#i am literally just someone on the internet and yet you all are so kind

[inkskinned]

one of the things that's so frustrating is how often the arguments against us are actually happening to us. we said - you need to watch out, this will evolve into allowing fascism into legal statute. and we were told: you're a sensitive snowflake. you're annoying and stupid and have no concept of reality. nobody really believes that stuff.

but it's indoctrination for kids to even see queer people. it's grooming for kids to even be around queer people. it's disgusting to even put rainbows on kids clothes. it's inappropriate, shameful, still-an-argument. like any of this is new - we know already. for you, even seeing someone unashamed is the same thing as "forcing" it onto you. because god-forbid you confront any internal thought you have. because god-forbid you practice empathy. rage is better, i guess. it keeps you pretty.

this has always been the way of some people - a while ago, it would have been "sinful" for my white mom to marry my hispanic dad. once, in the year of our lord 2015, someone told me that "mutts" deserve a woodchipper. that one particular insult stayed with me - not because it was the first or last, but because there was something so unbelievably violent about it that i couldn't figure out how to hold it. the idea that someone is so assured of their bigotry and rage that they would paint this kind of a picture. even jokingly, even with the anonymity of the internet, it kind of centered things for me. a sense that, for some people, their rage burned so unimaginably large that it blocked even the basic fact of my humanity.

at one point, while i still had enough fire in me to get into long arguments, one of the bigots i was "debating" (being harassed by) said: to be honest, it's about the sex, not the love. between you, me, and the four walls of this blue hellsite, i actually didn't really care for "love is love" as the slogan of our community. it seemed so placid, so gentle, so ally-focused. where was the vitriol? where was the hours i spent agonizing over myself? where was the quiet moments of my life, filled with the sound of other people's hatred? this static that settles over everything; even for the action of holding her hand.

the world is unfair. i am an adult, and without the veneer and small-pond syndrome of my teenage years, the slogan has started sounding more desperate. the more places i went, the more people i met. love is love. love is defending him on a rooftop bar. the drink she throws at me goes down into my shoes while i stand there, wishing i had a better retort than what the fuck. love is both of us, keeping our heads down, the black SUV full of frat boys (?) pulled up next to us, howling, for five whole blocks, until we both gave up and had to stick our bare legs into the thicket by the side of the road, giving over into tick country rather than let it go on any longer. love is a lazy spring afternoon, my hand on her belly, the fan spinning overhead. did you hear the whole thing about target?

did you hear about being the target? that's a fun little parallel, isn't it. it almost feels like the game that-is-about-me is being played without-my-participation. someone wants to set fire to my life, and i have to wait for a response from a capitalist institution. i am watching a tiktok where a white woman under white lights complains about adult swimsuits, even though i think a lot of people would benefit from having swimming options that are not "instagram-inspired bikini" or "impossible to move in but otherwise pretty".

sometimes it just seems so fucking stupid. like, just to check, the rage you feel and the hatred - you could really just avoid all of that by minding your fucking business. sometimes (and this is true): it's not about you, and people don't need your permission. like, i don't understand any obsession with sports, but it seems to make other people happy. american football literally results in grievous bodily injury - and yet there are onesies for babies that say future quarterback. i personally don't love it, so i just don't buy that stuff. i walk by it, and don't let it bother me. there have been so, so, so many times that i was told - "so what if he's a little bit homophobic, if you don't like him, don't watch his movies." "so what if they fired her. don't buy their product." "so what if they wouldn't make a rainbow cake. just don't support them."

sometimes i feel the meaning of it scud against my body, an orca whale inside of me, threatening the boat. it is too large to see from my place; this shadow of a thing that dwarfs my petty other-concerns. i need to find a dress for an event, and florida is passing more anti-gay legislation. i need to text my friend back and confirm our plans, and someone is throwing beer bottles to the floor in a walmart because a different case had rainbows on them. it is a long fall, if i look down into it; this sense like the bottom doesn't exist. like i have only ever dipped my toes in.

sometimes i am unbelievably tired of talking about it. it feels like it has become too trite in my own poetry - queer writer complains about the state of the world! how original! - and then something else happens, and i am here again. i remember that it isn't a moment. i remember it isn't a scattered population of cartoon evil-doers, intent on world domination from behind handlebar mustaches. it is a concerted effort of real people with real power who really-do want to see my end. it is a lifetime of dodging the beercan as it sails out of the back of the van. it is a lifetime of not-kissing once we leave the apartment. it is a lifetime of watching someone protest our existence and then, very slowly, giving them the finger. it is a lifetime of holding my friends' hands and hearing the same agony in their life that i lived through. it is us, together, our faces turned upwards, the night sky so vast, milky way overhead like a lacework zipper.

it is a lifetime of staring down woodchippers.

[alonetimelover]

pairing: Harry Styles x tennis player!reader

summary: "Can't hear the haters when you're slaying"

tennis player!reader

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harryupdates

liked by ynupdates, harryshoee and 14 104 others

harryupdates Harry and YN were spotted in London yesterday! via emglishmanharry

view all 1 023 comments

ynupdates glad to see yn well rested before the big paris!!

harrysmoustache he looks SOOOOOO good, man

harryshoee they are such a handsome couple, i literally can't take it anymore

tennisfan01 walkover in Italy to have a longer vacation? very professional of her

tennisfan92 here you have an example of why she's losing so much lately

tennisfan101 choosing a boy instead of your job??? classy

ynhater professional player only in billboards

ynhater16 she's becoming more of a celebrity than a tennis player, you can now see what she's really after 💸

comments to this post have been disabled

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ynupdates

liked by harryupdates, ynsmybestie and 28 101 others

ynupdates I really don't know if I should write this... This photo is from YN's practice in Paris today. She broke down crying after multiple people from the audience kept calling her names, howling and disturbing. Those people were just a percentage of the ones that are actively judging her on the internet. And it is NOT okay. And it will never be. Some people should stay at home and keep shouting at their TV, leaving this lovely young woman to live HER life the way SHE wants to. She doesn't owe you anything. Treat her the way you'd like to be treated, with respect and kindness.

comments to this post have been limited

harryupdates couldn't have said it better

ynshands i hate those people, who do they think they are???

ynsmybestie i actually broke down crying with her, it was heartbreaking to see and hear

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harrysmoustache

liked by harryupdates, ynshands and 22 101 others

harrysmoustache after years of listening to Harry, i got to see him live. yes, this show was different. Yes, he was disappointed and angry. yes, he wasn't his usual bubbly smiley self. am I going to complain? no. he had a reason to be and its okay. I still listened to my favourite song (fine line) and forgot about my problems. thank you, harrystyles

view all 2 101 comments

harrynewfan hi, im a new fan and don't know what is happening in the fandom yet. could someone explain?

⤷ ynsmybestie harry is in a relationship with YN YSN. and right now, she is receiving a lot of hate because of losing tournaments and taking a break. its all over twitter (she's been trending for a week now)

ynupdates it seems that the situation really got to him. it's so sad to see

ynsmybestie i hope they are okay. i fear them breaking up, like man.... i can't think about it, imma cry

harryshoee did any of you miss what he said on stage???

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twitter

emily saw harry ♡ | harryno1fan

here's a thread of what harry said today concerning the outrageous comments about yn

1) "Your sign says: "I was bullied into changing myself. You helped me find the way back." First of all, you did it yourself because you are the strong individual. Secondly, I hope that those bullies learnt how to use their ability to communicate, right? This show is not a safe place for bullies, any bullies. Treat people with kindness."

11k comments | 34k shares | 74k likes

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emily saw harry ♡ | harryno1fan

2) Right before singing Fine Line: If I may have your attention, please! This song has been very special for a person close to me lately, and I'd like to dedicate it to her. Uhmm, sometimes when life gets hard and everyone seems to be against you, there - there is someone still for you, believing in you. This is for you."

10k comments | 32k shares | 70k likes

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emily saw harry ♡ | harryno1fan

3) After seeing the sign *are you coming to the Roland Garros?* "am I going? of course i am. my girlfriend is defending her title there. of course, I'm gonna be there! what a ridiculous question *laughing*. are you coming? you are. i hope to see you there. she loves the support even though she doesn't want to admit to it."

9k comments | 38k shares | 90k likes

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emily saw harry ♡ | harryno1fan

4) when there were five signs about yn next to each other: "did you coordinate that? no? you don't know each other! that's great! why are you writing signs about someone else on MY concert, hmm? I'm sorry, what? oh, you want to show your support. that's great. that's lovely. I think yn would love to see it. May I take a picture of you guys?"

and he did take a picture of them!!!!

14k comments | 40k shares | 80k likes

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harry LOT | harryupdates

this concert was very different and I think everyone needed it. harry made a clear statement: there is no place for hate and cruelty that people put YN through. and i thank him for that, really. what a great man.

4k comments | 6k shares | 3k likes

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yn my queen | ilovetennis

i am glad that Harry finally spoke up against it

1k comments | 654 shares | 2,1k likes

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ynupdates

liked by harryupdates, ynsmymama and 5 201 others

ynupdates YN via IG stories! thankfully the first round went easy and she's waiting for tomorrow's opponent. can't wait to see another match!

also, yes, i am disabling the comments because haters didn't learn anything.

