#i cant take classes that dont go toward my degree

[strawberri-syrup]

i am in a Predicament < balancing financial aid with how my concentration works

[petewentzisblack1312]

question coming from also a third world supremacist (i think?) figuring out political ideology: how did you form yours?? i think i remember you saying you used to go off of empathy before forming a more solid worldview and i'd wanna know how to start that. apologies if i'm completely off base and you didn't say that in that case it's just nice to follow someone who's not from a first world country thank you for that

sorry this is quite meandering. i dont have a clear cut answer of a specific turning point, its just been a journey of learning ive been on as ive come of age. as for how to go about doing it yourself, id say to stay curious, but also stay skeptical. learn about the patterns that repeat in history- the way outsiders are blamed for problems, the way the world tends towards complicated answers, the fact that things are more often implicit than intentional- and be wary of them when you are confronted with an answer. remember that 'common sense' is not an edict passed on by god, its the culmination of a lot of decisions, some made with ulterior moments, so interrogate who benefits from you believing certain things that 'everyone knows'. and try to get some bearing on the theory behind certain philosophies and modes of thought. it could be a video essay, if you just need to get your foot in the door. my mentor is wary of documentaries and video essays because he thinks they can lie to you easily, but a book can do that too, especially if you think it cant! still, the audiovisual language is very easy to take at face value, and its more difficult to assess the legitimacy of a youtube video or documentary than it is with a book thats been cited by other authors a lot.

anyway, my own journey. i did in fact say my ideology is founded on empathy first and foremost. i was already pretty left leaning (but without a framework, just very 'live and let live') at that point but one of my teachers in secondary school (who ive known since my sister went to that same secondary school over 10 years prior) (hes the guy i call math dad occasionally) used the times allotted for christian education and christian family life education which were basically free periods during which were supervised by our homeroom teachers (though its not really supposed to be that) to teach the basics of anarchist philosophy (like what can or should be considered violence) to our class, and i was really engaged in that framework. there were only two people in the class who were interested in that myself included so he eventually stopped but hes always been something of a guide to my beliefs, and this introduced me to anarchism as a philosophy.

i have to say what radicalized me beyond just my love of my fellow human was curiosity. i wanted to know why the caribbean is poor. i wanted to know why certain people are mistreated. i wanted to understand racism. and it was a gradual process for me but eventually i learned that pretty much all real bigotries are systemic, but i didnt fully understand why those systems were in place until i started to understand the 'flaws' inherent to capitalism, or rather, the way its supposed to work. all these systemic injustices are in service of capitalism.

i was still quite imperial centric until fairly recently in my life though, id say like the past 5-7 years ive become more and more critical of modern empire and more disillusioned with its manifestation worldwide and as you might imagine especially in the caribbean. i hate tourism now, while it tends to be something both major parties invest in to some degree (its the liberal position). while im a little less superficially patriotic than the average st lucian, im very invested in our politics, though i find it difficult to navigate as a lay person for a myriad of reasons that frustrate me. as much as i have opinions on politics and policy, im not an economist or political scientist or commentator and have auditory processing issues that make it just hard enough to sit and watch parliamentary debates and things like that that i dont.

i would be remiss if i didnt shoutout the tumblr community for also informing my politics. ive been introduced to all sorts of people and all sorts of problems and all sorts of ideas by being on this website for as long as i have, and listening and learning and looking into things myself.

[qumiiiquinnquin]

im scared to tell my psychiatrist i tried to end myself twice within a month (sep-oct). i dont know why i am. i have to call the office myself since im an adult now, but im really scared making phonecalls. i have to do it because its been since april that ive seen my psychiatrist but i have to do it. i dont know when ill do it, im too scared. that fear frustrates my family a lot. i feel like im already a failure of an adult and will continue to be like that forever.

today was mostly good, just uneventful until this evening. but now im feeling depressed and i want to cry until i cant anymore, but i cant cry, so i just feel bad. i dont feel tired so i dont want to sleep, but its almost midnight so i should soon. im feeling stressed out about needing to call the psychiatrist's office, so i dont feel like i can relax at all.

ive just been feeling bad a lot lately but thats not new, i say think that to myself every other week or so. whats making me sad the most right now is hating my art. i dont have any confidence in my art but i want to get better, but i dont think i ever will. i will always have mediocre talent, no matter how hard i try. i keep thinking about burning my physical art and either deleting my digital art or just even destroying my laptop, though the latter is very excessive, but i still think about it every now and then out of frustration. i want to give up but i really dont know what else id do, ive always drawn since i was very little, its always made me happy. i really want to not care how upset stopping would make people, including myself, but if i dont stop out of just purely giving up, i probably will stop because i k!lled myself.

every day is feeling the same, it even felt that way when classes were still going. i got so used to the schedule that i got used to the systematic cycle. i partially dont want classes to start again because of that, its boring and the amount of work is stressful, im just going to go back to breaking down and nearly attempting from stress and lack of confidence that i can really do this, that i can really power through and get the degree i want. i keep getting told im smart and always work hard, but that really doesnt mean anything now. being and doing those things doesnt suddenly mean that because of those things, ill survive the stress. it only actually makes it worse, like im ridiculous for feeling the pressure and have the mental health collapses that i do because of college, that im not trying hard enough and am lazy.

for some reason the desire for love has been on my mind and i dont know why, youve seen the pathetic longing things i say about romance. right now i feel like i am missing out and am a failure by societal standards for not even have dated in my life, and i still dont have a partner at 18 years old. i feel extremely lonely to the point that seeing other couples makes me depressed, which is probably selfish of me. i feel like and believe now that i will always be alone. i know i am not beautiful to anyone, i know i am not funny, i am not interesting, im a pain in the ass, im too much to deal with and am just unlovable in general. i hate feeling this way, i never cared about romance or relationships and have always been repulsed at the idea of me ever being loved romantically or being in a relationship. i feel stupid. i feel like a jerk. i feel like i deserve to be alone forever, and i really do. or maybe, just end myself, if im so unlovable in every way, then why not just weed myself out? whoever takes my place will be much more worth it than i ever could be. its so stupid thinking about myself d*ing from a broken heart. "just grow up, sad excuse of a grown adult." (in quotes because its a direct thought to myself towards myself, nobody else)

i really doubt everything will get better, ive felt this same exact way for 3 years now. sad, burntout, stressed, like im nothing but a problem for my family, a burden and waste of time to be around or talk to or care about. i did attempt once in 2021 but failed, obviously im still alive. i really want to try again. im really scared of pain, so im trying to find the quickest way or the least painful option. if i just call, i can get different meds or a different dosage and i wont feel this terrible. im so childish for an adult to be unable to make a fucking phonecall. i feel like next year might be it, im not sure why i get that feeling, but i dont have any reason to keep going. im not looking forward to anything. nothing is really that fun or exciting, i just try to distract myself. i know im not wanted, and im too difficult for my family.

its now a half hour after midnight because im incapable of shutting the fuck up. i might just lay down and watch youtube or cry myself to sleep, whichever happens first

