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cabinofimagines · 3 years

Text

Lester’s ABCs

A/N: We be loving one awkward, human god -Danny

Warnings: A bit of swearing bc I can’t stop myself

Word count: 1,330

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I think that he’s pretty chill, he’s a new person now, and enjoys the little things more than he used to, Lester is happy camping in your living room or eating pizza at the park while feeding pigeons. Only when the occasion is really special he would do something more god-like

Beauty - What do they admire in their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He likes your smile, and your singing, even if it’s not great he’s jokingly offered to turn you into a muse but he’s not actually joking and that worries you lmao

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He sings to you, usually pours a bit of his own powers to make the song ease you and help you sleep, the next morning he usually welcomes you into a whole day of self-care with your favourite meals and facemasks while binge-watching your fave shows/movies

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

If you don’t want to live forever as his godly partner, he probably will turn you into either a beautiful melody or a constellation. If your time will be limited by mortal boundaries he’ll make sure to give you the most beautiful experiences and gifts anyone could ever ask for.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He’s a wonderful simp. Very passive and would live happy the rest of his life if he could just stare at you for the rest of his existence, you make all the decisions and he really doesn’t mind one bit

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He whines a lot when he’s tired or hungry, but really apart from that he just??? is never angry??? When you’re angry he gives you space and lets you do what you have to do to feel better but you guys never have big fights

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

I think that we can all agree that after the hell he went through Lester is one of the most grateful boys out there, he’s just so so happy you chose him to spent your WHOLE life with him. Him. You want to live the only life you got with him? That’s amazing.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He’s open even about the things you really don’t want to know lmao like the partners he used to have to the weird shit he used to do as a godly teenager. If you think normal teens are weird imagine one with mighty power.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

He’s afraid to forget what he’s learnt as a human, you make sure to keep him humble, he’s helped you to learn to love yourself, every little flaw is a spark of singularity now, he makes you feel unique.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He’s the kind of guy to crush on the same people you have crushes on lol I wouldn’t say he’s jealous once you guys are together, he’s more the type to be like ‘Oh gods, did you see that? They smiled at you– Love you should ask them out. What? I know we’re together but c’mon you can’t just say no to that??’ He’s aware that you’re cute and that he can’t stop others from noticing.

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

The first kiss was all shy and sweet but don’t worry, he definitely got better at it with time

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Probably blurted it out while you were training and he just couldn’t help himself. He falls in love to easily, the poor idiot

Memory - What’s their favourite memory together?

When you compliment him with that bright smile of yours, whenever you two dance around late at night and you look at him like he’s your entire world he MELTS

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

Very classy and old-fashioned names. He can’t help it, he’s been alive for too long and ‘babe’ simply doesn’t cut it for him. Only the best types of nicknames for you.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

A lovesick fool just like Leo, but he’s more devoted to you that he is to his own duties, will try to spend every waking minute of his life serving you. Others wish they were dating a god if only just to be treated the way Lester treats you.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He’s a very touchy boy, hardly ever stops himself before kissing you in front of others, it may be awkward for your friends but honestly who cares, enjoy those smooches honey.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Maybe the fact that he’s a literal god lmao

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

VERY CLICHE BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN IT ISN’T GREAT. He’s cheesy and melts at your feet and will elope with you no questions asked if that’s what you wish to do.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

If you want the moon he’ll make sure you get it. If you want to go to college he’ll support you and pay your tuition if you want, actually what’s harder is to convince him that you don’t him to help you all the time

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He likes the easy routines, the mortal lifestyle is comforting. However, if you ever make the mistake to say ‘Man I wish i could see Area 51 from the inside, like, I just need to SEE’ in front of him... yeah, that was an interesting wednesday

Understanding - How well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He always knows exactly what you need when you need it. Empathetic is saying too little.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

He’s lost so many partners already that treasures every minute he gets with you, you’re worth every little irky bad thing that could ever happen. He protects you like it’s his duty.

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Lester learned to cook the ‘mortal way’ just so he could give you a nice birthday surprise. It went terribly but at least he took you to your favourite restaurant afterwards.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Again, very touchy fella.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

When he’s got to attend some Olympus business or when you have to go on a quest, he’s always worry about you, he hates that this is the life you’re destined to have, but the love you have for each other makes up for it.

Zeal - are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He’s a god, he’s an extra little shit of course he’s willing to sacrifice everything.

______________________

Taglist: @beneaththeiceandsnow, @bandshirts-andbooks

#Danny's writing #valentines day #valentines 2021 #lester papadopoulos #toa apollo #lester xreader #apollo x reader

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zeroone-eleven · 3 years

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Somebody else by 1975 and it is sparkles-✨

It worked out well; Park Chaeyoung (Blackpink)

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Summary: Y/N and Rosé had decided to announce their relationship, but they were gonna be extra about it.

Requested? ☑

"I remember it all too well."

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It was the final part of Y/N's concert and while he's used to the feeling of thousands of eyes on him, what's going to follow was something that made him extremely nervous, which says a lot. Especially when he was counting on the audience for his plan to work.

At the start of his career, he had announced that he was a Transgender man on all of his social media platforms. An action that took a lot of guts, and and an action that drew a lot of attention to him. At the rising point of his career when he was questioned about it in an interview, his answer was something that made him well known figure within the industry.

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"Now Y/N at the very beginning of your career, you told the world that you were a trans man. That must've taken extreme bravery on your part seeing as those people who are against your community- The LGBT community, can be downright nasty and ruthless in 'Expressing' their dislike. What mae you decide to do this so early on in your time in the spotlight?"

Y/N smiles in his seat, switching from a laid back posture to one that elegantly demands attention, his next words being the ones that made him an icon amongst allies and LGBT people alike. "I am an advocate of LGBT rights before I am an artist, at the very start of my career I wanted to make it clear that I didn't want bigots to be a part of my following or an avid listener of my music and while I'm a man who values my privacy, I value honesty and transparency just as much. So if you're someone who believes that transgender people are just 'Confused' or that they're a 'Crime' against nature? Then go ahead and consider me your worst nightmare."

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Y/N had been sitting on a chair for quite a few moments now, holding a Q&A onstage before he stands up and decides to follow through with the first part of his plan. "Alright, now today's intermission, I'm going to do a cover of my most favorite song called 'Somebody Else by The 1975'. Oh and don't worry you guys, the Q&A will still continue after this cover." The stadium fills with loud screams and cheers from the people watching as he places his mic back on its stand and goes to pick up his electric guitar. The lights dim into a sunset red as the opening notes of the music fill out through the speakers, Y/N starts singing and playing his guitar as the crowd claps along to the beat.

At the start of the second verse, Y/N takes off his guitar and takes the mic off of the stand, walking back to the guitar stand, he puts the instrument down before walking back to the front of the stage and hyping the people up to sing along with him in the pre-chorus. The entrance platform that had sunk back down starts rising as a distinctly feminine voice fills the stadium at the start of the chorus. Y/N smiles widely as the stage screens show Rosé walking towards him, offering her hand. He takes it and raises their hands up, leading the Blackpink member into a twirl, the crowd has gone wild at this point and the duo are pretty sure that somebody or multiple people in the audiences are Blinks seeing the way they've started chanting Rosé's name even without Y/N introducing her beforehand.

The bridge part comes along and the two singers alternate their lines. When the instrumental hits, Rosé takes his hands and starts dancing along to the beat, dorkily smiling and roping the man into dancing along. When the final chorus comes, Y/N and Rosé sing together, motioning for the crowd to sing along and the stadium fills with the sounds of music and the combined voices of a chanting crowd.

The song comes to an end with loud cheers for the two vocalists who are now smiling widely while catching their breaths. Y/N offers his hand to Rosé and when she takes it, the two raise their hands and perform a bow. He lets go of her hand once they've come up from the bow, turning to face her before speaking. "May I introduce, Park Chaeyoung of Blackpink everyone."

The woman in question laughs, shaking her head before going to bow once again and waving to the crowd with both hands, Y/N decides to push his luck. "Also known as Rosé of Blackpink, or Rosie, or Foodsé, or Chipm-" He runs as she jokingly tries to swat at his shoulder.

The cheers continue and the two laugh with each other before Rosè speaks to the crowd. "So how did you guys like our cover?" She's answered with loud cheers and Y/N's manager signals at the two from behind the curtain, raising both his hands up. 10 minutes left, Y/N nods at him and smiles while Rosé turns her attention back to the crowd, he gives the singers a thumbs up with a dorky smile before taking his leave. Y/N shakes his head in humor.

"I'm pretty sure I'm speaking for both me and Y/N over here when I say that we're happy to see you guys loved it." Y/N turns to Rosé to agree with her statement. Y/N speaks into the mic saying that he and Rosé will spend the last ten minutes of the concert for the Q&A. The following minutes fly by with questions aimed at Y/N, questions aimed at Rosé as well as questions aimed at both come in droves, until Y/N announce that the next question will be the last one before the event comes to an end and they have to start saying goodbye. Multiple people raise their hand, and he leaves it up to Rosé to pick who gets to ask the final question. She gives her mic to a girl in the front row, and the girl states her question.

"How did you come up with the idea to have Rosé make a special appearance for a cover? Going by your latest Instagram posts before this album dropped, it seemed like you guys were writing songs together. So we were really hyped for a collab." The fan hands the mic back to Rosé who smiles at Y/N as he takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what's to come next. The Western singer brings his mic up to his lips to answer.

"There's a pretty good reason for this cover actually. 'Somebody Else' is a song that holds special meaning for the both of us, besides being our favorite song." Y/N motion for Rosé to take the lead, and she steps closer to him before speaking. "There was a point in me and Y/N's life that we didn't know where we stood. It a point we could sort of compare to the kid's game: Tag." She looks over to the man beside her, silently asking if he wants to back out of it. Instead Y/N takes her hand, interlocks their fingers and squeezes. Go on, I'm ready.

"Long story short is that I was hung up and broken hearted over this person and he was hung up over me." Collective gasps resound through out the stadium. After all, the only thing they know about you and Rosé relationship up until this point was that she was helping you write songs. You bring your mic up to your lips and speak. "The pictures on my Instagram of her looking at the lyrics I wrote? That wasn't Rosé helping me write. That was Chaeyoung reading what I wrote about her." The crowd goes crazy over the newfound information, and Y/N's pretty sure that they miss the way he referred to her using her real name instead of her stage name. But Chaeyoung catches onto it and she smiles softly at the man.

"I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am to Y/N by the way. Staying up countless nights and listening to me ramble on about being torn up, being there for me in every single way, helping me heal and doing all of this without expecting anything in return. Such a gentleman really." The crowd collectively 'Awwwwws' and Y/N hangs his head low, hiding his blush from everyone, Rosé laughs as Y/N looks at the ceiling, composing himself before speaking.

"I would never expect anything in return from you and you don't have to thank me either, I was just doing what a friend would've done at a time like that. Anyways, I stuck by her in those times all while all I could think of afterwards was how stupid the person who broke her heart was, all while I wished I was the one she had ended up with instead of them. I never even hinted at how I felt about her in those times, much less actually tell her. I promised myself I wouldn't tell her how I felt until the time was right. I didn't want her to feel guilty or pressured at all by what I had to say." Y/N looks from the crowd infront of him to Rosé before continuing "Time passed and her heartbreak had healed. But she still wasn't ready for a relationship for a while after that whole ordeal, so I kept my promise and I waited."

"When I had told my members and Y/N that I was finally ready for another relationship- That like, I was completely okay. Y/N decided to court me instead of asking me outright to be his girlfriend. Can you believe this sap?" The crowd laughs with Rosé as Y/N's jaw hits the floor, he walks away from Rosé and heads to the other side of the stage. He crouches and points to Rosé "I was being noble, chivalrous and mind you I was trying to prove that I was boyfriend material! Then she goes and calls me a sap?! I can't believe this..." Y/N lowers the mic and shakes his head in mock disbelief. Rosé doubles over in laughter before walking over to him and resting her free hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, I'm calling you a sap because you are one. But it worked out didn't it?" She looks down at Y/N before continuing. "I gladly said yes." The crowd goes crazy, people cheering, some were jumping, and the others were speechless.

Y/N smiles, a full smile from ear to ear as he takes Chaeyoung's hand on his shoulder to bring it to his lips. "Yeah, yeah it worked out well in the end didn't it?"

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A/N: Damn writing in 3rd person is a TASK. I might never do it again, I hope this was good enough? I'm not too sure about the ending but I liked the idea of them announcing their relationship infront of a crowd instead of doing it via a social media post. So yeah.

#Blackpink #Blackpink x Reader #Park Chaeyoung #Park Chaeyoung x Reader #Rosé #rosé x reader #reader!insert #TransMale!Reader #Male!Reader #Park Chaeyoung x Trans male!Reader #Rosé x Trans Male!Reader #Park Chaeyoung x Male!Reader #Rosé x Male!Reader

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cosmictulips · 2 years

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Hiii Tulip !!!!! 🌷 it's so exciting to know that you draw your characters from real people . Personally I think it's good as we can know ourselves and others more , like their experiences their values etc.

So here is me sharing somethings related to me 😊

Aries Sun

Taurus Moon

Scorpio Rising

Okay in my natal chart I have 3 fire placements and 3 earth placements but by percentage I'm an Earth dominant . Also through planets I'm a Moon dominant too.

I'm an clairvoyant person and an intuitive being . I talk with my spirit guides and to myself when I'm sad , happy or bored !?! Since childhood I'm doing this and ngl people do find it weird 🥲 but what to say it's my peaceful time. I'm that one friend to those everyone comes for advise and guidance and share their deepest secrets , but they don't know mine . They feel calm and collected and feels at home . But sometimes people do misunderstand my calm and cool aura as my weakness but alas do they know if I want I can expose their deepest sins to the world...lol. Boys find me intimidating and yes they themselves have told me that lol 😆 , and couldn't express their desire to me . People admire my fashion sense and have always considered me as an elegant lady . I always dress minimal but somehow attracts spotlight on me . I have always voiced up my opinions when I see someone doing wrong and am no afraid of it too. I hate liars. Honesty is something I value most, second loyalty. I love intellectual talks and beings. Somehow I love to stimulating my brain .In one sentence either people love me or hate me. Okay I should stop here or else you're gonna be bored of my personality 😅😅.

As in hobby , I have many many interested . Can't help I'm an Aries lol 🤷😆. You can't keep me confined to one place or things . I love to explore many different things . You wanna know about science , politics , history, geography , arts , literature, paranormal things , things related to sex or taboo , occult etc I'm here 🤭. I love to read books be it offline or online but I do have to read or else I can't live a single day in my life. I love to dance and yes I've been dancing since 2yrs 8 months year old . I always sing or have to play a instrument. Personally I know guitar and keyboards . Music calms me down . I love painting specially water colours and sketching . I'm a black belt in karate , I love to do exercise when I'm stressed or to feel uplifted . It just brighten up my mood .

As in animals I love love dogs . Thinking to keep when I'm stelled on my own . Other than that I love other animals too . It's not like I scream at top of my lungs about it but I love them and care for them . I'm that one person who'll ditch amusement parks to go to the zoo ☺. Animals have always felt calm and they naturally come to me .

I choose The Kingdom of Fire 🔥

That's all I guess , if I further go on I swear tumblr will not let me 🤣🤣. But thank you .

Haha I found myself nodding to this a lot. I'm over here like "yea same" lololol.

YEEEHAWWW FIRE KINGDOM.

I feel like you'll be dipping your toes in the drama between the mythos. Vampires growing in numbers and blood banks losing control? you're on the case. Werewolves crossing territories and hunting other monsters? you're on the case.

People call you a gunslinger but you're not. You just have your trusty stead -it's not a stead at all but like... a small lizard. it's not much. but you love his derpy little face-. and your gun full of sterling silver bullets.

and thats where you get your reputation from . it's not hard to find guns from the Great Nuclear Waste. what's hard is learning how to use that gun. and you've learned to infuse your magic into the silver bullets. you never miss a shot

A monster hunter? nah. that's cruel. and you don't care too much for that. Your place is among the bustling cities near the large rivers. those that over look large sand dunes and blinding deserts. that's where you learn the most.

You've heard recently that dragons have started making a comeback and someone not too distant from you is going to find them. you wish her all the best but right now, you have your eyes set on another prize.

and that prize?

the person that the vampires are hunting. there's a large bounty to be had here, and an even larger chance to understand the civil war that is on the verge of breaking out. You can feel the intensity of the storm that lurks just beneath the beautiful colors of the streets. it's like lightning that raises the hair on your arms.

People whisper to you and ask you what should they do. hide you tell them. a strong storm is coming. and you're not sure why or who is causing it. but you do know something is going to happen.

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sako-mii · 3 years

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aye hello! hope you’ve been well. id like to request a matchup for tokyorev

im a heterosexual female. genderfluid, but my default pronouns are she/her/herself. im also asexual

personality:

i would describe myself as a bit more tomboyish but still relatively girly. im independent, honest, compassionate, and rather jovial. im a no-nonsense person as i value mental health and direct conversation. im pretty chill and vibey and express ambivert energy. i can connect to people who match my energy and just talk about random things. i also like to embrace my inner child and can be stupidly silly :3 im very playful and can be a big tease it’s basically a hobby at this point sksksk. but im rather sweet and gentle with things i find precious as i am naturally kind/affectionate to those i endear. i love to take care of those i cherish deeply, however, i am not afraid to tell you how it is. im inclined to be very straightforward with people as i believe that is important in any relationship. sometimes i may come off as blunt, but i have strong reasons to be as such. though, i am emotionally aware and observant through close interactions. i can also be a big cheerleader for any type of support and will truly be loyal till the end if i find someone worth standing by with

on the other side, people have told me that i can be tsundere at times and grow aloof or distant. at first glance, i can come off as intimidating or just not approachable. when it gets serious, i can be aggressive and b a hypocrite sometimes.. im kinda content in my lonesome and in my dark hours as i can handle myself pretty well but i still require patience and supervision. though i dont always take care of myself, i am quite patient and introspective nonetheless. tho, for you, i will scold you if you dont

personality tests:

in MBTI, im an INTJ

(i get along with everyone in the zodiac house so i dont necessarily believe in it but-)

in astrology: sun sagittarius, moon sagittarius, and rising libra

my enneagram is 8w9

pretty accurate stuff

Likes:

acai bowls, matcha green tea, jelly beans.., animals (stuffed and/or alive), anime, criminology/forensics, psychology, mechanical keyboards, roller skating, organizing things, video games, collecting things, formal events, baking and artsy stuff (sewing, crocheting, drawing, occasional designing, etc), performing arts stuff (dance, music), fashion: streetwear/comfy style and sometimes more bold wear, skincare, satisfying things, going out in nature, cuddles..

