#i also feel like maybe its not that bad and im just exaggerating everything in my mind

[caffeinatedopossum]

Why are there always new symptoms showing up?? I just want a fucking break ;-;

[archaeolitikum]

mum stop calling me challenge

[antiv3nom]

how the fuck did i ever learn how to play a new character this shit feels AWFUL

[mediumgayitalian]

(very late im so sorry) fic rec friday 7

hi!! welcome to fic rec friday. every week, i pick five fics i have bookmarked and rec them with a little review. check them out!

i am indeed aware it is monday. i am a fool who is Bad at planning. my bad.

A Place To Start by @wintersky101

Nico can speak English, Italian, Latin and Ancient Greek. Unfortunately, he can only read and write in two of the four, and even more unfortunately, English isn’t one of those.

paul blofis & nico isn't something i knew i needed but i LOVE. like lets maybe get this kid a real grownup, huh? also i think it's really funny that nico is older than paul technically. like i imagine paul, who is a history nerd, would be spending half their tutoring sessions grilling nico about the 40s lol

2. Transitioning to Manhood by @nicostolemybones

Will gets a box from his mom of childhood memories.

i have quotes from this fic framed. it is deeply moving, especially that one paragraph about conditional love....like yeah it got to me. i wept about the conditional love paragraph. if you are ready for some catharsis this is indeed the fic for you

3. Doctor solace to the rescue by Phantomxlegend

Will idolized Beckendorf when he was younger, and who wouldn’t pass up on a chance to heal your idol and prove that you could be just as strong?

ON MY HANDS AND KNEES ON THE FUCKING FLOOR......WEEPING AND CRYING AND CLUTCHING THE BLUE FUCKING CURTAINS. WHY. WHY. CLAWING THE SKIN OFF MY FACE AND SOBBING INTO MY HANDS. no exaggeration when i say i never fully recovered from this one. baby will and quiet nobel beckendorf. beckendorf i love you. beckendorf you deserved a thousand times more than what you got. i can't feel my chest

4. Silver Rings by @buoyantsaturn

Barely a second later, he said, “What’s that?” “What’s what?” Will said back to him, not taking his eyes off the gash. “That ring.” Will froze, eyes widening. “Isn’t that Nico’s?

secret relationship my EVERYTHING. makes me buckshit feral every time its so FUN. cj ur iconic and you have been THEEE backbone of this fandom for years. i love this one particularly bc the whole thing with will glowing will never not be funny shdhfdjsnfkf

5. A Little More in the Closet Than Out of it by @buoyantsaturn

The only thing they could do to keep Harley in the infirmary so they could keep him monitored was to keep him entertained, and somehow, Will had gotten himself roped into a game of hide and seek.

giggle was giggled at the title. i am easily entertained. but the fic was fun and sweet; harley is the camp's darling as is his right. nico is such a dweepy dork loser hes so real i love him

thank you for joining me this friday!! happy reading!!

[anzynai]

Oh, are requests open? Weeell, maybe a little something with the Leech twins and lee!reader (platonic), if you're okay with it? 👉🏻👈🏻✨

Have a nice day Jai <3

Two Times the Trouble

Jade & Floyd & Reader (Twisted Wonderland)

a/n: ANON I LOVE U SO MUCH FOR THIS. i love this request!!! anyways i did pour my heart onto this fic!! i struggled a little more that i thought i would?? the idea was a bit difficult but i think i made it work! this is the first request from the batch of TWST requests ive received (a long time ago, unfortunately, but im choosing to blame it on the fact i was doing my SS fic..) so sorry the request took forever but at least its here now LOL hope u enjoy!! ALSO FIRST FIC FOR THE NEW YEAR LETS GO

summary: when floyd learns of your ticklishness, you are already on edge around him. you didn’t know you had to be wary of his twin, too.

word count: 1.5k

——

You might be in trouble. You might really be in trouble.

It all started just a few minutes earlier. You were in class, minding your own business! Of course, Floyd was in the class, but so was Jade. Azul.. was not, and the only reason you noticed because somehow the three of them were almost always together, unless they weren’t..?

Anyway, Floyd usually only interacted with Jade or Riddle, if he was in the mood for teasing the housewarden. He didn’t really talk to you all that much.

So obviously, you were surprised when he apparently had decided to change his target for the day to you, plopping down in the seat next to you. Grim often sat there and you could hear his protests, but Floyd either didn’t hear or pretended not to. Eventually, Grim grumbled and just moved to sitting on top of your desk. He was small enough.

“What’s up, Shrimpy?” Floyd drawled, a small grin on his face, showing his spiky teeth. It must be a Moray thing, you thought offhandedly.

“Oh, hey, Floyd.” You greeted him back with a small smile. Mostly out of politeness because you had no idea what he was doing there.

“M’ bored. Jade won’t entertain me. And Goldfishie’s not here.” He sighed, sadly, though, it did not sound genuine at all.

“That sounds annoying.” You said, but you start focusing your attention away from him and to Professor Trein, who began speaking. And… you really didn’t want to get on his bad side.

“Yeah, you get it, Shrimpy. That’s why you’re gonna entertain me today!” Floyd grinned, a large toothy smile, almost like an innocent child.

“Am I?” You asked, though it was more of a “response” than a question. You looked down at your notebook, jotting down notes as Trein lectured, pouting when you saw Grim snoozing away. Usually, Trein noticed right away, but he seemed very invested in his lecture today.

“Mhm!” Floyd said, slowly, before he decided to try annoying you. From taking away your notebook so you couldn’t write it down, from kicking your chair, from grabbing every little thing he could get his hands on. You began feeling pity for Riddle. You had always thought he was exaggerating, but you swore you could feel yourself popping a blood vessel every two seconds.

Suddenly, Floyd decided that stealing your items were too boring and he resorted to poking you instead. Again. And again. And again.

“Would you sto-AH!” You tried whispering but then he poked a spot on your side and you couldn’t hold back your squeal.

“Everything alright over there?” Trein asked, seemingly annoyed that his class was disrupted.

“I—uh yeah!” You stuttered out, embarrassed as everyone turned towards the two of you. You glanced over, hoping that Floyd didn’t notice, but the scary grin on his face told you otherwise. For the rest of class, he kept poking your side and you found yourself unable to focus on the lesson, trying your hardest not to giggle.

“I’m gonna squeeze ya!” Floyd exclaimed, though a bit quietly. When the bell rang, you were the first one out the door.

You didn’t notice that Jade had been watching the two of you the entire time.

——

“Floyd, leave me alone!” You shrieked, running around the mostly empty lounge. You decided to get a quick snack from there since you were about to dive headfirst into an all-night study session for the Alchemy test coming up and you figured that making sure you weren’t hungry would.. help.

It was supposed to be in and out. Quick and easy.

It was not in and out.

Floyd was clearly still interested by his discovery, which even you had thought he had forgotten about. Really, he got bored of most things so quickly so why not now!?

So brings you to the present, him chasing you, wiggling his fingers menacingly and you running as far from him as you can. Azul sighed, used to Floyd’s antics.

“Just don’t mess up the lounge… or you’ll be cleaning it all by yourself.” He said, before walking away and into the kitchen.

You, on the other hand, ran towards Jade, who had been watching you guys with amusement. He seemed like he was wondering whether he should continue watching or help you and well, you decided it for him.