[zeroroheichou]

i feel like a disappointment im sorry please dont be disappointed in me

i spent years in high school trying so hard to maintain a 4.0 gpa and taking AP classes because i thought it would help me in college

i spent four years in college trying so hard to maintain as high of a GPA as i could and being in the honors college and graduating summa cum laude and killing myself worrying about my grades and assignments and getting an internship when i should have been trying to enjoy my time at least a bit more, especially during my study abroad which was fun going to another country but the whole experience is inherently tainted with the thought of "i wish i hadnt spent so much time worrying about my classes and grades"

and then i figured out i wanted to work in a museum which pretty much requires a masters degree. so then i spent two more years stressed out with readings i could never keep up with and pulling so many all nighters and fighting what is probably adhd and "oh its 1 am and im tired but i havent gotten enough done that i want or need to get done, so im going to nap for a few hours and then wake up and do more because i cant go to bed until ive gotten more done because if i go to bed with another day where i got barely anything done then ill feel like a failure" and spent so much time stressing over my classes and TA work and my tthesis but i thought as long as i could get through grad school at least i would be doing what i loved and it would all be worth it

and now its been 13 months since i graduated with my masters degree and ive applied to over 75 museum jobs and have gotten 8 interviews and none of them have stuck and its been over three months since my last museum interview

and now its been 13 months since i graduated with my masters degree and ive applied to over 20 retail jobs, because i need to start earning some money again until i get the museum job that i spent so much time working towards, and have gotten 6 interview offers and none of them have stuck

what did i spend so much time and money and energy and tears and stress worrying about? what am i doing what did i do pulling so many all nighters and stressing about my grades to get my masters degree in a field im genuinely passionate about when i cant even get a job at the shoe store at the mall let alone a museum? i feel like a failure i feel like im rotting i feel even worse typing this up the longer it goes on but i needed to get the words out of my head

im underqualified still for the jobs i want and im overqualified for the jobs i need and all i can keep doing is keep trying, keep meeting people, keep networking, keep volunteering at the museums which you wouldnt even need your degree to do, keep trying keep fucking trying keep fucking trying and and and im so fucking tired

[orcelito]

I keep getting emails about school but I haven’t even finished my covid test lol. I still need to pay tuition and confirm my enrollment and also do the Uh. Health and wellness training? Which I guess is gonna b them being like “don’t b stupid” even tho opening up campus for in person classes is Incredibly Fucking Stupid buuuuut who am I to oppose the school :)

[baangtan]

😷

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Logan's Birthday (1/7)

-------------------------

Logan was a smart man, he always had been, top of his class since he was little. But being smart only got you so far, there always came a time when you just werent smart enough.

For Logan, that time was adulthood. So many years worth of studying, gone at the slightest notion that someone else was- better. And of course, Logan knew exactly what made his competitors better, but saying it out loud, that was paramount to insulting the company.

So here he was, twenty-two years of age and stuck in an apartment, sifting through job applications and bills, as if he'd ever have enough to pay them off.

"Oh yes Logan go on take only honors and AP classes for the rest of your life, I'm sure it'll all turn out fine," Logan muttered bitterly.

He let out a groan of annoyance as the tv flickered through one of his least favorite commercials.

He'd always despised fashion and makeup companies, but the Kingsley company was another story on it's own. He couldnt explain it, for all he knew it was some odd combination of self hatred and toxic societal expectations, he just couldn't stand those twins, with their overly wide smiles and stupid overzealous compliments. But of course, most other people bought it. So Logan always assumed there was something wrong with him.

Eventually Logan finished with the papers, setting them aside and walking to the kitchen.

"Like anyone would pay thirty bucks for a makeup set that's going to fall apart two days afterward," Logan muttered, glaring at the tv. He walked over to the coffee machine and got started on his fourth cup for that day. It wasnt healthy, Logan knew that, he'd done an entire report on it in sixth grade, but it was the only way he could seem to stay up without having a breakdown.

Logan looked over at his to-do list for that day, he never seemed to finish them, so he had no idea why he bothered. He checked off the section labelled "bills and applications" before walking back to the coffee machine and picking up the mug. He watched the sunrise outside the window, he always liked sunrises more in the colder months, they were much brighter.

Logan finished his coffee and set the cup in the sink, checking his watch. His mother had set up a job interview for him, but all she'd given him was an address and a time, he certainly didnt want to be late. He walked to his closet and pulled out a blue sweater, black vest, black pants, and dress shoes.

"5629, Ridgeport Avenue, should be interesting," Logan muttered as he fixed his tie. He'd never exactly liked Ridgeport, it was a rich people and idiots thinking they could make it big on stupid ideas.

But what awaited Logan when he reached the location was far worse than what he was expecting.

"Mother I told you I dont want anything to do with this company!" Logan hissed over the phone, currently hiding out in the bathroom, he may have hated the Kingsley company, but he wasmt stupid enough to insult them where someone might hear.

"Its good pay! You can suck up your pride for once in your life cant you?" His mother replied.

"Me, a secretary for those- those-" Logan couldnt seem to find the right words for it, all he cod think was 'Ew' and 'Not in a million years'.

"I'll call you back after the interview," Logan said, hanging up and stuffing the phone back in his pocket. He fixed his hair in the mirror before rushing back out, after all, he did have a meeting in thirty minutes.

"Logan Sanders," The intercom sounded, the voice of Remus Kingsley flooded the room. Logan felt his stomach lurch as he stood up. He trudged down the hall, fiddling with his tie. He finally reached the door to Remus' office, and knocked twice.

"I'm not naked if that's what you're thinking," Logan held back the urge to vomit as he processed the sentence, and then he opened the door.

Remus Kingsley was a tall man, with a white striped birthmark in his hair, and a mustache that gave him the impression of a man who'd gorged himself on mud. His clothes didnt help much, a ripped jacket paired with a green shirt and twice as torn black jeans, his feet were even propped up on the desk for gods sakes.

"I'm here for the secretary position," Logan said as he closed the door.

"Well secretaries arent supposed to stand are they?" Remus said, moving his feet and gesturing toward the chair in front of the desk. Logan took a seat and finally let go of his tie.

"So what sparked your interest in the position?" Remus said, very obviously reading off notecards.

Logan bit back the urge to say 'brute force and a ransom note'.

"I've seen a lot of your commercials, the name was recognizable," Logan said.

"Oh so you've heard of us?" Remus said, now checking his nails. Logan was getting more annoyed by the minute.

"Yes, I have," Logan replied, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from growling.

"Great! You're hired! You can start tomorrow," Remus said with a grin, Logan noticed he was missing one of his front teeth. He slid a sheet of paper across the desk, Logan looked it over and pocketed it before getting up.

"Very well, I suppose I'll see you tomorrow," Logan said as he walked out.

"I could get used to seeing that face every day," Remus said, Logan felt his face heat up slightly, though he could scarcely tell if it was from rage, or from something else. He merely nodded and closed the door behind him on his way out, rushing through the lobby and out into the streets of Ridgeport.

"This is it- my life is over, this is how I die," Logan had decided to meet up for coffee with his friend Remy, and the conversation had turned very quickly to Remus' comment at the end of the meeting.

