#i came up with her in like what... summer of 2021? but she was just a text back then

[katyspersonal]

*boots down door*

You mention Bloodborr OC's

GIMME ALL THE BACKGROUND!!!!

Allllllright, I think I will tell you about my favorite!

Strangely enough, I did only draw her ONE whole time so far, back in, what?.. June 2022? And it is only a headshot! But I always imagine her wearing cyan/indigo/grey clothes, fashioned after Old Hunters' aesthetic, and... a particular iron helmet with only one eye hole, yes. She is an OC based entirely on how you choose to read this line:

She appeared in my head based off a few factors; that we can clearly see Valtr being summoned with both eyes visible (not a single effort to obscure the second eye, unlike with Djura), we know that Impurity rune that LETS you see Vermin was discovered 'within a forbidden Beast Eater' (so, Valtr himself), we know that Valtr curses not only beasts but the 'freakish slugs and mad doctors', and we know that Clocktower Dial has a rune similar to Impurity but not exactly it:

(Thank you @val-of-the-north for handy refs ( x ))

That gave me a thought, aboutl Valtr being taken right into Research Hall labs upon his (rather dramatic) arrival in Yharnam; as someone who ate a beast, he was expected to be very much contaminated, and, well... Research Hall offered the so-called voluntary-obligatory treatment for such people. Either get killed before you became a beast, or be "treated" to not become a beast :') And this is where he met an Old Hunter Geranea, that was likewise dragged into research - and already missing one eye, since all patients get one eye removed to become an Eye Pendant + for easier access to their brain.

I always presumed runes system was a deciphering system more than it was a set number of the runes, since Ludwig and Adeline were able to envision their own runes without Caryll! So, Impurity rune is special - it is a concept. Every person has their own alternative of Impurity rune, as it appeals to the individual concept of what IS evil. Geranea quickly caught up that there was something abnormally filthy in Valtr and insisted that he should not have gotten 'water' treatment under any circumstances lest he'd erupt under it flourishing and die right after. People that yearn to exterminate evil see 'human dregs' as pests, but people who yearn to treat it peacefully see evil as flowers. Geranea was able to see the flowers akin tomb mold that you find across dungeons and Hunter's Nightmare sprouting from people before they died, as indication of how 'dirty' their blood was, and... let's say, Valtr had an extraordinary amount of them because of what happened to him.

She helped him to envision his own idea of evil as someone familiar with Caryll's runes language, deciphering the weird sounds his body was emitting, and helped him to escape by giving him her eye pendant to use as a bait on the string for a giant crow that was frequenting Research Hall's balcony - think of holding a carrot on the string before a donkey! As for her own fate? Well, she was able to see through utter corruption of both 'Sea' and 'Stars', rejecting both and becoming one of the few if not the only one patient that banished the Arcane from her body with raw hatred and willpower alone.

She would manage to escape the Research Hall and cover her identity in new costume and with the new weapon, to not get caught by the Assassins. And... of course, she'd get the bucket helm, to obscure her face! She was to contact Valtr later under new identity, but their friendship was just not meant to last; they had drastically different ideas on how to treat human dregs and fell apart in a very nasty conflict over it, parting their ways.

Ever since then, Geranea was a strange cross between a Hunter and a Blood Minister (don't confuse with Blood Saint!). She would find people afflicted with human dregs through seeing whether they displayed 'flowers' sprouting from them. Her having banished the Arcane influence from her very body and soul via spite alone granted her blood a special immunity against both Beast and Kin afflictions, so her treatment? It included taking the blood from a person, transfusing it into her own body, putting up the mental fight against this person's darkest impulses (or corruption of Great Ones), and, after immunity has been worked up, she'd give the 'healed' blood back to this person. Just... Giving them free antibodies against their OWN afflictions that she'd work on her own. Doesn't it sound like too good to be true?

Well, that it was. Not only effect of such immunity still COULD virtually wear down, but also poor Geranea would let evil, insanity and pain of people through herself over and over. And over and over and over and over and over... In the end, it cracked her up, and she grew to be corrupted and no longer able to process all this - becoming evil and twisted herself. Her last sane thought however? That was Valtr.

She crawled back to him, being terribly mutated and having twisted thoughts, reflecting empathy to all afflicted people she healed from their darkest impulses. Their last meeting in long time was essentially her telling him that he was right and begging to be killed, that he did. He knew what exactly ruined her, and his conclusion was: "The filth of this world doesn't deserve compassion of a kind soul".

He took her helmet though, as a further reminder to himself to always stay relentless before human dregs extermination, and never had a heart to alter it even one bit, despite having both eyes. However, he later met Yamamura, who reminded him of her with his tender, sensitive heart, and he was not to make the same mistake twice; so he was to send Yamamura away as a "spy" for Healing Church in hopes he'd find new friends there and forget the mission. Granted, Yamamura appeared to be a very stubborn and prideful man, so the mission still inflicted insanity on him - especially since he saw it through Valtr's rune, not his own.

So yeah, that's for the story..; In general, Geranea was a kind person willing to tolerate a bit too much and to sacrifice too much, that is a stark contrast to her resting bitch face and kind of a rude demeanour. I can't even call her a jerk with a heart of gold, she is just a good person that might appear slightly too forceful with wishing to help.

And! Flowers thing comes from my idea that many patients had lumenweed subtly growing on them during treatment! Here are Adeline's and Rom's for example:

Geranea's faded and died upon her rejecting the 'cosmos' with both her body and her soul, but she never got around removing them as they became too entwined with her hair. But I like to think that when she finally broke mentally, those flowers in her hair were glowing and flourishing again, as if to seek for salvation.

...Aaaaaanyway, I can't believe I never really drew her that much ;-; That face ref is like... this is IT. Boy, I gotta fix myself.

[f1version]

26 BIRTHDAY KISSES ★ CL16

pairing: charles leclerc x gf!reader ( she/her )

summary: 26th birthday, 26 pictures of you and Charles kissing. A kiss for each year.

notes: i’m back from my birthday trip!! i wrote this birthday special in like 30 minutes and it’s still charles’ birthday in a couple of places so… i’m not exactly late! enjoy <3

26 KISSES: A GALLERY

By your beautiful girlfriend, in collaboration with a lot of people but mainly Joris and ourselves.

1. DRUNK DANCING: A month after we got together, we were at Arthur’s 18th birthday. We got drunk, singing and dancing to the worst playlist in existence (Lorenzo’s) and, somehow, Arthur got to capture this moment I barely even remember.

Taken by Arthur Leclerc, 2018

2. AUGUST 2019: Summer break, so sweet so loving. You made me promise that if you jumped off first, I would jump too. It took me fifteen minutes to follow after you. Also your kisses were incredibly salty.

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2019

3. THE MONZA INCIDENT: I had red lipstick the night you won in Monza, you told me it looked pretty, I asked you to kiss me, you did. Fast forward 8 minutes it was all smudged over your lips, you were 10 minutes late to the post-race conference, and Sylvia almost banned me that night. (I’m still kind of banned from your driver’s room)

Taken by Charles Leclerc, 2019

4. UNDER THE COVERS: 2020, what a crazy year. This one was taken the day we decided to finish moving in together. You were so excited, wanted everything to be perfect. Today I can say it is.

Taken by Me, 2020

5. WORDS: We were spending Christmas by ourselves, we face-timed our families, had dinner and watched movies. You gifted me three beautiful words I, of course, said back… and we also got a puppy!

Taken by Charles’ phone timer, 2020

6. OCEAN BREZEE: Just a small escapade to take a breath. You were so cuddly that day, Joris was so done with you (he still took the pic though)

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2021

7. CUTE OR HOT: I just wanted a cute morning selfie but, because of you, we ended up in a…promising mood. It was intense that’s all I have to say!

Taken by Me, 2021

8. KISS KISS KISS: 24th birthday, 24 kisses. This kind of became a tradition, let me know if you still want them this year!

Taken by Me, 2021

9. DRUNK AF: How did we got so drunk? Ask Pierre, he was the one hosting. Either way we got another amazing photo of us drunk-kissing!!!

Taken by Pierre Gasly, 2021

10. UNDER THE SEA: I’m just going to say that you and your ‘photo ideas 📸’ folder are attached by the hip. I personally love this one (even if it took half an hour to take)

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2021

11. NEW YORK: Thought you could scape this one? Never! Arthur and I didn’t spend a week listening to your complaining for nothing, babe. You must admit that this kiss was magical, everything was so pretty that day. And then it started snowing!

Taken by Arthur Leclerc, 2021

12. EXPOSED: Remember how our amazing soft launch got ruined by our trip to Ibiza? Well, here it is, the image we couldn’t stop laughing at when it came out, we really thought we were sneaky.

Taken by unknown, 2022

13. HARD LAUNCH: A week later we were kissing on live TV. It’s one of my favorite memories, I couldn’t stop smiling.

Taken by F1 TV, 2022

14. BACK KISSES: Just a picture of the morning after I learned that you can convince anyone, even the CEO of Ferrari, to allow you to leave sponsor events early. I really don’t know if you knew those kisses were there, but I woke up to this, took a picture and then left you with them until we took a shower.

Taken by Me, 2022

15. SPONSORED BY AIRMAX: That time your team forgot to book us a flight and you had to ask Lando to ask Daniel to ask Max if we could go back to Monaco with them. I’ve never seen Max talk so much, Daniel laugh so loud or Lando taking so many pictures. He even asked to take one of us, here it is:

Taken by Lando Norris, 2022

16. SIXTEEN: I bet you thought this one would have something to do with racing. Number 16. Sorry to disappoint but it’s our beautiful puppy…Sixteen! I’m not gonna lie, I still hate you for persuading me into that name. Anyways if you kiss the dog you kiss the mom!!

Taken by Me, 2022

17. 25 KISSES: Again, tell me if you want those 26 kisses this year. Look at us last year!

Taken by Me, 2022

18. NEW YEAR, SAME LOVE: Sometimes the world feels unreal when I’m with you, this was one of those days. I felt in another reality, the world slowed down, it was just you and me. I remember thinking “I fell in love with the right person” and then you kissed me.

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2022

19. BLACK SUIT: Remember when your fans thanked me for your “new” outfits? They repeated it was the girlfriend effect, you couldn’t stop talking about how stylish you are with or without me!

Taken by Me, 2023

20. PHOTOSHOOT: You got Joris to take these shots just because you wanted a new wallpaper. I thought it was silly, until one day all of them were hanging around our home. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Charlie.

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2023

21. FIVE STAR CHEFS: Not much to say, just sorry for being so distracting and thank you for the amazing (stolen from Ferrari) dinner babe!

Taken by Charles’ phone timer, 2023

22. RED LIGHTS: This year’s addition to our drunk-kissing collection. I remember you drowning shots with Carlos and Pierre, asking me to dance with you, absolutely failing at that, and then kissing me. After that there’s blurry ferrari red, giggles and a hot bath.

Taken by Andrea Ferrari, 2023

23. LAZY IN BED: Wonderful lazy days by the ocean, that’s how we spent the summer break. That morning in particular you didn’t want to get up, basically gluing me to bed. We got up at 1pm.

Taken by Me, 2023

24. JUST ONE QUESTION: Can I drive the purosangue now? Please please please

Taken by Me, 2023

20. LOVER: This day I woke up thinking about those dreams we talk about all the time, you even remembered me a couple of them throughout the day. Charlie, I do want to do this for the rest of our lives, never forget it <3

Taken by Arthur Leclerc, 2023

26. TWENTY-SIX: We are just 26 but I hope our story keeps on writing itself. I love you, these have been the happiest 6 years of my life. Happy birthday bébé ❤️

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2023

[cheriladycl01]

hey babe!

may I request AM!Seb X RB!driver!reader where she's like a female version of what he was when he drove for RB? Like, cocky, competitive and young, where she's basically him paying for his sins lmao

thanks <333

I see my reflection in your eyes - Sebastian Vettel x RedBullDriver! Reader

Plot: Cocky Young Red Bull Driver looks good when your in a team with Max Verstappen. She’s a menace on track and Sebastian feels as though he needs to put her in her place.

Warnings: SMUT. Car sex. Angst. Sexism (in the MS industry) etc. MINORS DNI 18+

A/N: Thank you for the request, my fav reader!

Credit to violetvettel for the GIF

You and Max were exceptional team-mate since you'd been promoted to Red Bull in 2021 but you'd became more of a menace on track than when you were a part of AlphaTauri.

Even though it wasn't a championship winning car, every week you were driving it like one. In your season prior to your promotion. You hadn't finished outside the points, had no DNF's a few podiums and even a race win.

Horner came to you during the summer break proposing to switch you out for Albon. Of course you immediately agreed. Max was the same age as you so you were actually already pretty close, you were always found causing mayhem around the paddock despite being in different teams right now.

Obviously once you came into RedBull the car just suited your driving style so well, and you adapted much quicker than Pierre and Alex had and on your first race in 2021 you'd set pole position. You and Max had locked out the front row and you were buzzing with energy. This could be the year you win the constructors.

However, the first race was a shame in Bahrain, Lewis had collided with you into Turn 5. Lewis ended up winning, Max in P2 and Valtteri in P3. It was supposed to be your podium ... but it didn't matter too much.

The season wasn't just a Max and Lewis battle, but you were up there as well. A real challenge for Max and you were confident.

Who wouldn't be ... first female race winner in F1 and at one point in the season you were Championship Leader?

And Sebastian always was irked by this. Because you reminded him so much of himself in his RedBull days. He was cocky, arrogant and if he was being honest with himself a bit of a prick and he could see that with you.

He didn't know if it was the more you hung out with Max or if it was just the ego getting bigger and bigger but he remembered you as a sweet little rookie... freshly out of F2 and were nervous any time you got in the car.

But now he looked at you and all he could see what the smirk... that sexy sexy smirk.

But now you were sat in a drivers conference talking about the upcoming race and problems from the last one.

The last race was Monaco and you'd podiumed with Lando and Max and it was an incredible feeling. The three of you had spent the night partying in Monte Carlo casino and the pictures were in the tabloids the next day.

The next race was Azerbaijan and towards the last few laps it was you battling it out with Sebastian. Your car wasn't at peak performance as you hadn't done well in qually. But you managed to keep it up and came through with your second win of the season thus putting you up as current championship winner. Considering all the other podiums you'd had.

The feeling of stepping out the car was incredible. The fist pump in the air, your hair caked in champagne and sweat on the podium. It was an incredible feeling.

"So comments on those last few laps, Sebastian!" an interviewer asks.

"I mean it was ridiculous i don't understand how personalities weren't awarded ..." he frowns looking over at you smiling and giggling with Lando who was, along with Max a best friend of yours on the grid.

"Please elaborate!" he asks.

"Track limits, driving dangerously ... do i need to go on!" he laughs making you turn you head to him and scoff.

"I hope you aren't talking about me" you ask looking over at him and the other drivers go silent. You are now sat back with your arms crossed and a frown on your face as you look down at him in front of you.

"Of course I'm talking about you" he grits out and you just smile at him.

"Calm down, lets not get your panties in a twist!" you mumble so only Lando and Max either side of you can and they try to hide their laughs from you.

"What was that?" he asks twisting round fully to look at you now.

"Nothing, nothing. I think just don't comment on my driving abilities when I defended from you for the last 15 laps ... pretty well" you smirk looking down at him.

He just tuts turning back round making you shake your head and sigh as the interviewer looks to you to direct his next question.

"Y/N how does it feel as a woman to have all these world champions behind you after today?" he asks and you cock your head at him in surprise.

"Re-word that..." you smile at him, and he looks just as confused as you did.

"Sorry?" he asks and everyone around looks towards you.

"All you needed to ask was who it feels to have all these world champs behind me, my gender adds nothing to the question specifically ... if you wanted to ask me about my first race win as the only woman to win an F1 race ... that different" you smile and the interviewer coughs awkwardly at the same time as you PR manager shakes her head at you to stop.

"But to answer, i had the upgrades in the car. I was determined i had a good start and the race went my way today... and I think that's all that really matters..." you smile.

After the meeting, all it took was for you to be stood outside the McLaren hospitality next to Lando and Daniel, laughing with the pair of them for Sebastian to come forward looking at you with his hands on his hips.

"You, come with me!" he exclaims grabbing your wrist making you follow him.

"What the fuck! Seb, let me go!" you say as he pulls you out of the race track paddock entrance and to where his blacked out Aston Martin was.

"Let me go!" you tug on the tight grip on your wrist.

"Just stop! What happened to the sweet girl i first met here, you are ruthless, cocky and rude now! I don't like it!" he exclaims looking over you with a frown on his face.

"I've matured Seb, I'm not the same 21 year old i was when i first came here and first met you. Stop treating me like this little girl ... I'm done being nice and friendly ... i didn't get my way that way. Just deal with it!" you say throwing your hands up in exasperation.

"Matured, yeah right? You were arguing with me in there like a spoilt little brat!" he says, his eyes were so angry right now that you actually had to take a step back.

"Seb, deal with it!" you frown, stepping away and going to turn around.

"Get in the car Y/N!" he says opening the passenger side door.

"Why should i!" you ask not facing him to give him the satisfaction that you are fully listening to him.

"Because, I want to talk ... just us two!" he says his features fully softening, your brain was melting.

It couldn't work out if he was mocking you, or if he was genuinely being sweet. You stand there, now turned back around just watching his face as he stands there holding his passenger side door open.

"Argh fine!" you cry throwing your hands up. You were part of the Ferrari Driver Development Programme when you were 21 in F2 and Sebastian was a really important part of that development and the push you needed to get into F1. He was 31 and you saw him as a friendly mentor back then.

But the way he treated you, you'd developed a crush on him and you just knew it was wrong. A 10 year age gap that you knew the media would see as an abuse of power if anything was to ever happen between the two of you.

