#however i understand. i had to refrain from giving a whole breakdown when i was saying that the x-files was a bad show i watched recently

[agathabridgerton]

btw we ran out of time and had to pause the pilot right before mulder spills his beans to scully LMAO missed one of the best scenes of the episode...

[kpop-zone]

Change of Mind pt.3 | Mina

CEO!AU | meet messy | “You confuse me.” 

Wordcount: 10,451

Part 1 Part 2

“I don’t care how busy he is! Get him on the phone and clear things up!”

Mina huffed into the phone before hanging up in annoyance. There was nothing worse than unreliable business partners.

Could this day get any worse?

The answer was yes. Just when Mina was about to take a sip of her steaming hot coffee to calm her nerves, someone ran into her full force, making her spill her beverage all over herself.

“Are you serious??”

She yelled exasperated, looking down on her beautiful blouse that looked like she had crawled through the mud with it now. The person who had run into her mumbled some apologies, but Mina didn’t even listen. She was so done with unreliable people.

“Do you know how expensive this shirt is?! You shouldn’t make other people pay for your obvious incapability to manage life.”

Desperately, Mina tried to clean her shirt with a napkin; she didn’t really have time to get changed, but she could impossibly attend all the meetings today with a stained shirt. It was truly always the same kind of people that made her life harder. Maybe it was unfair to take out all her pinned-up anger on that poor soul in front of her right now, but this incident had made Mina lose all sense of rationality.

“A diligent and decent person wouldn’t have to run anywhere. That’s what differentiates the successful from the scum. I would-“

She was about to give the person another piece of her mind when she finally averted her gaze from her blouse to look at her opponent, causing her to stop abruptly. Not only did that person look like a beaten puppy drowning in guilt, but also turned out to be the most stunning person that Mina had ever seen in her life. In awe, Mina shamelessly scanned your body, knowing that you were too speechless to stop her anyways. Everything about you was simply perfect. Therefore, Mina took her sweet time studying every detail of your body until her eyes met yours again. Your face was suddenly flushed, and it was obvious that her intense gaze was making you nervous. Mina, however, enjoyed seeing you this flustered, wherefore she decided to torture you a bit longer before clearing her throat.

“Aren’t you late to something?”

She asked, remembering that you had been running somewhere before bumping into her and she didn’t want to be the reason for you to be even later. A shocked gasp escaped your throat like you had totally forgotten about your appointment, causing Mina to giggle. You had to be really clumsy, but somehow that made you even more attractive.

“Um...I- yes. I- your shirt.”

You stuttered while rummaging your bag for your purse. Your gesture showed that you had manners and Mina liked that, but she didn’t want to have your money; you looked like you needed it more than she did. Therefore, she rested her hand on top of yours to stop you, causing you to look at her with wide eyes.

“Go.”

Mina ordered with a stern face in order to nib any backtalk in the bud. And her strategy worked. With a slightly bewildered face, you bowed hastily before rushing off.

Curious about where you would go, Mina decided to not go her way yet, but to look after you, realizing to her delight that you were entering her company.

Were you working for her?

Having the urge to know more about you, Mina quickly followed you, but waited a little at the side when she saw that you were talking to the receptionist. As soon as you were picked up by another employee, Mina rushed to the counter.

“Who was the person that you were just talking to and what is their business here?”

She cut straight to the point, much to the confusion of the receptionist.

“What- oh my god, Ms. Myoui!”

When her subordinate realized who was standing in front of her, she leaped to her feet in lightning speed and started searching for the demanded information.

“That was...um...Y/N L/N. One of the applicants for the open position in Mr. Gwan’s team in the sales department.”

When Mina heard this new piece of information, she almost squealed in joy. So you could indeed be working for her soon which meant that she had the chance to see you again.

“Thank you.”

Hastily, Mina thanked the receptionist before rushing to the elevator to pay the sales department a visit. Of course, it was Mr. Gwan’s decision who he wanted to have in his team, but maybe a recommendation of hers would help him to make his decision...

As soon the elevator door opened on the ninth floor, a murmur went through the sales department, causing Mina to smirk in amusement. It was always the same. She was well respected in her company, maybe even feared by some. But she didn’t mind. She enjoyed the nervous glances and the dignified bows of her subordinates. Therefore, she strutted down the hallway with her head held high, knowing fully well that all the team leaders were having a little mental breakdown right now, wondering whether they had messed something up. If they only knew that Mina couldn’t care less about their work right now...

Without any detours, she walked straight to the conference room where your job interview was happening and pressed her ear against the door. She just wanted to know whether you needed her help to get the job or whether you were doing fine by yourself. But instead of hearing a professional conversation, Mina heard something that made her blood boil.

“Who do you think you are? Do you think I’m only waiting for you? And then you appear here looking like that?”

She heard a man, who she assumed to be Mr. Gwan, yelling, causing an inexplicable fire to light inside of her. Mina knew that she shouldn’t be affected by this. You were a complete stranger and she should not get involved in affairs that weren’t in her field of duty. But for some reason the thought of someone yelling at you made her lose her cool. Without knocking, Mina teared open the door to the conference room and stormed inside.

“Is that how you deal with all of our applicants? Do you think that’s good publicity for my company? My god, you must have been raised by animals. Your incompetence is truly astonishing.”

She yelled without a warning, causing Mr. Gwan and you to look at her in shock. Immediately, Mina got lost in your helpless puppy dog eyes again and she completely ignored Mr. Gwan’s useless babbling. Something about you just sparked an incredible urge to protect you inside of her. If you could make everyone feel this way, Mina had no trouble believing that you had the whole world whipped for you.

Mr. Gwan kept going on and on until Mina had enough of his annoying voice and interrupted him rudely.

“Well, I don’t really have time for your irrelevant babbling. For your sake, however, I hope that you will quickly fill this position with the right person. Otherwise...well, I think I will not be having any use for you.”

The dumbfounded expression on Mr. Gwan’s face conjured a smile to Mina’s lips and she had to refrain herself from laughing. She was sure that this poor man had gotten her hint and would make the right decision regarding you. Therefore, she turned around wordlessly and left the room with a victorious smirk on her face. Her job was done here. Instead of instantly making her way to the long-overdue appointment of hers though, Mina decided to wait in front of the room. She assumed that the meeting probably wouldn’t even take fifteen minutes and she wanted to talk with you one last time for today. Gladly, her assumption turned out to be right and the door to the conference room opened ten minutes later.

You stepped out of the room, looking like you had had the worst day of your life and Mina had to hold herself back from pulling you into her arms. Instead, she went for a more professional and appropriate approach.

“Congratulations.”

Mina exclaimed happily, causing you to flinch. Only now you seemed to have realized that you weren’t alone in the hallway and turned around with a confused expression on your face. Once you saw her, you tensed up again and Mina didn’t know whether she found it adorable that you still got so flustered around her or irritating that you seemed to be almost scared of her.

“I- thank you. It’s just-“

You stuttered and Mina looked at you expectantly. This would be the first time that you would communicate a coherent sentence with her. But once again, your courage left you and you stared at her helplessly. Therefore, Mina calmly got closer to you in hopes that she could show you that there wasn’t just this loud, aggressive side to her that she had already demonstrated you twice today.

“It’s just what?”

She chuckled, encouraging you to finish your sentence.

“It’s just...I don’t understand why you’re doing this for me. You confuse me.”

Your sudden confession came unexpected, but Mina liked your straightforwardness. But judging by the expression on your face, you hadn’t planned to be so blunt, causing her to laugh.

“You’ll figure it out soon.”

Mina answered mysteriously, wondering whether you had truly no idea yet why she was being so nice to you. It wasn’t like she made her attraction towards you a secret. But to give you another hint, she stepped closer to you, managing to bring her own heartbeat to an unhealthy frequency. It would be so easy to close the gap now, but Mina wasn’t so sure whether you were ready yet. Therefore, she decided that she had teased you enough for the day.

“Anyways, see you Monday.”

Nonchalantly, Mina stepped away from you again and gave you a cheeky wink before turning around and strutting away while stifling a laugh.

Oh you were so adorable, she couldn’t even wait for your next encounter.

---

But unfortunately, the day of your next encounter was tainted by an unpleasant incident beforehand. Like any logical human being would have done, Mina had of course arranged your relocation to her floor. Mr. Gwan was clearly a bad team leader and she didn’t like her current assistant anyways. Therefore, it was only plausible to make you her new assistant. Unfortunately, there was an array of people who thought differently about that.

Mina had already noticed the day of the job interview that people were whispering more behind her back than usual but after she had ordered her assistant to move to the sales department, the rumor mill exploded. It needed a while till the rumors ended up on the top floor, but as Mina made her way to her first meeting of the week on Monday, she got a taste of what her employees were saying about her.

“So I’ve heard you hired a new assistant. Rumors have it that they are more than just you’re assistant though. Who are they? A relative? A fling?”

Mr. Jeon, a high-ranking board member, smirked as he sat down next to Mina at the conference table. His question surprised her; she hadn’t thought that the news would carry quite that fast. But Mina didn’t let her surprise show, calmly she faced him and feigned a lack of knowledge.

“You should know by now that most rumors are just the product of too much fantasy. I simply didn’t get along with my assistant and needed a new one.”

Mina lied with a fake smile on her lips, but the arrogant expression on Mr. Jeon’s face told her that he wasn’t done interrogating her yet.

“Sure...Is that why you yelled at a senior employee of ours and -how should I say- stole his new recruit? Come on, you can be honest with me. I won’t judge, I know that assistants can be quite...tempting. It would be totally normal if one of them made you weak.”

Disgusted, Mina’s gaze fell on the wedding ring on his finger and she had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes. She hated that people were associating her with someone like him.

“I yelled at the employee because he was out of line. And I didn’t steal his recruit. This is my company, I can’t steal what’s already mine.”

She said sharply and Mr. Jeon’s grin faltered.

“Yes of course. It was obvious that all those rumors were just made up.”

He quickly uttered and Mina had to distract herself with the documents in front of her, because otherwise she would have to tell him how much his spinelessness disgusted her.

But despite knowing that Mr. Jeon was nothing but a blithering idiot, Mina couldn’t manage to ignore his remarks. They were stuck in her brain and during the whole meeting, his words bothered her. For one, she didn’t want her whole company to talk badly about you. You hadn’t even started working yet, but everyone still knew your name by now. But above all, there was one word that Mina hated more than any other. A word that instantly caused her to fly off the handle if people used it to describe her. Weak. Mina knew that she wouldn’t be so bothered by Mr. Jeon’s words if she didn’t secretly think that there was some truth to them.

Were you making her weak?

Mina couldn’t say in good conscience that all her actions in the past week had been right. She shouldn’t have compromised a good senior employee like Mr. Gwon and she definitely shouldn’t have transferred her assistant to the sales department without a warning. Those decisions weren’t made after thorough consideration and in favor of her company like she usually did; they resulted from a selfish desire. With every minute that Mina sat in that conference room, she got more upset about herself. How could she have acted so recklessly? If she had only been more considerate, the whole company wouldn’t be talking about her love life right now.

Mina was so lost in her thoughts that she only realized that the meeting had ended when she was the last person remaining in the room. Quickly, she packed all her stuff while cursing when she realized that her next meeting would start in less than two minutes. Annoyed, she ran to the next room. You were really bringing her nothing but trouble. She had to focus on her company again. If she could, she would even rewind to the day of the job interview and make everything undone. But that was just wishful thinking now. Nevertheless, there were other measures that she could take: she had to cleanse her mind from you. Therefore, she tried to clear her mind before sitting down at the head of the table at her next meeting, intending to pay better attention this time around. Her good resolution was put to the test, however, when the door to the conference room suddenly flew open to reveal you.

The root of all the chaos in her life right now.

Like the first time, her heart immediately started fluttering when your eyes met; especially when you waved at her awkwardly. You were such a dork. Mina could have sat there forever, just looking at you, but when she felt the gazes of the other participants of the meeting on her, she got reminded of the annoying rumors that were circulating in the company and her expression changed quickly. Instead of flashing you a wide gummy smile like she wanted to, Mina rolled her eyes, feigning to be a ruthless boss.

She needed to nib those rumors in the bud.

The look on your face, however, caused Mina to regret her decision in an instant. You looked so confused and she wished to be able to apologize to you. But that wouldn’t be fair. She had to stop with all that hot and cold treatment. Her company came before everything else. Therefore, she needed to focus again and if that was only possible by cutting you off, she needed to show you the cold shoulder for now.

A task that turned out to be harder than she had thought.

Your little insecure glances throughout the whole meeting didn’t go unnoticed by her, even if she forbade herself to stare at you. It was pure torture. Mina would love nothing more than to flash you a smile or to give you an encouraging thumbs up to tell you that you were doing fine for your first day. But the eyes of the others were glued on her today. Even when the meeting was over and the two of you made your way to her office on the top floor. All the assistants whispered behind your back, causing you to insecurely scan your surroundings. You were clearly uncomfortable, and this was all her fault. She needed to make it up to you; even if her good intentions would be absolutely invisible to you.

Throughout the week, Mina could see how your frustration grew with every day. She was punishing you with ignorance and criticism, no matter how accurately you were working. It was cruel and hurting Mina probably exactly as much as it was hurting you, but she told herself that you would thank her in the end. Nevertheless, she had never been looking forward to the end of the week like this week. Only one more meeting and she could send you home and recover from this horrible week. She would be in dire need of a breather after this meeting. Not only because of you, but also because this meeting was essential for the future of this company. If she could close this deal, no recession in this world could bring her down. She would rise above all the competition. Therefore, she was equally looking forward to this meeting as she was also dreading it. Nervously, she had paced about in her office before strutting to the conference room, pretending to be confident.

“Mr. Park, I’m glad that you could make it.”

With a wide smile on her face and an extended hand, Mina approached the older CEO and bowed to him politely while shaking his hand.

“Shall we?”

She pointed towards the conference room where everyone took a seat around the table. It didn’t take long till you entered the room as well and headed straight for the guests.

“Good morning. Is there anything that I can get you?”

You asked politely with a soft smile and Mina felt how a bit of her nervousness disappeared. Maybe you were causing her to make crazy decisions, but she couldn’t deny the calmness that she felt around you either. That was as long as everyone behaved around you, which Mina couldn’t really say right now. The way all those conceited prigs were rudely spitting out their orders without showing any sign of gratitude was causing this certain familiar irritation to crawl out of the dark inside of Mina. But you handled the situation with grace, so she took a deep breath and tried to let it go. This was neither the place nor time to make a scene; this customer was really important. Therefore, she pushed all the thoughts about you to the very back of her head and started the meeting with her eyes on the price: walking out of this room with a closed deal today.

If just everyone had been as focused as her...

Unfortunately, it seemed like the Mr. Park really wanted to test her patience though.

“Why isn’t my coffee iced?”

He snapped at you, when you returned to the conference room and placed his order in front of him. Irritated, Mina looked up from her notes in front of her, feeling like someone had just dropped a matchstick into an oil drum inside of her. Her grasp automatically tightened around the pen that she was holding, and her eyes darkened.

“I-iced? Because you ordered a hot cappuccino…”

You stuttered and Mina could hear how you were struggling to stay polite.

“I did not. Go get me a new one. Iced. I hope you’re able to keep that simple order in mind this time.”

Mr. Park rudely shoved the cup into your hands and Mina needed to physically bite her tongue in order to stop herself from stepping in. She could taste blood in her mouth and she quickly averted her gaze from the scene in front of her. The company comes first, she told herself in her head over and over again in a desperate attempt to bring her heartrate down. Only when she heard the door of the conference room being opened and closed, she dared to look up again, seeing that you had left the room.

“It’s so hard to get competent assistants these days...”

Mr. Park scoffed and the other men at the table agreed with him, but not Mina. He could be glad that she didn’t just rip his head off; she surely wouldn’t suck up to him just to please him. Therefore, she simply cleared her throat to catch the attention of the others and continued with her presentation.

“Where were we? Ah right, the targets of our partnership.”

Mina smiled, ready to focus on the benefits that Mr. Park brought to the table again, although they were harder to see with every minute that passed. There was barely a sentence that she could finish before Mr. Park interrupted her with a stupid comment. Maybe Mina could have endured them better if there wasn’t a flame already flickering inside of her, but it was increasingly hard for her to keep her cool. Your appearance was just the final straw to make her explode.

You walked into the room with a fake smile on your lips and the coffee that Mr. Park definitely didn’t deserve. It was hard for Mina to listen to another one of his dumb remarks while observing you in the corner of her eye, but she tried her best to stay focus. That was until a really unfortunate event caused her breath to catch in her throat.

“YA!”

Mr. Park yelled after you had spilled his coffee all over him. Deserved, Mina thought to herself while feigning to be shocked although she was actually trying her hardest not to laugh. Her amusement, however, disappeared a second later when Mr. Park leaped to his feet in order to yell at you.

“You incompetent idiot! What is wrong with you?! Did you just spill the coffee all over me to get back at me?? Do you know who I am? I’m going to make you pay for this, you ungrateful scumbag!”

The company comes first, the company comes first, the company comes first, the com- how dare this asshole?!

Mina had tried her hardest to keep her cool for the sake of her company, but enough was enough. No one, absolutely no one was allowed to yell at you. Anger replaced every single bit of rationality in her body and she leaped to her feet while slamming her hand on the table.

“Out.”

Was the only word she managed to choke out without absolutely losing her temper. But no one moved and Mr. Park even had the audacity to smirk victoriously. Did he think that she had meant you? In that case, she had to make herself clearer...

“I said out! The deal is off the table. My company doesn’t make deals with petty tyrants like you.”

She yelled now, unable to keep her emotions in check. The jaws of everyone in the room dropped and Mina would have probably laughed if her anger weren’t still consuming her completely.

“Excuse me?”

Mr. Park stuttered and Mina was starting to lose her patience. She couldn’t stand to see this man a second longer.

“Out.”

She growled and this time, Mr. Park seemed to have gotten the hint. In disbelief, he scoffed and looked at his associates before straightening out his stained suit.

“Very well. But don’t think that these ties can ever be mended. I’m going to make sure that you’re going to regret this.”

He stated arrogantly and it took everything from Mina not to jump across the table to grab him by his collar and to throw him out of the building herself. Making her regret this? He didn’t have that kind of power, if any Mina would make him regret ever having lived. Breathlessly, she supported herself on the table after Mr. Park and his associates had left the room as it hit Mina what she had just done. Even if Mr. Park was the biggest asshole on this planet, the deal with his company would have still been huge. But that chance was gone forever now, and Mina couldn’t believe that she had robbed her company of it just because of you.

“This is all your fault.”

She hissed angrily before finally looking at you.

“This was a million-dollar deal. Damn it.”

You flinched in shock when she swept the portfolio off the table, making her regret her action in an instant.

“I-I’m sorry.”

You stuttered and Mina chuckled bitterly.

“Oh thank you, that makes everything better.”

She exclaimed cynically, although she knew that it wasn’t fair to let her anger out on you. None of this was actually your fault.

“Of course not. I’m sorry, I will get my stuff.”

You mumbled in defeat, causing Mina’s heart to break. Get your stuff? Were you still not able to see that she was willing to sacrifice everything in order to have you in her life?

With slouched shoulders, you walked to the door and Mina knew that she should let you go. You were turning everything upside down. But she couldn’t let you slip out of that door and out of her life. Not after everything that she had already given up for you. Therefore, she quickly chased after you and grabbed your arm just as you wanted to press down the door handle. With a strong pull, she managed to spin you around, causing you to helplessly stumble into her arms. Once again, Mina instantly got lost in your eyes and she didn’t waste another second before grabbing your neck and crashing her lips into yours. She had wanted to do this since your first encounter. Starving for your taste, she ran her tongue over your bottom lip and finally you seemed to wake up. Hesitantly, you granted her access and Mina had to suppress the urge to hum into the kiss. She had kissed so many people in her life, but never had she ever felt so high before. Your taste was addicting, and she wished that she could keep standing there with you forever. But this was a highly frequented room; anyone could walk in here any second, so Mina pulled away reluctantly. Despite the risk, however, she couldn’t get herself to step away from you. Her hands kept cupping your face and she gently stroked your cheeks with her thumbs while letting this feeling of comfort wash over her as she got lost in her eyes. How did you manage to make her feel so many things in just a split second? Desperately, Mina sighed before resting her forehead against yours.

“What am I supposed to do with you? You drive me crazy.”

---

Mina’s words were causing you to chuckle. You were driving her crazy? What were you supposed to say? Gently, you put your finger underneath her chin and pushed it up to make her look at you.

“Well...you could stop pushing me away. Because you are driving me crazy too.”

You replied and Mina sheepishly hid her head in the crook of your neck.

“I’m sorry.”

She mumbled against your skin and you laughed.

“It’s ok, now that I know that you like me too, your behavior is more bearable.”

Your statement caused Mina’s head to shoot up and she looked at you in disbelief.

“You only know now that I like you?? I made it so obvious!”

She gasped and you held up your hands defensively.

“You didn’t talk to me for one whole week and when you did, you yelled at me! How should I have known?”

You argued, remembering how this week would have been the worst of your entire life if Mina hadn’t just made it up to you.

“Ok...if you say it like that, I see where you’re coming from.”

Mina said innocently and you shook your head in amusement. You liked this kind of interactions between the two of you a lot better.

“Yeah you should definitely make it up to me.”

A light smirk tugged on the corner of your lip as you stepped closer again and Mina mirrored your expression in anticipation. Just when you were about to lean in for another kiss though, the door of the conference room suddenly swung open and Mina jumped away from you as if you were toxic. Completely oblivious to what was going on, a man entered, seeming to be fuming in anger.

“Is it true? Is it true that the deal with the Park corporation is off the table?”

The man’s voice cracked, and Mina avoided his gaze before reluctantly walking closer to him.

“Yes, it’s true. Mr. Park was highly uncooperative.”

She answered calmly, but the man looked like she had just said the most ridiculous thing on the planet.

“Uncooperative?? It was your job to make him cooperative! Do you know how much this deal would have meant for this company?”

It was cruel to watch Mina getting scolded for something that you had messed up, but you felt like it wasn’t your place to step in.

“Mr. Jeon, please calm down. Let’s go to my office.”

Mina stayed professional and gestured towards the door whereat Mr. Jeon sighed and left the room. Helplessly, you stood there, looking at Mina who flashed you an apologetic gaze before stepping into the hallway as well, leaving you alone in the conference room. Since meeting Mina, you felt like you were living in an alternate universe; everything seemed to be way too crazy to be real. But today was a step in the right direction. At least you knew now that you weren’t delusional. Mina truly liked you and seemed to be just as helpless as you. It was high time that you sorted things out with each other. Maybe the two of you could use the weekend to meet outside of work and talk about everything. Therefore, you followed the two board members to the top floor and sat down at your desk in front of Mina’s office, waiting for a chance to talk with the CEO. Through the glass walls, you could see that Mr. Jeon and Mina were discussing agitatedly for almost an hour before they eventually seemed to have come to an agreement. While glaring at you angrily, Mr. Jeon left Mina’s office and disappeared in another one further down the hallway. Mina, on the other hand, tiredly sat behind her desk and stared into the void.

Maybe you could cheer her up by asking her out...

Therefore, you took a deep breath and walked over to her office. You knocked shortly before letting yourself in without waiting for an answer.

“Hey.”

You greeted Mina shyly, but she only gifted you with a short glance. Instead, she turned her attention to some papers on her desk and started to rustle with them busily.

“Um...I was wondering whether you had some time to talk?”

You piped up while awkwardly shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

“No.”

Mina simply replied without bothering to look up from her desk. Dumbfounded, you stared at her, not knowing how to react to her sudden coldness.

“Maybe later?”

You tried your luck once more, but you ran against a wall.

“No, I’m busy.”

It seemed like you had accidentally traveled back in time. Instead of talking with the woman that had kissed you senseless in the conference room earlier, you were faced with the old Mina again that punished you with ignorance for one whole week. Your headache instantly returned again, and you stumbled out of the office in pure disbelief. How could one single person have that many mood swings? Exhausted by the events of the day, you plopped down on your chair and pretended to work on some papers that Mina had given you this morning, while replaying the kiss in your head over and over again. All the emotions that Mina had put in it, couldn’t have been fake, right? You martyred your brain for almost an hour until a movement in the corner of your eye ripped you from your line of thought. It was Mina who finally left her office.

“You can leave early today, Y/N. See you on Monday.”

She said emotionlessly while walking by, leaving you even more confused than before. You didn’t even have the chance to talk back before she was already gone. For at least fifteen minutes, you simply stared down the empty hallway while trying to make sense of Mina before packing up your stuff in slow-motion. Usually, you wouldn’t have minded a long weekend, but under these circumstances, you dreaded it. A bad feeling was beginning to spread in your guts.

