#i am but a humble slave to ignorance

[lemme-just-oops]

Aah hello!

I love your prompts and I wanted to ask about how would the sorcerers react to an MC who is a professional ballerina!

Alpheratz: He says he will drop by to see your performances if he has the time. He always finds the time. But he does not really like dances and music, as he was only able to hear one genre his entire life. What you do is up to you and he recognized the effort that goes into it.

Arcturus: He wants to watch you prepare and he may try a few moved too, because they look elegant and simple. When he discovers that it takes more energy and muscles than he has, he admires you even more and states it. But that foes not stop him from trying to join your choreography once in a while. But it is so irregular, he barely manages.

Pollux: As a musical kid, he likes dances. He likes dancing. But he does not like his tendency to break a few legs when he tries to do that. So, as a responsible sorcerer, he watches and cheers for you whenever he can! Some of your movements frighten him, because he can count how many times he would have failed trying that.

Sirius: He says he does not like plays, and yet he watches every single one. Always gets the best seat as well! When you ask him why,he says that it simply is interesting to overhear what those "rich folks" talk about to feel more prestine and powerful. And because he likes to spill champagne over those who make rude comments about the performers, just because he can.

Spica: He learnt ballet privately, but he knows how strict the staff can be regarding basically everything in your life. So, he does worry about you sometimes. But when you assure him that you are fine, he believes you. And he is ready to help you in any way he can. Whether this may be training with you, introducing you to a few influential people or buying tickets; possibly all of them.

Vega: He does gymnastics, you do ballet. Only that he does gymnastics as a hobby and you are set to expectations. To him it can be bothersome to watch your performances, because everything in the building tends to be loud. And since you'll be preparing for your performance, he would sit in his seat alone and might feel lonely. But he will try to attend a few, at least. Maybe with Spica, because he is the only other sane person he knows.

[juletheghoul]

if you are still taking requests for the general can we PLEASE see what would happen if reader were ever in danger or threatened or kidnapped? to see marcus’ reaction and him do whatever it takes to get them back?? and his reaction to when he does?? 😭😭 i’m shaking askingthis omg,,

You're so right for this nonny, you're practically in my head. I was working on a chapter of the General, and it's basically this so here we go!

Warnings; 18+ no minors, vague but big-legal age gap, piv sex, dirty talk, violence, attack on the villa - you are hurt and Marcus gets serious, hurt/comfort, creampie, master / slave dynamic (power imbalance), Marcus calls reader Girl, reader calls Marcus Dominus, let me know if I missed any!

Unbeta’d, any mistakes are my own!

Pairing: Marcus Acaciusx F!Reader

word count: 2.8k

reblogs are appreciated

Prev chapter Masterlist series masterlist

-

Your fingers cramped, his tunic had been more damaged than you’d initially thought and what you’d imagined would only take a few minutes, had taken the better part of an hour. With his tunic mended, you used the small knife to cut the thread and blessedly stretched, wincing at the ache in your back from being hunched over. An odd feeling weighed down the pit of your stomach and it was hard to place until you realized how eerily quiet the house was. Not just the familiar quiet of night, but an all-encompassing hush that seemed to cover everything like a blanket. 

No crickets chirping, no night birds singing, even the breeze seemed to have stopped. An icy finger followed the line of your spine and when his dogs began barking loudly, it almost made you jump out of your skin. 

You ignored the unease in your stomach and reassured yourself, the hour had grown late, and all of the chores had been completed. All that was left to do was fill the water basin in his private chamber, as well as yours. The dogs still barked as you made your way through the peristyle, irritated that despite being well trained, they did not relent. It was unlike them to ignore a command from your dominus and with a frown you belatedly notice one of the house's guards lying prone. 

You gasped, rushing over to him to help him, hoping it was only the heat that had gotten to him. You turned him, struggling to reach his face when your hands felt something wet, and with a barely contained scream, you saw that he had been attacked, and had not survived. The realization hit you like a knife to the belly, there was someone in the house, someone intent on sending your Dominus to the underworld. 

Ice crawling through your veins and with your heart in your throat, you ran towards his chambers to warn him.

The halls were dark and quiet as you ran as fast as your legs could carry you, praying to Diana to bless you with swiftness, to Mars to bless Marcus’ sword, and to humbly beg Pluto to stay away. 

Diana did not listen, and a shadow caught you unawares in the dark hall outside his chamber, cutting off the scream before it left your mouth. Your vision blurred as the faceless hulk behind you all but lifted you by the throat, making you squirm in his grip until he pressed the sharp tip of his blade to your back. 

“Silence!” He hissed into your ear, pain radiating from your neck, and where his knife cut shallowly into the skin of your back. You tried to scream, to kick and struggle out of his grip but it was iron, and when he slammed you back against the wall the world turned on its head. You choked on the coughs stuck in your throat, vaguely making out the angry words he hissed in your face. 

“Where is he? Where does he keep the valuables?” The fight was going out of you, your eyes, felt like they were going to pop out of your head, and your hands had surely been weighed down with something. Warmth ran down your back. 

Your vision blurred and a sinking realization hit you. 

I am going to die here.

Everything faded for a moment before you fell, hard, onto the ground. Breathing in felt like swallowing fire, your body was so heavy, and you couldn’t be sure how much time passed before you took in the scene. The man that had attacked you was on the floor before you, his eyes open, but never to see anything again. 

“Are you hurt?” His voice is like a balm and it’s with frantic hands that you clutch at him where he’s crouched in front of you. 

“Dominus-”  Your voice comes out like gravel, your throat burning so much so, tears fill your eyes and he shakes his head, shushing you softly. 

“Quiet girl, do not speak if it pains you, simply nod, are you hurt anywhere but here?” His hand is wet with blood, but it touches your neck soft as silk. You nod your head as he helps you to stand, holding you close to his warmth, his eyes scan over all of you, frowning when he sees the blood seeping through the back of your tunic, and flowing down towards your ankle. 

“Let me see.” He lifts it, turning you in his grip and an angry sound fills his mouth. 

Your heart fills with something huge, something unknowable, unnamable. 

“Can you walk?” The strength in him rears its head, and he practically holds you up, you nod your head yes and he nods back once, pressing his bloody finger to his lip to keep you quiet before tucking you in behind him. He picks up his sword and slowly, you both make your way through his halls, hunting those who dared threaten him. He pokes his head around a corner and is confronted with a small group of his attendants, the older women, the toughest of them has a knife in her hand. 

“Hide yourselves, I will find you once the threat is removed. Go to the cellar and bar yourselves in.” He nods once and they obey, trusting him to protect those who are alive. You move to join them but his free hand holds you tight. “You stay with me, girl.”

You nod and hold onto his arm like an anchor. 

He finds them in his library, rifling through his things and for a moment your heart drops at the sight of them. There are four of them, and they turn in unison, dropping his parchments and smiling to see him alone, and worst of all, accompanied by an injured slave. 

Wordlessly they begin to circle and with your throat burning, you begin to pray once more. 

One of them advances too quickly and Marcus slices him from throat to groin without blinking. The blood splatters onto Marcus and then spreads from where the man falls on the floor and you feel as though you’re stuck in a nightmare. 

“I will give the rest of you the chance to keep your lives if you leave now.” 

“To what end? You’ve seen our faces, you will just come looking for us.” One of the braver ones spits it back in his face, looking to the others for support. They advance but he doesn’t let them close enough to hurt either of you. You see why he’s earned his reputation firsthand, and your brain rebels against itself. Part of you is terrified to see such violence outside the arena, in the place that is your home no less. Another part of you though, rejoices to see him fight for his house, for you. His sword moves swiftly, as fluid as water as he cuts his way through them with terrifying ease. 

He drips in their blood, unfeeling, unseeing, until there is one left on the ground, clutching at his wounds. 

“Mercy, I beg of you!” He holds his hands up, eyes shining with a fear you have never seen. 

“The time for mercy has passed.” He blocks your view, but you hear the sound of flesh parting, a sickening gurgling sound, and then silence. 

You stand there in the dark room, still as a statue until he blocks your vision again, his bloodied hands holding your face softly. He says nothing, only holds your gaze and you cannot help but press yourself close, gripping onto his arms if only to convince yourself that he is healthy and whole before you. 

Wordlessly, he leads you away from the gore of the room. He completes his circuit of the house, finding the guards that survived the attack as well as other attackers, none of them having survived their attempt. 

He thanks them for fulfilling their duty to protect and orders them to dispose of the gore corrupting his home. He orders them to find the others hidden away, to let them know the house is once again safe. Your hands tremble, but you cannot be sure if it’s from fear or from the way he has not let you go since this whole ordeal began. You look down as he speaks his commands, to see the way his hand sits on your hip, wrapped around you, pressing you close to his side. The blood on his hands has seeped into the fabric of your tunic, it is smeared all over your arms and your neck. You swallow and the pain is still there, and when you shift his hand tightens around you, pressing into the shallow cut and you wince. 

He feels the way you shy away from the pain, and promptly dismisses his guards, advising them that fresh water and linens are to be brought to him at once. 

“Come girl, let me tend to that.”

-

The shaking does not stop, neither does the feeling of ghostly fingers wrapping themselves around your neck. Neither does the pain. Your fingers itch to do something, but with your Dominus cleaning and bandaging your wound, you can do nothing but stand in front of him, and tremble like a leaf. 

He does his best to soothe, but his gentle touch and soft words can only do so much. There is anger in you, a sharp clawing desire to break something, to hurt those that hurt you, those that snuck into his house like rats to do naught but harm. If your throat didn’t hurt so much, you’d scream. His lips bring you back though, where they press to your back when he is done bandaging you up. 

You watch him, wild-eyed with the blood still pounding in your ears, and wonder how he can be so calm, cleansing the blood off his skin like he’s done it a thousand times. But hasn’t he? The reality of him becomes crystal clear, this was nothing to him. His eyes are focused on the task at hand, they move methodically, dipping into the water and scrubbing at his face, and his arms. He undresses to the skin and continues his ritual, only looking to you once he is satisfied with his state. 

“Come, girl, undress.” Your body falls into its usual rhythm, obedience. 

You strip, careful of the wound and your neck, and once nude, you walk over to him. Silently, he dips a new cloth and sets about his task. Your face is first, gently but thoroughly cleaned of every drop of blood. Your arms next, and then your neck. You wince, but stay still. Handprints that had seeped through and marked your hip, your back, all of them wiped away like they’d never been there. He crouches and follows the trail of your blood where it had slid down the swell of your ass, down the back of your leg towards your ankle. Not a drop is spared, and then he is done.

“Thank-” It's a harsh whisper that comes out of your mouth, and he doesn’t let you finish the sentiment.

“Do not speak, I would not have you in pain. Your throat must heal and the more you speak the longer it will take.” He pressed a soft kiss to your brow, but you held him close, cold all of a sudden as you stood there in his chamber, both of you bathed in moonlight and damp from the cloth. He lets you clutch to him, lets you press yourself into the cage of his arms, and wraps you up in them. He is the cure, you do not tremble when he holds you like this. 

An ache builds, the need for comfort, for warmth, for affection. For love, whispers a tiny little part of you, a part you ignore. 

You stand on the tips of your toes and press your lips to his, hoping he can sense what you need. 

“Are you not in pain?” His fingers curl around the long line of your neck, feather-soft, holding your gaze as you try to kiss him again. You nod, but try again anyway and he holds you still. You mouth the words, exaggerating the shapes of them in your mouth so he will understand. 

“I need you.”

He searches your eyes and is satisfied with what he finds, nodding once and then finally giving you his mouth, his tongue, and the loveliest of sounds from deep in his chest. 

You take charge and push him to sit on his bed, guiding him to lie on his back and he follows where you lead, arranges himself exactly how you want him, and lets you climb onto him. You straddle his waist, fitting his hardening cock between the lips of your sex. He bites his lip, eyes focused on the way you rock yourself along his length and despite giving you control of this encounter, his hands land heavy on your hips. His fingers dig in, sliding up to hold onto your breasts, both fingers pinching and stroking at the peaked tips of them in the way he knew you liked, the way he knew would turn your cunt into a fountain of arousal. 

