#i came up with the background and scene at the very last moment lol

[kaiserouo]

don't really wanna draw much today so i drew shaxx again

[weirdkpopgirl]

Stronger Together | Haechan Fic #2

Title: Stronger Together

Genre: College AU, exes to lovers (sort of)

Warnings: mentions of mental health issues like anxiety and self-harm, bullying. the story gets very emotional

Word Count: 14k

Author's Note: Omg I've been working on this story for way too long. This has been on the backburner of my drive for months. And somebody sent a request, asking me to write something with Haechan where the reader has a hard time being vulnerable with him. So I thought I might as well finish this story since it fits that request? I apologize for how long and cliché it is. I was also heavily influenced by the k-dramas that take place in universities lol. Thank you guys for reading and I really hope you like it ^^

─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─

~ prologue ~

Everything felt like some tragic scene from a romance movie gone wrong. One that left the audience holding their breaths, afraid of what the character’s next move would be. Meeting at a café, the one close to your university. The aroma of fresh coffee filled the air. The dimmed ambiance, as it was no longer daytime. Soft music playing in the background. Then there was you two in the corner of the room. The warm drinks set atop the wooden table remained untouched. The carefree smiles faded gradually.

At last, the silence was broken. When you met his eyes, all the courage you mustered up dispersed. Then the words you never thought you’d hear yourself say fell from your lips.

“Let’s break up.”

The sun receded behind the somber, gray clouds as the storm took hold, leaving behind the absence of the once cherished feelings of warmth and radiance.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter one ~

“Yeonsung University’s Hae-Dal Couple Seen Sharing a Cute Moment Before Class,” Jaemin read aloud to the group.

You held back a grimace when you scrolled through the snapshots, most likely taken behind the school bushes. One of Donghyuck gently removing an eyelash off your cheek. One of you smiling fondly at him. One of him giving you an innocent kiss on the forehead. What began as a quiet exchange with your boyfriend had turned into morning gossip eagerly devoured by the students of Yeonsung.

“We look cute don’t we?” Donghyuck proudly swung an arm around your shoulders. Unlike you, he wasn’t bothered by the post at all. 

You shrugged in response. “I guess.”

Maybe you were just being sensitive. At the start of university, you had a lot of goals. Study hard, get good grades, and find a nice internship. Love and leisure? Those were not on the list. Yet somehow Lee Donghyuck, one of the most popular freshmen, just had to pursue you out of all the other girls who fawned over him.

A little over half a year has passed since you agreed to be his girlfriend—after numerous rejections, and you still haven’t adapted to your elevated social status. The way everyone stopped to look in awe at the two of you when walking by. How there always seemed to be someone with a phone to capture a single moment of your day and post it to the UniYeon, your college’s community site. The endless stream of comments praising you both as the epitome of couple goals and being jealous over your relationship with the one and only Lee Donghyuck was unrelenting.

Maybe you were crazy for disliking the attention, even though it wasn’t necessarily bad. Being a campus couple—with Lee Donghyuck much less, meant taking all the pressure that came with it. Your boyfriend seemed to have no problem ignoring what everyone else thought. So why was it so hard for you?

“Hey, guys!” Your best friend, Ahryun, snapped you out of your thoughts. “There’s this new fried chicken place that opened nearby. We should check it out. I heard there’s a special discount for university students there.”

Your lips parted, hesitant to respond, as a sense of wariness washed over you. Fortunately, Donghyuck spoke up, saving you both from the need to answer.

“Can’t. (Y/n) and I have a date for our 200-day anniversary,” He said proudly. You couldn’t help but smile when he turned to you with such loving eyes.

Although it felt like the whole university was watching your relationship like it was a reality show, you could handle the inconvenience. The love you had for Donghyuck allowed any wary thoughts to temporarily shift to the back of your mind. 

You never pictured yourself dating someone like him, honestly. To say the least, you and he were quite the opposite of each other. He was a social butterfly, who made everyone around him laugh. You were the more reserved type, sticking with small groups of friends, and hiding your face behind the thin rose-gold glasses you always wore. Donghyuck often left you wondering what made him like you in the first place.

The anticipation in Ahryun’s eyes dissolved into disappointment. “Ah, I see. What about you, Jaemin?”

“Sorry, I can’t either. It’s my turn to cook for Jeno and me,” Jaemin replied, rolling his eyes at the mention of his best friend. He peered up from his phone and shifted his attention to the group. “Also, it’s been 200 days already? Time flies.”

You and Donghyuck nodded in agreement. The dark-haired boy leaned back in his seat with a nostalgic look. “Ah, it felt like yesterday when Donghyuck followed (Y/n) around like some lost puppy.” 

Ahryun set her chin on the palm of her hand. “How did you handle him, (Y/n)-ah?”

“He just grew on me, I guess,” You shrugged, turning to look at the boy who gave unamused looks to the two people sitting across from you.

You reached your hand out to gently pet his head. “And it turned out he was very sweet and cute.”

Cliché words like this were rare from you. But seeing the pleased smile on Donghyuck’s face was sort of worth the minor embarrassment.

“See? (Y/n) loves me, thank you very much.” He childishly stuck his tongue out at your friends, earning a head shake from them. He stood up and offered his hand so you could walk out together.

 “Now if you excuse us, we have a reservation to prepare for.”

▃▃▃

Despite being seated not long ago, the fluttery feeling in your stomach had yet to leave you. Since you had planned your 100-Day anniversary date, Donghyuck took responsibility for this one. That’s how you find yourself at a classy Italian restaurant. When looking at the other tables, you felt underdressed in your powder blue dress that was quite plain.

“How did you find this place?” You asked conscientiously.

A part of you wanted to ask if you guys could afford this place, considering you were broke college students. But you didn’t want to cause any tension when his effort into planning this special day was clear.

He casually glanced up from the menu in his hands. For a moment you forgot you were also holding one. “I just came across it, when I was searching for restaurants we should try someday. This one has the rose pasta you like.”

“Oh, really?”

Finally, your eyes dropped down to your own menu. The slight nervousness you had began to fade as a small smile stretched across your lips.

You loved witnessing the rare moments where your boyfriend’s subtle consideration peeked through. He often pretended not to pay attention when you talked about a food you liked or an activity you’ve always wanted to try. But in reality, he secretly saved those small details in his pocket for future surprises. Honestly, you were lucky to be one of the few people to see this side of Donghyuck.

Once you adjusted to the new setting, dinner with Donghyuck was quite delightful. Dates with him often started with feelings of nervousness and hesitation. But Donghyuck’s humor and charm always managed to melt away your anxiety. It was in those times when you allowed yourself to relax and enjoy the present moment.

During the date, the topic of conversation mainly revolved around school. Since his major was music production and yours was creative writing, your schedules didn’t align. Some may hate the distance throughout the day, but you and Donghyuck truly didn’t mind.

Though the boy occasionally complained about how he missed you, having something to talk about when you were together was nice. You loved listening to him share his experiences, and learn about the classes he was taking. Donghyuck always had the most amusing stories about something that happened to him or one of his friends.

The bright blue sky disappeared as the evening settled in, just as your dinner came to a close. You may or may not have reprimanded Donghyuck when he went to the “bathroom,” but instead paid for the meal at the counter. 

“We could’ve split the check.” You crossed your arms in disapproval.

Knowing how stubborn your boyfriend could be, chastising him was futile. Yet you still did it. Which caused you to insist, “At least let me pay for drinks later.”

“Deal,” The boy agreed. “But before we go, I have a little something for you.”

Unsure of what to expect, you eyed him curiously as he reached into his jacket pocket. He brought out a cream-colored box and pushed the small item toward you.

“Open it.” 

Hesitantly, you took the box in with one hand and opened it with the other. The slightly smug smile on his face changed to one of satisfaction when you gasped.

Inside the box revealed a necklace and not just any necklace—one with a sterling silver chain, and a crescent moon pendant made of white gold. Instantly, you recognized the gift as a reference to your couple name, Hae-Dal. That was what your fellow peers started calling the two of you at the beginning of your relationship. This given title was probably the only thing you honestly didn’t hate about being a campus couple.

Hae was a word for sun, and dal meant moon. Donghyuck was the sun because of his bright and extroverted nature. On the other hand, the moon represented your cold and pessimistic demeanor. Despite your contrasting personalities, the balance between you two was nothing short of marvelous.

“Hyuck, you shouldn’t have…”

Leaning back in his seat, the grin on his face didn’t leave. “I know. I’m amazing aren’t I?”

His teasing response was out of instinct. However, it was also his way of covering up the warm sensation that filled his heart when you called him by his nickname. You were the only person who did.

“It’s perfect. Thank you, really,” You breathed, allowing yourself to smile at him.

Before you guys parted ways for the night, Donghyuck didn’t let you leave without helping you put on the necklace. You couldn’t control the blush on your cheeks when his fingers grazed your neck as he connected the clasp. Especially when he used his other hand to cup the side of your face to bring you closer to him. His lips connected to yours in one of the most tender kisses he’s ever given. The exchange left you feeling as though time had stopped and nothing else in the world mattered.

“I love you, (Y/n). Let’s stay together forever.” His tone was lighthearted. However, the intensity of his gaze and the unmistakable spark in his eyes revealed just how deeply committed he was.

Agreeing wholeheartedly, you gently pressed your forehead against his and whispered. “Yes, let’s do that.”

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter two ~

For once, all of the negative thoughts in your mind quieted down. Despite having to wake up early for class, you felt more cheerful than usual. Even Ahryun noticed you had more energy today. The two of you met up in the library to do some homework.

“Okay, you’ve been acting like some lovestruck teenager all morning.” She gave you a weird look. “All because of Lee Donghyuck?”

You glanced up from the notes you were taking and smiled sheepishly. “Is it that obvious?”

Ahryun nodded and gestured to your neck. “Very. Did he give you that necklace?”

Almost instinctively, your hand reached to hold the pendant. You hadn’t taken it off since last night. Which was outstanding, considering you rarely wore jewelry.

“Wah, Donghyuck must really like you,” Ahryun smiled. “I wish I had a boyfriend to buy me expensive gifts.”

You shook your head. “That’s not why I like him though. The more I get to know Donghyuck, the more I see what a thoughtful person he is.”

Ahryun’s eyes widened with interest.  “Tell me more about him.”

Out of habit, you folded your arms self-consciously when she leaned forward on the table. Maybe your lack of experience in relationships was the reason it felt so weird to talk about, now that you were actually in one. Back in high school, Ahryun was the one who’d be going on and on about her past boyfriends. You were pretty sure all the boys in your grade crushed on her at least once.

A part of you used to envy her. Ahryun had the type of beauty that didn’t require much effort. She always had the best features, the best fashion sense, and the best social skills. Once you started university, you thought Ahryun would end up being one of those campus couples. So even now, you were still surprised how things were the other way around.

“We’ve been dating for almost seven months now. But it feels like he and I have known each other forever,” You spoke honestly, twirling a pencil in your left hand. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, but I’m ready to open up to Donghyuck about…you know.”

The intrigued expression on Ahryun’s face disappeared. “Oh (Y/n), are you still…?”

A part of you wanted to hide under the table when her eyes darted to your right arm. Despite it being fully concealed by your white sweater, you instinctively pulled the sleeve down further out of paranoia. Almost no one knew about the dark secret that hid beneath the fabric.

Ahryun was the only person at the university who knew about your history of mental illness. Due to the toxic environment, you grew up in, you’ve always been an anxious child. As you matured, you constantly doubted yourself, convinced that you were merely fabricating everything within your own mind. It wasn’t until high school that those insecurities sought to completely destroy you.

The present you still hated yourself. But back then, the self-hatred stored inside of you was immense. Eventually, a box cutter came into your possession. Tenth grade was the beginning of your long, messy history with self-harm. Things got so bad in the last year of high school that you recklessly ran into a busy street. You could still hear the sound of the car horns blaring.

Unfortunately, your attempt to end your life failed. Your actions led to an unwelcome reputation that spread like wildfire through the entire school. You became labeled as the "crazy suicide girl," attracting gawking students in the hallways and the judgmental gazes of teachers. Amidst this turmoil, Ahryun remained steadfast as your true friend, standing unwaveringly by your side, providing much-needed support throughout it all.

After going through that trauma, you knew that anxiety would be a lifelong battle for you. But since starting university, you were in a far better place than you were at seventeen years old.

“I haven’t done it since I met Donghyuck,” You answered honestly. “But I still think he deserves to know, don’t you think?”

Ahryun leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, pondering on how to respond.

“To be honest, I don’t think telling him is a good idea.”

Confusion crossed your eyes. “Why?”

“Most guys leave their girlfriends right away when they find out they’re…mentally ill,” Ahryun slowly explained. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Donghyuck walked out on you right after you told him.”

The small bubble of optimism in you burst. You have heard stories in relation to what Ahryun was talking about. 

“But not all men are like that, right? Donghyuck isn’t the type to--”

Ahryun cut you off quickly and exhaled in frustration. “Seven months might seem long because this is your first relationship, (Y/n). Donghyuck might not get angry now if you tell him about your anxiety. But he’ll eventually get tired of helping you, and leave. Do you want that?”

No, that was the last thing you wanted. Ahryun was right. Your relationship with Donghyuck was the longest you’ve experienced, but it was also the only one. Though you knew him well now, there was no way of knowing what he might be like in the coming years. 

“Besides, Donghyuck is a busy person,” Ahryun continued. “He has to balance his studies with all the clubs he’s in, and his internship. Telling him his girlfriend has anxiety would just add more stress to his life.”

Your friend’s words left a sting in your heart. But you found yourself agreeing with her. You knew—possibly better than anyone, how much he had on his plate lately. On top of all that, he managed to make time for you too. Maybe you were being too selfish.

“Yeah…I don’t know what I was thinking.” You brushed the conversation off. “Just forget I said anything.”

When you defeatedly went back to taking notes, you missed the satisfied smirk on your best friend’s face.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter three ~

Even though a few days had passed, that conversation with Ahryun kept replaying in your head. You felt like an ongoing battle was being fought internally. Your heart wanted to open up to Donghyuck. But your brain kept reminding you of Ahryun’s warnings. You hated yourself for overthinking things like this.

Your distraction left you a little dazed, and you found yourself zoning out throughout the day. In chemistry class, you made a conscious effort to push those bothersome thoughts aside. You listened attentively when the senior TA, Jaehyun explained today's lab procedures at the start of class.

Fortunately, you had Huang Renjun as your lab partner. He appeared to know what he was doing, a lot better than you did. At the beginning of the semester, the two of you were both a little shy and kept to yourselves. It wasn’t until you met him outside of class that you became more acquainted with the male. Coincidentally, Renjun turned out to be your boyfriend’s roommate and good friend. So the two of you naturally became closer after discovering this mutual connection.

“I think we’re almost finished.” Renjun’s gentle voice stole your attention away from the data table in front of you.

You tried to hold your pen steadily, watching him carefully mix the measured solutions into one beaker. Once he did, you quickly wrote down your observations in a lab journal. Thanks to Renjun, your experiment for the day ran pretty smoothly.

It wasn’t until after completing the lab that something went wrong. While Renjun was washing his hands, you took it upon yourself to return the supplies you guys used. The class was bustling around, cleaning up their stations. You gripped the slightly heavy tray in your hands tightly, trying to not let the crowded environment overwhelm you. 

Jaehyun, looking to offer some assistance, came up from behind you. “Do you need help (Y/n)—”

You jumped at the sudden sound of the TA’s deep voice, and the tray in your hands dropped onto the floor with a clang, shattering a beaker in the process. A not-so-nice word immediately shot into your mind thereafter. You could already feel the stares of other students and tried to ignore them. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you!” Jaehyun quickly apologized, seeming just as alarmed as you were. 

You shook your head with a faint smile, and instinctively bent down to clean up the broken pieces of glass. “N-no it’s my fault, Sunbae. I should’ve been more careful.”

Jaehyun took a step back when Renjun rushed to your side with an apprehensive expression.

“Wait (Y/n), don’t use your bare hands to clean that. You’re going to hurt yourself,” Renjun said, reaching his hand out to stop you.

It was only after you registered his warning that you caught sight of crimson spots on your lab coat. You glanced down to see the palm of her hand bleeding profusely from a small cut. The previous shard of the glass must’ve been sharper than you anticipated.

