#i am still surprised when people are nice to me!!

[jimblejamblewritings]

love letters and second sons | part 4.

Summary: The princess is finally ready to debut in society. But before she does, she decides to disguise herself and see the true faces of the ton.

Warnings for the Series: light sexism in line with the times, light classism in line with the times, mental health stigma, shitty doctor care, smut, suicide attempt (will get it's own warning when the time comes)

Warnings for this part: smut

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x princess!reader

Word Count: 4.7k

Previous Part | Series Masterlist

The cloak wrapped around you felt like velvet. The softness between your fingers calmed you down significantly. Reynolds grabbed your hand after the fifth time you balled it up in your skirts. You looked up to see your three valets trying to hide the concern on their faces. You could have an incident or get caught or both. None of those three options were ideal or even good. 

“Do I look decent?” you asked as the carriage got closer and closer to the party. 

“You look perfect.” 

“Maybe I shouldn’t wear the mask?” 

“You don’t have to but keep it on you.” 

You agreed, exiting the carriage with a letter from the princess version of you — complete with a wax seal — that was basically a pass to enter any establishment no matter what. Spotting Penelope and Colin out of the corner of your eye, you breathed out a sigh of relief and ran over to them. Both of them wore wide smiles at your surprise arrival. They had been expecting a letter or something to signal your arrival back from Ireland. 

You were sad to hear about Marina not joining you all for this evening. It would have been nice to know her more than a little bit in between the courting of suitors. But there would be more times to meet and catch up later. Plus, hearing your friends’ stories of their daily lives proved to be a good enough distraction. You let them go after a while so Colin could escort Penelope to the dance floor like he promised to do after a run in with Cressida Cowper. 

Looking around, you failed to immediately locate the rest of the Bridgerton children. You grabbed a drink from the lemonade table and began to wander. The alcohol had looked appealing but you had never drank, afraid of the consequences if drink mixed with your illness. Someday you’d try some but not after an episode. Never right after one. 

On the outskirts of the party, still close enough to hear the music, you ran into Benedict. He gave you a smile and the same surprised look on his face as Penelope and Colin. You leaned in closer to hear him over the deafening melodies of the orchestra. Small talk that was mainly about your fictitious trip made up the first half of your conversation. After a while, you grew comfortable with each other as if you never left. 

“The lights are beautiful,” he commented, staring at the small lantern display that a scientist presented. 

You nodded. “We have some at the palace. They add more day by day but it would be nice if all of London, maybe all of the world, had these little lights. How has your art been?” 

“Not terribly well. Nothing seems to be good enough.” 

“Well, what are you drawing?” 

“Still life. I can’t expect my free drawings to be good if I can’t depict what is right in front of me.” 

“You are too hard on yourself, Benedict seriously,” you argued when he scoffed. “Sometimes we have a problem seeing our own greatness. You ju—” 

“Would you ever consider marriage to someone, me, perhaps?” 

You choked on your lemonade. “Pardon?” 

“Apologies.” He finally turned to look at you. “With Daphne out in society, people have started looking at Anthony and because my dear brother does not care to at least pretend to be a proper viscount, they have started to look at me. Ravenous mamas are eyeing me and it must be a matter of time before they talk to me.” 

You laughed. “You still call me Miss Keaton yet you want me to help you through a marriage?” 

“Wait, what is your name, actually? If you are to continue being a friend of the family then I am at liberty to refer to you by first name.” 

“Bergamot. My parents were a bit too keen on gardens.” 

“That is a lovely name.” 

“Thank you… I still won’t marry you.”

Benedict scrunched up his face as he bent over to try and plead with you. “Please! I can’t be out here with the wolves.” 

You patted him on the shoulder. “Your whining, no matter how pathetic and cute, will not work. I will see you tomorrow, alright.” 

He muttered something that you didn’t hear while you took off into the gardens for a stroll. You’d have to leave soon, pressing your luck wasn’t the way to go. You put your cloak back on and closed it to hide your dress completely as you finally put your mask on. The gardens at night were very beautiful. Perhaps because you were alone. 

You chuckled at the thought of your interaction with Benedict. Even if it happened only a few moments ago, it was hysterical. It was only funnier because you were sure that when you finally introduced yourself to society, you’d get even stranger proposals. Only they wouldn’t be to avoid hungry mamas. And they wouldn’t be coming from one of your friends. 

Hopefully, they wouldn’t be too upset with you. Hyacinth would never but she was more like a little sister than a friend. Benedict would think the whole situation is funny, hopefully. Daphne might as well. Eloise and Penelope could go either way. Anthony would probably be mad that you let him attempt to woo the princess when you knew the truth which would make Colin and Gregory and Francesca mad at you as well. But maybe it would be fine after you explained everything. 

The sound of voices caught your attention. Spying was wrong but you couldn’t help yourself. You started to walk into the hedges, ignoring the twigs catching everywhere. The view wasn’t the best but you could see well enough. What could be a scandal between Daphne Bridgerton and Nigel Berbrooke seemed to be a very different scene to you because you knew the man from her letters. You tightened the mask around you just in case you needed to leave the bushes. 

Nigel kept coming close to Daphne. You began to run when he grabbed her, thinking of how to protect your friend. You’d have to hit him. That was the only option. There was nothing else you could do about it… You paused as Daphne pulled her hand back. There was Nigel Berbrooke on the ground. After being punched. 

You and Daphne looked up from Nigel to see the Duke of Hastings running into the garden clearing as well. The two of them seemed to realize that you were the princess and you were in the garden with them having witnessed everything. They bowed to you deeply, something you returned. 

“I will survey the area. If I do not return then you two may safely leave the garden.” 

“Thank you, Your Highness.” 

“It is no trouble really. I am so sorry for your distress, Miss Bridgerton, and I do hope your hand feels better in the morning.”  

You did a thorough check of the area to make sure that Daphne wasn’t compromised before fleeing to your carriage before anyone could spot the mask. Assuring your valets nothing went wrong, you closed the carriage door and let it drive back to Kew. 

“Thank you,” you said as you took off your mask and cloak and opened the carriage window since it was night. 

“For what?” 

“For making me go out tonight. I did need it. I feel better, immensely.” 

“That is good. We are glad to hear it. Will you be going out again tomorrow?” 

“Just to the Bridgertons.” 

“Oh, to home then.” 

You rolled your eyes but didn’t argue because they were right. Being at the Bridgertons felt like home more than your own at times. Maybe because your mother and father were the only ones who even tried to be a proper family. But there was no trying with the Bridgertons. They just were family. 

That much was true when you walked into the house a lot later than the early morning to see everyone but Eloise in the drawing room, talking about Daphne and the Duke. You said hello, greeted by hugs from everyone who didn’t see you yesterday. You took the plate of toast from Violet, who was trying to get her daughter to eat, and shoved the bread under Daphne’s nose. She took a bite before actually grabbing it from you. Relieved of your mother bird duties, you plopped down on the couch in between Benedict and Colin. 

“What are your plans for today?” 

“Fencing and then a gentlemen’s club and then preparing for a party tomorrow and, dreadfully, a picnic the next day,” Colin said as he handed you a chocolate from the box on the side table. 

“May I watch?” 

“Of course. A beautiful lady will only encourage us.” 