“Jade, help!” You exclaim, ducking behind him and using him as cover. You guys hopefully seemed friends enough to be able to do this, so you were obviously gonna use it to your advantage!

“Now, Floyd, don’t be like this..” Jade started, a pleasant smile on his face that had you sighing in relief and Floyd groaning in disappointment.

“Come on, Jade, just let me squeeze 'em..”

“Look at them, don’t you think they’d be too sensitive to endure your wrath?” Jade added and you could see the exact moment Floyd’s gaze lit up and all hopes of mercy on your poor, unfortunate soul were shattered. But before you could move, Jade grabbed your wrist, locking your arms up easily. You struggled in his grasp, but it was no use. It wasn’t even as if you were weak! What did he eat anyway?! Were moray just stronger?

“Jade.. How could you do this to me..?!” You shouted, betrayed, gulping when Floyd walked towards you, menacingly. It was fast-paced, but to you, it felt like he was walking in slow-motion.

“I must apologize. However, I should indulge both myself and my dear brother at times. You must understand.” Jade said, though there was not an ounce of guilt on his face. Your arms, which were hooked up from Jade’s arms were suddenly released, but that didn’t mean you could escape. Instead, Jade wrapped his arms around your waist and began tickling your sides. And Floyd, well, he pounced and started tickling your stomach, your armpits, pretty much anywhere he could get his hands on.

“N-nOHOHOHO, w-why?!” You cried, feeling overwhelmed by the fact that the Leech twins were so easily tickling you.

“Oooh, Shrimpy, already broke ya, huh?” Floyd teased. He was more on the rougher side of tickling, pinching and squeezing your sensitive skin, while Jade was more gentle, with light grazes and scribbles which were still so evil.

“Ehehehe shuhuhut uhuhup!” You looked around, feeling embarrassed, but the lounge was mostly empty and those who were there seemed occupied with other things so they didn’t pay attention to you. You looked back at the Leech twins, flailing in their arms, but Jade managed to pull your arms above your head with his hand, despite your flailing.

“You’re really going to say that to us? Now, don’t be so mean. You might hurt my feelings.” Jade chucked, deep and low. You knew that what he said was complete bullshit, but you couldn’t comment on it, too caught up on the hands on your body.

They were relentless, that much you could tell. It felt like they were trying to find the spots that made you tick and react the most and you could feel that this wasn’t the last time they’d tickle you like this.

“Plehehehease!” You giggle instead, unable to find the words to respond.

“Please what, Shrimpy? You’re so ticklish already!” Floyd giggled, his hands grasping against your sides and occasionally drifting over towards your stomach.

“Now, now, Floyd. I’d say that they are faring quite well.”

“W-WAHAHAHAHH!” Is your response, apparently. You could just die right now. You never imagined that today would be the day you found yourself being tickled to absolute pieces, by none other than the Leech twins! You began wondering how Azul ever put up with them! Knowing how they’re acting now, you’re sure the three of them have engaged in some sort of tickle-fights, if the experience they very obviously had was anything to go by.

“Sure about that, Jade? They’re like a squeak toy!” You tried to put your lips together. That.. lasted about half a second before you found it hard to keep your mouth shut, eliciting the noises that Floyd had just compared to a toy. “Squeak, squeak!” Floyd chirped, squeezing like you were, in fact, a toy.

“Nohohohoho!!” You shriek, laughing and laughing. The fingers on your body were unrelenting and you could feel tears of mirth begin to prick at your eyes. They hadn’t even gotten your worst spot, and Jade was barely even tickling you, more focused on holding you so Floyd could get more access. Still… you were feeling a bit overwhelmed.

It seemed Jade was watching your reactions, though, because he muttered Floyd’s name. Either that, or he just conveniently and coincidentally noticed at the exact time you were reaching your limit. It didn’t matter, because he had let go of you and Floyd, instead of tickling you, slung his arm over your shoulder, leaning. You felt exhausted, so you just dropped your head, using his arm as a headrest.

“That was super fun, Shrimpy! We gotta do that again sometime!” Floyd laughed, heartily and cheerfully.

“Hopefully not too soon…” You muttered, under your breath, causing Floyd to laugh harder.

“I agree. I wouldn’t mind this scenario happening again.” Jade nodded, poking your side and smirking when you flinch and glare.

“Not you too..” You pout, though you couldn’t hold back a smile. You hadn’t really thought about where you stood with the twins before, but you found that you didn’t ever mind their presence either. In fact, you could feel yourself hoping for times like this to occur more, as well.

[haecien]

Thank you to anon for requesting this! Also hey first req!

Himbos & Flowers

Synopsis: You are a florist at a small not well known shop that you inherited from your family, the only people who come there to buy and support your small business is your close friends. This time they brought over a new friend that has seemed to be interested in you...

Small warning for cursing!

Genre; Fluff, College au(?), Non idol au, florist reader.

G/n reader x Mingyu. 983 words 5,278 characters

I didn't proof read this!

After your Grandparents passing who previously owned the store, now it was your time to run this store!

-------------------------------------------------------

" This place looks like an absolute mess. " you said with a hopeless expression on your face as you looked at Minghao who was equally disgusted.

" Thanks for offering to help me Hao! The others seemed like they didn't want to... "

" I know why now. I didn't know it was that bad of a state, I thought they were over exaggerating everything again." You grabbed the broom and looked at minghao

" You're carrying the furniture"

" Fuck you, I just got my nails done. "

-------------------------------------------------------

You and Minghao were breathing heavily while looking around the room feeling a bit proud of your work, this was just the start of your little business. Soon this whole new renovation project of yours turned from days to weeks to months.

You rarely had the money to bring im furniture but your friends knew a guy and he funded your project. I swear you were so relieved you could have died if you had to spend another penny.

It wasn't easy but, finally it was opening day! You weren't expecting much people since you rarely advertised to others, only your close friends and family knew about this.

You decided to hire the boys since they were such good helpers in the renovating process(stress levels were higher than mouth everest).

Jun, Seungkwan, Seungcheol , Dk were working behind the cashier.

Woozi, Hoshi, Jeonghan, Joshua, Vernon were incharge of taking care of the plants.

Minghao, Dino & Wonwoo were social media team.

-------------------------------------------------------

" I feel so nervous, I bet no one will show up anyways! Its always like this every year. " you took a peak outside of the windows curtains, you only saw about 1-2 people anyways

"Cheer up y/n! I'm sure you can atleast get well a few more people. Our social media team is very good! " Dk reassured you, patting your back.

"Plus isn't it like 2 hours early? I'm sure time will pass by and more people will come " seungkwan commented, yeah he was right tho. Maybe you should stop worrying and focus on getting things ready for the non existent customers .

Opening time now. " shit, what if they all went away. My stomach hurts... " you placed your arms on your stomach covering it. "Well don't puke all over me.. " minghao rolled his eyes and looked at you with his iconic sassy face

" Its probably pre opening jitters, it will dissappear eventually! " the gentleman Joshua tried to calm you down as you seungkwan signaled that you opened the door. You hesitantly opened the door and flipped the sign to "open". " Welcome to Fallin' Flower shop! "

....

Suddenly people were SWARMING the store which shocked you, Jesus there was arround maybe 30 people waiting for this place to open.

" All the plants here are so well grown and displayed! " a customer commented, another said " No wonder why mingyu got excited over this place! " Mingyu?.. whos that.

