#i am feral over a pixel man

[anneeeboleyn]

i want this man in ways that's concerning to feminism.

[bumpkinspice0]

Parallels Chapter 8: Not a Monster

Miguel O'Hara x Spider!FemReader

No use of y/n

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 5824

Summary: Miguel is lost in the multiverse and you're the only one that can possibly find him... but how? And what does it mean for your relationship?

Warnings: canon-typical violence, Slight Dubcon (Miguel is full feral but his advances aren't unwanted), ANGST, man pain, some self loathing, it's time to grow up and talk about our feelings... just a little. A/N: Electro is a silly, silly name and I couldn't take it seriously. You have my full permission to laugh at the fight scene.

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AO3

_______________

Chapter 8

Not a Monster

The Tower was practically empty this time of night. Your quick footsteps echo through the massive, vacant building, it was haunting.

You pull at your nanotech suit as you run down the long corridor. You’re still not used to the futuristic material. You had to rush out of your apartment, Lyla claiming there was no time to waste. You left a hastily scribbled note for Gwen and headed to the roof.

 A new wave of panic rushes over you as you enter the dark hallway of Miguel’s lab. It felt wrong being here without him. Lyla hovered with you the entire time. 

Miguel was missing. What did that even mean?

How the hell can you go missing when your energy signature is constantly tracked throughout all of time and space.

Lyla informed you of the situation as you ran. Miguel had gone after an Electro anomaly yesterday afternoon. He’d tracked it for hours through whatever universe it’d fallen into. It could teleport, making him extremely illusive. The last time they had a clear signal on his location he was engaged in combat then… nothing. He’d disappeared off the map for at least 10 seconds, then— he was everywhere. His signal was scattered to thousands of dimensions, each one indecipherable from being the real one. Lyla couldn’t reach him anymore. If she scanned them all at once she would crash completely, taking hours to reboot. She could only go through a few dozen at a time and her efforts were proving to be fruitless. Valuable time was wasted while she scanned through the multiverse at a snail's pace, so she called you in to help. You still had no idea why she called you of all people.

If Lyla, the all-knowing omnipotent AI, couldn’t find him, how the hell could you?

You walk to the center of Miguel’s laboratory, expecting to see dozens of spiders working tirelessly in front of computers to find him. Instead, you’re met with more silence.

“Lyla, where is everyone?” you ask, completely dumbfounded.

“What do you mean?” She glitches in front of you.

“Miguel’s missing. Don’t we have a team, like… working on this?”

“Not protocol,” she shakes her head, “At least, not for something like this anyway. We don’t want to cause panic. If we can solve this quietly, we will. In such a massive malfunction case like this, the lead duty falls to the architect.”

You furrow your brow, “Who the fuck is the architect?”

“That would be me,” A voice from overhead echoes across the cavernous room. Miguel’s desk platform begins to lower down. On top of it stands a man you’d never seen before. He was tall, tan-skinned, with messy dark hair and a lean build. He wore a set of goggles atop his head and loose-fitting clothes with an obnoxious striped scarf to top it off. You’ll never get 2099 fashion. No, you’d never met him before, but you recognized someone else in his features. That strong jaw, kind eyes, and pouty lips. This was undoubtedly Miguel’s brother, “Gabriel O’Hara. Gabe.” 

You jump up to the platform and shake his hand, offering your name as well. “Why am I here, Gabe?”

He lazily raises his eyebrows at you as if annoyed by the question, “You can track Miguel through the multiverse.”

You have to catch yourself from falling on your ass. “Excuse me?” 

“I told you to ease her into it!” Lyla blips in front of Gabe, several pixels flaring around her in anger. 

“We don’t have time to ease into it. We barely have time for a crash course ,” Gabe waves her off and walks to a computer. With the click of a button, a massive projection takes over the room. Intricate weaving webs of red connecting together. Within the webs, hundreds of white dots are scattered. “One of these…” Gabe points to a white dot, “...is Miguel. The real Miguel. The rest are false readings. I don’t know what that thing did to his watch and we have no way of knowing which one is the real one. It’s like his signature was cloned and thrown around. Lyla said we wanna try do this quietly before we jump to rally the calvary, so that’s why you're here. Your connection with him can make you do that. You can track him.”

Your heart instantly sinks. He was talking a mile a minute to the point you barely understood him, but that last sentence rings in your head like a gong. He knew.

“I told him,” Lyla explains as she materializes in front of you. You wonder briefly if she can read minds, but your dread must have been painted all over your face. “It’s our last chance and I couldn’t just keep important information like this. He’s the only one that knows my system, he would have found out eventually. You could be our only hope if—.”

“I– I don’t understand—” You finally stammer out.

“Look, I don’t know how your bond thing works either but Lyla seems to think it’s the best chance we have. So, whatever you did to get him to...” Gabe’s rambling comes to a slow halt. He must have finally understood what you’re confused, blank stare was about. He sighs into his hand, “He didn’t tell you, did he?”

“Tell me what?!” You blurt.

“That’s why we should have eased her into it!’ Lyla palms her non-existent face.

“Fucking Migs. Tengo que hacer todo por aquí ,” Gabe mumbles as he turns back the control console. “Here. You might as well hear it from the horse's mouth.”  A screen illuminates in front of you, Miguel in the center frame. It’s a recording, a timestamp and a date marked across the bottom. You recognize the date— That day after the Goblin Queen attack.

“New developments with the spider-sense connection,” He starts, his voice clinical and monotone. “While the sense was previously thought to be only triggered by close contact of various ranges, this is no longer the case. A response seemed to also be triggered by distress from the opposite party. I felt her while she was in her home dimension. This connection appears to be able to… transcend the multiverse itself.” He takes a moment to breathe into his hands. You share the sentiment. Your spider-sense can travel time and space? There’s just no way. You feel your legs buckle, catching yourself on the nearest chair. Miguel looks back up at the camera, “I went to her dimension last night. I just felt a… pull there. When we fought it was—”

Gabe stops the recording and you feel like you take your first breath since you got here.

The way you’d been feeling since this afternoon… you chalked it up to being too emotional over catching the Fisk’s and having nostalgia because of your great partner. Idiot, you should be able to recognize a spider-sense by now. Then again, if Miguel wasn’t there, what reason would you have to think it was?

A spider-sense that could stretch the multiverse? It didn’t sound possible. 

“He’s not in the original dimension he started in, we know that much. We don’t know what was damaged,” Gabe continues, “I know we’re asking a lot but you might be our only option here.”

This was just too much. He says it all like it’s so goddamn easy. It must be an O’Hara trait, you think. 

This was something that was so far beyond just you. The leader of Spider Society, the man with the answers to the multiverse’s fate rests in your hands. You want to scream. You want to fall apart and crawl into the closest dark corner and never come out— But you don’t have that luxury right now.

You’re Spider-Woman. You’d done more reckless things on less information dozens of times. Not necessarily a bragging point, but it helped you feel better at the moment. Miguel was out there somewhere. Amongst these thousands of scrambled dots, one was the real him— struggling and alone. You could feel him fighting.

Save Miguel first, yell at him for putting you in this position later.

Lyla materializes in front of you, a gentle expression on her face, “You can do this.”

So… How do you fucking do this? Your spider-sense was never something you actively thought about. It just happened, usually at the most inconvenient times. Maybe that was just it. You were thinking too much— You had to just let it happen. It’s as good a starting point as any. 

You swivel to the center of the multiverse projection and take a deep breath, closing your eyes. 

Gabe speaks, “What’s she—”

“Shut up!” Lyla instantly silences him in a hushed tone.

Several deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. You feel the tension in your limbs melt away as the buzzing in your head becomes clearer— it was your guiding light. You’re not sure how to follow it, but if this thing was truly a part of you then it should come naturally… right? Your gut stirs, knowing somewhere out there your spider double needs you. Know that it may only be you that could save him. How poetic, you think.

You squeeze your eyes tighter, recalling those first feelings of the spider-sense. You’d never felt it before yet you knew exactly what it was. On top of that, you knew exactly what caused it. A completely alien sensation to your body yet you knew exactly what it wanted— You just knew. You weren’t naive about it anymore, you weren’t scared of it. You wanted to know its full potential. It was showing you tonight.

It starts like a faint pulse in your ears. A beacon. You open your eyes, taking in the thousands of twinkling white lights amongst the web of the multiverse. One of them is Miguel… the real Miguel. One calls to you.

You stand, walking amongst the projection. You step to the left, the pulsing fades— Colder. You continue to your right, following the rhythmic pull. You picture Miguel, everything about him. His face, his scent, the deep baritone voice— The pulse grows faster. 

You recall the way he squeezes your hips when he makes love to you. His touch was always rough but somehow still caring and loving. Ironic how that encapsulates him as a person. A sheep in wolf’s clothing. 

You come to a stop, one of the single blips seemingly shining brighter than the rest. Your sense jumps as you reach out for it. This had to be it. You tap the small projection, several screens expand with various information about the mystery universe. 

Earth 774-b. A decimated world ravaged by wars long past. Almost no human population. What remained there was rubble, slowly being grown over with moss. 

“This it?” Gabe steps to your side, looking over the schematics. 

“It’s… what I felt.” You answer. 

“Well, we wouldn’t wanna ignore a gut feeling,” He grumbles, jumping off the platform. He motions for you to follow— you do. Several small robots crawl to his aid, carrying various pieces of equipment. He comes to a work desk, rummaging several things out of the drawers, “Your watch, please.” He demands more than asks.

You extend your wrist and he immediately begins tinkering with the interdimensional device. He welds on a small bolt to the side, “This should protect it from any direct electromagnetic attacks. Wouldn’t want a repeat and have 2 missing spider’s on our hands.” He turns to one of the robots, grabbing a backpack it dutifully brought him. He reaches inside, grabbing a second watch, “This is for Miguel when you find him. I suspect his current watch is fried,” He drops it back in and pulls out another device. You recognize it as one of the force field traps, “This is for Electro when you find him. It’s specially made for someone of his abilities. You have 3 of them. Contain him first if you find him.” He hands you the backpack, “There are medical supplies and food and water rations. You have 3 hours before we send in backup. Stay in contact.”

And with that, he hands you the pack and walks back to the monitors. You feel like a kid thrown into the deep end of the pool. You don’t have time to think, you barely have time to breathe. After all your years of superheroing, you think you’d be more used to being treated like a soldier. In a lot of ways, you were still just a kid that got bit by a spider. 

You put in the coordinates to Universe 774-b. Lyla appears at your shoulder as the portal bursts to life in front of you. 

“If anyone can do this, it’s you.” She assures you. She probably recognized the fear in your eyes. “I’ll be with you the whole time.”

You nod, your mask materializing over your face. You were Spider-Woman. This was just another Tuesday night for you—no big deal. You can do this. 

______________

This universe had a distinctive scent you’d never smelled before. Like oil poured over fresh-cut grass. An entire planet that humans hadn’t touched for decades, but their crumbling cities and rusting machines still sat idle. Nature had already overtaken most of what remained in this dystopian New York— You hated it. It could very well be a bleak image of your home city. The thought makes you shutter and you push it to the back of your mind. 

It was mid-afternoon. You’d been in the apocalyptic world for nearly an hour now, Lyla leading you to the largest energy signature in the vicinity— Smack dab in the middle of what used to be Time Square. With no technology on the planet, it wasn’t hard to find. Your spider-sense has been a quiet hum the entire time here, surprisingly. You thought it would jump and sing as soon as you entered this dimension but so far it remained tame. 

It was starting to feel like a complete gamble on Miguel even being here.

What if your intuition was completely wrong? In the rush, you hadn’t even considered this could be all for nothing. A multiverse spider-sense tracker? Ridiculous. Miguel could have been wrong before. You could have just convinced yourself there was something special about this universe, surrounded by people begging you for an answer. 