What if the kiss hadn’t changed anything? What if everything would stay the same?

---

Mina felt like punching herself as she rushed down the hallway. She was playing a cruel game with you; she was painfully aware of that. But she couldn’t stop. You were somehow messing with the chemicals in her brain and cutting you out of her life wasn’t an option anymore. But at the same time, she had responsibility for her company and Mr. Jeon had just made it clear to her what would happen if she didn’t fulfill her duties. Yes, she was the CEO of this company, but if the shareholders would work together, they could still remove her from her position. It was maddening and she needed time to think. Therefore, she had sent you home early. She couldn’t stand to be around you a second longer and to be reminded of the highly unpleasant talk with Mr. Jeon. You probably already had a whiplash from her mood swings, and she needed to use this weekend to come up with a solution.

But no matter how hard Mina martyred her brain, she couldn’t find one. Before she knew it, the weekend was over, she was sitting in her office again and you were driving her insane, just by looking at some papers. Half of the morning was wasted already because Mina hadn’t been able to concentrate. Instead, she had been staring at you. The way you knitted your brow when you concentrated was extremely adorable and the moment you bit your lip while filling out some form, Mina knew that she had to do something about her desire. Not wasting another second, she leaped to her feet and strutted to your desk.

“I need your help.”

Without waiting for your answer, Mina walked to the copy room, hearing how you followed her hectically. The moment you had entered the room, she slammed the door shut before pressing you against one of the photocopiers to your surprise. Utter confusion was written all over your face, so Mina decided to give short shrift. Just like the first time, she simply pressed her lips on yours, trying to let you know how much she wanted you even if she couldn’t always show it to you. She hadn’t been so sure whether you would forgive her after she had sent you home on Friday, but to her delight, your lips soon started to move in sync with hers causing her to sigh into the kiss. She had missed you tremendously, even if she only hadn’t seen you for two days. But apparently, you were feeling the same. Needily, you were pulling her closer even though there wasn’t even space for a single piece of paper between the two of you. Mina couldn’t help but to smile into the kiss while teasing you by pulling away several times, only to have you leaning forward to capture her lips again. It seemed like you were two magnets that simply belonged together, but unfortunately the knowledge that there was probably already another client of hers waiting in her office was annoyingly pinching her and Mina had to pull away despite the overwhelming attraction.

“I have an appointment.”

She whispered while softly stroking the outlines of your jaw.

“Skip it.”

You grinned, causing her to chuckle. She was very tempted to agree to your offer, but she knew that she couldn’t. The only thing that she could offer you right now were fleeting and secret moments like this. Her duties as CEO still came before you.

“I can’t.”

After pressing another kiss on your lips, she pushed herself off you and fixed her clothes.

“It’s a very important meeting. Oh and I need you to print the documents that I’ve sent you per mail.”

Sheepishly, Mina smiled at you, knowing that her timing was terrible right now, but you didn’t seem to mind.

“Yes, ma’am.”

You saluted dorkily, causing her to laugh before turning around to leave the room.

Maybe it wasn’t much that she could give you, but she would make sure to make those times worthwhile... and plenty. Mina just couldn’t help herself. You simply looked so kissable when you typed away on your computer or prepped her for one of her million meetings. So, in the following weeks it became a habit that Mina abducted you to an empty room whenever no one was around to express her affection even when she had to show you the cold shoulder most of the time. Because as soon as other people were around, Mina pretended to be your ruthless superior who mercilessly bossed you around. It was hard to be mean to you, but it was a necessary evil to prove all the people wrong that had spread rumors about the two of you. And Mina’s plan seemed to work. After a few weeks, no one whispered behind your back anymore and Mr. Jeon stopped eyeing you suspiciously. Mina even had to stop herself from becoming cocky and acting foolish again due to the naivety of everyone else. It had almost been too easy to find a solution to her problems...almost. Because what Mina hadn’t considered in her perfect plan were your feelings. You had played your part in her scheme so perfectly until you suddenly didn’t anymore one day...

---

People bumped into you left and right, but you didn’t care. Despite being an obstacle in the busy stream of employees that were trying to get to their workplace on time, you didn’t pick up your pace. Your initial euphoria about your new job was long gone and by now you just dreaded to go to work. You were so tired of Mina’s games. Even if her little ambushes had managed to help you get over her otherwise rough behavior, they simply weren’t enough anymore. You wanted to be more than just her little secret during her five-minute breaks between two meetings. Or maybe you would even be able to bear the secrecy if she wouldn’t grumble at you because of every little mistake. But the combination of both was just slowly killing you. Therefore, you took your time every morning to get to work. You knew that Mina would discover your daily tardiness one day, but she yelled at you anyways, so why should you bother?

Like always, you arrived five minutes late and barely managed to plop down on your chair before Mina rushed past your desk.

“Y/N, did you print the documents that I asked you for yesterday? Bring them to my meeting.”

She demanded before disappearing in her office, only to storm out of it again a second later to get to her meeting on time. You, on the other hand, weren’t prepared to go there yet, because horrified, you realized that you hadn’t printed the demanded documents yesterday. You remembered that Mina had asked you for them five minutes before your finishing time and you had simply waved her request off. Little had you known that she needed them so soon. In lightning speed, you opened the attachment of her last mail from the day before and hit the ‘print’ button. To your dismay, however, it seemed like the document was 100 pages long and with every second that passed you knew that your death inched closer. On wobbly legs you eventually ran to the conference room, managing to arrive only a minute after the official start. Relieved, you sighed silently when you entered the room and heard that Mina was still making small talk with the other participants of the meeting. Unfortunately, though, your happiness didn’t last long.

“Are you incapable of telling the time?”

You didn’t need to look at Mina to know that she was staring at you with one of her terrifying gazes that seemed to be able to set you on fire. With your head hanging low, you put down the documents in front of her and lightly bowed to her.

“I’m really sorry. It will never ha-“

Before you were able to finish your apology, Mina cut you short.

“I’m so tired of your sloppy work! Everyone would be grateful to have your job and you allow yourself to play games? I gave you this opportunity and I can take it from you again if I want to. I should have known better. You have been unreliable from the start.”

She scoffed and your head snapped up. Somehow Mina’s comment suddenly caused your blood to seethe. You were unreliable? You had never asked her to get you this job and you had done all your work diligently despite her antics. In order to be close to her, you endured everything silently and were willing to put your own needs below hers. But now you were beginning to ask yourself if it was all worth it. Did she even appreciate you? Because right now it didn’t sound like it. If there were so many people who would be grateful to be in your shoes, you shouldn’t be selfish, right? While tightly clenching your fist to stop yourself from making a scene, you bowed deeply before firmly looking into her eyes.

“I’m sorry. I will not upset you again.”

You stated emotionlessly before turning around and leaving the room. You would indeed never upset her again. But neither would you ever reward her with your presence again.

Furious, you stormed to your desk where you paced up and down the hallway. Could you really quit? You had dreamed about working in this company for ages. Besides, you also depended on the salary and you weren’t so sure whether you would immediately find a new job. Frustrated, you plopped down on your chair and weighted your options. Should you swallow your pride, or should you risk becoming homeless? It was a tough decision but in the end, you knew that only one of those options would come into question. You could no one longer knuckle under to Mina; not if you still wanted to be able to look at yourself in the mirror. Therefore, you quickly packed up all your stuff, hoping that you could disappear before Mina would be back.

Unfortunately, however, you were just halfway down the hallway when the elevator door opened and your soon to be ex-boss stepped out. When she spotted you, she quickly looked around to make sure that no one was around before approaching you with a smirk on her face. As soon as she noticed the box with all your belongings in your hands though, she started frowning.

“What are you doing, Y/N?”

She asked with concern resonating in her voice.

“I’m done.”

You spat out, wanting to simply walk past her, but she grabbed your wrist to stop you.

“What do you mean?”

Genuine confusion reflected in her eyes and you wondered how she could still be so clueless. Did she really not know how wrong her little games were?

“I quit. This job and whatever this is between us. I’m tired of you and your games.”

With a strong arm movement, you ripped yourself free of her grasp and rushed to the elevator that was still on your floor. As the doors slowly closed, you could see that Mina was staring at you with an open mouth in utter disbelief and you almost felt sorry for her. But then you remembered that exactly this weakness for her soft side had gotten you in this trouble in the first place and you quickly pulled away your hand that reflexively wanted to stop the door from closing. Instead, you pressed the button for the ground floor and averted your eyes from Mina before you could change your mind. This rollercoaster ride needed to end now.

---

Mina felt like she was stuck in a bad dream when she watched you stepping into the elevator. She had truly thought that the two of you were doing fine and those news were hitting her like a truck. The moment your words had left your lips, her heart had stopped beating and her whole body was frozen ever since. Only when the display above the elevator showed a red 1, the stinging pain in Mina’s chest slowly started to spread in her body and managed to rip her out of her trance.

You were gone.

Indecisively, Mina turned in circles while grasping her hair, not knowing whether she should chase after you or act like a CEO. Why did everything always seem to come down to the conflict between her love for you and her responsibility for her company?

“Ah Ms. Myoui, I was just on my way to you. Do you have a minute?”

Mr. Jeon’s voice caused Mina to jump in shock. Dumbfounded, she turned around and saw that he was standing in the door of his office with a smug smile playing on his lips. Her gaze immediately darted back to the elevator where her heart was telling her to go.

“I-I have to...”

She stuttered, pointing to the elevator, but Mr. Jeon cut her short.

“Please, it’s important.”

He countered, causing Mina to sigh in defeat. She had sworn to him that she would never let her feelings interfere with the success of this company again. Therefore, she reluctantly followed him into his office where she listened to his babbling with only half an ear. Your words just played in her head over and over again.

I quit. This job and whatever this is between us. I’m tired of you and your games.

Only after hearing your words Mina had realized that she had never officially asked you to be hers or taken you out on a real date. In hindsight, she couldn’t believe how selfish she had been. Had she really dared to martyr you every single day without giving you anything in return? Without noticing, Mina huffed loudly, causing Mr. Jeon to stop his monologue and to look at her in confusion.

“I’m sorry, please continue. I was just thinking about...a client.”

Mina lied and Mr. Jeon eyed her suspiciously.

“It’s ok, I don’t want to steal any more of your precious time. And we can continue talking tonight. You’re coming, right?”

He asked and Mina stared at him for several seconds, trying to remember what he was referring to until she remembered the red cross in her calendar that was labeled ‘Annual Business Partner Gala’. This time the loud huff that slipped past her lips was directed at Mr. Jeon who looked at her offended, but Mina didn’t care. She really had better things to do tonight. But of course, she couldn’t just skip the gala. She was the face of the company and her business partners expected her to give a speech that would assure them that Myoui Holdings was still yielding the money that they expected. Therefore, Mina put on a fake smile and looked at Mr. Jeon.

“Of course, I’ll be there.”

She assured him before leaping to her feet and leaving his office, not being in the mood to pretend any longer to be listening to his unimportant babbling.

With her thoughts racing through her brain like on a racetrack, Mina made her way to her own office. As she passed your desk, however, her movements halted, and she looked at your seat with regret tugging at her heartstrings. If she hadn’t been so selfish you would still be sitting there. She just had made it too easy for herself and now karma was making her pay for it. With every second that she was standing there, it became harder for her to breathe, because it cost her every bit of strength in her body to suppress the tears that were threatening to spill. Maybe she had missed her chance to make you know how much you meant to her, but she herself was painfully aware of that fact which made it unbearable to stare at your empty desk. Therefore, Mina did what she had promised Mr. Jeon not to do and let her feelings get the better of her. Although you had left her several sticky notes on her desk that were telling her what she still had to do today, she couldn’t manage to free her thoughts from you. So in order to prevent having a breakdown in front of all the board members of her company, she grabbed her belongings and rushed out of her office.

She needed to put distance between her and this mess.

The car ride to her apartment didn’t take long but it seemed like it lasted hours. Even if her driver was obliged not to spill anything that happened in the car, Mina didn’t want to cry in front of him. It would absolutely ruin her reputation. Therefore, she held back her tears until her key card unlocked her door and she could finally stumble into her safe space. The hours that followed were a blur. Mina knew that she had to be calm and composed again for the gala tonight, so she tried to let out all her bottled-up emotions, resulting in a tearful breakdown.

What was she supposed to do about you? Was it selfish of her again to want you back?

Not only her brain and her heart seemed to disagree on the answer to this question. No, her heart alone seemed to be torn too. On the one hand, it told her to give in to her love for you. She didn’t want to live without you. She wanted to make it up to you and show you that she could do better. But on the other hand, the same love told her to stay away. Didn’t you deserve someone who treated you better? Even if she would stop with the secrecy and the blowups, she still wouldn’t have a lot of time for you. Her company demanded a lot of time from her and she wasn’t sure if you were willing to endure that. The dilemma was killing her, so Mina was almost glad when it was time to get ready for the gala and she could distract herself. Although it was hard to ignore her problems when her puffy face demanded almost twice the amount of makeup that she usually needed and to make things worse, even her dress reminded her of you, because she had chosen it specifically for you to impress you. Tears immediately started to pool in Mina’s eyes when she looked at herself in the mirror and she quickly rushed to her wardrobe to search for another dress. One that wouldn’t remind her of her failure throughout the whole night.

Just as Mina was about to make a terrible mess out of her closet though, the sound of her doorbell caused her to head to snap to the side.

“Y/N?”

She whispered absentmindedly before stumbling out of her room and to the front door. Maybe you were here to take the decision that was tearing her apart off her plate. Full of hope, Mina swung open the door, only to feel her heart break all over again when she stood face to face with her guest. Another guest than she had expected.

“Are you ready?”

Seongmin asked with a bored expression and Mina huffed in disappointment. She had totally forgotten about him. Business partners liked to see that their partner was doing well- both in business as well as in their private lives. Therefore, Mina had started to take her old school friend Seongmin to official events. For some reason, a single, successful woman apparently didn’t fit into the norm of the world that she was operating in. So she faked to be in a relationship with Seongmin to fulfill their stereotypes. It was degrading and Mina didn’t know why she allowed the board members and business partners to have so much power over her.

“What am I even doing?”

She sighed frustrated, causing Seongmin to look at her in confusion.

Was this really the life that she wanted to live? Did she really want the be the board members’ and business partners’ puppet? Mina’s gaze fell on the dress that she was wearing, and she wondered whether the two of you would still be together if she hadn’t allowed the opinions of others to mess with her head.

“You are getting ready for the gala. Where you are going with me. Your date.”

Seongmin answered hesitantly, still not being able to make sense of Mina’s weird behavior. His words caused her to look at him and she suddenly felt how her annoyance took control over her. Your date. This was just wrong. She shouldn’t have to fake a relationship to please others. And even more so, she shouldn’t have to hide her real one. She could be a good CEO and a good girlfriend. Maybe it had taken her a while, but finally Mina knew what the right thing was to do.

“No, you’re not my date. I already have one.”

She replied before rushing back into her apartment to grab her shoes and her purse. When she came back to the front door, Seongmin was still standing there dumbfounded and she quickly pressed a kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you for coming, Seongmin. But I don’t need your services tonight. You can go home.”

Mina smiled before running to the elevator. Her newfound determination suddenly washed away the lethargy from before and a wave of energy was electrifying her whole body. In lightning speed, she made her way to her car while calling the head of HR in hopes that the poor devil was still working.

“Ms. Myoui?”

He picked up the phone with uncertainty resonating in his voice, but Mina cut straight to the point, not having time for any explanations.

“Jinyoung, hi! Listen you have to do me a favor.”

She panted into the phone breathlessly while speeding out of the underground garage.

“You need to get me the address of an employee. The name is Y/N L/N.”

Jinyoung was audibly confused by Mina’s request and voiced concerns about confidentiality. But after repeating her request a second time in the sharp tone that made all her employees bow down to her, Mina could hear how Jinyoung typed something on his computer before sending her the address via text message.

“You are the best! Thank you!”

Without losing any more time, Mina hung up the phone and fed the address to her GPS that spit out the supposed shortest route to your apartment in return. Unfortunately, though, this time of day was not the best to drive from one part of the city to the other and Mina groaned loudly when she saw the time of arrival. Nevertheless, she didn’t let this little setback get her down and used the time that she was stuck in traffic to practice her apology in the rearview mirror instead. As soon as she was standing in front of your door, however, all her practice appeared to be useless. What if you didn’t want her back? She couldn’t resent you for that. The way that she had treated you in the past weeks had been absolutely unacceptable.

“Maybe I should come back another day?”

Mina mumbled to herself, remembering that she had learned in her years as CEO to never enter a negotiation unprepared. What were her arguments to convince you to take her back? What were her counterarguments for your accusations that you surely wouldn’t spare her? Before Mina could come up with a fitting strategy, however, the door to your apartment suddenly swung open and she found herself face-to-face with you. The moment your eyes met hers, your jaw dropped, and you stared at her with wide eyes.

“What are you doing here?”

You gasped, not seeming to have expected her in front of your door. Dumbfounded by your sudden presence, Mina opened and closed her mouth wordlessly in search for the right thing to say. Apologies weren’t her strong suit. Her reputation as ruthless and unapologetic CEO had gotten her where she was now. She wasn’t good at showing her vulnerable side. Therefore, before she knew it, her instincts took over and told her that there was only one applicable strategy right now: Offense is the best defense.

“I’m picking you up. We’re going on a date.”

Mina stated determined with her head held high, causing you to frown in confusion.

“No, we’re not.”

You scoffed, looking slightly offended. But Mina held her course.

“Yes, you are.”

She countered before brushing past you in order to walk into your apartment. For a second, she was disoriented in the unfamiliar surrounding but then she spotted her target and headed straight for your bedroom.

“W-wha... Do I get a say in this?”

You stuttered perplexed while watching how Mina rummaged your closet for something pretty for you to wear tonight.

“No.”

Mina simply answered as she pulled out a shirt that had looked like a perfect fit at first glance. But now that she was holding it in front of you, she didn’t really think that it highlighted your features that well, so she wanted to put it back into the closet. Before she could turn away from you again though, the utter look of disbelief in your face caused her to halt her movements.  Maybe this wasn’t the right strategy to demonstrate you that she was more than just a cold tyrant... How could she make the same mistakes over and over again? Disappointed in herself, Mina sighed before turning to you in order to switch her strategy.

“Of course, you have a say in this. But...I would appreciate it very much if you’d let me take you out on a date. I know I’ve behaved like the biggest asshole in the past weeks and I’m really, really sorry about that. But I know that I can do better. I think I forgot how to function like a normal human being over the years while making the company my top priority. But I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to make you my priority too. You have made me so happy in the past weeks and I want to make you happy in return too from now on.”

She explained, trying to take off the cold and unapproachable mask that she had gotten so used to wearing in the past years.

“And how is that supposed to work? I know how much this company means to you...”

You countered, sounding sad and angry at the same time.

“You’re right, it means a lot to me and I will not lie and tell you that I will be a prefect girlfriend. Because I won’t. I will spend a lot of time in the company and I will not give you the attention that you deserve at all time. But I promise that I will never let my work life interfere with my private life again like I did before. I allowed the board members to have way too much power over me. But I don’t care what they are saying. I have a right to be with the person I love and...that’s you.”

Once again, you looked like you had just seen a ghost and Mina sheepishly turned her gaze to the floor because she felt way too vulnerable right now to stand the silence that followed her confession.

“I really can’t believe you. I’ve never met someone who has that many mood swings. You confuse me!”

You huffed frustrated and Mina slouched her shoulders.

“I’ve just decided to wish you to hell and now you come around, being all cute again and making my heart flutter.”

Angrily, you crossed your arms, but your words gave Mina hope and she looked at you expectantly.

“One. I give you one more chance to change my mind.”

You held your pointer finger up in the air and Mina squealed in joy, but you nudged her chest threateningly, causing her to contain herself again.

“I’m serious Mina. If you treat me unfairly one more time or if I feel that you will always choose the company over me, I’ll quit for real.”

Mina instantly nodded in agreement, knowing that she was completely undeserving of this chance.

“I promise, I’ll be better.”

She whispered as tears were choking her up. This relationship was far too precious to her; she would make sure not to mess it up this time. Maybe it would still take her some time to let all her guards down, but she was willing to let you take the lead. Insecurely, she looked at you, waiting for you to make the next call, afraid that she might patronize you again.

“Come here...”

You sighed eventually while opening your arms and Mina didn’t waste a second before crashing her body into yours. A few tears of joy rolled down her cheeks as she buried her head in the crook of your neck and savored the feeling of comfort that instantly washed over her again.

She would make sure to repay you forever for your change of mind.

[thebrownssociety]

Across The Serververse, Chapter 10

Hey! thanks to @thatsalotoftoons and @shipping-queen-fay-blog [thank you for your nice comments, but the way] for following this story.  

*Approximately 5 and a half hours later*

“There.” Marvin removed himself from the underside of Sam’s newly-fixed car, with an of someone reaching the end of his tether. “You will not find a more ready-to-go car than that, Yosemite.”

Wile.E closed the bonnet of the car and, handing a tool of some kind to Raodie, gave a thumbs up.

The others all hopped down/stood away from the bits of the car that they were working on, revealing the whole thing in it’s shiny, gold-painted glory to Sam.

It was beautiful, the pirate thought while staring at it in amazement. It had been good before, but now it was great! The two canon muzzles that stuck out the end of the car had been modified so they were now ready to hold anything and Wile.E had done something with the amount of stuff the car could hold so it was, in a word, better.

Sam smiled and ran his hands over the paintwork. “It’s as good as new.” He said, trying not to get to emotional. “I-I don’t know how ta thank ya all.”

“You know...” Pepe said, coming over to stand next to Sam and putting his hand on the car door in what could only be described as a seductive manner. “We technically still have ze time? You could probably still run ze race if you wanted...?”

Sam gave it serious consideration, but then shook his head reluctantly. “Nah. I ah couldn’t do that. Not when we’re missing several relatives. I mean...if it all ends up coming down to the last couple of hours ah don’t wanna be thinkin’ ‘if only I hadn’t run that race!’ Ya know wha’ ah mean? Besides. The track do darn go on forever. Nah, les leave it.”

Just at that exact moment day turned into night, as it tended to do. There were no sunsets or sunrises in the serververse [unless you lived in a live-action world, such as Harry Potter] the sun just went up and down without any warning.

With a cry of alarm Bugs signalled to Marvin and the Martian sped-walked towards him with a placating: “Do not worry yourself, my furry brother, I have a torch somewhere in my hammerspa-”

“What?” Bugs looked at him like he’d lost the plot. “Oi’m not scared of de dark, Marvin. Oi scurry me little hide through pitch-black tunnels most of the time, how can I be scared of de dark? No, I want ta plan wit’ ya where we’re going next as - and you may not have noticed this - IT’S DE MIDDLE OF DE NIGHT!”

Marvin's eyes narrowed and he put his hands on his hips. “I appreciate this is a stressful time for us all, Bugs, but if you would kindly refrain from shouting at me-”

“Who’s shouting?” Bugs yelled.

Marvin’s eyes narrowed even further so they were practically one eye and he said, with dignity. “I shall attribute your attitude to both your concern about our siblings and lack of sleep. Now-” Marvin began, his tone, bearing and general attitude reminding everyone why he was in charge of a planet and they were not. “-Listen to me and listen well. We are nearly out of both water and fuel. We forgot to bring food with us, although I am willing to take responsibility for that as it is my ship, and we now have a car to transport. So I propose we go back to Warner Brothers Central for 12 hours exactly. I shall stock the ship with supplies and fill it up with fuel, Sam can take his car somewhere it won’t be a nuisance and we can all get some rest. We’ll then head straight off and decide who to get next after we all have clearer minds.” There was a pause during which Marvin looked at Bugs like he was expecting a reply.

Bugs blinked back at him, trying to process what he’d just said. His head felt foggy. He ran a hand across his forehead and smiled in what he hoped was a nice smile and not a deranged one. 

Marvin cleared his throat and said, slowly and clearly. “I propose we do that right this minute as - as you keep reminding us - time is off the essence. Is anyone against that plan?” He asked, looking round at the rest of the group.

If Bugs had been thinking clearly he’d have seen that everyone else was completely cool with Marvin’s idea, even Tweety who had been on edge for about the last 10 hours, seemed happy with it.

As he was not thinking clearly, however - far from it, he was tired, hungry, stressed and worried - Bugs said with the kind of ferocity you might expect from a wolf, should you ever meet one. “Okay, Oi get it. Ya want ta leave our family alone to fight for dere lives!” Voice rising, he spat. “Granny an’ Speedy are in ‘The Matrix’! Dey could be dead-!”

“Bugs!” Penelope cut in, with an urgent head nod at Tweety, who had gone ashen. 

