#i actually agree with a lot of what u said but there were some fundamentals missing

[pencileraser1]

u were keatposting in my asks. now i must do the same in yours since my brain is so obviously filled with him. share ur keating thoughts i know theyre hiding in there!!!!!!!!

i'm just gonna thoughtsdump about this it might not be coherent?but here we go

a lot of my keating thoughts are kind of depressing uh

i think the really tragic thing about this movie (or one of them i guess) is that in the end basically everything that happened likely didn't matter enough in the long term. and one of the biggest losses is that i kind of do think that after keating left, almost none of the students would continue to apply what he taught them. the biggest exceptions to this would be todd and sort of half charlie, i do pretty much agree with the post canon idea that it's likely that todd would end up an english teacher. and i think that he's probably the only person who would genuinely continue to actually apply what keating taught him. charlie i think would continue to be rebellious for a bit longer and then eventually sort of fall in line with what his parents wanted from him in the end, the best outcome is probably that he'd go on to be some sort of artist but i don't think it's super likely that that's what he'd do long term/all the time if that makes sense. for the rest of the poets, i think they'd all go back to how they were before pre-keating. i think you mentioned that neil was really the person who understood keatings lessons the best, which i agree with, and him dying likely prevented the rest of the poets from really getting it before keating left. basically my thought about this is that at the end of the movie, todd and keating are both fundamentally changed, but the rest of the poets aren't, and how much they were able to change is not enough to create a lasting impact.

on a lighter note someone said that possibly the most impressive mark of what keating did was that hopkins stood up on the desk at the end. and while i think that the combination of todd being able to stand up on his desk first, and how keating and neil made it possible to do so is more impressive, i think it maybe comes in in close second for me (i know i just went on a tangent about this not mattering that much but it did matter a little bit and this is still very impressive. like the guy shown to be the Most skeptical stood on the desk that's a lot)

i've seen a theory floating around every once in a while that keating's experience with the first dead poets society might have been similar to what happened with neil, like he had a friend in the society who also committed suicide, and i kind of don't like that theory very much? i guess there are a few elements to it, the biggest being that if someone died the first time, i don't think that keating would even entertain the thought of restarting it. and the second is that i honestly think we could come up with something a lot more interesting.

keating went to welton during ww2, (there's a small possible plothole/timeline issue which is that nolan tells keating he taught english "way before you're time," per the annual, keating begun attending welton in 1941, when nolan was probably about 40 and i suspect not principal since there isn't really any familiarity between the two. my personal theory which i actually really like now that i'm thinking about it is that nolan wasn't at welton from 1941-1944 for some reason, probably ww2 related. not sure Exactly how, nolan's old enough that it's unlikely he would've actually fought unless he had been in the military before, but that could also be interesting, idk there's a lot of possibilities) the us joined ww2 at the end of 1941 so for almost the entire time keating was in school, that would have been going on. and i think that would have put a very unique type of stress on the school and i think it would be really interesting to think about the poet's experience during that time. what i do think happened in lieu of someone dying is probably that they got in some significant amount of trouble at some point, or possibly that they didn't exactly get in trouble but that there was some other issue related to the administration.

other interesting details from the annual: keating was varsity soccer captain and editor of the school annual, likely how he got dps under his name. also btw keating was the soccer coach during the movie if that wasn't clear since the soccer team is. just keatings class minus cameron whose doing fencing. and i only realized this after reading the book (which i do not reccomend if you want to read the book just read the old script it's got all the same stuff and i honestly think the writings better in the script)

anyways i think we should come up with more theories about the original dead poets. bc i think that could be interesting.

i think we were kind of talking about the keating/neil parallels a bit and i'm just gonna talk more about that as well bc i'm a bit insane about it. so like as previously mentioned!!! neil is the one who fundamentally understood keating the most probably (todd and charlie also understood keating but in different ways kind of??? and i think you've spoken about this before too) and there's a lot of like; keating likely starting the original dps/neil starting dps 2.0, both being editors of the school annual (sort of), both encouraging people (todd) to express themselves in ways they might not have thought possible

the way keating and neil's storylines end are also similar. they both set out with a specific goal and while they are successful at first, they are both stopped in ways that are ultimately kind of catastrophic. not fully coherent about this yet but. wanted to add it.

also just wanted to briefly mention keating and mcallister bc i really liked their relationship, all of m thoughts have already been said but i just wanted to add that

keating is in a position where he understands what his students are going through in a way that none of the other teachers do and throughout the movie i honestly think his goal was at least partially just to make their lives just a little bit better. like some of his students would get it and some wouldn't, but for all of them they have one class where the teacher is nice and not as strict or exhausting or gives them ridiculous amounts of homework. and even if keating is just. the one class that's a little bit easier. that still probably helps so much with how the environment at welton was. obviously keatings ultimate goal was probably to teach his students to think for themselves and about what they specifically want but i think the smaller impacts of like. ok here's one class where the teacher isn't a hardass is meaningful too.

[sokkastyles]

Hey!, I love your atla meta and zutara posts.

I was scrolling through Instagram and saw this. So if u don't mind, what do you think about this?

After a break from the atla fandom bcz the discourse lowkey left me exhausted and traumatized. This was'nt pleasant.

Maybe it's bcz this feels like someone read a zutara post and is trying to paint smth similar to it with maiko , but for some reason, this makes me feel kinda sick.

Thoughts?

I think I've responded to this sentiment before because there's a lot to unpack with the idea that Mai "loved Zuko unconditionally," because first of all, she didn't. Their relationship only began because Azula decided it would be more beneficial to bring Zuko back as an ally than as an enemy. If things had gone as expected, Zuko would have been brought back to the fire nation as a prisoner, and he would have been spending the trip home in a cell like Iroh instead of smooching Mai. We have no idea whether Mai might have been distressed by this possibility and the hand she would have played in it, and the show gets her off the hook from having to have feelings about it because things just happen to work out so that she doesn't have to and she gets a boyfriend instead of the knowledge that she helped destroy the life of the boy she had a crush on when they were kids. I actually asked myself once whether she would have cared, and even attempted to write a fic where I started out thinking that Mai would actually try to break Zuko out of prison, but that's not what ended up happening as I channeled Mai's character. Here's the fic by the way.

My point is that their relationship is conditional. It's conditional on Zuko choosing to side with the fire nation. That's why he has to break up with her when he realizes that's not what he wants anymore, and when he tries to explain that to her, she refuses to understand it. And then when she decides to get back together with him, it's conditional, too. She literally tells him never to break up with her again. That's not something you say to a person you love unconditionally, because unconditional love means allowing someone to make their own choices, even if it means letting them go. I'm not even sure you can claim Mai loved Zuko before his banishment, either, since all we see is her blushing once when they were kids. The most you can say is she had a kiddie crush.

I've also seen people say that she loves him unconditionally because she's willing to get back together with him despite not agreeing with his morals, and as I've already said, that isn't true, because she threatens him with ultimatums, and she makes Zuko promise something he can't keep. They broke up because of their differing morals, and since that doesn't change, Zuko is likely to do the same thing again, just like he did at the Boiling Rock when Mai thought he would just back down if she yelled and threw things enough.

But also, the idea that unconditional love in this particular instance is a good thing is something I have to question in the first place. Unconditional love is a lofty phrase, but there are absolutely things that SHOULD be conditional in relationships, and having the same morals and ideals is one of those things. Especially since Zuko is the Fire Lord and his beliefs about politics and ethics will affect the future of his country. This isn't just a difference of opinion, it's something that makes them fundamentally incompatible and it's never resolved. And using it to claim that Mai "loves him unconditionally" because she's willing to stay with him even though they have fundamentally different ideals rubs me the wrong way.

Which leads me back to why I think people make these arguments in the first place, and I agree that it's nauseating. Because often when people say this, they're making some kind of implication that Zuko was so horrible to her and he should be grateful to her that she's willing to stick with him. And not only is that a shitty thing to do to someone in a relationship, but it is not unconditional love. It's gaslighting. It's especially creepy because Zuko has already had enough of that shit in his life. He deserves to be with someone who loves him for who he is, not despite who he is, and that kind of love is not real love to begin with. People are like "oh, but she saved him!" Yeah, she was the reason he was in danger in the first place, though. "Oh, but she put up with his anger and jealousy!" He was angry and jealous because she wouldn't listen when he tried to tell her that he was hurting. "But she isn't his therapist!" Literally shut up. I've said it before and I will say it again, I don't think I've ever seen a fictional relationship be accidentally written like an abusive relationship the way this one is, and it's even worse given that Zuko already has a history of abuse.

And yeah, I agree I think people try to make this argument to counteract Zutara, because Zutara is so much about change. Zuko had to change to have a friendship with Katara, so to counteract people try to make Mai a more appealing partner because she "accepted" him even when he was a mess. But the thing is, as I outlined above, not only is this not true, because Mai isn't particularly accepting. But the other thing is that changing, becoming a better person for someone else, is a good thing. Not being fixed by a relationship, but being willing to become better for the person you love. Katara may not have loved Zuko when he was a villain, but she believed he could change, and that actually is unconditional love, the right kind of unconditional love, the kind of unconditional love that makes people better and doesn't come with obligations. Mai loving Zuko when he's a confused mess isn't all that impressive since his abusive father and sister also "loved" him when he was enough of a mess to be kept under their thumb. This is abuser logic. And it's even more transparent because the second Zuko stands up for himself and takes steps to become a better, happier version of himself, Mai can't stand it and refuses to listen to his reasons, and then continues to act like he'll just shut up and put up if she tells him to.

This sounds harsh but a lot of it isn't directed at Mai necessarily, who is a fictional character who suffers from being underwritten and used by writers with an agenda. But the people who make these arguments that don't seem to realize how much they reek of abuse apologism, about a character whose narrative is so much about overcoming abuse? They can absolutely shut up.

Zuko doesn't owe Mai - or anyone - anything no matter how much she loved him or for how long.

I'd also question whether she made him "happier than we've ever seen him." Half those screenshots don't even show Zuko happy. Another one is when Zuko is commiserating with Mai over "hating the world." The last one is when Zuko is surprised that Mai doesn't hate him. So much for unconditional love.

[nothorses]

i kind of agree that the internet (and ppl in general) have become more conflict avoidant, to the point of detriment. and that can be seen especially in fanfic spaces, where any sort of criticism is almost sacrilege. (im talking about like. constructive criticism not just being like “augh this sucks” )

which is fine! nobody has to listen to criticism when they dont want it. but i find it worrying because i think its scared people off from interacting with fanart/fic at all!

for example, im definitely a sensitive person but i started to explicitly say “please share any and all criticisms!” under my writing. cause i felt i needed that, and it was quite scary and difficult at first but ive kinda taught myself to actually use that info to make my work better. which makes me happy in turn.

but also! i find i get more comments in general, even completely positive ones! i think because people are less scared of coming off the wrong way. idk this is sort of random but. just thought id share how ive seen what u were talkin about reflected in specific spaces.

Yes, absolutely! and I think this highlights part of the issue for me, too.

I think lot of this behavior stems from fearing the vulnerability that comes with trust. And we talk a lot about how not trusting others or not trusting yourself isolates you- which it absolutely does- but something I don't really see discussed is the impact this has on others as well.

Like you said, the fear of interactions going wrong means people are less willing to say even kind things, for fear of them being taken the wrong way; which is isolating for you, and which can also make other people feel like you don't want to interact with them for some reason.

Lacking trust in other people also often means jumping to conclusions about them, assuming the worst, and ultimately making them feel like they're undeserving of trust for whatever reason. Even if that's not why you feel that way, I can definitely tell you from experience the kind of damage that can cause to someone's mental health and self-perception.