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harryupdates

liked by ynupdates, tennismylife and 9 201 others

harryupdates HARRY posing for pictures tonight!

edit: the sign said "pose as if yn is taking a picture of you"

view all 2 201 comments

harryshoee this show is looking very promising and we're just few minutes in!!!!

hArrysbtch babes, he looks cuuuuuute

ynsmybestie im in love

yntennisqueen im beginning to like him

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twitter

seeing harry tonight | harryontour

"she's in paris, cause she's defending her Roland Garros title. and she's in the arena to define if I'm a better performer than Taylor Swift. baby, what's the verdict?"

when i tell you i screamed. sorry, screeched at him, i bet if he heard he would think I was possessed.

16k comments | 12k shares | 32k likes

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lily loves harry | lilyamazing

and then they showed yn screaming "you know im a swiftie!" i love this woman

3k comments | 1k shares | 12k likes

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seeing harry tonight | harryontour

the fucking update I have guys...

Harry: your sign says "have you listened to midnights?" have I listened to midnights?! who do you think I am? midnights? pfff. *after a little pause* yes. yes, I did. my girlfriend loooooves it.

and then he walked off singing: karma is my boyfriend, karma is a god, karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend

I LOVE HIM

28k comments | 34k shares | 102k likes

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harry and tay | midnightsqueen

he's a karma stan, slay king!!!!

3k comments | 4k shares | 7k likes

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andrew is right | billhater

oh, so she's going to concerts the night before a match. no wonder she's losing so much.

14k comments | 8k shares | 1k likes

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ynupdates

liked by harrystyles, harryupdates and 47 291 others

ynupdates couldn't imagine having a better response to the haters. yn ysn everybody!

edit: what in the fuck is harry styles doing on my profile??? wtf is yn doing here as well???

view all 6 028 comments

harryupdates👏 this 👏 is 👏 how 👏 you do it 👏

harrystyles can't here the haters when you're slaying

⤷ yourinstagram oh god, harry xD

⤷ ynsmybestie wtf are you doing here guys????

⤷ harryupdates couldn't imagine my Friday going any better, my life is made, I can die happily

⤷ yourinstagram please don't, im going to sue harry if you do

ynsmymama this match was everything. she IS the leader

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harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, ynupdates and 18 291 302 others

harrystyles #22 ❤️🎂

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yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, taylorswift and 2 201 493 others

yourinstagram i don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22!

thank you for all the birthday wishes, i love you all ❤️

comments have been limited

harrystyles happy birthday, baby ❤️❤️

taylorswift and it looks good on you! Happy birthday, YN!

⤷ yourinstagram no way

⤷ yourinstagram thank you so much!!! i love you!!!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi. I heard you answer questions about sex ed and I can't ask anyone this irl since none of my friends talk about any sex that isn't super cishet and allo.

I'm kind of worried I'm asexual and of course I'm ok with other people doing whatever they want with their lives and not having sex whenever and however they want, but I really don't want to not have sex. Except that whenever I think about having sex with a person I'm instantly disinterested. like even fantasizing about myself having sex in a nonspecific disembodied way turns me off.

I worried for a while that it was because I was scared of my body (like a vagina-fear/dysphoria sort of thing, which was probably true) or just didn't have any sex drive, so to figure it out I started trying to masturbate when I was sixteen (my parents tracked my search history on my phone so I actually had to go to the library and find a sex ed book in the adult section and hide the cover with my jacket while I read it just to memorize the diagrams so I could figure out where the hell the clitoris was lmao) and I did like it and was capable of feeling good and orgasming and whatever. but even after I knew that it felt good and I do have a sex drive I'm still not interested in having sex with other people (I'm eighteen now for context, so its been a while). I can't think of one person I would ever even theoretically want to have sex with, including people I know, famous hot people, fictional characters, nothing. I don't want to be asexual but I feel like I have to be because I don't want to have sex with anyone. How can I be asexual if I don't want to be, or am I even asexual? what if I just have high standards, or I haven't met someone I really like yet? what if I am ace and I'm just being ace-phobic because I've internalized the cultural norms that 'sex equals humanity'? I keep having this mental loop where I think about possibly being asexual then I conclude that I'm definitely not asexual then I start thinking about it again. I know I'm supposed to define my own identity, but if I think I'm allo but all of my feelings are the types of feelings everyone says is ace, then what am I?

obviously you're not the mind-reading wizard rabbi of the internet so you can't divine my sexuality from an ask, but do you at least have any advice for figuring it out?

thanks for listening, sorry for the tmi

hi anon,

let's take a big deep breath and calm down a little, okay? it seems like you're overthinking yourself to bastard death and that's not going to help anything at all.

listen, man: the only thing that makes someone asexual is if they decide that's something they want to call themselves. like it's literally just a word to use or not use, and it sounds like you really don't want to use it. labels are meant to be helpful in letting people express something about themselves, so if a label doesn't spark joy, don't use it. simple as that. not wanting to call yourself asexual is no more phobic than me not calling myself a lesbian - I don't have a problem with lesbians, I just personally don't happen to be one.

it sounds like the main thing getting you down here is that you're 18 and like jacking off but haven't ever super wanted to have sex with someone, which is, like, oh man that's so normal. some people just don't have a very high sex drive as it pertains to other people, dude. you've likely only met an extremely small portion of the people you're going to meet in your entire life, and you're going to have feelings and relationships and experiences you can't even begin to imagine with all the people you're yet to meet.

in the meantime, let's channel all of the energy you're spending worrying about being asexual into something that will actually make your life cooler and more fun. might I recommend reading a nice book or perhaps doing some manner of art?

[chubs-deuce]

Something that I hate that ppl do when it comes to hating on Chalastor is saying “Alastor is aroace and Charlie is in a relationship with Vaggie! You’re being disrespectful to both of them!” Even when you explain that’s it’s merely a harmless AU, they still get soooo upset.

Which first off, Alastor is actually ace, not aroace, Amir literally said that himself, and second, just cuz Charlie is with Vaggie doesn’t mean other people are going to ship them, cuz Charlie is bisexual! And thirdly, being ace or aro or both is a spectrum. It’s a wide range of things, not everyone is going to be repulsed. Yeah canon show Alastor maybe repulsed by sex and romance but that’s what AUs are for! They are there for others to expand and change things as they see fit.

Like I think Chaggie is a cute canon ship, but I find Charlie and Alastor and even RadioRose far more appealing and adorable, and especially when it comes to the fanart. Like the fanart! Every piece of Chalastor and RadioRose fanart I have seen is just *chef kiss* ✨perfection✨ seriously your art of Chalastor has got to be my favorite fanart I’ve seen of them, everything is just so beautiful 😭🥹 also I’m a huge sucker for Dad!Alastor

Before I dig into this response any further I'd like to thank you for the high praise of my art, but I'd also like to point out that I don't exactly appreciate the negative tone you're bringing into my inbox here and would like to kindly remind you that my asks are not a confession booth for fandom salt... ^^"

I understand that it can be really frustrating to deal with that kind of stuff, but I feel like a lot of this belongs more in dms than in an ask box that gets responded to publicly...

Fuck knows I have my own not-so-nice opinions about some things certain people in fandoms do, especially considering the nigh constant harrassment some ships are under by other sub-groups of the fanbase, but I vent that shit privately with friends where it won't kick any beehives into a tizzy along the way... It also imo just reflects on the rest of the ship community a bit better to not make big public stinks over some faceless douchebags on the internet with too much time to waste ^^".

(Yes this is an open invitation to just dm me with fandom salt like this if you need to unload some, I'll happily indulge you there! But I really would prefer keeping fandom salt out of my asks and in turn out of my public posts lmao)

Ultimately I'm a strong believer of ship and let ship and I am also of the opinion that if you need to put down another ship to enjoy your own you're not doing the shipping thing right.

Indulging in romantic and/or sexual fantasies about fictional characters is meant to be fun! We're all just sitting in our own little corner making our dolls kiss after all.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people in this modern era of fandom spaces keep forgetting that. For many, shipping is a competition for bragging rights (i.e. canonicity), a form of activism or for yet again others it can be an excuse to mask bully urges and habits as exerting moral superiority (hence the constant, hypocrisy-filled barbs at people not "respecting" their canon sexualities)

Depending on which one you're dealing with, you may get genuine confusion at your shipping preferences since they approach shipping with a completely different mindset (i.e. shipping for canoncity and/or aesthetics over the narrative potential and/or writing quality) or people intentionally trying to bait you into a defensive response.

Sometimes you can argue someone out of their frustration about your lack of "respect" for canon by explaining that what you do doesn't affect canon in the slightest, nor do you even want or need it to - maybe even giving your reasons for shipping something! But that only works on people that are already receptive to your arguments, so you have to know who and what you're up against and if they're even worth wasting that sort of time and energy on.