“Use me, girl, do what you need, take your pleasure.” One hand stayed on your breast, the other went to his lips and he dipped his thumb into his mouth, wetting it before sliding it between where the head of his cock peeked out from between your legs and slipped it over your clit. A heavy sigh leaves your mouth, the pain in your throat mingling with the pleasure between your legs. 

You bend forward, pressing your mouth to his with an urgency that claws at your very being. The desperation isn’t just in you though, there’s something of the caged animal in Marcus, a tremble in his fingers when they dig into the meat of your hips that conveys an itch to take control. You need this now though, so with his tongue in your mouth, you lean forward and lift your hips enough to give your hand room to grasp the weeping head of him, and notch it at your soaked entrance. 

It’s almost too much, the way he fills you, the slick head of him almost too deep. His cock twitches and you cannot help but clench around him, your cunt flooding with waves and waves of arousal for him. His hands are charged like the air before a storm, roaming from your thighs, to your hips, up to thumb and strum at your nipples. Moans and whimpers slip out despite the pain in your throat. 

You roll your hips, the pressure against your clit radiates out and the pleasure builds. It makes you frantic, the slip of him inside made all the better with the way you soak his lap. You speed up, chasing the friction and the pleasure just there, despite the burn in your thighs and the sweat beading on your brow with the effort of your movements. 

“That’s it girl, fuck me-” Your stomach drops with the dark thrill of him letting you take, your nipples so sensitive under his thumbs, it’s almost painful. You want to go faster, but you’re losing steam, and you let out a sigh in frustration, pushing past the discomfort. 

“Come, let me give it to you.” His hands slip around your back, and he pulls you forward, so you lie onto his chest folded into his embrace. He wraps his arms around you, fully, holding your arms to your sides so you can do nothing but take, and then he gives. 

He plants his feet, and thrusts up hard, and fast enough to make your mouth fall open in a silent scream. 

“This is how you want it, hard, you want to feel this cock for days don’t you girl?” He grunts out the words, and despite the red, violent haze of his love, you cannot help but marvel at the strength in him. 

“Yes, please Dominus, don’t stop-” It comes out whispery, into the crook of his neck but he shudders all the same, and somehow, he fucks up into you harder. You turn to liquid in his arms, shuddering when the climax hits you hard as a punch to the gut. He lets out a guttural sound, but fucks you through it just the same, drawing out the orgasm until it takes him under. 

He comes hard, rope after rope of his release painting your insides. Hot and messy and it almost makes you purr like a cat.

He lets go, both of you breathing hard, and sticky with the sweat of exertion. 

“Give me a few minutes.” He breathes hard, while you press soft kisses, and kitten licks where the salt of him collects, “I will fuck you again, I am ravenous for you, girl.” His hands reach down, and grab at the meat of your ass and you smile. 

“Yes Dominus.” It doesn’t hurt as much as it did, and you’re sure that by morning, you’ll be right as rain. 

-

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[astolfofo]

Notes: Slight lapse in judgement moment. (Please comment or reblog with something because I actually dedicated time for this one. I am humbly begging.)

Tw: non-con, gunplay, slight blood play, abusive behaviour, mentions of murder, yandere.

Tagging @yandere-romanticaa on this one, thank you for being the enabler to this (jokingly)

Also on a side note, if you want to listen to something when listening to this, it was inspired by sex with a ghost by teddy hyde, and bo en- pale machine (entire album)

Word count: 4.4K

Dazai had never quite sunken this low before.

He lays down onto the bed, with the gun clattering to the ground. He disregards it as he throws it to the floor, watching it slide across the room. It was useless now, anyways. There were no bullets inside, and it was quite the outdated model, that would be useless against anyone with even the slightest of strength.

All that’s left now is an overwhelming shame. An overwhelming shame that he touched himself, using that weapon for several previous hours, as a means to relieve himself. He feels so disgusted in himself again, as he looks at the rifle, which was now covered in a mixture of his own sweat and cum. It was so disgusting to look at, almost as evidence as to how much he had become a slave to his own desires. Almost as if he was succumbing to some kind of poision that plagued his mind on the daily.

And it didn’t even feel good, he thought to himself. I merely relieved myself enough to clear my mind, if even that.

Dazai looks around the room again. There’s nothing to see, and nothing to feel other than a sick sense of shame. A sense of shame that he decided to touch himself with a gun, while thinking of you. He wasn’t really thinking when he did that, he kind of just did it on impulse, without previous judgement. Yet as Dazai’s eyes dart back to the gun, and his mind drifts to other places. He pictures you cum, and sweat, with a mixture of yours and his cum dripping out of your hole. Your neck is covered with hickeys and bite marks and bruises running down your body. You’re panting, and slightly whimpering from pain, yet you also know he’s the only one who is able to fuck you this good.

He looks down at his cock, which is yet again, hard. He ignores it this time, not wanting to deal with his own arousal, instead choosing to lament over the fact that you were long gone from his life.

But still, he longs for your presence. A person long gone from his life. He longs for you to come back, but you never will.

Dazai shakes his head out of those thoughts, hoping to temporarily think about something else, anything at all that will make prison even slightly more bearable. He looks at the ceiling observing the fluorescent lights, and the solid white ceiling, which reminds him of the situation he’s currently in. Once again, he’s painfully reminded of why he was here. A detainment for ability users, built so they could stay here until they would eventually rot and die. There wasn’t any more to it than that.

He turns on the side again. He doesn’t want to think about that right now, either.

As he lays there, he’s painfully reminded how it’s been two years since you had broken up with him. Not that he was able to keep track of time in prision, but if he were to logically deduce the amount of times he had waken up and fallen asleep, it was about two years since you had broken up with him.

Yet the ghost of your presence haunts him constantly. Even after two years, Dazai had still not gotten over the breakup. No matter how badly he wanted to, he would always come back thinking of you. That you were still there, with him, and not somewhere else. That you still lived with him, that you never ran away from Yokohama, and that he never kidnapped and held you captive. He wanted to imagine that you’d be sitting at home, waiting, wondering where he was, instead of hopping on the nearest train, running away from him.

That you were the same person as who he met you first as, that somewhere at the back of your mind, you still thought of him, at least just a little.

However, he knew all of that was false. You were probably living a normal life again, back in your hometown, maybe with someone else you thought was better for you. Maybe by now, you had recovered from all the injuries he had gaven you over the years, maybe had gone back to the initial person you were, an individual he found so intriguing and rare, that he unwillingly fell for.

He was happy for you, if you were. As happy as he could be, if not exceptionally bitter.

He closes his eyes and imagines you again, how you would look right now, smiling and with some… other guy. It’s not a pleasant feeling imagining you with someone else. Jealousy, envy, and a eerie sort of anger arise in him. No… it’s not anger, he’s not sure what it was. It was closer to an urge to take you away from him, for whatever unknown reason.

Still, you had long ago let go of him, but he’d never let go of you. You had never loved him, but he’d needed you more than man needs air to live. He pictures the scene again, and that possessive feeling comes back again. It felt almost as if the air was being knocked out of his lungs the longer he looked at you and the man together.

You plagued his mind constantly, to the point where Dazai was willing to relieve the pain by almost killing himself with the rifle earlier. Still however, Dazai recognized he needed you as man needs air to live.

Yet he felt rooted in the ground, as his mind went blank again. He felt as if he was fighting a primal urge. He felt as if he was struggling in a room devoid of air, as the helplessness begins to settle down. But he won’t give up, he’ll fight until the very last second to stay alive. All he needs is for that man to be gone. Witnessing so… happy with another man made it feel like every breath he took was poision, and every step he took feel like stabbing his foot. He doesn’t want to see this again.

His vision goes blurry, and then black.

-

Dazai’s now walking down a dark alleyway. He’s not sure where it is, or how he got there, but he feels as if he’s stuck here now. There’s no sense of urgency, rather, a small, creeping sense of paranoia of why or how he’s here. The alleyway feels endless as if he was trying to escape a large maze. He can’t see to the other end of the alleyway, instead, constantly running into dead ends.

He wonders where he is. Was this another dream of some type? He can’t say for sure, it feels too surreal to be reality. But whatever it was, he felt like he was supposed to find something. There was something else in the maze… that was more important than a way out.

You.

At that exact moment, he hears footsteps. He turns around to see you walking in a different direction, at the entrance of the dead end he currently stands in. You’re calm, you look the same as you always did. And he’ll chase after you this time.

Dazai walks as quietly as he could, following you, to wherever you plan on going. You make several turns; one right and three lefts, before you stop at a door. A door that would likely lead you elsewhere, away from him. To somewhere you wanted to go, or needed to go. But that wasn’t the concern. If he let you go through the door, you’d be gone again. Gone forever.

And he’d lose you again. He can’t lose you again.

“Leaving so soon (Y/N)?”

You look at him. You finally turn around and look at him. He can’t tell the exact emotion of your facial expression, but he takes it with relish either way. Your eyes are wide, contorted with fear, yet anger, with some kind of underlying urgency. A urgency to run. Escape the situation.

But Dazai’s faster than you are. As you try to push open the door, Dazai manages to grab onto your arm and push you back first. You gasp for a quick second, and then regain your composure again, glaring daggers into his eyes.

“Let… Let me go you fucking bastard.”

Dazai smirks, “No.”

As on instinct, your breathing becomes shallow and rapid, as your face fills with dread and anxiety. You’re fighting against his grip, trying to break free from the position Dazai has you in, with your arms pinned against the wall, and his knee in between your thighs, keeping you in place. Dazai, on instinct, grips you by the arms tighter, until you feel like there’s no blood going into your hands.

“You were going to leave, weren’t you?” He mutters. “You were going to leave me alone here, and escape. You know I was going to find you either way, right?”

You open your mouth to protest at him, to tell him to fuck off, but nothing comes out of your mouth. Your jaw feels glued shut, it feels paralyzed.

“You can never truly escape from me, no matter how hard you try to forget the days I held you captive. No matter what, you’ll meet me again in some way, some shape, or some form,” he continues. “You should just accept that.”

Your heart is racing. You want to speak, you want to scream, but your brain doesn’t seem to be able to command your body to do these things. You’re struggling. Your hands are still shaking, trying to break free of his grip. You’re doing everything you can just to not give out on the spot, because you know, that Dazai will take you away if you do that. But you can’t win against him either. Not like this.

Your jaw trembles, as you attempt to call for help, scream, see if anyone is there. But Dazai is faster than you. He covers your mouth and you make out a muffled sound instead. “Shh.. don’t scream. There’s no one here to help you anyways.”

His voice sounds so gentle, so soft, it sounds loving, and genuine, if only you didn’t know what he had done to you at all. Dazai was always good at this, you could never say no to him, he always knew how to make your irrational heart win against your logical brain. Even though you could deny it to yourself all you wanted… if Dazai wasn’t so… cruel to you, you would have fallen for him several times over. But he wasn’t.

He was a monster. A monster with a luring personality, and a luring face, waiting for you to fall. Waiting for you to fall so he can posses you wholly. And you would have never known otherwise, until truly understood who and what he was.

“Just let me have my way with you, just this once, yeah?”

He doesn’t wait for your answer. It wasn’t like he was going to listen whether you said yes or no, anyways. No matter what your answer was, he was going to continue with his actions.

And so, he kissed you. As always, they start off so gentle, so tender, that you could believe it was true. That he wasn’t going to be rough with you later on. His sweet demeanor could only last so long before he lost control of himself.

So you were right. Within moments of your lips touching, his kissing instantly became more desprate, as if his life depended on it. Soon, you begin trying to pull back to breathe, but Dazai won’t let you. He’s waited two years, he’s not going to wait any longer.

So you try to breathe through your nose with as much oxygen as you can get. Dazai doesn’t stop, he’s trying to engrain the taste of your mouth inside his brain, he’s trying to make this last forever. It’s what he truly wants.

