#i am struggling to get things going again here

[frodo-with-glasses]

Where have you been?

Uhhh, France?

(That’s a Hamilton reference, btw. I have never been to France.)

So! Another Hobbit Day is upon us. On this day last year, I’d promised you all that we would take another trek through LotR, with all new drawings and poems and fanfics. I fully expected to be finished with Book One by now, at least halfway through FotR. What actually happened is that the blog struggled through the first five and a half chapters of the book before suddenly going radio silent.

So what happened?

Well, as you might expect, real life happened. I won't go into the details here—since it has nothing to do with LotR—but I can explain in DMs if anyone is interested.

Basically, a change in my family led to a reexamination of what I thought I knew about my family, which led to a reexamination of what I thought I knew about myself, which kicked off an intense period of self-improvement.

Over the course of this past year, I began to unpack my family's abuse; I learned about boundaries; I started to unlearn my old people-pleasing tendencies; I reconnected relationships that were broken, reevaluated ones that were in the wrong place, and cut off ones that weren't good for me. I discovered there was a little kid in my head who's been waiting years and years for an adult to love her, and to take her needs seriously, and I finally have the chance to be that adult. And I'm happy to say that I've come to a place where I feel safer in my own head than I have ever been.

Probably very little of that is going to show through on this blog. It's all inward stuff; foundational stuff. But one thing that might affect you guys is that I left my (dreadfully overstimulating and stressful) part-time job, and I'm now working full time somewhere else. As much as I love what I do for a living now, working 40 hours a week does mean that I am become Boring Adult who does not have as much time for interneting. With my current schedule, there is no way I'd be able to sustain the intense schedule of "must post one drawing a day" that I had in the early days of this blog; and I don't expect myself to.

But! I would like to—slowly—get this train rolling again.

I find it hilariously apropos that the last piece of art I posted on this blog was of Frodo suddenly disappearing. From Merry's perspective, he completely vanished without explanation or warning. From your perspective, so did I.

But I find myself here again, on another September 22nd, and once again I'm beginning to feel that pull; that pull to read, and draw, and create, and share, and laugh with all of you. Life has calmed down enough for me that I once again have the mental space to think about pursuing my hobbies. There are so many things I want to do—so much to do with the time that is given to me. And I want this blog to be on that list.

My current goal is to post some new book art every other day. If that's too much, I'll adjust it. But if I find my groove and really get into it, who knows? We might return to your regularly scheduled Daily Dose of Frodo-With-Glasses. We shall have to see.

Anyway. If you've read this far, thank you! If you've stuck with this blog since the early days, thank you. And if you are one of that lovely core Fellowship that has had my back and prayed for me all along, I cannot thank you enough.

This past year has been an absolute ride. Not as difficult as a trek to Mordor, maybe, but not easy either. But no matter where I walked, I knew I didn't have to take the journey alone.

Anyway! Enough sappiness. Happy Hobbit Day! I'm excited to see what the next year has in store for us. 💚

[aft3rhrs]

Update:

Hi guys!

I appreciate your asks and messages so much. 🥹

Thank you so much for thinking of me, for remembering me and being so so supportive and patient. It truly means the world to me. You guys are amazing and the only reason I'm still here 😭

To sum it up: physically and mentally I have struggled a LOT in this time. Going through some transformations I guess dhdjdhdh and as painful as it was, I came out stronger and I'm doing much better mentally. After years of struggle there is finally some light in my life and the journey is gonna be long but at least I got it started. There will be good and bad days but that's just how it goes.

My biggest struggle is to keep up with my courses and therapy and house work and etc while still managing myself, there is a lot going on, but I will get there!

When it comes to writing. I'm not gonna lie. As I said some times were hard and for a while I really thought I was done here. I was preparing to make a goodbye post. Nothing was going right and I just couldn't create anything. I thought maybe these topics just got too depressing for me to write at this point or maybe writing just isn't for me at all (as much as I love it, I had a crisis 😅)

Then my brother went and got me a LAPTOP just so I could write again 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 it didn't help much at first, especially since by now I am used to my little phone screen and the big blank page was intimidating 💀

But hey

I'm back. And I wanna say I'm so sorry if I don't end up posting stuff you were looking forward to at first. I'm just getting back into the swing of things and trying out whatever feels comfortable and right.

This entire fic is finished lmao. I just need to edit it and hopefully after that I'm planning on starting another.

I will get back to everyone soon, thank you sm 💕

[definatelymrhyde]

TGS Page spoilers September 23 2024!!!!

Alright it’s time to analyze this. Robert Lanyon you are so Landone because I am picking apart your little speech right here right now

This is LOOOOONG so there WILL be a TLDR at the end!!

“Nothing but a line from a stupid play.”

“What?”

