#i blame post covid for it honestly

[asteria7fics]

I see your tall Stan/short Kyle, and your tall Kyle/short Stan, but I raise you this, fair traveler.

Nearly identical height Style.

Listen. Hear me out.

Maybe there's an inch or so of difference, but it's hardly noticeable.

Just think about the sheer tension of locking eyes with someone at your exact level. Hugs are always perfect, even the kind from the side. Nobody gets a face-full of man tits or greasy ass hair.

No tippy-toes necessary. Just two dudes embracing, lips locked in a fit of manly smooching.

Are you seeing the vision?

[bandy-andy]

Working on some more art but boy has it been DIFFICULT

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not defending an ex-friend when people called her a slut?

I (20 f) fell out with my best friend and roommate M (20 f) at the end of sophomore year of college. reason we fell out isn't the main subject of this post but I think it's relevant so I'll try and keep it as brief as possible.

For context I'm Black attending a VERY white school. Frenshman year I was the only black girl in my building and this was just post-covid so student groups were pretty dead. So first trimester most of my college friends were the girls from my floor including M (white) and S (20f, asian american). It was very isolating tbh, esp bc I experienced a lot of microaggressions, but the girls I befriended were pretty good at sharing my outrage and letting me confide in them.

The worst incident was when at a party, a guy (G, white) made some very racist comments towards me and in general (said the n-word a few times). I admit I escalated it by engaging w him and the whole thing got out of hand, a lot of people saw, and he got a reputation as a racist. Afterwards, he was always rude to me, blaming me for egging him on while drunk and just constantly making disrespectful comments about me and my 'attitude' where i could hear. no one ever said anything to his face but were supportive of me after the fact - S was always particularly supportive and said she could relate.

I was generally fine with avoiding G esp in sophomore year when we moved out. I lived with M and another friend (P) and it went pretty well. We were asked in like November if we would renew our lease, and though M and I wanted to the third friend didn't, so we began to think of replacements, and S was looking for a place.

Thing is, while S and I were still on good terms I felt like she was being a bit secretive w me. She'd often come over and talk privately w M and I got the gist she was seeing someone and didn't want me to know. I shook it off as us growing apart and the fact I'd gotten more involved in Black student groups and hadn't hung around with our dorm friends as much, but then in Jan, as we were planning to sign the new lease, I found out she was dating G. Tbh at this point we weren't even close friends that I felt a strong personal betrayal, but more so I was mad at them both for not telling me while making plans for us to live together. They knew I was uncomfortable around G and wouldn't want to live w his gf, esp without knowing. It felt like they were almost purposefully going behind my back.

I didn't do anything at the time, just slowly backed out of the lease renewal and made other arrangements. I stopped hanging out with S almost completely and was just cordial w her and took a big step back from M and our dorm friends.

The other relevant bit of context here is M had a boyfriend (T, 20 m) who was in our freshman dorm and very close to our year one friends (lived with them sophomore year and now junior year too). She broke up w him in Feb, which led to a lot of her friendships w our dorm friends (her only friends really) to deteriorate a bit, esp as she was no longer super comfy hanging around where he was. this especially became an issue in the spring trimester bc she got a new boyfriend over the break, a friend from her classes T hadn't liked.

So, M kept pressuring me to hang out w her and our dorm friends a lot more, which inevitably meant seeing S and now G, who they'd all decided they were cool being around when I distanced myself. I told her why i didn't want to and I didn't want to see G again but she promised he had 'changed' and wouldn't say anything to me. eventually I folded and went out w them all once and it honestly sucked. M completely abandoned me to be w her other friends, G didn't say anything but kept glaring at me the whole time, and I felt very out of place. afterwards I told M i was sorry, I know she felt awkward around her ex without me, but I wouldn't do that again.

She left it till like the end of the year then there was a big dinner she really wanted to go to that T would be at (her bf was not invited), w all our dorm friends. I kept saying I wouldn't go, but then she told me she checked w the hosts and confirmed (and promised) G wouldn't be coming. I said okay but asked we sit next to each other and made it clear how I felt around S etc, and she agreed and promised we would. Long story short G was there, I wound up next to S and across from him snickering at me the whole time, with her on the other end of the table. I texted M about it, she said it was 'fine' and I was imagining it and to try and enjoy the gathering.. yeah no. I dipped before desert, she chased me outside asking what was up and I explained why i was upset, she said i can't expect her to be there for me the whole night and she's allowed to 'have a good night without my drama,' i said racism wasn't drama and she literally dragged me along to deal with her drama, nevermind my comfort, and that she was an incredibly selfish friend for putting me in this position. I left, she wound up crying with everyone comforting her, everyone there (M included) went off at me for being an unsupportive friend/dredging up year old drama with G/overall making everything about race, I cut them all off and moved my stuff into my girlfriend's place a week after all this and didn't speak to anyone since.

which is pretty much all the backstory (longer than the main bit, sorry), that gets us to the actual AITA situation. Junior year starts, I'm at a welcome back party w some other friends and i'm vaguely aware my old dorm friends (including S and G) are also here, but it's a huge party and i'm w my very supportive friends who ik will back me if anything happens so i dont really care. eventually M arrives w her bf, gives me an awkward look but doesn't say anything to me.

Then at some point, I'm upstairs using the bathroom and I hear the girls from our dorm group speaking to M in the hallway. Apparently it came out over summer she'd hooked up w her new boyfriend before she ended things with T and they were all pissed at her (esp for her playing the victim w her ex). I tried to stay in the bathroom until the conversation ended but someone was pounding on the door and I wound up having to get out and waddle past them awkwardly to get back downstairs. When I got out one of the girls was calling M a slut and other names and while i tried to avoid it I accidentally made eye contact with M, who was super upset and crying. I kinda just shrugged and went downstairs.

Later that night i got a long ass message from her new bf about how he knows I'm upset with her but it wasn't fair for me to just leave her in that situation, and that it was petty and selfish of me (esp bc I'm usually the person calling out this shit). I spoke to my gf, and she said she understands why i did nothing but also that it's never okay for people to call someone a slut. I agree with that 100% and in any other case i might have tried to diffuse the situation (like if it was safe and I thought I could). I've told a couple friends who think I did nothing wrong and it wasn't fair to expect me to say smth when she never said/did anything to defend me and that she had it coming, but my mom told me I should've done the kind thing and not stoop to their level and it's made me feel really bad. I think I might be TA bc i could have stood up for her without anything bad happening to me beyond being in an uncomfortable convo, and also bc it kinda felt good seeing her friends turn on her? Like she threw me under the bus to be in their good books and defend them and they dropped her ass anyway, and if I acted from a vengeful place then thats asshole-y of me. but also no one in this story has apologised to me once and as my friend says its not fair to rely on black ppl to fix racist white ppls mess.

so, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[nijuukoo]

I followed you for kingdom hearts art back in the day and I am DELIGHTED to see you posting and reblogging l4d2 stuff >:D

HAHHA my fandom fixation is just permanently stuck in 2009 apparently.