" I know right! Mingyu has good taste in shops, I don't know how I never knew about this place before!! "

"Seems that Mingyu has seen my posts. Huh that idiots always posting, its expected that hes seen it. " wonwoo commented

Seriously who is mingyu... " Who? " you said dumbfounded at everyones comments

" You seriously don't know who that is??! " " No? " seungkwan was so close to shaking your dumbass " He's one of the most famous social media influencers in Korea right no! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY NOT KNOW HIM. "

" And he's one of my closest friends since high school " Wonwoo added

" His name rings a bell, But why should I care? It's not like I'll ever meet him. "

Seungkwan looked at you like you just offended the president or something

" How stupid do you have to be to not connect the dots?... " seungkwan took one of the boxes that were sent by the mysterious donner and pointed at the writing "K.MG... try to guess what that stands for. "

" Oh. " oh is correct, but how the fuck did THE Kim Mingyu decide that this was the place he is going to donate to.

Suddenly you heard screams from outside, well not screams of terror but more of excitement.

" Here comes the dumbass ... " Minghao sighed as you looked over to see a very attractive man, he was tall and had a good figure.

He was surrounded by people, they almost look like they were crushing him.

Seungkwan quickly ran over to the door and closed the door and yelled " Thank you everyone for coming over were now closed for today goodbye! " and slammed the door

" I knew that people were that crazy over influencers but not thay crazy.... " you watched as the crowed became less and less after a few minutes.

After awhile the crowed completely disappeared, the tall man came inside the shop looking tired, he was basically gasping for air.

" Sorry it took me awhile to get in, *huff* "

The guy looked at you and he instantly felt like he choked on his own saliva, did he just fall for you on the spot?? Yes, he did.

You went up to him holding a glass of water "Here, you must be thirsty. "

God, mingyu couldn't even look you in the eyes, " You look better in person... " he mumbled out

"Hm, What was that? " " Oh, nothing.. thanks for the water. "

" Oh my god the himbos inlove 😟" jeonghan said, the rest of the guys all agreed as they were all just watching you two from the counter.

" So, want to hang out? " Hehe sure, meet me after we close the store at night. "

-------------------------------------------------------

Look i COULDN'T resist adding some smau panels

Yes thats scoups from the "what is wrong with you" one shot smau😊

-------------------------------------------------------

Cien rambles

AAAAA, anon hope you enjoyed!

[drakestwin]

Maybe some niko fluff yk ☹️ like him being clingy yk yk (if you can bae if not its okay but thank you i love you)

“Don’t leave me”

Summary: Niko doesn’t want you to leave him on his special day!!!!

Warnings: none just fluff 😘

a/n: I LITERALLY LOVE WHOEVER SENT THIS SO MUCH 😭 YOU GUYS ARE SOOOO SWEET ITS AMAZING!! BUT ANYWAYS HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIKOOOO THIS STORY IS ALSO GONNA BE BASED ON HIS BIRTHDAY! Also keep in mind that this is my first story so please don’t judge if its not good 😭

You had just woken up in yours and Niko’s shared bed. “Today is his birthday” you whispered, making sure he didn’t hear you. You scrolled on your phone making sure you got everything situated for his birthday party. You texted the beta squad and some more of his friends reminding them and making sure they were available for his party.

After you were done with that you shut your phone off and got up to go use the bathroom and get ready for his special day.

You were sitting in the bathroom texting everyone back since you just got done doing your hair. Shuffling across yours and nikos shared room was heard. You looked up from your phone and saw niko walking over to you. “happy birthday, my birthday boy.” you told him while wrapping your arms around his neck to hug and kiss him.

“thank you” he whispered and went to wrap his arms around your waist.

——————

A couple hours later you and niko were out currently eating lunch at some random restaurant talking about what he wanted for his birthday.

“i’ll be right back i have to use the toilet.” you told him while getting up. instead of letting you go niko held onto your hand trying to pull you into him.

“no don’t go” he said instantly pulling you to sit with him. “i’ll go with you if i have to” he stated causing you to chuckle. “please let me go i really have to use it.” you begged to him, yet he still refused to let go. "either you stay or you let me go with you" (🤔) niko whispers to you trapping you beneath his arms making it difficult for you to move.

"can you just wait outside the door or something?" You looked at him still trying to get out his grip. "I wont be able to see you then" he pouts slightly. you cringe at that, finally you get out of his grip and run to the bathroom with him trailing behind you.

"finally" you whispered grabbing your phone to call kenny, discussing the party that he was hosting at his house. After you guys completed calling you open the door to the bathroom and instantly get a bunch of weight thrown on you. Realizing its niko you hug him back eventually letting go.

"youre finally done" he exaggerates and slowly rolls his eyes. "excuse you" you reply back with attitude. "anyways we have to go somewhere but i'm not telling you so lets go." you tell him and then grab his hand dragging him into the car. When you guys get situated you start the car and drive off to kennys.

——————

About 30 minutes later you guys arrived to kennys house and was greeted by everyone. you were holding nikos hand and lead him to a random room that had some seats. Everyone sat down and just started talking with eachother.

as everyone was talking niko turned to you and wrapped an arm around your waist bringing you a little bit closer even tho you guys were literally squished together at this point.

——————

Time skip cause im lazy

Its been about an hour and it was now time to serve the cake. You had tried to get up to turn off all the lights to sing happy birthday but niko had pulled you back into his arm. "Don't leave me again" You chuckled, kissed his cheek and let everyone else do the work while you hugged him and stuck to his side for the rest of the night.

this literally sucks so bad but dont blame me its my first story ever 😭😒 I also sort of rushed it cause it been days since his birthday and I had to get this out asap! Anyways theres gonna be three more fics coming out when I literally feel like doing them. (spoiler alert, all of them are about aj sooooo yeah)

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Only two today, but long ones!

Anonymous asked:

Out of curiosity, are there any tropes in Media/Fanfiction that you and katsu Hate/Love...? or even Neutral about it?

I think don't you guys talked about that before unless I somehow missed it?

Anon! Sorry for the late reply. I had to think about it for some time, but I also feel like there is no way to answer this question in a definitive 100% conclusive way; there will always be some exceptions when the trope that we hate somehow still works okay, or when our favourite tropes don’t do the story justice at all. So this is more of a list of first things that come to mind! Mostly because these are the tropes we discuss the most.

We really tend to not like a lot of family-related tropes, especially when characters settle down and start a family and start living a slow domestic life and stuff, and when it’s painted as an endpoint or a happy ending of sorts. This is why we don’t really like talking about characters having kids or headcanon OC kids for our ships, the idea just doesn’t have the appeal to us. Maybe it’s because we don’t want children ourselves so it doesn’t click with us/we don’t get it; maybe it’s just because of how overwhelmingly popular this trope is, and how a lot of times it tends to make characters lose their unique characteristics and boil them down to just being a mom and/or a dad. Even if it’s not fanfiction but an original piece, we don’t really resonate with stories like that. Hmm, I guess it’s mostly about the nuclear families though, because I personally would find a story about a broken household more interesting. But if it’s just a “he is a papa, he is another papa, and here is their sunshine baby” is just boring to us personally… Where are my stories about characters going through divorce and fighting over their children? lol

Same goes for anything pregnancy related. We really don’t resonate with tropes that are related to pregnancy, the only possible exception being some horror stories.

