#however fuckin wild it is it actually helps

[fatestitcherr]

i am so sleeby ausghhsh

[p0rnd3aler]

ME AND YOUR MAMA

Sanemi x reader

MINORS DNI. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME

CW: smut, penetrative sex, reader has a pussy and tits, handjob, Sanemi an asshole, drunk sex, enemies to lovers kind of?, there’s a slap somewhere in there but not during the sex

Word Count: 5,609

Yeah I wish I had a reason for doing this one.

You met Sanemi for the first time after becoming Mitsuri’s Tsuguko. Since you were always literally living with her, you saw Obanai coming over a lot. You didn’t mind the boy, and he didn’t mind you either, actually reacting rather warmly to your presence due to the sheer fact you were Mitsuri’s Tsuguko. He liked to think of you as his and Mitsuri’s sort of love child, as weird as that may seem.

However, since Obanai and Sanemi were so close, you would sometimes see the rather brutish boy while living in the Love Mansion while Obanai was visiting Mitsuri.

These sightings, however, were typically awkward, and you chalk that up to your first meeting.

You were at the hot springs enjoying yourself, when a sudden gust of wind had decided your clothes deserved a dip in the water as well. You looked at the pitiful clothing as it sunk to the bottom, a subtle “well fuck,” leaving your mouth as you dipped below the water to grab it. Shortly after, you head back to the Love Mansion, in nothing but your towel, to ask Mitsuri if she has an extra kimono you can borrow. Once you get there, you ask one of the hinoto in the mansion where Mitsuri is, and they inform you she had left to go eat with Obanai.

Well fuck x2.

You decide Mitsuri wouldn’t mind if you just borrowed one of her kimonos for the evening, in fact she always loves when you borrow her things, so she would probably be ecstatic about it. You head into her room, still wrapped in your towel mind you, and start looking for something to borrow. However, while shuffling through her clothes, you hear her door open behind you, and a low sound. Almost like a gulp? That definitely wasn’t Mitsuri.

Well fuck x3.

You turn your head and see a man, with wild white hair. He’s covered in scars. Jesus, he’s ripped. Somehow his chest is more exposed than yours AND Mitsuri’s. Wow his lashes are so long. Is he blushing?

“Hello, can I help you?” You utter, suddenly conscious of your lack of clothing as you try to be as normal as possible about the petrifying situation.

The man is absolutely red, eyes stuck on your face and not daring to go any lower out of sheer humiliation in his part.

“Is this,” he clears his throat so loudly it sounds like it must’ve hurt “Isn’t this Mitsuri’s room?”

You’re starting to blush, embarrassment finally overtaking the initial shock, still trying to make the situation seem less weird as you respond “Oh yeah it is, but she’s out eating with Obanai. Did you need something specific?” You turn completely towards him and take a step forward “I could pass a message to her if you wa-“

He puts his hands up and interrupts you, averting his gaze to the ground, the wall, anywhere but you

“No no, it’s fine, I was just looking for Obanai anyway. Thanks.”

Sanemi quickly excuses himself and leaves the mansion shortly after. Heading to town, face red and petrified. All he wanted was to ask his friend when they were supposed to go eat, instead he got an eye full of some random girl’s ass AND he got stood up by his friend. He’s so pissed. And embarrassed. And kind of turned on. But mostly pissed. And embarrassed. When he finally finds Obanai and Mitsuri they look shocked. Then they remember they were supposed to be eating WITH him. Mitsuri immediately gasps at the realization and starts apologizing “Oh my God! I’m so sorry! We were so caught up in our conversation we completely forgot!” Obanai pipes in “Yeah, we’re sorry man- wait why are you so red”

Sanemi is so pissed.

He is so pissed but the mortification of what he just experienced is overshadowing his anger so he just gruffs out “It’s fuckin fine I’m fine,” and the three continue their meal like they normally would.

Ever since that fated day you two are EXTREMELY awkward around each other. Though you don’t see each other every day, it’s still often enough for you both to be consistently reminded of your first encounter. Even after learning each others’ names, and engaging in “small talk” (AKA you talking while he wishes he could teleport to anywhere but here) while Mitsuri and Obanai are off canoodling in the background, you are still stiff with the haunting memories of your first meeting together. It stresses Sanemi the fuck out, and his outlet for stress? Taking it out on you. Which wasn’t odd, but he was usually tamer around girls. Not nice, but tamer. With you? He was worse than usual. He was very snappy, and always completely cold and indifferent, and nobody knew why. Obanai and Mitsuri picked up on it, which led to Obanai asking him what was up one day, as the two boys were hanging out alone. After agonizing about it for a couple of minutes Sanemi came clean with Obanai, who laughed his ass off at how stupid the two of you were. Seriously. He also IMMEDIATELY told Mitsuri, who giggled and said “awe, oh nooo, no wonder they turn so red around each other, I thought they were in love.”

You weren’t.

After your first meeting with him, and him being rude to you every time after that, you could care less about his weird ass. You didn’t even care about how you could see his tight abs contract whenever he was training, or how his long lashes shaded his eyes when he looked down in thought. Nope. Not even when his chest heaved after a hard days work, sweat dripping and glistening on every detail of his scarred skin. None of that mattered.

The same way how he NEVER thought about the curve of your ass, or how your damp hair stuck to your breasts, or how your glossy lips pouted whenever he would snap at you. He NEVER considered what it would be like to touch that warm space between your legs and make you tremble for him.

Yeah you were both down bad.

It was driving Obanai crazy. Mitsuri loved it, she thought your guys’ little awkward courtship was adorable. Obanai hated it. He just wanted you two to fuck and get it over with already. “Maybe it’ll get Sanemi to wind the fuck down a bit.” He said.

So they decided to give y’all a little push. It was a team effort for them.

Obanai invited you and Sanemi to go out drinking with him and Mitsuri. Sanemi took some coaxing, but you were excited to see your two best friends and the guy you wanted to fuck, so you eagerly said yes. While you were getting ready you noticed Mitsuri doting on you extra hard, even going as far as doing your makeup and hair for you.

“What’s the point in me wearing makeup? We’re just going drinking” you ask, looking at the ground as she put eyeliner on you

“I’m wearing makeup too, I don’t wanna be the only girl all dressed up! Plus you’re so pretty! It’d be such a shame to not emphasize your features” she gushed over you a bit more, making sure to fluff your breasts a bit before grabbing your hand and skipping out of her room together. She made SURE your tits were out just as much as hers and although you were a bit confused by her sudden attention to detail, you felt pretty damn cute. Sanemi felt the same way, feeling his dick twitch at the sight of your pretty face and your tits nearly spilling out of your kimono.

The walk to the bar felt sooooo long, each time you would try to talk to him he couldn’t help but see your tits bounce with each step in his peripheral vision, so he opted to not look at you at all. Answering everything with short “yeah”s and “mhm”s. You couldn’t help but feel suddenly self conscious. You started getting down on yourself, ‘is he so unattracted to me that even makeup doesn’t help?’ And you suddenly felt like a clown for putting in so much effort just to be ignored. Meanwhile he was trying his best to coax his brain to think of traumatic events just so he doesn’t bust in his pants in front of you, God, and his best friend.

A couple feet in front of you two Obanai and Mitsuri are gossiping about you both.

“Why aren’t they talking?” The Love Hashira was frantic

“Babe, they’re idiots” he got his cheek pinched for that, quickly uttering “it’s trueee! But things will work themselves out! They just need this one little push.”

Mitsuri anxiously glances back, trying not to be obvious. When she sees the look on sanemi’s face, and the way you’re anxiously fiddling with the belt of your kimono, both of you blushing like virgins? She starts smirking. Turning forward and lacing her arm with Obanai before leaning over and whispering “You were righhhtttttt!”

“I knowwwwww!” He whispered back.

They were so in love it made you guys wanna puke. In an endearing way. It was like watching your parents kiss as a child, and it gave both you and Sanemi a slightly less awkward feeling.

“God, those two were made for each other.”

You think out loud

Sanemi nods and almost smiles, wearing a lopsided grin “They’re so in love it makes me sick.”

You laugh at his joke, making the couple in front of you look at each other with wide eyes, and making the poor man next to you almost buckle at the knees.

“Awww no way…maybe just a little” you reply with just a little bit of snark, which makes Sanemi warm up to you a little bit more. Not that you, or anybody else would ever know that, because he’s hell bent on staying emotionally constipated for the rest of his days. But deep down, underneath the constipated surface, he genuinely likes you. He was just VERY sexually frustrated. And an asshole. Plus his last crush died. He’s a little traumatized be patient.

You guys finally got to the bar, and immediately ordered some sake. They forced you and Sanemi to sit next to each other, making you both blush and fidget awkwardly. Once the drinking started, you and Sanemi started to loosen up a bit. Not with each other, though, you both just started talking to mitsuri and Obanai. Suddenly you got too excited, talking to the Love Hashira about something funny you remembered, and lost your balance slightly, bumping into Sanemi. With a little liquid courage in him, he was brave enough to steady you with both of his hands uttering a gentle but gruff

“Are you alright?”

“Mhm,” you look up at him with your flushed face, your glossy eyes gazing up at him through your pretty lashes and reply with a small “Thank you.” He feels his dick throb in his pants and panics. He quickly pushes you off of his body and steadies you back on your seat before ripping his hands from your body as if you were scalding hot. He’s stressed as hell with both of his hands on his knees mumbling “Don’t fucking mention it,” albeit, a little more aggressively than he meant it, he’s just so fucking frustrated, and he doesn’t know what to do. He wants you so bad but he doesn’t know how to initiate anything romantic, so he just suffers in his own little sexually frustrated hell. And you DO NOT make it easy on him. However, you slump a little at his attitude, wondering why he always has to treat you this way. Mitsuri notices how sad you look and before your drunk girl tears can start she ushers you to the bathroom. She grabs your hand and forces you to skip all the way there with her, making your mood brighten just a bit.

Whilst in your own little girl bubble together, she looks at you and says

“Soooo…”

You raise an eyebrow at her “Sooo…what?”

She suddenly stopped walking and grabbed both of your hands, swinging you in front of her gently before whispering to you

“What’s up with you and Sanemi?”

You start to pout “is it that obvious?”

“YES!” She says a little too loudly, earning looks from a couple drinkers who are still close enough to hear you “you both turn so red and get so awkward around each other!”

“I wish!” You admit, the alcohol erasing all caution about your crush on him “He totally hates me…”

“Not from what Obanai tells me!” She says in a bright little whisper, “Cheer up. He’s got a rough personality, but he does like you. We can both tell.” You try not to roll your eyes at your sweet, sweet friend, but you can’t help but feel like she’s just trying to spare your feelings. You give her a little smile and say “Okay, okay. Thank you.” She nods, hands you her hair comb, and says “Go cool off a bit in the bathroom, fix your hair a little, and come back out when you feel as pretty as you look tonight.”

You can’t help but hug her sweet ass. You both have a little drunk girl hug moment, giggling and doting on each other, before you both finally let go. Mitsuri skipping back to the table, and you entering the bathroom to fix yourself up again. You splash a little cool water on your face, which helps you sober up just the tiniest bit, smooth down your hair a bit, and after a couple of minutes of deep breathing, you head back out there, getting back to the table, just to see Mitsuri and Obanai getting ready to leave.

“Hey, where are you guys going?”

Obanai looks at you and looks back at Mitsuri, her being mostly carried by him and barely conscious.

“She’s had a little too much to drink, so I’m just gonna take her back to my place so I can keep an eye on her,” he hoists her up in his grip a bit, “…make sure she doesn’t choke on her own puke.”

You nod hesitantly, not because you doubt Iguro, you know he would never do anything bad to Mitsuri, you just didn’t know where this left you and Sanemi.

“Sanemi, d’you mind walking her home?” Obanai speaks, gesturing to you with a slight jerk of his head. Sanemi sputters “Wha? No way, she’s a Tsuguko she can walk herse-“

“Don’t. Be. An ass. Just walk the poor girl home.” Obanai snips at him, before hoisting Mitsuri up on his back, and piggybacking her out of there.

Sanemi grumbles and drags his hands dramatically down his face in exasperation. You can’t help but feel awkward and kind of hesitant about walking home with him. You both sit there in silence for a couple of minutes.

“Hey, don’t worry about walking me home, I’ll just tell them that you did. Don’t worry about it.”

He sighs dramatically in response “Shut the fuck up. Let’s go.” He stands up straight, tosses some money on the table, and grabs your hand roughly before walking towards the exit. As rough as his grip is, you can’t help but blush because this is the most physical contact you guys have had with each other. Most of the walk back was spent with you both silently blushing, and holding hands, painfully wishing that the other wouldn’t bring it up.

“Sanemi, you’re going kind of fast, I can’t keep up.”

“Shut up. You’re fucking fine.”

His grip on your hand tightens. You frown softly to yourself the rest of the way back. The speed of his pace evidence enough that he would rather be anywhere but here, anywhere except next to you. It sucks wanting to be with him. You start to think bitterly to yourself.

Once you both get back, he walks you towards the door to the mansion, stops slightly right of it, and roughly tugs you from behind him to shove you towards the door.

“There. You’re home for fucks sake.”

He turns to leave, but you’re fed the fuck up at this point. Even when he’s drunk he’s still an asshole.

“Why do you always have to be such a dick?”

He immediately stops, pivoting around and stomping towards you, making you back up until your back hits the wall. He slams both of his hands on the wall behind you, trapping you between them.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?”