"I mean it could be worse, at least you're both in the same age-range," Remy replied, taking a sip from his iced coffee.

"I dont know how you're drinking that when its 27 degrees out," Logan said with a laugh.

"Nothing will ever be as cold as my heart," Remy said, grinning.

"Oh? Cold-hearted are we? Then please, do tell me where all those photos of Emile huddled up under your arm with his head buried in your chest came from,"Logan said sarcastically.

"Oh Em, the only person warm enough to melt my poor icy cold heart," Remy said, bringing a hand to his forehead and falling back slightly.

"Gods you're so cheesy," Logan said, rolling his eyes.

"You're just mad because you dont have a queerplatonic partner to give you forehead kisses every night before you go to sleep," Remy said.

"I dont need a partner of any kind, I'm fine on my own," Logan replied.

"Sure you are bud, sure you are," Remy said.

And that stuck with Logan the rest of the week. He had a lot more interactions with Remus than he'd expected to, sometimes they felt- planned. But Logan could swear up and down he was imagining things, there was no way someone as influential, nor as self-absorbed, as a Kingsley would've spared him a second glance.

And he carried this thought process with him, that is, until he found a letter on his desk. A letter, inviting him to the company Christmas party, from Remus.

"Did you get my letter?" Remus leaned on Logan's desk, that same grin he always wore plastered on his face.

"Yes, though I dont think you specified the office you want it delivered to?" Logan replied.

"Oh! My bad, I think it was right abooouuuuttt- here," Remus pressed a finger to Logan's nose, Logan tensed slightly, his cheeks flushed red.

"You turn a very pretty red when you're nervous," Remus purred, resting his head on his arms, which were now crossed over Logan's desk wall.

"I-" Logan wasnt sure what to say, here was all the evidence, right in front of his face, and yet he still didnt dare believe it.

And he didnt believe it, not until the day of the Christmas party, where he arrived in a limousine, hand in hand with the man, to a cruise ship of all places, wearing, for the first time in his life, a stunning midnight blue dress, that made him feel like he was worth a glance.

Though of course, no amount of party dresses could top that which he wore on his wedding night, a floor length gown of Remus' own design, studded with pearls and sequins, reflecting blue lights everywhere he walked.

"Remember how I said I wouldnt mind seeing a face like yours every day?" Remus said, smiling as he moved Logan's veil.

"Well, you wont have to worry about that now, will you?" Logan said, smiling, and he relished in the kiss that Remus placed on his lips, Remus' arm pulling Logan closer and closer by the waist, until the space between them was so thin that they were almost attached.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@thefivecalls

@willowaudreykeyes

@pricklyfish777

@the-sad-strawberry

@private-snippers

@extercs-experiences

@theonetruebeepboop

@mycatshuman

@teamplutoforlife

@melodiread

@meowthefluffy

@frawkeye

@cemmy

@nerosdayinhell

@thecolorfulolive

@frog-candy-bee

[lady-charinette]

Adrien Agreste =/= Sociopath - About Adrien Salt

I've seen a lot of posts going around about Adrien being a sociopath or the other (harasser, abuser...etc.)

What I find most of those posts lacking is looking at the big picture, or just zeroing in on certain moments of the show and even disregarding the context of those selected moments to unfairly rule judgement on a child (in canon) no less.

Definition of sociopath: A sociopath is a term used to describe someone who has antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). People with ASPD can’t understand others’ feelings. They’ll often break rules or make impulsive decisions without feeling guilty for the harm they cause.

People with ASPD may also use “mind games” to control friends, family members, co-workers, and even strangers. They may also be perceived as charismatic or charming.

We have to analyze the context and the surroundings Adrien is in.

Family, social life, relationships (platonic and romantic), personality, age, environment...etc.

Family:

We know Adrien has a father who is controlling, preferring to micro-manage every aspect of his son's life to continue to have a semblance of control at all times. We assume (heavily implied in the show), that his mother was kind, warm and emotional (whether that emotional is the "out-there" kind her twin sister has, it remains to be seen.)

According to a snippet from "Simon Says", Adrien also has "Quite a temper, you remind me of someone" according to Gabriel's own words, we can assume the "someone" is Emilie, Gabriel says this when Chat Noir refused to follow his orders and told him to basically "get off his high horse". In this context, anyone who defies Gabriel in such a way would either be branded as "disobedient" or to "have quite a temper".

According to Adrien himself in "Adrien's Double Life" (from Miraculous Secrets) he describes being Chat Noir as "...I can finally do whatever I want to do, say whatever comes to mind." He doesnt feel as restricted and controlled since that's the one aspect of his life his father has no knowledge of.

Social life:

Adrien has had no or very little interaction with peers.

Evidence: Chloe being his childhood friend. Felix commenting on Chloe's appearance in the video she sent for Adrien's birthday, saying "Chloe. Just as annoying as usual." suggests he knows her from before, maybe even as early on as their childhood days.

This makes Felix and Chloe the only kids, of spoiled and rich background, with whom Adrien interacted.

Felix is shown to be good at manipulating people and keeping up appearances (potentially connected to insecurities within the family? Not confirmed), Chloe is openly mean and bullies others (with underlying insecurities also connected to her parents).

The only positive adult (if Gorilla isn't as involved and Nathalie had been solely Gabriel's secretary and not Adrien's caretaker since there was Emilie) in Adrien's life would be his mother, who also fell into a coma during Adrien's formative years (and still during a time where he's figuring himself and his emotions out: puberty), leaving him with his father.

Moving on, even if the writer's sometimes may not always successfully show Adrien being awkward in social interactions, it doesnt mean they dont exist.

This interaction between him and Marinette, asking for her autograph, very formal in his question, awkward in posture:

He's picked up on some speech patterns from his frequent interactions with Nino ("dude", "Hey man." "Totally dude.") showing he's, like many people, mimicking his friend's behavior and speech to grow more favorably in their eyes.

The same pattern can be observed with Gabriel and Adrien: Adrien adopts his father's formal speech whenever talking to him, since that appeases him.

Adrien has had very limited friendly interactions with his peers, romantic interactions are basically non-existent. The scenes where Adrien is being chased by his fans, who obsessively adore him, cant be linked to Adrien experiencing healthy romantic contact (Lila doesn't count since she only uses Adrien to further her goals). Marinette doesn't count since Adrien's isn't even aware of her romantic feelings for him. (Again, difficulties picking up social cues due to only ever being homeschooled > limited social contact with peers)

So no, in my humble opinion, Adrien sometimes doesn't understand other people's feelings not because he's a sociopath, but because he's an awkward kid with very little experience about making friends and having healthy relationships with them.

Relationships:

Let's be direct here: Gabriel is an abusive as*hole.

If the writer's wanted to show Gabriel struggling or having remorse for his actions being Hawkmoth and putting his son through danger, well... They blew it. "Gorizilla" was a 5 second reaction of Hawkmoth showing concern after letting Adrien fall from a skyscraper. Applause. After that? Not much.

Nathalie: Adrien likes, she takes care of him, his schedule, was the one to convince Gabriel to let him attend public school. There are moments in the show where she softens up towards Adrien, but always carries that air of professionalism on her to (possibly, assumption) not grow too close. Gorilla is...Gorilla, but at least the man tries with his nonverbal support and affectionate grunts. Lol.

