#i do not care!!! do not make me feel guilty. i do not resent or hate or detest anyone Here!!

[paper-mario-wiki]

I feel like I've ended up in the same spot as so transmasc before me: I have a lovely cis boyfriend who loves my tits which I love for him, but I am getting dysphoric to the point I wanna lift my lips and show a lil teeth when I see his hands coming towards them. Feels bad because they are his favorite and we haven't been fucking as much because as soon as he starts touching me I am out of it™ and get all in my head and freeze up. Any advice?

good god, brother. i am utterly baffled at why you have elected me as the strategist for this problem, and i'm even more confused as to why you have chosen to go into as much detail as you have.

but.

if i were to give you some advice on this

i'd say that you should consider a conversation with your partner about the long-term plan for the relationship. a "relationship" is two lives that are connected, right? and your life is not one where you're gonna have boobs for the rest of it (or at least based on what you've told me i would assume, should you have your way, those bad boys are gettin lopped off at some point), therefore it's pertinent that it be brought up, because it concerns your life, therefore it concerns the relationship, therefore it concerns him, yes?

now, the first and most obvious thing to start with out the gate is the boundary, made clear and concise: the hills are now closed, off limits to tourists. all discussions regarding this come next. make it clear that it's about something quite core to your identity, and something that does in fact cause physical pain (a panic response from the nervous system is pain homie).

this brings some followup questions (and remember, this isn't an interrogation, it's a dialogue to share): how does he feel about this? if he's against, why? for that matter, how much does it bother him? is there something he doesn't understand about your discomfort? is there some concern he has about your financial or bodily well-being with regards to the procedure? is it because it's vital to his attraction to you as a partner? if that's the case, would their removal be a deal-breaker?

now keep in mind, these question can be brought up whether or not you've got immediate plans to engage in the aforementioned lopping-off of your aforementioned Bad Boys, because the actual point of this dialectical exercise is to create a simple, easy to navigate, easy to understand conversation, which will set a foundation for further negotiations-- should you learn something new about each other, or yourselves, or the relationship as a whole.

either way, i do not think that letting it keep happening and keeping it to yourself is a good idea. i can understand feeling guilty about withholding some physical and emotional gratification you could give "easily" to this person you care dearly for, but trust me when i say that it's not the way to let it be. not just because it's unfair to your partner to secretly grow to resent them for a reason you don't want to vocalize, but to yourself as well.

you may not know it, but by keeping it to yourself you're slowly building up a resentment. that frustration actually shows up pretty clearly in your message. and even if what you're frustrated about is only that particular activity, that activity is irrevocably tied to another person. specifically, a person that you consider to be a pretty central pillar in your life. if that resentment grows, it can evolve into anger, hatred, fear, paranoia, and all sorts of nasty things. and even aside from the emotional and psychological damage that can do, it can grow into a physiological issue, where your brain wears out more and more due to the growing emotional distress ripping through your neurons with all sorts of "emergency" chemicals. like i said, the panic response is a physical pain, even if your body doesn't feel like it "hurts".

so. to summarize.

ABSOLUTELY bring it up. if you don't, it could become damaging to your relationship, and also your actual real life physical brain.

when you do bring it up, remember that the goals are to set a boundary, and to reach an understanding through mutual conversation. it's a dialogue, not a lecture.

when you reach an understanding, figure out if the relationship needs to be renegotiated in some way. that usually means new boundaries, or expectations. or maybe nothing! though surely your boyfriend can find more things to love about you.

that's as best as i can muster. you don't have to follow it, but hopefully it'll at least give you some ideas you can use.

[imustbenuts]

nuts reading trigun in japanese 7 - filial piety, and meryl

my alternate readings/translation/interpretation of jp lines are for triangulation purposes and nothing else.

ch 10-12. a more general scattershot of a post than over analyzing the japanese texts this time round. i think meryl in these 3 chapters is the most interesting character for me. but mainly bc she seems to be carrying a baggage: her struggle with filial piety.

^OH's version

ソレが普通ですわよ That'd be the most common sense thing to do. それにもともと家訓からして『自立せよ』ですからね But our house's motto is to first be independent above all. ドライといえばドライなのかも Mine would just be dry beyond dry...

me: hm. an office lady in the context of being written in 1990s by a japanese guy. i understand.

(i actually prefer OH's version bc the implications of what shes saying is the exact same, but more importantly leads into this page)

いきついて見れば When I realized all that 何か大切なものを忘れてるのかも… Realized that perhaps I've forgotten something (filial piety) so important... 私… I...

(you can see how this raw translation fucking sucks. I'd reword it in a way that's along the lines of 'feeling so ashamed as to forget getting angry', but OH's version is a downright banger. 11/10 the implications of what she feels is still the exact same. love it a lot!)

right so.

filial piety.

filial piety for a lot of asians is... kind of hard to break down. but perhaps can be explained as "abandoning ones' parents is the worst sin one can do".

not being filial is an invitation to the most extreme judgement from relatives and outsiders in a society which upholds it as the absolute virtue. at least, for the most part. (late stage capitalism fucked it all up yayy)

abandonment can be in the form of presence and/or financial. if a child doesnt make bank to pay back for their parents raising them up, they're not filial. if a child is absent and not there to take care of their parent, thats not filial.

and not being grateful, not being filial, equals shame and warrants divine punishment. (check out folklores like momotaro and kaguyahime that touches on these themes)

meryl i think struggles with that bc shes likely an only child who is expected to work an office job after studying super hard for it, and is now living independently away from her parents. meaning, she is technically not present to take care of them, which in this context makes her feel immensely guilty.

to make matters worse, it sounds like shes one of those types where her parents possibly had to work a lot to pay for this and that, resulting in a severe lack of communication. so this compounds, and she can only write dry stuff in her mind.

milly, by the way, does not have this problem as much:

she has a lot of siblings who can shoulder the weight of it all together, so in terms of that filial piety stress shes not doing so bad.

Badwick, the focus of this arc, by the way, faces the same struggles with meryl:

i mentioned the financial part bc from how chill the parents are with him, i think its possible he was trying to sell the land for large sums of money for his parents to retire. theres an added level of resentment going on that complicates their dynamic, with a dead brother and a land that means too much to sell for any sum of money.

and also his parents are... too nice and understanding, jeez.

i dont think meryl has the resentment. i think her case was similar in that her parents worked hard to provide and kinda neglected her in the connection part.

ofc this might then bring up the question of, 'isnt filial piety kinda transactional?', and, yeah. it... frankly can be. some parents have weaponized it, knowing that a society which forces unconditional love and financial support from a child is a good retirement plan. and it sucks. nightow must have realized this and sidestepped it.

whether bc it will not be well received by the then jp audience or if he just doesnt want to tell a story about this, i dont know. there could also be the fact that the 90s was a bad time to be talking about securing retirement for parents when the economy was circling the drain.

trigun gets dark later. we are getting love and peace above all else, at least for now.

...hm something seems to be rising over the horizon. but we can deal with that later. domestic violence

also i think vash is the kind who would also be a filial son to rem. this aspect of him is just lurking silently in the background in hindsight. in a barrel.

(incidentally i think this is also why luida and brad got promoted to surrogate parents position in stampede. much to ponder ponder...)

[theserpentsadvocate]

I’m still working on that fic and

Vorn: We're best friends! :) I love my new job.

Broud: *breathes in Durc's direction*

Vorn: Actually, never talk to me or my new son ever again.

[the-midnight-in-me]

.

[arolesbianism]

Shakes the bars of my cage I need to draw soooo bad I need to draw I need to draw let me draw I have to draw I need to draw I must draw (<- has been too sick to be on electronics much and doesn't like doing traditional art)

[vorejuiceguzzler]

thinking abt laios touden.................. autism man my beloved

[gay-dorito-dust]

I'm here with a Wuthering Waves request.

Could I request Jiyan with a s/o who likes talking about how pretty and handsome he is?

‘Look at you,’ you said softly as you held his face within your hands, fingertips caressing his skin as though it was made out of porcelain, while your gaze was transfixed on the many shades that made up his gorgeous eyes that always seemed to be set in a glare or deep thought. ‘Beautiful.’

Jiyan thought that after a while he would’ve gotten use to your honeyed words of sincerity and soft touches, however the general has found himself melting under your adoring gaze more times then he’d like to admit. With him being General it didn’t leave much room for you two to spend much time together, so when you do spend some time together Jiyan tries his hardest to make every second count as reconciliation for how often he’s away performing his duties.

You on the other hand didn’t mind it, sure it got lonely now and then but you’d always remind yourself that when your beloved general does come home from the battlefield, you got the opportunity to show just how much you appreciated him. You knew what you were getting into when you accepted his affections and became his partner, and as his partner it was your duty to take his mind off of his duties and bring about a sense of normality to his life.

‘Is there a reason you’re complimenting me?’ Jiyan asked, righting his hardest to not close his eyes upon feeling your fingertips caress his jaw in a way made every thought escape his head until all he could think of was how careful you were being with him.

‘I’m merely telling the truth my dear general, you are indeed a handsome man to gaze upon.’ You replied smiling warmly at him.

‘Is that why I always catch you looking at me as often as you do when I’m training?’ Jiyan raises his brow knowingly as you could only feel your cheeks flush at being caught but your couldn’t help it, you loved seeing your partner train as you got to watch him in his element and fall even more in love with him then you already had.

‘Guilty as charged,’ you chuckled as you pressed a kiss to his nose, ‘though I will not be made ashamed in watching my beloved general look ethereal and heavenly even when he’s working up a sweat.’ You added shamelessly.

Jiyan tightened his hold on your waist and pulled you in close. ‘You truly are a troublesome one aren’t you my love.’

‘Am I worth the trouble General?’ You asked him, looking deeply into those captivating eyes that you longed to look into their seemingly endless depths of pure gold forever.

‘You are indeed worth it and much more, it is I that should be asking you that question.’ Jiyan said as he recalled the important dates that he had missed due to his duties as general, he knew you didn’t resent him one bit for it, but that didn’t mean he himself had forgiven for missing out on the most important days of your life together.

You furrowed your brows as you saw a look of guilt and remorse cast over his face and you immeditly moved into action by planting kisses all over his face as you whispered sweet nothings to him. ‘You are anything but trouble my sweet, handsome Jiyan. The man with the prettiest golden eyes and the most beautiful blue hair that consumes my every waking thought to the point it maddens me.’ You pull away just to rest your forehead against his.

‘You may hold resentment towards yourself but I don’t, I miss you it’s true but my love for you is unending, I love you when you’re with me and I love you when you’re away fighting to protect our home. You are the most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes upon and I will say that until I have lost my voice completely.’ You steal a kiss from his lips. ‘You are worth every bit of me even if you may not think so but you are and I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you because if I don’t, then may my heart be forever incomplete without you. So please don’t doubt yourself because I don’t doubt who my heart chooses to love wholeheartedly.’ You finished.