So you started to repress those feelings. You hung out more with Charles who joined you in your rookie season starting in 2018. Then when Lando joined there was more people your age on the grid. Even though Max was 26, he acted much older thanks to the early age he had started driving at which did lead you more to Charles and Lando. But where Charles was, Seb also was.

A few season's later and you were being promoted to Red Bull.

Seb drove you all the way to a quiet and coastal part of Baku, no-one was around.

"You embarrassed me today..." he sighs looking over at you as he pulled the handbrake up so you guys were stopped.

"Oh big whoop... all the other drivers do it and they don't get shit for it!" you complain crossing your arms over you chest and leaning back in the chair to get comfortable. You could tell you were going to be here for a while and you were in the middle of city you didn't know in a pretty quiet place and you didn't want to risk your chances of getting out and getting more lost.

"You've never done that before. Why today?" he asks looking over you.

"BECAUSE!" you shout spinning round to look at him, tears brimming in your eyes.

"I never ever thought you'd comment on my driving in a bad way when it wasn't ... that was my best race to date! I went from P12, all the way up to P1. I had to fight you for the last few laps and I was getting tired. I'm current championship leader and you didn't even acknowledge me on the podium or in the cool down room. You didn't say well done or congrats ... you didn't even look at me so how was i supposed to react when the first thing i can here about my performance from my old mentor is that it was dangerous. I shouldn't have the win and i should have had a penalty for defending from you? I worked my ass of for that P1 Seb and you know it, just because your getting old and the sport is changing so the grid isn't your fucking rich boys club anymore doesn't mean you get to see on me!" you scream the whole time, your throat scratchy once you take a breath and trying to get the tears under control.

"You think I'm old huh?" he asks and your gaze snaps over to him.

"Is that the only thing you got from that whole interaction?" you say with an exhausted sigh, from constantly fighting and you were getting to the point where you were so done.

"Well, you seem annoyed that this ... old man is giving you a run for you money!" he says and you look over at him.

"I'm leaving" you say going to open the door but he stops you.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry look I just ... it's hard getting used to all ... this!" he says looking you up and down, making you cock your head to the side.

"That doesn't give you the right to treat me the way you did today. You embarrassed me too" you say softly.

"Then, let me show you I'm sorry. Because I am" he sighs pushing some of your hair behind your ear.

"W- Seb what are you doing?" you ask looking at him. You eyes widened and he couldn't help but smile. You had these walls up for the past few years, creating this sharp and unapproachable look in your eyes, almost like a viscous cat, but now your eyes were wide and doe like, the way they used to be before Red Bull.

"I've waited too many years for this moment, and I know you have too" he smiles, coming closer to you leaning over the centre of the car.

"I- no i" you try say but a blush covers your face proving to him you really didn't.

"Just shut up" he laughs before pulling you in and kissing you. He tilted your head to the side to get closer to you, and you let him. This was a moment you'd dreamt of for far too long.

You pull back, taking your seat belt off and climbing over to the drivers side to straddle across him.

"If we're doing this ... It cant be a one time thing" you say holding both sides of his cheeks.

"You've always had all the power here sweetheart. It's your move, whatever we do. But I'll be here whatever that is. I promise you! I really care for you, I -" he smiles up at you and you nod. Looking over him once more before making your decision and pulling him back in for a kiss, his hands find there way to your hips pulling you down onto him a little more making you feel everything he had to offer.

"Seb, fuck you!" you laugh as you pull back.

"That was the plan" he smirks looking up at you.

"No, I don't think you've understood how long I've liked you for but we couldn't ... we shouldn't be doing this. If people found out" you said looking at him.

"I'm about to tell you something that doesn't leave this car. 2022 will be my last year driving. If you can wait for me, once I've retired this..." he gestures between the two of you. "Can be something more. But for now, our little secret?" he smiles and you nod feverishly.

Maybe you were still on the post win high, or Seb admitting he liked you as much as you did, not with words but you could just tell from the last 20 minute conversation, but you would do anything this man told you to do right now.

"I'll wait for you, but right now i need you Seb!" you breathed looking over him and his hands find their way up to the back of your neck and pulling you closer to him.

You hands are going anywhere they can, his neck, his biceps, his shoulders, his chest under his team top.

They ventured down starting to palm him through the joggers he'd worn to the track. Groans came out of his mouth that had your mind spinning at the thought that this was actually happening.

You were with Sebastian Vettel.

You couldn't even comprehend this right now.

His fingers found there way under the skirt you were wearing and into your underwear where he started to circle your clit. Your head immediately fell into his neck at the feeling trying to muffle your moans.

"Fuck Seb, please" you cry into his shoulder as you start to move your hips to get more friction.

"What sweetheart. You need to tell me what you want. Communication ... I know you aren't good at that but you gotta try for me babygirl" he says and if he wasn't making you feel like a melted puddle of water right now you would have slapped him for that comment, even though he was so right.

He enters too fingers starting at a slow place to open you up and gradually speeds up, meeting your pathetic bounces as he holds his free arm around your back.

"I need more, Seb i need you!" you say, reaching down into his loose pants to feel just how hard he'd gotten.

"Fuck baby, just like that!" he says, his hand comes down to the side of the seat to recline it a little seeing how cramped you were at the your back was close to hitting the horn. He leant fully back, taking his fingers out of you, a groan of complaint at the loss of feeling.

"Go on baby" he says, sucking his fingers off, cleaning what was there from you before reclining himself back onto the seat his arms behind his head as he waited for you.

You pulled down his joggers and pants, his dick having been straining against them the entire time.

You move yourself up, pulling your panties to the side your arms coming either side of his head on the chair as you sunk down onto him.

"Fuck" you breathed as the sting from the stretch had you biting your lip.

"You got this sweetheart, just a little more" he smiles, his arms coming down from behind his head to settle on your hips to help you lower yourself smoothly onto him.

He was on cloud nine right now, he'd always liked you and now having you here was like a treat he'd never had before but became addicted to on the first taste.

You clamped around him at the feeling which released a whiny groan from the man below you. Once you'd bottomed out, you sat there for a little, letting yourself adjust.

"Who knew, I'd win and this is my celebration" you joke looking down at him, and he just laughs back.

"I can tell you, my intention wasn't to have sex in my car with you, I just wanted to apologize. But i cant help myself when it comes to you" he groans as you start to move a little bit.

"I never thought-" you moan in between kisses with him. "I'd have this" you say as you start to move up and down a little quicker. He starts to help you moving you up and down on him with his hands but his hands were starting to shake from the sheer amount of pleasure he was experiencing.

"I don't ever want this to end" he says as he starts to run your clit, feeling himself get embarrassingly close as quickly as he was from how you were clenching around him.

"It doesn't have too!" you smile, pulling him into a kiss.

He starts to thrust up into you, his movements from his hands getting quicker as your bounces managed to keep up. Beauty of being an athlete and having insane stamina.

You both come to your highs at the same time, you fall onto him your head going into his neck and his arms wrap around you to hold you too him so you couldn't go anywhere.

He didn't want you to.

"So... am I still a rude prick?" you ask smiling at him.

"Yeah, but i guess we can say your my rude prick. I'll keep you in line don't worry" he smirks and his words made you nod and blush, before placing another light, yet sweet kiss on his lips, making him sigh happily.

Taglist:

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[mickyschumacher]

𝐆𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐔𝐒  .ೃ࿐

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: you were in love with f1's beloved honey badger and you had been for almost year. but why in the world had you instead fallen for his teammate? or in which infidelity has laid it's sticky little hands on you.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: slight angst, infidelity naturally, falling out of love, steamy makeout sesh, suggestive content, pining, sad boy hours for daniel, lando being kind of a sneaky bastard, age-gap between reader and boys (8 years for dan and 2 years for lan), reader born in australia, set in 2020/2021, false or incorrect marine biology lingo and protocols lol, mention of crossiant horner, poor explanation of f1, mentions of insecurity, proof-read...ish

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: daniel ricciardo x marine biologist!female reader, lando norris x marine biologist!female reader

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 4k+

𝐀/𝐍: i felt bad for not posting so here's me digging into my reserves! written when i did more song-based fics!! i wish life wasn't so busy 🤧 i have started a few thingsssssss but it's definitely going to be a while before i post them sorry 😣

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

⋆  •°.  。  .°•  ⋆

You, honestly, were a normal girl. Mundane as mundane gets. Never once had you imagined of cameras, headlines and the need for a PR specialist in your life.

But it's what you had gotten. That's what Daniel Ricciardo came with.

You had met the Australian on pure accident. It was late 2020 and the season had just come an end. Hamilton was a six-times World Champion and Daniel had his last season with Renault. He hadn't got the result he wanted but he was optimistic about his future with McLaren. So eventually, he headed home to Australia for the Christmas holidays.

Now you would like to consider yourself a well-versed Australian. Especially considering you were born there. Robert Irwin was the most beloved Australian for years to come and Margot Robbie and Chris Hemsworth were your Aussie reps in America.

Somehow, however, you had never really got F1 or Formula One. That's not to say you hadn't heard of it. Honestly, for the past few years it was difficult to pass Albert Park in the summer of March without it flashing in front of your eyes. But if someone were to ask you anything about it, you would blink blankly and apologise.

Which is exactly what you did in early December. You were out having lunch with your closest friends at a local cafe, catching up on the year in the fresh yet skin-damaging Aussie sun.

You were in midst conversation when a brunette girl politely interrupted you. "Hi, sorry. This is going to sound really weird. I'm doing this on a bet. But do all three of you know that man over there? In the hat?”

You looked over to her table full of people. It seemed like she was with her family and friends. You and your friends zoned on the man in the hat, a guy who was trying to not make it obvious that he was aware of what was going on.

You scrutinised him carefully and unsurprisingly, you didn’t know him. Surprisingly, you did find that he was attractive. The curly hair, the scruff… you wondered whether he was actually Australian because no men in Australia looked like that.

Your two friends nodded while confirming with one another. “It’s Daniel, right? The driver?” One of them asked.

Your other friend hummed in agreement.

The brunette looked over at you. You blinked at her as your face slowly morphed into an apologetic expression. “I’m sorry. I don’t know.”

The brunette, which you expected to be somewhat sad about it, ended up smiling while your friends’ faces dropped.

“Thank you! Oh my god. You have no idea what you’ve just done!” The brunette laughed loudly, capturing the attention of her table. She pointed at the man in the hat, clutching her stomach. “She doesn’t know who you are, Danny. Take that!”

Similarly to your friends, the male’s face dropped. He looked at you and tilted his head.

When Daniel actually saw you for the first time, he was in shock. Not the type of shock of an Aussie not knowing who he was. But rather the shock of being in the presence as someone as beautiful as you.

Your eyes were tantalising and your apologetic expression was cute.

He waved a hand in dismissal. “It’s okay. I’m just an F1 driver.”

You nodded in slow understanding. Maybe you had in fact seen his posters in Albert Park. Honestly, you couldn’t be sure. Life as a marine biologist was busy and all over the place. Recognising celebrities or athletes was kind of the last thing on your mind.

━━━━━━━━━━━

That day you went home with the expectation of a normal tomorrow. One where you were out at the ocean and exploring the waters you had loved so much.

You wish you could say it came as a shock to see that same curly haired man on the wharf, but given the current temperatures that heavily contrasted your winter, it was reasonable as any other Aussie here.

What you didn’t expect was you passing him to get to your boat and then hearing a voice enter the air. “Hey! Excuse me. Sorry. You’re the girl from yesterday, right?”

You turned to the man, hand over your eyes to protect yourself from the harsh rays and take a closer look at him. Just in case it wasn’t him.

“Uh, yeah? You’re the driver, right?”

Daniel gave a wide smile, extending out his hand. “I’m Daniel. Daniel Ricciardo.”

Oh my. What a smile he had. The type to make you feel happy just by looking at it. You couldn’t even help but smile in response. You reached out to shake his hand, not ready to feel a weird sort of spark between the two of you.

“I... I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

Daniel slowly removed his hand from yours, grabbing any last second he could. He eyed the briefcase and scuba gear in your hands. “You diving?”

You looked at your equipment. “Well, testing. I’m a marine biologist. Although, I guess I’m still diving.”

Daniel pursed his lips. Now he had to get to know you. You were beautiful and a marine biologist. An Aussie dream.

“Oh yeah? What are you testing?” He queried with a raised brow,

“Oh! Uh, currently things like the local fish populations in decline. Their habitat. Whether they’re safe or not. Algae growth. Predators. pH levels. All the fun stuff...” You sheepishly trailed off once you realised you began rambling.

You didn’t know but in that moment Daniel was in awe of you. The twinkle in your eyes that rose once you talked about your work. Like your work was your passion. That’s how he felt about F1.

You watched Daniel nod as if he were actually interested. “Do you mind if I come with? I won’t contaminate anything. Promise.”

You mended your brows together. It wasn’t uncommon for people to ask to join. But the way Daniel said it… like it was something he had to do or he would regret it for the rest of his life, you couldn’t help feel compelled. “Um, yeah. Do you not have to be on the road or something though? ‘Cause your a driver?”

“Oh F1 only goes between March and November. We’re on holiday at the moment. Well sort of.”

“Oh,” you mumbled out cluelessly. Your cheeks burned with a tinge of embarrassment. How had you managed to get through all these years of living and not known about this?

Daniel laughed lightly at the reddening of your cheeks. Just when he though he could find you any cuter. “Don’t worry. I’ll teach you F1. And you can teach me the ocean.”

So the two of you went into your boat. The sun beat down onto you so harshly that for most of it, you had retreated to driving the vessel in the shade as Daniel sat next to you.

It had gone so well that this, whatever it was, became a regular occurrence after you exchanged numbers that day.

You were learning a lot about him and his job. He was actually Italian-Australian. He started this passion with go-karting. You found out F1 wasn’t just racing but it was racing to another extreme. 300 kph. God, getting your car to 100 kph for the open road was thrill enough for you.

That made Daniel wheeze with laughter and promise he would take you for a drive in a sports car to get a taste of the speed he craved for.

Apparently F1 had 10 teams, each with 2 drivers. In each of the teams, the drivers had the same car to drive, cars that were constructed originally by each team. The point of the races were for two championships. The Driver’s World Championship, the title the driver wanted to win, and the Constructors’ Championship, the title everyone from the driver to the team strategist wanted to win. They were calculated by the amount of points received by the drivers in the races.

All the races were settled through a long weekend of sorts. Fridays were for practices to see how the car was on the track as they had different conditions per track. Saturdays were for qualifying. Here, Daniel would push the car to its limits to get the fastest lap time as the drivers were ranked to then get a position for the actual race tomorrow. Sundays were where they raced for points.

All of it was slightly complex, especially with the penalties and rules that they followed. Buy you seemed to get the gist of it.

Daniel had learnt that you had grown up in Australia and like him had to travel a lot for your work. Weirdly, some times his race dates would match up with your travelling. Daniel chose to take that as a sign. You were 8 years younger than him, taking him by a slight surprise. You were 23 and he was 31. But it didn’t seem like it mattered to you. Communication between the two of you was a smooth sail.

Daniel even opened up about his time with Red Bull. A whirl of bad and annoying memories. But when you had said that you would like to see Christian Horner step on to your boat and throw him overboard into a tank of piranhas, only for thirty seconds of course, Daniel had never laughed harder.

━━━━━━━━━━━

By the billionth time you had hung out, the sun was setting in the evening, providing a refreshing cold breeze to match the heat. Christmas was close soon. And Daniel was aching to ask you out.

He had to go into this next season of driving knowing he had you by his side. Even his own family was pushing him to ask. Especially his sister, Michelle, who had dubbed herself the cupid as she was the very brunette who had technically introduced you two, or so she claimed.

The both of you had finished a dive and were heading to Daniel's car. You were supposed to have dinner with his family on this fine evening.

"You good, Danny?" You looked over to the man. Daniel, for the loud and outgoing person he was, was being rather quiet today. You couldn't really put your finger on why either. You took pride in being able to read people. But it looked like his mind was at some sort of battle.

He gave an idle hum, getting into the driver's seat.

You raised a brow, closing the door on the passenger side shut. Your hand reached out to his thigh, making him break his trance and flicker his eyes towards you.

"Listen, I don't know what it is or what's going on. But I'm all ears if you want," You smiled, patting his thigh. You went to remove your hand but Daniel placed his hand over yours, keeping you there.

Daniel's heart was in his throat. He was not normally a nervous man. He was the epitome of confidence. But you seemed to tear that down, in the nicest way, quite easily.

Daniel absorbed your curious eyes before releasing a shaky breath. "Uh," he awkwardly chuckled, scratching the back of his head. "I'm not normally like this. I can't really explain it... but these past few weeks, I... I haven't felt like this in a really long time. With you I feel free... happy... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really like you. And even if I'm ancient, I would really like to be with you. You know. Together. If that wasn't clear."

The smile on your face the moment you realised what was going on hadn't stopped growing. You watches his eyes dart around, looking for a signal of anything. A yes. A no.

You looked down at your hands. The warmth of his spread among your one. You turned your hand to intertwine them with his and squeezed his hand, looking back up at him. "I think you took the words right out my mouth. I like you too, Danny. A lot. Even as an 'old ass man.'"

An odd silence settled within the car as Daniel simply stared at you, honey brown eyes hold your own.

"Danny? Are you okay?"

Daniel's eyes turned into crescents while his infamous wide smile sprawled onto your face. "Can I kiss you?"

You stilled in the passenger seat. Your eyes flickered to his lips before meeting his eyes once again. You weren't sure if you could trust your voice at the moment so you gave a curt nod.

Daniel smiled softly at the flustered expression you sported. Instead of leaning his head in like you expected to, he reached over to your seat and lifted you out of it. You released a small yelp before landing onto his lap, straddling his crotch as you faced towards him.

Daniel's fingers played with the slightly dampened tresses that had fallen around your face and pushed them behind your ears. His fingers trailed down to your heated cheeks and to your jaw. Bringing you closer to him, he leaned his head towards you.

