#i could’ve kissed the doctor. i was like THANK YOU for diagnosing me with two sprains at the same time

[fingertipsmp3]

Only I would get diagnosed with a hamstring tear and feel smug about it

[woah-were-halfway-there]

Just What I Needed: Part 3

A/N: get ready for this freaking rollercoaster. As many of you know, this is the next part in the AFTR series and in typical me fashion, turn out way longer than I intended it to be. Enjoy. ☺️

Thank you my dear @andrei-svech​ for beta reading and listening to me yell about this.

Word Count: 12.8k... ffs

You knew you were awake. You sensed too much going on for you not to be, and yet, you still were unable to open your eyes.

"Do you know how far along she is in her pregnancy?" A female voice you didn't recognize spoke up, sounding much louder than the various beeps and shuffles you also heard.

"14 weeks," Auston replied, his voice husky. The way his voice sounded whenever he was really upset about something. "Closer to 15 weeks now. Do you know what caused this?"

"Fainting isn't uncommon with pregnant women," a male voice stated. "Dehydration, drops in blood pressure, there's a couple of different reasons as to why this could have happened. We won't know for sure, what exactly, until she sees a doctor."

"I'm more concerned over the fact that she hasn't woken up yet," the woman said.

That's when you decided you needed to open your eyes, and as soon as you did, your gaze fell on Auston.

He looked rough, and that's putting it nicely. His hair was messy, it was evident that he'd been running his hands through it like he always does when he's anxious, and his eyes were red and puffy. He was gripping onto your right hand as he watched another man and woman that were also in the small space as they did something off in a corner.

It was then you realized the man and woman were paramedics, and you were lying on a stretcher in an ambulance. Panic didn't take too long settling in after that.

"Auston?" Your voice cracked as you went stiff in realization and immediately gripped onto his hand for reassurance, his gaze moving to you right away. "Wait. Where's Mia?"

You went to sit up, suddenly on high alert after realizing your daughter wasn't with you but had to stop when you felt the now-familiar wave of lightheadedness wash over you again.

"Woah, take it easy, baby," Auston said as he gave you a look, silently pleading that you didn't fight him on this. You didn't. Instead, you slowly laid back down because you trusted that he would answer your question once you weren't so worked up, and he did. "Mia is ok. She's at home with my family. My parents are going to meet us at the hospital once you get checked over. I asked them to stay at the house to make sure Mia was ok after everything."

You nodded in response. What he said made you feel better in a way, but you were unable to keep your emotions from taking over still.

"Did she see me faint?" You asked quietly, blinking back the tears you felt welling up in your eyes as you did.

Auston paused, then sighed.

"She did."

"Shit."

Before Auston could respond again, and you could get too in your thoughts, the female paramedic approached the two of you cautiously and cleared her throat. Once you looked at her, she smiled softly before looking to Auston and nodding.

"Hi, Y/N," she greeted. "How are you feeling?"

"Not great," you admitted as Auston lifted your hand that was still linked with his up to his lips and gently kissed your knuckles. "Tired. Kind of just want to be back home, to be completely honest."

"That's understandable. We're almost at the hospital. As soon as a doctor sees you and makes sure everything is ok, you should be able to go home very soon."

You smiled and nodded at her reassurance.

"Thank you. How long was I passed out for?"

"We weren't very far from your house when we got the call for you," the male paramedic chimed in. "Auston said you fainted, maybe five or six minutes before we got there. So about twenty minutes, give or take."

"Lovely," you sighed, then looked at Auston tiredly.

"You scared the shit out of me," he told you, not in a way to make you feel bad, but to let you know how genuinely worried he was about you. "Mia is probably pissed at me right now."

"Why would she be?"

"When she saw you faint, she was worried about you, but I panicked. I asked Bre to take her out of the room so she wouldn't have to see you like that, and she was so upset, babe. She was still crying when we left the house."

Your heart broke hearing that. Not only at the thought of Mia being upset after seeing you faint, but also how hard the entire situation must've been on Auston and his family.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, not being able to stop the tears welling in your eyes again. "I-I should've just gone to the hospital earlier when my doctor said she couldn't get me in until tomorrow. I knew something was wrong. I had that feeling, fuck!"

"Y/N, you had no way of knowing this is what would happen. Please don't be so hard on yourself," he reasoned with you while giving your hand another little squeeze. "I, uh, I kind of dropped a bomb on everyone too."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry. I know this isn't how we wanted anyone to find out, but, in my panicked state, my mom was trying to calm me down, and without even thinking, I told her that you were pregnant again."

"To be fair, it's best that you did because we needed to know to be able to tend to her properly," the male paramedic spoke up again. "And, sorry to interrupt, but we are approaching the hospital."

"You ready?" Auston asked and reached towards you to gently push your hair out of your face. He then tried to give you a reassuring smile, although you could easily see through his facade.

It was apparent that he was as anxious as you were, but he had already been so brave and strong for you. The least you could do was be the same for him.

"As long as I have you by my side, I'm ready for anything."

Once you were taken into the hospital, it wasn't long before you were seeing a doctor. She was a lovely woman, but you couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable because you hated going to the hospital. You much preferred going to your own doctor. You always felt comfortable with her regardless of the situation, whereas anything else felt foreign. But luckily, you had Auston there.

At first, the E.R. doctor was a little confused by what would've caused your fainting. She was able to see how your last doctor's appointment went and that you seemed to be in perfect health. She then read how low your blood pressure was from when the paramedics checked it in the ambulance while you were still passed out. That was pretty concerning.

She explained to you and Auston that your fainting could've been caused by Dehydration, which was most common, but she wanted to test your blood to see if anything else came up. And sure enough, something did.

The doctor was able to get you a rapid test, so about half an hour after she finished taking some blood, she came back into the room and explained that your blood had a lower than average amount of red blood cells, which is tied to iron deficiency. In other words, you were diagnosed with anemia.

Being told that absolutely terrified you. It was the last thing you wanted to hear, and with the way Auston was physically pale when you glanced over at him, you could tell he was feeling the same way.

However, the doctor then explained how your anemia was more than likely just related to your pregnancy. It was more than likely that it would no longer be an issue once your baby was born, but it did pose some possible negative effects on the baby if not treated properly.

Your chances of having a premature birth, a baby with low birth weight, as well as postpartum depression, were much higher because of this. Again, not something you or Auston wanted to hear, but the doctor quickly said how the addition of an iron supplement with your prenatal vitamins should help keep things relatively at bay. She said it was likely that you may still feel dizziness, fatigue and other symptoms at times throughout your pregnancy, but keeping your iron levels up would help that. She then told you to see your doctor still the following day and said to take things easy before running a quick ultrasound to check on the baby.

Roughly an hour and a half after you arrived at the hospital, you were allowed to finally go back home, which was the best news you'd heard all night.

Not many words were exchanged between you and Auston as the two of you sat in the waiting room until his parents got there to pick you both up. There wasn't much that could be said. The two of you were still processing everything you had just been told, and it was a damn hard pill to swallow. So, instead of talking about it, the two of you sat in silence. You leaned against each other for the support neither of you could give verbally at the time.

The moment Ema and Brian entered the emergency room, you broke down. You knew, as a mother herself, Ema would understand how you were feeling, and it was not long before she was rushing over to you and Auston, then pulling you into her embrace.

Auston was the one to explain the news as you just cried it out a little bit, while Ema let you hold onto her. She kept assuring that everything was going to be ok, but for the first time in a long time, you were almost positive it wasn't.

That feeling of dread you already had was much more prominent than before, and now Auston was feeling something similar as well.

You both apologized to his parents for them finding out about the new baby the way that they did, but Brian quickly shut that down by telling you and Auston that it didn't matter how they found out. All that mattered was that you were ok, and so was the baby.

Neither of you could argue with that, and soon after, the four of you agreed it was time to go home and headed to the car.

When you all got back to the house, you were surprised to learn that Mia was asleep. It was close to an hour before her usual bedtime, but after you and Auston walked through the front and entered the living room, you found her passed out while laying against Alex on the couch.

"She just fell asleep," Auston's older sister spoke quietly as she greeted you both with a small smile and started gently rubbing Mia's head. "She was so exhausted. I didn't have the heart even to try to keep her awake."

"No, it's ok. Thank you," you replied softly, but before you could say anything else, Bre was bursting into the room and pulling you into a hug.

"Oh, my god, Y/N," she said as you hugged her back, then pulled away to look at you again. "How are you feeling? Are you alright?"

"Better now that I'm home with you guys," you told her, then bent down to pet Frank, who was looking up at you excitedly.

As you talked with her, Auston hung both of your coats up in the foyer's closet before coming back into the living room and gently picking up Mia.

Even in her sleeping state, Mia cuddled right up against her dad as he held her against his chest and your heart swelled when he turned back to look at you and Bre.

"I'll go put her to bed," he whispered, trying hard not to wake her up. But, before he walked past you and Bre, he stopped when he saw you looking at Mia. You smiled at him thankfully, because you knew that he stopped so you could kiss Mia goodnight, like you always did.

When you looked at her all snuggled in Auston's arms as she slept, you could feel yourself getting emotional. Immediately, you noticed how her eyes were still a little wet from what you assumed was her crying, which absolutely broke your heart. You hated that with everything you went through that night, Mia also suffered from it and some way. However, as you felt yourself beginning to get worked up over it, you took a deep breath to let yourself calm down, then leaned in to push some of Mia's little curls away from her face and placed a soft peck on her forehead.

"Goodnight, baby girl," you said quietly, then looked to Auston before reaching up to peck his lips too. "I love you."

"And I love you," he responded before kissing you again then glancing at his two sisters. "I'll be right back."

You watched him leave the room, then you and Bre joined Alex on the couch and began properly catching up, seeing as you hadn't been able to do that yet.

The two of them, along with Ema and Brian, were thrilled about the news about you being pregnant, which you knew they would be, but you were still really bummed over how they found out about their new family member. However, no one dwelled on that at all or pressed you about what you were told at the hospital. Instead, you were able to cuddle on the couch with your husband as you watched ELF with his family before eventually calling it a night.

~*~

The following day, Christmas Eve Eve, was rather hectic. But not necessarily in a bad way.

When you woke up, no one else was awake yet. The house was quiet, and there was no sound coming from Mia's room through the monitor. All that could be heard was the small breaths Auston let out as he slept next to you and the groan Frank made as he shifted his position from where he laid at the end of your bed.

Everything was peaceful and felt right. It was exactly what you needed after everything that happened the night before, but that soon changed.

As you waited for a sign of someone else being awake, you reached over to grab your phone from where it rested on your bedside table and opened up Twitter. You were scrolling for all of three seconds before realizing that 'Auston Matthews' was trending.

Curious about what could be trending regarding your husband, you clicked on a thread to see what it was all about. Surprisingly, a lot of it was about you.

It turned out that your trip to the hospital the night before didn't go unnoticed. A handful of tweets said how you and Auston were seen at Toronto Western Hospital, including one saying how the two of you arrived in an ambulance and how you were on a stretcher.

The majority of the tweets were people commenting, wondering what happened, and wishes that everything was ok. But, there were also some downright mean ones. Some people commented on your appearance, saying that you looked awful and how you were lucky to be Canadian; otherwise, Auston would've probably been covering the hospital bill.

Usually, you never paid attention to anything that was being said about you. These people knew nothing about your life and were indeed in no position to be saying anything, which you knew, but reading those things made you feel like shit. And you hated that you were actually letting them get to you.

But, soon enough, someone diverted your attention.

"Baby?" Auston asked, sounding very sleepy as he shifted next to you but still managing to make you jump at the sudden noise. "Everything alright?"

"Oh, uh, yeah," you lied and quickly closed out of the app before moving to face him. "Everything's fine."

"Are you sure? You seem a little flustered."

"Yes, babe, it's nothing to worry about."

"Ok," he responded unsurely, but dropped it as he subtly wrapped his arm around your waist then pulled towards him forcefully.

"Auston!" You gasped as you gripped onto his shoulder with one hand and bicep with the other so you could balance yourself out, but quickly realized he did that so you'd be hovering over him with very little space between the two of you. "Smooth."

"Always," he replied with a smirk, then began placing kisses along your shoulder, collarbone and neck.

He didn't stop until he reached your jawline and was able to see how much what he was doing affected you in the best way possible as your eyes fluttered close and you leaned into his touch. Feeling rather smug with himself, he then put his arm around your waist again and quickly flipped the two of you over so that your back would be on the mattress and he would be on top.

As soon as you looked up at him, he gave you a playful smirk and was about to continue, but then a noise began filling the room.

"Mama?" Mia's voice sounded through the monitor resting on Auston's bedside table as you and him both froze and looked towards the device. Sounds of shuffling and the odd grumble could be heard, making it rather apparent that your daughter was awake, but then she started crying. "Mommy!"

"Shit," you and Auston said at the same time as you both scrambled off the bed then rushed down the hall to Mia's bedroom, even gaining enough of Frank's attention that he followed after the two of you.

Once you pushed open the door to Mia's bedroom, you found her standing up in her crib, sniffling as she cried and tiredly rubbing at her eyes. Without a second thought, you beelined right for her and picked her up, making sure to give her a comforting squeeze as she immediately clung to you.

"It's ok, sweetheart. I'm here," you soothed as you began gently rubbing her back. "Mommy's here."

"Where go, mama?" She asked as she leaned against your shoulder and hugged you closer, then looked to where Auston was standing nearby but said nothing more.

"I just needed to go see a doctor, Mia. But it's ok. I won't leave you again, ok? I promise."

"Ok."

Auston watched the two of you interact and couldn't help but smile. He loved that you and Mia loved so much. Seeing the two most important girls in his life being as lovey and soft as you and Mia were made him feel all types of ways. You both were his entire world, and he was content just seeing a moment like that forever if he could, but then he remembered all that had to be done that day.

"Hey, Mini," he spoke up and reached towards her. "Why don't we go brush our teeth, then go eat breakfast?"

"No, daddy," she stated firmly as he went to take her from your hold, but she held onto you even tighter, instead. "I stay with mommy."

Both you and Auston were shocked by this. It was probably the first time Mia had ever just flat out denied any type of snuggles from her dad, and it was just so strange to see. Without even voicing it, you and Auston gave each other a look as if to say you knew she was giving him the cold shoulder because of what happened the night prior.

It sucked because you knew that your daughter didn't understand what was going on and that she still wouldn't even if you tried to explain it all right then in there. Telling Mia about pregnancy and how she was going to be a big sister soon had to be a gradual thing. So, with one more glance at each other and a slight nod, you and Auston silently agreed to just move on from the subject.

"Why don't we all go brush our teeth, and then I'll make you some pancakes, little miss," you suggested and kissed her head. "We have a long day ahead of us."

And you really did.

After the three of you got ready to go downstairs, Auston's family helped the two of you cook a huge breakfast for you all to eat. It was a great way to start off the day, but soon after, Auston had to leave for practice in preparation for the Leafs game that night.

Once he was gone, you planned to see your doctor, then pick up your family from the airport before you all were supposed to go to the game together. You were really excited, and Mia didn't leave your side for any of it.

Your doctor's appointment ended up being ok. You were told more about your anemia condition based on the doctor's bloodwork done at the hospital during it. Once that was established, your doctor then recommended some iron supplements for you to take with your prenatal vitamins and explained how she'd be checking your blood pressure very closely at every appointment from then on.

She also took time to check in with you and how you were doing. Her main question was if you'd been in contact with your therapist at all lately, to which you replied with how you talked to your therapist at least once a month still, but more frequently if you felt the need to. Your doctor was happy to hear that. She was the one that recommended you to your therapist almost ten years ago when you were a teenager, after all. You first met your therapist when you were seventeen and had been going to her ever since.

Then your doctor went on to tell you how she hoped you continued going to therapy, especially if everything going on with your pregnancy or just life, in general, was too much. You promised her that you would, and your appointment concluded soon after.

Having a conversation like that usually would make you uncomfortable. But since it was your doctor, the one you'd been going to since you were a kid, it made it all a lot easier. Having Mia and Ema there for moral support helped, too, especially with Auston being at practice.

Once you were done there, it was time to head to the airport and finally see your family.

Since the summer of 2017, when you and Auston had been dating for about six months, you've been the only one of your family that still lived in the Greater Toronto Area, and even then, you were only there during hockey season and a little bit at the end of offseason. You and your family loved Toronto. You always have.

Growing up, you lived in a small town on the outskirts of the GTA, then moved to downtown Toronto in 2015 when you were 18 and starting school at UofT. A year later, your younger sister Mya moved to Vancouver to begin school at UBC, then a year after that, Nate, the baby of the family, regardless of him only being two years younger than you, moved to Montreal. As your brother was in the process of moving, a job opportunity came up for your dad in B.C. and soon after, he was moving out west as well.

However, Ontario has always been home to your family. Every year at Christmas time, your family always finds a way to be together for the holiday season and continue your tradition of going on your annual skiing/snowboarding trip.

Two years prior, while you were still very pregnant with Mia, you all went to Mont-Tremblant in Quebec. The year after, during Mia's first Christmas season, everyone was in Vancouver for a few days, but now it was time for your family to be back home again, and you were so ready.

Although you kept in constant contact with your family when you weren't with them, it wasn't even comparable to how you felt when you were all together, so to say you were excited as you drove to the airport to pick them up would've been an understatement.

After your doctor's appointment, you took Ema back to the house just as Auston was getting home from practice, then headed to the airport with Mia to see your family.

You were holding Mia as you waited at the gates, telling her how her grandpa, auntie Mya and uncle Nate would all be there very soon and couldn't keep the tears from welling in your eyes when you saw them walking through the gate with their luggage. Mia started squirming in your hold excitedly, and for the first time that day, she bolted away from you as soon as you set her down and beelined towards your dad.

"Pa!"

"Ah, there's my girl!" He greeted as he let go of his suitcase, then leaned down to pick Mia up. "How are you, Miss Amelia?"

"Good," Mia replied with a smile, then hugged him tightly. "Christmas!"

"Yes, Merry Christmas!"

"Uh, excuse me, what are you still doing over there?" Mya said to you and held her arms open so the two of you could hug. "Hey, babe. Missed you."

"I missed you more," you told your little sister as you squeezed her, then pulled back to see Nate looking at you expectantly.

"Ehm," he cleared his throat and opened his arms too. "Are you forgetting about your favourite brother?"

"You're saying that like I have many choices in the matter," you told him with a pointed look, then moved away from Mya to go hug your brother too. "Missed you too, kid."

"Tee!" Mia then squealed as she reached towards Mya and Nate shortly after.

"Mia!" They exclaimed excitedly as they took her from your dad's hold, then you were able to hug him too.

"Hi, Dad," you smiled as he held you close for a minute.

"Hi, sport. How're you feeling?" He asked, making you smile hearing the nickname he's called you for as long as you could remember, but then gave him a knowing look.

"Auston told you, didn't he?"

"He called me while you were in the ambulance last night," your dad replied, then glanced at Mya and Nate as they started bickering over who was going to hold Mia and lowered his voice. "Congratulations, kiddo. Auston also filled me in on what the doctor said. I want you to know that we're all going to be here to help out if you need it, especially with Mia. Those two still don't know. I haven't said anything either. I figured you wanted to tell them about Mia's little sibling your own way."

"I do," you told him. "I wanted to tell you and Auston's family differently too, but I'm glad Aus called you when everything happened. I want to tell Mya and Nate tomorrow when we're with Mitchy and Steph too for Christmas."

"Fair enough, I'm sure they'll give you shit."

"I'd expect nothing less."

You then drove your family to where they'd be staying for the next two days. Usually, they'd stay at your house. Even with Auston's family, there was still room for the three of them, but this year, they stayed with Alice, your dad's girlfriend. You have adored Alice since you met her during your first Christmas with Auston as boyfriend and girlfriend back in 2017. Sadly, your mom passed away when you were thirteen, and it took years for your dad even to begin putting himself out there again in the dating pool. He always stressed to you, Mya and Nate that no one could ever replace your mother, which the three of you knew. Still, you all also understood that he was lonely and with the fact that he had given the three of you the world, the least you owed him was to not get in the way of him possibly finding happiness again.

Even with that, it took seven years after your mother's passing for him to find someone even worth considering bringing around his kids. However, Alice was amazing. You and your siblings have loved her since you met her, and now six years later are all still very glad to have her in your lives.

Your dad and Alice began their relationship shortly after he moved to Vancouver. They had worked together in Toronto a couple of years earlier until she moved to B.C., and they just so happened to cross paths again. However, Alice's family still lives in the GTA but vacation in Florida every winter.

This year, for a Christmas gift, you, Auston, Mya, Mya's boyfriend Seth, Nate and his girlfriend Sydney all pitched in so your dad and Alice could go to Florida for a few weeks and visit with her family a bit while they were there. The six of you told them what their gift was early, so they were prepared, seeing as the flight was booked for Christmas Day, and then your dad and Alice ended up booking a little beach house to stay in during those three weeks that had three extra rooms. Unfortunately, Seth and Sydney were unable to join, and the plan was for you and Mia to go for a week as well, but you decided against it because of how poorly you'd been feeling and lied, saying it was because you were swarmed with work.

Your dad understood and now gets it even more since he knows of your pregnancy, but Mya and Nate thought you were full of shit.

However, the timing was still perfect.

Alice arrived in Toronto the night before and was staying at her relatives' vacant home, which had more than enough room for your dad, Mya and Nate to stay at as well. The four of them were joining you, Mia, Auston's family and Steph in a box you booked at SBA to watch the game that night. The next day, everyone, including Mitch, Steph, and your cousin Chris, trekked up to Collingwood to stay at Blue Mountain Village and continue your family's snowboarding tradition during the holidays. Even Auston's family was joining, and you were so excited to have the most important people in your life around this Christmas. Late on Christmas Day, your dad, Alice, Nate and Mya were all to catch a late flight to Tampa and begin their vacation.

You were pretty excited about it all but more so happy to share your news about the new little babe you were growing with the loved ones who didn't find out because you fainted.

After a brief visit with Alice, you told your family you'd see them at the game, then you and Mia headed back home again. Auston was there once you arrived, and it wasn't long until he and Mia were having a quick nap on the couch together while Alex and Bre took Frank for a walk, and you chatted with Brian and Ema in the kitchen.

The rest of the afternoon was pretty chill, but soon enough, Auston had to leave to get to the arena, and the rest of you had to start getting ready to go there as well.

Before you went to the arena, you got yourself and Mia all dressed up in your matching Matthews jerseys and Maple Leafs Santa hats before you joined everyone else downstairs and headed out. But not without getting a few pictures taken in front of your massive Christmas tree first.

Your evening at the Leafs game was nothing short of amazing, even though you most definitely felt a little tired.

You loved every moment of being able to cheer on your man and the other guys with both your family and Auston's together. The fact that they all got along meant the absolute world to you, too, and your time at the game was just really enjoyable. Steph came and watched the game with all of you. Still, the two of you dipped for a few minutes during the third period because other wives and girlfriends of players who were also present at the game wanted to get one last group picture before the New Year—seeing as everyone got pretty messy at the girl's Christmas party a couple of weeks earlier. You were sober for that, and even you still looked like a hot mess.

After the game, you all waited for Auston and Mitch before heading home. The guys you saw as they walked by were all in good moods after the win they'd just got, but all stopped and made sure to say hi to you, Mia and Steph as they passed.

A couple of minutes later, Auston and Mitch entered the hallway at the same time and lit right up when they saw everyone. But then you observed as Mitchy glanced at Auston briefly then started racing towards where you stoop with Mia.

"Hi, Meems!" Your cousin said excitedly as he picked his goddaughter up and made her start giggling like crazy as she hugged him. He then smiled at you and gave Steph a quick peck before turning to face your dad, Mya and Nate and greeted them excitedly, still holding onto Mia.

"Why must everyone just steal our daughter before I even get the chance to see her?" Auston grumbled teasingly as he came up beside you and smoothly wrapped his arm around your waist to pull you in for a kiss, then leaned down to smirk at you. "Hi."

"Hi, yourself," you smiled back, then leaned against him. "To be fair, Mitch was just faster than you there."

"I can honestly say I wasn't expecting him to break out into a sprint just to get to her first."

"Would you expect anything less, though?" Steph asked with a chuckle from where she stood beside you, then resumed her conversation with Alex.

"Valid point," Auston said with a nod, then kissed your head before moving away and walking towards your family. "Time to visit my favourite in-laws."

You felt as though your heart could burst watching him interact with your family, even feeling yourself getting a little teary-eyed as you observed them. Sure, it was more than likely the pregnancy hormones, but you were also just so freaking happy. Moments like this made you forget about everything else going on, and you loved it.

It seemed that Ema noticed this too because a few short moments later, she was standing next to you, nudging your shoulder with hers and smiling before pulling you in for a little side hug.

Shortly after that, everyone grouped together to discuss the plans for Christmas Eve and then soon called it a night. You hugged Mitch, Steph and your family goodbye, telling them you'd see them tomorrow at Blue Mountain before heading to the parking lot with Auston, Mia and his family, still smiling because everything just felt right. And you really needed that.

~*~

Everyone was awake early in the Matthews house the following day, full of excitement for Christmas Eve and for what the day's events entailed before embarking on the almost two-hour drive to the ski resort.

You, Mia, Auston and his family were the first ones to arrive at Blue Mountain out of the entire group and immediately started getting settled into your accommodations. Your little family of three had a room to yourselves, with Alex and Bre in the room across the hall and Auston's parents in the one next door on the left. The room next door on the right was going to be where Mitch, Steph and Chris stayed and had a conjoining door that could be opened up to connect the two rooms. It was pretty obvious those two rooms would be where everyone was hanging out later that evening. But further down the hall were the two rooms your dad and Alice, Nate and Mya would be staying in.

About an hour later was when everyone else began arriving.

Mitch claimed they took forever because when they stopped by his parents' house to drop off Zeus, your aunt Bonnie just wouldn't stop talking. She had to catch up with Nate and Mya right then and there even though she would be seeing them and your dad the next day for Christmas. You understood, though, because when you were talking to her that morning as you dropped off Frank, lucky that she agreed to watch him for the night, the two of you talked for quite a bit, so you could only imagine how badly she wanted to speak with your brother and sister who haven't been back in town for months.

Once everyone was settled, Nate, Mya, Mitch, Chris, and Steph were dead set on getting to the slopes to begin your family's tradition properly, and that's when you started panicking. When you didn't start getting ready right away, they knew something was up, and the fact that you stayed quiet confirmed that even more.

"Y/N, why aren't you getting ready?" Nate asked as he peaked his head through the doorway connecting yours and Mitch's room.

"I, uh, I think I might sit this one out, guys," you replied sheepishly. To be completely honest, you didn't know if it was safe to snowboard while pregnant or not. Sure, you were pretty good at snowboarding and didn't think you'd wipe out, but that didn't mean there still wasn't a chance that you could and end up causing harm to yourself and your baby.

"Excuse me?" Chris said before sticking his head through the doorway too. "The hell do you mean you 'might sit this one out', Y/N?"

"Well, I-."

"It's tradition," Mya cut you off from where she sat on the couch in your's and Auston's room.

"I, I don't know," you responded. "I guess I can go down one hill, but maybe just an intermediate one and no racing."

"That's no fun," Nate groaned dramatically before disappearing out of sight.

"Babe," Auston spoke up from where he stood a couple of feet away, putting on Mia's snow pants and coat. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

He then gave you a look, silently asking you to reconsider because you knew he'd be stressing out the entire time you were up on that hill.

"I think if I stick to an easy hill, I'll be fine, Aus," you explained to him softly so no one else besides Bre and Alex, who were sitting next to you, would hear. "If I was earlier in my pregnancy, I wouldn't even consider it, but I'm 15 weeks, babe, and not to sound cocky, but I don't think I'm going to wipe out."

"But-."

"I promise I'll only do one. If I didn't feel well enough to do it or was worried, I wouldn't. Ok?"

"Ok," he sighed and nodded in agreement. "But if something happens, babe."