You glare up at him “Why the FUCK are you such a DICK all the time?”

He scoffs with his brows raised, and starts to mock you “Oh, what, somebody doesn’t blow smoke up your ass about how hot you are for once and suddenly your whole night’s ruined?” The way his speech is slightly slurred is the only telltale sign he’s just as drunk as you.

You make a bewildered face at him.

“What the fuck are you talking about? Is-is this about that one time?”

He also makes a bewildered face at you.

“The fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m talkin about that time when you walked in on me!”

His whole face turns red and he finally moves his arms off the wall in favor of covering his face with his hands and screaming into them.

You watch on with indifference, if not slight confusion. Eyebrow raised at him as he’s doubled over screaming by himself.

“I think you’re the worst thing that’s happened to me since I became a demon slayer”

You interrupt his meltdown with your own little outburst, honestly you just wanted to hurt his feelings too for once. However, this causes him to straighten up slowly, and inhale before removing his hands from his face.

“Oh yeah? What a privileged life you live, to have some guy who doesn’t want you be the worst thing that’s happened to you. Do you know what everyone else here has BEEN through?” He starts slowly stalking towards you, making you back up to the wall again. “Seems like we’ve all earned our places here except you, doesn’t it?” He stops about half of a foot in front of you “You think I’m the worst thing that’s happened to YOU? You dumb fucking bitch. You’re fucking delusional. Just you wait. Being here will-“

It all happened so fast.

Your palm stung from smacking him, he suddenly went silent, then he looked at you. Cheek bright red and stinging.

Then, he was grabbing your ass and kissing you. It was so, so desperate, too. As soon as his lips came into contact with yours, his palms grabbing handfuls of your ass, he groaned. You kissed back immediately, of course, your hands taking purchase in his hair and grabbing at the roots gently. He parted from you, panting for a second as he moved to suck on your bottom lip. His hands pulled you up, and you wrapped your legs around his waist as he carried you into the Love mansion. He stumbled drunkenly down the hall towards the rooms, you parting from him and quickly whispering a

“hereherehererighthere”

Once he gets to your bedroom door. Then he slides it open, steps inside, and immediately slams it it shut. He lowers both of you to the ground, himself on top of you. He removes his right hand from your ass and places it on your cheek, stroking it with his thumb gently. He stops kissing you just to speak with your lips still touching

“Fuck…wanted you for so long,”

He’s rutting his rock hard dick against your pussy, your kimono exposing you panties and leaving very little separating you from him. He starts feverishly kissing you again. He bites your bottom lip then runs his tongue across it, pulling away to give little kisses to it as his horny little apology for being rough with it. Runs his tongue along the roof of your mouth, just to lick the inside of your teeth and make you shiver. His left thumb sneaks under your panties, and starts rubbing at your pussy. He rubs at your slit, and accidentally touches your clit making you jump. He stops moving and pulls his tongue out of your mouth to look down at you, going back and rubbing the same spot, making you whine soooo sweetly for him. He leans down and sucks at your neck, rubbing your clit again, this time a little rougher, making you moan and your hips do a little jerk against his touch. You feel him smirking as he switches to suck on the other side of your neck

“Right there?” He huffs out, his voice is so low and raspy in your ear, as he rubs another little circle in your clit, making you moan once again as your panties start to dampen his hard cock. He groans at your reaction

“Ohhhh yeah…it’s right there isn’t it baby…your pussy’s slobbering all over my dick, it must feel so good” at this point he’s rubbing it mercilessly, and you’re panting and grinding against his touch letting out a breathy

“Yes baby, right there baby,” and god if your breathy little voice doesn’t send him over the edge. He leans back on his heels and hooks both hands into your panties before roughly tugging them down your legs, looking down with his face bright red and his eyes glossy and desperate for you. His eyes watch as your pussy drips down your ass and onto the floor, and he whimpers at the sight.

He whimpered.

You can’t help but spread your legs for him, and the sight of you doing that before him makes him wonder what he ever did that made the Universe think he deserved this. He groans as he looms over you, the sight of him like this makes all your blood rush to your pussy.

His hairs disheveled, his shirt baggy and showing his buff, heaving chest. His mouth open and panting, his eyes pitiful and screaming “I’m sorry I just wanna put it in you so bad” the sight of him reduced to this alone is enough to make you cum. He kisses you again, leaning on one hand and using the other to thumb at your nipple. You both moan into each others mouths once he touches it, and he stops kissing you so he can start sucking hickies onto your chest. The feeling of his rough lips against your tender skin making you moan. You place your hands on the back of his head, a silent plea to not stop, as you start rubbing your wet pussy against his clothed dick. He groans pitifully against his mouthful of your tit and you feel his dick throb against you. You can’t help but let your jaw slack at everything going on right now. You continue grinding against him and his pops off of your tit, leaving a huge mark on it, and he starts licking at your nipple, tweaking the other with his hand. You moan and jump at the sensation, and he looks up at you with those pitiful eyes again, half lidded as he takes your nipple into his mouth and starts sucking on it, groaning into your skin when he feels how wet you get on his dick after he does that. You grip his hair at the root and pull him off your nipple with a loud and wet pop, and he lets out a guttural groan at the sensation. Your tits covered in his spit and hickies, and his toned body heaving against yours as he pants.

“Sanemi…” you reach your hand under the waistband of his pants and grab his painfully hard dick, forcing a broken moan out of him

“I need you so bad.” You whine back at him. He nods breathlessly, and you start pushing his shirt off his shoulders. Watching his large pecs and the harsh lines of his abs twitch with excitement as he pulls his dick out, making you raise your brows in aroused shock.

He’s so thick, his cock so heavy that even though he’s the hardest he’s ever been in his life, it’s still weighed down by his sheer girth. His dick starts weeping precum and it drips down to your clit perfectly. Before he can do anything you lean up and grab it, drooling down onto his dick and jerking it as you look up at him, rest your chin against his abs as he looks down at you. God the face he’s making is so fucking hot, his lips are slightly colored from your lipstick rubbing off on him, and he just looks so utterly pitiful as he lets out a string of broken moans and sobs, the sight of your pretty face looking up at him as you jerk off his dick reduces him to a little puddle of desperation, and he quickly cums at the sight in front of him, shooting ropes onto your chest and grunting out a loud

“Fuuuuuuuuuuck-k yes please,” he wheezes in desperation as you start jerking him faster, overstimulating him “pleaseeee, yes pleeeassee fu-uck fuck yes, ohhhhh, oh God” his eyes start rolling back as he puts one hand on the back of your head, and the other on your cheek

“Let me put it in. Please, need to be inside you”

He starts leaning you back down, positioning himself over you, resting on one elbow with his hand behind your head, and placing his other hand over the one you have still holding his cock before he starts pushing the tip inside of you. He tightens his grip on your hand as he teases his head in and out of your hole, forcing some high pitched moans out of you, and getting a couple of throaty groans out of him as well. Your pussy sucks his whole tip inside, and you both whimper pitifully. He takes his hand off of yours and rests it next to your head, stroking your hair lightly as he starts slowly humping his dick into you. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, letting out a little desperate “mhm” for every inch that he sinks deeper into you. When he finally gets balls deep, you feel his entire length twitch, as he whimpers a little choked-out-high-pitched “fuck” and takes in shaky breath. You’ve been panting and moaning, desperate since he started fucking himself into you, and the feeling of his fat balls resting and twitching against your ass has your head spinning and your pussy squeezing him even tighter.

He starts with a slow drag out of your pussy, his whole body trembling with need but he’s trying so, so hard to be gentle with you because he knows once he loses himself in this he’s not gonna stop. And he slowly slides himself back to the very hilt. He doesn’t wanna hurt you, but he’s been waiting for you for so long and you feel “fuck you’re so tight and fucking wet oh my god.” He tilts his head up and his eyes flutter open and look down at you, he swallows hard. The thumb on the hand he still has on the back of your head starts stroking your hair, the hand that was next to you now stroking your cheek as he looks down at you so deep and vulnerable, his cheeks still flushed as he starts grinding with his dick still buried inside you, rubbing against your g spot and cervix as his base rubbed your clit so sweetly

“Fuuuuuuuck Sanemi, oh god” you keen underneath him, you bring one hand up to his face as you start stroking his cheek gently too, your other hand gripping harshly at his pants. You’re both moaning and panting while maintaining eye contact, and you can’t help but feel your heart flutter at the intimacy and vulnerability of it all.

“Is…is this okay?” He asks you, all breathy and raspy. His voice goes straight to your pussy and you whine a shaky

“Mhmmmm”

You wrap your legs around his waist and try to pull him impossibly deeper

“I’ve wanted you for a long time too”

You say, and god your voice is oh so sweet and light with arousal.

“Really?” His cheeks get redder, he starts grinding harder against you as his thumb that was stroking your cheek goes lower to start rubbing your clit

“Ah! Yes! Wanted you so bad!”

He smiles down at you and god he looks so soft, so beautiful, fuck. The way he’s rubbing your clit makes it burn with pleasure and you start bubbling little praises for him

“So good”, “so big”, “you’re so pretty, nemi”

He’s blushing and he stops grinding into you just to start pulling out and and thrusting into you, slow and soft, his abs flexing as his chest rubs against yours. He shifts and and accidentally changes the angle of his hips, so when he starts thrusting directly into your g-spot and your pussy clamps down as you squeal with pleasure, he stops, worried that he’s hurt you

“Oh fuck, ‘r you okay?”

“Yes please, please, please don’t stop. Fuck. Right there keep going please baby”

He just looks at you, eyes half lidded and pussy drunk as he nods and starts thrusting harder into you, right into that little soft spot inside you. Your pussy drooling around his cock so much it drips down to his balls and makes a disgusting squelching sound everytime he buries himself into you.

He groans, deep and raspy at the sound

“Fuckkkkkk”

He starts rubbing your clit faster, looking down at you with his sweet, red, and fucked out face

“Cum on it…” he’s panting, his voice raspy from being so loud “…wanna see the look in your eyes as you fall apart. For me.” He starts picking up his pace, your tits bouncing with each thrust and your drawn out moans punctuated by his rhythm. You feel the heat flooding in your pussy and your cheeks, placing both hands on his shoulders to ground yourself,

“Nemi, Nemi,” you let out a wet sob “gonna cummmm” he lets out a depraved moan that pushes you over the edge he feels your pussy squeezing and squirting all over him. You scream as your toes curl and your legs tighten around his waist. He gasps and whimpers out

“Yesss…please, fuck, oh god…” he’s still humping himself into you, getting more and more desperate for his own release, the after shocks of your orgasm making your pussy squeeze the life out of him and he whimpers

“I’m ‘bout to cum…please…please…let me do it inside” he starts rubbing your clit faster, overstimulating you in hopes you’ll let him claim you like this. Your legs shake around him, hands still on his face as you nod “do it, baby, empty it as deep as you can. Want it so bad” he lets out the saddest, hottest broken sob as he empties himself balls deep in side of you. His whole body’s shaking and he’s moaning and whimpering as he grinds himself as deep as possible and fucks his cum deeper into you while he comes down from his high. He finally collapses, and you both are panting, sticky, and completely spent after you first time together. He brings his arms around your waist and rolls off of you, subsequently pulling your body on top of his instead, and moving one of his hands to your head to rub it gently. You’re both still catching your breath, as he finally speaks

“I…I’m bad with words.”

You lift your head off his chest to look at him, he’s looking at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact for now.

He continues “But…I’ve liked you. A long time. ’m sorry I didn’t say anything before,” he takes a hand off you momentarily to vaguely gesture to you, “,this. But I hope that you still…i don’t know…” he trails off, starting to feel embarrassed by the vulnerability and not comfortable enough with the feelings to express the properly.

“I like you too.”

He finally looks at you following your response, and he sits up a little, with him leaning back on one elbow to look at you and you leaning forward on your elbows to look at him.

“I know we both have our…rough spots but,” you continue and place one hand over his

“maybe we could work on them? Together?”

In a rare, soft moment with him he laces his fingers with yours and nods. You both smile sweetly at each other, in the beginnings of a puppy love together, and sit in silence for a bit

“Sorry I slapped you, by the way.”

He snorts and ruffles your hair, you giggle and try to swat his hand away.

“It’s whatever, you’re lucky it was hot.”

_______________________________________

The next day, as Obanai is bringing Mitsuri back, they’re walking down the hall to her room when your door opens up, and out emerges the two of you. Covered in fucking hickies with your hair a mess smiling like fools. Obanai immediately has to slap a hand over Mitsuri’s mouth as she starts to guffaw at the state of you two, Obanai at a loss words.

“I…can’t deal with this right now,” and he continues dragging a chortling Mitsuri back to her room so they can gossip about what the hell they just saw.

[lovelyiida]

THE RACE TO WEDDING BELLS ❤︎︎

PROLOGUE: BAKUGO’S MIDLIFE CRISIS

❥ SYNOPSIS: as the years went by... bakugo realized that he was the last to get married. the days grew cold and the nights turned lonely. bakugo wants to marry, but he doesn't really feel like falling in love. at least he has his trustee secretary!

implied fem reader, aged-up! Pro-hero MHA characters over the age of 27, vulgar language, suggestive wording, and content.

❥ CHAPTERS

❥ MASTERLIST

❥ JOIN TAG LIST!

WORDS: 0.9K

Katsuki Bakugo was widely regarded as the greatest hero of all time. He had it all: striking looks, immense strength, an unwavering attitude, and a fortune to rival that of a king. Despite his many accolades, Bakugo was plagued by one thing…

loneliness.

