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#i can’t tell if i over wrote
syrupgirl · 1 year
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Request:
Could u write a fic ab Sully family x y /n reader? Where she lives with the sully family after her parents died, she gets taken by the colonel in the forest and is set up for bate because he knows she important to the Sully family.
a/n: the way I interpreted this, reader is taken by herself rather than what happens in the film where all of the kids get taken. I did use the rough layout of the scene for inspo but it does diverge from cannon ie Neteyam is with the kids when they get discovered. I hope that’s similar enough to what you mean. also reader is na’vi and around Neteyam’s age :p
Sullys stick together -The Sully family
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“Catch me if you can!” Tuk yelled. Her little feet pattering along the branch of an enormous tree, while you and the rest of the Sully children chased her for sport.
She giggled delightedly, dodging out of the way of Lo’ak’s hand.
You really weren’t supposed to be out this far. Too close to the battlefield Jake had said. To close to where the sky people had already begun laying their claim on Pandora. Not if the Na’vi had anything to say about it.
But oh, it was such a beautiful day, almost no clouds in the sky, Kenten floated around you with the unfurled fan necks slowing their descent. Who wouldn’t want to get carried away with the day?
Suddenly, little Tuk ran into the trunk of a tree and startled back, falling on her butt. Kiri rushed forward and kneeled beside her, rubbing her back.
“Oh Tuk, are you ok? Are you hurt?” Kiri asked, ever the nurturer.
Tuk rubbed her nose and sniffed, tiny little tears blooming in her eyes. “Yeah, just got a fright, that’s all.”
Kiri helped the youngest sully stand up and continued to comfort her. Tuk reassured her sister that she was ok and Kiri relented. Tuk then wandered off to continue her little adventure.
“Wait, guys! Look!” Lo’ak whisper shouted.
Everyone looked to the direction he was pointing. Spider’s eyes widened and he even gasped a little.
“Wow, bro. That’s where my dad and your dad fought, right?” He asked Neteyam.
Neteyam didn’t answer right away, looking almost sheepish. “Yeah, bro.”
Lo’ak looked like he could barely keep still, a giddy grin upon his face.
“Well c’mon! Let’s have a look inside!” He was about to spring up when you put a firm hand on his shoulder.
“No way! We have no idea what’s in there, there could be some old tech still active, or…I don’t know, some angry beast!”
Despite not being a blood member of the Sulky family, after Jake and Neytiri took you under their wing and growing up with them for so long cemented your place among them as family. You were as much Neteyam’s sister as Tuktirey was.
Despite not being a blood member of the Sully family, they listened to you and cared about what you had to say, or that’s what you thought.
“That’s why we have our knives, skxawng.” And with that Lo’ak got you to sprint to the abandoned lab. Well, he would’ve had it not been for the tussling of the bushes opposite where you were all crouching.
“Sit down!” Neteyam gritted out, he grabbed his younger brother by the back of his neck and yanked him back down beside him. Lo’ak started to protest, talking about how it was probably some harmless animal. The sound of voices shut him down. Voices speaking in, english.
You were confused. Sky people should not have gotten this far out without drawing attention of the clan. Neteyam motioned for everyone to be still and you all watched on as the voices got closer.
Neteyam turned on his comms and started speaking to Jake. You could guess what he was saying; do not engage, retreat, stay low and out of sight. All very good suggestions in your opinion.
You kept your gaze intently to the direction of the voices, just waiting for them to pop out so you could get a good look at them and hopefully get some answers to your burning questions.
For better or for worse your questions were answered sooner than you thought.
Aside from the speaking english, the only thing that gave them away for being avatar and not Na’vi was the tactical gear. They were fully decked out. A few of them had arms decorated with tattoos and…sunglasses, Jake had called them.
They slowly approached the abandoned lab with guns raised and eyes everywhere. You all ducked down further once you realised you were way out of your league. Unarmed humans you might be able to handle. Armed humans, definitely more difficult but you had done it before, but avatar who were armed to the teeth along with the strength and speed of the na’vi made for a dangerous mix. You all watched as they searched through the building, overturning the insides of it.