And so the gentleness that masks him as human is gone now. He’s doesn’t care if you’re struggling to breathe, or if this is all wrong, that he should let you have your own free will. He’s acting as a man who has not seen oxygen in years. A man that has been rejuvenated back into life by your presence.

And so his actions, initially kissing, have now turned into an action so rough, that it was making your mouth bleed slightly. And he doesn’t stop. The blood gets smeared over both your mouths, the taste of the iron stinging your tongue, and the back of your throat. It gets into his mouth too, and smears over both your lips, almost like a lipstick.

And only when it’s like that, does he stop. But you know this is far from done. You know what happens next and you don’t want it to happen. You inhale through your mouth, trying the best to ignore that your mouth is bleeding. You chest heaves up and down, while Dazai watches, wiping the blood off your blood off his mouth, and tasting it.

It’s addictive. It tastes so sweet to him.

Dazai then grips your chin with his index finger and thumb, while running his thumb over your lips. It’s supposed to be an intimate gesture, maybe a slightly romantic one, but you flinched either way.

You had always reacted this way to Dazai’s touch. No matter how many times he touched you, it always felt foreign to you. None of his actions felt they were done purely as of itself. They always led onto to something, often meant to confuse you. You hated it. You couldn’t what he wanted to do when he did certain actions and you always got the feeling he was playing with you for the fun of it, and that was most likely the case, most of the time.

Dazai smears the blood on your face and admires you.

Your face is visibily red, from the aggressive makeout session,, and your hair is discheveled, covering fractions of your face. Dazai brushes those strands away, as he looks at you. In return, you glare at him, feeling slightly grossed out, but in no position to protest. He then lets go of your arms, letting you fall slack against the wall for a second, and the realization hits again. Your heartbeat quickens at that, and you feel the urge to run, again.

Before you can make a move, you’re held in place again, by Dazai’s knee, which held you securely to the wall. You watch in terror as he takes off his coat and tosses it aside, discarded on the floor. No words are exchanged between the two of you, as you stare at him. Dazai moves his hands towards your chest, and starts unbuttoning your shirt as well.

“D-dazai… please stop…” you mutter.

Dazai puts a finger over your lips. “Just relax, and try to enjoy it, okay? I’ll make sure you feel good, and that you’ll never forget this time.”

“N-no that’s not what I mean. I don’t… I don’t want to do this…please…”

“It’s okay, darling. You know you want this, either way.”

The very air around you and Dazai seemed to be suffocating in a way you couldn’t quite say. It was tense, almost like an elastic band pulled to the very limit of what it could do, awaiting to snap at any moment.

And you were angry. Angry at Dazai that he wanted to do this. Angry at yourself for being caught by him. You felt an indescribable rage inside of you for what he had done to you over the years. Yet everytime, he still says he loves you.

Dazai would never let you go.

No matter where you went, he’d always find a way to get you back. You’re the only thing that he has left. The only thing that he truly wants to live for.

But you didn’t want to accept that for yourself. In fact, you couldn’t care less why the stupid bastard was so obsessed with you, to the point where you got sucked into this dream. You use the free hand, and slap Dazai in the face. It catches him off-guard enough for you to run back towards the door and open it. It creaks open, only for his hand to cover your mouth again, pushing you back against the wall, and keeping you in place.

“You’re not leaving.” Dazai snarls into your ear. “Try all you want, but I’m not letting you go.”

You claw at his hand, trying to pry it off.

“Maybe I should fuck you stupid enough, so you never think of doing that again, hm?”

You gaze at him in horror this time, while his hands travel back to your shirt and unbutton it completely this time, letting it fall to the floor. You wince slightly, due to how cold it is in the alleyway. Dazai then moves to your pants and begins unzipping them, and pulling them down to your ankles.

You once again, slightly recoil in disgust of his actions, but in no position to protest or escape. Now, you’re almost naked, left to the mercy of Dazai to do what he likes with you.

Tears sting your eyes. The, what felt like, slow torture of this entire situation felt painful.

Finally, Dazai takes off his pants. He’s painfully hard, and you cringe in disgust about how your fighting, struggling, and even crying aroused him so much.

Dazai moves his hands behind your back, unhooking your bra, and then he moves to your underwear. The last barrier separating you and him. He takes it off, noticing how wet it really is, and then tossing it aside too.

“My, my, (Y/N). You were that wet from just kissing? I thought you didn’t want this at all.”

“I-I don’t.”

“But your body does. You may deny it all you want, but your body yearns for me. You’ve been leaning into my touch ever since we met. Sure, you’re disgusted in what I’m doing, but do you want to know what your body thinks?”

A pure look of anger which slowly changes into fear fills your face. Dazai leans into the crook of your neck.

“It’s nice to be held be Dazai, isn’t it? You can’t change biological desire. And I think… you know I understand that better than anyone.”

And so, Dazai turns you onto your back, and pushes his entire cock inside of you. You hiss from the sudden intrusion that felt all to familiar and foreign at the same time.

And it reminds you of how painfully well he knows you, yet how little you know him.

And you feel his hands grab onto your hips, and he begins bouncing you up and down on his length, never failing to hit that place inside of you that sent sparks of pleasure up your body.

And he wasn’t being gentle this time, too. If he had been going any faster than he already was, you were sure it would have hurt more than brought pleasure to you.

And he repeats these actions, over, and over. It’s always been that way. Yet your mind felt like it was still melting from the actions. You can’t help it. You can’t help yourself. It feels so good, and you know only Dazai can do this to you.

You almost have to bite back on moaning as he constantly hits that spot. You refused to give him that satisfaction.

Dazai seems to notice this as well. “Don’t hold back. You know I’ll get what I want in the end, anyways.”

Your breath hitches. You knew that. But you didn’t want to give Dazai the satisfaction of having all power over you. But that was all slowly becoming impossible as you came to the realization that physically, you had always wanted Dazai carnally, your mind just believed otherwise.

And as Dazai pushes you down particularly hard that time on his cock, you can’t help but loudly squeal at how good it really felt. It felt mind-numbing lay good. You enjoyed the pain, all too well.

Dazai smirks against your neck again, knowing that he had gotten you in a state where he has all the power. He leans into your neck. He bites down on the flesh, hard enough to draw blood. He licks at the blood enjoying the taste.

And at this exact moment, your hole clench around him too, signalling that you were close to your high.

Dazai groans slightly, taking in the pleasure of the feeling. But he was never kind enough to let you reach your high on the first round.

And he wasn’t going to be kind this time, either.

He bounces you on his cock at a more rapid pace, as your moans get higher and higher, until your cunt is clenching around him tight enough that he almost felt like you could snap his cock off.

And to think you didn’t like it? It made him scoff.

Dazai feels himself chasing his high too. It had been so long… since he had last done this. He felt fulfilled. He felt like he, himself, were on cloud nine, all his previous emotions relieved, instead a dark sort of pleasure replacing any previous emotions.

You’re no different yourself. Despite your anger and hatred towards him, even from one look at your eyes, he could tell you were craves this in a carnal way as well. And for miles around, only the slapping of skin, combined with wet noises, and moaning could be heard. There was no need for anymore than that.

But then it all stops. You look at him in confusion, whining slightly, as he pulls out. Dazai never let you come the first time. He would reduce you to a whining, brainless, mess before allowing you to cum. Only to let you cum so many times, that you wouldn’t even be able to walk the next day.

Yet as for himself, he would cum countless times, until your holes were filled with him, and until your body was covered in it. His cum.

You wince at the gross sticky sensation between your legs again. You feel Dazai’s cum running down your thigh, and it feels disgusting. Normally, you’d yell at him for him to pull out, but right now, your mind was too hazed with other things to care.

“You think you get to cum on the first round after acting like that?”

You don’t respond, trying to get rid of the feeling of being so empty.

“You’re really that desperate, aren’t you?”

You still don’t respond, breathing heavily. Your mind is numbed again, still trying to recover from the myriad of sensations hitting you. Your mind is still hazy with lustful desire.

Dazai sighs, “I suppose I’ll just have to make you cum over, and over, and over, until you can’t anymore.

Your eyes slowly widen again, as you stare at him. “No…. No… please anything but tha-“

“Shh… shh… it’s okay belladonna. You’ll feel so good at the end of it. Promise.”

“No please… Dazai, I didn’t mean it like that. Please, please… it’ll hurt….”

Dazai caresses your face. It’s a gentle, tender action that you want to lean into. But you know it feels more like a nurse preparing you for a needle. A very painful needle that would scar you your arm, that would make you look in shame for the rest of your life.

He kisses you, again, and you have no choice to accept what he gives you.

-

Dazai looks at you. You’ve came more times than he could actually count, to the point where you weren’t even conscious anymore. You’re covered in cum, sweat, and scratch and bruise marks. A mixture of yours and his cum drips out of your hole, and he takes the sight in with a sick sort of satisfaction.

He’ll a,ways love you. In his own sick, twisted way. Every step he takes, every breath he takes. He’ll do it all for you. You don’t belong to anyone else. You’re his, only his.

No matter how far you go, you’ll always be pulled back to him.

He picks you up, and kisses you on the forehead. You look so peaceful.. sleeping. He drapes his jacket over you, and puts his clothes back on.

“Let’s go home now, shall we Belladonna?”

He walks out of the alleyway, his footsteps echoing throughout the walls.

—-

One light flickers.

Static fills Dazai’s ears. He opens his eyes. He sits up disoriented, looking around at his surroundings.

That’s right.

He’s still in prison, he’s still detained in this room, and he forever will be. Until he tries to escape. Until there’s a way out of this, he‘ll just have to stay here, and hope for the best. At this moment, he remembers why he was here in the first place.

He turns on his on his back again. The desolate ceiling mocks him.

But his mind doesn’t want to think about that now. That dream he just had…. It felt so surreal yet real at the same time. He wonders if you were actually there, or if it was just a figment of his imagination.

There’s an obvious answer to that question, though. It’s not even worth asking.

You’re gone. Forever. He doesn’t even know where you are. You don’t know where he is either.

He thought of that dream just to relive his own desires. There’s nothing more to it. Everything is still the same. Yet, he couldn’t help but feel some delusional hope that something was different today.

But he should crush that hope before disappointment gets to him again.

Just then, there is a knock in the door. He wonders who it is. As he walks towards the door, he wonders why the prison guards are bothering him. Yet again. It wasn’t like he had done anything over the previous days.

He twists the doorknob, thinking about what he’s going to say this time. Maybe he’ll even punch them in the face.

However, as he pulls the door back, it’s not what he expected at all.

No… maybe being hopeful worked, for once. Maybe the dream was to tell him something.

It’s you.

You’re here.

And if looks could kill, he would just be about dead now.

[arrowmoose]

Aito’s Diary — Excerpt

An excerpt from an experimental writing I’m working on. Told through Aito’s POV. Any feedback would be great :)

Time is nothing to me.

I do not deny his existence by any means, for he has proven himself very real throughout my (admittedly miserable) life; I only express that Time has no hold on me. Our relationship is distorted beyond comprehension. He is disconcerted—perhaps even frustrated—of me, and I feel an exhaustive clash of pity and disdain for him.

How upsetting it must be for there to be a ripple in your immaculate, careful work that you cannot smooth. How insolent I must be, disturbing his quiet service.

Despite all this, however, our relationship remains intimate. I have appreciation for him that no other mortal does. (I say “mortal” loosely, for even I myself am not sure of what I am anymore. Whatever it is, I feel no connection to it.) He finds me fascinating; his gentle hand cannot mold me physically, but he gifts me with knowledge that I can only describe as torturously heavy. Still, I accept all that he gives without cavil. I cherish it even; the blessing of wisdom is priceless.

But it is isolating.

No longer am I able to subject myself to humankind unless I bury myself to their level. It is a feeling more shameful than humbling. A barrier resides between me and these blissful dolts, one that I would give anything to destroy.

