#i also looked up a dude i slept with once and idk what's wrong w me i just want to stop exisitinging so idk why i decided lookeing up these

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

[urmomification]

SWAG ANOTHER DREAM SMP AU FIC IDEA THAT ILL NEVER WRITE POG

this is a very long post please im so sorry my brain it just

(tw for like slight possession n shit)

(sorry its all jumbled i write all of these in discord to my friend and copy paste them here please if u have questions ask me im always willing to talk abt this shit please it haunts me)

(context: i saw a tiktok abt the hc that both dream and techno are gods of some sort bc theyre mentioned in the tales of the smp by karl a time traveller and my brain just ran w it)

going back to the techno and dream are gods thing right so dream is a vessel for the god dream xd (??? work in progress youll know what im talking about at some point its really funny tho uve def seen clips of it) and he was possessed?? by the god after the server started (when he started going from super friendly with everyone to control/power hungry) when he started sacrificing everything for power so no one could have power over him? that was the god making him do it bc the god was terrified of not being in control since theyd lost it all to techno in their past. thats why we never see dream and techno fight and why we see dream extend help and support to him at times as well as respecting his boundaries and such bc theyre scared of techno (again w the best of 10 duel reference, techno killed the god in a past life which is why the god has been forced to use a human vessel to get anything done on the mortal plane) but when something that powerful spends pretty much any amount of time in something mortal and mundane like a person, the host body starts to change (hence the mask) i like to think that the god would be akin to that of a biblically correct angel?? like the ones w multiple eyes n shit yk so after time things start to happen to normal dreams body he gets extra sets of eyes and he gets taller and overall his body seems just Too Small for whatevers inside of him and thats why he (hc) started wearing the mask in the first place he knew something was wrong w him but he didnt want anyone to know even tho they would most likely help him he was ashamed that he was different in the first place so he started wearing the mask once the other eyes showed up. and i think that the god would talk to dream similarly to how technos voices work yk? except its just the one voice instead of many many small ones. and again with the mask thing when he lost to tommy and they took him in, part of his mask broke to the point where u could see just a bit of the right side of his face but enough to see that it Wasnt Right there were two eyes where there shouldve been one and spots on his cheeks bright enough to resemble stars and where the color of his pupil should have been is just a sickeningly neon green with nothing else behind it. so they let him keep the mask even tho they already know something is wrong but it clearly makes him Very Distressed when asked to remove the mask or told to give it up. blah blah blah god harassing its host bc it got them caught and thrown in a prison and dream goes ever so slightly insane having to share a mind and body with a literal ancient god w a vendetta against everything hes built whos forced him to sacrifice everything he loved and cared for out of fear yk the usual prison shit and then techno comes a long and breaks him out or whatever but on their way back to his house he drops a really cryptic line abt how 'its nice to see an old friend again' and 'i thought i got rid of u for good last time' and dream is just ???? what are u talking about?? weve never been friends and youve never gotten rid of me? what. until techno spins around and just 'im not talking to you im talking to the thing inside u' or whatever and dreams eyes flash some brilliant gold or sumn and boom this is ur fellow god speaking how may i help you and dream xd (that feels so wrong to say but) and techno bond or well ig just talk abt how the past centuries have gone and ig while xd is fronting (??? i think itd kinda be like DID in a sense w multiple people being able to front yk?) dream is in a sort of semi conscious state but still hears everything going on around his own body until hes thrown back into the drivers seat (i think that xd would only be able to front for short periods of time due to the vessel n shit that makes sense right) and hes so confused someone please help him hes just a dude who happened to get possessed by a god someone help him so when they finally get back to technos house he sits dream down and explains the best he can without literally melting dreams brain. which would also play into the 'technoblade never dies' bc hes. literally a god. mortals cant kill him unless they have idk some sort of super weapon idk and blah blah blah xd gets what they want and finally has the ability to leave finally leaving dream literally the shell of a man with no home friends materials or anything with techno to basically take care of him until he reaches some semblance of stability again (which would take ages, realistically (wdym realistically) going from normal, to a god sharing a body with you and speaking in you brain living as a single being together and hearing their thoughts, to back to normal but with all the memories of what you did and what they made you do and also no more god speaking in ur head it would take a hot sec to recover from) so he lives with techno (whos, not to mention, another god) for a while until he can fend for himself again and after a good year or so passes and no one hears from dream they start to look for him and see what happened bc he went from the biggest threat on the server to just. gone. no one knows where he went after whatever he did and they want closure. is he dead?? who knows. so george and sap set out looking for him and decide to ask techno for help since hes good w directions n shit also he was the last person to see dream alive so he might have an idea of where he is and they walk up to his house and knock on his door and techno opens it and just stares at them he knows who they are, dreams talked about them before but hes never met them really so he talks to them, getting through the polite hellos how are yous before sap finally asks 'do you know what happened to dream? no one knows where he went and we just want closure' techno huffs and tells them to wait there he (this is the basement door im using his arctic tundra house in my head) goes down the ladder to the second basement, they can hear him talking to multiple people (ranboo phil dream) but cant tell who everyone is before coming back up the ladder, back to the door. he tells them to wait outside he needs to get something first (its dream hes getting dream) theyre standing out by carls stable when the door creaks open and dream steps out looking around for who the fuck could possibly be looking for them he betrayed everyone and most people thought he was dead who could possibly be here asking for himself and not ranboo or philza and when he steps out, his green hoodie (memento made by ranboo to help him cope w the loss of the voice in his head) catching the morning light off the snow and he was happy and then he saw them standing by the house hed grown to call home at least for now he breaks. he missed them so so much it hurt. he never expected to see them ever again much less them come looking to see him but hes scared he realizes he doesnt know what to say there is nothing to say he fucked them all over he ruined everything and then hes being hugged. they missed him too. they dont forgive him jsut yet but they missed him and thats enough for him right now. the three of them stand there just being in each others presences and techno creaks the door open to make sure they arent trying to kill each other and sighs and leans against the frame smiling. hes happy again and thats the best he can do for him. he invites them all in and offers to explain everything to them to try and ease the blame off of dream bc in all honesty it was his fault but xd made it far far worse that it should have been (a bit late but foot note abt xd i think that they would be an idle god until someone w intense feelings of powerlessness and insecurity like awoke them from their techno induced slumber and inhabited dream to help him fulfill his desires for power and control) and by the time he and dream are finished its late at night and sap and george are ??? so u were possessed by a god who techno killed centuries ago in a duel and it amplified ur feelings of insecurity and ur thirst for control to the point of isolating urself from us and destroying everything everyone cared abt?? also technos an ancient god who lusts for bloodshed but also makes turtle farms in his free time?? are we getting this right????? and techno and dream are just yea thats abt it glad this all made sense then they all go to bed (its a small house dream has a lil shack like ranboos and sap and george somehow slept over there for the night) and in the morning sap and george leave again but promise to come back, they still arent ready to forgive and forget bc even tho it wasnt all his fault his emotions getting away from him is what caused this all in the first place so they do need time to process now that they know he isnt dead and dream continues to live near techno in almost full independence and eventually moves back with his friends even tho many still hate him. hes happy and for now thats enough. another foot note; even after xd leaves his being, he still has the extra eyes, glowy freckles n is xtra tall n shit that cant just be reversed but now that hes himself again these things take their tolls on human bodies so i think hed have something at least similar to arthritis bc of how his bones were literally manipulated bc of how strong ethereal magic or whatever is. so he would still wear the broken mask but he takes it off now and is ok with it being off hes working on getting better now that hes himself again and everyone living w/by techno is helping him with that. also i think that he would get blinks of xd's memories like from when techno was killing them and have sumn like ptsd panic attacks from it and techno feels super guilty abt it but theres literally nothing he can do except apologize and after the first few times dream stopped him from apologizing bc it is his fault but he didnt do it to him so it doesnt matter to dream at least and they live in pretty much harmony until dream finally moves back in w george and sap the end. he also started wearing the mask in the first place bc of the extra eyes but he played it off as being uncomfortable around new people and not wanting them to know what he looked like until he trusted them (bc that literally makes sense irl how funky is that) so sap and george never pushed him and when they caught him without it on on the rare occasion they wouldnt pressure him to leave it off or anything even tho they already knew what he looked like (when they respect ur boundaries </3) they just assumed that it was insecurity (it was but also mans had like 3 eyes so) and just left him alone

[kait-deanne]

hockey roasts part 2!! i wrote these while drunk when i was camping this weekend and they’re definitely not as good as last time but let’s fucking go (i tried to proofread for spelling but i have dyslexia so i’m sorry if things are spelled wrong) i’m also gonna write more in the near future but this weekend drained me

someone asked me to roast the canes and i’m trying but the only thing that pisses me off about them in any way is that video set to mr sandman is what plays in my head all day and i have a social work degree and i know one day when a client is discussing their trauma i’m gonna have that playing in my head

i hope jamie benn knows that his wife is perfect and he doesn’t deserve her

@kravistonecny said carter hart looks like a youth pastor and i can’t one up that

male hockey fans that tell female fans that they’re not real fans should be executed

jason dickinson and connor mcdavid look as dead inside as i feel

something about how the staal brothers look and their energy is so unsettling to me. same with the hughes brothers.

i can’t look at players who have lost teeth for too long because imagining the pain makes my legs tingle (idk why that happens every time i think of certain injuries)

this isn’t a roast but i wish i could punch someone or body check them into the boards and only have to go in timeout for a few minutes

you could easily convince me that mat barzal played an older brother on a disney show

if you asked tyler seguin, tk, or mitch marner, after getting enough alcohol in them, to commit arson with you they would

i hate pierre luc dubois despite knowing nothing about him because i’m older than him and he looks about 30 and i get confused for being a high schooler on a weekly basis

**these aren’t exactly roasts but they’re oddly specific classifications of guys i met/hooked up with/dated/got free weed from in college:

jack hughes looks like he’s got a snap score of 5 mil and sends u up texts but is usually pretty nice so it’s not too bad.

while nico hischier looks like the nice d3 lax player/business major in your pre req math class who gave you notes once and were talking to for a while until he transferred.

nolan patrick looks like the guy who runs the party house on campus and also deals weed/ecstasy and

travis konecny looks like the guy on tinder that is holding a fish or a gun in every picture and for some reason you’re attracted to him but never go to hangout w him because he has the personality of a piece of driftwood

carter hart looks like the guy who, when i accidentally drank everclear at a party and my boyfriend was nowhere in sight, took me to his dorm room and slept on the floor to make sure i was ok

brendan gallagher looks just like this dude i used to hookup with who was so fucking bizarre and talked a lot about shrooms and his “higher self” and i stopped talking to him and forgot i had him on snap and he sent me like 20 snaps and said “oh shit i forgot i had you on here” when i called him out. the kids name is also brendan so i kind of hate gally

i’m gonna start a petition to bring back hockey players read mean tweets

[quitesorry]

i just looked up a bunch of ppl i was friends with back in like. 08 or 09 or something an dnow i rly wanna stop existing lmao. i think if i bumped into like. any of them i’d straight up top myself like ijsut dont think i’d ever come back from it.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #277

“i think we could reach heaven if we go through hell”

