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geoffrard · 2 years

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My Chemical Romance, Hardcore Sexual Repression, and the Lemon Stealing Whore

[Content warning for non-graphic references to pornography, sex, sexual violence, and negative attitudes towards sex work. There is no explicit nudity but you might not want to read this in front of your boss. All images have descriptions in alt text. See sources here. Read this essay on my Dreamwidth here.]

It’s the setup of a joke: Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero, Matt Pelissier, and a porn actress huddle around a leather couch in a dingy room as a camera rolls. The actress, a young and bright-eyed Joanna Angel, asks each member of My Chemical Romance in the room, “Do you guys watch porn?”

Most of us have seen the interview. If not, stop and watch it now, because nothing else I say will make sense otherwise. (And here, just for you, I’ve reuploaded the video with at least 10% more pixels. Watch below, or read a transcript here.)

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The fact that My Chemical Romance, whose faces have decorated shirts at Hot Topic for over fifteen years, whose songs have saved lives and inspired memes, who all have wives and children, would end up associated with an alt porn website like Burning Angel often baffles fans watching the interview for the first time.

For example, see these comments left on the original video uploaded to YouTube:

These comments, though more than a few years old, generally represent how a lot fans understand the interview. Other people think it’s funny and perhaps a little out of left field, but don’t question how four members wound up on a porn site like Burning Angel. Both attitudes are a pretty typical example of the MCR fandom’s ignorance about the New Jersey hardcore scene, as well reflecting general weirdness about sex work.

Since I cannot turn my historian brain off, I wanted to provide some of the extremely interesting historical context behind the video. The post I had originally planned to make very, very briefly outlined how MCR ended up being interviewed by Joanna Angel, founder and longtime CEO of Burning Angel. But the more I looked into it, the more I fell down a rabbit hole. This eventually turned into something of a mammoth manifesto about women and sexuality in the late 90s hardcore scene that gave My Chemical Romance and Joanna Angel careers. I will warn you: this is long. But it’s also important historical background information that rarely gets discussed at all—especially by MCR fans.

(So, with all that said, please feel free to ask any questions about anything I say here! Sources for will be posted on a different post which I will link at the end, and I have been quite thorough, though not as thorough as I could have been.)

Tl;dr: Joanna Angel came up in the exact same scene as My Chemical Romance, Thursday, and Midtown, a scene which stigmatized open sexual expression, at the expense of women and queer people—especially those involved in sex work. When she started her porn site, Burning Angel, she applied the same DIY values that her peers did to their own bands, but faced violence and ostracization from a subculture much too repressed to embrace such blatant expression of female sexuality. In this context, the My Chemical Romance interview with Burning Angel in 2004 was not only a group of guys doing a favor for someone they had probably known for years at that point; it can also be read as a somewhat controversial act that pushed back against this aversion to sexuality, and that helped legitimize and popularize both the site and Joanna Angel’s career.

Burning Angel: the Movie (2005)

Say you’re a diehard My Chemical Romance fan in 2005—if you really want to watch your favorite band discuss their porn-viewing habits, you’ll have to travel to either your local adult entertainment store or go to the hardcore porn site BurningAngel.com and order their first DVD, appropriately titled Burning Angel: The Movie. Once you have the disc, you’ll have to fast forward through several sex scenes and interviews with other bands before you arrive at what you wanted: the actress who you’ve just seen in hardcore sex scenes asking Gerard, Frank, Mikey and Otter questions about their preferences in adult entertainment.

The DVD was Burning Angel’s first attempt at more professional pornography, and Joanna’s first foray into full participation in filmed, live-action sex. Joanna Angel would later go on to be one of the most well-known porn stars of our time—in Virgin Territory (2006), for example, she played a lemon stealing whore; you might have seen the video—and Burning Angel would be credited with the popularization of the “alt” porn genre, which broke from the exploitative mainstream porn model and typically featured models representative of subcultures.

But in 2005 her alt porn empire was still in its infancy, and Joanna was still struggling to rectify her recent full expulsion from the local New Jersey hardcore social scene with her enduring devotion to DIY values—and the fact that members of the sexually repressed subculture that had ostracized Joanna were her site’s target audience.

Joanna Angel on the Scene

Any thoughts of a future career in adult entertainment and the last name Angel were far from her mind when Joanna Mostov enrolled in Rutgers University in 1998.

Though she often pushed back against the wishes of her religious orthodox Jewish family, the extent of her adolescent rebellion had ended at sneaking out to punk shows and getting piercings her mother wouldn’t approve of. At Rutgers, Joanna quickly became enmeshed in the New Brunswick hardcore scene, putting her in the same circles as a host of people whose names you might recognize: Geoff Rickly of Thursday (who ran hundreds of shows out of his basement), Gabe Saporta of Midtown and Cobra Starship, and Alex Saavedra of Eyeball Records.

Geoff Rickly: Well, you know, the funny thing is that, at the time, Joanna, who would later go on to form Burning Angel and become a famous porn star in her own right, was playing in her goth bands with chelsea haircuts and the basement shows. Like, her local goth band would play. And they’d bring out people and stuff, and I’d put touring bands on that show, and so it’s funny to me how, weirdly, DIY punk hardcore scenes and porn had weird associations then. [source: Going Off Track: Geoff Rickly, 2012]

The NJ hardcore scene was close-knit enough that while she only has documented friendships with some of these people, she had to have crossed paths with most of them multiple times (for example, Joanna was at the show on December 31, 1998 where Thursday and Midtown played their first real sets). She went to every show she could and hosted some in her own basement.

While we don’t necessarily have a written record of her friendship with Frank Iero and Mikey Way of My Chemical Romance, the fact that Joanna attended plenty of shows in the North Jersey area and also spent a lot of time at the Eyeball House (Alex was a close friend; and Pencey Prep was on his label) suggests that, at the the very least, Joanna, Frank, and Mikey were aware of each other’s presence in these early years. They were peers in the same scene, just as they were with everyone else who frequented the same venues or played in the same basements.

For years, the hardcore scene mattered to her more than anything else; it was her social life and what she based her values upon.

Those hardcore values and a growing curiosity about her own sexuality lead Joanna to sex-positive feminist activism and a writing internship with Nerve.com, an online magazine which explored topics related to sex and romantic relationships. From there, her interest in expressing her own sexuality continued to develop.

[Suicidegirls in 2001]

So, in 2002, when her roommate and friend asked her if she wanted to start a porn site that offered more explicit content than sites like SuicideGirls, which featured punk aesthetics and band interviews but stayed away from anything more than simple nudity, Joanna agreed.

BurningAngel.com went live in April 2002. It wanted to do things differently than other porn sites. While not necessarily pushing the boundaries of beauty standards, the site used models who were beautiful but in a more approachable, average sense. Joanna has said that since she had little experience even watching porn prior to starting the site, she wanted the site to mimic the kind of sex she was having with actors who looked like the people she was having sex with.

Joanna: When we started the website, it was a reflection of ourselves. It still is to this day. There's band interviews on the website, the style of girl that we use is not your average typical porn star and the personality on the website is a little bit different. All the members interact with each other, all of the girls have blogs and profiles, and people become friends with each other. It's more of a community and a reflection of a subculture rather than just being a website with content to jerk-off to and never think about again. [source: Complex: Interview: Joanna Angel Talks Alt Porn, Piracy, And Her Blow-Up Doll, 2011]

[Burning Angel’s homepage in June 2002]

Hardcore Punk Reacts to Hardcore Porn

Her longtime involvement in the scene and her application of DIY ethics to her porn business did not mean that the hardcore culture actively nurtured Joanna Angel’s career in porn. In reality, many parts of the scene were actively hostile towards Joanna and the site once Burning Angel went live.

This backlash isn’t incredibly surprising within the context of late 90s hardcore, a subculture that by and large refused to acknowledge sexuality of any kind.

The sexual repression in hardcore reflected several different aspects of its culture: a negative perception of women active in the scene; a reaction against the violence of tristate hardcore in the early 90s; and, more than anything else, the general privilege of those involved in the underground.

Like Joanna, Geoff Rickly, and Frank Iero, most people involved in New Brunswick hardcore were enrolled at Rutgers, and white, middle-class male college students dominated the scene. For many of them, applying DIY values to their own lives meant distancing themselves from their socioeconomic upper-hand. Consequently, the scene as a whole developed an attitude of asceticism, rejecting anything that served no purpose beyond pleasure or personal enjoyment. (Of course, it was easy for them to reject their social privileges, especially when they could just as easily cast off their aesthetic of poverty and self-denial for an adulthood of relative comfort.)

To do anything just because you enjoyed it, or because it brought you happiness in the moment, was seen to be a betrayal of hardcore’s higher intellectual goals—and that included sex. You can see this trend, for example, in lyrics from NJ hardcore bands, which focused on things like political issues or childhood traumas instead of the common themes of sexual and romantic desire found in mainstream music.

Joanna spoke about finding comfort in the general sexual repression of the scene because of her own adolescent insecurities:

Joanna: Me being very sexually not advanced and insecure, [90s hardcore] was the perfect place for me, because I could ignore [sexuality]. I was getting older, I don’t know, I wanted to explore myself more. So I began to write these graphic sex stories. My roommate, Mitch, knew about it, and I remember him getting a kick out of it. [source: Turned Out A Punk #127: Joanna Angel (Burning Angel)]

For another salient example, Geoff Rickly of Thursday has spoken about his own struggles with the hardcore scene’s repression, especially in regards to the shame he felt about writing sexually explicit stories for pay:

Geoff Rickly: You have to think, this is the 90s punk scene. It's not now. Nobody would openly talk about sex in DIY punk. It was such a repressed PC time, where — I mean, a lot of that stuff is my heart, like the political activism that was still such a part of punk, and actually just giving a shit about things that matter, and modes of how you're doing what you're doing. Those things seemed to matter back then, and I appreciated that side, but it was also so uptight. So repressed. [source: Going Off Track: Geoff Rickly, 2012]

While its general aversion to sexuality might have been born out of an initial desire to reform the violent misogyny of other hardcore cultures, it created the conditions for certain social problems to go completely unaddressed. After all, how can you address the rampant misogyny, homophobia, and sexual violence in your community if any acknowledgement of sexuality is taboo?

(For a brief but interesting perspective on the impact of hardcore sexual repression upon queer people in the scene, check out Episode #4 of Geoff Rickly’s podcast Dark Blue, in which Steve Pedulla and Norman Brannon discuss their experiences as gay musicians in the scene.)

Of course, these issues aren’t confined to the New Jersey hardcore, nor were they unique to the late 1990s. This particular brand of sex-averse misogyny reflects important threads within the feminism of the time which villainized open female sexuality—especially when it concerned sex work. Left-leaning spaces like music undergrounds adopted this sex-negative, misogynistic attitude as a part of their feminism—not in opposition to it.

In particular, the Riot Grrrl movement of the late 80s/early 90s pushed back against a culture (and a subculture) that shamed women for publicly expressing their sexuality. Following that, early fanzines and performance practices addressed the mistreatment of sex workers in hardcore as one way that female bodily autonomy was limited and women’s bodies were policed. Bikini Kill frontwoman and Riot Grrrl pioneer Kathleen Hanna has spoken about her past in sex work, the hostility she endured for openly discussing it, and the importance of that experience in shaping the form of Riot Grrrl’s protest.

Kathleen Hanna: “Whenever we were written about in the press, I wanted my sex-work history to be part of the description, because I wanted other women whom I danced at clubs with (and who never knew my real name) to see themselves reflected in some way. A lot of women who are doing music now have been sex-trade workers, prostitutes, dancers; I thought it was really important that I didn’t hide that. But I also didn’t want to glamorize that experience in being a super-cool thing in itself. I just wanted other women who work in the sex industry to remember that we can be sex-trade workers and be philosophers, writers, musicians, artists, or whatever. [Andrea Juno, Angry Women in Rock (1996)]

Riot Grrrl gained significant traction and nation-wide attention. In the decade or so after Kathleen Hanna and her peers catalyzed the movement, bands like Bikini Kill and Bratmobile remained incredibly popular, and likely contributed a lot to shifting attitudes towards sexuality in music subcultures.

Still, these sex-negative attitudes prevailed among enough people involved in local underground scenes that, when Burning Angel launched in 2002 and Joanna started marketing it in local hardcore spaces, the site received a lot of attention—both good and bad. The positive attention fueled the site and allowed it to expand beyond just photographs, text interviews, and low-budget personal sex tapes that characterized its early content.

However, the negative attention Joanna and her site received was vocal, targeted, and occasionally involved literal physical violence. As Kathleen Hanna had faced moral condemnation for her time in sex work, Joanna Angel faced criticism from fellow members of her subculture who thought sex work to be completely antithetical to their social justice goals. She has spoken about how difficult it was to see a community she had cared about for years turn her back on her completely for engaging in a type of work that she found enjoyable, and that she thought could be done with moral integrity.

Joanna Angel: People were calling me ugly, calling me all sorts of mean shit, how [Burning Angel was] making a profit, [we were] exploiting women, blah blah blah. And I was so bummed. I was like, you know, this isn’t fair! I always support every fucking band in the punk scene. Even if I don’t like the band, I support them—I go to their shows, I would hand out fliers for their shows. I thought it was like a code, in the punk scene, that it doesn’t matter whether you like it or not. If this is part of the scene, you accept it, and you help it, and you love it—and I thought that’s what you were supposed to do. I remember being very hurt, you know? I was like, dude, I didn’t violate any punk laws by starting this. My friend from my computer class is the one who put it online. All the other girls on the site—all three of them— were punk chicks and part of the scene. And I felt really bad; people were insulting the other girls, and I really thought I was starting this cool thing where girls could just explore their sexuality. And mind you, at the time, the beginning of Burning Angel was just photos, not even videos. People were getting all up in this upheaval because of a handful of naked photos on the internet. It’s crazy to think about now. [source: Turned Out A Punk #127: Joanna Angel (Burning Angel)]

Amidst the mounting antagonism and after an incident at Hellfest 2004, Joanna officially decided to leave the hardcore scene that she’d been involved with for over five years.