I played one campaign whilst stuck at home during the covid lock downs because relevance, and i was like oh man, i forgot how much i love this game. Then i wandered into ao3 and sank one foot into @patiently-burning's writing and it swallowed me up like thick tar, so honestly i blame her for all of this

[sissa-arrows]

Things for which France blamed Muslims/tried to blame Muslims so far… (I’m using Muslim the way French people use it aka all North Africans, Black people, Arabs and honestly any PoC who looks like they could vaguely come from the African continent or if they think you come from a country where people use camels instead of cars)

- covid

- farmers being angry and unfairly paid by big corporations

- cooking oil shortage

- lack of doctors

- France colonizing Africa (that one was the fault of Algerians specifically even if according to the same people Algeria didn’t exist and France created it…)

- Fire started inside a church by a Christian

- Antisemitic tags written by a Jewish man on a Jewish store

- People putting their kids in private schools

- The parents of the ministry of education putting him only in private schools

- Notre Dame burning

- Islamophobia (if we don’t wanna face Islamophobia we should just stop being visibly Muslims apparently which in their mind means stop being North Africans and/or Black)

- The Pope saying that a good Christian should help migrants

- Bedbugs

I will add to this post whenever something new comes up cause it’s ridiculous. (also if you wanna know the reasoning behind some of these just ask me cause this is so fucking funny especially the farmers and cooking oil ones)

Edit 1: - I forgot to add that we were blamed for the ecologist winning more seats than usual at a local election (I admit I loved that one cause we made so many jokes it was fun until white people felt too confortable joining in with the jokes)

[pansy2005]

crowds since covid have been so bad 9 times outta ten for me

seriously like WHAT happened. i mean like obv covid and everything but. i don’t understand how it so so quickly go so so bad. i really need some studies done on the psychology of it bcuz it’s largely stemming from a feeling of selfishness and entitlement right? “i have more of a right to be here/i deserve to be in the front/the experiences of people around me are not my responsibility and do not matter to me/every person for themself”

and honestly i’m gonna sound like a boomer but i have to place some blame on tiktok or more accurately the culture of social media and people whose entire lives became social media in and around 2020 and people who grew up on social media. i think the sort of… contentification of every experience has created a main character mindset in a lot of people where a concert instead of being a shared celebration of music with strangers is a moment about You and Your relationship with the music and the artist (and therefore none of the other people around you matter at best and are at worst enemies trying to ruin your Moment)

and there’s also this pressure to have documentation and post about Your Experience (because it must be a Significant Emotional Character Development Experience) and be constantly recording whether for content or for your own memory purposes

i think you can extrapolate this mindset to other behaviors too like it seems like people everywhere agree that everyone is worse at driving now and also more aggressive and confrontational and conspiratorial than ever like it is not just Young People. at concerts at least some older people who went to shows before remember how to act but i don’t think it’s really a generational problem it’s an entire cultural problem and young people are just more easily caught in it bcuz they don’t remember other ways of being.

idk tho. i might just be cynical. like i said i need studies bcuz it really seems like people by and large are more selfish than pre 2020. but this is all anecdote and conjecture and theorizing so idk.

[shmaptainwrites]

𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 [𝐁𝐎𝐁𝐁𝐘 𝐍𝐀𝐒𝐇]

PAIRINGS —  Bobby Nash x GN!Reader

SUMMARY — complicating their situationship

WARNINGS — sickness (COVID), fever, swearing, mentions of sex

NOTE —This one’s been in the drafts for a while so I’m very happy it’s getting the chance to see the light of day also sorry it took me a few days to post I hated the ending so I rewrote it lmao

For most people the global pandemic meant working from home and staying away from everyone and everything, trying not to get sick. But as a frontline worker and a first responder, that was never really an option for you. For you and the rest of the 118 it meant rapid tests every morning, face coverings at all times, and setting an example for everyone else. 

To top off the complicated situation, over the time of your increased closed quarters at work you had developed somewhat of a situationship with your boss. The rest of your colleagues were unaware (thankfully) and you hoped through everything that would be the one part of your life that remained casual and uncomplicated. And it was until one fateful morning in May 2020. 

“Here’s your test,” you passed a box over to Bobby while he walked up to the kitchen counter, a cup of coffee in hand. 

“And here’s your tea.” 

“Honestly, I’m not even convinced these work,” you noted while pouring the buffer fluid into the small tube. “I have never seen a positive COVID test, how are we supposed to know if these are the real deal?” 

“Hopefully we’ll never have to see a positive one,” Bobby said.

You drank your tea and coffee and prepared something for breakfast while waiting for the time to be up so you could make sure you weren’t sick before you went in for work. 

“Uh, Bobby…” 

You looked down at your test while Bobby came and glanced over your shoulder. You looked back at each other with wide eyes. 

“You can’t go to work,” he pointed to you when the realization dawned on him. “Wait, I can’t go to work. What are we going to tell them?” 

“It’s fine we’ll just call separately, I’ll tell them I got sick you say that you went out to get groceries and got exposed, no big deal.” 

“And you can’t go out so I guess you’ll just isolate here?” 

“Oh God, this is going to end badly, I can feel it,” you pinched the bridge of your nose and shook your head. “One step at a time. I’m gonna go call the team.” 

“At least we know the test works,” Bobby called as you walked to his bedroom and you rolled your eyes. 

You both tried your best to deal with the team, Bobby having a bit of a harder time than you considering you called in first to tell everyone you were sick. 

“I think I managed to convince everyone to stay away for a bit,” you said while putting on a mask, Bobby motioned for you to take the package with you and you nodded, thinking it was probably for the best considering he wasn’t sick…yet. 

“Hopefully it’ll be a quick bug, right? Then things can go back to normal.” 

“Yeah,” you agreed. “And are you sure you’re okay with me staying here? I don’t really wanna be a burden and take over your room or anything.” 

“No it’s fine,” he insisted. “You’re already here and I have to be isolated anyways. Plus, it’s always nicer to have someone around when you’re sick right?” 

You just gave him a small smile with your eyes before retreating into his bedroom and closing the door behind you. 

As soon as it was shut, you could hear Bobby begin to clean up, washing the dishes and disinfecting everything with bleach and Lysol to avoid getting sick. You couldn’t blame him, it was an odd situation, maybe even a little awkward, you’d only ever come over after work and most days you left right after breakfast. 

It had started as a casual companionship that just spiralled into something where everything was unsaid. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror, only then realizing the clothes you had were not the best for being sick in bed. 

“Hey Bobby,” you called from your room. “Can I borrow a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt or something?”

“Yeah, that should be okay, take whatever you’ll need and when you’re better we’ll just do a load of laundry.” 

“Thank you,” you sighed. “And Bobby?” 

“Mhmm?” 

“I’m sorry…that you got caught up in all this and have to deal with me now…I just-,” 

“Don’t mention it, like I said, no big deal.” 

“Right,” you nodded to yourself. “No big deal.” 

—

Two Days Later…

“Uh Bobby!” you called, your voice sounding congested and followed by a loud bronchial cough. “We’ve got a problem.” 