Gabriel: He loves his father. It's his parent, after all. However, Adrien's reactions to him are vastly different than to how he reacts when thinking of his mother. He shows signs of fear (tensing up, growing obedient...etc.), he excuses his father's excessive controlling tendencies to just be "he's just worried about me", "that's the way he always was", "father cares and protects me". Adrien shows to be frequently disappointed with Gabriel, one of the first scenes being that Gabriel couldn't attend parent's day at school, Adrien was talking on the phone alone in the school hallway. He was genuinely surprised by the blue scarf his father gifted him (not knowing it was Marinette), since all he used to get were pens (again, not even from Gabriel, but Nathalie). This is my assumption but: Adrien has previously begged his father to go outside more or attend public school, but this time it worked only because Nathalie managed to convince him.

Friends from school: Nino is his best friend, Adrien seems to be good friends with Alya too, basically everyone in class, with varying degrees of closeness. Chloe is a childhood friend whom Adrien is fond of but also grows exasperated with and corrects her behavior if she's too harsh.

Marinette: likes and respects her, but can't read her well or at least when he thinks he's got her figured out, she claims the opposite. Marinette has been sending mixed signals, on one hand even making Adrien believe (and fear) they weren't friends. "Chat Blanc" contrary to popular belief, showed that Adrien is delighted at the prospect of Marinette being Ladybug (he'd severe doubts when Chloe or anyone else was brought up as a possible option).

Kagami: likes her, respects her, admires her fencing skills, learned to have fun hanging out with her and playing as kids usually do since she also has a controlling parent and they both know some ways/tricks around their boundaries to sneak off and meet their friends. Adrien and Kagami have similarities in that respect, Gabriel pushing Adrien to be a model, Mrs. Tsurugi pushing Kagami to be a master fencer.

Lila: At first defended her, was friendly towards her since she was a new student from overseas he sympathized because surely it would be lonely? The new girl would need a friend who supported her through all this things that were new for him too. However, as soon as he caught wind of Lila's schemes, he changes his tune. He feels uncomfortable around her overstepping his boundaries, expresses anger when Lila accused Marinette of crimes she didn't commit and even makes a deal with her to not bother Marinette again (but use him instead, doing photoshoots together...etc.) to keep her safe.

Age:

A 14-15 year old, having lost his mother, the only positive, healthy relationship in his life. Surrounded by a controlling father, not much free time, many extracurricular activities and being a superhero alongside Ladybug.

Some of the signs of being a sociopath include: Breaking rules and being impulsive.... Didn't Ladybug do those too?

Breaking the rules: (since LB and Marinette are the same) stealing phones, sneaking into places where she shouldn't, using the miraculous for personal gain (latest example: getting Kagami away from Adrien), giving Adrien the snake miraculous due to personal preference instead of drawing logical conclusions. Sneaked into the Agreste mansion.

Impulsiveness: Marinette's daily fantasies (sharing a future life with Adrien and their hamster-who-must-not-be-named), when Lila's "precious family heirloom necklace" was "stolen", Marinette was quick to include her classmates in the list of potential perpetrators for it (without ill intent, but still..)

You know who the real potential sociopath in the show is?

Gabriel

Some of you might include Lila too (since she fits all the criteria for being a sociopath), but the key difference is: Lila is still just a kid.

We don't know much about her family life. Just that her mother is busy with work, we don't know where her father is, who her friends were/if she even had them. She might be lying and manipulating people to follow her own agenda, but she thrives in attention, when people notice and praise her. In some aspects, that could've been Adrien. With one neglectful parent, a missing parent, no friends (prior to going to school)...etc. There is also a lot we don't know about her.

[piratemadi]

I would like to hear the Silvermadi backstory please

i put it under the cut cuz it got long LMAOO

madi went to a state school in missouri for undergrad and then got into a masters program at yale. in late 2001, silver decides to leave new york city where he’s been living for the last few years in part bc theres a lot of hostility to him in this particular time in history in this particular city lol so he packs his bag and just starts wandering around. he isn’t originally going to stay in new haven for long bc he generally prefers big cities but he meets madi and he doesn’t have anywhere else to be so basically just week by week he considers leaving or staying and he has plenty of reasons for both but madi always seems to sway it towards staying. part of it is that he can’t really figure out how someone out of his league as madi to genuinely like him and he kind of knows that it wont happen again

madi is really enjoying her work and her classes but its also kind of fatiguing to be putting so much of her time and energy into such an elitist pwi as yale. and silver honestly starts as a fling for her but he’s such a comfort to her that soon they’re more or less exclusive. he’s also one of the most interesting people madi’s ever met like he has all these crazy stories and sometimes he just pulls out a new language she’s never heard him speak (”where the hell did you learn mandarin?” “oh, you know”) and somehow he always manages to surprise her when she asks him thoughtful questions. and she sees how he talks to other people, how he charms them (how nobody else is ever really surprised by him, because he tells them exactly what they want to hear from him), and it’s exciting for her that she seems to be the only person to know him

so pure circumstance throws them together, and theyre completely head over heels for each other within six months. by their one year anniversary (which like they dont really Have? because they never officially went official. but it’s in november, madi’s pretty sure) silver is actually starting to think in the long term w madi, which he has never done w anyone in his life. they move in together when madi’s lease w her roommate runs out, and it’s paradise, at first. (”you should teach me yoruba.” “teach you yoruba? why?” “so i can impress your dad when i meet him.” “it’s the 21st century, john, impressing my dad isn’t what relationships are about anymore.” “okay, fine, then teach it to me so i can teach it to our kids.” she teaches him yoruba. he picks it up stupid fast.) (even now, after everything, they still speak it to each other sometimes, and they do teach it to their kid.)

it’s coming up on the end of madi’s masters program in mid 2003, and silver is buzzing with all kinds of plans. he (rightfully) figures they’ll be out of new haven the second she has her degree, but he has these ideas for a life together, about seeing the country and then making a bunch of money and settling down for a white picket fence life. he doesn’t really seem to understand what she’s even doing at yale in the first place, and her work seems to factor only peripherally into his plans. madi keeps quiet at first even though she knows that silver’s imagining of their life together is nothing like hers, because she also knows that once she says something she wont be able to take it back, and all this is going to end.

and it does. silver walks it all back the second she tells him what kind of life she’s planning, but that isnt what she wants from him. she looks at him and she says “be honest with me. dont just tell me what i want to hear. Do you think that we want the same thing?” he looks her right in the eye and he lies to her. they break up that night.

when madi leaves new haven a few weeks later, it’s the prettiest summer silver’s ever seen. he hates it. madi, wistful and sad, sends him a postcard that says “look me up if you’re ever in town.” on the front, there’s a picture of the lake of the ozarks. so silver starts all over again. he puts all his things in the trunk of his shitty car and he heads to missouri in late summer.

when he finally reaches madi’s town, he cant bring himself, at first, to look her up. he looks for familiar, crowded places, but in this little town he can only find a couple dilapidated bars. still, silver’s good at this, so he ingratiates himself to the owner of danny’s bar and gets to know everyone who passes through. when he finally gets the nerve to go see madi, she seems happy. he tells her he misses her, that he wants her back, and she gets upset. she says the postcard was friendly, and nothing more, but if he can’t understand that, well, they shouldn’t even be friends. truthfully, she misses him, but that’s easier to bear when she’s home with all her old family and friends, and she assures herself she’s made the right decision as she watches him drive off.

so silver leaves, and finds himself at his new friend’s house on the edge of town. week by week, he considers leaving or staying, and he has plenty of reasons for both, but max always seems to sway it towards staying.

