s just a talk. We need better closure, I need better closure… Please?”

You let out a deep sigh and let your fall to look at the ground before looking back into his eyes. You really missed him. Missed those deep blue eyes, his plump pink lips, you missed everything about him.

“Rafe, I don’t think I can give you what you’re looking for. I just- We were toxic together, you know that. What more is there to say?”

Rafe frowns. “Look I just need you to know I will fucking change. I need you. I’ve been a mess this last month, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, all i’ve done is try and drink you away. I even quit doing coke for you, I thought maybe if I try and change who I am, then fuck, I don’t know.. Maybe you’d love me again. I fucking need you though”

You stand there in shock at his revelation. You never thought you’d hear Rafe Cameron say he needs someone. He’s the Kook Prince, he has everything he wants, he could have any girl he wants, so why does he need you? Fuck why does he want you?

Rafe pulls you from your thoughts, his hands placed softly on your shoulders. “Y/N?”

You shake his hands from your shoulders. “Let’s go talk. But just talk, Rafe”

He gives a small smile, taking your hand in his and leading you up the stairs and into a small guest bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind him.

You move to sit on the end of the bed, eyes finding Rafe who was still standing by the door, his eyes raking your figure up and down. You felt your face grow hot from his intense stare, he’d always had this sort of affect on you, even though you’d been together for three years, he always knew how to get you flustered.

“Rafe, you said you wanted to talk, so let’s talk” you say with a shaky voice.

He begins moving closer to you, making your entire body grow hot, “I do wanna talk, but y’know it’s hard to just talk when you look so goddamn sexy baby”

“D-don’t call me that. We’re not together anymore”

“And that’s the problem baby girl, we should be together. We were meant to be together, why can’t you see that?”

“Rafe” you begin, but are cut off by his lips hovering over yours, he was so close you could smell his expensive cologne that you love so much.

“What is it baby? I know you miss me like I miss you. Fuck. I miss your smell, your laugh, your smile, I miss the way your hands feel in mine. I really miss the way your pretty lips look wrapped around my cock, I miss everything about you”

You suck in shaky breath, his words causing an ache to grow between your legs. You squeeze your legs together and push him back, finally able to catch a good breath. You look up into his eyes, normally beautiful and blue, but right now they’re darkened over and full of lust for you.

“Rafe I can’t do this with you. You always try and use sex to pull me back in, and it usually works, but fuck, I can’t do this” You stand from the bed, pushing past him and making your way toward the door, unlocking the door. Before you can pull the door open you’re pushed into the door, hearing it locked again before you’re spun around to face Rafe.

“Fucking hell Y/N stop! You wanna talk? Let’s talk”

“Rafe let me go” You say sternly, trying your hardest to push him off of you.

He loosens his grip on your arms, and steps back a little. You look into his eyes, noticing the tears that were threatening to fall.

You give him a sad smile and exhale deeply, “Look, Rafe. You know I love you, fuck you’re the one person i’ve loved more than anything in all mu years in this earth, and we were good together, but we weren’t at the same time.. The bad outweighs the good..”

You see a single tear fall from his eye, the sight breaks your already broken heart more, but you know you can’t give in. If you do it’ll be the same cycle repeated all over again. Years of dealing with the fights, the tears, him shutting you out when his dad has been a royal ass. You couldn’t handle it anymore.

“Y/N I promise i’ll change. I know you say the bad outweighs the good, and I understand that, but if you just let me have this one last chance, I swear I will spend every single goddamn day proving to you that I fucking love you. You’re the only happiness i’ve had in my miserable existence, I can’t fucking lose you”

You feel your heart shatter in that moment, you knew he loved you, that much you never doubted, but you weren’t sure you could allow yourself to go through all the heart ache again.

You slowly move toward him, wanting to take all his pain away, let him know you were here. You bring him into your arms, his head falling into the crook of your neck as he let choked sobs escape him. You rub at his back softly, whispering sweetly to him as you tried to calm him down.

You know you miss him, why is it so hard to let someone go? Why is it so hard to stop loving someone when they’ve given you every reason to hate them?

You pull away from him, looking into his sparkling blue eyes, seeing him this way hurt, and you knew you were going to forgive him. Take him back. You couldn’t help it. You loved him. You lift up on your toes and place a soft kiss on his lips before quickly pulling away. He looks into your eyes, searching for any sign that he could kiss you again.

He slowly bends down and captures your lips with his again, softly and slowly at first to make sure you were okay with it, but he quickly deepens the kiss when he realizes you weren’t going to shove him away. You melt into the kiss, allowing him to slip his tongue into your mouth and explore as your arms fly around his neck.

He moves his hands down the curves of your body, reaching your thighs and giving a light tap, signaling for you to jump and wrap your legs around his torso.

He holds onto the bottom of your thighs, walking the two of you over to the bed. He never breaks the kiss until he softly drops you onto the bed.

You watch in awe as he tears his shirt off, tossing it to the side and crawling on top of you. He keeps his gaze on you, a small smirk on his lips before he leans down and kisses you deeply again.

Yo whimper against his lips, “R-Rafe, please. I need you. I’ve missed you”

He breaks the kiss and looks down at you with that cocky smirk you know all too well, “Tell me what you want sweetheart, and I’m sure I can help you out”

“Touch me, please” You whine, grabbing his hand and leading it to where you need him the most.

He begins quickly unbuttoning your shorts, sliding them down your legs and tossing them across the room. He palms your cunt through your panties, rubbing his thumb over your soaked core, “Shit princess, so wet. You’ve ruined these” he says lowly, his fingers hooking into the waistband of your panties and sliding them down your legs.

“Shirt off” he demands, moving to unbutton his pants, eyes never leaving you as he watches you pull your shirt over your head.

He sucks in a sharp breath when he sees you’d opted for no bra tonight, “Fuck baby, I missed you like this”

“Prove it”

Before you have time to think, Rafe pushes your back onto the mattress and begins littering your neck with kisses, pulling moans and whines from your lips. “Rafe! Please, do something”

“So needy for me aren’t you baby?” He says as he begins rubbing slow circles on your clit. You squirm underneath his touch, your hips bucking forward as you try and gain more friction. He takes his free hand, pushing your hips down into the mattress.

“Be a good girl, and don’t move. You know i’ll take care of you, alright?”

He slowly rubs your clit with his thumb, inserting his middle finger into your soaked pussy, forcing a moan to fall from you, your gummy walls clenching around his finger. You try and focus on your breathing, the pace of his finger mixed with the pressure he was applying to your clit pushing you toward the edge fast.

“My needy girl, clenching around my finger, you like when my fingers are inside you baby?” He asks, voice low and raspy as he sinks another finger inside you, quickening his pace.

You nod your head, back arching off the mattress, pushing his fingers deeper into you. He chuckles darkly, curling his fingers slightly and hitting at your sweet spot before he pulls them from you completely.

“Rafe what the f-“ you were about to complain, but the words die on your tongue when he sinks both fingers back inside you, thrusting them in and out harshly, the slight curve of his fingers repeatedly hitting at your g-spot.

“Oh shit, keep going baby, i’m gonna cum, Rafe! Fuck!”

Rafe slows his pace, leaning forward and kissing your lips softly. “I know baby, I can feel your pussy clenching around my fingers, but you can’t cut, not yet princess. You’re gonna cum on my cock”

You moan out at the slow pace of his fingers, your eyes squeezed shut as he pulls them from you. You open your eyes and watch as he strips his briefs from his body, letting his hard cock spring free. You prop yourself up on your elbows and stare in awe at the beauty of the man in front of you. After three years you still find yourself drooling over him like this, but who wouldn’t ?

“I almost forgot how big you are baby” you stay while moving to bring him into your mouth, but he stops you before you can even begin.

“Tonight’s all about you sweetheart, we’ll have plenty of time to let you put that pretty mouth to use, but for now, i’m going to fuck you. Lay back”

He begins stroking himself slowly, bringing his free hand and wrapping it around your throat, “I’ve always loved how you look with my hand wrapped around your throat, such a pretty girl”

You squirm beneath him, wanting nothing but the feeling of his cock inside you. You begin to whine, begging for him to fuck you when he finally sinks himself inside you, moans and groans falling from both of you as he fills you perfectly.

“Fuck baby, so fucking wet, so tight, and just for me”

He begins thrusting himself into you slowly, your inner walls squeezing at him tightly.

“Tell me you only get this fucking wet for me, that this pussy belongs to me!” He demands, his hips pounding into you harder and faster.

You open your mouth to speak but nothing but moans and whines come out, you can’t think straight, much less form a coherent sentence.

Rafe slows his thrusts to an agonizingly slow pace, stilling inside you completely. He tightens the grip he has on your throat, forcing your eyes open and onto him, “Answer me baby, or i’ll stop”

“Fuck, Rafe! Only you, It’s all for you!”

He smirks, his hips pounding into yours again. “That’s my good girl”

You feel yourself clenching around him, your walls sucking him further into you. You bring your hands to his face and pull his lips down to meet yours, kissing him sloppily and hungrily.

“Fuck Rafe! I’m about to cum!” You whine, your hands flying to his shoulders, fingernails digging into the flesh.

He takes one hand and grips at your hip tightly, surely leaving a bruise. He pulls your body further into him, his thrusts growing sloppier and harder as he buries his face into your neck, sucking a bruise into the skin.

“Come for me baby, come all over me”

You feel the pressure build up in your stomach, your pussy clamping down on him harder. You begin to move your hops with his, trying to push him closer to his release.

The room is filled with nothing but the sounds of both your moans, and skin slapping against skin. You feel the band snap, your legs shaking uncontrollably beneath him and your release rushes through you.

“Fuck baby, i’m so close, fuck!” Rafe groans out, his dick twitching inside you as the hot ropes of his cum spill inside you.

He lets his body fall onto yours, fighting to catch his breath, “I love you”

You place a soft kiss to his cheek, smiling, “I love you too”

He pulls himself from inside you, rolling onto his side and off the bed. You watch as he disappears into the bathroom, emerging seconds later with a warm washcloth in hand. He begins cleaning the inside of your thighs.

Once he’s done cleaning you up, he grabs his briefs from the floor, slipping them back on and moving to grab your t-shirt.

The two of you quickly get dressed, the room completely silent until Rafe clears his throat and grabs your hands, pulling you toward him.

“So I just want you to know, this wasn’t me using sex to pull you back into my fucked up life.. I understand if you still don’t want to be with me..”

You sigh, bringing your hands to his face and kissing his lips, “Rafe I know we’ve been through this before, and we go through the same cycle time and time again, but I love you. So i’m willing to try this again”

A big smile takes over his face, and he pulls you into a long, sweet kiss. When he breaks the kiss he looks deeply into your eyes, “I promise i’ll show you how much you mean to me, how much I love you. I promise you’ll see the change in me, i’ll be the man you deserve”

You giggle. “I trust you, Rafe. And most importantly I love you. Now let’s get back down there before everyone thinks we killed each other”

RAFE TAGLIST: @whore-4-drewstarkey @ivy-34 @aemonddtargaryen @thelomlisrafecameron @rafegirly @f4ll-for-you @drewstarkeyslut @starkeypankowsbae @lizcameron @m-1234 @dilvcv @thewitchesofart @rafesgfxo @unsaidjaelinrose @abbybarnesstuff @itsmytimetoodream @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @r1vrsefx @alexisbaumann2004 @yourfavborderhopper @moremaybank @mel119g @rafetopia @rafecameronnslut @rafemotherfuckincameron @jade-is-jaded @jjmaybankisbae @lexasaurs634 @softlilacarrest @fayerite @exhaustedbutelated @lyndys @urmyslxt @presleyanswrites @sierraluvz @carma-fanficaddict @rafescokenostril @madzzz0797 @slytherhoes

rafe masterlist | taglist form

[dilemmaontwolegs]

i know u have a gazillion requests but what if we spice up that Carlos fic? if you decide to do a pt 3. maybe Carlos is once again is frustrated because of the penalty after a good quali and has sex with Rebecca cuz he can't find the model. a lil angst

It’s no secret, I’m in an angsty kinda writing mood at the moment 😅 I also forgot who was meant to be the toxic one...and now it's both of them.

Lady in Red (3) || CS55

Pairing: Carlos Sainz Jr x fem!reader Warnings: 18+ only, NSFW, smut, cheating, manipulation WC: 1.5k

One || Two || Three || Four

You had been called away to work just before qualifying finished. You and half a dozen other models were asked to stand behind the top three drivers and wave feather fans for the cameras while an Elvis impersonator pumped out his signature dance moves. 

From your position you could see the frustration on Carlos’ face. He had qualified second fastest yet he was going to have to start from 12th on the grid. You weren’t the only person in the area upset by the 10 place penalty and the Ferrari supporters were making their opinion known as they chanted for Carlos.

“Alright, sweethearts, we need you over at the Bellagio for some promo shots and then you’re free for the night,” one of the headset-clad organisers said to the group you were with before checking her watch. “Or should I say morning.”

The drive back from the Bellagio to the paddock seemed to take hours with the road closures and checkpoints, but finally you made it back. Knowing Carlos would be waiting somewhere for you, you scanned each floor to find him before heading straight to the top.

“Fuck, mi amor, this is what I need,” Carlos moaned. 

You froze at the sordid scene you had walked in on. Neither one saw you in the doorway of the darkened room, their backs to you as Carlos bent Rebecca over the desk and pounded into her. He curled her hair around his fist and pulled back so to expose the pleasure painted on her face. 

You didn’t even notice you were crying until a droplet fell from your cheek to land on your breast, the feather girl outfit he enjoyed on full display. You suddenly hated how exposed you felt in the ridiculous costume. It was almost as ridiculous as you - for thinking a man like him could change. 

“Take it, cariña, take it,” he stammered as you recognised the pinch of his brow. He was close. He was close to finishing and you were more than done with seeing it. 

You were conscious of your footsteps as you retreated from the room and descended downstairs. You just needed to make it to your dressing room so you could get your stuff and go. 

“Hey,” Charlotte called out as she caught your arm and pulled you to a stop with a friendly smile. “Carlos was looking for you earlier. Did you find him?”

“Yeah, I did,” you whispered, quickly wiping the tears from your cheeks. “Don’t bother drafting up the breakup post.”

Her smile dimmed as confusion replaced it. “What breakup post?”

“Huh,” you laughed humorlessly as you shook your head at your stupidity. “The one Carlos clearly didn’t talk to you about. God, I am a fucking idiot.”

You left the track, heading straight back to your hotel room and before you even reached the room you saw Carlos’ name come up on your phone. You sent him straight to voicemail, again and again.

You barely slept as you thought about how humiliated you felt. You wanted to get him back but you weren’t innocent yourself. You knew your career would be over if you outed the relationship you had with Carlos, even if it made you feel better momentarily. No, you weren’t going to bloody your hands for him, there was already a stain on your soul for what you had knowingly done.

You were a survivor and you were smarter than your recent actions showed. You knew things about Carlos that he had been foolish enough to share in the unburdened state that came after sharing his bed. You were going to use it to your advantage and do what you did best, be the envy of every man.

You had turned your phone off when you arrived at the paddock for the race but it was going to be impossible to ignore Carlos when you were assigned to the Ferrari team. 

“Stacy, swap with me?” you begged as she waited for Charles to escort him to the grid. “Pleeeease.”

“Whatever, French boys aren’t my thing anyway,” she said with a grin before heading next door to Carlos’ side. 

“I’m not French,” Charles corrected as he stepped out of his room. “I’m Monégasque.”

“Today, you’re pole,” you said with a grin as you offered your elbow out to him. “Ready to go?”

You didn’t glance in Carlos’ direction as you accompanied Charles out onto the grid. You didn’t even have to fake enjoying the company as you found the Monégasque had a good sense of humour and made you laugh the entire way. 

From the slamming of Carlos’ car door you knew you were getting to him. Carlos’ fear was losing to his team mate and he was sick of always being compared to Charles Leclerc. 

Carefully angling the feather fan to hide your faces from the jealous driver, you leant in and wished Charles good luck for the race. To the fans, you were clearly talking, but to Carlos? He would always think the worst.

Charles was high with adrenaline when he arrived at the Bellagio after coming second place. It wasn’t the win he was obviously hoping for but you could see how happy he was with the result. 

“So, you like Charles now, huh?” Stacy whispered as she stood as you did, a fake smile on your faces as you lined the interview stage. 

You cast her a quick side glance and winked. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“I know why you wanted to swap, Carlos acts like a fucking baby. He practically trashed his garage after Charlotte spoke to him about something. God, I wish I could have heard what that conversation was about.”

“Hmm, me too,” you said with a sick sense of delight as the interviews wrapped up. “Oh, finally, almost time to party.”

“You must be happy, proving Carlos wrong,” you teased Charles as you escorted him back to the Rolls Royce he arrived in. 

His steps faltered and he slowed his walk as his other podium finishers drifted further ahead. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he’s been telling everyone how much better a driver he is compared to you,” you stated with a shrug. It was an exaggeration, you had overheard him complaining to his father in the garage. “But you showed him.”

“A better driver?” Charles scoffed. “He is full of shit.”

He seemed to be in deep contemplation as he walked silently, until he reached the car and turned to you. “You should come to the after party.”

Carlos had already added you to the invite list but you smiled and batted your lashes as Charles. “Are you asking me?”

He blushed and laughed at himself as he nodded. “Would you like to come to the after party with me?”

“You don’t have a girlfriend do you?”

“No,” he laughed warmly. “I wouldn’t be asking to take you if I did.”

“Then I would love to go with you.” You gave him your room number that was conveniently in the same hotel as him, since both Ferrari drivers stayed in the same one. 

You already had the perfect dress waiting in your room and as you stood in front of the mirror you had to admit you looked stunning. The red dress was tailored to your body and the plunging neckline was risque and exactly what you envisioned it to be. You couldn’t wait to see Carlos’ face when you walked into the party on his teammate's arm.

“Hey,” you greeted as you opened the door after the knock, but it wasn’t who you expected to see on the other side. “Carlos, what are you doing here?”

His jaw fell slack, lips parting, as his eyes trailed down your body. “Mios dios, hermosa.”

You held your hand out, planting it on his chest as he stepped forward to kiss you. “Woah there, buddy, not happening.”

“Why not? Why have you been ignoring me?” he asked with genuine confusion.

“I saw you fucking Rebecca last night after Qualifying.”

He looked a little sheepish as he scratched the back of his heated neck. “I couldn’t find you.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better when you call her ‘mi amor’ too?”

“I didn’t mean it, I-I was thinking about you,” his eyes widened as his voice went up a pitch. “I swear.”

You nodded sympathetically as you rubbed his arm. “Of course, like you were thinking about me when you didn’t have that chat with Charlotte. Yeah, I know you didn't, so just go back to your girlfriend.”

“But I want you,” he pouted as he bowed his head and looked up with big brown puppy dog eyes.

“But I don’t want you. Not anymore.” You gave him a push and he ceded the space in your doorway as the  elevator across the hall opened and Charles stepped out looking good in a pair of jeans and a fitted shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbow. “Hey handsome,” you greeted him with a smile as you grabbed a black clutch with your phone and money. “Perfect timing.”

“You are breathtaking,” he said after a few blinks to recover from the sight of you. He smiled as he brushed past Carlos to kiss your cheek, ignoring the Spaniard completely. “Ready to go, chérie?”

You took his hand and sent a dark smile in Carlos’ direction as you passed by. “See you around, red man.”

Click here for part four.

[abbyromanoff]

TARGET 1

PAIRINGS: Ghostface!Natasha Romanoff x reader

WORD COUNT: 2581

WARNINGS: bottom!Nat, kinda dark reader, Mommy (R), smut obvi, mentions of face riding, hand jobs, breeding, little!Nat, praise, pet names, Nat is referred to as “bear” a lot, small angst, wrote this in abt an hour so it’s not that great :/, think that’s all tho :)

NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN!!

Screams echoed through the dark alley, and Nat cursed herself for not thinking to cover the victim’s mouth. Someone could hear, and with the news of the recent killings spreading, she didn��t want to risk finally being caught.

