#i am so immensely excited for this game you don't understand

[pheedraws]

THE CASTING OF FRANK STONE (2024)

[sunkissed-zegras]

𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐃𝐌𝐈𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈'𝐌 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐈𝐓 ─ PB⁵ ft. UCONN WBB MANAGER

౨ৎ ─ summary | this is taking place pre-relationship! paige apologizes for distancing herself after her injury. this can be read by itself but i would highly recommend reading my headcanons first so you have a bit of context!

─ word count | 1.1k

─ warnings | paige's injury, mention of tension/pettiness, the reader and p weren't on good terms for a while.

─ ev's notes |

⇨ missing out on updates? check out my wcbb masterlist! (updates once a week or so)

THE KNOCK ON your apartment door was sharp and slightly unexpected, your expression turning confused and slightly annoyed.

KK and Ice had left your apartment almost an hour ago, could they really be back already? You sighed before closing your laptop, getting up to open the door only to be met with the person she least expected to be there.

Paige, in all her glory ─ crutches and everything.

You couldn't really explain exactly what happened to prompt Paige to begin acting weird, but she was. She had been, for a while now and you didn't really know why. This was almost two months before her injury so you couldn't even use that as an excuse; she just was.

Despite her efforts to create distance, you couldn't help but worry about her. After all, you had grown close and you even considered her to be one of your best friends at some point, but right now you really didn't know what your relationship was. And of course when she got injured, you made it your mission to take care of her, offering support and comfort whenever she needed it.

But no matter how hard you tried, she always pushed you away. You didn't understand it, you didn't even know why ─ so eventually, you just gave up.

As Paige stood at your doorstep, a whirlwind of emotions seemed to flash across her face. You ushered her in quickly, noticing the slight grimace of pain as she maneuvered on her crutches.

Before you could even begin to speak, she began to talk. "Look, I'm sorry."

You stared back at her, taken aback by her sudden apology. This whole thing had been happening for three months, and even after the millionth time you tried fixing the issue, she continued to act distant with you. It was frustrating and disheartening, to say the least. You had racked your brain trying to understand what went wrong, what could've caused Paige to pull away, but you always came up empty-handed.

"I'm sorry for being a bitch, especially the other night," Paige's voice was devoid of any of the usual excitement she had, it didn't even sound like her.

You couldn't really blame her though, she had just suffered a potentially season-ending injury and the weight of it all seemed to be pressing down on her shoulders. Despite her usual extroverted energy, Paige appeared diminished, her usual spark dulled by the frustration.

You felt a pang of sympathy as you looked at her, realizing the immense toll her injury must be taking on her both physically and emotionally. It wasn't just about missing games or the possibility of a season-ending setback; it was about the loss of something she loved, something that defined her in many ways.

"No, it's okay. Don't even apologize, I get it," you said softly, your voice laced with empathy. "I shouldn't have pushed you, especially with your injury and all,"

"You were just trying to help, I really am sorry," Paige mumbled as she sighed. "I've been so caught up in my own anger that I haven't stopped to think about how it's affecting everyone else, especially you."

You frowned at her words, your heart aching for her. You had been there; the exact moment it happened and you almost couldn't believe it, all the pettiness from the previous months were thrown out the window as you ran to her side.

You moved closer to her, wanting to offer her some comfort. "Please, don't stress yourself out about it. I just wanted you to get better and... well, I just wanted my best friend back," you let out a nervous chuckle as you spoke.

Paige finally met your gaze, her eyes watery and red as she sniffled. She felt ashamed, she couldn't believe that she let anything get in the way of her relationship with you.

"P, it's okay," you said gently, reaching out to wipe away her tears. "I understand why you've been feeling the way you have. And I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here for you, through the good times and the bad."

Paige sniffled, leaning into your touch as if seeking comfort. "I'm really, really sorry, Y/N. I've been such a mess lately, I missed you."

You could practically feel the exhaustion radiating off of her as you sighed. Without any hesitation, holding her close as if trying to shield her from the weight of the world. Paige buried her face into your shoulder, her body trembling with pent-up emotion as she finally allowed herself to release the weight she had been carrying.

"You don't have to apologize, P," you whispered, your voice filled with warmth and reassurance. "I've missed you too, more than you'll ever know. But more than anything, I just want you to be okay."

Paige buried her face in your shoulder, her breath hitching as she let out a shaky sigh. "I'm trying, Y/N. I really am."

You held her tighter, offering her the comfort and support she so desperately needed. "I know you are, Paige. And I'm here for you every step of the way. We'll get through this together."

Paige nodded against your shoulder, her breaths coming out in ragged sighs as she let herself be comforted by your embrace. In that moment, the walls she had built around herself seemed to crumble as she let go of all her fears.

Paige spoke up again, her tears soaking into the fabric of your shirt. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Y/N. You've always been there for me, even when I didn't deserve it."

"That's what I'm here for, right?" You replied, tightening your hold around her.

Eventually, Paige pulled back slightly, her eyes red and puffy but filled with gratitude. "Thank you, Y/N. I don't know what I'd do without you."

You gave her a gentle smile, brushing a stray tear from her cheek. "You don't have to do anything alone, Paige. I'm here for you, always. Are you hungry?"

She was slightly taken aback as she let out a soft chuckle. "Sure, yeah. What's on the menu tonight?"

You smiled back at her, feeling yourself fall back into the natural swing of things. "Mac and cheese, if you're up for it?"

"Hey, it's a thanksgiving food! It's kinda fitting the vibe, don't ya think?" Paige's voice came out hoarse but you could see the amusement in her red-brimmed eyes.

With a gentle arm around her shoulders, you guided Paige to the kitchen, mindful of her injury. As you worked together to prepare the meal, the tension that had been weighing heavily between you seemed to dissipate, replaced by a sense of familiarity.

However, you could still sense a little tension in the air ─ but you decided that issue was for another day.

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[zealouscanonindeer]

Dangerous games 5

Synopsis : If you win, good. If you don't, even better.

(After her carelessness, the rumor mill is well on its way but luckily, she knows exactly how to make it up to him.)

Rating: Mature. NSFW ( Strictly 18+). Minors DNI. You have been warned.

Category: Smut.

Previous chapter series masterlist next chapter

The moment my shift had ended, I rushed out, cheeks flushing as heads turned in my direction, the hospital gossip train well on its way by now. I met Naveen leaving, he insisted on driving me.

"I'm afraid I'm yet to learn your address. "

"Actually, I'm headed to Ethan's. " I meekly replied, feeling a crimson blush rise, turning my face into a beetroot. Naveen only smiled, before throwing me a look of 'I knew it. '

"The hospital gossip has gotten quite trustworthy these days. Don't you agree, Dr Kallie? "

I only stared back at Naveen incredulously, unable to respond. How was I to deny anything when he was literally driving me to the place where his protegee would be once again pounding into me in just a couple of hours time?

Deciding to spare me further embarrasment, for which I was immensely grateful, Naveen admitted.

" Aspen, don't mind my teasing, you're good for him and I believe he's good for you too. You need each other, I saw how much he relied on you during my sepsis and even now with the whole situation with his mother and the hospital. He needs you. "

"And there is no way I could have survived the aftermath of the attack without him. He anchors me. "

Naveen only nodded, already pulling up at Ethan's apartment. A silent unspoken moment lingered, one of understanding before I got off and waved as he drove off.

I used the key to let myself in, Jenners excited barks welcoming me. I caressed his shiny coat as he gleefully rolled onto his back.

I began formulating a plan for tonight. To make it up to him for all the stares, whispers and not so whispered comments at the hospital that Ethan was sure to receive.

After feeding Jenner, who now was happily curled up in his favorite corner I began to work on dinner. Boiling a pot of water, I poured the raw pasta, working on a chicken mushroom spicy sauce that Ethan liked. It miraculously even tasted good enough.

Next, I ran up a bath, sending Ethan a quick pic of me in the bathtub before donning on a new white lacy bodysuit.

I ran my hands over the white lace covering my stomach, well not really covering but rather showcasing. The pattererned lace hugged against my body, my hair stark in contrast to the material. I let my hair run down my shoulders, slightly wild, knowing how much Ethan liked to tug at them.

I opened my lipstick, staining the burgundy color against my lips, if there was one thing I loved it was sloppy open mouthed kisses ending with my lipstick all over him.

I poured two glasses of red wine, waiting in anticipation for him to come home. The door opened and my legs were already moving, the tiles cool against my bare feet.

"Ethan! " I breathed out, colliding into him and almost knocking us both over.

"Whoa! " He laughed, the deep rich rumble that I could feel against our pressed chests. Suddenly his eyes darkened, taking in my attire, eyes snapping up to meet mine.

"And what do we have here? "

"Just a little something after my foolish oversight today. "

"Hmm." His attention no more on my words as I began loosening his tie, removing it. He pushed his shirt off. I slowly moved backwards as he advanced, impatience written all over his face.

I hit the cool glass wall, pushing further against it. Ethan stopped in front of me, rising to his full height so that he was towering over me. He placed both his hands on the glass on either side of my face, his palms pressed against the glass. Leaning down, his lips connected to mine, for the first time that evening.

"Was it terribly bad? The hospital gossip? "

"What can you even expect. I almost quit. " He responded in a flippant tone.

"Then let me make it upto you. Show you how sorry I am. " I slowly got down on my knees, my hands busy unbuckling until all he was left bare.

I looked up at him and his handsome features had already shifted into an expression of pleasure and awe. Not breaking eye contact, I held his thick, engorged cock in my hand, now fully erect and giving it a squeeze. His eyes closed as groans left his mouth.

"Ahhhh."

I continued, pumping him a few times before pressing my lips to his shaft in a kiss. Licking my way down his entire length, I swirled my tongue once before taking him in my mouth.

Cheeks hollowing, I continued first gently sucking, once his hands tangled into my hair, guiding my rhythm and the jerking of his hips, I gathered pace. I firmly held onto the sides of his hips, rocking back and forth with the snap of his hips.

My dark lips sucked him off as he threw his head back, thrusting deeper into my throat. My eyes watered accommodating his size. He continued, hitting the base of my throat, small shudders of his body indicating that he was close.

"Penny. Stop, not yet. "

I reluctantly stopped as he pulled me up to him, his grip firm on my shoulders. I glanced sideways at my reflection in the glass, my hair unruly and tangled from his hands, my slightly parted lips smeared and messed.

"Now what am I going to do with you? "

"Today's all about you, anything you say goes. That includes ripping. " His darkened eyes momentarily turned regretful as he no doubt remembered the amount of clothing and underwear I had forgone in his overzealous frenzy. Sending his hesitance, I added.

"Don't worry, you paid for it. "

"If that's the case... "

RIPP!!

The fabric loosened at the apex of my thigh, a piece of white lace dangling haphazardly. Ethan turned me around, lowering me down on the carpet. His chest pressed against my back and I rested my head in the crook of his neck.

His hand cupped my breast before dipping into the lacy material and flicked my nipple expertly all the the while trailing kisses from the base of my neck to my shoulder. His fingers tightening on the right strap and then..

RIPPP!!!!

The fabric instantly fell from my breast and Ethan's eager hand wasted no time in squeezing it. His hot breath against my ear, he gently bit onto it, whispering.

"Rookie.. " His Rhode Island accent seeping into his speech.

I pushed my hips backward, rubbing onto his hardened cock, leaking with precum. His hands gripped my hips, face burrowing in my neck as he thrusted inside.

I snaked my hand to the back of his head, clasping onto his hair as I planted other hand on the floor to steady myself. Ethan pulled out all the way, with only his tip inside me before slamming his hips into mine, his cock hitting my spot perfectly. His deep strokes continued getting faster until he was remorselessly pounding into me.

My whimpers turned into loud gasps and moans which were now replaced by screams as my fluttering walls clenched hard, milking his cock as tremors filled my body.

"AAAHHH ETHAN!! OHHH... GODDD!! YESSS!! ETHAN!! ".

His dam broke as he finally filled me, his moans quenching my loud screams.

"ROOKIE!!!"

We both stilled, slowly riding out our highs as the stars in my vision subsided, bringing me back. Ethan's sweat dripped against my shoulder as he laid his head against my skin to gather himself.