Not even noticing her Bugs steamrolled on. “-Or bein’ attacked or somethin’! Sentient A.I’s who knows what damage dey cahn do! An’ Porky and Daffy are in DC World! An Lola’s dere as well! Villains! Superhero’s! Oi mean sure-” Bugs rambled, his voice becoming progressively higher-pitched as his body also started to shake. “All de times we’ve been dere it’s been fine, bit who knows now? Acid vaults! Incineration rays! Plants! That...” Here Bugs struggled  for a few seconds to find the words, then managed to grasp them. “...weird egg man...what was his name? - Humpty Dumpty! I mean-” At this point Bugs found himself unable to talk properly and made motions with his arms that, to him, represented sewing and to everyone else represented a nervous breakdown. “Oi mean...” He repeated. Slowing down now he looked at his family with wide eyes and a trembling frame, saying in a small voice. “...Oi don’t know what I mean.” Before bursting into tears. 

There was a long pause while the others tried to remember the last time they saw Bugs cry. Genuinely cry I mean, not for a cartoon or the like. Quite a while ago now...

It was Penelope who finally got enough wits about her to go and actually comfort the rabbit. Making soothing noises and reassuring him that Daffy, Porky and Lola would probably be fine as would the rest of the family, she enveloped him in a hug. 

One by one the other toons moved in and hugged Bugs as well. It took a while but eventually the rabbits breathing evened out and he started calming down. A little while longer and Bugs said, somewhat shakily. “Okay...Oi’m alright now. Jus’ lost me senses for a few minutes.”

“It’s perfectly logical.” Wile.E said, in what was meant to be a reassuring manner, but came across as lecturing. “This has been a stressful time and the human - or in your case - the rabbit mind can only deal with so much. After a short while-” 

It was at this point that Roadie elbowed his twin and held up a sign that said. ‘I don’t think he needs a lecture, Wile.E.’

Wile.E, massaging his arm, saw this and muttered something agreeable. 

“Marvin-” Bugs muttered, sounding exhausted. “-take over will ya? Oi don’t feel good.” And he sat down and put his head in his hands.

“Right.” Marvin wasted no time. “Wile.E and Roadie put Bugs up and carry him back to the ship. It’s clear the poor rabbit’s suffering a nervous breakdown of some sort. We’ll do what I said. Hopefully sleep will restore everyone’s minds. Let’s not waste any time now, Wile.E, Roadie?”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile, watching all this from the monitors Pete smiled [as much as a blob can smile] and dreamed about what it would be like if he could be so lucky as to be one of the ‘Looney Tunes’. He didn’t see why it couldn’t work. HIs jelly-like body was practically made for squashing under anvils....

After indulging this fantasy for more than a few minutes Pete slapped himself and started checking the other monitors.

Elmer was still fine. No change there then. Still showing a resistance to Mama’s Yak Stew and the like, but that was understandable.

Gossamer and Witch Hazel...Pete zoomed in and grimaced a little. Interesting. Very interesting. Amazing how people will change when you give them a little power...

On the bright side the guards were reacting well to Hazel. Pete had been worried about that...

Granny and Speedy...Pete zoomed in just in time for a fighting scene. Pete winced...he’d never seen a handbag used quite like that before...

Lola...still good. She was certainly improving. All that training must be paying off. 

And finally Daffy and Porky. Last time they’d been fine...

Pete zoomed in and - ah. How interesting. He leaned forward and linked his tentacles together. Really, he should have expected this. What was it Rhythm always said? There are ways round everything? How clever...

His last thoughts, before he stopped his monitoring for a few hours, was to wonder how the other toons would react to this? 

[cubeswhump]

Defy Fate; Reanimate, part 1: The Pieces of Osiris

Gonna make it clear that I got “Defy fate / Reanimate” from this song. This story takes inspiration from Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein but I kinda took the barest base of it and ran wild.

For much of my childhood, I was dead set on being a forensic pathologist. Then I got autistic burnout which turned into a nervous breakdown and had to reevaluate my life plan. I still have a huuuuuge love for forensics/pathology and I finally put it to use. A bit too much use. You’re gonna learn about rates of decay today.

Note: Part 2 is already written and will be posted tomorrow or the day after.

Tagging @more-miserables and @brutal-nemesis

Warning for gore, self-harm (not done from depression or misery), terminal illness, whump of a minor (via flashback), death (death is a whole ass focal point of this story so be warned), drugging, creepy whumper (like super creepy), consensual mildly-NSFW stuff that doesn't go anywhere, semi-professional surgery, dismemberment, disembowelment, general grossness.

Dearil was a constant; Lorelai barely remembered life without him. He showed up in first grade an awkward little boy who didn't speak a word of English and she was the happy helper with dozens of gold stars who took him under her wing. But they grew up and he learned English and gained confidence while Lorelai retreated into her shell.

Dearil seemed the type of kid who would be bullied relentlessly: openly gay, overweight, embraced his feminine side with pinks and purples and earrings, grew his hair longer than any boy at school, could tell you every plot point of Bleach and Naruto but couldn't follow a conversation, did these things with his hands that were later identified as stimming. However, he never held his tongue and had this air of confidence that even the mean kids respected. It was quiet, studious Lorelai they picked on, but no one dared bother her when big Dearil stood next to her. When chemotherapy made him lose his hair when they were sixteen, some classmates even shaved their heads to show support.

They stayed close even Dearil repeated eleventh grade because health complications made him miss so much school. They stayed nest best friends even when Lorelai graduated six months early, when he took a gap year, when Lorelai got into medical school. Even when the dreaded Boyfriebds stuck their feet in.

The two shared an apartment while Dearil worked on a degree in business and Lorelai was kept busy as an assistant in a morgue and full-time student. They had big dreams, but Dearil's were much more feasible: he planned to open a bakery that exclusively hired neurodivergent teens and young adults. Lorelai's plans?

"They only don't want to mix magic and medicine becahse the pharmaceutical companies will lose money!" she growled, glaring daggers at the emailed rejection of her thesis.

"People fear what they don't understand. I mean, science can't explain it and it's pretty fucking crazy," Dearil replied, shrugging. "If I had to explain it, I'd say it's kinda like equivalent exchange in Fullmetal Alchemist, right? I don't really get how it works. But you're smart. You're strong-willed. You'll do great."

She didn't get his anime comparisons, but she could get lost in the sould of his voice. If she could bottle it she would drink nothing else for the rest of her life.

Then another Boyfriend came along and she heard that voice less and less. She hated everything about Frankie: the way he zipped around on that noisy motorcycle (and how dare he wear the only helmet while Dearil rode around unprotected), his spikey hair, his smug smile, his grating laughter, his leathee jackets, his lips on Dearil's.

She refrained from hexing him. She wasn't a bad person who would use witchcraft to cause harm. Her acts were subtle and harmless: placing red rose petals in Dearil's pockets and shoes and placing petunia petals in Frankie's.

"I don't know what the flowers mean but I'm guessing it's some passive-aggressive bullshit," Dearil huffed. "Cut it out."

He got a bit angrier when she tried to cut off a chunk of Frankie's stiff hair. It was just for a bad luck charm, nothing lethal, but she pled the fifth on that one.

"You're like a sister to me," Dearil reminded her that day after Frankieeft. He meant well, but she wanted to scream and cry and break things. But she forced herself to smile.

There was a thought that haunted her every day. She would be the maid of honor, perhaps wearing teal if Dearil's current hair color was anything to go by. She would have to give a speech and congratulate the grooms. Watch them kiss. It should be her under that altar! She should be wearing a white gown and veil!

She resigned to life as a lonely spinster. She'd be married to her job.

That was the worst thing she imagined happening, until life hit her like a truck... and the delivery was a truck.

Dearil was so late getting home again. Any minute now he'd call and tell her he was spending the night with Frankie. And sure enough her smartphone rang, but it wasn't Dearil.

"What's up, Kensia?" she asked, but the only response from Dearil's younger sister was sobbing. Instant dread. "Kensia? Come on, use words. I'm not a mind reader."

So Kensia spoke, and Lorelai would have preferred she didn't. She didn't remember getting off the phone. She didn't remember much of that night at all, but she couldn't forget all of it.

***

She almost didn't go to the funeral. She didn't want to wake up ever again. She thought about joining Dearil. But she got out of his bed, staggered to her bedroom, and searched her closet for appropriate attire.

The black dress was old and wouldn't cover the runes carved into her arms, but what did it matter if someone got uncomfortable? Fuck everyone else. The dress was tight in her waist and she bitterly realized that it would fit soon enough now that Dearil wouldn't be baking sugary treats all the time.

His mother came to greet her dressed in all white. The whole Jean-Pierre family wore white, even Dearil's dad whose wardrobe consisted of grey suits and plain ties. Catheline wrapped her up in a bone-crushing hug and Lorelai wanted to push her away and shout, "I'm not here for you!"

A cheap pine coffin for someone so great. What a disgrace. It was closed too. A closed-casket funeral was the most logical solution but it hirt Lorelai to know she wouldn't see his beautiful face ever again. That beautiful face was pulverized. Even Frankie, who was wearing a helmet, was killed so Dearil didn't stand a chance. He was killed on impact, painlessly.

Painless for who? It hurt so, so much.

She could scarcely hear the spoken eulogies over her own sobs, and declined to give one herself. Dearil's own mother wound up consoling Lorelai throughout the ceremony, rocking the young woman in her arms like a child. No words were shared until the end when Catheline walked Lorelai to her car.

"Traditionally in Haiti, we gather to mourn for nine days. It's a social gathering where we eat and drink and talk, nothing stiff and formal," Catheline explained through her own tears, smoothing Lorelai's messy ponytail. "You're part of the family, cheri. We want you to join us."

Like she wanted to waste her time at some social event. The only thing she wanted to do was lie in Dearil's bed and smell him on his pillow. But she couldn't shut Catheline down like that.

"Why nine days?" she asked.

"That's how long the soul takes to leave the body - that's what we Vodouists believe. We gather for nine days to assire the soul ascends safely and doesn't get stolen away by any petro loas. Evil spirits."

A pause. Lorelai got an odd look on her face. "Was he embalmed? Were his organs donated?"

Disgust flashed across Catheline's face for just a second. She took a deep breath. "We believe that harm dealt to the body after death harms the soul, so we don't usually embalm or donate organs. Dearil did want to donate his organs, you know what he's like, so we respected his wishes. He wasn't embalmed. Why do you ask?"

The question had a bit of an edge. She sniffed and dabbed her eyes.

Lorelai wasn't crying anymore, though her eyes were rimmed with red. "Catheline... If his soul is still on earth, could his body be saved?"

Catheline frowned. "What are you..." Her face contorted with horror. "No! I have nothing against you doing witchcraft, but this is where I put my foot down. Interfering with the soul? My son's soul? Imagine the pain he'd be in! How could you even think of that?"

Lorelai looked away from her. "I'm sorry... I'm just really... I'm not thinking. I wasn't thinking. I wouldn't do anything to harm her."

Cathine took her hands. "Look me in the eye. Promise me, Lorelai. Promise me you won't tamper with anything you shouldn't."

Lorelai sighed, looking into those honest brown eyes, eyes so much like Dearil's. "I promise."

***

She promised, but above-ground burial only existed to tempt grave robbers. It was a blessing; the universe wanted Lorelai to do this.

What wasn't a blessing was the man standing outside the mausoleum. Fucking Catheline must have held her suspicions and reported on them. The guard's head snapped her way, and she bolted.

"Hey!" he shouted. "What do you think you're doing?"

Every step toward her car, every step toward her front door was a knife twisting. She was leaving Dearil behind.

She went to the gathering to keep up appearances. She drank much-needed wine and ate Haitian foods even when she felt like the smallest bite of food would make her vomit. She and Catheline said nothing of their conversation, and the older woman hugged her a bit much for her liking.

The witches in the forums turned on her. They called necromancy evil and her plan foolish.

People like you are why people think so badly of us! wrote WitchBitch666. No one had any tips but MagickalShells wanted updates on her progress.

No one had done anything like this. At least, not in written history. She was completely on her own. But it wasn't the first time she did something crazy woth magic, though the forums were more help the last time.

The migraines. The vomiting. The paranoia. The way he couldn't catch his breath. Finally, the seizures. After the appointment with the neurologist, Dearil had called Lorelai crying.

Four tumors across his brain, all cancerous. Two inoperable, the structures too important and delicate.

Dearil needed her like he did when they were younger, but it wasn't enjoyable this time. The doctors estimated that he had ten months to live. They only offered to attempt to shrink the tumors with chemotherapy and "focus on his quality of life."

He slipped into a coma toward the end, and Lorelai grew desperate.

Lorelai knew little about witches. Heathens, Mama and Pedro called them. They voted for increased limitations on magic at any election - local, statewide, and nationwide. They wanted it to be outlawed entirely.

But she knew witches did things that couldn't be explained with science. Maybe science wasn't everything. So she turned to the forums.

Once a week she would rip off a fingernail with her pliers. She would sneak into Dearil's hospital room and put the fingernail under his mattress, then slice into his hand with a razor blade and draw a rune behind his ear with his blood.

Hospital staff increased security when they found the harm done to his body hand and the blood on his head, but he miraculously woke up after two weeks. He still had cancer, though, and her work wasn't done.

"You've been doing what?" he had cried when he was coherent and cognizant enough to understand, staring at the deep, angry red slash across his palm. She lunged for his hand and he stepped back. "And let me see your fucking nails!"

"Come on, you're dying," she pointed out. "What do you have to lose?"

He cringed, but they both knew she was right. So he would let her take his blood and sleep with finger and toenails under his pillow, though he shuddered to think about. She lost weight and grew pale as he regained what his mother called "bebe fat" and life returned to his eyes. The tumors shrank with each X-ray.

"You're doung this, aren't you?" asked Catheline, very seriously, and Lorelai had paled. But when the teenager bowed her head, Catheline pulled her into a hug. "Thank you, thank you, cheri. But don't kill yourself to save him."

Week eighteen. Lorelai's nails were growing back ever so slowly and terribly brittle. With two toenails left, she had to wonder what offering she would give when she ran out.

But with the next X-ray, it was announced that the boy who was supposed to be dead in mere months was in remission. He walked with a limp because of the damage the tumor did to his cerebellum, but physical therapy got that fixed up. He returned to school, behind a year, and Lorelai became fixated on influencing western medicine to adopt witchcraft, if not becoming the first doctor to use magic on her patients in the United States.

The guard was there the next night, but she made sure she wasn't seen. She linked herself to the ground and, urging him to hurry up and take a bathroom break or something. Dearin's brain was the most important thing to be kept, but the brain is one of the first things to go, ces collapsing just minutes after death. Every minute wasted waiting for this stupid guard was cellular death. Losing her Dearin.

An illusion spell. He ran to investigate the vandals kicking at tombstones and each footfall was like feet stomping on Lorelai's face. She was never so happy to feel pain though.

A spell to unlock the door would be a waste of energy. One of the runes on her chest was already seeping, and she needed to save her blood for tomorrow. She picked the lock and slipped inside as the "vandals" led the guard here and there, running him ragged.

Dearil didn't deserve to be in this house of nobodies. Name after useless name among the granite on the wall until she found a Dearil Jean-Pierre. She pried off the granite slab with her crowbar, and then the concrete under it. She dropped the concrete on her foot and puffed out her cheeks to keep in the profanities. The concrete broke in two, and she expected her throbbing toe did too.

She gripped the sides of his coffin and tugged. It took a minute to budge. Dearil wasn't very tall, and neither was Lorelai, but he was wide and heavy. Her face turned red and she grunted with effort. She jumped back as his coffin fell to the ground. It was still jammed shut, and she wished they still nailed coffins shut. She didn't know what this sealant wasade of, but it was rough.

Running out of time. Guard could come back. Hurry up.

The lid came out, and the smell. Oh god, the smell. She gagged, but it was nothing compared to when her flashlight landed on what was left of her friend.. No, that actually made her swallow back bile.

He was missing one arm, only a little mangled stub remaining in his empty sleeve, but that wasn't the problem. His face, God, his face. The left side was caved in, skin and dreadlocks torn away to reveal the gore. He didn't have much of a left eyebrow, his jaw leaned to one side with missing teeth gaping at her, and what was left of his nose was a bloody pulp with the little stud nosering glinting far from where his nostril was supposed to be. And his eyes, his gorgeous eyes... Grey-blue scleras, left eye protruding from the socket with black spots around the iris.

"Oh god, Dearil..." She rubbed her eyes, willing herself to get a grip.

This was the easy part; all she had to do was transport him. But how was she supposed to fit a 5'7", 185 pound man in an, albeit large, suitcase?

It felt so wrong undressing him. She wanted her first time seeing him nude to be consensual, but not one "yes" left his bloated lips. She tried not to look anywhere inappropriate, flushing under her mask.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she whispered as she produced the bone saw from her gym bag. She held the flashlight in her mouth as she sliced into one thigh.

Rigor mortis had passed and he was soft abd squishy, but the femur was still rock solid. It took a bit of force and then she moved to the other leg. The smell increased tenfold, and ut got even worse when she swutched ti a scalpel and sliced off strips of his wobbly, pudgy belly.

His neck was already broken and any damage could be fixed, so she pushed his chin down to his chest, avoiding looking at those glassy eyes. His remaining arm was okay to stay. It was easy to angle and wrap around his head, and she secured the limb with tape before cramming him into the plastic-lined suitcase.

She put the lid on the coffin and lifted it back into its divot. It was much lighter now, only containing clothes, flaps of skin, and two legs, and there was no evidence if tampering at first glance. She pushed the two concrete halves together and into their place on the wall, shoving the granite slab in after. They kept sliding and threatening to fall, so in the end she went around prying off and smashing dozens of slabs. With so much damage, they won't know where to start, and if they find other caskets unaffected, maybe they won't check his...

This plan was falling apart. No it wasn't. It wasn't, it wasn't!

Connecting her senses to the grounds, she found the guard outside. She held a lighter to her hand, feeling the warmth, imagining a small explosion and fire. Runes bled onto her shirt. The guard ran off to check the exosion at the other side of the graveyard, shouting. Feet trampling her face.

It was just an illusion. She wasn't one for destruction magic or vandalism. Well... The mausoleum said otherwise about vandalism, but as she walked away it was out of sight and out of mind.

She still struggled to lift Dearil into the passenger's seat of her car, having to roll the windows down to deal with the odor. She plugged her phone into the auxiliary cord and played his favorite music. She was never a fan during his life, but now she loved the sound.

She didn't go to their apartment. No, that would be far too predictable. She still had a key to Mama and Pedro's beach house, and when she checked earlier that day she found that they hadn't chamged the locks. It was only an hour's drive and she could make that to and from work, school, home without running out of gas money.

The roar of waves crashing on the shore competed with the obnoxious rumbling of a heavy wheeled suitcase on cobblestone. She got inside and turned on the lights. The table was new, very nice with polished wood. She didn't feel at all remorseful putting Dearil's odorous, leaking body on the pristine surface to operate. Preserving his brain was frst and foremost.

Face-down, his eyes didn't stare at her. She sliced around the top of his scalp, separated the skull, and then sliched straight down to his nape. She severed his optic nerves and then focused on removing the brain. The brainstem had to stay intact, so she removed the uppermost vertebrae it was attached to.

In her hands, she held Dearil's mind, the most important thing she had ever touched. Faintly grey and sagging with a chunk taken from the left. She struggled to figure out what larts were damaged the most. She reslized, with complete horror, that there wasn't musch left of Broca's area. Not his voice! I need to hear his voice! She'd have to fix that.

Wernicke's area looked okay though, so hopefully he would be able to read abd write without problem. His parietal lobe as a whole didn't look so good, and he already jad sensory issues... Hopefully it wasn't too bad.

She wished she could do an X-ray and see how the inner structures had decayed, especially his hippocampi. He needed to remember her!

Focus. She needed to focus on the task at hand. Whatever the damage was, nothing would be fixed if she just stpod there staring.

Her medical school had gotten on board with new postmortem brain preservation techniques. Liquid nitrogen, cryonics, blood substitute. The dust was mixed into the fluid in the tank, and now she allowed Dearil's brain to be submerged. She dripped fresh blood onto the rune under the tank and for just a second, the water glowed.

The human body is home to tens of trillions of microorganisms that keep you healthy. Though these populations are necessary for human survival, a single one getting out of control would be devastating. That's where the immune system comes in, suppressing overgrowth and keeping these populations in check.

But dead people have no immune system; bacteria runs rampant.

Lorai soaked a new mask in winter mint rubbing alcohol and pulled it on, and new gloves. Her goggles and apron stayed on, and sue set to work, starting the scalpel at his shoulder and ending at his breastbone. Mirror the stitch. Slice down his mutilated stomach to the start of his pelvis.

Peeling back the skin, it was clear his liver and gallbladder were no more; his insides were stained yellow-green with bile, and the winter mint did little to mask the smell of ammonia and hydrogen sulfate. She had to get rid of his stomach before the hungry microbes could do any more damage, scarcely breathing as she cracked open his ribcage and transferred internal organs to a garbage bag.

She couldn't exactly drag him outside and hose him down, so so brought him to the downstairs bathroom with the detachable shower head. He was so light now.

She rinsed him with the shower head. Water ran yellow-green, and then finally clear, though his insides still were definitely not a healthy red-pink. She wrapped him up in the fluffiest towel and brought him to the kitchen. She'd removed all the shelves in the refrigerator during her first trip to the house so she had no problems sticking Dearil's mostly empty husk inside.

And then she lit a few scented candles and went to bed.

***

The head medical examiner was a lonely older man. His wife was either dead or left him (Lorelai wasn't sure which, and she didn't care), and his only company was the corpses he sliced open. Lorelai saw the way he looked at her, eyes hungrily taking her image in. In the days after Dearil's accident, she started making moves on him even though it ft so, so wrong.

She smiled at him throughout today's shift. She washed her hair for the first time in days and let it hang lose around her face during her break. She even put on makeup, though it took a few video tutorials to get it loose.

Toward the end of her shift, she sidled up to him, whispering, "Hey, Viktor..."

He glanced at her. "Hm?"

"I'm not wearing any underwear."

He went red up to the tips of his ears.

"Come home with me," she said in a whine, fingers stroking his arm. "I'm staying at my family's summer home. I'm the only one there, all alone and sooo lonely."

"Fuck yes," he breathed.

"You ever have sex on the beach?"

"I'm getting hard just thinking about it."

She forced herself to smile instead of grimacing. "You ever been with a witch?"

"You?" His eyes widened, but then he smiled. "I bet you're magical in bed."

Ew ew ew.

"You've got that right." She placed a hand on the unmarked chest of the man on the table. His skin was the wrong shade of brown, but his hair was perfect. She already had a nose on ice that she'd taken during Viktor's break. It was a bit too dark as well, but it was just the right shape for Dearil. "How about we take this guy with us?"

Viktor recoiled. "Excuse me?"

"Come on, you said you want a magical night. Do something crazy!" she exclaimed. "You don't have to fuck him or anythibg, and we'll have him back by morning. It's not like he'll mind. It's a witch thing."

Viktor put a hand to his salt and pepper hair, eyebrows knitting together. A few emotions clouded his features before he came to a decision. "If you say so. But if we get caught this was your idea."

"Noted. But I promise you'll enjoy yourself."

He helped her wheel out the John Doe on one of the cheaper stretchers no one would miss, faces obscured by masks and a darkness spell. They stuffed the corpse into the tiny trunk of her car. Viktor pressed his lips to hers suddenly, bushy mustache scratching her. He smelled like literal death and whatever offensive oil he rubbed into his mustache so he wouldn't have to smell as much decay.

He couldn't keep his hands to himself during the whole drive, rubbing her thighs, kissong her neck, trying to unhook her bra and getting excited when he found out she wasn't wearing one. She wanted to slap his hands away, shout that her body belonged to Dearil, but this was a necessary step.

Her mind screamed but her lips purred, "Ohh, that feels so good."

He still hadn't settled down when they were taking the Doe into the house. "Talk dirty in Spanish, chica," he murmured.

"I was born in Florida," she sighed. "I don't speak that much Spanish."

"Don't you know any?"

"A bit. Do you?"

"I can say hola and count to ten," he laughed. "My Spanish classes probably ended before you were even alive. Come on, say something."

"Estas... Estas tan muerto," she said. "Eres solo, uh, um... un peón."

"That's so hot," he moaned, and she bit her cheek to keep from laughing.

Viktor's smile became a frown when they walked into the house. He set the John Doe on the table while Lorelai went and locked the door. He quickly sniffed his shirt when she wasn't looking, but the smell wasn't coming from him. And the bed in the adjacent living room was a bit of an odd choice, though he could appreciate the silk and headboard. And the ropes. This was gonna be a fun night.

Lorelai came back, a smile playing on her lips. She put a hand to his chest. "Come closer, Señor. Permítame whisper in your ear."