"Try not to think about it like that," you replied and stood up to walk towards him and Mia. "Have a little faith in my skills."

"I do. And I mean, you're definitely better at snowboarding than I am."

"That's because you're my Desert Boy," you told him, then leaned down to peck his lips before he could say anything else, smirking because you knew he hated when you called him that.

"Why do you only want to do an intermediate hill?" Mitch asked as he strolled into the room but stopped briefly to compliment Mia on her puffy pink coat before looking back at you. "Pretty sure last year you said, and I quote, 'it's too easy. Where's the challenge?' Right?"

You didn't know how to respond. There was no way you were just flat out going to say it was because you were pregnant, and you struggled coming up with an excuse. But luckily for you, Bre saved your ass.

"It's because us Arizonians aren't used to this, and Y/N promised she wouldn't show us up," Auston's younger sister spoke up, then winked at you.

"Thank you," you told her quietly.

"Ok, that's fair," Nate replied and came into the room too. "The Canadians have a bit of an advantage here, I guess."

"Speak for yourself," Steph scoffed from the other room. "The only reason I'm no longer afraid of the ski lift is because you all have dragged me on it so many times now."

"You and me both, Steph," Auston piped in, then stood up from his kneeling position in front of Mia. "Wow, Mini, you look great. Are you ready to go on the mountain coaster?"

"Yeah!" Your daughter replied excitedly, then ran into the other room.

"I guess we shouldn't keep her waiting," Alex suggested, to which everyone agreed with, and you all soon made your way outside.

Once the group of you were all dressed for the cold, you went down to the resort lobby and dispersed. The kids made their way to the ski hills while Ema and Brian wandered around the village with your dad and Alice.

As soon as you arrived at the foot of the hill with all of your gear, Auston asked if you were sure you would be ok doing this, and you assured him that you would be.

You then made your way over to the ski lift and braced yourself for what was to come. Mia stayed at the bottom of the hill with Alex, but not without cheering you and Auston on, of course.

"Go, mommy! Go, daddy!" She called after the two of you and waved with Alex as she watched you go.

You then got on one of the ski lift chairs with Auston and Bre and waited patiently to be taken up to the top. Once you got off the lift and everyone was grouped together, you, Nate, Mya, Mitch and Chris all took your annual hilltop cousin group picture, as well as some others.

There were some nice photos taken of you with your siblings, a couple with Steph, as well as a few with Bre. Nate managed to capture a typical picture of you and Mitch where he was laughing, and you looked like you were ready to throat punch him. But your favourite photo was one that Bre took.

As everyone was figuring out which hill they wanted to go on after this one, you shuffled over to Auston, then wrapped your arms around his waist and leaned against his chest as you waited. He responded by wrapping his arms around your middle too so that he could hold you close. Then he leaned his head on top of yours and looked down towards the bottom of the hill. Steph then went over to Bre and pointed out the cute little moment happening between you and Auston, and your sister-in-law was quick at snapping a picture so that the moment would be saved forever.

Shortly after that, you all snowboarded down the hill. Mitch and Nate showed off a bit, and Auston tried to but got a little shaky in doing so. You made it to the bottom without issue but didn't want to risk going down again because, realistically, you didn't know what could happen out there and would much rather be safe than sorry.

The rest of them went down different ski trails while you hung out with Mia and let Alex have a turn going up the hill as well. As you and Mia waited, you noticed the rental spot for skis and snowboards, and since there wasn't much else to do, you decided to go rent a tiny snowboard for Mia to see how she would take to the activity.

After you got her all geared up and standing on the board, you started pulling her around.

"Look at you go, Mia, you're a natural," you told her with a smile.

"Look at me, go!" She repeated while giggling as she continued staying firm in her standing position while you pulled the rope attached to the board.

About twenty minutes later, you found a very tiny pile of snow that barely had a slope, but it was still something and gave you an idea.

"Alright, babe, want to try all by yourself?" You asked and looked down at your daughter. She didn't answer you. Instead, she just looked up at you unsurely. "It's going to be ok, sweets. I won't let you fall."

"Ok, mama," she replied hesitantly but did not indicate that she didn't trust you.

You then pulled her up the small snowbank and positioned her at the top where the slope began. Once you were done doing that, you crouched down next to Mia so that the two of you would be face to face.

"Are you ready?" You asked and couldn't help but smile as she lit right up and nodded.

"Yeah!"

"Ok, give me five," you replied and held out your hand, which she quickly smacked her mitten-covered hand against in attempts to give you a high-five. "Full send?"

"Full send, mommy!"

At that, you chuckled, then leaned over to kiss her head before shuffling down the slope. Once you reached where the rope ended, you looked at your daughter again before grabbing it and started tugging slightly.

Once Mia was over the edge of where the slope began, you let go of the rope and let her slide down all on her own. You shuffled down the hill backwards, making sure to be there if she did fall, but she made it to the bottom without issue and was so proud of herself.

"Woah!" She gasped and looked at you, excitedly.

"Good job, baby!" You told her, but loud cheering and hollering sounded from nearby before you could say anything else.

"Shred-it, Mia!" Nate exclaimed, making you look over to see everyone approaching the two of you again, all of them grinning widely.

"Good job, Mini!" Auston beamed as he was the first to reach you, then quickly scooped up Mia and held her close. "And here I thought you might act more Arizonian than Ontarian."

"Well, she was born here," Mitchy argued. "Don't downplay her half-Canadianness."

"She's already better at snowboarding than I am," Alex added in, making everyone laugh.

"Pretty soon, she's going to show all of us up," Chris stated.

Mia couldn't stop smiling while being surrounded by all of her people and hearing their compliments. Shortly after that, Mitchy pulled her back up to the top of the snowbank so she could go down once more, then you all headed back into the resort to warm up and get ready to go find the rest of the family.

A couple of hours later, after the whole group got together for dinner, everyone was gathered in your and Auston's room just hanging out. Your room was pretty big, but with Mitch and Steph's room being connected, it allowed much more space, and no one was cramped.

No one stayed dressed up for this. You all changed into comfy clothes without having the need to impress anyone but still managed to pull off a surprise when yours and Auston's family arrived at your room to find you, him and Mia all dressed in matching Christmas pyjamas.

Everyone then started sipping on some alcoholic beverages, minus you and Mia, of course, and as the night progressed, you started feeling more and more ready to tell the rest of your family that you were pregnant again.

Your siblings, Mitch, Steph and Chris, were all aware that you hadn't been feeling well lately, and they never pressed you about it, even though they didn't know why. They knew that whatever wasn't making you feel well was more than just one thing, but they knew you'd tell them when you were ready to. So, when you expressed that you didn't want to drink that night, none of them gave you a hard time even though Steph had a gut feeling about something.

It eventually got to the point where you just didn't want to wait any longer. You were having so much fun with the people you loved the most and were unable to keep your secret anymore.

You subtly made your way over to where Auston was standing, holding Mia as he talked with Chris in the corner of the room by the Christmas tree, and wasted no time cuddling right up next to him.

"Hi, mommy," Mia greeted, noticing you before anyone else but soon had Auston turning to look over his shoulder, smiling as soon as he saw you.

"Hey, babe," Auston said and welcomed your cuddles.

"Sorry to interrupt," you stated, then looked to your cousin, who also just smiled in return while watching you, Auston and Mia together.

"You didn't interrupt," Chris replied. "But I'll be right back. I'm going to go grab another drink."

Once it was just your little family of three, you looked up to Auston and bit down on your bottom lip while trying to contain the massive grin you could feel forming.

"What's up?" Your husband asked, knowing that you were getting excited about something.

"I want to tell them."

"Right now?"

"Yeah," you answered. "I think I'm ready."

"Then I'm ready, too," he stated, which made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"What are you three over there talking about?" Mya spoke up as she approached the three of you.

With one final glance at Auston, the two of you nodded at each other, then you moved away from him slightly so that you could both face everyone else.

"Well, there's something that we wanted to tell all of you," you told Mya but managed to capture everyone else's attention too.

"Wait!" You heard Mitch yell from the other room, then a moment later, he was bursting through the doorway and letting out a dramatic breath. "Ok, proceed."

You smiled and braced yourself for what was to come.

When it came to announcing your pregnancy with Mia, it was all a little chaotic and nothing was planned well. Which was fine, but you wanted the announcing of this little bean to be more fun and exciting. Unfortunately, that plan was partially ruined when you fainted in front of Auston's family, but you knew they were excited and knew that your family would be just as stoked, which is why you wanted to get creative with how you told them.

Growing up, for the longest time, you didn't really understand pregnancy, seeing as you were so young when your mom was pregnant with both Mya and Nate. You were never able to remember who put that idea in your head, but you used to believe how a woman got pregnant was by eating a watermelon seed, and then a baby grew in their belly because of it. Eventually, you grew out of that and understood what it actually meant to become pregnant, but your family has never let you live it down.

When you showed Mya and Nate your pregnant belly when you were expecting Mia, one of the first things your brother asked was if you ate watermelon, and it's also just something members of your family will always bring up just to tease you about.

You told Auston this story when he was confused by why so many people talked about watermelon as you were pregnant the first time, and he found it absolutely hilarious. His family did, too, so you thought that would be a fun thing to incorporate into announcing this pregnancy.

A couple of weeks prior was when you attempted to tell Mia about how she would be a big sister in a few months. She didn't understand, and both you and Auston knew you'd both have to be gradual and patient when it came to helping her understand what that meant. After you told her, she asked how you were pregnant, and before you could even say anything, Auston told her that you ate watermelon and you wanted to die of embarrassment because you knew that was just something you'd never be able to live down.

"The anticipation is killing me," Steph spoke up, snapping you from your train of thought but also making you grin even wider than before.

"Mini, can you tell everyone what your mommy ate?" Auston asked your daughter as he looked down at her, then pointed to her tummy so that she'd understand what he was referring to.

"Mommy ate watermelon," she said casually, then jumped when a series of excited gasps sounded from around the room.

"SHUT UP!" Nate was the first to say something, making Auston's family and your dad laugh, while everyone else looked at you completely flabbergasted.

"Are you kidding?" Mya asked and stepped even closer. "This isn't some kind of sick joke, is it?"

"It's not," you confirmed, your voice cracking as you let out a small laugh and started crying as your sister engulfed you in a tight hug.

Soon enough, another pair of arms were wrapping around you and Mya, holding you both tightly as they did so. They laid their head right on top of yours with ease, and a deep laugh rippled through their chest. You knew it had to be your brother.

"This is insane. Congratulations, Y/N," Nate said.

"Meems, you're going to be a big sister!" Mitchy told Mia as he took her from Auston's arms so your brother and sister could move on to congratulating him too. Once he had Mia, he looked at you and shook his head but had the biggest smile as he pulled you in for a hug. "Congrats, twin. Oh, my god."

"I knew something was up!" Steph squealed as she tackled you in a hug next. "Please, I'm so happy for you, babe."

You then received a hug from both Chris and Alice after that, who were extremely happy for you and Auston. Shortly after that, Ema ran to her room to bring back bottles of wine for everyone to crack into for a congratulatory toast kind of thing. She made sure to give you a glass of sparkling cider instead as everyone cheered on your growing family, making you even more emotional as you leaned into Auston's chest as a way to hide the fact that you were bawling your eyes out.

Later that night, after everyone had wandered off to bed, you and Auston were still awake wrapping the Christmas gifts you brought to give to your loved ones in the morning. Mia was passed out on her little travel bed on the other side of the room next to yours and Auston's bed, while the two of you were all giggly and teasing with each other as you attempted to get everything done.

Auston was a little buzzed from the alcohol he consumed earlier, and even though you were sober, you just fed off his energy, and the two of you were just having a lot of fun.

"Would you quiet down?" You whispered after he made a particularly cheeky but loud comment. "You're going to wake Mia up."

"It's Christmas, babe," he replied as he stuck his tongue out at you. "Loosen up a bit."

You rolled your eyes at him but still smiled as he leaned over to change the song that was softly playing from his phone nearby. Whenever Mia was going to sleep, she always preferred to listen to music as she did. So, you and Auston made a little playlist she listens to fall asleep to every night that's made up of very soft and soothing music and songs that you both love.

Even after Mia fell asleep, the two of you left the music on so it would somewhat cover up your voices as you did your wrapping. It just all very much so fit the vibe of the two of you still in your matching pj's talking with each other as you sat on the ground next to the Christmas tree seeing as that was the only light source you could use in the room without waking up your daughter.

The intro notes of Lover by Taylor Swift started playing next, and Auston let out a pleased sigh as he looked back at you.

"Ah, Miss Swift," he said, then gave you a look.

"What?" You asked and narrowed your gaze at him.

"Can I not just admire my beautiful wife?"

"You can, but I know the look you're giving me. It's the one you give when you want something. So, what is it?"

"You know me well," he told you then smirked, before extending a hand towards you. "Dance with me."

At that, you chuckled a little bit, but then Auston stood up and kept his hand extended as he looked at you expectantly.

"Wait, are you serious?" You asked, surprised.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

You didn't know how to respond. You were so caught off guard but soon found yourself slowly reaching for his hand and letting him help you stand back up. Once you were upright, you then let him pull you in close and rested your head on his chest as the two of you began swaying to the music.

As you did this, you couldn't help but think about dancing with him like this at your wedding that happened a year and a half prior. That was one of the happiest days of your life. Dancing with him at that moment next to the Christmas Tree made you feel like that all over again, and you soon found yourself snuggling closer to him as he began humming along to the lyrics.

No words were exchanged. There was no need for them to be. The two of you were in your own little world and just wanted to stay there for a while longer. Even as Lover faded out and Ed Sheeran's Perfect began playing next, the two of you stayed holding onto each other and continued swaying as the night seemingly faded around you both.

~*~

Christmas Day morning, although kind of chaotic, was everything you could've hoped it'd be.

You, Auston and Mia, had a very soft morning that was just the three of you before everyone piled into your room again and kicked off the day's events. Your entire family all got breakfast together, then went back to the rooms to exchange gifts but had to check out of the resort and head back to Toronto soon after.

That evening, you drove Nate, Mya, your dad and Alice to the airport, then went back home to have Christmas dinner with Auston's family. It was a very chill way to conclude the holiday, and you loved every minute of it.

A few days later, Auston's family flew home to Arizona, hockey started up again, and things just started feeling weird to you.

You would've been lying if you said you didn't experience a bit of post-holiday depression. Going from a full house of people and having all your loved ones together to having the house basically empty besides you, Mia and Frank hit really hard. The Leafs' schedule after Christmas sucked and had Auston constantly coming and going, which also didn't help because it was brief when he was home.  

It was like you were coming down from a really good high, but instead of things eventually feeling normal again, they just gradually got worse without you even realizing it. And on top of it all, you just felt so tired and weak all the damn time, finally noticing how badly your anemia absolutely kicked your ass and would continue to do so for the months to come.

However, as soon as you acknowledged how down you were feeling mentally, you booked an appointment with your therapist. Gradually got in the routine of talking to them at least once a week again. But even in doing that, you never discussed how you were feeling with anyone else and were unintentionally pushing them away.

Your loved ones noticed, though. It was very easy for them too. But, there wasn't much they could do to help if you didn't let them.

During those weeks after Christmas, Mia barely left your side because she knew you weren't feeling well, and neither did Frank. Mitch and Steph were able to pick up on something bothering you, too, because you distanced yourself from them. They knew about you having anemia and how that definitely affected you a lot, also that you were just bummed, but you wouldn't let them even try to help you. Steph tried to invite you over for days the two of you could just chill together with Mia, Frank and Zeus while the guys were away and was even ok going to your house instead, but you never gave her a straight answer. So, nothing came of it, and she and Mitch started genuinely getting worried about you.

They weren't the only ones who realized you weren't feeling like yourself either.

When you Facetimed your dad, Alice, Nate and Mya while they were in Florida, they could easily tell you weren't doing good and just wished they could be there to help. Auston's family was able to tell too, and it even got to the point where Ema was about to fly back to Toronto but didn't because she knew if that wasn't something you wanted to happen, it wouldn't help the situation.

Naturally, it was Auston who noticed just how much changed with you after the holidays. He saw it first hand when he was home and could hear it in your voice during your calls while he was away. However, you just never expressed what was bothering you, and other than the obvious things that triggered this, not even you were sure why you felt as gross as you did.

Unfortunately, this took somewhat of a toll on your's and Auston's relationship. You didn't realize you were pushing him away, and he couldn't help but blame himself for it. He wished he could be home all the time, and so did you, but that just wasn't possible, and it was the first time that a form of mental and emotional distance between the two of you added to the physical distance that was already there and it just made everything so much harder.

Miscommunication between you and Auston occurred more during these few weeks than it ever had throughout your entire relationship. How both of you felt just wasn't addressed because neither of you knew how to approach the topic and were utterly oblivious to how bad it truly was.

Both of you hated it so much. But then, around the middle of January, about two weeks before Mia's second birthday, there was a slight shift, and things briefly started looking up.

You were happy and more energetic all of a sudden, and for a few days straight, you just seemed so much like yourself again. There was a day that you and Mia grabbed lunch with Steph then hung out for the remainder of the day for the first time in almost a month. Your dad, Alice and Nate were due to fly back to Toronto in the upcoming days and stay for a night before going home themselves, so you were excited to see them even though Mya was already back in B.C. And even with Auston, you were gradually coming out of that wall you unintentionally built around yourself and letting him back in as well.

Although not every day was perfect, things seemed better. Little did anyone know they were about to go to complete shit and how easily it could've all been avoided too.

During a couple of days where Auston was home, he decided to plan something special for you. The weird scheduling of him seemingly being on the road more than he was at home was coming to an end just in time for Mia's birthday, and he couldn't wait. He was so excited to have longer stretches at home. Even though he'd still have to come and go, it wasn't going to seem as bad as it had been previously. And the best part was that he'd get just to be there and spend time with you and Mia.

To kick that off, on the 15th, exactly ten days before Mia's birthday, he booked a reservation for the two of you to grab dinner at one of your favourite restaurants downtown.

You weren't feeling 100% that day, but after Auston proposed the idea, explained what restaurant the two of you would be going to, and how he'd already arranged for Steph to watch Mia that night, you got pretty excited about it.

The thought of having a nice evening with your husband sounded so good to you. After how shitty January had been so far, you felt that you really needed this one on one time with him and could tell that he felt the same.

There wasn't a Leafs game that day, but Auston did have practice and some media stuff he had to do before meeting you for dinner. It was a long and hectic day, to say the least, and it ended up being way longer than he was expecting, but he eventually finished what he needed to do and couldn't wait to get home and see his girls.

However, when he got home, you weren't there. But Steph was.

"Hey, Steph," Auston greeted as he walked through the front door and looked at her curiously. He was lucky, though, because Mia was very focused on the show Steph had put on for her and didn't even notice him. But before he could make his presence known to her, Steph told Mia she'd be back in a second, then rushed into the foyer.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, looking at him as if he'd grown a second head.

"Uh, this is my house?" He chuckled in response.

"I'm aware of that, but weren't you supposed to be downtown getting dinner with Y/N an hour ago?"

Auston froze and went completely pale at that.

"Oh, fuck," he said and immediately started putting his coat back on. "Oh, my god. I completely forgot about the reservation. Fuck!"

Without saying another word, he booked it out of the house and back to his car, but Steph understood and just hoped that this wouldn't become a whole thing, even though she had a feeling it definitely wasn't going to end up good.

Auston tried calling you as he drove back downtown and got more frustrated with himself when you weren't answering. About twenty minutes later, he parked the car and rushed to the restaurant. However, when he went to go inside, you walked out.

You looked surprised to see him, but that quickly changed to a look of hurt and disappointment, which didn't go unnoticed by your husband.

"Y/N, I am so sorry," Auston tried to explain while taking in how dressed up you were. You looked stunning in the dress you decided to wear that night, and it made him feel even worse about how badly he fucked up. "I got so caught up with everything today, and I know that's no excuse, but please know how sorry I am. We can go back in there. I'm sure they'll still take us."

"I already ate," you told him, then glanced away. It was then he noticed how glossy your eyes were with unshed tears and could feel his heart shatter. "I just want to go home."

"But, baby-."

"Please, Auston. I'm embarrassed enough as it is."

He didn't know what he could say to that, so with a nod and another apology, the two of you walked to his car and headed home.

The original plan was for Steph to drop you off at the restaurant to meet Auston, then the two of you would drive home together afterwards. That's exactly what happened. But the entire drive home was so painfully silent, and Auston knew it was all his fault.

"Babe, you don't understand how sorry I truly am," he eventually spoke up, which had you shifting awkwardly in your seat before responding.

"I understand. But please, let's just drop it."

You didn't leave much room for argument as you mindlessly started rubbing your 18-week pregnant belly and moved to look out the window, so Auston didn't bother fighting you on it and continued the drive home in silence.

Steph could sense the tension when the two of you walked into the house but knew it wasn't her place to ask about it. So, she gave Mia a quick hug goodbye, then told you and Auston to have a good night as you both thanked her for watching Mia, then made her way home for the night.

There weren't many words exchanged between the two of you as you put Mia to bed and got ready to sleep yourselves. Although you still cuddled up against Auston as you began falling asleep, just like you did every night, he still knew that you were so upset with him. However, the issue wasn't resolved or addressed, and the two of you soon fell asleep for the night.

The next morning, Auston had to be up early to catch a flight out of Pearson with the team to go to New Jersey for a game against the Devils that night. He was due to be back home in three days after a game against the Capitals the following day, and then was going to be home for four days before having to go to Montreal.

You didn't express that you were still upset with him as he got ready to leave, but he knew you were still hurt. As he was about to walk out the door, you still wished him luck with his games and told him that you loved him, because even though you were upset, that didn't change the love you always had for your husband.

But, Auston was already overthinking the entire situation and had begun planning a way he could make it up to you again as both you and Mia kissed him goodbye. That night after the game against the Devils was when he decided he'd fly home the following night after the game against Washington to surprise you, rather than going back to Toronto a day later with the rest of the team.

However, the day he was planning on flying home, you called him to explain how Mia wasn't feeling good.

You were pretty sure she was getting an ear infection, and she was just so fussy because of how uncomfortable and in pain she was. It broke your heart seeing her like that, and you just really needed to tell Auston about it, hoping he'd remind you that everything was going to be ok and of course, he did.

During that conversation, he managed not to bring up the fact that he was coming home that night but said to call him still if you needed anything or if Mia got worse.

Unfortunately, Mia did get worse, and it was too overwhelming for you.

When Auston was playing hockey that night, you got to the point where you were about to have an absolute breakdown because it was all too much. Your doctor was closed, and Mia didn't even consider the idea of going to the hospital, getting even fussier whenever you mentioned it. You couldn't call Auston and were about to call Steph because, on top of everything, you felt like trash too. Although you really didn't want to inconvenience anyone, you knew that you needed help and couldn't do this independently.

But, before you called Steph, you remembered that your dad and Nate were in town with Alice for the next two nights before they flew back to Vancouver and Montreal. You weren't even sure if they'd landed in Pearson yet, but without thinking about it any longer, you brought up Alice's contact in your phone as you held Mia with your other arm and hit the call button.

"Hello?" Alice greeted you with her usual cheery voice, which made you let out a loud sigh of relief.

"Alice, are you guys back in Toronto yet, by chance?" Your voice cracked as you sniffled, trying to keep it together but simply unable to.

"Oh, honey, is everything alright? We're in an Uber right now, about ten minutes away from my cousin's house."

"Would you mind if I came over? Auston isn't here, Mia is sick, and I need help. I don't know what to do anymore."

"You do not even need to ask, sweetheart," she replied softly. "But take a few deep breaths for me, ok? I know it's tough, but it's going to be alright. You go pack a bag for you and Mia, then get her and Frank loaded into the car and come over. Ok?"

"Ok," you responded, taking a deep breath as you did so. "Thank you, Alice. We'll be there real soon."

After you hung up the phone, you continued taking deep breaths so you could calm yourself down. You then looked down at Mia as she leaned against your shoulder, fighting to stay awake, and could tell that she felt probably as gross as you did.

"I'm sorry you're not feeling good, sweet girl," you told her softly, then brushed some of her curls away from her face. "We're going to stay with Pa, Alice and Uncle Nate for the night, ok? We're going to get you feeling better very soon."

"Ok, mama," she replied, then held onto you a little tighter as you started packing a bag for the two of you, then got both of you all bundled up to leave the house for the night.

As soon as Auston's game was over, he called you to check in with how Mia was doing, but the call went straight to voicemail. After a few more attempts to contact you and the same outcome, he started getting worried. He texted his mom, Steph and even a couple of the other Leafs girlfriends that he knew you were pretty close with to see if anyone had heard from you, which none of them had.

Not being able to keep himself from getting a little anxious, Auston still went to the airport and got on the conveniently short flight back to Toronto, hoping that everything would be fine once he got there.

As soon as he landed, he called you again, and there was still no answer. Yes, he knew that you were still mad at him, but he didn't think you were angry enough just to ignore him entirely and seemingly fall off the grid, especially after telling him that Mia was sick.

He started getting frustrated and sent a quick text to Nate to see if he'd heard from you, but never got a reply back. So, he ordered an Uber to take him home, and when he got there, his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach.

Your car wasn't in the driveway, there wasn't a single light on in the house, and there wasn't a single sign of you, Mia or Frank once he went inside. It was past Mia's bedtime, so it didn't make sense for you not to be home, but surely if you'd taken her to the hospital, you would've told him and not taken Frank. So, he called you again and still wasn't able to get through.

He stressfully pushed his hand through his hair as he called his parents in an attempt to figure out what the hell was going. As he did this, he took his boots off, hung up his coat and went upstairs to your's and his bedroom. When he entered the room, a mix of your and Mia's clothes was strewn all over the place. It looked that you left in a hurry and only grabbed what you could, but Auston couldn't figure out why.

While on the phone with his parents, he expressed what he saw to them and felt himself getting more and more upset. Ema tried to keep him level minded, but he was already too worked up for her to be successful in doing that.

"Mom, I think she left," he finally stated, acknowledging the worst-case scenario that had been eating away at his mind since the moment he entered the house. Ema was confused by what he meant when saying that because she was already well aware that you weren't there, but then Auston elaborated on what he was thinking. "Me, mom. I think she left me."

[xirenex]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Promise That You Won’t Leave

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Group: Ateez

Member: Choi San

Genre: Angst

Word count: 1362

Trigger warning: mentions of terminal disease (please don’t read if you are uncomfortable with this. I changed the first version to be less obvious but cried nevertheless)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You opened your eyes and reached the glass of water that was prepared for you on the nightstand with an uncontrollable thirst, breathing heavily. Your eyes went towards the wide windows that covered half a wall of your hospital room. Shiber plushie was smiling to you from its place on the sofa while the usual keys were nowhere to be seen. Just when you reached towards the button that was for the purpose of calling the nurse as a wave of nausea hit you, your phone that had been put to silent mode started vibrating. Seeing the caller id, you decided that you could hold on for longer since he would panic if you were not to answer the phone.

“Hey, love.”

“Hi. Did I wake you?”

You smiled automatically after hearing his voice.

“Nope. I just woke up so... perfect timing.”

You heard a car door opening from the other end of the phone.

“I called you to tell you that I was called in by the company. You were sleeping so peacefully that I found it a waste to wake you up. I’m on my way back though.”

From his end of the call, the background filled with the sound of the car engine while the small amount of food that you had for lunch was poking your insides.

“Thank you, I rested well. Hey... uhm... I’m going to hang up. Drive safe, okay?”

“Is something the matter?”

His voice filled with worry but you thought there was no need to tell him your regular uncomfortable situation so, you just decided to ease his mind for now. He would learn it from the nurses when he arrived anyway. You wouldn’t want him to be distracted in traffic.

“I’m fine. I just have to use the restroom. Stop worrying and focus on the road.”

“Okay, baby. I’ll see yo-“

“See you later San.”