Daniel's lips fell into yours. His hands soon fell to your back as your arms snaked his neck. The world... your surroundings were all gone. All you could feel was each other. His fingers sneaking past the hem of your shirt and grazing your bare skin. The action sent a wave of heat within you.

You let out a small muffled moan causing Daniel to adjust himself in his seat. A bulge had formed in his pants, aching at your touch. You released yourself from him for a gasp of air, which fell into further pleasurable gasps as Daniel's swollen lips had found your neck, leaving a trail of small sloppy kisses.

Daniel rested his chin onto your shoulder before pulling back to look at you. He grinned at your dazed expression. "As much as I would like to continue this in such a fitting setting like a car, I would rather our first time in an actual bed."

You let out a small laugh, feeling yourself fluster even further while you gave him a tight hug.

And that's how your relationship had started. Since then, it had been almost a year. In that year, you had gotten impossibly closer. You had visited his races without telling him because you were scared. You were scared of distracting him and scared for him. The first F1 race you went to matched up to your meetings with other marine biologists and techs in Spain. God, you didn't know cars could even go that fast. The occasional toss of a car to the side sent fear coursing through you.

Eventually, Daniel had found out and reassured you that you being there wouldn't harm anything. In fact, the thought of it calmed him down and encouraged him. He had even introduced you to some of the team and whispered in your ear when he pointed to Red Bull's team principal.

"Oh... so that's the man going overboard. That's a shame. You didn't tell me he look like a sea otter. Sea otters are supposed look cute. I'll just pretend he's plant plankton."

Daniel had never laughed harder at something. Just when he thought he couldn't love you more. God, you were a sight to behold. He would never understand how you managed to be who you were.

You had felt the same.

Well, at least that was until when you met his new teammate in McLaren, Lando Norris.

Lando was two years younger than you and what some people called the British Ricciardo. He was constantly smiling and cracking jokes. He was the moodmaker.

The vibe he had was like an annoying little brother of a sort.

But people obviously didn't feel attracted to someone if they truly thought of them like that.

You shouldn't feel this way. It was wrong. You had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who adored you. You had tried to keep yourself occupied with your job to avoid having to attend too many races and meet the McLaren team, in fear of meeting Lando.

But of course, how were you going to refuse to celebrate Lando's 2nd podium of the year in Monaco when Daniel asked?

So here you were. In a club dressed in a cream coloured set: a long sleeved bralette and a long skirt starting from your waist, ending just before your heels with a slit in the middle.

The compliment you had received in your ear from Daniel made you wish you could say you were dressed for him in the first place. But it would be a lie to say that.

You had navigated yourself around the club to drown yourself in some alcohol. You needed a distraction and you felt that being some what drunk and out of it would've helped.

you should take it as a compliment that i got drunk and made fun of the way you talk. you should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong. and i got a boyfriend, he's older than us he's in the club doing, i don't know what you're so cool, it makes me hate you so much.

You were out of it for sure. Because sober you did not have the guts you had right now. The guts to not only sit at the same table as Lando but next to him and make fun of his British accent with Carlos.

"No, Carlos. I'm pretty sure he sounded like 'No no no... you ruined my ice cream,'" You laughed lightly as the Spaniard refused to agree with you.

"No he has bit of a weird sound at the 'ruined' part. He sound like those kids in the UK... on the road? What are they again..."

Lando's face burst with amusement. He laughed so hard, he had to prevent his cup from falling out of his hand. "Do you mean..." He gasped for air, "Roadmen?"

Jesus. Carlos Sainz discussing roadmen was the funniest thing that had happened so far.

You weren't sure where Daniel was even. All you knew he was probably talking to some other team member of McLaren. You were rather preoccupied and entranced by the British male next to you.

You couldn't explain it but it was as if there was a magnetic field around him and you, like an element, were simply attracted to him. As if there was no other path to go. He made you laugh differently. Feel differently. He was also a looker. That boyish charm that simply pulled you in. It made you wonder how strong his magnetic field was.

The science of it was simple. You may be a marine biologist but you hadn't flunked physics. The stronger the intensity of a field, the further the magnet, Lando, will be able to attract elements, like you. All you knew was that he was strong enough to inexplicably take you attention away from your own boyfriend.

you're so gorgeous i can't say anything to your face 'cause look at your face. and i'm so furious at you for making me feel this way but what can i say? you're gorgeous.

This attraction you felt to Lando what ridiculous in itself. But you had felt it from when you first met him and you felt it now. Lando was simply gorgeous. His smile was breathtaking. His laugh felt pretty.

And it infuriated you. You wanted to yell at him, tell him to stop. These feelings, this flutter, this tingle... make it all stop, you wanted to say.

But you could never say that to his face. How could you? Those same things came back every time you looked at him.

The smile. The flutter. The tingle.

You wondered whether he had even looked at himself in the mirror. You wondered whether ever had felt insecure about the way he looked and that if he did, you wished he hadn't.

Everything thing about him was simply enticing. A delightful view... from the arms of Daniel.

you should take it as a compliment that i'm talking to everyone here but you. and you should think about the consequence of you touching my hand in a darkened room. if you've got a girlfriend, i'm jealous of her. but if you're single that's honestly worse. 'cause you're so gorgeous it actually hurts.

This feeling... this infatuation was overwhelming for you. You were a taken girl. You had even made it was to the multiple Instagram F1 'WAGs' accounts and were met with the most glorious welcomes by fans.

You needed to get a grip on yourself for Christ's sake. Lando was also taken. Even if he was single, which if you were being honest was an insult to romance itself, you didn't have a chance let alone now. No matter how jealous you were, you had to be realistic. You paled in comparison to the fame Portuguese models that F1 drivers often found themselves with.

Of course, you had to admit they were beautiful. You had no conflict with them. They weren't your classic mean girls. They were impossibly nice and you even found yourself in some interesting conversations. But at the end of the day, you were simply a marine biologist.

So in the darkness of the club, you had managed to isolate yourself from Lando, who had gone with Pierre somewhere, and made the struggling and gruelling effort to talk to anyone else but him. You had conversed with Carlos before he had gone somewhere with his girlfriend. You had settle for Charles as a distraction.

Charles was a pleasure to talk to. As always, he was also so kind and sweet with his words. The type you were sure that when you looked at the, you knew that their mother raised them right.

Daniel had finally found his way to you, mentioning that Zak Brown had just pulled him aside for a talking to. You asked if he was okay, in which he responded with a smile and said: "Now that I'm with you, yes."

You managed to give him a soft and believable smile. Daniel was standing behind you, joining in your conversation with Charles. It wasn't until you were in the midst of a conversation about life in Monaco that you felt a hand on yours.

You smiled gently, expecting it to be Daniel's but instead it was Lando's.

ocean blue eyes looking in mine. i feel like i might sink and drown and die.

Your eyes snapped up to meet Lando's face. His blue eyes bore into yours.

Those goddamn eyes of his would be the end of you. The similarity of them to the oceans you had travelled and the beautiful creatures you had seen was uncanny.

Your heart paced furiously against your chest. He must've been drunk or tipsy to the very least to stumble onto you. There was no way he had purposely wanted you to drown in his eyes.

You sucked in a quiet sharp breath and edged to removed your hand. But as quickly as you had made that decision, the gnawing feeling at your heart had grown more intense and taunted you. Lando's hand hurried to grab yours and place it back where it was.

Your eyes shook with awe and lingered with a dangerous thrill. You could feel his fingers rub the back of your hand gently before intertwining them.

You looked blankly at the table in front of you while Lando had joined in the conversation so casually, like nothing was even going on. You had to thank your stars that the club was able to be as dark as it was.

A lot of the noise around you had turned into white noise and blurs of sound. Charles must've complimented you as you had managed to capture some mention of fish and coral reefs from your boyfriend.

you make me so happy it turns back to sad. there's nothing i hate more than what i can't have and you are so gorgeous, it makes me so mad. you make me so happy it turns back to sad. there's nothing i hate more than what i can't have and guess i'll just stumble on home to my cats alone unless, you wanna come along?

It was Daniel kissing your cheek fondly and Lando's hand grazing your knee under the table that had brought you back to reality.

The happiness and adrenaline you felt was wrong. You knew with every crevice and fibre of your body that this had to stop. This attraction and sickly sweet infatuation with Lando. God, he just made you so fuzzy. You could barely think straight.

You were stuck in between two men who had their touch on you. It wasn't right. As much as you liked Lando, he angered your entire being. He had simply waltzed into your life. He was playing along with your feelings.

Lando's damning eyes averted to you when he felt your hand slip away from him forcefully.

You hoped the guilt in your eyes shone as much as they could in this darkness.

You were going to have to break up with a man who would give you everything. You would have to leave all of... this... and get away from here.

You needed everything to return to normal. You had no idea how exactly you were going to explain a sudden return home without inflicting any suspicion.

All you knew now was that you had to make a lengthy apology to a man you had not realised you had fallen out of love with.

You supposed that was love.

Love was a bittersweet feeling. It was beautiful and fluttering but brought a lot of tragedy and strife along with it.

That was love: simply gorgeous.

© 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐘𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑

[sweetcherryharry]

Begin Again — 02

Synopsis: Harry and Y/N had a secret relationship for almost two years, until they broke up. A year later, she shows up at one of his Love On Tour shows.

(masterlist)

Y/N wasn’t sure what her best option was. She had three running through her mind, trying to decide in just a few seconds what the best possible outcome could be.

One, she could simply act as if she had never read that message. After all, she never opened his texts, she just read them through her notifications on her phone’s lock screen. She could simply reply in half an hour that she didn’t see them on time and that she was already close to her home, and that the show was amazing. 

This way, she’d simply avoid what she dreaded the most; the awkward conversation about how they’ve been. 

Two, she could simply stay in the pit and follow what he told her; wait for a bodyguard to retrieve her to get her backstage. It wouldn’t be the first time, but the difference was that this time, she wasn’t alone, and they weren’t dating anymore. She’d need to tell both Maia and Natalie about the little huge secret she kept.

They didn’t know anything about it because Y/N had become close friends with them until the pandemic ended and life returned to normal —going back to classes on January 2022— and by that time, she had recently ended things with Harry.

They had broken up in December 2021 and throughout that semester (August-December), she had been traveling with him on his North America tour, meaning she decided to take all of her classes online, even though some of them were already offered to be on campus with a facemask on.

But then, after the breakup, she came back to the California campus for her final semester, ready to graduate in the summer, which she did. There was where she became a very close friend to Maia and Natalie, so technically, she never lied to them about it.

She had mentioned months ago that she had an ex-boyfriend, and how they dated for almost two years before things got complicated and broke up. And yes, she had told them his name was Harry, but that was about it.

She wasn’t sure how her friends would react if the Harry she had told them about was nonetheless, Harry fucking Styles.

And finally, her third option would be to tell her friends that she’ll make her way home later and that they should start getting ahead. What excuse was she going to tell them? She had no idea. And honestly… she knew that neither Maia nor Natalie would want to leave her alone, so this option was almost impossible.

“Are you okay?” Natalie interrupted her thoughts, and that’s when Y/N noticed she had been stuck in her tracks, staring at her screen while she tried to figure out what she should do. “You’ve been standing there for about a minute looking at your phone.”

Maia and Natalie were both looking at her with concern, and for a moment, Y/N felt somehow bad that she was ruining their good moods with her own worries. Minutes earlier, they were thrilled, ranting about the show nonstop, and now, it seemed like the mood between the trio died a little.

Y/N was highly expressive with her facial features, which was both a curse and a blessing, and for that, she knew she couldn’t lie about how she was feeling. But, that didn’t mean she couldn’t say a tiny white lie to lift their concerns.

“Yeah, nothing to worry about,” She shrugged their concerns off, plastering a smile on her lips, “I just got a reminder of something work-related, a few things I need to get done before Monday.”

Maia groaned, “I don’t even want to talk about work right now, I miss being a university student, and simply pushing all the work for Sunday night.” Her comment made the girls laugh, remembering the stress they’d feel trying to complete a whole long assignment in just three hours.

“Stressful times,” Natalie commented with a chuckle, before checking the hour on her own phone, “It’s almost eleven, do you guys want to crash over at my apartment, or do you want to go out?”

And that’s when Y/N decided which was her best option, to leave right now with her friends and act like Harry never asked her to stay back to meet with her backstage. Her past relationship would remain a secret, and she wouldn’t have to explain everything to her friends. 

Later in the night, she’ll simply reply that she didn’t see it in time and that the show was amazing.

“Even though I’m just 23, I’m tired already. So much jumping, dancing, and screaming.” Maia replied, to which Y/N agreed. “I’d love to crash at your place and just order some takeout.”

“Perfect,” Natalie replied, and hooked both of her arms with her friends, “Shall we?”

As the three girls resumed their way to the exit of the pit —which was already more on the empty side— they talked about the number of feathers that decorated the floor. It was crazy, really, the number of colors that fans brought to each show.

Y/N loved it.

“Wait!” Maia stopped the girls, and turned to look at them with a grin, “let’s record a quick Tiktok! The one where you stand in the pit with a straight face, and the song Static plays up, and you’re like ‘the concert ended, what now?’” 

But before Y/N could say that she wasn’t sure about it, due to the fact that she wanted to leave the place as soon as possible and avoid the bodyguard who’ll come to retrieve her in a few minutes, Maia was already pulling both girls to the barricade alongside her.

In the blink of an eye, Maia had already handed her phone to a random fan who was standing nearby, and the three girls stood side by side. Y/N was wearing her green and black outfit, while Maia wore pink and Natalie yellow.

“Three… two… one!” The girl who was recording them announced to them that the Tiktok was now recording, and the three girls remained serious, their eyes locked on the camera as the girl recording took a few steps back, just like the trend. “Done! I loved it.”

“Thank you so much!” Y/N replied, taking Maia’s phone in her hands. She was beginning to feel nervous, the quicker they left, the less probability there was that she would be approached. The girl simply smiled at her, mumbling a ‘you’re welcome’ and went with her friend, leaving the trio behind.

Y/N handed Maia her phone, and the short-haired girl was quick to post it, typing a quick caption and adding the harrystyles and lotnight5 hashtags, along with tagging Natalie’s and Y/N’s users.

“Okay, now let’s go!” 

And as the trio started to take steps away from the barricade, Y/N let out a deliberately quiet exhale, relief filling her body a few seconds later as she finally crossed the exit doors from the pit and unto the outside of the Kia Forum. 

But, that relief she felt for those few seconds didn’t last long. 

As the girls started to make their way unto the hallway that led to the parking lot, the girl in the green outfit felt a gentle, yet sturdy hand on her shoulder, making her turn around to look for the owner of the extremity, who was now looking for her attention.

Y/N swore she felt her heart falling to her feet as she saw who was now in front of her. It wasn’t a regular bodyguard or another fan that had stopped her —no— it was none other than Jeff, Harry’s manager and someone she had many conversations with (both pleasant and non-pleasant) in the past. He was a friend to her, but he was still Harry’s manager, and he needed to take some decisions from time to time that she didn’t like.

He wore a facemask that covered half of his face, and to disguise himself, he wore a Kia Forum Staff vest, just like the people around the place who worked at the arena. Obviously, he wasn’t dumb enough to come out to the hallways of the Kia Forum with nothing hiding who he truly was, since he knew he’d be surrounded by fans who would recognize him.

“Y/N?” He asked lowly, trying not to raise suspicion or catch fans’ attention. 

“Hey Jeff,” Y/N exclaimed, using a low voice too, putting on a forced smile on her lips. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy to see him, she used to get along really well with him, but the circumstances were the ones that she didn’t like much. “How you’ve been?”

She knew that there was no escaping now; she’ll face her ex-boyfriend after one of his concerts.

Great.

“I’ve been doing really well, thank you,” Jeff replied and pulled her in for a friendly hug, which she reciprocated. He hadn’t seen her in quite a while, the last time had been almost a year ago when Harry and Y/N had broken up. “How about you?” 

She could see the concern in his brown eyes, knowing that his question didn’t mean just how she had been feeling lately, but how has she been ever since the breakup. 

“Doing much better now.” She replies honestly, making him nod. “What about you? How is everyone?”

Jeff smiled, and even though she couldn’t see his lips, she could see the way his face changed behind the face mask, “Glenne and I have been great, now almost two years since we got married, time flies.”

Glenne was Jeff’s wife, and Y/N loved the woman. The four of them would hang out from time to time, and even though there was a slight age difference between the two women, they got along really well.

“It truly does, I still remember those few days before your wedding when both Glenne and you couldn’t stop rambling about your special day.” As Y/N said those words, she couldn’t help but feel a bittersweet sensation. 

She had attended Jeff and Glenn's wedding back on January 2021 and she had been Harry’s official partner to it, yet it was almost like she hadn’t been. Instead of standing by his boyfriend’s side during the ceremony and holding hands with him, she had been on the opposite side of the place, standing alone as Harry held hands with Olivia.

When the ceremony had ended and everyone moved to the party, her boyfriend finally spent the rest of the night with her. Since it had been in a private location, there were no more public appearances that needed to be done, and Olivia had finally gone home. 

It was until the party then that Harry was by her side all the time, dancing and singing, constantly telling her how much he loved her. 

Y/N had enjoyed that night so much, yet at the same time, she hadn’t.

“Yeah, I remember.” Jeff chuckled, and after a few seconds of comfortable silence, he glanced towards a door a few meters away that said ‘Staff Only’, where two guards were standing, checking that nobody tried to sneak in backstage. “He told me to look for you to get you backstage…”

She felt her nerves increase, knowing that it was all getting very real now. “I know.” 

“If you don’t want to meet him, I’ll tell him that I didn’t find you.” He gave her a way to back out of this, knowing that the ex-couple hadn’t seen each other in a very long time, and the last time they had, it had been filled with pure heartbreak and tears. “I’m still your friend.”

She let out a deep breath, weighing down her options. 