“Come on, dad is on his way, he told us to fall back.” Neteyam’s urged all of you, gesturing into the forest behind him.
“What? No! This is our- my chance to prove to dad that I can help! I can be an asset to the people!”
Neteyam and Lo’ak continued to bicker when you noticed Kiri looking around, looking around desperately.
“Kiri?” you asked, “what’s wrong?”
The girl looked almost brought to tears when she looked up to you.
Her voice trembled, “Where is Tuk?”
Oh god.
She had disappeared before Lo’ak had picked up on the lab.
No one had seen her since.
Kiri clasped her hands around her mouth, she looked about as scared as you felt. God, little Tuktirey.
Abruptly, the group of avatars in front of you trained their guns on clump of trees of to your right. You had heard the sound too, a snap of a small branch or twig. Whatever had stepped on it was light.
Light enough to be Tuk.
The hostiles started to walk toward the noise. It’s like you were watching them in slow motion. Off to the side you could see Kiri��s eyes widen, horror flashed across her face. Spider had a similar expression, his eyebrows upturned in the centre. Lo’ak and Neteyam had stopped their fighting and just looked scared out of their own minds. Neteyam for once didn’t have a solution for everything.
So you did the only thing you could think of. A stupid, stupid thing looking back on it, a stupid thing parading itself as bravery. You scrunched your face, said a silent prayer to Eywa to deliver Tuk to safety and to give you strength for whatever was to happen.
You lept out from behind the log and dashed out of cover.
The avatars snapped their attention to you and raised their guns, but you kept charging towards them. Unsheathing the small knife you kept on you at all times, you cried out.
An avatar with short cropped hair on the top of his hair held out his hand and caught you around the neck. He didn’t hold you tight enough to strangle you, but tight enough that you couldn’t escape. He lifted you up into the air like you were fresh prey.
You struggled and snarled, trying to get your knife in any part of him that you could reach.
“Well, well, well, lookie here…” Quaritch chuckled darkly. He motioned for his squad to lowers their guns and the obeyed, observing their colonel with obvious amusement. It made you sick, you probably outwardly grimaced.
“I’ve seen you somewhere before.” He muttered. Quaritch made a show of ‘hmmm’ing and scratching his chin in fake thought. “Ah yes, i’ve seen your runnin’ around with the Sully spawn. You’ve been causin’ a lot of trouble, you and those other brats.”
You pretended not to understand him, opting to keep snapping and thrashing at him. It was not a complete lie; while Jake had taught you some basic english, you could probably only form the sentences of a small human child.
“The thing looks feral…” A teammate muttered from behind the colonel and the squad laughed.
“Don’t be fooled, soldier. These Na’vi can be quite clever when they put their heads together.” The colonel responded.
Thinking of your family behind you, you hoped and prayed that they had retreated back with Tuktirey.
Quaritch lowered you to the ground but before you tried to make a break for it, he wove his fingers through your hair and pulled hard.
You bit your teeth to stifle a scream and reached up to attempt to pry his hand off of your head.
“I know that there’s more of you back there, in the tree line, so you behave and my team will leave them be.” Fear flooded you at that, hearing that this man knew you weren’t alone. With a snap of his fingers he could have you all held hostages. So you stilled. You rested your hands back at your sides and begrudgingly set your gaze on him.
The avatar holding you smiled.
“Children o’ Sully! You listen here,” he spoke in english before switching into what seemed to be pretty broken na’vi, “you tell your father to come here, and this girl will be returned unharmed in exchange for his compliance.”
At least he didn’t know Neteyam had already been in contact with both Jake and Neytiri. If they just pretended to leave, Jake and Neytiri would think of a plan. Like they always do.
The bushes where everyone was hiding rustled. Quaritch tensed and the avatars behind you raised their guns once more, but the bushes stilled, no other came from it.
You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You hoped that they had gone back home or at least taken Tuk back.
