#i am my own invention: ben

[incorrectcreepypastafam]

Creepypasta As DanAndPhilGAMES Quotes After The Revival

Toby: I’ve graduated into fuckland

Jeff: just stop speaking

Toby: okay

Toby: soft launching the gay

Jeff: I’m gonna hard launch you out of that window

Liu: know what I mean?

Jeff: no

Jeff: is it hard for you to speak sometimes

Lyra: did that work

Jeff: not really

Lyra: I tried really hard

Jeff: what is the most emo clothing we got here

Jeff: my brother, WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE

Lyra: look at this magnificent bitch

Brian: communities that shit together stay together

Jeff: I will try to be normal

Tim: where’s your mind at

Toby: where’s your mom at

Toby: and now I’m wet in this suit

Lyra: uhhhhhhhhhh

Lyra: you pissed?

Toby: I’m gonna stop breathing

Jeff: thank you, Toby, that’s a good volunteer

Ben: maybe they got struck by lightning

Jeff: where was the lightning bitch

Ben: I’m gonna haunt every generation of your family

Tim: should we take it in turns with the swinging?

Tim: that’s what someone’s mom said last night

Game: it’s been a long day

Liu, to Jeff: me sitting next to you

Brian: I’m grabbing my boobs

Sally: is it an alien or Squidward? What are we being chased by?

Sally: it’s hard for me to tell

Liu: THATS THE SHADOW OF THE ROSE ITS NOT A DEMON

Jeff: if that baby comes out I’m gonna kill you

Toby: I’d like that

Toby: you know what they say about big feet

Lyra: what

Toby: big socks

Lyra: okay

Jeff: half an hour montage of Tobias Rogers attempting to learn how to put on a cape

Toby: can you help

Jeff: no

Toby: and then I just saw some lightning happening in the microwave and thought “what a beautiful night for a thunderstorm”

Sally: I don’t do drugs I don’t know what grams are

Lyra: im hot I don’t know how to count

Jeff: maybe I am heaven

Sally, pointing at plastic spiders: that’s Ben. That’s Ben 2. That’s Ben 3

Liu: I’m gonna give us a solid 7/10 on that one

Jeff: just a seven? Are you fucking kidding me

Liu: I was being humble

Jeff: fuck humble

Jeff: do you ever reflect on our lives and just think… stop

Liu: yeah all the time

Tim: I wanna fuck the Eiffel tower

Jeff: dead people in France

Liu: STOP IT

Ben: im gonna hit you with a meteor

Sally: im gonna microwave you

Toby: can I just show you something

Jeff: is it a dead person in France

Jeff: im in my cougar era. Watch out twinks, Jeff is on the prowl

Lyra: I wanna do things to this house

Liu, through his teeth: what do you want to do to the house, Lyra?

Liu, through his teeth: respect the house, Lyra

Jeff: what happens when you tap the emo dragon

Liu: you want me to tap it?

Jeff: yeah

Liu: *taps dragon*

*g note plays*

Jeff: that’s damn right

Ben: I do not think playing this game is how Christ would want us to start his season but here we are

Jeff: but Santa would and so would his brother, Satan

Ben: okay

Jeff: I don’t own any sex toys that go chomp chomp

Jeff: but nice to know that you do

Jeff: I’d say Jesus Christ but I know he’s not listening right now

Toby: five strokes and you’re done

Jeff: that’s what they call me. Five strokes Jeffy

Jeff: who’s they? What am I saying?

*trying to figure out what lmb stands for*

Jeff: lobotomy maybe bestie

Toby: look mate… BITCH

Jeff: it’s making you more intelligent that’s why you’re winning at golf

Jeff: we finally found a way to fix you

Sally: you’re banned from friendship

Ben: this is a safe space

*literally five minutes later*

Ben: point at the guy who doesn’t know how to crouch

Lyra: I would like you all to tell me how I can be better at this game

Ben: um don’t walk down hole

Lyra: okay

*playing Lethal Company*

Jeff: Ben’s not here let’s have a party

Ben: please get back on the ship or I’ll be leaving without you

Jeff: we thought we found a wheel. It was a mine

Jeff: they’re both fucking dead as fuck

Ben, laughing: good job

Jeff: Tim, you’re a top bunk kinda guy right?

Tim: that’s not what Tumblr says

Jeff: is that brown Grimace

Jeff: what the fuck am I looking at

Toby: I’ve never watched an episode of My Little Pony

Jeff: no because you’re normal

Game: who invented the lightning rod

Sally: me

Lyra: what’s the opposite of tears

Jeff:

Jeff: piss

Jeff: and the moral of the story is

Jeff: fuck books

Jeff: get paper cuts

Liu: no

Jeff: what

Liu: stop

Jeff: oh I missed this completely

Liu: is there some kind of grimy wall from your childhood we need to talk about

Jeff: it’s you bitch

Lyra: I put up flyers for car washing. I washed someone’s car and then they said I scratched it with my rings. Why was an eight year old wearing rings?

Jeff: did they try to scam an eight year old?

Lyra: YES

Jeff: you should’ve killed them

Brian: I would give birth to a child on this

Tim: yes

Brian: I would eat the child straight off it

Tim: no

Liu: let’s just grab an apple and try our best

Toby: hey Siri what’s 25+6

Ben:

Ben: girl-

Ben: 31

Toby: 29

*playing Poppy Playtime*

Jeff, to a toy oven: come with me, Owen

Liu: Owen needs to stay where he is

Jeff: I will love you, Owen

Jeff: I don’t like to contribute I just like to judge

Liu: but, Jeff, what is a VPN?

Jeff: virtual private gnome

Liu: gnome begins with a g

Jeff: :0

Sally: everything is just too heavy

Sally: even milk like

Sally: why are you heavy

Lyra: honestly liquid needs to calm down

Lyra: you know what we say about

superstitions

Liu: that they’re not real?

Lyra:

Lyra: do you wanna fight

Toby: just like Sonic The Hedgehog we’re going speed dating

Toby: … as he was known to do

Ben: what

Toby: what fictional characters could we see here

Toby: what are you expecting

Lyra: I’m expecting an anime boy

Lyra: I don’t know who else

Toby: Bill Clinton

Lyra: okay

Toby: he’s real

Jeff: I don’t care if Mozart did this when he was five he’s a nerd

Liu, about baboons: they only live up to 30 years in the wild and 45 years in captivity

Jeff: oh my god you’ve only got a couple years left

Ben: life comes at you fast and so does Trombone Champ

Tim: unleash the babussy

Jeff: did you just g note me with a fucking trombone

Jeff: last time I lost my voice. I’m loud as fuck today you’re gonna wish I had

Lyra: they ate

Liu: okay

Jeff: I was 26 doing that on YouTube

Jeff: fuck yeah good for me

Jeff: did you know that we are celebrities

Toby: celebritenis

Jeff: we are vips

Toby: vipenis

Jeff: we are influenc-

Jeff: *vomit noise*

Jeff: what did you just say

Toby: vipenis

Jeff:

Sally: when I did 23andme it said I was 8% lobster and I think we all know why

Brian: I think I looked snatched

Toby: *dies laughing*

Brian: did I use that right

Jeff: look it’s hard being this pretty

Lyra, reading the question: if they were having a party, what would they serve

Jeff: cunt

Jeff: sorry

Toby: I mean anything could’ve slipped onto something

Jeff: what

Toby: I don’t know what I mean

Jeff: oh god

[cheshire-castle-library]

It is immensely funny to me that 2 of my childhood idles Chris and Martin Kratt wrote and produce a cartoon fanficrion of themselves and what they do as zoologists.

I know the live sction version i saw in zaboomafoo was also just a public persona, but like,,, its so fucking funny to see them draw themselves as superheroes and invent supervillains that are essentially the things i also dislike about the real world, but in funny costumes and using almost ben 10 like "scifi" to save the day.

Also every now and then theres the tiniest reference to zaboomafoo and its like "autism yippee activate" but i cant share that with my cousins, for whom i am watching wild kratts in the first place, because its nowhere online and i can't explain "yeah once upon a time, they had a puppet leemur instead of cartoons and power suits and they just like hiked and stuff, but yeah no blue brother has always been messy and green brother has always been organized and they used to have a closet avalanche on them every day" we just cant relate that way, no matter how my inner child wants to guah about zaboomafoo the same way my cousins gush about wild kratts.

Somehow, we're on uncommon common ground, and it centers about the 2 zoologist brothers i grew up watching on grainy pbs local access.

And they're like playing up their personas enough they're essentially creating their own fanon versions of themselves, and so tiny repressed childhood-programs autism creeture and the quality of the fandom and the quality and nuance of the show are Introducing Brainworms.

Also does the animation and art feel like a blend of Danny Phantom and Kim Possible????

[parablesystem]

tumblr but it's just our system

⚠️ grocerystoremanager Follow

how am i the most responsible person here

👑 trophyhusband Follow

i just watched you eat an entire pint of ben n jerrys

⚠️ grocerystoremanager Follow

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

3 notes

📺 soupfan65 Follow

just made soup

⌨️ ceo-entrepreneur Follow

K

⌨️ ceo-entrepreneur Follow

U

📺 soupfan65 Follow

Why are you trying to kung pow penis me over soup

⌨️ ceo-entrepreneur Follow

N

136 notes

✉️ malcolmkyle Follow

I don't like emails

-5 notes

📜 number1emailfan Follow

i want to suck an email off silly style

65.7k notes

💋 shirlgirl Follow

anyone know where i can get some good snacks around here

❄️ thenarrative Follow

try the shop down the street on the corner. do you ever think about walking away into the snow and never coming back

❄️ thenarrative Follow

who said that

💋 shirlgirl Follow

thanks

35 notes

🛌 cozypilled Follow

they should invent a me thats warm and cozy

🚬 losingdogs Follow

i can help with that

🛌 cozypilled Follow

😳😳 how

🚬 losingdogs Follow

1003 notes

🗝️ double-oh-three-point-five Follow

gonna scare @grocerystoremanager as a prank brb

🗝️ double-oh-three-point-five Follow

hopital

203 notes

🏠 bananafan-deactivated-20200226

theres a cat on my lawn guys brb

📺 soupfan65 Follow

Damn. The cat got him :(

78 notes

🎲 heroatlaw Follow

cant believe my husband ate all the ben n jerrys smh

👑 trophyhusband Follow

divorce wins🎉

6 notes

[ducktoonsfanart]

Donald Duck celebrates his birthday with his partner Gyro (Donro) and his nephews - Newton and Huey, Dewey and Louie as Sherlock and Watson in London (AU) - Gift for my friend

Unfortunately, due to my busy schedule, I didn't get there in time to finish what I wanted to, and I apologize for that. I also wanted to do something related to Donro Week, but unfortunately I was prevented, and I was busy. I certainly drew two drawings and am posting them and dedicated to my friend who loves these characters and who gave me these ideas, especially for Sherlock Holmes.

Yes, one drawing is related to Sherlock Holmes and it's an AU, in which Newton (Gyro's nephew) plays Sherlock, and Donald's nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie play Dr. Watson, the three Watsons. Yes, for those who don't know Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character and the main character of the detective novels of the same name who investigates many crimes together with his partner Dr. John H. Watson and inspired many to make many movies, series and cartoons about him. Of course, those detective novels were written by none other than the brilliant English (or rather Scottish) writer Sir Arthur Ignatius Conan Doyle. Newton and HDL are in London in outfits from the 19th century and investigate various mysteries and crimes. I also drew a background of London with Big Ben and a red London bus (although unfortunately it didn't work for me).