However, he never saw it as a problem. In fact, he cherished his solemn solitude more than anything else. It was his personal sanctuary, a place where he could find solace from the world. He would often come home to the sound of nothing but white noise and strip off his clothes, the sounds of absolutely nothing roaming through is head.

feeling the heavy weight of slumber seep into his being, stumbling towards his bedroom. The sensation of water trickling down his skin in the shower was the only sound he could hear, and he relished in it. As he collapsed onto his pillow, he was met with absolute silence. The stillness he had created was something he found comfort in, something he loved.

closing his eyes, he’s met with nothing.

Absolutely, nothin’

Bakugo absolutely, loved being alone.

That was until everyone had to shove it in his face…

“Dude, c’mon! It’s about that time in your life where you start to settle! Find a gal and have some rascals—create a bloodline and stuff!” Said his trustee friend, Kirishima.

Bakugo currently sat down within the four walls of Kirishima’s lovely home. Bakugo scowls as he looks around the place. Colorful toys litter every square foot of the house.

The lovely home bustling with energy and filled with vibrant toys scattered across every square foot. a total of not one, not two, but three lively kids running and jumping off the walls—their laughter echoing through the halls. Bakugo lets out a scowl as he surveyed the chaos around him.

As he looked over at his best friend Kirishima, Bakugo couldn't help but notice the evidence of his friend's exhaustion. His once-white t-shirt was now covered in marker blotches and food stains, and dark circles had formed under his eyes, a testament to his sleepless nights. Despite his fatigue, Kirishima's toothy grin shone bright, and Bakugo couldn't help but feel a sense of admiration for his friend's strength and resilience.

“You look like shit,” Bakugo rudely complements.

That once toothy grin curves down into a frown, “listen—believe it or not, children actually need to be taken care of and can’t be left alone for more than an hour, especially mines.” Kirishima directs his thumb behind him, directing to his children, which were currently drawing on the wall.

Bakugo rolls his eyes, “right—when are you gonna come back to the agency? Sick n’tired of doing all this shit on my own.”

“Dude, I’m awol for another…2 months?” He questions himself, “after me and the wife had kid three, I registered for maternity leave remember? Gotta help around, make memories, rest!” He laughs.

Oh, that laugh pissed him off.

“Rest? All you do is fuckin rest! Rest and fuck, and get your girl pregnant…unbelievable.” Bakugo sighs, crossing his arms tight against his chest.

“You wish you could rest and fuck like I could, it’s not my fault I’m irresistible~” Kirishima coos. This earns a dry chuckle from Bakugo.

“You know what is your fault? Not putting on a goddamn rubber,” He chuckled. This earns a laugh out of Kirishima.

“That I agree with, only downfall to having so many kids is never getting the time to go wild. Like, honeymoon phase wild.” Kirishima gives his friend an evil smile.

“Wha?” Bakugo say’s in confusion.

“The honeymoon phase, y’know? Can’t get your hands off each other—leads to the first child, usually the one that’s actually planned.” Kirishima says, taking a sip of his drink.

Kirishima quickly glances back at his wife, who's busy tending to one of their kids who just bumped their head on the couch. With a mischievous twinkle in his eye, Kirishima slowly lets out a deep sigh of contentment. His eyes gleaming with satisfaction, he spreads his legs wide in the comfortable chair, relishing in the soft cushioning that cradles his back.

“Dude, can’t even describe the things that woman has done to me back in those days. Easily busted six loads a week! But once that first child came around, I can barely get any, currently on a holidays-only-basis…” Kirishima says sorrowfully.

This makes Bakugo burst into laughter.

“That’s what your dumbass gets!” He cackles, holding onto his stomach for support.

“Dumbass!”

Both of the men’s eyes snap towards the voice, they watch as one of Kirishima’s kids runs over towards their father.

“Hey, language!” Kirishima says sternly. This only makes the kid laugh, holding their arms out, Kirishima picks their kid up and placed them on his lap.

“I get that you’re in your prime and stuff, but you’ve been in your prime for 8 years now. You’re 27, it’s okay to enter into a mid-life crisis and re-evaluate your life purpose.” Kirishima says unfazed, picking his child up and starts to make them bounce up and down, cooing at them sheepishly.

This takes Bakugo aback.

“Midlife crisis? Why the fuck would I be in midlife crisis, dumbass?–“

“Fuck!”

“Hey! Stop it!” Kirishima yells at his child again, which makes them laugh out once more. Holding his child, he stands up. Signaling that the conversation is over, and that Bakugo’s visit has come to an end.

in confusion…

“Get a life, get laid.”

GAHHHHH THANKS FOR 500 FOLLWERS!! FINALLY BACK FROM FINALS!!

Decided to celebrate with my first ever series on the account! Thank you all for the support!! If you’d like to be tagged in the next part fill out the tag list form on my page!

— 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐲𝐢𝐢𝐝𝐚 ❤︎︎

[sturniolo-rat]

Cake Eater’s Delight

Matt Sturniolo X Reader

A/N: here’s your anal fic as promised! I spent way too much time describing yoga positions. For this, I am extremely sorry.

Contains: smut, anal, oral, butt plugs

TW: BEARS! Also, the term "Butt Slut" You give me a simple request, and I will do the absolute most

Y/N is wearing yoga pants that accentuate her ass. Matt is intent on fucking it.

Today is self-care Sunday, and Y/N just finished making a strawberry banana smoothie with extra protein powder for her boyfriend, Matt. It’s seven a.m., and she has the whole day planned, but first, she has to get him up and ready.

“Wakey wakey, My sweet boy.” she chirps eagerly, holding the smoothie to his face. 

“Oh god.” he groans, wipes the sleep from his eyes, and sees how hyped Y/N is. Still very disoriented, he says, “I see you’re having a good morning, Baby, but what time is it?” 

“It’s seven a.m. and I’m super excited for our early morning nature walk!”  

He sits up and sighs. “The fuckin’ nature walk.” Matt was actually pretty enthusiastic about this last night when he agreed to it, but not so much this morning. It’s too early, and he just wants Y/N to come back and be the big spoon for the next two hours. The smoothie, however, is immaculate, and he made her a promise. He summons all of his strength and swings his legs over the side of the bed. He sits facing Y/N and says with a smile, “I’ve never been more pumped for anything in my life!” Y/N gives him a bone-crushing hug before skipping off to get him the outfit she picked for him yesterday. Matt can’t help but stare at her booty as she makes her way to the closet. Those damn yoga pants get him every time.  

Half an hour later, they arrive at the closest California state park. Matt is warming up to the idea of this walk. He really does love nature, and having a little stroll in it is certainly something he would do as self-care. “Maybe we’ll see a bear!” Y/N squeals. 

“I love bears. They're so fucking big and dumb.” He really does hope they see a bear. His excitement over seeing a dangerous animal in the wild isn’t his fault. He has a very serious condition called white man curiosity. Bless him and his family. 

As they walk the dirt trail, Matt tells her facts about all the animals and plants they encounter. At some point, the trail leads them to a very colorful part of the woods filled with flowers. The trail has slowly been getting narrower, so Matt is now walking behind Y/N. “Baby, If I sincerely told you that I accidentally body-swapped with my sister, would you believe me?”

He’s deeply confused by the question, but he has an answer for it, regardless. “I would probably ask you a question that only you could answer first.” he pauses to laugh at how silly she is. “Would you believe me?”

“Most definitely,” she responds with unnatural quickness.

Matt is taken aback. “Why so certain?”

“Well, now that we’ve had the conversation, I don’t think you’d say you were body-swapped unless it actually happened.”

He’s getting very invested in the conversation now. “I’m not worried about it because you only really get body-swapped with people you dislike. So I don’t think there’s any danger of this happening to me and my brothers.”

“I don’t hate my sister, but we are polar opposites, so I see body-swap potential.”

“Be careful not to get sucked into any body-swapping hijinks, My love.”

“I’ll try, but no promises.”

Suddenly, he grabs her arm and stops her in her tracks. Y/N turns around to look at him, but all she sees is a beautiful array of flowers. Matt had been behind her, picking a bouquet of flowers as they talked. He moves the flowers from in front of his face and hands them to Y/N. “It’s a thank-you gift. I truly am having an amazing time today.”

“This is insanely fucking sweet. Thank you so much, Baby.” She leans in to give him a soft peck on the cheek. “I think we should start heading back though. We’re getting kinda far out.” They had gotten lost in each other's company and didn’t notice that they had been walking for an hour and covered at least 2 miles of the 5-mile trail.

Matt tears his gaze from Y/N’s face to take in their environment. “Goddamn, we’re like way out in the fuckin wild!” He can tell Y/N is getting somewhat uncomfortable with the thought of being so deep in the woods, so he holds out his hand for her to take and starts to walk her back down the trail. 

Y/N lets go of his hand and taps him furiously on the shoulder. “Matt. Matt, it actually fucking happened. Look!” she whispers in his ear and points into the distance. 

“A bear!” Matt yells.

“Hush!” she hits him hard on the head. “Don’t be the idiot who gets killed because he screamed at a bear. Just get the camera out.”

He fumbles with his backpack but realizes he didn’t pack it. He was so sure they wouldn’t come across a bear. The pictures and videos he takes on his phone will have to do for their next vlog. Once Matt has all the bear material he needs, they continue down the dirt path, tip-toeing very quietly.

When they finally reach their car, they’re exhausted, sweaty, and gross. Matt, however, is also rocking a semi. He’s been walking behind Y/N for hours now, watching how her ass moves. They’ve just started experimenting with butt stuff recently. He’s been obsessed with her backside ever since. He can't get the image of the pink hello kitty butt plug sticking out of her ass out of his mind. The drive home is pleasant and gives him time to calm down. Matt doesn’t want his horniness to get in the way of the day Y/N has planned. 

They arrive home, and Y/N flops on their bed. The walk was way longer than it was supposed to be. She’s anxious to tell Matt about the next activity she has planned, but she needs a quick break to hydrate. Matt comes in clutch and brings her the Stanley cup she filled up that morning but forgot to bring. She sits up and takes the cup. “Thank,” she says as she takes a sip. “God!”

“Don’t thank God. Thank me, Honey.” he winks as she absolutely chugs her water. There’s water dripping from the sides of her mouth running down her neck and breasts. Fuck she can even make drinking like a feral caveman look sexy. When she finishes, she sets the cup down, and Matt’s dick jumps in his pants. She looks like she could be in a wet t-shirt contest. He’s really fighting for his life right now and needs an activity to distract himself. “Alright! Get up, Baby. It’s time for whatever’s next on the list.” He hopes it's something lame and calming like meditation or maybe some silly facial skin routine.

“Okay, I’ll go get the yoga mats and bring them to the living room.” She hops up from the bed, fully recharged and energetic as ever. “Oh, yay. I’m gonna bring my new yoga ball, too!”

“Oh, good!” he says quite insincerely. He should have seen this coming. She’s wearing the yoga pants she reserves for actually doing yoga. This is going to be torture. He tucks his boner into his waistband and waits for Y/N in the other room.      

When meets him there, she kicks her yoga ball into the corner and gives Matt a big hug before setting up their pink and blue yoga mats. She’s so happy to be spending the day relaxing and playing around with him. Her ponytail whips around behind her as she spins to face Matt. “Did you know it’s actually recommended that you do yoga or stretch after long walks? The walk wasn’t meant to be long, but how lucky it is that my plan works out.” She’s speaking extremely quickly due to her excitement.  She pauses for a breath but begins talking again before Matt can respond. “Are you ready?” she asks expectantly.

“Of course, My love. Your plan is perfect.” 

They stand on their respective mats, and Y/N realizes that Matt has probably never done yoga in his life. “Let me show you five poses you need to know before we start.” He takes a deep breath and prepares for a face full of outstretched booty, but to his surprise, she sits down crisscrossed. “We’re gonna start off with the Sukhasana. Just sit down, touch your pointer fingers to your thumbs, and close your eyes.” 

“Seems easy enough,” He says and patiently watches as she changes pose. 

“Then we’re gonna transition into the Adho Mukha Svanasana. Just get on your hands and knees,” she demonstrates as she talks. “Place your hands down in front of you, shoulder-width apart. Then walk your legs back so your hands are under your shoulders, and your knees are under your hips.”

“That’s a lot of words to explain what I believe is the very simple-looking downward-facing dog.” Yup. This is exactly what he expected. It’s awful and stressful, but it’s also absolutely fucking glorious. Her booty is a piece of art crafted specifically for him by the hands of God. He tears his eyes away and looks at her face as she once again, changes her pose. 

“Oh, shut up. I’m trying to sound like a yoga professional,” she says with a small chuckle. “Anyway, the next pose is the pigeon pose.”

“Yeah, super fancy and professional.” He smirks, and she rolls her eyes.

“Moving on!” she says, letting out an exasperated breath, “From the Adho Mukha Svanasana position, you’re gonna lift your left leg up while keeping your other leg straight and your foot arched.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Matt whispers loudly. The pose essentially looks like she’s throwing it back on the floor. Her bottom is round and cute, and all he wants to do is reach out and squeeze it. That’s a lie, actually. He wants to smack it. Hard, very fucking hard. He wants to grope her fat, meaty thighs and worship her body. She’s talking, but he can’t hear her. He’s in a trance, and he needs to do something about it. “I’m sorry, Sweetness. I really am, but I can’t keep it to myself anymore.”