“Alright everyone, I’m guessing we can expect Jake Sully and his mate getting here pretty soon.” He drawled, turning to face his team. “Get ready for an attack. Be on your guard and keep your new eyes and ears sharp.”
-
Jake and Neytiri quietly dismounted their Ikran and armed themselves. Neytiri looked as if she was shaking with rage, her mouth downturned and her eyes looking for a threat.
“Hey, I’m sure they’re all fine. They’re tough kids, they’re our kids which make them tougher.” Jake attempted a joke but it died out in the silence when Neytiri did not respond.
They hadn’t landed far from where Neteyam told them they were and they were almost silent as they crept forward into the thicket.
A flutter of motion from they’re left has Neytiri’s bow drawn and aimed at the spot.
“Mom! It’s just us! It’s me, Lo’ak!” Lo’ak revealed himself from his hiding spot, arms raised and Neytiri breathed a watery sigh.
She rushed forward, took her baby in her arms, and held him tightly. Lo’ak wrapped his arms around her neck and squeezed. From behind him, Neteyam and spider emerged too, looking a little more embarrassed. Jake looked at his eldest and frowned.
“Where are your sisters?” He asked. Neytiri finally set Lo’ak down and gasped a little, noticing the absence of three of the Sully children.
“Kiri took Tuktirey back home and..” Neteyam looked ashamed, “yn was taken.”
His mother squeezed her eyes closed. Even if you weren’t born of her, you were her daughter. The idea of you being taken, as bait no less, had her heart in her stomach and her chest alight with anger.
Jake sighed and his face turned stony. “You all stay here, stay hidden, while we clean up your mess.” He whispered. The boys wilted and sunk back.
-
Your legs were starting to ache with how long you had been standing and your scalp with how hard the grip he had on your hair.
The man who had been holding you earlier passed you off to another one of his teammates, who seemed to take liberties in yanking your hair every once and a while.
The once clear sky had filled with clouds and rain trickled down through the canopy above you. No one had spoken in a long time, like everyone was holding their breath.
Suddenly, your ear twitched and you flicked your eyes to where you had heard…something. It could just be the sounds of the forest, an animal eating a plant or a ripe piece of fruit hitting the earth, but this sound sounded out of place, made my something not of the forest.
You caught a glimpse of something blue ducking behind the trunk of a wide tree. They had been holding what looked like a bow. Neytiri!
You shut your eyes and thanked Eywa for delivering you a mother as magnificent and brave as her.
Everything was still for a while and you wondered why Neytiri hadn’t taken a shot. Had she left? In an attempt to look like you were getting drowsy, you slumped a back into the avatar holding you. Your head hit his chin as you did so. He shoved you forward again, tugging your hair as he did so.
That’s why she hadn’t taken a shot, there was too much of a risk of hitting you. You looked up to where you had seen her before and caught her eyes. She had been staring at you intently the whole time, waiting for an opening.
So you gave her one.
You hoped she understood what you tried to say in a single look.
Saying another silent prayer to Eywa, you grabbed the arm that wasn’t gripping your hair, brought it up to your mouth, and bit down as hard as you could.
The man screamed, “You little bitch!”
Thankfully, on instinct he let go of your head and you had just enough time to duck out of the way before an arrow hit him straight between the eyes.
-
Twigs and leaves crunched beneath your feet and you made a break into the forest. You didn’t dare look back behind you. Gunshots rang through the air, some even whizzed past you.
Just as you jumped over the fallen trunk of a tree, an arm caught you from the side. You fought against it, landing a blow against whoever’s face had snatched you.
They groaned and let you go.
“Be calm! It’s just me!” Spider said as he held his now bloody nose.
You gasped and reached out to touch his face. “Oh Spider, I’m so sorry. You scared me!”
He shook his head a little before standing up, offering you a hand. “It’s fine, let’s go. Lo’ak and Neteyam already left.”
You took his hand and the two of you ran through the forest together. Never daring to look back.
