#i am made for places of at least 100000

[soldier-poet-king]

My dad and uncle keep looking at properties in rural Ontario and striaght up I would rather fuckin die. When I said I hated the suburbs this si NOT what I mean. I want walkable small cities. Lots of local arts and restaurants. Tons of green spaces. Community gardens. Culture and libraries and things to do. I've BEEN to the town they keep looking at and there isn't even a public library. It's entirely white people and majority super conservative. I can't get any good food there. No where to shop. My university had SIGNIFICANTLY more students than the entire population of the area. What the fuck what the fuck

I know I will not be moving and this is probably just them talking shit but like. Stop shoving it in my face esp when I'm visibly uncomfortable and asked them to stop forcing me to discuss it. I want walkable small cities where I can grow some vegetables and go to local productions. Not....that. I'm already beyond isolated and you want me to go to a place like that??? It may be good for some ppl, not for me. I can barely last a week in my dad's town without wanting to kill someone.

This is so stupid but I walked in the door after work already worn out and upset despite getting off early on Friday for summer hrs and they were like. Surprise. Do this. We're serious. I'm too tired for this

It's so stupid to be upset about bc even if it does happen and my mother is convinced it won't be before I get permanent work and can leave but I am so tired this is the last straw. I am going to make a drink even tho it is not yet 4pm.

[whumpback-wail]

05 - Divulgence

Trial by Fire (Wriothesley x Reader) - TW/CW in masterlist

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IMPORTANT NOTICE: Reminder that this fanfic contains dark and mature themes. The TW/CW are in the masterlist and are constantly updated as I add each chapter. Please reread the warnings, proceed only after you reread the warnings. If you don't like/can't handle the topics mentioned in the TW/CW, please DO NOT read. This work is 100000% fictional and any similarities to real life people and events are purely coincidental, and none of the characters (especially the villains) are real. Again, please DO NOT read if you are not certain you can handle these topics or are in a bad place mentally. Minors are strictly forbidden. I only create content, and I am not responsible for your personal content preference and moderation.

They say being pregnant means everyday is another day closer to meeting the love of your life. One anticipates meeting the fruit of their love with their spouse, looking forward to the bright sunshine days of taking care of that precious someone.

(y/n) did not understand that feeling. In fact she felt the exact opposite, as she slid down the walls of the bathroom, legs too weak to support her own weight. The pregnancy stick in her hand fell to the floor, bouncing to a stop face up, showing the positive sign. Why does this happen to her? What did she ever do to deserve this?

She has to call nurse Komaki, she will know what to do. The thing was still a cell after all, with no soul not consciousness, it should be perfectly fine. It would be so much more cruel to keep the innocent being and let it be born, only for them to later be neglected and unloved. No child deserves that. Not even one born from being forced into her womb by the person she despised the most.

It was nearing lunch, and she knew her fiancé would be back by then, he always makes time to have lunch with her. She has to tell nurse Komaki fast.

(y/n) took several deep breaths to calm herself, and then slowly got up to her bed again, pressing the call button.

A few moments later, she heard the door open.

"Nurse Komaki, I-" (y/n) turned her head, and came face to face with a different nurse altogether. It was not Komaki.

"I'm sorry, nurse Komaki is away right now, her shift will start later tonight. Is there anything I can help you with, miss (y/n)?"

(y/n) blinked back her tears, "n-no. It's okay, nothing too serious."

The nurse stood there, contemplating. "Are you sure miss?"

(y/n) nodded, racking her brain to think of an excuse or anything to justify calling a nurse to her room for nothing. "oh umm… may I have some water please?"

"Sure. It will be delivered here in a moment. Don't hesitate to call me if there's anything else that you need, okay?"

(y/n) hummed and thanked her. She watched as the nurse exit her room. She wanted Komaki, she's the only nurse (y/n) trusted at this moment, especially with something like this.

It wasn't long until the water is delivered to her room, which arrived at about the same time as Wriothesley.

He greeted her with a smile. It normally made her feel safe and loved, but right now, (y/n)'s heart sank to her stomach

"Hey, how's my sunshine doing?"

He leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the forehead. Wriothesley knew he should be careful around her, as her therapist had suggested to him, at least until she is less jumpy and can initiate affectionate gestures more. So far she's taking his affections very well, which made him happy about her progress.

"As usual," (y/n) forced a smile, briefly looking into his eyes before quickly averting her gaze back to her hands. She picked at a loose string on her blanket. 

Speak more, he will notice something is off.

"The healers were a great help to my physical injuries. But they kept stopping after a little while, saying I should rest up because the sped up healing is also draining my energy."

Wriothesley nodded, "I was told, yeah. How's your stomach? Got anything you're craving to eat?"

(y/n) froze. "What?" She managed to not stammer, but her voice cracked as her heart was suddenly frozen with fear. Did he find out? How did he know-

"Just wondering how your stomach felt." Wriothesley tilted his head, confused. It was a small quirk she had found endearing.

"The doctors did say you can only eat soft food for a while to avoid refeeding syndrome, but yesterday you were finally allowed to start eating bread and some fowl. Also because you threw up yesterday."

"Oh…" (y/n) felt stupid, "it's alright now, although I don't really feel like eating."

Wriothesley watched her for a moment. He has always been someone perceptive, that's how he knew who to trust and who to avoid in meropide while still serving his sentence, and that's how he could rise through the ranks and become the duke, despite his humble beginnings. At that moment, something is off about his fiancée.

“Darling are you okay?” he took her hand in his, his other hand brushing loose strands of her hair behind her ear, “I feel like you have something weighing your mind. You know you can tell me anything, right?”

For a moment, (y/n) wavered. Is it really okay to tell him about her pregnancy? She knew Wriothesley wouldn’t blame her, after all, what happened was not something she wanted, far from it. So technically it’s not her fault right? But a small nagging voice in the back of her mind telling her to just keep it to herself for now. There were too many what ifs. It’s safer to just keep quiet about it and deal with it under wraps. She’ll tell him, of course she will, but not now.

“I’m fine,” she forced herself to look into his eyes, a small smile on her lips. “Just wondering how much longer I have to stay cooped up in here.”

Lunch went well with Wriothesley, he told her about his day. He went back to the Fortress of Meropide for a while, to keep an eye on how things are going there, before coming over to her for lunch. After this he planned to proceed with investigations, and perhaps wrap things up early so he could spend more time with her after dinner.

(y/n) managed to eat a little more, despite the anxiety induced nausea, at least enough to not make her look suspicious.

Once lunch was over, Wriothesley gave her another peck on the forehead and left to continue with investigations, with promises of taking (y/n) to the gardens near the hospital once the doctors gave her the clear, and perhaps visit Navia and Neuvilette, as the two are also her friend, as much as they are to him. He wanted more than anything to stay with her the whole time she recovered, but seeing how she often flinched if he moved a little too quickly, or how her eyes often went blank as if she was not really there, he knew he had to do something about it. The therapist assigned to her told him that she may need some time to process through the trauma, and that it was natural that she would be jumpy for the time being, and would need some space too, as stifling her would also be bad for her mental wellbeing.

He already discussed all the options, and what’s best for (y/n). Once (y/n) has recovered some more physically, and once she is ready, he would take her home and nurse her back to health. He would appoint someone else as the Duke of Meropide if that was needed to get him more time off. Right now, he has something else to do.

He did not tell her that he would be going back to the facility, specifically the hidden passage they found inside her cell. Chlorinde had done a great job in capturing the man, living up to her title of champion duelist.

The entrance was so well hidden in the room, so much so that they had to get Aether to use his elemental sight to find. They had followed the hidden maze-like pathway in the room (y/n) was kept in, and it had led them to an underground base, perhaps their real base of operations. Several men were captured, including Dougier, they seem to work directly with Arderne who unfortunately was nowhere in sight. They were all taken into custody. Wriothesley tensed as he remembered their findings.

"Wriothesley you might want to see this." He turned his head towards Neuvilette who a moment ago was rummaging through papers on a desk. The Iudex now held out a file towards him, his face grim.

The Duke took the file and opened it. There were more papers, this time it contained more detailed reports of experiments done to the people. He ruffled through the pages, skimming the words for one specific name. He found it.

Experiment Clearance Form

Title: Vision Trial Variation 2

Principal Investigator: Il Dottore

Assistant: Arderne

Subject: 1102 a.k.a. (y/n)

Vision: Pyro

This form acknowledges the approval of the experiment titled "Vision Trial Variation 2" conducted by Arderne. The experiment aims to implement the theory of vision injections on humans, followed by observation to discover the effects.

The experiment poses high risks to participants. Potential risks include memory loss, increased body temperatures, seizures, and the possibility of death. Steps have been taken to mitigate these risks. Subject is physically weakened before the start to lower the chances of the body rejecting the injection, thus increasing the success rate of this experiment. On the occasion that this experiment would fail, the study will move on to Vision Trial Variation 3, and the current subject will be discarded.

Fuck.

“Did we find any traces of Arderne?” Wriothesley’s voice dropped several octaves, Neuvilette knew what this meant.

“There are none so far,” he placed a reassuring hand on Wriothesley, “But we do have Dougier now, and we are taking him and the others to custody. We can get more information out of them-”

Wriothesley shook him off and landed a harsh kick on a table to the side, immediately breaking it. He wanted to murder them all, especially that bastard Dottore. He had heard rumours of him doing crazy experiments, but to think it happened right here in Fontaine, with his fiancee? His breaths were shaky with barely controlled rage.

“Wriothesley, I understand how frustrating this is. (y/n) is also my dear friend.” Neuvilette spoke in the most soothing tone he could muster up. “Trust me, I am just as upset as you are in this, but we have to keep a level head. For (y/n)’s sake and all the victims that were forced into this.”

They were deep underground, had they been up on the surface, they would see heavy rain mixed with snow, and thunderstorms raging outside, the weather mirroring the Iudex’s inner turmoil on the entire situation.

• • •

(y/n) wondered if she was dead or dreaming the moment she saw herself on the familiar bed of her room in the facility. Dr Arderne was standing at the foot of her bed reading through the information on his clipboard, while Dougier was securing her arms and legs with restraints.

She had been too weak to resist, having been starved for days without food, the only nutrition she got was through her IV drip and glasses of suspiciously blue coloured water, which she had no choice but to drink.

"Good morning 1102, ready for the next dose? Arderne readied a syringe. It was filled with shimmery red liquid, the glow seemed to pulse the closer it gets to her.

"F-Fuck you Arderne." (y/n) managed to mumble, making Dougier snicker.

Arderne held (y/n)'s arm and injected the contents of the syringe into her. At first it felt like nothing, but gradually she could feel it start to burn, as if fire was coursing through her veins.

It wasn't long until the burning sensation started to feel unbearable. Hot white pain spreads from the point of injection to all over her body. She bit her tongue, trying not to scream, she will not give them the satisfaction of seeing her in pain. She won't-

(y/n) jolted awake, her breaths heavy and ragged and her heart was pounding in her chest. Fuck.

It was a dream. She was safe. It was just a dream.

The room she was in, despite being a hospital room, it was completely different from the facility, with flowers her friends and fiancé got for her, and the comforting weight of her big blubberbeast plushie that Wriothesley brought from their bed at home. She hugged the plush tightly and pressed her nose to its soft fur. It smelled just like Wriothesley, as he had sprayed his cologne all over it, something she often did even before… all this.

(y/n) tried to remember what her therapist had told her. 

My name is (y/n), I am at the Fontaine hospital, guarded by the Spina di Rosula, Wriothesley stays with me during the night, and stops by for lunch. I am safe, and I am recovering.

Her therapist told her that her dreams would eventually go away as her mind heals, but how long will that take?

Glancing at the clock, she noticed it was still early, too early for Wriothesley to come back from his investigation. He had left a book with her some days ago, which she picked up and started to read, trying to get her mind off things.

As she reached for the book on her night stand, suddenly (y/n) felt the familiar tingle in her hands, running all the way up her arms. It was warm and welcoming, it felt like home. A split second later, the book she was reaching for suddenly burst into flames.

