#i deeply deeply crave being friends with a person and cuddling them again

[deep-hearts-core]

dear lord i need to be hugged. by my peers.

[ethernetmeep]

i seem to sometimes forget others hadn’t had interactions as a child like i did, hence why my discussion of childhood during lunch today was somewhat awkward.. because of my own faults, it seems. i had forgotten to realize my subject matter was socially inappropriate for the area. i, uh.. feel really bad about this. like, i am so fucking sorry bad. im still thinking about it, both the memories from young age & the cafeteria interaction, although primarily the memories..

i will, uh, separate this, because it’s definitely needed. don’t read this, it isn’t worth it. move along now, unless you crave to know about my adolescence and its awful properties

a wooden house, wooden bedroom. big bed, body pillow with various emotions on it. glow in the dark star stickers, various planets in the solar system hung from the ceiling. various items. a computer, colored pencils, comic of choice being worked on. most of them…. uhm… very.. explicit in nature.

i remember a character of theirs. a little girl. sunflower dress, horrible family. sent to an orphanage. feel sick at saying anything more. cute characters i liked, all eviscerated. its not their fault, inherently; they had a lot of things going on. definite abuse, at some point. still, the memories make me somewhat sick.

this was a person i cared about, swam at the beach with, drew art with. grew up with. we would play the recorder & be grimy & silly together.

yet, this person simultaneously showed me a jarring amount of sexual topics, nothing a young child should see to that extent— neither them, or me. they were two years or so older. we played on the playground and roleplayed about a fucking sex shop, for gods sake. i just now resurfaced the memory of [being shown something that should not be shown at age ten]. it makes me deeply, deeply uncomfortable.

i still remember sharing a cold miniature pizza & chicken tenders as a lunch with them. juice with water added to lessen the sweetness. adventure time in the background on the television. the fact their door lock got broken once because of our stupidity. an old dog they had.

i wonder if, by any extent, this friendship caused me to subconsciously be revulsed and uncomfortable by so many of these things. it probably did.. ever since knowing them, i haven’t looked at certain childhood objects the same. a certain pillow pet comes to mind, so do pillows in general…. would explain my distain for the items, when they aren’t the ones i know. would also explain the long time discomfort in the following things: taking a shower at someone elses place, changing at someone elses place, staying overnight in general at a friends house, sharing any kind of clothes, feeling as if in my sleep i’d be….

….oh.

……..oh.

...damn it. having this realization as of writing this makes it all the more horrible. it seems to explain my distinct hatred of touch with those who discomfort me, my lack of touch even with close friends unless its a hug, my distain for… so many things. my stunted growth in regards to relationships. ive been afraid, so afraid, terrified of the concept, not wanting to be hurt and to be helpless again; subconsciously, without even realizing it

it would also explain why i am so preferable to the concept of plushies instead of human people as things to hold. inanimate objects can’t hurt me, they can’t reach out of the shadows and hold you in a way you don’t want. would explain my dislike of quote, cuddling.

god, i’m… hahaha, [nervous laughter, not that of amusement.. i am very much not amused.] i did not realize id be having this epiphany today. or anytime soon. At all. god damn it.

well… if someone did read this, then they experienced a cruel read. im sorry. why am i sorry? i put a ‘dont read this’ sign! doesn’t matter, i’m sorry regardless.

[WHAT NOW? do i just go on with my day? i can’t, that feels odd. i need to make my friend their birthday piece.. i need to do so many things. i have so much to do, but i just got the biggest epiphany dropped like an anvil on my head… maybe thinking of people who were once nice to me will make me feel better…. think of friends & acquaintances & old friends & whatnot, to make me feel safe… peruse the archive i have of photos…]

[edit: i just did that. i feel significantly better. thank you, uhm… um…. what do i say….. ah, i will say friend, i like saying friend… even if its quite foolish, its trivial anyway…]

[aroaceconfessions]

Hello! I wanted to kind of vent a little because I had like a sexuality crisis a couple months ago and proceeded to block it out to deal with a bigger crisis and now I’ve been thinking about it again.

I have known I’m asexual for years now and I am cool with that, I figured it out in high school and was so excited because I felt like I understood myself and found people who related to me on tumblr. I don’t have any ace friends so i think mine were a little confused but all supportive, I am lucky to have them :)

Anyway the crisis 😩 happened when my best friend at the time confessed her feelings to me. I would talk with her often about my sexuality because I was trying to figure out if I, a woman, was also into women. My friend and I were super close and sometimes I would imagine us dating just to theorize it and wondered if I liked her back. We would talk playfully with each other at times and I loved holding hands with her or cuddling so I thought maybe I liked her but never really planned on acting on it. When it comes to me getting feelings for someone I will fantasize about us dating for a day and then I’m over it i have never initiated a relationship just due to lack of interest I guess.

When she confessed I told her I returned the feelings because that’s what I thought I did since I liked to hold hands with her and things like that.

She was overjoyed and I was excited because this was so new and it has to be right but a part of me was scared because I knew I would let her down. I have been in relationships in the past (very few) and would lose interest every quickly. I feel like when it comes to relationships I never get involved that deeply, idk if it’s some defense mechanism to protect myself or if I just can’t experience those feelings and I fear it might be the latter.

Over the week I started to freak out because this was my first relationships that would have consequences if it ended, I only dated acquaintances never close friends. I feel horrible saying it but I knew in the end she would like me more than I could like her. It was all I thought about, did I actually want a committed relationship or did I just crave physical platonic intimacy? I ended it before it could get any further and felt like a terrible person, I felt I lead her on. I told her I didn’t want her to think I was using her to figure myself out and she told me she didn’t see it that way but to me that’s what it felt like.

I knew it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to pursue a relationship but I felt immense guilt for getting her hopes up for nothing. ALL OF THIS IS TO SAY, I wonder if I’m aromantic as well. Idk what to make of that because I was trying to see if I liked women and now I’m like so I like no one??? I’m just very confused and I don’t want to hurt anyone in pursuit of figuring out what I want. I know you don’t have to use labels but I feel like it helps me understand myself more to label it and I wish someone could just look at me and be like… you are this and be done with it.

So to summarize I don’t have an interest in dating but I do theoretically want to be in a relationship because everyone is and I don’t want to be lonely but I don’t want to date anyone but I do, make sense? 😭😭

This was a lot longer than I expected sorry! but if anyone has advice I appreciate it, and I hope I don’t sound like being aromantic is a bad thing it is not! I think I’m just frustrated because I felt so close to understanding myself and now I feel like I understand myself even less. It has been helpful to read through the posts on this account and has been validating to know I’m not alone, I hope you are all doing well ❤️

[clairecrive]

heyo! woman was so good- could you write a part 2 to it please? thank you so much!

"woman" - wolfstar x reader (part 2)

A/n: thank you so much to those who commented on part 1! I'm overwhelmed by the response it got and I'm so happy!

Warnings: mild angst, mostly fluff, Sirius is adorable, this is mostly about Sirius x y/n, but poly relationship none the less

Word count: 1.2k ish

Tags: @erinblack003, @girl22334, @blackpinkdolan, @seldomabsent, @andy-blur (let me know if you wanna be added or removed)

Part 1

HARRY POTTER MASTERLIST

Sometimes, y/n damned the day she said yes to those boys. Granted, it didn't happen often and it coincided unsurprisingly with every fight she had with them. Mostly Sirius to be fair. Remus hated arguing just as much as she did, only he did a better job in dealing with conflict. 

If y/n had to be honest, it was hard for her and Sirius not to clash. No matter how much she loved the boy, more often than not they'd argue. Usually, it started like harmless banter, Sirius loved to get a rise out of her since Remus was always so collected, and y/n couldn't hold her tongue if her life depended on it. Hence, their dynamic.

Those kinds of interactions though were never taken seriously by either of them. Not that they would admit it out loud, but they enjoyed them.

However, despite how Remus always tried to mediate between them on serious matters, sometimes it wasn't enough and they would apply that same dynamic to fights stem from more serious motives. Like it happened yesterday.

Laying in her bed, with the deafening silence of her dorm as a soundtrack, y/n could admit that she took Sirius bait. She was aware of her boyfriend's past and how difficult it was for him to express his feelings. Hell, her past wasn't as traumatic and she had a hard time doing that too. 

"Stupid," groaning at herself, she rolled around, unable to keep still for long. 

Truth is, she gave in to that part of herself that was always second-guessing everything good in her life and let her speak. Yes, after months of dating she still couldn't believe that two of the most amazing human beings on this planet chose her and loved her, but she wasn't so insecure about their relationship and their commitment to her. 

It was true that Sirius had a way of going about things that made him seem like a huge flirt but she knew in her heart that it was harmless. She could see it in his eyes every time he'd look at her or Remus. Least of all that Valerie. 

She overreacted.

"Fuck me," huffing in annoyance she couldn't believe that Sirius had been right all along, she had been a massive brat. 

"I think you're in the wrong place for that," Marlene's voice cut through the room startling her.

"Sorry Marls," she grimaced knowing that it was her shuffling and restlessness that woke her friend.

"I'm sure your loverboy would be more than happy to solve your problem. Just go to him." And giving y/n her back, she went back to sleep.  Y/n had confided in her friend, she usually liked to keep her relationship's problems between her and her boyfriends but Marlene had seen right through her. 

She let out a sigh, looking at the ceiling, she knew that she couldn't go on like this much longer. She never could sleep when she had a serious fight with her boyfriends. Trying to be as silent as possible and climbed the stairs to the common room. 

Trying to figure out the best way to approach Sirius after the fight, the best words to use, she almost missed the silhouette of a boy sitting in front of a fire. As soon as she had spotted it though, y/n knew immediately who it was.

Sirius always had trouble sleeping.

"Hey," not wanting to scare him, she quietly spoke to announce her presence before making her way to him.

"Hi," good thing she had spoken, 'cause Sirius appeared to be deep in thoughts and hadn't heard her coming down. "What are you doing here?" 

"Couldn't sleep. You?"

"Same."

Both of them were aware of the reason why both of them were too restless to sleep but it felt like the words needed to be said. Even if to just ease them into the conversation they knew they needed to have.

"Look-"

"Listen-"

Speaking at the same time like they were in some sort of romcom felt comical but also very in intune with them. Always clashing. 

Smiling softly at each other, they waited for the other to speak. Almost as if they had made a silent agreement, again, they spoke at the same time.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Sirius added confused. She did nothing wrong as far as he's concerned.

"I overreacted, I was a bitch," she started listing with the help of her fingers, "I threw a fit, do I need to add more?"

"Oh baby," shaking his head he took her hands in his before continuing, "can't blame you for that when I would have reacted the same way, can I?"

"It seemed like I don't trust you though," now it was her turn to shake her head and give his hands a squeeze, "which is absolutely not true. I know you're loyal."

"Surely, you must know how deeply I care for you."

"I do, I do," she insisted when she saw doubt still clouding his eyes, "sometimes I let my insecurities get the best of me. I'm sorry if I hurt you though, it isn't an excuse."

"We all got insecurities, bunny. And I'm the one who's sorry, I shouldn't have messed with you that much. I was being an arsehole and I ruined your surprise." He reassured her before his head hung low in shame. There's the thing about Sirius: he could be very forgiving when it came to his loved ones but never when it came to himself. 

"You were a bit of a moron, but it's okay. I didn't want to come off as needy, you weren't that  late anyway." Taking his chin between her fingers, she tilted his head up so that she could look into his eyes. There was nothing y/n hated more than Sirius being so intransigent with himself when he deserved nothing but love and happiness. Good thing that he had two doting and loving partners then, right? 

"Bunny," tightening his hold on the hand he was still holding, his eyes glowed in the firelight, turning solemn as the words he was about to share, " you're the most important person in my life along with the marauders. If you want my attention, you got it. Hell, you already have all my attention. You're always on my mind, and certainly in my heart. I love you, there's no one but you and Remus. I promise." 

Letting his forehead touching hers gently, he gave her a soft Eskimo kiss. This soft intimacy always melted his heart. Sure, steamy makeup sex was always a wonderful post-fight but this- this was way better. Sirius had had plenty of sex with other people, it wasn't a secret, but he had never had this kind of quiet, almost domestic affection. And it was what he craved more than anything. It was one of those things that you can't live without once you had it. 

"I love you too, Sirius. You and Remus are it for me." She promised while her fingers gently caressed his jaw. They settled in comfortable silence, enjoying each other presence, basking in the promise that this would be forever. 

"Did you and Remus open it?" Leaning back so that she could see him better, she asked after a while.

"Nope wanted to make things right with you first."

"Then it's not ruined. Just postponed." As if the last couple of hours didn't happen, y/n felt the excitement come back to her. However, the clock neared midnight and having things finally been set straight between them, the strain of the day was slowly dawning on them. And as a matter of fact, Sirius yawned in the cutest way. Nose scrunched, eyes watering, he looked so much like a puppy, one wouldn't believe it.

"C'mon love, let's go to bed, alright?" Leaving a kiss to his lips, she quietly coaxed him up from the sofa. 

"Can't we stay here and cuddle a bit more?" Groaning, he complained settling his head in the crook of her neck, refusing to let her go.

"Who said we had to part? I'm not letting you go tonight, but I'm sure Moony is feeling lonely up there." She said quickly pecking his temple, the closest part of his face she could reach and walked towards their dorm with him attached to her like a koala. 

"Mh yes, let's go then. Moony gives the best cuddles."

"That he does my love." She agreed giggling. Remus was the best at quite a few things but maybe they could explore them in the morning.

[spencers-renaissance]

Emergency Contact

Summary: When Spencer ends up in the hospital again, his emergency contact — who happens to be his boyfriend, Luke Alvez — is called. Too bad he hasn't told the team about him yet...

Tags: whump, h/c, hurt spencer, broken ribs, coming out, relationship reveal, protective derek, team as family, fluff, au: different first meeting

Pairing: Luke Alvez x Spencer Reid // (heavy on the Derek & Spencer friendship, too)

Word Count: 2.6k

Masterlist // Read on AO3 // Bad Things Happen Bingo

Okay, so Emily was not in S11, but for this fic she is, because I wanted supportive Penemily and that's what I gave myself. Other than that, this fills the square "broken ribs" for my Bad Things Happen bingo card. Enjoy the whump mixed with fluff!

Spencer doesn’t mean to get hurt again, but he also isn’t exactly surprised when it happens. If anything, Hotch really needs to stop sending him out to scope places and suspects out by himself. Surely Tobias Hankel proved he’s a trouble magnet in that regard years ago.

The summerhouse the suspect rents is a nice enough place to lay incapacitated while he waits for back-up, he supposes, but he’s not exactly able to lie and enjoy the sunshine when his ribs have been smashed in with a metal baseball bat and he knows the suspect is currently hightailing it down the beach. Not to mention the fact that it’s worryingly difficult to breathe.

Still, it’s better than a dilapidated cabin in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere Georgia, pumped full of heroin while his feet are whipped. Small mercies.

“Goddamnit, Spencer, again?” Derek asks amusedly when he finally arrives and crouches down by his side, but the undercurrent of worry in his voice doesn’t elude him.

“Sorry,” he wheezes, still winded and in immense pain from the ambush. “I didn’t see him coming.”

Derek raises a brow, chuckling slightly. “Yeah, pretty boy, I figured that.” His hand goes to Spencer’s hair as his expression furrows in concern again. “Did you see where he went? I’ll send the others after him while I go with you to the hospital.”

Spencer smiles a little, relieved that he won’t be alone. It’s become a strange sort of tradition to sit in one another’s hospital rooms after the job kicks their ass, and he’s glad Derek isn’t about to break it now.

“I saw him turn right out of the backdoor, but that’s all,” he says breathlessly, before cringing at the effort and folding in on himself even more.

“Okay, Spencer,” Derek says soothingly. “Just relax. The ambulance will be here any second.”

He obeys and closes his eyes as he listens to Derek call Hotch on the radio and send the team in the right direction before coming back to sit next to him on the floor.

“This might be one of the nicer places one of our unsubs has owned, huh?”

Spencer nods, mirroring Derek’s morbid amusement. “Crime pays better than investigating it,” he manages, smiling up at his friend.

He snorts. “You can say that again. With the way the market’s turned in the last couple years it’s more like this is my hobby and my properties are my day job, rather than the other way round.”

Spencer tries to reply, but he moves involuntarily in amusement, and a fresh wave of pain has him wincing again, trying to will the tears away.

“You’re alright, Spence,” Derek says gently, his hand returning to his hair. “Help will be here soon, okay?”

Thankfully, the medics do show up in a semi-timely fashion, and both of them are loaded into the back of the ambulance as the EMTs check him over, Derek’s hand not leaving his person unless it absolutely has to.

“How many times were you hit, Dr Reid?”

He cringes. “Four.” It’s almost embarrassing that the unsub got four hits in, and the only reason there weren’t more is because he was fleeing the scene, not because Spencer was able to fight back. He tries to remind himself that there isn’t much you can do when caught-off guard by a furious arsonist armed with a steel baseball bat, but his ego is still bruised. Albeit not as badly as his poor ribs.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” Derek mutters under his breath, his grip tightening on Spencer’s shoulder minutely enough for him to know he isn’t doing it consciously.

Spencer smiles appreciatively, closing his eyes against the pain. The non-narcotic painkillers they’re feeding him through the IV really aren’t doing anything.

“I think you’ve managed to avoid internal bleeding,” the EMT says, all though he tacks on a pointed, “just. But I’m concerned about the possibility of a punctured lung. There’s a chance your trouble breathing is solely pain-induced, but I don’t like the way your chest sounds. The doctors will check everything out when we get to the hospital, and get you all patched up.”