Renjun cursed when he saw. “Oh no, that looks bad.”

Your brain went into panic mode when he took your hand to examine it. In doing so, your sleeve was accidentally pushed up, revealing several faded pink lines just below your wrist. Immediately, you tried to pull your arm away. But the look of dismay in Renjun’s eyes told you it was too late.

Before you could say anything, Renjun’s hand delicately enclosed around your wrist so that no one else would see what he saw. He cleared his throat and turned to Jaehyun.

“Sunbae, is it okay if I take (Y/n) to the nurse’s office?”

Jaehyun’s eyes flickered between you and Renjun, then gave a brisk nod. “Yes, take her. Make sure (Y/n)’s hand is properly cleaned and bandaged.”

“Don’t worry Sunbae, I’ll take care of her.” Renjun bobbed his head. “Let’s go, (Y/n).”

As Renjun escorted you out of the room, your front teeth anxiously sank into your lower lip. Neither of you said anything on the walk to the nurse’s office. Renjun politely asked the nurse for a first-aid kit. After obtaining it, he brought you to a secluded area to tend to your cut.

The silence between you continued, as he meticulously wiped the blood from your palm with a damp cloth. You had to use a great amount of willpower to prevent yourself from flinching as he applied ointment to the cut and then proceeded to bandage it.

Your breathing quickened when you felt his hand come in contact with your wrist. It was evident that he wanted to investigate further into what he saw earlier.

“Renjun, please.” You put your hand over his. “You don’t want to see them.”

Renjun’s eyes brimmed with melancholy. He’s never heard your voice sound so…fragile. Actually, he wasn’t certain if anyone had seen this side of you.

“You can trust me, (Y/n). I just want to make sure you’re okay,” he spoke with reassurance. 

You withdrew for a moment, debating whether or not to let him see. After taking a deep breath, you slowly rolled up your sleeve, revealing the marks which varied in different shades of pink and white.

The composed expression on Renjun’s face contorted into one of shock, an expected reaction that failed to quell the fear coursing through your veins. His fingers brushed over the scars, as he inspected them with a non-judgemental gaze.

But his words were still laced with worry. “(Y/n) these are…”

“Please don’t tell Donghyuck,” You cut him off with a whisper. 

Renjun’s brows knit together. “He doesn’t know about this?”

“He can’t.” Your head shook hastily. “If he finds out, he’ll see the truth and realize how crazy I am. He’ll leave me.”

The look in Renjun’s eyes softened as he placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“Listen to me, (Y/n). I don’t know what you’re struggling with. But I know that Donghyuck would never leave you for something like this. He’ll want to help and support you.”

You let Renjun's encouragement sink into your head. Could it be true that Donghyuck wouldn’t judge if he found out this dark secret of yours? Or would it be wiser to pay attention to Ahryun’s advice, and keep it to yourself like you were used to?

“I…I just don’t know.” Your voice faltered.

Renjun gave you an understanding smile. “You should tell him when you’re ready.”

You let out a shaky breath, allowing the weight of the conversation to settle on your chest. A part of you wanted to believe Renjun was right about all of this. After a moment of silence, you glanced up and gestured to your wrapped-up hand.

“Thank you. I’m sorry you had to see all this,” you said, feeling a twinge of guilt.

Before you could add anything, Renjun embraced you in a warm hug, catching you off guard. His actions came as a surprise, given that he was typically the least physically affectionate person in your friend group.

“Don’t apologize. You’re my friend too, Kang (Y/n), and I’m here for you.”

You had to force yourself to look up at the bland ceiling to keep the tears at bay. But just as they began to prick the corner of your eyes, the sound of sneakers creaking against the floor stole your attention. Both of your heads turned to see a light-haired boy dashing down the hallway.

“Yah, Kang (Y/n)!” 

You sprang away from Renjun’s arms and checked to make sure your scars were concealed before standing up. Donghyuck’s sprint came to a stop and his eyes widened with panic as he saw your bandaged hand.

“I was so worried when Jaehyun Hyung told me what happened. Are you okay?” He moved towards you, immediately pulling you into his embrace. 

You released a small breath, surrendering to the comfort of Donghyuck's embrace. Even though you would never confess it, his hugs were always a source of warmth and tenderness that could soothe any pain. It was in moments like these when you cherished his comfort. Even if he didn’t know what was going on.

“It’s just a scratch, Hyuck. I’m sorry for worrying you,” You insisted, glancing at Renjun with a pleading look.

Renjun understood you were silently asking him not to say anything. Honestly, his care for your mental state made him not want to listen to you. But at the same time, he knew he had to respect your decisions. 

After a few moments, Donghyuck pulled away to gently place his hand over the left side of your face. His eyes searched yours momentarily, before dropping down to your right hand.

You held it up for him to see. “Renjun helped wrap it up for me. So I’ll be fine.”

The tension in Donghyuck’s shoulders lessened a bit. He gave his friend an appreciative smile. “Thanks for looking after her, Renjun-ah.”

“Anytime,” Renjun hummed. He grabbed his bag and closed the first aid kit. “I have to go return this. See you guys later, take care (Y/n).”

Once Renjun left, Donghyuck focused his attention back on you. He used the soft padding of his thumb to gently caress your cheek.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” He asked with a slight pout. 

You nodded and squeezed his hand reassuringly.  It was endearing to see how worried Donghyuck was for you, and almost sickeningly sweet. You weren’t even that injured, but he still ran out of class. His actions only made you feel more loved.

However, Renjun's words from earlier lingered in your mind, and you realized that Donghyuck was your safe haven in moments like these. Although Ahryun's words still weighed heavily on you, you knew you couldn't keep your secret from Donghyuck any longer. He cared for you deeply, and as your significant other, he deserved to know.

▃▃▃

Later that day, Donghyuck and you decided to head back to your apartment. After an hour of studying, he suggested getting some takeout and continuing the drama series you’ve both been hooked on. The two of you sat at the far end of the sofa, snuggling underneath a fluffy white blanket.

As you rested your head against your boyfriend’s chest, you had to admit that being in his arms felt especially comforting that night. With the events of the day still weighing on you, the steady rhythm of Donghyuck’s heartbeat provided a soothing backdrop and eased the tension in your body.

Toward the second half of the episode, the female lead got into a heated argument with her boyfriend. The tension had risen after she reluctantly revealed her ex had been engaging in abrasive behavior in a poor attempt to win her back. 

“How long has this been going on for?” The man looked at her with a betrayed expression.

The woman crossed her arms insecurely and replied hesitantly. “The past two months.”

“Why did you wait so long to say something?” He demanded, slamming his wine glass on the table.

“Because I knew you’d react like this!” She retorted, frustration flashing in her eyes. 

The man scoffed in disbelief, running his fingers through his hair. “That’s not good enough! You shouldn’t have kept this from me.”

A feeling of unease filled you, as you witnessed the man stand up and storm out of the restaurant. You subtly glanced up at Donghyuck, wondering what he thought about the scene.

“Do you think he was overreacting?” You asked softly. 

Donghyuck tilted his head slightly, “Yeah, a little. But I understand why he’s upset at her for hiding something like that.”

“Well, I think she just didn’t want to worry him.” Your voice trailed off.

“I get that,” He said. “But he’s her partner, and keeping secrets from one another will only hurt their relationship.

“What would you do if I was keeping a secret?” You questioned hypothetically. “Like if I didn’t say anything because I thought it might hurt you?”

Donghyuck paused for a moment before answering honestly. “I would be more hurt if you didn’t trust me enough to be truthful. It’s important that we share things, even if it may be hard to hear at times.”

Listening to your boyfriend’s thoughts only caused a small knot of apprehension to form in your stomach. 

“You wouldn’t judge me or abandon me if I confided in you then?” You hoped he couldn’t hear the timidity in your voice.

He brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear. The touch he left sent a tingling sensation down your spine. “Never. Whatever you’d be going through, I’d be by your side.”

You felt something catch in your throat as his sweet words sank in. When you first met, Donghyuck’s humorous behavior made you think he never took anything seriously. But talking to him now, you didn’t think you’d encountered a person who was more genuine than he was.

Taking his response as a confirmation to trust him, a rare feeling of determination consumed you. Reluctantly, you removed yourself from the comfort of Donghyuck’s arms and turn to face him.

“Actually Donghyuck, can I tell you something?”

A gentle concern filled the sun-kissed boy’s eyes as he sat up with you. His hand already reached out to grab your bandaged one, quelling the nerves that had quickly built up inside of you.

“Of course, Jagiya,” He responded patiently. “Whatever it is, I’m here to listen.”

You couldn’t think of a better moment to let Lee Donghyuck fully into your heart. The fear of what might or might not happen was not going to hold you back this time. He waited patiently, as you mentally pieced together what you were about to say. Your heart felt like it was about to jump out of your chest, but you tried to shake off the feeling. You haven’t been this nervous since the first time Donghyuck confessed to you.

After releasing a single deep breath, your lips parted to speak. “Hyuck there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you—”

However, your sentence was cut off by the sound of the front door being unlocked. Bursting through the door came your roommate, Yuna, her eyes wide with panic. Her ragged breathing made it evident she had rushed over here.

“Eonni, have you seen the latest post on UniYeon?” 

The mention of Yeonsung’s community site left you puzzled, your brows furrowing in bewilderment. You and your boyfriend exchanged looks of confusion.

“What are you talking about?” You tried to appear composed and unbothered by the disruption. When in reality, you were just trying to conceal the growing unease within you.

Yuna kicked off her sneakers before walking across the room. She pulled out her phone to show what she was referring to.

“I was studying in the library with my friends and some guys were talking about an article posted about you…” 

Donghyuck leaned in beside you to catch a glimpse. His actions prompted you to narrow your eyes in an attempt to decipher the tiny black Korean characters at the top of the screen. The headline read, Kang (Y/n) Spotted Holding Hands with Huang Renjun! 

You blinked a few times, wondering if you were hallucinating for a second. But the accusing words didn’t disappear. You tried to search for the name of the student who wrote this. But the post was anonymous. 

“What the hell?” Donghyuck hastily grabbed the phone. 

He scrolled down, revealing photos of you and Renjun in the hall earlier that day. The hall was usually empty, which made the situation look suspicious. The angles at which the photos were taken created an illusion that you were holding the boy’s hand as he knelt in front of you. When in reality, Renjun was only tending to the cut on your palm. 

“This is ridiculous. How can anyone believe this crap?” He scoffed. 

“Are you okay Eonni?” Your roommate’s voice was barely audible to you. An overwhelming feeling of dread was already beginning to consume you.

But you managed to plaster on a light-hearted smile. “It’s fine, Yuna. Thanks for letting me know.”

Yuna gave you an apologetic look as she accepted her phone back before excusing herself from the room. After she left, you reached for your laptop to pull up the article and stopped at the comment section. 

What an ungrateful b*tch! How dare she cheat on Lee Donghyuck?!

Omo, who does she think she is, going after her boyfriend’s close friend?

Aish, it’s always the sneaky quiet ones that are the devils in disguise.

Donghyuck put his hand over yours before you could scroll any further. Despite the anger simmering about the situation, he recognized the difficult position you were put in.

“Don’t listen to the garbage spewing out of their mouths.” He said firmly, closing the laptop. “We both know the truth, and that’s all that matters.”

“But still…I should’ve been more careful,” You muttered warily, running your fingers through your hair. 

He quickly reached to take your hand in his. “Hey, none of this is your fault, (Y/n)-ah. Don’t waste your energy on people who have nothing better to do than spread rumors.”

Your shoulders sank, taking in his words. His response was so natural and confident, leaving you in awe by how he didn’t place any blame on you. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” You return to your previous cuddling position and rest your head on his chest.

You felt the boy smile as his arms encircled your waist. “Oh, right. Weren’t you going to tell me something?”

Your mind raced back to what the two of you were talking about earlier. Hesitation filled you, and that small bout of courage you had was gone. 

“Oh—um, it can wait,” You brushed him off.

Donghyuck noticed your gaze shift downward, and he was about to encourage you to just tell him whatever it was right then. But then you snuggled closer to him, gently squeezing his waist.

“I just want to stay like this for a little longer,” You murmured into his t-shirt, trying to push away all the bad thoughts.

His heart quickened, and he couldn’t stop the stupid grin that formed. He wondered how someone could possibly be this adorable. While a part of him was still curious about what you were saying earlier, he was content with having you in his arms for now.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter four ~

Ahryun glanced at her reflection on her phone screen anticipatingly, as she stood under the camellia tree at the heart of the campus. Earlier this morning, Donghyuck asked if they could meet up. Receiving a text from the popular male was enough to make her heart skip a beat. Her mind instantly overflowed with all the possible reasons why he asked to meet her. Fortunately, she didn’t have to wait long, as he showed up in his favorite blue drawstring hoodie and a pair of black ripped jeans.

“Hey, thanks for responding so fast.” He quickly greeted her.

“Of course. What did you want to talk to me about?” She asked sweetly. 

Donghyuck was too distracted to notice the dreamy smile that graced Ahryun’s lips. He wasted no time in getting to the point. “It’s just…(Y/n). You saw the post yesterday, right?”

“I did,” Ahryun slowly answered. Her smile faded as a tinge of disappointment quickly clouded her previously optimistic disposition. 

“People have been making a lot of stupid comments,” he male shook his head. “And even though she might pretend to be okay, I know this is affecting her. So I wanted to ask if you could keep her occupied?”

“Keep her occupied?”

Donghyuck’s eyes fell to the ground, before nodding. “I wish I could be with her, but my internship is today. And I thought since you’re her best friend, you could try to distract her from looking at her phone too much?”

Ahryun inhaled, trying to suppress her outrage. She should’ve known he would bring up her. What was so great about you that made Donghyuck feel like he needed to protect you from the real world? 

Holding back the urge to scoff, Ahryun masked her emotions behind a forced smile.

“Silly, I was already planning to take her out today,” She said. “But I would’ve done so even if you didn’t ask me to.”

The boy in front of her visibly relaxed, a look of relief washing over his face. “Yeokshi, Min Ahryun. I knew I could count on you.”

Her heart fluttered when he gave her an appreciative smile. He certainly wasn’t one of Yeonsung’s prince charmings for no reason. 

Donghyuck checked his watch and let out a soft curse under his breath. “I gotta go. My class starts in 11 minutes.”

Ahryun nodded understandingly before holding her hand out to stop him from leaving.

“Honestly, I’ve been worried about (Y/n) too, and not just because of the community post,” She admitted.

He turned to her with a confused look and waited for her to continue. She hesitated briefly before speaking up.

“She got diagnosed with anxiety last year. But I’m sure you already knew, right?”

His heart instantly sank to his stomach upon this revelation. A part of him wanted to believe Ahryun was joking. But you had been acting strange yesterday. Was this what you were trying to tell him about?

Ahryun fought back a sly grin, finding it hard to contain her amusement at his dismay. She pretended to be shocked with a feigned gasp. “Oh my, she probably didn’t want you to find out. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Anxiety? She didn’t…she never said…” 

Your friend grabbed his wrist in panic. "Please, Donghyuck-ah, you can't let her know that I told you. It's a sensitive topic for her, and she must have hidden it from you for a reason."

Based on the dumbfounded expression on his face, it was evident that the boy was rendered speechless. Ahryun had achieved the exact reaction she wanted. Donghyuck would never see you as that sweet and shy girl anymore. You resembled a fragile Jenga tower, seemingly growing taller. But it would only take a single block for you to collapse.

▃▃▃

You had thought about skipping class today. However, the rational part of your brain that wouldn’t allow anything to disrupt your academic focus, screamed a resounding “no” to you. Donghyuck offered to walk you to class, not wanting you to go alone. But you kindly declined, knowing his class was on the opposite side of campus. You weren’t going to trouble him with the extra distance.

However, the regret of that decision slowly crept up on you as soon as you set foot on campus. You didn't know what part of you believed you could handle the relentless gazes and barely restrained whispers all by yourself. Each passing minute in class felt like an eternity, with lingering glances directed your way. You felt as though you were under a microscope, a new specimen being scrutinized.

You released a quiet sigh, redirecting your focus to the professor's lecture. Aware that this was your last class for the day, you reminded yourself that enduring it for a mere fifty minutes was manageable. 