• • •

Wriothesley watched Neuvilette from behind the one way glass as the latter asked Dougier more and more questions. The Iudex had presented all the evidence they found on the table. Laying it all out for Dougier as he asked question after question that Dougier only gave vague answers to, sometimes only responding with chuckles. The scum was a goner, his mind seemingly corrupted by the facility.

He wanted to be the one who personally interrogates the vile man, but Neuvilette had forbidden him from entering, for fear of what Wriothesley would do to the suspect. Still, watching from behind the glass was frustrating, he wished Neuvilette would let them do interrogations in Meropide, where it was outside Fontaine’s jurisdiction, so they could use other means to get information.

“This is going nowhere,” Wriothesley mumbled and pushed open the door leading into the interrogation room. Fuck the consequences, he’ll probably just get an earful from Neuvilette later.

At the sight of Wriothesley, Dougier’s eyes lit up in a nasty way that the Duke did not like at all. “Ah your Grace, here to play the bad cop now?”

“Seeing how you’re going nowhere with Neuvilette, I might as well do.”

Wriothesley grabbed the chair at the corner of the room and dragged it over to sit beside Neuvilette, who was glancing at Wriothesley cautiously.

“So do you feel like talking now Dougier? I thought you were a changed man after you were released.”

Dougier only scoffed, “then I had you fooled. You have no idea what kind of grudge I hold against you, Wriothesley. You ruined the community I built in Meropide.”

“Community? You call that community? You basically started a cult, and no one liked being in there.” Wriothesley scowled.

“Nevertheless,” Dougier continued, “I had my revenge. You should have heard how much (y/n) screamed when Arderne injected her vision into her.”

Wriothesley froze. He knew about what happened but hearing it from Dougier was different from reading it on the files they found.

Dougier, seeing the change in Wriothesley’s demeanour, continued. “She was a brave one, that bitch. Endured hours upon hours of our treatment, sometimes without anaesthesia. And that was after we put her in solitary confinement. We were wrong thinking we broke her spirit already, and yet she’s still fighting.”

"And you did this to all the people in the Vision Trials?" Neuvilette asked, the pen in his hand moving to take notes.

Dougier ignored him, his eyes still glued on Wriothesley's.

"How can we reverse the vision injections?" Wriothesley asked, trying to keep his breathing steady. He knew he couldn't try anything with Neuvilette around.

"You'll have to ask Arderne for that," Dougier leaned back on his chair, "but all I know is while (y/n) is still alive, she's a failure. She had her vision inside her yet it never seemed to work, not even when we prompted her."

"What do you mean prompted her?" Neuvilette asked, and this time, Dougier turned his eyes to him..

"Oh we threatened her, and when it didn't work, beat her, did whatever to make her call on her pyro element and use the vision in her. That never seemed to work."

Wriothesley and Neuvilette were tense, the former had his fists clenched so hard.

"That was when I took her to the basement, the cold weather should prompt the vision to at least keep her warm." Dougier turned to Wriothesley, a deranged look danced in his eyes as he smiled at him.

"I can see why you like 1102. She was so brave. She never once begged or called out for you even with all the beatings, that is, until I put my cock inside her-”

Suddenly Dougier was on the ground. Wriothesley had moved so fast Neuvilette barely registered him vaulting over the table and landing a fist on Dougier's face. He managed to hammer down his fists onto Dougier some more before he felt multiple hands pull him backwards off Dougier, who was unconscious in a bloodied mess.

"GET OFF ME." He yelled at the gardemeks who held him back, but Neuvilette soon stepped in front of him, blocking his view of Dougier who was being tended to by medics.

"Wriothesley," his voice was stern, "the punching can wait until after his sentence. If he is sentenced back to Meropide then it is under your jurisdiction."

Wriothesley was breathing heavily, "he… he also… Archons, (y/n)..."

"I already let you land several hits on him" Neuvilette placed a hand on his shoulder, "but we need him alive for more information on the case, and for his trials."

Wriothesley watched, seething with rage as Dougier was taken away by the medics for further treatment. He wanted the scum to suffer as much as, if not more than (y/n). How could anyone do this to her?

Neuvilette sighed and motioned for the gardemeks to release Wriothesley, "I think it's best if you go visit (y/n) for now. I think you two need to talk."

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(;;;*_*)--c<ノ°益°)ノ _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_

A/N

…now I'm sad... why do I do this to myself :") wrote this while hugging my blåhaj because I needed that warm shorky embrace.

(Tuna says hi :D and hopes everyone is okay after reading this)

I apologize for the late update, some parts of the chapter had to be rewritten to make more sense, but in the end it became longer than I planned (and I had to cut it here and continue next chapter)

Thanks for sticking around this long, I hope the update hurt you all as much as it did for me to write :"))) please stay safe and take care, and hug your pets/plushies for me 💕

P.s. I’m not sure how to write a proper experiment clearance form TwT I hope that wasn’t too off.

Taglist: @almosteggs @quuela @tempest1art @yamanaka13-blog @arseneumbra @kimmeaahh @cottonfluffs @randomidk-123 @applejayee @keigo-hawks-takami-simp @mechanicalbeat1 @aribae14 @bforbiblio @supernerdycookietrashblrr @furblrwurblr @chifuyus-kitty @bunnibabe @the-real-fandom-person

[bluebeesknees]

Hi Bee! Going anon because I feel so awkward asking this and I genuinely like you and your work is beautiful ;;;;;;

Patreon subber here! I've noticed that you seem to be drawing less and less of BTS art and more of that anime show. Which is 100000% your prerogative and I fully support anyone following their own joy and especially artists creating art that interests them, not just to cater to their audience, so this is in no way me asking or requesting you to draw less anime and more BTS! However, I'm not in the greatest place financially right now and I need to be more strict with myself and where I am spending my money and to make sure where I'm spending my money also aligns with my own wants. I wish I was in a position to just remain subbed as a patron no matter what because I love your art and want to support you as an artist, and I've really been warring with myself over this for the last couple months because that truly where my values lie when I have the means. But between the topic and amount we're paying for, I'm feeling torn. I TOTALLY get the reasons for the decrease in content, your health issues and school and work are completely valid, but it doesn't change the fact that we're getting noticeably less now than we did a year ago, and you've been promising it's temporary for set periods (first school and exams last year, then work, then health), but it's held pretty steady for at least a year now and has never returned to the level many of us subbed to originally despite repeated assurances that eventually things will pick back up. Less content is honestly not a big deal in and of itself, but it doesn't sit right with me that you haven't been upfront that these changes will be permanent, always promising that the current volume is temporary. But also there's been no broaching the subject of the fandom your creating for the majority of the time now changing from what your subscribers subbed to or for. Again, I fully support you creating for whatever interests you, but when I subbed you were solely a BTS fanartist and described your patreon as such on twitter, offering early and uncensored access to NSFW art, and you've never said anything to your subscribers about your focus permanently shifting to predominantly be anime. So far in 2024, not including previews for or commissions, you've published 2 BTS art posts and 8 of the anime characters on patreon. In the position I'm in, it just doesn't make sense for me to be spending a monthly subscription fee on fan content that isn't something I follow or know anything about. So I guess what I'm asking is for confirmation that you will no longer be focusing on BTS art? Truly you are so talented, I genuinely do love your art in general, I just can't afford to spend monthly money on something that doesn't genuinely interest me, even if I wish I could stay subbed just to support an artist I admire.

Dude hey! It seems you put a lot of thought into this so I'll answer accordingly!

I know I haven't been as reliable as I wanted to be in the past few months and I apologise for that. I don't mean for this to sound like an excuse, but I did very much believe for things to be temporary. (I tremendously overexhausted myself with my degree and my health has been a bit shit since qwq) I overestimated myself and should have had more foresight and taken proper breaks with the payment cycles as well.

Now, as for the shift in fandoms, I have wanted to broaden my range of fandoms I produce art for for quite some time. I do still very much love BTS and the aus I made mean a lot to me still. But the fandom in general has sparked a lot less joy than it used to lately and I've gotten a bit bored drawing only them. BTS was already an uncommonly long obsession and while i wouldn't call it burn-out, I AM a bit singed. I haven't announced something like a permanent shift on my patreon or twitter because it isn't, I love to draw them still but my focus just isn't as singular as it was for the past few years.

I know that keeping multiple fandoms under a single hat on patreon isn't ideal, and I completely understand that patrons don't always vibe with that. So I do not take it personally AT ALL should they decide to leave. Honestly it makes me very grateful to see that this meant enough to you to contact me like this.

Jjk is currently the thing that interests me the most, but I did plan to return to the roots of doing bangtan ship polls again for next month!

You've definitely given me stuff to think about. I'll make an announcement in the next few days regarding future plans.

And finally, I'll plainly say that my focus on bts art won't return to the level of intensity it started out as for a good while. It will continue, but not as it was. As you said, it's good for an artist to draw not only for an audience and I won't ever force myself to do that either. But I should have been more transparent, maybe it really is time I overhaul my page to represent the current me.

Ok, enough serious waffling, Please Do Not Feel Bad for cancelling your subscription!! In fact I encourage it if it doesn't spark joy anymore!! Smutty patreon art is a luxury expense and shit is hard enough these days!! I pinky promise I will not be mad above some entirely impersonal mild annoyance that my monthly budget shall now encompass 3$ less :)

I hope I covered it all, if you want to ask me about anything else, feel free to dm me, I promise I won't bite. I should generally encourage more plain feedback on my page so if you have more notes, I'd love to hear them!

But for now that's all!

Love, Bee 🐝 💙

[marmar-woff]

M!ik 271 thoughts part I

Finally the chapter that I was looking for the most. We have Iruma and Amelie together again for another date and What. A. Date.

Because I'm a shipper first and a person second, this is going to be a long post, reviewing almost every page one by one. So bear with me, please ❤

Irumeri fandom this one is for you!

The color page is lovely, in honor of the beginning of autumn and Iruma's birthday. The art is gorgeous (as always), the trio is enjoying yummy conform food. There's even a bunch of sweet potatoes for Iruma that Azz reserve for him as "Iruma-sama's spot" (like Amelie does in the chapter, reserving dinner), and some little devi-bears want to steal it, so cute. Share is care, Azz

(also I made an observation about this color page here)

We start by seeing Amelie making reservations for "dinner 4 two" (So elegant, such a classic, Idk how he didn't notice, the word date is everywhere). I have to say, I love when girls take the initiative, inviting the guy, making the plans, picking up the the bill. And there have been times when Iruma makes the first move: after walter park, backing sweets at his home, pick her up to dance in deviculum; Even so I would really like for Iruma to make actual plans to go out with her at least once I don't think is that crazy of an expectation. I cut him some slack bc he's literally new in the netherworld so he doesn't known many places.

We see them in the restaurant all dressed up. And let's talk about fashion. I'm not an expert, but whatever is going on with Iruma's outfit is not right. Too much print, seriously the suit in general is nice but he looks like a grandpa (Maybe Sullivan dressed him, why did you let him Opera-san?). Amelie. GOD, AMELIE. She is a queen. Perfect from head to toe, did she go to a beauty salon? 100000/10. The lace over her chest and the veil in her bun are very elegant. And the spider web necklace put me on my knees.

And how they exchange compliments, so cute. Amelie you are being nice. Iruma you are 100% right, my dude. She is so happy about it, and I'm happy that she is happy about it.

Now we enter the "Devil's Ring" and it's more elegant inside. Super stylish. So it's not only Deviculum, but there are also exclusive public places for high ranks…I must say that this contributes to the segregation and prejudice among demons (Kirio is crazy but he was right about the unfairness of the ranking system).

Iruma is so excited about the fancy food. Every time Iruma shows such excitement about eating, I am reminded of how he was used to eating very poorly or not eating at all, it just so bittersweet, thank god he's now so much better. I wonder what would be Amelie's (or anyone's) reaction to know that, finally and painfully understanding all the fuss.

