#i am incapable of choosing a single favorite

[doyoulikethis-vocaloid-song]

Who is a V-Synth you feel deserves more love? For me it's Amy! I think her voice is so pretty, but not many people use her, let alone for original songs

I haven't really been keeping up with all the different SynthV and CeVio voices and such, so while I'm sure there are a lot of really underrated gems there I'm not as familiar with them :( Vocaloid though... that's different, lol! I think Merli is one of the prettiest Vocalsynth designs I've ever seen and her voice is just as nice. I'm also a huge fan of Yumemi Nemu (I drew her a long time ago for a Vocaloid fanzine), LUMi, and the ZOLA PROJECT boys (who recently got new designs! Wil has always been my favorite, and he's so cute now <3)

There are a tooon of VSynths out there though, and I think all of them deserve the world :) It's a lot of work to get a nice voicebank together, after all haha! (<- has been trying and failing to make a UTAU voicebank)

[opinated-user]

About LO's take on racism in TOH fandom (pardon this subject is getting repetitive, I just wanted to give my own two cents about it while it's being talked about)... Is it just me or does LO have a very big tendency to project certain aspects of the fandom of any given piece of media onto the content itself? Let me try to clarify my point here;

Although I have noticed this with nearly every show LO talks about, I'll mostly keep my arguments to the Owl House situation for the sake of simplicity. So.

I will not deny that TOH fandom (and every fandom I have ever come across, really) has both a white favoritism and a racism problem. From some artists whitewashing the POC characters to people being a bit too quick to praise, defend, and demand redemptions for the white characters while rarely extending the same treatment to the non-white characters (I say that because I have witnessed multiple people single out every single POC character in the show BY NAME and say they are badly written), racism - both committed intentionally and on accident - has always been rampant in fandom in general.

The reason for this, as you have already said in previous asks, is that racism is a structural problem that is deeply ingrained in our society. And yet LO seems to be incapable (or most likely simply unwilling) to recognize that fact, and instead chooses to blame this problem directly on the show itself - most notably on Dana Terrace herself. So something that is an issue across the whole fandom is suddenly the fault of a single person who... Wrote Hunter in too many episodes, apparently.

I have seen people of color criticize The Owl House for having a white favoritism problem. And I do agree on that aspect (and even if I didn't, I don't believe I am in any position to do so, seeing as it despite what people on the USA might label me for my nationality, I am in fact white). The complaints about some of the non-white characters - notably Willow and Gus - being somewhat sidelined for the sake of either the plot or another characters' storylines are also a valid criticism. While I do not think this was intentional on the part of the writers, it's still an issue, and I won't argue against that.

The thing about it is, whenever LO complains about this problem, she herself sidelines the POC character's development and story lines in favor of spending more time ranting about Hunter's existence and how the writers (and Dana Terrace) are solely to blame for the fandom doing the exact same thing as she is doing.

Because as much as we all wish that we had more time to explore Willow, Gus, Darius, Raine and more of the cast in more detail, the fact of the matter is that their own stories are being ignored... By the same people arguing that their characters are being ignored.

Let me give some examples. When Through The Looking Glass Ruins came out, admittedly a big part of the fandom focused solely on the Lumity parts of the episode. LO, in turn, blamed Dana Terrace for letting Lumity overshadow Gus's story... When the Lumity bits were a B plot that only took a little bit more than a third of the episode, with the main story being dedicated to Gus's adventure in the graveyard and his newfound tentative friendship with Mattholomule. In all this time, I have never ONCE seen LO make even a single comment about Gus's story in his own damn episode, and instead she just rants about DT letting Luz and Amity overshadow him when this was never a problem of the episode itself, but of the fandom.

The same thing happened with both Any Sport in a Storm and Labyrinth Runners, which are both dedicated to developing Willow and Gus (respectively) alongside Hunter, and establishing a positive relationship between them. Willow and Gus are major characters in these episodes, with some light being shed in both of their inner conflicts and them having some compelling development in those episodes. But because one of the characters who's also the focus of the episodes is Hunter, she once again spends a huge amount of time complaining about his presence and how he overshadows Gus and Willow and forgets to... Talk... About... Gus and Willow.

Also I have seen her claim once again that Lumity overshadows Willow in ASiaS when again, it's a B plot that barely had half the time that it did in TtLGR? I don't know...

I do recognize that Willow and Gus deserved more focus, stories and episodes centered on them, but I also believe that it is not fair to place the blame of the actions of the fandom solely on DT's shoulders, especially considering the circumstances of the shortened third season and the absolutely petty meddling of the higher ups (if you've seen that one video that Alex Hirsch posted reading the S&P department's complaints you have a fraction of an idea of the bullshit these producers go through to get their ideas to even be accepted).

Does the Owl House have some white favoritism regarding Amity, Eda, Lilith and Hunter having a lot more screentime than most of the POC characters? I do believe so, but the fandom should also be held accountable for doing the exact same thing, and LO should also be held accountable for that and for pushing all of the blame onto someone that only should hold some.

I apologize for the absolutely massive rant here, I hope my points were coherent enough--

you were perfectly coherent, anon, and i feel like i have very little to add. to summarize: -racism is a systemic problem that it's not going to be fixed easily and it's absolutely present on fandom. -LO blames the creator of the show for things outside of her control. -LO much prefers to rant about hunter (even when talking about episodes where he is not there) than do any of the work she demands out of everyone else, therefore contributing even more to more white favoritism and let the POC characters get the short end of the stick.

[sounds-of-some-day]

1-5 for JLTWWD <3

Thank you so much for the ask! I do love to talk about my fic.

What inspired you to write the fic this way?

I'm not sure exactly what it means by "this way", but uh... Well, it is my first and only fic with a sort of stream-of-consciousness style of narration, so I'll talk about that. I actually started writing it with a more typical narration, and then I was editing it, and I wrote this line:

So last night Tony had made the completely rational decision to swear off men completely for the rest of his whole life, or at least, that’s what he had scrawled across the top of his nonlinear dynamics homework before drunkenly passing out in a puddle of his own drool – drool, definitely not tears, because he certainly wasn’t going to cry himself to sleep over that asshole Ty. Swearing off men. Completely. Forever.

And I just....really loved it. But it sort of changed the tone of the whole thing. So I went back and rewrote the entire first chapter to be more like that, and honestly, it's making writing a hell of a lot of fun. I am having a blast with it. I wish I were better able to replicate this vibe in other fics.

2. What scene did you first put down?

You know, I am one of these people that is incapable of writing things out of order, which is part of why I write so slow, because if I hit a roadblock it kinda brings everything to a screeching halt. So, the first thing I wrote was Tony standing outside the Howling Commando.

But the first scene I planned was actually the scene in the truck from the end of chapter four. (Though it came out very different than initially planned - but Rhodey was always going to be a cockblock, lol.)

3. What’s your favorite line of narration?

Gah...so I went back and reread it to answer this ask, and there is so much in this fic that I just really love. I think chapter four is the best, but chapter three has so many parts that just make me grin like an idiot when I reread them. I like Steve's musings in chapter two about what if he met Tony somewhere else, and of course, I fucking love the whole Malibu fantasy thing from chapter three. But if I had to choose one line it would be this one from chapter three:

There was nothing that he wanted more, in this moment, than for Steve to ravage him: with his lips, with his hands, with his tongue; kiss him, touch him, mark him, claim him, assure him that no one would ever treat him like those men had, ever again.

It was one of those lines that I thought people would really latch onto and then they didn't, but I think it's still my favorite. Also because, as we find out in chapter four, Steve is having these EXACT SAME thoughts at this exact same moment.

4. What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Okay, so I take a lot of pride in my dialogue and making it sound natural like something people might actually say, and there are a lot of conversations that I really love the flow of, like the first convo at the bar between Steve and Tony in chapter four when they're both trying to dance around figuring out if the other is interested (you know, because they're both idiots). But I honestly don't know if there's a single piece of dialogue that has, like, a wow factor. Maybe I need to get better at writing punchy dialogue. But I'll go with this line from Natasha:

“You still seem tense, so it couldn’t have been that good.”

5. What part was hardest to write?

Hmmm. Probably a toss up between the first convo between Steve and Natasha in chapter four and the pool scene in chapter four.

Writing the conversation was a process of writing and deleting and writing and deleting and writing and deleting again. I did manage to get all the pieces I wanted to get into that conversation into it. There's one part where I feel like it doesn't quite flow as well as I'd like, but I wanted to get that part in because I'm going to call back to it in a future chapter. But overall I'm okay with how it came out.

The pool scene...well, thanks to you, the pool scene made it into the fic, because it almost got cut entirely. I am ridiculously pleased with how that scene came out, but it was extremely challenging to get all the technical aspects in and still have it be sexy, which was the whole point of the scene in the first place. Also I spent WAY too much time watching videos of pool shots on youtube, lol.