“Hold in there,” Derek says urgently. “I really can’t have you dying on me, pretty boy.”

Spencer smiles as comfortingly as he can through the immense pain in his chest and his mangled breathing. “Trust me, I don’t intend on it.”

The x-ray reveals two broken ribs and confirms the paramedic’s suspicions of a punctured lung, although thankfully, minor enough to not require surgery. He’s set up with oxygen and regular nurse check-ups in a quiet room after the doctor is able to remove the excess air in his chest cavity.

“How are you doing, Spence?” Derek asks worriedly as he pulls up a chair next to Spencer’s bed as soon as he’s allowed to see him.

He pulls away his oxygen facemask to answer. “A bit better,” he says, but his voice is dry and raspy from the oxygen so he certainly doesn’t sound it. “The pain meds are actually working now.”

Derek’s tight, anxious expression relaxes slightly. “That’s at least something.”

Spencer nods tiredly, but before he can respond, a nurse is popping her head round the door. “Dr. Reid,” she says genially, “sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to let you know that we’ve managed to get a hold of your emergency contact, and they’re on their way.”

Spencer’s eyes widen. How could he have forgotten? Granted, he was a little preoccupied with the whole punctured lung, broken ribs thing, but how could he have let it slip his mind that this little accident would lead to the secret he’s been keeping under wraps getting out?

When he’d first met Luke at an FBI gala last year, he never could have foreseen the most intimate and special relationship of his life coming to fruition, but it had. They’d connected on so many different levels, and the chemistry between them felt like something out of one of the fantastical romance novels Penelope reads, and when he’d asked if it was okay for Spencer to put Luke down as his updated emergency contact, he’d been rewarded with a wide, beautiful grin and a firm, heartfelt kiss.

It was serious enough, sure, and they were coming up on having been together for a year, but besides Emily and Penelope — who’d met Luke and developed an amusing, playful rivalry with him — he hadn’t introduced him to anyone on the team.

“On their way?” Derek asks, raising an eyebrow in mild confusion. “Isn’t your contact Hotch? He already knows you’re in the hospital.”

Spencer just stares at him like a rabbit caught in the headlights, completely blanking on something to say. They’re working a local case, so it won’t be long before Luke is bursting into his hospital room armed with cuddles and comfort, and as much as he craves that, he’s too busy panicking about his team finding out to really look forward to it.

Eventually, after watching Derek’s face morph into even stronger, more suspicious confusion, he gives up. They’re going to find out anyway. “I’m dating someone.”

Derek’s face lights up. “Pretty boy!” he exclaims happily, playfully pushing his shoulder as gently as he can. “That’s amazing! Why didn’t you say something? What’s her name?”

Ah. That’s the primary reason he hadn’t told his team about Luke. He’s nowhere close to being ashamed about his sexuality, he accepted himself decades ago, but he’s still not worked up the courage to share that part of himself with his team. Excluding Penelope and Emily who have been together for years (he’s still baffled as to how the others haven’t caught on yet), everyone’s in the dark.

It had started as a basic survival tactic. He’d joined the FBI two years younger than the standard entry age in the early 2000s, and he was far too concerned with just getting by than living outwardly as a gay man. And then, as time went by and he knew his team was accepting and welcoming, he found it too awkward to try and correct people when they assumed he was straight. There just wasn’t ever the right time.

“I’m gay.”

Derek’s happy expression falls and for a split second, Spencer feels a flash of panic. Maybe Derek’s okay with gay people as long as they’re not his immediate friends, as long as he doesn’t playfully call them ‘pretty boy’ and play with their hair when they’re injured, maybe—

“Well, what’s his name, then?”

Spencer looks up from his panic, seeing Derek smiling again, eyes maybe even brighter than they were just seconds ago.

“Wait—”

“Spencer, if you think I’m gonna care that you’re gay — if you think any of us will care that you’re gay, then you have another thing coming,” Derek reassures him. “Wait, that isn’t why you didn’t tell us right?”

He suddenly looks distraught at the idea that Spencer might not have felt comfortable coming out to him, and Spencer rushes to correct him. “No! No, I know everyone would be fine with it, I just didn’t really know how to say it. Penelope and Emily know, but only by accident.”

Derek relaxes, chuckling a little. “I’m sure there’s quite a story there.”

Spencer blushes. “Maybe.”

“I’ll find out later,” he says confidently, winking at him, and something in Spencer loosens at the fact that Derek hasn’t changed his behaviour at all. “But I’m more interested in Mr. Sexy Emergency Contact Mystery Boyfriend Man right now.”

Spencer outright laughs at that, before wincing painfully as his ribs twinge, and he has to fit the oxygen mask around his face again and breathe deeply for a couple of breaths before the nasal cannula can suffice again.

“I met him around this time last year at an FBI gala actually,” Spencer manages. “Everyone on our team bailed except Penelope, Emily, and me. He’s called Luke and he works in the Fugitive Task Force. We just clicked as soon as we met, you know? We have this chemistry that I’ve never felt with anyone before, and we started dating pretty quickly. We actually moved in together last month when his lease was up, but we’re thinking of moving to a bigger, nicer place in Mount Pleasant. Luke’s actually had his eye on this one house that went up…”

He trails off when he notices Derek looking at him strangely, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “What?”

“Nothing,” Derek says gently. “You just look happy, pretty boy. When you started talking about Luke you got this happy, dopey smile on your face, and I’ve just never seen you like that. It’s nice.”

“Oh.” He blushes fiercely at the acknowledgement of just how soft he is for his boyfriend, but it’s not embarrassing, he’s just ridiculously happy and head over heels in love.

Still, feeling a little awkward at the attention, he raises the oxygen mask to his face just for something to do.

“Does he treat you well?” Derek asks seriously, suddenly looking like the FBI tough guy he really is.

Spencer grins and nods, pulling the mask away again. “So good. He’s one of those people that looks out for everyone before himself, you know? He listens to my rambles and tangents like he actually knows and cares about what I’m saying, and he insists on making me every meal we’re both home for. Every day off, he brings me breakfast in bed, and he’ll even suffer through my documentaries even though his favourite thing to watch is action movies. He’s the best boyfriend I could hope for.”

“Good,” Derek says fiercely, even though he’s smiling just a little at the thought of Spencer being taken care of. “But if anything ever changes, I won’t hesitate to—”

“Spencer?” Derek’s interrupted by the door flying over, and a very harried looking Luke Alvez rushing towards the bed, seemingly not noticing the man literally threatening his death right next to him. “Oh my God, Spencer, I was so worried, I thought—”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Spencer says, voice still a little weak. Can’t he at least sound convincing when he’s trying to tell these people that he’s fine? “I’m okay, I’ll be out of here before you know it.”

“Are you sure, baby? Do I need to get the doctor? Have they been looking after you, because I swear—”

“Luke,” he laughs, interrupting his worried tangent. “I’m fine, I promise.”

He watches amusedly as Luke sags with relief. “Oh thank God,” he breathes, and it’s then that he appears to notice Derek. “Oh, shit.”

He looks to Spencer with an alarmed look in his eyes, knowing full well that he isn’t out to his team yet, but before apologies can start dripping off his lips, he rushes to fill him in.

“It’s okay. I told him.”

Luke’s face brightens in an illuminating smile, his eyes wide and happy. “You did? I’m so proud of you, cariño.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Derek says, rising from his chair to shake Luke’s hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you in the last ten minutes.”

Luke grins. “All good things, I hope.”

Derek winks teasingly at Spencer. “Oh, better than good. Spencer here seems quite gone for you.”

He blushes again, but Luke just sits on the edge of his hospital bed and takes his face in his hand. “Well, I’m just as gone for him as he is for me. Probably even more so.”

“No way,” Spencer protests as vehemently as he can with an oxygen mask glued to his face again. “I definitely love you more.”

His words are half swallowed by the mask, and half muffled by the gaggle of FBI agents pouring into his room, all talking over one another loudly.

Luke jumps off the bed and stands to attention as they all quieten down, three of them in complete shock, one of them — Emily, recognising Luke — in anticipation of what’s about to happen.

“Uh,” Spencer starts unsurely, eyes flicking between his boyfriend and his team. “Meet my boyfriend?”

There’s a brief pause before everyone jumps into action again: Emily greeting him warmly, JJ introducing herself, and Hotch and Rossi giving him firm, threatening handshakes as a warning that no harm is to come to their pseudo-son.

Spencer knows they don’t have to worry about that, though, not with Luke, and they’re quickly shown that when he takes his rightful place sat on the edge of his hospital bed again, hands smoothing his hair gently.

“Thank you,” he says to Derek, voice soft and sincere as everyone’s sat leisurely around the room, doing their own thing now they’re calmed down after the initial meet and greet, “for taking care of him. I worry about him, you know, and it’s good to see that he has so many good people looking after him.”

“We all do,” Derek replies, looking over at Spencer fondly. “We’re all incredibly overprotective. Residual effects from him joining the team so young, probably.”

“I can see that,” Luke smiles, looking over at Hotch and Rossi, who still have their eyes trained on him, despite having warmed up to him quickly.

“Well between us all,” Emily interjects diplomatically, “I think we have Spencer covered. He has a lot of good people looking out for him.”

Spencer knows they all think he’s asleep, but he can’t help but say something. “I definitely do,” he slurs tiredly, causing Luke to quickly turn his attention to him, pressing a tender kiss to his forehead as he runs his fingers through his hair with the hand not intertwined with Spencer’s. “Love you.”

“I love you too, baby,” Luke murmurs. “And so does everybody in this room.”

Smiling softly and feeling safe as anything, Spencer finally gives into the heavy pull of tiredness, and lets himself drift off to sleep.

I'm such a sucker for coming out fics omg, I hope you didn't mind that element! But God, I've missed writing Ralvez fics. If anyone has any Ralvez prompts then please send them my way because I want to write them so badly but I really find it hard to find plot for them! <3

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @hotchseyebrows @reidology @spencerspecifics @tobias-hankel @goobzoop @marsjareau @garcias-bitch @oliverbrnch @im-autistic @anxious-enby @kuolonsyoja @ropoto

[ekaterinatepes]

Nothing but the Best

Author Notes: hello again my loves! Thank you for all your likes, reviews and specially your comments! I love it when you make questions and in general let me know what you think about the chapter. Thank you once more for all your support!

XII.

They say time heals all wounds, but there are some wounds that run so deep they refuse to stop bleeding.

https://youtu.be/s1tAYmMjLdY

A cold September afternoon welcomed the dying rays of the sun, the incandescent amber tones of the twilight illuminated the streets of Tokyo, ever so vibrant; full of life, people, delicious food, kaleidoscopic colors, laughter, children running…. Couples holding hands.

A tall man with a blindfold walked down a heavily transited sidewalk with his hands in his pockets and a small bag of pastries hanging off the side. Slowly, he made his way further away from the more concentric streets towards a park, he found a bench near a fountain and took a seat placing his bag right next to him.

The world remained the same and yet everything seemed to have changed, the days were now long and boring, conversations with people didn’t manage to hold his attention for long; missions were repetitive. Everything seemed… dull, opaque, flavorless, empty…

Everything, except perhaps his students who were the only sliver of hope he had left. Those kids would make it far in life, they were going to change the world and he was going to be there to help them along the way. A sad smile pulls at his peachy lips. You would have liked that. After all, the kids also enjoyed your company back in the day when you were still his. It was as if you had become their adoptive mother of sorts at some point. Your nurturing nature guided you to care for others.

A year ago when Yuuji was placed under his care and tutelage at Jujutsu High it had been hard for the boy. At the time the kid had just lost his only living relative and to top it off he also consumed the most powerful curse ever known to man kind.

He had so much responsibility on his shoulders Satoru couldn’t help but make the connection with himself when he was a kid his age. That’s how Satoru decided to take him home for dinner one night; he couldn’t have been more pleased with his decision. Of course, you adored Yuuji. His sweet snd enthusiastic personality, his polite manners and naiveté made him just endearing in your eyes.

Even Megumi, who barely spoke with his more taciturn approach asked about you. Satoru didn’t know how to answer. The dark haired boy would also come and visit your home to help you prepare some foreign delicacies you loved to cook. Sighing once more he ran his hands through his white hair.

***-Flashback-***

“So where’s Y/N-san? I haven’t seen her in a long time?” Asked Megumi right after Satoru returned from New York. It caught him by surprise

“She… she doesn’t live in Japan anymore” was all he said before changing the subject. Megumi looked at him with eyes wide open but decided not to pry.

Yeah… that probably was weird. Someone asks you about your spouse and you say they moved out of the country. It was pretty obvious what that meant.

***~End Flash Back~***

Sighing he opened the small paper bag containing his mochi, he loved his desert but lately he didn’t even have the will to indulge in sweets anymore. Satoru consumed insane amounts of sugar to stimulate his brain. The problem was that during the past year all that stimulation manifested in the form of vivid memories of you. Your voice, your smell, your presence. It was as if his brain chose to take him down the path to misery, as if to rub on his face what he could never have.

As of last week you were officially not Y/N Gojo anymore. He finally signed those blasted papers giving you your freedom and his capitulation.

It had been one of the worst days of his life.

After signing the divorce Satoru went straight to the liquor store where he found that exotic apricot liquor he liked in New York and bought a bottle. Once he made it back home he proceeded to get drunk out of his mind. The next morning he woke up by the pool, laying down on a tanning chair, wearing only a pair of boxers and hugging your wedding picture.

His head was killing him, at some point he had emptied his insides in the pool. A disgusted grimace reminded him he had to hire some help to take care of the house that was an absolute disaster, faithfully reflecting the state of its owner.

That morning, nursing a hangover he swore off alcohol for the rest of his life.

But hey! On the positive side he didn’t remember at all that night! Which means he ‘probably’ didn’t think about you (yeah right! As if he was ever not thinking about you) and how much he hated the fact you were not his Y/N Gojo anymore. You were not his wife anymore…

The memory made him want to cry like a baby. He lost the person he loved the most in his life because he had been one flaming idiot.

Despite all his efforts he could not forget you. Wherever he went, whatever he did… there you were, tormenting his waking and sleeping hours like his own personal curse.

He tried to get over you. He tried to be the asshole you knew him to be. He slept with so many women he couldn’t even count. But at the end of the night, in the throes of passion it was your face that he saw, your body that he craved, your flavor that he yearned and your name the one he called out when he climaxed.

He was absolutely fucked.

Revisiting memories of the last night he saw you he couldn’t believe how stupid he had been at the time. It took him so long to realize he had always been in love with you but Satoru, being well… himself, he didn’t want to see or admit that he had been head over heels, madly in love with you. He was a cynical bastard and that had cost him dearly. He chose to lie to himself thinking that THE Gojo Satoru was above all human weaknesses… including love. What an ignorant fucker he had been.

He wondered how you were doing and if you ever thought about him.

A frown made his handsome face look stern. Well… you were not alone anymore. Suguru also had stayed back in New York with you. After Satoru returned to Japan, Ijichi told him Geto Suguru wouldn’t be working out of Japan anymore. He had requested a transfer to the Americas.

Of course he did…

It had been one of the reasons Satoru fucked so many women. In his delusional mind he was ‘getting even’ with you for sleeping with Suguru. Not that he knew for a fact you were sleeping with him or not but… I mean….

Come on! It’s mother fucking Geto Suguru we are talking about here! 6’2 of pure sculpted muscles, tattoos and bad boy looks but with a Prince Charming complex. Yeah… Satoru was green with jealousy because he knew his former best friend was a better man for you than he ever was.

Looking down at his mochi bag he realized the small item had paid the price of his anger as he uncurled his death grip from the bag. Sighing he tossed the ruined pastry in the trash can to his left.

“Miss you….” He whispered to the wind.

———–

“I’m home!” You announced walking into your apartment. Setting you bag down as well as a couple of grocery bags “did you start dinner already?” You ask pleasantly surprised although you already knew the answer to that question since all the apartment smelled fantastic. Suguru walked out of the kitchen with a big smile wearing an apron that read ‘Kiss the Cheff’ nods “yes! I figured I would give you a hand tonight!” He answered as you walked to him to wrap your arms around his waist and give him a chaste kiss on his cheek “thank you Sugu. How was your mission?” You asked deciding to set up the table while Suguru finished dinner. “Not too bad actually, it was a special grade but nothing I couldn’t deal with” you returned a bright smile “I’m glad”

Your friendship with Suguru had slowly evolved into something else. You both spent all of your free time together. Your connection was deeper than mere sexual attraction. Suguru truly understood you, cared for you, shared your dreams and hopes. He was the type of poetic soul who would stay awake with you well into the night just to talk about the stars, the book you read that week that you loved, the new music you liked. It was wholesome.

On the more carnal side you desired Suguru and he desired you but you hadn’t taken what was going on between you two further than a few passionate make-out sessions and some cuddling.

After you last saw Satoru everything became worse before it got better. Suguru had been your rock, he had been there for the sleepless nights you spent crying. Without a word he held you in his strong arms and allowed you to let go. He knew you were deeply wounded, your emotions in disarray and your mental stability in peril. But Suguru never asked anything from you, he gave you the strength to go on. To take care of yourself, to keep going with your career. To have… hope.

It seemed like a dream to think that your life had changed so much in the span of a year. You weren’t able to recognise yourself anymore. Pain and duress molded you into someone new, better, more resilient, harder to hurt.

At this point, the only person you fully trusted was Suguru, he was always honest with you, no matter what happened or how much something hurt, he always remained true to himself and to you.

