#i don’t Think i’m hallucinating because i don’t really do that when i’m fully awake and not sick

[fingertipsmp3]

Hi yes for the love of god hello. Why the fuck can I hear bees or wasps or some other sort of buzzing insect, either in my walls or in my neighbour’s living room, in January

[little-pocket-medic]

i’m in my room, absentmindedly doodling and thinking to myself.

it’s been a week or so on base since our sunrise hike together. i’ve been thinking long and hard about our little medic. it’s not like i have a choice- he occupies my mind every second i’m awake. he’s just so… i don’t even know. cute? certainly- he’s three inches tall. endearing? absolutely. attractive? yeah, definitely.

okay, jeez, fine…. i might have a little tiny crush on the little tiny medic.

i feel bad for him. it’s got to suck, being so tiny, unable to help in battle, feeling useless. i’m not sure how long he’s been like this, and god knows how long it’ll last. what if he stays this small forever? what if i can’t ever fully hug him, or kiss him… or anything more?

gosh, why am i thinking like i’m already dating the guy!? i haven’t even confessed to him for god’s sake!

i’ll go do that right now. yeah, that’s a great idea. just can’t chicken out. i got this. here goes.

but what if i get too nervous!?

i tap my pencil against my chin. i think i have an idea.

i walk to the infirmary on shaky legs. opening the door, i see medic standing on a nearby worktable tinkering with something. he’s holding a screwdriver as big as his body, wheezing a little as he tries to turn it. it’s clearly not going very well, and as much as he seems irritated at the effort, i can’t help but think he looks pretty fine while he’s doing it.

h- hey doc! need help?

he glances at me, looking somewhere between indignant that i implied he needs help and relief that he can stop straining his aching back. he grudgingly lets me take the tool, and i affectionately pet the top of his head with a fingertip. i don’t see him let others touch him often, and i’m pretty honored that he seems comfortable around me.

i help him screw the device together- it vaguely resembles a tiny version of engie’s teleporters- and set the screwdriver on the table beside him. he sits on it like it’s a log at a campfire.

listen, doc, i- uh- wanted to give ya this. open it after i go back to my room, okay?

i hand him a folded-up sheet of paper that looks like a scrap in my hands and a phone book in his. he doesn’t know it yet, but written on it in the smallest handwriting i could muster is:

hey doc.

i just wanted to say, well, i really like you. like, in a more-than-friends way. i wrote it in a note ‘cause i knew i’d either pass out on the floor or chicken out of telling you.

i know you ain’t had that much luck in the love department, so it’s fine with me if you say no. just thought i’d let you know, you’re super cool, and really handsome, and if you wanted to go on a date with me sometime, i think that’d be swell.

sincerely,

🫀anon

P.S. beer’s on me!

P.P.S. you can talk about birds all you want!

TW: Sexual topics talked about very lightly and in no detail. Medication also mentioned.

Medics mind wanders as he attempts to screw in something with a normal sized screwdriver.

His back ached. Normally he could take some sort of pain reliever, but at the size he was, those dosages would kill him. So he didn't have much of a choice.

Suffering from his medication withdrawal wasn't fun, either. Like many other of the mercs, Medic had to take things to help control his mood/emotions. Pyro with their hallucinations, Scout with his ADHD....

He shook his head. He didn't want to think right now. He didn't want to work right now. But he had to. So he did.

Scout makes his way into the Medbay. Medic grumbles. What does he need? He can't do much for him at the moment.

As he asks Medic if he needs help, he frowns. He's over twice his age. He didn't need help from-

He grunted. His back popped, and he dropped the screwdriver. When Scout reaches over to grab it, he doesn't stop him.

He's surprised by the small pet. He blushes a little, mostly out of embarrassment, and gives scout a confused look. He doesn't seem to notice however.

Scout had been more affectionate towards him recently. Is it because he was small? Easier to handle? He crossed his arms. He didn't like feeling weak.

Once Scout sets the screwdriver back down, Medic goes to sit on it. The sitting definitely helped his aching back, but he tried not to show it.

He wasn't old. Not yet anyway.

Medic gives a confused look as he's offered the small paper. He hums, giving a nod as Scout leaves.

He can only assume it has something to do with his hormone treatment. Scout always got nervous about that; like anyone there would judge him. Half the team was fruitier then a berry garden- and Medic himself was also trans- but he didn't comment on it. If it made him more comfortable, he supposed.

He carefully folded the note, holding it open in his small, gloved hands. As his eyes went back and forth on the words, a small blush grew on his face.

His immediate reaction was that Demoman owed him 100 dollars now. They'd made a bet on whether or not Scout had some fruit in him. Demoman was convinced he didnt- afterall he was always after Miss Pauling. But Medic knew. At least, officially now. (I mean, look at him. /silly)

The next feeling was confusion. Medic couldn't exactly have normal sex right now. If that's what Scout wanted, he should've waited until this whole ordeal was over. He would be fine with a hookup with any member of the team, really, Scout included.

Did he want...like... not sex? If that was the case, he was even more confused. The majority of the time, his relations were purely sexual. Medic had a hard time in the past with romance, and swore off it years ago (much to some of the teams dismay).

He set the paper down next to him and scratched his chin. The majority of the time, he had a plan for everything, or the way of coming up with one in an instant- but this?...

...he drew a blank.

Medic looked over to the door Scout walked out of. He needed a nap.

[cdyssey]

Yellowjackets 2.07 Reactions

CW: Baby Death Discussion/Grief; Suicide Mentions/Attempts; Cannibalism; Cancer

I couldn’t make it thirty effing seconds into this episode without tearing up at these girls staring awake into the darkness, all shattered with grief. Taissa’s right next to Shauna. Of course she is. And Lottie’s right there too.

Oh, my God. She’s still holding the baby.

Her absolute silence. The way she refuses water. Her shrugging off every attempt that Tai makes to comfort her. My heart fucking aches for her.

And she has to bury that wrenchingly small bundle under rocks because the ground isn’t thawed enough for a proper burial. I wanna note here that it was so respectful of the show not to show the baby’s body. We didn’t have to see it to know how tiny and tragic that it was.

“It’s you and me against the whole world.” Goddammit. Because she died with the baby. Literally.

Oh??? A very muted version of the title song?

“I’m sorry, have you two joined a cult since we last saw you, or… / “We are an intentional community. / “What is the intention exactly?” KQQMKQOQJEDIDJSJDJ.

The fucking euphoria I feel at seeing all six adults together.

Nat admitting to the suicide attempt. Shauna’s horrified, “Oh, my God.” Taissa’s broken expression. They love her.

Tai, crying: “I really thought he was going to make it.” I’m so fucked up about these girls.

“But even if the baby made it… for a while… it wouldn’t change the fact that his mother is starving. We all are. I just think it’s time we woke up.” Heartbreaking and so correct. Heartbreaking because its correct.

“That doesn’t sound like you.” And it doesn’t. Van has always been a believer between her and Tai, and even in the group as a whole, but now she’s lost that faith.

“You helped me hear… see… sleep… and I would be dead without you. I need you, Van.” I’m so fucked up. Like, not even five minutes into this episode, I have teared up multiple times.

Natalie being all in for her girlfriend’s wellness remedies AMDMFJSNSNSN.

“All my rational instincts are just kind of, uh, screaming.” SNDNWND. Babygirl chooses self-care. <3 She needs it. She’s been doing hard work this season threatening to skin people and covering up murders.

BABY GOAT!!!

SHAUNA JUST IMMEDIATELY CONVINCED SHE HAS TO SACRIFICE THE GOAT. HELP ME

Bruce, the goat, ily. And it has not escaped my notice that the goat is a boy, and he’s brown, the same color as that horribly small bundle.

Ben is goddamn losing it. The hallucination of Paul is voicing Ben’s greatest insecurity—that he no longer has a place in the cabin. “It’s just time. We all love you, Ben.”

“Um, I would hate for my bladder to guide me into peeing in that thing.” NADIFNSNDNS. Misty’s reluctance to engage with therapies is notable.

LMAO @ HER SNEAKING AWAY. She said, “Nope. Ur not making me confront my deepest traumas today, bestie.”

Misty overhears the girls praising her, and it’s an echo of that moment before she smashes the black box.

MARI ACCUSING HER OF KILLING CRYSTAL. GIRL, MISTY IS GONNA MAKE SURE YOU’RE PITTED.

Misty putting on a performance about looking for “Crystal,” and here’s another parallel—some of Kristen’s last words to Misty were denigrating her for being a bad actor.

“It gave us what we wanted. Shauna lived.” And Lottie’s right here. When Mari prayed to the wilderness last week, she prayed for Shauna alone.

The shot of the girls and Travis holding hands is reminiscent of a team huddle up. 😭

HELP ME WKDNDNDNSND. The girls are, like, well, if she is dead, that, uh, doesn’t entirely suck for us. <3 (I’m sorry. I don’t know which one is Gen and which one is Melissa yet.)

But on a more serious note, this is an interesting beat because it shows that cannibalism in the cabin is not just a “trance-like survival tactic” anymore. It’s something that can be indirectly alluded to when everyone is fully aware of themselves. (We got an inkling of this earlier when Misty and Kristen were discussing Jackie bone broth.)

All that fucking blood. Shauna’s blood.

This Lottie and Tai conversation is so fascinating to me. They’re the two individuals who have had the most interaction with the supernatural—which makes them peers—but the ways they approach their abilities are drastically different. Embrace versus repression. And it’s something we see in their adult selves too.

Adult Tai actually going to Lottie for help about her sleepwalking.

“I need help.” Taissa Turner admitting this is so huge.

“She just doesn’t want to be suppressed. She’s still a part of you, Tai. She will always be a part of you.” Hhhhhhhhhghhhhhhhhhh.

Shauna nearly on the verge of crying in the woods, disassociating and lost.

SHE LOST HER GOAT.

SHAUNAMISTY RISE!!!!

Misty hoarding food is such a good detail. It makes sense after the woods.

“Why did I give one single shit about this goat when Lottie’s goons are just gonna make me kill him?” 😭 MY POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW IS SO CONVINCED THAT SHE HAS TO KILL THIS GOAT.

have you guys clocked that I’m insane about shauna yet

“Hey, newsflash. I am the only person who took your killing with the seriousness that it required.” YEAH, TELL HER, MISTY!! AND SHE DIDN’T EVEN LISTEN TO YOUR COOKIE ADVICE QOWKDJDNS

“Well, you’re not that innocent either.” / “I know that, Misty. Do you think I don’t know that?” Shauna utterly hates herself, but listen, yeah? They all fucking do. Each and every one of the Yellowjackets.

Shauna is mothering this goat.

“If you think I’m gonna carry you all day, you are delusional, as well as dumb.” ANWKQNDNESN, Melanie Lynskey, I fucking love you.

“I’m not gonna let them eat you, Kristen.” OH, I FUCKING LOVE THIS. YEAH. Sure, Misty may have 100% caused her death, lmao, but she’ll be damned if she lets Kristen be eaten. And I love that she calls Kristen by her real name too, keeping that knowledge alive, even within herself.

The contrast between Shauna/Jackie and Misty/Kristen is big here. Shauna desperately needing to consume Jackie and granting the others the permission to do so too vs. Misty actually kinda being normal for once about what is owed to a body.

Shauna is back in the Jackie shed, and she’s staring at the corner where her body used to be. OH, GOD. SHE’S CALLING OUT FOR JACKIE.

“Jackie, I really need you right now. Please?” SHE’S SO ALONE, AND LOSING THAT BABY IS TIED UP WITH LOSING JACKIE, AND I’M FUCKING UPSET. Those sobs are guttural.

And Jackie won’t come back and haunt her when Shauna calls. Goddamn.

“The kid’s care is entwined with your own.” That’s such a triggering phrase for Shauna and you can see it in her eyes.

“Because it is one thing if I stab this goat later, but there’s no fucking way that it’s dying while I’m supposed to be watching it. So someone is going to make sure this goat is okay. Right now.” She couldn’t save her baby in the woods, but goddamn, she can save this goat.

The tears in Shauna’s eyes as she talks to Lottie. This is all about motherhood to her. This entire season, from the past to the present, has been.

“I’m not gonna kill this fucking goat, okay? Fuck you!” EKWMDNEND

“Wait. Really? I really don’t?” The fucking break in her voice, all the spiraling cracks. Melanie Lynskey is making me cry over a GOAT.

“Oh, Bruce.” AND SHE SOBS.

“I find it gives a person clarity to have to care for something so innocent.” God, God, God, and Lottie knows the significance of that to Shauna specifically.

“I’m not crying about the goat. I don’t really know, um, what’s happening right now. Um, I think it’s just that I’ve always kept my daughter, you know, Callie, like, at arm’s length. I think just out of fear that she would… die, I guess. Or maybe that she was never even real to begin with. I don’t know. I try to tell myself it’s okay. That I’m safe to… to think of her as-as mine, you know, and to just be her mom. But I think something is broken, Lottie. I just can’t do it.”

I’m so fucking unwell about this. I think I’m gonna do a fuller write-up on this moment later, so for now, God, Melanie Fucking Lynskey. And also, that she has this breakdown to Lottie is powerful. In the past, she’s hated Lottie, hated her for trying to encroach on her baby, hated her for becoming their shaman, but here, she confides in her with this terrible pain about motherhood that she’s been keeping inside.

Ahhhh, just a little bit of self-promotion here, but in my Shauna + Callie fic, I was thinking a lot about Shauna’s relationship with motherhood: “But goodness has never come naturally to Shauna, and motherhood is a gaping wound that won’t ever stop bleeding. (A placenta on the dirty floor. So much red, streaming out of her, simply pouring. Don’t you hear him cry? Why can’t you hear him?)” And I think the crux of that, which holds true in this scene, is the fundamental idea that motherhood continually hurts Shauna, and it always goes back to those woods.

CALIGULA AWNIQOWJWKWKWIDJWJDJS.

“OF ANY MOTHERFUCKER WHO GETS IN YOUR WAY.”

THIS IS FUCKING SUBLIME.

GOD, THIS IS WKWKEJWNSJEJKEJD. HELP ME????

“Caligula, when people look at me, do they just see someone desperate for love? Just some murderer?” GOD, THESE TWO QUESTIONS PAIRED NEXT TO EACH OTHER. Desperate love and murder being synonymous with each other.

“How many times did you get the ball over the goal line? Take it from a bird named after a Roman emperor who was also unjustly accused of heinous acts.” SOBBING WKWKKSNWOQOWIEJD

“You are not a murderer, Misty!” HELP ME WOWKWKWKDJWIIEKDJSNSJDJDJD

MISTY’S SUBCONSCIOUS IS REALLY LIKE, “Haha, bestie. You’re soooooo well!! There’s nothing wrong with you at all!!”

Elijah Wood is having the time of his goddamn life aawkdjdjdnwj.

That was so fucking funny. I have no words.

MISTY, THIS VOICEMAIL DKWNDNEN. IT CAN BE TAKEN AS A MURDER CONFESSION.

The human manifestation of her bird named after a Roman emperor was so right. She. Is. Perfectly. Okay. <3

Misty can’t find Kristen’s fucking body. Hhhhh. It isn’t at the bottom of shit cliff anymore. 😭

God. Ben.

He’s been so isolated all season; he feels like that this is his way out.

“Could you just push me off?” So fucking fucked up, but it tracks with what has been going on in his psyche, as well as in the flashbacks with Paul. Ben’s defined by his emotional paralysis and fear. So he’s not acted and just accepted the consequences that come from that. And this is another way of doing that. If he jumps, that’s making an active decision, and that’s fundamentally not what this man does. But if Misty pushes him, it’s just another action that he’s the recipient of and not the doer.

“… if you kill yourself right now, we will eat you.” Jesus fucking Christ. She states it as a fact. It is a fact. The cabin has reached this point.

MISTY TRYING TO FUCKING BLACKMAIL HIM TO KEEP HIM ALIVE. GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD

“I tried so hard to keep the baby alive. I really did.” I’M SO FUCKING UPSET. THE SAME CLIFF WHERE KRISTEN DIED.

Oh, thank GOD, he stepped back. I could not handle losing Coach Ben today.

Tai taking off her wedding ring. Girl ANJQNDNQNWNDNWNSNWNW, you’re such a fail wife.

“I just can’t believe I’m back here again.” / “Making offerings to the dirt.” Man, the wedding ring as an offering.

TAIVAN KISS YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

But then they both pull back, Tai apologizing profusely.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

NO

FUCK OFF SHOW NO

NO

NOT MY VAN

NOT MY FUCKING CONSUMMATE SURVIVOR, WHO LIVED THROUGH A PLANE BURNING AND A WOLF ATTACK AND THE WILDERNESS.

NO

I have actual goddamn tears running down my face again. What the fuck is wrong with this show

“Van, what are you telling me?” Van has told her every which way but directly. Taissa can’t accept it unless she hears it.

“I have… months.” I’m sick actually. I’m so sick.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Van. You’re just deciding to tell me now?” Taissa’s first reaction is anger. She lashes out, so goddamn terrified.

And between this and her breaking down to Van a few episodes ago, this is the most emotionally invested we’ve seen Taissa. Her life with Simone and Sammy aren’t real to her—as she’d explained to Shauna last season.

But this is real to her.

Van is real to her.

“This is what it wants—us to be together.” Yeah, me too, Lottie.

“We hurt each other. People died.” God, God, God. They hurt each other. They loved each other. They ate each other. They loved each other.

THE FUCKING ANTLER QUEEN. THIS IS SO FREAKY.

“Does a hunt that has no violence feed anyone?” OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD??????