He eased out of me, holding out a hand to help me to my feet. Walking over to the couch he settled down, pulling my hand but confused at my resistance. Hooking up a eyebrow in question, he looked at me.

"I made you dinner and the wine's just sitting there. I'll get it, yeah? "

He only nodded, leaving my hand as I picked up a glass, glancing at him sitting with his legs slightly spread, head resting on the backrest. An idea popped into my head as I walked back. Straddling him and staring into his eyes, I took a big sip of the wine, holding his face with my hand I pressed our lips together, nudging his mouth open and allowing the liquid to flow from my mouth to his.

He gulped as I pulled back, grinning cockily at his speechlessness.

"So what do you think? "

"I think I need to fuck the insubordination out of you. Time for round 2, rookie. " With that he flung me over his shoulder, my core already throbbing with need. Luckily, he knew exactly what to do.

*********

@liaromancewriter @potionsprefect @jerzwriter @cariantha @peonierose @rookiemartin @kyra75 @queencarb @tessa-liam @genevievemd @coffeeheartaddict2 @openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations @tveitertotwrites

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

HEXACO Analysis: Nakahara Chuuya

HEXACO score: 3.75/2.5/3/2.5/3.75/3.5

Highest trait: Honesty-Humility/Conscientiousness

Lowest trait: Emotionality/Agreeableness

Full order: (HC)OX(EA)

Extreme high subtraits (score 5): Sincerity, Fairness and Diligence

Extreme low subtraits (score 1): Fearfulness

(I have been agonizing over this for literally a month so I have decided to just post it how it is because I'm never going to be satisfied with it anyways.)

Port Mafia executive, former leader of The Sheep, one half of the fearsome Double Black, loyal to a fault, wants a puppy. Gotta love this dude. I'm always excited to do any meta on him because there's so much to his character. Now, much of the fanon interpretation of Chuuya differs from my perception of canon, so if you're a bit surprised by any of the rankings, read on to find out why!

Please do keep in mind: a lot of the info we have for Chuuya does not come from the main manga but from his backstory novels Fifteen and Stormbringer. While these two books have made him an incredibly fleshed-out character, we don't have much info on him at 22 years old except in brief scenes in the manga, omake, and official non-canon content like wan, mayoi and some character q&as. The good thing is that HEXACO traits tend to be relatively consistent over time (and Chuuya himself doesn't seem to have changed too much) so I don't think this will be a major issue.

Here's how I'm doing my analyses and extra HEXACO info: I Like to Write Things — Ok so since I have one note on this, that was... (tumblr.com)

*Note: I tend to be reluctant to give extreme scores unless I really can't find much opposing evidence. As such, most of my scores tend to be 2s, 3s, or 4s.

**Note: Since these are scores that require me to pick a clear ranking, it's difficult to be quite as nuanced in my discussions as I prefer to be. These are intended to be general trends and there will likely always be exceptions - if you don't agree, that's fine, and it's probably just due to differences in subjective interpretation. However, if I've referenced something incorrectly, feel free to notify me; just be polite please!

***Final note: This is a long post! I go through 24 subtraits! You have been warned!

Explanations under the cut:

---

Honesty-Humility (H)

Subtrait 1: Sincerity - A tendency to be genuine in interpersonal relations.

1 = Manipulative and rarely honest.

5 = Honest to a fault and almost never lies.

While Chuuya is capable of trickery, he doesn't do this very often - he's generally a very honest person who says what he means and doesn't beat around the bush. He faces his problems head on, and due to his immensely strong ability, he's likely never needed to do otherwise. Any lies he engages in are from my recollection either someone else's idea (Dazai, Mori) or to buy time (in Stormbringer). Even then, he doesn't really keep up an act for long - think of the confrontation with the ADA in the Guild arc where he pretty much outright states what the Mafia's game is. He's entirely nonchalant about it. He's not the kind of guy you send for subterfuge or deception.

Moreover, I cannot think of a time he used lies to get what he, personally, wanted. He's a very straightforward person. He has a sort of "I am who I am" kind of mentality and this shows in his words and actions.

Having said that, there are certain times he seems to blindside himself - as an example, the nature of his complicated dynamic with Dazai. While his irritation with him and negative feelings are genuine in part, there's a lot more nuance to it than that - worry, trust, begrudging understanding, unfortunate and unwilling recognition of self through the other, etc., but he boils it down to "hate". So, Chuuya does occasionally appear to tell himself convenient partial truths to avoid digging into things that make him uncomfortable. However, this honesty scale is about interpersonal honesty, and these instances are rare to my recollection, so he gets a very high score here.

Score = 5

Subtrait 2: Fairness - A tendency to avoid fraud and corruption for personal gain.

1 = Willing to cheat and steal to get what they want.

5 = Unwilling to take advantage of others.

This is tricky... he's in the mafia which is kind of all about this sort of thing, and he performs his job very well. Even so, Chuuya actually seems to have a pretty ingrained sense of fairness, to the point where I don't think it's really a conscious thing. He advances through the ranks of the mafia rapidly by... doing his job properly. He trades honesty for honesty, answers for answers, even in the middle of a fight - see his interactions with Rimbaud for more of what I mean. He repays people's favours and has a strong sense of loyalty and responsibility. Brushing off an ally's death as a means to get ahead is repulsive to him (DHC Dead Apple prologue). He outright tells a GSS soldier in Fifteen what's going to happen to him if he shoots at Chuuya. He does what he says he will, for the most part (unless this has to do with retribution, in which sometimes, rarely, exceptions will be made... I'll bring this up again later). Again, this is probably not mere kindness but also a result of his powerful ability meaning he's never really needed to rely on unscrupulous methods. Nonetheless, for what we see of him, I can't think of a time where he screws others over outside of orders from Mori - much less for his own benefit.

(A case could be made for a drop to 4 if you include his willingness to engage in mafia activities at all. I, personally, wouldn't since being a part of an illegal organization is literally all he's ever known from age 7 onwards. That's not really a character choice imo and more to do with the context he was raised in that became his "normal".)

Score = 5

Subtrait 3: Greed Avoidance - A tendency to be uninterested in possessing lavish wealth, luxury goods and signs of status.

1 = Want to enjoy and display wealth and status.

5 = Hardly driven by material gain.

Again, kind of tricky. Chuuya's introduced in quite possibly one of the most ostentatious outfits of the series (definitely up until that point, at least). He has his expensive wine collection and I think it is implied he has some expensive tastes. I think of that bit in Wan where he says he'll drop any money if he likes the thing he's looking to buy enough. Thing is... we get a little bit in Stormbringer where Chuuya's place is near totally empty; devoid of signs of having been "lived in" and tells us that money and status don't mean much to him. Mind you, this was when he was 16 and things likely changed since then; he's no longer only driven by his goal of finding info on himself and has acclimated to his new home in a sense. Truthfully, though, we don't know all that much about 22-year-old Chuuya. From my interpretation, I think his enjoyment of fancy things like wine and nice clothes is less a drive or motive to acquire any of these things, and more that he gets them as a bonus. He grew up on the streets. He has money now; he might as well use it to get himself something nice. Honestly, I swayed back and forth on this subtrait the most... but eventually settled on a score of 2 (that wine collection is... pretty damn expensive). I think he likes to treat himself. (I am now thinking of Chuuya's excitement over his new pillow in Wan...)

(I'd actually say Chuuya's focus on his appearance has a lot more to do with the image he hopes to give off to others than any true interest in material gain, but more on that later.)

Score: 2

Subtrait 4: Modesty - A tendency to be modest and unassuming (note that this has nothing to do with self-confidence!).

1 = Consider themselves superior and entitled to special treatment.

5 = Consider themselves ordinary people with no claim to special treatment.

Ohhhkay, this is a really weird one. Chuuya is so not modest. He knows damn well how powerful he is and is not afraid to flaunt his ability and martial arts prowess. He's cocky, arrogant and completely self-assured in a fight. However... he also has this weird humility where everything he does is in service to his people. He doesn't ask for special treatment, in fact, it may even make him uncomfortable, at least in Fifteen (dislike of being called "king") and Stormbringer (balking at Adam's "Chuuya-sama" addressal and trying to get him to change it). He goes by first name basis with most everyone and while he expects respect from his subordinates, he's not above spending time with them and doesn't treat people as beneath him unless they're his enemies. From Stormbringer, we know that Chuuya being so much more powerful actually isolates and upsets him. He also rarely takes a lot of credit for things; I think about his reaction in the ending scene in Dead Apple where he brushes off praise from his boss for fighting the dragon, saying he was just doing his job. Most anything he does is brushed off in a similar manner. It's just what he does; it's his duty - what he thinks he should do for his people. See? Weird humility.

I can't rank him too low or too high on this trait - this is one subscale where Chuuya's contradictory nature starts to show, I think.

Score = 3

H Score Total = (5+5+2+3)/4 = 3.75

---

Emotionality (E)

Subtrait 1: Fearfulness - A tendency to easily experience fear.

1 = Have little fear; tend to be tough and insensitive to physical pain.

5 = Strongly inclined to feel fear and avoid physical harm.

There's not much to say about this. This guy goes through so much pain; gets thrown into buildings, shocked, stabbed and just gets back up. He jumps out of a plane to fight a dragon with zero hesitation. He feels bored in most fights and itches for a real challenge. He's near completely fearless lmao.

Score = 1

Subtrait 2: Anxiety - A tendency to worry over future outcomes.

1 = Feel little stress in response to hardship and difficulties.

5 = Tend to become preoccupied even by minor problems.

I believe Chuuya has a rather standard level of anxiety. I just said he's pretty much fearless, which he is, but he can and does worry, else he would not show concern for others in the way that he does. I think about his clear worry for the captured Sheep members in Fifteen, or him trying to contact Dazai in Stormbringer, or the way his concern over the outcome of the Cannibalism virus led to him attacking the ADA even though he knew that's what their mutual enemy wanted. At the same time, he doesn't spend too much time fretting over things if he can help it.

Score = 3

Subtrait 3: Dependence - A tendency to require emotional support from others.

1 = Feel self-assured and able to cope without help or advice.

5 = Crave encouragement and support when sharing difficulties.

While I think Chuuya could benefit from some supportive friends who don't die on him ( :'( ), I don't think he necessarily needs a lot of emotional support. He's pretty used to toughing it out alone and he's good at it. He's very self-reliant. However, he does ask for advice on occasion (from Mori), he does like to be part of a group (though that's more about other people depending on him...) and he's genuinely touched when people do show a want to support him (the Flags, Adam). He's not too good at receiving said support though lol.

He deserves more than he gets imo, but this scale is about whether he needs it or not, and to me, the answer is very rarely. Chuuya can deal with anything, however much or long he needs to. The real question is should he have to?

Score = 2

Subtrait 4: Sentimentality - A tendency to feel strong emotional bonds with others.

1 = Feel little emotion when parting or in reaction to others' concerns.

5 = Feel strong attachment to others and have an empathic sensitivity.

Bonds with others are literally Chuuya's Reason Living. Like, he practically says as much in Stormbringer and loyalty and protectiveness are two of his core character traits. Nearly everything he does is for the people he decides are his family. And even though he tends to lose people time and time again, he still manages to care and value them in spite of it all. The only reason he does not rank a full 5 is because he's hardly empathic or sensitive, but his emotions and loyalties run deep and comprise a good chunk of his identity.

Score = 4

E Score Total = (1+3+2+4)/4 = 2.5

---

eXtraversion (X)

Subtrait 1: Social Self-Esteem - A tendency to have positive self-regard in social contexts.

1 = Tend to see self as unpopular and have a sense of worthlessness.

5 = Consider themselves to have likeable qualities and are satisfied with who they are.

Hm. I wonder about this one. We've already established that Chuuya is very confident but that's mostly in a fight or when asserting his strength. When it comes to social interactions outside of this context, it's clear that he gets very easily self-conscious. Think of Ranpo calling him "fancy-hat" - he reaches up to touch his hat like he's unsure if it's a compliment or an insult. There's Dazai's commenting on his shoes, first happy and then extremely irritated when the other... shoe drops (I'm sorry). Comments on his clothes, stature and anything to do with his history (the latter especially when he was younger) make him defensive and prone to bursts of irritation - he's very confident up until someone says something that makes him self-conscious. This probably has a lot to do with his former insecurities about his inhumanity; while he knows now that he is human, that feeling of otherness isn't just going to go away. Of particular note is Chuuya's dress sense - I made a note of this earlier that it seems he dresses to give off a particular image, namely, his membership to a group and status as their ultimate weapon (he both blends in and strikingly stands out). I'm not the only one who's noticed how he has a lot of outfit changes throughout the series, and how they seem to match whichever group he's a part of at the time - so, to insult the way he dresses seems to be taken as a personal jab to the image he's built up, an image that keeps him secure in his membership with his people (membership we know Chuuya desires from Stormbringer). If simple poking at the surface level of his self-image is enough for him to get so defensive, that doesn't really bode well for his social self-esteem as a whole.