Joanna Angel: I remember going to Hellfest one year. Maybe it was like 2004?…these girls were throwing water balloons at us because we had a booth there. Because we used to get booths at some of these shows and sell tshirts. We didn’t even have any DVDs—we’d literally get in a booth and sell tshirts and hand out fliers and stickers. And these other girls were throwing water balloons at us and calling us sluts. I was like, “Hey, that sucks, can you stop doing that?” And one of my friends—he owned a record label. He owned Eyeball Records, Alex…he saw the girls picking on us, and he went over to the girls, and said, “Hey, can you cool it? They have a booth here—let them do their thing. They’re not gonna get in your way.” And then those girls and their boyfriends beat him up, and he wound up in the hospital. He almost died. It was terrible. And I was like, we have to get out here. Let’s just stay away. If we’re a porn site, let’s just be a porn site. Let’s promote ourselves with other porn companies; let’s step away for a little while. Everyone in the punk scene knows who we are. They’ve made their decision about if they like us or not. I’m still gonna interview bands, still gonna do that thing—but I’m done. [source: Turned Out A Punk #127: Joanna Angel (Burning Angel)]

Joanna and Burning Angel’s separation from the NJ hardcore scene in 2004 finally brings me to Burning Angel: The Movie, My Chemical Romance, and that interview.

So, 2004: after over two years spent largely behind the camera and slowly expanding her porn site, Joanna finally decided to get in front of the camera and produce a more intentionally crafted alt porn video that retained the feel of the website. Thus Burning Angel: the Movie was born.

As Joanna explains in the interview, the general idea of the DVD was that different self-contained pornographic scenes would be interspersed with band interviews. One of the key features of Burning Angel, like Suicide Girls before it, was the band interviews subscribers could access alongside the porn, so it made sense to preserve this aspect of the site on the DVD experience. Joanna interviewed five bands in early 2005: Killswitch Engage, Eighteen Visions, Shadows Fall, The Dillinger Escape Plan, and, of course, My Chemical Romance—all bands that Joanna admired, and who had been involved in the same scene that she had recently left because of very real threats to her emotional and physical well-being.

Within this context, My Chemical Romance’s decision to participate in the Burning Angel interview was a statement, as they put their support behind an enterprise that was highly controversial within the social circle most immediately relevant to them.

Fresh off the 2004 Warped Tour and promoted Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, My Chemical Romance might have appeared to be largely divorced from their scene of origin, but they still acted in response to those politics—politics that impacted American culture at large more than you’d think—in both intentional and incidental ways.

That is not to say that MCR was being overtly political; they’ve made a clear effort to distance themselves from the clear-cut political imagery and goals of some of their peers in hardcore. Still, the band (Gerard especially) very obviously cared a lot about using their music and stage presence to express shades of sexuality that they perceived to be lacking from some forms of music.

Gerard: I also wanted, at the same time, [for] the record to be a testament to self-expression, and putting stuff in there like that, while not being a homosexual myself, but expressing myself in a homosexual way, is either going to push your buttons in a negative way or you’re going to identify with it. [AP: Well, this whole scene wants you to be sensitive, but not too sensitive.] It is extremely homoerotic, especially the whole emo-sensitive thing. Everyone’s wearing women’s pants; everyone’s got women’s haircuts; everyone’s wearing youth-medium shirts. I don’t want to come out and say it. It’s blatantly obvious. Wearing a leather jacket is an extremely masculine thing to do in this scene. Even the hardcore bands, the really hard ones, you see them in makeup and stuff. I like that. I think it keeps it dangerous. It keeps it exciting. In a way, sex has really been missing from rock, especially because of all the sensitivity. That’s what I really wanted to convey on the record, too. I wanted the record to be very dangerous and sexy at the same time. There’s such a lack of sex in music. It’s been more about getting in touch with your feelings and being there for each other, which is great, but it’s definitely lacking this sexual duality. [Source: Alternative Press #193, Aug 2004; emphasis mine]

Additionally, many of their moments of explicit sexuality on stage were designed to be somewhat incendiary and polarizing.

But it’s important to remember that, just as late 90s New Jersey hardcore was not the first subculture with issues of sexual repression, My Chemical Romance does not represent the first attempt to push back at this asexual culture and definitely weren’t leading that particular conversation. Gerard took inspiration from artists already pushing those boundaries and incorporating sexual expression into their art. He has spoken, for example, about the impact of Riot Grrrl acts upon his music and stage presence (Joanna Angel has similarly pointed to bands like Bikini Kill as significant influences). These bands had already incorporated resistance against harmful sexual repression, values which Gerard and his band mates took on when they adopted their styles into My Chemical Romance.

(I also want to mention briefly that other significant people in the hardcore world have spoken out against pornography, such as Ian MacKaye of the formative post-hardcore band Fugazi. MacKaye owned Dischord Records, the definitive underground music label, to which a young Frank Iero unsuccessfully attempted to get his band Sector 12 signed. The matter of pornography and its role within the hardcore world was not one upon which you could maintain a neutral stance after, say, appearing on a porn DVD.)

As shitty as it was that they needed approval from the men in the scene, My Chemical Romance, along with other bands, supported Burning Angel, a new kind of porn, and helped legitimize Joanna Angel’s claim that what she was doing was not backwards or exploitative but had integrity.

Have you had an issue with people you grew up with when they find out you're in the adult industry? Joanna: At first people had problem[s], but not anymore. Once the cool kids in bands said, "I think what she's doing is cool" all the others turned around. Everyone I ever respected didn't have an issue with it and all the stupid, annoying hardcore kids had a problem. For as much shit as I got, I also got a lot of support. [Source: Hustlerworld Interview: Joanna Angel]

I don’t mean to glamorize the porn industry or to depict Joanna Angel as some savior of female sexuality in the early 2000s. But, as Kathleen Hanna points out, sex work is legitimate work, and sex workers deserve to have workplaces that treat them with dignity and communities that recognize their humanity. The reality was that NJ hardcore as a community did not support sex workers. Fundamentally, these were the barriers that caused Joanna and Burning Angel to make an exodus from the local hardcore scene—and they are the attitudes we risk reproducing when we express discomfort that a band we admire has interacted with a sex worker.

My intentions with this post (which turned out longer than I had ever anticipated, so Jesus, thank you for reading) were to shed light on the historical context of one moment in My Chemical Romance’s history. I’ve found that the average MCR fan, even those with a specific fondness for their early years, doesn’t actually know much at all about it—so I hope this has given some clarity.

I’ll end on this note: Without bands supporting Burning Angel, who knows—we might have never seen the lemon stealing whore. At the very least, the culture surrounding porn would look a lot different. That might not mean it would look better or worse—though you can’t deny the role that Joanna Angel played, nor the role that bands from the New Jersey Hardcore scene like My Chemical Romance played in shaping the American culture of pornography.

Find sources for this post here.

[acknowledgements: thank you so much for reading! my forever thanks, as always, to nic @raytorosaurus, sophia @sendmyresignation, vyn @bringmoreknives, and maddy @8thnotes for their continued cheerleading as i spent over a month writing this long, long post. additional thanks to wes @killrockstar for very kindly offering some incredibly helpful guidance about riot grrrl and sending me resources about kathleen hanna. and much gratitude to merlin @void-flesh and @transmascfrankiero for their feedback on the final draft of this essay.]

#mcr #my chemical romance #joanna angel #mcr meta #my post

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bonecoatvodtranscripts · 2 months

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Transcript: talking about something more serious (Shubble VOD 2/21/2024)

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CWs: physical abuse, emotional abuse/gaslighting, financial abuse, mentions of sexual assault

Feel free to reupload this transcript anywhere, I really don't care about credit for this one

Hello!

I don't know if you can even hear it. I put on, like, light jazz in the background because it seemed awkward being quiet, but I don't think you can hear it, so I'm just going to turn it off. Hello.

Welcome. We are in emote-only cause I'm just going to be talking today and then I'm going to go. I'm going to go. Yeah, it was very very low. There's no need. I just - it felt weird leaving you in silence, but I'm here, so.

Hello. I want to talk about something today that... I'm very nervous. I feel sweaty. I had a sweater on. I had to take it off. I'm going to try and just - I wrote down pretty much everything I think that I want to say, to keep track of all the points that I want to make sure I don't forget anything, so I will be reading from something a good portion of the time, but not 100% of the time. And I just wanted to make sure I got all of my thoughts down in words ahead of time. I really like writing down my thoughts, so I did that.

Oh, hold on. Can I turn ads off? I think that maybe we turn ads off today. (laughs) How do I make that happen for just today? I should have had that already. I actually don't even know how to make that happen. You know what? That's just going to have to be that way. I'm so sorry, um... I'm all good.

Yeah, okay. Today's just going to be talking. I'm just going to start reading from what I wrote and go from there. I have a really big coffee. I'm going to take a swig. (drinks some coffee) And I have my water, and I'm going to take a swig of that. (drinks some water)

I have always liked telling my different experiences that I've had in dating, because it feels important to me to share what I've learned and maybe help other people to not make the same mistakes that I have before. I'm 30. I've dated a lot. I've gone on a lot of dates. I keep trying, and it's unfortunate that a lot of my dating history, there were a lot of bad people that tried to manipulate or control me. But that's not to say that every person that I've dated has treated me poorly. Some people just weren't the right people. And speaking out about my bad experiences has never felt as important as it does right now, because silence has always brought me peace, and this time it feels like my silence is not keeping my peace. It's only keeping somebody else's peace.

And I never thought that I could be the kind of person to end up in a situation like I did. I never thought that could happen to me. And so for me this is important, because it could help anybody else see the signs sooner than I did, or hopefully avoid a similar situation entirely, because... (deep breath) The truth is it was dangerous.

There were a lot of things wrong in this relationship that, um... I endured some pretty terrible treatment. And I might touch on some things here and there about that, if I feel like it's important to the overall context. But what I want to stay focused on is this specific issue, and the things that happened matter-of-factly and the things that people saw and witnessed in our circle.

It took me 10 months after to heal, and I spoke with multiple therapists and tried different forms of therapy. I tried somatic therapy. That one was actually really good for me, because that one actually helped me release a lot of built-up anger I was having over the last year. But the anger that I was feeling was for myself, because I felt like I should have known better. I felt so stupid at myself for staying through all of this. And I shared my story with a lot of friends after I started talking to therapists, and I was like, So this thing happened and I wasn't really sure. It just seems weird now to me, looking back. And all of them told me exactly what was happening in the words that I was too afraid to use. And I was being hurt in my last relationship, and it took me all of that time to see it through that lens. I even posted an anonymous story to Reddit that I have now deleted, with an anonymous account, but in posting that, I found a dozen other stories that were exactly like mine, exactly the same way. And all of the comments said exactly the same thing.

And I was so mad at myself because I was lying, too, at a certain point, to protect this person, because I knew that if I told my friends the truth, it would make him look really bad.

I didn't think that I would cry, and I practiced saying all of this and I didn't cry, but it's easier to practice it when no one is listening.

But he always cared more about how it looked, and that was really important. Not what was true. And it was really subtle. When I hear about... When I hear about physical abuse, I think of hitting. I think of hitting and punching. So I thought that this wasn't violent enough to be abuse. I thought that it was just, like, a constant accident that he kept hurting me. But he's not hitting me.

And it didn't start as something that he did to hurt me. He had this habit of biting, which is so weird to me now, but he said that he had this habit since he was a kid, and even his mom said that that was true, and he said it was just affectionate, and that might have been... I mean, I think that might have been true maybe at the start, but I also feel that I have good reason to believe that every part of it was a lie. But that's just my personal opinion.

And I had no problem with just biting. That isn't even the most uncommon thing. But he did mention something early that I should have taken as a red flag. And he want wanted to make sure that I was okay with him biting me, because he didn't want me to come back later and say that he abused me, which I thought was really weird considering he had never hurt me before, and so why would I call it abuse, and why was he thinking about that? And I thought he was being sweet, checking on me to make sure that I was still comfortable, but of course I was, because he hadn't hurt me. And why would I think he ever would?

And then he did for the first time, by accident. And I don't specifically remember the actual first time that he bit me too hard by accident, because I didn't think that it would be significant. I thought that it would only happen once. And he started biting me more and more over a period of time, sort of throughout the whole relationship, and accidents of him biting too hard and really hurting me happened more and more frequently. But he always seemed genuinely sorry, and he decided that he didn't want to keep accidentally hurting me. So we were going to use a safeword so he could learn where my limit was, where my pain tolerance ended. And saying that out loud now doesn't sound - like, that's not very sound logic. But at the time, I thought he cared about not hurting me, but in reality it's like, why are you biting so hard? And why do you have to bite so hard? And it shouldn't be that hard of a problem to stop. That shouldn't be that hard.

And he disguised it as this really quirky part of our relationship, and was so comfortable sharing it with his friends, to the point that he would do it in front of them. He thought it was this really funny story to tell, and a good bit to take my arm and bite me in front of everybody until I literally shout in pain. And then I have to laugh it off, because I'm so embarrassed and I don't want to cause a scene in front of our friends, and I'm sure everyone was a little bit uncomfortable, but as long as I was saying that it was fine, nobody really felt like they needed to be concerned, and that's not anybody's fault, because I was lying. I was lying, and it wasn't fine, because I would go home later and I'd tell him how uncomfortable I was, how much I didn't like being hurt all the time, and I needed him to really stop biting so hard. I didn't like it, and I tried telling him over and over again, because he-

[VOD cuts] - asked him to stop again. This time he said, This is who he is. He isn't going to change. Those were his words. And I remember a lot of specifically his words about certain things, especially at the end, because I'm good at remembering words. Especially his wording, I became really good at remembering, because he was constantly contradicting himself. And I would notice, but most of the time it wasn't worth picking a fight over. But he would fight me on it sometimes, cause I would point it out, and he would insist that he had never said the thing

that he said, he definitely did say. And then he would say something like, "How are you so sure you're remembering correctly? Why are you always right?" And he definitely said the things that I heard him say, and other people heard him say.

