#i am going to caesar you bitches

[misscryptidart]

get the fuck out of the Aesthetic tags you garbage people go to the backrooms like a normal person

[andthebeanstalk]

I HAVE BEEN LEARNING ABOUT MISTER AUGUSTUS OCTAVIAN/OCTAVIUS GAIUS CAESAR SINCE 8TH GRADE. HOW AM I STILL LEARNING MORE THINGS ABOUT HIM THAT MAKE ME GO "octavius babe holy shit what the fuck what the FUCK dude"

[hauntingblue]

Fujitora you stupid bitch!!!!

[starkwlkr]

love in las vegas | mark webber

through the decades masterlist

Las Vegas, 1967

Mark didn’t know why he even agreed to accompany his friends to sin city. He would much rather stay in his cosy bed and sleep, but he knew how much the trip meant to his friend, Tom, since it was a bachelor party.

“Think we’ll get lucky tonight?” Tom asked Mark as they walked the Las Vegas strip. Tom had talked all day about going to the casino so he was more than confident that he would be walking home with a few hundred dollars.

“I don’t want to jinx it.” Mark chuckled. Soon the group of friends found themselves in Caesars Palace. Mark never imagined himself at such a fancy place like Caesars Palace. He always thought it was for big name celebrities like Paul Newman and Audrey Hepburn.

Still he was here to enjoy time with his friends.

“Hey, I think I’m going to check out the rest of the building. I heard the pool is pretty nice.” Mark said to the group, but no one heard him since they were too busy on the slot machines.

He walked away and found himself wandering around. He wasn’t sure what direction the pool was located in so he kept walking and admiring the art work on the walls. That was until a sweet voice caught his attention.

“Honestly, Mary, why can’t I go alone? I’ve done it once, I can do it again. Fuck what the press thinks, they already think I’m a bitch!”

Mark watched as the most beautiful woman in the world walked down the hall. She had on red heart glasses and wore a shade of red lipstick that Mark loved. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her until he almost bumped into a wall.

“Mary, I’m going to be by the pool. All this thinking is making me stressed and I can’t be stressed.” Mark didn’t want to seem like a stalker, but he was going to the pool either way.

He watched as you were greeted by every person as you made your way to a cabana. You took your sunglasses off and laid on the lounge chairs.

Go talk to her . . No, she’s busy. . But it can’t hurt, right? It might! Think positive!

His inner thoughts were stopped when you called for him. He looked around thinking you were calling someone else, but he was proven wrong when you pointed at him.

“You are talking to me . . ” Mark nervously chuckled as he approached your cabana.

“Well yeah, you look lost.” You laughed. “You have an accent. I take it you’re not from here.”

“No, I’m from Australia. I’m just here with a couple of friends. They’re in the casino.” Mark explained.

“You can sit down, I don’t have germs.” You joked when you noticed that he was still standing. So Mark sat in the lounge chair across from you. “How are you liking Vegas?”

“It’s loud that’s for sure. It’s . . . perfect for those fancy rich celebrities. Especially those actors like that guy from to kill a mockingbird!”

“Gregory Peck? He’s lovely. Wonderful kisser too.” You reply with a smirk.

“What? Is it like a rumor?”

“No, I speak from experience. It was also lovely to work with him. He invited me to his house in California. I declined, but it was still nice of him to invite me.” You recalled the time your friend had invited you to his California home.

“Wait . .” Mark thought for a second. “You’re —”

You nodded. “One of those ‘fancy rich celebrities’ except I don’t come to Vegas often. I’m only here a couple hours. You see, I am supposed to be on a flight to Santa Monica for the academy awards, but I wanted to spend some time here. I like it here, it’s one of the few places I enjoy.”

Mark instantly felt like an idiot. He didn’t mean to insult you. Well then again, he didn’t know you acted. He hardly watches any new movies anyways. He had been busy with racing.

“I never asked you your name.” You said.

“Mark.” The Australian replied.

“Well Mark, do you want to explore Vegas with me?”

Mark didn’t have to think twice. You took him to your favorite restaurants, took pictures with your Polaroid and walked the strip until your feet ached. But there was one final stop that was a must do when you’re in Vegas.

Graceland Wedding Chapel

Was it a stupid decision? You and Mark didn’t think so.

That night, you had married a nice stranger.

“I can’t believe that we just got married!” Mark said as you walked out of the chapel with the certificate in hand. “Holy shit, we’re married!”

“Call me Mrs. Webber.” You held out the hand that Mark had been holding. The Australian grabbed it and kissed it.

“I think this is the best night of my life.” Mark sighed. “Wait, that makes my life sound extremely sad. Don’t listen to me.”

You laughed. “It’s okay. This is the best night of my life too and I’ve been to so many places, but being here with you is my favorite.”

As Mark leaned in to place a kiss on your lips, you gasped and pulled back. You had completely forgotten about the academy awards ceremony that you needed to attend in a few hours.

“I need to go! Wait, you need to go with me too!” You said.

“What? I can’t!”

“Why not? We just need to get to Santa Monica, get you a suit and get to the ceremony. I’m nominated for best actress!”

Best actress? You couldn’t miss that!

“Fine, but if my friends find out I ditched them—”

“They won’t notice you’re gone, I promise.”

Mark grabbed your hand and together you ran to the parking lot where his Porsche had been parked. Before you could get the chance, he opened the door for you and gave you a charming smile.

“Mrs. Webber.” He winked.

“You’re too kind, Mr. Webber.” You blushed.

Soon, you and Mark were on your way to Santa Monica. Mark had rolled the windows down and turned up the music. It was perfect. You could feel the cool air going through your hair, the sweet sound of ‘I think we’re alone now’ by Tommy James and The Shondelles filled your ears. Mark kept glancing at you every chance he got. In his eyes, you were the love of his life. He was a firm believer in soulmates and here you were in the passenger seat of his Porsche. You were living proof that love at first sight existed and he was head over heels in love with you.

The four hours it took to get to Santa Monica, you and Mark talked, sang and you even got a few minutes to nap. When you arrived, you took Mark to get a suit. Mark had only wore a suit a handful of times. He hated wearing them as a child, but now they weren’t too bad.

“What if I get asked a question?” Mark asked. “I don’t know anything about movies or actors!”

“Relax, i lie when I don’t know stuff. It’s fun.” You smile.

“It’s easy for you, you’re an actress. Wait, what if someone asks who I am to you? Don’t you have to talk to your manager or someone important before you say something?” Mark was too busy stressing while you were busy thinking how you were going to celebrate even if you didn’t win.

“Tell them the truth. You’re my husband, is that a bad thing?”

Being married wasn’t a bad thing, especially if you were his wife, mark thought. He would marry you everyday of his life if he could.