Would I trade my precious knowledge? All that benevolent Time has bestowed upon me? Would I trade the wisdom of the world and the trust of Time for my own hedonistic and desperate desires?

I do not wish to answer.

I do not have an answer.

If I am still mortal, then forgive me both God and Time; I am ignorant of my own power, and a slave to my selfish humanity.

[cum-villain]

At The Top Of My Lungs, No Sound Comes Out

(This fic is published on ao3 under the same title, on my ao3 as "just_a_dogboi". This work is incomplete with 6 chapters, but as ao3 is currently down, I am putting the first chapter here!)

Fic summary: Shen Jiu is targeted by a malicious being, attacking him through dreams and mysteriously draining his blood, leaving cryptic messages for him. Will he be able to clear away what's assaulting him before it kills him--or worse, replaces him?

(Has a good ending for him.)

Xiao-Jiu was 14, and he was alone.

Not in the physical sense, as Qiu Jianluo beating the hell out of him certainly counted as another person being present. But if he swallowed his pride and cried for help, if he cried at all, nobody would help him, or comfort him, no one would drive his master away or heal his wounds. In the only way that really counted to a slave boy, he was alone. 

Crying would be useless, so he did not. Showing his pain, or his anger, would only result in further torment, so he kept his face clear of all emotion. He was like a peerless immortal, unmoved by earthly matters. Hah, as if a slave like him would ever be one! Despite his obvious talent, he’d only escape here dead or as a criminal. And honestly, while he wasn’t afraid of dirtying his hands to escape, these days, the first option was becoming more and more appealing. 

 After what seemed like forever, it was over. 

“Do you know what you did?”

“This humble one was wrong to speak in such a way to his master. This humble one will never do such a thing again.” Did he feel the cold vacuum of dread, of hopelessness? Was it the fiery brightness of anger in his chest? Probably both.

“Kowtow!”

With his bruised and battered body, Xiao-Jiu kneeled.

While his head was down, he heard the thud, the sickening sound that accompanied it. His hands, his hands–

~~

Ah, not again. 

It had been a few months since Shen Qingqiu had had a flareup of nightmares. Honestly, he should have expected that it would happen soon, with his non-existent luck. Still, they usually weren’t that vivid, even if he did always wake up in a cold sweat… Eh, probably the heavens compensating for his few months of peace. Even Mu Qingfang’s supposedly infallible anti-nightmare potions can’t work forever. Not that he’ll complain to the man about it, given that he was never given permission to take them in the first place.

(Of course, it’s reasonable to guess that he knows. Shen Qingqiu’s qi deviations decreased at the same time his stores started regularly depleting. His spy network tells him that Mu Qingfang starts making a new batch in time for it to be ready the day Shen Qingqiu steals it, and Mu Qingfang has been making more remarks about how Shen Qingqiu should trust his shidi with any medical problems, as he is the Peak Lord in charge of dealing with such things. Of course, Shen Qingqiu has been very politely telling him to fuck off, but that’s how it always goes.)

Shen Qingqiu is going to assume that the nightmare only happened because Yue Qingyuan annoyed him to the point he forgot to take the potion 2 hours before falling asleep, and instead only took it just before. There is a reason he has a strict rule against intrusions in his home! Well, there’s multiple, but Yue Qingyuan has to be at least three, one way or another. Sadly, being sect leader, he can ignore Shen Qingqiu’s rules. Asshole.

Well, Shen Qingqiu isn’t going to let that affect his day. There’s a peak lord meeting tomorrow, unfortunately, and he needs to start preparations the day before. Problems that An Ding Peak is too inefficient to deal with at the pace they’re worth, Bai Zhan peak causing problems, clearing his time for a mission, because Yue Qingyuan has been wasting too much of it recently, and if he does not get away soon he actually will attack his sect leader with more than words. 

After he readies himself for the day, he calls over Ming Fan, and the brat nearly pulls his own weight. Of course, Shen Qingqiu had to correct his head disciple enough times he nearly ended  up with a headache, but children were annoying in general, that was nothing new. By the end of the day, the preparations are dealt with, his assistant teachers have informed him of what he needs to know about his students’ progress so he can add the good parts to his report, and Yue Qingyuan actually didn’t manage to make it to his bamboo hut. He should employ Ning Yingying to keep their sect leader away more often, she’s unintentionally good at it. 

And, he took the potion on time this time! Fuck you, Yue Qingyuan! This master will actually have a good night’s sleep without your meddling!

~~

Xiao-Jiu was alone, but she didn’t know that.

“Xiao-Jiu, do you like my new hair ribbons?”

“They’re lovely on you, Young Mistress.”

Qiu Haitang pouted, but it was marred by her giggling. “I told you not to call me that when it’s just us! A-Luo isn’t around to nag you for it, you don’t need to be so formal!”

“Yes, Youn- …A-Tang.”

This time her giggles were completely unaffected. She was always delighted when Xiao-Jiu showed how ‘close’ they were, and Xiao-Jiu had no choice but to do as she asked. He wouldn’t dare upset his master’s meimei, after all. 

“I thought Xiao-Jiu would like them! A-Hua said I would look silly, but I knew you would be right!”

How bold of A-Hua! Xiao-Jiu wouldn’t dare say it, even though she was right; Qiu Haitang really did look like a silly, naive little girl, giggling in silly ribbons. An older heart, cracked after too much time in fire, would hate her for the fact she truly was naive. But maybe he would miss that naivety, that innocence that was burned by the same flames. 

But this younger heart, unscorched, had no such burning fury.

“Don’t listen, A-Tang is lovely in any hair ribbons.” Because she was the only person who was kind to him, she was the only one who didn’t knowingly abandon him, and he couldn’t help but feel somewhat fond of her. She was trapped too. She just didn’t know this place was a cage. 

Qiu Haitang cooed. “Xiao-Jiu is always so sweet to this A-Tang!” She walked closer, looking bashful suddenly. “Does Xiao-Jiu…”

Dread. “What does A-Tang ask?” 

Blushing. “D-Does Xiao-Jiu love this A-Tang?”

No! No, he doesn’t! Can he say no, despite how Qiu Jianluo would hate him for breaking her heart? Can he say yes, despite how Qiu Jianluo would hate him for his presumption? He doesn’t know what to say. He needs to say something. He can’t anger her, what should he say?

“Xiao-Jiu is so quiet… does that mean he loves this A-Tang too?”

Fuck! Fuck! 

Ok, he was getting kissed by her now, that’s not too bad, it’s just a light touch, it’s nothing like with her brother–

“Xiao-Jiu! You dare take liberties with Tang-er?”

No! No!

“A-Luo!”

~~

Maybe he should formally complain to Mu Qingfang. Not in person, nothing that would attach his name to anything. An anonymous letter explaining that, after regular usage, the potion would stop eliminating nightmares, and begin to induce more vivid ones. This anonymous person is in no way someone you know, do not say anything about it to Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu! Also, fuck you, fix the problem!

Or, he could fight against Qian Cao Peak’s monthly request for more funds. Fix your damn product before begging! Mu Qingfang knew he was taking them, he could probably connect the dots! Would eliminate the chance of someone recognizing his or Ning Yingying’s calligraphy. He probably shouldn’t only use her to write letters he doesn’t want people to know came from him, it’s becoming too distinctive, meaning that there’s every chance that they’ll all be traced back to him regardless. Still, he can’t think of another person here he can trust.

Or maybe he’s only looking at silly ribbons and naivety. 

The Peak Lord meeting goes as expected. Or, it has the expected outcome given things that he did not expect. Liu Qingge actually shows up for once, and his complete lack of knowledge on what was happening in his sect would be amusing if it wasn’t deeply infuriating. It’s none of your business if he’s recently acquired treatment from Qian Cao Peak that was ineffective, go fuck off into the wilderness again! What happened to respect of your superiors, huh, shidi?

Probably hoping to avoid Liu Qingge trashing his peak during a brawl with Shen Qingqiu, Yue Qingyuan defuses the argument by saying that ‘Shen-shidi does raise a reasonable concern, you shouldn’t fight him over it, please don’t destroy my hall’. He didn’t actually say anything close to that part last, but it was obvious he was thinking it. After all, Shen Qingqiu knew that his concern wasn’t actually reasonable at all, he just wanted to start shit with Mu Qingfang! Liu Qingge, if your disciples can’t be healed after your next beatdown, it’s your fault!

He begins to question if Yue Qingyuan is feeling well when he agrees to instead give the budget increase to Shen Qingqiu. He wasn’t seriously asking for it, he was just trying to come up with an excuse for not wanting Qian Cao Peak to get the budget increase! This master gets enough needless shit from you, Yue Qingyuan! You’re just making this master’s reputation worse!

Unwanted budget increase from Yue Qingyuan, and unwanted scorn from his fellow peak lords secured, Shen Qingqiu skipped his work on Qing Jing Peak and went right to going down the mountain to the Warm Red Pavillion. He deserved a good night’s sleep after that godawful meeting. Not that meetings were ever pleasant, but what had even happened there? And he didn’t take a single anti-nightmare potion, because fuck you Mu Qingfang! The women here were far more comforting than that stupid potion, anyways!

~~

Xiao-Jiu just wanted to be left alone.

He hated when Qiu Jianluo was in a mood to yell at him, to criticize him, to mock him. But it was just words, they didn’t mean anything. He said plenty of words he didn’t mean to Qiu Haitang, there was nothing to prove he was less than a thing. That was honestly one of the easiest moods to deal with, because when it was over, it was over. No pain, other than maybe ringing in his ears. He could just get on with his existence. 

His moods when he wanted to beat Xiao-Jiu were bad, too. Sometimes he’d only beat him a little bit, and the bruises weren’t too hard to hide. Sometimes he’d break a rib, or choke him, and he’d have more trouble keeping that from Qiu Haitang. After all, one of the rules is that if Qiu Jianluo’s precious meimei ever learned what he was like, Xiao-Jiu would probably be killed. Actually, Xiao-Jiu isn’t sure what would happen, but given what his life is already like, that’s all he could think would abate Qiu Jianluo’s fury. It might not even be on purpose, he might just get so angry he’d beat Xiao-Jiu to death by accident. 

But his worst moods were when he was ‘kind’ to Xiao-Jiu. 

How kind of Master to teach his poor slave how to read! How kind of Master to teach his poor slave how to write some characters! How kind of Master to love his slave, to take him into his arms and fuck the life out of him! How kind of Master to give Xiao-Jiu the worst kind of pain, the kind that can’t be explained. 

It’s one thing to say his stomach hurts, that his arms are bruised, because he crashed into something. It’s harder to explain why he can’t walk, why he’s not eating the snacks Qiu Haitang snuck for him, why his jaw broke once. 

“Xiao-Jiu~”

The voice so close to his ear, the hot breath on his neck, causing physical pain due to contrasting with the deep cold down his spine. He can never leave this.

~~

“A-Jiu, did you have a nightmare?”

Ah, it was… one of the ladies of the Warm Red Pavillion. Not… not him.

“...I hope I did not cause meimei trouble.” He recognized the voice now. A-Yan.

A-Yan comfortingly stroked his hair. “Not at all, poor A-Jiu…” 

“...Do not pity me.”

“Ah, A-Jiu, can’t you tell by now we meimei don’t pity you, we’re concerned for you?”

He doesn’t have an answer for that. He doesn’t have an answer for how he somehow had a nightmare while he was here. That didn’t happen anymore, so he thought… Damn ineffective potions! Is he going to get every nightmare he would have gotten in the last few months now?

There’s no point in wasting energy over such things, he has work to do. Drowning himself in work he could just pass onto Ming Fan, the last nightmare begins to lose its grip on him. Huh, maybe that was why Mu Qingfang was a workaholic. He must lose plenty of patients, yet when that happened he just took over more work from his disciples. Or so his spy network told him, and generally such information was reliable. 

He really didn’t feel bad about taking the budget increase. If Yue Qingyuan wanted to waste sect money, that was his decision. 

