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newtedison · 4 years

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my thoughts on the crank palace

i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy

1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later

2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in.

3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...

4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt

5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it

6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...

7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.

i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think

(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)

#my fingers hurt from typing lol #the crank palace #the maze runner #newt #newtmas #anyway...

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deripmaver · 3 years

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4 5 6 for ALL OF THE CaPri FANFICS

LKSJMDHGVLKSJ ALL OF THEM???

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue? 5: What part was hardest to write? 6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

Ink On Paper (tongue fic) 4. lmfaoooooooo there isn't a whole lot of dialogue in this one oop-

Laurent nodded. The wax softened as he pressed his hand into it, erasing his previous message. Soft, warm, melting under his touch. He wrote again, I need someone who is not afraid to read out the insults I make towards the idiots at court. You have been fired, Damianos.

i guess it technically counts lmfao. i just wanted to show laurent post-trauma still able to make jokes and snipe at his husband so it wasnt all doom and gloom 5. i'm not sure exactly what "hardest to write" here means because like... a lot of these fic have serious gore or otherwise upsetting content, but both emotionally and actually writing wise i find that kind of thing actually pretty easy to write hahahaha. i think i got stuck with the chronology and the decision to make it non-linear made it flow a lot better. for the record writing laurent getting raped and then having his tongue cut out was actually very easy to write, i think i got it out in basically one go. #cancelme the more fucked up and intense the easier i find to nyoom through it 6. my first ever fic in the capri fandom!!!! hehehehhehehe <333333 Level Of Concern (plan B fic) 4.

Before Nicaise could say anything, Laurent spat, “Does he know you had your first heat?”

SURPRISE nic was the one who was pregnant the whole time!!!!!!! 5. this one i banged out REALLY quickly so i cant think of anything here 6. capri omegaverse!!!!!!! i wish there was more of this 🥺🥺🥺 Like Me (what if Auguste was also abused fic) 4. ******CW INCEST MENTION CW ABUSE MENTION******

“Your brother’s stuck his dick in every single member of your family,” Auguste spat out, laughing, crying, and so miserable he thought his heart would stop. His voice rose again, and he felt something burst from him as he screamed for the whole world to hear, “Did you know that? Did you, huh papa? Did he fuck you too?”

dude this line is so fucked up lmfao but i enjoyed writing it so much. actually this entire scene where auguste is having his breakdown was really intense to write and im really pleased with how it came out OR

Auguste grabbed him suddenly, looking up into his grief-stricken face desperately. “Please, Laurent,” he pleaded, voice breaking. “Please. Don’t let him end up like me.”

i felt entirely too clever with this line lmfao. i was like ~ooooohhhhh title drop~ im so dumb 5. i just remember this one like. dragged on for some time. i couldnt figure out what to do with it, how to get everything to coalesce around the final reveal about auguste 6. plot twist!!!!!!! plus auguste angst. i really enjoyed this one, i wrote it after watching the movie Spotlight which is one of my all time faves Softly, Gently 4.

“My King has been overexerting himself again, I presume?” Paschal sighed, shaking his head with a fond smile. “When have I ever done that?” Laurent cocked his head to the side, a wry smile on his face.

hehehehe sassy laurent my beloved <33333 5. honestly im just going to skip this one from now on lskjghmvlksjhglkvsjhdl i just get "stuck" sometimes without rhyme or reason and its usually on boring stuff, but then i cant remember later. the hardest part for me is when my dumb fucking adhd brain wont let me focus on writing but once i overcome that its usually pretty smooth sailing 6. horny omegaverse.................... my beloved............... giving men vaginas for horny reasons my beloved......................... Water of Life (birth fic)

“Do you want to hold him?” Erasmus breathed, eyes glassy. The baby cried, Erasmus bouncing him tenderly in those sunkissed arms. He looked apologetic. “Only for a moment, it’s not quite over yet.” A playful smile danced on Erasmus’ lips, and he brushed away a slick, damp curl from the wailing baby’s head. “A head this big, he certainly takes after Exalted.”

a cute, fun lil line in the sea of horrible angst lmfao ORRRRRR

Erasmus knelt before Damen, before Laurent. He said, “Exalted… Can you command his Highness to push?” Damen froze. “Do you mean…?” Erasmus nodded. “Alpha command.” Damen’s expression crumpled. He said, in a voice that shattered Erasmus’ heart, “I can’t. I can’t do that to him.” Erasmus licked his lips. “Exalted, in this state, he can’t push. His contractions are weaker. He’ll-” “I can’t,” Damen cried, clinging to Laurent’s limp body like a lifeline. “He’d… He’d never forgive me.”

damen is so sweet........ he loves laurent so much...... ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

He stopped at the doorframe, turning to face Laurent with tears in his eyes, and whispered, “How long does it take, your Highness?” Laurent, shocked enough to respond, hissed, “What?” “I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking of it,” Erasmus said, voice thick in his throat, tears burning at his eyes. “How long until it’s over?”

real sad hours if u up click like. i love erasmus and laurent bonding over their shared trauma <33333333333333333333 laurent and erasmus friendship propaganda 24-fucking-7 bay bee!!!!! 6. unironically this is one of my fav fic ive ever written skdljmfhgvlksjdhflmgkvjshldkjfghvmls call the midwife is one of my favorite shows and writing this made me look at birth as something visceral and possibly horrible and traumatic. i wanna write more fucked up birth scenes, SO MANY MORE. ridley scott knew what he was doing Sandalwood (erasmus/kallias my sweet boys i love u so much) 4.

“I do,” Erasmus breathes, ducking his head, flushed as though embarrassed. “In the gardens, the perfume from the orange trees all around us on those summer nights.” Kallias smiles behind him – Erasmus knows his body so intimately he can feel it in how Kallias’ posture changes, though he can’t see the soft turn of his lips. “The scent was so cloying I thought it would drive me mad. It made me want to kiss you senseless.” Erasmus laughs, breathlessly, imagining the warm heat of Kallias’ mouth against his. “Don’t blame that on the orange trees, dear one.”

beloved..................... im weeping.......... 6. these two make me fuckign CRY ON THE REG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH MY SWEET BOYS YOU DESERVE THE WORLD- Wisps of Smoke******************* (lauguste fic) 4. ***CW EXPLICIT INCEST*** (i mean....... obviously lmfao)

“Call me what I like,” Auguste growled against his ear. “You know what I like.” He did. Laurent did. He knew everything Auguste liked – the slow flick of Laurent’s tongue on the underside of his cock, that tender spot behind his earlobe, the way Laurent’s thighs looked straddled atop him like his horse – and this. “Brother,” Laurent gasped, desperate, “Brother, please, harder. Harder.”

i wanted the incest to be explicitly part of the kink here lmfaoooooo 6. hehehehehehehhehehehhehe lauguste................... i need to write more of u But I Love It (laurent is allergic to latex fic) 4.

“Laurent,” Auguste said, voice high in warning. Laurent braced himself, stiffening visibly. With what seemed to be monumental effort, Auguste continued, “You know, Laurent. I’m proud of you.”

IM A SOFT BITCH OK???????????????? auguste is PROUD of his baby bro for overcoming his sexual trauma and getting that fat dick 6. SLJHVDLMKJDHGVLK PEOPLE FUCKING LOVED THIS FIC i tried to be funny and i think it worked. plus some softe bits thrown in. i also kind of see lots of humor fic where its a no abuse au, but i wanted to write something comedic where the regent still. existed u kno????? anyways hahahahha i dont think i can write anything like this again but im glad y'all liked it Is It Cold In The Water (slice of life fic) 4.

Laurent opens his mouth to say something cheeky, but instead, what comes out is: “Do you think Aimeric had the right idea?” Damen is quiet for so long, gaze serious and framed with his long, dark lashes, that Laurent wonders if he’d spoken aloud at all – and when he’s sure he had, he realizes Damen had remembered Aimeric after all. When he speaks again, the sleep is gone from his voice. “Laurent,” Damen says carefully, as though approaching a spooked horse, “Is something wrong?”