Dislikes:

disrespect, playboys, toxic, overly clingy people, shallow, overly restrictive, overly sensitive, overly confrontational, heavily lacking in confidence, exclusive people (people disregarding others), unreliable people, avocado, sausage, out of tune singers, unsatisfying things, unreasonably-hard-to-open products 🤨

Appearance:

im a 160cm filipino girl. i have short, mute violet, bobbed hair with an undercut at the back. i have big black almond eyes with round glasses and am kinda light to med skinned. im relatively lightweight but still have some tone cuz sis lost sum muscle 😭 i also wear these small curved plastic-like earrings that curves around my earlobe? idk they’re kinda grungy and idk how best to describe em but they have a black gem at the end and they dont rust so i always have em on. i also wear this red string choker with a jade buddha charm in any outfit i wear. it was a gift to me and it holds a personal significance so i only take it off when needed

Love Language:

physical touch and acts of service ( ͡≖ ‿ ͡≖)

im not inclined to superficiality because bonding is what matters most to me

Expectations In A Partner:

looking:

integrity, honesty, friendly, compassionate, charming, responsible (in their own way ig?), smart, reliable, understanding, patient, playful, etc… idk, someone who can fulfill my emotional needs and just be chill with me when the time is right

dislike:

overly possessive, playboy, toxic, manipulative, overly clingy people, shallow, overly restrictive, overly sensitive, overly aggressive and confrontational, heavily lacking in confidence, etc

Extra:

im clumsy. i also love frogs i think they’re cute. i tend to get irritated by small things easily, even though im quite meticulous and very detail oriented. like i hate it when products are manufactured with an atrociously difficult film/cap. it makes it sooo damn hard to open and i get angy (bonus if it breaks or tears at the rim lmfaOO) also my favorite color is pumpkin orange ig

thank you for reading!

I'll assign you...

Takashi Mitsuya

You met him through the sewing club. You had to join a club for school and your friend dragged you into the sewing club saying that it'd be fun.

"Leader! We got a new member" your friend told her club president. As you entered the club room, you were surprised to see a guy walking up to you.

"You must be the new member, I'm Takashi Mitsuya, the club president. Nice to meet you, you can ask me about anything you want to know." He called.

You thought that it wouldn't be that hard, but you were wrong. You had no idea how to sew.

You wanted to give up but Mitsuya suggested to give you some extra time to teach you.

You mostly would learn and practice once everyone was gone to be safe from any embarrassment.

He'd sit next to you teaching you the basics and such. Sometimes you mess up and he chuckles, which makes you kinda flustered and mad. He thinks you look cute when you get mad

He liked you. He thought you look cute when you would get upset when you don't get it right or when you get excited about whatever you're talking to your friend with.

When you'd have your extra lessons with him, you two would talk about different things. He told you about his sisters and why he likes sewing, how he takes care of them because his mom is all the time at work and such.

You liked his caring and passionate side, the way he looks out for his sisters, and also how hardworking he is.

You told him how you feel during your extra lessons with him. Your heart was about to explode when he stayed silent for a while. He came closer and gave you a kiss on the forehead, "I like you too"

You had a simple movie date. After that he took you out to eat and walked you home after while holding hands.

He would sometimes sew you different types of clothes, telling you that you'd look good in them. It makes him happy too when he sees you wear the stuff he gave you (it's like he's your personal stylist-)

He loves to tease you, and he'd tease you a lot. He likes it when you get flustered and suddenly get mad at him for teasing you.

When you're upset, he'd give you some space for a while. Later, he'd ask you what happened and would help to calm you down.

He would also make sure that you're taking proper care of yourself.

You'd spend time together holding hands, cuddling, and also having fun together.

At night, sometimes you'd make him give you a ride on his bike on which doesn't say no.

You'd also help him out with taking care of his siters, Luna and Mana.

Luna and Mana also love you lots and always wait eagerly to see you again.

Hope you like your new realm, that's where you'll stay now.

#Grim answers #tr #matchups #tr matchup #Tokyo revengers #Tokyo revengers matchup #mitsuya #takashi #mitsuya takashi

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pop-lodge · 3 years

Photo

Bravery

Written by The Pink Fluo

Growing up, I have always struggled with expressing myself and how to be true to myself. I constantly question how worthless my life is. Ever since I could remember, I always felt different. I felt lost and tried to reach for help. However, nobody, not even my own family, understood or wanted to know how complicated the process that I was going through. Until one day, help came to me in the most unexpected moment. The tides turned because of a song that I listened to.

Music is beneficial to us. It helps decrease the negative emotions that we feel. From anxiety, depression to stress, music will always reveal the feelings that we keep hidden. At some point in our lives, music became our escape from the dark world. It helped us understand what we truly feel because the meaning of music reinforces our emotions. I appreciate the power of music through its lyrics. Its lyrics can affect someone's life, especially if they do not know how to put their feelings into words. As for me, the song that helped me get through my difficult times is Only the Brave by Louis Tomlinson. Whenever I feel lost and feel like a crumb individual, I will just play it repeatedly and get lost in its lyrics. Take the last few lines: "All the lonely shadow dances / From the cradle to the grave // It's a solo song / And it's only for the brave". Louis managed to indirectly point out that there are things that are really out of our control in life, and for us to surpass those inevitable challenges, we need to face them with honesty and bravery.

Therefore, music is definitely a great help in healing. The words from the song reminded me to stand for myself, and as scary as it was, I stopped caring about others and started to value what I feel because I know that my feelings are valid. The lyric of the song is a masterpiece, and I consider it my comfort and my validation. Because of that song, I can now express myself and speak my mind more than I ever did before. Everyone experiences tough battles in life, and I hope that just like me, every brave individual in this cruel world can use music as a tool for surviving.

youtube

#onlythebrave #louistomlinson #poplodge #blog

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justjessame · 3 years

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Glorious, Before the Burden - The Light ~ 12

“-and then -” meant Loki fully intended to put me through my paces - over and over, until I once again collapsed into my chair for the next meal. Forced to sip and NOT gulp down the goblet he filled for me, reminding myself that I wasn’t a common wench after all, even as I wondered if cutting all my hair off at my scalp wouldn’t make it more bearable if I were to become a dagger wielding maniac.

“Don’t cut your hair,” he murmured, taking a drink from his own cup. My eyes flashed to his face and his shook his head. “You aren’t on task to become a member of my brother’s Warriors, Sigyn, the lessons are far more difficult than what you’ll be dealt with normally.”

“Then why -” I sighed, wishing I could strip to my undergarments, or something less heavy than this damn gown I had to wear. Anything that would give me less pain and suffering during my forced tutoring in the combative arts that Loki was insistent upon teaching me.

His soft laughter told me he was reading me like a book again. “I won’t stop you if you want to lose a few layers,” I couldn’t hold back my eye roll. “It might make the lessons more entertaining for both of us.”

I’d finally had my fill of drink, so putting down my cup, I studied him. “I was under the impression that you enjoy putting me through this -” what would be the best word for it, “rhythmless dance. You always have a smirk on your face, my prince.”

“Do I?” Loki was finding the offerings of our meal quite fascinating. “How strange,” light blue gaze flicking back to me, I swore they were twinkling with mirth. “I’ve been so focused on making certain you don’t end up filleted by an unexpected attacker that I haven’t noticed.”

“How altruistic of you, my prince.” Taking a bite out of my own food, I had to admit, it tasted far better after the exercise and I must have made an appreciative sound because his jaw clenched again.

Loki ran me through the dance patterns that included sharp objects until the light of day started dipping below the horizon. I refused to plead with him for a break or an end, knowing now that he expected it of me - I went until he said we were finished for the day.

“So soon?” I was panting, my hair was damp from the fruits of my labor, and my face was flushed and hot. He, on the contrary, looked as if he had only just begun. It wasn’t fair, or was it? Since he’d been taught the same tactics since he was a child.

Smiling at the cobbles that made up the balcony, Loki shook his head. “Your mouth will get you in far more trouble than any other part of you,” his smile held, as his head rose to look into my face. “I would have laid odds on -” A huff of breath and a harsh chuckle, but he didn’t finish - I wanted to know what he would have bet on being more the cause of my troubles.

“What?” My head tilted, biting my lip, I waited for him to tell me.

“I should take you back to your rooms, so you can sneak out to the gardens, where I’ll be waiting -” another sigh. “We have a routine to uphold.”

“I promised I wouldn’t,” I reminded him, chagrined that he didn’t trust my word. “You asked and I gave my word.” Our gazes were locked and I sighed. “You don’t trust me.”

“You weren’t supposed to -” I stopped him with a raised hand.

“You said that once I knew how to handle myself with one of these,” holding up one of the knives we’d been training with I shook it. “I could go ANYWHERE ALONE.” He opened his mouth to argue, but I stopped him. “Trust goes both ways, Loki. You told me one thing, and then you showed up and -” I stopped, shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t plan on going to the gardens alone - if I want to go, I’ll ask you to accompany me, or -” I stopped. “How DO you know that I’m going there?”

The look on his face showed an expression of a person who had hoped that I wouldn’t hone in on that one question. “Sigyn,” he took a deep breath and appeared to be trying to find the right words - silver tongue failing him for once. “I told you that when you wanted me to leave -”

“Yes, that’s when you were in the garden and so was I, but HOW did you know to come in the first place, Loki?” How, unless he’d been watching me all these years?

“You have to understand,” I wanted to, it’s why I asked. “It’s not something I asked for - or something I -” He stopped again, taking another deep breath. “The first time you came here, with your parents?” Frigga had said - I shut my eyes and it came back to me -

“I wasn’t the only member of my family who noticed your glow, Sigyn.”

“She was talking about you,” it came out hushed, before he could say anything else. My eyes opened and he was staring at me trying to gauge my reaction, and I hoped he could because I was having trouble with it. “Frigga said I glowed.”

Loki nodded, licking his lips. “You still do, even when I’m nowhere near you.” He was keeping his distance, which I was thankful for, at least for the moment. “I can be here, in my rooms, and KNOW that you’re heading to the gardens alone. And I have to go - to be there to keep you safe.”

“I see,” I was trying to, at least. “What does this -” the air felt heavy and my gown weighed too much. “Am I missing anything else?”

He stared at me and I thought that he might want to say something, but he shook his head. “No, nothing else.” Liar, I thought, but it would come in time. “Let me walk you back to your rooms?”

Loki tucked my hand into his arm, reverting back to his charming self, and matched my pace as he walked me back to my rooms. We didn’t speak, lost in our own thoughts, my mind circling this new information - I hadn’t really considered which member of Frigga’s family she’d spoke of when she mentioned my first visit, perhaps Odin if I had put thought to it - but knowing she’d meant Loki left me confused by so much. Arriving too soon, I wasn’t ready for the day to be over, but I wasn’t sure how to draw it out without insisting on a visit to the gardens and after - I couldn’t.

“Our trip to Midgard -” latching onto the first topic that came to mind, I grasped it with both mental hands. His brow furrowed as he waited for me to ask whatever was the cause for my outburst. “Are we to pack for it, or will we be -”

Loki’s countenance cleared, and his smile returned. “Ah, yes.” Following me into my rooms, my wish for prolonging our day grew closer to coming true. “Pack lightly,” I watched as he settled in the window seat, which he claimed for his own. “Only those things which bring you serenity or security -” squinting at him in uncertainty, he chuckled. “Jewelry that has sentimental value, a favorite book -” ah, the dawning of understanding came over me. “We can grow our wardrobe upon arrival.”

“Is that wise?” I wasn’t challenging him, I was simply curious. Sitting upon my bed, I listened as he explained how often Midgardians changed their fashions, and how dependent it was also upon where we chose to journey and tour. “So we’ll arrive and then change our garment to suit our surroundings.” A curt nod showing I was catching on and his smirk gave me heart that I wasn’t a complete idiot. “And what will we do while we’re there?”

“Midgard has plenty of diversions, Sigyn,” his smile hinted at nostalgia for past visits. “And they constantly add to them.”

“Such as?” I wanted an idea of what to expect.

Loki sighed, but it didn’t sound like it came from a place of irritation. “If I tell you, then I’ll be robbed of your surprise when you see the sights for the first time.” Like a child who would be refused his favorite toy or trick, I had to smile. “Let me have that much, please?”

“You don’t trust my word, my prince,” I reminded him, eyes meeting the floor. “If I agree, you’ll only think that I do so to appease you for now - and expect -” I didn’t expect that cool, long finger of his to tip my chin up again, to force my face up to his. “You moved,” I accused.

“I did,” he agreed, not the least bit ashamed. “I want to trust you,” the sincerity was heavy in his words. “I do, but you have a propensity for doing what you want.”

“I won’t,” I promised, maintaining eye contact and instilling my words with the same genuine honesty that his held. “Not if you don’t wish me to, Loki.”

“You give me a great deal of power with that promise, Sigyn.” His thumb was tracing my lower lip again, the air went out of the room and everything was still and silent. “I hope I deserve it.”

#loki x sigyn #loki #loki series #sigyn #slow burn #eventual smut #alternate universe #bear with me

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alj4890 · 4 years

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Misfortune's Intentions

(Liam x OC*Elisse Millan) (Drake x Riley)

A/N A couple more months have gone by. Liam and Elisse have attended many of the same events in Cordonia, gradually getting closer to one another. In this chapter, they begin the necessary steps toward a more personal relationship. Liam also has an honest conversation to the two that he once trusted the most.

@gkittylove99 @krsnlove @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @hopefulmoonobject @yourmajesty09 @mom2000aggie @ofpixelsandscribbles

Masterlist

Chapter 3 Heart’s Honesty

The Royal Palace, Cordonia...

Liam looked up when he heard the murmur of feminine voices passing by on their way to the solarium.

Creeping towards the cracked door, he peeped out to see who it was.

He caught just a glimpse of Olivia, Riley, and Madeleine turning toward the right.

Curious yet not wishing to get caught up in conversation with any of them, he settled back in his chair and continued to review a trade proposal Elisse had given him from Amalas.

Monterisso's queen was not going to wait around on Riley's baby in making inroads toward a strong, beneficial relationship between their two countries. Since the pregnancy had been announced a couple of months back, Liam and his close knit group of friends had spent numerous events speaking to pushy foreign monarchs.

The only bright side to meeting so often, were the moments he had with Elisse. They were few and far between and much too short to satisfy him. A dance shared, a few words spoken here and there, possibly a shared smile over a private joke. All ended up making her the first person he searched for when entering into a room.

"Would you like me to bring a tray in here, your majesty or would you prefer having lunch in the dining room?"

Liam looked up at one of the footmen. "A tray, please." He called the man back. "Is there some gathering this afternoon?"

"The Queen Mother is hosting some ladies for tea in the solarium." The footman replied.

"Ah." Liam tried to focus. "Do you know who she invited?"

"I know some, sir."

Liam cocked an eyebrow, trying not to be impatient.

"Duchess Riley is the honored guest." The footman began to go through the usual name of Cordonian ladies. "Queen Isabella and Queen Amalas have also arrived."

Liam grit his teeth at not hearing what he wanted to most. "Did Queen Amalas bring another lady with her, by chance?"

"I'm not sure, sir. Should I go inquire?"

"No." Liam muttered. "Just bring my lunch in here, please."

"At once, sir." He bowed and left the king alone.

"There you are."

Liam nearly cursed. "Drake. Join me, won't you?"

"Thanks." He sat down on the couch across from him. "Haven't seen much of you recently."

Liam held up the documents he was reading. "Kingdom business."

"Ah." Drake drummed his fingers on his pants.

Liam tried to tune him out.

"Riley's having a tea party with Regina and a few others."

"So I've heard."

"Did you know the Spy Queen has returned?"

"Yes." Liam responded. "So did Auvernal's queen."

Drake ran a hand through his hair. "So, uh, have you gotten anything out of the spy that has taken up residence nearby?"

Liam lowered the documents. "Spy? What are you talking about?"

"Your investigation with Queen Amalas’s cousin." Drake narrowed his eyes. "That is why you are spending so much time with her isn't it?"

"Lady Elisse is more of a messenger between me and Amalas." Liam bit out.

"I've never seen you make sure to share most of your dances with messengers before, much less spend anymore time than you have to."

"I am doing exactly what I promised." Liam informed him. "I am taking time to get to know her. All these new events have limited my chances to be alone with her."

"Alone with her?" Drake leaned forward. "Why are you wanting to be alone with her?"

At this moment, Liam did not want to admit to Drake that he believed he was ready to try and fall in love again. He had yet to actually have a real date with Elisse, much less kiss her. He also wasn't certain her own feelings about taking that next step.

She seems to like me, he thought. Is it more than a friend? Or am I simply fooling myself like I did with Riley?

"Li?" Drake waved a hand. "Still with me?"

Liam closed his eyes. "Yes, sorry." He cleared his throat. "If I am alone with her, then she will be more inclined to talk about things she would never feel comfortable doing at a crowded gathering."

Drake slowly nodded. "That's true. Sounds like a good plan."

A plan to test her and see if she feels as I do, Liam thought.

"Are you going to try and get her alone after the queen's tea?"

Liam's eyes widened. "Elisse is here?"

