#i continue to not understand what i'm doing wrong in basic conversation. the best response i can hope for is to be treated like a child

[draconicace]

sick of acting normal. where do i go where people like colors and the word greige doesn't exist

[morganalatina21]

Too Sweet - OP81

When Lando tries to play matchmaker with his two friends, the negative response comes from someone he did not imagine

or

When Oscar wants to prove you wrong

warnings: English isn't my first language, not proofread, mentions of alcohol and weed, smut, unprotected sex, car sex. Smut have warning before it starts and after it ends! - MDNI!!!!

word count: around 2k

"What do you mean 'no'?" Lando looked at you as if you grown a second head. "Don't play nonchalant about this, that's his thing. I've heard you ramble about him before."

"Yep." You agreed, sipping your drink.

"So why the fuck not?" He crossed his arms. "You'd be bloody great together."

"Do you really think that, muppet?" You bit back, eyes still lifeless staring back at him. Lando nodded. "You don't understand man. I like him? Yes. Very much. So much is inebriating." You confessed, looking almost... tired?

"But I've come to the terms that we would never work." Your shoulders moved up and down. "We are so fucking different Lan, and you know that. He's like, kind and a ray of sunshine. I'm a mess, you should know this, I'm friends with you, that's telling."

"I'm gonna ignore this outrage statement because I'm on a bigger mission here." He continued, knowing you were deviating the conversation. "The fuck is that coming from?"

"When you like someone that much, you star to try and match your stuff with them." You shrugged, adjusting your hair on the mirror. "And as much as I want to, we just- don't. That's like you said, he is nonchalant, I'm way too chalant. He is so sweet, Im bitter. He is all composed and... I dunno... Like those fitness influencers who have insane wellness routines? You know. And I'm the entire opposite. He's sweet as a grape."

"Are you quoting Hozier's Too Sweet at me right now?" His green eyes looked at you in disbelief. "Are you for real?"

"Kinda."

"Okay I know you may be having doubts, but why not try? It's better than not try, right?"

"Okay now you're just quoting The Good Place at me." You mocked, hearing people bang on the door to the bathroom. "But you know that I'm way too down bad for him to just try and go along with it. I'm usually cool with this kinds of stuff, but... I know I'll just be delusional and want more with him."

"So make us both a favor and drop it, because I don't wanna have my heart broken, and you don't wanna hear me whining about it, sir Norris."

Oscar's eyes were trained on you the moment you left the bathroom with Lando at his house party. You and Lando knew each other since kids, and it was very obvious to everyone in that house, including him, that nothing would ever happen between the two of you.

You noticed his glance and just offered him a small smile before turning and starting a conversation with Max Fewtrell, yours and Lando's best friend.

"Thought you said that'd work." He commented when Lando came up to him. "I really shouldn't trust your matchmaking skills, remember the redhead you tried to hook me up with in Vegas?"

"Hey, she was hot! And liked koalas."

"She liked spiders."

"You grew up with both, mate, whatever." Oscar shooked his head with a smile on his face. "And she wants you, she's just worried you might not want her."

"What?"

"She didn't believe when I said you were down to meet her. She thinks I'm setting her up with someone who does not want her."

"Why would she think that? You did that before?"

"Not the case right now. She thinks that because she basically doesn't think she's good enough for you."

The softest "what" came out of Piastri's lips.

"Yeah, she even quoted Hozier at me."

"I... don't know what that means."

Later that day, when he was in bed, smeling a bit like alcohol and feeling his body light from the drinking, Lando's words came back to him. He was waiting to sober up more, although he was probably the most sober out of everyone in that party, including you, who at some point started trying to teach Pietra how to creepwalk, to which, you failed.

He kept watching you that night, from some distance, of course, to try and understand what you meant to Lando when you said "too different".

And to be honest, he kinda got that.

You weren't necessarily and extrovert, at least with those you didn't know, but with your friends, wow were you outgoing.

You and Max were doing shots at random moments of the night, a bet to see who would fall first. You'd drink whataver he drank, and he'd drink whatever you drank.

He smoked some weed, so you did too.

You took jello shots made purely out of the cheapest vodka you could find, so he did too.

Lando and Pietra were trying to keep up with the two of you, but it was in vain. You two were on fire.

And to be honest, Oscar liked that.

You probably didn't see it, but you were both bold, only on different aspects of life.

And he wanted to show you that.

So, phone in hand, he texted Lando, who was already on his own room, probably with some fling of his. The party had died down and only a few people were left, including you, who were downstairs probably playing truth or dare or never have I ever with the other survivors of the night, and him, who was in a guest room.

[What did u meant when you mentioned Hozier earlier?] seen 2:38a.m.

[she quoted his song to me]

[too sweet, look it up im busy] seen 2:40a.m.

[At least tell me the name of the song so i can search it, man] 2:40a.m.

[are youo actually stupid? the name of the song is TOO SWEET, im not compliemnting you mate.] seen 2:40a.m.

[i knew that] seen 2:41a.m.

[sure you did] seen 2:41 a.m.

Spotify open. He typed down those two words and sure enough, a song by an Irish man popped up. The beat was kinda animated, and he didn't though to bother searching up the internet to see what other thought of that song.

He took his own conclusion.

"If you can sit in a barrell, maybe I'll wait". In his slightly disturbed mind, that meant he still had a shot. He just needed to prove you two weren't so different.

And while drunk, he took an oath to do that.

.

For the 2024 season, Lando had hired you as his personal counselor, which was just an excuse for you to travel around the world with him.

The reason why? Oscar didn't knew, but he wasn't complaining.

That meant seeing you around the paddock a lot, even til the highest hours of the night after each race, post-debriefs and everything.

Today was one of those days.

It was after a session of FP1 and FP2 of the US Grand Prix, and the post-practice debrief had just ended, people moving around and starting to leave.

Oscar gathered his stuff and was ready to walk to his own car and leave.

That's when he spotted you.

On one of the halls from the McLaren hospitality, walking around in a jacket he did not recognize as any of the teams merch.

"Are you switching scuderias?" He asked, nodding the jacket direction, startling you.

You looked down, almost forgetting which clothes you were wearing. "Oh that's just from the next NASCAR winning team."

"You like NASCAR?"

"I was very frustrated when I realized Cars was about NASCAR and not F1, I might switch motorsports." You smiled.

"Good luck cheering for Joe Gibbs."

"Oh which one do you choose? Spire?"

"No, never. 23XI is way better."

You rolled your eyes at his statement, a small smile still on your lips, a huge one on his.

"I'll laugh to your face when Denny Hamlin ends Riley on track next cup, Piastri."

"It's on, Y/ln."

Two days later, after the Grand Prix, Oscar dropped the bomb on the interview.

"... Maybe we should just adopt NASCAR rules and end things on track." A knowing smile on his lips, looking at the camera.

He wanted you to know. He made sure of it, it wasn't just some comment, there was more.

"Mate, NASCAR rules? Are you insane?" Lando asked later, watching you perk up at that mention.

Oscar smiled and watched you, barely giving his teammate any recognition. You searched the internet, the key words you never thought would be put together: "Oscar Piastri + NASCAR".

And sure enough, there it was, the interview.

You looked up at him, slightly flabbergasted and changed your expression to a smile.

And God, did he love that smile.

.

"Disrespectfully, Fuck Papaya Rules."

Oscar phisically perked up when he heard that. He was strolling around the paddock and caught you talking with reserve McLaren driver, Pato O'Ward.

"Not only that's dumb, but honestly, fuck-ass name for a strategy."

He chuckled at that, hearing you from around the corner.

"Honestly I don't know if I'd follow that if I ever fill in for any of them." Pato admitted, shrugging. "I understand when it's for the Constructors Championship but Drivers? Fuck that."

"My favorite moment so far is when Oscar cut him right on the beginning, it was kind of a 'fuck your championship' moment, I live for that."

"Lando's gonna fire you if he hears you say that." Pato laughed. "Remember when you hit him because he didn't spray Oscar on the Hungary podium?"

"And I'd do it again."

"You hit Lando to defend me?" Oscar asked later that day, on the parking lot, as you were waiting for your friend.

You looked up at him and his smug smile.

That actually caught you unexpected. Oscar was coy, you knew that, but he was getting progressively bolder and more challenging.

It messed with your brain.

"You eavesdropping?"

"I just like to hear when people talk about me." He admitted. "Don't you?"

"No. I hate knowing what people think of me."

Oscar chuckled. That was kind of perfect, because he wasn't good with words.

"I promise I won't tell you what I think of you if I can give you a ride back to the hotel."

That was the main difference between you and Oscar: you were provocative, alluring, liked to get under people's skin, while he was straightforward, deadpan and liked to see people's reaction to brutal honesty.

"Sure."

.

It was the last race of a triple header, Brasil.

Five DNFs, the race and the quali delayed so many times, it was exhausting. Oscar finished P8, which, yes, was a bad position, but he was glad he at least finished the race, unlike five other drivers.

He was so tired, and it showed on his face.

No one even dared ask him or Lando how they were feeling because it was obvious, so he pratically slipped away from the mechanics and engineers.

And he found you. Sitting on the floor, back to the wall that separated his and Lando's driver room, texting rapidly.

He wanted so bad to have you to him, to talk to you before media duties, to have you on his driver room alone. But he and Lando weren't exactly on the best terms, so he couldn't just snatch away his friend.

Or couldn't he?

"Lando's gonna be late." He said, snatching your attention immediately. "If you want to come in."

"Yeah, in a sec." You went back to typing right away.

"You texting someone?" You nodded but answered back:

"Since when do you care?"

"I don't know, I just want your attention." There it was again, the honesty. "I mean, the person you might be texting can be cool and all but, do they drive at 300km/h for McLaren?"

You stopped, looking up at him, almost not believing those words actually came out of his mouth.

"He doesn't..." He smiled. "He actually drives for Mercedes and is a 7 time world champion."

"You're texting Lewis?" Oscar asked softly, smile vanishing. "Isn't he too old for you?"

"First of all, Lewis Hamilton could never be 'too old'. And second, It's not like you're thinking." You pushed yourself up, entering his room. "I'm just congratulating him on the Senna homage and asking what he wants to get me tickets for the next Kendrick Lamar concert."

"I don't know how many times I can offer to babysit Roscoe."

Oscar closed the door behind him, a sigh of relief leaving his lips.

He launched himself on the nearest armchair he could find and groaned, feeling his body ache, trying to stop the shakes on his body from being wet with the cold wind.

"Are you okay?" Y/n asked, voice dripping with concern.

"Yeah. My back's killing me, and I think I'm going to have a cold."

"Take a hot shower, I'll grab you some medicine." She instantly put the phone down, marching towards the door, but was interrupted when Oscar held her wrist.

"Stay." The word came out murmured, a gentle plea, his eyes closed. "Please."

It was weird seeing him like that, so vulnerable, so desirous, it made your heart fumble when he opened those soft brown eyes. So you nodded.

"But you're gonna lie down and get warm. I don't want you sick."

He obliged, draggin himself -and you on the processes, because he couldn't let go of you- towards the improvised bed he had on his driver room.

"But what if-" Oscar began, starting to lie down. "I get sick so I can escape from the media duties?"

"Can you do that?"

"It's worth a shot."

You smiled, pulling a chair to be close to him still, to which he thanked with a smile.

Surely after, Oscar fell asleep. You know it wasn't ideal, but you stood by and watched him peacfully sleeping. He was so soft, so cat-like, so pretty.

Your heart ached with how much you liked him.

And maybe, even though he didn't knew, he was showing you how you two could be a match.

When he woke up, half an hour later, you weren't there already, but he found the medicine you said he needed with a small note that said "You snore like a cat purrs (take care), Y/n."

He smiled ear to ear, almost all of the fatigue gone. He folded the note and tucked it in one of the pockets of his bag, leaving to the unfortunate meeting with the media.

Later that day, as Y/n was getting to her hotel room when she noticed something hanging from the doorknob.

It was a keychain in the shape of a cat, with a small note that read "To remember me".

Y/n rolled her eyes, but with a small smile on her face, that turned into a shock expression the moment she saw the things attached to it: two tickets for the Kendrick Lamar concert.

"Oscar Jack Piastri, you little devil."

.

"How was the concert?" Oscar asked, a knowing smile on his lips.

Y/n smiled widely. It has been a couple of months since Oscar Piastri started pursuing you; you ended up knowing what he was up to when Lando commented that he was determined.

And dear God, he was.

And it moved you.

You don't remember ever someone putting this much effort for you. That alone, warranted some points on his advantage.

"It was good, I actually ended up meeting Snoop Dogg also and we talked a lot about West Side." You rambled, watching his eyes get lost, trying to search his brain for any information about any of the words you just said. "I'm just messing with you. It really meant a lot to me so, thank you."

"Anytime."

"You need a ride to the hotel?" He offered. "Think Lando's not going back any time soon."

You looked back to the door for the party, the music still so loud, lights flashing in different colors and you could almos feel the smell of alcohol even from this distance.

Usually, you'd be inside going crazy too, celebrating that the team you work for had finally won the Constructor's Championship after so many years not knowing what that feels like.

But you were tired. So you took Oscar's offer.

His car smelt new, even though he had this car for quite some time now, his cologne, a strong woody scent mixed with the fresh odor of the seats.

"So, how does it feel, huh?" You asked right after he started driving. "Constructor's champions."

"It's amazing." He answered, and you could feel the tiredness and happiness from his tone. "It's exactly that, a reward for all the hard work."

"Driver's championship next?"

"For me I hope so."

"Next season's gonna be amazing." You smiled, hiding the sadness. "I mean, five rookies on the grid, Hamilton at Ferrari, hopefully Max's downfall?"

"May God hear you, Y/n."

"This sport was missing some emotion." Oscar stared at you from the side of his eyes as you entered the highway, which was completely desert due to high hours of the night. "I mean, to you guys there's always emotion but that's because you're driving, to us just watching cars go around and no overtakes, no fun business is kinda boring."

A mischiveous glint shone on Oscar's eyes as he pushed the throttle pedal further and further with each word you said.

"Osc, what are you doing?"

"Just thought you'd like a piece of the emotion like we have." He opened the windows, a huge smile on.

The adrenaline rushed through your muscles, eyes blown wide as the velocity increased, starting to grip the seat as you laughed. Oscar was so normal about it he was even driving with only one hand on the wheel.

"Fuck it, Imma act like a dog."

Oscar laughed genuinely as you loosened the seatbelt and propped your head out of the window, the wind forcing your skin and giving you goosebumps.

You could barely breathe but that was a whole part of the fun.

"Oh my God this is amazing!"

"Emotion enough for you?"

"God, how are you guys so normal after every race?" You asked, sitting back down, heart beating so fast inside your chest. "I'd feel like I'm on the top of the world, honestly."

The song on the radio pushed your pulse to quicken even more. You opted for keeping your head inside to talk to Oscar, but one hand was out, dancing with the wind.

"God, I'm gonna miss this."

"What?!"

Shit.

He wasn't supposed to hear that, not yet.

You sighed, putting a hand on high thigh, feeling him tense up. "You can slow down now." He did, eyes constantly darting back to your hand, touching him. "The reason I was flying around with Lando and the team was because he wanted to give me new opportunities. And I got one in Italy, as a fashion designer. This is my last night working for McLaren."

Oscar couldn't believe what he was hearing, all his effort, all that he was dreaming for, to have you by his side every race just like this season but this time, as his partner.

He kind of thanked you for telling him to slow down, because his head was spinning.

"Italy is close to Monaco, no?"

"It's in Milan, a three hour drive." You answered, lightly caressing his thigh. "Lando already knew of that possibility, no one was supposed to get attached to me. I'm sorry, Osc."

He parked the car in front of the hotel, both hands now on the wheel as he was trying to calm down and grasp the reality of everything going on.

You were leaving.

He felt your hand lifting up from his pants and immediately grabbed it.

"I'm not giving you up."

"Osc-" "No."

"I didn't come this far just to lose you, not now."

"You're not losing me." He looked at you. "I'll just- I'll be in the country next door." You smiled tightly. "But it's okay if you don't want someone who can't accompany you, I get it."

"You'd wait for me?"

"What?"

Oscar blinked, his grip on your hand tightening, eyes intense as if he was begging.

"Wait for me, to be back from the races, wait for the breaks?"

"Osc that's thing long relationships go through, we don't know if it'd work and-"

He held your face. Gently, sweet, almost too sweet.

"We have until March. I want to try. I could never ask you to give up on something you want so bad, so that's why I'm asking you to not give up on us."

Us. That knocked all the air from your lungs.

"I can see it in your face. You want this just as badly as I do." Oscar's voice was low, sending shivers down your spine with the way he talked. "I already showed you how much of a match we can be, let me show you we can make this work."

You shouldn't, you really really shouldn't. If it all went south you didn't know if you could recover from him.

But it was hard to think when he was this close.

So you made a decision.

Even if it slipped away, it'd have claw marks from you. You were ready to try and keep him in your life with all your strength.

So you launched yourself forward, capturing his lips.

SMUT AHEAD - YOU'VE BEEN WARNED

His kiss was desperate, hands full on launching themselves at your body and holding you tight, as if you'd start to slip away right this moment.

"Osc! On the car?" You laughed, breaking the kiss, to which he immediately bent his head down to kiss your neck.

"Just this once." He was almost begging, trying to get you free from the seatbelt and into his lap. "I've wanted you for so long, love, please."

Too sweet? No, just the right amount.

You clicked your seatbelt and pushed it away, hopping onto his seat, back meeting the steering wheel, chest to chest, knees barely on the seat from how big his legs were.

The impression was that Oscar was ravenous, like a hungry man, devouring every inch of your skin he could, levaing behind a trace of his saliva and maybe some hickies, but neither of you cared.

His breathing was uneven, hands roaming your body like it was the curves of a circuit he needed to remember and dominate.

"Osc-" You hummed, feeling his hard-on pressing against you, dry humping it, pulling moans from both of you. "Fuck!"

"Didn't peg you as a tits guy." You laughed upon noticing both his hands lodged around your boobs, guiding you through them to ride his erection.

"I'm a Y/n guy, everything about you drives me insane." He confessed, moving his right hand to your ass, moving your body around his lap, feeling your thighs shake against his hips. "Love, please."

Your hands traveled down his chest, nails grazing his skin on top of the formal suit he had on. He looked like a prince, even though he was ready to fuck you like a soldier. Finally, your hands worked fast to take his belt off and open his pants.

His cock, finally freed from his underwear, was so hard already and leaking with pre-cum. You smeared it around as started playing with his tip, feeling his hips buck upwards.

You were looking at his face atently, seeing his expressions falter at your touch.

Oscar's eyes found your and they were dark like never before.

"You're such a fucking tease." He complained, stirring around, trying to feel more of your touch.

"Someone has to take the lead, huh?"

A spark flew past his eyes, hand moving up and grabbing a fistful of your hair, yanking it harshly.

"Osc!" You whined, head thrown back as his grip didn't loosen even slightly, sending a heat wave down your body, allodging itself in your pulsating core.

"Someone has to take the lead, right love?" He snapped back, a huge smile on his face as he watched you shake. "Enough with the teasing, pull your panties to the side and sink on my dick."

Fumbling with your hands, you found the slit of your dress and tucked your hand inside, founding the laced fabric that was already drenched, pulling it to the side.

Oscar helped you lodge on top of him, lining up your entrance and his lenght, one hand still holding you tightly by the hair and the other moving your ass around.

"Fuck, love!" He moaned as you started sitting on him, caressing your head, making you shiver and tighten even more. "When you feel it all inside you, you can take the lead back, m'kay?"

Your lips met each other's, drinking the moans away.

The further you sank on him, the more he sank on the driver's seat, feeling all the tension leave his body, finally feeling your insides.

Fully inside, he let go of your hair as he promised and allodged both hands on your hips, gripping you bot not forcing you to move.

"Think you're gonna last?" You asked, opening the buttons to his shirt, positioning both hans on each side of his chest.

He opened his eyes, the dark hungry was still there, much softer now, he looked drunk and so languidly happy. "We can leave the torture for the next times, can't we love?"

You wanted to tease him, and say maybe, that now the lead was back to your hands, you were going to make him last painfully, but you felt the tight knot on your low womb, and knew even you weren't going to last.

"Okay, Osc."

And you started to ride him, watching him give in and just become a moaning mess, still holding tight to your waist but completely gone.

"Fuck, love, you're- you're too good!"

You also didn't thought Oscar was going to be so talkative during sex, given his nonchalant ways, but when given pleasure he turned into a bubbling mess, talking nonsense.

"So good, so worth the wait." He mumbled, pulling you closer and moaning in your lips as you two kissed again. "You ride me so well." He kept going, as you started kissing his neck, wanting to hear more. "Don't stop, please don't stop, love."

His hands restored to gripping your waist and travelling up sometimes to carress your tits on top of your dress.

"You should be wearing less clothes, love, you're so pretty." He complained. "Are you close?"

"Mhmm."

"So am I. Cum with me, love." He groaned, voice too raw for his own good, messing around with your head. "Come on, baby." His hips started snapping up, meeting you halfway your ride.

A strained whine left your lips, hugging his shoulders and propping your head on your arms, launching your moans directly into his ear, pushing him further down his high.

"I'm- I'm gonna-"

Both your bodies started to shake and his big arms hugged you, pulling you closer, locking you in him as his cum spurted inside you, your knot finally snapping.

"You okay?" He asked a few moments later, feeling you go limp on top of him. "Still with me?"

"Shut it, Osc."

"Yeah, you're back."

You laughed, hugging him one last time before pulling up from him, immediately putting your panties back in place and returning to the passanger's seat as he zipped his pants back on.

He turned on the AC to clear the windows that became foggy from the heat irradiating from both of you.

You fixed your hair as much as you could, knowing it'd probably be ruined again when you went up to his hotel room. He offered you his blazer, to which you happily took and let it engulf you, hiding the hickied left on your neck.

He went around the car to open your door for you, helping you on your feet as he noticed your legs still shaking. He had that smug smile you got used to on the beggining of your flirting and it made you want to kiss him stupid.

"You think your plan of convincing me we're a match was 100% successfull?" You asked, crossing the hotel lobby still holding his arm, heading toward the elevator.

He leaned into you, voice just above a whisper, only for you to hear. "My cum is leaking out your pussy, you tell me."

You suffocated a smile, desperately pressing the button for the elevator.

SMUT ENDS HERE- WELCOME BACK!

.

"Okay so, I need to know." Lando asked, it was the day after the celebration, you were sharing a breakfast on the McLaren private jet with the rest of the crew.

You were sitting beside Oscar, Lando in front of you two, a little hungover but still curious.

"We're not telling you anything."

"You owe me this, I had to sit through one hour meeting with the pr team about not fucking in cars in the parking lot."

You choked a laugh, tecnically your contract with Lando was over, and you weren't a part of the McLaren anymore, so you got to sleep while Oscar and Lando had to be awake for a very stern lecture.

"Honestly, if you keep doing shit like this I'm gonna make you two pay for my therapy."

"Bill me, mate." Oscar snapped back, a huge smile on his face as he took one sip of a milk glass.

"Fuck you!" Lando answered immediately, shock written all over his face. "Honestly, I should've never put you two together."

"You didn't do shit." You retorted, throwing Lando even further down the insane hill.

He started to ramble about how he was the first matchmaker, how he handled you two talking about each other to him and it almost drove him insane, while you and Oscar just smiled.

You layed your head on Oscar's shoulder, sighing.

He was sweet, but never too sweet for you.

You breathed in his scent, a sharp woody masculine perfume that mixed perfectly with your sweet one. Exactly how you two were supposed to be, boldness in sweetness and sweetness in boldness, completing each other.

And whatever was going to happen to the both of you, you'd fight it, like he fought for you.

april 6th, 2025

Reblogs and feedback are appreciated! ♡

[indianascones]

Handmaid's Tale EP609

Spoilers

Prior to the writer's strike and the large gap in production, I covered Handmaid's Tale a lot and was looking forward to doing that with this final season. However, it's been a pretty unsatisfactory season. BUT, I want to stick Episode 9 for right now since it's the first time this entire season I've felt compelled to write about it at all. So I'm basically just gonna talk about the main course of this episode.

Let's start with the unsung hero, Luke:

Very happy they gave him a win, he needed it. In the previous season the writers seemed to sow a disconnect between June and Luke where they were most implying June was so permanently altered from life in Gilead that her bond with Luke was severed. All in all, very satisfied with the entire scene and how it played out, Rita having a gun, Luke making headshots, Aunt Lydia rebelling. This was a huge win for Luke's character especially considering the end of the episode.

Hero Luke: 0/🍅 and 3/💓💓💓

Commander Lawrence:

A tragically flawed and morally gray character. Honestly, one of the best morally gray characters I've seen in a long time. Lawrence was a man that attempted to push science with religion. He couldn't organize people to care about air quality, water quality, declining birth rates, so he used religion as the vehicle and quickly lost control of the car. Do I agree with what he did? No. Do I understand it? Yes. As someone that is also passionate about the environment and ethical consumption, I get it. Right idea, wrong method. Moving on...

This was his redemption, his sacrifice, I get it. But I feel like the reason Gilead continues for another 15 years after this (c'mon, you guy didn't really think Gilead was going to be dismantled with one episode left? Besides they already announced the sequel series so this isn't a spoiler) is because they lost their inside man. I respect the sacrifice, I like that he can now rest in peace with his wife, I just think it was too soon. His character would've known that and been able to get out of that situation. I know his death was necessary as well because noen of the commanders were on his side, he had no allies and was close to being on the wall.

Lawrence Death: 🍅🍅🍅 / 💓

Nick:

I was never a fan of his character, but even I can admit there was a serious character assassination this season. There were a lot of clues this season that there was a different writing team, but Nick's character downfall was certainly one of the biggest.

I want to break down his final scene as it's been a source of major discourse.

NO, I do not believe Nick knew what was about to happen. I do NOT believe his final conversation with Lawrence was a quiet acceptance of his fate.

Nick stalled before he got in the plane, you could see there was a discomfort. He didn't want to board. But once he saw Lawrence he relaxed, even made a smug remark about picking the "winning side". What I believe happened in that scene, is that Nick was anxious because of the attacks and he didn't want to be with the commanders, but once he saw Lawrence, it gave him a false sense of safety because certainly June and the Handmaids would NEVER sacrifice or risk Lawrence. But it also made him curious, because Lawrence wasn't supposed to be there so that meant something was going on that Nick didn't know about.

He can't blatantly ask Lawrence what's going on, he knows Lawrence doesn't care for him. The only thing those two men have in common is June and their care for her. But Nick is curious because Lawrence said "someone better than I" will be taking over his role in the plans. Nick breaks the ice by asking about June and receives a general response, it's short and Lawrence offers nothing else. Nick then decides to drop a few more June-bread-crumbs, saying June told him to get out and leave it behind several times. Lawrence's response is again short: "You should've listened."

It's there that people are speculating Nick realized what was happening and quietly accepted his fate. No. After seeing Nick crumble under Commander Wharton and sell out the Jezebel's plan there's no way I can believe that. What I believe happened is that he assumed something was going to happen in DC. Nick would never suspect an attack with Lawrence close by.

All in all, his death made sense because I knew the writers would never let their MC end up with a side piece. It also explains why they gave Luke the valiant redemption they did earlier in the episode. However, I am still not a fan of what they did to his character this season.

Nick Death: 0/🍅 / 💓💓 Nick Character Assassination: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

Ok, that's all I have for the closing scene, what lays ahead is my ranting about the episode and some of the season. Proceed at your own risk.

June:

She's a very annoying MC to be honest but this season what irritated me was the overuse of closeups on her. I get it, in real life Elizabeth Moss was pregnant during filming, but still. There was really no other way for them to work around it? They couldn't write it in the show that she was pregnant again? It's not like they're following the book at this point. But they wasted countless minutes on closeups for no reason.

June's declarations essentially mean nothing at this point because they were overused in the earlier seasons. Every other episode there was a closeup on her face with a voiceover and nothing would happen. To have so much of season 6 wasted in that way was disappointing.

The same can be said with the other camera angles.

The aerial view of the handmaids walking, lining up, complete with haunting music and slow motion. It fell flat because we've seen it so many times and it was done so much better previously. Like the eye above. All of the gimmicks just came off as wastes of time which frankly is a slap in the damn face for people that have spent their limited free time on the show.

Speaking of the handmaids, what was up with the opening song for EP 609?? Were they fucking forreal? First of all, the music all sucked this season, it was all terrible, but that song was a joke.