What are you currently listening to? "Heaven" by Solence. Has your father met the boy you currently love? I don’t love a guy, just his memory. I don’t think it’s accurate to say “yeah I love him” when I haven’t spoken to/associated with him since one talk in 2017. Are you closer with your siblings or cousins? My sisters. I barely ever see/talk to my cousins at all. How many people have you really fallen for? Two. Next event you’ll wear a dress to: Probably not ‘til my sister’s wedding next year. Why did you last cry? Oh god it’s so cheesy but it was during the Unus Annus video where Mark, Ethan, and Amy were out in the desert watching Neowise and just talking about life and shit. I legit sat in silence just thinking for a while after I finished it. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Shit, not even 10 minutes. Sometimes not even five. I don’t do anything special at all, just get dressed, brush teeth, and comb my hair. Would you ever take back someone after they cheated? Nnnnope. How many arguments have you had with the last person you dated? Well considering we jumped back and forth from hating each other to being friends like five times as kids,,,, lmao. But on a serious note, it’s rare now. I don’t exactly count arguments tho. Do you want to see somebody right now? I wanna hang with Sara so bad mayn. Do you get distracted easily? YEAH. Do you think that someone has feelings for you? Yeah. Do you still talk to the person that you last kissed? On the daily. Are you easy to get along with? I think so. I’m chill with such a variety of people that you know you can be free of judgment. The only thing you’d have to understand is how quiet I am and that it does not equate to me being disinterested in you or anything, as people have apparently thought. Have you ever had a pet goldfish? As a kid. Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? Yeah. Are you short? I’m of an average height for someone my gender, age, and nationality or whatever it’s called. Is there anything stressing you out currently? bruuuuuhhhhh I am ALWAYS stressed about something. What’s something that you cannot wait for? This fucking pandemic to end. Just wear your goddamn masks and stay in your fucking houses ‘n shit and maybe we’ll move forward. What was your favorite grade? So it’s super ironic: 7th. Which is when my depression manifested. I just have a lot of good memories with excellent teachers and friends. Are you afraid of shots? “Fear” is the wrong word for it, but there’s certainly a tense feeling before you get one. It’s not the needle that really hurts, it’s whatever medicine is being injected. Always stings. Were you an adorable baby? I was tbh, but I had nothing on my little sister. Nicole was so fucking cute. Are you happy with who you’re becoming? No. Do you want children? No. Do you change your phone background a lot? Not “a lot,” no. Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast? Definitely really slow. Really fast is nooot my style. I mean, neither is very slow, but I’d definitely prefer it and feel more secure in it. When applying eyeliner, which eye do you do first? Uhhh I think left? I do this so rarely that I don’t really know lol. How many exes have you talked to today? One. Are you tan? lol hell no. I never have been. Do you use any acne medication? I use a facial scrub to exfoliate and prevent acne, does that count? Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? My half-sister I’ve never met. I know almost nothing about her so can’t answer the second question. Are you likely to crack under peer pressure? Not really, no. Are you emotional or very stoic? I’m emotional as hell. How many states have you lived in? North Carolina has kept me hostage my whole life. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yeah. Who did you last say “I love you” to? Me mum. How do you want to die? Eek, idk man. Part of me says fast as to avoid pain or a gradual, torturous decline in health, but at the same time I want my life to conclude after like… accepting it and not taking my last days for granted. I also don’t want the sudden surprise on my loved ones. Are you scared of spiders? Okay, so this is very situational. If a spider surprises me, I’m most likely going to gasp/scream/curse and try to get away. However, I find them very, very fascinating to watch and are beautiful and some even cute in their own right. I respect their existence and position in the ecosystem. I’ve held a tarantula before and even want two (… or ten) as a pet, so I can’t be THAT scared of them. Oh, and I’m much more likely to be spooked by ones with long legs and particularly small bodies. Idk, it’s weird. Do you have trust issues? fuck YES I do. Who/what was your last dream about? I know Jason was in it, but that’s no surprise. I remember someone randomly trying to kill me again lmao. Who was the last person you cried in front of? I’m sure it was Mom. Who was your last text from? Sara. Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? The fuck is wrong with you if you sleep with it open?????????????? Have you ever "done it" in a hotel room? No. I don’t think we were ever in a hotel together, and besides, it’s p gross imho. I can’t say for sure I wouldn’t lmao but I hope I wouldn’t. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No, that’s never made sense to me? My sister stole a traffic cone once tho lmao. She legit just wanted to do something sketchy. Highkey badass, amirite. Are you reading any books right now? I’m very slowly reading Wings of Fire: The Dark Secret by Tui T. Sutherland. I’m going through one of my junctures of little reading again, even though I’m enjoying the book as I do with the series. Who was the last person to send you a friend request on Facebook? Some dude I had no mutual friends with or anything. How recently did you wash your hands? Last time I went to the bathroom. Did the last person you kissed have facial hair? No. Who is the most intelligent person you know? Girt. Do you have younger siblings? If you do, are you protective of them? I have one sister younger by two years, and I’d kill for her even if we’re not all that close. What are the other members of your household doing at this moment? I’ve actually been home alone for around two weeks now and am MIRACULOUSLY doing totally fine. My mom had to take an urgent flight to NY because her mom is dying. Sadly much slower than they expected. She’s not in pain due to medicine, but nevertheless, it’s torture for her. She can't do anything. Do you have any neighbors that you don't get along with? Not really, but there is someone to our right that constantly has music playing outside, and sometimes it’s annoying. In the past week, have you slept past midday? No. I can’t remember the last time I did that. Name the last song that made you cry. “Lovely” by Billie Eilish, I think. It reminded me of Jason. Do you use Twitter? Not really, no. I only ever check it to look at Mark’s lmao what a shocker. The last time something scared you, what was it? One of my nightmares last night. A huge spider was hurrying towards my face from the wall and I actually scrambled out of bed irl, therefore nearly passing out bc I can't get up fast w/o getting extremely dizzy, oof. Who was your first best friend? Brianna. Are you still friends anymore? On Facebook, anyway. We haven’t talk-talked in many years. Who is your best friend right now? Sara. How old were you when you found out what sex was? I was in the 4th or 5th grade, whatever age you are then. I definitely learned later than most, it seems. Had no idea until sex ed in school. Name one quirk you have that drives people crazy? I pace badly, and I’ve been told by numerous people it makes them anxious. Who is your favorite Disney villain? Probably Scar. You gotta admit his scheme was pretty clever, and he had a BUMPIN song. Would you have children if a surrogate could carry it for you? No, I still wouldn’t. Do you have an account for any social platform that you rarely/never use? Yeah, like Twitter. What do you most frequently take photos of? Nature. Do you ever wear hats? What does your favorite hat look like? No. Have you tried any foods or drinks for the first time today? Which? No. Does anyone close to you smoke cigarettes? My dad. What was the last song you heard, that made you feel nostalgic? Motionless In White recently covered "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers. Is it awkward when you run into your ex? I don’t run into any of them. Do you prefer pasta, salad, or coleslaw? Oh, totally pasta. Coleslaw is fucking disgusting. Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again? I hope. Would you rather pierce your tongue or lip? I have a vertical labret and did have snake eyes, and I adore(d) both; however, I prefer my lip ring. It’s like, a part of my identity by now lmao. Last time you were attacked by an animal? I don’t think an animal has ever seriously hurt me, instead only through playing too rough. I get scratches from Roman every now and again from it. How many times have you been engaged (if any at all)? Never. Have you ever been called something and you didn’t know what it meant? So one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever done is accidentally agree to being a martyr, because at the time, I thought it only meant like, you’d die for what you stand for, which in most serious cases, I would. I didn’t know that wasn’t the kind he meant; he meant I was trying to make shit all about me and throw a pity party about the breakup. I didn’t learn that was the “common day” definition until a long time after when I was no longer in contact with this person. Are your eyes sensitive to sunlight? VERY VERY VERY. Have you ever been busted for underage drinking? No. Do you have a picture of you and your lover kissing? I don’t have a “lover.” Have you witnessed a fight at school? So shortly after returning to class in the 10th grade, a girl deadass got stabbed in the neck during a fight nearby my classroom. I (nor my classmates) actually saw it, just heard. Safe to say the assailant was expelled, and the other girl was lucky to have her throat missed, though that was apparently what the other girl was aiming for. She went to the hospital of course, and that’s all I know. Who did you last get into a big argument with? Probably Mom. Do you drink lots of water? Sigh, no. What was the worst feeling you last felt? Before my last period I had a day of such bad cramping that I decided to go back on birth control. I originally started it for that but stopped to see how it would affect my mood, and now I absolutely need it back. Interested in anyone at the moment? Yeah. Do you know people with your last name that you aren't related to? Besides historical people, no. Are you guilty of texting while driving? ”I don’t drive, but I am so against doing that. Please don’t. It only takes a second of distraction for something to go wrong. Keep your eyes on the damn road.” <<<< This right fuckin here. Have you ever caused a lot of noise in a library? No. What was the last thing that completely took your breath away? I don’t know. When playing rock, paper, scissors which do you usually pick? Uhhh I think scissors? Have you ever tried to write a book? Yes, but they’re all projects I abandoned. Have you ever been hit by a chunk of hail? Not that I recall, no. Do you have high standards? Honestly yes when it comes to relationships (which is what I assume you’re talking about). Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle? Yeah. Do you know how to snap your fingers? Uh, yeah. Do you plan your outfits for the next day or just randomly choose? I choose on the spot, usually. Are you a bossy person? Definitely not. Is it true that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love another? I fucking hate that statement. It’s absolute bullshit.

[fmdjoosungarchive]

【✧】━━━ ♥ q u e e r n e s s      a e s t h e t i c ♥ ━━━【✧】

aesthetics, at their best, imo, are when you can feel the emosh behind them bc of how theyre made. so i don’t wanna describe it too much n like,, overexplain n plant ideas in ur heads but this is kind of a visual representation of how i think of sung’s current relationship w his queerness

love vs queerness

word count: 512ish

warnings: i talk abt homophobia

tldr; idk man

i watched a video essay of the appeal of toxicity to queer people and it got me thinking about how i havent fully explored this in relation to sung

since soon after his inception, i figured out that sung has the capability to accept love from wherever it comes, and whatever form that looks like

no matter how terribly he is treated by someone, he will do his best to try to forgive them and move on if they simply apologize and show they want to move on too

because of that apology, he’s also likely to make excuses if the agreed upon ‘moving on’ isn’t actually happening. if a person reverts to old patterns of how they treat him, he’ll think it’s a blip, or that because it was good at another point, it will get there again, or they’re just not feeling well, or anything else

what it comes to most is that he will accept the love in any form, because not accepting it would mean he would be alone

this doesn’t apply only to romantic situations, as i thought more platonically in the above points, but it perhaps has the worst effects in romance

the video brought up houseboys within the realm of queerness and how, for many, taking on this life was the only way young queer people could feel safe and loved, when they werent always safe nor loved

sung lives in a country that quiets queerness, at its best. if you are queer, keep it to the shadows. he also comes from a family that feels similarly

i don’t like giving the impression that sung’s parents are “bad” ppl and getting into my distaste of that could be its own whole hc, SO i say these things from the pov that sung’s parents are just people, who think theyre doing whats best for sung

however, sung is isolated in his family. his sister in law supports his queerness, but even then, she isnt queer. she cant fully Get it. he seeks out people who will understand because they are like him. and he’ll grab onto that, cling, pull it to himself, and try his best not to let go

he’ll lay himself on the line for anyone giving him the love and affection he feels he lacks no matter what that love and affection is

eye mean, he shacked up w his ex bc they slept tgt once,,,, broke his ‘rule’ abt waiting til marriage bc they made out once,,,, kissed the dude because he gave a little compliment

but the funny thing abt this is that sung doesn’t like toxicity in fictional relationships. he’s not drawn to them like many queer people are

ig you could call it his optimism, glass half full mentality, but he’s more of the ‘i can fix him’ type lol

probably the closest he gets are redemption type arcs. he can get behind those. but when he’s experiencing fictional relationships, queer or not, he’s more one of those ‘i suffer enough day to day i just want wholesomeness’ types

i cant relate lmao

---------------------------------------------

word count: 402

tldr; two + one prompt: at the expense of loneliness

-

“it’s okay. i forgive you.”

the small lifts on the edges of his lips didn’t match the face in front of him. complex, he’d call it. within there, happiness, relief, might have made up a slice, but overall, it read of anguish. he wondered if he’d said something wrong --or done? was his hand on his shoulder too much? sung removed his hand, furrowed his brow, but the face across from him didn’t change.

sung felt he could hear his heartbeat blasting in his ears. fear overtook what gentle energy he’d held before, changed all subjects in his brain to, “are you okay?”