The second drawing is related to the celebration of Donald's birthday, which could be June 9, or March 13, or any Friday the 13th. Yes, Donald celebrates his birthday with his nephews and best friend and partner Gyro Gearloose, a genius inventor from Duckburg, although his inventions sometimes go awry. And there's Newton Gearloose, Gyro's mischievous nephew. Yes, I combined a bit from Italian comics, Ducktales 2017, Quack Pack and my head, in my own style in one place. Yes, HDL and Newton wear backwards hats, and Donald got a birthday cake with strawberries, as symbols of the beginning of summer. And that this is dedicated to Donro (the love gay couple between Donald and Gyro). Happy Belated Birthday Donald Duck!

Yes Sherlock Holmes AU is not mine, and these drawings are actually a gift for my friend @sikyurame, who designed this and who loves these characters and thank you for these inspirations and I agree we need more drawings of Donald and Gyro with their nephews. I hope you like these drawings.

I hope you like these drawings and these ideas and if you like this feel free to like and reblog this!

[galacticspaceguy]

A list of Treasure Planet Projects I’m working on:

The Curse of Calico

We all know this one /j This is a Treasure Planet OC project that I’ve been playing favorite on for the last few months now.

A Trail Of Bones

This one is the story of what Bones did after Flint died, how he managed to avoid anyone finding the map for 100 years, and how he met Silver.

Lost Logs of B.E.N

The lost logs are gonna be a short collection of chapters in a fic following Ben’s life, all the way from his creation to when he met Jim.

Silver and Gold

This is a John Silver backstory! It overlaps with A Trail Of Bones and follows Silvers love for gold and the legend of Flint grow!

Treasure Planet 2 and Treasure Planet: The Series

Very self explanatory, but this is gonna be my own twist on the sequels ;)

These next four are short stories I wanna work out for Amelia and Dobblers kids. I am still working out the titles;

-The Inventions of Matey

-The Adventures of Jib

-The Diary of Tillie

-When It Rains It’s Sunny

[alovelessmelancholy]

Hey All! If you want something all lovey-dovey and Regency to read for Valentine's Day 💚, I posted my first attempt at a Polin fanfic on AO3. Here's a short plot description:

Colin returns from his summer travels to find Pen is missing. He decides to go his own way trying to find her, hiding from the Ton and the rest of his family in the process.

It's funny, a little risque', and full of sibling angst! If that appeals to you, go check it out!

💛💙💚💛💙💚💛💙💚💛💙💚💛💙💚💛💙💚

Here is a little excerpt from Chapter 1:

A Purpose Found

by ALoveLessMelancholy 

“Thank you for being so kind as to request my presence for tea today Lady Bridgerton,”said Penelope.

 “You are quite welcome my dear,” Violet said with genuine warmth. “As you know, I am no longer the lady of the house, but my successor was fully amenable to the suggestion that a request for your presence be extended. We have missed seeing your lovely face for all these long months. I can speak for us all when I say that we are so pleased to see you and Eloise reconcile after your unfortunate falling out.” 

     “Yes, we are certainly happy to see you back at our table where you belong,” chirped Benedict with his usual cheer and good humour.

    Penelope had missed his smile. If she'd had a brother of her own, she would have wanted one much like him. Always quick with a witty observation or remark, she could always depend upon Ben for some much needed levity. 

        “Quite happy indeed,” said Anthony with a sunny smile that could be considered disconcerting if one did not have any context with which to explain its appearance on a once sullen countenance. Penelope beamed brightly at this praise, something that had been sorely missing from the relationships she endured with both her own mother and sisters. 

   “I am sure Eloise has been doing quite well in the world without my presence, but I am certainly happy to return to her side as co-conspirator.” 

  Eloise, who had been watching this scene of reconciliation unfold, turned to her friend at this.

   ”As am I,” she said. 

    Gesturing toward Benedict and Anthony, she elaborated, “Attempts to have any sort of worthwhile discussion regarding the plight of women in our society with either of these two would be rather distressing if not impossible in its difficulty.”

    Benedict protested,” I am quite convinced that you feel that men in general may be the villains who plague all of society with their, and if I may quote you, ’inane ideas and endless self-indulgent blathering’, so what beliefs of my own invention could possibly be suitable for conversation which meets your ridiculously high standards?”

  “Exactly right!” 

    Eloise shot Ben a smug smile just as Anthony, unphased by his sister’s commentary, extended his own sentiments for her evaluation.

    “My wife keeps me well-informed on all matters regarding feminist ideals, so I am confident that you would find conversation with me on such topics to be most vigorous indeed.” 

 Penelope, having been watching and listening intently to this most beloved family’s bantering after being deprived of it for so very long, had as of yet failed to make note of the intent, unwavering gaze directed at her from the man sitting at the far end of the table. 

    Once their eyes locked, Penelope immediately turned a shade of crimson unlike any other she had experienced, the feeling, she imagined, not unlike a molten wave which enveloped first her cheeks, then made its way down the curve of her neck and beyond, down further still to her bosom. 

     Colin followed the path of this exquisite change with his eyes, unrelenting in his observation and admiration of her now blooming femininity. 

   “Colin!” Violet admonished. 

    She had seen Penelope’s deep blush when Colin’s eyes bore into hers and it was blatantly apparent that his mind had turned to thoughts other than family and friendship, most of which she feared were not only inappropriate, but very likely scandalous.

     “Haven’t you anything to say to our guest this afternoon? It has been an age since you last saw one another, so there has to be some catching up that you must feel compelled to do.”

Colin, having been pulled so abruptly from his waking dream by his mother’s baleful shouting, continued gaping momentarily until a glance at his brothers, unabashedly snickering as they were, snapped him awake. What they were carrying on about he could not begin to guess, but he knew that they were most certainly up to no good. He could not be bothered with their insolence when he had so much on his mind. 

    “Yes, of course Mother. I intend to have a chat with Miss Featherington at her discretion. I did not wish to monopolise her attentions with so many of the family in attendance for tea today.”

     Colin trained his eyes upon Penelope once more, momentarily undeterred by what his brothers, mother and sister might think, his mind overtaken with what had transpired between them yesterday evening.  

Wanna read more? You can find it here :

[softquietsteadylove]

I'm rewatching The Hungergames right now and thought it must be possible to imagine Thenamesh in this kind of situation.

"You can't hide in here forever."

Gil nearly yelped, but he couldn't help it. He had been all but trembling since they got on the transports, and now things were really setting in. They were really here, they were really going to be competing with each other - to the death - in a matter of weeks.

He really had volunteered to go in Phastos' place.

Her name was Thena, he remembered from their briefings. She was from District 2, and a favourite to win the whole damn thing. She was smart, she was strong, she was trained in blades and deadly from head to toe. And she was really pretty.

"Well?"

"S-Sorry," Gil murmured, creeping out from the solace he'd found in the equipment room. Everyone else was in the training room already, showing themselves off (or just trying not to look like a walking target).

"Don't apologise," she said immediately, crossing her arms at him. "Your decisions are your own from here on out. You have to be prepared to live with the consequences of every one of them."

"Right," he murmured, not entirely sure how to talk to the career driven girl. He fidgeted with his hands in front of him.

She paused, though, tilting her head at him. Her hair slipped over her shoulder. His eyes followed it. "You volunteered to compete in place of your brother."

Yes, he had famously volunteered as tribute, the first example of it in years, supposedly. They were from District 4, not the worst off, but not the best either. They had grown up swimming and fishing, but Phastos was a nervous kind of kid. He was better at inventing contraptions than wrestling with his fellow man.

Gil had heard his brother's name called, looked over and seen Phastos crying on Ben's shoulder, and ran forward.

"I admire you for it."

Well, he hadn't been expecting that. He looked up at her, finding a rare smile on her face. It was so beautiful it made her seem almost human. "Uh, thanks?"

She dropped her arms and her rigid stance all together. More and more she looked like a girl close to his age--a girl he could have known were it not for this shit show. "I volunteered for my brother."

Oh! He didn't even know that was allowed.

"Druig is smart, but he isn't strong," she admitted quietly, looking down at her feet. "He isn't a Fighter. But I am."

He knew that. Everyone around them knew it--Kingo had even told him that bets were passing hands in her favour. "What about the other guy?"

"Ikaris," she muttered, looking up at him again. "He's a Fighter, and I suppose I can't blame him for being angry with me. Because I volunteered, they had to re-raffle the boys' names."

Yeah, that was a pretty good reason.

"Be careful," she advised, "around him. I mean it--I may be at the top of his list, but Ikaris is vicious. I think he's the only one here more capable of a kill shot than I am."

Gil winced. He wasn't sure he wanted to see that. He wasn't going to be able to keep his promise to Phastos at all.

Thena stepped closer to him, though. "But he's not invincible--none of us are."

She seemed almost excited by that.

"Ikaris has a terrible temper," she continued telling him lethal information on her temporary teammate. "He's easily baited. And his form and technique aren't really that good, he's just strong. If you find yourself in range of him, play dirty."

Gil almost scoffed but Thena stepped in closer again. His jaw clapped shut, his cheeks flushing as he caught the scent of fancy shampoo off her hair.

"I mean it, Gil," she pressed, and he barely had to time to ask how she knew his name. "Taunt him, tease him, do anything necessary to make him lose his cool. It could end up saving your life if I'm not there."

"If you're not-"

"And stop cowering during the training sessions!" She was back to ordering him. She stepped back though, placing her hands on her hips. "I know how strong you are. You thought no one was looking but I've seen you re-rack the training weights like they're scraps of paper."

Yeah, it was from a lifetime of hauling fishnets onto the boats. It was a core workout if ever there was one.

"We might have to play their game, but I refuse to believe that our only allies are ourselves," she stated outright, gripping her fists as if she had her signature dual blades in her hands. "My advisor is sweet--maybe a little too sweet for all of this. But Ajak knows how the games work, how to get sponsors and how to poll well so people want to keep you around."

Well, that was easy for her to say, Gil couldn't help thinking. She was cool, beautiful, had that kind of unattainable don't-talk-to-me charm that could drive guys nuts. Of course she would be popular with the audience!

"I've got my eye on you, Gilgamesh," she concluded, stepping towards the door again. She looked at him over her shoulder. "Just...remember what I said when you're out there."

He didn't know if she meant in the training room or once they were really out there in the field. But he nodded, newly convinced that yeah--maybe he could make it through this. Just maybe.

[aissadraw]

Man...

Okay so- I recently found a Mikey tmnt plushie from 2012 and thanks to me remembering they existed I started watching rottmnt (I'm still on season 1 but about to finish if-) anyway after seeing what Ben Schwartz does the voice of Leo (I'm from Mexico so I found out a couple of days later because I wanted to see the series in Spanish) and also remembering Sonic again, my mind began to think of a scenario something like this:

Okay well in a nutshell I imagined Sonic coming across the rottmnt series and immediately becoming interested or caught up in it.

I am 100% sure that after he has started to get hooked and watched a couple of chapters he will start dragging Tails and Knuckles to watch the series with him while Maddie and Tom also join them.

Even- God! Imagining Tails being somewhat amazed at Donnie's inventions on the show and then trying to replicate some of them is adorable and makes me want to squeal (I'm sure Sonic would encourage that while Tom and Maddie try to make the kid not invent something very dangerous)

Oh also, Sonic probably has Leo as his favorite character (maybe Mikey too), Knuckles probably won't get that hooked at first, but Raphael will probably end up being his favorite character while Tails' is Donnie

Or I also think that Maddie would like April and Tom would also like Leo (maybe because of his jokes or also because he reminds him a bit of his own son, who knows, I don't have the best ideas, sorry)

I- is there any fanfic with this idea? if so please! someone share it with me, I definitely want to read something like this

Anyway, if there isn't one I'll probably end up telling my girlfriend the scenarios I imagined in my head about it lol

[crazy56u]

Welcome to Monday. I can watch it live this week. Go me.