OH THE THERAPIST ISN’T FUCKING REAL

OH MY GOD

DOES A HUNT THAT HAS NO VIOLENCE FEED ANYONE???????

Van tapping Misty with the bottle. Misty’s being included in the girl circle 😭

TNENFNEND, Shauna taking a huge, ‘ole swig and Taissa smirking at her.

“From Van.” / “Oh, you narc.” AKKQWKJERN

Oh, God. The women are being utterly careless with Nat. Shauna telling her that they should just hang out. Van offering the bottle.

“I lost my goat, but I found him again.” MAQMQKKWKQJEJRNRNEJEJFIEEFEIE

FLORENCE FLORENCE FLORENCW

“I think you should all go home.” Lottie has realized that it’s dangerous that they’re together again.

And the women are like FUCK YOU!! WE BELONG TOGETHER. I LOVE THESE WOMEN

Every time I look at Van now, I wanna cry.

“I think it might be time for you to stop resisting.” This line just made it into 20 new fanfics. <33

LOOK AT MY FAIL WOMEN BEING HAPPY. I KNOW IT’S NOT GONNA END WELL, BUT THEY ALL LOVE EACH OTHER SM. THEY’RE HOME.

THIS FLORENCE SONG.

THEY’RE FREE.

LOTTIENAT GODDAMN CHEEK KISS.

Now they’re having girl talk. 😭

“Does he know?” AAaWjejfuwjjwsj

“He doesn’t have a job, job. He’s dedicated to his passionate pursuit of knowledge.” / “Nice, so where does he go to prison?” ANqKQKWIWWOWJDJS. Van and Tai making little asshole asides is so good, lmao. They do that in the cabin too.

“Well, he wasn’t goth when we fucked.” HELP MEEEEEEEEE. HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

“Was she watching some parts?” WKNWWNQKMWDNWJNEND

I could watch 60 minutes of these women talking like this, lovingly taking the piss out of each other and ignoring all their extensive trauma. <3

Most of the women don’t want to revisit the woods. It’s too hard of a wound for them.

… all of the girls having hazy memories. They know they’ve fucked up; it’s harrowing that they don’t remember the specifics of how.

“Well, if I’m, um repressing things I don’t know about, I am very okay with never figuring it out.” Jesus fucking Christ, that delivery was so sad.

“I mean, compulsive behavior, addiction, disease.” And Van stands up and walks away. She’s more than familiar with what Lottie is saying.

LOTTIE CALLING NAT MADAMMMMMM!!!!!

“Lightning crashes, a new mother cries…” GOD, WHAT A LINE.

VANSHAUNA DANCING!!!

SHAUNA IS FUCKING WEARING JACKIE’S BUTTERFLY SHIRT. I’M SICK. THAT IS SO SICK.

SHAUNA THROWING A PUNCH.

THE GIRLS EXCITED AT SNOW.

“YOU KILLED MY FUCKING BABY.” / GOD GOD GOD.

AND IT’S LIKE, YOU HAVE TO PAIR THAT WITH MISTY’S BREAKDOWN WITH BEN. SHE TRIED EVERYTHING TO SAVE THAT BABY.

“You all fucking ate my baby!” / Shauna can no longer discern reality from a dream. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK.

LOTTIE STEPPING IN.

LETTING HERSELF BE THE MARTYR.

THE WOMEN HOWLING. THEY’RE PRIMAL. THEY’RE A PACK. THEY’RE WILD. THEY’RE TOGETHER.

“Travis, take Javi to the bedroom.” 😭😭😭😭😭

LETTING HERSELF BE THE WILLING MARTYR.

“Shauna, we need you. Let it out.” MY FUCKING GOD

IT GOES BACK TO THE STEEL MAGNOLIA MONOLOGUE. SHAUNA WANTS TO MAKE SOMEONE FEEL AS BAD AS SHE DOES.

ALL THE GIRLS JUST FUCKING STANDING THERE AND LETTING IT HAPPEN. THEY WON’T INTERFERE. THIS IS RITUAL VIOLENCE.

THE CUTS BETWEEN THE WOMEN BEING SO HAPPY AND THIS SCENE.

LOTTIENAT HOMOEROTIC DANCING.

LOTTIESHAUNA DANCING TOGETHER IN THE PRESENT, AND SHAUNA JUST FUCKING KILLING HER IN THE PAST!!!

LOTTIE IS BARELY RECOGNIZABLE

LOTTIE SHAUNA ADULT HUG. I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T

“Is Callie okay?” Shauna’s immediate goddamn fear when she hears urgent is that her daughter is hurt.

THE FUCKING TORSO.

GODDAMN IT. YES THE TORSO WAS IMPORTANT

MORE FLORENCE YEAH!!

THAT PROMO. WHAT THE FUCK

MARI BACKING AWAY IN FEAR?????

[efingart]

Just What I Needed - Chapter 24

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Frank Woods x CoD Bell

Woods rounded the corner quickly, his hand pressing into the banister as he propelled himself upward. Just ahead, Mason was taking each step two at a time.

“Fuck she’s fast! Was she always this fast?!” Mason exclaimed.

Woods didn’t respond. He was still in pain from the kick Bell had given him in the shoulder. It had come out of nowhere.

When he and Mason had brought her back to the apartment, she had been completely unconscious. Then he came back to her room, and she took him by surprise. Fully awake and ready for a fight.

At some point, she was on the ground, and her foot had landed square in the middle of his bad shoulder. If he hadn’t known better, he would have taken it personally. Just a lucky strike, he had to guess. Had to hope. Woods hadn’t had time to dwell on it because she had taken off running.

She was heading up the stairs before he knew it. Why up was anyone’s guess. It didn’t really matter. They just had to get to her before she did anything stupid. Likely she was hallucinating and thought she was somewhere else. Things could get dangerous real fast.

When he reached the top of the stairs, he found Mason there catching his breath at the door.

“Look,” Mason said, “She’s probably hallucinating. I don’t want to startle her. Hell, she might not even be able to see us.”

“Oh, she definitely could see me,” Woods said, thinking about the pain in his shoulder.

“Mason gently pushed the door open. Bell was standing only a few feet away. Her back was to the roof ledge. Hands in the air, she looked like she was talking to someone. Trying to stop them from doing something. But no one was there.

“Mason held up a hand telling Woods to stay back as he carefully approached Bell. She didn’t seem to notice him. Her gaze was fixed in front of her. The wind began to pick up, and her hair swirled around her. She didn’t seem to notice that either.

“-did everything you asked of me!” Bell wailed.

He didn’t have to wonder who she thought she was talking to. Adler. He had always had the impression that she hadn’t had time to negotiate with him. Beg for her life. That Adler just shot her, maybe even in the back. But he had faced her. After all the shit he put her through, he actually looked Bell in the eye and did it. 


“Bell," Mason said as he approached cautiously, "Adler's not here.”

Bell blinked. She turned her head slowly to look at Mason, still holding one hand up to keep the Adler, who wasn’t there, at bay. The other hand, she used to hold Mason back. But she stared at him as if he had materialized out of nowhere.

“He’s not real, Bell. I know-“

“Fuck you!” Bell exclaimed. She looked between Mason and the empty space where she likely thought Adler was standing. In a quieter voice that Woods could barely hear over the wind, she added, “You’re the reason why I’m like this.”

“He couldn’t tell who it was directed to, Adler or Mason. But then he realized Bell was staring hard at him.

Did she think he was someone else?

Bell took a step back. Even though she wasn't near the ledge, Woods knew she could bolt at any time. And if she didn’t realize where she was, she might end up accidentally propelling herself off the roof.

“Bell," Mason started again, "Even if you don't trust me. Just look around. There are always gaps where reality slips through. It's hard. It's fucking overwhelming-“

“Shut up," Bell choked out. Her voice was strained, breaking. Woods was too far to see, but he had a sense she might be crying.

“You think I’m an idiot?” Bell continued, “Maybe you were able to fool me once, but there’s no way. No way Mason and Woods would come for me. That's the reality."

“Mason’s shoulders dropped. He couldn’t hear it over the wind, but he was sure his friend just let out an exasperated sigh. Not that he’d ever let up. But the two of them were so damn stubborn they could be out here for hours.

"You don't have to believe me. But what's under your feet? Grass and dirt? Or dried rooftop tar? You know what you really feel, Bell."

“Bell muttered something in response that Woods couldn't quite catch. He saw Mason shift his weight impatiently. Mason knew what she was going through. He could commiserate with her, but his patience was always a little thin, even in the best situations.

Slowly, Woods stepped forward. He chose to head closer to where she seemed to think Adler was. As he moved, he wondered what Bell was seeing.

How many times had she imagined this?

She had so few memories she must have run through them over and over again in her head when she was alone in that prison facility.

When you’re locked up in a cell, sometimes all you have to think about is your past. And escaping. And those people who worked for Perseus had seemed intent on torturing her. They had drugged her recklessly too. They hadn’t cared a bit if she lost her mind.

Did they have her run through this over and over again? Just to torture her? What she had done to make her former pals hate her so much that they would devote so many months to torturing her. Even that blonde, Ivanova, played her part in the torture. But on that prison train, she and Bell had worked together.

What made them turn on each other?

Bell definitely saw him approach. She seemed to have forgotten about Adler and Mason. Her hard gaze was fixed on him. Woods was careful not to get too close. It was then he was sure; she thought he was one of those guards at the prison facility. She wasn’t seeing him as himself, just a hallucination meant to fuck with her.

“No,” Bell said, shaking her head. She pointed at Mason. “Him maybe, but you?” She shook her head again. Bell was looking Woods dead in the eye. “No, fucking way. Woods would-”

"Don't tell me what I would and wouldn't do," He interrupted her. His voice was firm, and she seemed taken aback by it.

Bell bit her lip. She kept her feet on the ground, but he could see her hips move as she shifted her weight. Her toes curled as she felt the rough texture of the rooftop. Her eyes widened briefly. Woods could only make an assumption about what might be running through her head. That what she felt under her feet didn’t match what she saw around her. That seeing him may have made her begin to doubt things.

Bell took a step back.

Fuck.

Woods exchanged a look with Mason.

“Lost so many people. Do anything to get them back. Mason coming back-“ He shook his head. He still wasn’t quite ready to talk about that one.

“And you? After everything you did? You’re-“

A hero?” Bell spat.

“Nah, that’s what-” Woods started. He waved his hand to indicate the city. “That’s what they say about- about people like us. But they don’t fucking know.”

They really don’t, do they? Civilians? No, fucking clue what it’s like.

If they weren’t calling him a baby killer, they were calling him a hero. He was neither. Why she thought he was going to say that was interesting. Maybe it was a word they had used, a way to try to pump her up, get her to believe them.

“After all the shit that was done to you. You could’ve- but you didn’t. Everything you went through. You’re one of us-” He said finally, gesturing between himself and Mason.

It was strange to admit. He couldn’t explore the feelings behind it at the moment, but it had been hard to say. Even though it was the truth.

Bell’s expression softened just slightly. Her hands lowered. Maybe her defenses were finally coming down.

“Look, we’re not stupid. We know everyone doesn’t see us as the good guys, right? Everything we’ve done hasn’t always been on the level, right? So, yeah if I’d have known who you were, what happened to you. If Mason had known? We’d have still come for you.”

“You’re just saying what you think I want to hear,” She shot back. But it was halfhearted.

“Bell, look, you really think they’d stand around having a conversation with you?” Mason interjected, “They wouldn’t just try to tackle you and bring you back? If you don’t believe us, fine. There are gaps where reality bleeds through.”

He could see Bell set her jaw, but she was definitely thinking it over. Allowing herself to be convinced. She was seeing the world around her for what it was, finally. He saw her toes curl up again. The way her eyes scanned the tarred roof. She looked up at the dark sky. Her eyes were focused when her gaze fell on the buildings around them. Bell turned. Carefully, she walked towards the ledge.

“Go slow. Put your hands out,” Mason warned.

He moved towards her, careful not to crowd her. Woods had to fight the urge to tackle her. Save her. But she had to see it for herself. They couldn’t force her and lose the little trust they had just built.

He watched from an unnerving distance as Bell put her hands out and touched the ledge. He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding as she knelt down and leaned over the ledge to look down. Bell let out a small cry as she looked at the city around her.

It must have been unsettling as the hallucination melted away, and a whole city appeared before her. Woods moved closer. He could hear her clearly.

“West Berlin,” She said. Then she looked over her shoulder at Mason. “You came for me? I live here now?”

“Yeah, sorry we stuck you with that old man,” Mason said, thumbing toward Woods.

Woods made a derisive sound in response, drawing Bell’s attention to him. She looked at him like she was seeing him for the first time. Her eyes were suddenly clear and focused. It almost made him uncomfortable to be looked at like that.

“You good?” He asked. She nodded.“All right, can you get the fuck away from there?” He said, chuckling a little, “You’re gonna give me a damn heart attack.”

Woods helped her sit on the edge of the tub. He leaned over to run the water until it was warm and placed a stopper in.

“Put your feet in there,” He directed.

The soles of her feet were practically black. He wasn’t even sure she realized how dirty her feet had been as he had stopped her seconds before she attempted to hop in bed.

Wordlessly, Bell complied. She hadn’t said much after the roof, just followed along with him, her hand in a vice grip on his shirt. Making sure he was still there. It was something he was familiar with.

Occasionally, Mason would need a reminder as well and just reach out for his friend to give him a tap on the shoulder. Or a shove. Whatever helped to ground him. Woods knew to respond in kind. Reach out as well. It had taken some getting used to at first. Not something he was used to. His family had never been affectionate that he could remember, but he grew to like it.

The tub began to fill with water. He stopped it when her feet were submerged. The water began to turn gray and swirled around her ankles. She leaned forward to watch it change color. He knew her fascination with it was because of the drugs and that she might actually be seeing something more interesting than gray water. At least part of this evening wouldn’t be a complete nightmare for her. He grabbed a washcloth from the top of a pile of towels and dipped it in the water, then picked up a bottle filled with pinkish liquid and poured it over the wet cloth. It had a soft floral scent to it.

Woods sat on the edge of the tub. Bell was gently kicking her feet in the water, watching with fascination at the ripples created by the movement. He looked her over. The hair on the back of her head was wild, tangled by the wind.

Woods reached out a hand to comb it smooth with his fingers. He wasn’t sure how she would react, but Bell closed her eyes at the touch. Her kicking slowed to a stop. When the tangles were gone, he dropped his hand. Woods thought he heard Bell sigh, but when he looked back at her, her face was neutral.

He then leaned over the tub and reached for her ankle. She curled her toes under, likely trying to hide the fact that she was missing toenails.

“What are you, embarrassed?” He chuckled a little. Bell didn’t respond. Then he picked her foot up a few inches out of the water he scrubbed at the sole. Even her calves and shins were streaked with dirt.

“With all the shit I’ve seen- Don’t you remember jungle rot? Hell, you should have seen me when I-“ He paused. He was trying to be reassuring. Let her know he didn’t care about a few missing toenails. But he wasn’t sure it was landing.

“I just can relate, is all.”

His feet had been in worse shape than this when he crawled out of that camp at Da Nang. He hadn't even thought to be embarrassed. And really, she was just missing a few toenails. His comment seemed to relax her. She uncurled her toes, and she watched him continue his work impassively.

Soon, the towel was nearly stained black. Woods dipped it in the water and squeezed it out, dripping dirty water into the tub. When he looked back at Bell, he caught her scrunching up her nose in disgust and smiled.

So there was some of the old her in there somewhere.

Then he picked up her other foot and started to scrub.

“Why?” She blurted out. This made him chuckle.

“Maybe because you were running around barefoot?”

Bell shook her head but seemed unable to complete her thought. He gave her time to think as he finished working on her other foot. Then he drained the tub and used the sprayer on her feet. Woods washed his hands.

Then he grabbed a towel and sat back on the edge of the tub laying the towel across his lap.

“Come on, gotta dry them now.”

She didn’t move. Instead, she stared intently at her feet and the last few streams of water heading down the drain.

“I hurt you,” Bell said finally. He blinked in surprise. He supposed she had, but it didn’t hurt anymore. Stung like a bitch when she had done it.

“You just did what you thought you had to.”

She gave him a look that seemed to say she wasn’t buying that.

“You still got a lot of fight in you. Never lose it,” Woods said. He patted his thigh and she complied, propping her ankle up on the towel.

“I could have just taken a shower.”

“Thought you might have had enough of showers.”

She actually laughed then. It wasn’t a great laugh, an exhausted one if anything, but he’d take it. And after everything that happened? Good to know she could laugh. And that she wasn’t pissed off at him. Or at least not yet. Maybe when everything settled in, she would be.

He dried off her other foot in silence. When he was done, he stood up next to her and offered his good arm to help her stand. It surprised him how unsteady she was on her feet now.

Was this the same woman who had just outrun both him and Mason on the stairs?

"Come on, I know you've been sleeping for a while, but you still gotta be exhausted."

"How long?"

"About a day, brought you back yesterday morning. Early.”

She nodded. Whatever she did with this information, he couldn't tell.

Woods brought her to her bed, lifted the edge of the blanket, and helped her in. Then he pulled the covers over her.

“I’ll be right back, ok?”

Bell sat up then. She made a noise in protest.

"I'm just gonna get you something to eat," He said, thumbing over his shoulder at the door. Her eyes darted to the door. She gripped the blanket in her fists, knuckles going white. Probably an effect of the drugging making her anxious.

"I won't be gone for long, ok?"

