#i also used all my spell slots that session which was not fun but also i ran out at the end so nothing too terrible

[isaacathom]

the fun thing about having both my oc's character sheet and a relevant npc's character sheet is that i can look at them and go, hmn. yeah that npc couldnt kill me unless the stars aligned

cause at one point mariela wanted naielle dead. was fully out for blood. the only thing stopping her was/is the geas-esque effect imposed by their shared warlock patron.

removing the geas is necessary for making it remotely viable, because mariela flatly cannot do enough damage in a single instance to outpace geas, and the best way for her to stop naielle from killing her back would be hold person, which is almost guaranteed to drop if she's taking geas damage throughout.

so you have to remove the geas, which broadly supposes that naielle has voided her own pact and not marielas. so we already have a point of 'well, it has to go that way' and while thats not impossible at all, its not the only way things will go.

naielle HAS to be out of the pact entirely for this to remotely work, too, because mariela NEEDS to remove her radiant resistance. her only damaging spell in significant amounts is guiding bolt, which is useless against naielle as a celestial warlock. you NEED that resistance gone to stand a chance.

but even then - mariela's a warlock too. she can only do guiding bolt so many times. 3, in fact. 3 regulars wont do it. it MIGHT, but the room of error is so small.

the best way to do it, in my mind, would be to use slot one to hold person, and take advantage of the auto crit w/i 5ft to launch 2 guiding bolts straight to the dome. 32d6+8, bam.

except this requires naielle to fail, at minimum, 3 wisdom saves. if she succeeds on even one of them, you lose an autocrit and are now w/i 5ft of a woman who, while down her warlock spells, still has a sword and a dragon king in her pocket. you need her to fail every single wis save.

now, i dont know how you'd rule the proficiency bonus of a classless individual (since if naielle isnt a warlock... well... ?). it might depend on circumstance, when mariela tries this. if naielles not a warlock, there was talk that she'd be made a fighter for a few sessions before becoming a sorcerer (long story). if shes in either, then wisdom fails are entirely doable, since she'd only have a +2. if she's still using the proficiency from her being a warlock (ie if mariela tries this immediately after naielle stops being a warlock), then mariela is fucked.

its possible. but still, 3 failed wisdom saves. marielas dc is only, what, 17? naielle still has a like 75% ish chance to get one of them. and even one success immediately fucks the plan. its not impossible, but its not great.

now a depowered naielle is NOT capable of killing mariela, ignoring the fact that naielle is not particularly inclined to do so, even if mariela is literally murdering her. naielles stubborn. but if she gets a turn off, she'll have to ability to alert people. and at that point shits fucked. like to get this to work, and stay working, you gotta kill her and keep her dead for over a minute. good luck?

an option for that is to remove her from the jade sea entirely, aware from the crew, and maybe just merc her in the astral sea. thats one of your spell slots spent just getting her there, assuming she doesnt manage to succeed on the check to Not Be Grabbed? like eg if its plane shift (which mariela wouldnt have access to, but lets not quibble), an unwilling creature has to hit with a melee spell attack (admittedly not hard here, her ac is only 16, marielas got over 50% chance to hit), and then fail a charisma save. even if naielle is no longer proficient with cha saves, its her highest stat. its not a sure bet. also if you use plane shift like that she gets banished on her own, you dont go with her and continue the fight. so you'd have to finagle.

removing naielle from the primary source of her power (her warlock patron) and her defences (the crew) are basically both required. if shes on her own in the astral sea, well. but llso! dragon king in pocket! if you start really wailing on her, and shes alone, if she gets the slightest chance she's going to do something with that orb, and she wont be happy about it afterwards but it might just give her the means to escape.

a LOT has to go marielas way to kill naielle, is all im saying. you'd want to get her out of the pact, remove her from the fleet, and ideally separate her from both the dragon orb AND her mindflayer sword, which SHE CAN USE TO PLANE SHIFT. Even if you're not on a different plane in this fight, Naielle might panic and peace the fuck out. you'd have to chase her. thats another spell slot.

fully mariela couldnt kill naielle unless she had help. maybe using a summon spell could help, get a creature restraining her, things of this nature. you have to completely disarm her. and if you did, and she's alone, and theres noone to save her, you would be forced to just like. eldritch blast her down. it would be a pathetic fight. it wouldnt be satisfying. it would be slow and painful and it would linger if shes trying to escape, and if shes not, thats not fucking satisfying either. no way thats what mariela would want. she might even give up after a bit of that.

probably easier overall to just kidnap her or smth. dont stop anywhere, just take her back or smth. she can be executed no problem. but mariela doing it herself is just going to be a miserable affair for everyone involved, including her.

[collectivecloseness]

When it comes to smut with kurt, everyone always writes something along the lines of " when you first made out with him he almost h̶e̶ t̶o̶t̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ d̶i̶d̶ creamed his pants" but I've never seen anyone write a scenario about it. So Do you think he would actually cream his pants or what exactly do you think will happen

I’ve actually written this before!! In my fic “We Can Still Have Fun” which is on my ao3! I’ll have to upload them all to tumblr as well at some point.

In this fic he cums early from partly the kiss, but there had also been a lot leading up to it. I’ll paste a section of the fic here below, about this specific part, although definitely go check the full fic out for context! And for more smut in a similar direction of this ask, as a full 9k fic haha

Also, if you want another blurb written, specifically about Kurt just creaming his pants from a good make out session alone, literally pop it in my ask box and I’ll write about that too ;)

~

His mouth was hung open dumbly, eyes hooded, until you put your panties right in his face. “You like sniffing women’s underwear huh? Like a dirty stalker?” Kurt sniffed in a teary way and you could tell the tears were just being held back, but he drank in the smell, eyes closed as he breathed in, rubbing his face against the cloth comfortingly like a blanket. “Only yours.”

You ripped his comforter out of his face, making him look at you and take in what he was admitting to. “You’re a really bad boy Kurt.” You hadn’t expected that to make the floodgates burst again, his face scrunching up before he began to cry properly now, but you could tell he absolutely lapped it up at the same time. “Stealing my used panties just to spill your tiny load into. How pathetic can you get?” He cried more, shaking his hair out his face as his fingers rubbed up and down the small section of your stomach daintily, innocently. “I bet you’d cum just from one touch of my hand on your dick.”

Kurt whimpered harder, hips gyrating into the bed, “P-please y/n... n-n-need you...” he begged needily, fingers itching at your stomach now, knees almost buckling under you.

You leant in closer to his face. “I don’t know if a dirty boy like you deserves to cum under me.”

He moaned harder.

“I’ll have to see if I want to use you or not, now I can’t touch myself through those panties anymore.”

Kurt whimpered, licking up his tears, his ass shifted more into the bed, he couldn’t stay still.

“Now you’ve dirtied them I can’t even touch them.” You scoffed. “But I guess I should touch you?” You asked sarcastically, but Kurt couldn’t answer, he was so under your spell.

With that you leaned forward and finally pressed your lips against his. It wasn’t a deep make out session in the slightest. But you slotted your warm lips in with his, noting how wet his mouth was. He breathed out hot needy pants into your own, once he remembered to breathe after you were initially just moving your lips against his. You slid your lower lip under his upper one in the short kiss when you felt something damp flop against you.

When you pulled back Kurt was full on sobbing, and you looked down to see his load all over his legs and stomach, and some on your jeans as well. His dick, while still somewhat half hard, had fallen back between both of your laps, and you looked up at him stunned. Both his hands were still on your torso, having not moved.

“I-I-“ he breathed in shakily “I’m sorry!” He sobbed, and you looked at him genuinely surprised. “I-! I didn’t mean to!” Kurt wailed hard, hiccuping on his breaths. You didn’t mean to either, not to make him cum yet, and he seemed to have found it just as unexpected as you.

He’d cum just from you kissing.

He was bawling pathetically by this point, and he was an ugly crier, snot dripped out his nose and his eyes were red, lips puffy and swollen, as he shook out more cries. You noticed his dick was still half hard though.

“It’s okay.” You finally said, a smile painting itself on your lips. “It’s alright Kurtie.” You stood up and Kurt’s hand trailed from your stomach, still reaching out as you left, looking up at you desperately, but you kept smiling at him, going over to his desk where a box of tissues was, and wiping at his nose first. You gave him the tissue once you’d dabbed a little, “Blow” you encouraged, watching him clean up his face even as he still sobbed quietly some, only stopping as he noticed you’d gone straight from handing him a tissue, to cleaning up the mess he’d left on your, and then his leg. He’d stopped crying completely by the time he watched you gently move a new tissue down his stomach, cleaning him off. You left his dick as it was though.

Even as he was crying it’d only gotten fully erect again, he probably liked some if not all of this.

“It’s perfectly okay beautiful boy.” You praised and reassured him, gently leading a hand to his cheek as he’d so wanted before. And he gratefully took it, burying his cheek into your palm with a soft moan, relaxing more, which meant his hips had started thrusting into the air again, as you gently stroked his soft skin. “I think it’s hot you came without being touched. Just by me kissing you.”

His moan was less soft this time. His hand finding purchase on your stomach yet again, but this time gaining a little more confidence, his thumb and forefinger needily pulling at the hem of your shirt.

“Don’t worry” you got him to look at you with that, and he licked his salty lips with anticipation “we can still have fun.”

With that, you shoved his chest down, making him lie flat on his back as you crawled closer, smirking. “Think I can kiss you again without creaming yourself Kunkle?”

Kurt licked his lips for a different reason this time, nodding fervently as you kissed him again. He was sloppy, very over eager, you weren’t actually sure if he’d ever kissed someone before, but it was cute. He jammed his tongue down your throat, moaning loudly as he excitedly tried to explore your mouth. It even went outwards a little, licking at your chin as he tried to touch you with his mouth as much as he could. You settled him a little by sucking on his tongue, making him slow down, even as you could feel your cheeks getting wet from how big he was trying to make the kiss.

You pulled back, a trail of spit connecting your two lips that was definitely mostly from him, as you felt his hand tugging more desperately at your shirt. “Pl-please can you take it off?” He whined.

[respitelocklyre]

⚠️ Failed to post due to network connectivity issues. Please check that your connection is stable and try again.

[The following session summary is set up as a series of fast-paced tweets from Respite's private account, none of which posted successfully.]

>Heyyy so this is a longshot but does anyone here know spells that can undo, like, idk... transmutation magic? I think I messed w some fae shit and now im tiny and trapped inside an enchanted dollhouse lol [Attached are pictures of gigantic furniture, as seen from through a window, presumably from inside said dollhouse]

>As if my date night hasnt been going badly enough im gonna kms

>Okay for some context, if u follow my insta or dinkdonk u know im at the seelie market tonight and everything seemed rlly fun but it turns out there's some dark shit happening. so we wanted to snoop more while their main show was going on.