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 soft,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 6. ruby likes this fic lskjdvhmflgksfjdhmvglkjsdhflkvgmjhlekjfhdvlgskjfhv im a SIMP- The Devil's Got Nothing On Me (AIMERIC FIC LEGGOOOO) 4. there are lots of lil nuggets in here!!!!

Aimeric blinks, and all he can think is, you knew? He says, "I – I just." "I am a patient man," Guion breathes, "I support everyone in my household. Everyone. But Aimeric, you are truly testing my patience. Your mother came to me in tears, begging me to find you. Look at what you did to her! There was nothing I could say until we found you!" "I'm sorry," Aimeric whispers, looking at Loyse, "I'm-" "Look at me," Guion roars.

this conversation was inspired by a very miserable encounter with my boss lmfao. fuck that guy and fuck guion

The regent, blue eyes sparkling - and Aimeric has never thought eyes could look just like a summer sky until now - says to Guion but really to Aimeric, "I was thinking I could take little Aimeric riding tomorrow. Just the two of us." Loyse says, before Guion can speak, voice trembling with relief, "I think that's a wonderful idea, your Highness."

~dramatic irony~ lmfaoooooooooo. WE know of course that this is a bad thing, but it's always fun to have characters make bad choices that they have no idea are bad. i also did this briefly in "Like Me" with auguste's ex wife taking nicaise to church because she was so overwhelmed at home and he offered to help. of course, the regent is always happy to help out. evil evil evil

"-was worried it might be difficult for him." A soft, lilting laugh. The guards had said the regent was in the library, and then there is Guion, right there with him. Aimeric is suddenly angry, not sure why his father is with the regent, who is his and no one else's. The regent responds, "I daresay it's been perfectly easy. It seems you've done most of the work already."

i wanted to highlight the fact that it was aimeric's neglect that lead him to the regent in the first place. hence "youve done most of the work already" - guion by ignoring and neglecting aimeric created the perfect environment for the regent to sweep in and take advantage. like leaving food out btwn 40-140 F is a perfect breeding ground for bacteria LOL. the books touch on that but i wanted to make it explicit

He is so, so ashamed. It's unbearable, the thought of her kind eyes, the way she cried for him, the way he pushed her away. Before he'd left to join the prince's guard, she had taken his hand, kissed it, and said in a voice fragile as glass, "It's been such a long time since I've seen you smile like that," but in that moment he could think only of the regent's letter warm in his pocket.

6. honestly i know ive sounded super conceited this whole time but i kind of tear up whenever i read through the end of the fic lmfao. aimeric is just so fucking depressing as a character and i love that i really got to explore that in this fic. he really didnt have anyone, did he????? he's like a tragic greek character where you just watch him stumbling towards his inevitable end and it hurts the whole time. its even worse on the reread ANYWAYYYYYYY thats it. thanks so much for the ask anon!!!!!!! feel free to send me more!!!

#captive prince fanfic #captive prince #captive prince fanfiction #ask meme #capri fanfic

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mieczyhale · 5 years

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throwing together some of my recent/ish hc posts/tags for @hellomyguru bc its a thing, babey (i have no idea what you’ve seen and what you havent bc tumblr really just suck like that so lmao)

my tags on this post:: #HELL YEAH HELL YEAH #more pride hcs!!! noice!!#i love these sfm#like klaus always taking part no matter how bad shit is bc HIS PEOPLE!!! and ben trying to punch picketers and homophobes is fucking adorbs#and i would kill (whoop) for the day klaus makes ben corporeal during pride and ben can punch all the people and then disappear#vanya’s is cute. come to the light darling!!#and diego fksgjf okay listen whether one hcs him as bi or not this is 1000% something he’d do either way#he’s supportive!!! and he has lgbtqa+ family!!! and nobody gets to be mean to his family but him!!#see also:: the first year after the apocalypse is avoided five decides to tag along when klaus saying he’s taking dave to#his very first pride. he not only enjoys himself but he learns a lot and either then or over the course of the following weeks figures his#own labels out - bc i hc five as asexual and i just have a thing for klaus being the all knowledgeable one about something for once#and his siblings learning about gender and sexuality from him and maybe discovering something new about themselves along the way!#except luther. he’s a cis hetero and we all know it#but maybe he learns to be a good ally. maybe#i mean probably not but whatever#allison is the only other person in the family who i’d even consider calling straight#bc there’s nothing wrong with being straight and i just.. dont have another label that i think fits her really well#so yeah ive got gender and sexuality hcs for them all flgkscndn happy pride month bitches

my tags on this post:: #’you’re telling me this happens every year?? for a whole month??!’ #actually i need every possible concept of dave experiencing pride month and seeing how far things have come for gays#like rainbow shit everywhere#and of course the legalization of gay marriage#out and proud gay politicians and gay people in positions of power#the amount of support that comes when homophobic shit happens now#homophobia isnt the accepted norm anymore#another thing i like is the concept of - either during pride or just in general - dave being excited to learn about the community as a whole#his boyfriend is a nonbinary pansexual and klaus has explained before what those words mean but dave wants to really understand#we stan a supportive and loving couple#dave has a lot to learn in 2019 but i think this stuff would be the most important and have the most effect on him yknow??#shit isnt perfect but its better and now he can work on getting passed the environment he was raised in#so he can hold klaus’s hand in public and kiss him around other people without panicking and eventually he proposes because HE FUCKING CAN#HE CAN DO THAT. HE CAN JUST.. ASK HIS BOYFRIEND TO MARRY HIM. LEGALLY.#good fucking shit

my tags on this post:: #did you see the state of the sky in the apocalypse?? there’s a chance he really wouldnt have noticed#i mean like yeah it could be a funny plothole#but there could also be reasons for why thats not something he noticed#or idfk man timeline shit#maybe the moon didnt explode the first time around#maybe it did and there’s just another moon somehow some way#maybe he didnt notice bc he was first too scared and then too frenzied and angry probably and then he had shit to focus on and math to do#and then dolores wanted to go on dates to the local wine cellars and flat empty areas that used to be parks and then there was spending days#in the library together like having a girlfriend is a lot of work okay#maybe five just didnt have the time to slowdown and consider things like space#maybe his headspace was too fucked#sometimes you just forget about the moon - i know i do!#so sfgksncjf okay y e ah

my tags on this post:: #YES!!! #yes yes yes #okay #so#everytime someone mentions or even hints at dave having anger issues i wanna fucking cheer bc thats one of my biggest hcs for him#like yeah he’s sweet and gentle and respectful and all that - genuinely a good man - our lil jewish gay#BUT#he did grow up in the 50s and 60s which as op said would have surrounded him with a lot of toxic masculinity. now i dont think he would be#a toxic kind of masculine AT ALL but it definitely would have forced him to hide his emotions and feelings and idk hobbies and of course his#sexuality. and i say hobbies bc there isnt a canon answer for it i dont think but i personally hc dave as being someone who loves art#specifically: drawing. dave keeping a lil sketchbook and some pencils under the pillow on his cot in vietnam?? yes please#so anyway yeah - he wouldnt have really had any good examples of how to properly take care of your anger - although he has enough#heart and common sense to know its really fucking wrong to take it out on women and children and people one is dating WHICH - another hc i#have that ties into this is that somehow his dad found out that he’s gay and beat the crap out of him over it. because unfortunately thats a#thing that happens. so his main male example was an abusive pos. and then he goes to vietnam which is fine because its not like he has#anyone stateside that will miss him - that will talk to him anymore - and its a warzone so there are a lot of ways to work out your anger#and yeah that of course includes bar fights. and he does - usually - try and keep a hold on his anger until he’s away from anyone who might#feel threatened - and he doesnt wanna end up taking out an innocent on accident - but he’s not actually perfect and so sometimes he fails#and it happens around klaus one time and seeing his love’s reaction - the making himself smaller - trying to hide - going quiet and so#clearly afraid - and not just afraid but afraid OF HIM - freezes him to the core where he stands because nobody has ever reacted like that#before. or if they have he never noticed or cared because they didnt matter. but this is klaus. his klaus. who he loves and would never do#anything to hurt him. his klaus who he protects and defends and knows he wants to spend his life with - no matter how impossible it is#he wants to go to klaus and apologize - try to undo the damage done simply by him raising his voice and lashing out - but he doesnt know#what to say or how to say it - he doesnt know what to do with the situation honestly. so he leaves the tent and goes to take his renewed#anger and frustration out on whatever he can find so he can calm down and hopefully get into the right headspace to have whats#no doubt going to be a really hard conversation with his boyfriend. because where do you even start??#but of course they talk it out and dave promises to work on his anger and on how he lets it out and yknow.. its dave so klaus trusts him and#it takes some time - there are some incidents - but dave works hard and learns a lot from klaus - including how to unlearn a lot of shit he#grew up with - and its rough but having a partner from the future who breaks all kinds of barriers definitely helps#so y eah. those are my brief feelings on it and i wanna marry op

my tags on this post:: #!!!!!!!!!!!! #YES #i adore this post#i could never pinpoint why the introduction on the bus made me feel like That but this is it!!#its just so sweet and innocent - even surrounded by other soldiers in the middle of a warring country#the innocence and unbearable fucking adorableness of their first convo on that bus just… its so bright and lovely it makes everything else disappear#the only thing that matters is the two guys getting to experience that ‘o h’ moment for the first time in their lives bc their childhoods#never let them have that #i assume#bc like op said klaus didnt go to a regular school and he wasnt p much stuck in that house and then he was on the streets so#and for dave like.. i guess he could’ve had that moment in school? but it would’ve been one-sided and he never would have#told anyone. 1960s. gay jewish man. yeah.#they’re each others first (and only) loves and i just really fucking adore that and live off of posts about them

my tags on this post:: #what if he wasnt dead-dead though???#bc like… the day five found them all dead was apparently the day the apocalypse happened right? so its not like they’d been dead for days#weeks or w.e yknow??#and the time between klaus dying and coming back is varying and undetermined - there’s no canon timing for the length of his deaths#so what if he came back to life??#like okay i know its not really possible in canon bc five buried them i think?? or is that a fanon thing??#i cant remembering #anyway#but still - in general klaus not being permanently dead in the apocalypse is another possibility#and five didnt know about it bc after finding them all he began his 45 year journey#and klaus wakes up alone and essentially has to learn to survive and he doesnt know five was ever there bc..well.. yeah#five is long gone#maybe klaus lives out his days in that wasteland#and he doesnt remember it where five does bc five time traveled back and klaus didnt. the klaus that got stuck in the#apocalypse is a different klaus - like a different timeline. the klaus from ep1 never got stuck in the destroyed future so#he’d have no knowledge or memories of it or anything#or - second thought - he kills himself at some point after waking up and either begs god to let him stay dead or he strikes some kind of#deal with her so he doesnt have to return to whats left of earth#oooo or something happened that put a lock on his powers?? like yknow those cuffs and devices and stuff in stuff in fantasy that freeze the#users abilities?? that’d be an interesting plotpoint bc then like who did it and why and what was the last day really like? yknow#vanya’s meds but More is the idea #just a thought#but anyway idk im just a big fan of klaus with the inability to die and all the possibilities that brings

my tags on this post:: #i’ve actually never stopped to consider why he didnt notice them except for my v first tua watch-thru#which is odd bc like that seems like a thing one should notice after a few watches??#but w.e #anyway#my only other hc for that part of the episode isnt that klaus didnt notice them bc he’s used to guns#it’s that he didn’t hear them#or that they weren’t loud enough -to him- to register as gunfire initially#bc like one of my close hcs is that he has bad hearing. growing up with people screaming in your ears 24-7 365 can’t exactly be good for#his ears now can it? and with how loud some of them are and how close they can get to him - without touching him - that’s just.. a lot of#fucking volume okay#now add in the academy’s mission alert siren#how loud he listens to his music with headphones on when he’s trying to drown out some REALLY LOUD SCREAMING#and then being near gunfire growing up. those bank robbers had guns and weren’t exactly a big distance away#all the raves and clubs and parties he goes to?? places where music is played so loud the room shakes and you cant hear anything else and#the music itself can be heard from blocks away?? that’s an indeterminable amount of intense noise#and then of course the gunfire of vietnam#so like… boys ears have SUFFERED. whether they wanna acknowledge that in canon or not#so the shooting at the theater - the shooting thats IN the theater - which is large and meant to house sound#thats happening across a big city street from where they’re standing and they’re behind the food truck and if klaus was ordering when it all#started that was just another level of sound and he’s not exactly focused bc everything is awful yknow?? so either it takes him a second to#notice or register it on his own or maybe he doesnt and ben says something?? idk but that’s kinda the field i’ve landed on for that scene#not that im not here for op’s hc!!! bc it really is a good one and it makes sense. im just rambling my own theory here bc i like considering#the Ways for Things sometimes. esp with klaus involved. this does make me wonder tho… if his hearing somehow is -fine- in canon…. h o w?#bc like bitch who tf can take all that and have perfect hearing?? thats gotta be impossible. if they are fine is it related to his powers#somehow?? like.. does his casual passing between life and death all the time mean he doesnt have mortal ear weaknesses? its weird but im..#i’ve got theories.

my tags on this post:: #probably in the massive fucking pockets of his fluffy coat#see also:: a dealer’s place #a boyfriend’s place#an ex-boyfriend who is also a dealer’s place#a girlfriend’s place #a partner’s place#all ex’s of course bc dave is the only valid romantic relationship#he made friends with the person who owns a nearby thrift store and they help him out#he has a locker at a public place like the ymca#he only has one outfit before returning to the mansion so he has nothing to carry - ever on the move#he thiefs off of people in rehab and crackhouses he stayed in that are dumb enough to leave their shit unattended#when he sees something he likes or he feels its time for an outfit change#he mostly sticks with his lace up pants as far as bottom pieces go bc its much harder to sneak away with skirts#and the kind of crazy pants he likes. there’s only room for one pair of pants for this pan disaster#after returning to the mansion he has access to the funky gay clothes he had managed to aquire before leaving all those years ago#bc like… i kinda hc that he got out of there fast and probably higher than fuck and had nothing packed#have you ever tried to pack while high?? it’s harder than it has any right to be#crack theory:: he had a bag - we just never saw it bc in the beginning he wore it under his floofy coat bc safety and he didnt need it the#rest of the time.#i have a lot of thoughts and headcanony opinions about klaus’s time on the streets so thank u#for giving me a place to dump some of them

#a collection of my dumbass tag rambles about the umbrella academy #for the ever lovely #hellomyguru #im definitely gonna be thinking of more pride hcs tho bc... Gay.#oooo i should make a post about my gender/sexuality hcs for all the siblings maybe?? ive seen other people do that and like.. i wanna share #but i also dont want to be eaten by people who disagree so... mayhaps not.#idk.#anyway. i knew i typed a lot in tags but uh... i wasnt aware of how bad it was. whoops?#mytuaposts

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xkarkat-vantasx · 5 years

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Kankri TL 1

Canonmates: none

Who i want to find: everyone to apologize lmao

Tw: major death that is the reust of the dreambubbles, suicide brief mentions

Shortt enough meenah told me to shut up and while we were alive i was very outspoken and was less ranty and just wanted to be helpful.

Being told to shut up was common and i was getting more and more angry and so the last straw was that. I snapped and idk how because i blacked out but i killed everyone. When i came to my senses i had noticed the jade blood was fressh and that i was kneeling. It was Cronus was in my lap, barely alive but not for long. I was so shocked and scared.

Cronus wasn't the best guy but literally none of us were.

He cared about me and i secretly loved him.

He would flirt with me on and off and i would just blush and pretend like it wasnt getting to me.

Seeing him look at me he laughed. He laughed and said "i dont blame you and im sorry. Wish i could have been a better friend" in the yknow. Cronus voice. And i started crying. He died and i kissed him lightly and then i killed myself.

Welp here are the dream bubbles where we just fuckin exist. It took me plenty of sweeps before i let myself try and talk to people

Meenah was still salty and yknow i dont really care but porrim, Cronus, latula, rufio, damara, and mituna were all worried because they hadn't seen me.

Well i apologized and meenah told me to grow a pair and to just move on with my life and so i did.

After being alone for so long it gave me time to study and evaluate myself. That the celibacy was an awful idea. Cut that shit out. It didnt matter. I was a romantic troll and i wanted some of that.

So i dated. Singularly and no quadrants. I liked doing things more in a human manor when it came to dating. Cronus enjoyed that.

I was a lanky troll here. Lanky but i was strong. Think slim muscle. I was average height and i had a case of big red eyed and long lashes.

Cronus was angular but soft? and scrappy man. He had a sweet face. His skin on his arms and face were rougher notnsuper rough though but his hands were soft except some places he grew callus. He wasnt mich taller than me but a little taller

Porrim was this tall curvy woman. Her tattoes gradually collected and i think it was damara who did them. She was firm and basically punk aunt that takes you out either for a cool night or to kick your ass when you did something awful.

I cant remember the rest too well but id love yo talk to anyone who remembers more.

#kankri #kankri vantas #kankri vantas kin #kankri kin #hs kankri #Cronus kin #cronus ampora #homestuck kin #kin

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eternalmydnyt · 3 years

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So I decided its time for another one of my random peeks i give into my insanity. This is the playlist of songs on my IPhone. Some are there just because i like them but for the most part music is a form of self therapy for me, the voices find things in life which lets them feel manifest and music is a way to feel them, touch them, and communicate with them in a generally harmless environment. Plus this can give anyone who reads an glimpse into my head and my tastes

In no particular order Im going to follow this format for the list

"Title" Band

Affecting Lyrics

How it affects me

Lets begin shall we?

"Get Well" Icon For Hire

Don't tell the others but it's all getting old

I mean how many more times must our stories be told?

And being lonely's only fun in a group

It sort of loses it's charm when it's true

This is a song about someone who is tired of suffering. Someone who has decided that its time to get serious about changing for the better. The voice in my head who reacts most to this is Eleni, Eleni doesnt want to be broken anymore, doesnt want to be crazy and fractured. She is my internal caretaker and OCD. She is who i draw on when i need to get things done regardless of how i feel.

"My Name" Shinedown

My name is worthless like you told me I once was

My name is empty cause you drained away the love

My name is searching since you stole my only soul

My name is hatred and the reasons we both know

Micheal... he is so angry all the time. Angry about the past, angry about the present, angry about the future. He is my rage at a world that should be more then what it is. Micheal is the one who is most "Me" of the voices. He is the one who is the closest to being who i would if i didnt have to constantly wear a thousand masks for society. He cares about some but in general he just wants to see everyone burn until they understand his pain.

"Break In" Halestorm

You are the only one

The only one that sees me

Trusts me and believes me

You are the only one

The only one that knows me

And in the dark you show me

Yeah it's perfectly reckless

Damn you leave me defenseless

So break in

This is my song i dedicate to Francine and everything she does for me. She is one of only 3 people who I truelly trust and who knows almost everything about me. She has saved me.

"Carry on my Wayward Son" Supernatural 200th Episode Cover.

Masquerading as a man with a reason

My charade is the event of the season

And if I claim to be a wise man,

Well, it surely means that I don't know

Ok this one is just because i REALLY like it. Especially this version.

"Indestructible" Disturbed

Another reason, another cause for me to fight

Another fuse uncovered now, for me to light

My dedication to all that I've sworn to protect

I carry out my orders without a regret

Ahh Alex. He is aggressive and territorial. He isnt Angry the way Micheal is but he is more violent. He was the part of me that couldnt remember fighting back against bullies, the part which would lash out in violence against anyone who mistreated me. He was dangerous and volitile in school but he had reasons to be. He changed as I got older... now he is more of a gatekeeper. He protects the people i trust... deciding who is "Pack" and who isnt. If he doesnt accept you then I dont trust you. I dont have many in my circle but he is the one who holds the guest list. If you arent in the circle then Alex lets Micheal have you.

"Divide" Disturbed

I am a little more provocative then you might need,

It's your shock and then your horror on which I feed

So can you tell me what exactly does freedom mean,

If I'm not free to be as twisted as I wanna be

Don't wanna be another player losing in this game

I'm trying to impress upon you

We're not the same

My psychotic mentality is so unique

I'm one aggressive motherfucker

Now, wouldn't you say

Ever since Micheal became violent he has been fighting against being classified with the rest. He hates being "Just another voice" he believes he is THE voice and the others should serve him. I like Micheal alot... he is one i rely on and consider one of my closest allies because he has the strength to drown out the others when i need him to... but god he can be a self important dick sometimes.

"Without Me" Eminem

Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me

'Cause we need a little controversy,

'Cause it feels so empty without me

This is another i just really like. Hell of a beat. Good music for a walk.

"Fuck Away the Pain" Divide the Day

You hate the way he fooled around behind your back

A slave to him but now with me, no strings attached

But if you wanna use me up and leave me in the bed

If that's what you need go right ahead

Ahh Gray. I was wondering when you would show up. Gray loves this song. Being eternally a teenager his greatest joys in life are Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. If he could spend all his time getting high, getting laid, and playing Call of Duty he would be a happy boy. He reminds me to have fun and relax. I just wish he wasnt so pushy about it.

"Love Bites (So Do I)" Halestorm

My lips are pale and vicious.

You’re foaming at the mouth.

You’ve suffered in the darkness.

I’ll suck the pain right out.

So come and taste the reason

I’m nothing like the rest.

I kiss you in a way you’ll never forget about me.

Two Gray songs in a row. He is a firm believer that the best cure for pain is to leave it behind with fun and pleasure. Someone hurt you? Leave em behind and find something better. He doesnt get why it has to be any more complicated then that.

"Innocence" Halestorm

Is this what you wanted

Did I make your dreams come true?

You're sitting in a corner

Wondering what you got into

And you ache for things you don't understand

That your tears don't mean a thing

I only cum when you scream

Raven. I dont talk about her much. Micheal is angry and Alex is Violent but Raven enjoys it. Raven wants to inflict pain not for revenge or to protect me... she wants to inflict pain because she enjoys it. She loves the idea of having power over another person and being able to control the difference between their pleasure and their pain. finding out just what it would take to push someone to the point where the carress of fingertips and the carress of a blade provoke the same reaction... be it screams or moans. Raven came to being during a time in my life when all i did was suffer... and when all you do is suffer you find ways to enjoy even that.

"Leave it all behind" Cult to Follow

Forget the decay

And the endlessness of all of our mistakes

Forget all the blame

And the apathy

And throw it all away

Forget the Pain

Forget the Hate

Forget all your Enemies

They never will break you again

This would probobly be most associated with my serpent. He isnt vocal... he is cold and empty... armored and predatory. He is instinct and survival. He turns me off. When my emotions are more then i can handle his scales harden me and keep them out... better to feel nothing then to be overwhelmed.

"My Songs know what you did in the Dark" Fall Out Boy

A constellation of tears on your lashes

Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes

In the end everything collides

My childhood spat back out the monster that you see

Another Micheal... have i mentioned he is loud? I think one of the largest things that fuels his rage is the fact that maybe I would be so much healthier if someone had jus seen what was going on when i was a child and helped me then... no instead the schools were content just labeling me "Antisocial with Anger Control Issues and an Overactive Imagination" Fucking lazy ass socalled professionals...

"What I've Done" Linkin Park

I'll face myself

To cross out what I’ve become

Erase myself

And let go of what I’ve done

This song speaks to me but its hard to pinpoint why. Theres alot in my life i regret... Life needs a Do-over button.