“What does all this rogue science business get you, in the end? Sure you get the odd novelty - - an invisible cat, a hot air balloon or two. But in return it tears your life apart.” - This is Lanyon mainly speaking on how he sees everything and what he’s observed yet again. All he’s heard about rogue science was confirmed to be true, Henry’s promise of telling him if he ever went to far is broken. He’s not going to trust anything ANY rogue scientist says at ALL this time. He’s not even gonna give them a chance. His point of view and opinion had suddenly (probably) solidified and likely won’t be changed, easily at least.

“The signs were there, looking back. It was so obvious that Henry was slipping away.”

Lanyon CALLS HIM OUT. Like. Dude. Buddy. It WAS obvious, but only to someone who could have KNOWN what was happening.

“And I helped him.”

Lanyon believes he helped make this all happen. And that by proxy, Henry’s condition is HIS fault, at least partially. As much as he seems weirdly calmly angry, he’s masking it in order to seem like he’s not sad.

“I brought people from all over London to see this place, to sell them this beautiful lie.”

Again he blames himself, and shifts some of it onto the lodgers.

“It would have been better if you’d destroyed this place. If you had, I might have been able to rescue Henry from himself.”

Lanyon stating he belives the society should have been destroyed. Gone. That it was an utter mistake involving himself (and Henry, even if it was Henry’s own choice, and HE chose before Lanyon did) In this whole thing.

“But now he’s possessed by a demon, or whatever the hell Hyde is.”

Actually? Good point, Lanyon! We don’t know for SURE what TGS Hyde is. Sure we have a general idea, but we’ve never been told in specifics and had it verbally confirmed.

TLDR;

Lanyon masks his blame and sadness with a facade of just playing up the pre-existing anger. He doesn’t think Henry could have done this on his own and that the society and the support it got from Lanyon and a little bit the lodgers was what pushed Henry to do this to himself. He states what we’re questioning, ‘what is Edward Hyde, really?’ Because we’ve never got a confirmed awnser from anyone in story, have we now?

AND FINALLY; A THEORY.

I think that he’s going to up and walk away. Any previous statements I’ve made in like,, Lodger Lounge or other servers ABOUT Lanyon dying? IGNORE THOSE I DONT THINK THAT ANY MORE. I think we’re gonna get some in depth emotions for Lanyon, which is unusual because like,, it’s Lanyon he is NOT getting caught openly expressing that shit. I think we’re gonna get a much deeper understanding of Robert ‘not my problem is my middle fucking name’ Lanyon!! That’s my prediction.

Anyways, making analysis of these guys my new job if anybody wants a character analysis (at least from my pov having a 100% in my English class as of now. Yes. That’s literally my ONLY qualification besides being the author of a fic that puts TGS Jekyll’s struggles into perspective.) just hand em over I don’t care. So long as it’s TGS? I’ll analyze it just give me a segment I don’t care, fanfic that’s deep and analyzesble? I’ll do it? A specific page or collection/progression of dialogue? I’ll do it. HAND IT OVER.

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

[savage-rhi]

Magenta 😥

[hunsa-jars]

Dread be dreading

[vincent-sinclair-deserved-better]

hm

thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol

[unproduciblesmackdown]

(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this

[hannibal-confessions-nbc]

I hate when people say Hannibal "ruined" Will's perfect life with Molly shuuut up Will made his own choices. Will conveniently walked his dogs when Jack was there and left Molly alone with him knowing he would show her crime scene photos and she'd try to make Will go. He said he knew what he was doing going back after Molly got hurt. Hannibal told him not to come back even and Will ingored it! We need to acknowledge Will is a manipulative person and makes his own choices

.

[memorydragon]

Okay, so I know I'm shouting to the void here and you guys probably want mdzs updates instead of my rambling about the more obscure novel that I started reading before mdzs was a blip on my radar, but I'm going mental over here and this is what you're getting.

I'm just so Normal about Jiang Ting saying "Don't test me. I'm on your side." And when I say normal, I mean completely normal levels of Absolute Unhinged.

Because he will fail the test every time.

"Don't test me." When Yan Xie questions him on why he hid the packet of drugs, of course it's suspicious. Of course he lies. (Though is it a lie, that he wanted it for himself, to hide the evidence that will lead Yan Xie further to the truth) The truth will damn him, the lies will damn him, what else can he do?

"Don't test me." When Yan Xie asks why he wasn't tortured by the drug lord when he was captured, he asks back, "Who says I wasn't?" Yan Xie's anger at the lie, at the omission he knows is there was real. But the truth will damn him more, that sensory deprivation was the gentlest form of torture, because why would a drug cartel need to be gentle with a cop?

"Don't test me." When Yan Xie drops a recorder in his pocket to listen in as Jiang Ting interrogates Li Yuxin, and lies to her about being the betrayer, and they're texting right next to each other. He can't help the small panic that Yan Xie had been listening in. Because that was a lie, but it held too much truth, that to be betrayed there had to be relationship before. He failed the test, only to see Yan Xie's final message while waiting outside the operation room, because Yan Xie was dying in the next room, and his message was "What are you afraid about? Why don't you trust I'll help you?"