"Well, yeah." Drake tilted his head slightly. "Liam, you sure there isn't anything wr--"

"Positive." Liam excused himself. "I need to put these papers in the study. Feel free to call down to the kitchen for an extra tray for lunch."

***************

The Solarium, Royal Palace, Cordonia...

What would I do without all these pastries?

Elisse gratefully took another bite of a strawberry tart. If her mouth was full then she wouldn't be pressured to talk.

Which was a good thing considering how she felt about Lady Riley Walker.

It nearly turned her stomach at how everyone was complimenting the waitress turned duchess. There was only so much bowing and scraping for attention Elisse could stand.

Especially to someone who had hurt Liam so horribly.

It didn't take a mind reader to realize that the reason Cordonia's king was not actively courting or planning on having little princes and princesses of his own was sitting across from her, gushing about what kind of father Drake would be.

"He has already promised to take all the late night diaper changes." Riley giggled.

Elisse didn't bother to hide her eye roll, earning a slight kick from her cousin.

Amalas sent her the look that somehow conveyed the reminder that they were trying to gain favor with the woman carrying the royal heir so stop making faces at every little thing she says.

Feeling somewhat chastised for possibly letting her cousin down, Elisse averted her gaze and poured herself another cup of tea.

How much longer are we going to have to sit here?

"Bradshaw would have fainted dead away if I remotely asked him to change one of the twins diapers." Isabella's brittle smile formed with the mention of her husband and children.

Elisse's eyes narrowed somewhat as she studied Auvernal's queen. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was something not quite right. She cut her eyes to Amalas, wondering if she too was seeing this.

Her cousin tucked a lock of her own hair behind her right ear and gently tugged on the earlobe.

Elisse returned her attention to the conversations, satisfied with that secret signal that Amalas not only saw it but was planning on investigating it further.

"What about you?" Riley asked.

Elisse glanced up and realized that all eyes were on her.

"I'm sorry." She stammered. "Did you ask me something?"

"Can you picture your husband changing diapers?" Riley prodded.

"I'm not married." Elisse forced a pleasant smile. "It's difficult enough imagining him doing so when I don't even know what he looks like."

"Oh!" Riley glared over at Madeleine. "I'm sorry. I was told you were married."

Madeleine chuckled softly. "Perhaps if you read the reports I give you, you wouldn't make a mistake like that."

Riley ignored her and focused once more on Elisse. She was determined to find out more about this woman who seemed to always find a way to be near Liam.

"Enough baby talk." She decided. "Let's talk romance."

"Zeke is taking me to Switzerland next week." Penelope shyly said. "A trip for just the two of us."

Kiara laughed. "He is so excited about it. It is all he talks of whenever one of us asks him something." She smiled at Penelope's blush. "Très romantique, non?"

"Very." Hana sighed. "You two are so sweet together."

"Anyone else have that special someone?" Riley asked. "Or needs a little help from Cupid to get them to act right?"

Olivia shook her head. "By Cupid, you mean you."

"I do." The duchess replied. "I know all about stubborn men trying their hardest to keep from being with the perfect person for them."

Elisse sat up a little straighter. "Is that how you and his grace got together?" She did her best to make her question sound like polite curiosity. "Did you have to convince him to be with you?"

Amalas stilled. She had been the one to tell Elisse all of what happened during Liam and Madeleine's engagement tour.

Riley had a dreamy expression on her face. "Drake Walker put up quite the fight. It took all my I had to get him to be with me."

"When did you realize he was worth it?" Elisse asked while turning in her chair so that Amalas couldn't kick her again. "Most would have focused on someone who seemed interested."

Olivia snorted in agreement. "I will never understand how you could choose Walker over Liam."

Riley's smile turned tender. "What can I say? He was a complete marshmallow whenever we were alone. I saw past his snark and knew he had to be mine."

"I think it's terribly romantic." Hana added. "He has shown over and over that you are the most important person in his life."

While Hana and Riley went through the list of things that made Drake perfect, Elisse tbought of Liam's actions in each scenario.

"He took a bullet for her." Hana explained to the visitors.

"I will begrudgingly give him credit for that." Olivia grumbled. "That and for helping take Anton down."

Elisse mentally countered that with Liam coming and facing Anton and his minions alone to rescue the couple.

"He sounds like he will be a protective father." Amalas interjected before they continued to extol his virtues. "One that knows the value of family."

Issabella narrowed her eyes at her. "I agree. Which is why I would love to have him as father-in-law to one of my," she took a gulp of tea, "darling twins."

While the two queens tried to sway Riley toward choosing their children, Liam stepped into the sunroom.

Regina looked up and smiled. "Liam dear, would you care to join us for a cup of tea?"

He shook his head. "Thank you, but I came in here for something else." His charming smile flashed to the ladies. "I do hate to interrupt, but I need to speak to Lady Elisse a moment."

She set her teacup down. "Yes, of course, your majesty."

When Liam noticed the curious looks, he explained that he needed her to clarify one of the requests in the document she had given him.

"Perhaps you need Queen Amalas too." Isabella smirked. "Since she is Monterisso's ruler. Plus, I'm certian Duchess Riley would enjoy hearing something other than Prince Josip's darling ways."

Amalas kept her cool and did not rise to the bait. "I would be more than happy to." She winked at her cousin. "But Elisse was such a help to me as I drafted it that she knows it as well as I do."

"We will only be a moment." Liam promised, setting Elisse's hand in the bend of his arm.

Riley, Olivia, and Hana all shared a knowing look.

Regina noticed their exchange and cleared her throat.

"Would anyone care for more tea?"

**************

Once they were out of earshot of the solarium, Elisse spoke up.

"What problem did you come across in the trade agreement?"

Liam's cheeks flushed. "Actually, I haven't seen any problem."

"Oh." She attempted to not let her imagination get away from her. "Then why did you take me away from the tea?"

Liam rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm not--that is--I" he chuckled softly while turning to face her. "I guess I simply wanted to see you."

Elisse doubted that anyone could be more adorable than Liam was in this moment.

She smiled and lowered her eyes. "Would it be too forward to say that I had hoped to causally bump into you while here for the tea party?"

"Definitely. Much too forward." He responded in a serious tone.

Her head jerked up and she saw the humor in his eyes.

She playfully pushed him away. "That certainly cured me of ever doing so again."

He laughed out loud, took her hand, and pulled her along with him.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"To my study to look over the documents."

"But I thought you said there wasn't a problem."

Liam opened the door for her. "There isn't. But one must have their alibis in order, m'lady."

"What am I to do with you?" She teased once he shut the door.

Liam allowed his heated gaze to settle on her. Her question sparked his imagination. There were several things he would love for her to do with him.

"Is this where you spend most of your day?" She asked, exploring his bookshelves.

"For the most part."

Her eyes cut over to him. His casual stance as he leaned against the door was one she was noticing happened whenever they were near one another. His image he maintained to the rest of the world was one of proper, ram rod posture. There was rarely any softening or relaxed muscles.

Except with me, she thought.

Still highly curious and a touch nervous, Elisse sat down on a small couch.

"The Queen Mother told us about the ball you're hosting. How are the preparations going?"

Liam shrugged on his way to sit near her. "They must be going well. No one has come to me with any problems yet."

She turned towards him. "Is it for a special reason?"

You mean other than wanting a night where I can easily steal you away?

Liam kept that response to himself. "I suppose it is. Now that Lady Riley has gotten over most of the morning sickness, we can host a ball in honor of the royal heir."

Elisse was unable to control her facial expression. "I see."

Liam's eyebrows drew together. He had noticed that same irritated expression appear whenever the viscountess heard that particular name. "Elisse, do you not care for Riley?"

Her lips parted, ready to admit how she truly felt about the one that had hurt him, only to close shut. She knew she needed to be more diplomatic for Amalas’s sake.

She turned away from him and shook her head. "She seems pleasant."

Elisse was surprised she didn't choke on that word.

"Pleasant?" Liam's lips began to curve.

"Yes." She pointedly looked out the window, knowing he was amused at her answer.

If I look at him, it will all be over, she thought. She had to fight to keep her smile from appearing as he slid closer to her.

"You find Lady Riley pleasant?" He propped his elbow on the back of the couch and rested his head on his hand. "I don't think I have ever heard such a mild compliment toward her before."

Elisse was unable to resist and turned back toward him. He quirked an eyebrow in silent question when she simply stared at his face.

All she could think about was how generous he had been. Allowing Riley to live here to be near Drake. Giving her a title and a castle. Hosting their wedding. Standing as best man. Fighting to save their lives with little regard to his own safety. And now to naming their child as his heir.

Kindness barely scratchs the surface, she thought.

"Elisse?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you thinking so hard about?"

Without pausing to consider if she would end up embarrassed by her answer, she said exactly what was on her mind.

"You."

Liam didn't think any other answer could possibly top that one.

He slid his hand over hers. "I think of you often."

"You do?"

"No." He grinned at her frown. "It is more than often. You are rarely if ever far from my mind."

Her warm smile returned. "I suppose I am the same way."

Liam drummed up the courage to ask her out. "Elisse, would you--"

"Liam, I wanted to--" Riley's eyes widened at the pair on the couch. "Sorry. Drake told me he had seen you come in here. I didn't know you were still reviewing..."she noticed there wasn't one scrap of paper between them, "trade documents."

"We cleared that matter up quickly." Liam kept a hold on Elisse's hand. "Is there anything you need, Riley?"

"Yes, um, the ball. What exactly did you have planned?"

"Is there anything other than dancing, drinks, and food that Cordonians do at balls?" Elisse teased.

Liam chuckled. "Other than taking a moment to obsess over our apples, not really."

Riley narrowed her eyes. Their little jokes and touches were more serious than she thought.

"I wanted to come in and offer my help, if needed." She muttered.

"Thank you, but everything is under control."

Riley hesitated a moment. "Liam, Drake and I were hoping to speak with you," she glanced at Elisse, "privately."

Liam sighed softly. "I'll join you and Drake in the west drawing room in a moment."

"Okay." She couldn't think of a reason to stick around and see what was going to happen between him and the viscountess.

Once she shut the door, Elisse focused on Liam. "I suppose I should find Amalas."

"Not yet, please." He lowered his eyss to her hand in his. "Lady Elisse," he cleared his throat, "I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me one night."

"Of course. I know we should to discuss the terms--"

"Not for work." He quickly interrupted. "I'm asking you for a date."

Elisse wondered if he could hear her heart pounding. "I would love to."

Liam released the breath he had been holding. "Then I will call you this evening and we will discuss the details."

She stood up, suddenly more nervous than she had been. "I look forward to it."

Liam lifted her hand to his lips. "So do I."

***********

"Drake, they were definitely not talking about trade deals." Riley paced back and forth. "He was holding her hand!"

"Take it easy." He placed his hands on her shoulders. "You know stress isn't good for you and the baby."

"What if Liam starts insisting that we sign an arranged marriage between our baby and Queen Amalas's son?" She cradled her small belly. "What will we do then?"

"We'll fix this." Drake reassured her. "Aren't you the one to point out how we always find a way to defeat those that come at us?"

She slowly nodded.

"Then don't worry." He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. "We got this, Brooks."

The couple looked up when Liam came into the room.

“You wished to speak to me.” He sat down in one of the chairs.

“Liam,” Drake began, “what were you speaking to Elisse about?”

“We were discussing dinner plans this week.”

"Dinner plans? You have a date with Elisse?" Riley asked.

"Yes." Liam didn't bother to hide his smile. "We've had dinner and lunches together numerous times, but..." His voice held a hint of the true happiness he felt. "It has always been work related. I thought it was time for us to be together for no other reason than because we want to."

"But she's the Spy queen's cousin!" Riley exclaimed.

Liam quirked an eyebrow at her. "I know who her family members are."

Riley motioned to Drake to say something.

He cleared his throat. "Li, you know we only want to see you happy." He shifted under Liam's piercing gaze. "But we don't know if we can trust Amalas or anyone associated with her."

"I know I can." Liam's tone held a warning to not push him on this. "Elisse has never brought up the subject of your child marrying Amalas's son."

"She is probably waiting until you get more comfortable around her." Riley grumbled. "Seems like something a secret agent would do. Seduce the target into agreeing--"

Liam's hand slammed down on the end table next to him, causing the couple to jump in surprise.

"That's enough!" He snapped. His kingly authority reverberated within the formal drawing room. "I won't hear another word against Elisse." His blue eyes sparked with fury. "What proof do you have?"

"None." Riley stepped back from his glare. "Liam, you're so trusting that anyone can take advantage of your kindness."

"Yes," his soft tone scared them even more than his shouting. "I can see where you would both think that, given that I trusted you."

"Liam, what are you talking about?" Riley asked.

"I'm talking about the fact that nearly three years ago I trusted you with my heart." His eyes went from one to the other. "I laid it at your feet, Riley, and asked Drake to guard you while I tried to help uncover this conspiracy against you." He folded his arms. "If anyone shouldn't be trusted in this kingdom at the moment, it would be the two who betrayed me in the worst possible way."

Tear slipped down Riley's cheeks. "Liam, I...I thought you understood." She swallowed. "You stood there as Drake's best man at our wedding. You named our child your heir."

"Just because I understood, forgave you, and accepted it; that does not necessarily mean that I have forgotten." He replied. “I still trust you, but I have become more cautious in doing so.”

"Liam," Drake's voice cracked with regret. "I'm sorry. I had no idea you still felt--"

"I don't." Liam interrupted. "I haven't for a while now." His stance relaxed with his next words. “Since meeting Elisse, I have realized that I am able to move on from the past.”

He thought of the excitement he felt just in anticipating seeing her again. That desire to touch her. Finally feel what her lips against his. Seeing her smile. Holding her close.

He focused again on two people he still considered his best friends. "Regardless of what her cousin does, Elisse is innocent. She is the woman I intend on knowing on a personal level. You either support me in that and treat her with every bit of friendship and courtesy she deserves or you can return to Valtoria until you are able to do so."

With that, Liam left the couple with jaws dropped.

**************

Pier at Cordonia’s Capital a few nights later...

"Elisse?" Liam called out when he finally reached The Semblance sailboat.

She popped up from the galley. "Liam?"

His smile formed when she came over.

She climbed up the side, held onto the various ropes, and leaned forward. "Ready to come aboard?"

"You know, I'm not exactly fond of boats." He admitted. "One too many bad experiences."

Her smile turned tender. "I know. That's why we aren't going sailing." She tilted her head to where she had a table set. "I just wanted a spot where I could have you to myself."

Liam grabbed the same ropes and pulled himself until he was face to face with her. His lips curved at her slight intake of breath. "I could be on board with that."

She rolled her eyes playfully while groaning. Gripping his blazer she tugged him onto the boat. "Only you are cute enough to get away with that awful pun."

"I try." He teased.

She slipped her arm around him. "I hope you like what I prepared." Her eyes darted around as if she was worried someone would overhear. "Felix has been trying his hardest to teach me how to cook."

"Elisse, you shouldn't have gone to so much trouble." Liam tucked her long dark hair over her shoulder. "Just having a moment with you away from court and our duties is enough for me."

"Liam," she slid her arms up his chest, "I have a confession."

He placed his hands on her waist. "Oh?"

"Years ago, Amalas began a file on you." Her eyes darted to his lips before lifting once more to his crystal clear blue eyes. "And I read it."

Liam grimaced. "It sounds like you're about to say something I'm not going to like."

Her tender smile caused him to pause in pulling away.

"On the contrary," she stepped closer to him, "everything I read, I liked." Her dark brown eyes held his. "That's why I hope you like everything I've done."

Unable to resist the temptation any longer, Liam captured her lips in a heated kiss.

Her fingers tangled in his hair as he continued the sweet exchange.

Their eyes met as they began to part, only for them both to rush forward in a more passionate kiss.

"Liam." She said in a breathless voice when his lips brushed her cheek. "I've been waiting on you to do that for months now."

He chuckled, cuddling her close. "You have no idea how often I wanted to shove everything off my desk and yank you on it."

Her eyes twinkled. "I might have had similar thoughts."

He thought his face was in danger of being set in a permanent goofy grin.

A breeze brought their attention back to the carefully set table.

"I don't want to let your dinner go to waste." He murmured, kissing her neck.

"It probably tasted horrible anyway." She smiled at hearing his laughter. "I would like to get a second date out of this. My dinner might have sent you running as far away from me as you can."

"It wouldn't." He pressed his forehead against hers. "I have no intention of running away from you, Elisse."

Her smile took his breath away. With a slight joyful squeal, she kissed him once more.

"Would you like to lay here and watch the stars appear?" She motioned toward another section of the boat she had piled with an air mattress, blankets, and pillows. A bucket with chilled champagne was on hand with two glasses.

"Love to." He let her go, watching as she retrieved some strawberries and set them nearby their pallet.

He popped the champagne and filled their glasses.

"What should we toast to?" He asked.

"To the longest waited first date ever." She tapped her glass against his. "And how happy I am to finally be here with you."

Liam held her gaze as he downed his glass. He set it to the side and pulled her back in his arms. "Nowhere near as happy as I am."

****************

A few ships over, Olivia lowered her binoculars.

“The date seems to be going well.” She whispered.

“Do you think she can be trusted?” Hana asked.

“There’s only one way to know for sure.” Olivia passed the binoculars to her accomplice. “We need to dig up all we can on the viscountess and queen from Monterisso as well as everything I can on Auvernal’s monarchs.”

“If Liam falls in love with her,” Hana took a deep breath, “it will hurt him horribly if we discover she is using him.”

“He’s already been through so much.” Olivia murmured. “I don’t want to be the one to deliver news like that to him.”

“But we promised Riley we would investigate Elisse.” Hana shifted. “Do you think she is wrong about suspecting her?”

“I--” For the first time, Olivia doubted they needed to spy on Elisse. “I honestly don’t know.”

#misfortune's intentions #choices the royal heir #liam x oc #drake x riley #trh liam #choices trh #trh drake #choices olivia #choices hana

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eleanorbloom · 4 years

Text

[OH] When You’re Ready Ch. 03

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything of the Open Heart World. The name Eleanor Bloom and her story was created by me, though.

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.

Word Count: 4.8k

Warning: Angst, adult language, and smut.

Summary: Bryce has decided to let go of Eleanor because she’s in love with Ethan Ramsey. But a turn in her relationship with the attending might change Bryce's plans.

A/N: Thank you so much for all your kind words and your support.

I have the urge to remind you all that English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes. As a perfectionist, I’ve been having a hard time trying to make this fic the more comprehensible as it can be. I know my English doesn’t suck, that your people understand what I write (lol) but I’m sure there are some idioms or, I don’t know, the order of the words that may seem off, and I can't help but feel bad about it. Just know that this happens because I’m a Spanish speaker trying to write a fanfic in English.

That’ll be all. Lots of love to my readers

Let me know if you wanna be added to the taglist! :)

Taglist: @utterlyinevitable @binny1985 @laiba-the-person @choicesficwriterscreations @shanzay44

______

Chapter Three: All I Ask.

It matters how this ends

‘Cause what if I never love again?

Eleanor walked into the locker room feeling her heart in her throat, a knot threatening to make her explode with rage and bitterness once again. When she reached for her locker, she found Sienna already fully dressed to leave Edenbrook.

“Oh my god, Ellie, are you okay?!” Sienna inquired as she perceived the mortified expression on her face.

“I’m not”

“What happened? Did you… Did you speak with Dr. Ramsey?”

“I did”

“And?”

Eleanor couldn’t help but let a few tears stream down her face, but she managed to avoid the sob.

“He’s going to the Amazon with the WHO”

“What?! Oh my god, that’s big”

"And he’s leaving tomorrow”

“Oh no. Ellie, I’m so sorry ”

Suddenly, all traces of sadness and rage disappeared from her. She wiped the tears off her face and cleared her throat.

“Don’t be. Let’s get outta here, I need a drink”

"Okay, I’ll text the others to meet at Donahue’s”

Sienna eyed Eleanor with concern. She wanted to tell her to stop suppressing her feelings, to stop pretending she didn’t care, but she preferred to keep it quiet, hoping that at some point she would explode and let everything out. Because she had spent all those weeks pretending that she didn’t care, that it didn’t hurt to ignore Ramsey, that it didn’t hurt that he didn’t care that she was ignoring him. Nearly five months of pent-up emotions.

An hour later, Eleanor was at Donahue’s with Bryce and her new best friend, the vodka. Elijah was with Phoebe choosing a few songs on the jukebox to dance to; Sienna was with Danny and other nurses playing darts and Jackie and Rafael were deep in conversation at the bar. Bryce had noticed her mood but didn’t want to ask her directly, since he guessed who was responsible. Instead, he preferred to join her to drink, without judging that she was almost drinking the entire bottle of vodka by herself without any coyness, although he was willing to make her stop when it became dangerous for her health.

Suddenly, Eleanor’s face sparkled with fury. Bryce turned to check the source of her discomfort, knowing perfectly well who it was. Ethan was at the bar talking to Reggie as he took a seat.

“You’re so predictable, Ethan Ramsey"—She muttered as she took the shot of vodka in one sip—"I bet he’ll have a couple of shots, waiting for the moment when I’m alone, and if doesn’t find me alone he’ll just switch to some non-alcohol drink because he will have to wait for me until I decide to go home. All that wait just to cry apologies for something he didn’t want to say, but said anyway”

Bryce smirked as he heard her rant.

"Do you want me to leave you alone so you can talk to him?”

“No! No, please, I don’t want to make it that easy for him. I want to see what he’s capable of. If he’s just going to be a shitty wary that’s going to expect to find me alone, or if he’s able to get right up to me. Please don’t leave me alone, Bryce.

“Don’t worry, Elle, I won’t leave you alone if that’s what you want”

“Thank you, Bryce. You are the best”

“I know I am. Cheers for that”

They clanged their glasses and took another shot.

“Why are you so mad, by the way?”

Eleanor told him their talk with the details that only a drunk and upset person can do it.

“So, he’s leaving then? And he didn’t even tell you?”

“No. He didn’t want to tell me”

“Oof, what a douche. Hun, why do you let him treat you like this?”

“I don't know. I don’t know why I have allowed this torment for so long. But I got tired. I don’t care anymore. If he stays, if he goes. I don’t know why should I care when he has never cared for how bad I’ve been all this time”

Bryce looked at her with a sad expression. He hated to see Eleanor that way. Crying, hopeless. Suffering. He took her hand tenderly.

“Eleanor, I’m so sorry”—He said, caressing the back of her hand—“You don’t deserve anything you’re going through. It’s okay to be angry, you can’t allow him to treat you like that”

“I know”—She replied in a tiny voice.

“And you can’t keep wasting your time with someone who doesn’t value you, Elle. He may love you, but if he really valued you, he wouldn’t treat you like that. He wouldn’t let you suffer like that”

Bryce stroked her cheek, looking right into her tear-filled eyes.

“You’re right, Bryce"—She stared right into his eyes without looking away, then wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

“You deserve the world, Eleanor”

She couldn’t help but give him a big smile as her cheeks flushed.

Then she turned her gaze to the bar and realized that Ethan was with a tense posture making glances toward their table. Seeing Eleanor cry and be comforted by Bryce surely challenged his nerves more than he was willing to admit.

About fifteen minutes later, her friends began to return to the table to start the Karaoke session. They had fun with some of their favorite songs and other classics requested by other clients. Then was Eleanor’s turn to sing a song. She felt a twist on her stomach.

“Eleanor, it’s your turn, what did you request?”

“All I Ask”—She replied to Elijah, simply.

Everyone at the table stared at her.

"Eleanor…"—Bryce whispered—"Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes. I’m done hiding my feelings, pretending he didn’t hurt me just to make him feel the less uncomfortable”

The melody began to play, and Eleanor already felt her heart shatter without even having started the first line. Her friends stared at her for a few moments and then looked away at the awkward situation that was coming.

“I will leave my heart at the door

I won’t say a word

They’ve all been said before, you know”

Eleanor was heartbroken and drunk, and practically putting on a show in front of all Donahue’s, but deep down her friends knew that that was what Eleanor needed right now, to release all her feelings in front of Ethan, though not directly. Because Eleanor had been holding back all these months, resisting love, the desire to be with Ethan, resisting the urge to stand in his office or his home and ask him once again to stop pushing her away and to be together once and for all, more times than she had already done. She had swallowed the love, the pride, the pain in inhuman ways. But what had happened today was the culmination of too many repressed feelings, and if her way of finding catharsis was through the saddest, cheesiest, and most heartbreaking song Adele had ever written, then so be it.

“So why don’t we just play pretend

Like we’re not scared of what is coming next

Or scared of having nothing left”

Eleanor took all the courage she had and turned her gaze to Ethan, who was staring at her with the most mortifying look she had ever seen on him, and she had seen plenty: When Dolores passed away, when he found out Banerji had a month to live. He was not holding anything, the pain, the guilt, the embarrassment.

“Look, don't get me wrong

I know there is no tomorrow

All I ask is

If this is my last night with you

Hold me like I’m more than just a friend

Give me a memory I can use

Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do

It matters how this ends

‘Cause what if I never love again?”

At least Eleanor had a very good voice to sing the songs of Adele, so she wasn’t embarrassing herself too badly. Of course, she was not as good as Adele herself but made a few good notes, and the alcohol had given her too much courage to go for the high pitches, and the anger gave her too much feeling to sing with such a passion, that she astonished to all her friends. She was actually killing it.

-"I don’t need your honesty

It’s already in your eyes

And I’m sure my eyes, they speak for me

No one knows me like you do

Eleanor looked directly at Ethan again.

And since you’re the only one that mattered

Tell me who do I run to?"

The words came out with such rage from her core, that Ethan felt as if she had said it a few inches from him, and not indirectly through a song and standing several feet away from him. And he felt every one of her words, every look, every drop of anger and sadness. He acknowledged receipt of all this and accepted his responsibility. He felt broken at the sight of her because he wanted to do so much to ease her pain. But he couldn’t.

After the song was over, Eleanor returned to her place with tears on her face but not one iota of embarrassment.

“Eleanor, that was truly beautiful”—Sienna said, tears on her face too—"Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m feeling better, I think it took a lot of weight off my shoulders”

“That is the important thing”

“You were very brave”—Bryce said caressing her back.

“Guys, I just ridiculed myself in front of the whole bar and you guys are treating me like I’ve won a war”

“You did something for yourself that you should have done months ago. Show how you really feel”—Sienna replied, serious.

“Well…”

“We are proud of you, Eleanor”— Elijah added.

“It’s about damn time you take care of yourself and don’t let Ramsey do whatever the fuck he wants”—Continued Jackie.

“Even if that means to sing a sad song in front of him”—Concluded Sienna.

After that, Eleanor was in a better mood and managed to distract herself from all she had been through that day. However, the presence of Ethan, sitting there at the bar, probably waiting for her, was a latent nuisance in her stomach.

A few hours later, Eleanor and her friends decided to go home. The moment she passed by his side, Ethan got up from his seat and walked towards her.

“Rookie”.

His disposition had changed from hell to heaven. She was no longer Dr. Bloom. She was Rookie again.

“What is it, Dr. Ramsey?”

Ethan looked at her sadly at the coldness in her response.

“Can we talk?”

Eleanor looked away to the floor, anger washing over her again. Then she looked back at him, who was waiting for her answer with pleading eyes.

“About what? I’m going home”

“I know … I-“

“I’ve been here the last four hours, I’m sure you could’ve looked for me in all this time… But obviously you waited for me to want to go home to do it?”

Ethan knew she was berating him. She shook her head.

“I was hoping you weren’t such a coward and would look for me directly. But you behave like a shy teenager who has never spoken to a woman in his life”

“Eleanor, are you coming?”—Jackie asked.

Her friends were at the door, first-hand witnesses of her exchange with Ethan.

“No, I stay. Don’t worry about me”

Eleanor looked at Ramsey coldly. They took a seat in the back of the bar so no one could hear them.

“So? I thought we were done”—She broke the silence between them.

“No, we are not done, Eleanor”

Ethan lowed her head, pondering his words.

“If… If I didn’t tell you about my trip to the Amazon, was because I wanted to make things less difficult for us. The last time we spoke I made myself clear that we can’t be together not because I don’t want to, but because we can’t. And when I noticed you started to avoid me, I thought maybe you finally understood my point, and I was okay with that”

“Then why you threw all over my face that I was ignoring you, like you weren’t okay with that?”

“Because I realized that you didn’t do it because you understood my point. You did it to piss me off. To return the favor. As vengeance. So, if you did actually ignore me with that motive in mind, you didn’t have the right to reclaim something from me”

“I…”—Her cheeks turned red.

“That’s not the point now, Eleanor”—He interrupted—"What I’m trying to say is… You can’t stop saying that everything I’ve done it’s because I want it, that I’m responsible of all your misery. But let me be clear. I don’t want it, Eleanor. I don’t want to be apart from you, I don’t want to ignore you. I’ve never wanted to spend the last five months ignoring your existence, not be able to talk to you, not to even look at you”

Eleanor observed his features, tracing all sense of honesty and determination. She knew he wasn’t lying or playing the victim.

“I’m not comfortable with this”—He continued—"I’m not okay with that but if that’s what allows me to be away from you to not interfere in your career, I’m willing to do that and more. I know it’s painful for you, that it’s not the best option for both of us. But this is the only way I can cope up with the situation”

“The only way… Ethan, are you sure not talking to me, not even looking at me the is the only option?”

“To me, it is”—He responded categorically—Eleanor, what I want is to be with you. If I could, I would’ve never let you leave my bed the first time we made love, or I would’ve never get up from your bed the last time we were together. If I could, I would live in that dream all my life. But I can’t”

Tears started to stream down her face. Again. His words broke her in million pieces. Because she couldn’t stop reliving those nights in all these months. Now she was realizing Ethan couldn’t either.

“I need you to understand that I’ve never wanted to hurt you. If my actions have hurt you, I’m sorry, but I mean it when I say I’ve never wanted anything of this to happen. I would love to make you happy in the ways you want. Believe me. But you have fought so hard to be here, Eleanor. Years to get to be at Edenbrook. Years and especially difficult months to get the Junior Fellow position. I can’t let you jeopardize your career nor your reputation”

Eleanor was speechless. She felt dumb, like a stupid teenager that let herself go on emotions and never thought through the real meaning of all his actions. She still felt a little pissed off, because there were still a lot of things Ethan should have avoided telling her and that were mean. But everything else he had done was… reasonable. Fair. Thoughtful.

“Ethan… I’m sorry for yelling at you like that. I feel embarrassed about how childish I was today”

“No, Eleanor. I still believe that you have every right to be mad at me because I didn’t tell you I would be out. I always knew I should’ve told you, but I was afraid. I’m a coward as you said. I didn’t want to face this conversation. Your pain. But you deserved more”

Eleanor nod.

“Well, yeah. You should’ve told me. But I made an outburst. I didn’t want to listen to you, I was being stubborn just to get what I want, but maybe I’ve never really put myself in your shoes”

“That’s all I ask. To understand why I’m doing this from my point of view”

Suddenly, Reggie approaches.

“Ethan, I’m sorry, but we are about to close”

“Thank you, Reggie”

Eleanor grabbed her purse and walked to the door followed by Ethan.

Eleanor turned to him.

“I believe you when you tell me you’ve never wanted to hurt me by staying away from me. But there have been plenty of times when you have hurt me by behaving like a dick to me, unnecessarily. Because one thing is avoiding to talk to me, but you have ignored me, you have been cruel, you have looked at me like you hate me”

“Yes. I know. I hope you can forgive me one day”

“I could forgive you, but I’ll only do it when I feel assured that you won’t do it again and I think there’s not enough time for that now”

Ethan stared without saying a word. He knew he couldn’t promise her that. He knew himself.

“Well, I think you can go in peace now that we have left everything clear, don’t we? Have a nice flight, I hope the mission is a success and you return safely. Bye”

Eleanor started to walk down the street to get a taxi.

“Why are you leaving like that? You’re not even going to say goodbye?”

“I said bye. That’s a goodbye. Or was it too informal? Goodbye Dr. Ramsey. There you have”

Ethan took her arm, forcing her to look into his eyes. Hers were reddened, tired, anguished. Like she was holding a ton of pain on her mind.

“Eleanor…”

“What, Ethan, what?“—She answered as her voice was breaking. She didn’t want him to go. But she had to let him go. To let that goodbye lingering more than necessary would only do her more harm than it had already done her.

“Let me take you home”

No. She would lose her mind if she let that happen. But she wanted it so bad.

“You were drinking”

“I drank whiskey when I arrived, after that, just lemonade, because I figured I’d have to wait until the end of the night to talk to you”

She wanted so bad to be with him as much time as possible. But she was trying to respect Ethan's intentions. But… He was leaving tomorrow. That was the last time she would see him in god knows how much time.

“Okay, let's go”—She agreed.

They walked silently back to the hospital, where Ethan had his car parked. The journey was silent. Ethan didn’t even dare to turn on the radio. They were only accompanied by the noise of the engine and other vehicles traveling through the streets of Boston at 3 am.

Eleanor wanted to say so many things, but it would make everything worse. So she lost herself in the smell of his car. Every time she sensed that smell on someone’s car o in any place, it reminded her of him.

She had always had a particularly olfactory memory, and although most of the time it brought her good memories of her childhood or adolescence, in terms of relationships it always brought her bittersweet memories, melancholy, regret.

She knew that smell—The smell of Ethan’s car, a scent of pine and musk—, or his smell — a fresh citric scent—would only bring her pain.

Ethan parked outside the apartment. The street was lonely, no one could be seen in the distance, and the only sound was the murmur of cars passing by the main avenue. A lump wove in her throat. She was afraid.

Eleanor turned to him to say goodbye. She wanted to make it simple. She could swear that she wanted to make it simple.

“Have a good trip, Ethan, I hope you get back safely”—She spoke softly as she hugged him.

"Thank you, Eleanor”

“Text me to know that you arrived safely, please”—Eleanor asked, looking straight into his eyes. Those sky-blue eyes that were always the beginning of all her madness.

Ethan caressed the nape of her neck with his thumb and then he closed his eyes while pressing his forehead into hers, trying to absorb all her presence, the silkiness of her hair, the sweet scent of her neck, the warmth of her skin, of her hands. Before Eleanor could pull away, he sighed:

“I hope one day you finally understand that everything I’ve done, everything I’m doing, is for you. Because it's never been about me, Eleanor. The only thing that matters to me is that you become the brilliant and successful doctor you really deserve to be”

There were so much sincerity and pain in his speech that Eleanor pulled away from him so she could see his eyes. She stroked his cheek.

“I know, in a way I understand it, Ethan… But I can’t accept that path has to be this painful… And so unfair”

“Life isn’t fair, Eleanor”

Eleanor wanted to refute him that in this case, life had nothing to do with it. Because life wasn’t being unfair to her. He was being unfair. But she was unable to say a word. She was mesmerized by Ethan’s look. His eyes that so many times had given her comfort, now they haunted her dreams, they didn’t let her sleep at night, and at that precise moment, was threatening the little sanity she had left.

After a few moments, they began to look at their lips, mere inches away from each other, until they finally gave in to the inevitable. A brush of lips so satisfying and full of redemption that they sighed in unison, to come together again in a more intense kiss, capturing and biting each other lips. Ethan felt Eleanor’s tears stream down his cheeks. To alleviate her own pain and avoid a sob, Eleanor stroked Ethan’s hair tightly in the back of his head, intensifying the kiss even more, sliding her tongue in his, and all over his lips.

Ethan didn’t have time to hesitate and was caught up by the same desire. Soon, he was sliding his hands under Eleanor’s coat, feeling the curve of her breasts, her waist, and her hips. It was a never-ending dance of lips, which was complemented by more caresses, and then Eleanor climbing on top of Ethan, straddling him with her legs.

On another occasion, she would have pulled herself together and walked away. But knowing that she wouldn’t see him again for a long time, it drove her crazy. And maybe not for a long time, but there was always the possibility that this would be the last time they would be together, that both of them would want each other. Because no one could foretell what would happen from now on, when both he and she had finally accepted that their relationship had reached a dead end and that it was up to Ethan to revive it, and he had been clear that that wouldn’t happen.

“Eleanor…”—He sighed, a glint of reluctancy in his tone. He gulped.

She ignored him and continued to kiss him passionately, as she began to move over Ethan’s lap gently.

"Deny that you want this"—She whispered a moments later—"Say that you don’t want me and I swear I’ll go”

Eleanor pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. It was dark, but she was able to see the sparkle in his eyes slightly. Eleanor’s anticipation was stifling as she felt Ethan’s bulge between her tights.

“I want you more than anything in this world”—He replied melting at the sight of her on top of him, his arms around her body.

Without wasting another second, she kissed him again, intensifying her movements over him.

“Eleanor"—He gasped, feeling an electric shock down his spine as he rested his hand over Eleanor's hips, pressing her against his crotch, rubbing each other as their moans began to invade the car.

Suddenly, Eleanor slid her hand between his tights, feeling his arousal under her fingers. He went to her pants, unbuttoned them, and shoved his hand under her panties. He felt her wetness, her desire. She sighed.

“Ohh, Ethan…”

“You’re so ready”

“Yes” She mumbled.

Ethan tried to lower her pants, but he couldn’t do much, due to the uncomfortable position. For a second, Eleanor thought they could have gone to her room but abandoned the idea immediately. She knew that Ethan could have second thoughts on their way to her apartment and she didn’t want to risk the possibility to be with him.

Instead, she returned to the passenger seat, took off her shoes, and after moving the seat backward, took off her pants and panties. Ethan imitated her and pushed the seat backward as well and began to unfasten his pants. Eleanor, anxious, unhooked his belt and pants before he could finish, and released his cock under the boxer, and lowered herself to slide her tongue in all his length, to finally cover the tip with his mouth and then go deep. After a few moments, she moved upwards, sucking him hard.

“Eleanor”—He sighed in pleasure.

The girl worked on him for a few moments, until Ethan stopped her and guided her to sit on his lap again. “Come here”

They kissed again, devouring each other, Ethan grazing her jaw, her neck greedily, while she was gasping loudly as the anticipation was taking her body, feeling his arousal right under her sex. Then he removed her sweater and pulled her shirt and bra up, exposing his breasts. He cupped them with both hands before taking his mouth straight to her chest and began to kiss them… and then to suck her nipples.

"Ethan” Eleanor moaned loudly “Yes!”

The sound of his breath while licking her nipples and the “smack” after his mouth sucked them resonated in the car, and it was just another source of pleasure for Eleanor. But there was still something both were missing. Eleanor shifted slightly as she directed his arousal towards her center.

“Fuck”—She sighed as Ethan was entering her.

It was a blessed feeling, although neither of them believed in God, least of all in religion. That pleasure, that ecstasy, was a catharsis after all those months containing their deepest feelings and desires, after reliving almost every night the precious time they had spent together and that now were long gone.

“Oh, I missed you"—He groaned, taking her butt harder, as he was picking up more speed.

“Fuck yes. I wanted you so bad”—She kissed him, tongues colliding, teeth biting and swollen lips asking for more and more.

“You feel amazing, Eleanor”

The noise of their bodies colliding filled the car, but they were soon muffled with the moans that each one was not able to suppress, in the face of the sensations that were overwhelming them.

If someone was passing by and they had caught them, they wouldn’t have cared. All that mattered at that moment, was the feeling of their bodies connected. The pleasure that one was producing in the other. The ecstasy, the madness of their touch. The smell of their bodies. Ethan went to her breasts taking one with her hand, sucking her nipples hard while the other hand was on her ass, gripping her roughly.

“Ethan, I’m close”

Ethan was holding back just to this moment. He grabbed her firmly by her hips and began to thrust her at an impossible pace. Eleanor couldn’t comprehend where all that sensations were coming from, how she started to melting so abruptly, because she climaxed just a few seconds later.

“Oh my god, ETHAN!”—She screamed as he felt her hot breath in his mouth. Her tights squeezed as she was climaxing and that was enough to make him cum crying out her name.

He saw Eleanor toppling over him resting her forehead into his. Ethan embraced her, trying to feel every inch of her exposed skin in his.

“I love you”—She whispered.

He tightened his embrace, just as he did the last time she had said those words, and Eleanor still couldn’t figure out if he did that to pent up and not say anything, or to catch some bravery to tell her something. Either way, she wasn’t waiting for an answer this time. She only wanted him to know, before leaving, that she still loved him.

After a few more seconds holding each other, Eleanor returned to the passenger seat. She took her clothes and began to put them on. He also fixed his clothes. Somehow, when she came back to reality, the atmosphere was just as tense and painful as before the kiss. Even though the orgasm was still latent between her tights, the fact of knowing that the goodbye had finally come, was shattering her.

She turned to him, look into his blue eyes for a brief second, and breathed:

“Have a good flight ”

And without further ado, she got out of the car towards the building.

“I love you too, Eleanor”—He said just as Eleanor closed the building’s door.

_____

Chapter 4.

37 notes · View notes

inspired-by-the-music · 4 years

Text

For You

Chapter 7: Love

Taglist: @jineunwootrash

If you would like to be added to the taglist of any of these blog’s works, please ask!

Laying with Taemin should have been uncomfortable because a) I always slept alone, b) I had never been so (willfully) close to another person, and c) we hadn’t known each other long enough to justify my wish to stay so close forever.

When I pointed out in a whisper that we had only shared our first genuine conversation under the moon a few nights ago, I saw the outline of Taemin’s frown in the dark. His voice created small vibrations in his chest (where my head laid over his sky blue pajama shirt) when he asked, “Do you think I’ll have to love you for years before my feelings count?”

As evidenced by the ragged breath that fell from his mouth, I hurt Taemin’s feelings without even trying. All that kept me from apologizing immediately was the fear that whatever I said might deepen his frown; so, instead of speaking, I felt around for his hand, pressed my freezing palm against his— warm— and threaded our fingers.

“I really want to know what you think, Lei.” He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

What did I think?

People rarely asked me, yet I tended to overthink my position on a given issue until I had exhausted every possible opinion. Maybe I was preparing for the occasion that never came— when somebody other than Lucas may value my outlook— until Taemin decided to wear my ribbon.

Although I had thought of little other than Taemin since that night in the garden— or maybe it started that night by the lake— I had no concrete thoughts. That’s why I stuttered, “I— I don’t know. I want you to love me or like me—”

Taemin said, “I do,” and I imagine that should have been the happiest moment of my life.

So why wasn’t it? Why did that ache in my chest return? Why did I long for him as if he were worlds away when I was in his arms? When would this— our bond— feel real?

“Then I want to believe you when you say that—” I didn’t pause to consider that I sounded like I was calling Taemin a liar— “but it sounds too good to be true.”

Taemin must have realized that there was nothing he could say. We were at another impasse. Silence fell over us, and I didn’t want it to stay, so I spoke through the discomfort.

“You have to understand who you are to me, Taemin.” Calling him an idol— stripping him of his humanity in such an intimate setting— was the worst thing to do.

Tracing my thumb along his knuckles, trying to feel that he was real, I carefully continued, “You are somebody I’ve admired for years. Yours is a voice I cherished long before you had anything to say to me. I loved you before I met you, and—” I hoped he wouldn’t think less of me for believing, “the problem with dreams coming true is that you always wake up or the dream becomes a nightmare.”

Taemin must have been shocked by my honesty. Seconds or hours or eternities passed quietly before he said, “I think that you should learn to enjoy dreams— if that’s what we are— as they happen. I think you can ruin the night if you spend the time worrying about what could happen when the sun rises.”

Of course, it occurred to me before that worrying achieves nothing. On some level, I always knew that I could benefit from learning to live in the moment— finding that balance between being a successful idol and being a happy person. Yet, it was as if Taemin had turned on the light with his gentle warnings that were always prefaced by the phrase, “I think,” because he was too humble to boast, “I know.”

I already decided that I didn’t want to be lonely.

Then, as silence fell again, I decided that I didn’t want to be incapable of appreciating beauty until it had faded out of my grasp. That’s why I lifted my head from Taemin’s chest: I wanted to admire him. I wanted to really see him clearly.

I didn’t expect that he would be looking at me as if patiently waiting for me to return his gaze.

Before I could sort through my thoughts, I was saying his name. “Taemin, I just really want you to be here when the sun rises.”

If he was as shocked by the mid-night declaration as I was, he certainly didn’t show it with that radiant smile. “Okay,” was all he said before holding my head against his chest where I heard it: his heart was soaring, racing, beating for me like mine was for him.

. . .

Interviews— although often uncomfortable— were never as unbearable as a solo artist as they were as a member of SuperM. Part of the issue was that, without my phone, I couldn’t scroll through social media to educate myself on the popular topics of gossip.

It wasn’t so shocking when the first interviewer asked if Lucas and I were a couple. That question had been following us for years and (I guessed) the rumors about our supposed undying love were amplified by LX2’s existence.

I was winded, however, when the rumors started to stray from Lucas. Almost daily, in my place between Ten and Mark (or English line, as the fans called us, since our knowledge of the language facilitated the American interviews), I sat with my hands clenched into tight pale fists, jaw set, as I waited to discover which member I was alleged to be sleeping with this time.

The interview started, as they usually do, with a relatively unoffensive question: “Who from Korea do you keep in touch with while you’re on tour?”

The host was a middle-aged man— bearded and wearing glasses and a t-shirt— who twitched with every frequent sip from his coffee mug. He listened with feigned interest to the other members who answered with some variation of the fact that they stayed in contact with the members of their individual groups (except Baekhyun, who replied, “Super Junior’s Donghae,” just to watch my fists tighten in their place in the lap of my black skirt), before fixing his stare on me.

“What about you? You’re a solo act outside of SuperM, right?” It was promising at first, the realization that he had done some research, but my hopes that maybe— finally— I was participating in a legitimate interview crashed with the following question. “Do you have a boyfriend back in Korea that you text every night, you know, just to tell him, ‘hi, I love you, I promise I’m not hooking up with any of my superstar bandmates?’”

Questions like that made my blood boil. He didn’t want to know my answer. He didn’t care who I talked to or who I loved. He just wanted to watch me squirm as he pried into my personal affairs.

“Yes,” I said as calmly as possible, “I am a solo artist. No, I do not have a boyfriend in Korea—”

He raised his eyebrows, probably, in preparation to ask if my boyfriend was touring America with me, but I continued, “When I’m on tour, I try to find time to talk to Joy of Red Velvet or Amber Liu. If I need advice on something related to my performance, I’ll waste no time in calling Girls’ Generation’s Taeyeon.”

Why didn’t anybody ever ask about my friendships with those girls? It seemed wrong that everyone should be so fixated on my romantic relationships — of which there had only been one that was held as our precious secret— when I would have been more than happy to share the friendships that shaped me as a person and as an artist.

That interviewer seemed to share Baekhyun’s recently developed interest in making me as uncomfortable as possible. He asked the group, “So, was it hard to teach your new girl all of the choreography? Just how long did it take her to get it?”

In situations like that, I liked to think that I was somehow misunderstanding the question or mistaking the tone. Sometimes, that was the only way to keep myself from snapping. Sometimes, that was the only way I could sit there, legs crossed, without shattering my perfect posture and perfect smile.

Ten’s temper was as bad as mine— worse, actually— so I didn’t fully succumb to my irritation when he rolled his eyes at the question. I didn’t acknowledge that I had a right to be uncomfortable, that the interviewer was truly being rude, until Kai leaned forward to tap Mark on the shoulder and request, “Translate, please.”

As soon as Mark translated the question, Kai replied in rapid-fire Korean that I couldn’t quite keep up with, “That’s a stupid-ass question. Lei isn’t in the group just because she’s a girl or because she’s pretty or because she’s popular. She’s here because she’s talented. And we’re not here to answer stupid questions that belittle our members.”

We all stared at Kai as he sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting his lips. Ten and I, wearing twin stunned expressions, looked (along with the interviewer) for Mark to translate Kai’s answer.

“I — uh—” Mark stuttered— “Kai said, no offense— I added that part— but that question is kinda— no, really disrespectful to Lei.”

Ten agreed, jumping at the opportunity to strike the interviewer with his sass. “Yeah. For us NCT guys—” he gestured to the other NCT members— “although some of us are older, Lei is, like, our senior because she debuted first. We didn’t have to teach her anything. She teaches us.”

Mark translated Ten’s comment for the others, and Lucas and Taeyong murmured in agreement.

I shook my head despite the affection swelling in my chest. “No, that’s not true. You guys teach me a lot.”

The interviewer’s stare was all that kept me from saying that Taeyong taught me about leadership, integrity, and honest communication. Ten reintroduced me to the joy in dancing, which (for me) had become less of a soulful expression and more of a mechanical execution of choreography. Lucas taught me so much— too much to describe with words— but the most important lesson was to laugh like nobody is watching even though somebody was always watching. Mark reminded me that people— some people— even in the entertainment industry are good just for the sake of being good.

And I loved them for that, so I declared, “I love my members,” including (of course) Taemin, Kai, and Baekhyun (even though he was a little demon). I meant it so earnestly that I forgot to consider how my words could be perverted.

“Yeah, but which member do you love most?” The interviewer winked.

Gathering from my glare at his perversion of “love,” the interviewer redirected the question to the other members, asking, “So we all know it’s happening— who’s sleeping with Lei?”

Granted, I was technically sleeping with Taemin. We would never admit it in an interview, but we had fallen into the habit of falling asleep in the warmth of each other’s embrace. Maybe, then, my blush was caused by the embarrassment of a) having such an intimate aspect of my life aired publicly and b) having it questioned with so little understanding and respect.

Before I spoke my mind, Mark said the stupidest sentence in recorded history: “Look, man, as bandmates we’re all involved with each other, but we’re not, like, involved.”

Ten started growling, “What—” before I cut my eyes away from Mark to tear into the interviewer.

Of course, he didn’t shrink under my stare or burn from the flames flung by my narrowed eyes. It didn’t matter that he seemed to delight in my reaction; I spoke the truth not for his benefit but for mine.

“Aside from being disgusting— the fact that you can only look at me and see my worth as some sexualized creature— it’s appalling that you spread these rumors with absolutely no regard for how it affects my image and my career. These guys—” I shrugged in reference to the other members— “are expected to priorities their relationships with their fans above all else—”

“Don’t you think that’s a little ridiculous, though?” The interviewer slurped into his microphone as he took a sip of his coffee. “Don’t you think these guys should date if they want?”

Yes. Of course, I did. They deserved to do whatever would make them happy.

“What they do is none of my concern.” The words were diplomatic, but my tone was not. “It is a problem for me, however, that this narrative painted by those, like yourself, in the media depicts me not only as a disgraced idol but— more importantly— as somebody willing to squander artistic opportunities by sleeping with everybody in a band. Learn to respect me as a woman, an idol, or a human being. Take your pick.”

My hand raised to detach the microphone from the collar of my white button-down top cut just above the navel, but it paused when he asked, “If the standards are so harsh on idols— especially women— don’t you think you’re obligated to challenge the standard?”

His question— spoken so casually as if he weren’t advocating mindlessly for the impossible— should have stunned me silent. It didn’t.

“No,” I said not because I was the perfect idol, not because I wanted to uphold that illusion in that moment, but because I was emboldened by the reality, “I am an artist, not a revolutionary.”

Before the interviewer could challenge me further— before I could act on the pulsating desire to rip the microphone off, throw it onto the ground, and stomp it under my unnecessarily high red heels, Mom intervened with the muttered excuse that we had other events to attend. She even thanked that bastard for his time.

I know that was her job— I knew that then— but I felt too angry, too betrayed, to look in her direction afterward. Our relationship wasn’t even remedied in the car when she returned mine and Lucas’s phone with the instruction, “Behave from now on. And brace yourselves for the incoming social media storms when that interview is broadcast.”

Lucas was so thrilled to have his phone, his true best friend, returned that he dropped his arm from its protective place around my shoulders.

Instantly my screen lit from notifications of fans’ reactions to that interview. It must have been a live broadcast. Not quite ready to face praise or criticism, I locked my phone and shoved it into the narrow space between mine and Lucas’s body.

With my face burning from the realization that there would be no opportunity to edit or retract any part of my outburst— not that I really wanted to— I rounded on Mark, who sat right behind me (beside Taemin who, of course, sat beside Kai).

“What the hell was that about, Mark?” My imitation of his voice was so accurate that in the seat ahead of me, Ten threw his head back in a bitter sort of laughter. “‘We’re involved, but we’re not involved? What kind of stupid shit—”

Taemin had been smiling when I first turned around, but his expression turned to one of complete bewilderment. His understanding of the incident must have been limited by the interview’s language barrier. He whispered to Kai, “What’s wrong?”

As Kai (who had been donning a scowl that rivaled mine since his outburst) tried to explain the situation to Taemin, Mark stared at me with eyes so wide and guilty that I would have forgiven him instantly if I hadn’t spent so many years swallowing my frustration that I could no longer package my emotions back into their appropriate internal boxes.

“I’m sorry,” Mark stuttered, “I didn’t mean to say something so stupid—”

“Well, you did!” Ten whirled around to yell at him, brows angled and ears crimson. “If that’s going to be your contribution in interviews, I’m kicking you off English line!”

Mark argued, “You can’t kick me off English line! That’s not how it works! As long as I know English, I’m on English line—” he laughed nervously and reached for my shoulder— “right, Lei?”

Usually, I probably would have laughed along with Ten before siding with Mark. Even in that moment of rage, I worried that I was being too harsh on Mark. It wasn’t really his fault that the media (and that interviewer in particular) was so problematic. Still, that concern didn’t prevent me from crossing my arms, turning around and tugging sharply out of Mark’s reach, and fixing my gaze on the back of Ten’s seat.

As if sensing that I wanted nothing more than to go deaf to Ten’s bickering and Mark’s incessant pleas for me to “please turn around” and forgive him, Taeyong tossed me a pair of earphones and an apologetic grin— if you can really call it a grin.

Even after I plugged the headphones into my phone and tried to drown my anger in the music flooding into my ears, I rolled my eyes when Mom’s voice raised to snap, “Be quiet back there! I’m on an important call!” before saying into the receiver, “I’m back, Heechul.”

I could only vaguely hope that neither she nor Heechul would say anything loudly enough for Baekhyun, sitting in the passenger seat (one of the perks of being the leader), to hear.

Although Amber, Joy, and Taeyeon had brightened my day with their support, I didn’t feel like running to the pool with the guys when we returned to the hotel. While they were immersed in excited chatter, I beelined to the elevator, rejoicing when Baekhyun told Lucas (who must have been trying to follow me), “Give her space. If she’s anything like Momager, you don’t wanna be around while her temper is flaring.”

I wanted to be alone, but not because my temper was flaring. My furious blush had been abandoned in the car hours ago. Mostly, I was sorry for snapping at Mark— too sorry to look at him or even think of him without picturing the pained expression that settled on his face when I yelled at him— and bothered that my relationship with Taemin had been so misconstrued by that gross interviewer.

Bothered wasn’t a strong enough word, but I don’t know how else to describe how I felt. It wasn’t quite anger; my face would have been burning still, and I would have been grinding my teeth and balling my hands into fists as I pressed my back against the cold wall. It was more like sadness (but without the pain in my chest) because tears were blurring the edges of my vision, and my lips were trembling.

The tears weren’t quite ready to fall, so I was standing there with hands ready to catch them when he forced his way through the closing elevator doors. I don’t know if the doors were even closed before Taemin had his arms wrapped around me.

Because I hadn’t expected him to be so close again until the moon rose, I gasped at the contact, too stunned to return the affection. It was over as soon as it started, over well before the sounding of the chime announcing that we had arrived on our floor.

Neither of us spoke until we were inside the room, safe from prying eyes. Although we were still wearing our clothes from the day of interviews, although the sun had not yet set, Taemin sat on the bed we called ours— which was still unmade because we had to run downstairs after ignoring our first alarm that morning— and opened his arms for me.

The version of me who crawled to him wasn’t the same person I had been for most of my life. The version of me who was comfortable with wanting Taemin, who didn’t feel weak for leaning on him— she was a good person. I wished to be her all the time. I was hurt by the outside voices that said I couldn’t be.

Taemin didn’t ask me to explain why tears were swimming in my eyes, but I did. “I know that we can’t tell other people what we have. I don’t want to waste my breath explaining things nobody can understand anyway. But why do people who don’t even know us have to try to take what’s our and make it into something— something less than what it is?”

Taemin’s fingertips that traced the skin below the hem of my shirt were uncharacteristically cold; they made me shiver. “I don’t know,” he mumbled, “and I’m sorry that happened. I’m sorry I can’t carry more of the burden for you.”

I looked at his face and saw it in the tensing of his jaw: the frustration that he hadn’t been able to understand when I was under attack, the bitter knowledge that (even if he had known) he couldn’t have defended me without arousing suspicions that we were in a relationship.

Unlike the Lucas rumors that, despite persisting through years of rejection, carried no real weight because they were untrue, rumors about Taemin would have been suffocating because, to some degree, they were true. How would I be able to deny an outright allegation against us? Even if my words lied, my face would convey the truth that Taemin was my first love.

I was going to tell Taemin that he didn’t have to carry any burden for me— I only wanted him to hold me like this every night to brace me for the next day— but when I looked at him, I couldn’t speak. He was dressed as Taemin the idol, and for a fleeting second, I transformed into the version of myself who couldn’t believe that he was real and in this place with me.

“They can’t take what’s ours, though.” He linked our hands, smiled brightly, and he was real. “And that means nobody can make it less than what it is.”

Taemin pressed his forehead to mine. I imagine that he was giddy with the realization that our relationship— although unconventional and undefined (‘soulmates’ who weren’t ‘dating’)— was as significant to me as it had always been to him. I imagine that he might have kissed me if Mom hadn’t knocked on the door.

As I leaped from the bed to answer the door, Taemin snatched something from his suitcase, slid into the bathroom, and locked the door.

I carefully swallowed the red-hot anger I had been harboring toward Mom (since she thanked that interviewer for his time) before opening the door. She was on the phone again, but she held it away from her ear when I ushered her into the room.

She sat perched on the edge of the still-made untouched bed, placed the phone by her side, and said, “You know, Lei, as your manager, I have to discourage you from ever repeating your behavior from that interview this morning.”

Had I been able to find my voice as I stood there, staring down at her with tightly clenched fists, I would have wanted to spit back that I would say exactly what I said that morning every day for the rest of my life because it was true. The thing is, though, I think that kind of honesty was a once in a lifetime thing. The circumstances that prompted that outburst were a perfect storm; placed in an identical situation tomorrow, my voice might fail me.

“But as your mother—” a bright smile overwhelmed her stern expression— “I have to say that I’m very proud of you for standing up for yourself!”

When Mom flew off the bed to throw her arms around me, I wrestled with the thought that maybe she struggled to find the balance between mom and manager as much as I struggled to find the balance between human and idol. I thought she was a good mom and a good manager, and I might have told her if she hadn’t released me to grab her phone from the bed.

“There’s somebody else who wants to speak to you too.”

From that mischievous glint in her eyes, I should have expected Heechul’s voice to burst through the speaker when I held the phone up to my ear.

“KID—” he would always call me ‘kid’ no matter how old I was— “I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! NOBODY HAS EVER BEEN AS PROUD AS I AM OF YOU—”

I smiled as I held the phone away from my ear, squirming at the realization that if Heechul was congratulating me, I must have been a rogue idol.

Had anyone been paying attention to us, they would have noticed that Taemin and I walked to the pool together. Of course, we were careful not to hold hands or allow our gazes to linger, but whenever Taemin was near me, I felt that there must be some outward evidence of our bond.

I knew that it was better that the others were too engrossed in their volleyball game (except Ten, who sat on a sun chair in a well-shaded corner) to notice us until Lucas and Kai wildly beckoned for us to join the game. Yet, although I hadn’t so much as whispered to Lucas that there was something between me and Taemin, I was always slightly disappointed when none of these people— who were my closest friends— noticed what (to me) was impossible to ignore.

Taemin, clad in black swimming trunks, dashed to Kai’s side, but I explained my reluctance to join the game. “I don’t wanna get my hair wet.” Really, though, I didn’t want to shed my denim shorts.

As I walked to claim the seat next to Ten, Baekhyun cupped both hands around his mouth and yelled, “Lei! Bring me a drink!” and pointed to a small blue cooler.

When I held a freezing Sprite out to him, standing a safe distance from the edge of the pool because I expected him to pull me into the water, I teased, “You should really use your manners, Baek. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ are nice words.”

He swam over to me, opened the drink, and winked. “Thanks. Ya know, you should follow your own advice and go thank Ten over there.”

I wrinkled my eyebrows at Baekhyun as he gulped the drink down in one sip. “Why?”

“Ah!” Baekhyun beamed at the can as if it contained the best drink he had ever tasted or as if it had been his first drink after months of wandering through a desert. I rolled my eyes at his theatrics, and he laughed. “Oh! Because he came up with the best plan to get Momager and Donghae— Momhae, as I call them— together!”

Miraculously, nobody turned their head at Baekhyun’s hollering. I blinked at him as if that were an adequate defense against his devilish smile and feigned ignorance as best as I could. “What?”

Knowing that he had done enough to get under my skin— he had done enough to flash his hand without showing all the tricks he held up his sleeve— Baekhyun shrugged. “Why don’t ya ask Ten about it?” He suggested before swimming back to the volleyball game, leaving the Sprite can empty at my feet.

After tossing Baekhyun’s trash into the bin, I sat next to Ten. Pulling my sandaled feet onto the chair, I tried to study his expression to gather whether he actually knew about “Momhae.” Because he was wearing huge black sunglasses that covered most of his face, I couldn’t piece anything together.

I didn’t even know if Ten noticed me until a smirk tugged at his lips. “Like what ya see?”

I hadn’t even been looking at Ten like that, yet the suggestive lilt of his voice painted my face a pale pink. Maybe Ten couldn’t see my blush through his sunglasses, but I tore my gaze away anyway and sat back in my chair, arms crossed over my short cropped t-shirt.

Ten lowered his glasses to delight in my reaction to his teasing. Something about that sparkle in his eyes annoyed me— emboldened me to reply, “No, not really.”

Realizing that I wasn’t playing along with his flirtations, Ten’s jaw dropped (maybe to ask what was wrong with me), but I didn’t give him a chance to speak. “You shouldn’t be talking about my mom’s personal affairs with Baekhyun of all people.”

Ten only said, pitch high from confusion, “What?”

And I realized that Baekhyun tricked me into bringing Momhae up to another member. When he waved at me (just before Taemin launched the volleyball at his obnoxiously large head), I thought I could have murdered Baekhyun.

Ten knew absolutely nothing about Mom and Donghae. He probably hadn’t considered anything about Mom’s life outside of being a manager until I opened my big mouth. Now, he was looking for me to explain my outburst, and I only had time to briefly thank God that I hadn’t mentioned Donghae’s name before Lucas plopped down onto the foot of my chair.

I could have barked at Lucas for shaking his head like a wet dog and soaking me with pool water, but I was too grateful that he had come to dig me out of this awkward situation with Ten. Once he opened his mouth, however, I realized that Lucas was there to worsen matters.

As if Ten wasn’t sitting right there, still staring at me, Lucas said, “Dude, Lei, I’ve been meaning to tell you since, like, the start of the tour that Taemin likes you.”

Had I not known, I might have been as shocked as Ten, who sat up so quickly that his sunglasses fell onto the ground. “What? Taemin likes Lei?”

When my instinct was to hiss for Ten to be quiet, Lucas narrowed his eyes at me. “Wait. You’re not surprised enough. Did Taemin already tell you he likes you?”

I never stopped being surprised by how perceptive Lucas was. Usually, that trait made him a remarkable best friend because it enabled him to know when I was troubled without requiring an awkward exchange of feelings. In that moment, however, I wanted to kick Lucas for somehow knowing everything.

I didn’t lie exactly. “I don’t think Taemin likes me.” I didn’t think; I knew.

Neither Ten (who just liked to tease everybody) nor Lucas (who just wanted to know every intimate detail of my life) was satisfied by that response. When they continued to pester me about Taemin, I had to adopt the same tone I used in the interview to scold, “Cut it out, guys. I still have to sleep in a room with him tonight and for the rest of the tour, and you’re making it weird!”

My heart was still racing after they ceased their demands for more information. I was so overwhelmed by the fact that I had almost shared my two deepest secrets— Donghae’s love for Mom (which was directly related to her true identity as the idol who never debuted) and my love for Taemin— that I retired to my room early without apologizing to Mark, which was the entire reason why I walked down to the pool in the first place.

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act-addict-actors-matchups · 4 years

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@otomeramblings said,

I'm a girl, 23 years old, around 162 cm, with medium length dark brown hair (almost black) and brown eyes. I'm one of those people who are often asked "are you okay? Are you mad?" and no, more often than not that's just how my resting face looks lol

I'm a Scorpio and an INFP. According to my friends, I'm usually very sweet but no one likes to be around me when I get seriously angry ^^; I guess it's because i'm generally very soft spoken and I try to avoid conflict as much as I can, and when I'm upset is one of the times when I actually raise my voice. I have people tell me that I'm smart, but I just consider myself to be an overall average person. It usually takes me a while to fully trust someone but once they've earned my trust, I cherish their friendship for life.

I can fluently speak English and Spanish, and I recently got my English Translation degree. I love to read (both novels and manga) and to discover new music, I also really like dancing (I did ten years of ballet) and I recently rediscovered my love for drawing and writing.

Qualities I would like in a s/o:

-passionate, about anything, really. I'm usually very reserved unless I have something I really want to talk about and I appreciate when others listen, and for that reason I love to listen to people talk about things they're passionate about

-mature, not in relation to his hobbies bit more so in the sense that he can have a serious conversation when needed and take responsibility for his actions.

-patient. Being introverted and kinda awkward, I usually need time to recharge after being social and even while spending time together there will probably be silences when I think of what to say or even times when I'd just rather we spent it doing our own thing while being together.

Qualities I don't like:

-shouting. I hate it when people shout at me when they're mad because it makes me tear up immediately, I would much rather you tell why you're mad in a calm tone so we can work things out.

✧ The way I scREAMED when I saw your url 🤭 I love your writing so much skdhksdhksjd thank you for requesting a matchup. 😳💞 Stay safe! I hope all goes well for you!

I’d match you with: . . .

➜ HOW YOU TWO FIRST MET ; The blue sky was dotted with fluffy white clouds that drifted lazily in the gentle breeze while you were on your way to buy new drawing pencils. Your current ones were not exactly in the best condition after being used too many times. A sigh escaped from you as you fastened your pace. In all honesty, you would rather stay at home and maybe watch one of your shows but you knew if you didn’t go out to buy those now, you never would. As one particular building came to your sight, you suddenly stopped in your tracks. It was a flower shop. The vibrant display of flowers covered the table outside. Bold purple, soft pink and light lavender flowers sat right in front of you as well as some others you didn’t know the names of. The sweet smell of blossomed flowers filled your nose as you inhaled and exhaled. They were so beautiful that you couldn’t help but to reach at a lavender, the purple petals felt like soft velvet against your skin. The chime of the door opening ringed into your ears, drawing your attention away from the flowers in front of you. A man with a blue striped T-shirt, a pair of black pants and black leather shoes came out of the building with a bag you thought had flower seeds in it. A brown trench coat with a blue inner lining slung over his shoulder, beautiful, dark blue hair rustling as he gave his thanks to the employee before closing the door. The man turned around and you swear you stop breathing for a moment, because oh my god how dare someone this handsome come in to your field of view without a warning. After realizing that you’ve been staring at a stranger for a good seconds, you hesitantly looked away. But just your luck, while you decided that it was the time to carry on with your mission, you dropped your purse to the ground. You groaned before bending over to pick it up but to your surprise, you see another hand reaching over it? And most importantly, you saw that it was that handsome stranger when you looked up??? He gave you a kind but awkward smile as he hold out your bag to you. You muttered a “thank you” before grabbing it. After that cliche moment, there was an awkward silence between you and the man, but he decided to speak up to start a conversation by asking if you liked flowers. The conversation smoothly flowed from there. He just had that aura of gentleness radiating that you couldn’t help but warm up to the stranger, who you later learned the name of, quickly. He even offered to accompany you to the shop you were going, which you agreed if he didn’t mind. Your relationship steadily developed from there. To be honest, it wouldn't be obvious at all that Tsumugi has a crush on you. He's friendly and sweet to everyone he meets most of the time so nobody thinks twice whenever he's with you, except maybe Tasuku. His underlying feelings for you would show in the little things he does, the way his eyes shine whenever you laugh, how his ears perk up whenever he hears your name, how he somehow memorized all your favorite foods after you offhandedly mentioned it once before. For someone who majored in psychology, it’s kind of hilarious how dense he is regarding his own feelings. He would mistake those feelings of his as a weirdly strong platonic attraction for you and continue spending time with you in hopes to appease the feeling but be confused as to why he always felt unsatisfied. He finally realizes how smitten he is for you after a long internal monologue he had after he almost had a heart attack when you hugged him once for whatever reason.

➜ PERSONALITY COMPATIBILITY ; Tsumugi is the walking epitome of every single thing you’re looking in a S/O. You want someone passionate about something? This man literally couldn’t give up on his dream and love for the performance art. He’d be more than willing to talk about how acting involved a broad range of skills, including a well-developed imagination, emotional facility, physical expressivity, vocal projection, clarity of speech, the ability to interpret drama etc. He’d try bunch of different gestures in front of you and ask you which one you liked the best. He also absolutely loves it when you are the one who does the talking. His strength is CANONLY listening to others after all. He just gives off this aura that compels you to think that you can talk about anything and everything with him. Just like you, Tsumugi has a great need for harmony and dislikes any conflict so if there were to be any fights, they would be resolved in a day or two with the two of you talking it out. He majored in Psychology in university, and is very good at reading people so if you’re both in a social gathering and he senses you need to take a break, he will hold your hand and walk you somewhere with less crowd and noise. When you want to be alone, he’d give you the space you need and if you want to spend time he would be there. He is a pretty clueless baby at the start and would try to ask people for help on dating advice. He will however remember every single memory you two will and have made. You’ll never see him forgetting any milestones in your guys’ relationship. His way of saying “I love you” is through the flowers he picks and grows. As someone who can be shy to vocally express his love for you, he handpicks each flower based on their meanings with the hope that they could accurately convey the emotions he holds for you. The very sight of your smile as you watch each tiny plant grow kindles a budding warmth inside him, as if he’s a bee intoxicated by the nectar of your happiness. And to him, the vision of you happy is prettier than any flower in his garden, pushing him to always keep you bright and blooming.

➜ SHARED ACTIVITIES ; Tsumugi canonly moon/stargazes with Misumi so why wouldn’t he do the same with his S/O? It’s a cool, romantic and surprisingly unique activity to do together. There aren’t many activities one can plan for a date that are sweeter or more intimate than a night spent together under a beautiful, sparkling sky. You would ask each other questions about one another, without being afraid of letting the conversation slow down. This is a date to relax and linger over. If not that, I can totally see him taking you to a botanical garden. These places are beautiful and not too busy in general. Bonus points if you bring a camera and get some nice photos together as a couple. i’m so soft rn 🥺 But I feel like your most common date would be either tending the garden in the mankai dorm or just doing your own little things while being together. You might be writing on the table while he’s going over his script for the winter troupe’s newest play one more time or he might be grading his student’s test, since he’s a tutor and all, while you’re drawing. I see Tsumugi as someone who reads a lot so maybe both of you can read the same book together and discuss it afterwards. These types of dates are great for discovering how the other person views the world. One might learn that their significant other is passionate about a social justice cause, their favorite author, or their philosophy of beauty. These dates are great for sparking good conversations and they are introvert friendly. Or something even better: reading aloud. Reading out loud to each other can be incredibly sweet. And, as spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport says, "just the fact that you are both close and sharing space is ... a nice way to spend an evening."

➜ ZODIAC COMPATIBILITY ; Tsumugi is a Capricorn, his birthday being December 28th. When Scorpio and Capricorn make a love match, they get an opportunity to not only enjoy a loving relationship and learn the value of being a pair, but also to grow and mature as individuals. These two may be wary about sharing themselves with one another at first, and this emotional caution may dampen the initial impact of this relationship. These two tend to be a bit cautious (Capricorn) and pensive (Scorpio), and it takes a while for them to feel comfortable with a significant other. Though they may be shy of getting involved and not the quickest to trust and share, these two Signs will discover that they can have quite a profound connection — one of friendship and deep loyalty. What’s the best thing about the Scorpio-Capricorn love match? Their determination toward shared ideas and their strong devotion to one another. They can open doors to one another’s souls and show one another new ways of perceiving and feeling.

#tsumugi tsukioka #a3! matchup #act! addict! actors!

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beutifulbliss · 3 years

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I’ve been thinking and thinking. One thing that has helped me through lockdowns amidst ovulating and being an emotional wreck has been leaning into my my sense of self and sexuality. I have had soooooooo much time to myself and learnt so much about myself. On one hand I’m standing on scales a everyday, walking lots and intermittent fasting because I overdid it initially with the baking and Instagram chef inspo and on the other hand I’m spending lots of time seeing the fullness of my being. I have two mirrors and I can see myself from different angles. I spend many evenings dancing to my favourites songs and watching how my body moves - sometimes fluidly and other times not so fluidly (the knees are shaking 🤣) It’s really been a pleasure to watch my appreciation of myself grow in this way. I can be two things at once - someone that wants to be leaner and healthier (sugar is the devil) and a bad bish who loves herself (fupa) included.

Victoria Monet has been the perfect backdrop to this development of self - I call her music muted WAP. I’m not about that Cardi B and Meg Stallion life in all honesty - they are a bit much for me and their messaging doesn’t always work for me. Love to see it - both of them give me life and their energy works in certain scenarios. However my everyday expression of self and sexuality is much more muted WAP - from Jaguar to Dive to Ass like that to anything Victoria puts out. Literal perfection. R&B stan 🙋🏾‍♀️

This leads me to the question I’ve been thinking about. I’ve come to a place where I understand, can own and express my sexuality without sex or sexual acts. There’s more to this that I might share one day. Back to what I was thinking - how do men express their sexuality without sex or sexual acts? I tried to think of potential routes but quickly came to a dead end. As a woman I have lots of ways - they aren’t always an expression of sexuality but absolutely can be. Fresh out of shower moisturising (shea butter baby) my body and spraying my favourite perfume, dancing and watching my body move, putting on my favourite dress and heels with a soft glam beat (lockdown let us out) knowing I look damn good, being honest with myself about my sexual desires - now all of this doesn’t have to happen with a male gaze present and I think this is what makes it empowering. I happily do all of these things for myself for solo time or time with my friends (cue the expensive restaurants 🤣).

Is this a thing for men? Is there an equivalent thing for men? What does it look like? Perhaps this isn’t a thing - neither in modern western or traditional western culture? Is is because of biology? Is it because of social constructs? Men don’t focus on being or feeling attractive? Men get gratification from their ego, power dynamics and money? Men are repressing their sexuality? Is sexuality a social construct created for women?

I’d love to see black men discuss this - how do black men express their sexuality without sexual or sexual acts and the involvement of women. This is a CIS binary perspective - I can’t speak on what I don’t know.

When I have questions I go to God or google. I went to google on this one. This was an interesting thread - https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/7wkebm/how_do_men_express_their_sexuality/?utm_source=amp&utm_medium=&utm_content=post_body

I speak of sexuality not in the sense of orientation or preferences.

‘…a central aspect of being human throughout life encompasses sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy and reproduction. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviours, practices, roles and relationships. While sexuality can include all of these dimensions, not all of them are always experienced or expressed. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological, psychological, social, economic, political, cultural, legal, historical, religious and spiritual factors.’

Thisdefinition is quite complicated - my simple understanding is appreciation of oneself as a sexual being - your perception of yourself as a sexual being and how you feel about your sexual expression.

It’s been sad to see people apparently holding Chloe Bailey (older twin from ChloexHalle) to some ridiculous expectation that she can only express herself in a certain way otherwise she’s doing too much. Thankfully I don’t have people on my timelines or curated social media spaces berating her or calling her out of her name but she obviously has had to deal with this as she released a video explaining herself with some tears. Sad! I’m digressing but freedom to express ones self as you move from child to teen to adult (especially as the girl child) is key to so many things. I think the people that are hyper critical perhaps don’t have a healthy perception of themselves and their own sexuality.

This is a tricky subject for me as a Christian but as I grow I unlearn so many things that are more about society controlling people as opposed to what my faith is and how it is linked to understanding who I am. The bible says what God created was good moreso I am perfectly and wonderfully made. All parts of me. The world contaminates things but.......I am coming to appreciate all parts of me.

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supreme-stories-z · 5 years

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Cosmo interview

Tell us Macarena, who is Barbara? She's a very chill person, she has an exceptional sense of humor that surprised me since we met, also she has a lot of swag and style and that's something i really appreciate. I like that she's very transparent

Barbara, who is Macarena? A person that really knows what she wants. She's always creating conections with people in general and with her family, organizing everything to hold on to them. She's very smart, sensitive and so beautiful

Macarena, what would yo like to see on Valentina's life? For her to not need approbation from others

And you Barbara, what would you like for Juliana? For her to fulfill her dreams and show everyone that all that matters is believing in yourself to get what you want

Macarena, what's a normal day without cameras? So normal. Generally i'd wake up early in the morning, even if i don't like it very much, but as i travel a lot i have to. I do excercise every day because i realized that it really grounds me; it's not to look good but to feel good, i like to be strong. I always try to give myself a moment during the day to talk to someone i love, maybe a friend or family, i like human contact and i try to do it everyday. I do everything in my power to work and then go to dance or have a cup of wine, or to a music festival or travel... everything that's living life it's very important, because we never know when will be our last day.

And you Barbara, what's a normal day without cameras? I love to spend time with my family and i try to cherish my friendships, so i go from place to place around the city to give everyone a little bit of my time. I love music, it gives me the chance to imagine a lot of stuff. I like to even go eat by myself, is one of the things that i enjoy the most in my free time.

Macarena, what do you admire about Barbara? A lot of things. I'm a person that really has to concentrate in something, because i can't do a lot of things at the same time, and she has that ability to be present here, make laugh the person in front of her and say hi to another person without forgeting that she's working. She does a lot of things at the same time, and all of them are well done, i admire that so much.

Barbi, what do you admire about Maca?

I admire her honesty, how transparent and clear she is about what she wants and her way to do that, because it's easy to get things cheating in this business, but she knows how to get what she wants, while me, i'm a little more scared about going for it. That's something i need to learn.

What did Maca feel when Valentina came out?

I think that's the scene where she really is aware of what she's going through. When she tells her brother it's the first time she says it out loud, because she hasn't even shared it with Juliana yet. She can finally express how much in love she's with a girl without knowing what she's gonna do next or what everyone will think, which desicions to make or how to react.

We did that scene in one take and the guy i did it with is Barbara's boyfriend, he's my brother in the story, so it was nice because i was talking to him about her real life girlfriend. It was a very tender moment, very moving and we both lived that nervousness and really teared up, we lived it on the flesh, we connected. Valentina felt free and a lot of clarity; the tricky thing is that the world ask us to label something that we're not even sure about, it's so unfair because everyone has the right to not know. For the first time she did it without the obligation of thinking before she spoke and that's when she asks herself, "did that really went out of my mouth?" she was thankful for being able to feel so free at last.

And what did Barbara feel when Juliana came out?

I felt so relieved; the situation was a lot more complicated with Juliana because she didn't have that much family or knowledge about her surroundings, for her it was very difficult to talk to someone... how do you come out in that situation? i felt really proud as Barbara, you need great courage to do something like that when you know you don't have those loving arms to protect you at the end, because it's only your mom and you, and it's very possible that she wont accept you. Juliana felt like that woman that she wanted to be, that woman that was trapped and couldn't come out and there's nothing more beautiful than that kind of freedom.

What makes you different from your characters?

B: the maturity and a bunch of things that now, as Barbara. i can understand and that Juliana still have to live through, but i identify a lot with her.

M: the same.

what's the biggest change in your acting for both of you?

M: i think everyone struggles with saying "no". We are taught since very little to never dismiss any oportunity even when you don't agree with what you're doing, we have to please everyone, and since i've met Barbara i've seen that clarity in her, about what she wants to do and move foward, she has this sweetness and capacity to say and execute things, that in a way empowers her because now she's always sure of what she wants. We were saying minutes ago, there's no place for half truths and not being transparent, life it's already so complicated for us to be pretending something we're not, so i think that's the most significative change. I know that for her this is really important.

B: I don't know, i thought more about our relationship, now we have a lot of trust in each other... now she's a lot more open with me.

Where do you want to direct your careers?

B: i'm not sure. Personally i look foward to challenge myself every day and do the things that i'm more afraid of, i love that... for now that'd be my dream.

M: I've never liked to set limits for myself, i always say that our imagination it's so little compared to the universe, what i look in my own career is to be able to follow my intuiton, that's the reason that brought me here. i want to be able to really feel my projects, to say yes "if i feel it" even if everyone else is saying "do this instead", We have to be a little cold blooded -in a good way-, have that kind of serenity and ask myself "what do i really want?", and keep having that priviledge of choosing where i'm going.

For both of you, what is love?

M: Love is to be present *very tricky translation btw*

B: Love is to put you on a test, is loving on good or bad times, is fighting and changing over time.

What do you look for in that special person to know you're in love and feel fully happy?

M: Hijo! *express surprise* i think we are wrong since the thought that the other person has the responsibility to make us happy, because i think that the first person that you've to fall in love with is yourself. If you let that be someone else’s responsibility, i'd hit you hard, because the day you stop being happy, then what? are you going to blame the other? For starters, i think you have to be responsable for yourself before you engage in a relationship with someone else and build a team. I always say, the “other half” thing i dont get it, i think we're both full oranges that complement each other. But first you have to be okay with yourself, because if you aren't, thet it gets really complicated.

B: i think being in love all the time doesnt exist, it's imposible, then for me love is just that. You're not always going to be 100 percent with that person but you still know they will be there for you, It's loving them like they're and them loving you like you're and pushing for a better version of yourselves.

How do you prepare for your roles?

B: As an actor you have a set of tips or skills, like writting, imagine about that person and in my case, i tought "what do i want to do now?" I know the character is written but besides that, i want to discover what i want to put from me in it. It's very difficult for me to describe, i feel that in the moment we're recording i'm really in their shoes, their life, and that's the moment when the magic starts.

M: When you find the place for you in the universe and understand your own human relationships that exist around you, your family and your fictional loved one, it gives you a lot of perspective. I mean, what the other person thinks and what they feel always affects you.

We broke it down lots of times, do you remember? The firsts episodes were really complex, beacuse a lot was happening. untill we kind of found our own flow. We broke down all the episodes and that's when we knew where the climax was coming and we build the story backwards with that knowledge, which made the process very interesting.

What does ir means for you to be representatives of the LGBT community?

B: It's an honor. I think that in life we have to do important statements, what you're pasionate about you have to take it beyond and do good for the world. I know this story has been so important for so many people and they put their trust in us, so definitely it's a great honor.

M: I think it brings sense to it all. I have a lot of ideals and most of the time it's hard to know how to approach them witout jugdement from outsiders; with this it all made sense, i found a way to support genuine people and it was a team effort, so to speak. It's okay not to be sure, it's okay if you regret it, it's okay to ask for forgiveness, things that are so simple but yet so hard.

I was saying earlier, for me this mesage was important because this are things i really belive in and are values that i have thet i want to shere with people out there. Our responsibility as spokespersons is not only with the LGBT community but with all the women out there fighting for their rights. It's very important to raise our voices, it doesn't matter if you define yourself or not.

B: i agree and also the important thing it's give support from the heterosexual side, no?

Someone close to you had a not expected reaction to your roles?

M: it's amazing the love this generated, you realize the need for comunication and acceptance, because every single one of us belongs to a minority. We just want to say, let's love each other!

Any woman has stopped to say pick up lines to you?

M: yeah and it's amazing, i'm very impressed, they even asked us to marry them!

B: That's the biggest accomplishment, Yeah it has happened, they didn0t sto us to say pick up lines, but yeah they have done that, they're very respectful

According to Juliana and Valentina, where does the strength of a woman resides?

B: in believing in yourself, because anything can happen if you belive, it's true.

M: Yeah and Barbara and Macarena also think the same. Also live with intention and not with expectations, because you can get very disappointed and that's not the case. Dreams are built not fulfilled.

At last, what resposibility does the media have with these kind of roles?

B: just to portray it as it is, we have to see things as they are and talk about them as we normally talk to each other. It's just another love story, with no labels.

M: its pretty amazing the message that's geting out there but the responsibility is mutual, because we can't share this without your help, or the producer or the writer. We are just the face and voice but behind - and also foward- there's a bunch of people. We have to thank you for this space because that's what makes the difference.

What does it means for you to do COSMO?

B: the triumph of love, no matter the gender

M: this is the triumph of the Juliantinas! of us, the team, because we also believe in this.

PSA: Maca is very tricky to translate, she speaks in riddles, even in spanish haha, if something doesn't make sense point it out, just did this at work trying to not get caught by my boss.

PSA2: Corrected a lot of stuff and also there was a first part of the interview that i added.

#juliantina #macarena achaga #barbara lopez #translation

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logansanderslove · 5 years

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Logan 3.0 (1/?)

CO-AUTHOR: @demented-dukey

Summary: Remus is an incorrigible flirt, and Logan can only bear the innuendo for so long until something has to give. Passions erupt, but there are more lasting repercussions than either could have predicted, including a significant transformation to Logan himself! How will these new changes affect the delicate balance of Thomas's mental state? When a new dark side threatens the lives of several of the other sides, will Logan and Remus's love be strong enough to save everyone, including Thomas?

Ships: INTRULOGICAL

Sanders Sides: Logan, Remus, Thomas, Roman, Virgil, Patton, Deceit

Fic type: Drama, Romantic, Action, Flirty

Trigger Warnings: No character deaths, but a lot of very close calls. Consensual knife play and bloodplay, and lots of bloody fighting and monster attacks. If you’re sensitive to unsympathetic characters, some parts flirt pretty close to that, but there’s also a lot of extenuating circumstances to explain the situation, and there’s a happy ending once you get through the angst and misunderstandings. Self-harm and references to such, and suicidal tendencies.

MASTERLIST

Chapter 1: Witty Banter

Logic and Bad Creativity had been disputing all day, and as late as it was now, it didn't seem like they were going to stop any time soon.

Logan crossed his arms as he leaned against the stairs in the common area, staring nonchalantly at the Dark Side before him. “You don’t get to me in the slightest, Remus. You never have. Object impermanence renders you pretty unintimidating.”

Remus smirked in his regular cocky way, suggestively stroking the ninja star that he held in his hands. “Is that so, Nerdy Wolverine?” His voice was smooth and unbothered.

Logan nodded. “Yes, it IS, you foul and infatuated goat.” He spat, but Remus just smiled.

“Ooh, thank you for the metaphorical regards! ‘Foul’ and ‘goat-like’ is what I’m going for!” he said, clapping his hands excitedly. “I thought it might be a fun change from the pickled poo logs.”

Logan frowned, rather frustrated that his attempted insult had backfired. “Ah. I see. Would it bother you then if I were to call you nice and harmless? Cherubic? How about spritely? Were I to call you caring and loving, especially towards your brother, would that bother you, Remus?” He remarked, but Remus just shrugged off the innuendo and giggled.

“I love how hard you try, it’s so cute!” he cooed. He then approached the logical side, letting his fingertips slide down Logan’s tie suggestively. “If you’re interested, I’d be happy to provide you a personal show of just how loving I can be?” He said with a wink and a dirty grin.

Logan forced a smile as he ignored Remus' suggestive actions. “Well, while that offer is certainly tempting, Remus, I am going to have to decline. I’m not exactly sure how I would put up with your lunacy, and I also doubt that the others would find this offer very… acceptable.” He stated, bringing a scoff from Remus.

“Those spoilsports would never have to know,” he winked at Logan. “I can be covert if you’d like.”

Logan gave him a dead-eyed stare. “Can you? Well, Remus, as I said before, all I would ever do is figuratively dress you down. That is all.”

Remus’ eyes lit up. “OH! Well, if that’s what you wanted, Logan,” he unzipped his pants. “You could’ve just said so!”

Logan shook his head, holding up his hand. “AH AH AH AH. I said, FIGURATIVELY. And that is why I say it. That. Is. Why. I. Say. It!” He clapped his hands with each word. He let out a deep breath. "I don't just spout random words without meaning!! I say things for a reason!"

Remus’s expression fell into a frown, and he slowly zipped his pants back up. “Poopy...” he muttered sadly.

Logan groaned. "Oh, stop pouting. It’s not a good look for a royal man. Even if that man is you.”

Remus perked up, mood swinging as wildly as a pendulum, “Aw, Logan, you notice my looks? I’m flattered!” He said joyously.

Logan’s ears flushed a bit, realizing his mistake all too late. “No, I don’t. I just don’t exactly see a grown man whining and pouting as a productive thing to be doing.” He restated.