Rescue Scene:

Ok wtf was the point of this scene? What do you mean Luke and Moira couldn't get out but June and Nick could get in AND out? Granted Nick had to kill someone on the way out, but make it make sense. It used to be impossible to pass between the borders and now people are just walking across. I was sure Nick was going to die in that scene because I knew once they made Luke the loyal husband that waited and also takes care of another man's baby, Nick was never going to be in the picture. But I just don't see what purpose that served unless the entire goal was to emasculate Luke with his wife's side piece. I'm sure they wanted to have at least one meeting between the two men before the show ended but it was poorly executed.

Possible Twists for Final episode:

What if Rose is mayday. In the books it's Nick that's mayday. But Rose insisted he go to DC, despite her pregnancy complications. Despite the death of 37 commanders. And she spent a lot of the season in DC herself. For what? What business does a married woman in Gilead have to do on her own, while she's pregnant, in DC? It seems likely Rose could be Mayday and she told Nick to get on the plane because she knew what was going to happen. Don't forget, Rose knew about Nick and June's relationship. And being Commander Wharton's daughter she would know Nick told her dad about Jezebel's.

OR

Nick actually WAS Mayday and it's revealed, leaving June wracked with guilt. It would explain why he sold out Jezebel's and why he self-preserved so hard. Because he wasn't just saving himself, he was saving all of Mayday, and Mayday is the only weapon they have against Gilead right now.

That's all for now. My mind is scattered. This season has been very poorly written, it's undone a lot of groundwork from previous seasons and it's honestly jarring.

[coyotescribbles]

Like A House On Fire [Part 10]

Continuing from...

(I have spent like a week absolutely floored by migraines, but this is finally getting booted out the door TuT It's another one of those "the first draft is meh, but it'll get polished up in post" bits.)

-----

"Are you still sulking?"

"…" Adze growled quietly, fixing his attention straight ahead. "I am not sulking."

"You are. You are absolutely sulking," Bolo scoffed. "Did the human really offend you that badly?"

"I just don't understand why she had to come with us."

"You and your wounded pride, honestly. She apologized."

"That doesn't mean I have to want her in our unit." Adze's voice grew sharp and stuttered with annoyance. Of all the people to side against him, his own brother was the most frustrating. They'd both seen their entire battlegroup wiped out by humans, and now this?? He expected Hatchet to be soft, but Bolo?

It baffled him beyond comprehension. It was practically betrayal.

"She seems capable enough to me. I mean, she's already proven that she's got good aim-"

"DON'T. START."

"I'm just saying."

If he hadn't been tasked with maintaining the flank…

What really scraped his plates, though, was the fact that Bolo wasn't wrong. On any count. That single, unaugmented human had put out his optic while he was moving, in the dark, with a basic standard-issue rifle. If he hadn't closed the distance before she could get off a second shot, he knew that she could very well have finished the job.

And she had apologized for that, and for wounding his pride.

And the scrawny little thing had proven that she was, actually, capable of keeping up with them and pulling her weight.

(For the most part, anyway. Hatchet had looked ridiculous carrying her for half the night while she'd slept, but no amount of suggesting that they just leave her had gotten through the Devastator's thick faceplate.)

It was like sand in his gears, damn it, and he was going to have to deal with it until either the human jumped ship, or Hatchet handed her off to one of his CyOp contacts.

So, yes, he was sulking, even if he wasn't going to admit to it to that smug little rustbucket brother of his.

"…Come on," speak of the devil and he might just run his vocoder, "just admit it…"

"Admit what," he ground out flatly.

"You like her, too." Bolo sounded entirely too smug, and it took all of Adze's self-control to not throw something at his head.

"I do not. I am tolerating her!" He hissed, "and you only like her because she shot me!"

"It was an impressive shot," his brother just shrugged, "buuuut she's also nice now that she's not scared out of her mind."

"She's a snarky little pest, is what she is."

Bolo laughed in response to that, and all Adze could do was quietly fume to himself. To his brother's credit, he at least realized that he might be toeing the line a bit, and dropped the teasing.

And for a while, everything felt almost normal again, with the steady rhythm of their march and the low undercurrent of quiet conversation. Even Hatchet's conversation with his human, that he couldn't help but tune in to, listening in as they discussed the current situation with the planet's human population and the danger SEHC posed to them - at least, until he got a sharp ping over his receiver, and immediately knew he'd been caught eavesdropping.

[Don't you have a job to do, nosy little brother?]

[…Sorry, Hatchet. It won't happen again.]

[I know you better than to believe that. If you want to be part of the conversation, then come back here and participate, but don't eavesdrop.]

The connection was cut with a burst of static, and Adze let his shoulders slump, taking a moment to nurse his smarting pride. And then he straightened back up, and let himself fall in line with Hatchet.

"How nice of you to join us, little brother," the Devastator greeted him, earning a grumbled reply in return.

He did his best to ignore the human's insufferably smug little smile. Little pest.

"We were just discussing the evacuation," she said all too sweetly, like she knew he'd just gotten scolded; "I'd always had a sneaking suspicion that there was something fishy about Super Earth's stories, but this kinda blows all my suspicions out of the water."

"How nice, to finally have your eyes opened," Adze scoffed, "you're cleverer than most Helldivers, at least."

"Well, that's not exactly a high bar to clear, but I'll take a compliment wherever I can get one." The human shrugged, letting her rifle slip down to hang at her hip. "But… yeah, it - well, it isn't nice to have my eyes opened, as you put it, but I guess it's… vindicating? In a way? To know that we weren't the only disposable assets in SEHC's eyes."

He almost felt pity for her, then - the briefest twinge, that he promptly stifled.

"…Gotta admit, though," she continued, her voice lowering further, "I wasn't expecting to hear that SEHC used us SEAF regulars to do the dirty work. I mean, I probably shouldn't be surprised, considering some of the rumors from the Terminid front, but…"

"It would be far from the first false flag operation carried out by the High Command," Hatchet nodded solemnly. "Their self-victimization is the only way they can justify their eternal war."

"They wouldn't be able to sustain it if their people stopped cooperating with it," Adze's tone was curt. "They are all complicit, not just High Command."

"Hey, ease the fuck up, Two-Tone!" The human's rebuke was lightning-fast, and the glare she shot him was as sharp as the Commissar's blade. "You don't know the first thing about what it's like to live in that hellhole! When you've grown up with a not-so-figurative fucking gun held to the back of your head, then I'll care about your opinions on civvies and the regular military. Until then? Stifle it."

"At ease, Z," Hatchet gently cut in, before turning his attention to him; "Adze, do I need to give you a refresher on not needling allies, too?"

"No," he replied, pointedly looking away.

"Good," Hatchet turned his optics forward once more. "We must always remember that we are not so different from one another. There are cruel Automatons, just as there are cruel humans, and there are moral humans, just as there are moral Automatons. We stand apart only in the fact that we have never been made to fear those who made us."

The discussion tapered off after that, but Adze found himself reluctant to resume his position, opting to stay close to Hatchet… and the human… for the time being.

"…You are half right, though," Z finally spoke quietly, after a few long minutes of silence; "SEHC wouldn't be able to sustain this if civilians didn't cooperate. But everyone - and I mean everyone - is scared, and I don't mean of you and the bugs. People do… crazy, stupid things when they're scared."

"You would know," he muttered in return, earning a derisive snort from her.

"I would," she agreed with a laugh, "I mean, I was scared to death of fighting you and now look at where I am, walking right next to you instead."

Somewhere off to his right, he could hear Bolo snickering; all he could do was scoff, squaring his shoulders and looking straight forward. "You should have been scared. If Hatchet hadn't wanted you alive, I would have finished you off and not thought twice about it."

"Aww, I don't hate you, too, Two-Tone," she replied with that infuriating mock-sweetness of hers, drawing an angry stuttering from him.

"Stop calling me that, pest!"

"Okay, prick."

"Vermin-!"

Bolo was openly laughing now, and Hatchet just rumbled in exasperation.

"Knock it off, both of you, or I swear by the makers…"

[markantonys]

what's wrong with book!Min (gave up on books right now because i can't anymore, i'm on 4th I think? she is just not there)

book 5 is exactly when she started sucking haha so you stopped at the right time! i do get into some spoilers here, though i tried not to say anything too specific that you wouldn't have already known from the first few books (such as the fact that rand has multiple girlfriends and min is one, which her viewing revealed in book 2). also, maybe you won't even want to read this if you'd rather let your opinion of show!min continue on untainted, because i will say that 90+% of the things i'm about to complain about are very unlikely to be a thing in the show.

basically she just gets hit with an abysmal case of Men Writing Women: out of the blue she decides to throw her whole life away to chase rand down and make him love her, she changes her whole personality and style to try to cater to what she thinks rand would find attractive (i'm all for wanting to look hot for your man, but min herself doesn't seem to enjoy her new clothes or find them comfortable, and that's a problem), she stops having any relationships or connections outside of rand, she barely has scenes with anyone but him and in ensemble scenes she's just there to cling sexily onto him while having 0 dialogue because she has nothing to contribute to the plot-relevant discussion going on, she has no storyline besides barnacling herself to his side and being on tap for sex 24/7, she has no narrative role or in-world obligations besides Being Rand's Girlfriend, etc.

and on top of all that, you have fandom calling her ~Best Girl~ and saying that she is the only one of the 3 women who deserves to be with rand because she Puts Her Man First like a Good Girlfriend should, and fuck the other two for having the audacity to have responsibilities outside of being his girlfriend. fuck them for actually being complex, well-rounded characters with independent storylines and character arcs, right? we only like female characters who exist to serve men's storylines!

and on top of all THAT, she DOESN'T EVEN serve rand's storyline! she literally doesn't do anything! she always makes me think of the "let me ask you a very fair question. what DO you do successfully?" vine. you could cut her out of the entire series and very little would change. min fans claim that she was integral to keeping rand anchored during dark times because min and rand claim that is the case, but the actual scenes between them in the text do not back up that claim. i can think of ONE scene where min actually makes an effort to have a serious conversation with rand about what's worrying him; every other time she just stops his doom-and-gloom talk by punching him or waving knives at him or distracting him with sex. and the way people put her up on a pedestal for taking care of rand at his worst (which she doesn't actually do anyway) is a romanticization of the shitty idea that it's a woman's job to be the sole emotional dumping ground for her male partner. i guess it could simply be that Dating Your Therapist is a romance trope i personally dislike, but ugh, i HATE that vibe of their relationship and especially of the way the fandom talks about their relationship.

and on top of all THAT, their relationship is totally logic-breaking at times because rand will go "i'm so isolated and alone! i'm going to go snuggle up in bed with my live-in girlfriend and think about how isolated i am." he will go "i am so dangerous, i have to push away everyone i love! come on min, i'm taking you into the most dangerous magical event of the age during which many channelers will show up to attack us, even though you're a defenseless civilian and there's no reason you need to be there." it feels like RJ wanted to give rand an isolation arc but also wanted him to have a sexy mistress on his arm at all times, and could not understand that those two things are mutually exclusive (unless said mistress is just no-strings-attached sex, but that was not intended to be the case here, although the cognitive dissonance often makes it feel like rand DOES see min as just no-strings-attached sex rather than a real person whose safety he needs to worry about).

her behavior about the whole romantic situation also drives me nuts because she is SO possessive and jealous, which i personally absolutely hate in romantic relationships, though some people do find it attractive, including min herself - there's a scene where she tries to make rand jealous because she thinks it makes the sex hotter and i was like girl wtf? get some dignity. actually "girl wtf? get some dignity" is my attitude towards all her behavior about the relationship because listen, i fully support girls being silly over their crushes, but christ alive the way min comports herself brings me so much secondhand embarrassment. she'll be like "i'm sooooo mature and worldly, i will never lose my head over a man like OTHER women do, because i am Not Like Other Girls, i'm superior to them" (the Not Like Other Girls vibes is another huge annoyance about her character & fandom reception of her character) and then she'll proceed to go plop down into rand's lap and dandle herself on his knee in the middle of a political meeting to show off to everyone present that he belongs to her. girl, you are a grown-ass woman! get some dignity! she also has a shitty attitude towards the polycule situation, i won't say more since the details of that are beyond book 4 and this post is also getting super long, but suffice it to say that, surprise surprise, possessive and jealous people do not work well in polyamorous relationships.

but most of the above is the fault of the author (or the fandom), not the character. i can't exactly separate the two while reading because "RJ is writing min badly" very quickly blurred into "i feel super annoyed every time she is onscreen" very quickly blurred into "i can't stand this character," but it does mean that the show has a good chance to fix most or all of these problems with her because they aren't necessarily intrinsic to her characterization, they're just symptoms of RJ's weird ideas about het romance and gender norms. the show making her a world-weary 30-something-year-old who takes no shit and who is GNC in a queer-presenting genuinely-doesn't-care-what-straight-men-think-of-her-looks way rather than a not-like-other-girls-tomboy-who-still-caters-to-the-male-gaze way is already a HUGE step in the right direction!

[its-a-me-mango]

(Two Cents Anon) Glad to see we got a response about the workplace allegations! Imo it seemed pretty solid and I kiiiinnda understand why he remained quiet for awhile.

HOWEVER, I still find it odd that Kevin or Luke haven't said anything about the whole situation with Celeste, which, iirc, was what started all of this. I hope they speak up about that soon- I just want her to get a real solid apology :( Also, speaking of the Celeste situation, it really does feel like the result of just. Assuming and jumping to conclusions. Still makes me feel... weird in regards to watching SMG4/Glitch Productions, so I'll continue abstaining from it.

Oh god hi anon so sorry for taking forever to answer, I've been mega busy the past week so everything's been slow as hell </3 I was also waiting at first to see if anything else will happen but things seemed to have quiet down a bit so I'll say something now.

I agree, Kevin's response was a pretty solid one, acknowledging what Glitch's current working situation is like while also acknowledging how it was in the pass definitely show some growth and change since then. I feel that a more dishonest approach would be to completely deny everything and worse yet, not address it at all. I do think the past criticisms are valid and shouldn't be disregarded now, but having a more even distribution between good and bad experiences really helps balance things out.

However I do agree though, the lack of a response to Celeste is definitely disappointing, I get the main focus of Kevin's response was to address the working conditions allegations, but this would've been the perfect time to say something. I mentioned before that Celestes' situation is probably more of a private matter unfortunately, in that any conversations are going to be between Celeste and Glitch privately.

It'll be up to them if they wish to share it publicly again, if they do or don't is up to them, I can only hope that Celeste gets a proper apology and some kind of closure privately at least, it's kinda one of those things that is more personal and therefore doesn't have to be shared publicly. I'm just glad she doesn't hold any ill will towards Lottie, as we know she's innocent in all this, I'll respect any decision that they make in regards to who keeps voicing Tari.

It's sad to think this whole situation started from poor communication, we can all sit here and say how easy this was to avoid because in all honesty, it was very easy to avoid. We can only hope that Glitch learns from this, but it sucks that this comes at the expense of loosing one of their first VA's, and subsequently all the others who quit too. I still genuinely wish all of them the best and that they can move onto greater things.

I do think Jasmine's apology is all we'll get unfortunately, but it's at least something.

I get what you mean about still not feeling comfortable watching Glitch, I'm still not entirely comfortable with it, but for me personally I'm probably gonna go back to watching them soon, even if this never gets fully resolved. Don't get me wrong, I'm still upset and disappointed with Glitch over this, but I do genuinely believe they can improve from this, I'm willing to give them another chance basically.

Part of my reasons to stop watching was because of the workplace conditions, I was under the assumption every single employee was horrifically overworked and underpaid, and I would take no comfort in watching something I knew was made under those conditions. But now that we have clarified that those claims are not entirely true (again maybe for in the past but definitely not as much now), I can take some comfort in that.

I will still 100% keep myself and everyone else here updated incase any new developments happen, but I do genuinely think this is all we're going to get unfortunately. Wether you can continue to watch Glitch or not is entirely up to you and as I've always said, I hold no judgement towards anyone, if you're not satisfied enough to keep watching them, thats fine and understandable.

I don't want anyone to think I'll be forgetting about this just because I'm gonna go back to watching and making content soon, and neither should anyone else forget about this, I just genuinely think Glitch can improve and change from this and I'm willing to give them a chance. Obviously if something like this happens again then I'm done, but I've seen enough accountability this time around (albeit kinda weak) to keep watching them for now.

That's all I'll say for now, I'm still happy to keep hearing from people about this, I don't want this to become "old drama", it's literally 2/3 weeks old now that's not old, I'm old, my back aches.

[smoll-tangerine]

hi nini! first of all, congratulations on your one year tumblr writing anniversary!! you are one of the best, if not, the best writer on here and i'm so thankful for your masterpieces and will continue to support your future writings always ♡♡ for your special event i would like to request: jeno, 7. enemies-to-lovers!au & 18. "i'm not jealous" (how cliche i knowww but i trust you will execute this in a way that will leave me speechless)!!

[a/n] OMG HI LOVE. i haven't heard from you for a while, i hope you're doing well! thank you so much for your continuous support, i don't think i would be where i am today without it! ♡♡ i hope you enjoy this small scenario that i've written!

PAIRING. prince!jeno x princess!reader GENRES. romance if you squint your eyes, enemies-to-lovers!au, arranged marriage!au PROMPT. "i'm not jealous" WORDS. 852

It was tradition for all past crown princes and princesses to have a ball hosted in their honour for their 20th birthday, to signify the official start for the search for their significant other.

In short, it was a ball to find your future husband.

As the crown princess and future queen of the kingdom of Xerin, you had been taught since a young age that it was something that was inevitable. You had to do it because it was part of your duties.

However, unlike what many might think, you didn’t hate this tradition.

Or at least, not as much as your predecessors did.

Your mother, who was the current queen, found your father the same way, and they fell in love. They had a love so strong and beautiful that it made you wish that you had something similar to what they have, or at least an ounce of what they have.

You once believed that the tradition wouldn’t be necessary as you already had someone in mind in regards to who you wanted to be your future spouse.

You stole a glance over at Prince Jeno, one of the oldest princes from the Dream kingdom. He was the one you had in mind as the two of you were once as close as your parents were. But something shifted in your relationship’s dynamics, one that you couldn’t understand and still couldn’t comprehend today. Ever since then, you two hadn’t had a civil conversation.

Even though it was a ball in your honour, you couldn’t help but feel the loneliness creeping up on you as the only birthday wish you had for the longest time was for Jeno to simply look at you again.

“May I have this dance, your Highness?”

You broke out of your reverie to only see Prince Haechan extending a hand for you. Your lips pursed in apprehension — you weren’t really in a mood to socialize even though it was your birthday party.

But a nudge on the part of your mother forced a smile upon your face and to nod reluctantly at Haechan’s request.

You and Haechan barely danced for half of the song when someone suddenly barged in between the two of you.

“Prince Haechan, mind if I cut in?”

Your eyes widened in surprise as Jeno glared at his cousin. They then went back-and-forth between Haechan and Jeno’s extending hand. However, you also didn’t miss the small smirk that appeared on the former’s face as he accepted Jeno’s request.

“Of course not.”

You curtsied just the slightest at Jeno’s small bow as the music restarted for a new dance. Jeno’s hand tightened around your hand and waist whereas his face remained as stoic as ever. You frowned in response, not liking his attitude one bit.

“That wasn’t very polite of you,” you muttered through gritted teeth as you two waltzed. “Not to mention how you basically ignored royal protocol.”

Jeno scoffed. “Since when do we have a royal protocol when it comes to waltzing?”

You were slightly taken aback. “Since you asked to waltz with the princess that’s about to get married off to some random dude, then yeah, there’s a royal protocol, alright.”

Jeno’s expression hardened at your words, almost as if he was angry at the thought of it — but that was impossible, right? Why would he be angry, anyway?

But he proved you wrong. “As if I’d let you marry some random guy that you don’t even like.”

“And why on Earth would you even care about who I marry?”

Jeno’s silence was deafening.

“Wait…” Your cheeks felt hot at his lack of response. “Are- are you jealous?”

The prince’s jaw slackened even more and he refused to meet your eyes as he gritted out, “I’m not jealous.”

You squeezed his hand in anger, but nothing in his expression showed that it hurt. “Fine, whatever! Let’s just pretend you’re not jealous — then how is it any of your business who I’m marrying? What if I do like Prince Haechan? Who are you to prevent me from marrying him?”

“Haechan?” Jeno snorted almost in amusement. “As if he’s your type.”

You rolled your eyes. “And because you know my type so well.”

But the look he gave you following your sentence was indescribable and almost challenging. It felt as if Jeno was able to see through you perfectly and it was a feeling that left you nervous because the last thing you wanted was for him to discover your feelings for him. You were intent on keeping your feelings locked away and bringing them with you to your grave.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

God, you simply couldn’t take this anymore. How long did the song last and why was it not over yet?

“And how exactly are you going to prevent me from getting hurt, then?” you retorted.

“By marrying me.”

You almost tripped but you took your revenge by accidentally stepping over Jeno’s feet. “Excuse me?” you spluttered.

Jeno tilted his head before giving you a smouldering smirk.

“You will be marrying me.”

[beetlebumxo]

I Kind of Like Crazy (smut)

I Kind of Like Crazy (smut)

Pairing: Early 00s Damon x Reader

Word count: 3,916

Warnings: SMUT, language, the usual smut warnings... 

A/N: Based on "psycho" Damon from the Gorillaz Charts of darkness/Bananaz, also slightly inspired by the show "Ratched". Thank you to my friend Laura for this prompt/working out some of the ideas with me. As a backstory, (well, canon from CoD) Damon went "insane" as he claims he was "beaten up by cartoon characters" and ended up in a mental institution. This is the setting for the story.

--

It was his first day here, he had gotten into a fight before coming in. His face was scratched up, and a long white bandage was wrapped around his (presumably) aching head. 

"My name is Y/N, if you need anything just ask for me." I chirped while looking down at him. He was slumped in a chair, holding his head up with this hand, resting his elbow on the armrest. He was so intense, jaw clenched, staring down at the floor.

"Yea.." he said, barely raising his head to look at me. 

"Mr. Albarn.." I began as he lifted his head, barely moving his lips.

"Damon.." he mumbled in a soft, quiet voice.

"Damon… do you understand why you're here?" I questioned, trying to get a better look at him, but he only moved his head slightly towards me.

"Look, I've told you a thousand times…" His deep, tired voice was laced with frustration, I didn't want to push him anymore on the subject. 

"Listen, they're going to keep you here while the investigation is ongoing. There's a growing concern for your well-being, and I---"

"And you what?" He shot back, now looking directly at me through the long lashes that lined his blueish-green eyes. I straightened myself up as best as I could -- trying to brush off his somewhat rude response.  "And.. I believe you saw something. But right now I'm here to make sure you're ok, are you ok?" He just nodded.  “Ok, Damon, ok, just let me know if you need anything.” I said as I made my way out of the room.

------

(A week later)

Standing outside the building, leaning against the cool brick, I took a moment to take in the events that occurred over the last week.  Damon had finally taken a liking to me, or so I thought. He had this intensity about him and yet, he could be so silly and child-like. I had to admit I was very attracted to these qualities. He was so incredibly handsome, right down to the little cut on his perfect nose. The more I thought about him, the more I knew how wrong this was.

"Fuck, this is not good, Y/N, not good," I muttered as I reached for a cigarette.  

I rested my head against the wall and closed my eyes, the warm smoke filled my lungs -- I slowly exhaled trying to let my troubled thoughts go.

"You know, smoking is bad for you." There he was again, batting his box of cigarettes in his hand. Damon removed one long white stick from the box, brought it up to his lips, and began to light it. 

“Wait, how did y---” I began, but Damon interrupted.

"I like to live a little dangerously, love." He smiled, holding the cigarette between his imperfectly perfect teeth. His grin suddenly grew a little wider. “And well, maybe a little bribery goes a long way?” 

He winked and grabbed the cigarette from between his soft pink lips, to now rest between his slightly bruised fingers. I loved his hands, they were truly just as gorgeous as his face--  a little dirty, ragged, with perfectly placed veins. 

He paused, shifting his gaze from his cigarette over to me again. "Tell me, why do you always do that?" He said, cocking his head to the side.

"Do what?" I smiled softly.

"Well, the way you.. kind of, sort of -- wrap your hair around your finger when you're nervous, the way you, uh,  bite your lip when you're unsure. The way you always have to make sure your skirt is pulled down low enough, because sometimes you're just a little insecure about that scar on your leg, yeah?"  

He smiled slyly at me. I squinted my eyes at him, somewhat flattered he had been paying such close attention to me.

"I see you've been studying me, hm?"   I curled my lips into a small smile, taking another long drag of my cigarette.

"Y/N.." he exhaled as smoke covered his slightly crooked bottom row of teeth.  "You're very pretty to look at, you know?" His eyes were focused on me. I felt heat rising to my cheeks, which were probably flushed by now. 

I cleared my throat --  "Oh.. thank you. You’re pretty easy on the eyes too." was the best I could come up with. I wanted to tell him how he'd been on my mind, how I couldn't stop thinking about him--, but I couldn't bring myself to do it-- that would have been completely inappropriate. 

"Who wouldn't fancy this?" He laughed while batting his long lashes. I could tell he was only half-joking -- he knew he was absolutely gorgeous.

“You are something, Damon.” I shook my head and laughed.  “I have to head back now, ok?” I really didn’t want to break up the conversation.

“Yeah, ok.” He said.

I turned to leave when he unexpectedly grabbed my hand. My hands began to sweat, my heart began to beat fast. I looked down -- his hands were big, his fingers were so long and beautiful, I loved how his hand felt gripping mine, even for that short moment. 

"I'll be seeing you, Y/N" he said with a smile. I smiled back --  this was trouble.

---

(The next day)

I tried not to let on how much Damon had an affect on me. I had to push the feelings down and keep this professional. Damon was sitting on his bed as I approached. I took a long, deep breath--

"Ok, I need to be a real nurse today and check how you're healing." I chuckled, bringing my hand to his chin to examine him. I tried to choke down all of my feelings and simply do my job.

"So, what were you on the other days, then?" He smiled a small devious grin.

My hand just barely touched his skin, but I could start to feel a slight tightness and warmth in my stomach again. He was even more beautiful up close - those blue eyes, that perfect nose -- and a smile that just melted my heart. I must have been studying him a little too long, I could feel his eyes on me. 

Just then, Damon lifted his hand to my wrist, moving it in such a way that we were now face to face.  Everything was happening in slow motion, as I stared into his eyes. He reached out pulling me closer, leaning into me, his lips inches from mine-- his warm breath on my face 

*click* -- it was the door handle. I jumped back, breaking the tension--it was only my colleague doing rounds. 

"I, I, I should go.." I stuttered as my heart and mind were racing. Damon just smirked at me, he knew exactly what he was doing. 

"Aww..." he teased. He looked me up and down again, I shifted my eyes quickly around the room. I didn't know what to say, the whole incident had taken me by surprise.  I walked back into the hall and tried to pull myself together again. 

--

(The following day)

I had success with avoiding him for most of the day -- this gave me more time to think about how to handle whatever this was. Oh, but he was so perfect. I let out a heavy sigh -- I needed to take a break to just clear my head. I made my way to the small back stairway. The door slammed shut behind me, echoing through the empty space. As I reached the platform, I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Ahhhh what the fuck??” I yelled.

"Shh, shh, love it's only me." It was Damon reassuring me. His hair was slightly messy, poking out from the white bandage that was still wrapped tightly around his forehead. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“Ugh, Damon!” I looked at him angrily, but after a few moments my face softened “Oh....... fine. I can’t stay mad at you.”

“Few people can.” he winked.

“So let me guess how you got out..hmm..let’s see...” I placed my hand on my chin --   "You know, I’m going to just take a guess that you're not used to hearing the word 'No' very often are you?" I said with a small smile, assuming that he had charmed his way out again.

"You certainly wouldn't tell me 'No' now would you?" He now made direct eye contact with me, turning more serious and intense. 

"That depends on what you're asking --- Damon."  I gave in and reached out, playfully running my finger up his arm. There I was touching him again, I couldn’t help myself. I noticed his little slightly indented tooth as he smiled at me.  He grabbed my arm and pulled me close, my breath hitched.

"What am I asking? Oh, Y/N.." his voice cracked a little bit-- his tone was so dark, deep and sexy. I could almost feel the heat radiating off of his body as he leaned in close to my ear.

 "I've seen the way you look at me, and how you shift your body.." his lips brushed my ear "..when I do this" he began to run his calloused fingers over my hand.  I felt a jolt of electricity run down my spine, these feelings were too much--  "I mean, do you really think you could tell me, 'No' now?" He smiled a smug, overconfident smile. I felt pressure building in my stomach. I pulled away and looked into his eyes again.

"Mhm, you know, this is not very….professional. “ I teased.