“What’s the problem?” he asked. 

“Buck wants to bring me food.” 

“And?”

“I’m not at my house, what the hell am I supposed to tell him?” you groaned and flopped back onto the bed. 

“Just call and explain that he shouldn’t risk it and you’ve already made something for lunch and dinner.” 

That part wasn’t a lie, with all the spare time in his hands Bobby was cooking up a storm and you had the finest meals every day, but ate them in an awkward silence across from each other, a door between you. 

“Alright, but if I can’t stop him then we’re going to have to deal with the consequences.” 

Bobby didn’t respond so you picked up your phone and called Buck’s cell waiting for him to pick up. 

“Hey, how’s Miss Rona?” he chuckled when he picked up on the other line. 

“Not funny, Buckley,” you grumbled. “Look, even you can hear it, I sound terrible. I don't want you to risk it, Buck, don’t bring me food.” 

“Come on, I’ll be safe! I’ll drop it off at your door and then we can talk on the phone while you eat so you aren’t alone.” 

“No Buck,” you sighed. “I already made food for lunch and dinner, just stay as far away from my apartment as you can ok?” 

“Ok, if you insist, but don’t come crying to me for McDonalds when you get sick of chicken noodle soup.” he chuckled. 

“I won’t don’t worry,” you coughed. “Jesus, I gotta take some more Buckley’s, and please send my regards to whichever family member of yours made such a gag worthy cough syrup,” 

“Not related, but it tastes awful and it works.” 

“I hate how much I love that slogan,” you laughed a little, but it only sent you back into a coughing fit. “Alright, really I gotta go, tell everyone I say hi and that I’m not dead yet, okay?” 

“Will do. You take care of yourself.” 

“Thanks Buck, bye,” you hung up the phone and did exactly what you said you would. Poured yourself some cough syrup and gagged as soon as it went down your throat. 

“You okay in there?” Bobby knocked on the door. 

“Yeah, just the cough syrup,” you moaned a little and rubbed your head. 

“You sure everything’s okay?” he pressed. 

“I just…” you hesitated. “I feel like shit.” 

“On a scale of 1-10 how shitty?” he asked. 

You were silent for a moment before shrugging your shoulders and saying seven. 

“I don’t think there’s much you can do, I have a whole army of medication here, I just have to be careful and rest.” 

“Yeah,” he agreed, but his tone made him seem unconvinced. 

You tried to lay down and get some rest and what felt like minutes later you discovered had actually been closer to sixteen hours and it was the next day and you felt ten times worse than the day before. 

You looked down at the sheets that were soaked with sweat and when you tried to move your whole body ached like you had just run a 40K with zero training. 

You tried to speak, but your throat was dry so you reached for the water first, chugging it before knocking on the wall, hoping Bobby was awake. 

“Everything alright in there?” you could hear him get up and ask. 

“I-I think I have a fever,” you said wearily. “Can…C-Could you come check?” 

“Yeah of course, just let me grab a thermometer and a mask.” 

Bobby was back a few moments later and opened the door to quite the sight. 

“Bet you can’t even believe you slept with me huh,” you tried to tease to lighten the situation, but you could see Bobby had become so zeroed in on your state that it was no use. 

He quickly felt the back of your forehead with his hand before confirming his suspicions with the thermometer. 

“Wow, you’re burning up,” his hand cradled your cheek for a moment, feeling the heat radiate off your sticky and sweaty skin. “Let me go get you some Tylenol okay, and maybe an ice pack too. I’m not leaving you here by yourself.” 

“But what about-,” 

“I need to make sure you don’t take a turn for the worse. I don’t want to have to take you to the hospital,” 

You nodded and quieted yourself, watching as he went to grab you some more medication and that ice pack. 

The cold touch felt amazing against your skin, but it wasn’t long before you were shivering from the fever and wanted to huddle underneath the blankets. 

“Y-You know, I haven’t b-been sick since before I w-was in the department,” you told Bobby. “S-Still sucks a-as bad as I remember.” 

“I can imagine,” he brushed some hair out of your eyes. “If you can, you should try and get some sleep, it might make things a little better.” 

You wanted to listen to his advice, but as much as you tried you could not fall asleep. Your fever continued to get worse, but not bad enough to merit taking you to the ER. 

All the while, Bobby only left your side to bring you more food or something to drink. You wished he would stay far away from you, it was better he didn’t get what you had, but he seemed adamant on staying. 

It was things like this that made it hard for you to separate what you had from a real relationship, which it wasn’t. 

It was just an arrangement where you would meet from time to time and sleep together. 

Sometimes you just wished you could be out with it, ask him out on a real date and go out for dinner because if you were being honest, a couple weeks into whatever it was you were doing, you had already realized you wanted more, but as usual you were too shy to speak up about it. 

“Bobby, c-c-,” you were cut off by another coughing fit, at least you were wearing a mask, it was the least you could do to assure he didn’t get sick. “Sorry, can you pass me one of the cough drops?” 

“Of course, but maybe you should eat a bit more first,” he suggested. “Let me help you sit up.” 

He wrapped an arm around your back and placed you into a seated position before grabbing the bowl of soup for you. 

“Bobby, I think I’m still well enough to feed myself,” you chuckled. 

“It’s not everyday you get pampered, just eat the soup,” he encouraged and you didn’t have the energy to give in. 

You ate about half the bowl before you got full (in your defence it was a pretty big bowl) and Bobby passed you the cough drop to help continue to soothe your throat as the soup had done. 

“Hey, since I’ve already been with you in here, why don’t you come out to the living room and watch some TV with me. It’ll be a nice break from sleeping, trust me.”

“Sure, why not,” you pushed yourself up from the bed and with a little help from Bobby, walked to the living room and took a seat on the couch. 

You both agreed on some random TV show you both hadn’t seen, but by episode three you were knocked out cold. 

Bobby left you like that for a while, thinking it would be best to let you get as much rest as you could, but when you started to toss and turn and mumble things under your breath he had a feeling your fever was coming back and getting even worse. 

“Hey, I think we should get you back in the bedroom where the Tylenol is,” he gently shook you awake, but the fever was making you a little delirious. 

“Will you stay with me?” you mumbled. “Please?” 

“Sure if that’s what you want,” he nodded, helping you up and letting you lean on him while you walked back to the room. 

“Bobby,” you said groggily as you sat down on the bed. “Why aren’t we dating?” 

Bobby certainly wasn’t expecting that kind of question to come from you, but you had a fever, you were barely controlling the temperature of your body, how could you control what you said. 

“Well, I think when whatever this is started we didn’t really think about it…did we.”

You sighed and shook your head. 

“I just think we’d make a good couple,” you said shyly. “Cause I like you, like really like you, and when you do stuff like give me soup and sit with me when I feel like seven shits out of ten shits, it’s just hard.” 

While listening to you, Bobby had opened up the Tylenol and placed two in his hand which he was now handing to you with a glass of water. 

“I know,” he responded. “We can talk about it more when you’re better, how’s that?” 