[lucidpantone]

Hey - u've mentioned ure in the tech field. Im a neuroscience student, 2nd year. It's not by choice, but my parents' want me to cont. the fam tradition of becoming a doc. I'm financially dependent on them and they've indirectly said they'd cut me off if I don't stick with their plan for me. I can only on what I'm passionate about, to be front end/full stack webdev, in my free time. So i wonder: if i have the skill, do u think i could eventually get become a webdev w/out a compsci degree etc?

similar anon: I'd love to hear more about your research "concerning etools and adaptive frameworks in stem education"! If you don't mind lol

Ohhh this is such an interesting question. So am gonna tailor it towards you but also for others. We all have choices and allowances we make in life and since your an adult now you have to make those choices and allowances. You can chose to fall in line now and not take on debt for school or pursue something your interested in and take on the debt without your parents help. Your very lucky that both your interest fall within extremely well paid fields so luckily any debt you take on the likelihood that you will score a nice salary towards paying it off is pretty high. I will say as a med-senior level engineer the tech field is becoming crazy oversaturated. For example we have a mid level position open on my team now and I think the vetting process is a bit extreme because we have so many candidates we need to find excuses to drop as many as possible. For junior positions its even worse. For a mid to senior role you get 5-10 solid candidates to interview for junior roles you get like 30plus and everyone is good at the junior level. I have been on the intern panels a few times and I look at these interns resumes and I am like jesus these kids have interned at like 3/4 places and at least one big four tech company. 

So serious question can you have an honest convo with your parents about why the title of “dr” matters to them so much? Because this clearly isnt about good pay engineers make large 6 figure salaries that are on par with medical doctors. So this isnt about money or financial potential this is clearly about this title and so I would be honest with them and ask them why they value this title so much? What is it saying about their pov? If you still cant get them over to your side or if your parents only give you a bit of freedom this is what I would do. The market for engineers is hard and all these bootcamps have basically made carbon copies of candidates. So to stand out. You need to use the one/two elective classes you have to get the fundamentals under you and I would use you university electives for that. So take java 101 (dont take python unless you want to become a fintech engineer), take data structures 101, and a decent math class (cal, trig anything with discrete math principles). During the summers you need to go to general assembly or some type of boot camp and get all your client side knowledge down js/react/css. If you can do this in parallel with you neuro stuff you will be set. Dont worry about a compsci degree because no one really cares about the degree if its stem adjacent most companies care about how you problem solve(Math skills), how you identify patterns (data structures) and how you handle data from the beginning of the pipeline to the end(technical engineering). You dont need school to learn all this btw but since your there use it to your advantage and take some compsci classes as electives. I hope this explanation helps dear and good luck. I hope you make some head way with your parents.

[thotsforvillainrights]

~Perfect Birthday~

Au: Kaishi

Part: twelve

Theme: Fluff? Comedy? Who knows lol

(These 2 are going on an adventure)

"Buttercream? No that wont do. Vanilla with a touch of banana or Strawberry? Shoot! What about...hmmm...." You focused on the ingredients so hard that you were developing a light headache. Meanwhile, your husband sat across from you at the kitchen table, scrolling through his laptop for themes and present ideas. "Y/N, just settle on chocolate and call it a day." Kai announced while his eyes hovered on a Circus theme. He shuddered lightly at the thought of animals being involved. 'Absolutely not' he thought to himself. You sighed and put the ingredients list down. "I cant settle on Chocolate. I'm worried that someone might have an allergy to it. I'm also so worried about the vegan adults that might be here. What about the picky eaters too? Kai, I feel like I'm going insane right now." You gripped the sides of the chair you sat on. He peeked up at you and notices your incoming distress. He sighed and stood up to move behind you. He softly gripped each of your shoulders and began to give you an impromptu massage. "Stop worrying so much about it so much, Angel. Just do chocolate cake since its the brat's favorite flavor. We can go with a vegan cupcake option that should be safe for the people with chocolate allergies as well. As for the others, there will be other food and even beverage options. You're working so hard for people I dont even care about. This is all for my son and no one else but him. His happiness is my only concern."

You sighed and reached up to place a hand on your husband before turning to smile sweetly at him. "Kai, you're being sweet today." You teased him and he scoffed. "Anyway, I know you only want to focus on Kaishi but having other kids here for the first time, other than Ishida, is like his dream come true. It took me a lot of time to get on the parents good sides. It took a lot of time for them to want to bring other kids around Kaishi because if the yakuza affiliations. Had it not been for the fact that you've began working into charity for the city, I dont think anyone would've given us a chance. Bow we have parent friends, and now Kaishi has a chance for an amazing birthday this year. Let's not mess this up, okay? That means NO EXCESSIVE GERMAPHOBIA, and NO ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOR okay?" You drilled it home at the end. He sighed in annoyance. "Ugh fine. I'll try to conversate with the other scum as if they never insulted the yakuza before. You had better be lucky I appreciate you and Kaishi at this point or this wouldn't be happening." Kai complained before pulling his medical mask down and kissing you lightly on your lips. "You two are being icky again. I'm going to tell Grandpa on you guys." Kaishi's voice brought you two back to reality. "Oh hush, and mind your business." Kai said as he ruffled his son's short hair playfully. Kaishi giggled and swatted the gloved hand away. He took a seat at the kitchen table next to Kai's laptop and peeked over to see what was on the screen. While you went to fix him some oatmeal, his father bolted to the seat and slapped the laptop closed. "No peeking. Havent you any manners?" Kai fussed lightly while Kaishi smiled. "Its okay daddy, I already know you two are planning my birthday for tomorrow." The boy said proudly. "That may be so, but it doesnt mean we cant at least surprise you with the decorations and food." Kai explained. You placed breakfast in front of Kaishi and sat down with your boys. Pops had just entered the kitchen at this point. "Family breakfast? Dont mind if I do." He smiled and took a seat next to you. "Grandpa, what will you give me for my birthday?" Kaishi asked excitedly. Kai flicked his cheek. "Dont be rude brat, respect your elders." He scolded him as Pops laughed. "Oh calm down, Chisaki my boy. My grandson is very calm at this age compared to how you used to act." Pops said with a smirk as you laughed and Kai blushed lightly with embarrassment. "Anyway, my Grandchild your gift will have to remain a surprise until tomorrow." Pops winked and Kaishi groaned. "Aw man. Well, mom/dad? What will you get me?" He turned to look at you in anticipation. You put a finger to your chin to think for a second. Then you snapped and made an 'Ah-Ha' expression. "I'm going to get you a fancy suit! Maybe I'll get some toys too. Just maybe, you'll have to wait and see." You teased him and he smiled. "Daddy, what about you?" He looked at Kai for an answer. "Just like Pops said, it will be a surprise. However, I'll take the time now to ask you what you want as a gift from all of us. It'll serve separately from the gifts we'll get you so dont worry." Kai watched his son expectantly as Kaishi searched his little mind. Seconds later he piped up excitedly:

"SMOOGLY!!!" He shouted happily and raised his arms dramatically in the air. You and Pops laughed while Kai tilted his head in confusion. "Smoo-what? Are you well? Are you speaking in tongues???" Kaishi giggled at his father's confusion. You turned towards Kai to explain. "Kai, Smoogly is a character from Kaishi's favorite show. He's this giant lollipop that dances and sings. Yknow, kids love that stuff." Kai stared at you for a second before nodding. Then he turned his attention back to Kaishi eating breakfast finally. "Alright then, you want Smoogly then that's what you'll get." After breakfast, Kaishi went to call Ishida on the phone. You monitored in awe, gushing as your baby talked to his little crush over the phone. The two were fast friends, and she was the first/only child in the class to accept and support Kaishi to the fullest degree. Meanwhile, Pops went to the backyard to water the flowers and feed the Koi in the pond. Kai headed out to the car to call Kurono/pick him up. "Chrono, I know I've given you the off day but I need a favor." Kai spoke on the car wireless phone while he drove. "Yeah man, what's up?" Hari answered from the other side. He was currently face deep in a 3rd bag of chips as he reclined on his sofa. "The brat's birthday is tomorrow and it's his first big one with other parents and children expected to be there. He wants some actor there to perform or something. Some thing called Smogie or Smothly or something like that."

"OHHHHH!!!! You're talking about Smoogly!" Hari shouted excitedly, his voice boomed over the car speakers. "Yeah whatever that mess is. Anyway, help me track him down and I'll give you tomorrow off to repay you from today. You can also have some leftover cake." Kai offered him. "Bet!" Kurono answered shortly before hanging up and getting ready. In moments Kai was at his door to retrieve him. The two men drove around for a bit while Kurono did some searching online. Lucky for him, it wasn't that hard to find Smoogly's booking information. "Found it, Kai. It says here that we can email and make a down payment, or call the home offices for a response in about...14 days." Kai almost slammed on the breaks. "14 days??? No that's not possible for a booking that could be denied. My Kaishi's birthday is tomorrow. We need to get this Smoogly there as soon as possible." He felt a bit of panic set in. Kai would never forgive himself if he couldn't get his son's biggest wish for his birthday. "Hey man chill. We'll just go to his office and speak to him directly. I mean, we've got a little pull when it comes to money. Also, we're yakuza so..."

"I know what you're thinking Chrono, and the answer is no. We cant push too many buttons or we'll end up leaving the gray area in which we operate in. I cant afford to get arrested on Kaishi's birthday." Hari rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Whatever man. Just take a left onto the main freeway and we should reach the exit in like 30 minutes. After that, we just follow the main road for 4 more minutes, take a right at the stop light, and turn off the Broadway drive. Smoogly's office should be right between a steak restaurant and a car dealership." Hari explained the directions. Kai nodded and the two were on their way. Once they made it to the offices, they took a number and sat in the waiting room. The wait wasnt uncomfortable to Kai...it was the old man across from them that kept coughing that made him uncomfortable. He felt hives pop up on his arms. Luckily the two were called before he went insane! Only minutes later they were standing before a chubby man smoking a cigarette behind a desk. He had dark hair, and was balding right in the middle of his head. His skin was just a step away from being super pale (no doubt because he had the costume on a lot) His noticable feature was the large mole on his cheek. He was clearly a foreigner from some city somewhere, thanks to his accent.

(!!!Reader, think about Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force!!!)

"Alright, what can I do for you two men? Wait a minute, you two are the tax guys right?"

"Uhhh, no. No we're here to inquire about an opening to hire you? The pay will of course be-"

"Yeah yeah yeah. Pay doubled blah blah. I've heard this a million times before. I get bastards like you that come in here every single day asking to pay extra just so I can come to your event. The moms are even worse since they also think they're entitled to my services." The chubby man interrupted Kai. "Please. It's my son's birthday. You see, this birthday is special because he's never had-"

"Pshhh...yeah buster, you're kid is special. Just like everyone else that's come in here before you to say the same thing. Bottom line is that I ain't doing it. If you want my services than file through email or take it up with the front desk. Deposits non-refundable if you get denied. Have a nice day." He put out the cigarette and picked up a rather inappropriate nude magazine. Kai looked at Chrono and sighed as if to say Hari can take over. Hari smiled darkly and went to approach the desk. The chubby man hadn't looked up from the magazine as he spoke. "Look man, I said piss off. What, you didnt get the picture the first time or-" he immediately froze and turned his attention to Hari when he heard the click of the gun. When he turned, he was staring down the glock.

Hari spoke up darkly. "Hey buddy, I'm a changed man but that doesn't mean shit is sweet. I've killed a dozen people before and I'm not afraid to go to prison. Either you do my nephews birthday party tomorrow, or we wear your face on a memorial T-Shirt. Fuck is it gonna be? Eh???" The man gulped and shakily reached his finger out to the voice machine on his desk. "Deborah cancel all my appointments tomorrow, I've got a birthday to go do." Hari and Kai smiled when they heard the voice reply 'Right away, sir.' They bid the man goodbye and left the office. The next day, Kaishi rushed to the backyard after taking a quick shower and getting ready. It was decorated beautifully with bounce houses, a splash area, party games, an extensive food/present table, swings, slides, etc. Most importantly, the parents actually showed up with their kids. Kaishi almost cried tears of happiness when he finally had friends to play with. Meanwhile, you and Pops chatted with the other parents until Smoogly arrived to perform. The kids absolutely loved every bit! Every once in a while, the Lollipop turned to look at Kurono standing in the corner, smirking menacingly and daring him to slip up just once. Smoogly quickly turned around and kept performing. At the end of his shift, he was paid extra just as Kai promised, and Kaishi got to take a picture with him. Finally it came time for presents. Kaishi was happy to receive so many gifts, but he was more eager to get his gifts from you, Kai, and Pops (even Hari got him a secret gift at the last minute). Kaishi smiled at the wooden box Pops had given him. When he opened it, it revealed a small pin on a soft cushion. It was shiny and brand new. It was the symbol of the Hassaikai, the infamous flower design. "My grandson, when your father was younger I had given him this very same gift. Please be sure to take good care of it." He gently placed a hand on Kaishi's head. The boy nodded excitedly and passed the box for you to hold while he opened up the remaining gifts. It was a surprise jacket from you to him. It was just a smaller version of Kai's jacket! Plus that suit you promised, and a few other Smoogly themed toys as well. From Hari, he recieved a new helmet for his new bike. Finally from Kai he received a matching mask. With the suit and the jacket, he was the matching embodiment of his very on father (aside from inheriting some of your skin tone depending on your color, my dear reader).

This was truly the perfect birthday.