The blood oozed out of the man’s wound, and Nat smiled as she grabbed her camera. She examined her surroundings, making sure nobody was nearby before she took multiple photos, placing them in her pocket after making sure they were perfect for you. She sent a text your way, updating you on her completion before removing the mask and cloak, placing them in her bag while she placed a single headphone in, making sure she looked like a normal citizen and not a killer who just took away the life of an innocent man. You told her to be safe on her voyage home and received a quick photo of her grinning with a thumbs up, giving you all the closure you needed as you set up the bath. You ensured the water was hot so it would cool to an even temperature by the time she was home. You placed her favorite toys in the pile of bubbles and ventured into the kitchen, waiting for the oven to set off and to hear the twisting of keys to your shared apartment.

“Mommy? I’m home!” You heard a giggly Nat alert you, causing you to peek your head out of the room. She smiled when she saw you and tried rushing forward, only to be stopped by your voice.

“Ah, ah, what’s the rule with shoes in the house?” She looked down, noticing a small trail of blood she left on the floor. She rushed an apology and placed them on the rack next to the coat hanger, continuing her way to you and throwing her arms around you in a hurry.

“Mm, I missed you, bear.” You placed your hands on both of her cheeks, squishing the plush skin before leaving a quick peck on her lips. Her dimples shined under her large blush and you chuckled, placing one last kiss on her forehead before grabbing her plate of food.

“I know you must be so hungry after all your hard work today, I thought you deserved a little treat.”

“Breakfast for dinner? Oh, thank you, Mommy!” You knew it was her favorite, and while it was a bit of a hassle, you’d rather spend half an hour cleaning if you got to see her smile so large. She poured the maple syrup over her waffle before grabbing the whipped cream, only to be stopped by a hand.

“I think it’s best if Mommy does that for you, we don’t want you dirtying up your shirt, now do we?” You also knew she loved to go over the top with sweetness, whipped cream being one of those. While she deserved a lovely treat, it was best if she didn’t plow down piles of food and complain later on about stomach pain.

“Would you like me to cut your waffle for you, love?” She grappled onto your arm, resting her head on the soft skin as she watched your every move.

“Yes, please.” Her mouth felt empty, usually, she had her pacifier to soothe her in times of calmness like this. So, she took to biting her lip instead, a habit you’ve been trying to have her let go of.

“There you go. Why don’t you eat up and you can tell me all about your little adventure tonight, okay?” She nodded, instantly taking her fork and picking the piece she saw first. You sighed with contentment before taking the seat across from her, occasionally feeling her foot slap against your leg as she swung them happily.

“I even got a bunch of pictures for you!” She concluded her rant, reaching into her pocket where the Polaroids were stored.

“No talking with your mouth full, bear,” You reminded her, making her stop as she swallowed the nourishment before continuing. She placed each of them on the table, taking a sip of her apple juice before explaining each one.

“And guess what? I stabbed him, like, a billion times! I forgot to cover his mouth on accident, so I made sure to leave before anyone heard him or saw me.” You nodded along with her statements, standing alongside her as the two of you cleaned each dish.

“Now, baby, you need to make sure you’re being careful, I don’t want you to get caught.”

“I know, Mommy, I promise I’m usually really careful, but I got a little excited this time.” The man wasn’t a terrible person, but in her mind he was. He was your boss and had been setting unrealistic expectations for all of his workers, including you. This meant longer hours and more stress, which also meant less time that Nat got to spend with you. You tried making it up to her, and she didn’t blame you, but she knew this was the best gift she could offer you. After all, you do so much for her, you deserved a thank you.

“That’s alright, we’re just going to need to wait a little bit longer until we find someone, this time.”

The two of you quickly finished the load of dishes, thankful that there wasn’t a lot. You led her to the bathroom, helping rid her of her clothing before she settled in the bathtub. She played with the toys, allowing her giggles to be presented instead of shying away. She was never appreciated in the ways you showed her, so being able to remove that ounce of fear she held felt undeniably relieving.

“Mommy, can I ask you something?” She asked in a low voice, clinging onto the towel you wrapped around her. You furrowed your brows but gave her permission, your worry only growing as her gaze faltered to the floor.

“Do you really think I’m good at this type of stuff?” She had been trained her entire life to kill, it was all she ever knew. She was of the highest rankings at such a young age, but the constant competition and downgrading she received failed to fill her confidence. All she ever wanted was to be good enough, and now that goal was even more important with you by her side.

“Oh, honey, of course, you are! I’m always so proud of you and your work, nothing will ever change that.” She sat on the edge of the bed, the cracked window causing goosebumps to erupt on her naked skin. You took the signal to shut it before returning, kneeling before her as you patched up a small cut on her knee. She eyed the Frozen bandaid with a smile, running her fingertip over the area before returning her gaze to you.

“But you don’t seem as excited about it as before, am I doing something wrong?” Her lips formed into a pout that she tried to hide, only to be exposed as you brought her face to meet yours.

“No, that’s not it at all. I’m so sorry, bear, I’ve been so stressed over work, and with the holidays coming up, I guess I’ve been neglecting you as a result. I’m so sorry, it was never my intent to hurt you.” She relished in the fact that the truth was now out and she could be at ease, but she felt saddened at your reaction. She didn’t want to hurt you, but now you were the one with a heavy heart.

“No, it’s okay! I- I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t doing something wrong, I’m not mad at you.” You rubbed her sides gently, taking the seat next to her as you wrapped your arm around her small frame. She rested her head on your shoulder out of instinct.

“You did so well tonight, I think I’m going to hang those photos up on the fridge so I’ll always be reminded of how talented you are.” Her legs rested on top of yours as she kissed your cheek in appreciation. You chuckled, doing the same to her while your hand rested on her thigh. You inched further, watching her shuffle impossibly closer to you as a result.

“You know what I think? I think that my girl deserves a little reward for just how well she did.” Your thumb made contact with her tip, the action bringing a shiver throughout Nat’s body. She grinned through a bitten lip, her cheeks turning a shade of red as you removed the skin from her teeth.

“You need to stop that, baby, you know I don’t like it.” She rushed a quick apology before a small gasp left her. She removed the towel from her lower half, only to see your hand now wrapped around her length, stroking a continued motion slowly.

“M- Mommy, that feels really nice.” You hummed, your eyes falling to the area of attention. You removed your hand, causing a whine of disapproval from your girlfriend. You shushed her, guiding her to lay on her back as she spotted her stuffed animal. It was a plush dinosaur that you got her years ago, she still cherished it. You pressed a kiss to her forehead before doing the same to the soft creature in her arms.

“Close your eyes, I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” She questioned when you stood in front of the door. You turned to look at her as you removed your shirt, exposing the black bra to her eyesight. They widened, her cock hardening even further before you closed the door behind you. She tried to follow your orders of sitting tight and closing her eyes, but the anticipation was so high. She wanted to know what you were doing, she wanted to feel your touch again. Her palm lowered down her body without realization, and she couldn’t hold back the whimper as she brushed over her balls. They were so sensitive, but you always said that was your favorite part about them.

“Natty, baby? Are your eyes closed?” She retracted her hand instantly, hoping you wouldn’t get a glance at her antics. You were never one for letting her touch herself, she suspected that wasn’t going to change tonight.

“Yup!” She heard the door squeak and had to fight the urge to look, but she remained how you wanted her, and she knew that pleased you when she heard small cooing.

“Aren’t you just the cutest little girl ever? Mommy is so, so lucky to have you, bear.” You ran your cool hands against her nipples, resulting in the buds hardening. She stifled a moan as you went lower, your fingers tracing over the same area she had just teased. She hoped you couldn’t tell, she never knew how but you seemed to know everything, especially when it came to her.

“I could just…eat you up!” Your hand enclosed around her cock, creating the same movements as you started earlier. She was grateful to have the return of your touch, but it wasn’t quite enough. Her hips thrusted with every stroke, her desperation being made clear to anyone who could see her.

“Oh, did you need something?” She whimpered when you came to a halt, your thumb collecting the pre cum from her drooling tip. You rubbed it over her bottom lip, letting her get a taste of the sweet nectar you grew addicted to.

“You, I…I want you.”

“But you have me, don’t you?” Your condescending tone brought her to quiver in excitement and fear.

“I need to be in you, Mommy…please?” You crooned, hovering over her length and letting the head tease your folds. You moaned, rubbing your clit in small circles. You continued until she couldn’t bear it anymore and finally let yourself soak in the pleasure, and allowing her to feel your warm walls clenching around her.

“Fuck, my little girl is so big, can barely even fit.” You groaned, interlacing your fingertips with hers. She seemed content with the praise and let her hips follow your movements, hoping she was doing it correctly in order to make you feel good, but that was quickly proven by your high-pitched moans.

“Right- right there- ah! Don’t stop, baby, don’t you dare fucking stop!” You leaned your face down, admiring the fact that she continued to comply to your request even in a state of such arousal.

“You can open your eyes now, bear.” She fluttered them open, blinking twice as she came to register the sight in front of her. The mask covered your face, the black paint looking into her eyes and she suddenly felt like someone else. She was no longer the killer, she was the victim.

“You like the mask? Yeah? Good, I was hoping you’d say that.” Your pants caused your chest to heave, your breasts bouncing in her face as a result. She removed a hand from yours, using her digits to caress the soft peaks before wrapping her lips around one, then switching to the other. The coil in her stomach tightened with each clench and each thrust, her eyes squeezing shut as she forced herself to slow down.

“Don’t hold back, bear, I want to feel your cum so deep inside of me.” She looked at you one more time for permission, using your short nod as approval to let go. Her teeth bit down gently as a result, causing you to hiss as she hurried to explain herself. You cut her off before she could speak, and she found herself unable to do so as she painted your walls white. You let her ride out her high, finding yourself unable to care for the orgasm you threatened yourself into having. It was cut short, and Nat wasn’t going to allow that.

“Mommy-”

“Shh, shh, don’t worry about me, just fill Mommy’s pussy.” Your tight hole greedily accepted her, and your womb greedily accepted her seed. You felt so full, but you were nowhere near done.

“You see this?” You pointed the knife in front of her, she gulped in fear before it led into hunger. You led the weapon to your chest as you leaned back, drawing it from the bottom of the mask to your lower waist. You grasped her palm, placing the knife in her hand as you allowed her to sit up. When doing so, her cock maneuvered inside of you, bringing a shudder of pleasure from both of you.

“I want you to mark me, baby. I want every single fucking soul to know exactly who’s Mommy I am.” She smiled, letting the object slowly and barely seep into you, it was just enough to leave a mark but nowhere near as bad to injure you greatly.

“And I want you to tell me while you write just how much of a good girl you are, and just how much Mommy loves their little bear.” You pet her head, rolling your eyes to the back of your head as she continued. You felt your hips threatening to repeat from earlier but held off until she finished.

“There, all done.” ‘Owner of Natty Bear’ was sloppily written on your skin, the blood dripping down your side as you praised the younger female.

“Mm, you did so good, Princess. Now, I think Mommy deserves a little treat, as well, yeah?” She nodded happily. “Alright, lay down, Mommy’s going to ride that cute face.”

[lowgothree]

008. ༺AND I LOVE HER༻∘

a/n: it's been a minute sorry y'all i had no energy to write lmao 😭😭

summary: after getting unexpectedly left by your roommate, you find yourself in need of a replacement.

contents: paige is down bad. rushed (sorry).

previous. next. masterlist.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

she was wearing paige’s hoodie. smiling up at her from where she sat. on the edge of her bed, legs dangling off the side. olivia tilted her head to the side, watching as paige walked up to the bed in front of her. 

paige was smiling too but it felt more forced cautious. olivia hasn’t been this way since they first got together. paige missed it desperately but now that she had it back it felt…disappointing. 

when paige left you, she went straight to olivia’s place. for closure, is what she told herself but she knew the truth. so did you. she was running. back to what she knows, away from something new that made her feel something she never had. back to olivia. the blonde didn’t quite know what to expect but she didn’t expect what she got. olivia apologized immediately, which was already enough to shock paige but then she took the time to listen to all of paige’s concerns and then shared her own. it was too late mature and necessary and overdue.

“do you wanna watch a movie?” olivia’s voice is pure honey, sweet and thick. she reaches for paige’s hand, and paige lets her grab it but is almost repulsed by the touch. she forced herself to relax into the feeling of olivia’s skin on her own, but she couldn’t help but compare it to yours. 

do you wanna watch a movie…a simple task that she couldn’t bring herself to agree to. it’s something she used to do with you. even before olivia ended things with her. that was something for the two of you. doing it with olivia now felt like betrayal and it made paige shake her head. “no, i’m tired. can we just lay together?”

olivia smiles impossibly brighter and it makes paige’s heart sink –– guilt eating her alive from the inside out, bones and all. she pulls the blonde onto the bed beside her and takes paige’s arm and wraps it around her own waist. 

“i really did miss you…” olivia whispers, bringing a hand up to caress paige’s cheek. 

the blonde smiles slightly, opening up her mouth to say something unconvincing. “me too.”

olivia chuckles shyly. “that’s it?”

“what?”

olivia sighs and bites her lip. “is something wrong? you’re being weird…”

paige couldn’t deny it. it’s true. she couldn’t get out of her head. she didn’t want to. she wanted to stay in her head forever to avoid the problem. the thoughts of you. but she couldn’t exactly admit that she can’t stop thinking about you either…so she lies through her teeth. “no, babe…nothing’s wrong.”

olivia doesn’t pry which paige is grateful for, she simply lets her thumb rub the blonde’s cheek more. “i really want this to be different this time.”

“yeah, so do i –– ”

“no, i’m serious –– i know that our relationship was very rocky in the past and I know that I have jealousy issues. and commitment issues. and anger issues.” olivia rambles, staring 

paige’s whole face pools in confusion at olivia’s words. what the hell? “...olivia?”

“no…hear me out, okay?” she clears her throat. “i want to work on all of that..with you.”

the confusion is still prominent on paige’s face as she blinks at the girl in front of her. 

“god, i’m so bad at this.” she sighs, clearing her throat again. “i’m trying to ask you to be my girlfriend. officially.”

the blonde’s mouth becomes dry, her heart beating so hard she can hear it. the entire room goes quiet and she opens and closes her mouth a few times. this is all paige has wanted to hear from her. for so long. this was all she wanted. but it doesn’t make her happy like it should. she feels nothing but unwavering guilt. 

“i can’t.” paige sits up abruptly, feeling like she as olivia’s jaw drops. “i’m sorry…i can’t.”

“what?” 

“i slept with her.”

she isn’t sure why she chose right now to tell olivia that but it’s the only thing that came to mind. olivia was finally willing to give paige all she wanted but all she could think about was you.

“your roommate?” olivia sighed defeatedly.

“yes.”

the silence is palpable. extremely awkward. 

“it’s okay. we weren’t together…and you only did that cause i left you, right? i forgive you. we can be happy now.” 

paige sighs, this was way harder than she wanted it to be. “no…i –– i can’t be with you. i’m sorry. i can’t stop thinking about her and –– “

“what?” olivia puts her hand on paige’s arm but the blonde just shakes it off. “we can work through it…”

“no..i love her.”

FROM: SEAN

I bet you miss tina, huh? 

TO: SEAN

you’re awful

so very awful

FROM: SEAN

I know

I’m sorry

I’ll buy you lunch?

TO: SEAN

forgiven

FROM: SEAN

she hasn’t been home at all

TO: SEAN

nah she’s too busy with olivia

FROM: SEAN

Booooooo

TO: SEAN

exactly

FROM: SEAN

Do you want me to come over later?

TO: SEAN

no

it’s okay

i need to get my shit together 😭

you ended things off with ellie before they even really started, you didn’t wanna use her as a rebound. she understood, she wished you the best in your departure. now, you were just laying in bed. contemplating life. 

then there’s a knock on the door that makes you pause and drop your phone. who the hell –– ? 

you walk to the door, checking the peephole and freezing when you see her. you open the door, staring at her in shock. 

“hi…” paige looks nervous. very nervous.

“what are you doing here?” you scoff. “things didn’t work out with olivia?”

“no, actually…it was great.” paige shifts awkwardly on her heels. “she’s been great. we haven’t argued, she apologized for all the shit we put each other through. she even asked me to be her girlfriend.”

you blink up at her in confusion. that’s everything paige wanted from her. everything. “so what’s the problem?”

“she…” paige shakes her head, biting her lip and shoving her hands into the pockets of her hoodies. she looks so vulnerable. so desperate, guilty, and shameful. it makes your palms sweat. you almost don’t want her to answer your question, you almost shut the door in her face just to calm your rapidly beating heart. but you don’t. you can’t. 

“she isn’t you.”

[staytheword]

clear skies

clear skies — one shot sequel of falling rain [ masterlist ] 

— bang chan x female reader. also features han jisung, lee know, yeji (itzy), and san (ateez).

— non idol au. friends to lovers. mutual pining, idiots in love, fluff, angst, drinking, explicit language, explicit smut, a lot of discussion around break-ups, closure, healing, etc. smut warnings (spoilers) — oral sex (m receiving), protected sex, some dirty talk, no major warnings.

— word count: 6.8k

— !! please consider reading falling rain before reading this, as it is a direct sequel and I fear it will make much less sense without the first part :') ♡

You and Chan are friends. Maybe a little more than that, after your night together. You find yourself healing, really healing, until your ex makes you question everything.

You knock on the door of apartment 6, nervously biting your lip. A few seconds later, it opens on Jisung. He looks like he just got out of bed although it’s early afternoon, which wouldn’t be surprising considering what you know of his sleeping schedule. 

“Y/N,” he smiles. “We don’t often see you around here. What’s up?” 

You show him the bag you’re holding. 

“Chan told me he was sick. I brought him some stuff.” 

Jisung gives you a long look but he opens the door so you can come in. You enter the apartment, taking a curious look around. You’ve only been here for parties, and nothing looks the same in the dark. In the direct sunlight of the afternoon, and without all the people, it feels like a whole different place. 

“Yeah, he told me he caught a cold,” Jisung says, hiding a yawn behind his hand. “No idea how.” 

“It’s been raining pretty bad these days,” you shrug. 

Jisung nods, still looking at you suspiciously. You do your best not to act differently than you do, hoping your friend isn’t as good at reading you as Chan is. Because you have no idea if Jisung knows about what happened. You haven’t told anyone yet, although you’re planning to spill everything to Yeji soon. You’re not sure how Chan feels about the other night - you’re not sure how you feel about the other night. 

But when he told you he was sick - because of you and the scene you made under the rain - you couldn’t just stay home. You had to make it up to him. So you got him soup from his favorite place, as well as a few snacks. 

“He’s in his room,” Jisung says eventually. 

“Thanks, Ji.”

“Sure. I’ll be here if you need me.” 

He gestures towards the couch, and you give him a smile. As you walk away, you see him hit the controller, and the show on the television starts playing again - although from what you can feel on your back, he’s staring at you. 

You knock on Chan’s door and a tired voice tells you to come in. 

He’s laying on his bed, half sitting up, playing on his Switch. His hair is a mess, and so is his room, but you don’t mind. All you see are his red nose, his chapped lips, the hazy look in his eyes. 

“Oh, Chan,” you sigh, and he chuckles. 

“I look that bad, yeah?”

His nasal voice clearly shows he’s sick, and you pout, closing the door behind you. 

“You didn’t have to come all the way here,” he says.

“I wanted to. I brought you a few things.” 

You sit on the bed next to him, opening the bag and taking out what you know are his favorite snacks, placing them on the desk close by. 

“And also this,” you tell him, removing the bowl of soup. 

As he recognizes the restaurant name on the lid, his eyes light up. One of his favorites. 

“Ohh. Ohhh.” 

“Thought that might make you feel better. Eat, while it’s still warm.” 

He giggles excitedly, his Switch abandoned next to him, and he sits upright, carefully taking the bowl in his hands. You just watch him as he takes his first spoonful, closing his eyes to savor the taste. 