Jiyan only pulled you in tightly against his chest as he burrowed his head into your shoulder to hide away his burning cheeks, the words he wanted to say had died upon his tongue when you bore your heart out to him, his eyes sealed shut as he took you in your entirety and engraved it to his memory for when he had to leave once more for the battlefield; hoping that your scent would cling to him so that he’d have something of you to keep him going when stuck in the front lines.

He just wanted to have some aspect of you with him as his own personal morale boost when he was feeling at a loss, but wouldn’t allow for the soldiers to see that side of him, for if the general is shown at a loss, then the soldiers are quick to loose hope, he has to be strong for them like a good general should from his troupes and be a human second. ‘My heart has always belonged to you my dear,’ he began, ‘I didn’t see it fit that I’d receive your honeyed words due to my frequent absences, but with your unconditional love i am sure to see myself the way you see me one day; if you’ll continue to help me.’ He finishes, tightening his hold on you.

You smiled brightly as you stole kiss from his lips. ‘Forever and always my pretty General.’

[cafelattaes]

afterglow | zcl

summary : in which you felt fed up with chenle and walked out after a fight, but you were uncertain whether he’d make an effort to save your relationship.

pairing : chenle x fem!reader

genre : romance, angst

word count : 2.1k

you were having an argument with chenle. you tried to tell him that you felt a little uneasy about one of his female friends, but he downplayed your emotions and it irked you.

"don't you think you're being unfair?" you asked, frustration evident in your voice. "you're allowed to be jealous of every single person you think is hitting on me, but i'm not even allowed to feel upset that you have a close friend who obviously likes you?"

chenle responded dismissively. "it doesn't matter if someone likes me. all my friends know i'm head over heels for you. besides, none of my friends have openly told me they like me. i can't say the same to you and your so-called guy friends."

"i already rejected him," you countered, your voice rising. "how many times do i have to tell you that?"

"it doesn't look like you did because he's obviously still expecting something from you." he retorted, crossing his arms.

"i don't know how else to convince you. why do you always do this? every time i try to tell you how i feel, you always find a way to somehow turn it around on me, and it ends with you feeling more upset than i am."

"look, you don't need to worry about me. i couldn't care less about anyone who might like me. but you? you're too soft with that friend of yours. you might not see it, but it's obvious to everyone else how he hangs all over you. and you're not doing enough to stop it."

"but i don't like him, i never did and i never will. you also have nothing to worry about. why can't you let it go?"

chenle sighed, his eyes narrowing. "the same reason you can't let go of your concerns about my friend. no matter what i say, you're still upset and you're still jealous. that's exactly how i feel."

"so what do you want me to do?" you asked, exasperated.

"nothing. you can't do what i want."

"you want me to stop being friends with him? is that it?" you asked, incredulous. "will you do it for me if i ask you the same thing?" you challenged him. but chenle didn't respond; he just rolled his eyes and turned his back on you.

you felt so pissed off. chenle was always so unfair to you whenever you had a fight. you almost screamed at him to get out, but then you remembered you were at his house. you grabbed your things and turned to the door. you were about to leave when you heard chenle's voice.

"you're leaving because of something so petty? seriously?" he said with a scoff.

you gave him a dirty look, your hand on the doorknob. "you were about to storm off to your room and shut me out anyway. we obviously don't want to see each other right now, so what's the point of me staying?" you didn't wait for him to respond. you immediately left, slamming the door behind you.

you knew you were being immature, but so was chenle. you weren't about to let him slam the door on you again, making you feel shitty and guilty, when he clearly didn't feel the same remorse. somehow, even when the fight was his fault, you always ended up being the first one to apologize. that made your stomach churn with resentment.

you weren't always like this. during the first few months of your relationship, you and chenle rarely fought. even when you did, they were just small arguments and you would always make up immediately. but now, almost two years into the relationship, after the honeymoon phase had worn off, things had changed dramatically. you started getting into more frequent and intense fights, and the tolerance and understanding that you had at the start had also faded.

honestly, part of the reason why you're always the first one to give in is that, no matter how angry you get at your boyfriend, you can never stay mad at him for long. you fear that if both of you remain stubborn and no one's going to swallow their pride, the fight would escalate and break the two of you apart. chenle, on the other hand, always seems to have no problem ignoring you for a long time. it only intensifies your frustration and hurt, making you feel even more upset with him than you already are.

you've decided you won't give in this time, no matter what. you're scared that he might do the same, matching your stubbornness with his own. but if he can't even swallow his pride for you, the person he claims to love most, then maybe you're better off apart.

you don't want that though — not really. your relationship, despite its flaws, means too much to you. you just hope he does things differently this time.

after leaving chenle's house, you returned to your own place. you tried to sleep, but your anger and frustration had morphed into a gnawing worry that made your stomach tied up in knots. deep down, you weren't confident that he would do right by you this time. the realization made you feel conflicted. is it really worth staying with him if this is how he consistently makes you feel?

the thought sent a wave of sadness through you. despite everything, you loved him deeply. the idea of your relationship ending made your chest tighten with fear. you didn't want this to be the final straw.

tears welled up in your eyes, spilling over onto your pillow. as you cried silently in your room, a mix of emotions washed over you; love, frustration, hope and disappointment all tangled together. eventually, exhaustion took over, and you drifted off into a fitful sleep.

your last conscious thought was a small hope that when you woke up in the morning, you'd see his name on the screen accompanied by an apology you'd been waiting for.

chenle sat by the sofa, his eyes fixed on his phone, waiting for your call. since you had walked out after your fight the night before, you still hadn't come knocking on his door. this was the first time you hadn't talked for this long after an argument. fear started creeping up because of the prolonged silence from you. his chest tightened at the thought that you might have finally decided you'd had enough of him and realized you deserved better. he couldn't bear the thought of losing you. as the day was coming to an end, the setting sun cast long shadows across his room, signaling the passage of time and deepening his anxiety.

he could no longer sit still and wait for you to come to him. what was stopping him from coming after you anyway? he didn't know. but he realized he had been selfish for always waiting for you to mend things all this time. chenle felt like he could lose you easily to other people; you were surrounded by many who liked you and wanted to be with you. because of that, he always felt threatened. letting you come to him first after a fight somehow gave him a sense of security that you loved him enough not to let others steal you away from him.

but he realized now how dumb that was. instead, he could end up losing you because of his inaction. he snapped out of his reverie and grabbed his car keys, walking hastily through the door.

you heard someone ring your doorbell, and you checked to see who it was. your heart leaped in both happiness and relief at the sight of chenle standing outside your door.

if you weren't in a fight with him, you would laugh at how ridiculous he looked wearing sunglasses. you were pretty sure the sun had already set and it was dark outside.

you were feeling different kinds of emotions as you stood there. relief that he had come, nervousness about what he might say, and a stubborn remnant of hurt from your fight. you took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for whatever was to come as you opened the door, finally seeing him up close.

"can i come in?" chenle asked quietly. you didn't respond verbally, but opened the door wider, allowing him to enter.

you closed the door slowly before turning around to face him. chenle stood in the middle of your living room, looking uncharacteristically uncertain.

you leaned back against the door, arms crossed protectively over your chest, waiting expectantly for him to speak.

"i'm sorry," he said, his voice was soft and sounded a bit tired. "i'm sorry about everything. i was only thinking about myself and took your words lightly. i kept dismissing your feelings because i was blinded by my own jealousy. i didn't realize i was hurting you." he stepped closer, gently cradling your face in his hands. "please, forgive me. i don't want to lose you over some stupid fight. i know i haven't been the best at showing it, but i love you so much."

his words caused tears to well up in your eyes. for the past 24 hours, you had felt an uncomfortable tightness in your chest, each second away from him making you fear you were closer to losing him. you knew you both had much to discuss, and the way you communicated with each other needed improvement. but at that moment, you felt a surge of relief knowing that despite all the fights, chenle still loved you.

"thank you for coming to me, and i'm sorry too," you said, holding the hand that was caressing your face. "i have so many things to say... but first, can i take off your sunglasses? they're distracting." as you removed them, you felt your heart clenched at the sight. chenle's eyes were red and puffy, evidence of hours spent crying. the thought of him crying by himself made your sadness deepen, triggering your own tears as you immediately embraced him. "i'm so sorry for leaving you alone last night."

you didn't usually walk out during your fights, and your departure likely made chenle realize that this argument was unlike any other. he must have thought you had reached your limit. you now understood the depth of his fear of losing you, mirroring your own fear of losing him.

chenle encircled you in his arms, resting his head on your shoulder and burying his face in the crook of your neck. his embrace conveyed how much he had missed you.

"no, i am sorry. i deserved it," he murmured against your skin. "if you hadn't left, i probably would've done the same thing as before and not realized what i'd done wrong. you've been patient with me all this time. i'm sorry for all the times i ignored how you feel. i'll be better for you, i promise." he said, pressing a tender kiss on your forehead.

as you stood there in each other's arms, you both silently acknowledged the work ahead to strengthen your relationship. the warmth of your reconciliation filled the room, replacing the tension that had hung between you just moments before.

you and chenle were now cuddling on your bed. your chin rested on top of his head while gently running your fingers through his hair. the simple gesture made his heart flutter. his arm draped comfortably around your waist as he nestled against you, closing his eyes and basking in the peaceful aftermath.

as you lay there, feeling warm and loved, you felt so relieved. the tension from your fight completely melted away, and you felt even more in love.

chenle shifted slightly, tilting his head to look up at you. "i think i've figured out the secret to never fighting again."

you raised an eyebrow. "huh? what's that?"

"we just stay like this forever." he replied with a grin. "can't argue if we're too busy cuddling."

"tempting offer, but we'll get hungry eventually." chenle pretended to consider this seriously.

"then we take turns getting snacks while the other one guards the cuddle spot."

"guard it from what exactly?" he shrugged, snuggling closer.

"i don't know. cuddle thieves? it's a very coveted position, you know." you rolled your eyes in amusement.

"you're ridiculous."

"yeah," he leaned up to place a gentle kiss on your lips. "but you love me." he whispered against your mouth. you couldn't help but smile and steal another kiss from him.

as you snuggled back together, you felt calm and happy. in that moment, holding each other close, you both silently promised to stick together. you knew your love hadn't just survived, it had grown even stronger.

[thesturniolos]

make you mine ~ m.sturniolo x reader (she/her)

જ⁀➴. summary: i mean you know what they say, keep your friends close but always keep your enemies closer- just how much closer?