Back to the cuteness. We can see the duality bw them. Iruma is still very green about these things (Kudos to Opera, always the Capitan of this ship) while Amelie is in her element, born and raised in the upper class. And just as Iruma admires her for knowing all this, Amelie doesn't blame him for not knowing. She makes sure that he feels comfortable with her, explaining and guiding him.

Standard or not, Amelie picking up the bill is very hot. I'm sure Iruma has enough money, but she wanted to treat him for his efforts. I read once in tw that they thought that she looked like his Sugar-mommy, and hope that was a joke, because this is a girl with the money and the confidence to ask out the guy she likes. If the roles were reversed, they would call him chad. Also she's not that old, they are like a year apart.

The toast is a perfect show of how they treat each other as equals despite their differences, because there is compassion for when the other needs it, there's trust to share the thoughts, feelings and opinions, or mundane things like a meal or simple small talk and commitment to maintain and appreciate all that (with those words, they might as well have been married)

They enjoy the other's company. I don't get ppl who says there is not chemistry bw them, their interactions are so genuine and cute. They are no forced, most of them are initiated by one or both. They want to be with each other, talk and have good time.

But not everything is fun and yumm, the serious talk comes in the next part

The "oh, so juicy" part of this date

[wittynameme]

is there a name for this already?

I have this running theory, I don't really have a name for it so I'll just explain it: there is a cognitive bias where humans measure wrongness not by proportion or numbers, that can be used as a way to visualize the severity of something but ultimately it's measured by:.the persons involvement.the persons position/stock in the situationAnd.what they can do about it. Take for example a public school with a no tolerance policy where a little girl reports being sexually harassed by her teacher to the counselor. The counselor is an adult man, is best friends with the man in question, is paid by the school board and not by this kid and ultimately; what is he to do? Solve the systemic problem of misogyny and ageist power imbalance? Risk his social and financial security to call an assembly to give a speech about bullying to a bunch of dispassionate 14 year old boys? No . That problem is to big for his mind to understand. Just like how we can't really conceve of numbers bigger than 100 and so me wildly undervalue what 100000 is , this adult man can not understand what this little girl has been through and so he devalues it. It becomes a nebulous evil blury background element that upsets him that he can't do anything, that effects his self image as a righteous person. But the little girl , the little girl he can do something about, he transfers his anger at himself onto the girl that made him uncomfortable in the first place and blames her for dressing provocatively. How a 10 year old can look provocative to anyone but a pedophile is beyond me , and beyond him, but he is no longer thinking rationally as he tries to get his fill of feeling accomplished.Tldr: humans want to feel like good people but take the path of least resistance to do so most of the time, we lack proper severity perception and work more off of personal perception instead. Problems too large and overarching for us to understand become just as much an uncomfortable unfortunance as hurracanes , terrible but unavoidable. Actually let me correct myself, when a natural disaster hits people can unanimously get behind it, it's inoffensive and obvious to agree that an earthquake is bad. The moment you throw even the tiniest amount of relation to humans in their people bawlk. We're social creatures and can't help but view other humans as ...humans no matter how much they act like a living natural disaster, an artificial disaster if you will. Because the evil is so difficult but the humanity is obvious, it appears as a human shape on a fuzzy controversial background.Tldr: zero tolerance policy doesn't freaking work and humans try to make sense of problems by putting them in definitive boxes. We don't have to do that you know, you don't have to have a personal stock in the situation other than your empathy . You can just help the person who needs the most help or at least don't be part of the problem.In my mind , sometimes "being fair to both sides" is just saying "I consider the violence of this other side a background detail as it is the status quo , but the new guy stands out and so it looks the same to me, I am okay with who is currently in power remaining that way because its been so long since it's been any other way that i don't see it that way at all. All I know is I don't like violence and you're an easy to see target. That and I don't want to ruffle the big guys feathers. I'm okay with who's winning continuing to do so".

[mojaves]

🚗, 💤 + 🚫 for luci and 🐶 + 🌴 for matty. and 💘 for josie

🚗 CAR — does your oc have a driver's license? can they drive/operate any automobiles/machinery besides cars?

he CAN drive and he can be trusted behind the wheel of a large automobile. a little scary at times on account of being taught by seb [most insane driver ever. btw] but at least he can get you out of a car chase [relatively] unscathed. just hold on to your seat. also has some experience with motorbikes, but i wouldn't trust him to get very far on one of those. he can barely manage a regular bike at the best of times.

💤 SLEEPING SIGN — is your oc a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper? how are their sleeping habits?

he is a VERY!!! heavy sleeper, to the point where he will sometimes need 3 alarms AND also josie hitting him repeatedly with a pillow to wake him up. barging into his bedroom and yelling at him does absolutely nothing. he is like a cat and she has yet to realise she can just spray him in the face with water and that will save them both SO much time. dont tell her that though. let luci rest.

🚫 PROHIBITED — does your oc drink/smoke? do they do it regularly, or is it more on occasion or for special events?

he doesn't smoke and absolutely Hates it as a concept. and WILL tackle seb whenever he sees him smoking. get that thang out of your mouth boy.

he does however enjoy a cold beer and fruity cocktails from time to time, but generally tries to avoid drinking alcohol as often as possible, because his father had. so SO many issues with drinking [which. no one in his family has very fond memories of], and seeing seb fall into depressive spirals and drink nonstop made him realise he doesnt want to experience either of those two extremes at all ever, and if it's already affecting two people in his family, then he'd most likely also be at risk - whether or not thats true, he will never know bc he does not want to test that theory. and i dont blame him.

🐶 DOG FACE — does your oc have any pets?

OUUHH YES back when he was travelling with a nomad family before getting swept up by biotechnica, he had a great pyrenees called mags. and he loved her more than anything else in the entire world. he got her when he was about 18, and they were pretty much inseperable from day one. ate together, slept together, went on jobs together. there wasnt a single second they were apart. unfortunately when biotechnica came along and essentially captured him, he had to leave her behind with the family, and never saw her again ): he would love to get another dog like her one day,,, when he finally has a place he can call his own.

🌴 PALM TREE — does your oc have a green thumb? do they enjoy gardening?

this bitch LOVES plants. ask him about literally any plant and he will go on for a solid 20 minutes about the root system alone. he travelled around a LOT growing up so he's encountered probably every plant the NUSA has to offer at this point. which made him a perfect candidate for watching over the gardens at biotechnica. he did NOT want to work for a corp but,,,, the plants,,,,,..... and he needed the money so he couldnt really say no. but again one day when he has his own place. there will be no room for him there bc it will just be Full of plants. and also dog.

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

oh seb and luci 100000% [and luiza to a far lesser extent. dont even worry about it] without seb basically raising them all by himself and teaching them everything he knew about how to just. be kind and help each other, the three of them most definitely would have ended up dead or worse after he left.seb never gave up on them. and she and luci never gave up on each other, and that's what got them through everything. and i am very normal about them.

[andthebeanstalk]

Late night autistic art ramblings.

IT STANDS TO REASON that if I can create character sheets for future reference, knowing that some of these sheets have to be useful to me quite possibly years down the line, then I could theoretically create future reference sheets that are not for human characters but for building styles.

And, theoretically, I should be able to learn how to draw different styles of architecture in the same way that I can learn how to draw in different art styles and then apply that style to different shapes and sizes of subject. There will be some shapes that each style prefers, but ultimately, it seems a similar concept.

And since the architecture in my graphic novel is usually me combining two or more specific city's architecture designs, I would indeed need a reference sheet made specifically for me by me.

It may make sense to seek out or else build reference sheets for each town/country and THEN work on the combinations from there.

Some combos featured in season 1 of my graphic novel, which is a road trip arc so I have to (or well, really really want to) make each place feel rich and unique!

New Orleans, USA + 1980s Liverpool, England

Guatapé, Colombia + Havana, Cuba + San Juan, Puerto Rico (main question: how would Colombian architecture change on a small tropical island community?)

What if Frankenstein and Reanimator had a baby and that baby was a town in a medieval fantasy?? (Answer: it sure wouldn't be a fun place to get stuck for like a month and a half! Undead creatures notwithstanding.)

Christmas Town from Nightmare Before Christmas, that one town from the movie Klaus, plus what if fucking ANY people of color were there?? (Otherwise great movies but GAWDS it is like, literally so easy ffs)

This one sleep podcast on the headspace app + Howl's Moving Castle

Jessica Fletcher's hometown but make it fall-themed because this is the 'autumn vibes' episode

A totally normal village + a mountain + a mountain god + a woman who fucks that mountain god + her demigod son + a recently developed problem involving a mop and a demonic poltergeist

oops all horrors (on a train!)

A capital city that I'm just now realizing is going to need a lot more fleshing out! All I got so far is "big" and "class divide," but I have no doubt I'll manage to make it harder for myself don't you worry

A pirate ship + but put that shit in the sky

Okay so maybe only two settings so far are super solid but I have been awake for 100000 hours so

Hey you I hope you're doing well, reader. I'm okay. I will make every place they go in my graphic novel so very beautiful.

Or at least cool as fuck.

Eat shit, Violet Evergarden. My backgrounds will be... not nearly as good as yours! But they will be so beautiful for the work of one person rather than a team! And MY character isn't going to fuck off and marry her [REDACTED] in the last episode and taint all the beautiful backgrounds forever! YOU FUCKING DIPS.

I suppose I ought to go looking for other beautiful and interesting places to inspire my work. With the exception of a couple places that need to be unappealing but should nevertheless be interesting, I mostly choose settings based on what is prettiest because when I draw stuff, I feel like I'm there, and I only want to spend time in nice places when I can.

Life is hard enough without stomping down on my saturated colors for the sake of realism.

Anyway this whole thing has been brought to you by me spending most of my life learning to draw and only recently realizing I don't know how to draw backgrounds, edibles, autism, and of course the MVP insomnia

If you've read this far, you've fallen right into my trap! and now you have to try and think something neutral or good about yourself. Unless you don't want to. But otherwise, I'm afraid you must. I think you are doing your best. I think you are trying your hardest. I believe that. I am too. Your body is taking in oxygen and keeping you alive and that is enough for now. Goodnight, neighbor, goodnight

[dreadfutures]

The Descent 1/[?] - Bastion of the Pure

Picture 1: lyrium visible from a Completed Operation in Bastion of the Pure.

Picture 2: same thing, with two segments of lyrium circled.

Picture 3: metal orb-trees seen in Morrigan’s Crossroads (present in many elven locations)

Picture 4: Falon’Din’s vallaslin

Picture 5: Mythal’s vallaslin

-:-:-

Commentary:

We know that Dalish and City Elves tie great importance to “the Tree of the People,” but that Felassan in The Masked Empire seems troubled by, or at least disconnected from, the concept of “the Tree of the People.” Trees appear prominently in ancient elven spaces, such as at the center of the Temple of Mythal in the Arbor Wilds, in the location where Solas meets Flemeth in the DAI epilogue, and in places like the Dead God Hand puzzle, the Trespasser Elven Mountain Ruins and Vir Dirthara, and Morrigan’s eluvian Crossroads, in the form of both real trees and these strange, very round metal trees (that often hold magic inside their branches).

But as I was flying through the Bastion of the Pure, I was struck by the similarity of these circular, reaching lyrium branches (righthand side, picture 2), and the orb-trees.

I know much has been made in fanon about the similarity between Mythal’s vallaslin and lyrium veins. Some have said that her vallaslin itself is clear proof of her fighting and killing a Titan, and that her mastery of lyrium is central to her status in Elvhenan.

I personally do see the similarity between her full vallaslin & lyrium, and I think the triangular bits on the nose & especially the chin are very, very lyrium/dwarf-influenced. But drawing anything more from that -- the why of why her vallaslin looks like that -- remains the realm of fanon.

Of course, in Felassan’s own words:

-:-:-

In terms of Falon’Din’s vallaslin, the most prevalent fanon I have seen is that it references an eldritch form of the god that must involve tentacles. I am all for tentacles, somewhat based on the statues of “The Friend of the Dead” from the Mahariel origin in DAO, and the lost concept art of “the Archdemon” also from DAO, showing an ornately-crowned tentacle god with similarities to the Falon’Din statue from the same game.

But.