“I’ll scream it from the highest rooftop if I have to.” He kissed you.

After giving the cashier his last fifty dollars for the suit, Mark drove you to the Beverly Hills Hotel where your manager and makeup team were. He had never stepped foot in such a fancy hotel like the Beverly Hills before, sure he was in Cesars palace not too long ago, but the Beverly Hills was an upgrade.

You eventually made it to your room and entered the suite. Again, Mark was amazed by every little thing from the painting on the wall to the fluffy pillows. You honestly found it adorable.

“Where have you been?” Your makeup artist, Alexander, asked you.

“It’s a long story. Alex meet Mark, Mark meet Alex. There, we’re all good on introductions for now.” You smiled as you sat in the makeup chair.

“Where did you find him?” Alexander questioned as he got started on your makeup.

“Vegas. He’s Australian and he’s technically my husband. I’m Mrs. L/n-Webber.” You stated confidently. You were living up to the title now.

“What!?” Mark stood beside your chair not knowing if Alexander hated him or not. He wished he was anywhere else.

“Relax, we won’t say anything about it to the press.”

And that was the biggest lie. Well, sort of.

By the end of the night, Mark was introduced to most of the biggest faces in Hollywood. He got to walk the red carpet and posed for pictures with you. He also got to witness you win your first academy award where you publicly declared your love for him.

“Lastly, I want to thank Mark. These past few hours have been the craziest, but I wouldn’t change a thing.” You spoke into the microphone as you held your golden statue in your hands.

Mark was seated beside your manager, Henry, who was thankful the night was almost over. Little did Mark know that his friends had been watching the ceremony in their Vegas hotel room. Some of them were still drinking while others wondered how Mark even got an academy award winner to marry him.

The Australian smiled as you left the stage. This was certainly an interesting night that nobody would forget and nobody did. You and Mark stayed married. While Mark raced all over the world, you worked on numerous films and won awards. During the summer of 1969, you gave birth to your first child, a girl named Diana. Then four years later, your baby boy was born. Little Michael Webber, a spitting image of his father. You were in love with your little family even if it all started with a wild night in Vegas. You wouldn’t change any of it.

[clockwayswrites]

Et Tu?

“Et tu, Brute?” Tim gasped, hand splayed over his chest as he swayed in his seat— perilously close to falling off it.

Duke just snorted. “I am so not Brutus here. No way. I am no where near stabby enough to be the Brutus of this family.”

Tim motioned, like the dramatic little bitch he was, at the stack of Draw 4s on the center pile.

“Man, I was not going to draw that! That’s like, twenty—”

“Twenty-four,” Cass corrected.

“—twenty-four cards. Not my fault you don’t have none.” Duke finished, crossing his arms.

“I had one,” Tim groused. “I just didn’t have two! But no. You, Brutus—”

“Still not the Brutus.” Duke said and rolled his yes. “Damian is a hundred percent the Brutus of the family.”

All of the siblings stopped to consider that, looking at Damian who just scowled back at them from behind his very large hand of Uno cards. It was oddly intimidating, or maybe that’s just how Duke felt. Dick looked close to cooing.

“…Damian did start the Draw 4 war too,” Dick pointed out after a beat.

“Et tu, Brute?” Tim gasped, playing his performance out again but this time directed at Damian.

“Tt. It was a strategic move; you have too few cards. Besides, it is only just for you being so certain you might win.” Damian said. Which was a bratty way to say it, sure, but Duke had to admit the little demon dude was right.

“Ah,” Jason started to grin that made Duke want to scoot his chair back. What he didn’t expect, as Jason folded his cards, was for the other to lean into his Crime Alley accent heavily as he adopted an obviously theatrical air. He motioned from Damian to Tim to the cards. “The noble Brutus hath told you Caesar was ambitious: If it were so, it was a grievous fault, and grievously hath Caesar answer’d it.”

“Oh no,” Dick said, softly horrified.

Jason leaned forward over the table as he moved to stand. “Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest— for Brutus is an honourable man.”

“You got him started on Shakespeare.”

“So are they all, all honourable men—” Jason swept his hand, motioning at all of them and then placed a closed fist on his chest. “Come I to speak in Caesar’s funeral.”

“What did you do, Tim?”

Tim, for his part, looked honestly distressed as Jason flung an arm over his shoulder and pulled him close.

“He was my friend, faithful and just to me!” Jason lamented, looking for the world as if he had just been crying.

Duke was admittedly impressed by the act.

Tim whispered, under Jason’s next line, “I’m so, so sorry.”

[the-east-art]

tag 10 people you want to get to know better (I started a new post cuz the other one was long haha)

I was tagged by: @geckosquid

Relationship status: In a relationship :3c

Favorite color: blue

Favorite food: Caesar Salad or my twins spicy Mac and Cheese

Song currently stuck in my head: The Kids Aren't Alright (my friend watched FOB in concert the other day and this was their 8ball song)

Last thing I Googled: Tales of Xillia 2 protag name

Time: 11:19 AM

Dream trip: I'm a basic bitch so Japan, but also I'd like to go to like the Great Lakes, Washington, New Zealand, or Alaska

Something I want: A ceramic wheel

People I’m tagging: @vidramon @stuckinthewrongworld @i-can-kazoo @inkycorvid @mewi-or-lara @subtleshenanigans @sanitys-rebellion @mewnia @yasmeensh @marenwithanm

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

julius caesar but i've never watched it

...either the play or the actual man. I am not a time-travelling voyeur. Why does that give Doctor Who vibes? I haven't watched that either.

Anyway, happy Ides of March, tumblr. I am about as enthusiastic about the celebration as Neil Gaiman is, but here we are. Doing what I do worst, making a summary of things I have no authority to summarise... WAHOO LET'S GO. Whatever it is I know about the play:

Caesar was vibing sometime around the '40s. 0040s, not 1940s.

He has a wife named Calpurnia. A maggot wants to be her because and I quote 'no one ever listens to me either'.

She tells him not to go to some kind of coronation or speech or something on the Ides. He's like nah wifey 'sall gucci.

I regret saying that sentence. As did Caesar, because he went and got stabbed in 44. Spoiler alert.

People ship Mark Antony with Caesar but some ship Brutus and Caesar. *youtuber voice* Comment below with your favourite ship.

Don't do it I don't want to know. Anyway, he's also married to Cleopatra, who is killed by snake venom that may not have been snake venom or something.

Idk they were cute. They had a kid that ran away and Asterix and Obelix had to take care of him. Caesarian?

WAIT IS A C-SECTION CALLED A CAESARIAN BECAUSE YOU CUT IT OPEN AND CAESAR WAS STABBED? WHAT?

There is a soothsayer. He tries to soothwarn Caesar.