"Porn Star Dancing" My Darkest Days

She wraps those hands around that pole

She licks those lips and off we go

She takes it off nice and slow

Because that's pornstar dancin'

Gray loves this song... not only for its literal lyrics bot also for the fact he has convinced himself its one long ass Blowjob analogy.

"Runnin" Adam Lambert

'Round and around I'd go, addicted to the numb

Living in the cold

The higher, the lower the down, down, down

Sick of being tired and sick of waiting

For another kind of fix

The damage is damning me down, down, down

Love this song... Speaks to me but at the same time it is one that im not sure who in my head reacts most. It just makes me happy.

"Save Yourself" My Darkest Days

You’re the perfect drug when it hurts like hell

I've never needed anyone so much

There’s no-one else I love and I curse myself

Cause the right thing is to give you up

I’m overcome by shame cause I can never change

And you can never understand my sickness

(I’ll never understand my sickness)

This is a Micheal. He is angry and violent and seeks pain on others... but there are people he cares about. He doesnt want to hurt them but he cant change what he is. So I try to keep him tempered with the lighter voices despite him being by far my strongest.

Bah i'm gonna stop here. Theres a few more songs on the list but they are mostly just because i really enjoy the sound of em. Ill put them in a quick list.

"I am Murloc" Elite Tauren Chieftain

"Bad Girlfriend" Theory of a Deadman

"Careless Whisper" Seether

"Chicken with a Train" Cowboy Troy

"Swing" Trace Adkins

"I dont Dance" High School Musical (Dont judge me!)

"Let it Go" Frozen (Dont you dare fucking Judge me lol)

#music #voices in my head #scream into the void

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noxitic-blog · 7 years

Text

Foundation

Some langst i thought up of

•Lance is jealous that Keith has Shiro , Pidge has Hunk , Coran has allura . He felt left out and unfit for the group . He truly left like a 7th wheel .

•Lance is still insecure and never had reassurance , so he thought it would be best to just leave and go back to earth .

•he thinks leaving would be the option since allura had taken over the blue lion . Plus he would be able to see his family again . (Though he doesnt really want to leave because the palladins are also his family)

•he decides to pack at night and he goes up To blue to say goodbye and tells her she will always be his lion and he goes to red and thanks her for accepting him and his voice starts to crack and ends up crying and he says take care of keith cause he can be hot headed

•He went inside his space pod and took one last sigh and remembered all the times he had with his friends . How he looked up to Shiro , How he will miss his bestfriends cooking , being a brother figure to Pidge while still looking for matt , becoming good friends with allura , seeing coran as his uncle and lastly , how now overcame the rival stage with keith and became close friends with him .

• He hesistates for a moment , but continues anyway . His last words were “ I know you guys can do it . Goodluck on defending the universe" and rides off into space .

•Next morning , they were to report to a meeting to discuss their next attack on lotor . Once all of them was there , they questioned the absence of Lance . They probably thought he overslept or totally forgot about the meeting , so they decided to go to his room . They knock on his door , but he there was no answer , so they all went inside . They looked around and he was no where to he found , but they saw a paper on his bed that says . “Im sorry I couldnt tell you any of this , but I left to go back to earth . I miss my family . I- I really appreciate the time we all had together and defending the universe with you guys” . P.S , Allura , take care of blue for me .

• 3 days has passed , Lance not knowing where he is , not knowing how many light years he is from earth . The silence of the space pod , was uncomfortable for him . He enjoyed hearing the laughter and the voices from his friends , feeling a tear form in his eyes he tells himself , “its okay , its okay he wipes his tears and says

• “dont regret any of this . Theyre better off without me ”

•His space pod is running out of fuel and hes also running out of supplies to eat . He had no option , but to go to the closest planet . Strangely enough it was the balmera planet .

•He landed safely in the balmera planet , he looked around to see the planet was lively and safe . He was shocked when he heard a girl say “hey , arent you hunks friend?” He turned around to see shay .

, he remembered her when they were fighting and protecting the balmera from getting destroyed . Also , Hunk wouldnt stop talking about her and how grateful he was to have met her . The boy was totally inlove with her . He smiled as memories flood in of him and hunk in the kitchen , while hunk was preparing to make a special meal , Lance was just sitting , staring at his bestfriend prepare the meal while , he talked about the love of life . He was talking about how Shay was a very nice person and hunk had such a soft look on his face while talking about her . and Lance just smiled at his bestfriend , glad that hes found someone he was fond of . He also questions if he , himself wil also find someone he can talk about so proudly and fondly of . Then Lance , remembered how Allura and Keith were getting closer and how bothered he was by it .

“I hate his stupid mullet so much “ Hunk turned around and gave Lance a weird look . “Are you talking about Keith ?” Lance nodded , it was him alright his rival per say , although they were getting closer to one another so we had no say of where their relationship stand was at the moment .

Hunk asked “do you actually hate him? “ Lance looked at Hunk weirdly , he was caught off guard with the question . Honestly , he never did , he never hated the guy . not at all . its quite the opposite , he respected him a lot due to his abilities , he was envious of him . he would never say this to Keiths face , but hes axtually glad to be his rival . His thoughts were interupted when Shay was waving a hand in front of him , asking him if hes alright .

“O-ohh What was that ? , sorry I was thinking about something” Lance sighed , hunk would be so jealous of him right now , he’d been dying to see Shay . Shay looked at lance with concern , but with a tint of curiosity , “Are the other palladins with you ? “ Shay was looking at Lance for an answer , Lance just looked at her , sweat dropped down his forehead . how was he going to explain all of this to her ? .

“Oo-oh no just me and my handsome self ✨” Lance tried to hide the the overcoming feeling of sadness and guilt with a smile . Shay noticed this a bit , but decided to nodd it off . “Oh I see , so what brings you here palladin?” . Lance was stuck in a turmoil , should he tell her ? Should he tell her hes just visiting ? It wouldnt be bad to tell her right? She had no way to contact Hunk so he wouldnt know and they wouldnt come looking for him . He needed to leave fast .

“Why would he leave us ? “ Hunk slid back on the couch , looking up at the ceiling , worried about what happened to his bestfriend , if hes okay , if the galrans captured him . A lot of negative thoughts circled his mind. He knew his bestie wouldnt just up and leave . He knew something was wrong . “well he did say in the letter , he missed his family , so thats what motivated him to leave “ Pidge replied as she was typing on her computer trying to get coordinates of Lotors where abouts . “I know that , but I think theres more to this than what we see “ Shiro replied as he walked back and forth across the room trying to think of ways to get a hold of Lance , also worried about his safety . Keith was silent throughout this , but his mind is jumbled of thoughts that occurred during the bedroom scene . Now recalling it , Lance did go to him , saying he would step down since he wasnt needed . They were getting closer or so he thought . Everytime he was getting closer to Lance , Lance goes farther away and Keithwas now angry . Lance didnt tell him anything about leaving . His head hurt . Did lance think he was useless to the team? Did he feel inferior ? His train of thoughts were interrupted when Hunk shot up from his slouch position , and screamed “ We have to go find him” everybody looked at Hunk , they knew he was serious . He was , Lances bestfriend afterall .

“But Lotor can be roaming around and we need to find him . We dont have time to look for Lance” Keith lashed out . Keith now regretting what he said , he was angry at Lance for leaving the group . . Just leaving a piece of letter behind and went on with his life . What about his duty as a palladin? He thought Lance was being selfish . His own selfishness will cause the group to be in disaray . He looked at Hunk and saw a painful look on Hunks face . Hunk sighed and replied . &ldquo ,no one stopped you when you tried to look for your brother (Shiro) , but you cant stop me when im looking for my bestfriend . If you guys arent coming with me , im going alone “ Hunk was determined to find Lance . He knew something was wrong , he knew Lance enough to know when he did something irrational , it was due to his inner turmoil . All that said he needed to go look for him .