She nodded, but he could tell it made her uncomfortable. He left the door ajar so she could hear him working away in the kitchen. Keep her connected to reality.

Mason was in the kitchen making himself a sandwich. He looked as exhausted as Woods felt.

“Want one?” Mason asked, keeping his voice low. Woods shook his head.

Mason nodded towards Bell’s door. “How’s the patient?”

"She's ok. Getting her some toast."

Mason looked at the open door.

"She might still be having trouble telling the shit that's happening in her brain to reality," He said, "It doesn't just switch off. Even when she's not on the drugs."

Woods nodded as he put two bread slices in the toaster. He knew it, but he also knew Mason needed to say it. He was the best advocate for Bell’s situation. He’d be the voice he himself had needed. A gap Woods could have filled if he had been around back then.

"We gotta stop them from drugging her,” Mason said firmly.

"Already on it. Got Park on our side too."

"Hudson?"

“He called. We had a conversation."

Mason nodded. He knew what that meant.

"Adler?"

That made them both chuckle. Adler would have to go along with it whether he liked it or not at this point. Woods had managed to be somewhat civil in his conversation with Hudson. He needed him to understand the gravity of the situation, and now he and Park were looking into alternative solutions.

Mason yawned loudly, he picked up his plate, and began moving toward his room.

"Hitting the hay?"

"Yeah, might as well, right? You got her, right? No more late-night roof excursions?” Mason joked, then he glanced at the clock, “Fuck, early morning, I mean.”

"Yeah, I got her."

The toast popped up. Woods piled the two pieces on a plate and cut them in half diagonally. Filling up a glass with water, he took both to Bell’s room and set them on the nightstand. When he entered, he noticed that she was still sitting straight up, her wide eyes watching the door, waiting for him to come back. He sat on the edge of the bed and tapped her hand, then pointed at the plate. Finally, her posture relaxed, and she picked up the toast.

“Not exactly exciting. Not sure what kind of condition your stomach is in. Last thing you need is to feel worse."

Bell nodded and took a few tentative bites of toast. She seemed to decide her stomach was fine, and in a moment, the toast was gone.

“Nothing about your appetite has changed, huh? Get you a steak next.”

One corner of her mouth turned up at this comment.

“Don’t forget to drink your water, ok?” Woods said as he took her plate and stood up to leave. Bell tensed again, and her eyes widened.

“Frank-“ She started to say but didn’t continue. He knew she didn’t want him to leave her.

It was how it was going to be with her until she felt comfortable.

“Yeah, all right, hang on,” Woods said. He left and set the plate down on the kitchen counter. He went to his room to change into shorts and a t-shirt.

“The hell are you doing?” He muttered to himself as he pulled the shirt over his head. But he knew the answer. She wouldn’t be in this situation if he had just checked his ego and come for her earlier.

But it wasn’t just the guilt, was it?

He tucked his pillow under his arm.

When he came back into her room, he stood by the bed.

“Scoot over.”

If Bell seemed surprised by this, she didn’t show it. She just shifted closer to the wall making room for him. He pulled the covers back.

“This is only to keep you connected to reality," He said, tossing his pillow against the headboard next to hers. Then he got in. There wasn’t a lot of room on the bed, so he threw his arm around her and pulled her into him.

“I’m sorry,” She said quietly. Her voice had a distant tone to it like she was drifting to sleep. Woods wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for this time, maybe everything.

“Yeah, so am I,” He said. But he could tell she was already sleeping.

Careful not to disturb her, he settled in. And soon he was asleep, too.





It was mid-morning when Bell exited her room. Woods was actually surprised to even see her up this early. He had almost expected her to sleep off the day.

But there she was fully dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. She had pulled her hair into a short ponytail. And if she hadn’t looked so pale it would almost be like the past few weeks hadn’t even happened.

“I’ll get you some coffee,” Woods said.

He folded his paper in half, laying it over the arm of his chair. Standing he walked into the kitchen. The pot he brewed that morning had long gone cold. He dumped the water and started a fresh pot. In the meantime Bell had wandered into the kitchen. She was looking at everything around her like she was seeing it for the first time.

The coffee pot made a gurgling sound as it finished brewing. Woods grabbed a mug for her from the cabinet and after pouring the coffee in handed it her. He refilled his own cup and moved back to the living room. Bell, on the other hand, was hovering between the living room and the kitchen. He could sense some hesitation in her, like her first day here.

"Come on, this is still your home."

Bell nodded and took a seat on the couch. She looked around at the stacks of books piled up on the floor.

"What are all the books for?"

"I uh-" He paused, "Thought they might help you figure out a name for yourself. If that’s, uh, something you're still interested in."

She set her mug down and slipped off the couch onto the pillow on the floor. Bell looked down at the pillow as if she just noticed it.

"You never moved it."

"Nah, I knew you'd use it again."

Bell raised her eyebrows at this, but said nothing. Instead she focused her attention at the closest stack of books. Picking one of them up she brushed her hand over the cover. It was red, old, with a linen cover. The spine had long been broken and some of the pages were falling out. Carefully, she opened it.

"You got these for me?” Bell asked, not looking up from the book in her hands, “When?"

It was a funny question since she was clearly examining the check out card.

"Been a week or two,” Woods said with a shrug, “Who can keep track of the time?"

This time she looked up at him, again she studying him with that strange expression on her face. As if she was trying to see through him. It was like she expected him to turn into something else. Or to tell her he's fucking with her.

In fact, she probably was thinking that. Still unsure about what was real around her. Still unable to trust that he was being honest with her. At first it made him angry- how could she think he was like that? But there was nothing he could do to fix it. The uncertainty was internal. It wasn't a reflection of his character. The only thing he could do was be consistent. And maybe she’d grow to trust him again.

"Hey," He said as he leaned forward placing a hand on her shoulder to help ground her, "You hungry?"

At first, she tensed at his touch, her shoulder flexed as if she wanted to shove his hand off. But it only last for a moment before she relaxed again.

Finally, she nodded.

They both headed to the kitchen. Woods opened the fridge.

"Shit, that's right.” He said as he peered in remembering now that no one had bought food in some time. There was some deli meat, maybe an egg, but not much else.

"I can make myself something-" Bell started. She stepped in front of him and looked through the fridge herself.

"What did you eat?" Bell asked.

"Uhhh," He stammered. He hadn’t actually eaten anything, yet.

"Frank-"

"What I was worried about you!" 


Bell sighed and got out a frying pan.

"Hey, you should be taking it easy."

"I'm fucking sick of taking it easy, I want to do something that isn't just sitting on my ass. What else do we have here?" She opened the pantry.

"Don't you have any food in this apartment?" She asked, though she definitely was not expecting an answer. “Get the eggs and milk,” Bell ordered him.

”Yes, ma’am,” Woods said with a chuckle. He placed them on the counter.

From the pantry he saw she picked up some cinnamon and sugar and she placed those on the counter with the authority of someone who knows what they're doing.

Bell grabbed the milk, giving him a look when she saw how the container was nearly empty. She poured it into a bowl. The eggs she cracked and added to the bowl, whisking them together with the milk.

"Is Alex here?" She asked as she sliced up bread.

"Yeah." He was trying to suppress a grin, but she must have caught him.

"What?"

"Just haven't seen you like this in a while."

"Oh, get out." She said as she shoved him out of the kitchen.

He took a seat on one of the stools and watched her work. Bell plopped the slices of bread into an egg and milk mixture. As she watched the liquid quickly soak through the bread she sighed.

“What?”

“Just not the bread I’d use for this.”

“We could go to the grocery store later. Get better food. We need food anyway.”

Bell didn’t respond. Her mouth was a firm line. She plopped some of the soaked bread into a hot frying pan. She probably wasn’t looking forward to finding herself in a crowded store full of people. It had been overwhelming for him hadn’t it? That’s why when he did go, he always shopped at night. As late as the store would let him. He wasn’t the only one.

”An all-night grocery store,” Woods added.

“Yeah? They have those?” Bell asked, her tone hopeful. She did not look up from the pan.

“Y’know, it’s only hard at first,” He said. He too was staring at the frying pan, watching the bread cook. Whatever she said, it smelled great to him.

“Getting used to being around people again. People who don’t want to hurt you.”

Bell blinked a few times. She kept her eyes on the pan. Then she flipped the bread.

“It- it gets easier?” She asked the pan.

“It gets easier.”

Bell let out a soft sigh. He watched her plate the first few slices and sprinkle cinnamon and sugar on top.

“It would be better with syrup and powdered sugar,” She said, making it clear to him that she didn’t approve of the food she made. He knew Bell wouldn’t ordinarily stand for sub-par French toast.

“And better bread. Butter.”

All the same, she cut the slices in half diagonally and served them to Woods. The next batch she wrapped in foil and put in the fridge for whenever Mason got up. Woods was nearly done with his when she finished making hers. It was still pretty good food. Nice to eat anything that wasn’t takeout for once. But he didn’t tell her that. She would probably remind him how much better it could be with decent ingredients. Some of the personality she had before, when she was Bell, when he first met her, was coming out again. Assertive and stubborn. She liked things a certain way. He wondered if this is how she had been before.

Probably.

She plated her own food and sat down next to him. She took a bite of it and made a face.

“It’s not that bad.”

“I make better food than this,” Bell insisted.

“I’ll go grocery shopping.”

She took a disdainful bite of her French toast and chewed slowly. Woods had to hold back a chuckle. She was acting like it was something truly distasteful.

“I can order something,” He offered.

“No, I’m not wasting food.” Bell stubbornly stabbed her fork at a piece of the toast, then another, stacking them on the tines. He understood what she meant. Food was still food, you don’t just throw it out because you don’t like it.

“I’ll go with you,” She said, determinedly.

“Yeah?”

“You’ll be with me right?”

“Won’t leave you alone for a second.”

“After everything that’s happened you’d think I wouldn’t be nervous about something as simple shopping.”

“It’s different. A guy pulls a knife on you; you know what to do. A crowd of people? You’re just not used to it.”

“It gets easier?”

“It gets easier.”

When she finished he grabbed her plate and his and began washing the dishes. As he scrubbed the pan, he looked over his shoulder and said, “Take a look at those books ok? You don’t have to pick a name today, but I gotta have something to call you.”

Bell only nodded in response and left him to finish the cleaning up.

When he emerged from the kitchen he found Bell sitting on the pillow. Her legs were bent, shins resting on the edge of the coffee table, and her back against the couch. She had a book resting on her knees. Next to her was a pile of books she had already gone through.

“These are some interesting books you picked,” Bell said without looking up.

Most of the books were collections about famous women. Some biographies, in case she wanted to know more about who she was naming herself after, and then baby name books. The librarian had given him an odd look when he requested those, but he wasn’t worried about what she thought.

“Just wanted you to have all the options. Or I could just call you Vicky.”

“Vicky?”

“Yeah, short for Victoria.”

“Oh.” He had only been joking, but a look crossed her face like she was considering it. Sometimes she took things so seriously it made him want to laugh. But then she might think he was laughing at her. As she thought he settled back into his chair and grabbed a book off the top of a pile.

“No,” She decided, “I can’t use her name. I’m not her-“

Bell trailed off. He gave her a curious look and so she continued.

“I had a dream about her.”

“Thought you always dreamed about her.”

“No, I mean I do, but-”

Bell was looking at him now. Her brown eyes wide, shining.

“This time I wasn’t her.”


“You want to tell me about it?”

She shook her head and looked back to her book.

”You never have to tell me anything but if you ever feel like talkin-“

She had raised her head again, thinking it over. At least she was considering it, but in the end, she said nothing.

They read silently together and new piles of books grew around them. At least they were getting through the task fairly quickly. Occasionally, Woods would read a name aloud. She would take a moment to seriously consider it, then shake her head and go back to reading. A few names they even tried out, but eventually they were all rejected. Some she said out loud, but the moment they left her lips she knew they were wrong. He thought some of them had been pretty nice. But she had to be happy with them, that’s what mattered.

They read in silence for a while. Eventually Mason got up. He grabbed his French toast and ate it cold, much to Bell’s annoyance. He did try to tell her it was good, but Bell gave him an earful.

“All right all right,” Mason relented, his hands up, “You’ve convinced me. I’ll let you make me some good food sometime.”

“So is this what you’re doing today? Can’t wait to hear your brand new name. How about Alexandra? No?”

Bell gave him a look.

“Not helping,” Woods said without looking up from what he was reading.

“I’m kidding, I’m sure whatever you come up with will be great.” He left soon after. Mason had been away from Em and David for the past few days. Em was definitely accustomed to it having been on the job herself. But it didn’t mean she had to like it. And that she didn’t worry. But Woods was glad he had called him in for help. He’s not sure he would have been able to get Bell down from that roof on his own.

Woods flipped through his book. He wasn’t sure if he was really helping her by reading too, but it felt like leaving her to do it all alone might be too overwhelming. In fact the whole idea of it was overwhelming.

How do people pick out names?

Bell shifted on the cushion. She stood up, still holding open her book in her hands and did a slow paced lap around the apartment. Having her back completely changed the feeling of the apartment. It felt warmer, more inviting. And the idea of not having to come back to a cold and empty space again? He could definitely get used to it.

“How you doin?” Woods asked, looking up and watching her pace. He considered standing up himself. He set his book over his thigh and tilted his torso forward to give his back a good crack. Bell sighed.

“That sounds good.”

“Yeah?” Woods asked, a grin spread across his face, “Want me to pick you up? Crack your back?” He wasn’t actually sure he could do it with his shoulder still healing.

“Mm tempting,” She said as she completed another circuit. She rested one of her hands on her lower back. “How do people figure this stuff out?” She groaned, “All these names none of them seem right.”

“Maybe when you find the right one you’ll know.”

“I hope so.”

“What about in those books you were reading for fun? Any good names in there?”

She stopped walking to think it over.

“Not unless you think Meg suits me. Wendy? Mercédès?”

“Nah, never mind.”

Bell continued her reading and walking. As she did another lap he heard the floorboards creak behind his chair. And then stop. She had paused just behind him. He felt her fingers rest just on the skin at the base of his neck. It made the hairs on the back of his head stand on end. With one finger she pried his shirt away from the shoulder revealing his healing skin.

“This was the thermite?” Bell asked quietly.

“Yeah, the molinya.” Woods turned to look at her.

She let his shirt fall back into place, but let her hand linger for a moment before continuing her walk.

“Can’t help but feel like it’s my fault.”

“How could it be your fault?”

“If I hadn’t said anything about Duga-“

“Hey, it was a good thing,” Woods insisted, “Hell you even warned us. It wasn’t you. It would have been worse without you.”

Bell came around and sat down on the arm of the couch just across from him.

She could never just sit could she? Always had to be on the floor, or with her feet up, or like this, on the arm of the couch.

“What you found there- the recording. That’s what I saw in my dream. I saw Victoria record it.”

He watched her closely but said nothing. Bell looked away from him, her eyes narrowed. She tucked a loose hair behind her ear. He knew that gesture, she was thinking something through, gathering her thoughts.

“She seemed like she was, um, at war with herself. Maybe the gravity of the situation was hitting her.”

“What do you think she was doing?”

“Nova-6.” Bell sighed, “There were those sleeper agents right? And all that unaccounted for Nova-6. At least at the time.”

“But you don’t know for sure.”

“What else could it be? Victoria cracked the programming. Драгович.” Bell looked down at her hands in her lap.

“At the very least it’s good to know she hesitated. Some humanity left,” She said with a sigh.

“Never went off, though, did it?”

“What?”

“You think she was trying to use Dragovich’s sleeper agents in the states to activate those old Nova-6 stockpiles on civilians? But that didn’t happen.”

“Right, but that was 13 years ago. What’s even the half-life on that stuff?”

“A lot longer than 13 years.”

“How do you know that?”

“Just one of those things.”

“Frank, why doesn’t it bother you? Even if it failed, she still tried it. She broke the code-“ Bell stopped short, her eyes widened, and she jumped up from the arm of the couch. “Fuck, the notebook!”

“Notebook?”

“Yeah, she had all her stuff encoded and written in a book. She put it into a safe at Duga. Fuck. If I had fucking remembered sooner-”

“Oh, we got that.”

“You did?!” Bell threw her hands up. “Why the fuck was I trying to reverse engineer the recording if you had m- Victoria’s notebook?”

“Adler, took it.”

Bell’s shoulders slumped, and she took her seat again. But she accepted this answer. They both knew that it would be difficult to convince Adler to give her anything from her old life. Especially if it contained secrets, it wasn’t completely unreasonable. Adler, personally, had good reason not to trust her. He thought Woods and Mason were being naive.

“Did you get anything else?”

“Yeah, actually, I did. Hang on.”

He stood up and went to his room. From the nightstand drawer he pulled out a photo. He hadn’t been certain when he found it, but if there was any possibility that it was hers he wanted to make sure she got it. Who knew what Adler would do with it. When he came back to the living room he handed it to her.

It was a small black and white photo. Faded. And a little burned on the edges. The photo was of two girls. The younger one looking like she wanted to run off and play. The older had a serious expression on her face as she stared down the camera.

“They look familiar to you at all?”

Bell took the picture. At first her face showed no expression. Then she passed a finger over the smaller girl in the photograph.

“Where did you get this?”

“In the barracks. There was a private room. It looked like someone had tried to torch the place. Like they were really pissed off at whoever was supposed to be in there. Everything was wrecked. But this was tucked behind the nightstand. Hidden. Like someone knew it might get destroyed.” 


Bell clutched the picture to her chest. Sensing she might need a moment he stood up.

“I’m gonna get some more coffee. Want some?”

Bell nodded.