-

“-hey, i’m sorry.”

the warmth of the arms coming to surround him made the muscles in sung’s face loosen, relax back into their natural form. sung didn’t like being upset. anger, of all emotions, drained sung beyond any other.

his arms circled too, enveloping the pair around him, adding another layer of warmth. his head leaned back over a shoulder, and his breathing evened out to a slow rhythm, lifting and dropping their arms in every round.

sung wondered, at times, what purpose anger served. sadness, while exhausting, left a sense of relief, once he’d outpoured the initial wave. anger never had that. -he always stopped himself before he got too far into that thought. all feelings were important; he could at least believe that on principle.

his voice came out worn when he replied, “let’s just move on?”

-

the breath’s intake was sharp, but the release let go of more than air. it needed time. “i understand.”

his hand reached towards sung’s, the ever so slight lift of lips across from him making it all the more difficult to follow through when he pulled his own hand back towards himself. “i’m- i’m not- everything isn’t just okay.”

amazing that a heart could be breaking, for so many different reasons. one edge mourning a loss, the other mourning the idea of loss. head versus heart wasn’t the issue here. heart and heart desired two things at once. forgive, accept, scrounge together what pieces he could to miminize loss. reject, shove him away, and risk losing what made days feel like they were worth getting up in the morning for.

aching to reach his hand out and grasp the one in front of him with all his might... sung had to resist. “i need change. it can’t be the same.”

---------------------------------------------

pwaywist (im lazy n dont wanna copy paste, cancel me next week)

i wanna highlight sum songs from queer artists that i think sung would like. we all kno he likes troye so i’m leaving them Out. i should have yubin or t swift on here but im attempting to b in my unproblematic era < 3

1 coconuts by kim petras

i watch a lot of asmr and coconuts is a common trigger word ppl use n i dont get tingles but every time i hear it i start singing coconuts n half of that time i think abt how sung (& jhwa but thats neither here nor there) would like it. like sure he doesnt have his own set of coconuts to Really vibe on the song but it’s the kind of track sung hears n is like damn wish i wrote dat it slaps

2 boys don’t cry by anitta

sung probably is too judgmental to like anitta as a person but as an artist, blast it up baybee

3 on the floor by perfume genius

i think sung has a crush ngl lol as a person but also an artist? sung loves how experimental they r and feels Inspo for their own music

4 bad friend by rina sawayama

honestly feel like rina is everything sung wants in a music artist sonically, which is hard to achieve, the bitch’s music taste is so eclectic

5 slide away by miley cyrus

yes this is an excuse for me to talk abt how andy as miley au is sick as SHIT but also feel like sung could become a miley fan in more recent years. also a hannah stan,,, someone introduce him

6 tanto faz by urias

this playlist is like 90% my own interests lbr idek if sung would have heard these songs i just think he would like them if he did ! and urias has the biggest it factor shes such a star, so ofc sung would luv dat, but i also think tanto faz is the song most in his wheelhouse of hers

7 dance with me by beabadoobee

bea’s stripped back vulnerable songs remind me so much of sung’s brain lmao rmr when i made a whole ass backstory for his childhood crushes bc of one beabadoobee song,, fitting

sung vs sexuality

word count: 438

tldr; i lied i am gonna overexplain. ive come back to add this in bc i dont think it should b in its own post. so this is where sung’s at with his sexuality these days

sung Is gay, but he doesnt think of himself as gay

at this point, i’m not sure if he will ever come to that conclusion, which i think is Fine. some may not agree with me, but i think that if he isnt actively harming himself by avoiding his desires, then it’s fine

and he isn’t!

but the way he thinks of it is like.. this isnt happening lol

he’s been hooking up w guys as of late n glosses over it, bc his overall thoughts on his sexuality atm are that ryoma was an outlier

he thinks he’s straight with the capability to love a very specific man

at best, he would have times he thinks he likes men and women, being bi without the label because i am Not Sure if he knows the label

idt in his whore phase he’s propositioned women, probably for a few different reasons. first, he’s gay. second, that’s not a boundary he’s crossed before, while this other boundary is Very broken, and that’s a little scary as well as one thing he can hold onto re: faith. third, he doesnt want the women around him to feel like he’s being like other men in their life, and feed into the idea that one day all the men in their lives will want sex. fourth, his hurt is over a man and in his subconscious way, is asking to continue to be hurt by other men because he feels lost without that one man around to love Or hurt him

but outside of the explicit canon, how i think of his journey with sexuality atm has a softness to it

if we take away the negative parts of his journey thus far, i think of it like a cracked door

the light is shining through, and you can look at the other side, see what’s awaiting if you’d just step through

a lot of the motifs that struck me in the og aesthetic were things along that line

flowers growing where they shouldn’t, a literal cracked door, blue, a color associated with a masculinity that sung has always struggled to fit into the box of being washed off, dipping a finger in water, testing it, making a ripple but not a wave, blindfolded from a beautiful creature a breath away, being caged by something paper thin

he’s on the precipice. like standing at the edge of a cliff, ready to jump to a warm, welcoming sea below

i don’t know if he’ll jump, if he’ll walk back, if he’ll sit there for a while, but i feel him on the edge

[bpdsafespace]

okay just gotta rant right quick

so once upon a time 7 years ago (i was 16, i’m 23 now) my first boyfriend broke up with me because he needed space and what-not you know the usual line they give you when they want somebody, just not you and he was sleeping with this girl like two weeks later (mind you, we were dating for 6 months and i didn’t sleep with him because he was my first boyfriend and i was like terrified and stuff, wouldn’t even give him a blowjob which is probably why he liked her better but :) don’t even wanna get into that) and this girl wasn’t really friends with me but she was the kinda girl who said i love you to everyone so she was always like I LOVE YOU to me and i’m like haha okay this girl is wild. meanwhile i found out she was sleeping with my ex-boyfriend and i was like wow fuck you but whatever, i was more mad at him. months passed and i ended up being best friends with this girl… how you ask? well, her and my ex broke up and i was like LET’S BEFRIEND THE GIRL HAHA SCREW YOU JOE (my ex) and anyways yeah we were bffs and everything was great and i loved her a lot, she ended up being cool and we’d rag on my ex all the time and it was a great friendship.

fast forward about six months later and i started dating this new guy and this girl’s starting to sleep around and i’m like ah none of my biddnezz w/e girlfriend you do you but she ends up hooking up with this guy who has no interest in being in relationships (i ran into him recently and his number is SEVENTY EIGHT NOW. SEVENTY EIGHT) and i specifically remember an instance where she had a party at her house and everyone was drinking and she made everyone leave DRUNK because she decided she wanted to drive to see him instead of host her party people were counting on her to host. so i’m starting to see the warning signs again that this girl is wild like she’s just an unreliable person and i’m not mad at her for the joe thing but like i know that’s the kinda person she is. so soon after this girl tells me that my boyfriend was flirting with her, now of course i’m like ahhh there’s my girl, always thinks every guy is obsessed with her. maybe i was being a bad friend but i mean, everyone knew she was like that and it’s not like my boyfriend tried to hook up with her… so alright. anyways. my boyfriend HATED her for telling me anything, called her a liar and shit, and i was like okay buddy calm down it’s not a big deal you’re just a flirty person, i’m not mad and i still like her. then some crazy shit started happening like she started cutting herself because of that boy who slept with everyone and she sent a mass text to all of us that she was killing herself and shut her phone off. obviously (or not obviously at the time for me because i never knew it was a thing) the girl has bpd. and even though it was totally attention-seeking behavior, i was like this girl needs attention. so i drove to her house and she was literally just sitting in her room. like no blood, no screaming, no anything. so i’m like. alright. idk what to do. she wouldn’t even speak to me or appreciate the fact that i showed up. my boyfriend ended up swaying me that she wasn’t worth me being friends with and now, five years later dealing with bpd hardcore i’m realizing that that was wrong of me to leave her like that. i realize that. but i also realize that sometimes you have to do what’s best for yourself and she wasn’t good for me. i couldn’t trust her and who wants to have a friend they can’t trust? everything was always about her and she always chose boys over me. and i still thought she told me my boyfriend was flirting with her just to make me upset. add in the fact that she sent her sex buddy some kind of naked video and told him he could show my boyfriend, it just ended up being a mess. so my boyfriend and i broke up and a couple months later i hang out with her again and she tells me SHE SLEPT WITH JOE. and i’m like lmfao that’s wild ok and i’m not mad about it but later i realize wow that’s kinda shitty ok because she always told me she never cared about joe but it was OBVIOUS that i did. but none of my business i guess, ya know, like i guess i don’t have a reason to be mad. even though i kinda do idk whatever. i had a falling out with her again and i don’t even remember why but i don’t think it was bitter.

so i ended up DATING joe again cause i’m a fuckin idiot but HE’S MY FIRST LOVE~~ I LOOVEEE HIM~~ i’m dumb. v dumb. anyways i date him for a good two years and then he ends up cheating on me 3 times with his best friend’s sister and she TELLS ME and i’m like no way you’re a liar and i knock tequila out of her hand all over the floor and my boyfriend is legit CRYING and i’m like fuck her and the next morning, i clean it up because i feel so bad and her brother lets me do it as if i was acting crazy and it’s because HE KNEW THE WHOLE TIME IT WAS TRUE!! and anyways that was fucking wild but i push it to the back of my mind and continue to date him for six months later until he cheats on me AGAIN and then breaks up with me because he “needs space” and “is so stressed out” and literally bitches at me for telling him i can’t be here for him right now because my friend’s grandfather just died and i have to be there for her, like basically uses that as an excuse to break up with me because “i don’t care about his problems” and “he needs to be alone to figure it out” and wowee the whole deal was wild, i felt like i was in a movie!! because i found out he was dating someone else like two days later! like? i’m getting soooo pissed right now just thinking about it and yet this is still the guy i’m hooking up with and loving to this day!! I’M STUPID!! anyways

i end up at michelle’s house (my friend not-friend whatever she is who dated joe after me when i was 16) like six months after this happens because a couple of my friends are friends with her still and i thought it’d be awkward but it actually wasn’t like i told her the stuff my ex did and wow writing this i’m realizing the only shit we had in common was my ex!! like lmao i just liked shit-talking my ex with her! so we become friends again but not really friends like i’d see her/hang out with her once in a while. this was a year and a half ago. so everything was fine between us like we were cool but i knew for certain that i wasn’t going to get close to her again and i thought i had a good reason for it. didn’t i? or am i just overreacting? like sometimes when you have history like that with people you can never get that trust back in a friendship and like.. is it wrong for me to not trust her..? or? idk i always had this super paranoid feeling in the back of my head that she was going to hook up with joe again and then she told me that she hung out with him and he “was trying to hook up with her” and i asked joe about it and he’s like haha! that’s funny!! because i thought SHE WAS TRYING TO HOOK UP WITH ME!! so i’m like omfg this is so much fucking drama man what is going on

