#i cant even imagine what it's like being as in the spotlight as you are

[reikunrei]

bro just for shits i was like lemme check out this stranger con thing i saw noah tweet out bc it’s like a 45 minute drive from my house maybe it’ll be a fun weekend excursion. and that shit is so expensive. oh my god. like i get that these fuckers are like Big Celebs but oh my god. $100 for an autograph?? ON TOP of the general admission fee??? bye omg

[chrissdollie]

rapper!chris x singer!reader hcs

a/n: lowkey a collab with @bambi-slxt bc of all the headcanons she sent me LMAOO thank u sweets!! <3

SFW

chri$ is definitely one of the more "soft" rappers. everyone knows that hes a lovesick puppy for you. he doesnt have ONE line including the words "my bitch". instead he replaces them with "my girl" OR "my wife" :((

i think he would 100% make an album fully dedicated to you. kinda like tyler the creator's "call me if you get lost" in a way. for example, in the song "HEAVEN TO ME", tyler explains his dreams. chris would rap about all of the things he wants to do with you and how he sees you in his life forever

he has many features on peace on the beach with my peach since its partially about your guys' sweet relationship! theres moments in the record where there are beautiful beats paired with your heavenly vocals and cute voice cracks while chri$ is dropping barssss (ill make a post ab lyrics i think he'd add)

sososososo supportive of your creative journey. he was with you as you wrote and planned out your extremely personal debut. he even helped out at the studio :c

but then you started adventuring some time after your 2nd-3rd album. you started experimenting with different genres/styles. you created storylines and visuals along with your music.

out of the two of you, chri$ is definitely more famous. anyhow, he got invited to the met gala and had u has his plus one obviously, where you both looked drop dead gorgeous!! i literally cannot see him wearing a basic ass suit and tie to the met. he has to be on your level and match your uniqueness which make you two stand out so much!

when you both got up the steps, he was being interviewed by emma chamberlin, who was also a fan of his. she asked about the creative process of his newly released album and he totallyy put you in the spotlight, saying "yn helped me a lott honestly. she's... literally a genius." he grins, turning to you while keeping his hand on your waist.

you guys like toying with the paparazzi when they're bothering you. you goofballs make silly faces right in the cameras so they back off

one time when you were being interviewed, your sweet boy wrapped his arms around your waist as he listened to you talk. you were a little nervous and stuttered a bit, but chris consoled you by rubbing small circles into your waist and whispering a gentle "it's okay baby" to your ear.

you fangirl on stage when you catch your boyfriend's eyes in the front row. sometimes you entirely stop what you're singing just to giggle and squeal "hiiii honey!!" while twirling your hair like a little girl. the audience cheers with screams when they realize chris is with them in the crowd-- but feels like its only you two in the stadium when he blows you a kiss (some corny shit he never thought he'd do) and mouth the words "i love you".

for the holidays, u two visit homeless shelters and childrens hospitals and perform for everybody <3

imagine just hanging out at the studio with him and your guys' friends. he's manspreading on a leather couch while massaging your feet resting in his lap as you write lyrics in your lap, your friends helping you out as you do.

you knew that somewhere down the line there was going to be some kind of beef. a popular rapper decided to call out chris for something he did years ago as a literal child. you both ignore it until he sends out a tweet about you. something around, "nd his bitch bad asf id hit fs but she a fuckin weirdass childish mf"

you ignore the fact he called u a "weirdass childish mf", you cant care less, many people dont vibe with ur ideas and thats okay!

u do however care about how his girlfriend would react to seeing him wanting to fuck you. and you'd met her before too, she was a little snobbish, but respectful nonetheless. you joked to your boyfriend about dropping your own diss track on him, but he actually seem intrigued. you shut it down almost immediately though, you didn't wanna make something small such a big deal

but at the next big event you guys went to, you found the rapper's girlfriend and showed her his tweet. she thanked you with a furious scowl on her face before she ran off and slapped the shit out of him in front of everybody

chris gets a custom made $5k chain that has ur name and little details that remind him of u around it :((

NSFW

speaking of that chain, he wears it whenever he pounds into you so you'll be reminded of how he's yours.

chris loves ur vocals so much on stage! he finds them beautiful, but he loves them even more in bed.

"cmon mama lemme hear that pretty voice"

in fact, you two created a song just to have playing in the background while you two get intimate

chris audio recorded him eating u out once and you saying, "oh, fuck chris, it's so good!" and he decided to use that as an adlib in his favorite songs OR disses he wrote about someone being a jerk to u

watching chris perform did things to you. seeing him sweat, brushing his gorgeous hair out of his face, putting in so much energy into his performance... it's intoxicating! sometimes you wish he'd just drop the mic, pull you onstage, and make love to you infront of the world.

he talks about marrying you while he's balls deep inside of your wet cunt :( saying how he wants to drop a humongous bag on your ring, give you the wedding of your dreams, and how he desperately wants to hear "missus sturniolo" from others' mouths

chris will totally pop up behind stage after a show and guide you to your dressing room not so subtly. you apologize to your manager before rushing to your private room like a giddy teenager. "wanna see her sweetheart, she wet for me righ' now? oh, there she is.." he coos as he bends down to his knees right in front of your pussy when you pull down your pretty pink stage costume.

@leah-loves-lilies @1everythingmustgo @star-sturn @junnniiieee07 @mattsneezing @freshloveee@freshsturns@emma4eva @r6diosturns @matthasmywholeheart @donthugmeimhot @blahbel668 @chrissturnsss @joanofarcily @mattscoquette @slutsturn @sturnioloremarker @ashley9282828 @jnkvivi @sturncakez @lanasturn @riasturns @st7rnioioss @strnlxlqve @starlace111 @mattsfavbigtitties @stvrlighht

[stardustedseas]

because of an ask @sleeplessdreamer14 sent in i now cant stop thinking about marrying ford after college, like that year between when you two graduate has to be the most agonizing months ever. youre so close to being able to marry him but it feels so so far

he would be very adamant that he isnt gonna marry you until after you BOTH graduate, no matter how much you beg and plead. not only would it be a hindrance on getting your education but also he just,,,, feels like you would still be too young for him to marry, and say it with me folks, even if youre only a year apart in age. plus youre both so young, he doesnt want you to end up regretting it later on :(

still, he saves and saves and saves to buy you a ring, the most gorgeous ring he can find. its not like 10k dollars nor does it have a diamond the size of your fist, its fairly simple so you can still wear it without it getting in the way of doing anything, but its very nice and beautiful. he probs took so long picking it out, he looked at every single jewlery store within 100 miles, it has to be perfect after all!! its for you, the love of his life, his soulmate, the one he cant picture his life without. he knows you dont care about such things, he could give you a bread bag twist tie and you would still love it, but he really wants to get you something nice.

when he finally finds the one, he struggles to not break and ask you right away. he cant wait to see the pretty metal on your finger, showing to the world that you are his and he is yours. he keeps it hidden away in the back of his closet, far from where you could accidentally find it, he still gets nervous you will stumble upon it tho. he also checks on the ring like every other day, what if something happend? what if something fell and crushed it or there was a leak and it rusted or it was stolen or- he worries about it daily.

he will get lost in thought imagining asking you, your reaction, your wedding, your honeymoon... he could spend hours day dreaming. he would make sure his tie matches your dress/suit/your own tie, and even though the wedding would be small, just your family and a few friends, and simple since you two are still just young adults who have just graduated, it would still be the best wedding a person could ask for

gnawing my arm off at imagining he had a whole thing planned out to propose to you, something super romantic and well thought out but when he sees you up on that stage accepting your degree? and how you seem to shine even brighter under the spotlights? he cant help but blurt out 'will you marry me?' the second you and him meet up after your graduation ceremony.