>(like ENSLAVEMENT kinda dark shit btw- we're trying to help ppl! there's a hag running the market and holding ppl hostage!! including my friend's sister maybe!!! I promise I'll have a whole other post abt that later tho lol)

>Anyways i talked to the guy running the ring toss & he said the show would be like 30min but didn't know if the big bad boss lady (Madame) would be there or not so we were being sooooo careful

>We even checked for divination magic but Sersh didn't find ANY magic at all, which was ultimately WAY more sus. Thad kept saying we should just leave which, like, FAIR, but i felt like we couldn't just go back empty-handed (mistake)

>Can't go into too much detail but i found my way into the totally unlocked Madame's caravan to try and search for the contracts keeping everyone enslaved. it was full of puppets and dolls and dresses and this crazy ornate dollhouse (foreshadowing)

>Also wait omg i almost got caught while sneaking in, but i used a bunch of cantrips to make everyone think there was an earthquake and then i pretended to be one of the marionettes inside the caravan when the goblin workers came to investigate lolol suckers totally fell for it

>And once they were gone i found a key and a couple slips of paper inside a wardrobe! The papers were these weird fairytales. Does anyone recognize them??? [Attached images of the uploaded document/story from the DM]

>The key went into a slot in the dollhouse so naturally, if a key fits im gonna turn it, right??? it must've been trapped tho bc that shit knocked me TF out

>So that's where im at rn. I just kinda woke up inside the dollhouse. im gonna keep trying to call my bf or my party but the service is spotty af. Any advice is appreciated 😭

>^^^For legal reasons this is all a joke btw and i didn't do any of this. Making it up for clout, etc etc

>Kind of urgent

>Also OMG I almost forgot the most important part: one of my party members showed me his fucking SOUNDCLOUD and it was so 💀💀💀 PLEASE go give it a listen and tell me ur thots lol his handle is @/ThadyT

>like dont be mean or comment anything bc he'll know whats up so be cool but omfg i just need someone else to listen to this alfkjasldf;fdhg

>Oh shit i dont think these are posting LMAAOOOO RIP TO ME 🪦 SEE U GUYS IN THE SHADOWFELL IG 🫡🐦‍⬛👑

[anotherunreadblog]

how was your first Dnd session? sounds cool!!

It was honestly such a rollercoaster of a day!

I was hosting, so I spent the day before decorating my christmas tree to make my place extra cozy. The morning of, I also cleaned like crazy. Because of all that, I skipped a couple meals and had such a bad headache for the first few hours of the game. It got better once I ordered pizza though.

But to get to the specific of the game. I played with some coworkers of mine and the game was in French (which is my first language). It was fine, but I really got into Dnd watching Critical Role and imagined myself playing in English. I personally find it's much easier to slip fully into character if I'm not using my first language.

We definitely have to do a session zero if we do a campaign (we did a one-shot to start with). Because I found that not everyone was looking for the same level of goofing around versus serious play. I heard feedback about one player in particular who derailed the beginning of our game. He took a lot of space and some of our quiet players didn't get as much time in the spotlight. With a whopping 6 player-characters we didn't strike the balance on our first try that's for sure.

But I had fun! I played a Wood Elf Ranger, Elwyn. Pretty basic build. I think I'll switch it up if we play again. I was intimidated by the idea of complex mechanics for my first time, but I surprised myself with how well I got by and how much I helped others. So next time I'd like a class that mixes melee weapons and spell slots for a more versatile fighting style.

And weirdly, I got the feeling I'd really love to DM. I was itching to play, but now that I got to be in the player seat, I'm thinking I'd love to build a world for at least a one-shot. It's no surprise though, since I already love building characters and story. It would take me a while to get all the rules down for sure but I think I'll talk to our DM see if he can teach me.

... Anyway! I hope this was remotely interesting to anyone besides myself!

[paladinbaby]

2, 13, 40 for nettle my friend nettle?

2 - what was the original concept for this character? how did playing them change that concept?

in my very first notes nettle was actively studying magic and had grown up with it which I think was the biggest change between then and now. on a more table level though she was originally far far more of a bitch than she ended up being. part of that was bc i would have felt bad going in swinging and part of that is her character ended up a lot more pathetic (affectionate) than her original concept. like her being so so sad feels like a nicer balance against her being actually quite powerful than her being an asshole would’ve been.

13 - what are some motifs you associate with them?did you intentionally bring in these motifs or did it happen over time?

i think my original motifs in her design were her satchel, yellow flowers and then her open envelope tattoo. the bag has stuck the most out of those and i think with it the idea that all her potions are in like reused bottles and thermoses and there are just knives in there and individual teabags and crumpled receipts. i think one that’s developed more naturally is her glowing eyes, because she’s a scourge aasimar but she doesn’t know it and the party are far more accepting of the information than she is. she’s also about to get a gun and im using renaissance pistol stats which aesthetically is also a fun image of her using this historical weapon.

40. if you had to remake this character right now, how would you change them?

putting this one under a cut bc it’s long. it’s fun you ask this one bc we did have the opportunity to completely rebuild a few sessions back and I didn’t change much but I did write up what I did and then not post it so I’m copying it in here

Nettle is a scourge aasimar with five levels of alchemist artificer and one level of wild magic sorcerer and she can best be described as freakishly functional, in part because i rolled insane base stats for her. I also couldn’t change too much about her without changing kind of core parts of her character but a lot has happened to her in the past few sessions and i wanted her sheet to reflect that

Spells

For the most part i didn't need to change her spells or cantrips but i took shield as one of her sorcerer spells and realised in vampire fight that i was never going to choose to use a spell slot on it. Instead i replaced it with silvery barbs to keep the ability to have a reaction spell, but this one is more in keeping with her character and i think would be more fun to use

Abilities

This is much more a narrative change than mechanically needed change but i added luka nightmare mechanic to her. Simply her life has gone so off the rails so fast

Weapon

Artificers have optional firearm proficiency and i’d kind of avoided it because i wasn’t sure if it would fit with her character. However i think in hindsight taking a bow as part of her core kit made even less sense and didn't feel as useful so she has a gun now <3

Plans

I’m not going to keep using homunculus servant because i found it too much extra to keep track of for not enough pay off over the course of the fight. Im also going to ask to go to the armory in the training session to get mail armour to boost her ac a little.

Finally I decided I wanted to stick with alchemist long term/ not take any more levels of sorcerer, especially because the spell refuel ring infusion gives her pretty much the same increase in spell slots as an extra level of sorcerer would, she can get an infusion for her gun and it’s one step closer to more cool artificer abilities.

[dukhlontales]

Resource Pacing: The Martial vs Caster Problem In D&D

The differences between martial classes and spellcaster classes in D&D have been talked to death, but there’s an aspect of this problem that doesn’t comes up nearly as often as it should, and is a crucial point of ttrpg design in my opinion. Martials and casters tend to have resources that regenerate at different paces.

People constantly talk about the versatility of spellcasters: how they have a spell for every combat, social, and environmental challenge. People constantly talk about how it is boring as a martial to “move and attack” over and over and over and over. These are valid points. The latter rings true far more for me personally because I can’t stand not making interesting decisions. If I’m not making choices that matter in a roleplaying game, I may as well just roleplay while playing Snakes and Ladders.

But the biggest issue for me in terms of feeling outshined as a martial character is that I don’t get my fair share of resources. Let’s talk about Long Rests, Short Rests, and why the division of resources in D&D5e sets martials up to fail.

The most important resource for spellcasters is undoubtedly spell slots. They let spellcasters cast their best spells! Martials tend to rely on a variety of resources, almost all of which have names unique to the flavour of the class: action surge, second wind, ki points, rage, etc. HP is also pretty relevant. The problem here is most resources that martials care about regenerate on Short Rests (and Long Rests), while the resource that casters would sell their soul for regenerates on Long Rests.

Now, while I don’t like many aspects regarding D&D5e’s design (and I’m writing about this for that very reason), I’d be lying if I said the game wasn’t designed around this. It is! You should get 1-2 Short Rests for every Long Rest. The game assumes your sessions will be paced as such, so everyone gets to use their resources to a fair extent. The game does not assume that you’ll have one combat encounter per Long Rest.

Unfortunately for the game, that’s extremely common. Unless you’re in a dungeon or some kind of fighting area, you probably have combat interspersed with all kinds of social interactions and exploration. While the game gives next to no rules to support those explicitly important pillars of play (combat is clearly the youngest child, social encounters are the eldest, and exploration is the middle child that WOTC feeds once a week), people LOVE them. I have a great time roleplaying in combat, but I’ll be damned if roleplaying in social encounters and exploration isn’t more fun.

Actual play shows really help bolster this sentiment. I doubt many people watch Critical Role or Dimension 20 for the strategy involved in their combat encounters. The roleplaying is the draw of content like this. And it’s good. But I wouldn’t watch either if it was consistently five or more consecutive combats. People like specifically roleplaying more and more.

The resource issue in D&D5e is that martials don’t get the resources that the game expects to give them. If I’m the fighter in our one combat, I get to action surge and second wind. Maybe my subclass has a couple more resources to burn, but those are assumably balanced against subclasses that don’t. The casters get to dump all their spell slots! It’s no wonder I feel useless!

Even if I’m level five and can attack four whole times in a turn, the wizard gets to follow up their fireball with another fireball, and then scorching ray after scorching ray. My turns after that action surge are me attacking twice. I’m not just bored by the lack of interesting options. I’m being robbed of features that should make my class feel powerful.

There are a couple solutions to this issue that can get these resources back on track. You can use the “gritty realism” optional rules to restrict Long Rests. And that does work. But if you’re only having one big fight for several sessions, it’s going to feel pretty bad as a caster to have your spell slots from the last mini boss still be missing. You can also just run more combat! Play the game in a way it’s designed for that you specifically don’t enjoy. That one isn’t exactly an option. Of course, if you’re already enjoying having lots of combat and this isn’t an issue, you’re someone who D&D5e was actually designed for. That’s pretty cool.

In terms of ttrpg design though, there’s a glaringly obvious lesson to be learned here. Don’t pace resources differently for different characters! Imagine a world where the fighter gets three action surges per Long Rest. Or a world where casters get one spell slot for each level per Short Rest. A party of diversely powerful characters could rest on the same schedule!

Ironically, D&D4e already did this. But while many people disliked that edition, and it certainly has its own problems, there is much to learn from D&D4e. This is just one of them. And it’s a lesson worth learning.

In Dukhlon Tales, the ttrpg I’m designing, all characters have their resources on the same schedule. Some resources are akin to regenerating on Long Rests, and some are akin to regenerating on Short Rests, but all characters use both sets all the same. In my games with my friends, I’ve never worried about someone outshining someone else because I didn’t pace enough fights into a session. I can run as many, or as few, combats as the story we are telling requires. I don’t see why I’d want to run a system where that is an issue.

[tabletopbrainrot]

My face when my phone has done nothing but ding in the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers jingle all day

Now then uhhhh... Weekly recap?