Caesar does not soothlisten. Caesar is a lil bitch.

On the Ides of March, Caesar goes up to the soothsayer who is lurking on the steps of the maybe-coronation place. He soothsays The Ides of March are come!

The soothsayer soothsighs and soothsays Aye, Caesar, but not gone.

The senators, otherwise known as the soothslayers, have been plotting for a while. Brutus is a very dear friend of Caesar. He thinks Caesar slays.

But the other senators convince him this is what's best for Rome. So he thinks Caesar should be slayed.

So now the soothslayers at the maybe-coronation gather around Caesar and start stabbing him. Et tu, Brute? and all that (though I remember something about that phrase not meaning the same thing as it does in popular context...).

The soothslayers are a bit extra. Like bro. One stab to the heart would have soothsufficed.

Anyway, Caesar is soothslayed like the soothsayer soothsaid.

There is a funeral thing. The People of Rome are cranky.

A maggot once said Moots, maggots, countrymen! and it lives rent-free in my head.

Anyway what Mark Antony actually says is a whole ass speech. FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN, LEND ME YOUR EARS. I COME TO BURY CAESAR, NOT TO PRAISE HIM! THE EVIL THAT MEN DO LIVES AFTER THEM, THE GOOD IS INTERR'D WITH THEIR BONES (I THINK I HAVEN'T HEARD THE SPEECH IN A WHILE OK) SO LET IT BE WITH CAESAR.

So he gives the soothspeech and everyone is emotional. IF YOU HAVE TEARS, PREPARE TO SHED THEM NOW. Damn bro. It's like playing villain music just as the camera focuses on the villain.

Anyway then there is a lot of chaos and blah blah blah Mark Antony does some stuff Caesar's adoptive son Octavian does some stuff.

There's some bloke named Augustus who may or may not be Octavian (if he was sorry for the deadname Auggy my bad).

Brutus is killed? Or he kills Mark Antony? One of them die.

They were totally not fighting over who was a better lover to Caesar.

Roman Republic gone byebye as I say to Roxie. Roman Empire starts. The end.

Er.

That was a thing. I rather like summarising my homeboy Shakespeare haven't read him in a while and I only read his comedies. Maybe I should do more in honour of the Globe Theatre Maggots.

Happy Ides. Please don't soothslay me. I've been a good Maggot Prince to you, haven't I?

*runs just in soothcase*

[3niqma]

𝐭𝐢 𝐩𝐢𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐥𝐨 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨? 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞.

-` 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨 ´- -` 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 ´-

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠; 𝐣𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐡 𝐣𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐜𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐚𝐫 𝐳𝐞𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐥𝐢. ⋆｡𖦹 °✩

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐝𝐧𝐢! 𝟏𝟖+. ִ ࣪𖤐

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲; 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐚 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭.

“i think that we’re done here for today; you did very well. you’re making very quick progress.” your hamon coach, lisa lisa spoke. you have been training one on one with her, starting at 5 in the morning and ending just now at 10 am. you knew that caesar had finished his training right before you as you crossed paths on your way outside, him sending you a quick “good luck, signorina.” before he went inside, presumably immediately collapsing on his bed the minute he set foot in his room.

you were tired, but you felt a wave of pride wash over you when you heard your coach say those words to you. you have an immense amount of respect for her; she always inspires and motivates you to do better. your lips curled up into a smile, still recovering from your intense training and slightly out of breath.

“thank you, coach.” you say, taking a sip of water from the glass that stood on the table nearby. she lit a cigarette and puffed out the smoke.

“you’re free today, so do as you please.” she said as she took another drag from her cigarette. you gave her a quick nod and a quick “thank you!” as you walked off to your room, desperate for some shut-eye, and a shower. you had never taken so much time walking up a set of stairs before, but you were on the edge of collapsing.

upon entering your room, you took a good look at your bed. you were very close to just saying “fuck it.” and just get into bed immediately, but the layer of sweat on your body ultimately made you decide against it. you let out a frustrated groan and dragged your ass to the bathroom, peeled off your clothes, and hopped in the shower.

you relaxed under the warm water, all the tension releasing from your aching muscles. you were so sleepy that you had to slap yourself a few times across the face to stay awake. but somehow you managed to get out of the shower without slipping or falling asleep. you got out, dried yourself off, put some fresh loungewear on, applied face moisturizer and some deodorant, dried your hair, and decided not to style it, as you weren’t planning on going anywhere today.

if your coach gives you a day off, you better make full use of it. she really wasn’t prone to giving them a lot.

just as you were planning to wrap yourself in your sheets and drift off to dreamland, the sound of faint voices filled the room. the source of the noise came from outside. wondering what was going on, you got up and walked towards your window, which was slightly opened to let some fresh air in. once there, you fully opened the window, looking down to see the source of the noise. he was currently panting, hands placed on his knees as he was hunched over. he was in the middle of his one on one training session with his coach, and it appeared that she was not going easy on her trainee.

there stood joseph joestar, your (idiot) boyfriend. his hair was messy, the skin of his stomach that was exposed from his crop top was covered in a thin layer of sweat, his cheeks were flushed, and he was breathing heavily. it was truly a sight to behold.

your mind started to wander at the sight of him. it’s like he was sculpted by the gods themselves, standing at a whopping 6’5, broad muscular frame and a chiseled face. anyone who would encounter him would no doubt piss their pants.

don’t let those features fool you, tho; he’s actually just a big klutz. he’s adorable really—he loves to cuddle, tell stupid jokes, and will always want to impress you. he’s really a ride or die bitch.

but, aside from the fact that he’s really cute, he’s also an incredible lay. you can’t get enough of him, and he can’t get enough of you either. considering the fact that you two don’t live alone on air supplena island of course fucking is not an everyday affair. but he’ll take every chance he gets to either stuff his fingers deep inside of you or have you clench around his cock.

as you stand there, daydreaming about his cock for another 10 minutes, you accept the fact that you aren’t going to catch sleep anytime soon. you were craving something else.

leaving the window slightly opened, you return to bed, your sex throbbing with need. you immediately got to work, one hand stroking over your slit, collecting your dripping arousal. the other taking a hold of your breast, pinching your nipple between your index finger and your thumb, letting out a soft hiss at the sensation.

you insert two fingers without any trouble, starting to slowly pump in and out. you imagine it being joseph’s long skilled fingers, as he warms you up for his cock like he always did while whispering all the things he planned on doing to you in your ear. he was well endowed, to say the least, always needing some kind of preparation before he penetrated you. the stretch you always felt when he entered was addicting.