You agreed and took the medication after which he helped you lay down on the bed. He glanced at you for a moment before lowering his mask and pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. 

“If it makes it any better, I was already yours from the start.” 

He placed his mask back over his mouth and nose before sitting next to you, his back against the headrest. 

You reached for his hand and he took it, holding it thinking if he squeezed too tight he might break you. 

He really hoped you would get better soon. 

—

Bobby didn’t want to bring up what you had said when you were feverish, fearful that you had said it while hazy from the sickness. He didn’t want to put any pressure on you to have a discussion while you were still recovering, so he thought unless you brought it up he’d wait for you to test negative. 

In the meantime over the next few days as you slowly came out of the slump of fevers and your cough died down, you fell into an easy rhythm of things together. It was simple things, like FaceTiming while eating meals or chatting across from the door, but it felt safe and familiar, like you’d been doing it forever. 

“Time for your test,” Bobby said, coming into the room with a mask and handing you the rapid test. It was just over a week and a half of being sick and even then you’d have to wait at least another week minimum to go back to work. Bobby had been planning on doing the same either way since he was constantly exposed to you. “I already took mine in the kitchen, I'm still negative.”

“Thank goodness. I'm kind of surprised though, we’ve been cautious but not like lock me in the room cautious,” you said. “How did you not get sick?”

“Just the Nash immune system,” he shrugged. “Let me know what the verdict is.”

You nodded your head and took off your mask once he left and began the process of testing yourself. 

On cue, you sneezed when swabbing your nose and Bobby chuckled like he always did.

“Is there like a button or something in my nose that just makes me sneeze every single time I put this up there?” you asked and Bobby laughed. “Hey don’t laugh! One time I sneezed before I could pull it out and I think I poked my brain.”

That just made him laugh harder and you couldn’t help but smile as you swirled the buffer fluid and placed three drops on the rapid test. 

After the agonizing fifteen minutes Bobby waited anxiously for the answer, but when you stepped out of the room without a mask and the test in your hands that spoke for you. 

“It’s negative,” you almost sounded disbelieving. “I-Wow it’s actually negative.”

“Maybe you should take one more just to confirm,” Bobby suggested and you agreed, only to have the second test confirm your suspicions. 

“This is great!” you grinned. “We can get this place cleaned up, relax and rest for one more week and then we’re back at it.”

You and Bobby high-fived and started by cleaning up the room you were staying in. A load of laundry hopefully got rid of any lingering sickness from your clothes and the sheets, a wipe down and vacuum took care of the other surfaces. 

Once the sheets were out of the wash, you and Bobby began to put them back on the bed. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he was going to bring up the conversation he’d promised he’d have with you, but every time there was an opening it didn’t feel right to say anything. 

Instead he decided it would be best to take the next week in isolation in stride and say something when the time felt right, not when you were trapped under the same roof. 

When the day came when you were supposed to head back out to work you could both say with a certainty that you were done with being cooped up in the house and were ready to get down to business. 

Chimney was more than happy to give up his responsibilities as acting fire Captain and as Hen so articulately put it, balance had been restored in the universe. 

“You know it was really weird not having you around,” Buck told you when you sat for lunch together, distances slightly due to the restrictions. 

“Awe so you missed me,” you made a cute squishing motion with your hands and Buck rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah sure, I missed you the same way I miss Maddie for five minutes then she starts hovering and babying me and then I don’t miss her so much anymore.”

“Buck, be nice,” Bobby gave him a warning look. 

“What come on, it's the truth, you’re like my sibling, it’s a compliment,” he insisted. 

“I know it was but the words by themselves really didn’t sound like it,” you chuckled. “Don’t worry Bobby, if he knows what’s good for him he’ll stay on my good side.”

“And who’s on your bad side?” Chimney asked, coming to join you with his food. 

“Currently just Eddie because he used the last of my sweetened condensed milk.” 

“You didn’t label the milk, how was I supposed to know it wasn’t for grabs?”

“Eddie, you know I use it in my coffee when I need an extra kick in the morning, don’t make excuses,” you playfully rolled your eyes. “Anyways, Buck’s always on thin ice, you and Hen are safe,” you noted. 

“What about Bobby?” Hen asked. 

“Hmm,” you sent Bobby a knowing look and he tried to hide the smile that came across his face, after he spent two weeks taking care of you he was on a side the others didn’t even know existed. “Yeah, he’s a few steps above you and Chim,” you said truthfully. “No offence, but you guys don’t make me desserts every week.”

“Fair enough,” Hen agreed. 

After you all finished eating you and Bobby cleared up the dishes so Eddie and Hen could wash them and he quietly asked if you could meet him in his office to talk. 

You nodded your head, unaware of what was to come of it, but when the door closed behind you and you saw Bobby sitting at the edge of his desk with his arms crossed you knew something was up. 

“Is it really just because of the desserts?” he asked. 

“I’m sorry what?”

“Why I’m a few steps above Hen and Chim,” he clarified. 

“I mean yeah,” you nodded slowly. “Bobby, what are you trying to get at?”

He sighed and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. 

“When you were sick,” he started. “Like very feverish, to the point I was almost going to bring you to the hospital, you said something to me. I promised we’d talk about it when you were better, it's just I could never seem to find a good time.” 

“What did I say?” you asked, unable to remember this conversation. 

“Something along the lines of why aren’t we dating. Actually dating, not just sleeping with each other every week.”

“I-I said that?” you frowned and he nodded, but he shifted slightly again, closing himself off to you and you tried to amend what you had said to make sure it didn’t sound like you hadn’t meant it. “I mean I just… I can’t remember.”

He nodded, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, um…what would you have said?” you asked. “If I asked you that now.”

He stayed silent before he eventually shrugged his shoulders, “Honestly, I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just think that if things go on they’re going to get more complicated. I think we should know where we stand.”

“And where do you stand, Bobby?” you asked, coming closer. “Am I on your good side? Or your bad side?”

You reached out your hand to take his and after running his thumb across your knuckles and giving your hand a light squeeze he said,

“You’ve always been on my good side,” he smiled. “And I know I’m a bit rusty, but I’d like to take you out on a date. If that’s something you’re up for.”

“Yeah, I think I’d be up for that,” you agreed and closed the gap between you even more, resting a hand on Bobby’s cheek. “I don’t think I ever thanked you for taking care of me.”

“It’s okay, good practice in case you ever get sick again,” he chuckled. 

“I’m glad to know you’d be willing to take care of me again,” you smiled, you leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “I hope that helps a little with the thank you.”

“Maybe just one more,” he said before meeting your lips again just as the door opened and Buck said, 

“Hey Cap, I was just- WOAH,” he exclaimed. “You two?! I-How? Why?! What?!”

You and Bobby quickly pushed yourselves apart as Buck stared at you wide eyed while he was joined by his coworkers. 

Bobby’s face was very red and you couldn’t look up from your feet. 

“What happened?” Eddie asked once he ran into the room. 