It was impossible not to love someone like him. He was the whole package.

Suguru was handsome, that was indisputable. But Geto was more than a pretty face. He was kind, truly kind! He did things out of the goodness of his heart, not because he expected anything in return. He was honest, Suguru Geto would never lie to you and THAT is what you loved the most about him.

He was patient.

He wanted you to be his but at the same time Suguru wanted you to heal, to have the chance to trust and love again, not as a means to forget about Satoru but because you wanted to choose a new path for yourself.

After diner you helped with the dishes and then settled on the couch. Suguru joined with a smile and two glasses of wine. He handed you one and sipped on the other one “what would you like to watch tonight Kitten?” He asked sitting next to you while picking a movie from the titles available on the screen of the tv.

“Anything you like! It’s your turn to pick” you said with a smile, leaning your head on his shoulder making Suguru smile. These tender displays of affection always made him feel so warm. Passing an arm around your shoulders he kissed your forehead.

You look up into his hazel eyes you blush. Suguru didn’t lose a second before he closed the space between your lips. The kiss was soft but meaningful, you didn’t hesitate to return it; wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to then climb on his lap straddling his hips.

The handsome sorcerer leans back, relaxing and running his hands slowly up and down your naked thighs covered only by the small fabric of your shorts, he strokes them softly leaving a path of warmth in the wake of his touch. Suguru deepened the kiss. His tongue delved in your mouth, slowly inviting yours to join the delicious dance. After a few minutes you pulled back, you are breathless. Your heart beats fast and the adrenaline was making you dizzy in anticipation.

Suguru looks at you, leaning his forehead against yours “I missed you” he ads before engulfing you in another passionate kiss, not even giving you the chance to reply. This time his lips are more demanding, his teeth nibbling your lower lip, requesting entrance. His tongue still tastes like the wine and you recognize his addictive flavor. Suddenly you find yourself laying on your back on the white couch, Suguru is on top of you and your legs are wrapped around his waist. Things are getting much more heated than you anticipated. Your hands roam the expanse of his back over hard muscles and warm skin covered only by the thin layer of his t-shirt. You know if you keep going this way you won’t be able to stop.

https://youtu.be/yBatuRGZAmA

A part of you doesn’t want this to end, you want to go all the way with Suguru. But… as much as you hate it, there is a tiny part of you that feels ambivalent about it. You wonder why is that you can’t just… do it!? You want Suguru! God! You desire him more than you can express with words, the growing wetness between your legs is evidence that you indeed were very much sexually attracted to him and yet your mind kept torturing you.

It was… complicated.

Your marriage with Satoru have been over longer than that piece of paper you got last week said. But erasing your feelings wasn’t something you could ever hope to do.

As much as you wanted to give yourself to Suguru it felt wrong that you were holding a part of yourself back. You wanted to give him everything, he deserved EVERYTHING of you. It wouldn’t be fair to just have sex with him when he deserved to be made love to.

You love Suguru, everyday that goes by your feelings for him grow and intensify, it was hard to even understand why would you hesitate and yet you did.

Your passionate kiss slowly becomes more tender until you are just sharing small pecks. Suguru pulls back with a little comforting smile; he felt the change in your body language, he knew what was going through your mind. You explained it to him before and he didn’t want to push you. He knew you needed to go at your own pace and he respected that.

“I’m… so-“ you starts apologetically but Suguru stops you with a little kiss “don’t… don’t apologize, I know baby…” he said reassuringly. Sealing his tender words with a kiss. When you separate again he asks “Alright little kitten, tell me… what’s it gonna be? ‘Dorian Grey’ or ‘Only Lovers Left Alive’?” Pulling you in his strong arms he cuddled with you on the couch, returning to the choices for movie you had.

You were so thankful for this man in your life “let’s go with ‘Only Lovers left Alive’”

With a last kiss he started the movie and pulled a blanket over you both.

He could wait, he would wait till the end of time. For you.

———-> Chapter 13/Part 1

Tags:

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@jxvajxy

@satoruhooraaa

@my-reality-is-in-my-head

@dok-ja

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@fiona782

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@actualdeemon

[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (11)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, ANGST, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

SERIES:  CHAPTER 10 | CHAPTER 12

"You don't have to pay me, Guk."

 Jeongguk shook his head instantly. Yoongi was being absurd. How could he not pay his older friend?

 "I know you have the money, but I can't just take ten thousand dollars from you, hyung." The younger boy pouted his lips.

Yoongi should know by now that Jeongguk hated owing people something.

 Debt of gratitude sucked. It couldn't be paid. Ever. Jeongguk didn't want that. He hated sleeping at night thinking that someone out there could manipulate his feelings—this was how he perceived debt of gratitude: a manipulation. It was because he felt like he was bound please the person who helped him. It was as though he needed to act in accordance to the likes of said person.

 "Fine." Yoongi shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't care about any of this. "Pay me whenever you want,"

 Jeongguk snorted as your voice echoed inside his head. If you were here, you would tell Yoongi that he couldn't just tell his debtor to pay him whenever he wanted. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

 Civil obligations like this one was only enforceable for ten years. If Jeongguk couldn't pay within the said period, the obligation would then become a natural one—something that would only be paid out of conscience.

 Jeongguk shook his head. Why was he thinking about the stupid law? Why couldn't he stop imagining your pretty smile as you talked about certain provisions? Why was he hesitating to accept his hyung's money?

 And most importantly, why didn't he want to leave you now?

 Your soulmate loaned thousands of dollars from Yoongi just so he could pay the down payment for the apartment that he wanted buy. He promised himself that he would terminate the lease of contract with you after four months. He just couldn't live with you anymore.

 You were supposed to be temporary in his life; however, with the way you were invading his mind even though you weren't around, Jeongguk realized that you were his constant.

 You were the only person who could tolerate his bratty attitude. You were the only person who couldn't get mad at him. You were the only person who made him feel special and needy—Jeon Jeongguk needed your attention so much that he felt like had to run.

 He didn't know when it started, especially because he believed he was not over Red yet.

 Red.

 Was Red the reason why Jeongguk wanted to leave you?

 This was what you thought while clutching the paper on your chest.

 It hurt, but as usual you had to pretend like you were okay.

 "Your parents are back in their hotel," said by Jeongguk the moment he entered your apartment.

 He was back from the thirty-minute drive.

 Your parents were scheduled to fly to Jeju Island tomorrow morning.

 "That's good." You discreetly wiped your tears away, trying so hard to make your tone sound enthusiastic. 

 Your back was facing him since you were afraid to let him see you crying.

 You didn't want to pester Jeongguk regarding his plan to leave. You felt like he wouldn't appreciate the drama you would obviously bring.

  Jeongguk didn't deserve drama—not when it was clear that he was exhausted. He took care of you these past weeks. The only thing you could do was to give him a damn break even if it meant sleepless night as questions like 'why am I not enough?' clouded your mind.

 "Thanks, Jeongguk. Goodnight!" You hastily added, refusing to look at him as you made your way to your room.

 "Wait," he stopped you like the way he did earlier today. This time, however, he stopped you by breaking your heart even more.

 "C-Can I sleep in your room tonight?" Jeongguk swallowed the lump in his throat; his heart was beating so fast.

 You flinched.

 How dare he ask something so insensitive?

 "Why?" Your lips trembled as you finally found the courage to look at him. It was a wrong move, though. You couldn't do it. You couldn't look at him without tears filling your eyes.

 Looking at Jeon Jeongguk made you realize what you could never have: him.

 You were grateful he's averting your gaze. Jeongguk couldn't meet your eyes as well. He was embarrassed and afraid. What if you rejected him? He didn't have any reason to cuddle with you tonight. Jimin was right. Your parents were the solution to help you get back on your feet. It was as though they had some kind of power. You didn't look like you needed your soulmate to make you feel better anymore. 

 You were back to your old self.

 Sadly Jeongguk had no idea that you were just pretending. He didn't know that you were forced to be okay once again. He wasn't even aware that he was one of the reasons why you're acting like everything was fine.

 "I just want to make sure you're alright," his voice was barely audible.

 Jeon Jeongguk was a liar. The truth was you weren't the only one getting used to cuddling with each other. Jeongguk was also craving to embrace you—to listen to your controlled breathing and raging heartbeat.

 "Really?" You suddenly huffed, causing Jeongguk to flick his gaze at you.

 Your soulmate was a good liar, you were not.

 There's a point where pain was too much to handle.

 Jeongguk was staring at you with puzzled expression. His mouth went agape upon seeing the tears streaming down your face.

 "You want to make sure I'm okay so you can finally leave?"

 "What?" He furrowed his brow, clearly not understanding the words you just said. How could he focus on anything when all he could see was your tears?

 Jeongguk wanted to wipe your stupid tears, but you weren't letting him.

 You took three steps backwards when he tried to reach for your face.

 Anger, frustration, and pain. All of these are visible in your eyes. Your thoughts were poisoning your mind—making you imagine what you thought Jeongguk felt.

 "You...called my parents b'cause you're t-tired of me, right?" You slurred.

 You wanted to run to your room since you knew you couldn't stop speaking your thoughts anymore. This wasn't right. You told yourself you weren't going to make this hard for your soulmate, so why couldn't he do the same thing for you?

 Why was he cornering you? Why couldn't he just go away? 

 And why couldn't you stop the venom in your words?

 "You don't want to deal with me anymore. You want to leave but you're guilty. You feel like you are responsible for my pain," this must be it. You kept thinking what triggered his sudden change of behavior. It couldn't be because he finally realized that he liked you too.

 No. That couldn't be right. The only plausible explanation for this was because of the guilt he felt. He only started to act like he cared when you told him that he hurt you too.

 "That's not true..." But Jeongguk was quick to dismiss the negative thoughts inside your head.

 You inhaled deeply. Fresh tears stained your cheeks.

 "What's the truth, then?" You picked up the paper that would prove his intention to leave.

 It was too late to stop now. You were already acting pathetic in front of him. 

 "Why didn't you tell me you bought an apartment?" You continued to ask despite knowing the reason.

 You didn't. You were imagining things. What you think was different from what Jeongguk felt. Admittedly, his eyes widened. He wasn't expecting you to confront him about this. Hell. You weren't even supposed to find out this way.

 Jeongguk was planning to simply sign the contract to terminate your lease agreement with him, leave your apartment in the middle of the night and never come back.

 Guess he couldn't do it now, huh?

 "I-I," he trailed off instantly. How could he explain this to you when he himself didn't know why he wanted to leave?

 Jeongguk wished it was easy to face his emotions. He identified them, but he still didn't know what to do—not even after spending weeks cuddling with you.

 He needed to be alone, he needed to figure out what he felt and what this all meant to him on his own.

 "Is it me, Gukkie?" You sobbed and your soulmate's heart clenched.

 Your back was against the wall, Jeongguk was standing so close to you to the point that he could literally see the tears forming in your eyes.

 It broke him more.

 "Did I cross the line? Am I being too pushy? Annoying? Hard do deal with?"

 Jeongguk could only bite his bottom lip.

 You proceeded to list the things your former maids despised about you.

 "Is Miri too much too handle? Am I picky with the food? Is it hard to wake me up in the morning?"

 Jeongguk avoided your eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

 You noticed that he couldn't speak. Why? Was it difficult to admit the truth?

 "Or am I not buying you enough things?"

 The conflicted boy shook his head vigorously. You did not understand anything.

 "Do you need a new laptop? New clothes? Art materials?" You sounded so desperate. "Tell me, Gukkie. I'll do anything you want."

 "I don't need you to do anything." He said coldly as he moved away from you.

 Pain attacked your chest when you saw indifference dancing in his face.

 "You're still leaving me?" You quivered in fear. You were really pathetic. You said to yourself that you wanted him to go away, but the thought of him actually leaving made your stomach turn upside down.

 "Yes."

 It felt like an arrow shot you in the heart.

 How could he not stutter? Was he really decided to leave you?

 Jeongguk saw how his answer affected you, so he immediately defended himself.

 "I mean it's about right. I told you I'm gonna stay here for a few months. It's over now. I don't want to be your tenant anymore."

 "But why!" You whined. This wasn't fair! How could he decide without consulting you first? This was a reciprocal obligation. You deserved to know his reasons.

 Jeongguk scowled. He wanted to leave now. It was getting unbearable to see you cry—it was as though his chest was going to explode.

 "Do I really need a reason?" His frown deepened. "Can't I just leave because I don't want to be with you anymore?" A lie.

 "You're lying." You refused to believe him even if you knew he was telling the truth. This wasn't you. You weren't like this. It was unlike of you to keep pushing Jeongguk. You teased him all the time, but you didn't mean to make him uncomfortable. His happiness was your top priority.

 You swore you just wanted to know the truth. You deserved a reasonable explanation. He couldn't just say he didn't want to be with you. If he couldn't love you, then he should at least be able to respect you like a normal person.

 "Why would I lie—"

 "Because I'm your soulmate!" You cut him off. Your emotions were overflowing.

 Why couldn't you just let him go?

 "And I love you, Jeongguk." You cried. The table had turned. Just a few breaths ago, he was the one begging to touch you. Right now, however, it was you who was desperately trying to latch on him.

 Jeongguk pushed your hand away. He couldn't have you touching him. It would only make it harder for him to leave.

 "I love you so please don't leave me—"

 "You don't." He cut you off, flinching so hard because of how much he hated your confession. He felt like he was gonna puke.

 "I do, Guk. I love you—"

 "No!" Jeongguk insisted otherwise. He was being stubborn and it was irritating you.

 Who did he think he was to tell you what you felt?

 "You don't love me, okay!? You are wrong in all of this!" He took a step back. He was acting as if your touch was going to burn him.

 "You are delusional. Too caught up with the idea of soulmate that you failed to see the truth!"

 Jeongguk was shaking in frustration. He hated that he had to be mean just to make you understand things—similar to what Red did.

 "I can see the truth! I know the truth!" You carried on.

 He was the one being blinded here, not you.

 "You're just ignoring the signs, Jeongguk. The universe wants us to be together!"

 This wasn't a coincidence. You couldn't be wrong—not when he could see colors because of the love you felt for him.

 But he used this against you.

 "I am not your soulmate." His jaw clenched. "Your eyes can tell."

 You stopped breathing.

 "Your eyes tell." He repeated.

 Your mouth felt dry.

 It felt like you had been stabbed straight in the heart.

 If he was your soulmate, if he ever loved you—or cared, you would see colors by now.

 But no.

 You still see in black and white.

 Your eyes would not lie because Jeon Jeongguk was right....

 Your Eyes Tell.

[phoenixyfriend]

That One Fucked-Up Rexwalker AU

OKAY so people showed interest in this! Cool! This is... actually you know what, yeah, this falls into dead dove territory. It's kind of angst with a happy ending? At the very least it's hurt/comfort.

Warnings: rape as psychological torture by an enemy party, later dubious consent by parties that are at least trying to make it consensual but the situation makes it difficult to navigate

This was inspired partially by the first chapter of this collection by @the-writing-mill, which features Obi-Wan getting absolutely railed by a fucking machine set up by droids who don't understand consent. I got to thinking about the set-up and slid sideways into a slightly different context.

So Anakin, in all his shitty luck, gets captured, as one does. Whoever captures him has strict instructions to avoid physically damaging him or permanently fucking up his connection to the Force, because they'd like to use him as a weapon eventually, but to play around with his psychological damage in whatever way suits.

We'll say it's Ventress, who vastly prefers horrifying physical damage for torture, or killing/hurting people's loved ones in front of them, and now has to get creative to deal with Skywalker, because for whatever reason, she only managed to get Anakin and not any of his friends.

Obviously, Palpatine is the one saying 'don't damage the good.' She doesn't know that, though, just that Dooku said His Sith Master said to leave Skywalker intact for later.

So the easy route to psychological damage is, well, rape. But she's not into him, and there aren't really any other sentients in her little torture castle, but last she checked Skywalker is really needy? She's picked up on the fact that this guy really loves Having people.

She handles it: strip him down, strap him down, and get a fucking machine involved. Naked and cold and with a pipe leaking from the ceiling. Let a protocol droid keep an eye on things so he doesn't have some kind of permanent physical damage, but basically just have him unceasingly fucked for like a week, sometimes edging and sometimes forcing and sometimes just really digging into the oversensitivity, whether he's awake or asleep or what. Nothing but air and metal, and sometimes Ventress when she comes by to taunt him. There's magic involved to up his sexual craving without making it any easier on him.

It's fucked up but he does get saved! Eventually!

Ventress did her job, didn't enjoy it, and doesn't care that he's gone. She has people to kill, okay, she's bored.

So, you know, Anakin needs time to recover. He doesn't try to argue that he doesn't, at least partly because he's having trouble standing. He'll be fine! Stop worrying, guys! It's fine!

It's not fine, everyone tells him, because that was fucked!

It takes a while to get back to Coruscant. It's normally a few days, but there's a disruption on the hyperlane they'd use, sooooooo they're stuck.

Anakin tries to make some calls to Padme. When the calls connect, she helps. Obi-Wan was part of the rescue team, so he's there to do what he can, but Anakin keeps flinching away. Ahsoka is helpful because Anakin's hindbrain reads her as Not A Threat, but nobody's telling her what kind of torture Anakin was dealing with, because she's Designated Baby.

Anakin is alternately overwhelmed by physical touch and craving it, and the fact that he just got the Force back isn't helping.

(It later comes to light that the reason he flinches from Obi-Wan and Ahsoka is because they've got the Force and a person with the Force approaching for that week meant Ventress, and that's--not great. And it's just a LOT and REALLY BRIGHT after his time in the Force-nullifying cuffs.)