unbeknownst to you, joseph had just been done with his training. not really tho, suzie q had asked lisa lisa if she’d be interested in going shopping with her. for some magical reason, she agreed to join her, so joseph just happened to be in luck for now. considering he only had 1 hour’s worth of training, as opposed to the 5 hours you faced, he was feeling just fine. he was on his way to ask you if you wanted to grab some breakfast with him, hands stuffed in his pockets.

as he stood in front of your door, just about to barge in, he heard the faint sound of your voice coming from inside. wondering what you were up to, he was seconds away from turning the handle until he suddenly heard his name combined with a strangled moan. oh god, you were masturbating, and with him in mind no less. he felt blood traveling with lightning speed towards his cock, straining his pants painfully. he quickly placed his ear against the door so he could hear you better.

he was conflicted; it was quite an invasion of your privacy to stand here and eavesdrop, but the sounds you were making were simply divine; he couldn’t get enough. he decided to take it a step further and, as quietly as possible, open the door just enough for him to see you.

he almost came right there and then; the sight of you was intoxicating to him. your legs spread open, one of your hands desperately groping your breast and the other furiously pumping in and out of you. your face flushed, your eyes squeezed shut, and your lips slightly parted as you let out little moans and whimpers, that included his name as well.

in an instant, his hand flew to his pants, undoing his belt and unzipping them. relief washed over him as his cock finally had some more room. he palmed himself through his boxers, watching you come undone before him. he had to bite his lip to not let any sound escape him.

as you were getting closer and closer to your release, you suddenly heard the creaking of your door, making you open your eyes, head moving towards the source of the sound.

there stood your boyfriend, palming himself in your doorway, his eyes wide as he realized that he had been caught. you felt insanely embarrassed, how long had he been watching you? your face reddened even more, your eyes widening in realization that he must’ve been standing there for a few minutes at worst.

“joseph, what the fuck?!” you yelled, quickly withdrawing your hand from your underwear, grabbing a pillow that laid next to you chucked it at him. joseph was equally as red. not retrieving his hand quick enough, the pillow smushed right against his face.

“i-i’m sorry, love. i didn’t mean to be rude.” he stammered. was he really sorry? not really; he loved watching you get yourself off, and he just realized it.

“ugh, whatever, you perv.” you answered, secretly finding the whole situation incredibly sexy. your boyfriend getting himself off at the sight of you doing the same. with his ego being stroked by the way you called his name, joseph quickly pulled up and buckled his pants. his lips curled up slightly.

“i just couldn’t help it; you were so incredibly sexy like that. i just had to savor it for myself.” he grinned, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. that damned shit-eating grin of his, drove you insane. he looked so, so hot in this moment. however, you didn’t want to grant him the pleasure of indulging in you, just yet.

feeling mischievous, you walked towards him, your neck tilted backwards to look him right in the eyes. your eyes then traveled down, focusing on the clear outline of his cock through his jeans. you took a hold of him, squeezing softly, which earned you a loud groan from the joestar.

you innocently looked back up at him, seeing his bottom lip tucked between his teeth and a few drops of sweat resting on his cheeks. you stood on your tiptoes, placing a soft kiss on his plump lips.

“good luck with that, love.” you said, withdrawing your hand from his cock as you shoved him out your doorway, closing the door behind you. joseph stood there, bewildered and highly sexually frustrated. he was craving you so badly right now, but he also understood that you might still be a little bit mad at him for what he pulled on you. he let out a deep sigh, dragging himself to his room on the other side of the hallway, planning on quickly relieving himself, and then thinking about how to make it up to you.

you, on the other hand, were in deep thought about some sweet revenge on your mannerless boyfriend. no sex for a week? no, that’d be cruel to yourself as well. what about not letting him cum for a week? hm, not quite.

you were pondering until a thought popped into your head that would make a perfect revenge but also caused your pussy to throb. perfect! this was going to be fun. you only needed to convince.. one other party for this.

you fixed yourself up, made your hair look presentable and applied some mascara. you quickly made your way out of your room, speeding towards the other side of the building. you reached your destination quickly, lifting your hand to knock on the door in front of you. your heart racing with excitement.

you heard a pair of footsteps approach the door, biting your lip in anticipation. a few seconds later, you heard the handle being turned down, opening the door. you were met with the sight of the figure in front of you sporting slightly messy hair, wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants, and a headband tied around his head.

“good morning, bellezza. to what do i owe the pleasure of you knocking on my door?”

──★ ˙🍓 ̟ !!

a/n; this shit was so long, i had to split it up into multiple parts. part two tomorrow! leave me your feedback, it’s very much appreciated ;)

finished on 13-07-‘23, 11:15 pm, cet.

love, 3niqma.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

i lied, i can't stop thinking about this. disclaimer that i don't know aaaanyyyyythiiiiiing about shakespeare, i am just an idiot with feelings and a blog. hamlet makes sense to me most completely as a play about death. all the tragedies end in death, but hamlet begins in death - not just the aftermath of the murder, but the literal apparition of a ghost haunting elsinore (ghosts being, of course, one form of undeath). even before the revelation of the extent of claudius's betrayal, hamlet cannot forgive his uncle for assuming the throne, nor can he forgive his mother - a woman whose permissible paths in life all end in her marrying a man in power - for forgetting his father so easily. he cannot accept his father's death as a thing to be mourned and moved on from. it is an unassimilable catastrophe in his life. when he speaks of his father he describes him in larger than life terms: he gives him the attributes of gods and conquerors, figures out of myth or out of history so distant and so grand it has become legend. he accepts the duty of revenge laid on him by the ghost, but then spends most of the rest of the play pretending to act like a crazy person to hide the fact that he's running around like a crazy person and staging plays about pretend fratricide and killing the wrong person instead of just stabbing his stupid uncle once and for all. and the thing is i think this works whether you think the ghost is real or not or somewhere in between: to me his actions look like the actions of someone who very badly doesn't want something to be true. he doesn't really want to avenge his murdering incestuous uncle, because if he does - if the ghost was real, if the ghost was right, if hamlet closes the story - that means his father is really dead. and if his father is really dead, then anyone could die. even him. which is fucked up for hamlet, because he is very afraid of death. that's the payoff of the to be or not to be speech: life's a bitch, but death is worse - death must be worse, because why else would anyone ever choose to stay alive? if death itself is not to be feared, why would anyone avoid its embrace to linger in this world where your uncle can marry your mother after killing your father and you just have to live with that, forever - you just have to carry that always, even if you get your vengeance, even if you take him out. you take claudius out, your father's still gone. it's hard to imagine anything could be worse than that, but death must be, or else there would be no reason to survive it. the rejection of death and the rejection of life go hand in hand. you can't face death so you go around pretending to be mad and staging plays about pretend fratricides and you drive your girlfriend insane and your uncle is still out here getting away with it.