જ⁀➴. warnings: filthy smut, fingering, dumbification, degradation, praise, rope bunny, spitting, spanking (i’m sorry), dom!matt and sub!matt, jealousy, brat!reader, a little angsty (cause yk i fw that too much)

જ⁀➴. this is for @annamcdonalds67 challenge!! i will be basing this fic off of madison beer’s ‘make you mine’ !

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

‘i wanna lay you down, i wanna string you up, i wanna make

you mine.’

do you know that feeling when you’re drunk, so drunk that your mind feels like a fog? like a layer of cloud and mist has settled into the crevices of your brain, seeping into your every thought. a fog so powerful that it alters your visions and brings hidden secrets to the tip of your tongue, the kind of secrets that would change something, anything once and for all.

and in that moment, the feeling of freedom outweighs all the consequences of letting that secret out. slowly, my fogged brain pieces together to allow my hands to fiddle with the padlocks of the secret. to untie the tangled chains, to swivel the tiny little key around on the pads of my fingers, to push the blade into the hole in the chest.

and just like that, a secret sworn to never be spread dribbles down the edges of the box and every thought telling me, yelling actually, that what i’m about to do is wrong is etched away by a metaphorical marker and nothing will stop me from what i want to do and what i’m going to do.

the dizzying noise of a thousand people, some my friends, most of them random people you’d find at classic LA parties, is silenced by the sound of my beating heart and the blood pumping viciously around my body.

it’s the kind of passion that comes from envy, that comes from jealousy, that comes from resent so blinding that every step you take feels like it could break the marble floor underneath your feet. or that steam pushing out of your ears could be visible.

it’s the kind of jealousy that comes from seeing a person you care so deeply about in a corner with some bitch who knows nothing about him.

like- she doesn’t know what he likes and doesn’t like, she doesn’t know that he has three books by his bed and that one of them has her initials carved into the fourteenth page. she would never know that his own couch has an imprint from where my fucking ass sits everyday. like she wouldn’t know that their shared ‘hatred’ wasn’t actually real. just like how she doesn’t know that he is not on the market and she has absolutely no fucking place in the world to have her wretched bones on his skin.

you’d assume that in a situation like this time slows like a movie but it doesn’t. it speeds and i can’t keep track of anyone around me or what song is playing or even what drink is sloshing onto my hand from my cup. i just know exactly where it’s going to go though.

before i step foot into the beaming light of the kitchen, two hands grab my hips and swivel me around. two hands that won’t be there in a minute if they don’t leave my body.

im met with a pair of very similar eyes and i suddenly feel very guilty for thinking what i thought a second ago.

‘hey! where have you been all night? me and nick have been looking for you literally everywhere.’ chris’ eyes look concerned but his smile is still in full tact.

‘i’ve been talking to people, catching up-‘

‘did something happen? cause you know, you look like you’re gonna kill somebody’ he laughs, his hands leaving my hips and i brush the area off where he touched, holding my head high to hopefully hide the seeving look on my face.

‘just people liking to get up in my business, you know how it is. ‘ i nod, sipping from cup, immediately regretting because actually wtf is in it.

‘okay, well- me and nick were about to leave, we’re just tryna round you and matt up.’ my teeth clench together at the sound of his name.

‘yeah, i don’t know chris. i might go home later, feels like we only just got here!’

‘it’s literally 2am, we’ve been here 4 and half hours already-‘

“come on, chris! when do you ever get to go to a party as big as this? go find a girl or something- give yourself a good time!’ his eyebrows furrow and he shrugs his shoulders.

“i guess so-“

“you gotta get over that bitch ex of yours anyways, perhaps this could be your perfect time.” and with that, he was fully listening. his shoulders now standing upright and his posture as straight as possible.

“you’re right, y/n. oh, look- there’s matt! guess he’s already a step ahead of me and you.”

my head spirals around is quickly, i think i saw stars. big, white, angry shooting stars. the sight of his hands clenching onto her ass, pushing her against a kitchen counter. her dress slowly riding up her thighs, thanks to his legs prying them open.

and with that, something ticks inside me.

i’ve been jealous before. hell i’ve been the most jealous in the room. but have you ever been so jealous that a rack of knives looked appealing and the bat that hangs above the wall in the living room looked handy dandy to do the exact job you needed to?

why was it always the bitchiest of girls who all the guys hate -but apparently not so because she’s tugging on one of their dicks by saturday.

well guess what? two can play at that game, bitch.

i turn around to find a good looking guy, not so attractive that i could become attached but not ugly enough for me to be gagging when i run my hands along his dick.

‘you. come with me.” i gesture, my fingers curving in to lure him into me.

his brows furrow and he scoffs, “why?”

“cause i fucking said so, come with me.” i drag his hand and he turns back to look at this friends with a sudden bright smile.

our hands are clenched together as i pull him through a small crowd towards the kitchen. the urge to instantly jump on him to rile matt up is incredibly overwhelming but desperation isn’t always the best look on me.

my hand reaches for a red cup, filled with what looks like classic punch and i pour it down the sink to fill it up with straight vodka and hand it to him. “drink up, buttercup.”

his eyes widen but he obeys and i watch as he drinks every last sip, my fists clenching from the idea of what’s going on directly behind me.

“ngh’ matt-“ i hear the girl moan and my head twists to see his eyes glaring into mine whilst sucking red marks onto her neck.

i scoff and drag my guy closer to me, all whilst maintaining eye contact to lick a stripe up his neck and shove my right hand up his shirt to feel his torso. the guy did have toned abs, i could feel from how rock hard he was against my fingers but unlucky for him, i was completely and utterly distracted by the guy i hated so fucking much opposite me.

hate so pure that the sound of his name made goosebumps run down my neck and my blood bubble under my skin. my eyes would sting from the gaze of his eyes, my eyelids burning from refusing to shut. it was hate so pure that seeing a girl on his arm made my throat run dry and my words choke. the rings on my fingers digging into my palms and my teeth scratching against one another as i clenched my jaw to see the hickies scattered on his chest.

my tongue caresses the skin of his neck, latching over what i think is his sweet spot, as he moves his hands down my body. i smirk as i see matt latch onto the bitch’s figure tighter, desperate to outweigh whatever i was doing.

i look up at the guy and say, “do whatever you want to me, right here, right now.” his eyes light up and his breath halts slightly.

“but we’re in here with so many people-“

“i don’t care.” my head turning back to look at matt who is still looking at me, a grimacing smile speaking across my face which makes his brows furrow deeper into his skin.

the guy grabs my leg to push it onto his, my front up against him and he latches our mouths together, his tongue immediately creating a space between my lips to enter.

after a solid minute of awkwardly making out in front of what felt like 30 people, a hand pushes my leg down from the guys hip and grabs my hand to pull me away from the crowd.

i’d be stupid if i said i didn’t know it was matt, of course i knew it was him. after all, he knew i had full control over him even if we were just enemies.

sweating bodies collided with mine and i squeeze my body close together to avoid elbows to the face. my heels making me stumble a little, alcohol still running through my system.

i look down to find a step up a winding staircase, a classic LA mansion.

20 steps felt like half a lifetime as matt still desperately drags me up them, whispering incoherent, angry remarks under his breath. until finally he makes it to the top and barges through the first bedroom he sees.

i enter quickly after him, my hand falling to my side as he slams the door behind us. i didn’t have time to react before he pushes my shoulder into the wall behind me, digging his nails into my skin.

his eyes are practically black with anger, his eyebrows fallen to his eyelids yet a disgusting grin on his face. his tongue slides along his teeth, before he spits, ” what the fuck do you think you’re playing at?”

“whatever you’re playing, i mean it’s only fair.” i squeak back, my breath a little taken away from the sudden collide with my back and the brick wall. and of course the incredibly small space between our lips and the fact that our noses are touching.

“that’s not how this works around here.”

“then how does it? you get to go around with every girl in our state and i sit in the background watching?” what was that even supposed to mean?

he removes a hand from my shoulder and shakes his head, “people around here know they can’t touch you. they just know that, sweetheart. i assumed you would too.”

“and you’re allowed to have that bitch all over you? tell me, matt. how is this really fucking fair?” his hand comes up to my throat to clench it, light enough so i’m not choking but hard enough so that i’m gagged, my head lifted up a little.

“because how else am i supposed to get you to fucking take notice that i want you.”

i furrow my eyebrows, i try to speak but he clenches harder and the words don’t form in my mouth.

“every girl i have i imagine it’s you, every time i’m fucking a girl i imagine it’s your pussy im in, i imagine it’s your lips that im sucking on.”

i look dead in his eyes, my lashes blurring my vision slightly, his hooded gaze mesmerising me as i take in his every word

“every mean comment i made and every remark you made back riled me up. i knew it, you knew it, everyone else fucking knew it. im fed up of this bullshit circle we’ve had going on- i need you to see that you’re mine. when i saw you and that bitch in the kitchen, i smiled because i knew i got you. i got you to the point where you fucking admitted to me that im in your brain, you want me just as much as i want you baby.”

his tongue pokes out to lick a strip along my lip, he stands back to look at me in such a vulnerable position. my legs squeezed together in my little black dress and his hand wrapped around my neck as i look up at him with teary eyes and a dumb little smile on my face. it was just all he had ever wanted.

his hand leaves my neck, reaching up to grab my jaw and push my lips against his. a messy, tongue-filled kiss. his tongue sucks onto mine and i moan into his mouth, my legs moving forward to push him backwards.

he hums into the kiss, moving his head to suck on my lips whilst treading towards the bed in which he eventually pulls us onto. my legs scramble to straddle his lap and loop my hands around his neck.

he pulls away to pull the straps of my dress down as i look into his eyes, if somebody had told me two years ago that i was straddling matt’s fucking lap i probably would’ve slapped you around the face.

“do you know how long i’ve wanted you baby?” he says, yanking down my black dress to reveal a lacy, practically see-through bra that pushes up my boobs to accentuate them especially for matt’s eyes.

i shake my head, my hands clasping onto the hairs on the nape of his neck.

“too fucking long.” he rips off my bra, my mouth wide from how easily he broke the fabric, a loud groan leaving his mouth as he launches forward to suck my hard, pointed nipples.

my head thrown back as i grind against his jean pants, desperate to relieve the feeling in between my thighs. the tent of his pants brushing roughly against my region making me pull his head closer into my tits.

he pulls away to stare up at me, already looking a little disheveled, as he chuckles slightly, “you’re so fucking needy, who knew a pretty baby with a mouth as big as yours could be so desperate for my cock?”

i whimper at the sound of his patronising voice, my hips moving faster as he speaks but the loss of the soft pad of his tongue of nipples making my eyes water a little.

he grabs my jaw to force me to look at him, his fore finger and his middle finger squeezing together closely as he pushes them towards my lips. “open up, slut.”

i open my mouth for him and he guides his fingers into my mouth and instinctively i suck on them, my eyes slowly fluttering shut and i hum onto them, wishing it was something else.

the tent underneath me twitching even under all this fabric and the hands looped around his neck untie to slowly run down his torso all the way to the zip on his jeans.