This could all be for nothing and Miguel could still be lost… or worse. 

You push the intrusive thoughts down, not wanting to needlessly distract yourself from the task at hand. You had 2 more hours here and you were going to use them regardless. You were closing in on the energy signature. 

You hear it before you see it. Distant electric crackling followed by crumbling bricks. Hope overtakes your growing anxieties. You swing up to the surrounding rooftops and peer down into the crumbling historic square. There in the open center of the towering buildings stood Electro, alone and fuming.

“ Come out! Come out!” He screamed, blasting an electric charge into the withering billboard for Phantom of the Opera. By the looks of the surrounding freshly charred buildings, he’d been at it for a while. “ Come out and fight like a man! ”  

He was talking to Miguel. Taunting him… but where was he? Hiding or injured, most likely. You’ll find out soon enough. Even amidst the several revelations, relief washes over you. Miguel was here— somewhere.

You hadn’t seen an Electro like this before. Whereas most wore a green and yellow suit with an obnoxious lightning-decorated cowl, this man didn’t seem to even be completely human anymore. He still wore a skin-tight suit, but it was black. His skin glowed a translucent blue. You could see the energy flowing through him. It surged through his entire being, like blood through veins. He didn’t just have power over electricity— He was electricity. This was a being of pure energy. 

That would have been nice to know ahead of time. 

He abruptly halts his rampage, cocking his head to the side. Before you can react, a bolt shoots directly at you. It hits the bricks at your feet, sending you tumbling into the square. You catch yourself mid-fall and swing to the opposite end of the street. So much for the element of surprise. 

You find a perch on a crumbling billboard a few stories above the square. Electro faces you, searing in anger.

“ You’re not him! ” His electronic voice crackles, “ Where is he?! ”

“Look, dude, I was hoping you could tell me.” The attempted joke is immediately met with another rage-fueled blast of energy. You’re able to dodge this time, swinging down another level. You expect another attack but instead, you see the villain fall to his knees, wheezing and shaking. He was exhausted, who knows how long he’d been at this stupid charade. 

A realization hits you. He feeds off energy. It sustains him as well as his powers. There wasn’t anything for him to feed off of in this dead world. He was weaker— Significantly weaker. If there was a time to capture him, it was now. Gabe told you to contain him first before you hunted for Miguel.

You quickly grab one of the traps out of your bag. Not giving him a single second to regain himself, you pounce. You can end this now and find Miguel. Easy as pie. 

But of course, it’s never that easy, is it?

You’re almost on him when he vanishes, and you stumble to the now empty ground— Teleportation. Right. He reappears behind you in an instant. He doesn’t hesitate to blast you again at point-blank range.

An electric field engulfs you, surging searing hot pain through every fiber of your being. You drop the trap amidst the chaos. You twist and scream in the field, unable to control your body’s movements. It takes hold of you as you're lifted from the ground by nothing but pure energy. 

“ Your suit’s like his,” Electro laughs, “ Makes for a great conductor. Now let’s see that watch. ”

He knew about the multiverse watches too— Great. 

You could feel the nanotech waving in and out of existence amongst the static. You desperately reach for the trap, trying to shoot a web or just bring it to your hand by sheer willpower. No such luck.

Even amongst the blinding pain, you felt something. The very thing you’d been praying for since you got here— A buzzing in the back of your head.

It happens in a flash. A rusted car is thrown towards you both, missing you by inches but dispersing Electro’s being into thin air. You drop to your hands and knees, taking in the biggest breath of your life. The remaining energy twitches through you as you stand back on your shaky feet. Your nanotech suit tames down back to its original design. 

You look in the direction the car was thrown from— and there he is. Crouched on all fours with a mask drawn over his face. 

“Miguel!” You shout, immediately running towards him.

“S-stay back!” He growls, a deep raspiness to his voice. You screech to a halt instantly. He didn’t sound normal. 

“ Spider-Man! ” Electro materializes back above the square, arms outstretched. He couldn’t have much juice left. He was putting all he had left into this fight. “ And a Spider-Woman, my lucky day. I’ll kill you both and rip those dimensional travel devices off your cold dead bodies. ”

Miguel pounces immediately, swinging up to the floating menace. So much for making a plan. If Miguel had been stuck in this hellscape for nearly a day, you’re sure he was frustrated. He was lashing out without thinking— and it could be the perfect distraction. 

They dance around each other in midair. Miguel effortlessly dodging lightning bolts and Electro weaving between webs. Their efforts were fueled by rage and exhaustion. You take the opportunity to scale the buildings rather than join in the fight. 

Webs and brute force meant nothing if he could disappear at will. You had to be smarter than that.  He just had to get close and you’d have him. Proximity was all you needed.

You perch yourself 10 stories up, at least half a block from the fight. You pull out your second trap. With how fast they were moving, they’d swing by you any second. As if on queue, you see Miguel’s head snap in your direction. His gaze shoots through you like a spear. You hold up the electric trap and wave your arm in a beckoning motion, you think he gets the message. He swings the fight around, moving directly for you. 

Keeping Electro’s focus on him, they swing in front of you. You have a split second to react. Electro’s back to you, you jump. He’s only a dozen or so feet away from you and at a lower angle. You have the advantage. 

You arm the device mid-air as you lunge closer. Once directly above him, you release it. The trap locks on to its target and begins webbing glowing red beams around Electro. It entangles him, trapping him inside an impenetrable force field. Trapped, he plummets back to the ground. You swing down to follow, flanked closely by Miguel.

He tumbles to a jarring stop inside the makeshift prison cell.

“ What is— ” He stands, touching the glowing red walls. He’s immediately zapped away from the containment field. Enraged, he attempts to blast through it, only to have the electricity immediately returned and ricochet around the containment cell. He continues to rampage despite the repeated results.

“Lyla,” You say into your watch, setting the coordinates for Spider Tower, “Take him in.”

“Aye, aye,” The AI replies, a portal forming directly beneath the red cage. Electro drops out of reality in an instant.

 You turn to Miguel, only to find him several yards away with his back turned to you. His posture isn’t normal, he’s hunched over and twitchy. You can hear him dragging in ragged, growling breaths. He was tired. He’d just been through a traumatic event for all you know. 

“Lyla,” You say into your watch again. “Tell Gabe I’ve found Miguel, but just… give us a minute.”

“Don’t be too long,” She responds. Even though she’s artificial, you think you can hear a sense of relief in her voice. The crisis was averted. Miguel was safe— you think. 

“Mig?” You step towards him, cautiously reaching out.

“I said,” His head flinches to the side, sleek mask dissipating. “ Stay away! ” He slashes at you, baring his teeth and claws. His fangs, you’d never seen them before. His eyes were completely taken over by crimson red. His features were contorted and angry. He crouches down, resting his weight on his hands. He was trembling— Holding something back. 

His power dampeners— oh, you absolute idiot. 

Amongst the chaos, you’d all somehow completely forgotten the thing Miguel desperately needed to stay cognitive. The very thing that keeps a side of him at bay. He hadn’t dosed himself in nearly a full day, and the animal was taking hold. He was agitated. Volatile. Your spider-sense rings through you like a warning— or, something else?

This was not the same Miguel you knew. 

A glitch shakes through his being. His watch was damaged, unable to regulate his unstable atoms in the alien world. He comes out of the glitch raging, clawing at the surrounding rubble. Anything and everything was his target. He throws more cars, he slashes street lamps in half. So, this is what happens when he doesn’t take his dampeners?

“Miguel!” You scream over the chaos. He halts his rampage, staring you down. Those eyes were absolute daggers. You speak calmly “I have a watch for you. Let’s get you home and get you taken care of. It’s over. It’s gonna be okay.”

“Taken care of,” He repeats. His animalistic voice sends chills down your spine. He stalks toward you, you don’t move. Even hunched over, his height still dwarfs you. 

You take out the backup watch and drop your bag to the side. The spider-sense hummed in anticipation. You’re not sure if it’s telling you to run or stand your ground. Regardless, you reach for his arm. Just get the watch on him, and you can go. 

He grabs your wrist so quickly you don’t even register the movement. He pulls you against him. You feel yourself shrink in his grasp, and your spider-sense sings. He brings your wrist up to his face, trailing his nose down your arm with a deep inhale. He stops at your neck— you feel his fangs graze the soft flesh there. It sends a wave of heat straight to your core.

Why weren’t you scared right now?

“ Mi añarita. Me encontraste,” He growls against you, sending all your hair on end, “ ¿Has venido a cuidar de mí?”

He brings you down to your shaking knees, crawling on top of you. His massive limbs cage you in. You could easily scurry out of it— away from him, but you don’t want to. You could feel it building as you had dozens of times before. He could take you right here and you’d revel in it. 

It takes every fiber of your being to push down your building urges. Not here. Not now— He could be hurt and starving for all you know. You had a mission. Get Miguel home, despite what your selfish desires wanted. 

His guard is lowered, distracted by his primal impulse. You were completely on your back while he hovered over you. You take the opportunity to hit the home button on his backup watch, opening a portal directly behind your head. You raise your feet to Miguel’s stomach, kicking him over you into the portal before he can fight back. He needed his meds. You had to get him back now, like it or not.

“Lyla!” You scream into your watch, jumping through the portal as well, “Tell Gabe to get his dampeners ready! He’s on edge and we’re coming in hot.”

You fly through the dimensional wormhole, trailing only feet behind Miguel. He thrashed and spun as he was shot through the fabric of time and space itself. You take advantage of the rolling zero gravity environment and start to web him up, subduing his violent movements. The more he struggled, the worse it got. Simple webs couldn’t hold him for long but they’ll have to do for now. You had to get him back and everything could be taken care of. 

You both fly out of the portal, tumbling over each other on the lab floor. Miguel roars as he struggles against the webbing, several strands snapping in the process. He stands, whipping himself around violently, his arms are nearly free. 

A small neon green dot flashes across your vision. A dart filled with his dampener serum sinks into his neck. He collapses to the ground instantly. You turn to see Gabe holding a tranquilizer gun. 

“Three times the dose with a little bit of sedative,” He places the gun on a nearby table, “Sorry about that, his… condition completely slipped my mind.”

“Yeah, mine too,” You groan, picking yourself up off the floor. You look at Miguel laying there, subdued and face still contorted in anger. You have the urge to wail over the sight. You did this to him. You want to reach out to him, take care of him. He’s in pain and you—

You immediately head for the door, feeling your spider-sense threatening to make your emotions boil over. 

“He’ll be up in a few minutes!” Gabe shouts after you.

“Just need some fresh air,” You call back, picking up your pace. 

___________

You sit on the walkway outside of his room for nearly an hour. You dangle your feet over the cavernous edge, looking down at the vast multi-hundred-story tower. There wasn’t a single spider inside now. Gabe had left about 20 minutes ago, wishing you a good night and thanking you for your help. You tell him the same and that was that. Miguel’s brother, the architect of spider-kind… You wonder what his background role was the rest of the time. You wonder if you’ll ever see him again. 

You don’t know why you haven't gone home yet. You wanted to but… something was keeping you here. You wanted to make sure Miguel was okay, but you couldn’t bring yourself to go in to see him either. You wanted to… but you wanted to give him time. Hell, you needed to give yourself time too.

You felt another urge from the spider-sense tonight. The need to protect. To soothe and subdue. To save your— You were getting too close to him. Too close to all of this, and it scared you.

 You wonder if Miguel remembers. If he has any semblance of control when the spider side takes over. He seemed to, if only just barely. 

“Hey,” A familiar calming voice pulls you from your thoughts. Miguel stands behind you— The Miguel you knew. The man with kind eyes and rigid posture. The sight of him instantly puts you at ease. “You didn’t come inside.”

“I wanted to but… It felt… It was a lot.”

“Yeah…” He sighs, taking a seat next to you— the understanding is completely mutual, you know that by now. “You saved my life today. I won’t forget it.”