and then he meets up with his bro in the graveyard where they're getting ready to bury his dead girlfriend, who would maybe be alive if hamlet had just decided to be normal, and he sees all these bodies that once were people, and thinks about all the stuff they had that is nothing now. he sees the skull of someone he knew, someone who was alive and is properly gone, not a ghost but a memory; he touches death, really sees it, for the first time. he thinks about the fact that alexander, who was a king & a conqueror, a figure out of legend, also died; that in death he became dust, became earth, became maybe a fucking bottle-stop because that's what the living do with the earth. alexander, and caesar too, men like his father. men who were kings, conquerors, almost like gods, and now nothing, which is to say, in the end they were men like any other man. you can rule the world and you'll still wind up in the same place as poor yorick, a fucking jester. and hamlet is not handling this well, because this is not a play about a person who handles things well; it's a tragedy. it's a tragedy and the best that can be hoped for is that, once hamlet has looked death literally in its fleshless face, finally it becomes real to him; finally he can hide no more, and he drops his bullshit long enough to set in motion the chain of events leading to his destiny, which is both to avenge his father and to die, because his father's death and his own death were always one and the same: it was always just the end of the world that looked untouchable. it was always too late for hamlet, once his father was gone. but it feels significant, to me, that when he thinks about alexander becoming dust, becoming earth, becoming loam, he takes it to the place of becoming something people use. the one who ruled returns to serve. alexander who wept because he owned all the world belongs to humanity again. he separated himself from the world but the world always takes us back. and the other thing about the graveyard scene is: it's ophelia's grave they're digging, ophelia who was ruined by grief as a result of hamlet's carelessness, his refusal to look squarely on at what he was doing. that's the other way that death becomes real to him: his cognitive dissonance has a body count now. it was always too late for hamlet, maybe, but it didn't have to be too late for ophelia. that was something he did. refusing to accept the fundamental truth of your own humanity comes with a cost other people have to pay.

uh. so i feel like it's obvious why i have been ruminating on hamlet on this, Dracula To Dust Day, but either to make myself sound slightly less insane or at the risk of really proving i've lost it: this is what the count did, right? he was a warlord, a conqueror; he was alexander who said i will not be dust, i will not return to the earth. i will not become matter which belongs to the soil, which can be harvested for human activity. instead i will take - and it's possible this wasn't exactly a choice; the book is ambiguous about how dracula became patient zero for vampirism, how much the feral hunger of other vampires is something he shares versus something he is able to control; it's possible that all he ever wanted was not to die, and he didn't know until he was lost exactly what that would require or what it would make him - but by the time we meet him, his un-life is: instead i will take the lives of others, to steal more life for myself. it makes him immortal, or almost; it makes him fearsome, powerful; and it makes him very alone. the book never gives a reason for why he lets jonathan live in his castle as long as he does; maybe stoker couldn't come up with a justification but knew he needed that arc, to set the stakes (pun not intended) of the horror properly. but you can read loneliness into it, for sure: his monstrous habits have severed him from human contact such that the best option remaining is to play with his food. which gives some extra weight, i think, to how much bram stoker's dracula (1897) really and truly is a story about how the real stake through the heart is the friends we made along the way. our heroes can't command the weather or the wolves; they can't fly, or shape shift, or turn to mist, or paralyze their enemies with their sight. and it's very clear, i think, in the book, that one person with all the garlic & communion wafers in the world couldn't take dracula down - it has to be a team effort. that's their superpower: not vampire allergens or van helsing's knowledge or quincey's guns or arthur's gold, but literally and quite simply the fact that they can work together. that they can communicate, that they can be in a small and strange community. that they can forge alliances, because they can be allies. which they can do because they're human. which dracula cannot do - i mean, if he had been able to tell one dude "pull this boat up over here" it would have been a whole different ballgame - because he is not.

which also, i mean, okay, in my heart quincey morris who has never in his life done anything but be perfect makes a miraculous recovery and lives to tell the tale of this and all his other globe-trotting gun-slinging horse-riding adventures - but this is also why someone does have to die, in the end of this particular book. this is why we can't have our heroes all face down the horror and come out unscathed. it would be cheating, a little bit. not always, but this time. at the end of a book about the unfathomable horror of a creature who lives by the theft of blood, you do kind of need the mathematical balance of a hero who dies in giving the gift of blood. i guess also maybe in a christian gothic horror novel you as a nineteenth century protestant need someone to wind up on the cross (was i too harsh on the kenneth branaugh hamlet all those years ago? - no, i don't think i was) - and wow, it's crazy to me that in six months of reading a book about loving god and drinking blood i've never once stopped to meditate on the transmutational overtones of this situation, but what are quincey's last words if not a variation on "this is my blood, which is given for you"? spilling on the snow so that mina can be redeemed. this is, like, no one ever accused nineteenth century protestant novelists of being subtle, god bless their tender hearts. but, but, okay and - and points were made, i think, beyond the god-architecture of it all. points like: a life given is a life lived. a life ungiven, a life hoarded, a life spent in a castle on a hill, a life spent in a box viewing the world as the means to your unending end - is a life unlived. is an unlife. is a living death, and therefore a horror. and points like: dracula lived, half-lived, refused to die, for centuries, alone; quincey made it, what, not even thirty years - a handful of trips around the sun, by comparison, but he didn't spend those years alone, and he didn't die alone, either. in fact he died in pursuing the act that would disintegrate the forces that had been drawing mina away from the world: she notes in her narration she can cross the holy circle to go to him, and thus she can be with him in his final moment because of what he did. his death is a suturing, a great reconnection, because he died for how much he values life. (which is a lot, i mean, of all of them, he had the least cause to be there. he got wind that some weird shit was going down with his crush and his bros and he was all in.) because it goes the other way too, about how rejecting death is rejecting life: if you love life, like really love it, you're too busy living to worry much about dying. i mean, i wouldn't really know, i think about death all the fucking time, obviously, which is why i am not a laconic cowboy but a deranged blogger forever spitting nonsense into my metaphorical phonograph. but it's nice to consider, as something to aspire to. that maybe the goal is becoming the kind of person too preoccupied with navigating the eastern snows by an old friend en route to fight evil itself for the soul of a a woman i met a month ago to have much room to worry about much else. to be too busy living life to ruminate on its end.

in conclusion: wow i really can't believe that one of the most enduring and popular novels of the past century in a half is like good actually and contains themes and ideas that speak to readers generation beyond its author's death. please congratulate me on not quoting either t. s. eliot or rilo kiley in this post which i definitely almost did.

[tricornonthecob]

So sleepy but we gotta start season 2

LK 121: Nyquil Sluttington

(pt1)(pt2)(pt3)(pt4)

These are the most dramatic trees since the opening to Fox and the Hound.

why is he going so fast??? What is he running from?