Our favourite tropes… we love a despair-filled story! A tragedy, I guess. “Yes, everything is that bad; no, there is nothing you can realistically do to fix it” type of story, maybe a good example would be Shingeki no Kyojin.

When a super powerful being is somehow linked to one person and doesn’t stop being a super powerful being and doesn’t develop empathy or humanity! I don’t know how to explain it lol We love it when someone super powerful and inhuman favours a character, either due to having plans for this character or due to its selfish obsession, but it doesn’t go the typical route of “and then the demon learned how to care and love someone”. Like, the obsession is still there, but the creature doesn’t experience it in the same way that humans do, even if it looks like it, there is still this creepy gap that could never be closed. Whenever this gap closes and the creature starts feeling love, it turns into the trope that we really don’t like lol

Somehow related to this, but not really? I’ve said it multiple times, but: character A loves character B so much that they are willing to do horrible things for them (things that character B never asked for). We also love selflessly loyal type, sadodere or yangire boys, anything that makes characters’ relationship with each other almost cartoonishly exaggerated and extreme. I hope it makes sense.

Also! A character is bored and does whatever they want in the story, dancing to the beat of their own drums. Like chaotic neutral, but without any common sense? Hisoka from HxH or the Tweels would be good examples. You never know whether they are an ally or a foe because you can never guess what exactly they’re thinking about.

I can talk about it for ages, but these are the tropes that come to mind first!

Anonymous asked:

Any fav writers/artists you two follow bc of their work or ships?

Im new to bsky and want to follow ppl with similar taste first

Sorry for the late reply, Anon!

To be completely honest with you, we don’t have a lot of people who we follow on bsky; well, we do have a lot of our favourite jp artists who made an account there when it became publically available, but a lot of them don’t post there regularly and prefer to still use twi. Still, I’ll give you the links in case they start posting again!

I wish I could give you more recommendations, so if anyone wants to add to this list, feel free to comment under this post.

Here are some of our faves:

https://bsky.app/profile/thumaru.bsky.social - not shippy, but a lot of very good character art; their Vil is top notch.

https://bsky.app/profile/rakugakityou03.bsky.social - also not shippy; absolute god of illustration, their art is gorgeous.

https://bsky.app/profile/akiseizon.bsky.social  - I physically can’t NOT post a link to Futairo-san; I am so obsessed with their art it’s pathetic at this point.

https://bsky.app/profile/moketaros.bsky.social - one of the best rkvl artists out there, even though they haven’t updated their bsky in a bit…

https://bsky.app/profile/chocomaimai.bsky.social - one of my favourite Shroud artists! They don’t post much on bsky unfortunately, but their collection of artworks on pixiv and twi is great.

https://bsky.app/profile/rikuaso.bsky.social - another one of my favourite Shroud artists! Their Shroudcest is gorgeous :”)

https://bsky.app/profile/ingtakou6910.bsky.social - pretty Jamils!! Very pretty Jamils!!

Once again, the list isn’t as big because I’m limiting it to bsky, but if you ever want a twi/pixiv list, let me know. 😔

[saintarmand]

Is armand really that obsessed and in love with lestat like the fandom claims i haven't read the books but i get the feeling that he hates him

the fandom DEFINITELY exaggerates it but it's not at all a baseless claim either. but you're right that he does hate him too lol

obligatory disclaimer i've only read books 1-6 in full (stuck on chapter 2 of merrick still) and seen some out of context quotes from later books

without going into specifics their relationship started by armand fucking over lestat who then fucked him over right back (while also mocking him) and armand kinda lost everything and decided that the person(s) responsible should fix it by becoming his everything. because that's what happened LAST time armand lost everything. and they both realize how much they have in common and they're both attracted to each other but lestat gets Bad Vibes so he says thanks but no thanks. but then later he's like hmm maybe armand freaks me out so much because i actually could love him TOO MUCH. scary... and every time armand falls in love he goes intense obsession mode (which lestat also tends to do ofc) and getting rejected by someone who was clearly tempted made it so the whole thing rears its head again every time armand doesn't have someone else. such as louis who is worth a million atrocities they both know this.

to summarize the Vibe they have a mutual love hate thing going on like they've done awful things to each other but also forgive each other but also don't forget but also care deeply about each other but also find each other so fucking annoying. the love is mutual but bc lestat is repulsed by both their similarities and their differences, he doesn't want to actually spend much time around armand. whereas armand wants lestat as his companion because of those similarities and differences. i saw a post once saying they're basically "recognition of the self through the other (derogatory) and (affectionate)" and i think that's a great way to put it. and they're able to forgive each other to an insane level because they recognize that in the same position they would've done the same thing. to me that's kinda the core of their relationship

but yeah there's a lot of baggage so they just end up fighting every time they meet except sometimes lestat is like omg hi armand hiiiiii 😄🥰 and armand is like omg hi 😳🥰🙄

oh and also armand seems to be the only one consistently willing to acknowledge out loud that lestat is a fucking idiot. but also kinda looks up to him in some ways. and lestat thinks armand is pathetic and a child even though armand is older by several hundred years. basically this:

and lestat is kinda marius's "favorite" (or rather just the one he actually respects) even though armand is the only one he actually kinda "raised" (yuck) and lestat is the one who never fucking does as he's told (probably actually all crucial to the respect thing.) so this also contributes to a deep resentment once armand finds out which is valid as hell like who wouldn't go insane like that's his ex-loverfather (die marius die) and lestat is just some guy marius met and decided to like and trust. but im getting off track

basically as always it's much more complicated than the fandom jokes make it out to be and like almost everything in these damn books it's a fascinating relationship that's very underwritten and has the potential to be explored better in the show...

tl;dr it's like this:

[nitunio]

ryo's first monologue and one of the first eps he appears on are such dead giveaways --

lacks self-esteem and self-reassures himself that he's the better one

I think that it's not only evident by the way he talks and acts, but also the tiny detail that he's living on a lower floor of a high building (mentioned by Momo). To which Ryo also acts like it's better that way, since he throws pets off his window (idk if meant to be a joke, but is very telling of the way he treats others either way -- things to be discarded when not needed anymore), and they don't die since it's not that high up (Which IS also. Listen -. Him throwing pets like that and then being able to gauge whether Momo will survive the fall off a higher floor. Maybe he lied to Momo back then too and Momo would've survived, not unscathed but/// there is a lot of gratification to be found in a person fearing you BUT MOMO DOESN'T and. also. that "I will throw you off a balcony" that implied that Ryo views Momo as entertainment, as a pet, and ultimately, as something of a lower worth that Can Be Thrown Away (since it's not human)). And since he throws pets without them dying, it's better if he stays on a humble lower floor if it means it spares their lives. Because Ryo is kind, you know

The way he points out that he can name fifty flaws of Momo and Yuki each, while praising himself -> THIS PARTICULAR PART IS SO DELIGHTFUL in its own. he's spiteful. everyone loves Momo and Yuki, but they don't deserve it, because they have so many flaws, they do this and that and they're not perfect at all. Why love them? they're rotten and fake and plastic. but not Ryo. Ryo is everything, Ryo has no flaws. but nobody loves Ryo. nobody knows Ryo. and people that do - don't pay much attention, don't notice how hard he's been trying, don't notice it all behind his brother. there's no sunshine for Ryo.

does play-pretend, acts in a manner that is meant to get shock attention (exaggerated movement, phrases) -> ultimately gets none which prompts to act out more and with less concern for others

This ties in with the first point because He Needs attention. That's why his and Momo's relation works ------ Momo's goal was networking, and he did earn a favour because he's just good at being supportive. Momo IS Ryo's sunshine, not a human but a concept of adoration he can keep around and do with as he pleases. Momo is a pet, to be fed and to be talked to, to be seeked out for comfort and entertainment. And Momo IS an idol, idols are meant to be used like that, right?