“Since when did you learn to be a flirt?” 

He just shrugged, sitting back to listen to Daphne play the pianoforte and tease her about the duke. You clapped at the end of her piece and requested a second one that she obliged. Daphne would have to play at the palace some time or at least at Kew. She sounded lovely. Closing your eyes, you just listened for a moment. 

“How does a lady come to be with child?” 

Your eyes flew open to see Eloise standing in front of everyone. Violet jumped up from her brief moment of sitting on the couch across from you. 

“Eloise, what a question!” 

“I thought marriage was a requirement.” 

Daphne tilted her head. “What?” 

“Apparently, it’s not even a requirement.” 

“Eloise.” 

“Mama, the princess did say all young women nearing their debut should learn.” 

Violet stuttered as she took the tray of food out of the room, forcing Hyacinth and Gregory to go with her, stating she’d be back in a moment she just needed some water. She turned back for a moment. 

“Daphne, dear, do go on. I’d like to hear some calming music when we return.” 

Eloise trudged over to the couch, sitting on the other side of Benedict. She smacked her brothers’ knees but neither one of them wanted to answer her directly. Colin turned his head. 

“Have you ever visited a farm, El?” 

You laughed as Benedict smacked the back of Colin’s head but stopped when Eloise slumped down in her seat. You tapped her on the shoulder, making her perk up again. Your hand rested on Benedict’s thigh so you could prop yourself up as you leaned over him.

Covering your mouth and Eloise’s ear, you began whispering to your friend everything you thought she needed to know about sex. Unable to help himself, Benedict leaned in to spy, surprised that your information was actually correct. You weren’t lying, the Princess’ court really taught all the valets everything. Eloise sat back, finally satisfied and a lot less worried about a spontaneous pregnancy. Until she became curious again. 

“But why would anyone want to initiate it? Who wants to be with child?” 

You leaned over once again. “No one wants to be with child. Even those who want children. It’s about the pleasure. Sometimes the pleasure of actually liking someone and other times the pleasure being about nothing but you.” 

“What?” 

“The… think about when you start breathing a bit heavier, feeling warm when you touch each other, a… I’ll tell you the rest when your brothers aren’t here. It is a bit awkward. Oh, I’ll even draw you pictures. Only a certain amount of posit— mov— steps are important. The rest you should figure out with your husband.” 

“So you do truly know what you’re talking about?” Benedict interrupted the nearly finished meeting. 

“Did you doubt me?” 

“A bit,” he admitted. 

You sat back down. “Men aren’t the only ones that know what they are talking about.” 

“Sorry to offend.” 

“No offense. None at all. I expect even the kindest and smartest and prudest of men to think such things.” 

“Well, I am still sorry. If not because of offense then because of my ignorance.”

You squeezed his thigh in appreciation. Benedict laid his hand on top of yours. The two of you stayed like that for a moment until his hand held onto yours a bit tighter. He turned to look at you. There was an understanding shared between your eyes. There was no breathing heavy or loving eyes. It was for both of you but in purely selfish pleasurable ways. 

“Are you coming to watch our fencing match?” Benedict asked.

“Yes.” At that he moved your hand closer to his private. “A bit after the calling hour starts. I like to watch the men make fools of themselves.” 

“I am not surprised by that at all.” 

“Shall we wait for you?” 

You closed the gap and placed your hand over the top of Benedict’s pants. “No. You may start without me and I’ll just come when I find the time.” 

“Okay. We’ll play again soon, maybe even another game today. So don’t be too bothered if you miss us playing for your calling hour.” 

Giving an experimental squeeze, you watched the man next to you nod ever so slightly and swallow his spit before moving your hand himself. You both relaxed into the couch completely, satisfied with your understanding. The two men left when Violet came back — it was fairly obvious that calling hour was about to start. The calling hour was several hours but at some point you had just dropped the s and you weren’t sure why. 

You thought it would be only one or two men but the duke seemed to have lit a fire under the other men’s feet. The line became rather long rather quickly. You were happy for Daphne. The more men the better. Maybe she could get a love match.

You took the last bouquet of flowers for Daphne, thanked Lord Colfield, and went to go put the flowers in a vase on the fireplace mantle. You were about to tell Daphne that you were leaving to see her brothers’ fencing match when Anthony came storming in. A gasp escaped you when Nigel Berbrooke came up behind. You were completely over this little man and his obsession. 

Without thinking, you approached Anthony. “What do you think you ar— Anthony, you and Nigel need to either leave the drawing room as this is your sister’s calling hour or wait in line if he is here to call? These lords and gentlemen have waited a great deal to talk to her and they are very patient. It is not right nor just nor of any class to disrespect the patience they have shown.” 

“Nigel?” Berbrooke scoffed. “Who do think yo—” 

“The Young Princess’ valet. She’s become a family friend,” Anthony cut Nigel off. 

At least Berbrooke had the decency to be surprised and then give you a bow. Their tunes towards you changed completely as they almost looked like they were going to wait their turn or just leave. Nigel smiled. 

“Callers were unexpected as we have already been talking extensively.” 

“Lord Berbrooke is the only man who proposed and therefore the only person I consider.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” You looked at Anthony.

“He is the on—” 

“Everyone! I am very sorry but you must leave. Miss Bridgerton’s calling hour is currently closed. Please leave your name with Heroldt, starting with the order you have been waiting, and two days from now we will continue.” You turned to Anthony as everyone filed out without complaint since they thought the princess was the reason for calling hour being over. “There. Now, Lord Berbrooke, I must speak with the Bridgertons alone. I hope that speech staved off the wolves for you if only for two days while matters are discussed.” 

“Thank you, Lady…” 

“Miss Keaton,” Anthony answered. “Thank you, Bergamot. Lord Berbrooke, do you need me to escort you?” 

“No, no. You have business. I can find the front door on my own.” 

The moment he left, you, Daphne, and Violet descended on Anthony. Every word that came out of Anthony’s mouth made you scoff. Violet looked between all three of you, very upset. Anthony was ruining both Daphne’s prospects as well as his own prospects with the princess. And you were there to witness it all.

You backed Daphne on everything. Even if she was wrong, Nigel was a foul man that you would never allow to marry. You approached Anthony, speaking lowly although your friend and her mother could still hear it. 

“I hope you survive whatever poison you are drinking. Whether the Duke is a serious man or not, there are plenty of serious men here. You will not sign away your sister to such a foul man that you barely know as well and pretend it is in her best interest. And you will not expect her to be understanding or appreciative when you don’t care an ounce for your sister’s happiness. And you still wish to draw up a marriage contract? Please, just think for a moment… Good day, Viscount Bridgerton.” 

You stormed out of the drawing room and straight into the backyard where Colin and Benedict were handing their fencing gear back to a servant. They noticed the furrow in your brow. Benedict clicked his tongue. 

“I will find out what is wrong. You, brother, instruct the kitchen to leave something out for us. If there is crying then we will be long.” 

Benedict practically dragged you to the far side of the backyard. He knew no one would think anything of it when you were very angry about something Anthony did — that part was loud enough for everyone to hear. He looked at you when the two of you finally stopped. 

“Was that a ploy to get away? Or are you genuinely mad at my brother?” 