Last time on Quantum Leap: Mystery Cowboy.

And we cut to the Project having a stroke.

Okay, are we fucking doing Evil Leaper Project this week?

Well, fuck, that‘s on the backburner: Ben’s in 1989, doing the original pilot now.

I have never been to a sport’s bar in my life, and I thank every day of my life that I have yet to do so.

Oh boy, the 1989 World Series! Luckily nothing bad happens today!

And I love how Ben automatically remembers what happened today.

Uh oh, the camera’s shaking, things are going fucky!

That guy fucking died.

Or not.

I love that Ben fucking fled down the street instead of doing his own medical shit.

Was that the Breaking Bad RV?

“Okay, so, I just experienced an earthquake, but what the fuck was up with the cowboy?”

“Look, last week was last week, focus on this week. Next week involves ghosts, apparently.”

Ben, push comes to shove, just claim you have a migraine, that’ll explain you not knowing shit.

Leaper X. The only force capable of toppling Jason X.

Calling it now: Janis’ bootleg chamber she was building is a red herring. It’s gonna turn out she couldn’t make it work.

“Wait, you’re saying this Project exists in the future? That NBC renewed the show?” “It’s a shot in the dark, but...”

Press X to Jason 2.0

“Huh, baseball hat... ...do I still have a family?”

[Interruption because of football pool shit]

So, calling it now: By saving Jason, Ben also saves their marriage.

“We got this photo from the Imaging Chamber, totally not a publicity photo.”

Also, I’m pretty sure Ernie Hudson is legitimately disgusted with the Leaper X name and this wasn’t in the script.

We have now reached the point where we are using toys to explain how the show works, I love this.

“I don’t want to scare you, but basically everyone’s alive.”

“Look, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if I have to scan everyone’s face, it will take a long fucking ti- and it’s already done.”

They fucking bullied Ernie Hudson into saying Leaper X.

Ian, Ziggy didn’t “say” shit, Ziggy has yet to fucking talk.

So, the cause of the conflict was the invention of the telephone. Maybe the cowboys last week were right, and it shouldn’t have caught on.

Ben, you are confusing your not wife by yelling at your to-be wife, stop talking to ghosts.

“Someone is going to tell me what the Hell is going on. Today.” Sucker’s bet.

Plot twist: Ben’s watch isn’t correct.

“Look, I know we have to get our son before the earthquake kills him, but I know you think I made a mistake-” “Why am I remembering yelling at my mom?”

And the camera shook again.

That wasn’t sarcasm. That was legitimately Magic’s backup plan.

“Come in, sir?” “For... what?” “Look, I know something’s going on, and I am a properly paranoid man, I ain’t taking chances.”

Okay, I thought those Tabasco bottles were beer bottles for some reason.

Yeah, America sure is great, luckily nothing bad has been happening for the past several decades. 2022 is just great.[/s]

Also, calling it now: Bootstrap paradox. By going to talk to this guy, he becomes convinced to take part in Project X and leap to cowboy times.

Okay, here’s a suggestion: Go visit Janis. You already know she stole Project-sensitive materials.

“I’m gonna get you out! FUCK THIS WINDSHIELD!”

I choose to believe Ben knows what will happen with the car because of seeing Final Destination.

And the wife is dead.

Oh fuck, Ben yelled his mom into a heart attack, Ben killed his mom.

“Ben, punch her heart if you want her to live.” “(POW!)” “FUCK, OW!”

I love how, to an uninformed outsider, it looks like Ben attacked an unconscious woman, talked to ghosts, and then fled the scene.

[Really getting sick and tired of fucking football.]

“I CAN OUT RUN YOU, TRAUMATIC MEMORIES!”

“Ben, what’s going on?” “(still processing trauma and exhaustion) I’m fine!” “Bitch, you ain’t!”

...they got into a fight over an all-B report card. ... ...fucking Christ, Ben, I am so sorry...

Also, calling it now, this is setting up a future episode.

...what if that is the date Ben is shooting for? The day his mom died?

Okay, once again, putting this out there: Go to Janis. That might be your best bet.

“Wait, what if we caused all of this by investigating him-” “Ian, I already have a headache, drop it.”

Ah, so that’s why Jason died. Because some random asshole.

“OUT OF THE WAY, I’M BEN SONG!”

“He’s just sitting there in shock.” ...damn, what a fucking way to go. Sitting in your recliner as the roof caves in.

And there goes Benny!

“Uh, I’m Mr. Wheeler, I’m good, thanks, bye, don’t be dead.”

For some reason, I thought Ben was going to have another flashback, not... wake up...

Dude almost got crushed to death and blacked out for a few minutes, and he still fucking sprints out of a falling building, Ben Song is the GOAT.

That was the fucking shittiest reflection CGI, oh God...

“Sorry, I just missed this place.” “Well, it’s gone now...”

“Look, I know we almost died, but I FUCKING HATE MOM!”

That is a fucking ballsy ass decision, to use the elevator on the day of an earthquake...

Why are her eyes open so wide? Is she on morphine?

So, by saving their son, they saved all the buildings.

And now the cowboy is calling!

...or Ben is about to rack up a massive phone bill.

I love how Sam had to take three tries to call his dad, and even then that was because Al gave him his last name, while Ben got the phone number on the first try because of pleading, and he immediately leapt out before he could get through on the call.

“I think Ben was trying to leap into the future.” I still say he’s gunning for his mom.

“Old Ben was amazing. But New Ben hit different.”

I love how this how they passed the Bechdel Test.

And Ben leapt into The Exorcist. I fucking can’t wait for next week.

669. Flip it... FLIP IT...

IT FLIPPED, FUCK YEAH, IT’S OFFICIALLY A HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!

Final thoughts: This week was fucking wild, but next week is where it’s at.

[phantom-le6]

Ramble of the month May 2024: 90’s MCU phase 6 – an alternate iteration for Infinity War and more accurate Phoenix Saga

While I was originally considering other subjects going forward on my monthly rambles, another messed-up internet meme showing how little people understand doing an alternate film continuity has led me to carry on with my 90’s-based MCU.  For this reason, I’m going to be a little more detailed in recapping what doing alternative film continuities should look like before we dive into the latest ideas on the latest phase.  The basic premise, most of us know; we’re basically asking if this range of films was made at an earlier time, what actors would we have seen in the roles of those films.  However, what internet meme lords and ladies are forgetting is that the films of MCU are influenced by source material and real-world events that in past eras did not exist.

What am I on about?  Well, let’s consider characters first.  The Guardians of the Galaxy as we know them from the MCU are based on a relatively modern interpretation of the characters that began around 2007-2008, Bucky Barnes becoming the Winter Soldier was an invention of early 2000’s comics, and a Black Nick Fury wasn’t done in the main run of Marvel comics, only in the Ultimates continuity that began at the turn of the century.  In turn, while Ultimates Hawkeye was married with children, main comics Hawkeye was married without children, and to fellow costumed hero Mockingbird.  As such, if you go back to the 1990’s or 1980’s, a lot of characters we know from the MCU films would not be included or would be changed a lot to fit what the source material supported at those time.

In addition, Marvel didn’t sell the film rights to their characters to other studios to avoid bankruptcy until 1995, so any MCU started early enough in the 1990’s would include the likes of the Fantastic Four and the X-Men alongside the Avengers, Spider-Man and so on.  This, together with certain story arcs not coming into comics until set times (e.g. Civil War being a 2006 story arc), means you’re not looking at the same MCU in a past era, but a whole new MCU.  That means you don’t just transpose actors of the past into the roles of the MCU we know; you also have to come up with a new continuity with its own films, hence why my 90’s MCU looks very different to most others.

Now that we’ve re-established what an alternate MCU should involve, let’s re-cap the previous phases accordingly.

Phase 1:

1992: Fantastic Four, Hulk, Iron Man

1993: Thor, Spider-Man, Ant-Man & The Wasp

1994: Captain America, Fantastic Four 2, Iron Man 2

1995: X-Men, Avengers, Daredevil

Phase 1 established the initial characters of our MCU, putting the Fantastic Four first and foremost to bring them in line with their comic-book counterparts before beginning to develop the Avengers, the X-Men, Spider-Man and Daredevil.

Phase 2:

1996: Spider-Man 2, Thor: Land of Enchantment, Silver Surfer

1997: Hulk vs Wolverine, Fantastic Four: Doomsday, Iron Man 3

1998: Captain America: Society of Serpents, Daredevil 2, X-Men 2

1999: Avenger 2, Spider-Man 3, Doctor Strange

Phase 2 provides expansion as not only do most heroes get solo and ensemble sequels, but other characters start to take on films of their own.  The Silver Surfer is spun off from his appearance in Fantastic Four 2 into a solo film while Doctor Strange is introduced, and we also see the first examples of the “third film loss” trope, including Stark’s loss of his business and Iron Man persona through alcoholism, Doctor Doom destroying the Baxter Building while Ben Grimm loses a chance to be human, and Peter Parker loses Gwen Stacy.

Phase 3:

2000: Fantastic Four: World War III, Thor: Ragnarök, Daredevil 3

2001: Hulk: Rise of the Leader, X-Men: Fall of the Mutants, Avengers: Under Siege

2002: Doctor Strange 2, The Captain, Spider-Man 4

2003: Captain Britain, Fantastic Four: Enter the Negative Zone, Ghost Rider

Phase 3 further put our heroes on the back foot with yet more loss, most notably assaults on the X-Mansion and Avengers Mansion, but we also see more expansion; Namor, the Black Panther and the Inhumans all get introduced via the Fantastic Four, who then go on to become a family via the birth of Franklin Richards, and both Captain Britain and Ghost Rider get added to the mix.

Phase 4:

2004: Black Panther, Captain Marvel, Secret Wars: Part I

2005: Excalibur, Defenders, Ghost Rider 2

2006: X-Factor, Secret Wars: Part II, Heroes For Hire

2007: Namor the Submariner, Doctor Strange 3, Iron Man: Enter The Mandarin

Phase 4 took us through Secret Wars, and along the way gave us a lot more characters.  Black Panther and the original, pre-Carol Danvers iteration of Captain Marvel get solo films, former X-Men become parts of spin-off teams, and we see the formation of the Defenders and a one-shot of the Heroes For Hire, not to mention a Namor solo film and the return of Tony Stark.