“It can be very productive to make a grown man whine if you’re doing it right,” Remus smirked, leering at him.

Logan’s face immediately went red. “That is not what I meant and you KNOW IT.” He defended quickly.

Remus shrugged, hands held up defensively, a big smile across his face. “Perhaps. Much like your lascivious thoughts, I just love showing up where I’m not invited,” he punctuated his words with a quick shimmy.

Logan’s eyes shot open. “WHA-” His flustered mind tried to find the words. “‘Lascivious’?! What on Earth would ever lead you to say that I, the VOICE OF REASON, would ever have such provocative thoughts?!” He spluttered, then he took a long breath, managing to calm himself. “And in all honesty, I believe that we are used to you showing up where you’re not invited by now, Remus. In fact, you just showing up is exactly that, because no one ever wants to invite you.” He snarked.

Remus tilted his head. “Deny it all you want, Neil deGrASS Tyson. You can’t block out all the juicy stuff.” He cooed with a little dance of sexual innuendo.

Logan put a hand to his face, groaning. “Please do not say ‘juicy’ in that context ever again.”

Remus opened his mouth, held up his finger, then clicked his tongue. “...Juicy butthole?” He questioned, to which Logan just froze, then let out an exasperated breath.

“REMUS. THAT IS WORSE.”

Remus frowned. “Did...did I say something wrong? Are you...are you gonna punish me, Teach?” He wondered, just bringing another sigh from Logan.

“Remus, why do you insist on trying to bother me?”

Remus ran his fingers over his mustache. “It’s no bother, I assure you! I’m only trying to help, you seem so tense, my dear disciplinarian.”

Logan adjusted his glasses with a breath. “I am told that I always seem that way. Whilst, in fact, I am very relaxed.”

Remus flicked his eyebrows up. "Like the eye of a storm? You should let the tempest rage sometimes…” He slunk closer. “And I don’t mind getting a little wet.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “You, sir, are despicable.”

Remus stuck his tongue out. “I like to call myself de-lickable.”

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. “NO.” He said sternly.

Remus put a finger to his chin in a suggestive manner. “Ooh, I love it when you raise your voice. Please, sir, what are your demands?” He drawled out.

Logan’s face sported the most unamused expression. “That you stop flirting with me. Don’t assume that I’m not aware of what you’re trying to do.”

Remus licked his lips. “Skip the appetizer and jump straight into the main course? As you wish!” He tore off his shirt as easily as lifting a feather. Logan’s eyes went wide and he waved his hands frantically.

“NO. NO, NO, NO. PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON RIGHT NOW, REMUS, OR I WILL SUMMON DECEIT TO REIGN YOU IN.” He ordered.

“Kinky! If you wanted a threesome, count me in! I LOVE being given two D’s at once!” Remus winked at him again, a seemingly regular occurrence. “My safe word is ‘apples’.” He then laughed. “I’m just kidding! I don’t have a safe word!”

Logan grabbed at his hair with an aggravated groan. “NO! REMUS, STOP! STOP THIS INCESSANT MADNESS!” He exclaimed desperately, to which Remus drew back a bit.

“Careful, Teach. Your calm is wearing a bit thin. I’d be happy to ruffle more than your feathers if you know what I mean…” He flirted.

The intellectual let out a deep breath. “I-” He couldn’t even make a sound other than angry flustered noises. “Please stop…” He finally got out, spinning away as he shook his head.

Remus hesitated, then he shrugged. “I changed my mind. I’m unpredictable like that, I don’t think you could handle all this,” he said as he shimmied. He then pulled his shirt back over his head gracefully. “Free show’s over. Wasted on you, anyways. You’re obviously too much of a brainiac to appreciate more physical pleasures.”

Logan rubbed his face with his hands. “Remus, please…” His voice was exasperated.

Remus’ voice became skeptical. “Had a change of heart? Doesn’t seem like that’s in your purview.”

Logan shook his head with a sigh. “No, Remus, that is not what I am trying to say.” He whirled around, his tolerance almost worn through. “Why are you so fascinated with ME? Why not go bother your brother or something? Why are you flirting with me?” He questioned, a tired tone to his voice.

Remus was quiet for a moment, eyeing Logan slowly. “You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re a smart boy, Logan. Brilliant, even. Is it any wonder that I can’t look away from your brilliance?” A kind smile was offered. “You shine so brightly. You can hardly blame a moth for being attracted to the flame.”

Logan blinked in surprise, trying to process what he had just heard. “Wh-...You truly think of me so highly? I…” He didn’t know what to say.

Remus shrugged. “The others make it quite clear that they consider me below you all. How else could a lowly creature such as myself look upon you, but as if atop a pedestal?” He wondered.

Logan was still struggling to process this, but when he heard Remus’ statement, he suddenly realized something. “Remus, I… I have never considered you lower than anyone. I know that we all play our own parts, and no one is below anyone else.” He bit his lip. “As much as I sometimes despise your thinking, you are still an imperative part of our existence. You are Roman’s other half. If you were neglected, Roman would suffer. I have always valued your input, as odd as it can be. It is creativity in your own, unique way.”

He glanced to the side. “You… you shouldn’t feel like you have to annoy us all the time just to get noticed and to make you feel like a part of the group. I…I’ll always…” Logan hesitated, thinking on his words.

“Remus, I’ll always acknowledge you. As I said before, you don’t really affect me as much as the others. Granted, you can still irritate me, but I won’t ignore you. I just...want you to know that.” He said softly, finally raising his head.

Remus blinked a few times, twitching a bit, then he rubbed the back of his head, brushing his sleeves down as he tried to play it off that he wasn’t completely stunned by the words of the Logical side. “No need to pity me, Professor Plum-pbottom. I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be than below you, where you can really value my input.” He said, a smirk crossing his face.

Logan sighed in slight disappointment. “Remus, it was starting to become a nice moment.” He said with a frown.

Remus sent him a brittle grin. “Yeah, well. My brother’s the nice one, not me. That should be obvious enough for you to see it, even without those glasses.” He spat, a bit of pain lingering.

Logan nodded, closing his eyes. “Apologies. I just thought for a moment that you had started to act...well...decent.” He admitted.

Remus laughed, the sound a bit too high-pitched to be casual. “Bite your tongue! I’m as indecent as they come!”

Logan raised an eyebrow, rubbing his chin with his hand as a small smirk appeared across his face. “Am I making you nervous, Remus?” He asked.

Remus seemed to tense up. “Nervous? Me?” He ran his hand through his hair with a flourish, bringing an even higher eyebrow from Logan. “Surely, you jest.”

Logan flicked his eyebrows up. “Well, the reason I asked is due to the fact that your entire demeanor just changed. You are now exhibiting tics that one will make when feeling a bit nervous, including unnecessary fiddling, forcefully laughing or laughing nervously, your eyes seem to have a spark of uncertainty to them, and I can hear the quake in your voice, however almost incoherent it may be.” He flicked his hand at Remus’ wide eyes. “I am LOGIC, Remus. Don’t think that I don’t notice these things.”

Remus blinked his wide eyes, then took a very small unconscious step back. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but hardly any noise came out. “I…”

Logan shook his head. “Remus, it’s okay,” his voice was soft and comforting. “Why are you nervous?”

The Duke bit his lip and turned his gaze away from Logan, who was oddly curious at the Dark Side’s behavior. “Remus? Are you okay?”

Remus finally mustered the will to form words, fiddling with the cuff of his sleeve as he frowned. “M’not worth it. You’re...you’re better than me, Lo. I’m not fit to lick your shoes.” He offered a half-hearted dirty grin. “I’d still lick ‘em, though.”

He took a shaky breath. “But, you deserve…” He swallowed hard. “You deserve better. And I…” He tore his eyes away, his voice breaking. “I can’t be that for you. Any goodness I had? That all went to Roman. I’m just…”

A hard and shaky breath escaped his lips. “I’m just what’s left behind.”

Logan’s eyes had gone wide, then he reached out to put his hand on the other’s arm. “Remus…”

The Duke flinched from the touch as Logan held his arm. “Listen to me. That is no way to think. Please. Just...give yourself some credit. I can see what good there is in you that you may not even know you have. But I know it’s there.” He pressed his finger to the center of Remus’ chest, poking him. “It’s right there.”

Remus sighed, then shook his head. “For somebody so good at calling out falsehoods, you seem awfully fond of telling them to yourself.” He put a hand to his chest, shaking his head again. “There’s nothing here, Lo. Nothing but filth and trash, the impure dregs of Creativity that not even Thomas could accept.” He closed his eyes. “You said it yourself, ‘no one ever wants to invite you’. There’s nothing in me that any of you want around, and if Thomas could get rid of me without hurting Roman, I would have been destroyed long ago. As it was, I was exiled to the darkest parts of Thomas’ subconscious… not exactly something you would do to someone who was ‘good’, now would you?” He bit his lip hard. “It’s only logical, after all. If you’re thrown away, you must be trash.” He muttered under his breath.

Logan stood frozen to the spot, his heart stopped after realizing what he’d done. “Remus, I’m so sorry… What I said before… you didn’t deserve that. You don’t deserve any of this… any of how we’ve treated you.” He squeezed Remus’ arm. “We-... I am so sorry.” He then turned his head aside, hanging low. “This is probably my fault…”

Remus scrubbed his eyes roughly. “But whatever, right? It doesn't matter. I don't care. I'm fine. Better than fine, actually. With all those goody-good traits sent to Roman, I'm fucking free. I can do whatever the hell I want to, and you losers can't stop me anymore.” His voice cracked as much as he tried to stop it.

A strike of pain crossed Logan’s face. “R-Remus, I never meant to hurt you…” He took Remus’ hand in his own. “I never meant for you to feel this way.” Logan sighed. “I know you may think you’re ‘free’ now, but isn’t it better to be tied to friends than be free and lonely?” Asked the scholar.

Remus took a deep breath, struggling with the urge to flinch, to rip his hand away. “How…” He closed his eyes. “How the hell would I know, Logan? I don’t…” He swallowed hard before speaking again. “I don’t remember what it was like ...before. Before me. And me? I’ve never had friends. So...how would I know the difference?”

Logan blinked, then he lifted his eyebrow. “What about Deceit? I thought he was your friend?” He then shook his head “But that’s not what I’m trying to say. Remus, I care about you.” His voice cracked as he squeezed Remus’ hand tighter, not letting him slip away. “I just don’t want you to be alone.”

Remus scoffed. “Deceit's a lot of things. A confidant. A co-conspirator. A companion. But he's... not a friend.” He squeezed Logan’s hand back, his knuckles turning white. “Please... please don't, Lo. I... I can't. I can't hope. It hurts too much. I've lost so much already, I'm not strong enough to lose anything else.”

Logan gritted his teeth then threw himself onto Remus with a tight embrace, hugging him close. “YOU'RE NOT LOSING ANYTHING, REMUS. YOU'RE GAINING. I PROMISE.” He let out a small breath. “I'll always be here for you…”

Remus shuddered, then crumpled bonelessly into the embrace, clinging to Logan like an octopus. He buried his face in Logan's shoulder, shaking as he cried. “You can't... you can't promise that. The Others... they wouldn't approve. You said.”

Logan leaned his head atop Remus', rubbing his back comfortingly. “I don't give a damn what the others think anymore. If they don't approve, then I'll make them understand.” He held Remus tighter. “You won't be alone. I won't let you be alone. I do promise you that.”

Remus continued to cry, pressing his face into the crook of Logan’s neck. “But Thomas…” He hiccupped from his sobs. “Even if the Others don't... if Thomas... it won't work. It can't work.”

Logan sighed. “Yes, it can. I'm positive it can. We just all need to work together to figure this all out.” He comforted Remus, hushing him softly. “Look, Remus. When I tell you that I will do anything to make you feel happy, I am not leading you falsely. I...I just want...to see you...smiling.” A small grin crept onto his face. “I love your smile…”

Remus sniffled, looking up. “If you're lying... I'll slit my own throat.” He whispered. He thought about it for a moment, the kiss of metal as it slides across his throat, the blood achingly warm as it spills out, and smiled at the mental image, grin sharp as a blade. “It may not kill me for long, but I'll do it.” He gently touched his own throat, where faint scars were visible. “I've done it before, after all…”

Logan’s eyes went wide. “What?! Why would you ever do such a thing, Remus?” He cried out, concerned. “And why do you seem so content about doing it?!”

Remus blinked as his smile faded. “Why? I... I don't… It's not... it's just object impermanence. Like you said. It doesn't matter what I do. It all goes away eventually.” He said simply.

Logan shook his head. “But...why would you do it?”

Remus shrugged with a sigh. “I just... I just wanted to see. The first time. I thought... maybe it would be better. If I could take myself out of the equation. But, it didn't work, not for long. I came back.” He rubbed the back of his head. “After that... well. you're the scientist. You should know. Any hypothesis demands repeated trials to confirm that the data is sound. And I figured... why not keep trying? Maybe eventually it'd stick. Whatever oblivion is like, it couldn't be worse than this.”

Logan’s eyes widened. “Couldn't be worse than this?! Remus, I CARE ABOUT YOU!! Ple-” His voice cracked. “Please! Why can't you see that?”

Remus flinched. “...That's what I've been trying to tell you. This is why it won't work. I'm wrong. I'm not the kind of broken that you can fix. You can't mend a shattered mirror just by caring about it, and you're only going to cut yourself trying. The things that I do, the things that I like... they're illogical. There's no rhyme or reason to what I do, I just do.” He sighed. “And what I do is wreak havoc. You should stay away from me, for your own good.

Logan stood his ground, his eyes serious. “NO.”

“Logan, please…”

Logan’s voice was strong, meeting Remus' eyes as tears formed in his own. “No, Remus. I AM NOT STAYING AWAY FROM YOU. I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK YOU CAN’T BE MENDED. I KNOW YOU CAN BE!!!” His shoulders began to shake as he leaned his head on Remus'. “Please… I love you…”

Remus' eyes went wide. "But...all that you've been saying...you kept telling me not to flirt with you-"

"Because I thought it was too good to be true!" Logan exclaimed, shaking his head. "I...I thought I wouldn't ever be lucky enough to have someone actually flirt with me. But you did. And I just didn't know what to do." He admitted, and the Duke sighed with understanding.

Remus held Logan, cradling him, stroking his hair. Gently, he murmured, “I’m not a project or one of your experiments. You might…” He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. “You might love me now, but it’s better to nip this in the bud. You have such high expectations of me, and I'm just going to disappoint you. You'll get frustrated, and your feelings will sour... it's better this way. Better to stop while we still can, to shut it down before the Others find out.”

Logan finally let his emotions fully break down the wall he had put up. Pushing his face into Remus' neck, tears and sobs wracked his body. “N-No...I know y-you're not an experiment, R-Remus, b-but I just w-want to have you with me... d-damn the others... I love you!”

He grasped the cloth of Remus' shirt. “Why do you think I've always stood up for you? Or been the one to acknowledge what you're saying as NOT hurtful! I know it may seem like I haven't been fond of you in the past, but I LOVE YOU, Remus! Nothing will change that!”

He tilted his head up, his eyes wide behind his smudged glasses, and his expression made him seem like a wounded puppy or a lost child. “Remus, please…” He sniffed back his tears, feeling more vulnerable than ever in his life. "What I said was true! I'd never imagined that I'd be blessed to find someone I liked, and then of all the things that could happen, I get flirted on by the one man I'm completely smitten with!!! How am I supposed to react to that? All I'm able to do is just blurt out 'I love you' again and again because that is the only thought my mind is processing right now. That I love you."

Remus opened his mouth, his lip quivering. “I…” His voice began to break. “I love you too, Lo.” He hugged him hard, holding him tight against the shaking. “I love you so damn much. I've loved you as long as I can remember.” He rubbed the back of Logan’s head gently. “I've always been yours.” He closed his eyes. “That's why... that's why I kept teasing you, kept taunting you. I was desperate for any scrap of attention you'd toss my way.”

Logan chuckled softly. “You did all that, and all this time I thought it was just false flirting. I thought it was wishful thinking…” He looked up at Remus, a smile growing on his face. “Will you...will you stay? With me? We could be together.” A hint of hope crossed his voice as he leaned his head on Remus' shoulder. “We could be together…” The whispered echo resonated between the two.

Remus was weak, and his thoughts were running a marathon. He was weak, and he was selfish, and he was impulsive, and he couldn't keep resisting that when he was holding everything he'd ever wanted in his arms. He still thought it was going to end badly, but for the first time, he hoped that maybe, just maybe, he was wrong. He had nothing left to lose, and everything to win. And besides, even if it did end badly, at least he'd have it while it lasted. “Okay. Yeah, Lo, I'll stay. I'll stay with you as long as you'll have me, and they'll have to break every one of my fingers to tear me away.”

Logan's smile could have blinded anyone else with its brightness, so caring and happy. Petting Remus' hair, he met his eyes with happy tears. “I'll be here for you the whole way, and they'd have to pry me away with the strongest bar to take me away from you.” His smile grew. “I love you.”

Hooking his arms around Remus' neck, he pulled him close, smiling as he finally had everything he wanted. The man who he had secretly loved for years was in his arms, in a kiss, and there was nothing that could possibly make Logan happier.

Offhandedly, Remus wondered if he was dead, if one of his suicide attempts had finally worked - because surely this was heaven. Logan was warm in his arms, his mouth soft and sweet, and Remus drank in Logan's affection like a sponge, gorging himself on it. “You're such a dork,” he murmured between kisses, “and I love you so fucking much.”

Logan smirked as he ran his fingers through Remus' hair as their lips connected again and again. “I think this officially makes us boyfriends, Rem.” He closed his eyes as his mouth was filled with a taste that was uniquely Remus, loving the longed-for affection. “I love you too, my own mischievous troublemaker. I wouldn’t ask for you any other way.”

#sanders sides #logan sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #deceit sanders #thomas sanders #intrulogical #blood #gay #cursing #pain #angst #love

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