“I don’t want to talk about why I’m mad at Anthony. There’s nothing you can do anyway. Not without a good scandal… Sorry, I came out here for a fencing match. Let us focus on it. On you.” 

He took your hand again, placing it over his trousers. You began to rub it back and forth, the fabric between you guys creating friction. You reached into his pants and pulled out his cock, stroking it a bit more freely. Benedict pulled you closer. His hand reached around your ass to squeeze it.

Every time you stroked him closer to finishing he would squeeze harder than before. You watched his face the entire time. If you got back exactly what you were giving him then you would be a very happy woman. It was truly going to be about selfish pleasure for both of you. 

You gasped when he all but ripped the top part of the dress as he tried to push it all down to expose your breasts. He wanted something else to stare at that would get him off even quicker. You tried to stifle any moans threatening to escape your lips as he groped you — some of the marks so hard you were sure they would be a bit red until tomorrow. This was his turn. Yours would be later. If you both tried to get pleasure at the same time... Well, that's how people fall in love. The two of you weren't stupid to test that.

Benedict moaned and for a moment both of you were worried someone would come see what was the matter. He laughed underneath your hand covering his mouth. 

A shudder went through him and he grabbed your wrist. “I’m going to come. I-if you let g-go… just in m-my britches.” 

You dropped to your knees, shocking your friend. He grabbed your head with one hand while he bit down on the other until he finished. A very gentle touch lifted you up. He wiped stray bits of lipstick from around your mouth, wiping the evidence away on the inside of his vest. 

“I have to say I did not expect you to sit down for the last round of fencing. We were done anyway.” 

“Well, I wanted to help put up the equipment so we could all relax later. Plus, if the princess does choose to invite you all to Kew then I would like you to help put up the equipment there too.” 

Benedict laughed. 

“I promise whether I win or lose. The next time we have a round of fencing, I will put up the equipment. All of it.”

He leaned down to whisper.

“Even if you are not a lover, I would never have you on the ground, sullying your pretty gowns and body..." He squeezed your breasts one last time before helping pull your dress back up. "with grass and dirt stains. I promise I’ll bring you your pleasure next time we are inside and alone. I will leave first and retire to my room. You stay out here and eat the sandwiches the cook left. I won’t be able to return for at least an hour.” 

“Okay. I have to go see the Featheringtons and Miss Thompson anyway.” 

You did just as Benedict suggested and no one even gave you a suspicious look. You took your own sweet time going across the street. You had moved the physician and all of Wednesdays special tutors to Tuesdays so you would have more time in the city. Despite not wanting any visitors, you were the obvious exception and could go upstairs to see Marina. She looked up from her writing desk when Penelope announced she was coming with a visitor. 

The three of you gathered on the bed to share a plate of sweets. You mainly listened to Marina and Penelope, not having much to add. You wanted to figure out a way to help her. Trying to meddle in daily affairs and save the lives of one subject at a time seemed almost ridiculous. But, that was what you should do as a royal. 

“Did you say Spain?” 

“Yes. That’s where all of George’s letters are coming from at the moment. They all say Spain.”

“If you ever need a letter to Spain or to anywhere else they send Sir George, just let me know. The princess wants to help her subjects, especially women, so give me a letter and I’ll give it to her. Whenever you need.” 

Marina flung herself at you. “Thank you. If there shall ever be a problem, I promise I will say such.” 

“Oh, the princess is going back to the palace for a few weeks because of something important so I won’t be so available for a little bit.” 

“What will she be there for?” 

“You will find out when it happens.” 

The two of them giggled. “You are so mysterious.” 

~~

You were tired after an exhausting day but a letter you received from a footman that same day made you get up. Anthony had given you a key to the front and back garden gates as well as the back door that led into the kitchen. You entered through the backyard so you could actually get inside the house without waking the entire house with your knocking. You only needed Violet and Daphne. And you had a letter to leave just in case you couldn’t wake a single person. 

Voices made you pause. You recognized Eloise and Benedict talking. Instead of going any further, you just listened. Eloise — like so many other women — wanted better for herself. It had never been a question of something you would plead to your brother… You sighed. You knew your brother. It was time to stop thinking of him as the heir. There was a reason everyone was going to support Younger Charlotte’s claim over her father. And Young Charlotte listened to you. She planned on making you her advisor. There would be no pleading. You would make better laws for women. 

You didn’t want to disturb them too much so you flung the letter at Benedict’s head. Running as fast as you could, you ignored their confused calling out for you once they recognized the letter coming from the princess. Hopefully, Benedict or Eloise would get the letter to their mother before Nigel could come back. 

Dear Dowager Viscountess, 

I am nothing but my mother’s daughter and therefore it is, in fact, my job to meddle in the lives of our precious subjects for a better and more peaceful United Kingdom. Miss Keaton has told me much of your troubles in regards to a man called Lord Nigel Berbrooke. I don’t have much information on him but I do have a request that I would ask you to aid your princess in. 

I recall an acquaintance of his. A maid. She used to work at the palace but asked for a job in the ton so she could be closer to her aging parents. I believe she was employed by a neighbor of the Berbrookes? Or a friend? Or maybe them, who knows. She was supposed to come back two years after they died but has yet to return. Nigel or one of his neighbors must know. Or perhaps, his mother, she’s very close to the maids. Knows every single one of them by name. I care terribly for this maid and would like her working back at the palace.  

Please meet with his mother. She loves crumpets with any sort of preserves or a chocolate dipping sauce. It was all she wanted when she requested a meeting with my second brother. 

That is all I have to say. I do look forward to seeing your family properly. 

Yours Truly, 

Princess Y/N Kew 

P.S. Please tell Anthony that it took him long enough but I am proud he finally came to his senses. If only he can learn to listen to a woman first then he might have less problems.

You smiled to yourself as you sat in the kitchens. The staff couldn’t stop talking about Nigel Berbrooke’s bastard that he doesn’t take care of and the mother he sent away before she even gave birth. You would feel bad but you had a very personal and up-close view of the man’s real personality. The morning only got better when Brimsley and Reynolds came in with Lady Whistledown’s Society Papers. It was on the front page of the pamphlets. Absolutely worth paying the two pounds per pamphlet for everyone in the Kew household. 

“Do you think he’ll ever show his face again?” 

“No,” the cook said as she handed you your breakfast. “You did a good thing for Miss Bridgerton, Your Grace.” 

“Your Grace?” 

“It is just a title we are trying out.” 

You hummed suspiciously. The cook ignored you. 

“You better pack if you don’t want to be late for the carriage coming today.” 

You nearly forgot. The reason you couldn’t hang out with the Featheringtons and the Bridgertons arrived. Your cousin Friedrich, the prince of Prussia, was coming for a visit. He agreed to marry a British girl to strengthen the alliances and prove that Prussia and Britain were still close family. It was neither a complete truth or a complete lie. The entire family was not close. But you, your cousin, your father, your mother, and your aunt were very close. 

Sneaking out wasn’t an option. You thought that much as the carriage neared Buckingham. It had been a while since you snuck out the palace — a completely different thing from simply leaving Kew. Pandora, Brimsley, or Reynolds would sneak you your letters and you would be satisfied. Besides, even though your family was coming for an indefinite amount of time, you only had to stay a week or to. 

