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sangyeonsofthours · 3 years

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COLLEGE STUDENT!SANGYEON

pairing: sangyeon x female reader warnings: this is just some dumb to lovers really.... and an attempt at comedy i guess... wc: 4.9k n/a: bullet points into the life of college student sangyeon! hope you enjoy it ♡ plus, it’s barelly proof read so… will you forgive me for any mistakes? thank you (♡ﾟ▽ﾟ♡) now lets gooooo

so, our boy here is majoring in music at korea national university of arts

and he’s part of the dance club, after all the boy’s got talent (pun intended)

sangyeon is just that kind of laid back guy, who's super chill and has everyone wrapped around his little finger, really

he’s clever and responsible, always ready to help anyone who's in need, super good at leading

he's always the one with all the good ideas and also the one who's pretty good to put said ideas into work

oh, and he's absurdly handsome, has the most cute eye smile and is adorably clumsy (which adds soooo many points to his attractiveness)

he’s also known around the campus as a great music producer and songwriter

and he sings (like an angel, i might say) so he loves recording covers

and even some really good original tracks of his own

also he likes to play basketball in his free time

and to add to this enormous pile of the absolutely dreamy man he is

he has his own radio show

it's a calm show that he hosts at soft early hours of the dawn

it’s called sangsang night and he hosts it at thursday nights

how did he manage to have his own radio? well since everyone loves him and he’s just a whole model of student of course the council gave him permission to use one of their empty rooms at the university's radio and tv building

they even offered some help with the equipment but most of it was paid by sangyeon himself (did I mention he works at a record store?)

sangsang night is like his relaxing time

it's when he's going to free his mind from his worries and play soft meaningful playlists he created

he likes sharing songs with people, absolutely loves to talk about it too

always makes sure to read the messages his listeners leave for him and likes to have this super sweet period of his broadcast in which he'll give advices to the listeners who calls him

all that makes him kinda popular around the campus, you know? people know about him and both girls and boys have a crush on him

but he’s a shy guy when it comes to dating and hitting on people

so that's why you barely see him with someone that aren't his guy friends

(and also bc the boy barely has the time to get himself a girlfriend let's be honest, who tf manages to do so much stuff AND has a girlfriend?????)

but let’s get to the day you and our musician prince crossed paths

so you’re new in college, you just got transferred from some art school

and despite the fact you're majoring in film, tv & multimedia, you share your history of art classes with kevin (the cute canadian guy from visual arts)

you soon click with him, pairing up to work on some projects

that’s how you end up visiting kevin’s dorm planning to get ahead with your assignments

it's all okay while you both are sat down on his living room floor, some books scattered around you and a soft playlist playing in the background

you were told previously that he had two roommates, but it wouldn't be a problem since they're chill so working at his dorm would be okay

but it's exactly when you drag your gaze from the sheets you've been scribbling on that you see him

i mean, you see sangyeon

and your tired brain makes you babble out the most stupid thing you could say in a moment like this

‘oh my god kevin i think i'm seeing an angel’

well we all can agree that a semi naked sangyeon with only a towel around his waist, wet hair and some droplets of water still gracing his overly worked abs may look like (a kinda twisted up definition, i might add, of) an angel

but you could've held that thought to yourself, right?

you’re sure you could

but you didn’t

and kevin snorted so hard he swears he felt his nasal cavities move out of place

and poor sangyeon blushes so hard

he just wanted to get something from the fridge before getting back to his room

but kevin didn't say anything about having someone over and that's why he's standing at the corner of the hallway where it meets the living room

half naked and feeling like if a hole swallowed him he wouldn't mind it at all

and before the weight of your stupidity can fall over your shoulders sangyeon burst in a serie of apologies bowing many times before leaving to hide in his room

that’s how your first eventiful meeting went

pretty awkward right?

after that you tried your hardest to avoid going to kevin’s dorm, too afraid to meet sangyeon again

what if he thought you were a perve? or worse!!!! what if he hated you? after all you were some weirdo who basically lusted after his almost naked self at his own home

but kevin always said it was okay, that sangyeon was too nice to hold a grudge against you bc of something so dumb and (in his personally opinion) funny

but the thing is

as the time passed, even with all the avoiding thing going on from your part

you couldn’t help but… feel something about sangyeon

i mean, it was already mentioned that everyone would have a crush on him

of course it was just about time for you to fall in the trap of lee sangyeon

and like some kind of secret admirer you’d admire him from afar, listen religiously to sangsang night, but still avoid the hell out of him in any other situation

for god’s sake you’d stalk his instagram profile without even following it

pathetic

all that behind kevin’s back, of course

you’re sure he’d do something dumb if he knew about your slight crush on mr. perfect

not out of evil, but out of KINDNESS to be honest

kevin could sound too much like a jokester every time he had the chance, but he was a sweetheart

so he'd never let you pin after his friend without trying to help you actually to get to said friend

so that’s why you keep your crush as a top fbi secret

and it goes like this

until an eventful afternoon comes to you like… like an unruly horse… and it kind of runs you over

there’s this huge special extracurricular thing going on in your campus

like, it’s a fair, there's workshops, conferences, special lectures, for every nerd who really likes it or for the desperate students who really need a push up into their extracurricular activities (since it’s almost the end of the semester and summer is right around the corner)

you’re on the nerd side

so is sangyeon, of course

AND

there’s this soundtrack workshop that you’re super excited to attend since it’s not just going to add extracurricular points to your grades

but because the work you’ll be making is going to feature a REAL short film

like this short film will be featured in movie theaters around the country!!!

and so you are basically bouncing up and down all the way to the building where the said workshop is

and it’s all going super smoothly… normal even (important topic: things going normal around you is pretty atypical since you’re always making a fool of yourself)

you just arrived the conference room for the first meeting of the workshop

and fortunately it's not so full of people, there's around 20 chairs around the room and still there’s some empty, waiting to be taken

and you’re just sitting there, quiet, waiting for it to start, enjoying the soft buzz of people making small conversation and the view of the few people that are still arriving the room

and that’s it

that’s when sangyeon enters the room in all his freaking glory

he looks so good!!!!

he just got a new haircut and he looks fresh and READY FOR SUMMERTIME

ITS SOOOOOOO YUMMY YUMMY (ok i'm losing my shit thinking about short haired sangyeon from thrill ride era)

and he’s wearing a white shirt, light blue jeans and black converse while holding onto his backpack and that famous college jacket from the basketball team

it couldn’t be more cliche

but still

he’s like the troy bolton from east high (like, he's perfect even when doing nothing extraordinary)

and you just don’t know what to do

i mean

wtf does that mean that you're bound to spend the next 4 hours with him

not literally with him bc there’s other people with you but

you’d be in his presence and WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU’VE BEEN DREADING IT SINCE THE INCIDENT™

and in a second you’re looking around thinking about ways to LEAVE the room as soon as possible without being noticed

but it seems like your body is working in a slow motion mode and your legs just won't MOVE

and when you least expect sangyeon is right by your side

he casually drops his bag on the floor and sits right. by. your. side.

“hey” he greets you with a bright smile

and you just don’t understand how can he be so unbothered by you

“you’re kevin's friend, y/n, right?” he asks

and not a single word can leave your mouth bc you feel like FREAKING CHOKING

so you just nod your head like those weird dog ornaments that bob their head when you tap them

“it’s nice to see you again” he says and the smile never leaves his pretty full lips

you want a hole to swallow you right now HE’S TALKING TO YOU SO CASUALLY

but there’s is a buzz on your ear and you can feel your cheeks burning in embarrassment

you’re probably looking like a tomato

or like you’re about to THROW UP or maybe even PASS OUT

(neither one is good btw)

but you’re saved by the bell, when the head of the workshop start talking, gathering your attention

she’s giving some orientations but you can’t really get your mind to focus on her voice

how could sangyeon act so unfazed????

maybe kevin was right!!!! sangyeon doesn’t really care about the incident™

so you take a deep breath and try your best to listen to your leader who’s now saying she’ll divide the group so you all can work on pairs

and not just that

she has already chosen the pairs based on the previous subscription you guys made for the workshop

and even tho some butterflies dare to dance around on your stomach and something inside you wishes you’re paired up with sangyeon

your wise side tell yourself you shouldn't wish for that bc right now you have a real great chance to make a fool of yourself in front of him

A G A I N

but we all know that this story is going downhill wildly right into cliches right?

so of course you were paired up with sangyeon

well sangyeon is a music major while you’re a film, tv & multimedia major

and both of you have great grades and extracurricular credits

you’re like the best duo in the room

and sangyeon seem to be happy about being paired up with you bc he just whispered a small “yay” while giving you that beautiful smile where his eyes almost disappear forming two half moons in his face

he’s fucking adorable

your chest HURTS you want to pounce on him

the head leader of the movie is walking around the room giving everyone their assignments while you just wait for your turn to receive your instructions

so something in you mind snaps

if sangyeon is okay with being around you, you can’t make the situation awkward

so you smile back at him and he seems very satisfied to see that you're okay with his presence too

the few hours you spent together went as smooth as it could go

you and sangyeon didn’t talk much about things other than what concerned to the work you should do

but by the time you arrived your dorm you accepted you should be true to yourself

and admit (on your own head) that you’d be lying if you said you weren't super happy for what just happened and were just as excited for the next day

(oh did i mention it was a three day duration workshop? well… now i did teeheee)

you already thought sangyen looked like the epitome of beauty when he arrived that room in a plain white t shirt and ordinary jeans

but the next day when you arrive the studio you’d be both working on together

you almost excuse yourself so you can go hyperventilate on the hallway

(ok y/n you need to stop being so exasperated about sangyeon GIRL GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER PLS)

he’s wearing a light blue button down shirt and specs AND HE’S ETHEREAL

“oh, hello, y/n” he smiles at you, getting up from the chair he was sitting

“h-hey” YOU’RE STUTTERING WTF

sangyeon gives you the heads up to what you should be doing by this second day of the workshop, since the head leader had showed up by earlier to give the him instructions

you notice that sangyeon’s easy and carefree manners make you feel really comfortable around him

and you enjoy everything about it

his sweet voice and musk perfume are super enjoyable

and he does really takes your ideas and abilities into consideration

his knowledge complements yours and if you’re right, by the end of this workshop, your work together will be BRILLIANT

and you don’t know that BUT

sangyeon kind of has a crush on you too

he’s too dumb to notice that you have the fattest crush on him, so he thinks that your weird mannerism is out of embarassement bc of the incident™

and he thinks it’s adorable bc he doesn’t even care about that anymore, really

he just treats you well and try to be the gentleman we all know he already is

so you just enjoy eachothers company bc you have only this afternoon to do it

since the next (and last) day of workshop will be the short movie premiere

even tho you’re kinda sad it’s going to end soon you’re happier that you had the chance to spend such a nice time with sangyeon

sooooooooooooooo

the next day the premiere is incredible

the team made an incredible job at cutting and editing the scenes and audios for de short movie

and after the premiere everyone is so happy so the lead header and the director and some part of the cast invite all of you to go out to eat something

and of course you won’t let the opportunity to be with sangyeon just a little more just pass

both of you jump at the chance tbh

and you make sure to sit side by side by the table of this really nice place where the team decide to go

and even tho everyone is talking excitedly

it seems like you and sangyeon are on your own little world

everyone can see that

(i can even hear our fellow Greg Wuliger’s voice saying “Dude, you are so in there!”)

and when people start to leave, you and Sangyeon can’t help but feel some kind of awkward flusteredness

neither of you want to leave bc it means that it is really the end of your time together

you are too dumb, you know?

you could just ask for a phone number…….. maybe ask one another on a D A T E

but all you manage to do is bow and mumble a ‘see you around’

such a boner killer moment wtf

and tbh neither you or sangyeon can stop thinking about the other for the rest of the weekend

or the next week

and kevin can feel that there’s something happening to you when all you can do when you’re around him is sigh and look into distance with the look of a lost puppy on your eyes

and for the first time you open up to him about your crush on sangyeon and about the workshop and the good time you had with his friend

and this noisy bitch just yells a I FUCKING KNEW IT right in the middle of the library

and you’re like ?????

and he tells you that sangyeon told him that you were working together in the short movie, but he choose to be silent about it, bc he knew you were too sensitive about the incident™

and he also didn’t feel like intruding on your business, since you and sangyeon finally were having a moment…

but he didnt think you’d be dumb enough to leave your short interaction to DIE at the END OF THE WORKSHOP

he SIGHS

KEVIN SIGHS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU BC HE’S TIRED REALLY

why are you like this?????

but he can also see you’re really sad rn

so he take matters into his hand and that night he strikes a conversation with his roomate when they’re having lunch together

“sooooo… hyung…. what about y/n?”

“what about her, kevin?” and sangyeon seems curious about the question

and kevin just shrugged off, telling that he had a conversation with you about the movie of the workshop and suddenly remembered they worked together at it

and for a second sangyeon seems really disappointed

AND KEVIN JUST TAKE THE HINT YOU KNOW

HE SEES IT

HE HAS THE CLEAR VISION OF HOW MUCH HIS FRIENDS ARE DUMBASSES

it’s clear that sangyeon likes you too (or at least has an interest into you)

he doesn’t really understand why for god's sake you both just didn’t trade numbers just to text each other or even asked one another on a date

but he knows that sangyeon’s kind of a fool when it comes to it

and you’re stupid

he has an idea

“hyung, do you think it would be okay if we threw a party to celebrate the end of the semester?”

“hm, i'm not against it tbh”

“ok nice, what about next friday night? i think everyone's finals ends like tomorrow”

“right! who are you inviting?”

“well, the boys, some people from my classes… you can invite whoever you want, right? i'll talk to Jacob later”

“ok then”

and it’s cliche

again

kevin’s plan consist into putting you, sangyeon and a bit of alcohol into the same room

and he’s sure you’ll end up confessing (or the other way around

but sangyeon doesn’t drink too much and he can handle it pretty well

so he’ll count on your part

AND FRIDAY NIGHT COMES RUNNING AROUND THE CORNER AND YOU’RE DYING FOR IT BC IT’S THE FIRST TIME YOU’LL BE SEEING SANGYEON IN TWO WEEKS SINCE THE LAST DAY OF THE WORKSHOP

so you want to look REEEAALLY pretty, but you don’t wanna look like you’re trying too hard, you know?

just in case he doesn’t like you back… you want to spare yourself the SHAME…

so you go for some high waist black skinny jeans, a cute crop top and nice sneakers

the makeup is light, just to highlight your features. but you take extra care to the lip gloss

you want to make your lips look kissable aghjqweçqwelks

and there you go

when you arrive at the boys appartement you take a deep breath before ringing the bell

and you’re greeted by jacob and a slightly too drunk changmin (who’s attached to a weird chucky doll)

you’ve met some of kevin’s friends before, so the two of them are no strangers to you

you greet them with a smile and lean closer to ask for kevin

the music playing is loud enough to make you need to be closer to them to communicate

jacob nods to the kitchen direction and you just go

and you meet your friend, who’s not drunk, but is already too excited for someone who's totally sober

you stay around, sipping from some sweet drinks kevin and other two boys (chanhee and younghoon, you learned) prepared for you

it’s all fun and games and for some time you even forgot that sangyeon was probably at this party too

kevin, on the other hand, keeps an eye around, ready to strike some moves just to try and make you and sangyeon interact…

well, at least for the first half hour

later he gets too cheerful and crazy, so he leaves you to go to the dance floor (actually their living room where the couch is put away and you can’t see the coffee table anywhere near)

and you’re okay with that really

you’ll just stay here chilling and enjoying the view

but when you finally land your eyes on sangyeon, something churns inside you

there’s a huge grin on his face while he talks to some girls

he’s talking, gesticulating with his hands, his eyebrows are raised and there’s a smile on his lips

and he’s having fun while telling whatever story he’s saying

gosh he looks so good wearing all black and a fucking LEATHER JACKET!!!

that should be illegal to look so good

that genre of sangyeon should be illegal

sangyeon himself should be illegal tbh

the girls around him burst in a fit of giggles

the blond one who’s right beside him is touching his arms

batting her long eyelashes at him, tucking her pretty luscious hair behind her ear…… she’s shameless flirting!!!!

and you’re like 🚩🚩🚩🚩 oh 🚩🚩🚩🚩

you have no right to feel jealous about him, y/n, so stop right there

no hating on other girls for doing what you do not have the courage to do

you try giving yourself a pep talk

but you do feel a bit disappointed

even if it is crystal clear that sangyeon is THE CAMPUS OFFICIAL CRUSH

so you just take a deep breath and try and hold the ugly feelings to yourself

you shouldn’t let something like this just screw up your night

you came to have a good time!!! come on, it’s the first friday night of summer break! you aced on your finals!