And as she did, she felt a hand squeeze her arm lightly, making her remember that she wasn’t alone. Talking to Jeff had filled her mind with memories of the countless days they had spent joking around on tour. 

Y/N turned to look at the two worried and confused faces of Maia and Natalie, slightly turning her back to Jeff.

“You okay?” Maia mouthed to her, not wanting to cause a scene if her friend didn’t actually know this man or wanted to converse with him. 

She nodded, “Yeah, he’s a good old friend.” Y/N gave them a reassuring smile.

Natalie quickly glanced at him above Y/N’s shoulder, and smiled playfully, “If he has access to backstage, tell him to get us Harry’s autograph, and we’ll pay him!” She jokingly (which wasn’t much of a joke) whispered to her.

Y/N stayed silent for a few seconds, knowing that there was a small, deep part of her that would hate herself if she let this opportunity pass. Even though she was scared to talk to him, to see him again after everything, she knew that she’d regret not doing it.

Besides, her close friends deserved the truth about her so-called ex. 

“Yeah, about that…” Y/N turned to look at Jeff, and gave him a quick nod, telling him in a simple gesture her final answer, before turning to look at her two friends. “You’re about to meet him.”

sorry it took so long! but finally, here is pt2 to 'begin again' :)

taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @one-sweet-gubler @jjsgirlp4l @lovingmesstuff @gem1712 @tinyhrry @kipperthedog2004 @behindmygreyeyes @theekyliepage @winterrays @drunk-teens-doing-drugs @itsjustsel @a-strange-familiar @grapejuice-rry @tranquility-moon @tpwksummer @awkwardbisexuall @ameerakane20 @harryspirate 

[austinswh0re]

Confidential.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Wife!reader

Warnings: Smut!!! so please if you’re not into that do not continue reading!, fluff, Angry Chris?

This is my first time posting any sort of writing on here so please don’t come for me💀 I’m hoping this comes out as well as it is in my head lmao. Enjoy! Also! i’m aware Endgame did not come out in 2021, im switching up the timeline a little bit lol

Y/n gets ask a question she had been preparing to answer, but when it gets asked she doesn’t know how to feel about it. Chris keeps in everything he wants to say until later that night.

(The gif is making me scream)

…………………………………………

Press conferences. I always had a love hate relationship with them. I loved answering questions and being with all my friends at once but what i didn’t enjoy so much were the extremely personal questions. Such as mine and Chris’ private life.

Chris and I got engaged late 2020, we planned our wedding for July 2021, we wanted a summer wedding, getting engaged in December didn’t really give us much time to plan, but one thing we knew for sure was that we would not wait a whole year before we were married. It was a small wedding, we got married on the beach with all our closest friends and family. We went on our dream honeymoon to Hawaii, and once we came home it was time for a premier.

Filming Endgame was definitely filled with tons of emotion. It was mine a his last Marvel movie together and everyone was aware of this. After we had filmed the last scene tears were shed from almost the entire cast and crew. We still had the premiere, which I will forever be grateful for. We hadn’t posted that we had gotten married on any social media platform, well up until the night I posted a photo of us and my username had changed. I didn’t think much of it considering us being engaged was very much public, but many people were still shocked by the name change.

y/nEvans

“your favorite couple has arrived:) So extremely proud of this guy right here, I love you infinitely.”

1,234,536 likes

ChrisEvans: Thank you honey, I love you more than you know❤️

robertdowneyjr: Love these two!!

tomholland2013: I think you guys come in a close second to me and z

Y/nEvans: replying to tomholland2013: yeah yeah

user1256: sobbing. her username is y/nEvans.

user1437: Shut up. I cant do this rn. im so happy for them🥹

^^^^^^ the post in question*

We also had the press conference which gave me a few extra days with the people i love the most. We both knew the risk of having personal questions asked was high but that didn’t make it any less jarring.

Upon our arrival to the hotel we had been informed that we only had one bed in our room, which considering we were married wasn’t an issue. Although everyone else wasn’t to happy about this.

“Chris, can you come here please?” I called out from the bathroom slightly out of breath from struggling to zip my dress. “What’s up?” he said as he made his way through the door. “Could you please help me zip this dress, i can only get it halfway” “yeah of course baby”

He slipped behind me and slowly began zipping up the dress. Once he had finally zipped it all the way up he slid his hands around my hips and kissed the exposed skin on my shoulder and neck. “Chris we don’t have ti-“ “shh, I know, just trying to make a mental note of what’s happening when we get back” as if I hadn’t been turned on enough by the way his hands were roaming my body, the heat pooling in my underwear just grew more and more as he stood behind me and stared at us in the mirror.

Once we finally broke apart from each other and left the room, we made our way out to the limousine where many of our friends were sat waiting for us. “took you two long enough” Robert said as Chris climed and shut the door behind him. small talk was made amongst the group during the short ride to the event. The dress I was wearing was beautiful, and matched the green felt pants Chris had on

I had went for a felt dress as well, just so the colors would be a closer match.

Halfway there, Chris tapped on my thigh and pointed towards my phone. When i picked it up, I saw multiple messages from Chris all displaying the plans he had made for later that night.

“The way your body looks in that dress is making it hard for me to not take you right here in this car”

“you’re in for it when we get back, I can’t wait to taste you, hear those sweet noises you always make for me”

My eyes widened as I quickly turn the brightness down hoping no one was nosey enough to read the text. I shoot Chris a glare, one that says “seriously?” and he responds with his  signature smirk.

Finally, after what had felt like forever, we arrived to the conference, the second we stepped out of the car Chris grabbed my hand and gave it a light squeeze, reassuring me it’s okay. This wasn’t my first, but I still have quite a bit of nerves every time. We make our way into the building after tons of pictures and quick “i love you” glances to one another. We both took our seats, which luckily were right beside each other. Eventually the question began and the small pool of anxiety grew.

“This next one is for y/n, we heard you two got married, congratulations!” I slightly adjusted in my chair and crossed my legs towards Chris before replying “yes, we did, thank you!” “Of course, now this may be some what personal-“ great. I glanced at Chris and could tell he was focused on the person asking and he didn’t look to happy about it. “So many people have been wondering, how is he in bed? We’re sure he’s fantastic but we want to hear it from the one who gets to experience it.” There it was. The dreaded question of how he was in bed. Although he was fantastic and you thoroughly enjoyed sex with Chris, it wasn’t something you cared to share with the public.

“well, listen I don’t want to come off as rude by saying this but i’m not sure that’s really any of yours, or anyone else’s business besides ours.” Chris was furious, his eyes had slightly darkened and his jaw was clenched keeping him from losing his mind. “Can we please move on?” my voice came out slightly smaller than I had wanted but at the moment I felt uncomfortable and upset.

Chris on the other hand was pissed. He hated how uncomfortable the question made you feel and wanted to beat the shit out of the man who asked it. Instead, he looked at you with a sympathetic look and you responded by mouthing “it’s okay”, because you knew if you didn’t, Chris would kill this guy.

Once everyone had asked their questions, and many laughs had been shared, the group made their way back to the hotel. Chris and you were the first people out of the car and after sharing your goodbyes, he grabbed you by the hand and the two of you stormed up to your room. Before a word could be spoken between you and him he had you pinned against the door. His lips were on yours in seconds. The kiss was hot and sloppy, but you didn’t care at all. “Chris” you breathlessly moaned his name out. he responded with a hmm and continued to work his lips against yours.

He pulled away, his lips red, puffy, and stained with your lipstick. “We need to get this thing off if you” was the first words he said, spinning you around and unzipping the dress painfully slow. “Could you go any slower?” you questioned, usually you would be patient, but on this specific night you were extremely horny and needed him more than ever. “If you keep having that attitude i’ll go even slower” once the dress was off of you, Chris picked you up bridal style and dropped you on the bed. “You are the only woman who gets to know how I am in bed, fuck everyone else” he began kissing down your body. He pulled you up slightly, bringing his hands up the clasp of your bra and undoing it. His hands began to grasp and squeeze every part of you that was exposed.

“Chris please” you begged, your tone was needy but you didn’t care. “please what sweetheart?” He teased, “I need you” “what do you need? use your words” he continued to tease you through your underwear. “Fuck Chris just fuck me already” That was all he needed to hear. He quickly undid his belt and dropped him pants and his boxers, exposing his hard dick, already leaking with precum. He pulled down your panties taking in the sight of you. “you’re so beautiful, and all mine” he said as he stroked himself a few times. He parted your legs and began to tease your entrance with his tip. “Chris, I swear if you don’t-“ he leaned down and kissed your lips, hard and rough as he slid into you. both of you moaning into each others mouths. “that’s it, good girl” he grunted as he stared to slowly move in and out of you “Please, faster” you moaned making him fasten his movements. The noises coming from the two of you were all you could hear, and you were sure everyone else on the floor could hear it too. “oh my god Chris” “Oh fuck i’m close baby” He grunted in your ear “you’re taking my cock so well, taking all of me, fuck you’re so tight” That only made you squeeze around him, moaning his name as if it was the only word you knew. “Chris please don’t stop, i’m so close” you moaned “cum for me, come on baby” he said as he slid his hand between the two of you and began rubbing circles on your clit. “This. This is confidential. No one gets to know what I do to you” “oh yeah, that’s it sweet girl, cum for me i know you want to” was all he said and it sent you over the edge. You were a moaning screaming mess as you and him finished at the same time. His body rolling off of yours as you both steady your breathing

“That was , that was amazing” you breathed out turning over to look at him “only the best for you my love. I love you” He said pulling you into him “I love you more” was the last thing you said before the two of you drifted off to sleep.

[bcofl0ve]

new austin butler fan? start here!

hey there girl/pal/buddy/friend! welcome to the crazy train the endearing mad house that is the austin butler fandom. i joined the party after seeing elvis 2022 with my dad on a whim opened my third eye and have adored austin ever since. if you have any questions please please send an anon or send me a message, but i hope this post is useful as well!

media

congrats, i have a hyperfixation on being an update blog which means i have a masterpost of where to stream everything he's ever been in since he's started acting!

my personal favorite thus far is shocking no one, elvis 2022, but i'm really excited for everything coming out in 2024!

interviews

if you want to get to know austin the person outside of being an actor, i highly recommend checking out his episode of the marc maron podcast. content warning for talk about losing a parent- austin's mom who passed when he was 23 from cancer, and some allusions to domestic violence re: a step father. but that to say it's imo the most personal interview austin has ever given (and it makes me cry when i listen to it). i linked to apple podcasts but it's also on spotify!

austin's first ever interview from when he was 16 years old (article)

long- and personal, interview/profile via esquire from 2024 (article)

ruthie’s table interview - 2021 podcast with his good friend, chef ruthie rogers. some very sweet childhood talk in here.

austin butler drives greg williams back home (austin going back to his home town and visting his childhood home and elementary school)

austin butler plays with puppies - what the title says

in conversation: baz luhrmann and austin butler (article) - a very funny joint interview where baz and austin talk about filming elvis

austin butler @ the oscar nominees luncheon - the interviewer is jason kennedy, a long time buddy of austin's who also knew his mom. this was my favorite interview of awards season.

austin giving his publcist kate an honorary oscar - also from the oscar nominees lucheon press junket, so sweet! we love his ginger publicist around here (:

austin and lisa marie presley joint interview - lisa adored austin, and he mentioned in a different interview during awards season that when he was at graceland she took him upstairs for *3 hours*. if you're unfamiliar with the presleys, that is point blank unheard of for someone that isn't a blood relative. lisa passed away in january 2023 just two days after watching austin win his golden globe, and is very very missed. (lisa and austin at the globes)

another little lisa and austin interview, my personal favorite because of the hug!

so who's the girl?

austin is currently dating kaia gerber and has been since december of 2021! i'm working on a masterpost timeline of their relationship which will likely take...a while. but in the meantime the basics are that they like to make out in public while also being quite the private couple.

here is a very cute little video of the two of them after the elvis premiere at cannes and my favorite deuxmoi sunday spotting of all time- someone saying they were making out *in face masks* in line at erewhon.

like i said, they are veryyy private but that means the little tidbits we get are a treat! austin 'gushed' about seeing her walk in a celine show here, and here's a little clip of his smiley little self in the front row.

the two share a dog milo, who is the shining baby boy light of ausitn's life and came up no short of two billion times when austin was doing press for his ysl campaign this past summer. we love milo!

(and i also love that austin wears his gf's clothes sometimes, king!)

misc fun stuff

austin is close friends with ashley tisdale, and has been since the two of them met filming the movie aliens in the attic in new zealand in 2008. he's 'uncle austin' to her little girl jupiter, and they're also distant cousins!

speaking of aliens in the attic, 300 years ago in 2008 austin ran a little blog for his fans throughout filming which is just the darn sweetest most endearing thing to me. you can read the entries that i pulled from the wayback machine here and here.

some other austin-isms that i love

his habit of wearing shirts inside out

how everyone that works with him gushes about how kind he is

this little video of him when he was four years old

his dear sweet publicist kate having to hand hold his golden retriever self on track

the 27 he has tattooed on his wrist bc it was his late mom’s god number

and so many other things that would take me too long to list

if you have any questions that this post doesn't answer pls slide me an anon or a direct message! happy to have you here! <3

[mirrorballhughes]

i miss you im sorry: luke hughes x adelaide hunter

hii i will be starting to write the actual fic soon! this is just gonna be a small portion of the fic on ade and luke going to UMich and meeting the hockey team :)

spring of 2021

the couple was at the hughes household with their college acceptance letters in hand. luke and adelaide were sitting at the table holding hands. adelaide was nervous, she gets good grades so she has nothing to worry about, but shes just scared of lukes reaction. the girls dream was to go to academy of arts university, that was allll way in new york. but she had some thoughts and over thought a bunch. quinn had helped ade with her decision.

fall of 2020 flashback

“academy of arts university is perfect for me q. but at the same time i think i would hate it. i just don’t think i could be away from luke.” the girl admitted, knowing quinn understands where she is coming from. the teenagers were always attached to the hip, unless they were both doing their own things. “adelaide thats totally understandable. you gotta go with your gut though. but to not be bias or anything i think you would fit in at UMich though.” quinn smiled, causing the brunette to shake her head. “they also have an arts program. a good fit for you.” ade smiled at the older boy, taking his thought into consideration, already having Umich right underneath AOAU. “thanks q. i appreciate it.” the girl hugged the boy as he rubbed circles on her back.

back to spring of 2021

“on three?” luke smiled looking at his girlfriend, then down at his letter. hughes & hunter family both counted down, “three!” the couple rushed into the envelopes going as quickly as possible. pulling the piece of paper out, reading their letters. “i got in!” they couple stood up looking at each other excitedly. “im going to UMich!” they both said at the same time, adelaide shot quinn a smile then brought her attention to luke, who didn’t comprehend what the brunette had said till it finally hit him.

“wait el, your also going to UMich? what about AOAU?” the boy questioned looking at his girlfriend. “new york is pretty far. also i feel like i wouldn’t like it. andd if i wear anything devils related i might get jumped.” she joked, causing everyone in the room to laugh, jack shaking his head at the younger girl. “i looked into it. they have a pretty awesome arts program. they were also interested in me because i used to be a field hockey player.” the girl said, causing luke to smile at el, pulling her in for a hug. “i'm excited ill be able to see you more! that means movie nights in dorms!” ade smiled, pulling her boyfriend in for a kiss on the lips, pulling away quickly as they were in front of family.

“well congratulations to you both! UMich will be honored to have you both!!” ellen pulled the couple in for a hug. they went around giving everyone a hug, ade whispered a quick thank you to quinn. “now whos hungry?”

august of 2021

summer came by fast and here the couple was now standing in the UMich campus going to find ades dorm first. the couple had found her dorm, walking in seeing her roommate wasn’t here yet. “okay let's get unpacking!” the girl cheered, looking at her boyfriend then to their fathers. quinn, jack and their moms were still at the car grabbing more of the girls' things. luke set down some boxes that he was carrying then started helping the girl set her side of the room up. they finished unpacking everything, their mothers did the last finishing touches and told them to go find lukes dorm.

adelaide found the curly haired boys dorm, “it’s down here!” she shouted waving her arms to get the group’s attention. their dorms weren’t that far from each others, lukes was on the same side as adelaide’s but in a different hallway. once the group caught up, adelaide opened the door and let luke walk in first. she followed behind him, seeing his roommate was unpacking as well. “oh hey! you must be luke, im dylan” the other brunette spoke, reaching his hand out for luke to shake it. “its nice to meet you. this is adelaide, my girlfriend.” luke pointed at the girl who waved. “its nice to meet you adelaide.” “its nice to meet you too dylan!” the pair smiled at each other then adelaide started moving lukes stuff in with the help of his brothers.

few weeks later

the couple was definitely enjoying UMich alot. they both met a ton of people and they were as happy as ever. luke wanted adelaide to come meet the hockey team, she was a bit nervous but not really. luke had met the girl at her dorm then headed to diner where the rest of the team was at. “don't be nervous love. they will love you.” luke grabbed the girls hand, noticing her shaking a little. he rubbed circles on the top of her hand to sooth her anxiety. “you got nothing to worry about. i'm here.” the girl smiled, kissing the boy's cheek as they headed down to the boy's car.

about 15 minutes later the couple was now at the diner. luke got out of the car, quickly making his way over to els side, opening the door for her as he took her hand. “if you wanna leave just squeeze my hand twice and we will go.” the boy kissed her forehead as she nodded, then they walked inside. “luke! over here!” a voice spoke causing adelaide to look up seeing a bunch of waving hands. luke smiled at his teammates then to the girl walking over there. “hey guys! this is adelaide.” the blonde smiled looking at the guys, there was about 4 people here. luke said there was 29 people on the team, counting him so the rest did not show. also by the looks of it, they are all freshmen and their faces look familiar ish.

