#i blame myself for not filtering to see what fucked up shit there is in here

[hajidumps]

[heeseongism]

Ok I'm gonna need more enha dick analysis from u

Shits too funny

Heeseung has been WRECKING me lately can we get one of him please?? I feel like he would rock our socks off fr

omg im so glad you've enjoyed them bby!! jakes, jay and hoons can be found here 🤍

first things first, lets start by stating the obvious

heeseung has the most BIGGEST THICKEST FATTEST LONGEST MOST SCRUMPTIOUS DINO DICK IN THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE YOUR OPINION IS INVALID IDC 😙

even when this dude is soft it look like theres a whole ass baseball bat in there so for the sake of my mental sanity im not gonna imagine how big he gets when hes hard

NOW LOOK AT THOSE PICS AND TELL ME THAT HE COULDN'T DRILL A WHOLE ASS FUCKING TRENCH IN YOUR WOMB WITH THAT THING

i internally debate with myself on whether hes hes got one of those pornhub dom daddy dicks or a subby petite camboy cock,,, i blame his ridiculous duality and his VERY OBVIOUS SWITCH BEHAVIOR but some of you guys arent ready for that convo

like hes either VEINY AF with one of those cocks that literally droop bcs of how heavy they are OR hes got one of those zucchini like dicks I SWEAR I MEAN IT IN A GOOD WAY 💀 ik you guys are probably sick of my analogies ever since i said jake has an inverted ice cream cone cock BUT LISTEN TO ME by zucchini i mean that his cock is smooth and thick but also he has a pretty big tip just google what a zucchini is and you'll understand what i mean 🧍‍♀️ LIKE????????

anyways I think his balls would look rlly cute too- pink and petite yk AND THEYRE CIRCULAR DO NOT TELL ME THEYRE SAGGY I SEE SM PPL SAYING HE HAS SAGGY OLD MAN BALLS NO HE DOES NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP 💔

now heeseung is actually pretty tanned and has a gorgeous amount of melanin but those stupid white washing filters hide it from us ‼ and so i feel like hes the same as jay and has a pretty tanned cock BUT heeseung seems like his tip goes more on the pink side than the red side

in conclusion: heeseung has a big ass fucking dick and its a mfing crime that hes not throwing me on his bed, whipping out his cock, and re-arranging my intestines to the point where i can't even remember what my own name is and the only thing i can think or do is moan his name ALL BEFORE dragging me down the stairs, bending me over the kitchen table and fucking me again from behind whilst putting me in a chokehold with his bulging biceps and pulling me head back by my hair and spitting in my mouth.

im filing a lawsuit.

[shortpplfedup]

Only Friends Character Rankings Episode 10

We're in the final act now, as Jojo n'em focus on 'Redemption'. Last week y'all tapped Nick as the most honest in reckoning with himself, and now it's everybody else's turn for a reckoning.

🔺1. Boeing (2)

You're totally his type. Like an upgraded version of me.

Walk in, fuck shit up, that's the Boeing way, and I am GAGGING for it. I don't have a clue who the target is or what his game is or exactly but he is playing it EXPERTLY. Is he trying to get Top back? Is he trying to get back at Top? Where does next week's Sand diversion fit in? DID HE AND MEW REVENGE FUCK I NEED TO KNOW?! (I ALSO NEED TO SEE!).

🔻2. Nick (1)

Don't we deserve each other?

Nikolai my stalker baby, why did my heart swell three sizes when you got your man? Honesty remains the best policy, and owning your own shit is a fast track to understanding and accepting others. Nick tried, he genuinely gave Daddy Dan an honest and fair chance, and it COULD have been something, but the heart wants what it wants and Nick's heart wants Boston. The look on his face when he saw his photo as Boston's lockscreen, the way he BAWLED when Boston admitted he missed him...peak romance I tell you.

🔺3. Boston (4)

I don't usually take good care of what I own.

I'm not really meta-ing about this show, but the PRECISION with which Jojo n'em sliced and diced the audience's slut-shaming ways via this character got me. I am INCANDESCENT on Boston's behalf that his so-called friends were so willing to believe Atom's nasty little lies. Because Boston might be a slut, and he might have gone a little Top crazy, and he might stir up some drama when he's feeling some typa way, but he's not a sexual predator, and HE DOESN'T LIE. And despite it all people who call themselves friends to him SHOULD know that. He shouldn't have fucked Atom yes, but Atom straight up asked to get fucked. Boston DOES have lessons to learn about controlling his impulses and filtering the things that come out of his mouth, but these hypocrites ain't the ones to teach him. I'm glad that Nick got over himself last week just in time to be there when Boston truly needed him, and I hope that if they decide to try a relationship that Nick keeps the letting-Boston-be-Boston energy he's discovered.

⭐4. Ray's Dad

Ray's Dad in his one prior appearance seemed like a man at the end of his rope, and I'm glad my thinking was borne out. This story keeps telling us that nobody is a monster, nobody is a villain, everybody is just a person, and Ray's dad is a person like all the rest of them: he cared about his wife, he's watched helplessly and increasingly angrily as his son went down the same path, but he didn't know how to get through to him because he's limited, as we all are, so he did a lot of the wrong thing. I don't think paying Sand to get Ray into rehab was the wrong thing though, that was the act of a desperate man. Him giving Ray the straight dope about how to treat people was a long overdue fatherly lesson. Has he been neglectful? Indubitably. But I'm rooting for him.

🔻5. Sand (3)

Do you think I’m a man with no dignity?

Sand is the beneficiary of me being salty about Mew and Ray joining the 'I saw Goodie Proctor with the devil' mini-mob, but I could have TOLD him that a man who continuously and repeatedly calls you a whore is going to believe the absolute worst about you when the chips are down. I'm lowkey mad he gave back the money, because Ray is gonna call him a whore whether or not he's getting paid. I know Sand lives for the drama sparkle Ray brings to his otherwise dull life, but come ON dude.

🔺6. Mew (7)

If you blow it again this time, I'll blame myself for being dumb enough to trust you.

Mew joining in the fun with Boeing is probably gonna bite him somehow but right now I am LIVINGGGGG. Mew keeping Top up at night staring at the ceiling on a regular basis is the only way I'm gonna truly enjoy them being together, because game recognising game is my favourite brand of toxic relationship. If these two spend the next 50 years trying to get one over on each other I will be so satisfied.

🔻7. Ray (5)

I'm not addicted to alcohol. I can stop whenever I want.

Ray spending the entire episode in various stages of denial, his irritation with the idea of rehab and refusal to take it seriously, that explosion that was ALWAYS coming at Sand, and his final, quiet realisation that he has a fucking problem and he needs to fix it to stop hurting the people around him was phenomenal television, anchored by a bravura performance by Khaotung. Ray is gonna have a lot of amends to make once he starts drying out, including saying everything he said to his therapist directly to Sand. Can he truly change? Let's see.

🔻8. Top (6)

I'm sure if he stops being mad at me, we can make it long-term.

I finally figured out why no matter what I'll NEVER like Top and he doesn't pass the vibe check: his instincts and reactions are to lie, hide and cheat when he doesn't feel on top of things. He and Boeing may not be fuckin', but whatever is going on there smells like deceit and mendacity, and he is DESPERATE to hide it from Mew. The look on his face when Boeing is around is exactly how he looked around Boston after that car. Give me an honest slut over whatever this is any day of the week and twice on Sundays. I keep saying that Mew is part of Top's self-actualization, and the way he talks about him with Boeing in this ep just adds fuel to my fire. Is that enough to sustain a long-lasting and successful relationship, absolutely, so many couples are JUST like this.

🔺9. Cheum (12)

Find your own way to graduate. And we will forget we were once friends with you.

OOH this girl pisses me off. Having finally decided to mind the business that pays her, mostly because she's annoyed Atom seems to prefer talking to Boston than talking to her, she's all too willing to believe Atom's lies about Boston and run up pointing her j'accuse finger. I genuinely can't get over how UGLY that scene at Boston's was, how Cheum pulled out some of the same shit that gets levelled at queer men, promiscuous or not, and threw it all at Boston. When she said she didn't believe that Atom was the aggressor because he likes girls, that hit me in the fucking chest. Boston must have done something to Atom. He must have coerced him, blackmailed him, forced him, right? It's so grotesque.

🔻10. Atom (9)

Getting my heart broken by a girl won't kill me.

Speaking of grotesque, what a nasty bit of business this was. Hurt people hurt people, that's kind of the whole ethos of this show, and the lies Atom told were designed to ruin Boston's life like he feels Boston ruined his by GIVING HIM EXACTLY WHAT HE ASKED FOR. I very much doubt Atom is gonna stop at Cheum too, he's out to destroy, and spreading around this kind of shit about somebody who's already judged for being 1) queer and 2) promiscuous is absolutely destructive. This shit was the vilest thing anybody has done on this show by a country mile.

[ina-nis]

One of my therapy practices had to do with attachment styles and I went to see how did it change for me - because I knew it has changed again.

I went through them all.

I used to have an anxious attachment style, then I spent many years with a disorganized/fearful-avoidant attachment style and, more recently, I've reached avoidant-dismissive... but not for the reasons one would think.

I have a lot of issues with the whole concept of "attachment styles" because it feels very much like astrology. It's prescriptive and judgmental, without any room for nuance. The "avoidant" is as much as a boogeyman as the "narcissist". Someone with a working brain can see the issues in this and how it can be much more harmful than helpful.

For the avoidant-dismissive style, there's the assumption that a person closes themselves to others, not letting people in too close, and this is why they behave that way, and not the reverse.

Yes, of course I find it difficult to open up to others and let people in, because I feel like it's a waste of my fucking time? Because I always end up having to do the emotional labour in these connections, because I always end up having to compromise core values and boundaries for the sake of staying together.

"Emotional intimacy, trust, and dependency on others are difficult concepts for you. You prefer to create personal boundaries and rely on yourself" are indeed difficult for me because the majority of people I've met are more interesting in fucking around and/or having casual relationships, which I have no interest in (because I have plenty of those already).

All the time, all this time, I'm here busting my ass in therapy, trying to fix my shit and chasing people after people, and I cannot fucking trust them because they can't even do the bare fucking minimum. Why the fuck should I keep on going with someone that I can already see, from the start, it's not good for me? How many times I've had this exact same conversation with myself and reached the exact same conclusion?

I'm angry because this is something that I'll have to sit with in therapy and talk and I'll be made to feel like this is my fucking fault when it really isn't.

Instead I'll be labeled an avoidant (the irony of this term coming up again after so long, huh?) and difficult when I'm literally, physically and mentally exhausted of trying to bond with people that have no fucking interest in me? Or only temporarily? Or only casually? Or only sexually? Etc etc etc etc etc......................

"Well, just keep on looking then!" I am doing that already! It's exhausting too! I'm in a constant state of social exhaustion because of that. It's a pain in the fucking ass.

Yes, I'll keep on relying solely on myself because I cannot count on other people to do shit for me. I cannot trust people won't bail the moment shit hits the fan - because they always fucking do, how funny, huh? I won't let people in to be hurt again.

I'm going to filter people through very strict and demanding ways, my quality of life is a priority for me. My internal peace too. I don't need others and I sure as fuck don't need dead weight around me.

I'd love to be in a relationship. I feel like I'd do anything in my power to make that happen AND YET I'm just one side of the coin here. It can't work if I'm doing all the work. It can't work if I'm the only one wanting it. It can't work if communication is shit. It can't work if I'm the only one investing time and energy, making sacrifices and compromises to accommodate another. It can't work if a relationship is not being prioritized and nurtured properly.

Of course I'm an avoidant, I'm protecting myself from the sea of literal shit that is other people, and it's infuriating to me that I can't help but love them.

I'm not going to blame myself anymore. Not for a problem of social nature. I'm doing what I can. I'm following the treatments to the best of my ability.

It doesn't depend only on me.

Let me be an avoidant if that means I'm not subjecting myself to subpar relationships and bullshit from others. I hate being single, loneliness greatly harms me but the alternative - this bullshit - is literally unbearable. I don't want to go through something like this ever again, no thank you!

[thevoidofthefifthmoon]

hey. so.

i would like to say i dont identify with the label “proship”/”pro-shipping” but im sick and tired of puritans running amock in SO MANY FANDOMS especially twitter, and agree with some of the posts here, lmfao. 

i have 0 tolerance for certain depictions of fictional media but i dont go and fucking harass people or push them out of every conceivable social media space. i dont just throw around the words “groomer” or “pedophile” like an overused fucking buzzword and honestly dont even see the point in the label if its only going to be associated the same way it is with MAPs. which i want to clarify; i dont fucking support those freaks, why do you think a minor would honestly? 

i do however consume problematic media, n$fw or not, and if some hit a threshold i cannot mentally handle? i just fucking leave. i dont purposefully trigger myself and then blame the content creator as to why i feel so horridly shitty due to trauma. 

i also use certain problematic media as a coping mechanism because mental illness be damned, whaddya know, i have the most horrible intrusive thoughts that i can barely even discuss so i dont get banned or reported for being a minor discussing n$fw beyond what its known for the most. go figure. 

i dont even ship or indulge in dynamics that romanticize these certain problematic dynamics (ESPECIALLY incest and adult/kid agegaps), i take them as is, but even if i actively talk about them as they should be depicted from being real life situations horrifying to think about? i just fuck off from the ones that do romanticize. a lot of the time they dont even realize theyre doing it due to being victims of this abuse THEMSELVES and if they do and simply cope with the trauma of that? cool! but that aint my thing.

im not gonna shit on them for showing it to the world either. its their business. not mine. and its their spaces. the spaces for these victims and if it helps them cope then? GUESS THAT LEAVES ME WITH LESS TO DEAL WITH?

i guess under all qualifications, i am “proship”, but really i just dont give a fuck, i mind my business. unfollow me. sure. i dont care. id rather have that then cause a goddamn fuss about fictional characters that yall antis treat as if theyre real living breathing people. fiction affects reality at times but you can control your asses and death threats and harassment or making unnecessary callout posts? worse actually, and is much more personal.

the internet has become such an unsafe space that nobody knows how to fucking handle themselves and filter the content they see into things they actually like. or make a safespace for themselves. 