Sunday game:

Our replacement for our Owlin Monk has showed up, they're an Assassin Rogue/Drakewarden and they're suspicious as hell. My dragon hating Drow is already barely stomaching one dragon in the party, now we have Spooky Toothless and their pet noble.

Now why is this suspicious you ask? They're from the capital city, so far behind enemy lines that there is no reasonable explanation for how they got there... And hunting displacer beasts sure as hell ain't it.

Our Drow Monk got feebleminded and unfeebleminded in the span of like two sessions. She's basically a cat when at 1int

Our Witch( hag wizard) is so low on resources that it's not funny, I don't think we could squeeze a spell slot out of her if we tried.

Kobold Paladin is just chilling, also might be the key to reintroducing a lost magic used by the divine to create souls to the world.. where did souls come from before this? Great question couldn't tell you if you had a gun to my head

Me? Drow Fighter also just chilling nothing to say other than, tried to earn the trust of a Gloomstalker(Explorers Guide to Wildmount creature, not the really good ranger subclass) after one tried to once again kindnap the Owlin didn't go so well sadly..

(Dog)Centaur Ranger helping us navigate this mess of an underground labyrinth, can't really say anything bad is happening to him he's just rolling survival really.

When this session ended we had found an abandoned minecart station full of intricate clockwork, and at the far end there was a shadow dragon seemingly stuck in a time loop? Or causing one? It pings as Winter Fey, Dragon, and Undead to the ranger. The party wants me to do something given my alleged Winter Court affiliation. So yeah that'll be fun

Tuesday game:

Aka I swear hand on a holy book of your choice it's not Fate

No session this week so a recap of last, we basically hot dropped into the center of the Woad warrior tribe our Fighter is from, and things were hell chaos creatures being vomited out of multiple purple worms, and an impenetrable barrier keeping anyone from escaping.

Our Illithid friend remarked about how dangerous it was for the choir to be away from the capital city, and offered to get us into the central command worm in exchange for allowing them to evacuate the choir. We agree even though we know this will make our lives harder and get ported into the worm and lead into a kill chamber with a red dracolich under the control of a Illithid wizard with a Roman name I can't even remember off hand.

We spend time whittling away at the dragon in our various ways, including our Woad Fighter burning an ability to reroll key events allowing me to crit a shot from my Spelljammers main cannon (20d10+4d8 my DMs face was such a meme, literally slap it on a sticker I swear)

Unfortunately for us the keyword of Dracolich is infact lich so even after all that and our Hobgoblin Irish king with no serial numbers filed off with a dragon slaying sword beating on it, it still gets back up. However our Squidly friend goes full Senate on the wizard and stabs him in the back telling him Caesar sends his regards and breaks the Dracolich's phylactery. Session ends before we see this choir, we'll deal with this next time.

Lancer:

⚠️⚠️We're playing Stolen Crown I can't really spoiler tag so you've been warned⚠️⚠️

• We stop one Ragnarok themed Mecha Kaiju assault, only for two more to kick off, despite us being very dumb we did decide to not split the party and sadly could only directly help one clan that was under attack. Cue Eikþyrnir, which would have had so much advantage, and could have collapsed the caves we were in, except one two many things first of all being I don't care about your Razor Swarms DM I have a Tempest Charged Blade, two we have a Manticore, Three our Sherman is going to use the full reactor or else.

So our Manticore swapped places with Eikþyrnir, and I ran up and Structured it with one swing, triggered executioner and hit the Silverhoof with the back swing and Molten Wreath. Bless our Death's Head's heart, the lad is in constant suffering after getting Gallagher'd by Jörmungandr last session but did pop Eikþyrnir which basically let us take our time, also fuck hornets all my homies hate hornets.

The underground Kaiju fighter clan is saved temporary reward get!

• Cue mysterious radio broadcast, The guerilla insurgent that still thought they were fighting Seccom reaches out to negotiate, we agree to meet.

The DM improvises us a whole narrative clock check system trying to get this person to understand that times have changed and if the people of Sparr really wanted out of Union while it would take time the request would be honored. This whole scene mostly consisted of our single actual Union employee being fed information from the two mercenary Sparraboos known as Coyote and Vermin.

Despite Foundry's best efforts we pass and flipped Yennval's most radicalized guerilla.

• Which leads to us being warned about Huginn and Muninn and having backup in the form of an ace pilot, Yennval is redirecting power somewhere we have to stop this.. now if you've seen my last post... And I repeat who are you people? You'll know that I've been using a liberal interpretation of how [Total Strength Suite I] works, meaning I've been running, dashing, throwing a cover halfway through the second dash, then using [Xaioli's Ingenuity/Tenacity] for more movement by breaking the rock, triggering it again and hitting another target on the map to reset my counter to break the power poles while the most epic of ace combat dogfights is going on in the background.

Unfortunately we didn't stop Yennval from doing her thing, now like some unhinged 3D vtuber concert she's rising from her hidden bunker on the back of a spaceship shouting some unhinged shit..

I don't wanna kill this local god entity I'll be real, and I feel like that'll polarize the locals, but uhhh she's been off her gourd for over 500 years and something's gotta give.

Next session tomorrow the DM is hype and so are we, I think they've found this shit blog too from the meme so by all means expand anything you think I skimmed too much.

[babydiaperboy94]

A Wild Potty-Magic Table

I created a whole wild magic table for the variant of D&D I’ve been weaving. It’s very fun and very diapery. You can use it as you would any other wild magic table, including in a D&D (or other RPG) session that isn’t modified like I laid out. I will say that if you are using my system, I would highly recommend that all wild magic sorcerers and maybe even all sorcerers use this table, since magic in that system does cause incontinence.

A few notes: If you want to play without messing, you can change all the messing ones to wetting or farting, but it will lead to some repetition. Also, if you go want to play with messing, then messing yourself because of a wild-magic surge counts as a failed check in ways that messing yourself due to a failed spell check doesn’t, which will be important if your caster is in one of their incontinence phases. 

The creature to the left/right of the caster is definitely meant to include party members, which could ratchet up the tension.

1-3- everyone in a twenty foot radius of the casters pees themself.

4-5-One specific person (chosen randomly or specified by the GM) in the vicinity of the caster wets themselves.

6-7- the person to the caster’s left pees themselves every time they make an attack for the next d6 hours

8-9- the person to the caster’s right wets themselves but immediately regains 2d4 hit points

10-11-everyone targeted by the caster’s spell wets the bed for one week.

12-13- The caster farts very loudly. Any creature hostile to the caster in a 30ft radius is dazed and looses reactions for two rounds

14-15-The caster messes themselves with a particularly noxious mess. Everyone within a 40-ft radius, including the caster themself is effected as if by stinking cloud (DC 20).

16-17-The caster messes themselves every third round until they’re out of initiative.

18-19-one specific person in the vicinity of the caster (chosen randomly or specified by the GM) messes themselves

20-21- the creature to the casters left cannot relieve themselves without their pants on for the next week

22-23-the creature to the caster’s right pees themself every time they make an attack for the next d6 hours.

24-25-the caster messes themself and instantly regains 1d12 hp

26-27-The caster continuously pees for three rounds and has disadvantage on all attack rolls and dexterity saving throws.

28-29-The caster wets themselves whenever they would make a concentration check in the next d4 days, but automatically succeeds on the check.

30-31-everyone targeted by the casters spell wets themselves

32-33-every time the caster wets themselves in the next 24 hours, they regain 2d4 hit points

34-35-the creature to the casters left cannot relieve themselves without pants on for the next week

36-37-the person to the caster’s left wets themselves but immediately regains 2d4 hit points.

38-1d6 days after the caster casts the spell, everyone within a mile of the caster messes the bed that night (GM rolls in secret)

40-41- the caster immediately messes themselves but regains one of their lowest level spell slots.

42-43- the creature to the caster’s right pees themselves every time they make an attack for the next d6 hours

44-45-The creature to the caster’s right messes themselves with a particularly noxious mess. Everyone within a 40-ft radius, including the caster themself is effected as if by stinking cloud (DC 20).

46-47-The last target of the caster’s spell, the last to roll their saving throw, pees continuously for 3 rounds and has disadvantage on all attack rolls and dexterity saving throws. If the creature is size large or larger, the area becomes difficult terrain.

48-49-the caster spontaneously casts prestidigitation on themselves, removing all mess they might have previously made from their clothing/diaper.

50-51-the caster spontaneously cast prestidigitation on the person to their left, removing any soil from their clothing/diaper

52-53-the caster cannot relieve themselves with their pants off for the next two weeks.

54-55-the person to the caster’s right messes themselves and immediately  gain 1d12 hp.

56-57-the creature directly to the casters left continuously pees for three rounds and has disadvantage on all attack rolls and dexterity saving throws

58-59-the creature directly to the caster’s left messes themselves, but immediately regains a spell slot lowest level, or gains a first level spell slot if a non-caster.

60-61-The creature to the caster’s left messes themselves with a particularly noxious mess. Everyone within a 40-ft radius, including the caster themself is effected as if by stinking cloud (DC 20).

62-63- the most recent target of the casters spell, the last one to make their saving throw, messes themselves and the caster’s closest ally gains d10 hp

64-65-everyone within a mile radius of the caster messes themselves.

66-68- the target of the caster’s spell or the most recently effected, (whoever made their saving throw last) wets themself.

69-nice-the caster immediately wets themselves and orgasums and is stunned for 1d4 rounds

70-71- the creature to the caster’s right pees continuously for three rounds and has disadvantage on all attack rolls and dexterity saving throws.

72-73-the creature to the caster’s left messes themself and immediately gains 1d12 hp

74-75-the creature to the caster’s right messes themselves, but immediately regains a spell slot of the lowst level, or a single first level spell slot if not a caster.

76-77-the caster spontaneously casts prestidigitation on everyone in a 50-ft radius, removing all soil from their clothing/diapers.

78-79- all the targets of the caster’s spell mess themselves and the caster’s closest ally gains d10 hp for each target.

80-81 The most recent target of the caster’s spell, the last one to make their saving throw, farts extremely loudly. They must make a DC 14 wisdom save to be startled by how loud it is and stunned for a round.

82-83-the most recent target of the casters spell, the last one to make their saving throw, messes themselves and the caster regains d10 hp

84-85-all the targets of the caster’s spell pee themselves continuously for three rounds and have disadvantage on all attack rolls and dexterity saving throws. If any of them are large or larger creatures the area around them becomes difficult terrain.

86-87-every creature targeted by the caster’s spell simultaneously farts very loudly and each must make a DC 14 wisdom save at disadvantage or be started by the noise and stunned for one round.

88-89-the caster spontaneously casts prestidigitation on the creature to their right, removing any soil from their clothing/diaper.

90-91- every creature effected by the caster’s spell messes themselves and the caster gains d10 hp for each target

92-93-20 minutes after the spell is cast, everyone in a one mile radius of the caster messes themselves

94-95-the creature most recently targeted by the spell (the last one to make their saving throw) is completely incontinent for 10d10 days

96-97-all targets of the spell are completely incontinent for 10d10 days.