“Don’t mention it,” You look down at your feet like they’re the most interesting thing in the world. 

“I mean it. Thank you," he insists. You give him a faint nod and a smile. You want to ask him about it, about the animal inside him. About the spider-sense and why he didn’t tell you about its full capabilities sooner. About his brother, “I’m sorry.” He says instead.

“About what specifically?” you ask, coming off more irritated than you’d like to. 

“How about everything?” His words cut through you like a knife. You felt his guilt behind them, “Sorry you had to come here, sorry about Gabe, sorry you had to clean up my mess, sorry you… had to see me like that.”

You could hear the regret in his voice. Miguel O’Hara sincerely apologizing, you should get a camera. 

“What happened to start all this?” you ask. 

“It was a routine mission,” he starts, “He showed up in a populated area in a separate dimension. I thought it would be a quick grab. I underestimated him… drastically. You saw him, he could disperse his form at will. He could connect to any technology— Any machine. He got into my watch… to Lyla. I had to cut my connection.” 

Untold horrors could happen if a desperate villain got a hold of Lyla— a hold of the power of the multiverse. It was a scary thought. 

Miguel continues, “He fried my watch’s power by the time we landed. Thought I caught some luck when we landed somewhere he couldn’t recharge.”

“Your signal was copied over a thousand realities,” You inform him. 

“He scattered it looking for a way out, sending us both flying through the multiverse. When I cut off my connection, he was booted out of the system.” He clarified, “Didn’t want him to know where the home base was, anyway. Turned out to be a good thing, I think. Didn’t really consider myself at the time. I just had to keep him out. I would have figured something out eventually. I just had to outlast him.”

“Made a lot of work for me,” You grumble, jokingly. You bring your legs to your chest, resting your chin on your knees. “Why didn’t you tell me�� That we could do this? Sense across the universe.”

He takes in a heavy breath, running his hand through his fluffy hair, “I thought it was a complete fluke. I thought I felt something and it turned out you were in a fight. Or maybe even a coincidence. Or if it was something, at least it only pertained to me. I’m… different from you. I had a shaky hypothesis. I should have tested it more. I’m sorry.”

Two apologies? You really should get that camera. 

“Did you feel me too, tonight? Across the universe?” you ask.

“Not until you were there. My mind wasn’t— I wasn’t—” He looks away, ashamed. You stomp down the urge to reach out and hold him. You don’t want to overstep a boundary. Did you even have those kinds of boundaries with him anymore? “If you ever have to see me like that again, you have my full permission to stop me… By any means necessary.”

“Miguel, it’s—”

“By any means necessary,” he repeats, tension dotting his words.

You could feel his self-loathing in his words. His hatred for this part of him. He was disgusted with himself. What he had done— what you both had almost done. You wanted him so badly in that moment back in the dystopian world, your spider-senses battling each other for it. You felt a little disgusted with yourself too. 

The only other person in the multiverse that could understand was sitting right next to you, and you feel like you couldn’t tell him anything.

You wanted to be his friend. You wanted this man to know he could talk to you completely judgment-free— and you knew you had to be the first one to take the step. You couldn’t keep each other at arm's length while still sharing these deeply intimate and personal things together. 

You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too. There had to be a compromise. You had to tell him you cared about his wellbeing— if only a little. You needed to. 

“I know you don’t feel like you can always rely on people, Miguel,” You begin, feeling his gaze drill into you, “I know you think you have to hold it all together yourself. That’s just part of being a spider… being a hero. But if that were true you wouldn’t have built this place. Even with all the help in the known universe you still think you’re the only one you can count on. Think about that.”

You stand, taking a few steps down the walkway. You take a deep breath before continuing “You’re not just a man but not a monster either, Mig. And you’re not alone. Remember that next time you treat yourself like you're expendable.” A portal to your dimension opens. You pause before stepping through, “I would do everything I did tonight again. I’m glad you’re okay, but don’t scare us like that again. Lyla was worried sick at the thought of never seeing you again.”

And so was I. 

His somber expression is the last thing you see before stepping into the multiverse. 

__________

Translations: Tengo que hacer todo por aquí.- I have to do everything around here. Mi añarita. Me encontraste. ¿Has venido a cuidar de mí? -My little spider. You found me. Have you come to take care of me?

And as always, let me know if I'm making a complete fool of myself, Spanish speakers! I appreciate anyone who comes in to help out with it!

__________

Taglist:

@ineedgarlicbread @pinkiemme @thesilenthill @bontensbabygirl @fallenangelsongwolf

[triflesandparsnips]

I'm not seeing enough deep-dive nonsense about the new Good Omens season 2 poster drop on my dash, and by god that means I must be the one to deliver it.

For those who haven't seen it yet, behold:

...there's a lot in here to go a wee bit feral over, if one was so inclined, and lord knows I love an inclination.

The Obvious Stuff

1. There Was Only One Bed Chair

This is the bulk of the commentary I've seen, and tbh, it's pretty great. "I am bored/busy and ignoring you but also what is personal space, never heard of her, we will not be taking questions at this time."

Notably, however, this is the second time we've seen them back to back-- the majority of the poster art we saw for the first season had them side by side. In both cases they're in a position to face some third thing together-- the difference, perhaps, is that side by side might imply equality of situation, while back to back implies implicit trust that the other won't stab you there.

2. The bookshop

Aw, look at them. Look at it. What a glorious little mess. This is them in London. Arizaphale looks pleased with the situation; Crowley looks bored af but he's also squished up on that one dang chair, so there's a "cat sitting next to you because parallel play and mirroring are the Best Interactions" feel to it.

3. Tea and wine

Arizaphale's got a teacup, Crowley's got a wine glass, this is very Them and indicative of their Vibes. Tbh, I think this is just a nice bit of design work, but it's worth calling out.

4. The outside street

The shop across the way is using a Gothic and reads "GIVE ME" before being cut off. No clue what it means, but it probably means something.

5. The tagline

The previous tagline we got was "Something's going down in the Up" (with that grey feather falling between their black and white wings)-- this tagline reads "Everyday it's a-getting closer."

Easiest interpretation is, oho, we're getting closer to the second season, and gosh there will be some Plot in it. And sure, yes, it works for that too, huzzah. But leaving aside the "it" and what that may mean-- "a-getting" is a fascinating word choice. It evokes similar constructions like, say, the somewhat obscure "Sumer is icumen in" (a song about the changing of the seasons and also encouraging a cuckoo to go lay some eggs in other birds nests if u no wat im sayin eyyyyy)-- and the significantly less obscure protest song "The Times They Are A-Changin'", whose ending stanza is:

The line it is drawn

The curse it is cast

The slow one now

Will later be fast

As the present now

Will later be past

The order is rapidly fadin'

And the first one now

Will later be last

For the times they are a-changin'

Gosh.

Now the Real Fun Starts

This poster is a composite image (as so many ads are), composed of different bits and pieces to form a whole impression -- based on fun stuff like relative pixelation and whatnot, you can often tell what portions of an image were there to start with, and what were specifically added in after the fact. How packed this poster is in tiny details -- which is exactly where I would hide fun hints to things -- is generally a cue for me to take a closer look, and I have been, I think, rewarded.

1. The books with legible titles

Zoom in on Aziraphale's book-- he's reading Charles Dickens's A Tale of Two Cities. The "two cities" in play are Paris and London, and the book is set before and during the French Revolution.

It's the story of a man who had been previously imprisoned in the Bastille for 18 years, and then was released to go live with his daughter -- who he has never met, what with the whole "imprisoned" thing -- in London.

The opening paragraph is:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

The pile of books in the foreground have two visible titles: the topmost one is Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice (a "novel of manners" that's considered a heavy-hitting romantic classic, and also yes the leads are both prideful and prejudiced and it takes an entire book for them to clear that up) and Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island (a young adult coming-of-age adventure story about a kid who finds himself on an adventure with a bunch of pirates to discover buried treasure).

Of note: A Tale of Two Cities, Pride and Prejudice, and Treasure Island also all have note tabs sticking out of them, and are the only books that have them. This is reminiscent of how Arizaphale studied and referenced Agnes Nutter's prophecies.

Some of the books beneath the window technically have titles, but they appear to be about as pixelated as the rest of that section, and so I suspect they're just part of the scenery.

Similarly, most of the books on the background shelves are like that as well, except:

Joseph Heller's Catch-22 (A satirical novel set in World War II; Wikipedia briefly explains that "the novel examines the absurdity of war and military life through the experiences of Yossarian and his cohorts, who attempt to maintain their sanity while fulfilling their service requirements so that they may return home." The book also coined the phrase "catch-22," which is a situation someone can't escape because of paradoxical rules-- in the case of the book, you can't ask to be evaluated for insanity so that you can be exempt from flying dangerous missions, because "anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.")

Iain Banks's The Crow Road (and a first edition, perhaps? I haven't read it, but apparently it's a Scottish family drama about a perfect murder against the backdrop of the 1990s Gulf War. Its opening line is "It was the day my grandmother exploded." The phrase "the crow road" is a euphemism, in the book, for death.)

Joseph Conrad's Lord Jim (Sparknotes says it's "the story of a man named Marlow's struggle to tell and to understand the life story of a man named Jim" -- a young man who goes to sea, makes a terrible and cowardly decision while following his leaders, and then spends the rest of his life haunted by it.)

There's at least one extra, partially obscured title:

It appears to read "THE BODY ------ and ------", which makes me wonder if it's an anthology of murder mystery short stories.

Leaving aside the uncertain book, commonalities between many of these books include:

soldiers, war, and the horrors/absurdities thereof

doubles and parallels

death and murder

a young/inexperienced protagonist thrown in with more experienced/weirder folk

fragmented and out of order narratives, sometimes having to be pieced together from multiple viewpoints

...pirates

2. The strange but noticeable inserts

There are several images that have been inserted into the poster that -- unlike the teacup and wine glass mentioned above -- don't seem to make a lot of contextual sense and are therefore, perhaps, extra information. These include:

a. the three lizard boys

b. the broken smartphone

c. the matchbox with the quote on the side

d. the camera

e. this statuette that seems suspicious

f. this record and scroll that seem out of place

g. the clockface with the missing hand (which may be just for the Aesthetic, but whatever, I'm including it)

What do they mean? No clue. I suspect it will become apparent as we get trailers and/or the actual show.

In Conclusion

Uh.

Look. Design teams can do all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons. All of this could mean absolutely nothing.

But.

Using my magical powers of bullshit deduction, I might look at all this, and that grey feather falling from the earlier poster, and say... well... the war's still ongoing, yeah? So maybe... maybe there needs to be a new angel keeping an eye on things on Earth. Or an eye specifically on Aziraphale and Crowley.

And that would look SUSPICIOUS, right? So this is an angel who's maybe... a little bit Fallen. For the sake of the Mission. Like, they've agreed to sin just a lil bit, just enough to justify being thrown out of Heaven, and they're not actively in Hell because they're, oh, just stopping off, or maybe just going really slowly, or maybe they were sent back up from Hell because they were still "too good" and all that Pureness of Spirit was stinking up the place--

Whatever. Point is, they're on Earth, they're very confused, it sure would be nice if these very Established metaphysical elders could give them a few hints about how to get on. We'd then get to enjoy a Guide to Living a Totally Normal Human Life given by these two disaster dorks, plus whatever nonsense is derived from, idk, various extraneous plot shenanigans, probably involving a Murder and maybe a MacGuffin Maltese Falcon.

And most importantly: this new angel? Wow no they couldn't possibly be a spy because again WOW, what kind of angel would deliberately Fall? Wouldn't that require doing the wrong thing to do a right thing? ...okay maybe, but can it really be wrong if it was done by command? ...well, wait, it surely must be wrong because otherwise the mechanism wouldn't have worked-- but then, wait, which thing was the wrong thing--

And Aziraphale and Crowley would watch this bouncing volley of cognitive dissonance with great interest, also possibly while holding hands.