Also I see Caesar is in his gray era.

I wonder where the budget went.

Just Kayla. I feel like there's a child labor law that got sidestepped here.

oh my god he's talking to the horse. Secret Horse Girl, 10,000x over.

I don't understand why you're bitching about this, this is your favorite topic and you're literally galloping to get there.

Keeping up with the Sluttingtons

Still talking with the horse lol same though.

Well maybe if you hadn't wasted all that energy galloping...

"Quit yoinkin' the reins, my guy, sheesh."

oh my god James, he is already halting why must you yank so much.

lol he looks so offended.

GIT OFF MA LAWN

I just want to know how they told Kayla to play that line, because it is not very threatening and I assume it was meant to be sarcastic/threatening.

again with the yankity reins, for a horsegirl he has pretty bad eq.

Caesar is not having any of this.

this episode feels lowkey the LK fandom's Beast Boy/Terra moment, TT cartoon canon is bullshit, Raven/Beast Boy forever I will fight you, why do none of my ships end up canon.

I assume this is supposed to look good but I hate peas.

Is he at the kid's table or something, someone get this man an appropriately-sized chair he looks like he's sitting in one of these

that is... alot of money.

...what do you think, Sybil?? He's a journalist, do keep up.

"why?! >:( " Girl I can't with you.

Ooof hit him right in the self-consciousness, guess which writer's room finally got to flesh out some character development?

"You come into my house and do journalism???"

Girl why are you so angy.

The writer's room is trying to hit an enemies-to-lovers speedrun record with this episode and I am not here for it.

Is that his wife or just another kid. Who was she.

"...is too old for you and also gross please stop."

goddamn this is the episode of NOTPs, what next, Henri and A Stable Work Schedule?

[feyinvestigations]

JULIUS CAESAR?

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JULIUS CAESAR GOD DAMN FOOL SALES TAX COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING JULIUS CAESAR

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT JULIUS CAESAR I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DID HE RUIN THE CALENDAR WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST HAIRLINE GET AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said julius caesar is waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

if i have to deal with julius caesar speaking one word in print in a history textbook as a primary source not only will i close the book i will destroy my bookmark out of spite and have to reread the entire text for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive

i dont even know why i hate him so much. he gets no bitches but i am just mad because i am angy

he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of Catan and wanted the irl version ill go ham

BETTER have had a best friend kill him cuz if he didnt Im going to make him

paypal.com/IFuckingHateJuliusCaesar

historical texts not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be him burning down the library of Alexanria and I lost it

where the fuck is julius caesar if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt

crusty old man

ill punch caesar and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final scroll he kept on him at all times simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient greek

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point

i hope theres a date given for when julius died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone

everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true journals

[leucoratia]

My take on JJBA characters’ sexuality (Part 1)

These headcanons are livng in my head rent free anyone feel free to disagree

Includes :Jojos, Jobros and jovillains from part 1 to 3

Part 2 here with part 4 to 5

Please enjoy.

TW: mentions of sex and male masturbation, swearing, not proofred we die like men

PART 1: PHANTOM BLOOD

Jonathan Joestar: Repressed Bisexual/Biromantic

Just. Yes. My man was born in the fucking 19th century what did you expect. Desperately tries to convince himself that he is very much heterosexual and that pussy is the only thing he likes. Unfortunately Dio exists. And Speedwagon. And maybe Blueford- 

DIO Brando: Pansexual/Panromantic

I examine canon and elevate it to a higher plane. See: Pucci. Dio fucked this one through and thorough and he very much gives me nonbinary vibes. I’m also convinced his castle in part 1 was just a giant sex dungeon.

 I raise you: DIO does not give a rat’s ass about gender he just wants to shag. He’s interested in ALL boobs. Inclusivity bitch.

Robert.O. Speedwagon: Straight

I won’t elaborate he’s just fucking straight man.

(A/N: after an enlightening discussion in the comments, I am requalifiying Speedwagon my boy as GAY AS FUCK. Apologies to Jonawagon shippers I did not see the light, but I repent. Keeping the initial headcanon as a memento, but here. Change and growth is real folks).

PART 2: BATTLE TENDENCY

Joseph Joestar: Bi-curious

Also works for oldseph. He’s actually bisexual but identifies himself as bicurious so we will respect my man’s labels. Slay. Joseph likes men and women and is unaware of the existence of other genders. Don’t worry he learns. 

Caesar is def the one who made him realize that he might like men. Or maybe...one man....rest in rocks Ceasarino

Caesar Zeppeli: Male-leaning bisexual/homoromantic

We all know Caesar fucks hard. But if gay marriage was legal in 1940 you bet this man would have an italian husband named fucking Luigi or shit and twelve foster kids. He’ll eat pussy sure but the man course is always dick in Italy. He wanted that Joestarussy but rocks caught up to him :((

Suzie Q and Lisa-Lisa: lesbians

2 in 1 post because I make the rules. They like WOMEN and only got married bcs they’re either repressed (Suzie) or were really just bored (Lisa-Lisa). Anyways slay.

The Pillarmen: GAY

All three (4 if you count Santana but I forgot about him and am too lazy to re-edit the pic) love MEN. Kars is the king of pillar gays bcs seriously he massacred his entire race and only let men survive instead of perpetuating the species with pillarwomen. Hence he’s officially gay as FUCK and gay married with Esidisi.

PART 3: STARDUST CRUSADERS

Jotaro Kujo: aro/ace

Ik I ship Jotakak but in my personnal little brain Jotaro is AROACE. This man is immune to the matters of the flesh and generally puzzled by human interraction so I don’t expect him to be interested in romance ever. Wdym he has a wife and daughter? Compulsory heterosexuality!! He wanted a calm and quiet life after the fucking trauma-inducing nightmare that was part 3 and thought that settling down was the way to go but uh. Sorry man. Didn’t work out.

I HC him as sex-indifferent bcs well. I mean I do have to integrate Jolyne in my canon so there. But yeah he would enjoy sex I think but wouln’t ever initiate. He’d just go with the flow. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t jack off enough to break both wrists tho. He hides the sex-drive in his hat.

Noriaki Kakyoin: gay

Listen. Listen. I know I enjoy all the Kakyoin MILFhunter memes immensely but look at him. He’s a twink. He likes men. I will simply erase this moment with Holly from my mind.

He’s a power gay though (I’m SO tired of ppl hc-ing kakyoin as pissy-baby uwu soft weak boy nah my man breaks BACKS and spits in yo mouth). Anyways yes Kakyoin is a refined homosex enjoyer. Prefers the rainbow flag because it fits his vibe better than the blue one.