There was no telling when that fire had occurred. It could have easily been after Solovetsky. But it nagged at him. Victoria, had tucked it away for safekeeping for whatever reason. Maybe it was wishful thinking on his part but her hesistation about the recording just added to his suspicion that she may not have been a willing participant in everything. And setting fire to her room? That was an act of rage. That maybe at the end she had a change of heart. That she betrayed Perseus. He poured the coffee into their mugs and headed out to the living room. Bell was just exiting her room.

“I put it in there for safekeeping.”

“Yeah, it’s yours,” He said with a shrug. It was funny now to have confirmation that the photo was actually hers. Seeing her as a kid. Hard to think that anyone he ever worked with were kids once. Hell, they probably had the same trouble with him, imagining him born with a full beard and tattoos. ==

Bell took the mug and curled up into one corner of the couch with a different book. He took his place on his chair again, picking up where he left off.

The stack of unread books was getting smaller. They’d have to make another trip to the library at this rate. Or find some other method for name-choosing. Woods could feel his eyes glazing over. It was a lot of reading for anyone. Even Bell seemed to be losing stamina. They had depleted the coffee again and she was in the kitchen making another pot.

In his lap he had a book open about famous figures from World War II. A name jumped out at him that made him chuckle. He sat up straighter to read the passage. At that moment Bell had come back in and was setting his coffee on the table.

“What’s up?”

“Just a name I recognize.”

“Old friend?” She asked, leaning over to look at the book. He caught a whiff of something floral in the air when moved closer to him.

“Nah, no way. Come on, I was just a kid then.” He pointed to a photo of a young woman in uniform. She was smiling and standing next to Eleanor Roosevelt.

“Russian sniper. Did a tour with Elenor Roosevelt, uh the First Lady, in the 40s after World War II. I remember seeing it in the papers when I was a kid. She killed so many they nicknamed her Lady Death. What I remember is how much the papers liked to talk about how she didn’t wear pretty clothes and makeup. Kind of funny, did all that and what do the papers care about? How good she looks in their photos.”

Bell perched herself on the arm of his chair and looked at the photograph. He caught another whiff of that floral scent. It was nice. Then he realized she must have taken another shower this morning. He hadn’t really noticed until now. But he could understand it. Imprisonment kind of has a smell that sticks with you, even if other people couldn’t smell it.

“That’s her?” Bell asked, shaking him from his thoughts.

“Yep.”

“Lyudmila Pavlichenko,” Woods said.

“I’m sure I heard of her at some point,” She said. Bell placed her hand on the book moving the page to read it better.

“Probably.” He looked up and watched her read. She at least seemed interested. It gave him the spark of an idea.

“What about that for you?”

“Lyudmila? You think I look like a Lyudmila?” It was a genuine question.

“I dunno,” He shrugged,” Tough gal, tough gal. Maybe use a nickname. Lyuda? Lydia?”

She raised her eyebrows and glanced at him. Then she looked back at the page. With her thumb she covered part of the name in the headline.

“How about this?”

He looked at the remaining letters.

“Mila?”

She looked back at him searching his face for a reaction.

“Mila,” He said again to her.

“Mila,” She said back. He nodded.

“Yeah, it suits you. At least try it on. If you don’t like it, we’ll pick up where we left off.”

“No more, Bell?”

He shook his head. She was looking at the book again. Skimming Lyudmila Pavlichenko’s bio again.

He tapped her knee to get her attention.

“So what do you say tomorrow that we take your name out for a spin?”

“What does that mean?” She asked brows knitted.

“Didn’t I promise to take you to a record store?”

Mila looked uncertain. As she wasn’t sure if he was joking or not.

“Ok."

[scriveyner]

chase forever down 3/31

chase forever down | 3/31 | bungou stray dogs | 👿🐯 | #smarch 🔞| ~2400 words

It was almost two weeks to the day before Atsushi heard from Akutagawa again. He was beginning to think that he’d hallucinated the whole thing: the bruise was long faded, and after the last encounter there barely was a new one to layer atop it. He stood in the bathroom for a long while, inspecting his neck, but while the spot Akutagawa had branded him with his mouth felt hot to the touch, there was nothing visible to the naked eye.

Keep reading on AO3, or:

Nothing but the memory of his mouth on Atsushi’s skin, and his hand on Atsushi’s cock.

Atsushi leaned his weight on his hands, braced on the edges of the sink, and hung his head. He’d never been so horny in his entire life and now that was the only thing he could think about. He didn’t want Akutagawa’s hand anywhere near his dick (lie), he didn’t want Akutagawa’s mouth on his skin (also a lie), and he didn’t want to be anywhere near him at any point when he was like this (absolutely, 100% grade-A certified fresh lie).

The text came through a little after midnight. Atsushi hadn’t been able to sleep, head propped on his arm and scrolling through videos on his phone, and the unexpected message startled him enough that he dropped his phone on his face. It was the first time a text from Akutagawa didn’t come from an unknown number, but instead came from his contact list—and Atsushi stared at it, bewildered.

The message simply gave an address. No salutation, no regards, nothing at all but a single line of address located in Yokohama. Atsushi scratched his hand through his hair and flipped to his contacts—and, sure enough, he now had an “Akutagawa” contact in his address book. He didn’t remember putting that in his phone.

Oh, wait. Akutagawa dropping his phone in his lap like it was discarded refuse. Yeah, that tracked.

Atsushi scooted aside the door to the futon closet. Kyouka was sleeping on her side, and he felt bad creeping around, but shouldn’t have worried because the second he put a foot on the tatami she was sitting upright, wide awake, with sheathed knife in hand.

“It’s me, it’s me,” he said, and Kyouka blinked at him blearily. “I just—” Crap. What was he going to tell her? For wont of an obvious lie he just barreled forward with the truth. “Akutagawa asked me to meet him. For…training.”

Kyouka yawned into her hand. “For training?”

“Yeah. Dazai-san has us doing…a thing. I don’t know why.”

She was clearly suspicious. Atsushi shrugged helplessly, and she started to get to her knees. “I’m coming with you.”

CRAP.

“No, no,” Atsushi said. “You don’t have to come. We’ve been doing this for a while, it’s just usually earlier in the day. It’s all right, and I have my phone with me.”

“I still think I should come,” Kyouka said, sitting on her knees, eyes serious. Then she yawned again, very large, and Atsushi smiled gently at her.

“Kyouka-chan, get back to sleep. I’ll be back before you know it, okay? I’ll try not to wake you.”

After a few more minutes of gentle argument, he finally won, and by the time he tip-toed out of the bathroom fully dressed, she was most of the way to asleep again. Atsushi closed the door quietly behind him, exhaled steam into the cold winter night, and headed out.

======

Atsushi hadn’t bothered to search the address, and once he did, he was really glad he didn’t show the text to Kyouka as proof. He stood, uncertainly, outside the love hotel for a good five minutes before he gave in and texted “I’m here” to Akutagawa’s phone.

He got an immediate response with a room number.

Girding himself for battle, Atsushi went inside.

It wasn’t difficult to locate the room, and he fortunately didn’t see a single other living soul once inside. The clerk, of course, sat behind opaque glass and provided no interaction; and as Atsushi was armed with a room number he just passed completely by and hit the bank of elevators and tried really, really had not to acknowledge he was in a fucking love hotel.

Akutagawa was gleefully fucking with him, and it pissed him off.

He knocked on the door to room 504 and got no immediate response. Concerned, he double-checked the text; he did have the correct room number. He knocked again, still no response, and after a moment’s indecision, tried the knob. The door clicked open, unlocked.

“Akutagawa?” Atsushi asked softly. The lights were dim in the room, he couldn’t tell if he truly had the right room or not. Anger had dissipated into confused wariness. “Are you here?” He closed the door behind him and locked it out of habit, and then took two large steps into the room proper.

A shadow moved in the corner of the room.

“Akuta—?”

He was hit with its full body weight, and Atsushi went down before he could trigger his ability. Ragged fangs sank into his throat, forcing his head back, and Atsushi gasped aloud. The ceiling in the room was mirrored, and he could see what was straddling him, the tiger giving him near-perfect night vision.

It was Akutagawa—he thought.

The creature was very twisted, his trench coat in tatters, skin pallid grey and splotchy, in places looking almost burnt. He couldn’t see Akutagawa’s face, but his ears poked through his patchy, stringy dark hair, pointed sharp and inhuman. Atsushi wanted to struggle, badly, but he couldn’t—he felt weighted down, locked in place, everything getting fuzzier as he grew more and more lightheaded…

“Akutagawa…” Atsushi croaked, white clawing at the edges of his vision, and Akutagawa lifted his head, face twisted into something inhuman, eyes large and red; it was the last thing Atsushi saw before he passed out.

=====

Atsushi woke under the covers of the large bed in the center of the room. He blinked blearily at the mirrored ceiling; at some point he had been undressed to his underwear and tucked in. There was a dark form seated on the edge of the bed, back to him, and he rolled his head to see Akutagawa perched there, legs crossed and idly clicking through channels on the television set.

“I thought vampires didn’t have a reflection,” Atsushi croaked, lips and mouth dry.

Akutagawa tilted his head and looked over his shoulder at Atsushi, and his face was normal. For a split second Atsushi remembered the grotesque mask of a face he was wearing before, but it was gone just that quickly, and he swallowed hard. Or at least, he attempted to, but his throat was so dry he just started coughing instead.

“You’re dehydrated,” Akutagawa said, reaching for the bedstand. He pushed a bottle of water into Atsushi’s hands, and he sat up, draining it quickly, in several large gulps. Akutagawa kept the water coming and he knocked out four before he stopped, breathing hard but now feeling much more normal. Akutagawa clucked at the empty bottles, before depositing them in a bin. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I was hit by a bus,” Atsushi groaned, and rubbed his face. “I have been hit by a bus before, you know. It’s not the greatest feeling in the world.”

“I’m not surprised,” Akutagawa returned to his seat on the edge of the mattress and studied Atsushi quietly. Atsushi held the half-drunk fifth bottle of water in his hands. “I am surprised you came.”

“I said I would,” Atsushi said, defensively. “I keep my promises.” He crinkled the bottle for a moment. “Are you…okay?”

Akutagawa seemed surprised by the question and looked away. “You shouldn’t ask me that. Worry after yourself, weretiger. I am a lost cause.”

“Well, you didn’t kill me,” Atsushi said. “So, I wouldn’t say that you’re too lost a cause.” He exhaled. “But you do need to eat more often than every two weeks, don’t you?”

“I eat every day. Blood, though…” Akutagawa’s shoulders stiffened.

“You can eat normal food?”

Akutagawa gave him a bemused look. “Did you not encounter me grocery shopping?”

“I thought…actually, I don’t know what I thought.” Atsushi scratched his hand through his hair. “You wander around in daylight, you shop up in mirrors, and you eat people food. Aside from the blood-drinking, how are you a vampire, exactly?”

“Perhaps you shouldn’t look to fiction to inform your reality, weretiger.” Akutagawa sighed and glanced toward the muted television. “I was hoping to scare you off with that display, but it seems you’re not in the least bit frightened of me. You really do have nothing stuffed between your ears.”

Atsushi said, quietly, “it looked like it hurt.”

“Pain is meaningless.” Akutagawa looked back at Atsushi. “I need to feed a few times a week to maintain my normal form. If I fast, I…deteriorate.” He looked at his hands. “And I start to lose all the sense in my head, far quicker than I’d like.”

Atsushi tilted his head and pointed at his neck. “Did you need to feed more, then? You were in pretty rough shape.”

“Idiot,” Akutagawa hissed at him. “I took so much from you, you passed out. I will not be feeding from you again for several days, you must recover first.” He looked at his hands again and then stood. “A lesser man would be my thrall by now, and I don’t understand how you’re not.”

Atsushi blinked wide, violet and golden eyes at him, and Akutagawa scoffed aloud. “I don’t understand any of this, or you, or your perverse desire to be of use to me. Don’t you recall I plan to kill you, weretiger?”

Atsushi placed his hands on his lap. “If you wanted to kill me, I would be dead already. You’ve had quite a few chances.”

Akutagawa whirled on him, knee on the bed, in Atsushi’s face faster than he could blink. He hissed, eyes completely red, sclera black, fangs on full display; and Atsushi didn’t jump. He snarled right back, eyes shifting to gold, mouth full of teeth just as sharp. “I can turn a threat display too,” Atsushi growled right back at him, and they stared off for another minute before Akutagawa pushed off the bed again and stalked away.

Atsushi’s heart was going a million miles an hour, and he’d managed to destroy the sheets under the covers with his claws. He exhaled as he watched Akutagawa stop by the window, staring out at the city at night, arms folded and scowling.

“So, now what?” Atsushi asked him, finally breaking the uneasy silence. “Where do we go from here?”

Akutagawa sighed. He pulled off his tattered coat, dropping it in the chair by the window before he came back and flopped onto the edge of the mattress again, arms folded. Atsushi watched him, a bit wide-eyed at the behavior.

“With the amount of blood I’ve taken, your stamina will be largely shot, so I’m afraid we can’t make full use of the room tonight. But, if you wish, I will let you use my mouth.”

Atsushi stared at him. “What?”

Akutagawa point to his mouth. “Use my mouth.”

“Use your mouth?”

“Yes.”

“For what?”

Akutagawa stared back at him.

They stared at each other, in silence, for a solid minute.

“Weretiger.”

“Yeah?”

Akutagawa opened his mouth as he was considering his next words. He closed it, thought about it some more, and said, finally, “it will be easier, I think, to demonstrate.”

=====

Atsushi’s back was ramrod straight against the headboard, one hand behind him clutching it and the other curled in Akutagawa’s hair. He still wasn’t entirely sure how he got from there to here but at the moment he didn’t really care, his legs spread wide by Akutagawa’s hands, and his face nestled right against Atsushi’s cock.

In fact, Akutagawa’s tongue was doing a circuit around the shaft right now, and the crawling pleasure that was tracing its way up and down his spine was growing in intensity. He tilted his head back, watching the mirrors, seeing Akutagawa laid out on the bed with one of Atsushi’s legs over his shoulder, head bobbing as he mouthed the head of Atsushi’s cock and let it slip further inside. God. God, fuck.

Use his mouth.

Atsushi’s hips wanted to jerk, lift off the bed, do something; but Akutagawa’s elbow over his hip kept him down. He lifted off Atsushi’s cock with a wet pop, taking care to lick him down and up either side before deep-throating him once again. Atsushi moaned, wanting to thrust and being blocked into place and unable to do so.

His mouth was so good. So hot, hotter than his hand by a thousand degrees. He left Atsushi’s cock hanging, drooling, as he kissed Atsushi’s inner thigh, fangs suddenly pressing gentle pinpricks into his soft skin. Two bright red beads of blood rolled down his inner thigh and Akutagawa licked them up and shuddered, then sucked Atsushi’s cock down once more.

It was insanely good. Atsushi’s thoughts were an incoherent mess, he wanted to jam his cock down Akutagawa’s throat and listen to him choke, and he twisted his fingers in Akutagawa’s short hair, trying to remember what words would lead to the desired outcome. His head was getting fuzzy again, in a good way, in a toes-curling, spine-twisting way, and Akutagawa dipped his tongue into the slit where the fluid was drooling from. Atsushi jerked like he’d been hit by a cattle prod.

“Oh, like that, do you?” Akutagawa murmured, voice husky from the abuse his throat was taking, and proceeded to do it again. Atsushi’s cock was leaking fluid at an alarming rate, and Akutagawa lapped it all up like a cat, without a hint of hesitation, before he suddenly wrapped his lips around the head and shifted his arm off Atsushi’s hips.

Atsushi bucked off the bed, felt the head of his cock hit the back of Akutagawa’s throat, and shuddered as he released.

Akutagawa coughed for a bit, the worst wracking coughs from him that Atsushi had heard in a goodly long while; but he wiped out the rest of another bottle of water. “For someone who’s had nearly half their blood drained, you held out much longer than I thought,” Akutagawa said thoughtfully, sitting cross-legged on the rumpled top sheet.

Atsushi had fallen over, flat on his back, and was still having small little aftershocks from his orgasm. “Oh. Use your mouth,” he repeated weakly, “that’s what you meant.”

Akutagawa chuckled dryly and handed him a fresh bottle of water.

<< Chapter 2 ||| Start ||| Chapter 4 >>

[sleepparalysisgeek]

They Shouldn't Have Made Melatonin Gummies

I could have fully leaned on becoming the demon you think we are, but then I realised being intimidating and feral every night as you lie there helpless is pastiche, you know?

So, hello, welcome to the site!

Obviously, I’m not the best in my line of work. I prefer you awake so I can actually have a conversation. Then again, you won’t get to see me and I can’t influence your dreams.

That’s why we’re here! People start and end their days holding their phones, and so I might as well post about my interests here like anime, books, dungeons and dragons, and other things. Then have you read it so you have context when you’re hallucinating while I’m there.

Look at me, a supernatural entity having worldly interests. If I had money, I’d have spent it all on that.

I admit, I’m most likely just bored. But hey, you’re already scared right, I might as well make it interesting for you.

Anyway—do you know what sleep paralysis is?

It’s a glitch in your brain that happens between wakefulness and deep slumber.

Once you reach REM sleep, the dreams become more vivid, intense. Then your brain does this clever thing when it turns on a switch that paralyses your body and prevents you from acting out your dream.

Useful, isn’t it?

Think about some of the more graphic dreams that you’ve had.

Go ahead and take a minute.

Was it a good dream? One of those happy memories dredged up from your years in school. When your crush walked in looking tired and haggard from climbing the stairs, and you for one reason or another felt love for the first time.