So Anakin spends a lot of time alone, craving people while being deeply unnerved by the ones he's most able to ask for that sort of thing (his master and padawan). Rex is one of a handful of clones that volunteer to check in on Anakin until they get to Coruscant. He's not the only one who walks in on Anakin shifting uncomfortably and looking red in the face, but he's the one that actually asks about it.

Anakin, with some prodding, does not admit to the problem. He does, however, admit to a different problem, and asks if Rex would be okay with a hug, or maybe putting an arm around Anakin's shoulder, or--actually, no, this is stupid, forget he said anythi-- Rex sits down next to him and pulls Anakin into his side and just lets Anakin relax into him.

Anakin starts shivering. Shuddering. Crying, after a while. Rex lets it happen and tries not to panic, just rubs an hand up and down Anakin's arm.

They don't really talk about it, but Anakin does end up cuddling with Rex for a few hours a day while they try to get everyone home, and Anakin's kind of on enforced medical leave, so he can't really help until Obi-Wan comes up with a solution that gives Anakin a job directly.

Rex finally gets an answer to why Anakin keeps looking uncomfortable and close to tears but embarrassed about it. He doesn't, for the record, press for that answer. Instead, he accidentally walks in on Anakin three fingers deep in his own ass and whining into his pillow.

Which is. Awkward.

Obviously.

Turns out whatever Ventress did to him has him feeling incredibly empty without something to plug him up! It sucks! He hates it! He's been trying very hard not to submit to this need, but it's still there and he needs to be filled up and just snapped and had to do something about it!

This is, as you can imagine, not a comfortable conversation for anyone, but Rex tries to cheer him up with "Well, Jedi have stipends, right? You can probably find, uh, a toy, right? Once we're back on Coruscant? Or the Senator...?"

Anakin doesn't want Padme to know.

Anakin is also near tears but that's. Well. Rex is used to that by now.

(Anakin isn't using shipboard fabricators to make a dildo or plug because have fun explaining that on the expense report!)

So Rex is in this awkward position of having to comfort his recently-more-traumatized-than-before superior officer, whom he just walked in on furiously and tearfully masturbating due to said trauma...

And Rex is pretty much just like "Dude, please call your wife and have her talk you through the... whole... thing... I'm just, I think you'd probably feel less upset about having to fill yourself or whatever if she was talking you through it?"

They drop the subject for a bit, but Anakin is still Fucked Up in many ways, including new and exciting ones, and it turns out he hasn't been sleeping! And only sleeps if there's someone he trusts nearby!

So obviously Rex volunteers because fuck it, it's not like there's anything about his General he hasn't seen yet, right? So, yeah! Sleepy cuddles! Intended to be platonic!

Rex wakes up hard and flushed and with a very much still asleep Anakin grinding his ass against Rex's crotch.

Which, under significantly different circumstances, he'd not be upset by... But given literally everything going on, um. No?

Rex has no idea what to do, so he just kind of lays there and tries to shift away so his back is pressed to the wall and Anakin isn't accidentally trying to fuck himself in his sleep. Which works.

For about fifteen minutes.

And then Anakin is whining and shuffling back and Rex just tries to wake him up like Dude, You Don't Actually Want This, You Told Me You Don't Want This

And they separate and avoid each other and shower, and Rex leaves to go do Things while Anakin continues to try to meditate away what trauma he can before they get back to Coruscant for extremely long mandated therapy.

Rex shows up that evening to cuddle again, but Anakin tries to turn him away because He Can't Be Sexually Assualting His Friends In His Sleep, so he should honestly just sleep alone, right? Right, okay, bye Rex, Anakin is so sorry about this morning--

And Rex interrupts that he's not actually upset about it, he's just upset about Anakin being in this position, and Anakin doesn't actually want Rex so that's kind of upsetting, and Rex would be very open to this later after the war when they're not in a position to fuck up their entire legion with a change in dynamics--

And this goes back and forth for a bit before Rex realizes that Anakin does actually want him, and did before this whole Situation happened, and Anakin realizes that Rex is interested in him and NOT just trying to 'do his duty for his Jedi' or whatever.

And anyway, it turns into some very sweet lovemaking every night where Anakin gets to fall asleep with a cock in his ass, filled with cum, with Padme's blessing, until they get to Coruscant and he can find a plug for the nights they're not together (and also some therapy).

When Obi-Wan finds out they're fucking, he's actually furious and ALSO unsure of which one's taking advantage of the other.

Initially assumes Rex is taking advantage of Anakin's recent emotional traumas. Anakin protests that he asked Rex for this, and Obi-Wan is asking in horror if Anakin ordered one of the soldier under his command to do this, and it all just kind of goes very poorly.

Everyone means well. Nobody really succeeds at it.

[actuallysaiyan]

My Personal Love Story: Shikamaru

Request: "Hey! So just wanted to inquire about the event! If possible I would like it to be me and shikamaru :) Small blurb- I am a person who loves nature and is very introverted. I feel like I am definitely shy and that I get embarrassed easily (I have autism). I also love cozy things! Love language and personality- I am totally a sensitive romantic. I get very attached to my s/o and I get my feelings hurt pretty easily. I love to take care of my s/o and spoil them. I also crave affection to a fault. I am super sensitive and I do have severe anxiety so having a partner who is understanding and supportive is a must. I love being dominated when it comes to intimacy. But I also adore aftercare. Star sign~ aquarius ♒ Dates I like~ I love things like nature walks, museums, cuddling with movies, getting takeout, and going to the arcade Fav music info~ my fav genre is definitely kpop and my fav band is BTS. My favorite artist is Joji" @jmtzthehokage

Your Song: Lovesong- The Cure

Headcanons:

When Shikamaru first met you, he was a little taken aback. You were so shy and cute, but his heart was pounding in his chest, and he was seven at the time, and he didn’t like girls. But he did, and you were the apple of his eye.

As you both grew up and trained together, Shikamaru became so attached and so protective of you. Both of you had feelings for one another, but it always became so hard to confess. You were so shy and Shikamaru got so nervous when he even just thought about telling you how he felt.

Eventually, he couldn’t hold it in anymore and he kissed you. When you didn’t kiss back at first, Shikamaru pulled away and studied your face. You were a little in shock and you were blushing profusely. He tries to stammer an apology but you were already running away from him.

A few days went by, and finally you both just came to terms with how you felt and you went on a cute first date. Shikamaru took you to dinner and you had a lovely time. It was like being kids all over again, except you were so deeply in love with another.

Shikamaru is so protective of you, even though you know how to defend yourself more than adequately. He just hates the idea of anyone hurting you, either physically or emotionally. He will defend you tooth and nail, especially if Naruto decides to make some sort of stupid remark about you.

LOTS of cuddles. So much alone time together while cuddling, and lots of cloud watching on beautiful days. Shikamaru will build blanket forts in the sunshine so you both can take long cat naps together. He loves to give you soft kisses while you’re both napping, maybe even when you’re both snacking as well.

Shikamaru will always do something special for your anniversary. He always plans the best things, like ordering some take-out and watching a fun movie with you. He loves to get any time alone with you since he is a busy man, but anniversaries become so much more special.

Even though he is a very busy man, Shikamaru makes time to come home and have dinner with you every night. It’s his favorite thing to do with you on a daily basis and he loves whenever you cook him his favorite meal. You both get the opportunity to talk about your day and enjoy each other’s company.

Shikamaru loves it when you bring him lunch at his job. He can barely take a moment to think for himself some days, so he absolutely melts every time you bring him a home cooked meal. It means so much to him, and he’d be too embarrassed to tell you sometimes, but it’s what makes his day sometimes.

He is so happy that you and his two best friends got along. Ino is like a big sister to you, very protective but she gossips with you all the time. Choji is your snacking partner, but he would never ever let anyone hurt you. He’s also very protective of you. The four of you go to dinner often together and of course, Choji fights anyone for the last piece of meat.

His First Time Going Down On You:

Shikamaru looks deeply in your eyes as he removes your panties. You sigh in relief as you feel his fingers slowly spread your wet folds. He grunts when he feels how aroused you are, and he can’t help but smirk slightly. After all, he’s the one who’s made you feel this wet. He can smell your arousal and his cock stirs in his pants.

“Shika, please.” You pant as he teases you with soft touches and caresses to your clit and wet lips.

“I want to taste you,” He admits, leaning down to kiss you from your stomach down to your thighs.

He takes his time, making you so impatient to finally feel his ministrations. When his tongue first makes contact with your pussy, you can feel your toes curl and your eyes squeeze shut. Shikamaru groans as he tastes you, his tongue lapping up at your juices. He grabs you by the hips, pulling you in closer so he can taste you even more.

“Baby, you taste so damn good. I could lick your pussy forever…”you can hear the sincerity in his voice, but the subject matter is so naughty it makes you blush.

His tongue swirls around your clit before he sucks on it lightly. You buck up, your face even more red now. Shikamaru just chuckles softly, caressing your thighs softly.

“It’s okay baby, you can ride my face a little bit if you’d like to.”

You start to gain some confidence as Shikamaru continues devouring you. You truly get lost in the pleasure of it all, barely noticing his fingers prodding and teasing your warm and wet hole. His name falls from your lips in mewls and pants, making his cock ache in his pants. He wants to fuck you, but he knows he wants to make you cum on his tongue first.

“Good girl,” Shikamaru mutters between slurps. You whine as he pumps two of his fingers deep within you. He watches your reaction and allows you to adjust to his size.

“Who knows, maybe I could make you squirt all over my face?”

[jypbae7]

Me me meeee <3 I'll request a full analysis about NCT's Johnny! 😚😚 Include errrrthing baby hahaha 18+ stuff, him as a romantic partner aka bf <3 whatever you want! I'm so excited to read this akndfkgkfn 😎😎😎❤️❤️

Johnny Suh - Natal chart

Finally finished it!! Johnny was actually the most requested member I received in my inbox! Sorry that it’s nearly the length of a novel lmao but I sectioned it to make it easier to read and navigate 💕

(Not claiming to be an expert this is just for fun please don’t take anything too seriously!) Hope this is helpful and that you enjoy it 🥰❤️

Personality: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aqua Mercury, Virgo rising, Leo Mars

While Aqua is a fixed sign it is definitely the most adaptable of the 3 fixed signs due to the Air element of Aquarius plus the ever spontaneous Gemini moon. Most things that make the rest of us feel anxious tend not to seem that scary to fearless Gemini or cool as a cucumber Aquarius.

Natural social butterflies who love their tribe deeply and fiercely once they find them. Busy bodies who are easily bored if left unstimulated too long which will turn into crankiness if not rectified quickly. Thankfully Aqua & Gem have a zest for life that makes them quite easy to please. They are open minded and will gladly stay up till 3am talking about aliens and conspiracy theories, just like they are thrilled to go on last minute random trips just because why not (Gemini impulsivity at it’s finest lmao)

Gemini is a mutable sign unlike fixed Aquarius. This is a pretty big difference and something that goes under the radar with Aquas due to that cool as a cucumber attitude. Because they are adaptable and typically very easy going they don’t often show their stubborn aggressive sides and honestly prefer not to have to unless they are feeling extremely disrespected or pushed beyond their boundary which is a BIG let me say that again, BIG no no with Aquarius (almost as big as it is for for the water signs)

Adding to these deep inner thoughts and vast inner world that Aquarians have, his Virgo rising adds more depth and self awareness. As perfectionists and highly intellectual minds they are a lot more self critical than they let on, just like they are a lot more caring and soft than they let on. They deeply care about others and the world in general seeing the big picture in a very earthy and traditional way - good people should strive to put good out and try their very best at whatever they do. They deeply dislike mean, malicious, manipulative, or spiteful behavior or people and generally keep guarded around people they don’t know well until they feel certain of the person’s true intention. There’s nothing Virgo is more cautious of than to be swindled or hurt by someone they take it reallyy hard and they know it.

Now we alllll know his swag and confidence is legendary and we can all thank the Leo Mars placement for that and the beautiful lush shiny hair and big toothy smile (Looking at Mark, Jaemin and Xiaojun like 👁👄👁) But beyond the aesthetics and dripping confidence and charisma, Leo is another creative sign that tends to be a lot more intellectual and intuitive than people give them credit for.

When the other members call Johnny one of the scariest members you can bet it’s his aggressive fiery fixed Leo Mars which is loud and even violent when provoked enough not to mention the fixed Aquarius tornado energy...Oooof that is a lot of Fixed sign rage right there honey so let’s tread lightly with Johnny boy and appeal to his open minded and friendly nature with a gentle tone and non-pointed words during discussions and all shall be good even if there’s some disagreeing!

Honestly if the argument starts getting bad you can always distract the Gemini moon by just bringing up other interesting topics! Geminis minds move FAST and while they can process a lot of information quickly and precisely they tend to get distracted easily (but here’s the good side of that😉)

Aquarius have a deep love of family and the desire to create their own (Geminis often share this trait) they can feel a bit like outsiders or “other” from people and thus crave to build a tribe of their own - this can be friends that are lifelong deep relationship carried on no different than family or starting their own family with a partner and kids

Relationships:

Non-Romantic Relationships & overall communication style: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aqua Mercury, Leo Mars, Virgo Rising

Built off laughter, time spent together whether its at home hanging out casually or going out for meals and fun new things to try together

Wants to bounce lots of ideas off of his closest friends and secretly loves doing creative stuff together the most - this is pretty evident if you watch JCC he’s happiest when he’s doing stuff with his bros whether it’s sporty, musical, or crafts

Does not like to be vulnerable even with those he’s close to, tends to stick to neutral and more light hearted topics of interest and conversation because he prefers to spread a good mood instead of a heavy one

If he really trusts you or has worked through it enough already to want to talk about something serious you’d better listen cause the boy drops gems of wisdom and has a really soft mushy heart

Immediately adopts his close friends as family and no matter the time apart or distance will always treat them the same

Likes friends he can learn from and take on new adventures with they satisfy the intellectual Virgo rising and Aqua & leo sign thrill needs - Gemini is all about BOTH of these

Deeply appreciates loyalty, acts of service, and quality time with his friends and family - makes his heart soooo happy BUT

He would rather fucking DIE than let you or anyone see him cry so he cries like 4 times a year at 3am in the bathroom while everyone’s asleep (HIGHKEY feel like Ten & Jaehyun are exactly like this too)

Romantic relationships and preferences: Capricorn Venus, Leo Mars, Capricorn Juno, Capricorn Eros

Mr. Johnny Suh has THREE Capricorn placements tied to love and intimacy so that’s saying something lmao

Going against Aquarius’ open mindedness and anti-traditional persona Capricorn prefers all things traditional and stable.

Very much does acts of service for his partner as a sign of affection also lots of touching and quality time.

A veryyyyyy spontaneous boyfriend/partner thanks to that Gemini moon - he either wants to stay at home in pjs and order food and have movie marathons or whisk you away on zero notice to a trip lol

Earth sign men are drawn to women who embody very flowery feminine energy and aesthetics. They prefer a “natural beauty” who can spice it up sometimes rather than a super flashy 24/7 partner. (He’s said in the past that his ideal type is Yoona which says it all lol)

Will be highly drawn and intrigued by someone with a high work ethic and high intellect. BIG bonus points if you can keep up with his sarcasm and jokes.

Earth signs are pretty physical and handsy so expect to have little personal space around him, make no mistake they enjoy this very much. He will definitely be grabbing you and picking you up often! He’ll be smirking down at you devilishly watching you get flustered backed into a corner trapped by the sheer size of his muscular body. A Capricorn male’s ego really enjoys this dynamic, trust me lol.

Also another quirky male Capricorn trait that actually applies to Aqua & Gem as well… They like to initiate all the touchy feely stuff - What I mean by that is they can get easily spooked by clinginess too early on. These three signs want romance and definitely want to feel that you’re into them but they also are innately independent and enjoy relationships where their partner can also go off into the world and thrive in their own way and meet back together in the middle. So long as you can find a happy balance, when you are together you won’t have to initiate anyways honestly because he’ll be the one pulling you.

Okay let's talk about Juno & Eros - Juno in Capricorn is about serious, loyal, long term commitment though they tend to marry later in life once they’ve already achieved the things they want to for themselves which I can see being the case for Johnny as well especially with his current career.

18+ Preferences:

Eros in Cap where to begin - high libido, stimulated by visuals and touch. Wear interesting colors, patterns, textures to catch his eyes & his hands - lacy lingerie is a plus the texture will really excite him and the feminine look will please his earthy traditional cap side. If you really wanna have him drooling throw in some spicy contrasts like a leather choker with the lace set and you’ll also set off his Aqua, Gem, and Leo placements as well ;)

Tends to bounce back and forth between fucking you like you’re a cheap groupie whore and taking his time staring you in the eyes and kissing you passionately as he’s stomach deep - no inbetween but really who’s complaining??

DOM KINK - NOT UP FOR DEBATE he has THREE Capricorn placements for fucksake meaning 3 cardinal signs which are literally called “the INITIATORS” plus all his other fixed personality placements

More of the classy rich ceo vibes kind of dom (suits, expensive cologne and jewelry, leather, black and red binds) - takes you to bougie hotels when he really wants to ramp it up and not have to care who hears. You can expect not to sleep those nights but he’ll damn sure pamper you afterwards with cuddles, food, and a spa date.

Now...with all his Air sign placements...I have to say it...he’s a kinky ass dude. Few things are off the table, but he’s also super content with “normal” stuff too. It’s more about the person and experience for him than doing the wildest things possible. So if it feels natural and right then he’s down.