Jean-Pierre Polnareff: female-leaning bisexual biromantic

Polnareff is cursed with bisexuality but gets absolutely NO GAME I’m sorry but it’s facts to me. He gets NO BITCHES, absolutely ZERO PLAY. He may be a flirt but no one wants him (Except Muhhamad-). Likes women more but will not pass on the opportunity to flirt with a cute guy. 

Muhammad Avdol: Demiromantic/demisexual gay

Muhammad does NOT hit me as the type to fall in love/feel sexual attraction out of the blue. He needs his time. Plus i don’t think he thinks about it all that often. Destiny will do the job yadayada. Only attracted to men though. Women work in ways too mysterious for him to handle. He would start to feel something after like. A year or two of knowing intimately the person (go Jean-Jean we believe in you-). This king will probably ask his tarot before making any moves tho (shhhh he just wants to be sure)

[aria-ashryver]

heyoooo it's ur friendly local biohazard, just having a quick health check in under the cut!

(don't listen to my lies when i say "quick", it's never quick haha)

look at me being all worried about being late to see my doctor when he's away on vacation anyway and I had to chat with a different oncologist lol

So! I haven't really done any ✨Kicking Caesar's Kneecaps✨ chats in a while, so this is me just checking in!

So far my chemo journey has gone

3 months of weekly chemotherapy and hormone antibody treatments

1 month off (bc of peripheral neuropathy damage)

restarting the chemo regime at a 25% lower dose, with the expectation that I'll be needing an additional 3 months (today would mark one month since I restarted!)

BUT HEYYYY guess who has two thumbs that don't work anymore and an increased sensitivity to peripheral neuropathy!!!

(dark humour is dark?)

ok, it's not quite that bad yet. Yet being the operative word unfortunately.

For those who don't know, chemotherapy can effect the peripheral nerves in your body -- for some people, this means damage to nerves in the hands/feet/wrists/arms that can sometimes be permanent.

Not everyone gets nerve damage, and some get it worse than others.

I just so happen to be one of those lucky chumps with sensitive nerves!! While the month long break from chemo certainly helped reduce the intensity, the nerve damage in my hands is definitely spreading again.

What was initially just a bit of numbness/tingliness in the tip of my right thumb has since progressed into;

constant numbness/tingling sensations in my right thumb down to the heel of my thumb

static sensations across both palms and all of my fingers (which fortunately comes and goes)

occasional shooting nerve pain up my right arm, all the way from palm to armpit

extreme nerve sensitivity when I bend both of my wrists

tendon pain in both hands if i overexert myself

which is all kinds of not fun! And also goes a ways to explain why it's so damn hard for me to write at the moment! lol.

The doctors have therefore made a decision to pause my chemo for another two weeks, which is good in the sense that they are hopeful the break will halt some of the progressing nerve damage, but also lowkey infuriating because I would really like to get off this goddamn ride, you know?

Depending on how things go, my treatment plan might need to be changed again, so that I am getting less chemotherapy every week over a long period of weeks

which, like... 😑🙃🙃🙃🙃

...i just wanna be done with this, you know??

in happier news, all the other symptoms are calming down a little bit -- I haven't needed any anti-nausea meds in a few weeks, I'm not getting as many nosebleeds, the muscle pain and spasms seem to have stopped, I'm a little less fatigued -- there's still a whole host of shit going wrong, don't get me wrong, chemo still absolutely SUCKS ASS, but I'm really grateful that I've been able to get a decent nights sleep for the first time in months this past week 🥰💖

I also needed to get some urgent scans last week (I had some weird symptoms I'd never seen before and they were worried about potential fluid retention in my heart -- heart damage is the other big-concerning-possibly-permanent-damage thing chemo can bring about), but as it turns out, my body was just being a little bitch and my heart scans look good!!

i guess the tl;dr of this whole thing is just chemo blows and my hands are broken, but my heart isn't which is great, my sprit isn't, which is also great, and overall I'm feeling a hell of a lot better this week, despite being annoyed at the fact that I might have to do chemo for longer than i expected

here, have a sign I happened across on my walk to get a blood test yesterday. fitting, no?

if you are here reading this, i'm wishing you light and joy and love 🌻

[alyosiuscreightonward]

Dear Diary. Talk about people who actually suck.

Recently my late husband’s dog passed away at 14 years old.

So…His kidneys shut down and he was sneezing and urinating blood all over the house. Plus he was 14 years old. It happened in a matter of days. I first thought he had lost another tooth and I went on about our lives. Then he just started to decline. He wandered around the house, just staring out and pee blood. Which leads him to start sneezing blood. I waited a day and told Childzillah we had to make that informed decision…

That’s what happened. I texted my dad on Father’s Day and wished him a happy Father’s Day but I was in a bad situation but I didn’t get into it with him.

Of course my sister had gotten those aforementioned texts just to shut the fuck up about it and leave me to grieve his passing. BUT NO!!!

My baby, my life, my heart, Harrowgate Broadchurch Cunningham Rogers has lost his pack. First was, The Emperor of Quail Village, Augustus Caesar Cunningham Rogers; he passed away due to neurological damage, he was 6 years old. Then there was, His Holiness, The Brother Levi Reddy Gudipally, he was 21. Now, CoCo Monaco Veronica Louise Ciccone Penn Ritchie Corleone The Third. However in between all this bullshit, my husband had passed away.

It was a trigger for me and I was dealing with it as best as I could. It reminded me of the days of yore when I had 8 friends die before I was 30 because of complications from AIDS/HIV. Okay. Not a fucking great time in my life. Granted my idiot sister wouldn’t fucking understand that pain since she’s 7 minutes younger than me and she’s constantly saying fucking shit like, “I’m the baby, gotta love me!!” Bitch. Please. Go ahead and have your Walmart Temper Tantrum elsewhere. No Sale here. I’m not feeding into it. “He’s picking on me!!” Fucking twat. Change your own fucking diaper.

As of this writing, I had every intention of calling my dad and telling him what happened BUT NO!!!

My sister fucking ratted me out. She put me on Front Street. She put that landfill on my dad’s property. Thanks a lot for that you stupid fucking idiot. “I’m SO going to TELL!!!”

I’ve been working on myself for years and now I’m dealing with shit better than before and the Lexipro is helping me not to feed into other people’s bull-fucking-shit. I’m of the mindset that if you tell me something, I believe in the sanctity of the confession and what you tell me, I’ll deny everything. “My name is Oliver North and I have no record collection of that memory.” I loathe telling folks that I’m dealing with my own bipolar depression, manic episodes of hypomania and suicidal ideations. I’m making progress. It’s a moment by moment thing.

Regardless of my rant, my sister will never understand how much she hurt me, again.