Was it a nightmare? An embarrassing moment being played in a loop. Silhouettes of people looming over you, guffawing as if they’ve seen nothing more than a big joke standing in front of them — you, helpless and alone. Their faces begin to carve wide, grinning lips, sharp teeth visible from where you stand.

Sometimes that switch fails.

If I ask you which of these you’d rather live out, I think I know the answer.

But you never get a choice, do you?

The worst thing about nightmares is insomnia.

As I’m writing this, those of us on shift are waiting patiently for you to sleep.

When your brain inadvertently wakes up and your body is still paralysed, you’re stuck in that paradoxical state between being awake and asleep. The vivid imagery of REM spilling over like a dream forcing its way into your reality — that’s our gateway. Like a vampire waiting to be invited into a space, that’s how we appear in yours.

It’s easy to assume we’re malevolent because of how we look once we’re there. The moniker ‘sleep paralysis demon’ is totally understandable. But some of us don’t mean harm, honest!

Here’s a trade secret: we don’t need you to be afraid. Not too much at least. I was told it’s the vulnerability we feed on more than the fear.

We just happen to look hunched over, red eyes glowing in the dark, fanged and ready to pounce. If it makes it any easier, just think of me as jetlagged next time you see me.

But for most, that’s traumatising.

Each night you anticipate seeing a ghostly figure in your bedroom, when really it’s just a string bean looking demon about to tell you the latest manga leaks. Scary!

So you don’t sleep! Then you develop insomnia because you don’t want to see us.

That’s why we follow schedules now and can’t visit every night. Insomnia is bad for business, but worse than that, it’s bad for me! I don’t want to hang out with these guys. 🥺

On the bright side, I have more time in between shifts to click on ‘Continue watching’ for the nth time, and add to the off-grey scuff mark on my wall from throwing books when I’m feeling overwhelmed.

And I have more time to collect the stories I want to share with you!

At night.

Through your nightmares.

While looking the way I do.

Yikes. 😬

Melatonin gummies are berry-flavoured nightmares.

I tried ZzzQuil for a while, and they taste great!

They really shouldn’t have made those into melatonin candies because I’ve downed gummies five at a time.

Of course, that means even I’m getting the side effects, which I’m told isn’t normal for us.

It’s weird to be upstaged by gummy candies.

My nightmares were horrifying. They were like a chimaera of memories chasing me in places that I think should’ve been familiar to me. I was seeing people I don’t remember call out to me for help, and I couldn’t get to them because it felt like I was running through sludge.

See? If All Might had been there he could just Carolina Smash our way out of that ordeal. If all of the night creatures had their own sleep entities who had a pinch of imagination, one of them would have added a random concert from 4Town.

Suffice it to say, I take the melatonin gummies only when I want to remember.

Anyway—this is just a long winded way of saying I hope you enjoy your stay. And may your dreams be sweet and nerdy.

[widow-maximov]

I'll be your knight

Pairing: Natasha x Fem Reader

Warning: Language, fluff, angst, smut.

Summary: Dealing with sexism is a real struggle but eventually a line is crossed and anger is unleashed.

A/n: This is my first time writing smut so hopefully it's good enough :3

Word count: 3.5k

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

Being an Avenger isn't easy, especially for any women that join the life style of a hero. You had to put up with sexist comments all the time, most of the time it didn't really bother you but the more you heard random men talking about your best friend like she was some toy, the more it annoyed you.

The comments towards you stopped when you were recruited by Tony Stark, there was some level respect for you and you kind of liked it.

You had some issues with opening up to the team but when Wanda, showed you they are harmless, you slowly opened up more and more as you knew that they were going to be your new family from now on.

Everyone on the team warned you about the one particular redhead but you didn't listen, you wanted to be her friend, she looked scary but is an actual softie, but only around you.

It took time for the Russian to even greet you when she saw you but for you it was worth it, you respected her and always been there for her when she had no one to turn to.

She warmed up to you as she saw the security you were offering her, and you never backed down from your offer, she wasn't keen on your presence but had to learn to accept it.

Even if she didn't trust you fully, that was okay. You trusted her with everything because you knew she was a human just like you and no doubt needed someone to lean on.

⸻⸻⋙☸Flashback☸⋘⸻⸻

You walked around, exploring the place that now it was your new home, you never saw anything more fancy than this place, the room you were staying in was more than enough for 4 people.

Your own tv along with your own big walk in closet and your own bathroom, literally a five star hotel, you didn't complain at all, you were just shocked at how spacious this all was.

Each room was bigger than the other and it was starting to get all confusing, when you left the room, you would get mixed up with the way you walked in.

You loved it but at the same time you hated it, you accidently bumped into the Russian, she looked sweaty in her work out clothes and you stared at her with awkwardness.

She eyed you and cleared her throat, attempting to walk past you and continue where she was going but you stopped her "I'm sorry to disturb you but I just want to know where I can find the gym"

You rubbed your neck awkwardly "I- um- I tried searching everywhere but I'm lost"

Usually when people stutter around Natasha, it meant they were obviously attracted to her but with how you stood and looked away from her just showed her that you were afraid of her.

She didn't smile or anything "Walk straight until you reach the end of the hall and turn left"

You looked at her but she was already on her way so you shouted "Thank you!"

You made your way with her instructions of where to go, she knew how to hide her emotions but it was totally shocking for you how she never had a smile across her lips.

This was your first real conversation, not the hello's or goodbye's. It was a proper conversation, well kind of a proper but it was a start and that's what made you happy.

Second encounter with the redhead was a lot better, the two of you actually had a normal conversation in the morning, you were barely awake so coffee was your way of helping with that.

Walking into the kitchen, not really expecting anyone up early this morning, but the sight of the yawning Russian met your eyes, you smiled at her the best you could as you turned to make yourself a coffee.

"You know there is a coffee maker here?" Her naturally raspy voice spoke which caused you to look at her.

"Yeah I seen it but I have no idea how to use it" You confessed, you weren't embarrassed, you just weren't that fancy to ever own one or even be around one.

She turned around without a word and pulled out a cup, placing it underneath the little nozzle and within seconds the coffee poured out, she took the cup and placed it down as she slid it towards you.

You looked at her and then back at the coffee "Thank you Natasha"

She nodded as she sipped on her own drink "Since you are the only person who is up right now, you mind taking a look at this report, I'm not really sure what it means"

You was taken back, she was asking you for help? Shouldn't she know all of the reports like the back of her hand? She noticed your silence "Or you don't have to, I'll probably figure-"

"No, no I have nothing to do today so I don't mind helping" You smiled and took the coffee with you as you followed her into the room where she had a loads of reports laid out.

You looked at all of them "You know you can work on two reports at a time?"

She nodded "I know but the more I do within a certain time, the less I have later on"

You nodded as you sipped your warm coffee, it was very different to what you were used to, but this was definitely easier to get used to. It was the first time Natasha spent more than 2 minutes with you and you were more than happy to accept that.

So from that time, the two of you worked every morning with each other on reports, you learnt so much from her and in some way she learnt more about you rather than from you, she was impressed by your calmness with her constant questions.

To be fair you wanted to open up to the Russian, she had that safety vibe coming of her and you knew that she would never betray you or your trust that you put in her.

The mornings spent on reports also turned into evenings and soon there was movies every other day, she loved horror movies but you on the other hand loved action movies, there was plenty of action as a hero of the world but it never was enough.

She started to show herself around you more often and you really liked how you could make her laugh with simply couple words. She loved how close she gotten to you and how you trusted her with everything.

She had some doubt but you were always to reassure her, she was thankful for it each time, so in return she would ask you questions about yourself and you never hesitated for a moment to tell her.

⸻⸻⋙☸End☸⋘⸻⸻

But the problem was that not everyone saw it like that, they saw her for her body but not for her heart which is one of many reasons to why she was slow at opening up.

It angered you that people didn't want to treat her like anyone else, just because she was gorgeous didn't automatically make her less of a human.

Today was one of those days where you were busy, like busy busy, overloaded with bunch of reports that needed to be sorted before the next day, so you spent your whole day in you room, you glared at the clock on the wall.

You was doing this for 6 hours straight, no breaks so you decided to just do that. You stood up and stretched out, walking out of your room without anyone around, it did ignite curiosity in you so you walked around cautiously to see what was the deal.

Three of your teammates with two random agents were placed on the couch in the living room, trapping Natasha in between them, from her body language she didn't want to be there.

Bruce and Bucky along with Steve seem to laugh at the agents jokes, you moved closer to the door as you listened to what they were saying.

"Come on Natasha, you should do that power pose and show off that body" One of the agents spoke up as they eyed the Russian.

The other agent tried to move closer to her but hesitated, knowing she could easily tackle him "You can't let that body go to waste"

The anger was raising as words spilled out of their mouths, why didn't Steve stop them? Did he really think that as well?

"I was near to tapping that ass but you know women" Bruce made a comment as he laughed along with the agents.

"If she dyed her hair blonde, the amount of jokes we could make then" Bucky smirked as he spoke loudly.

Natasha was just taking in all of the comments, you could see across her face that she didn't enjoy it at all, so she stood up and what they did next made you finally act.

They all looked at her ass and whistled "Romanoff, you should dance for us, show off those curves"

"I am a little hungry as well, you might as well move that pretty ass of yours and make us something to eat" One of the agents spoke up as he laughed.

You walked in as you raised your brows at the 5 men sitting and eyeing Natasha as a piece of meat, you pulled her into you causing her to jump a little but relax when she realised it was you.

They all looked at you and the other agent smirked "Are yous going to put on a lesbian show for us?"

Now you wasn't just unimpressed but also pissed, you pulled yourself away from the Russian as you stepped forwards in front of Natasha "Listen here you little dick, If I hear that you even looked at Natasha in any way, I will fucking haunt you and make sure you don't live to see tomorrow"

His friend was terrified, he gulped when you looked at him "As for you, I want you to go and make her a fucking five star meal and if it's not good, I swear to god you'll regret being born"

He shook his head so fast as he stood up but you stopped him with your powers "You want a show? I will fucking give you a show"

You gripped his face, squishing his cheeks very firmly, your hand started to glow blue as you made him hallucinate that he was in pain, from the fact that he couldn't move and he felt as if his skin was being peel off he only could scream.

You looked at the 4 men who looked very terrified of you, your eyes had flames and you wasn't going to go easy, on neither of them "If any of you ever comment anything sexist or inappropriate about any woman, including Natasha. I will make your life a living hell"

"Do yous understand?"

They shook their heads and scattered away from you as fast as they could, you let go of the dude in front of you, he looked weak but he gotten up so fast that you could swear he had powers as well.

You turned towards Natasha, worried "Are you okay? Did they touch you?"

You looked her up and down as you made your way towards her, she shook her head with a small smile. You pulled her into a hug as a single tear slid down Natasha's face.

You pulled away as you wiped that tear off with your thumb "Why didn't you act Nat?"

"What's the point? It wont stop them from saying what they want Y/n/n"

The pain in your heart was strong at the words, how could any woman not be scared of what could happen if they do protest against men.

You cupped her face as you looked into her eyes "Natasha Romanoff, I promise you that I will protect you from their filthy mouths"

She smiled, this time it met her eyes which caused you to smile. You crushed on Natasha for a long time and promised yourself that when the time was right you would tell her but each time it was harder to do so.

Her and Bruce at the time were something but when she decided to break it off, you were there for her you told her she didn't need to tell you the reason to why she decided that but reassured her that it was probably a good reason to do so.

Now you are holding her face as her eyes are locked with yours, you could feel those butterflies in your stomach raise up "I will be your knight in casual clothes because armour isn't my style"

She laughed with her whole heart, causing you to laugh as well "Gosh I love you.."

You froze at her words, and so did she, her eyes widen at her words but she knew there was no way out of this so she pulled her sleeve and started to fidget with it.

Your hands were on her face but dropped at those words, you stood still trying to understand what just happened, she continued as she looked down "I hope that's okay but I love you Y/n"

You couldn't believe your ears, the woman who always had trouble opening up, right now was vulnerable with her whole heart to you and you was stuck, frozen as you stared at her.

"I never had anyone stand up for me the way to did today, I started to realise that I had feelings that one day when you were near to death on that mission" She was still fidgeting with her sleeve.

"It's okay if you don't feel the same way but you just needed to know.." She confessed, she was standing in front of you holding her heart out in her hands, offering you to take it.

You smiled whole heartily as you looked into her eyes when you pulled her face by her chin "It's more than okay Tasha"

Your hands dropped to her hips as you pulled her in closer to you "Because I love you too"

That look in her eyes, you could see that she had those butterflies too, her eyes locked with yours, she tilted her head slightly to the side and crashed her lips against yours.

Her hands were placed on the back of your neck pulling you deeper into her kiss, you slowly backed her into the wall and when her back hit the wall, she gasped which you used the opportunity to slide your tongue inside her mouth.

The kiss became heated real quick, forgetting that the two of you were still in the public place, only when someone cleared their throat, make the two of you look where the sound came from.

Natasha hid her face in the crook of your neck as she quietly laughed at how awkward that is, you pulled yourself away from her as you looked in the direction of Tony, who looked at you with pure disgust.

"As if you never done this, but sorry you had to witness..." You rolled your eyes at him at first but looked over at Natasha who was still leaning on the wall "This"

She smiled as she intertwined her hand with yours and tugged it to pull you out of the living room, the two of you made it to her room but it wasn't long before you reclaimed her lips with your own.

This time it was a little bit more gentle, you backed her up to the bed as the back of her leg hit the bed frame, before you pushed her back and claimed on top of her.

The only light was the moonlight that was shining through the blinds, you kissed her passionately and redirected your kisses down to her neck, she moved her face to the side giving you more access to her neck.

You left marks as you slightly stank your teeth in but sucked the spot right after, earning a few small moans from the redhead beneath you, she was slowly turning into a mess but she managed to slightly pull you away.

"Don't you have a lot of work?" She asked a little worried but lust was more visible.

"It can wait" You declared as you looked into her eyes "Are you sure you want this?"

She smiled at you being caring and asking for consent "I want this детка (baby)"

You smirked as you placed a soft kiss on her lips and returned to her neck, giving it a couple more kisses and slowly moving down, the only thing that stopped you was the material of her clothes.

She slightly lifted herself off as you pulled her shirt off, exposing her upper body, you looked at her in admiration, her eyes had slight doubt across them but you were quick to reassure her.

"You are beautiful Tasha" You meant every word that came out of your mouth.

There was a blush across her cheeks as she smiled at you, your hand reached for the back of her bra as you unhooked it and pulled it off her.

You took couple of seconds to admire the view before attaching your mouth to her nipple, she bit her bottom lip to prevent her from moaning.

Your free hand glued itself to the other breast, giving it the same amount of attention as your mouth did, you moved your lips to her ear as your hand kept playing with her now hard nipple.

"I want to hear you Natty" You whispered into her ear and with that Natasha moaned into your ear causing a small smirk to settle on your lips.

You continued to kiss down her body until you reached the bottom of her stomach, you looked up at her to see if she was okay, she nodded to give you the confirmation.

You pulled her shorts off along with her underwear, exposing the bottom half of her body, you could smell her arousal which only fuel you on.

You teased her as you kissed her inner thigh, leaving marks there as well, you would from time to time lock eyes with her. You moved closer to her pussy, teasing her with your tongue causing some frustrated moans to escape her mouth.

Her hips would buck as you would teasingly lick her wet folds, she looked down at you as her eyes were consumed with lust "Please Y/n! Just fuck me already"

That's all you needed to hear before you attached your mouth to her dripping pussy, giving her clit the attention first as the more louder moans escaped her mouth.

You gripped her with your hands as your tongue worked it's magic against her hard clit, she was gripping the bed sheets as moans were spilling out of her lips, not caring if anyone heard.

You moved one of your hands as you slipped one of your fingers inside her and without letting her adjust you started to thrust into her, the feeling of pleasure was building up quickly in the bottom of her stomach with each thrust.

"Oh god" Those were the only words she managed to choke out, she was soaked which stoked up your own arousal along with her moans.

Her hips were quick to match your pace as you thrusted, bringing her closer and closer, you pushed the second finger inside and this time you curled the two fingers, hitting her spot all over again.

One of her hands gripped your arm as her nails dug into your skin, the other hand was still tightly gripping the bedsheet, her head was thrown back as you came up to her face.

Your pace of your fingers never slowing down but thrusting harder and fast "Let me show you how you should be treated instead darling.."

You kissed her lips as she moaned, you moved back down as you felt her walls tighten, knowing she was about to cum. You pushed your fingers even deeper into her, her breathing was heavy letting out low and loud moans.

You watched as the orgasm consumed Natasha with your name falling freely from her lips, you slowed down your thrusts to let her ride out her orgasm, holding her steady pulling your fingers out of her as you licked her clean, and moved back up to her lips.

Kissing her as she slightly moaned at the taste of herself into the kiss, you pulled away from her as she was still breathing heavily, staring into your eyes with a smile.

"Now it's your turn" She spoke in between breathes.

You shook your head "Not today darling, today's focus is you.."

You stripped yourself naked as you pressed your warm body against Natasha, glaring at the marks you left and holding her tight in your arms as she slowly calmed down from her high.

You were sure in this moment that you wanted to hear her moan your name till the rest of your life, it was the music to your ears and you didn't want it any other way.

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

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[elysiadjarin]

Day 1: Somnophilia

Day 1 of Kinktober! The first prompt is of course, somnophilia. Here’s my masterlist for my Kinktober challenge.