This particular lyrium sprout caught my eye (left hand side, picture 2). I’m not drawing any conclusions, I just think it’s neat to find visual parallels and patterns. The human brain is good at seeing patterns. I’m 100000% sure neither of these lyrium sprouts were shaped purposefully to evoke vallaslin. But I see it, it made me chuckle and fed some headcanons I have, and I wanted to share.

[shelby-love]

BOBBY NASH

Life as Cap's Daughter

Requested: yes

Author's note: I got a little carried away, but I wanted to DELIVER FROM POINT A (LOWEST) TO POINT B (BEST) PART OF HIS LIFE. Kept it realistic as possible plus it’s very long SO BEWARE

P.S. you can kind of see how my love for the man just SPILLED ... aka I kind of lost it and just hammered the numbers. It shows how unexperienced I am at these <3

Requests for 9-1-1 are OPEN

Headcanon

Bobby had you before Marcy and Athena were a part of his life

You were his little everything

The food he fed you growing up…

You would tell people that your dad's a chef, and not a firefighter

You thought a chef was a better job! You were four…

With your mom out of the picture it was just you and your dad for a big part of your childhood

He baby proofed the entire house

Balled his eyes out when he walked you to school for the very first time

When he met Marcy you were roughly around 8, but the two of you got along very well right off the bat

Even though he's a quiet, withdrawn man that likes to keep to himself, you were the one who brought out his witty side

He was very proud when you showed an interest in ice skating, it quickly became 'your thing' and Bobby loved that you inherited that from him

He's at all of your performances! 

He catches you every time no matter the situation

You loved Robert Jr. and Brook very much too, considering them your siblings without a doubt

You helped change their diapers, practically raised them with Marcy and your dad

Family dinners with Bobby's marvelous cooking – a must!

Bobby was very overprotective when you entered your teen years so thank god for Marcy (she was a saint)

He'd invite your date over and drill him while eating the nicest foods he prepared with extra caution

"Dad, that was a bit too much…"

"You think? I didn't even get to scratch the surface."

"Okay, honey, let her go have fun."

Marcy and the kids were there for you when your dad started to go south because of his injury

"Dad where are you going?"

"I'll be back soon. Don't worry about me."

For a moment you considered if life with him was even worth it

Wanting to finish high school as soon as possible just so you could get away from his lies was your darkest thought

But he is your father, and no one could change that

The fire though... It was the most heartbreaking moment of your life

You were out, so you weren't on the scene

But you wished you were at some point

You couldn't look at him after that

Went through the roughest time of your life

It felt like you jumped through time because you two were alone again

But that made you treasure each other more than anything

You watched him at his lowest and supported him when he started to get better

"Dad, please don't give up."

I don't think Bobby would be able to get through the trauma if it weren't for you

Not even his notebook was enough to keep him together – you were the glue

That's why making a fresh start in L.A. felt great

You two settled quickly; you giving in more effort than he did at first

Because you're smart like your father you got into a very very very good college in L.A.

"At least something's working out for once."

"Hey don't say that."

"But dad... It's true!"

When he told you, he was in station 118 you stalked researched them

Found out the address, looked at the place from outside using Google Street View

That kinda thing

"But dad. I'm just looking out for you!"

"I know. Thank you for that."

There's a lot of buts

But dad this but daaaad that

You're very annoying when you want to be

The two of you lived together, since you didn't trust him enough to move out and live on campus

He didn't bring you to the firehouse until he was 100% sure

No scratch that: until he was 100000% sure, you weren't stepping foot on the grounds of that station

When you did meet them, you loved Hen instantly

You wanted to come back just for her

Chimney was a bit awkward

He didn't know how to act around you

You were 18 but since you were Cap's daughter he didn't know if he had to treat you like you were 8 or not

Hen didn't have that problem obviously

She was so easy going you loved her instantly

Bobby has eyes everywhere when you're at the station

MEETING BUCK WAS HORRIBLE

Your dad was breathing down on your neck when you came to the firehouse one day and Buck 1.0 was working there (just started)

HE HIT ON YOU IT WAS HORRIBLE YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

Neither did he once he found out

That was the day Bobby fired him bc he did the nasty with that lady in the firetruck

You came by like, "Hi, I'm Y/N nice to meet you Evan."

And then suddenly you had to go like, "Bye Ev- Buck… It was nice knowing you."

Buck went home that day – pride demolished

"Did you really have to do that dad?"

"I said three strikes, and he's out. He didn't listen."

Why didn't you come earlier? Surely you could have given Buck some great tips

"Oh, well."

Buck came back!

You became friends after that. Had a teasing relationship, never looked at each other the other way after that day

Y/N + Buck = BFF

You'd joke about your first tragic meeting and you’d go out with him when he was going through a dark time because of Abby

You didn’t drink, he did

Everyone loves you OBVIOUSLY

You're Cap's daughter I MEAN WHAT IS THERE TO SAY?

Eddie came too! Eventually.

You fell in love with him instantly

But you love his son even more than him

You'd take care of him whenever you had time and Eddie was busy working

You learned more facts about the world from little Christopher than from your own father

You often came by to eat lunch at the station because that's where your dad ‘the cook’ was

Maddie and you hit it off very well and became close friends

NOW MEETING ATHENA FOR THE FIRST TIME…

Your mouth was on the floor

She was so goddess like you were smitten by her

So, your dad and her announcing their relationship to you wasn't a surprise

You and Hen won the bet

Became close with May and Harry too although it was hard not to picture them as Brook and Robert at first

After your dad and Athena got married you finally felt as if you could breathe

Knowing that your dad was safe and sound, you moved over to campus but still had your own room at Athena's place

You go there every weekend

You're essential to the party planning

Even though you're a perfect little young adult you're ready to pull out the "My step-mom's a sergeant" card

A huge party was thrown for your 21st birthday

I'm talking BIG BIG BIG

Buck and you got drunk

Your dad got drunk too

Life turned around for the better although some pieces of past tragedies still lingered

You've let go of people but you and your dad also grew and healed enough to let new people into your lives

No one knows what life has in store for you two, but you both know it will be good

As long as you have each other

He's your pillar, and you are his in return, that's how it's always been

"I love you dad."

"I love you too kiddo."

~

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[maybe-your-left]

i wholly believe odin ren is 100000% a mamas boy the wee thing

lets talk about the clingers baby-which means the Ren boys are in competition for affection

SPOILER: Daddy Ren always wins.

TW/CW: NSFW, Odin is a crybaby, Kylo is a crybaby, attention whores, we coddle the boys, oddly sentimental, who is this woman

-------

You were having the most wonderful dream, you were on a beach, bikini-clad. Drinking out of a coconut, basking in the warm sun as it kissed your skin in a delicious tan. When you were awoken by a loud cry, emanating from the door of the master suite.

Behind you, Ren groaned in his slumber. Throwing his beefy arm across your waist as he stirred to life. You opened an eye, seeing the outline of your baby, illuminated by the lights he had turned on downstairs. His blanket in his hand, harsh sniffles between his hiccuping sobs.

"M-mom-m-y," he choked.

Rushing to your bedside, you cringed when he came closer. His face was beet red, stained with tears and snot. Odin was gasping for air, his little hands scrambling under the sheets to find you. He hoisted his body onto the bed, pinning you down. You groaned at the weight, he was getting bigger, and bigger by Ren standards meant he was too heavy for you to cradle.

"What's wrong, baby," you whispered, letting Odin burrow into your chest. His wet cheeks smearing across your bare collarbone, you decided to sleep in the silk pajamas you received for Mother's day, exposing a little too much of your chest.

"Nothing," Ren murmured into your hair, "Other than you're wearing too many clothes."

You threw an elbow into his ribs, causing him to wheeze awake. Mistaking your soothing words for Odin, as words for him. Who was still sobbing into your chest, breathing picking up at the sound of his father waking. "Kylo," you hissed, one look over your shoulder revealed a confused husband. Brow furrowed as he blinked awake, he rolled onto his back. Propping up on his forearms to peer over at the sobbing child, "Odin had a nightmare."

"Hm," he rumbled, "Bubba," Ren whispered to Odin, who was still trembling in your embrace, "What's wrong, why are you up so late?"

Odin sobbed at that, you shot Ren a glare. "I just said he had a nightmare," rolling your eyes you tried to pry Odin off of you. Sitting up in the process, Odin dug his fingernails into your skin, causing you to yelp.

"Baby! Stoppit, let go. It's okay, you're with mommy and daddy now."

Ren sat up with you, latching his hands around Odin's ribs. He tugged on the boy a few times, whispering softly, "Come on, you're hurting your mother."

Odin wouldn't budge, understandable given his attachment to you over his father. But Ren wouldn't let go of him, "Odin, it's okay, let's just lay down."

"I don't wanna lay down," Odin whined, finally releasing you enough to sit in your lap. Wiping his running nose on his blanket, you'd have to clean that in the morning. Ren winced at that, ever the germophobe.

"Do you wanna lay with mommy and daddy," you cooed, running your fingers through his hair like you do for Ren. Odin nodded his head swiftly, jumping between you and his father.

Ren glared at you, hissing through his teeth, "(Y/N), he can't keep sleeping in bed with us."

"He had a nightmare," you laid down next to him. Continuing to pet his hair, you nuzzled his head with your nose. Smelling his sweet shampoo, still a hint of baby left on him. You hated the thought of his growing up, mainly for the loss of your baby boy.

And the reality of having a carbon copy of Ren around, ready to fight his dad for attention.

Ren huffed loudly, falling down on his back. He stroked a hand against Odin's tufts of black hair. He has stopped crying the moment you let him stay, back into a slumbering child with no nightmares. Ren watched him closely, listening to his breathing like you were.

------

That morning, you woke with Odin attached to your chest. Snoring loudly against your skin, a small puddle of drool had collected. You gagged a small bit, maneuvering so he could roll off you.

Ren wasn't in bed, a glance at the clock said it was nine, Odin never sleeps this late. You tapped on his shoulder, softly waking him up so you could eat breakfast.

Odin walked with you hand in hand to the kitchen, where Ren was seated at the table. Drinking coffee and reading the paper, you yawned as you sat Odin down. Even though he whined when you walked away, leaving Ren and him alone.

You watched the two of them from the counter, seeing Ren try to keep Odin calm. Holding his little hand across the table, even though he hated how much you coddled him. He was just as guilty, speaking to his son in soft tones. Telling him how his room was safe to sleep in once again, 'Daddy made sure of it.'

Odin smiled when you came back, sitting between your two boys. Where Ren could touch your leg under the table, and Odin could hold your hand while all of you ate.

The rest of the morning was slow, Belle was out at the friends' house for a sleepover. So it was the three of you, until it was time for Odin's nap. He reluctantly went to his room, even though he tried to guilt you into napping with him.

But Ren said no, he had to be a big boy and face his fears.

Once Odin was pacified and snoring, Ren dragged you to the bedroom. The two of you locking lips for the first time today, Rens hands were all over you. Mumbling against your mouth, "You're coddling him too much."

"Mhm," you mused, pushing Ren flat on his back on the bed. You swung a leg over his hip, straddling him as you fisted the black henly he wore, "I do the same to you."

"Thats because," he paused, ripping off your camisole that you handed changed out of this morning, "I'm the baby you're supposed to coddle."

You giggled at that, letting Ren tug your clothes off until you both were naked. Straddling his cock, you rocked your hips back and forth, moaning as softly as you could.

Ren laid kisses along your collar, moving towards your breasts that were swinging in rhythm with your hips. Ren placed a hand at the small of your back, propping the two of you up with another behind him.

"Am I not giving you enough attention, Kylo?"

He shook his head, panting through an open mouth as he stared up at you. Ren groaned loudly, thrusting into you in quick succession. "No-never enough," he latched onto your nipple, sucking harshly before nibbling it between his teeth.

You gasped at that, walls clenching around his cock. Seated completely inside you for a brief moment, "I can't always pay attention to you." Your breath hitched an octave higher, the head of his cock was nudging delightfully at your cervix. Ren's hips pistoned into you, forcing you to bounce like a ragdoll in his lap.