Damon now had a devilish smirk across his handsome face. He backed me against the railing and ran his large hand against my cheek. He slowly leaned in and kissed me. Pressing his lips to mine I opened my mouth as he pushed his tongue in. I felt a rush, and a throbbing in my core. He held his hand against my jaw and continued to explore my mouth. I brought my hands up to his jaw pulling him into me, tasting his mouth on mine. The pressure was building up inside of me but at the same time, it was a release, as if this most basic craving for him was finally being satisfied--even if only briefly. 

"Too much?" He smiled. I stood there watching him, I wanted so much more. He smirked then clicked his tongue as he walked back up the stairs. What a tease he was.  I braced myself against the railing, breathing hard. "No…. no, it wasn't too much. Oh….. shit." I muttered, unsure if he could hear me.

--

I lingered against the railing for a few minutes, taking in what had just happened.  I took a moment to catch my breath before making my way back upstairs. My entire body was aching for him. My breaths began to quicken, as I thought about his lips, his hands, his body pressing into me. 

I made my way back to the office, it was very late now, almost everyone had gone home. I went to tidy a few papers before leaving, when suddenly, as if on cue, he was at the door--

“I couldn’t stay away, and I know you didn’t want me to.” He began.

"Oh, I don't know.." I smiled.  "But, what are you bribing those nurses with, again?" I teased. 

"Well, wouldn't you like to know?" He flirted back, leaning his tall frame against the door.

"And just maybe I would....could it be you're just one of those… naughty boys?". I didn’t care to keep this professional any longer -- he had pushed me over the edge -- 

He chuckled, closing the door behind him. He walked up to me pushing my back against the desk. As I gripped the side, he began to run his fingers along my hand and slowly up my arm. I could feel my body temperature begin to rise from his movements.

"Maybe I'll just show you what a naughty boy I really am."  Oh, the way those words rolled off of his tongue -- "Y/N…. I'm not actually crazy, but you are driving me completely insane." He said.

“I kind of like crazy, Damon. I need more." I purred. My next breath was caught somewhere in my chest, I could barely breathe feeling his body pressed tightly against mine. Pressing his long fingers to the side of my neck behind my ear, he stretched his hand out just enough to run his thumb very lightly over my bottom lip.  I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breathing.

“Are you sure?”  He tilted my head up and began to leave a trail of small fiery wet kisses on my neck. "Like that?" My body was completely on fire now. All I could mutter was a breathy "Like that....." 

He shifted just attention back to my mouth, pushing his large tongue in so deeply. My hands slowly began to roam his sturdy, strong body. I managed to squeak out a few words as he pulled away for a moment.

"Wait--” I had a moment of clarity, before I was swallowed again by his charm. “Do you know how much trouble we would be in if we were caught right here?" I asked.

“I told you, I like to live dangerously.” he replied, grabbing my face with his hand pulling me closer to him while running his thumb over my lips again, this time smearing my lipstick all over my mouth and chin. I grabbed his hand and began to kiss and suck on his beautiful, long fingers, leaving small traces of whatever lipstick was left. He began to push his fingers in and out of my mouth, slowly at first, but then a little faster.  I could tell that he liked what I was doing to him as the bulge in his pants grew.

I grabbed his face, kissing him again, pushing my tongue back in his mouth, running it over his crooked bottom row of teeth --  I sucked at his bottom lip gently taking it between my teeth. 

He grabbed my hips with his large hands and sat me on the side of the cherry wood desk, the pressure from his fingers on my hips was almost too much for me. He brought his hand back up to my face and began to kiss me harder, slowly moving his lips to my neck as I carefully ran my hands through his hair.

My body tingled with nervous excitement as he began to unbutton my uniform, starting at the top, working his way down. His lips were back on me, slowly kissing my collar bone. I threw my head back, letting out a soft moan. I wanted him to devour me whole. 

He moved down to my chest barely grazing my skin with his teeth. He made quick work of freeing my breasts from my tight bra. Cupping my left breast he began to suck and lick at my soft sensitive skin. Running his thumb over my nipple, he brought his tongue to my right breast, slowly licking while squeezing my left. It felt so good the way he was paying attention to exactly what my body needed. I could only reply with another moan as I felt a wetness pool beneath my panties. 

He sat down in the chair and pulled me to the edge of the desk. He slowly pushed my legs apart revealing my completely soaked panties, and began to slowly rub his finger up and down over and over again. 

"Why don't you let me take care of you for a change, darling?" he said. 

“Yes.. please.. please...” I panted.

I felt him press his warm tongue against the wet fabric of my panties. Feeling his warm breath on my thigh, he began to slowly lick long wet stripes up and down my underwear. With the pressure of his tongue and the tip of his nose against the thin material that was so close to my heat, I only wanted him to remove the barrier between us and push his tongue in, but he only kept teasing me.

"Oh, Fuuckkk ...." I whispered, as I watched him continue to tease me.

He stood up and finally removed his shirt and unzipped his pants. Oh, he was so big I almost gasped at finally being able to see what he had been hiding from me. He stood against the desk and ran his long index finger along my panties but this time looping them around his finger and pulling them off. I could feel the cool air hit my wet core.

"Oh, just look at you." He hissed as he licked his left index finger and pushed it deep inside of me. His words alone were enough to push me over, but I held back. My body jerked back as he began to finger me.

"So good.." He whispered in a low voice, as he pushed a second finger in and began to pump them in and out. He muffled my moans by placing the fingers from his right hand in my mouth, while the fingers from his left hand were inside of me. I began to ride his hand hard while clutching onto the side of the desk. He rubbed my clit more and more with his thumb, pushing me closer to the edge. 

His hard cock was now directly against my wet folds as he stood between my legs, I wanted him to just finish the job so badly. He looked at me in awe, watching the pleasure across my face. I leaned forward pulling his face down to me, licking his wet lips. I lightly kissed and licked the little cuts and bruises across his beautiful face. I slowly moved my hips against his hard cock. "Mmhm," he moaned, trying to control himself as he began to buck his hips against my core.

"Fuuck, I want to be inside your tight wet cunt" he moaned.

“Please..." I begged as I thought about how incredible he would feel inside of me.

"Please what, love? Tell me what you need.". He moved his ear up to my lips. Fucking tease.

"Take Me. Fuck me…..  Ruin me." I said as I grazed his ear with my teeth, lightly pulling at his little hoop earring. 

“Ruin you?” he chuckled, pretending as if I had offended him. “I don’t know if I---.” 

Before he even finished his sentence - with one quick motion, he was deep inside of my wet, aching core. I let out a gasp as he began to thrust hard and fast, hitting my spot almost every time.

"Damooonnnn.. " I moaned. He pulled me up into a sitting position on the desk, pushing harder into me. I leaned into him, wrapping my legs tightly around him-- he began to pant and breathe heavy in my ear, while every now and then, kissing and licking at my shoulder. His eyes were dark and filled with lust, his breaths were quick and ragged.  I loved the sounds he made -  small little groans of pleasure. I gripped him, digging my nails into his burning skin, hoping to leave my mark. He looked so delicious, screwing his face up whenever I would clench myself around him as he buried his face into my neck.

"You feel..so.. incredible.." he said in between heavy breaths.  I bit my lip hard as I felt my stomach tighten again.

I felt him pull away, removing himself, causing me to let out a small whimper. His strong arms flipped me over, pushing me down, bending me over the desk. My breasts were now pressed tightly against the wooden surface.

He teased me again with his tip, running it up and down my wet folds, as he leaned forward, pressing me down, his large hands directly on top of mine, I felt a slight pressure from the weight of his body -- but I wanted to feel him so badly. I wanted to feel that force on me. He slowly began to kiss and lick my ear.

"Fuuckkk ---" was all I could get out before he slammed back into me again. I could feel his hands now gripping my shoulders, I felt him push his thumbs into my back-- hoping he would leave a mark on me, too -- I wanted to be his. Reaching his left hand over, he began to rub my clit harder and faster as he thrust into me. He was so big, and I was so wet. I could feel the edge of the desk rubbing against me, which made it harder for me to maintain control, it wasn’t going to be long. 

Damon let out a few low, sexy growls as he pushed into me -- it became too much. My orgasm hit hard.  I threw my head back as my whole body clenched and tightened. My legs went weak as I finally released all tension -- I could hardly hold myself up. Damon removed his grip and I pushed myself up from the desk. He was so gorgeous, his beautiful face was just staring right at me. 

“Oh, sweetheart, that felt good, didn’t it?” He smirked, while rubbing himself. I still wanted him, even after those intense waves of pleasure washed over me, I still really wanted him. He had such an affect on me.

“You really know what you’re doing, huh?” I managed to reply.

“I’ve had some practice.” he smirked again. “Mmm..now.. how about you help me feel good?”

I nodded. I would have done anything he asked me to. I laid back down on the desk, as he stood between my legs. I let out a few moans to try and entice him. “You are so fucking beautiful, tell me, where do you want it?”

I moved my hand to my stomach, I watched it rise and fall quickly with each breath. I was still trying to recover.  Damon began to rub himself harder. I watched as he threw his head back in pleasure. “Mpphh”. He moaned. It was so hot just watching him, knowing I was the one he wanted. His breaths became ragged as he reached the edge - suddenly his whole body jerked, as he released his warm, hot liquid on my stomach. He was breathing so hard. I was sitting up on my hands, leaning towards him. He reached out and pulled me close to his face, gently kissing my salty lips.

"That was.. everything I hoped it would be, love.” He paused.  “I just can't wait until I'm out of here."

I pulled back, looking him in the eye. "Oh..?" I said, not sure what he meant by that response. Damon could tell that I was a little concerned.

"Oh..” he chuckled. “Sweetheart, so we can do this all of the time, you know..?” His face was flushed and still slightly sweaty. He was so fucking gorgeous, I still could not believe what just happened. "I really, really want to take care of you. I want to do this properly, love. You deserve that. I want to make you feel so good. You're incredible in so many ways" he continued. “I want to be with you, if you'll have me.”

I grabbed his face, slowly running my thumb over his pink-tinged lips. His eyes were soft, he looked even more handsome, if that was even possible. 

"I would love nothing more...." I closed the space between us and brought my lips back up to his; I felt him smile. 

[indigooey]

Okay, Shina. I tried to keep this as contained as I could, but if you want to drag this out into the big wide open then I will meet you in return. TW - Under the cut: mentions of nonconsensual acts and nsfw topics

Fist and foremost, this was the full statement that I made in my server that my moderators approved as well.

Months ago, I talked to you about how minors were coming to me with concerns that you were making dead dove/non-con content and posting it with the very same username you use for sfw. AO3 is not a very secure site and you know you have mixed age audience. It is irresponsible for you to be posting these things in a place that anyone can get into, especially if they just search up your name on AO3 or look at your other fics. We had a whole discussion about this before and you even agreed with me and I thought that this would change your choices in the future. I was wrong, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Then I was informed that you discussing your fanfic concept "filk" in my server with a minor (17 at the time) in channels that other minors were present for and had the potential to ask about or chime in on.

You can hide behind the absurdity and the humor of this fic concept all you want, but at the end of the day, this fic is and NSFW mpreg kink fic that, and I quote, "makes Stanley into a baby making machine" In this fic he also asks narrator "whats a penis?" and the narrator is actively excited to explain and to impregnate him. This is the document you sent to me and when I talked to you about how bad this was, you even agreed with me and understood why I needed to ban you. I didn't think it was necessary to make it a public matter because it seemed self contained. I thought you would take my words to heart. I found out through the grapevine, however, that you mocked what I was saying and told people I was being cruel to you and to take down your work. This is false and you know this is false, but I won't share the screenshots of our conversation for the sake of your privacy. However, the newer issues that came up rose my alarm bells once again. I was getting reports of minors in my server mentioning your work frequently and talking about you with other minors. This worried me considering the nature of some of your work that can be accessed just by looking you up. I then saw that one of these minors was shipping themselves with your narrator, Jester. I understand that younger fans are going to be infatuated with a design. I've had plenty of kids talk about how they wish they could date Arthur, my narrator. This is how I handle that kind of interaction:

This is how you handled it:

Machi is 15 years old. And as I stated in my announcement

And as you already made clear, you posted a fic on your main sfw channel that contains rape. Not just the mention of rape, but I was told that in this story Stanley is raped to the point of death. I have not read your fic, but I do trust the source that I was told this information.

And then to perfectly exemplify the danger of this, this interaction occurred.

A simple click on their profile or even looking slightly to the right or hovering over their pfp would have shown you that this reader is a minor.

So, no. Shina. I am not going to retract or apologize for this announcement. I think that it has gone unaccounted for way too long. I don't think that minors should be interacting with your content and I don't think you are responsible enough with it around kids. I think the best step you could take would be to make your profiles meant for 18 and older only. You continuously loosely use very dark subjects and casually intwine dub-con themes into your work (basically everything sexual about fernarator that you shared in the adult section of my server was dubcon) and don't see it as a problem or something that should be contained from the public. That is not minor safe and it was making everyone I know who knows your work very nervous to see kids in our server talking about you and promoting you to other kids. However I'll end with this. I never. Never never never. Called you a groomer or a pedo. I never told anyone to go after you. Any hate sent your way, I disavow completely. I even said so in my server only minutes later:

I don't think you're a bad person but I do think that the mistakes you have made (and these are just the ones I know about) made me wary enough to warn the kids in my server about interacting with you further. If you think I could have handled it better, maybe that is so, but in return I would argue that if you had handled your own content better I wouldn't have felt the need to make a heads up post as I did. I know this won't make a difference and I'm still going to be seen as the big bad guy who went after poor, sweet Shina, but I'll do what I feel is right in the end. I only ask that you stop playing the victim on this and own up to the mistakes that I only brought up within my own space. I understand that you believe that the way that I handled this situation is "immature" and "could have been handled differently" but frankly I disagree. I think that minor fans needed to be alerted and that wouldn't have been accomplished if I whispered it in the shadows in DMs or just talking to you only. Your negative response to this is a reaction to the issues being brought to light. Plain and simple. It brings me no joy to make posts like this and I even had one of my trusted teammates quit because all of this drama was getting too out of hand with the backlash you were pushing back with instead of just taking accountability with any amount of grace and sending people to run defense for you. Here's the thing: the things that you did are not defensible. Do I think you're the worst person on earth? No. Do I think you're a criminal? No. But do you and others need to defend the things you did wrong? Also no. Please just accept it and stop dragging this any further. Thank you for reading.

I’ve received notice that there was a callout on me in the Stanley Parable Creator’s Club server and I would like to address it as I am a bit tired of people talking behind my back. I wasn't contacted by anyone from the server directly about the issue. 

The specific accusations were that I openly discussed a fic with NSFW themes to a minor, shared NSFW fic online without properly warning it for minors, and encouraged a self insert ship of one of my Narrator designs with a minor. 

These accusations are false, or blown entirely out of proportion. I have never intended to hurt people nor endanger minors and based on screenshots I've received, people have been spreading even more extreme misinformations, like me being a groomer. I want to tell the story with the mentioned earlier things, in hopes to clear up this matter and stop the harassment me and people received. 

1) Sharing NSFW Fic Online

I have been informed that I posted a link to my fic, "A broken promise", without a proper warning. 

I did put appropriate warning in the tags, however I did forget about archive warnings options and I misjudged that the T rating would suffice. I also had only mentioned the rape in tags and not in the ao3 warning. I will be more careful when publishing work in the future.

I've deleted the links on my posts and privated the work, as I do not want anyone else to get possibly harmed.

2) Filk

I was informed my never written fic was discussed in the discord as well with a completely incorrect premise and I would like to mention the idea to give people more insight into what it actually is supposed to be, despite the fact that it was never actually written. 

Filk (Fernator's milk) is based on a joke someone made from another fic of mine, "Bon appetit 1.5 - Chicken soup is served " where Stanley buys milk and pickles, and we called it pilk. Somebody made a joke that this is like a pregnancy craving and I decided that that would make a funny CRACK fic premise. Again, I never have written this fic, and the only place it ever existed was in a series of messages in a private discord.

The whole point of crack fics is that it has a stupid premise. In here, it was one of my Narrator's, Fernator, telling Stanley he would make him pregnant. I know that this sounds like the problem, but that was just a premise.

What really happens in the fic is that Fernator tells Stanley about human reproduction but after that, the majority of the fic is a sfw adventure on how viruses, bacteria, and plants reproduce. 

With bacteria, Stanley just gets copied, with viruses, Fernator creates a computer virus and it doesn't work so they move on, and with plant, the title filk comes in which is milk with fern spores in it. It ends up just in Stanley's foot. The end goal was for them to just get the cutout Baby as their child and then, the main fic that I talked about would end. After a while, they would realise they didn't really succeed and would try to make something, pouring filk onto Fernator and creating Pickle Rick.

The accusations of this being a non con confuse me as Stanley is happy to be brought onto this journey and there are no actual sexual activities involved in this not written project. 

3) Art with minor

One person was very supportive of one of my Narrators, Jester (they drew him a bit), and even started to call him their husband. Since they're my friend, I wanted to make them happy, so I drew something I deemed wholesome and platonic. They also took my drawing this way. 

In my eyes at the time, when I made the art, I never thought of this 'ship' as anything other than admiration for a design. 

However, that context got lost when they reposted my art on that server with my permission. 

I now see how people could think otherwise and I will be far more wary about this topic in the future.

However, while the announcement didn't use the exact word 'groomer', it highly implied it. I feel wronged for that as I received a lot of harassment in my direct messages. 

I would like a statement and an apology from the announcers because their words caused a lot of harm.

4) Conclusion

I want to finish this off with being honest about the mistakes I've made of not properly checking sfw spaces - which started all this - and talking about suggestive matters within them. The fanfiction link was certainly a slip up but I will be more careful in the future of what I post. 

However - I also want to say that it's not okay to harass people who got involved in this.

I myself have received false accusations already and seen my work be misinterpreted. I only learnt about this through buds giving me a notice and I do ask, if a similar situation would ever occur, which I don't plan on, to message me directly first about my mistake.

In the future, I will remember to double check where I discuss my fic ideas and I'll do everything in my power for this situation not to repeat. 

Thank you for reading.

[rreeaahh]

Arms Tonite | draco malfoy

Arms Tonite - for @vogueweasley​ ‘s writing challenge (inspired by the song)

pairing: draco malfoy x fem!reader (ravenclaw)

words count: 10k - lyrics in italic

summary; your relationship with draco went from strangers, to lovers, to strangers again - but it broke the barrier between life and death.

warnings: the word “mudblood”; swearing; death eaters; voldemort; death of a character; some fluff; angst; kinda sad; slow burn; blood mention; (that’s all i could think of, please let me know if there are more!)

a/n: im so so so sorry if thats too long, my loves! i got carried away by this idea - i had it in my mind for so so long i used @vogueweasley 's writing challenge as motivation. again, congratulations mere! You're one of the first writers ive followed here, and I'm happy to see your blog growing❤️

 “Can I sit there?” you asked softly, embracing the pile of books to your chest. They were all for your Potions’ essay, where you really wanted to excel, only to prove Professor Snape what you were capable of.

Since the first year, Snape turned out to be a walking nightmare for all the students in the entire castle, especially for the ones who hadn’t a green tie around their neck. Being a Ravenclaw, the desire to know more was a normal thing for you: always asking questions and making assumptions only to gain more information made Snape grow a feeling of hatred towards you. He’d externalize that hate by giving you extra work, asking you questions you had no idea to answer, criticizing your skills in front of the class – basically, everything he could do to embarrass yourself and to show your classmates that you weren’t as smart as you wanted to introduce yourself.

“What?” the boy asked in confusion, his fingers squeezing the silver quill he was using to take notes from a booked that seemed to be about Transfiguration – a subject where you were at the top of the class, as Professor McGonagall told you proudly.

“I asked if I could stay here,” you repeated in a quiet voice, not wanting to disturb the rest of the people who were struggling with their work. “All the tables are taken and that’s my spot, usually,” you added when he frowned his brows, scanning the room.

“Yeah, whatever,” he said careless, going back to his piece of parchment. “That’s my spot usually, too, but I haven’t seen you here,” he whispered as you sat down, in front of him.

“I don’t think we share classes, so I think we don’t go to the library at the same time. But maybe it could be our spot from now on.” Your explanation made the blonde boy look away, his cheeks running paler while the skin of his neck, revealed by the crack of his unbottoned shirt, seemed to burn.

The silence fell on you two, the room being filled only with whispers and quills running their ink on the papers. You really had to impress Snape with that essay, you had enough of his comments and ugly looks – he was a great teacher, a very skilled person, but he had a horrible way to be human – that if he could be considered a human being. Deep down you feared Snape – his cold eyes, his fluttering cloak and his loud steps: all of that gave you goosebumps all over your body. Thinking of those you felt your breath tangling up in your throat, and the letters started to dance in front of your eyes. At first, you looked around the room, searching for the Weasley twins, but it wasn’t a prank: it was the stress which took control over your mind, playing tricks and messing with you. Your throat was dry, and every time you tried to swallow your saliva it felt like you had sand in your mouth. Your tablemate seemed to notice your discomfort, because he looked at you under his eyelashes, his right brow raising in confusion or annoyance.

“What are you doing?” he asked, now looking at you without any reservation.

“Hm?” you buzzed, making eye contact with him. You couldn’t figure out if he was surprised by your daring glare, or intimidated or amused – he only kept on looking into your eyes, not revealing any true emotion.

“You keep on swallowing and it looks like you’re drowning or something.”

“Oh, I’m fine,” you smiled politely, which made him go back to his work. But when you kept on acting like you couldn’t breathe, he dropped his quill on the table and look like you with frustration. “What?”

“You’re distracting me, obviously,” he rolled his eyes. “Some of us are trying to focus, so keep quiet or leave.”

It was very rude of him – in your opinion – to talk to you, a complete stranger, like he could give you orders; especially when you did nothing wrong.

“Me too,” you sighed, “It’s only that…” But you stopped in the middle of the sentence, reminding that you didn’t know who you were talking to, and he probably didn’t care.

“Only what?” he asked, making you look at him again. His face was blank – relaxed, like he was an emotionless metal can.

“I’m not that good with Potions, so I’m struggling a little bit,” you smiled with shame, not knowing exactly why you felt that way admitting you weren’t good at something.

“We all are struggling,” he said like it wasn’t a big deal, pointing to his Transfiguration book. “Some of us on simple things, I see,” he commented after he took a sight at the books you chose and the big title you wrote on the parchment.

“Then maybe we could help each other,” you proposed, smiling at him in a friendly nature. He didn’t seem to understand your idea, given the frowned brows and half eyes that were starring at you. “I’m good at Transfiguration, the best if we’re to follow McGonagall’s words, so I could help you if you help me with my Potions essay.”

He took a moment to think, looking back and forward to your books and his, to your parchments and his – yours were filled with paragraphs and his were decorated with meaningless drawings. “I only need some notes, it’s not fair to do your whole essay in exchange of some stupid phrases,” he said like you were trying to fool him.

You chuckled and leaned back on your chair. “Yeah, nothing’s free,” you smiled, “Ok, then I’ll write your notes and you’ll write me the main ideas – after that I’ll write it on my own.” He stayed thoughtful and quiet, looking at your face; you tried hard not to run your fingers to your cheek, searching for dirt or anything that had him starring. “Deal?” you asked.

He held out his hand in your direction. “Deal,” was his only response, waiting for you to conclude the pact. And you did – you gently shook his hand, the skin of his palm feeling smooth against your own, like he was using lots of lotion every night before going to bed. But it was a nice feeling, which led a wave of warmth all over your body along with a good premonition about how he’d do your homework and him, in general.

The two of you switched your belongings, the only item that wasn’t switch being the quills – he was holding his like it was the biggest treasure he ever had; and maybe it was, you thought. Maybe it had an emotional story and he wanted to keep the quill only because of the memories it hold, but maybe he was only careful with what belonged to him. You never really had anyone to help you with your work – when you were a child your parents encouraged you to keep on trying by yourself in order to succeed, and you grew up avoiding other’s help, only to prove them that you could do it alone. After a while, in your third year of Hogwarts, you wanted to be helped, but it seemed like your older housemates were too busy and the ones your age were looking for you to help them. So, to be in the library on a Friday afternoon, helped by a boy you never crossed paths with before seemed like a new – and somehow exciting – experience. It was nice to write on the parchments which had their edges and corners filled with something that seemed to be flowers or some kind of plant with curled leaves. You often asked him questions about what you should or shouldn’t write, and depending on his answer you’d write down more explicit notes, as he kept on commenting how many useless things you’ve wrote in your essay by far – but he was funny, telling you that you should give Snape the essay the way it is so maybe you all could be lucky and get rid of the sulky teacher sooner than expected.

After some time, they boy looked at the silver watch on his left wrist and put down the quill. “My study time’s over,” he announced and you also put down the writing instrument, handing him the papers you tried to write as eligible as you could. “That’s all?” he asked and scoffed.

“Actually, I have more things to add, but…” You tried to say, but he already began to gather his things, closing the Transfiguration book and folding the parchments. “We could meet tomorrow, or Sunday,” you proposed and also got up when he did. You tried to make eye contact with him one more time, not paying that much attention to the height difference between you two.

“Again?” he spoke, fulfilling your wish. His eyes were mesmerizing – such a light blue, reminding you of a sunny sky.

“Yeah, I mean, if you want – it would be beneficial for both of us to finish what we started.”

And he thought that way too, because the next day he was already in the same spot of the library, all by himself, trying to decipher the entangled letter you wrote the other day. “Maybe Snape doesn’t like you because of your handwriting,” he said when you sat down, making you smile and chuckle – an action that caused him to have a little smile in the corner of his lips, too. And those smiles continued to grow on your faces, because besides the theoretical information you two changed, there were also a little funny comment slipped through the conversation.

“See you tomorrow?” you asked while gathering your things, because that time you were the one who needed to leave earlier.

“I can’t,” he simply said. “I have to study.”

“Isn’t that the reason we met here today?” you laughed, “To study together?”

“No, we met today to finish our deal – which is pretty much done,” he explained in a plain voice, pointing to the pages in your hand. The structure of the essay was done; you only needed to put it all together and his Transfiguration notes were enough for him to understand better the subject.

“Oh,” you said in a whisper. “Yeah, right, thank you…” you smiled to him, whishing that he’d realize that you two never introduced each other properly, but he only returned the smile in a polite way.

“You’re welcome,” was all he said and went back to his book, trying to put head to head the theory you made and the information from the book.

That Saturday you left the library with a strange feeling of loneliness – he was a stranger, but he helped you concentrate and also helped you with something that – maybe – was the most important opportunity for you to shut Snape’s mouth. That day flew by without you even realizing, but at night you found yourself thinking about the boy who tapped his fingers on the wooden surface anytime he’d search for the right words but couldn’t stand a strange breathing near him, and a pair of iced eyes was present in your dreams, doing nothing more than watching you with all the possible emotions mirroring in them.

“How was your weekend by far, Hermione?” you asked the girl only to break the strange silence between you two. She was looking for a specific book, and it happened to bump into her when you came to the library to continue your work.

It was a few hours after lunch, on a sunny Sunday when most of the students preferred to study or to simply hang out in the courtyards, lying on the grass. It wasn’t very weird that you had to deal with all those stares when you went to the library on such a beautiful day. You weren’t a bookworm or a nerd, but it was a special thing and you really wanted to have it all done by the end of Monday at least, so you wouldn’t be loaded with other things.

“It was… acceptable,” she responded and shrugged, going back to look for that book on the selves. “As acceptable as it could be a weekend spend in the company of Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley,” she continued and you laughed. She was the brain of that trio, and it might be stressful to be their friend – but you were pretty sure it wasn’t that horrible since she stayed by their side for so long. “What about you?” she returned the question, giving up on her searching as she couldn’t find the right book.

Hermione followed you to your usual table, situated in a corner of the room, where the rays of sun came through the wide window and lighted all the pages. You sat down, leaving aside the parchments for some moments of chatting with your friend. “It was… fun,” you smiled, “I was here two days in a row doing homework.”

Hermione laughed while flipping the pages gently. “And Ronald says I’m the one who needs to sort out her priorities.”

“No,” you rolled your eyes, “It was fun because I had a study buddy. It was really nice,” the explanation made the girl leave her book and watch you with sudden interest. You knew Hermione wasn’t the type who gossip, so her attention was pure curiosity.

“Who?”

“I don’t really know,” you sighed, a little disappointment in your voice as you looked at your fingers, which were unconsciously tapping on the table. “We never made a proper introduction.”

The Gryffindor girl played with the zipper of her hoodie, looking like he was trying to remember all the persons who ever entered that room. “How was he looking?”