He hates how emotional he gets when he’s sleep deprived. 

Back to work he goes! He may not actually care about anyone in this shitty sect, except Ning Yingying, but it’s his shitty sect! With plenty of shitty work to do! If any of his shitty disciples bother him now, he’ll definitely make them regret it!

Miracle of miracles, he doesn’t get bothered. Possibly, Ming Fan took one look at him and decided that he had less tolerance for bullshit than usual. He’d be right in that assumption. Whatever the reason, he manages to get work done, and not even one of his guest cultivators came to him with problems. 

To another nightmare he goes!

~~

XIao-Jiu is alone when he falls asleep. Actually, he knows he isn’t Xiao-Jiu right now, but one look at his dream self tells him who he must be. 

Well, unlike in the other nightmares he’s had, he knows he’s asleep. He presumes that this is yet another nightmare regarding Qiu Manor, which really is tiring. He’s had plenty of traumatic experiences, can he switch to a different one?

The answer is Qiu Jianluo’s laughter behind him.

He turns around, then wonders how he did that. It wasn’t as though he moved in the dream, he moved because he wanted to. In other words, he wasn’t an unwilling audience for his own shitty life, this was his mind’s own imaginings. How fun.

“Xiao-Jiu, you’re finally awake.”

Which mood is this? It’s hard to tell. Is Qiu Jianluo so cruel he’s happy? So happy he’s cruel? Well, if Shen Qingqiu is in a dream, he can do what he wants. He can ‘reveal’ his cultivation talent of his youth. He should still have it, right? His stance changes from a frightened one to a fighting stance. Qiu Jianluo only laughs.

“Do you really dare to act in such a way to your master? How impudent!”

Ah. So it’s ‘so angry he’s mad’. Fuck, Shen Qingqiu hated when his master was that mood. 

Qiu Jianluo lunges at him. Shen Qingqiu moves to strike, but Qiu Jianluo effortlessly blocks it. He pins Shen Qingqiu to the ground, oh no, not that, oh thank god he only moved to pull out a knife. A knife?

“Remember, that every part of you is mine to possess.”

Fuck, his upper arm hurts. Wait, he shouldn’t hurt in a dream! Wake up now, please! 

He doesn’t wake up. 

The blood oozes out of the wound, a familiar colour. Qiu Jianluo laughs as he bleeds.

~~

How strangely unsettling. He hasn’t had a dream like that before. The few times he knows he’s dreaming, he can wake up again when he wants. He definitely never feels pain in those dreams. He still feels the phantom pain of being cut, actually.

When he’s prepared himself to face his peak of incompetent annoyances, he steps out of his bamboo hut to find a disciple he hasn’t bothered to learn the name of nearby.

“Shizun!”

“Shouldn’t you be training?”

“Begging this disciple’s forgiveness! This disciple has found vandalism written in-”

“Report such trivialities to your teachers.” It’s too early in the morning for this.

“But, Shizun, it’s written in blood!”

Written in blood? Hmm, worth taking a look.

[velvetporcelain]

housewife psychosis

he’s STILL at work. Never get used to him loving a job more than me. Jealously and resent is fitting for me but not a good look for me- it’s not that im crazy, but I will fucking ignore him. to me the silent treatment is one of the most effective forms of torture, yet it would be unintelligent and poisonous to the spirit. how can I even say the heartbreak or depression of most people is BECAUSE we were all once soulmates and we were ripped apart and thrown to earth and you don’t remember that or them so it’s the subconscious fucking search of this gaping hole you know you have and other people have BUT NO ONE KNOWS FUCKING WHY- I will tell you- it is because they ache to feel connected, feel whole, and how can we just strip ourselves of our instinctive rights??? I have everything but——- it’s like something I can’t control, I know that I have not deeply connected with my partner of many years. I kept thinking it was something i was doing wrong— I kept thinking it was something he was doing wrong— and then one day- I was like —

there’s nothing wrong. we aren’t the ones. and that simple understanding was able to allow me to move in such a way that I have gotten the opportunity to get to know myself at a tantric level- some days it is lonely- well- many days it is lonely- but that’s not coming from a place of pity— most times it is humbling and loving. I can’t figure out if this ideology of mine is blocking any potential, so i just remain myself and open and receptive to him. I am wiser.

anyways, it is a bummer that i am not his main focus, im always sympathetic to his fucking gaslighting, “no baby THIS IS for you “ —- yeah i get it but it’s not- ive just been his little chained slave woman and at this point i don’t think i will ever believe differently.

fin.

-x

[daimonclub]

Wise quotes from the Ancients

Wise quotes from the Ancients Wise quotes from the Ancients, the best quotations and aphorisms from the old great Greek, Roman and oriental philosophers and thinkers who formed our culture. Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all. Aristotle Keep silence for the most part, and speak only when you must, and then briefly. Epictetuts Self control makes the man. A man without discipline is a boy full of reactions, rather than a man of good actions. Greek Proverb I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing. Plato Smart people learn from everything and everyone; average people from their experiences; stupid people already have all the answers! Socrates Pleasure in the job, put perfection in the work. Aristotle You can beat 40 scholars with one fact, but you can beat one idiot with 40 facts. Rumi The palest ink is better than the most retentive memory. Chinese proverb You will always have those only riches that you have donated. Marco Valerio Marziale The higher we are placed, the more humbly we should walk. Marcus Tullius Cicero Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something. Plato A multitude of words is no proof of a prudent mind. Thales The high-minded man does not bear grudges, for it is not the mark of a great soul to remember injuries, but to forget them. Aristotle Think as the wise men think, but talk like the simple people do. Aristotle You should not honor men more than the truth. Plato Those who are able to see beyond the shadows and lies of their culture will never be understood, let alone believed, by the masses. Plato The truth triumphs by itself, the lie always needs accomplices. Epictetus The art of being a slave is to rule one’s master. Diogenes The only good is knowledge, and the only evil is ignorance. Herodotus

Ancient Greek philosophers The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled. Plutarch Every action has its pleasures and its price. Socrates The learning and knowledge the we have, is, at the most, but little compared with that of which we are ignorant. Plato If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place. Lao Tzu Happiness resides not oin possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul. Democritus It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours. Diogenes Poverty is the schoolmaster of character. Antiphanes Sic lusus animo debent aliquando dari, ad cogitandum melior ut redeat tibi. (Così, di tanto in tanto, devi lasciare svagare la mente, perché torni a te più pronta quando occorre pensare.) Fedro, Favole, 3, 14. Stupidity is better kept a secret than displayed. Heraclitus The greatest wealth is to be content with little. Plato The measurement of a man is what he does with power. Plato The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself. Thales The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. Your soul takes on the colour of your thoughts. Marcus Aurelius He who has peace of mind disturbs neither himself nor another. Epicurus The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile. Plato The worst pain a man can suffer: to have insight into much and power over nothing. Herodotus Mastering others requires force; Mastering the self requires strength. Lao Tzu The man enslaved to wealth can never be honest. Democritus Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge. Plato Educate the children and it won’t be necessary to punish the men. Pythagoras

Socrates wise ancient philosopher Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment. Sun Tzu A fool contributes nothing worth hearing and takes offence at everything. Aristotle The measure of a man is what he does with power. Plato The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. Socrates There is nothing in the world so much admired as a man who knows how to bear unhappiness with courage. Seneca Knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind. Plato It is not the man who has too little, but ht eman who craves more, that is poor. Seneca Avoid doing what you would blame others for doing. Thales A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials. Seneca All cruelty spring from weakness. Seneca Get busy with life’s purpose, toss aside empty hopes, get active in your own rescue. Marcus Aurelius Fishes live in the sea, as men do on land: the great ones eat up the small one. Pericles People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them. Epictetus Disturbance comes only from within, from our own perceptions. Marcus Aurelius The opinion of 10,000 men is of no value if none of them knows anything about the subject. Marcus Aurelius Never depend on the admiration of others. There is no strength in it. Personal merit cannot be derived from an external source. Epictetus An honest man is always a child. Socrates Open your mind before your mouth. Aristophanes Why should we feel anger at the world? As if the world would notice. Marcus Aurelius He who knows all the answers has not been asked all the questions. Confucius

Aristotle wise ancient quotes When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them. Confucius If you wish another to keep your secret, first keep it to yourself. Seneca the Younger He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at. Epictetus The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have. Marcus Aurelius The greatest victory is that which requires no battle. Sun Tzu Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. Epicurus Knowing yourself is The best fighterthe beginning of all wisdom. Aristotle To write well, express yourself like the common people, but think like a wise man. Aristotle As iron is eaten away by rust, so the envious are consumed by their own passion. Antisthenes Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence. Aristotle You can also commit injustice, by doing nothing. Marcus Aurelius The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength. Marcus Aurelius Better than the strength of men and horses is our wisdom. Xenophanes If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need. Marcus Tullius Cicero It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain thought without accepting it. Aristotle Wealth is the slave of a wise man. The master of a fool. Seneca The challenges you face introduce you to your strengths. Epictetus Man is the most intelligent of the animals – and the most silly. Diogenes In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons. Herodotus I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Socrates

Wise quotes and aphorisms Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu The only true wisdom is knowing that you know nothing. Socrates It doesn’t matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. Confucius Learning is like rowing upstream, not to advance is to drop back. Chinese Proverb The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled. Plutarch There is no great genius without some touch of madness. Aristotle Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something. Plato Everything has beauty, but not everyone can see. Confucius The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person who is doing it. Chinese Proverb A journey of a thousand leagues begins beneath one’s feet. Lao Tzu The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. Chinese Proverbs Man is the most intelligent of the animals – and the most silly. Diogenes Of what use is a philosopher who doesn’t hurt anybody’s feeling? Diogenes I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion. Alexander the Great Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance. Confucius Laws are like spider’s webs: If some poor weak creature comes up against them, it is caught; but a big one can break through and get away. Solon There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing. Aristotle Don’t be overheard complaining; not even to yourself. Marcus Aurelius Nothing forces us to know what we do not want to know, except pain. Aeschylus Educate the children and it won’t be necessary to punish the men. Pythagoras

Rumi wise quotes Ignorance, the root and stem of all evil. Plato Pleasures, when they go beyond a certain limit, are but punishment. Marcus Aurelius A friend to all is a friend to none. Aristotle Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know. Lao Tzu Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. Lao Tzu A fool is known by his speech, and a wise man by silence. Pythagoras The man enslaved to wealth can never be honest. Democritus The reward of suffering is experience. Aeschylus Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. Aristotle Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth. Marcus Aurelius It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish. Aeschylus Patience is the best remedy for every trouble. Plautus A wise man doesn’t say every single thing he thinks, but thinks every single thing he says. Rumi A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth. Aesop Run from what’s comfortable. Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious. I have tried prudent planning long enough. From now on I’ll be mad. Rumi It is better to be silent than to dispute with the ignorant. Pythagoras Epigrams succeed where epics fail. Persian Proverb The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world. Plato Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. Seneca A great man is hard on himself, a small man is hard on others. Lao Tzu Give instructions only to those people who seek knowledge after they have discovered their ignorance. Confucius Why should I fear death? If I am, then death is not. If Death is, then I am not. Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not? Epicurus You can kill a man but you can’t kìll an idea. Sophocles Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly. Plutarch Nothing has more strength than dire necessity. Euripides

Wise oriental quotes Lao-Tzu I have been a seeker, and still I am; but I stopped asking the books, and the stars. I started listening the teaching of my soul. Rumi Give them bread and circuses and they will never revolt. Juvenal By desiring little, a poor man makes himself rich. Democritus Knowledge, if it does not determine action, is dead to us. Plotinus The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have. Epictetus There is nothing permanent, except change. Heraclitus The intelligence consists not only in the knowledge but also in the skill to apply the knowledge into practice. Aristotle An imbalance between rich and poor is the oldest and most fatal ailment of all republics. Plutarch In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. Buddha A short saying often contains much wisdom. Sophocles No one is more hated than he who speaks the truth. Plato Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his errors. Marcus Tullio Cicero First learn the meaning of what you say and then speak. Epictetus Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. Plato To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous. Confucius Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times. Aeschylus Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. Rumi You can also commit injustice by doing nothing. Marcus Aurelius The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men. Plato Do not do to others what angers you if done to you by others. Socrates The measure of a man is what he does with power. Plato Self-sufficiency is the greatest of all wealth. Epicurus From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own. Publilius Syrus Rich people without wisdom and learning are but sheep with golden fleeces. Solon Don’t confuse power with leadership. The wise don’t need power to lead. Tao Te Ching