so fast forward to this new year’s. i end up hanging out with a few of my friends and michelle. everything is cool until we get back to one of my friend’s houses and michelle starts yelling at me about joe. like straight-up. first she’s telling me i deserve better and stuff. and i’m confused because like yeah i’m on and off hooking up with joe but 1. we’re not getting back together and 2. how do you know that? then she goes as far as to be like “JOE WILL NEVER CHOOSE YOU. HE WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE ME OVER YOU.” so i’m drunk and i run out of the room crying because wow that was so mean? and i’m sorry but joe will never choose you over me lmfao like i know he did when i was 16 but you were just a fuckbuddy. like i’m sorry. but joe and i have YEARS of history together. so whatever that was just a really mean thing to say and it confirmed to me that she thinks every boy is obsessed with her and is constantly trying to get in the way of my relationships. so the next day she texts me and apologizes and i forgive her immediately because i’m like okay yeah i get it, she was trying to look out for me. but then i think about it later and i’m like wait… i’m actually mad. so i tweet: “Someone: *treats me badly* Me: *forgives them immediately* Me 2 weeks later, eyes snapping open at 3 am: you know what?? I’m mad at you.” and apparently she’s mad that i tweet that and idgaf if she knows it’s about her because i’m actually making fun of myself for being like this, not her.

so i see her in the bar again last weekend and i’m like to my friends, “DON’T LET US FIGHT.” and they’re like ok but whattaya know, we end up in a fight again. and she brings up THE BRAN (my other bf) SITUATION, basically claims it’s my fault she ended up in a psych ward because of it (uh, no, you were cutting yourself and stuff because of that boy you were having sex with, not because of me bye). so i apologize but apparently my apology wasn’t good enough like i was rolling my eyes or something which i don’t remember doing but I WAS DRUNK. and she doesn’t apologize AT ALL when i go “so you slept with joe to get back at me” - instead she’s like “YOU’RE MAD AT ME OVER OLD STUFF” and i’m like ?? i’m not mad at you over that stuff?? i just know i can’t trust you because of it. that’s different. and you’re the one bringing up old stuff?? like. then on top of that, i tell everyone i’m obsessed w one of my friend’s coworkers that is about to meet up with us and immediately after meeting him, she tells my friend she’s going to fuck him. so i’m like… SERIOUSLY? THIS GIRL IS AT IT AGAIN IS THIS FUCKING SERIOUS

so i tell joe. and he’s like dude you gotta call her out for that shit. so i’m like alright I WILL. so i text her. and she gets all defensive like i didn’t know you liked him and blah blah and again continues to tell me i have a secret hatred for her and that i’m so petty and ridiculous for not just bringing it to the surface. and i’m like wtf i don’t have a secret hatred for you (in my head i’m like: i just don’t trust you… and you’re rude as fuck to me when you’re drunk). then eventually she stops answering me and i’m left like… okay wow great cool, now i feel like shit because every time i stand up for myself i feel like shit!! because people always have a justification for everything they do and they come back at me with stuff i do and it’s just kinda like :) maybe i do deserve all of the ways they treat me :) but like… i didn’t deserve new years. and now i feel bad too because maybe i do have a “secret hatred” for her, like is that what she calls not trusting her? and i only threw the joe thing in her face because she threw the bran thing in my face? so? like? idk now i feel like i’m a horrible person and a liar because i told her i wasn’t mad and now, again, i’m left… mad. and i can’t say anything else because at the end of the day i don’t even want to speak to her anymore because we never see eye to eye and our best friend days have been over for four years now and i don’t need someone like her in my life. but it would be nice to go to the bar with my friends and see her and be civil with her. idk why she always gotta start a fight. now everything is awkward and this happened almost a week ago and i still think about it constantly and i don’t know what to do like should i apologize now i feel so bad and i hate when people don’t like me

[livingllz-blog]

The Story of Us: Part 1

Here is what happened between me and a dude in college. I’m writing this so I can remember everything that happened between us. I will try my best to recall all the details. A lot of shit happened.

WELCOME WEEK:

It all started during welcome week. Parties galore. My group of friend were walking from a party alongside another group. We asked a guy in the group what they were doing and they said maybe hitting up another party. I remember my first impression of you was that you were Asian-obviously, but you also wasn’t that cute (lol sorry). You were nice and had a deep voice but I wasn’t attracted to you. ATM my type was still sporty white guys and you were not white. We exchanged phone numbers and my roommate exchanged snapchats with you, then we parted our ways. Later that night, I tried calling you about the address to another party but you didn’t pick up. The next day I added you on snap bc the more friends the merrier. Then on my way to math, we realized we passed each other since you was leaving math. For the next few days, we would smile and say “hi” to each other, the friendly greetings. One day when you passed me, you winked at me. That was kind of weird but I didn’t think much of it since I only really knew your name. But then the next day when we passed each other and we said hi to each other, you stopped and asked me “Hey are you in business 101?” I said yes and then you proceeded to ask me what teacher I had. Turns out we had the same teacher and you said “Cool, I need a study buddy” winked, and walked away. What a dude.

WEEK 2:

We snapchatted to meet up in my room and study for the first business quiz. I remember us sitting a whole couch cushion away from each other but you found your way to slowly move closer to me and ended up sitting next to me. I also remember us get off track from studying and talking about my room’s lack of a coffee table to put our feet up while sitting on the couch so I put my feet across your lap. It was pretty comfy. We had some good laughs. And then. My roommate walked into the kitchen.

That was the first time I was jealous.

It was the way you looked at her. I could definitely see I didn’t have your attention anymore. She politely said “hi” and you introduced yourself. You had a short casual conversation after and although I knew she wasn’t interested in you not only because she didn’t find you that attractive, but also in that she was w another guy ATM whom she really liked, I still felt a pang of jealousy. I’m not sure why I felt jealous; I still didn’t really find you attractive or like you but it just hurt to see your attention immediately drop to someone else. You wanted her more than me. This is something I’ll never forgive you for.

WEEK 3:

After our study sesh, we continued to snap and even started texting to make plans so you could help me w my math hw. I remember us arguing on how to spell aiya (that is the correct way btw). My friend (D) proved you wrong and you wouldn’t drop where I had gone to dinner w my group of friends. We went to Bonchan a wonderfully delicious korean fried chicken place.

This was the first time you got salty.

“Invite must of got lost in the mail” “Is that place famous or something” And when I told you no, you said “disappointing, it’s a waste of a trip” “you know (G) is always down for some good wings”

This was the first time you referred to yourself in the third person. I always thought it was so weird.

That weekend, you invited me to my first hockey party but conveniently I was busy at a Temple banger so I said I might stop by when I got back. “But (G) wants you to come”

That was the second time you referred to yourself in the third person. It was still as weird as the first time.

**Somewhere between week 3 and 4, we met up and you told me you liked me. But here’s the problem. I didn’t know if I liked you or not. I met someone at the Temple party and he asked me out on a date. I didn’t want to limit myself only to you bc I wanted to explore this other guy and see if that would work out. You were so so understanding. That’s something I always admired you for, being understanding about me not knowing how I felt. You were willing to wait.

WEEK 4:

Even from the start of week 4, we made plans to eat together. You came to my room to pick me up and to my surprise, you came with one of your roommates (C). I assumed that meant it wasn’t a date. All good for me, I still didn’t like you yet. You started inviting me up to your room to “study”. “You can bring the hw up here if you want. Great studying environment” We even did the extra credit together, both taking notes on one chapter and sharing it w the other. Once, you even tried inviting yourself up to my room “so your saying I should come to you room” LOL I wasn’t even in my room and it was a wednesday night. What were you up to. I started realizing you wanted to spend a lot of time w me but I really didn’t want to alone just the two of us so I always asked to make sure at least one of your roommates was home “who else is home?” “are your roommates coming”

Since you had a fake, I remember asking you to get me a handle. Your response was “What does (G) getting return. Jk I got you. No but seriously” And when I cancelled the order since I didn’t need it anymore, you said “ill only get it if it’s for you” When I asked why, you said “no reason”

I asked to hangout that saturday. You had a game in an hour or so but we could hang in that time. “What do you wanna do?” “Idk what do you wanna do” Your answer: “fuck”. But when I didn’t bite, you also texted “um” “come up here in like 5 6 min an we will decide” I wonder what you did in those 5-6 mins. Maybe put your hand to good use.

That night, the hockey house threw another party and you sent me your location and even walked outside to greet me and my roommate when we got to the party. The entire night you were by my side bringing me drinks and entertaining me. (N) told me that night “you should fuck (G)! He’s really good at hockey, even upperclassmen know who he is! You guys would be really cute together and he really likes you” You even walked back with me since I needed to drop off my roommate, she was so faded and needed to sleep. I could tell you were disappointed nothing further happened that night after you said “what am I even doing here” (in my room). We walked back together to the hockey house but I left w some of your other friends. I had a long talk w (N) who really opened my eyes to the fact that you liked me- a lot. But you would also be really understanding if I told you otherwise.

We met up late that night to have our second talk.

I told you honestly that I had a date w another guy and that we shouldn’t be exclusive. The reason I wanted this talk was so in the end, you knew my game. I wasn’t leading you on, I just didn’t know how I felt. I didn’t want you to only like me and fall for me while I was talking to other ppl. That just wouldn’t have been fair to you. But then you told me “ “I wouldn’t just go fuck another girl bc you're always on your mind” and “I like you a lot Liz” It was honestly just so refreshing. All the guys I had met so far only wanted to hookup. None of them remained friends w me after I friend zoned them and here you were, being so okay w waiting for me. So that night, I thought it would be a good time to bring up my religion. I’m Christian and I’m waiting to have sex until marriage. I half expected you to just drop me. But again, you were SO BEYOND UNDERSTANDING about it. Maybe you were the guy I was looking for. That night changed my perception of you and that marks the point when I started liking you.

When we ended the talk and went back to your room, 2 girls were sleeping in your bed and you had nowhere to sleep. Against my better judgement, I was pushed to let you sleep in my bed w me. And we did.

That was the first time we slept together.

The next day, we spent the entire afternoon together outside on the lawn studying for business. It was not crazy productive but I just enjoyed the time we spent together. You asked me to dinner that night but sadly I made plans w my roommates and our friends across the hall. I invited you to eat w us but your excuse was “Idk haven’t thought that far ahead” which sounds like a salty no.

[bwicblog]

> Pheres is teased by Kit, Hadean and Cennef into giving quadrant dating advice. This segues into a minor spat between Pheres and Hadean.

 AA: 'kay, so, who's online rn??

AA: bc i got q's. I M P O RN T A N T q's.

AA: the sornt of q's that can only be answerned by, like, internet strnangerns.

ID: well i'm not an internet stranger anymore really. so i guess i'm fucking useless.

AA: yeah, no, soz, dude, yrn totally fucking useless.

AA: one hundrned perncent about as helpful as playing fournsquarnes w/ cullbait. >:}

AA: abt as helpful as eating mind honey to chill the fuck out.