At the same time, Chuuya does possess a lot of self-confidence and a certain level of self-respect. His reaction to Kenji thinking he's cool is definitely unabashed pride. He likely knows and enjoys his respected reputation in the mafia - but again, this is towards his ability and prowess, not necessarily his person. He responds to care for his person often with confusion and, again, defensiveness. I feel like he's about average in social self-esteem honestly, as his reactions tend to be quite polarized. It really depends on the context and what's being judged.

Score = 3

Subtrait 2: Social Boldness - A tendency to be comfortable/confident in social situations.

1 = Tend to feel shy or awkward when speaking to others.

5 = Willing to approach strangers and speak up.

Yeah Chuuya has no issue talking to people. I wouldn't actually call him social (more on that in the next subtrait) but he's clearly anything but shy. Only reason he doesn't rank a 5 is because he approaches people much more on orders or necessity than genuine willingness.

Score = 4

Subtrait 3: Sociability - A tendency to enjoy conversation and social interaction.

1 = Generally prefer solitary activities and rarely seek out conversation.

5 = Enjoy talking, visiting and celebrating with others.

I know there's a tendency to want to pin Chuuya as being a social person from his loudness, stand-out design, and the fact that we do see him drinking with Kajii and Hirotsu outside of work but truthfully? I think there's a lot more reason to think he's not all that sociable. For one, he is extremely guarded in both Fifteen and Stormbringer which makes a lot of sense - Chuuya has always been singled out as the biggest threat in the room, which means in turn that he has no choice but to perceive most people as potential threats in turn. In Fifteen, he really only talks to people out of necessity or in a fight, but he's not hanging out - of course he isn't, none of the people in that novel treated him like a friend. In Stormbringer, it takes an age for him to relax around the Flags and even then, he's not exactly the most conversational. Okay, you might be saying, but that's him when he's younger and fresh to the idea of having friends who don't ask him for anything in return.

It's tricky, again, because we really don't have much on older Chuuya. He apparently drinks with Hirotsu and Kajii. However, we don't know if he went there with them, or whether they just all happened to be going to the same place and he started venting to them. In the scene with him, Mori and Kouyou, he brings the wine, and then... he's not even really involved in that conversation, mostly just listening (and later cursing out Dazai under his breath lol). Also, a lot of the supplemental materials - drama cds, character q&as, even in Mayoi - seem to imply that he prefers to spend his time going and doing things by himself. There's also a few interesting continuities in Mayoi (which I know is a little... sus for canon info but like I said, we really don't have much and this next point is actually fairly consistent, leading me to believe this is intended to be an actual characterization point). In a lot of his dialogue and the summaries for some of the special events, he is described as "hanging back a bit". He often seems to choose to enjoy the atmosphere instead of talk to anyone, or else he's watching for threats. He almost always seems to be tense except in two conditions: one, he knows the place and the people are safe, and two, he gets to relax and sit back without speaking much. All this seems to indicate he actually very much enjoys time alone or at least time not spent speaking to people. Even when he's at a louder location, he is far more interested in the alcohol haha.

Score = 2

Subtrait 4: Liveliness - A tendency to be enthusiastic, active and upbeat.

1 = Tend not to feel optimistic or dynamic.

5 = Usually optimists and often in high spirits.

I don't know if I'd call Chuuya an optimist, per se. I think he's actually quite jaded. However, he generally has the attitude that he can get through most things and he gets quite into the action - he loves a good fight, he likes doing stunts on his motorcycle, he feels his feelings very strongly. He's not "a ray of sunshine" hehe but he's definitely dynamic and active - I think he'd get quite bored if he had nothing to do. I'd say he's about average.

Score = 3

X Score Total = (3+4+2+3)/4 = 3

---

Agreeableness (A)

Subtrait 1: Forgivingness - A tendency to feel trust and liking towards those who previously caused harm.

1 = Tend to hold a grudge.

5 = Usually ready to trust again after being treated poorly.

Hm. Again, this is another place where Chuuya's contradictory nature seems to show. Chuuya's whole mentality is if you try to hurt him or his people, he tries to hurt you back. It's very deliberate that in Fifteen he often kills by ricocheting bullets back at the people who fired at him. It's very retributive; definitely a "get-even" mentality. He immediately goes on a revenge mission against Verlaine for the Flags' sake. He remains furious at Dazai for years (but that's a constant lmao). However, he also has this strange capacity to... stop feeling that same level of raw anger, and it seems to occur when he comes to understand said person as a human being, especially if he can relate somehow. Also, something that is outright stated in Stormbringer is that Chuuya has the unfortunate tendency to help people who have helped him, even if they wind up betraying him in the end. I don't know if I'd call any of this true forgiveness (I think it ties in more with his ingrained sense of fairness and responsibility) but at the very least, he doesn't seem to hold grudges against people he comes to know for long except Dazai, and even then, he still trusts Dazai implicitly. He doesn't give his trust easily, but by god when he does, it's hard to break. I'm not entirely convinced of this myself, but I gave him a neutral score.

Score = 3

Subtrait 2: Gentleness - A tendency to be lenient in judgements of others.

1 = Tend to be critical when evaluating others.

5 = Reluctant to openly judge others harshly.

...He openly tells opponents they're weak to their faces. He's sooo not gentle and he's only really nice to his allies (and Kenji...but he has very little choice in that matter because Kenji decided they are friends). I think he's the kind of person who's blunt, but not always to be a jerk. Actually, he's fairly attuned to giving advice to people (see: drama cds) but he sure doesn't sugar-coat it. He says what he means. There's also his manner of speaking, which is considered quite vulgar. He's saved from the lowest score because, as I said, he does offer advice and encouragement without much prompting and rarely is he a complete jerk for no reason (unless you're counting bully preschool Chuuya from Wan hahaha). He also seems to have a soft spot for animals, especially dogs. Does that count? I think that counts.

Score = 2

Subtrait 3: Flexibility - A tendency to compromise and cooperate with others.

1 = Stubborn and quick to argue.

5 = Accommodate others' suggestions, even if they may be unreasonable.

I think he's fairly amenable to other ideas actually, but it depends on their source. There's an omake where Kouyou has to call him out because he's indulging Mori and his spontaneous whims too much in their planning. He goes along with the dumb shenanigans the Flags and his subordinates get into, with some griping, but it's clear he doesn't really mind. He's a lot more resistant to Dazai, of course, but again, he will go along with most things in the end because he knows that Dazai's plans do not fail. Still, he rarely just takes other's ideas without putting up a little bit of resistance first (unless it's a direct order), and he doesn't seem to work with others except Dazai (and he does not cooperate with him in any way approaching an agreeable manner, despite being completely in sync). I put him as neutral. He seems to need to see the sense in most things or else see some benefit to others (which might just be said others' enjoyment... the rich girl scene anyone?) before he'll actually do something that wasn't his idea.

Score = 3

Subtrait 4: Patience - A tendency to remain calm rather than become angry.

1 = Tend to lose their temper quickly.

5 = Have a high threshold for expressing anger.

...Lmao. I'm so sorry, buddy. If something is annoying to Chuuya, he will react (it might not be a dramatic reaction but it still manifests as at least visible irritation). He is more than capable of repressing his anger and acting more mature and serious when the situation calls for it but... it really does not take much to rile him up, especially if said annoyance humiliates or embarrasses him in some way. That said, he can and will remain stoic in the face of people who rely on him. Saved from the lowest score by a thread.

Score = 2

A Score Total = (3+2+3+2)/4 = 2.5

---

Conscientiousness (C)

Subtrait 1: Organization - A tendency to seek order in surroundings.

1 = Tend to be sloppy and haphazard.

5 = Tend to keep things tidy and prefer structure.

There's not much in the series that really indicates what Chuuya is like in his own space. The closest we get is in Stormbringer, where he has very few belongings - but these are stated to be kept very neatly. He appears to spend a good deal of time making himself presentable and it makes sense that this would extend to the space around him as well. Chuuya is likely to be a pretty organized person - he's seen going over a list in an omake and planning out a schedule, and he's good at staying on task - honestly a rarity with characters in this series. While I wouldn't expect him to be quite as fastidious as, say, Kunikida, the little evidence we have seems to indicate he keeps things pretty organized.

Score = 4

Subtrait 2: Diligence - A tendency to work hard.

1 = Have little self-discipline and are not strongly achievement motivated.

5 = Have a strong work ethic and are willing to exert themselves.

Um, yeah, absolutely he's high in this trait. He considers protection of his people his duty and responsibility - it's of prime importance to him and he shoulders a lot of blame should he fail. He brushes off absurd feats such as facing off against Guivre in Stormbringer and fighting the dragon in Dead Apple with a view that can essentially be boiled down to "it's what I'm supposed to do". He clearly expects 100% from himself. He's very diligent. It's a product of his loyalty crossed with his "I can handle anything" mentality.

Score = 5

Subtrait 3: Perfectionism - A tendency to be thorough and concerned with details.

1 = Tolerate some errors and tend to neglect details.

5 = Check carefully for mistakes and improvements.

Tying in with the above, there's not a lot of conclusive examples I can point to, but as he expects full effort from himself and isn't really tolerant of his own failure, I would say this trait is high by necessity. The suits he keeps in Stormbringer are also kept spotless. I can't give a 5, because I don't think he's a perfectionist, per se, but he does rise to meet challenges and that necessitates improvement. He's the best martial artist in the Port Mafia for a reason.

Score = 4

Subtrait 4: Prudence - A tendency to deliberate carefully and inhibit impulses.

1 = Act on impulse and tend not to consider consequences.

5 = Consider options carefully and tend to be cautious/self-controlled.

...ok. So, he definitely prefers to jump into things headfirst. He solves many of his problems with actions and generally more violent ones. However - he can and does look at situations in a much more nuanced way than people give him credit for. He knows how to negotiate, for one - that's part of what Kouyou trained him on in the first place. For another, even when he does rush into a fight, the Dead Apple novelization has this brilliant passage where you see that he's incredibly observant in the midst of the action - and really, he'd have to be. Gravity manipulation is not telekinesis - there's a lot more to consider in terms of force and resistance than just "pick up/throw object". To be noted though is that much of this quick thought happens within a situation - he's adaptable in the moment but he's not really a pre-planner. His way of dealing with things kind of necessitates him jumping into a situation and working through things as they come. So, his score would still be low here, but not the lowest.

Score = 2

C Score Total = (4+5+4+2)/4 = 3.75

---

Openness (O)

Subtrait 1: Aesthetic Appreciation - A tendency to find enjoyment in beauty found in art and nature.

1 = Not overly interested in works of art or natural wonder.

5 = Have a strong appreciation for various art forms and nature.

I'll be honest, there's not a lot of instances in canon to support or refute this subtrait. We do know that he likes nice clothes and hats though, so that supports some level of aesthetic appreciation. He also is shown humming in the manga, and one of his likes on his character profile is music. In other official material, such as character interviews, he seems to enjoy going for drives to look at the sunrise or sunset from a nice view or enjoying fresh snow falling from the sky. A few of his Mayoi quotes also support this, as he seems to enjoy the ambiance of wind chimes and festivities from a distance - though in one of them he sounds a bit like a tsundere ("the hydrangeas make for an exquisite sight... I suppose") lol.

So, while there isn't a lot, I think there's decent support for a high score here. I can't really see him at an art gallery per se, but he definitely has an aesthetic sense and likely an appreciation for natural beauty as well.

Score = 4

Subtrait 2: Inquisitiveness - A tendency to seek information about and experience the world.

1 = Have little curiosity and are content with what they know.

5 = Seek out new information constantly and love new experiences.