Blissed out smile stretching across your face, loving the feeling of him inside you. Cock stretching your walls with each slick thrust, you would never get enough of it.

Ren's hand slid down to cup a cheek, the tip of his middle finger lightly prodding your tight back entrance. You jolted in his hold, earning a loud chuckle in your ear, "You like me inside you, huh?"

"Uh-huh," you moaned, "I fucking love you're big cock."

"Fuck," he stilled for a moment, leaning forward to capture your lips in a kiss. Ren wrapped both arms around you, careful to not break apart as he scooted to the center of the mattress. Laying down fully on his back, Ren placed a steady palm squarely on your chest.

Pushing you to be upright on his cock, you bit your bottom lip at the sight. Ren's cheeks pink from fucking, slicked with a sheen of sweat, dark hair mussed up. You raked your nails along his chest, his breath hitched as you scraped his nipples.

"You know," he croaked, latching his hands on your waist now. You felt him readjust, planting both feet on the mattress. Elevating you from the bed, "If you gave me attention-you'd get my big cock all the time."

Before you could rebut, Ren slammed his hips up. Jostling you so hard you yelped, he chuckled below you. Thrusting with all his strength, you clutched to his shoulders. Digging into the skin as he fucked and fucked and fucked.

"Ky-y-ylo," you cried, cunt fluttering around his length. Ren groaned at that, eyes rolling back just as yours were, "You're gonna cum on my cock-all for me."

"Yes," the 's' hissing through your clenched teeth, rocking back and forth as he continued to thrust. You both were right on the edge, the only thing you needed was...

"Mommy!" came from upstairs.

Ren and you both halted, frozen in fear of Odin coming to see you both naked. Still lodged inside you, Ren rolled the two of your bodies. Making sure your faces were looking at the doorway you had stupidly left open. Ren tugged a blanket over the two of you, rolling his hips a little as you waited.

"Mommy!"

"What's wrong, Odin?" Ren boomed through the doorway. He clasped a hand over your mouth, "Mommy's busy!"

"But-but-but," and tears.

Odin must be screaming at the top of his lungs, you could practically see his little face turning bright red from the exertion. You thrashed in Rens hold, trying to be free so you could at least talk to your son.

Ren kept you pinned, waiting a little more before he continued fucking you. Letting yourself briefly moan from the sensation of him dragging against your walls, "Be quiet baby-want you to cum with me."

Not the best plan, but fuck you were so close and it sounded like Odin was tiring himself out. You could give Ren a little bit more of your attention... he was begging for it.

You opened your legs a little wider, making Ren groan in satisfaction. He placed a hand on the back of your knee, keeping you still as he fucked in fast strokes. A glob of spit falling from his pursed lips to the top of your pussy, clit now glistening with it.

Ren nodded towards it, "Rub it-right now and cum on me."

Obeying like the good girl you were, you rubbed tight circles along yourself. Moaning at the feeling of clenching his length. Ren stilled for a moment. Closing his eyes tights before groaning, both of you cumming in a slow fall of ecstasy.

Ren's cock painted your pussy, filling you deliciously while you creamed him. Both of you smiling like horny teenagers as he pulled out, your still pulsing cunt pushed out a glob of cum. Which he swiped with the tip of his finger.

Gingerly pushing it back inside, "Where it belongs."

------

You swung out of bed after that, despite Ren making a noise that could only be described as complete despair. Throwing on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, you probably looked like a mess but he was five, he wouldn't know.

Running up the stairs to your baby, who was indeed red-faced and still crying. Babbling about where you were, and why he was scared, this, and that. You kept him cradled to your chest, rocking him back and forth.

Footsteps brought your attention to the door, your husband stood in the frame. Hands-on his hips, a little out of breath, dressed like you were.

He walked into Odin's room, plopping down on the carpeted floor by you both. Ren said nothing, he just scooped Odin from your arms. Letting him cry into his chest for a few moments, you stared at the two, your attention hogs.

Desperate for you in every way, but you wouldn't want it any different.

--------

wow okay-so sentimental is apparently an emotion I can have? big shocker.

yes Odin has nightmares, like young Kylo

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[judyhopps934-mt-zd]

Thoughts on Miraculous Shanghai: The Legend of Lady Dragon

Warning: Spoilers! Other than that, have fun!

Also, if you want to watch the full English Dub, click here!

I love how we saw Fei's backstory as to how she became guardian of the Prodigious and how it was actually stolen because there are people who want money from her adoptive father's studio. It was also sad to see that the values her father implemented into her fade due to the circumstances they found themselves in. I speak for all of us to say that this girl needs a hug.

The intro as always is beautiful! Since it was not the first thing we saw, I was confused when looking through the episodes on YT.

I always enjoy Marinette's monologues, and this one was over how she looked forward to her holiday (it was like a vacation type thing). And how she looked forward to spend time with Adrien since his father was going to let him out. It was all perfect...

...until she went to deliver Uncle Wang's package and found out Adrien left for Shanghai at the last minute. But all is good though because she could go to Shanghai, deliver the gift personally, and see Adrien.

It hurts me to see that the writers made Marinette's purpose to go to Shanghai is to see Adrien when she can do that in Paris! It frustrates me that her character development goes back to square one, even as the protagonist of the show. People might point out this was before season 3, but I have a few points that say otherwise or that the writers are mixing things up. But first, the plot points and thoughts of everything else.

Also, I get that Marinette is 14/15/16 at the time of this episode, but how likely is it to send your child on their own halfway across the world??? On SHORT NOTICE??? I swear Sabine and Tom are too chill with this, but then again, there would be no story.

Also, I love how Ladybug and Chat Noir took the opportunity of their patrols without akumas to bond more. The Ladynoir in this episode I stan!

Gabriel you piece of trash! If you did not plan to spend time with your son, why take him to Shanghai when he was hoping to spend time with you?! And do not say "for business purposes" because even though Adrien is a face in the brand, at least don't give him false hope and that bs!

Nooro, thank you for trying to talk Gabriel out of it, but he is literally a wall (talking to Gabriel=talking to a wall)

I will say, the waiting for 15 years thing is very concerning.

Uncle Wang has been looking forward to see Marinette in person in Shanghai to learn more about her roots. He is ecstatic and its just heartwarming and heartbreaking when you think that part of Marinette's stay will be related to Adrien.

At least we see one thing that makes Marinette's stay not all about Adrien though: she is genuinely interested in her origins! Like when she asks about her family's traditional songs and about her mom, even learning her real name!

Speaking of which, Sabine's name is Xia Ping and only called herself Sabine when she started living in France. Also, I love her photo!

Bastille the bird that was around since forever is an icon!

Also, I can't believe Uncle Wang has not taken a break since Sabine moved to France, like what the hell??? Give this guy a break for goodness sake.

Thank you Gabriel for having one brain cell and allowing your son to leave the hotel! We still hate you for everything else though.

Its cool that Kwamis speak all of the languages. It is also the most logical thing because their wielder could be from anywhere. My question is are they taught the languages, does it form when a concept forms in the universe and they start existing, or like everything else is it magic?

Gorilla is iconic for two reasons: he is still a self care king, and he was willing to give Adrien some space to get action figures.

And now as I wrote that, this is where I am getting confused and start to believe this is post season 3: 1) Gorilla seems less anxious about being in a new place (unlike NY where he stayed in the hotel room the entire time), and 2) His obsession for action figures was shown in Party Crasher (season 3), which makes me wonder if the explanation is during season 3 or this episode hints at season 3. For the first point, it could be because Gabriel was not in NY to his knowledge.

Fei appears again and explains how she views the world and how she also uses that to help and take advantage of others.

She almost steals Adrien's phone and miraculous until Gorilla steps in. It hurts me because she is a good person but had to resort to stealing for a reason that we will explore soon.

Plagg, we always say your stomach causes trouble, but this time, you brought Adrien to Marinette's uncle...

...but also that ironically separated them as Marinette found them just as they climbed into the taxi.

This is also where Fei (wearing a disguise) crosses paths with Marinette and steals her purse. Then she went for the kwagatama and miraculous.

Things get worse for Fei as these boys that took a photo with Adrien earlier started chasing her. Then Marinette started going after them.

That is when she realized she was robbed and understandably, she was more horrified of losing her Miraculous.

Adrien shows up to Uncle Wang's home/restaurant. So many iconic moments happen.

1) Bastille says something about love between Marinette and Adrien. And Adrien responds with the line that makes us want to jump into the TV and talk some sense into him.

2) You say that "she's JuST a fRIenD" yet you stay over with her mom's uncle so you can surprise her lol. Adrien, you kill me and every other Adrienette fan with this contradicting statements.

Speaking of Marinette, she gets lost and has trouble communicating with others because she does not speak Chinese. And at some point says that she regrets not taking lessons?! Uh, what does this imply, that she refused lessons or that she did not have the opportunity for lessons??????? I NEED ANSWERS!

Can we say once again how talented and artistic Marinette is? Bad time? Moving on!

Uncle Wang is unaware of Marinette's tardiness, and Adrien just jokes about it. Considering that she is technically missing (reality is that she's lost), I don't think its time to joke about it.

The lady that gave Marinette some earrings that look like the Miraculous is so nice and bless her soul

The person from the pawn shop is the bad guy that we see at the very end of the NY special! And he knows about what happened to Fei's father! I am grateful that he sees no value in Marinette's stuff so he won't sell it for a lot, but I hate how he's greedy for money and was willing to exploit Fei's hunger for answers and Marinette needing her miraculous for personal gains.

Meanwhile, the boys from the photo with Adrien that chased Fei were trying to get Marinette's attention (they found her kwagatama when Fei dropped it running away and fighting them), but she thought they were gonna attack her. And then she bumps into Fei, who helps her escape.

Marinette finds comfort in Fei for being willing to "help" her (remember that she was gonna bring her to the pawn shop). She also finds Fei as a helpful, kind person who is brave: something that Fei does not see in herself, but does not have the heart to tell Marinette the truth.

Meanwhile, Chat has transformed to find Marinette and its the most endearing thing I've seen! Adrien, you blind oblivious fool! You care about her more than you think!

They arrive in the pawn shop, Tikki escaped the claw machine, and Marinette finds the earrings...for 100000 Yuan.

Fei, understanding what its like to have something entrusted to you be stolen, gets in a spat with the pawn shop owner in Chinese, accusing the owner for greed and accusing Fei for theft, while Marinette just stands her.

Also, when did Marinette become naive???????? I get that she's in another country and they are speaking in a different language that she does not understand, but based on the tone of their voices and shouting, I feel like she should have sensed something was off.

Fei swaps the earrings the lady gave Marinette and took the miraculous back. To the lady, this is why your soul is blessed. So bless your soul!!!

Apparently, Marinette realized what happened and said that Fei stole her earrings and feels bad for the man. Girl, you do not have to feel guilty for the man! He was about to destroy them before he thought about sentimental value! Also, he did not pay Fei anything for them! (Felt that this should be brought up because even though Fei was wrong in stealing her stuff, she was also robbed from potential cash and answers, therefore the man was owed nothing.)

The boys from Adrien's photo are actually vigilantes of Shanghai (and will be referred as such from now on), wanting to bring Fei to justice for stealing, which catches Marinette's attention, but not enough to ask any questions.

Also Marinette is not wanted as a criminal. She is missing as Uncle Wang called the police.

Fei still lives in the school, which has been in ruins. Despite not having much, she still offers Marinette a cup of what I believe is water (or tea?). See peoples, Fei is a good person at heart (if y'all aren't aware of it by now)

Gabriel saw and recognized Marinette. This is horrifying and if it is prior to season 3, we see why he tries so hard to target her. Or reasons why he targets her in season 4 along with everything else we know from "Truth".

Fei should have been given the chance to explain why she stole Marinette's things, but the pawn shop owner was like "you know, I might as well expose Fei myself"...

...and it really broke Marinette, who heavily trusted her. But she can't dwell on it for long...