Don’t be surprised if he wants to tie you up like a pretzel or role play because he’s definitelyyy going to ask. Well actually he’d probably just buy whatever outfit or binds he wanted to use and casually be like “look what I got for us baby” as if it’s matching charm bracelets or something. The good news is he’ll dress up and get into it with you and he’s super receptive to your boundaries, fantasies and making it enjoyable as possible for you too.

If you flip the script on him and suddenly break the norm either by taking the initiate/lead first or trying something new he will absolutely combust 🤯 and be in the palm of your hand staring in absolute awe and fascination till he can’t take it anymore and reclaims his spot as the one in control

Nudes, videos, and phone sex when apart are a definite and they really keep the passion burning for him which is honestly VERY important and don’t worry he’s NOT shy and you will be grateful for the beautiful collection of photos and videos 🤤

Boredom for Aquas, Gems, and Caps can quickly lead into self-sabotaging behaviors and/or wandering eyes not because they don’t value loyalty but that they really need and benefit from mental stimulation and feeling wanted so when that’s gone they can pull away

Honestly pretty much any type of lingerie or outfit will turn him on because the most arousing part for him is knowing that you spent time doing such a naughty thing for his sake

Breeding kink - 3 earth placements and has said himself in interviews he would’ve started having kids at 25 if he wasn’t an idol soooooo that’s a definite. He imagines you pregnant with his baby and it makes him super soft and warm which quickly turns to super turned on. He loves the primal marking aspect of claiming you in such a way and also watching you unravel to the point of begging him to do it. Even if it’s just “play” he loves it and will probably think about it a lot more than you know. If you ever do it for real he will be utterly and completely obsessed with you forever and be practically more excited about all the stages of your pregnancy than you are

[sector-i-closed]

Always Wanted You

Thank you for requesting, I hope you enjoy! 💜

Warning: Self esteem issues and dry humping I probably could have went crazy with this but I wanted it to be a little sweet

The end of the school day left you exhausted which was per usual but you were also exhausted from thinking, and being aware of how the boys at school gravitated towards the shorter, more feminine appearing girls in comparison to your own tall, androgynous appearance.

It itched at your mind that the shorter girls were perceived as dainty and cute, with the boys surrounding you desiring to break them and you were convinced that no one would even come remotely close to liking you as you were.

You had no desire to be broken. Yearning instead to be loved for who you were as you were and that didn't appear to be likely to happen with knowing how your heart squeezed painfully when you saw how girls and boys alike swarmed your best friend, Wooyoung, who was the boy you dreamed about at night and had daydreamed multiple times of how the confession would happen when he told you that he loved you as more than a friend.

Two wistful tears dripped down your cheeks as you shuffled along tiredly to Wooyoung's house, visiting him for some much needed time to hang out and unwind since exams were weighing heavy on you and the need to have someone to interact with was strong as well, even if the other person wasn't someone who was a significant other although you wished it were the case.

Scarcely you were aware of knocking at his door, only becoming aware of your surroundings when the door opened, revealing your handsome friend.

"Hey Y/N! I wasn't expecting you to come over so soon!" Wooyoung chirped with a gleam lighting his dark eyes that coaxed a pain to radiate in your chest.

"Hey Woo!" You plastered a fake smile on your face to divert attention from your pained feelings. The fake smile prompted Wooyoung to wonder if you were alright or if he was looking into things too deeply.

He was concerned for you but he also had a crush on you which he had successfully hidden away from you, which him crushing on you exacerbated his concern.

Always secretly wanting to just lean forward to kiss your lips because you were the same height as he was but he was afraid that you didn't feel the same way and ruining the friendship was something that he was deeply afraid of.

"Are you...? Feeling okay?" Wooyoung asked hesitantly in a small voice after ushering you inside of his home.

"Y-yeah..." You sighed softly as you scanned his living room for his parents.

"Eh?" He furrows his brows in concern. "I was looking to see if your parents were here." You explained with a comforting smile.

"Oh, they're out with their friends so we can make as much noise as we want!" Wooyoung giggles playfully.

"I just want to cuddle. I'm not in the mood to make more noise by dancing." You stated as you seated yourself on the couch that was in the living room as well.

"I want to cuddle too!" Wooyoung enthusiastically seated himself beside you, holding you close and automatically sighing in contentment at holding you in his arms.

You hummed happily and nuzzled into him, snuggling in closely to him and absorbing the homey atmosphere.

"Not wanting to intrude but are you feeling okay? You seemed a little off when I answered the door?" He couldn't stop the awkwardness that he felt as he spoke and he hoped that you wouldn't mind his concern.

You thought carefully for a moment, wondering if you should tell him what was on your mind. He was your friend and you felt that you could trust him with what was bothering you, save for the crush that you had on him.

"I... well, just a lot of things going on with me, and you know exams suck ass-" "Fuck yes definitely!" Wooyoung chimed in, falling silent as he listens to you laugh softly when he blurted out the word.

"Yeah and also I've been thinking a lot about how I feel like I'm unattractive and I also feel like there is no way anyone will ever be interested in me because I'm not like a girly girl..." You mumble gloomily, only fuelling Wooyoung's indignation.

"Wait a minute!" He squeaked in a high pitched voice, "How could anyone not be interested in you?! You're beautiful as you are and I will fist fight them into pulp if they try to make you think otherwise! A natural beauty that has completely captivated my heart-" Wooyoung's hand immediately clapped over his mouth.

"Shit!" He yelped from between his fingers, bringing more attention to his current situation which was his unintentional confession.

"Wait... You mean? You seriously mean you...?" You were afraid to ask if he liked you, knowing that he could have been captivated as a friend, but the reddened cheeks and his action as if he had spilled a huge secret heightened your curiosity.

"I... like you?" Wooyoung fidgeted with his hands, his anxious appearance looking as if he wished to hurl himself off of the nearest building.

"I like you too!" You gasped at his admission, throwing yourself at him without a second thought as emotions guided your actions.

Your lips met his own eager ones in a mingled sense of love and happiness that was transferred through inexperienced kisses and you both couldn't stop the fierce intensity of the kisses shared as Wooyoung was still shocked by your own admission of mutual feelings.

"Really?" Wooyoung gasped in lingering disbelief of your feelings for him as you straddled his hips, your hands hungrily roaming his chest as you nodded in response to his words.

"Absolutely!" You replied breathlessly as his hands wandered appreciatively across your back in nimble movements that made goosebumps arise on your skin.

Your lips collided with his again and desperate whines were uttered as Wooyoung grinded his hips crotch against your sex needily.

You whimpered and instinctively pressed yourself against his clothed hardened dick, yearning to get even closer to him and gain more of the delicious friction that you craved.

"I've always wanted you, Y/N..." The sweet admission made your heart skip a beat and you were wondering momentarily if you were dreaming and creating this moment with Wooyoung, although his desperate grasp on your hips told you that you were indeed very much awake and that your dreams had indeed came true in a manner of minutes it seemed.

"Fuck I can't believe this! That you're actually kissing me like this!" Wooyoung moaned loudly, bucking into you faster as you also matched his pace.

"Me neither." Your lips met his again in a crushing kiss, the movements between you and himself becoming more frenzied as both of you got off on each other from the excitement and love that you both felt for each other as the loud moans dissipated into the two of you becoming sticky messes.

"I'm so thankful that you want me as more than a friend!" You squeaked out in the afterglow of your orgasm as you buried your face in his neck, not even thinking about how your own words sounded coming out.

"Same Y/N! I was about to ask you to slap me to wake me up but I am very much awake." He panted softly as he held you tightly to himself.

"No bitch slapping!" You joked, sighing in contentment as you held onto him while listening to his high pitched contagious laughter.

[voleurdesoleil-archive]

The things you feel inside

Fandom: Haikyuu!

Characters: Ushijima Wakatoshi, Bokuto Koutarou

Word count: 1.7k

A/N: this was a gift for my pe, and I didn't plan on posting it here but I'm really proud of it so here you go

read on ao3

-Wasn't the captain's reunion supposed to be today?

-It is.

-Then why are you still on your phone?

Ushijima stares at Tendou's text, he doesn't know what to answer. He’d like to tell him that it’s because he’s not here with him, but Ushijima knows he can’t say that, it wouldn’t be fair to his husband. He knows Tendou would be capable of giving up his store and buying a plane ticket if he sent that, so he keeps it for himself and lies. He tells him the other captains went out to order food when Kuroo is actually in the kitchen, on the phone with some fast food place, ordering for all of them, while the others are playing video games with Kenma.

"Hey!"

Ushijima lifts his head from his phone as Bokuto flops himself next to him on the couch.

"You're quieter than usual, are you okay?" Bokuto asks, concern seeping through his voice.

He's not. He wants to say it out loud, but Ushijima knows that if he does, it will only result in more questions and he isn't ready to open up. Not yet.

So, when Ushijima's answer doesn't come, Bokuto adds: "You know I'm here if you need to talk. "

Ushijima nods. They aren't close but ever since they met Bokuto always made sure all of them felt at ease or that no one was feeling left out during their meetings. People often seem to mistake MSBY's ace for someone careless or egotistical, but Bokuto has proven on multiple occasions that he is someone with great empathy who cares deeply for people he loves and Ushijima really admires him for it.

Ushijima's attention is drawn away as his phone lights up with another text from Tendou.

"How's Tendou doing?" Bokuto asks as Ushijima types a reply to his husband. "I saw him in a food magazine the other day. He looked super cool with his chef's hat and all!"

"He is doing great. His chocolaterie has been getting a lot of success thanks to social media. He says people really like his "vibe", although I'm not quite sure what he means by that. And-" Ushijima starts rummaging through his photos, until he finds pictures of Vabo-chan and other volleyball related figurines that he shows Bokuto. "-he's been trying to create a volleyball collection, but his colleagues aren't really up for it."

"Wow man! They're awesome! You should put them in the groupchat, the guys would love them!"

Ushijima nods as he gets another text from Tendou telling him he's going to open the shop soon and urging him to have fun.

"You miss him, don't you?"

"I do…"

"Must be hard. I'm lucky that all my partners live around here, but Kuroo and Kenma often have to go away for work and I miss them a lot when they do. So I can't imagine how hard it must be to be so far away from Tendou…"

Ushijima doesn't quite know what to answer to that so he stays silent as his heart clenches a bit tighter in his chest. Bokuto's deduction is correct. Of course it's hard being away from Tendou, harder than what he thought actually.

When Tendou left after high school it was only supposed to be for a couple of years - he had gotten an internship with a renowned pâtissier, he couldn’t let the opportunity go away, so he took it - and he did come back after that. They lived together for a few years, bought their first house together. They even got married.

But last year Tendou decided he wanted to have his own chocolaterie in France, so Ushijima let him go. It was only for a few years, until Tendou could expand and open a chocolaterie in Japan too. They had done it already, so Ushijima thought it would be easy. But this time it was different. Harder. Simply because they had shared a home.

They had learned to live together, to appreciate each other's company. They had cared for the other when he fell sick. They had prepared the other's favorite meal just because they wanted to surprise him. They got used to coming back to the other after a long day at work or after practice. Ushijima got used to trying Tendou's new recipes just like Tendou got used to seeing Ushijima bring home plants on the verge of death to revive them. They got used to each other's quirks and routine.

So it is hard. Coming back home to an empty house. Not having to open the windows because of a funky smell coming from the kitchen. Waking up in an empty bed. Not being able to touch each other. Saying he misses Tendou terribly would be an understatement.

And what's not helping is the fact that he hasn't seen Daichi in a while either. Because in addition to missing his husband, he now also misses his boyfriend.

Until this morning, he thought that he would finally be able to see him but that was only when Kuroo wished Daichi a happy anniversary that Ushijima remembered his boyfriend wouldn't be here tonight as he was taking Sugawara and Asahi out to dinner for their anniversary.

"Do you want to cuddle?"

"What?" Ushijima blinks, thinking he misunderstood.

"I know it's coming out of nowhere, but Daichi said you're a pretty cuddly person and I thought, maybe, it would make you feel a little better, but if you're not comfortable I totally get that, I mean we don't really know each other that well. I just wanna help and you do look like you give the best cuddles…did I say that? Sorry I'm rambling. "

Trying to hide his embarrassment, Bokuto lifts his arms to rub the back of his neck and gives him a sheepish smile, causing Ushijima to let out a chuckle.

He takes a moment to consider the idea. He indeed has been craving physical affection, so Bokuto’s offer sounds appealing. On the other hand, although Ushijima loves to cuddle, it takes him a while to get comfortable enough around someone to even just consider cuddling with them and, as MSBY’s ace stated it, they’re aren’t really close. So Ushijima doesn’t exactly know why he answers:

"I would love that Bokuto"

"For real?"

"If you didn't change your mind, yes."

Bokuto almost throws himself on Ushijima but stops midway. "Wait, how do you want to do this?"

"I don't know?"

"Okay, first maybe we should- can you stand up for a sec?" Ushijima does as he is told and watches as Bokuto folds out the sofa bed to make more room for them. MSBY's ace then runs out of the room to come back carrying way more pillows than they need. "We'll be a little more comfortable like that." Bokuto says before letting himself fall in the mountain of pillows.

Ushijima pushes aside a few of them to make space for himself beside Bokuto. They stay still for a while, facing each other. Ushijima isn't particularly uncomfortable but Tendou often is the one who initiates their cuddling session and while Ushijima has been working on being the one to initiate them with Daichi he still hasn't fully worked out how to.

Bokuto must sense Ushijima's hesitation because he opens his arms and softly says: "You can lay on me for starters, or maybe you'd be more comfortable spooning, you tell me."

Ushijima takes in Bokuto's reassuring smile, which reminds him of Daichi's the first time they cuddled together - they have that same gentle smile that instantly puts you at ease - and finally dares getting closer to him. He hesitantly drapes an arm across his waist and checks on Bokuto's expression to make sure he's comfortable with this before laying his head on his chest. Bokuto's arms instinctively find their place around him.

"Would you like me to play with your hair?"

"Please…" The word comes out of Ushijima's mouth as barely more than a whisper.

This is awkward at first but, as Bokuto slowly runs his fingers through Ushijima's hair, brushing aside the stray hair lying about his forehead, his whole body relaxes and he makes himself more comfortable in Bokuto's arms.

The ace's embrace is tight around him but offers just the right amount of give, so that Ushijima can escape if he ever feels the need to. His own hold on the ace's waist becomes less stiff and Bokuto shifts slightly so that their bodies fit together more naturally. Their legs tangle together and a faint smile makes its way on Ushijima's lips.

He remembers the first time he and Tendou cuddled. They weren't together yet at the time and, just like today, Ushijima had been getting overwhelmed with his feelings. He remembers how grounding and soothing Tendou's feathering touch had been at the time. How all the stress he had accumulated had melted away when, with a simple touch, Tendou's brightness enveloped him. And right now, subject to Bokuto's touch, this is exactly how he feels.

Almost as a way to prove him how vulnerable he is, Ushijima's breath catches in his throat as Bokuto's thumb starts rubbing up and down the small of his back. Daichi once mentioned that one particular detail about cuddling with Bokuto and Ushijima now understands what he meant when he said that felt heavenly as that small movement sends shivers down his spine.

"Is this okay?" Bokuto asks.

Ushijima nods against his chest and mumbles a soft "yes" as his breathing catches up with Bokuto's.

Ushijima hears the door open behind him but he doesn't look back to see who has entered the room. Whistling fills the room and Ushijima has a hunch Oikawa is the one who entered the room. Bokuto's hand leaves his hair and he intimates to the other captain to stay quiet before combing through Ushijima's hair again.

When they're alone again, he brings MSBY's ace a little closer and, basking in Bokuto's warmth, Ushijima closes his eyes for a second and the ambient noise slowly fades until all he can hear is the steady rhythm of Bokuto's heartbeat. He feels safe.

___

Later that night, Ushijima is on the bus back home when he gets a text from Bokuto.

It's a picture of them both, asleep, cuddled up on the couch.

-Kuroo took it

-Look how adorable we are!

Ushijima can't help a smile to grow on his face. He's so glad they're friends.

[evierena]

The demon brothers reacting to a MC that got cheated on. Part 2

Hello, I come here with the second part of my first headcanon, and I wanted to say that I did found a mistake in Satan’s hc, but I already fixed it. Just like last time, if you see a mistake, please kindly point it out for me, I really want to improve in everything I can. 

TW: Mentions of death. 

Intro:

MC was going to get married to their high school sweetheart, they were deeply in love and had been very clear about their status. They had made friends with everyone but never accepted any advances.

Halfway through the year, they get a text from the third party informing them about their significant other affair.

And now, heartbroken and angry, it was up to the rest to help them pick up the pieces. How? Well... Let's see.

Asmodeus

(In this one MC is GN, but the cheater and third party are female and male respectively)

This demon would love to talk with you about your wedding preparations. The theme, your outfit, the flowers, the music, the lingerie for your wedding night *wink, wink*. He would absolutely adore going through pictures upon pictures of weddings.

However, at the same time, as much as he is the Avatar of Lust, he wouldn't like to talk specifically about you with your fiancée. Yes, he would offer to *show* you how to make your bride go crazy on the wedding night, but since you always shot him down (gently, because you know he is sensitive about rejection) he wouldn't actually give any input to help you in that matter.

There is something else that only he, as the Avatar of Lust, sort of anticipated as he listened to you talking about how you met your girlfriend thanks to her being your younger brother's best friend.