Warnings: Minors DNI, this is 18+ only content. Consensual somnophilia, cumplay, unprotected sex, nonhuman character, exophilia

Tags: Hat Man x reader, exophilia, kinktober

He Comes at Night

At first, you hadn’t been sure whether it was just another case of sleep paralysis, or actually something… else.

He always came at night, standing in your doorway as you lay on your back, unable to move. Though you were used to sleep paralysis and the oftentimes terrifying figures that came along with it, this one had been different every time it showed up. It just stood in your doorway, never really moving, just watching. You never felt the usual fear that came along with most sleep paralysis demons, just a sense of… calm.

It had gotten to the point where you’d simply learned to ride it out, accepting the calm of its presence until you fell back asleep. If anything, you’d started feeling a sense of comfort from its presence. Even living alone, you felt as though it were there as another presence, just to keep you some company. You’d even thought with a flash of amusement that maybe it was there to protect you.

But that was until a few nights ago. You’d found yourself abruptly awake again, immobile in bed. But it had been different. Your eyes wouldn’t open, and you distinctly felt something heavy on your blankets, pinning you to the bed. It felt far more tangible than anything else you’d ever experienced in a moment of sleep paralysis, and it unnerved you.

Of course, that’s when you heard… that. A whisper, slithering around you, crawling against your sheets as tangibly as the weights.

Sssso delicioussss. A poke at you. He’ssss finally not here. Hey, are you… awake?

Despite the situation, it wasn’t so much fear as annoyance that gripped you in the moment. If this sleep paralysis demon was enacting paralysis on you, why would you be able to respond?

A low cackle raked down your spine. That’sssss right, you can’t move, can you. Well, you won’t need to, sssssoon. Don’t worry, the chilling voice sneered, I’ll make ssssure you can feel it.

You’d just started to feel the panic set in when the weight was ripped off of you. A loud, fearful shriek pierced through the room, followed by a distinct crunching and gurgling.

I didn’t mean to, Hat Man, have merccccccy— The voice choked off in the thick air, just as your eyes snapped open.

Thick, black slime dripped from the mangled, gangly body that hung limply in the air. The figure that had been standing in your doorway every night now stood by your beside, a giant arm outstretched as dark talons clenched around the smaller creature. The black ichor dripped from its claws, and it threw the broken body down on the floor like a rag doll. It turned its head toward you again, but relief had crashed through you at its appearance.

The tall figure, now that it had appeared so close to your bedside, clearly towered at least seven feet tall. But even when it bent its whole body over, face nearing yours, you still didn’t fear it. It had leaned over, close enough that you could imagine that you felt its nonexistent breath on your face. Then it brushed against your forehead, as though it had kissed you gently back to sleep. You’d fallen back asleep as though knocked out.

And now, as you stood at your kitchen counter, holding a mug of tea, your mind had started to wander. Specifically, you’d started to wonder about your mysterious guardian. What had started out as a private sort of joke had turned into a reality, and you weren’t entirely sure what to make of it. The sensations and feelings had been far too concrete to be just a hallucination or just part of another sleep paralysis experience. Even now, you could still feel the sensation of the soft, gentle wisp of shadow brushing across your forehead.

Sighing, you dumped the mug into the sink and headed for bed, pulling at the hem of your large T-shirt. In the room, you slid off your shorts and put them on a chair, only in your underwear and shirt to sleep. Sitting on the edge of the bed, you took a moment to glance around the room. Your mind wandered to the weird, creepy spirit from the night before.

Tentatively, you decided to speak into the darkness. “Hey… I don’t know if you’re here right now, or—or listening, but… Hat Man. If you’re there, thank you. For saving me,” you said, tugging at your shirt. “I know I usually can’t move or talk, but… if you want company, you can come sit or lay down.” A little embarrassed at your own offer, you flopped back on the bed and rolled under the covers, burying your face in your pillow.

Even if it — he? — were there listening and you weren’t just talking to thin air, what would he think of your invitation? Was that too forward? Or weird?

You weren’t sure when exactly you fell asleep, but you certainly jerked awake sometime later when the bed next to you dipped. Your eyes opened, this time, and you saw the hulking figure almost meekly slide into bed beside you. His weight made your body slightly tip towards him, and he shifted to face you just in time to catch you against his chest. You noticed, now fully pressed against him, that he did have a slight, dusky sort of warmth, like the faint touch of a sunbeam filtering though curtains.

His giant talon paused, and he seemed to vacillate, as though unsure what to do with himself now that he was there. Tentatively, his fingers brushed against your arm. Your body seemed to gain a little bit more movement, just enough for you to sigh and lean further into his chest. He made you feel safe, and his presence was comforting. He didn’t seem to mind your advances, so you decided not to feel guilty as his giant arm wrapped around your back.

A soft, wispy hum escaped you, and you let yourself relax with the minimal movements the paralysis seemed to be allowing. You half-wished you could talk, just to speak with him. But at the same time, you could feel the drowsiness descend again. He felt too comfortable, and the solid weight of his body against yours made you melt like putty into the bed.

As you fell asleep, you swore you could feel the Hat Man brush another soft kiss to your forehead.

~

“Whoa, wait, you got yourself a Hat Man?” Your Tiefling coworker gave you a surprised look. “They usually only come into your life because they’re drawn in some way to protect you. Have you been doing okay? Staying safe?”

You nodded. “Well, I mean, now I am thanks to him,” you clarified, eyebrows furrowing. “What with my sleep paralysis and that weird… other thing.” You shuddered a little in disgust at the memory. “He’s been protecting me from whatever that thing was, I’m assuming.”

Harlow gave you a long look. “I didn’t want to really bring this up before, but do you know of anything in your heritage that might be… well, attractive to spirits? I’ve noticed before that you seem to draw the attention of non humans.”

You sighed, shoulders slumping. “Well, you’re not wrong,” you admitted, rubbing your arm. “When I was born, my grandmother told my parents that I had ‘the blood of a beacon,’” you said. “I had a talisman she gave me, but… it’s been years, so maybe the potency has worn off.”

He nodded. “Probably. Especially if you have beacon blood; I’m not surprised you drew a Hat Man to protect you. You might as well be the Ultimate Desire for them,” he remarked.

Your eyes widened at his comment. “Ultimate Desire?” you asked, startled. “I mean, I know that my blood is attractive to spirits for its potency in spirit energy. But what does Ultimate Desire mean? And why would Hat Man want that?” You noted that he called it a Hat Man. So it apparently was a type of spirit or entity.

“Hmm.” Harlow pursed his lips. “Well, an easy way to put it would be… the Hat Men are guardians of sources of energy like you. They’re fueled by the energy you have, so… it wouldn’t be inaccurate to say that he’s a personal bodyguard manifested by your beacon blood. The more your proximity or attention ‘fuels’ him and the more energy you give him, the stronger he’ll be and the better defense.”

You nodded thoughtfully. “Huh. So I’m basically… the ultimate source, I guess. I mean, for Hat Man.”

“Yep!” Then he gave you a sly grin. “So, you gonna get up close and personal with him?” His eyebrows wriggled at you teasingly.

Flushing, you reached over and shoved his shoulder. “Harlow, seriously!” you groaned.

He laughed, rubbing his arm exaggeratedly. “Aww c’mon, I’m just saying. He’s basically the one least likely to betray you. In other words, the safest way to get laid—“

You flounced off, leaving him to laugh and try to wheedle his way back into your good graces. Still, your mind wouldn’t stop wandering to the Hat Man. Wondered how much safer you’d feel if he decided to be just a little more handsy…

Whacking your face with your binder, you shook your head and scolded yourself. Really, Harlow must be influencing you more than you expected.

~

You slumped against the counter, groaning.

Maybe Harlow really had gotten to you, more than you’d really anticipated at first. His words kept ringing through your mind, leading to thought trains that you hadn’t really anticipated.

He’s a personal bodyguard… The more your proximity or attention ‘fuels him’ and the more energy you give him… He’s basically the one least likely to betray you.

With a defeated sigh, you picked yourself up and dragged yourself to your room. You’d wanted to go to bed early, for more reasons than you’d care to admit to yourself. Still, even as you turned the lights off and went to go change, you wondered if he would return tonight. If he’d still join you. If he’d stay.

Tugging at the T-shirt you’d slid on, you hesitated for only a moment before sliding your underwear off. Tossing it aside, you slid into bed, rolling onto your side and staring at the empty space across from you. Reaching out, you smoothed your hand against the sheets.

“I wish you were here, Hat Man,” you whispered into the quiet darkness.

To your surprise, your body almost instantly froze. A dark shape walked into view by the side of the bed, and the now-familiar talons lifted the sheets to slide into bed beside you. You vaguely wondered if the sleep paralysis the whole time had just been the spirits and now your Hat Man having an effect on you thanks to the lure of your blood.

Before you could think too much about it, though, the burly figure slid closer. Still, he didn’t hold you like he had before, and a pang of disappointment rushed through you. His arm lifted, then he seemed to hesitate.

Your body loosened a little, giving you that smidgen of movement you’d been granted last time. Without even a moment of thought, you rolled forward and snuggled into his chest again, the dusky warmth of his body soaking into you again. You sighed, gazing at the lines of his chest and the slashed scars that crossed the dark planes. Almost thoughtlessly, you traced your fingers against the edges of the scars.

You wondered how he’d gotten them. Were you the reason? Because he protected you? A pang of guilt ran through you for a moment.

He shifted, finally putting his arm around you again, as though he’d been waiting for the permission. His head bent a little, and he carefully seemed to nuzzle your hair, as though checking on you.

A little sleepy, you glanced up at him, noting the curve of his jaw. “Hi,” you breathed, your murmur quiet and wispy. Still, he pulled back and seemed to observe you curiously. His eyes, you finally noticed, had a faint sort of pale blue glow, dim in the darkness and only obvious from how close you were.

“Thank you,” you whispered, every word an effort. “For— this—“ Your fingers slipped across the lurid scars on his chest, your eyes starting to slide closed. But you fought it for a moment, determined to just… thank him. Properly. Mustering as much energy as you could, you sluggishly forced yourself up a little, just enough to brush your lips against his chin, the closest part of his face you could reach.

The talons tightened briefly against your waist, as though they’d convulsed in surprise. He seemed to freeze in front of you, processing what you’d just done.

You let out a sleepy hum, the drowsiness descending on you far faster than you would have liked. You wanted to talk with him. You wondered if he had a voice.

~

Harlow took one look at you. “Ohhh, someone’s sexually frustrated.”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “I can’t— Harlow,” you whined, feeling your entire face heat up.

He leaned against your desk with a sympathetic grin. “Look, if I call you out it’s only because I’m in the same boat or I’m about to help you. In this case both applies. Anyway, so, spill the tea.” He tilted his head, his polished horns gleaming under the office lights.

You sighed, then confessed everything to him. From the way you’d started feeling about your Hat Man to the way you’d started to… fantasize. Frustrated, you ran your fingers through your hair.

“I just… I don’t know if it’s because I’m lonely and he’s there, or if I— I don’t even know,” you sighed, closing your eyes in defeat. “I just don’t know.”

He chuckled, reaching over to pat your arm. “Look, like I said, Hat Men are there for protection. And by the sounds of it, yours is actually attracted to you. Spirits and entities like him don’t actively search for contact like that if they’re not interested in it.” He pursed his lips. “Not to mention, if you do actually get some— how big is he?”

You gave him a half-hearted glare. “Harlow—“

He snickered. “How tall is he. Seriously, you’re the one with the dirty mind here.” He flashed you that infuriating smirk as he teased you.

You rolled your eyes, giving up. “I don’t know, probably around seven feet? It felt like it, anyway, when he was standing beside the bed.”

“Oh so he’s stacked.” Harlow cackled. “But really, as I was saying, if you do bag that one, it’s quite the mutual benefit. It’ll be a direct method of energy transfer, not to mention that he’s absolutely probably going to be loyal to you if he gets those kinds of privileges.” He shrugged flippantly. “But that’s besides the point. Here’s what I’m going to suggest, so take this as you will.”

You left work that evening with your face burning but a solid plan from Harlow. You’d figure out later if you wanted to smack him or thank him.

~

That night, as you crawled into bed, you let out a breath and sat there, clutching the blankets. Biting your lip, you glanced toward the door.

“I hope you’ll join me again, tonight,” you ventured, calling out into the darkness of your room. Swallowing, you twisted the sheets in your fingers. “And… of course, you don’t have to, but… I’d love to be able to… to talk to you. Or— or hear more about you. If you can or want to communicate. I just…” You sighed.

“I don’t know if I have to not move when you’re around. I’m not sure how that works, but either way, I— I like having you around,” you admitted. “So… thank you. For protecting me. I hope you stay. You’re welcome to make yourself at home, here.” Taking one last glance at the door, you turned over and lay down. You self-consciously rubbed your legs together, almost embarrassed by your lack of clothing besides the T-shirt.

Would it be too obvious? Was it too much? Or maybe would that be enough-?

The bed behind you dipped just as you felt yourself seized by the paralysis again. But this time, it already felt minimal, as though the tight hold had been laxed even more than before. You rolled back, feeling your back hit the warmth of his chest. Every night, it seemed that he gained a little more solidity and form, and even more of a distinct body heat. The large arm wrapped around you again, sliding across your side and down your belly, talons slipping under your waist.

You hummed, the calm and contentment washing over you again with his presence. “Hi,” you murmured, your fingers managing to curl around one of his talons.

This time, to your mingled surprise and delight, you felt the soft huff of air against your neck like breath. It wasn’t really a sound, but it was something a little more. His face nudged against your neck and shoulder, while his lower body curled up as though to surround you as much as possible. Your heart pounded, almost giddy with the happiness that rushed through you.

“Missed you,” you breathed, your words less slurred than before. You weren’t fighting the sleepiness as hard tonight, and you wondered if it really was an effect that your Hat Man had on you or if it was something else. Still, you relished it.

His movements behind you paused, and you panicked for a split second, wondering if you’d scared him away. But then he nuzzled against you again, another huff washing over your neck. In the next moment, you heard a soft, rumbling growl, so deep that you almost wondered if you’d imagined it. The moment you heard it, your breath hitched. Your stomach clenched at the sound, heat pooling between your legs.

Your teeth sank into your lower lip helplessly, your entire body both aching and on fire where he touched you, held you. Chest heaving with a burning breath, you tried to control your reaction, suppressing your shiver. You didn’t want him to leave. Wanted him to stay.

Like a whisper, words bloomed in your mind, so softly that it took you a moment to realize you didn’t hear them aloud. So pretty. So soft, so kind. The deep voice, laced with a soft Brooklyn accent, took you off guard as it slithered through your mind.

Your back arched slightly, heat splashing across your cheeks. Before you could quite stop yourself, the way you arched made your ass press back against him. A soft gasp wrenched from your lips as you felt something distinctly hard and thick press back against you. It twitched slightly, and you could feel something damp soak into your T-shirt, smearing against your skin.

A low grunt sounded behind you, just as his hips jerked away. Abruptly, his body started to slide away from you, as though he were going to leave.

The desperation flashed through you, and you found yourself suddenly free to move. You rolled over, hand reaching out.

The both of you completely froze. Your eyes, wide open, riveted on his, your fingers splayed across the scars on his chest. His blue eyes, dim but clearly focused on your face as his chest heaved under your hand.

“Please,” it spilled from your lips, quiet and desperate in the silence. “Don’t leave.”

After a moment, he gingerly lifted his hand and reached for your face, talons barely brushing across your cheek. The whisper floated through your mind again. Sorry… The embarrassment was clear in his voice, and a pale blue flush spread over the area of his cheeks. For some reason, it made him even more endearing.

“You don’t have to be,” you whispered back, sure that your own cheeks were flushed with arousal and embarrassment.

He drew closer again, as though he couldn’t help himself. His face neared yours. So pretty. So warm. Sweet. The murmur was followed by the revealing of his mouth. A maw that split open the dark silhouette, black tongue sliding over sharp fangs. Wouldn’t want ta take advantage, sweetheart. Your acceptance of his advances seemed to embolden him. Don’t wanna be too greedy.

You swallowed. “I… I want you to.” Your breath quickened a little, glancing down at his maw. “You can… I— I want you to have my energy,” you offered shyly.

The eyes flared, trailing down your body. Want you. Soft. Sweet. Pretty. He seemed fixated on the description, repeating them again. Still, you couldn’t help but find yourself liking his attention.

“You can have me. Whenever.” You bit your lip briefly. “Even if I’m asleep, if you need energy… if you— if you want.”

His breath washed over your cheek as he bent closer than ever before. Kind. His telepathic voice washed over you, saturated with adoration. Kind to Varen. His tongue gently swiped over your cheek.

You half-whimpered. “Kiss?” you pleaded, desperate for more contact.

His mouth slid across yours, gentle and without a hint of teeth. His tongue flickered over your lips, and you welcomed it. His tongue slid across yours, lithe and gentle. His talons wrapped around your waist again, pulling you into his chest. His name slipped from your lips, soft and needy, and he responded instantly in the way his body shifted closer, half-pinning you under him. His lips slid across yours, trailing down your cheek, your jaw, your throat.

To your frustration, you could feel yourself getting almost unbearably sleepy, the drowsiness tugging at you again. You suddenly wondered if it had to do with him drawing on your energy, feeding off of it, but in the next moment you were completely distracted by the way he gently rutted against your thigh.

Despite your best efforts, you fell asleep.

You dreamed.