And he acts and quips and does his word exchanges with Momo, and while the other retorts and opposes, Ryo enjoys it and i think he genuinely enjoys it for real. He can be himself and do whatever, right?

And Ryo keeps acting and acting and executing his plan, and gradually he comes to do worse and worse things. Because it's fun, because he gets to see them all suffer for not noticing him. Cut to Esperanza -- and suddenly the attention is overwhelming. It's not at all what he had in mind. it's a betrayal

the hatred for entertainment industry

Imagine going to a concert for an idol and hearing so much about how they make your day better, how they make you feel seen and loved and finally appreciated. Only to yell for attention and get none. Once more. First childhood neglect then getting ignored by a Legendary idol. The problem is not with Ryo, and that would be correct. But the idea that Ryo gets is that everybody just chooses not to see him because they're bad. That's why idols must be destroyed, they're fake after all.

the dinner setup for Momo

I MUST SAYYYY THAT HE STILL CARES FOR MOMO AND SUBTLY. HINTS AT HIM WANTING TO BE CLOSER. YOU KNOW. ALCOHOL AND ALL THAT STUFF. he never expresses anything with words and countless of examples of that will show up throughout. im going to explode

Destruction as means for Creation

Ryo sought out Hurt and Rejected people, to grow their budding spite into a shared hatred. There's artistry in negative emotions and what drew people in to be ZOOL's fans aside from the cool music and very rash characters, is the aura that their performances have (iiiiiii think its pt 5 where they start diving in to ZOOL's selling point).

This is also where Utsugi mentions "Ryo's sense of beauty" AND ITS (EXPLODES) .................. he knows. he knows. even if Ryo doesn't know, he is good at creating talent. as he said himself, he can see so many flaws in others, and he's so good himself, and that is true! he has strengths and he can be bold and can see to business being done with more and more profits.

(that's also where my "Utsugi/Ryo as contrasting opposites that are way too similar" tangent would go but I'm ---- )

Momo as a catalyst for change

Ultimately Momo's total downfall could have been if he were more pliant to Ryo, and while he tried to calm down the unstable man, Ryo assumed more and more control over Momo which would have ended badly if it weren't for the last conversation they had in part 3.

If Ryo fails at something, he should try again. If Ryo wants attention, he should say so, and demand it, vocally, now that he can talk, should be the loudest one. He needs to care. He should be honest about his feelings -- and he is. The moon is so beautiful.

The sunshine that beams every way, radiating warmth and light, covers the lonely moon with it too. And the Moonlight shines upon those who are in the dark, hurt and lonely - they become the stars, the idols on their own, facing the earth that hurt them with a gentle smile, knowing that embracing it with a kind presence is better than turning away from it.

[forecast0ctopus]

hi there, I love your art! if you have time to answer, I was wondering if you have any tips or recommendations for drawing in a more expressive or cartoony style? I've been drawing for years but I always get caught up in the weeds and end up adding way too many details that don't necessarily look bad, but are too stiff and over-detailed. I really admire the way you capture so much in such clean lines, if you have any thoughts or advice I would love to hear them - thanks for sharing your art, have a great day!

ah thanks so much, i really appreciate it!! i totally get where youre coming from tho, i really tend to get caught up in the small things too (the amount of sketch layers i have on finished things is stupid lmao). anyways yes theres a few things i do to help myself out of that pattern!! im not all that great at putting things into words but hopefully the pictures help haha putting it under the cut because it'll probably end up long sorry

i cant speak for everybody but this is what i do! heres how i tend to approach my initial sketches:

i like to keep it minimal here so i can focus on the pose over everything else, i try to do it in one pass and not worry about the anatomy. usually i do a few of these kind of sketches before i figure out something i like. also something ive found recently is that, for me, zooming in and doing these sketches really tiny helps because i dont have the space to add in detail. i do this a lot when i thumbnail a sequence to storyboard (usually on paper tho) and it helps me focus on the idea over the drawing

after that i like to focus on shapes!

if theyre a character with loose fitting clothes i usually won't sketch out much anatomy and just get into the shapes of the clothes bc then i dont get too particular with proportions and all. im gonna state here that this is not an excuse to not study anatomy tho and the reason that this works out for me is because i have studied it haha

getting into details of things, i kind of try to walk the line between too little and too much? like with clothes the details i like to get are wrinkles at bent joints and obvious seams. with wrinkles i try to only do one, maybe two, because it can get excessive fast.

seams are really good for establishing the direction things are facing, like to read volume in 3D space. the ones ill pretty much always include (unless theyre not present in the clothing worn) are shoulder seams and pants seams. in my experience shoulder seams are great at telling the fit of a shirt without a ton of detail!

lmao heres a collage of expressions for an example. as far as faces go i like to exaggerate mouths and eyebrows a lot lmao its kind of hard for me to put into words my process here. i really like dot eyes bc i feel like i can do a lot with em in combination with lines. tho i dont usually use em on finished artwork. eyebrows and mouth are primarily what i use to establish a facial expression, though sometimes ill throw in a scrunched nose if the expression calls for it.

the whole "clean lines" bit really does help with making sure things dont look too cluttered, and the way to approach that for me is doing your line in just one stroke (maybe two if u want it darker but thats besides the point lmao) but yeah drawing from your shoulder, not having a hairy line, etc really helps not clutter your drawing anyways i think thats about it for expressiveness and clean lines idk if youve got anything more to ask ill answer to the best of my ability

TL;DR i try to focus on shapes and pose, and putting in just enough details to make action/expression read well

[stregoniconiconii]

steve for the the character ask <3

1: sexuality headcanon: I received a message from god in 2016 when Steve appeared on my screen. the message was that he was bisexual. and I never doubt god's good word ! anyway I dont think Steve is particularly angsty about being bisexual? like I think he was always somewhat aware of his attraction to both but knew stepping outside of the box would be dangerous . tbhh I think he prefers women most of the time and it takes a minute for him to upgrade from hooking up with men to dating men. most of all he's kind of a slut <3 matching with robin he is also a bit gender weird ! mostly cool with being a hot guy but on some level she is also a hot girl. sometimes that level is sometimes a girl, sometimes it's always a girl . depends on what im feeling <3

2: otp: I do enjoy a good steddie thank u Eddie for being a canon male character that I can actually see Steve with <3 there's also this one omc...Henry Sinclair you will always be famous. sometimes I forget that ur not canon...in my head one of his more long term girlfriends/maybe wife?? in adulthood is this really cool and hot paramedic called Lucille <3 she was his boss lol