"Don't test me." When Yan Xie loses his temper and does test him, when he's a little too violent because he's being blocked from investigating and tries to force Jiang Ting to the martyr's cemetery. He apologies to Jiang Ting softly, wiping the water away with a gentleness Jiang Ting doesn't believe he deserves. When his feet are burned because Yan Xie needs answers - answers that he cannot and will not give, despite everything, Yan Xie again apologizes and tends the burns. Yan Xie wasn't in the wrong suspecting him, and he's failed every test, but Yan Xie is the one who apologizes and realizes he's gone too far. Except he hadn't gone far enough to get to the truth that would have Jiang Ting fail once again.

"Don't test me." When Bu Wei jumps off the bridge and tries to take Jiang Ting with her. He sees too much of himself in her - Yan Xie sees too much of Jiang Ting in her - but he'd let her go to save himself. Except then she jumped and that wasn't how it was supposed to end, because there had to be something after the realization that the worst betrayal wasn't being left behind. When he looks at Yan Xie and tells him it's up to you. To turn Jiang Ting in or not, to believe him or not please, don't believe him he'll accept whatever Yan Xie decides he is, a traitor or friend. He cannot trust, cannot give his faith, and it's up to Yan Xie to decide if he can still accept that.

(And that's a whole different rant about how Jiang Ting cannot define himself, how he can only mold himself into what other people want him to be, say what they want him to say, because the only time he tried to choose who he wanted to be, his whole team died and he was left in a coma for three years. I'll be Unhinged about that in a perfectly normal way another day)

"I'm on your side." When Yan Xie has seen the orphanage's records, followed the evidence to it's natural conclusion, that all the times Jiang Ting had lied and omitted to save himself were finally exposed. Yan Xie has deleted the only picture of Jiang Ting on his phone and has already broken his own heart when Jiang Ting asks, "Do you still believe in me? - It's better you don't."

"I'm on your side." When he kisses Yan Xie after all the cards are on the table, as tears run down Yan Xie's face while the King of Spades watches for any flaw. He points a gun at Yan Xie's head, ready to pull the trigger that will keep Yan Xie from coming after him and tells the truth for the first time. "I love you, Yan Xie." In front of his adoptive family of drug lords, in front of the man who betrayed him and that took him in as a brother, in front of the bodies of the people he had just mercilessly shot down, as the Queen of Hearts, whose own heart is enchained by hatred and thorns caused by the drugs he can't escape, he tells the truth, which can only be accepted as a lie.

"I'm on your side." When Yan Xie finds the evidence that Chief Lu is lying, that Jiang Ting went undercover to get rid of the drug cartel once and for all and he realizes that his wavering faith in Jiang Ting was expected. That he was the one who failed that time, even though it was necessary for the King of Spades to take Jiang Ting back. That despite that, Jiang Ting had still left him a way out and saved his life. And Yan Xie is going to drag Jiang Ting home, no matter how dangerous.

"I'm on your side." When Jiang Ting asks him, "why are you here?" when Yan Xie holds him and kisses him softly after nearly dying because he was exposed, and Yan Xie replies that no matter how harsh the betrayal - the truth - he couldn't love Jiang Ting less. That just because Jiang Ting pointed a gun at his head, didn't make Yan Xie miss him less. (You want to talk about scenes that make Mem absolutely feral, this is one.) He has to go back under cover, he has to leave again, but Yan Xie will drag him back.

"Don't test me." One last test. Yan Xie tells him to jump, that they are either going to get out of this together or die together. Yan Xie refuses to let him fail this time. No matter what, he won't leave without Jiang Ting. I'll be by your side, because living is harder than dying.

And Jiang Ting jumps.

[bootyful-seventeen]

i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh

[apathyfairy]

me at 13: by the time im 30 i will probably be married and maybe have a kid but for sure i will be living in my dream city and have my dream job. and also a lot of money

me at almost 30: i think i will treat myself to a corn dog this weekend

[toastsnaffler]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

[piplupod]

.

[just-aro]

y'all have no idea how much effort goes into trying to interpret and respond to some of the questions we get about aromanticism lol.

like kee does so much tonal phrasing to be nice about this, but. please. "what is aromantic?" i am not google. "i don't know if i feel romantic attraction." cool, i'm not gonna be able to tell you what it feels like either. "hi, what if I am a person and not one of the major aro stereotypes?" then you are a person who is aro and doesn't fit that stereotype.

and like, whatever, we deal with those fine. but the worst. the absolute worst. is the ones where the ask is more or less requesting me to speak for aromantic people as a whole, or - worse and more commonly - a specific subset of aro people who i may not identify with, and almost always insist they aren't trying to be bad, but have such a questionable mindset behind it that i feel like i need to start with "how to identify that you haven't unlearned shit, you just realized you have an identity and stuck your tongue out at the people who taught you that shit"

[treesbian]

mentally healthy person activities: start sobbing at how difficult you're finding something as simple as changing over laundry