However, by the time the lecture was over, you had barely taken five steps when the buzzing of your phone disrupted your escape plan. Letting out a small sigh, you reached into your bag to take out the cellular device. The notification turned out to be a text from Ahryun four minutes ago. She had sent a message asking if you were out of class and wanted to meet up after.

On any other occasion, you would have readily agreed. But in that particular moment, all you wanted to do was retreat to the comfort of your apartment. You began to type a polite decline to her, as you made your way out of class. Coincidentally, the male you were currently caught up in a scandal with, approached you. 

“Hey, can we talk for a second?” He spoke in a hushed tone.

You mentally groaned at the icy reception students gave when they saw the two of you in the same place. Although you were pretty sure you were the one they were rolling their eyes at. Renjun shot a condescending glare at anyone who looked for too long.

After moving outside, Renjun let out a heavy sigh. “I’m really sorry about this, (Y/n). It’s unbelievable that someone would take photos of us like that.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” You replied with a faint smile. “Remember the threats I received when Donghyuck and I first started dating? I should be used to this by now.”

Your boyfriend’s roommate glanced at you with a mixture of concern and frustration in his eyes. “But that doesn’t make it right. Especially when it comes to invading your privacy and spreading rumors,” He deadpanned. 

You didn't anticipate Renjun being just as furious as Donghyuck about the situation. It warmed your heart to know that you had people in your life who cared deeply for you and were ready to stand up for you. It made you wish you could be as strong-minded as them.

Just as you were about to respond, your conversation was abruptly cut short. 

"There you are, Kang (Y/n). I've been looking for you!" You turned towards Ahryun, who was swiftly making her way down the hallway towards you and Renjun.

“Oh sorry. I was just about to answer your text,” You said sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck. 

A look of understanding flashed in her eyes before she noticed Renjun standing beside you. She warily gestured between the two of you with her finger. “Won’t it be suspicious if people see you together right now? Unless you guys are actually…”

“No, it’s not like that,” You stopped her from finishing her sentence, your brows furrowing in puzzlement. Did she seriously believe that you and Renjun would go behind Donghyuck’s back like that?

Renjun promptly came to your defense. “Yeah, I was just checking if (Y/n) was alright.”

The slightest trace of irritation could be heard in his voice as if he felt no need to provide Ahryun with an explanation when nothing was going on.

In response, Ahryun chuckled and playfully tapped you on the arm. "Wow, you two got so serious all of a sudden. I was just teasing," she said with a lighthearted tone.

You breathed a small sigh of relief, silently reprimanding yourself for entertaining the thought that your closest friend would think so low of you. 

 “I was thinking we should go see a movie today,” She said, linking her arm through yours. 

To which you responded with a hesitant expression, contemplating the idea. “I don’t know…I kind of just want to go home.”

“Oh come on, going out on a day like this will help take your mind off things,” Ahryun persisted. “You can join us if you’d like Renjun-ssi.”

Renjun declined with a polite smile, “Thanks, but I’m supposed to meet up with my group for a project this evening. You guys have fun though.”

You nodded understandingly, giving a friendly wave to Renjun before Ahryun took the lead, guiding you away.

▃▃▃

You zoned out during the movie, barely noticing when it reached its conclusion. Your mind seemed elsewhere, and you were only vaguely aware of the film coming to an end. Ahryun went to get a refill on her drink, while you waited for her near the entrance doors.

“(Y/n)?” A voice called out, capturing your attention. As you turned, your gaze fell upon a boy wearing a black hoodie adorned with a charming cat design. He was holding a half eaten bucket of popcorn.

“Oh hi, Jeno. What are you doing here?”

Jeno approached you with a friendly smile in return. “Jaemin dragged me here to watch this action movie with him. How about you?”

“I came here with Ahryun,” You replied. Jeno nodded in acknowledgment.

“How are you and Donghyuck?” He asked. “I heard you two recently celebrated your 200-day anniversary.”

You couldn't help but blush at the mention of such a seemingly trivial milestone. “It’s not that big of a deal,” You said, lowering your gaze.

“Well, I’d say reaching day 200 with Lee Donghyuck is quite an achievement. His relationships in high school barely made it past 20 days,” Jeno teasingly remarked, earning a laugh from you.

Jeno laughed along with you before adding, “But seriously, Donghyuck is lucky to have you. You guys have something special.” 

His words carried a genuine warmth, which you appreciated. It surprised you every time when one of Donghyuck’s friends showed genuine acceptance toward you. They had been so quick to welcome you into their friend group when you two first started dating.

“Thanks, Jeno,” you said, hoping he could feel the sincerity in your words. 

Why should you care about the opinions of others when you had all the encouragement you needed? The unwavering support from Donghyuck's friends and the strength of your bond with him made any external judgments or remarks seem insignificant.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter five ~

"Okay, you have got to be kidding me," you groaned in frustration as you glanced at your phone. 

The sight that greeted you was a series of pictures of you and Jeno from the other day, and now the online community site was blowing up with speculation. The comments were even worse than the last time. Before you could go down a rabbit hole of scrolling, Donghyuck swiftly snatched your phone out of your grasp.

“Hyuck,” you softly protested, extending your hand to retrieve your phone back. But he pulled his arm back, keeping the device out of reach.

“Nope.” He shook his head. “I’m confiscating this for today.”

“But–”

Donghyuck placed a quick peck on your lips before you could finish that sentence. “You shouldn’t care about what they think, babe.”

He glanced back at the article with an annoyed sigh. He didn’t understand why people were going after you. Couldn’t they just leave your relationship alone?

“Are you alright, though?” He asked, placing a hand over yours.

You nodded, “Of course I am.”

Of course, you were lying. The recent posts and the increased gossip bothered you more than they should. A part of you blamed yourself for all this happening. But you couldn’t tell Donghyuck that. Worrying him wasn’t going to make things better.

“Well if you are struggling, you can tell me okay?” He gave your hand a gentle squeeze.

For some reason, you sensed a subtle undercurrent of concern in his words. But you brushed it off as your tendency to overthink things, convincing yourself it was nothing.

Later that day, you were hanging out at Ahryun’s apartment. You lay flat on the floor in her bedroom, staring up at the ceiling while countless thoughts swam in your head. 

“I just don’t understand why this keeps happening,” you sighed, venting your frustrations. “It’s like no matter where I go, someone is watching.”

Ahryun cast a glance back at you through her vanity mirror. "Someone must really not want you two together.”

“You think?” You frowned. 

A lot of people didn’t like you being with Donghyuck. But whoever kept posting photos of you on the community site was clearly targeting you, leaving you apprehensive about the situation.

“Well I’m sure there are plenty of girls who find it difficult to accept you and Donghyuck being together,” Ahryun spoke nonchalantly, as she picked out a pink lip tint to wear. “They just can’t stand the fact that the popular and charming Lee Donghyuck is with someone so different.”

You pondered whether you truly were that different as Ahryun said. Sure, you might not come from a privileged background or possess the most striking physical appearance. You were ordinary, just like everyone else. What was so wrong about that?

“But seriously, you shouldn’t let it bother you (Y/n). There will always be people who will hate on you,” Ahryun said.

“Yeah you’re right…”

She did have a valid point. As long as you remained a college student navigating a judgmental society, criticism would inevitably be a part of your experience. Dwelling on it wasn’t going to get you anywhere.

Letting out a sigh, you sat up and directed your gaze towards the clock on Ahryun's nightstand, realizing the time.

"Hey, can I borrow your phone for a moment?" you asked, breaking the silence. "I should message Donghyuck to let him know I'm here."

"Of course," Ahryun smiled warmly, extending her hand to pass you the device.

Mouthing a quick thank-you, you received Ahryun's phone and swiftly began searching for your boyfriend's contact information. Just as you located his number, a notification popped up, drawing your attention. Your curiosity piqued, you briefly glanced at the preview, which read: "Someone commented on your post, 'Kang (Y/n) Seen Out with Lee Jeno at the Movies'." Having a weird feeling, you clicked on the notification, leading you to the UniYeon app. Scrolling up, your disbelief grew as you discovered that Ahryun…was the owner of the post

Overwhelmed, you decided to investigate further and opened her photo gallery. To your astonishment, you discovered numerous pictures of you and Renjun, followed by images of you and Jeno. 

No, you couldn’t fathom this. Ahryun was your closest friend. She was someone you trusted wholeheartedly. She would never…

"Ahryun... what is all this?" you asked, confusion evident in your voice. A part of you desperately hoped that none of this could be true.

Ahryun spun around in her chair and met the look of betrayal in your eyes. She cursed when she saw you had the post open on her phone.

"(Y/n), I can explain—," she began. 

You stepped back, unable to fully comprehend the situation. "Wait, so it was you all along? Why…" 

Ahryun turned away, averting her gaze for a moment. Amid the tense silence, you caught the faint sound of a laugh slipping out from her lips.

“You know, you’re really pathetic Kang (Y/n),” She sneered, her words cutting through the air with a sharp edge. “Yes, it was me.”

You were startled by the sudden change in your best friend’s demeanor. “Why would you do that? The whole school is talking crap about me because of those posts.”

Ahryun fixed her gaze upon you, her expression lacked any remorse. There was an unsettling absence of any regret in her eyes, almost as if she were relieved to be exposed in this way. It was as if she had been waiting for the moment to discard the pretense of caring about you.

“Because I’ve liked Donghyuck long before you did,” she confessed. “I got tired of seeing you with him.”

Her resentful words revealed the depth of her hidden emotions. Your heart sank further, as you processed things. The revelation hit you like a tidal wave, making sense of Ahryun’s actions. 

“So you wanted to sabotage me?” You shook your head in disbelief. “Why…we’ve been friends for so long.”

A smirk tugged at the corners of Ahryun's lips, her eyes gleaming with a hint of cruel satisfaction as she observed the wavering in your voice. Witnessing you in such a vulnerable state, after so long, seemed to gratify her.

“No matter how many times I thought about it, I just don’t get why he had to be with you, of all girls,” she said bitterly. 

You took a deep breath, trying to process the magnitude of Ahryun’s actions. Seeing this new side of her left you questioning the authenticity of your friendship. Doubt crept in, as you considered the possibility that she had been pretending to be your friend this whole time.

“So you thought going behind my back and spreading false information about me would make us break up?”

"We both know how fragile you can be," Ahryun said slowly, her words carrying a calculated edge. "Like you were in high school."

The implication of her statement cut deep, resurrecting memories of past vulnerabilities. It felt as if she was exploiting your past struggles to justify her actions, further fueling the hurt and confusion that consumed you.

Before you could counter her words, Ahryun forcefully took hold of your arm. You gasped when she yanked your sleeves up, exposing the scars that held too many painful memories.

“Just remember that if he sees these hideous scars,” She threatened. “And when he does, he’ll see how broken you are. Nobody wants someone who is mentally unstable.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, as you’ve never felt more defenseless. She was using your past struggles as a weapon to tear you apart. Then to further sting to her words, she placed her hand on your shoulder as a twisted display of false comfort.

“If you can’t handle the facts, maybe you guys shouldn’t be together,” She said.

You stood up, gripping your bag tightly, and met her icy glare.

“Donghyuck isn't who you think he is,” you managed to say, your voice quivering. “He loves me, and nothing you say or do will ever change that.”

With a heavy heart, you turned away, a rush of long-forgotten emotions flooding through you. You didn’t bother to stop the tears from falling as you walked away. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, you could already sense yourself slipping back into the depths of a dark place you hadn't visited since your teenage years.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter six ~

A week had passed since your fallout with Ahryun, and you were doing your best to not let things get to you. But it was hard not to. You spent sleepless nights thinking about how things went wrong, and the subtle indications you failed to notice. Like her evident intrigue whenever you spoke about him, or the way her eyes lit up whenever his name was mentioned. 

Nevertheless, you buried yourself in your schoolwork in hopes to tune out everything that was happening. Donghyuck noticed you seemed more withdrawn lately. You could see the concern in him growing, but you insisted that everything was fine.

One day you were on your way to meet Donghyuck after his class and stopped in the cafeteria to buy drinks for the both of you. You were inserting a dollar bill into the vending machine when a group of girls approached you unexpectedly. Their focused glares at you were filled with disdain and judgment.

“Look at that, it’s Kang (Y/n) the cheater.” one of the girls said, her voice dripping with hostility. “First it was Huang Renjun, and then Lee Jeno. Who’s next, Na Jaemin?”

You shrank back slightly, clenching your fists as you fought to maintain your composure. Despite them being three harmless girls, any sort of conflict easily intimidated you. Your heart raced, and a surge of anxiety threatened to overwhelm you, but you were determined to stand your ground.

 “Please, you don’t know anything,” you said, your voice firm and steady. “So stay out of it.”

“You see, no one believes that quiet nice girl facade you try to uphold,” the girl beside the first one, scowled. “If you’re smart, you’d break up with him. I’m sure you’re aware that you don’t deserve him.”

You tried to not show them how their words pierced through you like a needle. The hate comments were bad enough. But being confronted in person made the situation ten times scarier.

Determined to not succumb to their empty threats, you grabbed the beverages from the vending machine and made the move to leave. But before you could escape their presence, the third girl twisted the cap off her soda bottle and spilled it on you. In mere seconds your clothes were drenched in the sticky liquid.

“Oops, my bad,” she laughed mockingly. 

A wave of humiliation crashed over you, as you felt the weight of the stares and the whispers echoing through the cafeteria. Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted Ahryun standing from a distance, watching in amusement. Was this all some twisted joke to her?

Back in high school, she was the only one who defended you. Now knowing her support and loyalty had been fake, made the sight of her standing idly by more painful.

Just as you were ready to break down, a voice yelled from behind you.

“Yah, what the hell do you think you’re doing to her?”

Turning your gaze, you saw Donghyuck storming into the cafeteria. His eyes were blazing with anger. 

“Hyuck—” You tried to stop him before he could make the situation worse. But he was too angry to listen.

“You think it’s acceptable to gang up on someone based on false information?” His eyes glowered intensely. “You have no right to harass her or make judgments without knowing the whole truth.”

The cafeteria fell into an uneasy silence, the whispers fading into the background as his words reverberated through the space. The girls who had targeted you were momentarily taken aback by Donghyuck's unyielding defense, their expressions shifting from arrogance to uncertainty.

Deciding he had enough of this, Donghyuck firmly grasped your hand and guided you away from the prying eyes and tense atmosphere. He let out a sigh of concern as his gaze fell upon the stained fabric of your shirt, prompting him to remove his hoodie and put it on you.

“I’m so sorry (Y/n),” he mumbled, even though he wasn’t the one who should be apologizing. “Are you okay?”

You shook your head. “I’m fine, Hyuck. Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure though?” he asked, extending his hand towards you.

But you took a step back, feeling frustrated. “Yes, I already told you. I’m fine.”

“(Y/n)—”

“I just… I just want to be alone right now, okay?” You placed the drink you bought in his hands and walked past him.

Later that night, you found yourself once again unable to fall asleep. It felt like the troublesome thoughts in your head were slowly killing you, weighing heavily on your conscience. The weight of self-blame consumed you, as you couldn't help but think that all of this was your fault. It’s been so long since you felt this way, completely worthless. You didn’t deserve to have someone as sweet as Donghyuck in your life. 

Without thinking much, you sluggishly sat down in your desk chair and absentmindedly opened the drawer. Inside lay an old friend you hadn't laid eyes on in ages. Ignoring the creeping sense of dread, you lifted the gleaming box cutter from the drawer.

Holding your breath, you tightly gripped the handle and pulled up your sleeve. You barely felt it when the cold blade punctured your flesh, tracing a diagonal line across your pale skin. Tears streamed down your cheek as you repeated the same incisions, mirroring the first one. The sensation of hot blood seeping out became palpable with each new cut.

You honestly didn't know how you would react if Donghyuck were to witness you in this state. The fear of him discovering the depth of your brokenness was more terrifying than the fresh scars that adorned your skin. Perhaps Ahryun was right, maybe you couldn’t handle this.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter seven ~

You kept your gaze locked on the steaming cup of hot chocolate, anxiously waiting for the arrival of your boyfriend. He rushed into the café with an apologetic smile, as he sat down in the empty chair across from you.

“Sorry, I’m late. Renjun needed my help with something,” he said.

In response, you slid the other drink in his direction with an understanding smile. “I got your usual.”