“They were kissing,” Buck said, like he couldn’t understand how that would ever be a possibility. You supposed in Buck’s eyes you were both perpetually single forever. 

“What?” Hen asked with a chuckle. “When did this happen?” 

“Um a couple months back,” Bobby said. “Do we really need to talk about this?”

“Yes, we really do,” Chimney nodded. 

“You guys,” you looked up and saw they wouldn’t let go so you looked at Bobby to tell him you’d take the hit. “Look, this started a little while after everything got shut down. We both live alone and  it was hard not being able to see people so since we were in the same bubble we just…started to casually see each other,” you settled on. 

“And it’s still casual?” Buck asked. 

You pressed your lips in a thin line and Bobby shook his head. 

“No, I think I’d say it’s getting serious.”

“It’s about damn time,” Hen grinned. “I have been rooting for you two ever since you got stuck in that elevator together.”

“Really?” you chuckled. 

“Yeah, and plus now Chimney owes me five bucks.”

“Deals a deal,” Chimney groaned and placed the bill in his friend’s hand. 

“So when you got sick?” Eddie asked. 

“I was at Bobby’s, that’s why we both couldn’t come in and why you couldn't drop food off for me,” you explained. 

“Hey, why don’t we leave these two lovebirds alone,” Hen suggested. “I think you interrupted something, Buck.”

She dragged the team out of Bobby’s office and closed the door only for you and Bobby to look at each other and laugh. 

“At least we don’t have to sneak around anymore.”

“Yeah, but sneaking around was kind of fun,” you admitted. “But I’m glad they know. It just makes it more real.”

You held his hand and he gave it a squeeze. 

“I should thank your fever,” he said. “I don’t think I would have ever had the courage to bring this up if it wasn’t for that.”

“Who would have thought, a small positive in a global pandemic,” you chuckled and leaned into his side. And as odd as it was to say, you were both thankful for the isolation.

[houseofbrat]

Terrible all around, for so many reasons. As a comms person I could do a series of Tedtalks about this.

Nevertheless I really pray for Kate’s recovery both physically and mentally.

Yes, its all very sad but could have been prevented with proper management. The Palace Comms Team needs an overhaul.

Exactly. This seems to contradict Kate’s message that she wanted to wait until they told their kids and now they say it’s because of a potential leak? Which is it then and why would they now blame a potential leak? Who does it benefit by changing the story now and why did they even bother to? It’s so bizarre.

I think it’s a bit naive to blame this on KP’s team. The team is only as good as their bosses and William is pretty inept at handling press

This to me has nothing to do with a leak and everything to do with Easter. They knew she wasn’t going to be present for Easter so they had to make an announcement and get out in front of it early.

This was my first thought as I watched Kate’s video. If not for the leak, they still would be silent.

The idea the rota is pushing is it’s all the public’s fault for wildly speculating, and it’s not sitting well with me. It was mostly jokes about Kate being at the Willy Wonka experience or that she was getting a BBL. Then they released the fake photo and AP flagged it.

The papers got pissed because there WAS a story and the Palace wasn’t feeding them, so they turned up the heat. Nobody was talking about Rose Hanbury until The Independent (I think that was the paper) ran that story “Who is Rose Hanbury?” and repeated the old rumors of the affair. And some other online news site ran a story asking what would happen if William committed a crime. And then you had Piers Morgan saying he has heard wild rumors and if even half of them were true, he was concerned.

Yes, there are nasty people out there who gossiped but the media help set this situation on fire. And KP completely bungled the PR response. But they need to spare us the “shame on you all” narrative.

Wishing Kate the best and I hope the people who accessed her medical info are held responsible.

It's the fake photo and AP killing it that set this whole thing into the stratosphere. Before that all noise was limited to a small corner of the internet. No fake photo and ninety-eight percent of mess that happened never would have happened. KP is responsible for the mess and no amount of scolding from the rota will change that.

Sometimes I wonder what their long-term plan was for this? Obviously Kate having cancer would mean she’d need more time away than what they previously let on, so if the conspiracies never took off and they weren’t under a ton of scrutiny, I wonder how/when they would have told the public about her diagnosis, if at all.

Considering how they’ve handled more minor health issues, like William having COVID, I just assume KP never wanted to be transparent in the first place and were forced. Which sucks for Kate but has bad implications for a publicly funded institution IMO.

I don’t think there was ever a longterm plan here. I think everyone was taking it one step at a time and trying to process and figure out what the next step would be.

I’m honestly surprised because I am sure Rebecca English said they didn’t have their hand forced. Plus there were two days between Wed and Friday and any leaks could have occurred then as well. I do think it was getting to the stage it was an open secret witch certain circles.

I don’t understand why this and the “were angry about speculation” stories have been leaked - if they’ve been leaked by W&K and not somebody else. Not going after the alternative theories with this comment rn.

Like, they do want this to die down, right? I’m assuming so, because Kate is sick. I’ve never really cared about her actual illness in this whole debacle, but cancer or not, in her shoes I’d want the least amount of speculation possible. And the “we’re angry about speculation post” before the reveal was not the way to do that. All that was going to do was increase the speculation because if there’s one thing the internet likes doing more than anything else, it’s doing behavior they’ve been told not to.

Now it’s been revealed that Kate has cancer and I think the whole slew of “you’re bad for speculating no matter what the speculation was, even if it wasn’t health-related” posts were bad because they encouraged talk about her even as they were saying people shouldn’t talk about her, but that wasn’t in W&K’s hands so I’m not gonna blame them for that. Either way, the gossip around her did die eventually.

But now they’re bringing it back up of their own accord, if this is them? Why? It was already said that people tried to access her info. If this inside source was BP, revealing this is just bad for the overall family image. It proves Harry was right once again. If it wasn’t, I guess I understand wanting to talk about the source, but it’s still giving attention that I don’t think would be wanted or needed right now.

This is what has fascinated me about the KP PR ever since this entire thing started. It just seems like completely weird decisions over and over and over again.

100% this is a situation of their own making. They literally exist to be seen- what did they think was going to happen if one of them just disappeared? They’re so angry at how everyone reacted but maybe they should take some time to self reflect and see how their own actions and life created this whole mess.

Because the PR/comms team is incompetent and their employers are stubborn with gigantic hubris.

The virtue signaling “everyone participating in the gossip and making jokes and sharing memes should be ashamed!” will never sit well with me. We’ve been shown time and again for decades at this point that their PR is very sloppy.

they're really trying to guilt trip the public for not knowing she had cancer after faking a photo documentation as an official government institution, aren't they?

look, if someone tried to access her.files that's criminal and should be prosecuted whatever. that's another issue. 

but the BRF cannot use fear of public speculation as a tool to divert us from the fact that they faked an image and tried to pass it off as real. this is incredibly problematic on many levels. not only we cannot trust them to pass on truthful info about themselves (which, with their history of throwing women to the wolves, is icky), but as british official representatives, they should be held to all possible standards.

on a personal level, i hope she recovers, her treatment isn't too terrible as in side effects and her kids are able to grow up with her love all around. 

but as someone with basic standards for media and government, and also a citizen of a democracy (in the global south, where we have been victims of rich countries' bullshit explanations), they can all fuck off with this take and blaming.