98-the person directly to the caster’s left is completely incontinent for 10d10 days

99- the person directly to the caster’s right is completely incontinent for 10d10 days

100-the caster is completely incontinent for 10d10 days

[drkineildwicks]

Kineil Plays Hogwarts Legacy - 3/26/23

Apparently tomorrow is one month later…look, I know I’ll end up sinking hours into this game and be keyed up for hours after so it’s basically got to wait until I have free time

I used to have free time what happened…I blame that voice that came with adulthood that said you could be doing something productive instead

Shut up voice I’m going to Hogwarts

Also I’d like to thank that one person for calling me a bigot on one of my other entries because they reminded me that I had done a few play sessions over my break

Suffer

So when last we were here we were at Hogsmeade

As I understand it Doris from Shrek 2 is here so this will be interesting

I love this concept because someone who basically contacted me on Tumblr to scold me for playing this game accused this of being tokenism while those on the other side of the fence call it woke pandering

Hence the phrase “Danged if you do and danged if you don’t”

Basically, just make a good game, the fact that the game works and released in a completed state should be enough to earn them some accolades y’all make yourselves miserable inserting politics into it

It honestly looks like people, in the Year of Our Lord 2023, went I can’t stand seeing people happy about something I will dedicate my life to ruining it

Congrats on marking yourselves as unpleasant people to avoid you did a bang-up job of that X’D

Anyway back to the fun stuff

Had to go to options to remind myself of the controls don’t want to be casting spells indiscriminately X’D

Why is this game so pretty

Oh so it’s a family of Ollivanders, not just the same guy but really old

I don’t know why people were in knots about familiar names considering it’s been established that Pure Blood lineages exist in the wizarding world

I love this game, I love exploring Hogsmeade I can’t wait for Potions and Herbology in writing my HP fanfic those two classes have to be my favs to write about

Wait what do you mean Demiguise statues we can interact with those

Also the Hog’s Head has an actual moving hog head on the wall

How am I supposed to get this statue….

Wait—wait are we supposed to use invisibility potion to sneak up on the eye-trunks?

See, if anyone tells you not to play this game they are just jerks because this game?  This game.

This game does what a game is supposed to do—it entertains

I am genuinely enjoying myself wandering around Hogsmeade, the game is giving me such a sense of wonder and accomplishment and it also scratches that itch of collecting things

Like

There’s pages flying around and when I realized that zap zap Accio!

It’s fun which is what a game is supposed to do—that’s all a game really needs to be is fun

Hmm

Close but not quite

YES

Finally I get a fedora

I’m finding more gear than I have available slots oops

Guess I get to expand my inventory

YES I GET TO WEAR PANTS

And yes I saved the wand for last what’d you expect

You can customize your wand cool

I went with the first preset XD

TROLL IN THE VILLAGE! TROLL IN THE VILLAGE!

…thought you ought to know

Can I reparo a house I CAN REPARO A WHOLE BLEEPING HOUSE

Rookwood!

Oh the Three Broomsticks….

….

THIS is what you all got your snits in a bit for???

Have none of you all heard of Bea Arthur?  Have none of you heard Bea Arthur???

Oh pretty bird!

And now it’s time to cook dinner so that’s a good time to quit for today

Still love this game y’all need to chill

[rainecloud020604]

gotta love it when only three party members show up for a session and the dm says fuck you and makes you fight 2 cr 10 creatures and a cr 8 with a few others for funnies

[isaacathom]

anyway i came here because i wanna ramble about some ttrpg stuff that MIGHT happen in my campaigns that i cant talk about "on main" (re: my twitter, which my dm and some players follow me on) without spoiling what my character HAS done and MIGHT do in future sooo yeehaw bitch

basically in one of the last sessions before a holiday hiatus, the admiral of the fleet we're a part of ordered us to try and obtain gunpowder by whatever means neccessary. the only source of gunpowder is a faction who are pacifists and and trying to use it as fertiliser, and who will under no circumstances give it to anyone. so the plan is to fucking steal it, right. My character (Naielle) finds that plan objectionable for a suite of reasons, and so she found an opportunity to warn the faction leader that these plans were being made.

thats not gonna stop the plan though, right? and naielle is not a stealth character, so she will not be involved in the actual mission, nor in its planning, so she can't really sabotage the mission beyond what shes already done.

But! She might be able to do something once they return. If they successfully manage to get the gunpowder, then Naielle has a few tricks up her sleeve:

The spell 'Invisibility' (and a con of +5)

Authority on the party's primary ship that would mean noone would question her coming and going

A Bag of Holding

A "Diplomat's Pouch" (a messaging pouch that can also send small items)

Provided the gunpowder is stored aboard the primary ship, then Naielle is in. She can get aboard, no questions. She can slip into invisibility. Her stealth isn't great (+2), but shes invis! she can HOPEFULLY get to wherever its held. and she can, at the very least, siphon some of it off (as much as she can carry without causing problems later - a bag of holding full of gunpowder sounds fun but she also has a dragon god in there and if something goes wrong she will cause an apocalypse, lol). She would then, *probably*, be able to send some kind of message to the faction leader about the whole thing (admittedly, Naielle cannot write in her language, but i figure a few grains of gunpowder and a card with a crude sketch of an elf with a hat will get the point across lmao)

thats assuming all goes well. and if it does, HEHE!!! at some point the admiral or whatever will go 'alright, we were saving this gunpowder for [situation], but we need some now' and oh shit, its gone! tf?! and naielles just sweating buckets.

But, even if it doesnt!!! oh, the drama!!!! if someone manages to hear her sneaking around, and attacks her??? oh!!! the drama! She has a decent hp but an abysmal ac, so depending on who it is and what they hit her with it could be genuinely quite a hit. if it knocks her out, or she fails the con check, then we enter the realm of her being directly challenged on her (extremely sus) actions. this holds true even if shes not challenged by someone she knows closely (ie if the gunpowder is held on a different ship, as i think i would still like to try this stunt regardless, because its fun) bc then you get into the realm of her commanding officer being woken at an ungodly hour by the vampire guy going 'captain odelia is being held in the brig on the flagship' which is. an incredible image for me.

butttttttt if she gets hit, doesnt go below zero, AND succeeds on the con check. well shit. she will 100% retreat after that - she doesnt have the spells to pull anything more than what shes doing, as the only other spell that would be useful is also concentration. so she would just leave, hopefully successfully. if she is caught, return to 'oh shit'. if she isnt, then id want to try and write in whatever injury she sustained as something she has to deal with now, at least for a little bit. even if its just like 'has bandaid on cheek' shit.

all this said. i have had an epiphany. which is that Naielle has Dimension Door, *and* the spell slots necessary to use it twice - once to get in, once to get out. this means that any of the ships in the fleet are now fair game, BUT it does have a verbal component, raising the potential that she is at least overheard, if not caught directly. NOW, she's never used dimension door in game, so theres a case that noone would realise it was her, EXCEPT that shes one of a small group of ~French Bastards~, and her accent is very recognisable. She can possibly fumble with that (i could ask the dm if i could roll a deception check on the component to have Naielle pull an accent and see how convincingly she pulls it off, eg?), but! it could be done!

the dimension door does add its own special spice too, which is what happens if she teleports into wherever the powder is held. and WHOOPS there are people there. that would be hilarious. if i go that route, Naielle would probably attempt to prepare for this in some manner, ie a mask and not wearing a number of items that are massive tells as to who the fuck she is (ie her hat, coat, etc). she could, hypothetically, get off a tp in tp out if she acts quickly enough. waste of two slots, and she'd DEFO have to roll that deception check bc she would have been spotted and heard, but like. fucking imagine.

if she succeeds in the tp out, an alarm is at minimum being raised. if she is id'd at the time, then HOHOOOO FUCK she's in trouble and she'll have to decide whether she accepts punishment or attempts to run. but the thing is that she won't really *know* if they've figured her out until someone tries to ram down her door, at which point she gets to make a choice. bc i think in the tp out she would tp right back to her quarters, bc she doesnt have time to think of anywhere else to go. she DOES have a third spell slot available for a third tp off the boat to ~somewhere else~, and she would have time to think about it, i think. if they DONT id her, then she's safe... ish.

id worry about making ~too much~ of a thing of this, because like. eg if Naielle is back against the door as someone bangs on it demanding to enter and decides to GTFO, thats a plot hijack. naielle has just hijacked the plot, bc now the party has to go and track her down. I do have a secondary character to play in the meantime, so its arguably not urgent. but its suddenly an entire plot point that needs to be addressed, especially since the secondary character is, by design, not very powerful compared to a usual pc lmao.

whereas if naielle is caught, in any of the above permutations, then its not quite a whole hijack, because noone has to go out of their way to go Get Her. she's on the ship. The party will need to come to a conclusion about what to do with her once shes done this, but that doesnt have to take that long, and can be readily pushed aside to be dealt w/ later because, well, shes in the brig. shes under watch. she cant DO anything, and if her word is to be believed, she wont do anything. so the party can decide 'we do not have time to deal with naielle apparently being a traitor right this second', shove her in the brig, and i pull out my secondary character.

which i dont think would work quite as well for the 'naielle books it' option because, regardless of whether naielle's a traitor, she has a wealth of very useful knowledge, and some specific skills the party has come to rely on (shes one of the secondary healers, shes the resident Astral Bitch, she has a lowkey spidey sense for absolutely fucked up lil guys, shes a competent dps, and she has a fucking dragon god in her pocket which we went on a whole quest for). letting her run off, and not addressing that for a bit, seems... unwise? to me? im biased ofc because shes my baby but i think tactically not accounting for Naielle Odelia would go poorly. especially because, if naielle isn't careful (and, 3 spell slots in one night burnt, she may not be *able* to be careful) she could get like. fucking captured. thats called plot synergy tho, i guess. naielle flees from the consequences of her actions, gets captured by the bad guys, chuck her on that boat we're planning to go raid... hmst. options present themselves.

anyway the whole point of this is that ive been trying to a more "active" player, rather than reactive, and apparently "lowkey betraying the party" is the method i have chosen, and im honestly really excited!! she now has multiple ways she can try to acquire the gunpowder (maybe even making it a two night affair - one night invis scope it out, another night dimension door x2?), she WILL try to do it, its gonna be fucking sick, and none of this will happen for like two irl months because we dont even have a plan in place for obtaining the gunpowder yet! i cant try and steal it back if we havent even stolen it yet lmao.

its gonna kick ass. i just wanted to gush about it. thats all :)

this isnt even getting into like. ramifications for success. naielles already, i hoped, put herself on good terms w/ the faction, and if she succeeds in retrieving any of the gunpowder i think she might be in an incredible position. or an extremely manipulatable position. both? both. itll be so fucking good. AGH.

[absolutepokemontrash]

The Demon Bros Play DND!

Who’s ready for some Stupid Headcanons?