I'm not sure there's much evidence here either. I don't think Chuuya is closed-off to learning new things, as he does teach himself new skills and seems to pick things up fairly quickly. I've already commented on how he's pretty adaptable, especially in the moment. However, I don't think he's the type to go beyond and actively seek out new knowledge that isn't directly applicable to what he needs to know. The knowledge we see Chuuya acquire throughout the series is more practical stuff, stuff he can put to use in some way (ex. martial arts skills). His worldview also remains rather limited - he has only ever known life as an important figure in a criminal organization. He has literally known nothing else. And he doesn't seem to mind this so much; I suspect because, as Stormbringer tells us, he doesn't feel particularly deserving of examining anything different. There's also the matter of his intense loyalty to his people, which means that he has little incentive to look elsewhere. At the same time, he certainly likes to experience things in a more literal sense - he tries different wines, wears different outfits, and is incredibly engaged in action. I'll give him a average score.

Score = 3

Subtrait 3: Creativity - A tendency to innovate and experiment.

1 = Tend to stick to familiar patterns and methods with little change.

5 = Actively seek new solutions to problems and tend to self-express.

Chuuya, I would say, is a lot more straightforward than he is innovative. While, as I've mentioned multiple times by now, he adapts quickly in a fight, his go-to is still... to fight. He deals with things very much head-on, and again, he's not really a pre-planner. In the moment, however, he's incredible at reading a situation and responding near instantly to new threats. As for self-expression, I'd venture to say that Chuuya's actually pretty repressed. He has a distinctive style and set of likes and dislikes, but he often seems to understate his excitement or interest in things - see the tsundere-ish comment above or really just look at how he tries to appear cooler and more put-together than he is in like... anything he shows up in. Dude is repressed, seriously. The only time we see him unabashedly enjoying himself is in high-adrenaline situations like fights - at the very least, in Fifteen, Dazai describes him as being somewhat "kid-ish" when he gets really into things. (You are one to talk, Dazai.)

I'll put him at a neutral score since I can't find too much supporting evidence either way.

Score = 3

Subtrait 4: Unconventionality - A tendency to accept the unusual.

1 = Avoid eccentric and non-conforming persons.

5 = Receptive to ideas that might seem strange or radical.

...you know, writing all this out, and as unusually powerful and contradictory as Chuuya is... he's kind of. The normal one. At least in comparison to a lot of the company he keeps. He tends to be the voice of reason or at least keeps somewhat of a level head in the drama cds which will never stop being amusing to me. Part of the reason he's good at this though is that he's really very accepting and kind of indifferent towards people's eccentricities, especially if he's known them for a while. He barely bats an eye at Kajii's maniacal experimentation, accommodates Mori's weirdness without so much as a reaction, and while he finds Adam incredibly strange (valid lmao) he seems to start to enjoy that after a time. He seems pretty willing to accept just about anyone's quirks the more he spends time around them and gets used to them.

When around Dazai in particular, he reveals himself to... also be very, very strange. The comparatively "normal guy" is quickly replaced with someone just as incredibly unhinged as Dazai himself. Argue however you like whether they make each other better or worse but they certainly do make each other weirder.

I wonder if being surrounded by so many odd people makes him feel slightly less odd by comparison. Something to consider.

At the same time, he's a little too grounded and practical to be given a full score of 5, so a 4 he is.

Score = 4

O Score Total = (4+3+3+4)/4 = 3.5

So, there you have it! Phew, this took a while. I hope you enjoyed it!

I'm working on another analysis for Mori (BSD) and for Seam (Deltarune). If anyone has any other characters they'd like to request, feel free to drop me an ask! I write at a snail's pace but it does eventually get done!

[yostresswritinggirl]

mother, what do you think would happen if a child just isekai'd in genshin

like they played genshin, now they're excited to see their favorite characters, but oh no, danger alert cause the world has many monsters and scary people

no family, no home, then they realize the situation they're in and they can't go back

i feel like the traveler would pick em up cause they can relate to the poor kid haha

i imagine them just randomly blurting out a deep secret they know ( because of the game ) and traveler having to cover it up and play it off

i feel like a lot of the genshin characters would be good big brothers and sisters, or father figures/mother figures

ahshdhdhf i'm sorry, i am just touch starved for found family tropes so ehem

—🗿

Hmm hm it's quite hard to think since it really depends on the age, so I guess the most appropriate age bracket here would be 8-10 years old, can properly play the game and understand the happenings of the game

I love the idea of Traveler finding them tho! Truly found family (omayghad imagine they actually do end up getting adopted and the other twin absolutely loves them to bits!) and for sure blurt things out of nowhere! Like some points still can't really comprehend the fact that this real now and not just a game - like they'll go up to a character and go "You're (Character Name), right?! Do your burst, do your burst!" And all that game lingo that everyone's so confused about. Traveler would have to drag them away and trying to make up a lie for their behaviors! (More utc)

Does not understand the concept of lore and when asked, they'll just blurt out random information without a second thought. "Oh, Inazuma! You were so close to dying because of Raiden!" And then focuses back on watching the ships in Liyue while Traveler's next to them trying not to faint.

While the characters don't exactly understand their fondness to them (they just think you're playing make believe, and that the Traveler talked about them), they definitely enjoy their company and have a sense of protectiveness to the child. Because they're so easygoing with characters (cuz you know them from the game lol) and that they find their... Creativity endearing. They also like showing off and cooking their speciality dishes, it's just all so new for the Reader that everything pretty much amazes them.

By the way, it is undeniable that they would have an immense for slimes, paired with the fact that they lack a proper sense of danger other than getting scold. But slimes! So big and most likely soft! They've always wanted slime plushies back in the real world and now the real deal is in front of them, this is true temptation! And no, they won't take a doll as an alternative.

Traveler and their big brothers/sisters tried (and still are) taming slimes or making a not-harmful replication (Albedo) just to get you to back off from enemy slimes. I also think they'll be very fond of the child models and would want to play/hang out with them a lot (even if Dori's considered an adult? And Sayu's older than she looks) - oh and they love Paimon, Paimon loves them back and would often convince you to gang up on Traveler when they're being mean to Paimon.

Throughout all this, I can't stop imagining Traveler carrying child Reader like how Loid always carries Anya cuz it's easier to fight like that and they don't have to worry about you falling off a cliff while they're busy.

Omg cute thought, them playing around with the artifacts because they don't quite understand how builds work, trying out the circlets and bundling up the flowers while Traveler's grinding nonstop in the background.

Oops, I rambled! Sorry, I'm quite a fan of the isekai trope that's not romanticized, that and I have a younger sister that likes playing genshin on our brother's device!

[ramonag-if]

Hello, dear author!

I cannot describe how in love I am with your story. It's sooooo well written - I cried for my MC's behalf 🫣 And I didn't know I could hate a fictional character so much (I'm talking about you, Sal)😆

Danzor is annoying with his blind support of Sal but I actually cannot blame him - my MC devoted to Irus no less 😃 But I like to think MC will tell Irus off if he'll make a mess of things (but still be there with him to take care of this mess). So I kinda wander - is Danzor devotion to Sal really blind or he does think she's not always right but he keep silence so she won't be upset?

And also - will it be possible for MC to be religious at first in childhood - you know, like faith being the only thing she has from mama - but in the end despise old (or any) gods? And in theory: we've seen Anu with her fire blade and it was impressive, but could MC refuse this blessing and still be a better and stronger warrior? Like "I don't need your gods to be good at wielding a blade and win against you😎"? Cuz my MC won't hear a crap about her baby Irus and she's ready to pounce at anyone who treats him wrong.

Oh, and also!! (Sorry for my blabbering, I'm just really excited for any crops of information about your masterpiece 😅). We know Rana is quite lonely child, but did she get bullied? Despite all hatred of my MC for Sal and her guard dog my MC wouldn't hesitate to protect Rana from bullies even if at first MC thought she don't want anything to do with Sal new family. And I would like for them to be close with each other, but I'm not sure if MC ready to approach Rana first after this disaster "dinner" unless her protection instinct is kicking in cuz right now she's too hurt by Sal to even consider getting to know her little sis. Do we have to be the one to take initiative with Rana (because I'm not sure she'll do anything, she's afraid of MC if MC was aggressive with her parents) or there will be some situation where MC can protect Rana?

P.S. sorry about my English 🫣 I'm not native speaker so I hope you understand my questions.

Hello! I'm so happy that you're enjoying the game 😊💖

Danzor is not blind to Salyra's flaws. He's learnt to bite his tongue about certain topics because he's come to understand that Salyra's mind can't be changed when she's determined to do something.

You're already able to change your beliefs throughout the story. There's nothing that will bar you from succeeding in the game if you don't believe or worship. The divinity stat simply opens up more choices/options to go about doing something but you'll still be able to be a warrior/diplomat/insert fun title here without wielding immense powers.

Rana wasn't bullied to the extent the MC might have been. At most, it was a few pointed stares or some teasing from the children of families who don't actually support Salyra. She's lonely, but not bullied as much as she used to be but that's more because Rana's learnt how to keep away from most children. She does have a few friends with the other children who live in the temple, so there's that 😅 I can't say if the MC will get a chance to protect Rana from bullies because of the plot structure, but who knows?

Your English is perfectly fine so don't stress about it 🌼😊

[wordscholar]

my favorite books of 2023!

(plus some runners-up that didn't make the cut)

hi all! due to consuming copious amounts of manga this year, i met over 150% of my reading goal in 2023, which i think is a record for me!! that said, i still read a TON of amazing non-manga books, and i wanted to share what they are and why i liked them so much :) here are my top 10, in no particular order:

stay true, by hua hsu: i actually "spoiled" this memoir for myself, in that i opened it randomly at a bookstore and by chance saw a line that revealed the central event of the book. that said—knowing what was going to happen made this book even better. hsu's writing is so conscious of itself and you can tell he never says anything he doesn't mean or anything he hasn't thought about time and time again. i don't even like memoirs! but this book broke my heart.

witch king, by martha wells: all my friends know i'm obsessed with witch king. this was my first martha wells book and i was absolutely enraptured from the word go. it was so fun and exciting and the characters did not overshadow the plot, which is a trend in books nowadays that often bothers me, and it also didn't feel contrived or almost silly the way bad fantasy can be. i read this book so fast it made me depressed when it was over. read witch king!!

goodbye, eastern europe, by jacob mikanowski: dedicated readers of this blog, who definitely exist (lol), will know i am from deep eastern europe. reading this book helped me understand the region more, especially on a more personal and less geopolitical level, but almost more than anything, it made me feel like i wasn't wrong for always feeling like my country has left no footprint on the world. mikanowski says that eastern europe doesn't lack for history, but rather it lacks for narratives that it can tell about itself, having been torn apart and conquered and frozen and thawed and put back together again over the course of more than 500 years. it's not just that no one remembers us—no one even knows what to call us.

mammoths at the gates, by nghi vo: i have loved the singing hills cycle since it first started coming out and this latest story was no exception (though nothing can beat empress of salt and fortune). i love the focus on the neixin (the little "twist" at the end was so funny and cute) and, as i've come to expect with nghi vo, she gives her "antagonists" such careful, dedicated treatment that they stop being antagonists and just start being other people. also, i've said it but it's worth saying again: i love chih!!

the dispossessed, by ursula k. le guin: several years ago i read all of earthsea, and then i read left hand of darkness, but it was only this year that i finally got to the dispossessed, and the wait was absolutely worth it. uklg has so many ideas to share about feminism, nationalism, linguistics, not to mention anarchy and capitalism. reading this book made me feel like even our ability to imagine utopia, the perfect, impossible nowhere-land, has been degraded by capitalism over the years. this book should be required reading.

an immense world, by ed yong: i am scientist and so i love to read about other sciences, especially plant and animal science, and immense world is the best journalistic foray into animal science an amateur could ask for. this book just does not stop hitting you over the head with completely crazy true stuff about the natural world, and to top it all off ed yong is funny and likable and a socially conscious person. do you want to know more about animals, even in passing? read this book.

all the horses of iceland, by sarah tolmie: i'm obsessed with novellas that carry 100 times their weight in meaning, and (like the singing hills cycle!) this is one of them. are you interested in medieval eurasia? nomadic peoples? witchcraft? global judaism? horses? the season of game of thrones where she lives with the dothraki??? all of the horses of iceland has all of these and more and it's slim as hell!!