They even put out a statement around late January where they said she didn’t have cancer. They can’t be surprised that people thought something was up when they weren’t being entirely truthful.

King Charles's team announced he has cancer and just moved on, so did the public. I genuinely don't see why they couldn't have done the same for Catherine. A quick "we did surgery back in December, discovered i might have cancer, will be stepping off the public eye for a few months to seek treatment and spend time with kids" would've done it. Her team is not being asked for her to deal with her emotions in public, the public just wanted to know why she hasn't been seen from or heard from for a long time. They completely bungled this one.

[c-midori]

TW: Su/cide, NS/FW mentionings

I fear there’s a small chance for this community to recover from this, but I think it’s time I finally explain what happened.

I know it’s something of no laughing matter. And I know it’s something that’s NEVER okay.

Yes. I attempted to off myself.

From what I remembered, I had cut my right arm, not too deep but still enough to draw some blood, and had fallen asleep on the living room couch.

Needless to say, my family was upset with me.

Whilst they HAVE forgiven me for the attempt, I’m still quite ashamed. This kind of thing is something you don’t recover from quickly, it turns out. I can’t believe I wanted to do this at all.

Now, me? I definitely had quite a bunch of problems BEFORE the July 30 incident. Things like realizing the true struggles of autism, these family issues we keep having (especially with my dad mind you), having to go back to school, which I had HUGE problems with, the Russia thing, and KOSA. All this formed a bubble, with me wanting to do this horrendous thing. I had considered it LONG before all those reasons too, especially just after the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic in December 2020.

But finally, on July 30, 2023, that bubble popped. And you wanna know why it happened?

I posted NSFW in a friend's Discord server, which went against its rules. By ACCIDENT.

And that? That kind of thing broke me beyond repair. Leading us to where we are now. I assume I’m about to get the worst backlash in all my life. Which I DO deserve, honestly. To lose a close friend is HORRIBLE. I myself have never experienced it, but I know there are people here who HAVE.

Sadly, for some, my attempt could’ve been the first time they dealt with this. And that’s NOT OKAY. That’s NEVER OKAY.

I should’ve just listened to the community. I should’ve just accepted that I made a mistake and moved on.

But no, I chickened out and now I must face the consequences.

I wish to say sorry for what I’ve done, even if I can’t be forgiven. I do not expect to be forgiven, and that’s okay.

So, this is my apology.

I want to apologize for wanting to end my life and ACTUALLY trying to.

I want to apologize for hurting the people of the Octonauts community with my wishes to do such.

I want to apologize for ever saying goodbye to this world, only to reemerge just days later.

I apologize for EVERYTHING.

I can’t believe that I did THIS over a mere joke, that I was THIS stupid, that THIS is who I am.

I’d like for everyone to know that this is NOT their fault. You shouldn’t blame yourself for this. Moreso, I should be sorry for myself. I did this because I NEVER considered anything.

But from now on, I promise I will never do this again.

I promise I will move on.

I promise I will become better.

But now, I must calm down, and take a break.

Thank you.

- Clover

[hellsbellschime]

the amount of young voters now that say they're not voting for Joe is making me scared for the next election like y'all don't realize the other candidates are much MUCH worse than him.

Exactly, like is he flawless? No. But I've seen a LOT of social media posts blaming him or criticizing him for things that are literally not under his control, and he is quite literally the furthest left president the US has ever had. AND what I would think should be obvious is yes, the other candidates are fucking NIGHTMARES. I honestly wonder how many of these posts might be propaganda too, because deadass it's the same shit that got Trump elected, people bought into these absurd false equivocations and let the perfect be the enemy of the good, and it literally got MILLIONS of people KILLED. Clearly I don't think he should be immune from criticism, but FFS like did we SERIOUSLY not learn our lesson with Trump and Hillary?! Covid is still decimating our country, Roe vs. Wade was overturned, and the Supreme Court will be stacked in favor of extreme conservatism for most of our lifetimes because some people didn't think that Hillary Clinton was appealing enough. The notion that not even FOUR YEARS LATER some people are already jumping on that idiotic bandwagon again is legitimately frightening.

[nitrosplicer]

It is cruel to blame people for getting long Covid. I don’t care if you were spitting in people’s mouths at the club. It’s still not your fault if you get long Covid. I do not know how else to put this, but if you put this post on my dashboard I’m going to block you and not engage. Peeking at this person’s blog reveals they were making fun of people who get heart disease after getting Covid. This seems like rancid behavior honestly.

[turtle-toe]

My experience with and opinion on fat acceptance

I am currently 16 years old and 5'6, 169 pounds. I need to tell my story.

I've been fat or chubbier my entire life due to poor eating habits taught to me early on. "Oh, you want thirds on that giant plate of yours? Sure, go right ahead." But I never really noticed until about 5th grade and really got self conscious in 6th grade. But, I was healthy. I'd say I was around 5'3 and 155-160 pounds. I moved around a lot, I was running with no thought about breath control every day at recess. But I still sucked in my guy and wore giant shirts so no one could see the shape of my body. Then, Covid hit.

I gained what i thought was so much weight during lockdown, as everyone else did too, as well as my oh so quirky mental illnesses. I was at 168 and it made me feel horrible. But not in the health way but the outer appearance way. Then I discovered fat acceptance.

I went from sucking in my gut to being sucked into a harmful mindset that I cannot change but that's okay.

Now, I have to give the movement credit where it's due; it both positively and negatively affected me. The negative part was that i gained about 20 pounds. I got to 180. The positive was that I gained confidence that I desperately needed. I started to not care as much about what I thought people would think, I started to wear more form fitting clothes, I started to even wear two piece swimsuits. But that 20 pounds felt absolutely horrible. And after about two years in the fat acceptance movement, I finally got out of it.

I finally stopped blaming everyone else, either for not being "fat positive" or for being the ones who made me fat. I finally stopped thinking the "naturally" skinny girls were my worst enemy. I finally stopped blaming my genetics. I finally realized just how much I was grossly overeating. I finally saw just how bad I was and how the path I was taking would've lead me to major health problems and an unhappy life filled with resentment and bitterness.

So I took that confidence given to me by the movement and I used it to better myself. After many ups and downs, I managed to get down to 162. I've gained 7 pounds back but I'm trying my best to be consistent. And this health journey started because I wanted to be healthier and just feel better, mostly because I wanted to justify it because I thought that it was wrong of me to want to lose weight to look a certain way. But honestly, fuck that. I don't care if it's fat phobic of me to want my own body to be smaller. So, health is a priority for me but I will be damned if I don't start looking the way I want.

And I tagged this with so many of these fat acceptance tags because I know for damn sure that I would've needed this post three years ago. To hear how it affected someone close to my age. So to anyone who is feeling like shit because you feel as though you can't lose weight or you don't feel as pretty as others; you can do this. You're absolutely gorgeous and handsome and pretty and interesting no matter how you look. But please, please, please don't take to the fat acceptance movement as a way go block out and ignore your insecurities. It doesn't work, it will only get worse. I lost those 17 pounds just by eating a few more vegetables and very inconsistent exercise. I realize everyone is different but it's way easier than you think it is.