[disfordevineaux]

What's kind of phone I think each Carmen Sandiego character has:

Carmen: That limited edition red iPhone that came out a few years ago. Because it is red, along with a red case with a red pop socket on the back that keeps.falling.off. It's also mysteriously in perfect condition?

Player: A Google Pixel because he doesn't want to conform to the status quo of phone brands and claims he made it 'hack proof'. He sticks by it and claims it's better than any iPhone or Samsung on the market, but it's really not. And he knows that, we all know that. And no phone case because he literally can't find one for it because no one has a Google Pixel. So why make phone cases for a phone no one has?

Shadowsan: They got him an iPhone 12 Pro, big enough for him to use and see the screen because he has to view it from a distance as, and I quote 'The phone lights make his eyes blurry.' It also had one of those wallet cases mums have on their phones. He left it behind when he went on his sabbatical and got a Nokia brick and an international sim plan just for calls.

Zack: The most disgusting, feral, warped, sticky, crusty and shattered iPhone 6 in white you have ever witnessed in history yet it works completely fine despite the glass you find lodged in your finger when you use it and the centre button that is just an empty hole to the motherboard. REFUSES to get a new one because he doesn't want to lose the headphone jack and claims that apple removing it in the first place was cash grab and he will have no part in it. And honestly dam right zack I am with you there my man stay strong King xx

Ivy: She has a custom made franken-phone that is made up of various parts from all brands across the board. Alot of the parts donated from Devineaux's pile of fallen soldiers that met their doom between the 18-24 months he was actively chasing Carmen/VILE before VILE fell. Literally a beast and has a military grade case that she also crafted which she had tested. It is literally military grade, she has a certificate and everything.

Julia: Currently, a Lavender Samsung Ultra 23 256gb storage. She got it mostly for the cool pen it comes with, and because it's lavender. She updates her phone model every 2 years and sells the latter for almost the same price she bought it for because she keeps it in pristine condition. She's only ever cracked a phone once and it shook Julia to her core. It looked horrific in her opinion, the hair line crack so bad it made her gag when she brushed her finger over it. So now she always has a nice, strong silicone pastel purple case and screen protector over her phone which she cleans regularly.

Chase: He went through 6-7 phones during the 18-24 months while chasing Carmen/VILE before VILE fell. Before then and now after, he had whatever the latest phone was the year he got it regardless of the brand, about every 2-4 years or until it kicked the bucket. During that 18-24 months, he'd walk into a phone store, ask for the latest thing, and be on his way. Most of them died in his care before he even had the chance to take the back plastic off. Now, he's in far fewer situations that indanger his life or phone. Or if he is, takes the moment to hand his phone and wallet to whoever is nearby for safe keeping because he really likes the new one Julia picked out for him (which is just the same model as hers but black). Julia also being the one who made him get a case. He had no idea that phones came with their own clothing options.

Chief: Only uses holograms. But has a landline??????????????

Zari: She once owned a black Samsung A20 with a yellowing clear case back in 2015 before she was declared missing at sea? That's all the information I can get on it my sources tried their best sorry.

Brunt: Doesn't need it because she can project her voice across vast distances. Get her a rolled TV guide and she can blast your message from one side of America to the other 🇺🇸 yeehaw and also because she's scared those 5g mega hd3g Max phone microwave rays will melt her brain if she gets one of those flat things and slaps it to her face like an genz zombie.

Bellum: Has 17 Ipads all with different cases on them.

Cleo: She has other people do that phone thing for her so she isn't sure what kind of phone she has and I don't know either.

Maelstrom: A telepathic link chip he had installed into his brain to connect to cell towers. It doesn't really work... Or do anything... But it's in there so.... Yeah?

Dash: A Samsung flip BECAUSE ITS JUST AS PRETENTIOUS AS HE IS and so he can snap it shut to prove a point. He's been through like 10 of them because he snaps them closed too slay-ily damaging it. No case because I have no idea how you'd even get a case for it?? Like it folds? I don't know.

Paper Star: Lives off grid.

Sheena: A white iPhone 11 with a gold trim case that has a huge crack down the front. The back glass is completely shattered, but it doesn't stop her from endlessly scrolling through those insta reels about reviewing different tanning lotion brands.

Crackle: An oily iPhone with the most humongous case you've ever seen. You could drop it and it would bounce around like a ping pong ball. The grease that covers the lens gives his selfies an air brushed vibe to them that he just loves.

Mimebomb: An invisible 1970s orange rotary phone.

Neal: That mystic purple conch shell with the pull string from that one spongebob episode that answered questions or something. You know what I'm talking about don't make me pull up a picture.

Topo and Chev: They share one phone so covered in stickers you can't even tell what kind it is but its probably an iPhone. It's filled with couples selfies and can only work when permanently charging so it's always connected to a power bank that is also covered in stickers. Ugh.

[st-armand]

Pixel Play

( Reposted from @armands-sanctum ) Author’s Note: Request from @blueberry-soda57​ <3 Shout out to all my raccoons in the club, after finishing this I WILL be playing Maplestory, I kinda rushed it but everything i write can get multiple parts so :P

Content Warnings: Pre-established relationship, suggestive, being a basement dweller. Not proofread (yet ill get to it in the morning)

Word Count: 1.3K

Masterlist

Hobie doesn’t like the word ‘Loser’ he feels that insults like that are always based in ableism, and as an autistic person (He’s sensory seeking) very wary of words rooted in ableist histories.

That being said he CHORTLES when you call yourself a ‘Loser Gamer’, he definitely sees why.

Early on in your relationship before he disclosed his identity as Spider-Man, he would text you before and after patrols, like at 4 AM

“Luv you awake?”

“Wanna crash a’ your flat for a bit?”

A beat in time, a few moments, and then a response would be received on his end, sat on the roof of a random building, leaning lazily on the fire escape, mask dripping sweat down his neck.

“K”

“Doors unlocked, busy rn”

Busy..? 

When he’s seen you during the day he has to PHYSICALLY force you to attend events; shows, galleries, demonstrations and protests, and you fight him off like a feral cat being trapped for a spay and neuter.

Your preferred way to spend your day, is sleeping, to the point where you would jump up at 4 PM, haven’t eaten anything or taken your meds. Hobie would watch the hours of the day pass by waiting for you to wake up, like Beth and Mary of Nazareth waiting for the resurrection of Lazarus.

He would take the initiative to get up (Usually 12-1 he’s a late riser too, but he pales in comparison to you) before you, feed your pets and make a quick breakfast or lunch, setting them aside for when you would arise later.

You always wake up in a daze, going in and out of sleep for an hour before fully getting up, and even then you made no plans to go outside and do anything, preferring the isolated 4 walls of your space, a sanctuary in the frenzied world of Earth-138.

In the hours you sleep he admires (snoops around) your space, gingerly looking at the figurines that grace your desks and shelves, animated characters in alternative outfits, and meticulously designed platforms, or looking over your multitudes of gaming consoles.

You don’t let him use them without explicit permission, you definitely don’t want Hobie to mess with your save data, he’s a genius but he never got the chance to be acquainted with gaming in his formative years because he was too busy surviving homelessness.

Hobie’s favorite aspect of your home is your computer setup, Hobie is a genius but he’s always blown away by the determination and time you put into modifying your setup.

Hard drives, Processors, Logic Board strewn about, cables interwoven between each other sloppily, making the small space even smaller and cramped, bed planted right next to your set up so you can wake and be connected onto the Wired as easy it is to breathe. (think the computer setup Lain had towards the end of the anime)

“Ya enjoyin’ yourself in your ‘obbit hole?”

“All connected yeah?”

When he does stagger his way to your place, you’re wide awake, furiously inputting on your keyboard or controller, cursing and hissing into your headset.

Brows furrowed in concentration as you quickly input combos, blocks, grabs.

Maybe you join parties with people on MMOs, your on call with them screaming and sniggering at the actions of the pixels that represent you and your friends, trying to complete obstacles, puzzles, and defeat bosses.

The sounds of your fingers clicking and pressing reverberate the walls from the sheer force, legs lifted up into your lap, in the most uncomfortable posture possible as you ignore the aches in your muscles to get one last game in, one last match, or a few hundred more mobs.

Hobie sits down softly on the bed beside you, watching you intently as you completely disregard his presence (he learns soon that this isn’t on purpose, you're just concentrated on your daily quests and bosses)

When you finally notice there’s something in the space with you, your take a slight glance behind you and scream, eyes not adjusted to the dark room from the searing LEDs of your multiple monitors, your eyes can’t register its Hobie.

“Oy pretty ‘s me, don’t go yellin’ like that someone’s gunna think youre dead”

“Oh fuck Hobie, I thought you were a ghost or something…”

At this point he’s fucking exhausted, and he really wants to snuggle, so he whines like a child trying to get you off the game, or gets an attitude at you when you say, 

“Please Hobie, baby, one more game and I’ll be off” 

cue the sun coming up as your still playing and Hobie knocked out drooling into one of your pillows, wicks splayed out and bent around because he couldn’t be bothered to put on a headscarf or a bonnet. 

(its giving those videos where gfs/wives unplug consoles so their partner pays attention to tasks around the house, except Hobie doesn’t know which chord does what and he doesn’t want to break anything considering it means so much to you.)

Currently in your relationship, Hobie (who can be quite creepy) after patrol likes to take off his heavy docs on your fire-escape, he will watch you game from outside the window, waiting for the perfect opportunity to… SLAM on your window, sending you flying 5 inches into the air, and cowering into your bed, abandoning your game and dying in the process.

After you’ve calmed down, he’ll slink into the room laughing hysterically,

“Shoulda seen your face luv, scared shitless!”

“Hobie the next time you make me die in a game; I’m letting you bleed out on my fire escape.”

You also act as his ‘person in the chair’, keeping track of coordinates, or structural plans to buildings in the city, digging through archives as he brings webbed justice done onto the heads of villains and criminals of all sorts, frantically hacking into CCTV cameras to keep track of his fights and warn him of sneak attacks or other assailants entering the quarrel. Desk littered with snacks, crumbs, and empty soda cans like “Valley Mist”.

Hobie sometimes gets shit from acquaintances at bars or venues who tease him about your appearance.

“Hobie, my bro, they’re just so plain, they just don’t have the look”

Comments like this piss Hobie off so much, some people don’t have the energy to perform beauty, some people just don’t want to and they shouldn’t have to, no matter which category you fall in or between.

Plus regardless he thinks you look adorable, hair strewn about from waking up at 3 PM, a treasure trove of comfortable sweats, adidas track sets, slides and comfy slippers.

But when you do perform beauty, a strike of pleasure ripples down his spine, you can’t blame him, he does forget how good you look sometimes.

“All dolled up, what’s the occasion, yeah?”

“Lookin’ bare leng today”

On days he’s feeling especially needy, he wraps his arms around your torso while playing, pinching and groping at your chest, trying to annoy you enough to the point where you stop playing and give him some kind of attention.

When you don’t he’ll resort to sucking deep purple bruises into your neck and shoulders that has you whimpering and crying softly at the pain, you immediately mute yourself in the game call.

If not that, he’ll stand next to you,

“Lemme ‘ave at it luv, wanna see whats goin’ on in this thing.”

(I play MMOs, Maplestory specifically so this is geared towards that)

You don’t let Hobie play on your characters where your key bindings are specified by class or fighting type, you let him choose his class and make a fresh character, he’ll start playing, frustrated at the boring leveling in the beginning.

He quits cause it’s so time consuming, but you end up grinding his levels a tad after every time he plays so he has new quests and areas to explore.

Regardless he loves his partner no matter what eccentricities they have, he takes every part of the package and values every piece of the puzzle.