Y/N gets up and looks at his face, very concerned. “What’s wrong, Baby?”

He still hasn’t looked up at her face. “It’s your ass.” He licks his lips. “I have to fuck it.”

Y/N moves so that she’s directly in front of him and grabs him by his jaw to make him look at her. She whispers in his ear, “I know.” Matt has been lusting after her all day. There was no possibility that she wouldn’t notice. "Time to destroy my root chakra."

“Fuck yes!” He pulls her into a rough, toothy kiss. His lips are soft, almost silken, and pillowy against hers. His hand reaches up to massage her breast, and she moans into his mouth. She needs him. Needs to see more of him. Y/N tugs at the hem of his shirt. Matt takes the hint, breaks the kiss, and removes it. She puts her hands on his chest and rubs them down his abdomen. He’s so beautiful. 

In one swift motion, he wipes her hands away. She whimpers and gives him a pathetic, needy look. “I know you want to touch me, Baby. I know.” He says as he makes his way over to get the yoga ball. “But right now, I need you to bend over this ball and show me that pretty, pretty ass of yours.” 

Y/N does as she’s told. She loves it when Matt bosses her around. He pulls at her pants aggressively, and she doesn’t understand what he’s trying to do. Then she hears a tearing sound and feels the cold air on her bare bottom. “You just ripped my favorite yoga pants!”

“Quiet!” He barks. “I’ll get you new ones.” He says as he forces her panties down around her knees. His hands part her cheeks, and he can’t believe what he sees. He has been lusting after this woman all fucking day, thinking he was being a pervert. Little did he know that Y/N had her butt plug in the whole time. He takes a closer look. It’s not her favorite Hello Kitty one, but the one with the blue jewel on the end. Matt’s eyes widened; it’s their second biggest one. Y/N anticipated this, and she always comes prepared. 

He kneads both of her cheeks as he asks, “Oh, Sweet girl, did you plan this? Was this part of your little self-care day? Did you need to be a little butt slut for me to feel complete?”

“I do.” She whines. “Last night, I got so horny thinking about you playing with my ass.”

“I can tell, Sweetheart. You used the big blue one. We’ve never even touched that one before. Were you training your ass for me?” He sits on his knees behind her so his face is level with her rear. Matt takes his time biting and kissing her ass. She lets out a hiss when he starts to play with the plug, pulling it out only to put it back in again. Every little movement has her gasping. He keeps going until she’s too loose for the stretch. He slaps her on the ass with so much force he leaves a handprint, and she lets out a wail. 

“I know we haven’t done it before, but do you want to take my cock?” he asks.

“I want to try,” she says in a shaky voice.

“Are you sure?”

“I am. I swear.”

“I promise I’ll be gentle, but first,” He shoves his pants and boxers down and takes his cock in his hand as he walks around to Y/N’s front. “I need you to lube up my cock. Can you do that for me, Baby?”

“Mhmm, I can.” She replies eagerly and opens wide. 

Her mouth is wet and warm around his cock. He holds her hands behind her back so she has to deep-throat him to reach his base. The dirty, sloppy sounds coming from his thrusts in and out of her throat are music to his ears. He needs to hear more. He grabs her by the ponytail and fucks her face harder. He wants to hear her choke and gag. She doesn’t mind it. She’s just happy to be of service. Her mouth is so fucking perfect, but he needs to stop before he cums. He pulls out, and she gasps for air. “You okay? Catch your breath, Baby.” He gives Y/N time to orient herself. 

“I’m okay.” She gives him a big smile. Only sluts smile like that after choking on cock.

“If you want me to stop at any point, just tell me, and I'll stop.”

Y/N nods her head, and Matt takes his spot behind her. He pulls the butt plug out very carefully and sets it aside. Her pussy is so wet and leaking, but he ignores it entirely, except to say, “You’re dripping down your thighs, My love.” he smiles to himself as he taps his cock on her ass. “You’re soaking your new exercise ball,” he says as he slowly pushes his tip in. When he finally pushes in past his tip, it burns and hurts, but she loves the sensation. She keeps thinking that it can’t get any longer, but it just keeps going, and the stretch burns until, eventually, he gives her all of him. Her asshole clenches hard, and it feels so fucking amazing, but then it’s burning and hurting right at the entrance, and she whimpers as he pulls himself out halfway. He’s going so slow, and he wants to speed up so badly. Her asshole feels so much better than he imagined it would. He knew she would be tight, but he didn’t know how deep she could take him. She can’t fit him all the way in when he fucks her pussy. It feels so nice to be able to give her everything he’s got. 

“You can go faster now.”

“Oh, yes.” he bites his lip and speeds up to a respectable pace. 

“No, faster. I need it faster,” she says desperately. He picks up the pace, and finally, he starts to feel like he’s properly fucking her. She’s moaning and whining because it feels so bad and so good at the same time. It’s a very confusing sensation, but all she knows is she wants to cum so badly. Usually, Matt likes to make Y/N cum first, but he doesn’t know if anal will make her cum, and he just can’t resist cumming in her ass. He stands her up so she’s up against his chest and reaches in front of her to rub her clit. This is what she needs, what she’s been missing. He loves the sounds she’s making. He doesn’t even notice he’s been drilling into her faster and faster. Y/N is letting out loud yelps with every thrust. If anyone overheard them, they would think she was in agony. 

“I’m gonna cum, Baby. I want you to try to cum with me. Can you do that?” he says, breathing heavily.

“I can try.”

“What do you need, Love? How can I help you cum?” 

“Please pull my hair.” His hands are around her ponytail before she can even get all the words out. He pulls so hard she’s forced to look up at the ceiling. 

“Like that?”

Her eyes are rolling to the back of her head. “Fuck, yes! Just like that! I’m gonna cum!” 

Matt puts more pressure on her clit and feels her cumming. It feels different from when he’s in her pussy. The thought of having had every one of her holes pushes him to the edge, and he releases himself into her asshole. 

Y/N’s knees buckle, and she collapses onto the exercise ball and pants. He wants to ask her if she’s alright, but he’s distracted watching his cum leak out of her ass. “Fuck,” he leans over to pick he up bridal style. “Let's get you into a bath, okay?”

“You’re not gonna believe this, but that’s actually next on the list.”

“Perfectly planned, My love.”

Masterlist

@rafecameronsbitch @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @mrsmiagreer @lovergirl4387 @gdsvhtwa @ashley9282828 @j-worlds-blog @stephanienwf @achrisgirly @draculaura123 @abbypost @Cind2224 @crazychrisl0v3r @ryli3sworld @bkwrld @pinkishpearls @pepsienthusiasts @stunza @chrattstromboli @sturnssmuts @angelic-sturniolos111 @69isabella69 @maryx2xx @sturniolo04 @bigbeefybitch @klaus223492 @r93339 @sturnzsblog @spotconlon55 @robins-scoop @junovrsmp4 @sturnlover4eva @blahbel668 @lilahnowheretobefound @luxy-nyx @tuffsturns @m0r94n @sturnstvs @pepsicolapussy333 @maddyslifesstuff @dogblof @honeymoonxxz @xplr-sturns-e-m @hayhjelmstad15 @thetriplets3 @y0urm4m @mattyblover07

[kdogreads]

Richie Jerimovich NSFW Alphabet

Co-written with the incredible @foreveraimingtowardsthesky

Thank you so much for collabing on this, my friend! It’s been a longtime coming but here we are 🤪😍

Enjoy this look into our wildest delulu fantasies with our bb Richie. This was a 50/50 project and still took us forever so please APPRECIATE IT 😂❤️

A — Aftercare

There is nothing Richie loves more than smoking a cigarette with you in his arms after he blows your mind. He’s trained to read people and you are no exception. He’ll help you clean up then he’ll cuddle you, or kiss you silly, or light you a joint, or brush your hair for you. Whatever you need this time, he’s on it.

B – Body part (favourite of yours and theirs)

Richie likes - no loves - your mouth. The way your lips close around a cigarette plucked from his hand, the wet heat of it when his fingers press against your tongue, how you open up so readily for him when you’re on your knees, the sharp indent of your teeth in your lower lip when you’re trying to be quiet.. Yeah, he could lose hours dreaming of your mouth, thinking of new ways he can make it his. Spit in it. Gag it. Have you clean him up with your tongue..

C — Cum

Richie can be nasty. He wants to cum on your face, your chest, your ass, literally anywhere he can. It’s his way to mark you as his without leaving hickies or anything, ever the practical thinker. His favorite by far, though, if you’ll let him, is to cum inside you. Chef’s kiss.

D – Dirty secret

Richie has fucked, or tried to fuck, too many short-lived staff at The Beef to mention. But that’s no secret. In fact, there’s really only one thing he hopes never gets out. Luckily for him, she feels the same way. Chalk it up to the effects of grief and alcohol, explain it away however you like, but if word got round? I don’t think her little brother would ever get over it.

E — Experience

Honestly, Richie doesn’t have a ton of experience with different partners, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t treat you R I G H T. He’s only had a couple relationships besides you and Tiff and maybe he brought home a girl from the bar once or twice before you. This man is a very, very fast learner, though. It doesn’t take him long to learn every little thing that drives you wild and he’s more than willing to experiment with what you like (always with permission first).

F – Favourite position

Richie wants to see. He wants to see his cock sinking into you. He wants to see your face when you come. He wants to see the rise and fall of your chest and he wants to see his hands on your body. Richie also wants to bend you over and fuck you from behind. He likes how it makes you whine when he pulls your hips back as he fucks into you.

So he fucks you on your knees in front of the mirror on his bedroom wall, drags his fingers through your gathered slick and rubs the mess across your tight little asshole, his thumb circling and circling and circling before pushing inside. Like this he can watch as he fills you up, and see your fucked-out face as you fall apart.

G — Goofy

Our Richie is a big goofball in every aspect of his life and sex is no exception. He loves being able to laugh with you and tease you while he’s inside you or eating you out. One day he gets it in is mind that you have to call him Mr. Jerimovich as like a demeaning/authoritative thing, but when you actually call him that, he cracks up laughing. Cannot keep a straight face for the life of him. “It sounds like you’re talkin’ to my fuckin’ granddad. Too fuckin’ weird for me, baby, m’sorry.”

If he’s had a rough day, though, and needs to take it out on you, it’s all serious. No jokes, no laughing, no teasing. He just takes when he needs from you — and of course makes sure you have a good time, too.

H – Hair

How well groomed is Richie? Richie is a low-maintenance, one-bottle-in-the-shower guy. He keeps his hair and his beard short, that’s his look. Once upon a time, he got clippers and a beard trimmer for Christmas, so he does this himself, and every so often the rest of him will get the trimmer treatment. He’s not super hairy but he likes how his dick looks bigger after. He’s only human, after all.

He’s clean, but not meticulous. He doesn’t mind things getting a bit.. dirty. And if you’re honest with yourself, you sometimes like him best at the end of a long day. A little sweaty, a little rough around the edges, his skin tasting like salt and cigarette smoke.

I — Intimacy

Richie the cuddle master, am I right? He loves physical affection and just being close to you. If you’re having a slow, sweet love session, he’ll hold your face and tell you the stickiest sweet things you’ve ever heard in your life. “You were made for me, baby. I was made f’you” and “You’re so beautiful, sometimes I can’t believe you’re mine” and “I love you so much my heart fuckin’ hurts.” Loves eye contact, loves holding your hands, loves loving you basically.

Talks you through it. Big time. He’s in his daddy era and he’s desperate for his baby to cum. 🥵

J – Jerk off

In a word. Yes. In the shower most mornings. It’s a Pavlovian response now. Routine. The hot shower spray. The steam. His hand wrapped round his cock.

But he’s seen the way your breath catches. When he’s knelt between your spread legs. When he drags it out just a little longer, his fist working over his cock as though he prefers it to your pretty pussy. How your eyes follow the movement of his hand as he makes you wait, how your tongue darts out against the softness of your lips..

Until finally - - You like watchin, huh? Your face had heated under his scrutiny, but you couldn’t deny it. And since then? Pictures. Videos. Whenever you’re apart for while and sometimes even when you’re not. His hand sliding over his hard dick, slow at first, then faster. You can hear his breathing, all the bitten off sounds he makes - - fuck. Sometimes it’s a piece of your underwear that he’s ruined, the sheets, his shirt. Sometimes come splashes hot against his tense belly. It’s insanely hot. It makes you ache for him. And he knows it.

K — Kinks

This man will shock you with just how freaky he can get. Choking, gun play, knife play, slapping, daddy/sir, tying you up/getting tied up, he’s into it all. Something you’ve always wanted to try? He’s down. It doesn’t always have to be super kinky stuff, though. Sometimes he’s in the mood to make love to you and, when he is, he’s the stickiest sweet lover you’ve ever had.

Once he discovers the the free use concept, it’s his favorite. “Don’t let me stop ya, baby. You keep workin’ on that,” while he proceeds to fuck you into a different universe. 🥵

L – Location

Anywhere. At the restaurant when everyone else has gone home (that reservations desk is his in more ways than anyone else knows). In his car, where there’s just enough room for you to straddle his lap in the driver’s seat. Up against the wall in some dark corner when he just can’t wait. On the couch, forgotten movie in the background. The kitchen counter in the middle of a lazy weekend breakfast. In the shower, the pretty noises you make bouncing off the tiles. In your bed. In his bed.

That’s probably his favourite. His bed. When you’re waiting for him at the end of a long day in his bed. Wearing his shirt. Your perfume on his pillows.