So, the Satanic Panic of the 1980s claimed that the tabletop RPG known as Dungeons and Dragons had the power to turn your children into satanists and devil worshippers. So of course, the brothers have totally played DND after hearing about all the human world nonsense.

Lucifer the Back-up Back-up DM

He’s too busy to play this game dammit, stop inviting him! What do you mean both Satan and Simeon can’t DM the one-shot? Ugh... fine.

Despite all his UUUUUUUUGGGGHHH, Lucifer is a damn good storyteller, prepare to be immersed as hell.

Also, sorry guys, he’s a rule whore. If something’s against the rules, YOU AREN’T DOING IT.

He’s also a complete sadist who will randomly get everyone to roll perception checks for NO REASON.

Lucifer has definitely stood up and slammed his hands on the table while giving a description for extra effect, Mammon screamed and nearly fell out of his seat which REALLY ruined the mood.

“Everyone, we’re rescheduling, I’m too busy.”

He’s been a player a few times, and he’s NOT good at it. All his characters end up being really generic and boring. He’s better at being the world and everything in it, not the dummy wandering around it.

Human/fighter lookin’ motherfucker

In conclusion, he’s a good DM, but he’s probably too busy to play.

Over-Powered Self Insert (Mammon)

This game is for nerds! He’s not playin’, Levi!

Fine, his character is great and amazin’ and is also him. MC! What do these numbers mean-

Mammon’s the type of player to make his character a self insert and not take it too seriously, then get really REALLY attached as the campaign progresses.

He’s the type not to make a backstory for his character either, so go wild DM MCs!

He also both purposefully and accidentally metagames a whole bunch. Like dude, YOU know this, YOUR CHARACTER DOES NOT.

Shit he forgot his dice, can he borrow some?

“Okay MC, that’s five points of piercing damage.” “I RUN OVER AND HEAL THEM! I’LL SAVE YA MC!”

Mammon goes out of his way to save MC’s character long before it would make sense in-character to do so.

“Well, as your first man it’s my duty to save your character! You’ll probably be a blubberin’ mess if I didn’t...”

He’s not the best role player, but he’s also not the worst at it either. He tends to break character when things get too serious and he doesn’t know what to do.

Notes who? He came in here with one sheet of printer paper and it’s for doodling only.

He and Asmodeus start the tavern brawls. No question about that.

Theft is very common, he’s stealing from everyone, including but not limited to: the party, the royal guards, the dead enemies, the giant fuck-you dragon that Satan dropped in there to deter Mammon from stealing...

“I’m gonna steal that crown from the dragon.” “Roll stealth.” “Nat 20 BITCHES.” “Fuck you.”

If his character dies, may the Demon King have mercy on his greedy little soul because he’s going to mope about it for a damn long time.

Over-Powered Self Insert Again (Leviathan)

His character totally isn’t a self insert, shut up! He just looks and acts like an idealized version of himself!

He’s the one with twenty pages of character info and backstory AND the amazing commissioned art.

Levi has about 40 sets of expensive blue dice that he claims gives him the best rolls but an average session with him usually leads to roughly 10 crit fails.

While his luck with dice isn’t that good, he’s the player who will get as much out of their turn as possible, AKA break out the calculators and notes we’re doing some math.

His turn goes on for at least ten minutes because of all the shit he’s doing. When you finally think it’s over he goes “I still have my movement!”

Takes notes like a madman, every bit of lore and character info is being written down, meaning it’s a headache for everyone involved if there’s a continuity error because Levi WILL point it out.

“So you all head to the east, the great Valley of-” “Hang on, valley? In the second session you said there was a mountainous area to the east.” “Levi, shut up.”

Levi is the self appointed “guys come on let’s get back on track!” player, and whoever’s DMing is grateful to have him.

Levi is kind of the opposite of Mammon in terms of character seriousness, at first he’s taking everything super seriously and then as the campaign goes on he slowly loosens up and has some fun.

Out of curiosity one day he searches up a magical girl DND class and he’s ALL OVER IT. PLEASE LET HIM BE A MAGICAL GIRL NEXT CAMPAIGN-

Damn good at roleplaying, he’s carrying the entire in-character discussion until everyone else gets into it.

The Done With Your Bullshit DM (Satan)

So, this is the game that’s supposedly summoning him all the time despite the fact that he hadn’t been up to the human world since the 50s... what the fuck is everyone on up there?

It was the 80s, probably a lot of drugs.

When Satan DMs, you can only break the rules if it enhances the story... or if it fucks with Lucifer’s really boring character.

He will fudge dice rolls every once and a while, he also gets very attached to the characters everyone has made so he doesn’t want to perma-kill any of them unless they roll a DND quadruple natural 1 sin or something.

As attached as he gets, he isn’t above completely raging, killing everyone’s characters, and ending the session if everyone’s being annoying.

Don’t worry, your characters will be safe and sound next session once everything calms down... just don’t mention how Satan burned your character sheet right in front of you. It’s your fault if you didn’t make a second copy of your character sheet!

He’s pretty decent when it comes to improv when a player stumbles into something he didn’t plan out, but that’s not going to stop him from getting a little annoyed.

Though, if you somehow manage to get to the big bad too soon... yeah sorry, he’s got a way more dramatic fight scene planned, your player’s getting conveniently blasted out of there.

As a player, Satan is pretty decent at the game overall, but he tends to be a little aggressive if there’s an overarching mystery to be solved.

He needs to understand what’s going on! He doesn’t care if it upends the plot or it’s too early to find out! He needs to know!

His character is actually distinct and different from himself, Satan thinks it’s more interesting that way. All the books he’s read have made him a pretty awesome role player!

Satan’s notebook both as a DM and a player is filled to the brim, no detail is too insignificant to be put on the page.

Satan doesn’t fear dungeon puzzles... dungeon puzzles fear Satan.

“Are you all stupid?! This puzzle is so easy a four year old could solve it!”

I ROLL TO SEDUCE- (Asmodeus)

At first he didn’t want to play, he doesn’t play these kinds of games, sweetie. He’s too pretty.

When he’s finally convinced he puts a decent amount of effort into his character, but leaves the backstory pretty open.

Asmo would probably be the bard... right? No. He’s the warlock with the magic sugar daddy patron, and the warlock patron is spoken to as such.

“Hey baby... how’ve you been? Have I been good~?” “...”

Huh! Who woulda thought that all the bedroom roleplaying would transfer so well to DND!

Simeon is the only DM that doesn’t immediately shut this down, so Asmo will be extra inclined to play if Mr. Nice Shoulders is DMing.

When he gets really into it he buys a bunch of sparkly and very pretty dice, they bring him good luck in every roll!

Asmo has a fictional harem, no question about it. It gets to the point where Satan, Lucifer, and Simeon stop describing NPCs as attractive.

He’s rolling to seduce either way, he’s turned many an antagonist into a lover. To be fair, Asmo’s horniness has gotten everyone out of a lot of jail cells... so they can’t complain.

His notes consist of really random comments about the plot and the other players. It’s also COATED with doodles.

‘Wow, this character is such an asshole, I hope Belphie kills them.’ ‘Shit.’ ‘MC looks so cute when they play their character!!!!!!!! :D’

Poor bab forgets the rules a lot... it’s just too much to remember, okay?! How was he supposed to know that he ran out of spell slots an hour ago?!

Please help him, MC...

*Dice Cronch* (Beel)

Homeboy has been given edible dice, no question. He has also eaten the non-edible dice...

Beel goes to Satan for help with making his character, and he ends up really loving the character! :D

Problem is, he’s not that good at roleplaying... D:

“Can my character eat that person?” “Beel, no- you know what? Let me check what you’d need to roll to do that.”

I’ll save you MC part 2 electric boogaloo, but when it comes to Beel, the entire party is getting protected, no matter how little it makes sense in-character.

While Beel does take notes, a lot of them don’t end up being very important for later events. For example, he’ll jot down stuff about the layout in one room, but it turns out he didn’t take notes for the room that was actually going to be used for a boss fight.

He’s always nice to the NPCs, shame Belphie doesn’t show them the same courtesy.

Murder Hobo (Belphie)

Chaotic evil.

“Belphie, your character’s alignment is neutral good, remember?” “Fuck that, this guy’s annoying me.”

If Belphie doesn’t like an NPC, it’s up to the rest of the party to stop him from derailing the campaign and killing them.

He has space themed dice because cow-man likes space and thought they were pretty.

Notes? NOTES? You think Belphegor, the Avatar of SLOTH, takes notes? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

He’s drooling all over the notebook... ew. Someone wake him up and tell him it’s his turn.

He puts about 35% effort forth to make a halfway decent character, and approximately 4% effort to actually roleplay.

Belphie sleeps through important plot details so he’s almost always really confused. He’ll turn to MC and ask them to explain what he missed before not learning his lesson and going back to sleep.

Wake him up for the dungeon puzzles though, he and Satan love those.

“Okay, we can’t see what’s in the room because none of the conscious party members have dark vision?” “Nope, what do you do?” “...I shove Mammon inside and shut the door.” “WHAT?!”

Bonus! The Best DM (Simeon)

Our favourite angel has homebrewed this entire campaign and boy fricken howdy are these players going to enjoy it.

Simeon fudges the dice rolls to avoid anything too irreversibly bad happening, buuuuuuut he’s still a total asshole who does the random perception rolls to keep everyone on their toes.

Everyone gets a character arc god dammit, even if they don’t have a backstory, one will be provided!

He’s got a map, he’s got miniatures, he’s got dice and backup dice for the backup dice, he’s got DM notes for days!

Simeon could be a voice actor with the amount of character voices he can do, no one ever gets confused with who’s talking.

Did someone just uncover a massive bit of plot that was meant to be found out later? Good job! No harm done! Simeon’s DM improv is second to none, and the plot will adjust accordingly!

[hiccanna-tidbits]

The RotBTD+ Gang Plays DnD! (Feat. my ships, sorry not sorry XD)

So highkey I’ve actually been wanting to do a “The Gang Plays DnD” type post for AGES now, but then I saw @hobie-brown and @ohlooksheswriting-wips do DnD AU posts for RotBTD, and then I was like “Ah shit, I really should finish mine, eh?” So thank you to both of you for inspiring me to get off my ass and actually write the post!!!

Hiccup DMs. He comes up with this super complex plot revolving around dragons (because of course) where the party has to dismantle this society ruled by evil knights who want to genocide all of the dragons. Imagine his chagrin when the party wants to do nothing but fuck around in towns and aggravate NPCs 90% of the time.

They usually end up playing at Jack’s apartment, mainly because Hiccup’s dad doesn’t really want a bunch of loud nerds yelling about 20-sided dice in his household while he’s trying to work, if he can at all help it. Jack’s sister regularly barges into their living room and roasts the fuck out of Jack and his friends for being such damn nerds and eats all of their DnD snacks they’ve set out. If they’re in the middle of a combat session, she always gleefully proclaims that they’re all going to die. While Jack is annoyed by this, the rest of the party finds it deeply hilarious.