-
When Jake and Neytiri returned, you knew you were all in for it.
You and your siblings listened outside of their tent, listening to them argue. You held Tuk to you, you didn’t want her to hear what they were saying but she insisted, so all you could do was let her know she wasn’t alone.
Jake stormed out of the tent and you all pretended to be looking at anything else. Smooth.
“yn, get over here.” He ordered. Lo’ak patted you on the back and walked away with the others.
“That stunt you pulled!? That’s not on, okay? It was stupi-!”
You interrupted him, “What I did was stupid, but I don’t regret it. If I hadn’t, Tuk would have been in my position and I couldn’t stand by and watch that happen, sir.” Jake was silent at that. The same stern look painted across his face and his eye twitched.
You stood your ground.
He stood his. For a while.
Until he broke.
The hard look he had softened and he just looked like a tired dad. You realised how stressed he must be, knowing that an old enemy was back and would go through his family to get him. He though he had lost Neteyam earlier this week, and now his daughter? You could have sympathy for him.
You approached him and wrapped your arms around his broad chest. “I’m sorry, dad. I’m sorry for worrying you.”
It felt as if his chest buckled at that and he returned your hug.
“Don’t ever scare me like that again. Alright, soldier?”
You smiled up at him and gave him a. mock salute.
“Yes, sir.”
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godofstupidsentences · 7 months
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I actually don’t understand why the town decided Reid was the big villain of the story
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agoldengalaxy · 10 months
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no1ryomafan · 5 months
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I mentioned this briefly last night in my last big post so here it is: The Ashe&Grey to Kei&Go parallel meme. I would’ve done a compare and contrast chart instead of listing out all the parallels but last time I did it the resolution was even worse then these 💀 besides just pointing out the similarities is funnier since I’d say overall their vastly different characters- but these baseline similarities I can’t help to notice even if I doubt it was a reference on ZXs part to Armageddon. Moral of the story they'd all be besties probably. (Also I’m going to ramble in the tags once more-)
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#meg text#getter robo armageddon#mega man zx#shitpost#I actually did do art once of grey and ashe in go and keis clothes but never bothered to post it on my art blog#even though I posted it on my Twitter art alt which is just the same fucking thing 💀 my inconsistency between the two is hilarious#also to clarify if anyone saw the fic post no this will not be mentioned in the crossover even if it would be a funny angsty thing to write#it’s not one of *those* crossovers and none of these characters will be prevalent (even if I can say one of these duos does appear)#but if I ever wrote a normal ass ZXA fic where grey and ashe both existed I’d have to NOT give Grey Gos “I will protect you” complex 💀#Grey is more personified then Go so it be less of a “it’s my objective” thing but baby boy doesn’t need to risk it all for his sister#especially when they both could kick ass together bc I will always roll with the hc if they both exist in a timeline they share Model A#I will never understand how the fuck Ashe is Albert’s daughter though bc its so confusing if she’s his descendant or not#I cannot tell if it’s a mistranslation thing or if Albert contradict himself I’d have to look at the dialogue again bc it’s been awhile#(I play ZX religiously I just can’t remember the last time I looked at all the dialogue- especially advent)#I guess it’s better then having a gender crisis like Kei over there though#Oh and I may have stretched it a bit with Kei’s meme bc it was never said if she *wasnt* going to pilot a getter#and like shin dragon whole ordeal was it needed to scan Kei’s dna to further its evolution which feels like it leads into her piloting it#but from wtf I grasp about Saotome’s questionable parenting is he probably raised her as a boy bc he wanted her to be a researcher#and not a pilot#the tables fucking turned there LMAO#Oh and machine in the meme getter wise refers to both shin dragon and shin (for zx it’s clearly just A)
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newervegas · 3 months
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okok sleep deprived BUUT i think i have the j//jk verse figured out so far!!!!!!