She’ll then claim I’m being so secretive about my life. Motherfucker, if I am able to tell you, then I would tell you and not put it in The National Enquirer or on TMZ. Nacho Bizness. Nunya Bizness. Not your story to tell. I have therapists who I confide in and not my family. They have a tendency to throw it up back in my face because they can and they will.

The love for my family is real and not just conditional. However I know that they don’t like me as a person because I’ve done shit and I’m not going to judge them but I’m going to say very clearly, that my dachshund and I WILL talk shit about them, but I’m not going to tell the world what I think because I’m irrelevant.

CoCo is going to rest in power but I will talk shit about him and not you.

Now you see why I stay over here and mind my business and I make every effort to keep myself out of your life and business. If you want me to tell you all about yourself, there’s going to be tears and they won’t be my tears. Trust and believe. I’m sure that you are not ready for my verbal and emotional abuse. I’m very good at it. My tongue is so sharp that it can and will clip the hedges. I’m going to annihilate you into a puddle of tears. Though this requires some effort on my part and I didn’t schedule that today but now, I’m going to tell her, that she can speculate about it since I’m not going to say shit to her.

Yeah I know that my dad worries about me but if it’s my shit then let me deal with my shit and don’t interject yourself in my business.

[hellboundhimbo]

a tad late but QUEER JOJO HCS FOR PRIDE MONTH !!

phantom blood

jonathan joestar: bi and trans, and while yes i know historically it is impossible for him to medically transition shut the fuck up it’s MY mental illness and I get to choose the coping mechanism

erina pendleton-joestar: cishet but the best goddamn ally you will ever meet in your goddamn life. she will punt a bigot with nothing but sheer force of will and love for her husband and his bf

robert e o speedwagon: canonically gay but as a proud member of the gay agenda i raise you trans speedwagon, and t4t jonawagon on top of that

baron zeppeli: cishet ally. however, he does have a bone to pick with jonathan’s taste in men at first

dio brando: was gonna wait until part 3 to include him but whatever

canonically bi ! we do not claim him however he is a horrible horrible vampire man but also i love him

battle tendency

joseph joestar: bi !! trans most of the jojos are trans fuck you

caesar zeppeli: gay. i could go on a long winded rant about why i have this hc but i won’t bc it would take Forever. am willing to make a seperate post about it tho.

suzi q: this is gonna sound weird but she gives the vibe of being Totally Heterosexual at first but the more she hangs around joseph and caesar (read also: her bf and his bf) she starts to realize “wait shit wanting to kiss girls isn’t normal”

maybe it’s the ditzy vibe she has but i could see it

lisa lisa: another ally!! she loves her bi son :]

the pillar men are not confined by gender nor any label. they simply Be and that’s valid.

also the idea of someone as self righteous as kars even briefly entertaining the thought of confining himself to a label created by mere mortals is laughable

everyone else is either cishet just cuz i didn’t really get any sort of Vibe from them or they’re stroheim and burning in the fiery pits of hell

stardust crusaders

jotaro kujo: gay and trans

him being gay is canon because araki said so and him trans is canon because I said so. i know he’s closeted but i like to think he got to come out at some point

noriaki kakyoin: mmm either bi with a male lean or gay. probably goes by he/they. somewhere on the non binary spectrum they are boy but not Boy

jean pierre polnareff: bisexual and in desperate need of some bitches

muhammad avdol: gay and has basically been dating polnareff for the last 5 months, only problem is polnareff is Very Dense and Stupid

iggy: dog

hol horse: hes reoccurring so i feel obligated to include him. cishet and had a habit of making lowkey offensive jokes from a place of toxic masculinity before josuke entered the picture. it’ll definitely take him a second to remember what it means, but he will answer properly if you ask him his pronouns.

diamond is unbreakable

josuke higashikata: morioh’s resident gay guy. he/they and lowkey has demisexual vibes

okuyasu nijimura: i feel like okuyasu wouldn’t want to label himself. he’d think it was too complicated and unnecessary so he’s just like “well i’m not straight that’s for sure”

koichi hirose: either a trans het or a cis bisexual, maybe somewhere in between.

yukako yamagishi: very very scary ally. if you insult her boyfriend or his friends (slash boyfriends josuyasukoi rights) there will be several knives in your mattress tonight

rohan kishibe: gay. there is nothing heterosexual about rohan kishibe.

tonio trussardi: split between cishet ally or pan. on one hand, i am fully ready to accept the take that he just really loves his unnamed fiancé, but also i could see him being able to share his love and cooking with anyone.

kira is ultra bitchless

golden wind

giorno giovanna: giornos sexuality is an enigma to me, all i know is he is Not straight. i will die on the hill of non binary giorno.

bruno bucciarati: gay father of 5

leone abbachio: gay father of 4 for a hot fucking second before he warms up to giogio

pannacotta fugo: gay and trans ! he/it

narancia ghirga: non binary and demisexual ! no preference. he/they/it

guido mista: like bi or pan, though he doesn’t really give a shit about labels. chics are cool, but so are dudes.

trish una: trans fem bi ICON. her and mista are mlm/wlw solidarity but also they bully each other mercilessly

diavolo is cishet and i mean that in a derogatory sense

stone ocean

jolyne kujo: i went back and forth between lesbian and bi for jolyne initially, but honestly i think ive settled on bi with a preference for women. also trans fem thats very important.

ermes costello: professional woman enjoyer. maybe bi but i lean more towards lesbian

foo fighters: non binary !! literally couldn’t give less of a shit about labels but if someone asks they respond with pan

weather report: bi with a preference for women :]

narciso anasui: ok right off the bat i am a transmasc anasui truther first and a person second.. probably pan but i don’t think he’d really stick to a particular label, all i know is he isnt straight.

enrico pucci: im like 90% sure he’s canonically gay, but if not then he is most definitely gay.

have not finished sbr yet so will probably add more when I finish that + jojolion :]

[f1-giuki]

Okay, today’s update of your wonderful fic (I screamed when I noticed it updated) made me wonder: who is your favourite roman emperor? 👀

I’ll go first, mine’s ✨Nero✨ (and let’s ignore whatever it says about me)

Darling😭💖

I had a few Latin/ancient history teachers in high school who were super into Roman times gossip about the emperors and that made us see those people less like these important historical figures, but more like ✨crazy mfs✨, so I adore every stupid thing about them (like all the failed attempts at Claudius' life or the shit Agrippina pulled jsjsjsjsj), but my fave out of the bunch is Caesar, even if technically he wasn't actually an emperor.

I'm a basic bitch, I really like that bald petty bi dude I am named after (my parents were wild and farsighted jsjsjsjsjsjjs, hopefully not for the stabbing part) 👀

Nero might have been a problematic dude but he slayed, he's what Commodus wanted to be but failed miserably at💀

You have taste dear💅🏻