ID: wow aren't you just in a mood this evening. =:P is it because we're all going to die? or so the newsfeeds are saying.

SS: (Shxt, pal, am X dxsqualxfxed?)

SS: (On accounta X'm only the regular kxnda stranger danger that you, lxke, happened to xnternet stalk?)

SS: (And oh em gee, pal, who says we're gonna dxe?

SS: (What, dxd some old calendar end agaxn?)

SS: (Protxp: Xf X can't up and set up coffee to brew xn the evenxn, folks what lxved, lxke, three bxllxon sweeps ago, they probs dxdn't GAF about makxn sure thexr sweep cycles were set up for, lxke, eternxty.)

LC: [ I heard strangers are needed and I am not YYet well-acquinted with everYYone here so... ] LC: [ Also "everYYone going to die"? Did I miss something? ]

ID: i'm assuming you haven't been outside and seen the giant fuck-everything meteor. you losers.

ID: look outside. notice how light it is?

SS: (Nope. (\eue/) )

SS: (But that axn't news to me.)

ID: well congrats, you're a hivebound loser. take a bow.

AA: oops, soz, someone was shrnieking outside. >:P AA: and stfu, hads, i am so not in a mood. i'm, like, in the O P P O S I T E of a mood. >:} AA: i am fucking E X C I T E D.

LC: [ Hold on. ] LC: [ Let me put on mYY safetYY goggles... I see it... Oh. That's reallYY bad. ]

SS: (What, for cereals?) SS: (Do X gotta go and run through my bucket lxst now?)

ID: i mean. go for i guess sip. gonna go in to space and punch the meteor to death?

ID: i mean i'm just spending my last apparent night alive soaking in this bathtub until i either turn in to a giant prune or i grow gills.

AA: and yrn totes dq'd, lal, but w/e, w/e, i ain't just getting ops frnom a blue. >:} AA: grnoup vote!!

LC: [ YYou don't need to run a bucket list but -- even I have a hard time estimating how bad it is. ] LC: [ YYou might WANT to find an underground safe spot and hope it breaks up into small enough parts that it doesn't wipe out entire neighbourhoods. ]

SS: (Shxt, pal, what're you gonna do xf you up and grow gxlls?) SS: (Bxt late for that kxnda groundbreakxn scxentxfxc dxscovery, axn't xt? (\eue/) )

AA: should i orn should i not, like, go to the doomsday parnty?? AA: bc ppl arne thrnowing one.

ID: i mean yeah, but i get to die an abomination.

ID: that seems like fun.

AA: to celebrnate ourn I M P E N D I N G DE -- omggg. AA: if you grnow gills, gimme deets!! AA: also, pics. AA: also, yrn bod.

ID: and idk sip.

AA: forn science.

SS: (You're probs gonna get shanked, but X'm, lxke, puttxn that on the 'pros' column.)

SS: (Buxlds character!)

ID: hour 1 of soaking- no gills so far. =:'(

SS: (Well, exther that, or peeps're gonna be fxllxn thexr bucket lxst, xf you get what X mean, xn whxch case, lxke, you should probs dxtch.) SS: (Or maybe throw fxrecrackers at 'em.)

LC: [ I didn't talk about gill growing. Even if YYou got a basement or a room underneath YYour hive should suffice. ] LC: [ I enjoYY celestial objects and observing asteroids but it's so close and so bright even I have a hard time giving YYou an estimation on how bad it is. ]

VC: I can't believe the Empirrre is being so irrresponsible about this asteroid.

VC: Don't they carre if theirrr cannon fodderr gets destrrroyed.

ID: the fleet defense really dropped the ball. i hope heads roll for this.

SS: (Nah, dude, they've always wanted that pesky Mother Grub gone!) SS: (Xt's the perfect opportunxty! (\unu/) )

ID: y'know. other than our meteor smashed in ones.

AA: lmfao. get yrn mind out of a pail forn once, lal. not evernyone's as mad thirnsty as you.

AA: except tc, i guess. >:}

VC: Don't insult poorrr TC like that.

SS: (Dude, X'm the one tellxn you not to go to that xsh!)

LC: [ Well, hopefullYY this asteroid lands at a barren land and doesn't cause major damage to anYYone. ]

VC: What did they everr do to you.

ID: c'mon vc tc is sooo thirsty.

SS: (Sweeps of modern medxa have taught me that that's totes what peeps do at partxes lxke that.)

VC: I can't say I've met them morrre than once.

ID: she said she wants to hear me scream in horror and shit.

VC: ...wow

VC: That's cerrrtainly something.

SS: (And obvx that's a relxable source.)

LC: [ That's the most I can contribute to this discussion. And... oh. That doesn't sound good, ID. ]

SS: (What'd you even do to get on her shxtlxst, pal?)

ID: i told her that she needed to fight me to fight gliese.

VC: Yes, do tell.

VC: If It must die, let it be listening to gossip.

VC: ...why this

ID: and also denied her a lobster date.

LC: [ Lobster date? ]

VC: Why arre some people in this chat rrroom mystifyingly dedicated

VC: To defending the worrrst of bluebloods

SS: (X'm sure there axn't no reason for her to up and be eggxn to take a go at you, after that kxnda dedxcatxon to warnxn her off!)

ID: i like gliese, she fed me and like. in the scope of blues she's decent.

ID: no offense to you lc, you seem like you might be okay?

ID: the jury is still out.

VC: Ughhhh

VC: Well, whateverrr, trrying to arrgue with that jade boy got me nowherre

VC: So I guess I ought to turrn my mind to cheerrrier topics, like impending annihiliation

LC: [ None taken. I personallYY prefer to get along with most others - even if it's a task that I can't alwaYYs achieve. ]

ID: oh hush ss. platonic fighting is a thing.

SS: (X for one, am totes cowerxn xn my boots.) SS: (And shxt, pal, X axn't saxd nothxn 'bout nonplatonxc, here! You're the one up and callxn her thxrsty on accounta just wantxn some good ol' fashxoned screams of paxn and xsh. (\qnq/) )

SS: (What xf she's just, uh. Hard of hearxn??)

SS: (Gotta be real sure she's stabbxn you proper-lxke!)

ID: she told me she wants to shove my head in horse piss so.

ID: that was definitely a thing i had to read.

VC: Haha _wow_

SS: (That's the wrong kxnda thxrsty, pal.)

LC: [ Impending annihilation is not the cheeriest of the topics. ] LC: [ However, if anYYone plans to watch the asteroid I'd suggest using sunglasses, or anYY glasses that got a darkened lense. ] LC: [ If others have them, that is. ]

VC: Why would I want to watch the asterroid. Will seeing it and telling it it's pretty make it sparre me.

SS: (Yeah, dude, but only xf you say xt real nxce-lxke!)

ID: i mean i'm just content to chill in this warm water. fuck looking at our doom.

SS: (None of that passxve aggressxve xsh, thxs asteroxd axn't no floozy!)

VC: Once again you manage to be the tone of nonsense, L - SS.

LC: [ I know there are some who are into that, VC, and it won't reallYY spare anYYone until it lands. ] LC: [ Which, given how far it is from the ground, could be prettYY soon. ]

VC: Joyous

SS: (Whaaat?) SS: (And here X am, offerxn you my advxce and wxdom!)

SS: (Pal! Lxke, hashtag rude.)

VC: Only a blind and deaf pupa would think you had eitherr

AA: ghdfghdfghdfgh AA: oh my gooood, why do you ppl talk so much?

AA: i look away forn, like, five mins and therne's like fifty million msgs.

VC: Well

AA: fuck you, i'm not backrneading.

VC: This is a serrrverr for it

SS: (Gotta entertaxn the crowds you up and left waxtxn, duh!)

ID: we're enjoying our final nights sip, rude.

VC: Last I checked

SS: (Axn't my fault you're up and xnconsxderate!)

LC: [ HopefullYY not the final-final ones. ]

VC: Perrhaps it has been forr emoji-communication only

VC: And I have been misled

AA: T O T A L L Y ourn final nights.

SS: ( (\ouo/) )

SS: ( (\ouo/) )

SS: ( (\ouo/) )

SS: ( (\ouo/) )

AA: emoji only??

LC: [ YYou are all sure a cheerYY crowd. ]

VC: oh god I rrregrrret everrrything

SS: ( (\^u^/) )

ID: i tried ordering room service and apparently like all the hotel staff just ollied out on working.

AA: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

SS: ( (\?^?/) )

LC: [ Uh... ]

SS: ( (\unu/) )

AA: that's bc yrn on the lame continent, hads. AA: this is what happens when you leave the desernt, dude. ppl fucking suck.

SS: ( (\eue/) )

SS: (Hey, waxt!)

LC: [ To be fair, all continents got their advantages. ]

SS: (Fuck you, X'm on shxft rxght now.)

LC: [ And disadvantages. ]

ID: also who here is a nerd scientist. i have questions that i should have asked last night but only figured out after i signed out.

VC: Not I

SS: (Hello, X have my nerd lxcense pendxng!)

LC: [ I am not a nerd scientist, but if it's related to cartographYY or... astrologYY, I might be able to help. ]

SS: (But better'n Sxpa, on accounta her's got revoked when she went jock.)

AA: wow, rnude.

VC: I do courrrierr worrk

VC: And knit things

SS: (X'm under xnvestxgatxon for emo, unfort.)

AA: that's okay, dude, i'm gonna rnough you up and take yrns.

ID: well gee you four seem like you'll be hella useful.

VC: Forr what

AA: stfuuuu, i'm always S U P E RN useful.

VC: Planning a band?

AA: dd on your qqs!!

SS: (Fxrst my horns, now my nerd lxcense!)

VC: Sorrry, neverr learrned an instrrrument

SS: (A real frxend, you are, Sxpa!)

LC: [ Well gee. We _might_ be useful. ]

ID: so if you're a troll who never sleeps in sopor is it safe to just dive right back in to it. because there's a coon here but i slept on the floor.

SS: (Only xf you chug xt.)

AA: sharning is carning, dude.

VC: It might knock you out forr a bit long, but otherrr than that, no.

AA: and - idk, idk, how much you wanna wake up the next evening?

VC: When I firrst came back to it I slept much morre heavily than I was used to

VC: But I got used to it quickly.

VC: Orr well. I guess came back is wrrrong

SS: (You gotta get used to xt real quxck, pal! Acclxmate your bod and xsh!) SS: (By chuggxn some afore you go coon. (\unu/) )

VC: But neverr mind

AA: phern doesn't do soporn and if you put him in a coon, he is out forn, like, H O U RN S. AA: dumped an entirne kettle of watern on his headfluff and he didn't fucking blink.

VC: Ignorrre SS

VC: They don't know anything

AA: ... but then again, he totally didn't chug it.

LC: [ Depends on how long YYou haven't slept in sopor. ] LC: [ I went 1-2 weeks of period without sleeping in sopor at times. ] LC: [ But it got different effects on everYYone. It tends to knock me out for longer. ] LC: [ Also I disagree on chugging it. Don't do it. ]

AA: listen to lal, man, he's the wornd of wisdom herne. >:}

ID: i mean it's been.

SS: (Fuck you, VC, Sxpa and X are totes the certxfxed scxenterrorxsts here.)

ID: we'll just say it's been a long while.

VC: If Laledy is wisdom than the asterrroid should end me now

SS: (Shxt, pal, X bet X've got you beat!)

ID: so good on me for not climbing in.

ID: i mean probably not but sure ss, you get the crown.