Dreamed of Varen, mostly, your mind fantasizing about his claws wrapping around you, pushing you further into the bed, hands wandering further. Of him sliding your T-shirt up, tangling his talons around it, using it as leverage to keep your body still as he slid his cock between your thighs. You swore you could feel it, could feel his talons pricking faintly against your skin as he rutted between your thighs, his tongue dragging over your shoulder and up the arch of your neck.

You could even feel the way his precum started dribbling down your skin, smearing across your thighs, mingling with your own wetness, coating his cock as he slid it against you. And then his cock angling up, just as his talons tightened around your hips and pulled you down against him. His tip slid into you, just as his breath washed over your shoulder.

You woke up as Varen’s maw closed over your shoulder and he pulled you all the way down onto him. Still groggy and half-disoriented from waking up, you could only let out a strangled whine and arch your back, unwittingly pressing yourself further against him. The insistent throb of him inside you and the way your body clenchedaround him was proof that it wasn’t just a dream.

You were still groggy, whimpers spilling from your lips as you lay there pliantly, not resisting anything he was doing. You stayed half-asleep, already blissed out just by the sensation of him filling you.

So good. His soft accent curled through your frazzled mind, satisfied and soothing. So pretty. Doing so good, sweetheart. It’s okay, you don’t have to do anything. Gonna take care of you, pretty.

The knot in your core kept tightening, coiling with every gentle thrust he made, his hips fairly rolling against you. He shifted behind you, his claws gentle but decisive as he rolled you onto your stomach. His body followed, pinning you under him as his legs tangled with yours and his talons around your hips held you in place. He mouthed your shoulder, just barely pricking you with his fangs as his tongue soothed over the soft bites.

Your eyelashes barely fluttered, your body bathed in the dusky heat of pleasure. Despite being half-asleep, the way he steadily pumped in and out of you was so careful, so gentle. You already felt entirely wrecked, tears slipping down your cheeks as you whined. The angle and the way he curled up inside you kept hitting that one spot that sent stars flashing behind your eyelids every time he thrust. Your fingers clenched in the pillow, body trembling. You were so close.

Pretty little thing. Varen cooed, infatuation saturating every word, every thrust into you. Being so good. So… close… The soft, deep growl rumbled through his chest and down into you as well.

The tight coil inside you burst, like a coiled spring. The dusky heat washed through your body in a wave of pleasure, your orgasm roiling through you with a steady but undeniable strength. Varen fucked you through it, extending your orgasm as you trembled and sobbed out his name. He never let go of you, whispering your name as he kissed your throat and praised you softly.

It wasn’t until you’d come down that he came, jerking against you and letting out a low moan. His hips pressed flush against yours, his seed spilling into you with a rush of warmth that settled in you, soaking into the rest of your body. You basked in it, utterly spent and satisfied in a way you couldn’t remember ever being before.

Vaguely, you felt Varen roll back onto his side, pulling you along with him. Though he didn’t pull out of you, he still nuzzled against your neck and curled around you, pulling you flush against him.

You fell back asleep to the sensation of warmth and comfort.

When you woke up the next morning, Varen was gone. The only proof you had of last night was a small smear of faint blue on your inner thigh and the feeling of warmth still pooling in your belly, like a kernel of heat. With a smile, you looked up at the doorway again.

“Thank you, Varen,” you said softly. “I’ll see you tonight.”

The only answer you received was a small flash of blue that flickered in the doorway.

~ Bonus! ~

Harlow took one look at you as you walked into work before letting out a whoop. “Heck yeah, bestie got laid!” He laughed, hugging you.

You couldn’t even bring yourself to be annoyed at him, though you shook your head with a sigh. “Thanks for your advice, Harl,” you said, smiling.

He grinned, throwing his arm around your shoulders. “Course, what are best friends for? Best wingman award who?” he cackled. “Anyway, tell me the dirty details. Oh, should we go celebrate?”

You shook your head. “Never change, Harl. Never change.”

[neonacity]

LUCID | NCT DREAM ‘00 LINE X READER | CH.6

LUCID DREAMS - A TYPE OF DREAM WHEREIN THE PERSON IS AWARE THAT THEY ARE CAUGHT IN A DREAM WORLD.

Summary: It was supposed to be a harmless, professional transaction. You were to tutor a group of boys, get your pay at the end of the day, and go home to your loving fiance. Kids aren’t supposed to be dangerous, right? So why, then, are you caught up in a web of madness that slowly makes you feel like you’re in a living nightmare?

NOTE:This is a yandere plot featuring NCT Dream ‘00 line which means there will be mature themes in the story as well as obsessive, toxic behavior. If you’re a minor, please refrain from interacting. If this isn’t your thing, then just scroll and skip. In no way am I condoning anything written here— this is not love, this is obsession—nor do I think that any of the people mentioned here will act any way like in this story. This is purely a work of fiction.

Genre: yandere, horror, suspense

TW: abuse, obsessive behavior, toxic relationships, suggestive scenes, stalking, possible kidnapping, mental health. Age gap–though nothing dramatic. Everyone is of legal age, drugs, slight smut for this chapter but nothing graphic, questionable consent (?) I guess? Creepy, creepy, creepy! This will be updated as the story goes along.

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5

“EVERYONE HAS A DARKER NATURE. EVERYONE. GOOD MEN FEAR IT, AND EVIL MEN EMBRACE IT.” - JAMES ISLINGTON

The silent hum of the air conditioning filled the space like a foreboding chant. Nothing else but the sound of the hospital machinery and random noises outside pierced the stillness of the room as you stared, unseeing, at the green and orange numbers that blinked on the monitor above the bed. 

You barely have any recollection of how you managed to find yourself in the hospital, but you do remember brief memories of Taeyong picking you up from the floor you found yourself crumpled on after you got the call. You remember seeing Jaehyun's parents at a brightly lit corridor and his mother pulling you into a hug as she broke down and his father telling you how his son hasn't woken up since he was brought to the emergency room.

You remember your heart breaking in shock, mind too numb from the godforsaken pills you have been taking and your own injury. So many times you wondered to yourself if you were still caught in one of your nightmares, but every time you tried to break free from it, you're slapped back with the reality of how all of this is real.

Your fingers gently tightened on Jaehyun's hands now as your gaze landed on his face. He looked so peaceful, like he's just sleeping, that you almost wanted to bend over and try to kiss him awake. You don't even have any idea what time and day it is already, but you have barely left his side since you were brought to him. The nightmares and sleeplessness? They're barely a problem for you anymore because right now, you're entirely not resting at all unless your body forces you to crash from physical exhaustion. Even then, you usually only sleep for about two to three hours at best to make sure that you never miss a moment with your fiance.

"Severe traumatic head injury. He was lucky enough that the airbag shielded him from the worst of the impact."

The words of his attending doctor echoed in your head again like a faraway voice. You could only remember bits and pieces of what he said to his parents back then as he reported his findings, but you caught enough context for you to draw a picture of the situation. You remember Jaehyun's mother asking the chances of her son waking up again, her voice barely holding up from her emotions. 

"I cannot promise anything, Ma'm. I'd say he has a 60 percent chance. He's fighting."

And he is. You know Jaehyun inside out. He might be unconscious now, but there is no way he is giving up. Not from something like this. 

"Keep fighting baby…" you whispered in the stillness of the room as you lifted his hand gently to your lips to kiss. "I'll wait for you. We still have a wedding to do."

The slight creaking of the door barely made you look away from his sleeping face. You only did at the gentle sound of a throat clearing, your eyes slightly widening as you recognized the man who just walked inside the room. Taeil had the same mildly shocked look on him as he stopped on the  other side of the bed across from you. 

"You…"

"Are you a relative of the patient?" He asked now as he tucked his clipboard under his arm. You simply nodded, watching him quickly glance at the numbers on the monitor before his eyes settled on you again.

"I'm his fiancee."

That made him raise his brows slightly. He pulled a pen now from the pocket of his coat to quickly write something on his file. "What a coincidence. Not a good one obviously. I'm sorry to hear about him. Mr. Jung, right?"

You swallowed. You didn't want to acknowledge anything that he just said so you tried to divert the conversation instead.

"You're not his doctor. Why are you…"

"Oh. He was turned over to me today. I am one of the resident neurologists here but he had to be moved to me because his first doctor has too much in his plate already. Don't worry, I was briefed properly about his case."

Your gaze followed Taeil as he bent over to check Jaehyun's oxygen level as well as the other wires attached to him. You don't know what to feel about him taking over, but at least you already know him previously.

"Are there any changes? Positive ones?" You asked in a frail voice that Taeil definitely didn't miss. You told yourself to not act silly and ask questions that probably do not have answers yet, but you couldn't help yourself now. The man seemed to think over his words first, noticing your state, before calmly giving his reply.

"No particular ones, but the fact that there are no negative developments is… something. I will have to request for some tests to be done on him again tomorrow so we can see if there are positive changes in his brain."

Neutral. Not good, but at least it's not bad either.

"How are you? I was about to check on you again. Is your head okay?"

You were still thinking over his words that you barely caught his question. Looking up, you tried to scramble for an answer to give. To be honest, you haven't given proper attention to your own injury since this happened. You would even only remember to take your medications on your clearest, less anxious moments, which, honestly, isn’t a lot. 

"I'm uh… the wound has closed. But the headaches. They're still there."

He simply nodded. "Any other side effects?"

You didn't immediately answer. You didn't want to sound whiny, but it's not like you're going to lose anything by telling him the uglier parts of your recovery. You swallowed to try and dislodge the slight blockage in your throat.

"Nightmares…" you said now, voice soft. You briefly remembered the last one you had back in the manor before you woke up to the bad news and you felt your stomach turn again. "Lots of them. Hallucinations sometimes…"

The doctor watched you carefully and you know he is trying to compute things in his mind despite his face remaining calm.

"Have you been keeping to your schedule with your medications? Are you taking too much?"

You firmly shook your head no to his last question.

"No, I haven't been overdosing. But… I've been skipping my pills the last few days because of...because of this."

"How have you been feeling since you started missing your dosages then? Do you remember?"

That made you actually stop and think about it for a moment. Now that you are paying attention, you did notice how the nightmares have calmed down slightly. Even the hallucinations are almost gone. You frowned slightly to yourself.

"A bit… better actually."

Taeil took his time to observe you a bit more before writing something on a new page of his clipboard.

"You must have had severe reactions to the mixture of pills I gave you. I'm going to prescribe you new ones and ask the nurses to pick them up and bring them to you here. Can you promise that you'll try and take them though? You really need them to fully heal."

You nodded and gave him a slightly sheepish look.

"I will, thank you very much."

Taeil dug his hands into the pockets of his coat and gave you a gentle smile.

"Well, that's it for today. I'll come back tomorrow to give you updates about Mr. Jung." He had already turned and started walking away when he suddenly stopped to look at you again.

"Oh, and another thing. Please try and get some sleep. Recover… and then focus on helping your fiance."

******* You didn't really know what woke you up. Stirring from your sleep, the first thing that registered to you was the sound of distant traffic mixed with the gentle chirping of the morning birds from outside the window. A warm feeling radiated on your cheek and made the back of your eyelids glow red.

You flickered your eyes open and immediately rolled away to escape the ray of sunshine that slipped from the open curtains and shone directly at your face. You easily evaded it as you moved over to the other side of the bed which was empty and cold from the night before.

That was when you finally remembered that you were back in your home, in the same bedroom you share with Jaehyun. The day before, his mother offered to take the responsibility of watching over him so there was a sudden change of plans that finally gave you the reason to check back into your apartment after so long. If it were you, you would have preferred not leaving your boyfriend’s side until he wakes up, but you also knew that your future mother-in-law wanted to spend time with him so you relented. 

Of course you weren't thrilled to be home alone, especially with Jaehyun not being there, but the comfort that a real mattress provided—over the small couch you used to sleep in back at the hospital—is definitely a welcome change for your body. You even tried to take your medicine properly, the new ones that Taeil had provided, in the hopes of getting knocked down fast. Your adrenaline and anxiety had been fueling you in the past days, but you know from the way your heart thumped and your hands shook that you need a solid rest.

And you got it. You still feel a little groggy now but your body is definitely lighter and your head clearer. The nightmares didn't even come, and while they were replaced by total darkness or dreams in white that still made you anxious, you are willing to take those anytime over the graphic ones that you used to have.

You gently sat back against the headrest of the bed now and reached out for your phone to check the time. It's barely 7AM but as expected, Jaehyun's mom has already provided you with updates from the hospital. He’ll have some tests taken today as Taeil advised and then they’ll hear more about his progress. From the looks of it, she seems still set on watching over her son, which means you still have at least today free to yourself.

You quickly typed a reply to her and sighed. You’re thankful that even though you weren’t related by blood, his parents have always treated you as if you were their own. Having a family is not something you’ve really experienced in your childhood, so that’s something you’ve always appreciated about them. That is also the reason why you wish for the best out of this situation, because you also couldn’t bear seeing your fiance’s mother and father heartbroken. He’s their only son, after all.

A quick look around your room left you feeling empty. The last week has been so hard that it felt longer and now you’re struggling to find your normal pace again. In an effort to bring yourself to focus, you decided to pick up your phone once more and started flipping through your calendar to check your schedule. It didn’t take long for you to frown when you realized the upcoming dates there. You’ve plotted important academic schedules in advance and one quick look at it told you how much you’ve obviously missed in the past week. You’ve been so lost in the mess of everything that has happened that you’ve entirely forgotten about your job at the manor. You realized that they didn’t even call you once to ask about your absence, probably because they also know about the situation, but even that is not enough excuse for you to entirely fall off the radar.  

Biting your lip, you quickly scrolled through your contacts now to look for the number you need. Your thumb hovered over the call button momentarily, but you eventually pressed it anyway. Your eyes wandered towards the clock on the wall, hoping silently to yourself that it wasn’t too early for you to call.

“Rosewood Manor, how can I help you?”

You straightened on your seat.

“Hey, Taeyong. It’s me. Sorry if I called so early.”

The other boy seemed to have been taken slightly by surprise by the way he fell silent at the other end of the line. You tapped your finger against your knee, waiting for him to speak again.

“Hi. No, it’s fine. Work started for me about an hour ago. Are you okay? How’s things on your end?”

You nibbled guiltily on your lower lip and finally got off your bed to walk over to the window. You pushed the curtains open and stared at the slight snowfall that had started falling on the ground. You’ve missed so many days of reporting to them but the first thing he does is to check if you’re fine.

“I um—things are still the same. My boyfriend’s still at the hospital.”

“Oh… I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“Look, I want to apologize. I haven’t really reported to work and I didn’t even call about it. It’s just that—things have been so crazy lately, but still that isn’t an excuse for me to just not show up.”

Taeyong, however, was understanding as always. You were about to go off for another round of apologies when he gently cut you off. 

“Hey, it’s fine. We know you’ve been dealing with a lot lately so we also weren't expecting anything. Don’t worry too much about it.”

“But, the boys’ examinations and portfolio review is happening in three days and I haven’t really checked in with them. How are they doing now?”

“Oh...that. Well, we actually tried looking for a temporary tutor to help out but I...uh… I think he isn't really cutting it. Maybe because he isn’t the one who started the program with them. But he’s a big help still.”

“Oh god, I’m so sorry about that. I should have at least—look, I can drop by today and just try to fix things.”

“Are you sure? You really don’t have to. Don’t you need to be at the hospital?”

You started going around your room now, trying to gather the scattered papers and files that you’ll need. It’s a good thing you woke up early so you still have time to prepare for work. “My boyfriend’s mother is the one watching over him today so I have the day off.”

“And your injury? How is it?”

Your eyes landed on the new bottles of medicine sitting on your bedside table.

“Better. I’m feeling so much better.”

You heard Taeyong sigh in relief over the phone. “Thank god. We were so worried about that. Well, you really don’t need to go, but if you have time, I guess doing it today won’t hurt. It will help us a lot.”

A small smile tugged at your lips now and you switched the phone over to your other ear as you started arranging your bag. “Thank you so much for being understanding. I need a distraction anyway. I’d rather work than stay home alone… Thanks for not firing me.”

That made him laugh a little. “I’ll tell the boys that you’re coming over. Oh, and be careful on your drive here. The roads are a little bit slippery today because of the snow.”

“I will, thank you. I’ll be there by 9.”

******* “Noona!”

You have barely finished arranging your materials on your desk when the door to the room burst open and ushered an anxious-looking Jisung inside. You looked up quickly at him, only barely catching Chenle wobbling with his crutch before your vision of the entrance was blocked by Jisung’s tall frame. His hair looked swept up as if he ran and there was a slight flush staining his cheeks. He stopped right in front of you, stopping just in time for him not to topple you over.

“Hey, Jisung how are—” You tried to give him a smile but he was quick enough to grab your hands between his.  

“Are you back? Are you really back for real?” He pressed now, eyes wide as he tried to bend over to look closely at you. He looked like a puppy, the only missing thing being a wagging tail to complete the look. You couldn’t help the brief laugh that passed over you as you tried to calm him down.

“I am. For the day, yes. Sorry I missed so many of your sessions.”

“We thought you left us,” Jisung continued, his lower lip protruding just a bit. Just then, Chenle had finally reached the two of you, a slightly embarrassed look on his face. This is actually the first time you saw him again since the day the two of you had your accident and you’re glad to see him healthy despite his broken leg.

“Hi, Chenle. How are you?”

The boy scratched the back of his head and looked away slightly. “Fine… I’m sorry, noona. I wasn’t able to visit you when you stayed with us. I’m really really sorry about what happened in the forest.”