lonely castle in the mirror, by mizuki tsujimura: this book is most immediately about how bullying can truly send a person's (and especially a child's) life off course, but it's also about living on in spite of that and especially making new friends and reconciling with old ones. while the middle portion of the book is a little slow (not boring, just slice-of-life-y), once i got to the final quarter or so, i was so enraptured i read it while walking home. it's also maybe, but also definitely not? about time travel.

the premonition, by yoshimoto banana: this book is short but it takes you to many places as the narrator comes to understand a secret about her family that had been kept from her for years. many uncomfortable things are discussed and even put into action, but at the end of the day this story is about loving other people and appreciating your life and knowing no one can control you but you. unrelated, but at one point they drink hot calpico, which is total madness.

city of bones, by martha wells: i finished this book on christmas eve and it made the list! on the surface it's about archaeology (and combat archaeology! that beloved 90s genre), which i love as someone with a degree in classics. but it's also about people who are hurt in different ways by the social systems we live under and how mutual aid can help. and also, toxic shock syndrome(?!).

quite a few runners-up:

ms. ice sandwich, by mieko kawakami: a really sweet novella about a kid who doesn't understand the woman he has a childhood crush on had a botched plastic surgery to "fix" her eyelids.

juniper and thorn, by ava reid: a fairly dark piece of magic realism about abuse and freedom. tasteful but not toothless sex scenes.

the king must die, by mary renault: what if when theseus was taken to crete, there were no monsters, only people?

the remains of the day, by kazuo ishiguro: it's never too late to tell someone you love them—or to not do that, if you're british.

the mask of mirrors, by m. a. carrick: an ambiguously slavic (not russian!) fantasy about conning your way to success, or maybe not that much success.

young mungo, by douglas stuart: a really horrifying book in the sense that horrifying things happen in the real world, every day. the conclusion of this book is about as horrifying as the inciting action, but it's a fucking triumph.

all systems red, by martha wells: imagine if every time you went outside you had to bring an antisocial bodyguard obsessed with general hospital.

the last unicorn, by peter s. beagle: many people have written much about this book, so all i'll say is that they're right. it's good.

a couple that weren't for me:

lapvona, by ottessa moshfegh: this book was very much a folk tale describing what happened when pagan communities ostensibly became christian—except no one in the book knew they were still pagan. great in concept, but in execution far too gross for me personally.

confessions of the fox, by jordy rosenberg: i can understand why lots of people love this book, but for me it was actually a bit boring. the commentary (literal and metaphorical) was fun to read, but the story-within-the-story didn't end up interesting me very much.

what lies in the woods, by kate alice marshall: this was a deeply average mystery novel, totally predictable but not unfun. i'd rather just read tana french though.

days at the morisaki bookshop, by satoshi yagisawa: the first half of this book is actually alright, as a young woman is convinced by her uncle that her ex cheating on her was actually a hugely shitty thing to do, but the second half transitions to a completely different story about the uncle's wife reappearing after many years that i didn't like at all.

the manga series i read (or read a lot of) this year:

skip and loafer, by misaki takamatsu: an awesome slice of life story about a girl who lives in the countryside moving to tokyo for high school. the story is split really well between the characters' personal aspirations and arcs and their interactions with each other, and as many have noted there is a prominent trans woman character who's really lovely.

inuyasha, by rumiko takahashi: i'm finally getting into this classic manga. i tried watching the anime first and found it was too hard to pay attention to for me, but being able to take the manga at my own pace has been super fun and i'm really enjoying it! i love miroku and sango. i think this is the first manga i've read from the 90s.

a sign of affection, by suu morishita: a love story about a deaf girl in college meeting her first boyfriend, who is hearing. some parts are pretty goofy, but overall i thought it was cute and i learned a lot about experiences you might have as a deaf person in japan.

in the clear moonlit dusk, by mika yamamori: a romance about a boyish-looking, suave high school girl who is caught off guard when a filthy rich, slightly delinquent upperclassman becomes obsessed with her. sounds disgusting? except then he starts talking about how he'd still be in love with her if she really were a boy and proceeds to respect all her boundaries at all times. chef kiss!

various BL by nagisa furuya (japanese editions): this author's single/double-volume BL manga are super cute, my favorite was definitely long period (childhood friends!) with hoshi dake ga shitteru being a close second.

ao haru ride, by io sakisaka: i had watched the anime of ao haru ride (which stops halfway through the manga) and so when i reached that point in the manga, i was expecting more similar stuff, not a genuinely stressful love square disaster. the first half is so cute and the second half is terrifying. proceed if you dare.

witch hat atelier, by kamome shirahama: i've continued keeping up with witch hat atelier this year, and i have to say i read the first few volumes so fast i've sort of forgotten what happened....but that won't stop me from being obsessed with qifrey and his whole situation. i love that coco and agott are getting more comfortable with each other these last few volumes!

[lostplay]

Game 42: Dragon Quest Heroes II As much as I am a fan of warrior games and Dragon Quest, they have yet to make the games as good as the Hyrule Warrior games have been. Maybe it has something to do with the size of the locations, the JRPG nature of the franchise, or simply not rendering enough enemies, but the series just doesn't get close enough to the explosive action I felt when it comes to any of the other warrior games. Still compared to the first Dragon Quest Heroes, DQHII actually improvements itself immensely, and what was once an utter drag, is now just a novelty that feels like it's miss something. Like the first Dragon Quest Heroes was so stiff and slow paced that it never felt like you were given the time of day to actually get into any of the action. There was no chance to explore or make itself feel like a classic JRPG the way a Dragon Quest game ought to be. Heroes II fixes this oversight by giving the players a proper overworld to play around in and explore. While there isn't always a bundle of enemies to smack around, there is at least plenty of environments, treasures, and block passages to make it really feel like a traditional JRPG overworld. It honestly feels like I'm exploring the first map of Dragon Quest again, and every time I see an enemy it's like it draws near to me despite it remain quite stationary. There is just something to say about a big overworld, especially one as filled as Heroes II that gets any player really excited to explore it. Sadly though, the overworld of Heroes II isn't the main focus of the game, and that in lies the problem with it. It's not so much that the story is bad or the characters feel off, it's more so just how the maps used during story segments are rather hit or miss. Like there is plenty of dungeon type maps in this game, but there are also plenty of maps that feel like an empty arena in which you wait to be filled. Once more, the balancing of these types of maps are entirely lopsided with the early story maps having hardly any creatures, and the later game areas have plenty of enemies to deal with. This makes for a lot of the beginning of Heroes to be not only slower to get into, but boring too. The game really only picks up right after your fight with Terry, and that's roughly 15 hours in. Not to entirely slander Heroes II though, as I will say they did an excellent job of actually making proper boss characters, and challenge throughout the game. Once more, you can also select any current heroes you have in your party, and virtually play the whole game has just the characters you like. Even if you never touch the rest of the cast they still level along with you, albeit slowly. If you are looking for a warriors like Dragon Quest game in which you beat up a bunch of monsters, Heroes II is certainly the better showcase of the two games we currently have. On top of that, the first Heroes game doesn't need to be played through at all, and any extra fun to be had with the characters that do show up are at least characterized well enough that you don't have to know their original game counter parts to understand them. I don't think there is enough here to really engage anyone new to the franchise, and the lack of a proper couch / online co-op only hinders any possible friends/ lovers from exposing them either. That being said, there are better warrior games out there, and the only true enjoyment I can see this game getting is from fans of the series.

[xiaojuun]

Hello Eri! I DID check out Hello and man!! It's a bop. So maaaaaaybe I'll bite. So can you do me a favor and give me Treasure for the ask game? Even though I'm sure I know an answer or two already. MWAH! Thank you.

best news ever so i am pushing u to the front of the line JKNDGJHB stan treasure for immense pain bc yg is the worst good health !!

treasure [i ult]:

favorite member / bias line: jaehyuk (ult), jihoon (ult), junkyu, and doyoung!

which member I’d fight (& why): junkyu . yes he's in my bias line yes he is infuriating to me JBDHGJBDJS i just think he needs to be kept humble and i am the person for the job . but i love him . also jeongwoo my annoying little brother i'd do anything for him i'd also yell at him for eating my food and using my skincare

favorite song(s): I LOVE YOU, U, come to me, orange, darari, and on the most recent release volkno !! and hello and clap! and thank you -

favorite thing about the group: gawd i'd do anything for these clowns and idek how it happened ... but i feel like anyone who really takes a good look at them just Gets It ... they're so lovable, funny, and genuine. i think their rap line is literally the best 4th gen rap line no contest no question idc. they are heavily involved in making their own music. treasure map is healing. and i really think this team works hard to understand each other and work well together. they've been through a LOT from predebut until now and i'm so proud of them for staying resilient and bringing so much joy to so many people ... and the music is good like ... unarguably . it doesn't have to be your preference, but it's just literally objectively good . JDSGHJBJS

something i’d like to see from them: MORE SCREENTIME FOR JAEHYUK and also i want a full unit album i was really excited to finally get units on this new release but i want wanna one divided style i want golden child game changer style split them all up into units and give me some self-produced bangers . yg you can steal this idea and u don't have to pay me . thank u

send a group !

[kyrodo]

Further analysis on the autism thing, I am most likely not autistic. I am introverted. I do have difficulty starting and maintaining conversations. But I don't necessarily experience extreme interests in anything. I tend to be moderate across the board, I do like games but I often know less than other gamers unless it's the games I've spent the most time and research on. Since I don't really check news.

But most of all I understand people. I am hyper sensitive when it comes to social cues, and I am always watching every action and reaction closely to figure out what someone is thinking and feeling, and I tend to be pretty accurate. While I have trouble with analyzing speech if someone is speaking too quickly and my mind is distracted by something else, like if I have a crush what to say on Twitter, I'm otherwise very good at understanding communication and every bodily and verbal cue that goes into it. Enough that I even understand people that are atypical. Not because I am a psychologist or anything but because I am aware disorders exist and I always try to work around it. I have enternode and vera to thank for that. And a part of my mind is always looking for these signs and trying to show understanding where others would otherwise react.

Like Brownie I noticed he has disorders in his vrc profile and I suddenly understand a lot about his behaviors and sympathize. And I understand Choskey has his own issues he doesn't have a doctor's diagnosis for, but the ones I think he has start with adhd and tourrettes syndrome. He has an unusual amount of procrastination and action paralysis and difficulty focusing. He makes noises that seem involuntary every now and then, making these low grunts that aren't meant to be expressive. And he has a lot of excitable energy that gets released by saying a word aloud several times to me. And I can definitely work with that. Being understanding and receptive of such behaviors is how you become someone's number one. He has also expressed that he knows other people have noticed issues in how he communicates or misses social cues, so Asperger's or a low level of autism is also suspected. I personally have missed social cues on group settings where there's too much to focus on and I'm a bit more trusting than Red is when it comes to people that I don't notice incoming threats. I'm optimistic and hopeful that people aren't planning anything or have malicious intent, and my observational skills when I'm avoiding eye contact with randos is very limited.

It is good for me to have Red protecting and taking care of me, and Choskey to play with and be social with. With both of them I have a much more well rounded relationship that covers all my needs. Choskey is also extremely affectionate which is a huge plus. My heart is swooning so hard because of him and I am experiencing immense happiness.

[nxiousxpsistence]

I don't even remember the story I replied to

I can appreciate how aware you are of your feelings, tho. And I must respect it. I must respect you at all costs. So, I won't say nothing.

But I haven't even had a chance to tell you about how I feel. I haven't even demanded anything from you other than the light flirting we used to enjoy rather openly before we stopped speaking like a year ago.

Assumptions is what I find myself fighting against over and over again and tbh it's boring. You've brooded over a single reply, which I can't really remember the context of. You've brooded over it so intricately that you've come up with a full adult response to something you've built yourself, based on your own assumptions, with practically no input from me.

And I did tell you I was bad at texting. I am.

The excitement I referred to was to give these cutesy funny replies to you which like intersected with online flirting BUT NOT REALLY. Maybe I couldn't gauge what to do bc I never had to keep friendly conversations with someone I had feelings for.

So yeah, I'm my own self-fulfilling prophecy. Just 2 days ago I said it'd be a shame if you didn't see me and now, alas, you don't see me.