You hung up without waiting for him to finish his line and totally forgot to use a pet name before pulling up your weak body from the bed. You were barely able to reach the toilet. From the side of your eye, you saw the button on the wall with the same purpose as the one next to your bed. After pushing it, you leaned into the toilet while trying to hold your IVs in a safe position. A couple of seconds later, your appointed nurse came in to hold you through the time you threw up.

Just when you were about to lean back to take a breath, an anxious voice called your name.

“Y/N!”

San came running in and replaced the nurse. Since she was used to your boyfriend taking care of you, she left the room silently, leaving the door open in case you needed help. She would be back with a piece of bread and yoghurt since it always helped your stomach to calm down.

“Just a second, I need to brush my teeth.”

San nodded to your demand and helped you stand up. He was extremely cautious not to hurt you. After all that time you had to put up with this routine, you were nowhere close to your prior strong body condition and he was aware that tended to act rash under pressure. Although he was doing better compared to the first time you had learned of your disease, he tried his best to control himself in order to avoid hurting you.

You were held by your waist by him until you finished brushing your teeth and got back to your place in bed. Before you started on your treatment, you insisted on cutting your hair and not wait until it weakened. San and Woo both joined you by cutting off their hair with you, earning a good scolding from their manager, who by the way did the same after he learned of your sickness. Most of the time you’d have your wig on made from your own hair, you would reject the idea of being close to death. It could’ve been easier if you had the chance to simply take the surgery and -if possible- skip the medication part but the doctor found it safer to try increasing the success rate of the surgery with drugs first before taking you down to the operation room.

You cried the night you were admitted to the hospital while San was seeing the boys and your friends off. He was the one to hold you through each time you suffered, each time that play-pretend cracked and you saw the possibility your last moments in life come real in your dreams. You knew he was exhausted nearly as much as you were but never did he complained or left you alone for more than two hours.

That night, he was spooning you on your bed when a tear escaped your eye. Then, a kiss landed on your shoulder. You didn’t know that he had been awake this whole time, having the same fears that you did. The only sound in the room was the way he breathed your scent in. He couldn’t stop himself from opening his mouth when he felt another drop of tear that this time fell on his arm under your head. Then, he whispered without having even a slight hesitation.

“You will get through this.”

There were dreams you two made in your two years of relationship. Dreams that now seemed far away. Having diagnosed with a deadly disease at the age of twenty-five was draining especially with your parents being absent in sharing the burden with your boyfriend who was an idol. Not to mention the comments he got when he announced that he had a girlfriend just to ask them to give you both some privacy when you recognized paparazzi on your way to the hospital. The fans were divided: they were either supporting and swooning over how thoughtful he was or hateful towards you for putting him through this. You, too, felt guilty and gave him a chance to go. However, it was never in his nature to leave his loved ones especially if they were in a hard situation.

“San, you have to promise me...”

“Shh...”

He hushed you, refusing to hear the words that was about to leave your mouth. It wasn’t that you gave up but being face to face with your end, you didn’t want to take the chance of leaving without saying what was needed to be said.

“Listen to me.”

You tried to turn around to face him but nearly blocked your IV pathway while doing so. Being used to this clumsy attitude of yours, he saved your hand at the last second and held your shoulders, both of you now sitting on the bed.

“No you listen to me.”

His voice was a decibel lower than what could be considered as shouting. This made you panic but since you were not a teenager anymore, instead of trying to come up with an answer of denial, you shut up.

“You have no right to do that talk to me, Pumpkin.”

Even if his brows were furrowed from the anger and anxiety born from you talking about “what if”s, he used your pet name.

“I know what attitude this relationship deserves if things come to that but you are alive and well now. Maybe weaker and thinner but it’s still you. Just a couple of stars less from your adorable eyes. However, you are still the woman I love. Still the woman I will love forever. With all my heart and soul.”

You gulped and stopped the tears in his eyes from falling with your thumb.

“Therefore, you don’t get to talk to me about leaving me alone. I don’t allow you to. Never will. You will do your best to fight and I will force you to marry me afterwards because oh boy, you are not escaping me from now on.”

You chuckled while tears streamed down your face and hugged him tightly.

You were confident that you would only marry him, despite your refusal to the concept of marriage, if you were allowed to see the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi again~ I would like to apologize for those inconvenienced by this fic. I was hesitant to publish it but came to do it somehow. For those that read through it thank you for taking your time to finish it and for those not, thank you for taking notice of the triggers and deciding what’s best for you.

P.S.: I don’t even know why I wrote something like this since this is a trigger for me too. God, why am I like this!?

See you soon~

[all-that-tmnt-jazz]

How would the Bayverse boys react to a s/o who cares for an elderly family member? I’ve been doing hospice for my grandmother after her broken hip and a back surgery— I was wondering how the boys would handle it

This is cute- I hope your grandmother heals soon.

Warnings: None.

Incarnation: Bayverse.

Extra Info: Gender-neutral reader.

Leo:

You’ve been taking care of your grandmother for about a month

You were the one taking care of her while she was going through hospice, and no one offered help

None of your family cared about how much sleep you lost or how much money you spent hiring a nurse during the day to take care of her while you were at work

When he found out, he was absolutely shocked that you were still able to make time to spend with him

When he found out, he swore to make himself your third priority

You were your first, then your grandmother

(he just wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself)

He started coming to you more often

He was making your meals, making sure you get sleep

You eventually let him start taking care of your grandmother at night

Unfortunately, she was so out of it that she couldn’t tell the difference between you and him, despite obvious differences

But one night, you were taking care of her

Leo was in your bedroom, barely awake as he hears you on the phone in the other room

He leaves your room and sees you in the kitchen

It’s nearly three in the morning, and he’s concerned about why you’re still awake

He hears the tail-end of your conversation

“Yeah, that’s the address. When should I expect a nurse to pronounce her…? Okay. Yeah, you too. Thanks.”

You put down your phone and lean against the counter, head in your hands

He sees your shoulders start to shake

“Y/n… She…”

You nod slowly

You had been with her when she passed

Leo opened his arms to you

You leaned into him and his arms were soon around you protectively

“I’m right here, Y/n… You’re so strong.”

That night, you and he mourned alone

But that was okay

Raph:

You and Raph have been dating for nearly two years

As of recently, he was quick to notice that you weren’t going to your apartment as much anymore

You were going to a building in Harlem and would spend days at a time there

His jealousy couldn’t help but grow

So, he confronted you at the Harlem apartment

He entered through what he assumed to be a bedroom window

He was right, but it was empty

He crept around, looking for you

And then he heard your voice in the other room

And he heard another voice respond

It was small and weak, and a woman’s

“Hi, Gigi. I’m sorry I’m late- I was getting some snacks.”

“Oh, dear. You didn’t have to.”

“It’s your favorite, though,” you smile

You handed her a small package containing two cannolis

Then you got a text

As your great-grandma started enjoying her cannolis, you opened the text

It was Raph telling you that he was in one of the bedrooms

You politely excused yourself and hurriedly started looking through the two bedrooms

You found Raphael pacing in the guest bedroom

“What are you doing here?” you asked him, voice rushed but quiet. “How did you find me?”

“I followed you. I… I didn’t know… You…”

Realization hit you

“You thought I was cheating?” you asked sadly

He nodded, unable to look you in the eye

You reached up and touched his jaw, making him look at you

“This is my great-grandma’s apartment, and she doesn’t have much family left. Well, she does, but they never visit or call. I started staying with her a few nights a week.”

He nodded

He felt awful for assuming

“I would never do that to you.”

He kissed your forehead

“If there’s anything you need me to do to help, please tell me,” he said, his lips still against your forehead

You smile

Donnie:

You and Donnie had been dating for three years, and it was about two weeks before he realized something was up

He could read you like a book

He saw you were stressed, and immediately saw other signs of you overworking yourself

And that you were exhausted

Not much needed to be said, but he took a break from his own gadgets for once to take care of you

He would make sure you ate

He would make you a large mug of tea on days he knew you hadn’t slept

He would physically put you on your bed and under your covers so you could sleep

It took a month of this before he finally asked you about this

You groaned and put your head in your hands

“My uncle just got his leg amputated due to a misdiagnosis. I’ve moved him in with me so I can take care of him. He’s bed-bound for now, in the guest room.”

That was not the answer he was expecting

It took him a moment to gather his bearings before you spoke again

“I’m also figuring out how to sue the hospital and the doctor responsible for his misdiagnosis so he can get back the money he spent on the wrong medication and visits, which is proving much harder than I thought…”

You moved your hands away from your face and looked at him

He offered one of his hands, and you took it

“You need to sleep. I’ll have this figured out by the morning, okay?”

“Don-”

“I’ve got this, Y/n. You should’ve told me. We could’ve had this done ages ago.”

With that, he basically dragged you to your bedroom and laid you down

You were asleep nearly immediately

He chuckled and kissed your forehead

Mikey: (A/N: I know this doesn’t fit the prompt but I still found it cute)

You had always felt like you were trapped in a bubble

Your entire family was- you and your parents

It was none of your faults, though

When he was a newborn, your dad had gotten diagnosed with Severe Combined Immunodeficiency (SCID)

Your grandfather on your mom’s side was your dad’s nurse, hence them meeting

You had a chance of getting diagnosed with it since your dad has it

You didn’t have it

But you still had to act as if you had it

You had to always go through decontamination and then bathe whenever you come home

The few times you left, that is

Honestly, you hate it

You felt like you were parenting your parents

Especially when they would scour over you like a vulture over a fresh kill

So you started going to the rooftop

You were sure your parents knew, but they didn’t say anything

So, every night, you sat on the rooftop for several hours

But then, one night, you misplaced your foot

And you fell

And you were caught

You were placed gently on the ground

When you looked up is when you saw him

He genuinely thought you were going to run off

But you didn’t

You looked around, and you saw the others

You looked back at him, though

His eyes brought the most comfort

“Um… Thanks.”

He smiled weakly

“No problem.”

That was nearly four years ago now, and you’ve been dating Mikey for two of them

And honestly?

You’ve loved every minute

[potionsprefect]

Post Rendezvous

Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x Victoria Clarke

Word Count: 792

Summary: After their activities in the on call room, Victoria and Ethan have a heart to heart

Rating: G

Category: fluff

My take on Chapter 1 of book 3

They laid on the bed content and happy, legs tangled amongst each other, Ethan gently stroked hairs from Victoria’s head whilst she snuggled against his side.

“This was a good escape Victoria. Thank you.” Ethan said breaking the silence.

“No problem. I enjoyed it too. Although I have to say, we’re you using me for my ability to make events like this less of a horrible torment.” Victoria teased.

“Naturally. I thought that was clear.” Ethan grinned.

Victoria leaned up and kissed Ethan before settling back against his side.

“We should get back to the mixer before we’re missed.” Ethan said after a few minutes.

“Can we stay here for a few more minutes? Now we’re back at work I don’t know when we’ll get a moment alone together again.”

“Of course. Anything you want.” Ethan smiled.

Ethan’s hands entwined with Victoria’s and he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb, his other hand stroking her back softly.

“I know you and Harper had a fling but a flamenco instructor? I didn’t realise you were so technical.” Victoria said.

“It was a bad idea. Not one of my greatest.” Ethan chuckled. Victoria tensed up a bit and Ethan seemed to notice. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just... oh I don’t know. Seeing you and Harper together was just unusual. You get along pretty well for exes.” Victoria said.

“Well that’s good considering we work together. It’s better to stay friends after all.” Ethan smiled.

“I know but, there were times where I saw something between you two. I know it’s nothing, of course I do. But... oh I don’t know. I guess I feel second best compared to all the doctors around me. You, Harper and Baz have years of experience on me. I’m just an amateur compared to all of you.” Victoria sighed.

Ethan shifted slightly so he was on his side and placed two fingers under chin as he lifted her face so he could look at her properly.

“Your place is undoubtedly one of the most important ones on our team. The way you talk to patients, interact with them, it’s a talent I’ll never have and never understand. You are the one who makes the patient feel calm and reassured. You have a bond with them like no other. And that’s your special talent and you should never doubt yourself. I surely don’t.” Ethan smiled.

“Really?”

“Yes Victoria. Please don’t ever doubt what you do. I would hate it if you tortured yourself with this. No one thinks of you as second best I promise.” Ethan pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“Thank you Ethan. It means a lot.” Victoria tightened her arms around him.

“You’re welcome Victoria.” Ethan smiled.

“By the way, you’re right about my special talent. I am one for getting the patients to relax.” Victoria grinned.

“You’re much better at it than me I’ll agree.”

“I’m much better at a lot of things than you Ethan.” Victoria tried to give him a stern look but her smile broke through.

“Oh yeah. What else can you do?” Ethan teased.

Victoria swung a leg over so she was straddling him and ran her hands down his bare chest. “Well for starters we’ve covered how I’m good with patients. Plus I’ve always diagnosed quicker haven’t I? I know you’re much more experienced than me but I like to think I’ve given you food for thought whilst on the diagnostics team.”

“Mmm. Anything else?” Ethan joked.

“Well outside the diagnostics office...” Victoria pretended to think about it before she leant forward and whispered something in Ethan’s ear before leaning back grinning.

“Oh really?” Ethan grinned. “Would you like to show me some of those things?”

Victoria kissed her way up Ethan’s neck and jaw before settling on his lips.

“Gladly.”

— — — — —

It could’ve been minutes or hours before they were both climbing down from their high, both tired but extremely happy.

“Do you reckon anyone’s missed us?”

“Almost definitely, but they’ll just have to wait.”

Victoria chuckled at that as the couple dressed each other slowly, stealing kisses along the way.

“I wish there was a mirror in here. I want to make sure I look presentable.” Victoria huffed as she straightened her dress and ran her hands through her slightly messy hair.

“It’s an on call room not a hotel room Rookie. Though for the record you do look immaculate.” Ethan smiled kissing her cheek.

“Only for you dear.” Victoria grinned.

“Ready to get back out there?” Ethan asked.

“With you by my side? Always.”

The couple walked out of the room and back to the party hand in hand, smiling at each other along the way.

— — — — —

Hope you enjoy this! Let me know if you would like to be tagged in future fics

Tag list: @ohchoices @openheartfan @queencarb @genevievemd @iemcpbchoices @choicesaddict5 @schnitzelbutterfingers @alina-yol-ramsey @stygianflood @malakemads-blog @gryffindordaughterofathena @magicalshepherdtreeprofessor @openheartfanfics @rookie-ramsey

[terrm9]

Fall On Me

Words count: 4 200 Warnings: mentions of fertility issues, other than that just fluff Author’s note: This is the fic I have thought so much about. I have written something, then stopped, then written again, thought about it and considered for so long if I should post it or not. I have never been this nervous posting something, probably because there is a big part of me in it - therefore, any kind of feedback will be greatly appreciated!

After four years of dating and their first year being married, Chiara and Ethan find out that there are still surprises in store for them.

Important notes: My MC (Chiara) has been diagnosed with an immune system disorder that makes it close to impossible for her to become pregnant. It has been stated in Destination fic as well as in Already Gone series, but for those who haven’t read those, it’s important to know that so you understand the context.

There are three more important notes at the end (they would kind of ruin the experience if you read them in the beginning). PLEASE read them, especially the first one, it is really important to me.

***  ***  *** ***

As Ethan stepped into his office, the sight of sleeping Chiara on a couch didn’t even surprise him. It was the fifth time in the last ten days. She would throw an apologetic smile at him along with a muttered “I just need to catch a quick break” and half an hour later, he would find her fast asleep in his office.

At this point, surprise has been replaced by worrying. Ethan knew his wife and he knew that she could go weeks without rest. This behavior was strange, to say the least.  

He approached the couch and knelt next to it, gently brushing the hair off her forehead. Placing a soft kiss on it instead, he whispered: “Chiara, are you okay?”

She opened her eyes slowly at first, obviously confused about the whole situation. Realizing what was happening – again – she sat up rapidly, trying to come up with a good excuse.

“I am sorry, Ethan, I must have fallen asleep. I just wanted to sit down for a while and-“

“It’s okay,” Ethan cut her off and took a seat next to her, hugging her waist. “I’m just a little worried about your constant tiredness.”

Sighing, Chiara rubbed her eyes and leaned into his chest, shaking her head slowly.

“I am fine. It’s just… ever since we’ve gotten back from the Europe, the work has been crazy. Two weeks and I feel like I need another vacation.”

Visiting Europe has become their habit through the years. It started with a trip to Tuscany on Chiara’s third year of residency, continuing with a quick trip to France after getting engaged, honeymoon in Greece and finally this year, when they decided to spend their first wedding anniversary on a three-weeks long roadtrip through Scandinavia, finished with four days in The Basque Country, so that Chiara could pursue her dream of visiting Guernica, the village on Picasso’s painting.

Chiara was right about the work being absolutely crazy ever since they’ve gotten back and throwing a glance at the paperwork on his desk, Ethan was very well aware of the exhaustion they both felt. Still, he managed to get through his days without needing a nap.

“Let me draw your blood so that I can run some tests. Maybe it’s just iron deficiency, but I want to be sure,” Ethan murmured into her hair, kissing the top of her head. “And go home to sleep.”

She turned to him, brows furrowed as she shook her head again.

“Absolutely not. I am fine, just a little weary. Just make me a cup of coffee and I’ll be fresh.”

Ethan stood up to make her the coffee, however he had no intention of letting her stay in work. He would bet that she was just ‘resting her eyes’ while he was turned to the coffee machine. As a doctor, there was one particular idea about what her exhaustion was about. Noticing such symptoms with anybody else, he would be absolutely sure. But this was Chiara he was thinking about and so he didn’t allow his mind wander into the direction it was tempted to.

“I am serious, Rookie. You are no use here, hardly keeping your eyes open. Drink the coffee, let me take your blood and go home to rest. I’ll come as soon as I can.”

She rolled her eyes and took the cup from his hands. Just as she was about to sip the coffee, she scrunched her nose in an utter disgust and looked up at him.

“Did you change the brand? This smells… ugh, I am not as demanding as you when it comes to coffee and even I can tell that this smells worse than the cafeteria coffee.”

Ethan bit his lip to hide the jitteriness overwhelming him at those words.

It was the same coffee brand they’ve been ordering for more than three years.

It was all adding up.

He shrugged as casually as he could and said: “Yeah, I tried a new roastery and it’s disappointing. Lets get you out of here, shall we?”

Chiara wanted to fight him, to stubbornly stay and prove him that she was more than capable of working, but she had to admit that she’s probably never felt as exhausted. And the vision of their king-sized bed was way too tempting.

Relucantly, she nodded and followed Ethan into an empty patient room to get her blood taken.

˜

To say that Ethan was nervous would be an understatement. He could’ve gone home a long time ago and instead he found himself pacing back and forth in his office, waiting for a nurse to page him that Chiara’s results were ready.

Still, when his pager went off, he all but jumped on the spot.

Seven minutes later, Ethan thanked the nurse and clutched the results in his hand, fighting the urge to read them right then and there, not quite believing his own self to be able to not to break down is the results confirmed the diagnosis he suspected.

Breathing heavily as he reached his office, he sat down on the couch – the very same Chiara was sleeping on just hours ago – and with trembling hands opened the file to see the results.

His eyes widened and just then, his vision turned blurry. New lump formed in his throat and his heart kept beating as if his dear life depended on the rate it was beating. His hands trembled so hard now that the file fell on the floor.

He was right.

Ethan could feel the tears damping his cheeks and falling on the fabric of his navy blue pants and he realized that he couldn’t care less about crying while at work.

Throwing his head back, he stared at the ceiling, letting the tears fall down freely, his heartbeat slowly calming back to normal.

He knew he needed to go home and share the results with Chiara. He just didn’t know how he should do such a thing.

˜

Chiara’s peaceful five-hours long nap has been interrupted by the sound of keys clinking in the door.

Stirring lazily in a blanket, she sat up and smiled softly as Ethan walked into the living room.

“You look exhausted. Hard day?” she asked, patting the seat next to her. “Come here.”

Ethan slumped down on the couch next to her and kissed her cheek instead of answering, his mind a battlefield of ideas on how to tell Chiara. As a doctor, he knew that he needed to be honest and straightforward. As a husband, he didn’t feel comfortable throwing such a bomb into her face as if she was simply a patient.

Noticing how lost in his head Ethan was, Chiara grew concerned.

“Did something happen, Ethan?”

He blurted his next words out before he gave any of his battling ideas a chance to win.

“I’ve got your test results.”

“Am I dying?” Chiara laughed, putting her hand on his bouncing knee to calm him down. After Ethan refused to look back at her, she sensed that something was indeed wrong. “Oh, I am dying, aren’t I?”

Chuckling, Ethan finally turned to look at her and kisser her temple. “You are not dying.”

“But?” Chiara raised her eyebrow while Ethan took the hand on his knee into his own, stroking Chiara’s knuckles softly with his thumb.

Taking a deep breath, he stuttered: “I… we… you are pregnant, Chiara.”

Chiara’s face grew paler than he’s ever seen it and there were big drops of cold sweat on her forehead. Ethan squeezed her hand to stop it from shaking, but with no success.

At last, Chiara let out a choked whisper.

“What kind of sick joke is this?”

For a second, Ethan almost felt offended by her accusation, as if she didn’t know him, as if she didn’t know that he would never joke about such a thing. Then, however, he recalled his own reaction when he found out just an hour and half before and could understand the Chiara’s one.

Instead of another word, Ethan reached down to grab his bag from the floor and pulled Chiara’s file out. Handing it to her, he made sure to point his finger at the row that indicated the elevated level of hCG in her blood.

Her eyes widened as she recognized what he was showing her and she gasped audibly, looking up at Ethan and down on her own file, back and forth until she found her lost voice.

“But… how? That’s impossible.”

“Nobody has ever said that it was impossible, only that your chances were extremely low, close to none.”

Chiara started to reminisce the last days, trying to connect the dots now that she knew the result.

The extreme fatigue, waves of nausea here and there, those could easily be read as literally anything else. She missed her period, but her cycle has never been regular, so she hardly considered it anyhow important, especially knowing that travelling has always made things even more irregular for her.

“Did you know?” she whispered as she turned to Ethan, who was staring at her intensively.

“I didn’t know. I became suspicious few days back, when you wouldn’t let me go anywhere near your chest,” he grinned. “Together with the exhaustion, the possibility of pregnancy found its way into my mind, but I didn’t even want to think about it, knowing how very unlikely it was. It was your disgust with the coffee today that made me almost sure that you were, in fact, pregnant.”

Chiara stared at the results again, not quite absorbing what they were saying. For almost six years, she believed she could never be pregnant.

“You need to see your gynecologist tomorrow, of course,” Ethan cut the silence again. “But as Dr. Ramsey, I can say for sure that you are pregnant.”

He scooped her into his arms so that she would sit on his lap and hugged her shocked form tightly. Chiara’s lips were still slightly parted and she was blinking just a little bit faster than usually as his words – and their new reality – sank in.

When it finally did, she wasn’t able to contain the emotions any longer.

First sob escaped her mouth, followed by another and so much more, accompanied by huge tears falling from her eyes.

Ethan gently pulled her head closer so that she was resting it against his chest and peppered her hair with soft kisses. Even though his share of tears has already been shed in a privacy of his office, feeling Chiara’s shaking body as she cried all those happy, surprised tears, he couldn’t help but cry along quietly with her.

“I am going to ruin your shirt,” Chiara mumbled against his white Oxford, noticing how her mascara stained it.

Ethan let out a quick laugh, his voice thick with emotions as he replied: “I couldn’t care less.”

After what could have been minutes or hours, they breaths steadied, however their positions haven’t changed at all.

They were both quiet for a long time and one could say that they were lost in their own thoughts when really, they were both lost in the very same thought.

Parents. They would become parents.

They talked about adoption on a regular basis at this point, both open to the idea that two or three years from now, they would go for it, that they would become parents to a kid that was left alone.

But those were talks about future. Hypothetical.

This was real. In less than a year, they would be parents to their very own newborn.

“Are you happy?” Chiara whispered, looking up at him with a gentle smile on her lips.

Ethan kissed her forehead before responding.

“I can’t imagine being happier.”

Biting her lower lip, Chiara asked again: “Are you also a little bit…scared? Because I am.”

Laughing loudly at the adorable confession, Ethan nodded: “God, I am terrified. Being a father, that brings so many possibilities to screw it up.”

Chiara cupped his cheeks and pulled him down for a kiss, their first real, deep kiss that day and as his tender lips moved over hers, she knew that there would be no better father for her child than Ethan Ramsey.

˜

One of the perks of being in her sixth month of pregnancy was the fact that her belly could easily serve as a tiny tea table. Right now, a large bowl of popcorn was sitting on her rounded torso as she was sitting on Bryce’s couch.

“The poor kid,” Bryce muttered as he noticed.

It was another Bryce & Chiara movies Wednesday, a habit that started even before Chiara and Ethan got together and carried on through the years.

With her third trimester slowly approaching, Chiara has been even more insistent on attending those, knowing that once she would give birth, they wouldn’t be able to watch a whole movie in one sitting.

“How is Ramsey? I haven’t seen him in the hospital this week,” Bryce asked as he put a glass of water in front of Chiara and played with a remote control to find the movie on Netflix.

“He’s busy with paperwork, so he mostly stays in his office these days,” Chiara explained. “Other than that, he has read two books about child’s development this week, so I guess everything’s as usual.”

Bryce laughed loudly and just before he pushed the ‘play’ button, he turned to Chiara: “Do you remember when you told me about not being able to have kids all those years ago?”

Chiara nodded, that day somehow still fresh in her mind.

“I told you back then, that you only had to find someone whose sperms will be stubborn enough to beat your own stubborn immune system, remember? Well, I was damn right,” he grinned smugly, earning a popcorn thrown into his head from Chiara.

On the other side of Boston, Ethan and Naveen just finished their meals and moved into the living room, glasses of scotch in their hands.

A comfortable silence accompanied them, their talks about work already finished.

Taking a few gulps of his drink, Ethan leaned into a couch with a soft smile on his lips.

“It’s going to be a girl,” he let out finally, his soft smile soon turning into a wide, happy one.

They only found out yesterday. Ever since beginning of the pregnancy, they couldn’t decide whether they wanted to know the gender of the baby or not. After long discussions – and Sienna’s suggestion that they should do a blood tests that would reveal the gender, give the results to her without looking at them so that she could organize a baby gender reveal party – they came to the agreement that they would only find out if the ultrasound would show it. And yesterday, in Chiara’s 25th week of pregnancy, the doctor informed them that their ‘princess’ is growing beautifully.

Neither Chiara nor Ethan wanted any kind of baby party organized – much to Sienna’s disappointment. This pregnancy – most likely the only one they would ever get to experience – has been such precious, sacred thing to them that they tried to keep everything as private as possible. They found joy in their bubble of emotions only two people who never believed would be this lucky could feel.

“A girl!” Naveen clasped his hands together and beamed even brighter than Ethan. “A granddaughter!”

Ethan nodded, the warmth in his chest expanding even more at Naveen’s words.

“Have you decided on a name yet?” he asked, his curious nature not letting him keep the question to himself.

Shaking his head this time, Ethan said: “Since the beginning, we’ve known that if it was a boy, he would be named Dorian after Chiara’s father. There have been some ideas about girls name, but nothing seemed right so far.”

The first idea they both had was Dolores. It came naturally to Ethan, knowing that she named her son after him and that his friend’s name deserved to be celebrated. Still, he didn’t want to be reminded of the tragedy every time he would talk to his daughter. Chiara has been very supportive about the name Dolores, knowing better than anyone what it felt like to want to name her child after someone important to her. But she never insisted. She could tell that simply thinking about Dolores Hudson made Ethan’s heart ache and she would never push the name on him.

“You seem lost in your thoughts,” Naveen commented. “Are you worried that your daughter will inherit your insufferable stubbornness?”

Ethan laughed at that, raising an eyebrow at his mentor and his friend.

“As if you didn’t know Chiara. The kid is going to be insufferably stubborn no matter who she takes after.”