“you want it all don’t you baby? you act so tough but really you’re just a whore for me and my dick. it’s not even been five minutes and you’re already scrambling to undo my pants. that’s it baby, let me use all your pretty parts.” i pull them down to reveal his wet boxers and his huge dick.

this man wasn’t just packing a couple inches, it was enough to bruise the back of my throat and my cervix. my eyes light up as i hold it through the cotton of his underwear, drool begging to leave my mouth.

he leans back slowly, his elbows digging into the plush mattress underneath of us as he guides me closer towards his cock, pushing away stray hairs that curl around the frame of my face.

i pull down his boxers for his dick bounce straight up and hit his stomach, pre cum leaking from his bright red, swollen tip. and i hungrily scramble to grab hold of it, his words replaying in my head, i’m just a whore for him.

my hands smooth the veins along the bottom of his dick, slowly making my way up to kiss his oozing tip and i feel his body shudder underneath me. without a second thought, i shove his tip in my mouth and suck his cum off. my mouth hollows and i move my head up and down, determined to get some noise out of his pretty mouth.

“that’s it pretty girl, just like that- mmm” his head is thrown back and his hands come round to cradle my head, pushing me further onto his dick.

i moan which sends vibrations down his cock, his tip growing in my mouth as i swirl my tongue around it, the gagging sounds echoing in the room, riling matt up more and more.

“fucking take it all baby- oh fuck, i know you can” he winces out, the grip on my hair tightening and i smile against the girth of his dick doing exactly what he says, hollowing my mouth and sucking all the way to his bone. his hips shove up to hit the back of my throat and my eyes flutter shut, the full feeling in my throat overwhelming me.

he guides my head by bobbing my head up and down in time with his hip thrusts, the sounds of my gargling getting progressively louder as he becomes more determined to cum down my throat.

a sudden halt to his erotic sounds, i feel my head being pulled up, a ‘pop’ sound coming from my mouth from the sudden loss of his dick in my throat. he laughs, smoothing my cheek with his thumb before gently slapping it and grabbing my chin so i look at him.

“you gonna let me make you feel good?” i frantically nod my head, the heat between my legs practically burning a hole thru my panties now.

“that’s my girl, you’re mine. aren’t you?” i nod and he tuts, “ use your words.”

“i’m yours.” and that’s all he needed before he picks me up like i’m a fucking feather weighing nothing more than a couple pounds and throws me onto the bed whilst he twists around to stand up off the bed, looking down at me.

“you know it, my little slut.” he pulls down my dress finally, he didn’t get to finish underdressing me cause the idea of finally tasting him was too much. but now that i can feel the cold air hitting the most private of places and his glare blazing up and down my body, i feel shy.

my elbows hover over my boobs as i try and scrunch up a little but matt’s hands pry them away and he spreads my legs before discarding my little black dress on the floor, i’m only left with my matching lace panties.

he licks his lips, his glare fixating on the wet patch created on my underwear, just for him. as he holds my thighs apart, he blows gently onto the fabric making it instantly cold and i shift up the bed a little, whimpering.

“this all for me, baby?” he looks up at me, caressing my thighs gently. the cold metal of his rings making my goosebumps more and more apparent.

“mhm.” my eyes flutter shut and i push against the force of matt’s hands, becoming increasingly desperate for any kind of pressure on my pussy. “please.”

“please what?” he smirks, his touch on my thighs now so light you wouldn’t even believe it was there. it was another level of teasing that made the core of your very stomach fuzzy and the lack of any touch adds to the sick feeling you have.

“just do something, anything.” he snaps when i say that, flipping me around quickly so that my body slaps against the mattress, my ass on full show to him, my thing not doing much too cover my the cheeks of my ass.

“i wanna feel the rush, i wanna taste the crush, i wanna get you going.”

the sharp sting of fabric ripping against my delicate skin and sudden gasp mixed with the breaking of sweet lace makes matt chuckle in the background before placing a harsh slap to my ass, sending me into the air as it was so unexpected.

“you gonna be good for me?” he smooths over where he slapped, secretly wishing it will make a bruise.

“yes, yes i’ll be good.” i beg, wanting literally anything.

as his fingers move closer towards my wetness, he suddenly moves away quickly before getting up and searching the room.

i look up and frown, “what the fuck are you doing?” i whisper a little, upset that he looks like he’s about to leave.

he doesn’t say anything but pauses once he gets to the drawer in the closet and laughs before turning around to reveal a belt.

“what are you doing? this isn’t even your room.” i say, relaxing yet still confused.

he walks over to me and forces my chin up at him, “keep speaking in that bratty fucking tone and i will leave you high and dry”

“well you won’t even let me get high so what effect is that gonna have-“ before i could finish my sentence he covers my mouth with one hand and uses the other to turn me around so my head is shoved into the pillows of the bed. he scrambles to grab my hands, pushing them against my back and fiddling with the belt.

“just you fucking wait and see, little angel.” he twists them around my wrists and tightens them so i can’t get out without any help.

his hands letting going of mine before i feel them suddenly exactly where i need them. a singular finger pressing down onto my bundle of nerves and my whole body jumps with just a simple touch, a pornographic moan leaving my mouth.

“does that feel good baby” i whimper back a desperate ‘yes’ and wriggle against the pad of his finger wanting him to move oh, so badly.

“want me to move my hand, darling?” i nod my head frantically hoping he can see me which i gather he can considering the low laugh that leaves his mouth and the sudden movement of his finger dragging down slowly through my folds.

“you want me here?”

“yes, yes. i want you there. i want you to move.”

“you want me to move?”

“please.”

“there it is.” and with that, the gentle movements turned into quick, hard thrusts. his two fingers sliding through my hole at an insane pace, not letting me readjust for one second, making my whole body lift from the bed, my hands shaking in the belt he tied me up in.

the cold metal of his rings mixing with the warm wetness coating his fingers, the sensation was immense. all before he flips me over and presses his mouth onto my clip sending me into fucking sub space.

“oh my fucking god! matt-“

he licks and kisses at my clit at a gentle pace all while his fingers strum in and out of my hole at an alarming speed, it’s a wonder he doesn’t have arm cramp even after one minute.

my ass doesn’t stay on the bed and my whole body is jittering at the sudden overwhelming sensation. the flicks of his tongue and the curving of his fingers making sure he hits my sweet spots makes the bundle in my stomach tighten up.

“please matt, i’m gonna cum!”

he carries on, his feasting at my pussy getting progressively more intense, like a starved man. he enters another finger into my hole, stretching me perfectly so that i am shaped for him.

he breathes against my heat, “let go, baby.”

and with that, i did. sweat running from my back and forehead, my tied hands desperately grabbing onto the leather and my toes clenching over his shoulders.

he licks me clean, pressing one last kiss to my clit which makes me jolt as he laughs a little to himself seeing my messy figure on the bed.

“you did so well, baby.” i smile at him, his head coming close to mine to kiss my lips.

“now you gonna help me out sweetheart?”

i nod and he turns me around to take me out of the tied belts and he kisses the red marks from where i pulled against the restraint. “you liked these?” i shake my head and he laughs.

i pull myself up from the bed and onto matt’s lap to face him, i latch my lips onto his and hook my hands around his neck pulling him closer to me. my naked body fitting perfectly around his warm body.

he moves his hands down my body, caressing my curves and humming against our kiss as i pull away and look down to stroke his dick to which he kisses and pulls himself into my neck.

i move myself up his body to push myself down onto his hard shaft, as he winces and throws his head backwards, moaning my name.

i pull at his hairs and rock my hips against him and watch his demeanour change as his hips desperately rutt against mine and i forcefully push my hands onto his thighs so that he’s restricted.

“what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he groans as my grinding against him slows.

“taking control.” his eyes widen and i push myself up further so that i can plunge further onto his dick. my nails digging into his thighs as i watch his breathing get faster and moans leave his mouth.

“that’s not - ngh- how it works.” he argues with me which doesn’t last for long when i start to kiss his neck and suck on the lobes of ears in which his thrusts up into me become more persistent.

“i’m gonna cum-“

“not until i cum.” i say, chasing my high with him as i hear him whine into my ear, panting a little too.

“please, just let me.” he hugs me closer, my boobs crushed against his chest as he begins to rocks back and forth with me, moaning and groaning with his head in the air. so much for tough guy, huh?

“cum with me.” i bounce up and down as he thrusts up into me for the last time before releasing his cum, painting my walls as it oozes out of me as i collapse onto the bed next to us.

our heavy breathing and hearts beating is the only thing that can be heard.

matt’s hand slowly moves to bring me closer to him, i smile as i look up at his tired state.

“you changed quickly, mr tough guy to oh please! please, let me cum! “ he shakes his head and covers my mouth.

“shut up, you wouldn’t fucking let me .”

i laugh at him and he picks me up to squeeze me, so much for being enemies, huh?

“so-“

“you’re mine now right? like for real?” he’s not looking at me, rather picking at his nails.

i giggle and press my head against his forehead and nod, “of course.”

hope you all liked !! too many fucking words :)

tags: @wisteral @evieolo @ev3rgreenxtrees @estelleswrld @recklessmatt @recklesssturniolo @realuvrrr @urfavstromboli @obscurechris @poopydroopt @plasticferal @lilasturns @lovingmattysposts @m4ttslvr @mattandmilds @muwapsturniolo @mattsgirlfriendlol @kirby0strombolli @kvtie2 @kikisturnioloo @kqyslyho3 @klarasmith @sturnioloshacker @strniohoeee @sturniolopepsi @sturniolosstar @sturniolossmut @mattslolita @zooweemamas @chrattenthusiast @chrissgirlsstuff @bernardsbendystraws @ducksturniolo @dsturniolo @deatthmatch @fruitglazed @hearts4sturniolo @hawaiihasmyheart @heartsforchrisandmatt @hoesformatt @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @inlovewchris @ihateeveryone357474 @ilovemattsturn @nicksmainbitch @noellesturniolo @yurtrrrr @mattsgirlfriendlol @mattsfaked

[theemporium]

how about💰 with lestappen ?

thank you for requesting!🫶🏽

.

“If it isn’t my favourite customers.”

Charles’ face seemed to light up as you approached their table, as though their eyes hadn’t been on you since the second they entered the yacht club twenty minutes prior. He sat up a little straighter in his seat, everything about his expression soft and endearing as you stood in front of them, dressed in your uniform with your hands politely held in front of you. 