SS: (And go stand outsxde and stare at the lxght, Cennef, xt'll do xt's work quxcker that way!)

LC: [ Then hopefullYY other than sleeping for longer than YYou should it shouldn't have anYY side effects. ] LC: [ But if the sopor is gross on the top, clean that off. ]

AA: wait wtf why don't I get a crnown??

VC: I trrreassurre my rremaining moments, spent in the company of idiots they might be.

VC: ...with the exception of ID and LC

AA: lal, soz, i'm also beatin' you forn yrn crnown.

SS: (Dude, xf you're gonna be borxng about the one-up game, at least dd on your ~totes vxctory~.)

LC: [ Cause that's not healthYY to mix with the still decent bits. ]

AA: this is just like a full scale fucking shakedown, apparnently. >:}

ID: sorry lal, no deets, you're too busy fighting for your crown.

SS: (Why are you up and beatxn me up for everythxn??) SS: (You want my wallet, too?) SS: (X got some lxnt, a pxce of gum, and two caegars.)

AA: shit, you gonna give me yrn wallet?

ID: also fuck yeah, i'm not an idiot.

SS: (Thxs just xn: XD tryxn to be edgy, can't be botherxn to be entertaxnxn whxle he's at xt.)

AA: bc, y, then i totes want it.

VC: Unforrrunately he's prrrobably rright.

VC: Given I once took his sorrry carrrcass forr food.

SS: (You're gonna hafta buy me a wallet fxrst, Sxpa, X axn't actually got one.)

SS: (But X'll totes gxve xt to you after!)

AA: uuuuuuuugh.

ID: man sip do you just collect us poor little beggars.

AA: 'kay, so, like, step O N E of the fairn is buying you a wallet. AA: step two is rnoughing you up forn it.

LC: [ FranklYY, sopor is gross and I never can fathom how some trolls out there can turn it into a sopor pie and eat it. ]

VC: What a time-honorrred trrradition

SS: (Dude, VC, that was a date.)

VC: It baffles me too, LC

VC: That was the exact opposite of a date

VC: Emprrress forrrbid

LC: [ It's... toxic. It's known to be toxic to be consumed in such manner. ]

ID: i mean alcohol is toxic too but trolls love glugging it down.

SS: (But xf xt makes you feel better to say you totes meant to get your charxty cred xn afore the asteroxd kxlled us all, X'm down, X'm down.) SS: (See, X'm a nxce guy! (\unu/) )

VC: Alcohol at least doesn't look entirrrely unappetizing

ID: i say it depends on the alcohol.

VC: Warrn me when you'rrre about to actually be funny, Laledy, I nearly hurrrt my own thrroat laughing.

VC: If you'rrre nice then I fearrr forr trollkind

LC: [ That's true - I am not a fan of alcohol to be honest with YYou ID. ] LC: [ There are well. Alot of such things. ]

SS: (Sure, pal, axn't nothxn up and even tolerant 'bout puttxn up wxth some rando rustxe monologuxng 'bout her you totes suck whxle you server her a drxnk.) SS: (TFW workxng customer servxce, tbh.)

ID: some trolls are gonna destroy their thinkpans one way or another! some choose alcohol, or drugs, or sopor pies. or getting hit in it a lot i guess.

AA: y, exactly.

VC: Some spend time with Laledy

VC: He's rright about one thing, if I had any sense, I would have just left

LC: [ Well all those options are unpleasant. Save for the last one, VC. I don't know LaledYY well enough to draw anYY judgements YYet. ]

SS: (Shxt, u rxte!) SS: (X axn't never met Sxpa xn my lxfe!)

VC: Prrray you neverr know him well enough to tell

AA: nah, getting hit in the pan lots is W A Y fun.

ID: all i know about ss is that he seems like a yappy little ankle-biting woofbeast. only his yapping is dirty jokes.

SS: (For me.)

AA: go take a few rnounds, lc. >:}

AA: don't frnont, lal, if someone hit you in the head, it'd, like, pop off. >:P

SS: (Dude, don't put me on front street lxke that!) SS: (X'm sensxtxve 'bout the fact that xt's prosthetxc, axght??)

VC: That's not too farr off, ID

ID: of course not, i'm a good judge of character. =:P

LC: [ ... Well. ] LC: [ I have a feeling that was a quick summarYY YYou just gave there, ID. ] LC: [ And uh, AA, does YYour job involve such incidents happening, or... ]

VC: It does, arrren't you some rrring fighterr orr something, AA

AA: i get paid to pop ppl in the face. it's harnd wornk, but somebody's gotta do it.

AA: >:P

SS: (VC's the best judge a'character, XD, don't even flxp!) SS: (She's exp good at judgxn folks that she's up and throwxn xsh xn the faces off whxle they're tryxn to fxgure out how she lxkes her drxnk.) SS: (#Tfw actually salty abt thxs shxt.)

ID: sip isn't dedicated enough to the cause to pop people in the face for free.

VC: oh wow, did I actually pierrce yourr veneerr of indifferrrence and flippancy

VC: Colorrr me surrprrised

SS: (X'd lxke my asshole cred to be dedxcated to my actual awful qualxtxes, pal!) SS: (X axn't no sellout. (\qnq/) )

SS: (You're ruxnxn my xmage!)

AA: wait, wait, arne we rneffing me orn

VC: I think you've well supplied those.

AA: omfggg, stop using handles, use rneal names. i can't keep up w/ this shit and yrn quirnks. >:{

VC: In my case.

ID: i forget names.

ID: uh. sip. lal? uh.

VC: I admittedly stayed away forrr a while after causing some disputes

ID: i don't even know lc's name.

AA: tattoo them on yrn knuckles!!

SS: (Eyyy, X made the lxst! (\ouo/) )

LC: [ Ah, I see AA. ] LC: [ And just call me YYerman. So YYou don't need to refer to me bYY handle. ]

AA: look, 'kay, if you don't rnemebern names, i'll totes G I V E folks names.

ID: yer it is.

AA: lc, yrn now yern.

VC: So I don't expect people to know mine, and I'm a bit unfamiliarrr with most otherrs

AA: vc, yrn now... foxy.

SS: (Omfg, Cennef, dxd you for cereals get run outta town??)

ID: look at sip. bitching about quirks when hers messes up people's names.

VC: No

SS: (How salty do you gotta be tho.)

CC: my quirnk ain't nevern messed up anybody's name, losern.

SS: (Also, shxt, mb, soz for callxn you by the wrong name, Foxy.)

ID: i mean okay, sorry yern this is your name now.

CC: unlike lals'. >:} is it id or xd?? we just don't know.

SS: (Xt's obvx ecks dee, dude.)

AA: yern is his name, y. totes just established that. AA: trny to keep up!

LC: [ Uh, YYern? That. Well. ]

SS: (Xt's always ecks dee.)

LC: [ Alright, I guess. ]

VC: Oh look, now you've made the poorr cerrulean uncomforrrtable

VC: and if I'm sympathizing, up is down, left is rrright

ID: oh also i'm hadean yern.

AA: uncomfy, orn grnateful that i all went up and imprnoved his shit?

AA: y, yern, i'm siparna.

ID: since no one was nice enough to say my name. =>:I

LC: [ I am not uncomfortable, VC. I just got surprised cause I looked awaYY for a moment. ]

LC: [ I am alright. ]

VC: Oh, you _are_ some sorrrt of prrizefighterr arren't you?

AA: lmfao, soz, frnom now on, i'll totes starnt intrnoducing you F I RN ST.

VC: I know I've hearrd that name somewherre

LC: [ ID, sorrYY, how maYY I call YYou? ]

AA: hadean. >:}

ID: ^^^^

AA: no nicknames, that shit's lame.

VC: ...ugh, wait, I know wherre now

ID: how many times have you nicknamed me sip. =:I

VC: Damn you, Matarrri

VC: Oh well

AA: and y, foxy, i am totes famous. wicked mad famous. so famous you've prnobs got a coonpillow w/ my face on it.

VC: Ha

AA: if you do, btw, take pics, that's fucking weirnd.

VC: No

AA: arne you surne.

AA: and haaaads. AA: yrn nickname is like, a show of ourn special cornpse buddy bond, duh.

VC: I can't knit one, so it holds no interrrest forr me

ID: oh well in that fucking case i suppose i can accept it.

LC: [ Ah, alright. Thanks. ] LC: [ And I am afraid mYY coon pillows don't meet that rating AA. TheYY all got map prints on them. ]

VC: ...so you can find wherrre to go to sleep everry day?

VC: I'd think you wouldn't get lost doing _that_

AA: lmfao, well, _good_. AA: and mb they'rne blind, foxy.

ID: you fancy trolls and your coon pillows.

AA: yrn trnying to grnow gills in a bathtub, dude, don't starnt shit abt coon pillows.

AA: S O M E O F U S use coonpillows to cope. AA: with not having giant ass ablution trnaps. >:'{

LC: [ VC. ] LC: [ I wouldn't want to go into that, thank YYou. ] LC: [ And uhm, definitelYY not blind. Well. ]

VC: Maybe I'm a deep-dwelling fuchsia, Siparra

VC: Somehow I doubt it

VC: See?

ID: man i gotta admit this ablution trap is the fucking best.

ID: it's been like five perigees since i got hot water sip let me enjoy this. =>:I

LC: [ I am onlYY blind if I don't find mYY glasses. Because mYY vision gets blurrYY. ] LC: [ Other than that, I am fine. ]

VC: _Five perrigees_ ?

VC: What on Alterrrnia have you been doing, ID.

LC: [ And YYou should totallYY enjoYY YYour hot water, Hadean. ]

ID: traveling. using the rain. or barrels.

VC: Maybe the asterrroid will cull some unforrrtunate sap and you can take theirrr hive, if it doesn't get the lot of us

AA: hot watern's pointless unless you add B U B B L E S.

AA: did you add bubbles??

ID: i got fucking water jets in this thing.

ID: which is superior to bubbles.

LC: [ That's indeed, superior. ] LC: [ And five sweeps is a long time. YYou definitelYY deserve that. ] LC: [ ... Is the asteroid still in the air? It should have landed bYY now, or so I think. ]

ID: i dunno. i'm busy in the bath so some other loser look.

VC: LC, he said _perigees_

VC: ...not to be pedantic

VC: Except I am

VC: Oh well

VC: Hang me laterr orr wait forr the asterroid forr my impudence, orr something

ID: no i have now never been in hot water for five sweeps.

LC: [ Perigees or not, anYYone deserves a good hot water time. ] LC: [ ... Given the troll in question is not the scum of Alternia, that is. ]

SS: (Wow, pal, that's some srs shade you're throwxn, there!)

VC: ...what standarrrds do you have forr scum

LC: [ I should have clarified that last bit, but seriouslYY, there are trolls who go out of their waYY to just mutilate and harm others* who didn't offend them for no good reason. ]

LC: [ Or caused them no harm. Or no issues. ]

ID: hahah mmm just gonna enjoy this hot water.

SA: define offend.

VC: Prrobably hit them overr the head

VC: That generrrally classifies offense on Alterrnia

VC: That orr stealing my god damned yarrn, which is unforrrgivable

VC: also hello SA, I don't think I've seen you beforrre

LC: [ Offend as in, didn't hurt their emotions or them phYYsicallYY. ]

LC: [ This is a complex subject I brought mYYself into, isn't it. ]

SA: hello. You haven't.

VC: Congrrrats forr noticing, LC.