"You are the best," he praised, lifting the cup of coffee to his lips for a sip.

You listened quietly as he shared about how busy he’s been lately with school and his internship. However, the gnawing sensation in your stomach kept you from fully focusing on the conversation.

“Oh, right!” Donghyuck’s eyes lit up as if a light bulb suddenly went off in his brain. “Your birthday is coming up, babe. What do you want to do?”

It was at that moment, you recognized the pressing need to speak up before your courage slipped away.

“Donghyuck…there’s something I have to say,” you spoke cautiously. 

The confusion in his eyes, when you used his full name, was almost unbearable for you to see. But he waited expectantly to hear whatever you were about to say. The fact that he was oblivious to the reason you asked him to meet you here made you feel nauseated. You were aware that you couldn't continue to tiptoe around the issue for much longer.

Taking a deep breath, you locked eyes with him once more. Without allowing any room for hesitation, you uttered the next three words with unwavering determination.

"Let’s break up.”

You witnessed his face falter, a stunned look settling in as he struggled to comprehend the gravity of the situation.

“(Y/n)...what are you saying?” he chuckled half-heartedly. “You’re not being serious, right?”

Biting down on your lip, you used the explanation you had carefully prepared. “I realized that I can’t do this whole campus couple thing anymore. It feels suffocating, like every moment we spend together, people are watching and waiting to criticize me for something."

“I…I had no idea you felt that way,” Donghyuck swallowed, his voice tinged with surprise at your confession. “But (Y/n), we can work through this. I promise—”

“No, we can’t,” you deadpanned. “You should find someone better than me.”

You’ve never despised yourself more than you did in this moment. The hurt in his eyes reflected your own, a stark reminder that you were the source of his new pain.

In dismay, Donghyuck reached for your hand in desperation. “(Y/n) please, don’t do this.”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve already made up my mind,” your voice trembled with a mix of despondence and resignation.

Slowly you reached behind your neck and unclasped the necklace he gave you a while ago. Holding back tears, you delicately placed the shimmering moon pendant in his hand. Returning this symbol of your connection was far more heart-wrenching than you had anticipated.

The weight of the decision pressing on your shoulders, you gathered your belongings and rose from your seat, your determination masking the cracks in your resolve. The distant echoes of his anguished voice calling after you tugged at your heart, but you ignored them. With quickened steps, you hastened out of the café, your eyes fixed on the path ahead, knowing that if you allowed yourself even a moment of hesitation, you’d give into your selfish emotions.

You never cried so hard in your life as you did that evening when you returned to your apartment. You had just pushed away the one person who had brought so much joy into your once gloomy life. But as long as your mind continued to waver, you understood the importance of keeping everyone at a distance was safer.

Even though it meant bringing an end to a love that was incredibly precious to you, deep down, you told yourself that things were better this way.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter eight ~

The next month following your breakup, felt like a self-imposed prison sentence. As the days blurred together, you had become a shadow of your former self. With the absence of your best friend and boyfriend, you found solace in isolation, confining yourself to the four walls of your apartment. It felt as if you were bound to your living space, only leaving to attend classes or go to your part-time job at the library.

The mere thought of encountering Donghyuck outside filled you with an overwhelming sense of unease, making it unbearable to step foot beyond the safety of your apartment. The idea of facing him, of seeing the pain reflected in his eyes or the awkwardness that would surely follow, was something you couldn't bring yourself to confront.

With your mental state continuing to deteriorate, you found yourself falling back into old habits. The blade in your drawer became the sinister companion you turned to when the emotional pain became too much. At some point, you stopped feeling anything as you wiped the crimson trails that traced down your arm.

Despite the tireless efforts of several friends, their attempts to reach out to you were met with distant silence and evasive responses. Renjun had repeatedly urged you to call him if you wanted to talk, while Jeno and Jaemin tried their best to cheer you up. However, their kind gestures only served to make your heartache worse. You knew that they were deeply concerned for both you and Donghyuck. 

Secretly, you harbored the hope that the breakup wasn’t affecting Donghyuck just as deeply as it was for you. In a bittersweet twist, now that he was no longer tied to you, all you wanted was for him to move on swiftly and find happiness without you.

On a Friday night, Jaemin had made his way to your apartment. He sat with you on the couch, saddened by your withdrawn state. The toll of your emotional turmoil was evident in your appearance. 

You had forsaken the delicate hues of your wardrobe, the creamy whites and light blues that once adorned your form, for a monochrome palette of darkness. Your complexion had lost its natural radiance, leaving your skin pale and lacking its usual vitality. Dark circles had etched their mark under your weary eyes, evidence of the sleepless nights and internal struggles you had endured.

“Come with me to the spring festival,” Jaemin suggested. “It’s your favorite event of the school year.”

You looked up at him with a weak smile, your eyes reflecting a mix of gratitude and despair. Subconsciously, you tugged down on the ends of your sleeves, afraid your scars might show. 

“I’m sorry Jaemin. But I really can’t...right now,” you mumbled. “It wouldn’t be right for me to go out and have fun.”

Jaemin’s expression filled with genuine concern, as he reached to put his hand on your shoulder. “Don’t say that (Y/n),” he said softly, his voice laced with empathy. “I understand that you’re having just as much of a hard time as Donghyuck is right now. But shutting yourself out from the rest of the world isn’t healthy. You know he wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

The mention of his name was enough to cause your lip to quiver. You raised a trembling hand to press against your watery eyes. 

Shaking your head, you lamented, “No, I don’t deserve your kindness or anyone else’s. I’m a terrible person. You don’t even know, Jaemin.”

It hurt Jaemin to see his friend so distraught. While he had a faint understanding of your tendency to self-criticize, he didn’t think you’d be this harsh on yourself. He had a hunch that you didn't truly desire to end things with Donghyuck.

You cried into Jaemin’s shoulder a bit, feeling oddly better after letting out some of your emotions. Once you calmed down, Jaemin tried to convince you again about the spring festival.

“Come on, it’ll be good for you to step outside for a bit,” He insisted. “You don’t even have to stay that long. If you’re not feeling it, I’ll bring you back here.”

Just the thought of stepping into a crowd after the recent events sent a shiver down your spine. But Jaemin’s unwavering support and effort to help you reclaim some sort of normalcy, made you feel guilty. Deep down, you knew you couldn’t keep hiding forever. Maybe, just maybe, you could go out this once for a little distraction.

With a hesitant nod, you gathered the strength to pull yourself off the couch. “Okay, Jaemin. I’ll try, but no promises.”

Jaemin jumped up with excitement, his face lighting up as he urged you to the door. Once you arrived at the festival, you were greeted by the enchanting glow of the hung-up lanterns and spring-themed music playing in the background. The sight of cherry blossom petals dancing in the air reminded you of why you liked the festival so much in the first place.

“Kang (Y/n), you made it!” Renjun waved to you from one of the booths. Jeno stood beside him and gave you a kind smile.

Seeing familiar faces reignited a small flicker of joy you haven’t experienced in a while. Gradually, you allowed yourself to be swept away by the night. You let the guys guide you through the vibrant booths, adorned by colorful decorations. The air was filled with the aroma of sizzling fishcakes and the subtle fragrance of peach-flavored soju. You made a conscious effort to ignore the icy stares that people directed toward you.

Amidst the bustle of the festivities, your eyes caught a glimpse of a certain two people seated on one of the benches. Donghyuck appeared to be slightly drunk, and Ahryun was sitting right beside him. Ignoring any feelings of unease, you discreetly walked closer to where they were. 

“I miss her so much. Nothing feels the same anymore without her,” Donghyuck blubbered. “I should’ve been there for her more and realized she was hurting.”

Ahryun reached out to tenderly hold his hand. “It’s not your fault, Donghyuck. (Y/n) made her own choices, and you shouldn’t be miserable because of her.”

She paused before gathering the courage to continue. “You know, I’ve liked you for some time now Donghyuck-ah.”

The boy’s expression shifted, caught off guard by Ahryun’s abrupt confession. He might be a little intoxicated, but his senses were still intact.

“I know how it sounds. But I liked you long before (Y/n) did,” Ahryun persisted. “And since you guys broke up I thought…”

“So what, you thought you could step in and replace (Y/n)? Is that it?” He started to question her intentions.

Ahryun’s eyes cried out with desperation. “I…I could be better for you than she was, Donghyuck. (Y/n) was just weak, unable to handle the challenges of being in a relationship.”

Donghyuck's eyes hardened, his protective instincts kicking in. "Aren't you her friend?" he asked. "Why are you talking about her like that?"

Ahryun's desperation heightened as she felt her chance slipping away. Ignoring his question, she leaned in closer, her voice now a seductive whisper. With a determined grip on his jacket collar, she tried to pull him closer to her.

"Donghyuck, if you just let me," Ahryun murmured, her voice filled with an unsettling mixture of desire and urgency.

That was when you reached your breaking point. The sight of Donghyuck and Ahryun, coupled with the flood of conflicting emotions inside you, became too overwhelming to bear. Slowly, you began to backtrack, stepping away from the scene that brought you so much pain. Each step felt heavier than the last as if the weight of your emotions was pulling you down. You turned in the opposite direction, determined to leave it all behind.

Just as you left the scene, Ahryun leaned closer to kiss Donghyuck. You missed seeing him push her away in outrage. He quickly stood up from the bench, his face contorted with anger and disappointment.

"Are you kidding me right now?" he exclaimed, his voice filled with disbelief. He locked his gaze with Ahryun, his eyes burning with a mix of frustration and disgust.

"Kang (Y/n) is the person for me," he declared firmly. "Not you or anyone else."

He left Ahryun feeling torn, with not even the slightest bit of sympathy. However, his path was interrupted when he spotted Jaemin standing nearby, his face filled with panic.

"Hold on, Hyuck," Jaemin spoke urgently, his voice quivering. "You need to know that (Y/n) saw Ahryun try to kiss you. She... she didn't look too good.”

Donghyuck took a step back, his heart sinking, and let out a frustrated curse. As if his night couldn't get any worse. "Where did she go?" he asked Jaemin, his voice tinged with worry. 

As soon as Jaemin pointed him in the right direction, Donghyuck swiftly turned and hurried in the path you had taken. His heart raced as he desperately tried to catch up to you.

"(Y/n), wait!" he called after you.

Your body tensed at the sound of his voice and you froze in your tracks. The last thing you wanted was to see him right now. But Donghyuck wasn’t going to let you slip away so easily.

He approached you, his breath coming out in labored gasps. “Please, can we just talk?”

The pleading tone in his voice was what caused you to give in. Cautiously, you turned around to face him.

“What is it?” You were almost afraid to ask.

“Did you…did you know that Ahryun liked me?” He asked in disbelief. “Is that why you broke up with me?”

You looked at him, feeling lost and unsure of how to respond. Donghyuck sighed, closing the distance between you, his eyes filled with sincerity.

"(Y/n), I would have never gone to her. I never had any intentions of moving on or being with anyone else," he said earnestly. “You know that, right?”

There was a part of you that felt a glimmer of gratitude, knowing that Donghyuck still held feelings for you. It puzzled you how he could be so sweet, especially when you were the one who hurt him.

Feeling overwhelmed by your own guilt, you took a step back, distancing yourself from Donghyuck. Your voice trembled with a mixture of emotions as you spoke.

"Why are you being so kind to me? You should hate me.”

His eyes glistened with tears. “I could never hate you, Kang (Y/n). Please don’t think you’re unworthy of kindness or love.”

You felt a surge of frustration welling up inside you, pushing back against his words.

“No, I’m not,” You snapped. 

Whatever had transpired between him and Ahryun didn’t matter. Despite Donghyuck’s reassurances, you still clung to the belief that you were damaged and broken. If he knew about your past, if he saw the scars beneath your sweater, he would never be able to love you.

Mumbling a quiet apology, you pushed past him, your mind clouded with self-doubt and regret. The weight of the evening bore down on your shoulders, and you couldn't help but blame yourself for stepping out into the world once again. Going to the festival now felt like a mistake, amplifying your insecurities and highlighting your perceived inadequacies.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ chapter nine ~ 

Ahryun seethed with anger and resentment as she refused to accept Donghyuck's rejection. In her mind, she saw you as the sole obstacle standing between her and the possibility of being with him. The rejection fueled her bitterness and the desire for revenge brewed within her. All she yearned for was to witness you suffer once more, to see you hurt as deeply as she believed she had been hurt. It was time for people to see you for who you truly were.

The morning sunlight painted a gentle glow across the campus as you arrived for your poetry class the day after the festival. However, as you walked by, you noticed a peculiar shift in the way people looked at you as they passed by. Whispers filled the air, and bewildered gazes followed your every step. You wondered if Ahryun posted another rumor about you again. Had she secretly captured photos of you and Jaemin this time?

Feeling paranoid, you paused to take out your phone and quickly navigated the UniYeon site. As the page loaded, the color drained from your face when you were greeted by the headline post. 

“‘Kang (Y/n)’s Horrific Past Exposed,’” someone read aloud as they scrolled through the article on her phone. The person walking with them peered over the person’s shoulder to get a better look. 

“Wah, did she actually try to kill herself?”

No, no, no, this couldn't be happening. With trembling fingers, you clicked on the post, your heart pounding. As you scanned the text, it mercilessly revealed all the painful details about your past suicide attempt in high school. The weight of each word intensified your feelings of shame and vulnerability. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, there it was—the video capturing the haunting moment you ran into traffic, displayed at the bottom of the article.

You felt like you were reliving your trauma in high school, all over again. The piercing stares from those around you felt like a repeat performance, a mix of pity and judgment intertwined. There was only one other person in this university who knew about this incident. Min Ahryun.

Now the whole university was aware of what kind of person you were. Which meant that he knew too. Suddenly, the thought of attending your poetry class faded into the background. Overwhelmed with panic, your feet instinctively moved in reverse, and urged you to retreat.

▃▃▃

The second Donghyuck saw the UniYeon post, he abandoned everything else and set out to look for you. He sprinted to the location of your class, only to discover that you weren’t there. Panic consumed him as he realized that you must have left the campus.

Reading the post was emotionally excruciating for him. He couldn't fathom the depths of your anxiety and the overwhelming pain you must have experienced during that dark period. This had to be what you were trying to tell him that one night after you had cut your hand. He was angry with himself, thinking about how you have been suffering alone in silence this whole time.

“(Y/n)!” He pressed the doorbell, once he got to your apartment unit. When you didn’t come to the door, Donghyuck punched in the passcode to your door and let himself in.

You weren’t in the living room or the kitchen. So he darted over to your bedroom and was met with a closed door. He banged on it anxiously, calling out your name.

“Please, (Y/n),” He pleaded desperately. “Let me in.”

The sound of his voice barely registered, as you tried to collect yourself. It felt like all your fears were coming true. You just wanted all of it to go away.

Somehow, Donghyuck managed to break open the lock on your door forcefully and rushed into the room. The sight of you slumped on the floor, tears staining your cheeks, shattered him inside.

Donghyuck approached you carefully, kneeling before you. “(Y/n)...”

“You saw it, didn’t you?” 

He nodded silently in response and tried to take your hand. But when you flinched in response to his touch, a look of suspicion crossed his face. His eyes searched yours, trying to understand the reason behind your reaction.

That’s when he glanced down and noticed the splotch of blood on your hand. His worry deepened, as he started to wonder about the desperate measures you had taken to deal with your pain.

Without saying anything, he reached again for your arm. You didn’t say anything this time and looked away when you felt your sleeve being rolled up. A deep sense of shame crawled up your throat as more tears blurred your vision.

Donghyuck couldn’t control the tears that cascaded down his cheeks when he saw your arm covered in angry red marks.

“(Y/n), why…?”

“I’m sorry,” you wept brokenly, “I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

In the next moments, Donghyuck pulled you into his lap, engulfing you in a tight embrace. Your fingers instinctively gripped onto his shirt as sobs escaped your lips. He never felt so powerless, hearing your heart-breaking cries and feeling your body tremble against his. Tears streamed endlessly as he held you close, silently sharing your anguish. All he could do was cry with you.

“I’m so sorry,” the boy fretted. “I didn’t know you were in this much pain. I wish I had known, (Y/n). I wish I could have been there for you when you needed someone the most.”

“There were so many times I wanted to open up to you,” you managed to utter through your messy tears. “But I was so afraid of losing you, Hyuck. I didn’t want to be a burden to you.”

Donghyuck, in response, leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to your temple. He stroked your hair softly. 

"Oh (Y/n), you could never be a burden to me," he murmured, his voice filled with tenderness. His eyes glistened with tears as he looked at you, his heart breaking for the pain you had endured alone. "How could you ever think that? You mean the world to me.”

You wrapped your arms around him tightly. Your voice was muffled as you spoke into his hoodie. “I’m sorry, Donghyuck. I’m sorry for pushing you away and not letting you in.”

"It's okay," he cooed soothingly, his voice filled with compassion. He continued to rub gentle circles across your back, offering comfort and reassurance. "It's okay, babe. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere.”

Once the both of you calmed down a bit, Donghyuck retrieved some medical supplies from your bathroom. You were surprised to learn how skilled he was at cleaning and bandaging wounds. 

After he finished up, the two of you found solace in each other’s arms, spending the rest of the day in bed. Donghyuck listened attentively as you finally confessed everything that had been weighing on your heart. You didn’t detect even the slightest hint of repulsion from him. Witnessing how empathetic he was with you, allowed you to see that Donghyuck’s feelings for you were sincere. 

The stormy gray clouds of despair gradually disperse, allowing rays of warmth and hope to seep into your heart. Your former friend had tried to tear you apart again. Everyone at the university knew your secret. Mentally, you were weaker than ever. But with Donghyuck by your side, you felt like everything was going to be okay.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

~ epilogue ~

In the coming days, Donghyuck and you walked hand in hand across campus. You chose to ignore the curious looks and hushed voices of speculations. The strength of your bond radiated in your intertwined fingers, symbolizing a resilient unity that could not be shaken by mere judgment.

“I just thought you should know,” Donghyuck said, glancing over at you fondly. “You look beautiful today.”

His flirtations still made you blush profusely, your cheeks tinged with a rosy hue as you subconsciously reached to hold the delicate crescent moon pendant around your neck. The necklace served as a reminder of the love and tenderness you found in each other’s presence.

Deciding you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of making you flustered, you playfully stopped walking and pulled the boy closer, surprising him with a swift yet passionate kiss. His lips met yours eagerly, his handing finding its place on your waist as the intimacy of the moment deepened. In that fleeting embrace, the world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the warmth of your connection and the electric chemistry that sparked between you.

"I love you, Lee Donghyuck," you said confidently, your eyes filled with sincerity and affection, after pulling away from the kiss. Hearing you say those words first was rare, and it took him by surprise.

His gaze softened as he pressed his forehead against yours. "I love you too, (Y/n). More than you'll ever know."

The two of you might have faced some challenging obstacles. And you knew that life would continue to present its share of difficulties. However, you were certain now that the bond you had with Donghyuck was very much real and unbreakable. Knowing you were stronger together, you believed you could overcome anything.

─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─

[calculatorguitar]

so I just watched across the spider-verse for the second time (woohoo!) and I would just like to list some things that I noticed/loved about this movie!

SPOILERS!!!! 

- During the gorgeously animated Spot sequence (the first one in black and white), when the Spot is explaining to Miles that his spider came from univere 42, we can see a kid with two braids in a classroom. It’s very likely that this is the Miles we saw later on in the movie.

- Gwen’s whole world! ugh it’s just visually stunning! The way the background also factors i the emotions at play quite literally reduced me to tears. Muah muah chef’s kiss!

- I’ve seen a lot of people talking about how Miguel is different from other spider-people and I would jus like to add my two cents. Miguel IS Spider-man, but he became him in such a different way to the others. This is why he basically has to inject the spider venom (?) into himself. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have the spider sense either? In the scene where he, Gwen and Jess are fighting against the Leonardo Da Vinci Vulture, Miguel is just standing there, preaching to Gwen, while the Vulture is LITERALLY STANDING RIGHT THERE??? RIGHT BEHIND HIM??? Gwen just... doesn’t alert him about it and instead makes it a quippy joke, but it seems to me like he either doesn’t have a spider sense (a pretty significant part of being a spider-person) or it just decided not to work at that moment. Also interesting about Miguel is that his trauma has skewed his view so much that he is barely even recognisable as a Spider-man anymore. For example: he makes a giant mistake resulting in a whole universe being wiped out. Teenager unknowingly makes a mistake that could have the same result if not handled correctly. Now. How would your average run-of-the-mill Spider-man handle this? You know how he would NOT usually handle it? By BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF SAID TEENAGER AT MULTIPLE DIFFERENT POINTS IN TIME. Miguel also genuinely believes that there’s a certain structure to being Spider-man. There’s certain trauma-checkpoints you have to hit in order to be Spider-man. That’s... I don’t even know what to say except that that’s really messed up. The scene where he just CAGES Miles, presumably to wait there until his dad died? That’s not how you should go about any of this!!! I mean I shouldn’t even have to say that. It’s HOW you wear the mask that matters. 

- Okay enough about Miguel (didn’t know I had that much to say about him tbh). The characters in this movie were extremely strong! The ones we got to meet all had a clear, discernible personalities. I am definitely not immunce to the comic relief characters and I have gained new favourite characters in Hobie and Pavitr (like p much everyone else lol)

- Miles. Miles I’m so. Wow. He’s not eve real but I’m so proud of him. I nearly bawled when he tried to “come out” as Spider-man, while I had already figured out that he was in the wrong universe. Just. God. This poor boy. He was lierally going to study quantum physics so he could see his friends again only to find out that they had the chance to do exactly that this whole time and just chose not to. It was a gutpunch when it was revealed they knew that his dad was going to die this whole time. My heart was audibly beating for him the entire last 50 minutes of the movie, that’s how anxious it all made me.

I have so much more to say about all of it, but this post is already the longest I’ve ever made so I’m just gonna cut it short for now. I would love to hear all of your thoughts on this! This is just what I got from the movie, but I’m sire I could have misinterpreted some thing, so please do tell me what you all think!

[laufire]

although I've enjoyed stories that went down that route before, I can't see jason & talia's relationship in the comic as surrogate mother and son. I don't think the reading came completely out of the blue (I still have this edit of the pietà cover in lost days #2 as my background pic lol. that's some culturally ingrained imagery! although given the issue it precedes, I wonder if it was more of a hint to antichrist!jason lmfao), and can see how lost days #1 would inspire it (although the same events in batman annual #25 end with talia kissing jason after the pit... and I read that first because lost days wasn't out yet when I was catching up in my jason reading, way back when. lost days erases this moment and I do prefer it that version though. that moment, at that time, made no sense).

but after that first issue that's not what I see in the run. jason's certainly not in the market for a parental figure, and he wouldn't have responded well to talia, had she approached him as one (and at this point, talia was very much about finding the right approach to manage jason... because jason had attempted to kill bruce -the comic attributes this to temporary psychopathy but winnick and I differ on this one-. and this didn't happen only because jason decided not to go through his plan at the last moment. ymmv at to why). this reading comes from a mix of things in fanon, but one of them is literally "well she's bruce's love interest and he's bruce's kid sooooo", and I just don't vibe with that, basically.

reading talia's first appearances and realising she's meant to be close to dick's age also compounded my own interpretation of talia's dynamics, sometimes for the worse sometimes for the better, but it's a canon detail that just feels so fitting for the talia comics I've read that now I'd struggle to see her differently, when beforehand I really hadn't thought about her age. this way, they're not exactly peers (dick seems around 4-6 years older than jason in new earth, ymmv), and I usually land on talia being a couple years older than dick. but this colours how I interpret their dynamic, too. how I think they'd see it, in particular.

since I'm talking about the nature of their relationship I do have to mention That Scene. very contentious and I do get why (I do not care for any m/f/m triangle dc has ever tried to pull with the bats, especially bruce vs. dick-slash-jason). but fandom either sees this as "talia, a much older woman, statutory raped jason, a teenager" (jason in the last issue of lost days and in utrh looks very much in his twenties), OR "I've decided talia is jason's mother figure, and I'm -with good reason!- tired of how often she's villianised, so I just Don't See It" [insert mariah carey's i can't read suddenly.gif], as thought there's no other possible interpretation.

and the way I see it is. it's not a Good Thing to happen, nor is it written with that intention! the characters are NOT in a good place and they're NOT making wise, healthy choices lol. and it's something that sidetracks what could've become a really interesting, closer friendship & alliance (I want them to be friends and allies sooooo badly lol. I think they'd work so well!! there's reblogs in my queue about it!!). but I don't see it as something to completely handwave if I'm writing new earth canon; just something to tackle head on, if I ever write about them after this period beyond having it as a secondary dynamic (which I plan to do, but that's another story).

ironically, these ramblings came to me because I'm developing their dynamic in a WIP for a different canon (the young justice cartoon. for reference, the ages there are: Talia, 1984; Jason, 1999; Damian, 2018), and rn if you asked me if they have a surrogate mother-son relationship in it my answer would be a solid... maaaaaaaybe? LOL. if they end up like that, it'll be with MASSIVE ammounts of spousification, though. which is how I see any parental relationship involving jason going, outside of 80s!bruce & jason, to be honest.

[twig-tea]

Rose's Day of Asks

Top 5 beach day scenes.

Have a great Day💜

Rose ILU this Day of Asks is supercute and also I love how you've tailored this ask to my personal interests and inability to limit myself to five choices!

Beach scenes are all about that transition, from one phase in a relationship (usually not-yet-a-relationship) to another. A good beach scene uses the beach as a metaphor even as it also highlights the beauty (and intensity) of the ocean. The ocean is for contemplating things bigger than we are, and helping us to feel humble. And the beach is a place for raw honesty.

With that in mind, there are so many to choose from because most directors get this instinctively! So I'm going with my heart and the scenes that came to me first (and ngl, that have the best gifs):

His: I Didn't Think I Could Fall in Love

I love this scene so much; the intensity in this hug is everything to me. These two kids are both so terrified of being in love with one another, and both so relieved they don't have to lose this connection they found. The ocean being the thing that first brought them together (via Shun falling in and losing his keys lol) is now looming in front of them as the thing that will separate them for a time (because they met on an island). It's not a typical beach day scene, but it's the first one I think of because of how hard this scene hits me every time. And of course I love thinking about it in the context of the very different rocky lakeside beach in the sequel film.

The Eighth Sense

The ocean was (again) what brought them together, and was also a source of trauma in the past for them both; the exchanges "why did you kiss me?" "to get past your trauma...why did you kiss me?" "to give you trauma" was iconic even before it became Too Real. I love how the ocean is a looming presence in this entire story; the trauma from both of their childhoods looms even on campus, it's there as a soundtrack to their vulnerable conversations, and of course it's in the background of their first sexual encounter. When Ji Hyun acts out the 'two steps forward one step back' with Jae Won before Jae Won finally breaks and admits he wants to be with Ji Hyun, that movement is like a wave relentlessly washing up on shore. Anyway! This entire series is an ocean scene to me.

Blueming

SiWoon's first kiss by the water going so poorly, the brief sulk, and then DaUn initiating this re-do moment?! Whew. In terms of standard "beach scene" fare, this ranks highly at the top for me because of the second take at a first kiss. I love a realistic 'oh wait it's my first time so I'm actually not very good at it' moment. This also comes after the first time they've really talked and listened to one another; plus it comes with a bonus "blinding light of love" visual. Love it.

Until We Meet Again

Is there anything more iconic than this scene? The double confession; the flirting; the lift; playing in the water; the kiss. These two were so desperate for an escape and this scene was real catharsis. And of course this dialogue; Intouch insisting that in order to get through what is to come, they'll need each other. Heartbreaking considering we know what they both do not long after this. It becomes almost a curse for their reincarnated lives--you won't be happy until you have me with you. AND THEN WE GET THE PROPOSAL SCENE that perfectly parallels this one, between Dean and Pharm in Between Us the series. The only thing I love more than a beach scene is a beach parallel. Speaking of which....

Last Twilight in Phuket

How do I choose only one beach scene from this set of shows? There are so many; I love all of them so much. So many from ITSAY: The hammock scene; the scene on Their Beach where Teh and Oh-Aew play the most tension-filled game of chase I've ever seen; the float and underwater kiss; the post-kiss blow-up; the conversation they have when Teh first reappears in Oh's life and Oh says he isn't sure he can be close to Teh again (!)...and then of course in IPYTM the scene where they reunite and agree to try again. But I'm going with LTIP because of all the symbolism they wrapped up in this scene. Teh and Oh-Aew try to go to their beach but it's closed, they need to instead go to the public beach, and so their goodbye is imperfect. We get to see the way they are both so much more comfortable being in pubilc and visibly together than they were in I Told Sunset About You--this is something they both had to work on for different reasons. They're both struggling with having to say goodbye, because they'll be going to different universities. They also know they're leaving Phuket and they talk about how by the time they come back, Phuket will have changed. This moment at the beach bridges their childhood and adulthood, and is so symbolic of life as ever-changing and those changes being impossible to stop.

Gameboys the movie

Speaking of beach scenes that aren't about getting together; this was a particularly good moment because it was not about establishing their relationship it was about reaffirming it/cementing the strength of their bond in the face of separation. I loved that they go out there ostensibly to spend time together and get away from the crowded house but it's also a way for them to have the scary looming conversation about separation. I love so much how good this show is about real conversations, and this one felt so real. The way they talked about not holding one another back, and how they could make it long distance, and what that would look like for them in future...it made me so happy. Gav and Cai looking at the possibility of long distance as doable and not an immediate obvious need to break up was such a breath of fresh air after so many noble idiot plots that all rely on the assumption that long distance is not doable. ANYWAY also this scene is just really pretty.

Life~Love on the Line

This one is so interesting because it was the moment Ito convinced himself he couldn't stay with Nishi. Technically this is the morning-after-the-beach-day but I'm counting it because it's such a unique version of the beach day; in this case, the truth Ito thought he was facing was that he and Nishi had no future--rather than seeing the blinding light of love for what it is facing his own fears head on, he closed his eyes and embraced them, and ruined years of their lives. This scene is an important reminder that the beach is not an infallible relationship panacea! It is your (the character's) responsibility to bring the right energy to it or it may lead you astray.

Bad Buddy

Pat and Pran at the eco-village finally with a moment to themselves, admitting to one another that they feel most free when they're together. This is the first time they acknowledge to one another that the situation they're in is bullshit; that they actually do like one another's company, and that maybe there is a possibility that this thing could actually work between them, if they try for it. I loved this scene so much as a turning point for them, and the way it keeps pulling in and out so we get these close-ups of Pat and Pran, and then the camera pulls away and we see how small they are. The perspective in this moment is so important. As is the hand touch (whew).

Theory of Love

This is one of my favourite twists on the beach scene: Khai goes to the beach alone because he has to figure himself out. He's not at the stage where he's ready to have an honest conversation with Third yet, first he needs to have an honest conversation with himself and realize his own feelings. He has a good, open conversation with someone he hurt in the past in order to figure himself out in the present and pave way for his future with Third. And then we get the bestie trip when all of them go together, which was delightful.

Bonus gif because I don't have enough shots of group friend trips in this list and it's so important to me that after this solo trip Kai comes back with everyone:

Your Name Engraved Herein

This beach scene is crushingly painful. Birdy and Jia Han go as far as they can to scream their frustrations into the sea, have a moment of freedom, but with the knowledge they can't have any more than this and will be saying goodbye afterwards. It's the most devastating truth of all of these faced at the beach: They can't be together in this time and place.

Bed Friend

The silhouettes are iconic; I love the way body language was used for these shots. And the way it felt like King was finally, slowly getting Uea to see him as a dating prospect in these moments? Really beautifully done.

Be My Favorite

Including this scene because it is one of the few beach scenes that leads to a rejection (of course the show then fixes this later with a parallel scene at the end, my beloved). I loved this anti-beach moment; rather than going to the beach to face hard truths, Pisaeng (and then following him, Kawi) went to the beach to hide from the truth. But the beach doesn't work that way and Kawi had to face hard truths after all, including the truth that in this universe he ends up losing Pisaeng from his life entirely because of the way he treated him. The line "you want to get in the water but are afraid of getting wet?" from Pisaeng to Kawi was so heavily loaded with meaning. Perfection.

The Day I Loved You

This was such a beautiful gesture, especially from a high school boy. Including this as an iconic beach scene because it both does what a beach scene should do (get the characters to face hard truths, be honest, and progress in their relationship) and was intentionally meant to invoke a trip to the ocean (they're freediving!) at home for Nikko so I don't even feel like it's cheating.

Night Dream

The show wasn't perfect but the way they paced the reveals about their past with the flashbacks was good storytelling and the tension in this beach scene was palpable over several episodes!

The Eclipse

This conversation between Akk and Ayan made me cry. The entire sequence, driving out with Ayan as an interloper, hiding from the The World Remembers crew and their boyfriends, Ayan being so worried about Akk because he is so on alert for suicidality, and Akk just doesn't know how to face any of it. Ayan telling Akk "you're allowed to be weak" broke me. Luckily the beach is here to help facilitate personal growth. [Also have to shout out again the reciprocal beach scene where Akk then says the same thing back to Ayan, my beloved]

Love Sick

I love them your honour. AUGH. Honestly, the Love Sick scene that always comes to mind is the night before this when Noh is dancing on the stage whipping his hoodie around his head and Pun is watching him fondly, but this moment afterward in the quiet of the morning, when they've agreed to have just this moment of truth by the sea and then go back to their lives, is so beautiful (especially your gif of it Rose!). This is another melancholy one, where they're coming to the sea to admit that they want what they can't have, and giving it to themselves anyway for one night (little did they know, they were going to fail at abstention lol). The longing is so palpable between these two in these scenes, so much good tension.

My School President

Gotta have at least one scene with the whole crew! What i love about this beach outing is that the hard truth they were facing was not about whether or not they cared about one another, but how to tell people and when--and this is one of the reasons why it's important it's a group trip, because that decision affects the whole group. And look at this gif, it is perfection. These kids are puppies! I love them.

3 Will Be Free

Talking about group dynamics reminded me of this iconic moment. It's not quite a beach day trip in the traditional sense because they're on the run etc. and this is night time, but it's very personal to me. The sea said make it poly, so they did.

Never Let Me Go

Can't talk about one of Jojo's series without bringing up this other one. Listen, I know that its placement in the series was...oddly timed [I think my mother might be dead, let's go to the beach and frolic]. But this is one of the most beautifully shot and colour graded sequences, and for aesthetic reasons alone it is on my list! Sometimes I am but a simple bisexual (which is also why I'm using this shot from the BTS rather than one from the show, even though there are so many pretty ones to choose from). Speaking of!

BONUS GL addition:

Lulu

Gotta have at least one song! This entire GL takes place at a beach house so the whole thing is pretty much beach or beach-adjacent scenes but this one where they are flirting and then sing together was a good turning moment for them; and of course it calls back to when they first met (where Abi saves Sophie from drowning) and also parallels the end credits scene. I was so here for how thirsty Sophie was as soon as Abi showed up, and this beach scene is one of the places where this played out most memorably to me.

[msmargaretmurry]

Hi! I don’t know if you're still doing the ask meme- would love a BTS for the scene from head above water where Matthew has his full emotional breakdown/vomits in a bathroom if u r! I did fully sob to this at 2am the day it came out 😂🤦‍♀️

hi anon! sorry this took several weeks, i have been so busy lately, but i hope you enjoy it! it's one of my favorite scenes in the fic, thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about it. 😊❤

Matthew barely registers his feet taking him down the hallway, to the elevator, up another floor to knock on the correct door. After a shout and the sounds of some scuffling inside, Quinn pulls it open. He’s flushed like he gets when he’s been drinking, his hair mussed. He grins at Matthew and says, “Come on, we’re watching Bob Ross.”

Matthew expected the room to be more of a party, but it’s just Quinn and Brady, plus Jack, curled up and snoring on the chaise longue. There’s evidence of several nightcaps, but also several half-empty Gatorades around the suite. Brady is on the bed watching television, propped up by a small mountain of pillows and eating grapes out of a plastic bag. [this image of quinn’s room makes me laugh every time — what have they been up to? where did brady get the grapes?? all mysteries; matthew is in too much distress to wonder or care]

“Why the fuck are you watching Bob Ross?” Matthew asks.

“Because it’s on,” Brady says around a grape. “Did you know there’s a whole Bob Ross channel?”

“No, I did not know that,” Matthew says.

Brady frowns, brow furrowing. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Matthew says. “No, I think I’m pretty fucked up right now.”

“I’ll get you a Gatorade,” Quinn says. [quinn is one of my favorite characters in his own right, but i especially love him in this scene, kind of in the background navigating the matthew–brady situation. but also, finally another chance for me to get to write brady and quinn interacting. they are so important to me! and, of course, quinn immediately with the big-brothering here — it was so useful to have him around in this story as a kind of counterpart to matthew’s own older brother/oldest sibling feelings.]

“Come sit. Bob’s painting a path in the woods,” Brady says, patting the mattress next to him. Matthew does, sinking into the pile of pillows, and Brady scoots over to put his head on Matthew’s shoulder, grinning a dopey drunk grin.

“Grape?” He offers the bag. Matthew shakes his head, feeling queasy. Brady shrugs and pops another one in his mouth, turning to Quinn. “Matthew’s been having a tough year.”

“Shut up, Brady,” Matthew groans, rubbing his face.

“Not, like, statistically,” Brady says. “Mentally, you know? He thinks we can’t tell, but he’s really shit at acting normal.” [brady has definitely brought this up with quinn before, lol]

“Brady,” Matthew says sharply. Brady’s mouth snaps shut. Matthew presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying not to hyperventilate.

They’re not really a crying family. Matthew is not a crying type of guy. He is not going to cry here and now, but it takes him a moment to get it under control. If he’s lucky, the light from the TV isn’t enough to see that his eyelashes are wet. 

“Sorry,” he says, wiping his cheeks even though they’re technically still dry. “Sorry, fuck.” [the last long hockey fic i wrote, my protagonist was dylan strome, who is such an easy crier and pretty in touch with his emotions, and matthew in this fic is very much neither of those things 😂 it was a pretty long break between writing tnno and this, but it was still fun for me to get to tackle a totally different type of character.]

Quinn is standing by the bed, holding out a cold red Gatorade.

“Do you want something stronger?” he asks. Matthew shakes his head and takes the bottle. He’d say thanks, but there’s a lump filling his throat. He’s grateful just to have something to do as he twists the cap off and chugs half of it.

Brady is staring at him, equal parts confused and wounded.

“I was just kidding,” he says. “I mean, not totally kidding, but I was just teasing.”

“I know.” Matthew wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, then wipes his hand on his pajama pants. “I know, it’s fine. It’s fine.”

“It’s not,” Brady says. “Don’t lie to me.” [poor brady and taryn, but especially brady — they’re such a close-knit family; they can tell something is wrong and has been for a while! they’re worried and not sure how to approach the topic because matthew’s never been so depressed and secretive before. brady just wants matthew to trust him, and he’s been wondering this season if he did something wrong, because of how matthew doesn’t seem to anymore. not just with the sexuality thing, because he’s been kind of resigned to that for years, but with everything else.]

“I’m,” Matthew starts, but his stomach lurches, bile sloshing in his throat. He scrambles up, pushing Quinn out of the way to beeline for the bathroom, and drops to his knees in front of the toilet just in time to puke all the Gatorade right back up. And all the booze. He can taste the whiskey shots they had earlier, sour and smoky, and that makes him vomit more.

“Ugh,” Jack’s groggy voice comes from the other room. “Who’s ralphing?”

Whatever Quinn says in response is drowned out by Matthew retching again. It’s been at least six hours since dinner, but there is apparently still food in his stomach. When he finally runs out, he rests his head on the seat, cold sweat beading on his forehead. He closes his eyes. Tries to breathe through his nose, but the acrid smell of his own puke is too much, so he takes careful, even breaths through his mouth instead, trying to get his heart to stop racing. [i very much wanted the vomit descriptions to be kinda gross, so i hope you all found them kinda gross 🙂]

He can tell by the footsteps that the person who comes into the bathroom is Brady. The faucet cuts on, then off, and then a cup of water is nudged against Matthew’s elbow. Moving as little as possible, he takes it to swish a mouthful around and spit into the bright red of the toilet bowl.

“Can you flush?” he mumbles, laying his head back down. “The smell is gonna make me puke again.”

“Yeah,” Brady says. He hits the lever. Matthew sighs in relief as clean water fills the bowl and Brady lowers himself to sit cross-legged on the tile. He puts a hand on Matthew’s back, rubbing in big, careful circles. They stay like that for a minute, maybe two, until Quinn tiptoes in and, oh, that’s humiliating. Getting throwing-up drunk in front of his little brother’s best friend. He had such a good showing at Boots, and now this. [he’s so fixated on this mental image of who he’s supposed to be, like, my dude, you are actively puking your guts up, you can worry about respectability later. also like, quinn has known matthew since they were teenagers, he has seen matthew in worse shape than this.]

Quinn touches the top of Brady’s head, his fingertips bouncing nervously on the curls. “Do you want me to see if I can find some ginger ale? Or some crackers or something?” [and it’s not like quinn is judging him!! quinn is just concerned! for matthew AND for brady, dealing with matthew! but also, writing quinn and brady’s relationship in the background of this fic was so fun. not to queerbait in my own gay fanfiction but i WAS lowkey hoping some readers would be side-eyeing them a little bit like “are they—?” up until brady’s “didn’t u know my bestie is gay u idiot” text later in the story. i mean, is quinn a little in love with brady? absolutely. is brady aware of this? not really. it’s fine, everything is fine.]

Matthew forces himself to sit up and shake his head, pretending that the movement doesn’t make the room spin and his stomach turn. “No, just give me a minute, I’ll get out of here. Shit, sorry.”

“Yeah, you’re not going anywhere,” Brady says, his voice a notch higher than usual the way it gets when he’s upset. “Unless it’s to your room, in which case I’m coming with you.”

“You really don’t have to.” Matthew takes another careful sip of water to swish and spit. “I’ve been drunk before. I’ll survive.”

“It’s not really the drunk part I’m worried about,” Brady mumbles, which Matthew chooses to ignore, staring at the viscous, pinkish blob of saliva floating in the toilet bowl. 

“I think there’s a Sprite in the mini-fridge,” Quinn says, and removes himself from the situation. [the smartest boy in the room lmao i love him] Matthew is jealous. He would love to remove himself from the situation. He can’t look up yet because he can feel Brady staring at him.

“So the way I see it,” Brady says, even but firm. Matthew can imagine it’s the voice he uses when he’s doing captain shit. It’s a good captain voice. “Either we both go back to my room, we put the trash can by the bed, and you can tell me what the fuck’s wrong with you. Or we both go back to your room, we put the trash can by the bed, and you can tell me what the fuck’s wrong with you.”

“This isn’t Ottawa,” Matthew says. “You’re not in charge of me.”

“Right now, I think I am,” says Brady. Matthew chances a look at him, and can tell from his face that he will not be swayed. Matthew can be just as stubborn, but god, he does not have the energy. The thought of trying to have an argument right now makes his stomach threaten to mutiny again. [i feel a great kinship with brady as a fellow middle child, and i loved trying to write a relationship between him and matthew that was nuanced and a little complicated but ultimately deeply loving and caring. this is scene is a kind of notable moment in brady’s life — it’s never been him so explicitly having to be the one taking care of matthew before, instead of matthew taking care of him. it’s a little strange and scary, but he’s good at taking care of people, so he knows what to do, and also comes out of this night feeling more empowered to just kind of demand emotional accountability/honesty from matthew, which is absolutely something matthew needs from him.]

“Fine. My room,” he says, then rests his forehead against the toilet seat again. “In a minute.”

On their way out, Quinn gives him a bottle of Sprite and a hug. Brady gives Quinn a kiss on the top of his head and a murmured apology that makes the back of Matthew’s neck burn. Jack, thank god, is snoring again. Matthew has done his fair share of walks of shame, and has rarely found them shameful, but he can barely stomach this: trudging back to his room with Brady as babysitter after showing up just long enough to vomit prolifically in Brady's best friend’s bathroom. He’s too old to be drinking until he pukes to begin with, and it’s not like he can explain that it’s not the alcohol that made him sick. It’s that Leon doesn’t want him anymore. 

That’s what that was, right? A pity fuck. Pity blowjob, whatever. Matthew looked just pathetic enough in that elevator that Leon gave him a parting gift. He’d thought Leon was just mad, before, but now it’s pretty clear that whatever was pulling him to Matthew is broken, if not dead.

And it shouldn’t matter. They’re not even friends. Right? But for some reason that just makes the fact that it hurts even worse. Because they had just started to— Matthew had just started to— fuck.

He needs to think about this sober. He does not want to think about it sober.

[i got a few (very valid 😂) comments that were like, “i can’t believe matthew didn’t realize what leon was doing by kicking him out (i.e. getting payback for the way matthew treated him)! he’s such a dummy!” and firstly, yes, he is very stupid. if he were any less stupid the story would be half as long. in his defense, sometimes it’s hard not to be stupid when you’re almost too depressed to function. ask me how i know! anyway, i’m not gonna get too deep into it because that it technically a different scene, and also i’m not telling anyone how to interpret that scene because variety is the spice of life, but from the perspective i was writing from, leon didn’t go into that encounter straight-up planning to send matthew away like that. everything is just as complicated on his end. anyway, back on topic: all of this is from matthew as much a reaction to what just happened with leon as it is to matthew belatedly letting himself start to truly feel his feelings about what happened a month ago — leon kissing him, him panicking about it, etc. what just happened with leon wouldn’t matter nearly so much if matthew wasn’t finally accepting what the way he really wants leon and along with that acceptance, it fully hitting him how badly he’s fucked this up.]

Back in his own room, Matthew splashes cold water on his face and brushes his teeth until his gums bleed, then he and Brady crawl into opposite sides of the bed, turn off the lights, and lay in silence for several minutes. [i feel in my soul that as little kids they sometimes had little sleepovers in each other’s rooms, and i kept thinking about that image while writing this scene.]

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” Brady asks. This is the opposite of his captain voice. This is just a worried little brother, and it makes Matthew’s chest ache. “I know it’s like — complicated sometimes. But you can still talk to me.”

Matthew sighs, blinking up at the ceiling in the dark. His eyes feel wet again, but at least no one can see it. “I know.”

“I really was just teasing.”

“I know. It’s fine.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“No, I mean.” Matthew closes his eyes. “The teasing is fine. Don’t worry about that. It’s other stuff that’s fucked up, but it’s not your fault.”

A long pause, then. “Okay.”

A longer pause. Matthew swallows hard.

“I was kind of seeing someone,” he says. “And I think they just broke up with me.”

“Shit,” says Brady.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” Brady says. “That sucks.”

“Yeah.” Matthew breathes, trying to keep his voice from cracking. “I think I really liked them.”

Matthew can hear Brady shifting, although the bed is big enough that the mattress doesn’t dip.

“Them,” he says. It’s not quite a question, but it doesn’t really need to be. Years of plausible deniability, down the drain.

“Him,” Matthew says. [i had this conversation planned for soooo long before i finally got to write it into the story, and it was SO satisfying to finally put it on paper 😂]

Another lengthy pause, which Matthew is grateful for. He needs it to pull himself together.

“Matthew?” says Brady. Matthew makes a sound of acknowledgement. “It’s his loss. And I bet he’ll regret it.”

The lump in Matthew’s throat is too thick for him to get any words out around it, and he has to blink rapidly up at the ceiling again to keep from tearing up. Instead, he reaches a blind hand out across the bed, and squeezes tight when Brady grabs onto it. Too tight, probably, but Brady doesn’t complain. [brothers!! brothers who love each other so much!!! when i was writing the first draft of this, i knew from the end of the first chapter that matthew was going to have to get right in his relationship with brady before he’d be able to fix his relationship with leon, and in that way this scene really is the beginning of the long, arduous climb out of matthew’s dark night of the soul. he said it out loud! the world didn’t end! he has brady on his side now! he’s gonna be okay!]

[personinthepalace]

I saw a local production of Legally Blonde the Musical today!

One of the local high schools in my city (my old school's "rival" in fact haha) is doing a production of Legally Blonde, and I went to see it today! I'm a huge lbtm fan, but this was my first time seeing a live production, and it was honestly very good!! I am very passionate about the door discourse so I was highly anticipating that moment in the ballad. And this production passed the test! As soon as I saw that they were wheeling out the door during that number, I was silently freaking out to my friend haha. Anyway here are some other random notes/thoughts that I had about the production:

Real dogs! Rufus was a golden retriever, and when he came out, the show paused for a bit bc of the applauding haha. Rufus also listened to Kyle's command to sit which was quite cute haha A HUGE ensemble (it's high school so it makes sense). But they bring back the ensemble for like every possible song Elle was great - she used some vibrato and trills during her solos. Most of So Much Better was kinda a mess (backing music/ensemble not really lining up well), but OMIGOD she held out that last note just like LBB did on bway so huge props to her! Warner was a good singer not as strong as the other leads but he has the best expression/acting choices - more on that later Serious: they didn't do the accidental proposal pose which I thought was a missed joke The violinist during Serious walked back out with some great sad acting after Elle left before playing the last notes of the song (I thought that she was someone from the orchestra but they were actually part of the ensemble so that was cool!) What You Want: Elle's white outfit was cute!! They used the "Jet Blue" line! The actors' school photos for the Elle x Warner poster which I thought was funny haha Harvard variations: they got rid of Sandeep's character so the song was shorter Aaron Sholtz and Enid Hoops were played by butch actors which was cool! Bruiser now loves the Bachelor Emmett - the actor playing him (who my sister knew from elementary school) is such a perfect emmett! Looks exactly like how one would imagine him haha Background acting: Emmett introducing himself to the students and shaking their hands while Elle and Vivienne had their first interaction in class Blood in the water: Callahan was also a very good singer. I think this was one of the strongest number of the show. They also added grey to his hair He was kinda touching Enid during his lines with her but she kept on pushing his hand away from her - foreshadowing! Paulette was amazing!!! I think she might be my favorite actor in the show. She sounds EXACTLY like Orfeh did on bway. Also asian representation!! Ireland - she killed it obviously - seriously amazing!! (though she did accidentally came in early at one part). The lyrics are different from the bway version though (they were about her grandpa) Playboy bunny costume - they added a little tutu to it which was cute! Enid sat near them near the end of this scene (in preparation for Elle stealing her glasses). She tries to drink from a bottle but Warner took it away from her and drank it instead Chip On My Shoulder: Elle wears Emmett's jacket! Emmett saying he hadn't slept since 1998 killed me bc this kid is definitely younger than me haha Elle and Emmett don't do any secret handshakes though :( Elle sat next to Warner during her squealing exit and I loved that so much haha Reclaiming Rufus scene: Elle ran back on stage and threw her arms around Emmett and Paulette - I am here for this trio friendship When Dewey re-exited the trailer and saw Elle, he twirled his long hair

So Much Better, as I said before, was sadly not the strongest number but I do like that Elle's parents appear offstage when she called them. And Elle held out that last note!! Once again no Elle x Emmett secret handshake :(

(Part 2 will continue in a reblog bc apparently I hit the character limit LOL)

[crescencestudio]

Devlog #25 | 11.28.22

Hi everyone!

How have you all been? We are slowly approaching holiday season, so hope the end of the year has been bringing some moments of rest and connection with loved ones <3 We are back with another devlog, so let’s get into it! 

Writing

Writing has been where the bulk of my time has been spent this past month. I’ve been working closely with Wudgey, our developmental editor, to flesh out routes, endings, and information cohesion between everything. We’ve officially finished the route summaries for each character, and I’m quite happy with how the lore, endings, and character development has turned out! I think the magic, backstories, and characters have really come to life after talking with them, so I’m eternally grateful <3

Aside from that, my big, big focus has been Kayn’s route. I’ve begun writing the actual script for their route based on our outline and am currently sitting at ~25k words. At first, I was beating myself up a lot with the progress --- I felt like I wasn’t moving fast enough. But now that I’m actually seeing that number and realizing that’s from one month’s work, I’m pretty proud with myself, haha! This is just a rough draft, and it doesn’t include fleshed out choices, the fun characterization scenes where we get to just have fun with the LIs, etc., but I’ve written up most of the basic plot (I’d estimate about 80%). I anticipate this first draft without fleshed out choices and extra characterization scenes will end at around 30k-35k words, so almost there!!!

Art

Last time, I showed you all one of the BGs Vui had finished. And honestly, most of the art development process has been on Vui’s side since I haven’t been spending as much time on Alaris art (((you will see why below LOL))). Above is the most recent background I got back from them, and I’m honestly blown away by how it looks. I find it so unbelievably stunning and can’t believe it’s going to be featured in the game. Hope you all like it as much as I do and are just as excited for future BGs Vui cooks up! 

I have been working on some CGs, but I’ll be keeping those a secret for now hehe ^^

Additional Features

Finally, the sound and music! I’ve already started receiving some of the voiced lines back from the VAs for the demo portion. I haven’t gotten a chance to review them yet since I’ve been preoccupied, and they’re not ~as~ time sensitive. But I’m hoping to start reviewing the lines next month and hope to have a better idea of how the characters are sounding! Regardless, I’m very excited to give them a listen <3

I’ve also been working with Peter for song composition for the soundtrack. We have three songs complete, specifically the main theme song, romantic/tender track, and the tense track. I’ll be previewing them in the near future, so be on the lookout!! 

"Market Research” 

I’m going to have to start unironically having a spot for fanart highlights, haha! Lately, I’ve been trying to improve my rendering and other aspects of my art that I don’t have as much comfort with. Because I don’t want to only draw Alaris all the time, I use other works as a way to practice my art, so that when I work on CGs and sprites, I’ll be able to use those new techniques to hopefully deliver a better visual product for you all! 

I was quite proud with how all of these came out. This month, I took a dive into Mystic Messenger and Blooming Panic, two games I’ve heard so much about but have never gotten the chance to play. I felt so inspired with both of them since I have little exposure to chat-based games and fell in love with the GUI (the discord layout of Blooming Panic is especially creative!!), characterization, and voice dynamics between the cast. 

While playing games doesn’t seem directly related to game development, it helps me see what’s out there and improve on things to bring to Alaris. I’ve already gotten a lot of ideas floating around that I hope to implement, so I hope you all look forward to it! Until next month, and I wish you all an early safe, warm, and happy holidays!!! <3

[beuatifulbuttercup]

song I want to see pjo edits of when the show comes out FOCUSING ONLY ON THE PJO SERIES NOT HoO

BY BOOK

The Lighting Thief:

Poker Face- Do I need to even explain this one? The best scene of the Peter Johnson movies had this ICONIC song so we gotta have this. Obviously with this would be used for the Lotus Casino scene.

The Sea Of Monsters

Speak Now- HEAR ME OUT OKAY! This song but to when Grover is being married off to Polyphemus. I think that is hilarious and peak comedy okay.

The Titan's Curse

Vampire- Yes this is a romance song but if we take of the romantic parts of it it's basically Zoë and Heracles. Specifically the

I used to think I was smart But you made me look so naive The way you sold me for parts As you sunk your teeth into me, oh Bloodsucker, fame fucker Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire

part I think works very well. It just described their relationship and what he did to her to me.

Snap but the edited version- You know the one where they take off the background music and make it slower(?). That one for Nico and Bianca. It's so sad ugh!

The Battle of The Labyrinth

But I Love You So- Pollux and the Apollo cabin's reactions to their siblings deaths. It's so sad and I love it.

Something in the Orange- Basically just the first battle and then the characters being like "Shit, Percy is about to be 16." And then preparing for the fight.

The Last Olympian

Pompeii but the edited version-You know the one that starts off sad and then they add the music back. The Battle of Manhattan. I wanna see the kids being killed, fighting for their lives, and trying their absolute hardest to stop the war. I wanna see the jungle that the Demeter cabin made, the arrows the Apollo cabin are shooting, the bridge going down, all of it. Then it cuts to them being happy at camp and just being kids. I love this idea and it was the one that inspired me to make this post lol.

Don't Blame Me- I actually have two ideas for this. The first is Annabeth taking the dagger for Percy and unknowingly blocking his one weak spot. The second is Silena pretending to be Clarisse, killing the drackon, and then dying. If we wanna spice it up we could also use that for Clarisse killing the drackon to avenge Silena.

Safe And Sound- After the war when we get those moments at camp. You know Percy and Annabeth being thrown into the lake and stuff like that. just a cute little hooray until the next prophecy.

CHARACTER

Softcore- Nico Di Angelo. Lemme let the lyrics speak for themselves

… I've been confused as of late (yeah) Watching my youth slip away (yeah) You're like the sun, you wake me up But you drain me out if I get too much

Like if you can't see how that fits Nico I don't wanna listen to you lol

She Wolf- Silena since, well, you know, traitor. It could just be a bunch of moments from all seasons leading up to the eventual reveal. It would

Still Into You- Percabeth! Just them as they grow older and develop and start to realize their feelings for each other. This would be so cute to see I would literally be kicking my legs.

Lemme know if you want more but these are the first ideas that came to mind!

[devondespresso]

WIP Ask Game

tagged by the lovely @itsthestrangestthings and with perfect timing too! I've just finished the outline for the next arc and need to get words down

Rules

In a reblog of this post (so people can find you in the notes) or new thread (w/ rules attached) if you want to play on your own, post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to play!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can't share from (for example, an event or gift fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share.

(per usual I only have my one wip, so I'll be listing scenes from my Steve Henderson AU instead of different files. I'm also listing them with the short details i remember them by because they dont really have names lol)

Scenes

The Old Office (where's dustin's dad?)

Before Bed (we try and fail to talk about important things)

Family Dinner (with a side of overthinking)

Nightmare, but worse (for the love of god just talk about things)

Breakdown in the club(house) (as in the little play fort in dustins backyard)

Snippet

(and tags below)

Most of my work in the last 7 days has been trying to figure out what has been feeling off in some of my scenes i already jotted down, then putting together the outline for my next arc, so im being pretty loose with "words in the past 7 days" Chucks of this snippet were the most I've rewritten recently, but I'm definitely sharing more than just the rewritten parts because i can (Steve and Hopper has been one of my favorite dynamics to explore, especially within the context of the hospital and Hop's background)

___

But then a nurse came in, asking if his parents had been notified of his admission. She offered to call if they hadn’t yet, but Hopper promised he would take care of it.

He stood by the wall waiting for someone to pick up on the other line while Steve sat on the side of the bed and El curled up in a guest chair nearby.  Hop stood there listening to several minutes of dialing sounds and voicemail over and over with no sign of stopping.

“If they won't pick up after 5 minutes they're not going to pick up after 10."

Hop glared over.

"Thank you, Harrington, very helpful." he grumbled but still gave up and set the phone back.

“Just tell the nurse they know and don’t worry about it.” he offered, laying back down.

“Yeah and just leave ‘em in the dark about their kid in the damn hospital.” 

“I’ll call them later.”

Hopper huffed from the other side of the room. Steve tried not to focus on it, but after too long of a silence, especially after the building frustration, he had to look over.

Hop stood silent, leaned back against the wall. A mixture of thinking and working through his frustrations.

An unnerving amount of thinking for Hop, and his expressions were harder to read than most, having his own more subtle tells Steve hadn't known him long enough to recognize.

He looked over at Steve, gathering clues or something. Steve shot a face back, asking for an explanation.

He thought for a moment, then crossed his arms and walked over to him.

“Why don’t you want anyone here?”

Steve scooted back, sat up and crossed his arms back.

“Because it’s not that big of a deal-”

“That's a load of bull.”

Steve rolled his eyes, projecting annoyance to say This is not going to go anywhere.

“I’ve already dealt with a concussion on my own before and, surprise, it was fine.”

“That’s not it.” he said slow and cold: the tone he used to shut down that argument with Mike. “Tell me why.”

“I told you!” he said, pushing down more nerves to throw that tone back at him.

"No, you haven't."

"Well, what do you want me to say!"

“The truth, Harrington!” he yelled.

Steve froze in place, holding the scowl in place, keeping his eyes glued to Hopper to hide his reaction. Hopper caught himself, sighing and looking away in a self-directed disappointment. Only after the break in tension did Steve look away, staring at the wall.

Calm down, it was an accident. He didn’t mean to.

“I just want to know the truth, kid.” he backed up a good few feet, leaning back against the wall and looking at him firmly, “Because I can’t think of anyone who’d want to be completely alone in a hospital. Let alone a kid.”

He’s not like that, he’s trying not to be. He’s stopped.

His throat was tight and he could feel tears invading his eyes.

Not here, not here, not here

“You trying to prove something?” Hop guessed, taking his silence for stubbornness. He can work with that.

Steve threw a glare at him, getting up and going to the room’s bathroom, putting a lot of effort into appearing completely steady despite the dizziness. Hopper followed.

“Kid, I'm just trying to help.” He said, putting a hand on the door to keep him from opening it.

He’s not gonna drop it. Not trusting his voice to hold, Steve ripped out his wallet and shoved over a business card. Hop took it with his free hand, confusion distracting him enough to let Steve yank the door open and slip inside.

“Harringt-”

He slammed the door right behind him with a loud thud that made his breath catch. He quickly locked it, then held his breath a moment and closed his eyes. Then he breathed out slowly, quietly, and flicked the light on. Waited to hear Hopper’s footsteps leading away from the door back towards the phone before opening his eyes again.

Finally

___

Tags

@stobinesque @fag4dykestobin @museumgiftshoperaser @sharpbutsoft @spicysix @blushweddinggowns @marvel-ous-m @alexcharmsyou

(no pressure ofc 💕💕)

[l13bg0tt]

@ronald-speirs tag game

Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?

Ooooh probably somewhere in the Kananaskis region, maybe Barrier Lake. That's where my mom and I like to go paddleboarding 🫶🏻

Something you’re proud of yourself for?

I think I'll have to say how much I got my act together school-wise this year. Last school year I really struggled mentally, I was very close to dropping out. I was dealing with throwing up from my anxiety almost every day.

My favourite professor actually just recommended me for grad school which I am very proud of! (i had his class this school year lol) It has made me change up my life plans for the next couple of years but I am honoured that he thinks highly of me, so I must do it... Nothing feels as good as academic validation 😭

Favorite books?

The Long Walk by Richard Bachman (Stephen King's pseudonym) and With The Old Breed by Eugene Sledge <3

Something that makes your heart happy when thinking about it?

this is hard lol the first thing that came to mind after daydreaming about being w my special girl was piglets

Favorite thing about your culture?

Yikes... hockey..? wait no, not rn... Terry Fox perhaps?

When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?

Joined the fandom this year! First show was Band of Brothers.

Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?

So far I have only read Sledge and the start of Leckie's!! My mom got me Webster's for my birthday and it only recently came in the mail, so I'll be starting that this weekend.

Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?

how dare you ask me this. i suppose luz... i love him in the background of every scene but the major scenes that come to mind are "got a penny" duh, "ooooklahoma" and the way he be looking in episode 8

Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?

I make historical war content on tiktok (huge hiatus while I attempt to get my degree lol) @506thpir and might bring some of it over here

Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?

ugh it used to be Woody Harrelson until he pulled some conspiracy theorist BS so I suppose Miles Teller in Whiplash (or the Spectacular Now lol)

Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?

Unfortunately I'm not like that... I don't have one. I can actually only remember "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky 🤣 (no NOT Michael Scott)

Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?

Ich habe in der High Schule Deutsch gelernt und spreche immer noch ein bisschen. Ich versuche Spanisch für meinen Liebling zu lernen 🙈

If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?

omg we are nowhere near ready but if that day comes i will let you know

Three things that make you smile?

animals

my silly lil crush

people wearing cool outfits

Any nicknames you like?

cammy

List some people you love to see around on tumblr!

@liptonwashere @executethyself35 @mutantmanifesto @footprintsinthesxnd @ronald-speirs @malarkgirlypop @land-sh @cody-helix02 and soooo many more I forgot to edit this part before publishing the draft 😭

What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?

Everything I could to keep my loved ones safe lol sorry boring

Favorite movie?