“Finally admitting we are your favourites?” Max questioned, seeming a little less eager than Charles but something in his chest still warmed when your eyes settled on him. 

“You have some tough competition with Mrs Harrison,” you told them, trying to bite back the smile that wanted to grow on your face because you knew if your manager saw, he would have far too much to say. “She tips me well and she tells me how pretty I am. She was even three margaritas deep today when she said she wished I was her daughter. It made me quite emotional actually.”

Charles raised his brows. “That’s our competition?”

“Don’t worry, Charlie, she can’t compete with your looks,” you teased, the words light-hearted and playful, and yet they still made his cheeks turn a light shade of pink. “You two want your usuals?” 

Max nodded, seeing as the other boy was far too flustered to open his mouth. “We always do.”

Because that is what they always did. You didn’t remember when or how long ago the two Formula One drivers started spending time at one of Monaco’s elite yacht clubs, but you were painfully aware of them the second they were on your radar. The way they would always show up together, the way they always ordered the same drinks, the way they always wanted you as their server and no one else. 

They never used the yacht club for the social or networking aspect all the other members used it for. They just used it for you—even if you were blissfully unaware of the fact. They showed up at the club one night on a whim and the next day they were members, they were craving any possibility they could to see you again after the first time they laid eyes on you. 

And you were so, so unaware. 

You were unaware of the status they really held in Monaco, despite knowing they were famous and beloved athletes. You were unaware of the resentment other servers and even your manager held towards you for being favoured by the drivers. You were unaware of their true intentions for their visits and their growing desire to see you. 

“We have something for you,” Charles had said the second you arrived with their drinks, placing them down on the table with the grace of a professional.

Your eyes snapped over to Charles’, already shaking your head. “Not this again—”

“Mon amour,” Charles sighed.

“You guys can’t keep giving me gifts,” you said to them, taking a step back from the table and you felt like you were staring at two wounded puppies when you did. “It’s too much. Far too much.”

“It’s our tip to you,” Max said nonchalantly with a shrug of his shoulders. 

“No, it’s not,” you retorted.

“It is, and it would make us—the club members—extremely happy if you took the tip,” Max countered, a look a little too smug for your liking on his face. 

Because he did this every time, both boys did this every time. They would come in and try to tip you obscene amounts of money that made you feel a bit nauseous. They continued to do so until they realised your manager was taking the tips and splitting the money between the other servers too. So, they got a little more creative on how they spoiled you, on how they took care of you. 

And despite refusing every single time, they always managed to make you crack. 

You glanced over your shoulder warily to make sure your manager wasn’t looking before you faced the boys again, taking the box in Charles’ outstretched hand before carefully opening it. Your lips parted in surprise as you took in the dainty piece of jewellery, so soft and simple and elegant.

You almost felt guilty for touching the necklace. 

“It’s beautiful,” you murmured, almost absent-mindedly as your fingers lightly traced the charm on the chain before you looked at the boys. “I can’t accept this.”

“You have to,” Charles reminded you with a grin. “It’s your tip.” 

“It’s far too much,” you said with a shake of your head as you glanced down at the charm once again, your eyes eager to take in every small detail of the charm. You opened your mouth to say something, only to pause when the light caught some detailing in the charm, 

C.L. M.V. 

“Is that….are those your initials?” You questioned aloud, looking at the charm in confusion before looking at the boys. 

“Hm? No, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Max answered casually in response. 

Your eyes narrowed in suspicion. “It’s your initials. C.L. M.V. How dumb do you think I am?”

“It’s not our names, cherie, it’s a simple coincidence,” Charles said as he waved off your assumption. “It’s just the initials of the brand.” 

“Oh yeah? What’s the brand name then?” You countered. 

“Some fancy Dutch one you would’ve never heard of before,” Max answered quickly. A little too quick to not be suspicious. “We just thought it would look great on you.” 

“And it works with your uniform regulations, so you can wear it on shift,” Charles added with a charming smile, but the rest went unsaid between them. So you can wear our names around your neck, even when other men ogle you.

“I—” But you cut yourself off, knowing that arguing with them was a lost cause and would only catch the attention of your manager. “Thank you, both of you. It’s probably one of the most beautiful gifts I have ever received.”

“It will give us a challenge to top for your next gift then,” Charles teased despite the look you gave him.

“You two are relentless,” you said to them.

Max only grinned wider. “And you love it, schat.”

.

[starrywilliams]

guilty as sin? | abby anderson

“these fatal fantasies giving way to labored breath, taking all of me, we’ve already done it in my head”

warnings: masturbation, slight masochism, ruined orgasm, angst, perv!abby (a little), internalized homophobia (discussed in more detail below)

notes: no surprise my favourite ttpd song is the gayest one on the album, but guilty as sin? screams lesbian guilt i fear!!!! i’ve been writing this for over a month so i hope u guys like it 😭

cw: discussion of lesbian guilt & comphet - these are somewhat based on my own experiences with my sexuality and i absolutely!!! do not think a man can ‘cure’ a lesbian or anything similar to that. nor do i believe anyone should ever feel guilty for being gay. realising i’m a lesbian has been extremely freeing & dykes r the best x

wc: 1.8k

likes, comments + reblogs are greatly appreciated :)

the door slammed harshly behind abby as she stormed into her room. she pulled her jacket off desperately; her skin hot under its tight vice. she’d been in the gym, trying to work out her endless frustration of late, when you’d walked in.

you’d only said “hi" and smiled politely at her before setting your things down. but she felt her stomach churn, a black hole opening inside her. abby stood up, pulling the weights off the barbell and onto their rack. she grunted softly, glancing at you from the corner of her eye.

you’d started stretching, currently bent over as you touched your toes. her eyes drifted for an infinitesimal moment, locking onto the swell of your-. she looked away - wrongwrongwrong.

but then she looked back, her stare feasting on your body. she wondered whether you were doing this on purpose, trying to tempt her from across the room. she wondered if you knew her dirty little secret, abby picturing a smirk on your face as you mocked her for such indecent thoughts.

she didn’t want to feel this way. she didn’t want to feel the poison ivy swarming around her chest, getting tighter, tighter. the rash spread inside her; this invisible whip of lust lashing against her skin whenever your face appeared in her mind. well, had it been just your face maybe she wouldn’t feel like some depraved sinner.

now it wasn’t like abby believed in god, in a world where death and destruction infect every crevice you’d have to be mad to believe that any ‘god’ wanted its followers to suffer so greatly. but something inside her screamed every time she had these thoughts. these impure, twisted thoughts about you.

she didn’t know what made her feel like this. what made her resent you for simply existing; and what made her resent herself.

she recalled her teenage years, when manny had subtly suggested that owen liked her - so she was supposed to like him back, right? and she tried! she loved him even - but there was always that something, that feeling in her gut that told her that something was wrong, something about him that just would never sit right with her.

but all the other girls wanted a boyfriend too, and the jealousy was nice at first - she’d thought. after all, mel was the star student, a doctor in the making, her dad’s favourite; and nora was this freshly trained medical officer, and abby was- abby was just abby.

her dad began noticing her more too - previously too preoccupied with his firefly duties and his favourite student. now his little girl was slipping away from him, he finally began paying her the amount of attention she’d craved for so long.

before, their conversations had often drifted into talk of mel and her new achievements, or his hopes of a vaccine, or some animal he was tracking. never anything about his daughter’s life.

having a boyfriend made her interesting, it gave the other girls something to envy. which was a nice reversal, for a while. then her dad died, and she had become this object of pity. owen helped a bit, she supposed. he tried to distract her and keep her focused on their new role as soldiers, but she barely cared about him anymore. all she wanted was revenge, and with revenge, came you.

you were one of the gyms trainers, passionate about helping the members of the wlf stay fit and healthy! you’d helped her start lifting weights, squealed as she reached every milestone, and had remarked jokingly about just how much you loved her new physique.

it was innocent at first, the most being her brain going a little fuzzy when you’d bit your lip while spotting her; a slight blush when you’d hugged her a little too tight. then, once she and owen were finally broken up, these new pictures began hanging themselves on the walls of her mind. still, innocent, just slightly tainted with desire - the true nature of them still an avoidable matter for her back then.

when she could ignore the truth in her recent behaviour, abby loved spending time with you. after all, you were just really good friends! anyway, she’d had a boyfriend before so everyone knew she was normal, and absolutely not different, and she would never ever have to feel like an outsider.

yet it took a mere three months before she gave up on this foolish lie. she liked you, and as long as nobody ever found out, it wouldn’t matter.

but as her mind grew dark and twisted - joel a constant topic in her head as she obsessed over finally getting to enact revenge - her thoughts got worse in turn. she wanted you - filthily and desperately.

every gym session ended with another cold shower, a desperate plea for her body to stop and let her focus on the task at hand; a hopeless attempt to bury this ache into the ground; an endless endeavour to escape these urges for just one second.

but then she came back changed, every hair on her body endlessly erected with guilt. the way she’d killed him so mercilessly, the way it had done nothing to ease the pain, and the way you had tormented her mind ceaselessly throughout the entire trip.

maybe, had she never met you, she could’ve just killed him and been satisfied. maybe had you never offered to train her personally, she could’ve just stayed comfortable in that stuffy closet. maybe if she found the right man she’d stop feeling this way.

abby deemed such ideas unfathomable now.

owen made her feel nothing. being with him was like an eternal thursday, an endless wait for the week’s end and its pleasure to turn up at her door. every day she’d wait for some spark to arrive, the routine only becoming more and more tedious by the minute. but he helped her get people’s attention, which was enough when she was just abby.

but then she was abby anderson, top scar killer and isaac’s favourite. she got attention on her own, she was praised for her own accomplishments: people worshipped the fucking ground she walked on. but they didn’t know who she really was.

they didn’t know she liked girls the way she was supposed to like boys. she’d seen it in enough of those wlf movie nights - cruel jokes about anyone who even thought about being different. she’d heard the way people gossiped, “did you hear that they’re moving lesbians into the family unit? what a joke.”

they said it like it was something dirty, something egregious, something that she had to hate about herself. so she did.

but as long as she kept it secret, kept it locked away in her mind, maybe she’d be okay. after all, only your actions talk: it was the age old question really, if a tree falls in a forest and no one else hears it, does it make a sound?

abby fell back against her bed sheets, calloused hands pushing her cargos down to her ankles as she replayed the sight of you in her mind. bent over - she felt like you were trying to tempt her on purpose.

she felt like a heathen; staring, fantasizing, worshipping. her mind was bursting with the idea of every possible position she could put you in; head a chorus of every little noise she wanted to hear you make; eyes screwed shut as depravity filled her every sense.

she shoved her bralette up her chest roughly, fingertips dragging over her nipples with little mercy. she pinched them, the peach skin stinging underneath her touch.