I can assure you that 90% of the time the easiest option is to just block antis without giving them the grace of a response. It's usually the quickest way to get out of those types of situations lol (ignore them if they start claiming that they "won" and consider you weak or cowardly for blocking them - they just want to guilt you into unblocking so they have more free reign to keep harrassing you)

[centrally-unplanned]

Since I am discussing anime academia today, I was reading another paper that was equally frustrating, along a different axis:

“Do female anime fans exist?” The impact of women-exclusionary discourses on rec.arts.anime

This as a premise is a good concept; someone mining the 90's Usenet anime communities for how the fandom saw female fans back then (the article title is quoting one such thread). So of course, the opening line of this article about the anime fandom in the 90's is....sigh....a reference to Donald Trump:

Commenting on the 2016 American presidential elections, multiple news reporters noted that a relationship could be found between Donald Trump supporters and online anime fans

It of course goes on to discuss Gamergate, 8chan, online right-wing radicalization, references to the "Fascist" themes of Attack on Titan, and on and on. The obvious problem with this is that it is irrelevant; the "methodology" section involves this aside about how they pulled this data from Google Archives but Google is an advertising firm and not a replacement for a real archive and we need to Fight The System and buddy my dude that is not germane to your sample size!!! But more importantly, it is backwards. I don't need to explain the argument here in detail; the article is positing a throughline from 90's anime discourse to modern right-wing internet politics through a sort of 'lock-in' effect of built culture norms around misogyny. Which is fine, you can make that argument - but why is all this future stuff in the first section? You haven't really presented the argument yet! This isn't a book, its not the intro chapter - literally 30% of the text of this article is stating a conclusion upfront, justified not through the text itself but citations to other articles about its truth.

This is something media studies pulled from traditional science - traditional science states "established facts" up front that the paper is building on. But that is because - a thousand caveats aside - in chemistry those facts are....facts. They may be wrong facts, but they can, ostensibly, be objective descriptors. This paper cites "anime is still synonymous with far-right ideologies of white and male supremacy, and events of anti-Blackness" like its citing the covalent bond count of carbon. That is not and never will be a fact one can cite, that is an argument; and its not one that is important for understanding this analysis of Usenet groups. This structure is pulled from other sciences, but it flourishes because it lets you pad the citation count of your peers. Its embarrassing how often you can skip the first 1/3rd of a paper in this field - really the worst possible thing to copy from economics (ding!)

This paper also does the insane thing of jumping between citations from 1992 and events in the 2010's like anime culture is continuous between those time periods. Its an extremely bold claim it just does in the background... but lets set that aside.

This hyper-politicization & hyper-theorizing leads to the second issue of extreme under-analysis. This is the actual value-add of this paper:

From this search, I was able to find the discussion threads “How many females read r.a.a.?” (135 messages; opened on July 13, 1993), “Question: Girls on r.a.a?” (23 messages; opened on February 25, 1994), “Female Otakus” (221 messages; opened on June 25, 1994), “Women watching anime” (72 messages; opened on October 4, 1994), and “Female fans - Do they exist?” (61 messages; opened on October 26, 1995). While these discussions may seem like they were spaces for marginalized users to discuss their experiences, they were often started and overwhelmingly occupied by identified male users. In total, I extracted 252 messages from 1992 to 1996 that were relevant to the gendering of anime fandom, and among those, I classified them as 7 kinds of negative networking discursive practices: (e.g. Table 1. Negative networking practices on rec.arts.anime).

252 messages, five threads - later on it will name other threads, so its more than this, but you get it. It has a bunch of data. And from that data, the article quotes...less than half a dozen examples. There are no quantitative metrics, no threads are presented or discussed in detail from this data set. Some other event is discussed in detail, but again it quotes essentially one person once. The provided "Table 1", the only Table, is a list of the author's categorizations of the data; the data itself is not present. Its file format is a CSV, presumably to mock me for clicking it.

There is, from top to bottom, a complete lack of engagement with the data in question. This would fail an intro anthropology seminar; the conclusion is simply presumed from 1% of the sample size while the rest of the messages are left on read. I just don't think there is any value in that, a handful of messages from 1996 divorced from their context and stapled onto modern politics as a wrap-up. What did the people on this Usenet value? How did they think of women collectively? As anime fans, as outsiders, as romantic partners, as friends? What subfactions existed? Questions like those would presumably be the point of this investigation, but they are treated as distractions.

And this article was, in anime academic circles, a pretty well-trumpeted one. I'm not cherry-picking a bad one here, it was the "hot paper" of the month when it came out. Its just that the standards can be so low, its a field that simply lacks rigor. Which doesn't stop a ton of great work from being done btw, that isn't my point at all. My point is that the great work is not selected for; it goes unrewarded, bogged down by academic standards divorced from discovering real insights.

(I do not think the question "why are they misogynist" ever crossed the author's mind. That should be your literal thesis, and its a ghost. Just ugh.)

[wooahaes]

out for delivery

pairing: none? non-idol!svt with a mention of gn!reader

prompt: that one post i made about reader asking for them to send their cutest delivery guy

genre: comedy. this is just silly stuff teehee

word count: 1.4k~

warnings: food mentions. svt arguing about who is the cutest. i didnt proofread this at all btw its just supposed to be silly goofy fun.

daisy’s notes: this has been in my drafts for over two months.

Junhui was the one who read off your order to the others, only to stop when he saw the special instruction in the delivery spot: send ur cutest guy, pls. 

Of course, being someone with access to the internet, Jun had heard of this kind of thing before. People who throw in instructions like that for fun, or people who ask for things to be drawn on their to-go boxes (he always did those when they popped up--his art skills might not be perfect, but he can draw a little cat saying ‘enjoy your food!’ any day), or sometimes the occasional message from someone to another (the ‘person loves you’ or ‘person says to get well soon’ kind of deal). But this? Here? Well...

“Which one of us is the cutest?” He mused aloud, catching Jeonghan’s attention as he stepped away from the kitchen to wipe the sweat off his brow.

“What?”

Jun nodded toward the screen and your specific instruction. “They asked for a cute delivery guy. Who’s working today?”

Jeonghan paused, musing on the question. “Soonyoung, Wonwoo, Vernon,” he listed off, although he continued to wrack his brain to see if that Namjoon guy was in as well. Nah--Maybe on the weekend when they’re busier and need the extra hands, but three already is kind of overkill as it is.

(Not that any of them are complaining, that is: they’re still getting some sort of payment for all of this.)

“It doesn’t say cutest delivery guy,” Jeonghan said. “Just our cutest guy.”

Seungcheol looked up from his clipboard as he came back, brow raised. “Me?”

Jeonghan scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Obviously, I’m the cutest one here. I’ll make it.”

It was at this point that they’d started gathering the attention of everyone currently in (which, today, had been everyone except for Soonyoung, who was still out on a delivery across the city).

Seungcheol stared at him, “You don’t work delivery--”

“So?” Jeonghan said. “I don’t mind going--”

“You don’t, either,” Jun piped up. “I could run if I need to--”

Seungkwan was finally the one to speak up, “What are you talking about?”

For a moment, the three said nothing. If everyone got into this conversation, it’d be an all-out bloodbath, especially with Seungkwan taking part. Yet Wonwoo, who had been sitting nearby, enjoying his few minutes of rest after his own series of deliveries, looked up.

“Someone asked for a cute delivery guy, and they’re debating about it,” he shrugged, looking back at his phone--although the tiny smile on his face was still evident. The rotten fucker--

“I can go,” Joshua spoke up, as if he wasn’t literally working on your order alongside Mingyu. “Just gimme a sec, I’ll change shirts.”

Seokmin, who had been busy rolling out pizza dough, looked up. “Is this really a debate? I think we all know I’m the cutest one here...”

“Both of you work in the kitchens,” Seungcheol said, “you can’t leave.”

“All of us are in today, and it’s slow right now,” Chan said, already washing his hands of flour, ready to remove his apron in a moment. “You guys won’t miss me.”

“Who said you were going?!” Seungkwan whipped around, “If anyone goes, it should be me! Everyone who comes in tells points out how cute I am!”

Mingyu looked up, a cocky smile tugging at his lips. “Who gets asked out the most here?”

Silence. The motherfucker...

And then Minghao looked up. “They said cutest. Not hottest. Which eliminates all of you--”

“I’m very cute!” Seungkwan huffed, “That’s why it should be me.”

Vernon looked up from his phone, yet another delivery boy who probably should just take the order when it’s ready. “I dunno. I think I’m pretty cute. I could do it. Plus,” he shrugged, “kind of my job--”

“You’re hot and you know it,” Jeonghan spoke up. “Hao has a point. They requested the cutest guy--which means it’s down to Seungkwan, Chan, and I.”

Minghao scoffed, rolling up his sleeves. “Just you three?”

Mingyu had thrown an arm around Jihoon’s shoulders, dragging him from his quiet spot of observation straight into the conversation. “Jihoon should be included, too.”

“Oh? What if this person flirts with him?” Jeonghan chuckled. “They’re paying in cash and Jihoon would probably walk off without it.”

Jihoon’s face turned red. “I’m not that bad--”

“You almost did it last time you had to work the window.”

“They were too upfront!” Jihoon huffed, his face slowly turning red. “If they had said to you what they said to me, you’d run, too! That’s why Jun had to take over!”

“They said you had pretty eyes!”

Jihoon’s face burned with embarrassment. “It was the way they said it...”

As if in his own world, Jun quietly mused aloud, “I think I’m pretty cute,” as he continued looking over the order again.

“And if Jun’s cute, then I’m cute.” Joshua wiped his hands down his apron, turning back. “Jun, does the order say anything else?”

He shook his head. The only note you had put in was the note they were debating about now: send ur cutest guy, pls. Nothing more, nothing less. Hell, none of them even knew why you’d asked for their cutest guy. Was it a joke? Were you kind of desperate for something? Was this going to be the really bad intro to a porno? The questions persisted.

Seungcheol had been the one who pulled your pizza from the oven when it was time, boxing it up and carefully sealing it. “Who’s delivering it?”

Immediately, several people had volunteered.