Phase 5:

2008: Spider-Man 5, Fantastic Four: Unthinkable, Ms Marvel

2009: Elektra, Black Panther 2, Defenders 2

2010: X-Men: Proteus, Spider-Man 6, Ant-Man 2

2011: Silver Surfer 2, Avengers vs X-Men, Ghost Rider 3

Phase 5 gave us the Black Suit saga for Spider-Man as an aftermath of Secret Wars over the web-slinger’s fifth and sixth solo films, while the Fantastic Four’s sixth film would also be their last as we began the Infinity Saga.  In turn, Carol Danvers and a resurrected Elektra gained solo films, with the former precipitating an Avengers vs X-Men clash.  This then brings us to phase 6, which pans out as follows;

Phase 6:

2012: Guardians of the Galaxy, Black Panther 3, Iron Man: The Dragon Seed Saga

2013: X-Men: Phoenix Rising, Defenders 3, Ant-Man 3

2014: X-Men: Dark Phoenix Saga, Infinity War, Blade

2015: Inhumans, Infinity War II, Deadpool

So, this is how part 2 of our Infinity Saga lines up, but what does it mean?  Well, let’s look at the films in detail and find out…

Guardians of the Galaxy (2012) Directed by James Gunn

Peter Quill/Star-Lord = Chris Pratt

Gamora = Zoe Saldana

Drax the Destroyer = Dean Cain

Adam Warlock = Chris Pine

Groot = Vin Diesel

Rocket = Bradley Cooper

Super-Skrull = Luke Evans

Nova Prime Irani Rael = Rene Russo

Nova Centurion Richard Ryder = Edward Norton

Denarian Garthan Saal = Peter Serafinowicz

Corpsman Jesse Alexander = Mark Ruffalo

Corpsman Malik Tarcel = Jake Gyllenhaal

Corpsman Minn-Erva = Lucy Lui

Yondu = Michael Rooker

Pip the Troll = Peter Dinklage

Nebula = Emma Stone

Thanos = Josh Brolin

As a rule, I think James Gunn started out well with his iteration of Guardians of the Galaxy in the real MCU, so my alternate MCU keeps him at the helm and puts a lot of his choices for certain roles into the mix again.  However, not all castings or plot elements remain the same.  For starters, it’s the time stone that’s at the centre of this plot, while Adam Warlock possesses the Soul Stone following on from his introduction in Silver Surfer 2.  In turn, Drax is back to being an android with the mind of a human, as it would be my intent to see him reunited with the daughter of that human in later films, and again this character is established back in Silver Surfer 2.

In addition, Super-Skrull is Thanos’ ally in this film rather than Ronan, and secretly plots to try and use the time stone to alter history to ensure the victory of the Skrull empire over the Kree.  The Nova Corps is expanded to give the original human member of the Corps, Richard Ryder, a role as a major Guardians ally, and Peter Dinklage is added to be Pip the Troll, while Emma Stone takes over from Karen Gillan as Nebula.  The biggest change of the film will be totally avoiding any autism-like aspects in Drax, as I’ve no desire to see people like me misrepresented in film, either intentionally or by accident.

Black Panther 3 (2012) Directed by Tim Story

T'Challa/Black Panther = Chadwick Boseman

Shuri = Tatyana Ali

Ramonda = Alfre Woodard

T'Chaka = Courtney B. Vance

W'Kabi = Chiwetel Ejiofor

Okoye = Nia Long

Zuri = Joseph Marcell

Erik Killmonger = Anthony Mackie

Horatio Walters = Ryan Hurst

Reverend Achebe = Mahershala Ali

M'Baku = Idris Elba

Nakia/Malice = Lupita Nyong'o

Monica Rambeau = Zoe Kravitz

Everett Ross = Martin Freeman

While the first Black Panther film dealt with T’Challa avenging his father’s death by Klaue, and the second was a team-up with Ka-Zar and Shanna the She-Devil against the Mandrill and Nakia, the third deals with T’Challa being overthrown by Killmonger and Nakia, who in a more comics-accurate turn is teamed up with Killmonger rather than being on the side of T’Challa and company.  Indeed, T’Challa’s main allies in this film are his sister Shuri, Monica Rambeau (pre-powers) and CIA agent Everett Ross, who has been present throughout the full Black Panther trilogy.

Having given the directorial reigns to Tim Story on Black Panther and Tim Burton on BP2, I’ve gone back to Story on film 3.  Much of the cast is retained from past films, with Killmonger, Achebe, Walters and Rambeau being the new characters in the mix.  The main point of this film, beyond feeding into the third film loss trope of the real MCU, is to see Wakanda weakened ahead of the events of Infinity War.

Iron Man: The Dragon Seed Saga (2012) Directed by Jon Favreau

Tony Stark/Iron Man = Tom Selleck

James Rhodes/War Machine = Samuel L. Jackson

Bethany Cabe = Julia Roberts

The Mandarin/Xin Xhang = Chow Yun-Fat

Chen Hsu/Fin Fang Foom = Russell Wong

Dr Su Yin = Rosalind Chao

Dragon Lords of Kakaranathara = Eddie Redmayne, Timothy Dalton, Marina Sirtis & Chiwetel Ejiofor

Mrs Arbogast = Kathleen Turner

Abe Zimmer = John Billingsley

Felix Alvarez = Adam Rodriguez

Vic Martinelli = Matt LeBlanc

The one thing that has always annoyed me about the real MCU is that it totally mishandled the Mandarin, who is Iron Man’s equivalent to Red Skull for Captain America, Loki for Thor and so on.  This was Iron Man’s arch foe, who played a major role in his origins in the comics, and the films dishonour him first by making him a bad fake-out in IM3, then messing up his rings when using him as Shang-Chi’s father later on.  Closing out phase 4 with a Mandarin-oriented Iron Man film that also brought back Tony was step one in my MCU correcting this, showing the Mandarin as the Imperialist, monarchist would-be world-ruler I’ve always known him as from the Iron Man animated show of the 1990’s.  Step two is adapting the Dragon Seed Saga from the comics.

In the comics, this story revealed the Mandarin’s rings were some kind of power source for aliens whose natural forms resembled ancient Chinese dragons, and Tony and Rhodey having to tag-team them while Tony was over in China seeking treatment for a deteriorating nervous system.  This time, the focus for Tony is more on reversing the damage he’s suffered from succumbing to his alcoholism, and the aliens will be guiding the Mandarin to the space stone as part of the on-going Infinity Saga.  For new cast, we’re mainly looking at the addition of the Chinese doctor that will be a potential new love interest to Tony in the film, plus the Dragon Lords and their leader, Fin Fang Foom.  I’ve gone for quite a mix of actors on these roles, and the rest come from past films.

Directorially, I started Iron Man off in the hands of Steven Spielberg on his first two films, then gave Sam Raimi the reins on Iron Man 3.  Enter The Mandarin put Jon Favreau in charge as he was for Iron Man 1 and 2 in the real MCU, and based on Favreau doing so well directing those real MCU Iron Man films, I would have him back in charge for this film.

X-Men: Phoenix Rising (2013) Directed by Jonathan Frakes & LeVar Burton

Professor Charles Xavier = Patrick Stewart

Cyclops/Scott Summers = Patrick Swayze

Jean Grey = Milla Jovovich

Storm/Ororo Monroe = Halle Berry

Wolverine/Logan = Tom Cruise

Peter Rasputin/Colossus = Henry Cavill

Remi LeBeau/Gambit = Zachary Levi

Rogue = Anna Paquin

Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler = Daniel Brühl

Kitty Pryde/Shadowcat = Selma Blair

Banshee/Sean Cassidy = Liam Neeson

Dr Moira Mactaggert = Olivia Williams

Princess/Empress Lilandra = Winona Ryder

Emperor D'Ken = Tom Cavanagh

Gladiator = Luke Hemsworth

Erik the Red = Tom Hiddleston

Oracle = Pom Klementieff

Smasher = Randy Orton

Fang = Matthew Lawrence

Warstar = Peter Cullen/Dwayne Johnson

Starbolt = Richard Armitage

Corsair/Christopher Summers = Mike Farrell

Hepzibah = Kirsty Swanson

Ch'od = Dave Bautista

Raza = Dominic Keating

Jason Wyngarde (Hellfire Club illusion) = Kenneth Branagh

Mastermind = Keanu Reeves

While Patrick Swayze died in 2009 in real life, I didn’t quite realise this and cast him earlier in this alternate MCU believing he’d died later.  However, since this is all hypothetical, we can either assume that Swayze didn’t die until a later time, or that as in the case of General Ross in the real MCU, a suitable actor could take over the role in question.  With that out of the way, let’s consider the first part of the first back-to-back film duology within this phase of the MCU.  It’s meant to be a more comics-accurate adaptation of the Phoenix Saga than we got in the Fox X-Verse, or in any animated adaptations since the 90’s animated series.  In this case, the X-Men encounter the Shi’ar in a more first contact-like situation, and Jean inadvertently bonds with the Phoenix entity rather than it’s intended host, namely Oracle, the telepathic member of the Shi’ar Imperial Guard who defects alongside Lilandra in order to protect the dreaded M’Kraan Crystal from Lilandra’s evil brother D’Ken.

The film also includes the Starjammers, giving us a chance to see Cyclops’ origins as a supposed orphan and his father come to the fore, and for this film, I’ve chosen M*A*S*H alumni Mike Farrell for the role.  A lot of other roles consist of many well-known actors joining the established X-Men of this MCU, including Ken Branagh doubling with Keanu Reeves to bring both faces of the mutant illusionist Mastermind to life.  The idea in this film is that some months after the bulk of the film occurs, a more powerful Mastermind encounters a Jean Grey frustrated at the Phoenix entity not leaving her, and uses his powers to seduce her, setting up for the events of the second half of the duology.

In terms of directing, the X-Men in this MCU have gone from Jonathan Demme in their opening film to Jonathan Frakes for two films, to Levar Burton for a fourth film following spin-off films helmed by Burton and by Christopher Nolan, then we’ve had a Frakes-helmed Avengers vs X-Men film.  As such, I thought it would be good to see Frakes and Burton co-direct this duology.

Defenders 3 (2013) Directed by Rob Marshall

Dr Stephen Strange = Johnny Depp

Namor McKenzie/The Submariner = Christian Bale

Silver Surfer = David Wenham

Valkyrie = Diane Kruger

Kyle Richmond/Nighthawk = Josh Duhamel

Patsy Walker/Hellcat = Mena Suvari

Dr Tania Belinsky (Belinskaya)/Red Guardian = Beatrice Rosen

Warren Worthington III/Archangel = Neil Patrick Harris

Beast/Hank McCoy = Alec Baldwin

Robert Drake/Iceman = Michael Weatherley

Mentor = Michael McKean

Eros/Starfox = Joel McHale

Heather Douglas/Moonstone = Anna Popplewell

Isaac Christians/Gargoyle = Robert De Niro

Manslaughter = Noel Fisher

Interloper = Kevin Conroy

Lunatik/Arisen Tyrk = Cillian Murphy

Seraph/Sonya Tolksy = Adrianne Palicki

Harridan/Svetlana Porfiry = Sinéad Cusack

For the third of our Defenders films, we see a changing of the guard as many members of the team leave for varying reasons and former X-Men alumni Beast, Iceman and Archangel form a new team from the ashes of the old one.  Their main mission for this film is to protect the Reality Stone, but when new team member Moondragon begins acting strangely, the so-called New Defenders may end up being the last Defenders.  This film is basically meant to conclude the trilogy for the classic Defenders line-ups from 70’s/80’s comics lore while also continuing the journey of the reality stone and setting up for where other characters need to be for later MCU instalments.  Rob Marshall, who directed the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean film among others, takes the helm on this one.

Ant-Man 3 (2013) Directed by Peyton Reed

Hank Pym/Ant-Man = Michael Douglas

Scott Lang/Ant-Man II = Paul Rudd

Nadia Pym/Wasp II = Shailene Woodley

Maggie Lang = Judy Greer

Cassie Lang = Joey King

Jacinda Rodriguez/Tarantula = America Ferrera

Janice Lincoln/Beetle = Naya Rivera

Rita DeMara/Yellowjacket II = Elisabeth Moss

Petra Laskov/Swarm = Danielle Fishel

The Ant-Man franchise of this MCU has been quite different to its real MCU counter-part.  Having started in the 1990’s, we’ve been able to do the first film with a focus on Hank and Janet as the original Ant-Man and Wasp, then see their rise as heroes and Hank’s fall in the Avengers film franchise.  Ant-Man 2 then sees Hank redeeming himself a little by acting as mentor to Scott Lang, and film 3 very much becomes a different animal again.  In this instance, we see Scott trying to get back some Pym-tech that’s fallen into the hands of a group of female thieves.  When Scott himself is captured by the gang, it falls to Hank’s long-lost daughter of his first marriage to step up as the new Wasp.  Real MCU Ant-Man director Peyton Reed runs this film as he does Ant-Man 2 of our alternate MCU (the first Ant-Man film is directed by Sam Raimi in this alternate continuity).