I'm not expecting you to have shaped your love exactly as I did but this fear of making mistakes is what I'd been running away from when you were gone. And I think I've managed.

So I'm not going to argue for my position. I'm not going to reassure you about how my feelings are not demanding and I am not demanding and I respect your agency and I can make do with whatever feeling I have in me while you wait. I'm not the safest option, I won't ever be that again.

And why would you ever give me a sentence with "actually you shouldn't get excited about ppl"? Do you know how I experience excitement and where it comes for me? You thought I'd be daydreaming about how perfectly matching our genitalia might be. You thought I was excited about YOU.

Tbh I was high on weed and felt this immense joy with the pretty little feelings for you I've come across in my garden of gardens and just blurted it. I can accept it as a mistake as I didn't consider how you'd feel but this can never give anyone the right to question, nay, create assumptions about how I feel.

Why would you ever say "you shouldn't" to a grown-ass person? Is it really you trying to keep your own life in check or does this come from your fears about what others' feelings can do to you? I'll do as I please and I'll feel as I please, be that with you looking or responding or not.

The word flirting spawned out of your hands, not mine. I can accept I may have overstepped the mark but a simple open conversation about "wait what is this exactly?" would've saved you those nights of brooding and me this confusion. I've learned to lead confusion to further separation and NOT to more emotional space opening up in my already limited acres.

/Your emotional unavailability would get me chasing you more. No more./

Oh, and if you're wondering, the love I feel for you is like a painting you'd see in the corner of my own personal art gallery - a visceral, burning piece of art demanding your attention, drenching it in blood and lace and leather and everything nice when it captures you. The painting will not change when you turn away. The painting will not stop bleeding after you've been able to rescue your attention from captivity. It's just there.

I know it's confusing. I'm confused with it all the time BUT it is what it is and assumptions make an ass of u and me, babe.

It's funny how this time around I still don't understand the dating and flirting game but I'm on my side with it and rather than wavering in my life being guided by whatever feelings I have for anyone, I stand by it.

I shake your tree and all your apples fall.

Say hello to the rug's topography.

[deadcitygazette]

I remember the summer of 2015 very well. I was working at Whole Foods that summer & had good times & good friends there. I remember the day that SCOTUS declared that gay marriage had been legalized at a federal level, thereby allowing millions of gay & lesbian couples to finally be able to get married. It was a wonderful & exciting time to be alive & I will always remember the smiles on everyone's faces. A truly monumental & joyous occasion.

Flash forward to now, the summer of 2023, 8 long years later. The Before Times ended over 3 years ago. Now we no longer talk about LGB, now we only talk about TQIA+. Specifically, we talk about the T. A lot. At least Conservatives are. Especially on Twitter. Except for this time, the latest rainbow campaign isn't promoting sexuality & marriage equality. No, this time they are promoting trangenderism & sex changes for kids.

To be extremely clear, I have been Queer-identifying my whole life. I've identified specifically as gay, bisexual, & pansexual at varying times throughout the 4 decades of my life so far. I also have an affinity for trans women if we're being completely honest here. So I have skin in the game & a right to say something when it comes to LGBTQ issues since I've been Queer longer than a lot of these young people have even been alive.

That being said, although I do support trans people & their rights to live, love, & exist in our society, I have to draw the line at involving kids in such matters. A lot of these surgeries, procedures & treatments provided as a part of gender-affirming care are irreversible & have the potential to sterilize their recipients, as this type of care is still experimental for the most part.

There's also the "social contagion" element to all this. While I believe there is such a thing as a trans kid, I believe that "trans" is also in vogue right now amoungst our nation's youth, especially in the big cities & especially in Blue states like California. So clearly there's a social contagion element where kids just want to be cool, or fit in, or receive special attention. I was a Queer teen once & I remember feeling all that.

So I know that a lot of these so-called trans kids aren't trans at all. 4 out of 5 of them are probably just gay. But an ideology & adults with agendas pressured them into thinking that the only thing that will "fix" them is to change genders. Because then they won't have those "shameful" gay feelings anymore because they'll have transitioned genders to be straight. And that is exactly what has become so chic nowadays amoungst the youngest & most vulnerable in our society.

Bottom line: We simply must do our best to protect our kids & youth from exposure to aggressive ideological movements that seek to indoctrinate the vulnerable with all sorts of extreme ideas about gender, race, sex, sexuality, religion & so on. There are people in this world that want to harm children. They are predators & they must be stopped.

But ultimately, I would have to say that people should be placed before ideology. People matter. Trans lives do matter. Black trans lives do matter. And these are real people who exist & live & breathe the same air as every other American. We must show humanity to our fellow humans.

So I would say the answer is to support transgender adults' rights to make adult decisions about their own bodies but protect "under 18s" from potentially harmful ideologies that can oftentimes confuse & irrevocably change them, oftentimes for the worse.

I don't know how you, the reader, will receive this. Hopefully, you understand that I fully support LGBTQ, especially when it is involving consensual adults & their rights to live & love how they see fit. I'm totally down with all of that as I am a part of the Queer Community myself. And trans men & trans women should be afforded the same rights as everyone else.

But, please leave the kids out of it. Kids are under immense pressure as it is from their own culture & peers. We don't need to be further trying to influence or manipulate them or worse, *groom* them into something they are not. Let gay kids be gay. Just because a boy likes other boys that doesn't necessarily mean he's a girl. Just because a teen girl likes dressing & acting "boyish" doesn't mean she should get her breasts removed at age 15.

Let gay boys just be gay.

Let gay girls just be lesbians.

Let children grow up free from ideological influences of ALL kinds.

We were born this way, remember?

Let humans just be themselves.

Show love.

Fight for equality.

Protect the vulnerable.

Learn to live free of ideologies.

Peace. Love. Tacos.

[beauty-and-passion]

RE: the ask about Patton + Logan + wardrobe changes for S3 - this is something I’ve been struggling to come to terms with since the notion started floating around, but I admit that my reasons are of a superficial, juvenile and shippy nature. I love Logicality, and I always found it cute how Logan and Patton were matching in some ways - glasses, logos, blue colour motifs, plus the fact that Patton’s hoodie was a gift from Logan and became an essential component of his outfit for all of S2. So the idea that all of that will change come the new season is emotionally upsetting for me. I’ve always loved the ‘heart vs. mind’ trope and it’s been hard watching their relationship deteriorate over S2. Their outfits changing feels like a further severing of that bond. Plus I’m not good with change and am ill at ease of lots of things being different come the new season.

But your argument is sound and compelling; I’ve nothing to counter it. I recognize that change is necessary + inevitable, so I’m just going to wait until the episodes come out and acclimate a bit at a time. I just feel very alone in my opinion bc everyone else seems to be fully on-board and excited and accepting and I’m sitting in my corner unable to get on board, and I feel like I’m gonna feel a profound sense of loss/grief when it actually happens. But I know this is a me thing so I just have to suck it up.

Your thoughts are very understandable, because changes are not always easy to face. Their nature implies something will be different from a specific moment in time and that this situation could last forever.

And if sometimes this is good, other times it might be bad - and the mere idea that something bad can happen and change our lives forever... it's not easy to digest.

In addition to that, we humans are not predisposed to accept all changes. We made rules and habits and, once we're accustomed to them, we do not use too many energies to deal with them anymore: things will be like that, so we can focus on something else.

And so, when something comes and undermines our certainties, we don't like it, refuse it or go against it. Like changing rules, changing habits or changing minds.

However, changes are part of every natural process. If there isn't any change, there wouldn't be anything: worms need changes to become butterflies, snakes need to change their entire skin to grow, birds need to fly for kilometers changing their entire environment, in order to survive.

And we need change as well. Without change, there won't be anything: no ideas, no philosophies, no arts, no games, no discoveries. We would live an extremely safe, but immensely still life. We would learn nothing, because we wouldn't have any experience of any kind. And we would be bored to death, because there wouldn't be anything else to enjoy.

My point is: your feelings are very understandable and very human, so don't worry. It's okay. And you have all the time of the world to come in contact, deal and face changes.

Hey, maybe these changes won't be so terrible! Maybe they will bring something new you haven't thought about before. Maybe they can even help you discover something else you like.

And even if they're not as good as you hoped, they will still teach you something about yourself. You will learn something else about what you like to see and what you don't like. They will help you develop a much clearer opinion.

And, in general, facing small changes like these ones will make you stronger for the real big, bad changes life will offer you. In those cases, you won't have all the time to face them - but if you got a thicker skin and "trained" with these smaller changes, the big ones won't caught you completely off guard :)

[kpopmakesmequestionmylifechoices]

Kingdom Round 3, pt. 2: How to discourage idols and kill versatility in K-pop - a guide by "experts".

As in my last post I'll talk about my thoughts on the performances, but mostly I'll question the freaking ranking because wth those experts should really reveal themselves at this point (I'm salty). Anyways, let's get into it.

1. A small "disappointment" and two big surprises.

ATEEZ: Oh guys the beginning made me emotional because it reminded me hardcore of Block B Very Good hahaha. Generally I must say, ATEEZ rearrangements are always good. It just sounded very ATEEZ-ish, and that's cool. I personally prefer the original Rhythm Ta over the rearrangement tho. About the performance, I don't have any criticism I think. I personally found that rope scene a bit strange tho, and overall I just wasn't impressed by that stage. Possibly because nothing can top the Symphony Nr.9 for me hahaha.

BTOB: First of all, SKZ X BTOB interactions are peak comedy I loved this so much. Minhyuk fangirling on SKZ back door stage is me tho. And "Kingdom is 15+ right?" Oh man I love those dudes.

About the concept, totally loved it because it was super fun to watch. I was worried beforehand because I couldn't imagine anyone pulling off SKZ' powerful rap. They didn't tho. They did it their own way and I was surprised. The meaning change to a more uh...mature sorta concept was also quite interesting. The moment Eunkwang knocked and opened the door: chefkiss. Those lyrics? Rude but chefkiss. I in general really liked the rearrangement, but in the end it lost its power a bit. Maybe also because I have the original Back Door burned into my brain and the ending just rocks af. But honestly, my brain also was fried by THIS:

[*my edit/gif - I made a full gifset in that style now]

Stray Kids: I must say, I was a bit scared before because anyone having to do a BTOB cover must have absolutely stable vocals. This was the stage I was most concerned about when I heard about the song choices. Without a reason. Because SKZ absolutely killed it. Sure, I.N didn't hit that note as it was planned but let me tell you, it didn't affect my enjoyment of this stage at all. The stage setting? Fantastic. Changbin's rap sounded as if he's in utter pain and despair, Felix added to that with his hyper low tone part which was ABSOLUTELY cool. This was just great, full of feels, and I have NO criticism, bye.

Recap: When thinking about the past 6 performances, I feel that ATEEZ and iKON did the best job with making the others' song their own. In my eyes, SF9 and TBZ both stayed in their comfort zone with their song choices, while BTOB and SKZ took on the extreme challenge to pick songs that are basically the opposite of what they usually do. As I Iove versatility and surprises, SKZ and BTOB have a special place in my heart with those two stages.

Hence, my personal ranking looks as follows:

1. BTOB & SKZ (tied): For me those were the biggest surprises and caused the biggest enjoyment and entertainment for me. If I HAD TO choose a first place, I'd pick BTOB - because Back Door is one of my FAVOURITE songs of all time, and solely evaluating the songs, I heavily prefer Back Door over I'll be your man. Anyways, with that ranking, SKZ jumped from my personal lowest rank in the first round to my personal highest rank.

2. SF9: After seeing SF9's stage last week, I was sure that I'll have them as #1 in today's post. I loved everything about the performance (besides the weird gun dance sry), and I especially loved how they stepped up their game without making the perfomance too huge and too overwhelming. Nevertheless, due to the fact they stayed pretty close to their usual style, I'll rank them 2nd because I was more impressed by the others' style change.

3. iKON / ATEEZ: The performances were good, but to me personally they were absolutely not memorable. It's a matter of taste after all.

4. TBZ: I know, I again rank them last. And again, no I don't hate them. I simply neither am touched by their stages, nor do I understand their plots. So I once again rank them last. I don't find their performances bad tho, because as all groups, they're doing an amazing job. The stages are simply not my cup of tea.