“okay so el, this is ethan, mark, mackie and you already know duker.” she smiled at the four boys, “hi it’s nice to meet you guys. i have seen you guys around i think.” ethan smirked at the girl then to mark whose face was beat red. “what's up with estapa?” luke asked as the boy was usually hyper and talking. “well you see luke, mark was telling me about his hallway crush as he usually does right? he said she was wearing a devil's hoodie. so connecting the dots here, marks hallway crush is on your girlfriend.” mark glared at ethan, “dude!” the rest of the boys laughed, adelaide’s face got a slight tint of pink as she laughed along with them. the group got quiet realizing luke wasn’t laughing instead he was shooting daggers at mark. ethan grabbed luke and pulled him aside. “i can see the smoke exploding out of your ears right now hughesy. its just a hallway crush! nothing is gonna happen. look at the way she looks at you. she's madly in love with you.” the brunette boy reassured him as they made their way back over.

“you okay? it’s just a hallway crush. we all have them. i remember you had the biggest one on-“ adelaide stopped talking as she realized luke covered her mouth with his hand. “okay that's enough. let's eat i'm hungry.” he gently pushed his girlfriend into the booth sitting beside her. as the other 4 settled in with them, 3 on the other side and one more joining the couple. lukes hand rested on the girls thigh, watching her talk to his friends smiling to himself. luke was happy to see his friends and girlfriend get along so well. it just warmed his heart seeing his girlfriend smiling and laughing.

random facts

adelaide becomes close with mark but she only sees him as a friend and so does he. that sparkle in her eye is literally only a luke thing. but the pair just got along so well once mark stopped being embarrassed about having a hallway crush on his friend's girlfriend.

addie is also close with duker, giving the fact luke goes on mini rants about the girl in a positive manner so he knows pretty much everything about her because of the hughes brother. the pair also does tend to hangout a lot when the girl is waiting for her boyfriend to come back to his dorm after classes. out of all of luke's friends duker definitely knows her the best.

addies roommate, storm they clicked instantly. they got along so well when storm saw adelaide was wearing a devils hoodie, which made storm laugh as she was a canes fan. the pair would always sit down and watch their teams games together and always enjoyed when they played against each other. storm could basically tell you everything about luke as well. she could listen to adelaide talk about him for hours because she knew that was pure genuine love. storm was an absolute blessing of a roommate and friend. the two girls just got along so well.

storm and duker being friends only because of their roommates, they usually go on debriefing starbucks talks about the couple. the debriefing starbucks runs were only when the pair was fighting, meaning they would try to get to the bottom of the whole thing seeing who was right, who was wrong, and how to fix it. they were the ones who basically got the couple back together, they came up with this whole mastermind plan.

as adelaide was going to umich with the arts program, she was taking a bunch of classes for photography. she needed a subject to shoot so she decided to use her boyfriend as one. so during their morning practices the blonde would take some action shots of her boyfriend. as she was taking pictures of luke, some of the others caught her eye so she took pictures of them as well. she handed in the pictures to get graded on, as that was happening luke had talked to the coach to see if el could be on the ice hockey's media team.

the coach needed to see the pictures to make his decision. once she got the grade A photos back let the coach take a look at them. he approved it and then made el the media girl. she would take pictures of the team and do all the video work for any social media. sometimes she would also get to post on the ice hockeys socials at times. this made el feel closer with luke. she already knew tons about hockey before but this just opened something more inside her. she also felt this helped her get closer with his teammates, and luke really adored that.

if you guys want any extras like, certain scenarios (ex. how both of the couple are when they are jealous, how adelaide’s relationship is with quinn and jack, what songs are about luke and why, the couples reaction when luke got drafted, them at parties, hiw they got together, angst of any kind. anything like that!) but i hope you guys are enjoying this!! im having fun writting this :)

[liightsout]

the blue - part one

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

✯ summary: introducting mattie and adam!! both have some news to share, one being better than the other. no danny ric content in this one, but it's coming, i promise! ✯

✯ pairing: daniel ricciardo x fem!oc

✯ content warnings: none rlly, light swearing ✯

✯ now playing: you're on your own kid - taylor swift ✯

✯ series masterlist ✯

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

May 2020 

“Mattie, are you even listening to me?” 

Looking up from her phone at her friend she frowned. She hadn’t been listening. Not even a little. It wasn’t that she wasn’t interested in what her friend had been saying, it was just that she had a lot on her mind.

She sighed softly “I wasn’t Adam, I’m sorry, what were you saying? Something about a new driver on the team?” 

Matilda and Adam had been friends since childhood, the pair had met on the first day of junior school. She had just moved to the small town over the summer and was starting school a complete stranger amongst all her peers.

Her mum had reassured her she’d make friends quickly, but she wasn’t so sure. Looking around the playground she could see that almost everyone already knew one another. She spent the first few hours of school that day on her own, carefully shying away from drawing too much attention to herself. 

Then came lunch break. She remembers it like it was yesterday, Adam came bounding over to her, scruffy uniform and beaming smile with a few teeth missing. He asked her if she wanted to play race cars with him. She explained nervously that she didn’t know anything about racing and he should probably ask someone else. Adam had scoffed at the idea and said that he didn’t want to play with the other kids.

Adam spent the rest of the hour lunch break explaining everything he knew about racing and telling her about his favourite driver ‘Michael Shooomacker’ and the red car he drove. 

Their friendship had lasted throughout their schooling days, all their awkward teenage phases and early adult years. It was a no brainer for the both of them to decide to move in with each other when they both found themselves in need of a home.

Rent in and around London was expensive, and there was no one on Earth either of them would rather live with. Which had proven to be a blessing when 2020 had rolled around and Covid had hit. The pair of them agreed that they would have lost their minds had they spent so many days locked inside with anyone else but each other. 

Adam had gone to University when they turned 18 and earned a degree in Mechanical Engineering, hoping to further his dream of being an engineer for one of the top Formula 1 teams when he was older. It wasn’t long before he had achieved said dream and found himself a spot on the engineering team at Mclaren.

“At least you’re honest! I said I got a call this morning from my boss,he confirmed the driver that’s going to be replacing Carlos next year. It’s Daniel Ricciardo” explained Adam, with a beaming smile.

Mattie paused trying to put a name to a face. “Which one is he?” Adam laughed “as if you don’t remember! He’s the Aussie you think is fit, the one who used to drive for Red Bull.” 

“I thought that was Mark Webber?” the girl questioned, pulling out her phone getting ready to Google the new driver her friend would be working with for the next season. Adam’s laugh got even louder “close, but not quite” he said. 

Mattie rolled her eyes and continued her Google image search. Yep, she remembered who Daniel Ricciardo was now. Adam was right; she did think he was fit. More than that, she thought he was one of the most beautiful men she had ever seen.

She looked up from her phone to the knowing eyes of her best friend “yeah I remember who he is, but anyway, irrelevant, is this a good thing for you? Are you happy?”.

Adam nodded enthusiastically “oh definitely, he’s one of my favourite drivers, getting to work with him is huge. I reckon him and Lando will be a great pairing as well, roll on 2021 as far as I’m concerned”. 

Adam had always been obsessed with Formula 1. Even from the age of 10 he had been so sure that it was the career path for him. He had spent countless hours as a teenager working in his dad’s garage and learning everything he could about cars, engines and the mechanics behind them.

This was something Mattie had always been jealous of. Not that she had also wanted to be a mechanic, definitely not that. She had been jealous of his ability to decide exactly what it was that he had wanted to do with his life, seemingly from the minute he had learnt what Formula 1 was. 

Mattie did not have the same luxury. Growing up she had toyed with many ideas about what life would have in store for her, but none that ever had really seemed to fit.

When she was 13 she had wanted to be a famous pop singer; the dream was soon crushed when a music teacher told her she could barely hold a note.

Then came fashion. She had spent a whole summer reading through every copy of Vogue she could get her hands on. Drawing up rough designs of different clothes and garments she would try and craft herself. This dream ended with a high school textiles teacher telling her that she was terrible at stitching and would never pass the class.

The list was endless, dream after dream quietly crushed by being told she would never be quite good enough. 

For a while she thought that maybe she had set her expectations too high. She wanted too much, dreamt too big. She wanted extraordinary, but needed to settle for ordinary. 

Until she had realised at the age of 17 that it had been staring her in the face her whole life. From the moment Mattie had learnt to read she had her nose in a book. She had become infatuated with literature and everything about it.

She loved that no matter what was going on around her, she could always find solace in a good book for a few hours. She loved reading about different characters who could live every life she had ever dreamt for herself. It was at the age of 17 that she decided she would study English Literature at University. 

She quickly found a job after leaving University, working for a small independent publisher. She loved her job and although she was disappointed she would never be a famous pop star, at the age of 24 she knew that it was probably for the best. 

“Well, I’m happy that you’re happy and hopefully this will be a good thing for Mclaren as well. It’d be nice to see you guys moving up in the constructors championships!” Mattie smiled at her friend who was practically buzzing with excitement at the prospect. 

“Enough about me, we’ve been talking about me all afternoon. Did you find out from your boss anymore about your job?” Mattie sighed, admittedly she had been avoiding the subject, but such was Adam that he would bring it up eventually.

She had received a call from her boss around a week ago explaining to her that due to the financial pressures Covid had placed upon the small company she worked for, that it was likely they would be liquidating the business before the month was up.

Mattie had been blissfully ignoring the issue, escaping to the dreamland in her head where everything was fine and her employment wasn’t in jeopardy. That dreamland had come crashing down around an hour prior when she had gotten an email from the CEO explaining that they were all being let go effective immediately. 

“Yeah, so, Glenn sent an email about an hour ago confirming it… bit shitty of him to do it over email, but yeah, I’m unemployed” breathing deeply Mattie held back the tears she knew were threatening to escape from her eyes.

“Oh fuck, Mattie, I’m so sorry, I can’t believe you’ve just let me sit here and tell you about all this when you’ve got this bottled inside you, why didn’t you say anything sooner? Are you ok? Do you want a hug? Or is this one of those times where if I hug you it’ll make it worse and you’ll start ugly crying? Do you want me to beat up Glenn? I’ll do it-” 

“Adam stop. I’m fine. Honestly, it sucks, and yeah I’m upset but we knew it was coming. It’s fine, I’ve got some money saved up so I’ll be alright for a little bit and I’ll start sending out CV’s to some companies and I’ve got connections now. I’ll find something, it’s just, yeah, it’s just shit” Mattie said, cutting off Adam from his rambling.

Adam was great, she knew that no matter what she could rely on him to have her back, but he did have a tendency to panic when he thought that his friend was sad.

That’s just how he was, over protective and ready to punch her boss in the face if she asked him to. 

Adam nodded, checking for signs of tears on the girls cheeks. Once he was satisfied she wasn’t going to start crying he stood up and headed for the fridge, opening the door and pulling out a bottle of rose wine he knew Mattie kept there for emergencies.

“Well, in that case, I’ll order us a pizza and what do you say we get drunk and watch a movie? I’ll even let you watch Tangled seeing as I’m such a good best friend”. Mattie grinned looking at him from the sofa. She was so glad he decided to play racing cars with her when they were kids.

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

✯ authors note: hey guys! it's been a bit of a crazy couple days... as a a ferrari gal i'm still a little bit in shock and processing the news tbh. anyways, i've got like 6 days off work so i'm hoping i'll be able to post a couple updates if anyone's interested and reading. still finding my feet a bit with writing/editing again so if anyone has any (helpful) suggestions or feedback pls let me know. asks are always open and would love to chat with some of you :) ✯

[black-arcana]

Watch: A Bat Lands On THE PRETTY RECKLESS Singer TAYLOR MOMSEN's Leg During Concert In Spain

According to Metal Journal, a bat landed on the left leg of THE PRETTY RECKLESS singer Taylor Momsen during her band's May 29 performance at Estadio La Cartuja in Seville, Spain as the support act for AC/DC.

After playing the fifth song of THE PRETTY RECKLESS's set, "Witches Burn", Taylor addressed the crowd, saying: "You guys are pointing at something, and I wanna know what you're saying." She then looked down at her leg and noticed the bat, after which she return to the microphone and exclaimed: "There's a fucking flying bat on my leg right now. Can someone help me, please? I must really be a witch."

A stage quickly hang came over a removed the bat, prompting Taylor to say: "Gracias. It's all right. And the bat's fine. He's gonna be my new friend," before adding, "Holy fuck."

Guitarist Ben Phillips then told the crowd: "Well, that hasn't happened before." Momsen went on to say: "I'm telling you. I'm a fucking witch. I attract the bats. Someone, bring out a black cat. It's gonna be great."

Phillips said to the audience, "Gracias for pointing it out," before Momsen added: "I thought you were pointing at my SOUNDGARDEN bracelet. And I was, like, 'Oh. Fucking they like SOUNDGARDEN. Awesome."

During an appearance on the May 6 episode of SiriusXM's "Trunk Nation With Eddie Trunk", Taylor was asked about the progress of the songwriting and recording sessions for THE PRETTY RECKLESS's fifth album. She said: "I don't have [release] dates for you, but we booked — we've locked up the studio for eight months. It takes us a while to make a record. But it was going amazingly [before we paused the sessions in order to hit the road]. Hopefully when we pick back up in September, it'll be the same kind of flow and everything will just jell. But a lot of it's written. I'm sure that more will be written when these experiences happen and then new songs [arise] out of them. So I'm sure that there'll be some more songs coming. But I don't have dates. But it was going great, and we had just started; we really haven't started at all, but there's written stuff. So that's a start, I guess. But as far as recording, we hadn't really gotten into it yet."

This past January, THE PRETTY RECKLESS shared a photo of Taylor in the studio with Jonathan Wyman, who co-produced THE PRETTY RECKLESS's latest album, 2021's "Death By Rock And Roll", apparently confirming that Wyman has re-teamed with the group for the upcoming LP.

In a May 2023 interview with Ronni Hunter of the 99.7 The Blitz radio station, Momsen revealed that she and her THE PRETTY RECKLESS bandmates had commenced work on the follow-up to "Death By Rock And Roll".

"We're in a great headspace," she said. "We're just having fun with it, and wrapping up the tour cycle of 'Death By Rock And Roll'. And then new record — and it's next chapter. We've already kind of started it… We've gotten into a studio; we've stepped foot into a studio. So that's saying something for us."

THE PRETTY RECKLESS is supporting AC/DC on the legendary hard rock band's spring/summer 2024 European tour. Momsen and her bandmates also opened for THE ROLLING STONES on May 11 at the Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas, Nevada.

In November 2022, THE PRETTY RECKLESS released a new collection of music, "Other Worlds", via Fearless Records. The effort saw the group delivering its first proper acoustic recordings, unexpected covers and other reimaginings.

"Death By Rock And Roll" was made available in February 2021 via Fearless Records in the U.S. and Century Media Records in the rest of the world.

Upon release, "Death By Rock And Roll" topped multiple sales charts — including Billboard's Top Albums, Rock, Hard Music, and Digital charts. The record also yielded three back-to-back No. 1 singles — "Death By Rock And Roll", "And So It Went" (featuring Tom Morello of RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE) and "Only Love Can Save Me Now" (featuring Kim Thayil and Matt Cameron of SOUNDGARDEN). The band has tallied seven No. 1 singles at the rock format throughout its career.

"Death By Rock And Roll" was THE PRETTY RECKLESS's first album to be made without longtime producer Kato Khandwala, who died in April 2018 from injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident.

THE PRETTY RECKLESS formed in 2009 and consists of Momsen, Phillips, bassist Mark Damon and drummer Jamie Perkins.

In 2021, Momsen — who rose to fame portraying the character of edgy little sister Jenny Humphrey on The CW's "Gossip Girl" — described "Death By Rock And Roll" in an interview with ABC Audio as a "battle cry for life and for hope."

"I think that that's something that we can all use a little bit more of, especially right now," she said. "We could always use a little more hope, and we could always use a little more rock and roll."

[equallyshaw]

star crossed loves au | connor bedard x kailey hughes au ↳ not for the faint of heart. ↳ august, 2021. ↳ masterlist.

warnings: swearing, talks of depression and jack being an ass. also, there is an attempt mentioned + self harm & eating disorder. word count: 2.9k

after the panic attack in kaileys washroom that afternoon, ellen had begun to notice more and more the subtle changes in her daughter's moods and behavior. she saw the lucky go, girl who was always up for anything and everything, begin to become a recluse, quiet and very calculated girl. she saw the light in her daughter's eyes diminish and she didn't know where it all had begun. she grew worried as luke was getting ready to head off to michigan for his freshman year, while she stayed back to complete her senior year.

what was she going to do without her irish and best friend no longer in the house? :

she knew it was the final straw when kailey had declined to hang out with luke before he left, and to forgoe their 'twin day' they liked to call it which they had been doing since b before they moved to michigan where it was just the two of them, with one final day before school started up again. she watched as kailey told him no and then proceeded to head upstairs to nap, which was something she'd been doing a lot of lately. she saw the solemn and defeated look of form on her youngest son's face, and her heart absolutely broke watching him look down at the two tickets he had gotten for a festival in downtown ann arbor. he left the two tickets and headed into he garage, to take a drive. that evening as her and her husband began to get ready for bed, she told him of everything she'd been seeing with their daughter and how she had said no to luke today. to which, luke was shocked with the latter. everybody in their family knew that they gave themselves one day a year to boast in the final summer break hours with each other, and to say no was huge.

"i- i think we failed her jim. i really do. she shouldn't be feeling the way she feels in this house and this town. did we make the wrong decision moving here for jack? do you think we should of stayed in toronto and let jack head off like we had quinn do?" ellen rambled as jim pulled her into his arms. he kissed the top of her head, "she quit her sports too. i should have noticed it last year when she didn't sign up for try outs. when she lied to us and said she just didn't make it. or when she yelled at jack when they both came back from training camps...i should have known. i should have been a better mother." ellen sobbed as jim continued to comfort her. "you're not a bad mother, we are not horrible parents ellen. i promise you. the best thing we can do is be there for her, get her help and continue to show up for her - now more than ever." he said and ellen nodded, wiping her tears. "as for the move, i think about it too. i think about the 'what ifs' and if we made the right decision, and some days i do regret it but we can't go back, we can only move forward hun. we will get through this, kailey will get through this." he said a bit stoically, taking the weight and pressure off of his wife. ellen nodded taking one last look at jim, before the two of them fell asleep.