And there were nights when, as much as Asmo could feel guilty later, he just couldn't help but fantasise about it coming true so that he could steal you away.

When it finally came true, he felt... Well, overjoyed and immensely guilty for even feeling like that.

You see, you were video calling your girlfriend, and as she was telling you about her day someone entered her room while saying "Honey, I'm home" and you recognized your little brother's voice.

Your girlfriend's face was in shock, and then you saw your brother placing a kiss on her lips casually, like it was the most natural thing in the world, like she was his and not yours. Then, he turned to the camera and his face was disfigured with shock and remorse.

But you had seen enough so you finished the call.

Asmo was in your room, but he was busy doing a face mask in the bathroom and when he came out and saw you crying and sobbing, head between your knees, he just knew it.

I wouldn't say he went as far as hating himself for that (knowing he could've given you a heads up) but he did feel remorseful.

So, for the rest of the week he made it up by pampering the hell out of you.

He lend you his bathtub, he made sure your skin didn't suffer the consequences of crying so much, he gave you massages, he took you shopping, he distracted you by inviting you to clubs, parties,  he bragged about you in his social media, giving your self esteem and ego a much needed boost.

Of course, he would always make sexual innuendos, but he never did anything to make you feel uncomfortable, more like friendly reminders that you are desired.

"Oh, MC, you look delectable with that, I could just eat you up" and "If she saw you like that, she would beg for you to take her back" and some more "You'll see they'll regret everything, you are beautiful inside and out, and they will soon realize what an amazing person they let go"

Asmodeus will try to be in constant touch with you (as long as you allow him) holding hands, a hand in your back, sitting really close to you in school, cuddling with you on movie nights, fingers brushing delicately through your hair, etc.

His revenge is by far the most direct and cruel out of his brothers.

He teamed up with Solomon, the latter getting permission to go to the Human Realm for some errands he needed, and then he summoned Asmo.

In there, he went and meet your ex and brother, and with just a few words he charmed your ex so badly she forgot all about your brother, falling forever in love with Asmo (Solomon helped with a spell that would keep the charm on forever), effectively breaking your little brothers heart and driving your ex to a state of desperation, for she was obsessed with the demon until she died.  

As for you, as time went by, you moved on and once you were ready to embrace your new found feelings for the pink haired demon, you decided to let him know.

"I love you, Asmo"

"Ow, of course you do, peaches, I love myself too" he would say, playfully.

"I mean, I love love you, Asmodeus"

Cue to squeals of joy loud enough to be heard in all House of Lamentation.

" Really?!! Ohhh, I love you too, MC!!!!"

Beelzebub

You and Beel had an amazing friendship, he was very protective of you, and soon everyone knew that you never were far from each other. You would cook for him, accompany him in his nightly carvings when you were also awake, he would share his food with you, pretty much the most wholesome friendship you ever had.

As such, you told each other everything. He would tell you about Lilith and his nightmares, how he felt about his brothers and himself, and you would tell him about your future spouse, the nervousness and eagerness of sharing your life with the love of your life and the want of starting a family with them.

He only wanted for you to be happy, so if that person was making you happy, he would ignore the ache in his heart every time you talked about it and wished you the best.

One day, you were on cooking duty, and you decided to make Beel a feast of his favorite Human Realm recipes, so you left your human phone charging in your room and put yourself to work, but you took your D.D.D with you.

Beel was coming back from practice when you texted him if he could bring you some stuff from your room before you finished everything in the kitchen.

He saw the tilting screen with several notifications and decided to also bring it to you. However, one text captured his attention.

He didn't recognized the name of the sender, but the text read "I can't keep up with the lies and I wouldn't want someone as important to me as (name of your soon-to-be spouse) is to you to do this kind of thing" Beel furrowed his brows, trying to read more in the screen, but he decided it was best for you to read it first.

And just in time, you called out to him.

He went and when he saw you he gave you your phone with a pained look on his face.

"I think you need to see this before eating, MC"

You were puzzled, "what could have happened that was more important than eating?" you thought. Oh, but when you started to read everything, you understood. 

Your ex co worker had confessed to you to be having an affair with your soon-to-be spouse.

You looked up to see your best demon friend, your big teddy bear for some sort of comfort when your world was coming crashing down on you.

Beel hugged you tight, letting your tears stain his shirt, engulfing your entire being in his bigger and warmer frame.

He didn't say anything, he even forgot all about the feast you had prepared, his soft and big heart was broken for you. However, he did feel a sudden craving for a certain human up in the human realm.

Finally you pushed yourself out of his embrace and said "Beel, I'm hungry" causing him to smile gently at you.

"Me too".

With Beel, you eat your woes away. He would always make sure that you had at least a snack in your hand, because in his experience, food can make you feel better.

He became your personal body heater, always keeping you at arm's length. If before you both were close, now you were joined by the hip.

You welcomed him, his compassionate and sweet presence was all you needed to keep going.

With time, you began to recover from the blow, started to smile more, be more happy and lively, like you used to. Beel would always smile at your way, and he always offered his help when things got a little too much for you.

If you felt like you gained weight from all the comfort food you had been eating, he would remind you, by lifting your body, that you were still really light for him and that you would always be very pretty to his eyes. Nonetheless, if you still felt insecure or uncomfortable, he would offer to help you train and get back on track.

If someone dared to make you feel guilty about what happened, Beel would growl at them and then he would remind you that it was not your fault and that you are an incredible person who helped him to get his family together again, and that he would always be there for you.

If you fall for this sweet, adorable teddy bear I don't blame you (honestly, same) you would also need to be the one to come forth about it, not because he is dense or clueless about your feelings for him, but because he was already happy with your friendship and didn't want to push for more.

"Beel, I love you"

He would look at you with big and excited puppy eyes, and the biggest, most heartwarming smile you had seen

Belphegor

(Spoilers from lesson 16 read under your own risk)

When you found him in the attic, and accepted to help him, you started to sneak to try and keep him company when Lucifer wasn't around.

You would try to make conversation to help him feel not so lonely up there, and in his efforts to gain your trust he let you ramble about your future marriage.

He HATED hearing you talk about it, it just made his blood boil. How could an insignificant and naïve human like you even dared to think about being remotely happy when he lost everything because of humans? Oh, he would be so thrilled to crush your pathetic dreams of happiness by taking your life. But all that  had to wait until you were stupid enough to let him out.

Well, after the whole Incident™, you, Belphie and Beel had The Talk™ because you wanted to start over, forgive and forget and give yourselves a new chance at friendship.

Who knew you two would become such good friends??

When you weren't busy doing your tasks or studying for class, you would be with Belphie, napping and recharging energy in the most weird places. One time, Lucifer found both of you sleeping hanging from the horns of that demon head at the entrance.

Somehow you would always get dragged with Belphie's pranks at Lucifer, and more often than not, you were the reason he stopped from doing the really dangerous ones, something that the Avatar of Pride was mildly grateful for, if only you could make his little brother stop completely.

With your new blossoming friendship with the youngest of the demon brothers, you confide in him with your worries about your future. He would listen to you, if he wasn't too tired or if he didn't fall asleep, and in his heart still remained a little bit of the annoyance of hearing you talk about your wedding, but for entirely different reasons.

After everything that happened between the two, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop you from leaving back to the human realm, but it still hurt him to think that he wasted his short time with you trying to trick you instead of enjoying your company.

One night, you were napping in the attic next to him, and he just stared at you, unable to sleep, when your phone started to vibrate unceasingly.

He was annoyed to say the least, thinking that it could wake you up and break his peaceful time with you, so he took it to turn it off when he saw the preview of a concerning amount of texts you were receiving.

He froze reading the previews, (I do not justfy invadig someone else´s privacy at all, but he is a brat and a demon, so he just did it) so he decided to investigate further by unblocking the device and read thoroughly what seemed to be... a confession.

Once he was completely informed of the current situation, he put the phone down, took his own and texted Beel asking him to bring you some comfort snacks, because you were going to need it.

Once he got the confirmation from his twin, he turned to you and, against his own desires, woke you up.

"What is it Belphie?" your sleepy eyes trying to focus on his, your voice barely audible. He was almost convinced to let you go back to sleep and deal with this shit tomorrow. But he stopped himself from giving in to his sin.

"MC, you need to read something"

The severity in his voice helped you clear the haziness from your mind as you sat up.

He knew the moment you were completely awake while you were reading the messages from who, he deduced, was your partner's ex telling you that they were having an affair from at least two years prior to your coming to Devildom and now that you were gone, they were planning to move in together despite all your daily calls and weekly video calls.

When you looked at Belphie, tears clouding your beautiful eyes, he remembered why he hated humanity so much. They didn't hesitate to crush souls as pure and kind as yours, they were selfish bastards.

He held you, firmly pressed against his chest, rubbing your back, while he let you know his feelings against your now ex.

That's when Beel showed up with your favorite snacks in tons. And when he saw the scene before him, Belphie just looked at him while still whispering to you that you have them, he and Beel, that they were going to look after you and that you were going to be fine. Cue to Beel sitting by your side and took you and his twin in his arms, reaffirming the youngest words.

After they helped you calm down, Beel and Belphie offered your snacks and all three of you ate quietly, you were leaning in Belphie's shoulder and he even kept quiet about the crumbs you were spilling on him.

Once you were done and full, you went back to their room, and all three of you decided to join the beds and sleep together for the night. So, you were resting in the twins's bed, in the middle of them, engulfed by their comforting warmth when you felt Belphegor's hand snake his way until he found yours.

"I will never let anyone hurt you ever again" he swore to you, and you fell asleep.

Belphegor would be the type of friend who would diss and bad-mouth your ex to help you feel better, and he definitely teamed up with Satan and Solomon to effectively curse the people who hurt his favorite human so much. How? You'll never know, but one day you found him staring at a wall as if he was reminiscing something with a malicious grin, and when you asked he simply said "I was just wondering how long can a human stand with only three intermittent hours of sleep daily".

You dropped the subject and never brought it up again.

Belphie would make sure no one bothered you, and he kept his promise to you, whenever he wasn't awake and around you, Beel was.

The Avatar of Sloth guarded your dreams, allowing you to sleep soundly and safe, he would steal you to nap the moment he sensed you were feeling down, and the glare he gave to others left no room to argue.

He wouldn't make a move with you, directly, but he would *subtly* and most of the time while falling asleep, let you know about his own feelings so if you did end up falling for this sleepyhead, you would be sure he felt the same.

"Belphegor?" you whispered while you both were in the middle of one of your napping sessions, snuggling up to him more.

"Mm?"

"I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life"

You didn't see him, but you felt him hugging you closer to him, tangling his legs with yours, pressing kisses to your head. But he would still tease you.

"Took you long enough, MC"

Again, thank you so much for reading all of this long ass headcanon. I hope you have a great day, and remember to take breaks and stay hydrated. 

P.s: In case you haven’t found it, here’s Part 1

[tosikoarts]

SFW Alphabet | Tsukishima Hajime

Here he comes, my favorite boy. You can check tosikowrites tag for more. Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Showing affection is something Tsukishima forgot how to do. It is almost foreign to him after what happened with Igogusa, after years of war and service under the leadership of Tsurumi. He knows exactly how easily happiness can be acquired and how easily it can be taken away, by unknown forces and by someone close to him.

An obvious sign of interest would be gratuitous help that Tsukishima offers to the person. When everything falls out of hand, he is right there to catch. Tsukishima does little errands in between taking care of Koito’s whims and bigger ones he saves for later to look at them closer. He genuinely enjoys helping them and seeing how grateful smile lights up their face.

Another one would be small gestures like walking them home after dark or bringing unpretentious little thingies that made Tsukishima think of them. If he goes to the market and notices their favorite candy, he will surely buy it. At times, it gets more serious. For example, if they wanted nice new shoes, Tsukishima will save money up from his sergeant's salary to afford the best pair in the shop.

Letters. So many letters. A soldier's life presents a gift in the form of partings, and in order to somehow compensate frequent  goodbyes and innumerable kilometers between them, Tsukishima puts his heart and soul into letters. They may not be that frequent, and he keeps crossing out words that seem too sweet, but it is the very intimate way to maintain the precious bond.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Local mom-friend that takes care of you when you are suffering the worst hangover and saves your ass from last night’s consequences. Tsukishima puts all the effort to shield his best friend from problems, and if they are inevitable, he has a clear plan of actions how to fix unfixable and repair unrepairable.

Responsibility is another of his distinctive features. When it comes to school or work, he is second to none: Tsukishima is up to help with difficult tasks or take on the role of mentor. He is amazingly good teacher, albeit strict at times, that has the ability to explain the most confusing concepts better than that Indian guy on YouTube.

Is it worth mentioning that he is a devoted friend? It doesn’t matter what happened between him and his friend in the past, Tsukishima always comes back to them. No distance, no time, no other people are able to make him turn around and leave a friend to the mercy of fate.

Probably the friend you think you know well but suddenly it turns out he has more dark secrets than the most deranged madlad from your fried group. Also, you can’t judge him. Only accept. You know if Tsukishima had to do somthing, he had his reasons you are not allowed to question.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Yeah, of course, but he hasn’t cuddled anyone in years (young whining Koito that craves reassurance and family warmth doesn’t count) so it may be awkward. It is very likely that he will simply move over, apologize, and wait for the next time when he is more comfortable with all of love dumped on him. Tsukishima doesn’t care about positions and will adapt to the partner’s desires whether they want to spoon him or be kept on his lap. Cuddles are combined with back rubs, massages, head pats, even hair brushing and braiding if they are not afraid of tangles.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Both wants to and is afraid of settling down by himself, left alone with his loved one. Over the years spent in the army, he lost the sense of life’s fullness, and now Tsukishima drifts freely without a specific direction. Military is where he belongs to, it gives him purpose and reason to exist, and as time passed, he forgot how to live outside the barracks. Gentle persuasion would be the best option to assure Tsukishima in his ability of living normal life. Maybe, owning a small house overlooking rocky shore and sparkling ocean isn’t a bad idea, he just isn’t ready to accept it. Both great in cooking and cleaning, prefers to do the latter.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He is visibly uncomfortable when confronted about working late and postponing previously such long-awaited dates. Tsukishima is lost for words since he can find none that could describe how sorry he is. Inner guilt forced him to defer this moment until the last minute: breaking-up right before another trip (the further the better) will make it impossible to crawl back to them when loneliness overtakes him again. Overthinks a lot. Nevertheless, Tsukishima finally speaks out in an even calm voice, as if he is reporting to his superiors, apologizes, and bows low. So low that chances of meeting their surprised gaze drop to zero. He quickly retreats without giving them the opportunity to say anything in return. Drinks more than usual during the trip, makes Koito nervous with unfriendly passive-aggressive aura he carries for weeks.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

This is the part where Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up starts playing because this is the man who fits all of the chorus lines perfectly. Tsukishima grows attached to the loved one fast and after this he is physically unable to think romantically of anyone else. Igogusa’s memory is another proof of his deep, borderline painful commitment. One year or year and a half is enough time for Tsukishima to start looking at municipal government office with certain interest. He takes marriage very seriously though, he dates for it, not for entertainment.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He is what a soldier is trained to be (so not so gentle in physical plane) but you don’t have to dig deep to see Tsukishima’s hidden soft core. In everyday life, he's an absolute sweetheart. All he really wants in a relationship is to love and be loved, that’s all. Tsukishima doesn't even have a lurking desire, intrusive thoughts of messing with the feelings unlike some individuals. Soft, soft, soft, and he doesn’t deny it.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

It feels like a child’s hug: tight and unhesitant, with his hands wrapped around person’s waist and face buried in their neck. Light blush covers Tsukishima’s cheeks and he can’t stop smiling. If his partner is smaller than he is, Tsukishima will pick them up, and if they are taller he will try to hug them as if to almost hide in their arms. Picking him up will result in embarrassed exclamations but Tsukishima actually enjoys their attention.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

One year is the limit. Less time than 6 months feels a little bit rushed to him and more than one year seems like an unnecessary delay. Tsukishima is expectedly sincere in his confession; he doesn’t hold back and wriggle because of how confident he is in his feelings. It is not a long rehearsed monologue but a stream of consciousness, full of confessions how he likes their shining eyes, how their clumsiness makes his day a little brighter, how their whole character amazes him from day to day. The only thing that can possibly overwhelm Tsukishima is the overthinking of their possible negative reaction. One of his biggest fears is to appear too persistent with the confession and scare them away so he puts a lot of thought in choosing the right time and the right place.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Obviously expects his partner to reject any cheeky suitor since he understands that their natural beauty is hard to resist. If they choose to accept stranger’s attentions, Tsukishima feels insulted and betrayed. Trust is a key factor in the relationship so such irresponsible attitude towards the loyalty huts him deeply and rises suspicion of oncoming break-up. Also, being in limbo and asking himself whether they want to be with him or not takes a toll on Tsukishima’s psyche. He becomes more withdrawn and taciturn and spends more time busy at work with trying to distract himself from intrusive thoughts.