Handsome was the first word you wanted to say, as a joke, but a discarded book landed on your table, right on top of your papers and made you looks at the person whose shadow was covering your face.

“What is she doing at our spot?”

“Malfoy,” Hermione growled with hatred, “I don’t think your father bought the tables in the entire library, too,” she said and made the boy look at her with as much venom as a snake could carry.

So he was Malfoy – the mean boy Hermione would mention from time to time, the one who’d always have a harsh word to tell Ron and the one who despised The Chosen One so much. Your timetable never interfered with their, and you’d usually spend your weekends and breaks with some classmates you were friends with, so you never really crossed path with that Malfoy boy. You knew about him, but you didn’t know him – not until then.

“I wasn’t talking to you, Mudblood; learn to speak only when spoken to,” he said in a mockery tone, his eyes going back to you.

You looked at him, and then at Hermione, who seemed to search in you something you couldn’t actually find. “Well?” he repeated, but there was no response from you.

“What does he mean, Y/N? Your spot?” she asked, her voice cracking at the end.

“He’s… my study buddy,” you spoke and Malfoy raised his brow at the appellative, while Hermione froze.

“I’ll leave you with your study buddy, then,” she whispered to you and left, not before taking the book that was thrown on the table by the Slytherin boy.

Your hand was shaking when you grabbed the quill, going back to finish the essay that you started to properly write last night in your dormitory. “Yeah, take my scrap, you filthy Mudblood,” he commented and watched Hermione leave. He then sat down, in front of you, slightly pushing away from him the chair were your friend sat some seconds ago. “Don’t tell me she’s following you around like a little puppy,” he laughed and you looked at him in confusion.

“She’s my friend,” you simply said.

The confusion was now on Malfoy’s face. “Friend?” he scoffed.

“Don’t you have friends?”

“Plenty,” he responded quickly. “But my friends have my back when I’m in an argument.”

You shrugged and looked down again to your essay. “I’m a neutral person, I’m not picking sides,” you explained. He watched you write without any other interruption, but you were feeling weird to be aware of his presence in your perimeter and being as talkative as a fish. “What are you doing here?” you asked as you wrote your name at the bottom of the last paper. He quickly grabbed them all, smiling at your expression.

“I made some free time to come and read our final product.” He went back to be silent, his blue eyes running from left to right in order to read all the things you wrote more calligraphic, only thinking about his comment and about the nice letters he used to make the summary yesterday. “It’s good,” he said proudly, like it was his own.

“Really?” you asked shyly, not ready to have a criticism on that yet.

“Yes, I see you kept some of my phraseology,” he smiled in a kind way, returning the parchments to you.

“It was really well structured,” you laughed and ran a hand through your hair, blushing when you saw him starring intensely at your face – you really wanted to ask him if there was something on your face.

“It’s perfect, Y/N,” he repeated, “Snape can’t say otherwise. It’s nearly as good as mine are,” he assured you. His response made you laugh loudly, gaining some hissing from Madam Pince; your hands went to your mouth, covering it, and the boy looked at you with amusement.

“Thank you, Malfoy,” you whispered, scared to talk even in a quiet way. You knew how much the librarian hated the loud students, and you really didn’t want to be one of them. To be on her blacklist was something no one really wanted.

“Call me Draco,” he asked and got up. “I have to go, but I’m sure your work will be appreciated tomorrow.”

“It’s for Friday, actually.”

“So you had a week to do it, but you did it right away?” he laughed this time, but he seemed careless at Madam’s Pince hiss.

“What?” you pouted, already annoyed by his laugh. You knew what he was going to say, and it made you somehow ashamed.

“Nothing,” he said to your surprise, “It’s just that… I’ve never seen somebody to be that ambitious when it comes about school.”

“So you don’t make fun of me,” you thought out loud, making him chuckle again.

“Why would I make fun of you for being a determined person?” he asked and you returned his smile, more shyly, and waved him goodbye as you saw him walking away.

It was the last moment when you saw Draco Malfoy – Monday morning you looked for him in the Great Hall at breakfast, lunch, dinner and even after classes – but due to the large amount of students, he was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t put a foot in the library, because you stayed there awhile, doing your homework or reading – more like pretending to do any of those – but he never came. It was like he was swallowed by a big black hole and forgotten by all the people in Hogwarts. Nobody near you mentioned his name, and you didn’t dare to ask Hermione about him after the ‘study buddy’ situation. She said it was all fine between you two, because she knew about your neutral personality. It was simple: you never got into fights yourself or got involved when other people would argue – it was simple that way. You asked her if she was alright after Draco said all those things to her, of course, but when she told you it was alright you didn’t insisted more.

Friday came faster than you had thought and you were quite nervous to hand Snape your essay. All your classmates wished you good luck, even if they were in the exact same situation as you were – not quite the same, actually, because you were the only one asked to stay over class so the Potions Master could have a word with you.

“You wanted to talk to me, Professor?” you asked when the rest of the students left you all alone with Snape, who sat in the front of the class, hands crossed over his chest and a frowned look on his face.

“Obvious,” he spoke in his monotone voice, coming closer to your desk. “What is this, Miss L/N?” he asked, throwing in front of you the essay, all the pages spreading on the table.

“My essay, Sir,” you told him confident, already preparing your speech about how hard you worked on it and how he couldn’t say it was a piece of trash.

“Your essay?” he asked serious, and then he faked a laugh. “I think you mean Mister’s Malfoy essay,” he then handed you another parchment, with Draco’s name on it, neatly written.

You read a few phrases from his work, but there was nothing alike between them aside some expressions – the ones Draco observed you kept from his notes. “I didn’t steal his work, Sir,” you said in a quiet voice, not daring to look him in the eyes. You didn’t need to do that to know how mad he was.

“You didn’t steal it, you copied it.”

“No, I…” but he already made up his mind. He asked you to leave, informing you that you’d get more work to do, along with a week of detention.

Your blood was boiling and you only wanted to scream how much you hated everything: how much you hated Snape, for being a prick, how much you hated yourself, for not being able to do your own homework alone and how much you hated Draco, for ‘helping’ you and then disappearing – but he didn’t disappear, because he was in the end of the corridor, all by himself, his hands on his trousers’ pockets, standing in an elegant posture leaning on the wall. The dark always present on the Dungeons made him look paler that he seemed in the library’s sunrays, but the blue of his eyes was still remembering you of the clear sky in the moment he heard your steps.

“Y/N,” he greeted you from afar, a little smile growing on the corner of his lips. “How was…” but you didn’t give him the occasion to finish his sentence, leaving the dark corridor in a hurry.

It was odd that after a week of thinking only about him, about the blue of his eyes, about the way his voice would seem lighter when he was holding back his laugh, about the cute way he’d smile only a half of joy, you ran away from his presence like he was your worst nightmare when, in fact, he was present in your sweetest dreams.

It was your desire to be alone the one which made you isolate yourself in your room for some good hours, crying and hitting the pillows, throwing them in the walls and then gathering them, only to throw them again. You felt the way Snape’d describe your skills, work or everything you did: trash – you felt like trash. You thought about going to dinner with your housemates when you heard them leaving the Common Room, but you realized that Snape’s face, eating at the teachers’ table would’ve turned your stomach upside down. So you stayed there for another hour, thinking about everything and nothing in particular; you just knew that you were sick of it, sick of everything and you just needed a break.

And that’s what you did: you took a break. You left the dormitory only undressing yourself from the blue robes and went running on the empty corridors. When you left, you weren’t sure where you’d go – but you found yourself in the Astronomy Tower, watching the entire yard and the environs of the castle. The sky was painted in pastel colors, the sun bathing in the red color of the lake. It was beautiful and you wanted nothing than to be the same with all of it.

“I hate it all!” you screamed looking up to the sky, closing your eyes. “I hate Severus Snape!” you screamed again, opening your eyes and looking down. It was a long, long way to the bottom, where the cobbled paths would wait. “I hate that he managed to make me feel so useless,” now you whispered, tightening the metal balustrade between your palm until they became white. You shook the metal as hard as you could, but it stood still; the effort left you breathless, but you still managed to scream from the bottom of your lungs: “I hate myself!”

You had no idea where that came from – it was the first time you thought that way about you, but it felt very honest. You hated how much pressure you’ve put on your shoulders and now that you were too weak to carry it all, you felt worthless. The only thing you knew was that you were crying, so hard that your sobs didn’t let you hear the steps approaching you in such a hurry. The force of the hand that grabbed your elbow was unexpected, making you stumble on your own legs. The warm feeling immediately invaded your whole body as soon as you fell in a pair of arms, which were holding you hard enough not to fall to the ground.

“What the hell were you doing, Y/N?!” he screamed, the image of his face being blurred because of the tears in your eyes. You blinked a few times and there he was: Draco Malfoy, with a worried look on his face but with the same beautiful blue eyes.

“Draco…” you whispered and grabbed the material of his white shirt, “What are you doing here?” you managed to ask without your voice cracking.

“You didn’t come to dinner, and after the way you walk away from earlier…” he said and became paler, “But what were you doing? Don’t tell me you tried to…”

But you shook your head in negation faster than the words he said. “No, of course not,” you said trying to convince yourself more than him. “I was just… having a moment,” you explained and withdrew from his arms, hugging yourself to calm down.

“What happened, Y/N?” he asked again and touched your shoulders, his hands burning the skin under your uniform shirt.

“Snape said I copied your essay,” you succeed to whisper after a long silence, the tears coming back into your eyes.

His brows went lower, his mouth in a line. “Have you told him that I helped you?”

“No,” you said, now crying again. He wiped away a tear that rolled on your cheek. “He told me to leave before I could say anything, and now I have detention a whole week.”

“Sh, sh, sh,” he hummed as he pulled you back into his arms, one of his hands laying on your back as the other one was caressing your hair. “You don’t need to cry,” he spoke gently and his movements became clumsy as you cried even harder. “I’ll take care of it, Y/N,” he assured you and suddenly, your tears dried up.

“What?” you asked, looking into his eyes.

“I… I’ll talk to Snape about it,” he repeated, “It’s not fair to act that way towards you when your essay was so good.”

All the parts of your body were screaming to kiss him only because he was that near to you. But you were too puzzled up to even hear those screams in your head. “You’ll get in trouble too, Draco.”

“No,” he smiled. “Let’s say that Snape owns my father one,” he smiled devilish, and contrary his expectations you smiled like you haven’t been crying until then.

“But why are you doing that?” you laughed and tried not to freak out because he was still holding you.

“So you could own me one later,” he continued to smile even after you hit them slightly in chest. “What? Nothing’s free, remember?”

You bit your cheek, trying to hold back a smile. “Yeah, sure.”

“So we have a deal?”

“No,” you said and raised a brow. “We have a deal only if you don’t get yourself in trouble by talking to Snape or, even worst, getting me into a bigger mess. You need to succeed in order to have a deal.”

“That sounds like a deal to me,” he smirked and ran a hand through his blonde hair, which seemed more like gray in the light given by the moon.

“We have a deal, then,” you laughed and tighten up a bit the grip on his shirt.

“Don’t ever stay that close to the edge again,” he asked you and you could see the same feeling of anxiety on his face. You nodded your head in agreement and he hugged you again. “You scared the shit out of me,” he confessed.

It was the first time in your life when you felt that somebody was truly worried about you. Your parents would’ve just watch you break down and then get up and try again, telling you that it’s the normal way to educate yourself. But that night, in his arms, you felt that you weren’t the same lonely child. It was a warm feeling, a feeling of a new burning in your heart. And it was a nice feeling.

  I fell in your arms tonight / I fell hard in your arms tonight / It was nice

 You agreed to meet Draco the next day in the Astronomy Tower half an hour before the dinner would finish and you were surprised to see him already there, welcoming you with the same somehow evil smirk he had the other day.

“You own me one,” he said without even waiting for you to say something. “Snape told me he’ll forget about the detention, but you need to make some rephrasing on your essay.” He was proud of his manipulative skills and you could see it in his eyes – there was a little sparkle as you approached him.

“Good job, Draco,” you said smiling from an ear to the other. “I guess I own you one.”

“Yes, yes you do.”

You look over the skyline and went closer to the balustrade, Draco following you closely even after you sat down on the stone floor, your legs hanging on the outside. You seemed to be secure enough, so Draco sat down and looked at the sunset as well.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You already did,” he puffed and you punched his shoulder, smiling.

“You’re an idiot, you know what I mean.”

“Why am I an idiot?” he asked and turned to face you with an ugly look.

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that!” you told him quickly. “I call my friends that way when they say something dumb but they’re funny at the same time,” you explained, ashamed that you offended him.

He was silent for a moment and looked at the lake again. “My father uses that term to talk about incompetent people,” he said and you looked away from his face.

“I guess it’s a way to use it, too,” you spoke shy.

“Why do you want to ask me?” he changed the subject, removing the awkward tension between you two.

“Why did you called Hermione Granger that word?” you asked cautious not to upset him with your curiosity.

“That’s what she is,” he said nonchalantly, “She’s a Mudblood, and she is inferior to us.”

“Only because of her blood?” you laughed. “And how do you know I’m not inferior to you too?”

“I made my research on you before talking to you again,” he shrugged.

“She’s superior to both of us in many ways, Draco,” you told him and looked at him in the moment he did the same. “She lives in another world at the same time she lives in this one,” you explained, “We were born surrounded by magic and that’s our only way of living.”

He lour. “Why do you say that?”

“I take the Muggle Studies class,” you smiled proudly.

“Why would you do that?” he scoffed. If you ignored his mentality on that subject, you could say he was really cute.

“It’s interesting,” you started. “They have many objects we have no idea about and they have fairy tales about anything – they’re kind of superstitious.”

“Superstitious?” he asked like he was curious and not like he wanted to mock you.

“Yeah,” you said and got up. “Maybe I’ll tell you about some superstitions one day.”

“Tomorrow night,” he asked you and got up as well.

“You want to know more about Muggles?” you laughed.

He shrugged. “It’s your chance to prove me they’re not inferior to us.”

“Ok,” you smiled and took the challenge.

You left the Tower walking by his side, and your heart skipped a beat when you realized that he walked you to your Common Room door, wishing you a goodnight. The next day Professor Snape wanted to talk to you again after class, this time apologizing for the way he managed the situation, but you could tell he wasn’t very pleased with what he was saying. When the dinner was nearly finished, you could see Draco leaving the Great Hall without looking in your direction and you knew it was the signal to get up and do the same thing after some minutes. You thought it’d be better if nobody would know where you were going and with who.

“Ready to learn about Muggles?” you asked him with joy as soon as you got in the highest place in Hogwarts.

“Whatever,” he laughed and rolled his eyes.

You brought a book you got last year on your birthday from Hermione, a book about a lot of things the Muggles believe in. You read out loud some pages and Draco only sat next to you, listening. It was somehow therapeutic to read in front of him because he didn’t disturb you, he even looked like he was enjoying it.

“So they even have a specific flower for when somebody dies?” he asked out of a sudden. He was really paying attention.

“Yeah, in some countries,” you smiled. “In Italy, France or Belgium – where it’s made the best chocolate – the white chrysanthemum is well known to be brought at somebody’s funeral. But they also represent loyalty and devoted love, so I think it makes it even more beautiful. They’re my favorites,” you smiled.

“A flower that represents the death is your favorite?” he laughed, making you roll your eyes. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’ve never seen a chrysanthemum, and that’s something, considering the fact that my mother has a gigantic garden.”

He was often talking about his mother and you deducted that he’s a mummy boy – it was cute to know that he loved his mother dearly.

“I would love to see it,” you smiled politely.

“Maybe you will,” he said and caught you by surprise. “I mean, maybe you’ll see a garden as big as my mother’s,” he clarified when he observed those big eyes of yours.

“Yeah,” you said in a quiet voice, looking back into your book.

“What?” he asked and you didn’t respond him.

You were… sad? Disappointed? It was a strange and groundless feeling given by the idea that you’ll never see the garden of his house, and that also meant that you’ll never meet his mother, who was already painted in your mind like an elegant and kind woman.

“Are you upset?” he asked again and grabbed your jaw carefully, making you form eye contact.

“No,” you said simply, and the honesty in your voice surprised you. It was like all the hard feelings were erased by his eyes, by their calming color.

“Good,” he smiled, “Because you shouldn’t be upset.”

“Why?” you asked.

“I’ll bring you all the flowers from my mother’s garden if you’re not upset,” he traced his fingers up to your cheek, placing a strand of hair behind your red ear – all your emotions ran to your head, making the skin he touched burn.

“Why?” you asked again like a curious kid.

He rolled his eyes in a playful way, trying to pretend he was tired of your whys. “Because a pretty face like yours shouldn’t frown. You’ll get wrinkles,” he laughed and pinched your nose.

“Auch,” you hissed, massaging the end of your nose. “You say I’m pretty?”

“I say it’s time to get you back to your Common Room,” he nodded his head and got up, offering you his hand to help you get up.

The walk to the Ravenclaw’s door was silent, and when you got there it was an even more annoying silence. He only watched you like he was waiting for your next move.

“Uh, I can’t come tomorrow night,” you informed him. “I have to help my roommate study for Transfiguration.”

“So she’s stealing my study buddy,” he joked.

“I’ll see you around, though?”

“Yeah, of course,” he smiled and you just wanted to kiss that little dimple of his.

So you did – you got up to your toes and kissed his cheek. “Good night, Draco,” you smiled and entered the empty room, all your housemates already being off to their dormitories, probably. Your heart was pouting hard, like it was trying to escape the little cage of your ribs, but your soul was feeling warm and sweet, like honey.

The next day you tried to focus in all your classes, you tried to pay attention to your friends but all you could think of was Draco Malfoy, with his blue eyes and sweet dimple. It was a boring night the one you spent in your room, listening and explaining to your roommate simple things about your Transfiguration class, the same ones that Draco found difficult – even that made you think about him. It was a great relief to walk again on the stairs that led you to the Astronomy Tower, the excitement making your heart jump with joy. It dropped to the bottom of your soul when you didn’t find him there, and it broke when he didn’t come at all.

Maybe you scared him – maybe he didn’t want you to kiss his cheek, maybe he didn’t want you so close to him. Maybe you screwed it up. And you really believed that when he didn’t come two nights in a row, making you to skip dinner on the third night. You didn’t have the power to cry again, but you really wanted to – you nearly managed to get a tear out of you if it wouldn’t be eagle owl which entered your room through the open window.

“What’s up with you, stupid bird?” you asked in anger, making the owl give you a response in the same tonality. “Easy,” you spoke as you took the little parchment from its claw.

‘You didn’t come to dinner, are you sick? If you are, take a good sleep and get better. — D.M'

You crumbled the little letter and thrown it away telling the bird to leave you alone. You walked from left to right, biting your nails out of anxiety and anger – who was he to ignore you three days and then ask to meet you? You grabbed the letter from the floor and read it again, and the curiosity won against your anger. You grabbed a blue sweater and ran to the Astronomy Tower, but walked the steps so he wouldn’t know the speed with which you came. You were furious at him – you couldn’t wait to scream at him and tell him to fuck off with his unhealthy behaviors, but when you saw him leaning on the stone wall in front of you with a bouquet of white flowers in his hand and a small box on the other one, you just froze on the last step.

“Hello, Y/N,” he greeted you with a smile on the corner of his lips. You approached him slowly; your eyes going from his face go his hands and back to his hands. “I see you’re not sick,” he said when you were in front of him. “Why haven’t you come to dinner?”

“Why didn’t you give me a sign of living?” you asked straight, searching for his eyes.

“I was… busy,” he said and cleared his throat. “But I asked my mother to get me those,” he smiled and handed you the bouquet of chrysanthemums and the little box. “Open it,” he asked impatient.

You undone the little bow and opened it with one hand, the other holding carefully the flowers. Your hands were shaking. “Chocolate,” you laughed nervous.

“From Belgium, just like the flowers,” he said proud, smiling. “Don’t you like them?” he asked a little panicked when you didn’t say a thing, only watching the flowers in such an examining way.

“I love them!” you said, “I love them, Draco,” you assured them, holding them to your chest like you were scared he’d get them back.

“Good, I hoped you’d say that.”

You smelt them, and your whole soul was dancing – the sweet smell reminded you of the late autumn’s rains, of the lazy sunrays and all the nice skies in the world.

“I love them Draco, but what’s the occasion?”

He massaged the back of his head, avoiding your eyes. “You don’t need a reason to get flowers, Y/N. You deserve them anytime,” he said and your heart exploded at his cuteness. “My mother told me it’d be nice if I would give them to you before anything else,” he said and bite his lower lip immediately after, like he said something he didn’t mean to.

“Before what, Draco?” you asked curious. He was so good at making you all set on fire, unfocused and yet so, so concentrated on him.

“You’re a nice girl, Y/N, really nice,” he said in a quiet voice. His tonality made you thought about a break-up – like he wanted to break the bond that began to form between you two.

“What are you trying to tell me, Draco?” you asked in a harsh tone. “Just say it, ok? You don’t need to bring me flowers and chocolate if you want to say goodbye, it’s not like I’m dying,” you said pointing to the chrysanthemums.

“No, no, Y/N,” he interrupted you. “The white chrysanthemums represent loyalty and devoted love,” he whispered.

“Oh,” was all you could say. “Oh,” you repeated when you figured out what he really meant.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, and you laughed along with him. The sound of his laugh made your heart put itself back together. “So…” he started and came closer to you.

“So?” you said, biting your lips and blinking slowly.

“So may I kiss you, Y/N?” he asked in such a kind voice, all your body going soft at his words. His mother must’ve taught him how to talk to a girl – and she did such a good job.

You nodded shyly and let yourself carried by his hands, which dragged your body closer to his. He gently pressed his lips on your, letting them stay together for a couple of seconds and then retiring. His blue eyes were looking into yours, burning with desire and impatience. Your hands tightened the flowers and the little box harder, and you put them around his neck, getting him even closer to you and smashing your lips back together. His hands were on your waist, grabbing the material of your sweater between his fingers. Your eyes were closed and your body was filled with warmth – you saw nothing and yet, somehow, you were aware of everything in the Universe through a white light.

 White light in your arms tonight / I lost sight in your arms tonight / It was nice

 The next months were full of love and laughs for you – Draco was the most careful boy you’ve ever been with. He still wanted you two to have secret little dates in the Astronomy Tower, where you’d read to him about Muggles and poetry written by them.

“Don’t you think it’s kinda cute that I listen to you reading about that non-sense?” he asked once.

“It’s poetry, Draco,” you scoffed, “It’s about love!”

Besides the secret dates, he really wanted to go public. He was the type to show you off in front of everyone, only to make sure that every other boys knew that you were off their league but in a kind way – he’d kiss your forehead on the hallways, walk you to classes even if that meant he’d be late to his and gave you endless gifts. You received a lot of chrysanthemums, love letters and sweets anytime his mother would send him a package. Your roommates were jealous of you even if they told you directly that they didn’t like Draco and there was nothing to do about it. Hermione wasn’t so happy either and somehow distanced herself from you when she found out about your relationship, but Draco made you to forget all those things – he was the bad guy in everyone’s story, and even if some time ago he wasn’t even a side-character in yours, he became the climax of your story. You didn’t love Draco for his gift, you loved him truly – you loved him for the kind words, the warm glares, the sweet kisses and the tight hugs. And you knew he loved you too, because he made you feel safe in the whole madness with the Dark Lord and the war everyone was talking about.

“Do you think there’ll be a war, Draco?” you asked one night when you two where curled up into each other’s arms.

“I don’t know, Y/N,” he said absent.

“I heard that Harry’s forming an army,” you said and looked up to him, only to see him rolling his eyes.

“Potter isn’t capable to tie his own laces, my love, and you think he’s able to lead an army?” he laughed and that made you roll your eyes. “You’re funny.”

“But you’re the only one taking it as a joke, you’re the one who’s laughing,” you said and he frowned.

“Then I think I have to change that,” he said and his fingers came to your ribs, tickling you.

You started to laugh hard, to fight so you could escape his torture, begging him to stop. “Draco, that’s enough!” you screamed as you felt tears in your eyes, so you grabbed his arm and tried to scratch him playfully to make him stop.

Hissing, he let you go and pulled away from you, his hand over the left arm.

“What’s wrong, baby?” you asked worried that you hurt him.

“Nothing,” he said in an annoyed voice, getting up on his feet and looking down to you. “I’m fine,” he said and something in your mind clicked. For more than two weeks he’d say that stupid phrase whenever you asked him what happened – he seemed tired and anxious, but whenever you’d ask about him he’d become fine.

“Don’t try to fool me, Draco,” you said annoyed as well and, already on your feet, you’d try to grab his hand and reveal the possible wound.

“I said I’m fine, Y/N,” he repeated and avoided your hands like they’d burn him.

“And I said to stop fooling me!” you shouted and sneaked close enough to him to get his hand away from his arm, but he pushed you harder than he thought – you fell on the ground, a piece of material in your hand; his sleeve – ripped, revealing red lines, scratches – who were older, but reopened by your nails – which were covering the worst thing you could think of: the Dark Mark. The air left your lungs and your head started to spin, the vision becoming blurred.

“Y/N…” he tried to say, coming closer to you but you crawled away.

“What the fuck, Draco?!” you screamed and got up by yourself. “Stay away!” you said when he tried to approach you.

“I can explain, Y/N,” he said, his voice shaking.

“How on earth you could explain the Dark Mark on your arm?” you shouted again, your hands running in your hair and pulling it.

“Sh,” he said loud, asking you to be quiet. “It’s not what it looks like, my love, I swear.”

You laughed – loud, nervous. “Then what it is?”

“They made me do it, Y/N!”

“They made you get the Dark Mark, become a fucking Death Eater and join Voldemort?” you screamed again and step back when he tried to come closer.

“My father, he… I didn’t want to, Y/N,” he said quietly, his eyes starting to get wet.

“You lied to me, Draco,” you whispered. “You said everything will be fine, you said you’ll protect me!”

“And I will!” he also screamed. “I will,” he repeated breathing heavily.

“How? Making me join the Death Eaters so they wouldn’t kill me later?” you mocked him, and you could say it hurt him to see you that way – but you didn’t care.

“Nobody will kill you, Y/N,” he said, trying to calm you. “You’ll be fine, we’ll be fine.”

“A war is coming, Draco,” you said harshly, “The Dark Lord is alive and back and anyone who’s against him is in danger.”

“You’re not in danger, Y/N,” he repeated. “We’re in this together, please, love,” he begged you, tears running down his face.

“We’re not on the same side, Draco,” you whispered.

“I thought you didn’t like to pick sides,” he said like he was trying to make you change your mind.

“We’re talking about a war, Draco, not a fucking fight in the courtyard,” you said and shook your head. “Just… leave me alone, please,” you asked him and started to walk away.

“Y/N, please!” he grabbed your wrist but you pulled away immediately.

“Don’t touch me ever again, Draco Malfoy,” you said in hatred, giving him a disgusted look before leaving him alone in the Astronomy Tower – alone, hurt and crying. He saw the disgust in your eyes, the hate and the fear.

Hard times came for you – you decided to act like nothing was happening, like you had no idea what Draco was and a part of you felt miserable for doing so, but other part was believing him, the other part was still loving him and it was hurting to see him and not run in his arms. You decided to let the time pass and decide what would happen with everything – but the time was cruel, because nothing good happened since that night. Dumbledore’s death, the Death Eaters, the continuing agony. You became scared to stay alone, thinking that a Death Eater or even Voldemort would show up and kill you – and Draco wouldn’t be there to protect you.

But when the real battle began, you felt all the adrenaline rushing through your body – Professor McGonagall seemed worried but she gave you the power to fight back, to fight for Hogwarts, for your friends, for Harry, for life. You never tried to spell hexes because it wasn’t necessary, but in the battles you had with some Death Eaters you remembered them all – and you casted them loud, pointing your wand in their direction with hatred. You were running on the same old stairs that led you to the Astronomy Tower, a loud and crazy laugh following you along with a curly hair and dark, mad eyes, thirsty for blood.

“Stop running, little doll!” she screamed when you got up, waiting for her with your wand ready, something that made her laugh. “Stubborn one, aren’t you?” she asked and walked closer to you with tangled steps.

“Crazy one, aren’t you?” you managed to gather your nerve to ask her. She didn’t seem too happy with your comment, because she lifted her wand – before she’d say anything, you screamed the Disarming Charm as loud as you could, making her wand fly from her hand and fall to the ground.

“Well, well,” she laughed, running her tongue over her bloody lips. “You won, now kill me!” she laughed, the sound driving you crazy.

“Shut up! Just shut up!”

“Kill me!”

“Crucio!” you screamed and the green light flashed from the tip of your wand, hitting Bellatrix Lestrange in the middle of her chest. She fell to the ground, laughing – it was hurting, but Bellatrix have been insane for a long, long time.