So he had, now, at this point, weaponized the safeword, and was using it to ensure that I was hurt and on a constant basis, and he wasn't sorry anymore. I couldn't even tell you the last time he had apologized for doing it anymore, because now sometimes he would bite me, and I would yell out the safeword because it hurt so bad, and he'd clamp down even harder. Just for a second, just for good measure, before letting go. And sometimes I'd say the safeword, and he'd grind his teeth down on my skin, and sometimes he'd smile after, like a gloating grin.

And during this time I was filled with so much anxiety all the time that I was constantly nauseous, gagging daily, on occasion throwing up because of the pit that was in my stomach. I never told him about that, though. I was going and running away quietly to throw up in the toilet and rejoin our group of friends. But I felt so unwanted and ignored. And I would tell him that, and then he would reassure me that he wanted to be together and he loved me. He loved me more than I loved him, even. He would always insist that that was true. Like that, "I love you." "I love you more." But he was, like, really serious about it.

And looking back, I do believe that the way I was swept off my feet at the beginning of this relationship was 100% love bombing. And we were friends for a time. At least, people would have thought that, actually, but I use the word "friend" very loosely, because we had actually never spoke to each other outside of group chats we were in together, like, a handful of times throughout the whole time that we knew each other, but did not talk to each other. so I wouldn't have even called him my friend. Until he found out I was single, waited a few weeks to reach out, and then we started a friendship. And then that friendship turned romantic, and then he made these huge romantic gestures. He wrote me the most beautiful love letter that I had ever read. He called me his soulmate. He talked about forever one month in. He told me he hadn't been in a relationship in 5 years. He thought he could never find love again before he met me. He said he wanted someone to grow with. He wanted to be a dad. He had all his names picked out. And I didn't have a preference, because my feeling of it is, if the timing is right, and with the right person I could. But if that doesn't work out in time, or the timing, you know, I'm not super pressed about it.

But I started opening my mind up to the idea with him, because it seemed so important to him. And I kept trying to talk to him to figure out where he was later on when I could tell things were declining, and now, all of a sudden he's telling me he's not sure he wants kids at all. In fact, he has never been attached to the idea of kids. And I told him that isn't what he said before, and he said he's allowed to change his mind. And I'm of the opinion that in a relationship, there are a few things that you are not actually allowed to change your mind without letting your partner know. I think that kids is one of them. It wasn't even important to me. And I think marriage is one of them, so I brought that up next. And I asked if he still wanted marriage. He said he wanted to marry me. And then he said now, "I'm not the-" this is a quote, "I'm not the commitment guy. You know that."

I didn't know that. Why are you dating me? In fact, he was telling me the exact opposite every day. He would tell me he still wanted to be together. He wanted to work on all of the problems. He wanted me at the end of everything. He did not want to break up. He made that very clear.

I have, though, caught him in lies before, but usually it was small stuff, and again, I didn't want to - It wasn't anything that ever seemed worth rocking the boat over. Which isn't normal for me. I hate lies. And yet I ended up lying for him. But he had lied about big things, and he had also been caught lying by his friends numerous times. So this is something that he feels is acceptable to do.

And everything reached a breaking point when he was about to leave for an extended period of time. We were not going to see each other very much- a few days out of every few months. And now suddenly he is dumping all of these problems that he has been having feelings about all of this time later. At one point he said he's been feeling this way a couple months. At another point he says he's been feeling this way for six months, immediately contradicting himself in the same conversation. And with no time to do anything about it. I arrive the one of- Never mind. I'm going to get to something later. But I literally arrived for 3 days for this conversation to happen and then leave.

(cat mews) My cat just woke up and she's not usually awake right now. (leans to cat, offscreen) Hi, my love. It's really close to her dinner time. I should have fed her early.

So, no time to fix any of the problems all of a sudden, because there are three days before he leaves. And he insisted he did not want to break up. And so he was expecting me to have a solution somehow magically, and I gave a number of solutions that would have a way forward for us to be together, but he refused to make any compromise whatsoever. And he said that the relationship was starting to feel like a responsibility towards the end. Also his words. So it wasn't a responsibility the whole rest of the time to him.

And he was at this point basically flaunting that he would never prioritize me over anything. (talking to cat, indistinct) And I wasn't even asking for literally even the bare minimum. I was asking for so little. And he - I was watching him give exactly what I was needing in the relationship all over the place to anybody else who just happened to ask and just wasn't me.

And also, he was never going to prioritize me over anything that would give him more fame or money. In fact, he said that himself. That was exactly why he was not going to compromise at all for a solution for us to be together, because he said he wanted to see how much fame and money he could get. And I just thought we wanted to be together. I thought that's what we both wanted, because that's what he was still saying he wanted, too.

But then he also admitted to me that he had grown to resent me. And I have to be thankful that he said that bit out loud - a lot of these bits, he said out loud - because that was the last push that I needed to get myself out. He had grown resentful, which I also pointed out that there was no reason to feel that way, and he admitted that there was no reason for him to feel that way either. I think that it was because I'm someone who can communicate how I feel.

But I don't know. I have a lot of theories and reasons why I believe things happened the way that they did, and why he was lying all of the time. But he was resentful of me, was causing me physical harm every day, multiple times a day, despite me telling him over and over again to stop. He wasn't going to change and he wasn't going to end the relationship. He was going to keep hurting me, and it was possibly going to escalate even further. So I broke up with him. And I didn't even want to, because I couldn't even see for such a long time after what it really was that had

happened, that he had abused me. And in fact we left things as, we want to be friends, and he can never imagine not speaking to me again. And then he never spoke to me again, outside of, like, a couple of exchanges where I needed to ask for my clothes to be shipped, so at least I got my clothes back. I had a whole closet full. However, he did throw away all of my other things without saying a word to me about it. Hundreds of dollars of things from my office were trashed without a word. And I didn't block him till 10 months later because I wanted an open door still. I really thought I wanted to be his friend. But, uh, I don't feel that way anymore.

I do believe he was bottling up so many emotions, and he would never talk about how he felt. I think he even - I mean, he did admit that he felt like he couldn't say it any sooner, like there was just no possible way to say how he was feeling sooner than the absolute last possible chance. Not even a chance, because 3 days before he left - that was actually a lie too, also. He didn't leave for another week after I left. He brought me in, had this three-day conversation. He was supposed to leave, and then he stayed for another week before he left with all of the friends that I was also meant to see, but he had lied to me about the dates, too.

But I do believe that he was bottling up so many emotions that he was taking it out on me physically. I believe there was a moment where he knew that he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore, and instead of just ending it, he tried to push me away any way he knew would hurt me. And he knew all of the ways that would hurt me the most. And he knew he was hurting me. There was no way that he didn't know, because of the safeword that he made, and he just didn't care. He was hurting me, and he didn't care, and even looked like he was enjoying it sometimes.

And I can look back now and I can see all these instances that were really major red flags. There was this one time that he pinned me down and asked me to try my absolute hardest to get him off of me. And I couldn't do it, obviously, and he said something to make the point that he was so much stronger than me that I wouldn't be able to fight him back. Fight back against what? What do you mean? You don't say shit like that to people. That's insane. And I was also sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend, and he knew that.

He had stopped giving anything to the relationship, and he said that why was because he was just waiting for things to change on their own. He said he also didn't have the time or energy anyway to do the things that I was asking for, but then would constantly make any bit of time and energy for anybody and anything but me. And he would say he wanted more quality time, so then I would try to arrange things for us to do online because we were long distance, but then he would complain that he doesn't want to spend all of his time on the computer anymore. And then we'd be there in person and all he wants to do is stay inside, play games on his computer, watch movies. He doesn't want to go out.

And I'm not saying any of this next part to be mean. He lived in filth like I have never seen. And I've seen filth. This was the worst. He would spill things on the floor and never, literally never clean them up. He got an ant infestation once, and wasn't going to do anything about it because he said he said "Bugs are normal in British houses," so I had to buy ant killer. And he wouldn't clean his bathroom for months and months and months, but would constantly complain about how bad it smelled, and I would tell him, "That's mold. It's mold." He complained about being tired all the time, too, which I don't know if that was a lie or not, but mold will do that too. But he would insist that it wasn't, somehow, without having cleaned in months, but it's not mold.

When I met him, he was washing his clothes without detergent. Just he wasn't using that at all, and I don't know for how long before I met him. He was just running it with water and then hanging it on his filthy kitchen cabinets. And I felt bad. I felt bad because I felt like he needed someone to help him learn how to be cleaner. I thought he just didn't know how. And I listened to all of the struggles of his upbringing, and I was like, he just doesn't know how. Someone just needs to show him. And then I found out that he said he doesn't clean at all when I'm not there, because he just waits for me to get there to do it. And I only found out about that after we broke up, because he said it behind my back.

I was doing all of the cleaning and laundry for him. Also, I had a separate bathroom. I want to make that clear I wasn't using that bathroom. I had a separate bathroom that I cleaned for myself. I had cleaning supplies. I don't think he even actually knew I had cleaning supplies in there. But I had my own bathroom.

All the cleaning, all the laundry, all of it. I was paying for all of the, like, paper towels, soap. All of that only stayed in the house so long as I was buying it. I would arrive and there would just not be toilet paper in the whole house. There were paper towels instead. And who knows for how long, too. I was paying for food more than half the time, because he would often push me into ordering food for us, even if I had paid for the last meal or the meal before that. And I'm of the opinion now that I shouldn't have been paying for any food. None at all, But I wanted to, at least, I thought I was being equal by at least doing, like, a back and forth. But I ended up paying for food more often than just going back and forth anyway. And he would do this to his friends all the time, too.

But I was also paying for every plane ticket and the catsitter, which cost roughly the amount of a plane ticket to England. And he never offered to help me pay after the couple of times he did come here to visit me, because he paid for the flights that we would both take. But that only happened twice at the very beginning. I have actually had a friend tell me that this is financial abuse, but I don't know enough about that to say for myself. But I was telling him that I couldn't afford it all by myself all the time, because I was losing money. I was never able to work properly there, and he wasn't traveling at all to see me anymore, even though he said he would. That was, like, the basis of our entire relationship starting off. So then he agreed to pay for the catsitter so that it would be basically paying half the cost of my travels. And he did that once. (pause) And then never did it again despite many more months of dating. And I was traveling often. I had to, because he was worried that we weren't spending enough quality time together. And then all of the time that he would have ever extra, he would choose - choose - to not spend it on me, because there was an available choice and he chose not to spend it with me often.

And I did everything short of just up and move there, which I was willing to do the whole time, and I told him that I was willing to do it and he knew, but he insisted that I don't. He insisted not to. He was planning to move here. That was supposed to happen first. And then at the end of the relationship, he said maybe things would have been different if I lived there. If I lived there, like I had said I would the whole time, and he insisted I don't. Maybe that could have saved the relationship.

And I say all of this because I believe that people like this are genuinely dangerous. I believe he is dangerous. He was willing to lie. He was willing to do harm to someone he claimed to love more than anyone he has ever loved. His actions escalated, and I don't think that I'll be the last person that he hurts. And I felt like sharing my story was really important to warn people. I want people to see the signs that I refused to. I want you to listen to your body and get out as soon as possible. Tell your friends the truth and let them help you.

I really thought I couldn't - because I had been sexually assaulted in a previous relationship. I just thought I was so much smarter. And I was like, if someone ever laid their hands on me, I'd leave immediately. It would never happen a second time. But you just, it just kind of happened so slowly over time, and got worse and worse and worse until the point where there's no way to deny the fact that he was hurting me and he knew and didn't care. That's just the kind of thing that I keep repeating to myself when I'm like, "But was it bad enough? It wasn't violent enough." But I was being hurt multiple times every single day, days and days and days and days for a month at a time in a row.

And I'm not even speaking on most - because I did touch on other things, but I am not even speaking on most of the other things that, in my opinion, I do think that there are some things that are across a line that make you a bad person. I don't think that most people can be defined in a black-and-white "you're good or you're bad," but I do believe that there's a line that you can cross, and only bad people will do the things on the other side of that line, you know what I mean?

And the number of - (voice breaks, covers her mouth) I only cry now when I'm talking about my friends! Who also dealt with such shitty things from shitty people! But I'm also so, so grateful for all of my friends who were with me through this whole thing, and my friends who also were experiencing similar sorts of situations, at the same time, and we kind of went through it together. So I think they are the strongest people in the whole world, and they made me feel like the strongest people in the whole world today. Did I call myself people? I meant person. I feel like the strongest people - (laughs) I did it again. I feel like the strongest person. They made me feel so brave. I felt impenetrable today.

But I am going to go now because my friends are coming over and we're immediately going to go become distracted by watching Love is Blind. I already watched all of it already, and I don't care. So thank you for listening. Thank you everyone who gifted subs. I am going to be taking the rest of the week off from streaming. I have a video going out on Saturday, and I'll be back next week, and you won't hear about any of this again for a while, probably, but thank you all.

I don't really even know what to do now. I think I'm just going to end. Go spread love all over the place on Twitch right now, and I'll see you.

#shubble #shubble vods #wilbur situation #abuse tw #abuse cw #Youtube

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karuuhnia · 2 months

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I've been a Pokémon fan since the very beginning and recently a friend asked me who my favourite character was. I couldn't answer with just one character. So instead I gave her my top 3 favourites from each generation - and then turned it into this. lol

A little bit more info under the cut if you're interested.

_______

Please do not alter, repost/reupload or redistribute my artwork anywhere! (Reblogging is perfectly fine, of course.)