X-Men: Dark Phoenix Saga (2014) Directed by Jonathan Frakes & LeVar Burton

Professor Charles Xavier = Patrick Stewart

Cyclops/Scott Summers = Patrick Swayze

Jean Grey = Milla Jovovich

Storm/Ororo Monroe = Halle Berry

Wolverine/Logan = Tom Cruise

Peter Rasputin/Colossus = Henry Cavill

Rogue = Anna Paquin

Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler = Daniel Brühl

Warren Worthington III/Archangel = Neil Patrick Harris

Beast/Hank McCoy = Alec Baldwin

Dr Moira Mactaggert = Olivia Williams

Princess/Empress Lilandra = Winona Ryder

Gladiator = Luke Hemsworth

Oracle = Pom Klementieff

Smasher = Randy Orton

Fang = Matthew Lawrence

Warstar = Peter Cullen/Dwayne Johnson

Starbolt = Richard Armitage

Hussar = Gina Carrano

Earthquake = Lee Pace

Manta = Olga Kurylenko

Araki = Mark Hamill

Jason Wyngarde (Hellfire Club illusion) = Kenneth Branagh

Mastermind = Keanu Reeves

Sebastian Shaw = Patrick Warburton

Emma Frost = Elizabeth Banks

Donald Pierce = Armie Hammer

Harry Leland = John Goodman

Tessa/Sage = Sasha Alexander

The second half of the X-Men duology in this phase is, of course, the Dark Phoenix Saga side of the Phoenix arc.  In this case, the ending of the first film puts us in a position to open on the X-Men’s infiltration of the Hellfire Club to try and save Jean, who at this point believes she is one of them.  This ultimately leads to her transformation into Dark Phoenix, which precipitates events that, together with initial X-Men efforts to restore Jean, brings us to a comics-accurate third act; the X-Men battling the Shi’ar to save Jean from execution for the Phoenix’s actions.  However, that’s not to say this is just a like-for-like copy of the comics with a few X-Men changed around.  Rest assured that some details, including the nature of Emma Frost’s allegiance to the Hellfire Club and the fate of Cyclops, will be quite different.  Direction, as noted previously, is in the hands of Trek alumni Jonathan Frakes and LeVar Burton.

Infinity War (2014) Directed by The Russo Brothers

Thanos = Josh Brolin

Ebony Maw = Tom Vaughan-Lawlor

Cull Obsidian = Terry Notary

Corvus Glaive = James Michael Shaw

Proxima Midnight = Carrie Coon

Supergiant = Jennifer Lawrence

Steve Rogers/Captain America = Brad Pitt

Thor = Dolph Lundgren

Iron Man/Tony Stark = Tom Selleck

Jennifer Walters/She-Hulk = Lucy Lawless

T'Challa/Black Panther* = Chadwick Boseman

Sam Wilson/Falcon* = Will Smith

Peter Parker/Spider-Man* = Wil Weaton

Clint Barton/Hawkeye* = Kevin Costner

Vision* = Casper Van Dien

Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff* = Kate Beckinsale

Reed Richards/Mr Fantastic = Tom Hanks

Susan Storm (Richards)/Invisible Woman* = Meg Ryan

Johnny Storm/Human Torch* = David Spade

Storm/Ororo Monroe = Halle Berry

Wolverine/Logan = Tom Cruise

Peter Rasputin/Colossus = Henry Cavill

Remi LeBeau/Gambit = Zachary Levi

Rogue* = Anna Paquin

Dr Stephen Strange = Johnny Depp

Namor McKenzie/The Submariner* = Christian Bale

Silver Surfer* = David Wenham

Valkyrie = Diane Kruger

Kyle Richmond/Nighthawk* = Josh Duhamel

Patsy Walker/Hellcat* = Mena Suvari

Peter Quill/Star-Lord* = Chris Pratt

Gamora = Zoe Saldana

Drax the Destroyer* = Dean Cain

Adam Warlock = Chris Pine

Groot* = Vin Diesel

Rocket = Bradley Cooper

Eros/Starfox = Joel McHale

No sooner does the Dark Phoenix saga end then the Infinity Wars begin.  The first such war sees Thanos begin his campaign to collect the Infinity Stones; having intercepted the Power Stone en route to the Nova Corps, Thanos hits the Corps’ headquarters for the mind and time stones.  The Silver Surfer, however, is able to grab one of the stones and flies to Earth.  The film is then very much a matter of Earth’s heroes, with some assistance from the Surfer and the Guardians of the Galaxy, trying to keep the stones from Thanos.  Of course, as per the real MCU, Thanos is initially successful, leaving a need to resolve the events of this film via a sequel.  The Russo brothers retain direction of this version of events from their role directing Infinity War and Endgame in the real MCU.  I also added Supergiant back into Thanos’ elite for this film, and those roles marked with asterisks are those who end up as victims of the “snap”.

Blade (2014) Directed by Sam Raimi

Eric Brooks/Blade = Jamie Foxx

Rachel Van Helsing = Cote De Pablo

Jamal Afari = Ernie Hudson

Quincy Harker = Jack Davenport

Frank Drake = Shawn Ashmore

Taj Nital = Jay Chandrasekhar

Deacon Frost = Zachary Quinto

Tara Brooks = Angela Bassett

Quinn = Michael Fassbender

It’s horror director Sam Raimi at the helm as we get into the first of two films plugging the gap between our two Infinity Wars.  In this case, we’re bringing Blade into our MCU; not to feed into the events of the Infinity Saga, but to set up how those events impact efforts to keep the undead at bay (remember, Thanos’ snap was about dealing with life, not un-life).  In this film, we focus on Blade as the leader of a group of vampire hunters hunting down Deacon Frost.  Along the way, some of Blade’s part are turned, and the events of Infinity War impact on the film’s climax.  As the first original film of this phase, all casting is brand new.

Inhumans (2015) Directed by Joss Whedon

Black Bolt = Pierce Brosnan

Medusa = Elizabeth Hurley

Crystal = Dina Meyer

Gorgon = J.G. Hertzler

Karnak = Alexander Siddig

Triton = Orlando Bloom

Maximus = Willem Dafoe

Kamala Khan/Ms Marvel = Odeya Rush

Emily Guerrero/Synapse = Becky G

Dante Pertuz/Inferno = Diego Boneta

Daisy Johnson/Quake = Willa Holland

Lash = Benedict Cumberbatch

Stallior = Ben Barnes

Hollow = David Ramsey

Nightfall = Diane Guerrero

Sheath = Kristen Stewart

In this MCU, the Inhumans were introduced via Fantastic Four: World War III in 2000, then returned to play a key role in Fantastic Four: Unthinkable in 2008.  This film focuses on the Inhumans for the first time as a central group.  In this film, a small town in the United States is exposed to Terrigen Mists, revealing Inhumans to the wider world when some of the town’s inhabitants undergo Terrigenesis and become Inhumans themselves.  As the Inhuman royal family attempts to deal with the matter, Maximus engineers an escape and a plan to reveal and control any other Inhumans hidden among humanity.

Director-wise, I put Joss Whedon on this film based on his work in the real MCU.  While the Inhuman royal family was cast some years ago, the rest of the cast are new additions.  Due to the change in when Kamala Khan would appear in the MCU, that’s necessitated some casting shifts, and while it is true my choice of actress is Israeli rather than Muslim, I stand by this choice for one simple reason.  Any conflict between any religions is fundamentally stupid because any higher beings that see you behave like that aren’t going to be pleased, any more than a parent is pleased to see their children fight with each other.  It’s petty, it’s juvenile, and it causes more problems than it solves.  Moreover, arguing over land or religion is just as meaningless as arguing over a favourite toy or who gets the top bunk.  Grow up and learn to tolerate each other, would everyone please?  Getting an Israeli actress to play a Muslim character would be a big step in that direction, just to help with a bit of “walking a mile in someone else’s shoes”.

Infinity War II (2015) Directed by The Russo Brothers

Thanos = Josh Brolin

Ebony Maw = Tom Vaughan-Lawlor

Cull Obsidian = Terry Notary

Corvus Glaive = James Michael Shaw

Proxima Midnight = Carrie Coon

Supergiant = Jennifer Lawrence

Steve Rogers/Captain America = Brad Pitt

Thor = Dolph Lundgren

Iron Man/Tony Stark = Tom Selleck

Jennifer Walters/She-Hulk = Lucy Lawless

Reed Richards/Mr Fantastic = Tom Hanks

Storm/Ororo Monroe = Halle Berry

Wolverine/Logan = Tom Cruise

Peter Rasputin/Colossus = Henry Cavill

Remi LeBeau/Gambit = Zachary Levi

Dr Stephen Strange = Johnny Depp

Valkyrie = Diane Kruger

Gamora = Zoe Saldana

Adam Warlock = Chris Pine

Rocket = Bradley Cooper

Eros/Starfox = Joel McHale

Heinrich Zemo = Til Schweiger

Dr Karla Sofen/Moonstone = Peta Wilson

Henry Peter Gyrich = David Caruso

Jacques Duquesne/Swordsman = Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Mantis = Midu

Simon Williams/Wonder Man = Taylor Kitsch

Melissa Gold/Songbird = Carrie Underwood

Crystal = Dina Meyer

Karnak = Alexander Siddig

Triton = Orlando Bloom

Scott Lang/Ant-Man II = Paul Rudd

Nadia Pym/Wasp II = Shailene Woodley

T'Challa/Black Panther* = Chadwick Boseman

Sam Wilson/Falcon* = Will Smith

Peter Parker/Spider-Man* = Wil Weaton

Clint Barton/Hawkeye* = Kevin Costner

Vision* = Casper Van Dien

Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff* = Kate Beckinsale

Susan Storm (Richards)/Invisible Woman* = Meg Ryan

Johnny Storm/Human Torch* = David Spade

Rogue* = Anna Paquin

Namor McKenzie/The Submariner* = Christian Bale

Silver Surfer* = David Wenham

Kyle Richmond/Nighthawk* = Josh Duhamel

Patsy Walker/Hellcat* = Mena Suvari

Peter Quill/Star-Lord* = Chris Pratt

Drax the Destroyer* = Dean Cain

Groot* = Vin Diesel

Black Bolt* = Pierce Brosnan

Medusa* = Elizabeth Hurley

Gorgon* = J.G. Hertzler

The second Infinity War film takes a very different tact to Endgame in the real MCU for two key reasons.  First, we’ve not developed this continuity to really support the time-heist concept option used in Endgame, to say nothing of the fact that I’m not too keen to go multiversal.  Second, different characters, different story-to-date, so different solution.  Fearing that the universe might need balancing again in time, Thanos has withdrawn to Titan and conquered it, turning the planet into a massive fortress.  The survivors of the snap make an initial attempt to reach Titan and battle Thanos for the stones, but are repulsed.