VC: Morrralls arren't always clearr-cut, who knew.

ID: welcome to the chatroom then sa. it's kinda busy right now.

SA: many trolls have a fragile ego, anything could be a would to their emotions. I admire your ability to continue digging this hole, LC.

VC: That it is.

VC: HA

VC: Okay, I like this one

LC: [ Thanks, but no need for the sass. ] LC: [ Well, exactlYY. So I feel like I should stop digging this hole now. ]

ID: i'm offended by yern's definition of offense.

VC: Oh my

VC: Shall you duel him overr it

LC: [ WhYY exactlYY? ]

ID: no because that would make me scum apparently. =:'(

VC: Just like with that jade boy?

VC: HA

VC: Oh yes, we can't have that

VC: Is your ego frrragile as well, as SA mentioned

ID: well lc is seeing everything from a blueblood lens.

LC: [ Well I can't think about everYY possible exceptions that exist on Alternia. ]

VC: Mm, trrue

ID: it's different.

LC: [ I trYY to see the world not just through cerulean and blueblooded lenses, but alas I am aware that task is not easYY to achieve. ]

VC: Well, crredit forr being awarrre, I suppose

LC: [ There are things I might overlook unintentionallYY, so forgive me for that. ]

SA: I've already decided i'm going to nitpick everything you say and we've just met.

SA: I'm very sorry.

ID: well at least you apologized for being privileged.

VC: This sounds verry enterrtaining

LC: [ Well I am positive that decision is not exactlYY... A good one, SA. ]

AA: oh my god.

AA: sa, i've decided yrn my new fave.

AA: what arne we nitpicking??

VC: LC's errrorrs

SA: their many errors.

SA: It may not be a good one but it has yet to yield a majority unpopular result.

LC: [ I am onlYY a troll, just like everYYone else. ]

ID: uh not like everyone else, you're blue. duh.

LC: [ No one is perfect, and I'd be a fool to claim that I am. ]

VC: SA is cleverr and plays the crrowd

LC: [ Well I can't help about the blood colour I was born with, and no one else can. ]

VC: Clearly we have an experienced crritic herre

ID: you'll see when soaking in this tub turns me violet.

SA: perhaps you should use a tinted bathbomb, it may yield faster results, ID.

LC: [ ... Well I feel like I should bid mYY farewell for now and keep an eYYe out for this meteor. ]

VC: If you grrow gills I support Siparra dissecting you

VC: Forr science

ID: fucking rude vc.

VC: what

VC: I just want to ~add to ourr pool of knowledge~

VC: Orr whateverr scientists say

ID: hahah bye lc i think we overwhelmed they guy.

SA: goodbye, LC. Next time I would like your name.

VC: Yerrrman

VC: ...Yerman

ID: i want my soft squishy body in one piece.

VC: That's his name

AA: n, foxy, yrn getting it wrnong.

AA: jfc, drnag a guy A N D fuck up his name, why don't you?

AA: his name's yern.

AA: sa. jsyk. >:}

VC: Oh of courrrse

VC: My bad

VC: Yes, SA, his name is clearrly Yer, ignore everrrything else.

AA: yern!!!

VC: Yernman.

VC: Ha

SA: ...Yern...

SA: I am sorry.

VC: Forr what

VC: You didn't brrring the asterroid did you

VC: In that case you should be sorrrry

VC: For strrressing us all out

SA: yes, i used astronomically scaled telekinesis and a number of steroids to rip something in space into our orbit to terrorize strangers.

SA: I haven't heard of any asteroid. did something happen?

VC: what

VC: have you not looked out yourrr window

ID: or read any newsfeed.

SA: i've spent the last few days in relative isolation, actually. Playing my handheld.

ID: oh great we got another nerd in here didn't we.

ID: what flavor nerd are you?

SA: the completionist kind.

SA: what kind of nerd are you?

VC: Completing what, though

VC: HA

TC: !s Hadea~ be!~g a~ ass aga!~

ID: i'm the not a nerd kind.

VC: Hadean's a wanderring nerrd, I'd say

ID: oh god she's back.

VC: oh, is this yourr violently amorrrous pitch suitorrr

RS: | Hahaha | I think He Is | Judging from What I Just Read | RS: | Or | Well | RS: | Not Moreso than Anyone Else | ? |

RS: | | Violently Amorous Pitch Suitor | ? |

TC: Excuse me?

SA: games. I complete games a hundred percent. A wandering nerd would be useful, knowing all sorts of jeopardy facts about travel.

SA: is this gossip?

TC: !D what have you bee~ tell!~g people about me?

ID: i mean i travel but i'm not good at remembering shit about where i've been.

ID: oh i just shared some of your comments.

ID: y'know. the horror screams and horse piss ones.

RS: | The | What | Piss Ones |

RS: |- What -|

ID: tc just wants to drown me in horse urine, nbd.

SA: that's. disgusting.

VC: It is, isn't it

RS: | That's not Pitch | That's Simply Alarming |

VC: I was joking, Pheres

RS: | TC | I am Disappointed | =:( |

VC: Honest pitch is rrarrely founded by disgusting thrreats, haha

VC: And oh, you like games, SA?

VC: What kind?

RS: | Oh | I don't Know | You would Be Surprised | Cennef | RS: | Especially | at Some of the Residents of This Server |

ID: all because i told tc she had to fight me if she wanted to fight gliese. =:'(

SA: most pitch relationships are violent pranks and misaligned intentions. it is about being pointlessly mean, as children are.

SA: VC, I play pokemon.

VC: !!!!

VC: so do I!

VC: Though I usually call it Fiduspawn, haha

RS: | | Is It | ? | RS: | I don't Think It Is | SA | If You will Pardon My Interruption |

VC: And pfft, SA

VC: How old arre you, then

SA: how old are you?

VC: 9 sweeps

SA: older.

VC: Well goodness

SA: by one sweep.

RS: | It's more About Rivalry | Isn't It | ? |

SA: 😃

VC: I didn't rrealize we werre - ha

RS: | Hahaha |

VC: Not THAT much olderr then

SA: no, but enough i could be nitpicky about it. Also, I don't think that is the intention of blackrom, no. But I think that's wha ti becomes. my roommate experienced something like that in his blackrom.

SA: what are you experiences?

VC: Mm, technically I've neverr had a pitch

ID: a good rivalry is hard to find and a lot of trolls just settle for whoever is a jerk to them.

VC: But my ideal one would be a strrrong rivalrrry wherre we both encourrage each other to become betterrr

TC: ! sta~d by my words to Hadea~

VC: Otherrwise it would be borrring

TC: Horse p!ss a~d all

SA: horse piss has nothing to do with becoming better.

VC: Oh, I'm so glad you felt the need to rrreiterrate that

VC: It really doesn't

SA: unless it doubles as a radioactive spiderbite and gives you superpowers.

VC: Perrhaps you want to look up some pitchrrrom tips, TC

SA: which I doubt.

VC: Ha

VC: Even if it did

VC: Is that RRREALLY worrrth it

TC: You're ~ot fu~~y VC, !'m ~ot p!tchfl!rt!~g

RS: | Oh | I don't Think | RS: | My Blackroms have been Dreadful | Haha | But | It's a Relationship | ! | There has to be Something More Appealing about Someone | RS: | Than Merely Their Ability to Infuriate You | Otherwise | Why would You ever Stick Around | ? |

SA: I asked my roommate tha tsame thing.

VC: Gosh, you don't mind my charrmingly light-pumperred barrbs amusing? Woe.

SA: anyone can infuriate someone. It is not hard.

SA: clearly i am pitch for

SA: yern.

VC: HA

SA: ?

VC: I don't think much of yourrr taste, SA

VC: what does a mild cerrulean have to offerrr you in way of rrrivalrry

VC: See how easily he backed off?

RS: | Haha | RS: | I don't Know | I could Ship It | =:P |

VC: _Rreally_, Pherrres

VC: You arre such a dorrrk

SA: Nothing, but they are an example of how easy it is to say anything remotely negative is a black flirtation. like RS said.

SA: please do not ship it.

RS: | Yes | ! | Look at That | Ah | RS: | Mildly Contentious Ire | that was On-Going | RS: | Clearly Romcom Material |

VC: Ha

SA: also what ID said, I apologize. This is the busiest thing i've seen in a long time.

SA: It is cozy

ID: ahahah might have fallen asleep in the bath.

ID: nearly rip me.

SA: remove yourself.

TC: stay !~ the bath

TC: Fall asleep some more

ID: and there's tc being tc again.

SA: that was a not very subtle wish for their demise.

TC: Fuck off

SA: i ship this.

TC: That was - what, ~o

ID: eww.

SA: 😂

ID: no one is allowed to ship me. =:I

TC: That's d!sgust!~g a~d you should feel bad, SA

VC: Not even in a charrming pale orrr ashen quad? Darrn

VC: Therre go my plans

ID: wait what.

RS: | Oh My |

SA: I'm only teasing.

ID: vc better be kidding too.

VC: clearrrly I'm _100%_ serrrious

VC: so serrrious

VC: you don't even know

RS: | Your Ashen Aspirations are as Clear as the Murdercomet Soaring Through Our Skies |

VC: Maybe I have an entirrre shipping wall

RS: | It is Too Late | They have been Unveiled |

ID: pff ashen what.

VC: Gasp

ID: hard pass.

VC: Pherres has caught me out

SA: who are you shipped with, VC?

VC: Haha

VC: No one!

SA: liar.

VC: No, rreally

RS: | She Said | Her Plans have been Dashed | of a Charming Pale or Ashen Quad |

VC: I have somehow escaped that - hahaha

RS: | I am Making No Assumptions Here | RS: | Only Taking Her at Her Word | =:B |

VC: except forrr my clearrrly entirely serrious inclinations towarrrd Hadean.

ID: oh pelase schoolfeed us pheres. master of quads.

RS: | Only if You Say Please |

ID: i just fucking did.

RS: | I am Not Certain | what Pelase Is |

VC: Oh please, grrreat Pherrres, masterrr of quads

ID: smartmouth. =:I

VC: do tell us yourrr wisdom.

RS: | =:B |

RS: | | Wait | What Wisdom | ? |

RS: | I have Lost Track of This Joke |

VC: I'm surrre we will all benefit.

ID: your wisdom of alll the quads.

VC: About quads, you absurrrd dweeb.

ID: you're more successful than us poor pupas.

VC: Werre you not paying attention.

VC: Clearrly we all need your guidance.

ID: with our bleak empty quads.

SA: a negligent teacher.

ID: =:'(

VC: Except perrhaps SA, who seems to be a harrdened veterran

SA: yes, with my many quadrants. All filled. all flawless.

ID: sa is the idol we must all aspire to.

SA: hell no.

SA: i am not allowed to have quadrants. simple.

VC: SA, why won't you accept ourrr - what

SA: it leaves plenty of room for judgement

VC: Why

RS: | Haha | Oh My | RS: | SA has to Share Their Wisdom | ! | I could Give You Advice | But

RS: | Wait | Why | ? |

SA: i'm more interested in RS's advice.

ID: ahahah no romance because judgement. that's new.

SA: I mean because i can make no relationship faux pas i can judge you all i'd like.

VC: Hah

RS: | I am More Interested in Your Advice | ! | So I am Afraid | We are at an Impasse |

ID: sa has no advice so cough up yours pheres.

ID: no backing out now.

ID: we said please.

RS: | Oh | Heavens |

IA: Is every-one sharing relati-onship advice?