you say yes ofc

[frigidwife]

i would like to ask ur opinion on this bc u are one of maybe 5-6 iwtv blogs that i trust and i don't know if i am simply biased but i think u are very thoughtful and fair in ur analysis of iwtv. because even among self-proclaimed louis lovers/understanders, i have seen the idea that louis "could not and would not" save claudia from the fire, or choose her over armand, or that louis was also abusive to claudia if not the Most abusive, or that he "let" lestat/armand destroy her. and i agree that louis failed claudia in some ways (though saying that feels much too vague at this point) and that liking characters doesn't mean apologizing for their flaws and i understand the reflex to spotlight claudia's mistreatment as many fans are so quick to dismiss her importance. but i think people get so caught up in emphasizing claudia's tragedy that they end up falling into victim-blaming rhetoric and ironically de-legitimizing really important aspects of her character and impact. so i wanted to ask though, how do you think louis actually did fail claudia? and should we call claudia's death louis' failure?

ty for valuing my opinion 🥹 i agree w you completely people emphasize claudia's tragedy at total expense of her personality...which sucks bc i love her personality...i think louis actually primarily failed claudia in the exact way that every single parent fails their child. if you've read frankenstein it's about the inherent monstrosity of creation--inherent hubris of creating something whether it's a creature, a work of art (the novel itself!), or a child (shelley's miscarriages and her relationship with her parents haunt the novel). you create something that is a part of you and a mirror of you, you confer your expectations as naturally as breathing, even with the best of intentions, but now the creature/novel/child exists outside of you, outside of your body and your imagination, autonomous, with desires and effects you couldn't have dreamt of, and there is something terrifying and painful in that chasm even in the best of conditions. and this is more broadly true of loving anyone. and in that sense i don't think louis's turning of claudia is really more selfish than having a child ever is. it's not an aberrant or evil desire. so that's one layer.

and then the next layer is the conditions. louis cannot stop seeing claudia as his daughter, even if he calls her sister. she'll always be his daughter. and again this is an almost fundamental condition of being a parent. even if ur parents make an effort--and louis is making an effort--to see you as equals, that foundation is underlying it and can't come undone. the problem is that normally, even if maybe you're always a baby to your mom deep down, you're also functionally an adult in the real world. but claudia is an adult who is constantly belittled and condescended to and treated as a child from all corners. so she goes from louis who can't see her as her own person because he cant stop being her parent to an outside world that can't see her as her own person bc it's structured to deny children's autonomy, and girls' in particular, and especially black girls'. AND THEN the abuse. “you chose lestat over her again and again” i think people take daniel as word of god a lot even when the show has demonstrated that daniel is less than careful talking and thinking about abuse, when it comes to both louis and claudia. Louis chooses to take lestat back, can’t kill him for good, chooses to commit to armand, tells her to put up with the coven’s abuse. those are choices that hurt claudia terribly. but they also exist in the context of abuse. over two decades of debilitating destroying violence and then a new man who tracks him down and dangles his and claudia’s life over him as penalty from the jump. louis is constantly calculating risk based on what they’ve experienced and the same way claudia’s trauma drives her into the waiting arms of a cult, louis’s means he sees enduring as his strongest means of survival . and even from before that from keeping his family afloat under jim crow —performance, self sacrifice at the expense of closeness with grace and paul; using “weakness to rise”. so when louis tells claudia to endure its bc he cannot imagine a way out. which is a failure sure and something claudia can and does resent him deeply for but is entirely and categorically different from what lestat and armand inflict on her . his “choosing armand” is never really about him liking armand particularly it’s him deciding he knows what’s best for both of them—again seeing claudia as his child—to the extent that he won’t even tell her about armand knowing their secret.

this isn’t selfless it’s foolish it’s prideful but the story very clearly is not Louis picking a man over his daughter. (claudia calls out what he wants in a companion in 2.01—“if he can’t call you pretty and take you ballroom dancing” Armand won’t even light his cigarette). i think people have constructed this narrative which funnily enough is the exact same one armand uses to gaslight louis with in 2.05 ("you threw around her name for cover, but you always went back to talking about him" or something like that). Which is really obviously a victim blaming narrative lol like the amount of joke posts that r essentially saying Maybe if louis wasn’t so cock hungry his daughter wouldn’t be dead. Okay?? i think its absolutely fucking insane to call her death louis's particular failure when she was lynched. by armand

and you can tell by episode 6 claudia has realized louis isn’t picking armand over her. her frustration with him is with this martyrdom that she never asked for or wanted, that clearly isn’t “you and me” either. Like you cannot tell me she believes “imagine me without the burden of her” means louis is happy and relieved to see her go Bc she’s not stupid and she’s seen him happy before. If she really thought he meant something like that she wouldn’t behave towards him as she does in the rest of ep 6 and doing the trial. completely ignoring her personality

there is also a hopefully really small subset of people who think pointing out how patriarchy works Is gender essentialism who posit louis as the primary perpetrator of misogynoir in order to justify their fundamental queer human right to call lestat femme . and then expect pats on the back for acknowledging #intersectionality . which is. absurd.

[savannahsdeath]

okok but like reader being tommy and maria's daughter, Joels niece, Ellie's gf, you cant tell me that wouldn't just make her the town princess <33

ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

mdni please<3

warnings: 18+!! but i think its minors safe this time!!; reader crying

writers note: its short and just two of my thoughts but still decided to post it🤗 ALWAYS when i make sum scenarios in my head i imagine im tommys and marias daughter cus !! its like so abziabshh being joels niece too ??? omg.

as tommy's and maria's daughter, the risk of you getting hurt was always lower than other residents'. being a favored princess, only doing little jobs somewhere in the town, you were living a dream of most girls your age. you didn't have to patrol, to risk your life, to be used to hold a gun like it's nothing. and you could shoot - joel teached you, just in case. but you pointed your weapon at a living target only a few times. your life was just.. calm.

there's no reason to complain, right?

right??

you hated it. you wanted nothing more than to go outside and be a hero, find supplies and kill those monsters.

you felt useless, sitting in jackson and doing only paperwork or gardening. you didn't care it was important too. you wanted to be a soldier with a holster swinging down your hip, maybe a switchblade with a cool design in your pocket. after a long day in work you'd meet up with your friends, share your memories and tips. maybe even trade some cards you found while scavenging.

you spent so much time complaining and begging your parents for a chance to go outside and face the dangers of the world. but you were always met with the same answer - that you were too precious to risk, too valuable to put in danger.

you never understood why they didn't see you the same way they saw ellie. you felt that you were capable of just as much as she was, if not more. but it was always her who got the spotlight, while you were left to your own devices, growing bitter and resentful.

one day, not just a typical day but your birthday, you found your family - tommy, maria, joel and ellie - waiting for you in the living room. you hated the awkward 'my little girl is becoming a lady!' things, but you put on the best fake smile you could. it turned to a real smile pretty fast, just as you heard about your gift.

"we'll allow you to patrol." maria smiled, before quickly shaking her head. "only with ellie, though!"

at first you stood in silence. you felt like both tommy and joel wanted you to go outside for a long time before. being locked up in a safety zone wasn't doing any good for you. if something was going to happen to jackson, you'll be left clueless in the cruel, unknown world. but how did they convince your protective mother, maria?

ellie smirked at your reaction and leaned against a wall. "you have to listen to me, too."

you knew she'll act all cocky and demanding, but it didn't ruin your happiness. in fact, you were glad to be paired with her.

and so you became one of the tough, badass survivors you wanted to. but you were still an innocent princess in their eyes.

so they couldn't stand seeing you hurt.

as soon as maria caught you sobbing onto your pillow the other day, everyone was there in a second. you were sitting in your bed, in your mother's arms. ellie placed herself next to you, caressing your hand and rubbing reassuring circles on your thigh. joel was pacing around the room, trying to not point his gun at anyone who made you feel this way, while tommy wether kneeled in front of you or joined your uncle in lame attempt to calm themselves down.

"what the fuck happened?" your dad leaned against a nearby wall.

ellie rolled her eyes, thinking his aggressiveness is useless. "it's about jane."

jane was a girl your age, freshly welcomed to jackson. she didn't know much about it so she was the first one to judge. and well... let's say she didn't like how popular you are.

joel frowned and repeated quiet; "jane?" as if to make sure he heard it correctly.

you sniffled and wiped your tears on your sleeve, feeling the overwhelming attention of everyone in the room.

"well, jane's got some real issues if you ask me." joel growled, his voice quiet and dangerous.

"indeed." tommy nodded, his mind already brewing up a plan. "we should send her packing before things escalate."

"no, we can't do that." maria frowned, thinking hard of a solution to the problem. "don't forget she's here because she saved ellie."

to that, your girlfriend quickly let you go and stood up. "saved me?!" she threw her hands in the air in frustration. "she killed one infected that was after me, i'd handle it myself just as easily!"

your mom held her hands out in an attempt to calm ellie, but the girl was too angry and frustrated to see a reason to.

"hey, hey!" maria chided her. "it's not worth arguing. let's just settle this and move on."

ellie gritted her teeth as she took a deep breath, trying to collect herself. "fine." she said through clenched teeth. "but she better not pull anything again, or i swear i'm gonna-"

"ellie!" tommy shouted, cutting her off mid-sentence.

"no, ellie's right." joel said in a stern, serious tone. "jane's no hero and we can't let her sabotage our community. she won't stop after a pathetic little warning."

your parents froze for a moment, the words finally hitting them.

"joel," maria finally started, her tone serious and concerned. "we can't just kick someone out like that. that's not how we handle things here."

"well, how do we handle them then?" joel shot back. "because letting someone like jane stay is gonna be a threat to our safety."

after a short moment of silence, maria finally spoke up again. "i get where you're coming from," she nodded and repeated; "but this is not the way we do things."

your uncle just huffed in frustration, his arms crossed. "fine." he murmured quietly. "have it your way."

ellie, on the other hand, was quietly seething. she wanted to go up to jane and knock some sense into her head, but she bit her tongue and kept quiet.

as maria left the room, ellie's rage came spilling out. "she's trouble!" she hissed, pacing back and forth. "she just needs someone to put her in her place. can i-"

"no." your dad cut you off, his voice firm. "maria said no. we're not doing this."

ellie bit her lip in frustration as she looked back and forth between him and you, torn between wanting to listen and wanting to see jane struggle, like you do now. eventually, she took your mom's place in comforing you.

with joel out of the picture, you and ellie shared a deep glance. the shared anger and frustration in your eyes was something only you two understood. it felt like you communicated telepathically. without saying a word, she wrapped her arms around you. this sort of closeness was something you rarely shared in front of others, but in this moment it just felt right. you two were bonded by the same negative feelings, and in that moment you were both on the same wavelength.

maria came back to see you, face buried in ellie's chest, as she made some shushing noises into your ear. she shared a concerned look with tommy and joel, which agreed to leave you both alone for now. your mom felt satisfied by the fact ellie decided to let jane be.

just a few days later you were able to come out without worrying about bumping into her, because even when you did, she'd apologize and quickly walk away. you never asked anyone what happened, no one told you anything too. jane wasn't the type of a person to get offended by words, so whatever happened, it must really affect her..

[lokorum]

Pls rant about non romance cole…he’s my favorite character in anything, ever and it feels so sad that we never got to have a deeper relationship w him. Like the mechanics/possible lore of having a romance with a spirit are so tantalizingly interesting but no…also doubting we will see him in veil guard which leaves me so so broken …

*looks at their pile of unpacked feelings about cole*

so ૮( ◡̀_◡́)ა where to start....................

first of all uh! im not good at talking! that's why i draw phphp but i'll try my best to resurrect my memories from 2014 and share it with you!! sorry if it will sound weird, english is not my native language! 

well WELL from the begining then. i remember spending hours  more like days hhhh thinking about how weird and cool the recruiting scene with cole is? later when he is already with the inquisition, our party is either on guard around him or kinda treats him like he is helpless and needs special attention or guidance or something like that? demonising someone like him or framing them as in need of help are like textbook behavior ofc and im not here to be a hater, i just noticed it? moments with solas and varric fighting over him like a divorced couple are super cute for sure!!

but i remember being confused because excuse me, out of all of them, this guy??, this feral bat that is chilling on the ceiling like it's a lounge-zone inside Lucius' head, created especially for him?

he is confident. also a little bit nervous, a bunch mysterious and just ghostly cool. but also confident. (im not saying this confidence is not misplaced sometimes btw x) he even tells you that if you'll leave your head you'll die! what a jokester (҂ ꒦ິヮ꒦ິ)

and the whole quest with templars and envy are soooo horror coded, i love it!! it looked a bit silly, sure

(even after so many years im not able to get rid of the image in my brain phphphp) 

but it's still a very interesting quest!! dorian is ✨the bestie✨ but i'm always picking templars bc the implications of the story are just so good

1. its placed at the beginning of the game and your character is probably confused and anxious and dont yet worked out the routine of how to deal with their new title\powers + not every inquisitor character would want to be in the spotlight.

imagine you suddenly got yourself into position where a lot of people looking up to you, listening to what you saying, placing their hopes on you or waiting for you to fail? this is terrible! id 1000% just jumped out of a cliff!!! a small one, but still 

2. you meeting the guy who basically came from a place you now have unlimited access to.

he is: a) almost as confused as you are b) possibly came to this world without knowing consequences of that decision c) along the way he is figuring out how to be himself in the environment that is nothing like where he used to live. wow thats just like forced immigration *nervous laugh*

3. and let's not forget that you are meeting him inside your head and you can say to him "you look familiar".

dont know about you but apparently i dont need much to start screaming ¯(ツ)/¯

also can i just spend the moment to say that this is three (3) identical dialogue options??????????

the screenshot is from here btw

how awesome would it be to be able to figure out stuff together? to find comfort in someone, with someone who barely experienced it this way? to build on your strong sides? like "hope" for cole and i guess "unhingedness" for the inquisitor? i bet they would ground each other easily as well: cole distracting inq by being unintentionally mischievous and inq would have a notepad with cole's "firsts ____" or they would just read together. oh im such a sucker for hurt\comfort\some things cant be healed stuff uaaaaaaaaa

ALSO THE "FORGET" THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the drama the horror the tension!!!!!!!! you can fight me over this but heres the thought:

cole being so stressed that he is erasing\being on the edge of erasing the inquisitor's memories??????

i got the feeling that cole's confidence in the concept of "help" is, among other things, makes him being able to zoom in on something borderline obsessively? or vise versa - dismissively, not noticing "it hurts, its not for the better"? he thanks you when you promise to kill him, he cries when you do not. i swear this man (─ ‿ ─)

+quick addition bc im not entirely sure: so if i got it right, the anchor makes the inquisitor "too bright" to read? so among all the people we know about inq is the one that cole can't truly empathise on this lvl? on spiritual lvl you might say lsdkjflksdjflkj sorry!!!!! but jokes aside,this is like the perfect ground to build both comforting stories 

"someone from the party notices that cole is hanging near inq before inq do, and when asked he explains it by saying something like "dry warm skin. the air is stilled with quiet, easy to breathe. i followed the shining whispers and then i was followed no more" with the most plain face possible? "

and "today for lunch i have glass" kind of stories, like "the inquisitor is cornered and possibly bleeding and probably on the verge of passing out and they know that situation is bad and no one should follow/find them, "it's better to wait it out and deal with it on my own" kind of clown behavior. so they laugh tiredly at how pathetic they are, maybe remembering something similar from their childhood, remarks from their sibling for ex., and just trying their best to not think about how they need cole's help, cole's presence. the sense of safety that comes when he is around" 

uh!!! that wasnt neither quick or painless so i'll go make a tea wait a second please

im back!! so since i talked about the forget thing i must confess - i dont really like cole's personal quest???? again, im not complaining or anything but i remember feeling kinda empty while playing it? like deep inside me, there was something sad, but it was so far away,i coudn't even feel it properly?

both human and spirit versions of his ending made me feel like the distance between you and him lengthened, and maybe you could do something about it before but now? this "something" is missing and you're lost and can't even tell for sure if theres was a chance to do something in the first place? and cole just moved on? its super logical considering he is not a romance option but phphph so, i rarely romance someone in games, partly bc rpg tends to be a little horny and im that kind of ace who is not interested in this, partly bc i tend to pay attention to non-romanceable characters, so when i started to explore last da:i dlc and i saw cole having gf i was like "well ouch".

imagine your inq has a crush on cole but they never were able to say it clearly?

mb it was a melancholic slowburn, and your character was going through too much and felt like burdening cole with their problems would be unfair?

maybe they tried but the timing was wrong, the words felt stupid, and their hands felt too dirty, too guilty?

oh anon its been ten years and its still huuuuuurts!!!! if you following me for a while you know that im an edge lord in poor disguise so its not surprising for neither you or me that i ended up rumbling about inexplicable sadness and crushing existential guilt, but sorry for that anyway!! if anyone would want me to talk about something specific, or to draw something - im here, staring at the wall, listening to cole's banter :') thank you for the wonderful question tho, it was more than just nice to return back to this ship. im so agreeing with you about cole being the fave character from everything, but i also understand that this could mean being very unsatisfied with the way he was portrayed at some points or just with the fact that characters like him are rare so im sending you warm and tight hugs and a little sketch!! <3 

let's collectively accept the fact that dav gonna be a beautiful mess, we gonna love it (passionately), we gonna be hurt by it (not surprisingly) and COLE FOREVER WILL BE THE BEST DA CHARACTER EVER IM NOT GONNA CHANGE MY MIND FIGHT ME

[kaya-p]

OH MY OH MY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

CAN I ASK FOR A STORY WHERE THE READER AND JIMMY ARE IN A SECRET RELATIONSHIP??? LIKE??? IMAGINE HOW CHEEKY HE'S BE MAYBE THE READER IS FAMOUS OR SOMETHING AND THEY WANT TO KEEP IT OFF THE INTERNET?? LIKE IMAGINEEE I'm melting I'm on my knees wow

pink sweetheart ˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

epistle: MERRY CHRISTMAS ANON !! HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS ? <33 OF COURSE I WILL WRITE THIS , AHHH I AM INLOVVVEE WITH THIS IDEA 🥹 CANT WAIT TO PUBLISH MORE JIMMY KEENE FAN FICS <333 sorry for the rushed ending , my brain literally gotten insanely excited for this , my brain couldnt keep up with the ideas for this request . idk if any other writers have them moments LMFAOOOOO .

⊹₊⋆ 🩷 🫧 ⋆｡˚

ever since jimmy was known for his multi-millionaire smile , jacked ass body & being a deadily weaponized womanizer , hes always had an eye on you ... being in spotlight , turning peoples bodies any time you walked in their presence , how you looked , how your hands feels in his , how you looked absolutely flawless while on the red carpet , the list continues to grow ...

as both of you guys were hollywoods hotspots , everyone WANTED you guys to be an item since your debut role from being in mr & mrs smith with brad pitt . but secretly you and jimmy have always been an item , whenever you had red carpets , award shows , interviews or pr meetings , jimmy has alway acted cheeky with you when he was off screen when you was getting interviewed or being blasted from the paparazzi from you winning another dozen of awards from your amazing roles from past or new !!

anytime you were interviewed , of course you was constantly asked with the same old question : " are you and jimmy an item ? " , " whats is going on between you and jimmy behind closed doors ? " , ect . the questions never came to a stop , but you always came up with the same answer ... " no comment , dickheads tf ? " and jimmy loved how cocky and confident youve became ever since you both started to date each other <<3

thats what he absolutely love and adore you for : he saw how confident youve grown to be whenever you was with him , he loved being protective of you , always standing straight and tall on the red carpet , being the best verison of yourself , taking care of yourself and clearly caring for others too , how you always rambles to him how badly you wanted to start a family with him and he will just instantly melt into your arms whenever you talked about the sweet moments late at night on nights when you both couldnt fall alseep .

he wasnt possesive of you he just didnt want your guys' relationship to be publicly known to the entire world for your guys' dignity , privacy & safety <33 he love having you all to himself , not having to worry with anyone else ruining this perfect life you both have together !!!

but on his side of being hollywoods fave , he alway knew to discard the rude and unesscessary comments whenever the paps or the public said anything rude about you or your guys relationship . every now & then , the paps or public RARELY caught jimmy staring at you longingly when ever your picture was being taken or you being interviewed and he just couldnt stop looking at you , non-stop . that man needs to be calmed down tbh 😭 not even his family knew about you two being together because he knows that his mum or dad wouldnt keep your guys' relationship quiet , bless them lol .

the majority of people that starting speculating your guys' relationship he always knew to diffuse them speculations , he is such a sweetheart & an absolute sucker for you & will literally do anything for you ... 💐

🫧🎀

[ravenkinnie]

what r ur thoughts about mel in general

mel is so mother, not in a bland girlboss way that people assign female characters they don't actually care about but don't want to be sexist but in a way that I imagine she could inflict emotional violence on me I would think about for decades and also in a gay way because she serves ultimate cunt. I don't like the two ends of the spectrum she gets though, it's either people thinking she is only an evil capitalist manipulator (she is a capitalist but let's not talk about arcanes class worldbuilding issues again lmao) or that she only ever had pure intentions - she did manipulate jayce, she absolutely did work her charm and found cracks in him she could dig her fingers in to make him work the way she wanted and THEN realised she genuinely cares for him. and I love that, I love that she likes a man who is stupider than her and then gets charmed by how earnest he is in his dumbassery

mels issue is fandom is that she's a black woman and people are racist djdjdjkdk and she's attached to a storyline and a man that is largely taken over in fandom landscape by a slash ship so she's always gonna lose, the fact that meljay is a rareship slays me dhsjjs and also her storyline starts kind of late in the season, like it doesn't really kick off until ambessa shows up and by then you have viktor committing unethical experiments and dying and the whole zaun storyline unfolding and everything surrounding jinx-silco-vi triangle is just so enrapturing in its insanity mel stood no chance

but ngl her storyline with ambessa has me gagged, I like gasped when ambessa went BECAUSE YOU WEAKENED ME like the way mel this whole time thought she just didn't live up to ambessas standard and then the realisation that ambessa felt like mel was putting her up to a standard she couldn't live up to and didn't want to accept and that the values she thought she couldn't embody that ambessa did are the reason she was exiled aaaaaaaaa. I hope they get more spotlight next season and noxus becomes more relevant because you see a set number of ways mother daughter relationships are portrayed in media and its rare that there's this sort of violence and strong mindedness present in them the way it often is in father son relationships. I love that mels arc is her rejecting her motherland and their values and building something for herself (like her taking off her family ring and voting for jayces peace treaty even tho the treaty was fucking stupid... jayce is real for that dumb idea just so we could get mels cunt moment and silcos mother coded sophies choice arc)

also there's mels brother who we don't know much about, we know that he was important to mel because duh he's her brother but also she looked up to him in some way. but because arcane moves so fast with its plot she doesn't even get a moment to grieve him

I don't write mel fics a lot tho, just because mel is somewhat smarter than me and that becomes an issue when she has to be written by me, a dumbass. and i cant combat that unlike with another character like with silco who is somewhat smarter than me but he is also extremely delusional and I can balance these out to make it work. acc maybe I need to figure out how to make her more delusional

anyways while I'm here here are mel fic recs: family study this mel/silco fic is one of my favorite arcane fics ever caitmel from linka my fellow Caitlyn Fucks warrior elora/mel that eats character study through being gagged over mels hair insane

[dragon-queen21]

HI ! back again, im sorry for the lack of closure of my last ramble, i was going through it and just couldnt write anymore (im fine now!) i apologize for that and all the typos. i didnt get to re-read it before i submitted it.

-Im actually half hispanic too! twins! but your right, i can definitely see ace being pretty good at spanish, and luffy knowing a selective amount. luffy can hold a conversation but hes not going to start speaking it fluently out of nowhere. all his crew can speak the same language, and robin is always there if someone else doesnt speak what they are, so he definitely wouldnt have as much practice as if he were still living in the goa kingdom.

-kinda odd hc but for some reason i also feel like spanish would be his first language considering his island would be located in brazil and then he was taught english by maybe garp? or makino? (or would it be japanese? sorry i watch in dub) and shanks was the one who taught him more of eng/jp (like slang, nicknames, etc) and ge eventually just picked it up more and like you said his spanish got really rusty

-imagine that when ace luffy and sabo were kids luffy tried to teach them eng/jp. it was actually going pretty good until the 3 of them started spurting out pirate lingo when garp was around.

now fast forward imagine little luffy with ace and luffy starts trying to teach ace eng/jp and ace is pretending to learn it all again to make him happy aweeeee

-Now back on captain smoker, luffy somehow gets smoker to carry him or hold his hand (the fear of being alone is insane) and smoker is PRAYINGG his men dont find him. theyd totally tattle on him

imagine luffy getting upset because they cant find his crew and smoker is trying his boy scouts best to calm him down. smoker is sweating BULLETS on the hunt for these strawhats (all of a sudden when he needs them theyre not causing a rucus) (smoker ends up getting luffy like candy or something to try and chill him out)

smoker gives luffy back to the crew and theyre all debating whether or not to tell smoker that luffys actually a baby right now (they end of giving him their gratitudes and booking it for the time being, knowing luffy, theres gonna be a next time.)

-i also wanna drop what if shanks were with luffy if he were regressed? how would that come about? maybe luffy regresses after not seein shanks for ten years and shanks is just like “this checks out” and treats him how he used to ? him and shanks’ crew all just chill with little luffy, i find that ADORABLE. (luffy and usopp regress together on the red force and yasopp gets to treat his son, like the child he left banchina with) (sorry im a believer that usopp doesn’t absolutely HATE his dad)

-babyspace luffy being babied by shanks (and the crew) because everyone in the one piece world just KNOWSSSS dragons a dead beat, and theres no way garp coddled this kid HE WOULDNT BE SEEN DEAD

wow can you believe this and my last submission was supposed to be about sanji? luffy stole the spotlight

okay this is getting way to long i fear, but thank you for continuing to read and answer my rambles, i mean when i say that it means a lot to me. and in your last-last reply to me, im happy that i can make your day. i hope these continue to do so. thank you so much🤍

and i wanna say this, dont ever feel that you need to answer my asks, i understand that i write a lot, i dont ever want to overwhelm you.

📷

Eh first of all,don’t worry about any typeos, have you seen my writing even proof reading I struggle man ;-; I’m just glad you’re feeling better <3

Second; eyyy twins!!! :D

~Mkay but I will raise you one, Luffy ‘teaching’ Ace swear words and then being like “bu’ you can’t say those cause den Sanji and Nami get angry if you says.”

“trying his boy scouts best”

<- XD I love that. Poor guy. The ONE time not a single thing is happening anywhere!

~Smoker offering to buy Luffy cotton candy when he sees a sweets stand, only has the regressor crying more, babbling something about a… Chopper??? And he’s so confused. Kids like candy. What the heck?!

~ I can imagine meeting up with Shanks and a conversation going something like this.

“Uh captain, you aren’t wondering what’s happening to Luffy or if this is like- a devil fruit affect?”

Shanks meanwhile with a toddler regressed Luffy clinging to his side

“Nah, seems normal to me”

~Usopp would definitely be shy around his father. Sticking towards Luffy and following his lead.

~Let Luffy be spoiled! He needs the love and attention that he gives others.

“Luffy stole the spotlight”

<- As he often does. You know I started a fic with Nami and Usopp and it slowly just evolved to just start focusing on Luffy. It just can’t be helped sometimes :3

I love answering these! I literally got home and was like :0 :D new message!! They don’t overwhelm me at all. As long as you’re okay with me taking a couple days to respond :3

<3<3<3

[thedarkone121]

Okay so two questions about Fallen Prince:

1.what is the personality of obsidian crow? Like form the playlist we know he is happy with his existence but what else?

2.how can the "phantom" obsidian crow can be defeated? Like he cant be transformed back to Jack becaise they are two seperate entities at this point and he has the combined magic of all four tainted coaches and probably a bit of Jack's so brute force most likely wont work. Like the only likely senerio is Jack trying to absorb him again but gain control.

For the first question: Obsidian Crow is like a messed up fusion between Jack Rose and Night Swan’s magic that was used to corrupt the coaches. He is happy with his existence the first time we see him because for Jack, he did it; he rescued his friends and stopped his mother. I even imagined during the final verse’s of Thnks Fr Th Mmrs, where Obsidian Crow appears, for him to be mocking his mother with her own dance style before Jack regains enough of himself to lock himself away. Here is where things go wrong for Jack.

Since Obsidian Crow is an unstable combination of Jack and Night Swan’s magic, he’s torn between two sides; the Jack who wants to keep his friends safe and the magic who wants to go out there and make the Dancverse his own “spotlight”. At the beginning, when the coaches find him, Jack is still able to have influence over Obsidian Crow in that he needs to STAY AWAY and remain locked in his own prison. And a lot of that comes out as him verbally attacking his friends (To Sara: “Well, maybe if someone was a little more confident in their dancing, I wouldn’t have to save you and be stuck like this!”). It gets to a point where, the more the coaches try to get him to come back, the more the Night Swan side influences him that maybe he should get out…

I should clarify that while he is technically made through Night Swan’s magic being absorbed into her son, Obsidian Crow is NOT under Night Swan’s control. The best way I could describe him is that he’s all of Jack’s worst traits — hence him blowing up at Sara — and somehow being the dancer he “thought” his mother wanted.

For question two: That is basically the outline of how I planned for them to beat Phantom Obsidian Crow. Without Jack, he is essentially just Night Swan’s influence taken from. Because he is also Jack’s worst traits, I imagine him having a whole scene of him learning to accept the worst parts of himself with the help of his friends.

Thank you so much for the questions! I hope this answers them!

[thefirstknife]

Big fan of what I read in the thingy about plans for the exotic mission rotator, most of it sounds very solid to me

However

Since the focus seems to be on making the relevant exotic weapon craftable, do you think this makes it less likely we'll get whisper of the worm or zero hour back? Outbreak seems like it wouldnt be broken as a crafted but I cant imagine Whisper as crafted, that feels like a dangerous can of worms.

And also, as it seems unlikely Ada or Black Armory will have a story spotlight again, how would you feel about Niobe Labs getting reworked into an exotic mission, dropping craftable izanagi or le monarque, craftable black armory weapons, and then maybe some of those nifty modified foundry weapons but of the post-witch queen ones.

I thought about that too, specifically the potential to get Zero Hour and Whisper back with craftable Outbreak and Whisper. I really like the idea of craftable exotics with these missions and this idea would be the only real reason to bring back Zero Hour and Whisper. But how viable are they to be craftable is beyond me. I think in some way it might help, especially for Whisper, but on the other, it could make them too powerful, in this case for Outbreak. Balancing that would be incredibly difficult.

I'd like to see those missions returning however! Even if they don't want to make these weapons craftable. I just feel like they won't really bother going through that work if nothing of value can be added. A lot of people say that they want them back, but in reality they would not have much replayability without something to chase. They also might be too frustrating at this point; the Wicked Implement exotic mission being timed was a major point of frustration for a lot of people. But I would 100% enjoy seeing them back, with or without craftable exotics. In a way, it almost makes it more likely because at first it just made no sense to return those missions when the exotics are in the kiosk, but if they're going to be changed in some way, then it makes more sense. It's just on whether or not those two are viable for such a change.

Same thoughts on Ada and Black Armory. I think they did say at one point that they're looking into returning some old weapons, specifically Black Armory and Season of Dawn stuff, but so far we've not heard anything more about it. Your idea would be really cool. Reworking Niobe's Labs into a mission and adding a craftable Black Armory exotic would be really neat. No clue how likely that is to happen though; as of now, I'm thinking not very. But now that we know this stuff with exotic missions is possible, it's a neat possibility.

[wheremysillysh1tis]

Shout out to Andrew for being the only friend I have in my head full of ppl rn.

My mind and personality has split completely in the last month after leaving an 8 year long extremely controlling abusive relationship lol. This fandom is a weird cope for me. I now have people living within my mind involuntarily. It feels cringe to have fictional characters there but I cant rly help it. I don't even have control of anybody in there. A couple times they have taken over but for the most part they kinda just chill in there. Usually they just wander about and do whatever, but sometimes they talk amongst themselves. Or to me. Or argue w me. Sometimes take control of the vessle. They arent terribly fond of the real world and hold a sort of contempt for me because I care ab my irl world so much. Like hello? SOMEONE has to keep the vessel functioning. And yes that means not just food but a job and irl hopes n dreams and friends. They're kinda pissed that I get all the spotlight but I cant exactly live like 4 separate lives out of one body. Telling people irl probably wouldnt do me any good?? But they dont rly gaf ab irl ppl anyways. It's all been very confusing.

Andrew has been the one chill dude in my head, thanks Andrew. He's kinda just looking at me typing this, which feels weird, but I'll talk to him a little later. It's kinda hard navigating this ship w so many people disconnected. He's killed some of the more annoying and problematic ones (thanks!!!). And he doesn't care too much to control the vessel. He's got his own life in there, I try not to interfere. He's quite sympathetic to me really, but not in gushy way. Just willing to help me irl w doing stuff, telling me we got this. Keeping the other guys in check when I'm tired.

Ashley visits too, but luckily doesn't live there. I cant imagine the two of them permanently occupying me would be good for my mental state at all. He goes to visit her too? But lives here. Hard to explain.

Anyways thanks Andrew, it feels good to have you here.

Tw abuse and SA:

I was abused extensively and controlled for 8 years, looking at this game mirrors what I went through so much, except I was much more powerless than andrew. And it was my boyfriend, not my sibling. I was also sexually abused by my older brother very very very young, and still have strange mixed feelings. I guess it all contributes to how he materialized there. Not to say he's abusive at all though, just that my various traumas have put him there to protect me. I'm guessing. Idk.

[golbrocklovely]

since i have nothing else to post right now…

here’s the last of colby’s tweets from 2020.

i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted

~~~~~~~~~~

Oct. 1 - love doing things for myself

Oct. 4 - i’m in so much pain. sos

fan: u ok?

poison oak. everywhere …. everywhere.

Oct. 5 - i like the simple things

Oct. 7 - less is more

Oct. 10 - i wanna make you happy

how am i so busy during the day but still manage to find 2 hours to mindlessly scroll through tik tok? i can’t be the only one

Oct. 14 - i care too much

Oct. 15 - somehow it wasn’t enough

Oct. 18 - fan: I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT COLBY SMELLED LIKE..I WANA KNOW WHAT COLOGNE HE WEARS

mayonnaise

(i hate this man so much lmao)

Oct. 19 - Justin Bieber’s new song made me tear up, that dudes been through so much. no one could even imagine what that’s like.. achieving everything and being in the biggest spotlight at such a young age.

Oct. 20 - @/samgolbach: less than 6 months ago i broke my back. and i decided to take that as a challenge to get healthy again. and today i ran the fastest mile i’ve ever run. so yes, i might be an idiot but i’m a determined idiot 🤘🏼🏃🏼

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 that’s an insane accomplishment ! i remember when it was a struggle to stand up out of bed

new day, same cycle

Oct. 21 - my mom is texting me all the young pictures of me and it’s bringing me memories i didn’t know i had

Oct. 25 - panic attacks late at night are the worst

Nov. 1 - @/colbybrockscar: reminder that it’s no nut November!!! @/ColbyBrock doesn’t even have to try. He’s got this shit in the bag. It probs comes out like baby powder if he tries

did my car just roast me ?

Nov. 4 - this is scary

cuties! all 3 of you! (reply to fan in merch with friend and cat)

Nov. 6 - @/GracynCarr: I can’t believe the audacity of a high school tweet to pop up on my timeline lmao.. miss u tho @/ColbyBrock :)

hope you're well xx

Nov. 8 - so much talent thank youu love (reply to fan's art)

fan: Um. So I tweeted this to you before but alot has also changed since then sooo wanted to say thank you 🖤 🖤 @/ColbyBrock

proud of you, and good luck with your dreams darlin 🖤 you can accomplish anything with the right mindset and hard work. i believe in ya

time flies, and i’m so scared of losing my youth. it’s inevitable i know, but damn makes you wanna cherish every moment you got

Nov. 11 - i hate when nothing is wrong but nothing feels right

Nov. 12 - the person who makes you forget about the rest of the world

Nov. 13 - today marks 6 years since we posted our first YT video on the MAIN S&C account .. 🖤 what a wild ride

Nov. 14 - promise you i’m a good waste of time

Nov. 15 - @/katstuartmusic: “sunday is my funday” - colby brock 2020

🥂💁🏻‍♂️💁🏻‍♂️

fan: Colby u get drunk off of one white claw

fight me

other fan: my money is on mags

round house kicks to the face don’t feel too good

(is it bad that i like when colby gets weirdly violent with us sksksks)

Nov. 16 - the Why Dont We dudes are some of the nicest people in LA

*Nov. 17 - @/gabytriana: It’s out! Sam and Colby were so much fun to work with, and despite what Colby said, I did not hate him when we first met! 😆 Both he and Sam are super kind, smart, generous entertainers who know how to tell a good story! I love them both!! Happy Book Birthday, @/samandcolby

hahaha thank youu so much for all the hard work ! so excited it’s finally here

(interestingly enough, colby didn't delete his tweet… gaby did)

Nov. 19 - went to a Pyschic Reader tonight. my mind is blown. im not a skeptic anymore, video coming tomorrow

fan: Get ready for religious people to freak out

the psychic i talked to was religious, i’m not sure how but i think the two concepts can exist at the same time

Nov. 21 - hard to trust

fan: @/ColbyBrock hey, i love u lots

love you 🖤

Nov. 23 - fan: imagine if @/ColbyBrock responded to this

could you imagine

Nov. 24 - fan: lmao okay so my friend put this together when I FINALLY received Colby's reaper merch yesterday and I had to laugh, I am actually stupid. But I thought it was a lil funny so y'all can see it too then xx

hahahha love it. thank you. you’re not a sack of potatoes in my eyes

Nov. 27 - happy b day @/SamGolbach you know this and imma save the sappy shit for your big 25th bday but i wouldn’t be here without you. you’re the most intelligent, deep thinking dude i’ve ever met and i feel pretty damn lucky to be able to call you a business partner AND best friend

Nov. 28 - take it easy

Nov. 30 - should i hop back on tik tok?

Dec. 2 - @/aaron_doh: At least I got a photo shoot out of it 😄

whaaat. dude i wish you a speedy recovery

Dec. 3 - it’s hard to move on

Dec. 5 - a nice escape is all i need

welp. i guess i’m a lightweight

Dec. 9 - miss you

Dec. 14 - all the baggage that comes with me

Dec. 15 - been workin hard for you , announcement tomorrow

fan: omg are you pregaganant

how'd you know

@/samandcolby: announcement tomorrow… 2021 will be the best year of our lives (and probably most difficult)

fan: are we getting married?? is that why?

yes

i hate how having anxiety makes me nauseous. it’s the worst feeling

Dec. 16 - it’s all about living in the moment and making every. second. count.

fan: yeah @/ColbyBrock how much are you charging for tattoos…

free for you

Dec. 18 - big tool pic but i’ve been workin hard

@/mannymua733: we absolutely do not mind

hahahaha

(god damn… this pic is still so good lol)

also cold weather always makes me want a special someone to spend time with. cuddle buddy is neeeeeded

fan: okay but can we just take a second to appreciate how hard colby’s been working in the gym because dayum

thank you sweeeetheart

fan: HELP COLBY IS TRENDING

yoo i love you guys 🥺

Dec. 20 - got tatted last night and i barely remember

how i feel this morning (pic of him floating)

fan: you’ve seen elf on the shelf… but have you seen cole in a hole? (@/ColbyBrock)

i’m mad i laughed at this

Dec. 23 - why’d ya have to change on me

so bittersweet saying goodbye to my childhood home of 18 years… i’ll only be back to kansas to visit and sleep in hotels from now on. strange feeling, but so happy for my mom and dad for taking a chance and moving

it’s like i don’t have a real “home” anymore. since i move so much anyways it’s hard to find a spot to actually call home

fan: i just want to say that colby has helped me through so much this year. i had a tough year as many others did but you’ve seriously have helped me through so much. i love you so so much @/ColbyBrock

awh that’s why i make videos in the first place. for people like you

Dec. 24 - addicted to you

my mom and i are the weirdest duo on the planet when we’re together i swear

fan: Make a video with her for Christmas

my whole family despises being on camera 💔

Dec. 25 - fan: momma brock is the sweetest ever

she’s my favorite woman in the world

Merry Christmas friends ! 🖤

i wish i could have face tats for like one week but it doesn’t really work like that huh

Dec. 26 - everyone’s battling their own demons

Dec. 28 - fan: Colby drinking wine but he's such a lightweight that he's probably drunk, lmao @/ColbyBrock

🤫🤫🤫

fan: the vibes are fucking ethereal i’m guessing @/ColbyBrock

you got it

[velvetporcelain]

no thanks, i'll walk.

hello. it's me. again. I'm here and that says something, it means I want to say something but dont know what, and i need the creativity of writing mixed with the movement of thoughts to help soothe me.

I have my headphones on, which helps with the over stimulation. My mind is so crossed fired.

I think about everything all the time. everything. good thing I'm not an alcoholic, I think would start as a good drunk, living in the moment. But then I would turn into a bad drunk, living in yesterday.

I dont like living in the past. I wake up everyday trying to be a present as I can. Routine takes over, but I go against the grind. I am the grind. When there is no movement, I dont know how to be still. stillness is my suffering. idle suffering. it is why I like to come here and document my thoughts. it's healthy for me to read, but I never come back here to read this shit, because that's what it is, bullshit.

I'm convinced no one knows what love is. everyone wants to be repaid, and that has proven over and over again to end in tragedy, something we happen to be good at.

it seems humanity is really good at doing bad things. that's all we hear about yeah? evil. death. homicide. war. drugs. --- fuck me man. can you imagine if we only talked about the good. would more good happen? would we all be unprepared? would be forget about mortality for a fucking second? what happens when we remember how to live, or what it's like to be alive? why do we have to be so sadistic?

do we leave the holy things to the church? ha. I need ton do more diving on religion in general. theology, is it? yeah I wanna know. when was the first church built and what did they do there? how has this ritual continued for thousands of years? lol can you tell that I have been idle? my mind is a vampire. thirsty, so thirsty. And right now? it's just what I need.

lately I haven't been do much of anything. I feel a bit defeated from the last few months if I'm honest. there have been so many things I had to reverse in my thinking patterns. These kids cant get the best of me because I am always at my best, even when I'm not. there is no in-between for me. It's either I'm learning or teaching. there is no low. Low points do not exist for me. Only neutrality. Idling.

I cant believe how advanced we are. I cant believe that year after year we keep making the same fucking things. that just do more ridiculous and useless shit. More shit for us to reflect the artificial intelligence in it all. They want us artificial, that's why it's becoming easier to spot who is actually still human. I am lucky to have found few, and that's all you need, a few, I would even swear but just having one. you only need one human that makes you feel human, not artificial, or disguised. I'm tired of looking for reassurance in a world that is never sure of anything. again, detaching from the out come. ive been really proud of the progress I have been making, it moves slow because there are so many of us, I have to observe the adaptation process, take mental notes and adjust where I need to, or act according to personality. It's why I think I can rule the world. It's why I love being a woman. I live for community, togetherness, and cultivation.