Please, y'all, take care of yourselves.

[yinlotus]

as far as i'm aware from reading US news (ny times) most of the smoke on the US east coast is from the canadian fires. also, the fires in canada are a lot lot lot worse than looks on the image you can see - hundreds of fires burning all across canada.

as a californian myself, i've also been kind of annoyed seeing all the news about like 'unprecedented smoke in nyc' like seriously? this isn't unprecedented, just for them specifically. I understand that seeing the orange skies was crazy but like...it's not new...I literally saw that myself during the fires of 2020 in Calif. i've had friends and family had to evacuate from nearby fires, i had to wear an n95 during the summer before covid because being outside in that air quality made me feel sick. my brother had school and sports cancelled because it was too dangerous to be outside breathing the air.

calif, oregon, washington, british columbia and all of the western US and canada (maybe mexico too, I don't know about impact of smoke/fires in central or latin america) have been dealing with this for years. australia and nz have been dealing with this too for years.

I'm sorry...I kind of just wanted to complain a bit...it was a bit jarring seeing all those headlines about it being new when it's really not, it's just only new for the US east coast which has the biggest & loudest mouthpiece coming from america.

i'd also love to see some resources about the fires in canada if anyone has sent you any. i know for california, Cal Fire (fire.ca . gov) has info on calif. since there was a lot of rain this year (i've never seen so much rain in my life) i'm hoping fire season won't be too bad but we never know...

hi anon!

it's okay to vent about it. i understand that for those who have dealt with or are currently dealing with large wildfires would be annoyed by those who are not experiencing it as they are. still, i don't think it's right to blame those people without educating them a bit on it first.

honestly even when it comes to the east coast smoke most news talk specifically about nyc than the other places dealing with the same thing. picky news coverage can be frustrating to say the least.

and you're certainly right about it being new to us but not everyone else. the east coast is generally pretty wet with hurricanes in summer (which hurricane season officially started around a week ago, which i'm curious if it'll be affected at all since the smoke is also going east into the atlantic and wildfire smoke throws off marine ecosystems and cyclones are worse when the water is warmer) and snow storms during winter. i think no matter where you are, people will react extremely if something out of the ordinary happens. personally i can't even imagine it since even when i lived on the west coast, it was near seattle and mostly wet.

thank you for providing some info on california! nobody else has sent anything yet, but i'll definitely post if they do! :)

my screenshot was from fire.airnow.gov and from zooming in more i get a slightly better picture of where the fires are but the low accuracy is likely because the site's focus is only the us. nasa is usually quite good in capturing this things in the states, so i checked the canadian space agency to see if they had better images of the fires. while i didn’t find any recent satellite images (best i found was a video from a month ago), i was directed to the Canadian Interagency Forest Fire Centre (CIFFC) which has an updated interactive map on the homepage. This site alao has links to individual centers in each province.

[whysojiminimnida]

Jungkook Archives His Instagram, Frightens Internet

NO WAIT ETA: HE DELETED THE POSTS. ALL OF THEM. Honestly after the last few months of heinous fuckery most foul emanating from the very basest forms of faux fandom, I can't blame the man. But it looks like this over there:

And... dude. I get it. I do. After what he went through at JFK, I'd be a lot less inclined to share with ARMY if I were the Jeon half. And to add to that, Jimin looked like this at the airport:

... and for once, maybe the first time, did not tell us he was leaving and would come back safely. Look. If y'all haven't figured it out yet, now's the time. The toxicity in the fandom has affected all the members, but Jimin the most. Like:

That vault door/shield thingy/target was done fucked up six months ago when the pictures were taken and things have not gotten easier for the Jeon-Parks since that time. Jimin had surgery and got COVID and was hit with some ugly behavior from certain segments of the public - up to and including having his damn BILLS stolen. Now it's clear that Jungkook, long the most ardent of ARMY lovers, can't even surprise us without being attacked, harassed, having his hotel rooms called and his flights chased down. Wasn't bad enough weirdos messed with his brother, I guess. I realize a lot of this comes with the territory of being famous. Most celebrities have stalkers, unfortunately. But Jungkook has dealt not only with his own shit, but with Jimin's, and the reverse is also true. They've been dealing with twice the bullshit because in that relationship, there are two of them -- plus BTS and ARMY. And sure, I might be over-reaching. Koo might just be cleaning house a bit. Reorganizing for his next round of AMAAJ (ask me anything about jimin). I really hope that's the case. But I think we're seeing a little bit of stress, here. Their home political climate is NOT good for LGBTQ+ folks. Enlistment papers are days away for Seokjin unless something's happened I don't know about yet. They're trying to release music, go on tour, be professional. And they've realized - Jimin awhile back, Jungkook as of about yesterday - that even the fans who claim to love them can and will hurt them if they get a chance. And that's got to be a very disappointing place to be. Jungkook has completely avoided social media before, if you recall. I do not doubt that he is perfectly fine with doing so again. I won't lie - I have heard the breakup rumors. I don't think, as of now, that they're true. Nothing I have seen or heard thus far indicates that. I think that if any breakup is coming, it's between Jimin, Jungkook, and the public eye.

I hope the worse-than-usual comeback hate hasn't overridden their happiness, I hope I'm wrong about all of this and they are feeling strong and happy and ready for the tour. I hope they know that some of us do support them both, and will, as long as they want that. But right now I'm miffed and pouty and sad and I need coffee and/or ice cream SO THERE. Pfui. Somebody call me when Jimin gets to Weverse or Koo puts his stuff back new stuff up.

[punkinspice]

If you don't mind my asking, are you still Christian? I have seen your posts over time about leaving cults and whatnot, and I was curious how that impacted your faith.

Hello! I don't mind you asking at all, and I am happy to talk about it, it's just that it's a very touchy, complicated, controversial and long answer that I don't always know how to answer it in a way that makes sense. (this may get really deep)

If I were to be 100% honest, I will admit that I personally no longer believe in or identify with being a Christian or the Christian faith.

As to what I believe in currently, or what I'd call myself now? I really don't have an answer to that. I guess you could say I'm currently leaning more towards being an agnostic and sometimes atheist? But honestly, the things I may agree with today, may change tomorrow. and I'm sure the things I will believe in currently will be completely changed in a year. And.... I am ok with that. I want to be questioning and to have an open mind to things, opinions and questions and to have the permission to be wrong and to change my mind on things as I learn new or more information.

This is not a choice that I've come to easily, or glibly. It's been a process I've been in the past 3 maybe 4 years of my life, and I think in the last year is when I've chosen to leave the faith. It's a place I never thought I would be in and it's involved a lot of pain, confusion and trauma and healing in my life. There is a whole ton more I could go more deeply into, but I don't feel this is the right post to do that, and I don't quite have words yet to explain or describe everything.