it’s time to celebrate, not to cry over a boy you just have a tiny crush on

so you stay around the kitchen, preparing some weird drinks with a boy named juyeon

and after two younger boys (our dear sunric!!!!!) approached you, the four of you started some questionable drinking games

where you had to guess things about each other, if you guess wrong, you should take a shot

you’re not sure if you’re drunk by the time, but everytime sunwoo and eric called you NOONA (you don’t even know where this kind of treatment came from, you just got to meet them) you found it really freaking cute

time goes by quickly and you guys are immersed on your little game

but as soon as you notice your tipsiness is getting out of hand, you oblige yourself and the three boys in front of you to stop drinking

and a few minutes later you already feel better, just drinking only some apple juice

yes, apple juice… and it tastes disgusting, you just can’t stop staring at it on the cup thinking there’s going to pop out some weird alien from it at any second

when suddenly

“oh, hey there” at the sound of the familiar voice, you can’t help but look up with an oversized smile

you swear you see some weird motion by your side, as if eric was going to pounce on sangyeon, but juyeon and sunwoo kinda held him back

(later that night you got to know that he was really going to jump on sangyeon cause he wanted to hug and shower his hyung with love, but the other two FELT in the air that there was some unfinished business between you and sangyeon soooooo)

“don’t you guys wanna dance? let 's go dancing! bye y/n, bye hyung” juyeon says while dragging eric with him

“it was nice playing with you, noona” sunwoo speeds off the kitchen with an exasperated wave

“right, see you later” you say

and sangyeon giggles at the situation, before getting closer to you

“so you’ve been here for a while?” sangyeon asks

“oh, yes, for a bit, probably” you don’t know how to answer tbh cause you know your drunk blushy cheeks reveal everything even tho where you’re standing the light is slight dim

out there the music is still blasting and you’re feeling hot in anticipation cause sangyeon is looking at you so intensely

“it’s nice seeing you again, y/n”

you stare at sangyeon and he seems so sincere…

“i’m glad to see you too, yeon” you manage to confess

and you don’t know if it’s the alcohol or just some rush of adrenalin, but the only thing running through your mind the entire night is how attractive sangyeon looks

and in his presence seems to be so much stronger bc you can smell his perfume

IT’S INSANE HOW YOUR MIND IS SPINNING JUST BC OF A GUY

(oh but he’s THE guy, so we understand you, y/n, don't worry)

and you can’t stop yourself from staring

you look into sangyeon’s eyes, and his strong cheekbones, his tall nose AND HIS FULL LIPS THAT LOOK SO SO SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO KISSABLE

you're going to die here i’m being serious

but your mind is such a trap

and out of nowhere flashes of that pretty girl who was flirting with him earlier comes to your mind

and your smile falter in your face

now your mind is so full of doubts and insecurity

“Y/N?” he says your name and something snaps inside you

im telling you, no one knows what was it that spurred you into some action

(it was the alcohol lmao)

but before you can second guess yourself, your hands are already cupping sangyeon’s face, putting him down to your height, to press your lips firmly against his

YOU GO GIRRRLLLLLLL GET YOUR MAN!!!!!!!!!!!

you don’t even know what you meant for that to be

just a peck?

you Do nOt kNoW

neither do i

but you’re so MAD RIGHT NOW

you can’t focus in other thing than how much you WANT SANGYEON

YOU WANT HIM TO TAKE YOU ON DATES

AND YOU WANT TO KISS HIM

YOU WANT TO SPEND AFTERNOONS WITH HIM AGAIN

AND YOU WANT HIM TO BE AWAY FROM PRETTY BLOND GIRLS BC THE ONLY GIRL YOU WANT HIM TO THINK ABOUT IS YOOOOUUUU

(omg that was cheesy im painfully sorry)

but his breath is hot against your lips

he smells like some boyish musk perfume and tastes like mango flavored vodka

even tho you just caught him on surprise, sangyeon do not waste a second and kiss you back

both of you end up throwing all caution through the window (i mean, for a couple of idiots who were stepping on eggs around each other,,,,, a kiss on a party on a kitchen with other people around is kinda BOLD)

you’re freaking kissing sangyeon

(in my mind right now there’s an audience screaming and cheering up for this scene)

you’re really kissing him the way you’ve dreamt so many times for the past months

it’s kinda sloppy, it’s not thaaat great because LET’S BE HONEST you are both drunk

but you try your best to make it special

so you curl your hands around the nape of his neck and lace your fingers through his soft hair

and sangyeon’s hands go straight to your waist 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

he grips tightly at your skin and pulls you closer while he himself is melting against you

TF BRO AN HOUR AGO YOU WERE HOLDING YOURSELF FROM CRYING CAUSE YOU SAW A GIRL FLIRTING WITH HIM AND NOW YOU’RE MAKING OUT WITH HIM IN HIS KITCHEN

you’re completely absorbed on eachother

AND KEVIN IS LAUGHING MALEFICLY AT THE CORNER OF THE PARTY BC HIS PLAN WORKED OUT

when you break the kiss, your hands stay wrapped around his neck and his hands stay firmly on your waist

you’re both out of breath and your foreheads are pressed together

and there’s this dumb little grin plastered across your face even tho YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW

WHAT DO YOU DO NOW?

but before you can let the panic control you

one of sangyeon’s hands comes up to touch your face softly

he kinda needed a moment to think too, you know?

and when your eyes meet his, you see adoration in it

“would you like to go out sometime?” he whispers

o mG F I N A L L Y HE ASKED YOU OUT (it’s easier now, right, you just did the hard part of KISSING HIM FIRST but okay we’ll let that slide bc he’s cute when he’s shy)

and you answer with an “of course”

and that’s how you both just turned into the “It Couple” of the campus

even tho some girls (and guys too humpf) get really jealous of you

sangyeon only has eyes for you

and he even dedicate some of his playlist at sangsang night just for you

and even tho some people think that being taken would make sangyeon less popular

it didn’t!!!!

it just made him a lot wiser about relationships

and now he offered some advices about dating and this kind of sentimental stuff

oh, and you’re always at sangyeon’s apartment now

and kevin is really happy bc you’re good company to have around

its all really cute bro

n/a: would you guys like it if i did part 2? i was thinking about making something more focused on radio dj!sangyeon… feel free to hit my askbox if you wanna say something, alright? thanks for reading until here ♡

#sangyeon #lee sangyeon #the boyz #the boyz sangyeon #sangyeon fluff #sangyeon au #sangyeon imagine #sangyeon x reader #sangyeon fanfic #the boyz fluff #the boyz au #the boyz imagine #the boyz x reader #the boyz fanfic #the boyz drabbels #sangyeon drabbles #sangyeon blurbs #the boyz blurb

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quindolyn · 4 years

Note

hi can i request the maurauders going to see the reader do a musical like heathers or mean girls and they are just confused and turned on bc they didn't expect it to be this dirty (can lead to smut or not). luv you and hope you are taking care of yourself, if not go get something to eat, drink some water, take a nap, or do somthing you enjoy. or dont not trying to be pushy :)

Creature of the Night || Poly!Marauders

Word Count: 3029 (excluding song lyrics)

A/N: I think I liked how this turned out? I didn’t make it smut but it’s certainly suggestive, I went with Rocky Horror, I know that the musicals mentioned in the request are more modern but I fucking love Rocky Horror and I think it works with the request. When I first read this request I smiled so much because I love live theater, I don’t perform as much as I used to because as I progress with my education I’m focusing more on the stuff I can use to pad my resumes for college and stuff but I still love going to see productions. One of the worst parts of the pandemic for me has been not being able to go see shows, I miss it so much.

Warnings: theatre enthusiast reader, erections, suggestive material, song lyrics, slight teasing, wearing very little clothing in front of an audience, I believe that that is it

Masterlist

500 follower celebration

antici-

The magic of the stage was second to none. Sure, Hogwarts may have had witches and wizards, subjects like Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts, and ghosts that spent their time meandering about the halls but there was always a part of you that looked forward to the summer between your years at Hogwarts. Because no matter how magical Hogwarts was, the theater always made you feel completely and utterly alive.

Every summer since the one after your first year at what all of your muggle friends thought to be a very prestigious boarding school up in Scotland, you’d taken part in your local youth theater’s productions. Your parents both being muggles thought that it would be a great way for you to be able to stay in touch with your muggle origins.

The first year you’d been far too nervous to actually audition for a role, the very thought causing bile to churn in your stomach and threaten to make you sick all over your kitchen floor when your father first pitched the idea. So instead you’d done costumes and it was the most wonderful experience of your life.

Who needed drugs when you had live theater? The hustle and bustle behind the scenes was electrifying but after two summers of costuming, of quick changes in the wings, learning how to use the ancient sewing machines they stored in the depths of the storage rooms, and pulling pieces for the actors to try on you decided that you wanted to try something more.

The moment you had stepped onto the stage it was like you’d come to life and you cursed yourself for not taking the risk earlier. You belonged on the stage, with the harsh stage lights on you and pounds of makeup plastered onto your face you could feel the magic thrumming through your veins and it was addicting.

If it was possible, you were even more excited to perform this summer, the previous school year you’d finally gotten together with your long time best friends the Marauders, turning them from friends to your boyfriends.

When your mother had sent word of the production being put on this summer you’d squealed while seated next to James and across from Remus, who had Sirius hanging off of his side. After explaining to them, mostly Sirius and James really, just what live theater was their first reaction was to ask if they could come see you perform.

“I don’t even know if I’m going to be cast,” You had explained gently, not wanting to get their hopes up in case you weren’t cast this year.

“Bull shit of course you’re going to be the cast,” Sirius had contested through a mouthful of jam and toast, waving his hand theatrically through the air, watching him that day was not the first time you’d considered how the way he acted often reminded you of an over enthusiastic theatre major.

Remus, the only one with any knowledge on muggle theatre had snorted, wrapping an arm around Sirius’ waist to pull him closer to his body, “She’s not going to be the cast Pads, she’s going to be casted,” He’d corrected gently, pressing a kiss into his long, dark tresses.

“Whatever,” The smaller boy had grumbled, taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

Which brought you to where you were right now, five minutes to curtain touching up your make up in the mirror of the shared make-up room.

“Hey (L/N),” One of your cast mates called settling into the makeup chair next to you as she plucked a tube of dark red lipstick from the small canary colored makeup bag she had previously abandoned on the counter, “Your boyfriends coming tonight?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“Yeah, they are,” You responded, applying mascara to your lashes.

“Excited to meet them, that photo you showed us,” She smiled, fanning her face with her hand, “Smoking,” She smiled, making eye contact with you in the mirror.

Rolling your eyes you ignored her comment, “It’s five minutes to curtain, you’re just now doing your make-up?” You chuckled, noticing her black face.

“Oh, shove it,” She laughed as you pushed yourself from your chair, traipsing out of the room, giving her the middle finger on your way out.

“Break a leg!” She called after you as the door latched shut.

You weren’t usually this nervous before a performance but knowing that your three boyfriends were sitting out there somewhere in the audience had you pacing back and forth backstage wondering what they were going to think of the whole production.

“Rocky Horror?” Sirius’ confusion evident in his voice as he plopped down in his seat next to Remus, throwing his arm around the werewolf’s shoulders, drumming his fingers on his clothed shoulder hidden behind his knitted cardigan.

“Yeah,” James collapsed into his chair on the other side of Remus, tucking one leg under his body, “No clue what it’s about but I’m sure our angel will be wonderful. Can you guys see her?” He straightened himself up in his seat, craning his neck in attempts to catch a glimpse of you.

Remus being the only one with any ties to the muggle world knew a bit about the show and had to do his very best to suppress a smirk from overtaking his face as he knew exactly what he and your other two boyfriends were getting themselves into.

“Just hush up you two, the show’s gonna start any moment,” He scolded, patting his large, scarred hand on James’ thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Rem,” Sirius whined, puckering his lips and closing his eyes, signaling to his boyfriend that he wanted a kiss.

“My needy baby,” He crooned, leaning in to connect his lips with Sirius’ in a quick liplock before pulling back, allowing Sirius to drop his forehead to smear against his shoulder.

“That’s mean,” Sirius murmured discontentedly.

“Poor baby Pads,” James cooed mockingly.

“Both of you,” Remus hissed as the lights in the theatre dimmed, “The show’s about to start, be good for me and be quiet yeah?”

Their response came in their silence as the crowd started settling down and the music from the orchestra pit began a voice coming from somewhere out of sight as it was played through the speakers,

“Michael Rennie was ill

The day the earth stood still

But he told us where we stand”

Not 20 minutes into the show all three of them were as hard as rocks, James had already made Remus check the playbill for the name of the character you were playing, not being able to remember what you’d told them as all of his concentration was focused on a certain place.

Janet Weiss.

Remus couldn’t remember either, but he was almost certain that’s the name he could make out in the dark theatre, printed next to a picture of your smiling face.

When you’d stripped down to your underwear the boys could barely focus on the plot line of the show, only being able to watch the way your bare skin shone under the harsh light of the spotlights. Watching as sweat glistened on your skin, making you shine as you moved about the stage.

Enchanted by the melodic cadence of your voice they all felt a certain jealousy burning deep in the pits on their stomachs at the thought that there were dozens of other people packed into that theater, all observing you in your vulnerable state of under dress. Only they got to see you like that.

Sirius missed much of the first act glaring at members of the audience who he deemed as looking at you for too long for his liking, but if you were being honest a 4th year smiling at you in the hallway was sometimes too long for his liking.

It wasn’t like any of them had never seen you naked before, in fact they’d all seen you naked more than their fair share of times but something about you on that stage in a white bra with a matching slip was driving them all crazy.

Especially Remus, whose ultimate weakness was seeing you in anything white which was one of the reasons you’d been so excited to invite them in the first place, knowing that they would be horny messes the entire time.

On stage you did your very best not to look out into the audience looking for them, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to stop a ginormous grin from forming on your face and you couldn’t afford to break character. Not if you wanted the night to go your way.

As the opening notes to “Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me”, rose from the orchestra pit you had trouble stopping a small smirk from pulling at your lips as you opened them, inhaling deeply before singing the first words of the song,

“I was feeling done in, couldn't win

I'd only ever kissed before”

Despite yourself you caught a glimpse of long dark hair in the audience, quickly taking a glance at Sirius’ face, eyes glazed over in lust, legs shifting uncomfortably with his mouth hanging wide open.

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed another raven-haired boy’s mouth dropping as you shrugged off of your robe

“I thought there’s no use getting, into heavy petting

It only leads to trouble and, seat wetting

Now all I want to know, is how to go

I've tasted blood and I want more”

It was impossible to miss the way Remus’ jaw clenched as you laid your palm against Rocky’s chest, he was being played by your good friends who’d been working with the same theatre company as you since forever, he was like a brother to you. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t lay it on extra thick tonight with your boyfriends in the audience.

Tracing a dainty finger down Rocky’s chest you pushed your body against his singing out the next lyrics of the song,

“I've got an itch to scratch, I need assistance”

You turned you and your cast mate so that looking over his shoulder you were able to meet Remus’ eye, sending him a quick wink before focusing back in on Rocky.

“Toucha, toucha, toucha, touch me

I wanna be dirty

Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me

Creature of the night”

Pressing your back up against Rocky’s chest you guided his hands with yours to your breasts, squeezing them as you followed the choreography you knew by heart.

You ripped your slip from your body with the help of Rocky leaving you in only your white bra, matching panties and a pair of small heels as you paraded around stage, belting the suggestive lyrics into the theater.

“Then if anything grows, while you pose

I'll oil you up and rub you down (down, down, down)

And that’s just one small fraction, of the main attraction

You need a friendly hand, oh i need action”

You smirked, thinking about all of the action you’d be on the receiving end of later that night as you sunk to your knees in front of Rocky, your hands grasping his thighs. Deciding to tease them perhaps a little more than necessary as you went through the number, curling your leg around his and pressing your bodies together so that there was no space between your two questionably clothed bodies.

As the number was brought to a close it was impossible for you to ignore the excitement bubbling up inside of you as you continued your way through the show you kept throwing glances at your boyfriends, always finding their eyes already trained on you. More often than not, on some body part other than your face.

If your boyfriends thought that they had a bit of a problem before that song they were in a terrible predicament now.

Remus caught Sirius on multiple occasions trying to move the hand that he was holding to grope at his crotch as he tried to buck up into his boyfriend’s hand. And much to his own dismay, Remus would pull his hand away, thinking it probably wasn’t the best idea to give his boyfriend a hand job in a crowded theater. Knowing that he wouldn’t have to worry about James touching himself because he would never dream of disobeying him, Remus divided his attention between you on the stage and keeping Sirius in check.