Trust isn't owed, but I do think everyone deserves a chance before you decide to take it away. And I think if you find you fundamentally can't trust someone, there's really no justification for sticking around.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

hi i just want to say i love love love ur blog and thank u for all the info on “rad feminism”. although i very much believe in / support / LOVE feminism (of course!!!!) i wasnt really aware of the term but i do hear it thrown around a lot so i’m shocked to hear that this type of “feminism” is discriminatory towards transgender people. feminism should be the complete OPPOSITE of that. calling urself a feminist and forcing ppl into boxes is CRAZY.

So, here's a post I reblogged today that looks at how radfems and TERFs are doing shit on tumblr to try and indoctrinate people, and I just want to share that because there's further good information about their tactics.

The history of radfems is 100% wrapped in gatekeeping and control tactics. Very short history: Radfems were birthed out of second wave feminism. Up until that point, feminism was something pursued in the public sector most often by women who had the means and time to focus fully on activism. So, upper middle-class white women. There were BIPOC women in every aspect of feminism from the beginning, but due to socioeconomic factors and just plain old racism, those women were rarely listened to outside their own sphere of influence.

In second wave, BIPOC women had finally gained some upward mobility economically and socially that opened the doors to do more in the wider world of the feminist movement. When they went to the white women in charge of the movement and said, "Hey, we have supported and worked for your concerns for decades. Here are things that are especially affecting BIPOC women, and we would greatly appreciate the reciprocation of everything we've put into the movement.

To which the upper middle-class white women who had the power in the movement basically said, "No, those things don't affect us, so we don't care."

Out of this schism came a lot of white women who couldn't believe other women were "betraying" them by putting the needs of their communities ahead of what white women wanted. And that was the birth of radical feminism, the idea that anyone who called themself "feminist" disagreeing with these women were the enemy and had to be silence and stopped.

Several decades later, third wave feminism was able to really start discussing intersectional feminism where even if your concerns aren't mine, they are valid because you are speaking from an experience and a community I don't have. But we are all striving for human rights, dignity, and respect, so fighting for the rights of one woman is fighting for rights for all of us. Third wave isn't (wasn't? I'm not sure if we've actually rolled into fourth wave at this point) perfect. White Feminism is still an issue. Getting people who say they believe in the rights of all women to realize that means women they find fundamentally terrible deserve the same human rights is a problem. People wanting to put Western Feminism Ideals onto other cultures like Japan and the Middle East is a problem.

Meanwhile, Radical Feminists have built a walled-off city where they can all yell about how they're the truest and purest feminists and anyone who disagrees with them is mentally ill, or hates women, or is an abuse apologist. Amongst many other claims.

The difference between Radfems and Feminists is that Radfems don't want to bring in anyone who doesn't absolutely agree with them on every point. Feminists want to open the doors and welcome anyone trying to genuinely help all women achieve human dignity. It's not a perfect system. As listed above, there are issues in the movement to this day that will likely persist until the universe ends, but at the core of it, Radfems want total agreement and loyalty, and Feminists are seeking to build a community where we understand one another and support one another even if my problem isn't your problem.

The most important thing to remember, I think, is this: The number of radfems is actually pretty small. They're just fucking loud. And I think the reason they've gotten so loud is that more and more people are realizing their goals aren't to educate or help but to shame and control, and so they're getting louder about how they're the real victims and MUST fight back against people who disagree with them, whether directly or not because they're trying to "save" the "real" feminists. They're not trying to save anyone except themselves and the rest of their cult, and to hell with the rest of us. But, there's more of us seeking real community and care than radfems, so I think we'll win in the end. We just have to remember that we're in this together, and that keeping the door open to new ideas and information is a very powerful tool.

[spammmies]

sometimes i’ll see a vid and remember that cis ppl rly don’t realise that trans ppl r human.

context: i saw a video from a cis woman ranting about the “period debate” and how that made her feel as someone with pcos. she mostly just spoke about the very real horrors ppl w pcos go through. at the start, she briefly touched on how the phrase “periods don’t belong to women” means different things in different spaces- like in trans inclusive spaces it just acknowledges that trans men and some non binary ppl can get periods too.

but still. somehow. the op and all the commenters. forgot. that pcos is not exclusive to cis ppl.

trans ppl. can have pcos too.

trans ppl can be afflicted with the same shit cis ppl do.

trans ppl are

HUMAN

the vid really rubbed me the wrong way- almost like a centrist Trying to placate the trans community by giving us a shout out, but really she’s still speaking from a place of fear instilled by transphobes. she goes right back to centring herself as a cis woman- “sure we don’t own periods but we can’t disown them” first of all, no one is asking you to disown them. what does that even mean? and how does that help any of us? second of all, how does this relate to trans people?

there was a lot of “well if trans women want periods they can take mine lol” and “why would anyone want periods??? it’s hellish and oppressive” and while i’m not a trans woman, i can safely say that not many people actually Want periods. people Want to be affirmed. people Want to be respected. and that’s the thing cis ppl fundamentally misunderstand abt trans ppl. when a 11 yr old girl is excited for her first period, she’s not excited for the period. she’s excited for the symbolism- the womanhood or the coming of age. same fkn shit!! it’s not ABOUT the period!!!! literally all we want is to be seen and treated as human. even then, most of this “debate” isn’t ABOUT trans women or non binary ppl!!! it’s about the trans men and non binary ppl that still menstruate!!!!! it’s abt including us and improving trans healthcare and period care!!! which i KNOW is still pretty vague but forgive me i’m typing at 2am!!!!!

i’ve blocked the op now, because my insides kept getting itchy over how the vid felt transphobic but if i called attention to it, i would look silly or sensitive because it’s something only trans ppl are receptive to. the comments were FULL of cis women being super appreciative and agreeing wholeheartedly- which was weird because it also felt like op said a whole lot of nothing. 3 min vid: “pcos bad and Only cis women’s experience with misogyny is tied to it” comments: “WOOO PREACH YES FINALLY SOMEONE SAID THIS”

though i do wish i didn’t chicken out and i actually asked these guys something:

how are we mocking you for having periods/pcos? is it really mocking, or are you feeling defensive because people are trying to tell you you’re not the only ones that deal with this shit?

does being told that this experience isn’t inherently womanly somehow take something from you? does it somehow deny your reality? well it shouldn’t, you’re more than welcome to link your own period and reproductive capabilities to your womanhood! just know that period=woman or period=feminism is nowhere near universal.

finally, does realising that trans people are human, and that they share experiences with you, threaten you?

tldr cis ppl r irritating me bc covert transphobia is SO annoying when u cant do anything abt it

[megasuperhappyfuntimestuff]

So, my growing position in terms of post-canon homestuck is disliking the epilogues and LOVING HSBC. I used to be an epilogues defender but I've been doing a reread and candy is so incredibly unfun. But I'm on meat now and...

Meat jadedavekat is kinda cute??????

Like. There IS a fundamental flaw in Jades approach. Her trying to logic it out and all that. But like... Dave and Karkats dynamic with her in that one is really cute and it seems like their fundamental issue with it is 1. The fact that they don't wanna communicate and 2. That they haven't reckoned with their feelings for each other yet.

Idk !! Meat still has got its issues, I mean the shit Dirk says about Jade are things people have said to me to justify why my polyamory is some sort of fucked up coping mechanism but rereading it has been really fun. Like I got so hyped for certain parts. Idk.

Not to sound like a broken record, but the main way both epilogues disappointed me so greatly is how it treated polyamory. And it had an actively negative effect on the fandom space regarding that. People were saying slutshaming, biphobic, and misogynistic things about Jade THAT PEOPLE HAD SAID TO ME IRL BEFORE. (Back when I id'd as pan). Like it seems like not only did a lot of people walk away from the epilogues feeling like there was a genuine "polyamory is just bad" message(like I did), a lot of people came away from it with "AND I AGREE, even though I don't even like this story". It was the first time I actually got harassed over fandom drama !! And I'm just a rando !!

Shrugs. I HIGHLY doubt hsbc is gonna end with meat jadedavekat. Tbh, I would WAY prefer if Jade asks about it and Dave and Karkat have matured to a level where they can just tell her that they don't want that. And Jade just gets to... Be her own person??? For a bit??? And kick more ass pls. God the hsbc chapter where she beats up ult!Callie is so good.

ALSO MAKE CANDY JADEROSEMARY GOOD SOMEHOW???? CONVINCE ME HSBC!!!!! I'm very willing to be convinced bc I do love that ship outside the context of how they did it. Show them grow and show them care for each other. Make it up to Kanaya. Instill trust into their relationship. Let them make boundaries. Idk. Help them heal.

(I may be biased because I literally adore Yiffy as a character like. Such a cool design such a cool deal)

Idk. I genuinely feel like homestuck kind of has to redeem itself big time with polyamorous fans and I don't know if the team knows that.

Anyway I literally adore this team so I will proooobably like what they do no matter what, even if they take the characters in directions that I wouldn't. I'm here for the ride and to support cool queer art. Worst that happens? There's an aspect I don't like of it and I write my own damn homestuck >u<

[cwarscars]

Han, you should know that I absolutely love the fact that you write Heid as an unreliable narrator and I am constantly grinning while reading your posts because his voice is just so perfect. Ugh. Gets me every time, right in the feels. But I just wanted to ask (if you don't mind elaborating on this) - does Heidegger know at some level that he's doing this or has it become some sort of fundamental truth? How much of it is credited to a lie he told himself time and time again (perhaps as a defense mechanism, fake until you make it etc) and how much is genuine belief and blind devotion to an ideal/someone?

thank you for the question my lovely - u are v kind and i love u v v v v much.

to answer your question; i defintly think it was a case of the old 'fake it til you make it' / accept ignorance and be ignorant as a result of it. i always write younger heidegger as being much more...thoughtful? and aware of truths / what he's saying. he's very honest and blunt and rarely ignorant. he acknowledges his downfalls and other people's despite being somewhat stubborn. but i imagine his essential brainwashing / willful ignorance upon becoming close with shinra essentially does just become blind acceptance of whatever shinra would have him believe.

we see in game that heidegger will follow whoever is in charge. he entirely agrees with everything that president shinra has to say and is always sucking up to him (despite being a little bitchy behind his back). he also sucks up to rufus in the original (despite also being bitchy behind his back, too). this, to me, shows someone who is entirely aware of things going on & happening but someone unwilling to outwardly challenge it through ease or simple fortitude.

heidegger isn't an idiot by any means and although i joke about it, i want that known. he's an educated man who plays dumb a lot - he is well aware of terrible things done by shinra but does them because it's his position / his loyalty.

he's 'following orders' & 'serving' those in charge.

i think, ultimately, were heidegger to actually sit and reflect upon his actions - he would sink very deeply into a depression. i dont write him as being overly soft or traumatised and i wont, like, pretend he isn't sadistic or somewhat maniacle but i do enjoy giving him a human side and i think he is capable of reflective thought and acknowledgement. he just chooses not to - he's grown so used to following shinra and stepping on everyone else that he doesn't need to question himself, he doesn't need to not be ignorant.

this is why in his meteor verse, he's borderline suicide and broken. because he's answering for his chosen ignorance - he's being forced to repent for the actions he could have said no to (arguably).

in terms of just simple, normal things - standard arguments and petty little bits, heidegger is ignorant purely because he's stubborn and likes being 'right.' man has trouble accepting he's wrong and would rather double down on a wrong point than wave the flag and give a win to somebody in the right.

[ihatebnha]

There's waayyy too much pressure on people that write for free on here. I won't say it's all from people that only read because a ton of it seems to be self inflicted pressure maybe because as people we want to keep chasing that high we felt when something really popped off OR we only see value in our work if other people do. But like - not everything (even if you do everything "right") is going to pop off. If someone's main focus is to get notes (which seems to be a lot naturally ofc) then yes you want to appeal to the masses. If you veer off then yes there will be a dip *but* at times that dip will go away because new people will have filled in.

It's just unfortunate because so many people joined to express their interest and now what? Holding back?? For what?! People will either read whats in front of them or and go find the content they want in the sea of blogs that is Tumblr and that has nothing to do with you. And not to mention "readers" (in quotes because "readers" and "writers" is such a silly divide when people should be encouraged to do both) change interests too. There will always be someone that wants to read what you write. Numbers can get to people's heads when it comes to followers or interactions but also last time I checked Tumblr isn't sponsoring a single person in this lil community. In cliche words, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. A post gets 100 notes and not 1000? Your boss isn't going to come to you asking why you didn't hit those numbers. Your followers aren't paying you so if you want to switch it up go for it. And again with the pressure thing, just because you write a Dabi piece doesn't mean you have to be a Dabi blog now lol I mean unless you want to. Heck one day you might decide to write something for side character 10 from half a scene (stares in beefy tired cop from mha) in a no name anime just to get it off your chest and that's totally fine. *sigh* That was a lot and idk if it made sense but basically give yourself the grace to express yourself in your own space.

A lot going on here so I apologize if I don't address it all. Also apologies because I was out when you sent this and couldn't respond.

I think... for the most part, you're right on the mark about most things. Writers sharing any content at all is such a good, good thing, right? But like you said, there's also tons of self-inflicted pressure to do well as well as a shift in views... so even though I agree that people shouldn't base their work's worth on notes... what's being talked about here is how people are craving the old amount of interaction vs. new amount of interaction.

(And not just for singular pieces, but overall. Even if someone is chasing the high of one specific thing that popped off... there is still a noticeable difference between how that occurs now in comparison to when the community was "booming" per se.)

I actually wrote a lot more in response to this that I ended up deleting... but basically the distinction here is just between craving notes specifically... and craving the appreciation of those like-minded to you... similar to how much easier it was to find them a year ago.

Besides, though I don't want to invalidate what you said, much of the making content process DOES rely on talking to other people... so creating a space (a blog, such as mine) for both writers + readers means both honoring that dynamic by creating some form of interaction between sides. Not just through notes... which niche stuff does get, but also... comments, reblobs + asks... which is much rarer when it comes to what isn't popular (Bakugo) and are what people are talking about when they complain about topics like this.

Combine that with the fact that the sea of tumblr blogs is now HARDER to use and more concentrated with people who don't use it the same way WE use it/used to use it (AKA, the people who just want one specific thing)... it's not even the lack of notes that people struggle with, but rather, just the fact that, in a way, things are a lot different now. Before, there were places you could go to celebrate broad niches (such as DC, villains + etc)... now it's just... be popular already or post Bakugo or flop as a blog.

And if you want blogs to survive... for readers to BECOME writers... for there to be more than just ten popular people at a time... this is a problem.

(And I could talk about how the self-inflicted pressure comes from feeling like there's still a chance to go back to how it was before, blah blah blah, which makes it harder + etc because we CAN'T)

But I think what I'm just trying to express is that, when we talk about this switch, many writers and readers are just in mourning of what once was.

[angryinternetduck]

Bet On It

HELLO i’m back again with not only another fic but another friends to lovers!!! here’s 5.9k on hotel mishaps, long-term bets, and falling in love. featuring harry styles x reader with just a few warnings of explicit language and alcohol consumption.

enjoy!!!

masterlist | ask

***

Five Years Ago

If you hadn’t met him an hour before in the bar of the hotel, you would’ve said no. Share a hotel room with a stranger just because the hotel fucked up and double booked a room? No. Absolutely not.

Except -

His name was Harry. He was very cute. And sweet. He complimented your shoes in the bar, dimpling at you all cutely before holding out his hand and introducing himself. He let you prattle on for way too long, laughing at all your jokes and nodding gravely when you started getting serious.

And surprisingly, when you said you had to go, he didn’t ask you out or try to kiss you. He just told you it was nice to meet you with a smile. Problem was that that wasn’t the last you saw of him; when you went up to the desk to get your key card, the receptionist informed you of the mistake.

“We’ve double booked it. You’ll have to work it out amongst yourselves,” they said. “We can suggest other places to stay, or you can sleep in the lobby. Or - of course, you can always share. He’s over there. Guy in the pink shirt.”

You looked over, and lo and behold…

“Harry.”

“We meet again.”

“Was this your doing?” you joked. “All that to get me in a room with you?”

Harry grinned. “I wish I were that smart.”

“So just coincidence?”

“Or perhaps fate,” Harry replied with a shrug.

“Did you know?” you asked. “When you, uh - introduced yourself?”

He shook his head and said, “Not that it was you.”

“Well, now that you do, what do you say? Share the room?”

Harry tilted his head from side to side, pondering. “Let’s prove it was fate,” he decided, meeting your gaze with a grin. Your brows furrowed, and he clarified. “Rock, paper, scissors. I win, we’ll share. You win, I’ll find somewhere else to stay.” He held out his fist.

“Won’t make me find somewhere else?” you asked, smiling a bit. “Would rather share?”

He shrugged.

“Alright, then.”

Both of you counted silently, in your heads -

Rock, paper, scissors…

Harry grinned, and you made a fist from your scissors to bump his rock.

“Fate it is,” you said.

Fate proved to be in your favor; that night, you had the most fun you’d ever had in your life. To your surprise, however, the fun didn’t involve sex. Just talking. You sat on the bed drinking booze from the minifridge and talking until dawn with this Harry Styles.

It came up at one point, sex - or at least kissing did - but neither ever happened.

It was around three, when the exhaustion had set in, when you were lying down, gazing into each other’s eyes, half asleep. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?” he’d whispered, and you grinned at him. “I should be asking you that, don’t you think?”

He looked confused. “Why’s that?”

“You’re the one in love with me,” you told him.

He giggled, rubbing his eyes. “And what makes you say that?”

“You wanted to share!” you exclaimed, like it was obvious, because it was.

“Sharing is caring.”

You bounced your brows. “Caring. Loving.”

Harry laughed and insisted, “Not the same!”

“I’d bet a million bucks you’re in love with me,” you murmured, tapping his nose.

“Then a million bucks you’d lose.”

“You will be,” you said, nodding slightly.

“Yeah?” Harry asked, a smile growing on his lips.

“Yeah.”

“Do you have a million bucks to give me on my deathbed when I still only care?” he said.

“Do you have a million bucks to give me when you confess?” you said back.

He stared at you for a second. His eyes were very green, his smile very wistful. “A kiss.”

“A kiss?” you echoed.

Harry nodded. “I will bet you one kiss that I will never fall in love with you.”

“You’re gonna want a lot more than one kiss when you inevitably do,” you whispered.

“At least one kiss,” he amended.

“At least one kiss,” you agreed.

“Shake on it?”

You both shifted around in the bed so you could shake hands without sitting up.

“It’s a bet,” Harry said.

And so it was.

***

Present Day

“Give it to me straight, Styles,” you greet Harry, plopping down at your table with a sigh.

He hesitates for a moment, drawing out the suspense, and then breathes, “Care.”

You shake your head disappointedly. “Unbelievable, how bad you are at lying, you -”

Harry interrupts, “What’s really unbelievable is your tardiness -”

Then you do: “Your annoyingness -”

He pouts and fires back, “Your vocabulary -”

“Your lack thereof -”

“That’s not proper English.”

You stick your tongue out at him. “You’re not proper English.”

“I promise you I am,” he replies with a smirk.

“I’ve always thought the accent was fake.”

“If it were, I’d be the greatest impersonator to walk the earth.”

“Impersonator?” you repeat. “And tell me, what is an impersonator but a talented liar?”

He gives you a grin. “I’ll take the compliment of talented, thank you.”

Leveling his gaze, you smile back and take a sip of your drink. “You know, I think that actually was proper English,” you muse. “Lack thereof. Your vocabulary - or lack thereof.” Harry bites his lip, eyes narrowed, staring at you, and you’re tempted to joke that his focus is lust when he replies, “It’s still wrong. I was saying your vocabulary is naive, and by saying I have none, you’re fundamentally saying the same. It’s redundant.”

Clearly satisfied with himself, he sits back, smiles smugly, and takes a sip of his coffee.

“Harry Styles,” you say, “I’m going to smack that smirk right off your pretty face.”

“Second compliment in a day!” Harry exclaims. “Someone alert the press.”

You roll your eyes, taking a sip of your own drink. “Why, they’d have a field day.”

The little cafe you’re in is absolutely adorable. It’s midway between your place and Harry’s, and after that fateful night in the hotel (during which you learned you live so close to each other), you began a tradition of meeting here once a week.

Tradition doesn’t end with just the location and time. Each meeting is almost exactly the same. You’re always late, and you always greet him the same way: some variation of “Have you fallen in love with me yet?”

And his reply is always the same: negative.

From there, the conversation wanders as much as it ever does, with one asking about the other’s week and the response being long and filled with complaints and woes and lamentations. The question is echoed back, and the response is - again - long, filled with complaints, woes, etc.

Despite the moaning and groaning, the mood never falls too low. It’s impossible to feel down around Harry Styles; just one look at those dimples makes a smile of your own appear on your face.

Your friendship with him has certainly blossomed. It’s a wonder he hasn’t fallen in love yet (or maybe he has, you’ll never know unless he says), and a greater wonder still that he hasn’t turned the question around on you.

Because the answer would be yes. You have, in fact, fallen in love with him.

Deeply, madly, in love.

But he’ll never know, because you’ll never say.

***

“I love you,” you tell Harry breathlessly, looking up at him lovingly. “Most ardently.”

Harry shakes his head. “No, no - I’m just a girl! I’m just a girl, standing in front of -”

“I’ll always be there for you!” you cut in excitedly. “All the love in my heart, Llo -”

“Michael, I love you!” Harry gushes. “Choose me, marry me, let me make you happy!”

You jump up and jut a finger at him dramatically. “We live in a cynical world!” you exclaim. “A cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you! You - you complete me!”

Harry jumps up to match you and begins, “I hate that -” then shakes his head and restarts, “I hate the way you’re always right, I hate it when you lie - I hate it when you make me laugh and - and - and even worse when you make me cry - I hate the way - I hate it when” - he’s grinning big now, jumping with excitement and passion - “you’re not around and the fact you didn’t call - but - but mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even a little bit, not even at all!”

It all came out in a rush of jumbled words and you’re so impressed you can’t help but sit back down and clap for him. Bright red, Harry takes a bow and collapses onto his couch next to you. “That took way too much effort,” he says, out of breath.

“It was worth it,” you tell him. “That was dazzling, really. You should go on the road.”

Harry nods. “One man show. Shakespeare. All of his long monologues, then bam - a poem better than all the others combined.” You giggle and fall into him, leaning against his chest with a sigh. “I’ll come with you,” you say. “Follow you to the ends of the earth and hold my breath to Pluto.”

“What’s that from?” Harry asks.

“That’s all me, baby.”

“Maybe the poem better than all the others combined could be yours.”

“Impossible,” you say immediately. “Nothing will ever beat Kat Stratford.”

“I’ll manage.”

You scoff. “You?”

“We.”

You shake your head. “There’s no ‘we’ in genius, Styles, but there is an I.”

“And a U!” Harry replies.

You look up at him.

“Wait.”

Snickering, you sit up and stretch your arms towards the ceiling. “Stick to memorization, maybe. Leave the heavy lifting to me. You need some practice on that speech, anyway - I counted at least three errors, not to mention the stuttering.”

“Practice makes perfect,” Harry sings. “What do you say, can I confess my love to you every night for the sake of practice?” You shake your head, standing up again and grabbing an empty container of food to throw away. “Not without losing the bet.”

Harry follows you, cleaning up as he goes. “Just for the one man show!”

“No exceptions.” You grin at him, grabbing your stuff and heading for the door. “Thanks for the food, Styles. I’ll see you Sunday?” Harry nods and blows you a kiss, which you catch and put in your pocket. “I’ll save that for when you lose the bet,” you tell him.

“Get outta here,” Harry laughs.

You stick your tongue out at him and stick a post it note on the door frame as you leave.

***

Harry usually wakes up to a few texts. Maybe a call every so often. Notifications from social media aren’t uncommon. The only days he wakes up to nearly a hundred texts are the nights you decide to go to the outlook.

Whether or not you like staying up late normally, you stay up until the wee hours of the morning to go to this place you found about three hours outside of the city. It’s a bit of a drive, but it’s completely worth it.

There’s a little woods out there, and a while ago you went a bit off path and found an outcropping of rocks that look out over the city. At night, stars are visible. There’s nothing you love more than lying for hours on the cool stone, gazing up at the heavens above.

The first time you took Harry to the outlook, you asked a question, and Harry’s answer to that question was one of the only lies he’s ever told you. You’d asked, “You’re not afraid of heights, are you?”

And Harry had said, “Of course not!” when in reality, he’d been looking for an opening to mention that very fear for the twenty minutes before, while you’d been climbing steadily uphill through the trees.

In his defense, there was no way he could’ve said anything different. You were just so happy, glowing with excitement and practically buzzing with energy. Plus, you’d grabbed his hand at the moment you asked to pull him up the last ridge and he was still a bit startled.

He never came to regret that lie. He grew out of the fear, anyway, so it wasn’t a huge deal. In fact, he’s almost come to love heights. He loves the thrill, the burst of happiness, the insane phenomenon of a racing heart and the feeling of being totally at peace all at the same time.

Incidentally, he also feels that way around you, whether the two of you are a hundred feet up or not. He’s always enjoyed spending time with you, and even just seeing you makes him happy. It’s what makes you a good friend.

Harry’s gone with you a few times to the outlook, but it’s usually pretty late by the time you want to go. Sometimes you’ll call him and he’ll pick up, and you’ll talk on the phone until one of you falls asleep.

You went last night, apparently, because Harry scrolls through seventy-two text messages this morning. It takes a while, since he reads all of them and then replies, but he woke up early anyway so it’s fine.

It’s Sunday, so he’s headed to the cafe to meet you. He has a cup of coffee even though he’ll get one at the cafe, too. There’s a sticky note on the coffee maker - Note to self: tell Harry there’s a snickers bar in his sweatshirt pocket - which you probably left a few days ago.

Harry smiles at the note, then frowns, sticking his hand in his pocket. There is, in fact, a Snickers bar in there, and Harry throws it out. It’s from almost a month ago, when you and him had an August Halloween. The sun is just a little too bright. Harry listens to music in the car, humming along and tapping his hands against the wheel in time.

You’re late, of course, so he orders his second cup of coffee and reads a newspaper on the shelf while he waits. Today it’s five minutes until you arrive, which is actually more on time than usual, and Harry throws you a large brimmed hat he found in his closet when you approach the table.

“What say you, Harry Styles,” you greet him, catching the hat and placing it on your head. “Make a jester laugh” - you form a heart with your fingers - “or make a jester cry?” Your heart cracks in two as you pout at him.

Breaking a finger-heart of his own, Harry grins. “Laughing clowns were always creepier to me,” he tells you. You trace a finger down your cheek like a tear and sit down across from him, sliding a menu from its place on the wall and beginning to read it over.

You look up at him, half smiling, a joke on your lips, and then -

Harry blinks.

Just like that, something’s changed.

You snap in front of his face. “Hello? Anything? You could at least pretend to laugh.”

“Christ, sorry,” Harry breathes. “What’d you say?”

Raising a brow, you lean forward and inspect him. “You alright, there, Styles?”

“If I were any better and it’d be obscene,” Harry answers easily, tapping your nose.

Grinning, you sit back. “Fantastic. Tell me, then, how it’s been. Fill me in.”

“It’s a lot better seeing you in that hat.”

“Oh, I forgot!” you exclaim, looking up at it.

Harry giggles and asks, “You wanna know what one hat said to the other?”

“Oh, boy.”

“I’ll see you on a-head!”

Groaning dramatically, you throw the hat at him and bury your face in your hands.

***

"This is getting embarrassing, Styles,” you say as you walk up to Harry.

He turns around, a smile already on his face, and begins, “What’s -”

He stops when he sees you, because you’re all dressed up. You look absolutely stunning, which was on purpose, because of course you want to see his reaction, whether he loves you or not. And it’s very satisfactory, this reaction.

“You look fantastic,” Harry says softly.

You clear your throat, a little put off by how serious he’s being. “That was the goal.”

His eyes float back up to meet yours, a small smile on his face. “Thank you for coming.”

“You’re welcome,” you chirp. “But don’t let your head get too big - I only came for the free food and movie.” Finally, the glaze over his eyes fades, and he grins at you. He takes your arm, and as you walk, he asks, “You started a thought, you know, about something embarrass-”

You scoff. “You asked me on a date, Styles!”

“I did not!” Harry insists. He shakes his head. “My date ducked out at the last second -”

Smirking, you cut in, “Wonder why, Mr. Pink Suit.”

“- we were going to match, thank you - but really, she ducked out, and I wasn’t about to waste two perfectly good tickets. Thus… here we are.” He nods, like he’s pleased with his answer, but you raise a brow at him. “That’s a terrible excuse. You can just say you love me. I’ll accept.”

You arrive at his car. “Not yet,” he says, and then he gets in.

He starts the car, and for a moment, you gaze out the window.

Then, breaking the silence, you say, “I like the suit.”

“I like the look.”

“Thanks, I came up with it all by myself.”

“Impressive.”

You wait a moment, and then ask, “What inspired the pink?”

“She said she wanted a pink rose.”

Frowning, you begin, “I thought you said pink roses are -”

“Yeah, they’re not my favorite,” he mumbles.

You snicker a little. “Oh, what a bad date in high school can get you…”

“Hey, don’t tease,” Harry whines with a pout.

“Sorry, sorry,” you murmur. “You’re nice to dress up anyway. No rose, though?”

Sheepishly, he tells you, “I… forgot.”

“You forgot?” you laugh.

“Yeah…”

“Well, um… well, it’s the thought that counts.”

Harry pulls into the parking lot and parks the car, then unlocks the doors. “Come on,” he says, but you frown at him, confused. “You know you pulled in the wrong way?” you ask, but he just beckons with his hand and opens the trunk.

You hadn’t even looked - there’s pillows back there, and candy, and blankets, and he flicks on little fairy lights. “Harry Styles, you romantic!” you gasp, enthralled. “Wow, I gotta meet this girl, if you’re doing all this for her…”

He sits down and pats the space next to him, then grabs a pack of candy - your favorite. He hands it to you, which you take with a slow smile. “Her favorite too?” you ask. “Nope,” Harry replies, shaking his head as he opens his own pack of candy. “Forgot to ask her, but when I called her in the store she wouldn’t pick up so I just… got yours.” He clears his throat and hands you a bag of popcorn. “There’s this, too.”

“Thanks, Styles.”

On the huge screen in front of you, the movie begins to roll. You take a risk, sliding a little on the seat so you’re leaning against Harry, head against his chest. You can feel him breathing, his heart beating, his arm around your waist, thumb gently moving back and forth over the fabric of your clothes.

You fall asleep for most of the movie.

When you wake up, you’re leaned against a pillow, not Harry. Frowning and out of sorts, you sit up and rub your eyes. He’s leaned against the car outside, on the phone, and you can just barely make out what he’s saying.

“... I know, it’s… Yeah, I - I’m sorry you couldn’t make it, love. I missed you…”

The familiar feeling of tears building behind your eyes horrifies you, and you have to turn your back to him as tears start slipping down your cheeks. You’d somehow managed to convince yourself that it was all a ruse, that he’d meant it to be you from the start, that there was no other girl, that all along it was -

“Hey,” Harry says.

You cough, palming away the tears on your face and yawning like you’d just woken up. “Oh, hey… How’s, um - how’s she doing? Or - whoever - I mean -” You squeeze your eyes shut, shaking your head. “Sorry,” you whisper.

“She’s fine,” Harry tells you. “How are you? Took a pretty long nap there…”

“Yeah,” you murmur. “I was… I’m tired.”

“C’mon, then, let’s get you home.” He smiles at you, dimpling adorably, and holds out his hand. You take it and slide off the back of his car. “Thanks,” you say. He nods and shuts the trunk while you get into the passenger seat.

You don’t say anything as he starts the car, as he backs out and heads for your place. He glances over at you, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel, and eventually turns on the radio. You fold up a sticky note and covertly slide it into the center console.

“I’ll see you Sunday,” you tell him when he stops the car.

He nods. “See you then.”

You hold his gaze for a second, and then get out of the car. As you’re shutting the door, Harry says, “Hey!” and you stop. “Hey, er - thank you. For coming tonight. I know it was a little… It was a bit much.”

“Not too much at all,” you say softly. “Bye, Harry.”

You shut the door.

***

The sticky note business began about a year after Harry met you. He’d mentioned something about refrigerator magnets being the most charming form of communication ever invented, and the next day he found a sticky note on his mirror that said, Note to self: find a more charming form of communication than refrigerator magnets.

Harry doesn’t find the sticky note in his console until the next night, when he’s driving home after working late and he’s trying to find his phone. It’s ringing, and it’s your ringtone, which is really, really annoying because you set it to the worst song you could think of so he’d be motivated to pick it up fast.

It’s not in the center console. It’s actually in his pocket. He picks it up.

“Harry, you gotta tell me now,” you say immediately. “Do you love me?”

“I -”

“Love or care, Styles.” You sound breathless. “L or C. Lover or Cunt. Tell me now.”

“Cunt,” Harry says reflexively, and then shakes his head. “I mean -”

“You don’t love me.” You don’t sound upset at all. You’re just clarifying.

Harry frowns. “I… What’s going on?”

“Well, I think I love this guy, Styles, and I’m about to fuck him, so I’ll talk to you later.”

And then you hang up.

Harry stares at his phone for a moment. Then he puts it down, frowning at the street in front of him, and thinks for a while until he gets home. When he does, he’s shutting the center console, which he’d left open, and he sees the little post it note.

Note to self: buy a pink rose for h to make him like them bc they’re pretty

Sitting in his car, staring at the note, Harry can’t help but think he’s messed it all up.

***

Sunday. You don’t show up.

***

Another Sunday. Harry orders a coffee and reads the newspaper.

You don’t show up.

***

You answer a text.

He asks if you’re okay, and you say, Yup!

***

You send a text.

Hey, Styles? Can you bring me a flower?

***

He should’ve gone to your place first, Harry’s thinking. He should’ve checked there, and then gone here. But it’s too late now. He’s stepping out of his car, trekking through the forest, and he’s finally here, and -

You’re on your back, staring at the stars.

“You know, I really thought he was the one.”

Harry bites on his lip and fiddles with the flower in his hands. “Did you?”

There’s a beat of silence. Then you sigh and sit up. “No.”

“He didn’t - you’re not… You’re okay, right?”

“Nothing’s broken but my heart,” you murmur. “Physically, I’m fine, emotionally, I’m…”

You fade off, and Harry sits next to you and hands you the flower.

“Yellow,” you whisper. You look up at him, eyes wide in the moonlight. “Why yellow?”

“Color of your shirt the first time I met you.”

Smiling, you murmur, “Memory of an elephant.”

“I couldn’t remember her favorite candy,” Harry says impulsively. He shuts his eyes, exhaling softly. “Sorry. Wrong thing to say.” You shake your head, looking forward again. “It’s fine. How’s she doing?”

“Wouldn’t know.”

Surprised, you glance at him again. “You mean you -?”

Harry shrugs. “She said my priorities weren’t right. Then she said goodbye.”

“We’re just a coupla broken hearted fools, aren’t we?” you say quietly.

“Broken hearted, yes,” Harry replies, “but I’m not a fool. Don’t know about you.”

You scoff, hitting his chest with the back of your hand. “We’re having a moment here!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Harry says, but he’s laughing so the apology is moot.

There’s a beat of silence, and then you say, “I would’ve known about her if I hadn’t missed all our Sundays. I’m sorry.” Harry shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. Did you have fun, at least? With Mr. Heartbreak?”

You giggle. “So much fun.”

“Well… that’s good, at least.”

He looks at you, really looks, and for a moment, he forgets himself.

You’re looking up at the stars, your head tilted up, your lips curved upwards in a smile.

Harry’s expression matches yours. It’s one of quiet awe, of happiness and joy and adoration. He’s smiling, too, but it’s not as conscious. It’s more reflexive, something he can’t help but do whenever he catches sight of this view. He’s not looking at the stars, though - his gaze is focused on you.

“Come on!” you exclaim suddenly, jumping up. “This is the perfect excuse to watch The Notebook again.” Harry blinks, standing up and following you back to his car. “You took the words right out of my mouth,” he says.

***

Ideally, on the anniversary of your meeting Harry, you’d both rent a hotel room and get drunk on the minibar, talking nonsense until morning, to properly reenact that first night together. Problem with that is that hotel rooms cost money.

So instead, you have a sleepover. Last year it was at your place, so this year it’s at his. The good thing about not being in a hotel is that you can buy normal size bottles of booze, rather than the teeny ones from the minibar.

He’s grabbing everything from the kitchen while you’re queueing up the movie on the TV in his room. It’s not cooperating, though, and you’re rooting through all the wires in the back to try and find something that’s supposed to be connected.

“Harry, if you don’t get in here this second!” you shout at him.

“Did you get the other remote?” he shouts back.

You groan and whine, “Just come in here!”

“I haven’t gotten everything yet! Look for the second remote. It’s in one of the drawers.”

“Which drawers?” you yell.

He doesn’t reply.

So you ruffle through the drawers closest to the TV. Books, papers, chargers. No remotes. You go further and find his record collection. A few photo albums. You stick a sticky note on the top one that says, Note to self: go through these. There’s more books. A few DVDs.

And then - a folder. It has a yellow flower on it.

Frowning, you glance at the door behind you and then flip it open. What must be a hundred post it notes fall out. Your jaw drops, just slightly, because they’re all from you. Every sticky note you’ve ever left him is in this folder. He kept them all.

“Did you find it?” Harry shouts.

You ask, “Find what?” but your voice is too soft and he doesn’t hear you.

He shouts your name again, and you quickly shove the folder back where you got it. You clear your throat, then yell, “Harry, I can’t find it!” Finally, he comes in, arms full of food and drink, and tugs open the top drawer on his bedside table with his foot.

And there it is.

“Have I got to do everything around here or what?” he jokes.

You give him a laugh and set up the TV, which works just fine now that you have the right tools. Harry sets everything down and puts his hands on his hips, raising a brow at you. “You alright?” he asks.

“Yeah, fine,” you tell him. “Just grew a few white hairs waiting for you to come back.”

He sticks his tongue out and tosses a bag of chips at you. “Ha, ha, very funny.”

Finally, the movie’s set up, and you lean against his bed, sighing in contentment as the opening credits start to play. Harry hands you a glass and holds his own out, which you knock against your own. “Cheers, Styles,” you say. “To five years.”

“And counting.”

Grinning, you drink up and then settle back to watch the film.

***

His voice is thick.

Like honey.

It drips off his tongue, catches on his lips, slides down the column of his throat and glistens in the dim light. It’s rich. Deep. It turns to crystal in the cool air around you as his words fade off. You want to reach out and feel it on your fingers, want to taste it on your tongue, want to feel it slide over your lips, down your throat…

“... and then, suddenly, I was flying out the window with the worst pain I’ve ever -”

“Harry,” you interrupt with a giggle, “this is the third time you’ve told this story tonight.”

“It’s a good story!”

“Lemme see,” you say, crawling forward, and you’re on his lap now but you can’t really bring yourself to care because this is for scientific purposes. Harry grins and puts his hands on your waist and you giggle again and put your fingers on his jaw. “Lemme see your tongue.”

“Wanna see it or touch it?”

You smirk and reply, “How ‘bout lick it?”

“That’s gross!” Harry exclaims with a delighted laugh.

“I know!” you exclaim back, equally delighted.

“It’s broken,” Harry says, but he’s opening his mouth so it comes out all warbled. “I’m broken, you know -” You peer at his tongue, but it doesn’t look very broken. “No, you’re not,” you tell him.

“On the inside,” Harry says, pouting at you.

You laugh and wrap your arms around his neck, nestling your head on his shoulder in a hug. “You’re warm,” you say, “that’s what you are.” Harry nods against you, running his hands up and down your back. “You fix me,” he slurs into your neck.

“That’s so romantic!” you giggle.

You sit there for a second, breathing him in, feeling happy, and then suddenly -

“I’m roasting,” Harry says, and it’s morning.

“I’m so hot,” you groan, “and my head hurts so bad…”

Harry grunts and pushes against you. “Get off me.”

You open your eyes, squinting in the sunlight, and fall off of him and onto the floor.

He stands up, moaning and groaning, and walks out. You may have fallen asleep again because when he comes back in and hands you a glass of water and some medicine you’re blinking back awake. “Thanks,” you mumble, downing both.

“That was something,” Harry says.

“Something for sure,” you say.

“I can’t move,” Harry says.

“Me neither.”

So you don’t. The day drags on, and when you’re both coherent enough for food you go to the kitchen. Harry cooks something up, and you eat it, sitting next to him at the kitchen island. You feel his foot against yours, and you play a half-delirious game of footsie as you finish eating.

Once you’re all done, Harry stands up and starts to wash the dishes. You watch him, watch his back and his arms and the way he moves, and stand up and stand next to him, grabbing a dish towel and holding out your hand. He hands you the plate, and you dry it.

It’s comfortable, the silence, and it’s more than peaceful, standing there drying dishes with Harry in the early afternoon. There aren’t many dishes, but you both take your time, and eventually he breaks the silence and the productivity to put on some music.

And then, suddenly, you’re dancing, a smile on your face that you can’t seem to get rid of curving your lips as you float around the kitchen with him. He’s bopping along to the song, hand in yours, dish towel over his shoulder after he stole it from you.

The dancing carries you to the living room, where he twirls you out so you can collapse onto the couch. He does the same, and you put your feet on his lap, head on the armrest, looking at him.

“You’re staring,” he says.

“You’re in front of me.”

“Excuses, excuses.”

You raise a brow, smiling and still holding his gaze, and then sit up. “Staring contest, go.”

Instantly, he blinks, and you laugh, “Fuck’s sake.”

“No, no, again,” he demands, grinning, and he blinks quickly a few times before declaring, “Go.” The staring begins. Your eyes begin to sting, and you bite your lip, trying to keep your eyes open.

“We should watch Bird Box,” Harry whispers.

“Saw it last week.”

“I saw it,” he corrects. “You hid behind your hands the entire time.”

“You were the one screaming like a baby.”

“I prefer rom-coms, you know that.”

“Sometimes you need a little variety in life.”

“I lost the bet.”

You blink.

“Victory,” Harry says, a bit weakly, blinking too.

Your brows furrow. “What?”

“Victory,” Harry repeats, smiling sheepishly.

“No, no, before that,” you insist, shaking your head.

“I lost the bet,” Harry repeats softly.

You swallow thickly. “What bet?”

Harry bites his lip, concentrating, and then stands up and walks away. You scoff, following him, and ask again. “What bet?” He shakes his head, quiet, and opens his refrigerator, looking for something.

“Harry, for the love of -”

He holds out a kiss. A chocolate kiss.

Your eyes widen.

He steps closer, holding the kiss out on his palm. “I lost the bet,” he says. “I fell in love with you.” Your breath catches in your throat. “I don’t know if you feel the same,” he goes on, “so I… I don’t want to kiss you. I mean - I do, but -”

He holds the kiss closer to you. “I lost,” he finishes quietly.

You can’t find the right words.

So instead, you close the distance and kiss him.

The chocolate kiss falls to the floor, and fireworks erupt behind your eyelids.

After a moment, the words come.

And then, when you pull away for a moment, you both speak at the same time -

“I love you.”

Laughter bubbles from your lips, and Harry grins, kissing you again.

“So I guess I didn’t lose after all,” he murmurs.

You smile against his lips. “Let’s call it a tie.”

***

AHHHH there it is!!!! i actually did write this in like . two days . which was ! great haha but i hope u liked it!!!! if u did, feedback and a reblog would be much appreciated 💜

thanks for reading!

masterlist | ask

[maschotch]

Your tags are always great, but the one where you mentioned Hotch cheating on Haley being a thing you just can't see - I love you for that. I get that people are entitled to their own interpretations but that's one I've always struggled to see - how do you see a guy who admits to planning to 'confront' his father (who he clearly dislikes) for cheating on his mother (and see how, while their marriage definitely had Problems, he did clearly still love Haley even after the divorce) and go, yeah that seems like a guy who'd totally cheat on his wife.

EXACTLY

like its one thing for reader inserts or whatever bc they'll write for the situation first for the character second so live ur life write ur smut im happy 4 u enjoy ur kinks have fun

but for people's actual headcanons about the character?? again--people are entitled to their own opinions--but im also allowed to call you wrong aksjdhfglksh like i just completely disagree. its just something that really says a lot about what kind of character he is, and if you think he'd do something like that, we're not even looking at the same character anymore. for him to do something like that is so fundamentally contradictory to who i see him as. thats the kind of stuff that will make me look away and just not engage bc its just someone completely different from the character i care about so much. its easier for all of us if we just dont interact bc our perspectives are like oil and water--we'll just never agree bc we view the core of his character in ways that are worlds apart

there are a lot of different interpretations i do like! of course i have my own preferences. and its easier for me personally to focus on one linear (or two similar) story for him just for consistency's sake. i think he's not telling the whole truth in that ashes and dust scene you mentioned, i have my whole intricate backstory created for him, i think hotch and haley loved each other but i think they did the right thing getting a divorce and that both of them deserve to move on and find their own happiness.

that being said, i love seeing people explore different possibilities. we've gotten so much and so little about hotch's childhood that there are a million ways we can put the pieces together, and it's fascinating to see what others come up with. some people like the idea of hotch and haley as this tragic romance: soulmates who never got to see the end of their journey. there are endless possibilities on what hotch's family was like growing up and what those early relationships were like for him, and each one inspires me to look at things a different way and tweak my own perspective. there are some really creative and beautiful takes people have on who hotch is and it's so so interesting to hear about unique interpretations

i dont want to come across as someone who only cares about their own ideas. i mean i think im right aksjdhglas not gonna deny that but i never want to minimize the value of different viewpoints or discredit someone's opinion. there are just levels to the way i may disagree: i can appreciate a headcanon that differs from my own, i can enjoy someone else's story and try to incorporate my favorite aspects into my own, and i can ignore ones i flat out disagree with. its okay to have different opinions, but its just as acceptable to disengage from interpretations that you don't like. especially for something as insignificant as headcanons for a character on a serial cop show that ended X years ago

[cadykeus-clay]

i would low key love to hear your tangent about the differences there are between how VM and TM9 react with the world

ah, the perfect excuse for me to put off my 30 page reading, thank you :3

(i’m also going to preface this by saying most of this is stuff i’ve picked from other people’s various metas and i absolutely do not remember who those authors might be so i apologize jsdlkfsd)

....

but uh ... basically i feel like vox machina and the nein have a completely opposite standard for how they interact with the people the consider to be their “inner circle” vs. everyone who doesn’t qualify as that. 

vm is a group of individuals who, overall, had one cruel person that slighted them but didn’t really destroy their faith in humanity. (their faith in themselves is a whole different horse. that ones .... woof. looking at you percy scanlan tary keyleth.) Percy had the briarwoods, Grog had Kevdak, the twins and tary had their father. so, the way that they interact with just random people that they meet is - with exceptions of course - amicable, or at the very least, respectably polite. 

they’re the saviours of emon, the freers of whitestone. they have festivals held in their honor. they have kid fans and random farmers knocking on their doorstep for aid because they’ve heard tales of the kindness. sure, vex can be a hassle when she’s haggling down a price, and keyleth tends to poke buttons in way that gets her arrested a fair amount of the time, but at the end of the day they’re the people’s heroes, and they’re happy to be that!

their inner circle, however, is much more closely guarded. they have a few chosen allies (gilmore, allura, kima, kash and zahra, cassandra) and that’s it. They’re hesitant with anyone else trying to creep into their personal fold. Hell, it took beating up tary and him breaking down sobbing for them to even consider liking him. they’ve been burned by raishan and clarota and hotis, by individuals they let in and who then stabbed them in the back. they’ll do almost any favor for a stranger who asks, but they’ll be damned if they trust anyone to actually join their midst. vox machina is vox machina is vox machina and that’s incredibly hard to change. 

the nein, on the other hand, are fundamentally a group of rejects. some of them have specific people they can point a finger at and say “i hate you”, but those problems stem from a greater societal rejection. beau has daddy issues, but she also felt rejected by the entire cobalt soul until dairon found her. caleb has trent’s fucked up shit, but he also has this constant pressure of having failed his entire country, not to mention the faceless hate piled up on him from living homeless for a year. jester’s whole deal is that she had to hide from LITERALLY ALL OF SOCIETY for her entire childhood because she wasn’t supposed to exist.

and so, the nein are shitheads to society right back. they’re mean to random barkeeps, they trash their inns and don’t say sorry, they mock most NPCs behind their back (or sometimes right to their face. @ marius).  Every favor asked of them comes with a ton of deliberation and arguing about whether its bait or not (ie bowlgate, the giants in the mine outside rosohna, essiks “favors”). 

but, on the flip side, they’re willing to tug just about anyone into their ranks. if society already hates them by default, what’s there to lose if they get close to someone? nothing, there’s only more love to be found! so it’s adopting random bird girls on the road, its sending cupcakes to a hag that cursed your friend, its sending messages to everyone you’ve ever met just to check in, it’s making someone sit in the hot tub with you and share trauma and then when you find out he started a war you say “we get it bro” and kiss him on the forehead. it’s “welcome to the mighty nein”. 

and it’s also very interesting, i think, to talk about the ways in which the party interacts with themselves. vox machina was a family, undoubtedly, as is the nein now. but vox machina ... had a lack of desperation to their attachment. i mean for one, they took a full year off from adventuring together and scattered cross continent. even if the nein gets down time like they did, i expect they’ll just trail each other around like lemmings. (its kind of what they’ve been doing from hiatus until now with the eiselcross arc starting). 

but vox machina just ... went. and scanlan walked away from the party and (after the heat of the moment), they agreed to just let him be. and pike would spend weeks on quests for sarenrae without much of a complaint. even at the end - and this will be a controversial take, i know - but they let vax go pretty easily. (sure, mechanically they were wiped from fighting, but besides tears the only attempt to defy trq was from percy, which even he gave up on with minimal struggle because vax said to stop it). that’s not to say they don’t miss each other when they’re gone! of course they do!!! but they trust each other to go off into the world, because the world as whole is a place they trust. 

(the one exception to this might be vex, who fought every one of these situations adamantly, but that’s a whole separate essay about her issues stemming from an innate sense of ‘failed family’ that she’s desperate to not repeat, and less about a mistrust of everyone until proven otherwise)

the nein on the other hand. hoo boy. they’ve been hot glued to each other’s hips since day one. So many quotes (many from beau, which could be worked into my previous vex essay, as they’re very much cross-campaign foils. getting sidetracked again) are about their inability to separate. “You don’t get to choose who cares about you”; “No one goes”; “If one of us is gone for more than 7 days assume we’re dead and have a funeral”; “Do we have co-dependecy issues?” Jester’s cool personal vacation to her god’s get together turned into a party with everyone because why would she go anywhere without the nein? Veth’s time with Luc and/or Yeza is constantly overrun with the rest of the nein dropping in for fun. Even small things like shopping trips are so much more “oh well if you’re going then i’ll go” snowballs than they ever were with vm. 

Also, ashley’s absences had to be much more forceful than in c1. Post episode 11, the only time yasha left the group (rather than someone else piloting her) of her own free will was when she ran in grief from molly’s grave. And yes, there’s something to be said about “oh they were on a boat for a long time she had nowhere to go” but if Matt can justify astral projection pike, i feel like he could justify ‘the stormlord teleports yasha away for a bit’ and he chose not to. 

Because!!!!!!!!! of the dynamic that the nein has!!!!!!!! Because of this idea that the world is bad and cold and full of hate and in here in our little hut (soon to be mansion??????) it’s safe and good and full of love and no one can leave because then you’d be going somewhere much more dangerous and we can’t have that, now can we? 

.....

well uh. that’s a lot of words. i hope they made some sense??? and were at all what you were expecting???? thank u for sending the ask tho this was very fun to write!!

tldr: vox machina is a group of people who were betrayed by one bad figure, so they trust the world and are wary of the individual; whereas the nein is a group of people who were failed by the world at large so they welcome the loner and fear the pack. 

[mallowstep]

In your post about tigerstar and the half clan thing you said that he could control leopardstar through stonefur and mudfur through not being able to help featherpaw- do you mean he controls leopardstar by having stonefur killed? Obviously he didn’t actually die but you know.

this post

yeah basically.

okay so like, here's just. to establish what happens:

(1) tigerstar puts riverclan's deputy in jail (2) tigerstar kills riverclan's deputy (3) tigerstar doesn't let leopardstar appoint a new deputy

and since we're talking about my own au here i don't gotta couch for canon. so i've mentioned this before but riverclan's deputy is. important to the clan. all the deputies are to all the clans, but riverclan's leader and deputy are supposed to...balance each other out. correct weaknesses.

(that's why leopardstar picks mistyfoot, and it's why mistyfoot agrees.)

and stonefur and leopardstar did this very well. leopardstar was prideful, arrogant, but generally actually uninterested in war. stonefur was a lot quieter, but also a lot more aggressive. he was also willing to call her on her bullshit.

so. losing stonefur hurts riverclan deeply. they're not happy about it. riverclan doesn't even have like. riverclan wouldn't view stonefur as disloyal by blood because his mother was riverclan (adoptive, which is what matters), he has some riverclan blood (and could easily prove himself as belonging anyway), and he was raised in riverclan his whole life.

yes he's Technically half clan but riverclan doesn't really care about that.

so that tigerstar killed him, the way he did, and didn't let leopardstar appoint a new deputy, basically means he's in control of one of the most fundamental power structures in the clans.

(not to mention he takes her den. while we're on terrible tigerstar things. that's pretty damn symbolic. i told u everything is symbolism.

also stonefur and leopardstar were very close. besties. god. the Angst.)

it's not that he's actively controlling leopardstar here, the way he's controlling mistyfoot and mudfur. he's proven that he doesn't need to. that leopardstar defers to him.

and leopardstar is riverclan, so riverclan defers to him.

haven't figured out exactly what's going through leopardstar's head during tigerclan times. or where she's sleeping? i need to answer that question at some point. but.

haven't figured out Exactly what's going through her head but (a) losing stonefur does really, really hurt her. yeah ik ur all mad that she let him die which is valid, but that doesn't mean she's not losing one of her closest and oldest friends, and she can't even grieve properly.

and (b) i've said it and i'll say it, riverclan is outnumbered by shadowclan by a lot. what can leopardstar actually, honestly do here. she's made her nest, now she needs to lie in it.

like leopardstar is the leader of riverclan and it's very fucked up but ik one thing going through her head is, "if i try to save featherpaw and mistyfoot, i might lose my whole clan."

(because much like how tigerstar punishes mistyfoot by using featherpaw as a proxy, he can't directly attack leopardstar. riverclan might be outnumbered, but attacking a leader like that is pretty horrific.

so he'd have to punish her indirectly. like, say, other riverclan cats.)

anyway. so yes, it's his actions with the role of deputy as a whole for riverclan that he uses as a control tactic for leopardstar. and leopardstar is symbolic of riverclan. there's a lot of symbolism going on in-universe and out of universe symbolism isn't usually my thing but. hm. feathertail's injuries.

<3

[crazygaysex]

incomprehensible conjecture and rambling about sunny/rcg under the cut! idk man I got 1 hour of sleep in the past 24 or wataver and my brain is an abandoned swamp Good Nigte

i certainly am not arguing that mac Absolutely Isnt a stereotype of a predatory gay man/self-hating homophobe or whatevr. i wont argue the homophobe one at all really,not great even if they rectified it and further tried to make up for it or whatever w mac finds his pride (which i love, regardless). but honestly i dont think the predatory complaint really makes a whole lot of legitimate sense considering every charatcer on the show is Extremely predatory in their own right. if he wasnt i’d be irritated to be honest. i do agree w wat mcelhenney said something like that its cool that they decided to acknowledge he was gay without changing him fundamentally as a person; he still needs to fit into the show or watever. like idk he’s not Ideal Gay Rep ofc but he’s awesome still. To Me. I like when character’s sexuality can be an improtant acknowledged facet of them but doesnt overtake the rest of te narrative! It never occurred to me that his behavior toward dennis would be seen as predatory ina stereotypical way seeing as how their relationship dynamic is so fckign bizarre. charlie has the same level of dogged cluelessness about the obj of his affection’s true feelings, so it didnt occur to me to see mac touching dennis’ knee or stuff of that variety as being any different ig or as making fun of queers or watevr. if i am wrong/misunderstanding i apologize. i have never considered mac from that perspective before.

honestly i kinda get the complaints. i’ve never rly thought rcg all have 10000% pure intentions with the insensitive kind of humor they are into, no matter their loophole justifications for shit. sometimes i almost believe their reasoning and do basically understand but it still seems flimsy when you considers stuff like the blackface stuff which is indeed kind of funny at times mainly bc the joke is the absurdity of it all, like mac in the shower with the brown dripping off him like he’s melting; it’s not funny at the expense of black ppl but more so at the expense of how goddam stupid and unaware mac is. i havent seen the blackface/brownface ones in years sos i dont have a whole lot to say excepe they seemed to be clearly against using blackface as the moral while still using it to get laughs. so. really honestly i don’t know that it’s Liderally Ever edgy white people’s call to use something like blackface regardless of context, regardless of their obvious intent? i dunno i have tried to find Black ppls opinions online a couple times but struggled to find any tangible results. the only other thing i have to say with ym white person words is that i think it’s stupid that the streamig companies take down all insensitive episodes like theyre trying to brush them under the rug and pretend it never happened in wake of a changing political climate. i get it, but kinda just seems like corporate scrambling ie disney getting ridof all of song of the south but still profiting from splash mountain eprhaps. something seems dodgy to me about pretending it doesnt exist anymore just to cover their asses. i understand the sentiment i guess but i dont think that’s really the main goal of the BLM movement, to purge streaming services of any questionable/racially insensitive/Fully Racist material; there’s surely more important things at the top of the lists besids Good Branding . im not sure if that makes sense

also a lot of episodes the joke is the blatant but somehow woefully oblivious homoerotic overtones present between the guys, like a Lot of the time. it is very funny though is the thing and a lot of thm are my favorites. i dunno. i also thought hte pooping transgender bit was pretty funny mainly cause it was absurd. i think maybe because i have my own what i think are reaosnable and empathetic views about certain stuff like queer shit it doesnt necessarily occur to me that they are trying to make fun of queer people.. like people make fun of conservative fans for having completely missed the point of it all being satire, and wat if i am being tricked to into assuming rcg has kind intentions and isnt trying to make fun of queer people just cause the thought didnt occur to me? instead of taking all the gay subtext serious- WHICh i Do, i should probably be more aware that to rcg it is just a bit and not really that deep. but mac and dennis were totally fucjing in s5 canonically. anwyays like aside from the carmen shit which is handled So Fuckign Bad and it makes me so upset cause i actually love carmen they were just very clearly not bothered with actually representing trans people accurately. so in the bathroom one if even fuckin dee reynolds is like, saying a trans woman in a woman’s bathroom is obviously normal.. it seems like they’d rectified some of their previous Very flawed rhetoric surrounding trans women (ie the whole “u slept with me when i was still a man” line. makes me cringe a bit ebery time)u get wat i mean?? not that it atones for it obviously. i love carmen she desreved better

butreallt i dont have any like. Pure Faith in rcg to be super accountable or honest about their intentions or to have the most accurate or agreeable beliefs or whataver. theyre just fucking about really because they can without any lashback. and people i think like being able to laugh at offensive shit thru scenarios which supposedly distance you from bigots/evil people and make u feel better about yourself watching these dumbass evil people talk slime. when like. glenn yelling supposedly arabic-sounding gibberish for example: it is funny in this context not just cause it’s wildly inappropriate and absurd but also because there’s prob significant amt of people who actually dont have an issue with it who could watch it and not have that takeaway whatsoever. i dont kno wt im talking about anymore btu honestly if youre trying to watch a show that isnt rife throughout with controversial/offensive/insensitive language and story beats, i dont know why you would try to stomach it with sunny. like for gods sake they used blackface more than once! i dunno man

[pocket-void]

Some Stuff About Marcus Pt.1

Alright, I’m finally gonna talk about Marcus in more depth for a lil bit because honestly the more I think about him the more I want to talk about him. So I’m gonna do just that! Both for fun and to get some stuff out of my creative system. ^///^

So let’s start with the man himself, shall we?

Marcus

Marcus is my personal version of the mysterious Orange side, and he’s more of an OC than a theory and I just really enjoy talking about him sometimes. So I do! I talk more about what he represents in this post (there’s also other miscellaneous scraps of info about him in the orange side tag), this one is gonna focus more on his exact relationship with each of the other sides (I always welcome more specific asks if you ever wanna know anything else! Since I’m very rambly and believe me when I say that I have answers to basically everything >///<). These are longer than I thought so I’m splitting it up...but if you’re still here, then strap in folks! u///u

Roman

Marcus doesn’t dislike Roman, but he’s not a big fan of him either. Theoretically they could have a better relationship but it’s hindered by a perception of Marcus that someone else had set a long time ago. (We’ll get to that)

One of the bigger reasons why Marcus and Roman don’t quite get along is simply due to their completely opposite levels of self respect. Roman is insecure and often unsure about his accomplishments and how others feel about him, while Marcus is too sure about his skills and how others perceive him. There are clear flaws to both.

In Marcus’ case, it’s made him incredibly stubborn and bitter as a result of being seen as a problem and not being able to do anything. It’s very difficult to convince him he’s wrong, and while he’s not dumb enough to think he’s right about everything, he gets more aggressive than necessary in the face of opposition at times. But more than anything Marcus is honest. He’s blunt and isn’t afraid of just stating how he feels to people, and Roman’s reluctance to do so really bugs him at times. In fact, he’s sometimes angry for him.

The fact that simple phrases can shatter Roman’s entire ego drives Marcus up walls, because if he were in his position he’d probably deck someone in the face right then and there. Being insulted? Getting what he fears most spat at him like venom? Marcus would never stand for that. Beyond that he’s also mad for the people who care about Roman. Why can’t he believe them? Can’t he see how much he’s cared about? How worried people are? Does he really? Marcus thinks that distrust and insecurity feels like an insult to them.

The thing about Marcus is that he’s been through being branded bad and evil. He’s still the bad guy in a couple of ways. He’ll play the bad guy if he has to. He’s over it, though not quite over it as he’d like to be... In a way, he’s also envious of Roman. Roman is important. The others do actually love him. And deep down, Marcus also respects the things he does and doesn’t want him to be crippled by his self doubt because what the two have in common is passion. A drive and determination to do the things they want, and to achieve the goals they aim for. It’s just a shame that their relationship is soured by their general perceptions of each other.

Marcus also just isn’t big on theatrics, but that’s because he uh, can’t see. He likes to make fun of Roman just like anybody else in casual conversation and only ever refers to him as “Red”, “Princey”, or on occasion “Ruby”. He jokingly takes Roman’s threats seriously when they quip, and while they never actually get into fights, Roman is aware that Marcus will actually throw down.

At the end of the day, Marcus wants Roman to consider himself his own hero. He doesn’t understand Roman’s need to keep up an image because he’s never had an image to live up to, let alone anyone who'd look to him for inspiration. Whether Roman likes him or not doesn’t really matter to him, he doesn’t care about people who’ve made up their minds about him and are too set in certain ways of thinking.

Which is hypocrisy at its finest, but we’re not there yet.

Janus

Right off the bat, they do not get along. Which you might find kind of odd, considering they’re both under the umbrella of “dark side”. The truth is, they’re tentative colleagues at best. Hilariously Logan probably gets along with Janus better than Marcus does, and there are a couple very fair reasons behind this.

On the one hand, they both agree on doing things for the “self” (Which in their case is c!Thomas). They both agree that the self should be the most important person in one’s life, and will do whatever it takes to protect it. However, the biggest difference between them is the methods they go about doing so. And it’s here that Marcus’ righteous anger often clashes harshly with Janus’ need for self preservation. Marcus doesn’t lie, he doesn’t see the need to. If he wants something, he’ll do it. If he believes something, he’ll say it. He does it because he knows he’s right, and that’s what matters. Obviously this would cause a lot of problems in real life if you actually are that blunt 24/7, and in those cases Janus has to reign him in quite a bit.

Marcus is fundamentally reckless, brash, and prone to getting carried away if not kept in check, which makes him kind of a danger to Thomas’ wellbeing at times. The thing is, both of them are aware of this. Which is actually why Marcus isn’t as spiteful about stepping down as he could be. He knows that he can do more harm than good if he ever steps out of bounds. This won’t stop him from feeling like his input would infinitely accelerate certain debates, and on a personal level he does still feel like he has the right to fight for that recognition, but he doesn’t because he’s not dumb enough to actively cause harm to others for the sake of himself. It’s not what he wants. What he will and often does do however, is do things that end with him getting hurt in the end. Maybe the reason he disagrees with Janus so much is because his own sense of self preservation is surprisingly poor.

A mildly exaggerated analogy I like to think about is that: If under any circumstance the two of them would have to plot revenge, Janus would focus more on personal safety and Marcus would focus more on personal vindication. Marcus has zero qualms about actually throwing hands, no matter the resulting physical consequence (If his scars were any indication) which Janus would 100% be against. Imagine the consequences of a physical confrontation! Absolutely not. Snake man would prefer more subtle and manipulative tactics, and would probably prefer to frame someone without being implicated himself if possible. They usually compromise, but always butt heads one way or another.

In casual conversation, Marcus is more snarky to Janus than anything. They trade sarcastic remarks often and tend to be a lil snippy, but they often agree on similar points? But also insist that they don’t get along, which is pretty funny. Marcus calls Janus “Yellow” or “Snake”, and sometimes a few yellow flower names like “Tansy” or “Marigold”.

Remus

Would it come as a surprise if I said these two actually get along ok? Think about it: They’re both blunt, forthcoming with their ideas (As wild as Remus’ are), and are at times prone to violence. They’re both seen as “bad” and both have experienced being forcefully repressed one way or another. They kind of just vibe on a similar plane of existence if I’m honest with you. More than that however, both are relatively accepting of themselves, Remus more so than Marcus actually. There are some things Orange unfortunately still has to come to terms with.

On a casual level, they probably can do some pretty reckless and dumb things together. Marcus respects anybody with self confidence really, and the way Remus just owns being the garbage man he is definitely gets a pass in his book. It doesn’t mean they never disagree though. In a lot of ways, Marcus is still tied to logic, and Remus’ chaotic nature isn’t always suited to how he works. They conflict the most when it’s time to put the chips down and actually get things done. Remus totally does his best to bug the hell out of him too, much to his chagrin. He makes it pretty clear how he feels about it, but the duke isn’t fazed. Tackle the blind man, he dares you.

Marcus isn’t exactly good with creative input, it’s not his function. In fact, he himself is actually locked in a very specific type of world view from his experiences over the years. It’s not intentional, he just tends to grow irrational when he gets too heated. Sometimes he forgets to take his hand out of the fires that burn him, and it inevitably comes at a detriment to himself. Remus has the capacity to make him incredibly furious under bad circumstances, and if they aren’t careful he might actually act upon dangerous suggestions that Remus just casually suggests. If Remus is the voice behind intrusive thoughts, Marcus is the impulse that actually acts upon them. He won’t, obviously, but spite and anger can push people to do rash things. They both know better than that of course, but it’s a possibility that will never go away.

Marcus calls Remus “Green”, though he also refers to him by odd green things sometimes like “moss” or “seaweed”. I like to imagine the two of them going off and smashing up random things to blow off steam/just for fun. But that’s just me. u///u

---

If you’re still reading then thank you??? This is honestly more self indulgent than anything, but I just have way too much stuff I could talk about and it needs to go somewhere akjbefkaefk.

I shall talk about the rest in Part 2 perhaps. o///o

[karamazovdmitri]

Ive noticed people seem to admire ivan a lot and when they say “oh i relate to him” its their inner desire to find themselves in him somehow, to have his depth and complex world.

Remember in the beginning of the book ivan was more passive and wasnt introduced like the other two brothers were. He was the typical smart guy whos edgy and serious and all. And thats it until later on in the book. “See, i dont seem like much neither however i am complex like he is too. I am more than what i seem to be/what people give me credit for.”

But he is actually the hardest person to relate to. Like sure you can support his opinions and all, but ive seen people who say “oh im just like ivan” and arent but hes who they want to be. Its very interesting. He is really unique.

Also he deserved much better than katya

hey anon first of all thank you for the ask!! second of all............ im gonna say it from the get-go, im not sure im entirely with you here but lets talk.

so first of all, i definitely agree that ivan is the most lowkey of the brothers when first introduced, ive talked about that before and ive also joked about dostoevsky perfectly illustrating middle child syndrome there lmao so im on board with you, not the biggest impression at first, but he comes back and makes up for it big time in my opinion (ive said it before but despite him not being my favorite character, a lot of my favorite chapters of the book are ivan-centric ones) and i have to say... i cant bring myself to agree with the portrait you paint of him. sure i have called him edgy and whatnot before, and joke about it, but to me its more of a persona, an image? he might look smart and edgy, but i think once you’ve gone through pro and contra, it’s really hard to still pin him down as that. he’s not being your typical idk reddit atheist or whatever, im not gonna get into that specifically but returning the ticket etc etc, he has some fundamental moral disagreements that make him imo, the opposite of edgy. one of his big arguments is that if suffering is necessary thats one thing, but why have children be a part in it? he goes on so much about how its unacceptable for him that children must suffer, that they are not only allowed to suffer, but that they have to, and you know how it goes theres more than one chapter centering around that. and like to me, someone who cares so deeply about something like that i just cant in 100% good faith call edgy. there’s also the quote where he talks about how the sticky little leaves and the blue sky are so dear to him, and he literally says “i will be drunk with my own tenderness” and i just think.... if after that chapter you still think of ivan as a cold, serious, edgelord type, you really should reread it, because ivan is so deeply caring and human, and i think book V really is the turning point in showing us that. ANYWAY lmao that went on a bit longer than planned but i just believe that like... it’s really easy to misread ivan, while after all he is simply 23 years old and confused and desperately searching for answers, and answers that will stand his moral test. unlike his brother, he can’t just thrive off faith, despite the fact that personally i feel like he wishes he could, but that’s where you get more of the “rational” mind feel to him, but that doesnt make him all edge and no point.

as for if he’s easy or not to relate to..... personally i cannot dictate that. ive said lately that being 23 myself, the passages on youth and youth carrying you through everything but feeling like it might all come crashing down in your thirties is extremely relatable to me. as someone who has some gripes with my own faith, some of his questionings are very relatable. and people can relate to his personality too, personally i do not as much, and being the first born of 3 siblings, i cannot relate to the middle child thing he has going on either, but im sure some people can. there’s many ways to relate to a character. that being said i do agree that maybe some people say theyre just like him while they want to be like him, im not doubting that this exists so yeah i’ll give that to you, but i dont think its necessarily bad. i think you can be like Oh i relate to his mindset, to this situation of his, and kinda. hope to absorb through osmosis what he does lmao

anyway not to drag this on forever, but at the end of the day i just think, ivan is SO much more than just an intellectual with his complex little opinion. just like his brothers, he has scars from a tumultuous childhood and the thing that plagues them all, which is: are you doomed to be a karamazov, is there no escape to it? he might seem externally more stable, but i think the more the book goes on the clearer it gets. ivan is not an entirely rational being, he IS very complex and deep for sure, and to me he’s also deeply human, with questions that i think a lot of people found themselves asking as well, and yeah idk how somehow along the way this became the Defending Ivan Karamazov Manifesto lmao but as i say.... just because i dont personally mention him as often as the other two, i still have so much deep love for him. also as for your last statement i honestly wont get into it because thats kinda besides the point and im still finding myself picking at ivan and katya’s relationship in each of my rereads i will say that it is a fascinating one to me though

SO? sorry i went on for SO LONG lmao i didnt plan on to but here we are, and i just want to say, this is really not to be read with a hostile tone or anything i think everyone can have their interpretation of the character but personally i just find it a little reductive to say he has nothing going on for him (”thats it”) while he has some of the most memorable and thought-inducing chapters imo, but yeah if i didnt scare you away youre always free to come back i just love discussing that book!!! and thank u again for the ask it was nice to get to talk about ivan for once lmao

[plusultratm]

NSFW Headcanons [ Drink you Sober playing in the distance ]

Waiting for promps? Not in this neighborhood, we got no chill. Rosario’s got no chill, and The Pink Lady wanting some featuring time in y’all’s dashboard, so here they are... Never mind that they’re late, they’re here. Things might be elaborated on later on, cheers.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Rosario enjoys being affectionate whenever possible; aka when she’s slept with someone she cares about, or that she feels would like it. She can usually tell through the time spent in the act, and she’ll deliver without them having to ask. If her partner falls asleep, she might feel inclined to rest by their side, help along with their slumber by running her fingers through their hair or along their sides, humming softly, and of course allow them to cuddle up to her and hold her.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

She loves her chest. She wasn’t as big of a fan when she was younger but she has come to like it a lot. Her clothes aren’t too revealing but it’s clear she knows it’s one of her best assets and she’s not embarrassed by it. In her partners she enjoys hands a lot. Had her husband, Yuudai, not had nice hands to her standards, perhaps they wouldn’t have dated, and that might seem arbitrary to some but hands tell Rosario all she needs to know about anyone who potentially hopes to enter her life.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

When I say she’ll take it, I mean she’ll take it :). Safe sex takes a priority in her life, however, so she’ll only do that within committed relationships; which... hasn’t really happened since Yuudai’s passing.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Not sure how big of a dirty secret this could be but in her relationship with her husband she was always, exclusively, the submissive half of their dynamic. Not to say she didn’t enjoy it, she did, she likes it and will more often than not choose that for herself, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to do differently... at some point.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Rosario definitely knows what she’s doing, having spent a few years married to a pro hero and having seen some more people down the line, she’s had her fair share of experience. Her marriage was certainly not a boring one, and despite the amount of work each of them had, they hardly ever spent much time apart. Yuudai and her lived to have each other on edge and she’s tried to keep that in consideration for new partners. All sex is a give and take situation, even if sometimes she people she is with don’t seem to know that themselves. She normally goes for people who are older than her.   

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Missionary. Good ole’ missionary. For no other reason than being able to see and be seen, not to mention everything is within reach, and she very well likes feeling her partner’s weight and shape pressing her down against whatever surface they’re currently in. Similarly, she’s into the cowgirl position as well. Basically anything that makes her feel like things are deeper than they actually could be. She cheats herself most every time she sleeps with someone, unless she expresses otherwise; more than anything with friends.

Nothing like sex to strengthen the bond, eh?

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

She used to be a lot more humorous and open to goofiness when she was married. Now, however, she sees sex as a pretty serious affair. After all, the way she sees it there should be no space for anything to go wrong; this isn’t someone she’s seeing frequently, after all.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

The carpet very much matches the drapes (even the rest of her body hair has a peach tint to it ). For her own comfort she keeps the area trimmed short. She’s shaped it in the past but doesn’t feel particularly strongly about it.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

No matter whether she’s taking the dominant or the submissive role, Rosario is affectionate throughout. She enjoys feeling the other person’s closeness, so whatever is happening, she tries to make sure they don’t pull away too far from her. Rosario is either always wrapping her legs or her arms around them, making sure not to break eye or physical contact. She’s found it doesn’t feel as pleasurable if not everything from the other person is invested. Sure! It doesn’t have to carry a romantic intent, but she wants to feel wanted, since, as far as she knows, it’s what she does for whoever she’s with at the moment.

It’s a matter of her being all over them and wanting them to be all over her in return.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

She’s more likely to do it if her partner or significant other are in near proximity. She’s a huge tease, so this plays part of that as well. Big fan of the “You can watch, but you can’t touch” approach.

It’s not to say she won’t do it just for the sake of it; she will if she needs to let out some steam (which will happen, inevitably; her job isn’t the easiest), but she prefers having company over if the need arises.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Clothed sex. Dirty talking. Roughness. Possessiveness. Daddy kink. Mommy kink.

* clearing throat *

This woman is a switch, or rather she’s experimenting with it and liking it so far, in case that wasn’t clear enough already.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Number one and general answer. would be the comfort of her own home or her partner’s place. Most of the time she’s big on privacy and is only interested in sharing the moment with her current person without fearing. That being established, Rosario doesn’t really mind: Beds, walls, floors, carpets, counters, chairs, couches, sofas, she’s game for wherever she lands on.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Stress, basically. A rough hand if you will. There’s another side to it, when the itch is not as itchy, with whispering, small touches, barely caresses, being spoken to really softly, close proximity; as in when she’s somewhere talking to someone and without even noticing the space between them has closed off by how attracted they are to one another. She’s always too happy to entertain the chemistry when it feels right.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Weird positions that the other person clearly pulled out of a porno are a no. Anything she’s previously said no to being tried again are a no. Backdoor *ehem* sex is a no. Certain bodily fluids are also a no.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Both, she enjoys doing both. She’ll gladly do it for a little while, because she likes it and she wants to make sure her partner’s having a good time, not just getting herself off. She highly dislikes having someone trying to push her head down as if trying to coax he into it; she’ll do it if she feels like it, but that’s one way to ensure she won’t want to do it. Congrats, you played yourself.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Who is she with and where is she?, Can she take her time with what she’s doing until they’ve been edging themselves for God knows how long?, Has she been mad at this person, have they done something good, something bad?

What exactly went down before the do came to be to influence her decision? Hell, sometimes it might not be a conscious decision, but let’s just say she has no blatant preference. Circumstances will tell.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Heat of the moment is her preference. In any other moment, even if tension is palpable, but nothing has happened as a potential trigger, she prefers to save it for a more proper setting, if that makes sense. She’s only ever had quickies with people she couldn’t stand at first.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Her entire job and career path involves her thinking outside of the box and taking risks. Of course she’s happy to experiment in her intimate life, as well. Most of the time she’s doing stuff she’s feeling curious about, but if someone asks, and she’s in a proper enough mood, more often times than not, she’ll be game to try things out. And... if only because it feels fair and she always wants to make sure before she agrees or fully rejects something, she’ll try everything twice.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Rosario enjoys going for a few rounds, more than two, whenever possible. She won’t hold it against the person she’s with if they’re not capable.

Meeting other people taught her just how different everyone can be, so she’s not about to judge someone over something as fundamentally intimate such a sexual habits, prowess, or openness. Physical intimacy is offering oneself in the most vulnerable of ways possible, why make it unpleasant?

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Rosario has been a widow who lives all on her own for quite some time now. On top of that, she sometimes doesn’t feel like calling one of her friends or going out for that matter.

Of course this woman owns toys. Not all of them were obtained due to being a widow, however.

Back when she worked at home in her own workshop she had plenty of time to call her husband while he was on breaks... it made for an interesting part of her teasing rituals, which were extensive sometimes.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Huge tease. When her husband was still around the teasing wasn’t for an immediate thing, no, it usually lasted for days, and it usually went unnoticed by others. WHY YES, Rosario loved teasing Yuudai until the inevitable happened; which usually involved her being a brat and feigning not wanting him for a good minute before they ended... wherever they landed at the time.

As a single woman she still enjoys being a tease but the game will obviously not take as long if she’s looking for a one night stand. She has a few somewhat steady partners with whom she can play into what she enjoys the most, but she doesn’t see them often.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Rosario is usually not a loud lover; whimpers, small and contained moans, panting, little squeals of encouragement or her partner’s name will come through but no screaming or crying put from her.

Notice how I said usually.

With more out there partners that are demanding she will comply to whatever they ask of her; mainly because if she’s lucky she won’t have any other choice but to obey. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Underwear. Obvious answer, but I could’ve said she went commando 👀 .

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Rather high. Depends on several things, but it usually peaks during stressful times. She’ll deal with complaints or having to work extra hours on something she can’t figure out right away and she’ll suddenly get the pang that she needs it. As a single woman she’s had no problems getting partners to try and scratch that itch, but it’s needless to say it’s not as easy to find someone who will properly satisfy said need.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

She doesn’t immediately fall asleep, it takes a little while, about ten to fifteen minutes before she finally does. Depending on the person she might just get up, clean up and leave.

This also depends on how long they spent in the lovey dovey, but in general she’s not a fast sleeper.