“Y/N!”

“Draco?” you said to yourself, watching the boy you loved running to you. He grabbed your shoulders, looking at you from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. “What are you doing here?”

“Are you alright? Did she hurt you?”

You looked at Bellatrix who was still to the ground, and you tighten your fingers around the wand.

“No,” you said and looked back to Draco. He seemed fine and a part of you wanted to scream that he was fine because he was one of them, they wouldn’t hurt him like that crazy woman tried to do to you, but the other part won that battle. You hugged him tight, wanting to make all the things disappear and be just you and him. “I’m scared, Draco,” you whispered.

“You’ll be fine, love,” he said and kissed your temple.

“So she’s the little doll that got you all soft, Draco?”

The fear ran through your body again and you pulled away from Draco, still holding his hands.

“Please,” he said and looked at the crazy woman who got her wand back. He let go of your hand and grabbed his wand, pointing it to her.

“Aw, Draco darling,” she laughed, “Does Cissy know that you’re pointing your want to your family?��Family?

“Aunt Bella, please, don’t hurt her,” Draco breathed heavily, not taking his eyes off of her.

“But she hurt me, Draco,” Bellatrix laughed, got her wand in your direction and casted an unspoken spell, only saying your name.

Draco tried to protect you, getting in front of you, but the purple light went through him and entered your body. The pain was indescribable, like all your internal organs were stabbed with hundred of knives. “No!” he screamed at his aunt, who only laughed louder and waved him goodbye before disappearing into a black cloud of smoke.

You’d feel your members go numb, dropping your wand and falling to the ground, making Draco to scream again like he could physically feel your agony. “Y/N!” he screamed.

Some balls of light were thrown in the tower’s direction, by the people outside, and they made the windows in the roof break, falling upon you along with pieces of tiles. Your sight went blurry, seeing Draco through red spots. “What’s happening, Draco?” you managed to ask him.

“You’re fine, my love,” he cried, tightening your shoulders, trying to hug you without hurting you.

“I can’t see you, hear you,” you cried and coughed; he started to sob even harder, watching the blood drop from your eyes and mouth as you tried to breathe. “I don’t feel very good,” you told him as it weren’t obvious.

“You’ll be alright, my love, stay with me,” he begged you.

His tears were falling on your face, mixing with the blood that was leaving your body – Bellatrix Lestrange chose a curse that gave you a slow and painful death.

“Hey, you,” you said, trying to make him pay attention to you. You looked him in the eyes, trying hard to see them clear. “Don’t you think it’s kinda cute?”

“What?” he whispered.

“Don’t you think it’s kinda cute,” you repeated, “That I died right inside your arms tonight?”

“No! No! No!” he said, his voice shaking. “Don’t you dare to do this to me, Y/N! Do you hear me? Stay with me!”

But you were gone – you left that world with a little smile on your lips, with bloody tears on your face and with the memory of his eyes watching you, of his arms holding you. And that made death a less painful thing for you.

 That I'm fine even after I have died / Because it was in your arms I died

 “No, Y/N!” he screamed, realizing you were gone. “Come back! Come back, Y/N, you own me one!”

“I’m sorry, Draco,” you whispered while watching him from behind – you could also see your lifeless body, laying on the ground with glass pieces, rocks and blood all over it and it made  you cry. You floated over your body and tried the stupidest thing you could think of: going back inside. But it was impossible – it felt like it was locked. Bloody tears were falling from your eyes, and you damned Bellatrix Lestrange for giving you such an ugly death: you’ll cry blood for eternity on the Hogwarts’ halls as a ghost. “I want to come back, Draco!” you screamed at the same time when he asked you to come back.

 I cry in the afterlife / I cry hard because I have died / And you're alive / I try to escape the afterlife / I try hard to get back inside / Your arms tonight

 The battle was over: Lord Voldemort was now dead, Bellatrix Lestrange was dead along with other Death Eaters, but so were a lot of innocent people: now, some students would stay forever in the castle because they chose to remain behind; they, just like you, were too scared of death and chose an imitation of life. As a ghost, you didn’t really felt like showing to everyone; it hurt you enough to know they missed you, and to see their broken souls when they’d realize you’re trapped in this world as a ghost would be more painful than your death. You knew nothing about Draco for a long time – you stayed in the tower all the time, and you already knew that after some years, when the school would be rebuilt, the little kids would call you the ghost of the Astronomy Tower – that thought made you smile; maybe they’d call you Bloody Y/N, or Bloody Crybaby Y/N, or… whatever name would fit a blood-crying ghost. That’s how you spent many months – thinking, crying, whishing you’d have chose the death.

A loud cry woke you up one day – you looked over to the balustrade, where a tall figure was shaking while looking down, down all the way to the ground. “I’m sorry, Y/N,” he said and you recognized him easily. “I’m so fucking sorry, my love,” he cried again and you approached him. On the ground, at his feet, was a bouquet of white chrysanthemums – they made your eyes tear up immediately.

“I promised you I’d protect you and I failed,” he whispered. “I hate myself since that day, my love,” he confessed.

To let him know about your presence was a bad idea – he’d be devastated to see you that way.

“I’ll see you soon, love,” he spoke to himself, or so he thought because he jumped in surprise when you screamed.

“Wait!”

“Y/N…” he cried, now facing you and crying harder. “You’re… alive?”

“Draco…” you sighed, “What are you doing here?”

He came closer and tried to hug you, but his arms went through you with ease. “You’re… a ghost.”

“Please don’t jump,” you said crying harder than him. It was a horrible image, indeed, to see a blood-crying ghost – but he was in love with you.

“I miss you, Y/N, I want to be with you,” he told you like he asked for permission.

But you shook your head in disapproval. “You won’t like it here, darling,” you smiled. “Please, stay – be happy and live.”

“I love you, Y/N, how could I live without you?” he cried like a little child, helpless.

You pointed to the flowers. “If your love is devoted, you’d spend the rest of your life fulfilling my wish, Draco.”

“Y/N…”

“Stay alive, Draco. I’ll be here, always,” you promised and cried.

He ran his hands through his hair, his blue eyes crying you a river. When he calmed down, he bent over and grabbed the flowers, handing them to you. You cried in pain, but still tried to get them – and you where surprised when you could.

“Come back to me, Y/N,” he said and you tried your best to make his wish come true. You tried to hug him, to kiss his forehead – he could swear he felt your cold skin on his.

“I wish I could, my love,” you said and stayed in front of him, with the sign of his devoted love in your hand.

 And hey (hey), you (you), don't you think it's kinda cute / That I (I) try (try) to escape the afterlife / That I (I) try (try) to get back in your arms alive / That I died in your arms

[fenristheorem]

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't explain myself well, it's mostly Gardienne with a fever that makes her delirious (this mostly because it would be funny) but if you prefer one where she has difficulty moving (I love the physical contact with Lance, I apologize ) By the way I love how you write! I'm glad there are such talented people in the fandom <3

Don't worry about it! I wanted to check just in case I was reading the original ask wrong because this sounded like such a fun ask to write and I wanted to make sure it was what you were looking for lol.

Thank you so much for the compliment, it truly means a lot to me! ❤

I decided to write two headcanon topics; one for Lance taking care of Guardienne who's feverish and delirious and the second where she's too weak to move. They both sounded so tempting to write lol.

These both are a bit of a scenario-headcanon hybrid (it seems I’ve liked writing those recently), but I’m certainly not disappointed by it. I really wanted to be specific throughout for the sake of adding in moments of humor and adding depth (which made it a bit of a scenario), but they do sort of evolve into more traditional headcanons in time.

~Under the cut~

Lance with Guardienne who's feverish and delirious:

Oh by the Orcale; how did this happen?

Guardienne was feeling fine... and then she wasn't.

Ewelein wasn't very surprised - somehow she always gets hurt, or sick, or something. She tells Guardienne to isolate herself, rest, and overall not do anything. Ewelein knows there’s a risk that this advice will be ignored, but she figured Guardienne may at least have enough sense to heed her warning.

And then Guardienne starts complimenting the birds that are singing in the Infirmary...

"Get me Lance, I need to speak with him about Guardienne's condition."

Upon hearing news that his partner has fallen ill - and knowing that Ewelein wouldn't send for him about something so common and otherwise not of much worry - Lance entrusts a few last responsibilities of the day to a couple seasoned warriors and heads swiftly to the Infirmary. Upon entering, the Elven nurse immediately pulls him to a quiet corner of the room and explains that Guardienne has a very high fever that’s making her delirious. She’s been irritated, apathetic, and is even experiencing hallucinations, rambling about those hallucinations, then proceeding to forget about hallucinations that she was just rambling about, and she’s - despite having a fever - been restless and walking around, trying to chase after those hallucinations and putting herself in danger.

Lance is quiet as he looks at her like she just said that the sky was falling.

“What do you mean she has a major fever but is walking around? How is that possible, or safe? Shouldn’t she be subdued?”

“Illness is a strange thing, Lance. I can’t give a real reason aside from that’s just her way of coping with the discomfort of the fever right now, and again, she’s hallucinating so that doesn’t help either. I would give her a sedative but I’m not sure I trust the possible side effects with her current condition.”

“Eweleeeeiiiiin...” A hoarse, scratchy voice called for the nurse from an isolated bed further in the Infirmary. Ewelein looked towards where it came from before glancing back to Lance with a ‘please help me’ expression.

She led him back to the isolated bed and they found Guardienne - pale and heavily sweating, it was very clear that she was sick - sitting on the mattress, shifting through the thin blanket that was laid over her. It seemed like she was searching for something...

Ewelein did a few quick checks and let Guardienne nudge around the blankets as she explained to Lance that she needed someone to keep a consistent eye on her, as she couldn’t do that due to her other responsibilities.

Lance hesitated as his thoughts flicked to his typically busy schedule, but he couldn’t just leave his partner to suffer this without doing something. He could find someone to carry out his typical responsibilities, and Huang Hua will certainly understand when she sees Guardienne’s high-maintenance conditions herself.

“I can watch out for her. I’ll take a few days off-” “The birds - the birds are getting loud...” “-to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself by accident.”

“Thank you, I’m so sorry to ask this of you but with this illness going around-” “The birds are screaming.” “-the other nurses are too busy for us to have a constant eye on her. Fortunately she’s the only case this severe.” “Ewelein can you make the birds stop screaming? I think it’s upsetting the wall rat.”

Lance was about to reply to the nurse when Guardienne mentioned the birds and the wall rat, instead lowering himself by her side to try and look her in the eyes as alarm filled his being.

“What wall rat?”

Guardienne’s eyes flicked to his and she brightened, leaning to the side - teetering all too close to the edge of the bed - to rest against his abdomen and loll her head up to look at him as he straightened.

“Laaannce. Oh, you’re the pretty icy dragon, can you get rid of the birds? You have the big sword. The wall rat is angry at them and it keeps chewing at the rocks and the fluffy things are scuttl.... they’re around... in - trying to steal... why is it so bright, turn off the sun it’s burning.”

Lance nearly loses his breath as Guardienne just rambles and gazes dazedly around the room, shocked by how such a vibrant woman was now rendered nearly helpless. She’s making absolutely no sense.

He steels himself and decides here and now that he needs to take care of her. She has no sense of reality right now, and he needed to be here to make sure she would be alright. He gently took her chin to tilt her head back so he can look into her eyes again.

“What are the fluffy things doing? What rocks is the wall rat chewing at?” Guardienne stares at him for a moment with drifting eyes.

“What... the fluffy... no wall rat, no stones, the fluffy things... haha, how did you come up with that? You’re not usually funny, haha...”

Anxiety and distress for his partner settles heavily in his chest as he observed her continuously disturbing condition. He looks back towards Ewelein as she explains that she’s been providing Guardienne with a treatment. It’ll take a few days before it will begin to work, though - if it even does work. Lance was about to reply when Guardienne cut him off.

“The birds are loud, the birds are loud. Oww, someone please make the birds quiet.” She covered her ears with her hands and tucked her chin to her chest. Lance adjusted her gently and leaned her to lay back on the bed so she wouldn’t fall over the side.

“I’m not sure what to do about the birds... she’s kept talking about them. They seem to only be in the Infirmary because she didn’t complain about them when she wandered into the hall earlier.”

“She wandered into the hall earlier!?” Alarm shot through him again.

“Yea, Adalric seemed to argue her point though. He told her that the birds are everywhere, even inside her... Thankfully she doesn’t seem to have taken any attention to that.” Now exasperation.

“Ok, how about this; I’ll settle my plans with Huang Hua for the next few days and take Guardienne to my room so I can watch her constantly. I can stock up on a few basics from Karuto so I don’t need to leave her and set someone in charge of running meals to us from the Dinning Hall. She won’t ever be alone and she won’t need to go out anywhere. I’ll send a companion immediately if we need help of any kind.”

“May the Oracle bless you, Lance. You’re a lifesaver. Please don’t get sick, though.” She persistently thanked him more as she explained a basic routine so Guardienne can recover. Healthy food, don’t let her get too hot - not a problem, he’s an ice dragon - don’t leave her alone, and the medicine should begin to take effect in the next few days.

Lance responded by saying that it was no trouble - there was no way he was not taking care of Guardienne at this point - and quickly headed out to find Huang Hua while Ewelein could spend a bit of time watching Guardienne. Fortunately she was in the Dinning Hall, talking with a few other members of the Guard, including Karuto. He walked over with a brisk note in his step and stopped in her line of sight when he was a few feet away, signaling that he needed to talk to her.

Kindly, she stepped out of the conversation as the others kept talking - and Lance spotted a warrior within his guard that he trusts before waving them over as well. He quickly - but modestly - explained the situation and they both understood, Huang Hua even offered to persuade Karuto to share a few food items as Lance explained to his colleague what he needed to do the next few days. Once everything was set, he brought the food back to his room - storing it safely in a cabinet - and went back to retrieve the sick Guardienne. 

Many strange and bizarre things happened over those few days he spent with his delirious partner - some things he thought he would never experience in his life. Like Ewelein said, she did ramble a lot about the most odd things that she’s hallucinated; ranging from watching Musaroses fly around the room (which may have stemmed from Floppy observing her from high surfaces, if he did in fact adopt Floppy, and I believe he did), the sun and moon rolling around the room, and even yelping incoherent words as she tried to run away from light flecks. When she did manage to make a coherent sentence, she was quite crass and tactless with her tone and words - she didn’t seem to be able to comprehend the idea of emotions, but her imagination sure ran wild.

When he first brought her into his room, she wandered around for a while - chasing shadows it seemed... and then she took interest in shiny things, like his weaponry.

“Ah, pretty!”

“Guardienne don’t touch that! That’s sharp!” He quickly leapt to her side and took her wrist as she reached for an axe hanging on the wall, gently pulling her towards the bed as she giggled giddily and danced around with him. He tried his best to reign her in without being harsh - she wasn’t in her right mind - while making sure she didn’t hurt herself on any surface as she flung her limbs around before finally managing to get her on his bed. She still burned with the fever as he settled her into the light blankets, but she seemed to be tempted to fall asleep as she curled into his pillows. Relief settled into Lance for a moment as he turned to quickly glance around the room, observing everything he would need to hide for her safety until she recovered.

He glanced back to Guardienne to find her gone. He’s never felt panic invade him so quickly. 

Lance quickly scanned the room again to find her nowhere - actually it’s dread at this point, he’s definitely feeling dread - and then a feminine noise of surprise sounded from the floor before his bed. He rushed to the other side of the bed to find her laying on the floor, staring intently underneath his bed.

“I can see into realms...” She was probably staring through the gap underneath his bed to look at the other wall.

The thought of tying her to the bed to keep her still passed through his mind until he decided that that would be too inhumane for such a sickly woman.

Fortunately there were a few things that Lance felt he could do well. Occasionally he would ask if she wanted tea, or something to eat, and he definitely made sure she drank lots of cold water (being an ice dragon truly had some perks, like refreshing cold water at any time). She wouldn’t exactly respond - although on occasion she was brought back to reality enough to realize and comment that she was hungry at the mention of food - but Lance made sure to keep rigorous note of when she last ate and what anyways, so she stayed well fed. It was a bit of a struggle to get her to eat sometimes, but he found that she responded well to smell, so he tried to focus more on giving her warm (not hot) or stronger smelling foods. Once she caught the scent she seemed to snap back to reality a bit and nibble on it for a while - and when he’d sit beside her and eat a meal of his own she would catch on that it was time to eat and happily devour the food until she lost interest. He also realized quickly that her heavy sweating would mean that she’d need to shower more, so while it wasn’t always possible to wash her multiple times per day, he found that giving her a small bath with a wet cloth helped her - especially with cooling her down. He did make sure to shower her at least once a day, and he did join her for this. There was no way she’d be able to shower alone with her hallucinations...

These showers did lead to rather humorous events once in a while. The first time he showered with her, she tried to run away from the water because “the rain clouds are angry at her”, but she eventually calmed down - nearly going limp in his arms - when she realized how nice it was to feel the warm water on her skin. Surprisingly, when they’re out of the shower she seems to be brought back to her sanity a bit, being able to hold a... semi-normal conversation for a few minutes, usually remembering that emotions exist and being able to accurately describe her distress. However, Lance is perhaps most proud of the other times, late at night or early in the morning, when she’s burning hot in bed next to him and he helps relieve her of this.

He’ll lean up slightly, adjusting the pillows underneath him so he can recline back while somewhat sitting up and pull her gently into his arms, letting Guardienne rest her head on his chest or abdomen. She’ll moan in distress, dozing but not yet sleeping, and he’ll call forth his powers to help cool her. He’ll lay a cold hand on her forehead or the back of her neck, letting his body temperature drop to provide a cool presence that she can curl up with. Lance quickly found that she really enjoys this, she’ll cling to him all night as her breathing evens and her sweating calms down, and he finds that it even helps calm her during the day. Perhaps Ewelein was right; her restlessness was due partially to the fever.

Fortunately the medicine works, and within a week she’s feeling better. Guardienne woke up one morning; groggy, lethargic and overall feeling like shit, but she moves around to adjust her position anyways, rolling over to find Lance awake and watching her.

“Hey...” She greets him, her voice grating in a way that nearly makes her wince.

“Good morning. Did the wall rat wake you up?”

“...”

“Excuse me? What wall rat?” Lance looks a bit worried.

“Ok, she doesn’t remember the wall rat...” He mutters the words to himself as he glances away before meeting her gaze again. “Nothing, what about the Liclion under the bed? He’s not licking your hand again, is he? I can take care of him if you need me to. I could probably do something about those birds, too, if they’re here.” Guardienne stills mid-weak-stretch and looks at him with an off put expression, somewhat afraid of his random speaking. He blinks back with a calm expression before shock brightens him and he leans towards her a bit

“Wait, are you better!? Do you actually understand what I’m saying!?”

“Yes, Lance, but I’m not sure that you understand what you’re saying.” She looks at him in a concerned manner, but Lance is busy throwing himself over her in a desperate, gentle hug. She hugs back, still incredibly confused but thankful that he didn’t throw all of his weight on her as well - she was very weak and tired, she didn’t think she’d be able to breath if he rested his weight on her.

“Seriously, are you ok? What’s happened these past few days? I can barely remember anything.” Lance draws back to flash her a bright grin, overjoyed at the fact that he has his partner back.

“Yes, I’m just fine, but you’re not going to believe any of this...” He tells her the story anyways.

Lance with Guardienne who's sick and too weak to move:

It started slow. Guardienne was feeling a bit sluggish one day while training with Jamon, finding that she tired easier than normal and her reaction time wasn’t as fast as usual. She had to ask Jamon for a few extra breaks throughout, sparking concern from the Ogre. He asked if she was alright and she said that she was just feeling a bit tired. Jamon promptly reminded her of the time where she had the infected wound from the Warrifang, asking if she could have another bite like that that’s causing her fatigue.

“I don’t think so, I don’t recall fighting anything as of late. I suppose I should warn Lance if this gets worse, though, just so we don’t have a repeat of the market scene the first time I saw him again.” Her tone was light with humor, but she did dismiss herself from training. She didn’t want to push herself if she was getting sick.

She carried out the rest of the day with normalcy, but the following morning is where she was really hit. 

Guardienne woke up sore, tired, lethargic, and nauseous. She should have seen Ewelein sooner. To make things even worse, she woke up with a headache and a pounding noise in her ears. Wait... no, that was her door.

She hauled herself out of bed, requiring much more strength than she expected, and immediately a flood of heat washed over her. Regardless of her swimming head and heavy limbs, she stumbled to the door and cracked it open as the pounding became more persistent .

“Oh, hey, you’re late for our breakfast! Mathieu was getting really worried - such a sweetheart! And Adalric started forming conspiracy theories of why you’re late. Karenn suggested that we - hey, you don’t look so good, are you alright?” Guardienne could barely pay attention to Koori’s rambling - her headache was terrible and she was reduced to clinging to the door frame to remain standing. She sighed, closing her eyes and groaning as she rested her head next to her hand on the frame.

“I need to go to the Infirmary.” 

“Ok, come on, I’ll help you.” Fortunately Koori was a kind person - flirtatious, and bold - but caring for her friends.

Guardienne leaned her weight against the Kitsune as they headed to the Infirmary, nearly stumbling every other step as even the slightest movements took far too much energy - only to encounter Lance along the way.

Concern immediately struck him, showing clearly on his expression as he jogged to meet the two before asking what was going on. After a brief explanation, Lance offered to take Guardienne to the Infirmary. Koori put up a bit of a fight - not anything odd, she just wanted to make sure Guardienne would be alright (and she was curious of the illness) - but agreed to let Lance take her the rest of the way.

Koori gently let go of Guardienne, letting her stand on her own two feet a moment before she wobbled. Lance quickly took hold of her, gently taking her into his arms and lifting her from the floor as Koori dismissed herself from them, wishing Guardienne good health. He turned and set a brisk pace towards the Infirmary.

“You really don’t need to carry me. I know you’re a bit weird with touching in front of others.” Guardienne spoke softly - tiredly - as she rested her head against his chest, discreetly glancing around the room to see a few heads turning to look at them.

“Hush, I don’t care about that right now.” His tone said that there would be no arguing of that.

He walked through the doors, immediately calling for Ewelein - who was fortunately near the entrance. Within a few minutes Guardienne was rested on one of the many isolated beds - isolated to assure the sickness wouldn't spread if it was infectious. Ewelein began to check her over and verbally nipped at Lance to shoo him out of the room, only to be stopped as Guardienne requested that he stay with her. If he could, at least.

Lance paused, surprise written on his face as he let the knowledge that his partner wanted him around for this sunk in. He wasn't really expecting this. She's usually very independent and doesn't like to disrupt his responsibilities for the day, so her specifically requesting his presence was a bit of a shock

"It's alright if you don't want to stay, I don't want to get in the way of your job, but if I couldn't get here on my own then I don't think I'll be able to get anywhere else... so it might be helpful to have you around..." Guardienne gave him a gentle, fatigued smile before Lance softened and relaxed a bit.

“It would be a good idea. She shouldn’t risk walking around right now; she needs to rest. Fortunately this seems to only effect her energy - there’s no major fever or anything, only a faint fever, so she just needs rest - but if walking around will be a major issue then it would definitely be a good idea for you to be around to help her.”

A gentle warmth settled in Lance’s chest; his partner was asking for his help, she wanted him to lean on while she recovered from this.

How could he say no to that? How could he deny his partner who needed him right now?

“I’ll stay, I’ll take a couple days off. You’ll have my full attention.” He turns to walk towards her and sit down beside her on the mattress, taking her hand in his as Ewelein shuffles around the Infirmary. Guardienne squeezes his hand and looks gratefully at him through narrowed eyes, leaning against his shoulder slightly.

Ewelein returns after a few minutes with a vial in her hand and configures a dose for Guardienne, explaining what it is, what it should do and in how long it should start to take effect. After a few minutes - when Ewelein is still muddling around Guardienne but not saying anything particularly important - Lance excuses himself to find Huang Hua to notify her of his time off.

From there it’s the same as when Guardienne was sick with a fever and delirium; he notifies Huang Hua and sets up a replacement for himself, only excluding asking Karuto for extra food / tea as he can leave the room this time to retrieve food without worrying for her, but he does notify him that he’s taking care of Guardienne so he’ll need two meals to go. Karuto grumbles about the information, possibly not believing him, but agrees to it anyways. If anything, he can check with Ewelein later to confirm that Lance is actually taking care of her.

Eventually he returns to Guardienne - who was dozing peacefully - and gently picks her up after speaking with Ewelein before heading out of the Infirmary to settle her on his bed.

She curled immediately into the blankets and pillows on his bed, and Lance observed as she took in a deep breath, letting it out softly as though the sole reason for that was to breathe in his scent. A warm spark fluttered in his chest as he watched her - he’ll be sure to provide for her in the coming days.

And that’s exactly what he does; provides for her, in any way she needs.

He does this in a lot of similar ways as when she had the fever delirium; he’ll bring her food, help her eat if she’s too weak, will shower with her so she can lean against him (she really likes the showering with the handsome, wet, naked dragon), and watches her carefully when she insists on trying to take a few steps on her own to test how her strength is shifting - after all, his room certainly isn’t the safest with all the weaponry laying around and he promised to himself, for her sake, that he would take the greatest care of her, so he watches her without taking his eyes off her when she tries to shuffle around.

However, there are many other things that he does this time that he didn’t (sometimes couldn’t) do last time. He cuddles with her - a lot. After all, she can’t walk around on her own, so she’s bedridden most of the time, and what better way to pass the time than cuddling it out? If her minor fever acts up, he’ll use the same cooling technique on her by using his powers. Sometimes he’ll even entertain her by playing around a bit, forming delicate, glassy shapes out of his element and letting her explore his creations. He may lay a hand on her arm and let flat, snow colored tendrils drift across her skin like frost, a faint chill emanating from where they appeared as she watches with a fascinated smile when they curl elegantly around her arm.

He’ll let her sleep as much as she wants - which is a lot - and is just fine with being woken up at any hour for any reason. At first she was hesitant about this - she didn’t want to disturb his sleep when she woke up randomly in dark hours of the night with no sign of sleep threatening her consciousness again - so a few nights were spent messily nudging her body around to shift her position with the little strength she had. This woke Lance up a few times, and she was quite surprised when he decided to stay up with her and offer to occupy her time. Guardienne continuously told him that she was alright, he could go back to sleep, but he refused to do so. He was just fine with being woken up in the middle of the night - under this circumstance, of course, not on a typical day where he has responsibilities to carry out the next day - and eventually one night she found herself attempting this as she lay awake and unable to fall asleep again. She pondered over his offer to wake him up if she wanted entertainment, and after what felt like hours of trying to do anything else, she reached an arm over to brush her hand from his jaw, down his neck, and to his bare chest - eventually giving in to try and nudge herself closer to cuddle the sleeping dragon. He shifted slightly at this - waking fully as he noticed her movement - and grinned softly at her, pulling her closer to satisfy her wishes. They stayed up for many hours after that, talking quietly and nuzzling each other. Guardienne is a bit less hesitant to wake up him for company after that.

Sometimes his partner will grow a bit restless staying in one place, being moved only when she needs to use the bathroom, shower, test her strength limitations, etc. so Lance decided to take her into his arms one day and carry her around his room. Why? Well, she was tired of staying in one place, so now she’s moving around without moving around. Guardienne looks at him like he’s the greatest thing to ever exist, and then asks if he could take her to the Fountain Park. He happily complies, being sure to keep themselves a bit more distanced from others than usual for privacy and health’s sake.

A few heads turn to watch them as Lance casually carries his partner through the guard - but he doesn’t pay mind. He’s busy providing for his partner what she needs; fresh air and a change of scenery. They’ll spend a fair amount of time outside for a while before Guardienne eventually grows tired again, and he’ll carry her back inside to nest into his bed and cuddle.

Above all else, Lance is sure to remember the medical advice Ewelein gave to him - let her rest, don’t push her energy, keep her well fed with healthy food, exercise her a little bit per day so she doesn’t lose too much muscle function, and overall; be there for her. Lance is happy to provide for his partner, and he’s honored that she wanted him specifically to take care of her, so when times come where she’s sick and needs to be taken care of again, he doesn’t hesitate to offer his help. The last thing he wants to do is leave his partner to suffer alone.

Fortunately, within a week or two she’s usually feeling better, and after that they carry on their routine as normal.

She does still ask for him to carry her around his room on occasion, though.

I hope you liked these! I tried to add in a fair share of humor and fluff. The first scenario almost seemed to take on a few dark tones due to how heavily I made her hallucinate, but I tried to keep it light. That being said - if anyone is ever that sick and is hallucinating that heavily, take them to a hospital so they can have proper treatment and supervision. This is merely a story written for entertainment, so I can bend the rules of reality a bit. 