she wanted it to hurt; wanted it to feel like some sort of punishment for her thoughts. but as her hips bucked into the air, a long whine dragging from her clenched jaw, she realised it needed to hurt more.

she imagined you, finding her like this. disgust burnt into your features - what the fuck was she doing? repeating your name like some subverted prayer, fingers harshly scratching along her stomach as she tried to make the pleasure feel more like pain, trying to induce some connection between the two.

if it hurt enough, would she stop? force herself to forget? could she torture this part of herself until it surrendered?

her hand slipped over the top of her boxers, a finger running tentatively over her clit through the now darkened fabric. she bit down on her lip, groaning against it as she pushed down harder and harder, attempting to break through the skin.

another finger pressed down, beginning to draw circles down on the throbbing bud. she jolted against her own touch, your head between her legs burning into her mind. your hands, trailing along her flesh - groping at her with little tenderness; tongue, swiping at her pussy with no intent of fulfillment: she wanted you to make her weep, smoke out her lungs with shame, deny her from gratification until all she could feel was regret.

she pulled away, only to cover her fingertips with her spit - diving under her boxers to continue with her corruption. abby let out a strangled sigh, hips grinding against her fingers as they toyed with her clit.

she moved a hand to her hair, knuckles stretching against her scalp as she began to pull her braid. she grunted, yanking even harder. she whispered your name: pained, hopeless.

she sped up her assault against her pussy, feeling that pit in the bottom of her stomach begin to grow. “pleasepleaseplease” her voice cracked as she begged, unsure what she was pleading for.

she wanted to stop, but she needed to try and make this feeling go away. she knew it would come back, it always did - but even five minutes free from your torment on her mind might save her.

her fingers kept going, drawing desperate circles against her weeping pussy relentlessly. the void was growing, almost consuming her entirely at this point. she thought of you laughing at her current state: a crying mess, pussy wet with perversion.

it was sick, really - how the idea of you hating her for this made her need even worse. you’d probably think it appalling: someone who was supposed to be your friend, now sat here burning at the thought of you.

a part of her wished that you shared this sickness. that you too let yourself be overwhelmed by the thought of sin. maybe you didn’t let the guilt swallow you whole - she hoped so.

but there was no point lingering in the what-ifs, they were far too fleeting.

her deft fingers quickened their pace, the ache all consuming. the climb began - a desperate jump towards oblivion. closer, closer. the flames scorched her bedsheets as her breathing hastened.

fuck, she hissed before reaching the apex with a scream of your name. a scream? a whisper? a thought? it didn’t make her actions any less deplorable.

her conscience grabbed pleasure by the throat as she ripped her fingers away, putting out the blaze on her hips like a cigarette crushed on the ground.

the desire imploded within the walls of her torso; scratching against her insides in the vengeance of her denial.

it was wrong; she had to stop it. yet still, the guilt poured into her lungs with no chance of resolve. she was a fool for thinking it would fix her. maybe next time it would work. maybe next time the exorcism would finally purify her.

until next time.

[maybankswhore]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐔𝐏 𝐅𝐎𝐑.

summary: rafe overhears you talking to sarah about your feelings and wants to take care of you.

warnings: mentions of depression and anxiety , rafe eavesdropping , little bit of swearing

You sighed at Sarah’s hand rubbing your back comfortingly as your face hid itself in your hands to hide your puffy eyes and red cheeks. You looked like a mess— and you felt how you looked. Everything just seemed so overwhelming , and there was such much pressure on you from your family. There were so many feelings that you kept inside because you hadn’t wanted to feel like a burden.

“I’m just so tired all the time.” You ranted to Sarah , wiping underneath your eyes with the back of your hand. “I’m always so tired and so , so sad. Nothing seems to make it go away. I always feel this. . . this impending doom over me like something bad’s gonna happen. Like I’m going to fail and disappoint everyone.”

Sarah frowned. She definitely related that feeling and tried her best to figure out the right way to help you. Frowning , you pushed some hair away from your face. “Have you tried talking to Rafe?” Her face twisted up at the mention of her brother , but making sure to quickly wipe it away. Despite her own personal feelings towards him , Sarah knew that Rafe was good to you. The relationship he had with you was probably his only saving grace.

You shook your head at her. “No because Rafe’s not. . .” you struggled to find the right words. “Rafe shouldn’t have to deal with me like this. He already has so much on his own plate that a sad , depressing girlfriend should be the least of his worries. And I know he doesn’t like to see me cry because he feels too bad if he can’t make it stop.” You didn’t resent Rafe for not being the best person to talk to. You knew why he struggled with it and your stress shouldn’t fall onto his shoulders. You’d feel guilty adding on to everything else Rafe dealt with.

“Look I’m not the biggest fan of my brother,” Sarah muttered under her breath. “But I know that he cares about you , Y/N and he would want to be there for you. He’s your boyfriend—” she emphasized. “It’s kinda what he signed up for.”

As you cried , Rafe loomed around Sarah’s door. He didn’t want to eavesdrop , but he couldn’t stop himself from being concerned when he noticed your sniffles floating from the small crack in the door. Rafe wasn’t one to pry too much , too afraid it’d push you away. He felt his chest grow heavy as he listened to you vent to Sarah , hating you felt that way. He wanted to take every negative and sad thing in your brain and pluck it away. Store somewhere impossible to find and never feel again.

Pursing his lips , Rafe sighed as he knocked on the door softly to signal that someone was there. He lightly peaked around it , focusing on you. “Hey , baby. I’m home.” He smiled at you gently , feeling determined to try and be what you needed. Rafe wasn’t good at feelings but he would do anything for you and try again until he did it right.

You plastered on a fake smile when you saw him. Your heart warmed up just a little bit more at your boyfriend , feeling antsy to be in his arms. You mumbled a quick ‘thanks , sar’ before tapping her shoulder to walk out.

She gave you a smile in return , hoping that things would get better for you soon.

Rafe’s arm immediately snaked around your waist and pulled you to him and leading you down the hall. You tried your best to act normal , hoping that it was dark enough to conceal the mess you were sure painted across your face.

He waited until the door of his room closed before speaking. “You were crying.” Rafe’s thumb swiped underneath your cheekbone , a frown on his face.

“I know.” You whispered back. You grabbed his hand and kept it on your cheek , eyes fluttering closed at his touch. “’m was just sad for minute.”

“Sweet baby.” Rafe sighed , being gentle with his touch and words. His eyelashes fluttered against the apples of your cheeks when he leaned in to press a soft kiss to your face. “What’s wrong?”

As if his words were a trigger , tears started falling down your face. You threw your arms around his neck and just cried , shamelessly. You weren’t thinking of sounding stupid or crying in an ugly way. You weren’t embarrassed and you weren’t feeling guilty. You just cried. It felt good to finally feel it and not try and disguise it with other things. It felt good to feel Rafe’s arms tighten around you , the coos of him healing something deeply rooted in your soul.

You just wanted to feel comforted , and loved.

Rafe held you tightly as you did so , rocking you back and forth. The two of you stood there in the middle of the room with the only sound being the way you sobbed loudly in the crook of his neck. You didn’t even know what words could explain how you felt , so you didn’t even bother trying.

“My sweet girl,” Rafe mumbled into your hair. “Lay down with me.”

He easily slid the two of you backwards , quickly kicking off his shoes to get onto the bed. He left the covers tucked , his work clothes on— something he’d never allow any other time. All Rafe cared about was holding you so you didn’t feel so alone.

You let him move you towards the bed. He laid down flat while gripping at your hips , pulling you to straddle him. A sigh of contentment left your lips as you laid down , chest to chest , with your cheek against his cheek. It was so close that you felt the warmth of his breath on the side of your neck , sending shivers down your spine with each exhale. It was suffocatingly close— and just what you needed.

His hands rubbed your back as you calmed down , laying there next to him. The sound of his breathing was like a lullaby , shushing your nerves to sleep as you listened to it carefully. Your breathing pattern began to mimic his and you almost mistaked Rafe Cameron as some sort of drug you were warned about at school assembly’s.

“Thank you.” You breathed , after what seemed like hours of just laying there compared to the minutes it actually was. “I’ve just felt so overwhelmed lately. And everything’s making me sad. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me.” Rafe stopped you , craning his neck down to look at you. He stared into your ears with scrunched brows , a finger to your chin. “Don’t ever apologize to me for that.”

“Okay.” You mumbled back. You grabbed his hand to kiss his thumb.

“It’s what I signed up for.” Rafe breezed it in , hoping you wouldn’t be mad at him. The air becoming light hearted when you rolled your eyes playfully and smacked his chest.

“You’re such a jerk!”

[lanabuckybarnes]

Brats don’t get what they want.

18+ MINORS DNI

(I do not own any photos, credits to original owners)

I’ve been thinking about mob boss’ daughter Reader who is an absolute brat, she’s spoiled rotten and has the attitude to prove it— but, is there a reason why?

Pairing: Bodyguard Bucky x Reader (Princess)

Warnings: Brat Taming, Spanking, Hair pulling, Light Bondage, Degradation, Dacryphilia, Oral (M! Receiving), Face Fucking, Facial, Exhibitionism (?)

Word Count: 1.2k

Any bodyguard her father assigns to her crawls back to him begging to be put on any other job. She was hellish, brutal, arrogant and selfish, and they’d do anything to be far away from her shit storm of an attitude; hell, they’d even take shovelling shit over taking care of his ‘precious little angel’. 

After going through most of her father's men, Bucky is assigned to Princess. She smiles wickedly at him. He’s not as big as the last guy and certainly looks easy to knock down a peg or two. 

Her mind is quickly changed when, after going out to a party and not telling him, she ends up bent over his lap, dress bundled up at her hips, panties on display and her hands tied up all pretty with his tie. His middle finger runs over the gusset, from her sensitive little nub to her slick entrance. 

“My daddy will flip when he finds out ‘bout this” She warns with teeth bared, but she pushes back against the wandering digit anyway, her aching body betraying the fire in her eyes and the words falling from her lips.

He only chuckles, left hand gripping her jaw making her look up at him “Your daddy isn’t gonna know Princess” He smirks before gripping at her hair and pushing her face back down to meet the mattress.

Whatever protest is about to slip from her mouth dies on her tongue when his huge hand spanks her ass hard, the flesh rippling, her body jerking forward in surprise.

She squeals, knees slipping on the sheets when he smacks the spot again, this time gripping at the flesh. 

“You’re gonna count the rest of them for me; aren’t you princess?” He whispered, left arm wrapping around her midsection and massaging the flesh on her hip, teeth poking out under his lips as they curled into a smile at the frantic nods of her head.

Each smack across her ass is unforgiving, as if the resentment from each bodyguard she ever wronged powered the swing of his hand down along the flesh of her cheek.