...because AKUMA COMES FOR THE PAWN SHOP OWNER! AND HIS FAN SHOOTS KNIVES! AND HAS GREEDY MOTIVES! AND HELPED HAWKMOTH GET INTI THE CAVE WITH THE PRODIGIOUS!!!

Also, Nathalie was involved in obtaining the bracelet years ago. Again, the 15 years thing is concerning.

Marinette flees to transform, but not without telling Fei how she broke her trust and how she feels that Feinwas not genuinely helping her. It hurt me so much!

Ladybug transforms, hears Chat's voice-mail (to which she is swooned by the fact her kitty cares for her civilian self), and calls him. The best Ladynoir scene so far!

So the prodigious is like a jewel with powers, there is only one prodigious from what we see, and that one prodigious has multiple renlings that only the wielder can see. Oh, and the bracelet is like a key. Cool.

I don't like how Fei's Lady Dragon outfit looks whitewashed, but at least her hair is red instead of blonde (which still does not make this okay)

Epic Showdown between the akuma, Hawkmoth, Ladybug, and Lady Dragon. Hawkmoth corners Ladybug and Lady Dragon gets caught in some rocks.. All hope seemed lost...

...until Chat shows up and frees the akuma with the help of a basketball.

We learn something new folks: the same butterfly can create a different akuma. This is very frightening because...

The statue that determines who is worthy of the prodigious gets akumatized! The horror!

Also, if the statue says Fei cannot become the dragon because her intention to seek vengeance for her father is not noble and worthy, then what makes Hawkmoth think he will be successful in becoming the dragon??? Because it seems that his intentions are not pure or noble. Just saying.

Hawkmoth notices the akumatized statue heading to the city and all of a sudden remembers about Adrien. Confronting the statue, he gets turned into ashes(?).

CHAT, HAWKMOTH IN ASHES WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR THE BETTER IF THE STATUE DID NOT DESTROY SHANGHAI AND YOU WOULD NOT THINK AS SUCH IF YOU KNEW HE WAS YOUR FATHER! But I am not mad at you, just wanted to point out your irony.

ML WRITERS, WHY DO YOU KEEP KILLING OFF CHAT????? LADYBUG DOES NOT NEED ANY MORE TRAUMA AND THAT WAS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY!!!! I AM SCREAMING INSIDE!!!!!

Fei is understandably upset and blames herself for what happen. I want to hug her so badly.

Marinette reassures Fei and forgives her, even though Fei felt that she could not be forgiven.

The structure they were standing on collapses and it was Fei as the Dragon who saved her, not Chat. Honestly, I love how it turned out as it strengthens their friendship, but I still prefer a Marichat alternative. WHERE IS THE MARICHAT PEOPLES???

Final showdown!

Poor statue guard was upset about the damage they caused as an akuma, but Miraculous Ladybiug fixes everything.

Fei learned an important lesson: let justice take its course, not enact revenge. But it was quite funny to have the pawn shop owner be flown away to court in a literal sense.

The bracelet has a renling-like creature, who is just so adorable, especially since they missed Fei and was waiting for the day they would be reunited. Aww!

Ladynoir version of the Moon scene from NYC! Except no dancing, just them challenging each other over who will get to Paris first if they traveled in opposite directions. No one shall ever know we were in Shanghai as civilians lol (Reminds me of my best friend when eating grapes during choral rehearsals)

Marinette, Adrien, Fei, and Uncle Wang enjoying a birthday (?) dinner was wholesome.

I love how Uncle Wang calls them boyfriend and girlfriend because of how they act around each other, yet Marinette and Adrien both deny it. Bruh, these children need to open their fricking eyes! I really wanted to jump through my phone screen!

The Shanghai Vigilantes came to return Marinette's kwagatama necklace. They are so precious even though we thought they were enemies in the trailer.

Even though they were at odds at first, love how the Vigilantes blushed when Fei played the accordion and she's just like "whatever". I stan an asexual queen.

Do I even want to know what Marinette accidentally said when she mispronounced "sister" in Chinese? Based on what Fei said, probably not.

Uh...NOW I WANT TO SEE MORE OF ADRIEN TEACHING MARINETTE CHINESE! While I do take some issue of Adrien (a white French boy) teaching Marinette her culture like most of us had issue with in "Kung Food", I also want to see them interact outside of school and hopefully bond. ML writers need to keep their word otherwise Adrienette stans will riot!

Love how the final scene turned out! Its just *chef's kisses*

Also, the hell with the business trip?? It was mentioned once again IN THE ENDCARD! It might not be as interesting, but I want to think that there was more truth to it.

Also, wifi troubles kept interrupting the show at crucial moments, but okay.

Overall, I live for the Shanghai episode! The animation is just as incredible as the NY special (which I also live for) and I love how this episode has a great focus on Fei and the prodigious. I mean, before the intro, she tells her story. And she has her monologues alongside Marinette's. In many ways, it's refreshing. Also, Ladynoir and Adrienette stans will be satiated with the scenes associated with each ship. Also, I love Fei's character development! And the final scene is wholesome!

I won't lie though: there are a few issues regarding whitewashing Fei's transformation and such. It is important to see these things and as a good friend of mine always says: you can enjoy something while also being critical of it. And that is very important no matter how devotive to something you actually are.

Anyways, we are being well fed with all the Miraculous content and I will see you all very soon! Also, get some sleep peoples! I know some of you aren't sleeping!

[hoe-biwankenobi]

Dripping with Gold - Anakin Skywalker (1/2)

Apparently this is going to be the first SW fic I share. This is an interesting turn of event as I didn’t plan on having it done before my approx. 100000 WIPs, but honestly I like it, I truly do. So uh, enjoy!

PS: There WILL be a part 2 as there was a piece of dialogue I really wanted to get out there but couldn’t fit in this one. Stay tuned!

Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Dark side!reader

Word count: 3304

Warnings: kinda emotional manipulation ngl, me liking evil monologues waaaaayyyyy too much.

Summary: “The dark side surrounds you. Your eyes, they’re--” There was a slight tremor in his voice and his breathing visibly accelerated. The anger that had momentarily flared in his eyes was gone now, leaving its place to a helplessness that made your heart ache. “This isn’t right, I’m dreaming, you couldn’t have--You led everyone believe you were gone, you led me to believe you had left me behind--”

The cold rain hit your face like ice shards as you laid on your back, motionless and in pain. You were surrounded by rocks and darkness, barely touched by the dull light of the day that began to dim already. Your breath was ragged and your limbs were numb to your command, even your voice wouldn’t respond to you. You tried to scream, you begged the force to let you call for help, to give you back control of your arms to at least attempt to flag a passing ship--any passing ship, but nothing came out of either actions. 

You didn’t know how long you had been there, or really what had happened. You had been on a training flight with your Master when your ship was shot down, you didn’t even know by whom. The crash had been rough, and the last thing you remembered before waking up in the crevasse was the ship breaking in half and propelling you in the opposite direction of your Master. It could have been any time measure really, but the dryness in your throat and your cramping stomach led you to believe you had been there for at least a day. You weren’t bleeding an awful lot, but you definitely had broken bones.

Nobody was coming for you. You had felt your Master’s force signature twice in the distance already, and no matter how hard you tried to project to him, he never answered. You were too weak, probably, and if it had really been an entire day, it meant he had abandoned the searches already. That much was the Jedi way, to be ready to let go at any time. You should have accepted it, after all, you lived by that code too, but something about the slow, agonising death alone in the cold that had taken a hold of you left a bitter hatred linger in your heart. 

Hot tears started to stream down your face, stinging your wounds and mixing with the burning ice of the rain. You wanted to scream, not for somebody to hear you, but to let out the choking pressure that gripped your chest with vicious hands. Despite your shivering in the cold, your muscles were burning with anger and fear of the tethering edge you were dangling from. You both wanted to run away from this planet, and to close your eyes with nightfall and never wake up. 

Then, a shadow settled over your still form. You could barely see who it was. 

“Master Ki-Adi?” Your voice was barely above a whisper, almost inaudible over the battering of the rain. 

“You must be mistaken, young one” An unknown voice replied as the figure crouched in front of you. “My name is Darth Tyrannus, but I can assist you all the same”

You willed yourself to snap out of the unpleasant memory with a snarl, hitting the armrest of the chair you were sitting in. The dark tapestry of the old temple you claimed for yourself on Jaguada greeted you back in the real world with a growing headache. If you started to have visions of the past, especially ones tied with the Jedi, it meant they were closing in. Yet, it felt strange to have this one in particular, one that was so intertwined to the dark side before you even turned. 

You knew who was coming for you. 

You couldn’t help but smile at how brilliantly your own fortune had turned. Out of all the Jedi that could have made the trip, it was the exact one you wanted to see more than anything. If you concentrated enough, you could feel his force signature slowly spread around the barren lands of Jaguada as he got closer to your location.

The last time you saw Anakin, you were both 17 years old inseparable padawans. He didn’t have a lot of friends at the temple, mostly due to him being trained outside of the regular padawan learners classes. You weren’t very outgoing either, so more often than not, you ended up hanging out together. It however became more than friendly interactions after a few years, and you found yourselves in love despite the Jedi code. His name alone brought memories of warm embraces and sneaking around between training sessions, something neither the Jedi or the Sith could ever make you let go of. Now, Anakin was the only vestige of your heart that was still rooted in the light side.

But you knew. You knew there was a darkness that clung to Anakin, there had always been. A frustration, a recklessness, an anger, an all encompassing fear of loss; you knew it wouldn’t be as hard as any other Jedi to convince him he didn’t belong on the light side of the force. Most importantly, you knew you could do it. You were almost certain his attachment to you ran deep enough to remain alive even after four years apart. 

You had followed his progress from afar, his slow descent closer to the dark side from his reaction to your death up to this moment in the Clone Wars after countless losses and traumatic baggage. You weren’t the only one either, you knew the Sith were interested in him as well, but you were determined to get him first. You wouldn’t let Darth Tyrannus, or worse, Darth Sidious get their hands on him first. 

You had been Dooku’s apprentice for a time after he had pulled you from that shipwreck. He taught you the ways of the dark side after giving you the push you needed to turn, but soon enough, you began to grow displeased with the Sith. There were always talks of a masterplan for which you were never privy, and you knew Darth Sidious did not like your presence by Dooku’s side. The Sith, whom you were told weren’t as restrictive as the Jedi, turned out to be exactly the same in the end; the never ending rule and the cycles of power designed to keep you kneeling only pushed you away in the exact same fashion as the Jedi. 

Your Master’s betrayal was the final straw. You could still vividly remember the harsh red glow of his blade greeting you in the middle of the night, your instincts jolting you awake and using the force to protect yourself. He had been sent flying so hard and so fast that the north wall of your quarters had collapsed on impact, partially burying him in debris. You knew you were stronger with the force than him at that point, but his experience far outweighed yours, so you grabbed your lightsaber and disappeared into the night before he could get up and resume the fight. 

Your journey to Jaguada hadn’t been easy, but you managed to evade the Sith and take residence on a planet that once belonged to them, to add to the irony. You were left alone in your retreat in the margins of the only city in the never ending desert, none of the occasional smugglers and scavengers brave enough to approach the temple. Your only visitor in two years was, in fact, the Jedi that had just crossed the threshold of the temple. Moments later, Anakin stood on the other side of the large, empty room, and your breath caught in your throat. While there was no doubt it was really him only by his strong and distinct force signature you’d recognize everywhere, it was like he was another person entirely. 

You observed him intensely as he did you, taking in how his features had gone from boyish to absolutely handsome, and how his larger shoulders and intimidating posture projected the image of an accomplished warrior instead of a teenager. His eyes, as beautiful as ever, were locked with your golden ones as a thousand emotions passed through them. Short lived relief, shock, disbelief, hurt, all of which were translated in echo in his force signature.

Then, your name was spoken softly, as if he wanted to make sure it was really you.