Grow the fuck up. 

[scover-va]

Ok since no one's gonna ask me abt my colour thoughts with carla and lionel i'll write it out myself /j

Anyways take my stupid analysis under the cut bc i know im gonna end up rambling and long posts are annoying to scroll by on mobile

Okok so i mentioned in the tags of this post that i have thoughts on lionel being represented by blue and carla by red in Walk/The final chapter of The Hex.

For Lionel, the video of him getting murdered is purely blue, like if you took the fuckin Twilight filter and intensified it. As well, he mentions Gamefuna in at least four of the sections in Walk (I cant remember for sure with Vicious Galaxy and the last lil bit with the trophy + reggie lore reveal), and just overall has continuous connections to the colour blue.

Carla, on the other hand, while never physically appearing, is associated with the colour red via Sado. Outside of gold earrings, Sado's only proper colour is red. Red eyes appear in most of the puzzles during Walk, which Lionel remarks is a bug that he's been dealing with since Carla made Sado. Finally, when Lionel.exe crashes in Beneath The Surface (Carla's game), the Sado faces are purely red (which, granted, it's the same way if you try to use a cheat code to kill Sado in Waste World, but still).

So we also see this blue/red colour scheme back in Pony Island, which is obviously connected to The Hex (Lou Natas/Lucifer running Gamefuna, Asmodeus appears in the Secrets of Legendaria crash, you can find Louey in Waste World, and finally Lucifer's symbols appearing on Vallamir's dark spells book. Probably more but that's all I know), and ik the connection is definitely not real at all, I like to think about colours for anything that isnt drawing (colour theory my detested)

So the only character in PI we see with a purely blue colour scheme is the Hopeless Soul, who is, for obvious reasons, the only real ally we have in PI. He's strongly against Lucifer, and aids the player in deleting PI. And while Lionel obviously isn't against Gamefuna/Lou like HS is (selling swk, working for them for cax and sol, using the gameworks engine, etc.), he's definitely been put in that victim position when it comes to Gamefuna. If he hadn't used the Gameworks engine, his characters might not have been sentient. And hey, if they were still sentient, then there would've been no irving (and no irving means no leg crushing and no leg crushing means no strangulation). As well, Lionel's reputation is definitely ruined by selling swk to Gamefuna. Overall, much like HS and all the other souls Lou had in his possession, Lionel's life gets veeeeery much so ruined just for being associated with them (not to say everything wasn't also his own fault, it very much so was, but I also cant blame him for treating game characters like shit. He didnt know they were alive until, like, a few weeks before he died. Aka during Lazarus' escape from the Gameworks building when Irving told him he's sentient, as implied in the audio I wrote down in this post).

Then we look to Carla, who's associated with the colour red (or yellow if you wanna argue that, because of the ducks, but that's not the point). In PI, the Daemons protecting the core files are all red (outside of slight glitchiness having small amounts of blue, but overall they're very red). They're working with Lou, helping to protect the very files that make up the game. With Carla, it's implied that she used satanic methods to made Sado like. That. (It's hinted at by the occult symbol on her Sado design notes in Walk, which we know is also the logo for Satantech Corp. in PI). Like the Daemons, Carla's got a reason to be against one specific person. The Daemons are against you, the player, because you're trying to delete what they're trying to protect. And, well, Carla hates Lionel for majorly screwing her over in several fucking ways. She's an ally of Lou's to some degree, and is responsible for creating the literal fucking demon spawn that fucks with you four fucking times. (Sado's battle in cax, killing Rocky in ww, her battle in vg2, and then the jumpscare and eyes in walk). Overall, she's slotted into that antagonistic role, not to mention the fact that her creation ends up killing Luke at the end of inscryption. Honestly I'm really hoping we get more Carla lore in the next dmg game, but that's besides the point.

Buuut yeah! Those are my lil thoughts on the colour connections. Again, obv im just yanking random things and running with it, but considering how little we actually do know about these two (especially carla) outside of what little we're told, I like being able to do lil analysis type things with these bitches. Thanks for reading! :D

[cruzctrl]

So, i've been gone for quite sometime. And alot has happened, it being me becoming director of respiratory at my facility, hating every minute of it, stepping down after 5 months, and picking up a full time job at a former facility. There were quite a few things that made me step down- actually alot of things:

1. Short staffing

The issue with short staffing and trying to approve peoples vacation times was a nightmare. I catered to these people thinking yeah its gonna be fine. Ill figure something out. Then when i get call ins, no one is willing to work. Im not about to run 20 hours working at this place when 8 hours is already dreadful. And guess what, i still did it. I tried. But the consistency of how bad no one wanted to work was more than enough of a problem for me to step down. And i low key hated people to begin with and it didnt make the job any easier.

2. Supply shortage

This was probably the worst one. Id do my daily tuesday routines of ordering supplies, and yet i seem to never get the main supplies i need. Trachs. Bacteria filters for suction machines. Pulse oximeter probes and cables. And its out of my control. I get it. Ever since covid cane around it hasnt been any easier for anyone. But again, being blamed for something i cant control was already daunting and i hated

3. Inheriting a staff i've worked with for 7 years

It sucked. They know my work ethic. And they see me as one of them. Not as a supervisor. Only when they need my signature to sign off on their overtime. Or their vacations. Or their bullshit sick days. And when i needed the help only a few were able to pull through. The fact that im somewhat salty about this whole situation makes me think: what could i have done differently? Why dont they look at me as someone who can take over a department? But then again. It is what it is. The lack of respect was already more than enough for me to leave. Aside from that, another guy who didnt even work more than 8 days a month became the director and they seem to give him more respect than me. But, like i said i could of done things differently, but i wouldnt know what to do anyways ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4. Taking work home

This was one thing i told myself- never take work home. Thats what i did. I took work home. I think about when the next time im gonna have to come in to cover a shift, why no one responds to my group me texts, or whatever shit that i needed to come in for. The stress and anxiety of coming home really fucked up my sleep. So bad to the point where id stay up super late just to enjoy what little time i had to myself. Thats bad on my part and probably affected me to the point where i dreaded work.

BUT

Ill admit, i low key miss goin to work whenever i want, but i dont miss goin to work when i shouldnt even be there. The amount of stress that has been lifted from my shoulders is so nice, i forgot how it was to just go to work, get things done, and leave with no worry about anything more or less. Im pretty content with what happened, how i did, and i appreciate the few support of people who really had my back. Funny thing is, they didnt even decrease my pay rate, so although i stepped down as director, im still getting director pay! I guess if theres a way to cheat the system, that was definitely it.

So, in hindsight, Im on call / per diem at my old facility, and got hired as full time at.. another old facility. BUT my pay has definitely increased in both places. Ever since i left, everything has looked alot brighter. i bought a new car, im back to working noc shift again, im happier as a whole, and i just think everything that ive dealt with was a lesson and that not all things at the top is so mint. The new guys i met at work seem pretty chill, and we have a few hobbies that we have in common so it was really easy to get a long with them. Plus i think this whole subacute dept as a whole is just good for myself and patient care. Its really nice to be able to go back to work and feel like im making a difference with what i do. I couldnt help but feel useless as a director. I guess one of the perks is the amount of overtime im gettin here, it is so absurd that im probably gonna be making more than my other places i worked at. Anyways, im happy and thats all that really matters. Ill probably post some pics of my new whip soon, just gotta find the time to take some decent pics. Hope you guys have been well, and this was just me ranting.

[cleverbarefoot-man-blog]

school days

After a weekend of grinding, doing my routines being bizzy with al kinds of hobby's working developing a predictable pattern so I know I will get trough everyday without having to be bitchy about it. Meaning that no matter how rough thing are getting there is always something to fall back on. So my weekend was very productive, I felt like I did what made me strife towards a structural solution of regulation my energy levels a bit better. Now this paid of very well, I am moving in the morning, sometimes even dancing and keeping the energy levels in check, I'm usually tired around 11 pm. Yesterday I went to sleep a little bit later then I intended to, So I did my morning routine felt that my throat was a little bit sour, so I decided more cancer right into that throat and I lit one up. After I biked to the station I started to feel a bit better, I smoked another one and tried to think, brain heal this throat of mine. Once I got in the train, I continued with my assignment and it was like I was cured, arrived at the destination, walked to school. It was like there was nothing wrong. Once I was at school my energy levels started to drop, the first lesion was alright, after the first lesion one of our teachers started to go into Projection mode, talking about safety in the class and all kinds of bullshit that was going on. Man I tried to guide the conversation into a constructive direction but these people just have not learned the capacity yet to look at themself to the core. I never realised how strong the power of projection can be. I have always been pretty closed up and my filters where just like fuckoff with your bullshit information, so it wouldn't matter at the end of the day. Now I see all the god damn flaws, I get triggered left and right. Just pessimism here and pessimism there, FUCK OFF. I'm working so hard to get rid of people that are just constantly Working themself into this visual circle of self destruction and dragging other people with them. I'm not sure what my game plan is yet, but I need to be able to filter this shit out so it won't bother me anymore, Im not there to help them, I'm there to help myself, if by chance I accidently help out someone that is fine and I'm almost always open for conversation. Just stop bothering me with your bullshit attitude. Its like talking to myself, the moment i write this sentence I already know its my attitude but fuck man they blame others CONSTANTLY I also want shift responsibility and make others regulate my shit sometimes. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK. Lets get this shit going done with poring out negativity.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 318: On Your Left

Previously on BnHA: The Hawksquad+Lurkers were all “well this sucks” and sat around a bit talking about how maybe they should actually come up with a new plan that is actually good, but then in the end they were like “nah.” Deku was all, “THERE’S SOMETHING INSIDE ME THAT PULLS BENEATH THE SURFACE!! CONSUMING, CONFUSING!! THIS LACK OF SELF CONTROL I FEAR IS NEVERENDING. IT’S HAUNTING HOW I CANT SEEM TO FIND MYSELF AGAIN. MY WALLS ARE CLOSING IN.” Just, literally that whole entire song. All Might was all “Deku you should take care of yourself, try eating a thing,” and Deku was all “BYE, ALL MIGHT,” and just LEFT. He left!!! What the fuck!!!

Today on BnHA: Endeavor is all, “maybe if Deku didn’t listen to All Might he’ll listen to me instead.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t listen to Endeavor]” because, well, yeah. The Vestiges are all, “surprisingly, even we are a little concerned -- maybe you should get some rest, kid.” Deku is all, “((Ò ‸ Ó)).” The Vestiges are all, “holy shit.” Deku is all, “[wanders the ruined city streets terrifying the populace on account of him looking like Shelob had a baby with one of the Nazgul].” Some shriveled-up puppeteer villain asshole is all, “HORIKOSHI SAID IT’S MY TURN TO ATTACK DEKU TODAY SO I AM GOING TO SUMMON MY FRIGHTENED HELPLESS ATTACK MOB!!” Kacchan is all “WHADDYA MEAN THEY FOUND THE NERD!!! -- oh wait, that’s me, I found him. I found the nerd, you guys.” And just in time, too. I was about to owe a whole lot of people a whole lot of dollars.

so I have been super good about spoilers this week as always, but let me tell you guys, for the past 36 hours my dash filters have basically been nonstop “manga spoilers” this and “bnha 318” that, and so I’m coming in with a fair amount of hype here. your move, Horikoshi

oh, good! they got Endeavor to call Deku to try to talk him out of it. what a great and wonderful plan

“listen up kid, you haven’t slept since March and you are basically a walking biohazard right now, I’m just telling it like it is. didn’t you get shot like three times?? and there was a whole thing about how you urgently needed medical attention?? and supposedly we gave it to you, but I mean you haven’t even changed your clothes and don’t seem to have any fresh bandages or anything, so did we?? did we, really?? and also we all got blown up yesterday, so yeah.” hmm he’s making some reasonable points here you guys, but you sure do go on and on, Endeavor

oh he says foreign aid is finally on its way! I’m sure they’ll be very helpful. I mean in fairness they can hardly be worse than the home-grown heroes at this point

hey Enji, could you maybe try appealing to Deku the sixteen-year-old human boy, as opposed to Deku The World’s Last Hope? he does have value beyond his quirk. I know that’s always been an incredibly difficult concept for you to grasp, but could you maybe TRY, jesus

and also we’re worried about you as a person?? you’re just a kid and you’re pushing yourself way too hard?? you were going to say that part next, right. why the hell didn’t Hawks make this call instead

“don’t worry about me... I’m completely fine” Deku you do understand that saying it over and over again doesn’t actually make it true

and again with the rush!! all the rush rush rush!! we’re running out of time, we can’t let AFO and Tomura keep getting stronger, I have to end this now, there’s no time to rest, etc. etc. etc. just the constant pressure of this whole big countdown on top of everything else

holy shit, you KNOW it’s bad when even the Vestiges are telling him to chill

these guys are basically the walking talking embodiments of self-sacrifice; if even they’re telling him he needs to take five, then he must seriously be like half a step away from death’s door

OH SHIT LMAO

DIDN’T EVEN LET HIM FINISH HIS SENTENCE BEFORE HE SENT HIM INTO THE FUCKING SHADOW REALM WITH THAT FUCKING LOOK. HOLY FUCK. DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO DIE TWICE. SHIT

(ETA: so I’m pretty sure this was just Danger Sense activating and so he cut them off to go do more hero stuff, but I’m gonna go ahead and stick to my original interpretation anyway lol.)

anyway so how’s everybody doing. we all good? En, you good? Banjou? Shino? I’m imagining you guys all curled up in a little ball on the floor right now lol. can’t say I blame you though, no shame

lmaoooooooooooo

“SHEESH.” sheesh indeed, lmao. “what in the FUCK was that”

see, this is why y’all need Kacchan. you need someone who’s not going to back down from him no matter what. if it’s a matter of out-stubborning Midoriya fucking Izuku, then there’s only one other person on the planet capable of that, and we all know it. don’t pretend like you don’t. I am not going to shut up about this! we’ve had our hurt so now what about SOME COMFORT, DAMMIT

“I’m afraid that he’s becoming influenced by my conscience” nah are you kidding Nana this is all 100% made-in-Japan pure original Deku right here

see, Banjou gets it. “that kid, he’s totally going on his own.” exactly. this was so inevitable it was basically scientific law

“well I for one don’t see the problem with Deku being so obsessed with saving everyone else that he pushes himself until his body and soul literally fall apart” okay, whose speech bubbles are these?? we’re about to have words

lol of course

well you always did prefer the direct route didn’t you. but even you can’t possibly think this is okay lol

dark AU!Kacchan please tell us more about your badass doomed timeline in which everything went to shit and you apparently had the same character arc that Deku is having right now except it somehow made you sexier instead of turning you into a rabid t-rex. I have so many questions

oh so now you want to help??? well -- good, actually. sorry if that sounded offended just now lol

(ETA: so at first when I got to the end of this chapter I was wondering if Katsuki B. had somehow summoned his alternate-universe counterpart through trippy OFA space telepathy lol. but in the original Japanese there’s no reference to “we”, so this appears to be a mistranslation. this line should probably read more like “if there’s something/someone out there that would be able to complement/complete the current Midoriya Izuku [it would be]…” which, oh hello, is that Horikoshi once again reaffirming that Deku and Bakugou complete each other lol. “guess what guys, the Vestiges ship it too" heck yeah. they know what’s up!)

look how admiring his boyfriends are. HORIKOSHI GIVE US THE REST OF THIS BACKSTORY ALREADY GODDAMMIT

“meanwhile somewhere in the depths of the ruined city, Deku was having a dance-off with the villains”

I like how the villains all have this “AHH WHAT THE FUCK” kind of body language to them lol. I mean if it were me, and an eldritch horror suddenly clawed its way from the shadows with its writhing glowy tentacles and pants-shitting nuclear death stare, I would probably just die on the spot. no need to stick around. only pain awaits

lol for a minute I thought this was Can’t Ya See-kun and I was like “WHAT A FASCINATING CROSSING OF PATHS” but it’s just some random girl

he seems genuinely confused lol

Deku it’s because you look like something that crawled out of a sewer drain, sweetheart

lol they just took his word for it?

so trusting. even though they’re immediately hauling ass anyway just to be safe lmao

“my appearance is frightening to others” no shit Deku it’s because you look like a fucking alien exorcism. you look like a Lich that got caught up in an oil spill my dude

NO NOT THE CHOSEN ONE ANGST AGAIN

I RAN OUT OF ESSAY JUICE FOR THIS ALREADY HORIKOSHI!! I’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT IT FOR MONTHS NOW WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!! BUT ANYWAYS, GOOD!! I MEAN, BAD, THOUGH, OBVIOUSLY. BUT YES

“ENJOY THIS MONTAGE OF DEKU BATTLING A RANDOM KAIJU AND WANDERING THE WOODS LIKE A DERANGED GREEN BABA YAGA” okay yes but sir, exactly how much longer is this going to go on. if it’s a matter of you wanting to make sure we get it, let me assure you that aside from a few stray chuunis who think that Deku embracing the Darkness is the coolest thing he’s ever done, all of us here in fandom fully comprehend that this is Not Good

-- OH SO IT’S LIKE THAT

really. with the flashbacks to his loved ones’ smiling faces and everything. not even gonna try to aim above the belt, huh

AND NO KACCHAN??! NO CLASSMATES?!?! IS HE PURPOSELY NOT THINKING OF THEM??? OR ARE THEY BEING SAVED FOR THE NEXT PAGE??? SO HELP ME, IF THE NEXT PART OF THIS SENTENCE IS “CAN PROTECT THEM”, OR EVEN WORSE, “CAN SEE THEIR SMILING FACES AGAIN”, I...

WHAT DID I JUST SAY

(ETA: my man did Sero and Kaminari fucking dirty lmao. I miss their smiling faces too omg.)

the sheer, unparalleled irony of him saying this while he stands there looking like the gargoyle demon from Fantasia got crossed with an umbrella that got struck by lightning. Deku :(

oi who the fuck is this clown

is he controlling this mob with his evil hair. “what if I made an exhausted, running-on-fumes Deku battle a brainwashed mob at Ground Zero.” Horikoshi do you just have like a checklist of horrible things you want to do to your protagonist

easy there Sasori

well joke’s on you buddy because he’s apparently “completely fine”, so

“here’s to hoping that you know more about AFO’s location than the others” jesus christ Deku you really have hung your mercy out to dry huh

now he’s forcing his mob of terrified prisoners to attack Deku ahhhh. sucks to be them. at least they’re not being controlled by bees

so Deku is saying that Sasori’s control can be broken with “physical trauma.” similar to Shinsou’s quirk I guess. but so does that mean he’s gonna have to hurt them? ( •﹏•)

NO NOT MORE SAD EYES

“DEATH BY EMPATHY!!!” HORIKOSHI NO

fuck. he looks like he’s on the verge of passing out

this is what happens when you nerf a character’s self-preservation stats in favor of spamming their bone-breaking stats instead. NOW ACCEPTING BRAIN CELL DONATIONS FOR A BOY IN NEED!! with your loving generosity we can hopefully help him live to the ripe old age of seventeen

OMGFGGG

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[grabs your hands] ლ(*꒪ヮ꒪*)ლ [swings you in a circle] へ(ﾟ◇ﾟへ)

THASSSSSSSS WHATSSSSSSS UPPPPPPPPPP

HORIKOSHI REALLY SAID FUCK THAT MASK (ノ°ο°)ノ YOU FINALLY LEARNED!! IT’S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!!

JUST FOR YOU KACCHAN, HORIKOSHI LEFT THIS ONE BAD GUY WHO’S STILL WEAK TO FIRE. GOD BLESS

IT’S YOUR COUNTERPART, KATSUKI B!!!! HOW WE DOIN OVER THERE IN THE TRIPPY COSMIC OFA SPACE REALM LOL. DO WE BELIEVE YET, FANDOM???

LIGHTS!!!!

INSTANT RESULTS!!! IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE!!!

(ETA: imagine what this must look like to Deku though. he’s been caught up in this dark cloud of despair and exhaustion that’s been building up over... I’m gonna go ahead and say “weeks”, because yeah. and now he finds himself here, in the place where All Might’s legacy ended and the torch was passed to him. and the world is in ruins, and he’s surrounded by frightened people who are all trying to hurt him -- because who isn’t trying to hurt him, these days -- and he’s scrambling to figure this all out, but meanwhile the weariness is finally starting to catch up to him, and so he’s basically just standing there in a fog of complete and utter misery.

and then all of a sudden through that haze, he hears the one voice that’s more familiar than any other that he knows. like, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he thought he was just imagining it at first. Kacchan showing up to save him right when he’s at his most desperate and feeling the most alone. Kacchan, showing up to save him.

this is the person he always looked up to as a child (to be fair he was quite a strange child lmao). the person who was even closer to him than All Might. the person he always thought was amazing. and bam, here he is now. appearing in the sky out of nowhere to one-shot the bad guy with a single blast (which, btw, that was his armor-piercing attack too lmao dslkjlk take it easy there kiddo). like, that must have felt absolutely surreal to him, especially coming at a time when he’s already half-delirious and barely hanging on to reality. he must have really thought that he was losing it there for a second.

but he’s really there. it really is him. and for this brief moment -- before the rest of the situation catches up to him, and he remembers about all of the fucked-up AFO stuff, and remembers why he was so afraid and why he was pushing everyone away -- for just this one brief moment, he’s too exhausted and stunned to do anything except to just react. just stands there, looking up at him in awe.

and you know, it almost reminds me of...

just. you guys. the character development. the freaking character development. someone who brings reassurance. someone who shows up and makes you think, “oh, it’s all going to be okay now, because [person] is here.” the role reversals. the growth. the payoff!! because who is the one person who always had faith that Kacchan would one day grow up to become an amazing hero like that. WHO IS IT. YOU ALREADY KNOW.

omg. anyways, bless you Horikoshi, my feels which have been on backorder since fucking September have finally arrived lmao. yes, good, thank you. worth the wait. it is always, always worth the wait. fuck yeah.)

“LOWFRIES” SO YOU’RE TELLING ME THE WHOLE GANG IS HERE, AHHHHHHHH (º̩̩́⌣º̩̩̀ )

BEAUTIFUL. WONDERFUL. SENSATIONAL. I DON’T EVEN CARE THAT JUMP IS ON BREAK NEXT WEEK. THIS RIGHT HERE WILL SUSTAIN ME

[willwriteforhugs]

i wish i’d never met you- choi jongho

boyfriend! jongho x reader - one shot!

word count: 1.8k

genre: angst, pain

synopsis:  your idol boyfriend finds out that you’ve been getting hate for dating him, and you’ve been hiding it this whole time. this doesn’t sit well with him...

warnings: death threats, arguing and yelling, cursing

a/n: this hurt so much to write i’m sorry

so i feel i should put a sort of disclaimer- this fic involves the mc receiving some pretty serious threats and hate content, and i just want to say: this sort of behavior is absolutely not okay in real life, or even fiction. i wrote this as a way to express my anger towards fans who act in this way- sending hate and threats to people you don’t know is horrible and completely fucked up. i just don’t want anyone to misunderstand and think i’m condoning this behavior. it’s very destructive, and unfortunately very real.

on a lighter note, i do hope you all appreciate this fic. it was hard but incredibly entertaining to create. thank you for reading <33

- - - 

your keys jingled as you struggled to fit your house key into the lock. stupid lock. you jiggled it harder, finally hearing the telltale click. your apartment complex had never gotten around to replacing it, though they said they would.

you sighed as you entered your home. it had been a long day, but you were looking forward to tonight. your boyfriend, jongho, finally had a night off. he'd been so busy lately... of course, you knew this was just how it was. dating an idol was a lot of work, and one of the downsides was the lack of one-on-one time. but jongho was supposed to join you at your small condo in only a few hours. so you kept your head up.

your relationship with ateez's beloved maknae had gone public recently. dispatch had caught you. you can still see the headline: "ateez's jongho spotted out with female office worker- to be or not to be?" jongho had been furious, apologizing profusely. you'd told him it was alright, though. after all, you weren't an idol. this couldn't possibly turn into much of a scandal. you will admit that you had been nervous about the public knowing- but it had been two weeks already, and not much had happened. (well, there was one exception, but you had convinced yourself it wasn't a big deal.)

you had picked up the mail on your way into the building, and you now set it on the counter, ready to filter through it.

you spent the next few minutes sorting the mail into piles. bills. ads. more bills.

then, a letter. your address was scrawled in pencil on the envelope, and there was no return address. you flipped it over, dread beginning to claw up your throat. you peeled the envelope open and pulled out the single sheet within. your hands trembled as you read what was typed:

"bitch. i told you to kill yourself. don't make me do it first. you can't just traipse around dating idols, you fucking whore. who do you think you are? you should be scared, knowing i have your address. kill yourself already. i shouldn't have to ask."

your breath came in shallow gasps. your heart threatened to pound out of your chest. this was the fourth letter you'd received. frantically, you shoved the letter back into it's sleeve, then sank to the ground.

the letters were the exception. you didn't know who was sending them. all you knew is that it was scaring you. you prayed it was a hoax. in fact, you'd been convinced that the first one was. but this was the fourth, and you were no longer thinking this was a joke.

suddenly, your cell phone rang, scaring you so hard you jumped. you stood up and left the room to go get your cell. and for a blissful few hours, the letter was forgotten.

- - - 

you were in the bathroom reapplying makeup when you heard him come in. 

“jongho-yah!” you called. “i’m back here!”

a moment later, your boyfriend rounded the corner, looking beautiful as ever. his dark hair was in a fluffy, wavy style today, and he was barefaced. you smiled as he came in, wrapping his arms around you from the back.

“y/n-ah.” he mumbled, his face buried in your hair.

you turned your head, hoping for a kiss. “hello.”

he responded by pressing his warm lips to yours. he ended the kiss quickly, pulling away to look you in the eyes. when you didn’t say anything, he did it again, this time lingering. he parted your lips with his own, and let his tongue brush the inside of your mouth.

this time you were the one who pulled away. “woah there, tiger.”

his face flushed. “i’m sorry, i just missed you.”

“i missed you too.”

he smiled and the two of you exited the bathroom, heading back out to the main room. 

“are you hungry?” he asked, suggesting buying take-out.

you told him not yet. for a few minutes, the two of you made idle conversation, considering how you were going to spend the evening. 

out of the blue, you were overcome with a sudden chill. you shivered, running your hands over your bare arms. “hold on, babe. let me grab a sweatshirt.”

you slipped into your bedroom, seeking out your favorite black hoodie. (stolen from jongho, of course.)

when you emerged from your room, you saw your boyfriend standing at the kitchen counter, mindlessly thumbing through your mail.

your mail.

the letter.

you gasped, rushing to where he was standing. your sudden movement startled him, and he stepped back. frantically, you snatched the envelope off of the surface of the counter. 

jongho raised his eyebrows. “what was that?”

“nothing.” you answered too quickly, and his brow furrowed. 

“baby, are you okay? where is the letter from?”

“it’s not important.” you snapped, reaching to shove it in the trash. before you could get it in, though, jongho had slipped the letter from your hand.

“jongho!” you yelped. “wait, please-”

but it was too late. he had gotten the letter out, and his eyes were already scanning the page.

a beat passed, the room filling with thick, insufferable silence.

then, finally, he spoke. his voice was low. 

“what the fuck is this?”

you squeaked, reaching for the letter again. jongho spun around, grabbing your wrist midair. 

“y/n-ah! what the hell is this?!” his voice had risen.

tears threatened to spill over your cheeks. “it’s nothing, nothing! it’s just a joke, i promise-” 

he cut you off. “y/n-ah.” your boyfriend’s voice broke. “is this the first?”

your vision blurred.

what were you supposed to say? that it wasn’t? that the letter was only the most recent, but you’d never told him? how do you tell the man you love that you’d been lying to him? 

“y/n.” you’d never heard jongho speak with so much emotion. “how. many.”

your voice cracked as you responded. “this is the fourth.”

jongho’s face splintered. “the fourth?” he whispered, his voice foggy. his eyes were unfocused. a beat passed, then; “why wouldn’t you tell me?”

your knees threatened to buckle. you didn’t want him to know for so many reasons. because you loved him. because he loved you. because you didn’t want him to worry. because you didn’t want to get him in trouble. because you didn’t- 

“what the hell is wrong with you? why wouldn’t you tell me?”

in that moment, you swore you felt your heart crack.

the room was once again filled with a suffocating silence, strangling you as he turned his thoughts over.

finally, he spoke, the realization having hit him.

“you didn’t want me to worry. to blame myself.”

somehow, even though the sentences themselves seemed kind, your boyfriend’s tone practically dripped in venom. you looked back up at him, vision blurry, but he plowed on.

“y/n, that’s not how relationships work. why would you hide this? why would you put your health, your happiness-” he stuttered, having a hard time voicing his emotions. “your fucking safety! your life, goddammit! why would you rather risk that than worry me?!”

something in his voice began to anger you, and you snapped back at him, surprising the both of you.

“because, jongho! because i fucking KNEW-” you slam your finger into his chest. “i knew you’d blame yourself, just like you are right now!”

“i blame myself because it’s my fault!”

“how?!” your voice rose to meet his. “how the hell is this your fault?”

“because it’s me! i’m the issue here!” he seethed. “if you were dating any normal guy, this wouldn’t happen. “but no. i was the one who fell in love with you, and now you carry around a weight you never asked for.”

you inhaled sharply, responding before you could even fully absorb his words. “but i chose you, too! i love you, and i’m willing to carry that weight, i always have been!”

“but that’s not the point! the point is that in the end, this!-” he gestured angrily to the letter. “this is because of me. and i hate it. because you know damn well who those come from. they come from crazy fucking people who don’t want to see you with me.”

you sighed, indignant and angry. “i don’t see why it has to be your problem! that is my fucking name on the letter, not yours.”

“but you wouldn’t be getting shit like that in the first place if it weren’t for me!” a beat passed and suddenly his whole body seemed to deflate. “it’s my own fucking fault for loving you.”

you couldn’t possibly think of how to respond.

“you... you get so much shit for being with me, and you know it won’t stop. i’ve made your life so much harder than it has to be.”

you opened your mouth to protest, but your boyfriend plows on.

“if only i wasn’t part of the equation- this would be unthinkable then.”

you felt ravaged. like you were dangling on the edge of a cliff, barely holding on. once, jongho had been your support. your rock. now- now you felt the air beneath your feet, sending chills through you as your heart hung by a thread. 

“god.” he put his face in his hands. “god, sometimes i just wish i’d never met you.”

the thread snapped. you let go of the cliff.

you fell.

you inhaled as the brutal words hit you. they entered like a smooth knife, only to be jerked and twisted in your gut. you took a step back, silent tears streaming down your face.

jongho instantly realized his mistake, his face paling. “y/n...” his voice was almost a whisper as he neared tears himself.  “you know i didn’t mean it like that,” he took a hold of your wrist, and you jerked it back.

“no.” you managed. your voice was scratchy and hoarse. “no. you did.” 

you couldn’t look him in the eyes. turning away, you stumbled towards your front door. without stopping to think- to think that it was already late, to think that you were leaving your own apartment- you shoved on your shoes and left. you didn’t even take your cell phone.

- - - 

back in the kitchen, jongho’s knees buckled, and he sank to the ground. a moment passed. then he put his head in his hands, and for the first time in ages, he sobbed- letting the world swallow him and his feelings whole.

[shyficwriter]

Sick

Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic | Reader x Guardians (With Yondu & Kraglin)

Summary: You are quite sick, and unfortunately for everyone else, you won't stay in bed. Might have something to do with being delirious with fever, or maybe you're just a terrible patient. Who's to say?

Authors note: Content warning for hallucinated gore (I think? maybe horror is a better description? Let me know), and mentions of blood, and of course mentions of all the nastiness that comes with a stomach sickness (Don't worry, I kept it clean, didn't want to gross myself out lol) The characters are safe, story has a happy ending.

Word Count: 7,120

Damn, you felt like shit.

It was the first morning in forever where you could remember not actually wanting to get out of bed. Everything was sore, and damn it was just so cold. Why was it cold? Peter usually kept the ship decently warm?

You sighed and rolled out of bed, pausing momentarily when the room began to spin and your stomach tightened in nausea. Damn. That mission the other day must have taken more out of you than you thought. You didn't think you'd still be this sore and tired two days later. This was worse than yesterday, and you weren't exactly expecting the nausea, but at least it had passed.

Oh well. Nothing you can really do about it. Besides, you had more pressing matters, like figuring out why it was so damn cold. You were shaking and had to fight your teeth from chattering. Better put on a sweater.

After washing up and getting ready you headed out of your room to ask Peter why it was so cold, maybe check on the boiler yourself if he hadn't. You found him with Gamora and Kraglin on the flight deck discussing the best course to Berhert, where you guys were planning to dock for a few days and maybe chase down a few leads for new jobs.

"Why is it so freaking cold in here?" you ask. "Did the boiler break down or something?"

They turned to look at you and it was then you realized they were in their regular clothes, not even wearing jackets to keep them warm. Peter was even wearing short sleeves. "I feel fine?" he said, looking to Gamora. "Are you cold?"

She shook her head, adding that if anything, she thought Peter kept it a little too warm on the ship.

You raised an eyebrow, wondering how they could possibly be warm when you were freezing. You shook your head gently. "Guess it's just me then," you grumble.

"You ok? Ya look a little pale there?" Kraglin asked after noticing you were at least a shade or two lighter than normal and how the skin around your eyes wasn't normally that dark.

"I'm fine, Kraglin," you say, trying not to sound like too much of an asshole despite being cranky that you were so cold and achy.

Peter looked at you suspiciously a moment before saying, "Hey, come here a sec."

"Why?" you ask, just as suspiciously.

"Just come here."

You roll your eyes as you approach. "Fine." Once you stopped a few feet from him you asked, "What?"

He raised his hand out toward your forehead, and in your surprise you leaned away quick, instantly regretting it as the room began to spin again.

You gathered yourself somewhat quickly and noticed his hand coming back. You smacked it away. "What are you doing??" you asked through squinty eyes.

"I'm trying to feel your temperature, dummy. Quit moving!" he responded, irritated when you dodged him once again.

"What am I? A child? I don't need you to feel my temperature, mom." you sassed, taking a few steps backward out of the way. "I'm fine." you say irritably.

"Well you like shit."

You almost laughed in surprise at his bluntness as you leaned back with a mildly offended expression. "Well fuck you too, dickweed. You aren't exactly a looker yourself." You didn't really think he was ugly, you were just being mean, but it made Kraglin laugh anyway.

Peter shot him a look before turning back to you and saying, "I didn't mean it like that. I just think you should probably go back to bed if you aren't feeling well."

"First off, I have shit to do, I'm not going back to bed. Secondly, I never said I wasn't feeling well, I just said I was cold," you say bitterly, hugging your arms close to your chest as another chill hit you.

"Then why are you sweating?" Peter asked.

You looked at him a moment, confused, before bringing your own hand up to your forehead. Sure enough, you were starting to sweat a little around your hairline. You wiped your hand on your sweater as you gave him a bitter look before turning and walking away.

"Go back to bed!" Peter called after you.

You flipped him the bird, not turning around as you continued out of the room. "You don't tell me what to do. You ain't my mother."

Peter narrowed his eyes as you walked away. "Yeah... well... Good!"

Gamora rolled her eyes at both yours and Peter's immaturity and returned the conversation to the navigation.

***

You made you way down to the kitchen, thinking maybe you'd make some toast. Your stomach felt a bit crampy now, and you thought toast might be light enough to soothe it before you got started on your chores. Maybe some milk. Milk was nice and gentle, right?

Rocket and Groot were already in the kitchen eating some cereal when you got there. You nodded toward them in greeting as you put down some bread in the toaster. You pulled down a glass and went to open the fridge to pour yourself some milk while you waited when Rocket spoke up.

"Oh hey, we're out of milk, if that's what you're after."

You sighed. "Juice will have to do then," you say, grabbing the bottle and pouring yourself a glass of the light green liquid. You leaned against the counter and sipped at it as Rocket made conversation.

"You said you're going to blow out the dryer line today, right?"

"Yeah."

"About how long are you gonna be? I need to wash a load and I was hoping to get it started before I got to work fixing Groot's game-thing so it might be done by the time I finished."

"Shouldn't be too long. Should only take abo-"

Just then the toaster popped, making you jump a mile, and Rocket and Groot laugh at your reaction.

"Oh man, I don't get why you Terrans are so scared of that! Haha!"

You only glare at him before removing your toast and turning your attention to buttering it rather than engage about how you were definitely not scared of a toaster like you would have any other time. You just didn't feel like it today.

"I am Groot?"

"Yeah, you ok? Normally you yell back when I tease you about the toaster. You sick or something?"

You were finished buttering your toast so you turned to give him an unimpressed look. "What? If I don't yell at you, you think I must be sick?"

Rocket shrugged, "I mean, yeah?" He collected his and Groot's now empty bowls and hopped over to put them in the sink. "You've always yelled something back, what else I'm I supposed to think?" He turned back towards you and looked you over. "And are you supposed to look that... dead?"

You narrowed your eyes. "You supposed to be that bald?"

"What? I'm literally covered in fur." Rocket said, looking at you like he thought you were stupid.

"You won't be if I shave you, you little shit."

"I am Groot."

"I'm not sure if cranky's the word I'd use right now, buddy." Rocket said, throwing you a sideways glance. "Come on, let's go see if Drax wants to play cards or something." With that the pair left the room, leaving you alone to nibble at your toast and sip at your juice in peace.

It didn't exactly help the cramping in your stomach though, you realized as you placed your glass in the sink. You took a deep breath as another chill hit you and you rested over the sink a bit to get your bearings, taking a few more deep breaths hoping it would ease the cramping in your stomach.

Once you felt steady enough you left the kitchen, intent to get started on today's tasks, first being the dryer line, then changing the various air filters about the ship. You'd probably also get around to checking all the smoke detectors before lunch, but for now you just needed to get down to the laundry room to get started.

God, it was so cold.

You made your way down the hall from the kitchen and turned off towards the laundry room when you were startled by Yondu. He had been coming up the other hallway in the direction you were now headed and decided to greet you with a clap on the back and a loud, "Hey, squirt! What'cha doing?"

He always called you squirt, pipsqueak, munchkin, just because he knew it annoyed you to be called childish nicknames. To be fair, he did still call Peter, a fully grown man, 'boy,' as well as also sometimes calling him 'squirt,' and Gamora 'girl,' so at least you knew it wasn't personal.

The startle, as well as the impact of his hand meeting your shoulder sent you forward. You grabbed hold of the wall and tried to steady yourself as the hall spun around you.

"Whoa, ya alright there?" Yondu asked, not expecting to have thrown you so off balance.

You look up at him weakly and nod, breathing deeply through your nose as you held a hand to your stomach, still bent over slightly from where you had caught yourself. You thought you were going to be sick, but you were doing your damnedest to keep it together. "Yeah." you swallowed, trying to fight the slight tremors beginning to shake you. "Yeah, I'm good."

"Ya don't look it. I think you need to take your ass back to bed."

You glare at him. "I'm fine. I just need a sec." As if your body were trying to betray you, another chill shot through your spine, making you shake as a strong cramp made you fold into yourself with a, "Ow, fuck!"

Shit. You knew what was coming and there was nothing you could do to stop it. You quickly turned away from Yondu and vomited on the floor with such force that it felt like something had ripped your stomach open and you fought not to whimper at the pain. You heard him make a disgusted noise, and you didn't blame him.

Teeth chattering and dizzy, you looked at the mess and said, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I'll clean that up." Your vision swam as you shook, one hand gripping at the wall, the other still wrapped about your middle.

Before Yondu could think to respond you had dropped to your knees, thankfully missing the puddle of sick on the floor, and vomited again.

You couldn't stop shaking, and resigned into leaning into the wall, eyes closed as you turned your forehead to rest against the cold metal. Your breath came in shudders as you heard Yondu cry out, "Shit! Quill!" He sounded urgent, but you didn't have time to think about that, you were too busy shaking and trying not to vomit again.

You thought you heard Rocket's voice from up the hall say, "See! I knew you were sick!" and you briefly opened your eyes to look up and make out the little blurry figure approaching before closing them again, weakly throwing him the bird as you focused on keeping it together, both arms now clutching your stomach as you grimaced in pain. It would be over soon. You just needed to gather yourself so you could clean up the mess you made and then you could get on with your day. God your stomach hurt...

You heard Yondu call out for Peter a second time, more urgently than the first and adding, "Kraglin! Somebody! Get down here!" when you lost your battle against your stomach and vomited for a third time. This time Rocket's cries for Peter joined him. You wondered why they were freaking out and calling for Peter when you felt Yondu grab your shoulders to stop you from falling forwards, causing your eyes to pop open allowing you to see your puddle of sick was now red, though you couldn't remember eating anything red... Was the juice you drank red? No, it was green... "Well that's not ideal..." you slurred out, realizing that it probably definitely shouldn't be red, but couldn't quite get a grasp on exactly why you knew it shouldn't be.

The last thing you heard was the sounds of boots thundering down the hallway, getting closer as they mingled with the noises of Yondu and Rocket's shouting before everything went dark.

***

You woke up in your bed laying on top of your sheets. You still didn't feel great, your stomach still felt crampy and also now burned a bit, but it was better than the sharp pain of before and at least you didn't really feel nauseous anymore.