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three clowns atm!! shiori (g*ojo), minako (t*oji + ch*oso) and kanna (n*anami) !!!!!!! 🌸💕
minako is g/ojos older sister (by a few years she graduated college and was in her first year as a teacher in ye olde flashback era of when g*ojo and besties were in school) she was married and thus and still into today she uses her late spouses surname mizuhara.
shiori is either n//aoyas twin but they weren’t really close as kids and aren’t close now so there isn’t much to that?? (or maybe they were but now its strained due to yk succession who gets to be heir i am not quite sure about that yet!! oo it would give s//uccesiion but make it j//jk OO!!!!!) ORR she’s the older sib of m*ai and m*aki?? and still candidate of heir (?) in that as well?)
BUT ANYWAY..!!!! she was an old classmate of g/ojo and the besties (was maybe in either his year or n/anami and kannas year?) AND BESTEST BUDS. its giving childhood sweethearts to lovers yk? CUUTE.
fast forward t*oji passes….ish. right she and him after they grad they raise her nephew together (he even has a room at her apartment they’ve been SUUPER married but never got together what gives yk?? ILL EXPLAIN 💀) so her career skyrocketed (as an actress?? model? both????) and so things got busy BUUT like they’ve baaasically been living together and raising two youngins (minako and t*oji have a daughter aya <3) they hang out like ALL THE TIME……. and yet not married 💀
(but i mean thats not to say they’ll never yk *giggles* shes taking a year off of to help out and support m*egumi at his first year with goj 🥀🤧 SUPER MARRIED PARENTS!!) theyve alsoo been very invested the last decade or so with getting two of their besties together ever since n*anami said he was interested in her since like forever and never told them about it but swore to never tell her about it so theyve been trying to subtly *wheeze* set them up 🥀🤡
WHICH LEADS ME TO KANNAAA so she’s the granddaughter to the principal of the k*yoto campus and she transferred to tokyo so not to have the rep as “principals kid” (she still did alas 💀✨🤧) and possibly get special treatment bc shes related to one of the administrators. her curse technique she uses (its like c*assia in r*ogue trader-ish seeing emotions, curses and resonances as colors and swipes of paint and swipes of a paintbrush !!) and its helpful as she is a psychotherapist these days for sorcerers !!!!!!! 🌸 very much on the outside cool and collected “has her stuff together.” meanwhile that mask hides behind a hot mess teehee <3 also parties a lot chronic partner drags shiori to all of her after parties and galas and suggests kanna “tags along” so she can party 🥀😌 the girls are thriving!!!!!!!!
she didn’t think anything of nan and in fact likely didn’t even know he existed let alone has had a childhood harbored crush on her 🥀💀 ……. and then they reunite when they’re set up together in ep9 TEEHEE (everyone (g*ojo and shiori) cheers they’re brains for suggesting she aid them HUUUGE) she had planned only to be there for the exchange event and then go back to things buuuut teehee n*anami like kanna fell HARD (everyone’s thrilled especially g*ojo and shiori ndjxxh) and thus decided to take a transfer to be in t*okyo HEHE.
SO GOLDFISH BRAIN their curses!! minako (dream walking/weaving), shiori (pied piper if i make her an actress she doesn’t do musicals or play instruments UNLESS there’s curses in her midst bc she can control them and people in the vicinity with her ability (like meat puppets 🥀🤧 BUUT if i made her a model people already would expect her not to sing so i mean it would be convenient??) and kanna was listed earlier!!