The truth was, he did wish their daughter would take after Chiara. The idea of raising his own little self terrified him more than he would ever admit and on the other hand, the idea of having someone else as bright as Chiara in his life made his heart happy.

“Well, no matter who she takes after, it’s safe to say that she will be a strong girl,” Naveen smiled, raising his glass. “Beating all those odds and finding her way into your life, she is already a bigger rebel than any of us. She will be a warrior and a mighty one, I am telling you.”

˜

When Chiara returned home, she found Ethan deep in a research on his laptop.

He registered her presence only when she sat down next to him, taking a glance on the screen only to find yet another study about children.

“Hey,” he kissed her cheek and closed the laptop. “Did you have a good time?”

She laid down, putting her head into his lap. “The movie was terrible. I could feel my braincells leave my body. Other than that, yeah, it’s been great. Bryce is so excited about being an uncle to the ‘little queenie’. He said, to quote him, that he will make sure she sees him as an example of how gentlemen should treat their ladies, so that when she is dating she doesn’t settle for anything less than what she deserves.”

“That’s really… nice of him. Thoughtful,” Ethan nodded; however, his furrowed brows didn’t quite match the words. “I don’t think we need to talk about dating just yet, though.”

Of course he will be that kind of a father, Chiara thought, laughing.

“What were you reading about?” she decided to change the topic.

“Oh, I’ve been looking up baby carriers online and so I decided  to read some articles and studies about them.”

“Baby carriers, huh? I never took you for someone who would want that.”

Ethan shrugged, fighting the temptation to read her all those articles. Instead, he went with simply pointing some interesting information.

“It helps to build a healthy attachment between a child and their parent. You know, you are carrying her in your body for nine months, you have a possibility of breastfeeding, you two are naturally connected. As a father, I would like to… increase my chances of bonding with my child properly,” he swallowed harder that he wanted, hoping that Chiara didn’t notice just how nervous about this whole attachment thing he’s become.

He was so excited to meet their daughter, to hold her in his arms, it sometimes surprised even him.

But there was another part of him. The one that constantly doubted his ability to be a good father. For such a long time he didn’t believe that he could ever find himself in the role of a parent and he got used to the idea, no matter how painful. He used to remind himself that it would be for the best if he never had them, that as a man unworthy of his mother’s love, he wouldn’t know how to be the parent his children deserved.

Everything has changed with Chiara in his life and now he was about to become a father. And he was scared that it would be the one task he would fail. He tried his best to be prepared – reading books and studies and articles, watching videos on how to bath a newborn and taking notes about how many layers of clothing was suitable for various temperatures. He made arrangements with Naveen and his team so that everyone knew that he would be stepping down as a head of diagnostics once the baby is born, with Aurora becoming the director of the team.

For more than fifteen years, he’s been building his career and he’s been proud of what he achieved. But there was no feeling connected with his career that would make him as proud as the idea of being a decent father.

“According to these studies, the position they are in while in a carrier helps the newborns with their colics and also there are children that don’t like being in a stroller and the carrier helps them to fall asleep.”

Chiara nodded, noticing absolutely clearly how nervous and overwhelmed Ethan was. She also knew why, even though he would never share his concerns with her.

“I kind of believe that. When I was born, I was the perfect baby. You know, the kid that everyone envied when my parents talked about me. I slept most of the day and then the whole night, I never cried, I smiled at everyone. My parents would joke that sometimes they forgot they had me. And Liam was very similar from what I can remember – and what my mother told me. He was such a cutie and even if he couldn’t fall asleep or calm down, a little bit of bouncing in a stroller and he would be fine,” she laughed softly as she was reaching the end – and the point – of her monologue. “My parents were so proud. They always said that they could only create the good sleepers that never cry. Probably encouraged by the belief, they decided to have a third child and God, Alicia was such a difficult baby. She would always cry and never sleep. The only thing that calmed her down enough to sleep was when someone carried her in their arms and walked around the house – so that’s what my parents did. All the time. Sometimes, when they’ve gotten too tired or needed to do something, they would put her into my arms – let me remind you that I was seven – and I would be in charge of walking around the house. I bet they would appreciate the baby carrier back then.”

Ethan chuckled softly while stroking Chiara’s wild hair and after a while decided to tell her the real reason he even browsed the internet this evening.

“I might have found a name.”

After Naveen left, something he’s said resonated with Ethan.

‘She will be a warrior and a mighty one.’

Ethan never cared about meanings of names, he didn’t even know the meaning of his own name until this evening. And yet, despite his best principles, he decided to search girls names that meant warrior or ‘strong, mighty’.

And he found it.

Mighty in battle.

It clicked.

“What name do you have in mind?” Chiara asked.

“Matilda.”

Chiara didn’t even try to suppress her surprise, expecting anything but Matilda. What surprised her even more, she loved it on the first hearing. It indeed was the one.

“I have also thought about the name a little bit,” she admitted. “I found one that I would love to be a second name for her.”

Nodding, Ethan encouraged her to spill it.

“Nekane.”

“Nekane? I have never heard of it.”

“It would be surprising if you did,” Chiara smirked. “It’s the Basque form for Dolores. And you know, since now we know for sure that our daughter has been conceived in Spain, I think it would be rather fitting. It would still carry the honor of Dolores, just in a different form.”

Matilda Nekane Ramsey.

They both loved the sound of that.

It sounded like their daughter.

After sharing another silent moment full of love, peace and understanding, Chiara decided to go to bed and Ethan promised to follow her as soon as he’d finish the study.

 When Ethan stepped into their bedroom, Chiara was already asleep, lying on her right side. Climbing to the bed, he laid down on his left side so that he could face her. Suddenly, not knowing how the idea has gotten into him, he was shifting down slightly until he reached her round stomach.

Moving the fabric of her cotton shirt higher, he put his hand over her belly and did something he had never done before.

“Hello, Matilda,” he whispered nervously. “This is Ethan speaking. Your father. Or your dad, as you will probably call me. We have never really talked before but the annoying knocking you hear sometimes, that’s me stroking your mom’s bump.”

He paused for a while, composing his thoughts.

“I am sincerely scared about how this whole father thing is going to work for me, but I promise you as I am trying and I will by trying for the rest of my life. I have done a lot of bad things in my life, Matilda and I can’t take them back. They are part of who I am. But looking at your mother and thinking about you makes me realize that both of you are part of who I am too. And I don’t know in which point of my life the universe decided that I have shared enough kindness to earn your presence but I must have done something right to deserve you in my life, right?”

Kissing the skin of Chiara’s stomach, he added: “I just really hope you inherit your mother’s patience and kindness so that you will forgive me every time I fuck things up.”

Biting his lip, he grinned to himself before saying one last thing to his Matilda.

“Please don’t tell your mom I said ‘fuck’, she would be furious.”

 *** *** ***

1) as someone who is mother herself, I realize that topics of pregnancy, infertility issues, children in general are extremely sensitive - in this particular fanfiction, Chiara has gotten pregnant against the odds while on vacation. PLEASE note that I, by no means, am trying to say that if you are suffering from fertility issues, taking a vacation/reducing stress/changing the environment would definitely help you. There are some cases /that I know of/ in which it did help, however I would never dare to say that it’s the solution. I just need to make sure that I acknowledge how difficult and sensitive the topic is.

2) I really, really wanted to write a pregnancy fic, I had this idea in my head for very, very long time. However, I also absolutely love the idea of Ethan and Chiara adopting a child (I think especially Ethan would be fond of it, since he knows what it feels like to grow up without a parent) and so here is a little HC for after this story - Matilda is indeed the ‘miracle’ and their only biological child and when she is around six years old, Ethan and Chiara decide to adopt ophraned twin girls Luna and Siria. Purposefully girls, because I can see Ethan not trusting women after his mother leaves him and feeling like no woman could ever love him truly and boom suddenly there are four women in his life that love him more than life itself and he is proven wrong every day.

3) the story about the name Matilda is so funny/tragic that I have to write about it - I love the name, always loved and believed that I would name my daughter Matilda one day. My man hates the name so it’s off the table and I always knew that little Ramsey would be named Matilda to pursue my dream at least fictionally. When I was looking for some photos at David Gandy’s IG, I found out that his very own daughter is named Matilda. Whoa. Then, I was on a search for a faceclaim for Chiara and boom - the girl is named Matilda. Ooops. And only when this fic was finished and I googled the name Matilda for some reason, I found out that there is kinda popular person named Matilda Ramsay and I was just like okay screw this. But I couldn’t bring myself to change the name, so here it is. Sorry not sorry.

Taglist: @takemyopenheart @maurine07 @senseofduties @mercury84choices @flightlessbirdiee @udishaman @honeyandsunfl0wers @ohchoices @adrex04 @queencarb @archxxronrookie @choicesfan10 @whatchique @drariellevalentine @gryffindordaughterofathena @mvalentine @doilooklikeiknow @custaroonie @secretwolfdreamertree @jamespotterthefirst

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

Hi! I hope you’re having a great day. I’d like to make a request please. Can I please request a scenario with Seungmin from Stray Kids where his gf has arthritis but hides it from him so he doesn’t worry? And he comes home one day to find her crying from the pain and she tells him everything and he helps her feel better and takes care of her? I would really appreciate it. Thank you in advance!

Ooohh this idea is cute. I hope you enjoy!

Hiding Your Problems | Kim Seungmin

{Stray Kids Masterlist}

Member(s): Kim Seungmin

Genre: fluff

Summary: The pain of your arthritis becomes too much to hide, but of course Seungmin is right there to comfort you.

Word Count: 1.7k

*reader is female

You always were someone who hated troubling others with your problems. After having the thought for years that asking for help would become annoying, you developed the unhealthy habit of keeping your problems to yourself and battling them alone.

Although, Seungmin knew of this habit of yours, and has tried many times to break you out of it, always reassuring you that you could never be a burden on him and if something was really troubling you, it is best to let him know about it.

But hearing him try so desperately to help you did nothing but make you much more guilty about keeping things from him. You began to believe that if he found out you were hiding anything from him, he would be mad.

A few months into dating, you began to feel burning in your wrist joint which became worse by the day. You let Seungmin know briefly, but you both shook it off as just a pulled muscle from typing or picking heavy things up.

Although, it began to affect your performance in a lot of things. You sometimes weren’t able to finish your work because using your arm to type put too much of a strain on your damaged wrist.

You didn’t want it to become even worse than it already was, so you booked a doctors appointment on the phone and went to get it checked, hoping that it wasn’t anything too serious and just muscle strain, like what you and Seungmin suspected.

Unfortunately you came back home with bad news. The doctor said you had developed arthritis in your right wrist joint, having lost some cartilage to assist protecting the joint, making simple tasks become painful.

You knew you should’ve told Seungmin, but being the person you were, obviously you hid it from him. You hid your pain reliefs in a small cabinet under the sink, knowing that he wouldn’t look there. And if he were to find it, you would just brush them off as medicine for headaches.

On a particular day, while Seungmin was out with Minho buying lunch with him, you spent the day at home potting some plants that you bought with Seungmin the day before. You wanted to make sure that they were placed into a sunny and clean place quickly so they didn’t wither or lose leaves.

You were excited about the plants. Seungmin bought you a wonderful baby strawberry seedling that would soon grow into a big green bush with lots of strawberries. You’ve always wanted to have your own vegetable / fruit garden, so you wished to plant the bush as soon as possible so you could watch the red fruits grow over time.

While you were doing so, you noticed the pain in your wrist become more and more prominent as you continued. You tried your best to focus on planting and not worry about it, but soon the pain became too much and you had to go take some pain relief medicine from the cupboard.

You sat on the couch and cradled your wrist for twenty minutes, but it became obvious that the pain relief wasn’t working. The burning sensation worsened and you couldn’t move your wrist at all, beginning to panic a bit.

Tears started to fill your eyes, and you let out a small painful sob. “Stupid medicine, why aren’t you working?” you sniffled out.

You sat on the couch for another ten minutes. Your wrist eventually did start to ease up on the pain, but you could tell it would be a while before it would be okay to start planting again. You were deciding whether you should keep planting or not, but you didn’t want to leave the mess for Seungmin to clean when he got home, so you would’ve had to put strain on your wrist again regardless.

A few more lone tears ran down your face, leaving stains in their path. You felt quite pathetic actually. You couldn’t even do things you enjoyed anymore without being in pain.

You spun your head around quickly when the familiar sound of keys jiggling in the front door hit your ears. You brought your healthy arm up to your face and began to quickly wipe your tears away. You didn’t want Seungmin to see you in pain, it would make him worry about you. Or worse, you didn’t want him to know that you’ve been hiding your arthritis from him.

“Baby! I’m home!” he called out into the house excitedly. “I had a fun day with Minho! I wanna tell you about it!”

Dammit. Of course he was in a good mood. Your situation would only ruin his happy day.

You hung your head low and kept your wrist close to your chest as you saw Seungmin round the corner to the lounge room. He saw you sitting on the couch and his eyes lit up.

“Oh there you are! Why weren’t you answering me Y/N?” he asked with a smile on his face. He made his way over and his smile shifted into a frown as he saw you weren’t looking at him.

“Hey, are you okay? Why aren’t you looking at me?” Seungmin kneeled down next to the couch to try and look at your face.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry I didn’t hear you before.” you choked out, voice cracking a little bit. Well that gave your crying away. You pulled your head up and brushed your hair back out of your face. You hoped that the tear stains on your face had disappeared.

But according to Seungmin’s worried expression, they obviously weren’t. “Wait, why are you crying? What’s going on?” he murmured worryingly. He cupped your face with both his hands and rubbed his thumbs under your eyes, wiping away any stray tears. His eyes darted between yours, waiting for an answer.

“Minnie, I’m fine.” you insisted. “I’m just not feeling too well so my eyes are watery.”

He didn’t buy it. He glanced down at your aching wrist and saw you holding it against your chest carefully.

“What’s wrong with your hand?” he asked, taking his hands off your face and reaching to hold your hand. You flinched as he grabbed your sore wrist a little too roughly. He froze and looked at you.

“Babygirl, what did you do to your hand? Is it sore?”

You thought for a second before letting out a smaller sob and tears breached your eye sockets once again. Seungmin looked shocked and let go of your wrist, placing his hand on the back of your head and pulled you so your head was laying on his shoulder.

“No baby don’t cry. What’s happened? Do you want to go to the hospital?” he asked in a scared tone. He was afraid you had sprained your arm or hand somehow.

You shook your head no against him and continued to cry. “Sorry, Seungmin. I went to the doctors a while ago and they diagnosed me with arthritis.” you whimpered out, pushing your face into his neck.

Seungmin rubbed your back soothingly. “Oh baby, why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped you out. How long have you been like this?”

“A couple of weeks, but today it got really bad because I was trying to plant that strawberry seedling that you bought me. I didn’t stop when it got worse and then it just became a bit unbearable. My medicine also stopped working and-” you struggled on your words as you continued to cry from both the burning sensation in your wrist and the fear of worrying Seungmin. He shushed you and rocked you back and forth like a baby.

“Shh it’s okay. Please just tell me these things in the future though, because I want to take care of you. You could never be a burden on me, I’ve let you know that many times.” He pulled back from the hug and held your face again.

“I love you so much, and I want to take care of my baby,” he said smiling.

You smiled back at him and leaned in to give him a sweet kiss on his pink lips.

“Thanks so much love, I love you too,” you whispered.

When your tears were wiped away and you calmed down from crying, Seungmin stood up to grab your pain relief. The burning in your wrist had almost faded and you insisted that you could just wait it out, but Seungmin insisted that you took another tablet to at least assist with defeating the pain.

You tried to ask Seungmin about his day with Minho, knowing that he was excited to tell you about it, but Seungmin denied and said that he wanted to focus on your right now, because you were his priority.

He helped you finish planting the strawberry seedling and the few other plants you had bought together, making sure you don’t do too much work so you don’t make your wrist bad again.

After that, you both laid down on your shared bed, ready to take a short afternoon nap together.

“Baby, you know that it’s only going to get worse. My other joints are gonna start hurting and things might be a bit more difficult for me.” you murmured to him, face tucked into his hoodie covered chest.

“Oh my god, Y/N! Stop it!” he exclaimed, giggling. You looked up at his face with shock.

“How many times do I have to say it! You. Aren’t. A. Burden.” he said while poking your nose at each pause. “You could never annoy me, I absolutely love taking care of you because you’re so cute and I love you. If there’s anything you could do for me, it is to let me pamper you more often.”

A grin creeped onto your face as you laughed at him. To be honest, it felt so much better having Seungmin know about your arthritis because now you didn’t have to deal with the stress of hiding it from him.

“You’re so cute you know that? I’m so lucky to have you as a boyfriend.” you said, snuggling back into his chest.

“Oh, you’re so cheesy.” he laughed, tickling your tummy making you squirm.

You both fell asleep against each other, wrapped in each other’s arms so tightly that nothing in the world could ever separate you two.

I hope you enjoyed anon!

[klaumiel]

You are all I’ve got,Austin.//Chapter 10: Mother Karma

I felt a sharp pain before landing on the ground. My neck was bleeding, Bennie’s knife was so close to my skin that even though I managed to release myself from him, he still cut me.

At first, I thought it was just a small scratch, so my eyes landed on Austin who’s fists continuously crushed Bennie’s face. Austin’s face was terrifying full of hate and fury; he completely lost control of himself. A small part of me was scared of him in this form, was this Austin from the past? Is that who he was? He talked about this so many times, how he had to fight with himself, how horrible he felt every time he had. to hurt someone.

I called his name a few times, but he didn’t listen just kept throwing punches one after another, like in the trans. For a moment I thought he would kill Bennie, there was no way he could survive this. Everything was happening so fast, but at the same time felt like forever.

Suddenly I saw Bennie reaching for his knife, that was not far from his arm when I was about to get up, I felt a metallic taste in my mouth, and in a split of a second I started to choke, I couldn’t catch my breath. I pressed my hand on my neck, desperately trying to stop the bleeding.

Austin looked at me; his eyes were filled with tears; I tried to warn him, but I couldn’t make a sound until it was too late. Bennie thrust his knife right into Austin’s chest; I was too weak to get up, too weak to scream or even cry. I felt hopeless, watching him collapsing on the ground hurt more than anything. I heard him yelling my name, but I couldn’t do anything. I watched my boyfriend bleed, and there was nothing I could do.

I saw two guys taking Bennie, dragging him away, he yelled to finish us off, but police sirens stopped them from it, I saw them running away before everything went dark.

----

I woke up hearing familiar voices. I opened my eyes and saw my Dad’s face, smiling. Everything felt like a dream, faded.

‘Maya, sweetie’ I heard him say.

I looked around I was laying on the hospital bed, surrounded by familiar faces, Shaun, and Dad. I tried to move my head, but sharp pain followed, and then everything came back to me.

‘Where am I?’ I asked, barely making a sound, I cleared my throat and tried again, this time more successfully ‘Where am I?’ I knew exactly where I was, but I needed that confirmation. I needed to know if I’m awake or this is just a dream.

‘Sweetie, you are in the hospital. Thank god you are awake, we were losing our minds… Don’t force yourself … Shaun, go to get the doctor.’ My Dad said, holding my hand.

‘Where is Austin?’ I shifted nervously looking around. I had no idea if he was even alive. I passed away right after Bennie’s escape, and he was badly wounded’ Please tell me he is OK… Dad, where is he ?’ I panicked, my eyes filled with tears by the thought that he didn’t make it. Please don’t tell me he is dead!

‘Shh... Hey!... calm down. He is here, few rooms away.’ He said, trying to calm me down, but his face was serious, I knew that look. That wasn’t very reassuring.

‘How is he? Is he awake?’

‘I don’t know the details; your Mum spends a lot of time with him. She told me he is fine, but doctors can’t say much until he is awake. You were a bit luckier than him’ He said, stroking my cheek. I knew he isn’t telling me the whole truth.

‘How long we’ve been here?’

‘Six days’ He said ‘ but that doesn't matter, you are OK, and that’s all it matters.’

‘What about Bennie? Please tell me they found him, he couldn’t go far.’

‘No sweetie, they didn’t fund him. Police are looking for him; he seemed to vanish.’

‘What you mean, vanish!? In a puff of smoke!? He is a person, not a wizard! I saw the police arriving when he was escaping Dad!... he couldn't go far. He needed medical assistance, did they checked hospitals? What about his old house?’ I felt anger build inside me. ‘ How did he even managed to escape the prison!?’

‘One of the guards helped him for a reasonable sum of money, and few others were covering his ass…they will find him, Maya. Stop worrying now; they know what they are doing.’

I doubt that very much.

At that moment, I saw a doctor coming into the room with a nurse. Alex was a young and handsome doctor; he looked after me after my accident. Also, we had a history of short but very steamy romance back from the Uni times. After my accident, we met a few times for how they called it – Netflix and chill, but after a few dates, we called it a day as our relations were strictly physical. We decided to be friends, and while we were single friends with benefits. Last time we saw each other was a few months ago just before I met Austin.

‘And who we have here? Maya Clark decided to wake up finally. You do like to keep us waiting, huh?’  He smiled coming closer; the nurse started to remove the bandages from my neck. ‘ We did our best to stitch you up nicely, wasn’t a deep cut, but very messy. It was mostly superficial, but there was small damage to the carotid artery and jugular vein, where the substantial bleeding came from. You will be fine. You will be able to go back home in a few days.’ He said, looking at the cut, he brushed his fingers on my neck shooting me a glance, I knew he still had hots for me, unfortunately for him, from my side, there was none left ‘Is starting to heal nicely.’ He smiled, touching my neck for a little bit too long.

‘And what is Austin’s situation? Will he be alright? … but Alex, be honest, please’ I looked him in the eyes.

‘Well, that’s a bit more complicated. Austin’s wound was deep, causing severe internal damage. The knife missed the heart but didn’t spare the lungs; we managed to patch him up, but the internal bleeding did more damage than we thought. So far he is functioning well, but we need to wait for him to wake up to have a full diagnose… I am optimistic; he is very strong.’ He said, rubbing my arm reassuringly.

‘What you mean by more damage?’

‘So far, all his organs are functioning correctly, and we are monitoring it, but I will be honest with you Maya, the possibility of coma is strong. The fact that he didn’t wake up yet points to it, but we are giving him another few days to be sure’ Alex said

‘Coma!?... No, no… I need to see him now!’ I said starting to get up but suddenly felt dizzy and fell back on the bed.

‘Easy there … Not yet, you should be resting. We will have you checked today, and we will see tomorrow, I will keep you updated on him, I promise’  He said with a smile, helping me lay down.

‘Alex please, I need to see him now... do you want me to beg?’ I said. He knew that if he didn’t help me, I would go one way or another.

‘Ok…I will have a nurse to take you there in few. I need to check on him anyway so I can keep an eye on you as well’ He smiled

‘Thank you Alex’ I said

‘It will sound bad, but I didn’t want to see you here again so soon. You two were very lucky; few more minutes could’ve been too late.’  he said and walked off the room.

My mum stormed into the room, wearing sweat pants and hoody, she looked so tired, her hair was messy, no make-up. She smiled when she saw me.

‘Maya, sweetie’ she cried and wrapped her arms around me ‘ you give us a proper scare’ she said, kissing my forehead ’how are you feeling, love?’

‘I’m good Mum, my neck is a little bit sore, but Alex said it would heal well’ I smiled

‘You have no idea how we were all worried about you two. Shaun called us when we were at the airport, waiting for our flight to Paris. He said you would be fine, but Austin… ‘ she stopped and looked at me, her face was full of worry.

‘Mum?’

‘You should go to him, Alex said that he could hear everything, maybe if he will hear you he will get better.’ she said ‘I’m sure he is sick of hearing my voice’ she laughed.

‘Maya...’ Alex’s head pop through the door ‘ Ready?’ he asked.

I nodded, the nurse brought the wheelchair and helped me sit, a few moments later, we entered the room.

‘I will leave you here for a moment; I just need to check on him.’ He said. Austin’s chest was wrapped in bandages; I was so glad to see him in one piece.

‘He’s heartbeat is slow, that’s not a good sign.’  I heard Alex whispering to the nurse; he saw me staring and turned away and said something to her; she walked off the room.

‘Alex… should I be worried?’ I asked.

‘No Maya, everything is ok’ he give me a reassuring smile.

I turned to Austin, grabbed his hand gently in both of my hands ‘My mum told me that he could hear us? Is that correct?’ I asked.

He nodded, I pushed myself up from the chair and brought my face close to his, I kissed his temple still holding his hand ‘Austin… honey… I’m here’ I whispered to his ear ‘ don’t you dare to leave me, you hear me? I need you to wake up.’ I heard the cardiac monitor beeping faster. I turned my head to Alex and smiled; he smiled back.

I’ve put my hand on Austin’s chest gently rubbing his skin ‘Come back to me.’ I whispered.

‘Whatever you are doing is working’ Alex said, stopping the nurse from injecting some medication to Austin‘ Rose, I don’t think we will need that, for now.’ he smiled.

‘Can you move me to this room?’ I asked, looking at Alex.

‘If that will make you rest, I will have that arranged … you are still weak, and I know how annoyingly stubborn you are, if I don’t agree to that I will never see you in your bed resting, but I trust you know what you are doing’ he said.

‘Thank you, Alex.’

‘Before I leave, there was a guy, he came here a few times asking to visit, but we didn’t let him in. I asked your parents, but they didn’t know him, Skylar Quinn? Sounds familiar? black hair, blue eyes, looks pretty young.’

‘Yes, he is a friend’ I smiled ‘ I will text him and tell him to come over.’

‘Great, I will pass that to the reception.’

The same night my bed has been moved to Austin’s room next to him. I knew that me being close to him will help in his recovery. My parents finally went home to get some rest

I texted Skylar letting him know we are okay and that I need to talk to him urgently.

I needed Skylar’s help; I knew that police wouldn’t find Bennie and I had to do it myself, for our own sake, so we could finally have some peace.

This had to end, Bennie being around had to end. After that event something in me broke, I felt pure hate and rage every time I thought of Bennie. It wasn’t just about what happened that night; it had more to do with Austin’s mother, his face when Bennie mentioned her was so full of pain and sadness, I knew deep down that this bastard had something to do with it, and I had to know what exactly happened.

I decided to relax and buried my mind into the Outlander, checking every now and then on Austin. The room was utterly silent; I could hear only beeping of the machines. I was deep into my book when I heard a quiet gasp, I turned my head and put my book down, Austin’s eyes were openly looking right at me.

‘Baby’ he said quietly. I jumped off my bed and sat next to him, grabbing his hand. I smiled wildly; I was so happy to see him awake.

‘Careful, love.’ I said when he started to move around, trying to get up. ‘Don’t move; I will call the doctor.’ I said, pressing the button on the side of the bed and smiled, I turned my head back to him and rubbed his face with my hand.

‘I’m so happy to see you alive Maya’ he said quietly ‘I thought I’d lost you.’ His voice was soft and warm.

‘I’m stronger than you think’ I smiled, happy tears falling down my face ‘But we are both fine, and that’s what matters now.’ He moved my hand from his cheek to his lips and kissed.

‘I love you so much baby, I felt like the world shattered in a million pieces when I saw you there.’ I saw a single tear falling on his cheek.

‘I love you too. And I’m fine.’ I smiled

‘Did they catch Bennie?’ he asked.

I tried to keep my face straight, but he knew, he could read me right through.

‘Austin…let’s see what the doctor says first and then I will tell you ok? You are too weak yet; you should rest.’ I said, knowing that wasn’t convincing at all.

‘Maya… please, tell me. I need to know.’

I took a deep breath ‘He escaped…but police are looking for him, they are close’ I said trying to calm him down.

He didn’t say anything, but I saw the anger in his eyes, the same anger I saw that night.

‘Welcome back’ Alex smiled ‘Is good to see you finally with us…Maya could you give us a minute, Alex asked smiling touching my hand, the way he definitely shouldn’t  I pulled it away quickly. What the hell was that about?!