[mrsbsmooth]

Alex is bringing out the worst in me. The way I am DOWN BAD, WEAK IN THE KNEES, SLIDING DOWN THE WALL, MEOWING AND PURRING FOR THIS MAN IS CRAZY. I want to make him sandwiches all day every day and suck him off while he does work. I WOULD WILLINGLY BE A HOUSE WIFE FOR HIM IDC SBEJSJKDK

Genuinely concerned over how feral this pixel man has got me🧍🏻‍♀️

No but fr I’m seeing A LOT of people going rabid over this man and I’m genuinely wondering if I should replay and give him a shot 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[socially-awkward-skeleton]

Price's muttonchops are too irresistible <3

They are!! I am feral for him and his 1800s facial hair so of course I passed that on to my oc lmao

please... this pixel man... I am insane over him

[captnjacksparrow]

I always get so confused when people are so mad and they will just go up to your face and say "xxx isn't gay" like why are so obsessed over a fictional characters sexuality or even a irl persons I just don't get it and on why people get so mad it

Like especially for a fictional characters sexuality it's just so confusing for me??

Like they are literally pixels

You are mad over two fic men(mlm), women(wlw) kissing, have sex? But fine with mlw? I don't get on why one is fine other two is wrong? Just let them have they're fun . Why does they're has anything to do with you? I don't get why people get all so defensive over it?

It's utterly ridiculous for me, I guess it could be also because of my

"Asian Mentality" or my mentality of let people whatever the fck they want as long as it doesn't evolve me/ as long as I don't involve anyone on did.

I genuinely don't get on why people get mad when others HC

"Naruto/Any MC as Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/+"

Like I can only get it if they literally just all go on saying they just gay and ignore their actual problems. Other then that I don't get on Why are you so affected by a fictional characters sexuality.

Like do you self-insert in the character so much that you literally think you are them and you are part of the LGBT community you feel so much rage when someone HC a character with a sexuality other thaen just Heterosexuality

For I usually ship characters cause I like the bond they have or the interesting relationship they have I mainly ship characters for that it's mainly men because they just have an interesting relationship I just find with the others.

Omg, I am so sorry for this long ask!!!

But if you have read this long!!

Thank You Very Much!!

What a polarizing ask!!! Just before this I received a Fujoshi insult ask and then this lovely one!!! Thank you, Anon...

I always get so confused when people are so mad and they will just go up to your face and say "xxx isn't gay" like why are so obsessed over a fictional characters sexuality or even a irl persons I just don't get it and on why people get so mad it

I do think about this a lot and it all comes down to many factors... I can go ahead and simply say Homophobia as the reason but behind their phobia, I feel like one the most important factor being the 'Way Media portrays LGBT people'??? Either they will be portrayed as Villains... or max to max... a Side Character??? Oh!! Am talking about an 'All-Age Friendly' media. Not those NC-17 or R-Rated media which will be watched only by people who are 17 and above.

Because Fandoms are usually filled with Teenagers in larger numbers and they clearly think that 'A Main Character can't be Gay/Lesbian'. Let's take any movies that comes under Disney banner. Say, MCU. Can you even point one Main Character who is a Gay or Lesbian???

Yeah, Yeah... Someone will say Loki is Bisexual. And Valkyrie in Thor is also one.

My point is why Thor or Captain America or Iron-Man is not one??? Who cares about Loki or Valkyrie??? Nobody will self-insert themselves in these characters because they are not main characters. So, my assumption is that A Main Character can't be a Gay but a Villain can..... because they will be defeated by the Main Character at the end of the day anyway. Meaning... LGBT people aren't strong. A Side Character can be a Bi because they are not important. Or atleast that's what it all implies.

No, This isn't me who is trying to shove LGBT into everyone's throats just like people who want Naruto manga to have strong female characters in a Gay manga. My whole point is, why there isn't one.... I repeat One.... Atleast one Kid's Friendly Super Hero who loves a man and positively promote it to People of All-Ages????

Even in Naruto Fandom, I've never seen anyone having any problem about someone saying Hashirama and Madara being Gay. Infact, people are very easy going when it comes to making a Gay Joke about them. However, when it comes to Naruto and Sasuke though, people go feral and destroy the person who posted that kind of idea. Because they simply can't tolerate their MC being Gay. That very thought itself gives them the idea that 'Naruto can't be Gay because he is strong'.

And this is exactly why I love Naruto as a Media. Because it's extremely popular worldwide and their Main Characters are Gay.

I genuinely don't get on why people get mad when others HC

"Naruto/Any MC as Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/+"

So, when you, anon, HC a Main Character to have a different sexuality... People think that you are insulting their Manliness & their Strength (or whatever the fuck that is). This same shitty ideals are what led Gay men to live in their closets forever. Because, if they come out, they know that people will mock them. It's almost like a vicious circle. A Fake Morality which was created by men but it hurts back some of their own.

And most People don't see the fictional characters as a fictional one... They think that those characters are part of themselves which is not wrong but it goes haywire when they project a lot of their own shitty ideals onto them when in reality the 'said' character is completely different from them. And that's why you see those unhinged people come and scream at your face, 'They are not Gay'.

[csmeaner]

CS has made me such a snob and I’ve met lots of people with similar attitudes but I don’t know if they realize it yet:

“Oh, that design will never be worth much so I’d better save for something better.”

“That’s a beautiful design, but it’s not brand name. Maybe I could get it just to look at, but I’ve gotta focus on my Popular Shit so people know what a Popular Piece of Shit I am.”

“This design has XYZ elements out of place.”

“I couldn’t be seen dead with this design. Absolute cringe.”

Yanno what, Mod Shit? I’m gonna return to the forest and go feral. Cringe is dead–long live cringe.

Gonna dust off my old sparkledogs, my Warrior Cats, and all the other dumb shit I put away because I wanted to be a member of the “in” crowd and be “cool”.

Yes, this sparkledog has an obnoxious color scheme. I like it. Fuck you.

Yes, this anthro’s markings are never the same from drawing to drawing. I like it. Fuck you.

Yes, I’m drawing the cringiest, “I’m 14 and this is deep” emo art to express the fact that modern capitalism sucks. I like it. Fuck you.

Yes, I got this weird-looking-cat-that-could-be-a-dog-who-knows for the equivalent of 30 cents and I like it. Fuck you.

Yes, I draw like a blind man with the shakes. It’s fun and I like it. Fuck you.

Yes, this is just a bunch of color shat out onto a page. I like it. FUCK YOU.

In summary, fuck you, and fuck myself for becoming the equivalent of a wine snob over art. Art is supposed to be fun and freedom, not some stupid pissing contest about who can spend the most money over the most popular brand name pixels.

be free, anon, be free and shake your little frog ass as much as you want

we are cringe

but we are free

[hankwritten]

No Thru Traffic

Gen, 1k

Part of the DontNeedADiscord Pride Week, Day 6: Parade

“I’m really sorry Administrator,” I coughed into my tissue. “It really is- achoo-! It really is that bad. But at least it came after I got all that work done yesterday, right?”

The slightly pixelated Administrator on the other end of the Zoom call did not chime in in agreement. She narrowed her eyes, and I swallowed, hoping the sweat beading down the side of my face added to the charade.

After several tense seconds, the Administrator said, “very well. But I expect you early tomorrow morning to make up for the lost contracts.”

“Oh d-definitely,” I sniffed. “I’m sure it’ll be c-cleared up by tomorrow,”

“It better be. Administrator out.”

Her face hung frozen for a half second before the call dropped, replaced by a black void on my screen. I cautiously closed the webcam cover, just in case.

Then, I flew into a frenzy, wiping off the makeup I’d used put fake bags under the eyes. From my nose I removed two stubs of tissue, and took in a glorious breath now that I was freed from stuffy-nostrils. The sweat was real though. I’d never lied to the Administrator before, never to her face, and the sudden adrenaline as I realized what I’d just pulled off threatened to jitter me out of my skin.

“Yes!” I said, punching the air. “Ha! I did it!”

The exultation was short lived, as my head whipped to where my laptop was still sitting open. The call was over but…better be extra safe and power that off before I go.

I changed out of the grubby, sick-girl pajamas, and went to my closet. Habitually, my hand went to one of my numerous purple tops, but stopped just short of the hanger. Was this what I was going to wear, today of all days? Same boring work clothes I did for the other three hundred sixty-four days a year? I drew my hand back and frowned.

Screw it. Who knew when the next time I’d work up the nerve to do this again?

I began shoving hangers aside, heavy with their deep whooshing as I sorted through dozens and dozens of painfully similar button downs. Sometimes there was even a dress! How original! So I just kept searching and searching until-

There! Right at the back: an orange Hawaiian shirt I’d worn exactly once, back when I’d been forced to take my government mandated vacation. I pulled it on with gusto.

The tangles came free from my hair—I hadn’t brushed it yet that morning in order to give it that “sickly” look—and then I was in front of the bathroom mirror. Biting my lip, I looked down at the facepaints I’d bought on an impulse, thinking at the time I could paint little flags on my cheeks, but now that the time was upon me I wondered if it was too much. Already I was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, how much more wild was I willing to get?

But, well, since I’d already bought them…

Fifteen minutes later, I examined myself in the mirror again, and gave a relieved sigh. Hadn’t managed to smudge a thing!

Sensible shoes, my bus pass, and then I was off.

The parade was vibrant, so much better in person instead of looking at YouTube clips later and sighing wistfully. My first day off to coincide with it ever, and all I’d had to do was a little office subterfuge. Now, as long as I didn’t end up in any photos, no one would know I’d been here at all! Everything was going to be absolutely-

“-Oof, entschuldigung, I did not see you there.” The man who’d just bumped into me adjusted his glasses. “Miss Pauling?”

“Medic?” I gaped. “What are you doing here?”

“I am here for the parade of course,” he said, gesturing around. He was dressed for it, his usual vest replaced with one of horizontal rainbow stripes. “As are you, I assume.”

“Yes but,” I stumbled over my words. “What about work?”

“Ah, the Voice? I simply told her I was sick.”

I felt my spirits sink. “Did you now.” I rubbed my face, only remembering to avoid the facepaint at the last second. “It’s fine. Great to see you actually. As long as no one else recognizes us I’m sure we’re-”

“Doktor! Miss Pauling!”

“Aw jeez.”

Pushing through the crowd to greet them was the Heavy Weapons Guy—even worse, Engie appeared to be tagging along behind him, discussing a brochure with a unicorn-costume clad Pyro.

“Did not expect to see you here,” Heavy said as he made it to our side of the street. “Thought little Pauling must work.”

“Could say the same to you guys!” I said, irritation creeping into my voice. “Don’t tell me you all just played hookey together?”

“Naw,” Engie replied. “Didn’t know any of these fellers were coming until we all ran into each other.”

“This is bad,” I began to titter. “If we’re here, then who’s at the office?”

“…Is this a bad time to tell you that Demo ‘n Soldier are coming at us from down the street?”

I whipped around. Sure enough, there they were: Soldier with rainbow-striped American flag tied around his shoulders, and Demo with his afro dyed a deep commitment to purple.

“Ahhhhh!” I couldn’t help but let out. “Why did you all have to skip work at the same time as me?”

“We all wanted to come to the parade, lass.” Then, noting my distress, Demo added with a wink, “don’t fret! The old woman won’t know a thing. Currently, I’m home in bed with the measles.”

“The measles,” I deadpanned. I turned to our now rather obstructing group. “And what did the rest of you say?”

“Gingivitis,” Soldier offered.

“Chicken pox.”

“Halitosis.”

“Cat Scratch Fever,” Scout said, taking a bite from a hot dog.

“Scout!” I demanded. “When did you get here?”

He shrugged. “Don’t blame me, I was just following Spy, seeing why he was sneaking around and crap.”

“And I told you,” Spy’s voice replied, “that I was merely following the bushman and seeing what he was up to.”

“Wankers.”