_

a week later, ellen drove kailey to a therapist out in detroit. she called the school the following day, inquiring if her guidance counselor could talk to her daughter once the first day rolled around, and after that conversation, her guidance counselor referred her to a social worker in detroit for her to go to therapy. kailey was confused more than anything, as to where all of this had come from, but took it with great strides. she could finally breathe for once, because somebody had finally noticed. ellen called quinn that same afternoon to let her know kailey would be going to therapy and hoped quinn could check in with kailey in a week and quinn was shocked, but was relieved that she'd have somebody to talk to and have a safe place to do so. ellen also told him some of what the guidance counselor had said, in particular, the part about jack. which made quinn beyond pissed off, and went into big brother mode.

as soon as the two got off the call, he facetimed his brother. jack's egotistical smile graced the phone screen and then fell, once he saw quinns face. "is everything ok?" he asked and quinn shook his head, "no." he stated. "you are an ass jack, a fucking ass." he began but was cut off by jack, "what the hell man? what did i do now?" jack fought back. quinn made a tsk noise, "what haven't you done. you've treated our baby sister nothing more than a roommate since you guys moved to michigan. you fucking told your teammates or friends, that she was nothing more than a roommate. what the hell jack? you're supposed to protect her and build her up, not tear her down and bully her. do you know where she's headed now because of what you and others say to her? yknow she's bullied at school, right? oh wait no, you don't because nobody told you anything about her life. kailey made sure of that. always having luke to promise he wont say anything, but he's seen it all. he see's how people treat her at school and he has seen how you've treated her as well. yknow she quit lacrosse and soccer because her mental health got so bad last year? she lied to mom and dad and said she didn't make it, but she didn't even go to the fucking try out. instead, she drove new buffalo across the god damn state. because you were at home, she drove three hours to get away from you man! three. fucking. hours." quinn paused taking a deep breathe, "she's headed to therapy jack, because of how immature you are. what do you have against her, huh? what does she have, that you don't? why did you do and say all that you did, man?" quinn questioned as jack took in all of the information.

jack felt tears spring to his eyes as he digested it all, and he swallowed harshly. "its stupid." he mumbled and quinn rolled his eyes. "speak up man." quinn demanded.

"its dumb!" jack said louder now and quinn gave him a deadpanned look, "it cant be that stupid if it's given her years of torment." quinn said irritably. "have you ever thought of life if we hadn't gotten into hockey?" jack questioned and quinn's eyebrows furrowed, "have you ever thought of how life would have played out? the freedom we'd have or the ability to plan our own future?" he added. quinn sighed, as he continued to listen. "its stupid because when we moved to michigan, i was hurting. i didn't or couldn't understand why. i didn't understand when i was supposedly living out my dream of playing for team usa, and dedicating my life and time to the sport that we love. i think apart of me hated that we had to move, or that i did. mom and dad didn't listen to me when i said i'd move there by myself, but then they said that luke has a shot of getting into the program too so it would be easier to move everybody. but they didn't listen to when i asked about kailey, and how she'd adjust. i was hurting because i felt like a burden, because of the way kailey reacted to the move. she began to cry, she began to yell at mom and dad about how they were ruining their lives, and then she began to scream at me. telling me how selfish i was, and how much of a brat i was because we were moving because of me." jack paused to sniffle and wipe a stray tear.

"i was hurt because she was hurt, and then i took my anger and frustration and sadness out on her. which was wrong of me, i now understand and know. when we got there, i took on the burden of having to prove how beneficial it was for me or us to move. had to be number one in order to prove to kailey that it was the best decision. had to show everybody that i was meant to be there. all the while, she was hurting because of me and i was too narrow-minded-" quinn cut him off, "you were a dummy." and jack nodded in agreement.

"once i started to make sly comments towards her and about, it snowballed and i knew it was too far past redemption or apologies. so i rolled with it. i became the villain in her story, and if i could go back now - i'd do it differently. it was not fair or right of me to treat her that way. mom and dad didn't raise me to be that way, and i let them down. i let all of you down, especially kailey."

_

back to kailey:

she sat down in the aesthetically pleasing therapist's office, as her mom waited outside. she sat down in front of the woman her mom had told her about, and how she would be able to help if they were a good fit.

"so kailey, do you know why your mom brought you here today?" the younger woman questioned and kailey nodded. "because im depressed." she stated as her hands clasped together and began to fidget with them. "how long would you say you've been depressed, kailey?" the social worker questioned softly. the blonde girl swallowed counting in her head, "i would say for six years now." she stated and the social worker nodded. "do you know what triggered it? or anything that might have been the start of it?" they questioned sitting back to let the blonde speak.

kailey nodded, "when we moved from toronto to ann arbor for my brother jacks hockey program. my parent's didn't listen when i said i didn't want to move. i didn't want to uproot my life that had finally calmed down." she began, "once we moved, jack became mean. i mean we didn't always get along growing up but enough to where when he began to taunt me, say mean things to me- it was almost as if it was whiplash. i couldn't believe that he'd do such a thing. at the time, i was also mean. i was mean to my parents because i couldn't accept that they'd made this terrible decision. i was mad because they didn't let jack come to michigan like our older brother quinn did, when he joined the same program. and then luke became even more dedicated to hockey as well. it felt like i was losing my support system and Irish twin, but in reality i wasn't. it just felt like i was losing control on the world i had hated for years. hockey took away my brothers. took away my life and family. everything bad that has happened in my life, is because of it. i can't stand to watch it, i only went for my oldest brother - quinns - pro debut in vancouver and then i haven't been to a game since. i even told my other brother luke who will be at michigan this year, that i wont watch his games. i wish him well and hope he doesn't get hurt, but i know that hurts him. i know it. but i cant allow myself to watch it or even think about it." kailey said before taking a pause to breathe.

the social worker spoke up, "it is not unusual for you to have created boundaries. we do that as a coping mechanism, even if other do not see it as such. we do it so we can protect our hearts, our minds and our psyche. you cutting off hockey is not surprising. its a triggering thing for you, which makes sense given your relationship to jack." they paused to change course a bit, "my next question is...have you used those boundaries to in turn harm yourself in anyway?" they questioned. kailey felt as if the air was knocked out of her, as she felt tears form. she swallowed them down, before taking a breath. kailey nodded, before breaking down. the social worker watched for a few seconds, before moving over to the couch next to the girl. the social worker hesitated before wrapping her arms around the girl, who immediately grasped onto her arms. the social worker rubbed her upper back, trying to comfort the girl.

nobody had ever asked her that before, nobody knew the great lengths she had gone to have some sort of control over her life.

"yes." kailey breathed as anxiety coursed through her. the social worker nodded and continued to hold her for a few more minutes, before kailey calmed down. she wiped her tears and took a few tissues that were on the coffee table before her.

the social worker moved back to the other chair and waited for kailey to speak.

"i didn't realize it at first, but I've known for some time that my eating habits aren't healthy. i used food as a way to have some control in my life, when decisions were being made for me and the way that people treated me at home and at school. i used it because i couldn't control my environment. i haven't self harmed myself in a year, since jack left and people began to leave me alone at school. i took their words out on myself, because i felt like i deserved it for whatever reason. i took the way people viewed me to heart, and knew that that was another way i could harm myself." kailey explained, and the social worker nodded.

"how are your eating patterns now?" she asked kailey and the girl shrugged. "could be better, could be worse." she said before she dived into them, and how they had gotten better over the past year but worsened when jack came home for the offseason. the social worker and her dug deep into that conversation, before the social worker had one more question to ask.

"have you ever had an attempt?" they questioned and kailey sighed, before looking away. she had pushed that moment into the back of her mind for so, so long. she didn't like to think of it because it didn't work, and felt embarrassed about it.

"yeah i uh, i was alone a weekend during my sophomore year. jack had one last tournament with team USA and my parents took my brother luke to canada for it. and because i could drive, i stayed back. and I've uh never told anybody that before." she finished before chugging more of the coffee she had brought. the social worker nodded, "so it was just the once?" they clarified and the girl nodded. "i feel ashamed and embarrassed. but i didn't have anybody to call. i couldn't call q because he was canada working, and then i couldn't call luke because he was also with my parents and my best friend becca was living her life back in toronto. i was all alone, and had nobody." she finished and the social worker nodded. "for starters, i want to thankyou for sharing me all that you did today. it is difficult to come into an unfamiliar space with somebody you don't know, and share your deepest secrets and the one's you hide from the world. it takes courage and strength my dear, and those are things you do not lack." the social worker began and they saw a small smile form on the girls pale features. "and i know things will come up as we meet, but how about we come up with a plan for moving forward, things we will do together and what you'll do on your own?" and kailey nodded.

_

kailey waited in the small waiting room for her mom to come out of the office. the social worker wanted time with her mother to talk about what had been shared and their plan moving forward, with the consent of kailey ofcourse- since she was 18. ellen came out with a puffy face and thanked the social worker before the two walked out. ellen took ahold of her daughter's hand as they walked back to the car. the two hopped into the car and ellen sat there as kailey got her seatbelt on. ellen sniffled before looking at her youngest baby before grabbing ahold of her left hand, "im sorry you've had to deal with all of that without anybody knowing. im sorry you've had to carry so much pain, shame and anger these past years here. im sorry that i didn't notice sooner, my love." ellen said as a tear broke through. kailey nodded in acknowledgment taking ahold of her mom's hand with her other, and smiled. "i appreciate that mom, i really do." she smiled before ellen kissed her daughter's temple. she wiped her tears before turning on the car, "how about we go surprise luke for dinner?" and kailey nodded profusely.

im sorry that was so sad ): hope you enjoyed tho!

[ouiouibaguettt]

Not so secret now?

Ingrid engen x Vera Nilsson (oc!)

warning: none i think / just slight kiss 

not so sure about this, leave request if you want!!!

Masterlist

─ ⋅◈⋅ ━─┉┈◈❖◈┈┉─━ ⋅◈⋅ ── ⋅◈⋅ ━─┉┈◈❖◈┈┉─━ ⋅◈⋅ ─

Narrator’s POV:

Vera Nilsson, our 22 year old Swedish prodigy, arrived at FC Barcelona in the 2020/2021 season and played her magic and won the hearts of the fans and the team.  She was a great help for the victory in the Champions League having made 2 assists and a goal but this one was offside.

//

The 18th of October 2021, is a very important date for Vera and Ingrid. The Swedish and Norwegian youngsters have become very close since Ingrid joined the team this summer. After two months of flirting they talked and got together on this date.

They were like a couple of teenagers. Soft kisses, shy caresses, they showed their love in private but when they went out with the team they were just best friends in the eyes of everyone. But looks don't deceive, they weren't as discreet as they seemed. For example, when a guy or girl comes up to Ingrid and flirts with her, Vera will stare at the person and automatically force a smile and say that everything is fine when Mapi and Leila decide to question her about the looks.

//

On 21st May 2021, it is the Champions League final in Turin. Vera was really nervous, as tonight's match was against Olympique Lyonnais. This team has already won the competition 7 times. As she and Ingrid do their a pre-match ritual, Vera sat in front of the Norwegian who was sitting in her seat, Ingrid did the young Swedish girl's hair. It was a way of expressing their sweet words like "I love you, and you're going to be amazing on the field" or "no matter what you do, I'll always be proud of you".

//

Vera couldn't believe it, the team had lost. She was frozen, that's what the rest of the team thought when they saw Vera sitting on the floor with her eyes fixed on the goal where she missed her shots that were so precious. According to her, it's all her fault if she had managed to put them in tonight would have been different. Still staring at the goals, she paid no attention to Ingrid, who came to land in front of her.

//

Vera's POV:

"It's all my fault, I let the team down, I didn't do the club and the shirt justice, I'm a disgrace" I said through my shirt while holding back the tears.

"No, you're not, Min kärlek, you did the best you could, okay? I’m really proud of you. You don’t have to carry the whole weight of the team all by yourself you know. And we're a team, as we often say, we win together and we lose together so don't worry, we'll get the trophy back next season. " Ingrid said, putting her hands on my cheek so that I could finally meet her gaze, a gaze filled with love.

"Stop looking at me like that" I say, turning red. "Like what?" she said. "Like you want to kiss me in front of all these people, and you know very well that I won't reject you” I say. “Vera?” she says. “Yeah?” I say. She look at me before she leans in and her lips met mines. After what seemed like an eternity, we pulled away to put our foreheads together.

“Not so secret now are you?” we heard Mapi and Leila ask.

“I guess not” I say locking eyes with Ingrid. “jeg liker deg” says the norwegian. “jeg elsker deg også“ I say with a little smile who had appeared taking the place of the frowns on my face.

We did loose tonight, but I ended up winning the love of my girl. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. Lyon we'll see each other again don't worry.

─ ⋅◈⋅ ━─┉┈◈❖◈┈┉─━ ⋅◈⋅ ── ⋅◈⋅ ━─┉┈◈❖◈┈┉─━ ⋅◈⋅ ─

Min kärlek (swd) = my love (eng)

jeg liker deg (nwg) = i love you (eng)

jeg elsker deg også (nwg) = i love you too (eng)

[daxerian]

Teenage Love

Charles Leclerc x reader

Author's note: this is like the longest fic i have ever written and omg i feel excited for you to read this! Also i write like every story for my friend so it's kind of written in 3rd person so i hope that doesn't bother you!

Words: 7k (and some more)

Warnings: divorce, a bit of smut (not explained of course just a bit) and i think that's all

Ps: it's kinda rushed so don't expect much

Edited!

Y/n and Charles had the teenage summer love, but for them, it kinda seemed that it's a forever kind of thing you know? They somehow made it work with Charles' rising career in Formula 1 and y/n wanting to finish her Business degree. It worked, Charles got into Formula 1 and y/n finished her degree and got a job.

They got married in 2021 but since then their relationship wasn't it. There wasn't excitement in y/n's eyes when Charles came home after a race late at night. There wasn't any interest on Charles' face when y/n wanted to tell him about her day. Their relationship was falling apart. But they never mentioned a divorce, maybe they were scared to talk about it, or maybe they didn't want to throw all the memories they made over the 8 years of their relationship and 10 years of their friendship.

What should they do? Y/n already started looking at apartments in the city she grew up in, Spain. Of course, it was out of boredom then it started to get serious. Y/n found a job near the location of the apartment and it paid well. Charles found out about this a few weeks later because of his job. The argument was born just like that.

"What are you looking at?" Charles asked quite confused why his wife is looking at homes in Spain. "Nothing" y/n answered not wanting to talk about it but she knew that Charles would eventually find out. "Then why are you looking at apartments in Spain? Is it for a friend or what?" he asked and of course getting a bit mad, "No it's for me Charles, not any friends or family, just me" "But why?" "Charles, don't you understand everything that has been going on for the last 2 nearly 3 years of our marriage? We are more like roommates that don't like each other than happily married couple!" y/n answered Charles rather harshly than expected.

Charles became quiet because he knew y/n was right about their whole marriage being nothing but a failure of love. "Our marriage started to fall apart after our honeymoon. We pretend to love each other and I'm sick of it Charles! I no longer feel like I'm in a fairytale story with a loving husband in this beautiful city, your fans know that our marriage is falling apart but not you!" y/n told him this in a very mad but sad tone in her voice.

"Oh, you think I didn't notice that our relationship is falling apart? You don't know how many nights I spend wondering if you want a divorce or not! I ignore that this life that we created is not falling apart because I only imagined it with you y/n!" Charles told her sadly but he tried to hide it with frustration and anger. Y/n didn't know how to answer because she knew Charles told the truth that needed to be said.

"I never truly wanted this end with you Charles, all I wanted with you was a happy marriage and after time kids that could be a carbon copy of us you know? The happy life, not this stuff. And I also think that divorce would be the best option for us, we're not happy anymore so" y/n had a hard time saying this and obviously with the divorce part but she knew it was for the best.

Charles didn't know how to react to y/n asking for a divorce but he had respect for so he told her that everything was going to ok. "I'll call my lawyer to get the divorce petition so we can file it and then send the request for court okay? It will take a few months but not forever so we can fly to Spain and look at the apartments you have been looking for so you know which one is the best for you" At this point, Charles was trying not to cry.

Y/n was stunned, she just told Charles that a divorce would be the best thing for them and he said okay. "You would do this for me?" "I would even if I didn't want to"

*2 years later*

Y/n and Charles remained friends, they contacted each other twice a month to see how the other one is doing y/n also went to the Spanish GP to show support to Charles even if they were no longer together. Some fans still believe that the whole split up was something made up and the couple was still together but you know Bety and Charles ignored them, because even after the 2 years they wanted to keep it for themselves.

A lot of things happened since the divorce. Charles still interacted with his fans but not as often as before. Y/n couldn't focus on her work stuff anymore. They missed each other so much but they didn't dare to admit it. It's like 2 years ago when they were both scared to talk about their failing marriage.

They were meant to be but they did it wrong.

Well, one day everything changed. It was a beautiful summer day like every other in Madrid but at the end of the day it started raining so much, so y/n took care of herself you know? Washed her hair, did her skincare, made some late-night dinner that wouldn't make her stomach upset, and turn on a movie.

It was halfway through the movie and she heard her doorbell ring of course she wondered who the hell is here at 10:30 pm. She looked through the peephole and saw Charles with soaked hair, hoodie and sweatpants. She quickly opened the door and instantly felt worried. What the fuck is Charles doing here?