I kissed Austin gently on the lips, grabbed my phone and walked out the room.

I called my parents to tell them that he woke up. Mum wanted to come over right away, but I told her that he needs to rest, after all, it was the middle of the night.

I sat in the corridor deep in my thoughts, completely lost the feeling of time. Something was bothering me; something I had in my head ever since I woke up. Austin’s face, when Bennie mentioned his mother, did he really watched her die? Is this his last memory of her? And what Bennie had to do with it? I knew she died when he was only a kid and that he didn’t remember her for a long time, but what exactly happened? All those questions in my head, I needed to know the whole story, soon. I needed to decide on what to do. Next, I couldn’t just let it go. I found Bennie before, I could find him again.

I felt tapping on my shoulder; I looked up, it was Alex. He sat next to me and smiled.

‘Everything is on order; he is like newborn, we will need to keep an eye on him for at least one more week to make sure everything is healing nicely, but I don’t see any complications. Everything is absolutely fine Maya.’

‘You have no idea how glad I am to hear that, thank you.’ I smiled and hugged him.

‘Couple of days.’ he said, getting up.

I went back to the room, Austin was sitting on the bed, smiling.

‘They unplugged me.’ he laughed and extended his arm to me ‘Come here you.’

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close; he pressed his head on my chest. I kissed the top his head burring my fingers in his hair. He held me tight, rubbing my back. He looked up and pulled my chin gently to him, I cupped his face and kissed him deeply; everything around stopped to exist; it was just us. The kiss was different from any others, stronger, more intimate, but not in a sexual way. There was something different, like a magical dose of happiness spreading through my whole body. Austin pulled away looked in my eyes.

‘I’m sorry baby’ he said.

‘What for?’ I was a bit confused.

‘I failed you … I promised I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you, I should’ve reacted sooner… but the feeling of him having full control… the fear of losing you completely took control over me.’

‘Austin, stop it! Don’t even go there … there was nothing you could do, we are alive. That’s the most important; you didn’t fail me, you are still here, you didn’t give up.’ I said, rubbing his face.

‘I should've protected you better.’ he looked down.

I pulled his face up ‘You protected me the best you could… for god sake, you nearly died, Austin, how can you talk about failure? You would’ve failed me if you died… leaving me alone … that would’ve been a failure. Because guess what smart ass, I would die without you, do you understand?!’  I said with a serious face.  How can he even think like this?

‘Bennie is going to pay for this, for everything he did. I will make him pay for this.’ He said with anger. I felt like it was time for him to tell me what I needed to know before he does anything stupid and irrational.  Like what I planned to do? Such a hypocrite Maya!

We laid together on his bed wrapped in each other, enjoying the silence. I decided it is time to start “that” conversation.

‘I had so many dreams in the last few days. I didn’t know if I am alive or dead, but the dreams were so real, none of them made any sense. Did you dream about anything?’ I asked, tracing his chest gently with my finger.

‘I did, about many things. Mostly about you, all of our happy moments, about prison and my childhood, but there was one thing that kept repeating.’ He said but didn’t continue; he looked into the distance, his face was sad and full of pain.

‘What was it? I asked, looking at him.

‘My mother, she was wearing the same clothes when I last saw her, she stood in the middle of our old garden, smiling, she kept repeating my name and my pop’s name like she was calling us, then I heard a gunshot, and she was gone. It was a brief moment, but for some reason, I felt weird like happy to see her but also scared, the same way when she died the same type of fear. ’ He said, still looking at the distance. I grabbed his hand; he turned his head towards me and looked at me. ‘ What is wrong? Tell me, I can feel you want to tell me something, but you are holding back.’

‘Well, I dreamt about many things as well, but mostly Bennie, his voice that night, when he spoke about your mother. Just the pieces of the whole situation with his voice, what he said and how he said it. Also your face at that moment, honey, what happened to her? You never told me…, and I have this horrible feeling that Bennie had something to do with this.’

He once again looked away, for a moment didn’t say anything. I let him take his time; I knew he wanted to tell me. After a couple of minutes, he took a deep breath and held my hand tighter, still looking away.

‘I was eight years old when that happened. Bennie was already a teenager; he was old enough to be involved in the business with pop. He was always jealous of me because pop treated me better; after all, I was younger and less problematic. His mother was a drug addict; she died when he was no more than two. Pop decided to move on and met my mother; she was an average person, a nurse, with a golden heart and face like an angel. Pop told me that it was difficult for her to get into his lifestyle, but everything changed when I was born. She raised Bennie like his own son, at least she tried. She treated us equally no matter which one of us was at fault she punished us equally, but he hated her for some reason, and he hated me more than anything. He made my life difficult every chance he got; Pop didn’t have time to discipline him he wasn’t home very often, so we were left with mum, I know she loved him, she was a good person, she never hated anyone… She always said that nobody is perfect, but everyone can be fixed …One day she went to chop shop to talk to pop, but she saw something that she shouldn’t, few guys from the other gang tried to rob my Pop’s shop, she saw their faces but managed to escape home, not for long. A few days later we were home, waiting for Pop to come back when they showed up, I don’t remember in detail what happened but… they questioned her first and even though she said she wouldn’t say a word to anyone about what she saw, they slit her throat in front of my eyes, only because she saw them, she had no idea who they were and what they were doing there. Only years later, I’ve learned that Bennie was the one who told them who she was, he also told them that she worked with pop, which was a lie…they killed her because of him, Maya, he hated her and found the way to get rid of her, and hurt me in one go, after everything, she’s done for him …’Austin’s eyes filled with tears, which he quickly tried to wipe. He turned his had to me and looked at me ‘ He took everything from me, exactly the way he always said he would. Mum, Pop, my freedom, and he tried to take you.’ He rubbed my cheek with his thumb wiping my tears.

My heart dropped, the pain I saw in his eyes was heartbreaking.

‘I’m so sorry, baby; I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt, and how you feel right now. But know this… You have me, and I love you. That will never change.’ I said, pulling myself up and wrapping my arms around his neck.

‘You are all I’ve got, Maya. All I care about.’ He said, burying his face in my neck, I felt him crying, he tried to hide it, but I squeezed him tight and rubbed his back; he relaxed and finally let it go, the hate, the rage, the pain everything built through the years. Hear him cry broke my heart; I knew that I was the first and the last person to hear this story from him.

I realised that I never hated anyone as much I hated Bennie, I never wished anyone death before, but at this moment I wanted him to die in pain, with whole this pain that Austin felt.

We talked for hours, he told me about his mother's good memories, all the happy things he remembered.

I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night; I was busy planning my next move.

‘There you are lovebirds… I walked past this room at least three times’ I heard a familiar voice in the room, I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn’t hear anyone entering, I’ve put my book down and saw Skylar hanging his jacket on the chair.

‘Skylar!’ I got out of bed and hugged him. ’So good to see you’ I smiled.

‘How are you doing you, bastard? You gave me a proper scare; I thought for a moment that you were gone, but ambulance came just in time.’ he said, looking at Austin.

‘I’m tougher than I look. ’Austin smiled.

‘How come you were there?’ I asked.

‘I followed Bennie’s thugs; I arrived seconds after they escaped with him.’ I saw Austin’s jaw clench.

‘Let’s go to get coffee; Alex said you couldn’t stress.’ I said, rubbed Austin’s arm and whispered in his ear ‘I will be back to you in just a moment, I love you.’ I kissed him, stroking his hair gently.

‘Bring me coffee, ok?’ He smiled.

‘I will be back soon, mate, ladies first.’ Skylar laughed

I took Skylar to the cafeteria; we sat far from others. I didn’t want anyone to overhear what had to tell him. We ordered coffee, and I cut to the point.

‘I have a plan… but not a word about this to Austin ok?’  Skylar raised his brow and leaned closer. I knew he would be interested. ’Will you help me?’ I asked

‘I will’ he smiled

‘I need to find Bennie; the police is useless’ I said, he rolled his eyes laughing.

‘Yeah, no shit Sherlock … you are lucky because I know exactly where he is’ he smiled and sat back in his chair sipping his coffee.

‘How come?’ I asked, surprised.

‘I told you before; I followed one of his thugs. Right after the ambulance took you two, I went after them. My friend Seth hacked this idiot’s phone and installed a tracker; he never leaves Bennie’s side so wherever he is, Bennie is close’ He said showing me the app on his phone with Bennie’s location.

‘Can this information be wiped? Can anyone find out that this guy’s phone is tracked?’ I asked he looked at me trying to figure out what am I talking about.

‘Well yes, once Seth disables the tracker, there will be no sign of it… Maya, why do you need to know this? What the fuck are you planning?’

‘Do you trust him?’

‘Yes, we helped each other a few times; he is a great hacker. He hacks everything and does what he wants with it.’ He had no idea how valuable that information was for me.

‘Great, we will need him… I need you to keep tracking Bennie. I will be out of the hospital in two days. I need you to be ready the same evening.’ I said

‘Maya, what the fuck are you planning? And why I have a feeling this is something crazy?’

‘We are going to pay Bennie a visit … and finish it once and for all.’ I said, making sure nobody is listening.

‘Elaborate … I don’t think I understand this correctly, what you mean by the ‘’finish it’’?’ Skylar looked a bit worried.

‘Bennie won’t stop hunting us, even if he goes back to prison, he won’t stop. He has people working for him, but they are loyal because he pays them. Austin told me all about the whole gang business; everything will stop once Bennie is gone, and I want to make this happen. Also, there is something else, but I don’t want to talk about this right now.’

‘You are going to turn him in?’ He knew exactly what I mean, but he tried to make sure we are talking about the same thing.

‘No’ I said looking Skylar in the eyes, he understood ‘ How many thugs are with him?’

‘Two, he keeps a low profile …Maya this is crazy you know that right?’

‘I know, but that’s the only way. I need Austin to have some peace… Skylar I nearly lost him, and that’s not the first time. Bennie is responsible for so much pain in his life; he killed his father, was the main reason for this mother’s death, and tried to kill me. If this is not a good reason to finish him, I don’t know what is. If I don’t do it, Austin will, and I can’t allow it, that’s why I need to you stay quiet, don’t tell him anything until it is done.’ I said in a quiet voice.

‘Are you sure about this? I am not the best bodyguard, you know?’ He laughed

‘Darling, my father is a first rank Capitan, me and Shaun had self-defence classes since we were toddlers, with a good plan this will be easy. Plus Shaun will be there as well you just need to make sure that your friend Seth takes care of all the cameras around the area for at least two hours.’

‘You have it all planned out … you cheeky...’ he laughed

‘You underestimated me, Skylar Quinn.’ I laughed back

‘You know that Austin will be furious when he finds out, we are talking about real shit here, Maya. One mistake and we are all going to jail.’

‘So we need to make sure we don’t make any mistakes.’ I said confidently ‘ Skylar. I nearly died there. I have to take that chance; Bennie doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as we are. So, are you in or not?’

‘Yes, I’m in.’ he said ‘ I will sort everything out with Seth and come back to you as soon as I have the full confirmation, let’s just hope Bennie will stay in place for two days’ Skylar said looking at his phone.

We went back to the room; Skylar stayed for a bit longer, talking to Austin.

I knew that deep inside; he was excited about our little plan. He was a man of adrenaline and risk after all.

Two days later, I was released home in the morning. Skylar already confirmed that his friend Seth is waiting for our signal.

‘Is Shaun coming to pick you up?’ Austin asked, sitting on the bed, watching me gather all my stuff.

‘Yes, he is already waiting in the car.’ I said, sitting next to him. ‘I will come tomorrow, pop into Cinnaholic and grab you something, huh? What do you fancy?.’ I asked.

‘Oh you know how much I love the Caramel Apple Pie, you can get the Cookie Monster as well… shit you give me a taste now, baby. I might need to pop into the cafe to satisfy my needs.’ He laughed ‘But remember, don’t forget the fork this time.’

I rolled my eyes ‘ You mean the fork you never use?.’ I said

‘Ha. Ha… it’s for you silly, I am a trained professional I don’t need a fork. ‘He said, smiling.

‘Right, trained professional, maybe you should make videos and post it online, maybe you will get them for free if you get enough followers, and you will have some hot chicks thirsting and watching your face getting covered in icing.’ I laughed.

‘Maybe I should, you convince me with the hot chicks.’ He smiled, I pushed him when he started to laugh ‘You should see your face.’ he cracked laughing

‘Not funny Austin Russo, not funny at all.’ I said

‘Baby, you know that the only hot chick I care about is you.’ He said, pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me. ‘What’s wrong? You seem concerned about something … talk to me.’ Shit, did he noticed? Poker face Maya, focus, he can’t suspect anything.

‘No, I’m fine, just the thought of sleeping alone tonight makes me sad.’ I said the first thing that came to my mind, hoping he will believe it.

‘Alex said they are waiting for some results and I will be good to go. Hopefully, not too long.’ He smiled and kissed me; my phone kept ringing when we kissed.

‘I should go, Shaun is getting impatient. I love you, boo.’ I said talking my bag and placed a small kiss on his lips.

‘I love you too … don’t forget the fork.’ He laughed when I walked out.

I sat in Shaun’s car; my mind was already focused on one task.

‘Do you have everything?’ I asked

‘Yes, I can’t believe you kept all this Luke’s stuff…We don’t have much time to get ready. I will ask you one last time Maya… are you hundred per cent sure you want to do this? There as so many ways this could go wrong.’ Shaun said, squeezing the steering wheel.

‘Shaun, we have everything planned, we just need to focus and stick to the plan.’ I said, trying to sound confident, but the more I thought about this, the less optimistic I was.

‘Are you sure those drugs are still good? It’s been a while.’

‘Yes, I checked. This shit never expires.’

‘Ok, I trust you sister. If this is what you want, I will support you, but I think you should warn Austin, just if anything gets tits up.’

‘Everything will be fine, I don’t want to worry him, plus he would never agree to this.’

We arrived home; I took a shower to clear my mind. I’ve put the most suitable clothes: skinny black jeans, a black shirt and camp boots. I’ve put my hair in the high ponytail. I zipped my leather jacket and looked in the mirror, taking a deep breath and correcting my leather gloves. I checked my pockets and boots for the hidden knives and opened walked to my spare room.

In the corner of the room right behind some of my paintings was a small chest of drawers, my hands were shaking, I didn’t open this drawer since Luke died, all his stuff was there, but I was after only one thing. I moved aside neatly folded shirts and grabbed the gun; we had only three bullets, enough to finish the job.

My heart pounded in my chest. I looked at the gun, remembering when Luke brought it home, together with the drugs, that he never managed to use and I never dared to get rid of, the gun was stolen, Luke stole it from some drug dealer long time ago. Police won’t link it to us, that was the plan, use it for a good cause. I stuck it in my belt behind my jacket and walked downstairs where Shaun was waiting for me.

‘Should I go now?’ he asked

‘Yes, I will call Skylar and go to get him. I will meet you there.’ I said, hugging him.

‘Good luck to all of us … I hope we will come out from this in one piece.’ He hugged my tight.

‘We will.’ I said and kissed his cheek.

I called Skylar; the stress started to kick off. I was restless walking from one side of the room to another.

‘You ready?’ I asked when he picked up.

‘Yes, waiting for you. I will let Seth know to go ahead; he is waiting for my call.’ He said

‘Great, I will be at your house in fifteen minutes… Skylar … thank you.’ I said

‘You will thank me once is over, now get your ass in here, we have a job to do.’ He said, and hang up. I looked out the window it was already dark.  Its time.

I picked up the bike keys from the counter, checked my phone one last time and wrote a message to Austin, before leaving my phone on the table. I knew he would call me later at night, better for him to think I’m sleeping.

‘’I love you, see you tomorrow boo.’’

I didn’t know if using Austin’s bike is a wise idea, but that was a better way to escape quickly, than using my mini Cooper, that takes ages to build up the speed.

Fifteen minutes later, I was in front of Skylar’s door; he walked out as soon as he saw me, put on his helmet and wrapped his arms around my waist.

‘Ready?’ I asked

‘Yes, go.’ He said

The place was around forty minutes outside town, all the way there I had only one thing in my head, everything that Austin told me about Bennie, how hateful and horrible person he is, how much pain he caused him and others. Everything he told me the night before only gave me straight and motivation.

We arrived at the place; it was a field with nothing else than farm buildings. We stopped around a hundred meters from the place Bennie was staying, in the middle of a little forest. Seth made sure that all the street cameras are disabled around the area for the next hour.

Shaun was already there waiting, making sure everything is in place, Skylar went first to explore the area and check the situation inside the house, he knew what he was doing.

Five minutes later he came back ‘ Is looking good, only two guys and Bennie, they are all in the middle room… Shaun and I can go there from the back, and you go by the front door. Bennie is sitting in the middle, and the others are walking around the room, we will need to get them from two sides. Maya, you stand by the front door and wait until we get the other two, the front door seems unlocked. Also, they are full of buzz, which makes it easier.’ He said, checking his pocket for the syringe. ‘Got it.’ He smiled.

‘Ok, let’s go then…remember in the neck, and all of it.’ I said

They both nodded. I walked quietly to the front of what looked like an old farmhouse; I could hear Bennie talking. I looked through the gap in the window for a sign of Skylar or Shaun.

Bennie was sitting on the chair, with his legs on the table and bottle in his hand. His face was in the rag order, black eyes, cut lip, bruises all over, seeing him like this gave me joy, I knew that after today more would join to add some more bruises to his collection. Two other guys were walking around the back of the room, one of them was pretty big and packed; with a stupid look on his face, he didn’t look very smart. The other was average, skinny but tall, and both seemed pretty buzzed, I hoped that Skylar would go after the smaller guy, my heart dropped when I saw his face behind the gorilla-like looking guy.  Fuck sake, Skylar!

On the other side, Shaun was getting ready to go after the other guy; they give me a sign and both of them at the same time walked behind them striking them on the back of the head.

‘What the fuck!’ Bennie jumped from the chair and reached for his gun.

It was time for me, I opened the door, pointing the gun towards Bennie.

‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you.’ I said, walking inside; my heart was pounding in my chest, I barely managed to keep my hands from shaking.

‘You bitch! I should’ve fucking finish you when I had a chance!’ He shouted, turning towards me a bit shaky.

‘You should've.’ I said, still pointing the gun at him; I saw Skylar injecting the drugs to the other two. Shaun grabbed Bennie from behind and pressed a knife to his throat. ‘You will pay for everything; this is my promise to you… you took everything from Austin, everything he loved the most, now I will take everything from you. You will remember my face until you kiss the ground.’ I said, approaching him. I pressed the gun to his head, looking him right in the eyes, I could feel Shaun and Skylar staring at me. I felt like pulling the trigger right at that moment, the desire to blow his head off was so strong that I didn’t know if it was the adrenaline or hate that made me feel like this, but I knew I had to control it. Stick to the fucking plan, Maya!

‘Come on, do it.’ Bennie laughed ‘ That will make you one of us. Just what Austin needs, a chick who can kill.’

I took a step back, still pointing the gun at him, my eyes not leaving his. I couldn’t read him; he showed zero remorse or fear; I could only see evil.

‘I didn’t say I’m going to kill you; I’m not a murderer like you. I only said I would make you pay for everything you’ve done. Someone else will do the dirty work for me.’ I said and pointed the gun at one of his thugs, lying on the ground unconscious, pulled the trigger, and shot him on the shoulder, I moved to the other and did the same.

‘What the fuck are you doing you stupid whore!’ Bennie shouted and tried to move, but Shaun held him tight.

‘I am sure that your gang members will be pleased to find out that their boss shot two of his mates. Mostly the ones in prison, where you will wake up tomorrow morning. I’m sure they will welcome you with open arms.’  I finally saw a flinch of fear in his eyes; he didn’t saw it coming. ‘You messed with the wrong girl, Bennie. I love your brother more than anything in this world, and I would do anything for him, you tried to destroy his life for years, but I will destroy yours with a blink of an eye.’ I looked at Skylar and nodded, he stuck the syringe into his neck, I saw Bennie’s eyes getting heavy, he mumbled something before landing on the ground.

���Come on we have to hurry up, we don’t have much time.’  Shaun said and starter to move things around.

I placed the gun in Bennie’s hand, making sure his fingerprints are on it.

‘Are you sure they won’t remember anything?’ Skylar asked

‘I am sure they will wake up like after the heavy partying, they won’t remember a damn thing.’ I said, looking at Bennie. Skylar and Shaun were on their way out.

I stared at Bennie, the whole feeling from before still dominating my mind. I  picked up a chair and smashed it on Bennie’s head with all the force I had, pieces of the broken chair flew around the room  ‘Maya for god sake, what the fuck are you doing, we are done here, we need to go!’ Shaun grabbed my arm, pulling me out.

‘Motherfucker! I hope you die in pain!’ I shouted.

The whole adrenaline in me started to sink when I walked out the door.

‘Let’s get the fuck out of here; I messaged Seth to call the cops.’ Skylar said, sitting on the bike behind me.‘ I hope you have something strong to drink at home because I fucking need it.’ He said.

We drove back to my house, and spend the rest of the night in silence, drinking.

It was done, the whole plan worked. Now the most challenging part was ahead … tell Austin.

[aworldoffandoms]

15 and/or 30 of the prompts for ethan x mc? 🥺🙏

Authors Note: Hello! This Open Heart drabble/ficlet/short is from this list of prompts. Finally, a short one! Yay! *celebrates with confetti* 

Another one so soon? I’m on a roll! haha. I have most of the prompts written already but I still need to edit and rewrite a few things but they’ll be here soon! Thank you so much for all the support and reviews that I have gotten so far. It means so much that you all love what I’ve been writing! Enjoy this one! 💕

Prompt is: can we just stay here for a bit? & i’ve got you

Prompt is in bold.

Thank you for these prompts, nonny! Hope you like!

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Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC [Nicolette Valentine]

Word Count: 815 (give or take)

Rating: G

Warnings: Sadness. No other warnings. Maybe some fluff? Idk, you decide 😉

Summary: Nicolette suffers some losses on the job and Ethan is there to comfort her.

I’m tagging my OH tag list but please let me know if you’d like to stay on it or would like to be removed.

Open Heart Tag: @senseofduties​ @polishchoicesfan @princess-geek @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @binny1985 @fanficnewbie @x-kyne-x​​@thefluffyphotographer @lilyofchoices @thecordoniandiaries @rainbowsinthestorm @cxld-play @jens-diamondchoices @malakbesharah @hopelessly-shipper @my-heart-beats-for-ya @landofenchantedwonder @sabrinahoffersonsworld @flyawayboo @stanathanxoox @oofchoices @thequeenofcronuts @heauxplesslydevoted @bi-cookie @kingliamsbish @trappedinfandoms @supercoolperson0808 @perriewinklenerdie

Disclaimer: All rights reserved to Pixelberry and all characters belong to them.

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RAINY COMFORT

The weather reflects her mood as the rain pours down on Edenbrook, another particularly horrible day, as tears run down Nicolette’s face as she tries to get her sobbing under control.

She wipes the snot from her nose and the wetness from her cheeks. Nicolette doesn’t know how long she’s been out here for but it must have been a while because she hears a hiss from the automatic sliding doors of Edenbrook’s entryway and the solid patter of feet against the pavement until she sees a tall, firm figure sit beside her in her peripheral.  

She closes her eyes as she smells the distinct scent of Ethan Ramsey. Cedarwood and some spice with a touch of his normal cologne. She almost wants to smile because he sought her out but she doesn’t have the heart to pull her lips upwards.

She sighs and runs a weary hand over her face to get rid of any residual tears.

“Come to wallow with me, Ethan?”

Nicolette doesn’t turn her head, she continues fixing her gaze on the torrential downpour that Boston has been experiencing for the better part of a week. It surely reflects the shitty week she’s had.

Two patients died on her watch while she also had to tell a mother-to-be at the free clinic that her unborn baby had osteogenesis imperfecta which broke her heart even more. And to make things worse, her diagnostics patient was stumping her.

She feels useless.

Another sob catches in her throat and she stares down at her hands, she almost doesn’t recognise when Ethan’s hand comes up to pat her shoulder.

It’s quiet for a few moments, just the patter of rain against the overhanging awning sheltering them both before Ethan starts talking.

“For what it’s worth, Nicolette. You haven’t failed.”

She glances up at him and scoffs, running her hands down her arms to entwine her fingers against her raised knees.

“Huh. Could’ve fooled me, Ethan. Three patients were counting on me. Two died and one has to live with the fact that their baby might die within minutes of their birth. How is that not a failure?”

Nicolette’s eyes burn against another wave of tears and she bites her lip against another sob. Ethan’s heart twists at the sight of Nicolette’s distress and all he wants to do is hold her, so that’s what he does.

His arm reaches out and pulls Nicolette to his side, her body perfectly tucking into him like a puzzle piece. Ethan lets her cry on his shoulder, his hand gently rubbing circles against her back, offering his unwavering support and strength.

Nicolette had been there for him when he needed her the most with Naveen and now he’s offering the same to her. He’ll always offer his support.

Nicolette’s one of the most important people in his life. If not the most important. He had to protect her and make sure that she was going to get through this. No matter how hard this job was there’s always going to be heartbreak. There’s always grim diagnoses to undeserving patients. It’s the cruel fate of this profession.

Ethan can sympathise with her. It’s happened to him on occasion but over the years he’s learnt to cope. Nicolette will learn in time. 

She moves so her head is against Ethan’s chest, tucked under his chin and scoots closer to him, his side radiating the warmth that she so desperately needs against the frigid chill of Boston’s winter.

“I know that we need to go back inside but can we just stay here for a bit? I just really need to decompress.”

Ethan glances down at his colleague, lover and friend and his heart aches. He’d do anything for her and if staying here sitting in the cold and rainy weather, then so be it.

“Of course we can, Rookie.”

Nicolette chuckles softly at the term of endearment she hasn’t heard in a while. “Going back to Rookie are we now, Ethan? That’s a blast from the past.”

Ethan smiles against her hair. “It seemed like a good time to say it.”

Nicolette curls herself closer into the diagnostician’s side, her arms coming up to wrap around his waist.

Ethan’s weariness about their closeness evaporates at her touch and he kisses the top of her head.

“I’ve got you, Nicolette. You always have a chance to save other patients even if you lose another. This is only a minor set back and then you’ll be the bright, determined, driven and talented doctor you always have been.”

There’s a pause and then Nicolette raises her head so her forehead rests against his shoulder in an affectionate gesture.

“Thank you, Ethan.”

Ethan smiles again and he hugs her tighter to him, her lavender and vanilla perfume washing over him.

“You’re welcome, Nicolette.”

It’s not until the rain comes to a stop and the sun peeks through the clouds that Nicolette’s heart feels a little lighter and her future less bleak.

Maybe Ethan’s right. 

There are some dark times and some heartbreaking moments as a doctor but she always has a chance to save someone and that’s a blessing.

She’ll be the best doctor she can be and that’s something to look forward to.

[daydreaming-nerd]

Death Bed (Sebastian Stan x Reader)

This was inspired by the song Death Bed by Powfu! I’ve had this in my head for so long and it’s probably my favorite thing I’ve worked on. I really hope y’all enjoy it! Please leave a comment with some feedback they make my day!!!

Warnings: Cancer, talk of character death, angst, sad ending.

Summary: The reader has been diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer. After hearing the news she stops treatment with plans of living out the rest of her days with Sebastian.

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Sebastian wasn’t happy when I decided to stop treatment. It took both me and the doctor to explain to him that it wasn’t going to do any good. But for a man who decided to put a ring on his girls finger just two weeks before that initial doctors trip, I can understand how that could be hard to hear. 

So that’s how we ended up here, still in bed, at noon. Sheets disheveled and me laying directly on top of Seb.

I don’t wanna fall asleep, I don’t wanna pass away. I’ve been thinking of our future cause I’ll never see those days...

“I feel like we need to get up and eat eventually,” I said breaking the silence. 

“But that would require moving,” He said.

“I know you’re hungry, I can feel your stomach rumbling,” I smiled. 