As far as the cult thing goes, there were and are a lot ways that I was raised and taught to believe in, that by definition, was a cult. There were a lot things that were abusive and still traumatize and cut into me deeply and I am in the process of recovering from and untangling the things that were taught to me and it still brings up a lot of trauma for me, of which I am thankfully getting help for.

I also joined a well known Christian organization around the age of 21/22, and was in it for over 2 years, until Covid hit and I had to go home. And the more time I was out and after a ton of research and studying, I will be honest and say that that organization is a cult, and it did leave a lot of mental and financial wounds on me that I am going to be recovering from for a long time. Did I learn a lot from that experience and grow from it? Yes I did, but it is an experience and chapter of my life that I am glad is over.

I know that from the short examples that I've given it's really easy to say that that really wasn't true Christianity, or it was just people poorly misrepresenting the word and love of God, or worse, blaming me and saying that I was never a Christian to begin with, which I can't even begin to explain how much and how deeply into the faith I truly was, and how hurtful that allegation is.

...And maybe all of that is true... And maybe it isn't....

There is a lot of pain, betrayal, anger and grief that I am still healing from and will be healing from for years to come. I don't want to live in a state of bitterness and anger and blame of the things that were done to me. But I also want to admit and be honest about the wrongs that were done to me and the abuse that was done to me in the name of Love.

I need time and separation, but mostly I need love and understanding. It's one of the most painful and isolating experiences I've ever gone through in my life, and so utterly earth shattering and life changing and most of the time you can't even talk to your family or friends about it because you are so afraid of the way they will react and what they will take away from you.

A lot of this is very surface level of my journey through this "deconstruction" of faith if that's what you want to call it. There's so much more that I could go in depth in, but again I don't always have the words or mental fortitude to really get into a lot of things.

If you still have questions I'll try my best to answer. I know this is a really sad and hard thing for a lot of people to hear, and yeah.

It is sad. It's devastating.

There are days I wish could go back to the way it was, or that I could fully go back into the faith.... but I can't. And, despite the excruciating pain and grief that I've been going through, I ironically feel so much more freedom and peace than I ever did in religion. Which I know is hard to comprehend... it's hard for me to explain.

I'm sorry for the ramble and the heaviness. But I guess now's as good a time as any to finally admit this about myself and where I am at.

My final thought is to please have so much grace and understanding to people in your life who are going through a similar process to me. If you have friends or family in this same process, please just be kind to them. They didn't ask for any of this, and many times these doubts and questions came from things out of their control, and they're simply trying and surviving the best they can. There is so much pain there that I'm sure they haven't expressed to you because they are afraid of losing everyone and everything that they love, simply because they do not believe in the same thing anymore. So just love them, and hold space for them and don't argue or defend, as that will only push them away further. And also be open to them. They may have very important and valid insights to things that you may have become blind to. If you really believe in a loving, kind and gracious God then he would be doing those things for these people 10 fold.

[humanmorph]

C/W (01-05) thoughts

Finished the first C/W arc + first faction game (which really took me a while. I'm blaming PALISADE and also the bad weather and ALSO getting obsessed with finishing a bigass drawing in 2 weeks)!

I've said this in a different post already when I had just started listening, but I had like, way lower expectations on this, which seems silly in hindsight. I think I just have a tougher time relistening to podcasts (it's not an issue with rereading books or rewatching movies, really), and often stop about halfway... But it's just really fun to look at C/W again having listened to the rest of the Divine Cycle (and also the other seasons, because it's fun to look at the different player characters throughout). And like. They've gotten better at this over the years so by comparison C/W is 'worse' but it's still fucking good. When it hits it hits, and it honestly hasn't even really started hitting yet (though there's some good moments already for sure. Mako buying a bunch of robots was exactly as funny as I remembered it being)! I'm pretty much just excited for everything, but the Kingdom Game expecially. Something else I'm enjoying (and he'll always continue to do this, but it's so Present in C/W) is how Austin describes scenes. He uses film making language SO much (Counter/WEIGHT is an anime, right)! It's good stuff. I'm trying to not get too used to the system because I know they'll switch. I know WHY they switched and stuff & agree with that decision but I still think it's a cool system & am enjoying the time with it, even if some scenes do drag on quite a bit (which isn't only because of the system, but it also isn't helping).

Some character stuff, I guess: AuDy: They were my favourite at the start last time I listened and I think that pretty much holds up. They're just good. They don't even do that much in this first arc (although dropping from the ceiling as a distraction is pretty fucking great), & I think most of the really good AuDy moments are still coming up, so it speaks to the fact that it's just a good concept for a character that I immediately enjoy. I'm pretty sure they continued to be my favourite pretty much until September? I guess l'll can talk more on it when I get there, though.

Mako: I'm gonna be honest I remembered Mako as way more annoying than he is. At least in this beginning arc. He's literally fine. His whole fogging robots deal is kind of weird to listen to now, since it's something they'd either not do now or actively adress in the story since it's a kind of way to take away agency that's pretty uncomfortable when you look at it longer. I wonder if there's a way that'll come up in the first Chime mission mini-arc? Their hands are a bit tied there since it's a prequel I guess, but there's probably a way to do it. Anyways, Mako ends up as my favourite by the end of the season, and I actually don't quite remember how he got there? But same with AuDy, I'll talk more on it when I get to September (it's possible it was the clone reveal. I love those).

Cass & Aria: They have to share a paragraph because I don't have an extremely strong opinion on them either from my last listen at this point in the story, nor do I now. I'm excited for Aria stuff expecially though. I've mentioned this before, but I'm definitly better at listening and actually processing information now, and it's extremely possible that I just missed things about both Aria and Cass that were just kind of mentioned in a sentence but are actually very important to their characters. (Looking back, I listened to C/W right after I had covid, so some sort of brainfog might also be at fault.) Expecially because Ali isn't very. I can't think of the right word now. But she's just quieter in play (not audio! that's Art.). It's nice seeing everyone get better at this, but for Ali expecially I'm super excited to see her go back to Aria for that mini-arc.

Re: the faction game - it's really good that I know that they cut back on factions later / consolidate them because it is. Not overwhelming necessarily but it's easy to get confused? I feel like I need to take notes on what factions do or like, also have a list of all of them to check to keep track. It's probably a good idea to check out the summaries on the wiki after I listen to these & see if I missed anything. (I keep zoning out because I'm thinking about different, later Counter/WEIGHT stuff, usually related to something they just mentioned.)

All that aside: with the scenes and also just ideas generally they are pretty much immediately crushing it. Like oh my god that first Snowtrak scene just rules so much. That's critical worldbuilding, smart characterization, and fun interaction between good friends right there.

I definitly didn't draw fanart when I was listening in 2020, and I don't know if I will now, but I'm at least in more of a mindset to even want to do it. (& actually, there is ONE scene I was extremely wanting to draw even back then, I just thought I couldn't do it. I do think I can do it now! And I will at the very least try.) But speaking of art, here's a Hudson Thorne for your troubles if you read to the end: