#i can try and do my best without guidelines but it can be hard for me to decide what people might find interesting

[prollywolly]

hiii I was wondering if you could write how the jjk men would be in the shower with you?👀

Showers with the JJK Men

summary: what taking a shower with the jjk men would be like [includes: gojo satoru, kento nanami, choso, suguru geto, ryomen sukuna]

warnings: mdni! mentions of shower sex, obviously being in the nude, language, fluff, 18+, smut (lots of dirty words lolol), and fluff!

word count: 2k

a/n: hooray for my first request!! i absolutely loved writing this and i hope everyone can see this in their heads the way i did when i was thinking of what they would all be like! Remember that my requests are open and you’re more than welcome to ask anything that’s within the guidelines posted on my page! i hope you all enjoy, thank you for reading!! <3

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

gojo:

showers with gojo are 50/50

they’re either very sensual and domestic, filled with nothing more than whispering sweet nothings into each others ears while you let the warm water wash the suds off your bodies

or they’re absolutely filthy and make you feel like you need another shower by the time he’s done with you.

gojo can be easy to read when he comes home only because of how clingy he is with you

it’s always been pretty easy to read him in your relationship because he makes it known how much he loves being babied by you and/or taking care of you

on a night where he’s exhausted and really just needs you to wash his hair for him and kiss the boo boos away, he’ll be more than happy to tell you.

“such a long day baby… i’m too lazyyyyyy to shower.”

you’re already getting the warm water going.

he’s like putty in your hands the second that your nails start to lather up that shampoo onto his scalp. 

he’s fallen asleep a couple times sitting on the floor of the shower while you just finish rinsing his hair and body off.

he loves when you use your body wash on his skin because he loves curling up in bed knowing that he smells like you.

“thank you baby, what would i do without you?”

he really doesn’t wanna think about the answer to that question.

then, there’s the days where satoru can’t keep his hands off you from the moment he steps through the door.

“c’mere baby, missed you s’much,” 

he then proceeds to fuck you against the glass door of your shower and it’s so obscene it looks like it’s straight out of a porno

the warm water splashes onto the glass and cascades down with each flick of his hips

you always have to brace yourself on the glass and end up unconsciously creating that all-too-familiar steamy handprint that ends up staying on the glass even after the steam from the water clears

shower sex with gojo is always so rough only because he’s pent up from everything that happened during the day and it’s the first time he gets to release everything

“y’feel good pretty girl? tell me how it feels, yeah?”

y’all waste so much water, the water bill looks CRAZY every month 

nanami: 

HUSBANDDDDD UGHHHHHH

we all know how hard working and dedicated kento is

although he does love showering with you when you guys need to get ready quickly for your day…

he much prefers to take long soaks with you in your bathtub to wind down after a long day much more.

you guys have so many scented bubble bath solutions, vanilla and coconut scented body washes that you like to caress into each others skin, it’s truly so raw and vulnerable

kento will never turn down bath time.

there’s been days where he works himself to the bone and is so exhausted, but knowing that you’ll have the bath ready for him when he comes home is the only thing that seems to make him push even further

as a gag gift one christmas, you got kento a small removable table to hook onto each side of the porcelain that had small sections for your laptop, some snacks, and his occasional glass of wine

he genuinely uses it every time and will never let you live down the “best gift he’s ever received”

on the most trying of days, he loves having you on top of him, letting yourself slowly sink onto his cock and just bury your face into his neck

your insides feel just as warm as the bubbly water you two are surrounded in and he finds solace in the jolts of pleasure he gets whenever he slightly adjusts himself in the tub

riding him softly in the tub is his guilty pleasure 

he loves the domesticity and vulnerability of fucking his lover while you share a bath

he’s a family man through and through

the sorcerer job and corporate job are endured, to be able to provide for a family in the future, but for now?

everything is for you. He loves coming home to you every single day and being able to see you waiting for him so eagerly <3 

choso: 

choso works so hard to be the best brother and family member that he can be

family-oriented was invented after examining his dynamic and his role in his family

but even the strongest need their time to wind down.

which is exactly what showers are for.

being a curse, choso finds domesticity and humanity in the intimate things he shares with you

showers are his times to just turn off his brain and let you work your magic

you take such good care of him, he doesn’t know what he would do without you

the way you tenderly lather his scalp with the shampoo and conditioner, the way you take your time to wash his body and massage his aches from the day

sometimes he thinks about the family he wants to create with you in those moments, and those are the moments where he wakes up from his trance and pounces on you.

one second you’re washing the suds off his body, the next you’re pressed up against the shower wall as he viciously pounds you from behind.

he’ll turn you around to face him while he fucks you only because he can see the future of his bloodline in your eyes 

you take him so well, never ever complain about how full he stuffs you of himself

“takin’ me so well, love… gonna fuck a pretty baby into you, hm?”

he’ll grit his teeth and hiss as he pumps his cum inside of you, watching some of it trickle down your inner thighs as they quiver and buckle from the loss of his cock 

and then he’ll go right back to wanting to be babied

as you get out of the shower, the two of you will get dressed and he’ll throw himself on top of you

you’ll caress his freshly washed hair and he relishes in the scent of the body wash you use, fully aware that not even two minutes ago you were taking his dick like a slut

he’s so ready to start a family with you, and to still share moments like these even when you’re old and gray.

suguru:

showers with suguru are a taste of the finer things in life

he’s so gentle with you once you’re both under the water

his long locks will cascade down his shoulders, dripping as he caresses your arms and shoulders

“‘ts okay darling, i’m here.” 

he loves to run his fingers through your hair after he applies the conditioner

his fingers just slide through so effortlessly and he obsesses over the soft sighs that fall from those pretty candied lips of yours

nonetheless, the appreciation for running fingers through hair goes both ways 

washing suguru’s hair for the first time made you fall in love with him all over again

he’ll shut his eyes and throw his head back as you gently lather the products into his hair

he has a pine scented shampoo and conditioner scent that give him such a manly, musky scent

it’s intoxicating

suguru is always so tense, always overthinking about everything from the day

showers used to be a privilege with you two

now?

they’re daily requirements.

he’s always visibly more relaxed after a nice shower, throwing his long hair into an easy bun as he cuddles up with you in bed

it always leads to soft sex

he affirms his love with each calculated stroke, making sure to dig his hips into you just so you can feel how much he yearns to be inside you; to love you.

you’ll brush the stray hairs that fall from his bun and he’ll press his lips to yours and swallow your gorgeous moans, drinking them like the finest wine money can buy

suguru will never be able to shower without you

and you’re both more than okay with that. 

sukuna: 

showers with sukuna used to be unheard of

keyword: used.

the first time you showered with sukuna was very much like walking on eggshells

you weren’t afraid of him, per say, but more afraid to do something that he wouldn’t like.

his stoic personality was still mighty as ever, a permanent smirk resting on his face as he watched you begin to wash yourself

it started with you gently tracing the black markings on his back with your index finger

he was turned to face the water, washing the shampoo out of his hair when he felt the small tickle of your fingernails tracing his skin

goosebumps rose on his skin despite the piping hot water that fell over the both of you

he stood up taller and you were sure that you had fucked up

you remained silent and went back to washing yourself, but sukuna was never going to let himself admit that he missed your touch

he prayed and prayed to himself that you’d test your luck again, pretending to wash some soap out of his eye nearly six times before he’d finally gotten fed up

“can you just hurry up and do it again?!”

you’ve never been more confused in your life.

“d-do what ‘kuna?”

sukuna grumbled to himself before grabbing your hand and placing it firmly on the black ink sprawled across his chest

you looked up at him and couldn’t quite make out the look he was giving you, but you knew exactly what he wanted from you

once more, your finger danced over the ink softly and left sukuna sighing with relief

“...feels good.”

little by little, you made your way up to being able to wash his hair and body, through trial and error of course

but sukuna will never ever get over the way you touch him so benign. he’s the king of curses, a mass murderer, yet here he was crumbling beneath your touch like a weakling

“if you’re gonna do it, do it right,”

he’s just a spoiled brat underneath that harsh exterior, but you knew how to crack him

[feybeasts]

I really don’t know if this is like. For anyone. But as a 33 year old autistic, I’ve spent a lot of time having to deal with a wide variety of folks in various jobs, and it’s forced me out of my shell. I dunno if you’d call ‘em masking behaviors or just… guidelines, but I thought I’d share some stuff about how I try to go about dealing with socializing with folks, especially neurotypicals, in the hopes it might help folks like me who, growing up, didn’t have a rulebook for this stuff.

It’s by no means comprehensive, but maybe some of you can use it:

Open with kindness, folks are a mystery until you get to know them, but if you’re polite and assume the best unless proven otherwise, nine times out of ten, they’ll be the same way!

If someone is rude or disrespectful or unkind off the bat, it truly is a problem on their end, not yours. I know that’s one your parents might have thrown out without explaining, but genuinely, my experience has been that people aren’t good about compartmentalization, and they tend to let their bad mood spill out.

Similarly, it’s your right to disengage if someone makes you uncomfortable. You don’t owe someone your attention if they’re rude or too forward, and it’s not your obligation to correct their behavior. It’s okay to just move on!

Remember people aren’t mind readers- I know for folks like us, feelings can be Big and Present and Overwhelming, but from the outside, people might just assume you’re being sullen or grumpy. It’s helpful to explain yourself, what’s going on- don’t give ‘em your life’s story and try to lead with kindness, as above, but explaining where your head is at can help folks understand why things might be hard for you.

People REALLY like to try to fix stuff. If you tell someone who cares about you what’s going on and they try to throw a buncha stuff like “well have you tried this” or “maybe you should do this” at you, they’re generally not trying to tell you what to do like you’re wrong, they’re just not sure how to help and are doing what comes naturally- trying to fix the problem. It can help to open any venting with “hey, can I vent about this?” Since then the expectations are set.

People can only operate on the information they have, so it’s better to over-explain than not explain at all. Don’t throw out every single detail of what’s going on, just the basics, but “I’m feeling frustrated because of some unexpected news” or “Well, I’m kinda struggling with my relationship with a friend” can be enough for folks to understand things at the ground floor.

There are very few people in your life who are capable of taking on the weight of a friend’s problems on top of their own, and it takes time to learn who those people are. I know folks like us can make friends quickly and rush into trusting them implicitly, but people can sometimes take a while to show you who they are. And not every friendship is gonna be as deep as we’d like it to be. This is okay, of course, not everyone has to be best buds, but it can help a lot to take the time to wait for those people to show who they are.

Ask questions, listen to people, and know that it’s okay for there to be silence. It’s very easy to get excited about what’s stuck in your craw on a given day, but remember that from the outside, people might get worn out if every conversation is about what you’re fixated on. It’s a give and take, so try to consciously remind yourself to make sure to listen and give them room to speak too! It means a lot when you do that for people!

When you don’t know if someone is ignoring you or if they’re mad at you or what have you from a lack of information, remember that oftentimes it’s a product of ignorance, not malice. Again, you know how you feel about a situation, but they probably don’t. A conversation turning from what you were talking about, someone ceasing replying to you, not answering a question, etc is more often just unaware than they are actively being malicious.

Remember that it’s on other folks to tell you if there’s a problem between them and you, not on you to sleuth it out. If they aren’t properly communicating with you, that’s on them, not you- try not to beat yourself up if someone doesn’t talk to you about something before a molehill becomes a mountain, that’s a mistake all kinda folks make, and it’s something some people never learn.

Most of all, remember that for all the talk of social cues and neurotypical behavior, the truth is, everyone kinda… sucks at this social thing. All you really control is how you approach it, so if you do your best to come into a relationship of any kind with kindness and love for yourself and respect for others, most of the time you’ll come out ahead!

ADDENDUM: BIG one here- if you think you did something wrong, apologize! I don’t mean a big like- sobbing show of contrition, don’t grovel or write paragraphs, but if you speak over someone or say something that doesn’t land or make any little social mistake here or there (everyone does sometimes!) a simple little genuine “oh, my apologies!” Or “oop, my bad!” Not only makes them feel better, it can make you feel better too!

Hope some of these help folks!

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Winter's King 2

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, cheating, violence, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You are a maid to the Duke of Debray, a lord of the Summer Kingdom. That is, until the king of Winter appears with his particular air of coldness. (Medieval AU)

Characters: Geralt of Rivia

Note: we vibing.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Jazlene comes to with a wispy sigh. You back up and stand as her mother helps her to her feet. The king is back at the table, unbothered by the overcome maiden. Lord Dustan hovers between, torn by loyalty to his liege and his family. New liege, that is. Only yesterday, he was toasting to good King Waleran. 

“My apologies, your highness,” Jazlene fans herself with her hand, “I was only surprised. I didn’t... How could I expect this? To marry a king?” She reaches down to grip her mother’s arm, shakily stepping forward towards the king who doesn’t even glance up from the table of maps, “I promise to you, your highness, I will be a good wife to you.” 

The king tilts his head, tracing a finger along a ridge of mountains, then leans in to examine the riverbeds below. Jazlene looks at her mother, an expression of concern on her pretty features. She is rarely ignored, if at all. She will make sure that she isn’t. 

“Lord Dustan, I expect the dowry will be served along with your men and my kingdom,” the king declares, “but now, I find myself fatigued. A hard day’s ride sees me in need of bath and a bed.” 

Dustan bows his head, “and so you will have it, your highness. I will send down for water--” 

“Have the maid see to it,” the king waves his hand vaguely in your direction, “certainly a servant is a servant.” 

“Yes, your highness, how wise,” Dustan simpers, as he often does to men with titles above his own. “You,” the duke turns and snaps his fingers, “you heard the king. He requires hot water in his chamber.” 

You keep your head down, “yes, my lord.” 

You spin without hesitation. You’re all too happy to be free of the noble intrigue. It is rather easier to be unseen and unthought of. It has ever kept you from envying these ladies and their silks and these lords and their golden signets. 

Your flight is fleet. You rush down the corridor and to the wide stairwell. You descend with your mission and pass Merinda as she paces listlessly outside the kitchens. She stops you with an arm across your path. 

“There are whispers,” she says lowly, “of who visits. Is it true?” 

You look at her. You don’t know if you should say. It isn’t her place and you don’t know what they say. There is rather much gossip in castles. 

“It is,” she hisses, “you don’t need to say it. You are a poor liar and when you say nothing, I know that is the reason.” 

Your lips pinch and you give her a look, “I have been sent to draw a bath.” 

“Oh, is the lady in need of her evening boil?” Merinda snickers. 

“Not her.” 

Merinda quiets and tilts her head, “...him?” 

“The king,” you answer thinly. 

She nods and steps closer, “is he... I don’t understand. His soldiers, they mill about with our own, they cavort together. Not as enemies. Are they not invading? Do they not mean to take the castle?” 

You tear your eyes away. She’s right, you are a poor liar. You lean in, lips right by her ear, you whisper, “Lord Dustan has new allegiances.” 

She claps her hand over her mouth as you back up. She stares at you with wide eyes. She slowly drops her arm and her lip quivers, “he means to get us all killed.” 

You push your shoulders up, “think only of today. It’s all we can do. Oh, do you know where the king’s chambers would be?” 

“Mm, they took his saddlebags to the ivory room. I think there,” she answers, “do you require assistance?” 

“Stay here,” you gird, “he is a brusque man.” 

That only seems to worry her more as her face twists. You can’t help but feel the same inside but you do your best not to let it show. You leave her and carry on to your task. 

You put the kitchen hands to boiling water and send a few others to find a tub to bring to the king’s chambers. You help where you can and take the first bucket up. You pour it into the large tub in the ivory room and return for second, a third, a forth, and fifth. There will be many more even as your arms ache and your nap slickens with sweat. 

Upon the eight, when the tub looks near halfway, the chamber is not empty. You’re surprised by the king’s presence as the door remains ajar. You pour the water with a low apology and diligent ‘your highness.’ He doesn’t respond. 

There is much to go still. Back down, up again, hot water splashing on your sleeves, singing beneath, dumping it over the edge as you keep your eyes on your work. Do not be more than a piece of furniture. You are only air. 

At the last bucket, you pour slowly, careful not to slosh over the edges. As you right the empty pail, you hear a metal chink. The king growls into a long exhale. You turn towards the door. 

“Close it,” he commands, “you will remain.” 

You’re happy he cannot see the look on your face. You obey and close the door. You turn back, standing by the pillar of the door frame, as you often do, and begin your vigil. It should not be unexpected that he may require you to fetch something further for him. 

Your eyes catch the bottom of his mail as he lifts it over his head. No, don’t look. He undresses, leather creaking, fabric rustling, pacing as he strips away each piece. You grip the rope handle of the bucket. He circles the long tub and nears you. You cower, bracing. You are not noticed, you are not approached, unless it is for rebuke. 

He grabs the bucket by the brim and tugs. You let it go. He turns and sets it on the floor away from you. You push your hands together, stilling a tremble. He wears only his breeches and you catch a glimpse of the thatch of hair along his thick stomach. You gulp and twine your fingers through each other. 

He turns away and crosses the room. You listen to the fabric fall from around his hips. Your eyes bore into the floorboards. The water shifts as he climbs into the tub and you listen to him groan as he lowers himself into the depths. The steam mingles with the tension of his silence. 

He sighs and stirs the water. The lull persists as you wait. He will need wine or food.  

“Come,” he bids and your eyes flick up. The tub conceals much of his lower body as his thick shoulders and arms stretch around the brim. “I have a knot.” 

You approach hesitantly, unsure where to aim your eyes the closer you get. He gestures around his head, “stand behind me.” 

You do as he tells you. 

He sits up slightly and bends his head forward, lifting his white hair out of the way, “here.” 

He points along the muscle beside his neck. It’s thick, just like all of him. You’ve never seen a man built like that. There are stringy barn boys and tubby cooks.  

You stare and raise a hand, hovering it over his muscle. Are you supposed to touch him? He is a king and you are a servant. You are a servant sold out of pig shit into servitude. 

His large hand reaches for yours and he guides it down. You shake before he lets you go. You feel the muscle, almost curious, and rub lightly. He makes a noise but you’re unsure of its tenor. 

“Harder,” he demands, “squeeze,” he shows his hand, making a kneading motion, “you cannot hurt me.” You do as he says. You squeeze and he rests his hand against the tub, “harder,” he repeats. 

You obey. 

His head hangs as his long strands touch the water. You bring your other hand up as your efforts make your tendons sore. He lets out shallow breaths and hissing groans. Your chest thumps at the sounds that rise from him. 

“Your master has broken his oath and sworn a new one to me. And you, does that make me your master as well? If I am your master’s master?” He asks slyly. 

You focus on your hands, “your highness?” 

“Answer, don’t be afraid. Liars bore me.” 

You sniff and mull your reply. You don’t know. You don’t have much of a choice in the matter. 

“Lord Dustan is my master. I am bound to serve him.” 

He snorts and lifts his head. You rescind your touch but he reaches back to latch onto your again. He tugs you forward, placing your hand back on his shoulder. 

“Softer now,” he instructs. You rub his damp flesh as he bends a leg, his knee poking above the water. “You, a servant, so low, and you are more loyal than any man with a title.” 

“Your highness, I must serve.” 

“As he must. Did he not swear himself to the old king? Eh? War does muddy the waters,” he muses, “coin does test old ties.” 

You say nothing. Your comment isn’t warranted or wanted. You know better. Jazlene taught you only to answer when asked. 

“Very well,” he taps your fingers, “I feel better. You have a kind touch.” 

You back away and wipe your hands on your apron. He hangs his head back and puffs. He closes his eyes. You watch the white waves made wilder by the humidity of the bath. 

“I hate sleeping in strange places,” he says, “you will stay for the eve.” 

You tuck your chin down and fold your hands together. Your scalp sweats beneath your cap, your shorn locks itchy with the heat. You wet your lips and force out the air trapped in your chest, “yes, your highness. As my master bid, I will serve you.” 

He says nothing more as he leans back against the tub completely. His large arms frame the metal and his hands wrap around the edges. He closes his shining eyes in recline, the water still and steaming. He stays that way until the damp heat dissipates. You stand locked in his thrall. 

He sits forward suddenly, the water stirring with his movement. He turns his hand and beckons with his thick fingers. 

“A bath sheet,” he demands. 

You go to the chest in the corner and open it. You retrieve a folded swath of fabric and bring it to him. He stands as you unfold the length of linen to obscure his form. Your eyes are on the ceiling as the water slakes from his figure and he looms large above you. 

He steps out, close to you, and puts his hands over yours. He pulls the sheet around his body, your arms too. He releases you only as he adjusts the fabric around his waist and you retract with humiliation nipping in your cheeks. You lean back on your heel as you shrink in his shadow. 

“Your highness, do you require refreshment? Wine? Sweetmeats?” 

“I did not ask for it,” he says, “I am tired.” 

“Apologies, your highness.” 

“Do not apologise for doing your duty. Would be a fairer world if more were so diligent.” 

He turns and strides away. There’s a knapsack and bedroll against the wall. He keeps one hand on the sheet and unbuckles the flap, reaching within and tugging out a bed shirt. He drops the sheet away and your eyes flit away from his nakedness. He has no shame but you are merely a servant. He shouldn’t care for your witness. 

He swipes the fabric over his head and it falls just to his thighs, concealing just enough to have him decent. His thick legs are trimmed in dark hair and the muscles are taut beneath his skin. He faces the bed and pulls back the quilt and linen. He pauses and looks up at you. 

“Will you sleep afoot then?” He wonders. 

“Your highness?” You wince. “I must...” you peer around, “empty the bath.” 

“Must you? Stagnant water can wait,” he insists. “Come.” 

You waver, skirts rippling around your legs. You step forward and stagger. 

“The lantern, your highness?” You inquire. 

“Douse the light if you will,” he allows. “And come.” 

You do as he bids and snuff out the flame. Your vision is left blackened and formless. You reach out blindly, realising your error too late. You can’t see much as you walk warily towards the bed. The heavy curtains are shut and block out the sliver of moonlight. 

Your knees hit the bed and you gasp. You catch yourself before you can fall forward, leaning against the mattress. You’re stuck like that, uncertain if you should go forward or back. Something wraps around your wrist, a stolid heat. 

“I often sleep with my horse,” the king says as he draws you onto the bed. “I need a warm body close.” 

You go rigid as you let him command your body. He guides you to lay down and tugs the bedclothes over you. The damp specks on your dress and apron cling to your skin. He leads your head over his thick arm as he lays on his back neck to you. You stare into the endless void of the canopy. 

“The horse smells much worse and snores,” he muses, his arm curling around your shoulders, offering a more comfortable rest for your head and neck. You quiver at being so close. It is an odd request but you daren’t decline it. “Be still,” his other hand comes to touch your sleeve, “and sleep. I only mean to ease my own unrest.” 

You close your eyes and exhale. Your heart is pounding and your body is tingling. You don’t think you can sleep with the surge flowing through you. He sighs and shifts slightly. You lay there, in silence, only the noise of his breath and yours to fill the castle walls. 

“I am awake,” he says. “Speak to me, maid. Tell me, where do you lay your head on nights where a king does not trouble you?” 

You wiggle slightly. Your spine is uncomfortable at the flatness but not worse than your usual fare. You bring your hand over your chest and fist your fingers tight. 

“On a bag of hay with Merinda,” you utter smally, pushing your legs together as you arch your back slightly. Your hips are tight. 

You’re startled as the bed jostles and he grips your hip. He rolls you onto your side, his touch lingers as he pulls you against him. He is as hot as a hearth. 

“Merinda?” He repeats. 

“Another handmaid, your highness.” 

He hums and drags his hand away from your hip. He blows out a great heavy and grunts. His arm curls around you snugly. 

“I hope I am preferable to that bag of hay,” he mutters and the tension seeps away from his form. “Though perhaps just as prickly.” 

[hereforthehitsbaby]

Hoodie | Cooper Adams/Abbott x F!Reader

Gif Credit to @billy-crudup

Synopsis: I can't keep your love / I can't keep your kiss / Gave you everything and all I got was this

Warnings: She’s angsty babe, Mentions of Murder, The Butcher Mentions, Mentions of Suicide, Cheating/Infidelity, SWAT, Guns, Reader 100% is down bad for Cooper even with what he did, It’s giving Stockholm Syndrome but the reader isn’t captured by him

Rating: PG

Word Count: 4.6K

Author’s Note: You know, you can thank my manic episode for this. Also I know the song has a totally different meaning but, my brain took over and who am I to stop her?

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You'd probably think I was psychotic (if you knew) / What I still got in my closet (sad but true) / I slip it on over my shoulders / Something I'll never get over / It makes me feel a little bit closer to you

Loss; the fact or process of losing something or someone. No one knows how to properly process loss – though there are no guidelines on the correct way. It comes in various shapes and sizes – not always as transparent as it is expected to be. That’s what makes the human experience so different across vast networks, everyone processes emotions in ways not one human can comprehend. It’s the equivalent to time, there are so many seconds whirling by, impossible it is to grasp how many different processors truly run for one emotion. Some cry, some wither away to nothing, some lash out, some lose their sobriety. A slim majority does not react, because to them – why would anything good stick around? Why do they deserve it? Abandonment is a fickle bitch, and something you got too used to knowing.

Learning that people weren’t a permanent staple point in life was the worst thing for you, because then you started to expect everyone to leave, at one time or another. Maybe that was the countless times it has happened to you talking but, it’s a feeling that never leaves the back of your mind. It sits there, claws at parts of your brain you’re not supposed to use, sinking deeper and deeper into every soft part of flesh until it blackens. The rot taking over, making you feel helpless until pulling away is the only option. It’s a vicious cycle that you can never seem to break, no matter how hard you try. Which sucks, expecting the worst when you more than deserve the best. And the best came in the form of an amazing, well educated, humble man.

I can't keep your love / I can't keep your kiss / Gave you everything and all I got was this

You never anticipated falling in love with Cooper Adams, or Abbott as he is now known. But sometimes you cannot anticipate destiny, but only let her play out. All it took for you was a kitten stuck in the stone foundation of your home, coming to find out four different litters were calling it home. Cooper was the one to find them, rescue all fifteen of them, and even adopt one for the station. He stayed with you as he helped to clear out the deceased bodies, as you cried holding their little forms for feeding, and as you nursed them back to full health. He was never without you, only living two houses over. Never would he lie about where he was, his wife knew all too well – but refused to get in the way of Logan and Riley seeing the kittens. She suspected, but never could find reason.

All it took for you to realize Cooper was your person, was when you were ready to leave for work and found him under your car, jacked up and tire freshly replaced. You didn’t even realize you had a flat, Cooper saw it before he was about to leave for work. He knew that your car was your lifeline, working over forty minutes away. He wouldn’t let you suffer like that, out in the cold and all, freezing your ass off with cold fingers. No, he tossed on a hoodie and cap, put himself to work and was rewarded with the promise of dinner. He held you to that, to the kitchen table, to the kitchen island, to the couch, the stairs, and lastly the bedroom – all in one night. You both knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t lie to himself; What he and Rachel had was over the second Logan turned four. They were coexisting in the same house, playing their parts to a tee without any hesitation. They kept to themselves, saying goodbyes and I love yous in front of the kids – but they knew it was done. It was you who made Cooper feel alive again – made him feel loved. He had lost that so long ago he wondered if it was real for him anymore. You’d do anything for him; Lie, hide, and even believe.

It was obvious from your fourth month into this affair that Cooper was The Butcher – an accidental slip up of coming back to you smelling of cleaning product. It was only obvious from the slight chemical irritation on his forearms, the small hives a clear reaction. It wasn’t a firehouse cleaning product but more of a hospital type – meaning that he got his hands on heavy duty stuff, which he could’ve only gotten without being suspicious through your account. Working in the medical field was a blessing but, in that moment you thought for a second it was a curse. You could see the glimmer he had for you brighten with the inclusion of tears welling, heartbroken you’d have to be his next victim. But that all changed once you held Cooper’s face in your hands, rubbing back and forth on his cheeks as you smile proudly; “I accept you, my love. We can manage, I won’t tell a soul.” If he had been honest, Cooper didn’t trust you at first. But when days turned into weeks, and those turned into months with no one coming after him, he knew he hit the jackpot.

I'm still rocking your hoodie / And chewing on the strings / It makes me think about you / So I wear it when I sleep / I kept the broken zipper / And cigarette burns / Still rocking your hoodie / Baby, even though it hurts / Still rocking your

Tonight, Cooper was supposed to come home to you after taking Riley to see Lady Raven, something she worked hard for over the course of six months to go. Cooper was so proud of her and the great report card she had gotten, you were proud of her as well. Lady Raven was her idol, someone she found solace in when her preteen angst was acting up. Cooper wanted to do something special for her; A night she would never forget for the rest of her life. You remember Cooper saying he visited the box office at the arena right before they closed, buying the last floor seats – the closest Riley could get to Lady Raven. It was everything he could’ve hoped for and more – though he wished he remembered to remove the receipt from his wallet, hiding it in case Riley found out. You knew he wouldn’t come over automatically, he still needed to keep the façade up, act like he was still a family man even though all he wanted to do once the kids fell asleep, was be with you.

With the concert starting early during the day, you knew Cooper wouldn’t come back to you until later tonight, around ten or eleven depending. But you missed him; The warmth of his body as he hugged you from behind, the weight of his arms against your chest, the soft feel of his stubble scraping along your cheek as he nuzzled your neck. You both were in a completely different world when you were together, at the door was his first life – with you was his second. Cooper was always adamant on the two lives not touching, which you could understand. But sometimes you wished they did, wished you could be involved in his first life without the repercussions, it was a fucked way of thinking but, nothing with Cooper made you feel rational. It made you want to be the only one – though that could never happen. At the end of the day he was coming home to you, not Rachel, and that would have to do.

The brisk October air flowed through the open living room window so quickly you didn’t hesitate to wrap Cooper’s hoodie around your torso, taking in the musky smell of his cologne and the firehouse. Cooper loved seeing you in his clothing, how happy it made you, how the gleam in your eye shone brighter with every second you wore it. When the first feel cold breeze of autumn rolled through your house a few weeks ago, Cooper quickly discarded the hoodie he had recently gotten from the firehouse, marking the eighteenth-year anniversary that he started. No effort was wasted when he came up behind you, sliding it up your arms and zipping it up neatly. For a few seconds he patted the shoulders down over your form, seeing how it hugged you beautifully. In that moment you saw it in his eyes; Love, he was in too deep too. From that day forward, you never stopped wearing it when he wasn’t home, needing to feel closer to him. To be one with him.

I used to put my hand in your pockets (holding on) / The smell of your cologne is still on it (but you're still gone) / I slip it on over my shoulders / Someone I'll never get over / It makes me feel a little bit closer to you

Grabbing at the shoulder of the hoodie, you brought it to your nose for a deep inhale – smiling softly as you smelled Cooper’s cologne, fresh from the other day. Bergamot and pine invaded your nose, causing your eyes to roll back. There was something so intoxicating about his scent, it drove you silently mad in the best way possible – you didn’t want to let that go for anything in the world. It was your way of feeling like he was with you, when he couldn’t be. Your way of grounding yourself in the moment, planning on what you two would do when he came over. Deep into the fantasy you were creating in the moment, you didn’t hear the racing sound of sirens coming down the street – see the bright flashes of red and blue lights flowing through your home, or hear the screaming until it was too late. “Logan, don’t forget to turn in your science project!”

Your ears perked up at the sound of Cooper’s voice, growing giddy at the fact you were going to see him so soon. Opening your eyes you were met with the flashes of police lights coming from the open curtains, your stomach dropping as you heard the garage door close a few houses away. Cooper. Running from the living room to the front door, you slid on your boots quicker than you could have ever guessed, slamming the door open against the wall. With Cooper’s hoodie still wrapped around your body, you walked quickly down the sidewalk where there was a small crowd gathering, seeing a limo, Rachel, Logan, Riley, and even Lady Raven standing outside of the Adams residence, SWAT officers with their guns drawn as they secured the perimeter of the house. You didn’t know what to believe or ask what was going on. But as soon as Riley and Logan ran past you to another woman’s car, you got your answer.

Rachel turned around in slow motion to see Logan and Riley off, in the midst of it all catching your eye in the crowd. Tears were welling in the corners for you, as hers were bloodshot from crying. Her arms wrapped around herself as she let her eyes roam over your torso, seeing the firehouse symbol with the big 18 in yellow font. Her slack face drew up in confusion, then to realization. Your heart was in your throat as you slowly backed away, trying to get a clear angle in the house to see what Cooper was up to. It was only then that everything caught up in your mind. They found out. They all found out Cooper is The Butcher. Your hands grew clammy, starting to shake at what this all meant. If I am ever found out sweetheart, the only way out of it is to kill myself.

I can't keep your love / I can't keep your kiss / Gave you everything and all I got was this / I'm still rocking your hoodie / And chewing on the strings / It makes me think about you / So I wear it when I sleep / I kept the broken zipper / And cigarette burns / Still rocking your hoodie / Baby, even though it hurts

A sob trickled out of your mouth without you realizing, tears falling heavily as you spun around to face your house. No one was giving you any attention as you cried, all probably thinking someone had died. But to you, he was close to it. With shaky fingers you managed to grab your phone out of the hoodie pocket, unlocking it quickly with your passcode. The first number up in your latest calls was Cooper from earlier today; How excited he was to see Riley so happy, how he was going to make her year with this, how did things go so wrong? Clicking on his name, you brought the phone up to your ear, hearing the three rings before it went to voicemail. “Fuck,” you whimpered, sniffling back a sob you could feel at its crest. Swallowing as you clicked his name again, and again, and again, and again, all until your phone screen went black. “Fuck!” You yelled out as you started to make your way back towards your home, but not before someone caught your arm, spinning you around in place.

You could feel how warm your face was from crying, how the salty tears dried against your cheek uncomfortably. You were shivering but not from the cold, from fear of losing Cooper. Blinking the unshed tears from your eyes, you let your pupils focus on who spun you around, being met with the dull eyes of Rachel Adams, her face stoic, yet scared. “How long?” She whispered, afraid to speak up louder. There was only one right answer, yet you couldn’t muster it out of you. Your mouth fell open to respond but, nothing came out. “Please,” Rachel sighed, her lip in a small pout for a moment as she tried to regulate her emotions. A sad smile came across your lips as you reached forth with your empty hand, holding her hand softly. “I think you know, Rachel.” It was better than giving an exact timeline, and enough to where nosy neighbors didn’t have to know either. Rachel let out the breath she was holding, a fresh wave of tears coating her eyes as she tightened her grasp on your hand. It wasn’t out of malice or anger, but closure. Giving you a smile that matched your own, Rachel rubbed your hand in both of hers, nodding before she walked off to the house.

Still rocking your hoodie / And chewing on the strings / It makes me think about you / So I wear it when I sleep / I kept the broken zipper / And cigarette burns / Still rocking your hoodie / Baby, even though it hurts / Still rocking your

It was time for you to do the same; Needing to charge your phone in case Cooper called. You were hoping he didn’t do anything stupid; you were hoping he was okay. “There’s a tunnel to the neighbors yard, he’s not here!” That was the last you heard before stepping back inside.

-----

Nightfall was upon you, the darkened sky matching your mood as you laid on the couch, phone on the coffee table as the news silently drones on in the background. Your eyes were fixated on the TV, fresh tears you had not been aware of were falling, covering the pillow under your head. It had been over two hours since Cooper was found out to be The Butcher. Every new channel was running the story, posting the clips from the venue of Cooper with Riley and Lady Raven. Reporters were outside of the Adams residence, covering every new detail that came up. You were sure that was highly illegal since it was active scene by the FBI, but you couldn’t find yourself to care. Not when your whole life had just been turned upside down. Your boyfriend found out to be a murderer, his wife knowing he was having an affair, everything was a mess.

Any little sound you heard coming from your window you jumped at, hoping it was Cooper. But alas, it was just another reporter staking themselves out on your lawn, wanting a hit of the newest story from this scene. You needed to see the house, everything. You needed to know if this was all real or a bad dream. Laying around on the couch was only going to get you so far – this would give you closure if he was captured, or if something else had happened. Standing up from your position on the couch, you felt yourself getting lightheaded for a moment, shaking off the imbalance for a moment before moving. As you stretched upwards to cracked everything in you, a visceral scream could be heard around the neighborhood – one full of rage and fear, one that made your hairs stand on end. You didn’t think before your feet took off, tripping over your coffee table as you scrambled out of the back door, not caring that it was left wide open. You were taking off quickly down a few houses to where a bigger crowd was starting to form, everyone in their bathrobes and jackets, trying to get in on a piece of the action.

From your angle at Cooper’s house, you couldn’t see what was happening inside but could see multiple SWAT officers going in and out. One of them had long chained handcuffs in their hand, the ones that were attached to the waist and ankles of the prisoner. The clanking of the chains was muted now by the chatter over the radios, quiet enough so not everyone could hear but, if you focused hard enough you could make it out. “The Butcher has been captured. He’s being cuffed now.” In a way you were happy to hear Cooper was just captured, and not dead. You knew how good he was on his word of suicide, not thinking twice about it but, you didn’t want to live without him. The whole life you two wanted to build together, it may not come true now but – that was okay. There was nothing stopping you from visiting him in prison, having conjugal visits – you’d do anything for him.

If you want it back / If you want it back / I'm here waiting / Come take it back / Come take it back / If you want it back / If you want it back / I'm here waiting / Come take it back / Come take it back

The large presence of officers coming out of the house caused you to focus back on the front door, pushing your way to the front of the crowd to see what was going on. Wearing a blue and red flannel, was your Cooper. Not the clean-cut Cooper the forehouse saw, that his family saw – the one always put together and smiling. No, this was your Cooper; Disheveled hair, manic look in his eyes, a smirk that could light the whole world on fire. He was in his true form, not the fake mask he put on for his family. Seeing that gleam of rage in his eyes made you smile softly, knowing exactly what he was capable of. As Cooper walked out of his home and down the front steps, he stopped halfway down the path, turning to face where you were standing. The SWAT officers had AK’s trained on him, threatening to shoot if he tried anything, but you knew they wouldn’t.

Cooper’s gaze fell to Riley’s bike on the lawn, tipped over from all the commotion. Needing to right this wrong, Cooper knelt to pick it back up, running his thick, calloused fingers over the tires, knowing he may never see Riley grow up. It killed him to think about it; He wanted to take this moment in for as long as he could. You saw the trepidation in his eyes as he stared at the bike, running his fingers over the spokes. It’s when his gaze shifted up to you, that you saw the darkness layered – the glimmer of sinister intentions, one that made your lower stomach ignite. “I love you,” Cooper silently said, mouthing to you as your eyes caught his. All you could do was smile, biting your lower lip as the tears sprang free again; Your arms wrapping around your shoulders as you hugged his hoodie tighter to your body. “I love you so fucking much, Cooper,” you whispered back, causing his own eyes to glisten with tears.

I'm still rocking your hoodie / And chewing on the strings / It makes me think about you / So I wear it when I sleep / I kept the broken zipper / And cigarette burns / Still rocking your hoodie / Baby, even though it hurts

Behind you a car pulled up quickly to the scene. Quickly jetting out of the van was a curly, blonde-haired girl – who you knew was Riley. “Daddy!” She sobbed out, running out of the woman’s arms into straight into Cooper’s, his hands chained in front of him. Riley didn’t waste a second to hug Cooper tightly, pressing her tear-stained face into his chest. It was a bittersweet moment; From what Cooper always told you, Riley was his little girl, always valuing his opinion on topics and learning the ways of the world from him. He was wrapped around her finger, and silently it was killing him that this may be the last time he was ever going to see her. Cooper leaned his chin against Riley’s head, kissing the top softly, savoring the moment before it was ripped away. “Riley, come here sweetie,” Rachel called out, causing Riley to pull away as she ran. The SWAT officers hands tightened against Cooper’s arm, he spun around to stare at his family one more time before being loaded into the paddy wagon.

Before that door shut, Cooper held your gaze with a primal glare, causing your heart to quicken. A smirk lined his lips as the door shut, only able to see him through the small window of the wagon. You didn’t feel upset or scared that Cooper was going away, because you knew it was bullshit. That look told you everything you needed to know, and it made you excited. Throwing the hood of Cooper’s jacket over your head, you made your way back to your home, locking the back and front door – closing and locking the windows, heading straight for bed.

I'm still rocking your hoodie / And chewing on the strings / It makes me think about you / So I wear it when I sleep / I kept the broken zipper / And cigarette burns / Still rocking your hoodie / Baby, even though it hurts

-----

Time ticked away as the lights started to die out; The warmth of your salt lamp omitting off cozy energy. Snuggled beneath the comforter, you watched as the last of the police officers and journalists left. The neighborhood had enough craziness for one day, to hear utter silence put you at peace. Everything felt good again; No animosity lingered in the air. But things still felt off, not having Cooper by your side. Watching him get taken away by the police made you sad – but seeing how he said he loved you, made everything so much better. You would wait for him, no matter how long it was going to be. If you had to wait eternity for him, you’d wait two. Cooper was everything to you, and you knew you’d never find love like him again. Even with abandonment heavy on your mind, this time felt different. It wasn’t a slow pullback like everyone else does. No, this was so much less. The look in Cooper’s eyes was a guarantee that he would be with you soon enough, and you’d wait forever to have that.

You felt yourself drifting off to sleep at the thoughts of him, how the previous night he held you close to his chest, playing with your hair as he hummed softly to you. It put you at great ease, feeling so domestic for the first time. The way his right hand boxed you into him, laying right against your stomach. His left was tucked under his head, his chin perched on your shoulder. It was almost as if you could feel the warmth of him now, holding you tightly, peppering kisses along your hairline. His hand snaking its way under your shirt to touch you, rubbing little hearts into your flesh as you sink deeper into him. His broad chest your safe haven, his lips your solace in this dark world, as they move their way down your cheek, to your bare shoulder. “You’re never getting rid of me that easily, princess.” Cooper whispered into your ear, causing your eyes to fling open.

Cooper could feel you tense at the realization he was here, with you, instead of locked up. The excitement vibrating off of you as he helped you turn around. Even with the low light of the lamp next to your bed, you could make out every single feature of Cooper’s face. The lines around his eyes as he smiled at you, the creases of his mouth as his grin grows wider, the softness in his irises as they track a path over your facial features. “I will never leave you, sweet girl. I am with you forever.” Cooper’s voice cracked with emotion as his tears started to fall, the sob slipping from your lips evident enough. Perching against Cooper, you let your lips collide with his in a heated manner, feeling the ever-growing love between the two of you blossomed. The world was gone, silent compared to the beating of two hearts. The autumn light turning into tendrils of golds, browns, and silver cascading through the air, glittering with every touch Cooper laid upon your body. He was your home, he is your safety. He is your world, and nothing could take him from you. “I’m here to stay.” You knew he meant it too. Cooper Adams was a thing of the past, a monster that the media wanted to portray. Cooper Abbott on the other hand was a family man, who was desperately in love with his girl. Philadelphia is where you two made your home, but your true adventure starts with the move to Minnesota. Your future now getting started.

Still rocking your hoodie / And chewing on the strings / It makes me think about you / So I wear it when I sleep / I kept the broken zipper / And cigarette burns / Still rocking your hoodie / Baby, even though it hurts / Still rocking your hoodie

Tagging Taglist: @rubyfruitjungle @cherryinterlude @lilly3434 @amethystblackkchaos @rosaleelovesdilfs @babygorewhore @dirtylittlefairytales @redpillbluepill @strangererotica @minedofmoria @hibiskooks @fore45fore @lustskitty69

Cooper Adams: @lunaluvsu @rplver @kissofdawn666 @rottenangel

[phoebe-delia]

the best people in life are free

Okay so I'm breaking my own rule and doing a Taylor Swift songfic for the Phoebe Tries to Write Again Challenge. To be fair, I did write most of this a while back. I'm just finally dusting it off. This is inspired by "New Romantics" by Taylor Swift, which is also a @drarrymicrofic prompt.

"I bet I'm faster than you."

That's all Draco says before he flashes Harry a wild grin and then sprints down the sidewalk like a madman, his arms spread wide as if he's trying to hug the rain coming down around them. Harry groans to himself and starts after him, almost losing his balance on the slick path.

Draco's clearly paying no mind to the irritated pedestrians who barely move out of his way in time, nor does he seem to be worried about the hazardously wet streets. The Malfoy that Harry knew growing up wouldn't willingly be outside in this weather without an umbrella charm, let alone dashing gleefully through dirty puddles through the crowds in a major city.

But then again, Draco hasn't been Malfoy in a long time.

Harry is relieved when Draco finally slows to a stop, sticking out his tongue to catch the raindrops. That lets Harry start to catch up to him, and for a brief moment, Harry fears that Draco will take off running again when he sees him.

Instead, he throws his arms around Harry's neck and kisses him soundly, and Harry lets the rest of the world fade to white noise. The kiss is deep and exploratory, and Draco tastes like the rain, and Harry nearly forgets about the risk of slipping on the sidewalk.

His senses return to him once they pull apart. Draco grins like he's won something hard-earned.

"What got into you? Aren't you afraid of getting sick, standing in this? Have you gone mad?" Harry's trying to scold but coming across far too fond.

"Mad for you, maybe," Draco waggles his eyebrows. He leans down and gives Harry a soft, short peck on the lips.

But Harry doesn't let it go so easily. "You've surely ruined your shoes, not to mention your socks. Why did you do that?"

"Because I can, Harry." Draco's expression sobers, and he lifts a hand to cup Harry's cheek, thumb wiping away a raindrop. "Don't you ever want to do things just because you can? Because no one can stop you?"

"I-" Harry starts to argue, and then he lets out a laugh that's more of a huff. "Merlin, and I thought I was supposed to be the Gryffindor."

"You are. That doesn't mean I won't still keep you on your toes, Potter," Draco smirks.

The sound of thunder causes them both to startle a bit and look up at the storm, which picks up speed. Draco takes Harry's hand. "Come on!" He takes off jogging down the sidewalk, pulling Harry with him.

"Draco, where are we going?" Harry nearly stumbles as he tries to match the pace but he doesn't let go of Draco's hand.

Draco looks over his shoulder and meets Harry's gaze with sparkling eyes. "Anywhere we want."

Send me a prompt! See the guidelines here.

[myfandomrealitea]

I wish I had a place to post my fucked up arts without being cancelled 😭

Honestly I think the drawn arts have suffered perhaps the most out of modern censorship. Especially the communities, too, because when sites ban things to please advertisers, investors and the handful of people squawking about protecting the children, it creates this mentality of; 'if its been banned its bad, so whoever makes it or enjoys it is bad too.'

There will literally always be at least one person who comes after you for what you create. Lord knows I enough enough angry anons in my inbox on a daily basis and all I do is rant about antis and occasionally knock my braincells together with enough force to say something vaguely helpful.

My best advice for avoiding being 'cancelled' is to heavily, heavily curate your online space and the people you aim to include within it. This could be by:

Following specifically other blogs who post similar content or express interest in similar content to what you produce or your interests.

Pre-emptively blocking blogs who express disgust or hatred for the content you produce or like, blogs who express moral stances conflicting to yours, ect. This is expressly helpful on sites like Twitter where options to limit engagement are limited.

Tagging properly, and including trigger and warnings tags whom others are likely to have blocked. This prevents people from seeing something they don't want to, and also gives you coverage if they try to accuse you of 'spreading it around.'

In cases of art that may have more extreme content, try using spoiler flags or any filtration option that requires viewers to actively consent to viewing it. Relevant to above, nobody can cry wolf about 'being exposed' because they would've had to physically reveal the work to themselves.

DeviantArt unfortunately recently changed its policies to a frankly ridiculously constrictive degree, so while I previously would've recommended that as a place to host your artwork and find a safer community, I can no longer. Hopefully someone is successful in pushing for the site to reform to its previous rules soon.

ArtStation is an option. The site is not eligible to anyone under 18 and sexual, gore, fetish, and 'mature' content is allowed provided the usual stipulation that you aren't using it in order to cause, infer or threaten harm against someone. A lot of the site is geared toward marketing artwork, though, so you might be hard pressed to find more of a community aspect to it.

Rule 34.com is... Objectively one of the best places you can host your artwork if you create content that is based on sexual themes. The protective rights aren't the greatest, but anyone who uses Rule 34 has no leg to stand on regarding morality and censorship.

Reddit has a lot of subreddits for sharing art, and a bonus is you can find subreddits specifically geared toward artwork based on things like gore, violence, sexual content, ect. Filtering options and monitoring are basically non-existent, however. Also, Reddit sometimes spontaneously decides a specific post is against its TOS and yeets it.

There's also the option of building a Discord server based around sharing artwork of certain themes, which is objectively the format that allows you the most control over who views it, but it also means your art has a limited presence. (Can't be reblogged, ect.)

If you do check out any of the websites, always be thorough in reading the Terms of Service and the Community Guidelines.

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia!

In response to your recent post, I have carpal tunnel and stretching actually does not help. I do try to rest my wrists and fingers a lot, but do you have any other tactics you’ve used that have worked for you? Not looking for anything to follow as proper medical advice, just curious for new ideas to try out!

Take this with a grain of salt (not a doctor, as we all know! Just someone who writes a lot and has chronic RSIs in both wrists) but the type of rest you do is really important.

For example, wrist splinting can be really helpful, but only in specific ways.

Soft splints are best during the day, but both hard and soft wrist splints can make the pain worse if you're someone who unconsciously compresses the nerve further by bending your wrist into the splint throughout the day. If you can train yourself to stop doing this, soft wrist splints during the day - esp during rest periods - can help a lot.

Hard splints overnight can be amazing, but only if you don't contort your wrists while you sleep. This one is tough. I am a chronic wrist bender at night, and have literally woken up with my hands completely numb because of it. So hard splints are out of the question for me. It's been suggested to me to wear them for the first hour of lying down because I don't fall asleep straight away, to give my wrist a solid chunk of time of pure rest and then take it off before sleeping. 30 minutes of hard splinting where you can stop yourself from bending into the hard part is better than 30 minutes without it. Ditto a soft splint.

Carpal tunnel can be brutal, don't rule out seeing a physiotherapist or physical therapist who specialises in hand issues, or an occupational therapist who does the same. And my grandma had surgery for her carpal tunnel (twice!) and doesn't regret it. I also believe cortisone injections can be helpful, but come with the downside that they're more likely to increase pain in the long-term due to how steroids act on tissues overall. So cortisone should be used cautiously imho. (As in, it's not a long-term solution. It doesn't cure anything. And it can actually make some things worse).

I personally found hot and cold soaks pretty helpful. I have some arthritis in my hands so this is part of it. Ymmv on this one. Cold soaks reduce inflammation, hot soaks increase blood flow. Both can help with nerve impingement and joint pain. There will be guidelines online as to the best way / how long to do these.

Keeping a log of the pain specifically in your wrist / thumb, or the discomfort or numbness. Rating it on a level, and writing down everything you did in the hours leading up to bad flares. For me, learning that cross-stitch was actually the worst thing I did for my ulnar nerve entrapment was the thing that has helped most in knowing what I need to stop doing immediately when symptoms flare. I thought it was my writing, and I was wrong. My writing set up is actually pretty comfortable for my hands (see below), but once the cross-stitch caused a flare, writing perpetuated it and I'd mistakenly think the writing was the problem because I do that every day. You might be surprised which things can cause your worst flares. (Or not!)

Rest is rest. This one is hard. When it's our hands, we use them for literally everything. Often when we 'rest our wrists' it means stopping doing the things we know are direct triggers, but nothing else. But it actually means near complete rest from cooking, preparing food, petting our animal companions, holding our phone or tablet in bed or at a table, etc. This is where soft splints come in handy, they show us just how much we're using our wrists by how inconvenient they are to wear re: daily operation. As a teaching device we see quickly 'oh shit I twist my wrist badly for brushing my hair, oh shit I contort it for petting my dog behind the ears, oh shit, I've been stirring this pot at a weird angle for 10 minutes.'

Imho I don't wear splints for showering / bathroom / food. But will put it on during complete rest (which I reserve for pain + numbness flares). I will give myself about 2 days of that, and I try to treat it as seriously as a virus or flu because I don't want surgery! And obviously surgery for nerve and hand issues runs in the family.

Look into the ergonomics of the things that cause you flares. Often carpal tunnel can be exacerbated by how you hold your shoulders and elbows when you're doing the the things that cause flares. Look at whether the size of your mouse is too big for your hand (most are), look into how your wrists rest when you type on a keyboard, all of these things when adjusted for can make a big positive cumulative difference.

Getting a small Roccat Kone mouse, while expensive comparatively, stopped some of the issues in my right thumb. Because finally I had a mouse that fit my hand. (Most computer mice are designed for AMAB hands, as a result most AFAB people who use them basically long-term hurting their hands without realising - the heel of your palm should be able to rest on the mouse pad, your index and middle fingers should comfortably always be able to reach the left and right clickers without ever stretching and the thumb should rest naturally in the thumb rest if there is one. Most mice don't let the heel of the hand rest on the mouse pad without stretching for most AFAB people).

If you're using a laptop keyboard, stop as soon as you can and find a keyboard (ideally mechanical switch) that isn't high impact on your fingertips and use that. There are a lot of good, cheap bluetooth options these days. I cannot stress enough how bad laptop keyboards are for fingers and nerve issues in the hands. I type millions of words on my keyboard, I have callouses on all of my fingertips because of it. Trust me when I say you want something that will encourage your fingertips not to slam into the baseboard.

Don't get me started on if you do most of your writing on your phone. x.x The cramped positions we have to put our fingers in to both hold our phone and type is - to say the least - something younger folks get away with and older folks pay for. It's not healthy for our hands. Or wrists. Or elbows. Or shoulders. There's very few ways to make this healthy. Phones are just literally not designed to have a comfortable typing process re: cramping fingers and palms and wrists. They're designed for convenience, not carpal tunnel.

Be extremely wary of nerve flossing exercises that aren't designed for your specific issues. A lot of the Tiktok type ones are 'stretching in disguise' and can make pain worse. There's often no harm in trying them, but if the pain doesn't go away after a few days and/or gets worse, stop. I personally cultivated a curiosity atttiude. 'I'll try that for a few days and see.'

As always, professionals know more about this stuff! But make sure you're seeing hand specialists, otherwise you're likely to get more outdated information.

[gingerjunhan]

hellooo can i request being in a situationship with the heroes? can you make it a little 🤏 angsty please coz i wanna hurt mah self SHAHHAHA

thank you!! love your works sm!

☆彡 oooo angst you say? 🤭 I will try my best! Hopefully this came out to be what you wanted. Thank you sm for the love! 🩷🩷

word count: 2180 | pronouns used: none | genre: (slight) angst, situationship | cws: making out, suggestive (if you squint) w/ Gunil and Seungmin, implied drinking, swearing, non-idol!au kinda?, reader gets hit on, lmk if I missed anything!!

goo gunil

Typically, when Gunil liked someone, he was all in. But now that his job had strict dating guidelines, you found yourself sneaking around a lot. This was your third meetup of the week that you found yourself sneaking Gunil into your place.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just come in the front door,” you complained.

“Because,” he rolled his eyes as he was shuffled in through the back door of your house. “If someone sees me come in here my job is good as gone. And, I don’t know if you know this, but you can’t have a band without a drummer.”

You and Gunil had been seeing each other on and off for about two months now. You weren’t dating- you haven’t even talked about dating. You had known Gunil from school, and once you rekindled your past relationship with him, it had turned into whatever was happening between the two of you now. You or Gunil would get lonely during the day, which lead to one of you sneaking the other into your house. You would be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t have feelings for him, but you would also be lying if you said you weren’t annoyed by the secret keeping. The whole situation was very confusing, but he didn’t seem to mind it at all.

“So,” Gunil made his way over to you, putting his hands on your waist. “How was your day?” His lips found yours before you even had a chance to answer, and the next thing you knew you had made your way to the couch. You had both pulled away to catch your breath when Gunil spoke up again. “God, you’re so hot.”

You felt your cheeks burn and your heart rate speed up. You weren’t sure if it was out of attraction or confusion. Once again, before you could reply, Gunil began to kiss you again. As much as you wanted to question him on what was happening between the two of you, you would have to find a way to pry yourself away from his lips first.

kim jungsu

It wasn’t uncommon for Jungsu to spoil you and show you off. He often took you on nice dates, letting you dress up in your cutest clothes and have him parade you around on his arm. If you needed something, Jungsu would always give it to you no matter what. He was very sweet to you- always polite and rather affectionate. However, you were never allowed to meet his friends. For all they knew, Jungsu was single. And in all honesty, you were none the wiser.

“Jungsu?” You looked at him from across the table. He was holding your hand as you spoke. You swallowed hard, deciding to bite the bullet now. You couldn’t take this anymore. “What are we?”

He cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

You blinked at him once, twice, three times. “I-“ you looked over the table, taking in the food and the expensive wine he had bought for the both of you to share. “What is this?”

“What? This dinner?”

“Yeah,” you were so confused it was starting to make your head hurt. “Is this a date?”

Jungsu scowled at you. “No?” He sounded like he couldn’t believe you had just asked him that. He absentmindedly squeezed your hand. “Can I not just do something nice for you?”

You looked at him, baffled. He did this all the time. There was no way these weren’t dates. Maybe you were just thinking too hard about it.

“Oh,” you replied, feeling oddly sad. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he lifted your joint hands to his lips to give your knuckles a soft kiss. “Don’t worry about it.”

kwak jiseok

You and Jiseok had been on a few dates over the past couple of weeks, and you were really starting to like him. He was very smart and funny, and things between the two of you were going well. That was, until, you ended up in his bedroom one night, finding yourself in the middle of a deep late-night conversation.

“What’s on your mind?” You asked. You were currently laying on his chest with one of his hands in your hair. You could tell he was deep in thought.

“Oh, nothing much,” he replied simply.

“Are you sure? You can talk about it if you want. I’m all ears.”

Jiseok was quiet for a second before he let out a sigh. “I just…” he took a deep breath. “I’m not sure if I’m ready to date right now.”

You felt your heart shatter, but his hand still kept moving through your hair. A simple ”Oh.” was all you could give him in response.

“I just don’t think I’ve met the right person, y’know?” You opened your mouth to speak, but words seemed to be failing you. “I really like you, but I don’t know if I could date you.”

“Why not?”

“Don’t get me wrong, (Y/N),” he began. “I really do like you a lot. I mean, c’mon, you’re the whole package,” he chuckled. “I just don’t know if I’m ready to commit to a partner yet.”

“Oh,” your hurt feelings were clearly very evident in your voice. You began to sit up. “That’s okay. I can go if you’d like me to.”

“No! I want you to stay,” Jiseok pulled you back down to him. “I just… need more time to think. I want to keep seeing you, but I don’t know if I’m ready to say that we’re dating yet. Does that make sense?”

You thought about it for a second. You felt like your world was just turned sideways. “Uh, yeah,” you lied. “Sure. We can do that.”

Jiseok kissed the crown of your head and held you tighter. “Awesome. Thanks for understanding, baby.”

oh seungmin

ding! You were about to fall asleep when a text message so rudely pulled you from your soon-to-be slumber. Picking up your phone, you winced at the light. It was Seungmin.

hey. you awake?

No way in hell he just hit you with the infamous, ”You up?” You started typing out a reply.

now I am

what do you need?

What he sent you next absolutely baffled you. The next text you received from Seungmin was a selfie. He was shirtless, and his pajama pants were hanging low on his hips. You felt your breath get caught in your throat as you looked at the picture.

missed you today baby

He does this all the time. You and Seungmin weren’t dating, and if you had to guess he felt no attraction towards you in the slightest. However, he flirted with you constantly. The two of you were friends, but recently your relationship had become… different.

He was much more touchy now, and you were happy to reciprocate. Seungmin had always been one of your closest friends, so hugging or platonic cuddling was no problem for you. However, that had now turned to longer embraces, movie nights spent wrapped up in his sheets, pet names, and soft kisses given to the crowns of each other's heads. Something was clearly going on between the two of you- but neither of you had bothered to ask what it was.

oh yeah?

You were honestly so focused on his toned torso that you couldn’t think of a better reply. You watched as he typed a reply.

yes baby

missed you so much

are you free tomorrow? I wanna see you

You thought about your day and let out a sigh.

Min, you know I have work tomorrow :(

His response came quickly.

take a day off. I’ll come pick you up

please?

You sighed again. You don’t know what came over you, but you blamed it on the selfie he sent.

fine. I’ll call in early tomorrow morning

you better be here early. I think I deserve some breakfast after you kept me up so late

You really didn’t expect him to agree, but then his reply appeared on your phone.

you got it baby ;) see you in the morning

han hyeongjun

You’ve only known Hyeongjun for a short time now, so when he proposed going out to dinner you were a little surprised.

“It doesn’t have to be like, a date or anything,” he specified, clearly flustered. “I would just like to get to know you more!”

So here you were, finding yourself and Hyeongjun in a new restaurant that had just recently opened up, and you had to admit that you took note of the fact that he was dressed a little nicer than normal almost immediately. Not that you were complaining! He looked great, and you’ve secretly been stealing glances at him all evening. However, you did find it odd that this “wasn’t a date,” but he looked ready for it to be one.

“So,” he spoke once you were both done with your meals. “Are you having a good time?” He seemed really nervous.

“Oh yeah!” You tried to sound as polite as possible to ease his nerves. What’s gotten over him? “Thank you so much for bringing me out tonight.”

“Of course,” he smiled brightly now. “Oh, and don’t worry about paying. I’ve got it all covered.”

“What? Oh no, it’s okay! Really, I can pay for my meal.”

“No, no- I insist. It was my idea to bring you here, so the least I can do is pay for us.”

The alarm bells were sounding in your head. If he pays for your meal, that makes this a date, right? What’s going on?

Eventually, after a little more push and shove, Hyeongjun paid the bill and you both left. It was still pretty early in the evening, so you had both decided to go out for ice cream.

“Anywhere special that you want to go?” Hyeongjun looked down at you with a soft smile. You gave it some thought.

“There’s a good ice cream place down the street that I like a lot. You alright with going there?”

Mustering up all the courage he seemed to have left in him for the evening, Hyeongjun slipped his hand into yours. You felt a blush rise in your cheeks at the feeling, clearly surprised by his actions. However, you weren’t sure you wanted to pull away. He gave you a soft smile, blush taking over his own cheeks as well.

“Lead the way.”

lee jooyeon

You and Jooyeon had been “talking” on and off for months. Your schedules didn’t align often, but when they did you typically found your way back to one another. A simple text asking how the other one was doing would then slowly evolve into a cycle of catching up, flirting, and going on dates that blurred the line between being romantic and platonic. Then, he would get busy with work, and your own life would get in the way as well, and you would fizzle out of each other’s lives again. Currently, you were on a swing where he was slowly starting to make his way back out of your life again. With tour picking back up, Jooyeon had less and less free time. You tried not to be too bummed out about it, so you decided to go out with some of your friends.

You were out at a bar on a Friday night, and you couldn’t stop yourself from checking your phone every couple of minutes. Jooyeon hadn’t texted you in days, but you just had to be sure. Out of the corner of your eye, someone started to approach you.

“Hey, hot stuff.” The man who approached you was much taller than you, and it honestly intimidated you a bit. “Are you here alone tonight?”

You looked the man up and down. “No. I’m here with my friends. They’re all in the bathroom.”

“Oh, so do you want me to keep you some company until they come back?”

“No thank you.”

“Aw, why not?” He was trying to get close to you but you remained persistent while also trying to be as nice as possible.

“I’m not interested.”

“Oh yeah? You got a boyfriend or somethin’?”

“Yup,” you lied. “And he’d be pretty angry if he saw you with me, so I advise that you leave.”

Not that your half-assed threat actually scared him, but the man walked away. As he disappeared into the bar, you felt your phone vibrate. It was Jooyeon.

hey! sorry I haven’t texted you in a while. my schedule has been crazy. how are you doing?

You typed up a quick reply.

I’m good! I’m out with some friends right now

some dude just hit on me lol

You could feel your heartbeat as you waited for Jooyeon to reply.

oh? did you give him your number?

no I didn’t

why not?

You froze as you read his text. Why not?

because he was weird and I didn’t want to?

Was he seriously that blind to what was happening between the two of you?

damn that sucks

maybe the next guy will be nicer lol

You genuinely couldn’t believe it.

yeah

hopefully lol

taglist: @dazzlingligth , @mini-mews , @mxlly143 , @somethingaboutcheese , comment to be added!⁎⁺˳✧༚

[zoeykallus]

Hi Zoey!! Hope you're doing well!! You deserve all the love!!

This is my 2nd request ever, and you handled my 1st request beautifully, so i thought that perhaps i would request again?

Recently, i was randomly hard-blocked on Tumblr by a (now former) mutual.. and also got randomly cut off by some friends irl too ...

To this day i have not the faintest idea what i did wrong and don't even have the capacity to ask any of them.. it makes me incredibly sad/disheartened to loose them, especially since i don't know/understand if/what i did anything wrong..

As far as i've been aware i never violated anyone's guidelines/boundaries.. it makes me physically and mentally ill to think that i could have somehow done something so terrible accidentally/unknowingly and gotten cut off for it.. 😥💔

Despite getting some support and lovin' about it, I've been crying about it so much and don't know how to deal with it still 😓💔

What are your thoughts on how the TBB, (and possibly Wolffe, Rex, and/or Cody if it isn't too much), would react/deal with/comfort (preferably fem!) Reader on randomly loosing friends and getting very sad over it?

I'm sorry for all the angst here!! Also, i know you already wrote something kind of similar (had to do with TBB helping the reader lose a toxic friend), so if this is too much, repetitive, or uncomfortable for you, i totally understand not doing the request!!

Take care and thank you so much for all that you do!! Your love and support and kindness knows no bounds!! 🫶🏼💕🩷

Aloha, hun!

I'm really sorry to read that. It's hard to lose friends, especially when you don't really know why or what's going on. The only way to find out would be asking them about it. But you mentioned you don't feel up to ask them yourself. Maybe you have someone, a friend, who'd be willing to do that for you? Sometimes you can't change peoples minds, and you don't have to. Real friends don't just leave you behind without telling you what bothered them. Real friends communicate and try to fix things and don't just leave or ignore. Hold on to the real ones and let the ones who want to go just go. I know it feels devastating, but you don't need people like this in your life. If they just show you the cold shoulder without voicing what's the deal, they are not willing to really make an effort for this friendship, so why should you run after them? Invest your energy in your real friends.

And friends who need some time to themselves for personal reasons usually at least tell you that they need to retreat for a while, at least in my experience (I do that sometimes when I need to charge up my mental batteries). Cutting someone off without at least addressing them once about the reason is Kindergarten or headless teenager behavior at best. People who really care/cared, don't just vanish out of your life quietly.

That's probably not making you feel much better, but what I'm trying to say is, that you should focus on yourself a bit more and those who deserve your friendship. Don't cry over undeserving idiots. Easier said than done, I know. It'll take time, like everything emotionally heavy does, but you'll feel better at some point when you manage to sort out your priorities. And Drama queens who cut you off on purpose, to make you run after them, are even worse. Those are energy vampires, don't play that game with them, you will always be at the exhausted, losing end.

But, I'm still here, not exactly a close friend, but a mutual I guess. I hear you and even though I can't do much for you right now, I can send you a hug and write something for you 🤗

I picked this request out of my list to do before the others, because I felt this was a little more... urgent, at the moment.

The Bad Batch/Wolffe/Rex x F!Reader HCs - True Friends

Warnings: Angst/Hurt/Comfort

___________________

Losing friends is never easy. You struggle with being left behind by some of them. How do the clones react?

___________________

Hunter

He is organizing and sorting a few things for the next mission when he talks to you and asks what is bothering you. Your revelation makes him wonder.

"And they didn't say anything? Didn't say why?

You shake your head sadly.

Hunter puts down the datapad on which he's just checked an inventory list and turns to face you fully.

"Then they're not friends either"

You frown and look at him questioningly.

Gently but firmly, he says, "Friends don't just turn their backs on you without comment. Someone who doesn't even expend enough energy to tell you what might be bothering them didn't really care much about this friendship or you in the first place."

You wrap your arms around your body, really not feeling much better now.

Hunter comes closer and takes off a glove and gently strokes your cheek.

"I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear. What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't have to chase after these people. Focus on your real friends, the ones you can always count on. Me, for example," he says with a smile, "Or my brothers. We would never abandon you".

"It just bugs me that I don't know what's going on," you say dejectedly, leaning your head against his chest.

Hunter puts an arm around your shoulders and continues to stroke your cheek with one hand.

"I know, that would keep me busy too. But all I can tell you is focus on other things, other, real friends, important things in your life. If you want I can ask them if you tell me who it is, but I can guarantee you, no matter how it turns out, friends like that will always let you down, again and again"

You sigh wistfully.

"You are a great person, a great friend and partner, don't worry, there will always be someone who appreciates that, one way or another"

Echo

He looks at you worriedly, a depressed expression on his face. Echo can't quite understand why anyone would act this way toward you.

"Maybe they just need some time to themselves?" he asks cautiously.

"All three of them?" you say doubtfully.

Echo sits down next to you in the grass in the shade where the found you and moves a little closer.

He says thoughtfully, "Real friends talk to each other, they say what's going on and don't just take off. Maybe they weren't as good friends as you thought."

"Maybe," you say quietly.

Echo puts an arm around you, and you automatically lean against him, seeking warmth and comfort from his body.

"You're never all alone, Mesh'la. I'm here, my brothers are here, and Omega adores you. You have a family here with us that you can always count on, at all times."

You smile. The loss of your friends hurts, especially that you don't know why. But the thought and feeling of having Echo by your side gives you a sense of security, the impression that everything is actually okay.

"I love you, Echo, what would I do without you?"

Echo gently hugs you and says, "Don't worry about that, you won't get rid of me that easily".

Wrecker

He looks at you in confusion.

"Why would they do that? Friends don't do that"

With a helpless sigh, you look up at your gentle giant.

"Maybe I've upset them?"

Wrecker frowns critically, takes your hand and pulls you with him to the open ramp where he sits down on it and pulls you onto his lap.

Gently putting both arms around you, he says, "Even if that were true, which I kind of can't imagine, then you bring up something like that. Problems that you ignore or eat into yourself only become bigger and bigger problems. If they're really upset about you, then they need to tell you, have a conversation. To just ignore you or shut you out is pretty childish."

You lean against him, resting your head on his shoulder.

"It just feels so weird, so heavy and devastating".

Wrecker strokes your back and pulls his arms, gently, a little tighter around you.

"Don't be sad Cyar'ika, you still have us after all, and that won't change. I love you"

"You are so sweet, Wrecker" you say softly with a small smile.

He chuckles, "I know, I'm great, aren't I?"

"Indeed," you say with a soft laugh, "I love you too."

Tech

He listened to you carefully. When you finish your sentence, Tech puts the datapad aside and looks at you thoughtfully.

"Why would a friend turn his back on you without justification?"

You shrug your shoulders helplessly.

"That's just what's bothering me. Did I upset them, perhaps?"

"Come here, my love," Tech taps the seat next to him invitingly for you to join him before he says, "Well, I think that's unlikely, but it's still possible. However, it still wouldn't justify a lack of explanation about the situation."

You look at him for help.

"What would you do, Tech?"

He blinks, then says, "You know me, I wouldn't dwell on it for long. Even if I had negative feelings about it, I would go on my way and do what needs to be done."

"But what if it was Hunter and Wrecker?"

Tech sighs, "Well, we had something similar with Crosshair, however he gave us some sort of explanation. I don't know, honestly, I don't think there could be a fault line between us that isn't addressed. Especially Hunter would be looking for a dialogue to clear things up, and Wrecker probably would too."

He looks at you, trying to read your face.

After a pause, he says, "Well, in my estimation, these friends aren't worth your concern or friendship. If they don't feel the need to communicate with you about any problems that may exist, then they are obviously not willing to put any particular effort into this relationship. So my conclusion would be, if you are not worth their effort, then you should do the same the other way around and save your energy for more important things and people that are worth yours. Time for new priorities. If it helps you, I could work out a plan with you to help you redirect your energies and reorganize. It may be a good therapeutic distraction."

You smile at him.

"My beloved genius, I would greatly appreciate your help, yes."

Crosshair

He frowns.

"Well, I guess they're idiots," he says dryly, "You know I don't like most of your friends anyway."

Crosshair doesn't like to share your attention, that's the main reason. He tolerates your friends for your sake, but he'd much rather have you to himself. However, he would never go so far as to try to separate you from your friends.

When he sees the sad look on your face, he says, "If they just cut all the lines without telling you why, then they weren't friends either. You don't turn your back on a friend for no reason, and even if there is a reason, at least you talk about it, and then you decide whether to go your separate ways."

"Is that so?" asks Echo dryly from the background.

"Quiet back there," Crosshair grumbles, "You knew why we parted ways, I never made a secret of why I left."

"True."

Crosshair looks at you again and says, "People who really care about you don't turn their backs on you without comment, no matter how much your opinions may differ. What happens after a clarifying conversation is another story"

"Sometimes an ugly one," Echo mutters.

Crosshair snorts, "Would you please stay out of this".

You look from one to the other, finally looking up at Crosshair and asking, "What do you think I should do?"

"Keep going. Don't run after them, focus on yourself and the people who are really there for you," he lifts your chin slightly with his long fingers, "Like me for example."

Wolffe

He puts down the box he just took off his speeder, takes off his helmet and tucks it under his arm. He looks at you with a furrowed brow.

"Well, I guess they're not really friends, then."

"What do you mean?"

Wolffe looks at you urgently, "Someone who really cares doesn't turn their back on you without comment. Simple as that."

You wrap your arms around your body.

"I guess they don't care about me then."

Wolffe sighs, lifting your chin with his fingers and seeking eye contact.

"I care about you, a lot. I'm certainly not the only one"

You look up at him, swallowing and blinking back tears.

"It's just so scary. It feels like at some point everyone could suddenly be gone and then I'm alone"

Wolffe puts his helmet on the speeder, then puts both hands on your shoulder left and right.

"Cyare, you're not alone, you won't be alone. It may feel scary and defeating now, but you'll get over it. You will see and learn in time who your real friends are, what really matters and what your priorities should be"

"You won't abandon me, right?"

Wolffe gently kisses your forehead and says, "Never."

Rex

Rex looks at you in surprise. He expected everything possible, but not really.

"Do I know these friends?"

"No not really"

He shrugs and says, "Well, I don't really know what to tell you. In my experience, friendships are never one sided, at least they shouldn't be. You invest quite a lot of energy in these contacts and suddenly nothing comes back? Mesh'la, it sounds like you were used and… well, don't need you anymore. That doesn't have much to do with friendship, though."

Startled, you sit down on a bench nearby. Rex follows you. He looks at you meekly and says, "Sorry, you probably didn't want to hear that."

You sigh softly and say, "Maybe. But maybe I needed to hear it."

Rex shrugs and says quietly, "Maybe I'm wrong too, Mesh'la, but you should focus on yourself for now and be careful in case they contact you again. You can't let them hurt you."

He sits down next to you and says with a gentle smile, "In any case, you have me, I won't let you down."

His hand clasps yours with gentle pressure.

When you look up at his face, he gives you an encouraging look with that mischievous, yet soft and warm smile of his.

"I got you, Mesh'la, always"

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaws

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@cpnt616

@dangraccoon

@starwarsnerd111

[synthaphone]

What's your process for your sculptures if you don't mind breaking it down? They look really good!

Thank you!!! I'm not sure if my breakdown will be much different from what i show in posts like this, but i can try my best!

Uhhh lets see. there's some variation depending on what i'm sculpting, but in general my process goes like this:

Decide what I want to sculpt, and gather/draw any necessary references

Create a rough armature out of wire and tin foil for the 'base' of the sculpture- this is usually the body, with wire for limbs, necks, and anything that i think needs support. Doing this helps establish how the sculpture will balance! Its easy to forget how much space the clay will take up and make the armature too big, so i try to undershoot the size i want by a little bit.

Put some clay on the base and get it into roughly the shape I want-again, usually a little smaller than the intended final if I know I'm going to want to add details or texture. Since I like to bake my sculptures multiple times during the process to avoid squashing finished parts, its WAY easier to add clay later than it is to subtract baked clay.

Flesh out the load bearing limbs- making sure it can stand is a big priority!

The base for the head comes next- this is often the second heaviest part of the sculpture after the core body, so getting it positioned correctly and making sure it can stand with the head attached is important. I usually do this as a tin foil ball with a small amount of clay around it, and keep it smaller than I intend the final to be so that I have plenty of space to add the facial features. Sometimes baking at this stage bites me in the ass, if I don't predict how far I'm going to want to carve into the clay to etch in mouth details, but I prefer it to the risk of squashing the whole head out of shape once the details are on (its SUPER hard to fix at that stage)

Then I do more details for the head + limbs, trying to work in an order that will make it easiest to sculpt said detail without squashing it/elements getting in the way of other elements. Turning the sculpture to see it from different angles is really helpful for keeping things symmetrical! Lately, my process for mouths has been carving in elements like the line for the mouth, baking it once I have it where I want it, and then building up sculpted muzzle, lip and cheek mass around the guidelines so that they feel more dimensional and less like a drawn on feature.

Whenever I bake the sculpture, I like to sand areas that feel like they could be smoother- I feel like this step has helped a lot with making my sculptures seem more professional, because its very hard to get smooth surfaces with just your fingers. Using isopropyl alcohol on the still wet clay is another way to smooth things, but its better for smoothing out very small scratches and textures than larger ones.

UHHh and then once I'm happy with it and i've gotten all of the elements on and baked and sanded how I want- I'm done sculpting!!!

my painting process is more straightforward-

Put a coat of gesso on the sculpture so the paint doesn't scratch off easily

Paint a base coat in a color that's a little darker than I want the final colors to be- make sure to get this coat into every little crevice in the sculpture!!

Layer lighter colors on top, leaving crevices and areas that would typically be in shadow darker, until it looks how I want. This is a long and tedious process, but I really like the final appearance so I do this every time. I usually go too dark for my base color, underestimating how it will look once the lighter one goes on, and my paint is cheap as hell so it takes like one billion coats. I try to apply the lighter colors by dry brushing, but it doesn't always work how I want due to different paint having different consistencies, lol

Apply a couple coats of matte varnish onto most of the sculpture, and gloss varnish to eyes + any elements I want to be shiny. I try to use gloss sparingly because that makes it pop more where I do use it. This is also why I don't paint any bright highlight shines onto my eyes- its personal taste, but I think it looks SO cool when the natural light against the gloss varnish applies that bright highlight on its own.

Hopefully some of this is helpful! I have more WIP photos of older sculptures in my 'sculpture' tag, and also in my 'wip' and 'wips' tag (I'm really bad at remembering what tag to use so I've used both over the years, whoops)

[ebonysplendor]

TS4: "That's Not My Neighbor" Challenge

You've recently moved into a new neighborhood to kickstart your new life of young adulthood and poor decisions. You've only been in your place for a few hours before there's a knock at your door; it's the welcome wagon! How nice! They stay over for a few hours before taking their leave, gushing over how excited they are to have such a good neighbor; however, shortly after they leave, there's another knock at the door. It's your neighbor again. Back so soon? Not to mention, they're acting so strange. You remembered how nice they were, and now, they're being down right rude.. and did Bella Goth always have such piercing blue eyes? You then remember the myths -- doppelgängers is what they called them. You take a step back. You're starting to think that the person at your door is not your neighbor.

Sound interesting? Wanna give this challenge a try? Dope! Let's get into the specifics!

Just a heads up, I'm very privileged to say that I have so many game add-ons and mods that I can't tell nor remember all that is base game or not. Don't feel bad if you can't follow the guidelines exactly. The point is to play your game in a different way and have fun :) Don't stress the specifics. Anyways~

• Make doppelgangers of the neighbors in your world (however many is up to you; I did 15) and your sim and replace them with the sims that "are not currently in the world". This will help ensure that they are in game with as little work as possible. Be sure that you move everyone to the "other households" tab by un-hearting them • Your sim must start of with a bad, awful, or atrocious reputation. Did you really think people were just going to believe you about a Bob Pancakes copy cat? You sound crazy; prove them wrong. Speaking of crazy... • Your sim must have either the paranoid OR the erratic trait. You'd go crazy, too, if you didn't know if you were talking the real person or a copy of them. Not to mention, you probably have a doppelgänger out there, too (spoiler alert: you do). • Your sim must have the nosey OR klepto trait. How are you going to collect evidence otherwise? Even still... • Your sim must have either the socially awkward trait OR gloomy trait. There's not really an eloquent way to say "There are copies of people out there" without people either being put off or giving you a snide "Yeah, they're called twins". It's really depressing when people aren't willing to give you a chance and listen.

• Figure out who your real neighbors are and purge the fakes • Restore your good name • Prove to others that these creatures exist and that you aren't being delusional or hallucinating

• Discover and purge all of the doppelgängers -- Be sure to keep track of how many you've created, because you've gotta find them and win a fight with them in order for them to be "reported" to the DDD • Obtain a paranormal investigation license -- Not just anyone can go monster hunting; you could get yourself killed! It'd be best to approach it with some knowledge. Let people know that you're qualified for this type of stuff! • Restore your reputation to "great" -- Not the highest level of reputation, but still good enough that people are actually willing to be around you for more than 5 minutes when you start rabbling about copies of people walking among you all • Successfully complete a hard level paranormal case -- Prove to the people that you are a pro! No hand-holding here! When you're on the case, there's no chance of failure • Max out the charisma skill -- Smooth talkers can make people believe anything. Not to mention, it makes you more pleasant to listen to • Max out the Vampire Lore skill -- You're not some one trick pony; you can do it all! Of course you know how to handle something as simple as vampires. What monster hunter doesn't? • Turn an occult sim human -- Having super human abilities is cool and all, but some people see it as a curse. Cure an occult sim ... or make them human so they'll never hurt anyone again.

• No cheats for aspiration points! You've gotta work your butt off for that paranormal license! • No money cheats! You can use cheats to move into your home; however, after that, you've gotta work for your money • You must fight (or off) the doppelgänger successfully for it to "get reported" to the DDD within 3 attempts. • If you find a sim and their doppelgänger in the same general area (ex. same room, same building, same festival/event, etc.), you must immediately go home and you cannot go to that world for the rest of the day. You cannot go there even if you're invited there. They can be in the same place, but they cannot be too close -- keep your distance • If you run into your own doppelgänger, it must be on sight every time -- you've gotta fight them; you cannot off them. You're too evenly matched to off them, but you've still gotta assert your dominance. If you lose a fight to them 3 times, it's game over

• If you lose a fight to your doppelgänger 3 times OR if your doppelgänger offs you • If you cannot complete all your objectives within two sim years (14 days a week, per season = 112 days; you can lengthen or shorten this [trust me, depending on how many dopples you have, one year isn't going to be enough, and the regular degular 7 day week is a bit hard because every day has to be productive; I had 15 when I tested this out]) • If you get attacked by a vampire • If you get into a fight with a werewolf and lose • If you lose a fight to any doppelgänger (excluding your own) 3 times • If your sim dies (obvi)

(So you wont screw up the same way I did unless you want to play extreme mode or something)

• Use your gallery as a "reference board" -- it takes a little extra work, but it'll help you remember what your real people look like and their "most prominent" features [or at least what you changed] (ex. Has braces, has a mole on the left side of their chin, light eyes, etc.). Take notes in the description box. • Raise your fitness skill -- this is crucial to tip the fight in your favor; don't let your excitement get in the way! You don't have to be the strongest, just stronger. Make sure you can take the doppelgänger you're trying to "report". Remember: you don't have to get rid of them as soon as you meet them; just don't leave the job unfinished! • Take advantage of your sims wants, aspiration goals, and holiday traditions -- It may be a little tedious/annoying in regular gameplay but for this challenge? It makes farming those aspiration points so much easier! You can get a TON of aspiration points for holidays! • Join a club -- Just because most people are put off by you, it doesn't mean EVERYONE is put off by you. Work on your charisma and reputation naturally. Remember: it's not always what you know but who you know. If they'll associate with you, maybe others will be willing to give you a chance, too. Not to mention, there's perks to being a popular clubs • Attend festivals and events -- Sims from everywhere attend these things, maybe the doppelgängers will show, too. Be careful though! It might be too much to see a sim and their doppelgänger in the same place. You'd have to go home to recover. • Save your game file -- It's a challenge for a reason. It's definitely possible to complete this challenge on the first go, but in the event that you aren't so lucky, and it takes you a couple of tries, save your "setup", and then make a separate save when you actually start the challenge. This will save you so much time when starting over; you won't have to go through the hassle of replacing households with your doppelgängers again.

That's it! Sound simple enough? Give it a try for yourself!

Best of luck to you, and fingers crossed that your sim doesn't get taken out by a stove fire

[foervraengd]

horse drawing practice. aka redraw the same pose until i feel like i have found the method that works best for me.

Horses are hard to draw for a lot of people, i can draw horses if i feel like it but i need to do warmups and pre-practice first most of the time. The one pose i struggle the most with drawing is the default standing side view pose. Main reason is that horses have a rigid anatomy where you cannot hide bone and muscle under fat or thick fur like cats or dogs. The default standing pose often doesnt give me much gesture to work with - i have much easier time drawing horses in motion or any other angle because those situations does give me gesture to find a starting point.

Please note that this is more of a narration of me practicing and thus is a subjective point of view, there are a lot of different ways to draw horses and my method is not and should not be considered foolproof or a hard set rule. aka dont use these drawings as references, theyre not anatomy references for horses.

when a novice ask a more experienced artist how to get better and is met with “practice”, this is more or less what it often mean. You will not nail the first attempt, sometimes it will require 12 attempts.

Timelapse recording and reference image under the cut

In the first five drawings you can see that i struggled with the proportions, mainly the length of the legs vs the length of the body. I started to try out the classic “box” foundation which you commonly see when looking up horse proportions, but it didnt improve my process that much. It did work as a reminder to align the hip height with the shoulder, and the subtle dip along the back. Things started to click on drawing 6 when i realized i could use the curvature of the belly to align with the “shoulder box” guideline that i often use when drawing animals in general. I then could use the arched line of the belly to easier determine the length of the body - essentially this is how i improvise proportions when drawing without a reference.

Attempts 7-10 is when i am starting to find the process and utilize it more. I have learned that nailing the pose of the two front legs is the better starting point and then i work up to the shoulder-block and neck and from there i draw the belly and hip and then draw the hind legs. Usually you want to capture the whole body and not go area-to-area, but these sketches are essentially me practicing that very important part. I noticed pretty early on that drawing the front and hind legs individually and then try to connect them with the body just didnt work for me. But nor did it work to start with the body and then add the legs. So for me, starting with front legs, then body, and lastly hind legs, felt best for me.

The two last drawings where i felt like i got it down, you can even see signs of stylization in the last one - the legs on it are a bit too long, but thats alright because once you feel like you have a process and structure that work for you, it is also going to make readjustments faster and less of a problem.

[dee-the-red-witch]

The Monthly Roundup

Okay, normally, this is just a free monthly post over on my Patreon, but I figured I should push this out into the wild as well, because this kind of stuff's always needed. Want this, and a bunch of weekly readings from a cursed tarot deck, media reviews, and other content including fiction and the occasional build post? Maybe consider adding me over there as well. Anyways, like I said, it's a monthly roundup- in this case a bigass collection of links and resources for folks interested in pursuing gender transition one way or another. And while a bunch of it is transfem specific and sometimes medical transition specific, because it's stuff I dug up while hunting down things for myself, there's also things in there good for anyone of any gender, and resources for legal/social transition as well. And this is long enough to deserve a cut for once, so...

Hey! What If *I'M* trans?

The Gender Dysphoria Bible- https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en Wondering if you're experiencing Gender Dysphoria? This may be a good place to start. Realize the GDB is slanted largely towards transfem folks, so it doesn't necessarily apply evenly to everyone, but it does cover a lot of ground that folks may identify with.

Trans Medical Resources

DIY HRT- https://diyhrt.cafe/index.php/Main_Page (for legal reasons, I'm going to tell you to at least try to see a licensed physician or endocrinologist before starting to DIY your own hormones, but keep in mind, I'm not your responsible adult, and if you don't choose to listen, that's on you) This is the main, best hub for sourcing and getting info on doing your own hormone therapy. Keep in mind, it's once again slanted towards feminizing methods, because testosterone is still a controlled substance in most of the world (which is bloody fucking stupid, but that's a rant for another time).

GALAP- The Gender Affirming Letter Access Project- https://thegalap.org/ While we may have new WPATH guidelines with the Soc 8 updates that dropped a little bit ago, most providers and insurers are still on outdated requirements that insist on letters from mental health providers for transgender-related care. Which can affect access to surgeries, HRT, and more. GALAP exists to connect folks with providers who'll give those letters,m in some cases free of charge even.

Gynecologist List- https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Djia_WkrVO3S4jKn6odNwQk7pOcpcL4x00FMNekrb7Q/htmlview This one's more for uterus-owners in general and less trans-specific, but giventhe number of folks with uteri who'd can end up with a hard time finding a willing doctor for some procedures, it's important for everyone. This is a Google database of hundreds of gynecologists, listed by location, willing to perform sterilization procedures with informed consent, without secondary authorization from anyone else. The list is patient-vetted, so your mileage may vary, but for those seeking sterilization and/or hysterectomies as part of their transition it may prove to be invaluable as a resource, because doctors willing to do this work can be few and rare in some areas.

Transfeminine Science- https://transfemscience.org/ Articles, journals and all sorts of researching into, well, just what the name says, transfeminizing science. A lot of medical professionals simply don't have knowledge in the field and are acting on what they learned in med school, which may be way out of date. If they're willing to listen, there's stuff in there to help bring them up to speed. Better yet, it;'s also a great resource to educate yourself so you can advocate for your own care a bit better.

Other Transition resources (legal, social, etc)

NCTE's ID GUIDE- https://transequality.org/documents The National Transgender Center for Equality's guide to changing your legal identity, in a handy format that lets you break it down by state or territory, or even federal documents (United States only, sorry.) and links to the right paperwork to use. Rainbow Passage- https://rainbowpassage.org/ It sucks that we need organizations like this in these times, but I'm glad to see there's people already stepping up to the task. Rainbow Passage is an organization dedicated to helping trans youth get out of trans-hostile states and relocate to safer areas. And if you can, volunteering for them is a great way to help improve safety for trans folk in general.

Seattle Voice Lab- https://www.seattlevoicelab.com/ if you've seen me on social media much lately, then you've seen me talking about this place. This is who I'm (through February and March at least) taking voice lessons through to feminize my own voice more. They also have a bunch of online resources, a discord server, and other help if you need to figure your own vocal chords out a bit better.

Strands For Trans- https://strandsfortrans.org/ Need a haircut, or color or other beauty services you're using for the first time ever as an out trans person and you're not sure where's going to be safe to go? Strands For Trans is the first comprehensive database of Aesthetics businesses for hair and everything, AND THEY VET THE BUSINESSES, to ensure your safety and comfort.

TLC's Life-Planning Guide- http://transgenderlawcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/TLC_Life-Planning-Documents-Transgender.pdf The Transgender Law Center put this guide together specifically for planning end-of-life details. Yes, it's a depressing and tragic thing, but protecting and making sure our identities are still properly preserved after we die is still just as an important part of what we're fighting as anything else is. This guide will help you with establishing a Living Will, controlling hospital visits, and setting up proper Powers of Attorney, so that nothing potentially falls back into the hands of people who might refuse to recognize who you truly are. (In many states, you can designate someone other than your next of kin to take charge of your body when you die (next of kin is defined by law, not by preference). If you need to do that, go to nolo.com and look up article on "[your state] funeral law" to get a rundown on if and how to do this.

Trans Media

The Digital Transgender Archive- https://www.digitaltransgenderarchive.net "The purpose of the Digital Transgender Archive (DTA) is to increase the accessibility of transgender history by providing an online hub for digitized historical materials, born-digital materials, and information on archival holdings throughout the world." (In short, this is one of several free libraries of trans history.)

Totally Trans- https://www.patreon.com/totallytrans/posts Hey, look at that, it's another Patreon! Except, no, wait, it's a podcast! Totally Trans looks at media both historical and modern with a transgendered lens. Sometimes it's silly fun, other times, it's great insights into queer and trans history, and all around it's a great show to add on whatever service you're already getting podcasts through- or you can hit the link above to help support them at the same time for early access.

Trans News, Blogs, and Notes

Erin In The Morning: https://www.erininthemorning.com/ Erin's newsletter runs almost daily these days, mostly with updates regarding trans legislation all around the US. It's a good way to stay up to date, but it can also be a drag these days, largely because it's practically just a constantly expanding list of bad news thanks to the GOP right now.

Stained Glass Woman: https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/ aka Doc Impossible/Zoe. I first discovered her work and writing when WPATH released their new SOC 8 guidelines, because she was one of the few people that could make the thing actually make sense in non-legalese. But I subscribed andkeep following here for regular updates both because she presents a trans coming out narrative that was just a joy to read, and also covers interesting  news in the field of trans medicine from time to time. Definitely worth adding to your feed.

A Self Defense Study Guide for Trans Women and Gender Non-Conforming / Nonbinary AMAB Folks: https://www.silversprocket.net/2021/09/13/a-self-defense-study-guide-for-trans-women-and-gender-non-conforming-nonbinary-amab-folks/

This is, quite honestly, one of the best self-defense guides I've seen for gender-nonconforming folks (and one of the few, to be honest), short of private defense instruction. AND it's available to read in full for free at that link, or in print for just a 5$ donation. Go check it out.

Other general roundups

Grassroots GAC Resources- https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19kSzBLo_hjpiBjHN8tvK73sVHU25NKWjMau2vNl8uuM/edit#gid=778305468 Google spreadsheet of links in general, from therapy help and hrt assistance, to all sorts of other info, some of which are repeats from here, but there's also a bunch of others I haven't had time or opportunity to vet yet.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Follow You Anywhere 5

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, controlling behavoiour, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You’re online existence threatens to leak into your real life.

Characters: Captain Syverson

Note: still sick but still craving dick.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Asking for more or putting ‘part 2?’ is not feedback.

Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖

You drain the glass of water and cling to it. You’re at a loss of what to do next. You’re not just trapped by this man, you’re bound up in fear. It’s a real life horror movie. 

You stand and blink long and hard, trying to steady yourself. You turn, your legs stiff and straight, your movement slow as if walking through sludge. You stop and sway as you find Sy watching you from the doorway. 

No wonder you never noticed him before. He’s so quiet, you didn’t even know he was still in the room. Well, he is a soldier after all. That fact chills you more than anything. Even if you were more formidable, you still wouldn’t have a hope. 

He wears only a pair of thin gym shorts, low on his hips and displaying his thick stomach. He’s not really fat, just burly. He’s got hair fron chest to waistline, his stomach boxy with muscle but not perfectly defined. His arms are hug and bulge without flexing. 

You gulp and look down at the empty glass and walk forward. 

“I can get that, sweetie,” he offers as you come close. 

“No, it’s okay,” you murmur, “I gotta... finish up a few things anyhow.” 

He doesn’t move. His large body blocks the exit and you poke your tongue out to wet your dry lips. His eyes narrow on your mouth and he releases a heavy exhale. 

“Excuse me,” you voice quavers, “I’m just tryna... get past.” 

“Sweetie, you sound tired, maybe you should lay down,” he reaches for you and you flinch. You see him hesitate before he closes the gap, rubbing your arm with his large hand. “Hm, I could rub your feet, we could talk. We got a lot of catching up to do.” 

“I... M-maybe later, this project is a big one,” you lie. It’s really nothing. A sixty-dollar edit you could do in your sleep. “It’s a bit early, anyway, right?” 

His hand lingers as he looks down at you. His thick fingertips flutter up your shoulder and along your neck. He turns his knuckles to graze your throat before he frames your chin. 

“You’re much prettier in person, you know that?” He purrs, “especially when you smile.” 

Your lip quivers as goosebumps raise on the back of your arms, “thanks, Sy. Um, sorry, can I get through?” 

He rubs your jaw with his thumb and tilts his head. Finally he drops his hand and sighs, smacking the side of his leg as he backs up, angling to offer just enough room for your escape. As you step out, you can’t help but brush against him. 

“Mmm,” he hums, “you smell like flowers.” 

You grip the glass even tighter, “thanks.” 

“Everything about you is just so...” he trails after you, right at your heels, “perfect.” 

You don’t know what to say to that. It’s a sweet compliment but it really doesn’t feel like it. He follows you to the kitchen, once more planting himself in the doorway, his hand on the frame as he watches you. You cough and rinse the glass, leaving it beside the sink. 

You face him again and wring your hands. As you near, he moves without being told. You skirt around him and sit at the table. You try not to shake as you open the laptop. You pause but resist the urge to look around. Where’s your phone? 

You do your best to bottle up every thought. You don't want him to sense your panic. You need to stay calm until a chance comes up. You don’t know what or when, but it has to. 

You click onto Adobe Suite and reload the same project as before. He just stands there, by the wall. You're too nervous to check if he’s looking at you.  

You hear a peculiar tapping and Aika slithers past her owner. As she approaches, you swallow and brace yourself. She sits beside you and puts her head in your lap. You gape down, in relief and surprise, and daintily touch her head. 

“She likes you a lot,” he beams and walks around the other side of the table. He drags a chair out and sits, “I told her all about you. She was over there too. Sniffin’ out IEDs.” 

“Oh,” you glance at him over the laptop. “Wow.” 

A pang stabs your chest. For a moment, you feel bad for him. You can’t begin to imagine what he saw in a war. You presume being far from home is never easy but that’s all so much more intense. 

“Yeah, tough, but we made it through,” he proclaims, “easier to get on when you got something to come home to.” 

You nod and look at the screen. This is all sorts of messed up. How stupid are you? Why couldn’t you just keep a journal? Why did you have to stream your stupid life to the stupid internet? You just assumed that no one would care. Like usual. 

You drag your fingers around the touch pad, trying to focus on the actual work. That's the only real escape you have. You need to think about anything else. 

“I thought... I thought you made your money from your videos,” he says as pushes his shoulders back, his figure broader than the chair. 

“Mm, no. Um, you know, not many viewers. I edit for other people. Pictures, videos,” you answer. It’s easier to talk when you keep it clinical. “Weddings, stuff like that.” 

“Ah,” he sniffs, “well, not about how many followers you got, just that they’re good people, huh?” 

“Sure, uh, yeah,” you sputter. 

“You okay, sweetie?” His tone sharpens. 

“Sorry, I'm just... working,” your lip twitches. “You know, I just... wasn’t expecting... you. I usually work um, between videos, and I didn’t plan on doing anymore today.” 

“Huh,” he pokes his tongue into his cheek, “but you usually do one. One early, one late.” 

You shift and Aika nuzzles your thighs, huffing until your pet her again. You bite the inside of your lip as your face singes, “right, but I’m a little behind...” 

He’s quiet. You feel him staring. He probably can see right through your lies. 

“You’re a hard worker, sweetie, I woulda guessed so,” he stands and the chair scrapes loudly, making you wince, “let me get outta your way. I can wait a bit longer.” 

You don’t look up as his shadows blurs along the edge of your vision. You wait until it fades away before you dare to peek. The TV comes back to life and you exhale. It’s not exactly freedom, just room to breathe. 

🧸

You are anything but behind. You’re so desperate to dissociate, that you breeze through your current projects. In the background, Sy lurks, the couch creaking as he sits up, his footfalls against the floor as he paces, and the little clicks and clacks of his curiosity as he looks around your place. 

As your eyes begin to glaze over from the glare, he appears on the other side of the table, “hungry, sweetie?” 

You’re not. You shrug, not wanting to give the wrong answer. 

“I could order something. I know you just shopped and all but I don’t mind.” 

“You know, that’s nice but I’m still full from breakfast.” 

“Ah, yeah, that was a big one,” he agrees, “you know, those field rations made me a bit of a glutton once I got back to civilization.” 

“Oh. You’re welcome to cook for yourself or something,” you offer. 

“You gonna stay on that all night,” he points at the computer, “that sh—the light can’t be good for your eyes.” 

“No, um, I... just finished.” 

You close the laptop reluctantly. You hear the edge creeping into his timbre. He’s getting impatient. 

“Well, if you’re not hungry, how about I run you a bath? You’re tense, you should relax, sweetie,” his hands go to his hips and tugs up his shorts just a little. 

“Sure...” you murmur. 

He goes before you can say anything else. What else can you say? He’s crazy and it’s becoming more obvious by the minute. Maybe you are too for not screaming at him to leave you alone. 

Aika exhales and falls onto her side, stretching her long legs as she relaxes. Right, he’s not the only one you have to worry about. You get up and clasp your hands together. You walk around the table, once, twice, three times. 

You hear the faucet and shudder. You stop and look at Aika then the door. You could sneak out right then. Tell your neighbour there’s an intruder in your home. With all his things and his dog. And they would see him walking in with you on the cameras like everything was all good. 

Right. It’s an option but not better than the current one. You’re more likely to piss him off than get rid of him. 

“Got it running for ya,” he comes out and you push your hands down, fighting own your fear. 

“Thanks,” you say as you cross the room, “that’s so sweet.” 

“Yeah, sweetie, no problem,” he nears and you keep from shying away, “I’m just tryna take care of you.” 

“I... really appreciate it,” you eke out. 

“You just take your time,” he runs his hands up and down your arms. “Mm,” he bites his lip, “you’re just so pretty. I can’t believe you’re real.” 

Your chest wracks and your head swells. You can’t believe he’s real either. 

You force a smile and freeze as you sense him leaning in. He kisses the top of your head and purrs, “you just go get nice and fresh.” 

He releases you and reluctantly lets you go. You sidle past him cautiously. You don’t look back as you head for the bathroom. You shut the door behind you and let the air free from your lungs. Holy crud. 

You go to the tub and stare in at the rising water. You wait for it to fill up before you shake the daze. You undress and slide into the water. You lean back and grip the edges. The world is surreal. 

You’re too restless to enjoy the warmth. Usually you would find a bath soothing. You often take them with a candle burning and your favourite soap bubbled over the surface. You don’t think you’ll ever know peace again. 

You sit up and hug your knees. You sit like that for a while. You want to fall apart right there but you know you can’t. The thing that helped you so much has doomed you. 

You pull the stopper and get out. The water’s just making you cold. You dry off and wrap the towel around you. You pick up your clothes and go to the door, pressing your ear to listen to the other side. 

You turn the handle slowly and ease it inch by inch. He’s not there. You tiptoe out, vigilant as you cross the room. You turn into the bedroom and nearly let out a yelp. You didn’t really think he’d left but you could hope. 

“These are real cute,” he lays down the button up silk pajama shirt with the matching shorts. 

“Oh, uh, sure, um...” 

“Should be nice and comfy,” he faces you with a grin. 

“Well, uh, yeah, but...” you begin to argue. You don’t really sleep in those ones, you more lounge around. “Thanks.” 

You keep your arms across your chest, the tower firmly clutched around you. You look down at the set as he remains close. You wait. Is he gonna go? 

“Aren’t ya gonna put them on?” 

“Sure, uh,” you grab them, your other hand fisted around the top of the towel, “I’ll just go do that.” 

“You don’t gotta be shy with me,” he purrs, “but I guess you’re a nice girl, huh. You like to take it slow.” 

You press your lips together, “mhm.” 

You back away, wanting to run in the other direction. You turn at the door and leave him there. You can’t help but feel he’s already seen too much. 

You flit back to the bathroom and lock yourself in. You are about to combust. You tremble as you pull on the shorts, then the shirt. You hang the towel and linger by the door. 

He's really not going to leave. For whatever reason, you hoped he might call it a night and go. Why would he do that? He doesn’t do sane things. 

“Sweetie,” the knock on the door makes you jump. “Everything okay?” 

“Yeah, fine,” you squeak. 

The door handle wiggles. You flick the lock back and he pushes it open from the other side. He lets go of the handle and steps back, his eyes roving up and down your body. 

“Ah, sugar, you look... look real... good,” his voice is smoky as he spreads his hand over his chest. “Sweet little thing, just wanna eat you—up!” 

He surprises you as suddenly he has you off your feet. He has his arms around you as he lifts you and carries you away from the bathroom door. You yelp and hit his shoulder, wriggling and kicking. Oh no! 

“Sy, please, no,” you cry out but he ignores you, “no, no, no...” you panic finally overflow and your eyes glisten. He takes you into the bedroom and your heart pounds feverishly, “please...” you wisp before he tosses you on the bed, “don’t hurt me!” 

You bounce on the mattress and hold your hand up, bracing for his next move. When it doesn’t come, you part your fingers and look at him through them. He watches you with a line in his forehead. 

“You think I’m gonna hurt you?” He rasps. 

“I... you just caught me off guard,” you push yourself up on your elbows, “I didn’t--” 

“I was just playing,” he frowns, “having some fun with my girl. Wanted some snuggles, is all.” 

Despite it all, you actually feel bad. He sounds genuinely hurt. You sit up all the way and pout up at him, “Sy,” you utter softly, “I’m tired, I’m sorry.” 

He inhales so his broad chest rises and blows it out as he rubs his shaves head. He drops his hand and sniffs, “yeah, me too. Been a long day.�� 

“So... so...” you quaver as you grasp at the last of your courage, “let’s just sleep it off.” 

His jaw ticks and he tilts his head until you hear a pop, “yeah, you’re right, sweetie. Think I just got overexcited.” 

You flutter your lashes as you hold back the wave of relief. It dissipates as soon as it rises. This isn’t over. You have a whole night ahead of you and brand new day. 

[valentine-cafe]

Can i get "aspec" and "safe space" as the pride prompts 🥺no specifics in mind, just wanna see what you'll do with them<3 happy pride!

. ˚◞♡ 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒆 & 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 ꒰ 𝒂𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄 + 𝒔𝒂𝒇𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆 ꒱◞ ₊˚

⊹ ۪ ࣪ ᥫ᭡ 1311 rishen & 1311 yu xi ꒱ sometimes, being born the way you are can be difficult to accept. especially when everyone calls it a phase it's been more of a curse than a blessing 

𖹭. content warnings◞  dysmorphia . hurt comfort . 1.3k

𖹭. receipts◞  being able to write our characters in a canononically accurate way is so refreshing ! happy pride month to you too<3

. ˚◞ ꒰ 🍰 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒔 ꒱ m.list . guidelines . characters . lorebook ⊹ ۪ ࣪ 

Slowly stirring their own cup of hot chocolate next to Rishen. Yŭ Xī stares out from the window that keeps the two safe from the dark rain pouring outside. The small droplets trickling down the glass panes the second the pitter against the window and scatter messily.

They stare out at the bright glowing night lamps. Illuminating the streets, and giving the passerby couple a small source of light to stand under. Laughing to themselves and pressing kisses to their cheeks.

Yŭ Xī doesn’t mean to twitch their right eye at the sight. A part of them simply feels, this itch, inside of them. A guilt that continues to build, despite all of the brushing off they usually do.

It’s hard to not think something is wrong with you when you continuously get called lonely, or odd. . . Or get told that something you are is a phase.

So instinctively, as they always do, they look away from the couple. And over at their best friend, smiling. Joking.

“You know. At work.” They begin, earning the attention of the admiral of aegis. Curiously awaiting their next words.

“Another agent, new one, got into the topic of romance and such. First thing I answered was about my own stuff, and then, she proceeded to tell me she was in that phase once. I’d get out of mine too, yeah?”

Now that earned a chuckle from the director, her head shaking a little at the aforementioned comment.

“The usual response, I assume?” She hums, smiling down at the shorter one. The teaspoon in her hand clanking against the clay cup quietly, as it stirs in the hot beverage.

Rishen’s maroon eyes then turn back to her own cup without so much else. Bringing the sugary drink to her lips and enjoying the warm taste on her tongue. Well, somewhat.

“Mm,” the corners of her mouth twitch downwards. Dress sweeping as she turns to grab ahold of her trusty jar of sugar. A silent, needs a lil’ more, brisking the cold air.

As she shuffles to spoon another mound into her awaiting hot chocolate, she pipes up.

“So what did you think about that -”

And just like that, the question dies on her tongue and instead reflects within her eyes when she catches sight of the one beside her. Dioxazine hues peering into the cup as though they wished to be swallowed whole by it.

A look that Rishen is not quite too familiar with. Not from their chaotic second-in-command.

“Hey,” her voice calls. Hesitancy tickling her tone. “Are you -”

“Y’know sometimes,” Yŭ Xī begins, cutting Rishen off where she stands. “Sometimes I wonder if people like her are right.”

The laugh is bitter. Contrasting the sweetness once stirred into melted chocolate.

“And sometimes,” thick like the snow outside, their voice quivers. “Sometimes I just think there’s - ah - somethin’ fucked with me.”

The woman furrows her brows at the reaper and leans against the counter.

“I look at myself in the mirror and I see how lonely I am. . . Or well, maybe rather how lonely the world makes me. I can’t fucking tell anymore, it’s hard.” They pause, before inhaling and resuming.

“It’s hard when everyone around you tries to convince you that, ’you just haven’t found the right person yet’ and ’well its always good to try everything out before you say you don’t like it or want it!’”

They huff in frustration, a few tears welling up in the corners of their eyes. Quickly wiped away, so that they do not spill down the cold face.

“I don’t know what I am anymore, I don’t feel love that way and I don’t feel the attraction towards people like that. I don’t want to either. What’s wrong with just having friends? What’s wrong with not searching for physical intimacy?!”

Before they continue, Rishen places a gentle hand on their back and shakes them a little.

“Yŭ Xī, hey. Breathe.” She responds softly, still keeping her ears open for more venting.

The surrounding apartment only picks up the soft sounds of the rain hitting against it, while deep, shaky breaths are taken in the kitchen. An annoyed sob leaving the reaper as tears begin trickling down their face.

“It’s so stupid. I feel so alone. I feel alone and I don’t know what to do. It’s stupid.”

As they berate their problem as though it were nothing of its stature; their clawed hand grips upon the counter. An attempt to ground themselves. Yet the only grounding needed was Rishen’s tender hand upon their shoulder.

Silence.

It’s all they hear, apart from the ringing in their ears. Apart from the breaking of their heart, and what they assumed to be their soul. Along with the dissonant choir that tormented their mind. Voices of the past, old and young. Voices of strangers, familiars, all in one.

A agonising cacophony to thrum with their throbbing heart.

Until the gentle strings of a melodious voice is heard. Low, yet tender all the same.

“So what?”

The question flared something within Yŭ Xī. The overwhelm soaring to their throat as their sharp eyes dart to their friend. Brimmed with tears and a look that searches for audacity.

“So what?” They quiver. Lips curling and tears falling.

“Wh-What the fuck do you mean ‘so what’ - I don’t feel love-”

“Wow, you actually got something wrong.”

The continuation stuns the reaper and they can do all but stare at the straight face presented to them. Lips parted in protest, before. . .

“It’s romantic attraction that you do not feel, not love.”

Rishen’s maroon eyes melt from firmness and she moves to slide the cup Yŭ Xī abandoned closer. Ignoring the look given unto her by the younger.

“Romantic attraction. Sexual. Friendly. Familial — they’re all one in the same.” She starts, gaze dropping to her drink that she swivels in her cup soon after.

“Like sugar, chocolate, milk and marshmallows. Sure they’re all different, but put them in a cup and what do you get?”

Yŭ Xī’s brows furrow a bit before glancing into the warm ceramic their clawed hands wrapped around.

“A lovely cup of hot chocolate,”

Rishen continues.

“Love,”

Those words slither into the younger’s ears and they try to process it. Running it through their mind a few times. They bring the drink to their lips and sip on the sweetness. Tasting the unity of flavours, the combination of one particular essence.

There was no difference.

Just. . . a lovely drink.

They blink back tears. Just like the clouds fuming their mind. And in their moment of clarity. . . it all made sense.

“. . . you’ve just got a sugar addiction man.”

“Hey.”

They look over at her with a look, but one that is ridden of the previous emptiness within it. Replaced with the usual happy and chaotic light in their eyes.

“It’s the truth, who makes analogies about hot chocolate?” They giggle, elbowing the woman gently in the ribs.

And they can only laugh loudly when they recieve a pinch to their cheek by the hand of her.

“Would you be able to be friends with me if you could not love?”

“. . . I suppose not.”

“So therefore you know how to love. You not loving romantically or sexually does not mean you do not love.”

Another silence overtakes the apartment, but in contrast to the previous one, it is content. Safe. Each drag and draw of a breath a calm one, mixed with the soothing music playing inside of the living room.

“Yeah. . . Yeah. You’re right.”

“As I am most of the time”

“Eeeeeeeh”

A small huff leaves the director as they turn to look at the other, who is grinning back up at him in response to her own.

“Shut up and get on the couch so we can watch the movie. . . also which agent—”

“Oh please, don’t give her your time.”

𖹭. taglist◞ wanna join the taglist? fill out this form

𖹭. remember◞ you make a writer's day every time you like, reblog and/or comment on their piece. if you enjoyed my work, please considering doing so<3

. ˚◞ ꒰ 🍰 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒔 ꒱ tip jar . masterist ⊹ ۪ ࣪

[wannabehockeygf]

Hi friends! I’m going to be doing a new thing in which I’m going to post a list of prompts (below this) for people to request if they went to!

Sometimes I just wanna write something short & sweet so I thought why not put it in the hands of my followers/readers or if you just came across this, feel free to request anyway or check out my other work.

This is also something experimental for me to broaden my horizons & skill for writing in general because there’s always room to improve!

***

fluff

1. “I think I’m obsessed with you”

2. “Five more minutes?”

3. “When can I see you again?”

4. “We don’t have to go out, I can just tell him we did so it doesn’t have to be weird.”

5. “I had a dream about you last night.”

6. “I could kiss you forever.”

7. “Are you blushing?”

8. “Come over. No, not to hook up, I just want to hold you.”

9. “Let me drive you home.”

10. “Are you nervous?”

11. “You fell asleep on me, and I didn’t want to move.”

12. “Is that my hoodie?”

13. “We should do this more often.”

14. “Can I hold your hand?”

15. “I made you breakfast.”

16. “Let’s just stay in bed all day.”

17. “I can’t believe you remembered.”

18. “You’re stuck with me forever.”

19. “Can I keep you? Like, forever?”

20. “I miss you already.”

angst

21. “We’re done.”

22. “Did you just fucking throw that at me?”

23. “Please, stop lying to me.”

24. “Touch her again and you’re gonna get it.”

25. “Can you act like an adult for one goddamn second?”

26. “Leave. Pack your shit, and leave.”

27. “I just don’t like the way — looks at you. That’s all.”

28. “I can’t do this anymore.”

29. “It’s because I love you, alright? I love you so much, it hurts.”

30. “Are you cheating on me?”

31. “Why does it feel like I’m losing you?”

32. “Stop pretending everything’s okay.”

33. “You don’t get to decide what’s best for me.”

34. “Do you even love me anymore?”

35. “I wish I never fucking met you!”

36. “I hate that I still care.”

37. “I gave you everything, and you threw it away.”

38. “I’m tired of being your second choice.”

39. “Was it worth it?”

40. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

smut

41. “We have to be quiet.”

42. “Are you trying to make me hard?”

43. “Let’s make a tape.”

44. “I’m not wearing anything underneath.”

45. “I haven’t even touched you and you’re already wet.”

46. “You’re not going out wearing that.”

47. “Do you want to talk about it?” “Not really.”

48. “Where do you want me?”

49. “You want them to know you’re mine, huh?”

50. “Are you acting like a brat for a reason?

51. “Touch yourself for me.”

52. “On your knees.”

53. “You’re making that sound again.”

54. “Please, I’m so hard it hurts.”

55. “I’m not done with you yet.”

56. “Show me how much you missed me.”

57. “I want to feel you on every inch of me.”

58. “Keep your eyes on me.”

59. “Say my name.”

60. “You wanted this, didn’t you?”

Just go to my inbox, and request the number corresponding to a prompt with any player of your choice and any other specifics for me <3

You can also request without a prompt! Just give any guideline, trope, etc.