He contemplated his next words, almost deciding if he should let me be right or hold his ground. 

“I’m hungry,” he blatantly stated.

“Hi hungry I’m dad,” I said craning my neck up at him to see his reaction. 

“I hate you,” He laughed.

“No, you love me,” I said setting my head on his chest again. Another long silence of contentment ensued.

I don’t know why this has has happened, but I probably deserve it. 

“How could this happen?” He stated “Why? Why you?”

“I’ve always had the worst luck in life. I probably deserve it.”

He grabbed my chin so I would look at him. With glassed over eyes he said.

“No, not you. Never you,”

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I laid in bed as Seb made blueberry pancakes, our breakfast had turned into more of a brunch. It was almost always brunch these days. On my good days when I had the energy I would try and help but there were times he would make me sit down and watch. I think it made him feel better to take care of me and I wasn’t going to take that from him. 

I been praying for forgiveness, you’ve been praying for my health. When I leave this earth hoping you’ll find someone else. ‘Cause yeah we’re still young there’s so much we haven’t done, getting married, start a family, watch your wife with her son.

“So you have any other women lined up for yourself when I finally kick the bucket?” I asked yelled out jokingly.

He walked in with a tray full of our food.

“You really think I’m thinking about that shit? I just put a ring on that finger a couple months ago!” He said sliding into bed next to me.

“You should be thinking about it! Who is going to take care of you when I’m gone huh? Mackie?”

“I’m sure I can figure it out!” he laughed. 

I leaned up against his chest and he sighed, running a hand thorough my hair.

“I’m never going to be able to move on from you y/n,” he said in a more serious tone.

“You have to Seb. All we’ve talked about these last three years is settling down, getting married and having kids. I still want that for you,”

“I talked about those things with you though y/n. I wanted it all with you.” he said 

I wish it could be me but I won’t make it out this bed, I hope I go to heaven so I see you once again

“I wanted to be your wife so bad,” I said feeling my heart brake.

“Who says you can’t be?” He perked up causing me to sit up and look at him. “Let’s round everyone up right now, anyone who can make it. Who says we need a caterer and a DJ? Let’s get married today!” 

“Sebastian Stan I love you,” I smiled planting a kiss on his lips. 

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It was the perfect wedding. Chris was in town and Anthony booked a last minute flight in order to get there. Paul Hauser, Seb’s I Tonya co-star made it as well as some of my old co-stars and Sebastians mother. We bought a cake from the supermarket down the street and signed the marriage certificate at NYC City Hall and called every preacher in town before we had to convince Paul to get his five minute minister license online. Sebastian even bought me a dress.

We ended up having the perfect wedding in our apartment. We partied all night with friends and family and ate shitty supermarket cake. Mackie sang Baby Got Back for us and Chris cried giving a toast. 

“Can I have everyone’s attention please?” Sebastian started, “I’d like to make a toast and this one might be a tear jerker so someone hand Evans a tissue box,”

Everyone laughed and I moved over to give him a side hug.

“It’s no secret as to why we’re here today and I’d like to say thank you to everyone who came. I know it was last minute, but I’ve wanted to marry this woman for a few years now and there was no way I was letting it slip away from me.” he said looking at me “When I look back at this day I’ll always remember how beautiful you looked and how good it felt to hear you say I do. You’re so strong, brave and beautiful baby and I love you so much. I don’t know how much longer we have left, but I know it’s never going to be enough. So this ones for you Mrs. Stan. You made me the happiest man alive.” He said raising his glass.

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“Hey Mrs. Sebastian Stan can you turn off the light?” said Seb as I walked out of the bathroom towards the bed. I stepped over the discarded white dress and black tux to flip the switch and then I slid into bed next to my husband. We laid on our sides facing each other just noses apart.

“Are you gonna call me that all night?” I asked.

“Of course I am! You’re finally my wife,” He smiled.

“I have been wanting that last name for a while,” I smirked sliding into bed next to him.

“Mrs. Sebastian Stan did you enjoy our wedding?” He asked ever so sweetly 

 “I don’t think a wedding planner could’ve done any better. I never wanted it to end,” 

“I didn’t either,” 

“Well it’s a good thing we’re on the same page my dear husband because the wedding night is just beginning!” I smiled pulling him into a kiss. 

 My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings. Happy you were mine, it sucks that it’s all ending

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“Can you pass me that pillow?” I asked holding a corner of my favorite blanket up on one of the dining room chairs.

Sebastian passed it over finishing his side and I smooshed the pillow on the blanket holding it in place. 

“I’m gonna grab the snacks,” I said standing up and running to the pantry. When I got back Sebastian was already inside our little blanket fort. 

I lifted up a blanket and slipped inside where he was sitting on our mattress. 

“Did you get my peanut butter?” He asked.

“How could I ever forget,” I said holding it up. “I even grabbed my special touch.” I said holding up the bag of chocolate chip cookies we made earlier.

“God I love you,” He said grabbing the peanut butter while I snuggled into his side. 

“I love you too baby,” 

“So what are we watching?”

“Funny Girl?” I asked shyly. I had made him see it a thousand times.

“Again?” 

“Seb I’m dying, like literally dying,” I whined knowing it always worked on him.

“You can’t keep using the ‘I have terminal cancer’ card! It’s not fair!” He laughed pulling up Funny Girl on the laptop. “This is the last time!”

“Okay last time I promise,” I said curling up with him opening the peanut butter.

That was a promise I intended to keep. I knew my time was coming soon. I could feel myself getting more and more tired everyday. As I laid there watching my favorite movie on Seb I felt my eyes water, simply because I wondered if this would be the last time I saw it. At least I finally got to be Sadie Sadie married lady just like Fanny.

I’m happy that you’re here with me I’m sorry if I tear up...

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I was laying in bed nose to nose with Seb after our movie. Bellies full from finishing a whole jar of peanut butter and cookies. 

“What am I gonna do when I don’t have you here to make me watch Funny Girl or Meet Me in St. Louis” he stated.

“I’ll torment you from beyond the grave and make sure all the song’s get stuck in your head so you have no choice but to watch them,” I giggled.

“You are evil!” he said tickling my sides starting a war as I tried to break free from his hold.

When the tickle fights stopped we ended right where we started nose to nose in silence. We both ended up just staring at each other. Perhaps taking one another in. His eyes started to go glassy.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” He said breaking down into tears and pulling me towards him so he was crying into my chest.

 It was times like this when my chin sat on his head and I could feel him crying that I wanted to cry with him. But I couldn’t I had to be strong for him. This time he was making it really hard. So I wrapped my arms around his head and ran my fingers through his hair.

“Shhhhh it’s okay I’m here baby. I’m still here, I’m not going anywhere for a while,” I cooed.

 I couldn’t tell if I was talking to him or me. Conceivably both of us. As I tried to tell him that I wasn’t going anywhere I was trying to convince myself of the same thing. The thing is these days I’m just not sure anymore. 

The phrase “You don’t have as much time as you think you do” was becoming very real right now and I wasn’t sure I would have enough time to bring Sebastian peace before I go.

...Mondays watched a movie. Soon you’ll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me. 

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I woke up around 11 the next morning and rolled over to see Sebastian still sleeping. I tried to take a mental picture of how he looked. Snuggling the pillow with one arm, the other draped around me. Pretty eyelashes, deep breaths and hair going two different directions.

“Good morning,” he mumbled opening his eyes. 

“Morning baby,” I said running my hand through his hair. 

He pulled me towards him so I was laying on his chest. 

“We should go walk around the city,” He started “I heard it was going to be a beautiful day. We could go grab some dinner and eat it in the park and maybe go to a show and eat at that ice cream shop you like with the frozen hot chocolate,” 

My heart broke because I could tell this was a day he planned when he woke up at some random time last night. His midnight ideas were always his best and they were always the ones he was most excited about. Unfortunately I was super tired and weak today.

“I’m sorry baby. That sounds like the best day ever but I’m not feeling my best today. Maybe if I feel better though we can go out later tonight!” I said trying to give him a little something to hold on to.

“No I can tell you’re not feeling well. Let’s stay here so you can get some rest.” he said adjusting himself so he was more comfortable.

Within a few minutes I was asleep again. 

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I woke up to an empty spot where Sebastian used to be.

“yeah man I’m sorry I know I’ve been slacking,” 

I could hear him in the living room talking on the phone. It was Don calling him again to see if he was ever going to come back to the gym. I had tried to tell him I didn’t mind if he wanted to go, but he never listened. Ever since I stopped chemo he stopped going to workout with Don. He says its so he can spend more time with me but I wish he would still go. When I’m gone I want him to have something constant in his life that isn’t about me.

“I just can’t leave her man, she’s getting worse and worse every day. I feel like I only have a few more weeks left- Yeah I know call you if I need anything- thanks a lot man, bye,” he said hanging up the phone. I heard him walk towards the bedroom so I pretended to just have woken up.

“Hey baby,” I said with a fake stretch.

“Hey hun you slept good! It’s four o’clock!” he said sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Damn I was tired,” I said rubbing my eyes 

“How about I make some dinner?” he asked moving a stray hair out of my face.

“That sounds good!” 

“Alright doll I’ll go get started,” he said kissing my temple before he left.

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After our delicious spaghetti dinner we watched a movie of Sebs choice which ended up being When Harry Met Sally and then went to bed. 

I woke up with the most energy I’ve had in a while. I immediately remembered Sebastian’s plan for yesterday and was hoping he would still be game today.

“Seba” I said softly running my finger down the bridge of his nose. “Seba wake up,” 

He scrunched his nose as he always did when I woke him up this way and eventually opened his eyes.

“Babe lets go do all the things you planned yesterday! It’s only 9 o’clock we can still get breakfast!” I said excitedly.

“I don’t know y/n yesterday you couldn’t even get out of bed and now you have this burst of energy. Maybe we should stay in the apartment again.” He said stretching. 

“Sebby please! Its so beautiful out and it’s supposed to rain the rest of week! I need out of this apartment!” I said dawning my best pair of puppy dog eyes.

“Fine, but you have to tell me if you’re not feeling good,” he surrendered.

I immediately jumped out of bed to start getting ready. 

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We were walking in the park trying to find that perfect spot by the central park boat house. When we were almost there we saw a street performer who was doing a magic show and I just had to stop and watch. What I didn’t notice was Sebastian going back to the flower stand we passed on our way here. I turned around I saw him exchanging money for flowers. The man handed him a big bouquet of my favorite flowers, pink peonies and roses. I know he wanted to be smooth about giving them to me but I could help but get excited right away. 

“Baby!” I exclaimed walking towards him. “What’s all this for?” I asked.

“What I can’t buy my wife flowers?” He smiled handing them to me. 

“This is why I fell in love with you, the little things.” I said reaching up to give him a little kiss on the cheek.

We continued our walk towards our favorite spot. It’s the best picnic place in the park. A little area cut out of bushes and shrubs with a big oak tree you can lean against and watch the boats come in and out of the boathouse. 

This is where we always had our picnics. He sat down and opened up the brown paper sac that we packed with bread, cheese, strawberries and of course wine. As we ate I leaned against him and watched life pass around me.

“You know, ever since the doctor told me I was dying I started noticing the timeline of everything around me.” I stated.

“Care to elaborate?” asked Seb.

“Well for example that butterfly over there will probably only live for a few more months, but that boat that couple is rowing in might be used for years and years to come.” 

“What about me? How long do I have?” 

I paused and sat up so I could face him.

“You’re going to do so many amazing things baby. You’re gonna get the Oscar I always wanted,” I said sincerely.

“How do you know?”

“I just do,”

The rest of our day was spent wondering around the park until we went to see The Phantom Of The Opera on broadway, my favorite and yet another surprise from Sebastian. We ended up going to Serendipity for frozen hot chocolate after.

“I don’t know why but I still cry every time I see that show,” I said taking another sip of my drink.

“It’s because you always sympathize with the phantom,” he said.

“I just feel bad for him,” 

I looked outside and saw that it was pouring rain and I suddenly remembered something I’ve always wanted to do.

“Babe come on!” I said grabbing Sebastian’s hand and running outside.

“What are you doing?  It’s pouring out here, you’re going to get sick! We gotta go back inside!” he said already trying to go back inside.

“No wait!” I yelled over the rain “I’ve always wanted to kiss someone in the rain, ya know like in the movies?” 

“Well you should’ve started with that baby!” He said excitedly blue eyes lighting up.

He used his hand to push the wet hair out of my face and connected our lips. It was everything I wanted it to be. The lights of the city shown around us as we clung to each other and our wet clothes molded together. It was the picture perfect movie moment I had always wanted to live out. 

Looking back that was probably the best last day I could’ve ever asked for. 

The next morning was the definition of “you don’t have as much time as you think you do.” 

I woke up way before Sebastian did, about 7 to be exact. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach that this was it. I took the time to memorize Sebastian's face one more time. Around 8 my thoughts were interrupted by Sebastian’s phone ringing. As he began to stir I looked over to see who it was. It was Don. Before he could ignore the call I leaned over his half asleep form and grabbed his phone so I could answer.

“Hi Don this is y/n!” I said trying to sound as chipper as possible. To which Don proceeded to ask if Sebastian would be coming into the gym today to start training for his next role as Bucky. Sebastian violently shook his head no.

“Yeah he’s coming! He’s making breakfast right now. I’m sure he’ll be over there in a little bit- Talk to you later Don, bye!” I said with a smile.

“Babe I really don’t wanna go to the gym today,” he groaned. 

“I know baby but you’ve been skipping out for too long now. Will you please go? For me? I know you’ll feel so much better if you do,” I chimed.

“Okay, but only for you.” he said rolling out of bed to put on his gym clothes.

“I love you!” I said knowing it might be my last chance to say so.

“I love you too!” He said as he started walking to the kitchen.

It didn’t take long for him to grab a protein bar and tie his shoes.

“Hey Sebby?” I yelled from bed.

“Yes baby?” He said popping his head into the bedroom.

“Can you bring me a coffee on your way home?” I asked.

“Of course,” he smiled.

“Can I have a kiss?” 

He walked over and gave me a short and sweet kiss. A kiss that was far too short.

“I love you so much Sebby! Don’t ever forget it!” I said 

“I love you too darling,” He said with a smile.

That was the last time I ever saw him.

Once again I didn’t have as much time as I thought I did to soak all of him in and say goodbye. But this was the right thing to do.

As soon as the door closed I grabbed a pen and paper off his desk and began to write.

     Sebby,

I’ve written this letter over and over again in my head but never had the courage to put it down on paper. I’ve never been able to get the words right and lord knows I won’t be able to now, but I’m gonna try. When I was a little girl I watched princess movies day and night. Every day I wondered if I’d ever find a prince of my own. I never really believed I would. Not till I met you. You gave me a love I thought only existed in fairytales or movies. You loved me so much and made every day I had left on this earth so amazing. I wish I could give that same gift back to you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I hope one day you can be that for someone else again. You deserve to get all the love you gave me back. Just a few things before I go. Always check your pockets for your headphones before you put them in the wash because I won’t be around anymore to buy you new ones. Make copies of your scripts because you always find a way to spill coffee all over them. The bandaids aren’t in the bathroom they’re in the first aid kit in the closet next to the iron. And above all, I love you so much Sebastian Stan and I always will no matter where I go. You will always be the love of my life. I’ve been all over the world, met so many people and done so many things and I would give them all away for one more moment with you because you, yes you Sebby, were my greatest adventure.

      -I love you so much,

                                      Y/N  (Mrs. Sebastian Stan) 

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I’ve never cried while writing a fic before but I definitely cried during this one. Please leave me a comment below on your thoughts they really help motivate me.

Would any one be interested in a short pt.2/ follow from Sebastian's perspective?

[teambakerst]

I miss my grandma so much. I keep thinking I’ll write in one of my journals and put down all the feelings I haven’t been able to express with family or friends, but then no one will read it, so what’s the point? The same could be said about strangers on the internet reading my personal posts, but whatever. Talking to family just makes me cry and talking to friends doesn’t happen, because no one asks about it anymore. At the same time, I don’t want to put a burden on them, they have their own lives to deal with. It’s too graphic, traumatic, etc. So, I don’t know what else to do but lay it all out here.

My grandma died in March from multiple forms of cancer, all diagnosed too late, and at different times. First, the doctors found black spots on her lungs. Then it was pancreatic cancer. Then we found out it was in her bones.

I couldn’t even react when I found out about the bone cancer. My dad called my mom to tell her, and she told me and my other grandparents. At the time, my mom was in the hospital for an infection, which can be deadly for someone going through chemotherapy. Surprise! Two family members with cancer. They caught mom’s at stage 2. She’s doing better now, about to start radiation...

So she told me my grandma had lesions in her skull. We knew she was dying, but this was terrifying. Cancer’s a fucking monster.

I left the hospital a while later, not feeling well. I caught pneumonia, which sucked by itself, but had another impact on what happened next. The doctors told us my grandma might have two more months to live. They don’t offer real hospice care unless a patient needs a qualified nurse around the clock, so they set us up with a hospital bed and some other supplies in our own home (and a nurse who visited once every couple days). We rearranged our living room for her and brought some of her clothes, pillows, and stuffed animals over from her house. She really, really, did not want to stay with us. Not because she didn’t love us, but because she loved her house and was used to being independent. She’d been suffering from dementia for a long time, so she was often confused about the state of her health and couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t take her home no matter how many times we explained it.

Everyone agreed I shouldn’t be around my mom or my grandma when their immune systems were compromised, so I spent a lot of the time I was sick in my room upstairs. My grandma only lived for two more weeks.

I was so mad for most of that time, mad I was sick, mad the doctors weren’t doing anything for her. And I mean, anything. Apparently, my diabetic grandma didn’t need insulin anymore, because cancer feeds on sugar. Except when her blood sugar spiked too high and they had to take her from our house on a gurney to a rehabilitation facility (??? not a hospital?) to try to bring it back down.

I had a bad feeling when they took her. And nothing but bad feelings every time I went to bed, afraid she wouldn’t wake up the next morning.

During the week she spent at our house, she started hallucinating from not getting enough oxygen. And she was seeing weird things. Squiggly lines and pictures on the walls, rays of light, strangely negative biblical phrases (something about her being a sinner). Hearing things, too. A man behind her calling her name. Her dad, who passed away a long time ago. She would talk to people who weren’t there, sometimes in Spanish. We got her some oxygen tanks, but her condition only improved mildly. She was in and out of sleep all the time. I just tried to reassure her she was safe, especially when she thought she saw smoke in the house. She had a hard time moving and it usually took a long time to get her from the family room couch to the bed. I made sure she was comfy and we would usually talk a little bit, just us two, before I went to bed.

There was one good day where I gave her interview questions and she was lucid enough to answer them. Stuff about college and her friends and vacations. I wrote it all down.

But there was a shift when they took her to the rehab place. I worked the next day. I was taking pay at the drive-thru window when I felt my phone start buzzing in my pocket, over and over. I didn’t want to answer it, because I knew it would be bad news. Then the DQ phone rang and my coworker brought it over to me--my sister called. She said Nani wasn’t responding and I better come over there quick, because it might be the end. I just started sobbing at work. My coworkers/managers were nice and they told me to go. So I cried while driving to the rehab place, too, I couldn’t stop it--don’t cry and drive! My dad called on the way over, he’d noticed me a couple cars ahead of him. That was a little bit reassuring, and I calmed down.

My dad and I met up in the parking lot and found my sister and my other grandma with Nani in her room. Nani was sleeping and wouldn’t respond to her name or her arm being shaken. We thought it was a coma. Hours went by, she had some of her friends visit and leave after sharing their prayers. And then suddenly, she gasped and raised her arms and she was awake!

We’d thought that was the end. The rehab staff weren’t very helpful, not offering an explanation one way or the other. Come to find out she’d been given strong painkillers (or sedatives? Hard to know). It was hard to understand her when she spoke after that, she was very quiet and mumbly. She did say she wanted a “little hug” from everyone, and that made me happy. She asked my uncle to play a song for her. He’d brought his guitar and sung something special for st. patrick’s day. It was very beautiful and I ran to the bathroom in her room, because I started crying again and I didn’t want her to see.

She stayed at that center for a few days, but because healthcare is weird and sucky they said they couldn’t keep her there. It was a rehab place, not a hospice, after all. (I’m still pissed they wouldn’t give her an IV when she stopped eating and drinking. AND they forgot her insulin and claimed they’d given it to her even when I told them I hadn’t left the room and never saw the nurse return with it. High blood sugar was the reason she was there in the first place.)

So they moved my grandma to another rehab place. This one wasn’t as nice. I visited her after school, because through all of this I was still trying to finish off the semester... The doctors helped my grandma into a wheelchair and we took her to a dinner table where the other patients could eat together. My grandma “ordered” some tea and did a little dance--I think my phone’s ringtone went off or something. She was almost normal. That was the last time I saw her alive. My dad, sister, and I let her have dinner with my uncle because he hadn’t gotten a chance to be alone with her.

They moved her, again, to what’s called a group home. My parents and sister visited her there, but I had school and work again. I got a text from my dad at work, saying I should probably leave now and come home. I knew she’d passed.

It was a strange feeling. I guess it would be called numbness. My sister was home and confirmed what I’d thought. My parents were on their way home from a family wedding. I went up to my room and kind of stood there.

Then my parents got home and we went to the group home. It was the first time I was seeing it. It was nice. The people there said they were sorry. I didn’t really realize we were going to see her body until my sister led the way to her room. I kind of lingered back, not knowing if I wanted to see. We all went in and my grandma was there on the bed, with her mouth open and her lips blue. My dad tried to “wake her up.” Kind of like before, when she hadn’t really gone. He blamed himself, outloud. But there was nothing we could’ve done differently. He told me she was still warm if I wanted to hug her or give her a kiss, but I couldn’t. I just wanted to remember what she was like alive. I knelt beside her and said a prayer instead.

I don’t remember what it’s called right now but we had a ceremony before the funeral where we prayed the rosary with my grandma preserved in her coffin. The priest had everyone make the sign of the cross over her forehead. I was the first to do it. I didn’t like it because her skin was cold and hard. I petted her hair, which felt the same. Soft. The funeral director gave my sister and I paper to write Nani a letter, which we folded up and put in her coffin. I thanked her for everything and all the time we spent together.

The funeral was very nice and I didn’t cry then. Lots of tears during the before-ceremony. I don’t know what it was at the funeral, but I’ve cried a lot since then. I still wish I could go back and not get sick. Go back and see her in the group home. My parents said she wasn’t really lucid or talkative when she was there, but I still want things to be different. I wish the hospital had given her a damn CT scan during the many, many times I took her there for her uncontrolled blood sugar, hernia, etc. Good to know the blood sugar thing is a sign of pancreatic cancer.

My mom having cancer at the same time is still something I’m dealing with. And she’s dealing with. And dad’s dealing with. On and on. I don’t like thinking about cancer in my future. We’re all trying to eat better and use natural products. Mom’s breast cancer isn’t genetic, but they never tested my grandma’s.

Everytime I think of a happy memory with my Nani, it’s followed by “and you’ll never see her/hear her/be able to do that with her again.” I would like the second part of the thought to disappear. I’ve been having weird dreams with her still. Not the kind where a family member visits you and bestows upon you wisdom, a friendly greeting, or an I love you. Instead, it’s her as a restless ghost, a corpse, or the confused version of herself before she died where in the dream I’m still aware she’s gone. I want her back, I want to forget all this sadness. I want the dreams to end. Or at least give me some peace.

[justanoutlawfic]

“You’re my mom/dad. No DNA test could change that.” Detective Red Snowing please!

Another installment in the “Life Makes Love Look Hard” verse. Some Curious Snow goodness….

Also on AO3

Alice never gave much thought to genetics. She knewgrowing up that her moms hadn’t biologically given birth to her, but it nevermattered to her. She never thought of Eloise or felt like something wasmissing, how could she? She had four amazing parents she loved along with foursiblings that made her life completely full.

Then, when she was 13, she was diagnosed with bipolardisorder. The doctor said that it could be genetic and since Killian didn’t haveit, they wondered if she could’ve inherited it from Eloise. While the woman hadpassed away a few years prior, her family was more than happy to surrender her medicalrecords, which proved that she did. Alice hadn’t gotten much from her, beforeit was just her wild blonde hair.

Now, a mental illness.

It was a hard adjustment. She was put on pills andstarted therapy. She didn’t understand why it had to happen to her. She had a normallife, nothing traumatic had occurred. Yet, her brain was off balance. Aliceliked puzzles and now she felt all jumbled up, like she was two puzzles in onebox. If she even forgot to take her medication one day, she’d be the secondpuzzle. A person she didn’t like.

Alice could see what it did to her parents and shehated that. They were constantly worried about her. They found her when she ranaway in her manic episodes and they tried to make sure that she took her pillsat the same time every day. She felt like a burden on all of them, even thoughthey never once felt like that.

The pills gave her nightmares that scared the crap outof her and she found herself waking up in the middle of the night most times ina cold sweat. After one pretty terrifying one in particular, she snuck out ofher room and headed down into the kitchen. She put just the exact right amount ofice cubes into her water and an even amount of marmalade on either side of hersandwich before sliding down into her chair.

“Alice?”

Her head snapped up and she found Snow coming inside,taking off her jacket.

“What are you doing up so late?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“I went to go help Henry and Jacinda. Regina, Robinand Marian are out of town on their second honeymoon, so the kids are in overtheir heads with Lucy.” She sat across from her at the table. “Now, spillBunny, what’s going on?”

Alice’s lips nearly tugged up in a smile at her mom’snickname for her. Most kids would probably protect a nickname at this age, butshe loved all of her parents’. “I had another nightmare because of those stupidpills.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” Snow took her hand. “We’ll talk toArchie, maybe there’s something he can do.”

“He told me that it’s normal, that it’s just my mindprocessing everything.”

“I wish there was something I could do to help.”

Alice shrugged. “Change my genetics?”

Snow laughed a bit. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“You wouldn’t?”

“I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, Bunny. Iwish I could’ve carried you inside of me, but it wouldn’t change how much Ilove you. Would it change how you feel about me?”

Alice shook her head. “You’re my mom. No DNA test couldchange that.”

“Exactly. I know you think you’re burdening us, but that’snot true. Family means leaning on each other in the hard times, this is a hardtime. And we’ll get you through this, I promise.”

“Thanks Mom.” She paused. “Do you um…I know I’m 13…butdo you think you could sleep in my bed tonight?”

“Of course. I’ll keep all those bad dreams away.” Sheleaned in, kissing her forehead.

[tattooednursewrites]

Yep, Sure Am Speechless - Ch 15

Elizabeth (OFC) returns to her place as healer on the Avengers team after taking time off after her mom is diagnosed with cancer. In her absence, the Avengers have gained some new members, including Bucky Barnes. Heart eyes and flirtation abound.

Masterlist

Ch 15

There was a knock on the door as I finished zipping my bag shut and tossed it on the bed. I opened the door to find Clint, again holding Nathaniel on his hip, with a phone in his other hand. His face looked grim. “What’s up, Clint? I was just about to head down for dinner… promise.”

“Nat just called. They need you on a mission. She and the others will be here on the jet within the hour. She said it’s her and the twins. The others were already out on a mission… they left yesterday. So even with you she’s not sure there will be enough of you guys.”

My hands start flying… cursing. Nate isn’t old enough yet to copy the gestures so I don’t feel too guilty about it. And my hands continue to sign as I talk, emphasizing my words. “No. No, Clint, don’t you dare even think it. You are not coming with us. No way. I won’t allow it. Neither will Nat. We’ll be fine. You’re staying with your family. Retired. You’re retired.”

Clint waited until I finished. He quickly signed ‘ok’ before adding “but I don’t have to like it.” I followed him back downstairs. I ate quickly, the mood at the table dour. There were many hugs as I said goodbye to the kids and Laura. Nate gave me a sloppy kiss on my cheek. Clint squeezed me tightly and whispered in my ear. “Thank you, Elle. Please be safe.”