“Ten” She wails, body rocking forward.

Her ass is raw, painful welts forming along the skin. She sniffles, shaky hands wiping away the tears falling from her eyes, and it almost makes him feel guilty.

Almost. 

“God, you’re fucking soaked, you like being knocked down a peg Princess?” His hand taps on her clothed heat, sending shocks of pleasure up her spine as the tips of his fingers reach her hard little clit. 

She doesn’t respond, too busy in her own headspace. He tuts, fingers carding through her hair and pulling her up until she’s leaning back on her haunches. 

“New rule sweetheart; when I ask you a question, you respond, that clear?” He tugs on the hair in his hand, smirking at her painful whine. 

“Yes!! I like being put in my place...please!” So much for that bratty princess act. In reality, she just wanted a man to treat her like a slut. 

“Mmm good girl” Bucky growled, free hand unbuckling his belt and unzipping his fly.

“You’re gonna suck me real good, then I’ll think about getting you off, alright?” His left hand pushes her cheeks together, puckering her lips and shaking her face. 

She nods, trying to murmur ‘yes’ despite the fingers digging into her soft face, but he gets the message. With a soft pat to her cheek, both of his hands moved away from her, hooking around his slacks and briefs and pushing them to the floor. 

He pushes his shirt up, allowing his length to slap against his stomach; her audible gasp reverberates on the pale walls. He was thick; she couldn’t fit all that in her mouth.

Bucky would make her try. 

He grips the base, holding it for her as she leans down, licking softly over his precum-smeared tip. Bucky shudders out a moan at the feeling. Her teasing mouth had his core tightening in restraint; he didn’t want to push her just yet, but the soft sucks on his head had his resolve wearing thin. 

“You gonna keep teasing me, sweetheart?” Bucky groans, head lulling back as her cheeks hollow out. When her tied hands slinked down to his sack, rolling a thumb along his balls, he broke, his hips jerking up and sinking half his length into her slack mouth.

��Shit! That’s a good girl, hah your sweet fucking mouth - you’ve done this before haven’t you fucking slut…you ever had that fucking throat fucked?” he asked, metal fingers gripping her hair again and pulling her off his length when she didn’t reply. 

“You forgot our rule already?” He snarls, emphasising his words with a spank on her raw ass cheek. She bounced up, a painful whimper falling from her slack mouth when he hit her again.

“Two spanks every time you forget to answer me, the next time you count them” he smiles when she replies with a bubbling ‘yes’ before he bundles her soft locks into a makeshift ponytail and gags her with his length.

Bucky thrust up to meet her awaiting mouth, which she eagerly accepted, not that she could do much else with the way he was all over her. He moaned unabashedly, jerking his length into her mouth until her nose hit his crotch, his head tickling her throat — he stayed there, biting back almost animalistic noises as her throat fluttered around him. He was close, head fuzzy, stomach bubbling and balls twitching. 

She moaned breathlessly. Only when darkness spotted at the corners of her eyes did he let off, allowing her to pull back and slip his fat cock from her mouth. She coughed and sputtered, gasping for air, fingers gripping the sheets of the bed. 

“Aww angel” his hand smoothed over her head “You’re doing a good job, such a good job…be a good little slut and help me finish”. 

His tip rubbed along her parted lips as he jerked himself, his head rolling back again and his jaw dropping as he fucked his fist.

“Hah oh fuck!” He sighed, hand rubbing faster as the muscles in his thighs rippled, clenching and unclenching at the shocks of his impending orgasm. He grasped her hair again, uncaring of just how tight of a grip he had on her, and angled her face just right.

“You ready? You want my fucking cum, Princess? Yeah, you do…mmm…fucking sluts like you…always ready for cum” He rambled, hips arching off the bed as his first wave of cum shot straight up over her nose, dribbling down to her open lips, the rest following the same pattern and decorating her tear-soaked face. 

His hand jerked until he was sure nothing was left. “Ohh princess look at you” he laughed heartily at how pathetic she looked; her entire body shaking with want, her chest heaving and her face covered in hot strings of his spunk, he was sure if he dipped a hand between her legs her panties would’ve been soaked through.

He groaned, leaning behind himself to grasp at his phone. When a bratty little slut like her looked like this; all pathetic, trembling and face soaked - he had to get a photo. The soft shutter noise brought Princess back to reality.

“Wha- no you can't!” she began to plead but he shut her up with a soft kiss, his lips smearing more of his thick cooling semen over her mouth. 

“Relax, it's just for me…now” His fingers expertly undo the knot holding her wrists together, soothing over the hot flesh before pushing her slightly. 

“Get out of here” 

She stumbles, like a deer learning to walk for the first time, eyes wide and mouth agape as she watches Bucky tuck himself back into his briefs. 

“But you said-”

“I know what I said but I don't think you deserve it, now go get cleaned up… and don't you dare fucking think about touching yourself” Bucky's strong voice silenced her protests. 

Princess sniffed as she shuffled out of Bucky’s room; she was so needy it was almost painful. She thought for sure he'd help her, she’d done what he asked.

But Bucky’s sweet little slutty princess would learn that Bucky was not a man she could mess with. He didn't tire quite like the others and he would not stand for her shit. 

-

I would 100% be down for writing more about Princess and Bucky, there’s definitely more to be learned and Bucky is willing to teach. Lemme know what you think :)

I hope you enjoyed x

[the-midnight-in-me]

I am disappointed and kind of scared that the only thing that has gotten better with more daylight hours this year is the suicidal ideation lol

[larluce]

Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU

LINKS TO THE OTHER PARTS OF THIS AU HERE: PARTE 1 , PARTE 2 , PARTE 3, PARTE 4 , PART5 (you're here) , PARTE 6

In "The Beginning of the End"

Morgana: Merlin! I need your help.

Merlin: (worried) What is it?

Morgana: Just come with me (brings Merlin to her chambers and shows him Mordred behind the screen)

Merlin: (Who's been ignoring Mordred's calls for help in his mind on purpose and still hates him to guts for what he did to Arthur in his timeline, trying to remain compose) That's... That's the druid boy.

Morgana: (Who did hear Mordred calls for help and helped him instead) He's injured. If we don't give him medical attention he'll die.

Merlin: (almost histerical) If Uther finds out you've been hiding the druid boy in your chambers you'll die! We'll all die! What were you thinking?!

Morgana: I couldn't just leave him! He's just a child! He's innocent!

Merlin: To Uther he's guilty.

Morgana: And to you he is? He has done no harm. His only crime is having magic. Do you think he deserves to be executed for that?

Merlin: ... No. Of course not.

Morgana: Then help me. Just tend his wound. Please. (puppy eyes)

Merlin: (Still full of resentment to Arthur's future murderer, but loving Morgana too much to deny her anything. Sighs) Alright.

...

Morgana: Arthur. To what do I owe this pleasure?

Arthur: (enters her chambers) Where is him?

Morgana: Who?

Arthur: I know you're hiding him Morgana.

Morgana: I don't know what you're talking about.

Arthur: Well, I need to search your chambers, kings orders. (starts searching)

Morgana: You will not do such a thing! Stop messing up my things!

Arthur: (opens the screen where Merlin and Mordred are hiding) So this is where you've been lazing around.

Merlin: Sorry 😅

Arthur: (To Morgana) You drag him into this, I can't believe you! Do you know the risk you're putting yourself in?

Morgana: Arthur, please! (putting herself between Arthur and Mordred) Don't turn him in. I beg you, he's just a child.

Arthur: (who resents Mordred, not really because he tried to kill him, that part just hurt him, but because Merlin had to make the deal with the sidhes and was turned into a tree due to what Mordred did in his timeline) I'm sorry I have no choice. I can hide your involvement in this. No harm will come to you or Merlin. Now step aside. (Morgana doesn't move) Morgana.

Morgana: You'll have to go throught me first!

Arthur: I'm trying to protect you.

Morgana: If you hand him over, I'll never forgive you.

Arthur: (Conflicted cause he still have mixed feelings about Mordred but doesn't want Morgana to hate him again. Looks at Merlin for answers, but Merlin's avoiding his eyes at all cost)...

Morgana: We can take him out of Camelot, back to his people. He'll be safe there and Uther will stop searching for him eventually.

Arthur: This is treason. If my father finds out-

Morgana: He won't. Not if you help us. Arthur, please. (puppy eyes)

Arthur: (sighs, giving up) We'll have to be careful. And I'm not doing this again, you hear me?

Morgana: (jumps happily and hugs him) Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're going to be a great king one day. I know it!

Arthur: Yeah, yeah whatever 🙄(but he smiles and hugs back)

Merlin: (touched by the scene and very proud of Arthur despite his feelings towards Mordred) I agree. You'll be the greatest king of all.

Arthur: (separating from Morgana's hug and extending his arms at Merlin to which Merlin just looks at him confused) So?

Merlin: So?

Arthur: Where's my gratitude hug?

Merlin: (shocked)... what? 😳

Morgana: (Who already knows something is going on) Oh, don't be shy (pushes Merlin towards Arthur)

Merlin: (wraps his arms around Arthur hesitantly, but Arthur presses Merlin to him instanly and Merlin melts in the hug)

Morgana: (thinking) Awww. Next time I'll just have Merlin seduce him into doing stuff. It'll work faster.

[lionneee]

Little Princess

English is not my first language, please be kind

Masterlist

Taglist

•Warnings: fingerng, masturbation, taking of sexual themes, smut, age difference.•

Previous part <- Current part -> Next part

Modern!Father’s!Best!Friend!Aemond x Fem!Reader

“I trusted you! I trusted you!” Criston shouted as Aemond walked out of the room, his pants back on.

“Criston, calm down…” Aemond sighed as he followed him downstairs.

“You don’t get to talk to me!” He shouted. “You fucked my daughter. In my house! Under my roof!” He kept yelling.

“Not always.” He said without thinking, matter of factly. He saw him fuming.

Maybe he should have shut up.

“Dad…” He saw her getting out of her room as well, dressed back up.

“GO BACK IN YOUR ROOM!” He shouted at her. He saw her gasp and step back, biting her lip and going back to her room.

Always daddy’s girl.

He looked back at Criston, his face calm and relaxed as Cristian’s was red.

“Get. out.” He hissed at him, pointing at the door. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”

“You’re overreacting, Criston, I -“ He stopped as soon as his friend’s fist made contact with his cheek. He grunted for the pain and looked back at him.

“I care for her, Criston.” He looked back at his friend. “You know I do.” Criston laughed bitterly at his words.

“You care for her in a sick, wrong way. You’ve seen her grow up.” He spat. Aemond sighed.