Confucius ancient wise quotes Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. Seneca Our life is what our thoughts make it. Marcus Aurelius One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives. Euripides Knowledge is the food of the soul. Plato Those who plot the destruction of others often perish in the attempt. Phaedrus Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. Lucius Annaeus Seneca It is not death that a man should fear, but rather he should fear never beginning to live. Marcus Aurelius Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Seneca The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius To find yourself, think for yourself. Socrates Associate with people who are likely to improve you. Seneca No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness. Aristotle One cannot step twice in the same river. Heraclitus True wisdom lies in one’s confession about the limits of one’s knowledge. Socrates Wisdom outweighs any wealth. Sophocles You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. Plato The universities do not teach all things… So a doctor must seek old wives, gypsies, sorcerers, wandering tribes, old robbers and such outlaws and take lessons from them. A doctor must be a traveller… Knowledge is experience. Paracelsus You are a little soul carrying about a corpse, as Epictetus used to say. Marcus Aurelius The art of living well and the art of dying well are one. Epicurus Be a free thinker and don’t accept everything you hear as truth. Be critical and evaluate what you believe in. Aristotle When the student is ready the teacher appears. When the student is truly ready, the teacher disappears. Lao Tzu If you allow men to use you for your own purposes, they will use you for theirs. Aesop The intelligence consists not only in the knowledge but also in the skill to apply the knowledge into practice. Aristotle Day by day, what you think and what you do is who you become. Heraclitus No man on earth is truly free, All are slaves of money or necessity. Public opinion or fear of prosecution forces each one, against his conscience, to conform. Euripides Read the full article

[v-arbellanaris]

Hi! As requested, some (very) random stuff. I am sorry you're having a bad day/week. February can go suck an egg in my humble opinion.

Meta: I was 0 days old when I found out that according to DA lore, there are no dwarven slaves in Tevinter. (because of the importance of the lyrium trade) I was refreshing my memory about Dwarven Ambasadoria and it says so on the wiki but without a source where that comes from. It seems unlikely to me, but ok.

Comic thing (Those who speak) that bothers me mighty: So, in the game, Isabela frees the slaves on the ship she is escorting. Because she agreed to do it without knowing that the cargo were living people. She lets them go. The guy is pissed mighty and that is why she agreed to steal the tome of Koslun in return for him. It's an entire plot! And in the comic... She kills the slaves. What the fuck Bioware.

Character: Varric's necklace has this running joke about Cock-ring necklace Ken. But as much as the makers of the doll didn't have a clue where that fashion came from, maybe Varric too wanted to be flashy! But ended up with a cock ring around his neck?

I was relistening DA2 banter and Varric has a dialogue with Choir boy about Bianca's cocking ring. And I kinda had a thought. What if the necklace is actually a spare part that he kept from the time Bianca made Bianca the crossbow?

Also, dunno why but everyone everywhere claims Varric is ENTP type, but when I sat down and checked it turns out he is very much an ENFP. It matters to me for some weird reason.

Also, Isabela/Varric banter is peak aromantic/asexual humor. I believe that Varric is the embodiment of (insert the no throw! dog meme) No sex! Only sexy!

In the comic (the one where they have a Fade trip) Varric in a dream sequence looks more like a human than a dwarf. (the way he is drawn) until he leaves the "vision" and looks like a dwarf again. Is this like? Intentional? Just a weird drawing thing when someone couldn't exactly figure out proportions?

The new comic (if we are speaking of comics and the way dwarfs are being drawn) has some dwarven ladies. People like the new Varric design. (good for them) I am crying over Dwarven ladies being done dirty.

Dark secret: I am low-key planning to ignore Dragon Age 4. People are hyped. I am like? Annoyed? I have my own canon, whole-ass Inquisition re-write. I don't care.

Also, I never played any dragon age game. I pirated it sure. I managed to create a few characters in a creator but never played further than the opening sequence. My laptop would burn to a crisp. It's really that shitty. I literary watched so many yt walkthroughs and read through the wiki. I often forget that is a weird and not-normal way to enjoy video games.

Another secret: I made a Cadash OC, I had them for so many years. And they are central to the plot of my entire personal Dragon Age Universe. The entire plot of Origins. Appear in DA2 events briefly. Then entire Inquisition. It's an overkill how important I made that character. But it's too late now! I wish I had enough willpower to record it somewhere (drawings, writing) just for the sake of it. Yet I am afraid of how weird it is. Funny, no?

Hope you feel a little bit better sometime soon.

I have no puns. I have a funny video in this trying time I sometimes watch to feel better: https://www.tumblr.com/titkoks/644666319075229696/obsessed-with-the-line-if-i-can-continue-to-be-a?source=share

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER!!!! february does suck!!! march is not looking that much better atm but here's to hoping....

Meta: I was 0 days old when I found out that according to DA lore, there are no dwarven slaves in Tevinter. (because of the importance of the lyrium trade) I was refreshing my memory about Dwarven Ambasadoria and it says so on the wiki but without a source where that comes from. It seems unlikely to me, but ok.

seriously?! i mean i suppose that makes sense but it also doesn't make sense considering y'know. the casteless? wait. what if they (the dwarves from other castes) wouldn't consider that enslavement of their people... that would be really fucked up but on brand for orzammar social politics huh

Comic thing (Those who speak) that bothers me mighty: So, in the game, Isabela frees the slaves on the ship she is escorting. Because she agreed to do it without knowing that the cargo were living people. She lets them go. The guy is pissed mighty and that is why she agreed to steal the tome of Koslun in return for him. It's an entire plot! And in the comic… She kills the slaves. What the fuck Bioware.

i mean, having isabela - a black woman - be a slaver in the worst place is already an extremely questionable writing decision. i also think it was a shit writing decision but the trail of logic seems to be along the lines of like: isabela gets in debt with the felicisima armada -> gets involved in slave trafficking -> gets cornered by the orlesians in the venefication sea -> slaves were killed (to allow the ship to maneuver since it's implied the ship was slow because the cargo holds were too packed) -> isabela vows never to traffic slaves again -> presumably the next time she's asked to do it anyway, she sets the slaves free? which is still not great. bioware's sliding scale of when slavery is or isnt acceptable is really... hm.

In the comic (the one where they have a Fade trip) Varric in a dream sequence looks more like a human than a dwarf. (the way he is drawn) until he leaves the "vision" and looks like a dwarf again. Is this like? Intentional? Just a weird drawing thing when someone couldn't exactly figure out proportions?

this is making me UNWELL. for so many reasons.

The new comic (if we are speaking of comics and the way dwarfs are being drawn) has some dwarven ladies. People like the new Varric design. (good for them) I am crying over Dwarven ladies being done dirty.

YEAH WHY DO THEY LOOK LIKE THAT??? what did they do to evka and harding?!?!?!

Dark secret: I am low-key planning to ignore Dragon Age 4. People are hyped. I am like? Annoyed? I have my own canon, whole-ass Inquisition re-write. I don't care.

yeah i'm checking it out for the vibes but im still digging around in origins and da2 for content so i hope that tells you where MY mind is at

Also, I never played any dragon age game. I pirated it sure. I managed to create a few characters in a creator but never played further than the opening sequence. My laptop would burn to a crisp. It's really that shitty. I literary watched so many yt walkthroughs and read through the wiki. I often forget that is a weird and not-normal way to enjoy video games.

EXCUSE ME MGDFKGJDKSGJKDFGJ this is SO funny you are the ONLY VALID person in the entire fandom and i love you

[ibtisamseriesofhope-blog]

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “When one of you calls upon Allah, let him hope for the greatest of things. Verily, nothing has any greatness over Allah.” - Sahih (See comment section for the Complete Hadith in Arabic)

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ once entered upon a young boy who was dying. He ﷺ asked him, “How are you?” The boy replied, “O Messenger of Allah, I swear by Allah that I have hope in Allah and I am scared over my sins.” The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “These two (qualities) do not gather in a slave’s heart in such a moment except that Allah gives him what he hopes for, and protects him from what he is scared of” (Tirmidhī)

🌻Hope in Allah, known as rajā’ in Arabic, is to behold the vastness of Allah’s mercy and have full confidence in His generosity.

🌻Hope is an engine which drives the heart to its Beloved.

🌻Hope motivates us: if we didn’t have hope, we wouldn’t strive hard to please Allah.

🌻Hope makes our journey to Him beautiful

Ibn al-Qayyim (raḥimahullāh) explains, “Hope (in Allah) is a necessity for the seeker, on his journey to Allah. The seeker would nearly perish if he lost hope even for a moment, for he moves between:

1) sins which he hopes will be forgiven;

2) shortcomings which he hopes will be rectified;

3) righteous deeds which he hopes will be accepted;

4) steadfastness which he hopes to attain and sustain;

5) closeness to Allah and a high rank with Him which he hopes to attain;

—and no seeker can ever afford to lose sight of these.”

How can we not have hope in Him?

When we recognize who Allah is, our hearts will be overwhelmed with hope. There is no one kinder, more loving, or more generous than Him.

Every day, Allah attends to His creation:

🌥️ He forgives sins,

🌥️ Ease difficulties and relieves distress.

🌥️ He mends the broken, enriches the poor,

🌥️ Teaches the ignorant,

🌥️ Guides them astray,

🌥️ Directs the confused and helps the desperate.

🌥️ He frees the captive, feeds the hungry,

🌥️ Clothes the naked and cures the sick.

🌥️ He accepts the repentance of the one who repents, and rewards the one who does good.

🌥️ He aids the oppressed and humbles the tyrant. He conceals faults and calms fears.

----

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah Almighty said: O son of Adam, whenever you worship Me and place your #hopes in Me, without associating any partners with Me, I will forgive whatever you have done.

[thecicadasong]

An ode to MIA

“trying to find the one, it’s me you keep finding.”

Honestly, the profundity of this line is so beautiful, let me explain why using a Buddhist framework.

To put it simply, there is an awareness free of concept, which makes it free of dualism. Expressions of this awareness or supra-mundane consciousness appear as duality, but are always this one, non-conceptual awareness in essence. Buddhism then is really like physics, and regards reference frames. From the reference frame of pure awareness, all appears as non-conceptual pure awareness; from the reference frame of mundane-consciousness, however, there appears to be a me and a you; a mine and a yours.

A me is a you; the very act of saying me is the act of saying not you. If neither you or me is, then there is no duality. Another way to think of this is to imagine a world made entirely of green. In this world, there is only green and so there is no term for anything not green; there isn’t even a term for green because there is nothing to distinguish green from. It is only when there is something not green that we need to make a word for green; it is only when there is a you that we create the idea of me. Me then means not you, and you means not me; this is the creation of duality; the descent into ignorance.

So this line kind of explores the concept of seeking for the one, but finding duality; of seeking for non-duality but finding dualistic me/you. On another level, it regards that because all is one, there’s only ‘me’ that can be found.

Finding me is not finding the one which is all there is because me is dualistic me/you, but because there is only one to find, then all we find is me; cause we are one 🙄

“You trying to find the one, but it’s me you keep finding.”

She’s basically saying, “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” - Gelatians 3:28

This line then could represent both the stupidity of searching for the one when the one is one and all, and also the complexity of desiring through lack to seek unity when such a way of seeking leads to the generation of dualistic me/you, mine/yours. Either way, the humbleness of dropping such wisdom in a song like this and having the profundity of what you’re saying go completely unrecognised is pretty dope. And as we’re one, as I admire MIA, I admire all that is and all that we are.