Jack Overland plays the absolute mayhem warlock Jack Frost, who got his powers through making a deal with the archfey Prince of Frost and has absolutely no qualms about being an evil god’s mortal Sower of Chaos. He spends the vast majority of the campaign doing such useful things as creating ice slicks under annoying NPCs and freezing people’s drinks. He also plays a Tiefling because absolutely no one can talk this boy out of playing the creepy demon race.

Rapunzel plays a woodland nymph druid who is also the party healer (because of course she is). Her name is probably Sunlily or something else suitably hippie-esque. Whenever there’s downtime (or whenever the rest of the party is also dicking around, and she can get away with it), Rapunzel likes to go into the nearest forest and pick the best berries and nuts for the rest of the party. She also loves baking fruit pies and cooking the best nymph food for her companions when given the chance. Definitely the party Cinnamon Roll (every party has one!). She often will turn into cute animals to distract the guards while the party infiltrates a building.

Merida’s character is the party archer and general ranged weapon master, as well as a raging lesbian. Hiccup learns very quickly that any male NPC who tries to flirt with her will very quickly get impaled with an arrow. She can’t ever decide if she wants to be a ranger or a rogue, so she multiclasses in both for flare. She also plays a Tiefling, and continually insists that her character is both scarier and sexier than Jack’s. In combat, she either Leeroy Jenkins her way in with a sword and just starts slashing every which way, or just shoots 90% of the enemies with arrows before the fight even starts. There’s really no in between. She can get away with this because she’s highkey one of the party tanks, and consistently deals a shitton of damage.

Anna plays a human bard, basically having read over the class options and going “Wait, in this one I get to make stylish medieval music??? And wear dramatic and garish outfits and a dumb hat??? And cast wacky illusion spells??? And do silly little magic tricks??? And INSPIRE EVERYONE??? Hell yeah, I’m in!!!” She mostly uses magic attacks in combat (definitely favors Tasha’s Hideous Laughter), but occasionally when she’s out of spell slots she’ll just take to slamming enemies in the face with her lute. She also has WAY too much fun with Vicious Mockery, let’s be real.

Elsa, upon hearing Jack’s character concept, rolls her eyes so far up in her head she can see her damn brain, and vows to play his concept, but serious–solely out of spite. She rolls up a super OP elf Chaos Sorcerer, filled with lots of brooding angst about how uncontrollable her winter powers can get if she isn’t careful. She combines it a bit with Storm Sorcerer so she can create literal blizzards, and Hiccup ends up allowing it just because he thinks it’s cool. Although Elsa’s character is undoubtedly aggravated by the rest of the party’s antics, she starts becoming grudgingly protective of these idiots and can deal some pretty crazy damage when her companions are threatened. She also contains one of the party’s only brain cells.

Eugene of course plays dashing rogue master thief Flynn Rider. Although his high deception and lockpicking skills certainly come in handy, he’s the most chaotic neutral fucker you’ve ever met and will take any excuse to rob NPCs blind or cheat them out of every cent they have in a tavern card game. It’s nigh impossible to get him to cooperate with the rest of the party much of the time, and often Elsa’s character has to either bribe him with some of her family’s gold or threaten to freeze him to stop him backstabbing one or more party members. Eugene’s character forces Hiccup to add in many more heist plotlines than he originally intended. This delights Eugene immensely, and sometimes he goes a bit crazy planning elaborate heists.

Moana plays a sorcerer water genasi. She can control any body of water, but she has a special affinity for controlling saltwater (i.e. the ocean lol). She also requests an animal handling bonus, but only with marine animals, solely because she thought it would be funny. She’s also an ex-pirate who robbed a lot of wealthy merchant ships and freed their slaves back in the day, which Merida thinks is incredibly badass. Moana tends to get bored and unengaged when there are no bodies of water to play around with, so Hiccup ends up having to add a lot more lakes, rivers, and oceans to the campaign than he originally planned on. Moana also takes a sailing skill, and thus the party often ends up traveling by boat. Typically Eugene and Rapunzel will infiltrate and hijack it, and Moana will sail it. Moana probably contains the party’s only other brain cell.

Astrid plays a gigantic berserker orc barbarian who is never without his trusty axe. Astrid is hands down the party’s top tank, and unquestionably deals the most damage every combat session. Much like Merida’s character, Astrid’s character is absolutely a shameless power fantasy. Hiccup pretty easily picks up on this, but is too polite to say anything about it. Jack also picks up on this, but is hardly as courteous as their DM, and teases Astrid mercilessly. Astrid is not amused.

Rapunzel requests that her weapon of choice be a frying pan, her justification being that her character found a discarded one at the edge of a human village outside her woods and mistaked it for a highly-dangerous human weapon. Hiccup is like “…you know what? Fuck it” and rolls up stats for a goddamn frying pan. Jack has nigh-endless admiration for Rapunzel for choosing such a goddamn memey, absurd, yet oddly effective weapon and it definitely makes the poor boy even more smitten with her than he already is.

Eugene and Merida have a bet going on who can sleep with more sexy barmaids. Merida is currently winning, much to Eugene’s chagrin. She’s not even inherently better at seducing NPCs, she and Eugene have the same charisma stat–she just consistently rolls better than Eugene. Eugene is incredibly salty about this.

Anna and Elsa want to be sisters in-game as well, but neither want to change their race–so Anna decides her character was adopted. Hiccup and the rest of the party go along with it, mainly because there’s something deeply hilarious about a regular human bard being adopted and raised by a family of high-powered elf ice mages.

Astrid is absolutely the sort of player who tends to get bored and restless outside of fights, and tends to fidget and twiddle her thumbs waiting for the next combat session. Jack picks up on this, and purposely does more roleplay for longer just to piss her off. He’s also just a very dramatic fucker and highkey loves roleplay.

When she’s not causing mayhem around the town or sleeping with hot women, Merida tries to entertain Astrid between combat sessions by offering to spar with her. Unfortunately, this does not usually end well for poor Merida, as even the most hardcore and badass of tieflings is prone to getting dumpstered by an 8-foot-tall barbarian orc with an axe. Astrid is, nonetheless, grateful to have someone to fight.

Rapunzel, Elsa, and Moana will humor Hiccup and attempt to actually play the main plot. Meanwhile, Jack, Merida, and Eugene are a DM’s worst nightmare. They constantly derail the damn campaign to fuck around, cause mayhem, and do inane shenanigans in every. Damn. Town. They go to. Anna is kind of a wildcard–she’ll typically go with whatever group looks like they’re going to be doing something more interesting. Astrid will go along with whichever group is more likely to get into a fight–which, often as not, is Jack and his posse of terrible Chaotic Neutrals (who have definitely pissed off a number of NPCs into attacking them).

As the campaign goes on, Elsa and Eugene become the beleaguered Party Mom and Dad. Both are quite aggravated by this–especially poor Eugene, who just wanted to play a morally-gray charming rogue who stole everything and got away with it and then accidentally ended up caring about these idiots he got stuck with.

Anna initially joins the campaign because she has a planet-size crush on Hiccup, and inevitably is the one who dragged Elsa into it too. Being the hopeless romantic that she is, Anna writes a love interest into her backstory. Hiccup eventually has the party run into said love interest, and Anna is overjoyed. He starts flirting with her as the love interest, and it’s easily the best 30 minutes of Anna’s life.

Moana and Elsa also give Hiccup pretty detailed backstories, and he works in little subplots for them. Moana gets to bring water back to a dying part of the jungle in the middle of a draught, while Elsa gets to go on a whole sidequest to explore her family history and how they came to be sorcerers.

Jack, Merida, and Eugene also give Hiccup fairly elaborate backstories, but Jack’s and Merida’s are like 99% memes and Dumb Shit. Hiccup tries to give all of them backstory-related plot hooks, but inevitably any hooks he provides are either stabbed, robbed, or frozen. Honestly any plot hook offered to these 3 will be all but spat in the face of and tossed off a cliff.

The one relevant part of Eugene’s backstory is that he and Rapunzel decide they used to be partners in crime before the campaign started. Rapunzel would infiltrate and scout out places he wanted to rob as small, unobtrusive animals (her preferred Wild Shape is a chameleon) and later distract the guards as a bunny or kitten while he went in and took every gold coin in sight. In return, Flynn Rider would bribe builders to not develop into Sunlily’s forest. Rapunzel and Eugene partly came up with this For Funsies, but also it was Rapunzel’s sneaky way of tricking Eugene into having prior connections in the party so he’d be less likely to betray them. It works pretty well–although the entire party is protective of Cinnamon Roll Sunlily, Flynn is certainly especially protective of her.

Astrid does the absolute bare minimum as far as backstories go. She is literally just here to smash stuff, slice people, and beat some fuckers up.

Rapunzel has a backstory, but she’s typically so invested in the main plot and the other party members that Hiccup rarely needs to bring it in to keep her engaged. She’s highkey the party emotional rock, and probably the only one keeping them all together.

On that note, Rapunzel’s character is the ONLY one who can get Jack’s character to take the plot even REMOTELY seriously. Like he’ll be dicking around in the nearest tavern challenging the nearest orc to a drinking game, and Rapunzel will come in and ask him to help them on a Main Plot Quest. And he’ll be like “come onnnnn I’m having funnn” and she’ll be like “Jack pleeeeeease?” and you just. Can’t resist Sunlily’s puppy dog eyes. At all. Also, whenever Sunlily is genuinely threatened, any silliness immediately goes out the window and Jack Frost is OUT FOR BLOOD.

For better or for worse, Rapunzel is not immune to being looped into Jack’s shenanigans. Occasionally if either Merida or Eugene have a particularly hare-brained scheme she’ll go along with it, but by and large Jack is the most successful in convincing her to temporarily abandon the plot and cause mild mischief with him. They once wasted half a session creating an elaborate “ice theme park” for some squirrels in the forest.

Hiccup tries to get Merida to play the main plot by eventually having there be no more sexy female NPCs to seduce in the towns they go to. Unfortunately, this backfires–Merida just hooks up with Moana’s character instead. When asked to roll for how good the lay is, Merida gets a nat 20–and thus her character and Moana’s character end up hooking up regularly throughout the rest of the campaign.

Hiccup introduces a few Wise Old Mentor-type NPCs to guide the party throughout the campaign. While Rapunzel, Elsa, Moana, and Anna actually try to listen to them and take their advice, Merida, Jack, and Eugene absolutely refuse to take them seriously and mercilessly play pranks on them.

At one point, Hiccup gives the party the option to attempt to tame a group of wild dragons and use them as mounts. They all have to make animal handling checks. Anna, Rapunzel, Elsa, and Moana pass. The rest of the party fails, with Jack and Eugene crit-failing. Hilarity ensues.

Hiccup ends up bringing back Anna’s backstory love interest as an NPC regular. Anna thinks he’s just being a good friend and a good DM and trying to incorporate her backstory as much as he can, but really, he just wants an excuse to regularly flirt with her. He hardly has the balls to out-of-game.