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

TIp Jar: https://cash.app/$YuTakeyama

[aceoceanic]

What a shitty day.

[swampgallows]

took the other half of the xanax, had a hyperventilating panic attack, and then passed out for about 3 hours. not much sleep but im feeling somewhat rested and a lot more stable

as life has gone on i realize my anxiety is like a meter that is slowly climbing up always, and it eventually gets to a point where im coasting along the surface tension of the very top even if i dont realize it. im so used to operating at like full hypervigilance and sensory overload and just like the maximum amount of stress at all times that it isnt until something like a panic attack comes along that makes me realize how stressed i am. ive always figured like “im just sitting at home on the internet all day, how could i possibly be stressed” and fail to realize that my environment and the people i live with are constantly bearing down on me and that, a lot of the time, i end up having to take on their problems. 

my last therapist sort of touched on my ‘mediator’ status in my family but all she could basically say was “well just stay out of it, just dont do that.” which is obviously incredibly shitty advice when one family member spends the entire day loudly sobbing about not wanting to live anymore and another family member is having a borderline psychosis episode. kinda hard to just go “well for MY mental health im just gonna stay out of this one :)”

my NEW therapist suggested working on spending whatever time i can outside the house as much as possible, only because if im not physically there i cant be in the constant line of fire of this shit. ive known for a long time i need to just get out, but to live in this environment and how it affects my health is a bit like running on a treadmill in terms of progress. even before the pandemic i couldnt seem to get any kind of job, even something stay at home like transcription or data entry. i was told i could always go back to my old job (it’s not open during a pandemic of course) but i dont think that would be best for my mental health. 

that ‘meter’ used to fill up a lot faster in my early 20s; in college i had panic attacks twice a WEEK on average. i did complete my degree, but toward the end i was burning out incredibly and missed a number of classes (and outings, and meals, etc) because i was too busy being half naked on my floor in a state of fugue. and that was after id taken a semester off to heal from the accident. 

i dont like relying on xanax because i know how addictive it can be, but i feel fortunate that at least the lowest dose (and only half of it) generally does the trick, and is a “hard reset” on that meter. it’s like releasing a pressure valve that sets me back to zero. and the results are physical, too. i am literally lighter after taking it. i slept for only 3 hours and both bathroom scales told me i had lost 3 pounds. i had also lost those same 3 pounds after the appointment with my new therapist. i am literally carrying the weight of the stress in my body. 

considering when i was hospitalized they had me take 2 robaxin orally and had me on an ativan and hydration IV, and it took JUST that to take me down to a baseline (though that was an emergency situation), i guess i just underestimate my threshold for stress. or rather like, the amount of stress i am actually carrying. the grand total for today was 1 robaxin, half a xanax, 2 tylenol, 1 aspirin (for migraine), and then the other half of the xanax. plus two bottles of water.

i have always had trouble sleeping. i wonder if someday i will ever feel safe enough to just fall asleep.

[quarkcore]

1-5 for the asks :)

1: Song of the year?

ok so i feel like theres so many contenders for this. This year has been strange for me, and right until i finished my degree, I didnt listen to much new music. I had a real focus on nostalgic faves. Because of that I have a hard time placing a specific favourite; its all just this long blur of old familiar tunes. If we go by my spotify, “Alone Again Or” by Love is my top song, and i cant deny that its absolute bop. If were going by what song i consider my fave right now, its “Lay This Body Down” by Sam Lee.  If i was gonna choose an absolute favourite new track, I think i would go with “Rack Of His” by Fiona Apple. Obviously, her new album is an absolute masterpiece, and thats the song that i just consistently enjoyed the most.

2: Album of the year?

Not Fetch The Boltcutters, surprisingly. For the place I was in, I personally found it just a bit too much to take in. I had a pretty massive shift towards pop, which FTBC just..... isnt. I needed comfort, familiarity, something i didnt need to analyse. With that in mind, The Mountain Goats’ The Jordan Lake Sessions is becoming a real late game favourite for me. I have started listening to stuff that challenges me a bit more again, but i still crave old favourites, and TJLS has packed a lot of old favourites onto one album, while also filling the gap that the lack of live music venues created in my life. Listening to TMG live is a really special experience for me and to have something replicate that, even imperfectly, really meant a lot to me.

3: Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

There isnt an immediate standout for me, so I’m just gonna list a few good contenders. Rina Sawayama, who id technically listened to before, but never to the same extent is an obvious choice, Noname (who id also technically listened to before) is another. Id also listened to the Kinks before, but got into them after watching a part of the umbrella academy and rewatching hot fuzz (they feature on both soundtracks). Ive really been enjoying Dorian Electra, and 100 Gecs became a new favourite in abt the same time period. yet again im limited by how little new music ive listened to lghdkfgj.

4: Movie of the year?

FINALLY ONE I CAN DO!!!!! ITS PARASITE ITS 100% PARASITE!!! nothing has worked its way into my brain in the same way, I’ve watched it 3 times and every single time i went fucking ballistic. i dont think theres anything i can say thats not already been said better, but the single bit that hits me the most is the one where the Kim family’s sub-basement has flooded and the father tells his son “You know what kind of plan never fails? No plan. No plan at all. You know why? Because life cannot be planned. Look around you. Did you think these people made a plan to sleep in the sports hall with you? But here we are now, sleeping together on the floor. So, there's no need for a plan. You can't go wrong with no plans. We don't need to make a plan for anything. It doesn't matter what will happen next. Even if the country gets destroyed or sold out, nobody cares. Got it?” because GOD how fucking real is that. every fucking day im thinking about parasite.

5: TV show of the year?

SPN’s Destiel but only for the bants.

Nah, kidding. its still deep space nine for me right now, but red dwarf is also a contender. both are rewatches (continuing the trend for the year glhfgkj). If you havent watched red dwarf, its a sci-fi sitcom, focussing on Lister and Rimmer, the two lowest ranking people on the ship red dwarf. Along with the Cat (exactly what it sounds like) and Holly, the ships’ AI, they on a quest to return home to earth. If you are a big fan of star trek, and want something extremely funny, and which in many ways critiques utopian sci fi (imo) you cant go wrong. Red Dwarf’s vision of the future is that its more or less the same as now, and thats mined both for comedic purposes, and for more serious plot lines. I first watched it when i was around 10 years old, and going back and rewatching only reinforced my belief that its one of the greatest shows of all time. It has a lot to say abt the british class system, and abt the capabilities of the peopel at the very bottom of society, in my opinion. It also unfortunately has a lot of homophobia and misogyny. The way i personally cope with that is by not watching the only season with an actual human woman (yes, really), and by taking all the  gay jokes to their logical conclusion, and actually headcanoning multiple characters as lgbt. its my show now and i can do what i want.

if youre here, then i assume you know what ds9 is like and why its good.

edit: A) what did tumblr DO to this post, B) i forgot joanna newsom!!! its bc shes not on spotify rip. DEFINITELY a new fave and contender for new fave artist.