M — Motivation

YOU. Richie is such a romantic at heart and, if you’re his, he wants nothing more than to make you happy any way he can. He loves to hear you whine and moan for him or squirm under his touch. Part of him selfishly loves knowing he can make you feel better than anyone else ever has. He loves making you forget all your worries with his fingers or his mouth or his cock. He gets off just by knowing how satisfied he can make you.

N – No

It’s a short list, but anything you’re not into is at the top of it. You can also add to that anything too elaborate. Role play’s fine just nothing too fuckin weird alright.And he doesn’t need a red room of sex shit, doesn’t need whips and chains when his tie looks so pretty around your wrists, when his belt drags so nicely against your skin.

O — Oral

You mean Richie “could eat pussy for three meals a day” Jerimovich?? He LOVES oral. As much as he loves feeling your lips wrapped around him, he loves feeling you squirm under his tongue even more. He’ll have you pinned down with his arms begging him for a break at any chance he gets. Giving is his favorite, but he loves receiving, too.

He loves when you give him road head. Loves it. Only when it's late at night and you're alone on the back roads, though. He knows just what you're thinking when you reach a hand over coyly and scratch your nails along his thigh. A silly grin spreads across his face and he gives you a subtle nod to encourage you. By the end he's usually pulled over somewhere with both hands in your hair and a plan in place for when you get home...

P – Pace

He can go slow. If that’s what you need. He likes how he can feel everything when he takes his time, but it wears away at his self control and he didn’t have much to begin with. You like to ride him, achingly slowly, stretching his restraint as far as it’ll go before it snaps, before he grips your hips and fucks up into you, or until he flips you over and fucks you through the bed.

Q — Quickie

Are you kidding me? Richie loves quickies. Possibly his favorite thing in the world. Just finished dinner service? He’ll fuck you in the alleyway. Popped in to say hi while you’re running errands? He’ll bend you over Carmy’s desk. Even just going about your day at home he’ll come up behind you in the kitchen and pull you up onto the counter. Any chance he has to get you off he’ll take.

R – Risk

Is Richie a risk taker? Yeah. He gets a kick out of the possibility that the two of you might get caught. Actually no, he gets a kick out of you getting so fucking greedy and needy for him that you’ll let him touch you, let him fuck you, where anyone might see. His hand between your legs under the restaurant table, his mouth on your breasts in the cool evening air, your back against the wall and legs round his waist, your body pressed to the high rise window of the nicest hotel room he could afford. It fuels his possessiveness. You’re his and he wants everyone to know it.

S — Stamina

Richie isn’t as young as he used to be, but he uses what energy he has wisely. In his younger days he could go at it for hours, but nowadays his poor achey back can’t take more than one, maybe two rounds. He gets you off more times than you can count before he even thinks about fucking you, so don’t let his old age scare you.

Just because his body gets tired faster doesn't mean his sex drive has gone down, though, so don't you worry about that.

T – Toys

The first time Richie caught you with your favourite toy, he’d watched from the doorway with a dangerous mix of jealousy and want. You’d pulled the toy from your body when you saw him, but he’d shook his head and something in the look in his eyes made your mouth go dry and your stuttered explanation die in your throat. – - Don’t stop. He’d climbed onto the bed, sat back against the headboard and pulled you to his chest between his spread legs. - - keep going.. s’it feel good? .. feel better than me, huh? - - you’d said no, but he’d slapped your hand from the toy anyway, taking it from you and mimicking the movements he’d watched earlier, but harder, faster, more him. And he’d liked the way you’d surrendered control so easily, the way your head fell back against his shoulder, how your fingers twisted into the fabric of his sweats. And it occurred to him that he could keep this up for hours..

U — Unfair

Richie is a little shit… of course he loves teasing you. He’ll send you dirty texts all day while you’re at work and get you all hot and bothered. Then he’ll edge you for what feels like hours if he feels like it. He always leaves you satisfied after his fun, though, he is a gentleman after all.

When he first discovered what his "harmless" teasing does to you... Oh man. It's like he can't stop now. He'll pull you into the office at work just to whisper dirty things in your ear.

"You look real pretty tonight baby," He leans in to kiss your neck, hands wandering all over your body, "Fuuuck, you want daddy to take care of you, hm? Touch you? Make you scream so everybody knows who you belong to, yeah?" Swoon.

V – Volume

Richie has the dirtiest mouth in all of Chicago. He remembers the first time he’d called you his good fuckin girl. He remembers because you came hard and tight and wet before the words had barely left his mouth. Now he won’t fucking shut up. And you love it like that. But the best thing? There’s this noise he makes when he’s close to losing it. A filthy low groan as everything begins to unravel. It might be the hottest thing you’ve ever heard.

W — Wildcard

Richie definitely has a thing for public sex. The thrill of potentially getting caught, having to show off his pretty baby to whoever catches you… He can’t help it if he wants to show you off and make it clear just who belong to.

X – x-ray

What’s going on in those tighty whiteys? He’s not gotten any complaints. Well, no, that’s not quite right. He’s gotten loads of complaints. Just not about his dick. If he was the type of guy to be heading down the gym (although lets face it, he isn’t ) he wouldn’t need to be shy in the locker room, if you catch my meaning. Alright, alright.. it’s big. You happy now?

Y — Yearning

He may be in his 40s but his sex drive is stronger than ever. He always wants you. Richie is just insatiable sometimes. It’s like he can’t believe you are his to take care of and please whenever he wants to and he does.

Z – zzzz

He’s not even stayed awake long enough for you to read the end of this. Sorry. But let’s be fair, he’s a hard working guy and he’s had his fair share of sleepless nights. So you can’t begrudge the fact that he sleeps like an angel (an angel splayed across 75% of the bed, but still..) once you’ve both had your fill. Now roll him over before he starts snoring.

[ranfordgallus]

Hi, are you still doing your ask the Vratt Brothers if so, what's the worst that could happen to them in terms of glitching? Love your stuff BTW

Hmmm....lets see, theres a few things that could happen to them when glitching/malfunctioning

First, theres a thing called "overheating" where khriz's stomach would malfunction and spew the acid in his stomach to his mouth which can be dangerous BECAUSE, in the previous posts about his stomach function his stomach acid is so strong that it could melt anything, so if it where to spew from his mouth, his body would break down from his acid making him incapable to operate... however this happened once when hes still getting used to his body so it hasnt happend for years...not saying its impossible

Second, khriz has a chip on the back of his head that helps him operate obviously, but the thing is that the chip is a bit weak so it can get hacked, not easily but its possible since the chip doesnt have the capability to protect itself from hacking, this happend when one of avivas micro-fly thing (which i forgot what its called but i think it was shown in the creature power suit race episode where zach uses his mini zachbots to fuck up the power suits) went through khriz's back and breaking his chip and thus hacking him to not able to move or speak , this happend twice in diff years ago

Third, marvtins second chip helps regulate his aggresive and strength levels, and when its damaged the second chip cannot regulate his aggressiveness thus making him fuckin feral and wild....LMAO, though this malfunction is kind of intentional because the second chip is close to the first chip which helps him....like i said in previous posts helps him operate, so if the first chip gets damage it can be severe and takes alot of time for it to fix so the damaged second chip is kind of like a way to defend itself from actually damaging the first chip, this happend once during a fight and marvtin gets his nape impaled by one of martins porcupine quills, did the kratt brothers survive?......almost, he almost mauled their ass bruh!!!!!

And the last, theres a malfunction thats so severe that the only way to fix it is to reset them, basically shutting their memory down and forget they ever existed, this is due to a malfunction to the first chip being so broken it cannot be fix and it has to be replaced with a new chip, losing all memory storage from the old chip

So yeah most serious malfunctions are all because of the damage of the chip, its like getting impaled by your brain

[pfhwrittes]

the aftermath.

rating: mature audiences.

pairing: john "soap" mactavish x simon "ghost" riley.

word count: 1.8k

notable tags / warnings: transgender john "soap" mactavish, fluff, humour, very light angst, references to offscreen sex, egregious use of scots, banter, swearing.

A/N: i wrote this instead of sleeping, it was meant to be the set up for another part of my trans!soap drabbles but it took a wild left turn into feelsville and so no actual smut occurs in this fic. however, it is funny and fluffy (in my opinion). as always this can be considered to be very lightly edited so typos and weird grammatical goofs are likely to remain so for that i apologise.

–––

unsurprisingly, it’s kyle that catches on and confronts him the following afternoon as johnny pushes some truly god awful looking peas around his tray in the mess. 

“so, who’d you fuck last night then mate?” 

kyle plunks himself into the seat opposite johnny, dropping his tray with a clatter. the shepherd’s pie on his tray sags slightly and johnny feels a disarming bolt of empathy for the oozing mince and potato blob. sue him, he’s still feeling a little tender in places, alright? not that he’ll be admitting that to garrick of all people. 

“dunno what you’re oan about pal.” johnny sniffs and pokes a particularly dehydrated pea with his fork. there we go, nice and breezy. no need to give the game away son. 

kyle scoffs and aims a kick at johnny’s shin under the table. 

“oi! ya fuckin’ roaster, the fuck wis that for!” 

“i know you fucked someone last night. price was complaining about the stink in his office this morning.” kyle points his fork at johnny’s chest accusingly.

well, shit. johnny knew he should’ve got simon to crack the window before he got fucked seven ways from sunday. again, not that garrick needed to know that particular practical tid-bit of organising a secret rendez-vouz with your superior officer. 

johnny clears his throat nonchalantly and picks the spot over kyle’s left ear to address. 

“who’s to say it wasnae the captain gettin’ some last night?” 

the look kyle directs at johnny could probably be used to store clean cut finnish ice directly from fucking lapland with how freezing it is. 

“because he was with me, you tosspot.” 

johnny can’t help the way his face slips from carefully blank neutrality into something a wee bit more salacious. 

“oh aye, is that right?” johnny abandons looking at kyle’s ear to shoot him the dirtiest smirk he can muster. 

“fuck off mactavish.” kyle scowls, “you know what i meant. he was watching the bloody footie with me.”

“is that what you kids are callin’ it these days, eh?” johnny waggles his eyebrows knowingly just to watch kyle glare even harder as he leans forwards to stab johnny in the chest with his fork. 

“hey! mind the nipples, they’re fuckin’ custom! i spent money on these things!” johnny pouts and rubs gingerly at his top, pulling a face as he smears mashed potato into the fabric. gross garrick. 

“shut up, you got ‘em on the NHS like everyone else, you dickhead.” kyle shoots back.

what was sure to be a brilliantly witty retort gets silenced as price appears from nowhere, glowering down at his two sergeants like he’s just found two of his wayward puppies rolling in something long dead and incredibly pungent. 

“mactavish. a word.” 

johnny gulps and shoots kyle a betrayed look as soon as price’s back is turned. 

“oh sorry mate. must’ve slipped my mind. captain’s looking for you.” kyle grins, looking for all the world like butter wouldn’t melt in that clever wee mouth of his. 

bastard. 

––

johnny does not fidget. not even once. he’s cool, he’s calm, he’s co-

“it was reported that you were seen leaving this office - my office - at 0300 hours this morning, sergeant.” price rumbles from behind the - his - desk. 

-mpletely and utterly fucked. 

and not in the way he was only twelve hours previous. in this very room. over that very same desk. steamin’ jesus. 

johnny pointedly does not meet price’s gaze, instead he continues staring at the cinderblock behind his captain’s shoulder like it contains the secrets of the universe. or perhaps a false brick that when nudged just right would open a portal to hell under his feet. 

the chair under price’s bulk creaks as he settles back, watching for any sign of guilt or admission. the cigar propped on the edge of the cut glass ashtray sends a smoky tendril into the air as it drifts lazily to the window that johnny can see is cracked open a fraction in his peripheral vision. 

“nothing to say, sergeant?” price’s voice is deceptively soft and a shudder runs up johnny’s spine unbidden. fuuuuuuck. the way he sees it, he’s either fucked once if he admits to being somewhere he very much shouldn’t have been with company he definitely shouldn’t have been fraternising with, or fucked twice if he tries to deny it without knowing all the facts. he is, as the big bastard himself would say, in a spot tighter than a nun’s cunt. 

johnny swallows drily, preparing to take possibly the stupidest risk of his career and possibly his life so far, when a solid knock on the closed door saves him. thank christ. his heart soars - 

“enter.” price commands. 

almost immediately the hulking figure and current cause of johnny’s predicament steps through the door near silently to stand shoulder to shoulder with johnny. just a hair too close to be considered professional.

“lieutenant riley, good of you to join us.” 

- and promptly falls out his arse. 

good to know that there was a third and far worse option available to him. 

––

centuries or possibly even aeons later, a knock rouses johnny from the light doze he’d slipped into immediately after clambering into the tiny twin bed provided in his room. sent away from price’s office in disgrace, the sounds of his shouting still ringing in his ears. but even worse, the way that simon - ghost - simon had refused to even look at johnny before he turned on his heel and stalked down the corridor. away from him.

“nngh.” johnny grunts intelligently and swipes a slightly tacky palm over his face before letting it drop to brush against the worn carpet tiles. fuck getting up to let price in here to yell at him some more, or to deal with gaz’s kicked puppy look. he’ll stay exactly where he is ta very much, despite the way a spring in the lumpy mattress is poking into his right kidney something fierce. and the fact that now he’s awake he could do with a drink to rinse away the gummy feeling in his mouth. eurgh. 

the knock sounds again. 