This may seem tenuous, but there are other line such as, “I’m the thing that suns imitate,” that incline me to believe she, or at least the person writing it if it isn’t her, are aware of the unity of creation. Mia in this moment is Krishna in the Gita saying, “I’m that unborn, undying that’s existed since before even the beginning of time.” She be having her I am god and all there is moment, and I genuinely fucking love that for her.

Or I’m just reading too much into it; in which case I’m super fucking happy for me too.

She’s also a literal lotus in the middle of a pond as the imagery for the song; which is like saying I am Buddha nature; Buddha nature is all there is. It ain’t subtle. If she was blue I’d have used an Advaitin perspective which also works lol.

[swit-purple]

Dear Allāh 💌

Forgive me for I have sinned very gravely.

Not just once. But on numerous occasions.

Some of those times I have done it willingly, while other times have been in ignorance.

I ask you to bestow upon me your mercy.

Yaa Ghaffar..........

For your mercy is greater than your wrath.

And I am a weak human being. I am your slave.

Yaa Allāh.

Increase my faith in YOU.

So that each time I do something wrong.

It brings me closer to YOU and humbles me. And drives the shaytan further away from me.

Oh Allāh.

I only want to take me when I am doing the best of deeds. So that you are pleased with me.

Yaa Allāh.

I am in fear of your wrath.

Especially since I have wronged. Please Allāh.

I beg of you to forgive me.

Forgive me & never let me stop asking for your forgiveness.

Your mercy is beautiful. Supreme. Miraculous.

Your mercy is greater than the entire universe.

Your mercy is a healer to the hearts that are lost or searching for your guidance.

Yaa Allāh.

I ask that you protect my heart from becoming bitter. Cold. And chronically disappointed.

Replace my fears & hesitation with optimism & hope that someday I will become whole again.

Yaa Allāh.

I ask YOU to my Brothers & Sisters wherever they are. Please help them become the best versions of themselves.

I ask YOU to ease any hardship they may face.

I ask to ease their Struggles. And please give them endless happiness.

Ameen Yaa Allāh Yaa Rabbal'alAmiin 🤲🏻🌕

[dfroza]

Respect

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 3rd and closing chapter of the letter of Titus:

And remind them of this: respect the rulers and the courts. Obey them. Be ready to do what is good and honorable. Don’t tear down another person with your words. Instead, keep the peace, and be considerate. Be truly humble toward everyone because there was a time when we, too, were foolish, rebellious, and deceived—we were slaves to sensual cravings and pleasures; and we spent our lives being spiteful, envious, hated by many, and hating one another. But then something happened: God our Savior and His overpowering love and kindness for humankind entered our world; He came to save us. It’s not that we earned it by doing good works or righteous deeds; He came because He is merciful. He brought us out of our old ways of living to a new beginning through the washing of regeneration; and He made us completely new through the Holy Spirit, who was poured out in abundance through Jesus the Anointed, our Savior. All of this happened so that through His grace we would be accepted into God’s covenant family and appointed to be His heirs, full of the hope that comes from knowing you have eternal life. This is a faithful statement of what we believe.

Concerning this, I want you to put it out there boldly so that those who believe in God will be constant in doing the right things, which will benefit all of us. Listen, don’t get trapped in brainless debates; avoid competition over family trees or pedigrees; stay away from fights and disagreements over the law. They are a waste of your time. If a person is causing divisions in the community, warn him once; and if necessary, warn him twice. After that, avoid him completely because by then you are sure that you are dealing with a corrupt, sinful person. He is determined to condemn himself.

I am sending either Artemas or Tychicus to you. When one of them arrives, try your best to make your way to me at Nicopolis (I plan to spend the winter there). Do what you can to get Zenas (the lawyer) and Apollos on their way; make sure they have everything they need. Our people must learn to get involved when a need arises, particularly when the need is urgent. Teach them to do what is good so they won’t become unproductive members of the community.

Everyone with me sends his greetings. Greet all our friends in the faith. May grace be with all of you. [Amen.]

The Letter of Titus, Chapter 3 (The Voice)

A note from The Voice translation:

A problem ignored is a growing problem. Paul’s advice: deal with it. Don’t ignore division. For the church to be strong and honor God, the church is to be one.

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 14th chapter of the book of Ezekiel:

Some of the elders of Israel approached me and sat down. Then the word of the Eternal came to me with a message for them.

Eternal One: Son of man, these men are devoted to breathless idols and have pursued things that cause them to stumble into sin. Why should I even bother to listen to their prayers? Therefore tell them the Eternal Lord says to you, “Any Israelite who devotes himself to breathless idols and pursues things that will cause him to stumble into sin and still has the audacity to consult a prophet will be answered by Me, personally, in light of his pagan devotions. I am going to recapture the hearts of Israel, all of whom have deserted Me for their idols.”

Therefore, tell the people of Israel the Eternal Lord commands you to repent! Turn away from your breathless idols, and relinquish all of your shocking ways! When any Israelite—or any foreigner living in Israel—severs his relationship with Me, devotes himself to his idols, pursues anything that may cause him to stumble into sin, and then has the audacity to consult a prophet to ask questions of Me, I will answer the inquirer personally. I will turn against him and make an example of him. I will cut him off from the midst of the people. Then you will know I am the Eternal.

Also, if a prophet is deceived into offering a message, it is I, the Eternal One, who has deceived him. I will raise My hand against him and cut him off from My people, Israel, until all memory of him is erased. The prophet and the one who inquires of him will be equally guilty and equally punished, so that the people of Israel will not lose their focus on Me or filthy themselves with any more of their rebellious evil. After this, they will be My people, and I will be their God.

So said the Eternal Lord.

The word of the Eternal came to me with a new message.

Eternal One: Son of man, suppose the people of a particular country wander away from Me in pursuit of sin and I raise My hand against them destroying their food source, sending famine, and killing off the people and animals who live there; even if these three legendary men—Noah, Daniel, and Job—were all living in that country, they could save only themselves by their righteousness. Suppose I send wild beasts into that land and they kill the people, and the place becomes so desolate and dangerous because of the animals that no one dares to travel through the land. As surely as I, the Eternal Lord, live, even if these three men were living there, they could not save their own sons and daughters. Only those three righteous men would be saved, and the land would become a wilderness. Suppose I bring war against that land and say to let the sword invade and pass through the land; as surely as I, the Eternal Lord, live, even if these three men were living there, they could not save their own sons and daughters. Only those three righteous men would be saved. Suppose I send a disease to spread across that land, flooding it with My anger in blood, infecting and killing people and animals alike; as surely as I, the Eternal Lord, live, even if Noah, Daniel, and Job were living there, they could not save their own sons or daughters. Only those three men would be saved because of their righteousness.

For this is what the Eternal Lord has to say:

Eternal One: It will be far worse when I send out My four tragic judgments upon Jerusalem—war, starvation, wild beasts, and disease—to kill the people and animals! Still, a few survivors will remain—sons and daughters—who will join you in exile. They will come to you, and once you see how they behave and what they do, you will be comforted regarding the awful disaster I have poured out upon Jerusalem. For you will understand that every single judgment and catastrophe I have set against Jerusalem has been necessary.

The Book of Ezekiel, Chapter 14 (The Voice)

A note from The Voice translation:

At first glance, the naming of these three men—Noah, Daniel, and Job—seems odd. Noah and Job are, of course, central characters in the Scripture; and these heroes lived long before Ezekiel was called to be God’s prophet. But the Daniel most people know as the biblical prophet will achieve his fame long after Ezekiel dies. The Daniel mentioned here is not the biblical prophet but another Daniel (also known as Danel) whose story is found in an ancient Ugaritic text called the Epic of Aqhat. Like Noah and Job, Danel is an ancient non-Israelite who lives to an old age and becomes famous for his wisdom. Like Noah, he is surrounded by wicked people; like Job, he loses a son.

Perhaps God references these non-Israelite heroes—as opposed to the people’s Israelite ancestors—because Ezekiel’s audience is living outside of Israel. They would be able to identify with the foreign cultures in these accounts because they are surrounded by the strange customs and the novel stories of Babylon. These three men show an unusual level of devotion to God when the culture around them appears to be moving contrary to His way, so they are more appropriate examples than any Israelite ancestor—such as David, Solomon, or Josiah—who had all the benefits and blessings of God’s covenants.

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for friday, november 10 of 2023 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons about how we choose to “see”:

The Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) told the story of two young portrait artists who both sought to capture the essence of beauty in their paintings. One artist looked high and low for the "perfect face of beauty" but never found it. Tragically, he later gave up painting and lived in despair. The other artist, however, simply painted every face he saw and found beauty in each one. Now here's your question: Which of the two was the sincere artist?

The heart looks through the eye.... A good eye (i.e., ayin tovah: עַיִן טוֹבָה) - sometimes called a “beautiful eye” (עין יפה) - refuses to think evil about others (it "does not impute the bad" - οὐ λογίζεται τὸ κακόν - in 1 Cor. 13:5), but it rejoices in the truth – even if such truth is found only in the hope of a future good (1 Cor. 13:7). The good eye is the instrument of a giving heart that looks upon the needs and pains of others with genuine compassion.

An "evil eye" (i.e., ayin hara: עַיִן רָעָה), on the other hand, is cynical, jaded, envious, and unsympathetic to other people and their struggles... The Torah admonishes: “Take care lest there be an unworthy thought in your heart ... and your eye look grudgingly on your poor brother, and you give him nothing, and he cry to the LORD against you, and you be guilty of sin (Deut. 15:9). The Hebrew verb translated “take heed” is an imperative urging us to be careful about how we think, since our thoughts affect our hearts, and our hearts affect our choices and actions. Suspicious or cynical thoughts are a symptom a hard heart, that is, a “difficult” heart that has trouble feeling sympathy for others.

Using a good eye takes from the treasure within the heart and gives it out freely to others: “The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil” (Matt. 12:35). There never is a risk that love may be given away without warrant from heaven.

A person with a "good eye" looks at things from the perspective of love. Ayin tovah looks at circumstances -- and especially at other people -- and finds something beautiful and worthy of respect.... “Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully” (2 Cor. 9:6). As we give, so we are given...

"The light of the body is the eye: if therefore your eye is focused, your whole body shall be full of light, but if your eye is evil, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!" (Matt. 6:22-23). Yeshua says here that if your eye is "focused," that is, whole and free of distraction (the Greek word ἁπλοῦς means “without folds” or complication), you will be filled with light, a metaphor for inner illumination. Everything will be clear as you discover what is most valuable in life. As King David said: "One thing have I desired of the LORD, that I will seek: to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD (לַחֲזוֹת בְּנֹעַם־יְהוָה) and to serve in His presence'' (Psalm 27:4).

On the other hand, if your eye is "bad" or evil (πονηρὸς), you will be filled with darkness, a metaphor for blindness of heart. Envy, greed, and fear will blind your heart to what is most important and valuable. You will be filled with inner conflict (δίψυχος) and lose sight of the very reason for your being. "Is your eye evil because I am good?" asks the Lord. Are you filled with envy, malice, and desire for worldly prosperity? Again, the heart looks through the eye. What are you believing to see? Do you see ugliness before mercy? It is from within, out of a person's heart, that evil thoughts come (Mark 7:21-23).

We are always asking, seeking, and finding... Our inner thoughts, our drives and hidden desires, and our secret wishes are "prayers" we constantly are praying. Regard it a spiritual principle, then: "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you: For every one that asks receives; and he that seeks finds; and to the one that knocks it shall be opened" (Matt. 7:7-8).