“Yes, and I’ve seen her grow into the beautiful woman she is n-“ This time, he grabbed Criston’s wrist before he could punch him again. “Stop it.” He growled as he looked at him with a hard glare.

“The audacity of yours!” He yelled as he tugged his hand back, freeing himself from his grip. “How dare you talk about my daughter like that?! How could you touch her like that?!” He kept shouting. “Get out of my house! GET OUT!” Criston’s voice only kept raising and Aemond knew there was no point in trying to reason with him, so he just walked to the door, taking a cigarette from his pack in his pocket and lit it once outside.

Your father barely even looked at you. You even cried in front of him, trying to babble some words, trying to explain. But it was like he couldn’t even hear you. 

You felt a disappointment.

You hated being like this with your father. It rarely happened, you two usually never fought, and even if you did, the moment you started sobbing he immediately reassured you, and everything went back to normal.

And even if the first two weeks passed by feeling sorry for your actions, slowly, you started to feel angry, resentful, because he was the reason you felt so empty again.

He always checked your position on your phone when you went to school, and he didn’t let you go out with your friends, not even in the library.

I care for her, Criston.

You heard those words as you pressed your ear to the door the day your father saw you.

He cared for you.

But in what way?

You loved him.

You’ve loved him ever since you could remember.

“Daddy? Is Aemond coming today?” You looked at your father as you hugged his calves. 

“Yes, he could never miss your tea party, could he?” Your father chuckled. Just as you fixed your dolls on the little chairs, you heard the doorbell. You screamed happily and started running to the door as your father opened it.

“Aemond!” You laughed as you ran with your arms open. Aemond smiled and bent down to pick you up in his arms.

“Hey, princess, is my tea ready?” He looked at you as you started playing with his long hair, nodding happily as you tugged at them.

Your first period. On. Your. Birthday.

You groaned as you covered your face with your hands, pressing your face on the mattress to muffle the scream of frustration. You didn’t like the dress you had to wear, you didn’t like your hair, you didn’t like your make of, now ruined by tears, you didn’t like anything.

And you felt guilty for not liking everything, knowing the effort your father put on your 16th birthday party.

It was a silly dinner, just family, then on the weekend you would have a big party with your friends.

You wanted to be swallowed by your bed and never be seen again.

“What’s going on, princess?” You groaned again as you heard your voice. You didn’t want him to see you like this. You didn’t want anyone to see you like this.

“Nothing.” You mumbled against the mattress. Aemond sighed and you felt the mattress crack as he sat beside you. He caressed the back of your head.

“Come on, let me see your face.” He talked softly as he put a hand on your shoulder, pulling you up. You poured as you sat up and looked at him.

“I look ugly. And the dress doesn’t fit me well.”

“Nonsense.” He said as he moved a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“There’s nothing good now! My hair looks terrible, my makeup, me!” You whined as you felt the tears coming back.

“Oh, princess. Don’t talk about you that way. I can fix your hair and you can do your make up again. And that dress is beautiful. You are beautiful, princess.” He smiled as he pulled you up on your feet. “Come on, sit on the vanity. You’ll do your makeup as I fix your hair.” He gently started to work on your hair, braiding them beautifully. You did your makeup again, and you had to admit, it looked pretty good.

“You are beautiful, princess.” He repeated. That was the first time you felt your heart beat so loudly.

Aemond was always there. Always in your life, always helping you even when you were at your worst. Him and your father.

It was your fault if everything went wrong.

“I’m going out for dinner. You stay here, got it?” Your father told you as he stood outside your room. You looked at him and nodded.

“Good.” He walked away, and he didn’t even say goodbye. He just walked out, slamming the door shut. 

“I’m going out for dinner, but Aemond will stay with you, okay kid?” Your father smiled at you as he kissed your forehead. 

“It’s okay, dad. Have a good dinner. He smiled warmly as he nodded at Aemond and walked out.

“So what do you want to do, princess?”

“Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Sure. You can pick.”

Horror or thriller were usually your first pick. They rarely scared you, but you liked the plots. You sighed as you leaned your head on Aemond’s shoulder. You were wearing an oversized shirt and some shirts.

“Bored, princess?” Aemond asked you amused. 

“No, no…” You smiled as Aemond rested his hand on the back of the couch.

“Do you mind?” You asked as you pointed his thighs, wanting to throw your legs over his for a more comfortable position.

“No…. go on.” He said as he shifted on the couch. You looked at him for a moment then you went on to move your legs over his.

“Comfortable enough?” He smiled. You nodded happily. You phone buzzed on the couch and you picked it up to see a message from you… now boyfriend. You pressed your lips together as you looked at it.

«Want to come over tomorrow?»

You had been together for a week, and you still felt uncomfortable when you two kissed. The idea to do more at his house made you even more uncomfortable.

“What is it?” Aemond glanced at your phone, seeing the message his eye hardened.

“Nothing.” You quickly turned off your phone and looked back at the tv.

“Princess.” Aemond sighed. “You’re smart, So don’t do anything stupid, okay? No boy is worth it.” He said as he looked back at the tv too. You nodded, but you didn’t try to continue the conversation.

But… maybe you could ask him?

“Aemond.” You raised your head as you looked at him. she turned his head to look at you, silently encouraging you to keep talking. “How… Did you…” You sighed. “Is it normal to feel uncomfortable? With… couple things.” You bit your lip as you saw his eye widening and hardening.

“Well, it depends, princess.” He started. “What did you do?” You blushed a bit as you started playing with your shirt and looked down.

“We just… kissed.” You said blushing. Aemond sighed and put his hand on your thigh.

“Do you like this boy?”

“He’s fine… He’s cute. He gives me attention.”

“But do you like him?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, then it should be… yeah, embarrassing the first times, like the first days? But then it should be about passion, you know?” He smiled slightly. “About… wanting to be with that person all the time, kiss them all the time.” He leaned his head down, trying to catch a glimpse of your eyes.

It wasn’t like that for you. It was embarrassing and… even stressful. You kept thinking about trying to be perfect with him.

"So... not stressful or embarrassing? After a week?"

"No... no, princess. It shouldn't be that way. It should be about feeling more comfortable with someone... about letting go. You know?

When you like someone, you shouldn't feel that way." Aemond said gently as he gently stroked your thigh with his thumb.

"So how should it feel?" You looked up at him, your cheeks red, but there was curiosity in your eyes.

"It should be... warm and fuzzy, you know?" He smiled. "It should make your heart beat faster every time you see him. You should feel comfortable, even when you're doing something new." He sighed. "You don't feel any of this, princess?"

"I feel agitated. Like for a test, and so have to be perfect."

Aemond chuckled slightly and leaned his shoulder against the couch. "Princess, you don't have to be perfect when it comes to this stuff, you just... let go and enjoy yourself."

"But... how do I let go?"

"It's simple, princess." Aemond smiled as he moved his hand from your thigh to your cheek, gently caressing it with his thumb.

"You trust them enough to let go. You trust them enough to know they won't judge you and that they will like you all the same, or more."

"And... there has to be passion?"

"Of course. It's a connection that comes from both, you and the person you're doing this with." He looked in your eyes, his face closer to yours now. "You can feel the desire, the need to be touch, to be close to each other..."

"A connection... desire..." You repeated as you nodded

"You should feel the want to feel their body with your body..." His tone went a bit huskier as he got closer to you. "To get to know them entirely. On every level... body, mind, thoughts... everything."

"To be with them, all the time?"

"All the time." He slowly moved closer until he was hovering over you. "To want them as much as you need air to breathe."

"To can't wait to see them..." You looked at him in the eye

"To lose interest in everything else when they're not near." He looked at your lips then to your eyes. "To crave them constantly. To need your lips on their skin, their lips on yours... skin on skin."

"To... kiss them all the time..." I whisper

"Yes... To want to taste their lips, to feel their hands on your hips... their tongue on your skin." He lowered his head towards you. "to want... to be as close to them as possible."

"To live in a bubble with them, and them alo-

"You stopped yourself and breathed in deeply as you felt Aemond's forehead against yours, his breath brushing your face as your lips mere inches apart.

"Mmm... just them. Always them." He whispered as he gently slid his hand to your hip, gently squeezing it. "There's no one else, princess. Just you and that person. No one to judge, no one to worry about." It was clear he wasn't talking about your boyfriend.

"I want to feel it." You bit your lower lip, looking at him with pleading eyes.

You really did, you wanted to know what it meant to really like someone. You felt at ease with Aemond. You were always happy to see him, and could barely wait when he came to your house. You loved spending time with him, you never felt judged, only understanded and cared for.

Aemond passed his thumb over your lips.

“Oh, princess…” He whispered as his own breathing got heavier. “You know I can’t make you feel like that.” You cried out at his words and grabbed his shirt with both your hands, leaning closer, your eyes shut.

“Please.” You whined. “I want to know what it feels like. I think you make me feel like that…” You didn’t know if to feel offended by Aemond's chuckle.

“You’ll find the right one, princess. But that’s not me.” He pulled away and leaned back on the couch, passing his hand through his hair. You looked at him, disappointed.

“You’ll see.” He added as he looked away from you.

Did he ever even like you? Other than for a fuck. You believed he cared for you, but you weren’t sure he felt more than that. What you felt was deeper. 

You crawled in bed and curled up, hiding under the blankets.

Did you ruin everything only for some sex?

You sobbed as you pressed your pillow on your face.

You destroyed a friendship.

You hurt your father.

You sobbed louder.

Your father. The one who took care of you every moment of his life, loved you, trusted you.

Just for some good sex.

Because that’s what you were for Aemond?

He cared for you.

Well, you loved him, and that was eating you inside.

The feeling of his hands on your skin, making you burn for him. The way he kissed you like he owned you. The way he filled you like he couldn’t be apart from you.

You tightened your hand on the pillow as you slowly moved your other hand under your shorts, under your underwear.

You slowly brushed your fingers over your clit.

“Let’s see how I can make you squirm.” He smiled as he looked down at you.

You started rubbing your pearl a bit faster, avoiding your entrance to not feel the disappointment of the thinnest of your fingers. 

“How many times you think I’ll make you come like this today, uh princess?” He grinned as he looked at you squirming and crying out as he pumped his fingers inside you ferociously, making it impossible for you to be still. “Three? Maybe four. Or seven. Ten?” He chuckled as you cried loudly.

You tried to muffle a moan in the pillow as you started breathing heavily, your hips jerking on your fingers. You started rubbing on your clit faster, pressing slightly more, just like he did.

But it didn’t feel the same. 

You groaned in annoyance as you tried to focus on your pleasure, not in the lack of his touch.

“What is it, princess, can’t even make you come on your own?” You could hear his chuckle. “You miss me that much?” 

You groaned as you pulled your hand out of your panties.

“Fuck you!” You yelled at the air.

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