“fer fucks sake, come in then ya -” johnny calls out grumpily, lifting his head from the pillow and his eyes flying open so he can glare at the door from his supine position.

and once again, simon “here to make shit worse for him specifically” riley steps through the door.

“- prick.” johnny finishes weakly. oh. well this is awkward. 

simon hums quietly in agreement and quietly shuts the door with his foot. johnny blinks, not entirely sure if he’s agreeing with being called a prick or if the situation is awkward. 

“bit o’ both really.” simon rumbles. ah, right yeah. johnny’s always had a habit of saying the first few thoughts that pop into his head immediately after being woken up. always makes one night stands a bit awkward in the mornings. 

“hm. is that the reason you’ve never let me stay the night then?” simon asks as he drops heavily into the tactically acquired chair in the corner of the room paying no mind to the fact he’s sitting on johnny’s freshly laundered skivvies. 

“somethin’ like that, aye.” johnny swallows awkwardly, christ he needs a drink of water, “that an’ i thought we’d get -” 

“caught.” simon finishes tiredly. 

johnny huffs out a sound that if he was being charitable could be considered a laugh under the right circumstances. this isn’t the right circumstances. obviously.  

“aye. yeah. that an’ all.” 

a silence stretches between the two of them then. it’s uncomfortable to say the least, aching in a similar way to johnny’s neck as he continues to peer at simon, who is sagging like a half-empty rucksack. johnny lets his head drop back onto the flat pillow underneath him so he can gaze sightlessly up at the water stained ceiling tile. what a fuckin’ mess. 

“‘m sorry.” 

it’s said so quietly johnny could half believe he imagined it. 

“‘s not yer fault, don’t worry about it.” johnny says flatly to the water mark on the ceiling. he closes one eye and squints, hm. looks a bit like a pair of knickers like that. johnny hears simon take a steadying breath from across the space. oh. johnny opens both eyes and lifts his head, his expression carefully blank. 

simon is hunched over now, his elbows resting on his thick thighs and he’s staring fixedly at the carpet just in front of his boots, purposefully avoiding johnny’s eyes. 

“simon?” it’s a gentle nudge but johnny watches as simon’s broad shoulders tense up, his biceps flexing as he fidgets with his clasped hands. oh. that’s more of an admission of guilt or responsibility than anything simon could say. johnny knows this man, inside and out at this point. he’s economical with movement in a way that can only ever be learned through being completely aware of your size and surroundings. never a fidgeter. always still. always controlled. 

“‘m sorry.” simon repeats quietly, allowing his head to hang down and exposing the soft nape of his neck where his balaclava gapes away from his shirt. in better circumstances johnny would get up and chance a kiss on his exposed skin just to hear him make a soft pleased noise that always reminds johnny of a cat purring out a raspy mrrr of contentment.

“did ye go to price an’ tell him then?” johnny asks levelly despite the way his heart has suddenly decided to reside in his large intestine again for the second time today.

simon’s head jerks up and he frowns. 

“no - i - no.” simon states firmly and johnny takes a shuddering breath. good. 

“good.” he says out loud. “i didnae think ye would.” johnny tacks on just to watch some of the tension in simon’s shoulders leak away. the urge to comfort simon wells up behind johnny’s ribs, it’s a tender thing and it makes johnny’s breath hitch a little unsteadily. he sighs dramatically to cover it and flops his head back onto the pillow again. 

“c’mon then, get over here ya big bastard.” johnny orders faux-peevishly. 

“what.” 

johnny groans and rolls his eyes. simon can be unbelievably dense when it comes to intimacy that doesn’t involve being bent over the nearest suitable surface sometimes. 

“‘mon then, i want a cuddle before price decides to split us up for the rest of our careers.” johnny raises his arms and makes a grabbing motion much like a wee toddler would to demand being picked up. johnny tries not to be insulted when that seems to be the reason that simon hefts himself to his feet to stand awkwardly at the side of the bed. 

“‘m not gonna fit.” he states and johnny rolls his eyes again. 

“sure ye will, just don’t squash my tits, alright?”

there’s a pause before simon states in his usual blunt manner - 

“how th’ fuck am i meant to do that, you ‘ad ‘em chopped off at eighteen.” 

and for some reason that makes johnny burst into relieved laughter. 

aye, they’ll be alright.

[unknown7s]

I dunno, just my general thoughts on Arcane fandom discourse these days:

Ok, I know that the majority turned to love demonising Silco so unilaterally nowadays (whether it's twitter/tiktoc/reddit..) even though the showrunners themselves have stated that there is no set villain. While this is sad to watch how media illiteracy has gone wild, it's actually frustrating AND fearful because I get the strong feeling of how the dominant mass media really is effective in pushing non-first-world-western-white agendas to the margins and silencing minority voices.

Let me be clear before someone say "but fiction and real world problem/history are different" - YES I FUCKIN KNOW, thank you very much. Surely I can clarify the distinction between them. However, what I'm saying is that it is also true that fiction has a profound impact on the way viewers perceive reality.

I come from a background where my country is built upon a history of people who fought by any means necessary to overthrow imperialist oppressors in 20C (and they were not just "freedom fighters" but all kinds of ideologists from right-wing nationalists to left-wing marxists all together fighting for one goal) to gain independent nation. There were reasons why people had to fight without regard to morality or a particular ideology during that time in order to overthrow the whole system. And in reality, these methods cannot be morally flawless or without side effects - just like how Shimmer is the perfect metaphorical symbol of that in Arcane and thus the episode title is "The Base Violence Necessary for Change". Moreover, in reality the ppl/country that colonised us still defines those who fought for the independent nation as terrorists or criminals to convince that they are the so-called "wrongdoers" (which is not so ironic is it? if you think about how Piltover-side "champions" react to them and what their primary goal is in S2 trailers).

Coming from this part of the historical view, I can't help but understand and support Silco's agenda and sympathise of what his mind had gone through. Not just him but Sevika and Jinx as well (which is why it's a hoot to see some of their fans HATE Silco and I'm like 'jeez do these people even know what the mental/political heritage is? Those characters are built upon his legacy, and the showrunners & writers clearly know what they are doing'). Well, more precisely, because I come from a non-anglowhite world where we had gone through these complex history of independence movement and developmental dictatorship issue, it feels clearer to me where the showrunners - especially Alex Yee since he wrote almost every dialogue of Silco - got their ideas from which part of history & politics and what perspective they are trying to convey through these characters who believe in "the nation of Zaun".

So whenever I see how Arcane fandom discourses are so violent in hating so-called "villains", I really cannot fathom how much they are based on the inadvertently-western-central-imperialistic-and-capitalistic perspective... but then again, this is just some marginalised viewer's thought right? lol

[audioroleplayconfessions]

I understand that Darlin' post a few days back, but I am a Darlin' HATER (/lh) and a David DEFENDER (he is me i am him x)

I saw another post that explained it way better than I could have, but Darlin' put so many people in danger, it's not even funny. Like imagine your ex bf is a serial killer and you just don't tell anyone because it has to be you who gets revenge. Because, let's be real, that's what it was all about. Fred and Bright literally died because they were too adamant to tell David or William or the Department, which could've put the pack, House Solaire and just random people in genuine life-threatening situations. INCLUDING ANGEL AND BABE (who would get absolutely torn apart by Quinn). And, again, people did die because of that decision! If I was David, I would be a million times angrier, if my partner and entire family was put at that much risk over a revenge quest, however noble. He has the patience of a saint.

That, and didn't Darlin' break into a random vampire's home and kill both of them when looking for Quinn? Like lol idc if they attacked Darlin' first, they broke into their home they're so justified tf!!! Darlin' has killed so many people and hides behind this shield of 'oh woe is me' and it pisses me off. You are the architect of your own destruction you dumb bitch!!

Like, yeah, Darlin' was trying to help, sure, but what if Angel actually was killed or kidnapped by Quinn? Or Babe? Or someone else in the pack? They very well could've been? Then what? Is that still an okay excuse? David is a very pragmatic character, and he understands that he needs to be stern with shit like this because it's way bigger than Darlin'. David puts the pack first, and Darlin' had to learn that lesson, no matter how much it hurt to hear. He's a prick, but he'd never endanger them the way they did him. Why? Cause, honestlyyy? Before Sam and his intervention, Darlin' was a self-destructive mess.

David owed Darlin' absolutely no apology during the Quinn shit. They're the reason people are dead. That's fuckin wild gurl.

(again all /lh but i cant let my boy get slandered like this this is libel)

.

[cadmusfly]

so for the RP blog shenanigans I was looking up a guy who @josefavomjaaga told me actually used to be Ney's ADC before tranferring to Soult's team, who has a really long name but let's call him Bory de Saint-Vincent because that's his last name

and this dude is fuckin wild, look at this description of him

Bory de Saint-Vincent's almost too colorful life story has sometimes overshadowed his reputation as one of the most thoughtful and productive naturalists of the early nineteenth century. A free spending extrovert who also dabbled in literary ventures, his career was complicated by involvement in a near-mutiny at sea, various political intrigues, and financial debts to the extent that he spent years at a time avoiding the authorities, or actually being incarcerated. Throughout it all, however, he managed to keep up a career as a natural history collector.

he's more known for being a naturalist than a military guy, but he's also just straight up nuts

even just looking at his wikipedia page

I dunno about you, but I feel like "precocious naturalist" should mean "discovered twenty new kinds of plants as a kid", not helping save a guy from prison (I initially read it as jailbreaking but it could have been more legal, not sure, but also apparently the ship the entomologist was meant to be on also sank so lil kid Bory saved this guy's life technically???)

Dude hopped on a expedition to Australia, got sick of the captain and decided to just go at it alone for a few years in the middle of the ocean

now my crack theory is that ney got sick of hearing about plants all the time and shoved him towards soult

and he had so many scientist friends, when he was exiled after waterloo, he was invited to stay in prussia by the king thanks to a scientist friend, got kicked out after 18 months, "offered a commission as General in Bolívar's new Republic of Colombia" by another scientist friend, declined that, and escaped to holland to meet the Sieyes guy who kinda was supposed to be a consul alongside this other dude called Bonaparte many years ago

dude got placed in debtor's prison for too many debts and these two fuckin notes attached to that

His scientist friends tried to cheer him up by parading a giraffe next to the debtor's prison so that he can climb onto the rooftop to look at it with a telescope

but he didnt want to leave prison because he could have his friends visit and had good food and good sleep, but his son in law against his wishes paid his debts so that he could actually go to the damn wedding

dude did have some weird racist ideas about human ethnicity but he was also anti-slavery and denounced the heritage peerage system while in a political position and ended up getting kicked out because of that so that's cool

this guy is like a french Stephen Maturin sort of, except he's real

and he is also contributing to the fact that none of soult's ADCs are normal people

i wish i'd learned about him earlier so i could submit him to the napoleonic sexyman tournament

[shinjiikar1]

So as I've been watching My Stand-In I've been writing down my thoughts on each episode, because boy do I have a lot of thoughts about this show. It's just really good to chew on! I'm a little behind and I'm trying to catch up before the finale, so I thought I'd post them throughout the week as the show comes to an end;; Starting with Episodes 1-4 under the cut ^^

Ep. 1

Joe… my guy… everything sucks so bad for you already huh ☹

Wut being at the hospital and talking about old joe… joe being like “guess I have to be a stand-in for another guy again” like so resigned, it hurts :(

It’s interesting to see like, Ming already having some sort of feelings for Joe when he probably doesn’t even realize it

The way he looks at him when Joe cooks for him and does nice stuff for him, he seems to just not “get it” and I think he’s confusing his feelings of like general attraction (esp due to his similarity to Tong) and his warm feelings of being cared for, for just that similarity

The fact that Joe just likes him immediately and wants to do things for him is I think not super helpful for his brain, like, in some ways it is, bc he’s being shown care in a way I suspect doesn’t happen often, but also Joe is really just letting himself get steamrolled

I do appreciate his mild level of self-awareness with the “you shouldn’t sleep with someone like me as your first time” thing

Ep. 2

Getting that jealous when you’ve slept with him once and he’s gay is Wild, like you have So many issues richboy

I appreciate that Joe is trying to communicate rationally, unfortunately your bf is a freak, sorry

The shit with Tong is Wild, you need to get over him girl he sucks So bad I hate this bitch

It’s crazy how you’re that jealous about a man you’re ostensibly not dating and “don’t care about”

Making him sleep on the floor in his own damn house and then yelling at him… girl……

Joe please run

Ming has so many issuesss, he can’t fuckin communicate at allllll

It’s nice to humanize him a little in these moments with his sister, he seems to love her a lot, which is nice to see bc based on the first ep you wouldn’t really see that was the case

He’s such a generally unhappy person already

The one person in his corner is the one person he Can’t tell damn… that’s kind of crazy

Oh man Joe is Gone already, I appreciate that he turned Sol down nicely, that does make the fact that Sol is kinda weird later a littler Hm. But not like So bad? We shall see

I wish we had more time to see Why Joe likes Ming so much (prior to him saying he’s in love) but also I get these things happen fast and we have a lot to do

It just seems like his feelings are So strong, otherwise he could let go on round two but… alas

Ming did seem like he was maybe going to apologize, Ming style at least, when he showed up

Cooking dinner is Really cute… making breakfast for my beautiful wife… the kitchen is burning down

The dinner scene is Really sweet, I think it’s a good way to show that they both do like eo

It’s crazy that Ming does still think this is about Tong on some level though, like, girl tf has he done for you

But the way they were laughing;;;;

Ep. 3

Shopping montage, Ming is So bad at not just defaulting to his first reaction to everything ever, which is being a huge bitch about literally everything on earth

Like clearly he doesn’t actually hate all this stuff, but Joe hasn’t learned to read him well enough yet to understand that (which isn’t on Joe, just that like, maybe he could’ve figured that out eventually if it weren’t for the other shit), so Joe just takes his initial reactions at face value (understandably so, he’s a very open person himself and also takes people in general at their word and assumes they are also honest in their reactions)

However, Ming does manage to resolve the apartment thing Fairly okay all things considered, even if it wasn’t entirely bc he’s actually fine living with Joe there (I think he kind of is but won’t fully admit that to himself), negligible points for Ming!