Gen 1:

Blue: The original rival, you loved to hate him. :D

Erika: I loved her design as a kid, even though I had no idea what a kimono was back then lol

Bill: No idea tbh lol. I like his hair and that he's a nerd, I guess? Honestly, Gen 1 did not have that many memorable and fleshed out characters, so I kinda struggled here.

Gen 2:

Lance: Honestly, he was my fave in Gen 1 already. I love his strength, his design, his virtuousness, his bravery, his code of honour, his everything. To me he's like a knight in shiny armour from old fairytales. lol I could spend a whole day describing all the things I love about him, but I don't wanna bore you.

Eusine: Probably a weird pick for many because he is kinda obnoxious in the game lol I've always had a soft spot for him though and I really wanted him to get Suicune in the end, after he'd changed.

Morty: I love his design and colours and that he's Eusine's bff and voice of reason.

Gen 3:

Steven: He is classy, wears a really awesome suit, has very cool Pokémon and is still a huge nerd. I love it!

Archie: (I see you, @chipsncookies) Big hunk with a big smile and a cool outfit. Beard. Not a bad guy, actually. Learns that he was wrong and does everything to make things right again. Frienemies with Maxie.

Maxie: Scrawny beanpole with a silly (but very cozy looking) outfit. Secretly a dork. Not a bad guy either. Learns from his mistakes and wants to make them right again. Frienemies with Archie.

Gen 4:

Riley: I was a huge fan of Sir Aaron in the movie and Riley is just as awesome. I love his hat too. His personality is also similar to Lance's, so that's a huge plus.

Cynthia: I really, really like her. She is so cool and strong and her theme is amazing. Just like Charizard she's become too popular and that gets a bit tiresome sometimes.

Looker: Okay, I admit, it took me a while to get used to Looker. But now I like his quirky, funny Inspector Gadget shenanigans. What changed my mind was the aftergame of XY. ;__;

Gen 5:

Ingo & Emmet: I couldn't do it. I couldn't choose who of them I like more. So they share the first place.They're a duo anyway. And absolutely inseparable. R-Right?

Elesa: I like her mainly because of the fanon that she's bffs with the subway twins. But she's also not the bitchy supermodel that I first thought she was. She's actually kind and supportive.

Alder: Funny grandpa with awful hair, but a big heart and a great theme song.

Gen 6:

Lysandre: His design always gave me Ganondorf-vibes. That's pretty much it. His goal is stupid.

Emma: Her storyline in the post-game was by far the best thing in XY. And her theme is so beautiful!

Sycamore: I still wish he had actually turned out to be evil. I still like him.

Gen 7:

Kukui: What is not to love about him? He's a hunk, he loves his wife, he takes in Lillie, he punches Pokémon with his bare hands.

Lillie: Sweet little girl who deserves all the love from her friends and her adoptive parents instead of all the shit her psycho bio mother put her through.

Burnet: She's sweet and smart and kind and I wish she had a much bigger role in the game. Her anime part was great though <3

Gen 8:

Piers, Sonia and Raihan: Honestly... These are pretty much the only characters that I remember lol Gen 8 was very underwhelming for me.

Gen 9:

Arven: Just a poor neglected boy who wants to save his sick dog. In contrast to his shitty parents he's got a big heart, is caring, nurturing and supportive.

Clavell: The twist about this character was that there was no twist. He is just a very kind grandpa who genuinely cares for the well-being of his students. I also LOVE his battle theme.

Hassel: This game really is full of wholesome boomers. Hassel's got a huge heart for art and his students and Pokémon. He's also not afraid of showing his emotions.

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thyme-in-a-bubble · 11 months

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It’s beneficial for others, but usually ends up hurting you

A/N: this was an old blurb originally posted back in the summer of 2022. kinda forgot I never reuploaded it... I remember writing this in a frenzy after being in a fight an ex friend. or well, idk if you would call it a fight when it was just them shamelessly and blindly not comprehending why their words and opinions hurt me........ ANYWAYS! good thing that person isn't a part of my life anymore. that relationship really was a great reminder of the important lesson that not everyone deserves your kindness or to be your friend.

warnings: Spencer Reid x reader, hurt/comfort, hyper empathy, meltdown, the aftermath of dealing with some stupid people

∼ gentle reminder that feedback, but especially reblogs are the way you support writers on here ∽

masterlist | join my taglist

“Hey,” you heard, causing you to peek open your eyes and see Spencer hovering over you.

Letting out a small hum in response, you attempted to offer him a small smile. Kneeling down next to your vertical position on the couch, he gently rested his chin on your arm.

“How long have you been laying here?”

“I don’t know,” you whispered, staring firmly at the corner of the ceiling.

You felt one of his fingers hook around your cold ones, “did something happen?”

“No,” you automatically replied, then tried again, “or well, maybe? I don’t know… I’m fine, really, it was nothing.”

“I think your body disagrees with you there… you’re shaking.”

“Yeah, I know, and my pulse is all funky and my circulation is weird,” lifting up your left hand to check, “see, it looks like I have blue nail polish on. I’m okay, my head is fine, my body’s just not on the same page about how I should react, that’s all, I’m just waiting it out.”

“Are you sure that your body is the one that’s not reacting logically?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

“It was nothing, just had a conversation with someone who has polar opposite views on some things, and they sometimes hurt me… not intentionally, of course, and I don’t try to make them change their mind, we’re all different and that’s beautiful, but I just tried to make them understand that what they said hurt me and they just couldn’t see it. And I think because I understand them, and where they were coming from, I don’t feel like I can be mad at them. They’re my friend, just because they have opinions that hurt me doesn’t mean I can make them out to be the bad guy.”

“So, you make yourself the bad guy just to what, potentially save a friendship? Avoid conflict?”

Squeezing your eyes shut, you sighed, “urgh, hyper empathy sucks. I wish I could just be mad and that’s it, but no, I have to understand, empathise, and then I feel bad for them and feel like I can’t just be angry with them. It complicates everything,” zoning out for a moment, you revealed, “you know, a lot of bad things have happened to me in my life, a lot of bad people have hurt me, but my first instinct is never to be angry, it takes me years to just be plain mad at them. I have to fight tooth and nail to discard the compassion and simply be angry.”

“Being hyper empathetic is like a superpower. It’s beneficial for others, but usually ends up hurting you yourself instead,” he grabbed a hold of your hand, trying his best to transfer you some of his warmth, “and you just take it because that’s what you’re used to.”

Peeking over at him, you took a deep breath and let his words sink in.

#lea’s writing #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid hurt/comfort #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid angst

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dilfhos · 7 months

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BEST PAL.

SHIGARAKI TOMURA x READER

CC: dubc0n, virginity loss, cucking, unprotected s*x, inexperienced sex, pwp

+scummy bf makes you help out his friend >.< [old drabble repost! ]

Dabi being such a good sport to help out his virgin friend, Shigaraki. What a pal offering up his girlfriend to take the guy’s precious innocence.

“C’mon don’t be like that. I thought Shigaraki was cool people!”

“Dabi you don’t even like him,” You protested.

“Not true babe.” He lied. In all honesty, he couldn’t care less if the ashy bastard got his dick wet in his lifetime or not.

But watching how inexperienced Shigaraki was when he tried to stick his tongue down your throat made him hard like none other. Especially when you were trying to be a good sport and take it. It was cute when you’d try to whimper for him to take it easy amidst Shigraki’s frantic yanking of your pesky clothing but Dabi knew his friend; He didn’t do ‘easy’.

Dabi watched quietly from the corner, making sure not to interrupt him as he had his way with you, only speaking up when Shigarki would begrudgingly ask if this or that was right.

“Yeah, grip her tits. She likes that,” Per demand, he does so, crimson eyes sparking up when you arch your back under his touches. Apparently you liked it when he teethed on your nipples a bit too—you were pulling his hair, muffling your squeal in the back of your hand.

“Be sure to tap her clit too, feel how tight she gets?”

Shigaraki would nod excitedly as he felt your walls clench around his dick. Wow, chicks really did dig it when you roughed ‘em up a little too. His grip on your neck had your eyes rolling as you bit back the urge the scream. Despite his inexperience, Shigraki could recognize pleasure from a mile away, thankful for the plethora of women in his desktop. His skinny, newly fucked dick was actually doing something to you.

And Dabi, man as irritating as he was to him all the time, he wasn’t all bad, Shigaraki deduced.

After all he was actually letting him fuck his girlfriend.

You didn’t really know what to feel really. Not with Dabi’s really weird friend humping your pussy like that. Not as he stared you in the eyes like a man crazed as he canted his bony hips against yours, every now and then hitting that delicious spot inside but mostly missing it. But the wild look in his eyes as he desperately rutted you like a dog, his other hands moving carelessly to grope your body made you bothered and wanted. It was cute in a way.

However in the span of six minutes, his face distorted and his hips stuttered. He didn’t even really get into it before his breath was hitching up and his body felt a surge of heat radiating through his veins from the start of his heavy balls.

“Fuck! Cumming! I’m-shit!” His movements spasmed to a halt. And you whimpered as you tried to writhe from under him but he held you in place. For someone as scrawny and paper-thin as he seemed, Shigaraki’s grip was steel. He wanted to move, really he did but the way your gummy walls were constricting him like a fucking vice, he just couldn’t help it. You couldn’t blame him, it’s his first time after all.

Your lips parted as your brows furrowed, staring him straight into his half-lidded eyes as you felt his essence jet into your unprotected little cunt, filling you up with a seemingly never-ending load. He leaned down, sweaty forehead pressed against yours, mouth parted to fan his warm breath across your face.

And as if that wasn’t bad enough, you looked over for reprieve but instead found your boyfriend looking every bit as excited as you felt disgusted.

Dabi had a sickening smile on his face as he drunk in the contempt in your eyes, hand lazily pumping his leaking cock. “I gotta teach you how to eat a woman out man.”

DILFOS. DO NOT PLAGIARIZE OR REUPLOAD MY CONTENT—CURRENT OR ARCHIVAL.

#shigaraki tomura #shigaraki tomura x reader #tomura shigaraki #my hero acedamia #dabi x reader #mha x reader #boku no hero acedamia #shigaraki tomura x you #bnha #bnha shigaraki #mha #bnha x reader #tomura shigaraki x reader #its so lateeee its 12am #but i wanna start filling in my masterlist so you’ll be seeing hella reblogs tm🫡#I’ll probably come back and add like 50 more tags shdhdjdjdh #reblog for him and dabi to come through ur dreams tn hehe #[ output—☆ ]#tw dubcon

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ququb444hm · 5 months

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𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭, 𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝

part 30 / sassy man apocalypse ☆

masterlist

warning(s): *REUPLOAD* bc i didnt like the first one n i am in love with angst/comfort, possible typos, profanity, kys joke

rain pitter-pattered against the glass windows of mr. ramirez’s classroom as soft jazz filled the empty conversations of college students writing out their history essays due at the end of the week.

“aw man. what the hell.” rin groaned as he accidentally wrote down the wrong citation on his worksheet. “mori, do you have white-out? i keep fucking messing up and i’m so close to throwing the whole paper away.”

rummaging through his green pencil pouch, the sandy blond shook his head with a frown. “think i might’ve forgotten it in my dorm, sorry. nn* might have some though,” he stood up from his chair, walking over to yn’s table which was as quiet as ever.

(nn = nickname)

keiji had just left to go use the bathroom a few minutes ago, the seat in front of his being vacant also because that student barely came to class, today was no different. the girl who was assigned to sit in front of yn was fast asleep and the other kid who was supposed to be in front of kozume had moved to talk to their friend across the room. this left yn and kozume alone together. awkward.

but yn didn’t seem to care... or to notice.

actually, she didn’t even seem mentally present.

mr. ramirez was still getting used to being in a physical classroom after persistently having asynchronous classes for almost two years because he simply “didn’t wanna get out of bed.”— he often supported his statement by falling asleep after his short lectures and with the current weather, it was easy to do so.

so whenever yn had history class, it was basically a free period. which was very much needed after the conversation she had the previous day with shoyou. just what did he mean when he said kozume was scared of letting himself be happy? so focused on the question at hand that everything around her all mushed together into an unimportant blur. the pen in her dominant hand moved on autopilot, creating messy scribbles all over her notebook– seemingly illustrating her disordered mind.

“yn, do you have any white-out? cause oh! uh-” mori peeked over her shoulder, seeing the black ink pour out of the pen and dance like there was no tomorrow all over the lined paper. “uhm.. yn?”

noticing her unresponsive behavior, kozume placed a gentle hand over hers, squeezing it ever so slightly. “hey,” his soft touch mixed with the familiar comforting sound of his voice lulled yn’s tangled thoughts, bringing her back to the present moment. “are you okay? mori was trying to talk to you but you weren’t responding.”

“hm? oh.” collecting herself, yn turned to face her friend with a smile. “sorry, mori.”

the libero raised a brow at the interaction, his eyes lingering on the physical contact of their hands that still continued even with yn snapped out of her daze. “uh yeah, all good, nn. rin just needed some white-out 'cause i forgot mine. so i’ll be taking this-” he situated himself in between yn and kozume’s chairs, purposely hovering the top half of his body over their joined hands (with his ass poking out because of the weird position) to emphasize his nonverbal disapproval at the blond, before dramatically grabbing the white-out and dragging it to the edge of the desk, successfully (and awkwardly) separating their hands in the process. “pleasure doing business with you.” he chirped, giving kozume a dirty look before trudging back to his own table.

“sorry.” kozume mumbled, turning his attention back to his work. he internally groaned, scolding himself for what he did. ‘couldn’t you just tap her shoulder? but noooo you just can’t keep your hands off her. stupid.’

“it’s okay.” yn reassured. “actually, kozume i-” the sound of the chair next to her sliding against the vinyl flooring made her stop her sentence– keiji was back. “nevermind."

as time drew on, it was finally the end of morning classes, and yet it was still pouring outside. even heavier than when class started.