If his partner decides to go around and flirt, Tsukishima will be overtaken with anger. He is furious. The glass in his hand sonorously cracks under the pressure while he watches them ungodly teasing unsuspecting men. He doesn’t start a fight or scream at his loved one and keeps everything inside. It is enough for him to witness such behavior two times to leave them without long explanations and quarrels.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

A bit inept and greedy. Tsukishima tends to defer the kiss until his partner is ready to nicely ask him for one but after that he is completely in for a ride. The last time he kissed anyone is unknown-how-many-years-ago so it is natural for Tsukishima to be a little bit sloppy and eager. Lip kisses are golden classic and fits his character perfectly. It takes a good push to shift things in more intimate direction though. The most efficient way to do it is to play on Tsukishima's weaknesses: the back of his neck as well as earlobes and straight line down the spine. A few gentle touches and hardened composed soldier melts down like an ice on the sun.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

If you want to calm down a crying baby just give it to Tsukishima. It seems like kids feel sympathy when looking at his tired face and try to cause little trouble so as not to disappoint him even more. Smart children clearly amuse him, and Tsukishima strongly encourages their desire for knowledge, their curiosity and ambitions. Every now and then sudden thoughts about starting his own family pop up in his head but Tsukishima is kind of indecisive. Right now he is not ready to take on such responsibility, but in the future, dream of starting a big family could become a reality.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

It is impossible to catch Tsukishima in the morning during work week and it still isn’t that easy on the weekend. Insomnia keeps him up at nights so his day can start a long before his partner opens their eyes. On such nights, he goes for a lonely walk around the block and, on his return, prepares a light breakfast for two. There are also rare moments when Tsukishima falls asleep right before first sunbeam reaches earth. Those are the days when he sleeps in and refuses to get up from the bed, trapping his loved one in tight cuddle. Nuzzling into their neck, Tsukishima mutters that he needs five more minutes and he will definitely let go but five minutes turn into half of hour, then hour, and he never fulfills the promise.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

A great lover of a quiet pastime he is, Tsukishima likes to spend evenings playing intellectual games like shogi and reading whatever comes to hand. One of his favorite activities is resting his head on the partner’s knees and listening to them reading aloud haikus or other classic Japanese works. On warm summer nights, Tsukishima likes to go to the river or lake for skinny dipping since most onsens are separated by gender. Even if there is one that is not, he would still prefer more secluded place where there is no reason to worry about onlookers. If his partner wants to something more active and social, they will have to choose something not too overwhelming. Small friend gatherings are okay but huge parties drain the rest of the life from him.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Here is the thing: to pull personal information out of Tsukishima you have to know what to ask. You can’t say “Tell me how you got into army” and expect a little frank story, no. It would take a whole “It seems you and Lieutenant Tsurumi share some story” or something even more shifty to make him open up about this topic. It doesn’t mean that he is trying to hide something on purpose, but it definitely means he never had anyone to trust. Any claims that he is too secretive offend Tsukishima too.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Utter unshakable calmness in the middle of 7th Division craziness, either way because he has seen too much shit already or because he has no active neurons to react to it (insomnia, your know?). As a person who puts up with brain-juice leaking leader, spoiled naive brat in the dawn of youthful maximalism, mentally unstable fan boy, and mutilated lack-all on the verge of breakdown, he won’t even pay attention to small inconveniences. In quarrels, Tsukishima always appeals to rationality and perfectly avoids any escalation of the conflict. You have to ruin his life for him to snap, and when he does, someone’s neck will snap too.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Pays attention to them whenever around but forgets most of the stuff easily. Tsukishima only remembers one or two specific details that he can use practically in the future, like what their allergies are or what they want for the birthday. For the rest he has a small personal page in the notebook where he writes down little things that definitely will not stay in his memory for a long time. His writing comes in the code of abbreviations and numbers to make sure nobody pries into his personal life.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Used to be the one responsible in the group, he would probably remember moments where he was the one that had to be cared for. For once Tsukishima came down with a high fever and unbearable weakness, and it was a moment when his loved one jumped into merciless care-mode. He was put into bed with three pillows, teacup waiting for him on the nightstand, and even the most determined statements that he needed to finish some things have been met with indisputable refusal. They spun around him bringing medicine, food, and water whole day so Tsukishima couldn’t stop blaming himself for the helplessness. At the same time, his feelings of gratitude and love intensified with every thoughtful gesture so by the end of unfortunate leave Tsukishima almost regretted returning to his usual hectic life.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Previous experiences with both romantic relationship and role of sergeant-nanny taught Tsukishima one thing: danger is always there, even if it is not visible to the naked eye. A passerby can hide a loaded gun under his clothes, so there is not point to talk about hired killers, invisible diseases, natural disasters etc. Based on the above it is natural for Tsukishima be on the alert. He wants to know where his partner is going and with whom, warns them about his gut feeling if he has one, and, of course, intervenes at the sight of real danger without any second thought. Like this man would give up his life for a person who deserves it. Not at any point in time, Tsukishima expects his partner to protect him but if it happens, he will be extremely mad at them and himself too.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Tsukishima has a low social battery for the most of the time so he has to manage energy according to importance of the affairs. There is always a little bit more saved for his loved one, but you can’t really tell that he puts all of the effort into relationship. If work affairs did not suck the remnants of happiness from him, Tsukishima may stop and get a nice box of sweets or fruits. For special dates like their Birthday or anniversary, he saves money for a worthwhile present: for a female lover he would probably go for a beautiful silk tenga obi with celebratory motives or handmade jewelry box, and for male lover he would choose chopsticks with personalized engraving or exquisite lacquerware. Performs household chores well, although sometimes he has to be reminded about their existence.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Although Tsukishima is a stronghold of common sense, - he always keeps everything to himself, puts on a poker face, - once person gets on his nerves, they will see the worst side of him. Thanks to the famous reliability, Tsukishima learns where person’s weak spots are fast and he can easily hit them where it hurts with bold spiteful words.

Puts work over relationships. Setting to serve the homeland faithfully and unquestioningly rooted deep in his mind and now it is impossible to re-educate this shabby sergeant. Even in serious relationship, Tsukishima remembers about his duty as a soldier and as a son of Japan so he takes a lot of additional paperwork home.

As someone who used to be ordered around, Tsukishima still needs a guidance in the relationship. It takes a lot of thinking and weighing the pros and cons for him to make a decision but the partner’s opinion will be crucial nevertheless. In critical situations, he is perfectly oriented, but in a steady life? Not so much.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Cares enough to wash, dry, and iron his own uniform and brush up muddy toecaps of own boots. Tsukishima tries to blend in with surrounding, not to pop up, so he keeps his style in muted neutral colors (that applies to both clothes and shoes) and prefers strict uniform to anything else. In his view, moderation is the sister of style so the only thing that can make him pull off fancy apparel would be direct order from the First Lieutenant Tsurumi. Indifferent to how people perceive his physical appearance as well.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

If his partner decides it is a time to part the ways, he acts maturely, thanks them for the great moments that they shared and everything they achieved together. Even though Tsukishima is hurting, he keeps bitter reproaches to himself, knowing that lashing out won’t do anything good. It is not his style anyway. Few weeks need to pass by before the hurricane of emotions settles down and their image ceases to be associated with a romantic relationship. Instead, Tsukishima faces them again with a proposal to start everything from scratch. Leave everything behind and become friends. Just friends. No hard feelings. Honestly, being close to them is everything he asks for. If they decline, Tsukishima won’t bother them again, but if they agree, he won’t ever leave their side.

Their death is a punch to the gut. It is like Igogusa’s disappearing all over again, but more painful, more deliberate, more distinct. To say that he is heartbroken is to say nothing at all: division soldiers notice how gloomy their sergeant has become, they feel uneasy under his sharp look. It feels like one wrong word and he will snap. Now Tsukishima’s nihilism turns into total indifference to existence: he puts himself in danger just to see how long he can last.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Another one who has a great singing voice. He never ever sings in barracks or anywhere near his comrades but Tsukishima’s voice is charming: he has a sweet soothing bass-baritone that sounds the best in lullabies or ballads. Even though his partner may never hear a proper serenade, they may catch him quietly singing to their child instead of reading old fairytales.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Tsukishima can tolerate A LOT and turns blind eye to person’s bad habits for the sake of avoiding unnecessary stress. Therefore, there isn’t much that irritates him and even less that can drive him on the walls.

Grubbiness is one of the habits that Tsukishima cannot ignore. Clothes scattered around the room, unwashed dishes, and heaps of unnecessary junk get on his nerves but he keeps composure and never complains.

Loud noises, including chewing, smacking, munching, are annoying too but Koito’s constant monkey screeching desensitized him to the degree when Tsukishima takes a deep breath, prays to gods not to go apeshit, and goes on with his day.

Oh, he also hates summer. Hot temperatures force Tsukishima to soak in the bath three times more often than in winter or any other season.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Those bags under his eyes are Gucci Yoshida. Well, okay, Yoshida was established a little bit later but this is not so important. Tsukishima suffers from insomnia for who knows how long, and no doctor can help him. On sleepless nights, he just sits by the window and reads in the faint candlelight, still cherishing the hope of falling asleep in the morning. After moving in with his loved one, nothing really changed beside Tsukishima changing his habitual reading spot from armchair by the window to a more secluded place in another room. He doesn’t want to wake them up by accident.

In general, Tsukishima sleeps around 3-5 hours per day with occasional awakenings during the night. His sleep is shallow and filled with disturbing dreams in which shapeless shadows haunt him, driving him south of Mukden, where many of the Japanese brethren found eternal peace.

[awanderingdeal]

The best kind of spa day - Chapter 3

Chapter 3! I said this would be the last chapter, but I am thinking there will be one more.

Rating: Explicit (This chapter is more Mature, but the fic on the whole is definitely Explicit)

CW: food talk, drinking of alcohol, mention of C-section, heavy kissing, multiple mentions of sex and mild angst.

For previous chapters, please see my masterlist

And finally…but very importantly…thank you to @lumosinlove for the creation of the most wonderful Natalie Darcy and the sweater weather universe.

P.S. Just a note that Lily had a tattoo that covers her C-section scar, but that is not to say that there is anything wrong with them or that they need to be covered. They are literally a sign that you brought a whole ass human into this world and if you want to wear that with pride then you should.

P.P.S. This hasn't had a final edit yet, so please excuse any mistakes. I'll try and get around to it tomorrow!

Lily leaned back in her chair, rubbing at her stomach. She seemed content, full of food and happiness. Earlier, as they'd been getting their pedicures, Lily had moaned that part of her wished she could stay in this fantasy land where she got pampered all day forever, and Natalie agreed, but alas, tomorrow they had to go back to their everyday lives and responsibilities.

“Finished?” Natalie asked, eyeing up the remains of Lily’s blackberry parfait.

“I can’t eat another thing,” Lily replied with a laugh, “I feel like I’m carrying Harry all over again.”

Natalie reached out to pluck a piece of honeycomb from the plate, popping it into her mouth with a grin, “did you not know there’s an extra shelf in your stomach for dessert?”

“Have at it,” Lily shook her head with a fond disbelief, pushing the plate in Natalie's direction. It didn’t take long for her to finish the last of the desert and after another frozen margarita each, the two of them of them headed back up to their bedroom. There was a wait for the elevator. Natalie took advantage of the lull to wrap her arms around Lily’s waist, swaying them side to side in a silly sort of slow dance. “I’m gonna miss you,” Natalie mumbled into Lily’s hair.

“You’re going to see me in 3 days,” Lily countered, taking Natalie’s hand as the elevator doors opened with a ping. The silence that occupied the space between them seemed more awkward than normal, but Natalie couldn't place exactly why. "Can I ask you a question?" Lily asked just as the reached their floor.

Somewhere in the recesses of her brain, Natalie felt the urge to tell Lily that she had, in fact, just asked a question, but her intuition was telling her Lily wouldn't appreciate the joke just now. "You know you can. What's up?" Natalie replied, reluctantly dropping Lily's hand so she could root in her backpack for the room key. There was a quiet while she searched, but Natalie could hear the cogs in Lily's brain turning, until eventually she found the item and was able to push the door open.

Lily paused just inside the room, looking behind her to watch the door swing shut, like some animal that had just been caged in. She worried her lip between her teeth, a habit Natalie had always gently scolded her for, but this time Natalie squashed the urge to tell her not to do it. "Hey Lilypad, what's going on?" Natalie pressed, sweeping a piece of Lily's hair from her face.

“Would you - What if - I -” Lily stumbled over the start of her sentence a few times before letting out a small frustrated growl. Natalie squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, recognising that Lily just needed a bit of space to work through what could sometimes be a crippling perfectionism. Natalie guessed that a tiny part of it was just her natural personality, but growing up with a sister who twisted every word Lily said into some ugly version of the truth most definitely hadn’t helped.

“Why don’t we sit down?” Natalie cocked her head towards the bed. She noted briefly that the sheets had been changed. Lily swallowed, nodded resolutely and started the short walk without making a sound. Something in the journey helped because as soon as the back of Natalie’s thighs had touched the bedding, words tumbled out of Lily’s mouth.

“Would you still be my friend if we never had sex again?" Lily started. The small gesture Lily made to indicate she hadn't yet finished warmed Natalie's heart; it was the small things that indicated how well her friend knew her were her favourite. "I know when you first asked, you said that I could say no and it wouldn’t change anything about our relationship, but sometimes it feels like now we’ve taken that step maybe you don’t want it to go back?”

Natalie tucked her legs up, resting her chin against her knees, taking her time to think over the words. She would be lying if she said they hadn’t hurt, and she didn’t want her response to be in anger. “Lily, I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way,” Natalie said quietly. She heard Lily breath in deeply, a sentence on the tip of her tongue, then the breath was let out, words exhaled with it. Natalie met Lily’s eyes, finding her voice again, “But I need you to know, I give zero fucks if we never do anything even remotely sexual ever again. Sure, I love being with you. You’re beautiful and attentive, and I love making you feel good. But our friendship will always, always, come first." She paused, letting her answer sink in. "Can I ask why you’re asking now? You’ve seemed so happy these last few days.”

“God, yes, Natalie I’ve loved this weekend. I always love spending time with you,” Lily said quickly. “I’ve just...I’ve noticed that sometimes you get sulky when you know you’re going to see me but in a group. I figured it’s because we can’t, you know…”

“Lilypad, I think this is what is known as a failure to communicate,” Natalie let out a sigh of relief. “I do sometimes get sulky, as you put it. But not because I want to have sex with you all the time. Although, I wouldn't complain about that," she laughed lightly, hoping the small joke would make the air feel a bit less thick. "It’s just because...Look, I adore having all my favourite people in one room. I love watching you be a mom. Watching James shower you in affection makes me happy. I love seeing you laugh with Kase and Al. However, it’s not the same as one - on - one. Whether that’s us watching a movie, or baking or having sex, I love getting to spend time with my best friend. It doesn’t mean I don’t want those group moments, it just means I miss having you all to myself as well.”

Lily wrapped her hand around Natalie’s knee, pulling gently until Natalie relented and allowed herself to be drawn into Lily’s side. Natalie rested her head on Lily’s shoulder, looking up to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry,” Natalie apologised.

Lily shook her head, her ponytail swaying with the movement. “No, I’m sorry for making assumptions,” she countered, tracing her thumb along Natalie’s jawline. “I think I get it. When Harry came along, I craved the time it was just me and James again, but somehow at the same time, I wanted to clutch Harry to my chest and keep him all to myself, whilst also wanting it to be all three of us together. Brains are weird.”

“Brains are weird,” Natalie repeated, chuckling at the truth behind those words.

“And now, I have you too. Whatever this is,” Lily laughed, waving her hand vaguely through the air. “So much love. Too much love.”

“There’s no such thing,” Natalie said adamantly, “Give me all the love.” She turned, tackling Lily against the bed with a laugh, managing to end up with a mouthful of hair. Natalie spluttered, picking red strands from her mouth as she started to pull away, but Lily gripped her t-shirt, stopping her from moving any further way.

“Nope, cuddle time now,” Lily protested.

Natalie wanted to oblige the request, however the faux leather pants she was wearing were practically painted on, and whilst they accentuated her legs wonderfully, they weren’t the most comfortable. “Can we get into pyjamas first?” she suggested.

“A most wonderful idea, Miss Darcy,” Lily agreed, releasing her hold on the t-shirt grasped in her fingers. Natalie shook her head, grazing her lips over Lily’s cheek before she stood, smiling fondly as she watched Lily giggle at her own snooty accent. It was a bit of a chore to drag herself away, but the call of the oversized band t-shirt Natalie had stolen from Kasey at some point over the years was strong. Eventually, she found it beneath her robe, thrown over the back of the armchair nestled into the corner of their hotel room. She was almost able to hear Lily’s smug smirk as she recalled their conversation this morning about storing things in their appropriate places. By the time Natalie had shed her day clothes and pulled the well-worn t-shirt over her head, Lily had already changed into a matching pyjama set, brushed her hair and woven it into a loose braid.

"I don't want to hear a word," Natalie drawled, raising her hand to resemble a stop sign.

"I didn't say anything!" Lily defended, flipping her braid over her shoulder before reaching for her phone. "Do you want music?"

"I could tell you were about to," Natalie retorted, attempting to fold her dirty clothes into her suitcase. Usually, Kasey was the one to complete the seemingly impossible task of getting all the clothes she had brought back into the case at the end of a trip. "Yes please," she nodded, answering Lily's question. "None of that One Direction though."

"I told you that was James!" Lily laughed, making several contemplative sounds before the first notes of a familiar banjo started to play.

Mumford and Sons. The band had been one of Natalie's favourites since forever, but they also reminded her of the long afternoon she had spent with one arm slung around Lily's shoulders, the sun beating down on their necks as they sipped on plastic cups full of some concoction Thomas had formulated. They had sung along to the live music until their voices were hoarse, at which point they'd crawled back to their tent to nap before an evening of more music and alcohol. The almost-kiss that had happened in that tent had been the catalyst they'd needed to discuss the growing sexual tension between the two of them, ultimately leading to this very moment. Natalie threw a look over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow just slightly at Lily. "Nice choice."