“I think I’m cured,” he says with a laugh.

You smile affectionately, relieved to see he’s not too sick to eat. As your eyes linger on his face, you realize you can’t really stay. You have no reason to, after all. You look down at your hands. 

“Ji was highly suspicious of my visit,” you tell Chan. 

He frowns. “What did he say?” 

“Nothing,” you sigh. “But it was obvious.” 

“Well…” Chan swallows. “I didn’t tell him, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

You nod, but you’re not sure what to answer. You don’t know if you’re happy about that or not. 

“I’ve been too sick, didn’t feel right,” he explains, keeping his eyes on you. Despite their glassiness, you read them well. “Should I have?” 

“No,” you answer. “I mean - not if you didn’t want to. Of course not.” 

“Did you tell anyone?”

“No,” you say, looking up at him. “I want to tell Yeji, though. Is that okay?” 

He smiles. 

“Of course. I don’t want you to feel like it has to be a secret.” 

You sigh in relief. “I agree. It’s just… Some might not understand.” 

“We don’t have to tell everyone,” Chan shrugs. “We’re still friends, right? That doesn’t change.” 

You blink. 

Just you and me.

Just you and me tonight. 

“We are,” you smile, and you believe it. 

That night, Chan made you feel seen like you never had before. A part of you wonders if it means you have fallen in love. But as you sit next to him, looking at him eating his soup so excitedly, you realize it’s not. What you shared is special - and you told each other things that did matter, and that did change your relationship. But you are still yourselves. You don’t want to bury yourself in doubt. Not now. There are still things you need to figure out about yourself and what you want. 

You need to find yourself first so you can honor him. 

So you can love him like he should be loved. 

Maybe Chan can fall in love with you.

Maybe you can fall in love with him. 

For now, you are friends. 

A little more than that. 

But it’s still enough.

“So, yeah. We had sex.” 

Yeji gasps, putting a hand over her mouth. Despite the gesture, she does not seem that surprised, and you arch an eyebrow at her. 

“I mean -” she stammers. “It’s not that I’m not surprised, I’m just - well -” 

You let out a chuckle. “C’mon, spit it out.” 

She sighs. “I guess I just expected it to happen some day.” 

You take your mug in your hand, lifting it to your lips. The cafe is quiet tonight - it’s a weeknight, so the only people there are students catching up on studying and people talking casually. You adore this place - it’s close to your apartment, the coffee is good, and it’s never too busy. Yeji and you regularly meet up there for a pastry or a latte, as you are tonight. 

“So you knew, huh?” 

“Knew what?” 

“That he had a crush on me.” 

She shakes her head as you take a sip from your latte. Her hair is tied into a long braid today, and although she looks tired from work, she still manages to look breathtaking. That’s just Yeji. 

“No. I didn’t - not for sure,” she smiles. “I just had a feeling. Neither of you are really good at hiding how you feel.” 

You sigh, putting down the mug. “I guess you’re right about that.” 

She gives you a sweet smile. 

“So how was it?” 

“The sex?” When she nods, your smile can’t help but widen. “It was good. Really good.” 

“Really good, huh?” she giggles.

“Really good.” 

You keep laughing, and you indulge her when she asks for details. You have nothing to hide, anyway - you know you need to open yourself up to people, and with Yeji it’s always been easy and mutual. That’s something you learned, sometimes at a bitter cost. It’s all right to give to people, as long as they do the same. Throwing pieces of you into the void - that’s how you lose yourself. 

“I’m so glad, Y/N,” she says, putting her hand on yours. “You look good.” 

“I feel a little better. And it’s not even just Chan, you know. I think… In a way, I think I’m relieved, actually. About San.” 

Yeji gives you the time to measure the words on your tongue. You think about your ex, the one who loved you, the one who hurt you, and all the things in between.

“He has someone. He’s moved on. I can too. To see him heal - it helps me.” 

You’re not even lying. 

It’s not that everything is perfect again - of course it isn’t. But you’re putting the pieces of yourself back together, slowly. Learning to love again - yourself and others. 

It’s been about a week since Chan spent the night at your place. Since then, you’ve seen each other a few times, sometimes just the two of you, sometimes with others. When he recovered from his cold you went for brunch. To see a movie. You spent a night at the boys’ apartment to play board games. 

You haven’t slept together again. A part of you wants to, but you’re not interested in forcing it. The only time you almost did was back at his place, but Jisung and Minho had both been there, yelling nonsense in the living room. Not the most romantic background music. So you just held each other tight, exchanged a few kisses. Chan played with your hair. You put your hand on his chest to feel him breathe. 

You and Yeji talk some more, and then you decide to head back home, as you’re both working early the next day. After a hug, you give her a smile. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow night? At the party?” 

She gives you a surprised look. “You’re coming?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Honey…” She frowns. “You know San and his girlfriend will be there, right?” 

You nod. 

“I know. That’s all right.” 

She smiles, puts a hand against your cheek. “Healing looks good on you.” 

It’s one of the kindest things anyone has ever told you.

Healing is a complicated thing. 

Healing takes time, and healing is never a straight line. 

One moment you’ll feel you can take anything, and the next the ground shifts from under you and you collapse. 

You thought you’d be strong enough. 

You’re not. 

“I miss you,” San says, not even able to look at you. “I know it’s a shitty thing to say, I know I’ve been a dick, but… it’s the truth.” 

You did not expect this. 

You did not expect this at all.

You thought San was over you. But now, here he is, looking tired and anxious, telling you he’s broken up with his girlfriend because something didn’t feel right. Because he missed something. You. 

“I…” you stammer. “I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t have to say anything,” he breathes out. He’s tipsy, you know him well enough for that. His body sways a little as he shrugs. “I just wanted you to know.” 

“O-okay.” 

And just like that, like he hasn’t just dropped a rock in your throat, like he hasn’t just set off a bomb in your chest, he walks away. You stare at the back of his head, your fingers squeezing the bottle of beer in your hand. You’re glad it’s made of thicker glass, that it won’t crush under the pressure. Still, it feels brittle. 

You arrived at the party more than an hour ago, and you’ve been having a good time. You played a drinking game of cards, danced with Jeongin and Lily, flirted with Chan. The two of you are not together - but you’re not not together either. The night was going so well you barely noticed that San was not accompanied like he was supposed to be. He avoided you up until minutes ago, asking you if he could talk. Now you stand in the backyard, looking up at the night sky and wondering how your legs will be able to carry you home. 

You wish it would start raining. That would make more sense than the tears on your cheeks. 

You frown, shaking your head. You’ve been doing so well. Your heart was repairing itself, helped by Chan’s smile, by the strength you found in yourself through his eyes. After so much time in a relationship, you are actually enjoying some time on your own, even if a part of you belongs to Chan. He’s respecting the distance you need, never too close but never far. You like Chan. A lot. 

San misses you. 

You miss him too. 

Do you want him back? 

It would be so simple to fall back into it. Like letting your body float in safe waters, the current sweeping you away. Easing back into the comfort you had built together. But you can’t. You don’t love San anymore. He doesn’t love you anymore either. He’s just confused. He’s processing things in a different order from you. 

Right? 

Still, it would be so easy. 

“Y/N?” 

You turn around at the sound of Chan’s voice. It feels like a familiar song in the middle of a cacophony. He brings you back to that night, your limbs entangled on the couch, his chest moving up and down as he slept next to you. Being with Chan feels easy too, but it is more than that - it feels right. 

It also feels terrifying.

“Are you crying?” he frowns. 

You shake your head. “A little. It’s okay. It’s nothing bad.” 

“I just saw San walk away,” Chan says tensely. 

You can feel him getting angry, so you put a hand on his arm, trying to gather the right words. 

Chan sighs. “What did he say to you?” 

“Chan, please,” you breathe out. “Calm down.” 

“I just don’t want him to hurt you again -” 

“He misses me,” you interrupt him, meeting his gaze. Chan stops and looks at you. You can’t quite read his expression. “That’s what he told me. That he missed me. He broke up with the girl because of it.” 

Chan pushes his fingers against his temple. “That fucking asshole…” 

“Chan -” 

“No, Y/N.” It’s his time to interrupt you and you freeze on the spot. “I know what you will say, but that still doesn’t make it okay. He shouldn’t put this burden on you. Whatever his process is, it’s not fair to pull you in and out of it like he is.” 

Your mouth is dry. “I…” You don't even know what you want to say. 

“Please,” Chan says, taking your hand in his. The warmth it spreads on your fingers makes you realize how cold you are. “Don’t let him in.” 

His eyes are dark oceans you want to fall into. He looks so handsome, with his hair dancing in the breeze, his sharp jaw that you want to kiss. Those lips that were everywhere on you that night. Those fingers that held you tight. 

The pang of longing that passes through you makes you dizzy and you take a step back, removing your hand from his. You close your eyes, trying to steady your breathing. This is a lot. This is too much. Your lungs burn and your heart is being torn apart.

What you want. What you need. What you can’t help but miss. 

“Y/N?” Chan asks so delicately it feels like a caress. 

You shake your head, holding a palm up, not even able to look at him. “I- I’m sorry. This is just a lot. I… I need to think, I…”  

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” he says. “I’ll give you space. Do you want me to get Yeji, or anyone else?” 

You nod. “Yeji’s good.” 

“Ok. Ok. Stay there.” 

You let Chan walk away, and once you can’t hear his footsteps, you let your knees buckle. You collapse on the grass, bringing your legs against your body, the bottle of beer hanging pathetically from your fingers. 

You don’t know anything anymore. 

You’re mad. Sad. Confused. Torn. 

You look up at the sky, empty of clouds. There’s just nothingness there.

Why can’t it rain for once?

It’s been a few days since the party. Or you think it has. Time has been tricky, lately, twisting and turning in ways you didn’t expect it too. Days feel like seconds. Hours feel like weeks. 

Your head is laying on Yeji’s lap. She’s braiding it, the both of you watching your favorite show. You’ve seen these episodes a dozen times but you don’t care. It’s just so there’s noise instead of the deafening silence. Something to look at instead of the abysmal nothingness. Yeji made you sure you ate something. 

You’re going backwards.

A descent.

A regression.

Yeji calls it a bump in the road, but it doesn’t feel like a bump. It feels like a black hole sucking you in, tearing you apart at the seams. 

Chan is on your mind. His kindness, his eyes that understand you better than anyone does. San is on your mind. His comforting arms, his familiarity. You don’t know what to do. You feel stuck. You want to listen to your heart, but it has remained silent, like it wants you to make the decision. 

For now you have shut yourself off. You don’t answer anyone, except for Yeji. But then again, she forced the lock, sat you down and said, cry. Scream. Punch someone. I don’t care, but do something. You did all of those things. You cried, you screamed, and, well - you punched your pillow. 

Everything felt right. Now everything feels blurry. 

It was so hard to get yourself back on track, and now that you’ve derailed, you feel worse than before. It’s so stupid, too. They’re just boys. 

That’s what Yeji told you - and she’s terribly right. You can’t allow yourself to feel like this for boys. And yet you can’t shake the lethargy. So you decide to give yourself the time. Figure things out.

You owe it to the both of them.

Chan. San. 

Whatever the truth is, they deserve it. 

Yeji’s phone vibrates on the table in front of you and you sit up to let her answer it. Your eyes unconsciously fall on the screen, and you see Chan’s name. Your chest tightens and you look away. Yeji squeezes your hand.

“What’s up, Chan?” she answers. 

You can discern his voice, not what he says, and you try not to stare. Instead you grab the mug of tea you’ve barely touched and take a sip. It’s lukewarm. 

“I’m good,” Yeji says. “Just watching tv.” She pauses. “Y/N?” 

Your heart drops at the bottom of your stomach and you look up at your friend. You shake your head. 

“Yeah, she’s here,” Yeji continues. “But she’s asleep.” You smile faintly at her as a thank you. “Yeah, I’ll tell her you called. Okay. See you soon.” 

She hangs up, putting down the phone, and you wince. “Sorry you had to lie because of me.” 

“That’s okay, honey. I just…” She hesitates, but you nod, encouraging her to speak her mind. You need her to. “You know you can talk to Chan, right? He’s your friend, first and foremost. Whatever happened between you, whatever the feelings… He’ll listen. He cares.”

“I know,” you say faintly, playing with the blanket on your knees. “I just don’t even know what I would say. And if I see him… I’ll just get more confused.” 

Because Chan is a dream guy - handsome and kind, with the cutest smile. Because Chan will remind you of what happened that night, of the way he held you, of the way he made you shiver. 

Yeji smiles softly. “I understand. I just wanted to remind you.” 

“Thank you. I’ll try to text him later. I have to answer San, too, he messaged me like two days ago…” 

A sudden surge of anxiety overtakes you, and you breathe out. Yeji puts a hand on your leg. “Breathe, Y/N. One thing at a time.” 

“A part of me just wants to say, fuck it, I’m just going to be single, you know?” you chuckle, feeling the tears at the corners of your eyes. “I don’t need anyone. I’ll give myself time to heal. But when I tell myself that, then… I feel so empty. Like I’m making a terrible mistake.” 

You shrug. 

“The worst part is, I already know what I want,” you whisper. Chan. Chan. Chan. “But the past won’t let me go.” 

“The past doesn’t control you,” Yeji breathes, giving you a smile. “You control what hold it has on you. You have to let it go.” 

You wipe the tears from your eyes. “But what if letting San go is a mistake?”

“I think you already know the answer to that question,” Yeji tells you. “Missing someone doesn’t mean you still love them, or that you’re right for each other. It just means you care. It just means what you had was real - and moving on from it doesn’t take that away.” 

You breathe in slowly, giving your friend a tight hug. 

The skies will clear. 

And even if they don’t, the rain really isn’t that bad. 

Rain is cold, rain is heavy. But rain is a thing of beauty.

You hear the door close behind you and you pause. The relief is spreading through your body. The knots, untangled. The wounds, soothed. This will scar - but it will heal. It already is. 

A part of you can’t help it - you turn around to glance at the closed door. Apartment 2B. You spent so much time there, loving San, being loved by him. It felt right to return there to have the conversation you needed to have. Both of you, sober, calm, ready. I miss you too, you told him. But we don’t love each other anymore, and we have to let each other go. 

I know, San nodded. Or I’ll learn to know. He smiled then. You were always the strongest of us. 

You’re not sure it’s true, but you’ll accept it. Strength is something you have, strength is something you grow. It’s not constant. It’s not even logical. Even strength can break. Even strength can be weak. 

You leave the apartment building. Poetically, the rain from earlier has ceased. It still hangs in the air, hazy, leaving the streets wet. As you walk, you watch droplets fall from the tree leaves, distorted visions of the city and sky in puddles. Your umbrella is useless in your hand, still dripping from earlier. You spin it a little in your hands, making the water trapped in it dance. 

You know exactly what you will do next. 

Your next destination is not exactly close but you enjoy the long walk. The sky has gotten dark, your cheeks are a little red, and your heart is spinning. But you know this is what you have to do. You know it’s what you want to do. 

Once again, it’s Jisung that answers the door. When he sees you, he smiles playfully. 

“You’re around here a lot these days, Y/N. I wonder why.” 

You shake your head with an amused smile, refusing to encourage him. “And you’re too curious for your own good, Han Jisung. Is -” 

“Chan here?” he finishes, his grin widening. “Come in.” 

You nudge him by the elbow as he closes the door behind you, following him to the living room. You find Chan there with Minho, holding controllers, the coffee table covered in beer bottles and snacks. Jisung sits back down, pushing Chan’s hoodie back to reveal a chaos of brown curls. 

“It’s for you, lover boy.” 

Minho gives you a wave as he drinks a sip of beer, his eyes not leaving the television screen. Chan, however, looks up at you with wide eyes.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” 

You fidget a little, pulling on the sleeves of your jacket. “I wanted to talk to you. Do you have time?” 

“Y-yeah, of course…” Chan answers. He puts down the controller, standing up to meet you. Behind him, Jisung follows your conversation, not trying to be subtle in the slightest. “Is everything okay?” Chan adds in a whisper. 

You nod and smile reassuringly. “Yeah. Do you want to take a walk, maybe?” You are a bit tired from walking all the way here, but you’re not sure you want to do this inside. 

“Isn’t it raining?” Chan frowns. 

“It’s stopped,” you say, and Chan smiles. 

“Let me get my shoes.” 

You tell him to take his time, but Chan only heads towards the door and slips on his sneakers. You wave at Jisung and Minho, who you realize are now both staring at you suspiciously. 

“Ignore them,” Chan chuckles, putting a hand on your shoulder to guide you outside the door. 

The wind has picked up a little but it’s still not cold. You keep your hands in the pockets of your jacket, walking alongside Chan, who looks up at the now pitch black sky. There’s not much to see up there except the deep darkness - but perhaps Chan sees something you don’t. It wouldn’t be the first time. 

You walk for a minute or two, heading away from the busy street into a nearby residential neighborhood. It’s packed with huge houses, large lawns, neatly kept trees looming over your heads. Once in a while you feel a drop of rain fall on your head or your shoulders, but you don’t mind. 

“I’m just coming back from San’s,” you tell Chan, breaking the silence. You know he was waiting for you to speak first - giving you the time to find your words. 

He glances at you, looking concerned. “Oh?” 

“I felt we needed to have a conversation,” you nod. “I did a lot of thinking since the party and I just wanted him to know how I felt.” 

Chan breathes out. “How did it go?” 

“Good,” you smile. “I told him I missed him too.” You give Chan a look, but he’s staring ahead of him, lips closed, his hands behind his back. “But that it is over between him and me.”

Chan looks at you then. Is that pride in his eyes? 

“I didn’t mean to push you away,” you breathe. “That night at the party. And recently, not answering your calls. I just… I really needed to think.” 

“I know, love,” he says. The nickname tugs at your heart. You can’t ever get tired of hearing him call you that. “I never held it against you.” 

“And then I didn’t really talk to you, and -” 

“You needed to figure things out,” Chan softly interrupts. “You don’t have to apologize for that. You shouldn’t, even.” 

“But still. Things were good between us, and I’m scared I ruined everything,” you finally admit with a shrug, looking down at your feet.

Chan stops, taking you gently by the arm so you face him. He’s smiling, full lips curved upwards, his black clothes looking so cozy you wish you could cuddle up against him. 

“You didn’t ruin anything,” he frowns. “I mean, I don’t want to assume that there was anything between us, or that you have to -” 

“I like you.” It’s your turn to interrupt him. “I like you a lot, Chan.” 

He looks at you, and you let yourself get lost in his eyes. 

“You make me feel safe, and I have fun with you, and you get me. And if it’s something you want too, then I’d like to see where this could get us.” 

It feels good to let it off your chest - but it’s also much easier than you would have thought. You really mean it, you realize. Every word. Exploring a future with Chan is something you want, something your heart feels at peace about. 

You realize he still hasn’t spoken - but you’re not defeated by it. You just keep looking at him, smiling gently. 

“Please don’t feel like you have to answer now,” you whisper. 

He shakes his head and speaks in a whisper. “I’m just taking it in.” 

“What?” 

“You, telling me you like me back.” 

You blink in slight disbelief, letting out a laugh. You push your index against his chest. “You’re such a romantic, Bang Chan.” 

“Yeah, I am,” he laughs wholeheartedly, bringing you into his arms. You settle your cheek against his chest, your arms around him. He places a kiss on your hair, nodding to himself. “You better get used to it.” 

You stay like this for a minute, just breathing each other in, the wind swaying around you. You’re in Chan’s arms. He breathes alongside you. Your heart feels calm. Your heart feels free. 

“You know what I feel about you. It hasn’t changed. So can I take you on a real date now?” he asks, his fingers sliding in your hair, sending shivers through your entire body. 

You nod. “On one condition.” 

He leans back, finding your eyes. “Hm?” 

“Kiss me,” you breathe. 

He just grins, light shining in his eyes. His lips meet yours, delicately and lovingly, as if he wants to savor every second. You can believe it, because it’s the same for you. It’s a slow kiss, the kind that lasts for a lifetime, the kind you can’t ever forget. He tastes like trust, like the softest light, like rain that falls exactly at the right time.