I nodded at him as I pulled back, giving him a small smile. With one last goodbye I walked toward the field where the jet had just touched down, my bag over my shoulder. I waved to the Barton clan, who had assembled on the porch to see me off, and I stepped onto the jet.

Natasha was up front with Wanda, teaching her the controls, reminding me of my many lessons with Clint. Pietro was pacing slow enough that I could see him. It looked more like powerwalking than normal pacing, but at least he was visible. I dropped my bag on a seat and headed toward the front. I sat in the jump seat behind the cockpit and leaned forward.

“Hi y’all. Missed you. It’s good to see you, but I wish it was under different circumstances. What’s the mission?”

“I’m a bit shocked you convinced Clint to stay put,” Natasha said by way of greeting. “Oh, and good to see you, too,” she added as an afterthought.

“He wasn’t happy about it, but I used my loud voice, and he conceded. Clint may not like being sidelined, but he’s at home with his family so he’ll be okay.”

“I missed your presence, Ella,” Wanda said, squeezing my hand lightly. I gave her a squeeze in return.

“So what are we doing?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t another rescue mission.

“We got word of a new suspected Hydra base,” Nat started. “It should just be recon. If the intel is confirmed, we should try to take the base out if we can. If we can’t handle it ourselves, we’ll observe it and wait for reinforcements. I should also probably tell you this *might* be a trap. We got the same type of intel yesterday, and the location was on the opposite side of the world from our destination. I’ve been in contact with Cap’s team, nothing hinky yet, but I - *we*, think it’s suspicious that we’re being called away - as far away as possible from their current location. Vision is staying at home base, that way he can quickly get to either team if needed.”

“A trap, huh. That gives me the warm and fuzzies. Okay, well at least we can be extra cautious. I brought coffee. Clint loaned me his thermos. Y’all want a cup?” I got nods from Nat and Wanda, and turned to Pietro. “You want coffee?”

“Please,” he said, pausing his power-pacing.

I poured coffee into paper cups and handed them out. We were silent as we drank. Pietro was the only one showing obvious nerves, but I could see Nat’s tension, and Wanda’s magic was flickering without her realizing it. “Is there something you aren’t telling me?”

Wanda looked at Natasha, who gave a minute shake of her head, before turning to me. “The Hydra base the other team went in search of… the intelligence included information that a disciple of Dr. List’s was there. Steve said that you were familiar with him,” Wanda hesitated again. “His name is Dr. Pyre…”

I froze. I felt all of the color drain from my face. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck. I swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah, I know him. He’s the one that had me taken from my home. He *suspected* that I could be ‘special’ and wanted to see if his theory was correct. He finally began to believe I was ‘normal’ after… well… after he - let’s say ‘tested’ me. Extensively. Thankfully I was able to endure the tests. And I had enough control over my power to make myself heal at a regular rate, instead of at my usual speed. Luckily Steve found me before Pyre discovered my powers, or gave up and disposed of me. Steve got me out of there while Nat and Clint placed some explosives to destroy the base. I thought Pyre died when the team detonated the charges,” I closed my eyes, hugging myself lightly. “I guess not.”

Nat’s jaw was clenching over and over. She saw how I looked when Steve brought me out. I think that was why she warmed to me more quickly than expected. I looked at Wanda, whose magic was dancing angrily between her hands. Pietro had resumed pacing, this time he was a blur. I put a hand on Wanda’s, making her look up. “I’m okay, Wanda.” She arched an eyebrow.

“We all need to calm down a bit,” I said, standing. “More coffee? I think we have just enough for another round.”

Nat shook her head, but smirked and said “Sure.” Wanda smiled and handed me her cup. Pietro stopped pacing and watched me walk to my bag and grab the thermos. He walked over and squeezed my shoulder.

“Another cup would be lovely. Thank you.”

I nodded and filled his cup, before bringing the girls their cups. As I sipped my coffee a thought occurred to me. “Did Steve share any of my history with Pyre with the other team?”

Nat cut her eyes to me and they widened slightly. “No. Tony knows, because he was there. Sam knows only what you told him, but as far as I know, he doesn’t know this is *the* doctor. Bucky doesn’t know any of it... unless you told him.”

I shook my head. “Not anything detailed or specific, no. Not yet.” I went back to my bag, pulling out a thin hoodie, and pulling it on. When I went back up front Wanda looked at me.

“Cold?”

“Not really… Pyre, the ‘tests’ he did… it should have scarred me. My power prevented it. Hell, I’m lucky my power lets me get tattoos. The point is, if he is out there somewhere, I don’t want him to draw conclusions from my lack of scars. So, for this mission at least, long sleeves all the way.”

Nat shifted, her jaw clenching again. I expected her to insist I stay in the jet. Instead, after a minute, she turned to me with a small smirk. “So, Clint said you got the letter today.”

I winced. Crap. “Yep.”

“What letter?” Wanda asked, turning in her seat to look at me.

“Bucky wrote Elle a letter. Had me send it to her, since I wouldn’t share where she was.”

“Ooh! What did it say?” Wanda asked, excited.

I glared at Nat. “He just… apologized for avoiding me. Said I should come home.”

“That’s,” Wanda sighed. “Sweet, but disappointing. He should’ve written you a love letter.”

Nat laughed. “I think for Barnes, what he’s been through, that is a love letter, Wanda.”

I looked between them, my eyes narrowed and arms crossed. “It was a perfectly nice letter. Y’all leave Bucky alone.”

Pietro was just looking between us all. Finally, he shook his head and resumed pacing… this time at a more sedate speed.

The jet’s comms started beeping and Nat answered. Cap’s face popped up. “I just wanted to check in with you. I figured you’d have picked up Ella by now,” Steve said. I leaned forward and waved. He smiled. “You holding up okay, Ella?”

“Yeah. It was a surprise, of course, but I’m okay at the moment. How are y’all doing?”

“Still no movement at the base. I have a bad feeling about all this.”

Nat nodded. “I do, too. Something isn’t right. I don’t like it at all.”

Steve frowned. “Keep your guard up. Be careful. I’ll check in with you again soon,” Steve finished, giving us a chin lift before cutting the call.

“Lovely,” I said. “Two of the only people whose gut instincts I trust, and they both think this is bad news.” I sighed.

Nat chuckled lightly. “Yes, but we’re going to listen to our guts, and not do anything stupid. We’ll be okay Elle.”

*********

Steve turned to Bucky after he cut the transmission. Bucky was still staring at the screen. She was there. He saw her for a second. She didn’t see him, but he saw her and she was okay. Bucky sighed. He really didn’t like being this far away from her. Steve and the others seemed increasingly worried about her since yesterday.

When he’d asked Steve about it, Steve had said that it had to do with Elle’s run in with Hydra, but that it wasn’t his story to tell. Bucky understood, but it didn’t help the worry at all. Neither did her getting further and further away from him. He wondered if she got his letter before she left. Comms during a mission was definitely not the time to ask, but he couldn’t help but be curious. Originally he wasn’t planning to come on this mission, but Steve had asked him to, and he couldn’t say no. Especially not when he realized it had something to do with Ella.

Bucky and Steve walked out of the jet and headed back to the makeshift home base. He, Steve, Sam, and Tony were holed up in an abandon building not far from the base they were watching. Tony had somehow managed to get the power and plumbing to work, so it was more comfortable than it could’ve been. Bucky had never seen Tony so reserved and worried. Quiet. He had a feeling it had to do with Ella, and that concerned him.

When he and Steve entered the building Sam was napping, while Tony paced. As soon as Tony saw them, he approached Steve. “Is Ellie okay? Is she with Nat?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, she’s with Nat and the twins. She seemed shaken, but okay. I could tell Nat wasn’t able to keep it from her like she wanted to.”

Tony shook his head. “And she calls herself a spy? Ellie must be so frightened. Maybe I should…”

“Tony, we’ve been over this. We need to stay in teams of four, just in case this is a trap. We can reevaluate if anything changes, but you know I’m right. We’re all worried about her. There isn’t anything to indicate that she’s in any more danger than usual. She’s okay. She’s strong.”

“I know. But she shouldn’t have to be, not about this,” Tony sighed. He shook his head and went back to pacing.

Bucky looked between the two, knowing he was missing some big piece to the story, and wanting to know what it was. It hurt thinking that Ella had gone through anything at the hands of Hydra, but not knowing what actually happened was worse. He knew what Hydra was capable of. The thought of Ella being subjected to their… talents… it was terrifying. Steve looked at Bucky and moved to stand beside him. He squeezed Bucky’s shoulder. “She’ll be okay, Buck,” Steve said softly. Bucky nodded and closed his eyes. He hoped like hell that Steve was right.

[alimcgowanblog]

The Worst Experience

February 2, 2019 was the beginning of the worst experience of my life. I remember every single thing about that day (thinking it would be like any other). It completely altered my little world. 

The past couple weeks Shane hadn’t felt well. He sometimes had bloody noses or woke up with dry blood around his mouth. I assumed he was adjusting to the altitude after returning home from his Afghanistan deployment 3 months prior. This particular morning however, he saw a bunch of black dots. This time we decided he needed to go to the E.R. Naïve me again, I assumed he was simply dehydrated and needed fluids from being sick. I held his hand, walked him in, and helped check him in. I explained to the nurse these recent mild symptoms he’s had. Once I said them, the nurse immediately stopped writing and looked at me concerned. At first, I didn’t think anything of it, but now I know she knew. She totally knew. 

I kissed Shane goodbye and expected to pick him back up in a hour or two. It was laundry day, so I wanted to get a jumpstart on it in an empty house. I was folding laundry on the couch watching Jimmy Kimmel when I realized it was taking Shane longer than expected. The E.R. is always overly crowded however, so again, not jumping to any conclusions. He then called. He said that I needed to get to the hospital ASAP and the doctor needed to talk to us both. There, my heart skipped a bit. There, I had doubts developing. I grabbed my keys and raced over. 

He was in a dark room resting. The doctor must’ve seen me because he came in directly behind. He had me take a seat and sat down as well. He then calmly said to both of us, “I know you’re both worried, but I’m unfortunately going to make you more worried right now. Shane has Leukemia. His white blood cell count is 40 x the amount it should be. We need to transport him by ambulance [because he is a fall risk] to one of the best cancer hospitals nationwide - Anschutz in Aurora, CO.” Shane and I were both in denial. Shane asked, “Is it possible that it’s just an infection?”. The doctor responded, “Absolutely not. It is cancer and you need to inform your family immediately. Ali, you need to get your things in order. Pack a bag and meet him there in Aurora.” I watched Shane be taken away on a stretcher while reminding me of what not to forget to pack, and where to drop Prince (our dog) off. I watched him drive away with the sirens blaring knowing my whole world changed. 

I couldn’t even call my mom. I didn’t know how to tell her. So, I texted her. I then pulled over to vomit. I finally got home to a couch full of folded laundry thinking this was my only priority today. I threw random clothes into two bags (not realizing we were going to be staying there for almost 2 months). I drove to this huge, unknown area that’s all hospitals - Anschutz, Children’s Hospital, and the UCHEALTH University. I was so backwards and in a daze. I went to all three buildings desperately trying to find him. It felt as though he was kidnapped and I was tracking down his captor. It was an honest nightmare of pure panic that I couldn’t wake up from.

Eventually, I did find him. and All I wanted to do was hug him, but I couldn’t because of all the wires and machines connected to him. To this day, that beeping sound haunts me. That is where he was officially diagnosed with Acute Promyelocytic Leukemia- APL. The pull out couch in his room became my temporary bed. The gowns, gloves, and masks became my temporary wardrobe. This was my new life; my new reality without any choice at all.

It was a Saturday. The next day was Super Bowl Sunday and thankfully, the Patriots won for him while we watched it in his hospital room (even though he couldn’t see). The next day however, Monday, he couldn’t breathe. They gave him all of these machines to increase his oxygen levels but nothing worked. He suffered from Differentiation Syndrome. Basically, what happens is your body becomes so overwhelmed by all the fluids the machines pump in you, the fluids starts to flood your organs rather than be absorbed. He was literally drowning in bed. 

He was then taken from the Oncology floor to the I.C.U. and put on life support with a 10% chance of living. He doesn’t remember this transition (thankfully) but I do. I will forever remember this night because it was the worst night of my life. 

We went from a few nurses pushing his bed quietly through hallways into the I.C.U. to this room full of lights and doctors. They grabbed him, stripped him naked, and began preparing to intubate him. Shane had been so brave till this moment. Through the crevices of doctors’ shoulders in front of me, I could see him look for me. I was so helpless watching him search for his comfort and safety, me. 

 I was then pulled to a table outside of his room with papers slapped in front of me. It was a male doctor, shorter with glasses I remember, handing me a pen. He then yelled, “If you don’t sign these right now, He’ll die tonight!” He was clearly doing his job at a stressful time (which I understand)... but the fact that the doctor couldn’t compose his fear is what absolutely shot my nervous system. I signed the papers (which had to have been chicken scratch), and then was placed in a waiting room with a hospital blanket. At 2am, I sat in that frigid, dark room alone with my thoughts and feelings. I couldn’t call anyone since I had no idea what to report. No one explained anything to me. His life trumped my understanding of it (obviously). 

Hours later, a nurse and that same doctor came in to explain the situation. He was definitely calmer, but still blunt (which I appreciate now... no BS). He informed me of the seriousness of Shane’s condition - 10% chance of living. I was told to go to a hotel and call our families to come as soon as possible. They took me to see him and I almost fainted. My sweet, happy soldier that conversed with me hours prior was a still man that only had machines as his form of communication. I hated how still he was. 

I couldn’t stop screaming, crying, and pleading with God that this wasn’t happening. I had to get a grip though because I could tell some nurses were debating to call psych on me. I walked away with plastic, hospital bags holding our belongings, knowing I was walking to an empty bed, in a hotel, that could symbolize a potentially empty bed forever. 

It was snowing, so I had to brush off the car and scrape off the ice. I then called my mom absolutely hysterical. She got a plane ticket that second (thank God). After that phone call, I texted Shane’s parents thoroughly (because I don’t think I could’ve verbalized another sentence), and Big Mike did the same. That definitely helped me cope. I needed my mom, and Shane needed his dad.

None of us could eat. None of us could sleep. It was just beyond traumatizing for all of us. He went days without progress. The doctors came in everyday looking discouraged because there was nothing new to report. 

Prayer became my obsession. Prayer was a drug, and I its addict. I exposed all vulnerability and requested anyone/anything possible to pray too. This is where however, I became a true believer in God. I literally watched the ripple effect of prayer evolve. I watched a true miracle perform its magic. 

Friday morning, the doctors came in smiling. Non-verbal communication can express more than any sentence. They told us that his lungs are twice as strong as yesterday, and they’re on the verge of inhaling more oxygen than the machines would allow! In addition, he was waking up at times from the anesthesia wearing off. We’d have to explain where he was and what was happening till they put him back to sleep. The chocking, restraints on his wrists, and fear in his eyes were definitely soul crushing... but to see life in his eyes again... to see his brain working; processing what we were telling him... we found our lost hope. We selfishly wanted him afraid of this life because that meant he was alive, fighting it.

That afternoon, they took him off life support and by then his mother, Rachel was there too to welcome Shane back. The next 40+ days is for another time to write. So, let’s end this post on a good note. He woke up! He beat the 10% odds and survived! He became my Shane again! Thank you God and prayer for being the miracles desperate souls need in this world. Thank you God and prayer for giving fighting souls a fighting chance.

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough." -Meister Eckhart

[klaumiel]

You are all I’ve got, Damien// Chapter 10: Mother Karma

I felt a sharp pain before landing on the ground. My neck was bleeding, Bennie’s knife was so close to my skin that even though I managed to release myself from him, he still cut me.

At first, I thought it was just a small scratch, so my eyes landed on Damien who’s fists continuously crushed Bennie’s face. Damien’s face was terrifying full of hate and fury; he completely lost control of himself. A small part of me was scared of him in this form, was this Damien from the past? Is that who he was? He talked about this so many times, how he had to fight with himself, how horrible he felt every time he hurt someone.

I called his name a few times, but he didn’t listen just kept throwing punches one after another, like in the trans. For a moment I thought he would kill Bennie, there was no way he could survive this. Everything was happening so fast, but at the same time felt like forever.

Suddenly I saw Bennie reaching for his knife, that was not far from his arm when I was about to get up, I felt a metallic taste in my mouth, and in a split of a second I started to choke, I couldn’t catch my breath. I pressed my hand on my neck, desperately trying to stop the bleeding.

Damien looked at me; his eyes were filled with tears; I tried to warn him, but I couldn’t make a sound until it was too late. Bennie thrust his knife right into Damien’s chest; I was too weak to get up, too weak to scream or even cry. I felt hopeless, watching him collapsing on the ground hurt more than anything. I heard him yelling my name, but I couldn’t do anything. I watched my boyfriend bleed, and there was nothing I could do.

I saw two guys taking Bennie, dragging him away, he yelled to finish us off, but police sirens stopped them from it, I saw them running away before everything went dark.

----

I woke up hearing familiar voices. I opened my eyes and saw my Dad’s face, smiling. Everything felt like a dream, faded.

‘Maya, sweetie’ I heard him say.

I looked around I was laying on the hospital bed, surrounded by familiar faces, Shaun, and Dad. I tried to move my head, but sharp pain followed, and then everything came back to me.

‘Where am I?’ I asked, barely making a sound, I cleared my throat and tried again, this time more successfully ‘Where am I?’ I knew exactly where I was, but I needed that confirmation. I needed to know if I’m awake or this is just a dream.

‘Sweetie, you are in the hospital. Thank god you are awake, we were losing our minds… Don’t force yourself … Shaun, go to get the doctor.’ My Dad said, holding my hand.

‘Where is Damien?’ I shifted nervously looking around. I had no idea if he was even alive. I passed away right after Bennie’s escape, and he was badly wounded’ Please tell me he is OK… Dad, where is he ?’ I panicked, my eyes filled with tears by the thought that he didn’t make it. Please don’t tell me he is dead!

‘Shh... Hey!... calm down. He is here, few rooms away.’ He said, trying to calm me down, but his face was serious, I knew that look. That wasn’t very reassuring.

‘How is he? Is he awake?’

‘I don’t know the details; your Mum spends a lot of time with him. She told me he is fine, but doctors can’t say much until he is awake. You were a bit luckier than him’ He said, stroking my cheek. I knew he isn’t telling me the whole truth.

‘How long we’ve been here?’

‘Six days’ He said ‘ but that doesn't matter, you are OK, and that’s all it matters.’

‘What about Bennie? Please tell me they found him, he couldn’t go far.’

‘No sweetie, they didn’t fund him. Police are looking for him; he seemed to vanish.’

‘What you mean, vanish!? In a puff of smoke!? He is a person, not a wizard! I saw the police arriving when he was escaping Dad!... he couldn't go far. He needed medical assistance, did they checked hospitals? What about his old house?’ I felt anger build inside me. ‘ How did he even managed to escape the prison!?’

‘One of the guards helped him for a reasonable sum of money, and few others were covering his ass…they will find him, Maya. Stop worrying now; they know what they are doing.’

I doubt that very much.

At that moment, I saw a doctor coming into the room with a nurse. Alex was a young and handsome doctor; he looked after me after my accident. Also, we had a history of short but very steamy romance back from the Uni times. After my accident, we met a few times for how they called it – Netflix and chill, but after a few dates, we called it a day as our relations were strictly physical. We decided to be friends, and while we were single friends with benefits. Last time we saw each other was a few months ago just before I met Damien.

‘And who we have here? Maya Clark decided to wake up finally. You do like to keep us waiting, huh?’  He smiled coming closer; the nurse started to remove the bandages from my neck. ‘ We did our best to stitch you up nicely, wasn’t a deep cut, but very messy. It was mostly superficial, but there was small damage to the carotid artery and jugular vein, where the substantial bleeding came from. You will be fine. You will be able to go back home in a few days.’ He said, looking at the cut, he brushed his fingers on my neck shooting me a glance, I knew he still had hots for me, unfortunately for him, from my side, there was none left ‘Is starting to heal nicely.’ He smiled, touching my neck for a little bit too long.

‘And what is Damien’s situation? Will he be alright? … but Alex, be honest, please’ I looked him in the eyes.

‘Well, that’s a bit more complicated. Damien’s wound was deep, causing severe internal damage. The knife missed the heart but didn’t spare the lungs; we managed to patch him up, but the internal bleeding did more damage than we thought. So far he is functioning well, but we need to wait for him to wake up to have a full diagnose… I am optimistic; he is very strong.’ He said, rubbing my arm reassuringly.

‘What you mean by more damage?’

‘So far, all his organs are functioning correctly, and we are monitoring it, but I will be honest with you Maya, the possibility of coma is strong. The fact that he didn’t wake up yet points to it, but we are giving him another few days to be sure’ Alex said

‘Coma!?... No, no… I need to see him now!’ I said starting to get up but suddenly felt dizzy and fell back on the bed.

‘Easy there … Not yet, you should be resting. We will have you checked today, and we will see tomorrow, I will keep you updated on him, I promise’  He said with a smile, helping me lay down.

‘Alex please, I need to see him now... do you want me to beg?’ I said. He knew that if he didn’t help me, I would go one way or another.

‘Ok…I will have a nurse to take you there in few. I need to check on him anyway so I can keep an eye on you as well’ He smiled

‘Thank you Alex’ I said

‘It will sound bad, but I didn’t want to see you here again so soon. You two were very lucky; few more minutes could’ve been too late.’  he said and walked off the room.

My mum stormed into the room, wearing sweat pants and hoody, she looked so tired, her hair was messy, no make-up. She smiled when she saw me.

‘Maya, sweetie’ she cried and wrapped her arms around me ‘ you give us a proper scare’ she said, kissing my forehead ’how are you feeling, love?’

‘I’m good Mum, my neck is a little bit sore, but Alex said it would heal well’ I smiled

‘You have no idea how we were all worried about you two. Shaun called us when we were at the airport, waiting for our flight to Paris. He said you would be fine, but Damien … ‘ she stopped and looked at me, her face was full of worry.

‘Mum?’

‘You should go to him, Alex said that he could hear everything, maybe if he will hear you he will get better.’ she said ‘I’m sure he is sick of hearing my voice’ she laughed.

‘Maya...’ Alex’s head pop through the door ‘ Ready?’ he asked.

I nodded, the nurse brought the wheelchair and helped me sit, a few moments later, we entered the room.

‘I will leave you here for a moment; I just need to check on him.’ He said. Damien’s chest was wrapped in bandages; I was so glad to see him in one piece.

‘He’s heartbeat is slow, that’s not a good sign.’  I heard Alex whispering to the nurse; he saw me staring and turned away and said something to her; she walked off the room.

‘Alex… should I be worried?’ I asked.

‘No Maya, everything is ok’ he give me a reassuring smile.

I turned to Damien, grabbed his hand gently in both of my hands ‘My mum told me that he could hear us? Is that correct?’ I asked.

He nodded, I pushed myself up from the chair and brought my face close to his, I kissed his temple still holding his hand ‘Damien… honey… I’m here’ I whispered to his ear ‘ don’t you dare to leave me, you hear me? I need you to wake up.’ I heard the cardiac monitor beeping faster. I turned my head to Alex and smiled; he smiled back.

I’ve put my hand on Damien’s chest gently rubbing his skin ‘Come back to me.’ I whispered.

‘Whatever you are doing is working’ Alex said, stopping the nurse from injecting some medication to Damien ‘ Rose, I don’t think we will need that, for now.’ he smiled.

‘Can you move me to this room?’ I asked, looking at Alex.

‘If that will make you rest, I will have that arranged … you are still weak, and I know how annoyingly stubborn you are, if I don’t agree to that I will never see you in your bed resting, but I trust you know what you are doing’ he said.

‘Thank you, Alex.’

‘Before I leave, there was a guy, he came here a few times asking to visit, but we didn’t let him in. I asked your parents, but they didn’t know him, Skylar Quinn? Sounds familiar? black hair, blue eyes, looks pretty young.’

‘Yes, he is a friend’ I smiled ‘ I will text him and tell him to come over.’

‘Great, I will pass that to the reception.’

The same night my bed has been moved to Damien’s room next to him. I knew that me being close to him will help in his recovery. My parents finally went home to get some rest

I texted Skylar letting him know we are okay and that I need to talk to him urgently.

I needed Skylar’s help; I knew that police wouldn’t find Bennie and I had to do it myself, for our own sake, so we could finally have some peace.

This had to end, Bennie being around had to end. After that event something in me broke, I felt pure hate and rage every time I thought of Bennie. It wasn’t just about what happened that night; it had more to do with Damien’s mother, his face when Bennie mentioned her was so full of pain and sadness, I knew deep down that this bastard had something to do with it, and I had to know what exactly happened.

I decided to relax and buried my mind into the Outlander, checking every now and then on Damien. The room was utterly silent; I could hear only beeping of the machines. I was deep into my book when I heard a quiet gasp, I turned my head and put my book down, Damien’s eyes were openly looking right at me.

‘Baby’ he said quietly. I jumped off my bed and sat next to him, grabbing his hand. I smiled wildly; I was so happy to see him awake.

‘Careful, love.’ I said when he started to move around, trying to get up. ‘Don’t move; I will call the doctor.’ I said, pressing the button on the side of the bed and smiled, I turned my head back to him and rubbed his face with my hand.

‘I’m so happy to see you alive Maya’ he said quietly ‘I thought I’d lost you.’ His voice was soft and warm.

‘I’m stronger than you think’ I smiled, happy tears falling down my face ‘But we are both fine, and that’s what matters now.’ He moved my hand from his cheek to his lips and kissed.

‘I love you so much baby, I felt like the world shattered in a million pieces when I saw you there.’ I saw a single tear falling on his cheek.

‘I love you too. And I’m fine.’ I smiled

‘Did they catch Bennie?’ he asked.

I tried to keep my face straight, but he knew, he could read me right through.

‘Damien…let’s see what the doctor says first and then I will tell you ok? You are too weak yet; you should rest.’ I said, knowing that wasn’t convincing at all.

‘Maya… please, tell me. I need to know.’

I took a deep breath ‘He escaped…but police are looking for him, they are close’ I said trying to calm him down.

He didn’t say anything, but I saw the anger in his eyes, the same anger I saw that night.

‘Welcome back’ Alex smiled ‘Is good to see you finally with us…Maya could you give us a minute, Alex asked smiling touching my hand, the way he definitely shouldn’t  I pulled it away quickly. What the hell was that about?!

I kissed Damien gently on the lips, grabbed my phone and walked out the room.

I called my parents to tell them that he woke up. Mum wanted to come over right away, but I told her that he needs to rest, after all, it was the middle of the night.

I sat in the corridor deep in my thoughts, completely lost the feeling of time. Something was bothering me; something I had in my head ever since I woke up. Damien’s face, when Bennie mentioned his mother, did he really watched her die? Is this his last memory of her? And what Bennie had to do with it? I knew she died when he was only a kid and that he didn’t remember her for a long time, but what exactly happened? All those questions in my head, I needed to know the whole story, soon. I needed to decide on what to do. Next, I couldn’t just let it go. I found Bennie before, I could find him again.

I felt tapping on my shoulder; I looked up, it was Alex. He sat next to me and smiled.

‘Everything is on order; he is like newborn, we will need to keep an eye on him for at least one more week to make sure everything is healing nicely, but I don’t see any complications. Everything is absolutely fine Maya.’

‘You have no idea how glad I am to hear that, thank you.’ I smiled and hugged him.

‘Couple of days.’ he said, getting up.

I went back to the room, Damien was sitting on the bed, smiling.

‘They unplugged me.’ he laughed and extended his arm to me ‘Come here you.’

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close; he pressed his head on my chest. I kissed the top his head burring my fingers in his hair. He held me tight, rubbing my back. He looked up and pulled my chin gently to him, I cupped his face and kissed him deeply; everything around stopped to exist; it was just us. The kiss was different from any others, stronger, more intimate, but not in a sexual way. There was something different, like a magical dose of happiness spreading through my whole body. Damien pulled away looked in my eyes.