Just as I thought, these were very fun to write. Thank you for requesting such an entertaining ask!

Have a request? Ask them here!

But first, please read the rules list for asks!

[adhd-adept]

hi! i like your posts! they're real helpful

anyway a thing i need help with

i want to ask my dad for therapy because i think i might have adhd? and also some other shit

so basically

(this is going to be a long post)

back in summer 2020, i thought i might have adhd because i was reading some comics from adhd alien and the signs of adhd she shared seemed eerily familiar?

and i did some research and more signs came up and i thought i might have them?

and i found a therapist who specialises in adhd and other issues

but when i talked to my dad about it he was all "ADHD is only hyperactive idiots who are useless without meds" and he yelled at me for a while and I'm now basically scared of mentioning the topic up ever again

he brought me to some sessions, but i think once he said it was "so the therapist tells you you don't have adhd"?

anyway after the summer ended i couldn't get therapy again because school and busy

with the 2 week spring vacation coming up i was thinking of maybe asking him again? but I'm really scared and he probably won't take it seriously again...

signed,

an idiot

Hey! Thanks. I’m glad I can be helpful. I wanted to answer this right away, but it took me a little time because this question deserves a thoughtful response. This is going to be a long post.

[If anyone with more experience in situations like this has advice, I would welcome suggestions]

First things first! I don't think you're an idiot. This world can be hard to navigate even in the best of times, and I will never think you're foolish for needing a little help with anything that that entails!

Looking for a therapist is a great start! I’m glad that you are taking yourself seriously and taking steps to get help. That can take a lot of courage, and I’m proud of you for it!

Know that it may continue to take courage, and persistence - it can be really difficult to get an official ADHD diagnosis. I definitely have ADHD, and it actually took two tries when I got diagnosed around age 12, as the first doctor thought I had been perfectly attentive during the meeting and thus could not believe I was struggling with inattention elsewhere. My friend in her early twenties has been attending periodic doctor and therapist sessions for a couple months now, because the first doctor didn’t take her seriously, the second said she clearly had ADHD but sent her elsewhere for prescriptions, and the doctor they sent her to insisted she get a second opinion. She is finally starting to get accommodations, but it’s been an ongoing effort.

And you may simply not get along very well with your first therapist. You can always try reaching out to another. It can be a long process, and I hope saying that does not discourage you because there is a lot of good that comes at the end of that process; specifically, a better understanding of yourself and access to some resources that can help you seek accommodations for the things you struggle with.

It sounds like you’ve done your research on therapy, though. If you want any help with looking for a therapist, I am happy to help, (or at least try to). But it sounds like what you’re asking is how to approach the subject with your dad?

You’ll have to take some of my advice from here with a grain of salt; I’ve never been in the specific situation you’re in now, and of course I don’t know your dad as well as you do. But in my experience, rephrasing a request can do a lot to make it sound more reasonable.

I think the first step is understanding where he is coming from. Again, you have met the man and I haven’t, so this is more suggestion and guesswork than any kind of statement.

It sounds like your dad has a significant bias against neurodivergence. But I think it does matter WHY he feels that way. I can only imagine that it comes from a lifetime of hearing those things about ADHD from the people around him, and it will take time for him to reverse that prejudice. I feel sorry for him to have grown up in that hostile environment, and I am sorry that that hostility is being carried through to you.

But the result is that he thinks there’s something wrong with having ADHD. Of course, that isn’t true, but no parent wants to believe there’s something “wrong” with their child, and he will probably be resistant to the idea for as long as he believes that there is. 

More than that, I think parents don’t want to believe that, if there IS something wrong with their kid, it might have come from them. A child twisting their ankle in PE class or getting bitten by an ant is one thing - it hurts to see the child in pain, but it isn’t their fault. It’s much harder for a parent to see their child suffer because of a hereditary condition, because I think there can be a lot of guilt associated with that.

On top of that, if he’s been told that ADHD is a terrible thing, it might be disagreeable to him because if you have it then maybe he has it too. People don’t want to believe there’s anything wrong with themselves either.

I don’t know if that’s, on some level, why he reacted the way he did - and even if it’s true, I don’t think any of this justifies yelling at you for it. Nothing justifies that. And I want to be clear that it shouldn’t have to be your responsibility to figure out why he feels the way he feels - that should be on him, and it’s unfair to you to have to work through his issues on your way to getting the help you need. This isn’t necessarily the best or only approach. But trying to at least figure out why he feels the way he does might help you figure out how to approach the subject again. 

Maybe even ask him where he got his impression of ADHD, if it does not feel like doing so will start a new argument. (Maybe don’t mention the part where you’re asking because some stranger on the internet is trying to psychoanalyze him.) But I find, personally, that conversations go better when I can approach them with patience, and I have more patience when I make an effort to remember that the other person’s reactions have to come from somewhere, and if I can at least start out believing that they are misinformed rather than actively hostile.

I think a good start would be to try educating him about ADHD and see how that goes. Anything might sound scary because it is unfamiliar; or, worse, it might sound scary because it sounds vaguely familiar even if the only information you know is that you think someone said it’s scary. 

An aside, to give an example: There was a meme a while ago where water would be referred to as “dihydrogen monoxide” and framed as a dangerous thing with vague-but-technically-true statements such as “it’s a common byproduct of chemical reactions,” and “it’s found in our sewer systems”, or “it has the highest pH value of any acid” (you may recall that the strongest acids are those with a low pH value).

I think it’s easy to do the same with neurodiversity. If all you know about water is that it’s a chemical, it may sound scary. If all you know about ADHD is that it’s a mental disorder, it may sound scary.

Talking with him directly may be better than sending him articles - they tend to start with phrases like “mental health disorder” and “chronic condition”, or big (scary) jargon words that you might want to avoid if you want it to sound approachable (I mean, even the “Simple English” version of the Wikipedia article has the word “neurodevelopmental” in the first sentence).

I think it’s important for him to know that everyone’s ADHD experience is different - symptoms can be strong, or they can be very weak, but even people with very weak symptoms may benefit from seeking professional advice. You can be very “high functioning,” and still find certain tasks more difficult than most people do, and thus benefit from help even if you don’t “need” it to achieve your goals or lead a “normal” looking life.

You might tell him that a lot of ADHD treatment is about paying attention to your own behaviors and learning what works best for you - that even if you do not have ADHD, you may have some experiences in common with people who do, and that seeking a therapist who specializes in ADHD may help you find someone with the kind of attitude you are looking for; maybe you want someone who will be especially patient, and who will be prepared to take you seriously with the symptoms or traits you do have.

After all, most people can understand that you don’t have to have clinical depression to benefit from some of the behavioral things often recommended to people who do, such as getting regular exercise and more sunshine. You can do things that improve your mood even if you don’t have diagnosed clinical depression. 

Similarly, if you are seeking help with some things that people with ADHD struggle with - organization, time management, staying focused - a therapist who specializes in ADHD may be a good fit for you for that reason alone, even if you don’t have it.

And yeah, it sounds like he doesn’t want you to have ADHD, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying “even if I don’t have it, talking to a specialist can help me rule that out,” if that’s what helps him feel more comfortable with you getting an appointment. Again, it will take time for him to overcome the negative impression he has now, but at the very least, if he forms a positive impression of ADHD therapists he might not be so hostile about ADHD itself.

Maybe remind him that there can be a lot of overlap between ADHD and other experiences, but that it seems like a good place to start seeking help because it is a relatively common cause of some of the things you’ve experienced.

Know how much you would be willing to compromise before you have this conversation - would you be okay with getting a therapist even if they do not specialize in ADHD? Would you be unlikely to get an appointment if he made it conditional on something like maintaining good grades? Have a clear, tangible goal in mind; while you may leave room for uncertainty in your diagnosis until you speak with a professional, you should try not to leave room for uncertainty in what you are asking for. Know what you want - a session (or a number of sessions) with a therapist - and have your reasoning for that ready, maybe even written down. People tend to take you more seriously when you can demonstrate that you’ve thought something through.

If you say you think you have ADHD, I believe you. But regardless of that, you have recognized that there is something you need help with, and you are taking action in response. I hope that, at the very least, if your dad does not want to take the suggestion of ADHD seriously, he can at least take you seriously when you say that you need help. 

And you will get help. You are moving in the right direction. Don’t lose sight of that.

I hope I’ve answered your question! If this is hard to read I can maybe come back and re-write it as a set of bullet points, maybe suggestions of things to say, but I felt that in the case of more personalized advice it was important to address the context of my advice. If you needed more specific advice, feel free to clarify. And of course, if you have any other questions, I’m always around.

Best of luck!

[keiscait]

hii ♡!¡ how are you? you feel good? i hope you have a beautiful day/afternoon/night

i could ask you for a living room matchup ( of course if you don't mind ) , i'm going to be honest it really seems like a very, very good idea, i love how you thought everything.

okay, i'm she/her, bisexual, i was never in a relationship with someone, but i think i would try to make my partner feel comfortable and can trust me not to be afraid of being judged.

i am too dramatic and stubborn a person, i acted before thinking and when i make a mistake i ask for forgiveness all the time, i think a lot about things even in the minims.

when some friend shows me their affection i get very happy, i'm ashamed to be the center of attention, i'm introverted.

i can change my mood very quickly, i am optimistic with others but pessimistic with myself, when i become insecure i tend to be very sensitive or reserved.

when i'm going through a bad time I prefer to be alone why do I get tense if there is someone with me for being afraid of treating them badly.

i really like comfortable clothes, like big sweaters or big shirts, i like the cold, the rain, the night, look at the stars and i adore deep talks, i like to feel in a comfortable and safe environment <33, it also relaxes me to meditate but I almost always end up sleeping, i like to have my area tidy (i'm not that perfectionist) i think I love sticking my head out in the car while listening to music.

i do not like sports or any physical activity, i hate homophobic and racist people, i don't like little kids i always treat them well and they get very attached to me but i don't know what to do in situations when they start to cry and i can't put the shoe on them when they drop ( it always happens to me and i was very stupid ) i don't like to see people mad at me, i don't like being treated badly or ignored (i'm very sensitive)

my sign is aquarius, rising in taurus

i am looking for a partner that we feel comfortable, that we have in-depth talks about theories or mystery cases, that we watch plot twist movies, that we are not afraid to be who we are, i would find someone to give me words of affirmation and physical contact like hugs, that there is no jealousy in the relationship, that we can spend time with our friends.

that them can trust me and tell me what is wrong with them or why them feels bad or insecure. i would love that we can go to those places where you are in the car and you see a movie (i don't remember how they called that place srry) let it be at night and let's dance any music.

i am in crisis with my hogwarts house why almost everyone says i am a hufflepuff but sometimes i have qualities of a ravenclaw,

i don't really know what to think about my future, but my dreams would be to become a better person and always offer a hand to anyone who feels bad, i would like my future to be like the style of clothing and life i want, to be able to go to a forest or a lake and have picnics, help an animal that is sick like a bird or a deer.

in appearance i am a little chubby, my hair is brown it is not so long but not so short, i have moles on my face and almost all on my body, i'm 1.62

i have no problem in music style, but I prefer those that are more calm or depressing.

to make it easy for you some of my favorite songs are ;;

- show me how - men i trust

- sparks - coldplay

- line without a hook - ricky montgomery

- flawless - the neighbourhood

i highly recommend them

thaank you very much for reading seriously ♡!¡, sorry for my english is that it is not my first language :((

Hello and welcome, sweetheart! Don’t worry, you communicated perfectly. Everyone is welcome here in my home. (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* Let’s head to the living room! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Look who I’ve invited over for you!

Ojiro Aran! (Runner up: Kunimi Akira)

Aran here is one of the most calm and intelligent characters in the show. He’s excellent at reading people, and quickly adapts to situations. He doesn’t participate in the chaos despite being used to it, and is usually seen just looking on. On the other hand, he can easily be misunderstood as stoic, but in fact, he really is in touch with emotions, even those of others. Has a lot of faith in the people he loves, is a great supporter, and he always sees the best in things.

- Aran is one of the few characters in the show who I feel wouldn’t freak out when he finds out you’ve never been in a relationship, and will instead want to give you the best that he possibly can

- Also one of the few characters that won’t mind that you don’t like sports, and will not force it on you

- Will build trust through comfort and acceptance, so neither of you will have to worry about judgment in the relationship

- Can handle your ups and downs calmly, and will respect whatever your wishes are for when times are bad. He just needs you to communicate your needs, and you got it!

- Knows how to quell your overthinking. He will keep you in a safe space, and makes sure you know this so that you don’t get to the point of imploding

- you guys would be amazing at problem-solving. He would balance out your mood swings, and keeps you grounded by basically supervising your habit of acting before thinking. Plus he won’t make you feel bad for this, he just knows this is how you are. This man sets the bar so high when it comes to acceptance and understanding

- intellectual conversations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Mom and dad 🥺 pls be my parents

- like seriously, I picture you both at the breakfast table, him with a newspaper in hand and a cup of coffee, while you’re telling him about the new birdbath in your front yard. PLS MAKE A TV SHOW ABOUT YOUR DOMESTIC FUTURE, PARENTS 🥺

~

You were in the passenger seat of Aran’s car, on the way home from the drive-in theater. You held hands as he drove, The Neighborhood setting the mood for this wonderful calm that blanketed the both of you. 

“Did you enjoy today?” he sneaks a peek in your direction. You could see the faintest pink in his cheeks. Everything felt so new yet so comfortable.

“I really did. I’m still thinking about that ending, I would never have seen it coming!” you told him for what seems like the 10th time that night. He let out a chuckle and admired the twinkle in your eye. He looked forward and you fall back into the silence.

“I was thinking,” he tried, and you could hear some nerves leak out of his words, “I’d like to see you again. Soon, if that’s okay.” 

You observed him a little while and smiled, trying to come up with a response, before he continued, “Real soon. Maybe even tomorrow...and the day after that, too...” he trailed off, before pulling up in front of your house.

“Aran, you’re rambling. This is unlike you,” you humored. He shrugged. You couldn’t hold back the blood rushing to your cheeks before saying, “Yes, I’d like that too.”

He sighed, seeming like he had been holding his breath for a while. “Great.” He shot you a smile that made you wish for a hundred more nights like this.

“I’ll call you tonight. Tell me more theories you have about the movie.” He kissed the back of your hand before letting go.

Needless to say this was the most perfect first date you could’ve ever asked for.

~

Sorry this was a bit short, hon! I wanted to keep it simple and pure 😌 I hope I still met your expectations. Please don’t hesitate to drop by and chat with me again soon <3

Thanks for stopping by! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[cocastyle]

The In-Between Chapter 8

Stranger Things x It Crossover

with some Bill Denbrough x reader

Word Count - 14,120

Warning - just a lot of emotions😭💗also, I put one of the It Chapter 2 scenes in here for Richie so here’s the warning for that!!

A/N- so this is THE LONGEST chapter I have written for this series but it’s 100% necessary for the series. this chapter is going to show a small but very important memory of Y/N with each of the characters, each one showcasing just a little bit of how much Y/N means to them which will help show you all how much her situation affects them. since there are so many characters and flashbacks that means this chapter is super long so I apologize in advance if you think it’s too long, but I just couldn’t split it up, you know? also, I changed a scene from It Chapter 2 and basically had it happen when Y/N was around to fit the storyline, so just pretend like it happened after they defeated It in the first movie, okay? anyways, I really hope you guys like this chapter! we still have plenty of more until the end! also, all flashbacks will be in italics!

if you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know!

T H E I N - B E T W E E N

Intro The Losers’ Club The Party Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Epilogue

Steve Harrington stared at the little girl in front of him, a small frown etched onto his face as he did so. It was only him and the little girl in the room, both of their parents out in the hallway conversing while Steve got left to watch the young girl and 'bond with her' as his parents had put it.

He didn't know what to think as he stared at the girl who was currently sleeping in the crib wrapped up in a small blanket. He didn't particularly like her at the moment even though she was only a baby, still unable to talk or annoy him like a regular person his age could.

No, she was five years younger than him and had only been born the week before. His parents were just really close parents with hers, so the moment his parents got the call about Y/N L/N being born, they were pulling him towards the car so that they could go visit.

Steve wouldn't admit it, but he was kind of jealous. He just didn't get how Y/N was so special and why his parents were gushing over her when they hardly paid attention to him half of the time.

"What makes you so special?" Steve softly asked as he leaned against the edge of the crib, his fist pushing against his cheek and causing his skin to scrunch up as he stared at her. He brushed his hair back with his hand and scrunched his nose up as Y/N started to move. The baby then let out a small yawn and Steve froze. Okay, so that was kind of cute.

Steve quickly shook his head, his mop of hair moving with him as he did so. He wouldn't allow himself to have those thoughts. He wouldn't let himself break when he was trying everything in his power not to like the girl that had stolen the attention of his parents away from him.

A small coo had him looking back down at the girl and his breath hitched slightly at the sight of big e/c eyes staring up at him. A huge grin appeared on her face as she looked up at him, her arm moving in a jerking motion as she squirmed. "I won't lie. You are kind of adorable," Steve muttered as he looked down at the girl. She let out a small coo and the corners of Steve's lips turned up ever so slightly.

He noticed that her blanket was staring to fall off and reached in to fix it, the small action causing Y/N to reach out and grab onto his thumb with her tiny hand. Steve instantly froze, his eyes flickering over to lock on the baby who was staring at him with wide eyes and a toothless grin. Steve's heart melted in that moment and he gently moved her arm up and down by moving his thumb that she was still latched onto. "I guess you're not that bad," Steve whispered.

As if understanding what he had said, Y/N let out a small laugh that made him smile as a giddy feeling filled the five year old's body. And it was in that moment, with the little girl staring up at him, that he realized the responsibility that he had now bestowed upon himself.

Steve lovingly rubbed the soft skin of Y/N's tiny hand before whispering, "I'm Steve. You don't have a brother right now, but. . .but I can be that for you if you want? I'll love you with all my heart and take care of you. And don't worry, I'll protect you, okay? I'll always protect you."

- - -

Lucas let out a small sigh as he looked around his first grade classroom, watching as the kids all went to sit by their friends, making sure to avoid his table entirely. He didn't know what he did that was so wrong, but no one ever seemed to want to talk to him or even sit at the same table as him.

Staring at his empty table, Lucas let out a sigh before reaching for the crayons and beginning to work on his drawing. He didn't even realize someone had walked up to his table before a small voice asked, "Can I sit here?"

Lucas almost fell out of his seat from the sudden noise and looked up with wide eyes to see a young girl standing there. She gave him a small smile and it was only then that he remembered she had asked him a question.

"Uh. . .sure. Yeah," Lucas smiled, happy that someone actually wanted to sit with him. He watched as she sat down, but his eyebrows furrowed in confusion once he saw her pull back the other chair as if someone were going to sit down.

The girl noticed his stare and slapped her forehead. "Silly me. I'm Y/N and this is my friend Frank," she said with a giggle. She then glanced at the empty seat before leaning closer to Lucas and whispering, "He's a bit shy." Lucas snickered and Y/N winked at him before pulling away and grabbing a green crayon. She began coloring and started to tell Lucas her whole life story it seemed like.

Lucas didn't mind. He actually enjoyed the girl's company, finding her quite funny and entertaining with the way she moved her hands around as she spoke. It was only when she was in the middle of telling Lucas a story about the time she broke her arm because Frank told her to try and stick a landing by jumping off a tree that her crayon broke and she fell silent.

"Shit."

The two froze at that and Lucas looked up at the girl who seemed a bit surprised that she had uttered that word. Her eyes locked with Lucas' and the two sat there for a moment before they burst into laughter, huge grins on their faces.

"I like you!" Lucas exclaimed as he pointed his crayon in her direction. He gave her a big grin before tilting his head and asking, "Want to be best friends?" Y/N returned the smile before saying, "Sure! I was getting kind of bored of Frank anyways. He likes to eat too much candy and I don't need that or the cavities in my life." She then picked up a red crayon before glancing over at the empty seat and shrugging her shoulders. “Sorry, Frank."

- - -

Dustin skipped out of school with a grin on his face as he headed towards his bike. It was the second week of second grade and Dustin loved it so far. He didn't have many friends except for a boy named Lucas, but he had slowly started becoming friends with two other boys named Mike and Will. He didn't care about not having many friends. He was just happy with life and that was all that mattered.

In that moment, Dustin was most excited about getting home to show his mother the small painting he had made for her today. It was two stick figures, one being him and one being his mother, with a small blob that he had determined was his cat Mews. He was no Picasso, but his mother wouldn't care. The fact that it was coming from him was all that mattered.

Dustin could see his bike by now and his grin widened just a little as he stopped skipping and went to run towards it. However, just when he went to step forward, the force of two hands shoving him in the back had him tumbling to the ground.

His hands scrapped against the ground as he tried to catch himself and he let out a small hiss of pain as he stilled on the ground. "Ouch," Dustin muttered, pulling himself up slightly so that he could turn and see who had just pushed him.

He let out a mental groan at the sight of Troy Walsh and his friend James Dante, the two school bullies in his grade. "Better watch where you're going, Toothless. You don't want to lose more teeth, do ya?" Troy cackled, James snickering from his side.

Dustin tried to get up, but James just shoved the boy down. Dustin let out a defeated sigh and looked up at the boys from under his hat. "I've told you before. I have cleidocranial dysplasia," he muttered, his shoulders slumping slightly as he was being bullied for a condition he couldn't control.

"Those are some big words. You sure you know what they mean?" James laughed. “You sure you do?" Dustin retorted earning glares from the boys before Troy sent a kick to his side. Dustin groaned and held onto his side while the two bullies glared at him.

"A little birdie told me you have a pretty gross trick you can do with your arm. We want you to show us, freak," Troy demanded. Dustin went to shake his head, but James kicked him hard enough to have him falling back again. "Show us!" James exclaimed.

Dustin looked up at the boys shyly before moving his arms in a weird way so that they popped. Troy and James both winced before Troy muttered, "That was disgusting. Do it again." "I don't want to," Dustin told them as he fixed the way his arms looked. Not that it hurt doing it, but the movement could feel uncomfortable at times.

"You really are a freak, aren't you?" Troy laughed before sending another kick at the boy's side. Dustin groaned and hugged his body close to himself as the boys continued to taunt and kick him. All he wanted was to go home, but the fact that he had no friends meant that he had no one who would stand up for him. So all he could do was wait until the boys were done having their fun.

"Hey, assholes!" a voice exclaimed making the kicking stop for a second as all three boys turned to see a girl in a yellow dress with her hair tied back with a yellow bow standing there with a glare on her face.

Dustin recognized her almost immediately. He had seen her hanging around Lucas quite often. The girl was Y/N L/N and her and Lucas had been best friends since the previous year. He had always wanted to try and talk to her, but she was never around Lucas when he was there and the idea of talking to a girl scared him from talking to her when she was around Lucas.

By now the kids that were outside waiting on their parents to pick them up had turned their attention over to the group and the girl who had just openly cussed in front of everyone. Some children were snickering while others were wide eyed, but no one made a move to stop them.

"I'm sorry. Were you talking to us?" Troy asked, turning his attention away from Dustin to look at Y/N in disbelief. "Well you're the only assholes here, so who else would I be talking to?" Y/N questioned. Troy and James both went to say something, but Y/N didn't even give them the time of day as she said, "Leave the boy alone."

"Who? Toothless over here?" James asked as he kicked Dustin for good measure. "No, I don't think we will," Troy told her. "Why? Because your life sucks so badly and you're so insecure that you have to make up for it by bullying others?" Y/N retorted, earning small snickers from the kids while Troy and James glared at her with red faces.

"Insecure? What makes you think we're insecure? If anything, you should be. I mean, with a rat face like yours who wouldn't be?" Troy laughed, James joining in, but Y/N only stared at them blankly, not fazed by them at all. The fact that she didn't react made the boys' laughter die down and a silence fell among the front schoolyard.

"Your words don't bother me, Walsh. Yours either, Dante. Want to know why? Cause why the hell would I listen to the two of you when you can't even take any of the quizzes in class without cheating off of others. And guess what? You still manage to fail! So why would the words of two dumbasses such as yourselves bother me?" Y/N asked, her eyebrows raised as she awaited an answer.

The laughter was getting louder by now and and Troy and James were both red faced. "I don't need to explain why you're insecure because I know you both know exactly what I'm talking about. Or do you want me to tell everyone right now just how much a pussy you two really are?" Y/N asked as she took a few steps closer to the boys.

To Dustin's surprise, they stepped back. "You bitch," James muttered. "No, you are the bitch," Y/N whispered in a dark tone. "So why don't you two stop being bitches and head home. Your mothers will be waiting for you."

Troy and James glared at the girl, but began to walk away. "You're going to pay for this, L/N!" Troy yelled after her. Y/N just rolled her eyes and flicked the boys off before turning away and looking to Dustin who was still on the ground. "You okay?" she asked as she walked over to the boy.

"Y-Yeah, I'm okay," Dustin said as he stared up at the girl in shock. Y/N smiled and held a hand out for the boy to take. He quickly grabbed on and she helped him into his feet before the two smiled at each other. “That was amazing," Dustin told her. "Thank you."

"Don't let them bother you. Troy and James are idiots," Y/N said. She stared at the boy for a moment before saying, "I think I've seen you with Lucas before. Lucas is like my best friend."

"Yeah, we've hung out a couple of times," Dustin told her before he held a hand out. "I'm Dustin by the way. Dustin Henderson." Y/N smiled and took his hand before shaking it. "Y/N," she said, "Y/N L/N." And that was the beginning of their friendship.

- - -

"Y/N can do it!" Wheeler exclaimed causing Y/N to blink out of her thoughts she had been having to see Wheeler, Dustin, and Lucas all staring at her. “What?" Y/N asked confused seeing as she hadn't listened to a word the boys were saying. She was too busy thinking about Will who had been missing for a couple of days now. She was really worried about him, so she had found herself drifting off into space more and more often because of how much she missed him.

"You're a girl," Dustin said causing Y/N to blink. "Wow. Nice going, Sherlock. How long did it take for you to figure that out?" Y/N asked sarcastically earning a snort from Lucas who high fived her while Dustin looked unamused.

"What we are getting at is that because you are a girl, you can help get El ready and like do her makeup and stuff," Wheeler explained. Y/N hesitated and let her eyes flicker over to the girl who had literally appeared out of no where.

Eleven was the girl the group had met in the woods the other night. She had been wearing ratty clothes, had all of her hair shaved off, and didn't seem to know many words since all of her responses were only a couple words long. Y/N still didn't entirely know the girl, but Eleven seemed nice enough and Y/N actually liked her. The fact that Eleven seemed to know how to help Will also made her more accepting of her as well.

"Okay, I'm going to pretend like you didn't just assume I know how to use makeup because I'm a girl. But I probably do know more than you three, so you guys figure out an outfit while I go do El's makeup," Y/N sighed. The boys nodded and Y/N was quick to turn and take Eleven's hand before gently pulling her towards Nancy Wheeler's bedroom where she knew she would be able to find makeup of some kind.

It took a few minutes, but the two girls were eventually sitting on Nancy's bed while Y/N did Eleven's makeup. Eleven was a shy girl and didn't like to say much, so Y/N just softly hummed as she worked, pretending not to notice the way Eleven looked at her and smiling softly when Eleven tried humming the song back.

"And done!" Y/N exclaimed once she had finished up, closing the lipstick as she leaned back to look at the girl. Y/N grinned before putting the makeup down and pulling Eleven off the bed, a small laugh escaping her lips as she brought the girl over to the mirror.

Eleven froze at the sight of herself before she hesitantly reached up and poked at her face. She was silent for a minute before whispering, "Pretty?" Y/N smiled and whispered, "You're pretty with or without the makeup, El."

Eleven smiled at that and Y/N returned it as she wrapped an arm around the girl's neck and hugged her, the two looking at their reflections. Eleven was silent again as her eyes flickered between her own reflection and Y/N's. Y/N could tell she wanted to ask something, so she didn't move as she waited for Eleven to speak.

"Friends?" Eleven finally asked, her eyes flickering to look at Y/N's through the mirror as if she were afraid to ask the question in fear of Y/N saying no. Y/N smiled and whispered, "Even better. We're best friends." Eleven smiled, obviously liking the sound of that. She found herself wrapping an arm around Y/N and hugging her just like Y/N was doing before whispering back in confirmation, "Best friends."

- - -

Playing D&D with only two people was quite hard and Y/N and Will didn't realize that until one afternoon when everyone else was busy. It didn't seem to bother either of them though since it only made the game that much more fun to figure out and Will really needed that at the moment.