Again, thanks for the ask!

If you want to send an ask about my fic, please do! Help me get my mind off of how much everything sucks right now.

[mcrizzystardust]

HEY what’s your favorite Pokémon :D

.... you know, when i left the same ask in your box first, i should have known you'd ask me the same, but alas, i somehow did not anticipate this 😭

so, um.

this is going to be a long post..

i have found that i am utterly incapable of choosing a single (or even 2. or 3. or 4.) favourite(s), so, to make this easier for all of us, im gonna tier rank all my favourite pokemon!!

S TIER:

impidimp, morgrem, goomy, gible, obstagoon, quaxly, quaxwell, quaquaval, gengar, clefable, golett, golurk, psyduck, sprigatito, floragato, meowscarada, toxtricity, sableye, gligar, zangoose, blacephelon, sobble, drizzile, mudkip, marshtomp, swampert, litten, torracat, pumpkaboo, chespin, noibat, slowpoke, sewaddle, swadloon, leavanny, krookedile, espeon, umbreon, sylveon, shinx, archen, sharpedo, kricketot, gallade, cacturne

A TIER:

maractus, noivern, scorbunny, raboot, cinderace, espurr, dratini, dragonair, dragonite, riolu, sliggoo, joltik, mimikyu, petilil, lilligant, tepig, pignite, politoed, spoink, grumpig, gastly, rockruff, cosmog, wartortle, breloom, scizor, mudsdale, mareep, starly, dreepy, smeargle, nihilego, oshawott, leafeon, yamper, corvisquire, victini, zorua, houndoor, scolipede, lurantis

B TIER:

litwick, lucario, goodra, toxel, gabite, garchomp, drakloak, dragapult, inteleon, lycanroc, marshadow, flapple, seviper, sandile, krokorok, squirtle, mudbray, flaaffy, popplio, brionne, primarina, pancham, vaporeon, piplup, boltund, buneary, lopunny, chimchar, kecleon, bidoof

C TIER:

teddiursa, spinda, cutiefly, ribombee, clefairy, grimmsnarl, vulpix, ninetails, emolga, haunter, incineroar, stufful, bewear, meowth, skiddo, wooper, octillery, bounsweet, jynx, yanmega, eelektrik, eelektross, ampharos, applin, eevee, jolteon, flareon, glaceon, shaymin

okay so!! explaining my tier s's:

impidimp is just. like, hes such a fucking menace, and he looks so stupid, and i can't help but love him with my entire heart. same for morgrem, my lil scene kid 🥺🫶

GOOMY GOOMY GOOMY GOOMERS GOOMA GOOMERT GOOMY GOOMY

gible is such an ipad kid, im dying on this hill

obstagoon is so silly!! look at him!!!!

quaxly, quaxwell and quaquaval are all drag kings and i love them so so so much and im HHHNNGNGHH /aff

gengar and clefable holding hands onfgcgjdj!!!

golett and golurk are my little babygirls. LOOK AT THEM.

psyduck is actually me. hes so autistic coded!!!! and just,,, look!!!!!!!

sprigatito, floragato, meowscarada: weed cat <3

toxtricity is my lil goofy boy!! my son!!!!

sableye is so 🥺🥺🥺

gligar sees right through my soul and for that i need to give him a lil smooch on his forehead

zangoose!!! need i say more???

BLACEPHELON BLACEPHELON BLACEPHELON

sobble is so me, like, yes i love to cry, now come give me a hug you little goober. and drizzile is so emo kid, that lil fucker is screaming along to hell above by ptv as we speak!!

mudkip, marshtomp, swampert are like. three of my favourite favourites!! like if i had to pick a starter, i would be fighting for my life trying to pick between mudkip and quaxly

litten, torracat: fire boyos 🥺🫶

pumpkaboo NEED I SAY MORE

my boyfriend is so chespin coded and i have to love chespin for that

noibat is so cute!! and definitely a 2021 alt girl!!! we stan!!!

slowpoke is one of my top pokemon tbh!!! hes so me

sewaddle, swadloon, leavanny NEED I SAY LITERALKY ANYTHING ELSE? also, swadloon is SO ME

krookedile is just such a vibe, hes just chilling, hes just hanging out!

espeon + umbreon, because thats me and @aaron-hamiltion :)

SYLVEON OUR TRANS ICON

shinx is so goddamn cute like i just know that fucker is out there scratching up my couch and i'd forgive them for it

archen is so @aaron-hamiltion

SHARPEDO SHARPEDO SHARPEDO

kricketot just feels so homey and comfortable, like i just wanna play my fiddle with them :))

gallade is so gender

cacturne: GENDER ENVYYY

[keenexpressions]

Nathan Nguyen

1. Name, Year, & Major

Nathan Nguyen, 4th Year, Cognitive Science (BS, Neurological Aspect)

2. If you were a luxury brand, what would it be and why?

If I were a luxury brand, I would be Adidas because I have a number of clothes from them (and I don’t really know what else to choose lol).

3. Who is your personal hero and why?

I don’t think I have any personal heroes, but rather a bunch of role models, of which I take various lessons from.

4. How do you react after a conflict occurs, and why?

If I am a part of any conflict that has just occurred, I might feel a little restless, frustrated, and petty. In such cases I am probably prone to yelling and feeling annoyed that said conflict had not ended yet (if it was still going). If I am a bystander, I am more likely to feel sympathetic to all who take/took part, and I would be there for both sides post-conflict (or one depending on circumstances).

5. If you were granted 3 wishes, what would it be?

If I could have three wishes granted (with the knowledge that they are not rigged in anyway), I would actually use all three for a single wish (should I need it even lol): a. Omnipotence - absolute power to control absolutely everything. With a single wish I could grant myself an infinite number of subsequent wishes in whatever way I want (hence the “all power” bit, which includes wish granting). No drawbacks that I would not be able to change, nothing I would not be able to undo, nothing I would be incapable of. b. If I cannot wish for such a thing, I would instead wish for money (a lot, maybe even infinite), “brainpower” to feel/be smarter, and to control how much sleep I get, need, etc.

6. What would you Google about your life?

I would Google how to improve my life (particular to me, per se, instead of general advice). If I cannot Google something that might not exist, I would not look up anything,as I wish to keep the mindset that my choices are my own as opposed to knowing when I die for instance.

7. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

I actually like very few things about myself, but the one aspect I can say I like about myself is my tenacity. When it comes to doing something I really want (ie: doing boss battles without taking any damage in video games or doing something in real life), I think the fact that I still ‘feel’ excitement, anger, motivation, etc. in correlation to these goals is good. To me, it means I am still alive and able to feel like I can do anything I set my mind on

8. What's your toxic trait?

I am without a doubt pretty lazy. I know there are things I need to work on and accomplish, but most of the time I ignore such tasks (ie: chores, homework, etc.) until either the last moment, or entirely (as in, I will not do them and suffer the consequences).

9. Would you visit the future or past?

I would rather visit the future as opposed to the past. This may be hypocritical when looking at my answer to Question 6, but if I go to the past, I could either change history dramatically, or die due to lack of modern medicine (if I go that far back). At least in the future, should there not be any world ending apocalypse, there would be more survivability (hopefully).

10. What are the biggest differences between you today/now and five years ago?

Looking back on how I was five years ago compared to how I am now, I would say I was happier back then. Five years ago (roughly), I was in Japan for an exchange program, and I went to Osaka for two weeks. This, I feel, was the prime of my life. I made many friends (up until that point), I went sightseeing, I was about to become a Senior in high school, and was, overall, energetic (as I was able to make it through a whole high school day on half an hour of sleep on top of getting mostly A’s). Compare that to now, where I am barely making it by with a 3.0 inspite of my dream to work in the medical field. Nowadays, I feel a bit empty to be honest. Sometimes I do things just to get it over with, or without really thinking about them. However, even if the “me” now is a bit doom and gloom, the one thing that has remained consistent between now and then is my inspirations. All the stories I experience through anime and manga, all of the excitement I feel when playing video games, all of it continues to motivate me. If I were to speak on what has improved since five years ago, I would say I am a bit wiser. While playing video games and watching anime might sound like pointless hobbies in relation to my dream of becoming a medical professional, they have shaped me to who I am today, who I was five years ago, and who I was when I first picked up a controller. All the funny, wacky stuff I have witnessed, all of the emotions the voice actors put into characters, all the work game developers put in to make characters play unique to one another, all of the time writers have spent in order to craft both masterpieces and frivolous tales alike. From the motivation to achieve more, the power one feels from listening to banger soundtracks, the excitement for battle and challenge, to the sympathy for those less fortunate, the gratitude felt for what one has in their life, and the quiet that creeps on the unsuspecting. All of it being either works of fiction or modified retellings. All of the time potentially spent simply playing or watching. In spite of these flaws, it is who I believe I am. I might not remember every character or story, but I will remember the feelings and ideas said elements represent. Which leads me to a rather long piece of advice I would give to my past self: “The world, let alone your own path, is full of sorrow, anger, and despair. However, it is also full of happiness, peace, and hope. In order to achieve what you want, you must accept them all, and go forward in spite of it. You have to be better for the sake of you. Everyone else has their own tale, so if they are able to survive, so can you.”