Merida comes out as gay toward the end of the campaign. Everyone in the group is extremely supportive, of course, but everyone is also like “Merida…with the amount of barmaids you’ve banged…and the amount of times you and Moana’s character hooked up…this isn’t exactly surprising.”

Hiccup actually finds a way to use Jack and Elsa’s same-concept-opposite-execution characters to the plot’s advantage. He decides one of the main villains will have a prophecy saying he’ll be taken down by a powerful ice mage. The party manages to fool this guy into thinking this ice mage is Jack, and sends Jack to fight him. As soon as the villain sees Jack, he’s like “WHAT??? THIS clown???” (word has absolutely spread throughout the land of Jack not using his ice powers for anything besides mildly annoying trolling). Naturally, the bad guy lets his guard down after thinking he’s going to fight this literal joke, and then Elsa crashes in from the side and absolutely dumpsters him.

Jack tries to defeat the final boss by just annoying him so much that he leaves. Unfortunately, he just annoys him so much that he attacks Rapunzel’s character. Jack’s just like “oh HELL no” and attacks with absolutely nothing held back. Turns out he’s pretty terrifying when he’s not using his magic for Dumb Antics.

During the final boss of the campaign, the Big Bad tries to one-shot Moana’s character, and Merida’s character super theatrically jumps in front of her to take the blow instead. Rapunzel just barely manages to heal Merida’s character, but it’s a really close call. During all this, Merida is like “ah shit...maybe I’m NOT just in this to get fantasy-laid.” After the fight’s over, her and Moana’s characters have a big dramatic love confession and share a Big Damn Kiss in front of everyone. It’s pretty epic.

After the final session of the campaign, Merida drags Moana outside Jack’s apartment and sputters and trips over her words for a solid minute before she finally gets out that through all this nonsense...well...maybe it’s not just in the game that she thinks Moana is hot. Moana just gets this HUGE grin on her face and says “c’mere, Leeroy Jenkins” and just pulls Merida in and kisses her. Cue the rest of the party barging in on them. Merida and Moana freeze, and there’s a moment of terrified silence...and then the entire party starts cheering them on like “took you long enough!”

The entire rest of the party could detect the sexual tension. Literally all of them.

But Eugene is like “HA, THIS MEANS IF WE DO A SEQUEL CAMPAIGN I’M WINNING THAT BET! BECAUSE YOU’RE GONNA BE DATING MO’S CHAR AND THUS NOT ABLE TO SLEEP WITH ANY MORE BARMAIDS!”

By the epilogue session, Jack and Rapunzel are dating. Merida and Moana are also dating. Hiccup and Anna STILL haven’t figured out why they’re so prone to spending half the session flirting when Anna’s love interest shows up, and Hiccup STILL hasn’t figured out why he likes to have Anna’s love interest show up so often. Bless their souls. Maybe they’ll figure it out next campaign...?

Damn I actually really like this...maybe if people like it I’ll do some incorrect quotes or a drabble or something??? Or maybe some HCs from next campaign???

[noblecrumpet-dorkvision]

Overland Travel as a Dungeon

With D&D being canceled last night due to Roll20 issues, I’ve had time to do extra prepwork! I’m trying something new to take the tedium out of overland travel by making it more like a dungeon with “rooms” depending on the choices the players make (the labels are GM-only for my own reference)

I’m also making Long Rests during travel more difficult (so I don’t have to challenge them with deadly encounters at every step): Each long rest, players will need to choose between regaining their hit points, regaining half their max hit dice, or regaining their spell slots/long-rest-recharging features. In other words, three long rests will end up equaling 1 true long rest. They can choose the same thing multiple times in a row.

All encounters are established ahead of time, but which ones they encounter are based on their decisions. My rules for designing the encounters:

75% of encounters must progress the story (7/9 advance the plot here)

Each must be foreshadowed in the players’ options. They should know the extent of dangers of their choices.

50% should be non-combat (traps, RP, skill challenge, etc)

Here are the encounters the players face while in the swamp:

Inclement Weather

A torrential rainstorm begins to rage. (these ones are non-plot encounters)

Seek cover and wait it out: The tree the players rest beneath loosens from a rush of water and falls over, burying and suffocating those that fail the save. Three successful Athletics checks frees them.

Keep moving carefully: A spinosaurus hunts the players using the rain to cover its approach.

Night Terrors

There are no encounters during the day but the players will need to make survival checks to stay on the newly-flooded path. At night, our warlock-turned-wizard has dreams relating to their shadowy ex-patron, who desperately wants control of her back but an amulet is keeping the patron at bay. When she awakens, one of her allies was mind-controlled into stealing the amulet and throwing it into the muck. After the charm fades, shadow stags attack once the warlock is vulnerable (I took large Giant Elks and combined them with undead Shadows, and had their dash create a trail of magic darkness).

Flooded Path

The road passes through a valley that got flooded by the rain.

Cross the Water: The players spot a crocodile in the water. It ignores them for now but it seems the water might be dangerous. They will also need to figure out how they are doing it (boat, swimming?) and make checks. Lizardfolk and a giant crocodile relating to the players’ past can be encountered here. They are hunting and will attack initially, but the players might be able to end combat early if they persuade them.

Find a Way Around: There is a forest filled with strange green mist, similar to a corrupted plant-hydra they saw earlier. They will need to make survival checks and regret not letting the ranger from last session help them. A hag has been corrupting the land near here, and they will get attacked by 3x owlbears with a 5′ poison aura and corrosive claws.

Old Themryl

Depending on which ways the players went, they can access different parts of an old kingdom or try to find the main road again (but, nearing the exit of the swamps, the players might want to lay low for story reasons). The other story stuff in this fork is hard to explain lacking context so I will just explain the encounters.

Investigate skulls on pikes: The players can find Themryl Gardens, a cemetery desecrated by skulls on pikes with glowing eyes. It is currently being raided by a blackguard with 3 skeleton servants. He is trying to break into a mausoleum but his skeletons are too weak. If disturbed, he summons two Flameskulls from the pikes nearby to attack.

Inside the mausoleum is a Spectator guardian. A glyph of warding trap is on a sarcophagus, which also has a secret compartment with story stuff and treasure. the corpse within is also story-related and leads to Old Themryl Keep for the other half of the info.

Find the Road: The players meet a bard belonging to their destination’s innkeepers’ guild. He seeks Old Themryl and will pay handsomely to be led there to gain inspiration for his songs. Players can ignore him if they choose, but at least they will learn about the plot dungeons if they wish to return.

Investigate the bodies: Players find bodies riddled with arrow wounds (but no arrows), crawling away from a thicket before they died. In the thicket is the half-sunken ruins of Old Themryl Keep. It is protected by Sword Wraiths (but with stats for longbows) on the battlements.

Inside, there is a simple statue puzzle and mysterious ghostly antics. The puzzle opens the next chamber.

Next room is a hallway with two normal sword wraiths. One door in the hall is caved in. Another door will open but buries the door opener in muck (trap). Last door leads to a grand hall.

Grand hall is knee-deep in water with rubble islands and a throne peeking above surface. Sword Wraith Commander is here, and summon other sword wraiths. The commander deals bonus lightning instead of necrotic and has a lair action on round 20 where he electrifies the water for a high amount of damage. Players can avoid by the islands or throne, but the minions may push them in. If put to rest, story stuff happens.

Last room has a noble’s treasure and a handmaid’s journal that dispenses plot, and leads to the cemetery for the other half of the info.

Downed Caravan

The players come by a caravan trying to fix their wheels/axle and trying to treat wounded members. One would think they were attacked by bandits, but in reality it was a patrol of corrupt soldiers demanding tax from these merchants from an enemy kingdom from New Themryl (the PCs destination). If the players help the group, they are offered a way into an enemy kingdom with shelter, and rewarded with some of their goods. If not, well... the PCs don’t gain anything. They’re just assholes.

---

And then the players arrive at their destination!

There were multiple paths, options to backtrack and explore, RP elements, mini-dungeons, skill checks, puzzles, traps, and big monsters... just like any dungeon! Feel free to steal any of this and especially the concept of “travel as dungeon” because I think it’s going to be more fun. But we will find out on our next session of the Dorkvision stream! (Sundays 9PM-12 eastern and wednesdays 7-10PM -  https://www.twitch.tv/noblecrumpet)

[callioope]

Thoughts on Critical Role Campaign 2 Episode 133 below the cut!

Post-Battle Capeleb Scene

Me to spouse as I was pressing play: “I apologize ahead of time for any squealing this episode may cause.”

Cut to Capeleb picking up Essek after the battle! All King Kong style!!! Shoving him in front of the two clerics like “Heal him!!!” ahhhh that definitely got a squeal ... incidentally just as my husband was starting a call... oops. 

Bonus: Caduceus being like “dude I wanna heal you too”

Bonus 2: everyone like “Caleb you can put him down” Caleb: nO *puts Essek on his back* i mean caleb knows better than anyone you gotta protect the squishy wizard

Bonus 3!: Jester’s comment about “He doesn’t think clearly when he’s an animal.” and Essek’s “Evidently!” lol 

Let the Cleric Rest!

Okay earlier in the episode, when Laura was insistent on “guys we need to start our long rest ASAP,” I felt that in my bones. I play a cleric in the Tomb of Annihilation campaign I’m in, and we spent 3 or 4 sessions stuck in a dungeon filled with poison gas where we took 1d6 poison damage every hour. So no long rests there. Top that off with the fact that we’ve been in the Chultan jungle even longer, and we don’t get long rests unless we can find and secure a very safe location, and the pain of being a spellcaster and not getting a long rest is REAL.

And then no one was acknowledging her at first! Yeah later Fjord and Beau were like “yeah yeah we agree” but she had to say it so many times!!! And I kept shouting at my screen “listen to Laura Bailey!!!” thinking “my dudes you can do ALL of this talking and planning while you rest pleeeeze get that rest it” because I play a cleric too and running out of a spells is a thing.

Of course, having finished the episode/in hindsight, I’m actually not sure if the even had a full 8 hours from the moment Jester finished her Commune with Artagan to the moment the Tomb Takers arrived, but still. I feel so bad for Laura right now knowing she only has ONE SPELL SLOT left and they’re going up against the Lucien and Cree. She’s clever so I’m sure she’ll think of something but that just is a really sucky feeling going into any battle knowing you don’t have a lot of slots left, let alone The Super Scary Big Battle ahead. soo. yeah. Gonna be worrying about that all week through the end of the next episode. 

Also side note but jeez poor Laura rolling two one’s on that Heroes Feast. She needs to cleanse her dice or buy new ones altogether. she has the WORST luck with rolls.

TOWER TALK & TOUR!!!!!