Each of the boys were counting down the seconds until the show came to an end and they could get out of there and relieve some of their tension. As the curtains were pulled closed they all breathed a sigh of relief before they reopened, leaving all three of them bewildered and slightly annoyed, even more so when they noticed everyone around them standing as they applauded the actors.

Remus forced both of them up when you rushed to the front of the stage, curtsying as the crowd went wild, your boyfriends most notably. As you took your bow you blew a kiss to your boyfriends taking note of the uncomfortable way they all stood, trying to adjust their erections to make them less noticeable while simultaneously applauding you.

As you cleared the stage after curtain call you took your time, doddling towards the dressing rooms where you had left the clothes you’d arrived at the theater in along with a special outfit you’d brought for after the show. Usually you were one of the first actors to clear the theater after a show but tonight you took your time. Hanging up your costume with more care than anyone really should treat any garment with and certainly more than what it needed.

You smirked mischievously as you pulled the you’d brought outfit from your bag and shimmied it up your legs before slipping the delicate straps up your shoulders. You glimpsed yourself in the mirror, the red satin of the dress clinging to your curves in an attractive manner, short enough to display miles of legs and low cut enough to show off a decent amount of cleavage and perhaps a sighting of the matching red bra you were wearing beneath it.

Slinging the back of your black heels over the heel of your feet you snatched your purse from the armchair in your dressing room before striding out to go meet your boyfriends in the lobby, where you’d told them to wait for you.

Their heads all turned as they heard the clacking of your heels against the tile of the floor, “Boys,” You greeted as they unabashedly took in your new appearance.

As he most often was, Remus was the first one to collect himself, “Puppy, you were wonderful,” He praised, walking to meet you as you approached him, leaning down to smear a kiss against your cheek, “You did amazing up there, so proud of you,” He threw his arm around your waist as you walked towards Sirius and James.

“We got something for you,” He explained, his grip on your waist tightening, “Jamie give it to her, yeah?”

“Oh yeah,” The smaller boy grinned, remembering the bouquet he held cradled in his arms as he handed it over to you, “Here you go angel.”

“Thank you Jamie,” You said as you took it from him, closing your eyes as you buried your nose in the sweet smelling flora. As you opened your eyes you made eye contact with Sirius, who stood across from you, practically drooling as he took in your appearance without any shame, “They smell wonderful.”

“You okay Si?” You asked, looking up through your eyelashes, batting them innocently.

“Like you don’t know exactly what you did up there to us (Y/N/N),” Remus whispered in your ear, pressing his nose into your temple.

“You guys are the ones who wanted to come,” You lilted, rubbing one of the velvety petals between the pads of your thumb and forefinger.

“Could’ve warned us,” James mumbled, his eyes not leaving your thighs as he licked his lips, if it were anyone else you would’ve been uncomfortable but you couldn’t help but feel flattered whenever any of them ogled you.

“And what’s with the dress Pup?” Sirius nodded his head appreciatively towards your dress, obviously admiring the way it hung on your body.

“What, you don’t like it?” You asked with fake hurt in your voice, knowing that he more than liked it, he fucking loved it.

“S’not that,” Remus mumbled, nosing at your jugular, “Just that whole show, got us a little bit worked up. We didn’t expect it to be so sexual Puppy,” He nodded towards James and that’s when you noticed the erection he was still sporting.

“Got us really worked up, can we go home now?” James asked, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, trying to distract himself from his little problem.

“Jamie,” You whined, smiling wickedly, “I wanted to celebrate, I was thinking we could go eat somewhere, I was thinking maybe Thai food?”

You watched as Sirius ground his teeth, conflicted between needing to get home and not wanting to deny you from what you wanted.

“Having fun teasing us Bunny?” Remus asked you with a sly smirk, knowing exactly what you were doing.

“M’not teasing,” You insisted, turning indignantly to your other boyfriend.

“Sure you aren’t,” He chuckled, “Thai sounds great (Y/N), wanna talk with you about the show,” The idea of teasing Sirius and James even longer was very appealing to Remus and he was ready to make the sacrifice of being teased himself, knowing that he’d be able to get back at you later that night.

“But-” James began.

“You wanna argue with me Jamie?” Remus challenged, raising a singular eyebrow.

“No,” He moped, “Of course not.”

“Good,” Remus said, nodding his head approvingly, “We wouldn’t wanna deny our Princess would we?”

James shook his head, eyes pleading, desperately seeking Remus’ approval.

“Pads?” Remus challenged, turning his attention to the other raven haired man.

“What? Oh um, of course not,” He agreed distractedly, dragging his eyes from your form to meet Remus’, his reluctance evident in his voice.

“Good,” Remus said pointedly, his eyes cold, daring Sirius to question him. When he didn’t the werewolf continued, “Let’s get going then, there’s a nice little restaurant a couple blocks away yeah?”

As you all hummed your consent you made your way to the exit, “Ten galleons if you can make James cum in his pants at dinner,” Remus whispered in your ear quietly enough so that James and Sirius trailing behind you wouldn’t be able to hear you, you could hear the smirk in his voice as you exited the theatre.

“Deal.” This was going to be fun, you considered that you might have to invite them to come see the show again.

-pation

tagging: @randomoutsiders @weasleyposts @kittykylax @amourtentiaa @superbturtlemakerathlete

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atsvmi-x · 3 years

Text

my personal characterization of eren bc i’ve been thinking about him a lot🥰 this is all modern!au bc canon literally never happened.

these aren’t x reader headcanons but i have more than enough thoughts about eren in a relationship to provide those soon!

General

Loud, brash, and loyal to a fault - you either love him or hate him (or if you’re Jean, you both love and hate him)

Those that he allows into his inner circle are friends for life. He’s easy to piss off but he’s quick to forgive when it comes to friends and family. If that doesn’t apply to you, or you cross those closest to him, he’ll hold a grudge long after the issue is resolved. You’re on his shit list for life.

He wears his heart on his sleeve. It’s literally impossible for him to conceal his emotions. If he’s angry, sad, annoyed, happy, literally anything his feeling you will be sure to know.

The same goes for his opinions. Blunt beyond belief. If he thinks something is stupid he won’t hesitate to say so. He’ll backtrack to soften his delivery if he notices that it offends other parties though.

All of these factors can lead to awkward moments. 99% of the time he’s confident enough in his stance to ignore how others might receive him but the other 1% of the time you might catch the rare sight of his cheeks heating up.

Contrary to popular belief, Eren is actually smart. Not to the same caliber of Armin, Erwin or Hange when it comes to critical thinking and analysis, but it is still above average. That being said, he doesn’t necessarily apply himself to subjects that don’t immediately interest him. However, he has impeccable game sense, making him quite the accomplished athlete.

Anger issues. Clearly. It made him a difficult child... for most of his life (and probably the reason he’s an only child) but as he’s gotten older he’s learned to manage his temper. It’s still easy to rile him up though, and it’ll be a cold day in hell before he backs down from a challenge. But for the most part his attitude is a running joke between those he’s closest with.

He has a strong moral compass and sense of justice. Not in the sense that he’s conservative, far from it. His personal ideology is: as long as it’s not hurting anyone people should do what they want. and anyone that messes with that is wrong. He’s a simple guy

Bad at flirting. He can be super oblivious and when he does catch on, he’s not smooth at all. But he’s tall and pretty so it comes off as endearing 99% of the time. It’s his boy-ish charms that save him every time.

Childhood

Cute as a button as a baby. Poor Carla and Grisha were blindsided when he hit his terrible twos.

Had no friends besides Armin until middle school when his parents adopted Mikasa.

Before Mikasa, he and Armin were the black sheep of the neighborhood kids. Eren easily alienated himself from the neighborhood kids and his schoolmates due to his brash nature. Looking back on it, he still stands with his decision since it meant he found his first friend.

(Armin didn’t fit in for his old soul thanks to being raised by his grandparents)

Super curious and didn’t realize how small he was in such a big world. On several occasions he wandered off because of his curious nature. Would have been a leash kid if leash kids were a thing when he was growing up.

Could technically be considered a school bully for talking down to kids on the playground. HOWEVER, he was smaller than other kids for a while, meaning his haughty attitude resulted in petty school yard fights that he lost most of the time. Still, he never cried and never learned his lesson.

Since we was never against a fight, he made it his mission to take up for Armin. When Mikasa joined his family he did the same for her when their peers made comments about her different looks. As we know, those roles soon reversed with Mikasa taking on a protector roll

To try and find a suitable outlet for his excess...energy...Carla and Grisha signed him up for every sport under the sun. Was pretty good too but excelled at football and track and field.

Teen

Was on a first name basis with administration during his school years for getting too invested in classroom debates. His fired up nature easily boiled over outside the classroom resulting in several fist fights

Got suspended once for said fights, but more often than not Mikasa saved him before he could get into more trouble.

So angsty. Literally a textbook case of teen angst from the loud music, dark clothes, to butting his heads with his parents he was truly a nightmare. (He recognizes this and is forever apologetic to his parents for being so difficult during this time)

Started to grow out of his rebellious phase by his junior year. There was no real explanation for it he just...did. That’s not to say that he was any less combative, he just knew what battles to pick. Good job Eren.

By the time he graduates he’s such a mama’s boy. He’s always loved him mom but now his eyes have been opened to how much of a handful he was growing up. He’s embarrassed anytime she brings up old stories but he knows it’s all in good fun.

He’s also had a major growth spurt by the time he graduates and his years of playing sports have definitely paid off. He’s a total heartthrob by his senior year and unintentionally a heartbreaker. Again, it’s hard to break into his circle, nothing personal.

Young Adult (College/Post Grad)

Commits to playing football exclusively. Not out of hopes of going pro but he just really likes the sport. He’s well known around campus between sports and his personality.

Still, he can be found with any one member of his crew at any given time. It’s rare to find him by himself unless he’s in his dorm room. He’s a total extrovert and gets bored easily when left to his own devices.

BUT he’s not a total party animal. Definitely prefers kickbacks to partying. But he will show his face if someone personally asks him to come.

Smokes and drinks the normal amount. Knows his limits and isn’t a lightweight for either. But under the right conditions (i.e. drinking games, bets, etc.) he’ll over indulge. Far too touchy when he’s under the influence.

Struggled to find his “calling” in school. Most of his friends fell into majors that they clicked with but it wasn’t that easy for him. He probably ends up with a fifth year under his belt. since he didn’t officially declare a major until maybe junior year.

Graduates with a political science degree! 1) He fooled his parents into thinking he’d go to law school which satisfied his doctor dad. 2) While he doesn’t exactly know how, he wants to improve daily life for the less fortunate and he thought this was a good step to do that. 3) He loved being able to argue for a grade during in-class debates

I know we all love streamer!Eren but I really do think he’d end up going down a creative/independent route where he’s not tied to a desk 9-to-5. It really stressed him out to think about doing thing for 50 years and then being able to enjoy life after retirement.

Other

Like previously mentioned, his music tastes were pretty narrow. But as his social circle grew and he was exposed to new genres his musical pallet has expanded. His go to genres are still heavy, but he’s not against asking what song just played if he liked it (unless you’re Jean, he’ll never give him the satisfaction).

I feel like his celebrity crush is Doja Cat. I have no evidence I just feel like he’d be into her.

Baby can NOT dance. if he tries hard he can bust a two step but usually he doesn’t usually put forth the effort though. It just gets worse if he drinks.

Very much a night owl but surprisingly, he doesn’t like to sleep in either. Feels like there’s too much stuff to do in a day to just waste it in bed. He contradicts himself though bc he can spend all morning in bed playing around on his phone (he’s addicted)

#could you tell that i love him?#eren #eren jeager #eren yeager #eren x reader #eren jeager scenarios #eren jeager headcanons #eren yeager scenarios #eren yeager headcanons #aot x reader #aot scenarios #aot headcanons #my writing

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raventons · 5 years

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The list of names

*scary music playing* Ok, guys, in the light of American Middle Eastern policy, that has once again brought me to tears, I decided to do something a bit happier (this is me trying to influence my followers to read the news and fight for the right thing and all that jazz). I’ve got a lot of asks recently, mostly from people new to the world of CC, about which creators are the best, so I’ve made this little list of the creators I download and use the most. This is not in any way a complete collection, I might have forgotten someone (and there’s also plenty of creators I haven’t discovered yet). Also, these are all build creators, mainly creating alpha CC. Please feel free to add to this list. Also also, the description I’ve used for the artists are totally my own making, so if you are a creator and feel like I am describing your work in an unfair way, go ahead and punch me in the face. If I was a new simmer, I would check out these creators: Retired: MXIMS - Makes modern, real life furniture with the best quality. Has many downloads left on their website. MINCSIMS - Similar to MXIMS (with some amazing collabs), also with a beautiful talent for doors and windows. Not many objects left in orbit, but google is your friend. DAER0N - Done everything from noodles to palms, but the recent Daer0n I would describe as gold, dark and modern, with 3D modeling skills out of this world. Retired, and much of the old stuff is gone, but some can be found at bloomingrosy. DOX - Similar to Daer0n with a slightly stricter, more wooden approach. The most underrated one of the retired giants. Has some downloads left on their website. ANBS - Super clean aesthetic. Modern, real life furniture. Many downloads left on their website. SLYD - Mostly known as a CAS creator, but has the amazing shoes and bags available as decor. All downloads left on the website. HVIKIS - Wallpapers and wall art. All downloads left on the website. VIIKIITA - Recolors to die for. Not many objects left in orbit, but google is your friend. Active (I think. I hope. I don’t know): ARSBOTANICA - Previously simshamlet. Does really lovely, vintage aesthetic perfume bottles and amazing flowers. SLOX - A personal favorite. Modern, I’d say. And realistic. But often with objects you didn’t even know you needed, that ends up being the main inspiration for the whole build. Like some folded shirts, or a stack of books. 13PUMPKIN - A long with Artvitalex this is the best wood creator in the community. The sets are kind of like “small-lovely-family-home”-style, but can be used in big, modern builds with equally outstanding results. WONDYMOON - My by far most used creator. The most organized one too, I’d say. All sets match eachother, and are easy to find (and are all named by elements, this guy is a rock star). PYSZNYDESIGN - The Kilburn set is to die for. MEINKATZ - Literally replicas of real life furniture, with their history and all. Honestly the coolest thing ever. Also, a really nice person. PRALINESIMS - The best floor and wall creator, hands down. I don’t know if this is really the person I should tag tho, so I’ll tag @cross-design and hope for the best because I honestly still don’t know who is who. I love them both tho. THE TSR GIANTS: SEVERINKA, KARDOFE, UNG999, SIMMAN123, PILAR, ARTVITALEX, ANGELA, DOT, BUFFSUMM, SHINO and NYNAEVE - Yes, a lot of the creators I mention here are active on TSR and a lot of my TSR giants are active elsewhere, but I still, maybe arbitrary, like to put these under the TSR flag because they represent that wonderful vibe of big sets, certain room types and signature colors. PEACEMAKER - a true legend. Some of the CC is borderline MM, but that is what makes them so perfect. They go with both themes. MIO - This is the first creator I downloaded from and they will always have a special place in my heart. Brilliant conversions, flower sets, seating, everything. NOVVVAS - A way too humble person that claims she is not the best in the game, when she truly is out of this world. RIGHTHEARTED - who I have been referring to as neiden my whole life because I am an idiot. TINGELINGLATER - Does a lot of things but blessed all of us with windows and since then I am in love. ANYE - Pinkbox Anye, to be correct. Lovely person. Lovely sets. Unique eyes. Adore this one. FOREVERDESIGNS - Will literally transform your bedroom. And kitchen. And life. BLACKMOJITOS - Build sets and sexy, stunning posters (and a basket every now and then). Also up for commissions, I just noticed. Go throw money at her. She is amazing. KAI-HANA - Has a totally unique style, where everything is alpha, but still has a beautiful, clayish touch to it. Underrated. AROUNDTHESIMS - A bit on the MM side, so if you’re looking for that MM/alpha mix, this is for you. Extremely productive. Does everything and more. CHERRY-SIMS - A part from the CC, this is also the best picture editor I’ve ever seen. I am a huge fan! CONCEPTDESIGN - Did someone say trees? YUMIA - Soft flowers, old school touch, vintage AGGRESSIVEKITTEN - Literally killed half the community with the recent brutalism set, which without a doubt will be voted best CC of 2020. Also, where else would you go for both beautiful, vintage objects AND a tarot card reading? Weirdly obsessed with seals. Makes amazing lots. I love you. DSCO - I gave up trying to spell this creators full name after the sixth attempt. I would describe the CC as cute. But not in the condescending (that I could spell) way. More in a bad-ass-I-need-all-of-these-objects-kind-of-way! KKB - My ignorant and uneducated ass wants to call it Korean, and I am sorry if this isn’t the right way to describe anything. Soft, pastel but at the same time very cool, with rattan and wood. DR GREENIE - Former Green Girl. Mostly MM, but has made some of my most used decor objects. HELEN - Extremely productive. Does everything. NIKADEMA - Has made my favorite sink! PQSIMS - Makes sets. Usually light wood. LUNATICAVILLAGE (2SIS) - Another underrated favorite. Everyone should go here and show as much love as possible! LAVI3ENROSE - A creator that entered my world quite recently. Art deco. Bronze. Gold. And the best wrapped Christmas presents of 2019. DDAENG SIMS - Another giant that recently changed their name (used to be dreamteamsims). FELIXANDRE - The best historical creator (as in making epic shit that would create the most wonderful castle). Sometimes a bit on the MM side with the furniture, and that contrast makes it, in my eyes, even better. SIMCREDIBLE - Sets. Color matching. Often light and modern. I use their decor stones in every single one of my . SOLORIYA - MM creator. But even for us alpha bitches there are wonderful stuff (I think this is the case for most MM artists, I just don’t know so many of them). XELENN - Also does literally everything. One can scroll this blog for hours. OWL-PLUMBOB - Amazing build objects. SANOYSIMS - A long with MXIMS, I’d say this is one of the most “realistic” artists. WINNER9 - To me, this creator is all about the amazing wall art. But of course they make other stunning objects too. Marble tables, anyone? SJAMBOKSIM - My most used concrete walls (and I use concrete A LOT). AIFIRSA - Totally different style from everyone else. Absolutely love this aesthetic. VIVIAN STUDIO - This sounds weird, but their onions are the best object in my game. Don’t judge. HEURRS - A quite new creator who blew my mind with some recent candles and earned my first reblog since 456 BC. Love you. I am forgetting so, so many. Please, I sometimes can’t even remember my own name, so don’t feel hurt if I missed you. PLEASE comment your favorite creators below! Where would you advice new simmers to start looking for good CC? Love you guys!!!

