#i am barely exaggerating

[and-fishing-equipment]

i've started reading tvl and no amount of posts telling me there's a "huge tonal shift" could have prepared me for this HUGE TONAL SHIFT this is the funniest fucking thing i've ever read it genuinely goes like:

louis, narrator of iwtv: as i wandered the streets of paris, i wished most of all for death. i had called to god, to satan, anyone, to find meaning in it all. but for an evil creature such as myself there is no place in this world. there can be no love where this evil lies. it was as though a veil separated me from all that could be good and righteous. i did not deserve to love and be loved in return, not by claudia, lestat, armand. to attempt it would be a sisyphean task, a fools tale. and yet...... the need for hole from armand was so great. greater was only the need for........ living human blood.

lestat, narrator of tvl: hey guys, my name is lestat, you may know me because i'm really hot and sexy. english isn't my first language so sorry if i make any mistakes!! okay here's my story: after rotting beneath the earth for decades, my hot and sexy body has finally risen from the ground. i used to be depressed, but now i'm slutting it up again in the 20th century! first thing i did was get some (hot and sexy) new clothes and then wore them while riding my (hot and sexy) motorcycle and listening to bach on my sony walkman. while i was watching this super niche indie film (you've probably not heard of it) "apocalypse now" i realized that i'm so evil that i shouldn't exist. but then i realized what could make me deserve to live on this planet: rock n roll music.

[yesiknowimshort]

steph is so unhinged. like imagine telling your high school boyfriend “YO I’M PREGNANT! but don’t worry bozo ur still a virgin, it’s not yours. ur kissing skills ain’t that good”

[everythingsbetterunderthestars]

Oh oh oh I just had another fic idea the Gods are speaking through me I must write this down immediately lest I forget it and the poor fandom will never be graced by this genius story

[thesparrow1996]

love coming across uncataloged things on the shelves at work with 30 year old notes in them that just say “this thing sucks get rid of it in 20 years when we don’t have to worry about the donor”

[existennialmemes]

I was totally heartbroken when the love of my life left me, until I met this Wizard who promised he could brainwash my soulmate into coming home. You too could coercively reconcile with your ex, if you contact my Wizard Friend today! Just follow this extremely benign link and verify your banking information!

[spookyscaryscouticus]

Being on Tumblr and actually talking to people who don’t use social media at all is hysterical because I listen to old people bitch about how Harris is a filthy communist who wants Israel to get nuked and hates america and wants to destroy it and then go on Tumblr and the tumblr users are bitching about how she’s not nearly communist enough and isn’t helping Palestine and also she should be embarrassed of being an American, actually

[doesnotloveyou]

online articles these days are all pointlessly fluffed up click bait except the bait is things you actually need. you search "keurig not responding" and the first lines out of any top article are just,

If you love coffee, you may own a Keurig...

With 20 million sold...

Who doesn't love a good cup of coffee?...

Mmmm, I just LOVE my Keurig!

followed by four paragraphs of BS about Keurigs like this is a recipe on some mommy blog. you skip to the troubleshooting and it's,

If it's not turning on, have you tried plugging it in?

If it isn't brewing, have you tried cleaning it of the crap you've filled it with?

If the screen isn't working, you must have done something to make the computer unhappy!

If resetting it isn't working, that's probably because you're a moron for buying a computer to make coffee. Your ancestors are having a good laugh at your expense!

Go to the official support page and before you can read anything a popup fills the screen "Get 20% Off Your Next Purchase by Signing Up Now!" because of course the only way to fix a product is to just buy a whole new one

[justthatspiffy]

i'm actually done with cute pixar eyes, i need nimona to look more like bobby hill

[frogkicks]

THEM

I haven't done a screenshot edit manip thingy in years! These were always so fun.

[patchworkgargoyle]

Have an appointment with an endocrinologist on April 1st about starting T and aaaaAAAAAAAA

[habitual-creatures]

Pony Steph is hungry. So, she has started to munch and bite on the comfy blanket. Nothing weird here.

Honestly that's so fair lmao.

[rem-ral]

Everyday im hopeful and confident in my art, my friends finish an art piece. And then im just there like. Yeah. Mhm. Yup. Alright. Because i KNOW that my ass is incapable of even comparing to that

Art studies could be helpful, yes, especially if its a thing i barely understand, but the thing is that my brain deems it as too boring to be worthwhile

And then i forget about it and the cycle repeats again. Sighhhhhhh

[worminthewood]

sometimes you have to full-on sob and weep over the (kinda) gay dad dice podcast.

and it'll be alright

[lotus-ignis]

My (99% spoilerless) reaction to the first 2 minutes of Wish world:

OMG, The Rani! My beloved! 😍

What kind of German are these people speaking? /derogatory

And it just kinda fluctuates between these two.

New (and hopefully last) add on: The Rani is so hot, and I would kill to have her call me 'Liebchen'. I have a weakness for pet names, alright?!

[higherhell]

This lyric has been stuck in my head for days on end and it reminds me of something you might see as a catcrumb caption so here's a...fullcrumb...? ahaha

[pisshandkerchief]

the version of i'm on fire from disc 3 of bruce springsteen and the e street band live 1975-85 is like. downright indecent. what was his deal here. absolute unrepentant slut behavior. someone has the remote control vibrator turned up to the max setting. why is he like low-key whining for it