He rolled his eyes. “Wonwoo, Vernon--”

“I’ll do it,” Seungkwan insisted further. “They asked for someone cute!”

Vernon raised his brows. “Dude, what the hell--”

“You know you’re hot, shut up.” Seungkwan turned. “If they want someone cute, then it’s only between a few of us. Not including Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan gasped, turning around as he pressed a hand to his chest. “I’m angelic--”

“That’s a lie and you know it!”

The bell chimed as Soonyoung made his way in, going completely ungreeted as the conversation continued. He looked to Wonwoo, who merely shrugged in exchange before watching as Minghao began to make the very well formulated argument that he was the cutest (his fairy-like giggle was direct proof, in his own words--the others called him cute all the time for it). Which caused Seungcheol to argue back that if he was including laughs as evidence, then his own could count because plenty of people found it endearing. Soonyoung said nothing, walking over to where the orders were as he began looking through them for another delivery since his break would come later tonight.

“I’m not saying your laugh isn’t cute,” Seungcheol said, “I’m saying you can’t use it as proof when all of us have cute laughs!”

“Some of you sound like a hyena,” Minghao rolled his eyes, “and some of you are too ‘hot’ to be cute! You talk about how handsome you are all the time--”

“Stop, you’ll make him pout,” Jeonghan chuckled from nearby, “and then he’ll really start insisting he’s the cutest of us.”

The bell chimed again, and Jun merely glanced up to see that it was only Soonyoung leaving. He turned back. “People tell me I’m cute. I’m carefree.”

“Childish cute doesn’t count,” Seungkwan said, lips pursed. “I’m cute because of my mannerisms.”

“The same mannerisms you get mad at Soonyoung for imitating,” Seokmin muttered under his breath, only to earn a deadly glare from Seungkwan. “You do!”

Wonwoo looked back down at his phone, wondering if he should have been recording this entire conversation. “I think I’m cute.”

“One of us has to go,” Joshua spoke up, “before their food gets cold. And I think I should do it because I’ll be the fastest--”

“Dude,” Vernon looked up. “I’m pretty fast on my bike.”

“It’s a bike, we’d all be fast  on it,” Minghao scoffed. “Why aren’t one of them doing it?” Minghao gestured toward Wonwoo and Vernon. “They’re the delivery boys!”

“Still on break,” Wonwoo said without looking up, “for another few minutes.” 

Seungcheol opened his mouth to say something--probably about how one of their breaks had already ended by now.

“Also, Soonyoung just left with it,” Wonwoo added casually enough.

Immediately, several pairs of eyes went to where the order had been left... and sure enough, it was gone.

And then chaos ensued, and Wonwoo hid yet another smile as he listened to several people bemoan that little factoid. Yet Soonyoung was pedaling away, completely lost as to what had gone down while he was gone.

(And when he showed up, bragging about the huge tip that you had given him while laughing about the fact the others had been arguing... Well. They knew what was going to happen the next time you threw in that special request.)

taglist: @twancingyunhao​ @synthetickitsune​ @gyulbabie​ @wonuziex​

[idyllcy]

from one admirer to another : blanched?

pairing: leon kennedy x reader || masterpost: from one admirer to another

synopsis: from one admirer to another, an online penpal service, allows for two people with common interests to write to each other without ever revealing their actual address! Luckily for both you and Leon, you get matched up! What do eggs and Christmas even have in common anyway? sure hope it's that modeling business and NOT that Ada Wong addiction.

featuring: reader as scrambled eggs // leon as christmas

Dear steamed scrambled eggs,

I'm so sorry it took a while to get back to you. I landed and immediately started working full-time again. Ugh, the modeling life does not let you down with bookings. My manager told me something about how I'd be busier from now on since I got to walk in Paris this year. My resume is popping... did I use that right. I can't keep up with all this young people lingo and I'm not even old.

I doubt your face card is that bad if what you brought up in our early letters is true. If nearly all of your friends wanted you to get into modeling, then surely there's a reason. It's not like your friends sound like typical models either, so I can only assume that they're actually higher-ranking models or whatever.

Oh. Yes, after this walk, it seems Ada's officially reached supermodel status. She's about to get so much busier... I miss when she had time to attend her local fan events. Well, maybe I'll be like that one day? Who knows. I'm not even big enough for fan events yet.

I'm also starting to have suspicions of who you are. So, if you end up with a stalker... sorry (for reasons this is a joke) but I do have suspicions. I bumped into that roommate of yours while in France. I could put two and two together, but I'd much rather just bump into you again. Surely you won't dodge me when I ask for your number again?

Which brings me to my next point. I did bring you to Paris with me. I had nearly all of our letters boxed up in my suitcase, and it drove my manager mad. My agent didn't care as much since he was seeing his girlfriend, but my manager was going through it. "You don't need a box that big." he said. Skill issue. That's why he's still single (I am too). Oh, oops. My internet persona seems to be seeping into the way I write to you now. Shame.

Which brings me back to the point. No gift this time? Seems I need to step up my game with you a bit. Mm... should get some help from a friend. Ah, right. Favorite flowers?

See you soon (threat) Christmas

It's not hard to put two and two together. If Ada had pointed out the letter with that kind of look in her eye, then there was definitely something she knew. Considering everything about her, it's not hard to deduce that he's been writing to you. You. Literally. From day one, the universe sent you right to him and he didn't even put two and two together until Ada had made it somewhat obvious. It's a little silly of him considering that he did graduate top of his class in the police academy with perfect grades for everything, but it's fine. He's just rusty, or something.

Well, he can't ask her for your address since you probably live with her, but he can most definitely ask someone else who happens to know the two of you rather well.

"Sancho!" Luis laughs. "Fancy seeing you here, eh?"

"Yeah." He hums, closing his eyes as the makeup artist touches him up. "I had a favor to ask of you, Luis."

"Oh, of me?"

"I'd like to send flowers to the model I walked with last time. Surely you can help me out?"

"By doxing them? I don't think so, sancho." Luis shakes his head. "Told 'em you had a crush on them, but they told me there was no way back then. Seems like I was right, hm?"

"Yes."

"Aye... shame. I can't help much. But, I can extend an invite to a certain something." He sends an image to Leon's phone.

"It's like... August right now."

Luis shrugs. "Invites went out a week ago. You'll be our guest of honor. I'll send you further details as we get closer. You can meet them there, sancho."

Leon doesn't have a particularly good feeling about it, but anything to scare you shitless, he assumes.

"Why are you so willing to help?"

"You're a nice man." Luis waves. "You owe me, though."

"Didn't realize we were keeping count."

prev letter : masterlist : next letter

[shizunitis]

old man yells at cloud: shen qingqiu and the fandom

cw: discussions of homophobia, abuse & ableism

this was not supposed to get this long, or this disorganised. there’s also a lot of profanity because i am who i am. i half-apologise. annoyed/-ing yapping continues under the cut. i’ll reward u at the end with something i promise

look. listen. hear me out

i agree that shen “yuan” qingqiu is oblivious and it’s funny to see him panic and scramble for a foothold in the insane world of pidw, but some of you honestly sound like you think he should be drawn and quartered for having trauma.

y’all safely out of the closet, loved, accepted and supported since the womb? is that it? you’ve never hurt someone by believing lies purposely fed to you by “the system”? lies that, when questioned, get you punished or shunned? you’ve never been guilty? you’ve never been scared? you’ve never had to hide a part of yourself to be accepted? you’ve never been frustrated by your loved ones’ insistence that “they know better”?

“mxtx wrote a novel where the internet troll gets his comeuppance for bullying the poor author” cannot coexist with “abuse/pain/unjust punishment cannot give birth to a healthy society”. either you want shen yuan broken and made into something else more palatable to you, or you want him to be free to dote on and protect binghe and heal. it is clear what the story chose to do.

there’s a whole ass novel out here that’s basically screaming “be compassionate! be kind! be vulnerable! accept others as they come! solipsism is a bullshit thought experiment and not some grand theory about the nature of the universe!” and yet you’ve somehow, as if hungry for blood, focused solely on the shortcomings of a lost, inexperienced young man trying to make the best of his situation while being coerced by an omniscient, omnipotent, asshole of a god.

there is no clearer allegory in modern media about the destructive influence of coercion, brainwashing, and thought policing, than the one presented in svsss. and yet! here i fucking am, coffee-less, reading with my own two eyes corpsezun-cold ass takes on the “proper” ways of navigating self-discovery.

i hate having to be the one to tell someone to touch grass, so i’ll just urge you to read something else, something literal and educational about the struggles of queer/disabled/vulnerable people in unkind societies (all of them) and outright hostile ones (most of them). watch documentaries, seek out the elders of your communities, think back on your own unpleasant experiences, speak with people you don’t agree with and approach conversations with curiosity. lurk in fandoms before you post.

this is something you’ve internalised: that a queer person must be pure of mind and spirit to expect compassion. that a vulnerable person you deem weak must not be listened to since clearly, someone else knows better. that someone who makes a mistake/misunderstands something should be shunned, or at the very least berated in spite of having already faced the consequences of their actions.

y’all don’t have to love everyone to be kind to them and understand them. and honestly trying to “punish” a repressed queer man for how he’s choosing to survive in a hostile environment by spouting borderline-cruel bullshit about his thoughts that never leave his brain just tells me that you have done close to no self-assessment and are liable to hurt people by accidentally saying some horrendous shit you don’t even realise is painful to hear.