I’ll say this later but I think the show gives you like, some good moments where Ming doesn’t actually suck, which allow you to understand why this is so hard for Joe and also to keep him from becoming like, the devil dfhjgjdf

We’ll see how that progresses in the present, but at least in the past I think they do a solid job with that

I need everyone to stop trying to intrude in Joe’s private life, like leave his ass aloneeeeeee

That dinner did Not go good man rip

Okay Sol is pissing me off a little, idk why so many people keep defending him. Like obviously he’s better than Ming in some ways, but I don’t… love the way he treats Joe, and the fact that he keeps pushing him after Joe Very nicely turned him down… not a huge fan

Can Joe just have like, normal people in his life for once?

I think if they dated it wouldn’t have been like horrible, but I can also see it going poorly. Like imo Sol gives off the vibes of like, getting bored after he gets what he wants but I think I’m overreacting. It mainly just bothers me that he’s so pushy and doesn’t really respect Joe’s boundaries or autonomy. Like, if he tells you it’s his problem and you should let it go then let it go!

Also all the job stuff sucks so badddd Tong is the worstttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

I feel like Ming would have told him more Eventually, but Joe is really worried about pushing him, their relationship probably feels precarious to him a lot of the time, and he doesn’t want to ruin it by upsetting Ming

I think he also wants Ming to tell him stuff himself, based on what we see, it seems like he has some idea that Ming’s family situation is difficult, so I think he wants to give him time to trust him as well

ALAS

If Ming could communicate, we would not be here, but we are :/

Anyways Ming small win about the Christmas stuff, like he is trying a little, he’s not Totally understanding how to be in a relationship, but he has decent moments, the restaurant is way too fancy, but he does actually deal with the watch situation well, good job!

Unfortunately. Tong.

The moment he has with his sister is really sweet. I’m glad there’s someone to tell him that this seems to be good for him. Alas. Tragedy is about to strike.

The mugs is so fucked too…

☹ Joe ☹

Ep. 4

God. It literally couldn’t have gone worse.

Like, I’ll be real, I think if Ming had reacted better, he could have eventually won Joe back

If he’d /listened/, and backed off, and tried to show Joe that he cared about him as a person, not just as a stand-in, I think Joe is forgiving enough, and loved him enough, to make that happen

Unfortunately, it really seems like he’s still kind of unaware of his own feelings on a lot of levels

Like, I think he does think he likes Joe on some level, but he’s unable to untangle that from his feelings for Tong

It’s hard to know how much of his love for Joe is because he’s Joe

ALSO I know I’m not supposed to know this yet, but it’s hard to know how much he actually likes Joe for Joe at all. Like given the whole way he fell in love with him on a very superficial level… Obviously later on I think he does like Joe for who he is, but even though it was never really Tong, that image he had of Joe’s back wasn’t really Joe either y’know?

Anyways, that’s kind of beside the point but I’ve been thinking about it

I know I’ve been pretty charitable to Ming so far but that does end here LMAO

He handles this in literally the worst way possible, like confronting him /at work/?!?!? You’re deranged girl

He’s just so possessive and not used to not having whatever he wants all the time, his rich boy Momence

Like, Joe is /rightfully/ upset, and you’re like “well that’s my personal business” HELLO??? 911???

Ridiculoussssssssss

I hate Tong so bad guys you have no idea, I know it’s far away but I’m sooooooo excited for his downfall

Ming grovelling a little but it’s too lateeeee, or too early, like I said, if you gave it some time maybe

Crazy to be like “oh you’re cheating on me and all you care about is your job” when Joe has literally never lied or hid anything from you… like be SOooooo fr right now

Anyways literally knocking him out AND CHAINING HIM IN A BASEMENT is definitely like, idk how to even phrase this aside from girl what the actual fuck you thought that would get you anywhere????  THIS IS NOT KINNPORSCHE YOU ARE NOT IN THE MAFIA, YOU ARE A NEPO BABY WITH NO JOB AND THAT IS YOUR NORMAL-ASS BOYFRIEND

Joe like sadly seducing him to break out is really depressing, very hard to watch, I’m sorry everything sucks so bad for you I love u

Lets talk about Joe for a second too, I think you can make a case for the fact that he handles the situation a little poorly, but who among us would do better?

Based on his perspective, it’s really hard to tell what of Ming’s affection for him is real, and along with his own extant insecurities, there’s no way he could handle this calmly

Also why should he have to? Regardless of how he feels /now/, Ming did start this entire thing because he was comparing Joe to Tong. End of. Even if they had actually slept together that first night, he was with Joe partially because he was mad at Tong. He hadn’t necessarily made the connection about how similar they looked yet, but he still wasn’t doing it just because he liked Joe.

So like, the only thing I think Joe could have handled better was the acting situation, but he’s having such a miserable time, and trying to regain any sense of dignity and self-respect and this is the only way he can think to do it. If it helps him get back at Ming a little too, I get it y’know?

I don’t really blame him

And as for taking the job, again, what was he supposed to do? He has no support, and he’s obviously not willing to go back to Ming. Those are his only two options since Wut won’t help.

Sidebar I know Wut can’t do much, but to not give him any advice other than “if you do the only thing you can think of to do in this situation I’ll abandon you” ………….. wtf dude. I feel like he’s trying to scare him off it, but you can see how bad of a state he’s in right now… ANYWAYS, not thrilled with Wut

Anyways this show is such a tragedy, you can see all the points where each character could have gone a slightly different way and maybe it would’ve been better, but they didn’t, and now they’re here ☹

Joe’s death is also like, so horrifying btw, literally one of my worst nightmares

Anyways back to the present we goooo

[anonymous-astronaut]

Mercs finding all their weapons replaced with bubble guns?

I took some artistic liberties with this one

Scout:

He’s SUPER into it, are you kidding it’s like a water balloon fight but with BUBBLES! Scout is like one of those dogs that runs back and forth at the speed of fucking light trying to catch them in his teeth, he pretty much reverts to a fourteen year old boy on a sugar high. He starts making twice as many sound effects as usual, blasting people in the face with his bubble shotgun. It’s the most fun he’s had in a long time.

Soldier

This man is soaring through the sky like a goddamn bubble rocket. He is fuckin flying to the point where he is convinced he himself is a bubble. When he does decide to land and point his launcher at people, heaven help them. That thing can take a man clear off his feet in a a flood of bubbles and launch him into space, and Soldier has no hesitation firing point-blank range either. He takes this just as seriously as any other fight, there is no mercy from his bubbly wrath.

Pyro

This is Pyro’s dream come true. For once, everyone is having just as much fun on the battlefield as they are, and Pyro is beyond delighted. They love sneaking up on people and absolutely showering them in bubbles, plus they can make pretty rainbows if they angle it in the sun right.

Heavy

WHO TOUCHED SASHA?!!? Seriously, if he doesn’t want find out what happened to his real gun fast, there are going to be problems. However, if Sasha is safe and sound, he’ll partake in a little bubble war, why not? At first he thinks it’s a bit childish, but a bubble machine gun…. it’s just too awesome to resist. Soon he’s having a grande old time mowing people down with bubbles.

Demo

Bubble BOMBS??? Omg, Demo is absolutely delighted by the possibilities. He becomes sneakier than a goddamn spy, setting up elaborate traps and suddenly making the whole field into a giant maze booby traps. I like to think he has all sorts of bombs to choose from, from ones that send you flying in a shower of bubbles to ones that fill up a whole hallway in foam. He’s running around giggling like a madman and sometimes accidentally setting off his own bubble mines.

Engie

He isn’t particularly thrilled about it at first. The bubble sentries are pretty cool, but he just feels so separated from the action, it takes all the fun out of it. He’s all pouty about it until Scout or Pyro sneaks up and blasts him, and then it’s game on. He’s takes his bubble shotgun out like “you little fucker” and joins in the mayhem.

Medic

Maybe he distributes bubble fuel instead of heals? Since no one is actually getting injured (unless it’s super intense, you never know with these guys). Idk how his medigun works, but either way I know he ISNT using it. No, Medic has gone FULL FERAL. He’s got his bubble-fied syringe gun out and is “RATATATATA”ing at everyone he sees, including his own teammates. Battle Medic mode engaged. Absolute wild child. Fear for your life

Sniper

How does this even work?? Does he shoot one really powerful bubble at someone? Maybe he can target a guy and trap a bubble around his head?? I’m not sure, but he probably can’t resist the mayhem for long and takes out his smg instead, running out on the field with everybody else for a change. He didn’t get to participate in games like this much as a kid, so getting blasted in the face by bubbles is somehow a fun and healing experience.

Spy

Imagine, if you will, the absolute shittiest little plastic bubble handgun you can possible picture. Cheap dollar-store water pistol lookin fucker. That’s it. That is what this man has to defend himself with. He gets six lil bubbly blasts and then he has to run around pumping it up to try and reload, and it’s fucking hilarious. He would just refuse to participate, but people keep picking on him and his ego is too massive to settle with just letting them get away with it. He ends up getting really into it. Afterwards he acts like it was the worse day of his life and complains about getting soap on his suit, but secretly he thought it was a tiny bit fun.

[borom1r]

WEIRD fuckin ask but we talked about it once and it would not exit the brain. Flavours of neurodivergence within the fellowship: discuss?

OGH. no, good ask. good ask I love it. AUTISM FLAVORED bc that is my own experience :3

Aragorn— autism of the “I Am 100% A Changeling, I Have No Idea How To Relate To Humanity” variety. like yea being partly raised by elves didn’t help but he absolutely wandered around mimicking people to learn how to Behave Like A Person. autism trait absorption for the win!! comes to Minas Tirith and gets a painful crash course in masking, but never quite figured out how to Not stare at someone like a feral cat when he wants something from them (despite the Stare, HATES eye contact)

Boromir— OPPOSITE AUTISM. very direct. EXTREMELY rigid routines. military history special interest (literally just undiagnosed dad autism). probably has food sensitivities but he’s spent so long as a soldier he can just eat anything now. he hates it and he won’t eat a big portion of non-safe foods, but at least he can swallow them. he IS absolutely 100% undiagnosed and doesn’t think there’s anything wrong but if he doesn’t get to perfectly make his bed every morning he will be in a Noticeably Bad Mood for the rest of the day < does not understand that this isn’t normal

Gandalf— oh there’s definitely something going on there, but good luck with figuring THAT out

Legolas— AuDHD king. the autism/ADHD comorbidity is real and he barely bothers to mask. least of all in front of men?? he’s an elf prince and you expect him to act “normal” by human standards? I love how jacked up the Hobbit film timeline is bc Thranduil implying to Legolas “yeah go hang out in Rivendell with a ten year old” is SO funny. canon to me tho. there was a very significant chunk of time where Aragorn was just Mini Legolas. hell world for civilized Rivendell elves. unlike Aragorn, however, prefers very direct eye contact. WILL fully hit you with the 👁️👁️ almost unblinking for a whole conversation

Gimli— I’m gonna be real here. I think neurotypical but in the sense of like. literally nobody cares. dwarves are craftsmen, artisans, smiths, you think they’re going to risk squandering talent simply because somebody needs some accommodations? are you nuts???? like yea maybe somebody’s a Little Weird Sometimes but they can work the forge just fine or tool leather for straps/handle wraps, or draft designs, or stamp metal for decorations, like?? doesn’t particularly grasp the need for labels when you can just work with ppl to figure out what’s best for them + then everyone’s happy. fully has to stew on the fact that Men Don’t Do That, men are actually very rigid about what is socially acceptable and won’t provide accommodations Unless there is a label. wild.

Frodo— autism/depression hell combination. no meltdowns, only shutdowns. auditory processing disorder!! definitely also has poor temperature regulation (CONSTANTLY cold). hey did u know that’s a symptom of ASD? crazy. WILD. anyways. Sam knows he can barely handle the feeling of mittens/gloves so half the time when they’re hanging out is Sam just holding Frodo’s hands so they actually fucking warm up for a bit. not too rigid about Big routines, most of his are Little (always putting a specific amount of sugar in his tea, for example)

Sam— neurotypical but in the sense of my dad where he was just SO used to me being Autistically Strange that he was just like. “well, that’s Strider!” < blissfully unaware. fully just SO used to whatever’s going on w/ Frodo+Merry that it’s Normal to him. like wdym they’re different?? those are just his friends?? hello??

Merry— ADHDDDDDDDDD. and look ik Tolkien said pipeweed is just tobacco but that’s a lie and we all know it, right? right. self-medicating with pipeweed.

Pippin— neurotypical but Pippin-flavored

[vodkacheesefries]

I officially have three saves going and I realized my Tavs accidentally fit the "McDonald's coffee" meme a little too perfectly

Info dump under the cut! Spoilers ahoy, read at ur own risk

Io the Cleric (she/they)

Very practical sort, camp mom even though their girlfriend Shadowheart is the dedicated healer. Carries snacks for everyone.