(also when g*ojo and shiori finally DO get together everyone was like ????? we thought you both already were?? and they were like 🥀🧍‍♀️🧍👁️✨😶🫨)
BONUS TRACK VERSION: so nan and kan begin as more of a fwb but it doesn’t last im thinking bc teehee <3 BUUT not before shiori stopped by kans place for something and noticed…… something of nanamis there 🥀💀 (like a tie or jacket of his or something yk?) BUT THE WAY SHIO BOLTSSSS TO DELIVER THE NEWS very had to be ✨ so normal ✨ around them lest ye aforementioned parties are made aware that they know 🌸💕🫨🥴
#leg.txt#t: personal musings#i am so sorry if this makes no sense dkxjxhgc i haven’t gone to sleep and it’s 7 am 💀) ANYWAY i hope y’all are well!!!!!! 🌸💕#*its 8 am now *wheeze* leg go to sleep challenge (impossible) the saga continues 🥀🤡#veery trying to keep it vague xkxhhxh since i think im a bit over halfway thru s1#and like yk this all could SUUPER change yk?? (alsoo i can’t wait to dev minako and c*hoso once i meet him they’re gonna be the cutest AHH)#alsoo jess i may beeline to the ye olde messages bc i have hyperfixation bad rn 🥀🤧😌✨☺️ binge watching it and feeling normal rn!! <3#ill go into a lore thingy on minakos new lore later !!!!!! leg need nap *wheeze* 🥀🤧🥴✨#but like in short toj they meet she went on a date to tell him she’s married its dropped#SUBSEQUENTLY he’s given an assignment interestingly to zero her man and the immediate family#(she had to grade an assignment that night where her students wrote their own plays!!)#i mean in his mind even with his profession he’s the tiniest wee bit grateful she wasn’t attending that night 🌸💕☺️😵‍💫#something something in love with the mark trope I LOVE SYMBOLISM!!!!!!!#and like her and goj were SUUPER close until he passed then she never really wanted to see him or speak to him again#leg returning to their v//tm era while also needing to write that w//itcher fic and other things 🥀🥴 but!! we are creating though yay!!!!!!!#that is a BOTCHED summary of things for minakotoj if i ever saw one kdjxhxhx 🥀🤧
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sailforvalinor · 1 year
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#hffjfhfhhhhghgh#sometimes you think you’re over a guy but then you have a normal conversation with him like a normal person and proceed to think about it#for the next ten hours#my silly little INFP brain is being insufferable about this#like seriously I don’t want to date a guy who curses like a sailor I don’t#but we just get along so well together? he was homeschooled like me? he’s an lotr fanatic (as in he’s read the books)? he has OPINIONS#about little women? he’s an agatha christie fan?? he had reasonable things to say in biblical studies a couple years ago (which is more#than I can say for 95 percent of the people in that class)?#but I mean it doesn’t matter we’ve known each other for nearly three years and I can’t tell that he’s ever had that kind of interest in me#(granted I am a TERRIBLE judge)#fun fact though he is the guy who read a story I wrote freshman year and read a romance scene and exclaimed ‘that’s it! that’s what love is#supposed to be!’#I mean how was I SUPPOSED to react#if nothing else he’s definitely one of Anne’s kindred spirits and I think I can live with that#anyway sorry feel free to ignore I just needed to ramble#I drove for like three hours today and it was just swirling around in my head the whole time#will probably delete later because there are a couple people who follow me who know me irl and would probably know exactly what I’m talking#about. they’re not super active though so#(and yes this is Alcott boy. although hilariously before I knew his name I called him Agatha Christie boy)#on a lighter note I may have convinced him to watch otgw because it has Elijah wood in it lol
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doriandrifting · 1 year
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What level of irony is it that t-shirts got banned at my job because one of my coworkers wore a hellfire shirt and my boss thought it was something satanic?
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thrombosis · 2 years
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i talk abt this shit all the time but i am always floored whenever i think about kanda’s resolve for too long i want to d13. the fact that he believes that he could just Defy God and Live for as long as it takes to find That Person. the fact he goes into every life threatening encounter and no matter how many times he’s killed in battle and how many years he shreds away from his life in insane acts of self mutilation, he believes he’ll survive it all, because he has no choice but to. he hasn’t found Them yet. his deeply rooted belief that nothing, not even God, could stop him from getting to Her. like that one lyrics from work song that’s like “ no grave can hold my body down, i’ll crawl home to her. “ the fact he is so convinced she’s alive and obtainable, because there’s no room for doubt, doubt will kill him. this fatalistic love and devotion he has from someone who he deluded himself into believing was alive. this person who only existed in his memories. the amount of devotion he has almost seems sacred. religious. the fact that the first truth he has ever known is that He Loved Her.