#sims 4 #sims 4 cc #the sims #the sims 4 #creators #sims 4 creator #sims 4 creators #sims 4 cc finds #the sims 4 cc finds #sims cc #sims cc finds #sims4 #thesims4 #thesims

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lol-jackles · 3 years

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austinite opinion on the Ackles leaving this godforsaken city —

if I were jensen I would take my family and leave too. Austin has had its issues over several years and the infrastructure can’t take the strain of its population much longer, and then covid was added on top. their kids are getting older and even a rich kid’s school options suck. the traffic is just straight up dangerous w/ very high rates of drunk driving and weird aggressive stuff, its like a vehicular manslaughter competition even in nice residential areas. What’s the point in having a nanny take the kids for the day if you’re worrying they’ll get hit by a truck on a crosswalk on the way to the park????

the city’s terrible policies on homelessness mean even in upscale neighborhoods theres problems related to people camping or dumping trash and a lot of weird violence and mental health crises, and the city has resources for probably only 15% of its homeless population and the mayor and gov are eager to make decisions that make the problem worse like they’re hoping homeless people will just die off. in 2018 the entire county’s water supply was //full of rotting clams// and was unusable for a week, and then in the ice storm this year the state’s privatized power grid failed, and even the padaleckis had bursting pipes and dead animals.

6th St and Rainey St are garbage and violent and tbh I’m surprised it’s taken this long to trigger a mass shooting like the recent one on 6th, not to mention it’s more public that there are high rates of sexual assault downtown and at UT and the DA just…doesn’t attempt to prosecute at all.

Jared’s roofied scuffle on 6th looks shocking from an outside POV but if you’re local it’s mundane. And I do think he was roofied, I showed the videos to a family member with a law enforcement background and he agreed. whether he was or not, that kind of crap happens two or three dozen times a night downtown thurs-sat and there were extra cops downtown that night bc it was halloween and extra crazy. Local people mostly got a kick out of it happening to jared like it was a down to earth kinda thing.

I know it doesn’t seem like privileged people should gaf or be affected by most of this but it sucks the fun out of anywhere you go here unless you gtfo out of the city (which is why the brewery is actually in a great location, right on the main route to big day tripping attractions) like yeah, theres all this quirky stuff to do in Austin but when a gay couple is nearly beat to death on open popular Rainey St and a homeless guy throws himself off a restaurant on SoCo during lunch rush it’s a fucking bummer.

And then you add covid and police violence on top of all that, and all the tourism/SXSW/ACL revenue and entertainment is tanked and that definitely derailed some of the Ackles’ plans, like the B&B they bought. but even if 2020 was a normal year those events are so congested now they aren’t very enjoyable even if you’re VIP.

but property taxes are the main thing: before they sold the lake house, tax laws about lakeshore property changed— previously it was barely taxed if at all bc of an old law from when no one wanted to build on the lakeshore like 40 yrs ago. Suddenly that untapped property tax potential is under a political microscope and I was like, I bet the Ackles will move and the Padaleckis won’t bc their property isn’t on the lake…and within a year the Ackles sold the lake house. absolutely not a coincidence.

so regardless of the state of their marriage (I really don’t buy what’s said about their marriage) austin isn’t what it was 10-15 years ago. They probably shouldn’t come back lol

Colorado is not far behind being turned into a shithole thanks to the Democrats running the state. Whenever Democrats control a city it always turns into a shithole.

"How Decades Of Democratic Rule Ruined Some Of Our Finest Cities" https://www.investors.com/politics/editorials/how-decades-of-democratic-rule-ruined-some-of-our-finest-cities/

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comicteaparty · 4 years

Text

July 27th-August 2nd, 2020 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party’s Farewell Party that occurred from July 27th, 2020 to August 2nd, 2020.

Chat:

Comic Tea Party

Comic Tea Party Farewell Party

With great sadness, but also the desire to end things with a bang, welcome to Comic Tea Party’s Farewell Party! This week we’re going to have a casual hang-out with everyone in the server, ask some general questions about comics, and just try to have a good time that lets us all have one last hurrah before the server closes. So if that sounds good to you, we hope you join us.

Question Set 1 of 5 1. What has been your favorite comic to be featured by Comic Tea Party? (You can check the archives for a full list: https://comicteaparty.com/thursArchives & https://comicteaparty.com/weeklongarchives)? 2. What’s a new comic you found thanks to Comic Tea Party (or an old comic you learned to love again)?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

1. Mine, obv. Jkjk, my actual favorite comics whose book clubs I paticipated in were Ingress, Phantomarine, and Hovergirls. And man I've found so many good comics through CTP. Phantomarine, Hovergirls. Millennium, Only in Your Dreams, Joe is Dead, Valerie... I am sure I'm forgetting some too

Wait I think I may have actually not participated in the Phantomarine one

boogeymadam

1) phantomarine and devil's tongue!! joined for phantomarine's even 2) court of roses , sunny x rain

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

1) My favorite CTP feature hands down is Heart of Keol, but I unfortunately was not here for that. I have been a fan of that comic for many years. I also really enjoyed Only In Your Dreams. 2) I found a lot of fantastic comics here! KEYSPACE: A Winged Tale, Phantomarine (although I had heard of it previously), and SunnyxRain, to name a few. I also have a whole list of comics I still need to read! (Damn you my limited time! *waves fist). Princess Pop, Wayfinders, Puppeteer, Ghost Junk Sickness, Teasday, (probably some more I'm forgetting right now ). It's truly been a pleasure speaking with you all in this server! It's a crazy feeling finding a bunch of allies in this giant overwhelming comic-making world. Thanks to everyone who participated in my bookclub or has given me a word of encouragement or helped me with my work. Seriously, before I joined CTP, I felt like I was wading through an endless, abyssal sea all by myself.

carcarchu

1. My fave comic that was featured in the bookclub was Meet and Greet. I just found it incredibly darling, unique and memorable. The art was so lovely and I just became utterly enamoured by the whimsical atmosphere it produced. 2. i started reading yu + me dream bc it was mentioned in the server a few times and i actually ended up liking it a lot more than i thought i would. the art style obviously dates it but the artistry and writing of the comic really hold up and the artist clearly knew what she was doing. also it made me nostalgic for the early days of webcomics

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

1. I wasn't here for it, but O'Sarilho! I loved going back to read the answers, the comic has a special place in my heart! 2. There's so MANY comics and creators i found here who's works i truly admire. It'd start to be a long as heck list, so im going to be more general about it, but the CTP was definitely a good spot for me to pick up comics and have that chance to interact with creators and find out their process/inspo, and i cherish that so much!

Miranda (Into the Swell)

1. I haven't been in the server that long, but I'd probably say Phantomarine since I was actually here for that book club. 2. Ghost Junk SIckness, Phantomarine, Ingress Adventuring Co, Teasday, Whispers of the PAst, Joe is Dead, Magefront. So so many. And they're all amazing!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@carcarchu I think you may have seen me mention yu+me? Gosh, it's good, isn't it?? The art style may be dated in the beginning but the rest of the comic is timeless. The amount of creativity in all the art styles she used, wow. She definetly knew what she was doing. Also, brave to commit to such a plot twist. Never seen a story with this premise before!(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

1. Oh boy, there's a lot I think heart of Keol is my main contender, since I was there for the book club.

2. the folks I interacted with here, I ended up reading their comics! sunny x rain, WotP, Valerie, Reading Days, and a lot more! I dunno if I would be able to find more comics without the help of this server but I'm very thankful to be a part of it and getting to know a bulk of you here

Deo101 [Millennium]

1: I think my favorite one featured was Phantomarine ^^ being here for the book club definitely helped that, but it's also just really incredible <3 2: I've definitely found a ton of new comics here... mostly from meeting all the lovely creators, and wanting to see what they're talking about when they're gushing about the comics they love so much!

carcarchu

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) yes good writing is timeless! and i haven't actually gotten to the plot twist yet but i know of it!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

you haven't gotten to the plot twist yet?!

dude the art becomes so good

carcarchu

im still only on page 213

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

jeez no wonder you think the art style dates it!!

the author was intentionally drawing in a completely different style than her normal one the whole time

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/1e/1d/78/1e1d78ae54fa6be3d1076fbdcdcab84f.jpg https://64.media.tumblr.com/a87431cfb4e704d31c07eba9264ce979/tumblr_mve6g1D9y21qbtxv8o1_500.jpg

this is art she did before yu+me

carcarchu

oooh i totally thought that was her art style later!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i can't even imagine what it must've been like for her to keep the twist secret for so long

and all the crazyness she was going to do with her art later

this woman has truly impressive self control

eliushi [Keyspace]

A lot of my favs have been said!! I also really enjoyed Gender Slices (binged it all in two days), Desert Spell and Valerie! I love the diversity of the webcomics featured and how relatable they all are thank you again so much for running the book club!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Ohh I forgot about gender slices! Also forgot about sunnyxrain. And I did read whispers of the past and patent the sun , but i found out about both outside of ctp(edited)

did not finish (yet), but I've also read parts of teasday, hookteeth, and ghost junk sickness

OH and super galaxy knights

wow there are so many comics haha

Comic Tea Party

Question Set 2 of 5 1. What is your favorite thing about webcomics in general? 2. How did you get involved with webcomics?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Wow I literally do not remember how I got involved with webcomics

boogeymadam

1. Stories that feel more personal and heartfelt because the creator is usually just 1 or 2 people creating it mainly because they love it. Also getting to see protagonsits and stories, and even creators i relate to a lot more than those in more main media. 2. through manga as a young teen, searching up more stories like the ones i was interested in and couldnt get enough of and finding smackjeeves and hiveworks.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

1. What is your favorite thing about webcomics in general? Creativity!! With the freedom of publishing for free, writers and artists can be so imaginative, unique, and weird! I love reading stuff that the author made with full knowledge it will only ever appeal to a small number of people

but those small number of people will adore it

carcarchu

1. I love the indie charm of webcomics. when i interact with media that passes through more hands before the audience gets to it i sometimes feel that it gets polished to the point where it loses some of its charm. though webcomics might have more flaws than works that go through stringent editing, i feel that the flaws can make it more appealing. there can be problems with the writing or the art but i find with webcomics those problems can often be overcome just by the degree of raw passion and heart on display in those works. 2. same as eight it's been so long that i don't really remember but i have to assume that i somehow ended up on smackjeeves through deviantart? a lot of the artists i liked growing up also drew comics which they either posted on dA or on smackjeeves and through there i discovered more

eliushi [Keyspace]

Totally agree about how individual and different indie webcomics read vs traditional/ mainstream. I love how each webcomic is a reflection of the creator and how many different styles and creative ways one can tell a story! I got into webcomics from reading s bunch of manga and comics back in high school and stumbled upon smackjeeves and Phoenix requiem and that was my gateway into indie works

varethane

I got involved with webcomics because some friends of my friends in high school were making one, and I thought it seemed like super cool fun and wanted to do one too. Once i started reading more webcomics, it became hard to stop; the passion and earnestness is unmatched, and the stories people can tell when not held to the guidelines of what's considered 'marketable' by some executive somewhere are so unique and engaging

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

1) My favorite thing about webcomics is their diversity. I know not every webcomic is a creator's magnum opus, or the work by which they define themselves wholeheartedly, but you see so SO much variety. No two styles are exactly the same (unless someone's trying to incite drama, I guess ) and with that fact alone, every webcomic is so, so different. 2) I got involved with making webcomics purely out of boredom at work I just wanted a project that I could call my own, so I started drawing. But I read a few back in the day, mostly by coming across them on deviantART. Most weren't super polished, but there were a few that really stood out. It was nice to see the beginnings of what would eventually explode.

Miranda (Into the Swell)

1. The variety. There’s something for everyone and there’s different styles and its fantastic. And the people that are behind them. All the creators I’ve encountered have been super chill and kind and just inspiring. 2. I’m not sure? I think I just started reading on webtoons and it was a downhill (uphill? Cuz it’s good?) spiral from there

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

1. My favorite aspect of webcomics is that the genres and art styles are so diverse. And even beyond that, the types of characters represented are so unique! And this kind of bleeds into why I got into webcomics to begin with. I was so bored of superhero comics about white men fighting supernatural entities. Those stories have their place, and I also enjoy them on occasion, but after seeing them a million times, the content gets old. I love exploring webcomics by underrepresented people. POC, LGBT+ people, women, and genres that aren't typically shown in mainstream print comics. And that's what I love so much about webcomics: the diversity, the variety, the opportunity for people to tell their stories. 2. In regards to how I started reading webcomics, I originally read a lot of manga online that didn't have official English translations at the time, and then I found out about Korean webtoons, which sparked my interest in web-based content in general. I also found a few comics because of deviantART. Mostly because I followed a lot of skilled artists, and they would post about their webcomics. I found one of my favorite comics that way, Memorabilia, and I actually remember reading Where Tangents Meet before it got picked up as a Webtoon Original, and before the artist created Siren's Lament. I started drawing webcomics in 2014 because, for the first time since I had started writing, I couldn't imagine my story through solely words. I knew I needed to tell a visual story, and now I had an outlet: webcomics.

Comic Tea Party

Question Set 3 of 5 1. Why do you think more people should read webcomics? 2. What do you like the most about the webcomic community?

eliushi [Keyspace]

I think more people should read webcomics to see how different stories can be told and the different perspectives they share outside of mainstream media. There is also the privilege to be able to interact with the creators directly and be a part of the creative/ supportive process. I love how supportive everyone is! It’s amazing to see creators create fan art/fiction for one another, commiserate the difficulties in making things from our busy lives and celebrating every step of success. I also love the readers whose comments brighten my day and whose engagement motivates me to make the story inside my head Real.

Comic Tea Party

Question Set 4 of 5 1. How do you think webcomics will have changed 10 years from now? What about 20? 2. In the long-term, how will have webcomics changed the world?

RebelVampire

Set 1 1) As the host of CTP, I think I am obligated to say they were all my favorite. So I'm just gonna go with that. 2) As for new comics, honestly, most of them. Not to say many of them I hadn't heard of before, but hearing about them and finding time to read them are two different things. CTP really allowed me to make that time. Set 2 1) My favorite thing about webcomics is mostly just that anybody can do them. You don't need to have fantastic web skills. Don't need to hunt down a publisher and get rejected 1000 times. You just sit down, do it, and post it. Not to say the doing it part is easy, but there aren't the other sorts of barriers that wouldve stopped people when I was a kid. And I think this is great because it lets more and more ppl express their creativity and have avenues to potentially get their work seen. 2) Basically 90% of my life has been composed of knowing artists and having artists as friends. And most artists I know have had interest in webcomics at one point or another (even if they never pursued it or moved on from webcomics). So for me it was just a thing that was always there based on my particular social circles.