A year later, a team of black ops super-beings stumble upon a means by which a second attempt can be made by stealth.  The film then focuses on an effort to reclaim the Infinity Stones to undo Thanos’ snap via a stealth incursion onto Titan.  In effect, the idea is to combine elements of Endgame with more source material from Marvel’s original Infinity story arcs and the plot of DCAMU film Justice League Dark: Apokolips War.  However, the film’s climax remains much the same as Endgame in terms of the fate of a certain armoured Avenger.

Deadpool (2015) Directed by Tim Miller

Wade Wilson/Deadpool = Ryan Reynolds

Dr. Emrys Killebrew = Richard Riehle

Theresa Rourke-Cassidy/Siryn = Sarah Bolger

Banshee/Sean Cassidy = Liam Neeson

Weasel = TJ Miller

Blind Al = Stockard Channing

Francis Fanny/Ajax = Ed Skrein

"Black Tom" Cassidy = Ciarán Hinds

Angel Dust = Rhonda Roussey

After the events of the two Infinity Wars, not to mention the Phoenix Saga before it, our 90’s MCU needs something slightly lighter to close off phase 6.  To that end, it’s time the “merc with the mouth” made his debut in this MCU.  Of course, I’m not about to meddle with ideal casting, hence retaining Ryan Reynolds in the lead role.  By the same token, Deadpool director Tim Miller and actors TJ Miller and Ed Skrein are retained.  However, in other areas we’re shifting away from Fox’s efforts and going a bit closer to the comics, hence Deadpool teaming up with Siryn and Banshee, Blind Al being white instead of black, and the inclusions of Dr Killebrew and “Black Tom” Cassidy among the film’s villains.  Having already used Gina Carano as alien super-being fodder in the Phoenix Saga films, the role of Angel Dust goes to Rhonda Roussey since she’s another MMA fighter who has gone into acting, and she’s closer to the comics version of Angel Dust on hair colour alone.

With that, we come to the end of phase 6 is this alternate MCU, which has another three phases to go before it wraps.  For next month’s ramble, though, I’ll be concluding my alternate DCEU with a look at its phase 6, or more accurately phase 1 of its reboot.  Until then, ta-ta for now.

[criticalbennifer]

Jennifer Lopez Had A Major Beauty Revelation During Her First Year of Marriage 

By Margaux Annapurna

November 2, 2023

The week of her wedding anniversary, Jennifer Lopez and I sit down to talk lips. 

The timing feels fortuitous—Lopez is known her for frequent public displays of affection with her husband of a year, Ben Affleck—making the new J.Lo Beauty launch is a simple practicality in her life. Available today, Beso Balm is her “dream balm:” buttery, plumping, and glossy, with the scent of “flan de vainilla, which smells like I'm back in my mom's kitchen.” And yes, the name translates to “kiss,” of course, because Lopez says the results are “kissable, PDA-ready lips.”

Back to the singer, actress, and entrepreneur's PDA partner of choice, Affleck, who she was engaged to in the early 2000s and reconnected with again in 2021. While he hasn't totally reinvented his skincare routine since they reunited (“I do put That Jlo Glow Serum on him!”), he has helped change her mindset when it comes to beauty.  

“I'm finally at the point in my life where I love every part of myself unapologetically,” she says. “Every part of me, my body, my voice, my choices, even like my mistakes. All of it made me who I am and got me to where I am today. Ben wants me to understand my worth and know my value. I feel even more relaxed and comfortable, which makes me feel even more beautiful than I have ever felt with someone else.” 

On the topic of feeling beautiful, there are a few trends she's excited to try out for fall, incorporating the new balm. “I'm really into the ‘90s throwback liner and gloss,” she says, basically referencing beauty looks of her own from the era. “My modern twist is using a lip liner thats only slightly darker than my lip shade, instead of a dark brown. Line the lips, shade the corners to get some dimension, then top with the balm for a natural sexy look.”

When it comes to nails, there isn't a plan for her to debut Beso Balm nails—yet. “Wait, that's a good idea,” she says. “I might need to invent that.” 

[optimistredsox]

14 Sep, NYY @ BOS, 0-5, win, game one of doubleheader, 8-5, loss, game 2 of doubleheader

The Boston front office seems to have a very short term limit these days. In spite of some actual baseball happening on Thursday, the news was the departure of Chaim Bloom, long thought of as one of the best brains in baseball. He wasn't here for very long and it was a pretty tough stretch. I can't be alone in thinking that since Theo Epstein the leash on the team's operations directors (or whatever new title they invent to give the impression that it's not the same job getting changed over and over again) has become tighter and tighter. Ben Cherrington to Dave Dombrowski to Chaim Bloom. Cherrington and Dombrowski both had WS wins with the Sox and they still didn't last long. I am certain that I am not the only fan who sees this as a failing of ownership rather than a failing of the person brought in to enact their weird and nonsensical wishes. Honestly? I don't think John Henry and Tom Werner want to own the Red Sox anymore. But that's a chat and a comment more for the last game of the season than one that comes on the end of a series loss (but thankfully not sweep) to the Yankees in a bizarre case of rain out/doubleheader action. We won one (well, and with Tanner Houck going 6 and not ruining everyone's day) and lost the other. If there's anything I envy of my younger self (aside from knees that work, energy, and a functioning metabolism) it is the genuine interest in ballgames once the brass throws in the towel. It's tough now. I still have my own goals - winning the season series against the Yankees (I think we've done that?) and finishing over .500 (tbd) but I am not as excited as I once was. Still, there were bright sides in both games. Even the one we lost.

Tanner Houck (Roberto Clemente nominee even though he's an anti vaxer who wasn't able to go to Canada in 2021 because of his dipshittery if I remember correctly - and yes, I remember correctly) went 6 innings and gave up no runs. Not five innings and no runs, then a sixth and a million runs, but six. And none.

Ceddane Rafaela, built like a rake that found a really strong diet program, hit another dinger.

Trevor Story, who has not hit as much as expected this season, clobbered a three-run dinger in the 8th, which is one of my favourite innings to hit three-run dingers.

The bullpen locked it down, even though not-Coldplay Chris Martin gave ups a couple of hits in the ninth (Whitlock didn't give up shit in the 7th and 8th)

Wilyer Abreu, continuing his 'promising prospect' thing, went 3-for-4 with a RBI and a run scored.

We won that first game. That's cool.

In the second game we lost, but Raffy went 3-for-3 with a dinger.

Ceddane Rafaela went 2-for-five and scored both times he was on base.

Wilyer Abreu had a hit, a RBI, a run and a walk. he was 1-for-2. Which is, as I understand it, .500 for the day.

The Sox had six pitchers take the mound, and if you take out two of them, Bernadino and Schreiber, they only gave up 1 run. But they wouldn't have have nine innings so it wouldn't have counted. Ah well.

We're even again with the Yankees. They go away now, hopefully to lose to someone else whilst we win.

It's been a weird season.

[the-firebird69]

What's true is I'm terrible to him in for him and I know all sorts of stuff way more than you and you're not that bad or dangerous but right now I'm not very powerful at all my kids are my kids they're partially affected that's all I've got because of you've been Arnold and he's right I can see getting him social security nobody gives a s*** this is so f****** bad we have to go after you and you're ruining my life he says he's ruined it already I can see that. And for real you had no right to go after my people I was trying to survive by having normal kids it's not as bad as it looks it's not as bad as it sounds because doing that it's a long shot and I was forced to do it otherwise have nobody that was 100% dependable now they're 80% dependable and they have to manipulate them and it's tough they like it then I'm saying that I'm helping them and working with them and they're the only ones they'll hold me to it and find out that it's the way it is you're pretty rough for a while and it's going to work out hopefully but with you Ben Arnold you're a boo you don't want to do anything for him and you don't want to do the system and you don't want to do the job and you said it

Mac

What I said was I don't want to get him anything because of what he's saying and stuff and I sort of see you can't help it cuz I'm sitting there saying I'm not getting him anything what he says it's not a game for little boys if you have feelings and someone hurt you who gives a s*** you're going off the playground and you're going into a bus and you're going to the incinerator yourself. That's what I said and that's what I mean and he says and goodbye Ben Arnold if you don't play the game there's only one game you want me to be aware and stuff I'm going after you because I have to I'm aware okay you have stuff that I know about you're going to go down nobody faces down and absolute poor person as a massive wealthy a****** and the poor person have defenses and survived you're a f****** nutcase... I say this I can't help it so what you're a little boy go somewhere else you're not an adult you're not going to play the game you're not going to do your job that you have a signed yourself as your plan or is your plan to take a nice big s*** on me everyday and the mental hospital like Tommy f is now hoping to get an invention by sneaking up on me about sneakers I mean that's horse s*** you're f****** losers. Well I think it works well you would think it works wouldn't you and Mac doesn't have anybody in his dwindling so here's two people one guy who knows how it works those dwindling and won't make it it's not pulling up another guy who doesn't really know how it works if you don't really know how it works and I can't use that as a way to survive at all because you don't know how it works at all I mean what the f*** it was wrong with you what are you going to pay will and Bill peanuts hold them in the cell and expect stuff to come out right that's what it's like... I do hear something you're discounting them he says it doesn't matter if I'm just counting them you can get money there and I can blame you like I blame Tommy f who's not these people because he's the one who did it you stupid nincompoop. Well I didn't know that and what else am I going to come up again so you don't know Matt's been doing it for years he doesn't know this he doesn't know that he can't do the job and he wants to now turns out that you don't know a few things. Don't forget about it tomorrow cuz you're a little boy in other words I'm not going to unfire you from you firing you. It's going to get something you can't say that kind of stuff to you can't do this kind of thing and I'm doing it for years and I'm allowed some stuff there's too many people without me and I can't afford to have you at me so go screw you're on your own.

Ben Arnold

You said am I on my own years ago when you start craving into the mental hospital and saying that you're the balls and you're a winner and I want my own so what I've been on my own you haven't done your job almost ever what's your point you're not the whole government no you'll take losses you'll see family members die in front of you you'll see your fleet shrink to nothing because you want to be a hard-ass about what next 200 Grand a year I mean you're You're pitiful you don't deserve to be in charge you really don't that's so pitiful I'm writing a letter to mine and it's going like this this person will not cut me a check for $200,000 per year because he doesn't have enough power he says and wants me to support him and I'm not and he doesn't get it so I'm in jeopardy. There's a letter and that's going to be on doing and you don't believe it because you're obtuse and stupid and ignorant you can be a little baby boy and we're going to take advantage of you

Zues Hera

Now I'm starting to figure out something it's what I'm doing that is mattering and I think you can't see it or tell it's been able to see it the whole time it's been telling us I want to get something else we're going to be done here and it's our fault and that's what it is

Ben Arnold

That is what it is and we're going to take you down you've been saying it all day and all week you're f****** loser just like your friend here but he has hardly anyone and still does the math still tries to keep to it and you're trying to ruin it and some sort of idiot from Calcutta and you're not all that and your fleet is not all that and it's like you're a young boy fresh out of the suit and you're not it's really weird you are a complete a****** like he is no you're way worse and you ruined the tons of stuff and are blaming everybody and you think you're invincible you have all these complexes you say Billy z has and yeah he has them but you do too you're absurd your mouth is flapping right now and your mental and you're mentally ill beyond compare and your people are following you so they're going to lose

Thor Freya

I sort of get something given some money you stupid f*** and he's asking for it and he warns around he does nothing instead of doing things and you don't care because you have to take him on no one's taking them on successfully because you're not supposed to he just starts doing things and you can't tell what he's doing what's the problem with that I don't have a problem with that what it's like is he's not trying to instigate me so I drive off to a different town and do stuff that's the whole name of the game it's similar but you're a fruit

Bob marsh

So I'm sitting here and I'm not doing the math right that's my prerogative

Ben Arnold

Ohshit I see it now I can't believe it but he's a problem this guy is a brain abnormality but it's really what he's doing as well and mac daddy is not doing what he's doing and he has nothing I can't believe how crappy you are I've got him saddle bags and you're down on me all the time but some sort of asinine b**** like you did something to him and he did something back he doesn't even know about it and who cares you start s*** with him all the time you're a moron I'm taking it back you have to go

Son of Ben Arnold

I don't think so but I'm starting to get something my way is not doing anything it's a hard line and Mac had me do it he doesn't care at all

Ben Arnold

What we say is all sorts of CIA stuff like you're eating your nuts out of your nut sack and you don't even get it you're so obtuse and just difficult and rude and obscene like some drunken scene out a****** I'll tell you we have to do something about you we're going to ask them to hold off and he says no do something about him or you're going to get in the dirt and we get that

Son of Ben Arnold

We're doing stuff now and we're moving and they can't stand it and they're trying to stop it by being this asinine act and my daddy doesn't support them because they're doing the stupid s*** and he's in trouble he's got nowhere to go it's been it's been that way for a while like a thousand years but nobody's letting it happen well you know nobody can do the job here is the problem and then Arnold won't so he's fired we're going to send it out now and we get what you said

Thor Freya

Olympus

[bookoformon]

Alma Chapter 20. "The Missionaries: The Stations continue."