“be careful out there!” mr. ramirez warned, watching as students bustled out of his class and into the rain. “make sure to turn your essays in by friday, midnight! each minute after the deadline is my increasing disappointment in all of you!”

“you sure you’re okay going with him?” mori asked for the fifth time as yn packed her bag. kozume blankly stared at mori, wanting to get out of the class as soon as possible because he could feel keiji staring at them, eavesdropping on the conversation. he internally begged keiji wouldn’t try to confront him about walking with yn.

but, in all honestly…he was a little happy that yn had asked. even if it was because of tetsu. he missed her. every single fiber in his body yearned to be with her. hate coursed his body ever since that night. but only for himself. he wouldn’t, couldn’t, never blame anyone else, even keiji, for his actions because he knew that in the end, he was the one that told yn all those cruel words. so when yn asked if he could accompany her to pick up tetsu, he was grateful that they were able to have some time alone. just the two of them.

yn sent her friend a comforting smile. “i’ll be okay, don’t worry about me. just let coach know we’re gonna be a little late m’kay?” mori sighed, knowing he couldn’t change her mind even if he physically dragged yn away from kozume– they’d just find their way back to each other one way or another.

“see you.” rin murmured, ruffling yn’s hair before walking out with mori.

“which building is tetsu in?” kozume asked, getting his umbrella ready.

yn fixed the straps of her bag, waving at mr. rameriz as she and kozume exited the class before answering, “pretty sure it's on the second floor of T building.”

“ohh.”

“is that okay?”

“yeah. that’s okay.”

the walk to T building was quiet and a bit tense. yn fidgeted with her hands, shoyou’s words still circulating through her mind. she wanted answers from kozume. she wanted him to tell her why things were the way they were between them. but she didn’t want to force it out of him. she wanted kozume to come to her first. her eyes focused on the path in front, letting the sound of the rain calm her down.

kozume on the other hand, he couldn’t stop staring at her. he never could in the first place. yn was just so spellbinding, and the rain wasn’t helping in the slightest. he had so much to say, but he could never find the right words when it came to her. he stopped in his tracks, holding onto the umbrella tightly. his free hand pulled at the hem of yn’s jacket so they were facing each other. “yn, i’m sorry.” his voice was soft. it was almost hard to hear over the harsh rain.

the sudden gesture caught yn off guard. “wha..?” kozume’s apology, though expected because of how much they both knew his words affected yn, came out of nowhere. “kozume-”

“i know i haven’t been honest with you, but i..” he pursed his lips, mind going blank as he stared into yn’s inquisitive eyes. “i don’t know what to do.” his voice sounding desperate. sounding lost.

“kozume,” every time she said his name, it felt like a stab to the heart. he missed how her voice was laced with so much love when she’d call him kozu or koz, but now his name seemed foreign as it rolled off her tongue. she placed a comforting hand on his, returning the gentle squeeze he gave her previously. “you’re my friend before anything that happens. i don’t know what’s happening with you, and it physically hurts to have you push me away, but i’ll always want to be someone you can talk to.” her thumb rubbed the back of his hand, soothing all his anxious assumptions of how the conversation would’ve turned out.

her touch was so soft and warm, a heavenly contrast to the heavy rainfall. kozume’s features relaxed, his head falling forward to rest on yn’s shoulder. her other hand reached to caress his head. “i don’t want to keep hurting you.” he mumbled.

“i don’t want to keep getting hurt either, kozume.”

“i know, i’m sorry yn. please be a little more patient with me. i didn’t mean anything i said that night, i was just overwhelmed and i regret taking it out on you.”

yn continued running her fingers through his blond hair. she slowly nodded, letting his words sink in. “i don’t forgive you for what you said, and how you constantly kept confusing me before that night, but i’m not mad at you, kozume.” her hold on his hand tightened in just the slightest. “it hurt when you made me feel you liked me back and kissed me only to call everything a mistake, and it hurt when you told me you weren’t being honest with me just now. you hurt me kozume, but still, i don’t want to lose you.”

the two stayed in their positions for a few more minutes. allowing themselves to bask in each other’s comfort. yn was the only good thing in kozume’s life, he knew that. and for a moment he let himself forget just how much he needed her. but he wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

he knew he had to talk to keiji.

“what took you guys so long?!” tetsu fussed. after what was about 15 minutes since the bell, the two had finally made it to tetsurou’s class. “and why is my sister wet, kozu!? i thought you had an umbrella??” he quickly removed his own jacket, placing it on top of yn’s smaller figure.

“it’s raining hard as fuck out there.” kozume groaned, also damp from the rain

“why do you guys still have practice anyway.” yn shivered, wrapping herself in the added fabric. “i know your game is coming up but what if some of you get sick?”

“no pain, no gain!” tetsu insisted, grabbing kozume’s umbrella from him and pushing the two out of the class. “now we gotta hurry..coach called me like three times telling me to get my ass to the gym!”

yn checked her phone to see if she had gotten a call also,

2 missed calls from milo’s dad 🫶🏼 1 missed call from SUNAVABITCH 🤣🤣 3 missed calls from alcoholic (coach) ⭐️

“well, fuck.”

part 29 secret little personal diary <- | masterlist | -> part 31 old man

note(s): me when i lie n say i'll finish this before thanksgiving break but i didn't >p< (IM SORRY.) anyways.. am i or am i not dragging their argument too long like.. let's wrap it up kenma! also i don't like the ending..but i wanted to post SOMETHING so i might change it later. next part is also written.. but AFTER that r a few text msgs :3

✩⡱ taglist !! + @writing-for-the-hell-of-it @sherryuki-callmeyuki @anny-bah @ast4rg1rl @sukunasrealgf @dani-shitting-around @whokillednyx @vernon-dursley @limaswife @sugawara-levi @sixxze @ryoiii @literally-a-ferret @444sunarin @llearlert @lloyd4x @usermins @2baddies-1porsche @vernon-dursley @lyzisbitchingagain @h3xi2g0n3 @l0v3do11 lmk if u want to be added (msg or inbox)ヾ(･ω･`；)ﾉ

#🐈.thanksalotcupid #kozume kenma #kenma kozume #kozume kenma x reader #kozume kenma x fem!reader #kenma kozume x reader #kenma kozume x fem!reader #kenma x reader #kozume x reader #smau #kenma smau #haikyuu #haikyuu smau #haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! smau

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sunenjoyswriting · 4 months

Text

A very twisted Christmas.

Writers note: “I’m not gonna reupload my AO3 fics here”, I say, before reuploading an AO3 fic here. Anyways more Yuune yippee!! This is one of my longer fics (it’s not even 1k words…)

Possible warnings: Angst for two lines. I think that’s it…?

It was Yuune's first Christmas. He didn't have high expectations for it, nor were his expectations low... They didn't have any expectations. They didn't know what's it be like, [[PLAYER]] never once has mentioned it and the rest of the main cast hasn't either.

But it was definitely a unique experience.

Just like the usual routine, the first thing [[PLAYER]] did after waking up was turn on their phone and open up Twisted Wonderland. They had gotten used to the weird occurrences that happened (which were just Yuune changing the code for fun and giving [[PLAYER]] messages), but was pleasantly surprised at the immediate change that definitely hasn't intended by Disney...

A, slightly glitchy, textbox was the first thing to pop up on screen. It simply said;

"Happy holidays from Yuune~ I wonder what presents ill get! Hm... If you get a new phone, I think this game should be the first thing you get on it!!"

Then the usual thingy happened, and [[PLAYER]] took no note of the text box. They had gotten greeted by this "Yuune" quite the few times by now. They were usually on holidays, examples include:

"Happy halloween, I'm dressing up as one of the ghosts in ramshackle~! Trick or treat~ Gimme candy! Now!!" On halloween ([[PLAYER]] put a piece of candy next to their phone later that day after trick or treating to "give" it to Yuune), and "Happy birthday, [[PLAYER]]!! I wonder if the day you installed twisted wonderland is my birthday or if we share one..." On their birthday ([[PLAYER]] made note of the question Yuune had asked, sometimes wondering that themselves...)

This greeting wasn't particularly special in any way (except for the lack of a specific holiday, but that really didn't make a big difference), so [[PLAYER]] just ignored it.

So, [[PLAYER]] just did their usual grinding (with, surprisingly, no interruption from Yuune.), and left the game a little quicker then usual, to go and celebrate Christmas!

With Yuune... Well, I have genuinely no idea how they celebrate Christmas in Twisted Wonderland. So unfortunately, you just have to assume it went like in the game (with more added mischief from Yuune!)

Presents Yuune got include:

A tablet from Idia (oh god Yuune is gonna turn into an iPad kid/j), A crocheted bat from Lilia (I believe Lilia crochets and I will stand by this), A full size gargoyle from Malleus (that was a pain to get into Ramshackle...), and more that I don't feel like adding because its not important.

Honestly, after the whole celebration was over... Most of the rest of the day was spent in ignihyde, just like most days for him... It wasnt too bad, though! The tablet was pretty nice to play with, and since it was so high tech... It could do practically anything!! It was a pretty nice day for Yuune.

Only at the end of the day when Yuune was about to (attempt to) sleep, did [[PLAYER]] return to Twisted Wonderland.

And the first thing Yuune noticed was that their room definitely had... More items! A lot more items...!!

Most notably, A new phone. With the TWST transfer data screen on it... Looks like Yuune managed to predict what one of their gifts would be.

"I wonder if the glitches will be transferred to my new phone..." [[PLAYER]] muttered to themselves, quickly pulling up the screen with the TWST transfer stuff on their old phone.

Yuune's mood made a complete switch at that comment... Will he also be transferred, or... Will he be stuck without [[PLAYER]]...?

Well, only one way to find out!

[[PLAYER]] quickly transferred the data to their new phone, reloading the game to quickly start up playing Twisted Wonderland again.

And, it seems the "glitches" also got transferred, because the first thing to pop up was a glitchy textbox.

"Woah... The screen is so much bigger! I can see you in higher quality, as well!!" Was what text the textbox had, clearly from Yuune.

~The End~

and a very twisted holidays to you~

#tell me if you can notice the one change I made!!#writing blog #TWST #twisted wonderland #TWST reverse self-aware AU #reverse self aware au

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gremlintheslut · 1 year

Text

The shields little girl

Chapter 2 the big talk

The shield x fem!afab!reader

Don't reupload, translate or do anything like that without permission from me

Master list

Warnings: I mainly write smut and don't know what I'm doing.

I wake up to the sound of voices. I decide not to open my eyes and listen to what they're saying. "so basically she uses the whole ddlg thing as a coping mechanism?" I hear Seth ask. "yeah, it's a lot more common than you think. If someone doesn't grow up with the best childhood they might end up using ddlg as a way to cope later on and some therapist recommend buying toys or things a child would enjoy as a way to help heal their inner child." Roman replies. "does she have toys?" Dean chimes in with his question. "yeah, mostly teddy bears, coloring books and she has a few bath toys as well" Roman informs the 2 other men.

I feel my heart flutter as Roman continues to explain what ddlg is and tell the boys what I do as a little. I can't help but smile when he starts to name and describe a few of my favorite teddies. "there's a purple owl that doubles as a heat pack for when she is on her period. Just put it in the microwave for 30-40 seconds" I want to open my eyes but I know I'll get embarrassed by the conversation to follow. Roman keeps talking. "she has never regressed younger than three years old but she is usually 4 or 5 never older than 7." he says before pausing knowing the boys will have questions. "how do you know if she's regressing?" Dean asks. "well she baby talks when she's little but mumbles when she's a bit older. She won't look you in the eyes that much and if you can't tell you can just ask she's never failed to answer me before." Roman answers.

I tune out of their conversation debating whether or not to open my eyes or keep them closed and go back to sleep. I decide to open it and sit up slowly stretching. "sorry did we wake you up?" Seth asks and I shake my head. "no" I say shortly. "I was just telling the boy about ddlg," Roman tells me not knowing I heard the last half of what he said. "do I have to be here for the conversation? because I want to take a shower" I ask. "go right ahead" Roman says and I get up and walk to the bathroom. I always leave a towel in there so I don't have to find one or call the front desk.

I take a 15-minute shower and wrap a towel around my waist realizing I didn't have clothes with me in the bathroom. I walk out of the room and grab my clothes. They were still talking about little space. I walk back into the bathroom but the way they were looking at me didn't go unnoticed. I finish drying off and put my clothes on. I know when I go out there I'll end up joining the conversation or they will start talking to me about the bond thing.

I stay standing there for a little while not wanting to be in 2 embarrassing conversations. I decide to get it over with and walk out into the main room. They're all quiet when I come out so I know there is only one conversation ahead of me. "we need to talk to you about 2 things" Roman says, maybe not. I nod and sit down on my bed. "first we want to ask if you trust us enough to be your caretakers" he asks. I honestly thought Seth and Dean wouldn't like it but I was wrong I guess. "yeah, I'd love that," I say quickly hoping I didn't say yes too fast. I see the smiles on Seth and Dean's faces and the embarrassment I knew I was going to feel soon for the next part of the conversation doesn't arrive.

They love me. They really do.

"lastly we want to know what this is," he says and I'm stumped. "I don't know," I say after thinking for a second. Whatever this is it just started and it would be weird to just jump to dating right? "okay, so we're all bonded to each other and it feels a bit weird because we have been friends for ages." he says shortly and everyone else nods. After a very long and boring talk, we decided that we would be a normal mate pack. Which is just when a small pack of alpha is bonded to each other and they find the omega their bonded to.

We would go on dates and do normal shit but we could decide on announcing it later. If we ever want to announce it.