RebelVampire

Set 3 1) I think more people should read webcomics because of two reasons. One, the more people read indie stuff, the more it helps indie artists achieve whatever it is they're trying to achieve. With the internet, I think we need to move past the days of yore where artists were basically unknown until they were dead. Cause that's sad. So reading webcomics is a way to fight that and respect the inherent humanity, effort, and work that goes into creativity. Two, there's just more availability of stories. Whether you want to read some mainstream isekai like story or just want some super niche thing that is 100% tailored to your specific tastes, webcomics probably has it. And by reading webcomics, you can complain less about how the thing you want doesn't exist and spend more time being happy. 2) What I like most about the community is just being able to see lots of different people express themselves entirely differently from each other. That and the hard work everyone puts into their work. Set 4 1) 10 years from now I think someone will have come up with a way to auto format comics to better suit the medium they're on. So page format on desktop and print and vertical scroll on mobile. Thus reading experiences will be smoother. Not to say it won't be janky, but someone somewhere out there must be toying with something like this. Further, I think we will see a rise in some automations that make certain processes easier. Also, I think we'll see a rise in comics made with 3D instead of 2D, if only for the factor of accessibility. 20 years from now, that's hard to say. However, given the rapid pace of technology, one thing I think we might see is better computer vision and translation software so sites can auto generate multiple language versions of any comic.

2) In the long-term for changing the world, I will repeat what I said earlier to a degree. They'll create a world where people don't have wait to die to be noticed, and in so doing, they'll shape people's opinions since, by and large, that is one of the purposes of stories and the experience of stories.

Miranda (Into the Swell)

Set 4: 1. I think it will span out into a much more broad selection of art. I feel like a lot of the "most popoular" webcomics all have a similar anime art style and I feel like that will change more as time goes on. 2. I think they'll continue to bring people of different walks together and just give common ground. No one will feel alone because there will be something for everyone and a community behind all of it. I think they're going to be more accessible and less gated to devices/displays that your viewing them on. And I think there will be a lot more artists in the world because of them(edited)

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Your sets 3 and 4, Rebel just -oof- right in my heart I'm really excited about the possibilities of more and better automatic translation just on the internet in general, but definitely for webcomics that would be amazing if an AI could just translate mine and everyone else's into all the languages.

mathtans

Whelp, I'm behind again.

SET 1. With the caveat that I'm behind in all my reading. It's very sad. I'm still working on 2019 here.

1. My favourite might have to go to "The Cat, The Vine and The Victory". Just a really interesting concept, enjoyed the writing, there's a yuri couple (of sorts), a person who can't speak, it somehow updated really frequently... yeah.

https://tapas.io/series/The-Cat-The-Vine-and-The-Victory

mathtans

2. Here there's too many to mention. But I'll mention a bunch anyway and apologies to those I miss: CHAMPS, Centralia 2050, 7 inch Kara, Neon Rabbit, My Dad is a Magical Girl, Super Galaxy Knights Deluxe R, Nine Twilights... and the list goes on.

SET 2.

1. Favourite thing? This will sound weird, but I guess how they're always there. Like, I can't keep up even week to week, but suddenly there's some time to binge and you can see story and art evolve as you look at the last few months all at once. Actual comics hire different writers or artists a lot of the time, and if you miss an issue it can be a pain finding it. Though I also like the point that's been made about how there's access on the creation side too. And how communities can crop up based on them.

2. How did I get involved with webcomics. Sigh. Strap in. I'm one of those weird types who came in via writing, not art. In 2011 (oh no, I'm old) I had the idea of personifying mathematical equations, where the hairstyles would relate to the graphs. But not being an artist, I basically did short writing excerpts with character headshots. (Does anyone remember Elf Only Inn? Oh no, I'm still old.)

I didn't even know what to call it, I referred to it as a "webcomic thing". I've since learned that it was basically a serial, supplemented with some author art. The art got increasingly more complex to where I would design a one panel setting to complement the writing. Then, after 3 years of doing this, I stopped, because after all the social media (I joined mainly to promote the thing) and videos and the rest I had, like, 5 readers. But I kept kind of attached to webcomic groups and chats, even though I wasn't doing a webcomic.

(Like, wasn't doing and never had been doing.)

A year later, in 2015, I relaunched the whole project as an ACTUAL 4-panel webcomic with new character designs. I think it's around then that StArt Faire and CTP were brought to my attention by Angelic Emypress. Maybe it was the following year.

That's when I really hooked more into the community and made it a point to have CTP in my calendar. I then stopped doing my own webcomic in 2018 because, despite mirroring on Tapas and trying to do guest posts and continue to promote... I still only had, like, 6 readers. Also my daughter was born. So I didn't have as much free time to devote to something no one else was really into. I did manage to keep up with CTP until it went asynchronous, but I've been kind of a ghost since. So hello to people who wonder why I'm a Hibiscus Teacup when I'm almost never around these days.

TL;DR: I got involved in webcomics because I wanted to be doing one but didn't know how (and still don't have the art skills for it), but like to try to encourage other people. Because I know what it's like when less than a dozen people are aware your comic exists.

SET 3.

1. More should read because honestly seeing this stuff digitally is how this is all going these days... actual paper comics are becoming terribly overpriced. And this way you can pay what you're able (even if that's zero) to people who are just as amazing and creative. I'll also echo Rebel in that there's lots of variety out there.

2. The webcomic community... honestly, it's a lot like the serial community in terms of boosting each other up and offering moral support, which is great and necessary. Not just in the writing but in general. And without it, I would never have had any artwork of my characters that I didn't specifically commission. Whether it was a trade initiative or in one weird case a random post to me, these were people taking the time to let me see my vision in a new way. I always posted and credited that stuff. It meant a lot.

I'll do the last couple sets this weekend, hopefully. Nice to see everyone else's thoughts up there. ^^

carcarchu

@mathtans i don't think i can agree with this point. sadly there have been plenty of webcomics i loved but when the sites imploded (smackjeeves) or they stopped paying for their website host they were lost to time forever. also a lot of artists just straight up purge their work from the internet forever from embarrassment

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

^ Me with the first several versions of my comic

mathtans

Carcarchu: That's a good point I hadn't considered. Guess I've been fortunate in that most of the ones I follow just go on indefinite hiatus at worst.

Hope the site with the CTP archives doesn't get bought out and shut down or something.

Comic Tea Party

Question Set 5 of 5 1. How can people reach you after this? 2. Final parting words?

carcarchu

1. You can usually catch me on twitter! https://twitter.com/kurumadraws 2. This is not farewell, just good-bye for now hope to see most of you again soon!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

1. I’m always on Twitter! http://www.twitter.com/Phantomarine_ 2. Thank you so much for giving us this server. This has been such a fun place to make new friends and discuss comics. The book club for Phantomarine was one of my favorite things ever - I had an absolute blast. Thank you again for your hard work, and see you all around!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

1. I'm at twitter and other discord servers you can see me lurking in https://twitter.com/tuyetnhip

2. Thanks for everything for the server! I hope to see the rest of you somewhere near or far on internet land

mariah (rainy day dreams)

1. You can find me on Twitter and various other discords (including my own that just opened up last week!) https://twitter.com/RainyDayMariah https://discord.gg/6S6Zsw 2. I'm very sad to be saying goodbye for now, even though I know I'll still see most of you in various corners of the internet going forward. This discord had a really special energy that I'm going to miss a lot. Just saying thank you doesn't feel like enough, but truly, thank you so much for the time we've spent together. See you in cyberspace

Miranda (Into the Swell)

1. I'm on Twitter mostly https://twitter.com/MirandaDrawss 2. Thanks for providing this awesome server! I've gotten to know so many people and had my eyes opened so much more to the world of webcomics. Thanks for inspiring me! So long, farewell, until we meet again

Nutty (Court of Roses)

1. I too am on twitter! https://twitter.com/nintendonut1 The comic also has its own discord server! https://discord.gg/Rmwe9Hv 2. Thank you so much for bringing this kind community together. Here's to us creators, wherever he head to next!

Feather J. Fern

You can find me on Twitter! https://twitter.com/FeatheryFern Thank you so much for making CTP and thank you everyone for making up the community! I hope to see you all in other communities and servers and I made so many friends here!

BadSprite

1. Hi you can find me on twitter!! https://twitter.com/BadSprite 2. I know we'll probably see each other again. But I want to thank you all for doing what you love, it's really inspiring to see so many people from so many background creating their own unique stories. So much so it got me to start making mine! Thank you for being amazing people and I hope to see you guys again soon!

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

1. I am on twitter and Instagram https://twitter.com/heidiholmeaa Instagram @heidiholmeaa 2. Thank you so much for all the hard work put into this server! I know I have not been the most active on here, but thanks for good comics to read, a good network and fun convos. I hope many of us will keep seeing each other on other servers and let us all prosper and succeed!

varethane

I, too, am primarily on twitter! https://twitter.com/varethane And on instagram as varethane1, though I don't post there very often. Thank you for running a super cool server!! I was always impressed at the depth and thoroughness of the Comic of the Week questions

eliushi [Keyspace]

It’s been a great time and I look forward to new adventures with all of you! I live in the following internet spaces: https://instagram.com/eliushi.draws?igshid=1wz4f1o191fe1 https://twitter.com/eliushi https://eliushi.weebly.com/about.html

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Set 3 1. Why do you think more people should read webcomics? I basically already said this, but webcomics offer a diverse reading experience. 2. What do you like the most about the webcomic community? Readers can actually interact with creators! It's so cool to see the barrier between readers and creators dissipate most of the time. Set 4 1. How do you think webcomics will have changed 10 years from now? What about 20? The biggest change I think we'll be seeing within the decade is that more and more comics will be put behind a paywall like Lezhin or Tapas. In 20 years? I think the internet will be pretty different then. Perhaps there will be more censorship? 2. In the long-term, how will have webcomics changed the world? I think the most immediate thing is that webcomics open the world up to discussing more topics. As webcomics enter the mainstream, discussing these things in a public setting will become more normalized.

As for where you can find me, you can find me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/CronajArt Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cronaj_art/ ArtStation: https://www.artstation.com/cronaj My webcomic server: https://discord.gg/ueWBfdp Or in a lot of other servers!

Deo101 [Millennium]

where can you find me? on twitter, mostly ^^ I think most of us are already mutuals there, but just in case it'd be nice to touch base https://twitter.com/deo_101 and I'm also on my comics discord server lots! https://discord.com/invite/jxcdKma Final parting words... this is hard. but, this has been a really wonderful community and it's been incredible to get to know you all and to learn from eachother how we have. it's truly been a blessing and I'm so grateful to rebel for this opportunity to share not only my work, but also myself with so many people! I hope that this isn't actually goodbye for us, and is just a "see you around!" As we all move forward, hopefully, side by side.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Here's my twitter!

https://twitter.com/ActuallyOctopi

Here's my comic!

https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/puppeteer/list?title_no=290620

I hope I can continue to talk to you all in a different place.

kayotics

you can also mostly find me on twitter! https://twitter.com/kayartics

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

you can find me on twitter, instagram, or pillowfort! https://twitter.com/shadowhooddraws https://www.instagram.com/shadowhooddraws/ https://www.pillowfort.social/shadowhood

mathtans

SET 4.1: 10 years from now... I'm so bad at predictions. I can't even think properly about how different they were 10 years ago, though I suppose they are more mainstream. Perhaps there will be easier ways to archive or paper print a whole set. Hopefully also more representation from minority groups, and less concern with RL problems causing schedule hiccups. Which I guess just goes double for 20 years.

Though maybe there will be more animated webcomics, or holographic ones by then, or something.

SET 4.2: Long-term, hopefully it helps people feel more confident even if they're not the most amazing artist or anything. Also as was said by Miranda, bringing people together in terms of common ground.

SET 5.1: Reach me? I'm pretty much 'mathtans' everywhere (except on Facebook, where I'm mathstans because someone else got it there first). For social media, probably twitter's the best bet, as many others have led with. https://twitter.com/mathtans

I also have [email protected] (does anyone here remember OS-tans? ... Anyway)

SET 5.2: Parting words? Thank you. I really just stumbled my way in here, a writer who doesn't know much beyond the basics of art, and have tried to do my best to offer accolades and constructive criticism. Rebel, you have done an amazing job, don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. There was a time when I would sometimes look at the archive of a chat just to see what the pull quote was at the top. To those who actually spent some time reading my comic, thank you too... some of the nonsense is forever immortalized in Feb 2018. https://mathtans.blogspot.com/2018/02/s9332-faire-game.html

And best of luck to everyone out there, whether you've been at this for a while like me (probably showing better results, serious) or whether you've just started out. I can only hope I've made something of a difference out there. Until the next time.

Tantz Aerine (Without Moonlight)

Oh Lord I am so behind all this, with my RL tackling me to the ground... but I'll quickly answer these too, pardon my complete lack of timing. SET 1 1. Phantomarine is the one comic I loved because I was so late to the party (pun not completely intended ) 2. Phantomarine. Gosh I feel like I missed so much of this community. SET 2 1. It's the sheer freedom to create. 2. I started making comics for my students to teach them English. Then one thing led to another... SET3 1. More people should read webcomics because they are where the hub of creation in visual arts is. Experimentation, pluralism, excitement, passion. Everything is there. People will and do benefit as well as get entertained. 2. The sheer inclusivity, diversity, and curiosity that fuels creation. Friendliness, too, when people get to know you. SET 4 1. For better or worse, webcomics are becoming responsive to the means through which they are being experienced. We will always have standard formats but new will emerge that take advantage of new technologies as they come. Vertical format is one such example. In 20 years, webcomics would have become an industry, very much like print comics did, I'd say. 2. Webcomics change the world the same way art generally does: by reflecting society back to itself, and exploring ideas. SET 5 1. You can totally find me on twitter https://twitter.com/TantzAerine and if you will be so awesome as to want to read my historical webcomic Without Moonlight, you can find it here http://www.withoutmoonlightwebcomic.com/ . I definitely hope to see you. 2. I have been of the newest members of the community and I feel like I missed a whole world of richness. Still, I am thankful for what I got, and for the care and passion of everyone who kept the Comic Tea Party going for as long as it did. Thank you, and all the best.

#ctparchive

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habibialkaysani · 5 years

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okay so. a lot has been going on lately and I haven't had much time to be on here or time in general. now that the week is over tho things are starting to die down hopefully. and like I do with work emails I'm gonna just write a list, of all the things that have been going on, because I feel like my brain is about to explode otherwise.

lots of rambling, potentially triggering stuff under the cut:

1) pain. so much pain. I thought I'd moved past this endo thing, or at least that the pain was contained because of the meds the gyno gave me plus the progesterone that was definitely easing the pain for a bit during the month. but the ones my gyno gave me, they can only be taken during my period and mine isn't starting. so I've been in agony, like in so much pain, and the only relief has been a hot water bottle and codeine. and I don't want to take more days off when I've already taken sick days this year - which is not like me, at all. but potentially that might not be an issue for a while if I end up having to work from home. and in terms of addressing the root cause of the problem, that's unlikely, because the mri I had of my pelvis came back normal. no indications of endometriosis which I expected because this shit doesn't show on ultrasounds or mris. I do think there might be a chance it shows on a transvaginal ultrasound but they outright refuse to do that which really fucking pisses me off bc it's on the basis of me never being laid before which as I've mentioned is ridiculous.

2) speaking of. this motherfucking coronavirus is doing my head in. seriously i had to order hand sanitiser for the office and it still hasn't arrived. I did manage to get a few masks but god those were expensive. and just generally it's all anyone will talk about at work which is driving me nuts. and what makes it worse is that I'm going out of my mind thinking about speedy and if she gets it, because she's got a heart condition and her immune system isn't very strong even for regular flu. this shit will hit her hard and I'm terrified of that esp after hearing boris fucking johnson saying in his speech that people are going to lose loved ones. I don't know what I'll do if I lose her. actually I have an idea and it would not be good. I spoke to my brother who is a healthcare professional and he said that it's best to get in touch with the cardiology team that look after speedy to see if we can do anything preventative or get her tested.

3) in better news, my brother just announced to our family that he's getting married. already its causing arguments and his fiancee comes from a more well off family (the bar is low tho admittedly) so we're all gonna be scrambling to get our tiny house somewhat in shape for when my bro's future in laws visit in a couple weeks. but it's still good news I think because my bro is smitten and that's just nice to see. his fiancee makes him happy and that's something I'm really glad he found. they want a small wedding too so hopefully we'll have like 200 guests max, which would be sacrilege in any desi household lol.