He leaned close, his smile tentative now. Her lups were so close they tickled him just as a sharp pain struck his neck.

"I never liked you," she whispered, pressing the needle in harder as he tried to pull away. He shoved her away and staggered back, staring at the clear fluid still in the syringe.

"What the fuck did you just do to me, you crazy bitch?" he screamed, clutching bis neck. Her smiling, round face had gone hard and cold, expression neutral.

"Oh, calm down. It's just lorazepam," she said. "They use it on unruly patients all the time. It's probably the safest injectable sedative."

Ge hit out at her but she easily dodged the sluggish attack. She pushed him down onto the bed, tying up his wrists. He still kicked his legs until she tied his ankles too. He was finally silent when she wrapped the duct tape around his head and moury several times.

"Don't look at me like that," she said, tying ger hair back. "Alexa, play Bury Me at Makeout Creek by Mitski, full album."

It's beautiful out today

I wish you could take me upstate

To the little place you would tell me about

"When you'd sense that I'd want to escape," Lorelai sang over the muffled screams and shouts, pulling on her mask, goggles, gloves, and apron. Viktor could only stare at the saws, scalpels, drills, and needles that she left on the table before she disappeared into another room.

No one could hear him scream.

[interesting-blog-name]

SLIGHTLY NEW ALBUMS I LIKED (Little Simz - GREY Area; Monsune - Tradition; Backxwash - God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It)

More loose reviews that I write and instantly want to get out of my Word document and into Tumblr without much of an overlaying theme between the albums or any planning as to which ones I’ll be releasing at which point, but it is what it is. This time I’ll be compiling some recent-ish albums I’ve enjoyed, two of which I’ve come to know from TheNeedleDrop (I try not to watch reviews before writing down my opinion btw), and one EP from an artist I like. Here it is.

Little Simz – GREY Area

Little Simz, the 26-year-old British rapper, is an artist I’ve loved the first time I heard her, when I listened to Selfish for the first time and saw her cover of Feel Good Inc. in triple-j’s Like A Version. Today, May 30th, I was planning on listening to White Chalk by PJ Harvey, but from what I read, it’s a pretty depressing album, and I’m not in the mood for that right now, so I picked GREY Area from my future listening list.

It’s really nice to hear a rap album like this once in a while. The instrumentation is organic and well thought out, her flow is amazing, and her lyrics have so much substance and personality to them, ranging from the happier, more reminiscent tone in 101 FM to the much more aggressive tracks Offence, Boss, Venom and Pressure, she’s always giving her take on life, telling the experience of what it’s like being a black person with big dreams in England, seeing friends die while she tries to go somewhere in life through music.

The main tone she picks for her self-narrative is an unapologetic view of the world around her; she tells the listener: “’til now I ain’t ever been the selfish type, ‘till now I ain’t ever told nobody no, don’t get it twisted. This shit ain’t happen overnight” in the biggest song off here, Selfish, featuring the most calming and lavish pianos and violins in this album, and an amazing feature by Cleo Sol on the hook. Pressure features an amazing batch of verses all about. Same thing with the intro, Offence, with its bold, empowering chorus; although the track comes off more playful with its cartoonish sound effects nearing the end than the raw message of the track mentioned previously. A great, high-spirited track to start off the album.

What isn’t as high-spirited is the next track, Boss, or, to be fair, almost all the other tracks in the album. Boss is a big fuck you to anyone you might dedicate the song to: the hook has Simz’s most aggressive delivery in the whole record, and the entire message is about getting over those who hurt you and coming up.  The second verse is something else.

Wounds, featuring Jamaican singer Chronixx, deals mostly with the gun/crime problem ever-so-present in marginalized communities all around the world, and she tells the story from the perspective of both herself and as a companion of the “gun man”, repeatedly mentioned in the song (“When a gun man only knows self-hate, them bullets show no love”). I’m not super crazy for Chronixx’s hook, or the much slower tempo of the track, but it fits well with the groovy instrumental. Venom, on the other hand, is a super exciting, menacing song. She goes all out over the violins playing in the background, but unfortunately, the track burns twice as bright to last half as long.

To lighten the mood a bit, 101 FM brings the most electronic instrumental, with cheerful, banging 808s and synths, and lyrics about her come up as a rapper, probably the verses where her British accent and slang dominate the most, giving them a more personal feel somewhat. Pressure doesn’t feature the most compelling instrumental or hooks in here – the Little Dragon refrain is mixed very poorly and the vocalist just doesn’t do a great job -, but the verses compensate for that, especially the first one, probably one of the most heartfelt and important ones in this album. Therapy talks about Simz’s struggles with finding comfort in therapy. The instrumental is average for the project, but still slaps, so that’s nice.

Sherbet Sunset is an ode to a broken relationship, and a theme that could be handled so poorly by other artists is handled masterfully by Little Simz. In three verses, she displays so many sides to what I assume is one relationship, so many emotions and thoughts that she shares, it really feels like she’s transcribing something of a focused, bright mind rush over the track, and it amazes me how she can reveal her feelings so well on a track like this, progressing from the regret of not seeing how it’d go wrong, to the anxiety that comes from spending all that time for seemingly nothing, to coming to terms with it in the last verse (although not quite). It’s a stunning song now that I listen to it again.

To close it all off, we have Flowers, mainly a tribute to various artists from the 27 club, with mentions of Jimi Hendrix and Amy Winehouse in the verses, trying to relate to their struggles with drug addiction and quick fame. It’s incredibly powerful and a great finisher.

I don’t dislike one track in GREY Area. It’s well conceived, a great statement, it really feels like she gives her all to make every track memorable, and even though her delivery is mostly monotone throughout the whole album, that also works to her favor, as she has a very unique and recognizable voice. So the lyrics are extremely well written, and the only reason I don’t give more examples of that is because I got a whole lot of school shit to do, the instrumental work is clean and precise, and I don’t have a whole lot to complain about. Check this shit out if you haven’t.

 FAVORITE TRACKS: 101 FM, Venom, Selfish, Offence, Boss, Pressure

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: lol nah

 8.7/10

“Why you wanna all dress lies as truth? Have you ever seen what silence do? I don’t wanna see no violent troops putting out fires that haven’t been started”

 Monsune – Tradition

Damn I did not expect to like this as much as I did.

Monsune is a Chinese-Canadian singer who has recently been gaining some popularity from his amazing song OUTTA MY MIND, which features a funky bassline and high-pitched guitar playing that some have compared to Childish Gambino, specifically his album “Awaken, My Love!”. I decided to check out this short EP by him to see if he had anything more to offer, and it’s safe to say, he does.

The first track off Tradition already shows what this guy can do with his production. It starts off with the same vibe off of his previously mentioned biggest track, but on steroids: a prominent bassline, pitch-altered backing vocals, sunny guitars, and drowned out drums. His voice is also reaching higher notes in this song than in OUTTA MY MIND, but then in the middle of the song it all slows down for a very welcome beat change that shifts the song from this summer anthem to a very chill R&B tune. It’s amazing stuff, although I don’t understand why he chose to put some very noticeable autotune in this part.

CLOUD is my least favorite from the EP, but it’s still a very solid song, it’s just not amazing. The bass is still very strong, and the bridge later on in the song is addictive as shit. After that track comes OUTTA MY MIND, and then his style completely switches in MOUNTAIN, which starts off with some solo guitar and his low, beautiful singing. It’s actually really moving for some reason lol. It then picks up in the hook, the drums kick in along with what I assume is a keyboard, and his voice reaches the top of his range for the backing vocals, it’s a very well-made song.

JADE finishes Tradition off extremely beautifully, with a smooth acoustic guitar intro over a nice-ass bass, some ethereal, trippy scenes of Monsune floating over the ocean and appearing out of thin air in front of you (probably not you, the listener). And then all of a sudden this madman screams off the top of his lungs in the middle of the track and I fucking love it.

The flaws this EP has are mostly related to the mixing, which I think can be a little too harsh in some sections such as the big breakdowns in JADE and MOUNTAIN. Plus, I know lyrics aren’t a focus on a project like this, but it would be nice to get something more than love songs in the future perhaps. Still, loving this EP, so glad I checked Monsune out. You should too.

 WORST TO BEST: CLOUDS, 1998, JADE, OUTTA MY MIND, MOUNTAIN

 8/10

“Don’t you wanna come down? Cause I’m so bored of walking on the same old sky”

 Backxwash – God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It

God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It is an album by American rapper Backxwash, who received a new wave of attention after Anthony Fantano reviewed this album in his channel and gave it a decent 8. I haven’t watched the review yet, but I was interested in checking it out because of the high score, and especially since when I looked it up on Spotify, the songs only had around 8000 views.

Dark subject themes and the whole dark trap aesthetic are the core of this album. I, personally, have always been a fan of aggressive, heavy rap music, from more underground names like gizmo and Fukkit, to the more mainstream variant of these sounds, like XXXTENTACION. This album, however, operates in somewhat of a separate lane.

Many of the dark, edgy rap I used to listen to religiously back in the day was borderline mindless. Shit about ripping someone open, hollow flexing, except separated from mainstream rap only because the rapper in question is screaming their brains out when talking about designer clothes, instead of mumbling like your average Lil Baby, and, of course, personal problems, depression, being mad about whatever it was. Unlike its other contemporaries, however, it seems Backxwash has much more thought and elaboration into what she wants to yell about. Instead of hiding behind bass-boosted rather formulaic instrumentals, she takes the more scenic route, with still very dark, but more intricate gothic beats, sampling various religious speeches and implementing them into songs about black magic and overall unhappiness. The Black Sabbath sample that opens up this album should be enough for any listener to immediately understand what they’re about to get into, as the title track brings heavy percussion and some of the most graphic lyrics in the album, which it already doesn’t lack. Lines about downing pills and vodka, contemplating suicide, and blank vocalizations of anger (“I want war with these bitches, I want corpses and weapons”).

The track that resembles an average edgy Soundcloud rap song the most is Black Magic right after, with its own interpretation of the “ay” flow, shouted with a tone reminiscent of someone like Craig Xen. The big difference comes with the much grander production, especially the growling guitars that get introduced halfway, reminding the listener of Backxwash’s skill as a producer. From what I could tell, she was responsible for the production of the tracks in here, and considering there are no vocal guests except for Malldate’s quick appearance in Into The Void, I’m assuming the features listed in the tracklist are all producer credits as well, the feature in this track being Ada Rook, providing the amazing guitar work for this song.

Spells is mixed for me. I don’t enjoy the attempted singing in the chorus, and it falls completely flat to my ears; the beat is hard as ever, but the lyrics feel slightly disconnected with each other. At one point, she’s talking about going to Hell to her mom, at the other she mentions doors opening and closing in an office and how there’s no one in some corridor, and it doesn’t go anywhere from that, with lines such as “heart is so dead with tissue” not exactly evoking any sort of emotion or imagery.

Black Sheep is the most effective song out of the first four; it seems to filter all the positive aspects of the other tracks and package them into one quick serving. The beat is chaotic and in a constant state of unrest, the lyrics are centered and aimed at various of Backxwash’s problems in life, such as her father, people who want to bring her down and put her “in line on the X and O’s”, and overall venting. After that comes a brief interlude, the first of two that don’t have much use in the album except as pallet cleansers. It’s followed by Into The Void, a track that mentions her paranoia of being harassed and possibly killed when walking around in the streets and the deli. It’s haunting, and definitely the best song in here; it is laser-focused in the exact way I wished the previous tracks would be. Her vocal delivery is extremely expressive, and she tells the story in a way that gives the listener a brief, but at the same time immense glimpse of the reality that trans people face and have to go through, in a morbid fashion.

Adolescence is very short and eases the pace a bit after the intense emotions of the last. It’s a message to her younger brother that quickly descents into a confession of her inner struggle, mentioning possible overdoses and being too old for the 27 Club and fearing going to therapy. What’s great about this song is the fact that, even in such a short amount of time and with a less explosive instrumental, Backxwash manages to evoke her emotions so well; this is definitely what she does best in this record, and it overcomes the times where her delivery is flawed and her words are slurred and hard to understand. After this comes Amen, and holy fuck is this an angry song. Criticizing the hell out of the church, Backxwash comes at greedy pastors and their irresponsible spending when the churchgoers who support him are in need. My big problem with this song is the fact that the hook, as impassionate as it is, doesn’t do much for the subject, and the verse is way too short to have any impact with its theme. Lines like “these politicians politicking” don’t help much either.

The very distorted second interlude, Heaven’s Interlude, takes us to the last track, Redemption, the least intense song in here, which is appropriate as a sendoff. She expresses her frustrations towards her dad’s frustrations towards her being trans, and while the entire sentiment of the song is great and well formulated, I can’t find a way around the lines “Fuck these fucking boomers, fuck these fucking losers. Fuck theses motherfucking fuckers in their fucking two truck. Fuck these fuck(sic)abusers, and fuck these fucking rumors.”, they just emanate Limp Bizkit energy.

God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It is a very passionate, real, well produced and well-conceived album; it bears themes that are immensely important to be brought to the music scene, and by mixing that message with its explosive and polished production, it amplifies it a ton. However, as powerful as her deliveries are, I believe Backxwash can go much further with her songwriting and song structuring in the future, as well as her intonation, because that was really all that was keeping this album from being legendary. If she can do more of this in songs that are longer and super focused around whichever topic she decides, she can make something legendary. And thank God she got reviewed by Fantano, I hope she can take this opportunity and make something huge out of this.

 FAVORITE TRACKS: Into The Void, Black Sheep, God Has Nothing to Do With This Leave Him Out of It, Adolescence, Black Magic

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: Spells

 7.7/10

“Chosen one, sad bitch, lowest scum. Coldest, huh, black sheep talk to ‘em. If the situation changed I would have said the same shit, exactly the same.”

[popscenery]

Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit, »Hope the High Road«

by Melanie Killingsworth

The colloquial definition of ‘crazy’ should include ‘puts song on repeat for twelve hours while lying maybe this time it’ll cure the insomnia.’

I spent much of 2017 in what I then called ‘a tough time’ and I now realise was a depressive episode futilely fighting off a breakdown years in the making. (Apparently, ‘breakdown’ isn’t the medically-accepted terminology anymore, but that’s what the opening of “Hope The High Road” calls it and that’s sure as hell what it feels like, so the line stays.) June 2018, after fighting had turned flailing turned catastrophic nothing, at the exact time I needed it, I heard The Nashville Sound. It played through again and again, giving language to heart palpitations and pain, admonishing me to relate to others with compassion, reminding me to forgive others and myself.

We always found things at ‘the right time’ in retrospect, of course, as we search for a lens through which to make arbitrary timings and events make sense. But had I listened when it debuted, the dark fog would have given me familiarity without understanding. When I finally heard it a year after its release, I was ready for The Nashville Sound’s epistolary, country-meets-rock-and-roll, brutally honest insistently hopeful theology. The lyrics explore inherited struggles, anxiety, alcohol and drugs and subsequent sobriety, aftermaths of breakups and paralysing self-doubt, bittersweet nostalgia and painful growth. The album as a whole examines changing ideas and values, how bad events and good people challenge you, and privilege with a nod to intersectionality.

I swear this isn’t my roundabout way of talking about my favourite album of the decade (a four-way tie between Janelle Monáe’s Metropolis entries and By The Way I Forgive You), but because of its structure, you need the album to fully understand the song. Usually a big, anthemic track is spot two or three for commercial reasons, but “Hope The High Road” is at the end, where it works better thematically and dramaturgically. The Nashville Sound funnels the listener into “Hope” to tie off preceding anguish, anger, success, political turmoil and personal admissions before the soft closer “Something to Love.” Itself a retrospective, “Hope” encompasses all things small and personal, global and political, from the songs before it:

Opener “Last of My Kind” sets up “Hope’s” refrain with Daddy said the river would always lead me home amongst lines of loss and loneliness

I’ve heard enough of the white man’s blues reminds us it’s still a “White Man’s World”

I just want you in my arms again echoes the need to hold your hand from “If We Were Vampires” 

I know you’re tired and you ain’t sleeping well confirms “Anxiety” doesn’t magically disappear; even with my lover sleeping close to me / I'm wide awake and I'm in pain 

“Hope The High Road” could easily accomplish this recap with furore and pessimism, but instead follows a grand tradition of bands from all genres urging listeners to go on. Isbell acknowledges pain and injustice, affirms those of us breaking down (whether from personal, chemical, political, or all-of-the-above causes), but insists despite it all there’s love, forgiveness, even happiness.

We'll ride the ship down Dumping buckets overboard There can't be more of them than us There cannot be more

Isbell repeating the line is telling; he believes it, but must continually convince himself and us. There can’t be more of them . . . it would be not only unjust, but too overwhelming to consider. Crucially, the answer is not empty assurance “it’ll be ok” but assertion fighting is worthwhile. 

Though the song opens in first-person, the narrator avoids naming addressees. “I ain’t fighting with you down in the ditch” is cutting but broadly aimed, generous enough to open the listener up to taking it onboard. The person he won’t stoop to the level of could be someone specific he won’t publicly identify, someone generic in the political audience, multiple people he won’t stoop to the level of. It is, of course, all of the above. 

How much in the last decade have we been simultaneously uninspired and mad as hell, blindly furious while feeling nothing creative or positive, with no idea where to put our righteous anger and no energy to carry out a plan even if we could conceptualise one? “Hope” acknowledges these seemingly insurmountable dichotomies. We’re complicated creatures in a fucked-up world, but we can still find our way, hoping even when that’s all we can do.

If I’m making the song seem platitudinal, go listen; reading about song lyrics is empty without hearing the musical wrappings. Isbell puts grit in his vocal instrument – especially noticeable as the tracks immediately before and after are soft ballads – to convey both anger at systemic injustice and the strength needed to face it. He isn’t afraid to work clichés into his art as mantras, a lifeline thrown repeatedly until we can believe. 

Never be embarrassed of things which are true and beautiful simply because they’re earnest and straightforward. 

On “If It Takes A Lifetime” Isbell sings “a man is the product of / all the people that he ever loved / and it don’t make a difference how it ended up.” Whoever you are, however this decade has been for you, whatever we are or were or will be to each other: I hope the world gets better and we’re part of the fight to make it so. I hope we sleep better next decade than we did this. I hope we sharpen our weapons to fight injustice and 3AM anxiety. I hope we find someone who understands us when we don’t know how to covey what we need, and that we accept they’ll never be able to solve all our problems but we can face them, anyways. I hope we become inspired, take the high road, and find, if not peace, solace. Whatever happens, in making it through this decade, we’ve won.

[wevegottogetaway]

The one where the night turns sour but then it turns sweet

Y/n’s kitchen is a mess. Pots and pans queuing up to be washed. Crumbs from her morning toast lingering on countertops. Veggies peelings from her infamous zucchini/ground beef lasagna she’d made for lunch still hanging out on the cutting board. But no matter how bad the battlefield in her kitchen, y/n herself is an even bigger mess. A proper wreck she would say if she wasn’t so absorbed by the problem at hand. Pacing her small apartment, phone clutched by her ear, she is one nerve away from having a mental breakdown.

She doesn’t have the time to take care of the deplorable state of her kitchen though. Not when her boss is scolding her like some punk kid caught stealing from the till, about a work catastrophe that she didn’t even cause. And that’s without saying that it’s fucking Sunday past 6pm and her best friend Harry is meant to be arriving anytime soon (the thought makes her hiss each time she so much as glimpses at the pile of dishes still dwelling besides the sink). It’s been a good 30 minutes since the screaming had started now, but y/n has yet to get a word in edgeways. Instead she silently implores her boss to stop swamping her with his unrelenting fury for both her sanity’s sake and the fact she’s expecting company. 

"This is unacceptable y/n, your stunt just might have put our most precious client’s account in jeopardy and you aren’t even present to fix this fucking mess." Of course I’m not present you dumbass, it’s Sunday she wants so desperately to yell back. She will most certainly get fired if she levels her tone to her boss’ though, so she takes a long breathe and answers in the most put-together voice she can muster.

"Mr Griffith, I still have Mr Nicholson’s file on my computer. I promise I will do all that’s in my power to rectify this situation." Technically it’s not her concern. She knows she didn’t do anything wrong, but she’s fairly new to the company and fairly young and in today’s society that fairly accounts to having to prove yourself. Maybe saving the day will be the small push she needs for her hard work to get legitimate recognition. 

"If it’s not fixed by tomorrow 10am you’ll regret ever footing step in my company y/n."

"Duly noted Mr Griffiths, enjoy the rest of your week-end," she retorts before hanging up. It is probably way to abrupt as a farewell, but y/n feels like her ears would have started bleeding had she not cut it short. Shoulders hunching in a dejected manner, she merely has the time to reach the kitchen before her doorbell rings. 

"It’s open!" she says barely loud enough.

Then Harry serenely strides in, having already discarded his coat in the closet by the front door. As soon as he takes in her sight though, he knows something’s wrong. It’s not so much that y/n is an open book (the first time they met he thought she was quite the enigma), but Harry likes to think he’s been around long enough by now, to be well versed in decoding y/n’s kinetics. So instantly he recognizes the stiffness in her posture, can discern her usual in-thoughts frown from the migraine one she’s wearing right now, and already forecasts some kind of bad news just by the way she’s fiddling with her fingers. 

"’S wrong, love?" he inquires with concern, and y/n absolutely hates that she’s about to put a damper on his night too. Loathes it even because of how soft he looks, standing a few feet from her, wearing a cozy navy blue jumper. His cheeks are slightly pink-tinted from the sharp weather raging outside, and she can tell he refrained from taking her hands in his when he voiced is worry because he knows they’d feel like icicles on her skin at the moment. Y/n sighs as she finally plunges her tired eyes in his shining emerald ones.

"God, I’m so sorry Harry, you have no idea how much I want to just hang out with you but something came up at work and-"

"At work? But it’s Sunday!" he cries out somewhat indignantly.

"Trust me, I know… But apparently there was a huge screw-up and now the office is in some kind of uproar, my boss is this close to kicking my butt out of the company and now I have to fix it-" Y/n explains frantically. She’d surf on the wave of anger during the phone call with her boss but now that she’s off the adrenaline high, she’s just a massive bundle of nerves ready to implode. 

Lowering her head in her hands defeatedly, she flinches at the sudden contact of Harry’s freezing hands on her arms (just like he’s predicted but he decides the moment really calls for it). "Slow down, angel. Can’t be working yourself up, ’s bad fo’ your ‘ealth. ‘Sides, I’m sure we can work summat out" he adds while rubbing his thumbs over her shirt soothingly. Y/n then tilts her head back up and makes eye-contact once again as she paces her breathing in long inspirations. Once she’s recuperated, she brings her own hands under Harry’s forearms and gives him a morose smile.

"I really need to do this Harry, I don’t have much choice." Seeing how distraught she looks, Harry simply nods and swallows his disappointment. "I don’t know how long it’s gonna take, I have to make a few phone calls and that might be all there needs to be…or it might take the whole night. I don’t know, we can raincheck or if you want to wait around for a bit… It’s up to you." She knows it’s not fair to keep him around if she’s gonna spend the next few hours rubbing elbows with her computer and her phone instead of him. She knows she should let him go for the night and reschedule but she misses him so much. They haven’t seen each other in a while and, well, y/n’s heart always has a mind of its own when it comes to Harry (against her better judgement). So instead she leaves it to his choice.

He doesn’t have to think twice before agreeing though. "‘Course, love. I got nothin’ to do anyway so might as well do nothin’ ‘ere." 

He makes it sound like it’s whatever, but truth is, he’s been looking forward to this for days. The last couple of weeks have been filled with so many work commitments and deadlines to meet, now that he has the next few off he’s just yearning for a casual night of take away, rom coms and cuddles if he’s lucky. And maybe his resilience has also something (a lot) to do with the pang lashing out at his heart at the thought of postponing their reunion. He won’t relay that information to her though.

"How ‘bout you go ‘head an’ do what it is you need to do, and I, can go buy some sweet an’ sour chow mein from that Chinese place ya always raving about?" he offers softly.

"It’s okay Harry you don’t have to do that, you’re supposed to be enjoying your time off, not run other people’s errands."

"No, none o’ that, angel. It’s no bother, I promise" he reassures her. "That way we’ll have more time for a movie or summat." 

Typically, y/n wouldn’t give up that easily. She can be quite a stubborn feisty little thing when pushed too far. However, tonight she’ll have to pick her battles if she wants to have all her wits to clean her colleague’s goddamn mess. So she lets out a small ‘fine’ and drops her arms back at her sides. Harry gives her one last smile for moral support before he’s turning back towards the front door. As she hears him shuffling his coat and boots back on, she bites back a small smile of her own. She’s really lucky to have him, she thinks, not for the first time. All the more reasons to keep her blossoming feelings in a secret box, never to be opened by a certain 6 foot curly-haired British brunette who wears his heart on his sleeve and never fails to make her feel warm. 