It was still really cold though. You sat up and your head swam. You looked down to see you were still in your sweater and contemplated putting another one on before deciding against it. You were going to be up moving around doing your chores in a second, you'd likely warm up then.

You gingerly pulled yourself out of bed, thinking you might go get some water first, when you looked over at your nightstand for the time and found that someone had already left you a glass. How kind. You sipped at the water and silently grumbled when you realized you had been asleep for nearly two hours.

Wait... why were you in bed again? You sort of remembered getting sick. Peter probably made you lay down a bit. He was a mother hen like that.

No matter, you were up now. Time to get to work.

You left your room and had made it about 20 feet before Gamora spotted you and ordered you back to bed. You made out her two stern faces staring at you... wait two? You thought she only had one of those?

"Why?" you ask, wondering if Peter's mother-hening had rubbed off on her. Way you saw it, you only threw up, it wasn't the end of the world.

"Because you're sick, that's why!" Gamora replied, sounding exasperated.

"I'm fine." you assured, making a face a her. "You worry too much, chicken. The sky's still there." Hmm... you might have gotten that phrase wrong, or did you? You couldn't quite remember. Oh well.

"Bed. Now." she ordered. You blinked and suddenly she once again only had one face. One very cross looking face. Oh well. You still knew better than to argue with her, regardless of how many faces she chose to wear today, so begrudgingly you turned around and went back to your room with a dramatic sigh.

When enough time passed that you were certain she'd be gone, you attempted your escape again. This time you got about halfway to the laundry when you spotted little Groot in the hallway. He looked at you contemplatively and said, "I am Groot?" which you took to mean he was probably asking if you were supposed to be up and out of bed. Leave it to Peter to tell the whole damn ship.

You gave the little guy your best smile and made a shushing gesture with your finger to your lips. "Our secret, right buddy?"

He smiled and ran off.

Taking that as an agreement to silence you went on your way only to not make it much further before hearing someone tell you to "Stop right there!" You turned to find Gamora and Peter looking very disapproving while Rocket stood there looking smug with little Groot sat on his shoulder. Knowing you were defeated, your shoulders fell as you said, "I know, I know. 'Back to bed.'" As you made your way past them you looked down at the little twig and muttered, "Traitor." only to be met with him sticking his little tongue out at you playfully.

Your third attempt was much the same, only this time it was Mantis who caught you and she wasn't quiet about it at all when she went running off yelling to Yondu that you were out of bed again, much to your chagrin as it prompted him to come out of a nearby room. He didn't even have to say anything. He just stared you down, and you held up your hands in defeat and said "Ok! Ok! I'm going!" before scurrying the best you could back to your room.

You didn't even get out of your room on your fourth attempt, having opened the door to find Drax had been walking by at just that moment. He stopped and narrowed his eyes at you with arms crossed, daring you to try it. You looked at him awkwardly a moment before sighing and just closing the door. Maybe you'd take a nap and wait them out. You were a little sleepy...

On your fifth attempt you got nearly to the doors of the laundry when you heard someone shout, "Where do you think you're going?! Get back to bed!"

You turned around irritably to see it was Peter and Kraglin now, looking fairly cross. Seriously!? Why can't they just let you be!

You crossed your arms. "I have to blow out the dryer line, asshat. Where are you going?" you sassed.

Kraglin leaned to Peter and muttered something you couldn't quite make out. Something about the flight hangar? Oh well, probably wasn't important.

Peter looked at you like you were a misbehaving child. "I'm going to take you back to bed, that where I'm going."

You rolled your eyes and waved him off this time, turning your back on him to continue on your quest.

"Hey!" he scolded, effortlessly catching up with you and grabbing your arm to stop you. "I'm not kidding, you need to go back to bed." He put a hand to your forehead, this time succeeding since he had you by the arm and you couldn't get away. "You're burning up. Come on, back to bed." he repeated.

"Screw off." you say weakly, the sudden motion of being grabbed making you dizzy.

"See this is what I mean. You need to rest." Peter's tone was slightly more gentle now, but it didn't make you any less cranky. "Do you really think you're gonna puke blood and then just be allowed to walk about like everything's fine? You're crazy. You need to stay in bed until a doctor can see you!"

Huh. So that hadn't been a dream... Maybe it was the fever talking, but you didn't really care too much. You didn't want or need to see a doctor. You tried to reason with him.

"If I don't blow the lint out of the line it could catch fire. You want that, Star-Brat?" Ok, so you were still a bit cranky, probably could have said that nicer. Oh well. You tried to pry his hand away but failed, sighing in frustration.

"Already did it." Kraglin lied, throwing a hinting look to Peter.

Taking the cue Peter nodded. "Uh- Yeah, he got it done while you were sleeping.'"

"See?" Kraglin said, "Now you got nothing to worry about and you can just get some rest."

You jerked your arm and this time succeeded in freeing yourself, but not without feeling faint. "Nice try." you say, stumbling back a little. "There's still other stuff I needed to get done."

Peter grabbed your arm again, afraid you might fall backward if he didn't, and this time wasted no time marching you in the direction of your room. "And it can all wait until tomorrow. Right now you rest. This is the last time we're gonna tell you."

You looked at him confused. Last time? Had there been others? Oh right... you thought remembered him and Gamora yelling at you once before... oh and Yondu... you had forgotten Yondu. Bunch of mother hens...

Too weak to free yourself again you settled for complaining that you were fine, and for Peter to just let you go about your business. It all went on deaf ears.

On the way back to your room the three of you passed by Yondu, who laughed and said, "Told ya the squirt would try and escape again, didn't I? Just as stubborn as the two of you boys."

Peter chuckled, looking to the blue man and saying, "Remember that time we had to literally tie Kraglin to the bed when he caught the Kree flu and wouldn't stay in the Med Bay?"

Kraglin rolled his eyes and Yondu laughed, looking at you. "Now there's an idea!"

You shot him a look. "If you tie me down I swear I'll gut all of you," you say crankily.

"Stay in bed then and we won't have a problem," Yondu grinned, adding, "Don't make us have to knock you out."

You glared at him again but finally allowed Peter to lead you back to your room with minimal grumbling.

Once in your room he threw back your covers and ordered you to get into bed or else he and Kraglin would tie you to it. Afraid they might actually follow through with the threat, you obeyed, grumbling about how they were treating you like a child.

"Quit acting like one and we won't have to," Kraglin quipped, pointing to the water glass on your table and stating how you needed to keep your fluids up and that it better be gone by the time one of them came back to check on you.

You just turned on your side away from them and grumbled out a sleepy, "Yeah, yeah. Leave me alone."

Satisfied that you'd finally stay put the two men left the room. Once Peter closed the door behind them Kraglin said, "I guess I better actually go clean that dryer line now, huh?"

Peter chuckled. "Yeah, maybe."

***

Peter met up with Gamora on the flight deck. "How soon until the Doc can get here?"

As soon as he, Gamora, and Kraglin had all ran down from the flight deck to see what Yondu and Rocket were yelling about and found you passed out in Yondu's arms in front of a puddle of your own all-too-bloody sick they immediately sent Kraglin back up to call one of Berhert's doctors to try and get one to meet them at the ship, knowing they were still about three days out from even thinking about landing.

"Still about a day out," Gamora answered.

"I'm getting nervous," Peter admitted since it was just he and Gamora alone now. He told her how you were you were practically burning to the touch when he was dragging you back to your room for the final time, and even though you put on a good act with the banter, you couldn't hide from him the fact that you couldn't stop shivering or the way you looked like death warmed over.

He also told her what Kraglin had said, how they thought the fever was getting to you. When they found you last you were making your way towards the flight hangar, but you thought you were headed towards the laundry. They were on opposite ends of the ship.

Gamora validated his concerns, taking his hand to comfort him before saying, "Don't worry, the doctor will get here in time."

Peter sighed and nodded.

If- No. When you got better, Peter was going to kick your ass for making him worry.

***

You woke up again a few hours later feeling thirsty and achy. You looked over to see you still had about a sip of water left and drank it. Placing the glass back on the nightstand you stared at the ceiling for a moment before realizing you also needed to pee. Ugh. Inconvenient. If you couldn't work or do anything else you'd at least rather be sleeping. Actually, now that you thought about it, right now you didn't even want to work anymore. You just wanted sleep.

You knew surely you wouldn't get yelled at for being out of bed for getting up to use the toilet, so you sat up with the intent to roll out of bed and walk across the hall to do your business. Maybe you'd get some more water on the way as well.

No sooner had you sat up did you see it in the corner. Your stomach flipped and you rubbed your eyes, but it was still there. With horror in your eyes and your urge to use the toilet completely forgotten, you stared at the horrifying sight, unable to make a sound.

In the corner of the room was a humanoid figure, looking like it had been skinned alive. It was eyeless, only dark oozing holes remained where its eyes should have been, same with its nose. It was twitching grotesquely, blood and yellow ooze sloughing off its body as it did so, puddling about the floor at its feet. It tilted its head at you with a wicked toothy grin of sharp yellow teeth.

You pressed yourself against the headboard, shaking like mad, only a tiny squeak able to leave your throat. Sweat tickled down your forehead but you didn't dare move to wipe it away.

You sat like this for what felt like an eternity but was likely only a few moments before you heard the door to your room open and heard Yondu's voice.

"Me and Rat just came to make sure ya didn't run away again." He chuckled, before noticing the state of you and his tone changed. "What's the matter?"

You didn't look at him, didn't say anything, not wanting to take your eyes off the monster or do anything that might spur it into motion, and pointed a trembling hand at it.

Yondu looked where you were pointing. There was nothing there.

He looked down at a confused Rocket and just muttered, "Shit," realizing that you were likely hallucinating from the fever. He spoke to you softly, easing himself into the room so as to not make any sudden movements, "Listen here now, there's nothing there. It's alright."

You swallowed hearing his words. There was nothing there. There was nothing there. It couldn't hurt you. It couldn't-

It took a step towards you.

"Please," you managed to get out, jerking back into the headboard, trembling. You silently begged that you would fall asleep, or wake up, anything to make the nightmare before you go away.

Yondu's eyes widened and he held up his hands as he took another gentle step toward you despite how you still hadn't looked his way. "It's alright, you're ok, whatever it is- it's not real."

"Please," you say again, pleadingly, "Please knock me out."

Yondu looked at you in confusion. "What?"

"Please... Please. Knock me out. Sedate me- I don't care." You begged. You believed his voice when it said the creature wasn't real, or at very least you wanted to believe it very badly. However, believing it wasn't real didn't change the fact that you could still see it. Tears started to leak from your eyes. "Please make it stop."

Seeing you beg like that tore at something in Yondu's heart. You guys all did scary shit all the time. Came with the job of being part of the "Guardians of the Galaxy." Everyone had seen each other scared at some point, but this was different.

He spoke softly. "Ok, ok." He looked at Rocket for assistance. When he had threatened to knock you out earlier it had only been a joke. Other than sucker-punching you, which he had no intention of doing, he didn't actually have anything he could give you that would knock you out.

Rocket spoke up, uncharacteristically softly, trying to be helpful. "Look, it's ok, we're here, you're safe." He made to jump up on the bed before Yondu could stop him.

A reddish oozing blob similar to the creature in the corner but with reddish eyes jumped up by your feet and you screamed.

Yondu's scolding cry to Rocket of "Dammit, boy! No!" was drowned out by your cry as you kicked and sent the horrible thing flying to the end of your bed. It just managed to keep from falling to the floor by sinking its claws into the blanket, and it stood back up with a shake. You shrieked as you threw your empty water glass right at the creatures head only for it to catch it and toss it aside on the bed.

Then you felt strong hands grab your wrists. You heard Yondu's voice calling your name, saying it was alright, that everything was ok, but it wasn't Yondu. It was the creature from the corner.

"I don't think that's helping!" Rocket said, hopping off the bed to narrowly avoid being kicked again.

"Well jumpin' up on the bed wasn't yer brightest idea either, boy!" Yondu scolded back. You were sliding down the headboard, trying to get away from him, so he switched tactics. He traded gripping your wrists in favor of wrapping his arms around you, effectively pining your arms with your wrists against your chest in a hug so he could rock you gently saying, "Shh, it's alright, you're safe. It's alright. Shh."

Tears ran down your face as the creature wrapped itself around you. You turned your face away, kicking and struggling to break free as you cried softly, "No no no! Please no!"

Yondu continued to rock you, hoping you'd snap out of it. After a couple more shushes and assurances that you were safe, that weren't quite working, he threw a sideways glance at Rocket. "This doesn't leave this room, got it?"

Rocket cheekily replied, "Me? Tell everyone you're a giant softie? Never!"

Yondu glared at him and was about to say something snarky in return when he heard Mantis from the doorway.

She peeked in nervously. "Is everything ok? I was walking by and I heard screaming."

Rocket got an idea. Drax had told him how Mantis had put Ego, an entire living planet, to sleep. Surely a mere Terran should be no problem. "Mantis come here, we need your help."

Mantis quickly but shyly entered your room. Seeing the state of you in Yondu's arms she worriedly asked the pair if you were ok.

"Not exactly." Rocket answered honestly, telling Mantis how the fever put you in a bad way, and they now needed her help to put you to sleep so you'd feel better.

"Think you can do that for us, Bug?" Yondu asked, still holding you tightly as you cried and struggled to get away, his eyes nearly pleading.

Mantis nodded.

You felt the creature's arms wrap tighter and you kicked fruitlessly. You had kept your eyes shut tightly, but upon feeling that you almost had an arm free you allowed them to open.

You regretted it.

There was now also a shorter monster, just like the one from the corner that had you now in its clutches. Dark horns protruded from its forehead and it opened its glistening maw as it reached a bloodied, oozing hand toward your face.

You threw back your head in a weak, terrified, cry of anguish, struggling against the hold of the other monster as you kicked and sobbed a desperate, "Please no! Don't!" before once again darkness enveloped you.

Your struggling ceased and Yondu laid you down to rest on your pillow, brushing some sweaty hair back from your eyes before standing up.

"Jeez," Rocket said, shaking his head and wondering aloud what you had seen that made you do "that."