4) I've been looking for a new job for a while now. things at work have been tough, ever since my old manager gave in her notice. I don't mind my current manager all that much, but she's in hr, and she's clearly never managed anyone before because she is nowhere near as good a support system as my old manager. I could go to my old manager and complain about something and she'd listen, and she actively made an effort to monitor my workload. this new one, she just doesn't put the same effort in and she also just doesn't understand the role I'm in either. she seems to think the job I do is easy and straightforward when it is neither, on the basis that she thinks admin is something anyone could do, and she does nothing to try and ease things when my workload gets heavy. plus my managers manager who is also in hr is just really not nice. she enjoys a power trip way too much. that and the fat cats that are our clients - well suffice it to say I think my time here is up. so I've been looking and I found a nonprofit that was hiring. I did my first interview with them and it went surprisingly well. and now I've got my second one next friday. I really hope that goes well too and that I get the job, just so I can see the look on my managers managers face when I give in my notice 😂 and this new job if I get it would be five fewer hours and I think that could do wonders for my wellbeing. and my sanity.

5) writing. I've done none of it. it's a problem. I don't know what to do to make my mojo come back because I write the best when I'm alone, and I'm never on my own nowadays unless I'm in bed in pain, in which case writing is the last thing I feel like doing. but I also really want to write. so badly. I feel like I'm emotionally more stable when I'm writing. I'm happier. and I just do not have that right now which is not fun.

6) reading - now this is something I have done. my dear friend reen recommended a series of books called reluctant royals, by alyssa cole, and omg. they are so good. I powered through three big novels and two novellas. like I devoured them. and I'm being reminded of how much I love books. good ones. they made me laugh a lot and I'm really glad my friend recommended them.

7) speaking of devouring. a few weeks ago I found on several occasions that people were offering their seats to me on public transport, presumably because they thought I was pregnant. it was this combined with my doctor admitting my bmi wasn't normal (tho only when I asked if this might be causing the pain) that made me realise that I needed to lose weight drastically, and to eat better and walk more. so I've been eating more veggies and salad. trying to put more greens on my plate. not have fast food as often. in all honesty I'm not sure how much of a difference its actually made, but I do know that I feel a little better having done so over the last few weeks. my brother also said I looked like I had lost weight. I've also noticed it a little in my tummy going in a bit too. but I also know that this is a rabbit hole I don't want to go down too far. I worry I might have already with the weighing which I've been doing far too often now that there's scales at work (for weighing big packages). I don't want this to spiral out of control. but I think I've done okay so far, minus the weighing thing - I've always eaten when I've felt hungry so it's not like I'm starving myself. and so far I've only lost about 3kg. which I feel is significant but also nowhere near enough when it comes to the nhs bmi calculator.

8) my little brother has been acting up for months now, and tbh it's starting to give me anxiety. my mother found weed in his room and he's just been rebelling in what I see as normal teenage ways like smoking and staying out late, but it's also affecting his school and I'm worried he won't leave with decent a levels bc he already failed once. and his school keeps emailing my dad about him supposedly being absent, and my dad's response to this for about two months now has been to post a screenshot of each email into the family group chat and demand where my bro has been. it doesn't help. and I don't need to be notified every time he skips school or whatever like that is not my fucking problem to have to see when I'm at work and have enough stresses as it is. my dad is an idiot and honestly some days I would dearly love to punch the man in the face.

9) I start my group therapy in a couple weeks. it’s for generalised anxiety and I am really, really hoping it will help me because the other group therapy I’ve done previously, like a couple months back, has proven to be really helpful. here’s hoping.

10) if anyone is still reading this far - I realise this sounds a lot like I'm feeling sorry for myself. maybe I am to some degree. but my life is just a lot right now and I'm genuinely a bit shocked I'm still in one piece and that I haven't had a nervous breakdown yet. everything is a lot and I feel like I'm going through a lot of change. that's hard. but I'm trying my best to get through this and I hope somehow I can. I actually left tumblr for a bit because for various reasons I didn’t feel as safe talking about my problems on here, through no fault but my own really. I’m hoping I’ve moved past that now.

#me.txt #personal #body image cw #ed tw #work tag #desi tag #uterus tag #long post for ts #tmi

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96xie · 5 years

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2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

#phew #old mutuals im on twtr! keep in contact with me there!

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canaryatlaw · 7 years

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well....today was overall alright I guess, for a Monday. period days just aren’t very pleasant overall. but today was alright. I woke up to my alarm at 11 to find this morning’s situation I previously posted about (so. much. blood.), took care of that and hooked up my new period pain reliever device thing called Livia. It was on kickstarter months ago, and came a few weeks ago, so I stopped taking bc and here we are. it’s a little square thing that connects to a wire which splits in two and has an electrode attached to a gel pad on each end. you put the electrodes on your stomach (or wherever you’re having cramps) and turn it on, and increase the level until you feel a tingly feeling going on. it operates off the theory of something called TENS, basically with electric nerve stimulation or something like that (I’m a law person, not a science person). But as far as keeping cramps away it’s doing pretty good, I used it for most of the day and was good, so that was good. But yeah, I got ready, had instant mashed potatoes for breakfast because I was out of cereal and didn’t have any other substitutes, then took the bus to the train to the other train because it was in the single digits outside today (brrr). made it to school and stopped in the PAD office briefly to dump my stuff and spend a few minutes on my laptop typing up case briefs for the cases I read on Saturday (when I didn’t have my laptop with me so I hadn’t written briefs for them) because I knew, I just knew I was going to get called on, I can always tell, so I wanted to be prepared. somewhere in between all of this I checked my email and discovered a request for a second interview with the organization I interviewed with back in December and is currently my first choice job option, so I was fairly ecstatic about that. they wanted it to be in person, not over Skype, so I ended up scheduling it for the Friday directly preceding spring break, I’ll fly to NY on Thursday (skipping my Thursday night class) and do it the next day, so I was happy about all of this. I booked flights as well so that’s good to go. I made it all the way to the end of the period, even when he kept coming up with absent people and then had to pick someone else for a chain of like 5 people, and then on the last case of the day I get called on, which was fine because I was prepared, and we only had a few minutes left so I didn’t get any too difficult questions. Went back to the PAD office after that and started working on my Remedies reading for this evening. The reading assignments have always been super long (this week’s was 85 pages) but last week he basically said you don’t have to do all of it, just at least skim the cases, so instead of actually reading I read the case briefs of them off lexis and copied those into my notes, so that worked. Then I worked on the rest of my civil rights assigned reading for Wednesday so I could leave the book at school and not have to lug it back and forth again. I was really craving like, cake or something, but didn’t want to go anywhere outside because it was snowing again and still freezing, so I didn’t do anything until guy who hangs out in the office who has been growing on me came, and I mentioned it, at which point he offered to go grab it for me like I hoped he would and I said I’d buy his coffee, so I ordered the two things from the starbucks app (I got the iced lemon pound cake) and he ran down (the starbucks is across the street) and returned a minute later with them, so I was pleased with that. Class time rolled around, so I went up to class. Sort of tuned in and out for a while, still taking decent notes and keeping up with the conversation at least. Lots of talk about damages, which is to be expected being that it’s a class based on Remedies, and damages make up a huge portion of remedies for cases. So just stuff like consequential damages and liquidated damages and when they can be counted as a penalty that won’t be enforced by the court for being against public policy, and fun stuff like that. He let us out around 7:30, an hour early, because he knew some of us have long commutes (I didn’t raise my hand when he asked; mine takes about an hour but I know those who live outside the city have much longer ones) and he wanted to make sure we all got home okay with the snow, which was of course greatly appreciated. So I took the red line to the brown line, but then when I went to check when the next bus was coming to the brown line stop the next bus was 30 minutes out (they’re only ever supposed to be 20 minutes apart) and I was like oh fuck no, I’m not waiting for half a fucking hour when the remaining distance is relatively small (though would not be a pleasant walk, especially in current conditions, a bit too far for that). So I sucked it up and got an uber for the last mile or two, which got me home at a decent time at least. Got home and got some food, then turned on tonight’s episode of Supergirl, which I thought was super interesting. I loved their whole plot with Julia/Purity and that climax scene when Alex basically talks her down and gets her to fight it off, and suddenly this innocent person is back, and offers herself to save Alex (which, while very noble, sadly played right into Reign’s plan). I then loved Kara’s line at the end about saving them instead of defeating them, because I sooooo badly want that to be the solution to this season and not end up with a dead Sam and abandoned Ruby, so I really hope that’s the path they go down. but yeah, I enjoyed the episode, which is always good. after that I wound up calling my dad, which lead to a somewhat tense discussion over job options, where he was telling me he has connections with the people conducting the interviews at the DA’s office, and I told him I’d really prefer to get a job that I got on my own merit, not his, not like how my brother did, and he wasn’t happy to hear that because he was like “what have I been working my whole life for then?” and like, my dad has made a great reputation for himself. but when people see my last name I want them to think of the things I’ve done to give it meaning, not the things my dad or brother had done. If it works out like that I will take a job in the DA’s office, but I’d much prefer a position that I knew I got on my own merit, not who my father is. because I’m well-qualified, dammit, I worked my ass off to get in the top 15% of my class, working 16 hours a week in addition to being a full time student for a full year to gain the experience and training I needed to excel in the area I want to go into. I want to get offered a job because it’s something I earned, not because I was born into the right family and can get a job through nepotism. There’s a reason I decided to go to law school halfway across the country, where nobody knows my last name, and I have a blank slate where I can make a name for myself. of course, job options in Chi are not looking great right now. I emailed my former prof about a position in the PD’s office in the juvenile division, but I’d have to apply to the general office and then wait to get transferred to the juvenile division once I’d gained enough seniority (it’s relatively low on the rotation, maybe the second or third stop after things like traffic court and DV court) to get to the juvenile division. but of course that also risks the chance that I’d be assigned to the child protection division, where I would have to defend the parents in abuse and neglect proceedings, something I never intend on doing. Like, honestly, I would have no problem defending in criminal cases. I would have no problem defending someone who was guilty of murder. But I will never defend an abusive parent, because the parent’s lawyers are the only players in that system who have an objective that differs from the best interest of the child, and I never ever want to be in a position where it’s my job to argue something that is not in the best interest of a child because it’s what my client wants. So yeah, give me murderers or death row cases, I’ll happily do that defense work (my dad is a criminal defense lawyer primarily after all, so it’s not like I haven’t had plenty of exposure to it), but don’t ask me to defend an abusive parent to the detriment of their child. that I will never do. but anyway. We talked it out a bit and eventually hung up, at which point I decided to start watching Game of Thrones, which I was told to watch as much as I can this week because apparently we’re going to a GoT themed con on Saturday. I tried to get HBO Go to work through my roommate’s apple tv, but the thing is so old it doesn’t function very well and kept stalling on me to the point where it wouldn’t even play the episode i just said fuck it and paid the two bucks to get the episode off Amazon prime video. I’ve been reading Daenery’s page on the game of thrones wiki so I had some idea of what happened with her, but everything else was fairly confusing, though I think I had a pretty good grasp of what happened. Definitely not used to the nudity and the gore (so many beheadings, ick) but hopefully I’ll get better with that. I didn’t realize Sansa was so young at the beginning of the series, I definitely thought she was older. They all looked pretty damn young, and the adorable small child I was informed is named Bran Stark did a great job of being very cute. Daenery’s storyline was of course hardcore cringeworthy, getting married against her will (even if it is to Jason Momoa) after dealing with her gross asshole of a brother, and then getting legit raped on her wedding night was just pretty damn horrifying to watch. I like her character a lot though, so I’m looking forward to seeing how that goes. And yeah, when that ended I started getting ready for bed and here we are. I don’t have to do anything tomorrow until PT at 1, but I’m gonna try to get up at 11 and make a target trip beforehand to pick up a prescription and grab some groceries, because if I wait until afterwards I probably won’t have enough time to do my secured transactions reading and be done in time to watch The Flash and Black Lightning, so I’ll try to be somewhat more productive, even while still sleeping in a while. so hopefully that will go well. And yeah, that’s it for now. Goodnight my loves. Hope your Monday didn’t suck.

#daily journal #February 2018

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lambergeier · 7 years

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HECK YES i love this meme: “No,” she says. “I can’t recommend you return to professional play.” Tooru blinks, once, rapidly, a stutter of darkness.

omg okay getting right to the good stuff here aren’t we.

SO: LMAO: obviously this was always going to happen. i kept it ambiguous in thirty years because thirty years ends on a romantic high note, but it was always my intention that that be the end for oikawa, as far as volleyball goes. it actually took some kind of creative medical science in order for that to be the end of his career because like……. okay this is going to be long but what else is this meme for tbh:

i did a sickening amount of research for this shit, and as best i can tell, a) volleyball players don’t really get knee injuries and b) knee injuries hardly ever end careers anymore. in canon, oikawa almost certainly just has a repetitive strain injury, like tennis elbow for lunatics who jump all the time, and did not in any way pop his patella out of socket in high school, like i wrote. dislocation normally happens after you smash it into something (or a car smashes into you), or, like with acl tears, when you’re playing a sport that requires a lot of sudden changes in direction. so tennis or skiing, mostly. volleyball players fuck up their ankles, not their knees. but someone already CANONICALLY has KNEE INJURY, so i was kinda stuck. i left his bad landing in thirty years as ambiguous as i could and hoped no one would call me out tbh, bc there’s no fucking way landing from a long jump could do what i needed it to do.

because my OTHER problem was that, like, you have to fuck yourself up GOOD to end a sports career these days. ACL tears are (relatively) easily repaired, meniscal tears are easily repaired, orthopedic surgeons are just really good at what they do, as it turns out. i kept googling “acl repair fail how” “acl not healing” etc., and every site i looked at, they were all pretty cheerily like “do your PT and you’ll be fine! it’s not the fucking 80s anymore!” terrible. so i had to make him land OUTRAGEOUSLY bad, plus have a dislocation already on his record (including the cartilage damage that comes with that) to really put him out of commission. which was of course necessary, because i love oikawa, but if he actually got what he wanted from life, would i really even love him at all.

also, side note: this reddit thread was hilariously helpful in learning what an acl tear actually feels like

so yeah, jumping through hoops to make his career end. if this had been a longer fic, and i more of a slut for angst, i may have included something me and nords discussed a few times, which was the possibility that he had actually dislocated his patella multiple times during high school (scraping off a bit of cartilage each time) and just never told one after the first, because after the first, it’s totally possible to just pop it back in yourself. the ultimate goal would have been oikawa forcing himself to a) acknowledge his younger self’s mistakes and b) forgive his younger self for them (bc what else can you do tbh), but honestly i couldn’t come up with enough actual plot action carry all that, or, alternatively, i wanted to write something under 15k, so that didn’t happen. i still kinda consider it canon to the fic, if only to help explain, again, how one jump ended his career.

otherwise, let’s see. like i said in the author’s note, this was originally conceived as just a h/c porn coda. oikawa’s in a lot of pain post-surgery, iwaizumi gently pats his forehead, and then (carefully) rides his boyfriend into the sunset. this survived as the second scene ofc, but then norway started talking about fucked-up dream sequences and there was a whole entire conversation that i never wrote into thirty years about oikawa’s post-retirement career plans, and things just Spiraled from there. because, as previously mentioned, oikawa is most interesting to me as an extremely successful and driven character who just doesn’t get what he wants.

anyways, to conclude, the most important knowledge i can impart about this fic verse is that although oikawa does take that commentator job, and does turn it into a permanent position with NHK, he does not stop there.

no, he jumps to the financial side of the media industry, and becomes an acquisitions and mergers specialist so feared that salarymen refuse to speak his name lest he hear them and buy them out, for pennies on the dollar. he turns himself on every day. and he totally gets that sick old man cane. poor iwaizumi.

#not-wisely #thirty years and change #dvd commentary #and the other one is on its way but my laptop is the apartment black sails machine for reasons of i know how to torrent things #so i must cede it for the time being #we have gay pirates to watch

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meanderfall · 7 years

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//tornadoes thru ur window, completely shattering the glass: for the writer meme, 5 - 6 - 8 - 10 - 15 - 21 - 25 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 34 - 36 - 39 - 45 - 47 - 48 - 49 - aaaand 50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you're like, "okay, i'll write you down u little fucker"? ALSO IM AWARE THIS IS A LOT, LMAOOO

LDJF;KFGSKGF ADRI MY LOVE, MY WIFE, MY KNIGHT, MY SUN AND MOON, THANK YOU OMG, I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A NOVEL OF AN ANSWER LMAO

5. How much writing do you get done on an average day?

LMAO I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CALCULATED PER HOUR just bc that’s how long my train ride is. So I can do about 400-500 words in 50~ minutes.anyway tbh, I write almost never, but when I do, I try to get around 1000 words done??? that’s usually when i lose steam too. (though i guess if i did 500 word spurts instead throughout the day, i’d get more done) (TO CLARIFY, the only reason it’s so much is bc i only write when I know /exactly/ what the scene is gonna be and im motivated. if u sat my ass down in front of a computer each day and told me to write, I’d probably only get 100 in two hours, less even.)