She softly asked him "Charles what are you doing here? And why are you crying? Come inside please" Of course she still cared, he was still her friend. "I'm so sorry," Charles said with tears in his eyes. "Sorry for what Charlie? I don't understand" "I'm so sorry for not trying harder in our marriage. And I fucking hate myself it took me 2 fucking years to realize that I should try harder and I shouldn't even be here your boyfriend-" Charles said slowly because he was crying.

"What are you talking about? I don't have a boyfriend" Y/n answered him still talking to him softly because she couldn't stay mad at him. "You don't? After all the time?" Charles was confused cause y/n is still the prettiest woman he has ever seen and she could be with anybody she wants. "No Charlie I- you know what? I'll find some clothes for you and you go take a shower okay? The bathroom is down the hall" y/n told him "Okay, thank you"

Y/n never told anyone but when she was packing her stuff she sneakily 'stole' two pairs of Charles' sweatshirts and a pair of sweatpants, they were big on her of course but they were her favorite pieces of clothing of his, so how could she let them go? After some time they stopped to smell like him and it kinda hurt her. Because Charles has this smell of his own that reminds her of home.

After some time y/n asked Charles softly if he wanted to talk about what was troubling him. Charles shook his head and said that all he wanted was her. Y/n tried to remind him that they couldn't act on their feelings, but he insisted that he knew she wanted him as much as he wanted her. Against her better judgment, y/n found herself kissing him passionately.

It all happened so fast through. They were kissing passionately on her couch after 2 years of trying to act like friends even when they knew, they could never be just friends. It got carried away to y/n’s bedroom and it happened, it happened with love. Lingering touches were exchanged. Words of affirmation too. They somehow found themselves in love again.

*10 years later*

Charles and y/n got re-married after getting back together all these years ago. They are both 37 and living the best life they could ever imagine having. With Charles having 3 World Titles on his check he decided to retire after being in the sport for a lot of years. Y/n started working from home so she could finally had much more time to spend with her family.

They also got 2 beautiful daughters. Stella and Rose Leclerc. Those 2 girls brought so much joy to their lives. Stella being the fantastic 6-year-old kiddo and Rose being the fabulous 4-year-old, were living like one. There weren't arguments between the 2 sisters. They were their Angeles.

And now they are living their best life in their house in the beautiful country of Monaco.

[joesalw]

imma rant about something i am sorry. i am a huge conan gray fan. i've been since 2020 when i first heard him on a mutual's spotify playlist. i'm indian and i wasn't on internet before pandemic nor did i used to listen to non hindi songs. i did not know who taylor swift was at the time. i had just heard her name in passing and probably two of her biggest songs (love story, you belong with me)

in 2021 my love for conan grew so much. his music has helped me with so much shit in my life. i also started watching interviews and stuff and he mentioned that taylor was a huge inspiration for him many times. he became besties with liv in 2021 and taylor sent both of them her fearless tv recording (due to which i was introduced to taylor's music)

at this point swifties started using the term 'taylor's children' for conan and olivia and then the whole cruel summer credits thing happened with liv and so many swifties started accusing her of copying taylor with everything she does. she rightfully distanced herself from taylor and as her best friend, conan did too

when midnights came out, an interviewer asked him what his favourite track was. he said something along the lines of 'oh i am on tour right now and i think an album like that deserves to be properly heard. i just haven't had the time to listen to it yet' (nothing to be upset at. he was respectful towards taylor and her music) but oh the swifties went wild. they started unnecessarily trolling him, being racist and homophobic towards him and all that

even now in 2024, whenever he does ANYTHING, swifties make it about him not having heard midnights. it's so annoying atp.

but what will you except from a fandom who were all like father towards joe alwyn when he was still dating their idol. but when they broke up, he is public enemy number 1 "who put her in the basement and didn't let her bejeweled" and their new father is someone when alcohol and anger issues (they are accusing joe of that shit now btw. saying how he was an alcoholic and also accusing him of dv which is so messed up. like always believe victims. but why are they making up rumours of abuse with no proof and no word said by taylor who according to them was abused??)

They expect everybody to kiss the ground she walks on, and if someone fails to do it/ doesn’t do it by choice, they become public enemy #1

[coffeegnomee]

Training my brain to learn that caring about something does not mean someone will die and it will all be lost.

Cw - death, OCD, mcyt death, dsmp and lifesteal, triggers

This is, obviously, something super personal. But sharing about it is what scares me, so I’m going to do it anyway and prove to my brain that it’s okay to care.

If you end up reading it, know you just read my heart. I hope it helps you process whatever you’re dealing with <3. 

I looked up OCD tonight because my brain constantly cycles through the same thoughts and worries about Lifesteal like Non Stop. Like I know I’m ADHD but this isn’t just a fixation on this server, but like debilitating spirals of thought. And all focused around analyzing if it’s all going to fall apart or not. 

They say ocd is a “limbic system impairment that occurs when someone experiences a traumatic physical or emotional event while their chronic stress load is already high.”

And that freaking resonated. They say exposure therapy can rewire the brain so let’s go explore what’s the event that’s keeping me spiraling.

My chronic stress load was extremely high that summer two years ago. And then Technoblade died. The longer it’s been the more I really sit with the fact that that was traumatic.

On top of the stress personally, now my favorite YouTuber, my comfort character on dsmp, the freaking anchor of that server, was just gone. Gone.

Dreamsmp came in a time of some pretty heavy depression. Obviously the pandemic was still occurring so that’s a chronic stress load itself (I found it January 16th 2021, so like, three days before the disc finale, but almost a year into covid) and watching through all the streams I was able to completely escape.

For the first time in months I was laughing. Like deep belly laughs. Full body. Actual joy. The neural rewiring my brain those first months was insane. It was pure serotonin.

I became motivated to work again, having something fun in the background. I looked forward to cherishing the lore, keeping those streams to the side for the evenings when I could really immerse myself into the story.

There’s a two-fold trigger that sends me into a spiral around loosing the thing that makes me happy. Unfortunately at the time, the things causing the chronic stress in my life stemmed from the things that used to bring me fulfillment and joy and purpose. They were being taken away, by my own choice, and from my health (more on that later).

So in the void of having my real-life anchors to bring fulfillment, dreamsmp was the thing keeping this whole body going. Truly a hanging on by a thread moment.

But even then, it’s not just about "loosing the thing that makes me happy" that causes these obsessive thoughts.

It’s the irrational connection that because the lore changed and the dynamic of the server stalled, that THAT therefore somehow that lead to Techno dying. (yes. An irrational and non related thought. I just realized with writing that that I have truly merged both those events so closely that when the first happens, I cannot let go of the idea of the second. I’m sitting here expecting someone to irl die.)

Huh. That’s interesting. 

It’s like, I read this from some random instagram post years ago. This woman’s husband died on a sunny day and then years later sunny days fill her with dread as if the weather was signaling that she would come home to the death of a loved on.

That’s what’s going on in my noggin.

Because it’s Quackity’s lore that changed the fabric of the dreamsmp. It didn’t have to, but it did. It came at the perfect storm when everyone was super burnt out and needed to run away from the insanity of both the fans and the haters and the sudden massive fame. 

He decided to do pre-recorded movies. On my live-stream smp. The very fabric of lore was changed. 

And because of the larger production, it took longer, and the other members of the server seemed to not know where to take their personal lore; everyone was waiting for that damn casino to open. And since all the lore ended up happening in pre-recordings we never again experienced that magic of live stream entertainment and improv and dumb bits. Everything was sanitized. For their own sanity, sure. But at the expense of the survival of the server. (Also Techno wasn’t available because of the chemo, so truly nothing was happening on any end of the server)

That perfect storm, loosing interest in the server and the lore being fundamentally changed, set the stage for the traumatic moment of loosing a member. That's my two-fold trigger.

And his death sealed the deal. I’ve never held it against them for not wanting to continue after. Season 2 was impossible the moment that happened. 

My chronic stress had exploded so far that my thyroid was fucked and I’m diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disease that keeps me fatigued more often than not. Besides that, my other main chronic stress was a realization that the Future I had always expected myself to take, the Plan that I had set out, I was suddenly extremely Not Sure I wanted to do anymore. 

But I had confidently told my friends and family for over 8 years that this is what I wanted (all this during college and after. I was already 26 at this time) (yes I’m old) (yes life is still crazy when you’re old) (but you start understanding yourself better). It was in this understanding of myself that I realized my direction needed to change.

Suddenly my whole identity I had built for myself was swept out from under me. 

At that. same. dang. time. That same week. That’s when the news broke. Literally broke me to pieces. 

And I hadn’t told anyone I was obsessed with Minecraft lore. Like bro. I’m out of college for a few years. Get a life. (But man. My eyes just light up when I think about this method of story telling. It’s just goated)

My mom sort of knew. She didn’t understand but at least I could tell her someone died and she had some sort of connection that I had been following this kid for over a year now. 

But no one else. The sorrow and pain of loss is just so much worse when you can’t explain why you cared about someone so much. It’s not like my parent died. Or sibling. It was a kid I had never met in person but I resonated with so much. 

And I remember distinctly thinking “It’s not worth not sharing the things you care about with other people”. Burned into my brain that day.

But time heals all wounds. Until something triggers it. 

I spent the next year just following Foolish, that ray of sunshine who was involved enough to have become my comfort streamer, but not too involved that it was painful to watch because of the memories.

It was a crazy fun year. Best comfort streamer. But people change, I change, and I missed Minecraft lore. You can only watch so much valorant before it’s just the same game.

Foolish found out he was on QSMP (I think it actually was before, I think he knew about the server before it was announced) and he started looking at Minecraft content and Minecraft builds again. For the first time in over a year. It was such a random day. 

But we watched Sandiction and… Rekrap2. 

Both of them stole my heart and I went, maybe it’s time to return to mcyt. See what’s been brewing.

And before I knew it I was on a month-long binge of Lifesteal content and just so absolutely lost as to what order everything came out in or what season everything was from. Shoutout them being allergic to click baiting “Lifesteal” or adding season tags to the description. It’s such a mess on Youtube lol.

Soon enough I found Baconnwaffles1. Not 0. 1. Somehow found his second channel first.

The videos caught my eye. I knew they were streams and I was trying to find the vods, but as you know Bacon doesn’t have a vods channel and his streams delete after 14 days. 

But then finally the fated video crossed my path: “This is PrinceZam and he just betrayed his teammates”

Oh my goddess what in the world is going on in this server. 

I needed to know. 

So began the true binge. Found Zam’s vods, watched season 4. And I discovered something amazing.

I have genuinely never resonated more with a character than I resonated with Zam season 4.

Every internal debate of Zam resonated with my own dilemmas. People pleasing and understanding what you value came to a head, and only one could win. But truly your values are the only real option because every moment of people pleasing will rub against your soul like hot coals. 

Remember those chronic stressors? The life I didn’t know if I wanted anymore?

As Zam walked between conversations with friends, teammates, and enemies, I recognized similar conversations in my life. 

I could describe the situation one way, and the person would agree and give advice. But then I realized I could describe the situation in a different light and then maybe they wouldn’t agree anymore. So I didn’t know what advice to take.

And then chat was so funny. The day before the wormhole they started giving too many opinions, the same opinions they had been giving for weeks, and in a flash I was like, omg he’s going to spiral again guys why are you like this. 

And then he was like, OMG chat, YOU’RE the problem! There’s too many of you and I’m trying to make everyone happy.

If I tell you I jumped up, screamed, giggled, and floundered around like a crazy person it wouldn’t even come close to what happened. I was so proud of Zam for realizing his emotions were being swayed by the barest opposition. From that third person point of view, I could so clearly see what was going wrong and I was cheering him on to realizing what he truly wanted.

I did, and still do, see so many of the decision making problems that Zam has, within myself. As a piece of media, and him being a character, it’s the craziest most relatable story I have ever seen. I’ve never resonated with a character more. 

Then we reached season 5. 

The first season I truly watched as it came out. I had gotten too obsessed with this Minecraft world. I wanted more. I loved these kids and their storytelling. 

But it was the first season when people started leaving the server on good terms.

Oh no. This sounds too familiar. People are loosing interest in the server I love. What’s next, a change in the fabric of how lore is created? 

Then there was a change in the fabric of how the lore was created.

We saw the new members approach the server with a recording-mindset. Who weaponized the lore against the old server members. Pretending they cared about the yapping but then revealing that in itself was a complete and total lie used to get you into the perfect position to either spoil the whole riddle or shoot you with an arrow canon.

And then. Not. Care. At. All. Zero remorse.

I don’t know why the betrayals by Jumper hurt so badly. But it hurt. A lot. (I was triggered that’s why) My emotional reaction was out of proportion to reality.

It’s not like it wasn’t a Lifesteal move, people had gotten into position to betray in the past, and would continue to do so in the future with Leo and Clown betraying Minute. 

But it was that “I have no remorse over the hours we spent as a team, not a single thread of care to you or to the yapping lore of this server”. It’s one thing to be betrayed by an enemy. Quite another to be betrayed by a friend.

So here I began. Triggered by something that wasn’t world ending. Quackity’s take on lore didn’t kill the server. Neither did Jumper’s. It was probably going to be fine.

But like. My brain is not agreeing. So I’m pushing back on it. 

Here’s what I’m finding.

This is a fun tidbit - when Mapic said “streams are delayed” when he was in the hospital before the finale I could not convince myself that he didn’t had cancer and wasn’t going to die. Bro. Tell me you’re triggered without telling me you’re triggered. (In case you didn’t see, it was just a concussion)

I’m so hyper aware of everything that could indicate I’m going to loose someone I care about again.

The pattern recognition is going out of control. 

And I keep trying to calm my brain down and catalogue all the reasons I know and believe Lifesteal will be perfectly fine for probably a while. Like how they have meetings all the time to discuss what went down on the server. They’re talking all the time to work out interpersonal problems and lore problems so that everyone is happy and feels heard. And they’re watching movies together. Meeting up and strengthening relationships. Changing admins as necessary. 

And I say it again. 

And again. 

And again. 

Every time something throws the smallest pebble at stability I walk my brain back through all the indicators that everything will be fine. 

Jumper:

Jumper loves being on the server. She’s said it. She’s so excited about it. She did have a plan. She didn’t tell us the plan as it went, but she does stream. She’s getting comfortable with the idea of streaming, she’ll learn to trust chat over time. She’ll learn how to loose gracefully on this server at some point. Probably. hopefully. And since I don’t know when that will be I’ll just have to wait until season 6 and see what happens. It’s out of my control. She’s fine. It’ll be fine. 

Pentar:

Pentar is fine. He doesn’t understand why chat would tell him he’s the most likely to betray even though every video he betrays. Why is he doing that that’s so weird. But he’s a great teammate and everyone likes having him around. I don’t like how he laughs at Zam, but like I can give him the benefit of the doubt that he just doesn’t take anything seriously and laughs in the face of anything serious. I’ll have to wait and see until next time to see how I feel about what he does on the server. Real life can’t be repeated over and over so just let it go. It’ll be fine.

Minute:

Minute is just so happy to be in Lifesteal. He loves it so much. You can tell by how he speaks every time there’s a group moment. He’s going to be admin next season. He loves this server. He may be overly attached to the Rules and have black and white thinking and he sometimes wields that for his own gain and I hate when he does that can he just have fun and take things less seriously? But I think he’ll get it. He’s competent. And he loves the server. He wouldn’t destroy it even on accident because someone would call him out before that happens. It’s going to be fine. 

Ash: 

Ash can be mean and also not care about the good that our side is doing and just wave them away saying they’re just evil. He does’t get it. But also he’s quite the actor. He puts on a lore face when he logs on, you can see it in season 4 with the wormhole. You can see it when he logs on for the justice league returns and he’s so committed to being good and fighting evil and as Zam is killing Mid in the background and he’s all shocked as if he was not the one who goaded Zam into killing her moments before. It’s a character. Even when it feels like it shouldn’t be. He does take random events in stride, pulling up the meditation guidance video when they all got killed. He’s stressed out by it, but also takes it with some levity. He’ll be fine. He just chose a questionable character to act this season and didn’t know how to balance his position as admin separate from his need to win. But he’ll be fine.

Can you see how this is exhausting? This is my brain on the daily. 

Every day I find myself working through each person one after another as something small comes up to threaten the balance, or reinforce the good.

This is when I noticed this wasn’t simple excitement about the lore, thinking and guessing about what might happen.  It was the same thoughts over and over and over. And I couldn’t stop a line of thought until I mentioned all the things. That’s what made me look up ocd. 

But back to it, I’m actually so much more okay with Ash because it’s been a couple seasons with him. I’m starting to see his tells. So I can just let the rough parts slide away. 

And that’s really what I just have to accept. That I can’t self soothe my way into being okay. Resisting acknowledging what I’m afraid of is just making me spiral more. 

We’ve seen people choose to leave after stressful seasons. We know some people become aware that they aren’t cut out for Lifesteal. Or they just don’t want to be. Some of these members might decide that. And Lifesteal has continued despite members leaving. 

OMg can I please stop cataloging how it will be fine?

I have to sit with the reality and realize nothing bad DID happen, NOT that nothing bad MIGHT happen. 

(This is unironically so counterintuitive to my brain. What do you mean I have to just accept that nothing bad happened, what if something bad does happen!) (But that’s what anxiety looks like. That’s not a good)

How do you convince yourself that you can’t predict the future? Asking for a friend.

I think it goes back to caring. I don’t think I’m allowed to care about any of this. That it’s silly, or dumb, or immature. 

It was, in fact, in caring itself that the loss of Techno was so painful.

So I don’t allow myself to care. To get too invested. Any time I see that I’m caring I push up on the walls of my trenches and shove that shit out. Only analytical thoughts in here. Measurable, quote-filled analyses.

But caring does not therefore mean there will be a loss.

So. Okay. Pivot. What am I really afraid of? 

I’m afraid the server will end. That something will make Zam give up and leave. 

Wow. I thought that was going to be a long ass paragraph but it really is just that. I know I’ll stop watching lifesteal if Zam is gone. Unless someone new comes in that has his same spark and dedication. Unlikely. 