The carriage hadn’t even stopped completely before you ran to hug your cousin. It had been years since you last saw each other. You could hear your mothers laughing in the background. They left to have tea inside while the two of you stayed out. 

Friedrich took your hand in the crook of his arm. “Come, cousin, let us take a promenade. Have you been well?” 

“I have been better. However, I am doing well.” 

“And your illness?” 

“Not better. But I haven’t had an episode that I couldn't recover from on my own.” 

“That is good. I suppose that is the best we can ask for. Especially since I have a surprise for you.” 

“A surprise?” 

“I asked Aunt Charlotte and she agreed to let the princess accompany me to events as she knows the ton better than the both of us. You have to wear your mask but it is still a good deal.” 

“It is a wonderful deal.”

“Good. The first event is a ball tonight.” 

“Tonight?! But I’m not prepared.” 

“I’ve already had everything arranged.” 

“You planned this?” 

“I figured it would do you good to get some fresh air and get out of the palace… or Kew, now.” 

“Thank you, Friedrich. Seriously, thank you.”

(part 5)

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[calaisreno]

Bottles

Note: I have two stories today because I couldn't make up my mind.

This one is sad (alcoholism, Sad John, Not Dead Sherlock, reunion, reconciliation, rehab. No MCD). The next one (Imagine) is much happier.

887 words / Prompt: Empty

He’s forgotten where he lives. 

He hasn’t forgotten the little house in Clapham where his bed is, but as usual, his feet have taken him to Baker Street. That only happens when he’s been drinking. Well, it happens all the time these days. 

Pockets, pockets. He still has a key, but he can’t find it. 

“Lost it,” he says to himself. This seems true, and certainly describes his entire life these days. Since. After. 

Lost it. He’s lost it.

It’s cold, almost November. Maybe it is November. If he closes his eyes— he does— he remembers another November. Back. Before. 

Maybe he doesn’t have a bed now. He doesn’t have a job, so it’s quite possible that the house he remembers, the one with the bed and his clothes and a telly that doesn’t work, maybe that’s gone too. All his stuff, gone. 

Sherlock gone. 

He’ll cry if he thinks about that. 

He’s already is crying. 

The ground is suddenly closer than he thought. That’s because he’s sitting on the kerb outside 221B Baker Street. His face is wet and the ground is cold and he doesn’t have a place to sleep and all his stuff is gone. 

“Why did you die?” If he were sober, he’d just ask inside of his head, and the Sherlock that lives there would say something cryptic. 

You’re worried they’re right.

Heroes don’t exist.

Alone protects me.

It’s my note.

Mind Palace Sherlock. No, John has never had a Mind Palace. Nothing so grand. He doesn’t have a palace, not even one tiny bedsit now. 

If he went home, if he had a home, he could sit in his chair and close his eyes and pretend Sherlock didn’t die. 

He pulls the bottle out of his pocket. Nearly empty. He could drink it all in one swallow. 

No, he already has. 

The bottle clinks on the pavement. He tries to be careful when he puts them in the recycling bin, not let them clink against one another. That sound bothers him, shames him that there are so many. 

Ashamed, he sits on the kerb, his feet in the road. Maybe he should just lie down in the road. Nobody would be surprised if he died that way. Better than a bullet. Better than drinking himself to death. 

Rising to his feet, he sways. It’s a bad idea, standing up, but he wants to lie in the middle of the road and go to sleep. And never wake up. 

He grasps at the air, trying to regain his balance, and finds he’s leaning against a car. A black car. The door opens and someone gets out. 

Well, this will be embarrassing. For both of us.

Mycroft doesn’t pick up drunks. When necessary, he has people who do that for him. People who do his dirty work, clean up the vomit and wipe the blood off the upholstery. 

No, they’re not getting into the car. The dirty work bloke is carrying him towards the door.  And there’s Mycroft with the key, opening it. 

“I’ve got you, John,” the dirty work bloke says. “You’re okay. You’re fine.”

He smells so familiar. That coat. “Sherlock,” he whispers. “Don’t be dead.”

He’s floating up. Up, up. It feels nice. The way home used to feel.

So gently, he’s laid down in a bed. A hand strokes his hair. “John.”

He’s crying. “Stop being dead.”

“Hush, John. I’m not dead. Remember? I came back.”

“But… but.” He’s not in the street. Clue: no cars. Soft. Warm. Ah, bed. 

Someone is putting a pillow behind his head. It’s nice. 

“John, sit up and have some water.”

“I got married,” he announces. “Did I get married?”

“You did.” 

It’s the voice he remembers, the one that gives him shivers. “Am I dead?”

“No, you’re not.” A hand on his hair. “Hush, you’re safe. Rest now.”

In the other room, they’re talking softly to one another. 

“How many times, Sherlock? He needs medical care. Rehab.”

“No, Mycroft. No hospitals. I’ll take care of him. Molly’s got Rosie for now, and Harry’s coming tomorrow.”

“Don’t be selfish, Sherlock. Are you sure this is what he’d want?”

Their voices are quieter now, further away. 

“I have to fix this. I want to.”

“Well, then. I’ll leave you to it. Call me.”

In the silence, he drifts. He and Sherlock were in a pub, he thinks. 

No, they were playing a game. I’m you, aren’t I?

He’s chasing a hound through the mist…

Sherlock is standing on the roof...

A gunshot, and he runs… don’t be dead…

Stay with me…

Goodbye, John…

He sobs. “Why are you still dead? I asked you to come back.”

He feels himself gathered into strong arms. “I heard you. I’m here.”

“Every time you say that, you leave me. Every time, you’re dead.”

He touches the face he loves. His fingers come away wet. Sherlock is crying. 

“Please, John. You have to stop this. Stay with me, please.”

I’m not the one who leaves, he thinks. I’m the one who’s alone.

“All right.” Sighing, he leans into the vision. They’re standing under a starry sky, and it’s beautiful. Sherlock is beautiful. 

“I love you,” he says, smiling up at him. “Always meant to say. I love you.”

Sherlock kisses him “I love you too. Stay with me.”

--

Please read the next one too! Imagine. A 1024-word fixit for Series 3-4.

[samgirl98]

Mending a Family 38/?

Prev | Next

Jason’s guilt grew as he entered his newly restored Mustang.

He had finished fixing her up that day and had been excited to take his little family around the village.

And he had. He had put Danny in a booster seat and Ellie in a car seat and taken a drive with Jazz in the passenger seat. They made it a family day, ate out, sang out of tune with whatever song came on the radio, and had a good time.

Then, they got home, Danny fell asleep, and Jason started feeling down.

He had no idea why he had bouts of depression, but they were starting to become annoying. Well, they would be if he had the space to feel annoyed.

Jason rubbed his chest. It hurt as if someone was squeezing his heart.

Jason turned on the car and felt the soft purr. He stayed in the car, not daring to move. Why couldn’t he feel happy all the time? Why was he thinking about his old family so much? Every time he felt miserable about his old family, he felt guilty. It felt as if he was betraying his current family.

Jason was so lost in his negative thoughts he didn’t notice Jazz until she entered the passenger side.

“Jazz, what are you doing here? Are the kids alone?”

Jason was about to leave the car when Jazz pulled out a baby monitor.