‘I’m sorry baby’ he said.

‘What for?’ I was a bit confused.

‘I failed you … I promised I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you, I should’ve reacted sooner… but the feeling of him having full control… the fear of losing you completely took control over me.’

‘Damien, stop it! Don’t even go there … there was nothing you could do, we are alive. That’s the most important; you didn’t fail me, you are still here, you didn’t give up.’ I said, rubbing his face.

‘I should've protected you better.’ he looked down.

I pulled his face up ‘You protected me the best you could… for god sake, you nearly died, Damien, how can you talk about failure? You would’ve failed me if you died… leaving me alone … that would’ve been a failure. Because guess what smart ass, I would die without you, do you understand?!’  I said with a serious face.  How can he even think like this?

‘Bennie is going to pay for this, for everything he did. I will make him pay for this.’ He said with anger. I felt like it was time for him to tell me what I needed to know before he does anything stupid and irrational.  Like what I planned to do? Such a hypocrite Maya!

We laid together on his bed wrapped in each other, enjoying the silence. I decided it is time to start “that” conversation.

‘I had so many dreams in the last few days. I didn’t know if I am alive or dead, but the dreams were so real, none of them made any sense. Did you dream about anything?’ I asked, tracing his chest gently with my finger.

‘I did, about many things. Mostly about you, all of our happy moments, about prison and my childhood, but there was one thing that kept repeating.’ He said but didn’t continue; he looked into the distance, his face was sad and full of pain.

‘What was it? I asked, looking at him.

‘My mother, she was wearing the same clothes when I last saw her, she stood in the middle of our old garden, smiling, she kept repeating my name and my pop’s name like she was calling us, then I heard a gunshot, and she was gone. It was a brief moment, but for some reason, I felt weird like happy to see her but also scared, the same way when she died the same type of fear. ’ He said, still looking at the distance. I grabbed his hand; he turned his head towards me and looked at me. ‘ What is wrong? Tell me, I can feel you want to tell me something, but you are holding back.’

‘Well, I dreamt about many things as well, but mostly Bennie, his voice that night, when he spoke about your mother. Just the pieces of the whole situation with his voice, what he said and how he said it. Also your face at that moment, honey, what happened to her? You never told me…, and I have this horrible feeling that Bennie had something to do with this.’

He once again looked away, for a moment didn’t say anything. I let him take his time; I knew he wanted to tell me. After a couple of minutes, he took a deep breath and held my hand tighter, still looking away.

‘I was eight years old when that happened. Bennie was already a teenager; he was old enough to be involved in the business with pop. He was always jealous of me because pop treated me better; after all, I was younger and less problematic. His mother was a drug addict; she died when he was no more than two. Pop decided to move on and met my mother; she was an average person, a nurse, with a golden heart and face like an angel. Pop told me that it was difficult for her to get into his lifestyle, but everything changed when I was born. She raised Bennie like his own son, at least she tried. She treated us equally no matter which one of us was at fault she punished us equally, but he hated her for some reason, and he hated me more than anything. He made my life difficult every chance he got; Pop didn’t have time to discipline him he wasn’t home very often, so we were left with mum, I know she loved him, she was a good person, she never hated anyone… She always said that nobody is perfect, but everyone can be fixed …One day she went to chop shop to talk to pop, but she saw something that she shouldn’t, few guys from the other gang tried to rob my Pop’s shop, she saw their faces but managed to escape home, not for long. A few days later we were home, waiting for Pop to come back when they showed up, I don’t remember in detail what happened but… they questioned her first and even though she said she wouldn’t say a word to anyone about what she saw, they slit her throat in front of my eyes, only because she saw them, she had no idea who they were and what they were doing there. Only years later, I’ve learned that Bennie was the one who told them who she was, he also told them that she worked with pop, which was a lie…they killed her because of him, Maya, he hated her and found the way to get rid of her, and hurt me in one go, after everything, she’s done for him …’ Damien’s eyes filled with tears, which he quickly tried to wipe. He turned his had to me and looked at me ‘ He took everything from me, exactly the way he always said he would. Mum, Pop, my freedom, and he tried to take you.’ He rubbed my cheek with his thumb wiping my tears.

My heart dropped, the pain I saw in his eyes was heartbreaking.

‘I’m so sorry, baby; I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt, and how you feel right now. But know this… You have me, and I love you. That will never change.’ I said, pulling myself up and wrapping my arms around his neck.

‘You are all I’ve got, Maya. All I care about.’ He said, burying his face in my neck, I felt him crying, he tried to hide it, but I squeezed him tight and rubbed his back; he relaxed and finally let it go, the hate, the rage, the pain everything built through the years. Hear him cry broke my heart; I knew that I was the first and the last person to hear this story from him.

I realised that I never hated anyone as much I hated Bennie, I never wished anyone death before, but at this moment I wanted him to die in pain, with whole this pain that Damien felt.

We talked for hours, he told me about his mother's good memories, all the happy things he remembered.

I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night; I was busy planning my next move.

‘There you are lovebirds… I walked past this room at least three times’ I heard a familiar voice in the room, I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn’t hear anyone entering, I’ve put my book down and saw Skylar hanging his jacket on the chair.

‘Skylar!’ I got out of bed and hugged him. ’So good to see you’ I smiled.

‘How are you doing you, bastard? You gave me a proper scare; I thought for a moment that you were gone, but ambulance came just in time.’ he said, looking at Damien.

‘I’m tougher than I look.’ Damien smiled.

‘How come you were there?’ I asked.

‘I followed Bennie’s thugs; I arrived seconds after they escaped with him.’ I saw Damien’s jaw clench.

‘Let’s go to get coffee; Alex said you couldn’t stress.’ I said, rubbed Damien’s arm and whispered in his ear ‘I will be back to you in just a moment, I love you.’ I kissed him, stroking his hair gently.

‘Bring me coffee, ok?’ He smiled.

‘I will be back soon, mate, ladies first.’ Skylar laughed

I took Skylar to the cafeteria; we sat far from others. I didn’t want anyone to overhear what had to tell him. We ordered coffee, and I cut to the point.

‘I have a plan… but not a word about this to Damien ok?’  Skylar raised his brow and leaned closer. I knew he would be interested. ’Will you help me?’ I asked

‘I will’ he smiled

‘I need to find Bennie; the police is useless’ I said, he rolled his eyes laughing.

‘Yeah, no shit Sherlock … you are lucky because I know exactly where he is’ he smiled and sat back in his chair sipping his coffee.

‘How come?’ I asked, surprised.

‘I told you before; I followed one of his thugs. Right after the ambulance took you two, I went after them. My friend Seth hacked this idiot’s phone and installed a tracker; he never leaves Bennie’s side so wherever he is, Bennie is close’ He said showing me the app on his phone with Bennie’s location.

‘Can this information be wiped? Can anyone find out that this guy’s phone is tracked?’ I asked he looked at me trying to figure out what am I talking about.

‘Well yes, once Seth disables the tracker, there will be no sign of it… Maya, why do you need to know this? What the fuck are you planning?’

‘Do you trust him?’

‘Yes, we helped each other a few times; he is a great hacker. He hacks everything and does what he wants with it.’ He had no idea how valuable that information was for me.

‘Great, we will need him… I need you to keep tracking Bennie. I will be out of the hospital in two days. I need you to be ready the same evening.’ I said

‘Maya, what the fuck are you planning? And why I have a feeling this is something crazy?’

‘We are going to pay Bennie a visit … and finish it once and for all.’ I said, making sure nobody is listening.

‘Elaborate … I don’t think I understand this correctly, what you mean by the ‘’finish it’’?’ Skylar looked a bit worried.

‘Bennie won’t stop hunting us, even if he goes back to prison, he won’t stop. He has people working for him, but they are loyal because he pays them. Damien told me all about the whole gang business; everything will stop once Bennie is gone, and I want to make this happen. Also, there is something else, but I don’t want to talk about this right now.’

‘You are going to turn him in?’ He knew exactly what I mean, but he tried to make sure we are talking about the same thing.

‘No’ I said looking Skylar in the eyes, he understood ‘ How many thugs are with him?’

‘Two, he keeps a low profile …Maya this is crazy you know that right?’

‘I know, but that’s the only way. I need Damien to have some peace… Skylar I nearly lost him, and that’s not the first time. Bennie is responsible for so much pain in his life; he killed his father, was the main reason for this mother’s death, and tried to kill me. If this is not a good reason to finish him, I don’t know what is. If I don’t do it, Damien will, and I can’t allow it, that’s why I need to you stay quiet, don’t tell him anything until it is done.’ I said in a quiet voice.

‘Are you sure about this? I am not the best bodyguard, you know?’ He laughed

‘Darling, my father is a first rank Capitan, me and Shaun had self-defence classes since we were toddlers, with a good plan this will be easy. Plus Shaun will be there as well you just need to make sure that your friend Seth takes care of all the cameras around the area for at least two hours.’

‘You have it all planned out … you cheeky...’ he laughed

‘You underestimated me, Skylar Quinn.’ I laughed back

‘You know that Damien will be furious when he finds out, we are talking about real shit here, Maya. One mistake and we are all going to jail.’

‘So we need to make sure we don’t make any mistakes.’ I said confidently ‘ Skylar. I nearly died there. I have to take that chance; Bennie doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as we are. So, are you in or not?’

‘Yes, I’m in.’ he said ‘ I will sort everything out with Seth and come back to you as soon as I have the full confirmation, let’s just hope Bennie will stay in place for two days’ Skylar said looking at his phone.

We went back to the room; Skylar stayed for a bit longer, talking to Damien.

I knew that deep inside; he was excited about our little plan. He was a man of adrenaline and risk after all.

Two days later, I was released home in the morning. Skylar already confirmed that his friend Seth is waiting for our signal.

‘Is Shaun coming to pick you up?’ Damien asked, sitting on the bed, watching me gather all my stuff.

‘Yes, he is already waiting in the car.’ I said, sitting next to him. ‘I will come tomorrow, pop into Cinnaholic and grab you something, huh? What do you fancy?.’ I asked.

‘Oh you know how much I love the Caramel Apple Pie, you can get the Cookie Monster as well… shit you give me a taste now, baby. I might need to pop into the cafe to satisfy my needs.’ He laughed ‘But remember, don’t forget the fork this time.’

I rolled my eyes ‘ You mean the fork you never use?.’ I said

‘Ha. Ha… it’s for you silly, I am a trained professional I don’t need a fork. ‘He said, smiling.

‘Right, trained professional, maybe you should make videos and post it online, maybe you will get them for free if you get enough followers, and you will have some hot chicks thirsting and watching your face getting covered in icing.’ I laughed.

‘Maybe I should, you convince me with the hot chicks.’ He smiled, I pushed him when he started to laugh ‘You should see your face.’ he cracked laughing

‘Not funny Damien Jones, not funny at all.’ I said

‘Baby, you know that the only hot chick I care about is you.’ He said, pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me. ‘What’s wrong? You seem concerned about something … talk to me.’ Shit, did he noticed? Poker face Maya, focus, he can’t suspect anything.

‘No, I’m fine, just the thought of sleeping alone tonight makes me sad.’ I said the first thing that came to my mind, hoping he will believe it.

‘Alex said they are waiting for some results and I will be good to go. Hopefully, not too long.’ He smiled and kissed me; my phone kept ringing when we kissed.

‘I should go, Shaun is getting impatient. I love you, boo.’ I said talking my bag and placed a small kiss on his lips.

‘I love you too … don’t forget the fork.’ He laughed when I walked out.

I sat in Shaun’s car; my mind was already focused on one task.

‘Do you have everything?’ I asked

‘Yes, I can’t believe you kept all this Luke’s stuff…We don’t have much time to get ready. I will ask you one last time Maya… are you hundred per cent sure you want to do this? There as so many ways this could go wrong.’ Shaun said, squeezing the steering wheel.

‘Shaun, we have everything planned, we just need to focus and stick to the plan.’ I said, trying to sound confident, but the more I thought about this, the less optimistic I was.

‘Are you sure those drugs are still good? It’s been a while.’

‘Yes, I checked. This shit never expires.’

‘Ok, I trust you sister. If this is what you want, I will support you, but I think you should warn Damien, just if anything gets tits up.’

‘Everything will be fine, I don’t want to worry him, plus he would never agree to this.’

We arrived home; I took a shower to clear my mind. I’ve put the most suitable clothes: skinny black jeans, a black shirt and camp boots. I’ve put my hair in the high ponytail. I zipped my leather jacket and looked in the mirror, taking a deep breath and correcting my leather gloves. I checked my pockets and boots for the hidden knives and opened walked to my spare room.

In the corner of the room right behind some of my paintings was a small chest of drawers, my hands were shaking, I didn’t open this drawer since Luke died, all his stuff was there, but I was after only one thing. I moved aside neatly folded shirts and grabbed the gun; we had only three bullets, enough to finish the job.

My heart pounded in my chest. I looked at the gun, remembering when Luke brought it home, together with the drugs, that he never managed to use and I never dared to get rid of, the gun was stolen, Luke stole it from some drug dealer long time ago. Police won’t link it to us, that was the plan, use it for a good cause. I stuck it in my belt behind my jacket and walked downstairs where Shaun was waiting for me.

‘Should I go now?’ he asked

‘Yes, I will call Skylar and go to get him. I will meet you there.’ I said, hugging him.

‘Good luck to all of us … I hope we will come out from this in one piece.’ He hugged my tight.

‘We will.’ I said and kissed his cheek.

I called Skylar; the stress started to kick off. I was restless walking from one side of the room to another.

‘You ready?’ I asked when he picked up.

‘Yes, waiting for you. I will let Seth know to go ahead; he is waiting for my call.’ He said

‘Great, I will be at your house in fifteen minutes… Skylar … thank you.’ I said

‘You will thank me once is over, now get your ass in here, we have a job to do.’ He said, and hang up. I looked out the window it was already dark.  Its time.

I picked up the bike keys from the counter, checked my phone one last time and wrote a message to Damien, before leaving my phone on the table. I knew he would call me later at night, better for him to think I’m sleeping.

‘’I love you, see you tomorrow boo.’’

I didn’t know if using Damien’s bike is a wise idea, but that was a better way to escape quickly, than using my mini Cooper, that takes ages to build up the speed.

Fifteen minutes later, I was in front of Skylar’s door; he walked out as soon as he saw me, put on his helmet and wrapped his arms around my waist.

‘Ready?’ I asked

‘Yes, go.’ He said

The place was around forty minutes outside town, all the way there I had only one thing in my head, everything that Damien told me about Bennie, how hateful and horrible person he is, how much pain he caused him and others. Everything he told me the night before only gave me straight and motivation.

We arrived at the place; it was a field with nothing else than farm buildings. We stopped around a hundred meters from the place Bennie was staying, in the middle of a little forest. Seth made sure that all the street cameras are disabled around the area for the next hour.

Shaun was already there waiting, making sure everything is in place, Skylar went first to explore the area and check the situation inside the house, he knew what he was doing.

Five minutes later he came back ‘ Is looking good, only two guys and Bennie, they are all in the middle room… Shaun and I can go there from the back, and you go by the front door. Bennie is sitting in the middle, and the others are walking around the room, we will need to get them from two sides. Maya, you stand by the front door and wait until we get the other two, the front door seems unlocked. Also, they are full of buzz, which makes it easier.’ He said, checking his pocket for the syringe. ‘Got it.’ He smiled.

‘Ok, let’s go then…remember in the neck, and all of it.’ I said

They both nodded. I walked quietly to the front of what looked like an old farmhouse; I could hear Bennie talking. I looked through the gap in the window for a sign of Skylar or Shaun.

Bennie was sitting on the chair, with his legs on the table and bottle in his hand. His face was in the rag order, black eyes, cut lip, bruises all over, seeing him like this gave me joy, I knew that after today more would join to add some more bruises to his collection. Two other guys were walking around the back of the room, one of them was pretty big and packed; with a stupid look on his face, he didn’t look very smart. The other was average, skinny but tall, and both seemed pretty buzzed, I hoped that Skylar would go after the smaller guy, my heart dropped when I saw his face behind the gorilla-like looking guy.  Fuck sake, Skylar!

On the other side, Shaun was getting ready to go after the other guy; they give me a sign and both of them at the same time walked behind them striking them on the back of the head.

‘What the fuck!’ Bennie jumped from the chair and reached for his gun.

It was time for me, I opened the door, pointing the gun towards Bennie.

‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you.’ I said, walking inside; my heart was pounding in my chest, I barely managed to keep my hands from shaking.

‘You bitch! I should’ve fucking finish you when I had a chance!’ He shouted, turning towards me a bit shaky.

‘You should've.’ I said, still pointing the gun at him; I saw Skylar injecting the drugs to the other two. Shaun grabbed Bennie from behind and pressed a knife to his throat. ‘You will pay for everything; this is my promise to you… you took everything from Damien, everything he loved the most, now I will take everything from you. You will remember my face until you kiss the ground.’ I said, approaching him. I pressed the gun to his head, looking him right in the eyes, I could feel Shaun and Skylar staring at me. I felt like pulling the trigger right at that moment, the desire to blow his head off was so strong that I didn’t know if it was the adrenaline or hate that made me feel like this, but I knew I had to control it. Stick to the fucking plan, Maya!

‘Come on, do it.’ Bennie laughed ‘ That will make you one of us. Just what Damien needs, a chick who can kill.’

I took a step back, still pointing the gun at him, my eyes not leaving his. I couldn’t read him; he showed zero remorse or fear; I could only see evil.

‘I didn’t say I’m going to kill you; I’m not a murderer like you. I only said I would make you pay for everything you’ve done. Someone else will do the dirty work for me.’ I said and pointed the gun at one of his thugs, lying on the ground unconscious, pulled the trigger, and shot him on the shoulder, I moved to the other and did the same.

‘What the fuck are you doing you stupid whore!’ Bennie shouted and tried to move, but Shaun held him tight.

‘I am sure that your gang members will be pleased to find out that their boss shot two of his mates. Mostly the ones in prison, where you will wake up tomorrow morning. I’m sure they will welcome you with open arms.’  I finally saw a flinch of fear in his eyes; he didn’t saw it coming. ‘You messed with the wrong girl, Bennie. I love your brother more than anything in this world, and I would do anything for him, you tried to destroy his life for years, but I will destroy yours with a blink of an eye.’ I looked at Skylar and nodded, he stuck the syringe into his neck, I saw Bennie’s eyes getting heavy, he mumbled something before landing on the ground.

‘Come on we have to hurry up, we don’t have much time.’  Shaun said and starter to move things around.

I placed the gun in Bennie’s hand, making sure his fingerprints are on it.

‘Are you sure they won’t remember anything?’ Skylar asked

‘I am sure they will wake up like after the heavy partying, they won’t remember a damn thing.’ I said, looking at Bennie. Skylar and Shaun were on their way out.

I stared at Bennie, the whole feeling from before still dominating my mind. I  picked up a chair and smashed it on Bennie’s head with all the force I had, pieces of the broken chair flew around the room  ‘Maya for god sake, what the fuck are you doing, we are done here, we need to go!’ Shaun grabbed my arm, pulling me out.

‘Motherfucker! I hope you die in pain!’ I shouted.

The whole adrenaline in me started to sink when I walked out the door.

‘Let’s get the fuck out of here; I messaged Seth to call the cops.’ Skylar said, sitting on the bike behind me.‘ I hope you have something strong to drink at home because I fucking need it.’ He said.

We drove back to my house, and spend the rest of the night in silence, drinking.

It was done, the whole plan worked. Now the most challenging part was ahead … tell Damien.

[believingispowerfulmagic]

“Better When I’m Dancing”: Injured

This is for the @oqpromptparty. Some lovely people sent in specific prompts for both “Crown My Heart” and “Better When I’m Dancing.” I’ve answered one of the prompts. The “Crown My Heart” prompt will be rolled into a later chapter and the other two prompts for “Better When I’m Dancing” will be incorporated into a later chapter as well. 

Thank you to everyone who sent me a prompt specifically. You are all amazing! 

As for this prompt, this is another take on something that’s going to happen during Week 8. I hope you enjoy both versions! 

Special Requests for “Better When I’m Dancing”: A little dancing accident on Regina's side throws Regina and Robin's schedule off, especially when she doesn't tell him she's hurt at first

           “And one two three and one two three...Robin, a waltz isn’t that hard,” Regina said, stopping them as the music played on. “We’ve danced this before. What’s going on?”

           He pulled away, running a hand through his hair. “Sorry, sorry. I just need a moment.”

           She sighed, nodding. Robin had been distracted all day but unusually quiet, so she was trying to give him his space. A few minutes wouldn’t hurt their practice. “Take five. Go clear your head,” she told him.

           Robin didn’t even thank her, making a beeline for the door. She thought she heard him mutter that it would take longer than five minutes as he passed her and she frowned. Maybe a talk with her partner was in order if they wanted to get anything done today.

           “What’s up with Robin?” their PA asked, though her tone was ambiguous. She could’ve been asking out of concern or to get a sound bite from Regina.

           Knowing the show, she assumed it was the latter so Regina just shrugged. She then gave the woman a side-eyed look. “I’m going to continue rehearsing on my own, plan out the next steps. Excuse me.”

           “Of course,” the woman said, taken aback. She walked away and Regina started the music again. They couldn’t afford to miss any time because Robin was in a mood.

           Regina held her arms up in proper hold with an invisible partner. She counted herself in, working through the steps she had already choreographed before letting the music guide her to through the next steps. Closing her eyes, she got lost in the music and imagined that Robin was in fact there with her, dancing with her as he smiled lovingly at her.

           Because her eyes were closed, she didn’t know what had happened. All she knew was that she felt her leg turn in an unnatural direction before she went down, landing hard on the ballroom floor. She felt the wind get knocked out of her and struggled to catch her breath again, staring at the lights overhead.

           “Regina? Are you okay?” the PA asked, leaning over her. She frowned. “Do I need to get the medic?”

           Regina shook her head. “No, I just landed wrong. I just need to walk it off. Can you help me up before Robin gets back?”

           The PA nodded and helped Regina up. When Regina placed her weight on her right foot, pain shot from her ankle and went up her leg. She winced and knew it was noticeable as the PA grew concerned. “Are you sure you don’t want to me to get the medic?” she asked.

           “Yes,” Regina said, waving her off. She hopped away. “Just give me a few moments. Nothing too bad.”

           Yet each time she tried to put weight on that foot, pain kept shooting up her leg. She had definitely done something to her ankle, though she wasn’t too sure if it was just a strain or a sprain. The rational part of Regina’s brain told her she needed to put her leg up, ice the ankle and rest but she was pushing against a deadline. She could do that later.

           Robin returned, looking calmer though still appearing a bit out of sorts. She held her head high, praying her pain was evident. “Are you ready to continue?”

           “Yes,” he said curtly. He stepped up into hold. “Let’s go.”

           She took a deep breath, trying to favor her left foot as they danced. However, she landed on her right every so often and tried not to wince in pain. Robin didn’t seem to notice, but on the other hand, he still seemed so far away. She wondered where he went to as he spun her.

           Regina landed hard on her foot and cried out, crumpling to the floor. He caught her just before she also added a banged-up knee to her problems, cradling her closely. “Oh, God, Regina. Did I hurt you?” he asked.

           “She fell earlier,” the traitorous PA said. “Refused to let the medic look at her.”

           He frowned as he brushed some hair from her face. “Will you let me take a look at it?”

           “Sure, but I’m sure it’s nothing,” she insisted, wanting to get started again. “We have a deadline…”

           “Fuck the deadline, Regina. Your health and wellbeing is far more important than this conversation,” he said, taking off her shoe and rolling down her sock. He frowned as he saw her bruised and swollen ankle. “Fuck, Regina. How were you even dancing with this?”

           She shrugged. “I’ve danced through worse.”

           Robin’s frown deepened and he looked up at the PA. “Get the medic, please. I’ll make sure she doesn’t turn him away.”

           “I’m not a child!”

           “Well, right now, you’re not making reasonable choices,” he argued, glaring at her.

           Anger burned inside her, even surpassing her pain. She pushed his shoulder, trying to get him away from her. “I won’t be lectured by you.”

           “I’m not trying to lecture you, I’m trying to make sure you take care of yourself. I can’t lose you.”

           Her anger gave way to confusion as she frowned at him. “How would a swollen ankle cause you to lose me?”

           Robin didn’t answer as the medic arrived. He moved out of the way, letting the other man examine her ankle. Regina kept her focus on her partner, though, trying to figure out what was going on. There was a sadness to him and a worry that intrigued her. She knew something more had to be at play than her injury and prayed he would tell her what it was soon.

           The medic didn’t think Regina needed to go to the hospital and so he sent her to a clinic nearby she had been to before. Robin went with her, as did the camera crew. She tolerated them as they filmed a doctor at the clinic diagnosing her with a strain rather than a sprain. He prescribed some painkillers and told Regina to ice and elevate her ankle for the rest of the day. “I’d also take it easy tomorrow,” he advised.

           “Take it easy? We can’t take it…” Regina started to argue before Robin silenced her with a withering glare.

           “I’ll make sure she rests,” he promised the doctor. “We’ll take care of that ankle.”

           Once Regina was discharged, he carried her back out to his car. She watched as he turned to their camera crew. “I trust this is where you leave us. Regina needs her rest.”

           “Sure,” the PA said. “I have to let Isaac and the other producers know what’s going on. Someone will call to check on Regina tonight and offer other options if her ankle is still bothering her tomorrow.”

           “Thank you,” Robin replied, climbing into the car. He pulled out of the parking lot and turned to head toward her house.

           Regina sat in the front seat, arms crossed. “What does other options mean?” she groused.

           “You’re not the first dancer to get injured,” he told her. “When that happens, they usually ask a member of the troupe or an eliminated pro to step in and practice while the other dancer continues to choreograph.”

           That…didn’t sound too bad, actually. It would allow them not to lose too much time. She sighed as she lowered her arms. “I guess I could ask Ursula to dance with you. She’s close to my style.”

           She saw tension leave Robin’s shoulders and he nodded. “Thank you, Regina. You need to rest and we don’t want to chance anything.”

           “Once again, it’s just a sore ankle,” she reminded him. “It’s just a sprain.”

           “Just a sprain. Just like we thought Marian’s fatigue and aches were just pregnancy. Look what happened then,” he said, bitterness in his voice.

           Things started to clear up in Regina’s mind and she grew concerned for him. He was far too emotional to drive. “Pull over,” she ordered.

           “What?” he asked, startled.

           “Pull. Over. Now.” She motioned to an empty parking lot of a closed down store. It would give them some privacy.

           Robin did as she asked, parking the car. He blinked a few times at her. “What’s wrong?”

           “I was about to ask you the same thing,” she said. “Does today have any connections to Marian? You’re angry and just out of sorts today. And now that comment…What’s going on?”

           He sighed, rubbing his face. “You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s just…It’s the anniversary of Marian’s death. I’m always a bit…tense… today.”

           “That’s an understatement,” she replied before taking his hand. “I know this can be difficult. I’ve been there. The anniversary of Daniel’s death isn’t a picnic for me either. But maybe you shouldn’t be biting my head off?”

           “You’re right. I’m sorry, Regina.” He leaned over, kissing her cheek. “I guess my head just hasn’t been in a good space.”

           “Well, why don’t you take me home and then go home to spend time with Roland? I’m just going to sit in bed alternating having ice on my ankle and then not. Emma will be able to help me,” she said, resting her hand against his cheek.

           He nodded. “I think that sounds good. But if you need anything…”

           “I’ll call,” she said, crossing her heart with her fingers. “Promise.”

           Satisfied, Robin started the car again. “Then let’s get you home so you can rest and get better.”

           “Great. Drive, Jeeves,” she said, trying to mimic his accent.

           “You did not just call me that.” But he pulled out of the parking lot, turning back toward her house as Regina laughed.