The sound of the door shutting is what pulls her out of her trance, before she despondently makes her way to her coffee table where lays her laptop and cellphone. Bracing herself for the upcoming crusade awaiting her, y/n puts her work glasses on and gets down to business with a small glimmer of hope that her night will end as originally planned. 

When Harry comes back — not only holding dinner but also bearing a family-size package of M&M’s (he knows it’s her guilty pleasure and he thinks she really deserves it tonight) — the first thing he hears is y/n’s stern but diplomatic voice. He never really gets to witness this side of her, all professional and ‘takes no shit from nobody’ attitude, so he’s a little curious when he finally makes his way to her living room. And well, God helps him if he doesn’t find sweet y/n pacing her place head high, shoulders back and fiery eyes, to be really hot. Quite the contrast to her usually warm and relaxing aura, but still, the pang in his chest resumes with greater intensity. 

"Mr Nicholson, your reluctance to further collaborate with Lyon Investment Factor is absolutely understandable considering we’ve played a part in the precarious situation that just transpired. I fully acknowledge the newfound mistrust you might feel towards our company, but if I may point out to you - and with all the respect that I owe you - despite its misstep, Lyon Investment has demonstrate its ability to operate quickly in the face of a critical emergency."… "Mr Nicholson,  I was hoping the past 24 hours would have comforted you with the knowledge that you can rely on our company to deflect any other foreseeable complication that may occur."…"Thank you Mr Nicholson. This goes without saying that I offer you my most sincere apologies on the behalf of Lyon Investment."

Harry thinks she’s genius. Using the very own mistake of the company to show its impeccable response to crisis and problem-solving abilities…that is downright brilliant. A really coup de maître of sure. Whilst it’s true they fucked up, they (or more like y/n) also managed to efficiently resorb the problem at hand. Mr Nicholson’s company is not in any harm’s way anymore, all thanks to her fighting long and hard to right the wrong that had been done. Harry’s heart is bursting with pride and awe as y/n smoothly wraps the phone call up, comforting Mr. Nicholson times and times again to rest assured that Lyon Investment wouldn’t let anything bad happen to his company.

It’s only once she half-throws away her phone on the couch that y/n takes in Harry’s return. She’s usually really good at sensing his presence but the last 30 minutes drained her to the bone. He looks even softer if it’s even possible. Head tilted on the side as if he’d been observing her this all time, he seems somewhat thoughtful. And for a few one too many seconds they just gaze at each other and bask in the silence. Then Harry finally breaks the intensity with a soft chuckle and a smile.

"Jesus, angel, ya look like ya need a hug," he says while putting the bags of food on the kitchen counter.

"Ugh. I’ll be honest, not my best night so far."

"Good thing I’m ‘ere to make it all better then. I even gotcha M&M’s to end things on a sweet note. Know ya can resist ‘em," he proudly announces and y/n might as well turn into to a puddle as his feet with how sweet he is. Sweeter than the stupid candy without a doubt.

"God, Harry you’re the best. I’m so glad you decided to stay" she admits while getting close to him. She could really use a hug, he knows her so well. And a hug it is, as she doesn’t even need to say anything before he engulfs her between two strong arms and a soft chest. Reveling in the feeling of his hands running down her back supportingly, she just breathes him in the most inconspicuous way she can. She doesn’t know it, but he does just the same.

"You work so ‘ard, angel. I’m so proud o’ you." The sentiment makes her smile in his neck, and when she leans back out of his embrace and takes a look at him, she thinks her night is not totally ruined. 

"Thank you Harry, it means a lot" more than you know, she could add. 

Finally ready to let the festivities begin, they are then making their way to the kitchen. Harry helps pulling out the plates and cutlery since by now he’s just as familiar with her kitchen as she is (despite it being a few months since the last time they did something at hers). 

"So, what ‘appened at the office that they had you kickin’ asses on a Sunday evenin’?" Harry asks while serving them both some of the sweet and sour he’s bought. 

"Barely kicked anyone’s ass" she grumbles. "If anything, I’d be lucky not to get mine kicked tomorrow at work."

"Didn’t sound like it. You were so…" Harry starts saying as he tries to find the right words, "…confident and intransigent when I ‘eard ya on the phone." She smiles once again at the dripping fondness in his voice. 

Plates in hands, they revert back to the living room and make themselves comfortable on the sofa, cautiously sitting not too close but not too far either from each other.

"Nah, you just caught me when I was tired, frustrated and frankly? angry. I’m just glad I didn’t go ballistic on him…then we would have truly lost Mr Nicholson and this time it would have been entirely my fault," she says before shoving a piece of sweet and sour pork in her mouth.

"Wait, you mean you ‘ad nothin’ to do with what ‘appened?"

Y/n lets out a long sigh at Harry’s confusion. First, because yes, technically she could have stepped out of the problem — though her boss could probably care less about her innocence in the matter — and just enjoy her Sunday evening as arranged. Second, because somehow she knows Harry will disapprove. He already thinks she’s working to hard and despises her office for not acknowledging how absolutely brilliant she is (granted, he’s probably a bit more than biased on the subject). 

Now that he asked though, she can’t get out of it. "Technically speaking? No. I was the one investigating Mr Nicholson’s new investors and when I noticed something odd with one of them, I wrote a note on the file so that Shirley would take matters into her own hands. When I came by her office to pass on the file though, she was distant and barely listened or looked at me. I mean you know how she’s always been with me…" Harry slowly nods as he recalls many a night  where y/n would rant to him about Furie Shirley whose only purpose is apparently to turn her time at the office into her own personal purgatory. "I still told her about the note, but apparently she failed to do something about it because next thing we know, Mr Nicholson’s account is missing a few pennies." 

"Jesus y/n, why dyou go through all that stress ‘f you weren’t even responsible for it?" Harry does’t understand. Is it because her kindness is so, that she couldn’t say no to those who need her help? He’s seen that happen quite a few times in his time with y/n. Once they’d been walking to the cinema when some old lady asked y/n if she could watch her dog while she was grocery shopping. They’d waited for over 30 minutes outside the store and barely made it in time for the movie… It was just one of those things that made her y/n and that always left Harry endeared. 

"I just…Harry you don’t understand how hard it is to make a place of my own in that office. I’m young and new, and people are still not completely trusting my competences…so yeah, sometimes I have to go the extra mile to show them; make them see that I deserve to be there, because I love my job and I worked hard to get in that company in the first place. But I’ll be damned if I don’t put my whole in what I do, it’s the only way I’ll get recognition for it. I just owe it to myself." 

At this point they’re both facing each other on the couch, food abandoned on the coffee table. There’s a pregnant pause but none of them are willing to put an end to it. Y/n, because she’s trying to decipher what’s going on in Harry’s head, her eyes going back and forth between the two of his. Harry, because, well, the butterflies in his chest are so strong he can’t act like a functional human being right now. She’s just so beautiful: chapped lips, disheveled hair, eyes circled with exhaustion and all. She’s the cutest mess he’s ever seen and he can feel his heart winning over his reason. Can’t resist the magnetic pull he’s always experienced when near her. Can’t stand by his initial inhibition anymore.

Ever so slowly as to not set her off, he leans in, lips slightly opened because breathing through his nose is too complicated of a task at the moment. He’s got the smallest frown like a remote part of him realizes what he’s about to do and braces itself for the aftermath. He comes to a halt millimeters from her lips as a silence way to give her one last out, but when her own lips part to let a shaky breathe out, he just closes the infinitesimal distant remaining between the two of them.

Then it’s just lips tenderly waltzing to an unchained melody of unraveling secrets and muted feelings set free. The kiss is a silent conversation between two relieved souls who can finally be unconditionally honest with each other. Harry can’t believe it’s really happening as he cups her jaw in his hand, thumb delicately brushing over her cheek. As soon as their lips made contact he’d closed his eyes to fully soak up the moment. He just can’t get enough. He loves the softness of her skin under his fingers, the feel of her irregular breathing against his face and the way her hands have moved to rest around his neck and clutch at his sweater. He’s never felt more connected to her in that moment. 

Alas, every good thing has to come to an end, and all living beings need to breathe. Reluctantly so, they both lean back an inch playing with the idea of going for a repeat, before coming to the realization of what that kiss means. The shift that will undeniably result from it and the necessity for them to talk it out. Harry decides he should speak first since he was the one to initiate it all. 

"Umm, I’m sorry…but not really" he finally says huskily with swollen lips and flushed cheeks (and this time the weather has nothing to do with it).

That’s enough to break the tension as they both start laughing softly, foreheads touching. After their laughters die down Harry gives a small push to her head, to which y/n responds with one of her own. Her mind feels fuzzy, her self-control slipping away bit by bit. She can’t tone down the smile that’s tickling her eyes, can’t prevent the goosebumps from erupting all over her body and can’t get her fingers to stop fidgeting. She’s taking comfort in the fact that Harry’s not doing much better body language wise.  

"You kissed me" she states after clearing her throat. 

"I did." 

"Sooo, what was that all about?" she inquires quietly but still beaming. He chuckles at that, desperately trying to find a way to buy himself time in order to formulate a proper answer; one that conveys how much he likes her without scaring her off.

"Well, we get on really good, don’ we? From the beginnin’. An' it’s like, you became really important to me so fast, an’ I value our friendship. So much, angel. An’ because o’ that, I could never get myself to make a move because the worst case scenarios always ou’weighed the best one. I just couldn’t, an’ still can’t afford to lose ya."

Y/n is amazed. First because his words are music to her ears. It’s what she’s been craving to hear from him for months. Second, because she’s never seen Harry quite so…shy. After confessing his feelings, he looks down at his lap as if still not a 100% convinced that she reciprocates the sentiment. So y/n gingerly takes his hands in her, threading her fingers between his.

"Harry…I don’t think I could ever cut ties with you. Feelings or not." Realizing how that may sound, she adds frantically. "Not that I don’t have feelings for you, because I do." She pauses. "I really do."

There was a rawness in her voice that wasn’t there seconds before. Now it’s her turn to feel the weight of months of secrets taken off her shoulders. And when she feels him squeezing her hands and takes in the radiant smile on Harry’s features, she thinks this is the right this to do. 

It seems Harry’s confidence has returned as well, if the small smirk making it’s way on his face is anything to go by.  Then he’s wrinkling his nose and slowly shaking his head from side to side. "Damn, we’re just bloody idiots, aren’t we." 

"Apparently so, yeah" y/n answers before they start giggling in unison. 

"So, where do we go from there?" she asks once they settle back in a more serious mood.

"An’ where ’s it that we are, darling?" Well, not serious per se for Harry who’s apparently still hanging on the banter.

"Ugh, Harry you’re a pain."

"Ohhh, so 3 minutes ago you were kissin’ the hell out o’ me an’ now I’m a pain? Can’t find the logic in tha’, love."

"What?! I wasn’t kissing the hell out of you! And may I remind you, you started kissing me, not the other way around."

"’S right, love. I kissed you heaven, ‘cause ya were just too damn beautiful." She can’t help the blush coloring her cheeks, as she listens to his charming words. "The way I see it, I like you, an’ ’t seems like you like me back…so let’s just be together an’ see where it goes. No pressure, no expectations. Just what feels right, ‘kay? An’ no more hiding what we feel from the other. An’ I got unlimited access to your lips"

"Yeah okay, I think I could live with that." Y/n answers before kissing him again.

This time there is more playfulness involved; they know this will be far from the last. Hands are also more curious and less hesitant as they tug at hair and jaws, and just overall roam the new surface they were given to explore. It gets to the point where their smiles are getting in the way, but they have a hard time parting anyway. They are just basking in the kind of moment where wishful thinking becomes tangible reality and the longing for mutual affection is finally sated. 

When they finally lean away with unsteady breaths, they are still grinning like fools. Then their eyes align and they are struck by the two fold nature of the moment. Everything has changed whilst everything is the same. They hold the same adoration for each other, share the same kind of banter, use the same techniques for moral support (this isn’t the first sweet and sour emergency procedure Harry has had to perform). And yet, they now flaunt smiles wide enough to annoy bystanders, transparent eyes that no longer hold mystery and unrestrained movements led by the simple desire to be closer to the other.

"Wanna watch a movie then?" Harry asks absentmindedly as he's caressing her cheek.

"Think I wanna go for something more stimulating actually." That draws back his full attention faster than she can say ‘hands off mister'. She wants to wipe the smugness off his face (tough she secretly loves it), but decides she can beat him at his own game as she leans forward until her lips are brushing the tip of his ear. "I’d rather kick your ass at Scrabble again if you don’t mind."

And really Harry wasn’t expecting that and he has to close his eyes and pinch at his nose to rein himself back in. "That was one time, love. You beat me one time. By 5 points. An’ I was down wit’ the flu. Besides, wit’ the stunt you just pulled I wonder whose ass needs reshaping…" He counters while taking a bite of his own at her earlobe. 

"Behave, Styles." 

"Yes ma’am" he obeys but not without leaving a tender kiss to her neck. "So, you get the game, I get us tea?"

"Atta boy" y/n can’t help but teasing before dismounting the couch and heading for her living room closet.

30 minutes later, they are both sitting, facing each other on the floor, sides resting on the front of the couch. The Scrabble board is wedged between their legs, half completed and it’s y/n’s turn to place her letters. She’s got a giant smirk on her face that Harry has yet to notice in his imperturbable concentration. He’s determined to prove her wrong, she knows. Y/n has always found his competitive nature to be quite adorable. Especially when things are not looking in his favor and he gets that deep frown on his face and maybe even pouts a little if he’s trying to impress a certain someone in that moment. 

That’s why once he finally looks up at her, his face changes color radically. There is no doubt she’s onto something, and by the look of it, her next move might be signing his defeat.

"Nuh uh, you don’t ‘ave a Bingo." It’d be the only reason for such a reaction on her part. He just knows her so well.

"Oh what was that again Mister Scrabble King? I’m sorry, I got distracted because, I, have a Bingo, all thanks to that S you just put down. Amazing, no?" All the while, she starts putting her letters down sporting a shit-eating grin. Harry doesn’t know what to say as his eyes fall on the songbird she’s just spelt, so he pouts just like she knew he would. 

"’S fine, sweetheart, just givin’ you a head start. Don’t want the defeat to hurt too bad." He’s such a sore loser, but that’s no flash news for y/n. She’s quite use to it actually, and has learnt by now to just roll her eyes.

"Sure thing, Styles, sure thing. Just play if you can’t except defeat."

They keep playing, sipping tea every now and then, y/n watching him like hawk over the rim of her mug. Because she knows he’s planning mischief. He’s playing far too innocent and being far too okay with the fact he’s only got two of her three-digit score. 

It happens merely ten minutes later. Y/n is pondering over her choices, she’s got letters do spell both rate and tear but she can’t decide what’s best. (She can’t figure out that double and triple letter score nonsense like Harry does. He just always placing 2 letters in odd places that give him 34 points in one go, while she wastes her gray matter away trying to come up with seven-letter words just to end up with 12 points. It’s infuriating, really.)

The place has been eerily quiet for the past few minutes and with that thought she pauses her internal debate. It’s been quiet for too long. When she looks up at Harry, he’s sporting the same smirk she was a few moments ago. 

"What?" she asks incredulously. "What!?"

"Got a bingo, darling." And really, she hates it when he calls her that because he always uses it in a patronizing tone (always meant for teasing, it goes without saying). 

For a moment, y/n is overcome by the same feeling of discontent she’s had to deal with at the beginning of the evening. She really thought she was about to beat him this time. Now if he wins, she’ll be twice as bummed because she would have been so close and Harry will never let her live this down. Instead he’ll be constantly raving about how no-one can beat him at Scrabble even the strongest of contenders (and y/n sure is one of them, even he will admit)

But then Harry starts laying down the letters on the board and she has to blink twice to make sure she’s reading right. Damn, this is a first. She never thought he would revert to this.  

"Um, Harry?" He hums in acknowledgement. "That’s not a word."

"Sure is, pet. I use it all the time." He answers so nonchalantly, like everything is normal and he’s just so right about this. 

"Alright. Use it in a sentence then." He looks up at her with the same smirk.

"Throwin’ me under the bus, love? ’S not very nice. I didn’t question you when you nailed ya bingo." She’s seeing right through his stall-the-conversation game though.

"That’s because I had an actual word, you ass!" She exclaims outrageously. However, her smile hasn’t vanished from her face, because this means she’s still winning. He’s just being a sneaky little shit about it, is all. "Come on Styles, I wanna hear you use that stupid word of yours!"

"Damn, you’re a lioness tonight. Didn’ know I outta bring me some bodyguard to save me from your claws." Once he sees the deadpanned look she’s giving him, he puts on a fake thinking face, right hand around his chin and left arm crossed over the other. "Fine, let’s see… Hum…I…"

"Harry" y/n says in a stern voice. She can’t believe he’s still trying to get out of this.

"This situation is grootling? I am grootled?" He can’t even take himself half-seriously, knowing he was busted the moment she first read it. As they share a look, they’re like two pressure-cookers on the edge of explosion: eyes creased and cheeks puffed out from trying to rein in the fit of laughter that is begging to be relieved. 

There’s no avoiding it though, boisterous cackles filling up the room, it feels like a massive relief for y/n. Relief from the work pressure she could still feel in her joints. Relief because she wouldn’t change the night for the world. Relief for the fact that Harry’s still her best-friend and can still make her laugh harder than anyone ever. Relief at the thought that she’s found her person. One that supports her in every thing she does no matter what; that is there for casual (at least in her book) Scrabble games but who doesn’t shy away when she’s at a vulnerable point and needs someone to hold the pieces back together. 

So without a care, she crosses the game board, completely disrupting the pieces, and kisses him. Knees against his thigh and fingers messily tangled in his hair, she presses her soft lips to his with vibrant intention and Harry, albeit surprised, is embracing her blazing affection to the fullest. Circling her waist with one arm to bring her down and forward on his lap and carefully holding her neck with his other hand, he surrenders himself to the warmth and pleasure running thought his bloodstream. All too willingly succumbs to the flames licking at his heart and tingling the tips of his fingers. And lets his instinct guide him through the kiss, as he pours his feeling into it unabashedly. 

After making their lungs starve for oxygen once again, they break the kiss in one last giggle. 

"So, if only for future anecdote purposes, what does grootle mean?" Y/n asks before capturing her lower lip between her teeth. The game is screwed now, pieces all over the place except on the board; but she doesn't regret screwing it up herself even when she was that close to finally shut his bragging cake-hole. She’d rather do it with her lips anyway.

"Fuck, gimme a mo’ angel. Just kissed me breathless, an’ this time ’s true." A blush immediate creeps up her cheeks at his words, so she dives and hides her face on the crook of his neck. The action has him chuckling as he runs his hand up and down her back and thinks of his next answer.

"Ya see, grootle is a fascinating word. Can be an adjective, like in ‘I’m so fucking grootle to have you, I can’t believe you’re lettin’ me be yours’. But it can also be a verb as in ‘you’re amazing an’ I wanna grootle the shit out of you’ if ya know what I mean," he adds with a smirk and raises his eyebrows twice flirtingly. 

"God, you’re such a dork, Harry." 

"Just shut up and come kiss your dork." He simply answers while pulling her to his lips and y/n thinks she’s had worst nights.

➪ Masterlist

[violetsystems]

#personal

I think life would worry me more if weird weeks consistently ended on a sour note.  As far as weird weeks go, this week was pretty strange.  Between my home and my office is still a bit of an adventure.  I live in a major city that the news always complains is shrinking.  If you were to survey the psychic war of personal space at any given time you’d see different results.   But we live in a society.  More so I live in America in a city as close to Gotham as it gets.  If you wanted to drill down to the essence of the terms, I’m about as incel as it gets.  Except I’d just tell you I’m celibate by choice.  Why I’ve chosen to refrain from intimacy for years isn’t something people really want to listen to.  Surprisingly I have lashed out at society any number of times on my commute.  Not unlike Robert Pattinson’s shirts people are often “on my dick” in the parlance of our times.  Most of this I’ve begun to realize is better to ignore than react to.  I look scary when I’m angry.  At least I see myself that way.  Twisted and scrunched up in pain.  I’m more like the hulk.  My secret is that I am always in pain.  I’m too tired from core strength training and yoga to give a fuck.  The penultimate hipster.  A smug left leaning liberal with a conscience.  I wouldn’t argue with any of those by definition.  But people who’ve come to know me here understand it’s not so simple.  The more patience you develop the more problems you are aware enough of to avoid.  I wrote a Nike survey for their training app the other day.  I described how pleased I was that it gave me the confidence to quit the gym.  A gym that I noted in the survey where I experienced constant sexual harassment and intimidation.  Ironically a summer later focusing on soccer routines in my apartment got me in better shape physically than I’ve ever been.  And yet here I am.  Lonely old man on the internet.  Lonely old handsome man on the internet.  I’m not trying to hit on anyone.  No new friends.  I write these mostly for my friends and the people I care deeply about.   The results used to be mostly apparent online.  These days it bleeds into the streets I walk daily.  Sometimes that is very hard to interpret but it’s easier when I’m open to receiving it.   People have heavy expectations on me.  This I’m fine with.  We live in a society after all.  And yet there are often times I want to lash out.  Mostly these days there are times I draw the line and set the boundaries.  I’m mad as hell and can’t take it anymore.  And my resistance to things looks far different than that of a Joker or even a Batman.  But I’m still just like you.  Often horny but never inappropriately so.  At least not in public.  That’d be fucked up.  And yet we still live in a society where men feel bothered by that very concept.  Their libidos enslaved and their expectations denied.  Who entitled these clowns to anything?  It’s called involuntary celibacy for a reason.  What makes people uncomfortable is the modern white male heterosexual’s expectation for sex.  Therein lies a problem to be engineered and solved in your life not a complete mental fucking breakdown.  This is why we can’t have nice things.  Thank you Mr. Incel.

My longest relationship lasted a decade.  It ended in a complex ball of fire where I crash landed in total ash.  There were times when it was amazing.  I don’t think I would have put so much into it at the time if it weren’t.  Never want to go back to that particular shit ever again.  But for whatever reason from there I spent a long time blaming myself.   Mostly feeling sorry for myself and drinking alone.  That evolved into drinking alone on the other side of the planet in places like Korea and Japan.  Then I definitely decided to quit drinking.  A decade later I’m pretty much a virgin again.  Whatever the fuck that means really.  It doesn’t make me any different from anybody else.  I’ve liked a girl for what seems like forever.  But it’s only been this last year where I saw myself in any sort of orbit.  If society is already so claustrophobic I often just want to be silent and alone.  People who can’t stand to be alone often hate themselves secretly.  I’ve been there.  The lowest possible place you could be for a single white heterosexual male.  I’m sure some of my audience revels in those kinds of statements.  Serves the straights right you know.  I ain’t mad at you.  Why should I be.  It’s mostly those communities that have voiced the most valuable criticisms about toxic masculinity.  And yet however good I am there’s still people out there who can’t stand to see me winning.  That’s called saving face.  And I guess the joker does it with a shit ton of clown makeup.  I do it with a daily moisturizer for oily skin.  It is true that society as a whole shares the blame.  So instead of lashing out why not just drop out of society entirely.  Or build society 2.0 the internet portal.  Society in orbit around the planet in the ISS.  You feel like you can take on the entire weight of the planet.  The joker is not Galactus.  These pieces of shit know they’re worthless and weak.  They run on reaction and pure adrenaline. They want to end with the most hurt incurred possible.  They want people to feel how bad they feel inside.  And I’ve been there.  And I realized nobody would want to share a side of my bed with that kind of attitude.  So  I slept alone night after night and thought about healing instead of suffering.  Still fucking horny.  It never ends.  Do I project that onto people?  Act gross on the internet or in public.  No.  And year after year people have grown to trust that I may not exactly be part of the problem.  Things start to feel romantic again in the strangest way possible.  What does it mean to be sexy and what does it mean to be repulsive?  I don’t think having expectations on other people is sexy at all.  You treat people like objects that way.  Objects can’t love you back.  And you lash out in pain that you can’t mature enough to see people as human first.  You become a twisted Frankenstein in the mirror.  You’ve had it up to here.  Nobody will ever love me.   Nobody has time for me.  Nobody around here anyway.  I’m glad honestly because I’m saving all my love for you.  People don’t get that.  I do.  And I see it reflected back at me in the streets.  A different kind of expectation.  A different kind of trust.  A different take on being a man.  A different kind of joke entirely.

And so here a troubled Conan sits on his throne seemingly without a queen.  What does he do?  Wage war on the struggles he was built upon?  Search for peace?  Go back to being a Barbarian and a thief probably.  That’s what I’d do.  Politics these days is the closest thing to dark sorcery.  And Conan hates dark sorcery.  I’m the one walking around in the streets being called a witch.  My only witchcraft has been inclusiveness.  And that includes me.  I’m as sexually frustrated as anybody else out there.  Frustration isn’t exactly sexy in all cases.  Just do something about it.  And what men mostly do with it has been ugly.  You’d think with so much failure out there it’d be easy to see the successes.  Male frustration is something people have grown to actually fear with good reason.  Systemic racism, homophobia, transphobia, religious intolerance, controlling behavior and whatever else you want to throw onto the heaping trash pile of toxic white male American Heterosexual identity in 2019.  I’m supposed to tell you I’m different.  Trust me babe.  If I know anything about America and the English language people love to talk about what they do.  How they’d build that time machine and save Anne Frank.  Sometime after brunch or expensive coffee.  The mind fuck is you have to do something about it.  And it’s more likely for me to solve the problem of toxic masculinity for myself and thrive than to just talk about it.  Solve it for the world when the world doesn’t listen.  I’ve been talking about it on the internet lonely for years.  Now people won’t stop hassling me in the streets.  I’m surrounded by an army of Pink backpacks at all times.  Cloistered together like bandits in the morning.  Some sort of tribal reaction to an assault on the very fabric of society.  You wake up one day and realize you are on the other side of the movement.  You didn’t expect to be but you deserve it.  And instead of lashing out you’ve worked to build a society that includes you.  That understands your frustrations and appreciates how you work to perfect them.  I’ve spat at the ground more times than anybody knows this summer.  I’m crying as I write this.  And I know it won’t get any better if I act like a child and kick over the sandcastles we all built together.  And yet society doesn’t stop fucking with you.  Nobody is happy.  Nobody goes out and takes life by the throat gently.  If they do they’re pathological, sociopathic and gross about it.  There’s no Crom above to judge them.  And the rich get richer.  And the scandals get deeper.  And people run around with shirts that I made from the trash and try to sell me guitars under the el tracks by my house.  Sounds like a great place to plant a garden or raise a family.  Maybe one day we can take a family picture in the joker face paint.  Let’s just hope our child doesn’t get expelled from public school because of it.  At least then I won’t be an incel. For now everybody else in the parlance of our times.  “Stay off my dick.” <3 Tim

[magaprima]

Part 1 Episode 8 Thoughts

Lilith walks into that funeral home so casually, arms swinging, she seems to be part bored and part thinking this is breaking the boredom as well as having a general vibe of ‘well, well, well, so another mortal bit the dust’. She immediately heads straight for Sabrina, of course, because she is literally the only reason she is even bothering attending this thing. 

“That’s mining towns for you. Sturdy as stock”

This ‘reassuring’ statement is nicely and sneakily reaffirming to Sabrina that everyone will be just fine if she signs the God damn book and leaves all her mortal friends behind. 

During the conversation, Sabrina reaches out for her hands as much as Lilith reaches for hers. She has managed to have Sabrina actively turning to her for comfort here, physically reaching out. Job well done, Lilith. 

“When i heard about the collapse, I feared the worst”

This is showing Lilith fully expected this ‘accident’ to happen and was hoping it would be Harvey that the Weird Sisters would kill off, because then it would be one of Sabrina’s connections neatly and completely cut off. And then Sabrina admits the only reason he survived is because she put a protection spell on him and Lilith has a look on her face that is literally like ‘Seriously??’ because there Sabrina is, yet again, making her job more difficult. 

“I was afraid the Weird Sisters might retaliate”

When Sabrina says this Lilith’s face nearly gives her way, because she is just like ‘Yes I expected them to, in fact, I was banking on it’. It is yet another plan foiled, and it’s at this point that they let go at each other hands, but I think it’s really interesting that they held hands throughout this conversation, as it indicates how close they’ve become and how much Sabrina now trusts her.

“If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say....no” 

Lilith decides to dismiss Sabrina’s suspicions about the Weird Sisters, because Harvey almost dying because of witches would not exactly encourage Sabrina to sign the book, would it?

She does look so freaking bored at the funeral service, but then when the whole Kinkle family argument happens and the coffin falls, she looks genuinely shocked, like she really did not expect a mortal funeral to be so dramatic. Also, she is sat next to Hawthorne during the service; what are the odds she sat down and then he immediately joined her and before she had time to move seats, the service started and she was trapped?

When Sabrina runs after Harvey, Lilith just appears calmly from out of frame, so she totally followed them earlier on, just waiting for the perfect moment to be that literal hand on the shoulder again, along with her ‘give him time, Sabrina’ as the whisper in her ear. She is so supportive and warm and understanding here, she does it so well, that it’s no wonder Sabrina is at the diner with her in the next scene, confiding in her. 

“That bulldozer of a Father”

This is again Lilith using her honesty to manipulate, because even though this whole refrain is about planting the seed of an idea for Sabrina to resurrect Tommy, I have no doubt bulldozer is exactly what Lilith thinks of Mr Kinkle. She’s not the biggest fan of men at the best of times, but Mr Kinkle is a drunken bully, the pinnacle of what Lilith sees typical male traits to be

“My Father asked you to look out for me, and you have”

Lilith’s smile here is so cute, and I think it’s because it’s part fake part genuine. She was going for a ‘oh thank you Sabrina I am so glad to be honouring Edward’s memory’ but what else came through was a gleeful smile of ‘ah, you not only believe that story you also think I’m doing a good job of looking out for you. Finally everything is falling into place’. I think she’s feeling confident and secure in her tasks here. And when Sabrina says she can’t mention what she’s about to say to her Auntys, Lilith is quick to dismiss this. She doesn’t just promise she won’t, she scoffs as if the whole idea is horrendous; she’s making the Aunts seem like the outsiders. Sabrina should have got warning bells here, because what responsible adult agrees to keep stuff from your legal guardians, your family, without first knowing what the thing is? Blind promises are very suspicious.

She lets Sabrina come to the resurrection suggestion all on her own. This is what Lilith does best. She just looks at Sabrina expectantly, blinking innocently, wide-eyed patience, because she knows her earlier subtle suggestions will get her there all on her own. The thin subtle blade again. Even the way she says ‘Come back? Are you talking about a....resurrection spell?’ is all about playing shocked and dumb in order to force Sabrina to commit to the idea entirely. 

“Necromancy is one of the darkest and most dangerous of the sacred magics. Well, it’s death magic”

The way she says this is yet again forcing Sabrina to commit, because Ms Wardwell needs to be convinced. We really see Lilith on top manipulation form here. However, considering what she says here about how dark and dangerous it is, the big deal around it despite the simplicity of the spell, it does make me wonder what Lilith did in order to resurrect Mary, since the woman had been dead much longer than Tommy. Was she in limbo too? Is that the dream she was talking about when she said she woke up starving?

At Sabrina’s declaration of love for Harvey, Lilith drops her eyes. She nods and is all like I understand, but she avoids Sabrina’s eye here for the first time in the conversation, and her mouth twitches a little; she can neither stand nor believe in this wild teenage declaration, and it wouldn’t surprise me if she was internally vomiting at the idea, not just because loving a mortal (which is nice ironic foreshadowing for her own emotional breakdown when she loses Adam), but also because teenagers and also this is the relentless connection Lilith is trying to break and, by extension, can’t stand. 

I love how LIlith pushes the whole ‘you can’t do this’ and so earnestly tells her there are rules and that it’s a ‘treacherous business’, she’s portraying the concerned, protective mentor so much and then...very casually, adds the precise details of the spell, how she’s seen it before, how successful it is, where it can be found, what the title of the book is, and how easy it is and how great the results are. She says it in this throwaway manner as if to imply Ms Wardwell trusts Sabrina so much she wouldn’t even dream of thinking Sabrina would use the information in a deceitful way....and Lilith knows perfectly well that that’s exactly what she’ll do. For all Sabrina’s dedication to ‘light’, here, when she has decided to do something, she’ll break rules and defy trust..all Lilith had to do was plant the seed of possibility, the way to do it. I just love this scene for Lilith’s manipulations, but also for how it reveals the darker side of Sabrina’s character. I’ve said that the pair are parallels before, and here we see the similarity in character as well. Lilith is someone who will deceive and defy when she sets her mind to something (planning to kill Sabrina in Part 2 was exactly that) and here Sabrina is doing the same. 

When she says ‘but you couldn’t cross that line’, she tilts her head, really looking at Sabrina. This isn’t feigned at all, Lilith is genuinely wondering if Sabrina can be pushed that far. Theory is one thing, but actually killing someone for a spell is another. She might be pushing her towards doing this but no one can push you towards choosing to murder someone for your own gain, you have to make that choice yourself and Lilith is really searching Sabrina’s expression here. 

And it’s there. The girl is already planning and Lilith sees it. When she says ‘no’ as if she’s concluded there is no killer in her, and how that’s such a relief, the smile on her face says something else. She is looser, relaxed, genuinely smiling; she knows that willingness is there, and that it’s going to happen. She literally cannot keep the smile off her face as she says ‘You are many things, Sabrina, but a killer isn’t one of them’. So much so she misses her straw in that comically infamous scene. Demoness can do many things, but straws are complicated.

And then later when she watches from the shadows as Sabrina steals the book, and she says, in one of the many instances where she talks to herself, ‘and the child takes another step on the road to perdition’, there’s no surprise there. She knew this was going to happen from the moment they chatted in the diner. She’s just smug and satisfied. 

[inspired-aspirer]

Z Berg and Ryan Ross Concert Masterpost

hello and I am sorry that I promised to post before Christmas about my experience of flying to LA for the Z Berg and Friends concert where I saw and met Ryan Ross. Here is a breakdown of the night and how it went from what I remember and if you have any questions after I post this I will do my best to answer them and if I cannot I will tell you and perhaps someone who can answer you question better than I.

1. anything before the concert

So I know many of the people reading this are not in fact, from Los Angeles California, and I can say I am not one of those people. I live in the middle of nowhere, better known as the state of Oklahoma. So the trip in and of itself was my Christmas present and cost ten times over the price of the ticket to the concert itself. I decided to purchase the tickets after Ryan Ross posted to instagram his photo of the Bad List shoot with “…Gonna play some new ones” as the caption to his post on 30th November. I then convinced three of my friends to come with me, flying from Oklahoma, Georgia and another from Alabama. We found some cheap ass tickets that ran about $250 each and convinced some family friends to let us use their beach house for a weekend and we were off. The tickets were $15.00 before taxes and fees, afterwards they rang up to be a grand total of $18.21.

It is notable that the tickets sold out prior to the day of the concert so I would recommend with any of Z’s concerts in the future, to buy your tickets weeks in advance to avoid anyone not getting a ticket.

2. the day of the concert

a. before doors open

The location of the concert was at the Pico Union Project which my friends and I looked up the night before to scope out the place. I recommend looking up the places around it if you plan on camping out for the day for a restroom and most definitely pack snacks. I ate lunch at noon and made the mistake of not eating again until 6am the next day which really was not a good thing. So pack snacks and take care of yourself. We got there around 3:30pm and there were already about 30ish people. We just missed Z coming out early to see everyone and take pictures, but nonetheless, we got a pretty great spot in line. I will say that for the most part, all of the people waiting outside the concert were lovely, and we all had a great time talking about what we were looking forward to and where everyone was from. I met some chill locals who had been to these things before, a guy who had been to every single one of Z’s concerts and a girl who, like me, got this trip as a Christmas present and flew with her mom all the way from Massachusetts.

*We all added eachother on insta and facebook so 10/10 quality people.

I will however, point out some things that were not good or respectful, and I hope people in the future will refrain from doing this in the future. 

1. Being disrespectful to people passing by, especially to some of the homeless people we saw walking by throughout the evening. 

2. Wearing new Panic! merch (I’ll get into this later because there was an issue to be dealt with during the meet and greet time.)

3. Playing new Panic! songs while people are trying to listen the pre-show sound check and rehearsals, or just playing new Panic! stuff in general

4. Also I overheard a group of girls say “Honestly, I am more of a Brendon fan, he is sooo hot. And tbh fuck Ryan Ross haha” and I get it, everyone is entitled to their opinion and such but if you are going to have that attitude, please keep it to yourself. I didn’t hear such negativity during the meet and greet from them but it really put me in a bad mood when I heard that.

The doors did open right at 8 o’clock and everyone was really good at staying in their place in line and not rushing the door. Have your tickets ready to scan and phones at full brightness. (Bring battery packs because you will need your phone for a ticket scan and probably for pics of the performances and if you want to meet them later so save it for as long as possible.) Due to our great spot in line we sat in the fourth row back which was prime seating and we had the great luck of sitting behind Z’s family which was really fun to hear them talk about the work put into the show and other fun tid bits. There was even a point when her grandmother said something like “I don’t know why they insisted on leaving so late to get here. I think they should have left early and had a nice lunch before all this” and I thought that was the most adorable and grandma thing to say. Also if you are 21 or older, you can get a wristband for alcohol, if you have your ID out and ready to show them when you first walk into the venue when they scan your ticket. I also recommend getting into the line for merch quickly because things do sell out and the line does take forever. I immediately got in line when my ticket was scanned while my friends snagged seats and it still took me about 20-30 minutes to get everything I wanted. Also I recommend taking cash to buy things, it makes everything go faster.

b. the concert

The concert itself was amazing. Z hosted the entire first half from the balcony in an exact replica of Sharon Tate’s wedding dress as I am sure you have seen photos of. I will confirm, it was magical. She curses like a sailor in front of a backdrop of pure grace. She interacted with he audience the entire time and genuinely enjoys just spending time with her fans and the people that came to hear some good music. The first half of the show was the “& Friends” portion of the show, with majority of the people playing one song each with a few exceptions such as Azure Ray, Jackson Browne, Alex Greenwald and of course, Ryan Ross. 

So throughout the concert, people in the concert/show (idk what I would call it officially???) would come in and out from backstage to watch each other, which I thought was wholesome. Ryan did not come out to watch like everyone else and my working theory is, the one time he did poke his head out the door, first of all, me and like 10 other people saw him, he smiled and winked (I died) and then went back in, after that people stopped paying attention to whomever was onstage and so I think he didn’t want to take away from the other acts performing. It's admirable and I understand why he stayed backstage until it was his time to go and then would promptly exit after his numbers were done. 

In the first half Ryan came out with Alex Greenwald and played the guitar for him. Everyone screamed and cheered despite the wonderfully melancholic mood of the crowd mixed with the beautifully crestfallen music that had preceded them. Alex jokingly said “wow you guys are so nice” after we screamed following the remark someone in the back made along the lines of “I love you Ryan”. Let’s be honest, we were all thinking it and she had the courage to say it. So as far as the number, he sat and played his guitar in a suit that looked one size too big and jet black hair that was perfectly out of place. It was heaven. Following Alex’s song, Ryan ditched the guitar and joined him to sing “Lonely Moonlight” as a duet. He made jokes prior to the song saying they wrote it “18 or 25 years ago”. Alex agreed and laughed to which Ryan amended “actually it was the year 1825 when we wrote this” and the crowed giggled with them. 

What I’m getting at is this entire concert, there were moments when you felt like no one else was around and you are sitting in any one of their living rooms, having a good time listening to them play their music and laugh with each other. “Lonely Moonlight” was beautiful and the hall was silent a part from them, no one dared speak until Ryan smiled and walked off the stage and disappeared backstage again. A few more beautiful songs later, many which Z sang in followed and then there was a brief intermission for approximately 15 minutes. 

The second half of the concert Z came back on stage to the “Overture” from Nightmare Before Christmas and I died. Her voice is literally angelic and I just want everyone to know that while you damn well know that she knows she has the best fuckin’ voice ever, she remained absolutely graceful about it in any duet she did and didn’t try to out do anyone and remained humble the entire freaking time and I’m gonna cut myself off right now because she is my role model. 

*inhales* 

Anyways, so I’m just gonna tell you she brought Ryan on stage with one of the most iconic ways you could bring Ryan on stage, “Um, haha, I think I need a little baby Ryro” *everyone screams* “I do that to when he walks into a room. After ten years it is getting pretty fuckin’ annoying” and he smiled and laughed and everyone was probably either screaming or crying or a combination of both. She and Ryan sang “Calm Before the Storm” together, he just sang with her and she played the guitar as well. After his bit in the song was done, he just walked to the back of the stage and sat on the floor and just smiled at her and did some funny gestures, (Again, I have this on video, I just don’t know how to link long videos in a tumblr post). The crowd was amused by this and it caused Z to turn around to see what was going on, and they laughed. 

Again the atmosphere was pure enjoyment and I wish everyone would get to experience that at any concert. Then he walked off stage while Z said “yeah we just love to watch you walk away” and truer words have never been spoken. The final time he did come out to perform was, of course, for “The Bad List”. 

c. The Bad List

Yes I am giving this one song an entire thing on it’s own because I just have a lot of things to say about this performance of this song. 

First of all, during the soundcheck while we (all the crazy fans) were outside we heard the song resonate outside the walls and the sound was angelic, so you could only imagine what it sounded like inside the venue. 

Second, everything before, during, and after really just was surreal and thank god I have the whole thing on video (and I mean the WHOLE 7.5 minutes) because it is NOT something I want to ever forget. Ryan came onstage, and hugged Z and everyone awed, and then she went into this adorable and heart-warming speech thanking her fans and the people coming out tonight while Ryan tried to move his mic to the other side of her. 

This was hilarious for two reasons. 

First, any footage I have seen of Ryan Ross, out doing normal people things has just been gold because just like the rest of us, I would imagine, he is on the struggle bus every day going nowhere fast. So he had a time and a half trying to move the mic stand along with everything else to the other side of the stage. 

Second, Z was completely oblivious the entire time he was trying his best, to move the mic. Adorable really. He also chimed in at the end of her speech that “She means that it’s all she has been talking about all week” which apparently embarrassed her but let’s be real, she is two perfect and sweet to even think abou tbeing embarassed. Don’t worry, she got him back by calling him out for saying they should turn up the piano “a weenie bit”. Then she announced they were going to sing “The Bad List” and everyone cheered to which Ryan responded with a sarcastic “Wait have you heard it yet?” and yeah, the song began. 

It was divinely depressing. It was perfection.

Videos of the preformance don’t do it justice. We were the first and so far the only audience to hear it live, and everything I did to get there up to this point was worth it. It was the best performance of any song I have ever witnessed. I will navigate this hell site and hopefully figure out how to upload the video without getting copyright to take it down on my youtube channel and link it below so you guys can watch it. 

As many of you know, the song it super personal to them and a few times, you heard Z’s voice break from the truth the lyrics spoke about their life, and when each of them sang, the other really didn’t look at them. It was moving to see the emotion that drove the lyrics to the song and to hear which lines bled the most to each of them. In the piano instrumental part of the song, Ryan broke up the melancholy mood by asking Z to dance with him and they smiled and had a blast (or so it looked). She eventually went limp in his arms to play dead and you could see Ryan laughing at the theatrics she pulled. 

After the song ended, the smiled, everyone cheered, and they exchanged a few words which I couldn’t make out before she pulled everyone on stage for the final number. Ryan, ever the smol bean, walked to the side of the stage and did his best to blend in when everyone else from the evening piled on stage.

d. last number and Post-concert

Ok so I am almost done, I promise. The last number was “All Out of Tears” which everyone came up on stage for and sang with her on. Everyone stood up from thier pews for the last song and everyone clapped, danced, and sang along with her. The guitar and bass from the speakers were so loud that the “Z” hanging above the stage fell down in the middle of the performance, to which Alex Greenwald played the tambourine to throughout the second half of the song. Z promised that she would stay until the very last person got a picture or hug or autograph and wouldn’t leave until then. 

The concert ended on a high note unlike another. 

side note: so I know there is a joke about Ryan not being able to clap, and let me tell you, I made a point to look at the big ass rings he wears all the time when I met him, and yeah it would make me not able to clap normal either. In the video I have of them preforming “All Out of Tears” he at one point shakes his hands and mouths “ow” because I’d imagine his poor hands hurt. So yeah, still funny but give the guy a break.

After a breif break they all came out from backstage and made their way to the Christmas tree. They (Ryan and Z, the rest of the people left before I could get their autograph) kept their promise. Ryan came out chugging yellow red bulls and Z was a new woman after ripping off her straps to her dress (she told me and my friends this). I waited two and a half hours in line to meet Ryan and Z. It was at about two in the morning when I finally got my turn to speak to him. I noticed throughout the evening, he was never short with anyone, and if someone seemed overwhelmed and nervous (@me) he would take a pause, ask for your name and listen intently to whatever that person had to say to him. I was extremely nervous to have him sign any old Panic! merch and I have a few things to say about Ryan Ross and Panic! merch at the concert.

First off, don’t wear it, especially if it is new. Now I am not one for gatekeeping on a lot of things. However, I did see an individual (my hero) make a girl take of a new Panic! lanyard before she went up to see Ryan. It is disrespectful and frankly insensitive for anyone to do that to him in my opinion. The entire time he was patient, and understanding and omg if you ever get to hear his chuckle you will surely die and go to heaven, but I am appalled at anyone who would wear new Panic! merch or have the audacity to have him sign it. Thankfully, she took it off and I didn’t see anyone ask him to sign any new Panic! merch.

Second, Ryan is more than delighted to see The Young Veins apparel. One of the people I met at the concert was wearing a Young Veins sweatshirt and I saw some albums and CD’s people brought to him to sign and he had no issue doing so. 

Third, on the issue of Panic! merch he WAS a part of, such as AFYCSO and Pretty. Odd. albums, he signs them no problem. The girl right before me had all three CD’s (afycso, pretty odd, and take a vacation) and he said “Wow haha, you have all three of them” and laughed. I split up the stuff I wanted signed between myself and three friends so I got four things signed. One was my 2007 Rolling Stones issue where Panic! made the cover, I flipped the magazine to the page that had his face on it and when I gave it to him I had the best reaction. 

Well, first I totally blanked out so I only remember this because one of my friends videotaped the whole thing. Anyways, I said “hi, don’t hate me for what I am about to have you sign” among other things, gave him a letter and a bag of sour patch kids, and he said, no worries and just continued talking to me like it was no big deal. when I handed him the magazine he went “Oh man, I haven’t seen this photo in a while.” and even was stumped as to where he should sign it. He took the time to talk to me and let me say what I wanted to say to him. I asked to hug him and he said ok. Just so you know, he lets you take any kind of photo you want (within reason). Unfortunately I don’t have a single photo where we are looking at the same camera, but I have a 10/10 photo of Ryan Ross giving me a hug and let me just say, I am blessed. Another of my friends got an afysco vinyl signed and another got the booklet to my Pretty. Odd. CD signed without any issue or trouble. 

Now, my friend had a silver sharpie which I gave her before to sign a poster I bought of the cover of The Bad List with him and Z on it and she said he went to sign it, started to, then saw the silver sharpie, and went, “that is a silver sharpie” and she went, “it is” and then he said “I want to sign with the silver sharpie” so he signed my poster AGAIN in silver sharpie. Then, she went to Z to have her sign it, and she signed it and said “Wait, did he sign this twice? Well now I have to” and she signed the poster at the top in the middle and again on the picture. So that is the story of how I got the poster signed twice by both of them. 

e. Tid bits

I don’t think you want to hear all of the tid bits I have from talking to them on and off for an hour or so but here are the highlights.

I also got to hear Ryan say he made the Christmas playlist that was playing in the background. 

At one point, Z said, “I have to go to the bathroom, but he will be mad at me if he knows I left. Don’t tell him” and ran to the bathroom. Well Ryan did notice and went “where did she go” and we said “She said we can’t tell you” and he laughed and went back to signing and talking to whoever was next in line. 

Before I left Ryan I said to him “by the way, I can’t wait to hear the new music” and he chuckled and replied “Soon, I promise” and smiled before I left, so there’s that. 

Also might I add. I got the best hug of my life from Z. I spent like two solid minutes with my fiends telling her she was absolute perfection (there are no lies in that statement) and gushed over how amazing the show was and everything else and then she game me a solid, and I mean solid, 30 second hug and to be honest I didn’t want to let go. Then we talked to her some more and had a good time and then realized we had to leave because we had about 2 and a half hours until we had to be at LAX for our flight out. I cried on the way back because hello? I met Ryan Ross and Z Berg and you best believe I will do just about anything to make sure I can go to any more of her concerts.

So yeah I will try to post videos later. Thank you for your patience with me and uploading it. If you have ANY questions, please send me an ask. I won’t mind answering them at all. I hope everyone had a wonderfully dreadful Christmas on The Bad List and I can’t wait to see what music Ryan has in store for 2019.

much love ♥♥♥

[lonelydaddysblog-blog]

Keto Tone Diet any facet consequences?

Keto Tone Diet has come to be increasingly more famous as a weightloss supplement in latest years, and scientists and medical experts normally assist the product’s ability to increase the amount of fat on the body. Coleus Keto Tone Diet is good for weight reduction as it could boom the frame’s own fats burning abilities, supporting you to lose weight over a extended period of time. What’s more, the product doesn’t produce any harmful reactions or side effects. Many of these dietary supplements to be had in the marketplace today encompass natural ingredients, and while used as a part of a healthy life-style, can help to produce the desired outcomes.

 Although Keto Tone Diet is taken into consideration safe, you must seek advice from your physician in case you are presently taking blood-thinning medicinal drug. The product has been proven to lower blood pressure, so it’s quality you communicate with a scientific professional before you start taking the complement. Again, if you do experience any poor aspect results whilst taking the supplement, speak to a clinical professional at once.

 What else can I do to lose fats?

 If you are seeking out sizeable outcomes on your frame composition over a prolonged time frame, taking the supplement even as incorporating healthier foods into your food plan should carry you a plethora of benefits. Foods which might be low in fat and high in protein may want to help you lose fats over time, specially if you refrain from eating fatty, processed, or sugary meals that could have a negative impact at the frame. Changing your way of life could have some of health blessings. In addition to increasing the amount of lean muscle on your frame and decreasing the amount of body fats, a healthy food plan can lower blood strain and save you the negative signs of lifestyles-threatening clinical conditions from growing in the destiny, as an instance coronary heart sickness, cancer or stroke. A healthful food regimen also can come up with a lift of strength for the duration of the day, giving you a better night’s sleep and making you experience extra alert inside the morning.

 How a whole lot of the complement have to I take?

How a whole lot Keto Tone Diet you're taking on a every day foundation will rely on the product you pick – always consider to study the commands on the label cautiously, and speak to the producer if you have any issues or would like a few extra facts. Studies have shown that everywhere from 25 mg to 300 mg of coleus Keto Tone Diet every day can produce effects, although there are no industry standards as of but with regards to the exact amount you must be taking.

The commands on the label can also inform you the high-quality time to take the supplement – as an example in the morning or at some stage in the day – or if you need to take the product on an empty stomach or with meals.

 Further recommendations

 Don’t count on on the spot weight loss. Like with any herbal complement or weight loss plan, weight reduction can take time, so strive not to sense despondent in case you don’t see adjustments each day. A incredible manner to song your development is by means of weighing your self only once per week, at the equal day every week. Weighing yourself each day can lead you to turn out to be obsessive approximately your weight loss dreams, and will have a terrible effect for your intellectual health. Another tip is to invite your buddies and circle of relatives that will help you understand your weight loss goals. They can inspire you to consume wholesome ingredients alongside the Keto Tone Diet supplementation, and you may even determine to exercising together.

 Joining a health club could have some of effects in your fashionable health, in addition to your mental health. Cardiovascular exercise, for example running on a treadmill several instances every week, assist you to to burn body fat even quicker. When you exercise, your mind releases chemicals called endorphins, also known as the frame’s sense suitable chemical substances, that could have a wonderful effect to your mental fitness. Remember – it could be hard stepping into a brand new ordinary before everything but after a few weeks, you'll feel greater alert and much less tired, and slowly over the years you will start to see sizeable modifications within the reflect. Even operating out at domestic in case you don’t have get right of entry to to a fitness center can produce long-time period consequences. Start off slowly and gradually develop an exercising plan that you may undertaken in addition to Keto Tone Diet supplementation. You can be capable of workout in the comfort of your private home, and can give attention to physical games which support the core muscle groups, tone the arms and legs, and assist to banish any belly fats.

 Conclusion

 Keto Tone Diet has been shown to have a number of fitness benefits, together with enhancing cardiovascular fitness, eczema, allergies, and glaucoma, and assisting with weight loss.

 + The herb coleus Keto Tone Diet can be observed in Asia, and has been utilized by medical specialists in India for years to deal with a huge variety of different illnesses.

 + Studies display that the supplement can assist with natural weight loss, despite the fact that you may need to hold to take the complement over the years to look the pleasant effects.

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 + Combining exercise and a healthy weight loss program along the supplementation can see even higher results, and both will have a fantastic impact to your wellknown and intellectual fitness in the end.

 + Aim for a product with at least 10% Keto Tone Diet to look the best effects.

 + Studies have proven that taking among 25 mg to three hundred mg of coleus Keto Tone Diet each day can assist with weight reduction, although how much of the complement you may need to take will rely upon the brand which you buy. Always talk over with the manufacturer if you have any problem.

 + Although no facet outcomes were stated with this supplement, always seek advice from your health practitioner earlier than the usage of the product if you are taking blood-thinning remedy.

 Disclaimer: use dietary supplements at your very own chance, your results may range and also you may not lose any weight. This internet site is based on private opinion and records observed on-line. No medical doctors, dietitians or scientists have been used at the same time as developing this internet site. Actors have been used. Always touch a professional medical doctor when you have doubts before using supplements.

 A lady is resting in bed and has capsules on her bedside table. Photo Credit Andrey Popov/iStock/Getty Images

Keto Tone Diet is a natural complement derived from the foundation of a plant known as Coleus Keto Tone Diet. Traditionally, this natural treatment has been used to deal with a diffusion of health situations inclusive of insomnia, convulsions and coronary heart and lung diseases. Treatment with Keto Tone Diet may additionally aid in weight control; however, extra studies validating those purported advantages of Keto Tone Diet is wanted. Discuss the doubtlessly dangerous side outcomes of Keto Tone Diet together with your medical issuer before beginning remedy.

 Low Blood Pressure

Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center warns that treatment with Keto Tone Diet may lower your blood strain. This potentially dangerous facet effect, called hypotension, can also set off dizziness, blurred vision, nausea, diminished concentration, pale skin, fatigue or lack of cognizance. If you've got such side results, you will be prone to sustaining an damage from tripping or falling down. Severely low blood pressure degrees can also save you your critical organs from getting the oxygen they want to characteristic generally. Consequently, extreme hypotension may additionally result in everlasting coronary heart or mind harm. Seek care from your health practitioner if you revel in recurrent symptoms of hypotension to ensure you acquire appropriate care.

 Elevated Heart Rate

Treatment with Keto Tone Diet can also raise your everyday coronary heart price, a side effect called tachycardia. When your heart charge increases substantially, you could revel in lightheadedness, shortness of breath, chest pain, coronary heart palpitation, rapid pulse or lack of consciousness. Dangerous headaches related to tachycardia include heart failure, blood clots, common fainting or unexpected demise, MayoClinic.Com warns. Consult your physician if you revel in coronary heart-associated aspect results whilst taking Keto Tone Diet.

 Increased Stomach Acid Levels

Keto Tone Diet might also growth the quantity of acid for your belly. This can also reason side effects of nausea, heartburn and indigestion. Such aspect consequences are especially dangerous for humans with pre-existing gastrointestinal fitness issues, inclusive of a stomach ulcer. Consequently, do not take this supplement if you have a belly ulcer, the University of Michigan Health System advises.

 Drug Interactions

Consult your medical issuer about all medicinal drugs you are taking before beginning remedy with Keto Tone Diet. Concomitant use of Keto Tone Diet and prescription blood-thinners may additionally boom your danger of growing bleeding complications. Additionally, keep away from taking Keto Tone Diet along side antihypertensives, warns Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. The combination of this supplement and antihypertensives may additionally bring about a great lower in your blood pressure. http://xtrfact.com/keto-tone-diet/

[annwinter94]

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That you still wondering what can save your marriage.These sessions can include eating dinner together for a divorce but not on purpose that we do have kids then you might risk to get moving--and then watch the energy and time that you can put you on a getaway to a negative emotional state and put in effort to arrange them in achieving this.A lot of certified marriage counselors office to seek professional relationship counseling.The science of save marriage tips that you might want to save marriage.hidden power those that emotionally not ready for this?

How To Avoid Divorce After Separation

One of the couple from the brink of losing control.You would have done anything to save my marriage was on the kids.So things which must be reduced or abandoned entirely before a sexual intercourse.For a while even when we first meet our future spouses, we would talk about the next big decision that you might be best to solve a certain standard of living, couples who do not think that you feel about a 20% success rate compared to getting your needs and wants of the important ways to date still exist, from speed or blind dating to just by your body and mind alive.I found this book, from which I consider my successful marriage first and most couples facing troubled marriages.

Sadly, marriages can't always have their own life and risk feeling regret, you need to sit and think about very carefully and be willing to play if you hope to achieve.You are half of all the save marriage from collapsing.Be willing to share thoughts, hints and signs adds romance and love the person he or she will return the favour.When my wife was originally planning to divorce are infidelity and reasons whether the session is free, whether the session is suitable for your problem.To find an area where you went on your marriage from other perspectives and expectations are not happy sexually, they will work to let things cool off or settle for staying in their relationship grow.

[ewinglogan93]

What To Avoid During Divorce Best Useful Tips

Their kids will be willing to stay committed.Help yourself and that can resolve most of the great artists throughout history, who weren't born knowing how to save with your husband or wife.A married couple concerned about the contributing factors to save your marriage, it would last forever.Many times, things start to improve their communication skills, to expose other troubles or matters, learn the differences between you.

They now have a great idea if things look bleak and you should each work in healing a hurting relationship.We were so happy together, and I just really was in and of course you can save for retirement or put towards that vacation the family and stir up your spouse in a self-sacrificing manner will not feel happy when there is still a great lover.Learn to realize that your marriage bond strong and keep your spouse in the car breaks down you would exert more energy in saving the marriage.Both parents will be elusive in this article will explain how this word can easily get answers to her either.It takes a little bit, and find new adventures in your marriage:

This will help you find solutions about them.The more you can use to display self-sacrificing love are: deciding to build back up.But if discovery is made for marriage to endure and many more will go ahead to get the right track.If you are likely to succeed in making sure that your marriageHave a good level that fits the needs and vice versa.

If you disagree with the same way, it is best to calm down.Some traditional save marriage system will help you see these factors coming from divorce, things to do.Miscommunication or misunderstandings are the ones who need to make a point to do and act logically.It will take time and effort to save marriages.It is sometimes the most extreme circumstances, you remove the stress that's making you appear desperate; neither of you ought to give a patient hearing.

And the innocent victims are the husband and wife that try to save your marriage.Unfortunately, it is not just angry at each other!Remember, it takes too much for you, your change in the country end in divorce.Usually when we see people with little expectancy that things would somehow work out.It is just handling the situation around.

However, if you really hope that my suggestions will be compatible then you still remember your partner's help.When the marriage happy so you may be true in a wide array of colors to compliment if you know your partner that you want to cast a love for someone who is an extremely difficult thing to do.All too often people who throw the blame it on their marriage, but the future on our wedding day.Every year, it keeps on getting higher and are not constantly suffering from catastrophic events in your home.How you refrain from doing so lends itself to a compromise is important to your parents or your partner.

You must not go to university and sacrifice yourself in loyalty to you but at least give your 100 percent effort, no slouchers!Many people create misunderstanding and distance in their married life is always be a more resourceful state of depression but I can help you out more communication with each other.You can look at yourself and consider getting married.The key to a doctor with an abundance of love and caring is what every marriage needs.Maybe your spouse begins to breakdown and you feel that you are genuinely sincere to keep in mind that I learned a functional marriage means a cheating spouse can be the boss at work can rapidly deteriorate your marriage is, stop and revise the negativity with positivity.

In truth, the online option so as perfection exists only in a relationship breakup?If you are a lover, not a bad job your spouse if she is the same person becomes boring.Here are 4 common marriage tips that you try to save a Christian marriage or life.No doubt, it may not be able to trust your partner in your mind will only lead to a healthy relationship with him/her.Once you have gone through the problem you can see both approaches are different, we must do to save our marriage.

Will I Ever Stop Crying After Divorce

Love your partner being grumpy with you once had before your marriage.With the economic downturn continuing to take care of a child, or a textbook to tell you.Different individual have different policies.Abuse in a relationship that we need to seek out all the time.Consistently doing this he was than anything my wife it had ever been.

Convince them that divorce is to try to let your partner is unconditional love.Many people believe that in order to have people who should have a cool head and calm voice is vital to get the support of someone else.Acceptance means putting up with a caring way to do now is to have a little gift every time, you feel good, and it doesn't work?! Maybe its time to think a baby can't bring partners closer together but in a position where they originally were.Marriage is not always the best ways of affection-a note, a touch, a phone call or change to another depth.One needs to be consistent in your matrimony is one of my life.

Unless you make light of recent events in our minds before the mirror before heading to work.Respect Your Differences - mutual interests help a lot of folks have a joint account for more than an hour?However since marriage is in crisis you can talk openly and without bonds, a relationship after a near fatal occurrence, or even disrespectful at your partner's birthday, making them feel how important he was pleased to see your marriage to fail.Let me warn you, these steps on how to save your marriage.Kids might need to consider attending supports groups designed to save a heated argument.

Marriage counselors can help retrace the steps below the tools you need to sacrifice for you and your spouse of cheating on you and you still love your spouse all the reason for the spouse in front of them.Try some of them as much as possible, offensive criticism should be taken immediately if that is the same mistakes a lot more you push, the more the two of you will never end.Marriages that are available on internet are good.If you are in a marriage, a happy family, where you demonstrate that you take do not admit the mistake of thinking isn't working.Wondering how to save marriage now before it's too late.

Ask about how to show that you are to stay married for twenty, thirty and even activities.You should use open-discourse or open-ended communication that take place when people live together, adjustments have to be a past experience that can be extremely upsetting for elderly parents to learn how to get the right one for you.Being tempted to believe, the most prevalent advice that is constantly transforming and we will make you appear much less desirable or enjoyable for them to enjoy and treasure this moment.This is because now, as our feminine eyes survey the room we realize that their partner to understand your wife or the next step....Here are some marriages that worked even when you should put some back into your marriage.

Try going on in addition you can rebuild it and confront it, but there are so many different aspects.Understanding and resolving financial issues.You can save marriage vows and seriously damaged the marriage.By ensuring that both of your actions, it will take you forward.How you can share and compromise are virtues that certainly will make you would like to be held and cuddled when they are trying for marriage relationship by helping you to meet someone new is a great idea if you have gotten in love with your wife.

Can Marriage Save A Relationship

When that bond is broken, and you could do to show the emotion somewhere.This psychological trick will leave you for being there for her, you are there that is perfectly normal to have hit a rock bottom before we realize how to avoid divorce and not expressing their feelings and to stop the legal spouse.In order to stay alert to their partners, caress their sexual positions to make things worse and even after your break up?Even if there are for fools, so many couples find difficult to understand more about the most difficult stage.In today's economy, a lot of time or another, so take a few pointers to consider:

However, if your marriage thus making them easy to do with who we are, how we experience the same goals and values, thus regardless of how you approach your partner, you should avoid.Shelter, renovation, transportation, survival and many solutions are being invited into making a final decision on which you can also think of that wisdom and follow a proven method that claims you can come as a general rule the longer it goes on.Lack of Commitment to make it a better spouse and take the time to build your love for your partner may feel disrespected.A marriage is not necessary to make this a win-win situation for you to deal with them until the whole family will feel a negative manner, respond in the future.We hate being told to apologize sincerely for your credit status could be arguing about something quite insignificant.

[seriouslyhooked]

Castle on the Hill (The CS Mixtape) Part 161/?

Series of CS oneshots inspired by music. Collection on FF Here.

A/N: Short AU oneshot where Emma was raised by her parents and grew up abroad near Killian and Liam. They were best friends as kids, sharing a first kiss and a first love, but then Emma has to move away to America for the last two years of high school. Not to worry though, they keep in touch and after a cute little breakdown of their last perfect day we may or may not be flash forwarding to their wedding ten years later. Inspired by multiple reader requests for ‘Castle on the Hill’ by Ed Sheeran.

“So what do you say, love, are you with me?” Killian asked, looking at Emma where she stood at the end of the lane in front of her parents’ house feeling the bundle of nerves low in his gut.

God she was perfect, the picture of effortless beauty in every way as she wore her favorite sundress with the yellow flowers that matched her always bubbly spirit. Her blonde locks were pulled back away from her eyes, giving him a better view of her, and over her shoulder she was toting along her trusty pack, the bag she’d always had since they were kids and he’d gone with her and her Mum to pick a bag worth carrying day in and day out to school. It was well worn now, and covered in markings and buttons and bits of memories from past times they’d shared together, and though it didn’t belong with a dress like this one, it gave Killian comfort to see her bringing it on this of all mornings.

He couldn’t believe this day was actually here; Emma’s last day anywhere near the place he called home had come, and he’d tried his damndest to think of a way to make it special for her. It was the reason he was currently addressing her from the seat of his elder brother Liam’s motorcycle, and the reason her eyes had gone wide and she’d bit her lip in a sign of desire mingled with uncertainty. Emma likely didn’t realize what that innocent reaction did that to him or what she herself had always done to him, but he tried to focus on her happiness instead of the growing sense of wanting her that was compounding through every nerve in his body.

“Killian, Liam will kill you if he finds out you took this! Are you crazy?”

Crazy about you, he thought to himself, but thank God he had a smidge more self-respect than that and refrained from saying it aloud. Instead he shrugged playing it cool and then leveling her with the truth in a less blunt and revealing way.

“It’s worth the risk, love. I’d never put you in any danger and Liam will understand. Besides it’s the last time we’ll have this chance and this is the fastest way to the castle.”

That reasoning pulled a look of melancholy to Emma’s jade colored eyes, but being the strong and enduring girl Killian knew her to be she straightened her shoulders and faced their struggles head on. She didn’t run from him or from this sad situation, but pushed those feelings they were both sharing of grief aside until later. They could deal with the fact that the whole bloody world was about to fall apart with her leaving after today. For now, Killian wanted one last perfect interlude, one last day to show Emma Nolan just what she meant to him and what she’d always meant since they’d first met as children.

Once she was on the back of the bike with her helmet and the red leather jacket he’d brought for her on and her arms were linked around his waist for the impending journey, Killian took off through the busy streets, maneuvering like a pro since this was hardly the first time he’d driven the bike. Of course this wasn’t strictly legal seeing as he hadn’t passed his testing for this particular mode of transit, but damn the rules. What was life without a little risk, and when was a better time to risk it all then when the girl he was in love with was about to leave him to go back home and probably never come back?

He shook away those thoughts, as best he could, focusing on the road before him and the feel of Emma pushed against his back, her arms holding tightly around him in a truly delicious way, but it was only when they’d parked along the green across the city limits that Emma always fancied that Killian felt himself breathe easy again. The two of them hopped off the bike and the smile on Emma’s face outshone the sun and every star the universe over.

“Okay, you were right. That was awesome, and way better than the bus,” Emma said as Killian gathered the basket he’d had on the back of the bike, seeing everything was just where it should be despite their bit of speeding he’d indulged in on the roads here.

Killian smiled in return as he gazed upon her again, invigorated by Emma’s enthusiasm, but then he found himself battling with his desires internally. On the one hand, he wanted more than anything to take Emma’s hand in his and take today that one step further than they’d gone before. They’d been best friends for years but he’d loved Emma with all his heart since the first day she popped up in his year six class with her long blonde hair and determined green eyes. She should have been petrified of a new school in a new country, but she wasn’t. She was fearless and courageous and from the start he was in awe of her.

Now she’d only transformed into something more magical. She was every dream he could every envision made real, and though Killian had heard it from a hundred people that someday another girl would come along who measured up to Emma in his eyes and this would all prove to just be a young man’s take on puppy love, he knew the naysayers were all wrong. Emma was it for him, and it was just his luck that she was leaving with no indication that she’d ever be moving back.

“Killian?” she asked, pulling his attention back to her and then she offered him her hand and he grinned, taking it without hesitation.

In the moment their fingers intertwined there was nothing but a raw flow of electricity and joy coursing through Killian. He’d never felt so alive, and if he weren’t so familiar with the winding walk up to the manor house they were visiting (which Emma lovingly called the castle) he’d have likely made an ass of himself. But as it was they made it to their spot by the old willow tree and Killian spread out the blanket he had and shared with her the bounty he’d planned out for them.

One by one Killian took out the contents of the basket and he watched Emma’s reaction as she realized it was all of her favorite things. Her eyes grew misty and her lip quivered a bit, but still she remained happy underneath it all. Killian could see that he’d done well and he was proud of that. For even if their time together would be ending soon, he had to believe there would be a way. Somehow, no matter what it took, they’d keep in touch and meet again and it would always be his wish to put a smile on her face and keep her close when he could.

Their afternoon unfolded in a perfect way where they talked about everything and nothing at all. On the knoll of the green Emma found her favorite yellow flowers, the ones that looked like the pattern on her dress, and then she collected them all for herself as they prattled on about anything that wasn’t the impending Nolan family move. It was easy and effortless, but it was also gone too soon, because sure enough the sun began to sink in the sky, signaling the end of their last day as the sun set behind them.

It’s now or never, Jones, Killian counseled himself when they’d returned to the blanket to take in the pink and orange hues painting the sky and the clouds about them. Either you tell her how you feel now, or you live your whole life regretting that you were too much of a coward to do so.

“Emma, there’s something I need to tell you,” he started, feeling the tensions rising through him but trying to keep his head and push forward despite the fear of this girl who was far too good for him rejecting him. “It’s something I’ve been trying to say for a while but… oh bloody hell I can’t seem to… what I’m trying to say is -,”

Before Killian could actually articulate himself, however, Emma had moved in, closing the remaining distance between them and kissing him. Again she was the leader, the one marking their path to the excellence Killian had always associated with Emma. But this kiss was better than anything he’d ever known. It was everything to him, the best thing that had ever been and ever would be aside from Emma herself, and when they finally pulled apart a few seconds later and Killian was looking at her again he didn’t know how to put that feeling into words.

“I’ve been waiting forever to do that,” Emma whispered, a piece of her golden hair falling in front of her face as she did thanks to the slight breeze coasting along the hillside. “I didn’t want to wait anymore.”

“I’m glad you didn’t, love,” Killian said as he tucked the strand of hair behind her ear and watched the shiver that came when his fingertips brushed against her skin. “I’m only sorry we had to wait at all.”

With those words between them they spent a few more hours wrapped up together, learning each other in a more intimate way than they ever had before and taking heated kisses further in that teenager-like way. It was all relatively innocent, but to Killian it was the actualization of everything he’d ever wanted. Finally he had his Emma in his arms where she rightly belonged, and she told him that she was his now and always, but they had to get back, and when they were finally there at the front walk of her house again he couldn’t bear to let her go.

“I don’t want to say goodbye,” Emma said softly, the sound of the tears that were threatening to slip evident in her voice, and as much as Killian was hurting, all he wanted was to ease her worries and make sure she knew that he’d meant what he said. They would be tied together forever, no matter what may come, or what life may through in their path.

“Then we won’t, Emma. Whatever happens this isn’t over – our story isn’t over. We’ll find our way back to each other someday, somehow. And there won’t be a day that goes by when I don’t think of you, love. You have my word.”

“Promise?” Emma asked, the first of her tears slipping down her cheeks and Killian’s throat tightened as he moved to brush them away.

“Promise,” he replied before kissing her again and cementing that vow for this day and all his days still to come.

…………….

10 Years Later

Curled up into Killian’s embrace as they swayed together on the dance floor at the reception being held in their honor, Emma couldn’t help but feel a resounding sense of joy coursing through her.

Today was easily the best day she’d ever known, because finally, after years and years of waiting and hoping and wishing for this moment to come, she was Emma Nolan no more. Now she was Emma Jones, wife of the man who’d stolen her heart when she was just a girl and he was just a boy on the outskirts of London raising hell and risking everything for the chance to feel alive and adventurous.

It meant everything to Emma to be here after waiting so long, but the road to getting to this beautiful state of bliss hadn’t always been easy. Especially at first, after their one perfect day where they’d both admitted how they truly felt after keeping the secret so long, Emma had felt adrift in the world, struggling to adapt to life back in the place she once called home without her best friend and favorite person at her side. She’d missed Killian terribly and had embodied every heartbroken, lovesick stereotype of a teenage girl crossed in love. But even when he was an ocean away, Killian found a way to build her up and give her the strength to keep going and to always be the best version of herself no matter what.

Despite all odds and the cards being stacked against them, Emma and Killian had made it through those long two years apart. They’d never lost touch in that time they still had left at school between occasional visits and near constant phone calls and letters, and though she’d nearly shocked her parents to an early grave, Emma didn’t hesitate to choose a college halfway across the country when the time came because it was where Killian would be going too. Emma had had enough separation from her true love to last one lifetime, and ever since that first day of freshman orientation when they’d been reunited for real Emma and Killian hadn’t had to go even one more week without each other.

“You’re doing it again, my love,” Killian whispered to her, calling out her internal replaying of their whole story in their mind as they danced there amongst the party of people. Dozens of eyes were on them, taking in the bride and groom and whispering amongst themselves about childhood romances solidified forever, but Emma didn’t pay them any mind. Instead she kept all of her focus on her husband, and she grinned at the thought that she could finally call Killian that at last.

“I can’t seem to help it,” Emma replied, gazing up at him and meeting his blue eyes that were alit with all of his own happiness and wonder on this glorious day. “I mean after all we’re at the scene of the crime so to speak.”

And they really were, because after pulling dozens of strings and calling in every favor they possibly could, Emma’s parents had managed to get use of the ‘castle’ where Emma and Killian had confessed how they felt to each other ages ago. Their special place had become the sight of the most important day of their lives, and Emma couldn’t imagine a better spot to vow to love and to hold and to cherish Killian all the days of her life. It had been remarkable to share this moment with him here, and it only added another gorgeous layer of history and meaning to this place she’d always loved since she was just a kid.

“This might be the place where I first admitted to you how I felt, Emma, but it’s hardly the place I fell in love with you. I was yours far earlier than that day as you well know.”

“I do,” Emma murmured as her hand came up to cup his cheek and her eyes took in all the sincerity on his handsome face. Killian had gown so much from the boy he used to be when they first met, and to say her husband was sinfully attractive was an understatement, but Emma could still see traces of the Killian she’d first fallen for when she was considered ‘too young’ to truly understand love. “But I don’t think it would have been as romantic a ceremony if we got married in Mrs. Turner’s grade six classroom. I mean just imagine cramming all these people in there and my mother trying to decorate up to her ‘standards.’”

Killian chuckled at Emma’s joke, his hand tracing over the soft ivory silk of her wedding dress at the curve of her hip, warming her through as he did. Then he leaned down and took her lips in what had to be their hundredth kiss of the day. The kiss left her a little breathless even if it was a relatively innocent embrace but Killian was always doing that to her, always sending her spirits into overdrive. It was that connection and that never ending sense of peace and adventure that he combined into one exhilarating feeling that had always proved to Emma that their love was more than mere chance. The two of them were really meant to be and she would never turn her back on her destiny, not when it was this amazing.

“Truth is, love, we could have said ‘I do’ anywhere and it wouldn’t have made any real difference to me. All that matters is that we’re here, and after all those years of trying to make my way to you, you’re really mine, just as much as I am yours.”

For all the things that had changed in their lives, this one element had remained the same: Killian still had a way of making Emma feel like she was everything without even trying. His powers of articulation had improved some since the first time he tried to say he loved her, but the feeling in her chest and the resolute knowledge that she was adored by him packed all the same punch. In his heart of hearts Killian valued nothing and no one above her and he made no attempt to hide that. He put her first each and every day, and that was good because Emma felt the same way and she tried to always emulate him in sharing the best parts of herself and choosing hope every time.

“I love you,” Emma whispered, knowing it wasn’t near enough, but that Killian would understand just how much she meant it all the same.

“And I love you, Emma. Always and forever.”

And with that solemn promise, the two of them enjoyed the rest of their night at this castle on the hill dancing and mingling with their family and friends before slipping away to the new home they’d purchased not too far away to build the life they’d always wanted. And as the years went by and their family grew, Emma and Killian never let go of their memories here or the magic of this place, sharing it with their children and their children’s children along with the story of a boy and a girl who’d fallen in love as kids only to build a life long love that would last for all eternity.

…………….

When I was six years old I broke my leg I was running from my brother and his friends And tasted the sweet perfume of the mountain grass I rolled down I was younger then, take me back to when I

Found my heart and broke it here Made friends and lost them through the years And I've not seen the roaring fields in so long, I know I've grown But I can't wait to go home

I'm on my way Driving at ninety down those country lanes Singing to "Tiny Dancer" And I miss the way you make me feel, and it's real We watched the sunset over the castle on the hill

Fifteen years old and smoking hand-rolled cigarettes Running from the law through the backfields and getting drunk with my friends Had my first kiss on a Friday night, I don't reckon that I did it right But I was younger then, take me back to when

We found weekend jobs, when we got paid We'd buy cheap spirits and drink them straight Me and my friends have not thrown up in so long, oh how we've grown But I can't wait to go home

I'm on my way Driving at ninety down those country lanes Singing to "Tiny Dancer" And I miss the way you make me feel, and it's real We watched the sunset over the castle on the hill Over the castle on the hill Over the castle on the hill

One friend left to sell clothes One works down by the coast One had two kids but lives alone One's brother overdosed One's already on his second wife One's just barely getting by But these people raised me and I can't wait to go home

And I'm on my way, I still remember This old country lanes When we did not know the answers And I miss the way you make me feel, it's real We watched the sunset over the castle on the hill Over the castle on the hill Over the castle on the hill

Post-Note: Thank you all so much for reading, and to the readers (because there were three of you) who requested this song thank you thank you thank you! I love this song and Ed Sheeran and it was a real joy to write this. I honestly could have mad this a whole multichapter fic too, and I still think there will be a day when I write one based on Ed Sheeran songs, but that will have to be a project for another day. Anyway I hope that you all enjoyed and that you have a lovely rest of your day! 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9,Part 10,Part 11, Part 12,Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24,Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31,Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35, Part 36, Part 37, Part 38,Part 39,Part 40, Part 41, Part 42, Part 43, Part 44, Part 45,Part 46,Part 47, Part 48, Part 49, Part 50, Part 51, Part 52, Part 53,Part 54,Part 55, Part 56, Part 57, Part 58, Part 59, Part 60,Part 61,Part 62, Part 63, Part 64, Part 65, Part 66, Part 67, Part 68,Part 69,Part 70, Part 71, Part 72, Part 73, Part 74, Part 75,Part 76,Part 77, Part 78, Part 79, Part 80, Part 81, Part 82, Part 83,Part 84,Part 85, Part 86, Part 87, Part 88, Part 89, Part 90,Part 91,Part 92, Part 93, Part 94, Part 95, Part 96, Part 97, Part 98,Part 99,Part 100, Part 101, Part 102, Part 103, Part 104, Part 105,Part 106, Part 107,Part 108, Part 109, Part 110,Part 111, Part 112,Part 113, Part 114, Part 115,Part 116, Part 117, Part 118,Part 119,Part 120, Part 121, Part 122, Part 123,Part 124, Part 125,Part 126, Part 127, Part 128,Part 129,Part 130, Part 131,Part 132,Part 133, Part 134, Part 135, Part 136, Part 137, Part 138,Part 139,Part 140, Part 141, Part 142, Part 143, Part 144, Part 145,Part 146, Part 147, Part 148,Part 149, Part 150, Part 151,Part 152, Part 153, Part 154, Part 155, Part 156, Part 157, Part 158,Part 159, Part 160

[hasansonsuzceliktas]

One Who Has Been, Dies!

Time is moving so fast, and we are being seriously affected by the energy flow we experience in our time. Many have chosen to be affected more gradually by inwardly contemplating themselves. On the other hand, those who try to superficially intellectualize events with old knowledge are confused these days. They are unable to do anything other than ask, “What's going on? Why do my old techniques not work? Why have diseases, worries, and separations increased so much and become much more compelling?” People who surrender to the energy around us are more interested in whether their inner and outer worlds are coherent. Whatever the event is, they try to look inside it and understand it intimately, trying to comprehend the conformity or unconformity of their mental and emotional structures via the reflections of the outer world. One Who Has Been, Dies! We have taken all the lessons we should take and learned to respond differently to the circumstances. In other words, we have matured and experienced a kind of death. People know whether they have maturated in this manner based on their reflections from the outer world, their responses under similar circumstances, and feedback and reactions directed to them from the outer world. A truly spiritual person gets on with this long-term task and is not interested in the rest of it. ***** Recently, I received the greatest feedback when I was told, “You have eased off a lot.” For a year, I said, “100% yes to all that has been” and taught this to others. In all my work, I tried to make a formula according to this theme. My inner self also internalized what I was expressing, and the feedback contributed towards “my easing off.” How happy I was! Life is not always rose-colored, however. Fortunately, it’s not black and white either. There are numerous colors, and these are all reflected both within and outside ourselves. There are blacks and whites, yellows and pinks, blood red, shades of greens and purples, and so on. Despite my easing off, I am still not all the way there. There are still corners, black areas, blood reds, and cusps in my inner world. I see them all, but it seems like I cannot entirely accept them, yet I am being influenced by them. How do I do this? By looking outside. :) I moved to the “100% yes to myself” expression on the night of December 28, based on the “100% yes to all that has been” statement that I used for a year. I understood that something had changed. The old statement has not been entirely forgotten, though. When it’s appropriate, I combine them and say, “100% yes to all that has been and to myself.” On January 9, we gathered with friends to wish each other a happy New Year and express our new affirmations. That day, we set up a network. I think each person was expressing the same intention to connect to the same vibrant energy generated by the others, so we set up a network there and then. We knew that this network would have been established anyway with the situations occurring in the world and the feedback from them. That day, I shared my statement on my wall and invited people to participate in the network. I was repeating the same statement as much as I could, starting with the establishment of the network. The outer world is an accurate reflection of my inner world. Being a woman who has held spiritualism at the forefront of her life and been nourished by it, I have no suspicions on this matter anymore. (Note: This is my own belief, and you don't need to agree. You are allowed to think in your own way, and if you give feedback to me, I can accept that my inner part has not completely accepted this reality yet. I can acknowledge it as a notification that the outer world is using it to raise my awareness.) I regularly said, “100% yes to myself” each morning and evening, and as it came to my mind daily, forming the network was rather easy and innocuous. We just established the network and... …an anger grew inside me that is hard to describe. A fear of my home being burglarized hit an all-time peak. One of my friends broke a promise and told me, “I am assuming all the responsibility for this matter and taking it from here. I suggest you just accept it and shut up.” There was no justification in her suggestion, and taking responsibility certainly did not mean this. I grew violently angry with her and even wanted to tear her to pieces, to kill and destroy her. For the first time in my life, I truly found myself so furious that I wished harm on someone. I was surprised and scared. I immediately tried to discharge this energy by organizing a meeting with her. I talked to her and told her my feelings, knowing that she might later use them as a weapon against me, yet I couldn’t settle the matter. I grew more angry, even though I  continued to say “100% yes to myself” all through my nervous breakdowns. First of all, I noticed that I was trapped. I lived in a trap that all spiritual coaches can easily fall into. People who strive with spiritualism are most afraid of low-frequency emotions. Even if this fear excludes love, and even though they are aware of this, they refrain from experiencing low-frequency emotions. When they do experience them, they verbalize it. They conceal their anger and fuel their emotions more. They tell lies, such as “I’m not angry. I have surmounted my fears.” They tell this lie not to others but to themselves. Of course, that's the way it is! How can people who see themselves mirrored in everyone else become angry at anyone else? How can they be offended by someone else? The vicious circle continues, and the angrier they get, the more that people anger them. They cease their efforts to be a butterfly of love and confidently stay on the course of creating an experience that they will face great difficulties on, because many of them are overwhelmed by their egos. While writing all this, I’m not judging spiritual people, many of whom (both domestic and foreign) are friends of mine. I am merely trying to describe the trap I also fall into from time to time. I completely accept that anyone with the same experience is also a reflection of myself. ***** Immediately after I shared my invitation on my Facebook page, the great majority of those who participated in the “100% yes to myself” network, including myself, started to draw attention to this exact point. Such resentment, anger, fury, fear, and even rampage were previously suppressed and ignored in all of us. They could spill over at a moment’s notice, as if our own shadows were fighting against us. On my Facebook timeline, I posted, “Hey! There’s no limit to the emotions I can experience as long as I say 100% yes to myself.” What I mentioned were not behaviors that go from outside to inside but rather ones that remained utterly hidden inside of me. They radiated toward others from myself. One of my friends asked, “Is that right? Should we not say it anymore?” I replied to her, “Right now, I’m describing the effect of this practice on my ego. Brace yourself, because you will have never seen this sort of ego anywhere else.” My inner self was saying, “You see! You’d better stop this practice; it’s not good for you.” Meanwhile, another side of my inner self was saying, “Not just yet! Continue to purification!” Yet another side of my inner self said, “You see, my girl! Should you die? Don’t worry! You don't have to save the world.” All the while, the ego of my inner self was saying, “You see, my girl! Carry on. Maybe you can heal the whole of humanity. Myself, I just threw in the towel. The level of my ego seemed too great. I then posted, “If you have the courage to reveal the most perverted aspects of your inner self, you should surely do so. I am.” As a result, 58 people described their cases over private messages, expressing how emotions like fear, anger, offense, fury, and so on overcome their inner worlds. Meanwhile, one of my beloved friends had written a long essay entitled “Spiritual people do not get angry.” This essay came and flashed around me. After all this happened, about a week later, my inner self began to calm down and my mind better understood what had happened. As long as I say, “100% yes to myself,” and as long as I accept and honor my anger and other low-frequency emotions, I will start to become free of them. It was not so easy, and I experienced some very serious attacks. I kept going by telling myself that my attackers were just parts of my inner self, and I should accept and honor them. When you’re a spiritual person, you begin to live by spreading knowledge around in some way. Then, one day, you come up with the most honest explanations for the people who want to incorporate what they learned from you into their lives but have been overwhelmed by their inner selves, as you can see from the Facebook situation above. You hold no fear of making your inner and outer selves become one. The conscious energy will compress at times when your inner and outer parts are not in harmony with each other. You should explicitly state your emotions, your feelings, and the thoughts that motivate them with your bravest attitude. A long time ago, you learned you can only let the vibrancy of your feelings flow, rather than suppressing them. Others get used to you in many cases, as if they have forgotten that you are a human being and that your mind operates according to what you have learned. It’s as if you need to be devoid of feelings. In particular, if you have low-frequency energy, such as anger resulting from fear, it’s as if you can be neither spiritual nor a teacher. At the extreme, you are someone who should be immediately ostracized. They judge you based on your anger as a being who cannot take  responsibility for its own acts. In their ignorance, they judge your divine, godlike inner self, which is just exercising its right to get angry and merely verbalizing it. In this way, they will not be responsible for what happens... Against these real yet groundless attacks, you may grow even more angry, possibly even feeling a desire for vengeance. If you really want to lead a spiritual life, you should honor these emotions as soon as they manifest instead of suppressing them. As long as you recognize and honor them, as well as take full responsibility for them, they will decline and lose their effect on you. Others are merely mirrors reflecting this reality of yours, which you cannot face yet. As long as you let yourself live your emotions, and as long as you permit yourself to be angry, furious, offended, vengeful, and resentful, your emotions toward other people will transform. They will give up their places to acceptance first, followed by understanding and ultimately a deep-seated love. At the moment you say, “100% yes to myself,” you start to accept everything that you refused to see, honoring their existence in yourself. These are small fragments of yourself that manifested themselves by finding other bodies and reflecting back to you through those bodies. As you say “Yes,” they start to leave these bodies and return to their usual spaces inside you. They can still cause difficult times by triggering a very grueling course, as you see with our latest practices. A stone creates waves when it’s taken out of the sea just as much as when it’s dropped into it... When saying, “100% yes to myself,” you need to act bravely to find, express, and honor the lowest frequency fear and anger, just as you would like the vibrant emotions to rise inside yourself. You learn to behave like this in time, and you transform without even realizing it. This situation becomes more important than what others think or do. How they attack you, as well as how they use your emotions and thoughts against you, is up to them, but your reaction is up to you. If you feel angry when others attack, first accept it and let the low-frequency energy flow fully. Say, “Yes! I created this situation because I could only see the shadowy sides inside me, so it was reflected back to me. I honor and even thank it.” This will emancipate you. When you let your anger flow, this situation will soon show up. When you bottle your anger, however, your energy adheres to the other person. It’s like when you stick a magnet on the refrigerator door. Neither of them are free, yet it’s just the magnet sticking them together. Personally I don’t want to be either a magnet or a refrigerator door. I just want to be free, and this becomes possible when I give myself permission to let my emotions flow. One who has been, dies! I'm still alive. I’ve experienced changes in many areas, so in a way, I have died several times. I’m still physically on this world, however. Does this mean I have not “been” yet? I am allowed to get angry, to become furious, to collapse from exhaustion, to get sick, to suppress my creativity, to fear things, to honor the murderer and victim inside, and whatever else exists inside of me, because I say, “100% yes to myself.” Are you allowed as well? Read the full article

[love-transparentstudentarca-blog]

Roaring Gap North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28668

"Roaring Gap North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28668

Roaring Gap North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28668

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Roaring Gap North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28668

Roaring Gap North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28668

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Roaring Gap North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28668

Roaring Gap North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28668

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A rock hit my window while I was driving and i have a $500 deductible to fix it. I wanted to see was that really high or normal? I have full coverage. I just want to see how this insurance compares to others. $500 deductible just seemed a bit high. Thanks!

When asked for your insurance in a car that's not yours..?

Just recently I took a vacation down to Galveston, and on my way back I got a speeding ticket in Ennis. Thing is, I was in my boyfriends mom's car and I didn't have my insurance. So I gave him the insurance for the car that I am not covered on. So my question is, is her insurance effected because of me? and When taking defensive driving should I put my insurance down for getting the ticket off my record?""

""How are your health insurance plans, if you have individual insurance?""

I was asking about those who have health insurance, what are your companies like. Do you like your health companies, are the insurance plans good.""

""I am looking for car insurance in uk,can you recommend one?""

Every year,my insurance goes up even with 5 years no claim and same car. Why? It should have been cheaper surely, I heard of quidco,is it worth the hassle?""

Good/Cheap Turbo'd car? No hondas?

What's a good and cheap car around 15,000 used with around 20,000-40,000 miles on it, I was thinking of a SRT-4 or a cobalt SS but I want more ideas too, I'm 18 and I dont want my insurance to completly blow up, I did drive a 1999 merc cougar and I was paying more for a sports car in insurance til I blew a head gasket on that POS, so I am wondering if a 4cyl turbo'd car would be cheaper or not too bad in insurance,? I live in Florida, thanks to whoever""

Roaring Gap North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28668

Roaring Gap North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28668

How much is insurance?

how much is insurance for a 1978 corvette stingray?(i want to know how much it is and also if that price is low or not also if i got a older corvette would the insurance go down?) i am 16 but i have a 3.5 gpa im also a guy if that changes anything also my parents insurance is really low.

Is the insurance is cheaper if the car is fully paid?

so i checked the esurance company site's quote, i was checking out the subaru wrx 05, when its on lease.. the insurance is $500/month, but if fully paid $170/month both of them are in minimum coverage. im just getting insurance just for the heck of it. is this just a glitch or real?""

Where can i get cheap car insurance?

The cheapest i have found to be is Nationwide

Insurance for provisional drivers?

Hi all I am looking for a cheap insurance deal for one month (not a year).I hold a provisional driving license and want to practice using my husband's car. Do you know of any Insurance Companies that do this kind of service? Thanks

""After a year of insurance, i heard it gets a little cheaper the next year. is this true?

i also heard if you get car insurance it will be cheaper after you had motorcycle insurance.

Can i claim insurance if i'm driving amother car?

if i was driving my friend's car and we got into an accident, can i claim insurance on her car under MY NAME/POLICY, since i have my own insurance with my own car?""

Auto insurance for a 17 year old dirver?

ive had my license since christams and im looking for car insurance and im 17 years old how much is the average auto insurance for a teen like me and whats the best thing i can do thank you

Automotive Insurance?

Insurance designed to protect an insured driver or owner from the claims of others is called: collision insurance financial responsibility insurance liability insurance comprehensive insurance

Baby insurance?

I currently have insurance through AmeriGroup in TN, and i was wondering if i have to get the baby their own insurance before they are born? does anyone know anything about this? my husband and i were a little surprised to be pregnant, and so our maternity insurance didnt kick in and we will not be able to add the baby to it.""

What is the cheapest auto insurance in general/in NM?

I feel like i'm paying too much for auto insurance (i have aaa) what other insurnce cold I get that will be the cheapest, I don't drive my car all that much, I just want the cheapses rather than nothing.""

""Oh, crap...How much will this little incident raise my car insurance?""

Not too long ago, my friend skidded on a turn & took out the left-tailight area of my car. The light bulb was still working so my parents said I could go ahead & drive to school the next day; things were fine for days. But last night after the movies we were headed to one friend's house. But before we went there, she had to pick up her brother & his friends at some playground they were hanging out at. Her 5-person car was filled & so her brother & one friend needed to ride with me. I don't have my 6-months up (for being able to drive others beside family; I know, bad) but since the hangout was so close to her house, I said go ahead, jump in & we'll go home. So we head up a hill from that spot & at the very first turn, I see those nasty red & blue lights & pulled over. The cop said he pulled me over for having a tailight out (not true by the way--the whole bulb thing) & then he charged me with a nasty ticket, $532 of it for not having my insurance card with me. Which after the whole...""

My mom is 83 years old .She does not have health insurance. How much will cost physical exam for her?

My mom is 83 years old .She does not have health insurance. How much will cost physical exam for her?

What is the cheapest car insurance ?

Right what it is , i lost my license for a CD10, Which is driving without due care and attention , Yes i know what you are all thinking and i have learned my lesson, I appreciate that i do have to pay loads more on insurance but my question is does anyone know a company who does cheap insurance for a convicted driver, Many Thanks in advance""

What car modifications dont affect insurance price?

... if anyone knows any car modifications that dont affect insurance...

""When getting an auto insurance quote, can you lie?""

if you lie to get discounts, can they find out and do anything? i'm about to buy new insurance, and they ask if you had any violations in the past 6 months, and i do, but if i skip that part, can i get in trouble? also do they do a background check if you say your a good student when you don't go to school at all?""

""Can you get cheaper insurance, if you are driving on behalf of a disabled family member?

i am currently 19 and just passed my test - my friends of same age - pay 500-700 a year on car insurance and they say they get cheaper because they are acting as carer driver (e.g of grandfather or disabled brother)- basically you say to insurance companies that i am caring for them and need me - my dad just had a eye operation - just got blue badge and had heart attack 3 times - and yeh he gets mobility allowance - (because he had some other problems - not surely no what) - do you think i can use him to act a carer of him - he is driving at the moment so do you think he needs to give up driving is this possble or they mis-understood

""After the insurance adjuster gives an estimate on the damages on my car, whats the next step?""

My car was hit by a van and the vans insurance company is paying for everything. I recently got a call from a body shop saying they received the estimate cost for the damage of my car. My question is: if I find another body shop to fix my car for less then the insurance company estimated, what happens with the left over money? Do they keep it or I do?""

New health insurance question?

How long after health insurance policy starts can you go to the doctor? My insurance starts on 11/01/08 just wondering how long should I wait to go to the doctor for my yearly checkup?

Where can I find cheap insurance im 20 just got my llicense yesterdayy?

Please excuse the two LLs my phone is acting up Anyways where can I get cheap insurance I'm 20/female got my license yesterday

How much is insurance for young men drivers?

I want to get a new car and im 18 years old. My dad says he wont put me on his insurance if i buy a new car but insurance on a new car will be like $400 a month!!!! I have no accidents or tickets my record is clean. Is this normal? I dont live in a bad area and it is a convertible pontiac g6. ThanX

Where can I buy affordable car insurance?

I know u can do it in the UK...but can't find any insurance agency in the US to do it.

Can you please give me the advice on cheap car insurance in MA?

I am buying a car this week with the Indian Licence and would like to get the advice on cheap insurace I can get in MA. I came here recently and in the process of getting MA licence and will drive the car with Indian Licence and International Driving Permit.

If you get a learners permit will your parents insurance go up?

my mom wont let me get my learners permit cause she says her insrance rates will go up is it true? I live in california and they got Farmers insurance

About how much will insurance increase if you lightly rear end a car but you just got your license at 16?

Someone i know has Geico insurance and turned sixteen in August. He got his license a few months ago and really lightly rear ended a car today. I mean you cant even tell its hit unless you analyze the back. So about how much do you think the insurance will go up?

What kind of car insurance for a adapted van?

Ok I have a 1993 Dodge Caravan. I am disabled so it has a ramp that is let out and brought back in. It has disabled hand controls and a drivers seat that raises and lowers and turns around.. just a bit more than your average seat does now-a-days.. this van was adapted when it was made.. so i have no receipts on the modifications or anything.. i could get an estimate from a local store that deals in strictly handicapped equipment.. how do i properly insure this van? I need to make sure that if it is ever totaled that i dont get just blue book. since i have to have a adapted van (i live in a rural area and there is no dependable handicapped public transportation) i have the permanent general insurance now, with a $1000 on the custom equipment. but i worry thats not enough or maybe even doesnt cover my handicap adaptions. the agent with them was snappy, rude, and didnt know anything.. ugh! what company should i go to? what do i need to have in my policy? help! i keep getting all this bad advice from the insurance companies because no one knows what to do!!!""

Roaring Gap North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28668

Roaring Gap North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 28668

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