“I got it covered,” she said, “Besides, nobody can come through our haunt without us knowing.”

Jason said nothing.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” came his automatic response. Jazz raised an eyebrow.

“Uh-huh. Sure, I believe that, big brother.”

Silence reigned for a while. The chirping of the crickets was the only thing that could be heard.

“Am I a bad person for missing them so much? I love you guys, and you are the best things that have ever happened to me, but when I’m alone with my thoughts and emotions, I can’t help—I miss them but feel like I’m betraying what we have. What we found.”

Jason let his head fall on the steering wheel. The ache in his chest grew. He wanted his family to be whole again. Jason could picture it in his mind’s eye. Danny surrounded by the Waynes. Danny being spoiled by his aunts and uncles. By the Ancients, he wanted that. He wanted Danny to have cousins, aunts, and uncles.

Jason wanted his older jackass of a brother. He wanted his grandfather…He wanted his dad.

He wanted his family whole. No, his family was whole already.

What was he thinking? What was wrong with him? Why wasn’t he satisfied with the family he had?

“We have a theory,” Jazz said, putting her hand on Jason’s head and giving soft scratches. It felt nice. “Danny and I think your obsession is family. Until you can have every last person you consider family surrounding you, well, you won’t feel complete.”

Jason snorted. It made sense, but Ancients, did his obsession have to be something he couldn’t have?

“So basically, my obsession is unreachable. They’ll never take me back. And if I do return, they’ll try to take Danny away from me. They’ll consider me unstable, too much of a monster to raise a child.”

Jazz said nothing. Jason raised his head and stared at the woman who had become his younger sister. Someone Jason could trust.

“I miss mom and dad sometimes, too,” Jazz whispered, “not for the people they turned out to be, but for who they once were.”

Jazz smiled bittersweetly and turned toward Jason, “Do you think me a bad person for missing them?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” was his automatic response.

“Then why don’t you give yourself that same leeway? My parents have done horrible things; they tried to kill Danny! Yet, I still miss them. Family is complicated, Jason. Emotions are even more so. Don’t blame yourself for what you’re feeling, and don’t feel like you’re betraying us because you want what you used to have. We understand.”

“You’re all too good for me.”

Jazz slapped the back of his head. Jason yelped out in surprise.

“And stop thinking you don’t deserve to be happy. You have a family, even if it’s incomplete.”

“No, you guys are enough,” Jason refuted.

Jazz smiled sadly and kissed his cheek.

“I’m going inside. Remember, don’t feel bad for your emotions, Jason. If I’m allowed to miss my old family, so are you.”

Jason said nothing. He watched Jazz enter the house, lost in his thoughts.

How nice it would be to integrate his old family with his new one, but if he tried, he would lose what he had built.

“Suck it up, Todd; you have a great family now. Forget about your old one.”

Jason turned off the car, phased through it, and returned to the house. The ache in his chest still throbbed.

Suddenly, a chill ran down his spine. He looked out into the darkness and felt watched. There was no one there. Jason gave one more uneasy look into the forest and went inside.

____

Tim couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Holy shit,” he whispered.

Tim had a facial recognition program running 24/7. After a few weeks of the program running, he had a match.

La Petite Académie would like to thank Peter “Jay” Nightingale for his generous donation to the school. Two benches will be built in his honor.

Tim observed the picture. Jason had dyed his head red and glared at the camera as his picture was taken. He held a plaque with the school’s name, address, and Jason’s alias.

He broke into the school’s files and read about Daniel Nightingale. He had the highest marks in his class and was considered exceptionally smart. Jason had donated fifteen thousand dollars to the school and seemed to be an active participant in school activities. Jazz Nightingale was put in as an emergency contact, and he found phone numbers. Most important, though, was the address listed on the record.

Tim had a lead. His next stop would be Tadoussac, Canada.

I'm so sorry if this wasn't up to my usual standard. I needed to move the plot along. On the plus side, I know how I want the story to go and end. On the downside, I see an end, which means my time with this fic is coming to a close.

Anyway, I hope you liked

@itsberrydreemurstuff @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit @skulld3mort-1fan @theauthorandtheartist @emergentpanda-blog @jaggedheart11 @fisticuffsatapplebees @booberrylizard @fantasticbluebirdfan @thegatorsgooseoose @cyrwrites @kjoboo91 @crystallicedart @amaramizuki666 @spekulatiusmuffin @meira-3919 @kilasmess @bubblemixer @lexdamo @wonderland-daisy @mj-arts-n-stuff @amyheart19 @dolfay @the-church-grimm @undead-essence @aph-mable @lizisipancardo @purrloin77 @writer-extraodinaire @charlietheepic7 @sinfulloccultist @nootherusernameworked @coruscateselene @chaoticchange @itsberrydreemurstuff @gmkelz11 @feral-bunny31 @paroovian @thatonegaybitch68 @d4ydr34min9 @overtherose @fandomwandererer @vipower001 @thordottir45 @blackrabbitt3t @rosecinnamonbun @bianca-hooks123 @epilepticnerd @dat1angel @consouling @flamingenchiladadragon @all-mights-asscheeks @ender-reader @fuyu-bitch @ravenswife

[trans-androgyne]

hey, thank you for having and running this blog. you're doing the equivalent of gods work.

first, i'm sorry for the amounts of jerk anons you have to deal with. you literally articulate yourself very well and clearly, and still, people will find a way to twist it or not take it seriously. it reminds me of me "arguing" with terfs back in 2022 on twitter. (shudders.)

and second, how do you deal with the constant negativity? i have found myself doomscrolling the transandrophobia tag, and, well, to no ones surprise, my mental health is down the gutter. do you have any tips to deal with it? mainly with the transandrophobia in general? it is more than exhausting existing as a (gnc & enby) trans guy atm, and it's really getting to me. the thing is, I wouldn't mind it if it were non-queer bigots, but the fact it's coming from inside the community is devastating. i am more than hurt. this intense hatred for men and masculinity, queer, trans, or not, is incomprehensible to me. it never does anything good. anyone who says "i hate all men and anything masculine" is definitely going in the "yep that's either a radfem or a radfem hatchling" box. i partially understand as to why- i had a fear of men myself when i still identified as a girl, and slipped into the "all men bad. kill" side of the internet for a short while but ONLY because of this rhetoric ("you need to be afraid because there are men outside." , "men and masculinity are inherently predatory or dangerous")- but i got out of it because i saw how fucked it was eventually (thank goodness)- but nothing should ever be an excuse to excessively hate a gender or masculinity this badly. and its mostly gender essentialist bs anyways imo, so i do not understand it at all...it reminds me of people saying men/mascs cant be asexual because it's "in their nature to be sexual"- because testosterone. its hard. i just wish we all could respect each other. you're either "one of the bad bad evil men" or "noooooo not YOU. you're AFAB!! never!! youre a girl/woman in spirit!!" from my personal experience with terfs/radfems/idiots.

anyways, sorry for invading your anon space with this long rant, but i just wanted to leave this and the question. i hope you have a nice day/night, and thank you for reporting on transandrophobia as much as you do. it's sadly very much needed right now.