Lily hummed scooting backwards, to make herself comfortable against the wall of pillows on the bed. She patted the spot beside her, a warm smile settling over her face, “Come, sit, I’ll do that for you later.”

“You’re an angel, Lilypad,” Natalie beamed, hurrying away from the bulging case before Lily changed her mind. She rounded the bed, jumping onto the free side with a soft “ooft,” crawling into the cocoon Lily had formed with her arms.

“I was so happy on that weekend, so happy and so confused,” Lily murmured as Natalie had wriggled herself into a comfortable position. “I swear I would have just ignored all those weird feelings forever if you hadn’t made me pull my head out of my ass. I will admit having that conversation while making flat pack furniture was a first," she continued, curling a strand of Natalie’s hair around her finger.

Natalie chuckled, remembering how Lily had nearly hammered her thumb off in the process, her attention more focused on the proposal of friends-with-benefits type of relationship than the tool she was wielding. "Hmm, you do look good in a tool belt though," Natalie quipped, playing the tips of her fingers gently over the tattoo peeking out from between the silk shorts and cami Lily was wearing. The tail feathers of the peacock merged beautifully with the scar left behind by the emergency C-section Lily had ended up having to bring baby Harry into the world. “Just remember, this was and always is supposed to be fun, okay? If it’s ever not fun for you anymore then something needs to change,” Natalie hummed.

Lily nodded, releasing the curl of hair and resting her palm on Natalie’s cheek, “You too. This is a two way thing. We both need to be happy.”

“Yeah, me too,” Natalie agreed, nuzzling into the cool of Lily’s hand with a soft sigh. “I’d like a kiss, please? If that’s okay?” she asked quietly. It wasn’t often that Natalie felt shy or uncertain asking for things, but after their recent conversation she didn’t want Lily to get the wrong idea.

“Of course,” Lily replied, her hand wandering to brush across Natalie's lips, as if her fingers were trying to memorise each ridge and curve in them. She bent close, hovering, her breath warm against Natalie’s face as she waited for Natalie to take the affection she wanted. The kiss started off slow and tender, their lips moving softly against one another until Lily pushed insistently into Natalie’s mouth, parting her lips with ease. Natalie's heart didn’t pound in the same way it had the first time they had kissed anymore, but there was something even more special about the familiarity of it all. Her heart didn’t pound, but rather it settled, as if it knew this was part of home. Natalie couldn’t help wrapping her tongue around Lily’s, battling against the intrusion; the taste of tequila lingering from the cocktails they had drunk earlier was sharp amongst the other notes of Lily’s mouth she was well acquainted with. She would let Lily lead soon, but not without putting up the pretence of a fight. “Stop,” Lily laughed, pressing Natalie back against the pillows with a feigned growl. “You’re so competitive.”

Natalie gave an affirmative grunt, her lips curling into a smile, “Mmm, but I win either way.”

“Shut up, and let me kiss you,” Lily scolded playfully, joining their lips again before Natalie could think of a clever reply.

Natalie didn’t know how long they kissed for, drifting between heated and subdued, sometimes just breathing against one another, finally pulling apart when they came to the unspoken agreement that whatever wound needed healing had been. First with words, then with their bodies.

“I know earlier I said you could introduce me to your friend, but I think I’m a bit emotionally drained for new acquaintances tonight,” Lily said, cutting through the silence.

“No, of course. That’s fine. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time for that at a later date,” Natalie nodded. “Any ideas on what we could do though? I’m not feeling a film tonight, but I’m too relaxed for anything that requires any energy,” Natalie mused, her voice still a little breathy.

“We could do a few more chapters of Seven Husbands?” Lily suggested, her features schooled into something that Natalie guessed was supposed to be innocent. It probably would have been successful if Natalie didn’t know her so well.

“You mean I could read a few more chapters to you,” Natalie said, raising an eyebrow.

“Wow, what a wonderful plan,” Lily grinned.

“Uhh huh,” Natalie rolled her eyes affectionately, “I wonder how I thought of it.” She rolled away from Lily a little bit too enthusiastically, swearing as she collided with the bedside table. Shaking off the jolt of pain, she grabbed the paperback. It was an insult to injury when she realised she was going to have to sit up anyway if she wanted to read comfortably. Once Lily had plumped the pillows up, Natalie sat back against them, removing the bookmark and clearing her throat as she began to read.

Lily burrowed further and further under the blankets she had wrapped herself in, until just a pair of green eyes and a flash of red hair was visible. Natalie smiled down fondly at her, not even caring that her voice was starting to feel scratchy. A few pages later, the entire bundle was shaking with Lily’s sobs, her head now buried into Natalie’s lap. Deciding that was her cue to stop reading for the night, Natalie placed the book down and curled her body around Lily’s in a hug. “Are you okay?” she asked tentatively. Whilst she wasn’t one to find herself crying about books, it wasn’t unusual for her to come across Alex sobbing over some fictional character or other and he could be very sensitive about it, despite what he would argue.

“I’ll be fine,” Lily laughed wetly, blinking away tears. “I just want them to be happy. It sucks.”

“It’s just a book, Lilypad,” Natalie chuckled, deciding to risk her wrath.

“You are heartless,” Lily sniffled, trying to bend her head against the blankets to wipe at the damp, without having to untangle herself. Natalie took pity on her, dabbing at the tear tracks, leaving a kiss on each cheek once she was finished. “Thanks,” Lily whispered.

“I’m gonna tell you something, but you have to promise not to shoot the messenger,” Natalie said, distancing herself from Lily a little.

“What?” Lily frowned.

“We still need to brush our teeth,” Natalie rushed out, although she was fairly sure that her eyes revealed the slight glee she was getting from the situation.

The screech that left Lily’s mouth a few seconds later somewhat resembled a pterodactyl.

“Sorry, beautiful,” Natalie tugged at the edges of the blanket. “But teeth hygiene is important y’know.” Lily huffed, but made a vague attempt at helping Natalie release her from the fortress she had created. For all Lily’s complaints, they were both back in bed, cuddled under the sheets less than five minutes later.

“I’ll set an alarm for the morning,” Natalie noted, stretching her arm in the direction of the bedside table, grasping at the air until her fingers grasped around her phone, grunting triumphantly at her success. She had accumulated a few messages over the last few hours. Mostly, she ignored them, but fired off a quick reply to Alex before opening the message from Kasey.

She let out a low whistle, sitting more upright in Lily’s hold as she took in the photo she’d been sent.

“You okay?” Lily asked.

“Well, I don’t think we need to feel guilty about our boys being alone,” Natalie reasoned, turning her screen so Lily could see the photo. James was sprawled across Kasey’s bare chest, his dark hair even more tussled than usual, Kasey’s large hand resting casually on his hip bone. Natalie prided herself on having an eagle eye for who Kasey might be interested in, but she had to admit she hadn’t seen this one coming. Not that she minded one bit.

“Is that?” Lily zoomed in on the picture, looking at the dark mark on the crook of James’ neck. “Huh, interesting,” she hummed, her smile growing wider by the second. “Very interesting. Tell him I said I hope they had fun.”

Natalie didn’t have to wait long for a reply, snorting out a laugh at her boyfriend’s comment. “Kase says James is very good with his tongue,” she told Lily nonchalantly, already tapping out response telling Kasey she was going to sleep now, and for him to have a good night, adding a winking emoji for effect.

“I am aware,” Lily smirked, manipulating the pillows into a more comfortable position for sleeping. Natalie took that as her hint to put her phone down, settling herself close behind Lily, tangling their legs together. They probably wouldn’t stay this way for long, Lily always complaining that Natalie was a human furnace after a few minutes, but it was nice while it lasted.

[offspring-of-calliope]

Hey!

I saw you asked for requests, so how about some Redfinch and/or platonic Ralbert? Basically just Albert and the guys that make him all comfy and happy :-)

Hey, thank you very much for this request, I had so much fun writing this and I hope it turned out alright.

It’s called “A study in being subtle” and it’s basically Redfinch testing the waters of their relationship while Race is trying to help Albert with his biology homework. It’s a modern AU.

I hope you enjoy it,

Sincerely, me,

Lélodie

-----

Albert's head was spinning. He looked down at the notes Race was making while trying to explain to him how photosynthesis worked. Biology was one of the subjects Al hated the most but he had thought that maybe Race's presence would make it more bearable. And indeed, sitting next to Race in Biology class was a lot of fun but on the downside, he was too easily distracted to really understand what the teacher was saying.

The good thing was that Race was – even though he sometimes had the mental state of a little child – a genius when it came to science. So of course, they met up at Al's house today after school so they could do their homework together. Al just hoped that they would be finished before Finch arrived.

A smile graced his lips at the thought of his boyfriend. Boyfriend. The word still seemed a bit foreign in his mind. They hadn't been together for that long, nearly two months now, and they hadn't even told their friends that they were dating. Albert was always really careful when it came to relationships, considering that he hadn't even completely figured out his sexuality, and Finch respected that.

“... and that's it, basically. Easy peasy.” Satisfied with his conclusion, Race took a sip of his water and glanced over at Albert, only now realising that the redhead hadn't even been listening to him. “Al? You okay?”

“Mh, what? Yes, totally. Photosynthesis. Plants producing oxygen. Got it.” Contrary to his words, Albert's smile faltered while he let his gaze wander over the notes on the topic.

Race sighed deeply, taking an unlit cigarette from his pocket and put it between his lips, presumably to calm down. “Did you understand at least one of the things I've been trying to explain to you?”

“Of course!” Al retorted, maybe a bit too harsh. Yet, he couldn't help it. Languages came easy to him. Languages, sports, dancing, literally anything except for mathematics and biology and physics. He even understood a little chemistry on good days. But obviously not understanding anything made him feel weird, as if he wasn't enough and then, there was this urge to prove himself. Albert groaned and put a hand on Race's shoulder as a sign of being sorry for nearly snapping. “I understood the words you said,” he answered then.

Race laughed at that. “Well, that's something. But seriously, where was the point where it got too complicated?”

Al opened his mouth to answer but didn't get the chance to say anything because right at this moment, the doorbell rang. Confused, Al looked up. His parents weren't going to be home until at least eight in the evening and it wasn't even four yet. “I'll be right back,” he said, standing up and running down the stairs to get to the front door. Hesitantly, he opened it. The smile that had left his lips at the thought of his homework came back in an instant. “Finch,” he exclaimed, throwing his arms around the other boy.

“Hey, Al,” Finch answered, holding him tightly. “I know I'm early but my dance teacher got sick, so I had no class today and you know that sitting around, simply waiting, makes me antsy.”

“And here I thought you came early because you wanted to see me,” Albert said when the hug was over, followed by a bold wink.

“I thought that was already implied. Anyway, am I interrupting you or something? I can still come back later.”

“No, no, it's fine. It's just -” Al threw a look over his shoulder, then looked back at his boyfriend. He lowered his voice a bit. “Race is helping me with our bio homework. So maybe...”

“Got it. No couple-y stuff.” Finch nodded, intertwining their fingers for a moment to press a kiss on the back of Al's hand and let go.

Albert was certain that his face was as red as his hair. “Yes.” Hastily, so that Finch wouldn't notice him blushing, he closed the door behind the other boy and led him up to his bedroom, where Race was playing some game on his phone.

At the sound of footsteps, Race looked up. “Oh, hey, Finch. Didn't know you'd be here, too. Do you also need help with biology?”

“I am in a different course but if I need help with something, I'll let you know. Coming here was more of a spontaneous decision,” Finch answered, greeting Race with a small hug that didn't last nearly as long as the one he'd had with Al.

“So,” Al started, sitting down next to Race at his desk, after having brought another chair for Finch. “You wanted to know where it got too complicated for me, right?”

Again, Race tried to explain the topic to Al, this time with some comments from Finch, which were unexpectedly helpful most of the time. After a while though, Al got distracted once again. Since his desk wasn't that big, Finch was sitting very near, leaning unconsciously into his personal space to take a look at the notes that Race used for his explanations.

Being aware of Finch, right there, next to him, Al wanted nothing more than to lean back against his chest, feeling his warmth against his back, his touch against his skin. So he did just that. Slowly, so that Race wouldn't notice anything, he leaned back against Finch. The redhead could hear Finch's heart skipping a beat and smiled shyly, trying to concentrate on Race's words.

He was relieved upon realising that when he actually listened to what Race said, he was able to understand at least the basics of the topic.

Then, he felt fingers trailing up his arm, soft touches, barely noticeable. Finch's breath was tickling his neck and Albert nearly let out a dreamy sigh as his boyfriend pressed a feather-light kiss against his skin. Carefully, Al looked at Race but he was busy adding some facts to his former notes.

Feeling daring, all of a sudden, Al decided to go a step further.

He remembered the conversation they'd had, right at the beginning of their relationship. Both of them knew that Albert was a person that craved touch, yet it was also a known fact that Albert didn't exactly consider himself being allosexual. Of course, he appreciated the aesthetics of other people and enjoyed cuddling or little touches, yet he hadn't ever felt the need to get sexual with anyone. Therefore, they had decided to start their relationship rather slowly. Maybe trying some things and seeing how both would react to them.

Naturally, it had been a surprise for both of them when Al had suddenly, during a really soft make-out-session, exclaimed that he wouldn't mind taking the relationship into sexual territory carefully as long as it was Finch who was by his side. They hadn't done anything but still, the fact that both of them weren't opposed to intimate touches was something they were aware of.

Still a bit hesitant, Al let his hand wander until it rested on Finch's upper thigh. He could hear Finch holding his breath for a moment and looked back at him with a smug smile. Finch was also wearing a little smile but it was obvious that he was torn between not doing anything Al would later regret and keep playing the little game of doing things while Race was seemingly oblivious to it.

“Do you think we can move on to doing the homework or is there still something that's not clear to you?” Race's sudden question made Al turn his head, maybe a bit too abrupt and he hoped that Race wasn't able to see his hand that was still resting on Finch's thigh – too high to be explained with a platonic reason.

“No, I got it. I think we can move on to the task,” Albert answered honestly.

“Okay, I'm just gonna get the sheet,” Race said, facing away from the both of them to search for his homework in his bag.

Albert nearly yelped when he felt Finch's hand on his cheek, turning his head to face him again. One heartbeat later, Finch was kissing him directly on the mouth.

“Oh, there it is.” Albert cursed Race in his head for finding his sheet that quickly because the kiss ended as suddenly as it had begun so that their friend wouldn't notice anything.

Actually solving the tasks they had to do turned out to be easy on the one hand and really difficult on the other hand. While writing his answers, Al kept thinking of what to do about Finch since it was now his turn to play the game. But he couldn't come up with something, instead trying to get the homework done as quickly as possible so he could be alone with Finch.

He was tired of keeping his hand in place on Finch's thigh, so in the end he settled for putting it in Finch's hand instead. After a while, when Race and Al were discussing one of the last questions, he felt Finch starting to massage his palm and he feared that he'd never be able to stop smiling.

It seemed as if ages had passed before Race and Al finally finished their homework and Race was packing his stuff together. “Are you staying here, Finch?” Race asked, zipping up his bag.

Finch nodded, causing Race to look at him, then at Albert, then at their joined hands. “Wait a moment,” the blond started, seemingly confused, then kind of sceptic. “Are you two holding hands?”

Al was at a loss of words, not sure what to answer but Finch was just laughing. “We're not holding hands. I'm just massaging his hand.”

“A very platonic gesture, I might add,” Al chimed in, retrieving his hand back from Finch's grip. “I've read that platonic massaging was good for... you know. Your health and such. Biology. You're the expert on that, don't you know that?” The redhead knew that he was trying a bit too hard but he kind of liked what he had with Finch. Just the two of them. He didn't want to let anybody in on their relationship just yet.

Not only Finch but Race as well looked at him with a funny face. “Yeah, of course, how could I ever forget the healing power of platonic massaging,” Race eventually stated, taking his bag and standing up. “I'll find the door myself. I hope I could help you at least a little bit.”

“Definitely. Thanks for the help, I owe you something,” Albert said and the two of them hugged.

“Oh, don't mention it. It was also a good revision for myself. Bye, Finch” Race hugged Finch as well, then looked at both of them for a long moment. “Have a fun evening and don't do anything I wouldn't do.” He said with a grin, put his cigarette between his lips and left the room.

Albert only dared to breathe again when he heard the front door opening and closing. “Well, that was...”

“Interesting,” Finch finished his sentence as if he'd known exactly what Al wanted to say.

The redhead nodded. “That's one way to put it. Do you think he noticed something?”

“I'm not sure. Between your babbling about platonic massages with healing powers and me trying not to jump you – a platonic gesture, of course – I couldn't see if he was oblivious or just polite,” Finch answered with a smug smile and laughed when Al punched his shoulder lightly.

“I panicked!”, Al said. The sound of his phone distracted him for a moment and he pulled it out of his jeans, only to see that he had two messages from Race.

Al, you're my best friend and I love you to death but you're not only bad at biology but also at being subtle.

Also, you two are totally my new OTP and I'll support you no matter what. I won't say anything to anybody. Have fun!

“Told you so,” Finch said when Al read the messages out loud.

Al let out a sigh and put his head on Finch's shoulder. “Maybe learning to be subtle should be the next point on my to-do-list.”

“I thought the next point on your to-do-list was me,” Finch answered with a laugh.

“Why do I even put up with you?” Al tried to suppress a laugh and failed. Then, he put his arms around Finch, debating with himself if his boldness from before was a one-time-thing or if he might take Finch's comment seriously.

He took his time thinking and all this time Finch was right there, waiting for him, just happy being together.