and yet, the short story characterizes him in a way that tells us he is not as fearless as he seems to be. like, he genuinely panics over his lotus flower dying bc its a representation of his hopes and dreams and Her. the nightmares he have about said flower withering up is on par with nightmares of literally seeing Himself in his past life die. on par with the heartache and agony of seeing Her only in his dreams. he obsessively checks up on it to make sure it’s okay. when he checks his wounds and thinks about how healing is eating up his life, he gets desperate thinking about how much time he has left to find Her. he genuinely stresses out over the fact that he is dying. not because he cares about himself but because he cares about Someone Else. such moments of weakness only last for a sliver of time because again, ruminating will kill him for real, but the fact they happen at all … i enjoy this prospect. because he is ultimately more human than he sees himself to be.
i just love how kanda is so painfully defined by love. everything he does is in the name of love. even bullying
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ziracona · 1 year
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Ok but it’s /really/ funny The Devil in Me setup is a law agent becoming a serial killer because ‘Serial Killers are So Important and Remembered and Special and No One cares about Doing Right or Saving Lives. Serial Killers surpass Humanity’ - and then the whole game is about how cringe fail and unfulfilling that is, and love and improving yourself and others and being there for them is the only thing that holds true meaning, to the point that to adhere to their ‘the people mattered, the love mattered, the self-important murders never have’ they never even show you the killer’s real face once, and Death rips him out of a record even though that angers his boss, but like half the players are
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0rionz-belt · 9 months
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I don’t know how to explain that I’m not me in a way anyone can fully comprehend. I’m so tired.
#vent#I can’t just keep saying all of this stuff again. but I’m going to.#I look back on my life and it feels like I’m remembering scenes from my favorite movie.#or better yet. you know how if you tell someone something enough they eventually believe it? like in criminal justice shit?#I look back. and it feels like that wasn’t me. but they’re my memories. somehow.#this is the same body. same brain. same voice.#but I can’t remember more than an audience would. I’ll never know what I was thinking. how my brain worked.#and I can’t help but wonder if I’m still seeing my life like that. if I’m exaggerating everything.#if I’m exaggerating how amazing I really was.#I spend every day of my fucking life mourning over what I perceived myself to be.#because back then? back then I was building the skills needed to be a person in this world.#everything feels fucking broken with me. I’m in so much anguish.#I miss being a person more than anything.#I feel so horrible. not just for everything I’ve done but for everyone I’ve met. for my friends.#I feel like I’ve let everyone down. No one understands just how true that actually is.#If you could see the life I lost you would think I let you down too. I guarantee it.#this is the worst death one can have. Everyone loses the you they know. But you still have a body and brain that has to face the aftermath.#I’ve been in agony for so long. so much of me is dead. I just pray that the rest of me goes painlessly.#cant believe I wrote this shit listening to a song from the god damn doll movie
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pepprs · 2 years
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saying no to things is so hard. literally writing two impossible saying-no-to-things text messages rn and it’s like being flayed alive
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allmpa · 1 year
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Remus would read fanfics all the time, Reg would read and write fics but only for one particular fandom, Peter has never read fanfic but he writes one shots all the time, Sirius never reads anything but if he does it’s a fic that Remus recommends and James doesn’t know what fanfiction is.
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hugepenishaver · 1 year
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writing bass lines is hard
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victimized-martyr · 2 years
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HOLY SHIT YOUR TAGS ON "i really wanttt to read more fics" GOT ME WHEEZING 😭😭😭 randy and bts is definitely a plot id expect from south park
aw thanks lol. I guess it’s cause all my closest friends are REALLY into k-pop/ korean culture, so it’s been at the forefront of my mind as of late.