3: brotp: now I wonder....it's robin it's always robin . platonically married he'd carry her kids if he had the equipment for it and they are everything to each other ! also I desperately want stobickie to be a fun little trio in s5 pls happen <3 ofc there are many platonic relationships for Steve that I love, his brotherly relationship with dustin and max is so <3 and he's a lil mentor to Lucas and bullied by erica <3 in my heart he is also part of the Byers-Hopper clan, particularly a fatherly relationship with hopper. I WISH stoncy actually developed a strong friendship but maybe there's still a chance in s5. also. I will forever be intrigued by his friendship with Tommy and carol I know they got up to some insane shit

4: notp: harringrove mostly I just think Steve finds racism extremely unattractive . I'd say stancy but the truth is I kinda like them in a fail marriage way. nobody gets them tho

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: mommy issues Steve my beloved <3 I think steve's relationship with his mother ended up informing so many of his future relationships. specifically I see a sort of emotional incest between them where Steve ended up kind of playing the role of husband to his mom since his dad was away being a bad husband. obviously not a good situation for a kid to be in with their parent bc it robs them of being a kid. but basically this put Steve in a position of providing even to the point of hurting himself, which ended up opening him up to being vulnerable to codependent relationships. I think elements of codependency follow Steve in a lot of his relationships, especially can see it with his friendship to Tommy and carol, a little bit with Nancy, and also a bit with robin too (I tend to exaggerate it with robin bc I think its fun lol)

6: favorite line from this character: aaaah one of my favourite Steve moments is s2 Steve with the kids at the junkyard I love him <3 also he's so funny I can't just pick one line

7: one way in which I relate to this character: I also miss a lot of stuff when ppl are speaking auditory processing disorder my beloved <3

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: nothing he's perfect and he's earnest and he's full of love

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: problematic fave in the sense that he's done some problematic things but cinnamon roll because actually he's done nothing wrong ever

[triglycercule]

question, did ever feel like the stuff that happened in 0.7 pt2 was like, forced? like it didn't make any sense. Like cross wasn't aware of how much ink knew and didn't know when it came the torture that Xgaster put the xtale cast through so wouldn't he be more angry at ink even though inks knowledge about it was limited? (i don't think cross is aware of that so thats why he should be more angry at ink by logic) even though ink was unaware of most of the stuff going on in xtale, he did know about the crap xgaster was going to do to undertale, and wound up betraying everyone in the process. Heck cross doesn't even know that fell and swap were killed by xgaster cuz he was brought back just a moment later! But Dream is aware, and ink betrayed dream too!

the thing is, I feel that inks actions were swept under the rug like "oh we allllll make mistakes". I'm not hating on ink or anything, but it feels weird for this to happen when one of the major things about undertale is that actions have consequences. heck he hasn't even apologized and DIRECTLY said what he did was wrong to cross. Like i said earlier all he does is like, "whoopise? i betrayed you cuz i though xgaster plan was good and now all Au's and a bunch of others are dead but now i see its bad so were all good." Of course its an exaggeration and there's still awkwardness between the two but there should be more anger towards ink from cross.

it doesn't matter that they were friends because by that logic then shouldn't cross be on his way to forgive X!Papyrus for attempting to murder him? (and in the comics that Jakie creates that take place outside the canon Underverse timeline, that doesn't happen. According to those, their relationship is rockier than Mt. Ebott during an avalanche) And Xgaster as well (okay maybe i'm pushing it). but you get the point

all im saying is that ink should be suffering more serious consequences other than a punch to the face from cross and a standoffish dream. Cross shouldn't be so willing to forgive him after everything he's done because it just feels so forced and fast (and im not sure that even fits into his character) and dream/core???? Dudes should at least call out Ink for what he did. I feel like both of them are dancing around the fact that because of ink (indirectly) an omnicidal manic has destroyed all au's except for outertale and undertale timelines, and now xgaster has control over the OG undertale and is screwing it up so badly it might separate from the multiverse.

For goodness sake if the XTALE gang is chill with ink after finding out what he had to do with Xtale, i'm just done. There should be at least, AT LEAST some misplaced anger towards ink, and some valid anger too.

And i swear if the multiverse gives xgaster the same treament i'm going to explode.

had to rewatch 0.7 pt2 to answer this one ‼️‼️‼️ (an excuse to rewatch underverse)

ill be so damn honest. 0.7 p1 and 2 have been confusing because of the constant scene changes and character drops. like wdym fresh and cross head from the omega timeline to the antivoid while ink goes from doodlesphere to antivoid ans then errors there for no other reason than to whine and complain and then it all swaps over to aftertale and then fatals weird black fight void??? it's just a bunch of scene changes and character additions (where the fuck did fatal come from) and ngl i think all these squeezed in characters and locations is just for the fanservice (haven't seen error since 0.4 and fatal errors been teased for a long LONG time)

also cross and ink and xtale and xgaster aren't exactly my expertise since yk yk im all about the m. t. t. but i'll still try 2 answer this ask ‼️‼️ i feel like you're totally right about how cross should be WAYYYY more angry because all he did was spend a good 30 seconds punching ink and berating him and then the rest of 0.7pt2 was just them having playful banter. i get that crink were good friends and cross probably still likes ink but if i came to found out that my friend was in kahoots with the one guy that i absolutely despise (and like you said cross probably didn't know the full extent of what ink knows and by that logic he should assume ink knew everything) i'd be wayyyy more pissed than just punching the fella once

i think that dream and core aren't calling ink out because of a writing standpoint. inks supposed to figure out what he did was wrong and stuff and grow from that on his own personally but i doooo still think that he should see the effects his actions have caused because omega timeline is probably in a state of emergency from how many people thatve been displaced. ink is due a few more harsh scoldings. but aside from dream and core nobody else really gives a shit that the multiverse was destroyed (or theyre not ALIVE to gaf 💀💀) since the only universes (timelines) left are classic adjacent and most classic adjacent ones r probably busy dealing with their own stories

overall yaaa i definitely agree that the recent underverse parts have bern a bit rushed but i think that's mostly just a writing issue. the fact that underverse is animated is probably hard to juggle with all the lore and stuff compared to if it was a fanfic or smth. the people wanna see more of the story/animation and jakei has to squeeze in all these little plot points into a feasible animation without making underverse 100 episodes long and having cross and ink reconcile in a realistic time period probably didn't fit into the narrative that jakei wanted to tell

underverse still goated tho but we allowed to be critical of things we like ‼️‼️‼️ (THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!! IT GOT MY GEARS TURNING!!!!)