Yondu looked down to see that Rocket wasn't just referencing your terrified crying and thrashing. He made a face of pity before sighing and looking up at Mantis. "Sweetheart, I need ya to go fetch Gamora for me, alright? If ya can't find her get Drax. I'm gonna go find some more sheets."

***

When Mantis came and told Gamora what had happened she immediately had Peter call the doctor they sent for to ask him what to do. You were clearly worsening and Peter was worried the doctor wouldn't get there in time.

Once on the line and after finding your temperature was over 40°C, and learning about the hallucinations, the doctor instructed that you needed to be cooled down immediately, and suggested they place you in a cold bath or shower. After that, they needed to keep your fluids up and monitor your fever.

Until the doctor would get there in about 18 hours, there was unfortunately not much else he could tell them to do.

So they waited.

***

The next time you fully came-to was nearly two days later.

You woke up in your bed feeling tired but better than before. Your stomach was still slightly achy, but the terrible cramping was gone. You also didn't feel as cold and stiff as you previously had.

You sat up, this time without the room performing cartwheels as you did so, and you took that as a good sign.

The room was dimly lit, but you still noticed you were wearing different clothes. You also felt... cleaner than you'd expect, for lack of better word. You realized the implications were that one of the others had likely bathed and re-dressed you and you resolved not to think too much about it as you felt a blush start to creep up your neck.

A loud snore startled you and you looked over to see Drax asleep in a chair between the wall and your bed, an open magazine spread across his stomach where he must have fallen asleep reading it.

You quietly swung your feet over the bed, intent on stretching your legs a bit, but you were startled again when your feet touched down on the floor and a loud tinkling of bells set off, startling Drax awake in turn.

After a grunt and a rub of his eyes he looked at you disapprovingly, asking what you were doing.

"I was just going to walk around a bit," you answer, doing your best not to be snarky. "Why the hell are there bells trip-wired to my bed?"

"You're supposed to stay in bed. You kept trying to get up and falling. It was Rocket's idea so we'd hear you trying to escape."

It was your turn to make a disapproving face, but you supposed you couldn't exactly be mad at them for caring, even if it seemed unnecessary. "Well, why are you here?"

"We've been taking shifts to watch over you, Peter said we were waiting for your fever to break, but I told him waiting for your temperature to return to normal would be sufficient."

"Oh," is all you could say, brushing off his absurd literalness. "Um, thank you." you add quietly. You hadn't realized.

"Yes. Now will you go back to bed, or do you need help going to the toilet again?"

You blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Well, each time you were almost awake enough to think you could walk the past couple days it was because you needed to use the toilet or you were going to vomit. I just assumed you were doing it again. You're very stubborn."

"No, Drax." you say, blushing fully now. You weren't sure if you were embarrassed more by his bluntness or the new knowledge that the others had to help you pee and clean up your sick. You didn't even want to think about if they had to wipe your ass. You'd literally die. "Even if I did, I can do it by myself. I feel much better now." It wasn't until then that it hit you what he had said. "Wait- Did you say two days?"

"I did."

"I've been out... for two days?"

"Yes."

"So... this whole time? ...You guys have been looking out for me?"

"Yes." Drax answered, seeming confused why you'd even ask. "Us and the doctor that came by yesterday." He raised an eyebrow. "Why are you crying?"

You wiped at your eyes quickly, having wished he hadn't noticed the tears that sprang to your eyes and filled your waterline. "I'm not," you sniff, looking down a the bed. "Just... Thanks. You didn't need to do that, so thanks. You can go to bed now. I feel better now. Sorry."

Drax stood. "Why are you apologizing? That's what family is supposed to do." He picked up a thermometer that had been placed on your nightstand and aimed it at your forehead. "And we did need to. You are small and weak like Peter. You would have died if we hadn't." The thermometer beeped and Drax read it. "You're right, your temperature is almost back to normal. But I suggest you still go back to sleep."

You wanted to tell him he was being dramatic about the dying part, but then you remembered that you actually didn't really remember much past seeing your bloody vomit, and you had absolutely no memory of any doctor, so you didn't push it.

"If your fever is gone you no longer need to be watched. I'll let the others know. Goodnight." Drax said, walking around the bed towards the door.

"Uh, Drax?"

He turned to you. "Yes?"

You wrapped your arms around his middle. "Thanks again."

He returned the hug, patting you on the back as he said, "You don't need to thank me. I know you'd do the same in return. Now sleep."

You pulled back from the hug and nodded, a gesture that you'd be good and go to sleep.

Drax seemed to want the confirmation of you getting back under the covers though, so with a light laugh huffed through your nose you crawled back between the sheets and obeyed. Seemingly satisfied, Drax finally left.

***

You woke the next morning feeling almost completely like yourself again.

You washed up and dressed, but not before removing the trip-wire bells from your bed, and then you made your way out of your room to get a glass of water and see if you could find the others.

Turned out, both the water and your teammates were all in the same place.

You walked into the kitchen to find everyone already inside. Before you could say anything Kraglin spoke up.

"Look! The world's worst patient lives!" he said with a grin.

"Nah, Krags, that's still you." Yondu corrected, giving you a wink as Peter agreed with him, but amended that it was a close race.

You walked over to a cabinet to get yourself a glass. "Drax told me what you guys did, and- well, thanks," you say walking over to the sink. "I mean, spare me the details, I don't want to hear anymore about it than what Drax already told me happened, but still, thanks. You didn't need to." You filled your glass and turned back to face them, sipping your water.

Yondu noted your blush and nudged you in the arm on his way to the coffee. "Don't mention it, kid."

This sentiment was met with nods and verbalizations of agreement from the others. You were family. That's what family did.

"Kay, but next time, which I hope there won't be, just stay in bed." Peter laughed.

"Yeah, yeah." you say, grumbling playfully.

"You hear that? Someone write that down." said Rocket, "We're going to hold you to that."

"Don't push it." you say, eyeing the raccoon.

"What? Your stubborn ass only tried to escape like a hundred times," Kraglin joked.

"And that's my cue to get to work," you say, setting your glass on the counter with the intent to run away from this conversation. However, you were stopped by Yondu grabbing your sleeve with an "Ah, Ah" and Gamora shoving a bowl of Yarrow Root across the table with the command to "Eat something first. You don't want to set yourself back and get sick again."

You sighed but didn't argue, knowing it was better to comply and realizing you were a little hungry anyway. You took a root from the bowl and bit into it to satisfy your friends.

That's when Peter speaks up and tells you that the doctor said you needed to take it easy for at least a day or two.

You narrowed your eyes. "When?"

"When she was here."

"When was that?" You take another bite of the root.

"Couple days ago."

You swallow. "Well then I'm considering that as time served." you say, deciding you'd take your breakfast to go.

Drax blocked your path.

"Um, can I get through?"

"No. Quill said this might happen. I'm stopping you from escaping. Finish your breakfast."

You shoot a glare at Peter before giving a hopeful look to Rocket. "You can talk some sense into them, right?"

Rocket shrugged. "Not my problem." before collecting Groot and leaving the kitchen with Mantis, who mouthed the word "Sorry" to you as they left.

You sighed, knowing there sure as hell wasn't any reasoning with the other five. "Really? This is what we're gonna do?"

"Yep." Peter grinned. Yondu and Kraglin simply shrugged behind their coffee.

Once you relented and sat down Gamora stood and stated that it wouldn't kill you to rest after being sick before leaving with Drax, who had apparently decided his job as security guard was now over. He said he was glad you were feeling better before following Gamora to the door and saying to her, without consideration that you could still hear, something to the tune that he imagined you felt better... now that you weren't puking and soiling yourself.

You choked on your water.

The other three pretended to be utterly fixated with the table and walls of the kitchen and you covered your face with your hands and moaned, "Next time please let me die."

"Will ya settle for us forgettin' it happened and never speakin' of it again?" Kraglin asked, fighting back a chuckle.

"Yes please." you squeaked from behind your hands.

Seeing an opportunity and taking it Peter added, "You still have to take the next couple days easy though."

"Anything!" you promise, lowering your head to the table.

"I think we got ourselves a deal." Yondu laughed, getting up to put his now empty coffee cup in the sink. "C'mon squirt, I'm sure we can find somethin' to take your mind off it."

And you did. You spent the next couple days just hanging around the ship with the guys and watching old movies Peter had collected over the years, telling funny stories, playing cards, and actually keeping your promise to let your body rest. Before long the whole ordeal was all but forgotten, but you were still always grateful for your family.

You knew no matter what, they had your back.

[dreamdropxoxo]

Tattoo Shop AU - Part 3

Part 1, Part 2

“He‘s here again,“ Nicaise chirped when he entered the backroom and Laurent groaned. 

“No, he isn‘t.“

“Yes, he is.“ Nicaise‘s shit eating grin was too much for him on a Monday morning. Laurent wanted to burrow back into his bed and pretend this wasn’t happening. The overgrown puppy, disguised as unfairly attractive man, wasn’t truly part of his routine now. Why had the guy to be so—, to be so fucking cute? A man this size shouldn‘t be allowed to be cute. 

“Good morning, Damen! How are you?“ Auguste’s excited voice filtered through the door. “Come with me, you have to tell me about the game. Such a shame I couldn’t be there yesterday.“ Yes, they were also not talking about the fact that Auguste was a fucking traitor who hung out with the man of Laurent’s very vivid and definitively not G-rated dreams. They went to watch football together. 

The door opened again and in came Auguste and Damen, whose face lit up when he saw Laurent. Laurent, who really tried his best to keep his Monday Morning Scowl in place. It didn’t work. He could feel how his facial muscles betrayed him in the most outrageous way possible when he gave the large man the tiniest smile. He blamed it on the dimple.

“Good morning, Damen.“

“Good morning, Laurent.“ His voice was so frigging pleasant Laurent couldn‘t decide if he wanted to drag him over the small table between them and kiss him senseless or if he wanted to listen to him ramble about the game to Auguste forever. He was so whipped it was embarrassing. Especially when he caught Nicaise’s eye and the younger man smirked at him and waggled his eyebrows, before walking over to Damen and retrieving his coffee. 

“What is it this time?“, he asked excitedly and Laurent was a little consoled that he wasn‘t the only one completely enamored with their frequent visitor.

“Salted Caramel Mocha,“ Damen replied and handed him a cup. Laurent snorted when Nicaise gave a delighted little noise. They were all so damn easy for this man. Well, to be completely honest, Damen was exceptionally good with people. He had taken one look at Auguste and then the two of them had already waxed poetics about football and volleyball and basketball and every other sport with sweaty people and balls, pun completely intended on Laurent’s part. As soon as he had coaxed Jord to tell him about his Art Major, he had become so invested that Jord had even showed him his sketch book, which was something only Laurent, Nicaise and Auguste had ever had the honor of seeing before. And then he had set his eyes on Nicaise, who normally acted like a feral cat whenever a stranger tried to come close to him. He had asked him gently about his coffee order for the next day and Nicaise had unthinkingly said, “I don’t care just make sure it’s sugary enough. The last one was as bitter as Laurent when he thinks about his nonexistent sex life,“ which had resulted in Damen blushing hard enough that it was clearly visible even on his dark skin and returning with the most outrageous drink Laurent had ever heard of. Since then the man surprised Nicaise with something every time he came over. Which the younger man would never admit to, but made him a little less prickly during the rest of the day. Another reason to adore the man.

“I take it everything’s healing up fine?” Auguste asked and Laurent really didn’t need to think about whatever could be healing up wherever on Damen’s body. He didn’t think about all the possibilities, nope, not him. He wasn’t that thirsty or desperate. He could totally handle himself. But if Damen had nipple piercings he would probably start crying right where he sat. The broad chest would be the perfect display of a delicate gold chain connecting pierced nipples. It didn’t help that Laurent loved piercings on the guys he took to bed. How long was it since he had sex?

He stood abruptly. He would not think about his pitiful sex life on a Monday morning at work.

“Oh, absolutely, everything’s perfect. No trouble at all. By the way, I wanted to ask you if you had time for an appointment? I saw—.” Laurent interrupted him before he could give him even more ideas.

“It was nice seeing you, Damen. Thank you for the coffee. I must excuse myself as I have to prepare for the first client.” 

Damen looked at him with the chagrined expression of someone who had hoped for a pat on the head and an affectionate smile. “You have to go already?”

And Laurent was so helpless to his honest disappointment, that he actually paused for a second. “I do, yes. But if you want you can come over, the client arrives in only half an hour, Auguste can show you.” He left before Damen’s delighted face could make him promise or offer even more outrageous things.

[jae-daddy]

Play

im jaebum mini series 

one / two / three / four / five / six (final) masterlist 

pairing: jaebum x reader genre: friends, angst, jealousy plot: you and jaebum have been really great friends. things have been going smoothly because neither of you were in a real relationship, flings? sure, but girlfriends/boyfriends? no. so when Jaebum starts going out with Emma (a bitch), you can’t help but act out <3 a/n: I dont know why I do this to myself... hope y’all like it. this is written very casually. this one will be like six part absolute max. 

“Hey, you know this isn’t going to happen right?”

“Huh?”

“This,” he gestured to the two of you sitting in your dark room. The bed comfortable underneath you as you watched Tangled. You realised how you were leaning against him; your head on his shoulder, your side pressed against him. “This isn’t going to happen.”

“Yeah,” you blew out, making a comical face as you snorted. “Of course not.”

You leaned away from him slightly, straightening onto the pillows behind you instead. You stared at the screen, your cheeks burning, “That would be hilariously disgusting, honestly.”

Shit.

Shit.

“Excuse me,” you said once the movie ended. Before the dark-haired boy could reply you walked into your bathroom, closing the door behind you.

You caught yourself in the mirror. Your eyes wide, your hair a mess, and a face of a fucked up girl staring back at you.

“Shit!” You hissed, quietly, as you stared at yourself.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.” You repeated as you kicked the cabinet underneath the sink. You closed your eyes, running your hands through your hair. You kept out a quick breath, as you rested your hands on the bench.

You leaned in closer to the mirror as you stared into your eyes.

“You got this,” you spoke with resolution. “You’re going to go back in there and act like everything is normal.”

You took in your messed up hair and fixed it into place. You corrected yourself and checked in the mirror. You bit your lip as you gawked at the neckline of your t-shirt in contemplation.

“Fucks sake,” you muttered under your breath, tugging it down to reveal your bra strap. You check your hair once again, sighing deeply to calm yourself.

“Alright, let’s do this.” You walked out the door and into your dimly lit room.

You found your friend sitting on the bed where you had left him. He looked up from his phone, his lips quirking up as he rose his eyebrows, “Have a good piss?”

“Yup, I had been holding it the whole movie,” you replied, as you strolled over to the bed.

Maybe that was why Im Jaebum did not want to fuck you. You talked without a filter and had a grand total of freaking zero charm and wit that other girls had. For some reason when you hung out with Jaebum, you liked to talk and behave like a guy with a dick, instead of a girl who wanted to jump his bones.

You were the goddess of seduction, taking about holding in your piss. Who in their right mind would not want to bury their cock inside a pussy that had been holding its pee for a whole movie.

“We could’ve paused the movie,” Jaebum tsked, getting up to sit straight. The laptop slipped from his lap and onto the bed.

You paused and spun on your heels as you began walking towards the mini-fridge in your room. It wasn’t that you were rich. You had saved up to get this mini prize keeper, so the thieves you lived with didn’t steal your treasure.

“A drink, Jae?” You asked as you bent to open the fridge and grab a bottle for yourself.

“Yeah, why not,” he answered, and you grabbed his favourite. You turned, holding it up and he chuckled before staring at you with a smirk, “You have a problem, y/n.”

“What do you mean?” You frowned, skipping over before jumping onto the bed. You didn’t have a bed frame. You weren’t sure if it was because you were poor or if you liked the low-key fashionable homeless aesthetic.

Jaebum took the drink from you, sipping it as he stared at you over the bottle.

“It is a Wednesday night,” he smiled at you, those ridiculously cute little bumps appearing on his cheekbones as he teased, “and you’re drinking.”

“So? are you too,” You scowled.

“Yes, but that’s cause you offered.”

“Yeah, how is that any different?” Your frown deepened as you took a big gulp. You reached for the laptop bringing it onto your lap. You opened a new tab, “Lesbian or gay porn?”

“Y/n,” Jaebum warned. His voice light, a little stern.

You peeped over at him with a teasing smile. You rose an eyebrow holding back your growing grin, “Gang bang then?”

His eyes widened, with a warning.

“With animal suits on?” You gasped, beaming at him as he shook his head. “Now wouldn’t you say that’s a little too furry for a Wednesday night?”

“Shut up,” he closed the laptop, making you turn towards him. You rolled your eyes as you bought the bottle to your lips, chugging it.

“Hey, come on,” he took the bottle off you.

“Hey!” You whined, watching as he placed both your bottles on the floor behind him. He took your hands in his warm hands, and you felt an entire zoo go wild in your stomach.

How could he not realise what he does to you?

“Y/n, listen to me,” Jaebum sighed heavily. You studied his face and instantly looked away. He was terribly gorgeous, so attractive that it should be illegal.

And the way he was looking at you... How could he possibly say nothing could ever happen between you when he looks at you like that.

No one ever looked at anyone like that, not unless they wanted to fuck. Im Jaebum looked at you, properly, truly looked at you. He was looking at you with the presence of his mind, not just staring at you while his mind was elsewhere.

He was watching you, studying you.

You didn’t know if friends did that, especially ones you met a few years ago. It wasn’t just you who felt this energy between you. Everyone else watches the two of you too. Always monitoring for a change between the two of you, a classic would they- won’t they.

There were times when you were so close. There were times when you and him were a second away from finally getting rid of this stressful sexual tension between the two of you.

You glanced away from his eyes. You wouldn't be able to help yourself if you kept looking into those melting brown eyes, and those delicate lips.

You would end up kissing him and whose fault would that be? You would have no choice but to blame him and those beautiful brown eyes.

Jaebum tugged at your hand, making you look up at him. You sulked at him, letting him know you didn’t enjoy this. His eyes watched you, even in the dim fairy lights of your room, you could make out the golden streaks in them as if you had memorised the patterns they made.

You probably did. You were always looking into them, or thinking about them.

About him.

You gulped as his eyes darted down towards your lips for a split second.

“Y/n,” he spoke, his voice soft and serious.

“Jaebum,” you sang, trying to be clever when truly you were scared he’ll realise how sweaty your palms were getting.

“I can’t look after you forever.”

You nodded, snorting, “I don’t need you on my ass all day too, Jae.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I,” you replied, holding his hand now. “I am a grown woman. I have a job and a degree and everything. The sixteen-year-old me would be crying if she saw me right now.”

“She’d be proud to see you live without a bed frame?” He rose an eyebrow.

“It’s a lifestyle choice.” You deadpanned, he bit his lip to hold back that betraying smirk.

“Alright, fine,” he sighed, he gazed down at you. His hands holding yours again, once again, he was holding power in the conversation. “You know we can’t always be like this, right?”

“Yeah, but that’s not happening anytime soon,” you snorted, you tried smiling but you couldn’t. Your smile weakened when you saw that look flash in his eyes.

Pity, it was fucking pity.

“Actually,” he started, and you wanted to stop him. You wanted to send him away before he began. “Emma and I have been getting serious now.”

“Hook up Emma?”

They had been hooking up for a few months now. It was causal, she was just the new flavour of the season. Or at least that’s what she was meant to be, but then she started showing up everywhere.

You open Jaebum’s car door to sit shotgun, she is sitting there. You go to Joanna’s for the weekly Friday nights, Emma is there. You make a plan to go hiking over the weekend, surprise, Emma has made herself available.

You wouldn’t have minded if she was nice, but she was an actual bitch. You saw the way she looked at you. You could see straight through the expression on her face as she kissed Jaebum, making sure you were watching.

His phone dinged beside him, and you could bet your firstborn it was her. You felt happy when Jaebum didn't reach for it instantly.

“She isn’t just a hookup,” Jaebum told you, his eyes holding yours. You felt your heart drop at his words. It hurt to see him so protective over someone else, so much that he spoke to you like that.

Jaebum never told you anything. He would tell you stuff, joke, talk, but he never told you something. He never corrected you off so seriously, not unless it was something important.

Seems like Emma unlocked a new level.

“Alright,” you replied soulless, as you took your hand out from his grasp. You pressed the nail of your middle finger into your thumb-pad to stop the prickling in your eyes. “Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

You both sat quietly for a few more seconds before you reached over him. You felt your chests press against his arm as you grabbed your bottle from his other side. You could’ve moved away, but you didn’t want to.

You felt his breath catch before he held it, exhaling it out softly. You felt its warmth brush against your neck, you wanted to feel it all over your body.

You straightened, downing the whole bottle as you held his gaze.

Jaebum gulped visibly before casting his eyes away. He reached for his own bottle taking a big swig, his eyes not looking at you.

“We’re together, y/n.”

You laughed.

“I’m sorry?” you chuckled, staring at him as if he was losing his marbles. She would eat him up alive, and then vomit it out and make him eat himself up. She would ruin him.

“Emma and I are in a relationship. She’s my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” You laughed, your mind blanking. Your heart speeding up frantically as your body went into overdrive.

Stupid. This whole thing was stupid.

A fucking stupid shit show.

“What are you in fifth grade? Girlfriend?” You snickered at him. Jaebum only stared at you a frown on his face.

“Stop laughing at me.”

“I’m not laughing at you,” you tried to make it better but you couldn’t.

You were laughing at yourself. At how fucking stupid you were, at how you were having a literal mental breakdown right now.

“No, actually I am laughing at you.” You shrugged.

“Fuck you,” he groaned, staring at you with loathing.

“Oh, come on,” you hit his arm, playfully. You didn’t know what you were doing. You had absolutely no fucking idea what to do. What is one to do when their crush is going out with the spawn of the devil, and not even the hot kinda devil.

“No, fuck you, y/n,” he grunted, annoyed, as he watched you who was failing to stop laughing. You weren’t laughing because you wanted to, your body just didn’t know what else to do.

“I’m not laughing at you. I just don’t know how to process this.”

“There isn’t anything for you to process,” Jaebum grumbled, lifting his arms in confused defeat. “Just accept.”

“You don’t need any approval of mine, Jae,” you rolled your eyes as you got off the bed and walked towards the mini-fridge. You needed another drink, another lot more drinks. “You are just informing me, and you have. You know I don’t like her vibes.”

“Oh, stop with your witchy voodoo crap,” he groaned, and you could recognise him roll his eyes. You turned to ask him if he wanted another drink, he just shook his head.

“It’s not voodoo, I don’t chant any spells. Her energy is just off.”

“She’s great-”

“-at sucking dick.”

“Y/n,” he warned.

“Fine,” you gave in. Your phone dinged, and you reached over, smiling at the glowing screen.

Dickdown 9/10: You up?

Perfect.

“Are you staying?” You asked Jaebum, inspecting up when he didn’t reply.

You found him staring at you, and you rose an eyebrow, “What?”

“Who’s that?” He narrowed his eyes.

“It’s none of your business,” you smirked. You needed to fuck Im Jaebum out of your system. There was no way you were going to spend tonight sober, and drinking alone would be worse.

And spending the night with Jaebum would be just sad mostly.

“Are you kicking me out?” He smirked at you, teasing.

“Well, Emma isn’t here to kick me out, so...” you trailed off.

“Alright, fine,” he got grabbing his jacket. You watched as he put it on, before running his hands through his hair.

“Bye, Jae,” you whispered.

Jaebum looked down at you, his eyes soft as he sighed, “I wish you weren’t so much trouble, y/n.”

You didn't say anything and only smiled up at him.

“Goodbye, y/n,” Jaebum leaned down, kissing your forehead.

You watched him walk out of your room, the door closing behind him.

You let out a shaky breath as you wiped the tears that slipped from your eyes.

“Fucking hell,” you muttered before downing the second bottle.

You reached for your phone.

Get here in 15 mins.

Dickdown 9/10: Five ;)

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Do-S Kyuuketsu VERSUS Ⅱ Vol.6 Yuma VS Azusa [TRACK 5]

Original title: レゾンデートル

Source: Diabolik Lovers VERSUS II Vol. 6 Yuma VS Azusa [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Tatsuhisa Suzuki & Kishio Daisuke

Translator’s note: I think I have said this before when translating his Bloody Bouquet CD, but Yuma gives the best pep talks. Out of all the DL characters, he really seems the most down-to-earth and reasonable when it comes to both accepting and expressing his emotions. All of the others are conflicted or too stubborn to admit how they truly feel, but Yuma has very little filters and that’s honestly what I appreciate about him. It makes for such a nice change of pace.

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 ll Track 6

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 5: Raison D’être

*CRASH*

Yuma enters the room.

Yuma: ...That damn door finally opened up. Listen up...Unlike ya guys, I can’t enter this room through that narrow well. ‘Cause of that, it took me a while to bust inside of here.

Azusa: Yuma...I thought you went to see Ruki? 

Yuma: I got kinda worried. That maybe you’d totally lose your mind from the lunar eclipse and that Sow over there wouldn’t make it out alive. 

*Rustle*

Yuma: ーー And sure enough. Who said he wouldn’t do anythin’, huh?

Azusa: ...!

Yuma walks up to you.

Yuma: Oi, everythin’ alright? I figured ya might have lost an arm or a leg, but Azusa seems to be the one injured instead. The fuck’s goin’ on?

*Rustle*

Yuma: By the way, Azusa. You’re still spoutin’ that bullshit, huh?

Azusa: What do...you mean?

Yuma: Don’t play dumb. You know, the stuff where you’d ask us to hurt ya. ...Geez, keep that kinda fucked up shit to the bare minimum already, won’t ya?

Azusa: You just don’t...understand.

Yuma: Haahn!?

Azusa: I’m different from you. I’m utterly useless...nor can I ever be of use. On top of that, I’m always...strange, as if someone has taken control of my brain. I thought that I could finally become normal thanks to the eclipse...

Yuma: That’s not true...!

Azusa: Getting hurt...is where my value lies. Right, Eve?

Yuma: Haahー!?

Azusa: That’s the only value I have in life so...Why? Yuma...Why am I jealous of you?

Yuma: Che...I don’t have a fuckin’ clue whatcha talkin’ ‘bout, mate. 

Azusa: This is strange...It makes no sense. I want to blame it all on the moon but...When you look at or are hurt by Yuma...This strong anger wells up inside of me...and my chest aches...I feel like I’m going crazy...Bearing the pain is what makes me valid. I’m well aware of this butーー This pain in particular, is hard to endure...

Yuma...! Is the little voice in my head responsible for this as well!? He makes me believe that...Eve belongs only to me. I can’t stop it. Even though I’m so utterly useless...Even though I can never become Adam...Still, Iーー

He looks over at you.

Azusa: I want to keep Eve...all for myself.

*Rustle*

Azusa: I...want you.

Yuma: Honestly, I really don’t get ya. To be blunt, you’re the type of guy I have a hard time dealin’ with. Both now and in the past. ...Anyway, don’t ya think it’s ‘bout time ya understand this? Ruki told ya as well, no? We’re brothers. While we may have different roles to fulfill in the family, there’s no hierarchy between us.

Azusa: ...

Yuma: Try and remember the time at the orphanage. Bet ya can’t forget ‘bout it even if ya wanted to? All of us received the same shit treatment. We were all equally punched and hurt.

Azusa: But...!

Yuma: No but’s or however’s! You’re the only one of us who still clings to the concept of a hierarchy...! Your current life is completely different from the one you led back when living at the wanderers’ camp! ...So gettin’ jealous...or wantin’ to hog the Sow all for yerself...is totally valid. 

Azusa: ...! Yuma...?

*Rustle*

Yuma: But ya know, she’s the one thing I can’t just hand over to ya. Desire isn’t somethin’ ya can control through reason.

Azusa: Desire...?

Yuma: It’s the same as wantin’ to eat. Ya can’t suppress it.

Azusa: But...Up till now...I’ve never thought like this...

Yuma: Is that truly so? ...Well, I’m not ya, so I can’t tell for sure whether ya felt it as strong or not, but I guess people just differ?  ーー Say...

Yuma suddenly pulls you close.

*Rustle*

Yuma: Isn’t that true? ...Well, I honestly don’t think it’s worth stressin’ yerself out over it. Don’t ya think this lil’ voice in yer head ya keep on talkin’ ‘bout...is actually just yer own feelings speakin’? 

Azusa: My...own?

Yuma: Yeah. Ya think way too much ‘bout stuff like ‘bein’ useful’ or ‘the reason behind yer existence’...In reality, there’s nothin’ wrong with ya at all. It’s normal to exist.

Ruki: Ruki and...Kou too? Do they feel the same way?

Yuma: ...Ya better not say that in their faces. You’re gonna get smacked on the head. You’re crazy ‘cause ya keep on restrainin’ yerself. Notice that already. Right here...There’s nobody who would get a kick out of hurtin’ ya...

Azusa: ...T-Then...This pain in my chest can...just stay the way it is...?

Yuma: Ya like pain, don’t ya? Just accept it. ...Besides, if it’s makin’ ya uncomfortable, then try and do somethin’ ‘bout it.

Yuma hugs you close.

*Rustle rustle*

Yuma: My bad but...Ya might have to try and steal her away from me. If ya do that, the pain might just fade away.

*Smooch*

Azusa: Oh...Steal? Can I...? Do I have the right to...?

Yuma: Idiot. That isn’t somethin’ ya need my permission for. However, she’s mine.

Azusa: You can’t...Eve...belongs to me.

Yuma: God...Ya really are stubborn after all. But it’s also fascinatin’. Makes it worth takin’ her from ya after all. Mmh...

*Smooch*

Azusa: ...I don’t think I can grow to like this pain so...I need her. 

Yuma: I see. Fine by me. Bring it on. Let’s have her decide which one of us she prefers. Of course...

*Rustle*

Yuma: ーー With these bad boys.

Yuma bites you.

Yuma: Nn...Mmh...

Azusa: You can’t, Yuma...She is...mine Eve. Come on, don’t face his way. Look at me...If you won’t, I’ll do this...

Azusa bites you as well.

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp*

Yuma: Nice expression you’re rockin’ there, Sow...How does it feel to have two Vampires toy with ya at the same time? Hehe...

Azusa: Haah...Eve...Does it hurt? Or does it feel good? ...I’ll make you feel even better.

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp*

Azusa: Mmh...

*Gulp gulp*

Yuma: Oi, oi, Azusa...With that sorta technique, you’ll only tickle her a lil’. This is what a...real bite looks like! Haahn...

*Sluuuuurp*

Yuma: ...Hahー! ...See? Seems like she feels so good, she’s at a total loss for words. Hahn...Mmh...

*Sluuuuurp*

Azusa: It’s not just about strength...Say? I know where it feels good for you...I’ll pierce you with my fangs exactly there...Haahn...

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp*

Azusa: Mm...

*Gulp*

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp*

*Sluuuuurp*

Azusa: Nn...Haah...Look this way, Eve...It feels good, doesn’t it? Let’s...kiss. Mmh...Nn...

*Smooch*

Azusa: Nn...

*Smooch*

Yuma: Borin’...For one, you’ve never been this fixated on her before, have ya? 

Azusa: ...Haah...Today is...special. However, when I think about it... I might have actually...been obsessed with her this whole time. I simply didn’t realize...but thanks to the moon, it became clear...Mmh...

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp gulp*

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp*

Azusa: Mmh...

*Sluuuuurp*

Yuma: Come on...Gimme some as well...Hahn...

*Sluuuuurp*

Yuma: Mmh...Nn...Ya better don’t let that guys’ words get to ya too much...Nnh...

*Sluuuuurp*

Azusa: No fair...Yuma...You can’t just hog her for yourself...

Yuma: Shut up! I don’t take orders from anyone!

Azusa: ...Eve...Do you like Yuma’s that much? However, mine are good too, you know...I mean, look...My fangs fit you so perfectly, they can give you the pain you desire at once. Haah...

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp gulp*

Yuma: Ahn? Bein’ a lil’ cheeky there, aren’t ya? 

*Sluuuuurp*

Yuma: Ah...This is bad...I said that but...Haah...It kinda sounds like I’m tryin’ to tell ya to hold yerself back, huh? That’s weird...

Azusa: I don’t care if it’s cheeky or not...I love Eve...Mmh...

*Sluuuuurp*

*Gulp*

Yuma: Che...Annoyin’...That kinda sappy stuff isn’t for me. 

*Rustle*

Yuma: I’ll use my fangs...to have her confess her feelings for me.

Azusa: I wonder who will achieve that faster?

Yuma: Sow...Say you love me...

*Rustle*

Azusa: Eve obviously loves me more...Right? You do, don’t you? Of course you do...Mmh...

*Gulp gulp*

Yuma: Ah yeah, yeah. Just tell yerself that. ...Come on, Sow. Don’t get distracted by him.

*Sluuuuurp*

The two of them continue sucking your blood.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[rayshippouuchiha]

Can I be honest?

Ao3 actually kept me from harm BECAUSE it hosted darker content that is well tagged.

Let me explain. I started my fanfiction days pretty young and in ff.net no less. I loved reading and I was curious. First thing I learned before going on the internet was from my father (the internet is not for kids, stay sharp, you going into an adult place, act like it). I was very careful but I was still curious.

So, I started small, but because of the ff.net tag mess I did get burned. A few times. Sudden violence, amputations, sex scenes (god i remember the lemon scale bs, as if i understood it in the first place) (this was before the purge). This was because all the well written fics were mostly in the M rating but had no specific tags so I had no idea if the M was for torture, cursing, or god knows what, I couldn't filter out anything.

Some of those things I still remember, they left a mark in a way, but that wasn't the writer's fault because they couldn't tag and I ignored the author note sections because most of the time it was just rambles of the author talking with the characters self-insert style or about their real life problems, how was I supposed to find a warning in that kind of mess? And that's on me.

In that period I kinda got introduced to sex, a thing that wasn't talked about around me in real life. I was already a bit older, so I read it no problem. Then got introduced to kinks and found them interesting.

That's where Ao3 comes in. I found it when looking at fic recs and saw a new internet address instead of ff.net. For me, it was the holy grail. I was still a young curious teen girl but suddenly had access to a whole library of cool shit. I read a lot of mainstream fics and switched between fandoms like a deck of cards. Then, I saw the E rating. I was interested and clicked. Clicked through the adult content warnings like a true kid lying about their age on the internet.

I saw tags galore! Now, for the first time I was, in a way, safe while exploring dark stuff. Because one fic on the same page was tagged underage (the characters were my age at the time) and was E, while a whole other E fic on the same page was graphic torture case fic and worse. And it was all tagged.

So there I went, looking at fic, going hmmm and deciding: oh that's interesting, ew no, oh that's gross, huh i wonder what that is, this sounds good, oh i love this, uhhhhh hmm should I risk it, OH HELL NO.

And that's the thing! I knew what I was reading! I could experiment with kinks and dark things in a completely safe environment of the fantasy world!

Ao3 in a way saved me from talking about these things with others and accidentaly falling into an actual predator's hands (think student/teacher dynamic, grooming), because my curiosity wasn't going away, I still would have looked sooner or later, and if it wasn't for the no-interaction interface of Ao3 (a story can't kidnap or molest you), I could have been hurt.

Like yeah, no shit, I know I'm lucky that my brain didn't get actual trauma from textual depictions of dark stuff I stumbled on in my early days, but what I did get was more valuable than the risk of trauma (also, you can't get trauma from a tag, but you could from the text that has the tag, so the reader is still the one responsible, they were warned what was inside the box and still opened it).

I got boundaries, squicks, hard no's, absolute limits, whatever people call them these days. I now know what I can deal with and what I can't. I know myself better and could now fight against a person trying to bend or break them. I read dark shit so I know what kind of emotions I get from them and in what circumstances (what I like in text pretty much never carries into real life (even the mild things like biting), surprise).

But purity police would look at my Ao3 history and scream their head off about how I'm a deviant roaming free to attack people like a rabid dog, because obviously I must secretly wish to do that in real life!

And then if they met me they would get the confusion of a lifetime! They would have this image of a sexual deviant/old as fuck creeper/freak and then see me, a 21 year old woman, a well adjusted and social individual who has NEVER and will NEVER hurt a fly, eating chips in bed and reading fucked up shit about fictional characters for entertainment.

Because that's the difference. It's not the average people reading fucked up shit that are dangerous to the public, it's the people who already were fucked in the head before reading anything. No story on this Earth can force you to commit a crime unless you already wanted to do it and were just looking for an excuse.

Case in point, the Dexter inspired murders ("it wasn't me it was the book, I am innocent, it was the evil book, as such I am not to blame, blame the author!") and the NUMEROUS video game related murders (oh no it's not the parent's fault they bought their unstable child a 18+ rated game, it's the game's/creator's fault!"

Fiction and Reality coexist and influence each other in various ways (propaganda, misinformation, stereotypes, false data), but not like this.

And do you guys know why? Because we have an instinctive moral compass, we know right from wrong, and anyone fooling themselves thinking "I would have never done that if this [media] didn't tell/force me to do it" are in fact lying. Again, they would have done it eventually or even wanted to do it already, they just found a viable excuse now, all free to use as a "get out of jail free" card.

Sorry for the long ask and for my English (non-native speaker), you can ignore this, I won't mind. Just got a bit ticked off at people blaming writers for shit they didn't do. So here is my perspective from a long time reader's point of view.

If all these works didn't make me into a monster after all this time reading, then maybe, just maybe, it's not the works' fault.

You bring up absolutely wonderful and important points darling. Thank you for sharing.

And your English is fantastic so don’t worry about it.

[leafcabbage]

i am going to elaborate i have decided

so. you may ask. “cabbage you have never seemed like someone who has boundaries you seem like you would give your social security number to someone for laughs.” and i would say “thats not a question”

despite that, i will elaborate. yeah, i do overshare, but im pretty careful about what i say, so none of y’all actually know me. maybe it shouldnt bother me that people assume they know things about me or how i “should” act, but like, i am a real person, and i suppose i dont have to justify those feelings. it genuinely wasnt one thing that one person did or whatever, it’s been some commenters, a few posts ive seen, some askers, several anons- all of it led up to yesterdays choice. also, i shouldn’t be anxious or upset by things on this dumbass blog. its supposed to be fun. ive put too much weight into this. literally all of my reactions are my problem because i let myself put too much of my time and energy into being cabbage leafcabbage. what can i say, recognition feels good at the end of the day. 

now youre like “okay but what the fuck does that actually mean???”

yeah thats fair. it means i do want to focus more on writing on here and i probably(?) will be less active, but i genuinely dont want to stop interacting with you guys other than that all together. i’d like the main focus of this blog to be writing. i’d like the majority of my content on here to be about my fic. but i do like the funny little interactions we have and the asks for the most part. so... things. i guess. that should be kept in mind. questions for yourself, perhaps. “should i send this to a friend instead of a fanfic author?”, “is this something i should say to a 20 year old i dont know on the internet?”, “am i trying to get validation from someone who i see as “cool” (ahaha thanks) in a way that won’t actually help me?” and other stuff like that. 

examples of things besides fic questions i am happy to answer: give insight on things i have experience with (writing, student gov, college, being aroace/trans/autistic/etc), talk about dsmp/mcyt, talk about other media i like, give media recs, give opinions, etc

examples of things i am not going to answer: stuff i just... cant play off of? like if i cant give an answer thats gonna add to things i wont answer. it doesnt mean you did something wrong, im just gonna filter through more. i wont talk about trauma, not gonna answer asks about how your day went, i wont answer asks with any personal info in them... just generally if you wouldn’t talk to an acquaintance youre at a cafe with about it, dont send it to me. 

also, i appreciate that you care about me, but dont tell me to sleep/drink water/ take a break/ etc. im not upset with you if youve done that of course, but im 20. i know how to take care of myself. i know to drink water and sleep and eat. 

one more thing- if you would say it to a dog, don’t say it to me. so weird that i have to say that. 

“cabbage you seem to be thinking about one more big important thing that you hope people will read even if they skipped the rest of this do you want to talk about that?”

oh boy do i!

you guys terrify me. specifically the minors who follow this blog. please, please be careful of who you are sharing things with on the internet. things that seem harmless can give adults who want to hurt you leverage, an in, something they can talk to you about to try to gain your trust. i can tell you “i care about your safety” and you still don’t know if i am telling the truth! im sure you’ve gotten the “be safe on the internet” lecture from adults who dont even know what happens on here nowadays, and yeah that shits hella outdated, but i am someone who grew up on tumblr, so please at least think about what im saying.

 when you tell people on the internet about your mental health/triggers/any personal or identifying information, you are providing them with information they can use against you. i do not at all mean this in a victim blaming way, if something happens that is not your fault, but i am asking you to be careful now.  using my cafe analogy again, if an adult comes and sits at your table, your first reaction shouldn’t be to tell them personal information. adults should not be reaching out to you (there’s a reason i only message y’all if its for permission to print your artwork. it would be hella weird for me to try to strike up a conversation). no adults should be telling you youre different or mature or whatever. please just be careful with who you’re trusting and who you’re talking to. good interactions =\= good intent. a person with a platform =\= a good person.

“are you finally done?”

yeah i am. all that to say im sticking with fanfic related asks rn but if you stick to what ive said i may answer others in the future. thanks for reading this and thank you for being such a wonderful community (cough, for the most part, cough). im probably gonna be more harsh going forward on things that cross boundaries because im shit at setting them. that doesnt mean im upset with you as a person i just need to make things clear. i hope you guys are doing well and thank you again