“Um my space pod kind of ran out of gas , but Ill just stay here for a bit to rest and look for some supplies , if thats alright with you guys?“ nbsp;“ Lance looked at Shay for an answer just responded “"oh okay , please come, youre more than welcome , meet the other balmerians , we will be happy to help , since you saved us “ Lance was happy Shay was here . She was a calming person to be around , and also glad that theyre giving him hospitality . Also , he was all alone to a kind of new enviornment so , he wasnt fully relaxed yet .

Keith looked at Hunk and wanted to apologize , but was already walking away . Keith got up to catch up to Hunk , only to for the both of them to be stopped by Allura . “You guys just , please lets all calm down and talk this through , I know we are all sad about Lance , but we need to make a plan before actually going out to look for him ”

They both stopped in their tracks , surprised that Allura isnt going to tell them that we need to move on , just like she did with Shiro , but to come up with a plan to help look for him .

“I dont want him to end up alone , hurt and discomfort . I dont want him to go through what Shiro went through , so lets take precautions .” They all looked at Allura and smiled . Shiro went through a lot and went through more . She didnt want the same thing happening to Lance . She became good friends with Lance and she didnt want this friendship to tarnish . Moving on didnt help Shiro and the team . It made them mature yes , but the wound was still there .

Hunk started to walk back and Keith stopped him and apologized “Hunk , look , im sorry , I - it came out wrong and I didnt mean to say it that way ” Hunk also apologized for acting irrational “its okay buddy , and im sorry to , I just , I just worried about him . They gave each other weak smiles and walked back to the couch .

“Iv never seen Hunk so serious before , nice job keef ” Keith was about to retort , but only gave her a look . He wanted to keep his tempure on check , since backlashing isnt going to help anything . She snorted and continued to look up at her computer screen . she stopped looking for Lotors coordinates , but instead was looking for a way to locate Lances location . This was harder than she thought since they had no knowledge of what kind of Pod Lance used . Pidge didnt want to show that she was concerned about Lance , but in reality she really was . She was like his brother and now for him to walk out of her life like that felt like Matt was leaving her all over again . It hurted her . She didnt want to experience the pain all over again .

Shay led Lance to were a bunch of balmerans were . It looked to be a gathering of some sort . “Here lance have some food ” Lance took the food and gave it a weird look , questioning what it was , why did it look so pink and gooey , but Lance had no choice , since his stomach was practicaly screaming to be full .

“Lets do a little introduction , heres my family , thats my brother Rax , my grandmother Rena , my father rox , and my grandmmother Rilla” Lance bowed and pointed his gun fingers at them and greeted them . “Hey there the names , Lancey Lance , but you can call me handsome ✨” they all looked at him and gave a nervous laugh and sweat dropped. They didnt know how to react to such a behavor . Rena walked up to Lance and gently grabbed his arm , “youre more than welcome to be here , after saving us from such tragic . ” her smile was warm and big . Lance felt a gush of happiness , she reminded him of his Abuelita from back home . Her sweet singing , her good cooking , he- all of sudden tears start streaming from his eyes .

He really missed his mother hugs , his grandmothers hugs , the rain , the verardo beach , his little cousins , but he also missed playing on Pidges computer and using her headphones to listen to music , watching Hunk cook and charting with him about everything , training with Shiro , having small talks with Allura , helping coran clean the healing pods and Keith , he missed Keith , and His stupid mullet , he misses bickering with him . Everything was crashing down on him . He was so tired . He hated the feeling of not being of use to the team , he hated feeling like a hindurance to the team . Tired . Tired of everything . Tired of being away from both of his homes at the same time . His home at the castle of lions and his home art earth . Rena took Lances arm and asked if he was alright , Lance looked at her and he couldnt do it anymore , he hugged Rena , and poured out his heart . “Im so sorry” his voice cracked “im so selfish , im not a good friend , i-i Im so useless I hate mysel-” Rena hushed him and held him in her arms . Lance held on to Rena , he could feel his legs give out . They both fell on the floor , Lance still clutching onto Rena. Rena told the other balmerans to leave them be , except Shay .

Shay looking sympathetically towards Lance , wishing she could help him anyway possible . She wished Hunk was here to also help him . She sar next to Lance and Rena . The tears wouldnt stop , he wanted to go home , but he didnt know which home . With the palladins or with his earth family . A fee moments later Lance fell in a slumber sleep . Shay ruffled Lances hair and wiped tears away , she looked at Grandma Rena and asked , “Do you think Lance will be okay? ” Rena looked at Lance , she thought that poor guy looked like he was having a hard time with himself , but he looked a bit relaxed in his sleep . “Yeah he will be fine . He just needs time . “

Pidge pulled up a map of the galaxy “Okay so Lance shouldnt be that far from us , his space pod should only get him a atleast 2 if not three planets away from us ” Allura inserted , ” there are three possible planets that he went to since hes ran out of gas . First planet is Robus X , Ubio and lastly the Balmera Planet . . Hunk walked up to the map and closely looked up at the three planets . He examined them one by one . Robus X and Ubio was out of the list , he looked at the balmeran planet , he has a hunch he might be there . “you guys , I feel like Lance would be in the Balmera planet” Pidge looked at Hunk and grinned . Pidge went up to Hunk and lightly poked his stomach and teased him “ you just want to see your girlfriend ” . Allura , Shiro and Keith and Coran just looked at each other and shrugged . “No-no you guys , im being serious , I have a feeling hes there ” They all looked at him and remembered how Hunks hunches were somewhat accurate . And everybody decided they would put faith in Hunks hunch . Shiro walked up to Hunk and placed his hand on his shoulders and smiled at him . “ Okay Coran and Allura , lets go to the Balmera Planet “ Coran and Allura got into their position and opened up a black hole in front of them . A black hole that goes right into the Balmeran Planet .In everybodies head , they hope Hunk is right and that he is there and safe .

Opening his eyes was harder than he thought . He felt like his eyes were shut with glue . He was laying down on the floor a rock as a pillow , but somehow it felt really soft . Shay saw Lance shuffle on his sleep , and shook his shoulders a bit . “H-hey youre awake now , are you alright?” Lance looked up to see Shay , Smiling, but her eyes seemed so concerned about him . Lance got up and looked around the room to look for Rena . “Hey , im alright , thanks shay , by the way , wheres Rena?” Shay got up and grabbed a Cloth and put a bit if water on it and handed it to Lance . “Shes making us food at the moment , I wanted to help , but I wanted to tend to you ” Lance smiled and grabbed the cloth and wiped his face with it . He probably looks terrible from all that crying and sniffing . “Food is ready , im glad youre awake Lance ” Shay got up and helped Rena set up the table and food .

Lance felt so bad , he felt like hes been taking advantage of them , first he comes uninvited to their planet and take their supplies to embark on his journey to earth , where he literally has no idea which way it is, next He showed him how weak he was by crying infront of them and now he is being fed .This is too much . He is always recieving , but never giving back . He Couldnt stay here any longer , he needed to leave . He didnt want to inconvinence them any longer so Lance has decided . “Hey Rena and Shay thanks for everything , but youve done enough , I cant take anymore from you guys , thank you. I really need to get going Ladies” Lance gets up to leave only to be stopped by Rena

. “Please stay to eat , you need it ” He looked at Shay and Rena , eyes were pleading to stay with them , he was about to retort , but he sighed and gave in . Theyre too nice of a person to say no to . All of three started to walk towards the table and pick at their food . Lance looked at his food and back at both Shay and Rena . He was truly , thankful , for these two. They also reminded him of his sister and his grandma . Rena noticed Lance staring at her and smiled , “ Something the matter ? ” Lance looked away still a smile on his lips and tells them of how the three of them eating reminded him of his sister and grandma. “Ahh , I see , why dont you tell us more about your earth family ? ” Shay asked excitedly .

Lance realized he has only known these two for only in a short amount of time , but he didnt hesitate to tell them at all . It felt natural to tell them , natural to talk to them . Hes about to tell them his life story . Not that he wouldnt mind , its just that , it felt like hes been knowing them forever , Thats a good sign . Or a weak sign because he trusts too easily , but he knows deep in his heart , these people are too be trusted . “W-well , I have a big family at home . I have 3 little cousins , 2 brothers and 2 sisters , Im the oldest one and of course my grandma , my mother and my dad . ” Lance smiled as he remembers his hometown and his friends and his favorite beach in the world . The verardo beach . “Our family would always go to the beach , even when its cold . We are commitsd to Tuesday Beach Day . Lance laughed and continued ” I always look after my brothers and sisters at home while my parents where away from work. My mom is has a resturant and my dad helps with the cooking . Also , My mother gives the best hugs!!“ Lance remembers during his birthdays , his other siblings birthdays , relatives birthday , or any holiday . There would always be a lot of food . And a lot of people would come over friends and family . It would get crazy and loud , but fun. “My grandma , she also gives the best hugs , I cant say whose hugs i like more , but theyre both the best ” Lance paused to eat some of his food and continued “ My three cousins , are a big pain in the butt to take care of . Seriously they run around all over the place ! . One time they tied me up and put my hair in a pony tail !” Rena and Shay in unison laughed , Rena thought . Lance had such a vibrant and all around fun family . Of course , there will always be discourse here and there , but would it really be a family if there wasnt ? Rena stopped laughing and wiped the tear from her eyes “Your family must be really fun to be with , truly they do love and miss you .” Lance smiled turned into a frown he thought “ love and miss me huh? , I wonder if they do , I wonder if theyre looking for me and or even remotly remember me at all” lances train of thought interrupted when Rena asked

” so , what about your palladin family?“ Lance looked up to Rena and hesistated to answer for a sec , but proceeded . "W-well , um theres 7 of us . 2 beautiful ladies , Allura , shes really smart and shes an altean princess and super strong , youve met her before . Theres Pidge , shes a gremlin ,but shes my little sister kinda , shes tech savy and really smart . Theres Coran , hes like my uncle , he makes me help him clean the healing pods , I really found it boring at first , but now I have fun cleaning it with him since he now puts music . Theres Shiro , hes the man I look up to the most , hes a great leader and I aspire to be like him one day . Also , hunk , my best bud , my man , been knwoing that guy ever since , super humble , hes really smart and handsome . Anyone would be lucky enough to be his girlfriend. Lance glanced over at Shay and Shay looked away with tinted pink cheeks . He couldnt wait for Shay and Hunk to actually be together . They would give Lance cavity . Lance laughed , and continued . Last , but not least , ugh mullet guy . “This guy , him and his stupid mullet . I mean hes not a bad guy , but he ignored me when we went to garrisons together , but then he gets mad over me not remembering our “bonding moment” , and now he became my rival , well , not really anymore I think . Lance puts his spoon down and puts his hand under his chin and raised his eyebrows “ I mean , well . I dont think hes my rival anymore , I guess were friends now ? I mean , Hes a cool guy flying into asteroids and cool junk like that. So ,I dont hate him that much , well I dont hate him , I dont think I ever hated him . I guess I want to he friends with him , but I dont know , I think he hates m- Lance stopped when the room filled with Laughter from both Shay and Rena

. "I think you like this guy , I think youre mixing your feelings with hate and like and rivalry ” Lance looked at them with an unamused face with a tint of blush on his cheeks . “Who would like him? Anyway , I mean ” Lance remembers their bonding moment , (vividly) , when they held hands , when keith gave him the softest smile when he saved up from a flying sword , Keith smiling fondly at him when he made a joke about being the sharpshooter . Their backs touching one another when they were stuck on the elevator. Lances face was now a full on tomato, he turned to look away from the two of them. This is so embarrassing . “Stupid brain , stop THINKING ABOUT HIM , HIS MULLET , HIS FACE, HIS LIPS , WHY WOULD I LIKE HIM WE ALWAYS BICKER , HE HATES ME , BUT WE PROTECT EACH OTHER FROM HARM , I MEAN THATS WHAT EVERY COUPLE DO RIGHT?!?! WAIT WHY AM I COMPARING US TO A COUPLE? gaah STUPID BRAIN

"You have an amazing family Lance ” Lance now calm , looked at his plate and back at Rena . “yeah , theyre the best . I miss them ” Lance grabbed a spoonful and continued to eat . “ Why are you trying to leave your family? ”

as he was about to eat his food , he paused midair and slowly put the spoon down . “W-well , its , just that I feel that Im not good enough to be on the voltron team” Rena and Shay concerned about him. “so this is what was bothering the kid?” Rena thought . Both her and Shay got up from their seats and hugged Lance . Rena and Shay ruffled his brown hair . “Lancey , my boy , Sometimes the world feels like its against us , sometimes its not the world , its our ourselves that we are fighting ” Lance listened contently . Shay continue “you know , Lance , when I have a problem , usually I can fix it myself , but if Im not able to . I have my friends and family . If they have a problem , I would also give them a helping hand because thats what friends and family do . You dont have to always shoulder your burdens , you have plenty of shoulders to lean on . If you dont have a shoulder to lean on you can have arms ” Both Rena and Shay wrap their arms around his shoulders .

"A strong foundation that can keep you up from falling down” Lance was shocked , he never felt so much love in this while , he starts to grab both of their arms and hug them . Tears streaming down his facewhile continuously saying “thank you guys so much ”. This moment , was a moment Lance , will truly forever cherish . He was so grateful to have met these two . It felt like he had just made another family , He showed them his beautiful and darkside and they embraced it . They embraced him . They accepted him and helped him even when he was just a stranger who just landed on their planet for resources . Their hospitality and love that was graced upon him and honestly he felt like he didnt deserve it ,but accepted it whole heartedly . Rena and Shay felt happy for Lance to be able to pour out his feelings , though they werent sure , if his self doubts would continue , but he would know now himself that people care about him . All three of them crying and hugging each other was interrupted when they heard a loud sound coming from outside . All of them , looked at each other , wipping each others tears and looked outside to see what was all the commotion

. Lance shocked to see the ship , he also questioned how they were able to track him down , but then he remembered they had Hunk and In the team , so it wasnt that impossible to do so . But He was now feeling guilty and selfish and useless all over again . He now burdened the team more by making them waste their time trying to locate him , when instead should be focusing on locating Lotor and find out about his plans . Everyone gathered to see a small space pod landing . The door opened , Revealing the palladins and the princess . Shay looked over and saw Hunk , she was quite nervous , but happy so see him . Shay started to run towards the crowd and waved at Hunk . They both run towards each other and hug one another .

Hunk was now blushing furiously , unable to speak the words he wanted to speak “ H-hey Shay ! Lon-ng time no see ! ” Shay laughed at his stuttering and smiled at him , “ its good to see you again” The palladins caught up to hunk and shay . Shay saw the others coming up behind Hunk . Shay walked up to allura and greeted her . “ Princess Allura and palladins its good to see you guys again , how can he help you?” “Our friend has gone missing and we were wondering if you had seen him? ” Keith nervously looking around and hoping to see Lance , but there was no sign of him at all . Maybe he wasnt in this planet , maybe they were wasting all this time that he was at another planet . Wasting time when they could help him he was out there stranded or wounded “Are you refering to Lance? ” Keiths train of thoughts stopped as he heard Lances name . He was here? Where is he ? Keith started to look around at the people .

Rena and Lance looked at the crowd gathering around the palladins . Lance was super anxious to approach them , he had no way out now . He needed to apologize to them for burdening them . Rena looked up at Lance and placed a hand behind his back. And looked back at the crowd . “you dont have to yet go my son , but I know youre itching to see them again” Rena turned to Lance again finding him in a turmoil . Lance didnt have a choice , they were already here so might as well go with him and explain to them whats happening with him . Talking to Rena and Shay really helped and cleared his mind a bit . Lance hugged Rena “ Granny Rena , thank you for everything” and walked off to see the palladins . He was nervous , what if they kill him?well thats not really possible . But what if they hate him now? What if theyre just here so they could tell him theyre glad to leave him behind ? Either way he/ prepared with anything theyre going to say towards him .

"Hes here? Allura asked and Shay nodded . Every one was shocked and happy to find out that hes landed here . Hunk sighed in relief and questioned “so where is- “Im here” Lance answered he had his other hand on his neck . Rubbing it back and fourth and the other hand on his pocket trying to look for something to pick at .

Everyone turned and looked at Lance , they saw that he had red puffy eyes , ragged clothes and looked like he hasnt been eating or sleeping in months . Pidge , Allura , Coran and Hunk start to run towards him and hug him tightly . Lance wasnt expecting that at all . He expected to be reprimanded at . Expected to be hated . His thoughts were stopped when all of them started screaming in unison .

“MY BESTFRIEND HOW COULD YOU , WHO WAS I GOING TO NOW WHEN I MAKE EVERYONE FOOD ?!?! ” Hunk sobbed , he was grateful Lance was safe . He wouldnt be able to live if his bestfriend was harmed and or dead . “I HATE YOU - I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BE LIKE MATT AGAIN , DONT DO THIS AGAIN OR I WONT LET YOU USE MY HEADPHONES TO LISTEN TO SHAKIRA !! “ Pidge hugged Lances waist tightly . She was glad that Lance was safe , but she now haded to reprimand him later , if he ever decides to leave again , no shakira or laptop for a month . Coran screaming , “MY SONNNNN , MY SONNN YOU ARE SAFE , I FELT LONELY CLEANING THE PODS MYSELf ” Coran clinging on to his feet . Coran has lost many people in his life . Thr first gen Palladins . He didnt want to lose the other . He was glad he was safe . Shiro placed a hand on Lances shoulder and smiled at him “ Im glad youre safe ” . Shiro was reliefed that Lance wasnt captred by the galra . He was in good care and thats all that mattered . Allura hugged lances back “ YOU DARE LEAVE US ,HOW COULD YOU I FELT BETRAYED , I WAS WORRIED WE WOULDNT SEE YOU AGAIN ” Allura cried . She was began to start a new friendship with Lance and for Lance to be gone wouldve left a wound on her .

Keith was in the back watching the commotion , he sighed contently . He was glad that Lance was okay , but still a bit mad for leaving them . Keith decided to walk up slowly to them . “H-ey , we’re glad to have our sharpshooter back. ” Keith blushed and looked away , he didnt know what say at the time other than that .maybe saying welcome back couldve been better ? .

Everybody was now looking at Lance and Keith . Keith was embarrased to look back at Lance , but he looked anyway to see Lances reaction . Both starring at one another . Lance looked like a riped tomato . He can barely hold himself to say something . Now everybody was interested to see where this was going . “W-why are you blushing mullet?!?!” “I SHOULD BE ASKING you that , why are you blushing?!!” Keith was now embarrsed . He wished the ground undrr him would open up and swallow him . He decided that he would walk away and walk back small space pod . “Keith wait , I wanted to talk with you and everybody” Keith stopped and looked back at Lance and started walking back towards him . He remembers that he still hasnt told them the reason why he actually really left . He left them hanging , with an excuse at that . Its understandable that youd want to see your family again , but it still didnt add up , knowing Lance , he wasnt a selfish person , not at all . There was much more than "I just want to see my family”

Everybody stopped clinging on to Lance and was now facing him , waiting for an explaination . Lance took a deep breathe and told himself its okay you can do this . You can tell them . Just be yourself and tell them . After all , theyre your family . You 2 new families . The palladins and Shay and Rena.

“I-im sorry , for being a burden again , I-” Dang it , Lance thought the tears are forming again and he still havent even gotten far into his explaination yet . Everybody looked at Lance , sending worried looks on his way . Shay and Rena walked over to Lance and gave him a patt on the back . He looked at both of them and he nodded . He breathed in and out and continued “I-I left because I thought that ……I was … I-I felt like a burden to the team . A useless weight …….. Allura has the blue lion , S-Shiro was back so he was going to take Black from Keith and Keith would want his Red back , why should I be there ? I dont have a purpose anymore …. I think. I think everybodies inferior to me , Pidge is smart , Hunk is also smart , Shiro is a leader , Allura was powerful , Coran also had knowledge and Keith , Keith I , I also admired you . I- I just I was just I just - I just felt miserable being around with people whos abilities are off the charts , but now thinking about it and thinking about thr times I-I had with the team “ Lance stopped , his breathing patterns were off and the tears in his eyes were getting heavier . "I- I felt more miserable when I left you guys ” Lance cradled himself and crying . Everybody shocked and tears filled their eyes . They went up to Lance and hugged him . “Lance , the lion switch was temporary , dont worry about it . Youre not a burden to the team . Not at all . Youre far from that . We became good friends now , you always have my back , im super thankful for you . ” Allura assured Lance . Hunk pulled lance in a crushing hug and screamed “ Why would you think that? You saved us plenty of times ! Youre my bestfriend , I know we always joke around , but really youre important to us !! I dont like seeing you hurt buudddy ” Hunk safely Landed Lance down And Pidge started hugged Lance again in the waist “ I never thought you were a burden , i think youre a great friend Lance , thank you for being a good substitute brother” Lance cried more loudly , this was it , this was what he needed . Reassurance from the team . Ressurance that he was needed and loved by his teammates or better yet , his family . Lance pulled Hunk , Pidge and Allura in a tight embrace . Shiro walks up and patts him in the head , Lance looks up at Shiro and smiles “we never once thought you were a burden ,not at all . Youre a great sharpshooter Lance . Youre always improving and honestly you improved the most so far . ” Shiro got a bit teary eyed . Lance was like his brother to him , (well maybe brother in law in the future if things work out between him and keith) Coran interjected “ NOOOO MY SON , MY GORGEROUS SON , NEVER THINK NEGATIVELY ABOUT YOUR SELFFFF ” Coran lifted his hand up to Lances hair and ruffled them . "You make all of us proud my son ”

Keith was watching his teammates sob and cradle Lance . He wouldve been lying if he said he didnt want to , but he wasnt to keen in showing public diplay of affection . He walked up to them slowly . Hunk , Shiro , Pidge , Allura and Coran stop hugging Lance and looked at Keith coming up towards them . They all looked at each other and smiled and walked away from Lance . Lance was now confused , was Keith going to punch him? Yell at him? What what?

Keith walks up to Lance pulls on the hem of his shirt and places his forehead against his. Everybody was shocked by this . Pidge took out her made shift phone and started taking pictures . The picture was quite perfect with greenish lighting , but also sun arraying on them . The other palladins saying sighing contently saying finally . Keith sighed and looked at where he is gripping Lances shirt “I-im not good with words , but next time you have a problem , come to me , dont go far away from me , come and i-ill open my arms wide for you to hug .” Keith looks up at Lance for an answer and they both felt liked the world stopped when theyre eyes met . They were inches apart . Inches from closing the gap between them .

Everybody was starring at them intensely while , Keith and Lance starred at each other for a while blushing madly . Keith was getting embarrassed and weird stares that peope are giving them . Also to his weird little speech towards Lance . Keith lets go of Lances shirt and turns the other way “A-anyway thats all . lets go home” All of sudden , everybody was screaming sounding dissapointed “NO KISSS?!?!” Keith and Lance now frozen in their place . Lance looked like he was about to pass out , while keith looked like he was about to kill everybody .

But all in all , Lance is happy , he didnt know they cared about him this much . Or probably they did care about him a lot , but couldnt see through it due to his negative thoughts and fears . Tears streaming down his face again , truly he was fighting himself , not the world . He realized these people actually care about him . He was needed . He was loved .It was him that needed to overcome his insecurity fears and doubts . Although , it wont be easy to overcome , but truly he has wonderful people to help him overcome it . He also made a new family . Reana and Shay , he cant wait to meet up with them And his fanily back at earth after he finishes saving the world . He truly , is blessed and glad he had wonderful people in his life . Rena and Shay opened up his eyes and made him realize that he was worth more than he thought he was .

He now can finally , truly and contently say , the palladins , shay and rena and his family back at earth , are his foundation . ❣️

The end 💙❤️

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