how poetically unnoticed women go. they are noticed in all the wrong ways. I feel bad for the ones who are always under the spotlight. I really always do wonder if they are truly happy. Maybe the ones how have escaped it all. Hollywood loves its corruption. lol, if that paragraph was a map it would be all over the place.

I'm doing okay. I think.

-x

[rigil-kentauris]

When you get this you have to put 5 songs you actually listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers!! here ya go!!

OH NO JUST 5????

lets see

hm. im going to take the definition ACTUALLY LISTEN TO and translate that to listen with a capital L, put that song on and melt into mattress, listening to that song is a Task.

1. Nothing Left To Say/Rocks Imagine Dragons EXCEPT i dont listen to rocks i do not like it. i got this album for free back when google play music was new enough to coax people with free music if you can believe that. anyway this song is too big to listen to while walking. i will listen to it while driving but i think i shouldnt. its very. hm.

its very sad. it reminds me of people ive left behind. and places i cant go back to. situations that are over without a choice or chance of reprieve. sometimes it just be like that.

but as sad as it is i think lots of parts of this song are also hopeful. the chorus is entirely about giving up, but ever verse ends with i keep pushing on. i think the idea that you keep pushing on and on is the kind of hope that makes all the sad worse. the first time i wrote a piece of fluff, coming off of a solid career of angst, the person i was writing with was like, see, now that they are happy, you can make them even sadder! because once, they were happy! and i think this song is a bit reverse of that. things suck, and you keep going. theres nothing left to say about it.

anyway, i think this song says about me that i am depressed but what is new there. my favorite line is all of them. god ive decided to pick lines. so i would say that. despite liking individual lines more, i think my favorite line is when it goes

But I keep pushing On and on and on and on

or when it goes and instead of but. i think it contrast is what makes the song powerful. im tired, and im lost, and everything hurts, and im giving up but im still going. im falling but im pushing on. theres nothing i can do and nothing i can say. im pushing on. what a very modern tragedy. ill stop now before i go in circles.

grumpy side note. i think If you could only save me/I'm drowning in the waters of my soul… could be improved. this whole song has been internally driven until then, and then the song gives the spotlight moment to a desperate wish that someone else could save me/us/you. pah.

also fuck rocks. im sorry if someone reading this is a rocks liker but i am not.

2. Well now that we've got a a bog standard answer I'll put All My Friends by LCD Soundsystems for the umpteenth time. I won't make everyone sit through this ramble again. I think this song also says about me that i am a depressed zillenial.

i genuinely cant pick a single line. if im picking one part then that means im not picking another

in general i think this whole song is. regrets and nostalgia bound together. lives youve lead. mistakes youve made. people who have come apart from you just as it is. losing yourself to the grind but also living. this whole verse is

It comes apart The way it does in bad films Except the part Where the moral kicks in Though when we're running out of the drugs And the conversation's grinding away I wouldn't trade one stupid decision For another five years of life

And its like. life is coming apart. we're coming down of the life of living and being young and being in the moment. theres no moral to this story. just entropy. and despite that. despite all that. i wouldnt give any of it away. everything has lead me here and i- i am not just happy with that. i wouldnt take five more years worth of chances in exchange for the one shot to change what ive been

i think its pretty aspirational

theres another song i like to listen to that has a theme of even the mistakes weren't really mistakes at all. i think. eh. i think these aspirations are useful. i think we can find happiness even if the past is sad.

anyway all of these are my favorite lines. this is another one i listen to in the car even though i shouldnt.

3. DID I SAY STOP BEING MAUDLIN I MEANT START HARDER. Wide Open - Chemical Brothers after about a million hours listening time i am becoming slightly immune to this one though.

tbh the lyrics arent particularity striking to me but the whole combination of everything is just MAGICAL. plus theres like four whole words in the song. but since ive decided to make myself pick lines, im going to go with the chorus Slow me down/It's getting away from me

4. OH OH. OH I WANT TO PUT. Hm. I think this might not count but i've written almost an essay about this one and i listen to it critically so I think it fits the definition of Listen listen to. Truth Despair and Hope, FE8, Saki Haruyama, Yoshihiko Kitamura, Yoshito Hirano. im mentally ill about this song re: how it blends storytelling and music.. i'll tell you how ill i am about this song i dug up my exhiled FE blog (nobody @ me there i wont see it) to find what i wrote about it [long eyes emoji post with timestamps][a shorter post that i DID NOT FINISH ELABORATING ON???? but i think is more insightful and important analysis of the story/song meld]

anyway. its not like. a song on my playlists. its just like the only music ive every done serious analysis on voluntarily and because i once said if this song was a person i'd marry it. also help i managed to avoid putting any of these songs on while writing and now ive failed and i cant turn it off. im worked up about this again. its about teh WEAVING OF THREE DISPARATE TALES EACH ALIKE IN MEANING EXCEPT WHEN VIEWED THROUGH THE LENS OF THE OTHER. WHO IS TRUTH? WHO IS DESPAIR? WHO IS HOPE? WHO IS WORKING THAT SICK ASS BASS LINE? THIS SONG AND ITS TRIO OF PARTS (okay i count four in several parts but yknow) HAUNT ME

this one doesnt have lyrics so i cant have a favorite one. my favorite part i think would be the bass from 0:30-0:45

5. there are better candidates for 5, but i spent a week on internal debating and if i dont pick a 5 im never going to. in the spirit of something more cheerful than the prior, im picking Where the Streets Have No Names which is by U2. so, for reasons i wont get into, i have been flying on planes regularly for most my life. this is my Plane Song. i dont listen to it very often because like. the atmosphere. has to be: you are squished into your window seat. its fucking BAKING hot because the sun in magnified on you. it is also FREEZING because youre on a plane. you are squished like the sardine with a stranger and your leg hurts from playing the cant touch anyone anxiety game. and youre tired from getting up early or staying up late and youre unrelated, slightly dozy because the whole process is a stress and theres the tremendous white noise of the massive engines leaking in through your very worn earbuds. and theres the minute vibrations of your tiny metal tube, and you are looking out the baking hot window and there are clouds and clouds and clouds and SUN. and you are nowhere in the world on your way to somewhere else. and it doenst matter if thats a good somewhere or a bad somewhere. your in the Sky now. and it is beautiful

anyway i havent flown lately as you might imagine. plague and all that.

im going to cheat and pick two lyrics. We're still building then burning down love/Burning down love because i like it and i like how it sounds in the song. i like the sound more than the next lyrics but i like the next lyric better, which is And when I go there/I go there with you/It's all I can do

im very disappointed i couldnt sneak in a complextro song or one of the glitchy ones. but tbh i listen to those because they distract half my brain, allowing me to focus. they arent really for Listening listening to.

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okey i know several of yall do NOT like tag games and i cant remember who right now so i will wait on tagging. but if you want to do it please tag me and i will skedaddle over and give some songs a listen!

[woomycritiques543]

Super scummy of Viv to replace her voice actors with broadway actors. As fi she don't care about all the praise and attention they brought to her show. She should've had broadway actors as the singing voices if she really wants them but nooooo

I heard about it being a voice actor unit thing as to why the old vc left.

In that case.... WHY NOT HIRE OTHER INDIE VCS????! What the fuck Viv?! Why have celeberties to advance your show, when you can easily hire people who havent had the spotlight yet/cant due a variety of reasons? It really reads as her letting the fame get to her head at this point, especially with how she speaks of those who just wish that she would make an genuine effort to improve writing wise. I just hope that they arent all broadway actors and that she wont turn into a hypocrite with all of the "indie support!" talk that she does but then turning around and not being kind towards her own studio (rushing out Helluva Boss to have ten whole episodes in the span of only two years. Meanwhile, just the Hazbin pilot took three years. So you could imagine how it felt to have a schedule like this with even MORE frames and animation than that within a small studio, etc.) and then having the voice of her "lol look how much we support indie creators!" show be a series that took it's indie vcs out, and instead of replacing them with broadway actors. Especially seeing how she has enough broadway actors as it is within Helluva Boss. So yeah-

SUPER scummy of her if that were (fully) the case.