She gets very upset at first when people default to her choices and sorta view her as the leader and then get mad when she makes a choice they don't like. Doesn't do great with the pressure.

Secretly also only recently learned how to swim but gotta be brave for the girlfriend

Also romancing Halsin because I couldn't in Gritty's playthrough (because they romanced Wyll) but I'm also a sucker for the tall/small trope

But goddamn do both Shadowheart and Halsin make me/Io blush sometimes

Technically broke her oath for her paladin mutliclass because she wouldn't kill the vampire spawn and released them but we had 1000 gold handy so everything's fine, totally didn't send them into their own mini faith crisis

Very much has a Ninth Doctor "Just this once, everybody lives!" moment when she somehow managed to successfully keep all of the Harper's alive at Moonrise. However they do feel deeply guilty for not being able to talk Ketheric down.

Has two moms who love her very much and will be thrilled when she brings home a boyfriend AND a girlfriend

"Gritty" the Druid (they/them)

What's their real name? Who knows! Gritty doesn't care, and likely, doesn't remember.

Being a druid they are frequently actually gritty but if they were able to they'd stay in a hot bath for hours

Favorite wild shape is the spider. Actually quite fond of spiders overall. They think they're misunderstood, sorta like tieflings.

Hooked up with Lae'zel at the tiefling party, but broke it off because Gritty has a chill kinda stoner vibe and Lae'zel's intensity was just a biiit too much for them, though they grow to be best friends. Gritty is super depressed when she leaves to go back to take care of Vlaakith, even tho they are completely supportive.

But boy did they fall head over heels unexpectedly for Wyll

Secretly really relieved he didn't want to take over as duke. They weren't keen on staying in the city.

Like your typical newlywed couple, their honeymoon is going to the Hells to kill a demon 💕

Knox the Rogue (they/he)

I literally just started the Dark Urge origin so I know as much as they do about their past so there's not a whole lot for me to work with outside of how I'm building their personality

Trying their damnedest to resist the urge and squash it down

Sorta sardonic, but it's mostly just to cover up how fuckin scared they are

They're jealous of folks like Karlach who can let their guard down enough to feel jovial, even despite the stress they're all under

Right now feels safest with Astarion, and that will hopefully continue because I neeeeed to do his romance route

Feels really bad about Alfira. They want to want to help people, not to want to hurt them.

[silverjetsystm]

edelweiss :   what was the bravest moment in your muse’s life ?are they known to be courageous from then on ?

❥     𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒    [ 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙳 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂 ] -- Accepting!

Okay I've been mulling on this.

There are a few I could toss up as 'bravest.' Most of them are telling Khonshu to go to hell. >:3c but in this case, I think we'll go with the 'death by origin story.'

Is that cheating?

Marc's gone from dishonorably discharged Marine and former CIA operator to real deal merc. He's felt a twinge of conscience before now but this is the big moment of Marc becoming not bad guy.

MK (2006) #3 Writer: Huston; Penciler: Finch; Inkers: Miki, Olazaba, and Martinez; Colorist: D’Armata; Letterers: Caramagna and Virtual Calligraphy

However, for reasons eventually under the cut, Marc thinks this moment was a moment of weakness instead of bravery.

This got away from me so I'm placing Cory retells and analyzes MK (1980) #1 under a read more.

Marc and his bestie Frenchie work for Bushman. Frenchie figured out the campaign they're on is the wrong side. Marc and Frenchie like underdog causes and as few war crimes as possible. Bushman's big into war crimes.

[Marc just spouting off about tombs is hilarious to me]

Frenchie and Marc don't like those orders. They plan on getting the heck out of there. Marc gets them pulled in. The lead archeologist stands up to Bushman with a gold dagger. Marc warns Bushman, who kills the archeologist. Archeologist tells Marc to save his daughter, Marlene.

Spoiler alerts? Marlene becomes the System's girlfriend for a very long time. In the early days, she was very invested in 'rehabilitating' Steven as the future, MK as the atonement, and hoped one day that Steven and her will have a happy life free of the MK junk. Marc was the bad past and Jake was not serious.

Marc does tell Marlene Bushman killed her dad when they meet again in the tomb, so that's good. Still...

Worst meet cute.

Marlene makes it to the tomb and has the surviving staff start moving out when they spot this fuckin guy topple into the sand. They lay him in front of the statue and realize he's dead.

Writer: Moench; Penciler: Sienkiewicz; Inkers: Sienkiewicz and Springer; Colorist: Sharen; Letterer: Orzechowski

Yes. There's no vision of Khonshu besides the statue for decades. Moench designed it as open ended. It was up to the reader and the characters to determine if it was coincidence or something more. In the original comics, Steven and Jake were considered aliases who may or may not be a little too real.

Lemire and Smallwood did a fantastic retelling with bonus Steven, Jake, and Khonshu. (and a shirt and plate carrier for Marc)

MK (2016) #14 Writer: Lemire; Penciler and Inker: Smallwood; Colorist: Bellaire; Letterer: Petit

It takes courage to change one's whole life around. Marc's got other thoughts about it.

MK (2021) #1 Writer: MacKay; Penciler and Inker: Cappuccio; Colorist: Rosenberg; Letterer: Petit

To Marc, he made the wrong choice when he agreed to become Khonshu's Fist. All his life, he believed his father was weak and foolish for being a pacifist. His father would never had made a bargain with a foreign god.

Part of it is whether or not he actually grew beyond the merc mindset. Sure, he helps people now. Keeps the ultraviolence to an all time minimum. He'll talk a big game about ripping people's faces off but when he has an option to kill someone, he instead comes up with a fate worse than death. He's still an incredibly violent person who goes to Avengers Mandated Therapy and has friends (for all he hides it in professionalism).

Clinging to MK as a sense of escape from his wild dog days, self-worth, and duty has kept him from being able to move on and find peace. Frenchie and Marlene lead separate lives from him. Diatrice, Marlene and the System's daughter, can't visit because of Marc's choices.

[floydsmuse]

Meggy I can't resist this thought, I was gonna wait since I just left it but I can't help myself at all (lol).

I did share this with a friend, but the thought of a slight crossover with Harry Potter and Percy Jackson with Outer Range just has me going HNNNGGGHH!!!!! (lol).

Rhett, Royal, Cecelia, wifey and the Yellowstone crew run a ranch that's a bit of a cross between Hogwarts and Camp Half Blood. The place takes kids from nursery school through Grade 12 and even has a joint college program with other magical colleges throughout the US and the world.

All of the kids have their own little cabins, hidey holes and houses but none is more favored than the aptly named "Prairie Dog Den". Rhett's in charge of the den and the secret entrance is in the storehouse behind an oddly marked whiskey barrel. If you knock on the barrels wrong, you get whiskey dumped all over you (lol). But it's sooooo nice and cozy inside, almost like the Hufflepuff common room with lots of cozy chairs, a fireplace, plenty of library space, a cozy corner for cats, owls or other familiars and the bedroom has super comfy four posters covered over in thick quilts for the winter.

Kids are encouraged to keep lots and lots of field guides and make their own main lesson books and have plenty of outdoor time to play and explore. They even learn all the cowboy/rodeo arts too. Bull riding is always fun, however it's not with any ordinary bulls.......the kids have to learn to ride the bulls in Apollo's herd and they are some of the most ornery motherfuckers you've ever seen! Putting them out to pasture is easy, however some of the kids who were on the drive runs had forgotten to lock the gate and it got to the point where Rhett and Royal ended up putting up a sign that said "Chasing cows will be your fate, if ya'll don't close the fuckin gate" (lol).

Many of the Early Childhood kiddos including yours and Rhett's little babies have an absolute blast with their playgroups and are almost always under the watchful eyes of their teachers, some mortals and others the different nymphs that came from Camp Half Blood to work with the littles. During naptime, they'll play a lyre that they made (my school's early childhood program actually does this and it's AMAZING!) and at night when they go to their dormitories, they have soft, fluffy little dream dragons who will snuggle with them, put them back to sleep if they wake up suddenly and will eat up the bad dreams that try and creep their way in.

The forest is everybody's favorite stomping grounds, acre after acre of thick woods, a swamp, a lake and hills that make for great trail rides. The swamp mermaids keep careful watch over the kids playing Capture The Flag, Hide And Seek and have even been known to make shelters for the frogs and turtles out of sticks, moss and algae while the ones that live in the lake, teach the kids how to swim during the summer and even swim alongside the rowing teams.

The woods themselves are perfect grounds for familiars such as wildcats, bears, mountain lions, lynxes, wolves, ospreys, eagles and other wild creatures native to the Yellowstone area. Thomas Rainwater and his friend Mo, both have thunderbirds who like to nest high in the trees and watch for danger. There's also a whole mish-mosh of creatures who have come with students across the world, many of them mountain trolls and giants that guard the entrances to the woods. You and Rhett occasionally take the kiddos on a little adventure to visit a whole clan of Bigfoots who also protect the place.

Even the gods and goddesses from across the world have come in the guise of a mortal since the Abbotts and the Duttons have close relations with Camp Half Blood and will come to guest teach. Apollo loves watching the bull riding and roping but does get squeamish when some of the riders get bucked off his bulls (lol). Thor occasionally comes for a visit but has to accompany Loki for various reasons. Spider Grandmother is a frequent visitor for Thomas, Mo and many of the students who have Native American heritage and teaches everyone how to spin fibers by hand.

By far, Dionysus is everybody's favorite visitor (think a guy with Rhett's hair, but it's black and he has a really close cut beard, a purple flannel, muddy jeans, steel toed Tim's and a Mack hat like Rhett's, lol).  A few of the kids in the 5th grade planted a little vineyard for the Greek games they were hosting but nothing could really grow. Dionysus took them all out for their gardening course and showed them exactly what to do and BOOM! The grape fields exploded with life, but that's nothing compared to what he did with them that summer.

It was a wicked hot summer in Montana, hadn't rained for a good two weeks (one of the rain gods must've been pissed off about something and Dionysus was definitely not having it, lol). Well, Mr. Grapes himself looked around and thought a little fun might be in order. So, him, Rhett, wifey and the students all got their cowboy on and decided they were gonna do a lil rain line-dance and what did they pick for a song?? What else but "Rain Is A Good Thing" by Luke Bryan (lol).

I also seriously believe the ranch was so well known amongst both the muggle and wizarding world and was held in such high regard that all magical schools in the wizarding world mandated that their own students do at least one year abroad at the ranch (the Abbotts and the Duttons took in both muggles and squibs because they saw that magic could be taught and that people simply weren't born with it). I also firmly believe that when the Golden Trio and many of their friends, Malfoy included, had children of their own, they sent them to the ranch to learn all that (lol).

Meggy I've gotta hold it right there because I know if I keep going with it, it's gonna be too long of a blurb (lol).

hehe Mary it’s all good! i can’t wait to read these thoughts on a crossover between Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, & Outer Range ?! oooohh!! this sounds awesome! i’m really looking forward to it🥰

~ woah okay! the ranch being a mix of Hogwarts & Camp half blood sounds so sick ?! omg! ooh! the little cabins for each kid could be like the different Hogwarts houses irl maybe?! love the idea of a secret entrance & getting whiskey poured on your head 😂 the den sounds so cozy & warm! as a Hufflepuff, that’s definitely somewhere i’d want to be :)) the library, the fireplace, & a little special corner for the cats?! sign me up plssss!

~ i love the idea of the kids learning the art of rodeos/bull riding! that couldn’t be more perfect!

"Chasing cows will be your fate, if ya'll don't close the fuckin gate" NOW THIS GOOD !! love this little play on words :))

~ woah! nymphs coming in from Camp Half Blood to work with the kids is amazing !! aww them playing a lyre to get them to fall asleep just sounds so lovely :,) that’s so great that they have that at your school too!!! the soft little dream dragons sound so magical 🥹 i want one hehe :) definitely think i could use it sometimes! ooh the forest sounds so cool! did you say swamp mermaids ?! i used to be OBSESSED with mermaids when i was little & actually convinced my friends that i was one, so i love that you mentioned them! capture the flag, hide & seek, & rowing all sound sooo fun !! ahhh!

~ ooh! all the wildlife, i love it! wildcats, bears, mountain lions, lynxes, wolves, ospreys, eagles. wow they sure got it all! hehe! omg mountain trolls & bigfoots?! that’s sooo awesome! my imagination is running absolutely wild trying to picture all of this right now! just imagine being taught by gods & goddesses? it’d be the coolest thing ever & i bet it would so much fun!!! Thor & Loki yesss🥰 love love it! omg Dionysus! that name definitely rings a bell & makes me think back to elementary/middle school when learning about greek mythology! haha pls! now all I’m thinking about is Rhett with black hair & i’m going feral 🫠 sheeeesh! he would look so damn good, but i love his chocolate locks too much! i bet the black would make his blue eyes pop even more tho…hmm? Mary, i’m not gonna be able to stop thinking about this now ughh😩 hehe anyways…

~ Mr Grapes plsss! that’s such a good nickname for Dionysus 🤣 aww omg! him, Rhett, wifey, & the kids getting together to do a line-dance in the rain is great !!! woah! wizards going abroad to visit the ranch is awesome & so clever! Malfoy going there with his kids is such a cool idea too!!

Mary you seriously blew me away with these thoughts! it was such a creative crossovers of worlds & i really loved reading what you came up with :)) thank you for sending them in, until next time my darling🥰💗