Maybe I should just stop turning around. Then my coworkers would have to stop randomly appearing behind me, right?

“That’s literally everyone,” I berated them all. This time, when I rubbed my palms under my glasses, I did end up smudging the paint, streaks of white and pink running up my cheeks. “Uhg, we’re so screwed. What is the Administrator going to think when she walks in to the office and sees-”

“Absolutely no one?”

Okay. It looked like I’d have to turn around in a horrified manner one more time.

The Administrator parted the crowd around her, not the least because her shoulder pads threatened to stab anyone who got too close. Everyone shrank before her, except for Heavy maybe because I don’t think he has it in him to shrink before anyone.

“Helen,” I started, then cleared my throat. “I guess you uh…took a guess where we all went huh?”

“That I did.” She blinked down at her employees. “I must say I am disappointed. Of course, I expect something like this from these idiots, but from you Miss Pauling? Couldn’t even engineer a decent structural emergency in order to justify shirking your work. At the very least you could have flooded the building, or released feral opossums into the ventilation.”

“HEY NOW,” Soldier barked from the back of the group. “Have you been reading my itinerary? Because it very clearly says SOLDIER’S DAY PLANNER, DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU ARE SOLDIER OTHERWISE I WILL KILL YOU!”

“…Are you saying you wanted me to fabricate an emergency?” I asked, perplexed.

“It would at least have been more convincing than nine separate emails from my employees, all claiming different maladies. One of which was,” she looked at her phone, “‘A Case of the Mondays’.”

“It is actually proven that worker productivity is up to thirty-three percent lower at the beginning of the week,” Medic justified.

The Administrator stared at him. “It’s Thursday.”

“Alright, alright,” Engineer butt in. “I think we can all agree that we may have messed up a little. Told a few harmless lies about medical issues we may or may not have. But that ain’t exclusive to Miss P here! We all’ve been lying ‘round here, and it ain’t fair to single her out.”

“The laborer is right,” Spy agreed. “The blame should fall on all of us.”

One by one, to my amazement, the others spoke up, or nodded in agreement. When I glanced up at the Administrator again, she had an eyebrow raised, as though I had somehow orchestrated this as well.

“I could instruct you all to return to work, you know,” she said. “It is only fair that your recrimination should begin there. However…”

“You showed up, saw how sick it was, and decided you’re going to hang out and eat hot dogs with us instead?” Scout asked.

She glared at him. “I still have work that must be done before the end of the day. But, it appears Miss Pauling has tripled her workload in the week leading up to today, she has effectively removed any urgency from the rest of your duties. Thanks to her foresight, you are technically not needed at the office today.”

“Aih! Way to go lassie!” Demo said, squeezing me around the shoulders until only my toes were on the ground. Similar congratulations were offered, everyone getting in a pat on the back.

“You inspire great loyalty, Miss Pauling,” she said. “But do not let this happen again.” With that she turned, and disappeared into the revelry.

“Wow,” I said. “I think I’m going to have a heart attack now.”

“Have one when the parade is over!” Soldier demanded. “Look! Floats!”

There certainly were floats. As the chatter died down, and everyone celebrated their good luck, I was left standing among my friends with a new appreciation, these people who’d stuck by me when it’d counted. They were a bit of a colorful bunch but, hey, who better to celebrate pride with than them?

[pixeldotgamer]

Oh wise man Pixel, do you have any cool work stories you’d like to share?

i dont have any cool work stories but i sure do have some zingers

(tossed these under a read more cause it got long shjdfk ft things that happened at my old job since all my current job stories would be me exploding over ppl being stupid due to the Current Situation)

old job; baker for tim hortons aka canadian fast food coffee shop

1. i was testing our milk/creamer machines and accidentally mixed my milk and creamer cups into a single XL cup so we couldn’t reuse it after i measured it so we were just. stuck with this fucking XL cup of milk/creamer. my supervisor jokingly said she’d give $5 to whoever drank it so my coworkers went out back to discuss the conditions of the deal. this left me alone, up front, with this fucking cup and i just stared at it and was like. Yeah Okay This Might As Well Happen

so i grab it, pop the lid and start chugging it and get a solid 75% through when im like “wait am i about to really chug all of this in one go??? holy shit i need witnesses” so i went out back and walked inbetween my coworkers who were so busy discussing the conditions of the deal that they didn’t see me crushing their punk asses until i slapped one of them on the shoulder to which they all freaked out

tldr; i chugged an XL cup (24 oz) of a milk/creamer mixture in a single go and rightly got my 5 fucking dollars

2. on 3 seperate occassions i took a donut hole that was left in the bottom of the oven that was so burnt and dried out it was basically coal and proceeded to eat at least half of it to amuse/freak out coworkers

every time it exploded into ash in my mouth, and the first time i did it i ate the whole thing in one bite and literally almost choked on ash and had to take 15 to not die

3. one busy morning our drive thru debt went down, as it often did, and i was the one who got stuck on the phone with the tech people. this lead to say....25 minutes? of them just telling me to turn it off and back on again as i paced around the work space which i should note is probably smaller then my own bedroom losing my mind as they constantly disappeared to try different stuff on their end

the dude kept blaming me and kept implying i was turning it off/on at the wrong times? but didn’t explain what he meant in any form. this went on for 25 or more minutes. after turning the moniter off for the 7/8th time he was like “yeah okay brb again :/” and at this point i had so much built up energy i jumped into the air and slammed back down, crouching as close to the ground as i physically could before springing back up into a normal standing position like “okay! :]”

my coworkers, who had watched the full 25 minute build up of my frustration, rightly lost their minds laughing at my feral energy

4. this one is so random but i think about it constantly - one morning i was taking orders at drive thru and a lady ended up spending i’ll say 20 minutes trying to order some god damn food because she wanted lunch but we weren’t serving lunch cause it was fucking 10am so she went with a grill cheese and like just getting there. getting to the grill cheese? took 20 minutes. she took 5 mins to make up her mind, and then added shit then took it off then added it back. so after we finally cleared that hurdle i did the normal thing of “oh do you want sides?”

that took 8 minutes. couldn’t decide if she wanted 2 donuts or 2 hashbrowns. she decided on one of each.

anyway you can make combos if you get a drink right so then i was like “okay you want a drink to make the combos?” and this lady with the same tone of ‘ugh fuck this retail worker is talking to me, blegh what a fucking moron’ she’s had for this whole 30 minute order that has been shaving at my sanity like a cheese grater is like “Uh, /no/.” so i was like god okay cool your total is blah blah come on up

and then this fucking lady without missing A B EAT is like “oh and i want 2 medium coffees-” and on pure knee jerk reaction i balled my fist and slammed it as hard as i could into our counters, making a ungodly loud noise that made all my coworkers jump. and after i took a sec to like. not die. i somehow managed to be like “haha okay! :]” with a totally normal voice

after that was over i wandered out back to chug coffee and put ice on my hand lol

[koiyyo]

DRV3 “modern” MC server HCS!

something something chaotic this is DRV3 im sorry for all the mishaps im a mess tonight :pensive: - mod corn -by mod irusu, mod cass, mod dragon, mod corn, mod chie and mod kiwi 

shuichi  - probably lives in the end   - in an alliance with kaede and rantaro, they vibe  - part of the hunt to find where the hell kokichi’s base is  - kinda just vibes with rantaro and kaede, mostly just there  - terrible luck with diamonds, mostly its always lapis  - kaito gives him diamonds  - tried to pet kokichi’s dogs, kokichi hit him  - fears minecraft dogs to this day

maki  - runs an assassin business with peko  - her skins just black so she can blend in with the night  - the reason why kokichi never goes out in the daylight  - literally goes feral if someone uses her crafting table/furnace in her house  - always has a totem of undying? nobody has any clue where she got it   - watches out for kaito cause he’s a clueless old man

himiko  - cannot handle caves   - tenko has to come with her at all times  - “himiko what are you doing” -loud snoring-  - the one who’s always afk  - tries to sleep in the bed in the middle of the day  - makes potions but doesn’t sell them like mikan does  - “himiko why do you have a drinkable potion of harming”

kaede  - helps out anyone who’s new to the server  - very wholesome  - makes cookies for everyone  - does the shift + looking down thing a lot   - anytime she leaves a sign it has an emoticon  - “who took my cookies i’ll kill you >w<”  - probably has a bunch of cats named after music/piano stuff

rantaro  - says gg after dying from another player  - kinda just vibes with kaede and shuichi   - helps them make a farm mostly  - goes five blocks, gets lost  - needs a map on him at all times  - “guys idk where i am”  - the only one who knows where kokichi’s secret base is because one time he accidentally stumbled upon it

kirumi  - people ask her to make them a house a lot  - she always accepts  - basically a nomad  - does whatever anyone else asks  - has only killed ryoma once by hitting him bare fisted on one heart  - still apologizes to this day   - only goes into mine shafts to get rid of the cobwebs, leaves

ryoma  - made a tennis court in his house  - cold blooded murderer  - stalks people to try and get their supplies   - feels bad and gives them back  - “kirumi stop being nice it’s a free for all”

tenko  - has a small lesbian pin on her minecraft skin that nobody knows about  - goes with himiko into mineshafts  - kills all boys on sight  - constantly asks sakura to a “martial arts” rematch  - makes pixel art maps for every flag  - likes to put gay flags on unsuspecting victims’ houses  - “LMAO look himiko a gay” “tenko we’re gay”

angie  - made a temple in the server for atua  - forces everyone to go to said temple every sunday  - terrifyingly good at pvp  - like, really good  - REALLY GOOD    - has literally all the variants of minecraft paintings in her house  - has a treehouse cause “it’s closer to atua amen”

kiyo  - summons the wither constantly and joins forces with it  - way too obsessed with enderman, literally has them in his house for anything to come in and look at  - slays the ender dragon in a matter of two minutes, everyone is afraid  - constantly whispers about dissecting everyone and making clothes out of their skin whenever he is killed in pvp  - has a cool ass house tho no cap  - lowkey wants to live in the end

gonta  - makes a massive bee themed house with help from Shuichi   - doesn’t kill anyone because gonta is gentleman  - unless someone touches his bees  - big farm, kokichi destroyed it once and gonta cried  - likes to cook things for people that stumble upon his house

miu  - has a naked women skin on and says “dam this girl is flatter than kaede”  - makes everyone uncomfortable when in her minecraft house  - makes a fuck ton of hoes and just says “GUYS I MUST BE KAITO RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IM SURROUNDED BY HOES” despite it making no sense  - walked up to kokichi with a bowl and said “hey man i found your dildo”  - framed teruteru for putting a strip pole in the music venue, but she secretly did it  - constantly spamming shift and looking up

kaito  - has a bunch of moon paintings in his house  - beats the shit out of kokichi when he burns his house down  - puts lava in his house and forgets about it, then dies from it.  - the guy who has to help rantaro out  - probably a minecraft veteran  - went in creative and tried to fly up to the stars  - chiaki set him in survival just as he reached block limit

kokichi  - chaotic evil  - has a huge hidden base hidden underground, literally nobody knows where it is  - burns people’s houses down  - really fucking bad at pvp so whenever he sees someone else he books it   - kills gontas bees constantly  - people call him “the pvp pigeon” because he basically scatters whenever you  go near him in pvp  - “if u press q with a pickaxe over lava, it gives u a secret buff”  - has essentially committed tax fraud in mc

tsumugi  - only uses naruto skins  - scarily good at minecraft mazes  - death stares kokichi when he says anything negative about her minecraft skin  - has a bunch of diamond hoes for no reason  - constantly tries to make anime statues at spawn  - kokichi always burns them

keebo  - doesn't understand how to play minecraft  - kokichi bullies him about it   - “HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO PLAY?”  - he has pet chickens and names them after miu’s favourite things  - “this is keebo, my pet chicken!”  - always forgets how to open inventory and has to get help  - kokichi told him to press q once and then stole the item keebo dropped BWAHh finally done this was rlly fun to do!! ty again to that anon for the request <3<3 - mod corn

[completelypeccable]

Can I Have This Dance? Chp 4

Previous - Here - Next

Chapter 4: Dancing in the Dark

Barbara Gordon

////Sorry it took me forever to write this chapter.  I ended up starting the Two for One Deal story to get a better perspective on the characters’ relationships, then changed this chapter like 12,394 times.  I recommend listening to the song (Dancing in the Dark by Imagine Dragons) before reading, but you do you.  I’ll also link it right before it ‘plays’ in the story. Hope you like it, it’s a lil angsty. Sorry Dick.////

3:14 AM

Damian al Ghoul has been missing for 13 hours and 27 minutes. 