2. Oh you prove that you're a versatile artist? That must be punished!

↑ That's how I imagine the experts' thoughts. Expert ranking was as follows: ATEEZ / TBZ / iKON / SF9 / BTOB / SKZ.

Okay I must say. Which freaking expert would place SKZ last??? I'm not biased in the slightest, if I'm biased then for SF9 and BTOB, but bruh. SKZ last? That's like, ridiculous. Considering the immense challenge SKZ had from switching from their usual style to freaking I'll be your man?

I don't know man, I can't take this ranking seriously. I really wish we'd know what the criteria is...It's a mystery to me how this could happen. Those boys get punished for stepping out of their comfort zone and doing an amazing job? Literally same story with BTOB. Both groups completely stepped outta their comfort zone and that's what they got for it...Well done, experts, well done. This is how you destroy versatility in K-pop, but sure, go on.

Honestly at this point I hope stays and melodies work together to catapult both groups up in the ranking because this is just utter nonsense...

3. Ya all groups, why don't you support your exchange partners :')))))))

↑ This is me hysterically laughing and crying at the same time at the fact that they don't vote for each other. Groups' ranking was as follows: ATEEZ / SF9 / BTOB / iKON / SKZ / TBZ.

Honestly my only explanation for this result is that the groups don't vote for those people they see as their biggest opponents? It's weird man. I personally for example don't understand why the groups which exchange songs don't vote for each other? None of the performances was bad, and I think it's low-key a matter of respect to give the group you exchanged songs with one of your votes? Because after all they tried their best to present your song in a presentable way even tho it's not their own? Idk man. I don't like this weird feeling of "hostility". But might only be my own feeling idk hahahahaha.

Honestly I wish we'd get to see the groups' evaluation and reasoning behind their choices...

That was it from my side this week...As always, thanks for reading! As for next episode, I'm super excited to see proper interactions and them finally having fun...ouf and after all those years Minhyuk going back to vault jumping I'm hyped hahahah. And now I'll go rewatch SKZ and BTOB lol.

[nebulousfishgills]

My thoughts on the finale (long post)

Okay, I really just wanna put some thoughts down and I need to do it here. Spoilers and opinions, you can choose to agree or not, but please be respectful

I usually try to have a good attitude about things, pointing out the best in everything.

I'm having a really hard time right now.

That's not to say the episode was bad, it's just...

Well, I feel like I'm watching the Game of Thrones finale again. I just feel so unfulfilled. Then again, my hormones are a little out of wack at the moment (thanks mother nature) so my odd feelings could be because of that. I feel so angry and upset and hyped and... I don't honestly know. I really don't. I feel like I want to throw up, but not in a bad or good way.

I guess I just...

Feel.

I've stayed up every night for every episode because I just adored it so much. Yet I feel like... there should be more. I know we got a second season confirmed, but we don't know when. We don't know what it means for the future of the MCU. We don't know anything.

I guess we should have expected this because Loki was supposed to be this new horizon for the MCU. Doctor Strange 2 needed a plot. Someone said this show was just a big ad for MoM, and I find myself disagreeing with that, but only a little.

I think the best way to describe it is it's like the show suddenly decided it wanted to be something else. It's not a bad thing necessarily, but after episode 3, the tone really shifted.

I'm trying really hard to hold off on my more detailed thoughts, but they just keep creeping in, so I'll just wrap up this... intro? Idk.

I think the TLDR is that I feel disappointed, but I don't really blame anyone. Kate Herron, Mike Waldron, they all did AMAZING jobs. They really deserve the highest of praise for this. Is it my favorite MCU project? Yes. Am I excited for season 2? Absolutely.

But Game of Thrones can still be my favorite show and I can still dislike the ending.

I find writing this out is helping me feel better. Once I sleep it'll probably feel less... hopeless.

Now, next section. My thoughts on key plot points.

We all figured Kang would be introduced. I'm actually very excited to see what they do with him. The actor was just phenomenal and I can't wait to see him later on. Someone call up Erik Voss because he redeemed himself after the whole Mephisto deal

I guess the Multiverse was reborn, but not in the way I was expecting/hoping. I feel like there's a large gap between when the timeline shattered and the final scene with Loki, Mobius, and B-15. What happened? Though, I guess it makes sense. We all wanted a multiverse. We never considered the consequences.

I'm angriest about Mobius losing his memories and not getting his jetski. Like I said, Yelena can get a dog in BW after mentioning it once. But as someone on Reddit pointed out, they had to make sure Marvel would greenlight a second season. It does not mean I can't have a huge cow about it. That's what we get for jinxing it, friends.

I think I understand what Star Wars Sequel haters went through. Getting all these grand (maybe... glorious?) ideas about the ending and what a hopeful message about destiny and identity the series could give us. And the series gave us... none of that. Hell, I was so sure these would be used, and I was bamboozled. I'm sure others saw it coming, but they just looked too good to be fake out shots. My best guess is that they're gonna use this footage in season 2 for a plotline and they stuck it in here to trick us... but maybe that's just me being desperate

It was barely 1 AM here, Marvel. The Miss Minutes jumpscare was NOT COOL. I mean, THIS IS HORRIFYING IN LIGHT AS WELL

I'm really confused about Ravonna now. Is she good or is she bad? Where did she go? And why was it important we see her backstory and not any of the others (say, B-15 or Mobius)?

God, okay, I guess I have to address the elephant in the room now.

The Sylki kiss and then betrayal fight thing.

Let me get one thing very extremely clear before I continue: I do prefer Lokius, but I am FINE with Sylki. I think I've just been desensitized to any ship that ends with -cest because, as I've made clear here and in the past, I adore Game of Thrones and Crimson Peak.

I honestly think my main reservation about it is a flaw within myself that I dared not admit until I saw it staring me in the face: I'm probably a little possessive. I can admit this and I really dislike it about myself. But I think I'm just not a fan of Loki having a love interest in general. What makes Lokius different, I have no clue. Maybe deep down I knew Marvel was too much of a pussy to ever make it canon... then again, I was begging for a last minute kiss or something. My feelings on the matter are complicated.

But the way they handled the kiss in this episode? Gotta say, not too much of a fan. I know some antis like this, but it just felt too... not genuine. Maybe I'm just an idiot who thinks all kissing should have a meaning. A purpose. The Reylo kiss in Rise of Skywalker? Ben just saved Rey's fucking life, I think that warrants a large gesture of affection.

But this?

I think I get bad juju from the kiss, not the fact that they made it Canon. You can disagree or agree any way you want, you can even send nasty anon messages. That's my opinion and I'm choosing to stick to it.

And sending nasty anons won't do squat, I don't give a shit about faceless threats and hate.

Anyways, back to my point

The fight felt like a mutual betrayal, but at the same time it felt like neither really wanted to go through with it. I admit I felt Sylvie was more in the right and that Loki seemed a little too complacent, especially after everything he went through and saw. But like Sylvie, I didn't consider the consequences and now everything is fucked. But I still don't think Loki was right.

I think it boils down to being an impossible choice because no matter what you pick, everyone loses.

I believe that my main gripe with Sylvie and Loki's ideology split is that it feels a little too rushed and/or, dare I say it, out of character. I've agreed with Loki's characterization up until this point (again, you can disagree with me, that's your opinion and you have full right to it), but... man, I don't know. It all feels like an impossible situation.

Then again, I'm not the one in the director's chair. I'm not the team in the writers room. I don't know the first thing about making a project like this. I like taking solace in the fact that Tom had some creative control in the series about the character he loves so much. And, let's be real, he knows Loki the best out of all of us. None of us can hold a candle to that.

We can call ourselves experts, but Tom is the real expert. I trust him more than anyone. If he hated how this was turning out, he probably would have said something.

We just have to trust in the creative process

So, at the end of the day, this series was (and still is, remember, season 2 is on the way) absolutely phenomenal and I think it's Marvel's strongest work in a very long time. They know Loki is a character we all love and adore and I feel like they've done their best in honoring that. Besides, what other character is getting a second season? How awesome is that??

I found writing this out helped me process my thoughts and emotions IMMENSELY. I don't feel as... angry? Hopeless? I don't know. I keep comparing this to the end of Game of Thrones, and I feel like that's doing a disservice to Loki. Game of Thrones' ending was just absolute dog shit and there was no chance to redeem it because it was the last season.

Loki has a second season on the way.

It's not over yet.

Nothing is ever final until the universe forces it.

Kang can be stopped

The Multiverse can roam free

Loki can learn to find true happiness

Sylvie can stop running and fighting

Ravonna can redeem herself

The TVA can burn or reform (whichever you choose)

And yes

Mobius can get a jetski

We know nothing yet of season 2, what it will entail, how it connects to the rest of the Marvel Universe, or even when it will be out. But I know that I will eagerly await it when that day comes. I will once again put on a smile. I will wait hours to watch the new episode the moment it drops. I will be excited for it and enjoy it.

Because, at the end of the day, that's all it's about. Telling a story. And, mother of God, Marvel sure is telling a good one.

Until next time, my friends.

For All Time. Always!

-FishGills

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I A THIRSTY INTERLUDE

First time reader click here

Bun Bun at 2:30 AM posting: This is 110% pornography. I wrote that when I was feeling extra thirsty over Tony and his Nano suit so yeah... A bit of choking a bit of mild suit bondage. Daddy kink 👉🏻👈🏻🥺 BDSM themes. Humor & porn. Has minimal correlation with the story and can be read as standalone smut-shot. Inspired by this NSFW tik tok audio (headphones!).

"OH MY GOD, NO! NO, NO, SHIT, FUCK, NO!"

"Princess, what's wrong?" Steve's worried voice rang high in the kitchen, followed by an alarming clattering of the dishes against the sink. "Are you hurt?" He didn't even remark on my use of profanity, which meant I'd startled the Captain for sure. He appeared in the doorway ready to fight, run; his eyes immediately drawn to his shield in the corner.

"Only what's left of my dignity," I sighed.

"Oh, okay," He visibly sagged, tension leaving his voice and his body. "What happened?"

I inhaled several times, feeling heat creep up my neck and blossom on my cheeks. It took a lot, and I mean A LOT, to make me feel embarrassed enough to fumble my words and palm my face but that was exactly what I did. "Well, umm... Tony found a couple of thirst tweets. Mine, from my sophomore year. And uh, retweeted them." I thought I'd cleaned up my social media quite well, actually. My fingers twitched remembering manually sorting through thousands of posts. Apparently, my fingers weren't clever enough.

Steve snorted, evidently having had someone tell him what a thirst tweet was. He, however, did not understand the sheer mortification that I would be subjected to at the hands of Tony. And my classmates. And Peter, oh my God. Natasha and Wanda too, probably. And Loki.

I. Was. Toast.

"How bad was it?" Bucky piped up, finally having dealt with the mini laughter fit.

"Not worse than what you two get up to in the gym when you think nobody is home," I immediately retorted in hopes of avoiding teasing from the metal-armed man. He would take the chance, of course, he would.

"Oof, I'm sorry, doll," Bucky whistled sympathetically. And promptly pulled out his phone, to, what I assumed, see the offending social media posts for himself. I assumed correctly. Bucky was bent over laughing in no time - was it my doing or did Tony's own commentary on them that made the whole situation so hilarious to the gramps on steroids?

"I will light you on fire," I seethed but remained where I was standing. There was no point in doing anything about them now. Screenshots were probably already being saved on everybody's devices.

Steve peeped over his boyfriend's shoulder, chuckling. "You had a crush on Tony? That's embarrassing, doll." He had the audacity to give me an innocent smile before returning to his dishwashing.

"Punk, I don't know if - and I quote: Not to be That Girl™ - it's trademarked, by the way - but Tony Stark could hit it and quit it and I wouldn't even be mad - qualifies as a crush." Bucky pointed out, the sound of his voice being drowned out by Steve's guffaws. "And this one definitely does not qualify for it to be a romantic setting. Listen: I'm not a fucking bottom, okay?.. there are seventeen question marks. But, like, can Tony Stark choke me in one of his Iron Man suits - nine more question marks." Bucky joined his partner's laughter, unable to continue.

I was literally on fire. My face burned, my hands shook. I had the strongest urge to stick my index fingers in my ears and loudly yell "la-la-la" until both fossils ceased to roast me like I was some sort of holiday brisket. "I hate you. I will burn... The heart... Out of you," I seethed.