It had been a couple of weeks since he had returned from the Upside Down and things hadn't been the same since before he had disappeared. Wheeler was depressed because of losing Eleven, so he had been kind of off the radar, wanting nothing more than to be alone. As for Lucas and Dustin, they talked to Will like they were walking on egg shells, so Will didn't hang out with them as much at the moment.

But Y/N was different. She knew how hard it was for Will to adjust after an experience like that, especially seeing as he couldn't even sleep without waking up screaming due to nightmares. Y/N knew Will would talk to her eventually, so she just decided to treat him like normal, joking and laughing around with him like the events that had taken place never happened. It helped both of them seeing as Y/N was also affected by the loss of Eleven.

Y/N treated Will like a normal human being and it was so comforting that he had been spending most of his days by her side, the two hanging out outside of school whenever the others couldn't and just enjoying being kids.

That's how they ended up where they were right now— in Will's living room playing D&D while Jonathan listened to music in his room. Lucas had had a doctor's appointment that day, Dustin had been grounded for accidentally setting his cat's tail on fire, and Wheeler had gone home, so Y/N had brought it upon herself to entertain Will by playing D&D.

Y/N was dressed up as a magician while Will was dressed up as a wizard and the two would break character every so often to chuckle at their outfits. Besides Will, Y/N was probably the second most enthusiastic about the game and she often took over the role of narrator when Wheeler didn't want to.

This was probably one of Will's favorite days with Y/N and he didn't know why. They were just playing a game, but maybe that's exactly why it was. There was no special treatment, no walking on egg shells. It was just the two of them, two best friends being the kids that they were.

Will watched Y/N silently, his mind racing as he tried to figure out how he had gained such a great friend like Y/N. As if sensing his stare, the girl glanced over at him, her hat tilting slightly as she did. She quickly fixed her hat and gave her friend an amused look as she raised her eyebrows. "What?" she asked, the corners of her lips turning up into a smile.

"I just. . ." Will hesitated and Y/N furrowed her eyebrows. Will smiled softly before whispering, "Thank you, Y/N." He didn't have to explain what he was thanking her for. It was for her treating him normally, for playing D&D with him, for just being his friend.

Y/N was silent for a minute as she just stared at her friend, her heart warming slightly as she realized just how much she had missed him while he was gone. She smiled, "No problem, Will the Wise. Now choose your action!"

Will let out a loud laugh and neither of the kids noticed Jonathan who was watching from the doorway, happy to see his brother finally acting like himself for once. Will glanced at his friend and gave her a sly look as he picked up the dice. "Fireball."

- - -

"Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?" Y/N muttered in frustration as she flipped through the pile of records she had in the box in front of her. Letting out a groan once she had hit the back of the box, Y/N turned her body to look at Wheeler who was standing on the other end of the store.

"Wheeler, tell me some good news please!" Y/N called out, but the frown on Wheeler's face was enough of a response. "Shit," the twelve year old muttered as she hurried over to one of the boxes she had checked when they first arrived at the record shop. It was the morning before the Party's monthly karaoke night at Y/N's house and Y/N needed to get the latest Bruce Springsteen record to be able to use. Her and Wheeler always sang a song together and they were determined to sing Born in the U.S.A. However, they couldn't do that until they found the record first.

"We've checked everywhere, L/N. I don't think they have it," Wheeler said as he came to a stop beside the girl. "But how? It's still such a new album!" Y/N complained. "Exactly. They probably sold out," Wheeler told her.

"May I help you two?" a small voice asked causing the two to turn and see a young woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties standing at the end of the aisle. "Oh, yes!" Y/N exclaimed as she hurried over to the woman. "We're looking for the new Bruce Springsteen record but can't seem to find it."

"Oh, you two are fans of Bruce? I think we sold our last record earlier this morning," the woman told them causing Wheeler and Y/N to frown. "But I think we might have a few stragglers in the back if you two want to come and check." The twelve year olds' eyes lit up and Y/N gripped onto Wheeler's arm as the two jumped up and down in excitement. "Yes, please!" they both exclaimed.

The woman chuckled before gesturing to follow her. She brought them to the back where there were a few boxes of records laying in storage. "You two are free to look through the boxes if you would like. I'll be out front once you two are done," the woman told them before she began to walk away. "Thank you!" the two kids yelled after her before they looked to the boxes. They glanced at each other before practically breaking into a run.

The two were looking through the boxes within seconds and it took a few minutes before Wheeler cried out triumphantly, "I found it!" Y/N's eyes lit up and she turned to see Wheeler holding the record up in the air. She squealed before running over to the boy and hugging him in excitement. "We hit the jackpot! Hurry! Let's go buy this so we can try it out!" Y/N said.

Wheeler nodded and the two went up to the front to pay for the record. It took about twenty minutes for them to buy the record and bike all the way to Y/N's house, but it was totally worth it once they heard the familiar beat of Born in the U.S.A filling the air.

"Born down in a dead man's town. The first kick I took was when I hit the ground," Y/N sang as she pointed to Wheeler, one hand up as if she were holding a microphone. Wheeler mimicked her actions and squeezed his eyes shut as he sang along to the music with as much passion as he could, "End up like a dog that's been beat too much. 'Til you spend half your life just covering up."

The two kids grinned before singing out, "Born in the U.S.A. I was born in the U.S.A!" The two kids danced crazily around the room with their eyes shut, neither of them realizing how close they had gotten before they tripped over each other's feet and went tumbling to the ground. Y/N and Wheeler opened their eyes and the moment their eyes locked, they burst into a round of childish laughter.

This is what it was like whenever the two were together. Their friendship could be a bit odd at times, but it was about as strong as her friendship with Lucas. They were best friends and partners in crime. But even more importantly, they were karaoke partners and that night when they sang along to their favorite song would just be another win on their long list of karaoke accomplishments.

So with their laughter filling the air and five more hours until the others were supposed to come over for karaoke night, the two kids got up and spun around the room, singing their favorite song and enjoying the moment they had together.

"I was born in the U.S.A. Born in the U.S.A."

- - -

"You sure this is going to work?" Max whispered as she stared at the place in front of her. Y/N glanced over at her friend and chuckled before nudging her. "Of course it will," she told her. "Besides, you're with me. They love me."

Max rolled her eyes at her friend's ego and Y/N chuckled before linking her arm with her friend, the two walking into Scoops Ahoy side by side. "Harrington!" Y/N cried out before said boy came running out of the back room.

His eyes searched frantically before he saw Y/N standing there with Max by her side at the counter. "You little shit," he breathed out. "You can't just come running in here yelling for me like that. I thought something was wrong."

"But something is wrong," Y/N told him, the boy raising an eyebrow in amusement as a response. "I'm hungry." Steve rolled his eyes, but let out a small chuckle. "You've got a problematic life I see," he joked making Max chuckle while Y/N reached across the counter to lightly punch the boy's arm. "What would you two like?"

"Can we try one of everything and then decide what we want?" Y/N asked as she put an innocent smile on her face. Steve looked at her unamused. "I know what you're trying to do-" he began, but Y/N leaned on the counter and gave him her best pleading face as she batted her eyelashes. "Please, Stevie. Please," she said.

Steve was silent for a minute before a voice behind him said, "You're screwed." The group turned to see Robin standing with a whiteboard that had Y/N's name written on one side and Steve's on the other. "I know you, Harrington, and Y/N just pulled the puppy dog eyes on you. She's going to win this round once again," Robin said as she went ahead and drew another tally mark under Y/N's name, adding it to the collection of tally marks already there.

"No one asked you. Put that thing away!" Steve exclaimed in annoyance. Robin chuckled and held her hands up in surrender before pushing the board aside. Steve rolled his eyes before turning back to Y/N and Max who were both now giving him their best puppy eyes. He let out a sigh. "Fine. I'll get you two your samples. Now go ahead and sit down," he told them.

Y/N grinned before leaning across the counter to kiss Steve's cheek. "Thanks, Steve. Love you!" she exclaimed as she turned and dragged Max away to go find a seat. "Love you too, squirt," Steve chuckled before going to get the samples for the girls.

"Holy shit. I can't believe that worked," Max muttered as the two slid into a booth. "It's Steve. He's a sucker when it comes to me," Y/N laughed. "I love him so much."

"I wish Billy was like that. Steve isn't even your real brother," Max pouted. "He might as well be," Y/N muttered. "I'm sorry about, Billy. I think he's just going through some things right now. But in the end, he's always going to love you." Max smiled softly at that and gave Y/N a thankful nod.

"I wish Eleven was here," Y/N said, trying to change the subject. "The three of us hanging out together? Think of all the mischief we could get into!" Max chuckled, "Yeah, but's she's too busy sucking faces with Mike." The two grimaced at the thought before letting out loud laughs.

"You know, I'm glad you moved here," Y/N suddenly said, the comment making Max freeze before she looked to her friend with a smile. "I don't know. I mean, I love the boys and everything, but it's nice having some friends that are girls as well." Max smiled softly, thankful that Y/N had said that especially since she had been doubting herself in the friend group recently. "Thanks, Y/N. It's a pleasure to be able to save you from the boys," Max jokingly said.

The two girls chuckled and were in the middle of laughing when Steve set their samples down before them. Their eyes instantly lit up and Steve pointed a finger at them. "Just this time, okay?" he said. "Yes, sir!" the two girls said before they mock saluted him, thus causing another round of laughter. Steve rolled his eyes with a smile on his face before he ruffled Y/N's hair and went back to working.

Max and Y/N both glanced at each other before looking to the samples before them. There were so many that they knew they wouldn't be hungry when they were done. Y/N smirked before looking up at the red head.

"First once to get a brain freeze loses."

"Oh you're so on."

- - -

"Dammit," Mike Hanlon muttered as he stared at the bags that had fallen from his bike and onto the sidewalk. Luckily nothing had spilled, but he was going to be late to meet up with his friends if he didn't get all of his shit together.

With a frown on his face, Mike set his bike up against a building before bending down to pick up the packages he had to deliver later. His grandfather had been in a good mood and allowed him to meet up with his friends before delivering the packages, so Mike could not mess this up.

Today was the day he was supposed to be meeting the girl who had become close to the Losers. From what the others had told him, she had just moved from Indiana and seemed to be pretty amazing. He hadn't had the chance to meet her yet because he was homeschooled and work had kept him busy, but he was finally getting to meet the girl today and Mike was honestly quite nervous. He wondered what she would be like especially since each of the Losers has described her in different ways.

Stan had called her a great listener while Eddie called her a kind and understanding person. Beverly had described her as the coolest chick one would ever meet and Ben had talked about how she had great taste in music. Then there was Richie who, in true Richie fashion, had called her a babe much to Bill's annoyance. And finally Bill, who was obviously crushing on the girl, had just gushed about how great of a person she was before realizing he was getting carried away and becoming embarrassed. Mike knew he was going to like the girl just from the way his friends described her, but whether she liked him or not was the nerve racking part.

Lost in his thoughts, Mike didn't even seem to realize someone was helping him pick up the packages until his head smacked into theirs. Both of them let out a groan before Mike looked up to see a girl staring at him. She gave him a small sheepish smile before saying, "Sorry, are you okay?" "No need to apologize. It was my fault," Mike quickly rushed out as he stood up, the girl following suit. The two stood there awkwardly for a moment and Mike blinked before turning and trying to put the packages back into the basket on his bike.

Noticing the struggle, the young girl who looked to be around his age chuckled and said, "Here. Let me help." Before Mike could say anything, she had reached out and taken the packages from Mike. In a matter of seconds she had the packages in the basket and was tying them in place with some string that he had tried to use, but failed to use properly.

Once she was done, the packages were so secure Mike knew they wouldn't fall. He looked to the girl surprised and she smiled before saying, "I was the newspaper girl back in my old town, so I kind of learned how to tie the huge pile of newspapers onto my bike pretty well." "Well, thanks," Mike told her, smiling softly as he did. "It's no problem really," she said. "I'm sorry, but I've got to go. I'm supposed to be meeting someone in a couple of minutes."

"Funnily enough, me too. Hopefully I see you around?" Mike suggested. The girl smiled and gave him a short nod before hopping onto her bike and pedaling away. It wasn't until she was gone that Mike realized he never got her name. Mike shrugged it off and checked his watch before muttering, "Shit." He was going to be late at this rate.

Mike quickly hoped into his home before pedaling across town and towards the quarry. Thankfully he made it with a minute to spare. However, the Losers were already there so he knew Richie was going to give him crap for not being there early.

The boy put his bike stand up before getting off his bike and running over to the cliff where the Losers were all standing there talking to someone that he couldn't quite see. It was when the others noticed him and stepped out of the way that Mike's eyes widened in disbelief.

He watched as the girl who had helped him earlier walked out, a small chuckle escaping her lips as she tilted her head at him. "Hello again. I'm guessing you're Mike, right?" she asked, the boy nodding in response. "Nice to meet you, Mike. I'm Y/N."

- - -

Richie and Y/N hadn't always been as close as they were. In fact, Richie had been a little skeptical about the girl at first, although it didn't quite show since he never allowed his true feelings to be on display for everyone to see.

So when he had invited the Losers to come to the arcade with him and Y/N had been the only one free, Richie had honestly debated on just not showing up. However, Richie wasn't that type of person and knew he would feel guilty about it for the next six months if he didn't show, so Richie made a point to go to the arcade and had even gotten there early to make sure he wasn't late when Y/N showed up.

While he waited, Richie found himself playing Streetfighter with a boy who he didn't know the name of. He didn't know how long they were playing, but both boys were laughing and kept sneaking glances at each other as they played. Richie had only felt this way around one other person, but he was still coming to terms with it, so he pushed it aside.

It was only when the game was over and the boy went to walk away that Richie realized he didn't want to boy to leave and began to panic. "Um. . ." Richie quickly grabbed a quarter and held it up for the boy to see. "How about we play again? Play some more, you know?"

The boy was silent for a minute before he glanced over his shoulder at the sound of some kid whimpering. He caught sight of Henry Bowers before turning back to Richie who, not wanting to make the boy uncomfortable, quickly added, "Only if you want to."

"Dude, why are you being weird?" the boy said making Richie furrow his eyebrows confused. "I'm not your fucking boyfriend." Richie's eyes widened. "Woah, I-I didn't-" Richie began to say, but he was cut off by Bowers appearing behind the boy with the rest of his gang.

At that moment, Y/N came rushing into the arcade looking a little frazzled. She checked her watch and muttered, "Shit." She was a couple of minutes late and she really hoped Richie was still here. She bolted into the arcade, but paused once she saw that everyone was standing still as they watched Bowers yell at Richie.

"You trying to bone my little cousin?" Bowers asked, Richie's face growing red as he stood there frozen in place not knowing what to think or what was happening. "Get the fuck out of here, faggot! Fucking move!"

Before Y/N could so much as react, Richie was running out of the arcade, the tears obviously blurring his vision as he stumbled outside. Y/N stared after her friend before hearing laughter in the air. She turned and her eyes instantly locked on Bowers who was laughing like he had just done the funniest thing in the world. She didn't know what she was doing, but she was blinded by rage and before she knew it Bowers was on the floor and she was on top of him, her fists punching him repeatedly as she screamed at him and cussed him out for what he had done to Richie.

As she did a double fist dance on Bowers' face, Richie sat outside on a bench in the park across the street from the arcade, his face in his hands as he cried. He didn't even care if anyone saw him at the moment, the idea of holding back his emotions only making him cry harder.

"Fucking Bowers!" Richie yelled out as he brought his hands up to his hair and pulled. "Fuck!" He was sobbing at this point, everything hurting so much that he didn't notice anything that was happening around him. He didn't even notice Y/N standing before him before she whispered, "Richie?"

Richie hesitated at that before he quickly wiped his tears away and looked up at the girl, her eyes already looking at him with so much concern that it made his heart ache. No one had ever looked that worried over him. He didn't know what it felt like to have someone care about him that much to be worried for him the way she was. Although hiding his emotions made it hard for anyone to ever worry about him. Anyone except for Eddie.

"Richie, are you okay?" Y/N whispered, her eyes pleading with him to tell her what was going on. She had called him Richie, not Tozier, Richie realized. For some reason, that alone was enough to make him break down a little more and he looked back down. "Of course I'm okay," Richie tried to reply in his usual upbeat tone, but him having to wipe away his own tears took away the effect.

Y/N was silent for a moment before she sat down next to the boy. Richie stared at the ground, not wanting to look her in the eyes. Y/N remained silent a little longer before she placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered again, "Richie, are you okay?" Richie broke at that, the sobs returning while Y/N quickly wrapped her arms around him causing the boy to turn and hug her back just as tight. She let him stay like that as long as he needed before the boy eventually pulled away, his eyes landing on her hands which were caked with blood.

"Well shit, what happened to you?" Richie asked with a small laugh as he wiped away his tears. “I beat the shit out of Bowers, that's what happened," Y/N explained, finally allowing Richie to connect the dots and realize that she had seen everything that had happened in the arcade.

For some reason, he found himself chuckling at that and turning his head so that he could look at her. He stared at her for a moment before suddenly blurting out, "I'm gay." Y/N glanced at the boy and Richie blushed before looking away and whispering, "Fuck. That wasn't how I wanted to say that. Fuck, Richie, you fucking loser. Holy shit, I can't believe I just- Fuck!"

Richie let out a sigh before looking at his hands. "I know you saw what happened in the arcade with Bowers, but I didn't even do anything. I didn't even know that was his cousin for starters. We were just playing Streetfighter and I asked if he wanted to play again and he started making fun of me before Bowers appeared and then you know the rest," Richie went on.

Richie was red faced by now. He had never opened up to someone like this before especially not to Eddie who he knew would never know about any of this. So telling Y/N was a big deal for him and he suddenly felt weird about having told her, the fear of rejection looming over him as he sat there. He was embarrassed.

Y/N was silent for longer than Richie would've liked, but she eventually reached out and took his hand before giving it a small squeeze and whispering, "Rich?" The boy was hesitant but let his eyes flicker over to her, the small smile she gave him making him relax a little bit. "It's okay if you're gay or straight or bi. Who you like isn't what defines you. You're still the same person. And I'm going to love you no matter what because you're still Richie 'Trashmouth' Tozier," Y/N assured him.

Richie was silent for a moment as he stared at the girl in disbelief. His eyes began to well with tears and it took him a moment longer to reach out and hug the girl, the weight from finally telling someone and being accepted for who he really was being lifted off his shoulders. Y/N hugged the boy back and, once again, allowed him to hug her for as long as he needed. It was only when he pulled away that she stood up and held a hand out to him.

"Come on. I brought a bag full of quarters and I intend on using them," she told him, a small smile on her face as she stared at the boy. "What about Bowers?" Richie asked, trying not to seem like he was afraid of coming face to face with the boy once again.

"We can handle him," Y/N assured him. "Besides, he's got a shit punch anyways." Richie let out a small snort at that before reaching out and taking the girl's hand. She smiled and pulled him up onto his feet before they began to walk away from the bench.

And with that, the two went back to the arcade hand in hand, both of them happy that they now had a new best friend by their side.

- - -

Birds were Stan's favorite animals. They always had been since he was five years old and he was gifted a book on birds for his birthday. Since that day he had used that very book every Saturday, the day he would sit outside or camp out in the woods to just look at the birds and see which ones he could find.

Stan tended to go bird-watching by himself, the other Losers not particularly liking the activity. Each of them had come with him once before, but it didn't take much for Stan to notice how bored they were before he would sigh and let them leave. They always felt somewhat guilty for it—minus Richie who made some crude joke before leaving— but Stan always assured them it was okay and they would go, leaving Stan behind to bird-watch by himself once again.

But things changed one Saturday morning when Y/N decided she wanted to see what Stan spent his time doing when the others weren't around. Stan was afraid to show her seeing as she was one of his newest friends and he didn't want to scare her away.

He quite liked Y/N actually and the two had become almost as close as he was with all the other Losers. Y/N tried to divide her time up equally with everyone, but it wasn't much of a surprise that she spent just a little more time with Bill than the others. So when Y/N had asked Stan to let her tag along, the boy had been both surprised and nervous. For some reason, he really didn't want Y/N to be bored and make fun of him like the others.

To his surprise, Y/N did the exact opposite. They had been bird-watching for an hour now and Y/N hadn't lost the small sparkle in her eyes or the smile on her face as she desperately searched for the birds among the trees. Every so often she would nudge the boy and ask him what bird the one she was pointing at was and he would whisper facts to her while they stared at the bird ahead. It was the first time someone was genuinely interested and the fact warmed Stan's heart.

"Stanley," Y/N whispered before she nudged him gently, instantly knocking him out of his thoughts. "Stanley. Stanley. Stanley. Stan. Stan the Man." Stan chuckled softly before whispering back, "Yes?" Y/N glanced at the boy before pointing towards a small bird that was blue with a light yellow belly and a black stripe across its head that led away from the beak. "What's that one?" she asked softly in an attempt to not scare the bird away.

Stan turned his attention to the bird and narrowed his eyes slightly before whispering, "That bird is called a nuthatch. You know they can walk up and down a tree? They are really smart too. Some of them even use a piece of bark to help pry open other pieces of bark so that they can look for insects." "Woah," Y/N breathed out. "That's so cool."

Stan chuckled and whispered out a few more facts about the bird while they watched it walk up the tree. Eventually the bird flew away and Y/N made that same face where her lips opened up as a huge grin broke out on her face, her sparkling eyes following the bird until it had disappeared before she leaned back with a small content sigh escaping her lips.

Y/N had never realized how calming and intriguing bird-watching could be. Her life was always moving fast, so getting the chance to sit down and enjoy the world instead of running from its horrors was something she couldn't thank Stan enough for.

"Stanley?" Y/N whispered, the name falling from her lips with ease. Stan had told her plenty of times that she could call him Stan, but she still called him by his first name most of the time. He wouldn't admit it, but he secretly liked the fact that she did. "Yeah?" Stan asked, his eyes flickering over to look at her before he looked back out at the different birds that were flying around.

"Thanks for bringing me along."

Stan kind of froze at that before turning his head so that he could get a good look at her. Y/N was staring at the birds with a warm smile on her face, the sunrise hitting her face so that it glowed. Not that he would ever think of her in that way, but for a second he could see why Bill liked her so much.

"Thanks for coming with me," Stan told her, the girl sending a small smile in his direction before reaching out and squeezing his hand gently. And with that, the two turned their attention back to the birds.

Their friendship became ten times stronger that day and from then on they spent every Saturday morning in Stan's backyard watching the birds and taking a break from life.

- - -

The soft rustling of pages as he and Y/N flipped the pages of their books was all Ben could hear that Friday evening. They were in the library doing research on Hawkins since Ben found all of the events Y/N had described to be almost as interesting as Derry.

It had all started when she first told them about her life in Hawkins during the first day of school. She hadn't opened up about some of the more serious stuff until the group had become close and Ben hadn't been able to stop himself from raising his eyebrows and muttering, "Hawkins, Indiana? Well I guess I know the next place I'm going to research."

That's how the two had ended up in the library a week later, no one in the group except for the two of them wanting to go research the place. They had spent probably the last two hours in the place just flipping through different books, but nothing had popped out.

Y/N was currently reading a Russian book which Ben had questioned about, but she hadn't given him an explanation, only smiling and opening the book before beginning to read. Ben on the other hand was reading a book about Hawkins itself and hadn't found anything out of the ordinary which made the town that much more of a mystery.

Ben was just about to flip the page again when a soft humming suddenly filled his ears, the tune making him freeze as he recognized it almost instantly. His eyes flickered up to Y/N who had started to move her lips as she quietly whispered to a Kids on the Block song, one that Ben was very familiar with.

"First time was a great time. Second time was a blast. Third time I fell in love. Now I hope it lasts," Y/N whispered, not one hundred percent realizing what she was doing. Ben was quick to whisper the next lines which made the girl look up at him in shock, "I can see it in your walk. Tell 'em when you talk. See it in everything you do. Even in your thoughts.” The two grinned before whispering together, "You got the right stuff, baby. Love the way you turn me on. You got the right stuff, baby. You're the reason why I sing this song."

They didn't realize their voices were raising, each of them getting more excited about the fact that someone they knew was a huge Kids on the Block fan like them. For Y/N, the only other person she could sing with had been Wheeler, but for Ben, he had never had anyone.

"All that I needed was you. Oh girl, you're so right. And all that I wanted was you," they sang. "You made all-" Y/N said before she pointed to the boy with a grin. "My dreams come true," Ben finished. "The right stuff." "The right stuff," Y/N nodded with a small laugh. The two went to sing the next part of the song when they were suddenly hushed by the librarian. Y/N and Ben froze before turning to see that everyone in the library was looking at them and that the librarian was even glaring at them.

The two went red faced and gave the group apologetic smiles before looking back down at their books. They waited a second before glancing up at each other and chuckling softly. "The right stuff," Ben whispered making Y/N grin so big that Ben couldn't help but smile back. She nodded before reaching out and fist bumping the boy. “The right stuff."

- - -

"What are we doing here?" Beverly asked confused as she glanced over at Y/N who was smiling and practically bouncing up and down on her feet. Beverly looked at the clothing store in front of her before looking to Y/N again and raising an eyebrow.

"Back in Hawkins, two of my closest friends were Eleven and Max. We would have these girl days where we would hang out at the mall and try on clothes and just have fun. I know you haven't been in the best mood this week," Y/N began. Beverly went to deny it, but Y/N just smiled and said, "And don't deny it because Ben already told me. Anyways, I wanted to cheer you up by having a girls day and since Derry doesn't have a mall, this is the next best option."

Beverly was silent for a minute as she tried to process what Y/N was saying. Finally she let you a small sigh and gave the girl a weak smile. "Okay, but only for an hour or two," Beverly said making Y/N squeal in excitement before grabbing her arm and pulling the red head into the store. “Trust me, Bev. By the time an hour is up you're never going to want to leave," Y/N said.

"Okay," Beverly said, obviously not believing her. However, Beverly realized just how wrong she was once the two were reaching the end of their second hour of shopping. They weren't even buying anything, only trying on clothes and looking at themselves in the mirror. But somehow Y/N had made it fun.

Y/N had them both try on ridiculous outfits and they would spend forever looking the mirror at themselves as they laughed to the point where workers had to come up and ask if they were okay. Y/N had even brought a Polaroid so that they could take pictures to remember all the fun they were having and she made Beverly pretend as if she were walking down a runway while Y/N took pictures of her, the two girls bursting into giggling fits every couple of minutes.

By the time the two hours was up, Beverly never wanted to leave and the fact only made her mood dampen. Y/N noticed the sudden change in demeanor and frowned as she watched Beverly reluctantly putting the clothes away.

"Hey," Y/N whispered as she came to Beverly's side and placed a hand on the red head's shoulder. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" Beverly was silent for a minute before giving the girl a small smile. "Nothing," she assured her despite them both knowing she was lying.

"No, Bev. Come on. You don't need to lie. You can tell me anything. I promise I won't judge," Y/N said. "Was it all the pictures? I'm sorry. I should've asked before I-" “No, it wasn't the pictures," Beverly assured her. "I'm glad we have the memories."

Y/N smiled and Beverly returned it before looking down at her hands sadly. "I'm just a little sad it had to end is all," Beverly explained. "I never really had friends up until I met the boys, so I've never had a girl friend to hang out with. I guess I just didn't realize what I was missing and I'm afraid for it to end. I'm sorry. It probably sounds stupid."

"No, Beverly. It's not stupid," Y/N said. "I know how you feel. Until I met Eleven and Max, my four best friends were all guys. I hadn't even realized what having another girl around would be like and I was so afraid of losing Eleven and Max because I enjoyed getting away from the boys and spending time with them. I promise you this won't be the last girl day, okay? I can only handle Richie's trashmouth for so long."

Beverly chuckled softly before looking at her friend and smiling at her. "Thanks, Y/N," she whispered. Y/N smiled back and pulled Beverly in for a hug, the gesture making Beverly freeze for a moment before she fell into Y/N's embrace and hugged her back.

"Thanks for hanging out with me today," Y/N told her. "But the fun doesn't have to end here." Beverly pulled away to look at the girl and Y/N smirked. "Ice cream?" Beverly chuckled and shook her head at her friend before saying, "I thought you'd never ask."

- - -

All Eddie could hear was his own erratic breathing as he desperately tried to reach for his inhaler which was in his fanny pack. The only problem was that his fanny pack had been torn off of him by Henry Bowers and was lying on the concrete a few feet away and Bowers wouldn't let him near it long enough for him to grab his inhaler. His chest was on fire, his throat closing off more and more every second as it felt like someone was literally sitting on his lungs. He was growing more and more panicked, so his breathing continued to get worse and worse as tears filled his eyes.