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fortune-maiden · 1 year
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Eternally torn between Quirin’s note revealing bits about his past and the DK or cryptically begging Varian to forget about the rocks and take care of himself and be safe
#don't mind me having a moment#spinning an idea in my head and the note ultimately has little impact on it#but I’m still really curious#because both options just feel so right#before the amber incident it really looked like Quirin wanted to come clean about some things about his past#since he had dug out his old chest and all#but Quirin also wrote the note under what could very well have been his final moments#in his final moments I can’t imagine him thinking of anything but what would happen to Varian without him#so the note could very well have said things like don’t pursue the rocks. reach out to the neighbors. I love you. I’m proud of you#honestly as bitter as I am about it because it’s such a tease i don’t mind that the note burned up in season 3#from a narrative perspective there wasn’t really anything the note could tell the audience that wasn’t shown in S2#from a characterization perspective there is a lot they could have done with it though#as far as quirin knows he blinked and he was out#if the note was about Varian taking care of himself it doesn’t matter anymore because Quirin is back#he can say the things he thought he’d never be able to#if the note had lore information that Quirin just gave himself an out on divulging information he was sworn to secrecy on#would have been fun if quirin met edmund later and got a plot dump and some kind of release from his oath#(so what he divulged going forward would be entirely up to him without any conflicting loyalties)#anyway these are a lot of thoughts over a fic idea I may or may not write and a detail in that idea that really does not matter much#the tldr is narratively I think it’s fine that the note burned up but there were still fun things that could have been done with it#tangled the series#tts quirin
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bo0zey · 2 years
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me, afraid to develop a benzo addiction so doesn’t take any of my prescribed clonazepam for >1yr : eek!!😨😰no thx!!😓😓
me, 1 year of worsening escapist behavior + 6.5mg klonopin later: now THIS is the shit im talkin bout😎😎🤤🤤
#IM NOT CONDONING DRUG ABUSE PLSSS TAKE UR PRESCRIPTIONS AS PRESCRIBED!!#benzodiazepines are only rlly addictive if the person starts abusing them. not if ur taking them as prescribed#also i can’t just keep doing this on the regular degular ok this was a blip in the simulation#i just had an awful spiraling start to my day at 6am and just wanted to sleep away the pain of realizing i’ll never have my mom again#everything i wanted someone to feel abt me everything i wanted them to say that they love me that they’re proud that they’re going to miss#i was so desperate to be comforted i even left my room and went up to my dad before he left for work and he didn’t even notice the tears#then the waterworks started and my dad finally hugged me against his chest#i felt so small like a child 22 year old me jsut wanted to be comforted by her dad like#like a child all over again#but ik i had to get it together i couldn’t be a child forever so i let go#i went back to my room n i couldn’t qualm the sobbing abandoned child within i couldn’t give her her mom back#all i could do to make this anxiety this pain this desire to see her again right now now now.#all i could do was take my anxiolytic and hope it put me to sleep. just for a little while#i only wanted to sleep for just a little while until the storm passed and i woke up n forgot what it feels like to miss my momma#she wrote her last letter to me and i spiraled at her words#‘i’m really going to miss YOU’ as i tell myself over and over i don’t rlly miss her i’m numb to her absence#‘ our coffee dates. car rides. shopping’ i don’t remember any of those things not clearly at least#’sitting in the couch together holding your hand while running my fingers through all that hair of yours’#that’s all i want . someone to run their fingers through my hair. but she’s not here anymore no one wants to love me like she did#‘you know your self worth like i taught you when you were just an itty bitty little baby’#how would she feel now if she knew my self worth was 0 it’s nothing i’m worthless i’m alive to be used n abused i’m not worth anythin#not worth anything good#i always thought she was my best friend. in her letter she said i was her best friend .i always thought my feelings were one sided. but no#she said she’d look at me and it was like looking into a mirror#now when i look into a mirror i don’t recognize the reflection they’re a stranger to me#was she my mirror too??? and now that she’s gone i don’t know who i am anymore????#if she’s gone i might as well be gone too#these awful thoughts needed to stop i needed to sleep so i took 12x the amt im supposed to#it’s not gonna happen again. but i won’t lie it was nice while it lasted#ramblings
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