6. Single or multiple POV?

I’m a multiple pov hoe. I’ve thought before of writing something in entirely one pov, but tbh i dont think i could do it if the thing is longer that a 2000 word one shot.

8. Oldest WIP

I HAD TO PULL OUT MY USB FOR THIS GODDAMN

Okay so, my oldest wip ever, is an original story I started in, I think, 2011 and wrote throughout the year. It’s got about 22k words down, but tbh i dont think im ever gonna touch it again.fanfic-wise, my oldest wip is a harvest moon fanfic, that’s around 6k words i think? and i was planning on re-writing it bc i didnt like the characterization of one of the characters and i wanted to fix that, but it’s been like five years now, i dont think it’s ever gonna be done. (I still want to though). (and u can find said wip on my fanfiction.net account)

10. Do you set yourself deadlines?

My guy, i’ve never set a deadline for myself in my entire life. I think I tried to do it once, and i completely let it pass by. (Though the fanfic i mentioned previously, im pretty sure i updated once a week before i fucked up)

15. How do you deal with writer’s block?

I either set it aside (and never pick it up again lmao) and let it stew in the back of my mind until I get something else, oR I POWER THROUGH THIS MOTHERFUCKER, and I’ll probably only write 50 words and hate every single last one of them, but I got it done and it’s better than nothing and hopefully tomorrow i’ll actually have something. (also, sometimes when powering through, what i write ends up inspiring me and im like “oh of course!” and i blaze through it)

21. Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?in case u havent noticed yet, about 99% of all my characters are snarky to some degree. I need a character with a wry sense of humour, and I’ll usually stay in their pov a lot. The only other character “type” I have are the sunshine pure cinnamon rolls who care and love everyone. Oh, and I guess also the ones who are pissed and bitter at the world at large. (I should.... probably... try to get out of this comfort zone...)

25. Favourite part of writing

okay tbh, my favourite part is when I’m winding down from a good writing session, and I just feel so proud and alive, because I was productive and I created something with my own two hands and mind, and there are very few things that are as incredible as that imo

27. Favourite line/scene

okay so this was hard to pick??? not to mention it’s all crap you’ve seen before but whatever.

There’s this one:

“McCreewas abruptly reminded of when he was nothing more than a teen, snarling andfurious at everyone around him, not willing to trust anyone. And he wasreminded of Gabriel Reyes who stayed calm and collected in front of his fury,gently rebuking him when he crossed a line; who praised him when he did welland willingly trusted him to have his back even though McCree didn’t trust him;who seemed to quietly understand why McCree acted in certain ways, accepted it,but encouraged him to choose better. Gabriel Reyes, who had faith in him whenhe wasn’t even sure he liked himself.“

And this one:

“IfWash’s head was a ghost town, then the Meta’s was a fucking wasteland.

Butthe worst part wasn’t the scorched earth and completely lifeless landscape, norwas it the stormy brown clouds above. No, the worst part was the lava that wasslowly inching its way up the mountain. It bubbled and simmered an awful sicklyorange as it creeped up bit by bit, not fast at all, but inexorably to the topof the mountain, going against all laws of physics. It was so awfully wrongthat he honestly felt sick witnessing it. Not helping was the sizzles it madeas it burned through whatever little vegetation there was and (he had no ideawhy he knew this, maybe it was because he was connected to the Meta’s brain?),it felt like the lava was actually gouging the earth, opening cracks andseeping inside, corrupting and destroying what lay within.

Wasthe Meta even a person anymore?”

(I proooobably would’ve picked something from the tuckington au but.... a lot of my favourite stuff is dialogue, or snarky narration, and idk it’s hard to choose and there aint a lot of depth to it)

28. Favourite side character

OKAY THERE’S THIS ONE SIDE CHARACTER IN ONE MY ORIGINAL STORY IDEAS WHOM I ADORE (even though he has no name yet lmao) BUT HE’S BASICALLY REALLY SWEET AND CARING AND HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE HAPPY AND SUPPORTIVE FOR ALL HIS COMPANIONS BC THEY’RE ALL GOING THROUGH HARD TIMES, BUT IT’S REALLY HARD FOR HIM AND HE’S INWARDLY SUFFERING SO MUCH BUT HE KEEPS SMILING FOR PEOPLE ANYWAY AND FLDG;DKHGFKG I LOVE HIM

29. Favourite villain

I’m... cheating for this, I’ve never written a villain ever actually (and tbh what the fuck??? how??? i have so many original story ideas and none of them are villains??? what the fuck (maybe the true villains were the friends we made along the way))

okay so, originally, this character was gonna be the villain alright. She was mean, cruel, snarky, cunning, and manipulative. But as time went on, and I started exploring her character, wondering why she was like this, what her goal is, and I changed and shifted the plot of the story around she... sort of... became the main character. woops.

30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

IM ONLY GONNA USE ORIGINAL STORIES FOR THIS BC HOLY SHIT

Honestly, I’d probably have to go with this idea I had of a living person picking up the scythe of a Grim Reaper and becoming one and having to learn the ropes of the job.

Okay, I lied, it might actually be this detective series idea I had, wherein the main character, a police officer, has to investigate cases that, for the most part, are reminiscent, or re-imagined versions, of Quebec folk tales, and she has to figure out why the fuck this is happening.

34. What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

FIGHTING AND ACTION SCENES I HATE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOD THEY TAKE FOREVER AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING THEM UP HORRIBLY I HATE THEM (I could give u a specific example, but i dont want to)

36. Last sentence you wrote

“Shut up.”

(this is actually how chapter 2 of my tuckington high school au ends lmao and there’s nothing to gain from it have fun adri)

39. Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

OH SHIT I ACTUALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, okay so the i have no clue where the idea came from, but for some reason i had this idea of a character who’s mental stability or whatever was linked to these bracelets she wore??? but it was more like she became more primal and animalistic the more bracelets were taken off until she lost all sense of identity, and i think it’s because she was being controlled or used by an organization or whatever. This was just a random idea that I had and okay i know it’s dark af, but it’s honestly the weirdest one. (tbh…. im not sure i have one that could be considered weird…)

45. How much world building do you do?

all of it. just. all of it. I need to know clothes, food, architecture, cultural norms, the history of the world, how the fuck people can communicate when there are multiple countries and multiple languages, and this is why absolutely none of my original stuff has ever been written

47. Best way to procrastinate

Day-dreaming scenes and ideas instead of writing them

48. What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

W O W ADRI U WANNA CALL ME OUT THAT BADLY HUH?

honestly it’s probably that main character/villain i mentioned previously, bc i just gave her all of my self-loathing and she was supposed to sacrifice herself heroically in the end and there was gonna be an entire speech about why she was the right person to do this. (if it makes u feel any better, I’ve modified it so she doesn’t actually die and everyone is like “wtf? NO!”)

also the protagonist in story, i just gave her my depression and general lostness in life. (most... of my characters... start off with a part of me I want to explore, but over time, as I flesh them out, they become their own people, and actually have nothing to do with me anymore tbh)

49. Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

THAT SWEET CINNAMON ROLL I MENTIONED BEFORE OMG YES, I WOULD PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE

50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you’re like, “okay, i’ll write you down u little fucker”?

*LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY* OH MAN ADRI U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE JUST ASKED DO U OMG WAIT UNTIL U HEAR THIS

okay so u know that story with the cinnamon roll and main character/villain? The basic plot of that story has been in my brain since around 2011. I still haven’t started to write it. (though, to be fair, that story has changed so goddamn much since 2012 holy shit, and for the better tbh)

tbh adri, ur like 80% of my impulse control, and by that I mean you make me impulsive enough to actually write things instead of letting them ruminate in my brain forevermore. Hell, I’ve only started to get back into writing fanfiction because of you, okay, if u weren’t around I’d probably just give up on writing ever, and let the idea of being a novelist be nothing more but a fantasy i daydream about.

#aroacedrienne #about

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speaknowslut13 · 3 years

Note

Lauren my beloved! Sorry I missed yesterday, my life is chaos and also I was out of data haha.

Ohh very fun! I feel like kids that age are fun because their personalities are really starting to develop.

Awesome! I’ve also played flute since 5th grade and then I played piccolo in marching band all through college. I miss playing in groups, and I’m really hoping that’ll be possible again soon! You are to drums as I am to singing lmfao I was almost kicked out of choir in high school bc I canNOT carry a tune. What other instruments do you want to learn?

I love channels like that! That and cooking channels are the majority of my subscribed to haha so if you ever decide to start a YouTube, I will certainly be on your subscribers list. Understandable, Tiktok stresses me outtttt lol I go on from time to time bc my sister always sends me a bunch but then I have to delete the app again.

Awwwwwe oh my gosh, that’s so cute!! 🥺🥺 what was your wedding like? (Though I never plan on getting married myself, I loveeeeee weddings hehe) what kind of stuff do you like to do together?

Omggg what an incredible experience for rep tour! Tumblr during rep tour was one of my favorite times ever on tumblr, like so exciting to get clips of the b stage songs and see peoples posts about meeting her! What other concerts have you been too?

I’m hoping to visit Croatia at the end of august, if everything goes according to plan/covid doesn’t once again wreck my plans. I grew up in the northwestern US, and there people joke that the seasons are “fire season, road construction, winter” and winters are regularly so much snow, windy, and -20°, so not ideal conditions for enjoying them. Have you been to Grand Canyon or any of the other national parks in the southwest? They all look so beautiful, that’s one part of the US I would definitely like to see more of.

Thank you!! I’m really excited to be a student again but I am also really glad I took some time off. I enjoy Dostoevsky! Probably not my all time favorite, but my best friend loves him so I’ve read a lot of his stuff and talk about it a lot. Also a big fan of Byron and I have a love/hate relationship with Shakespeare. My favorite poet is ee cummings, I love Cynthia Kadohata, huge Neil Gaiman fan. And many many others haha but off the top of my head let’s go with that 😅

What do you write about? And in what medium? I write a lot of poetry and I like writing non fiction, but I learned in college that I am NOT a fiction writer hahaha.

What have you been up to this weekend?? I hope you’ve had a lovely day 💖 Drew

ps: I love reading your responses! Please don’t feel bad or stressed about writing a lot ✨✨

Hello, Drew! Chaos feels like the natural order of the world lately. It’s fine if you miss a day or two! I understand.

I actually never really wanted to be married myself. I figured if I did, I’d be at least 30. I wanted to get school done first. Then, after my previous relationship, I decided I wanted to be alone. Fate had different plans. I also wasn’t sure I wanted kids. Changed my mind. However one is plenty. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone invalidates a person’s choices by saying “oh you’ll change your mind”. So even though I changed mine, I won’t be implying or outright denying that you don’t know your own mind.

My wedding was small. We eloped. It was a complicated situation with his family at the time, and we had decided to have the protection of a legal document since we were living together anyway. We picked randomly picked the day. Turned out to be Valentine’s Day. So, I, along with millions of other people, got married at a court house. In fact, someone was wearing my same dress that day! It was awkward. We have yet to have any celebration outside of that day. It was just my immediate family. However, I’ve never regretted marrying him and I still look back fondly on it. Fun fact: his parents found out we were married after we totaled their truck a few months later. Not so fun fact: that was the scariest accident I’ve been in to date. Accident wasn’t our fault and at least in this accident I had airbags. Ever been in an accident? Or in one without modern crash technology? It’s not very fun. Hurts a lot. I remember having to tell my father in law, on the side of the road, that Chase and I had actually gotten married. He was stunned but super supportive. Like I previously said, it was complicated . And I can get into it more, but there’s so much else to address right now!

We really like sitting in silence on our phones together! 😂 We are one of those annoying couples who like to do everything together. We are practically attached at the hip and the pandemic has only made it worse. He’s really interested in getting into D&D. We like playing video games together. We both love swimming. We both really want to travel. I’d love to take him to Europe. We like movies. But we both compliment our different likes and knowledge. He loves animated movies and animes and I love books. We both love art. He’s so good. He lets me do his makeup and nails from time to time. It doesn’t bother him at all. But not only that he’s really helpful at making sure I get my medicines and that I get rest when I need it. Throughout the lockdown he’d do all the running around so I wouldn’t have to go out since I’m immuno compromised. Sometimes I feel like he’s too good to me and the kid. I try to give back what I can. But honestly, he’s my best friend too.

Ahem. Enough gushing.

Other than some musicals and local symphonies, I’ve never been to any other concerts! Weird. I know! I’ve wanted to but never have. I’ve always wanted to see Imagine Dragons. Or Panic! at the Disco. There’s a few artists actually, I’d love to go see.

Croatia is BEAUTIFUL. My time in Europe was 2 weeks during July. I’m in love with it. If you go, Rijeka is wonderful. But near Rijeka is a mountain town called Fužine. It’s MAGICAL. I spent most of my time there. One of the upsides to staying in Rijeka is that it’s just a few hours away from Venice, too. Which. Was also breathtaking. I cried at the beauty of it. I have pictures of these places and I love looking at them. But they also make me a little sad. For multiple reasons. We had a layover in Munich on our way home and so we spent two days there as well. We drove up to the Neuschwanstein castle. It was amazing. But the most harrowing part of that stop was at the site of Dachau. I will never forget the heaviness of it. I had to stop halfway through. It was too much for my sensitivity. A privilege I will never forget.

I was able to visit Idaho (Rexburg) during October and December one year and I loved it. I’ve only ever been to Washington (coastal) and Oregon during the summer months. I wanted to go to school in Washington, originally. Thought I’d move up there. Now the goal is to ultimately expat. Canada, likely. We will see if that ever pans out, though.

I’ve been to the Grand Canyon once when I was 10 or 11(?). We went during December to ride the “Polar Express”. It’s a special event they run during the winter months before Christmas. We were snowed in so we stayed an extra day and took the train to the Grand Canyon. So I got to see it all snowy and clear. It’s gorgeous and I highly recommend it once. I don’t know if I would ever really go back but I might take the kid someday. I at least want her to go on the Polar Express ride. It’s cute and fun for the kids. I was a little too old to fully enjoy it, but my little sister was roughly the right age.

I’ve been to several places in Arizona. The missions, Jerome, and I’ve also been to some places in Colorado and New Mexico. I can’t recall all their names off the top of my head and it was a long time ago.

I greatly appreciate anyone who can write poetry. It is not my forte. They come out childish and awkward. So, I keep those to myself. I write anything and everything. I have several stories, but three top priority right now. One is complete but needs serious reworking and revision. I started it when I was 15. It’s a paranormal mystery with romance. The second one is a fantasy that I started with a friend when I was 14/15. It has its own world and has taken on a life of its own since then. It’s massive. And the third one is a coming of age story. It’s my most delicate one. I started it when I was 21. I have shared an excerpt on tumblr of this one. It’s my most complicated one yet. Like any artist, I’m constantly second guessing my work and lamenting my talent.

This weekend has been mostly spent recharging. I’ve been helping my mom with a project. And of course swimming. I’m a child at heart and I bought myself a mermaid tail. I’ve elevated my pool game. It’s so much fun but my body is yelling at me. I’m not as energetic as I was in my youth. You mentioned marching band? You and I really do have much in common! Not only are you a flautist, but a marching one at that?! I marched in high for two years. I loved it but I started to get burned out. And then I started horseback riding and planned to do that instead. My parents couldn’t afford to do both. And then I caught mono. Looking back, I understand why my mono knocked me out for so long (it’s linked to my autoimmune issues) but at the time every one of my friends thought I was being dramatic. It was kind of a horrible experience. So even if I had signed up for band my junior year, I would’ve had to quit. And then my senior year I signed up for this program that put me through a college program to get my EMT-B. I didn’t take band at all that year. Now I just play for myself. Ideally I’d learn every instrument.

I actually couldn’t sing very well for the longest time. Which was ironic because my mom was operatically trained. My older sister was also trained. And my little sister preferred chorus to band. I ended up teaching myself later. So now I don’t sound terrible but I’m not going to take my solo act on the road anytime soon.

If I can teach myself makeup, art, instruments, and other various things, then maybe I can also someday be brave enough to put myself out there on the internet. And if I do, I will definitely let you know! I will at least have 3 subscribers. 😂

Tell me about this trip you’re planning to Croatia!