I'll just go with She's the Man for the sake of brevity

Do you like horror movies?

yuh but i really prefer it when they're actually decent

[7central]

Ooh I’d love to know:

15. Do you have any unwritten scene that you think about a lot?

16. Is there any written scene that you think about a lot?

21. Is there any unwritten fic that you don't know if you ever will write?

ahh thank you! <3 giving u a big hug in my mind

15. yes! at the moment, it's a scene coming soon ish in the Texas fic! It's going to be (minor spoiler) Lupe playing with Jess' hair in an unexpected moment, and in a way that's kinda odd. I like the idea because it is a moment of physical affection and closeness, but it's not the typical tenderness that is usually in a romance. Lupe is goofy and I'll die on that hill. I think it will be sweet and a little silly, and I'm looking forward to writing it!

16. in terms of my published stuff, I don't think there's anything in particular I think of more than others, but maybe the 'transitive head' (idk what to call it??) scene in the October chapter of I've nowhere to be. I sometimes randomly remember that I came up with that premise and am a little surprised at myself. It's a little bizarre, I like how it turned out!

unpublished, there is a partial draft I have that's just fun and sexy bar shenanigans, inspired by a lady gaga song <3. but I don't know if I'll ever finish/publish it because I have a hard time writing within the 1943 season (even short little things) since I started writing the post-season angle (only 2 fics into my ao3 career lol). I think it's because Lupe's injury and coach/team position and frequent bar visits are all big and very relevant points that I find difficult to honor at the same time as dedicating a fic to a non-canon romance. I usually write Lupe POV and I don't wanna brush over all that (even though obviously she carries these things with her post-season)! I feel like I lose grip on the characterization to not get into all that, but at the same time need to narrow the focus to write something that's any good. there is just too much stuff in the canon for me to balance it all! I really commend the writers who manage it so well.

I also have a 1944 fun in the locker room fic that's honestly just baseball uniform based smut, which I think about posting pretty often. maybe! really the only reason I haven't is because I don't think I write sex very well lmao

21. YES! I would like to write something about Lupe teaching Esti how to use her camera (and instantly regretting it). I have some ideas for it! Just not sure how I'd go about it. Possibly both Lu & Esti POVs. Jess is obviously there too. Because of the reasons I mentioned before and Esti's ostracization from the rest of the team, it'd probably be set in 1944. I'm not sure if I'll ever get to it though, or if I'll take these ideas into the final chapter of just peachy instead. the last chapter of that is going to be Esti (eventually), and I have 3 different drafts of it and they all feel wrong lol. hence why it's not finished yet. I love Esti sm but she's hard to write, because we get so little of her in the show and even her background interactions are sparse :( I want to do her justice!! so I refuse to post something I'm not satisfied with

thank you!!! <3 <3 <3

fics ask game!

[go-follow-vibingouthere]

Kaimelia Fic Update/Sneak Peek

For anyone that cares...

I'm still writing the post 18x20 Kaimelia fic I posted about 2 months ago lol. Had a bit of an identity crisis after graduating college + the hyper fixation was becoming less... hyper, so I haven't actually worked on it since late June until this week. RN I've got ~3.5k words that are actually useable and good and another ~13k (I know 🙃) of... Over stuff lol (some of it's useable, some of it's redundant, etc.). I won't post it until it's done; I hate disappointing people and wouldn't wanna get anyone's hopes up just to never finish it. I am fucking DETERMINED to get this out before the new season starts.

However... Because I'm a glutton for attention and I know the fandom is in a drought rn... I wanna give y'all a sneak peek of the first 500 words or so. Without further ado:

Kai had never kissed anybody in the rain before… It was nice. Like a scene from a movie. Kai could imagine some grandiose love song playing in the background of this moment, the music swelling when Amelia’s lips met their own. Picture-perfect…

It had been a long day. A long few weeks, really. Whatever anxiety Kai had experienced during that dinner party, surrounded by Amelia’s intimidating web of a family, had only increased after their semi-break up on the swings; and, with it, came wave after wave of self-loathing, anger, and despair. They couldn’t eat, they couldn’t work, they couldn’t sleep, they couldn’t function.

Not even the paper being published—years and years of work and effort finally being recognized—was enough to lift their spirits. Every potentially happy thought about it—every stray thought they’d had since the last time they were in Seattle—just led back to her. Their text to her upon hearing the news (“thinking of you”) wasn’t a lie: if anything, it was an understatement.

The irony plagued them. They had once boasted to Amelia that they needed very little sleep to function and look where that had landed them: impulse buying a plane ticket to Seattle after another restless 24 hours, running through the airport to make it on time, all 6’ 1” of them jammed into a middle seat on a rickety Spirit Airlines flight, their hastily packed carry-on containing nothing but two shirts, pajama bottoms, underwear, and a toothbrush. All without a shred of hope to cling to that she’d even want to see them, let alone take them back.

But she did… at least, tentatively.

She was kissing them, in the rain, and Kai felt like they could finally breathe again. The risk of drowning at sea was averted: her presence alone pushed their exhausted, waterlogged mind back to shore. The monumental pain of their actions was gone. The weight and stress that had sat in their shoulders and upper back had finally dissipated. Relief flooded over them and they were left to ponder happier ideas… like which movies had the best rain kiss scenes.

(They managed The Notebook, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Spider-Man, A Cinderella Story, and that one episode of Friends before Amelia pulled away for breath, her forehead slumped against theirs.)

The rain was getting worse by the second; having started as barely a sprinkle, it was now quickly becoming a considerable downpour. They could feel their hair getting heavier, sticking to their forehead in odd spots, matted after Amelia’s handiwork.

Her hands eventually came down to rest on their shoulders. They stayed breathing each other’s breath, eyes closed and hands still, for a long time, quiet despite the environmental rage surrounding them…

They were tempted to kiss her again, being that close for so long. And they nearly did. Hesitantly brushing their nose alongside hers, receiving no comments or requests to stop, they brought their hand up to her cheek, ready to join their lips again and—

“Amelia!” someone called out from the hospital exit, their voice carrying over the dense rain.

The bubble popped.

Hope you enjoyed :) I hope to have it out in full beginning/mid-September.

[internetgremlin-writes]

wow wow wow, i read redemption and tbh I was never a fan of the "dom" part of smut but you completely changed my mind omg. I literally love the backstory you gave on Carlos, it added so much to the tension for me and I also absolutely love it when authors make the reader part of the social media team. Idk, maybe that's my new career goal but it literally sounds like so much fun. But I just also wanted to type that before you posted the first chapter of flat spin, I was literally craving any Carlos content bc I had seen it all LMAO. I'm so grateful that you spend your own personal time to writing anything at all, like damn, I wish I could pay you for this omg. Sorry for ranting, I'm just glad that an author loves Carlos too and I'm also in my feelings lol. I wanted to ask, what made you start writing for f1 drivers?? Sending lots of love <3

Okay I'm sorry for making you wait a bit for this I wanted to be able to sit down and give you a proper answer so (also never apologise for ranting at me a long ask/comment is worth EVERYTHING)

Firstly thank you so so SO MUCH for this ask, hearing things like this make me feel so appreciated and valued as a writer it honestly makes me so emotional it's hard to express haha

Also I'm so glad you liked the backstory I went with, the idea hit me when I was in the middle of baking and I was like idk how people will feel but it was so fun to write and yes omg social media team is a very fun role to write. I think because theres a lot of freedom as we don't fully know what goes on behind the scenes??

Okay and then the last bit: what made me start writing for F1?

This is such an interesting question and it comes down to a couple things so I'm gonna try and break it down so it's not a rambling essay lol

So I've always been the kind of person who has a lot going on in my head. I have the "running commentary" voice in my head and paired with an over active imagination it goes a bit nuts sometimes. I often find myself inserting people or characters into my daily life that I find familiar or comforting and just like imagining they're with me or chatting to me etc and I also find myself daydreaming a lot and imagining myself in their universes and how I'd interact/where I'd fit in so most of my fic ideas spring from those moments where I'll be stewing on this one scenario for a while or repeatedly and then I find once I start writing it down it's really easy to start fleshing it out

When I got into F1 it was actually right in the middle of the revision period for my exams and I wasn't initially that interested but I kept getting F1 tiktoks and my dad has followed it since before I was born so it's always been a sort of background constant and I've always known the main names/championship fighters so it kind of came quite naturally. Especially when I started getting the funnier videos of like the radios and interview clips.

And then because I'm me and I'm out of control I started thinking this guy who kept singing Smooth Operator on the radio and making jokes about owning a Golf was kind of funny and because I'm quite good at putting 2+2 together and spiralling with the answer I quickly worked out he was called carlos and he was cute af

So I started reading a couple of carlos/reader fics and slowly getting my head around who the other drivers were and the sport side of it

Anyway that's all background, I started writing Flat Spin during my exams because I was getting really stressed and needed some comfort. The initial idea for it came from hanging out in bed alone and feeling a bit sorry for myself, which turned into "how would carlos comfort someone after a bad race?" And as you can see it spiralled from there. And then because I have an overactive imagination and poor self control by the time I'd done with exams and had a week off I'd accidentally knocked up a plan for a full fic scenario and I was really excited about it

I'm also not gonna lie and say I'm not inspired by other peoples works, I quite often read a fic and then am like wow I love this idea I love this universe and my own takes and ideas kind of blossom and bounce off those

And then Flat Spin blew up and I started getting a flood of new followers/comments/asks/notes etc which was hugely lovely and motivating

Couple that with me becoming fully invested in F1 and realising I'm fond of most of the drivers and also that the setting of the sport and the paddock is so diverse and interesting that there are so many different ways you can explore characters interacting, different jobs and relationships, places all over the world gives SO MUCH versatility and that's really exciting when you have the room to write and explore within a "universe" without things feeling repetitive, boring and recycled it was just a perfect outlet to branch my fanfiction into

I also just love RPF and real world based works over true fantasy. I'm actually in several other fandoms that I don't write for just because I feel they're too complex and I couldn't do it justice

I am aware that was huge so

Tldr; creating comfort content for myself, realising there was a very positive and active audience, the environment and aesthetic of F1 lends itself to so many different opportunities it's so much fun

[itsclydebitches]

Re: the bird

You know how it's common knowledge that Neo was not invented until like, literal days before her first appearance, so the reason nobody in the entire scene reacts to her is because the scene was already basically done and then they just went back in and slapped Neo into the background?

I think that's what happened to the bird. To me, it looks like the scene was pretty obviously animated without the bird having been thought up, so it goes: 1. Ruby enters woods, looks around in vague interest and confusion, 2. Ruby tries to leave section of woods only to find herself back where she was, 3. Ruby rinses and repeats a few times, growing frustrated, 4. Ruby realizes she can't leave and so stops to reflect on the *everything* she's dealing with.

And then somebody said "wouldn't it be funny if there was a giant multicolored bird squawking loudly and exaggeratedly as it flaps around directly beside her lol" and nobody bothered to tell them that such a "joke" throws off the tone of the scene, for one, and that it would look really fucking unnatural for Ruby to gaze around at the trees, rocks, vines, and shrubbery, while COMPLETELY IGNORING AND FAILING TO SO MUCH AS GLANCE AT the huge multicolored funny-looking comically-flapping loudly-squawking bird that was superimposed to steal all the audience's attention.

At least they bothered to give the bird a voice actor lol. Instead of deciding at random "what if the character is mute" as a last-minute explanation when they realized they didn't have time to hire one, thus why Neo is written to be *silent*, but no one ever bothered to research any sign language or anything so she just sort of exists quietly for years while also unintentionally playing into the harmful trope of a majority of disabled characters being villains and a majority of villains being disabled

Anon that's a really good point.

Because those of us analyzing RWBY have tried to source claims more often lately to distinguish from common knowledge and rumors that get out of hand, if you're interested the admission is here, starting just a little before the 55 minute mark. To pull the most relevant excerpt:

“I lost count of the number of times [Monty] had ideas for new moments or new characters the week that the episode came out and then we had to… you guys understand, Neo didn’t exist until about ten days before her debut..."

So yeah, this is very much something that RT has done in the past. In the same panel there's discussion of how they want to ensure that everything major is planned out — comparing RWBY to Lost which honestly annoys me because Lost was actively working to try something new + had the writer's strike to content with + overall it was a TOTALLY different situation, so trying to compare the two is ehhhh imo — but at the same time they don't want to be too rigid because something "cool" might come along. Which, in a very general sense, is an approach I agree with. However, Neo's existence (alongside other major additions like the Maidens) tells me that RT doesn't have all the major aspects planned out because if they did they wouldn't have needed to add another character into an already finished episode so that, down the line, they had a good reason for how Roman escapes. That reason would already exist. In reality, RWBY is a combination of "Add it to fix a problem we haven't solved yet" as well as "Add it just because it's cool, ignoring what problems that creates" which in no way sells the idea they actively try to push: that they've got the story totally mapped out and are only adding supplemental additions that they think will improve the product as a whole.

It's also worth remembering that RWBY's medium does not easily lend itself to such last-minute changes. We've gotten used to hearing authors discuss how their characters suddenly go in a new direction, or someone they never planned for unexpectedly shows up — the whole "They have a mind of their own" idea — but the huge difference there is that any novelist can then re-work the story on their own time, ensuring the addition appears seamless before the book ever makes it to print. As a collaborative project on a hard deadline, a webseries does not have that same level of control, hence the scramble to pull this off in about a week, lacking a voice actor as a result, no one else in the shot interacting with the addition, etc. That's not just the "creative process," that's a lack of planning feeding into impulsive decisions. And though yeah, as a fan favorite Neo arguably worked really well as a last minute addition (minus that concern about how a mute villain comes across in a story already stuffed with ableist writint), that doesn't mean this trend of RT's across the board is a good thing.

All of which is to say: I wouldn't be at ALL surprised if you were right, anon. With the obvious disclaimer that neither of us know if you are — we can't prove anything unless RT were to admit to it — it nevertheless looks like this is another last-minute addition. Yeah, the scene functions like it was fully-formed without the bird, Ruby just stumbling through the same place and only looking at what existed for her at the time of the animation. Then someone went, "The scene would be more dynamic/funny/"cool" if there was a big fantasy bird there" and they threw it in without considering the tone of the scene or, more pressingly, how Ruby is now not engaging with the brightest, loudest, weirdest thing nearby. If anything, I hope that this is the case because RT adding in things last minute like they've done for years is a better explanation for them than the idea that they had the bird from the get-go and just decided that Ruby shouldn't even look at it for... reasons.

[the-kipsabian]

5, 11, 18, and 27 for "Like it Matters, You Can't Escape"

5. What is the perfect environment for you to write in? anything thats calm enough but ever so slightly busy in the background so that my brain doesnt wander but its kept stimulated. like i often have both a single song or a short enough playlist on and put a very few hour simple scenery background video on my big screen (currently been using this cause its moving enough but the transitions are slow and the changes very minor so i can see something moving but its not distracting) and i can keep going for as long as i have inspiration lol. just anything thats not too loud but not too quiet, both visually and audibly

11. If you could only write angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your life, which would it be? hooonestly probably angst? i dont do smut anyways and i feel like theres so much well done fluff already out there that i contribute very little to it lol. and angst has always been my cup of tea anyways and its a good way to work with my feelings so. yeah that one lol

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene. OKAY SO. theres the part in second chapter of immortal fears, the last bit where oc runs into kip. admittedly a lot of this was accidental until i realized what i had done with it, but the fact that kip emerges from the shadows in a very similar way than he did in the first chapter to confront cassidy was just like. yeah. again, accidental, but the moment i noticed the repetition was like 'okay yeah yep this is gonna be a thing now OKAY'. i just love that part a lot anyways, cause theres also a good amount of foreshadowing in it with how they talk about each others friends and relationships in that short bit, and how kip is showing general concern towards cassidy and whats going on with him - again repetition from the first chapter, but also a good groundwork for the future of how this (at this point still hateful) relationship will develop as kip tries to get under cassidys skin. i just really loved how it mostly accidental came together like. after having not really written a lot of stuff in a long while at that point, it just felt SO GOOD to realize and look at it happening. god im so proud of that second chapter tbh

27. If you were ever to do a sequel to [x fic], what do you think might happen in it? hmm. now that i think about it, theres potentially two options for that. one being a role reversal, so its more or less a similar situation (or one that can be viewed as very similar through the parallels) but instead of kip having the breakdown, its cassidy, and kip has to help him pick up the pieces (both physically and mentally). or, alternatively, we do a similar scene, but show kips improvement and how he would handle the situation now after hes been cared for a lot more and he has learned to more or less handle himself again. time doesnt heal it changes you etc etc.

fic writing questions ~