[chaoss-incarnate]

hi everyone! i don't think people are really interested but since i started talking about a possible disability, my cane, etc, on here, i thought i might update jsjsj

SO i went to the doctors three (i think?) weeks ago, and he told me that the problems i was having were caused by bad posture and my feet are a weird shape because of me walking weird (i was not aware of this lmaooo). so he said i should start swimming (i was gonna start this week but i got super sick).

the problem. my issues are DEFINETLY not caused by the shape of my feet and poor posture. i mean, i could certainly improve my posture and do more exercise (in fact, i'm working on it, remembering to sit up straight, doing stretching/yoga usually once a day, etc), but like?? theres def an underlying problem that i think is chronic pain and fatigue. like, doing simple tasks around the house leaves me pretty tired (like now for example, i washed the dishes, cleaned the stove and brushed the floor, and my back, arms and knees are KILLING me, and i feel pretty lightheaded). so yeah, i know this is most likely worsened by the fact that im sick and on my period (triple whammy lmao) but its been getting worse for over a month. like, i leave my house and stay out for like 3-4h doing errands and shit and i can barely walk home, having to use my cane AND my mum's support to walk around. it just kills me. plus sometimes my legs get so tired from pain and shit that my knees buckle and they hit the floor, overall making it worse. plus my fucking migraines-

okay, im SO SORRY for ranting about this, its turned into a vent about my pain and honestly you dont have to read it. the thing is that me and my mum were planning to go to the emergency room at some point when possible, but today she told me to call my regular doctor? i haven't done it yet since i want her to explain why to me.

one big problem regarding this is that i downgrade my symptoms to people, i worry about being a nuisance. however, i do this at the doctors too, and thats not good because they wont take me seriously unless i tell them everything (and maybe even exaggerate a little, everyone says to do it). if anyone has any tips for this lmk .

also! i quite like my cane but sometimes i believe that i could use some more support, and i really hurt my arms and shoulders using my cane. i was looking into crutches? im honestly not sure. anyways, if you have an opinion also lmk <3

i apologise for this absolute rant, but i think i needed it, thanks for reading if you've reached here

extra: i was reading about spoon theory and i definetly will be using!

[ankhisms]

ok one lovely person said they wanted to read the writing practice i mentioned being tentative about sharing so here <3 i have some notes and thoughts as well included. since the dont reblog function is still broken pls dont rb this thanks

as a disclaimer i am very rusty with prose which is why im trying to practice it at all since ive mainly been writing poetry and not any prose for the past few years since i felt discouraged about writing prose but now im trying to get myself to practice again. also one thing im aware of is that i have a tendency to accidentally switch between tenses so if you notice that yes i know its something im working on. also both of these arent finished they have gaps between action and thoughts which ive noted in the text

for this first one i havent written the beginning establishing the setting and everything but the premise is hiromu has a dream where he and enter are sitting at a cafe in paris and shenanagins ensue. well not really shenanagins its just a conversation i think their dynamic is interesting and i wanted to explore it in a more neutral not battle related setting so thats why i wrote this

---

(beginning and descriptions of surrounding add here)

hiromus narrows his eyes, "did you hack into my dreams?"

this causes enter to scoff, "really, red buster, you wound me," he rests his chin against his palm and explains, "i havent hacked into anything. you called me here."

"thats ridiculous," says hiromu, blunt even when sleeping.

enter smiles, "oui, ridiculous, perhaps,  but it is true none the less. it would be rude of me to refuse an invitation, dont you agree?" he pauses, and leans over the table to add, "besides, i wouldnt lie to you- at least not here."

hiromu doesnt like that one bit, nor does he believe anything enter could possibly say. still, its not as if enter had invaded his subconciousness and just started torturing him with computer cables. compared to the more avian related nightmares hiromu had, this was pretty tame.

he briefly tries to recall anything he could have possibly read before, even in passing, about how to wake yourself up from a dream. unfortunately for hiromu the only thing that comes to mind is how to wake up a buddyroid from sleep mode. too bad he doesnt just have some kind of power switch like nick or usada. but maybe something similar to that could work, some kind of jolt to his system. people pinch themselves when theyre dreaming, right? or was it something about holding your breath? hiromu cant remember which one is supposed to work, so with a deep inhale he starts pinching his arms.

to enters credit, he doesnt immediately laugh like a madman upon seeing hiromus cheeks puffed out while he frantically pinches his arms. the most he lets out is a quick snort, before reaching over the table to pat hiromus cheek, "your manners are awful," enter says, "weve only just said hello and youre already trying to wake up. you cant possibly hate me that much, mon cher."

the hand against his cheek is warm. of course, most peoples hands should logically be warm to touch, but not enters. the projection of a human shouldnt be warm. did jin ever feel warm? hiromu doesnt feel keen about playing back all the moments during battle when enter had gotten close enough to possibly feel some kind of heat. thus, thinking about his avatar team mate is the better option. except he cant recall any time jin had ever felt warm either. does a dream offer an avatar more humanity somehow?

hes thought about it for too long perhaps, because he hasnt replied and enter is starting to look at him curiously, and so hiromu decides he can dwell on it when hes actually awake. he lets out his breath and swats away enters hand with a scowl for good measure. enter feigns an exaggerated pout, but then he settles back in his seat all the same, keeping his hands to himself.

hiromus cheek still feels warm and itchy, but hell be damned if he lets enter know something he did got under his skin. this too is like a battle, the enemy can find weaknesses even in the smallest of movements. he restrains himself from scratching his face, opting instead to glare more at enter across the table.

his enemy looks different in the cerebral parisian landscape theyve found each other in. for one thing, hes actually wearing civillian clothes rather than his usual long coat or any of his attempts at disguising himself. with enter perched opposite of him wearing a dark turtle neck and a caramel sweater, hiromu is struck by the jarring realization that the avatar almost looks like a normal person. almost, if one didnt already know that the man sitting there was made of code rather than flesh and bone.

eyeing him carefully, hiromu thinks that he catches the slightest glitch at the edge of enters face, an abnormality that is gone by the time hiromu has noticed it. enter may have decided to wear something a little more reasonable for this encounter, but he still isnt fooling hiromu. even in a fashionable sweater theres something off about him.

the rest of his attire aside, he does still have those ridiculous goggles pushed up against his brow, because of course he does. he would fit the part of a cafe loving paris tourist better if he had a silly little beret instead of his trusty eyeware, but hiromu doesnt particularly feel like pointing that out. seeing enter flounce around in a beret isnt exactly an enjoyable thought at the moment.

(add something here)

"ive heard about people going to paris for the first time and getting sick from the shock of how dirty it is," hiromu says, "you should be glad it doesnt smell here."

enters nose wrinkles, "dont say that, you'll ruin my appetite"

"so you have an appetite? its not like you need to eat, right?"

the avatar shrugs, and carefully picks up his fork, saying, "i may have no need for food to survive, but that doesnt mean i cant enjoy it." enter takes his time with slicing off a chunk of the lemon cake between them, and continues, "theres things humans dont need but do none the less, non? your lives are so short after all, why not chase after every little pleasure."

seeming satisfied with himself, enter takes a bite, eyes closed with an exaggerated look of bliss. whatever emotion it is that enter has been trying to elicit from hiromu, hes just growing more annoyed, rolling his eyes and pointedly turning his body away from the cake.

(add something here)

hiromu stands up with a jolt, and the screeching sound of his chair breaks what little illusion of idle cafe chatter this dream had left to offer. he fumes, fists clenched with his gaze set firmly on enter, who only barely looks up to offer a smug smile.

"we," hiromu spits out the word disdainfully, "are nothing alike. theres nothing to compare between us."

despite the outburst of his dining companion, enters expression remains unchanged. if anything, hiromus insistance upon distancing himself has only amused enter further. he laughs, throwing up his hands half heartedly, as if they were old friends having a casual debate rather than mortal enemies with their blades always at each others throats.

"i suppose we should leave it at that then," enter reaches for one final bite of cake, clearly enjoying himself, "this has been lovely, you really should invite me more often, ma puce."

"go to hell," hiromu tells him, and lunges to try and land a punch against that awful smile.

by the time hiromus fist reaches where enters face would have been, the avatar has already disintegrated into a burst of code. orange numbers and the distant sound of laughter linger for a moment in the air, before hiromu blinks awake in his room.