*No girls. Ever. Always never with the Mormon girls.

The Lord sends Ammon to Middoni to deliver his imprisoned brethren—Ammon and Lamoni meet Lamoni’s father, who is king over all the land—Ammon compels the old king to approve the release of his brethren. About 90 B.C. "the Righteous Ones" continues.

1 And it came to pass that when they had established a church in that land, that king Lamoni desired that Ammon should go with him to the land of Nephi, that he might show him unto his father.

2 And the voice of the Lord came to Ammon "the Revealer", saying: Thou shalt not go up to the land of Nephi, for behold, the king will seek thy life; but thou shalt go to the land of Middoni; for behold, thy brother Aaron, and also Muloki and Ammah are in prison.

Middoni= "the Missionary" one who hulls the seed

Aaron= "Who exalts God."

Muloki [from Molochi]= "is the King over his own wisdom."

Ammah=Creates a socially inclusive community

אמם

The unused verb אמם ('mm) probably meant to originate in a social sort of way. Noun אם ('em) means mother, but — as do the words אב ('ab), father, and בן (ben), son — primarily refers to a social function rather than a mere biological relation. Hence noun אמה ('amma) refers to a "mother" city or a "mother" land, and אמה ('umma) means tribe or people (and is obviously comparable to עם, 'am, meaning people in a socially inclusive way).

The noun אמה ('ama) describes a female servant, and female servants were of course as much "included" in the master's house as did some of the including themselves as in early Biblical times, surrogate motherhood was a common function of female servants (see our expanded article for a discussion of this). The common hypothetic particle אם ('im) means "if," and an if-statement essentially proposes inclusion.

3 Now it came to pass that when Ammon had heard this, he said unto Lamoni: Behold, my brother and brethren are in prison at Middoni, and I go that I may deliver them.

4 Now Lamoni "Teaches about the Holy Spirit" said unto Ammon: I know, in the strength of the Lord thou canst do all things. But behold, I will go with thee to the land of Middoni; for the king of the land of Middoni, whose name is Antiomno, is a friend unto me; therefore I go to the land of Middoni, that I may flatter the king of the land, and he will cast thy brethren out of prison. Now Lamoni said unto him: Who told thee that thy brethren were in prison?

Antiomno= "to submit to the Swearing."

ομνυμι

The verb ομνυμι (omnimu), also spelled ομνυω (omnuo), means to swear (an oath: ορκος, horkos, see below), and swearing is a peculiar thing. Swearing was invented when people discovered that language could be used for various degrees of seriousness, and even for blatant lying. Our verb ομνυμι (omnimu) stems from the Proto-Indo-European root "hemh-", which means either to swear or it means to passionately grab hold of and pull toward oneself (hence, possibly, the Latin derivative amare, from whence the familiar amor, love).

With swearing, one would marry oneself to one's statement, and so formally and solemnly vow to the fidelity of it. All that drama would not be necessary, of course, if one were widely known to never utter a falsehood, which is probably why Jesus urged to not swear and let one's yes be yes and one's no be no (MATTHEW 5:33-37, also see JAMES 5:12). Alternatively (as the fictional Mark Zuckerberg character submitted in The Social Network, 2010), if one would speak the truth only when accompanied by vows and oaths, one could just as easily succumb to lying under one's oaths. One is a liar always or never, but not sometimes (and that solves the ancient riddle of the liar who confessed to lying: such a man is like dry water and cannot exist; said otherwise, a liar who tells the truth is still a liar, and his truth exists only relative to his earlier lies, which makes even his truth a lie).

The crucial failure of humans swearing, however, comes not from their intent to lie but their inevitable incomplete knowledge and power. No human always possesses all relevant knowledge, and no human controls any situation wholly (or at all, actually). That means that not even a person's most grandiose swearings perfectly guarantee the validity of that person's reports of past events or fortellings of future ones. You never know what you don't know, and you never know what might happen next. Only God does, which is why only God can swear (LUKE 1:73, ACTS 2:30, 7:17, HEBREWS 3:11, 3:18, 4:3, 6:13, 7:21).

When God swears, he indicates that he won't change his mind, which he does, at times (Genesis 6:6, Exodus 32:14, Jeremiah 26:19, Amos 7:3). This difficult concept indicates that God, though omniscient, reacts to reality as it develops, and that quantum mechanics indeed is correct in stating that speed and position of a particle cannot be known simultaneously, not even by an omnipotent being, because these qualities do not exist as discrete entities, not even to God (who, per his own nature, doesn't bother with things that aren't real or true). When God swears, he indicates that what he swears about is governed by natural law, and natural law never changes or allows exceptions (MATTHEW 5:18).

5 And Ammon said unto him: No one hath told me, save it be God; and he said unto me—Go and deliver thy brethren, for they are in prison in the land of Middoni.

6 Now when Lamoni had heard this he caused that his servants should make ready his horses and his chariots.

=Mormon Missionaries are supposed to broker the peace. Stop being a bunch of punks.

7 And he said unto Ammon: Come, I will go with thee down to the land of Middoni, and there I will plead with the king that he will cast thy brethren out of prison.

8 And it came to pass that as Ammon and Lamoni were journeying thither, they met the father of Lamoni, who was king over all the land.

9 And behold, the father of Lamoni said unto him: Why did ye not come to the feast on that great day when I made a feast unto my sons, and unto my people?

10 And he also said: Whither art thou going with this Nephite, who is one of the children of a liar?

11 And it came to pass that Lamoni rehearsed unto him whither he was going, for he feared to offend him.

12 And he also told him all the cause of his tarrying in his own kingdom, that he did not go unto his father to the feast which he had prepared.

13 And now when Lamoni had rehearsed unto him all these things, behold, to his astonishment, his father was angry with him, and said: Lamoni, thou art going to deliver these Nephites, who are sons of a liar. Behold, he robbed our fathers; and now his children are also come amongst us that they may, by their cunning and their lyings, deceive us, that they again may rob us of our property.

14 Now the father of Lamoni commanded him that he should slay Ammon with the sword. And he also commanded him that he should not go to the land of Middoni, but that he should return with him to the land of Ishmael. "obedience".

15 But Lamoni said unto him: I will not slay Ammon, neither will I return to the land of Ishmael, but I go to the land of Middoni that I may release the brethren of Ammon, for I know that they are just men and holy prophets of the true God.

16 Now when his father had heard these words, he was angry with him, and he drew his sword that he might smite him to the earth.

17 But Ammon stood forth and said unto him: Behold, thou shalt not slay thy son; nevertheless, it were better that he should fall than thee, for behold, he has repented of his sins; but if thou shouldst fall at this time, in thine anger, thy soul could not be saved.

18 And again, it is expedient that thou shouldst forbear; for if thou shouldst slay thy son, he being an innocent man, his blood would cry from the ground to the Lord his God, for vengeance to come upon thee; and perhaps thou wouldst lose thy soul.

19 Now when Ammon had said these words unto him, he answered him, saying: I know that if I should slay my son, that I should shed innocent blood; for it is thou that hast sought to destroy him.

20 And he stretched forth his hand to slay Ammon. But Ammon withstood his blows, and also smote his arm that he could not use it.

21 Now when the king saw that Ammon could slay him, he began to plead with Ammon that he would spare his life.

22 But Ammon raised his sword, and said unto him: Behold, I will smite thee except thou wilt grant unto me that my brethren may be cast out of prison.

23 Now the king, fearing he should lose his life, said: If thou wilt spare me I will grant unto thee whatsoever thou wilt ask, even to half of the kingdom.

24 Now when Ammon saw that he had wrought upon the old king according to his desire, he said unto him: If thou wilt grant that my brethren may be cast out of prison, and also that Lamoni may retain his kingdom, and that ye be not displeased with him, but grant that he may do according to his own desires in whatsoever thing he thinketh, then will I spare thee; otherwise I will smite thee to the earth.

25 Now when Ammon had said these words, the king began to rejoice because of his life.

26 And when he saw that Ammon had no desire to destroy him, and when he also saw the great love he had for his son Lamoni, he was astonished exceedingly, and said: Because this is all that thou hast desired, that I would release thy brethren, and suffer that my son Lamoni should retain his kingdom, behold, I will grant unto you that my son may retain his kingdom from this time and forever; and I will govern him no more—

27 And I will also grant unto thee that thy brethren may be cast out of prison, and thou and thy brethren may come unto me, in my kingdom; for I shall greatly desire to see thee. For the king was greatly astonished at the words which he had spoken, and also at the words which had been spoken by his son Lamoni, therefore he was desirous to learn them.

28 And it came to pass that Ammon and Lamoni proceeded on their journey towards the land of Middoni. And Lamoni found favor in the eyes of the king of the land; therefore the brethren of Ammon were brought forth out of prison.

29 And when Ammon did meet them he was exceedingly sorrowful, for behold they were naked, and their skins were worn exceedingly because of being bound with strong cords. And they also had suffered hunger, thirst, and all kinds of afflictions; nevertheless they were patient in all their sufferings.

30 And, as it happened, it was their lot to have fallen into the hands of a more hardened and a more stiffnecked people; therefore they would not hearken unto their words, and they had cast them out, and had smitten them, and had driven them from house to house, and from place to place, even until they had arrived in the land of Middoni; and there they were taken and cast into prison, and bound with strong cords, and kept in prison for many days, and were delivered by Lamoni and Ammon.

The Strong Cords one must forbear along with starving and thirsting are the instructions found in one's household, schooling, temple and during all citizenship proceedings.

The journey to Middoni - missionary work-cannot begin until the perception of these cords are internalized and become restraints that are self-imposed by sane rational person.

Chief of this is support for diversity and inclusion in every environment he himself is included within. The passage above states "innocent blood shall not stain the earth". All murder begins in the mind with the belief life outside the mind is worth less somehow than the dictates of the Spirit of God inside the mind.

These dictates are placed there by the Missionaries of God who speak well and appropriately of the work He expects of us all. Once sworn in as antiomno "to exchange oneself for the truth" the Book of Mormon says a Missionary is to ensure customs associated with diversity and inclusion are being fostered all around him.