"O-oh, honey bu-un, da-arling..." I heard Tony's sing-song voice happily calling for me. Too happily. Not good.

I had literal seconds to get myself scarce out of this situation. I'd already avoided the dozen text messages, two calls in hopes the engineer would drop the topic and go back to his Big Bad Science Project. I had underestimated his persistent desire to cause chaos and his terrible, no-good sense of humor.

It was fun and games when we teamed up to prank our friends. I just never expected for the tables to be turned this way, y'know? Betrayal of the highest quality. The turntables had been turned - decidedly NOT in my favor.

In a brief moment of panicked clarity, I opened one of the empty bottom cabinets in the kitchen. It took some uncomfortable folding and maneuvering but I got myself inside and pressed the door shut seconds before his footsteps made the distinctive noise of sneakers on tile.

"Capsicle, Terminator," I heard Tony greet the two laughing supersoldiers. "Have you seen my Princess?"

I melted a little bit at the way Tony called me his, I won't lie.

"Nope," Bucky lied shamelessly.

"She's in the empty cabinet," Steve chuckled at the same time. Top 10 anime betrayals, right there.

"Wow - and I thought we were friends," Tony scoffed, I assumed at Bucky. My body tensed and I prepared to dial-up my puppy eyes to eleven. My hiding spot was wack.

The door was roughly tossed open, my eyes landing on Tony's oil-stained jeans. He crouched down, his brown eyes positively sparkling. The engineer's body radiated smug mischief, fingers twitching in anticipation.

"Sorry, Princess is unavailable right now. May I take a message?" I said, pulling on the cabinet door and fully prepared to slam it shut in his face. I was NOT ready for any more mortification.

Tony's chuckle shook me to the core, louder and ten times more expressive in the cramped, dark space of my temporary lair. "Come on out, baby girl. I didn't peg you for a wallflower."

"Duly noted," I said warily, having been expecting for him to drag me out and carry me to his bedroom, caveman style. I had noticed that my dorky self revved up his gears faster than any stereotypical seductive shit. It was no secret, at least not for us 'vengers, that Tony was a huge dork himself but I guess it takes one to know one.

"So, my suits, huh?" He smirked after a brief moment and just like that, I Did Not Like Where This Was Going. The receding footsteps and quiet snickering only confirmed my suspicions. Tony's form blocked the opening of the cabinet, crowding me even further into the already cramped space.

"Um," I found myself pretty much speechless. Part of me was excited and yearning - of fucking course I was curious if Tony Stark, genius and former playboy, had found a way to incorporate his suits of armor into the bedroom. Daresay, it was the question of the decade, according to Cosmopolitan, GQ, and a whole lot of other large media outlets.

The more sensible part of me screamed shame for that, playing with an essentially massive, powerful destruction machine. Something meant to protect millions of people from bad guys and aliens. It seemed blasphemous to waste such an important thing on scratching a curious itch.

I blinked owlishly, squirming.

"Okay, out you go." Tony's patience had run out and he withdrew himself, promptly standing up.

I heard the tapping of his fingers as I ungracefully stumbled out. He was occupied with his tablet so I turned around to adjust myself and the things on the countertop I had accidentally jostled in my rush to preserve some dignity.

An arm snaked around my waist, cold and unyielding, brushing against my exposed midriff with metal fingertips. Goosebumps followed the touch as I shivered involuntarily, stuttering in my breathing. "Fuck." The sound came out as if it was punched out of my throat with force, breathy.

"What's your safeword?" Tony's neatly groomed beard scratched against my ear. His voice was heavy and his lips were moist.

"Banana," I blurted the first thing that came into my mind. My body was hot and yet, I froze in place. The sheer power that the man behind me contained demanded unyielding obedience. I had no choice but to comply.

"Friday, lock the door. Nobody but me, in and out." Tony growled, pulling my hips into his metal-covered form.

Were we really doing this in the communal kitchen? With Steve and Bucky probably fully aware of what exactly was going on in here? Tony seemed to have zero reservations about that; in fact, I was almost sure he'd orchestrated the whole thing somehow. Steve owed like a dozen favors to the engineer.

The thick of Tony's leg firmly wedged itself between my thighs, spreading them open just enough so I was forced to put a slight arch in my back to keep still, my ass and shoulders firmly pressing against his Iron Man suit. I felt the coldness of the metal through my clothes, heard the hum of the nanobots in my ears.

My blood responded, heartbeat pulsing in my ears in sync with the electrical currents supplying the man behind me with the immense physical power to match his mental one. "Shit," The sound of my voice was faint. His other arm began creeping up my side to my shoulders, making an unmistakable beeline for my neck.

Tony applied firm pressure on it, wrapping the gauntlet carefully - not restricting the airflow, just steering me as he wished. And apparently, he had some very strong ideas about my current predicament: "Got me right where you wanted me?" He asked, low and breathy.

As I attempted to make noise, his hand tightened on my throat. Eyelids involuntarily sliding closed, my lips shook with the force it took me to muster up enough oxygen to hum a sloppy. "Mhm..."

"Can't hear you, baby girl," His cheek rested against mine, scratchy and hot and smelling like iron and gasoline and Tony.

Another shaky breath, I attempted to force the words out - for some reason, Tony's presence commanded me to obey him like never before. I nearly shivered from the sheer aura of power surrounding my man and it was his cue to lessen the careful pressure on my throat - just enough for blood to rapidly rush to my ears, making the world even hazier. "Yeah, Tony," It didn't take me much time to give him the enthusiastic consent he was looking for.

"Uh-uh," Tony tutted cheerfully. His other arm snaked around my waist, dipping lower to play with the hem of my skirt. God bless me for wearing a skirt! The rough pads of his fingertips scratched against the soft, sensitive flesh of my inner thighs. "I think we're past first name basis, baby," The suit retracted, mostly. The nanotech allowed for different parts of it to cover Tony's body in odd places: I felt the gauntlets and the arm braces, as well as part of a chest plate, but waist down my man was wearing simple jeans and tee.

"Uh," My brain supplied unhelpfully, feeling the bulge pressing against my ass. "Daddy?"

"That's my girl," I was rewarded with a groan, so sinful and delicious, falling from his lips straight into my ear. The hand that had gone down south cupped the mound of my pussy with a tender gesture. "Or Iron Man's?" He teased, grinding into me from behind.

"Yours," I keened obediently, my body seeming to find it impossible to decide between rubbing myself on his hand and his cock. It was a hard choice - pun absolutely intended. I was long uncomfortable in my panties and Tony's clever digits surely felt it, yet he made no further moves. "Daddy," I tried to put how much I ached for him into words.

Tony hummed, placing his wet mouth on the juncture of my neck for a moment. His hot breath seared my skin. The curious fingers finally, finally, reached the apex of my thighs. "Fuckin' shit, baby, you're..." He didn't bother finishing the sentence, speaking with his actions instead, scissoring his fingers between my labia, running the knuckles over my clit.

Just to feel me pant and shiver. I was sensitive and so aroused it was nearly unbearable. Tony always made me feel some type of way and, once again, my man had outdone himself. There was no shame left in me as I shifted my hips to the rhythm of his hand.

"Please?" I asked him prettily, knowingly that one little word would get me everything I wanted. A hard fucking, a new dress, a car, or, Hell, my own private island. My eyes were pretty when I begged, he had said. I would move the world for you, he had meant.

"Baby," The whisper was rushed as Tony turned me around and claimed my lips, hoisting my ass onto the marble countertop of the common kitchens. My legs wrapped around his hips, seeking the warmth and relief of his skin on mine. I wanted him inside of me, inconvenient location and two layers of clothing be damned. I wanted to bury myself in him until either of us couldn't tell who started and ended where.

"Daddy," I whispered into the thin line of his mouth, conveying my all-consuming need in a single word.

My skirt was hiked up in a second, the gauntlets of his suit still on his hands tearing my pants in a single clean motion. Eagerly, I scooted forward to pop the button on his jeans; grateful for the fact more often than not, Tony choose to forgo the belt whatsoever when working in the lab. Today was my lucky day.

His cock, red and thick and hard enough to pound nails with, weighed my hand down for barely a second beforehand Tony's gauntlets closed around both of my wrists, securing them to my chest. His other arm swiftly wrapped around me, pulling me close to him, as close as we could be together without sharing a single body. The blunt tip of his manhood stood at my entrance - not just teasing it but seeking permission.

One keen that seemed to come from deep insight my chest and I felt Tony's breath hitch as our sensitive flesh met; he filled me up at least as superbly as I hugged him. We shared a moan and a breath, just feeling each other, feeling the moment.

We were short on patience. Tony's hand slid onto the small of my back, urging our hips to meet each other, setting a punishing pace from the very start.

"Fuck, Daddy, oh God," I panted. I wasn't used to getting things started with so little prep.

"Baby," Tony rumbled, trying for stern, having it come out as breathless as I felt. "Shit, so fuckin' tight," His words garbled.

The sound of flesh slapping flesh was loud, perhaps, loud enough for certain enhanced folk to hear should they happen to pass the kitchen doors - and if that didn't make my insides clench in the most delectable ways.

Tony grunted in response, a lewd noise adding to the cacophony. "Gonna come?" His teeth caught my bottom lip, pulling it slightly. "For Daddy?" He asked, all traces of his usual cockiness gone, as he pulled away slightly to stare right in my wide eyes with his baby doe browns, equally blown with lust and longing.

Neither of us would last. "Yes, fuck, Daddy, please," I begged.

His hips angled just right, Tony continued mercilessly railing me, holding up my weak body between his arms. I felt the cold metal of the gauntlets through my shirt. The shivers ran across my skin in heaps, like busy little ants.

"Come for Daddy," Tony ordered, yanking me closer to hit that sweet spot deep inside of me. I couldn't resist the command, feeling the waves build up with every brutal stroke, clenching, muffling the screaming of my release in the crook of his neck, relishing in the growl that left his lips as he followed me, releasing my arms and folding his torso over mine. "Fuck," Was the only coherent word that left Tony's mouth, his seed creating a sticky mess between our legs.

"Yeah," I moaned, unwilling to part from him. It was intense. My world was spinning on its axis and my Tony was the center of it. He said something again, something soft and quiet, and my only concern was to rub my nose on his pulse point, to savor and remember the smell of our shared pleasure.

"Baby..." Tony sounded... Concerned. He withdrew slowly, frowning at my sleepy state. His frown only intensified when I absentmindedly rubbed my wrists - there were bound to be some marks left from the force of his grip. It was hot and it was... A surefire way to tell the suits weren't really adapted for bedroom games. Kitchen games.

"Daddy," I mumbled, sounding sad and pathetic to my own ears. I kind of wanted to cuddle and watch a movie but it seemed weird asking that from Tony since we've done crazier things and I had never felt like this, never got this greedy.

"Oh, baby, c'mere," He had come to some sort of conclusion. After re-doing his pants and picking up the scraps of fabric that used to be my panties, his arms made a comfortable nest. I was picked up without any troubles; the gauntlets had disappeared, too, into the thin golden bracelets around his wrists. I allowed myself to play with them, the shiny colors doing a good job of distracting me all throughout the brisk walk through the main living room and the swift elevator ride.

Tony's bed was messy, unmade and smelled like us - just the way I had left it that morning. Tony's hands were gentle as he stripped me and then swiftly chucked his own clothes.

"Watcha' doin'?" I asked as he wrapped his body around mine.

"Shh, we'll talk later," He murmured, looking slightly dazed himself. "Friday, put Stardust on the TV. 25% volume," As soon as the command was spoken, one of my comfort movies began playing on the large screen. Tony's hand kept stroking my hair and I didn't resist the temptation to close my eyes, settling into a peaceful lull atop the glowing white-blue of Tony's arc reactor.

My favorite color in the world, to be honest. It felt like I'd slept for ages when I opened my eyes to see the color again. "Um, hi," I supplied meekly, feeling way out of my depths from my own strange behavior.

"Mornin', Princess," Tony seemed joyful, the bags under his eyes a little less prominent than before.

I made moves to get out of the bed but he wrapped an arm around me, tugging me closer. "What do you know about sub drop?" He questioned me, in response to my vaguely confused noises.

That's what it was?!

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