[mybookplacenet]

Author Interview: Ken Adams

Tell us about yourself.: I am a lawyer (LL.M., McGill University, Montreal, Canada) and, most importantly, a happy husband and father (one son, and a baby boy on his way). After practicing law for many years and serving as ad hoc diplomat to a specialized UN agency, I am currently focused on enjoying my family time and writing, and I am very happy to join the My Book Place community! Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?: I was born and raised in Argentina, but a big part of my adult life in Canada. North-America´s unique environment, cultural background, and landscapes have heavily influenced my writing, as you can tell from the very cover of "Crimson Winter" Do you have any unusual writing habits? I don't think I have any writing habits that are noteworthy for their uniqueness. But when I'm committed to a project, I’m determined to write every day (for intellectual activities, I am more productive in the second half of the day and at night). I also endeavor to strictly follow Stephen King's advice: "If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot. There’s no way around these two things that I’m aware of, no shortcut." What authors have influenced you? I was born and raised in Argentina, but a big part of my adult life in Canada. North-America´s unique environment, cultural background, and landscapes have heavily influenced my writing, as you can tell from the very cover of "Crimson Winter" Do you have any advice for new authors? Of all the persons living on earth, there is only one who has the power to cast the deciding vote to kill your dream. That person is you. So, keep writing, keep writing, and…keep writing! Remember that "an overnight success is ten years in the making." (Tom Clancy). What is the best advice you have ever been given? "What is talent? Does anybody know how to measure talent? What if talent is something you grow, not something you inherit? The fact is writing fiction requires a few skills. We’ve never met anyone who had all those skills when they started writing. Every single published novelist we know spent long hours learning the craft of fiction. They all had one thing in common: persistence. We have no idea what talent may be, but we do know persistence when we see it. If you have persistence, you have as good of a chance of getting published as anyone else." Randy Ingermanson. What are you reading now? I have a list of classic books I still have to tackle (or reread), such as: Airframe (M. Crichton), Notes from Underground (F. Dostoevsky), Of Mice and Men (J. Steinbeck), and Slaughterhouse-Five (K. Vonnegut), among others. What's your biggest weakness? I´m probably too much concerned about the future of my family. To be certain that they will never be in need is my obsession. What is your favorite book of all time? I´m incapable of choosing just one, but some of my favorite books are The Grapes of Wrath, To Kill a Mockingbird—not surprisingly, given my profession—The Catcher in the Rye (it doesn’t amaze me that an average of 700 copies of this book are still sold every day around the world, more than 70 years after its first publication), Patricia Highsmith's novels, and Ambrose Bierce's short stories, among others. When you're not writing, how do you like to spend your time? I love spending time with my family, reading, and teaching -this is a passion that I think will never abandon me! Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you? The first book that I recall reading was "Treasure Island", by Robert L. Stevenson, when I was just a kid. It ignited my imagination and it started it all. What has inspired you and your writing style? Still today, every time I read a good fiction book or watch a classic movie (old or new), I feel great respect and admiration for those who were able to craft a story so compelling that touches you deep inside or, at least, keep your interest alive until the last minute. That´s a gift! And that´s the fuel that stimulates my writing. Regarding my “style,” I just try to do my best to fulfill the best maxim I´ve ever read about writing fiction: the sole objective of every book and, if possible, every scene on it, must be giving your reader a powerful emotional experience. What are you working on now? I have several writing projects in mind. After finishing reading "Crimson Winter," you’ve surely realized that the main one is a continuation of this story, for “Crimson Winter” is intended to be the first installment of a series (ideally, three books). Many readers have told me that they’re already looking forward to the next book, which of course flatters me and places a great responsibility upon my shoulders at the same time. I would also like to write a story in which the protagonist is a woman who must face challenges that push her to the limits and, at first, appear to overwhelm her completely, albeit with an entirely different theme and setting than "Crimson Winter." The only thing they will have in common is the underlying theme of female empowerment. Finally, I'm about halfway through a collection of stories that could be labeled as "grim." What is your favorite method for promoting your work? Through promotion sites, like MBP! What's next for you as a writer? To focus on the projects I mentioned before. How well do you work under pressure? I´d say I do well, as long as the motivation is strong enough to keep me going. How do you decide what tone to use with a particular piece of writing? I just picture the scene in my head, and try to choose the tone and pick the words that I believe are best to reproduce that image in the readers´ own minds. As Stephen King brilliantly put it: What´s writing? Telepathy, of course. If you could share one thing with your fans, what would that be? At this moment, there’s nothing I´d love to share more with the entire world that my joy of soon becoming a father for the second time. Ken Adams's Author Websites and Profiles Website Amazon Profile Read the full article

[actualbird]

What is it that sold you to Luke?

In my case, I have always been one of those people who pairs Holmes with Watson in more than the friends section haha

and I did not expect an otome character with certain parallels with Holmes to mention that

So. You know. I liked. After that, I further analyzed him as a character and he became my favorite. But that was my first approach.

heyyo, anon!!! my short answer would be: everything. KJBKSDF

but im physically incapable of giving short answers most of the time so heres an itemized and probably non-exhaustive off-the-top-of-my-head list of Things That Convinced Me Luke Pearce Was Made In A Lab Specifically To Target Me

first thing that hooked me was his looks, HAHA. i first saw luke in an article my phone browser recommended me weeks before the game's global release and luke was the picture and im a sucker for fluffy haired puppy looking sunshine boys, and luke Looked The Part. deadass started playing this game cuz luke literally Fave At First Sight-ed me

and then the game came out and every single thing i learned about him was my CATNIP

detective (SAME-ISH HAT, ANON!!! while i wasnt drawn specifically by the holmes and watson parallel, i do love a good detective hehe), cheery character w dark secret, extreme devotion to his detriment, self-loathing party time, SECRET AGENT, has probably killed before and will do it again, HAS A PET BIRD <3, fucked up backstory, in general hilarious, aaand just enough insecurities i myself also deeply relate to so hes a perfect self-projection punching bag 

like, these r all things i love very very much

out of all these things, what Truly Sold me though was all the personality and story stuff. i can get interested by a character at a glance, but if who they are as a character isnt compelling to me, i get bored very quickly and drop em

i picked up luke pearce and placed him in my brain in july 2021 and 9 months later i am still constantly rotating his character around like a rotisserie chicken in my mind

//auctioneer voice. SOLD!!

i respectfully will never understand ppl ive seen (and then immediately respectfully blocked, i dont need that in my life) who think luke is boring KBKJDBFKJDSBKG. i dont get it!! hes a such an interesting character!!! hes one that starts out so fixated on how he can achieve his skewed perception of Good that he cannot see how many unhealthy things hes doing that hurts himself and the people around him.

at times, hes emotionally paradoxical cuz he holds others on a higher pedestal of value over himself Always yet is, whether intentionally or not, trying to control other’s perception of him to fit his perception of who he makes himself out to be

hes deeply flawed and hes so often scared and so so many other things 

and his entire story and development is about realizing those things, growing from them, and learning to keep on going in spite of his fears

if i had to choose just one thing that i love about luke, i guess itd be that theme specifically: the hope in perseverance 

“It’s not over ‘til it’s over,” was said in Luke SR Star In The Palm. and until then, he keeps fighting. because that matters

i.....have a lot of feelings about luke, as u can see KJBJDBFKSD!!

[testudoaubrei-blog]

Content note for discussions of eternal damnation, and all sorts of other shit that will trigger a lot of folks with religious trauma.

Before I get started I might as well explain where I’m coming from - unlike a lot of She-Ra fans, and a lot of queer people, I don’t have much religious trauma, or any, maybe (okay there were a number of years I was convinced I was going to hell, but that happens to everyone, right?). I was raised a liberal Christian by liberal Christian parents in the Episcopal Church, where most of my memories are overwhelmingly positive. Fuck, growing up in the 90’s, Chuch was probably the only place outside my home I didn’t have homophobia spewed at me. Because it was the 90’s and it was a fucking hellscape of bigotry where 5 year olds knew enough to taunt each other with homophobic slurs and the adults didn’t know enough to realize how fucked up that was. Anyway. This is my experience, but it is an atypical one, and I know it. Quite frankly I know that my experience of Christianity has very little at all to do with what most people experienced, or what people generally mean when they talk about Christianity as a cultural force in America today. So if you were raised Christian and you don’t recognize your theology here, congrats, neither do I, but these ideas and cultural forces are huge and powerful and dominant. And it’s this dominant Christian narrative that I’m referring to in this post. As well as, you know, a children’s cartoon about lesbian rainbow princesses. So here it goes. This is going to get batshit.

"All events whatsoever are governed by the secret counsel of God." - John Calvin

“We’re all just a bunch of wooly guys” - Noelle Stevenson

This is a post triggered by a single scene, and a single line. It’s one of the most fucked-up scenes in She-Ra, toward the end of Save the Cat. Catra, turned into a puppet by Prime, struggles with her chip, desperately trying to gain control of herself, so lost and scared and vulnerable that she flings aside her own death wish and her pride and tearfully begs Adora to rescue her. Adora reaches out , about to grab her, and then Prime takes control back, pronounces ‘disappointing’ and activates the kill switch that pitches Catra off the platform and to her death (and seriously, she dies here, guys - also Adora breaks both her legs in the fall). But before he does, he dismisses Catra with one of his most chilling lines. “Some creatures are meant only for destruction.”

And that’s when everyone watching probably had their heart broken a little bit, but some of the viewers raised in or around Christianity watching the same scene probably whispered ‘holy shit’ to themselves. Because Prime’s line - which works as a chilling and callous dismissal of Catra - is also an allusion to a passage from the Bible. In fact, it’s from one of the most fucked up passages in a book with more than its share of fucked up passages. It’s from Romans 9:22, and I’m going to quote several previous verses to give the context of the passage (if not the entire Epistle, which is more about who needs to abide by Jewish dietary restrictions but was used to construct a systematic theology in the centuries afterwards because people decided it was Eternal Truth).

19 Thou wilt say then unto me, Why doth he yet find fault? For who hath resisted his will?

20 Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?

21 Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?

22 What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction:

The context of the allusion supports the context in the show. Prime is dismissing Catra - serial betrayer, liar, failed conqueror, former bloody-handed warlord - as worthless, as having always been worthless and fit only to be destroyed. He is speaking from a divine and authoritative perspective (because he really does think he’s God, more of this in my TL/DR Horde Prime thing). Prime is echoing not only his own haughty dismissal of Catra, and Shadow Weaver’s view of her, but also perhaps the viewer’s harshest assessment of her, and her own worst fears about herself. Catra was bad from the start, doomed to destroy and to be destroyed. A malformed pot, cracked in firing, destined to be shattered against a wall and have her shards classified by some future archaeologist 2,000 years later. And all that’s bad enough.

But the full historical and theological context of this passage shows the real depth of Noelle Stevenson’s passion and thought and care when writing this show. Noelle was raised in Evangelical or Fundamentalist Christianity. To my knowledge, he has never specified what sect or denomination, but in interviews and her memoir Noelle has shown a particular concern for questions that this passage raises, and a particular loathing for the strains of Protestant theology that take this passage and run with it - that is to say, Calvinism. So while I’m not sure if Noelle was raised as a conservative, Calvinist Presbyterian, his preoccupation with these questions mean that it’s time to talk about Calvinism.

It would be unfair, perhaps, to say that Calvinism is a systematic theology built entirely upon the Epistles of Romans and Galatians, but only -just- (and here my Catholic readers in particular will chuckle to themselves and lovingly stroke their favorite passage of the Epistle of James). The core of Calvinist Doctrine is often expressed by the very Dutch acronym TULIP:

Total Depravity - people are wholly evil, and incapable of good action or even willing good thoughts or deeds

Unconditional Election - God chooses some people to save because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, not because they did anything to deserve, trigger or accept it

Limited Atonement - Jesus died only to save the people God chose to save, not the rest of us bastards

Irresistible Grace - God chooses some people to be saved - if you didn’t want to be saved, too bad, God said so.

Perseverance of the Saints - People often forget this one and assume it’s ‘predestination’ but it’s actually this - basically, once saved by God, always saved, and if it looks like someone falls out of grace, they were never saved to begin with. Well that’s all sealed up tight I guess.

Reading through these, predestination isn’t a single doctrine in Calvinism but the entire theological underpinnings of it together with humanity’s utter powerlessness before sin. Basically God has all agency, humanity has none. Calvinism (and a lot of early modern Protestantism) is obsessed with questions of how God saves people (grace alone, AKA Sola Fides) and who God saves (the people god elects and only the people God elects, and fuck everyone else).

It’s apparent that Noelle was really taken by these questions, and repelled by the answers he heard. He’s alluded to having a tattoo refuting the Gospel passage about Sheep and Goats being sorted at the end times, affirming instead that ‘we’re all just a bunch of wooly guys’ (you can see this goat tattoo in some of his self-portraits in comics, etc). He’s also mentioned that rejecting and subverting destiny is a huge part of everything he writes as a particular rejection of the idea that some individual people are 'chosen' by God or that God has a plan for any of us. You can see that -so clearly- in Adora’s arc, where Adora embraces and then rejects destiny time and again and finally learns to live life for herself.

But for Catra, we’re much more concerned about the most negative aspect of this - the idea that some people are vessels meant for destruction. And that’s something else that Noelle is preoccupied with. In her memoir in the section about leaving the church and becoming a humanistic atheist, there is a drawing of a pot and the question ‘Am I a vessel prepared for destruction?’ Obviously this was on Noelle’s mind (And this is before he came out to himself as queer!).

To look at how this question plays out in Catra’s entire arc, let’s first talk about how ideas of damnation and salvation actually play out in society. And for that I’m going to plug one of my favorite books, Gin Lun’s Damned Nation: Hell in America from the Revolution to Reconstruction (if you can tell by now, I am a fucking blast at parties). Lun tells the long and very interesting story about, how ideas of hell and who went there changed during the Early American Republic. One of the interesting developments that she talks about is how while at first people who were repelled by Calvinism started moving toward a doctrine of universal salvation (no on goes to hell, at least not forever*), eventually they decided that hell was fine as long as only the right kind of people went there. Mostly The Other - non-Christian foreigners, Catholics, Atheists, people who were sinners in ways that were not just bad but weird and violated Victorian ideas of respectability. Really, Hell became a way of othering people, and arguably that’s how it survives today, especially as a way to other queer people (but expanding this is slated for my Montero rant). Now while a lot of people were consciously rejecting Calvinist predestination, they were still drawing the distinction between the Elect (good, saved, worthwhile) and the everyone else (bad, damned, worthless). I would argue that secularized ideas of this survive to this day even among non-Christian spaces in our society - we like to draw lines between those who Elect, and those who aren’t.

And that’s what brings us back to Catra. Because Catra’s entire arc is a refutation of the idea that some people are worthless and irredeemable, either by nature, nurture or their own actions. Catra’s actions strain the conventions of who is sympathetic in a Kid’s cartoon - I’ve half joked that she’s Walter White as a cat girl, and it’s only half a joke. She’s cruel, self-deluded, she spends 4 seasons refusing to take responsibility for anything she does and until Season 5 she just about always chooses the thing that does the most damage to herself and others. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, the show goes out of its way to demonstrate that Catra is morally culpable in every step of her descent into evil (except maybe her break with reality just before she pulls the lever). The way that Catra personally betrays everyone around her, the way she strips herself of all of her better qualities and most of what makes her human, hell even her costume changes would signal in any other show that she’s irredeemable.

It’s tempting to see this as Noelle’s version of being edgy - pushing the boundaries of what a sympathetic character is, throwing out antiheroics in favor of just making the villain a protagonist. Noelle isn’t quite Alex ‘I am in the business of traumatizing children’ Hirsch, who seems to have viewed his job as pushing the bounds of what you could show on the Disney Channel (I saw Gravity Falls as an adult and a bunch of that shit lives rent free in my nightmares forever), but Noelle has his own dark side, mostly thematically. The show’s willingness to deal with abuse, and messed up religious themes, and volatile, passionate, not particularly healthy relationships feels pretty daring. I’m not joking when I gleefully recommend this show to friends as ‘a couple from a Mountain Goats Song fights for four seasons in a cartoon intended for 9 year olds’. Noelle is in his own way pushing the boundaries of what a kids show can do. If you read Noelle’s other works like Nimona, you see an argument for Noelle being at least a bit edgy. Nimona is also angry, gleefully destructive, violent and spiteful - not unlike Catra. Given that it was a 2010s webcomic and not a kids show, Nimona is a good deal worse than Catra in some ways - Catra doesn’t kill people on screen, while Nimona laughs about it (that was just like, a webcomic thing - one of the fan favorite characters in my personal favorite, Narbonic, was a fucking sociopath, and the heroes were all amoral mad scientists, except for the superintelligent gerbil**). But unlike Nimona, whose fate is left open ended, Catra is redeemed.

And that is weird. We’ve had redemption arcs, but generally not of characters with -so- much vile stuff in their history. Going back to the comparison between her and Azula, many other shows, like Avatar, would have made Catra a semi-sympathetic villain who has a sob-story in their origin but who is beyond redemption, and in so doing would articulate a kind of psychologized Calvinism where some people are too traumatized to ever be fully and truly human. I’d argue this is the problem with Azula as a character - she’s a fun villain, but she doesn’t have moral agency, and the ultimate message of her arc - that she’s a broken person destined only to hurt people - is actually pretty fucked up. And that’s the origin story of so many serial killers and psycopaths that populate so many TV shows and movies. Beyond ‘hurt people hurt people’ they have nothing to teach us except perhaps that trauma makes you a monster and that the only possible response to people doing bad things is to cut them out of your life and out of our society (and that’s why we have prisons, right?)

And so Catra’s redemption and the depths from which she claws herself back goes back to Noelle’s desire to prove that no person is a vessel ‘fitted for destruction.’ Catra goes about as far down the path of evil as we’ve ever seen a protagonist in a kids show go, and she still has the capacity for good. Importantly, she is not subject to total depravity - she is capable of a good act, if only one at first. Catra is the one who begins her own redemption (unlike in Calvinism, where grace is unearned and even unwelcomed) - because she wants something better than what she has, even if its too late, because she realizes that she never wanted any of this anyway, because she wants to do one good thing once in her life even if it kills her.

The very extremity of Catra’s descent into villainy serves to underline the point that Noelle is trying to make - that no one can be written off completely, that everyone is capable of change, and that no human being is garbage, no matter how twisted they’ve become. Meanwhile her ability to set her own redemption in motion is a powerful statement of human agency, and healing, and a refutation of Calvinism’s idea that we are powerless before sin or pop cultural tropes about us being powerful before the traumas of our upbringing. Catra’s arc, then, is a kind of anti-Calvinist theological statement - about the nature of people and the nature of goodness.

Now, there is a darker side to this that Noelle has only hinted at, but which is suggested by other characters on the show. Because while Catra’s redemption shows that people are capable of change, even when they’ve done horrible things, been fucked up and fucked themselves up, it also illustrates the things people do to themselves that make change hard. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, two of the most sinister parts of her descent into villainy are her self-dehumanization (crushing her own compassion and desire to do good) and her rewriting of her own history in her speech and memory to make her own actions seem justified (which we see with her insistence that Adora left her, eliding Adora’s offers to have Catra join her, or her even more clearly false insistence that Entrapta had betrayed them). In Catra, these processes keep her going down the path of evil, and allow her to nearly destroy herself and everyone else. But we can see the same processes at work in two much darker figures - Shadow Weaver and Horde Prime. These are both rants for another day, but the completeness of Shadow Weaver’s narcissistic self-justification and cultivated callousness and the even more complete narcissism of Prime’s god complex cut both characters off from everyone around them. Perhaps, in a theoretical sense, they are still redeemable, but for narrative purposes they might as well be damned.

This willingness to show a case where someone -isn’t- redeemed actually serves to make Catra’s redemption more believable, especially since Noelle and the writers draw the distinction between how Catra and SW/Prime can relate to reality and other people, not how broken they are by their trauma (unlike Zuko and Azula, who are differentiated by How Fucked Uolp They Are). Redemption is there, it’s an option, we can always do what is right, but someone people will choose not to, in part because doing the right thing involves opening ourselves to the world and others, and thus being vulnerable. Noelle mentions this offhandedly in an interview after Season 1 with the She-Ra Progressive of Power podcast - “I sometimes think that shades of grey, sympathetic villains are part of the escapist fantasy of shows like this.” Because in the real world, some people are just bastards, a point that was particularly clear in 2017. Prime and Shadow Weaver admit this reality, while Catra makes a philosophical point that even the bastards can change their ways (at least in theory).

*An idea first proposed in the second century by Origen, who’s a trip and a fucking half by himself, and an idea that becomes the Catholic doctrine of purgatory, which protestants vehemently denied!

**Speaking of favorite Noelle tropes

[falsegoodnight]

1 , 3 , 12 , 14 , 21 , 24 , 27 !! sorry if thats a lot lol you don’t have to do it all !

hi!! it's not a lot!! however, i *did* already answer a few of these (1 here, 3 here, and 14 here) but i will happily answer the rest :)

12. favorite character to write about this year

ahh well i love writing louis and harry in every fic/universe but as for specific favorites... i have a deep love for louis in picking up the pieces and voicemail sings a wreck, harry in yesterday came suddenly, and both of them in where they glow

also, i think everyone can guess i love writing frat boy harry shjskls

(sorry i am incapable of choosing one favorite 😭)

21. most memorable comment/review

anyone that’s ever written me a “long” comment definitely has my entire heart!! my friends chelsea and jem have done that for me many times and i treasure every single one of them deeply :’) also just the comments from people who always comment on my fics... i treasure those so much. from the top of my head: morgan (they also always dm their live reactions to my fics and i look forward to that every time!!), lou, and cam <3 there’s some users on ao3 who always do that too that i have memorized for sure but idk if i should list those shjkss 

some other recent ones that stick out are also from friends, hanis and hally!! actually anyone who wrote me a comment or sent me a nice ask during finals week gets a hug from me :’) there’s nothing like reading kind words when you’re feeling down to cheer you up instantly <3 

i’m not really giving anything specific here i know shjsks i feel hesitant posting comments jic the person who wrote it may feel hesitant about that and i’m unable to ask directly, but i will say that one ask i still think about months later was someone calling me the olivia rodrigo of fics shjks 😭

really though i’m so grateful for every comment or ask or just nice words that has been directed towards me!!! you all are so lovely and i truly would not keep doing this without your kindness!! 

24. favorite fic you read this year

ummm TOO HARD!! i’ve read sooo many good fics this year!! you can check my bookmarks here for my top favs from this year but i don’t even think i could begin to choose just one </3 

actually... i’ll take this as an opportunity to rec a fav that i think deserves so much more attention: 

✰ Shooting Stars in the Woods by frenchkiss | E | 82k

A Tudor era AU. Prince Louis I of England has everything a man could ever dream of, but his lack of husband is driving his father, the King, to madness. But Louis doesn't want any of the eligible bachelors his father pushes his way. All he wants is to be able to do is marry the knight he's been in love with for two years now.

The love story of a royal and his servant, separated by class but joined by heart. Their relationship has remained a careful secret for a long time now, but when a threat to the kingdom forces them both to leave the palace, it turns out their secret isn't the only one that could topple everything they’ve ever known.

this one is so good if you enjoy historical/royal aus and also some political intrigue <3 

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

again i literally cannot choose one shjksls gonna rec a newer writer who has put two fics this year – both of them are so incredible and most definitely favs :’)

✰ breadylou // @breadylou

another favorite of mine who i always thinks deserves more attention is:

✰ tomlinvelvet // @afterglowslouis

love both of them and their fics so much!! and there’s so many other fantastic writers posting currently that you should check out –– i just did an underrated writers rec recently and i’ve been thinking about doing a comprehensive list in the future so let me know if you’re interested in that!

thank you so much for sending and for your interest <333

send me an end of the year fanfic ask

[kae-karo]

fic writer interview!

i saw @prince-liest do this and thus i will take ur 'tagging anyone who wants to do this' seriously lmaoooo (also hi btw hope ur well!!! 💜💜)

How many works do you have on AO3?

ahaha,,,,,159 lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

fdsjkkjlsfdklj as of today, 2,089,769

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

only three fsdjkldslfkj the phandom (dan&phil), bnha, and genshin!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

chosen (x) - zhongchi (genshin)

to love (and be loved in return) (x) - kaeluc (genshin)

little bird (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

feet don't touch the ground (x) - xiaoven (genshin)

i knew you were fire (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

honestly none of that surprises me except that little bird is still up there, although i think i owe that to sif (@the-final-sif) for sharing it around the time it got posted since it was partly inspired by her raptor stress grip post!!

the rest are all chaptered fics, which is mostly what i expected to be in the top 5 lmao

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yes!!! always!!!! no matter what u comment, i will respond!!! and if i don't, it's probably cause ao3 didn't notify me properly or i didn't see it in my inbox or something

as for why, it's mostly to do with like...i know how hard it can be for some people to comment, even just a bunch of heart emojis or a 'i loved this!' or something short and simple? and it means a lot to me that ppl are going out of their way to say something nice, no matter how small, and it's really really important to me to acknowledge that

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

hmm,,,,,this is a hard one, cause for a very long time, my policy was that my fic would always have a happy ending? and for a long time, that was true!! but the dabihawks interaction (during the raid) broke me, and from an emotional standpoint, i think freeing icarus (x) is probably the one that has the angstiest ending of the two or so that i wrote in that time?

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

u know i really haven't written any crossovers? it's normally not my thing cause my brain typically focuses on a single thing and doesn't really have the capacity to think about more than that, so i end up writing just au-style or fusion-style (shoutout to that one bnha but it was scooby doo fic i wrote - x)

i don't think i'd be opposed to writing a crossover but i'd have to be SUPER inspired by the idea and both fandoms lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha yes, i have. the only straight up hate i've received was on a kaeluc fic (surprisingly not because it was kaeluc, but bc i was 'mistreating' kaeya in the fic) - to be entirely fair, the commenter pointed out something that i hadn't realized myself, and it led to a second piece of the story that helped me tie up some loose ends, but...let's just say they weren't very kind about their feelings lmao

other than that, i had someone very upset because i didn't tag which character was bottoming in a fic (valid if that bugs u!) and they read through most of it before getting to the smut (and said that they enjoyed everything up to that point) then said they were 'disgusted' by it. i have opinions on that and a few other comments they made, but i will keep them to myself lmao

and beyond that, just a few ppl on my xiaoven fic saying that they were unhappy about the background kaeluc (which is tagged lmao) - really no hate whatsoever til genshin, honestly, which is...very hmmmm :) lmao

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yep!!! mostly vanilla or vanilla-adjacent lmao i'm not super into heavy kink, although i know if epi reads this she's gonna call me out for being a monsterfucker bc of my dragon!zhongli smut :) lmaoooo but really i tend to write pretty vanilla smut! i also prefer to avoid any noncon/dubcon or hate sex or anything particularly angsty, just not my jam to write!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

hmm i don't think so? although i don't heavily monitor ao3 (or wattpad/ffn), so i can't really say that for sure lmao

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! i've had a few fics translated to russian (little bird is one of them!) which is very sweet and i hope that anyone who prefers to read in russian has been enjoying those fics!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

alksdfjklsdf only once, and it's deadass how me and rose got together. we decided to co-write a podcast au fic for the phandom (x) and ended up flirting via google docs asldkfjkldsfj

What’s your all time favourite ship?

what a horrible question, making me choose between my children like this!!!! sdlfkjdskf tbh i'm not sure i have a real answer bc it changes as i go? and 'favorite' is so vague,,,,,favorite to read? to write about? to think about? asdklfjkjsdfk i really don't know if i have an answer, but i'll maybe say kaeluc for now lmao

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

well first and foremost, with only 2 exceptions, i never post a fic unless it's done. i tend to follow wherever my passion leads my brain, so i'm notorious for jumping around between stories and taking breaks from long fic and returning later on to finish them, and i know that i would not do well under the pressure of posting something unfinished and trying to finish it in a timely manner

that said, many wips sit in my google doc folder, but one is Well Known as the one that has followed me through both the phandom and bnha (rose keeps asking who i'm gonna switch the chars to in genshin, but i think it suits bakudeku too well to do that) - only the lonely survive. it sits at like 36k in my wip folder, and i adore the story dearly and i want very much to finish it, but it never makes it quite to the forefront of my motivation, and so it rarely if ever gets worked on...i hate the idea of 'never' finishing it, but it's unfortunately quite likely that i won't 😭😭😭

What are your writing strengths?

emotion!!! and immersion!!! it's my goal in a fic to make it as immersive as possible and saturated with emotion to help convey that feeling of being in the place of the pov character, and i think i do it pretty well. also just bc i feel a little obligated to say it - another strength is actually sitting down and putting words down. i know that's a struggle for a lot of writers and i often get,,,,lovingly bullied? i guess? lmao for being able to bash out a few k in a day most days

What are your writing weaknesses?

this isn't so much a weakness i guess but i am basically incapable of treating crack fic as crack. if i have a cracky idea, it will, without a doubt, end up turning into a Perfectly Serious fic somehow (notable 'crack treated so seriously that it's no longer crack' fics include: todoroki doing the freeze-the-ocean thing from frozen 2, 'shmigaraki', todo and denki get together bc of vine references, the league sells feet pics, shiggy and natsu own a nightclub/bakery, scooby doo but make it bnha, and dabi getting his ears pierced at claire's)

but in all seriousness, i think my main weakness is that i often get comfortable? and i'm not one to typically push myself forcefully out of my comfort zone when it comes to stories that i come up with on my own, which often means that ideas inspired by discussions with others are what prompt me to branch out and try new things?

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think, like anything, it has its place? there are certainly stories where it makes sense to do that and even adds depth to a story, although i personally am not exceptionally comfortable enough with other languages (except maybe asl) to do that in fic myself without the assistance of someone very comfortable with that language lmao

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the phandom! not really my jam to write rpf anymore but it definitely got me started and i'm really grateful for my time writing there, as everyone was super supportive and kind, and it was really a perfect place for a beginner to get comfortable and practice

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

again, forcing me to choose between my children...i really don't know that i can pick one fic bc they all exist in such wildly different spaces? i poured my worldbuilding soul into the king of disaster series (mainly dabihawks - x), exile (dan and phil - x) was my first massively long fic, our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone (chayea - x) is probably my favorite character/character dynamic study, i'm exceptionally proud of the smut in chosen (zhongchi - x), the list goes on and on and on lmao like. i could probably list half my fics as favorites in some regard dsflkjdfsjkl

anyway, tyty bellamy for putting this on my dash so i could do it as well!!

tagging: literally anyone who wants to do this, i have so many writer friends slkdjfjklsdf but please please tag me if u do it so i can read urs!!! 💜💜💜

[writingletterstothefire]

She Loves Me

Chapter 1

A/N: Hi guys. It’s been a minute. Here is the long awaited (by no one) She Loves Me AU. I’m putting chapter 1 out here in the hopes that people waiting for updates will spark some creativity in me again. I’m sorry it’s short. If you enjoy, let me know

Word Count: 1703

Warnings: not proof read.

The sun was blazing down on you as you scurried down the busy New York sidewalk. The summer had decided to be blazing hot this wonderful morning, and you had decided to be extraordinarily late for work. Well, perhaps ‘decided’ isn’t the right word— you’d overslept on account of staying up extra late to finish a letter to your Special Friend.

There was no shame in using a dating service, you knew that, yet for some reason the very thought of joining one was something that you had scoffed at for so many years. “I want to meet someone organically,” you’d complain to your friends, “those services are full of strangers who have the weirdest quirks.” To be fair, that had been true in your brief experience using a dating service in college. It was definitely an odd time, figuring out exactly what ‘watersports’ meant. Needless to say, it had taken one single date for you to decide to withdraw your application and swear off dating services.

But you were getting older. And men seemed to just get more and more picky, the older they got. So, when you stumbled across an advertisement in your Sunday newspaper for a matchmaking service called ‘Special Friends’, you jumped at the opportunity. The directions were simple; you filled out the survey in the paper, mailed it to the listed address, and then your answers were compared with other submissions to find the best match for you. Once you received your match, you were to write a letter to them introducing yourself and signing off under the title of ‘Special Friend’. The two of you were given a specific P.O. box to drop your letters off to, provided by the matchmaking service. The only real rules were that the letter had to be handwritten, and you were only allowed to give real names if both parties agreed on it.

Your Special Friend was a true kindred spirit. It had been six months of trading letters back and forth, and the two of you spoke about everything, from your childhoods to your favorite books, from dream destinations to worst fears. About three months into this correspondence, you knew that, whoever this Special Friend was, you loved them. You stayed up until all hours of the night writing draft after draft until you formed the perfect letter. Because of this, you were often late for work in the morning.

Late. That’s right. You were very late. You willed your feet to move you as fast as they possibly could, cursing yourself for choosing this morning to wear heels. Finally, you managed to burst through the door just minutes before opening, scurrying to the back to drop off your bag. You made a mental note to yourself to start carrying flats in your purse, in case of emergency.

You’d just finished touching up your makeup in the small staff room mirror, when you felt someone sidle up beside you. You didn’t have to turn your head to know who it was. The smug energy emanating from his every pore was enough to confirm your suspicions of who was next to you. Santiago Garcia. Your worst nightmare in human form.

“Can I help you with something, Mr. Garcia?” You didn’t even spare him a glance as you finger-combed your hair, which was now windswept from your impromptu jog.

“Not at all, Miss Y/L/N,” Santiago flashed you a smile that, in any other circumstance, would have been charming. You, however, knew that pure contempt lurked behind those pearly white teeth. “I was just marveling at the rare sight of you, here, on time!”

“And why would that be something to marvel at, Mr. Garcia?” you scowled.

“Well, simply because it’s never happened before!” Santiago leaned against the wall, charming smile morphing into the smirk that often adorned his chiseled face. “You know, Miss Y/L/N, you may want to stop frowning so adamantly. At your age, those frown lines tend to stick around.”

“At my age?!” you nearly shrieked at him. “Mr. Garcia, need I remind you that you are older than I am!”

His smirk only widened. “Yes, but you seem to forget that one of us is ageing with grace, Miss Y/L/N.”

Your scowl deepened, and you shoved past him, making your way to the front of the store. You never did understand why Santiago didn’t like you. From the first moment you stepped into the department store, it seemed like he was trying to usher you out. Sure, when he thought you were a customer, he was the most charming man you’d ever spoken to. But once he had realized that you were trying to apply for the new salesperson position, he wanted nothing to do with you. He had insisted that there were no positions available, but Frankie Morales, his friend and co-worker, was quick to usher you to the owner’s office. Mr. Bailey had been a hard man to charm, but when you made your first sale to a woman who was insistent that she was just browsing, he hired you on the spot. After all, you’d gotten her to buy not one, not two, but five jars of various creams and lotions. None of Mr. Bailey’s workers had ever managed to sell that much in one go, not even his prized Mr. Garcia.

Making your way to the front of the store, you said hello and gave a kiss on the cheek to Frankie and each of the Miller brothers, Will and Benny. All three of the boys were quick to welcome you, despite Santi being the unspoken leader of the pack. They quickly became your protective band of brothers, something you’d long wished for as a young child.

“Good morning Frankie! How’s Elisa doing this morning?” You asked Frankie, your tone surprisingly chipper after dealing with Santi in the staff room.

“Round as ever!” Frankie exclaimed, a wide grin on his face. “The doctors estimate that the baby will be here in about a month, and Mr. Bailey’s been so kind as to let me have a month off after the baby arrives. I know it’s going to take a toll on Elisa, and I want to be there for her as much as I can.”

Sometimes, Frankie just melted your heart. It was so plain to see how much he loved his wife and their incoming baby. Their little family was everything you wanted. You only hoped that one day someone would love you just as much as Frankie and Elisa loved each other.

It was beginning to seem as though your Special Friend was never going to reveal himself to you. You had offered to meet for dinner on a few occasions, and each time he insisted that he had prior appointments. You didn’t want to assume anything, of course, but you were getting worried. Surely he wouldn’t lie to you about having a prior engagement, would he? But then, if he was so eager to meet you, as he claimed to be, then why did he never offer an alternative date?

On your way home from work, you stopped at the P.O. box. Your Special Friend had forgotten— or, well, neglected, you supposed— to write you the past two days, but you were adamant about writing at least every other day. You knew how much the letters meant to you, and if they brought him even half as much joy, you wanted to be sure he got it. Perhaps, if you hadn’t been so caught up in your own head, you would have looked up and seen the figure walking away from the wall of P.O. boxes.

To your surprise and delight, there was a letter waiting for you in the box when you finally opened it. If you hadn’t been so excited to read it, perhaps you’d have noticed the flash of a coat turning the corner as they walked away from the wall of boxes.

You hurried to open the letter.

Dear Friend,

I am so sorry to have not been able to write these past few days. Work has been an absolute train wreck, what with the most irritating co-worker constantly fumbling about. Somehow, the boss claims it’s my fault. Could you believe it? My fault that my imbecile of a co-worker is incapable of doing the simplest task that doesn’t involve talking a mile per minute?

But enough about that mess. I am supposed to be apologizing to you, my dear, sweet friend.

I know that you have been wanting to meet me. I am so sorry that I haven’t been able to make any of our appointments. As I’ve told you before, I was once in the army. An experience in war is one that I don’t wish on anyone. It takes a toll on you, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Because of my experience, I’ve decided to counsel other veterans and help them through their traumatic memories. On the nights you had wished to meet me, I’d had previously arranged counseling sessions, as well as one doctors appointment, a check up to see how I am recovering after all of my surgeries that I’ve told you about.

All of this to say, dear friend, that I’ve cleared my schedule for the night of the 27th. If you are available, I would love to meet you at the Ambrosia Garden down on the corner of 12th Avenue. I’ve made a reservation for two under the name Elizabeth Bennett, after you expressed how much you loved Jane Austen’s ‘Pride & Prejudice’. If you show, I will be wearing a purple rose on my lapel. I will look for you, where you will be holding a copy of ‘Pride & Prejudice’, with a purple rose tucked between the pages.

I sincerely hope to see you on the 27the, dear friend. I’ve been longing to meet you since we first exchanged letters, so many months ago.

Sincerely,

Your Special Friend

You had to meet him. You would get to the Ambrosia Garden on the 27th, no matter the cost. You’d find out who your Special Friend was if it was the last thing you did.

[icesiscouture]

rhiannon love, for the asks: taurus, virgo and 3h💕

Taurus ⇢ What’s your favorite food?

I am incapable of choosing favorites in almost all categories, so I don't really have a favorite food, but for the sake of this question, I will say that it's tofu pad thai.

Virgo ⇢ Do you consider yourself a perfectionist?

Every single person who knows me well knows that I am a perfectionist to such a degree that it makes my life a million times more difficult than it needs to be.

3H ⇢ What are some of the topics you like to talk about the most?

I love talking about drag, obviously, but aside from that, I'm super interested in true crime and will talk about cases that interest me ad nauseam.

[wiildxclancy]

hydrangea - proudest momeWe?

snapdragon - favourite mythical creature?

anemone - were you ever interested in greek mythology?

narcissus - your best physical feature?

iris - favourite 90s song?

daisy - what’s your best childhood memory?

rose - describe your crush.

Hydrangea: what’s a “momeWe?” 🤔🤔

Snapdragon: my favorite mythical creature would have to be a mermaid 🧜🏻‍♀️

Anemone: yes! I’ve been trying to decide on if I want a Medusa, Artemis or Persephone tattoo for the longest time.

Narcissus: It’s either my red hair or blue eyes.

Iris: I am incapable of only choosing one..

Daisy: I can’t exactly remember much of my childhood as I have blocked most of it out. Which I’ve only recently come to realize. But from what I can remember, it would be when I would go on vacation to this cute resort in Pennsylvania with my dads side of the family every single September/October. I went her from the ages of 3 months - 17. I’ll cherish those memories forever.

Rose: tall, tatted, lanky, Pokémon master, pale, loud.

[noxnthea]

AO3 Tagging Game

thanks to @inkvoices for the tag for this...three weeks ago? 1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 10! 2. What is your total Ao3 word count? 147,998

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 3 -- but really all just Marvel.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Thank You for Staying with Us (cracky motel fic!)

the things we're blind to (outsider pov on how the boys don't see how much the other cares for them, but everyone else does)

Choose Every Single Day (what if the avengers met in therapy?)

Ready to Hear It (Clint catastrophizes to Lucky, his captive audience)

The 300 Club (Clint and Bucky are scientists in Antarctica)

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes, because it means the world to me that people took time out of their day (and possibly spoons out of their daily allotment) to leave me love, so I gotta give it right back. I'm absurdly grateful that people choose to engage with my fics. 6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Angst? I don't know her. I don't think she goes here. 7. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written? Nope, but I've got a wild idea for a MCU/DC/Supernatural crossover that won't leave my brain alone. Maybe one day once I get off my crack-writing kick it'll come to fruition! Maybe it'll be my nanowrimo this year 8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? nope! I'm convinced the winterhawk fandom is just too wonderful for that. Though one person did say motel Clint was incapable of doing anything but simping for Bucky and I'm vaguely offended because he's highkey absurdly competent. 9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Nope! I've thought about it -- have whined to my friends about my seeming inability to do so -- but for now it feels like forcing myself, and forcing myself isn't fun, and if I'm not having fun out here in fic land, what am I doing? 10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I very highly doubt it. 11. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No -- though I have started to co-write a fic before. It exists in a gdoc! and it involves copious amounts of crabs. 12. What’s your all time favorite ship? I am wholeheartedly convinced of the perfection that is Winterhawk. Big fan of Jaytim and Jack/Bitty from Check, Please! or a few specific pairings where the author is so fantastic that I love the connections built between characters, even if I don't consistently ship that pairing. 13. What was the first fandom you wrote for? well. I mean. gestures around. I've read a lot of others, but the WH fandom is the only one I've thus far been inspired to write for. 14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? I don't believe in favorites, so -- I'd say I'm really proud of how quickly I banged out "TYFSWU", and I feel it really helped me realize how I could stretch myself as a writer, I'm proud of "Choose Every Single Day" because I planned and wrote all 103k in two months, and I'm consistently amazed any time I reread "the things we're blind to" because damn, those are some pretty words.

AND ALSO MY YET TO BE TITLED TIME TRAVELING WHOB FIC IS PRETTY DAMN AMAZING. It's just. Only been read by 4 people so far. But soon!!

Tagging (and sorry if you've already done this!): @hopelessly-me @trashkingtater @alistrawrites, @jochai, @ladyladylady1 and anyone else who wants to that I'm not thinking of at this very moment!

[sokkalore]

Fic Writer Interview

fiNALLY Gonna do this i...a lot of people have tagged me in it but i am going to say thank u @hollypunkers because you are the most recent person to tag me and i am actually Doing it now.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Name(s): haley 

Fandom(s): ATLA! i am in other fandoms i Suppose but ATLA is the only one i write for...however there is a small part of me...that wants to write red, white & royal blue fic.....we’ll see....maybe one day.

Where you post: ao3! 

Most popular one-shot (by kudos): i do not have any one shots because i am incapable of being succinct. however, i will. eventually post one shots. i’m determined. i can do it. maybe. we’ll see. 

Most popular multi-chapter (by kudos): breakable heaven!!! which is crazy because it’s not even DONE YET!! like. thank you all. i adore you for coming along this journey with me. 

Favorite story you’ve written so far: i think i have to say unconditionally and irrevocably BECAUSE, a) i DO adore it b) it’s. actually done c) it’s what restarted my creative brain this year and without it, i would not have ever written anything else. also it’s just. my baby. i love that fic so much (and was so genuinely surprised and excited about the love i got for it. thank you zukka twilight nation i love you so much.)

Fic you were nervous to post: tbh! breakable heaven BECAUSE i was like. riding the finishing u&i wave and also like. u&i is the first Multi-chap fic i’ve ever actually FINISHED (don’t worry. bh will get finished. sjdklsdfj). but because of that, i was like oh no, what if i never live up to my previous success, what if everyone HATES this new idea, etc. etc. so that was definitely nerve-wracking. 

How do you choose your titles: it definitely depends on the story. unconditionally and irrevocably is just. it’s from twilight. breakable heaven is a song lyric (as is every single chapter title. if you haven’t figured that out yet). the zuko pov rewite of u&i, a certain step towards falling, is a quote from pride and prejudice in honor of resident austen nerd, zuko cullen. SO like. i have no real pattern for how or why i title stories. 

Do you outline?: yes. like. SUPER in depth. ask @bisexuallsokka. my outlines are my babies and they keep me sane. i LOVE outlining.

Complete: 1

In-progress: 3

Coming soon/not yet started: breakable heaven will get a follow-up one shot/epilogue!! it is started because i keep working on that instead of, the main fic, but yeah that definitely falls under Coming Soon 

Prompts: i had a lot of fun doing that little prompt ask thing in the past so hell yeah i am open to prompts. can’t say i will definitely Answer all of them but if you have an idea send it over. good practice for me on the whole one shot thing, which i want to get good at. 

Upcoming work you’re most excited about: my NEXT multi-chap idea which i will be writing after breakable heaven is over...a modern au enemies to enemies with benefits to fake dating to friends with benefits to ??? to lovers zukka au (feat. yueki). it’s going to be. super fun. it’s a romcom. very little angst, and the angst that will exist is like. romcom angst not real angst. i’m very excited about that. 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I tag: @zukkaclawthorne, @zukkacomrade, @macdenlesbian, @zukosaturtle-duck, and anyone else who feels like doing this!! <3 

[do-not-eat-the-dove]

I need to write this, I need to write this because I am so fucking angry. I am so, so fucking angry, and every problematic shipper I want you to read this. Read it, all the way through, because if you don’t then you are ignoring children you might have harmed.

Tw’s for: beastiality mention, sexual abuse mention, paedophilia mention, typical darkfic trigger warnings in essential

When I was nine, I moved into the Aphmau fandom. Earlier than that, I was an avid reader of Harry potter. Earlier than that, I was into stampy cat and iballisticsquid and skydoesminecraft. I have been in fandoms earlier than my body can remember, and I started in on wattpad when I was very, very young. Just writing, only writing. I had a vague understanding of what sex and smut was as a child, because of unmoderated youtube thumbnails. I ran into sexual themes online, because that is what a child does okay? I will admit that I knew about sex as a child if only barely.

As a kid in fandom, you don't know how to moderate things. As a literal fucking elementary schooler who doesn’t know how to differentiate “Their” “They’re” and “There”, you do not know the difference between right and wrong. You do not understand what an 18+ warning is, and you don’t know what the fuck a dead dove is and why anyone would want to eat it in the first place. You do not understand, and i think that this is something that problematic content creators expect of literal fucking children, and i also think that it is extremely irrational and condescending for you to do so.

When I was a bit older, maybe twelve/thirteen, I found ao3. I found twitter, tumblr, bnha and anime. I was excited because it was a community, so I became super involved as fast as I could. I had still not hit puberty yet. I hadn’t even learned the pythagorean theorem yet. I didn’t entirely understand variables and I had no clue that washing your face was basic hygiene. I am bringing this up to display to you that I. WAS. A. CHILD. A kid. Five years ago at this point I still had trouble jump-roping. I was a kid who had average decision-making skills for their age and who found the idea of boys gross, crushes were based on who was fastest in gym class.

I let go of tumblr because I couldn’t grasp what on earth it was supposed to be used for and how it was supposed to be used, I posted shitty depressed memes on reddit because I thought I was edgy. And then I got involved in fandom twitter.

Me, my friends, we recommended each other cute ship threads and discussed Notps and did “toxic fandom stuff” because we were children who still celebrated valentines day with sweet-tarts and holographic paper cards. I still knew jack shit about sex and relationships because as a child sex education is just “this is a penis, this is a vagina, this is how you don’t get pregnant, any questions?” 

So when one day, i decide to type “BNHA” into the search bar of twitter, intent on finding cute things to share with my online friends and instead am greeted with a picture of a character raping another character, I don’t know exactly what to do.

Let me repeat that; I looked up JUST the word “BNHA”. Just that. Nothing else. 

And I, a child, who has no decision making skills, clicks on the post. Because it makes me feel funny, and children are curious.

As a middle schooler. As a child who had the average physical and mental capacity to resist impulse, aka none, as someone who used Uwu and OwO unironically, who thought spelling “as” with a Z made me quirky and fun, discovered a main-tagged post of a character being nsfwed in a sexual assault.

From here, I explored. What you people don’t get is that is what children do. That is what children DO. And you, in all your wonderful wise ways, decide that it is on ME. On someone who had no understanding of what this was, to be the adult and say “I do not think this is right.” You, the thirty year old woman who maintags, are saying that to me, who was a twelve year old. 

I think the most traumatic thing I read during that time was an aged-down character, who went from fifteen to five, being sexually abused and pimped out by his mother and forced to have sexual contact with dogs.

Today, I suffer from intense intrusive thoughts that I do not think I need to be diagnosed for, because constantly wondering if you’re going to be sexually assaulted by every single man you come in contact with, having to shoo away evil disgusting thoughts that have made you involuntarily gag and nearly vomit, having to deal with these awful things in my brain is proof enough. Today, I have such a deep-rooted fear of sex and men and relationships that despite me being entirely Heterosexual, wanting children in the future, having these ideas of a family, I feel incapable. 

Today, I saw a fic saying that it was my own fault if I found their problematic fic, and today I raged for every child that is going to be messed up by people who choose to blameshift just because they want to use maintags. 

As fandom spaces get younger, and the fan age range grows bigger I have noticed a distinct uptick in who is reading and consuming fan content on social media. I know eleven year olds, ten year olds, I have met a nine year old child who messaged like they were twenty. All of these children read fanfiction of characters that they adore, and click on fics that include those characters because they adore them.

I’m going to share another experience that I’ve had with sex and sexual abuse that was self-inflicted, but normalized by the content that I had consumed. As a child, a thirteen year old, I messaged adult men. I went on omegle text chat, I found forums for sexual roleplay, I talked to probably a dozen adults in sexual manners without them knowing or realizing. Even a few women, and I am completely certain this experience is going to scar me until the day that I fucking pass. It makes me feel empty inside, but you know what? Your fics normalized that for me. I read a tweet from an adult, someone much older than me, who talked about having gone into adult spaces as a child. They did the same thing as me. It is a trend, but while I recognize that I was too young to know what I was seeing, reading, hearing from people who were older than me and therefore authority figures, they blamed themself. And that is the most heartbreaking fucking thing.

When you maintag. When you use a main tag, that a child who does not know how to filter out scrolls down on, and they decide that this will be an okay thing for them to consume because adults know better, will you look them in the eyes and tell them the fear of things they don’t understand and haven’t even been introduced to yet is their fault? Will you tell them that ao3 is an adult site for adults and it’s their fault for being stupid enough to read it? Will you tell them that the images that will play in their minds for years until they’re desensitized and so so scared that they’re now a bad person because of it, will you tell them that it was their fault for clicking on it when they were seven, eight, nine? 

Frankly, I do not give a shit about what you write. If it is in rpf and you still push it i will think you are a bad person, but other than that I could never care less. But I do care what you tag, because If you write the word bnha on twitter with an image of a young child's favorite character being sexually brutalised? If you maintag a fic where someone is starved till they are nearly dead, infantilised, sexually abused during all of it, and leave it out in the open on a site you know has children, in a fandom you know is targeted towards kids. If your tags leave a child open for attack, harm, mental scarring? I care, because I will not let another child be blamed for something they themselves did not fully understand the weight of.