How we see is a spiritual decision and there are spiritual laws regarding its consequence: "Whoever seeks for the good will find blessing, but evil will come to the one who looks for it" (Prov. 11:27). The one who seeks good is called shocher tov (שׁחֵר טוֹב), "a seeker of good." The shocher tov uses a “good eye” to see worth and potential in others. The one who searches out evil, on the other hand, is called doresh ra'ah (), "a searcher of evil." The doresh ra'ah has an evil eye that is stingy, critical and faultfinding. The proverb may therefore be stated this way: When you seek the good of others, you will find God's blessing (ratzon), but when you search for evil in others, it becomes your own. As the Baal Shem Tov once said, "When we see faults in others, we must understand that they only reflect the evil within ourselves." Likewise King David said, וּתְפִלָּתִי עַל־חֵיקִי תָשׁוּב, "my prayer shall turn back upon my breast" (Psalm 35:13). Some prayers are conscious words spoken to God, whereas others are expressions of heart attitudes. The proverb teaches that when we harbor indifference, ill will, or resentment toward others, we hurt ourselves; when we are kind to others and desire their blessing, on the other hand, we will find God's favor and blessing. טוֹב־עַיִן הוּא יְברָךְ - “The one with the good eye will be blessed” (Prov. 22:9; Matt. 6:22).

[ Hebrew for Christians ]

========

Proverbs 11:27 Hebrew reading:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/prov11-27-jjp.mp3

Hebrew page pdf:

https://hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/Blessing_Cards/prov11-27-lesson.pdf

11.8.23 • Facebook

from yesterday’s email by Israel 365:

Hannah taught us all that while God may place us in difficult situations, He does not want us to passively accept our fate. Passivity is not the true path of a believer. Yes, we must trust in God – but we must also do everything in our power to bring good to the world. We must pray, with all our heart and soul. And we must act, with vigor and strength. This is Hannah’s legacy.

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

November 10, 2023

Filled and Fulfilled

“For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding.” (Colossians 1:9)

In this prayer, Paul sought for the Colossian Christians the full knowledge of the will of God. For the Christians at Rome, he prayed they might be filled “with all joy and peace in believing” (Romans 15:13). For the Ephesians, he prayed they “might be filled with all the fulness of God” (Ephesians 3:19), and then urged them to “be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18). He wrote to the Philippians, “And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment;...Being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God” (Philippians 1:9-11). For the Colossians, he also prayed for their “full [same as ‘filled with’] assurance of understanding” (Colossians 2:2).

Together, all these prayer requests constitute an ideal description of a complete Christian—an ideal for which we should all strive and pray—both for ourselves and for others. Summarizing again, the list is as follows.

“[Filled] with all joy and peace in believing.”

“Filled with the fruits of righteousness.”

“Filled with the knowledge of his will.”

“Filled with the Spirit.”

“Filled with all the fulness of God.”

“[Filled with] assurance of understanding.”

It is also worth noting that the Greek word for “filled” is the same as for “fulfilled.” When a Christian is “filled” with all these wonderful realities, he becomes a “fulfillment,” as it were, of God’s purpose in creating and redeeming him. His ultimate goal, of course, is to measure up to “the fulness of Christ” Himself (Ephesians 4:13). HMM

[the-institute-promos]

➤ OPEN CHARACTER: VIVIANA, 25, STATUS UTP, HUMAN

FULL NAME: Viviana Catherine Hawkins NICKNAME(S): V, Vivi, Cat PRONOUNS: She/her BIRTHDAY: August 7 AGE: 25 STATUS: Mistress or slave MAJOR: Criminal law SPECIES: Human SPECIAL POWERS: None SEXUALITY: Up to player I AM A: Up to player I WANT A: Up to player TURN-ONS: Up to player TURN-OFFS: Up to player

➤ BIOGRAPHY

Vivi had been a fan of the sea for as long as she could remember. Her family home was a three-story Victorian style beach house passed down through her family for at least three generations and, from what she’d been told about her family’s past before the United States - at least, her paternal side - they’d lived on the waterside for even longer still, from their humble beginnings as the owners of a seaside pub. She was no swimmer, but all the same, she loved the water. Often she would just sit at the shore, watching the waves ebb away and crash against the sandy shores of her home. Where others would light up or throw back an elbow, she would sit and watch the waves or even, at some special moments, she would lay on the water’s surface and float. Allowing herself to relax that way, she could always find peace within herself. When she asked her parents about her love for the deep blue, her father - in the times he was home - would get this wistful look on his face and recount one of the many stories that his father told him about a young upstart named James and his love for adventure, a love of adventure that translated to a healthy enjoyment for the sea and the desire to, eventually, defend it. He also cited it as one of the reasons that he and his father before him, and truthfully, every generation since, had taken up the call of naval service. Though her emotional love was for the sea, her career love did not lie in the water. She did, however, stick close to her family’s desire for helping others by bringing justice. But where her paternal line was known for naval officers, she decided to go a different route - criminal law. Her home was not horrible, by any means, but she didn’t just fear for the state of her own neighborhood, but that of those around her, and even those further than she’d ever been in her everyday life. V had always been someone growing up who saw a need and did her best to alleviate that need, whether it was amongst her friends, those she got into relationships with, and even strangers, even if it put her out of her way. Where she went wrong, from time to time, was her ruthlessness when it came to meeting her goals, even in such an altruistic behavior. As far as she was concerned, the ends often justified the means. Perhaps this was due to some of the things she witnessed watching crime dramas, or even some of the war stories that her father and grandfather told her of their service. Or maybe it was that one professor she’d met at a conference for school - Belladonna Vale - who she’d kept up an email correspondence with the moment she heard her speak. Maybe it was an amalgamation of these things, and maybe it was something else. Not even V really knew where her ruthlessness came from, but she used it to her advantage, climbing her way to the top so that she could help everyone she could in life. She never feared that this could come back to haunt her and so she kept that state of mind all the way through school. When it came time to apply for law school, she’d applied to the usual places - Harvard Law, Columbia Law, Georgetown - and even a couple of schools in the UK - Cambridge and Kings - but there was one school that had been on her periphery, that had some claims that she couldn’t ignore. She’d occasionally seen diplomas for this school in offices she’d interned under, and even a couple of her professors in undergraduate courses had a diploma from this place. But the only name she’d ever seen for it was The Institute for Advanced Learning. She contacted Professor Vale to ask her if she’d heard of the school, and imagine her surprise when she learned that she now taught permanently at the school. The law professor had been quite open with her about the benefits of attending such a school as The Institute, and with nothing to lose, she decided to apply.

➤ PERSONALITY

✚ Adventurous, motherly, ambitious ▬ Flighty, manipulative, neurotic

➤ ESTABLISHED CONNECTIONS

None

➤ FACE CLAIM & OOC INFO

Viviana’s faceclaim is Up To Player. // Could Viviana be right for you?

Bio written by Jon.

Can someone finally go toe-to-toe with the fearsome Headmaster Malvolio? And can The Institute survive the struggle? Only time will tell.

The Institute - Plot - Rules - Ask - Apply

The Institute is a supernatural master/slave roleplay established in 2015, set at a prestigious university on a tropical island--a prestigious university with some dark secrets. With our eight year anniversary approaching, we have some very exciting events planned. Want to be a part of it? Join today!

CURRENT BANS: NONE

[alzaeemadel]

Lord! With Thee are lodged all complaints. You are present in all gatherings, and are the witness of all secrets, and the ultimate goal of all supplications, the expeller of all sorrows, the affluence of every needy person, the stronghold for every refugee, security for everyone who is terror-stricken, a shield for the weak a treasure for the indigent, the destroyer of griefs, the helper of the virtuous. Such is Allah, our Lord. There is no god but He. You satisfieth such of Thy slaves as trust unto Thee. You are the protector of him who is firmly attached to Thee and humiliates himself before Thee, a shield for him who seeks refuge with Thee, the help of him who looks up to Thee for help, the forgiver of sins for him who begs Thy pardon, the complier of the tyrant, the most grand of the grand, the most great of the great, the master of masters, the Lord of lords, the Succour of the grieved, the Helper of those crying for help, the Responder to the call of the distressed, the best of all listeners, the best of all observers, the best of all judges, the quickest of all reckoners, the most merciful of all the merciful the best of all forgivers, the satisfier of the needs of the faithful, and the hearer of the appeals of the virtuous. You are Allah, there is no god but Thee. You are the Cherisher and Sustainer of all the worlds You are the Creator and I am a creature. You are the Master and I am a servant, You are the Lord and I am a slave. You are the Provider while I am provided with sustenance, You are the Giver while I am a beggar, You are the Generous while I am a miser. You are the Mighty while I am weak, You are the Noble while I am humble. You are the independent while I am needy. You are the Master while I am slave. You are the Forgive of sins while I am sinful. You are the Omniscient while I am ignorant. You are the forbearing while I am hasty. You are the All-Merciful and I have been treated with mercy. You are the Provider of safety but I am involved in suffering. You are the Responder and I am the distressed. And I bear witness that verily You are Allah, there is no god but thee thou bestoweth favours upon Thy slaves even without their asking. And I bear witness that verily You are Allah, the One, the Peerless, the Unique, the independent, the Single, and verily to Thee we must return. May the blessings of Allah be upon Muhammad and his family the holy and pure. O Lord, forgive my sins and keep my faults concealed and extend to me Thy special mercy and bounteous sustenance O the All-merciful! All praise is due to Allah the Cherisher and sustainer of all the worlds And for us Allah is the Sufficiency and the excellent Protector. There is neither might nor power but with Allah the Great, the Exalted.

[cosmicangel888]

A divine feminine's life is not to the booty toy of anyone

A divine feminine;s life is not to be 2nd, less than, unimportant and devalued to any other -

The one that is precious and honouring, silent and humble - is that which is the ones always shown, always celebrated go to for advice and need - Divine feminine are divine and sacred, precious and we have nothing to prove nor will we heard and not abused by those that think they are smarter and more powerful -

Settle the unhealed DM egos, and what you were shown, told, of what a man is, and heal thyself - the woundings of conformity, misguided dogma, are ridiculous to think that there are still those today - choose to not heal, not go within and balance their ego, chakra's and treat women, women of grace and sacredness and importance of the heavens like we are dirt and used us like we are slaves; and when we do speak up, say no, ask for a divorce, we are put under even more grave subtle stalking, blocking, and abuse.

We do not live normal and simple lives; those that treated as such; have to work 100 times harder and the very ones that steal and take could not live 1 day in our panties for the energy and demands, demons, and energies sent to us for simply existing -

Earthly conduits, empaths, and healers, authorities of the messages of the Heavens - and the discernment and the logical and the intuitive in perfect balance - most and many see the power of such and yet for eons, the Divine feminine have been utterly and completely ignored -

https://www.amazon.ca/Dance-Creation-Multi-Dimensional-Revelations-Universal/dp/1539678350/ref=sr_1_5?qid=1679668051&refinements=p_27%3AJoanna+L.+Ross&s=books&sr=1-5&text=Joanna+L.+Ross

Abuse is abuse; be it constant and relentless spell work, stalking, and stealing - those that sit behind closed doors and throw spells and deceit, and yet never meet their equal on stage to show what real truth is - my codes, my energy and my life, my light, my work with God, Source is -= ) my path and I know who I am - I know energy and thus taken, spelled, and corrupted ones; are directly seeing the work they need to do - I know who I am - you will never take what I know and who I am -  ©

I know how to transmute energy, I know alchemy - ascension is not fluffy one liners - it is doing the inner work and connecting with and being as the god within =- ancient teachings, ancient temples of the mastery - all realms and all dimensions - this is the offering - it goes beyond beyond 3D religion and any being of physical form - energy is energy - all have choice and direction of their intention and nothing and none will be missed - to face and be what is your making - and so the light of the lord.

And so be it

Joanna

#ascension

#joanna

#God

#source

#healingdivinefeminine

I will never ever return to anyone of the past, and have said, offered such in 100 different ways, legally and otherwise - and such would be the clue and cue to stop and move on - the past is closed, over - done. move on and heal. leave me be.

[vaedar]

Quick sketch because it’s sinday, so of course, Vaedar is sinning with his star @ashccra 👀❤️