The rest end up at her apartment in various states and at various times. None of them have stopped moving. Not since...

“Hey,” Tim said- and the poor kid was so tired his voice wobbled on a monosyllabic word- breaking the silence. Barbara was focus, filtering and cross referencing and scanning any possible location within a 5 mile radius from the past two days at 15 minute intervals, then 5 minute intervals. 

She pushed her glasses up her nose and the world came back in focus. Blood dribbled onto the counter. 

Stephanie’s voice snapped at Jason to drop the knife.

Barbara watched Jason enter the gift shop for the fifth time. 

Jason growled, but the blade left his bleeding fingertips, clattering to the counter.

The kid pulled the fire alarm. Jason grabbed his arm. 

His wild eyes were glowing, hair sticking every which way. 

The blast. She paused the video feed. 

Cass draped herself over the man’s back. His eyes refocused, but the glow flickered in and out, mouth twisted. Cass murmured in his ear. With a shudder, he buried his face in his hands.  

Barbara kept seeing the explosion, the panic, the outpour of smoke, even as she wheeled over and shifted Jason’s hands away as gently as she could, Tim already bringing over the bandages. Jason bit his other arm and muffled a scream. Barbara felt useless, and so frustrated. She couldn’t fix this, hadn’t come up with any new information in hours. They didn’t understand and they were a family of detectives.  They would rather shoot themselves in the foot than be this clueless. 

Jason laid his head on the table. 

It’s going to be okay. She breathed without conviction . We have to fix this.

Barbara pretended not to notice Tim’s sniffling, but Cass handed him a tissue anyways. Over and around each fingertip the white bandage danced. 

Barbara took a deep breathe and tried to keep her hands from shaking. Her chest was a vacuum, collapsing with the shell of her chest. Hot tears stung the back of her eyes. Where-

Don’t fall, don’t you dare fall.

She needed, she couldn’t be the only strong one- 

Duke slipped back out the door, fully suited. 

She would do this for them, of course she would. She taped the bandage down. 

She could do this. Alone if she had to, because she was freaking Oracle, but-

Tim leaned his head against Stephanie. 

Where the hell was Dick?

———-

Tim was crying. “Barbara, I- we need some help.”

Time slowed down. Tim didn’t cry, he didn’t lose his cool over nothing. She didn’t feel the bowl leaving her hands, nor did she process anything other than the phone against her shoulder as she flung herself to her laptop. The soup didn’t even burn her legs like it should. All she heard was the thump thump thumping of the blood in her ears.

Please, please. 

“What’s wrong, Tim?”

Haven’t we lost enough people?

“We weren’t in suits, and then this guy-And-and there was an explosion-“

Barbara stopped breathing. 

“And then- I’m sorry, I’m really sorry-“ He took a long, shaky inhale, coughing on the exhale. 

“Tell me what you need me to do,” she whispered. Dread was a 50 pound weight on her chest. 

“Damian’s gone. And we can’t find him.”

————————

“I don’t know, okay? He was there, he was right there!”

“Somebody needs to stop Jason from killing that kid-“

“Maybe he deserves a couple life checks-“

“He doesn’t know anything. He said he was payed by a random man.”

“And do you trust that?”

“Tells truth.”

“Whatever. That piece of-“

“Any identifiable traits? Just ‘some guy’?”

“He wore a ski mask.”

“Basic.”

“Too basic.”

“I just pulled up the schematics. There was a sewer entrance inside the building.”

“I didn’t see-“

“It was too dark and smoky to see shit.”

“I’m going to make him hurt so bad-“

“That won’t help anything, we need to look-“

“We’ve already looked! We looked everywhere!”

“We must have missed something! A kid can’t just disappear!”

“The sewer system is a damned labyrinth because Gotham is an emo hell hole.”

“Would you just shut up and let me think?”

“I’m going back-“

“The police are there by now, idiot. In case you forgot, we’re absolutely useless in the daytime.”

“Well maybe I’ll suit up then, and shove my mask up your-“

“Duke. Look.”

“I looked, Cass, I’m so sorry. I barely saw anything.”

“What see?”

“Duke if you saw anything at all, you have to tell us right now.”

“I already told you! All I saw was that he got knocked out then dragged into the building. Then the smoke was too dark to-“

“Wait, you saw through the smoke in the fire at Antonio’s two months ago, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“So why couldn’t you-“

“I don’t know, okay? I’m trying-“

“We’re not blaming you, Duke. It’s not your fault.”

“Your powers have only gotten more controlled, so something’s different this time.”

“Smoke.”

“Was there something about the smoke?”

“I mean-“

“Was it the building itself, maybe? The location, or I dunno, magic?”

“Wait, wait, the smoke. When it happened, I think...”

“Come on, sunshine, spit it out.”

“It just seemed darker, okay? I know it sounds stupid, but-“

“No, you’re right. I was too freaked out to notice, but it did seem really dark in there.”

“Is this really a bench mark? We need to stop running into burning buildings or some sh-“

“Okay, so we know the smoke was darker, Damian was isolated, we were scattered by a perceived threat, and there was a quick exit through the sewer.”

“We still have no idea who did it, or where they took him.”

“Benefit?”

“There’s a lot of people willing to kidnap a billionaire’s son.”

“Then who would know...?”

“What do you mean?”

“Who would know where to find him, and why would they do it the way they did?”

“Can we just-“

“They knew how to distract us. Our civilian identities wouldn’t have fallen for the hoodie kid.”

“Oh my cheese nips. What if they knew about Duke-“

“Light.”

“They would have known to obscure his vision.”

“And who would want just Damian? Who knows all of our identities? Who is pissed as hell and has been acting like a crazy person for like three months now?”

“...”

“Shit.”

“... has anyone called Dick back?”

————————

Tim was on the phone. 

“Where’s Damian.”

Barbara hacked into the line. 

“What do you mean?” Bruce replied, smooth as butter, but cold like the butter you left in your fridge and destroyed your toast when you just wanted a nice breakfast. The worst butter. 

Barbara sipped her third cup of coffee. 

“What did you do with him?”

“Aren’t you a little detective? Don’t you have some sort of a silly mission to go play with your friends?”

“Bruce, you bastard, I don’t know what kind of a sick game you think you’re pulling, but I want my brother back!”

Bruce laughed on the other side of the line, deep and long. 

Tim white knuckled the phone.

“Didn’t know you to have such balls, kid.”

“Didn’t know you were auditioning for ugliest Disney villain.”

Bruce chuckled. Barbara stared wide eyed at the feed, Bruce smiling all teeth at the camera in his office at Wayne Enterprise. 

“Always a pleasure, dear.”

Click. 

Tim screamed. 

—————

Tim and Jason were the only ones left awake with her when Dick came through the window, hitting the floor and rattling the room. He stumbled into the table. Jason caught his arm and steadied him. 

“Dick,” Barbara started, fury and grief warring in her chest as she ripped out her headphones. “Where the hell have you-“

Dick jerked out of Jason’s grasp. Barbara stared at the bloody hand print on the table. 

“-been,” she finished lamely. 

”I-“ Blood dripped down his arm, more splattered across his torso and left leg. It was hard to tell if it was his. A breath rattled in and out. “Dami-“ his voice broke.

The rage in his eyes scared her. Barbara reached for him, but he jerked away. 

“Dick,” she whispered. 

He tossed a flash drive onto the table. A bloody fingerprint marked the side. 

“Barbara,” his hands were shaking. “Please-“

Barbara flipped it open, careful not to touch the sides, and inserted it into her computer. 

———————— Duke watched as Stephanie roundhouse kicked a guy in the ribs, and he hit the ground with a gasp. 

The bats were out to hunt, and it wasn’t even twilight. Like rabid animals, the feral look in their eyes screamed danger.

Jason, Cass, and Tim took to the sewers while he and Steph scoured the surface world for clues. 

Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat?

Duke bit down his own bile, the dread and grief of every loss he couldn’t deal with hedging in his vision from each side, and threw a punch to cover Steph’s back. 

“Where is he,” she snarled. The criminal whimpered, shoved against the wall. “Where is the bat?”

Where is our snarky kid brother?

Family is family. And Duke’s had a tendency of disappearing.

———————————

It was encrypted video footage, half deleted, half scattered, with enough security to put the US military to shame. 

But they had never met Oracle.

She was angry. She was scared. These could be used, sharpening her wit, a match thrown into a barrel of gasoline. Nothing and no one couldn’t hide from her. She would burn everything down to find what they hid.

She cracked it in less than 15 minutes. 

The world and the buzzing in her head could wait. Concentration and a challenge we’re a sweet relief. She reassembled the code from the scattered bits they gave her, pixels coming together in a cacophony of code. 

And she smiled, victorious, twirling one headphone in her hand. Her fingers hovered over the play button. 

Don't throw my name 'round here like that

“Dick?” 

The present came back, though. 

“Dick, maybe you should let me look at that arm now.”

Barbara looked up. Dick was shaking, clutching his tricep with one hand, blood slowly oozing around his fingers. 

You could get us in some trouble Talking that way and

“Come on, you need-“

“I need you to leave me alone,” he growled. 

Monday you got me that's a fact You could get me in some trouble

Jason just sighed. “Come on, Dickibird.” 

With no small degree of apprehension, Barbara watched him grab his shoulders. “Up we go.”

I don’t need nobody

“Get your hands-“

His voice broke. The tears fell. Jason dropped down to kneel beside his chair. 

“Hey, hey-“

Dick flung himself up and away, knocking into the counter. Red hands yanked his hair. 

“Dick-“

If you ever 

A desperate voice rose, shook like a tree losing all its leaves in a single storm. They watched, frozen, as the steady, reliable man shattered. 

Want to join me

“Don’t touch me, don’t- don’t,” he cried. “I don’t deserve-“ 

Dick slid to the ground, sobs wracking his body. 

Baby, I’ll be dancing in the dark 

“Dick,” Tim whispered, lowering to the floor. 

“Don’t, don’t-“

“Dick.”

“It’s my fault, it’s all my fault, I promised him-“ He gasped for air. 

If you ever want to join me

Jason dropped beside him and grabbed his hand. 

“Breathe with me, in and out.”

“I can’t, I- I can’t-“

“Shh, come on. In, 2, 3, 4-“

“Jay, I can’t fu-“

“Out, 2, 3, 4.”

Baby, I’ll be dancing in the dark

He pressed a palm hard against his eye. 

Dancing in the

“I can’t breathe, I-“

Join me

“Come on, you can do it. You’re okay.”

Dancing in the

“Okay?!”

Dick slammed his head into the counter. 

“This- it hurts more- more than dying, Tim.”

Join me, baby

“And they let me die, and-and I let them take him-“

Dancing in the

“And I didn’t- I wasn’t there-“

“We’re gonna find him.”

Join me, baby

Dick covered his face with one arm and wailed. 

Most days I’m keeping to myself 

Jason pulled him into a half-hug, half-hold. Tim scooted over and threw his arms around them. Dick collapsed into them, sobbing harder than Barbara thought a person could. 