[creacherkeeper]

@astrophysiciann asked for some tips on a specific writing thing and i got kind of carried away because OH BOY DO I HAVE TIPS so it’s getting its own post 

i have taken a buttload of writing classes, got accepted onto the creative writing track at the best writing school in the US, ran a writing blog, finished an english degree, read writing books ...

do you know what has taught me more about writing than anything else?

WRITING THINGS AND PAYING ATTENTION TO HOW IM WRITING IT

im serious. nothing is going to teach you how to write except writing. want to write a good novel? WRITE A LOT OF NOVELS. HOWEVER, i have picked up on things over the years that i am very frustrated dont really get taught in writing classes. writing classes are a bunch of “here go write this and i’ll give you a grade” but like. there ARE things you can do to be a better writer

vary sentence length. absolutely important. a lot of one length is going to start to sound boring to the readers internal voice. if you cant do this naturally, take note of how many words are in each sentence as youre writing. each paragraph should have a little variety, and your paragraphs should have different numbers of sentences in them. if youre writing an action scene, trend towards shorter sentences. in my writing i tend to do a lot of “medium length. long length. long length. very short”

finish on the important information. put the important word at the end of the sentence. it keeps the reader engaged because they want to know WHATS happening and why its important. leave it for the end (this is especially true for comedy) 

adverbs aren’t bad but they really are easy to overuse. ask yourself each time “is there a better way to phrase this, and if not, does the adverb really add meaning to the sentence”. sometimes it absolutely does and thats great! a lot of times you can go without them. warning: taking the -ly off an adverb and just using the base word is valid! but your reader might interpret the speaker as uneducated and masculine, because that’s who typically does that verbally! (aka i took a linguistics & gender class and found out that i talk like an uneducated man!) 

are you starting a bunch of sentences with the same word? that sounds repetitive. major problem of mine. challenge yourself not to use the same sentence starter in each paragraph, or start the paragraphs with the same word. vary it! its harder than it looks, but you can practice

try to pepper in repetition with motifs! in my last fic i used the phrases “in the early days” and “as was mentioned” a few times each. it just helps the reader feel like they’re reading a cohesive work. one of my FAVORITE literary things is when a line comes back and means something different with repeated uses. LITERATURE!

rhythm is important. read your writing out loud and pay attention to how the sentence flows. things i use a lot to establish a beat: anaphora (repeated phrases: he thought blank1. he thought blank2. he thought blank3), syndeton (using multiple conjunctions: blank and blank and blank), and asyndeton (no conjunctions: blank, blank, blank.)

dialogue tags are your friend. the reader should know who’s speaking. when we go a long time with no dialogue tags it’s easy to get confused. HOWEVER. some tips. “said” is your friend. said becomes invisible. they’re going to see their name and that’s it and that’s fine. if you use something else, it should be justified. ‘“i love you,” he said’ is neutral. ‘“i love you,” he growled’ VERY DIFFERENT. if youre using a different tag, it should be because it adds meaning to the sentence. NO WORD WASTED! 

vary sentence structure. this includes dialogue! 

“blank” he said 

“blank” she said 

“blank” he said 

no!! boring! 

“blank” he said 

she did blank. “blank” 

“blank,” he started. he did blank. “blank” 

much more visually and audibly interesting! also - use actions with your dialogue! people move when they talk. a scratch on the neck might mean someone is embarrassed. your character might be nervous and fidgety. let people have body language!! and let them interact with their environment! 

AS FOR LARGER PROJECTS

i personally LOVE using the three act structure! if you’re not familiar, it goes like this:

ACT 1 

beginning (this is life in the BEFORE THE PLOT times)

INCITING INCIDENT (the plot is happening now! CALL TO ACTION)

door 1 (also called a “door of no return”. this is what pushes us into act 2 - what is this event that means the protagonist can never mentally or physically go back to how things were before?)

ACT 2 

midpoint (this should be the characters LOWEST POINT. they might not succeed!! how terrifying & engaging!) 

rising action! (stuffs afoot! the plot is gaining speed!) 

door 2 (oh no! they can never go back again!) 

ACT 3 

climax! (everything is coming to fruition!! everything has been leading to this!) 

falling action (this is our new world order) 

there are variations on this, but this is the basic gist. if you’re struggling with the middle of your book, which a lot of writers do, think of the midpoint. think of your protagonist. what’s the worst thing that could happen to them? whats something they would never want? how are all their plans going to fail? 

another thing you can do with your midpoint, or just your characters in general, is this: 

what is one thing they would never do, and how are you going to justify making them do it? 

this pretty much guarantees you a dynamic character, which i think is a trap beginning novelists (like myself, back in the day) can fall in to. your character needs to change--sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. if your character would swear up and down they’d never do one thing, OR if the reader THOUGHT they would never do one thing, what would that be? why are they now going to have to do it? 

another tip for big projects - figure out what kind of writer you are. do you write for the big stuff or the small stuff? 

some people are like “oh! i can’t wait for this big plot twist in act 2!” great! write everything to lead up to that plot twist 

i personally am more of a “oh i want to include this one specific line of dialogue/this one emotional beat/this one piece of imagery somewhere but x y and z would have to happen in order to make it make sense” and then i write in x y and z! 

basically, what are you EXCITED about in your story? write only for that 

another thing is wasted space. you might think writing four scenes of worldbuilding is a good idea, but aside for those worldbuilding nerd junkies out there, it probably isnt. every scene should move along the plot or develop your character. preferably both at the same time! i know everyone loves to be like “WE WERE ROBBED” about cut scenes, but like. a lot of the time those scenes were cut because they weren’t moving things along, and it was RIGHT for those scenes to be cut. sorry guys. pacing and development is important 

as far as motivation goes, find a HYPE MAN. or, even better, someone who is going to critically engage with your work. some people dont like to share their work until a full draft is written, but i need feedback as i go. find someone who’s going to tell you what they liked about it and what doesnt make sense in draft 1. these people are very important. too much criticism can kill a novel in the early stages. you need HYPE and a plot hole finder 

okay!! it’s getting late and i have work in the morning so that is all my Hot Takes for now thank you for listening 

[heycreehere]

Highschool out of context 4

My psych professor was talking about how we look at people and are like "Okay they're cute they cant hurt me" and she made a comment about being a woman in an alleyway at night with a figure of someone attractive going towards them and the entire time I was like "No. Do I know them?? No?? Then no matter what I will fucking dip, don't hit me with that 'oh they're cute I'm safe' shit. I trust no one"

We then talked about Ted Bundy and how he was attractive and he killed people, which caused my professor to be like "Honestly I don't see it but 🤷🏻‍♀️"

"You can't get me out of bet at 7 am on a Saturday. Like it just doesn't happen"

My art teachers use pots to hold pencils and I'm pretty sure I watched someone steal one

Also my schools GSA is right next to the bible club (which is run by a homophobe) and they both meet on Wednesday and I think its hilarious because he (the homophobe) can't really say anything about it

I deadass looked over to find this kid laying on desks fully asleep

"You dont need a degree to work at Walmart"

"You know like how in the first few days people were going in and throwing water on people who were taking shits? Like have some respect dude"

My friend walked past me and didnt say anything she just... groped my elbow and kept walking

"I would rather cut grass with a pair of scissors then be in this class"