“Anakin” You simply replied, giving him a smile. “It’s good to see you again”

He didn’t return it, no, instead, his gorgeous features contorted with incomprehension and pain. “You’re a sith. All this time, you were a Sith”

Your smile dropped and your expression hardened. “I am most certainly not” 

“The dark side surrounds you. Your eyes, they’re--” There was a slight tremor in his voice and his breathing visibly accelerated. The anger that had momentarily flared in his eyes was gone now, leaving its place to a helplessness that made your heart ache. “This isn’t right, I’m dreaming, you couldn’t have--You led everyone believe you were gone, you led me to believe you had left me behind--”

“Anakin” You called his name again, standing up from your chair and taking a step towards him. The way he backed away hurt more than any lightsaber wound. “I never meant to leave you behind. All I’ve wanted for the last four years was getting back to you, but I couldn’t, I wasn’t ready yet for you to see me like this”

“What happened?” He asked under his breath, still guarded against you.

“We crashed the ship, Master Ki-Adi barely looked for me before leaving me to an agonizing death” You couldn’t hide the bitterness of your words. “Then I was found by Count Dooku, who showed me the ways of the dark side”

He took a step further away.

“I’m not one of them anymore, Anakin” You repeated, tempting a step forward. “I couldn’t--I wouldn’t stay with them, the simple mention of them brings a bad taste in my mouth. I left to make my own path, one where I don’t have to bend to pointless rules, where I don’t need to break my back to please, where I am free”

“Then come back with me to the Jedi Temple” He said, his eyes shining with something alike to hope. “If you renounced the Sith, you--you could return home, finish your training, become a Jedi again”

You couldn’t hide your sorrow. “I won’t return”

“The Jedi Council will understand--”

“I know they would” You cut him off gently. “But I don’t want to. I am not willing to give up my freedom for the people that left me to die alone. You are the only good thing left for me there, and I want you by my side, but not there”

“Don’t” He warned, his hand reaching for his lightsaber on his belt. “Don’t play this game with me”

You unclasped yours as well, but before he could ignite his, you handed him the silver hilt. His arm faltered at his side as he stared in confusion at your lightsaber, like he wasn’t sure if it was a trap or not.

“I’m not playing any games, Anakin” You insisted. “I have no desire to fight you. My heart and my life is yours, it has always been”

Before you could blink, the saber was gone from your hand and a blur of blue and red crossed at your throat. You however remained calm, meeting his conflicted gaze through the harsh purple hue from the lightsabers’ juxtaposition.

“Give me one reason not to bring your back to Coruscant as a prisoner now”

“Bring me, don’t bring me, it doesn’t matter” You replied. “Whatever you choose to do with me won’t quiet down the little voice in your head that knows you don’t belong with the Jedi either. I know about what happened to your mother--”

“You don’t know anything!” His voice rose up as the sabers inched closer to you. His teeth were gritted and his jaw locked tightly. “The dark side is lying to you, I won’t let it lie to me too”

“Is it? ” You raised an eyebrow. “They didn’t let you go help her when your instinct told you she was in danger. They frowned upon your actions when it was theirs that led to her death. I know what you did to the sand people who took her, and I think they deserved it”

His grip faltered, but he still held you trapped between the sabers. Pain, so much pain reflected in his eyes in a storm of emotions.

“And do you think what they did to your padawan was fair?” You added, and while you could definitely see a reaction through the shift in his expression, he remained unmoving. “Yes, I know about that too. They were ready to punish her for a crime that wasn’t her doing, they didn’t trust her because they didn’t trust you”

“Please stop”

“You need to open your eyes, Anakin” You spoke softly. “The Jedi are not what they were. They became politicians, they care more about appeasing the public opinion than upholding real peace. They will let civil war rage on, they will let people die because politics say they can’t be involved. They will let slave merchants go on their business because it benefits the Republic, in the end. Do you see how wrong all of this is?”

He retracted the blades of the sabers, letting his hands fall at his side, and you took the invitation to get closer until you were standing right in front of him. He didn’t push away from you or make a move to get away as his head seemed deep in troublesome reflection. 

“I am not bound by these rules” You whispered as your hand gently cupped his cheek, bringing back his eyes to yours. “Neither should you have to be. You are strong, the strongest Jedi to have ever lived, and you are destined to be so much more than a bell boy for the Republic. You could end wars, you could end slavery, and I want that too. Alone I can’t do much, but it will be possible with you by my side. There will be no Masters but ourselves, no code but our own. Nobody ever again will have to suffer as we did once we bring our justice to the Galaxy”

“I… I can’t do this to the Jedi order” He muttered, leaning into your touch. His words lacked the conviction he was trained to uphold, and while you knew you had to carry him to the edge just a little bit longer, you couldn’t help the triumphant feeling washing over you. He was so close to falling, it was almost euphoric. “I can’t do this to Obi-Wan”

You slowly pressed your forehead to his, closing your eyes at the more than familiar feeling of having him this close. Memories of stolen moments in the Temple away from prying eyes flooded your mind and soaked into your force signature in the form of a warm, all consuming wave. His arms around you, your hands caressing his neck, bright eyes reflecting the sun rays hitting down on you, hidden confessions and promises of forever. A single warm tear rolled down your thumb on his cheek, and that’s how you knew he was seeing the same images. The love you had for each other was tragically beautiful, but it wouldn’t have to be anymore. 

“Do you still love me, Anakin?” You finally said, your voice barely over a breath in the wind. 

“Yes”

“The Council would never let us be together” You slowly reopened your eyes, but his were still tightly shut. “They would expel us. They’ll never understand what we have, they’ll never understand what we mean to each other. I love you with all my heart, Anakin”

His breath hitched into a sob as you were met with his blue eyes glistening like crystals. 

“Stay with me” You offered once again. “Nobody will be able to take me away from you again. I’m already more powerful than Dooku, and you are more powerful than Sidious himself. There will be no fear, no pain, no hiding”

He just kept staring into your eyes as the remaining of the little resolve he had melted away like ice under a flame. The whirlpool of emotions he was projecting all over the room was intense and vivid as it swirled around you, and that’s when you felt it: a tipping in the force. It was clear and strong, and you knew this was it. He had made his choice.

“I don’t want to feel those things anymore, I want what you said we could have” His voice cracked. “How do I get there? Please tell me how”

“Kiss me”

A breath escaped his lips as he cautiously closed the small distance to press his lips to yours. You took the first slow moments to relax against him, savouring the feeling of wholy having him back to you. Your hand found the back of his neck and his hair that had gotten longer since his padawan days, tangling your fingers through his loose lock. The kiss turned a bit more hasty and aggressive as he began pressing into you, like he too realized you were his without being scared of the consequences. You finally broke away to breathe, meeting his eyes again where you could observe a newfound determination. 

“Let go of all that slows you down, Anakin” You panted as the distant sound of lightsabers hitting the ground reached your ears. “Tell me what you want”

“I want everything” He mumbled as his nose trailed impatiently on your cheek. “I want to stop the people who bring suffering to the galaxy. I want to hunt down slavers and let them know what true fear is, I want to free the galaxy of tyranny. And I want to love you through it all, I want you with me”

“Then it’s yours” You smiled. “It’s all yours. All you have to do is take it. Embrace it”

In a heartbeat, his lips were back on yours with a passion you had never felt in him before. His hands circled your waist and pulled you impossibly closer to him, his fingers pressing hard enough for you to feel it through your robes. You could barely keep up with his pace as he took full control of the kiss, bruising your lips with his furious pace. He was letting go of four years of pain, four years of stress where the world kept taking away from him without giving anything back. Now it was his turn to take.

He backed you up to the throne-like chair you had been sitting on earlier until the back of your knees hit the seat, but you flipped the positions around and gently pushed him back into it and broke away from the kiss. He slowly opened his eyes, a golden-like yellow matching yours greeting you instead of the blue you were used to. You took a moment to admire him as he sat back in his throne like a born king laying his claim on the world. He was even more handsome like this, with that little smirk on his face and power exuding from every fiber of his being. He reached for you and you straddled him, resting your hands flat on the dark tunic covering his chest. His left hand raised to engulf yours over his heart and gave it a little squeeze.

“It feels good, doesn’t it?” 

“Indeed it does” He teased, looking up and down your form on his knees. Then, he lifted his right hand and brushed his gloved thumb over your lower lip, eyeing his motion with what resembled fascination. “I feel it. The dark side of the force, I mean. It’s… stronger. Untamed. Pure”

“It’ll make you even more powerful” You smiled as he looked back into your eyes. “You can do anything now, it’s your choice, nobody can stop you”

He slowly grinned back at you.

“Then what are we waiting for?”

[kajaono]

I am doing much better today again. I am still 100000% sure that Castiel will not be back, but I decided to put a list together will all the positive LGBTQ things my fandoms achieved in the last years (that helped me a lot yesterday to get my spirits up again)

Sending letters, mails, videos and a flip flop to Netflix to get Sense8 a finale, see the Nomanita wedding and making Wolfagng x Kala x Rajan canon. Bonus: My flip flop got featured in the thank you video from the cast 😂🤞

Sending postcards to BBC America to renew Dirk Gently. It is still cancelled but now an animated show is in the work

After the mess Sherlock season 4 was, together with the fandom my email helped to give the BBC complain server a break down, + BBC being forced to send us a „John and Sherlock were never in love“ mail. So embarrassing 😂

Collecting letters, arts and cosplays from all over the world, releasing a FinnPoe fanzine and sending it to Oscar Isaac

Helping the author of Shadowhunters to get his writing of Malec back on track, after a weak season 2 and making a Malec wedding possible

I tweeted the writers of Disco for one year (no exaggeration here) to make Jola canon. No clue if it will happen but at least it supported more screentime for them 

Getting in touch with the author of the Lando comics, explaing him how pansexualiyt works and that it is not only robots

The constant support of the fandom made a Destiel love confession possible in the first place

helping to get ODAAT a new home for a 4th season

Using my money to support independet queer artist and buying their fandom relasted stuff

Never let anyone tell you that shipping is not activism. Because it can, if you want to. Our voice are a force of change!

[thisdreamplace]

10 Days: Just Choose Happiness

Guidelines:

1. Choose happiness

2. Focus strictly on self (who I really am... I am affirming how EASY this is and how LIGHT I always feel)

3. SATs

4. “I Am” meditation (optional)

Why? 

Just to test the waters. I noticed, there HAS to be a thin line between allowing yourself to feel emotions and then when you start to dwell in them. For a while, I would get into these days of just being constantly anxious but would allow myself to be... then I thought, well, what if I just chose happiness despite anything? Am I just choosing sadness without realizing? Can I really just CHOOSE to be happy? Let’s find out.

I also was inspired by this Neville quote. In fact, I love it so much. It always makes me laugh! But truly, this quote is something so many of us need to hear, myself included.

Many times I have heard someone say: "I believe that imagining creates reality, but I once imagined something and it never came to pass." Then I ask: "What are you doing, saying: 'I once imagined it' and not imagining it now? For God's name is I Am, not I did! Always thinking of God as someone outside of himself, man finds it difficult to keep the tense, but God is the human imagination and there is no other God. - Neville Goddard

As Neville said, God’s name is I AM. Not, I did. Therefore, I Am and I will continue to be and thus, I will continue to stay in my most desirable states. I will choose happiness.

Reflection:

These 10 days were... amazing. Honestly. And I recommend this “challenge” or “experiment” or whatever to anyone who wants to seriously make this a lifestyle. Because honestly, the law is a lifestyle. It’s inevitable, so, might as well make it work for you. Anyway, there were so many cool things that happened and I will only mention this briefly, but, I know I am on a clear bridge of events right now for something I have wanted for so long. I don’t like paying attention to bridges because:

1. Giving them too much attention insinuates (in my opinion) you don’t have what you want yet. And, I 100000% have what I want. Right now.

2. Giving them too much attention in the past has made me incredibly anxious and then I end up feeling like I’m back at square 1.

But I mean, is that not cool regardless? Anyway, out of these 10 days, I had 8 great days and 2 days where I had some anxiety. I noticed when I’m anxious, manifesting feels hard because it feels like I’m forcing something that’s not real. So, I would change my focus back to the point of this challenge. Focusing on my own inner world. Getting what I want feels easy even when I’m anxious. Good things happen even if I’m anxious. And uhh, they did!! haha a direct circumstance I was worried about turned out so much better than I thought?? Not an anxious moment went by where things didn’t turn out great for me anyway.

But, I tried to make sure I found a balance between feeling low and staying focused on happiness and good things. I never want to push anything aside, so like usual, I would just twist it. “I feel anxious and yet, everything is working out for me!” I noticed it, felt it, but then I’d allow myself to at least be happy in my mind. If our imagination is the one true reality, we have that choice.

I realized, in the past, I was so use to brushing compliments/love under the rug. I would reassure myself they don’t mean what they’re saying. haha not anymore! I use this as ammunition now, to keep me persisting. The 3D is literally reflecting my hard inner work. I am not going to let the old man stop me! :) In fact, love is so easy for me to receive and accept. This was one of my thoughts I kept reminding myself of on this challenge. Plus, I will briefly mention, my biggest focus of change I wanted when learning about the law all those months ago, are centered around my experiences/relationships with others. When it comes to this journey, painful moments regarding others had been the old man who loved to pull me back into the old story and the victim mentality. So, I will say, I am seeing beautiful progress in this area and it’s all so lovely!

Best Manifestations:

- Tons of hang outs!! I hung out with someone almost every night and I even got to hang out with someone I wasn’t expecting? And it was the best thing ever. It was all so amazing!

- Lots of compliments/love. Literally, the compliments I got during this time was the shit I absolutely love to hear. “You’re one of the only people in this world I truly feel comfortable with.” “You’re my favorite person.” “I am so glad I manifested you as my spirit guide.” HAHA someone literally said that! And then the super sweet asks I got on here too! It was wonderful!

- Sports wins? Okay, this one is funny to me because I could care less about sports. But, my family is a big fan of sports so whatever. In passing, I wanted my family’s team to win and they did. Twice. After the first one, I did get super anxious about them winning again. And they won anyway. Yeah, after this success I am totally over being scared of anxiety. I have proven to myself, time and time again, that anxiety won’t stop my manifestations from happening.

- Amazing conversation that really aligned with these 10 days. During one of my hangouts with a friend, we ended up talking about manifestation/Neville/infinite realities. Didn't think that’d happen?? I’m always scared to bring this up because, you know, mixed reactions. But she made is easy because she kind of spoke on something similar right before, so I thought it’d be the perfect gateway into the law. Thing was though, this friend was SUPER receptive. On top of that, she totally, on her own, spoke to me like my focus of these 10 days!! Like, sometimes I’d admit some of my limited beliefs and she’d just be like, “no. just decide. If we’re creating our reality you can literally just decide.” And I’m like damn. It IS that simple! And all I have to do is decide. It’s that simple. Her responses really mirrored this challenge, it was so freaking cool. She literally said, “just decide you already know everything and this is easy. We can do that. It’s our reality.” And it was like wow, YOU GOT ME AGAIN. hahahahahah So this just reinforced everything for me.

Best Self-Concept Improvements:

- My MOOD. I really did decide to be happy and so... I was. I also had tons of energy and usually felt super playful. :)

- Deeper understanding of info (clearly a direct manifestation from my affirmations!) Like, rereading some of the things I found inspirational hits so different. Like, it’s not just inspirational anymore. The words actually resonate... on a deeper level for me. And I actually freaking get it. Like, yes, this is the truth! The real truth! I am moving away from intellectually understanding the law to truly feeling and knowing the law to be true.

- It’s easier to give myself unconditional love AND it’s easier to revise on the spot. I had plenty of human moments but it was so easy not to dwell and just hop back on the wagon. Plus, I was instantly revising like crazy these past 10 days. As soon as a person said something that didn’t align with my desire, it was an easy revise and I was able to keep going along happily, because they actually said something wonderful in my mind.

- It is so easy to catch the feeling of having what I want. Like seriously, and it feels so great. Anytime I want to experience something, I know I can just tap into my 4D world, experience it, and feel great. Because I know that’s where everything that happens in the 3D takes place first, so why wouldn’t I be more than happy to my inner world amazing?

Conclusion:

I would say my biggest take away is that, if our imagination is where everything happens and the 3D is just a mirror... let’s shift our focus to what really matters. Our minds. Where everything is happening and where everything is actually taking place. The 3D only hurts our feelings because we allow it to. We spend so much time focusing on the law so that it gives us a beautiful result in the 3D, but even Neville said you must turn inward and change your self-concept first. So why do we ignore that very fact? The more we turn our attention towards the 4D, the more fun and effortless this all becomes. I will definitely be doing more of these.

I’d also like to credit u/chocolate-trains from Reddit because they do experiments every week and they inspired me to try some of my own. :)

Anyway, happy manifesting, y’all! 💖

[creepy-bi-day]

*Slams hands on table* FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GIVE US SOME FEMALE READER DOMING EJ AND JEFF AND THEN JUST LEAVING THEM TO WAIT PLEASE

I fucking CACKLED

Alright, so I may not be the bEsT at writing reader as a dom mostly because I am a sub 100000%

But YES. I’m assuming you meant separately soooo.

@fekst-fucker @just-a-creep-babe

I’m sorry I keep tagging you guys so much! There’s a lot of demand for demon bois rn—

I wrote Jeff as more of a standard sub, and Jack as more of a brat, because I just cannot see him giving up control completely. Jack’s is also a bit more... kinky.

Warnings: edging, punishment, implications of dubcon, bondage, slapping

Jeff and EJ with a ‘dom’ S/O

Jeff—

You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your lips as you walked around the bed.

Jeff laid in his jeans, which were unbuttoned and hanging around his hips loosely. His arms were tied together above his head and his legs were spread and fastened to the bedposts. His eyes were covered with one of your favorite silk sleeping masks.

You trailed your hand up his thigh slowly before lifting it away when he tried to thrust into your touch.

“Aww, is the tough guy horny?” You mused, placing a hand over his hardened cock. He groaned loudly before tensing. He knew he wasn’t supposed to move. “At least you’re being a good boy now though.”

You leaned forward to bite his collarbone and moved your hand up his stomach to wrap around his pale throat. You felt his Adam’s apple struggle under your hand as he swallowed. “Aren’t you my good boy?”

Jeff nodded quickly, almost vibrating with want at this point. You tightened your grip and wrapped your free hand around him again, gripping him almost too tightly. “Answer me, Jeffery.”

“Yes,” he gasped breathlessly. “Yes I’m your good boy, and I’m only your good boy I promise-“

You let go of hit throat and began to slowly jerk him off as he whined and squirmed under you. Before he could cum, however, you pulled away with a grin he wouldn’t see.

“I’m just starved, Jeff. I think I’m going to go get a snack,” you hummed, throwing on a pair of jeans. “Be a good boy and wait.”

Befor he could respond, you were already out the door and on your way downstairs.

Jack—

“Jackson, stop being such a brat!” You seethed, slapping the taller man across the face. He snarled at you in response, lip curling as he tugged on the chains attaching him to the wall. He had agreed to this himself, but it seemed like it was playing out better than you had hoped.

“I’ll fucking stop when you let me out. I’m the one in charge here, (y/n)!” He roared tugging at the metal around his wrists. The brackets above him groaned in response, and you knew they wouldn’t last much longer. Instead of responding, you eyed him, taking in the expanse of that dark gray skin and the rippling muscle beneath it.

He was chained to the wall, arms above him so he couldn’t lunge at you and clothed only in a tight pair of dark blue boxer briefs.

“Maybe if you were good you’d get a reward, Jack,” you cooed, kneeling in front of him. He froze, lip still curled in a silent growl as you gently licked his stomach before kissing your way to the edge of his underwear. “Bad boys only get punished.”

You pulled away, causing him to throw another fit.

“Get back here! You can’t fucking leave me like this!” His accent was thickening with each word as he lost his temper more and more. “Get back here, (Y/n)! You’re in so much fucking trouble when I get out-“

“Oh?” You asked, walking to the door of his laboratory. “When you get out? You made those chains specifically to hold you. So I’ll be back. Have fun, Jacky~.”

Oh, if only you had heard the sound of metal breaking as soon as you closed the door.

[shangyang]

what i read this week

mostly rereads this week - my tbr pile is growing by the day and i keep adding to it, so shame on me, lmao. next week: things i've actually read for the first time. promise.

EMERGENCY CONTACT, mary h.k. choi

For Penny Lee, high school was a total nonevent. Her friends were okay, her grades were fine, and while she somehow managed to land a boyfriend, he doesn’t actually know anything about her. When Penny heads to college in Austin, Texas, to learn how to become a writer, it’s seventy-nine miles and a zillion light years away from everything she can’t wait to leave behind. Sam’s stuck. Literally, figuratively, emotionally, financially. He works at a café and sleeps there too, on a mattress on the floor of an empty storage room upstairs. He knows that this is the god-awful chapter of his life that will serve as inspiration for when he’s a famous movie director but right this second the seventeen bucks in his checking account and his dying laptop are really testing him. When Sam and Penny cross paths it’s less meet-cute and more a collision of unbearable awkwardness. Still, they swap numbers and stay in touch—via text—and soon become digitally inseparable, sharing their deepest anxieties and secret dreams without the humiliating weirdness of having to see each other.

still one of my favorite books, ever. penny's voice is so on point and just so personal, and the way these two fall together? ugh. chef's kiss. i particularly love penny's relationship with her mother, and the way penny talks about it. but emergency contact has a special place in my heart for telling one of the first stories that made me realize asian american stories didn't have to revolve around our mythology, or the "homeland". 100000/10, if you haven't read emergency contact, what have you been doing, pick it up right now.

MOONCAKES, author: suzanne walker, illust: wendy xu

A story of love and demons, family and witchcraft. Nova Huang knows more about magic than your average teen witch. She works at her grandmothers’ bookshop, where she helps them loan out spell books and investigate any supernatural occurrences in their New England town. One fateful night, she follows reports of a white wolf into the woods, and she comes across the unexpected: her childhood crush, Tam Lang, battling a horse demon in the woods. As a werewolf, Tam has been wandering from place to place for years, unable to call any townhome. Pursued by dark forces eager to claim the magic of wolves and out of options, Tam turns to Nova for help. Their latent feelings are rekindled against the backdrop of witchcraft, untested magic, occult rituals, and family ties both new and old in this enchanting tale of self-discovery.

i finally got my hands on a fully-colored version of mooncakes, so this was another reread for me! i'm probably gonna talk in-depth about why i loved mooncakes as much as i did (spoiler: cute romance & witches make me weak lol). my actual copy is a pre-release version of it, which i was super lucky to get during bookcon in...i believe 2019? my copy is signed and i am not the least bit ashamed to admit that i cried when i realized wendy xu was still at her table and i got to meet her. so yeah. mooncakes. don't let yourself be fooled by the pastels, and cutesy art, mooncakes is by no means the most hardcore, or goriest story out there, but it's heavy in it's own way. still, it's schmoopy and cute and both nova and tam are great characters who i am in love with. but the MVP award absolutely goes to nova's kickass grandmas, who run a little shop underneath their home. 10/10 please read mooncakes. it's cute and fun, and you're supporting an asian-american creator.

COMING HOME AGAIN, chang-rae lee

In Coming Home Again, celebrated novelist Chang-rae Lee, author of On Such a Full Sea and Native Speaker, recalls the year he spent living at home, and learning to cook the Korean dishes of his childhood before his mother died of stomach cancer.

i had to read this initially for an assignment for one of my lectures last semester, but it stuck with me. so recently, i went back to properly reread it - out of enjoyment, not just obligation, haha - and yeah. published in the oct 16, 1995, edition of the new yorker, coming home again is a short story more than it is a novel/graphic novel, like the prev. two works i've listed. it's good. it's melancholic, and the last part of the story hurts, and i feel, is especially punchy considering the times we live in. (corona, stop asian hate, the full gamut.) coming home again is free to read on the new yorker's website, so if you're going to read any of these three, let it be this. 10000000/10, this piece hurts so much, but in a really good way. i had to call my grandma and my mom after reading it.