---

this second one i wrote before the first one and im still not very happy with it and might scrap it and try to rewrite it. i couldnt decide what point of view i wanted to write it from between third person pov or vaguely enter talking so it feels muddled to me. this was mainly a kind of train of thought because i had and still have a lot of thoughts about the avatars and what it means to be human and what it means to be an avatar and if they can feel things etc along with enter and escape being their own people and having their own identities and lives. but i feel like i didnt exactly get all the thoughts that i wanted to convey across very well so again im probably going to rewrite this at some point lmao

--

86 billion neuron cells, with another million billion synapses connecting the spaces in between, all sending information to and from the brain, the extremities and sensory organs having gathered data from the outside worlds stimulation in order to help the human machine function.

  from ancient calculating tables and tally sticks, to early machines reading punch cards, to alan turings first thought of the modern computer, you could trace an avatars lineage back to the very first time a human began to count just as easily as you could to any of these.

enter and escape are not any of the doomed researchers that crossed the gap between dimensions, whos data was cleanly picked apart from their miserable mortal bones and woven back into the code of their forms. perhaps you can not fault those same humans for their squeamishness at the thought of any person being undone in such a way, let alone a family member. really, nature has functioned like this long before the first digital computer ever graced the earth with its code.

when a deer falls dead in the forest its body becomes food for the rest of the life among the trees, and in time its flesh decomposes and turns to soil. another one bites the dust only to offer up a meal for the starving masses. you are born, you die, and someone finds a way to steal from you long after youre gone. c'est la vie, as we say.

think of it, dear reader, as such; a thousand photos lie before you of humans. pictures of people from across the world, some of them seeming familiar and some of them with faces unknown to you. you can thumb through as many as youd like, but in the end you will always come to the same realization that somewhere, within these people, are bits and pieces of yourself. this one, looking off camera against a gray sky, has your nose. this person, leaning against a bridge and failing to strike a good pose, has your eyes. the next person will have your smile, ectera ectera. you get the picture- ha.

even if you were not flipping through a book of old family records you would still spot bits of yourself in people far away and long dead. this, mon cher, is how i see best fit to consider what it means to be created from composite data, for i assure you one need not be an avatar to be formed in such a way. you have been strung together from bits and pieces of every person your ancestors ever loved.

love, ah. thats another subject we must discuss, sooner or later, i suppose. can a machine love? really now, i wish you would find something else to ask. anything else would be a more stimulating topic of conversation. why must we agonize over such messy details? humans simply can not stop themselves from philosophizing until theyve got nothing left to make a philosophy out of.

what does it matter if a machine could or couldnt love, when plenty of stinking humans have never even thought to act on the very principle they obsess over. love. let us not get sidetracked by such nonsense, we still have other aspects to examine.

delete that last input, page back with me, now think again on the subject of data, and of rebirth. the doomed researchers are not escape, nor are they enter, just as much as you are not the person who first gave you a specific gene in your dna. the researchers were a sample for an experiment greater than any they had ever run through before. do you get it now? do you understand? of course you wouldnt. humans are foolish enough to think they are one of a kind.

   forget about if a machine loves, just what can an avatar feel? if their coding is to be equated to the human nervous system, then is it so hard to consider that they too could find the many vices of the earth pleasurable? enter cursed himself for spoiling messiah, having given the virus too much of a taste of just how splendid human suffering could feel. he was taught pleasure too soon, and greed was already something he knew from birth. enter should have known better than to offer up a plate of food he could not continue to harvest sustainably- not yet, at least. especially when the one gobbling down that harvest throws a tantrum the moment its all gone.

really, is it so terrible to ask for a thank you once in a while? you would think that after devoting your existence entirely to a single being, you might get a few bones thrown your way. in this we could draw another parallel between the humans and machine, where enter is scorned by his messiah in the same vein as humans praying for salvation from some unforgiving god.

i am drifting off course. forgive me, you see a machine can ramble just as easily as a human, non?

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ok yay thanks if you read all or any of this honestly i appreciate it. id love any feedback anyone has including constructive criticism from writer friends but i just ask that you maybe try to be a little gentle with me and remember that im very rusty yknow but i do still appreciate any thoughts or helpful tips thank u again mwah

[menalez]

i feel so bad for you with the callouts about you faking being a lesbian bc of posts you made when you were a young teen

i just found writing from when iw was 12 of me pretending to like men and it hurts so much and its so fucking stupid it was kind of like your old posts at least it was completely private

the way it was written was like me trying to force myself to feel those ways and i even remember researching like most attractive man ever to try and find a guy to act like i was attracted to all while looking at them and feeling nothing at all... and id search for like hours trying to find a boy that i felt anyting for to pretend to wajt as a boyfriend.... i never even found one! my friend told me maybe i was 'aesthetically gay'when i was like "soo im totally straight but i do not find any men attractive at all"

i just have no idea how i didnt realize earlier i wasnt attracted to men with all that bfjdmfjd

i feel u 😭 the wildest part is that post was made to paint a certain image. there’s no emphasis on the posts being primarily from 2013-2014. nothing highlighting the fact that i was literally like 14-16 in ALL of the posts (and that the person who was calling me out is calling 15 year old me a whore / slut for what r obviously jokes. if i as a 15 year old managed to have sex 500 times with 420 men while in an long distance “relationship”… wouldn’t that be indicative of something rly insidious? like they’re obviously not legitimate numbers & were me exaggerating ridiculously bc i didn’t want to answer such questions. i didn’t know if my rapist / rape counted. i was dissociated through a lot of it). the wildest part is she intentionally ignored all the posts highlighting what ive been saying: i was literally on substances a lot of the time when in that guy’s vicinity. i considered him a friend and didn’t want a relationship but then gave in after he kept insisting we were together & facing other pressure and he was giving me substances to get my guard down & be able to do things to me. i even made posts back then saying “idk if i like guys at all or if im into girls or if i like anyone” and talking about how i don’t understand attraction and don’t feel love. i talked about the guy making me cry all the time (& would then downplay it and act like i cry over everything) and there’s hints that i was attempting suicide and on sedatives the day our “relationship” started (which was the day he decided we were in a relationship. i repeatedly said i don’t want it) and drunk + had repeatedly tried to kill myself the day i lost my virginity (if that even counts. maybe the time i was raped is when i lost it? who knows.). and when asked why i won’t leave or when id defend him it’s almost always “he’s the only person who’s there for me” “im scared”… never “i love him” or “im attracted to him” or anything of the sort. i was baffled going thru the blog bc i didn’t realise there were so many hints that it was unwanted. etc etc etc. no wonder when i finally ended it and refused to back down (had to do it repeatedly for like 6 months) he immediately said “is it bc you’re a lesbian?” 😐.

also yeah sadly the only diff between me and the Real Lesbians trying to argue im lying about my sexuality is that their closeted shenanigans isnt available for everyone to look at and analyse and pick apart. their trauma isn’t there on display for people to call them liars and partake in abuse apologism with. but this whole thing has only confirmed to me that my truth remains my truth & my story. it was pretty upsetting seeing how i was somehow so aware of my lack of attraction to men but so in denial of it at the same time. and it made me realise that that whole portion of my life might’ve been even worse than i remembered. i remember the suicide attempts but i didn’t realise how often i was out of it.

ALSO anon that’s such a mood. i did a lot of the same stuff 💀