Words-816

Sorry if it's short I'm tired and I didn't know how to end it. Love ya💋💕💞-gremlin

#wwe raw #wwe smackdown #wwe summerslam #the shield wwe smut #the shield x reader smut #the shield x reader smut wwe #the shield #seth rollins #Seth rollins x reader #roman reigns #roman reigns comfort #roman reigns smut #Roman reigns x reader #dean ambrose #Dean ambrose x reader #jon moxley

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nonsensical-pixels · 1 year

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THE LINDASIMS2 RESEARCH AND EXPERIMENTATION: PART FOUR

I thought that Pol 19 was the end of my research train, but nope, we're still going! The railway seems never-ending!

DISCLAIMER: This is not really a callout post. This is a warning to anyone who intends to download Lindasim's stuff. And a genuine one. I have nothing personal against Linda, this is only what I've found from my own deep dive into Linda's files. I have no proof that what I've found is stuff that Linda herself did, but the stuff does exist. And it's terrible.

You can find the shirt file I use for my 'research' post here. It's part of the reuploaded March 2021 set and from what I can see that entire set is a giant mess.

I discovered this weird glitchy CC from this video by @marticoresims so credit goes to them and their viewers for discovering the glitchiness of it, because I honestly don't think I'd ever have opened up this file otherwise.

WHY IS THIS SHIRT SO UNIQUE?

I mean, it's pretty normal-looking, right? Cute, even. But it harbors a dark secret, more than just PT 19, who we met in my last research post.

But there's a reason this image also exists. To haunt my nightmares instead of my waking moments.

So, let's dive into this mess of a mesh file!

OPENING THE FILE

As always, I opened the mesh file first. And I think it's pretty obvious that this is no ordinary mesh file, because there's wayyy more than the 4 basic elements.

Yep, as you may be able to tell from the OBJD, Age Data, and XTOL, Pollination Technician 19 has returned to haunt my every waking moment!

FLUFFY

The real issue came to light when I checked the GMDCs.

Do you recognise him? Because I sure do! It's my bestie, Fluffy! (You may want to watch Marticore's video to understand because he lives in my head rent-free. Lol.)

Yep, for some reason, this mesh file includes a sneaky little replacement of the adult dog body mesh. However, it's very... borked?

Look how stretchy he is... he's still a good boy though...

I mean, I'm no dog expert, but I've owned dogs ever since I was a baby and have seen plenty of 'em. But I don't think Fluffy over here should exist anywhere except my nightmares.

SUMMARY

Okay, so this shirt file contains a pretty scary replacement for the adult large dog body in TS2. Why should that stop me from downloading it? - some idiot in my ask box, probably, because I don't want to answer a million asks :]

Well, uh, did you miss that part about a hidden sim being in the file? We have not only a hidden broken pollination technician, now we also have gigantoborkodoggo!

So, yeah, I remember a lot of people getting excited and trying to track this shirt CC down when Marticore made her video. So I thought I'd spread the warning that even gigantoborkodoggo isn't a good reason to get Linda's leaked CC.

Because it's not just the mesh file here, but also all 40 recolors of the 'Mandarin' shirt, that are completely filled with hidden NPCs. The recolors don't have the dog replacement, though, because even the person who purposefully destroyed these files knows multiple DRs for one thing are very bad. How kind of them to think of our games 💖

If anyone knows where this giant dog mesh came from, please let me know, because I'd love to make a standalone version for April Fool's someday 👁

#lindasims2 #s2cc #sims 2 cc #ts2 cc #important info #the lindasims research and experimentation #how do u tag these sorts of posts #sims 2 research #sims 2 alert #gigantoborkodoggo is my new best nightmare

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pyeonghongrie · 11 months

Text

Ikaw Lamang.

banner by @rkivian!!!

Summary: As a kid, you always had a connection to the earth, coming from a family of farmers, you grew up respecting and tending to the earth. You loved the earth, little do you know the earth loved you too. Now, as an adult and receiving pressure from your family to marry and have kids, maybe the earth can bless you in the most direct way possible.

(This is part of @/tohokuu’s fantasy collab! Go and check out the other works!)

Tags: @tohokuu, @cultofdionysusnet, @kwanisms, @yoonguurt, @lemonhongjoong, @shinestarhwaa, @stardragongalaxy, @seongwin, @sanjoongie, @flowerboykun, @wooyoungmybelovedhusband, @anyamaris, @dimpledsatan, @ilovetnbhd

Characters/Pairing: Diwata!Jongho x Environmentalist!Reader

Genre: Fluff, smut, the tiniest amount of angst but has a happy ending!

AU/Trope info: Philippine myth AU! The Diwata is an Elf/Fairy figure in Philippine myth that lives in trees and blesses those who tend to the earth and curse those who defile it. They are typically very powerful and beautiful, humanoid in appearance but paler and more conventionally attractive, they are sometimes in committed relationships with humans and have children with them. The equivalent of the Diwata is the Engkanto, however, they are basically the same and can be used interchangeably. Also, readers’ Filipino parents are your typical south-east Asian parents kind of pushy. They’ve known of Jongho’s existence ever since the reader was a kid, Jongho is the reader’s childhood guardian and they know he’s immortal/supernatural.

Word Count: 1.8k (Putangina)

Warnings: The reader is female, parents are kinda misogynistic(but not explicitly??), parents are fucking terrified of Jongho, a Korean named Diwata in a Filipino myth au???, dirty smut against a giant boulder on the forest floor, forest wedding <3, some Tagalog words and swear words here and there, Duende!Wooyoung cameo!

A/N: The title “Ikaw Lamang” means “only you” in Tagalog ^^ I wanted to make this cute n fluffy Jongho fic with Filipino myth elements since I barely see any Jongho content, let alone Pinoy myth fanfics. Also, this is a reupload from @hwasrie, my old blog, I am re-uploading my own work, I did not plagiarize.

“Lintik kang-” You swear as the hot oil splashes on your arms, you are frying fish for dinner, the loud sizzle and the overwhelming smell of fish flood your senses. Your dad gave you a weird look for swearing at the fish. You fish (haha) out the angry dish from the kawale as you set it down on a wooden plate with a banana leaf. You sigh, setting the plate down on the table as you cover it to keep the flies off.

“I’m off to see Jongho, I promised to help him clean up the hiking trail.”

You say as you leave out the back door. The sun was setting already, the gravel beneath you looking like gold as you walked to the forest’s edge. “Jongho?” you say to a tree, a strong gust of wind blows from inside the forest, distant windchimes harmonize in a song.

“You called?”He smiles at you. “Oo, you need help with the hiking trail yeah? I skipped dinner tonight, I was a bit worried about the damage the hikers caused. It always gets worse during this season.” You said, walking towards the mouth of the forest to stand in front of him.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t skip dinner though, after we clean up the trail I’ll send you back home. I’m sure your parents miss me.” He jokes, you laugh along as well, his light laugh, bright smile, and brighter teeth make it almost morning again. Even after all these years he never failed to make your stomach flutter with butterflies.

You near the hiking trail, you look around confused, it looks clean; too clean? “Uh, Jongho, I think they didn’t leave as much as you think they did. It kinda looks like they took more than they left.” You turn around to look at him, his hands in the pockets of his pants. “Okay, I may have cleaned up while you were busy, but I had a reason to.” He takes your hand and leads you further up the trail. A Balete tree comes into the scene, he pushes you into the tree, you see your vision spinning before a nighttime scene of an overgrown wooden hut comes into view.

“Jongho? Why did you take me to your place? What’s going on?” None of your questions are answered as he ushers you to sit near the crystal river with him. As you dip your feet into the cool water, he finally says, “I heard what your parents said earlier.” You froze, Oh, Putangina. How much did he hear? Your shoulders slack. “Oh, you know now?” You asked him quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. ”Yeah, I was about to ask you who, but I know it’s a particularly touchy subject for you.” He sighs, curling his toes under the cool water.

“Jongho, I don’t want any of them, I don’t want to settle for a marriage that makes me miserable. I don’t want to be seen as a submissive wife, or some baby-carrying object.” You bite your lip as you rant your desperation to him. He seemed sympathetic, he was helping you think of a way out of it. “You know, you could just marry me.” He said, with that, your head snapped up towards him, you knew the implication of marrying a Diwata, you knew just how much marriage meant to them, why was he offering it so nonchalantly?

“Jongho, you know what, I don’t mind at all, but you do know what that means, right? I remember you telling me just how bad it could get for you, what if they-” He cut you off by placing a hand on your thigh, squeezing it comfortingly. “I know, I was already on really thin ice when I would casually show up to your place in front of your parents. I don’t think complete exile from the rest of them makes much of a difference now.” He smiles solemnly.

“Maybe I should ask more properly?” He tilts his head, smiling at you, “Will you marry me?” He asks, taking his hand off your thigh and opting to hold your hand instead, bringing it up to his face and kissing the knuckles. Your heart swells, I mean, I did have the biggest crush on him for the longest time. You say to yourself. “Yes.” You say as you nodded. A bright smile spreads across his face. “Let’s go tell your parents about the news then.

You both leave the pocket dimension of the Balete Tree, treading down the hill toward your humble tiny home. Once you two arrive at your house, your parents (fearfully) give their blessing for your marriage, not wanting to upset the Diwata. It was settled then, your wedding would be held on the next full moon, following Diwata customs.

The day of your marriage arrived, Wooyoung, Jongho’s Duende friend, officiated your marriage by the Balete tree. Only the three of you were present at the wedding, due to Diwata customs, only the couple and the officiator are to be present at the ceremony, though Jongho agreed to a human reception just to appease your pushy family members.

As you put on your wedding necklaces, the pendant burns a mark into your skin, as did Jongho’s, officially sealing your marriage to him. Wooyoung clapped as he congratulated you on your marriage, swiftly leaving as Jongho pulled you into the tree. He picked you up easily, laying you down gently on a boulder by the river, the flowing water helps to ease your nerves. This was the final action to seal your marriage, Jongho has to connect with you on a spiritual level by physically connecting your bodies.

He holds your face in his palms, the warmth seeping into your cheeks as he pressed his forehead on yours, “May I kiss you?” He asked, you nodded. He presses a gentle kiss on your lips, your hands hold onto his shoulders as he presses you more into the rock, the cold stone somehow feels comfortable as he holds your hips down. He pulls away as he kisses down the column of your neck, you sigh in content, he was treating you so delicately. His hands ride up your thighs squeezing the flesh as he tugs at the string of your wedding necklace with his teeth, you arch your back into his chest, your hands lacing behind his neck as you pull him closer to you. He takes advantage of your arched back by unzipping your dress, he carefully peels off the cotton as he faces your body, clad in only your underwear. He soon discards his top as he pressed his firm chest against yours, unclasping your bra as he tosses it aside.

“You’re beautiful.” He chants as he presses small pecks across your shoulders, you whimper under his touch, your head pressing against the cold stone. He hooks his finger on the band of your underwear and swiftly pulls it down, he groans, and he noses your pelvis as he takes in your scent. He pulls away, pulling down his bottoms, his hard cock comes into view, your nerves doing nothing to ease your excitement.

He places your legs over his thighs, his thumb running over your folds and pressing lightly on your clit, you clench around nothing as he continues to draw circles on your heat with calloused fingers. His dick is heavy on your thigh, he holds your hips and squeezes the skin, you buck up your hips, the underside of his shaft hits your clit and both of you gasp in surprise. “Ah- be patient, please, I’m nervous…” Jongho confesses, of course, you’d be nervous too if you had to stuff your best friend full of cum until the sun rises.

“Don’t be, I’m ready.” You whisper as if saying something in a loud voice would shatter the careful atmosphere that you and Jongho had created. He nods, the tip of his cock prodding at your hole, you hold onto his broad shoulders as he pushes in, the thick length stretching you out, giving the feeling of a pleasurable burn. He finally pushes in the last inch of his dick, his pelvis flushed against yours as you breathe out a sigh, releasing the breath you didn’t know you were keeping. He wraps his arms around you, his nose buried in the crook of your neck as he breathes in your scent to calm him down, your bodies impossibly close. Both of you stay like that for a while, just breathing and enjoying each other’s warmth, that was until you gave an experimental roll of your hips. You bit your lip as Jongho groans, holding you so tightly to his body that you feel every ridge and muscle he has on his body.

He finally pins you down onto the cold stone, the heavyweight of his body acts as your anchor, he starts to roll his hips in a steady rhythm, you moan into his shoulder as he starts to fuck into you harder, your nails scratching at his shoulder blades as he continues you ravage you. “Ah, fuck- Jongho! Jongho!” Your cries muffle into the skin of his shoulder, tears prick the corners of your eyes as the pleasure overwhelms you, he moans into your ear when you give him a particularly hard squeeze, “Shit baby, keep doing that-” he groans into the air as your moans start to have a higher pitch. He felt so good, so deep inside you, hitting just the right spot to make you see stars. The moment was intense, hot, passionate; he was so gentle yet calculated with how well he led you up the hill to your edge. You were panting, desperately holding onto Jongho as both of you approach the edge, the intensity of your eye contact helping both of you to ease into your climax.

“Jongho, Jongho, Jongho-! I’m gonna cum-” You cry desperately, “Fuck, babe, I’m so close-” He whines, soon after, both of you topple off the edge, your orgasm greets you like warm waters, embracing you tightly to the point that it knocks the air out of your lungs, flooding your senses with nothing but hot, white, pleasure as Jongho covers your insides with white. Your mouth opens in a silent cry, your eyes rolling to the back of your head while you cringe in oversensitivity and exhaustion. Jongho realizes this, so he slowly pulls out and carries you to the crystal clear river, the cold of the water soothes your aching body as he takes his take to clean both of you.

“Thank you, (Y/N).” He says, “No, Jongho, thank you. If you didn’t offer to marry me, then I would’ve been forced to marry some ugly salesman.” He snorts at your answer, “But, even if you didn’t, if I had a choice, I would’ve still chosen you, Ikaw lamang, laging ikaw.”