as you have done, and keep doing, especially when seriously and without a moment of reflection you post non-jokey “haha shen yuan is stupid and oblivious of course that happened. every friend he has trying to assert control over his choices is a just and reparative consequence of his stupid pea-brained attempt to survive. the system was good actually.”

i fucking love making ‘liu qingge was a victim’/‘lmao bingy is horny gripping shizun connect the dots’/‘shizun cannot be trusted outside for more than half an hour’/‘lmao ballad of bingqiu’ jokes because yeah! that happens! you get people who crush on you! people sometimes get infatuated with you! sometimes people get very invested in your life! sometimes people worry and care even if you don’t realise it!and it is somewhat comical in hindsight, a bit endearing, a lot bewildering, but ultimately mundane and entirely human!

until it actually starts affecting you in real ways. until people try to corral your movements because they “can’t trust you to be safe” without listening to you, a grown ass adult who clearly knows something they don’t. until your own mistakes come to bite you in the ass and, when you’ve fucking fixed it, you get berated and judged for it because others’ self-righteousness takes precedence.

good people learn and change and take responsibility for hurting those around them. they allow those who have erred to find a better path forward. they act with compassion and respect for even the most undesirable of their peers.

there are many messages in svsss that you can learn from. while it falls short in some aspects (naturally, by virtue of being written by a high-schooler), it does not fail in presenting a human perspective on fucked-up circumstances and asking you to understand and empathise.

characters are there to hold up a mirror for you. it’s a safe, consequence-free opportunity to look inwards and decide if you’re okay, or if some things might need addressing.

fandom is a playpen and you get to do whatever you want forever to the dolls. but your playmates are real people who, in some cases, are susceptible to your influence, and will be hurt by how you choose to present your commentary. when they leave the sandbox and see the distorted reflection of your arguments come alive in the real world, they will then internalise it, just as you have.

and then i’ll have to read it and it’s, frankly, depressing to see what my Not Homophobic, Very Woke (lie) high-school classmates would say all over again. is that what you want? to be likened to a 15 year-old eastern european boy? really?

obviously i’m not talking about jokes, bits, comedies, haha hehe’s, or fanfic depictions that i may not agree with from a storytelling standpoint.

i’m not the mayor of who-gets-to-talk-ville, but i’ve lived all my life in a deeply homophobic, racist, ableist and economically fucked country of former soviet influence and it just, like, annoys me to see the same sentiments in these kinds of spaces coming from inexperienced/young people who just don’t realise the impact of their own ignorance. i hope i’ve made this clear even if i sound like a finger-wagging dirty-mouthed grandpa yelling at the kids on my lawn.

fuck i’m so tired

anyway. here’s the reward:

ah… that makes me feel so much better. <3

[radioactivemelody]

I was honestly going to post this on my sideblog but fuck it. This is more than QSMP. This is about a real person, a victim. Someone who I have admired since I was very young.

Many people may not know but I am Brazilian and Cellbit is the content creator I have been following ever since I joined the internet. What has been posted yesterday ripped my heart out. I didn't even know she had accused him of such things (because I wasn't on Twitter at the time) so the rawness of my reaction of seeing that is impossible for me to describe.

Non-brazilian people don't know what Cellbit has gone through ever since this started. It has been seven years of constant attacks, hatred and more. The entire internet literally hated him to the point of wishing his death. He had a really, really terrible image. It was hell, it is still hell. Even to this day.

No, I don't know the pain of the things he has gone through but I do know the pain, the exhaustion, the emptiness and hollowness of keeping to yourself amounts of trauma with no one to tell for such a long time. It consumes you, it destroys you day by day. It is an experience I wish for no one.

Another thing I have related to is about asexuality. For a very long time, I have questioned myself several times if I could call or see myself as an asexual. I wondered if it's because I have never dated someone before (I have never felt romantic attraction for someone), if I'm afraid of something or if there is something wrong with me.

I'm kind of cynical about things so I declared that I shouldn't be caring about this that much but from time to time, it keeps coming to haunt me. My own parents keep jabbing jokes at me, asking “why haven't I found a boyfriend yet” or “when I was your age, I also said I didn't want to marry and have children and look at me now”. All of this makes me very, very insecure.

Meanwhile I already have been comforted by a dear friend of mine, I saw myself in those words he described. It made me realize that my experience wasn't unique. That my own questioning wasn't senseless paranoia or babbling. I still am not sure but I'm happy that I'm not alone in this matter. But I am extremely disheartened to learn such things in this way. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

So, please. From now on, solely send him love and care. Let's show him that he has a loving community, people who care about him and wish him just the best of the best. Let's not remind him of the pain but rather the warmth of receiving love and support. Let's be understanding. Let's be kind.

Shall we be humane.

[maxisanangrywell]

Review & Rant Concerning MW3 Reboot

**This has Spoilers for MW3. If you have not played the full game and care about spoilers, please do not read.**

To preface this, hi!! I'm Max is a Well, and I am a writer. I have not published any novels, but I do have one in the works. I have written for plenty of people, including some pretty big fanfiction authors [past tense] (not as impressive as most, but I quite enjoyed it), and I have written my fair share of fan artworks, and then a few half published WIPs are floating around the internet somewhere. I've been writing since I was like, 12 years old. I've done it for the better part of my life now, and I've turned some heads with my writing. If circumstances were better where I could pursue this passion for full-time, I'd probably be really well off by now. All this to say, I'm very much someone who knows a lot about writing, story pacing, emotions dramatics and the whole 9 yards.

I love playing games and immersing myself within what's happening in game, and I got that feeling from MW1 & 2, but 3 was just, a little rough feeling. I can't quite explain it, but it just didn't have the same vibe as the first or second. I enjoyed the narrative although, again really rough story telling. (You're gonna get that in games like this that are essentially propaganda for a certain cause or organization, so I disregard most of it. It's the "look this is cool guys! You wanna do this," kind of thing.)

Then, Price didn't let Soap kill Makarov. Standing from a narrative point of view, we were told this guy 1, is extremely dangerous extremist, and threatening to bring WW3 onto humanity. 2, Brass is worried about this, and if they're worried about it, than we need to be too. (This solidifies that the man is a genuine threat, and that he needs to be treated as such. Often this means, a straight up get rid of this guy.) 3, Price and the 141 have some history with Makarov. Then, to build off this, in the previous game, MW2, we literally were on a to-kill mission for Hassan. So if Makarov is an even bigger threat than Hassan, (and Hassan had MISSILES), then, shouldn't we have killed Makarov when given the chance?

Also to build off this, they are all within the SAS, or have passed SAS selection. They are, narratively speaking, the best of the best within their specific branch. They are more than well trained and specialists when it comes to Counter-Terrorism, which with that would come with knowing things like how to properly debilitate your enemy, knock them out, etc. They would have had done interrogations to get specific information and you can't just bring someone awake to a location to be interrogated. You would have to knock them out or debilitate them prior before moving. Yet, they didn't do any of that. Just, knocked his ass to the ground after a stab to the shoulder.

None of it past a certain point makes any sense narratively, and me as a writer is so fucking pissed. They made Makarov a fucking badass and BBEG for the century, yet they kill off arguably one of the best liked characters? Especially after Neil did so much advertising for the fans and even doing the corny Christmas thing that was all over COD TikTok for a few good weeks afterwards. People were going WILD over the Scot, and Ghost.

One thing you learn pretty quickly when creating content, whether it be games, art, comics, novels, etc... is that you got to feed your fanbase from time to time. You give them an inch, and you'll get a mile. No one needed to die within the third game, especially when it felt so rushed. If they really needed the suspense, then they could have easily injured Soap, and kept us wondering if he was alive, and then revealed him okay within the fourth installment. That would have made people buy the game just to see if their favorite was still around, and who knows, maybe they'd actually enjoy the story and decide to play the rest of the game.

What really pissed me off other than the weird pacing of the stretch of the game is the way they reacted to Soap's death. Now, they didn't have to be horribly torn up at it like Price in the original series, in fact, that would be horribly unrealistic. My mother is a hospice nurse, so she's gotten close to a lot of patients that have passed. Some being really traumatic and saddening ways. She can't cry anymore, but she does grieve, and she grieves hard when it's a patient she's had for a while and gotten close to. You can't look me in the eyes, and tell me these three men who have just spent a year and some change chasing down Hassan, and now Makarov, wouldn't show no emotion when it came to one of their own dying?

Soldiers are friends but more. There's a whole reason there's the saying "brothers in arms" exists. They go through hell and back together, they definitely did in Las Almas, and during Chicago in the second game. So to have barely 2 minutes worth of a cutscene to pay homage to a character that they all bonded so deeply with? I genuinely thought people were seriously joking about it, and then I saw it with my own two eyes and I'm appalled on how they thought that was a good send off both emotionally and narratively. It did nothing. It didn't comfort you, it didn't sound like they were grieving too terribly, it was just, flat. Monotonous. There was hardly any emotion in the lines, and the guys didn't have to be crying, but at least put some emotion in it.

Ghost and Gaz arguably in the reboot are the closest to Soap, so some sort of emotion, like Ghost being just a little choked up on his "Rest in Peace, Johnny" would have been just top tier. You would have been able to gauge so much off of that, and it would have fed the Ghost and Soap fangirls so much. (I know some COD players don't like to hear that, but the fandom shifting is a normal thing to happen, and the new people within the fandom are buying the games to play them just to understand the story and that is absolutely helping the studio and the games preform better. To put it simply, they are now also apart of the integral part of keeping COD alive and well.) Or, Gaz instead of just saying the most generic army farewell thing in the world, instead make a personal promise to bring Makarov to his knees himself. Again, it would gauge so much with his character, how he's feeling, what this death is doing to him, and what his personal goals are moving forwards.

They absolutely, from a narrative position could have done so much better. There are always going to be bugs and glitches in games, especially shooters, but the thing that draws people in and keeps them coming back, is the story and the characters. At the end of the day, this was not only a horrible story decision, but also is probably going to hurt them a lot when concerning the next game release. The newer crowd hardly has a reason to come back to see the new game. If Soap, a beloved character was treated this way, how are they going to treat Price, Gaz or Ghost if they die? I'm incredibly disappointed, they had an amazing story, amazing VA's, amazing graphics and design. The COD fandom was seriously getting a much needed breath of fresh air, new life was coming in, and they just tossed everything out the window.

TL;DR:: As a writer, the decision to kill off Soap was extremely horrible from both a monetary and narrative standpoint. It didn't move the story forwards, create any friction, and he didn't even have a decent send off. This is probably going to kill the new growth the COD fandom was experiencing, which in turn is definitely going to hit the studio's pockets. How much is yet to be seen, but I've seen a lot of new-blood say they weren't satisfied and aren't looking at purchasing the next game. Me included.

[idontknowreallywhy]

It was the fic nobody asked for… but then literally 3 people showed a flicker of interest so… *flings wip at internet*

🚀💥🚀💥🚀💥🚀💥🚀💥🚀💥🚀💥🚀💥

Extract of Discord Chat between rocket45boy and Anarchy_Queen_Est43

***

So - big news!

***

You beat the Undead Overlord???

WITHOUT ME??

***

No, you daft idiot we have a hot date with that guy tonight.

***

Oh! Yeah! Cool.

Looking forward to it!

Usual caveat for if I’m not there it’s not personal just my part time job thing is a bit random with times and all.

***

Yeah yeah Mr Mysterious.

Anyway…

***

Sorry! What news, my Queen?

***

I’m not going to college!

***

Wait, what?

Don’t tell me they turned down your scholarship?!! Those ignorant bastards!

***

Calm down mate, no I did get that, but am not gonna need it.

***

Has someone said something? Don’t let the losers get in your head.

Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean you have so much potential??

You’d smash college!

***

Slow doooown, RB!

I’m not just bumming out.

I have a job!

***

Oh!

Uh, ok what kind of job?

***

Not 100% clear yet but it’s in experimental digital tech field and a shedload of training on the job and best bit is…

Drumroll please…

***

What? What?!!

***

ACCOMMODATION INCLUDED!

**

Oh! You get out of the CL hellscape!!

***

YESSSSSS!!!!!

***

Oh Anar that is so cool!

Wow.

That must be a relief.

***

Yeah. Oh you have no idea.

I mean maybe you do have a bit of an idea - I’ve gone on about it enough, right!!

Like, I wish them well and all but… my ‘neighbours’ are just constant drama. The only one I’ll miss is Clarry. Might see if I can put a good word in for him when I get settled.

***

Well, congrats! When do you start?

***

Tomorrow!

***

Oh!

Wow that’s fast!

***

Yeah the guy is keen to start on whatever this new project is so - tomorrow I get on a private jet to somewhere awesome!

***

Ok. Wow. You weren’t wrong that’s huge news

I’m really pleased for you

***

Chin up rocketboy, it’s a tech job, gaming has gotta be part of the job description! We’ll still hang out ;)

***

:) Good to know!

I really am pleased for you

Ok I gotta run but, see you later for overlord-crushing?

***

See you later alligator!

***

In a while crocodile…

[that-ari-blogger]

Witch Side Are They On? (Young Blood, Old Souls)

Hero and villain are nebulous terms, the definitions of which can be taken to mean literally any character. Although, almost everyone knows one when they see one. It's a vibes based classification. Nobody is trying to argue that The Joker is a paragon hero (except some people), for example.

Certain characters break from the mould, with some protagonists displaying more morally challenged motivations or methods, some villains being redeemed, and some "morally grey" heroes ending up being written as power fantasies and you can usually tell when that happens.

I find the classification of characters rather redundant, as people have a habit of being complex. Sure, I have met people who fit stereotypes to a tea, but they are the exception not the rule, and the more you get to know someone, the less tropey they seem to you.

So, instead, I would like to examine the actions that The Owl House frames as evil, as well as the point at which the series decides a character is no longer redeemable.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (The Owl House)

Because good and bad are subjective, and this is the internet, I am going to define heroic and villainous actions in this context as "behaviours that The Owl House presents as desirable and undesirable" respectively. Knowledge, expression and kindness are heroic in this context, and willful ignorance, cruelty, and repression are villainous. Ok?

These themes are really well emphasised by the light and dark motif going on. Luz's name literally means light, and she is very much associated with that concept through her magic.

Compare that to Belos, who has managed to spend the entirety of the series up to this point either in literal shadows or figurative ones. We haven't seen him outside in the daylight; we haven't even seen what he looks like yet. The man exists in darkness.

What I mean by this, is light reveals, shadows conceal. A light can bring hope, show you the way out, or let you glimpse the beauty of an artwork, if someone keeps you in darkness, your eyes will adjust eventually, but you won't be seeing the full thing.

Now, here's a question: what exactly is Lilith's motivation? The flashback gives her a history, and shows her actions and sacrifices, but it doesn't redeem her by any stretch of the imagination.

Lilith made a sacrifice for power. She has been chasing Eda because of Belos, and we will get to that. But the curse was her own misdeed, and I think its fascinating how the concept of willful ignorance plays into that.

"I thought it would just be for a day."

Now, I don't know what was on that scroll. Maybe it came with a sticky note that says, "guaranteed 24-hour magic removal or your money back". But, it takes some serious mental gymnastics to decide that the thing you wanted to do because you wanted to do it with someone was worth sacrificing that someone to achieve.

And when the curse turned Eda into the beast, it never occurred to Lilith to tell anyone. I think providing evidence of the magic that caused it might have helped to fix it, but Lilith kept it a secret.

Also, if you see a system that outcasts your closest family member and TURNS PEOPLE IT DOESN'T LIKE TO STONE, and you devote yourself to upholding that system "because of all the good it does", you are deliberately ignoring some major factors.

So, Lilith engages with the theme on two fronts, she keeps the world in the dark about her own actions, and she actively ignores things about the world she is in, and that is the key here. Lilith is presented as highly intelligent and rational, but someone the clever should surely notice some things that she very much doesn't. Which leads me to believe that she is either unintelligent and rational, or intelligent and irrational.

I don't think Lilith is a villain in the series, entirely. I think she is an antagonist, and thematically opposed to the heroes. But the motivation for the specific acts of antagonism are, fundamentally, altruistic. She wants to heal her sister. The problem is that being motivated by guilt and compassion doesn't square with the actions she has taken to get to this position. So naturally, she ignores the incongruities until she runs face first into them, and her redemption comes later through her actions and decisions to seek out and understand.

Belos plays an interesting role in this as well. I mentioned in my previous post that Belos manipulates her agency out from underneath her, and I stand by that here for two reasons. 1) Belos is the system she has bought into. He has directly and intentionally, through propaganda, convinced a world that wild magic is bad and that sacrifices must be made. 2) He found a woman who was conflicted about her actions and saw a way to get rid of the most powerful witch in the boiling isles.

So, Belos too features the theme of wilful ignorance, imposing it on the boiling isles, and making use of Lilith's blind spot to further his own goals.

I've mentioned Belos' restriction of expression in the past multiple times, but there is one more of the core themes that the emperor engages with, and I think the way in which he does that is rather funny. Belos is cruel, and it is constantly tripping him up.

So, what spur's Lilith's redemption? She gets shown her actions are wrong immediately after performing them, so it can't be realisation. So, what is it that prompts her to reconsider her life choices? What causes the leader of the coven heads to bail? Lilith backs out of the coven system because Belos is a jerk.

Belos could have kept the manipulation going. He could have said that he tried and failed to heal Eda's curse. He could have said that Eda attacked him and left him no choice. But instead, he decided to gloat.

"Ah, taking her to the healing ceremony?" "I will not be healing her." "But, you, promised me." "Don't be so naïve, Lilith."

This isn't even the only time the man's desire to gloat self-sabotages him in this episode. So, let's get to that fight scene.

"Okay, I'll play."

I feel the need to point out that Belos wins the fight part of this scene hands down. I recommend UnholyBasil's excellent video on this scene, but suffice to say, anyone with the power to instantly quadruple the animation budget for a moment is a terrifying threat, and Belos is definitely that.

Up until now, the emperor was just an ideological roadblock. The antagonist has been the coven system and the Emperor's Coven that want to restrict magic. Belos has simply been the guy at the head, the one Luz must symbolically defeat.

But now, Belos barely has to lift a finger, and Luz is on the back foot. She can't even touch him. And that is the key to why the ending of the fight is so cool. Belos is untouchable, emotionally and physically, so Luz does both. She puts a crack in his armour, not enough to defeat him, but enough to break the facade he has put up and make him look like an Undertale character.

Remember what I said about self-sabotage? Well, it happens again here. Here is someone who is trying to kill Belos, someone with magic that he has seen. And he decides to waltz up to her and present his face as a target, just because he wants to needle at her mind, the man would have succeeded had he been intelligent.

That is my takeaway from Belos. He is an eejit with delusions of grandeur. Don't get me wrong, the man is a decent manipulator, but his inability to look past himself and his need to be cruel repeatedly puts a dampener on his whole mastermind shtick.

Also, he didn't think to check for the obvious glyphs on the side of the suitcase he was given, he just assumed he had won and didn't feel the need to make sure. Are we sure this guy is clever and not just charismatic?

Now, I haven't talked about Luz or Eda much, and I think it's time to rectify that.

Lilith's character design is a mirror of her sister's. She is restricted in her dress, and perfectly symmetrical. Eda meanwhile is unkempt and wild, with the torn outfit making her look unbalanced and volatile.

The Clawthorn sisters also have a Red Oni, Blue Oni motif going on between them, a trope about characters with a duality to them that has shades of colour symbolism and mythology thrown in for spice.

According to TV Tropes:

"The Red Oni is associated with passion, wildness, and defiance. The red oni character is often more brawny than brainy, extroverted, enthusiastic, determined, and filled with a zest for life. They are also much more likely to break conventions and rules than their counterpart."

Meanwhile:

"The Blue Oni is associated with serenity, control, and observing authority. A Blue Oni is more intellectual, proud, traditional, introverted, and cultured."

I those two don't sum up Eda and Lilith respectively, I don't know what does. And if you have been paying attention, the colour symbolism there appears in the designs of the two. Lilith bears more cool colours, with the blueish hair, eyes, and gem, while Eda scraps all subtlety and just wears red and orange.

So, Eda and Lilith represent two ends of the spectrum, chaotic and lawful. But its notable that when Lilith gets redeemed, she doesn't lose the logical, heavily rationalised mindset, she loses the restrictions. She ends up being free to be whomever she wants, and that person doesn't have to be as overtly wild as her sister.

Luz and Belos, however, are extremely similar characters, with one Luz and Belos, however, are extremely similar characters, with one main difference. One is kind, one is cruel. In terms of character mechanics (how they approach problems), that is the main difference. The rest of their actions come as a result of this dichotomy. Both have a form of main character syndrome, for example, but where Luz wants an adventure and to save the world, Belos wants to remake the world in his own image.

I'm not saying they are identical, or that they are the same character, I am saying that they are similar except for the most fundamental of points, derived from this difference of kindness vs cruelty. All of the lessons that Luz learns but Belos ignores, come from selflessness, all the differences come from expanding out this over and over again until you get a hero and a megalomaniac.

They are both charisma-based artificers, but they have different alignments, and that has led to them making different choices, and leading different stories that have clashed with each other. They started in a similar place, but because of the one difference, their paths diverged wildly.

Final Thoughts

Belos is a villain who would be right at home with Wiley Coyote if he wasn't so terrifying and megalomaniacal, because he cannot stop bringing about his own downfall in spectacular fashion.

I wanted to find the Tolkien quote about evil destroying itself for this post, but instead I found something that sums up The Owl House really well.

"You have to understand the good in things, to detect the real evil."

Tolkien was a man who fought in both the first and second World Wars, including the battle of the Somme, and yet he was a profoundly optimistic man, as well as being a realist. His most famous work is about someone small accomplishing a great thing against all the odds because evil cannot comprehend the simple acts of kindness.

That, transformed by generations of nerds, has resulted in The Owl House, where a villain, by dint of being clad in gold, can only shine by reflecting the light of the protagonist. And he cannot comprehend the simple kindness of community, and harmony.

Light, do not faulter.

Next week, I am diving straight into the next season, with Separate Tides, and the introduction of the woobie, so stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[yourtouchismidas]

matty talking abt reader in interviews and just being like. so in love AAAAAAA sorry i know this isn't like a gigi related request but i love their relationship so much literally one of my fav book romances

don't worry about them not being gigi related! i love boyfriend, baby daddy matty too!

i don't think he talks about you too much because he wants to keep your privacy. but when he does it is so obvious how much he is in love with you. i think he talks about you inadvertently though talking about his music. like an interviewer will be like, "so this album is so classic 1975 yet it has this almost upbeat, optimistic twist that runs through the whole album that we don't see from you guys as often. is that something you intended?"

and matty is like "it's not something i necessarily intended while writing its just. we write from where we are in our lives and to understand our lives and i just am in a place right now, with life, and love, where everything just feels you know, dreamy, for lack of a better word and i do think that comes out in this album a lot. i do think there is fear in it too, in that, when you've been through those hard dark times and you are finally at a place where you're you know, so in love, and carefree and comfortable and supported, that that for whatever reason might go away. and also i guess, you know, on like track seven, where it's about this relationship where you love someone so much that sometimes it's just explosive, and like too explosive, how being in love that hard, can kind of cause you to hurt each other with it and you're fighting because of some inane shit but really its just cos of how much you love each other. so yeah. there is a lot of optimism in it. but a lot of other emotions that come with this depth of love i'm experiencing right now, you know? it's fun. to get to play around with music to express that."

and then there is other times, those rare times, where he straight up mentions you. maybe he does a "what's on my phone" interview and the background is a picture he took of you, looking all pretty on the beach. and he's like "background is my missus, obviously. because look at her. stunning. and then we unlock it and okay, last text message i sent. missus. obviously again haha. hopefully this is appropriate for the internet. what does it say. oh right." he laughs and he reads it out but it's a private joke between the two of you that no one else would ever get. while he is doing the interview you text him. "oh look missus has just text me. saying i love you. what a simp." but then he makes a kiss at his phone and says "i'm just gonna text back to that is that okay?" the interviewer says yes so he replies love you too darling xxxxxx "lots of kisses," he says to the camera, "i'm a lover like that."

[reasonsforhope]

Thank you, stranger, for making this blog. You are truly a kind, beautiful soul. Thank you for existing for the world. Many of us appreciate you!!!! Thank you!!!!! /vvvvvvvgen

...now to me. I'm sorry for adding for your huge askbox as is, genuinely...

I naturally, without thinking, don't act like my real personality because it's been shunned dozens of times across my entire life. It's not fundamentally flawed (I know that, 100%--we all have flaws, ad I absolutely wasn't a terrible person for expressing them). Nonetheless, all I know is that the person I act like everyday of my life since I finally snapped and started doing this whole thing two years ago -- almost three -- is not who I really am. You know when you put on a shoe that, while your foot can fit inside and you can walk around just fine, you know it's just not your size because it doesn't feel right at all? That's me and my "personality"...people thought I was weird when I showed my genuine personality. I was just...pretty different than most. some comments I've got on my old personality:

"You're ...... Weird." (said with a thinly hid derogatory tone)

"Stop. You're not one of us."

"Why are you talking like that?"

"Sensitive. No one likes you."

And the one that finally made me snap:

"Stupid." (the person who said this then continued top he conversation as normal. Not acknowledging my stunned reaction.)

In addition, for a couple months I got treated like a dog. A literal dog.

I basically got treated like an outcast.

I know the personality I've left buried for so long has grown on its own, with me. It wasn't totally neglected and in fact is still here. It's just hidden behind this mask...which I can't take off. Because I literally don't know how. It's become such a habit to be someone else that I don't even fully, consciously know who I genuinely am today...it's hard. I hurt. A lot. I'm terrified of being vulnerable in any way, now. Just curled up in a shell.

...what am I to do? Where am I even going to begin? I feel lost. All I know, in the depths of my heart, that there is hope. There is always hope yet. That is something I've always known.

So what now? I'm scared, tired, and unsure. Is there anything I can do, anymore, at all? To figure out, and then be, who I know I am, deep down?

Thank you for reading, if you did. From the bottom of my heart--thank you. Thank you.

Sincerely,

#🎈🌠🐘

<3 <3 <3

Thanks so much <3 And fwiw for anyone wondering, it's not HUGE huge, I've got like 45 asks and dms to get to, but it still feels pretty big for me, a person who has def never had that happen before. Hoping to try to answer a batch of 2-4 of them on the weekends

Also, in terms of the rest of it.... Sorry if I'm overstepping, and definitely not to do that "diagnose people over the internet shit," but have you ever looked into whether you might be autistic or some other flavor of neurodivergent. Because as an autistic person, I see a Lot of my own experiences in what you've written

Regardless of whether you have or not, and whether you're autistic or not, I definitely know what it's like to deal with that kind of shit and bullying, and how trying to mask your own differences can twist you up inside. I had a problem with compulsively lying for a while in high school because of how ingrained "covering for myself" became - so I get how unsettling it feels when this shit becomes something you can't consciously control

Because there's so much overlap, I'd actually recommend looking into books and resources from the autistic community in masking and the difficulty of unmasking, regardless of whether you're autistic or not. A lot of the traumas are similar, too, so if you're at that level of "burying," I really think you'll be able to get something out of it no matter what

(This applies to anyone reading this who has also had to deal with that kind of shit or has found themselves doing something similar.)

Also, you should definitely look into trauma work (and "complex PTSD") and see if there's anything helpful to you there--there's a lot of really effective, evidence-based stuff out there about how to untangle your nervous system, because that kind of social rejection and isolation is absolutely/inherently traumatizing

Some Resources

Masking stuff:

Seven Steps to Unmasking as a Neurodivergent Person

What Is Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)? from Healthline

Autism Masking: To Blend or Not to Blend from Healthline

This is an assessment for social masking. It's written about autism, but I think a good amount of it would be applied to other types of masking like this.

Trauma stuff:

What Is Rejection Trauma? from TherapyMantra

Healing from Rejection Trauma from CPTSDFoundation.org

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo

And if none of that helps you...there's definitely a lot of other stuff out there. There's things like journaling, which are a huge help with this sort of thing. Figuring out who you are underneath it all takes time and feels super weird and it's not easy, but I have faith you can do it. Don't give up, just keep moving forward

[takami-takami]

Okay this is long but RANT ABOUT MY JOAB.

The more people I talk to about the situation, the more I realize that my supervisor just did not care to teach me.

She told me to "run a workshop" (i have literally no idea what they looked like) and gave me no oppurtunity to shadow someone, so when the one I came up with from my own brain flubbed, i didnt know what to do. Because I am not a fucking social worker yet! I have no idea what the fuck a workshop is!!!

What do you MEAN that's my fault, that's not my fault! I came up with one out of my ass because I repeatedly requested and asked for you to please please please clarify what you mean and give me an example and you refused and told me to just do it. You gave me "old example slides" that show nothing but bullet points that the person was using as a visual guide; I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH THIS.

So when it came time to do it in a mock workshop with you and the social worker on site, and I had anxiety and cried, how was I blamed for that? You were scrolling on your phone the whole time anyway! Tf was I supposed to do?! YOU NEVER TRAINED ME AND TOLD ME TO MAKE SOMETHING UP!!!!

But honestly. It sucks sooooo bad. I talked to multiple people about this and they said they would cry too like ?????

I ASKED to shadow someone. You said you would let me shadow someone first, then forgot, and said "that's not happening"

I even tried explaining. "I have my slides and activity ready to go, but I do NOT know what kind of behaviors to do when running a workshop. I have never seen one before, so I do not know what behaviors to do or how to act." And she looked at me like i was stupid.

BITCH THIS IS YOUR JOB!!! YOU ARE OFFICIALLY CLASSIFIED AS MY "INSTRUCTOR".

And during supervision, I had to repeatedly say, "listen, the supervision form says I need to discuss this with you" and she would shoo me away. Until i read the actual questions one by one saying, "Discuss with your supervisor xyz" so she would know i could not answer it on my own bc who else am i supposed to discuss with?!

She made me work the front desk and make coffee. HOW DOES THAT HELP ME WITH SOCIAL WORK

For god's sake, she told me to come up with resources for their page during one of the times I expressed that we should probably address clients needs in a more substantive way and she said "use the internet" when I asked how exactly I was supposed to locate these services

She told me multiple people have complained to her about the personalities at the annex like YOU THINK!?

It's like. Your mission says you do all these things for clients but the rooms are literally completely silent here. The only reason clients come is to sit in the lounge and drink free coffee and do their homework. That is literally all.

And she would just be on her fucking phone like wheeeeere is the service? Are you taking this seriously at all? Because you're supposed to be a fucking social worker.

Their "connecetion to resources" is just pamphlets on the front desk and links on their canvas page that you need an INVITE to get access to. And it only has the fucking state 2-1-1 information. Remote and travelling students have complained MULTIPLE TIMES how unsupported they are by the university, that's a need there. ADDRESS IT.

Like. Does anyone even KNOW about these "peer consult" services? Like genuinely, do they, because the sample learning contract you gave me from a previous student barely mentioned peer consultation at all. And peer consult isn't social work either. Social work is a fucking academic profession, not a volunteer program.

Like genuinely what the FUCK do you do to reach disenfranchised populations? WHERE IS THE SOCIAL SERVICES? Like you're combatting food insecurity for the ten fucking people who drop in a day by giving free snacks and lunches i GUESS. But like genuinely what the fuck else?

It's lazy. It's stupid. NO ONE is going to actually bring up criticisms to you in your stupid fucking check in form because they came here to study and don't have time for that. It's YOUR job to conduct focus groups or needs assessments or DEDICATED SURVEYS with the clients.

And the fact that she had the AUDACITY to ask me if I would be comfortable "walking up to people and asking if they need help" when I mentioned micro work. Yeah, okay, let me walk up to Bill and he'll tell me "yes actually I need help with finding housing assistence given my current landlord is upping the price of rent and I cannot afford it with my new expenses of adopting a dog. Can you refer me to pet food banks and housing assistence programs? Thanks a bunch!" NO THEY'RE GONNA FUCKING SAY "i'm fine thank you :)"

IT'S SO STUPID!!!!!

[dangerous-disposition]

here i have found some peace of mind [WIP Wednesday Snippet]

This is from my "Steve is a group housing coordinator (like I am irl) and Eddie is a rockstar who's coming to Steve's hotel except due to a typo and Eddie being an idiot, Steve thinks he's been talking to the tour manage, 'Chris Cunningham' the whole time" AU so yeah, Chris? Is Eddie. It's Eddie. He's dumb. Also, in this fic Steve is trans! It's just... important that y'all know that.

“Heya, Stevie! You kinda sound like shit, man.”

Steve laughed humourlessly, even as something loosened in his chest at hearing Chris’ voice. “Thank God someone knows how to use my actual name,” he blurted before he could stop himself.

There was a pause before Chris sternly said, “Of course. What sort of asshole doesn’t use your actual name if they know it?”

“You’d be surprised,” Steve said vaguely, minimizing his emails so he didn’t have to look at them while on the phone with Chris. “What’s up, Chris?”

“Honestly? I’m just kind of bored and I missed chatting with you yesterday,” Chris replied, and his tone was so sincere that Steve felt bad that he was in such a messed up mood. “I know you’re on the clock, but if you have time…?”

Steve tapped his pencil against his notebook as he considered. He was in a rotten mood, but he already felt himself settling back into his skin, feeling a lot less jagged and wrong just after a couple minutes listening to Chris’ voice. That was a bit scary to consider, given the nature of their relationship. This guy shouldn’t have that much power over Steve’s moods, yet he did.

Remembering Robin’s suggestion from the day before, Steve decided to try that.

“Listen, Chris, I’ve had a really shitty day and talking about myself would suck for you,” Steve started slowly, taking a deep breath. “Maybe you could tell me about you? It feels like I do most of the talking…”

There is another long pause. “I dunno, man, there isn’t much to say about myself…”

Steve’s stomach dropped at the deflection. So, did that mean the interest was just casual on Chris’ end? He didn’t want to open up because he was just looking for a quick fuck, nothing more? Steve lied to himself and decided he could live with that, probably.

“Okay, sure. I’ll have to talk to you some other time then,” Steve said, his voice going tight.

“Steve, wait, don’t hang up. I didn’t—there’s just not a lot to talk about that isn’t already all over the internet, y’know?” Chris laughed a bit and added very quietly, “like, I’m surprised we’re even still talking at all at this rate.”

Steve frowned at the last bit, and reconsidered his decision not to sleuth out who the band was. Was there some shady details surrounding Chris Cunningham or the band he was managing the tour for?

“Dude, you—I haven’t even looked up the band you’re managing. I have no idea who you or the band is,” Steve admitted, and the startled laugh he received brought a smile to his face. “Besides, why would I take what the internet says about you when I could get the real details directly from the source? Would you look at my socials and decide you knew me just based on that?”

Chris chuckled. “I mean, I have peeked at your socials, Steve,” he confessed and Steve felt his blush all the way down to his bellybutton. “I didn’t do much digging, I promise! I just—I’m very visual and wanted to put a face to your voice.”

“No, you’re all good, my public socials are, well, public for a reason,” Steve said with a laugh, chewing his lip a bit. “You, uh, like what you saw?”

Chris gave a quiet groan. “You’ve no idea, big boy,” he confessed softly, his voice deep and rumbling through the line, raising goosebumps up the back of Steve’s neck. Then Chris took a deep breath and asked, “okay, Stevie, what do you want to know about me?”

Everything, Steve almost said and he barely stopped himself. “You mentioned your uncle once. Can you tell me about him?” he said instead, and Chris’ laugh was beautiful.

“My Uncle Wayne, literally one of the best things to ever happen to me, honestly,” Chris sighed.

“Only one of the best things?” Steve questioned curiously.

“I mean, the band actually making it makes that list,” Chris laughed, then added, “getting to talk to you is on there, too.”

“Shut up,” Steve laughed, blushing at how genuine Chris managed to make that absolute line sound. “Okay, tell me about your uncle.”

The next couple weeks passed with daily phone calls from Chris where he vaguely talked about his life prior to the band taking off, about the band mates and their antics. He mentioned a YouTube channel briefly once, and Steve was tempted to find it but… he liked getting to know Chris without that crutch. Steve liked the mystery of not knowing what Chris looked like.

Steve was really smitten with the way Chris talked about the people in his life, the way his tone would turn so painfully affectionate that Steve could see the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Did Chris have dimples? He hoped Chris had dimples. Steve was always a sucker for dimples. Steve couldn’t help but wonder if Chris told his friends about their conversations, and if Chris spoke about him with that same tone.

If Steve also became a bit more active and a bit sluttier on his socials knowing Chris was maybe monitoring them, that was his business.

Aaaaaand, the taglist! @thegingerrapunzel, @xenon-demon, @extra-transitional, @patchworkgargoyle, @mylilplanet, @inairbinad, @scarcrossdlvrs, @indigohightide, @steve-harringtits