This seemed to make Henry laugh harder and that made him start shoving and kicking Eddie harder than before. Eddie mentally cursed himself for having been walking alone. He had stayed after school to have a talk with his teacher and told the others to go ahead on to the quarry where he said he would meet them. Richie had been a little reluctant to go, but had left with the other Losers, leaving Eddie by himself. Eddie thought he would've been safe from Bowers, but it seemed as if Bowers had been waiting for him because the moment he stepped out of school, Bowers was there waiting.

Another kick to the side made Eddie's wheeze grow louder. He was biting his lip as he attempted not to cry, but his asthma was bothering him to the point where he could barely function and he knew if he didn't get to his inhaler soon he would end up having a full blown asthma attack.

As if sensing his prayers, the kicking and punching stopped, allowing Eddie to crawl over to his fanny pack and grab his inhaler. He quickly took a hit before holding his breath, allowing the medicine to fill his lungs and bring him some relief. He repeated the step once more, the medicine instantly making him feel better and allowing the beating of own heart in his ears to disappear.

Eddie put the inhaler in his fanny pack before putting it back around his waist and turning to see what had happened to Bowers. To his surprise, Y/N was standing there with a bloody fist while Bowers laid on the ground holding his face. He didn't even have time to think about why Y/N was still at school before Bowers was yelling out in anger.

"You bitch! I'm going to beat the shit out of you!" Bowers yelled as he pushed himself up and went to lunge for her, but Y/N was so mad that she merely swung back before sending her fist right into Bowers nose. A loud cracking nose filled the air and Eddie winced as he looked at Bowers who had fallen onto the ground with his nose turned at a weird angle. Eddie then quickly looked to Y/N and he paled at the sight of wrist bent in the wrong direction.

"Shit," he heard her whisper before she turned and looked to the boy. Her eyes widened at the sight of Eddie and she quickly ran over to him. "Eddie, are you okay?" "I'm. . .I'm fine. Your wrist though," Eddie muttered, his face paling more as he saw the injury up close. A groan had them both looking to see Bowers starting to get up off the ground.

Y/N was quick to think and grabbed Eddie's hand with her good one before pulling him up off his feet and dragging him away from the school as the two bolted away. They didn't stop running until they knew Bowers was far behind them and even then, Eddie had to be the one to stop the girl, his eyes still trained on her wrist.

They were both breathing heavily as Eddie gently reached out and went to move Y/N's wrist. She instantly winced and Eddie began to breath frantically as he started to panic. “It's broken. Shit, it has to be broken. We have to get help. We have to get you to the hospital. Do you know where the closest hospital is? Actually I think it's a few streets down. We should probably go before your wrist gets any worse. Shit, this is my fault! Why would you do that, Y/N?" Eddie rambled.

"Eds," she said causing the boy to quiet down and look at her. She was the only one that was ever allowed to call him that, so Eddie wasn't even fazed by the nickname. "First of all, I'm going to be fine, so calm down. Second of all, it was one hundred percent worth it. Bowers was being an asshole and I wasn't about to let him continue to treat you like that. Are you okay?" Before Eddie could think properly, the girl had reached up and brushed the hair out of his eyes, a gesture that made him blush because he had seen mothers do that to their own kids but he had never been on the receiving end of that kind of touch.

"I'm. . .I'm fine. My inhaler helped," Eddie explained. "But we shouldn't be worrying about me. You're the one with a broken hand." Y/N just shrugged before letting out a small chuckle and saying in excitement, "But, Eds, did you see his nose? That thing's got to be broken as well!" Eddie looked at the girl in disbelief, silently wondering how she was able to remain so calm when her hand was literally broken. Then again, Y/N L/N always had been one to surprise him.

Smiling lovingly at the girl who was not only his best friend but like a sister as well, the boy gently took her good hand before tugging her forward. "Come on, my knight in shining armor. Let's get you to the hospital and get that wrist checked out," Eddie said, feeling a little more calm now thanks to Y/N who he knew had purposefully been cracking jokes and acting like everything was okay just to keep him calm. Y/N didn't fight him that time and the two made their way to the hospital. Y/N walked out that day with Eddie by her side and a bright white cast on that day with one signature already on it. Eds.

- - -

"A shower cap?"

Stan blinked in surprise before nodding his head. "Yeah, it's supposed to help keep the spiders out of your hair," he explained as he held the shower cap out for his friend. He had made a special trip out to the pharmacy to get her one, so he really hoped she would just take it, even if she didn't use it. Y/N smiled at the boy before taking the shower cap from him, the boy instantly relaxing in response. "Thanks, Stanley," she said before she put the shower cap on and looked to the others. They were all busy either talking or doing something else, so no one was looking at her except for Stan and Bill, the later smiling at her in an almost dreamy sort of way as he too wore his shower cap.

Bill chuckled softly at the sight of her and Y/N glanced at him before making a small face causing the two to burst into a round of laughter that had the other Losers looking at them and shaking their heads at how oblivious the two teens were. The Losers all looked away, leaving Bill, Y/N, and Stan the only ones paying attention once again.

"How did I look?" she questioned, directing it more towards Bill which Stan quickly realized. Stan smirked before walking way, neither of the teens noticing because of the fact that they were too caught up with each other. "B-B-Beautiful as always," Bill whispered, a blush dusting his cheeks at his own words. Y/N instantly blushed before smiling thankfully at Bill and leaning back in the hammock she had been lying in. She had to fight Richie and Eddie for it, but Eddie gave in almost instantly because he loved making the girl happy so it had been mostly her fighting Richie over the hammock before he had eventually caved and let her have it.

Now that she had the shower cap on, Y/N was busying herself with reading a Spider-Man comic while the others all goofed off, Bill secretly sneaking glances at her every so often. It had been one of the days they spent at the quarry which meant the evening was spent in their clubhouse that Ben had built under ground, thus leading to the spider problem. However, it was already getting quite late, so the Losers were slowly beginning to leave one by one. Y/N was too lost in her comic to really notice, but that didn't stop her from calling out a goodbye every so often. As for Bill, his eyes hadn't left the girl since she put the shower cap on, the sight being just too adorable for him to look away.

Stan and Ben were the last ones to leave the clubhouse that night and they rolled their eyes at the sight of Bill staring at their best friend, his feelings so obvious that they wondered if Y/N was really as smart as she claimed to be. "Night guys," Stan called out before he began to climb up the ladder, Ben quickly following. "Bye, Ben! Bye, Stan!" Y/N called out, momentarily looking up to smile at the boys before she was back to reading her comic.

"B-B-bye, guys," Bill said as he waved at the two. They just smirked at him and waved back before disappearing into the night, not noticing the look of confusion on Bill's face as they did so. Bill didn't think too much about the smirks his friends had sent him before he let his eyes flicker back over to Y/N who was looking up from the comic and at the empty clubhouse. "Woah. When did everyone leave?" she muttered in confusion.

"A w-w-while ago," Bill chuckled as he titled his head at the girl. "M-M-Maybe if you weren't t-t-too busy reading you would've n-n-noticed." Y/N gasped in fake shock before saying, "Let me tell you, Bill Denbrough. Peter Parker is nothing to joke about." Bill chuckled and she couldn't stop herself from smiling at the sight of the beautiful boy before she waved him over.

Bill was quick to walk over to her and she smiled before holding the comic out. "Peter Parker is above his time, Bill. He's smart, sarcastic, funny, and a freaking superhero! He genuinely cares about people and he is always-" Y/N began to ramble on about the superhero, but her words fell on deaf ears as Bill just stared at her in amazement.

His eyes flickered over her face and the way her eyelashes fluttered against her cheek or the way her e/c eyes would flicker between him and the comic as she excitedly talked about the superhero she loved so much. It was like he was trying to memorize every inch of her face which maybe he was. He never wanted to forget this moment, even if nothing significant was happening. Y/N just looked so beautiful, shower cap and all, and Bill couldn't stop himself from not wanting to remember every little detail of this moment. The smell of wood in the air mixing with the strawberry scent of Y/N's shampoo that swirled through the air because of how close they were. The creaking of wood and the sound of the night filling the air around them. Then there was him and Y/N, Bill kneeling down beside the hammock with one hand against his cheek while the other was holding onto Y/N's hand, something neither had noticed yet.

A small smile appeared on Bill's face as he watched the girl and she paused for a moment before staring at him with an unreadable expression. Finally, she returned the smile before grabbing onto his arm and tugging him slightly as she whispered, "Come here." Bill's face reddened a little, but he still managed to pull himself into the hammock, Y/N instantly snuggling up against him as his arm wrapped around her waist.

Y/N seemed to be unfazed by the new step of their relationship, the two having never cuddled before, let alone been this close unless it was just to hug. Instead, she was already reading the comic out loud, adding her own little comments here and there to make Bill laugh, knowing that each laugh made him rest his face against the side of hers momentarily before he pulled away to look at the comic.

Or at least she thought he was looking at the comic. But in reality, his eyes were on her. Just like they always were and like they always would be. For to him, there was no better way to spend his evening than admiring the girl that had stolen his heart since the first day he met her almost two years ago.

- - -

The basement was unusually quiet that night as the Party and the Losers all sat in Y/N's basement trying to comprehend the events that had taken place only an hour before. None of them were able to come to terms with what had happened and no one even knew what to say. The silence was one they could all feel, each of them distantly hearing Y/N's laugh or one of her sarcastic and witty comments. It was haunting almost and the group could feel themselves breaking more and more with each second that passed.

Everyone was affected by what had happened to Y/N, but they all knew Bill was affected in a deeper way than they were. While their love for Y/N was merely a platonic, more family type of love, what Bill felt for the girl was the opposite. He cared about her so much that the group could practically feel their hearts aching for him, especially when they saw him sitting blankly in the corner with a tear stained face, red eyes, and his jacket clutched in his shaking hands.

"What are we going to do?" Eddie finally whispered as he wiped at the tears on his face. All he could think about was his friend, the girl who had stood up for him and who had promised to not let anything happen to him. Eddie could only think about how he should've promised that to her as well. He should've insisted on going with her, making sure that the girl was safe and by his side. Then maybe what happened wouldn't have happened.

"We're getting her back," Steve said, all eyes falling on him as he tried to act like he was fine despite the tears that kept falling from his eyes. The tears were collecting on his chin, threatening to fall down, and Steve was quick to wipe them away with a sniff. "That's what we're fucking going to do."

"Oh, really? And how do you plan on doing that, Einstein?" Richie asked bitterly, his emotions being out of whack making him lash out. Steve narrowed his eyes at the boy. "Watch it, Trashmouth. At least I intend on saving Y/N," he replied.

Richie shot up from his spot, his red eyes focused on Steve as he glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean? You think I don't want to save her?" Richie asked. "Wouldn't be surprised," Wheeler muttered, making Richie turn his gaze on the boy. "Of course you have something to say. You always do, don't you?" Richie shot back.

Wheeler stood up from his spot, ignoring Eleven as she tried to grab him and pull him back down. "Mike," Eleven whispered, but the boy shook his head. "No, El. I'm done with this asshole," Wheeler said as he walked over to Richie. Richie was raising an eyebrow at the boy and they both crossed their arms as Wheeler came to a stop in front of him.

"Steve was right. He's actually trying to do someone to help Y/N while you're just sitting there pouting. Y/N needs our fucking help, but you can't get over yourself enough to realize it. So why don't you just shut the hell up for once, go sit back down with your little friends, and let us handle the situation," Wheeler said.

Richie scoffed in disbelief. "I'm sorry. I don't seem to remember when I asked for your opinion? Y/N's just as much my friend as she is yours and you have to be batshit crazy to believe that I don't want to go save her," Richie shot back. "Well I didn't exactly see you rushing to save her when she was trapped behind the gate," Wheeler told him. "Oh, you mean the gate that your girlfriend shut? The gate that, because it was shut, allowed for Y/N to get trapped in the fucking Upside Down? That gate?" Richie asked as he jabbed Wheeler in the chest.

"Touch me again. No, better yet. Disrespect my girl again. See what fucking happens," Wheeler growled. "Mike," Eleven sighed as she got up from her spot. She knew Y/N wouldn't want them arguing like this and it seemed that Eddie realized this too. "Guys. Calm down. We really don't need to-" Eddie began as he walked forward and began to pull Richie away, Eleven doing the same to Wheeler. However, that was when Wheeler delivered the final blow, "You don't deserve, Y/N. None of you losers do."

Eddie froze at that, his hand that was on Richie's arm immediately dropping. He turned his face to look at Wheeler and gave him an unamused look before saying, "You fucking asshole!" Eddie was about to lunge at Wheeler, but Beverly and Ben quickly pulled him back. However, the Party seemed to notice Eddie's small advance and they were all up in a flash and by Wheeler's side, the Losers doing the same for Richie and Eddie. None of them knew how it happened, but before they knew it, the once silent room was filled with arguing as both side took shots at the other.

"Y/N's life has been one hundred times better since she left Hawkins! You ever wonder why she never comes back to visit?"

"I thought the move was the worst thing to ever happen to her, but after meeting you guys I see I stand corrected!"

"Say that shit again. I dare you!"

"Y/N would leave you all in a heartbeat to come back to Hawkins and she wouldn't even look back!"

"You motherfuckers!"

It all became a blur after that, everyone from each side yelling and shoving each other as their pent up emotions poured out of them. They were all hurt and upset about Y/N and this was all they could think of doing at the moment to relieve some of the pain.

As for Bill, he was still sitting in the corner by himself. It was only when the fighting seemed to register in his brain that the boy looked up, a look of complete disbelief on his face as he clutched the jacket harder and stood up from his spot. "Hey!" Bill yelled, but the groups were too red faced and into the fight for them to notice his yelling. Bill huffed in frustration before shoving his way to the middle of the group. He pushed the sides away from each other before yelling at the top of his lungs, "Sit the fuck down!" Hearing those words coming out of the stuttering boy who had been sitting quietly in the corner had them all freeze, each of them realizing what had just happened. Reluctantly, the two groups went to sit back down, but not before glaring at the other side.

Bill scoffed as he stared at the groups and shook his head as tears filled his eyes. "A-A-Are you fucking k-k-kidding me?" he asked, finally getting all eyes to turn on him as he looked at them in disbelief. "We have a life at st-st-stake and you all are bickering like a bunch of f-f-four year o-o-olds!" Bill exclaimed, his eyes looking at the groups in disbelief. "Pull yourselves t-t-together and get up off your asses. We've got a f-f-friend to save!" Everyone's anger seemed to dissolve slightly as they watched the boy, looks of guilt flashing across some of their faces.

Bill shook his head and looked down at the ground as he tried to calm himself down. When he looked back up and began to speak, his voice was clear and strong, not a single piece of evidence of his stutter falling from his lips causing everyone to realize just how serious he was being.

"I know each of you is hurting. I know. Y/N meant a lot to all of us. But you all have to realize just who is in this room because every person in this room plays a major role in Y/N's life," Bill said. He glanced at the Party and gestured towards them. "You guys grew up with her. You helped shape her into the person she was and gave her some of the best experiences of her life. You showed her what friendship was and what family means. She knows what she does today because of you."

Bill then gestured towards the Losers and himself. "We're the ones who have helped her through a tough part of her life. We've protected her with our own lives and have loved her unconditionally. She's been one of our own since day one and she will be until the day she dies," he told them. Bill sighed before saying, "Look, we all care about her and she cares about each of us. We're her friends. We're her family. No one can tell any of us any different."

"That's why we're all upset because not only are we scared of losing her, but we are scared of her forgetting about us in any way. But I promise you that it's not happening for either side. She's always going to be a member of the Party and she's always going to be a part of the Losers' Club. She's like the in-between, the perfect mix of each group. She won't forget her past and she won't forget her present," Bill said as he pointed to each of the groups.

"Y/N has always put our needs in front of her own, but right now, we're going to have to put her above everything else. Each of you is going to have to push aside your differences, your egos, your selfishness, and your attitudes if you want to get Y/N back. Because the only way to get our girl back is if we work together," Bill told them, his eyes flickering over the guilty expressions of the groups as they realized Bill was right about everything he had said.

"How are we going to do that?" Richie asked softly. "Cause I'm with you, Bill. I'm just. . .I don't want to screw up and lose her. We're going to have to make sure everything is perfect and right now the major thing in our way is finding a way to get back to her."

"That's w-w-where the first part of my p-p-plan comes into play," Bill told him. He then turned to look at Eleven who was looking to the ground. As if sending his stare, the girl glanced up. "Eleven, is th-th-there any way you th-th-think you could open the g-g-gate? I meant if you were able to cl-cl-close it, shouldn't you be able t-t-to either make one or o-o-open it?"

"You want her to make a portal that goes to the Upside Down?" Wheeler asked, his tone a little hard as he became protective of his girlfriend. "I can do it," Eleven said with a nod causing Wheeler to look to her. Eleven sighed and glanced at her boyfriend. "Y/N is our friend, Mike. Don't tell me you wouldn't try anything to get back the girl who you've been friends with since the second grade." Wheeler looked down, his expression softening at Eleven's words. Eleven put a hand to the boy's cheek before whispering, "I owe it to her to try." Wheeler nodded slightly and Eleven smiled before letting her eyes flicker over to Bill. Bill gave the girl a small nod in thanks which Eleven quickly returned.

"Bill is right," Beverly called out from where she was sitting beside Ben and Stan. Everyone looked to her and she glanced up from her hands before letting her eyes flicker around the room. "Both groups have to work together. It's the only way we are going to win this thing. It's the only way we are going to get Y/N back."

Bill nodded in agreement before allowing his eyes to flicker over each of the people in the room. His gaze stopped on Steve who was looking at the boy with an unreadable expression on his face. But then Steve was giving him a small nod of approval and thanks and Bill couldn't help but smile as a small wave of relief washed over him.

"All th-th-those in favor of t-t-teaming up to save Y/N?" Bill questioned as he looked around the room. Everyone's hands shot up into the air almost instantly and Bill smiled softly before looking down at the jacket in his hands. He then looked back up and gave the group a nod.

"Let's g-g-go save our g-g-girl then, shall we?"

* * *

Tag List

@witch-of-all-things-soft @nightbu-g @vickeystar @daniellajocelyn @alexthe80swhore @ren-ni @floralpiper @starshininginthedark @aimee-lucass @marvelismylifffe @dwcljh @sycard @connor---murphy @tinycolorwhispers @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @izzyisavengersupernaturaltrash @theamandarenee @amberkay284 @gryffingirl @dejewskoo @artlovingbre @jacinta-lexianne @gabiatthedisco @littlemaeve @newhopenessie @pheonix-nin @captn-sprkl-fngrs @flaredflowedrsuits @madelinelikesfics @mysteryartisticwriter @that-one-book-girl @spnsquirrel @galaxsea-707 @felicia-can-fly @whoops-im-gay-now @hollandcomics @lauren-theicecreamslinger @peterhollandd @princessserena23 @hollandstanleythomas @you-s-suckbowers @hitoshi-s-stupid-bitch @deviantly-gayy @pastel-rose-water @gothackedalready @fandoms-all-around-catiel @danas-wonderland @c00ln3rdz @lastjeon @fraeppuccino @80sthottie @hawkxyes @milk-n-cheese @mileven-reddie

[plumrabbit]

I saw your comment about dealing with Trumpers. Do you have any advice for family members who truly believe they're on the side of good by supporting him? I'm especially torn up about someone who I believe is being taken advantage of due to lifelong social factors & her trusting nature. It's really difficult to unpack & it would be nice if there were a support group for this. I don't want to bother anyone but I need help too. I'm committed, I just shake during convos like these & it's draining.

Hello, and thank you for reaching out! Sorry it took a while to respond, I wanted to come up with something relatively comprehensive. Putting the rest under a cut as this is long!

I am so sorry you are dealing with this in your life, and you’re right, it is totally draining. The fact that these confrontations make you shake is significant because it means your fight or flight response has kicked in - your brain has told your body you are in imminent danger. Here is some info on this response, if you can understand it and how it affects you, you can start searching for ways to manage its debilitating effects, and make difficult conversations less stressful. 

Don’t worry about feeling like you’re being a bother, I am happy to help as much as possible, though I can only speak from my own experiences. I unfortunately cannot say I know of any support groups, but I imagine there would be some on Facebook, and you may also have luck asking somewhere like reddit.com/r/trumpgret. You’re right, it is a ton to unpack, and every Trump supporter is motivated by different factors, but at their core, they’re all relatively similar in that Trump is appealing to something in their psychology. Like I mentioned, I can only really speak from experience, so I’ll tell you what has worked for me. As a disclosure, these were people that only supported Trump, and had some ignorant views based on the false information he’s been spreading. This doesn’t apply to e.g. people that rat out undocumented immigrants to ICE, capitalist bootlickers, neo Nazis, etc. I usually advocate for non-violence, but you can punch those people in the face for all I care.

First and foremost, the main thing I’ve always kept in the back of my mind when dealing with Trump supporters is that at the end of the day, they’re also human. Humans are fallible, and our evolution as a social species has also made us so prone to mob mentality and blindly following others. There are a multitude of reasons as to why this occurs, but it tends to boil down to emotions, and not actual facts. From Wikipedia: “Herd mentality, mob mentality and pack mentality, describes how people can be influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors on a largely emotional, rather than rational, basis. When individuals are affected by mob mentality, they may make different decisions than they would have individually.”

It’s important to remember that how they are behaving is not necessarily who they truly are, and even though communicating with them may be difficult as a result, you have to forgive them for following herd mentality because they may feel pressured to believe certain ideas. It’s difficult, but compassion is a requirement for getting through to someone. 

If you’re having a discussion with the person you’ve mentioned and the topic of Trump comes up, the best way to establish a connection with them is to just listen. Acknowledge what they say by repeating it in a way that makes it clear that you are trying to understand their thought process. So many people respond by firstly stating their own perspectives, but this doesn’t show the other person that you are actually listening. Use this opportunity to find out what they are thinking, and remember what they said so you can analyze it later. I mentioned earlier that Trump supporters all tend to share certain psychological traits, and here are the studies, and the summary, that describe these traits in more detail. 

Figuring out which one(s) your family members could potentially be categorized in will help you understand what is going on inside their head, because you can do more research on that specific issue. What are they motivated by? What are they afraid of? Not only can you do research on their specific psychological traits, you can also find statistics that will refute their claims that they are using to justify their discrimination. That being said, bringing up objective facts can be difficult, because they are likely to not want to believe the hard evidence. Again, if you can coax them into a place where they are open to understanding the bigger issue, e.g. immigrants and crime (hint, statistical analyses show immigration does not increase crime), you can increase the chances of having a productive conversation with them. Another thing to be cognizant of is the language you are using. It’s very tempting to call Trump supporters things like “Trumpets” (and much worse), but this tends to make them tune out to anything else you may have to say. Again, remember that they are fallible humans that, while they may need guidance, also deserve to be treated with a basic level of respect. Along the same vein as language use, avoid using terms and phrases like “that’s wrong,” “you’re problematic/stupid/an asshole etc.,” (even if it’s true). It’s easy to respond emotionally because trying to get people to understand why what they believe is morally reprehensible means a lot to us, but you will have to fight that feeling. Preparing yourself with knowledge and strategies is the best way to combat the feeling of helplessness that causes the upset during discourse.

I guess a lot of it also boils down to getting them to listen to themselves. If you can guide them through their thought process, sometimes I find they start to realize what they say out loud doesn’t actually make sense. If that happens, it’s also important to not catch them in a “gotcha!” moment, even though it’s tempting, because they will feel ashamed and will likely shut down any further conversation. Listen, acknowledge, and make them realize you’re not going to shame them for their choices (you can vent privately to somebody you trust, but don’t take out your emotions on the person you are trying to get through to). At the end of the day, you want to change their mind, and if brute force doesn’t work, gentle guidance often does.  That’s all I can think of for now, I hope some of it is at least a little bit helpful! You’re welcome to continue this discussion, and let me know if you’d like me to respond privately in the future.

[calamitousrpgarchive]

Hi. This could be a long shot but I used to rp on jcink and I left it almost a year ago to take a break as I found the communities very toxic. I miss my characters and I forgot you there were rp communities on tumblr! I have never rp'd on tumblr before and I'm not sure how it works, as in where is the actual place where written character posts are or where members chat? I'm a newbie to tumblr rp and would love to join. I would appreciate some advice on how to start! xx

Hey there! Thank for for taking the time to reach out to us, we’re more than happy to try our best and give you to tumblr RP rundown! Sorry to hear you had a poor experience elsewhere - rest assured, if you want to be part of Crooked, we don’t bite! (We even have Game Nights !)

A summary of what I’ll try cover: 

Your blog is where you post as your muse/character per se, you can reblog musings and anything you like about your character(s) on here for the group to see. 

Your replies/roleplay interactions are also on here where you can post responses to open starters and engage in all that’s happening! (If you don’t use discord - we use it as our OOC platform, your OOC communications will go on your blog(s) too!)

So, to begin, the way the process of on the dash RP-ing works is generally: You create a tumblr account separate to your personal/main. You can use a little trick in the sign-up process to avoid creating new emails and losing track. For example: 

MyEmailAddress@gmail.com can be used for your personal tumblr escapades! And then, for an RP one, you can use the same email, but format it like this: MyEmailAddress+Character@gmail.com. (It still goes to your same inbox, but it allows you to have multiple accounts - if you’re using them for different groups.)

I already feel like I might have lost you a little here - so, let me continue off this topic... we can always help you set-up later! 

Once you have a tumblr account, you can then decide if you want to keep it organised in the sense of individual character blogs or if you want to compile multiple characters onto one blog; then use the tumblr tagging system to make it clear which you’re using if you have gathered a few muses! We have a mixture in the group who use Mumu blogs (multi-muse) and those who use individuals - it’s purely personal preference! Despite using a Mumu myself here in Crooked, I generally prefer individuals because it makes it a little easier to keep up with the replies I may owe! 

Alrighty, so there’s that ramble added... It’s honestly much simpler to navigate than I may be making it out to be - my apologies! Essentially, you reblog interactions at your pace and create new ones for those to engage in and your threads are you ongoing interactions. If you would like some examples, I’ll list the admin blogs below so if you wanted to have a quick scroll for examples of how we kind of interact - there’s not really a right or wrong way! 

@crxxkedevil , @twistedxpromises & @eternallyxcrooked 

These listed above are all mumu blogs - so we have multiple characters we have compiled into a single blog, whereas we have members that have a main blog and then add side blogs for each picked up OC character. But you should be able to see the method of roleplay in each of these. There is also no rule on length or tense you write in ... you’ll see some variation, I’m sure. As long as it’s understandable and we can gauge interactions, you’re on for a win! Hurrah! 

I feel like that’s the getting started basics kind of covered? Everyone has their own tumblr tagging system on their posts to be able to retrieve former interactions and such. 

A beneficial program (I’d recommended getting.) is a free add-on for google chrome browsers called XKit as it offers the ability to edit posts once they’ve been posted and you can reblog just the newest interaction instead of swarming the dash with previous/repeat engagements. Honestly, if you haven’t realised I’m Queen of the Rambles - you... do now... but truly, we’re all friendly and willing to help you every step of the way! You’ll pick it up in no time, I’m sure! A lot of information and step-by-steps are covered in sections of the Main blog that might give you some insights beyond my explanations! 

As for discord, this is the OOC platform we use for out of character interactions and general day-to-day conversations. (Also, game nights... and lots of other chaos.) It’s also free and is available on both mobile & desktop. There’s no obligation to be part of the server there - but you’re more than welcome to get to know your fellow members and RP-ers! Helps with plotting threads and interactions too.

As a last addition: we’ve broken down the process a little on the Navigation page (Mobile Navigation, here.) so you’re able to look at things pre-application and then post-application to try encourage an ease of access for all. Hopefully by looking at some blog examples of ours and having a meander through the CrookedSoulsRPG main blog that you should find some helpful resources. We also have a resources blog, here if you want to look at gifs and icons... especially if you’re potentially not used to using gifs/icons/gif icons in your interactions, we try to where we can and there’s many faces for inspiration if you haven’t acquired an arsenal of faces yet! 

Thank you again for sending this in! I hope that this somewhat helped you in your starting up process? If you need clarification on more, you’re more than welcome to hit us with all the messages you like, or if you want to pop in an application if you think you’e got the ropes and an idea of what muses/characters you wanna throw into the Crooked world. A quick read down our guidelines to check they’re all good for you and you’re away! 

We’re more than happy to continue helping you through the process in any way we can - we’re all very welcoming! Please, don’t be shy! Believe me, we’re all been there before, we all start somewhere!