ID: not everyone, just pheres.

RS: | | I've Only Got One Quadrant | You Two are Exceptionally Silly | RS: | I don't Think My Advice will prove Exceptionally Sage | in Light of That |

RS: | Yes | We are Absolutely |- ALL -| Sharing Relationship Advice |

RS: | Please Start | IA |

ID: you've never had any other quads ever? =:/

IA: --Oh dear

ID: share the one quad knowledge then! plenty of sageness to ingest.

RS: | I mean | Of Course I've had Past Quadrants | RS: | But | So have You | ! |

IA: Always kn-ow where y-our quadrants live in case -of emergencies?

ID: ahahah guess again.

ID: my quads are salted withered husks.

RS: | Oh | Come On | RS: | You've never Had a Quadrant At All | ? | Ever | ? | RS: | You're Older than I | Aren't You | ? |

RS: | And | IA | Haha | RS: | That is Sage Advice | I will Second | =:) |

ID: nah. i'm just not a good catch clearly!

SA: what salt did you use for that? himalayan pink or sea?

RS: | Oh | RS: | | I'm sure It's Not That | Haha | You are Perfectly Lovely | and Will Find Someone Eventually |

CC: I mean, I haven't ever had a pro=per quadrant! CC: But I think I'm also= yo=under than yo=u, Pheres. ／(=⌒x⌒=)＼ CC: So= it pro=bably do=esn't co=unt fo=r much.

RS: | For Each Square |

ID: the salt that burns your feet if you step on it bare.

SA: delicious.

RS: | ! | ! | ! | How have You |- NOT -| had a Quadrant | Kit | ? | RS: | That seems Implausible |

CC: !!

RS: | Or | Like Everyone You Know has Exceptionally Dreadful Taste |

CC: I mean, I've dated peo=ple before!

VC: What have you all been doing, I've had a matesprit and a moirail and I spent six sweeps of my life almost entirely isolated

ID: man look at pheres so much more baffled by cc. it's almost like they don't think i'm a good catch.

CC: It just never really wo=rked o=ut?

ID: =:'( =:'( =:'(

SA: VC Show us the way.

IA: Perhaps it just never has happened?

VC: hah

VC: They did not worrk out

IA: I haven't held a quadrant in sweeps.

VC: Though both did last for sweeps

VC: So they werrre good rrrelationships

VC: But unforrtunately even good things end

ID: ...this better not be a joke where your quads were actually your fronds all along.

IA: It's n-ot a particularly bad thing if -one d-oes n-ot have a quadrant.

VC: Wow, and I thought nobody could be morrre tasteless than Laledy

VC: Good job

SA: your life is neither jeopardized or enriched by not having one, as a child.

VC: You outdid him

RS: | Haha | Oh | Dear |

ID: what, you've never heard a quad-frond joke vc.

ID: or seen the memes.

RS: | Please Do Not Show These Memes |

SA: "the real quads were the friends we made a long the way"

CC: Pheres, I'm pretty sure that saying that's ho=w yo=u get peo=ple to sho=w them.

ID: oh please pheres it's just a picture of a hand with a caption that they just broke up with their mate usually.

CC: ／(=´x`=)＼

ID: followed by a picture of the opposite frond saying their black relationship is still healthy as ever.

VC: Lorrd

RS: | Good Heavens |

IA: S-o, why were we sharing relati-onship advice?

ID: pheres still hasn't really.

RS: | Oh | Hmph | RS: | Fine | My Relationship Advice | is | RS: | | Um |

RS: | Hm |

IT: Have MANY of little ConsequenCe?

RS: | | A Little Less Talking | goes a Long Way | ? | Haha |

VC: oh no

RS: | That | and Having a Great Many of Little Consequence |

VC: You don't get to give relationship advice at all, Orrrpheo

ID: WOW YOUR ADVICE SUCKS.

IA: That's c-onfusing advice.

VC: though I'm not sure you could do worrse than Pherres

VC: I'm disappointed, Pherrres

ID: even i know that the key to a good relationship is communication.

IT: I was not! I was refering to Dysseu's relationships!

RS: | Haha | RS: | Excuse Me | ? |

IT: I have not HAD a serendipitous relationship, VC >:O

IA: --Oh dear

RS: | I haven't Had a Great Deal | I have Had Two Moirails | And One Matesprit | and Two Pitch Suitors | RS: | That is the Opposite of a Great Deal |

RS: | So | Please Do not Cast False Aspersions |

IT: I wouldst ne'er Cast Fals Aspersions

IT: Thou knowst this

VC: Wow, I am so shocked by this inforrmation, Orrrpheo

RS: | Also | My Advice is Perfectly Fine | Hadean | RS: | There is No Point in Talking Too Much | And Over-Complicating Things | RS: | As Sir Orpheo Enjoys Doing |

VC: Shocked and rrelieved

ID: woowww pheres. woowwww.

IT: Thou dost seem familiar, VC

ID: you think not talking to your moirails a lot is good?

IT: I assure thee, I meant no harm to thy quadrantmate or thyself

VC: What, me? Neverr - what

IA: I'm afraid I agree with ID -on this.

RS: | Talking to Them Too Much is an Entirely Separate Problem |

IA: Talking t-o y-our quads and feeling c-omf-ortable talking t-o them is imp-ortant.

ID: hahah woowww.

RS: | I did Not Say | You should Avoid Speaking to Them Entirely | RS: | Refuse to Ever Lay Your Eyes Upon Them | RS: | There is Just Something to be Said | For Avoiding Co-Dependence | With Your Quadrants |

RS: | That is All | =:| |

ID: uh-uh. =:/

IA: I d- n-ot think it's a particularly bad thing, if the tw-o inv-olved are receptive en-ough t-o -one an-other and it d-oes n-ot upset -one -of them.

RS: | Oh | Make Your Line-Faces | Hadean | RS: | You'll see What I Mean When You Get One | =:) |

IA: Alth-ough I d-o fully rec-ognize that I d-on't have much experience. I've -only ever had -one m-oirail.

ID: ohh i could throw some harsh shade right now.

ID: but i'm nice! so i won't!

IT: Prithee, do so!

RS: | Yes | Please |

VC: go forrr it

RS: | I am Sure We are All Riveted to Hear Your Fascinating Insights | RS: | on Quadrants that You have Never Had |

ID: you sure about that pheres.

RS| =:P |

VC: I'm surre I'll be enterrtained

ID: i mean. you had two moirails.

IT: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh

ID: haaaddd.

IT: 😮 😮 😮

IA: --Oh dear

RS: | Haha | RS: | Yes | And One is Deceased | And | Well | RS: | Sipara is Sipara |

RS: | I am Afraid You will Have to Try Harder than That |

RS: | If You Want to Give Shade | =:B |

ID: i mean how do you lose sip?

ID: she seems the type to put up with a lot of shit!

IT: I also feel out of synC! Thou and Sipara have separated? Didst ask a surgeon to do the deed?

ID: i guess by not talking to her because you fear getting close to her.

RS: | Heavens | You Know Her So Well | Hadean | Clearly |

IA: IT, I d-on't believe they mean medically seperated, but have br-oken up as quadrant mates.

RS: | | Hahaha | RS: | Yes | I Meant That | =:B |

RS: | We have been Separated Since Her Delightful Little Romp with Muireach | RS: | So | Ah | A Perigee or Three |

IT: Nay, I didst mean it as a joke as well! But ahhh, hm.

ID: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i think deflecting blame on to anyone but yourself is an issue everyone has with you so i won't take it personally pheres.

VC: Oh my

VC: Quite the statement to thrrrow arround, Hadean

VC: What's yourr rrebuttal, Pherres

ID: aww man i probably super upset him. it's just words!

RS: / as always / I am a bit busy / dealing with / oh / Work / ? / RS: / But my rebuttal is / LOL / RS: / Go bicker with Cennef / Hadean /

RS: / instead of repeating Lucina's tripe / =:) /

ID: someone who knows him confirm if his changed quirk means he's upset.

VC: Well, you heard the man, he said LOL

VC: The greatest trump of all

RS: / why in the world / would it mean I'm upset / ? / RS: / That is silly / Haha /

RS: / and / yes / precisely / =:P /

ID: you're still quirking weird so. =:/ so i feel like. upset.

ID: you do know it's okay to tell someone to, y'know. back off and shit.

VC: ...in all serriousness I concurr with Hadean

RS: / oh / heavens / does changing my quirk for convenience bother you that much / ? / RS: | Here | Then |

ID: most trolls don't just up and change their quirks! it makes the rest of us. uh.

ID: uneasy.

RS: | Well | Heaven Forbid that You Feel Uneasy | RS: | We can't Have That |

VC: How _darre_ you do such a thing, Pherres

VC: Inconsiderrate

VC: How could you inflict this sufferrring on a poorrr unforrtunate trroll.

ID: ugh. =:/ i'm sorry if i got too harsh on you.

RS: | No | That's Fine | That is Merely Your Personality | RS: | Perhaps You should Apologise for Your Insistence on Prying into My Romantic Life | Instead | ? | RS: | Or | Mm | Explain | ? | =:\ |

ID: first off the shit with emerel was kinda. trying to figure out if there was a way to get him to stop without telling him flat out to stop?

ID: because with usual trolls flinging another quad in to things will end shit right down.

RS has attached ACTUALLYWORKING.PNG to the chat! RS: / mm / might I remind you that you and Lucina contacted Emerel /- PRIOR -/ to any of your ill advised shenanigans with him / ? /

RS: / the picture is to save comments on my supposed state of upset / just so you know / =:1 /

ID: oh well that was because you called me a liar.

RS: / oh / heavens / because you are a paragon of honesty / and your honour felt besmirched / ? /

ID: damn straight.

ID: also why are you working when the world is gonna end.

RS: | =:1 |

ID: well pheres, tell me when i have lied! if i am such a liar.

RS: | We're not going to Die to An Asteroid | That would be Silly | RS: / And / Mm / I don't Think I Need To /

RS: / especially / Since You just Did / =:1 /

ID: uh-huh, we'll see when we're all dead.

ID: i did?

LL: Dude, speak for YOURSELF. If that thing gets any CLOSER, I'm BOOKING it.

LL: Fuck THIS joint, I got other places I can be.

ID: well now you have to take us all with you ll!

LL: SORRY, dude, there's only ONE ID I'm dragging up with me, and it's not YOU.

LL: Find your OWN ride! Mine's all FULL.

RS: / yes / ! / RS: / and / well / make sure you stop by before you flee for your life / LL / ! / you wouldn't want to miss the fair /

ID: aww fuck it. guess we all have to die sometime.

ID: when did i lie?

LL: Of COURSE! LL: Faire first, THEN abandoning the planet.

LL: I promised you a SWORD, didn't I? >:D

RS: | Haha | Finally | She Made a Selection and I am Free to Type Properly | RS: | It Took Her Long Enough |

RS: | And You Did | ! | =:B |

ID: still wanna know where i lied. =:I

RS: | You are Awfully Het Up about That | Aren't You | ? |

ID: can't just call a troll a liar without proof!

LL: PRETTY sure he was talking about the end of the world thing, dude.

RS: | Absolutely |

ID: uh-huh. =:/

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them ) 

hllo this is my second child i think theyre p grand n i love them a lot. as always pls like if u’d like to plot i’d lov to interact with everybody

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: homosexual.

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances. 

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay! 

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years. 

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe. 

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost. 

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.