Thank you so much, this is such a kind ask to receive. To be honest with you: I don’t handle my mental health very well around it </3 It’s weighed on me pretty heavily these last few months especially. The things keeping me running this blog anyway are my passion for the transmasc community and lovely anons like yourself cheering me up. When it comes to trying to manage it, the most important thing for me has been finding people I can vent to about it who will understand. I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful discord server full of awesome trans people who will talk it through with me, and that’s been a life-saver. Staying offline for a bit and trying to engage in person with people who are unlikely to be transandrophobic towards you can be a nice relief. I catch myself doomscrolling constantly too, and it doesn’t feel great. If you need to set some sort of time limit on your phone even just to remind yourself not to do it, that’s helped me before and might help you too.

Having this much hatred levied at me for my identity from my own community lately has been devastating. I completely understand you. I’ve always been vocal about supporting transfems in particular, so it really hurts to see so many turn against me for speaking up. I understand how the queer community got this way, though. Antimasculinism has been an issue in queer and feminist spaces for ages. I think people are starting to notice it more and understand why it sucks and how much it negatively affects trans men and mascs. It feels like a losing battle sometimes with how much cultural feminism — the Men Bad Women Good flavor of pop feminism — has pervaded our communities and often led to very overt radical feminism that people still can’t always recognize because they don’t know anything about TERFs outside of them hating trans women. I believe the culture will start to shift soon such that people are able to recognize sexism and gender essentialism that harms all genders, and I will be doing my part to help that happen.

[ryuichirou]

Replies

A bunch of replies todayyy! Sorry for the wait!

Anonymous asked:

Wha…what is with all the gaslighting discourse?

A waste of our precious time, Anon.

It started with some Anon being frustrated with me talking about Jade being a gaslighter in a hc post about twst boys being horrible to their lovers, and then them calling Rook a gaslighter instead. I was confused about this ask and replied half-jokingly, but the Anon came back trying to explain themselves once more. So I wrote another reply where I stated my position loudly and clearly: I do not agree with that Anon, I will continue drawing and writing Rook and Jade as I please, and I do not like how the Anon approached this topic by basically telling me that because it upsets them personally, I should reconsider how I view the characters. I find this type of rhetoric manipulative and unfair not only to us, but to the rest of people here: I can’t prioritise one person’s trauma over others’. I also really don’t like it when someone tries to assess my personal views on things by the type of fiction that I like and the way I see and portray certain characters. This is literally why we shoo away everyone who acts disgusted because of some of our ships, and this situation is no different to me. “I really don’t like it = this is dangerous” is manipulative, no matter how you cut it.

Anyways, then there was that Anon to whom I replied yesterday! And it was a nice ask, I had fun thinking about what to write. They actually sent their ask a month ago, just as this whole thing was happening, but I took my time because I was busy, but wanted to reply properly. Just like I said before, I love talking about characters a lot, and even if I disagree with someone, as long as they aren’t trying to force their point of view on me or imply that I don’t get it or I am stupid, I like hearing different interpretations of characters. Even if it feels completely off to how I view it, I can appreciate or at least respect it if they respect the way I do things. And don’t imply that I don’t get it or I am stupid.

So yeah, this is everything I have to say about this lol But you can read more on this topic; I believe there are plenty of other posts on this site, apparently this discussion has been going on for years. I really have no idea what there is to even discuss though.

Anonymous asked:

I know you haven’t talked about twst cast being parents for awhile, but I couldn’t help but come up with an azuide kid scenario. Imagine the kid is constantly feeling so much pressure from Azul’s expectations that when they fail a test after enrolling into NRC, the kid just SNAPS, overbloting and having a complete breakdown. And Ortho gives Azul and Idia a look that screams “See? I TOLD you so!”

It really has been a while! We don’t really think about family topics all that often though, so I guess it’s not very surprising lol

Thank god AzuIde kid has Ortho around because these two aren’t at all helpful with Idia hiding in his room for the majority of time and Azul almost being the second Riddle’s mom lol If it takes less time for them to overblot than it did for poor Riddle, it’s going to be very impressive. ESPECIALLY if the kid has Shroud blood, which means that they shouldn’t be able to overblot easily, if at all…

This is some great parenting right here.

Anonymous asked:

How do you think diasomnia would celebrate silver's birthday :)? I feel like Lilia would end up doing the least most birthdays,,, where he just ends up having sex, doing what he wanted anyway while barely being nicer to him than usual. Silver would be so grateful still lol

Anon, I am so sorry because I didn’t reply in time I completely missed the time when it would be perfect…. Sweet Silver, my precious fellow Taurus, I have failed you. 😔 But it’s better late than never!

I feel like Silver mentioned that they celebrate it together every year and take a picture together, and to be honest, I think Lilia actually cares a lot about making Silver’s birthday feel special. Even thinking back on how he made sure Silver would experience trick-or-treating on Halloween despite not having any neighbours, Lilia seems like someone who likes doing this type of thing. Silver himself doesn’t really care much though.

This doesn’t mean that Silver wouldn’t be very grateful even for a bare minimum of course, I think he gets this feeling of “there’s more?” every year after only receiving this “doing the least” level of attention from Lilia at first. Maybe Lilia would try to prank him as if he forgot about his birthday, but… Silver himself wouldn’t remember, so this isn’t much of a prank :(

Also ALSO! When it comes to sex, you are right; Lilia would present it as something special for Silver only, but he would ABSOLUTELY end up just going whatever he himself wanted to do lol

Anonymous asked:

Have you heard how horny Rollo is for the bell tho? Now that's a paraphilia if I've ever seen one. No clue how it would even work but mark my words, that boy will either fuck the bell or get fucked by the bell one way or another

+

Anonymous asked:

Rollo anon here, Malleus sneaks into the belltower to get railed by the gargoyles and comes face to face with Rollo getting off to the bell

Anon THIS PIECE OF ROLLO LORE IS SUCH A TREASURE (in the most unhinged horny unholy way possible). Just as with Gargoyles (both with Rollo and with Malleus), this is something that’s been on the back of my mind since we’ve heard this information lol There has to be a way… The bell is magical for a reason…

God Rollo would absolutely hate being interrupted and SEEN by Malleus of all people. Wait until he hears about the reasons why Malleus is even there, heheh.

eh-nonnie-mouse asked:

True, Sebek is too hard on (pun intended) for Malleus to slip up unless he's REALLY distracted. Also can you two imagine...Lilia physically shows Sebek how to move using Silver as the example and then letting Sebek try right after, guiding Sebek's hips every once in a while to correct his rhythm and or movements he gets to stick it in.

(this is related to this post)

I’ll be honest, this is so stupidly easy to imagine that I don’t know if we should judge ourselves or Lilia for this LOL

He just wants to ensure that he has taught these boys everything that they need to know… This is a very important part of their training. Sebek is becoming a man. 🥹

Anonymous asked:

Yes yes, Jack has a knot, does that mean Leona and Che'nya have barbs? Is Ruggie's grandma packing? Twins in merform with no balls? Followup question: Who would be most into all the different kind of dicks?

Yes yes yes and yes. Someone also mentioned a possibility of Malleus having two dicks lol I always forget about all that stuff when it matters (i.e. when I actually draw it), and it sucks; we need more beastboy dicks! And Ruggie’s grandma too I guess… powerful woman :(

Now that I think about it, I really don’t draw balls when I draw Twins in their merform. But with merman in general, in our case it’s usually something that makes no sense biologically lol but at least it’s fun! And very hot.