You kiss for a long time, until your lips feel swollen, until your mouth is dry. Chan pushes his forehead against yours, stroking your cheek.

“How about we go home and get you warm?” 

You look up at him, your eyes twinkling in adoration. “Will you keep holding me?” 

He smiles. “I’ll never let go.”

Chan and you find the front door locked. He unlocks it, stepping inside an empty apartment. The bottles and snacks are still on the table, but the television is turned off and Jisung and Minho are nowhere to be seen. 

You remove your shoes, following Chan in the kitchen, where you find a note scribbled onto an old take out receipt. Out for drinks. Enjoy the empty apartment. 

Chan chuckles. “I guess they know.” 

You smile, wrapping your arms around Chan from behind. “I think Ji’s had his suspicions since I brought you soup.” 

“That was good soup.” 

He turns around, placing his hands on your waist, pulling you closer. Your hips almost meet his, making you feel a little dizzy. You place your palms against his chest, resisting the urge to slide them under his hoodie to feel his skin. 

“So…” you smile. 

“So,” he repeats with a chuckle. “What do you want to do?”  

You bite your lip, blushing slightly. 

“You want to… enjoy the empty apartment?” Chan suggests. You like his confidence, although you notice that his ears are bright red. 

You nod, stealing him a kiss. “I just want you.” 

He hums against your lips, his fingers digging into your skin. You take another step forward, decidedly pushing your hips on his, wrapping your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. Chan tilts his head, his mouth seeking yours, and you can feel him parting your lips slowly. He doesn’t want to insist, but you let him, your tongue meeting his. Instinctively you arch your back, your fingers brushing the back of his neck. 

“I’ve been craving you so much,” Chan whispers. “I just want to feel you around me again.” 

You clench at his words, letting out a small moan that gets lost in his mouth. “Fuck, Chan…” 

“I want to make you feel good,” he breathes, kissing you again, and you can feel his length harden against your stomach. “Will you let me, love?” 

“Please touch me, Chan, I missed you so much…”

Just like that, he picks you up, and you wrap your legs around his waist. He starts to walk, never ceasing to kiss you, as he brings you to his bedroom. Once you’re there, he pushes the door closed, and lays you down carefully on the mattress. He’s warm, his muscular thighs pushing yours apart so he can settle between them. Leaning down to kiss you again, your head falling against the pillow, he grinds his crotch against you - and you can feel your walls throb. 

There are too many layers of clothing to your liking, so you tug at his hoodie and Chan understands the signal. He removes it and his t-shirt in one movement, letting you touch his chest freely. His jeans hang low on his waist, so you trace his abdominal muscles, let your fingers wander on his back. 

Your clothes are next, Chan kissing you all the while he removes them. Soon you are naked under him, one of Chan’s hands holding your breasts, brushing the back of his thumb on the nipple. You shudder, Chan leaning down to swirl his tongue around it, sending waves of pleasure through you.

But there’s something you want. Something that you’ve wanted to do, something you’ve been thinking about. “Chan -” 

“Yes, love?” he whispers, coming back to kiss your neck, his tongue leaving wet trails on your skin. 

“I want to taste you,” you breathe, and he looks up to meet your eyes. You stroke his hair, feeling a little shy. “Please, I can’t stop thinking about it…” 

Chan closes his eyes. “Fuck, I almost came just hearing you say that.” 

You both chuckle, sharing a feverish kiss. You sit up, moving positions so that Chan is the one laying down under you. His eyes are darker than ever, his lips swollen from the kissing. You can’t get enough of him, feeling almost drunk as you leave a trail of kisses down his chest, unbuttoning his shorts and lowering them. His cock bounces free, already hard, but you remove his clothes completely before you come back to take it in your hand. Chan sits up a little, leaning against his pillows, and he’s able to look at you. Gently, you palm his length, moving your hand up and down. Your thumb rolls around his tip, spreading the pre-cum there, and Chan grunts at your gesture. 

His fingers hold your hair back, his eyes never leaving your face as you slowly jerk him off, loving the way his cock pulsates around your fingers. In fact you are clenching around nothing, aching for pressure. But for now you want to take care of him - you want to show him just how much he means to you, how eager you are for him. 

You flick your tongue at the tip of his cock and Chan lets out a low groan, pushing his head back into the pillows. You smile softly, wrapping your lips around him, his moans dancing to your ears as you start to bob your head up and down. You suck him slow, teasing him with your tongue at the same time, attentive to the sounds he makes. Sometimes he twitches a little, or his fingers will slightly pull at your hair, and you know you’re doing something good. 

Your fingers leave his base when you try to take him as deep as you can in your mouth, feeling your lips stretch, saliva and pre-cum coating his cock. 

“F-fuck - Y/N - fuck, that feels good…” 

A single hum escapes your lips, but you do not stop blowing him, perhaps taking too much pleasure at feeling him lose composure. His hips buck, and you do not stop. You join the movement of your hand twisting around his base with your mouth, and Chan’s grip on your hair tightens.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck - ah, don’t - ah, Y/N, stop,” he whimpers, and you move your head back, looking up at him with wide eyes. Chan takes a second to breathe out, and you feel his cock throbbing in your hand. “I’m going to come if you keep going,” he chuckles. “I want this to last.” 

You smile, crawling back up on the bed for a kiss, straddling him. “Was it good?” 

“So good, love,” he grins, kissing you. “So, so good.” 

You settle your drenched core against his cock, rubbing it up and down the length, moaning in response. 

“You’re so wet,” he whispers against your ear, licking it gently. You whimper, desperate for touch. “Can I fuck you now, love?” 

“Yes, please,” you moan. 

Chan is quick to grab a condom from his bedside table, wrapping it around his length before he guides it against your entrance. Slowly, you push yourself down, his cock stretching you. You close your eyes at the feeling, the pleasure making you dizzy. Chan pulls your upper body closer to his, playing with your breasts as he starts to thrusts his pelvis, entering you deeper each time. You roll your hips, finding a rhythm quickly. 

It feels so good to have him close, so good to let yourself go. Your heavy breathing mixes with his, touching his chest as he fucks you, and you’re both lost in the moment, not exchanging a word. He enters you deeply, his thrusts both gentle and passionate. It is not quick, but steady, every movement measured. 

You fuck like that for a while, just breathing and moving with each other, until your pleasure starts to ramp up. You are clenching around Chan, who grunts in your ear, and he holds your waist, anchoring himself there to accelerate his thrusts. He’s fucking you harder, and you cry out his name as you come. He follows you quickly in his release, breathing your name, making you feel whole like only he can. 

Both you and Chan breathe out, bodies slightly swaying like in a storm, holding each other tight. His arms around you, your fingers on his skin. 

Lifelines. 

After a little while he kisses your neck, your cheek, your lips. You sigh because you don’t want to move, although you know you have to. 

“My love,” he whispers. “How about a shower and some food, just the two of us?” 

You smile, leaning back to kiss his nose. “Just you and me?” 

He nods. “Just you and me.” 

That’s all you need.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head as you let the taste linger on your tongue. Just enough sweetness, hints of bitterness, the perfect balance. You’ve never eaten something that good, you’re almost sure of it. Chan, who is sitting in front of you, lets out a chuckle.

“That good, huh?” 

You let out a soft moan. “Best ice cream I’ve ever tasted.” 

Chan grins. “I know something that tastes better.” 

You push his leg under the table playfully and he chuckles, shaking his head, both embarrassed and amused by his dirty joke. You can’t stop looking at him. He looks so handsome in his fitted black shirt, just one button undone, a slim silver chain around his neck. When he showed up at your door wearing that, fitted black trousers and leather shoes, you almost pulled him into your apartment and abandoned the idea of going to the restaurant. But Chan had also been holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers, his eyes sparkling with joy, and that made your heart dance in different ways. 

“Pardon my French, but you look fucking gorgeous,” he had said, leaning in for a kiss. 

You had hugged him, giggling like a teenager as he left a trail of kisses down your neck, his other hand touching the fabric of your black dress, exploring the way it hugged your body. You had to push him away and take the flowers from him - if you let yourself go against his embrace you knew you would never make it to the restaurant on time. 

Chan had made a reservation at a fancy place, not at all your usual style, but he had once gone with family and had loved the food, so he wanted you to taste it too. 

When you leave the restaurant, your belly is full, your heart content, your soul even more. You stop when you cross the door, however. While you were inside it started to rain. It’s not a drizzle - it’s heavy, cold rain, falling down straight and hard on the ground. 

“Damn,” you let out, glancing at Chan. “Should we wait it out, or…?” 

Something sparkles in his eyes, and he doesn’t need to speak for you to understand what he is thinking about. You let out a nervous giggle, giving him a single nod.

Chan takes your hand and the both of you dash into the rain. You let out a scream because the rain is cold, but you don’t stop. You and Chan run towards the car, crossing the parking lot as fast as you can. He doesn’t let go of your hand. 

You run fast, it feels like you have wings.

And yet, it’s like time slows down. 

You glance at Chan, his eyes disappear in crescents, his laugh the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard. You can’t help it - you stop, pull on his hand and draw his body towards you. 

Under the falling rain you kiss. 

He kisses you back, his lips hungry and smooth. 

You slide an arm around his waist, and slowly, you start dancing. 

Chan bursts in laughter against your lips. He draws back, looking at you with tenderness spilling out his eyes, and joins you in the dance. For a minute or two, you dance under the rain. You turn, swirl, sway. You can’t stop laughing. 

You kiss again, and the rain starts falling harder on your heads, and even then you do not stop.

— the end.

Well, hello ♡ Believe me, posting was a surprise for me as well! But I found myself missing writing, missing sharing my writing with you, missing this. So here is the sequel that I once talked about, that has been written for a long time! I hope it's not too disappointing. I remember the writing of it very fondly. ♡ Please be kind as I haven't posted in forever haha.

Thank you for sticking around, thank you for reading me. I am so incredibly thankful. I don't think I'll create a taglist for now, so do not ask please ♡ I hope you enjoyed this, and please take care of each other. Love you all ♡♡

[hugshughes]

The 1 A. Fantilli

Adam Fantilli x fem!reader

synopsis - based on “the 1” by Taylor Swift obvs. The school year starts back up at the University of Michigan and after your break up with Adam, you’re trying to live life freely but can’t seem to get the idea of him and your relationship off your mind. But what happens when you see him again, and you both are yearning for each other more than ever before?

wc - 4.5k (:0)

contains - lowkey angst but also very fluffy closure, reader cries, miscommunication a little bit (i know), kissing, cuddling. (if i missed anything please let me know!!!!)

an - this is the first part in my folklore 100 follower celebration! i’m so excited for it! i do not loveeee this but i really wanted to get this first part out! hopefully you guys like this! here is the masterlist to this celebration. me when im about to make a fic based off “the 1” have a happy ending 😊. also sorry this took longer than expected i has surgery the other day and did not pop back to normal like i assumed i would lmao. please someone get the betty refernce at the end ;))) also i still need a player to use for my betty fic for this celebration so… someone request someone. also this is barely edited so sorry. also should i make a taglist?? would anyone like that??

-

i’m doing good, i’m on some new shit. been saying “yes” instead of “no”.

To say you were definitely doing much better now that August had arrived was a true statement. You’d been a wreck most of the summer over your breakup with Adam, but as the summer started to slow down and your tan glowed, you felt you heart get lighter and rid itself of it’s burdens.

You and Adam had broken up just a little bit before the draft. The prospect of him being in Anaheim while you finished school in Ann Arbor sounded like an impossible feat to conquer.

You also knew what the newfound NHL fame would bring Adam, even more attention than before, new people, new friends, new girls surrounding him. And while you knew Adam would never in a million years cheat on you, you didn’t want him to feel like he had to be tied to something, someone, 2,234 miles away, to be exact.

When you watched the draft and saw Leo get drafted to Anaheim, your heart sank to your stomach. Many tears were shed that night, knowing the boy you loved with all of you wouldn’t be 2,234 miles away, only 190.

You assumed that if he wanted you back he would’ve called, or texted, or emailed, or sent a letter, anything. But you got nothing, so you accepted that he was perfectly okay with still being apart. Even though it did hurt because you remembered the night both of you cuddled close and whispered about how amazing it would be if he went to Columbus and not Anaheim.

i thought i saw you at the bus stop, i didn’t though.

When school started back up, you couldn’t help but see him everywhere you went. You did feel better, and you were healing, but it did instill an ache in your chest when you’d see your favorite study spot, your table at the starbucks right off campus, his dorm building, everything.

You even thought you saw him there once, your eyes widened with fear as you thought you saw him standing at a bus stop on campus but it wasn’t him, just another brunette boy, but not yours.

i hit the ground running each night. i hit the sunday matinée. you know the greatest films of all time were never made.

It was hard for about a week or so, being back in the place where you fell head over heels in love with him, but your friends would always be quick to cheer you up and tell you “it’s gonna be okay.” And most of the time you believed them.

You’d gone to many more parties than you had last year, you were usually trying to spend time with Adam and you two preferred being alone together than things like parties.

You felt the ache when you saw a guy taking his girlfriend to the Barbie movie, as stupid as that seems. You and your friends had all waited to see it until you were back together and you were all dolled up in your pink outfits. But you couldn’t help but have that same ache when you remembered Adam promising to take you to see if, and promising to wear pink just for you.

Obviously, that never happened. After the movie you couldn’t help but pull up your photos and scroll through your ‘Adam🤍’ album, the videos got to you the most.

Adam had made you film yourself when you opened your birthday gift from him, you had no idea why.

“Baby, why am I filming this?”

“Because, I want to be able to rewatch your reaction to it!”

You give him a funny look, and he urges you to open the big bag, seeing a jersey, a Michigan jersey. You’re pretty confused because you have a Fantilli jersey already, one you wear often. You pull it out of the bag and unfold it and turn it around, and then you see it. Instead of Fantilli across the back, it says “MY MAN”. Your jaw drops, you start laughing so hard, like stomach hurting from how hard you’re laughing.

Adam joins in your laughter, asking if you like it. You tackle him in a hug, kissing his cheek twice.

“It’s so perfect!”

The video was perfect, it ended in your phone falling from it’s propped up place on your desk as you kissed Adam. You felt happy and sad when you saw it. Happy that it happened, that you were able to ever experience that kind of love. Sad because it was all gone now.

i guess you never know, never know. and if you wanted me, you really should’ve showed. and if you never bleed, you’re never gonna grow.

You know that if you had the chance, you’d go back to Adam without thinking for two seconds. He was the best thing that you’d ever been graced with. He was everything to you, and you know that in a tucked away part of your heart he still is.

You just wish you both had tried harder, because you both loved each other with all of your beings. You just wished you both showed how much you really wanted it at the end, but both of you were scared of how the other was feeling.

but we were something, don’t you think so? roaring 20’s, tossing pennies in the pool.

In the middle of the night, when you’re staring at the ceiling of your room after watching Adam’s newest highlights you tend to always think about one thing; if he still thinks about you, the way you do him.

You hoped he did, you hoped you weren’t the furthest thing from his mind at all times. And if you were to ask him, he would tell you that you were all he could think of for months, you were the only thing on his mind when he woke up, and when he went to sleep. Columbus was fun, and new, and exciting, but you were everything to him.

Adam had hoped you’d send him a text the night of the draft, and then he’d be able to start talking to you again. But, you never texted, you were worried he wouldn’t care if you did. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself.

and if my wishes came true it would’ve been you.

You had wished on 11:11s, fallen stars, eyelashes, candles, four-leaf clovers, everything, that you and Adam would be together always, and that didn’t end when you broke up, you still wished for him, always.

in my defense, i have none. for never leaving well enough alone. but it would’ve been fun, if you would’ve been the one.

You always felt like you were doing something wrong towards the end of your relationship, not because of Adam. It was because you just had a voice in the back of your head telling you that you weren’t doing enough for him and that you were making him upset, and it led to you doing things to try to fix that but only would end up making things worse.

You just needed him always, you two were inseparable. You were at every home game, a good amount of the away games, and then you were almost always together during any free time you two had. While you were only together for about a year, you could see your life with Adam. He had said something to you about wanting to marry you, 5 months after you started dating. You were just it for each other.

i have this dream you’re doing cool shit. having adventures on your own. you meet some woman on the internet and take her home.

You think about if he has met another girl yet. You know that those hockey teams like going out together and they definitely attract lots of female attention. The ache came back at the thought of him sleeping in the same bed as another woman.

we never painted by the numbers, baby. but we were making it count.

Some people thought your relationship was, unrealistic, in a sense. You and Adam were together all the time, and it made certain family members and friends question what would happen after the draft came and Anaheim took your boyfriend from you. But obviously, Anaheim didn’t take your boyfriend, Columbus did, which made the breakup hurt even more.

Every minute you spent with Adam was full of love. There were very little disagreements, and the few that did take place were always out of love, which also made everything hurt more. No one could’ve seen your breakup coming, you two included, it just came up one night and ended up with you two calling it quits. It was the first time you’d ever seen Adam cry, and that broke you inside.

you know the greatest loves of all time are over now. i guess you never know, never know. and it’s another day waking up alone.

Sometimes you wake up and forget he’s not yours anymore, that he might even be someone else’s. And then you snap back to reality and it hits you like a train. Your roommates sometimes leave sticky notes to you that you’re gonna be okay, that’s everything’s okay. He was the greatest thing ever. Your love for him conquered all.

i, i, i persist and resist the temptation to ask you, if one thing had been different. would everything be different today?

You just play back every single moment in your head. Wondering if you’d done anything different if you’d still be his, if he’d still love you how he did. What you didn’t know was that he was doing the same exact thing 190 miles from you, resisting the urge to text you.

Adam was counting down the days until his birthday, praying that you would text him, allowing him to start a conversation with you. You were as well, having typed out your birthday message to him already, weeks early, waiting to be sent.

but we were something, don’t you think so? rosé flowing with your chosen family. and it would’ve been sweet, if it could’ve been me.

You two would spend nights with his friends, the boys he loved most, and his teammates because you wanted them to like you because he liked them. You wanted to be able to have their approval and you definitely did. Your friendships lasting with a few of the players, specifically Dylan Duke.

Dylan had been so incredibly sweet to you when you met, understanding how it probably felt to be surrounded by a team of boys who you didn’t know. He was someone you could hang out with at hockey parties when you felt like you were being too clingy to Adam.

in my defense i have none, for digging up the grave another time.

Dylan had been begging you to come to a hockey game since before the season started. And you were finally convinced so you are going to attend the 2nd Providence game. They won last night 2-4 and were hoping to do the same again.

You felt the ache when you were searching through your umich gear for your outfit to the game and found your Fantilli jerseys. You took a deep breath and pushed it off, grabbing a blue and maize crewneck and throwing it on over your leggings and blazers and leaving.

You got into the Children of Yost section pretty easily, but it was always a hassle nonetheless. You found some friends and stood with them, shouting cheers when the guys skated out.

You and your friends were pretty close to the glass in the student section, only a few rows back, so you were able to see the guys really well. You screamed when Dylan scored his first goal of the night, he saw you and laughed so hard. Luca, who was hugging his teammate was confused by how hard Dylan was laughing, and looked to see what the source of his entertainment was. When he saw you, jumping up and down with your friends, screaming for Dylan, he was shocked. Shocked you’d even come to a game. And then his eyes widened when he realized his brother was here, watching him play.

When the first period was over the Childen of Yost settled down and danced to the songs and did the little games that came up to on the jumbotron. Your fun halted when you saw Adam come up on the screen, the words “Welcoming back former Wolverines!” and his names flashing on it. Your friends saw and their jaws dropped. He hadn’t been at the game the night before, of course he hadn’t, of course this was the game he came to.

You brushed it off and insisted that you were fine. You continued to have fun and mess around with your friends during the break in between periods. But then Adam had the shock of his life, staring at the screen as the view of you and your friends dancing to American Boy by Estelle & Kanye as the cameras showed different groups of the Children of Yost.

The second he gets over his shock you’re off the screen, and he’s slightly leaning out of his seat, searching the crowd of the student section, and then he saw you, messing around and playing with your friends. Part of him wishes you were in his jersey, as unrealistic as that seems. He wonders if you still have his jerseys, if they’re in a thrift store somewhere, or if they’re tucked away in the bottom of a box in your room.

He knows Dylan probably convinced you to come, because Dylan was your favorite of his friends, and the two of you guys were “besties” whenever you were together. He wonders if you’ll go down towards the locker room after the game to see Dylan and if he’ll get to see you again.

The game ended soon enough, the guys winning 3-4 with 2 goals from Duker. He texted you after the game to come down, wanting to go to eat with you after.

-

from: Duka👊

Dude come down after I wanna go eat

from: Y/n/n🤝

idk duke i kinda wanna go home

from: Duka👊

Bro no you have to stop being a loser

from: Y/n/n🤝

fine.

-

He liked your message and you let out a sigh,

“Hey guys, I’m gonna go down and see Duke. I’ll see you guys later, okay?”

They nodded and gave you light hugs, telling you random things that are always part of girl goodbyes.

“Are you sure, do you think Adam’ll be down there, babe?”

You sighed again, shrugging, hugging her tighter.

“Don’t know, but I can’t let him stop me from doing things, right? If I see him, I see him. I don’t know if he’ll say anything to me, but if he does I’ll just talk to him normally, you know?”

The girls all nod, saying goodbye again, telling you things about your said “girl power”. You made your way through the arena, getting let through by security and heading back to the hall where the players come out.

You kept your head in your phone as you leaned against the wall, snapping people, scrolling through Instagram, and texting your mom about the game.

Dylan came out fast compared to usual. You high-fived him as he came up to you, congratulating him on his two goals. He thanked you and then was quick to try to get you guys to leave.

“Dylan, It’s okay. I know he’s here. I’m not gonna like, run away from him. Alright?”

“Yeah alright, he was just in the locker room and I was worried you might not know, 'cause I didn’t even know, so.”

You nodded and smiled at him, patting his shoulder in thanks. Then you realized he was missing something.

“Dylan, did you leave your phone in the locker room?”

He looked at you in confusion, then patting the pocket on his bag, and then his sweatpants pockets, then his sweatshirt pocket, but came up empty.

“Shit. Alright, I’ll be back in half a second, wait here.”

You nod and he hands you his backpack, racing back to the locker room. You put his bag on your back and look back at your phone again. And then you hear him, his laugh. You don’t even wanna look up, you glance out of the corner of your eye, seeing his silhouette.

You freeze in your stance, fingers pausing on your screen. You hear him, Luca, and Mark talking very loudly. Adam sees the bag on your back first “DUKE #25” along the side of it. Then he realizes it’s you. He quiets down very quickly, almost stopping in his tracks.

Luca notices his baby brother’s change in attitude instantly, whipping his head to the side, his eyes meeting your figure. Mark, somehow sees you and his mind doesn’t think for two seconds. He calls your name, happy as ever.

“Hey! Come here I haven’t seen you in forever. What’s up?”

You wince at his obliviousness, or maybe his uncaring of the situation. You squeeze your eyes shut for a second before putting a smile on.

“Hey Mark, I’m fine. How are you?”

He nods and replies, half hugging you and pulling you back towards his group. Luca quickly says hey to you, wrapping his arms around you briefly.

You look at Adam, your eyes softening. He looks at you as if you’re the only girl in the world, and to him, you are. You go to say hey to him but he hugs you before words can come out. He holds you so so tightly, and you practically grip him. Fuck, you missed him.

“Hey, Adam.”

You feel him take a deep breath in, rubbing his hand up and down your back.

“Missed you.”

“Missed you too, Adam.”

You both seem to realize you aren’t alone and you pull away, clearing your throat as the other two boys look at you with huge smiles. You feel heat radiating from your cheeks as the four of you stand there.

The awkward silence is cut off by Dylan racing back through the hall.

“Hey dude, sorry I took so long. Ty started asking me about something-”

He stopped himself when he saw you standing inches from Adam, a blush covering your face. He tries to cover the smile overtaking his face.

“Oh hey guys, um well, we were about to go eat, you guys wanna join?”

Your eyes widened at Dylan, cursing at him in your head, hoping you’d gained mind powers that could disintegrate him. Just because you can stand here and hug him doesn’t mean you can sit and eat dinner with him.

Mark jumps to accept, telling you two that you should also invite the other guys still in the locker room. You agree, thinking the more the merrier for your situation. You and Dylan let the other guys know and then take off. In the car, you turn to Dylan and almost shout at him.

“Dylan Duke! What the fuck?”

He smiles at you, that stupid smile. You shake your head and sigh loudly leaning back against the headrest and closing your eyes.

“I saw how you were looking at each other in there. And Mark whispered to me about your hug. I know that this is for your own good dude. At least get civil with him.”

You sigh and nod, your eyes still closed. Dylan lets out a noise of agreement, and you two drive to your chosen restaurant.

When you pull up to a restaurant on a Saturday night and ask for a table for 10, you usually are looked at like you have two heads. But in Ann Arbor, when a umich hockey player comes in and asks that, they will make it happen.

You and Dylan were the first to get there, sitting across from each other at the far end of the table. Tyler, Rutger, and Ethan arrive next, Tyler sitting at the end chair between you and Dylan, and Rut and Eth sitting next to Dylan. Adam, Luca, and Mark arrived next. You watched Mark push Adam forward to sit in the space on your right.

He smiles at you awkwardly as he sits down next to you, making sure to leave a comfortable amount of space between you. Lastly, Seamus and Mackie arrive, taking the last two seats at the table. All the guys were talking around you while you checked your phone every minute or so to try to look busy. You glance to your side and notice Adam as bored as you.

“Hey Fants.”

His head quickly turns to you, a bright smile adorning his features.

“Hi.”

“How’s Columbus? Sorry I never congratulated you, I just-”

“Hey! It’s okay, I understand, alright? But it’s nice, I’ve made a couple of new friends and stuff. It was nice already knowing people there.”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s really good Adam.”

Adam stared at you longingly as you stared at your fingers. You were messing with the rings you always wore, then realized how you were wearing your ring from Adam. You felt like you couldn’t let him see it, worried you might embarrass yourself. You covered your hand with your other, trying to make your position look as natural as possible.

When you looked back over to him and he was already staring at you, you swear your heart started pounding, even more so than already. His eyes looked sad, something so uncommon to see him feeling. He’d always been your happy boy, always bringing you up and making you better.

You would rather climb to the rooftops and scream to every Ann Arbor citizen of your everlasting love for Adam than even whisper it to him. His eyes, though, they’re like the ocean. One look and all of your senses are gone.

“I really missed you Adam.”

You didn’t look at him when you whispered it, you stared at the football game playing on the TV across the restaurant, the Bengals were winning by 14. Your hand pressed into the wood of your chair next to your thigh, running your fingers back and forth across the grain. You didn’t flinch physically when you felt his hand brush over yours, but your heart felt like it was about to implode.

“You have no idea how much I missed you.”

You finally got the courage to look into his eyes. You turn, just a little, and look at him, the raw look on his face, his glazed-over eyes, his bit at lips, your boy, he’d always been yours, always will be.

“And, you have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now.”

He mumbled it, not caring if you heard or not, he just knew he had to say it, if not to you then to admit it to himself, that he wanted to kiss you.

Adam watched as your eyes widened innocently, he loves everything you do. He just stared, he knew you heard him, he didn’t know what to do after that, and neither did you. You seemed to have gotten lost in the moment, forgetting about the 8 other hockey players surrounding you, who had honestly mostly just stopped really talking to each other and were mostly watching you and Adam.

In that moment, you couldn’t even hear them, you couldn’t even see them. They were blurry, muted, and muffled, but looking at Adam, it was so clear. You weren’t thinking, you were just following whatever split-second decision your heart made and grabbed his face, kissing Adam. You fucking kissed him. His hands wrapped around your wrists, kissing you back immediately. You kissed for maybe three seconds, the hustle and bustle all around coming back to you.

You pulled away from him first, if it was his choice he would’ve made out with you right there in front of everyone. You looked at him with wide eyes, and he still had his big beautiful smile. You hear an ‘oh shit’ come from Luca’s mouth, and then the rest of the guys at the table going crazy and immediately feel embarrassed. Your face burns as you quickly wipe your lips with your sleeve, burying your face in your hands as a smile reluctantly makes its way to your face.

Adam has the biggest grin on his face as he scoots his chair closer to you, wrapping his arm around you, pulling you close. Adam’s hand rests on your hip, tracing shapes already like it was never gone. Like it was home after being away for far too long. You know the two of you would have a big conversation about everything later. But for right now, you just let him hold you, and you let him order for you, because he always knew what you wanted, even now.

When dinner came, Adam’s hand left your hip, but it ended up holding yours under the table like you were two fourteen-year-olds hiding from your parents. He started messing with your hand, pulling it more into his lap so he could play with it with both of his hands. He’d always done this when you were together, he would mess with your hand while he talked to others at dinners or parties or anything.

Adam was shocked when he felt it, the cool band on your ring finger. He looked down at your hand, eyes widening when he saw his ring still adorning your finger. He stared at you with so so much love in his eyes, from across the table, Luca could see how happy his baby brother was, and he was so thankful for you.

“You still have my ring on.”

You couldn’t tell if it was a question or a statement when he whispered to you. You looked down at the band on your finger, smiling sheepishly at him and blushing. You nodded slowly, not knowing how to explain it to him.

“I just really like it. And I just really like you, so.”

He laughs, nodding at you with amusement, letting out an ‘Oh yeah?’ to which you nod assuringly.

You knew he was the 1. You’d known when he had first introduced himself to you. You could tell that this new beginning to your relationship was going to last, that the time apart only made you both stronger. You’d always loved him, and always will, and if kissing him in a crowded restaurant in front of all of his stupid friends is what it takes to have him, you definitely would.

but it would’ve been fun, if you would’ve been the one.

[too-much-tma-stuff]

Neither Gone Nor Forgotten

sequel to No Body to Bury. This isn’t edited, if you find any errors feel free to let me nice, just be nice about it.

------

Planning a funeral for Danny turned out both easier, and harder, then Batman had anticipated. Easier because he wasn’t deep in grief the way he had been when planning previous funerals, and harder because, well, the person the funeral was for was still around to have opinions. Not that Danny was hard to please, he seemed happy with just about everything, but he was struggling with whether he should tell his human family and friends. He really wanted to, but he was scared.

“I don’t think they’ll understand,” Danny said, his legs dangling over the edge of the tall building he and Batman were currently sitting on, holding a milkshake Bruce had bought for him. “Sam, Tucker, and Jazz all supported me while I was still only half dead and knew. I haven’t kept entirely out of the news since starting to work with you guys and I know they’re upset I abandoned them, I’ve seen it when I check on them. There’s no way they can understand how much changes when you die, I watch over them, but Ic an never go back.

“I can’t be what they want me to be, I’m not really Danny anymore at all, and they’d want me to be what I was. They’d want me to be human, and I’m just not anymore. I would want them to think I was completely dead and gone, but they’ve seen me in the news so there’s no chance of that.”

“Hm,” Batman said helpfully. “Write them a letter, I’ll make sure it’s delivered and then they can come on your terms, or not,” He suggested, he’d found writing letters to be a lot easier. “Like a will?”

Danny cocked his head to the side as he thought about that and then nodded slowly. “That’s a good idea, thanks Batman. You’re not nearly as bad at emotions as everyone says,” The young ghost said, bumping his shoulder against Bruce’s. It made the older hero smile. He wasn’t surprised to find that Phantom was gone when he turned back towards where the boy was sitting, his small smile remained as he threw out the abandoned milkshake and went on with his patrol.

It was two days later when the letter appeared on his desk, not yet folded or in an envelope which Bruce knew was permission to read it. He appreciated that because he would have had a hard time resisting the curiosity even if it was already sealed.

Dear Sam, Jazz, and Tucker

First of all, I want to say I’m sorry. I loved you all and I didn’t run away, I didn’t want to leave you. It was the GIW, remember when I said I was a ‘who’s who of who can’t catch ghosts’? I guess I underestimated at least one of them because they finally got me. Of course it was Phantom they were trying to kill, but is anyone surprised that they failed? It was Danny who they ended up killing, and now I can’t go back.

I didn’t realize what a big difference there would be between being half dead and all dead, a little humanity goes a long way I guess. Don’t worry I’m not going to become Dan, but I can’t be Danny anymore either, just Phantom left now and while I still love you and watch over you as I am, it’s not like I can just ‘live my life’ anymore. It hurts too much to try and pretend to be alive now, and ghosts are creatures of instinct, I can’t go against the natural order of life and death and come back to you, no matter how much I love you or how much you miss me.

Batman and some of the other heroes have offered to arrange a funeral for Danny, this time there’s actually a corpse to bury after all. I won’t be there, but it’s important for both the living and the dead that the dead have a grave, a place to grieve lost life. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, if it’s too hard or you’re too mad at me still. But if you do come or ever visit I’ll feel you there and it’ll make me happy, and maybe it’ll be some closure for you? I never meant to hurt you.

I’ll still be around to protect you, I’ll protect everyone I can. That’s been my obsession since the start hasn’t it? And Jazz don’t you start, ghost’s obsessions are what keeps us here and in one piece, I don’t need therapy. And I guess that’s the heart of it isn’t it? I’m not human anymore, and I can’t pretend to be, and we wouldn’t understand each other anymore. Not really. Ghosts don’t change much though so I’ll always love you and when you die maybe we can be friends again, if you can forgive me for this.

Forever young and yours,

Phantom

 Batman read the letter and sat quietly with it for a few long minutes, thinking about it and also questioning some parts, like who Dan was. It was sad of course, but it was sweet too, and he didn’t think that Phantom’s friends would be nearly as upset with him as he thought they would be. Finally he sighed and folded it up, finding a envelope and address it to Danny’s sister since she seemed like the best one to make sure they were all there when it was opened and read. He put it in the folder to be sent out and then leaned against his desk.

“Are you really not going to come?” He asked the empty room, and after waiting for a moment wasn’t surprised when Danny stepped out from nowhere. He’d started to get a sense of when Phantom was there, untouchable and unseen.

“No, I’ll be there, but only the way spirits usually are. I won’t be there physically, just in spirit,” He said, smiling at his own pun. Batman chuckled a little and nodded.

“I understand why you don’t want them to know that, I won’t let on,” He assured. “I think you’ve done the right thing letting them know.”

Danny nodded and then vanished again, this time out through the window, properly leaving the office and Batman alone again.

Batman had the discussion with the rest of the Justice League without Phantom present so they could avoid accidental offense. Not everyone would come, not everyone could come, Batman banned a few of the more literal heroes who would not understand why they were having a funeral when Phantom was still here, even though he had actually died. But a decent amount did come, and Batman had a feeling that the ones Phantom would care about most was Bruce himself, and Diana, who was coming.

-----

When the day of the funeral came Batman and Diana stood outside the little chapel to welcome people. They weren’t technically family of course, apparently Diana was distantly through an ancestor of hers and adoption, and Bruce thought of himself as a paternal figure to Danny, besides they’d been here early setting everything up. The nice coffin was already at the front of the room, closed since it was empty with while lilies placed on top and decorating the little building along with some roses and candles.

He wasn’t particularly surprised when the first person who showed up was Danny’s big sister Jasmine Fenton driving Danny’s two friends. His parents weren’t there but Phantom had mentioned it might not be a good idea for them to come because they would probably be disruptive. Both Jazz and Tucker’s eyes were rimmed red like they’d been crying and Sam’s jaw had a stubborn set to it like clenching it was the only thing keeping her lips from trembling.

They reached the steps, Batman nodded to them and Diana gave them a sad smile. Jazz looked through the open doors, her breath hitching. “Is he in there?” She asked, pointing to the coffin.

Batman shook his head, voice soft and rough as he responded. “Phantom said he’d bring the body later, Less chance for something to go wrong and… I don’t know if it would hurt him, but I think it’s easy to see why he’d be protective of it.”

Jazz’s lip trembled and she took a deep breath, behind her Sam had wrapped an arm around Tucker who had started to cry again, turning to hide against her shoulder. “When you see him again tell him we’re not mad at him, please?” Sam said, her voice hard with repressed emotions, it almost sounded angry but there was a subtle difference.

“He’s right that we can’t understand everything,” Jazz said, biting her lip for a moment before continuing. “But after something like this he needs space, and we won’t rush him. If he needs to start a new life, we get it, everything must remind him of trauma right now, but if he ever wants to get back in touch with us. Well, I’ll love him forever too. But also tell him that he should have been more careful in that letter he wrote if any of us had been feeling suicidal his comment about being friends again after death might have been the last push we needed over the metaphorical edge-”

She was taking a deep breath to continue her lecture when Sam wrapped her other arm around Jazz’ shoulder and pulled her away. “Well we’re not, it’s fine, let’s go sit down before Tucker collapses from dehydration from all these tears.”

“I’m not going to collapse! I’m not even crying that much!” Tucker insisted, his voice audibly wet.

Batman and Diane kept their faces straight while Sam dragged them all into the little building and to seats in the front row. Then Batman’s lips twitched up in a slight smile and Diana gave a weak laugh. “I knew they wouldn’t be as angry with Phantom as he feared,” Batman said, trying to keep his amusement under control.

“What a precocious girl, a big sister through and through,” Diana agreed and sniffled a little, it seemed their grief had gotten to her a little. He understood.

Slowly more people filtered in, just other heroes now, and one young woman called Val. Sam said to let her in even though there was clearly tension there, the heroes didn’t ask.

The scheduled time of the funeral Diana and Batman went inside, closing the door after them and, since Danny hadn’t wanted a priest so Batman started to make his way to the front to start things off.

“We’re here today in remembrance of Danny Phantom, a brave young man lost to soon in the line of duty. He never should have had to join the fight so young,” Batman stumbled a little when he saw Jason slip in at the back of the chapel. He had sort of though Jason wasn’t coming, but there he was, dressed in his Red Hood get up, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Batman could tell that he was on edge, but he was here, and it would make Danny happy. He took a deep breath and carried on with his planned remarks.

When he was done he stepped down off the little podium and Jazz stepped up, pulling some queue cards out of her pocket, taking a deep breath and launching into a planned speech. She was a good public speaker, she managed to keep it together through her speech but her words were clearly very heartfelt.

It went well, a few more people spoke, by the end Batman was actually having a hard time keeping his feeling under control, he maybe should have came as Bruce Wayne so he could have cried. He kept it under control though and eventually it was time to bring the coffin out to the prepared grave. They hadn’t fully planned who would carry it because they hadn’t known if Danny’s friends and sister were going to come, but now that they were here of course they were invited to help carry the coffin.

Batman and Diana took the majority of the weight of course, but all three of them took the offer to help carry the coffin the prepared grave. They lowered it in and Superman placed the specially made vault over top that would protect Danny’s body from, well, the usual stuff super heroes had to deal with, bodies being stolen for experimentation, attempted cloning’s, resurrection but wrong, all that jazz.

Jasmin through in the first handful of dirt, then Sam, then Tucker and then the heroes joined in. When the grave started to be filled properly a lot of the heroes started to wander away, Batman approached Jason who was hanging back.

“Please stay,” He murmured to his estranged son, seeing Jason’s shoulders tense, his arms were still crossed defensively. “Phantom will be bringing his body one most of the people clear out and he’d really like to meet you. If you don’t mind, he just died, and it’s been hard on him, I think meeting you would be a comfort.” He watched with bated breath as Jason’s fingers twitched and tightened on his own arms before he nodded. Bruce breathed a subtle sigh of relief and nodded, turning back towards the grave.

Once the grave was filled and basically everyone else had either left or gone back to the little chapel to socialize, Danny finally arrived. He faded into view, seemingly almost shy, watching them both closely for their reaction. Bruce understood why, he had to carefully school his expression when he saw the state that Danny’s body was in. It wasn’t that he was dead obviously, ashen and limp, passed the stage of rigger it seemed, it was the visible injuries. He was littered with cuts and bruises, there were stull cuffs around his ankles and wrists which had clearly burned into his skin. The wound that had killed him was, well, it looked like an autopsy had been done, his chest was fully open, but Batman knew it had been done while he was still alive. It was horrific.

Batman managed to keep himself under control though his breathing sped up, Hood’s mask completely hid his face but he rocked back like he’d been struck. Danny hesitated, licked his lips a little and stepped forward.

“I can’t touch the cuffs, but I don’t want too bury him with them still on. Will you take them off for me? They shouldn’t burn you,” Danny asked Bruce.

He was about to say yes when Jason cut in, “I’m better at picking locks then him, I’ll do it.” He practically growled, stalking forward and pulling his lock picking kit out of one of the pockets on his suit. “Who did this to him,- You?” He asked softly as Danny knelt, cradling his own corps close to his chest, letting Jason kneel in front of him and take one of the limp arms to start on the cuffs. Jason hissed when he touched it, it burned a little but he breathed through it and started to pick the lock.

“It was the GIW, the ghost investigation ward. I killed the ones who did it, and the justice league helped me disband the rest of the organization and overturn the laws that enabled it,” Danny responded, his green eyes locked unblinkingly on Jason, watching him as he watched Jason work on the locks.

“Good, I’m glad their dead. That must have felt good,” He chuckled vindictively.

“I am too, but I’m more glad they won’t get to hurt anyone else. They might have gone for you if they were still able.”

“Me? Why?” Jason asked, his fingers twitching, he cursed softly when the lock pick slipped, he grumbled and started again.

“Because you died before didn’t you? The cuffs burn you because you’re not… completely alive anymore I won’t ask anything about it, I know that’s private but if you ever want to talk about it, or if you need help with the… side affects, I’d be happy to help you,” Phantom offered softly. Jason only hummed in response, he needed to process and consider that.

When the final cuff fell to the ground Danny took a deep breath and curled around himself, resting his forehead against his body’s hair. From the way his shoulders were shaking they could tell he was crying, Jason rested a hand on Danny’s shoulder, just being there for him until Phantom was ready and finally sunk into the ground. He was down there for a long time before he surfaced again, flying over to hug batman, burrowing against his chest a little while Batman patted his back gently, Jason standing by awkwardly.

“Thank you so much for doing this, and thank you both so much for coming. This really means so much to me.”

“Of course kid,” Jason said, reaching out to ruffle the boy’s soft white hair.

Batman nodded, giving Danny a gentle squeeze, “No one deserves to be forgotten.”

Tag list: @kikkobara @phlebocuffs @spikethecrazycat @spookytragedyshark @thatonegaybitch68 @stargazer-luna @fangirlnerd001 @seraphinedemort @yjfk @rosieparker1856 @battlebunnyteardropsinthesun and thank you too @your-local-idiot-savant for giving me feedback on some parts

[pigeonpeach]

Love potion yandere <3

Cw: dub con, suggestive themes, drugging, yandere themes,

Prompt: You recently received a potion from a strange old lady you helped out. You helped her pick out a cute bunny plushie for her daughter and even helped pay for it. As reward she gave you that potion and payed you back. Telling you it will show wether or not someone loves you. If they don’t, then they will act as if nothing happened. But if they do then it will strengthen their love to the point they cannot resist showing affection to you. You were in fact: quite perplexed who to use this on. So you saved it for later.

Well later came.

Jean

You were preparing tea for your boss Jean when you got curious. She’d bene eyeing you for some time now so you wanted some answers. The potion came up again as you contemplated it. There was no way you could but… ohh… could anyone blame you. Yearning for someone is truly frightening. You yearn for her touch, to sit on her lap, to be her wife.. oh you just want to know.. maybe just a drop. Just a little? Half a drop maybe?

You caved. Who could blame you. You were horrible with signs and you needed to know. You didn’t put much. A single drop. Nothing more. You watched her lift it before the guilt overtook you.

“Wait! I just realized I didn’t use the right tea bags! I’m so sorry.” You said. She put the cup down looking at you concerned.

“Its no problem. I can drink this one. I’m not that picky.” She chuckled. You however still sweated.

“B-but I really insist I must get it right before you have it!”

“Is it poisonous?” She asked confused and skeptical.

“Of course not. I just.. this cup was… i- i um… its a really experimental tea I bought and I don’t know if you would like it.” You said nervously. You looked like a vein would burst at any second from your stress.

“Please relax, you look way too stressed over this. I’ll have a sip and tell you my thoughts.” She took a sip before you could interject. She put the cup down as she swallowed it. A smile graced her lips. “This is great actually. It has such a lovely taste.”

You felt relieved.

“Do tell me the flavor, this is excellent stuff I’d like to buy some myself.” She said.

“O-oh I’ll go check!” You said nervously.

With that you left as you clutched your heart. It seemed she was fine. Did… that mean it didn’t work? Or did she not love you? Oh well. What matters is that she’s fine and you got your closure without risking your job. You decided to try and come up with some exotic and outrageous flavor to tell her as you killed time in the library.

Meanwhile for Jean she felt herself growing restless. Her hands tingling as she slammed her fist on the table. “Where is she! Where is she!” She felt so fustrated. Her heart raced. Her mind blanked as it was filled with thoughts of you. She needed you this instant. She sat up from her desk as she vowed to find you herself.

Coming into the Library she found you dusting the shelves.

“O-oh Jean I’m sorry I got carried a-woat?!” You gasped as she suddenly lifted you into her arms and carried you off. “M-m-m”

“Don’t speak. I just… want to hold you right now.” She said, her voice as so stern, it was nothing like the woman you were talking to a hour ago. Her face on your neck taking a deep sniff making you surprised. “You’re so soft.. were you always this compliant? You didn’t even resist when I picked you up, you just went along with it.” She chuckled, her laugh holding a slight sinister feeling to it.

“G-grand master?” You squeaked. She seemed elated.

“Just call me Jean.” She said carrying you off to her office. You couldn’t help but wonder if even one drop was too much. But at least you got your answers… for her sake you hope its not permanent

Diluc

Maybe you were in over your head. You made muffins for the household and offered him one, you made sure it was his favorite, blueberry cinnamon. He thanked you and ate the whole thing. He even ate most of the muffins. They were gone before midday. But you knew it wouldn’t harm anyone who ate it. You had been hassled by Adelinde for the recipe when Milly came rushing to you.

“Ma-master Diluc requests your presence immediately.” Milly said urgently. You were a bit puzzled by her reaction. But you obliged heading to his office. You barely got the door open before you were suddenly pulled into a tight embrace.

“You… what did you do to me?” He growled. You tried to squirm as you panicked slightly.

“H-huh? W-whats going on? I- oh!” You were suddenly lifted as you pinned you to the wall.

“Those muffins… you.. you were already so tempting and now I can’t get you out of my mind. So what was it? A aphrodisiac?”

“I-it shouldnt be having those effects. I only did one drop… i just… wanted to see if you felt the same way.” You fessed up quickly. You were very conflicted, on one hand this was very scary, but also kind of hot. Being pinned against the wall, your crush pinning you and desperately pressing himself into you. Oh it was a battle between your sense and your heart.

“I knew it. You could’ve just asked you know? You have no excuse now.” His voice was so growly. Your body tingled as he spoke directly into your ear. “You’re going to take responsibility here. You are going to mine. I’ll make sure of that.”

Dehya

You had the biggest crush on Dehya. You hired her for a expedition you went on with your students but you ended up head over heel in love with her. Now that it was over you tried to find any excuse to spend time with or hang out with her. You wondered if sometimes she got annoyed or hated you because you worked for the Akademiya. But with that potion however you figured you would have a clear shot of figuring it out. Of course she wasnt a test dummy. You tested it on a lab rat who became quite cuddly with you. The rat survived with no damage done mentally or physically. So while you two were staying at inn together you slipped a drop in her cup.

“DEHYA!” You gasped as she just lifted you into the air, as if she were offering you to the sky, the. Lowering you to her chest. Then repeating that. You realized she was using you as s weight.

“Heh, you’re so light! It barely feels like I’m moving a muscle.” She smiles as you froze, not wanting to fall.

“Dehya please put me down this is so embarrassing!” You were quite worried about falling. You already had such a fragile back, you couldn’t worsen it even more.

“Why? You’re so cute like this. Heh, my little researcher is just so light.. makes me wonder how the wind never blew you away.” She teased. You weren’t even that skinny. She was just that strong. “I could keep you, just sling you over my shoulder and take you with me. Carry you around like a purse… a pretty purse. One I could fu-“

“DEHYA! Please put me down! Also are you drunk?” You were quite puzzled. None of your experiments yielded this. The mouse had simply become cuddly, your cat also became clingy for the day. Perhaps it was just the type of love. The mouse and your cat loved you as a caretaker so their love strengthened to make them more dependent on you than they were, her love must’ve been more than you thought.

“Heh.. I slipped out my flask for some firewater mixture I got. Wanted to see if you would have a sip or two.” That was concerning. You didn’t know she could be so devious. It was kind of exciting though… you had always wanted to try firewater.. getting drunk with her seemed like a great way to bond an- “stop thinking so much.” Dehya seemed angry as she swung you around once more.

“Please put me down! Dehya you’ll break something and that will be me!”

“Relax, I wouldn’t break something pretty like you.” She said, slinging you over her shoulder and tossing you onto the bed. You two had separate beds but you figured you wouldn’t be sleeping alone tonight. “So pretty, so pliable and soft. My little researcher..” she purred. You were struggling to maintain your composure or mentally write notes. Her body ontop of you. “Mine.. all~~~ mine. I won’t let anyone else take you. If they try I’ll cut their fucking hand off.”

“Dehya that’s a crime!” You were alarmed. You couldn’t let her do such things. “Let’s just get some rest. You clearly need it!” You attempted to roll away but she blocked you.

“Mm i’d get away with it.. there’s plenty of spaces to hide a body in sumeru.” She purred as if that wasn’t the most sinister words you’ve heard from her.

“Dehya! No! No murder no using me like a purse, and no-“

“Are you trying to leave me.” She growled.

“Dehya i can’t even get up right now.” You sighed.

“Good. I’m going to use you… like a pillow. We can do more fun stuff when I’m sober. Besides… I wanna do it under the stars. And also so anyone nearby can hear you calling my name~” she giggled. You weren’t actually too Against that. That actually sounded kind of hot to you.

“Please just lay down so you can sleep!” An Idea popped into your mind. “I’ll give you a kiss if you get ready for bed and promise not murder anyone!”

“Just one? Nonono I want more than just kisses her.”she said smugly. “What’s stopping me from taking some right now? You clearly don’t mind.” You sighed.

“I’ll… go on that starry night date of yours if you just comply here.”

“You mean the one where I’ll f*ck you?”

“Yes.”

“Deal.”

Neuvillette

Truth be told the potion wasn’t for him. You had a crush on someone else and when they asked for some water you dropped that in there.

You didn’t know it was for the Iudex of Fonatine. Not until you were dragged into his office and he curled himself around you in his more.. dragon like form. His tail was massive spanning what must be several feet, you couldn’t measure it though considering the way he curled himself, tail included, around you.

“Mine… mine..” he growled as you stood still and shaking. You liked the Iudex sure but you knew he was way out of your league. Apparently he wasn’t.

“S-sir… i- i have work…” you weren’t sure how to get out of this. His grip was tight. His bigger body wrapped around you as he sniffed you. You couldn’t get a inch away.

“Mine.” His growl was more deeper.

“Sir! I-i can’t.. ngh..” you gasped as he held you so tight you had difficulty breathing.

“Say it.” His voice was more stern than you had ever heard. The kind of tone he’d have when dealing with a unruly court.

“S-say what?” Your voice trembled. You wondered if he could kill you with this grip.

“Say that you’re mine.” His voice reverberated throughout your body, making your hairs stand on end. His grip only getting tighter as you became more alarmed.

“I-I’m yours… I’m yours!” You pleaded. To your relief he lessened his grip letting you breathe. However he started instead to.. bite you. You jolted feeling his bite at your neck, it was more like a nibble but it was still a alarming sensation. “S-sir! We’re in your office..” you wished you never used that potion at all. Maybe instead thrown it away. You might not get out of this in one piece.

“I don’t care.. I want you…” His tongue lapped at your sweat as if he was… bathing you? Do dragons clean themselves like cats? Maybe not but it was a jarring sensation. “You’re mine.. I’m not going to let anyone else have you.” He growled as his hands on your uniform pulled it open.

[retrieve-the-kraken]

So after taking some time to clear my head, and letting the wave of relief and closure wash over me, and feeling like someone literally unclogged my brain, I rewatched season 3 of Young Royals, but only finished just the night before I was going away for Easter weekend, so I didn’t have time to write anything.

But now I can finally say this: I liked it much better the second time.

And it wasn’t just the trepidation and anxiety that i had for finding out what happened in the end that kept me from completely enjoying it the first time. It was also that annoying week-long gap that we had to endure before watching the finale.

(I get that they did it for promotional purposes, and it was a lovely thing to be able to have that event for the final chapter, which obviously could only be one chapter, imagine having everyone there for the entire season, everyone watching for nearly six hours… no good.)

That gap, I feel, made it feel like we just landed randomly on an episode that was meant to tie up all the storylines. And of course it is, and of course it still feels that way in regards to some storylines, but wow, what a difference it makes to watch the whole thing as a whole, the way I’ve enjoyed the previous seasons.

I definitely could process it much better the second time around, watching calmly and carefully, and once I jumped straight from episode 5 into episode 6, it definitely felt more cohesive. It felt like it followed the same pattern as the previous seasons, the conflict at the end of episode 5 is very similar in every season, and it felt right.

And the final episode of each season seems to follow a very similar pattern too, except that it shifts a little each time as Wille gains autonomy. In Season 1, the climax was that Wille had to do what the crown said, on the crown’s terms (deny the video, keep August’s betrayal secret, lose Simon), because he didn’t know what else to do, he didn’t have a choice, sad ending. In season 2, he has to do what the crown says (do the speech, play the part of the Crown Prince), BUT he’s doing it on his own terms (telling the truth about the video, being with Simon, even if it means keeping August’s secret), he has somewhat of a choice, bittersweet ending. In season 3… well, it looks like he’s doing what the crown says still… and then he finally realizes that he does have a choice. Sad ending? Nej! He finally gets his happy ending. He has come to terms that the can have a choice.

The second time around, just when we thought we were getting yet another sad ending or bittersweet ending like the previous seasons, it shifted. Plot twist, he’s getting out of the car. Of course there is a lot up in the air (was your first thought also literally “but Wille, you left your bag in the car! You don’t have a toothbrush! You don’t have a phone charger! You don’t have clean underwear!” or are you normal? I am not normal, I have anxiety about things like that), there are many things that will still need to be resolved after the credits roll, but… it felt right.

And of course there are things that got tied up and still felt a bit quick, and things that felt annoyingly left up in the air, but that was precisely what happened each season, things that felt like maybe would get properly addressed the next season, but that’s not how life works. Not everything gets resolved. And it feels a little sadder or more bitter because we’re not getting another season.

But we are. It’s playing in our heads right now. People are writing fanfiction about it. And I can’t wait to absorb it all.

I’m definitely watching the whole season again, and doing a play-by-play analysis like I did for season 2, because I love hyperanalyzing every detail of this show.

Can I just preliminarily warn that I will be gushing about Edvin and Omar, and Nikita and Frida and Malte, so so much? Because the second time watching season 3, I was in awe, true awe, of how good they have all gotten. I mean, they’ve all been incredible from day one, but I feel like there were nuances to their characters this season that highlighted so much how incredible they all are. Particularly my babies, Edvin and Omar, deserve all the awards. Can’t wait to see everything they do.

I will miss them with all my soul. But I don’t have to let go of them yet.

[the-witch-of-one-piece]

Hatori Sohma x F! Reader: I always have 18+ WC:3.9k / Resident: @enchantedforest-network / Masterlist(coming soon)/ Synopsis: The words 'I love you' never came out until it was too late. Seeing the man you grew up with was planning to wed his new girlfriend. You couldn't come to terms with it. Always hearing from friends he does love you, you begin to doubt it, till you talk to him. You didn't want to come between him and his new love and decide to leave. Coming back after a few years it was just you and Hatori at Shigure's home. The discussion that was long overdue for many years finally happens and it comes full of surprises. Tw: Angst in the beginning, oral sex (receiving), fingering, vaginal penetration, making out, a curse being broken for Hatori, comfort, and sex in someone else house, discussing Hatori's injuries. *MINORS DNI 18+*

It’s been a while since you were faced with him. Hatori wearing his nice suit the cigarette he was exhaling from before he looked over at you.. ‘He hasn’t changed a bit’ you said to yourself as you both faced one another.

-Past- 

Your mother married into the Sohma family when you were 5.  You grew up knowing about the curse on the family and the members affected by it.. Growing up with Hatori, Ayame, and Shigure, they were the closest friends you had. They never made you feel out of place always including you in things they were doing. Out of the three, there was always a sense of comfort being around Hatori. Getting older it was evident that there was a connection between you both. But it would change when you left the country to pursue your own goals while Hatori attended medical school becoming the private family doctor for the Sohma’s.

It killed you to be away, but you had a goal...to do it you had to leave. You and Hatori kept in touch over the years of being over seas, but it seemed to slow down after about a few months to the point where you hadn’t heard from him. When arriving back at the estate, you found out about his engagement to Kana… Your heart broke to see the smiling woman next to Hatori when you met her. Putting on a smile in front of them, congratulating the happy couple. Maybe the feelings were one-sided all this time. Everyone was happy to see Hatori happy with someone, you had to pretend to be happy . But even when you tried to hide it was noticed by everyone your smile wasn't as sweet as it was. Ayame and Shigure knew this would be painful for you to witness.

The whole conversation played vividly in your mind when you spoke to Shigure when arriving back. “Was it all a lie?” you looked at him. You were trying to find some falseness in his eyes. “It wasn’t a lie ______, it just happened we didn’t expect Hari to fall in love with someone else when you left…I don’t think he expected it either.” Shigure watched the pain in your eyes as you were walking around the living room of your home. “This is just a thought …maybe he thought you were going to find someone out there who would make you happy, someone who can actually hold you and comfort you. things you know he couldn’t do...”

“I should have told him before I left. Why did I think waiting after so many years of being in love with him it would have taken me long to do so and now…. I can’t” Your eyes filled with tears as you quickly wiped them before they fell. “I can’t even let him know how I feel… It doesn’t matter.”

Shigure felt a bit of your pain seeing that there was always that spark between you both. To see one friend happy and another in pain he was conflicted. “I’m not saying it's too late to let him know maybe you still should. To get that closure, between you both it could help you move on.” You were contemplating Shigure's words, maybe you should… Waiting after some time till it got dark you walked towards his home. Walking down the sidewalk flashback memories of your childhood of you and Hatori displayed so vividly you thought it was real. There wasn’t one bad memory you both had. Knocking on the front door of his home you anticipated when you heard the door handle click then open to find Hatori there. “_____? It’s everything late okay?” He asked you to see if there were any injuries, if he was able to see, or if you weren’t feeling well. “Hey sorry to come so late...I’m okay.” Your tone was slightly weak paired with a small smile.

After he invited you in. You can see the photo of Kana at his side table “What brings you here?” he asked. His hands were in his pocket walking towards you he stood a few feet from you. He could see you weren’t yourself, you didn’t respond to his question originally. “What’s on your mind?” he asked.

The words could leave your mouth. This was a bad idea for you to even come here, but you were here and there was no turning back. “I just wanted to talk to you about something, I just… can’t find the right words to say what I have to say without it sounding so forward.” Hatori watched your body language as you fumbled with your fingers. “There were a lot of things I hadn’t got to say before I left... one of them is a secret, I’ve kept to myself for so long debating if I should tell you or not…” Hatori could see where this was going, a part of him was hoping you weren’t going to say what he wanted to hear from you and something he couldn’t bring himself to say as well. He was with Kana someone he was planning on marrying but the girl he fell for since the moment she entered the Shoma’s estate was here in front of him. “You don’t have to say it… I know.” His purple orbs looked at you.

“I always have… I wanted to tell you but every time I got tired, I got too nervous or it was interrupted. It was hard to be in love with your best friend without expressing it. Not wanting to ruin the friendship… if it didn’t work out. I wish…” you stopped yourself in mid-sentence.  “I wish I would have told you sooner and not wait till now to say how much you really meant to me.”

Hatori let out a low sigh. “It goes both ways ______. Don’t blame yourself. I had opportunities like you did and didn’t take them… When you left for school, I thought you would have forgotten about me and anyone there would sweep you off your feet. Me and Kana…. it…it just happened.” “I don’t want you to think I’m here to break you both up. I’m truly happy to see you found someone who makes you happy.” As much as you hated to say that you accompanied it with a smile. “I know she will make you happy just like you will make her happy. Seeing you smile this much I hadn’t seen since we were younger.” The smile was hiding your pain, but he could see it through the smile. “_______...” there was no doubt the feelings he tried to repress came to the surface quickly. He wanted nothing more than to bring you in his arms but the curse upon him wouldn’t let him do so. “I’m sorry.” He has a bit of resentment in his tone.

“Don’t apologize if you truly love her then marry her… I’m happy I really am.” You were trying to hold back the tears. “I-I think I should get going, I have to be leaving soon…” “leaving?”  He saw you walking past him towards the door before you could reach the door, he grabbed your hand. “You're leaving, but you just got back?” “I was offered a permanent position where I was working. I was deciding if I should take it or not. I think it's time for me to move on.” 

Hatori stopped himself from saying ‘don’t go’ then Kana’s face appeared in his mind. His hand released yours “If that is what you choose to do. I’m wishing you all the luck…” You nodded, still fighting the tears back. You could see the ache he was feeling as well. Your hand reached for his cheek, his eyes closed as your soft hand was gentle against his face. Even though this was goodbye for you both you had to say it to him “I will always love you.” His hand was resting against yours. “I wish things were different. I would have told you I loved you a long time ago.” 

When you blinked the tears fell from your eyes. You had to get away, you couldn’t break down in front of him. You had to remove her hands from his cheek before quickly leaving his home. The more you tried to keep it together you were silent weeping to your home. You couldn’t even hear Shigure and Ayame calling out to you. That night you packed and called for the earliest flight.

“I told you nothing happened.” you walked past Shigure and Ayame who were trying to figure out what was going on. “Obviously something happened and you're not telling us,” Ayame said as he stood in front of the door causing you to stop. Noticing your eye was a bit swollen like you were crying... “As your friend, I know when something is wrong.” “I can’t just stay here knowing the person I fell in love with is going to marry someone else okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? And things would have been different if we just told each other how we felt long ago… I’m saving myself  from the pain of seeing that okay?” 

“He told you then…” Shigure said “Listen, you're not thinking clearly enough, maybe just getting some rest will clear your mind before taking this job offer?” “I can’t I booked the flight and this is only one departing for the next few days.” zipping up the luggage as the taxi arrived. Placing everything in the taxi you looked at Aya and Shigure. “I’m sorry guys. I know it's sudden but I have to do this for myself…I will call you when I can.”

Hatori watched from a distance, both of you looking at one another before you got into the taxi. It would be the last time you both saw each other. The following few days, Hatori and Kana wished to be married and the same day he was injured. One thing after another losing you and losing Kana wiping her memories of what they had. He was alone, he felt like he was unlovable at one point. One's memories were erased while one remained with memories of pain.

After hearing what happened to Hatori you couldn't help but feel guilty, leaving the way you did without saying goodbye properly. It was all weighing on you. Maybe he wouldn’t have asked so quickly if you just didn't tell him at all how you felt. There were times when you wanted to call him but with the first ring, you hung up. You just wanted to hear his voice and ask him how he was doing.

~~~~~~

3 years would pass when you finally decided to visit. Shigure told you that he wanted to talk to you at his home. When arriving at his home no one was there but one person. Sitting on the patio in the back to find hatori smoking a cigarette. “Hatori?” you looked at him. Putting out his cigarette he stood up. “______ it's been a while.” His voice was still so smooth and calming.

“Yeah, it has been... I was supposed to be meeting Shigure here. I didn't expect to see you here.” 

“Well the moron I figured he was up to something. The rest of the Sohma’s knew about your arrival today and he asked me to come here to check out something with his finger. When I got here I saw a note he had to take off but he was expecting company and asked me to stay here till they came.” Letting out a sigh you rubbed your face. This was something that Shigure would have done. For years he wanted you both to speak and you wouldn’ be surprised if Ayame had something to do with this as well..

There was a brief silence between you both as both of you looked at one another. “I think I know why we are both here.” 

“I do too.” Hatori said he looked around outside thinking Ayame and Shigure and whoever else would be around. “Let's talk inside.”

Both of you entered the home as Hatori closed the door and headed to Shigure's office. “That last time we spoke I’m sorry… I felt like I was responsible for what happened to you,” “It wasn’t your fault… I don’t want you blaming yourself over something there was no control over. We didn’t expect it to happen.”  Hatori said “After we talked… it was hard to get you out of my head.. I thought rushing to get married would help me forget you but it didn’t. Deep down I knew it was a bad idea but I went with it still.” Walking towards Hatori your hand reaches you to brush his bangs away from his eye. Your hand slid against his cheek. “I wish I was there to get you through that tough part. I fought with myself wondering if I should come or not, only thinking it would get worse if I came. So I stood away. I didn't want to be the reason for you getting hurt again..” 

“I know _____… after the incident, I gave up on love for a while. I didn’t even try, just keeping myself busy with work. But still, you were there, always pondering in the back of my mind. Wondering if you found someone that was gonna make you happy. Shigure and Ayame would keep me updated with you and how you were doing. Seeing some photos you sent made you seemed happy.” “Hatori…” you were gathering what you were going to ask him. “Do you remember the last thing I told you?” 

He nodded “I will always love you… is that still true _____?” “I never stopped.” 

“The only time I was truly happy that I could remember what was being around you and it was all the time. For you to love someone like me after everything that has happened...I haven't stopped loving you since the beginning.” 

The next movement that happened so quickly was when Hatori pulled you into his arms holding you closely. You were anticipating for him to turn into a seahorse but he stood the same, still holding you in his arms. “You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to hold you in my arms.” Coming out of your state of shock you held him back. It only meant one thing that could have happened: the curse was broken. Even if Shigure stuck his nose where it shouldn’t belong he knew one thing he wanted to happen: he wanted his friends happy. Knowing how you both cared for one another deeply. Hatori could hear the sniffles coming from you. He slightly pulled away his thumb wiping away the tears “No need to cry _______. I’m here now…” his fingers tilting your head up at him he leaned in slightly softly whispering “I don’t plan on letting you go.” leaning more forward the touch of his lips against your felt so unreal words couldn’t describe how wonderful it made you feel. Hatori held you closer closing the gap between you both, his hand resting on the back of your head while the other wrapped around your waist. The built-up passion you both had been suppressing from one another was coming up to the surface and quick. It was a matter of time before you were against the padding cushions of the floor Hatori undoing his jacket placing it on the empty desk beside you both. “Ha-Hatori.” 

“Yes?” bringing himself down lower to you. “Should we be doing this here? What if someone shows up?” asked him. “I don’t think they will. Shigure knew well enough…damn him. Did you want to stop?” he asked, you responded shaking your head quickly, and he let a low chuckle out. He leaned into your lips once again, this time deepening the kiss more feeling the tip of his tongue graze your bottom lip. You granted him access and he took no time as his tongue entered your mouth. He didn’t want to hold back anymore and now that it was just the beginning he was just getting started. Hatori undone the top buttons on the dress. The doctor's hands pushed the top of the dress open to expose your breasts. His hands moved to cup them gently, his thumbs brushing over hardened nipples. His lips found your neck, trailing kisses down to your collarbone.

Biting your lip enjoying his lips against your skin. Your fingers ran through his silky hair as you let out a breathy moan. Closing your eyes for that brief moment heightens the feeling of his lip on your body. Hatori made a small sound of pleasure as he felt your fingers running through his hair. "You're so beautiful," he murmured, kissing lower still.

His comment was sincere to you and caused you to blush hard. Your body is being exposed to him. Him seeing you this vulnerable was a bit embarrassing but you couldn’t bring yourself to cover up and ruin this moment between you both. "Hatori.”

"You were always the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Hatori whispered against your skin as undone the rest of your dress, his nose brushing against your panties. Your heart was racing quickly. You made brief eye contact with him. Hatori looked up at you, your eyes meeting for a moment before he returned his attention to your panties. With gentle fingers, he slid them down your legs, revealing your soft, wet folds. He inhaled sharply, the scent of arousal filling his senses. your eyes focused on his next action eager for his next action anticipation was running through your veins.

His gaze locked onto your aroused form how wet you already become. Slowly, he lowered his head, his lips brushing against your folds teasingly before finally his tongue slid between your slits. You felt your legs trembling feeling his tongue between your folds.

"Mmm..," Hatori moaned softly as his tongue slid deep inside of you, tasting you thoroughly. He thrust his tongue inside of you, moving his lips against your folds before sliding back inside, slowly, deeper and deeper.

"oh god," you were biting back the moans but it was hard. Even if someone was around the home they were gonna hear your voice. Your back arched as your tongue explored between your aching lips the sound of him slurping at your throbbing cunt was filling the room. Hatori was savoring every moan coming from you. It was turning him on causing his member to throb inside his slacks. 

Hatori groaned softly as he continued to taste you, his tongue sliding in and out of your slick heat as he explored your folds and stimulating your clit with his tongue. Your hand began to explore your own body as you began to massage your breast. "Hatori mmm you're gonna make me cum. I- I don't wanna cum just yet." whimpering at his touch.

"Really now?" a bit of taunting was on his voice, lap at your folds continuously. His fingers found their way between your legs,sliding into you."You're so tight..." his skillful hand began to pump in and out of you.

 "Hatori~~~~!" you cried out.

Feeling you starting to get close, Hatori increased his pace, his fingers thrusting faster and deeper inside of you. "Cum for me, ______," he whispered against your folds, his other hand finding its way up to massage one of your breasts. The heat of your body began to increase as your body began to release the blissful sensation that was coming on strongly. The sudden shudder of your body as you climax rushed through your body. You held your breath for a brief moment as the pleasureful ambiance took over you.

"Oh, sweetheart," he slid his fingers out of you coated in your juices. your body was still trembling from your orgasm, raising his body up he finished getting undressed. Bringing himself down. Hatori's lips brushed against your ear as he whispered, "Tell me what you want,______." You felt his body against yours

"For you to claim me, Hatori." your hand cupping his cheeks, your thumbs swiping backs and fourth across his cheeks dropping his head closer to your overwhelming him as he rolled his hips forward, his hard length pressing against your entrance.

 "Are you sure, love?" whispering in a soft tone. 

"It's all I ever wanted. I give myself to you." With a soft smile, Hatori leaned down and captured your lips in a deep, passionate kiss. His tongue danced with yours as his hands slid down your body. The sudden movement of his cock sliding into you made you tense up just a bit as he was stretching you out. Hatori was going gentle as possible a he could feel you clenching around him. "nnnngghhh"

Feeling your tension, Hatori held onto you whispering soothing words that made you relax a bit so it didn’t hurt much. "Let me show you how much I care for you." he gave you a moment before he proceeded to thrust slowly inside of you knowing you needed to adjust to his length. You expected it to be painful considering this was the first time you had done this but when the pain began to subside the thrusting continued to pick up speed. Hatori continued to thrust slowly inside of you, feeling the tightness of your walls grip him. He moaned softly, the head of his cock brushing against your sensitive spots with each thrust...Your fingers intertwined with his and the moans were being muffled as you both locked lips with one another. Each time he pushed deeper, he felt your walls pulse around him. Hatori's body sank into yours, your legs wrapping around his waist. both your lips found one another once more. your arms draping around his neck. His tongue danced together with yours. As Hatori felt the heat between them intensify, he began to pick up the pace even more, his hips slamming into yours in a rhythmic pattern. Letting a slight yelp out. Both of you exchanged sweet words feeling the tension building within you both. "You have always been the one _______" His fingers dug gently into your hips, urging him deeper inside you. ‘This feels so good. I’m not gonna much longer. ’ 

" Hatori don’t stop nghhh." whimpering as he obliged by your request. Seeing you quiver as he could feel you clenching around him.

"_______" he moaned, his voice strained with pleasure. "I'm close." gritting his teeth 

"m-me too”  your lowered eyelid expression showed a hazy appearance in them. Seeing your pupils dilated became too intoxicating to him. 

Feeling the surge of climax approaching, Hatori couldn't hold back any longer. His thrusts became harder, faster, driving deeper into you. His moans filled the room, echoing off the walls as he found release within you. His pelvis pressed against yours holding the position as his cock began to milk inside of you. His eyes didn't pry from yours not one bit. Even just after the climax, it took you both a minute to regain some form of conciseness, your hand reaching up to him as your thumb slid back and forth against his bottom lip.

Panting heavily, Hatori leaned down and pressed his forehead against yours, his breath hot against your skin. "I will always love you, ________."

~~~~~~~

Scoping behind the bushes around his home. They were ready for love story to unfold infant of them. When Shigure and Ayame saw you and Hatori enter the home and close the door. They popped their heads out of the bush. “Aww I was expecting them to just say it all right now confessing their dying love for one another,” Ayame spoke in his theatrical tone.

“Well maybe I would have liked to hear what they had to say to one another, possibly give me ideas for another book I’m doing” Shigure scratched the back of his head. Few minutes of silence they couldn’t hear anything. “Let's get a bit closer and see if we hear them talking.”

As both the men approached the back patio was when they heard something that froze them in their place. You call out Hatori’s name. Doing a quick turn they walked away from the patio. “Are they?” Ayame asked

“Oh yeah.. In my house….” he cleared his throat “Well I guess we can call it the love shack!”

Both he and Ayame gave each other a thumbs up.

[jaylver]

BACK TO DECEMBER — P.JS

synopsis: finding closure by meeting your ex somehow only brought you back to the night in december where you broke his heart. it was then you realised how much you wished to go back and fix everything, but you can’t. 

pairings: non-idol!jay x afab!reader

genre: angst, exes (to friends?), pining, slight rekindling

warning(s): none

wc: 1.3k

a/n: happy december! it's going to be a depressive december where i write angsty christmas related stuff AHAHA. hope you'd enjoy this one! apologies in advance for any mistakes since i wrote this in one shot lawl. as always, please leave a feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated! muah xx

masterlist | © jaylver all rights reserved.

December. 

The blinding white snow and festive season all around that should’ve given you comfort only haunted you. The cold air didn’t compare to the feeling of how your heart felt as you stood outside the cafe. A scarf wrapped around your neck wasn’t enough to stop you from shaking a little, not knowing if it was the nerves or the cold.

The sound of the bell clinking signalled your appearance in the cafe. Warmth spread through you at once, the cheery atmosphere inside was the contrary to the chilliness outside, and it somehow made you feel a little more relieved. However, not completely relieved when you stepped closer to the table where he sat., eventually standing in front of him, watching him slowly looking up from his phone.

“Jong Seong,”

Your past lover stared back at you, the look on his face was indescribable. He seemed as if he had seen a ghost, most likely the ghost of his past. He was still the same, almost unchanging excluding the slight difference in hairstyle. It was the same as seeing him on your last night together. 

“Y/N, hey,” he visibly swallowed, the grip on his phone also tightening. 

You sat on the chair opposite him, noticing a cup of coffee already ordered and placed in front of you. Jay might’ve realised the look of confusion on your face, offering an explanation. “I ordered a latte for you. It’s your go-to order anyway,”

“Oh,” You paused. He remembered your order. After those times, he still kept them in mind. How could he? “Thank you, I’ll pay you—”

“It’s on me, don’t worry,” The same words he would say every time he bought you coffee, the exact actions where he waved his hands and shook his head. They were all identical.

“Alright. Thank you, again,” you managed a small smile, suddenly wishing you hadn’t asked him to meet you in the first place. “I’m so glad you made time to see me,”

“It’s no problem. I’m back to visit my family anyway, I’ll be free,” the fact that he had moved away and gotten another job in a different city right after your break up would always pinch your heart. He had never said anything about leaving, so why did he? Was it because of you?

You nodded briefly, excusing the nightmarish thoughts from your mind. “So, how’s life? Tell me,”

“I’ve been good, busier than ever,”

“Finally settled in?”

“Quite. Not all there yet,” he winced a little, shrugging his shoulders. “You?”

“Not much. Everything’s almost like before,”

‘Before’ was enough for Jay to get the hint. Just the word alone was able to speak more than it should have, causing a sense of solemn settling in the cold evening air. 

You cleared your throat, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. “How’s your family? I haven't seen them in a while,”

“They’re great! Mum and dad are both healthy, they’re the same as ever,”

There it was. The same hint of the past.

The conversation soon rolled into a certain dullness, awkwardness present and apparent. Small talks about work and the weather, you could tell his guard was up, and you knew why. It was because the last time he saw you was still burned in the back of your mind, the time when everything came crashing down.

Once the coffee was drained from your cup, you knew it was most likely time to part ways. You’ve said what you said, you saw his face, unknowingly getting closure in the process. But was it longing that pulled at your heartstrings when you locked eyes with him? His saccharine eyes brought back memories and comfort, the feeling close to home. 

The snow was falling outside when you and him exited the cafe. It was time to part ways, once again. You had your hand wrapped around yourself, and Jay had his hands tucked in the pockets of his coat. The sight of it reminded you of the countless winters you’ve had together, standing at the exact spot, by the entrance of the cafe where you shared your favourite hot coffees at. 

“I’m sorry,”

Confusion turned into hurt, Jay came to term about the meaning behind your sudden burst of an apology. It seemed that he hadn’t let go of it either. There you were, swallowing your pride, facing the man you loved.

“I’m sorry for that night,” the night where you left his roses to wilt and eventually did the same to him as well. 

It was a mistake to have treated him like that, but how could you blame yourself? You were selfish, you had to be, you had to do all it takes to achieve your dreams and breaking the heart of the man you loved was what it took. 

You hated December. If you had the chance, you would go back to the time somewhere in December a few years back to rewrite your mistakes, because it turns out freedom was nothing but missing him. Stupid you were, wishing you’d realised what you had when he was yours. 

Jay heaved a sigh, the air condensing into a mist. “Thank you. I’m sorry too.”

That’s when you knew if you could, you’d go back to December all the time, turn it around and make it alright.

You were haunted, plagued by him. 

Agreeing to an early Christmas party invite shouldn’t have been a regret until you saw his face appearing there, realising that you two shared mutual friends too. In the end, you’d always be connected some way or another, it was inevitable considering having history together.

You wished you were lying when you said you haven’t been sleeping well ever since seeing him that day in the cafe. Staying up and playing back the moment of yourself leaving, the piercing feeling of regret keeping you awake. 

You recalled the start of the year when his birthday rolled around and you cursed yourself for remembering, just like how you remembered everything else about him. His birthday passed, and you didn’t call. For the first time, you weren’t the first to wish him ‘happy birthday’.

It was then you thought about summer, all the beautiful times. You could picture everything perfectly, every second spent together and the littlest details of them all. One that stuck out most was you watching him laughing from the passenger side, the same time where you realised you had fallen in love completely and undeniably. 

That was until the cold came and the dark days when fear crept into your mind. He had given you all his love, but all you did was give him a ‘goodbye’.

Now, as you stared at him from afar, not missing the sparks shining in his irises and the curves of his lips, you finally grasped the unceremonious fact that you missed him, utterly and shamefully so. 

You missed his tan skin, his sweet smile, the way he has always been so good and so right to you. It all brought you back to that September night, when he held you in his arms, letting you cry into his shirt. It was the first time he ever saw you cry, and you allowed yourself to be fully transparent with him.

It was wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming, having him in your thoughts and missing him, but you let yourself feel after a long time. You’d go back in time to change it, yet, alas you couldn’t.

You swore, if you and him loved again, you’d love him right. But now, if the key to his heart had changed, you’d understand.

His gaze travelled over to you, unintentionally locking with your eyes. Longing and sadness clung onto the connection between the both of you, but all you could do was nothing. 

Take me back to December.

( © jaylver all rights reserved. do NOT copy, plagiarise or edit my work and repost whatsoever. once discovered will be exposed and blacklisted. )

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[slut4thebroken]

Closure

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jason Todd x reader

Summary | Under The Red Hood rewrite

Warnings | angst, fluff, murder lol

Words | 4k

Notes | My coping mechanism after watching under the red hood

Ao3 link | <3

Masterlist

Blinding rage. That was all you felt as you stared at Bruce who was silent, waiting for your response. But even through all of the rage you still felt like you misheard him, that this couldn’t be true. 

“What?” You whispered, expression cold but on the verge of shattering any second now. 

“I’m sorry. But you have to understand, this isn’t the same Jason you knew,” 

“How long?” You asked, completely ignoring his response. 

“What?” Everything he was doing was making your blood boil. 

“How long have you known?” You gritted, vision going blurry with tears as your eyes started burning. He sighed and looked away from you for a moment. 

“Three weeks.” Despite your throat starting to close up and the nausea building in your stomach, you forced yourself to respond. 

“You knew he was alive for three weeks and you didn’t tell me?” You swore you almost saw him flinch at your tone. 

“I couldn’t have you going off and doing something to get yourself killed. Like I said, he’s not the same.” His calmness just added more fuel to the fire that was your burning rage. 

“What, you needed time to “take care of him” without me possibly intervening?” You spat. 

“No! I was trying to help him.”

“Bullshit! You really expect me to believe that you give two fucks about him when you put “a good soldier” on his memorial? He thought of you as a father.” The more your voice raised, the more it started to break. “If you really were trying to help him, you would have included me.” 

“I couldn’t have you getting hurt.”

“Stop acting like you were protecting me! Stop acting like anything he could do would be worse than how I felt after he died. You watched me grieve, Bruce. You-” Cutting yourself off with a choked sob, you looked away from him as hot tears burned a trail down your face. “You watched me sit by his grave and cry for hours.” You let out a shaky breath, trying to calm down. 

“You may have lost a soldier, but I lost the love of my life.” 

“I understand what you’re feeling-“

“No!” You screamed, then quickly lowered your voice again. “You don’t. You knew-” You swallowed down a sob and shoved his chest, not moving him at all. “You knew he was alive for weeks and you didn’t tell me.” Another shove. When he once again barely even swayed, you just continued hitting his chest, feeling your rage turn back into the heartache you’ve become accustomed to. “You knew- how could you not tell me?” There were hardly any words that didn’t break while you were speaking. You started hyperventilating the more you cried and the more you thought. 

Would he be as happy to see you as you would be to see him? Would he even want to see you? What if he doesn’t feel the same anymore? Bile rose in your throat at the thought. You genuinely aren’t sure if you can handle that on top of everything. 

Distantly, you heard Bruce calling your name, felt his hands on your shoulders. When you finally came out of your thoughts, you pushed away from him and ran to the front door. He called out, asking where you were going and saying it wasn’t safe to drive in your current state but you ignored him. He already knew where you were going. You wasted no time getting on your motorcycle and driving toward the city. 

You tried to clear your head long enough to figure out where he might be. But if this isn’t the Jason you remember, then all of that information is useless. You went through all of your conversations with Bruce and Alfred, even Dick. But you couldn’t remember any slip ups. It didn’t help that Bruce had been extra secretive this past month. Lastly, you tried to think of just anything a little weird that has happened recently. At first nothing came to mind, but you skidded to a stop once you remembered. 

Two weeks ago you got a call from an unknown number, which you thought nothing of at the time. You answered with a simple “hello?” and there was nothing on the other end. You only said “hello?” once more before the other person hung up. Could it be him? 

With shaky hands you took your phone out of your pocket and blinked away enough tears to actually see the screen. You stared at the number in your call history for only a moment before pressing it. The phone rang three times before the it was answered. 

“Hello?” You asked, clearing your throat once you heard how raspy your voice was. After just silence, you continued. “If this is who I think it is, please meet me. You know where.” You waited for a reply for only a few seconds, then hung up. 

Placing your phone in your pocket, you turned around and sped off. After only a few minutes, you arrived and hesitated. This is the bike you use on patrol… which means there’s an extra tracker on it… After not much debating, you grabbed it and climbed the fire escape. Once you were on the roof, you sat on the edge as your thoughts consumed you. 

This had been your’s and Jason’s spot since the moment you met because this was actually where you had met. You would sit up here for hours every day and just talk and laugh, sometimes cry and hug. Whatever it was, it was always with Jason. 

This was where he told you he was adopted and that his only condition was that the two of you are a package deal. This was where he told you he was Robin and showed you the suit, excitedly asking your opinion on how it looked. 

This was where you fell in love with him. 

As you cuddled on the rooftop, staring at the minimal stars above, you felt the vibrations of his chest against your cheek as he recited a poem. Truthfully, his soothing voice was lulling you to sleep, but you did your best to stay awake, wanting to keep listening. His fingers brushed through your hair, only aiding in your sleepiness. When he finished, you waited for more, but frowned when he stayed quiet. 

“Another?” You asked softly, leaning your head up to look at him. He gave you a small smile and gently pushed your hair, that had fallen forward, behind your ear. 

“I don’t get why you like it so much.” He was teasing you, but you gave him an honest answer anyway. 

“I like hearing your voice, feeling your chest vibrate. I like that you enjoy poetry so much that you actually memorize it, whether it be purposefully or accidentally.” Under the moon and the dim city lights, you could just barely see his cheeks go pink as he gave you a shy smile.  

“And I like knowing that you only recite poems to me. Feels like it’s our thing, you know?” Makes me feel special- like I’m the only girl in the world, is what you wanted to say. 

“How do you know I’m not reciting poetry to anyone else?” He mused. 

“Because you don’t have any other friends.” You chuckled, but it died off when you watched his smile start to fade. 

“I’m not sure I have any friends.” He said quietly, placing his palm on your cheek. You furrowed your brows in confusion for a moment, the second you understood, your eyes widened and your lips parted. 

You prayed that you didn’t misunderstand the meaning behind his words, then whispered, “I’m not sure I do either.” Suddenly very aware of your proximity, you felt your cheeks grow warm as your gaze fell to his lips. You couldn’t tell which one of you was moving forward, inching closer, only stopping once his lips brushed yours, making your eyes flutter shut. The anticipation only lasted another second before he moved his hand to the back of your neck and pulled you into a kiss. It was a little awkward, you struggled to concentrate because of the butterflies in your stomach and the way your head felt light, but you never wanted to stop. When he pulled back, you were both panting, foreheads pressed together and eyes still shut, trying to catch your breath. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He whispered. You pulled back just enough so you could see him and he was mirroring your love sick grin. 

“Me too.” You whispered back, bringing your hand up to cup his cheek. You brushed your thumb over his lower lip, thinking about how you know what they feel like now and how they’re so much better than you imagined. 

“Another?” You said through a breath, forcing your gaze away from his lips to his eyes. 

“Poem or kiss?” The corners of his lips turned up as he glanced at your lips briefly. 

“Both.” 

You tried coming here after he died, hoping it would make you feel closer to him and give you a little bit of happiness in your otherwise dull world. Instead, you sobbed harder than you ever have in your entire life and haven’t been up here since. 

Absentmindedly trailing your fingers over your initials carved onto the brick ledge, you let out a shaky breath. You’ve dreamed about this time and time again, but never in those fantasies had you been so scared. 

A soft noise from behind you made you whip your head around. You clambered to your feet as you took in the man only a few feet from you. He was wearing a red helmet and what looked like causal tactical gear along with an assortment of weapons. This man was slightly bigger than you remembered, but it had to be him. You don’t know what you’ll do if it’s not. 

“Jason?” You croaked, willing yourself not to break down crying right now. You took a step toward him and when he took one away from you, you froze, heart aching even more. 

“Jason, I- please let me see you… Let me help you.” You begged, feeling your eyes start to burn again. 

“Funny. Bruce said almost the same thing.” Despite his words, there was no humor in his voice. 

“I’m not him.” You reminded. “I can help you, Jay. Please let me help you.” Your voice broke as you begged him. 

“You can’t!” He yelled, your heart breaking at the way his voice cracked. You took another step forward and when he didn’t move back, you kept going until you were standing in front of him. 

“Please let me see you.” You whispered. He didn’t move for a few seconds, probably deciding what to do. But eventually, he slowly lifted gloved hands and removed the helmet, letting it drop to the floor. You let out a choked sob as you finally saw him- saw that he was really here. His eyes, surrounded by a domino mask, were red rimmed and blood shot, lips pink and swollen as if he was biting them. 

“I’m sorry.” You whimpered through a sob. “I’m so sorry, Jason.” You brought your hands up to his face and he flinched back, but let you gently place them on his cheeks. 

“I missed you so much.” You whispered, swallowing down another sob. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. You wanted to ask how he’s alive, why he never came to see you, if he’s okay, if he missed you too. But you never got the chance. 

“You can’t see me anymore.” He said quietly, making your stomach drop. 

“What?” You breathed. 

“What I’m doing- it’s too dangerous for you to be associated with me.” 

“I don’t care what this risk is. No pain is worse than not being with you.” 

“I know.” He muttered. 

He stood well within the tree line, being extra cautious to not get caught. But he had to see you. Had to make sure you were okay, that you had moved on and were happy with your life. 

But that’s not what he found at all. Instead, he found your obviously malnourished and sleep deprived body sitting in front of his grave. At first you were just talking, he was just far enough that he couldn’t hear your words. But then you started sobbing. 

You sat in front of his headstone and just cried. The visual made him sick to his stomach. He ached to walk up to you, hug you until you stop crying like he would do on the rooftop all those years ago. But he remained hidden, only leaving after Alfred had brought you back inside. He was glad you at least had Alfred, since Bruce wasn’t equipped to help people deal with their grief properly. 

Only a week later, he called you. The second he heard your voice, he was just frozen. After he heard your voice again, he quickly hung up and then just fell to his knees and cried. He hadn’t felt that weak since the day he died. 

“I know. But I can’t lose you.” He added, tears welling in his eyes. 

“Jason, please. Whatever’s going on, I can help. You don’t have to do it alone.” He started shaking his head and bit his lip as he stepped out of your touch. 

“No. I’m not… I'm different, I’m not the same man as before- the one you fell in love with.” 

“I don’t believe that. If it were true you wouldn’t have come here.” 

“I came here to tell you to stay away from me.” He replied coldly, but you were used to his outbursts that were concealing fear and hurt. 

“And the call?” You stared into his blood shot eyes, trying to find some indication that you were right. All he did was stare back, so you moved forward again and wrapped your arms around him. He stiffened and kept his arms by his sides. 

Burying your face in his chest, you took a deep breath. He smelled different than you remembered. More like leather and gunpowder, but he still had that hint of Jason. And then the sob you had been trying to hold in, crawled its way up your throat. As you cried against his chest, you felt his arms tentatively wrap around you. 

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly. You barely heard him over the sounds of your cries. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” The nickname just made you sob harder and you started babbling incoherent pleas against his chest. 

“Please don’t leave, Jay. I can’t lose you again.” You managed to get out, hoping he could understand you through your cries. You tightened your grip around him, but he kept his hands placed lightly on your back, not pulling you into him like he used to. Before you pulled away, you slipped the tracker into his pocket. Honestly, it’d be a miracle if he didn’t find it. 

“Please.” You whispered. 

“I’m sorry.” Were the last words you got before he was grappling away from the building. 

Part of you felt bad for tracking him, but there’s no way in hell you’re letting him get away again. You just hoped he hadn’t noticed it yet. 

As you walked down the hall, the voices got louder until you recognized the one talking as Bruce. 

“But if I do that… if I allow myself to go down into that place… I’ll never come back.” 

“Why? I'm not talking about killing Penguin or Scarecrow or Dent, I’m talking about him. Just him. And doing it because… because he took me away from you.” Your heart broke at the way Jason’s voice trembled. 

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“That is so sweet.” Joker… You’d recognize that voice anywhere. You could faintly hear a gun being cocked. 

“Well you won’t have a choice.” Jason gritted. 

“I won’t.” 

“This is what it’s all been about. This. You, me, him. Now is the time you decide.” You heard, what sounded like, wood break as he paused. “If you won’t kill this psychotic piece of filth, I will. If you wanna stop me, you’re gonna have to kill me.” So that’s why the Joker is here. 

“You know I won’t.” 

“I’m gonna blow his deranged brains out! And if you want to stop it, you’re gonna have to shoot me. Right in my face!”

“This is turning out even better than I’d hoped.” Joker exclaimed, probably with a sick smile on his face. You could faintly hear something clatter to the floor and then footsteps. 

“It’s him or me. You have to decide. Decide now! Do it!” Jason only grew angrier the more Bruce ignored him. “Him or me, decide!” The second you heard a gun go off and Jason yell in pain, you ran inside. Jason looked surprised to see you, Bruce kept his face neutral so you weren’t sure if he knew you’d be coming or not, and the Joker looked absolutely fucking delighted. He burst out laughing and you picked up the gun that had fallen near your feet. 

“Daddy and his little boy wonder and now the girlfriend? This just keeps getting better!” 

You scanned Jason’s body, other than his hand he seemed okay. Then your gaze slowly moved to Joker laying at Jason’s feet. You kept the gun at your side but tightened your grip on it as your chest heaved in anger. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Batman starting to walk toward you so you pointed the gun at him, making him freeze. 

“Don’t fucking move.” You spat, watching your hand tremble. Bruce said your name, and the fact that he was so calm right now made you even angrier. 

“You don’t want to do this. You can’t come back from it.” 

“Don’t fucking tell me what I want!” You screamed. “He deserves to die. He- he took everything from me!” Your voice broke and you willed yourself to not start crying right now. 

“Aw look, she’s about to cry.” Joker cooed mockingly. 

“Shut up!” You yelled, pointing it back to the man on the floor and gritting your teeth. You were ready to put a bullet in his head, but you wanted him to suffer first. So you aimed it at his leg and pulled the trigger. And he laughed. He just laughed. Batman moving toward you again made you point it back at him. 

“Unless you want one too, I’d stay there.” You growled, specifically aiming for the part of his face not covered by the mask. You don’t want to kill Bruce. But if he gets in your way… you have enough rage that you might try. He stopped moving, but then turned to Jason. 

“You can stop this. You’re the only one who can get through to her.” 

“And why would I do that? She deserves some closure after what he put her through.” He all but shrugged, gesturing to the Joker. 

“This isn’t closure and you know that.” 

“Right,” You scoffed, “because closure is putting him in Arkham just so he can escape again.” You understood Bruce’s morals and why he does things the way he does, but after maybe the fifth time of Joker escaping, you at least would have figured something else out to keep him away permanently. “The fact that you’re not willing to kill the sick fuck who murdered your own son just so you can keep up this little game you two have, makes you just as bad as him. Maybe even worse.” 

“Batsy and I just have a special connection.” You didn’t even bother replying, you just fired the gun at his other leg, then pointed it back to Bruce. 

“He’s dying tonight.” You said, voice eerily calm. “Who pulls the trigger is up to him,” You motioned to Jason, but kept your eyes on Bruce, “but he’s not leaving here without a bullet in his head.” 

“Don’t do this. It won’t change what happened and you know that.” Bruce said, making you scoff. 

“I don’t care. You’re telling me if the man who killed your parents was right in front of you, you wouldn’t kill him?” He didn’t reply. He just stared at you and clenched his jaw slightly. 

“Jay, you or me?” You said, turning your head toward him but keeping your eyes on Bruce. 

“Bats, you’re just going to let them kill me?” He asked, probably with a smirk. 

“Go ahead, sweetheart. I had my fun before you got here.” You didn’t have to look at him to know he was smirking. 

“Hold off the bat, will you?” You asked, knowing Bruce would make some last minute move to stop you. 

“I remember it like it was yesterday.” The Joker smirked, looking up at you. “Poor little Robin, bleeding out, crying… waiting for you to come save him. Why is it that you never came?” You shot him in the stomach and Jason moved between you and Bruce when he started walking forward to stop you. 

“Did you not love him enough? Was he not worth saving?” He jeered, then started laughing. You slowly stalked toward him until you were standing above him. 

“You’re lucky I don’t have more time. I’d like to see you try to laugh after I cut out your tongue.” You spat. Lifting your leg, you put your foot on top of the hole in his thigh and pushed down, making him cry out. By now, everything else had drowned out. All you could focus on was him. The man who murdered the love of your life. Any doubts you might’ve had were immediately erased with that thought. 

“Any last words?” You spoke bitterly, leaning closer to his face. He opened his mouth to speak and you pulled the trigger, making him instantly fall to the floor, a pool of blood growing around his head. 

“No!” You heard distantly, but you ignored it and savored the moment. You never thought in a million years thought you’d have the opportunity to do what you’ve dreamed of. And now that you have, it’s like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. 

A hand on your arm pulled you back and you watched as Bruce towered over you, taking the gun and tossing it across the room. 

“What? Disappointed you’ll have to find a new person for your sick game?” 

“He would have paid for what he did-“

“He did pay. With his life.” You said sternly, pushing him away and standing up. You walked toward Jason, who had a new bruise on his face, and heard Bruce’s steps behind you. When Jason held up a detonator, he froze. He pushed the button and immediately grabbed your waist and pulled you to the window. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he jumped out and fired a grappling hook up to the closest building. As you landed, the bomb went off. 

“Do you think he made it out?” You asked. 

“Without a doubt.” He scoffed a laugh and you turned to him with a small smile. “We should probably leave though.”

“Before he has a chance to get to us.” You added with a nod. 

A week later, you were laying on the couch in Jason’s safe house with your feet on his lap. Both of you were reading a book, the tv quietly playing “breaking news” about Joker's death, until you spoke up. 

“Do you think I shouldn’t have killed him?” You asked, biting your lip and looking at him over your book. He paused and moved his own book to his lap as he looked at you. 

“I think if it’s haunting you, then you shouldn’t have. I would’ve done it instead. But if you’re glad he’s dead because of you, then no I don’t.” You mulled his words over in your head. Despite the fact that you got what you wanted, you felt… unfulfilled. 

“Should we have done it differently? Taken him somewhere so we could do more than just shoot him?” Before Jason’s death, you never under any circumstances would’ve admitted to regretting killing someone and wishing you had tortured them first instead. But grief can change a person... 

“Sometimes I think about that too. But I’m just glad he’s dead. Plus, he suffered plenty, what with you shooting him three times before killing him and all.” He chuckled almost proudly. 

“Aw man…” You whined, suddenly getting sad, making him confused. 

“What?” 

“I should’ve shot him in the dick.” You sighed and he burst out laughing. You smiled but didn’t laugh with him, too focused on finally seeing him happy since before he died. His laughter trailed off and he looked at you with pink cheeks. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked with a nervous smile. 

“I just- I like seeing you happy.” 

“You are so cheesy, you know that?” He chuckled, the love sick grin on his face mirroring yours. 

“I may be cheesy, but at least I’m not lit-nerd cheesy. I mean for god's sake, you literally recite poetry to me.” You smirked, making him scoff. 

“Fine. I guess I won’t anymore, since you hate it so much.” You could tell he wasn’t being serious, but your smirk dropped anyway. 

“Don’t you dare.” You warned, playfully narrowing your eyes at him. 

I’m so sorry idk how to end this lmao