SO stop listening to weird people pray all day long, who only talk about bizarre thigns and translate the formulae found in the Stations for a nice life for everyone.

[inapat16]

All that Tunisian cinema has to offer

Tunisian cinema was a forerunner. It offered the world its originality thanks to the genius of its filmmakers (e.g. Nacer Khémir) and its contribution to cinematographic production (e.g. the JCC). Tunisian cinema was born in a particularly fertile soil, that of cinephilia and admiration for the great works of the 7th art worldwide, and it's thanks to him that I've opened up to this art. Also Film clubs and the JCC helped to shape both filmmakers and a demanding public, of which I think I am the product. 

From the outset, there was no question of aligning with the 'old' Arab cinema in existence (Egyptian commercial cinema), Tunisian cinema wanted to stand out from the melodramas and the musical films from which a few 'auteurs' were struggling to emerge. For the majority of Tunisian filmmakers, it was more a question of succeeding, each according to his or her own style, with original “expression” films (political, social, cultural, etc.) bearing the stamp of their director and aiming for the artistic quality already achieved at a world level.

This freedom of choice has been helped by the fact that Tunisia also doesn’t have film censorship (different from television censorship) which is undoubtedly one of the most flexible in the Arab world: scenes that are banned in other Arab countries like the celebration of female nudity (Halfaouine (1990)), homosexuality (L’Homme de cendre (1986)), political repression (Sabot en Or (1988)), sex tourism (Bezness (1992)), women's right to sexual fulfilment (Fatma (2001), Satin rouge (2002)) were finally accepted by Tunisian censors as long as they were expressed by artists and were necessary to the coherence of their work.

The miracle started with L'Homme de cendres (1986), unlike most countries of the South where arthouse films remain confined to the ghettos of arthouse cinemas or are exclusively destined for the 'prestige' of foreign festivals, Tunisian audiences gave national films an unprecedented triumph, (shattering by far all previous audience records for Hollywood or Egyptian films), even for "difficult" films such as Chich Khan (1991). Thus Tunisian cinema invented a new cinematographic category, that of "mass auteur films" ! Today, this type of cinema continues to shine, with films such as Enhebek, Ya Hedi (2016) and Ashkal (2022). These movies continue to delight a broad local audience while retaining their 'auteur' touch. Kaouther Ben Hania's next film, Les filles d'Ofla (2023), which was a hit at Cannes, also promises to be a mass success despite its offbeat subject and direction.

However, today, even if Tunisian cinema continues in its tradition to amaze, it is losing its stature because of politics and economic decisions. After the revolution, cinema was destabilised just like the rest of the country.

The Ministry of Culture now only funds three films a year and almost always turns its back on single-screen cinemas. Many of them are now turning to foreign institutional support, which is deplorable because it encourages neo-colonialism.

What's more, the cinema I always went to (Ciné Jamil) had to close its doors last year, despite having tried to obtain state subsidies. Meanwhile, a Pathé multiplex has opened in the country's two biggest cities. When I heard the news, my heart broke and the Tunisian cinema that had nurtured so many dreams is now in perdition.Today, a much more globalist, capitalist and neo-colonialist policy is taking hold, whereas for years Tunisia had managed to resist it.

In the meantime, all we can do is hope for an economic reorganisation and the awakening of a "young new wave" that will shake up the country's politics and ensure the success of tomorrow's Tunisian cinema.

Maya Labiadh

[covid2319]

Lost (Ben Solo X Reader) - Chapter One

(Copied from quotev)

A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first chapter of my new story. Thank you so much for choosing and please feel free to follow me and write a comment below. I will be updating regularly, I promise! :)

P.S. As a warning for mature content, here are the signs you'll spot on a chapter.

MMC - Mild Mature Content

MC - Mature Content

HMC - High Mature Content

This is more than likely to be an aged 15+ story. Definitely not suitable for people under 13 years. Just to warn you. Thank you for understanding.

Also, just to let you all know that as you probably know already, I do not own all of the characters in here nor any of the Star Wars inventions. I have only written this for fun. I do however own some of the characters and the inventions of this story too. Please do not use it unless I've given you consent. All rights reserved.

But anyway, thank you so much once again and just enjoy! :)

Y/N's Pov

You were lost. Only eight years old, in a spooky place. You didn't know where you were and why you were here. You were in terrible tears and this place was a place out of nowhere. Your parents had just left you there and that was your last memory.

Why would your parents leave you? Just why? In a dark planet all on your own?

Suddenly, a certain noise behind you made its way there. A tiny purple light appeared.

You looked up and noticed that your surroundings now had several lights around you. There, the thing that the purple light came from was a robot with a pink and white outer layer. They looked very much alike your friend R2-D2 except that she had pink instead of blue on her.

"Hello. My name is E3-F3. Are you lost? Can I help you?" It asked.

You nodded your head, still crying in fear.

"I was created by Darth Vader's ex-girlfriend, and I am also the girlfriend of R2-D2. I haven't seen him in years. Is he alright, Y/N?"

"Yes," you shivered with icy tearful eyes as your surroundings were so cold, "how do you know my name?"

You looked down, not daring to look up at her. How did she know your robot friend R2-D2? Your friend who you knew since three years old? And who was Darth Vader?

"I knew your parents. R2-D2 told me all about your parents. I don't understand, why they would abandon you like this?"

You always had this gift running in your family of the ability to speak to robots and understand their language. It was amazing and just like magic, as if you could make a new robot friend in just a minute.

"I don't understand either," you sobbed.

E3-F3 didn't seem to be telling the full truth to you. Your hunch told you that in no time. She sounded as though she was hiding something from you.

"But where exactly are we?" You asked incredibly curiously.

"We are on Purorone Planet," she answered, "the place where purple and orange land is contained."

"Okay. Can you... help me... please?" You spoke in a tiny, but high pleading voice.

"Of course I will. I am E3-F3, a robot and built to do right. But I also want to be good out of the goodness of my heart."

E3-F3 wasn't only kind, warm-hearted and caring, but also passionate, forgiving and sensitive about others because that was just her natural character. She would help you, no matter what. Her heart goes out to anyone.

"Thanks." You smiled slightly, and she came over to you, touching you a little as a way of showing affection.

"We'll take you over to Luke Skywalker, the Jedi Master. He'll gladly help you in no time. You want any food?" These were all words from that kind, loyal, loveable E3-F3.

She gave you some purple chocolate as you agreed to take some food. It tasted of violet and creams at first, but then it changed to lavender, until the third taste it was liquorice and blackcurrant jelly. You simply adored it.

"Alright, walk this way."

You observed your surroundings and everything that was once destructive darkness now became 'Bella-Swan' beauty. This place clearly was orange, but it was night time making it look quite like a volcanic area to an extent. But it was very beautiful. The stars' reflection hit Purorane's surface making it shine like ruby-orange jewellery. The sky also had a fiery red and yellow curvy light like the Northern Lights in random directions. There in the distance of the ruby-orange hills stood some sort of 'spaceship'.

You ran towards it as E3-F3 struggled to keep up with you, but she let you have your freedom to run, just as long as you would be safe and not trip or leave her sight and become lost again.

The 'spaceship' was no ordinary spaceship; it was gigantic and seemed to include several rooms. It's as though you could fit five mansions into it! The outside of it had some sort of 'roof' on top with a tiny purple chimney. It was also filled with windows and six colours in each section. Pink, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple. In the purple section, you spotted a boy with black hair about your age staring at you from outside. He seemed very curious about what was going on.

Then you spotted these huge white and pearl-coloured ladders as you heard E3-F3 moving behind you. You just couldn't wait to finally touch them. You were just too amazed and excited and happy at the situation that you were now almost glad that your parents had left you behind. You even began to wonder if this was the reason.

E3-F3 helped to walk you up as you were very little. Only an eight year old girl who was now abandoned by your loving parents.

You saw the golden door in front of you had now opened as E3-F3 pressed a button which played sweet music. Just like the classics as ancient days had gone by.

You walked into some very cosy but astonishing place. Everywhere was lit up by lights of all different colours. There were several paths to enter and you didn't know which one to pick, but your intuition told you to wait where you were.

Just then, a man who looked about in his late 30s or early 40s approached you. He smiled at you.

"Thank you E3 for bringing her here. Did her parents leave her on the outside of Purorane?"

"Yes, I found her and they left her for me to find her as they said they would," E3 replied.

So that's why your parents left you out there. But why did they want you to come here?

"Anyway, this is Y/N L/N, Master Luke. She's here for some amazing jedi training to help save her parents and the galaxy against the Sith Army. And especially after what Darth Vader did."

Darth Vader? Who's Darth Vader? These were your own thoughts but you didn't dare to ask as you were too scared. And to save your parents? From this Sith Army or what ever that was called?

"Alright E3, let's not go into that. We want Y/N to have a warm welcome here as this is where she'll be living until she's at least 18 years old," Luke answered.

You smiled in relief.

"Anyway Y/N, it's great to meet you. I knew your parents and they left you on the planet so that E3-F3 could come and pick you up. I am Luke Skywalker and I am going to be your Jedi Master. But first of all, I must ask, which path would you like to take? There is a choice between pink, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple. Please read the signs of what they represent and which path they'll lead you onto."

You looked around in excitement, but confusion too.

Ben's Pov

Ben was sitting in his room just reading a book. He was curious to know who this girl was and why she was there. He had heard of her through R2-D2 and was wondering if it really was her as he saw a photo of her that R2-D2 showed him.

Just then, he heard a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" He asked.

"Ben, can you come out please?" It was R2-D2 as whose voice he recognised immediately. Robotic and easy to understand.

Ben opened the door and saw R2-D2 standing next to this girl. He was disappointed that it wasn't the girl R2-D2 told him about but this girl just basically wanted to ask him something.

"Have you seen my blue pen anywhere? I've been trying to ask you this for ages and you never answered the door."

Ben moaned and said that he had never seen it. Which wasn't true but he lied for a secret reason.

He didn't like this girl. She was a bitch. She was none other than a girl who spreads gossip and useless trash about every single thing in this spaceship home. She also bullied him and talked behind his back because she thought he was weird and stupid. So he took revenge by sneaking into her room, which is in the blue section, and stealing one of her pens so he could use it to write up his private notebook. Although he was only ten years old, he was very smart, sneaky and clever at many things. He had a good sense of direction of his home place and could get anything right. The bully-girl's name was Lara Jackson.

"I swear I haven't got it, I can't find it anywhere." He repeated himself pretending to look for it. R2-D2 just knew that he wasn't telling the truth.

"Give it back now, Ben." R2-D2 was starting to get angry then just moved into his room and instinctively found it under his pillow.

"You crap-head for stealing my pen, Ben Solo-Wolo," Lara called rudely and stupidly at him, "I am gonna tell your mummy and everyone, including this new girl and she'll start hating you, na na na na na!"

Ben got so cross that he stomped out and smacked her in the face. R2-D2 was now furious at not just him, but Lara as well. They were now fighting and R2, himself had to get in the way to stop them both. He ended up getting hit by Lara.

Both, R2 and Lara began to walk away from Ben.

"Just warning you that more trouble will be coming up to you shortly, Benny-Lenny-Wenny." Lara squealed bitchily and cruelly.

Ben wanted revenge so much, but he just stomped into his room, and eventually he cried a bit as she was such a bully to him. He was the main one she picked on. Just why him?

A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoyed my first chapter. Some of this story also includes characters from my story 'the Jesith'. It's an Anakin Skywalker x Reader so feel free to check it out if you want. :)