IT!!! FINALY!!! HAPPENED!!!! I have been longing for Essek to see the Tower since episode 124 if not longer and at last! It was wonderful. AND CALEB SHOWED HIM THE NINTH FLOOR!!! amazing. fantastic. and what a talk. what a talk. ughh yes. they didn’t really have much time in the Tower outside of the Heroes Feast and the long rest but i’m sooooo glad Caleb got the chance to give the tour and they could talk. YAY!

Pursuing Lucien & Cree

Does anyone have any ideas of what they can do here? UGHH i wanna speculate on the best strategy for them (just because I find it to be a fun thought exercise). Like digging through the collapsed tunnel might take too long? Although we have no idea how long Lucien and Cree need. Hopefully the lack of the rest of the 3 Tomb Takers slows them down somewhat but who even knows at this point. I’ve been wondering if there are any teleportation spells that might work -- but Essek’s teleport is way too high to risk in Aeor right? Wonder if there’s any spells to magically clear the rubble? I’m stumped on this one. Super excited to see what they do but in the meantime while I have to wait would love to ponder this puzzle.

Fjord & the Rangers

not super wanting to like dive into intense discourse about this but like. I did have thoughts so here goes. I don’t blame Fjord for making the decision that he did, he had to make a spilt second decision and it seemed very in character for him to choose what he did. It did seem like he was trying to stall to help his party members get more rest, and it makes sense that he’d want to do that, BUT. here’s the thing. Battles in DND only take a minute or so TOPS. There’ s no way the battle itself would slow down the TT. If you’re hoping to delay the TT, you gotta hope the rangers can do enough damage to force them to at least take a short rest if not a long one. That’d only give an hour and that’s still not enough for the long rest the M9 need. 

ALL THAT SAID!!! I think there’s a very good chance that whatever that battle did helped lower the TT’s HP enough so that the traps the M9 laid could finish off the three members it did. So I don’t think it was in vain. Worth it as a delay tactic? Ehh not really. Worth it to hurt the TT? Yes.

And while I do think that Fjord and Essek knew the chances were high they were sending the rangers to their Doom (a) I think the rangers being here in Aeor know that’s an everyday possibility to begin with, and (b) I still think there’s a chance they might have been able to survive/flee. Maybe the TT decided to push past them and fled from the skirmish themselves? Yes it’s possible everyone (including Dagen T_T) fell during that battle, but I don’t think that’s set in stone. 

Also I don’t think the TT would think it’s weird to come across the rangers, they likely already knew they were there. And another thing -- even if they were like “Hmm rangers coincidentally by the entrance we were going to use?” Look they know the M9 became unscryable AND were trying to stop them. I honestly think the TT knew to be on the lookout for TM9 no matter what. And in hindsight -- which obvs Fjord did not have but we know now -- Lucien way underestimated them bc hey, despite everything, the trap still worked. Like, very much of what the M9 was trying to do during this whole arc was keep their cards close to their chest so Lucien would underestimate them. They really did lay the groundwork for that when they were traveling with them. Yeah technically they sort of revealed some of their hand during the Gelidon fight buuut they also ran from the TT limping later that day. So. Yeah. Anyways. 

I’m rambling now and gotta go start dinner. But those are my initial thoughts!!!! Happy to engage in polite discourse. Main things I love talking about are theories for what happens next!!! and also hello, this is my first like, big post in the tag although I’ve already posted a few times in the shadowgast tag. 

[patchdotexe]

Explorers of Arvus: uhhhh / 3.23.21

today's notes are different from usual bc. well. you'll see

LAST TIME ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS i broke my sleep schedule and am barely existing so this is fine. we went back to camp vengeance an uhhhhhhhhhhhh we are now going to fuck off into the forest to die or prove a very important point

oh god we forgot to level up

[mgd voice] BOOSTING NYX TO MAXIMUM LEVEL

im so fuckin tired. what on earth am i doing. how do i level again

k is not here this time but instead we've got mae+nii bonking their heads together to simulate 2 braincells and so far it is not working. i might just have to like fuckin, drop out n zzz partway thru or somethin. would be fun to see how chaotic michael makes charlie in my absensce

oh wait i can do d&dbeyond i think. how do i work this again. will i ever remember i have shield

what level am i. level 6? pog. oh shit i think i have a new thing

. new spell

. 3 total 3rd level spell slots

. bend luck! i can now screw people over on purpose (and will probably use my sorcery points FINALLY)

michael is leveling charlie up bc my brain is apple sos

ASDXFKLJFH I FEEL CALLED OUT zec rb'd my most recent art of MaX with "all i know about xem is that leo likes xem a lot that's the extent of my knowledge" THANK U FOR SUPPORTIN ME ANYWAY

there will be less blaseball distractions than last time bc blaseball is now on siesta. however i will still have MaX brainrot in the background bc i was drawing xem

wyatt mason my beloved

OKAY I GOTTA MUTE THE TACO STAND FOR THE ENTIRETY OF D&D i cannot and will not get distracted. we can do this. we

nintendo wii

we havent even started yet and im already incoherent

ok i have made a decision and that decision is that i do not have the brainpower to play. however i do have the brianpower to take notes hopefully! so ill just like. vibe. this will be a first

oh man im gonan pick up Blink. charlie is gonna be a fucking menace to herself and others

oh my god its not concentration so charlie may continue teleporting while unconscious. thorne is going to hate this

[charlie gets her soul eaten by a ring] [charlie singing dragonston din tei at halvkWAIT JORB HAS A PRIZE

jorb got a thing! an evil genius thing! figure man. fugrine. figuring. help

GREEN HAS DIAGNOSED ME AS TIGREX MONSTERHUNTER i love this

my notes are a disaster. this is so sucks

serotonin is stored in the wiggly zoomy jorb camera

jorb: his pinky is the size of the rest of his fingers

leo: he has a disease

jorb: he has a disease.

jorb: that disease is male pattern baldness

leo: [reduced to tearful giggling for mysterious reasons]

LAST TIME, ON EXPLORERS OF ARVUS: we've returned to camp vengeance! taure is still unconscious, which is not very great. camp vengeance is doin better tho!

michael, as part of the recap: ingrid is getting railed by her new girlfriend,

first dice roll of the day is michael rolled a 1. good start

OH THORNE IS AN ARTIFICER NOW thorne took a level in artificer!

"...it's like figuring out the right mathematical equation to summon a gun."

group is gonna go check out the statue that we passed by now that we're not WHAT DO YOU MEAN PONK AND GEORGE CANONICALLY HAVE IBS thats it im not looking at 772 anymore

im doing a bad job of paying attention but at least im Present

SIERON LEARNED FLY AND USED IT ON CHARLIE

michael: what do you want to do with your new flying powers?

leo: how many problems can i cause in 10 minutes

guard 1: ...why is the halfling flying?

guard 2: [rolls a 3 on intelligence] i think they can just do that

groundhogs, the real scourge of the campaign

silje and sieron are gonna hunt a big elk. they got distracted and sieron is putting grass on silje's head. i think

WAIT WE'RE ON WATCH NOW FUCK

we have discovered kali's tragic backstory whoops

update i am. too sleepy for this. good nigh everyone

[ and then leo went and somewhat took a nap! solar, normally playing thorne, started playing charlie in my stead. @jorbs-palace, local hero, started taking shitpost notes in my stead. ]

jorb's ghostwritten notes for leo:

help solar is immediately doing a cursed voice for charlie. charlie can do so many crimes

congratulations, charlie is now temporarily immortal!

dwarves can hit things with their beard

kali wants to know if she's legally allowed to bail

she'd feel really bad if she had to loot our corpses for payment if we died.

we have entered the Tree Zone

one of the corpses is now a flamingo (has one leg)

silje has decided to stab the ground. take that, dirt

kali was large size for a second there but then she remembered to not be a giant

"you accidentally deleted my cat?!"

silje has learned naruto cloning jutsu

be gone, thot

oh boy, making an int check to look at a statue! 11! silje is dumb apparently.

hmm. the statue has divination magic. it's also affecting silje.

SILJE LEARNED A 6TH LEVEL SPELL? its only single use but still

you solved my statue riddllllleeeee

thorne forgot to have eyes

its a shame mac and cheese doesnt exist in the d&d universe

wizards are just math criminals (the criminal part is setting people on fire)

sieron crit fails a check but it was still a 9 because of having +8

thorne is looking for what's weird!

uh oh music got scary, never a good sign

hmm. those leaves over there weren't dead a moment ago.

UNDEAD TROLL TIME! rolling initiative

"it's ok, im a wizard, it's my duty to be correct." "wow! waow!"

woooah here he comes

IT JUST DID HALF SIERON'S HEALTH AS A PASSIVE END OF TURN EFFECT?

thorne backed up and cast eldri- oh, ray of enfeeblement. character development continues

charlie is going to just blink out of existence for a minute.

big chungus has grabbed silje and sieron. BIG CHUNGUS HAS THROWN SILJE AND SIERON.

sieron is using hit and run tactics! isn't good at his extra attack yet though

silje is activating bid bid blood blood blood

thorne uses beam of skipping your leg day. troll's legs are now skipped.

michael is trying to determine what a 'clavicle' is

"does that mean the star trek kind, or the bdsm kind?"

charlie wants to cast magic missile.

charlie has vanished back into the ethereal plane mid-taunt

silje has decided to not get bitten today

silje may or may not have stats.

oh, right, trolls are weak to fire! and also we forgot to upgrade sieron's firebolt. so it actually hurts now!

silje is full of knives and blades and does 31 damage in one turn!

charlie shouts words of encouragement from the ethereal plane. a nearby ghost vibes with this.

🎉 eldritch blast 🎉

kali remembered she hates the sun

silje is enthuasiatic about charlie saying "get him cat boy!"

charlie contemplating using fireball to nuke the troll and also the entire stonehenge

charlie has decided to use magic missile instead, probably for the best

the troll bit at charlie SO POORLY it broke some of its teeth on the ground

charlie is too small to hit

accidentally rolled advantage on a firebolt, so got to learn it WOULD have done 29 damage with a crit but instead it missed because it was not actually with advantage

silje has just sliced open its entire back and made a spray of frozen blood! radical. big boy is down!

we have burned the body because we are not stupid. well, we ARE stupid, but not stupid in the way of leaving a body full of necrotic magic around

[dr coomer voice] i think it's good that he died!

we're also doing a funeral pyre for the other corpses that were around. just to be sure.

our loot is: the satisfaction of a job well done

thorne is cosplaying as charlie

charlie has located the direction troll came from! she found the 'the way to sweet loot' sign

thorne is apparently better at survival checks than our hired guide? wack

we found a viking house! it has: mead, a shield, gravestones,

found a gold coin in the mead! maybe it was thirsty

oh theres a LOT Of coins in there actually. 60 gold and 120 silver!

have successfully pointed out a hole in the DM's logic :)

there was a raven! it cawed and left. ok bye buddy

and that's where we leave it! heading back to camp vengeance next time.

someone rated this session a 7.2 out of 10, which is very specific

good night mr coconut