As for the follow-up question, damn it I feel like the only correct answer here is Rook fucking Hunt, but since we don’t really see him on the receiving end of things, he is just here to appreciate.

Also you know, wild card? Riddle. He just isn’t aware of it yet. Also Idia because he has no choice and he’s seen too much weird porn.

[lotusarchon]

I'm gonna take a break from Tumblr for a bit to focus on my AO3, but I'm also gonna lay this all out because I've been in the Lego Monkie Kid fandom for a year and...

Y'all suck so fucking bad it's embarassing.

a huge ass rant down below and fyi, my account my posts smt if you don't like it 🎺

If it's not the disgusting mischaracterization of characters, it's ATTACKING people who don't agree with your 'headcanons', bullying and doxxing people who are actually trying to spread accurate information for shit just because it doesn't fit with YOUR headcanon and soooo much fucking more.

I swear to fucking god, I thought JJK had spoiled and selfish pieces of shit but LMK fandom is winning the award for being the most god awful fandom in existence. You guys are so awful there are times when even I, who usually mind my own fucking business, think about being mean and have to remind myself that I don't associate with you freaks.

Y'all are so disgusting and annoying. Like, don't get me wrong; I do have friends in the fandom who are nice and sweet. And I am glad I joined LMK because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met them.

Keep in mind; I really do not associate with any fandom I'm in unless it's to read fics or catch up on what I miss. The only reason I actively became aware of the fandom was because some BITCH called me a proshipper for writing stuff for Nezha and Tang Sanzang. I won't deny though; I actually did write nsfw stuff for Bai He, the Bone Demon's host and I do actually regret it to the point I erased ANY fic I had with her because I felt disgusted with myself. Don't get me wrong, I was a piece of dog shit myself back then, but surprise! I learnt from it!

Sadly. The LMK fandom doesn't. At all. Half of you guys are getting offended for culture that's not even your own. Half of you guys are out here crying about the age of a decades old god when there's a literal genocide going on.

Dawg I shouldn't even be stressing myself out but it's come to the point I actively find myself hating this fandom more and more. You guys just SUCK.

It's so bad that I legit want nothing to do with making friends with anyone in this fandom anymore. I've met some people who are really, really sweet and obviously, I don't regret them at all and I'll stay their friend anyway, but the rest of you guys need to take some serious time of the internet and stop being fucking selfish, whiny little bitches.

"But then why are you still in the fandom-" because I like the characters. I like the show. I like the storytelling. I'll still love it regardless of how season 5 looks. I'm not a disgusting, selfish fan that wants to quit just because the animation has changed from a TRAILER VIEW ALONE. And at least I'm not going out of my way to send death threats to anyone, you fucking dipshits.

I've been in so many fandoms but god. God LMK makes me so mad. Thinking about you guys legit drives me insane because again; do any of y'all really give a fuck or do you just decide to watch the show because you sexualize the characters, have zero understanding of the story or the characters themselves, and decide that just because you're read Journey to the West, you're suddenly a HUGE expert in Chinese mythology.

Y'all cannot be serious. I've had people tell me, "W-well, you shouldn't write about the Monk that's disrespectful 😖". Okay then stop writing for Sun Wukong, you're being hella disrespectful too don't you think?? What about some of you who'll lose your shit because an OC, AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER is inspired/heavily references by an actual god because it's "disrespectful" my brother in Christ in what way is it disrespectful it's a reference and it's not the first time people have referenced deities for shows and other pieces of media. I get it if someone refers to the actual deities and figures of a religion and sexualize them, I can understand that. I grew up in a Hindu home and if someone told me Kali or Sita is sexy and doesn't refer to any piece of media but the actual deity themselves I'd be disgusted too (even if I'm atheist tbh).

But like. Duh. It's obvious people are separating the characters in the fucking show from the guys in the original. Shut the fuck up. If someone who's actually part of that culture isn't offended, then why the fuck are you?? What gives YOU the right to tell someone "well, you shouldn't reference this [god] for an oc it's not okay, and also it's not really accurate at all 😖" like. Dude. Let people have fun. Mind your fucking business and move on.

I'm not even gonna start on the Nezha age bullshit, nor even how everyone just sexualizes Wukong and especially Macaque and sees them (specifically Macaque) as these innocent uwu boys who did NOTHING wrong.

And don't even bring in the fact I write nsfw about them too, because news fucking flash; at least I try to understand their characters properly instead of fucking dumbing them down to basic sexy guy and nothing fucking else.

This fandom is so bad I feel like I've become toxic BEING around y'all. Dudes it wouldn't kill any of you to touch some fucking grass, eww.

I seriously cannot try to befriend anyone else on this fandom anymore because I know I'm going to run into someone who acts like this and I personally do not have the mindset to deal with them one bit. I actually have, in fact, run into people like this as a matter of fact which is why I genuinely got rid of some of them because; I'm gonna be honest. We will never see eye to eye, and I'm not that horrible I'd hate on you for your weird ass views. I'm blocking you and moving on, that's all there is to it.

At this point, I'm staying because the only good thing about this show IS the fucking show. The fandom is a bunch of sore losers probably over the age of 20 who need to actually do fact chects and understand media literacy before deciding they're suddenly fucking know it alls. I probably don't really care for anyone younger than that because I'm certain some of you just get influenced easily and well 🧍 not my responsibility, idc.

And I'm not really sorry when I say I really do hope there comes a point where you fucking freaks are the only ones left of humanity and an AI puts you all through hell and back out of the immense hatred for you because that's what you guys deserve.

FUCK you guys. All of you in this fandom. I don't like AM from IHNMAIMS but when I think of the LMK fandom I wonder if being a robot isn't such a bad idea after all.

I really tried giving this fandom a second chance. I really did. Inevitably. Y'all are horrible. God awful people that seriously should get off the internet and touch some grass smh

[lyrenminth]

Quiet love 5/5

This is the last part of Quiet love . Thank you for all your support for this short series.

"Bitch, why you didn't tell me you were dating a football player?" Lydia spat, surprised.

You hid your smile while saying "We decided to keep it private"

"How? Justin Herbert is like the most private person around the league? Did you slid into his dm's?" She demanded.

You rolled your eyes. "No, we are childhood friends"

"C-childhood friends?" she was stunned.

"Yes, we separate during college" you answered "before that we're pretty close"

"Oh my god! You're from Eugene too, I completely forgot that. Were you staying at his house then?" she remembered, you nodded. She studied you for a few seconds, then she smiled. "Am I invited to the wedding?"

You laughed. And you felt like walking on clouds.

***

The off-season started but Justin was still busy doing commercials and sponsors. You really enjoyed to have him around and missed him a lot when he was out. You took your coffee together every morning, and kiss him goodbye. Help him to find nice outfits, but he was reluctant to change his Nike wardrobe.

"I don't have to think" he explained while dressing up. Justin without doubt had one of the best legs in the league. Period. And that wide back was begging to be scratched "Just put it on and looks good, you know?"

"You look good in everything, especially when you are on top of me" you teased him. He blushed fiercely and you started laughing. You love to tease him and making him all flustered.

"Well, I'm not using suits except for special occasions" he reiterated.

You sighed. "My coworker, Lydia knows about you"

"That's ok" when he was fully clothed, he turned around for a kiss "We are going to Oregon in March, do you want to talk with your boss about it?"

Since you started dating and made it official, Justin always talked in plural. "We're going to do this, and that "- "We should do this and that"

We.

And it was the best thing ever.

You nodded. "For how long?"

"One week or so"

"Okay, I'm gonna ask" you wiggled your eyebrows "are you going to show me your acres of land?"

He laughed. "Yes, my ranch can seduce you"

"I don't think so" you explained "Ranches are a lot of work"

"Well, you don't need to work on it"

"I can make a pie from scratch though"

"I will take it"

***

Eugene was the place that watch you grow together. But now that you came back as boyfriend and girlfriend, it was different. You were in love, so maybe that's why everything was so beautiful. You spent the whole time meeting with old friends, making grills and having excellent dinners at Justin's house. Justin was in fact, a good host. He made the meat most of the times, and you named him King of the Grill because he dislike people getting closer when he was cooking. On the other hand, you were the pastry girl. You made all the sweet food and drinks you could think of.

Those nights were so much fun.

"I think you complement each other very well" said Tate, one of Justin's closest friend during a dinner, in private to you "Like we saw it coming at one point" you could tell Tate always care about Justin. "During highschool he told me he kinda like you but he was worried"

"We grew up together" you simply said. Tate was there too. "I'm lucky to have him all these years"

"Are you going to marry, uh?" He said smiling, you blushed "I think it's early" you said.

"You have known each other for years, it's ok" he nudge you "Just be patient with him, he's a football player"

And day after day, between dinners and meetings people said similar things to you. Everyone was so positive that made you cry. And you could tell by the way he looked at you, Justin was feeling the same. "You don't know the way he looks at you" your friend from highschool, Melissa said happily. "Like he's stolen glances every second and oh my god, why you did to him? He smitten"

One night while you were falling asleep on each other's arms, he said it.

"I love you" you raised your head from his chest, astonished and suddenly awake. "Oh, I thought you were sleeping"

You laughed. "What? Repeat it" you requested. Your heart fluttering as his. "I love you" he whispered in the intimacy of the room. And you could only kiss him. "I love you too, Justin"

"Tell me what you want, I'll give it to you"

"Babies" you started, he snorted "No problem with that" he replied within seconds.

"Two dogs, a baby cow" he frowned "If you own a ranch you need cows" you explained. "Okay. I can give you a cow"

"Tate talked to me" you mentioned, casually.

"What did he said?" he asked against your forehead. His growing beard was ticklish.

"He's happy for you. For both" he let out a sound right from his chest that turned you on slightly. "I'm very happy right now"

"When the season starts..." He begun, and you know what that meant. "We're going to find ways, but you need to be more open to me Justin. We're in this together"

"Yes" he replied, breathless. He hugged tighter and you felt like his arms were the most safe place for you.

You came back to L.A in a daze. There were slow mornings, were you would make love for hours, looking at each other's eyes. There would be days of rush, mostly for your work. Justin truly had your back, he never mentioned quitting your job because he knew you loved it. "When we have children?" He asked, during one of those table conversations "I can quit my job, I would love to raise them" you said, it was true. You would be a stay-at-home mom for them. "But I would like to have some support, too. And I know you are super busy"

"We can hire someone as we do now" he suggested. "Yes, I suppose"

And having those conversations about the future were refreshing. He was serious and all in about the relationship. And you loved that too. It made you feel special and secure about your relationship.

No matter what happened you would enjoyed all the time you had together.

[branmer]

sometimes i think im pretty lucky with my body image tbh because while like everyone i have stuff i don't like about my body (like i do struggle sometimes with wishing i were prettier and the shape of my nose) but there's lots of stuff that i see other ppl worry about it never even occurs to me to think about like my hip dips and it just makes me sad that people are taught to hate such insignificant things about their body :/ like i think i have bad body image and then ill see someone worrying about that and im like 'oh sis :/'

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

for some reason im really feeling the Queer Euphoria in this chilis tonight, specifically: being so ambiguous its hilarious. there is No label to describe my orientation/gender. like yeah i use nonbinary bc technically it fits but also bc the flag Fucks. if asked, my only correct answer would be "Wildcard, Motherfucker!"

[fluffs-n-stuffs]

"Do you not realize it? Do you... truly not see what this means?"

The next Destiny Bond update is in progress! ❄️✨ –> Check out the latest part here 🔷 –> New to the series? Follow from the start! 💜

[raksh-writes]

Somehow, after months of not moving a muscle, I managed to get off my ass and do some light stretching + a whole damn abs routine too, that I still have no idea how I got through it, I remember it being hard on Normal day, and now my whole body is feeling this little workout and I'm like?? WHo are you?

Now to keep it going, tho...

[ladsofsorrow24]

sometimes i remember how i was like at school and damn, am i grateful i've finished that part of my life... and this is all because i was thinking of how much i love chainsaw man and then i remember my lil sister's got a friend in school who like it too which... reminds me that if i was in school when chainsaw man aired i wouldn't even dare to admit i like it to my friends lol

that kind of animanga is somehow often associated with straight guys here, and if my friends, who are girls, know i like that kind of story... they'll really look at me like i'm a weirdo

especially if i say i actually like denji and understood him as a character

thankfully i don't have anyone to impress or lie to on a daily basis now working on my own so i'm free to like whatever i like and enjoy things because i want to and not for the sake of conforming to the social standard of what a proper woman should be 🤷

[burinazar]

It's funny stepping back into fandom spaces where most people are within my general age range or older after making so many younger friends in MiAbyss fandom* so when i go back to my old stomping grounds of LOGH or T&B or Star Trek or Vorkosiverse or the BJD hobby or just the whole entire SFF/genre fiction reader+writer sphere and it's like oh ok yeah. i'm not really thaaaaaaattttt humongously old i guess. because to be honest with you sometimes in other contexts i feel like the club penguin 18+ elderly penguin

*not to erase those of you in there who are older! it's just that something with MiA that was a brand new experience for me over the last year is that I sure did accumulate some treasured fandom friends a decade-ish younger than me and i feel somewhat protective of them slash occasionally ashamed of not being a more impressive role model or something but okay look you guys don't want a mentor you want a draw-er of shitposts and a writer-er of decentish fanfics and That I Can Do

[teaandinanity]

Today I had a good brain day which unfortunately meant that I was a profoundly unhinged conversationalist who said things like ‘linguistic prescriptivism is kinda elitist’ when asked whether I thought it was more appropriate to say ‘on accident’ or ‘by accident’ and brought up the Overton window when we were discussing politics and basically managed to boggle my INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT AND EDUCATED LIBRARIAN COWORKERS like four times in the course of a 7 hour shift.

[kiilonova]

ive been wheelchair-tiptoeing through the unmasked public for three years now but i say something judgemental about someone i used to work with, well outside their earshot, and im the bad guy? explain it slower ok im retarded

[just-miru]

me when

me when my shit post i put absolutely no effort into is getting more notes than my silly doodles in which i do put some effort