#inthaf anon #themodrenreplies

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anything-advice-blog · 7 years

Text

[TIME SENSITIVE / URGENT] toxic friend

i kno u guys must get like thousands of messages and im so sorry for cluttering ur inbox and pushing this to the front of the line but im just. desperate and really scared and i need to know what 2 do abt this as soon as possible!!! also as a preface i apologize in advance if some of the way i word things in this come off as offensive or incorrect, etc - i truly, genuinely do not mean any harm so please feel free to correct me if i say something that isnt okay!!! also this is REALLY scattered and mega long so bear with me im really sorry! (also im so. so scared the person in question is gonna see this o H MY GOD so i may need to message this blog again asking for this post to be taken down maybe bc im really paranoid im so sorry!! i hope thats ok but i just dont want to risk her seeing this if this all blows up in my face ohrkjdghkjghfdgj!!!) (TW: SUICIDE MENTION, SELF HARM MENTION)

ok so. almost 2 years ago in early 2016 this girl i’d never met before drew me this incredible gift art for my birthday. we started talking and we found out we have a lot of things in common - we both draw and write, we’re just a few months apart from each other in age, we have similar interests and fandoms, n we live less than an hour away from each other and are one state away from one another - so we immediately hit it off n became super close friends. she was amazingly talented n super friendly and nice n stuff so i wanted 2 be friends w her anyways!!!!! @ the time she was in an online relationship with someone several years older than her who lived across the country, and she mentioned a few times she was feeling unhappy and insecure in that relationship and that long distance was really difficult but she was too devoted to her partner to break it off. the most important thing 2 note is that my friend has several severe untreated mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, ocd among others), regularly self harms, and is suicidal. im pretty sure im neurotypical (or at least i definitely am not suicidal / depressed, etc), so while i couldnt relate to a lot of the things she was going through, i always tried to be a listening ear to her and give her advice / support when i could because i knew she was going through a lot of rough stuff. she told me she doesnt have any friends in real life, her parents are separated and her family does not support her or even really know / care about her mental health, and she can’t access any professional help from teachers / counselors / therapists due to her severe anxiety and financial issues for some of the latter options listed. as her relationship with her partner began to crumble, i started bearing a lot of the weight of her struggles - she would vent to me and i would always have to be there for her to support her. i told myself that because she was mentally ill and didnt have any support i would take on that role so she wouldnt have to suffer. over the summer of 2016 she almost attempted suicide like…. twice??? and i talked her out of it and it was terrifying and really exhaustimg to constantly be worried about her.

then almost a year ago, in the winter of 2016, she started getting… clingy? we started talking a lot more and i didnt really get like any bad vibes from her but we were pretty much joined @ the hip and stuff and we started telling each other all of our secrets (so this is when i found out her relationship with her girlfriend was starting to crumble, which i didnt previously know) also she started constantly drawing me stuff??? like Drowning me in gift art and i felt really bad for not being able to reciprocate but she told me not to worry and that she used art as a coping method and stuff. at this time, i was going through some stuff too - obviously not as severe as depression / self harming, etc, but i had just gotten out of an almost-relationship with someone i knew from school, and i was doing my best to distance myself from romance in general since i didnt feel mature or confident enough to be in a romantic relationship yet. i told my friend that i was uncomfortable about the prospect of being in a romantic relationship and she seemed to understand.

anyways right around my birthday this year she revealed to me that she was madly in love with me (???!!?!?!?!?!!?!!?). mind you we had never even talked to each other / video called or ANything like that and we had only sent each other One (1) selfie and. it made me really uncomfortable because she said that like i was her moon and stars and her whole world and everything and she constantly dreamed of me??? and that she had been secretly like writing me love poetry and drawing me Even More Art i didnt even know about and…… it was. really overwhelming. it bothered me for so many reasons besides the fact that we had never communicated outside of like chatting / sending messages back nd forth like…. ok she was still in that long distance relationship at the time even though it was crumbling, and she KNEW!!! that i was uncomfortable about romance but she told me anyways and stuff!!!!!! and AHHH it was just really bad. so i panicked over it for a day or two because i was scared that if i Firmly Said No that she would spiral into a depressive episode and actually fatally harm this time but i wrote her this huge long letter letting her down very, very, VERY gently and apologizing for ever leading her on and stuff. and. she never actually wrote back to that letter or told me that it was okay???? which….. should have been a red flag 2 me but. we moved on as friends even though we did this conscious of the fact that she still loved me like that and i didnt feel the same way. looking back on it i regret it so much because i told her that like i would Always Be There For Her Forever and stuff and??? gfkjhgk yeah it wasnt a good time.

its been almost a year since then. in the spring i got my first smartphone and we added each other on a lot of social media stuff including snapchat and moved all our conversations there, then we decided to call each other and exchange phone numbers and see how that worked. i didnt really think much of it and was excited to hear her voice and have a conversation with her but…….. suddenly that one call turned into two and two turned into three and within a few weeks we were calling each other like All The Time (at least once a week if not more) and like making these really fucking elaborate schedules to call each other????? WHICH LIKE i dont think is a normal thing friends do idk if im wrong but!!!!! i literally call None of my other friends except for her, and a lot of that is bc i actually get really anxious and uncomfortable talking on the phone?? (also not to mention my mom doesnt really like me talking on the phone either….) but i never really told her that it made me uncomf or that it was difficult to mnge like i guess it just kinda.. Happened and became the norm. so now on top of constantly messaging each other multiple times a day now we were calling frequently too and there was suddenly a lot more pressure in our relationship because i had to stress out over making a large amount of time in my day to talk to her. i graduated high school this spring and having to balance the extreme emotional load of that major change with like… suddenly having to fall all over myself to make time to talk to this girl i didnt even really know?? was just really bad and i regret it so much because i feel like i missed out on fully experiencing it i guess. im really really passive and im TERRIFIED of confrontation and i dont like saying no to people or telling them if im uncomfortable because They Will Get Mad At Me and it was especially worse bc of my friend’s mental health and so she and i would talk for hours on end because i was afraid that if i got tired and ended the conversation without a legitimate excuse she would get mad at me and hurt herself. since we could fit way more conversation into like… long long hours of talking and talking, we ended up like. just telling each other literally Everything and she “eventually” fell out of love with me and started trying to meet people who she actually knew irl to date!! which was. kinda good bc she met this one girl and they hit it off but then it turns out she was just….. queerbaiting my friend??? which Sucked so that obviously didnt work out. and then she met another girl on this dating app and they started going out and my friend started talking to me less for a little while. it turns out though……. that my friend’s new girlfriend lives in my town??? like i dont know her but bc of that my friend and i almost met in person bc the two of them met up and went out together and stuff and they were gonna drop by and see me but that didnt work out. im getting off topic here but my point is……… she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore and she started seeing other people.

sadly she and her gf recently broke up. their relationship was also really unhealthy just like…… All Of Her Relationships and that other girl broke up with my friend because she said she needed space (she was depressed too and needed to recover and my friend was being too clingy and attention seeking and stuff so she just ended it in the middle of the night over text.) ofc ive stuck around for all of this and my friend has vented about every tiny detail of this relationship to me and its…. been So Stressful. now that shes single again she’s more depressed than ever - over the summer when she was dating that other girl she stopped self harming but she started again when their relationship started going south and now im really scared she’s gonna hurt herself, esp bc she tried to commit suicide again a few months ago which was terrifying. also another thing thats made me REALLY uncomfortable!!!!!!!! is that she Keeps Bringing Up the fact that she was in love with me whenever we talk on the phone??? like Every Single Time We Talk, Without Fail. even when she was talking abt her new gf with me sh was like. comparing her attraction to her gf to her attraction to Me and talking abt how they were similar and different and. i never had the guts to tell her it bothered me but god it just does So So Much!!!!! because we were never in a real relationship and she doesnt even really know me KDSJFHKHGAHHH im rambling so much this makes no sense at all and this is so long im so sorry ahhhh but im… Stressed!

so….. we’re running up on two years since we’ve met and one year since she told me she loved me. im in college now and she’s still in high school, and she’ll be i college next year too. again, i dont think that im depressed or mentally ill, but ive been struggling a LOT with the adjustment from hs to college and its been really really rough on me emotionally. now that my friend is single she’s been solely relying on me and trying to get me to call her multiple times a week because she needs the extra support now that she doesnt have her girlfriend anymore… but she doesnt seem to understand that i i just dont have enough time or energy to give all of myself to her and fall all over myself to make her feel better, especially when i already feel suffocated by her to begin with AND when im suppposed to be starting this new life and putting all of my focus into that. we’re mutuals on every single social media i have and i feel like im constantly being crushed by guilt whenever i do anything for myself or post stuff bc she can see what im doing constantly. and like she asked me to turn my read receipts on when we started moving from snapchat to texting and i have them turned off regularly so i did and it was really uncomfortable. i keep bending myself over backwards to mke sure im making her happy bc im all she has left.

neither of us have good relationships with our moms and so we’re always sneaking around to call each other and lately ive been calling her at school because obviously my mom isnt there and its less of a hassle to sneak around her and and talk……. but its a double edged sword bc i keep having to isolate myself and skip clubs / studying / hanging out with friends and socializing to talk to her and listen to her vent and its just so exhausting and i feel like im starting to seriously fall behind in other areas of my life im supposed to be getting better in. its hard enough adjusting to this and missing high school and stuff and trying to learn how to be an adult and be independent, and having her weight over my shoulders just is making things so much worse. but if i tell her that she’s choking me she’ll hurt herself (she’s literally said to me, Multiple Times (and recently!!!) that if it werent for me she’d be dead by now or she would kill herself and stuff and im the only thing she’s living for at this point. which. i dont know how to feel about that). i feel so trapped and i can’t say or do anything that indicates that im uncomfortable because she’ll get mad at me and make these passive agressive little side comments or do these alarmed emoticons and stuff or give me the silent treatment for a day or two (which is always scary bc like its Good when she’s not talking to me but when she doesnt im scared that something horrible happened to her!!!!!) and its just. god. ive started lying to her and coming up with fake excuses to get out of calling her because the thought of having to go isolate myself in these empty courtyards or nooks and crannies of my college campus is growing more and more uncomfortable and terrifying to me and i just cant fucking be honest about it because i suck. when i talk on the phone with her i have to be really fake and smiley and stuff and all she does is ramble about how horrible things are going for her and then i have to try and give advice when i just am so bad at talking and socializing already and im dealing w my own stuff and its… Awful. im so so weighed down by this nd i know that if she knew she’s being a…. b*rden to me right now she would be devastated and harm herself and stuff so i cant say anything and im spiraling out of control with THI s but you get the point im just really uncomfortable Always!!!! and i feel like my own emotions are completely 100000% inferior to hers because she’s gone through so much more than me and stuff???? and idk if thats True or if its just the way i feel but i just cant do anything around her bc shes like a ticking time bomb and anything i feel or try to do to protect myself from getting hurt will be selfish bc shes hurting way mre than me!!!!!!!!

anyways her birthday just happened a couple weeks ago and i bought her a tiny present and drew her somehting (i felt super guilty about not doing More for it though because shes done so much for me and also literally nobody except me remembered her birthday, not even really her own family). i havent mailed it to her yet (i told her i would send it this weekend, which is why this is marked as urgent) but we just exchanged addresses for the first time so now she not only knows my name, my age, what i look like, my Entire Backstory Ft. My Deepest Darkest Secrets, and how to reach me whenever she wants wherever she wants, but now she knows Exactly where i live and where i go to school too lol yay!!! anyways im getting really really anxious because i just had my midterms for college and didnt talk to her for an entire week last week but this happened right after her gf broke up with her and i think shes mad at me for taking a week off of talking to her. we were gonna call again today but i weaseled my way out of it bc it was so overwhelming and now i have to mail her this gift this weekend and my mom and other fmily members are all yelling at me about it and demanding that i just like…. Not Send It To Her because i dont owe her anything and tht i should just cut her off but if i do she’ll hurt herself nd she follows me everywhere and knows all of my secrets and stuff and idk im just scared that if i end our friendship she’ll try to ruin my life!!!! Like i dont think she would be petty like that or turn people against me or anything but she’s so obsessed with giving all of herself to other people nd she’s literally said she cant function without being 100000% devoted to somebody and like even after she’s broken up with all these other girls she still…. is obsessed with them and angsts over them and stuff and she does that with me even though i never even dated her or anything aND ITS JUST bad

like. idk i just really needed to get all of that out and im sorry it was so so so long and i dont even know what to do but i guess i marked this urgent because like. do i send her the present???? should i try to just like quietly distance myself from her real subtly so she wont notice or should i just straight up tell her that i cant breathe around her anymore and i just. really need space??? or like to not be friends anymore even though we know everything about each other??? am i being manipulated or is it jsut All In My Head that our relationship is toxic??? like idk if i shoud even cut her off completely or aNYTHING or if we could like even go on being just acquaintances from now on and saying hi to each other from time to time. and i feel so mean and bad for writin all of thisstuff about her when i know shses so vulnerable and i havent concretely communicated Any discomfort around her so if she saw this she would immediately know it was about her and do something Terrible to herself nd she constantly spams me with memes about depression and wanting to die and like…. blows up my phone with like 50 text messages at once and its just so so so much to worry about and i!!! just!!!!!! cant function like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!

anyways that was a huge disorganized mess and im kinda shaking and i dont even think i got all of it down or communicated how trapped and helpless i feel. ive never been in any situation like this before and i hate that she’s…. yeah. she’s really like manipulated me and stuff and i dont know how to get out of it. every time i think about it i feel like bursting into tears because im just so stuck and i dont even know if the way im feeling is even valid or if its all just lke. in my head or something and this is how friends really are Supposed to be because ive never really had a great social life either and my best friends are honestly my brother and sister and they mean everything to me and so i have friends outside of my family but like idk i never like. really was that close with any of them nad stuff nad idk this isnt about me BUT i just uhhh. am kinda crying a little bit and im sorry fo rbeig a big baby about all of this its all my fault for being a Human Doormat and letting people walk all over me nd tellin myself that i can bear that weight when i really have never taken good care of myself before Ever In My Life and stuff. but anyways im gonna stop rambling now and just… to whoever reads this or responds to this or whatever just thank you for hearing me out even if you think im wrong / crazy / Terrible for feeling this way because it just has been so much and i dont know what to do.

Hey there!

There's a lot going on here, but the bottom line seems to be this; you're in a friendship that you don't want to be in, and that you feel is unhealthy for you.

You are not her therapist. You can't fix her, you can't treat her, you can support her, but that's it. You aren't responsible for her. You're forcing yourself to put all this time and energy into something that you're super uncomfortable with, and don't want to be doing, and it's draining you and destroying your own mental health. You have to put yourself first. It's okay to want to help people, but you HAVE to put yourself first, or else you'll burn out and you won't be able to help anybody.

At the very least, you need to talk to her about how you're feeling, and tell her you need to tone down your relationship. What's happening absolutely isn't fair to you. All you can do to help her is your best, and right now, you're not doing your best because you're not taking care of yourself.

I know you're concerned about her hurting herself or killing herself, but you have to understand that you are not responsible for her. If she does something to herself, it's not as a result of your actions. She's traumatized and mentally ill, and those factors are what causes her to hurt herself. Not you. You are not and can not be responsible for her. Period. If she tells you she's going to kill herself or severely hurt herself, you have her address. Call 911 and ask them to dispatch help to her house. She might hate you for it, but an angry person is far, far better than a dead person. That action very well might save her life, and get her the help that she needs, so don't be afraid to do it.

As for the present, it's totally up to you. You did promise it to her, and fulfilling that promise might help you let her down a little bit more gently. At the same time, giving her a permanent reminder of you could hurt her. Maybe you should ask her? Tell her about how you're feeling and that you can't keep going with this intense of a relationship, and have a conversation about that. During that conversation, you could ask if she still wants the present. She might get angry, or it could help soothe her, or maybe she'll have a totally different reaction. It's hard to know.

This conversation is going to be super, super hard. It's going to be hell, quite frankly. She's a super sensitive person, and she's probably not going to take it well. So remember what I said before, about her not being your responsibility, and do a LOT of self care working up to the conversation and after the conversation. I'd recommend making a self care kit, and putting things in it that help calm you down. My personal self care kit contains nice smelling lotion, soft fabric, stuff to play with, gum, tea bags, and notes from friends reminding me that they love me. You could also be texting a friend during the conversation, so that they can reassure you and help talk you through it.

You may not be going through the same things she is, but your feelings and your struggles are valid. You don't need to destroy yourself to help someone that's "worse" than you are. You need to take care of yourself, and keep yourself as healthy as possible. You aren't any less valuable simply because you're not traumatized or self harming. Your mental health is important, and you need to do what's right for you.

I hope this helps!

♥ - Fawn

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