So that threat is the worst. 

And I’ve seen his interest wax and wane. I know he can disappear for a month. 

But I also know he can come back. And he’s been a lot more mature and healthy and confident in being the streamer of Lifesteal. In how much he loves the server. 

Which is where pb&j being such a threat to the fabric of how lore is done is so scary, because that changes Zam’s care. But then again. It really didn’t. He just pivots. 

One of the most healing things has been watching the old members leave and continue to make content. And seeing how they choose to make their exit. They honored the server and the time they were there, in Rek’s case uplifting Lifesteal.net, in Parrot’s in completely reediting all his footage into a cohesive story. 

And then they still make content together. All the members make content with each other outside of Lifesteal. (And those that left the internet forever, that was okay too)

So that’s nice. Some bad things came to pass, and they've shown their response to it. Also Zam taking a break didn’t change how the lore was created, so that wouldn’t be a trigger. 

The trigger from that fear would be if he did leave, my brain would go into high gear looking for who was going to die. And I would have a new post to write lol. 

The trigger that is still tilting me is that pb&j changed how the lore was made, and my brain went *danger* *danger* This is something that happened last time and you know how that turned out! Start looking for who is going to die!

And it stopped me from seeing how this is not the same situation. The pattern for a death that I think I’m seeing, is not a pattern. 

And sitting with how nothing DID go wrong, that fear did not come to pass, is exposure therapy.

Because nothing went catastrophically wrong with the season 5 finale. I just keep closing my eyes, sitting in the problematic lore, and not accepting what actually happened at the end of the season, and freaking out that disaster is coming.

So what happened?

Season 5, you tried to kill my server. 

But The server resisted. (Hahahah undertale reference!)

Clown came back. Ro came back. Branzy betrayed everyone for Clown. Bacon and Zam sat in vc the entire finale fight. Mapicc fought until he couldn’t.

Spepticle gave his account then fought for it back. Pangi gave his account. Spoke gave his account. Red did the blessings/curses as Zam wanted. 4C said he was glad to give Minute the presidency because he knew Minute wanted peace and he knew peace was not an option in Lifesteal. Actually the quietest of goats. Didn’t realize he thought that deeply about the server. 

And it meant so much that Clownpierce, who hasn’t been meaningfully involved since the season 3 finale, came back and fought for his server. He made Lifesteal season 2. It’s always been his domain and he fought for its soul.

That’s the season 5 finale. 

The Players fought for Lifesteal. The server resisted destruction. 

This chapter is closed. This season got it’s ending. And it’s “not like last time” like my brain keeps thinking. 

The season might have ended with a lot of unknowns for how it will affect season 6. Will these old members still care? Will pb&j be a menace still? 

But what happened was a moment where everyone came together to care about the server. And that means the anxiety was unfounded. If something happens like this again, I have an example where everything didn’t fall apart to counter my fear that it will. 

See you around!

If you actually read to the end you’re amazing. Hopefully this is something you can do in your life to help understand what is the cause of your pain and anxiety. I wasn’t going to post it initially, but working it out as a post I could theoretically show to other people helped make it way more real than trying to work it out in my head, talking to myself. I had to write it in such a way that someone else would understand. Even if I didn’t post it. 

I’ll probably have many more days of writing when I notice a new trigger. Exposure therapy isn’t a one and done. (I probably won’t post any of those.)

But my body feels so much more relaxed now. Something has shifted in my head as a result of writing this all down.

Good luck!

[at1nys-blog]

His own Valkyrja

Pairing: fem!Doctor!reader x Hvitserk Ragnarsson

Summary: Valkyrje. They come from the sky to take to Valhalla the warrior that feel in battle but Hvitserk Ragnarsson has his own, very different version of a Valkyrja

A/N: This came to mind while watching Doctor who specials on DIsney+ and I wanted to write a ff for the series since I am back at watching it but I dind't want reader to be the companion so I inverted the roles and made a crossover with my favourite historical Tv Show. Also the TARDIS is referred as she because I felt like doing so.

A/N pt.2: There are a couple of words in Old Norse like já that means yes and Valkyrja/Valkyrje, Old Norse for Valkyria/Valkyrie

The song is in danish/old norse so here a transation of the song

It was a simple day in Kattegat, nothing special was going on, not during winter. During the snowy season there were just talks, talks about what was the best curse of actions to take in the spring. Were they going to plunder back a new Saxon’s city or were they going to discover and plunder a complete new city? This was something only the spring and summer could tell.

The winter wind was blowing, hard and consistent, like an old friend that wants to catch up. Everyone wearing thick coats to protect themselves from the cold weather and in the crowded market of the city, one of the sons of Ragnar was walking around.

The prince, the man or whatever you want to call him, didn’t had a place to be, nor he was really interested in what people sold in their lonely stools. He just needed time for himself, away from his brothers, his mother and the lords who tried their everything to become friends with him.

Walking around the city, head up to the clouds, Hvitserk Ragnarsson didn’t notice when he walked outside the city’s walls. It was when he was at the forest’s door that he was brought back to reality.

Looking behind him, he couldn’t see the city, nor hear the chattering of the market anymore. It was just him, a snowy and grey landscape. His mind wondered if he had to go back, but then he decided to stay out a little bit longer. He knew that if anyone needed him, they were going to send someone to find him.

The landscape was snowy and grey and silent. Too much silence was keeping company to the warrior, he started singing. Sure, between his brothers he knew Sigurd was the most artistic one. He was the one with a nice voice and gentle touch and the one with the mind filled with honey like words, but Hvitserk, he was pretty sure he came in good second.

The song was one that his mother's maiden used to sing to him and the rest of the Ragnarssons, it was about Ymir and was rather short but his favourite nontheless.

The forest too was silent. The trees' leaves weren't rustling; birds did not chirp on top of his singing voice and no animals dared to make a noise. It was like the wild that populated that place was admiring his voice.

Hvitserk performance got interrupted by a leaves rustling, as if someone moved them aside to not trip or to get hurt. The prince tried to find the source of the noise, ready to fight it was from a foe-man or an ally. Some seconds later he saw her, a female figure walking directed straight to north.

Hvitserk was able to get a glance of her, taking him just a couple of details: she couldn't be taller than him, maybe some centimeters shorter, from his standing point he couldn't say for sure; her hair were messy and up in a simple braid. He decided to follow her, from a distance to not scare her away and to be in control in case she was enemy to him and his kingdom.

Hvitserk Ragnarsson notice her choice of style was weird, nothing he had saw before. The coat was too long, coming down on her ankles; her feet covered in a colorful pair of...

"What are those called?" he asked, curios and getting the girl's attention. She turned back in an instant, and she had to close her eyes a little if she didn't want to faint there in front of him. The viking approached her carefully, slow in his step and stepping back every now and then.

"What... what are you talking about?" she spoke his language, if that was the case maybe she wasn't an enemy. He pointed at her feet, asking once more what those things were. Looking down, the unfamiliar presence kept silence for some seconds. "Those are called sneakers but you won't need to learn the name, don't worry." was her answer.

"Sneakers." he repetead on and on, as to grab the essence of the word, as if he was trying to taste the word she just spoke.

"I was trying to search for some more historically appropriate footwear but my space ship had a problem and it dropped in the middle of the forest. You know where I can find a river or a lake? I really need some water right about now." Even though Hvitserk could understand what she was saying he couldn't understand what she was talking about, she had dropped a word he had no idea what it meant, it wasn't in his native language. The stranger could tell he was confused. "right, you don't know what space ship means. Again nothing to worry about or for you to keep in mind."

"You say I don't have to worry about a lot of things and still haven't told me your name. I am prince Hviterser son of king Ragnar and Queen Aslaugh." he introduced himself. The figure smiled.

"You are right, how rude of me to not introduce myself. I am The Doctor, but not the doctor you are thinking. I can't cure people." the more this so called Doctor spoke, the more Hvitserk's mind was in a state of confusion, what was she talking about?

"Then what do you cure?" a smirk appeared on her face and the prince was warry of that, was it a good or bad sign? She streatched out her hand tilting her head on the side, it was a clear invitation to take her hand and follow wherever she was goint to. It took him a quick minute to decide to trust her, if she was there to kill him she should have tried already. Not that he thought she could do it, but he felt like she wasn't as weak as she seemed.

"you have nice skin." he commented with a small smile pictured on his features. It hadn't been a long time since he had touched a woman but her skin felt different, it made him feel different.

"I think I've heard someone singing, was it you?" the viking man answered with a quick já that he was sure she understood. "You have a nice voice. Can you sing me a song? If you don't mind, of course." Hvitserk started to sing, a different and longer song than the one he had sung previously to meet her, with a calmer tune. This one talked about a love story between a Valkyrja and a brave warrior.

Hvitersk kept his eyes on the Doctor, thinking that she resembled a Valkyrie. Just like the divine creature, she had come from the sky, sure in a ship made for the space, but still from the sky. He felt like she had found him, maybe he was dreaming and it was all in his head. He thought, for a moment, that she came into his dreams to foresee his imminent death.

He didn't notice her halting in her steps, bumping into her. Hvitserk apologized and she realized something was wrong with the TARDIS' translation circuit because she couldn't understand what he had told her, pretty much he had apologized but still, the word didn't register in her mind.

The language, the one she knew as Old Norse, sounded like an old song. She loved it, and it made it at the top of her list of favourite language--something her ninth version started--alongside Ancient North Martian and Sittuun.

She looked left and right, as to remember which way to go, where did the TARDIS landed? East or West? Hvitserk noticed she never let go of his hand, not even when she had trouble keeping her balance. Her hand still in his.

They walked some more and the prince kept on singing, he performed three songs since she had asked the first time, and he was about to sing a fourth one when she let go of his hand. Hvitserk felt the cold wind now, his hand felt the cold weather and if she didn't rushed towards a blue box he would have kept his hand in hers. He liked it.

He kept his eyes on her, walking inside and he waited a little bit. For what he didn't know but he felt it wasn't right to get inside without an invite. She came out some minutes later, asking him why he was staying outside.

"I didn't think I could..."

"Nonsense, come on. I want to show you something." and back inside she went. He followed her, slowly. He had the idea it was an ambush, he had to be carefull. "I'm down here" she said when he opened the door. His eyes couldn't believe what he had in front of him. He walked outside, went around the blue box and then back inside. "I know she is..."

"Smaller outside." he comented. His choice of words triggered her, he saw it. She stiffened, just for a second and he was about to ask if she was doing fine but she didn't gave him the time to ask. "You remind me of a friend I've lost." he was about to give her his condolecence but once again she didn't let him talk, it was like she could read his mind. "Is okay, I'm used to that but here. Come."

Hvitserk approached her, and once again The Doctor took his hand and walked him in front of a square object, with colorful moving drawings.

"What is this?" he asked looking at her.

"This, my dear Hvitserk Ragnarsson is what is hidden behind the sky. Do you want to aknowledge what there is outside of this world?" he noticed her eyes were blinking, like all the starts decided to move into her eyes. She looked etheral, out of this world, just like her blue box.

He agreed, why not? He had nothing to do, nothing to loose so he decided to follow her. He would have followed her no matter what and he was fine with it. He had found his Valkyrja.

He walked around the weird looking piece of metal, studying carefully everything. There were letters he couldn't name but at the same time shapes and colors he had seen both in Kattegat and in his travels over the icy seas; there were objects, like mirrors but they never reflected his face but people he had never met. He was fascinated and confused at the same time.

An earthquake shook up the little blue box and he lost balance for a second, finding support on one of the weird object that were surronding the space inside the box. Hvitserk heard her giggle, for a second and then she was back working on whatever there was in the deepths of that box.

"Doctor, so what exactly did you wanted to show me?" he asked still looking around. Everytime he turned he noticed something new and he was curious to find out what it was.

"I wanted to show you..." her head appearing from somewhere below him. "Something amazing, but I need to fix my ship" she commented.

"This doesn't look like a ship at all." he retored and once again he tried to fullfill his curiosity about what she had called a ship.

"Not in the sense of what you are familiar, no is not, but is a different type of ship." she answered back. "is a ship that sails through time and space" she tried to use words he could understand and even if he did know what sail meant, I mean he did that every spring and summer, he couldn't wrap his head around how a thing could sail through time and space. "this ship can go whenever on this Earth and in every time you want: back in the past, or foward in the future."

The future, he wanted to see what the future had in store for him and his brothers. Were they going to realise all their dreams? Were they going to rise the name of their father to fame? Was he going to have a happy life with a good wife and amazing kids?

"Can we go the future? Not that far into that, just a couple of years." he asked, this time is full attention on his Valkyrja. She smiled. A nice and warm smile.

"Sadly the TARDIS doesn't work like that. Is like she gives me a mission everytime I set her gears on. She sents me when I am needed." another word he couldn't understand but he remember what she had told him before do not worry, and he did not.

"So you are needed here?"

"Not really. My ship needs some time to fix herself. I think she decided the safest place to land was in..."

"Kattegat, 818 AD." he stated. She repeated his words. "Why here?" he asked. Kattegat wasn't the safest option, he knew that. Not when the city feared invasions from basically everyone.

"I might know a lot but this is something I can't tell. Maybe this old lady..." prince Hvitserk followed her every move while she was speaking. "...planned our meeting." she joked, laughing at it. But Hvitersker was pretty sure Urd, Verdandi and Skuld had worked their web to let the two of them. The warrior made a note to himself to leave some offerring to the Norns to thank them for this opportunity. "Now, would you mind show me around?"

He didn’t mind, the more Hvitserk Ragnarsson was alongside her, the happier he was.

Roaming around the market’s stalls it was his time to feed her curiosity. Every question she asked he had the answer, well most of the times.

Everything was going on pretty good until his older brother, Ubbe, whistled to get his attention, he really wanted to run back in the forest to avoid uncomfortable questions from him and the younger of the Ragnarssons.

“Ubbe.” He simply said asking with his eyes to not say anything inappropriate. “Ivar.” He added turning to the the younger of the four brothers.

“Who is she?” Asked the older viking. He took her hand in his and gave it a quick peck—he had learned this during a trip in Wessex—making the Doctor giggle.

“Such a gentleman Ubbe Ragnarsson.”

“Thank you my lady.” Was his throw back(?)

After a quick introduction, whit Hvitserk lying about her name being Brynild like one of the Valkyrje, Ivar invited her to have dinner with them so the two of them and their mother could know more about Hvitserk’s new friend.

“I see if I can attend dinner with your family but I won’t promise anything. But thank you for the invite Prince Ivar.” The title feeded his ego more than enough, the younger prince was happy and limped back from where he came with a soft thank you; Ubbe rolled his eyes and after another act of cavalry he followed in tow his brother.

“I’m sorry for them.” Apologized the second born.

“Is okay. I think the TARDIS is ready. Do you want to live an adventure outside the ordinary?” The viking wanted to tell her that just meeting her was out of the ordinary, sure in a positive way, but still out of this world situation.

“Lead the way, my lady.” And with that they went back into the forest, hand in hand. Hvitserk asking more questions and the Gallifreyan never saying a word.

Hvitserk woke up with a strong head pain, memory of what he thought a dream flooding his mind. He pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to relieve a little the pain he was feeling, not noticing his brothers, Ubbe and Björn were looking for him.

"Here you are. Queen Aslaugh wants you home." started Björn and without giving him the time to get up he left for Kattegat on his own. Ubbe, on the other side, took a seat next to his brother and with a smirk on his face asked him if he had fun all that time he was missing.

Hvitserk had to lie, nodding his head yes. He didn't know how to explain that he didn't know where she went, and what happened between the two of them, he thought saying they had some private time together was easier.

"How was she? Do you think I can have her one day?"

"I don't think. She told me she found Kattegat by accident" that was not a lie, well not completely. "and besides she has to take care of her family so I don't think she has much free time."

"What a shame. Well, at least you managed to get her. But do tell, was she good?" That was the only thing Ubbe cared to know, then again is about a viking man we are talking about.

Hvisterk rolled his eyes and smacked his brother to his chest, a way to ask him to shut up and that he wasn't going to give him details about it.

Weeks passed and Hvitserk had made it a routine to check the market from the main door of the Great Hall. Watching carefully to see if she was coming back anytime soon.

Then months passed and he realized she was not coming back to Kattegat, he needed to move on. But then it came one day, one beautiful spring day where he saw her, or so he thought, because that woman in the market looking for a pin to use for her hair looked almost ideantical to his Valkyrja. What was more astonoshing was the fact she had fall in love with the prince. Hvitserk decided to take it as a sign from the Gods and after a couple of weeks they got married.

Spending nights together, it was not a surprise to hear his wife giving him the news she was with child and Hvitserk was the happiest to hear it. He had told his brothers first. Björn patted his back, proud of him; Ubbe smirked and laughed at his own words when he said that the little brother had been working hard and Ivar just smiled, happy for his older brother. Then when his mother found out, she decided to throw a party, all Kattegat was welcomed to celebrate the news.

Nine months later, or so, Hvitserk's daughter was born. A beautiful and healty baby girl. Hvitserk looked at her with stars in his eyes, she was going to be his first priority from now on.

"How do you want to call her?" asked one of the women that helped his wife deliver the little girl.

"Brynhildr" he said without esitation. The couple didn't talked about the name but that sounded a good fit for the girl. "I like Brynhildr." he added. He started cooing at his daughter, making her giggle and wrapping her little hand on his big pinky.

"She loves you already." said his wife, a weak giggle leaving her lips. "She is going to be a daddy's girl. Boys will be terrified to ask for her hand" she joked.

"She is going to grow into a fine woman." he commented and gave it back to the one who gave her to him, so that the new addiction to the family could spend time with her mother.

Hvitserk left the little house, taking in the cold weather of the winter season, looking up to the sky he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again.

"I might not see you again, my Valkyrja, but the memory will be always be with until my very end." Was it then, that his brothers came to take him out to drink. He just had a daughter, it was a good enought reason to celebrate.