#how do you tag K2???

[mosttsundereofplants]

Third to last episode of Freshman Year: it’s all coming together. The enemy is revealed, but so much time has been lost that chances of victory are slim. The heroes must rush to save their families, terrified they may arrive too late, and regroup with little rest to face their final battle.

Third to last episode of Sophomore Year: Kristen is dead (again). The party must split up and face their worst fears in shockingly emotional scenes, eventually to reunite with each other and prepare for the fatal fight ahead, searching for any way to save their fallen friend.

Third to last episode of Junior Year: “blimey.” *explodes*

[sansxfuckyou]

Compact Confessional

Summary: Mysterion is holding something from the rest of the Freedom Pals. They should respect his privacy, they really should- but they only take it as a challenge.

Warnings: Suggestive themes, privacy breach, betrayal of trust, swearing, feral behavior (in Kite), the authors attempt at humor, heavy guilt, interrogation, it gets worse but then it gets better guys, I promise

Authors Note: hurgh K2, with the additional flavor of kitesterion because I went batshit over the AU to an insane degree. I have no clue when the Ao3 port is dropping. Sorry if some of the colored text, isnt colored. And fair warning, this badboy levels around 10K words, tumblr starts to lag around 7.5K for anyone curious. it is almost 3 AM (do artists ever stay up insanely late to finish big projects and get so sleepy they forget the hotkey for the eraser tool? I wouldn't know, but somewhere along the line I kept trying to write segue way with a Q because I was fucking disoriented) I need to go to sleep right the fuck now

Mysterion is keeping something from the Freedom Pals, he's keeping something from all of them. Maybe if he was willing to talk about it with someone everyone wouldn't find it so intriguing. Maybe then everyone wouldn't want to know what it is that's so fucking important that no one is allowed to know about it.

Super Craig tries to act like it's nothing super big, aware that if everybody paid no mind to it that it might come out faster. Tupperware followed suite with the idea, Wonder Tweek tagging in as well. Other members of their franchise were a lot less… subtle, about their interest in Mysterions secret, whatever it is. The Coon is practically begging him every single day to tell him what it is, Call Girl even joins in. Toolshed is pretty sure the both of them are just making things worse it they want Mysterion to come clean.

Human Kite is the only one that refuses to meddle at all, even Doctor Timothy has tried getting a peek in Mysterions mind. The alien is the only one that sits there and listens to him bitch about how annoying they are. The only one that pauses to look and listen and take in every visual and audible cue because that's what he's known to do since he first landed way back when. It tells him a lot about his teammates if nothing else.

Still.

Mysterion- no, Kenny McCormick is hiding something from his friends. And given the fact that it's barely coming out even when he's in a state of delirium or terribly wounded, it must be something big.

It's starting to piss off Kyle a little bit.

-/-/-/-

"Thanks for letting me hang out for a bit man," Kenny said as he pulled on his orange parka. He opted to leave his bleached cargo shorts and purple everything else in a pile on Kyles bedroom floor. It was easy to do that when the alien offered to wash them, "Chilling with Cartman all the time definitely does not do wonders for ones mental health."

Kyle gives a laugh, the kind that leaves teeth too sharp on full display. "Totally, I swear to fuck that asshole needs therapy," He stills his tail from wagging like he's a little kid, except, when he was a little kid he tied his tail up so it wouldn't be exposed in an all too human world. An extremely uncaring world for anything different then what they know as normalcy.

"He needs so much therapy," Kenny answered with, "See you tomorrow?"

"On our patrol, I'll make sure your suit is washed," Kyle said, throwing an arm to the side, an invitation for a hug. He wouldn't be sad if Kenny didn't take it, but he still can't help the way his heart skips several beats when he gets one. An anchoring tightness enveloping him, squeezing a comfortable amount on his rib cage that would hurt if he was human.

"Thanks Kyle," Kenny said quietly, head propped near Kyles shoulder but not quite tall enough to rest it on top. He pushes himself on his tippy toes to press the top of his head to the bottom of Kyles chin. He takes a dramatic step back and maybe Kyles tail is swaying a little bit with a silky soft comfort residing on his skin. He clasps his hands together, "Tomorrow."

"Yeah man, see you then," Kyle said, the instant he realized his tail was doing the thing he stilled it entirely. He felt a slight singe of cyan embarrassment. Stupid alien anatomy. Giving away how he feels.

Kenny pivots on his heel and gives a wave, "See ya man!" His steps are light and Kyle is watching with maybe a little bit too much intent.

He has zero legal rights to do so, but emotional and psychological rights? He has plenty. The first one being that he might've imprinted on Kenny the second his family landed on earth. He might've latched onto both Mysterion and Kenny like an orphan duckling in his childhood era of existing- so much so that he couldn't help the absolute giddiness when he learned they were the same. Maybe he got a little bit too attached to Kenny compared to everyone else in a human sense. But in an alien sense, in his instinctual sense, he was the perfect amount of attached considering how he thought of Kenny.

The second reason he stared was because Kenny had an undeniably amazing ass. That wasn't just personal opinion either, they held a vote after a particularly odd argument in the Freedom Pals lair. Kenny won by an absolute fucking landslide in the votes and voter fraud having taken place can't be confirmed or denied by anyone.

Except for Doctor Timothy of course.

And if there is a god, Kyle is praying everyday that the human one makes sure that Doctor Timothy doesn't look into the legitimacy of the votes.

Kyle barely drags himself back from his thoughts, he's been told he can get lost in them sometimes. His tail is wagging again, the multicolored diamond-like frills undulate a little bit. He swings the front door shut reluctantly when he can't see Kenny anymore. He tugs off his gloves and tosses them in a pile alongside his hat, letting the splotchy cyan coloration of his skin show. He makes his way up to his bedroom, but he finds his impossibly human little brother standing in his doorway.

"Ike, get out of the way," Kyle said sternly, giving a bit of a growl under his voice. His adoptive brother just quirks a brow in that annoying manner he learned from the humans.

Ike clears his throat, "No."

"Well why not?" Kyle questioned, growl snuffed and replaced with something louder and more resonant, it vibrated in his brothers flesh. It was something that Ike long since lost the ability to be intimidated by.

"When are you gonna stop inviting over your little posse of partners eh?" Ike asked, crossing one arm over the other. His tone was nothing but accusatory, Kyle saw through it.

"Are you jealous?" Came Kyles instant reaction.

"No," Ike responded with far too fast to be true.

"I'll play some video games with you on Thursday," Kyle offered.

Ike moved out of the way, "Enjoy wallowing in your disgusting room bud."

Kyle ignored him with nothing more than an eye roll, he made a point of slamming his door shut. He kicked aside a small heap of whatever, a mix of something or other he'd been intending to clean up. He gently picks up a small stack of comics Kenny had lent him and places them on his desk. Right beside the Mysterion charm. And the Mysterion action figure. And the other pieces of shitty Mysterion merchandise he had bought.

Okay, yeah, maybe he had a little bit too much Mysterion merchandise. He was just trying to put some extra cash into Kenny's pocket for when money is tight around the house. He just wanted to make sure his best friend was living a decent life, it wouldn't be enough to give him the life Kyle knew Kenny deserved, but it would help.

He takes hold of Kennys outfit and empties the contents of the pockets into a small bin. Loose change, granola bar wrappers, pocket knife, lock pick, the usual stuff he carried around for hero duties and then some. Kyle shakes the hood loose of any twigs or leaves and something large enough to clatter as it hits the metal netting of the bin falls out. His pointed ear gives a flick at the noise, he's dropping to the ground and pulling it out in a second.

He's completely enveloped in the mystery of what was hidden in Kennys hood because A: fucking genius hiding spot, and B: this could be what Kenny was hiding. It could be exactly what Kenny was trying so hard to keep under the radar, what he successfully kept hidden from everyone's prying eyes.

He came up with a tape, jet black, scratched plastic and a cracked see through window bit. There are silver markings across the black, seemingly unpredictable and laid out with either sharpie ink or a paint pen. The paper label is coffee stained and reads the date, recorded last month (why it's still on Kennys person is odd). The log number is left blank, presumably stated in the recording.

It was a jackpot and somewhere in the back of Kyles mind he knew he should ignore it. He knew this was shattering every rule in the book and that he'd be shattering his friendship with Kenny, Mysterion and Human Kite would probably stop being a dynamic duo at that.

But, he needed to know.

He absolutely fucking needed to know.

He wouldn't dare speak it too anyone ever, and he'd return it to the hood right afterwards. He wouldn't even tell Kenny that he listened to it, he'd just sleep at night knowing exactly what Kennys secret is. And that would be more than good enough for Kyle, he wouldn't need anything else.

He reaches blindly for his cassette player, the one he's held onto since he was young. One of his earliest earthly possessions, one he still cherished and used every day. He popped out the cassette already inside and gently placed the pilfered audio into it. He eagerly grabs his earbuds before pressing play.

Professor Chaos is pretty fucking sure doing this shit is helping out my mental state or whatever He doesn't know what he's dealing with He doesn't know that he's playing with fire trying to get me to spill my guts on his fancy therapy chair But, here I am, sitting on top of the police station fully decked out in my Mysterion persona just chatting it up with myself again

I already know exactly what the problem here is Chaos, the center of this massive shitfuck that even paid therapy couldn't fix!

I've probably said that a million times in every one of these stupid fucking recordings... shit I forgot to do that log date ha!

Ahem, log three, topic. Whatever comes out of my fucking mouth.

Kyle presses pause hesitantly.

Oh god.

This is an audio diary, just for spilling Kennys guts.

And he's listening to it.

He should stop. He really, truly, should.

But he doesn't.

Instead he presses play.

Where were we? Right, right, just saying whatever shit that comes to my mind . . . I'm pretty sure that Kyle thinks I can't see him stare at me whenever I fucking bend over or walk away I'm not complaining, I'm flattered really But jeez man just say it outright if you think I have a hot ass

The pause button is slammed this time.

Kyles face is burning up because Kenny knew apparently, he knew that Kyle stared at him at every chance he gets. He feels his stomach twist a bit because oh man, he got caught staring and Kenny didn't even mention. The usage of 'you' makes Kyle feel even more called out on the matter.

He could drop out now, maybe that's the secret, that Kenny knows he stares. He could sleep at night saying that's the thing he's keeping hidden.

I can't talk much if you put everything into consideration But still! Human Kite himself staring at my ass . . . That's fucking awesome if I'm being honest I would hope I'm being honest cause who else is gonna listen to the truth aside from this stupid tape

Like, I'm just doing whatever and I can feel it He is staring holes into me, somedays it's like he's hitting me with those fucking laser eyes! That'd be hilarious actually One second I'm loading a dishwasher and the next my ass is on fire because he couldn't help but stare The Coon would be laughing about that till he's dead

So would Toolshed

And Call Girl

And Mosquito

We'd all get a good laugh out of it

Except for Human Kite

I think he would die of embarrassment if he lit my ass on fire It'd be adorable Bright blue face, ears drooping the slightest bit, maybe his tail would do something I don't know He'd probably say sorry a lot All I know is that after I'm done putting out the fire I'd say "it's fine!" And then I'd think about how cute he looks for weeks on end

Fuck he's absolutely amazing in every sense of the word God, I'm supposed to use these to rant about my shitty family Not gush about my partner in heroics . Oh well

He's perfect! I swear on my mothers grave he is everything That grin he gets whenever he's about to blow someone sky high I can see almost all of his fangs when he does it, which are fucking scary by the way But I'll be damned if it isn't a little bit hot to think about He could kill me and I'll love him He could do absolutely anything to me and I'd still want him so fucking much

And!

And, and, and There's this little thing he does whenever he gets happy Where the weird bits on his tail like, shake? They move, his tail also wags But the frills don't move unless he's actually happy He can fake the wag but he can't fake the frills moving

It's so fucking cute and weird and different I love it

Anyways! This is South Parks number one worst superhero coming to you live from the top of the police station!

. . .

Shit I think someone heard me

Kyle is paralyzed as the tape ends, letting every single word soak into his brain. His tail is doing the thing, it's wagging. Every nerve in his body is alight and he feels his stomach twisting into knots. His claws are digging into the plastic of the tape player as he just stares. His eyes end up resting on his desk, his laptop, with all of his external attachments.

There's a rush to his movements as he grabs it and the oddest, most useless, thing he owns. A reverse recorder of sorts, a simple thing he crafted but never thought he'd have a chance to use. He flips open the top and jams the plug into it's socket before sliding the cassette as gently as possible into the gadget. He should not be doing this, he really shouldn't be doing this.

But he can't keep the cassette to keep hold of the audio, he needs too extract it if he ever wants to hear it again. Which is wrong, and bad, and he absolutely needs to stop but he isn't. He's clicking 'extract' and watching that loading bar fill up gratingly slow.

He places down his laptop gently and balls up the fabrics before leaving. There's a twist of wrong in his gut, but he ignores it as he swings open the washing machine door. He knows how fucking wretched this is, that he'll be absolutely ruined if anyone finds out. He won't be able to live down the shame of having anyone catch word that he knows the secret. That he knows what it is that's keeping Kenny wound up so tightly.

He'll just keep his mouth shut.

Real easy.

Real simple.

-/-/-/-

Kyle might be abusing the knowledge he garnered from the tape, maybe a little bit. He might be curling up next Kenny a little bit more than often, hunched under a flowing purple cape like a cougar despite the height difference. Just maybe he's resting his head atop Kenny's a little bit more than usual, purring a little bit louder whenever he comes into contact with Kenny.

He really doesn't care though, maybe there's a twisted sense of catharsis he gets from the knowledge that yes, it's reciprocated, despite doing nothing to change it. Being awkward homies acting like there's nothing going on below the surface is entirely acceptable and everything that he's wanted from Kenny the second his family landed. Definitely. Absolutely. He didn't imprint. He absolutely did not imprint. He killed off that instinct way back in fourth grade.

Right after he met Kenny.

One second too late. And he is one hundred percent sure everyone in his family can see it, even Ike! Except, the little shit will hold it over him if he gets a chance. Taunting and teasing that Kyle imprinted on his best friend instead of literally anyone else. Of course, the asshole knows better what with every member of his family sporting claws made to rend flesh.

"Kyle!"

The Broflovski perks up a bit at his name being called. Stan sits down across from him, sliding his safety glasses off as he does so.

"You good man?" Stan asked, Kyle nodded.

"I'm great, amazing even," Kyle said, he gestured vaguely as he spoke.

Stan stayed silent for a moment.

Kyle heaved a heavy sigh, "I think I fucked up the first day I landed."

"That was years ago, and just now it's affecting you?" Stan asked. He kicked up his feet to rest on the table.

"Yeah, and Kenny's sort of being an ass. He can trust us, he can trust us more than anyone else in this fucking town!" There's an exasperated exhale as he comes down from the near shout, "How come he's not telling us?"

Stan shrugged, "That's his business, if he doesn't want to tell us, just respect that."

"But-"

"Respect it," Stan pressed, "He might fess up to you first if you just give him time."

"I doubt it," Kyle muttered, barely loud enough for Stan to hear. His tail is snaking around his waist tightly. Tight enough he can feel it sting just a bit.

"Dude. Firstly, calm down," Stan said, Kyle glared at him. The ravenette simply gestured to the prehensile appendage squeezing the air from Kyle's lungs. He drops it, "Secondly, you're his best friend. If he's telling anyone it'll be you."

Kyle gave a hesitant nod, "Yeah, that makes sense."

Stan gave him a grin, comforting, grounding. He dropped down his feet and leaned over the table, holding out a hand. Kyle placed his atop Stan's, his hand was larger. Cyan tinted fingertips tapping along an open palm, "It's fine man, he'll tell us soon enough. It's not like he can keep a secret forever."

"No, you're right man. He can't keep a secret from us forever," Kyle said, a small grin on his face as Stan tightened his grip.

"Now stop stressing so much," Stan said, "Go get some calamari or whatever."

-/-/-/-

Kyle finds the next tape in a vent on top of Unplanned Parenthood while he's on a mission. He's quick to slide it into his pocket before Mysterion can notice. He can't just, jeopardize this discovery, he isn't even sure if he can call it a discovery if he's sure of what it is.

A shoulder collides with him and he stumbles just a bit. His arms are quick to push Mysterion right back up again. There's a crack down his lips and he looks to Kyle, "Get your head in the game, Kite!"

A blast of something or other comes straight at them and there's a brief second of hesitation before Mysterion is tossed out of the way and Kyle is ducking. The blonde is easily caught again and placed down, "Gladly," He takes Mysterion's hand, "Show me how?"

There's a smirk, bone chilling to many but it only makes Kyle's stomach flutter. Mysterion tightens his grip briefly, "Let's go then."

He's quick to launch Kyle forward with a running start, the alien tackling down whichever thug is on them now. Claws detract and tear through silver hued gloves as he snarls, easily dwarfing the goon. They're shaking as Kyle bares his fangs, tail thrashing about and body hunched in a predatory stance. Is he snarling? He is, he's proud of it too as he brings himself to be face to face.

He rears back on his knees, clawed hand raised and ready to slash. He goes to tear open their throat, but a grasp at the back of his collar prevents him. It short circuits him a little bit as the fabric of gloves press against cool skin.

"My friend here isn't exactly human," Mysterion said calmly as he released Kyle's costume. He stayed still and glanced up to Mysterion.

There's a shaky nod from the thug.

"Now, you have two options," Mysterion said. His tongue briefly slid between lips to capture the blood seeping from the crack. He circled around the dropped person a bit more, "Number one, you leave. You run to Canada, and never bother us again."

No response.

"Number two, Human Kite kills you. Right here," Mysterion snaps his fingers and as practiced Kyle gnashes his fangs with a growl, "Right now."

"I'll run! I'll leave!" The convict practically screamed.

"Fine, Kite?" Mysterion said. Claws come down atop the goons eye, deep enough to scar and maybe to go blind in one eye. Kyle stands up, red contrasting the cyan of his fingertips, he watches them run and revels in it.

Once they're far off, darting down staircases and running through the streets, does Mysterion take a seat. He drops down on the roof and Kyle takes a seat beside him, frilled tail wrapping around Mysterion's waist. A hand comes to push back the hood and he leans his head on Kyle's shoulder.

"Dude, being a hero is so sucky," Kenny said with a light laugh, "I just wanna get killed sometimes."

Kyle gives a hum.

"I just come back anyways, but we seriously haven't faced anyone actually dangerous in years," Kenny said, gesturing vaguely as he spoke to drive in the point.

"Definitely," Kyle said, Kenny dropped down onto his back. Kyle leans back to meet him in eye contact.

"I miss when this shit was fun," Kenny said, a sigh on his voice as he spoke.

"I think that most of us do," Kyle answered with. His tongue, forked, flickered out for a brief second.

"You're just like a snake man," Kenny said.

Cyan rose to Kyle's face, "The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Like, your tongue. It looks like a snakes, forked," Kenny said, he did the spock thing with his hands as if to display forked. He stuck out his tongue at the same time, "It's really fucking cool. You got some scales right? And those weird little ridges on your back? All of those are snake-y things, Kyle."

"Yeah, cause I'm a freakish little dude," Kyle said extravagantly, as if to make his point he gave a set jazz hands, gloves off to expose to smallest bit of cyan webbing. He sticks out his tongue between too sharp teeth, "Absolutely monstrous."

"I'd hardly say 'little' is the word for you, ya six foot monster," Kenny taunted back, "And I love ya for that man."

Kyle barely beats down the intensifying flush on his face, "Well, won't stop me from being at least a little bit snake like. It's more fun to be a weird creature than a human anyways," He drops down and nudges Kenny's shoulder with his head until he sits up and nudges off the silvery cape. A hand rests in a tangle of red curls for a brief moment before the alien curls around Kenny's back.

"You're also very... Cat. Very feline. Very not human," Kenny said, words teasing but loving nonetheless.

He rested his hand on top of Kyle's head, gently sifting through a sea of red. He leaned back on his friends torso a little bit as he brought a second hand to run through Kyle's hair. He shifted around a bit to rest almost on his knees, facing Kyle just a bit more. His side pressed to Kyle's lower rib cage, his hands didn't leave the redheads hair for a second. He slid down his friends face just a bit, callused thumbs briefly brushing over the ever sensitive auricle fins he had. Were they fins? Not quite, just cyan flares at the base of pointed ears.

He let his fingers scritch just past the back of Kyle's ears, resting atop the buzzed patch of hair. Olive green eyes fluttered shut as Kenny just rubbed right there, the sweet spot. He slumps into Kenny's hands, chin resting at the heel of his palm (he can't see the gentle smile on Kenny's face).

The blonde nearly explodes when Kyle starts to purr. It starts soft, but it slowly grows, shaking Kenny down to his core with his side pressed against Kyle's diaphragm. Or his lungs. Or his whatever it is that makes that wonderful rumbling sound giving Kenny enough serotonin to live forever. He already will, but this is making that eternity sound a lot more bearable. Then he hears a thudding- three, soft thumps before it resets and happens again. His tail is wagging, Kyle really likes being scratched behind the ears apparently.

Kenny's pretty sure he's falling asleep with the pads of his finger, despite being rough and scratchy, gently rubbing behind his ears. He lifts his fingers for a second too long and Kyle opens up his eyes, "Why'd you stop?" He sounds groggy and disappointed, he stops purring.

Kenny picks up the motions, "You were falling asleep," He tosses his cape over Kyle's form.

Kyle lazily blinks, one eye, then the other. He shrugs the best he can, "And?"

"Good point," Kenny said on a hum as he twirls a finger through curls, a light tug.

Kyle's tail starts to thud again and he's sure the afterglow of this will never fade.

-/-/-/-

Kyle's feeling a little bit guilty about tuning into this tape.

Not nearly enough to make him stop though.

He drops down on his bed comfortably, he doesn't even bother to put in his earbuds. His parents are out for the weekend, his brother is at Kenny's to hang out with Karen, presumably fishing. He knows that he's bound to get a call from Ike sometime in the night for a ride, for Ike, Karen, and maybe even Kenny if it's really rough. But, he'll have enough time to listen to the entirety of it.

He presses play.

I think shits getting worse I'm not using these things properly I should be using these for literally anything else! I could talk about how much I worry about my sister, or my money problems, or whatever!

But I'm still using these tapes for just a few little things

Mostly talking about Kite Not gonna use his actual name this time cause someone heard me last week I'm pretty sure I ran them out of town For good

Do I feel bad about that?

Absolutely not

Gotta protect a mans privacy, even if that means blood and intimidation Which uh, I swear it didn't involve blood This time at least

Now, log number... nine? I'm pretty sure this is number nine I would go back and check 'em all out again, but I lost one of them No clue where the little fucker went But it's gone

Kyle pauses the tape. There's missing ones- he needs to find it before Kenny does. He can just put it back later, like he'll do with this one after he's done thoroughly listening to it. He put back the last one, slid it back into the hidden pocket and acted like it never happened.

Of course, since then he's always checked the hidden pocket whenever he got a chance to do so. But, he's been unlucky in terms of finding any up until this one which leaves him with the idea that the rest have been planted around town. He shuts off his rampant train of thought- he is not going to try and sleuth out all of the tapes. He still has some respect for Kenny's privacy, he still has some intention to keep their friendship intact, and most importantly, he still has full intention of never acting on any of what he hears in said tapes.

That would give away that he's been listening to them, a risk he can't take. He clicks the button again.

Look, I always knew Kite was a weird one Everyone does The guys alien, so we cut him some slack on human things that go mostly unspoken

Conversational subtext, call frequency, having beer on ice- simple shit

And in turn, we also try to learn a bit about his species culture I don't even know if species is the right word Does that make me racist? Are aliens even a race to be racist against? Could I even discriminate if only... Three, exist on earth?

So many questions, so little time

Of course, there isn't exactly a lot about his kind I doubt there's a lot of his kind His mom keeps making quips about how all of them would come to earth if it was easier to integrate But honestly? If you just got rid of the alien extremities I would not be able to tell that Kite isn't human

Same with his parents The lot of them blend in perfectly Don't know why she stresses so much And even if they didn't, they have a human to vouch for them A bunch of humans actually

There's a brief pause where Kyle let's himself think about that for a moment. He's never had a chance to think about it before. He doesn't really dwell on it for longer than a minute, flipping himself onto his stomach. His tail lazily sways back and forth as he listens/

I think I got off point there

Allow me to relocate and get back to what I was supposed to be talking about

. . .

There is a fucking line, Kite! You stay on your side of the line! You can't just walk over to my side! Just waltz on over like you own the fucking place! And just, act like it's no big deal! You just sit down right next to me. Like. Right next to me, are thighs are fucking pressed against each other and you lean into me! You just, push your head up against my shoulder like a fucking cat until I give you attention

Which I always do I'm weak

And then you start purring, and your tail does a dumb little wag! And I'm sitting there, begging and pleading, that I don't do something dumb You're putty in my fucking hands Asking me to just shower you in attention! I do, I always do- I always sit there and give you attention

Whatever it is you want I'd give it to you I'd do it for you Anything, for you

The voice softens just a bit, lowering itself. He sounded so very, very mad. Not even mad, just agitated. His voice is heady, wrapped into the narrative he's spinning so accurately. Kyle feels his stomach flip at the words droning so deeply into his skull. The notions made his skin tingle, heart pulsating so very fast he wouldn't be shocked if it exploded all at once.

But no! I stay on my side of the line Like a good boy

Because I don't wanna freak him out Or scare him off

I feel like such a fucking perv And I am a bit pervy I am fully aware of the fact that I am known to stare if someone fine is walking by

But.

To stare at Kite? To want Kite?

It definitely caught me off guard

And he isn't human He doesn't get it I touch him I feel like I'm dirtying him Even if it's just a high five! I have too much on mind for this shit

I see that idiot and you know what I wanna to do?

Do you even wanna to know what I want do to him?

Kyle slams the pause button, he can feel his nerves shoot up in shock. His tail has went from lazily thumping back and forth to wagging like that of a dogs. The minute ridges on his back are shaking, just a bit. He may be mildly cold-blooded, but right now he really can't tell.

He looks down at his hands and they're entirely cyan, normally just a little bit at the tips. The hue shoots up his forearms. He can practically hear his heartbeat pounding in his chest, the sound bangs back and forth in his skull.

Oh.

Oh he's opened up a massive can of worms with this tape.

He keeps listening

I'd just

.

I would-

.

Fuck man I can't even say it out loud I don't know what I was thinking!

I'm sitting on top of city hall and I was about to go off about how I'd fuck him!

Could I even fuck him? Are the species compatible? Do aliens even have reproductive organs?

They must They totally do How else do they, how do they reproduce? Eggs?

. . . Nasty

But I would fucking worship him I would do whatever he asked me too Even if he's too unversed in human reproduction to ask me too fuck him up I'd still do what he asks me too

You wanna go out at that new pizza place that charges by the minute? Let's go darling

You wanna go check out the newest arcade cabinet? Baby, the cars already running

You want me to get your logo as a tramp stamp? I might not do that one actually . That's a lie I'd do anything for him

. . .

God, I'm such a mess I need real therapy

Kyle has long since buried his face in a pillow to muffle his screams (although they're closer to high pitched squeals) and cover his ears. He feels like he's running a fever, a really, really bad fever. Every square inch of his body is on fire and he can't care much that he's clawing into his pillow, downy soft feathers spilling from gouges.

He's drawing a blank.

A complete and utter blank.

He hears the click signalling it's over and he feels his stomach twist in regret.

It's a lot easier to hide that you know something if said something isn't... that, whole thing that just happened. His ears are ringing a little bit as the words ping around the sides of his head, like a game of Pong. The pillow is still keeping his face covered as he rolls onto his back, then his side, then his front, and his side again, knees pressed flush against the wall. Fuck, he feels like he's sixteen all over again, and that was just three years ago! He's too young to be having moments like this.

He mechanizes his breathing, eyes wide open as he stares at the darkness of the space themed pillow case in front of him. Sheer darkness with the occasional blip of a lighter hue. His tail is still thrashing, whipping back and forth madly, he's sure it would scuff the wall if it hit it.

He has to come down from his safe space eventually. Even if that safe space is merely a pillow pressed to his face.

He tosses aside the pillow and rolls onto his back and just stares at the ceiling.

His entire existence has officially been flipped on it's head.

He hears his cell phone ring and he reaches for it, answering before even checking whose calling. He gives a cracked, "Hello?"

"Dude are you good? You sound like you've just been crying," Came Kenny's voice, concern laid on thick.

Kyle nearly hangs upon the spot but instead he bites his tongue and doesn't say a word.

"Look man, dads being a bit of an ass, and Ike was wondering if you could come pick him up for the umpteenth time," Kenny said. He gave a hum, "Could Karen tag along?"

"Totally man," Kyle answered with as he sat up, trying so hard to still his tail. It swiped back and forth atop the blankets, he felt a little bit wrong about not telling Kenny what he knew right now. But, this is a bad time to do that, any Kyle can lie his way out of it again. He hesitates before adding, "You need an escape too?"

"It'd be nice, but you already sound tired. Did I catch you at a bad time? Were you perhaps 'jacking it', my fine, alien friend?" Kenny asked tauntingly, his smugness was palatable.

Kyle wished he could just say 'yeah' and move on instead of carefully think over his next words. Life would much simpler if his head didn't catch on the usage of 'fine' in referral to himself. His mouth felt dry but he choked out some words anyways. "Dude, what makes you think I even have a dick? I got that weird ass alien biology, don't I?""

There's a laugh on the other side, "Hey man, not all of my shots are gonna be spot on. But really, if you don't want me over I won't come," There's an tenderness to his voice and the contrast to the almost gritty and desperate tone he had on the tape gives Kyle whiplash.

"You can if you want too, but I'll probably pass out pretty fast," Kyle lied. He'd just lay in bed, wide awake, for potentially hours with Kenny on the floor beside him. That's how it usually went at least.

"Going full on feral like you did earlier takes a lot out of you, doesn't it?" Kenny asked.

Silence.

"Silent treatment, did I strike a nerve bud? Regardless, we'll be out front in ten," Kenny said, "I can make you some hot coco if you'd like."

"That'd be nice," Was Kyle's weak response.

-/-/-/-

The night was a lot more tense than either of them wanted it to be.

They usually shared a hug before actually getting into bed and trying to pass out. And if not that then Kyle would subtly demand some time to just, co-exist, in very close proximity to each other. In even more minimal situations, they would just share some words of 'love you bro' and call it a night.

None of that transpired.

"I can just go home man," Kenny offered at the break of two AM.

Kyle rolled over to the edge of his bed, leaning over it just a bit, "It's fine."

"Is something wrong? Cause like, you've just been acting... off, lately," Kenny said gently as he propped himself on his elbows, both resting on his pillow.

"Nothings wrong," Kyle said, he crossed his arms and rested his chin on them, "I am gonna ask my parents some questions when they get back."

"About what?" Kenny asked quietly, as though he were afraid of shattering the night if he spoke too loud. The navy walls cast deep blue across the room, reflecting the moonlight in a comfortable darkness.

Kyle stayed silent.

"Alien stuff?" Kenny asked.

Kyle nodded, "Yeah, alien stuff."

"Fun," Kenny answered with a scoff. He dropped back down again and turned to face Kyle, Kyle's bed frame at least, "But for real, you're just- somethings going on in your head. I can tell."

Kyle shrugged, "It's stupid."

"I won't judge man, you're my best friend," Kenny said. And he said it in such a way that for a brief second Kyle forgot about the tapes entirely.

"How are you supposed to talk to someone about something you don't want too?" Kyle asked, trying to withhold and give equal amounts of information.

Kenny paused, "Work out the words in your head. Practice once or twice, maybe even record it. Figure out what needs to be reworked. Write it out if you must- just get it out of your head."

Kyle nodded.

"Trust me man, the second it's out of your head and off your shoulders, life will be easier," Kenny explained reassuringly, "Even if it's only for a second or two."

"Thanks bro," Kyle said quietly.

"Least I can do," Kenny said.

There's a beat of hesitance, "Love you man."

"Love you too," And then Kenny turns away from him, tugging the blanket up to his shoulders.

-/-/-/-

Kyle's pretty sure that Kenny is onto him at this rate, but, he tries to ignore the terrible slithering sensation that he's been caught.

He just focuses on whatever comes next.

This time it's none other than The Coon himself deciding he needs to bring something up with Kyle. Silence drenches the room in the worst way possible as he sits across from the hybrid. Furred ears are swiveled to face Kyle and it makes him feel impossibly nervous, he knows that Cartman can hear his heartbeat. Can it hear pick up speed when Stan sits down beside him, even more so when Wendy joins.

And then Clyde, Timothy, Jimmy- all on one side of Cartman.

Tweek and Craig sit down on the side with Wendy and Stan, Scott as well.

"We know you figured it out, Kyle," Cartman said calmly, tone frigid in a way that makes Kyle feel paralyzed. The hybrid clasps his hands together in front of himself on the table.

"Figured what out?" Kyle snaps back with, trying his hardest to muster the usual snarkiness he has around Cartman. Bute he fails, miserably at that. He just sounds pathetic, grasping at straws if nothing else.

"Don't play dumb," Wendy said, she sounded sharp. She may be tough as nails, and normally Kyle respects that, admires it even, but when it's directed towards him? He gets why people run from Call Girl.

"Why in the cosmos should I tell the likes of you?" Kyle answered with, feebly trying to defend Kenny's privacy.

A privacy that he had already thoroughly breached and ravaged, alongside the unspoken trust they had. He had wrecked it, ruined it, destroyed it- but he could salvage it from the fact Kenny didn't know that Kyle knew.

"You can trust us, Kyle. We're your best friends," Clyde said. And he was right, he was so right.

Kyle's tail snaked itself around the chair leg, "Really guys, I don't know what you're talking about-"

"His secret, Kyle," Cartman said, "Tell us."

"I," He hesitated, "I can't."

"You've already fucked up your relationship with him enough, Kyle. I got Wendy to do a deep dive on your species, and of the few things she could find, she discovered this," Cartman said. He raised a folder, an awful beige and orange hue, and slid it over to Kyle.

The alien hesitantly took it. It was three pages thick, presumably doubled sided. He opened it and skimmed through the headings, he knew every single trait in and out. He paused at the highlighted one, "You're joking."

"This is serious man," Stan said, "We wouldn't just accuse you of imprinting of Kenny without any basis."

"That's stupid. He's my best friend. That's all, that's our dynamic- the kind of dynamic that rakes in loads of cash," Kyle defended with, hoping that pressing on Cartman's one pressure point would make him let up. He slammed the folder shut and slid it back, "Even if I did imprint on him, it would ruin the franchise and never be reciprocated."

"Then tell us what the secret is, you have nothing to lose, no? Just a friend, they come and go on earth," Cartman said. He was calling Kyle's bluff, did he even realize it? He probably did, or if he didn't, he'd snoop until he did.

"Ask Professor Chaos instead, he knows more," Kyle said, trying so, so hard to deflect. The tension pooling everywhere under his skin was agonizing. He needed an out so bad, he needed an escape so, so fucking bad.

Cartman scoffs, "Already done, he said he was sworn to some oath of secrecy, sent us to you."

Kyle stays silent, forcing eye contact with the sleaze in front of the him. The trash eater himself, scraping tactics from the bottom of the barrel.

"Just tell us, no harm will come from it," Cartman said sternly.

"It'll destroy my friendship with Kenny," Kyle snarled out.

"No new harm will come from it, we all know the damage has been done my friend, it's just yet to be discovered," Cartman said, words cutting into Kyle like a knife.

He bites his tongue, Cartman's right, "Give me a week to collect more information on the subject, then I'll report back with the news."

There's a smug and satisfied grin on Cartman's face as he leans back, "See? That wasn't so hard, was now?"

Kyle stands up and pushes away from the table, "I'm going."

"Don't forget about your patrol with Mysterion tomorrow evening, Kite!" Cartman calls out, head leaned back on his chairs backrest.

Kyle's tail is swaying angrily, "Fuck off."

His fangs are grinding against each other as he storms off, if it weren't for the fact he was in suit he would punt the closest chihuahua like a football. Or do something else just as dumb. Maybe kick a fire hydrant and hope it doesn't dent, or punch a tree. Something to make the tense feeling uncoil, to let himself just relax for one second.

He doesn't deserve that though.

He's been uprooting the very foundations of his friendship with Kenny, all because of some morbid curiosity. And Kenny doesn't even fucking know. Kyle is just getting away with it cause he's being awfully slick with how careful he is to put everything back exactly where he found it.

The worst part is how long it's taken for him to feel genuine guilt about it if nothing else. He's such a fucking snake, biting onto his relationship with Kenny and refusing to let go. Sinking fangs deeper and deeper, searching for more even though it's cannibalizing itself. And the first taste is all that it takes to get someone hooked, shame that the thing he got a taste of was metaphorical guts. Kenny just hasn't realized he's stuck in this ouroboros of a relationship.

Despite that, a really twisted and messed up part of him persists in wondering when he'll find the next tape.

-/-/-/-

He finds the next tape almost a week after the interrogation.

Although, we're using the term 'find' rather loosely here. Instead it sort of, fell directly into his lap. And despite knowing better and not wanting to go any further, he still held onto it and didn't let go.

"Thanks for washing my gear man," Kenny said as he stood at the door, Kyle held the bundle of purple fabrics in hand.

He gave a smile, as convincing as he could manage, "No problem man, least I can do."

"See ya tomorrow bro," Kenny said before pivoting on a heel to leave which struck Kyle as odd. The blonde usually loitered for a little bit, chatted casually about whatevers on his head. But none of that came today.

Still, Kyle closed the door and walked down to the luandry room before shaking out the purple. There was that clatter, plastic against unfinished flooring, it was just concrete at the moment. He tossed in the clothing and flipped on the spin cycle with a bit of lavender scented soap. He slid down the front of the washing machine and stared at the tape.

He shouldn't.

He really shouldn't.

He does.

He grips the tape and slams it into the player and hits the play button before he can further question his actions.

I know you're hearing this, Kyle I don't know how long you've been listening to my diary for But it's you It has to be you

Kyle swears his heart stops dead in its tracks. He barely registers that the grit Kenny forces when he's acting out Mysterion has disappeared. That this is just Kenny now.

Who else would be messing with my tapes They're never just right when you put them back You leave scuff marks on the plastic I can fingerprint things, Kyle

I planted this one And log number twelve The rest though? I don't know how many of those you've heard

I'll admit I never meant for number three to fall into your hands I just thought you'd be kind enough to not listen in

. . . How wrong I was

And it's a real shame too You better not have told the rest of the team, Kyle I will make you regret every single breath you've taken if you have

But, that's only if I can get that intel from the gang Do be warned that Cartman is very easy to persuade It won't take me much longer than ten minutes to make him crack

The rest will go even faster Although, I'd give Wendy much longer Craig? He'll be shattering in seven minutes, tops Tweek? Three, maybe four Stan? He trusts me more than you'd expect, he won't even fight

I hope I was right about you being smart, Kyle

Kyle's blood turns to ice.

He is so fucked.

At least he didn't tell Cartman.

You already know my big secret And you have two options, Kyle

Option one: Meet me at Starks Pond tonight to confirm how you feel about the contents of these logs. I'm probably sitting there right now

Option two: Don't. This horrible relationship limbo can remain just like this, on my end I've been stuck here for years

Look, Kyle, what you've done here You're forcing my hand I don't have any other options

Do what you want

I clearly can't stop you

The tape is flung from the cassette player to the other side of the room, it hits the wall and cracks. A thousand regrets pool in the pit of Kyle's stomach and he wants to vomit. He also wants to curl up in a ball and die. Or live in Cartman's basement instead, those are all good options.

But in the same breath...

He's being given a choice when he was sure this whole thing he had with Kenny would simply implode, collapse in on itself and die. He has one chance to make this better than it is. He'll never be able to make this right, but, he can at least try and reinforce the breaking pieces before it's entirely broken.

He picks himself up off the ground and starts on his way up the stairs. He freezes at the door, is he gonna do this? Is he gonna go out to Starks Pond and talk like he should've far too long ago?

Yeah, yeah he fucking is.

The real question is if he's actually gonna say whats been fueling his co-dependency with Kenny for so long.

He isn't sure if he'll manage to fess up to the stupidest biological function he has. He'll try, he'll make an attempt to explain exactly what's been conspiring inside of his head without him even realizing for so many years. He'll at the very least get out a couple words to explain the dumbest thing he's been roped into by his own genetics and unfortunate timing.

-/-/-/-

The ever-present snow and ice crunches under Kyle's boots, but that's the last thing he's focusing on. His eyes are trained ahead of hi as he walks along the edge of Starks Pond. His tail is still, a very rare occurrence.

When he reaches the edge of the pond that Kenny's standing at he's lost his words. The blonde is just staring at him, looking for tells. His hands are stuffed in the pockets of his orange jacket, bright orange, pumpkin orange. Kyle can't focus on anything.

"It worked, you nosy little shit," Kenny said, words weaponized with ease.

"Yeah, it worked," Kyle said. He took a step closer, "I'm sorry," and then another, "For everything really," A third step and Kenny tenses, flinching back just a bit. In turn Kyle steps back.

"For what? Did you tell them?" Kenny asked defensively. He sounded scared more than anything else.

"I know better than that Kenny, they did interrogate me though," Kyle explained stiffly.

Kenny gives a hum, "That gets that problem out of the way."

Kyle nods, "Yeah, that it does."

"So, you listened to three, nine, twelve, and seven, right?" Kenny asked.

"Sorry," Kyle said.

"At least have the decency to dignify me with an answer man, you just fucking ruined me. I had to record that final tape five times before it was good enough to use. I swear to god, normally I'd cut you some slack and now you know why, but not this time," Kenny spat sharply, "So, you listened to those tapes, right?"

"Yep, the four that you listed," Kyle said, his attempt to stay professional just made him sound stiff and disjointed.

This time Kenny faltered before speaking, "And your opinions on them?"

"Positive," Kyle answered with faster than a bullet. His tail flicked as he spoke.

"Anything else?" Kenny asked, desperation heavy on his voice. Thick like molasses.

"I think I imprinted on you- which means something different then it does for the ducks!" Kyle was quick to backtrack on his words, Kenny just looked intrigued, "My species has a 'thats the one' instinct. If we find the right person, it activates, and according to my parents at least, it's usually subliminal. When we landed, I imprinted on you- so, to me, you're the one. And for all I know, unless you die and stay dead, that stupid ass hormonal flux won't go down."

Kenny stayed silent.

"I'm stuck fixating on you until one of us dies, my kind mates for life, and unless I submit myself to experimental science the animal part of my brain is gonna keep screaming that you're mine. Which is kind of annoying, and dumb, and gets in the way- and I didn't even realize it until I found that first tape. I've just been infatuated with you since grade four and I don't know how to make it stop," Kyle spilled, some words meshing together in a blend of syllables. Cyan progressively rose to his face the entire time he spoke. He dropped down to the ground, facing away from Kenny and towards the water, "I'm so fucking sorry Kenny."

Kenny took a few tentative steps closer to where Kyle sat, his tail lay curled around him yet limp on the ground. His ears were drooping a bit and he looked ashamed of himself, a little bit distraught at that. "I'm not gonna disown you, Kyle. That'd just be fucking stupid."

"I didn't mean to ruin your life man, you could've been scoring. God, I probably scared off so many people without even realizing it," Kyle choked out weakly. He pressed his nails into the heel of his palm, "I swear I didn't mean to imprint on you. I swear man- I can try and suppress it."

"It's fine, Kyle," Kenny said as he crouched down beside Kyle. He bumped their shoulders together.

No response.

Okay, that was worrying. It struck a particular chord in the depths of Kenny's chest. One very, very similar to the 'my sister is hurt' chord, which unlocks a specific subset of reactions. Those reactions include:

A: Unbridled violence on whoever caused this B: Giving tried and true advice C: Terrible jokes and playful punches D: Just listening with or without a glass of warm milk

None of those options seem optimal, so Kenny improvises.

"I mean, the whole 'imprint' thing doesn't bother me," Kenny said as he sat down behind Kyle. His knees were bent and he rested his head on Kyle's shoulder.

"Dude I fucking ruined your life," Kyle got out quietly, his tail snapped to punctuate his sentence. It wrapped itself around Kenny's thigh, just above his knee.

"Beg to differ," Kenny said as he slowly raised his hands up. He gently placed them at the base of Kyle's skull, he tensed but didn't move. Kenny slowly rubbed circles in just behind Kyle's ears in the hopes it would calm him down.

Kyle leaned back into Kenny a bit, "I'm so fucking sorry."

"Half of those tapes were me going off about how much I adore you and want you, Kyle. I know you have a brain in there, put it to some use," Kenny said, a small grin on his face as he spoke. He could feel Kyle start to purr, "Just think about it."

Kyle paused for a moment, to just let all of the data sink in. He felt like a total idiot when the conclusion formed in his head, "Oh."

"Yeah," Kenny answered with, "Good thing."

"I'm such a fucking idiot," Kyle said with a laugh on his voice. He squeezed a bit tighter around Kenny's leg, constricting, like a snake, "Can't wait to confirm my families suspicions."

"Do they think we're a thing?" Kenny asked as he combed his fingers through Kyle's hair.

Kyle nodded, "Probably, apparently I've been signalling some very, very vulgar and subtle things to you with my tail for the past six years. I didn't even notice my tail was moving half the time, but it was- mom and dad had to explain that to me which was fun."

"Did you stop?" Kenny asked.

"Naw, definitely not," Kyle answered with smugly, "You never knew anyways."

Kenny gives a hum, "I would say I was giving some vulgar signs myself, but humans don't have a good way to do that discretely."

"I've noticed," Kyle said, "I can read half of you like books with all the tells each of you have."

"Guess Ill have to be even more mysterious so the guys don't catch on," Kenny said as Kyle started to purr, the vibrations rapidly picking up in volume. It felt nice.

"They aren't idiots dude," Kyle said, "They'll catch on soon enough."

"Or we could just walk in there holding hands one day, wait for someone to point it out and go 'yeah we're dating now' and just act like nothing has changed," Kenny said, "Even if we don't go to the movies or eat out at restaurants- that'd be funny."

"We'll see what happens first," Kyle answered with. He holds his breath for a beat, "Love you, Kenny," There's a veritable depth to the words now.

"Love you, Kyle," Kenny answered with the same as he always has, Kyle just never noticed the subtext. He presses a brief kiss to Kyle's forehead.

-/-/-/-

Stan is the first one too notice that Kyle and Kenny are different. A good different though. They're more synced up on the field, better at silent communication, just predicting each other in general. It definitely benefits the team as a whole for the crime-fighting, but whether or not the development is good for the franchise is a whole other story.

He's the first one to ask around about it too.

"Hey Wendy, Kyle and Kenny-"

"Are acting off? I noticed," Wendy said, cutting Stan short with ease. She glanced up from her phone, "I'm already scouring about for details."

"Anything actually come up?" Stan asked.

Wendy shook her head, "Nope, you'd assume that there'd be something; but most searches are coming up dry."

"Worth a shot," Stan said with a sigh.

"You should go ask Craig, he's pretty close to Kenny," Wendy offered up and before she could finish her sentence Stan was looking for Craig.

He was sitting at his desk as usual, cruddy costume and all.

"Craig whats up with Kyle and Kenny?" Stan asked.

And without skipping a beat Craig answered with, "They're homosexuals, Stan."

"What?" Came Stan's dead response, words hollow and in disbelief.

Craig nodded to the aforementioned duo walking in, "Go ask why they're holding hands."

Stan faltered.

"Listen, if you're afraid I'm right you should've asked out Kyle sooner to avoid it," Craig blatantly accused, the words forced the air from Stan's lungs like a sucker punch.

Now aware that Craig is going to keep mentally gut punching him, Stan just heads on off to Kyle and Kenny. They are indeed holding hands, and Kyle's tail is wrapped around Kenny's thigh, just above his knee.

"Look, you two," Stan began with.

"Yeah man, what's up?" Kyle asked, and he's hiding a grin poorly. He's sure that it adds to the confusion Stan is displaying.

Kenny was right.

This is pretty fucking funny.

"How come you guys are holding hands?" Stan asked quietly.

"Kyle imprinted on me," Kenny said bluntly, "We're dating now."

"How long has this been going on for?" Stan asked.

Kyle shrugged, "A month, we were waiting for you guys to notice."

Craig gives a smug, "Told you so!" from his desk.

"Were you guys betting on what was happening?" Kenny asked, an undertone of a snicker to his voice.

"No, even if we did Craig would've won," Stan said spitefully.

Kyle grins a bit, "No need to be sour man, you can still break the news to Cartman, I'm sure it'll be hysterical to see his reaction."

"Dude. Let's go find Cartman," Kenny said eagerly, he was practically vibrating where he stood. Hes grinning that gap tooth grin, "I need to see his reaction right now."

"Wanna tag along?" Kyle asked, holding out a hand to Stan.

He refrained from taking it, "Totally man."

Craig sidles up beside the three of them, "I got a camera to record it."

[dinoswordsb]

Everything you say about caves terrifies me

Caves are very terrifying it's true as for the story I left in your tags I really oversimplified it for the sake of a joke so let me rectify that (read: this ask has given me a chance to talk about a cave accident)

It's true that a group of divers went into an underwater cave system and two died. The system, the Plura system in Norway, was actually a popular diving spot from what I can tell, as you can find a dry cave system within without going too deep, but this group went much further than that. Two of them went down first and the other three allowed the sediment to clear before following. One of the first two got caught in some cords in a narrow section of the cave, panicked, and died, blocking the path for the other three and leaving the survivor between the two alone. And its believed that the second death was a direct cause of witnessing the first one. So without the appropriate equipment, the survivors either had to push past their friend or turn around and take the long way back up. Either way was risky because these accidents caused them to take longer than planned to surface, so they would have to make much longer stops on their way up or risk decompression sickness, and oxygen is very limited on these dives because you have to plan for the duration youll be down there. Luckily the other 3 survived.

Plura was closed off and became illegal to dive within because of the incident. So the reason the group returned approximately a month later wasn't for fun; they were retrieving their friends bodies out of the system. They'd been left there because the cave was deemed too dangerous to retrieve them, even for trained and experienced police divers. So they did something very risky and illegally returned to the cave they'd lost their friends in and successfully got them out. After the retrieval, the system opened back up to divers, and iirc someone even had a wedding within the dry cave system you can find down there.

It's a very very interesting story to me ^_^ I think it is endlessly fascinating the lengths people will go through to get someone out of a cave because when I think of body retrievals all I can think of is how there's none on the big mountains like everest and k2 because of how dangerous it is. I know a lot of people would say these men were stupid for doing this and maybe they were but i cant help but be a little touched by the idea of them risking everything just to save the memory of their friends. I don't really have a larger takeaway otherwise, I just think it's neat.

I did also of course summarize this quote a bit. If you have the stomach for it I definitely recommend looking more into it :]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4gaqJQ-ZPY

^video that talks about it pretty well

^really good article on the incident

[polizwrites]

Operation Sea and Surf

This is a fill for today’s @flashfictionfridayofficial   prompt [#FFF266 Great Expectations] as well as my  @thisorthatevents    Tony Stark This or That: Row 7: Beach Day prompt and my @tonystarkbingo   K2 - Miscommunication square.  

Fandom: MCU/Marvel Pairing:  Tony & the rest of the Avengers team (background Tony/Pepper)  Tags: Post-Avengers (2012) canon compatible, Team as Family,  Miscommunication,  A touch of angst, but overall happy ending Summary:  Tony rents a beach house in hopes of getting the Avengers together for a bit of team bonding;  things don’t quite go as planned.   Word Count: 837

Tony couldn’t understand what had happened.  He’d asked JARVIS to inform the other Avengers  that  he’d  rented a  beach house out on  the Island  for the weekend  …  and no one had shown up.   He’d thought that after the whole Battle of New York deal that maybe they could be more than just  - as  old One-Eye had put it - “a group of remarkable individuals”.   That instead of just  co-workers, or teammates … that maybe they could be friends, too.

Not that Tony had ever been all that great at making friends.  Here he was, in his mid-forties  and two of the three people he thought of as friends were people that were on his payroll.  (Well, technically he and Happy were on Pepper’s payroll now,  but the concept still applied.)   

Clearly he’d set his expectations too high.  At least Pepper had called and said she’d be running late due to a last minute meeting, adding that Happy was sticking around to give her a ride.  Tony was just about ready to call her back and say not to bother when  his phone rang. 

He checked the screen and sighed. “Hey, Bruce,” he greeted his fellow Science Bro, trying hard not to  let his disappointment come through in his voice.  The poor guy had probably been tagged to let Tony know that everyone else had ‘other plans.’ 

“Uh, Tony?  Where are you?”  

“What do you mean, where am I?” 

“We’re all here at the address JARVIS gave us – and there’s no-one home.”

Tony glanced out the window to the front drive of the house; it was empty.   “What the… hold on a sec.”  He tapped another button on his phone.  “JARVIS?  What address did you give the team?” 

“The one you gave me: 1279 Cliff Drive. Based on your current location, it seems you transposed two numbers in your message.”  

“Son of a bitch!” Tony burst out laughing as he re-connected with Bruce.” Okay - so for someone who is supposed to be really good with numbers, I screwed up the address that J passed along.   How about you guys come meet me at  1729 Cliff Drive instead?”  

A half-hour later, the spacious beach house was full of music and laughter.  Thor had carried the groceries in from where they’d been dropped off on the porch, and Bruce had taken on the task of unloading them.  “You remembered I’m a vegetarian, didn’t you, Tony?” he asked, staring in disbelief at the various slabs and chunks of meat Thor was eagerly eying.  

“Sure did,” Tony called out from where he’d been recruited to spray sunscreen on Natasha’s swimsuit-clad form, “there should be the makings for saag paneer somewhere in those bags.” 

“You sure I can’t set up a zipline to the beach?” Clint asked, brandishing his bow and quiver.  “I’ve got a grappling arrow and  plenty of cable right here.”   

“Yeah - I don’t think that’s covered in the rental agreement, Hawkeye.” Tony chuckled.  “You’ll have to use the stairs like everyone else.”    Which wasn’t exactly true;  Tony had brought his boots and gauntlets for his  own jaunt down the bluffs to the beach.  Although he’d give Pepper a ride, if she felt up to it.  

Speaking of whom …  “JARVIS, would you happen to have an ETA on my lovely CEO and forehead of security?” Tony asked as he strode out to the deck, where Steve was sitting with a sketchbook.  

“They should be arriving within the next fifteen minutes, Sir.”  

“Thanks.”  Tony pocketed his phone as he joined Steve.  “Figured you’d appreciate the view.” 

“It’s a lot different from the Coney Island beach, for sure,” Steve replied with a laugh, and then sobered.  “I’ve got some sketches in here I’d like you to see.”   He flipped the page. “Look familiar?” 

“Unfortunately, yes.”  Steve had detailed drawings -presumably from memory - of one of the weapons from the helicarrier. The ones meant to be powered by the Tesseract.   “I’ve got copies of all those files Banner and I were looking at just before things got interesting up there.  And then I went digging deeper.” 

“What have you found?”  Steve asked, his expression serious. 

“Some stuff that I don’t think even Fury knows about. Something called Project Insight that I really, really don’t like the looks of.” Which included references to something – someone – codenamed Winter Soldier  that had turned his stomach.    

“That said,” Tony rubbed his hand over his face, “this was supposed to be a fun weekend.  A team bonding kinda thing.  You know,  sun, surf,  ridiculous amounts of food and drink.   Can we table this for a few days?” 

“Sure, Tony,” Steve replied with a nod.  “And once again, I am so sorry for the things –” 

“All water under the bridge, Cap.”  Tony broke in.  They’d both already apologized for the scepter-fueled insults they’d thrown at one another and Tony was more than ready to move on.  “Speaking of water,  how about you grab your star-spangled swim trunks and join the rest of us on the beach?”  

[delphi-dreamin]

💋 Lipstick or Gloss?

Inspired by this post by @delirious-donna (I hope you don't mind the tag!)

Warning(s): face fucking (last part), gn!MC (pronouns you/your), reader described as wearing tights (first part) and makeup (lipstick/gloss throughout, mascara in last part)

Pairings: Lucifer x reader, Asmodeus x reader, Beelzebub x reader, Belphegor x reader

Lucifer - Bare Lips

It's late when you finally return home after your night out at The Fall with your succubus friends, a little worse for wear with drink and giggling like a child at your own stumbling gait. Your shoes had been abandoned long ago in favor of walking home in just your tights, so when you make it into the entrance hall and nearly slip, the giggles are much louder than you intend.

"You're loud enough to wake the dead," Lucifer chides from the top of the stairs, his arms crossed but with no venom in his tone. He removes his glasses from their perch on the tip of his nose and slips them into his breast pocket. He descends the stairs with all the grace of a jungle cat, eyes locked on yours the entire time.

He pulls your body flush against his with a hand placed at the small of your back, then takes a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wipes away your smudged lipstick. It makes your heart flutter, the care he takes in removing all of the bright red from your lips, how he gently caresses them with the tips of his fingers after they're bare once again. The way his thumb lingers on your lower lip as he holds your fiery gaze.

But when he hooks one long finger under your chin and wordlessly lifts your face to his, capturing your dried and cracking lips with his soft, demanding ones, it sets your body alight. Heat pools in your belly and between your legs and you clutch at his waistcoat, his arms, anywhere to try to pull him impossibly closer.

Blood rushing in your ears and knees getting weak, you whimper when he pulls away. But he only chuckles and lifts you into his arms, murmuring into your ear, "Come to bed, love. We can continue this there."

Asmodeus - Lipstick

The text you'd received from the Avatar of Lust had merely said to meet him in his room ASAP. You weren't sure what you'd been expecting, but it definitely wasn't an entire new lipstick line laid out on his vanity with a ringlight and camera set up.

"Asmo, what's all this?" you laugh, gesturing to the vanity.

"It's Death K2's newest lipstick line, darling!" Asmodeus gushes, a brilliant smile gracing his lovely features. "You promised to try them with me, remember?"

You'd actually forgotten, but you don't have the heart to tell him. So instead you nod enthusiastically, your smile maybe just a bit too wide. "I didn't think they'd be out yet!" you exclaim.

Asmodeus is practically vibrating as he explains, "They sent me a promo kit! We get to try them early and post pictures on Devilgram!"

"Let's get to it, then," you chuckle.

Asmo has you sit in the chair in front of the vanity while he picks out the first two colors the two of you will try. He applies one to himself before turning to you, a berry pink with a slight shimmer that looks absolutely stunning on him. When he turns to you, the mischief in his grin is unmistakable.

"Close your eyes," he demands, holding the lipstick tube behind his back. You don't bother to say that you can see the tube in the mirror, only do as is requested of you and close your eyes.

The cushion dips under you as Asmo's weight settles on your lap and you can't help grinning, grabbing him delicately by the hips to keep him balanced. He wiggles a bit before giggling and telling you to part your lips for him. You do as you're told and allow him to apply the lipstick, only opening when he tells you it's okay.

He's chosen a peachy color for you. It's not necessarily a color you would have chosen for yourself, but you have to admit it doesn't look terrible. Death K2's lipsticks have a habit of changing slightly to compliment your skin tone, though.

After Asmo snaps a quick selfie with you, you find yourself caught up in his embrace, his lips working feverishly against yours as his hands tangle in your hair and his hips grind down on yours. You'd known this would be the end result. You just hadn't expected it so soon.

He pulls away just as your heart begins to hammer and tension starts to knot in your abdomen, his fangs glinting dangerously as he wipes at the smeared lipstick at the edges of his lips. The peach and berry have mixed beautifully into a shimmery deep pink. He positions the two of you in one more pose and snaps a photo before putting his D.D.D. away.

Beelzebub - Flavored Lipgloss

"We can take more later," he says with a wink, wiggling his hips again.

You met Beel outside the locker room, unable to contain your excitement at the team's win. His wide grin matches your own as he lifts you into his arms for a tight hug, spinning you around until you're both breathless from laughter. The team is still funneling out of the door, so you wave at them all as they go, congratulating them and telling them individually how great they were on the field.

They'd grown to expect you outside the locker room after all their games. Some of them even managed to hug you before Beel got to you sometimes, accepting your compliments and your affection while they were able. Because Beel isn't necessarily possessive, but he doesn't like you smelling like other demons (who aren't his brothers, of course).

After the last of his teammates vacates the locker room, Beel whisks you inside, locking the door behind you. He sits on one of the benches, pulling you down to straddle his hips.

"You were amazing tonight, Beel," you giggle, feeling the excitement like champagne bubbles in your chest. You always love watching him play fangol. He knows you love watching him win even more.

His hair is still damp from the showers as you run your hands through it, droplets running down the backs of your hands as you grip it tight and bring his face to yours. His kiss is hungry, his tongue feverishly exploring your plush lips and a deep hum of appreciation rumbling in his chest. He pulls back to grin at you.

"Mm, strawberry," he sighs, licking his lips.

Belphegor - Lipstick (+ Mascara)

When you get back to the House, you expect to find Lucifer still awake, maybe Levi. You don't expect to find Belphie waiting for you in your room, flipping through your record collection.

"Hey?" you greet him, the question obvious in your tone. Why is he here?

"You're back," he says simply, turning to smile at you. It doesn't reach his eyes and you feel heat rising in your face. You recognize the intense, almost angry, look in his violet eyes, the stiff way he holds his shoulders, and the way the shadows wrap around him, making him look bigger than you know he is.

"Why are you in my room, Belphie?" you ask, knowing the answer before you even ask.

His dead-eyed smile twists into a malicious grin. "I couldn't sleep. I thought you might be able to help me."

Helping Belphie sleep usually means one thing and one thing only. So with a sigh and an amused roll of your eyes, you drop to your knees in front of him and open your mouth, quirking a single snarky eyebrow at him. His pants are around his ankles and his heavy dick is on your tongue before you can blink.

You relax your jaw and throat as he threads his fingers through your hair, giving a few slow, experimental thrusts to get you ready. You hum around him encouragingly as he slides further into your warm mouth with a sigh. You keep your eyes on him, managing the barest of grins as his bliss begins to become apparent on his tired face.

His grip on your hair tightens, seeing the grin in your eyes, and his pace quickens. As you begin to gag and choke, tears forming in your beautiful eyes, he groans and his eyes roll back.

He continues to speed up, watching with wonder as the tears stream down your cheeks, leaving black stripes in their wake. Your bright lipstick is smeared around your lips and on his shaft as he continues to pump into your gorgeous mouth and it's all he can do not to shoot cum down your throat right then and there. But he pulls back, giving you room to breathe before he fills your mouth and throat, gently rubbing your neck until you swallow every drop.

Tags @leavesandflowers @sassykattery @ariamichel @sparkbeast20

[cryleforhelp]

THANK YOU FOR THE K2 FIC RECS... IT MEANS A LOT ... !!!! esp putting so much oh my gosh i'm definitely spamming who you tagged for more fic recs

if it isn't a bother again: do you also have any cryle fic recs or any other ships you like? i know kivea is like. the biggest cryle enthusiast out there

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yesyesyes pls give mumu and mint all da love of fics to ur hearts content!!!!!! KIVEA IS THE HUGEST CRYLE ENTHUSIAST OUT THERE, i would recommend all their works because i think i literally read all of them bc i love their stories so much HAHAH. Kivea if you see this, thank you for your hardwork FORREAL. ALSO it's never a bother, i really love receiving asks!!<33 i primarily sit in the style, k2 and cryle ao3 tab honestly, so i haven't ventured far out from the main three i ship! SO SINCE you asked about cryle, here are some cryle fics that I can recommend below!!

Red Solo Cup | Cryle, Style | T | TW: none author: startwithsnail OK.. THIS FIC IS SOOOO GOOD AND IM NOT EVEN SAYING THAT BC THE AUTHOR WROTE IT FOR MY BIRTHDAY LMFAO BUT LEGIT this fic is everything i envision cryle to be. the pacing, the characterization, the WRITING EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SO GOOD. THE ENDING ALSO GAGGED ME I WAS LITERALLY KICKING MY FEET UP IN THE AIR AND SCREAMING AHHAHAHA im so blessed that my really talented friend wrote me this :'(((( what did i ever do to deserve her. HER TUMBLR IS @amporella IF YOU WANNA GO GIVE HER SOME LOVE!!!!!!!!!!1 <333333 SUMMARY: Kyle, notoriously unlucky in love, has his reasons to be hesitant on party games - especially of the romantic variety. He can only really think of one person who dislikes them even more than he does. But maybe there’s something that can make it worthwhile for both of them? I'd Tap That | Cryle | G | TW: none author: alister312 STOOOOOP THIS FIC WAS SO CUTE. Dryad Kyle too, it's such a treat to read HHHHH.. i don't want to spoil this fic for you but you won't be disappointed at all!!!!!! craig is so so adorable in here too <3 BANGER AFTER BANGER!! this was also written by my friend @alister312 if you wanna show them some love too :3c <3 SUMMARY: If only Cartman paid just a little more attention to his familiar, if only Tweek wasn’t being such a child about the break up, if only potions didn’t suck ass and learning it had seemed even a little worth it, if if if—

If only, then Craig wouldn’t be here, crawling ass-backward away from the pissed off dryad floating above him. I Want To Hold You Like You're Mine | Cryle (Side Style) | E | TW: smut author: wonderfultweek i need to tell you that this fic is so good. like oh my god, you can feel the emotional connect both craig and kyle are having with each other here and it's so raw and soft. i will say there's style in the beginning but it's stan cheating on kyle so if that's not your cup of tea then feel free to skip this recommendation!

SUMMARY: But he isn’t sure how much information he really wants to reveal right now, and his emotions are still simmering hot just under the surface of his skin. It’s a dangerous road to go down so soon, but he also wants nothing more than to let out his anger and his hurt in hopes that Craig will validate him.

~

"What the fuck, Craig? How can you sit there and tell me there’s nothing wrong with me when I’m a complete fucking mess?”

“Because I-” Craig stops himself, that guarded look returning. He nearly looks fearful at whatever it is he almost admitted. “I get it. I understand.” When I'm With You, I Don't Want To Be | Cryle | E | TW: smut author: wonderfultweek DSSSSSSSSGSKGJI09EUW4HERJOPLDHE59Y0ERSPFDBJOGF8OILKFFHJGFLDKHJHGKJFDLKJHEEYIROHLKSGDFHSJLFSHJDSFLKHJ. that is all. no, jk, but i am literally rolling around because of this fic, everything in it left me waNTING MORE. I LOVE KYLE AND CRAIG BEING EACH OTHER'S LAST RESORT OK maybe i really am toxic idk /lh SUMMARY: Maybe he’s just disappointed that he doesn’t have someone to sit around and be miserable with. Even if all he and Craig do is bitch at each other, it’s better than sitting here alone, perched on the kitchen counter while he watches everyone have a splendid fucking time. ok this is all i have time to recc KLJDSGLKJSG IF I REMEMBER OR FIND MORE ILL REBLOG THEM HERE. ILY ANON. (...*links kivea's ao3 just in case*)

[thedogsled]

The Baron's Collection

Card Number: B089 Square Filled: K2 AU: Thief Word count: 375 Rating: G Main pairing: pre Bucky Barnes/Helmut Zemo Major tags: alternate universe, thief Bucky, royalty au Summary: Bucky messes with the wrong Baron.

The world knows very little about Baron Zemo. They don’t know just how rich he is, for one thing, nor about his priceless collection of antique cars. There’s his dead wife and son, of course–being royalty, that kind of information tends to hit the front page quite often. But Zemo pays money to keep his domestic affairs private, generally speaking, and that includes his homes, his warehouses, his bachelor pads–and his garages. It’s the latter of his properties which draws Bucky Barnes’ interest. He’s not just an avid collector himself, after all - though he can’t help but partake - but someone who acquires fine specimens for the collections of others, and Zemo owns some vehicles which are not just rare but one of a kind; the only one remaining in the world. The prices Bucky can get for taking on the risk of stealing them is significant enough that he goes looking for that secret information, drawn to it like a moth to the flame the moment he gets a sniff that he might be on to something.

His insider is an old man, a long time butler of the Zemo family who, Bucky learns, resents the fact that service to the Zemo family has left him without a family of his own. What’s the point of his riches, his lifetime of service, if he has to spend his golden years alone? Oeznik gets him into the garage, and from there all Bucky needs to do is choose his prize, drive it out, put it in a container and hello Madripoor, why yes, he would like the Presidential suite.

But there’s a hitch. The garage’s lights come up, floodlit, and Bucky is suddenly surrounded, big looking goons in every direction, and no way out. And Oeznik - that son of a bitch - opens the door of the beautiful coupe that Bucky had his eyes on, to permit a man to climb out of it. Baron fucking Zemo himself, complete with signature long coat and signature dorky smirk.

“Mr. Barnes,” he says, with that slick European accent that Bucky has to bet is at least half fake. “Can I call you James? How good to meet you at last. I’ve heard you have a talent for securing motorcars…”

[jynjackets]

Yeah cute tags on that k2 and cass post. Surely the best way to talk on that issue. not triggering and egregious and fucked up at all.

aw thanks anon. I also think it’s cute when people kill themselves for fetishizing latinos. If you find this to be way too radical a statement, you are very likely xenophobic!

I love that you use the words triggering or fucked up because if you thought about anyone but yourself for once, you could imagine what it’s like to be consistently treated by US-centered media as a druggie sex object and nothing more. I’m not sure what you wanted out of this anon exchange, but it only tells me that people like you are threatened that we don’t like you using us at your disposal. In that case I’m very glad you feel triggered. Thanks for letting me know i’m doing right.

Also please don’t pretend to care about the “issue” because then you wouldn’t have been so offended 💀

And if you’re not fetishizing latinos, then there’s no reason to be triggered. No reason to worry or feel threatened by people who speak up about how they want to be seen.

[ao3feed-rebelcaptain2]

Of Love and Droids

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/U86jCZ2

by BumbleHumbleBee

“That doesn’t answer my question why,” the droid puzzles.

“Why do you think?” Bodhi shrugs. “They like each other.”

“I don’t see how. They argue all the time.”

“Yeah, they might…bicker, they’re both stubborn as bantha’s in heat, but deep down I mean, they like each other.”

If K2 could frown, he would. “Humans are very strange.”

Something is different about Cassian and Jyn. K-2SO sets out to try and solve this particular problem, to the chagrin of the Captain

Words: 2536, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M

Characters: Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso, K-2SO (Star Wars), Bodhi Rook, Baze Malbus

Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso

Additional Tags: Romance, Humor, Fluff, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Post-Battle of Scarif (Star Wars), Mentioned Rogue One Crew (Star Wars), Post-Rogue One, K-2SO Being K-2SO (Star Wars), POV K-2SO (Star Wars), Droids trying to understand humans, Why is Cassian SMILING?!, very minor smut

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/U86jCZ2

[fayoftheforest]

I posted 2,276 times in 2022

That's 715 more posts than 2021!

97 posts created (4%)

2,179 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@croissants-andcoffee

@plugnuts

@jmax523

@whatdoessunshinetastelike

@fishtish

I tagged 1,260 of my posts in 2022

Only 45% of my posts had no tags

#south park - 57 posts

#ask - 43 posts

#fave - 27 posts

#ask game - 17 posts

#birthfay 🎂 - 14 posts

#sp kyle - 12 posts

#sp k2 - 11 posts

#writing - 10 posts

#headcanons - 10 posts

#south park fic - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#also just realised the blurb i pasted here was from an old draft where the soulmate tag was on their arm not their chest 😳how embarrassing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

man, it kind of bums me out how the majority of the time that kyle's jewishness is a focal point in fan content, it's for a negative reason. if kyle's contemplating the fact that he's jewish, it's because he's being bullied or harassed, because he's feeling insecure about his appearance or self worth, because he's feeling lonely and isolated, because he's having a crisis of faith, etc etc. these are all totally valid themes and character arcs to explore, of course! i think many jews like myself may be able to relate to these themes, thanks to living in a society where antisemitism and other shitty behaviour runs rampant. but i think we're really missing a golden opportunity to explore the complex and compelling positives of being jewish. where's his love for his community? where's his excitement for an upcoming holiday? where's the comfort he might take from prayers? where's his curiosity or knowledge about his family history? where's his passion for debating interpretations of the torah? these are also valid, relatable and in-character directions you could take things!

i know that this trend is probably heavily influenced by the presence of this pattern in the show itself, but it's still a bit sad. or maybe gentiles (non-jews) shy away from celebrating his jewishness because they don't feel confident in commenting on a religious experience that they've never had. to those people, I would ask, why is it you feel comfortable speculating on the hardships of being jewish, but not the joys?

that isn't to say that you're not allowed to write about the former if you're not jewish, of course! regardless of religious background, anyone can empathise with his struggles because, at the end of the day, we're all human, and it's our humanity that unites us. but i'd encourage you to push yourself out of your comfort zone, do a little research and have some fun celebrating and supporting his jewishness once and awhile :)

109 notes - Posted October 30, 2022

#4

today I am thinking about... fat tweek! and fat butters! and fat wendy and heidi! maybe throw a lil fat kyle in there too! I'm sick and tired of fatness being equated with immorality when it comes to south park (and the world in general tbh) and it makes me sad that so many people seem afraid of portraying any of the non-cartman characters as plus-sized. 'fat' is a neutral descriptor and not a dirty word, and displaying body diversity amongst the cast is not only realistic, but a wonderful and beautiful thing! so anyway reblog this and put in the tags which character(s) you've always headcanoned to be fat or not skinny :)

113 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

#3

STOP RIGHT THERE 🔫 THIS IS A STICK-UP 🔫 NOBODY SCROLLS ON UNTIL THEYVE WATCHED @roostertuftart 'S GLORIOUS VIDEO THEN REBLOGGED IT 🔫

142 notes - Posted August 29, 2022

#2

I'M ABSOLUTELY BLOODY LOSING IT OVER THESE VINTAGE SOUTH PARK MUGS I FOUND ONLINE

THE CAPTIONS. THEIR EXPRESSIONS. THE FACT THAT STAN IS KNOWN AS "THE CUTE ONE"?? LIKE?? IS HE?? WACK :D ANYWAY SHOULD I BUY THESE YES/NO

256 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

fucking obsessed with this meme that came up on my pinterest feed

what IS up with gay eople liking south park???

1,222 notes - Posted November 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[naitosutan]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SWEET RESPONSE!! 🍭🍭

(I didn't know how to respond to your tags on your reblog so I thought I would just send you an ask-)

I'm glad you thought I had some good concepts, I'm terrible at explaining things so it's nice to know that some people understood what I was getting at. And your tsum tsum steek drawing lives rent free in my head, it is so fricking cute. I love tsum tsums!! And I was glad I could influence your love of Steek, kvasgi's art of Steek was one of the first pieces of art for that ship that I saw which was part of the reason why I got into the ship too! And your sister's art is super cute as well, I love it all so much, especially her AU!

Since I'm here, I'd like to ask you, who are your favorite characters and what are your favorite ships?

Thanks again for the sweet response, have a great day!! ❤️❤️

@/steeklover AHH I’M SO SORRY I FOOLISHLY SAVED YOUR ASK AS A DRAFT ON MOBILE AND TUMBLR ATE IT 😭 Luckily, I had part of my response written already and I’ll try to reply as best I can to what I remember of your ask!

Did you know I’m a fool and inept at anything technology ._. I found the ask; somehow I saved the ask in my drafts completely separate from my response ahskkgj

Pls forgive me for the repost, I wanted to keep the original ask attached 🙇🏻‍♀️

(ALSO HELLO I DID NOT FORGET OR IGNORE THIS I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO ANSWER CONCISELY AND GOT BUSY AHAKDLGK)

ACTUALLY *YOU* ARE THE SWEETEST AGALLFJA

I think you explained yourself pretty well! Legit, I always love reading your thoughts on Steek and seeing the ideas you have for them, whether it be your mood boards or playlists, I enjoy your ideas! You are THE Steek shipper to me so I really value your perspective on them and keep some of your posts in mind whenever I try to portray them!

Tsums are definitely a long standing obsession of mine lol Evie says thanks for the praise as well! Her AU means a lot for the three of us ✨

(Long post so favs and ships under the cut haha)

To answer your questions, I’d say Tweek is my favorite from the show, but Stan had definitely settled into also being a major fav of mine! When I was first watching it, I went into season six a bit bitter about Tweek taking Kenny’s spot but… he’s just a little dude :3 Simpsons Already Did It is one of my top favorite episodes lol Stan was a surprising favorite but I guess following him and his friends around the most, I really liked the way he was characterized and the struggles he deals with? I also love Kenny content 🥺🧡 Anything and everything for Kenny lol

Anyways, here are some of my top favorite ships!! As you can probably tell, my sisters and I have a lot of overlap in the ships we like, and tend to influence each other a lot lol I’m a multi-shipper who generally likes a ton of ships and also really enjoy crackships and rare pairs cuz of the untapped potential of interactions that could happen! I also enjoy polys but for simplicity I’ll put just pairings here! I had tried organizing them in a tier list but… it ended up as a ranking list anyways so…

Stenny - I actually surprised Kim a lot when I first brought up that I liked her old flame lol My first and my fav ship, there’s something about them that makes me extremely happy and I can’t quite explain it. It probably has to do with their personalities and interactions, but I can’t really articulate it into words haha I also love all the fan created content of them! They’re lovely and adorable 💖

K2 - The OTP of my sisters means a lot of amazing fics recommended to me that makes it hard to not love lol I’m not picky about how the dynamic is portrayed, I’m always down for these two together! They baby 🥹

Steek - <333 SO much love for these two! Like I had said you were definitely a big reason for it. Plus why NOT ship your favorite characters together? They both have a tendency towards destructive patterns that I think the other could relate to, especially with seeking validation on their feelings? I think potential interactions between these two are severely under explored so I’m always searching for more Steek content!

Revin - OKAY. This one was definitely a ship I shipped from the show before looking at the fan content lol Constantly seeing them together in the background just reminded me of playground crushes, and their moments were small but cute. AND THEN WHEN THEY BROKE UP I WAS DEVASTATED. CONFIRMATION THEY WERE DATING AT THE COST OF THEIR BREAK UP AND NEVER SEEING THEM TOGETHER AGAIN 😭 We’ve also headcanoned their personalities quite a bit and so I like to think of them both being a bit airheaded? Kevin constantly thinking about his sci-fi and Red seemingly not pay attention to things around her? Kevin calling their fruits sandwiches and Red just going along with it was also funny even if it’s just an animation error lol ALSO KEVIN BEING SO SAD AT THE BAY OF MEMORIAL PIGS DANCE AS RED DANCED WITH TOLKIEN I CAN’T 😭 I love little background details the most when it comes to characters, I think.

Crenny - Again, Kim was a big influence in me liking Kenny ships, also Crenny has some of the most beautiful and heartfelt works I’ve ever seen and read? I think things would be pretty easy with these two and they’ve had some good moments together!

Cryle - I know people say they don’t interact much but when has that ever stopped me lol They’re both stubborn in different ways, Craig more passive and Kyle more confrontational, I think? Like, I really liked the scene in Fishsticks where they’re both advising Jimmy. They were basically indirectly arguing against each other and I think that’s such an interesting and fun dynamic lololol There’s enough there for me to enjoy them together!

-

Creek - Just LOOK at them lol. I do admit I like them a lot in the show but don’t seek them out in fanworks but they’re great <3

Stendy - I HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT THEM TOO. Like Stendy is complicated but they’re also elementary school kids, of course they’re not gonna know how to relationship properly. But they’re still so messy?? And it’s just on their personalities mannn. I think Stan very much takes his friends for granted sometimes and especially his girlfriend. And Wendy isn’t a part of his friend group enough to really be comfortable discussing their faults? Like obviously he’s done some things and she has as well but things are always resolved offscreen or brushed aside so we never really see how they get over it. Basically they’re cute when he’s pining or when they’re domestically together and supportive but when they’re just not paying attention to each other they’re difficult lol

Stolkien - Another ship from the show, I think their interactions are always so fun, especially in the later seasons 🥺💕

Staig - I love rivals lol I think fandom plays up their hatred for each other a lot but Scauses really convinced me that they do notice each other lol That and Craig likes stirring the pot a lot XD

.

.

.

It feels like I’m missing so many characters and ships but I had to limit myself! Ten is enough haha (shout out to all the ships I do ship but didn’t make it to this list 😔) I tried to keep this short lol

I hope your days have been great as well!! Thank you so much for the ask!! 💖

[sansxfuckyou]

The one time it mattered

Summary: Five times Kenny confessed and the one time he didn't

Warnings: swearing, loss of faith, check Ao3 port for full tags

Authors Note: Never written a 5+1 fic before and maybe this was just a little bit ambitious on a time constraint but I managed. Day four was secret/confession, and I chose confession! the K2 comes like, after everything else so feel free to just skip ahead. so I hope ya'll enjoy and if ya do maybe consider dropping a reblog or checking out the Ao3 port

1.

Kennys first crush was on Butters, the adorable and innocent Butters. Almost everyone could see that, they were young as they were when Chef was still around, and still terrible at hiding emotions. At the time Kenny didn't really get how to make a formal confession, or how to do it. He did understand the parts that came well after an established relationship though.

Still, he played plenty of games that put him in all sorts of roles and positions. This is the first time he plans on fully utilizing his role to get what he wants. And what he wants at the time is a kiss from Butters or for Butters to say 'I love you' and mean it. He doesn't do that a lot at home, or school, more focused on taking care of Karen or not dying. But just this once in grade four in South Park elementary, he plans damn well on getting what he wants.

If he has to use his Princess Kenny persona then so be it, he'll use his dress and his 'royal presence' to distract Butters into a kiss.

"Oh god! Princess Kenny is dying!" Came the shrill cry of High Jew Elf Kyle as he watched Princess Kenny go down.

"I got it!" Butters shouted as he ran over to his fallen ally and helped her up.

"Thank you, Paladin Butters," Kenny said as calmly as he could muster as he Butters handed him a cure potion for the bleeding. The same one that he had drank from- Kenny guzzled it in mere moments, "You look magnificent in battle Butters."

"Thank you Princess," Butters said before dashing off to smite some enemies with his hammer of justice.

Kenny sighed dreamily as he watched.

"Kenny block!" Kyle cried out just in time for Kenny to barely avoid the attack.

"Thanks!" Kenny shouted back as Butters returned to his side.

"Let me heal you," Butters said as he walked over to give Kenny a pat on the shoulder.

Kenny grabbed onto Butters, albeit extremely gently so he could escape if he wanted to. Shock played itself on his friends face, "Kiss me Paladin Butters."

An instant and visceral response of 'Gross!' was how Butters reacted, dropping the princess.

Kennys fourth grade mind took it as a devastating rejection. Took it as such to the point that while staying completely in character he ran off crying, one hand keeping his dress from dragging and all. He had a hard time believing he got rejected, they were so close, how much could one little kiss change that? His fourth grade mind just didn't get it.

His fourth grade mind also let him move on in a months time.

2.

Kenny realizes that he's bisexual in grade six when gets a crush on Wendy Testaburger. He previously thought he was just gay. But nope, now he wears a little pin on his shoelaces, blue, purple, and pink. He doesn't wear it with a whole lot of pride because he has too take it off every day after school so his parents won't know he swings both ways. But at school he does wear it and flaunt it a little bit, happy he can sit comfortably with himself despite everything else.

He's forgotten about the horrible rejection of grade four, and him and Butters are just friends anyways. He can see now that it was just juvenile attraction, a foolish puppy crush not to be confused with what he feels for Wendy. The major hurdle when it comes to Wendy is the fact that she's in a rough spot with her on and off relationship with Stan. And as much as Kenny wants Wendy, he likes his friendship with Stan a lot more.

"Hey Stan," Kenny begins with as he sits down next to his friend whose lazily drinking a juicebox.

"Yeah man?" Stan asked in response as he prodded at his vegetable medley.

"How pissed would you be if I hit on Wendys best friend?" Kenny asked nervously, glad that Kyle and Cartman weren't around to hear it.

Stan looked confused, "Go for it, it's not like she's my girlfriend."

Kenny cleared his throat, "And if I hit on Wendy?"

"Dude! Fuck no! She's my girlfriend," Stan said defensively, putting up his hackles and spitting his words.

"Alright, alright," Kenny said as he rolled his eyes, hands thrown up in surrender, "She's all yours."

"At least wait until she's gonna break up with me before you start trying to get her for yourself," Stan said, tossing a juicebox to Kenny who expertly caught it.

-/-/-/-

Stan trudged to school the next day, Kenny meeting him at their lockers. The Marsh looks absolutely wrecked, like he got no hours, or minutes of sleep, the night prior. And that's saying a lot, usually if he goes without much sleep no one can tell that anythings wrong with him.

Kenny placed a hand on his shoulder, "What happened?"

Stan sighed, "Wendy broke up with me Kenny, she's all yours."

"Really?" Kyle asked, trying his hardest not to sound excited.

"Really," Stan echoed back with a nod, "Hope you enjoy her, if she even says yes."

"I have maxed out charisma Stan, it'll work perfectly," Kenny said boldly, bringing a hand to his chest in an eloquent manner.

"Good luck with it," Stan said, "I'm hanging out with Kyle while you make a fool of yourself during seven minutes in heaven."

"There's a game of seven minutes in heaven?" Kenny asked eagerly.

"Yep, drama room at first break, I'm not going," Stan said as he pulled off his outer jacket.

"Well I am, I'll make sure to tell you how much I score," Kyle said as he walked off to his own class, making sure to grab his homework before slamming his locker shut.

-/-/-/-

Kenny idly meandered around the halls as he waited for the bell to ring, he had sneaked out a few minutes early. He just had to get lucky now. The loud and obnoxious ringing of the stupid bell sounded and he was already rushing into the drama room. Most of the girls were already inside, sitting in a circle with a couple of the guys.

Kenny awkwardly wedged himself across from Wendy, sitting in between Clyde and Craig. He crossed one leg over the other.

"Alright, everyone knows the rules of seven minutes in heaven?" Bebe asked as she walked into the center of the circle, holding a glass pop bottle as she spoke.

Everyone nodded along.

"Cool, now," Bebe began as she placed down the bottle in the middle, "We spin!"

The bottle scratched on the hardwood floor as it spun in a perfect rotation. There was meager grinning and chatting as it came to a halt. Bebe drew an imaginary line from the mouth of the bottle to the person it pointed to.

"Contestant number one in this matchmaking game is Kenny!" Bebe exclaimed as she raised one of Kennys arms as though she were a ring announcer. He stood up and grinned a little bit as he was pushed out of the circle, he stood patiently.

She spun the bottle once more and Kenny is practically vibrating as he watched the bottle slow down. This was his best chance, he just had to get lucky. Obscenely, and impossibly lucky, but he's recently placed himself in the anything is possible category. He can die and come back the next day! Getting lucky in a game of seven minutes in heaven is nothing in comparison.

"And the second contestant is Wendy!" Bebe announced as Wendy stood up and walked over to Kennys side.

"Seven minutes," Wendy muttered under her breath as they were led to the closet.

"Have fun," Bebe said in a taunting singsong as she closed the door after them.

Kenny dropped down to the floor, crossing his legs. Wendy sat across from him, knees bent.

"So, Wendy," Kenny begins with, "You dumped Stan?"

"Yes," Wendy said.

"Which means you're up for a brand new a relationship?" Kenny asked, tapping his hand on his knee as he spoke.

Wendy raised a brow although Kenny couldn't see it, "I suppose it does."

Kenny took a bit of a shaky breath, "I'm pretty sure I have a crush on you," 'Pretty sure' what a lie. He was absolutely certain that he did.

"Mood, lot's of guys do," Wendy answered with, "What makes you think I should choose you over Clyde? Or maybe even Damien?"

Kenny couldn't form an answer.

"You're sweet McCormick but you have nothing to bring to the table," Wendy said, she gave a small smile as she spoke, "Maybe next time."

Grade six, drama room closet, first break, is the exact second that Kenny realizes he needs to plan things out if questions are asked.

3.

Kenny has secretly been planning this moment for weeks, the perfect confession to his massive crush. More massive and more important than the last two combined, he's in grade eight now, this one is the winner. He has it all planned out, but he's fully prepared for something to come along and mess it up as well. He has a little speech prepared and enough confidence to kill a horse which is all he needs. Cartmans petty remarks are not part of what he needs but that's what he'll get if Kyle and Stan aren't around.

"Hey Craig!" Kenny called out from across the cafeteria, waving a big to grab the ravenettes attention.

He started on his way over.

"He's not gonna accept your confession man," Cartman said as he inched away from Kenny.

Kenny turned to throw him a smirk, "Jealous I have balls Cartman? Ones that will be sucked without fail?"

"Shut up," Cartman snapped back, "You're lucky that Stan and Kyle aren't here to see your pathetic attempt."

"You won't be either," Kenny said smugly, sticking out his tongue a bit.

Craig sat down across from Kenny, "What is it man?"

"Not a whole lot," Kenny started with as he drummed his fingers on the table, "I was just wondering if you're free for ten minutes after school?"

"I am," Craig said bluntly, taking a forkful of his salisbury steak, "Why does it matter?"

"Meet me where the goths usually sit right after school, they've all come down with a terrible case of the shits, it's fucking tragic," Kenny said, having to repress the grin on his face as he spoke.

Craig gave a single chuckle, "Did Cartmans mom cook for them?"

"Hey!" Was the only venomous exclamation Cartman could get out.

Kenny nodded, "Yeah, the chocolate chicken potpie was too much for them to handle."

"What a shame," Craig said, "Anything else? I told Tweek I'd only be a couple minutes before I go back."

Kenny shook his head, "Nope!"

"See you after school," Craig said as he made his way back to his table.

"Cartman it's gonna be great," Kenny said, taking a bite of the side dish.

Cartman sighed, "Don't say I didn't warn you."

-/-/-/-

Kenny has one flower behind his back, a lupin, as he waits out back for Craig to arrive. He's smiling a little bit as he watches the ravenette come into view and walk on over.

"So Kenny, what did you want to talk about?" Craig asked, tracing Kennys expression.

Kenny cleared his throat before holding out the singular flower, "Craig, I'm deeply enamored and adoring of you. You're one of the coolest fucking people on this planet and I'm lucky that I know you well enough to mostly read your emotions. I, I think you're one of my all time favorite people- more than Cartman, Stan, or even Kyle!"

Craig was silent.

"And with all that being said," Kenny said before taking a steadying breath, "Will you go out with me? Please?"

Craig roughly swallowed, "Kenny me and Tweek went on our first date this weekend."

That punched Kenny in the gut, all he could produce was a lifeless, "What?"

"Yeah, we were gonna tell everyone about it tomorrow during lunch," Craig said stiffly, "I'm so, so sorry."

"That's fine, thanks for letting me know," Kenny answered with to the best of his abilities, "You aren't, you aren't telling anyone right?"

"Fuck no," Craig said, "That'd be a total betrayal of trust and ruin our friendship."

Kenny nodded silently.

"Unless this did," Craig tacked on helpfully.

"No, we can still be friends, probably," Kenny said, "I'm going home."

"Me too," Craig said before turning to leave.

Kennys hands still tightly clutched the stem of the flower.

-/-/-/-

"What do you mean you knew and didn't tell me?!" Kenny snapped at Cartman.

"That's what you get for asking out everyone who says hi like some fucking whore!" Cartman shot back as he pressed a finger to Kennys chest.

"I don't do ask everyone out, formally at least," Kenny defended with in a sputtery manner.

Cartman narrowed his eyes, "Look man, it's gonna start wearing on you and I'd hate to see my best friend down in the dumps over it."

Kenny did nothing, not a nod or a word out of him.

"Wanna watch a shitty movie and eat KFC?" Cartman asked.

Kenny nodded, "Thanks."

4.

Kenny feels a flutter in his stomach when he realizes who it is next, and for once cupid has good timing. That cunt shot his red tipped arrow into Kennys skull a week after Stans most recent breakup, right around the time he's rebounded entirely. They're finishing grade eleven now, almost prom at that, and the McCormick feels a sick satisfaction because he can ask Stan to go to prom if nothing else.

He can plan it out in advance again, watch his good friends love life like a hawk, make sure there's no hangups. He'll have someone say yes! Someone'll accept his confession and he hopes so much that it ends up being Stan instead of anyone else.

He does try to plan it out, he really does, but everything has a way of going to shit for the McCormick.

"Pass another one down!" Kyle called out for only for Craig to hand him a bottle of some local brew.

"Can I have that?" Kenny whined.

Kyle rolled his eyes and handed it over, "Fine."

"Thank you," Kenny said, batting his eyelashes a bit as he spoke. He popped open the bottle and tilted his glass before pouring in that golden liquid once again. This was his third beer, and maybe he was a bit more of a lightweight than he accounted for.

Stan placed down his mug, only the faintest red on his face. By all accounts he was sober, except for the amount of alcohol running through him, and the lack of filter. He pushed out his chair, "I'm heading outside for some fresh air."

"Alright, you do that," Was what he got in response from Cartman who was attempting to stay sober enough to drive. He was failing, but he could still walk straight.

Kenny watched eagerly as Stan left, sipping on his glass of beer the whole while. A small ring of foam was left on his upper lip, "I think I'm gonna do it."

"Don't do it," Cartman warned, heavily aware of what Kenny was referencing as he spoke, "You had a plan."

"I did but last time that fucked me in the ass with a chainsaw," Kenny explained with a shrug, "It's not coming out when I'm sober anyways."

"That's the problem idiot," Cartman muttered, "I'll preorder KFC for your mourning period."

Kenny gave a laugh, "There will be no mourning period this time."

Kyle reached over and swiped his thumb along the foam, wiping it down as best he could, "Don't wanna get beer in your kiss dude."

Kenny instantly froze at the soft, smooth touch. He was shoving it aside again in an instant, "Wish me luck dear friends."

Somehow he got a chorus of 'Good luck!'s on his way out to the sliding door. He wore an all too confident look on his face as he sidled up next to Stan. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill, fresh and green.

"Stan," Kenny begins with boldly.

"Yeah?" Stan answered with.

"I'll give you this crisp twenty dollar bill if you let me kiss you," Kenny said, waving the bill in the air as he spoke. He held it tightly between middle and pointer finger, saccharine grin on his face. He was winning right now.

He studied the slight shifts in Stans expression like he would be tested on it. He waited patiently for a response, he's answered with his twenty dollar bill being snatched away and pocketed. Then it's followed up with a hand at the small of his back tugging him flush against Stan and their lips meeting in a brief instant. That one instant is all he wants though, and maybe he's a bit too drunk to truly appreciate but he still craves it.

Stan releases him, "Thanks for the quick buck."

"Dude I fucking love you," Kenny accidentally said, words coming out in a mush of what he wanted to articulate.

"Real fucking shame," Stan said, leaning against the porch railing.

"You and Wendy hooked up again?" Kenny asked cautiously.

Stan laughed, a beautiful and angelic sound to Kenny, "No, god no. I think she's having an affair with Wendy right now. It's just that I'm shit."

"But you're not," Kenny said blandly, tugging on the syllables just a bit.

"Like, I'm bad at relationships dude. That was a good twenty bucks, but you can't buy your way into wasting your time on me," Stan explained. He tapped his foot on the wooden planks a bit, "Besides, if you're lucky you'll just forget this in the morning."

Kenny was not lucky and he remembered it perfectly when he woke up.

5.

Kenny finds himself holed up in the bathroom at one of his best friends house when the realization of his next accomplice of romance hits him upside the head. Because of course it had to be him, it had too! He almost feels ill to the stomach because he knows exactly what the answer is, he doesn't even want to give himself false hope.

But he does anyways.

Life isn't worth anything if it isn't accompanied by the little lies you can tell yourself.

"Hey dude? You good in there?" Came a rather worried voice from the other side of the bathroom door.

"I'm fine," Kenny answered with as he stood up and unlocked the door. He hesitantly opened it and stepped out.

"So, no KFC or else you're gonna yak?" Cartman asked, Kenny nodded.

"Yeah. Definitely not," Kenny answered with a nervous chuckle.

"Deal breaker man, that's our usual 'Kenny just got rejected' meal," Cartman teased, "We could get something else, I guess."

"Thanks bro," Kenny said with a playful punch to Cartmans shoulder.

How was he gonna go about it this time?

-/-/-/-

He ended up deciding on a letter, a long, well thought out love letter. He knew it was too sappy for Cartman of all people but he also knew he'd just get turned down anyways. Why not do it with a little bit of flare? Have some fun while he's getting rejected for the umpteenth time before he's even done his school education.

He's scrapped at least four rough drafts, looking over the best parts of each and avoiding the really bad parts of the rest. He absolutely wants to die, but Cartman would remember and ask why he died so easily. Stupid curse and it's absolutely garbage ruleset, it really pissed off Kenny at times like this.

He took a deep steadying breath before paper to pen again.

Disclaimer: This letter is entirely seriously. Take each word at face value unless it's clearly part of a metaphor. It isn't a joke. I'm sorry in advance and I'm working on dealing with it.

Maybe that's a little bit too somber for the start, he keeps writing anyways.

Okay, with that disclaimer out the way, I need to say something. Dude I think I like you, I'm know that I do actually, even though you're an awful fucking asshole most of the time. You're just, you can be nice in private if you actually want to and that's pretty fucking endearing. And you've been sitting at my side for each and every single one of my rejections, even back in grade four!

Kenny pauses, maybe grade four is a bit too far back. He's writing in red ink, no going back now.

Look man. Every single time I've had someone reject me, brutally or otherwise, you've been there for me. You've spent entire nights playing shitty video games and eating KFC with me so I can forget and feel better about it. No matter what, and that's impressive if nothing else.

He tightens the grip on his pen a little bit and the side of his hand smudges a bit of the ink.

I already know what the answer is, I think it's helpful to get it out of my system as soon as possible so I don't dwell on it. I already know you're gonna say 'no' and probably call me a stupid homo or a whore cause you do that sometimes.

Sorry in advance, Kenny McCormick.

Before he can dwell on it he folds the paper in half and stuffs it in his pocket before heading out to Cartmans house.

-/-/-/-

"What is it this time? Get rejected by Tweek?" Cartman asked as he leaned on the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. He stared at Kenny, searching for the usual indicative reactions but there wasn't any.

"Worse," Was all Kenny could muster as he pulled out the folded paper.

"What's the paper?" Cartman asked as he snatched it out of Kennys hands. He expected some form of reaction or retaliation but he got absolutely nothing in response which was wrong. It was entirely wrong, he knew exactly how to push each of Kennys buttons and taking something without incentive was usually one of them.

Kenny glanced to his feet, "Read it."

"Right now?" Cartman asked, unfolding the paper doused in red ink.

Kenny nodded, "Or later, whenever works best."

"Something is seriously wrong with you today," Cartman said as he stared at his friend.

"You'll know when you read it," Kenny said absently as Cartman read over the words.

He glanced over them at first, latching onto a couple as he went before rereading it. He held the paper in one hand and tapped it with the back of the other a couple times. Then he checked it once more, disclaimer and all.

"Wow," Was what Cartman could manage.

Kenny couldn't even look Cartman in the face.

"At least you knew the answer am I right?" Cartman got out on an awkward laugh, "Look, I'll still be here eating KFC with you until the end of time, but saying vows? No fucking way."

"I know," Kenny got out quietly, "I know."

Cartman stuffed the letter in one of his few pockets, "Wanna watch a shitty movie and get some KFC?"

Kenny nodded, "That'd be fun."

6?

Kenny just feels dread whenever those butterflies start to flutter in his stomach now, he's trying his hardest to beat them down. To ignore them, stuff them deep down where they'll never surface and hurt him again. He just wants to sob when he fails to keep himself safe, when he feels that all too familiar and unwelcome sensation crowd his skin.

He'll let himself have it one last time, he has a good net to fall back on. Said net being Cartman, and Cartman being used to dealing with an emotionally messed up Kenny. He's even roped Stan into helping him out with rough landing from getting rejected.

The real problem is that Kenny can't tell who it is, he can only tell it's definitely festering in his veins.

All he can do is wait patiently for the catalyst that's gonna set it off. The thing that's gonna let him know exactly who he needs to confess too and get it over with. He's just going through the final motions of school at this rate, trying to survive and ignore the ache.

He tried his best to give a smile when he opened the front door to find Kyle standing out front, "Hi Kyle."

"Meet me at Starks Pond, 5 'o clock sharp," Was what Kyle answered with.

Kenny was just stunned. "What?"

"Starks Pond, just me, and you," Kyle explained, "Five in the evening."

"We'll have to wait and see what happens then," Kenny said as he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his parka, "I am curious about why you'd like to meet me at Starks Pond."

"You'll have to come meet me to find out," Kyle spat back, trying to provoke a reaction out of Kenny. He hadn't been the same since the Stan thing, the Cartman thing went under the radar, even to Kyle.

Kenny raised a brow, "Oh? What makes you so sure of that, I have my ways Broflovski."

"Your ways aren't gonna get a word out of me this time," Kyle countered with, "Not when I've already paid them to keep quiet."

"Impressive," Kenny said, he held out a hand, "Consider it a deal."

Kyle took his hand in a firm shake, "Thanks bro," Then he pulled Kenny into a brief hug.

Kenny short circuited at the touch, the tough but still gentle squeeze. Hand to hand contact never once broken and head resting on his shoulder. He returned it the best he could despite how tense he felt, mostly because it was unexpected. Definitely because it was unexpected.

He watched Kyle walk off in one direction until he was starting to blur on the edge of Kennys eyesight. The McCormick pulled out his phone before sending over a message to Stan for help.

'what the fuck am i supposed to do?'

He watched the bubble flicker with intent.

'good luck man'

-/-/-/-

Starks Pond.

Kenny stagnated at the sign for much longer than he had too, but he really wanted to run away or just sink to the bottom once again. He had a pretty good idea of what was about to happen considering the past of Starks Pond. He wasn't sure if was mentally able to handle it, but it's Kyle, there's no way in fucking hell that Kyle would confess to him.

Especially not at Starks Pond of all places. It's far too cliche. Far too traditional. Far too perfect and exactly what Kennys ever wanted if someone were to confess to him instead.

He looks up from the sign before glancing around to find Kyle situated across the pond. Kenny starts on the trek over, eyes fixed firmly on the ground. He kicks small stones as he goes, some ending up in the consistently near frozen state of the pond. He plucks a crocus on his way over, bright purple petals standing out amidst the frozen ground.

He spins the stem between his thumb and pointer finger as he makes his way over. He actively refrained from the strings on is hood to cover his face, to protect himself just a bit more. He takes a small breath before he speaks up.

"What was it you wanted to talk about?" Kenny asked.

Kyle simply handed him a small, store bought bouquet. He could only tell it was store bought due to the variety of the blooms. He toyed with the petals as he thought over his next words.

"So, you brought me here to give me flowers?" Kenny asked, trying his hardest to avoid the topic that he knew was going to surface. He tactfully placed the crocus he picked alongside the rest of the flowers.

"Idiot, I'm here to ask you out," Kyle corrected, "And I thought you, ever the romantic might understand the connotations of a bouquet."

"Oh I do, I just didn't expect you of all people to fall for someone like me," Kenny said, "I'm kind of a loser these days."

"Who the fuck told you that?" Kyle questioned, both stern and worried all at once.

"No one, I am simply stating facts. Bad luck streak, poor- I am the worst romance candidate possible," Kenny got out on a light laugh, using himself as the butt of the joke just to make sure that Kyle understood he wasn't the right choice. That there are thousands of better choices out there.

Kyle simply answered with a firm, "You're the best one I've met."

"Prove it," Kenny said with a hum of laughter, he swung a foot back and forth, brushing the sole across the ground.

"Firstly, you don't fucking give up, ever, like, at all. Even when you were dying of muscle deterioration you still came back, somehow. You're a determined asshole and I admire that so much you would not believe," Kyle started with, raising a finger for his point, "Secondly, you have a decent sense of humor. In the worst of times and the best of times you're making everyone laugh one way or another. It's impressive honestly."

"And?" Kenny asked, still refusing to believe that Kyle is here to confess to him. It's making his heart pound a little bit harder in his chest, not hard enough to burst an artery of course. He knows exactly what that feels like. This is like a light summer breeze compared to a hurricane.

"Thirdly, you look hot, like honestly bro you are no doubt about it the most attractive of us all. Even more so than Craig, but that might be my blonde bias coming out when I say that. You got a couple scars here and there but honestly it's part of the look, and somehow your hair always looks nice? I don't know how you do it but I'm impressed," Kyle explained carefully, watching Kenny for any form of muted reaction, "And lastly, I love you man. I've grown into it and I doubt I'll grow out of it, but whatever we have, well, it's definitely mutated to love on my end at least."

Now Kenny felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. He couldn't get a single word out.

"I love you Kenny, here's hoping I'm not too late in fessing up," Kyle said, lowering his hand as he spoke.

Oh.

That's who Kenny had fallen for this time.

"You're not, I'm shocked I didn't confess first honestly," Kenny managed to get out.

"I've been procrastinating on this for years man," Kyle said bluntly, "Trust me, there was a massive window of time you could've spoken up first."

Kenny clutched the bouquet a little bit tighter, "I doubt I was in any shape to tell someone like you was crushing on me when I was jumping at the first sign of anything for anyone."

"So, you'll go out with me?" Kyle asked hopefully.

Kenny nodded, "Of course man, I'd fucking love to go on a date with you."

"Wanna go rub it in Cartmans face that you finally have a boyfriend?" Kyle asked in an almost teasing tone as he held out a hand.

"Fuck yeah," Came Kennys knee jerk response, gladly taking hand and interlacing their fingers.

[a-whale-bone]

For the ao3 asks: all of them or as many as you can! Questions 4/5/6: There is no love manual for robots. For 18/19/20: Heart/Gear. For 21/22/24: Essential Maintenance. For 27/29/47: while(true).

Thank you for indulging me! I've answered p much everything except the questions about music because I don't really associate writing and music and can't answer them...

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

Either "Episodic Memory" which is kind of a distillation of All The Things I Like in droidshipping or my short series "Radio Heart" which feels like my quintessence Cassian/K2 stuff.

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

Robot/Human Relationships

Pining

Developing Relationship

Robot Sex

Food

The first four are… yep, that's it, that's me. I didn't realise I wrote about food enough to tag it that often, though!

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Robots, hurt/comfort, hand stuff, people fixing one another, hair stroking, a whole lot of earnestness. I also love an AU.

4. What detail in [insert fic] are you really proud of?

In "There is no love manual for robots" my favourite detail is probably when Cassian pushes Bodhi back against Kay to kiss him and Kay puts his arms round them both because he is SO BIG.

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about [insert fic]? Answer it now!

Was there anything I wanted to include in "love manual" but didn't - and the answer there is yes! There was a scene between Bodhi and Chirrut, talking about Jedha and people they'd lost, and Chirrut tells him about how he and Baze have been together forever and Bodhi gets all wistful and how he'd like to have something like that. Chirrut, ofc, already knows something is up and gives him some cryptic, well-meaning and probably unhelpful advice.

6. What’s one fact about the universe of [insert fic] that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?

In "Love manual" Bodhi and Chirrut briefly talk about the Force and whether droids are alive enough for the Force to be a thing for them, and I am here to tell you that yes it is.

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

Worldbuilding is probably one of my weaker points, but I am proud of the worldbuilding in my robot orchestra origfic Electric Sonata, especially the stuff about music by and for androids being different from music by and for humans. I had a lot of fun working on that fic.

9. How do you find new fic to read?

With difficulty! I track pairing tags on AO3, and browse recent exchanges, but otherwise I only really find things if someone recs them to me.

10. How do you decide what to write?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ usually if something won't leave my brain I'll write it to get it out. Then it's a mixture of inspiration, deadlines, or guilt.

11. Are you partial to a certain character/pairing or are you more equal-opportunity? If you are partial to any character/pairing, why do you think that is?

I wish I were more equal opportunity! But I latch onto particular pairings or characters like a little gremlin and that's pretty much that. My current favourite ships are Cassian/K2 and Bodhi/K2. The robot/human angle works for me, there's elements of loyalty kink and competence kink that work for both ships, and lots of opportunities for hurt/comfort and two people who are very different and messed up finding something together.

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

AUs! Years ago I used to only read canon-verse stuff, but I absolutely love AUs now.

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

Soulmates. I would read it for my ships still, but I don't really like predestination for a romantic relationship much now.

14. Are there any tropes you would only read if written by a trusted friend or writer?

Recovery from non-con / abuse. Amazing in the right hands, but very easy to do in a way that wouldn't work for me.

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

I'm going to discount Everybody Lives AUs because they barely even feel like AUs in Rogue One fandom, lol. It's got to be "darkness, moonrise", my His Dark Materials AU. I love HDM, and figuring out how to blend that world (and not just daemons) with Rogue One was so much fun. And I got attached to everyone's daemons.

16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

I kind of want a mundane Rogue One AU that still keeps the plot? Like sure it's a coffee shop, but also they need to steal the blueprints for the Big Evil Not-Starbucks Coffeeshop that's going to put them out of business. K-2 is a belligerent sentient espresso machine.

For AUs I've loved: "1 Rogue Street" by @r0b0tb0y is an amazing haunted house AU (with bonus Midlands jokes), "Never So Human" is @bright-elen's fantastic Tam Lin AU, "Sparks" also by Bright Elen is a modern-ish AU where K2 is a dating app and he and Cassian fall in love, and "chaos, yet harmony" by @rain-sleet-snow is a canon divergence featuring one of my favourite f/f rarepairs Jyn/Ahsoka.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

I accidentally talked myself into shipping Bodhi and Kay while writing my His Dark Materials AU, because I sent them off together so the other ships could spend time together. So I want to write an Everybody Lives AU of my AU where they hook up. Will anyone read it? No. And yet I have a half-written fic I occasionally go back to.

18. If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it involve?

"Heart/Gear" is mostly angsty but the sequel would probably include Cassian and K figuring out a way to use Cassian's new spinal implants in a sexy way.

19. If you wrote a spin-off of [insert fic], what would it involve?

A "Heart/Gear" spin-off would be some kind of caper with Jyn, Bodhi, Baze and Chirrut trying to find and restore a KX chassis so K2 could be reuploaded. There are probably explosions.

20. If you wrote a prequel to [insert fic], what would it involve?

"Heart/Gear" would have a super angsty prequel of Cassian trying and failing to get by without Kay, all while pretending he's coping and the rest of Rogue One trying to help him while he refuses to be helped.

21. If you wrote a “missing scene” in [insert fic], what would it be?

Well "Essential Maintenance" is a PWP and one scene so I don't know if it could have a missing scene, but perhaps another scene at the end where K2 and Bodhi go over all the exciting new data and that gets them going again because they are NERDS. (I deeply believe that K and Bodhi are nerds at heart.)

22. Who is your favorite character in [insert fic] and why?

Bodhi is my fave in "Essential Maintenance". I love top!Bodhi, and I like his pragmatic problem solving approach to sex with Kay. I like writing Bodhi as a techy guy.

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

Time travel! God I love time travel. I just need to have some kind of plot, because you cannot wing time travel the way I wing so many fics.

24. Are there any easter eggs in [insert fic], and if so, what are they?

Not much space for Easter eggs in PWPs like "Essential Maintenance", but this line, sort of:

"He did enjoy Kay making him wait, winding him tighter and tighter until he felt like he was going to shake into pieces."

Even when it's not angsty I always want to have some reference to Bodhi being in pieces, because I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about post-Bor Gullet Bodhi being a bit broken.

25. What other websites or resources do you use most often when you write?

Wookieepedia, ofc.

26. Would you rather write a fic that had no dialogue or one that was only dialogue?

No dialogue. It probably wouldn't be readable, but at least I wouldn't have to worry about my dialogue being OOC.

27. How long did it take to write [insert fic]? Describe the process.

It took maybe two weeks or so to write "while(true)". It was an exchange fic so I was on a deadline. The first couple of days I was throwing ideas around but none of them were coalescing into a plot. I had the scene where Cassian has to fix an inert K2 and it was going to lead to Cassian doing something reckless and K later being mad at him, but I couldn't get it to hang together. Then I tried something more light-hearted. Eventually I realised that I had lots of moments, all with a different tone, and that a 5+1 type fic could be a good way to look at different points in the relationship. Throwing out the need for a full plot made it all flow.

28. Does anyone read your fics before you post them? If so, who?

Not often, though I should get a beta reader really. Occasionally lovely Bright Elen will look over something when I'm flailing about it not working and be very kind about it!

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

I have, but I've not published it because I'm not happy with it. I'm not really a dark writer but I tried to write something a lot darker and more morally complex than I usually do and it's kind of a mess. But it was interesting, especially to realise how often I take some easy routes or make characters nicer than they maybe can or should be.

31. What’s your ideal fic length to write?

Depends on the fic! I love drabbles and also 100k epics.

32. What’s your ideal fic length to read?

Depends on what I'm in the mood for. Sometimes I don't have much brain space and want something short and sweet, other times I want to dig into a novel.

33. If you write chaptered fics, what’s your ideal chapter length to write? Is it different from your ideal chapter length to read?

About 3-5k words, both to read and write.

34. What aspects of your writing are inspired by/taken from your real life?

Ahaha some stuff is not meant to be shared online. I did enjoy setting some scenes of "darkness, moonrise" in Oxford, as I used to live there and could use real places I knew well.

35. What aspects of your writing are completely unlike your real life?

I have never lived in space or fallen in love with a single robot :(

36. Do you visualize what you read/write?

Absolutely, to the point that I get stuck on descriptions because I can't explain what I've visualised.

37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it?

"Clockwork" is a steampunk AU that I had a ball writing. I think steampunk lends itself really well to Rogue One!

38. Did any of your fics get surprisingly popular (whatever that means to you)? Which ones? Why do you think they were so successful?

I don't know about surprisingly, but "Brief Encounters of an Unusual Kind" is my most popular, as it caught the first wave of The Mandalorian's popularity. I was quite surprised at the reception to "Changing Protocols" with my clone trooper and B1 droid OCs! That got a lot more traction than I expected.

39. Is any aspect of your writing process inspired by other writers or people? If so, who?

I can single-handedly credit Bright Elen for getting me into droidshipping <3

40. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I reread my faves constantly.

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

On "Episodic Memory" someone wrote 'But, here comes a story that defies all the typical aspects of love and you make me fall deeper in love with the idea of love' and honestly it made me a bit weepy because holy shit??? I love that commenter.

43. If you take/write prompts: what’s your favorite prompt fic that you’ve written?

One of the exchange prompts was for steampunk AU and I loved writing "Clockwork" so much.

44. If you take/write prompts: do you prefer dialogue or scenario/narrative prompts?

Definitely scenario/narrative.

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

Writing generally, I think! But also having some kind of plan before I write something, instead of haring off on a half-baked idea and then getting discouraged when it doesn't work.

46 - answered!

47. If [insert fic] was a pair of shoes, what kind would it be? Describe the shoes.

Since "while(true)" is like five fics in one it would have to be a pair of those multipurpose running shoes that are good on trails and road and look nice enough that you could sort of get away with them as a casual normal shoe.

48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

"Desert Sunrise" in the SW Rarepairs exchange, a Beru Whitesun/Pelli Motto fic. Definitely recommend, I really enjoyed it!

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

The final chapter of Circuits and Glow, which I hope to compete by the end of the year. Here's a bit from that:

"K-2SO rebooted, and for eight-point-two seconds he did not know where he was or how much time had passed. His optics flickered in and out. The sound through his audio processors was distorted and his vocabulator was offline. His last memory was corrupted. Panic flooded his processors, and he desperately sought the last complete memory file."

And my Rogue One Hunger Games AU (hopefully ready for AO3 next year):

"A lot of people were surprised when Jyn Erso emerged as the victor of the Hunger Games. District Nine hadn’t had a winner since Steela Gerrera over two decades ago, and Jyn was no Steela: too small, too light, too unassuming.

More fool them."

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[beggingwolf]

🍬 🥝 🐝

"Post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character"

are you trying to get me in trouble?? ahahaha... luckily I really don't feel like I have any particular hot takes or unpopular opinions. (Also: by what metrics is an opinion unpopular?? different groups of people have different thoughts etc etc).

I think maaaaybe I'd say that I don't think Sid would be a great choice for coach or GM. I don't know that he's incapable, no, but I also think there's a thing where people assume that if you are good at something, you'd also be good at teaching it. I know firsthand that isn't the case. Teaching, instructing, and coaching are all their own skills, and while I think Sid is a good captain, I think he's yet to really indicate any coaching abilities.

"Do you lie a lot? What's the most recent lie you told?"

you ARE trying to get me in trouble 👀 well I guess I lied at work by saying I was working from home yesterday due to being under the weather. I was not. I had a job interview lol

"Tag your biggest supporters and say something nice about them"

Aww you've redeemed yourself haha. Man I have so many people I love and cherish in this fandom that it feels unfair to try to list them all. I notice people who regularly comment on my fics (and I adore them), I notice people who show up in my notes, I notice people who've reached out to me during chaos or even just to say hi during a game intermission, and it's been so lovely to have all of them around. A few are called out below anonymously.

K1: Sometimes I miss that couch in your apartment. Thank you for being you.

L1: I love you so much and you mean the world to me. I don't know who I'd be without you.

L2: I want to be like you when I grow up.

J1: You inspire me daily for being so unapologetically yourself. Someday I'll follow you out there, I'm sure.

K2: I love getting to unearth new mysteries about you, and finding out after each turned rock that we are so very alike. Also, you're great to climb a hill with.

W1+K3: you helped make my summer adventures happen with your generosity and hospitality and sense of adventure... how lucky I consider myself to know such kind people

...and so many more

[dragons-and-scorpions]

Note: This account used to be called the “jaded-dragons”

—

About Jade

Name | Jade

Age | 25

Pronouns | she/her

Gender/Sexuality | female, bi lesbian

Extra | I am an alter in a DID system. If parts see things that they think I will like they will reblog them for me, typically with things like “jade coded” or “jade vibes” with their names attached. I also have a subsystem called the Dragons and those girls may tag themselves accordingly. Medusa, Nef, or Katana may tag themselves too.

I am a very femme lesbian, I am typically dominant by nature. Though for the right person I am open to being submissive.

Honorifics I accept | Domina, Mistress, Dame, Madame, Master, Your Majesty. Do not call me Mommy.

Kinks you may see here | butch4femme (not into femmes, sorry), dominant lesbian things, impact play, weapon play, bondage, breath play/breath restriction, degradation/humiliation (to my partner, not to me), body worship, t4t, edging, exhibitionism, mild hierophilia, objectification, mild sadism, hate sex/angry sex, sensory deprivation, marking, (consensual) forced masturbation/commanding how one should please themselves.

Non-kink things you may see here | angry-toned posts, SA trauma related posts, art I enjoy, religious trauma, demonic imagery, violent imagery/descriptions of violence.

I am terrible with tagging things correctly so consider yourself warned. These are all trigger warnings and you are responsible for your own wellbeing. If you choose to interact with my posts and you find yourself triggered, may you suffer your own incompetence.

About Elektra

Name | Elektra/Elle

Age | 25

Pronouns | she/they

Gender/Sexuality | bi lesbian, butch

Extra | I am a part in a DID system, so other parts in my system may tag me in posts, usually as “for Elle” or “Elektra coded.” I also have a subsystem and some of them use he/him pronouns. Collectively butch lesbian, though. They might tag themselves as “K1/K2” or “S” or just use the 🦂 emoji.

I believe I am a stone butch, though I’m still working on how I feel about that. I am very much a dominant.

Honorifics I accept | Boss, Sire, Ser/Sir, Domina/Dom

Same kinda kinks as Jade as we are pretty connected in-sys. I’m a big biter and into much rougher roughhousing than she is. 😝 Same non-kink TWs as well.

Butch4Butch only in this here house.

Both of us are dating a lovely butch we sometimes will tag with “sev” or “seven.”