A/N:YHEW- I suck ASS at writing smut T-T I hope you enjoyed this read, reblogs, replies, and asks are very much appreciated! I said I was going to explain the Tagalog words I used, but since I used so little it’s probably better if you just google it. THANKS FOR READINGGGG <<<333

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69bitterbeingz · 4 months

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IF YOU'RE GONNA BE DUMB || CH. 9

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DISCLAIMER: This is a reupload from my prev account! best to follow the fic through ao3 [linked below] to avoid any future issues PAIRINGS - johnny knoxville, bam margera, steve-o, chris pontius, ryan dunn x female reader WARNINGS - swearing, drinking, injury

ao3 version

The moon floated in the cloudy night sky like a coin in inky black water, stars barely peeking through the haze like drops of milk. Big Ben’s spire pierced through the veil, and when the camera panned down, a man– no, creature , howled in the lonely streets, his hands raised towards the stars.

“This has got to be the dumbest one yet.”

“Dumber than getting thrown around like a football?” Johnny replied, laughing incredulously at your remark; you shook your head.

“No no , that’s a totally different breed of dumb. This is just…” You trailed off, then gestured at Chris, gleefully sprinting down the road in a hoodie and wolf mask. “Look at him.”

“C’mon, don’t be a fuckin’ killjoy.” Steve-O teased, nudging your ribs a little harder than you expected and making you jolt. With a jab back at his ribs, you smiled.

“I can call it stupid and still enjoy it.”

It was hardly even a stunt, simply an excuse to run around like a knob and weird people out, and all of you followed along like giggling kids. Some shots were a bit of a hassle - should’ve known that popping out at people on a late night tube would tempt some wanker to take a swing at Chris, but you all managed to escape just as the carriage doors opened, so no harm no foul. Besides, you bet these guys have been in worse scraps. To be honest, out of all the stunts the lot of you had filmed over your time in England, this was by far your favourite. No cringeworthy accidents, nothing totally disgusting or grim, just running around like headless chickens while Chris howled for all he was worth. It was just lighthearted fun, and a great way to close out your shoot. Even you got involved, although… not knowingly . You were distracted settling a debate with Steve-O [“you can smoke damn near anything, trust me, i have” “yeah but smoking incense like a cigarette can not be good for you”] when his expression suddenly changed from neutral to a shitty smirk. Before you had time to question what the hell he was so smiley about, you were literally swept off your feet. You screamed, as whoever had you in the bridal carry howled like a mad man; at least it was obvious who it was long before he had reached the park, giggling in a very un- wolflike way.

“What the hell are you doing?!” You asked, a little breathless as you clung to the front of his hoodie - you really wished he wasn’t wearing that shitty wolf mask, the low light of the street lamps made it look genuinely freaky.

Chris chuckled, putting on a darker tone this time. “ You’re fresh meat.” Though the ‘intimidating’ voice didn’t last long, as he broke back into a dopey giggle. When he finally ran back to the crew and put you down, you promised yourself to watch your back more vigilantly in the future. With that little escapade, everyone decided you had enough footage of Chris jumpscaring poor passers-by, the executive decision was made for celebration drinks in a bar near Tower Bridge. Tremaine was nice enough to get the first couple rounds for everyone, toasting the crew for their hard work on the past few months of shooting; he then turned to Johnny, Chris and Steve-O to make a special mention: “takes balls to do the dumb shit you guys put yourselves through.”

“Hear hear!”

Down the hatch, let the good times roll. Sure, you drank every night here, but this really did feel special, a joy and undeniable relief that everyone felt with the end of filming. The only thing was that you wish truly everyone was here to celebrate it too - despite not knowing Dave and Ehren that well, they deserved to be here much more than you believed you did. Not to mention Bam and Ryan… you stared into the bubbling liquid in your pint glass as the thought arose. Shit, you really missed them. You haven’t even been gone that long and you missed them. It was great being here with Johnny, Chris and Steve-O, but you couldn’t shake that feeling of an important piece of the puzzle being missing. You raised your glass to your lips and wondered what they were doing right now…?

You should ring Bam...

“Hey, what you staring into space for?”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise at the tipsy Chris now sitting next to you. Wait, where did everyone else go? Your head darted around, noting how the group had splintered off into different parts of the bar - you must’ve been so wrapped in drinking and thinking that you hadn’t noticed them all go.

“Huh… don’t know. How long was I out for?”

“Oh, dunno really, I was caught up with some guy. Anyway, you looked like you were thinkin’ too hard so I came over to get us some drinks. Wanna do shots?”

You quirked an embarrassed smile, letting your preoccupations slip out of your head. “Sure, get whatever you want, I’ll pay.”

“Oho! Well if you insist~ ” He giggled coyly, twirling his shoulder-length hair around his finger before turning to the bartender with his order. As he chatted, you lingered on the outline of his profile, the way his nose curved into his lips and other poetic nonsense. You never noticed how cute his nose actually was, it complimented his face nicely. Not that his face really needed complimenting, it was pretty damn great already. Then there was his pretty hair, slightly curly and hanging a little ways past his ears - it was long enough to run your fingers through and catch the knots. It suited him well.

Oh no, the booze was getting you all sappy .

You squinted at your beer for a second, as if to scold it, then quickly decided you didn’t give a shit

“You gonna grow it out?”

“Huh?” Chris asked, tilting his head to the side slightly like a confused puppy as he pushed your shot in front of you. You motioned to his head.

“Your hair, I mean it’s already kinda grown out but, like, gonna grow it out s’more? Get real hippy dippy?”

“Oh… yeah, I was thinking about it.” He seemed caught off guard, shifting on his stool. A little hazy eyed, you nodded, face unreadable.

“...Your hair’s nice, soft. I hope you grow it out. Hippy dippy looks good on you.”

For a moment he just blinked at you, but a grin soon split his cheeks, and if you looked a little closer [or were a little less drunk] you would’ve noticed the splash of red that started to stain across the bridge of his nose.

“What a charmer! Your hair’s nice, too - really nice, actually. Hope you let me comb through it again.”

You smiled bashfully, bumped your shot glasses together with a ‘clink’ and knocked back the pair of snakebites. Burning, tinged with the citrus of lime juice, but it felt good going down, and Chris’s warm smile only served to soothe that burn. His eye twinkled mischievously as he watched you set the shot glass back down with a heavy hand.

“Wanna do another?”

The two of you got caught in your own world for god knows how long, chatting about who the fuck cares and getting totally shitfaced. You didn’t remember the last time you felt so light - it’s always so easy with Chris, he’s such a calming presence. At one point in the night you told him he reminded you of a capybara, and he drunkenly laughed and said you reminded him of a deer. You pulled a face and asked him why the hell are you a deer? And he said, “ No it totally makes sense. You’re this pretty, flighty thing but you got antlers and they fuckin’ hurt when you use them. Also, when you get surprised you get this cute wide-eyed look.” There were no further questions, you were busy downing your drink to quell the fuzzy feeling in your chest.

It could’ve been minutes or hours the two of you spent talking, but it couldn’t last forever. You were far gone, but you were with it enough to notice raised voices near down the other end of the bar. You furrowed your eyebrows, ignoring Chris mid sentence as you leaned to the side to look around him and see what the big deal was, only to see Steve-O jabbing his finger at a much larger bloke’s chest.

“Shit.”

“What?” Chris turned to see what you were looking at. “Ah shit. ”

To Chris’ surprise, Steve-O didn’t even seem to be the aggressor this time - the stranger, clearly wasted off his fucking nut, had a demeanour like a rabid dog, shoulders hunched over and shoving at Steve’s shoulder. Instinctively, your face screwed up in distaste as you watched it unfold, tensions rising when the guy grabbed Steve by the front of his shirt. Like you were on autopilot, you got up from your stool and marched over, ignorant to Chris’ slurred questions and your unsteady feet.

You knew damn well Steve-O can take care of himself, but to be entirely honest, this wasn’t for him. You were pissed in both senses of the word, and this was what you wanted to do.

“Mind your fucking business!” You barked, yanking the guy by the back of his shirt to get his attention. He looked over his shoulder, but didn’t pay you much more mind. Alright dick, as if you were gonna get ignored like that. You looped round, wedging yourself in between him and Steve and started pushing at the strangers chest. “Hey asshole fuckin’ look at me! I said mind your fucking business! ”

“The fuck ‘s this?” He asked, shoving you back by the shoulder like he did Steve. “Your fuckin’ bird stickin’ her neck out for you?”

“‘M not a fuckin’ bird shit for brains.”

“The fuck does he mean ‘ bird ’?” Steve asked nobody in particular, because right now your tunnel vision was set on the random man twice your size.

“Stop yapping and get the fuck out of my way, dizzy cunt.” The stranger spat, moving to push past you but you threw your entire weight into his front, managing to knock him back.

“I'll show you a dizzy cunt you fuckin’ bell end!”

You jammed your boot into his shins as hard as you could, and though it knocked you off balance, you steadied yourself in time to catch him wincing. However, it didn’t nearly have the effect you hoped. What followed happened too fast for you to really catch on - one second you were on your feet, the next your head hit the sticky bar floor, hot pain starting to radiate across your face and the taste of metal arising in your mouth as the edges of your vision started to black out. The stranger was ushered out by security - no matter the fact you were the little shit starter, if security sees a big guy knock someone out, they’re gonna be the one getting kicked out. Just before you totally blacked out, some familiar concerned faces crowded around you, and it kinda reminded you of when you wiped out on that ramp the first time you met them all, especially when Knoxville said,

“ Shit, [Y/n] you good? How’s your head?”

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

Ugh…Wow…

Your head really fucking hurts.

You don’t know who you are, where you are, anything really, but you could be sure of that much.

Your head really really fucking hurts.

Well, that and one other thing you noticed - the distant sound of people talking, maybe in a hallway? If you opened your eyes you could probably figure it out, but you didn’t really feel like it right now. In fact, considering the way you felt right now, you didn’t want to move for a million years. Which is saying something, since whatever you were lying on was pretty uncomfortable, starchy and stiff, nothing like your sheets at home. So, you could rule out home. One step closer to solving the mystery. You could hear other sounds nearer to you, things like coughing or hushed conversation; if you put in the effort, you could just about make it out. Something full of jargon, sounded professional. Well that’s just confusing, why would you be asleep somewhere professional? Through the thin skin of your eyelids, you could also tell there was a lot of bright light, light that’d probably hurt when and if you decide to open up. Looking forward to that. Bet that’ll do wonders for your head. Despite your hesitation, you knew you wouldn’t be able to get much more information without using all of your senses, so begrudgingly, you opened your eyes.

“ Jesus! ” You jolted at the unexpected presence of a man in hospital scrubs standing right next to you. The initial spike of your heart rate soon calmed as he looked at you with confusion; your expression was purely disgruntled. “Do you just… hang around like that? Waiting to jumpscare unconscious people?” He didn’t respond, simply picked up a telephone receiver on the bedside table and made a succinct message. You started to look around, eyebrows furrowed and eyes twitchy every time a certain movement made your head hurt. “Why aren’t I at the bar? Why am I in a hospital?”

“Your friends brought you into A&E about two hours ago, apparently you were knocked unconscious in a fight.”

You sucked the air through your teeth, reaching up to massage your throbbing temple.

“Shit, again? Man, I’ve gotta stop doing this, can’t be good for my head…”

“Not the first time then?”

“Well, first time getting my shit kicked in by a dude, I think. Unless I just don’t remember.”

The nurse hummed, he seemed concerned, but ultimately didn’t ask any more questions. He pottered around a bit, checking your blood pressure and heart rate only for it to come back pretty normal, if on the low side. All the while, the painkillers he gave you started to kick in.

“Hey uh… don’t know your name…”

“Nurse is fine.”

“Impersonal, alright, anyway you said I came here two hours ago? Was I really out that whole time?”

“Actually, when you came in you were conscious, but you fell asleep in the waiting room, and that was a concern due to the possibility of a brain injury.”

At least you weren’t knocked out for that whole time… you started to pick at your hospital wristband, noticing the dried blood stains on your shirt as you looked down. The wristband was kinda cool the more you looked at it, maybe you could laminate it and keep it as a bracelet or something… then when you craned your head up again, you were alone. Huh, no goodbye? Probably a pretty busy guy if he’s working A&E, you didn’t mind hanging out on your own for a bit; in fact, you could probably do with some solitude.

Well too bad, you weren’t getting any.

“Found ‘er.”

Following the familiar gravelly voice came Steve-O’s head ducking through the hospital room doorway.

“Oh, hey. Did they not tell you where I was?”

“Didn’t even let us follow you, dude.” Steve-O complained, taking a seat next to the hospital bed. “Fuckin’ weak, dunno why they rushed you off like that.”

“Probably ‘cuz of my bad brains.” You flicked your own forehead for emphasis, but just caused a twinge of pain in the process. Steve-O shrugged, leaning his arms on his thighs so he was a bit closer to you.

“You’re fine, bet you’ve gotten worse.” He trailed off for a second, staring at his shoes then back at you. “Why’d you get in between us like that?”

“Eh, don’t know. Had a lot to drink, wanted to piss somebody off… didn’t think he’d actually take a swing though.”

“All bark, huh?”

“No way I have bite, kicked the guy in the fuckin’ shins. He was being an ass anyway, deserved it.”

Steve-O smiled, not the impish one you’re used to but something softer. “...Thanks. That was pretty cool of you.”

You stalled for a second, but settled for mirroring his smile. “Don’t mention it.”

“ [Y/n]!”

Enter, Johnny and Chris. Chris wasted no time coming right up to your bedside. “Dude, did he scramble your brains?”

“Yeah, don’t even remember your name, Chris.”

Chris snickered, but he seemed preoccupied by something. “I, uh… I feel kinda bad about the whole thing, I should’ve held you back or something. I don’t know why I didn’t, it just–”

“If it makes you feel any better, I literally wouldn’t let you stop me.” You assured, shrugging nonchalantly, and he managed to crack a smile.

“Still, sorry.”