Living in my little bubble

Tim was crying. Jason’s voice was wet and thick. “We’re gonna find him, Dick. We’re gonna get him and he’s gonna be fine.”

Throwing my weight and moving my body through the sea

“I love you guys, I love you so much-“

“We know, Dick,” Tim whispered. 

“I love you so much- if you-I- I can’t even-“

Jason shushed him, resting his chin on his hair. 

You could come join me                                                                               Moving like the weekend

“And he’s- I couldn’t-“

“We know, Dick.” Jason let the tears fall. “We’re worried, too.”

Dick pushed both hands into his eyes, hard. “He-It’s not- Damian,” his voice cracked. 

I don’t need nobody 

“It’s not the same with him,” Tim murmured, with that soft compassion, that understanding he always managed to give when they needed him most. “We know. He’s like your baby.”

If you ever want to join me, baby I'll be dancing in the dark

Dick bit his hand and yelled, a grief to rend the ceiling with him. 

If you ever want to join me, baby I'll be dancing in the dark

Jason and Tim held him together. 

Barbara couldn’t fix this. She had to fix this. 

She didn’t know her heart could break this much. 

Dick gripped Tim’s head and Jason’s arm, struggling for air. Treading underwater. She played the video feed. 

Dancing in the No. Join me, baby A laugh. A deal. Dancing in the And the Batman- That bastard- Join me, baby That absolute monster- Dancing in the -let this happen to his own son. Who the hell was he? Join me, baby A handshake and- Dancing in the Ra’s al Ghoul stood above his unconscious grandson. Join me, baby Barbara wanted to scream. She wanted to sink her nails into their bare flesh. She wanted to see Batman scared and painted red. If you ever want to join me, baby They needed to find him, where was he, they had to get him back. I’ll be dancing in the dark What were they doing with him? He’s a kid. Dancing in the What the hell was going on? Join me, baby They had to be missing something. If you ever want to join me baby Suddenly, this shitstorm just got worse. I'll be dancing in the dark Whether it was the raw fear, the sound of Dick’s ragged heaving, or the complete loss of reason within the last 24 hours, Barbara sat there staring. Baby Whoever was involved- Dancing in the It didn’t matter if she didn’t know where or how or why yet. Baby She would. And she was going to destroy them.  

///Oracle is going to e n d them. #Dick is a good dad. #Jason is a good brother. Comments are always greatly treasured like i am the dragon and they are the priceless gold artifacts that I keep for bedding and staring at appreciated :) //

[saint-patrice]

Tbh I would like to have the 34 *other* Bergy pics on your shortlist, complete with commentary lolol. And then (if you’re still waiting that is) any other Marchy pics with commentary? xD xD

oh my godddd you are my favourite person anon - ask and ye shall receive 😎 i should maybe warn that while this doesn’t have actual nsfw content you probably wouldn’t want to read this to your kids as a bedtime story. anyway, here we go: 

this was very close to making the original list. i like the soft lighting and the kind of floofy hair, yet he still looks like he could absolutely fuck me up (both like in a fight and various other ways). this photo gets me thinking some thoughts ™ if i am being honest

a literal saint and god amongst men right here. his brown eyes are so soft and his little smile puts me at ease. this is a man who would treat me right (fact). this photo is also from quite deep into the playoffs so the beard is going a little wild, and whilst i’m glad it isn’t like this all of the time, i very much appreciate it when it’s around.

O CAP’N MY CAP’N (sorry zee). nah for real this exudes some real sexy alternate energy. if i were on the opposing team and i saw this formidable man just skating around looking like that i think i’d just go back down the tunnel and hide in the locker room. this man will fucking kneecap you for the sake of a goal if that’s what it takes. and then i remember that it’s patrice and he’s the nicest man alive and he would literally never, but that’s still the energy this image has. and i ain’t saying i don’t like it.

okay this is just cute. they look like 2 dads who aren’t entirely sure how to take a selfie but are willing to try. the outfits lend this a slightly chaotic energy - i can’t commend zee’s colour combo if i’m honest, and when juxtaposed with the plaid shirt it kind of hurts my head. but it adds to the dad energy so i still love it. also this is from chara’s ig and the caption is super sweet.

DADS WITH THEIR KIDS ALWAYS GETS ME. i don’t even want kids, nor do i particularly like them, but seeing a man with his child is the cutest thing in the world and this, predictably, is no exception. patrice’s son 100% has his eyes which is really cute. speaking of patrice’s eyes, he may be smiling here but if you look into his eyes all you will see is fear - that child does not appear too bothered about remaining upright on the ice, and i suspect thay bergy is concerned about this. it would be criminal for me to not comment on the jeans. bergy has some exceptional thighs as these jeans do an excellent job of highlighting that.

this is Hot, and i’m not accepting criticism on that opinion. the crisp white shirt w no jacket or tie, and the top buttons undone???? i need a lie down. the hands are also making a nice appearance which i can always appreciate. basically what i’m saying is that i’m jealous of that snake this is an excellent photo and i owe the bruins instagram person a drink for posting it.

do you remember when i said bergy had marvellous thighs? well take a fucking sip babes - they’re like tree trunks carved out of carrara marble. if i have to die i want it to be because they crushed my skull. this is also one of the clearest photos i’ve seen of his tattoo, so it has that going for it too ( sidenote if anyone has an image with literally a pixel of his tattoo pls send it my way, i’m getting desperate at this point). i also think men in jewellery is a good look so i’m digging his beaded bracelets and silver chain. fantastic picture all round.

yeah okay there’s no escaping that the main reason this one made the list is 🍑. it’s exquisite. those pants also do a great job on the thighs too. the hair, socked feet (no i dont have a fetish i just think ppl in their socks with no shoes is kind of funny), and hands get an honourable mention

is this the only picture that has ever mattered? i’d believe it. patrice just lovingly gazing down at his son giving his hockey husband a handshake? you just can’t beat it. i have also been emotionally ruined by that tiny #37 jersey oh my

in the interest of being polite, i will describe this look as rugged. he has probably objectively looked better but i just like this photo and awful lot.

i don’t think i can give any commentary on this without saying something genuinely not suitable for public eyes. the 2 things i will say are: the only thing keeping me going completely feral horny looking at this is those pants,, if they were black or navy i’d be dead; and patrice i am begging you to do up a few more buttons on your shirt or remove it completely or i’m not going to live much longer.

oh man i just love this??? i can’t even explain why. the lack of much beard and the expression in his eyes just makes him look massively soft - i would give him a kiss on the nose and a cuddle in this photo

(gif via @gaudreau) i am slightly loathe to admit this bc it sounds weird but cuts and bruises can sometimes be a real look so this checks that box for me. his smile when he talks truly is one of the finer things in life too. also the lil shrug. i love you mr pikachu

a** fantastic **angle. this is just prime beautiful bergy.  excellent level of beard imo, the lighting shows off his v nice bone structure, and the nose is looking fab as always. weird observation of the day is that his neck looks nice in this

i mean obviously this had to go in - lord knows it’s fucking iconic. i have so many questions about how this situation came to be (aside from the fact that alcohol was involved. did brad initiate it? or patrice? why are they spinning? what the fuck? how the fuck? why was i not invited?) but anyway, this photo increased my thirst for a shirtless bergy photo at least two-hundredfold. at this point it’s a need not a want. i don’t think i can continue to comment on this without straying into nsfw territory so we’ll leave it at that. oh the things i would do

classic humble patrice making an appearance here, reminding us that he is not only the most handsome bastard to ever walk planet earth, but he’s a great guy too. just can’t hate him. and boy is he handsome in this gif. excellent stubble (im really invested in his facial hair if you hadn’t noticed), and the smile that could melt even my cold heart on display here. also bonus points for the previously mentioned thing about cuts/bruises. (sorry). i love this one 

in contrast to some of the prior ones, this picture is so cute that i can make nothing but pg comments about it. this is exactly the same face we all make when someone points a camera at us and says “cheese!” and i love that. the man looks good in white. good, wholesome content right here.

(gif via @weekendatbergysblog) okay the baby is cute but the fucking headband is what gets me in this. i’m able to make no further comment because this short circuits my brain.

(gif via @davidpastrnut)when i first saw this gif i had to go find the source video because i didn’t believe he actually said that but i’m here to tell you: he did. i love these hockey husbands so much. also i saw this tagged as “# hot waiter” one time and i still haven’t got over how accurate that is. someone more talented than me, i’m begging you for that fucking au 

(gif via @gaudreau) can patrice please stop looking up ??? it’s unfair that someone can look so good just looking in a direction what the fucK. he’s so stunning.

i love this one. brad pulling his hoodie down like that looks like he’s... soliciting and honestly who could blame him. bergy looks very cute, if a bit edgy in the all black. the hand is a treat in this one hooooooooooooooooo yes

this one show’s off patrice’s dark features very well. it’s amazing how he has such dark hair, dark eyes, big dark eyebrows, and dark facial hair, yet it doesn’t overcrowd or shadow his face ( except occasionally in awful lighting) ??? does anyone actually know how that works?? he’s looking very pensive here, and that hoodie looks oh-so-cosy. absolutely would cuddle.

**how cute is this y’all. **in case you thought you were just missing something, no, patrice is not sitting on a chair. he’s just maintaining that deep squat like a champ. maybe that’s the secret to his sublime thighs... the navy/deep red is an excellent look on him, and we get a rare glimpse of bergy with his wedding ring, which i find to be oddly cute. bonus points for him being beside a very cute kid too :)

(gif via @jakedebrask) this, i, ummmmm. i- uhh. just. um. yeah. so like. uhhhh... swiftly moving on

(gif via @davidpastrnut) this motherfucker and his handsome fucking face even looks good in that god-awful wooly patriots hat. honestly it looks like he’s about to go out and have a snowball fight (presumably with brad). decidedly rather domestic and i love it

(gif via @davidpastrnut) intense media patrice is intense. this is such a classic bergy face though, i love it. every time some media person asks him some big long question he puts on this exact very-invested-and-slightly-concerned face, its iconic. looking cosy in a hoodie once again. stop it. 

nice polo, dude

(gif via @davidpastrnut) that tshirt looks like its fighting for its life to contain those biceps. a dark, brooding patrice that has some sort of slow burn au stirring deep in my mind. from other angles in this interview the tattoo is fairly visible also.

this has such a strong energy it almost knocked me off my feet. again, i can see this being some sort of business or maybe criminal masterminds au. but fuck me, does that man looking something beautiful in a suit. the one hand in the pocket is quite frankly BDE too. i’m glad i’m not into dadkes or esle i think this whole picture would be too much for me.

he is literally the kind of man you’d want to bring home to your parents. i’m glad he seems to have cashed in on the navy/deep red combo because it really does suit him. he looks so fucking dapper here i may be very much in love

another excellent on-ice shot of him, albeit his slightly concerned expression. the beard is looking fucking crisp here hello sir. not much else to say on this, just a handsome, handsome boy.

(gif via @jeffsamardzija) another one that gives me Thoughts. he’s literally so beautiful. hair is cut a little shorter than usual on the sides and on anyone else it would scream fuckboy but i’m kind of digging it on bergy, at least on this one occasion. if i say anything else we’ll go down the rabbit hole

oof this is_ intense. _bergy aside, this is just an incredible shot tbh. rare that we get to see mr perfect not completely level-headed and playing it cool so it feels like a treat when we do. lowkey hot ngl

last but very certainly not least, mr patrice bergeron, four-time bergeron award winner, holding the award itself. this photo honestly just makes my heart swell a little with pride - it’s what he deserves!!!! just absolutely dapper in a beautiful suit as always, and a smile that could topple a nation to round it all off.

thank you so much for this anon!!! it was rather self-indulgent but i hope you like it :) also i will absolutely do another one with marchy, although my nails have been dry for about 2 hours now so i’ll probably do it tomorrow or friday, but it’s on its way :)