You rolled your eyes and ruffled his hair it might’ve been an excuse to touch his hair again . “You’re too soft for your own good, y’know.”

“Jeez, you’d think they’d at least clean the blood offa ya, you look a mess.” Johnny commented, coming up on the other side of your bed to get a good look at you. He looked around for a second, then reached for the box of tissues he spotted.

“There’s blood ? Seriously? But my nose doesn’t hurt..”

“I think the guy had rings on or something, gave you a gash on your cheek.” Steve-O explained, scratching at his left cheek as if to demonstrate.

“Eh, don’t worry about it, I gotcha.” Johnny assured, dipping a tissue into a glass of water enough to wet it but not have it break apart; his free hand cupped your cheek, warm and directing so he could keep your head facing him, and with a gentler hand than you thought him able, started to dab at the dried blood on your face. Sure, it still hurt , after sitting on your skin so long he had to scrub at some parts, but it was relaxing nonetheless. He let out little ‘sorry’ s every time you winced or hissed, and all too soon, it was over. Without thinking, your head followed his hand as he released your face, chasing the warmth of his palm, and to your relief he didn’t bother to mention it.

“There, now we’re even.”

“Nurse Knoxville.” You teased, resting your arms in your now folded lap as Steve-O and Chris chuckled.

“He’d be a shit nurse.” Steve-O snarked, followed by Chris.

“Bet he can’t pull off the outfit like I can.”

“Real nurses don’t even wear that skimpy shit, look–” Johnny motioned to the nurse stood in the doorway, staring disapprovingly at the group. “ That’s what they actually wear.”

“You shouldn’t be in here.” Your nurse said bluntly, fully entering the room. The guys all brushed him off.

“Nah, ‘s okay, we know her.” Chris assured, as if that was the issue.

“That doesn’t matter, only immediate family’s allowed. We’re not sure of her condition yet.”

“Aw c’mon , look at her, she’s fine.” Steve-O insisted, but the nurse wasn’t going to be convinced as he started to usher Steve out of the shitty plastic chair he was sat in.

“Really, I’m fine, we’ve gotta go catch a flight anyway so–”

“I really wouldn’t advise that. We’d like to keep you overnight so we can monitor your condition–” The nurse was interrupted by a beeping in his pocket; he pulled out a pager, took one quick glance, then heaved a heavy sigh. “There’s something I need to tend to… can you hang on for ten minutes?”

You nodded, so he swiftly left. Busy, busy man.

Johnny whistled, playing with his hands as he turned back to you. “You don’t have to give ‘em your insurance info or anything?”

“Nope, free healthcare.”

“Great, let’s get you out of this miserable li’l matchbox.”

You weren’t going to argue, you had shit to do. Lucky they didn’t put you in one of those paper-y hospital gowns because you really didn’t feel like staying longer than you absolutely had to. Once Johnny helped you over the metal railing of the hospital bed and Chris picked up your jacket, you hightailed it out of that A&E room before any nurse could stop you. It was still dark when you made it outside, but clearly nearing daylight, as that deep navy started to lighten to an ultramarine blue. You always liked that stage of the night sky, thought it was so pretty when everything was bathed in that hazy blue glow. The rental car was pulled up in front of the hospital entrance so you were all able to pile in as quickly as possible, then off you went on the way home.

Flashes of street lights flitted past the car window, and you watched as the cityscapes changed and flowed. A tug at your hospital wristband caught your attention, and you turned to Chris.

“Gonna keep it?”

You hummed and gazed at it again. “...Yeah, looks cool.”

With all your fondness for Chris, you hoped you weren’t sitting next to him on the plane back.

#jackass fanfic #jackass x reader #johnny knoxville x reader #bam margera x reader #steve o x reader #chris pontius x reader #ryan dunn x reader #if you're gonna be dumb

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1-800-rui · 2 months

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i just want to share my failed artworks

please do not reupload‼️

THIS IS NOT MADS MIKKELSEN 🔥🔥

I HATE THE SHADING

HE LOOKS WEIRD WTH

HELP

trying to make pink roses (literally studying how to shade) but it doesn't look like roses

these two are old arts for the roblox drawing competition, but i did not win 🙏🏼

trying to make a vector art but failed

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT POSE

she's cute, pass

WHY IS SHE LOOKS BUFFY 😭😭😭 I'M SO SORRY

bonus: an old sfm made by myself and i was like "oh my god... no."

the end :P

#failed #failedarts #failedartworks #art wip #artist issues #artists on tumblr #sillyposting #silly

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corpseofbunny · 2 years

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ﾟ｡˚ ୨୧ ⁞ ❛ DO YOU EVEN HAVE A BOYFRIEND? ❜

characters ⁞ lee jinho, feminine reader.

plot ⁞ based off / inspired by my 'tendencies' blurb.

warnings ⁞ she / her pronouns are used, one sided relationship, distant relationship, emotional unavailability, mentions of abuse of power, mean! jinho.

bunni's notes ⁞ reuploaded because my code last time was very weird and breaking the structure, making a really weird, annoying glitch happen. - if you saw my old version, the writing and ending has been rewritten and updated :D

your relationship was doomed from the start.

jinho adored you. you were kind enough to give him benefit of the doubt every single time and stupid enough to not be able to come to the realization that he was using you on your own. when he said jump, you would ask how high.

when you got home from whatever the day had brought you, you were exhausted but always so happy to see him again. a drowsy smile hanging off your puffy lips as you stood on the tip of your toes to reach up and kiss his nose. sticky lip gloss would highlight where you had just kissed jinho and he would grin at you but as you wrapped your arms around his slender waist and buried your head into his chest, his smile would drop and he would lovelessly return the hug. it’s just a shame he didn’t actually like or love you because jinho would’ve been a good boyfriend.

he never held you in bed when you slept together. when he would, he still felt so far away. you would ask him if something was wrong and he shrugged you off. you tried so hard to be a good girlfriend. “she’s a keeper,” was always something you wanted to hear from someone he was close to. “i wish i had a girlfriend like her!” you just wanted some sort of acknowledgement on how hard you trying. it never amounted up to shit though because he may have adored you but not enough to put you on a pedestal or treat you how you deserved to be treated. jinho adored that you let him use you whenever he wanted. jinho adored that you always listened to him. jinho adored that you never questioned his motives. jinho adored the things about you - not you as a whole person.

sadly, your friends didn’t like him very much. “jinho is calling? don’t answer! he’s so mean! what do you see in him?” - “he bosses you around!” - “you need to leave him, all he sees you as is a servant!” - "do you even have a boyfriend?" it was always humiliating to have your relationship thrown on spot. always left hurt, always coming home teary-eyed and falling into jinho's arms. you loved your boyfriend! he must’ve loved you back, right? he wouldn't care for you the way he did, if he didn't right? he would carefully rub your back and let you sob into his neck. his heavy cologne and gentle touch would always calm you down but then suddenly, he stopped. no more performances of his false love were done and he began to get more agitated. angrier, like his fuse was about to blow constantly and you always happened to be in the way. the yelling, shaking you, giving you scary looks but then breaking down in your arms and apologizing over and over again. he wasn't really sorry, though. just another show to make you stay.

you always made him coffee before he got up. you were always careful and paid attention to every detail. when he finally woke up and after a single sip, told you it was dull, you got confused and didn't know what happened. you did everything right, you always did. you made sure of it because you wanted to be a good girlfriend. when he dumped the fresh cup in the sink right in front of you, and told you to make it again, you were so confused. "make it again." just kept running wild in your head. whether it was the constant yelling and half hearted apologies, emotional and mental exhaustion from always trying or the words from your friends engraved in your head unwillingly, you started crying, covering your nose and mouth with a cupped hand as you started looking around the kitchen. you didn't even notice until you saw him staring at you with such a lack of emotion. you hated the way he was looking at you, it was enough to make you wanna vomit. you stopped what you were doing and realized this was gonna continue. a one sided relationship. all the effort relied on you but you couldn't do it anymore. putting the bag of strong scented grounds down on the counter, you sniffled and wiped your nose with your sweater sleeve. your face twitched as tried to find the words to speak but you didn't know how to approach it. you were finally standing up for yourself but you didn't know how; so you just said the first thing that came to mind.

“do you even like me, jinho?”

#— full.#— fandom: how to fight / viral hit.#jinho how to fight #jinho viral hit #lee jinho #244 #244 how to fight #244 viral hit #244 x reader #how to fight x reader #viral hit x reader

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mountain-dew-tickledpink · 5 months

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Remembering

Reupload because I had a weird dream where the ending of this fic looked messed up letters so I deleted and reuploaded, once again hesitant to call this boyfs but basically last fic I wrote but in Jeremy’s perspective

Obviously Jeremy missed Michael. They had been best friends for years, squip or not, and when they stopped talking it hurt like hell.

But a strange part of him felt some sort of relief. Like, it was painful to be miss Michael, and not to mention there was still guilt there for everything that happened.

In a strange way, though? The whole situation gave him an opportunity to grow. Jeremy got to branch out more and make new friends, even if it meant losing his first ever friend.

Things with Christine didn’t entirely work out. There was nothing wrong with that, even if it also hurt, but they still stayed close. Life just kind of goes on that way.

That part also hurt, almost as bad as when he and Michael first stopped talking, but what could he do now? It felt artificial to reach out more now besides the happy birthday texts (the last one sent had Michael respond with “you too” for some reason?) and wishing each other well on holidays.

But it had been a few years, and it had started to hurt less. Sometimes, though, Jeremy wondered if Michael still thought about him.

“The date I had with that girl went really well.”

Jeremy looked up from the menu he was holding, smiling up at his friend. “Hello to you too, Sydney.”

Sydney took her seat and grabbed one of the menus from the table, laughing slightly when Jeremy looked back down at his own. “What was this girl’s name again?”

“Eleanor.” Sydney hummed and tapped her foot slightly. “Really nice girl, works at that aquarium nearby.”

Jeremy put down his menu once he decided what he was going to get, nodding slightly to show he was paying attention. “That’s great, I’m glad that’s going good for you.”

“What about you?” Sydney asked, still looking at her own menu. “Any luck recently with anyone?”

“I mean, not really.” When he and Christine broke up, it’s not like Jeremy stopped dating forever. He went on some different dates with a lot of different people. A few with girls, and a few with guys, it just didn’t always lead to anything specific.

“Well, no big deal. You don’t have to be in a relationship, not a requirement to be happy.” the green haired girl shrugged and put down her menu. “Personally, I’ve been on too many dates.”

“You get too many bitches?” Jeremy teased, and Sydney stuck her tongue back at him for a second.

“No need to insult me, Heere. Terribly wounded. But I’ve plenty of experience with the ladies, you’re correct.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes, and that’s when the waiter came around. After ordering drinks, his attention went back to her. “I’ve had plenty of experience, too.”

“Oh, really? Did you date anyone else outside of Christine that I didn’t know about?”

Jeremy paused for a minute. He shouldn’t have paused, he really hadn’t dated anyone before Christine.

But what he and Michael had was something. Not romantic or platonic, but something.

“I mean, I guess I didn’t really date anyone, but I did kind of have my first really bad heartbreak before Christine?”

Sydney raised an eyebrow, intrigued and leaning forward. “Really? Oh, I’ve got to know more.”

“You know Michael?” Well, obviously Sydney wouldn’t know Michael personally. However, with how long Jeremy and him were friends for, it was inevitable he would come up in a few childhood stories.

“Wait, he was your first heartbreak but you didn’t date? You had a crush on him then?”

He nodded, adding a short hum at the end. “I mean, it was really short lived, but yeah.”

The thing with Michael is he knew he liked boys for a long while. Jeremy’s discovery of liking boys came from a sleepover in seventh grade, in which he and Michael had been making microwave pizza rolls.

It had been a little while before Jeremy liked Christine, and so brief that he barely even counted it as anything. But it did happen.

“It’s kind of weird, looking back on it?”

“Crushing on your best friend? Kind of a classic recipe for queer romance if you ask me,” Sydney teased a little, earning a small giggle from Jeremy.

“No, I mean, even outside of the brief time I liked him, he was kind of my whole world. I didn’t think there would be anything outside of him for a long time.”

It was just Michael and Jeremy. Past, present, future. Only them, and the thought of anyone else being between them used to sometimes make Jeremy sick to his stomach.

Which felt especially ironic now, considering the fact he eventually went on to want more. Not like that was a bad thing, it was actually probably good for both of them to get a break from each other.

“I don’t understand whether or not I was genuinely into him or not, because even after I started crushing on Christine we kind of stayed really connected? Like he was just me but in a different form.”

“Huh..” Sydney listened, the waiter soon bringing the drinks out and asking what they were ready to order actual food. “I think we need a few more minutes, thanks.” She responded politely and turned back to Jeremy as the waiter walked away.

“Michael was what made me feel safe and secure for most of my life. He was consistently there.” Jeremy continued, fidgeting around with his hands. God, why was talking about this so nerve-wracking for him?

“You mentioned before you guys stopped talking after you got a girlfriend, right? Was he jealous or something?”

“I don’t think so..” Jeremy wasn’t for sure. At least, he’s fairly sure Michael wasn’t jealous. The whole situation of them no longer talking came from the squip, but who would believe him if he told them?

That’s when Sydney’s phone buzzed and she pulled it out. “Oh, it’s Eleanor, do you mind if I respond real quick?”

“Oh, no.” Jeremy smiled and pulled out his own phone as Sydney messaged Eleanor, scrolling through his own texts until he found Michael’s name.

‘You too’ was still kind of a funny response to the happy birthday message Jeremy had sent, in his opinion. After looking up at Sydney for a few moments, he started to type.

Hey, how are you doing

That’s when the waiter came in, the pair putting their phones away after Jeremy backspaced on the message.

#Dewey Does a Fic #Dewey Writes a Fic #max and ruby discourse #be more chill #bmc #jeremy heere #Boyf riends but only kinda #Doomed Yaoi part 2

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