You tried to give him a reassuring smile and freed one of your hands from Jisung’s hold to ruffle his hair. The action seemed to have calmed him down a little because he finally looked at you again, a small apologetic smile on his own lips.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault. But be careful next time, okay?”

“Are you going to be our tutor again, noona?” Jisung pressed once more and you turned your attention back to him. To be honest, you’re still not sure how your schedule will turn out after this, but you couldn’t really bear to break the poor boy’s heart at the moment.

“Yes… I’m here to teach your big brothers today for their tests though. We’ll have to schedule you and Chenle’s lessons again. Is that alright?”

A brief look of disappointment flashed on his face but he was quick enough to pick it up. Jisung smiled and gave your hand a squeeze.

“Okay. We can wait. It’s good you are back, Jaemin-hyung was so—”

“Yah, don’t hog her by yourself. You’ll scare her away.”

A new voice made the three of you look back to the doorway. Haechan smiled at your little group as he strolled casually into the room followed by Jeno and Jaemin. The three of them joined your crowd and you felt Jisung finally let go of your hand as he stepped away to go over to his brothers’ side.

“Hi. Sorry, I only returned now. Taeyong told me that you—”

You weren’t able to finish what you wanted to say as Haechan gently stopped you mid-sentence. He leaned his head to the side, eyes briefly scanning you from head to toe. Unlike Jisung, he looked calm and only barely excited.

“It’s fine. We knew you’ll come back. How are you?”

“Oh… I’m good. My head is better. I haven’t had the chance to thank all of you for taking care of me when I was here.”

“How about your boyfriend?” It was Jeno who asked this time and you quickly turned to him to address his question. Your eyes briefly slipped to Jaemin who was standing behind him before you could even speak though, and for a moment you had the impression that Jeno was shielding him—or blocking him from you. You blinked a little bit in confusion, wondering if it was just your imagination that was making you think that way.

“He’s still… still unconscious,” your smile dropped a little but you tried your best to keep your voice casual. “We’re getting more tests for him. His doctor said that he isn’t showing bad signs at least.”

“I’m so sorry to hear about him,” Haechan said with compassion and you gave him a grateful look. Your gaze settled on Jaemin again, however, who for some reason had barely looked at you since he came into the room. You know that he can be quiet and reserved at times, but there is something in the air around him that makes you slightly worried. He’s so still, but the way he carries himself makes it seem like he’s so strung up at the same time. It also doesn’t help that Jeno seems to be almost pushing him back from view.

“Hi Jaemin… How are you?” You tried to gently ask him to make sure that he is okay. He didn’t look at you at first, but when he finally did, you felt yourself freeze a little. His eyes looked dark and almost emotionless when he met yours and there were shadows under them as if he hadn't slept properly for days. He didn’t even answer and just simply stared, his gaze blank and accusing at the same time.

Haechan casually glanced over his brother and chuckled. “Our Jaeminie here has been sick for the past couple of days so he’s a little out of it. But he’s going to be fine now,” he put a hand over the other’s shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze as if to calm him down. “Right, Jaemin? We’ll try our best to go to class today since noona is finally back, hmm?”

Jaemin, however, didn’t even seem to hear him. He continued staring at you the same way that kept you pinned on your spot.

“Are you leaving again?” he finally asked and you almost felt goosebumps rise on your skin. It didn’t sound like a question… but more of a threat. You swallowed.

“I’m going to have to arrange my schedule till things get better…” you answered carefully, as if you’re navigating dark waters. That didn’t seem to cut it for him, unfortunately.

“So you’re not leaving. Forever?”

You blinked. To be honest, you’ve been thinking of quitting and just finishing the rest of the month if things didn’t improve, but you don’t think that’s the right answer to give at the moment.

“No… not for now,” you finally managed to say. You watched as Jaemin seemed to visibly relax, his stiff shoulders loosening under Haechan’s grip. He didn’t say anything after that, but he at least looked away, seemingly more satisfied with your words.

“Great. I think we should get to work,” Haechan broke the silence and looked around the room as if the tension you were feeling was just something only you could feel. He nodded towards Chenle and Jisung then. “You guys go back to your own classes. You’ll have your share of noona once it’s your turn.” He then glanced at you, smile still in place. “Should we start then?”

You nodded. “Is Renjun still not back?”

“Not yet. He’s going to be here tomorrow though,” Jeno answered as he took his seat on one of the desks.

“I see…”

Haechan also found his spot, but not before you’ve noticed him urging Jaemin to do the same. Playfully, he took the pencil you’ve arranged on the desk and started tapping it against the wood of the table.

“Don’t worry. We’ll tell him you’re back. I’m sure he can’t wait to have his lessons again~”

******* You looked over the window for the third time in the last fifteen minutes and sighed. The day had been busy with you trying to catch up on the boys’ lessons that you barely even noticed the state of the weather outside. When you finally did, it took you by surprise when you saw how much of the ground was covered by snow—one look at it told you that it is at least a feet deep by now. Your first instinct was to try and maneuver your car out of the lot before your tires get entirely buried in it, but then you remembered that you promised to wait for Taeyong to come back before leaving the manor. The butler requested for you to temporarily watch over the manor while he tries to do some last minute errands back in the city, but it’s been two hours since he originally promised to come back. You eyes glanced at your watch now, then back at the quickly darkening view outside. 

“...severe snowstorm has blocked some of the main roads in the city at the moment. Expect heavy traffic and don’t forget to drive safely.”

You turned to the television now to catch the last of the rambling dialogue of the reporter about the weather. You’ve been debating on whether to call Taeyong or not to check on him, but you didn’t want to seem impatient to go home when you only really wanted to make sure if he’s safe. From the looks of it, he’s stuck somewhere because of the hale, too.

You were on your way to get your phone from your bag to at least try to shoot him a message when you suddenly heard it ring. Getting it just in time, you almost sighed in relief when you saw his number there. You quickly took it and went over to the window to answer it to make sure you get some proper signal.

“Hello? Taeyong?”

“Hey. Finally. I’ve been trying to call you for the last hour, thank god it finally connected.”

“Oh, sorry, my phone’s in my bag. I think the signal’s getting bad because of the snowstorm. Where are you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, about that, I’m still stuck in town. The traffic’s so bad here because a section of the main road is blocked. Road maintenance is supposed to come thirty minutes ago but I think there’s a delay because there are other roads they are working on.”

Your gaze drifted back to the television where scenes of the same blocked avenues were being flashed. “Yeah… the news says the same.  Are you safe though?”

“I am. I’m really sorry for making you wait. I’d tell you to drive back and not wait for me anymore but I don’t think you’ll also make it home in time with all this traffic going on. I don’t think it’s going to be safe. Do you mind waiting for a little bit more? I’ll tell you once the roads are better.”

You thought it over quickly, a frown settling on your face. You really want to go home, but he’s right. There’s no point in trying to drive back if you’ll only find yourself stuck in the roads for hours. Not being a big fan of night driving yourself, you can already imagine the stress waiting for you if you add a snowstorm to the mix. As much as you wanted to leave, you’re left with no choice, at least for the moment.

 “I can… I’ll just wait for you, I guess. Do you want me to do anything here while you’re gone? Dinner for the boys?”

“Oh no, no, you don’t need to do that, that’s not part of your job,” Taeyong sounded abashed when he said that. You stepped away from the window then and took a seat by the fireplace that Jeno started earlier. Half of your concentration was on the news which has now shifted to a different set of reports also caused by the snowstorm. “They’ll know when to go down and eat. Don’t worry about them. Where are they right now?”

“Ah, I think they went back to their rooms? I did tell them earlier that I’ll try to wait for you.”

“I see. Yes, I think that’s better. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated. If things don’t get better, I think I’ll have no other choice but find a hostel here and wait for the weather to calm down. You can stay there and just ask for help from any of them. You can stay in the same room just in case.”

You didn’t quickly react to the offer. Instead, your eyes flickered to the doorway of the room before refocusing your attention back to the conversation. It’s not like you have anything against spending the night again at the manor—you’ve done it before, after all—but it’s honestly not really something you’re comfortable to do again. Maybe it’s because you’ve never really been okay with overstaying at strangers’ houses but your gut feel is also telling you right now that it shouldn’t be your top option regardless of the situation you are in.

Still, you didn’t want to come off rude to Taeyong, not when he is only being kind to offer you temporary shelter while being stuck in the middle of nowhere himself. So instead, you went against your initial doubts and offered him your thanks in return. It’s just Plan B that he’s proposing after all. 

“I will. Keep me updated though if you need anything you think I can help with.”

“Thank you and I will. I have to go now though. Please make yourself at home. I’ll try to call again after an hour.”

“Okay. Take care.”

You put your phone down now with a worried frown as you heard the line drop. You couldn’t believe this is happening the first day you got back to work but it’s not like you can really blame anyone for it. The only good thing is that you’re sure Jaehyun is being taken care of right now so that is at least one thing off your shoulders. You didn’t really need to rush anywhere, not especially to a vacant home. Leaning back against your seat, you tried your best to relax as your gaze travelled around the room once again. You deliberated on sending a text to your mother-in-law to tell her about your situation but decided against it, not wanting to worry her more. You sighed. For now, you guess you didn’t have any other choice but to wait.

You did try to distract yourself by watching the news for a few more minutes before finally giving up on it. With resignation, you picked yourself up from your seat again and turned the television off. For a moment you simply stood in the middle of the room, trying to figure out what to do with your time when your gaze settled on the door again. Everyone retreated to their own rooms after they finished with their lessons so it means the house is pretty much yours for exploring if you wanted to. You toyed with the idea for a little bit, before finally resigning yourself to it. It’s not like there really is anything else left for you to do, and Taeyong did say you can make yourself feel at home if you wanted to. With a sigh, you finally turned on your heels to leave the room and peered silently into the hallway. It was deserted as expected, but still your eyes travelled left and right to check if there’s anyone out and about at this hour. It was only after you made sure that you were alone when you finally allowed yourself to step into the corridor.

Of course, you have a plan. You’re pretty much sure that checking out the rooms on the first floor is acceptable since it’s where you’ve been rotating your classes so you’re going to stick to those areas. You remember finding a library there once and you focused on finding your way to it to maybe check out some of the books in the collection. 

It did take you about five minutes to finally find the place you were looking for. For some reason, the sections in the manor always confuse you no matter how many times you try to memorize each one, probably because of how big and similar-looking they are on the outside. You’ve already tried four doors when you were finally welcomed by the familiar-looking bookshelves at the fifth one. You sighed and gave one quick look around the room before slipping yourself inside after making sure that you’re alone.

There will probably never be a time when you won’t find yourself fascinated by anything in this grand home. If the architecture of the mansion is not enough to convince anyone how rich the family is, their book collection is enough to assure that at the very least. You’ve only ever taken a quick glimpse of it once during one of your lessons with the boys, but one look of the titles in their shelves is enough to make any literature major excited. You looked at the floor to ceiling collection now, your fingers gently running over the spines of the books you could reach with a small smile on your face.

You were about to check out the rest of the collection on the other side of the wall when something in the middle of the room caught your attention. You didn’t really catch it at first because of the shadows that concealed it when you first came in, but you could pretty much discern the outline of a blanket covered standee now from where you stood. You frowned. Taking careful steps, you closed the distance towards it to try and figure out what exactly it is that you’re seeing.

A closer look revealed it to be an easel covered with white cloth. You could see the outline of the canvas where the blanket falls over it while shadows of colors peeked out into the thin fabric from the surface it was covering. How odd… you knew that Renjun had a different art room for his paintings so to see this now here in the middle of the library seems uncanny.

You didn’t know how long you remained standing in front of it, too. You know you should have walked away—after all, the white cloth hiding it away from plain view means whatever is on that canvas is not meant for everyone’s eyes to see, but you simply couldn’t tear yourself away from it. It’s as if there was a silent force asking you to pull that cloth to reveal what’s underneath, the inclination so strong that you could almost hear its voice breathing down next to your ear, unrelenting until you do what it says.

The next thing you know, you had your hand attached to one end of the fabric. You stared at it now, wondering last minute if you should go ahead or not. You swallowed and glanced around one last time around the room. If you’re alone… it wouldn’t hurt if you could take a peek, right? Nobody will know. You just have to see, then cover it back again. Before you could even think about it too much, your arm was finally moving on its own as it gently tugged at the covering. You watched as it fell gently on the floor, like a bodiless ghost melting into the shadows on the ground.

Your eyes couldn’t make out what you were seeing at first. The dim lighting of the room wasn’t helping at all, but you were sure that it was a woman’s silhouette that was staring back at you from the canvas. Colors swirled around her, like some unknown mass trying to drag her back into unknown depths. Shapes and tones jumped from the picture, but her form stood out from the rest, gracefully twisted as if she was in the middle of trying to fight and succumb to it at the same time. You frowned. Taking a step closer towards it, you tried to study its details under what little illumination the lamps above afforded you.

That’s when it all happened simultaneously. Your heart stopped beating the same time your eyes widened as they finally focused on what’s in front of them. It’s as if the ground suddenly vanished from underneath your feet and you were falling, falling, deep into the abyss despite your body being frozen in fear and shock.

You know this painting. You’ve seen it before. It was the same one by Renjun, the one that you saw on your first day working in the manor.

But it was different now. Instead of the unfinished state that caught your attention before, everything about the picture now is in sharp focus. The lines on the woman’s nude body, the hands—which you thought were simply dark swirls dragging her back—and her face twisted beautifully in pleasure and madness stared back at you like a nightmare.

But it was not those which truly shook you to your core. It’s the realization that it was your own face in the portrait that was staring back at you, silently screaming for you to run away.

You stumbled back in shock. Your chest felt tight as you tried to grasp for air while your hands fumbled to find something to hold on to keep you from crashing on the ground. Before you could even take another step, however, something hard hit your back and you felt strong arms wrap around your waist like a vice. You have barely realized what was happening when you felt someone lean over your shoulder, lips pressing against the shell of your ear.

“Isn’t it beautiful? You’re the perfect muse, don’t you think?” Renjun asked softly as he pressed a gentle kiss to your temple.

******* You didn’t know how long you stayed frozen in his embrace. For a brief moment you thought you were dreaming again until you felt his arms slowly tighten around your waist. As if a jolt of electricity shocked you, you immediately turned to push him away as you scrambled to put some distance between the two of you.

Renjun didn’t seem the least bothered when your eyes finally focused on him. He remained on his spot, his gaze on you unwavering. You, meanwhile, were shaking from head to toe, the vision of the painting still branded vividly in your head.

“Renjun—what’s this?” you managed to stutter as you pointed at the artwork in the middle of the room. You couldn’t even spare to look at it again while he merely gave it a casual glance.

“It’s you. I’ve been working on it for a long time. I was about to show it to you but it seems like you couldn’t wait for it yourself.”

You felt nauseous. A part of your rational mind was slowly losing it as you tried to process his answer. Something's not right. Something is so terribly wrong.

“Why—why did you do this?”

Renjun simply stared at you and leaned his head a little bit to the side as if he was only mildly curious of your reaction. Your stomach turned even before hearing his answer.

“You said it’s beautiful.”

“This is not right—!”

“I came home because they said you were leaving for good,” he continued speaking softly, effectively cutting you from what you were about to say. The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end and you took another step back as you watched him get close to his artwork. You watched in horror as his thin fingers lovingly ran over the corners of the canvas. “Jaemin almost lost it… It’s a good thing I got here on time.”

And just like that, everything seemed to have clicked into place. The glances, the touches, the words that seemed to have a different undercurrent under them… they weren’t just fragments of your imagination. Every little thing that has gnawed at you from the inside came into crystal clear focus and you felt your knees go weak from the weight of it all. It took every fiber of your being to try and keep yourself steady now, your legs moving on their own as they took small backward steps away from the boy staring at you now with dead eyes. You couldn’t breathe, but it was the last words he told you that finally snapped you to run.

“I don’t think you’ve realized it yet. But no, you cannot leave. Ever.”

You didn’t know where you got the energy for it but in seconds you were flying out of that room and running blindly down the darkened corridors. Your blood pumped noisily in your ears and your chest felt like it was going to split from the sudden exertion you put on it, but you didn’t stop, not even looking back as you tried to put as much distance between you and the library. You didn’t even know where you were going. All you’re focused on is to find the exit and leave the house as soon as possible.

A loud bang that sounded off to your right startled you and you screamed, the force of your shock making you whip around and almost lose your balance. Before you could even hit the floor, however, a pair of hands caught you and you immediately turned, grasping at the chest of your rescuer.

You froze. Haechan smiled down at you as he tried to steady you on your feet.

“Haechan,” you gasped as you took fistfuls of his shirt and tried to shake him in your panic. “Renjun—he’s—please, help me. He’s after me—” you gasped out, almost out of your wits. You’re on the verge of a total breakdown that it almost escaped you, the way he simply smiled down on your shaking form. It was only when you felt one of his hands gently caress the top of your head that reality slapped you in the face again. You suddenly stopped struggling in his hold, pupils shaking as you watched him study your features lovingly.

“Shh… it’s fine. I got you,” he whispered and you could swear ice pricked you from the inside. A slight movement to the right made you turn your head and you saw Jaemin lean casually against the banister of the stairs, his face serene. He gave you one quick look before a gentle smile finally lit up his features.

“Has it started?” he asked and you felt Haechan’s hold on you tighten.

“It has.”

You didn’t struggle. It was as if any trace of fight you had left you in that moment and you let your hands fall limply on your sides. Haechan also loosened his grip on you and you stared at the two boys blankly, your chest heaving as if fighting for air. They didn’t move from their spots and simply followed you with their eyes as if relishing the fear and realization flashing in your face.

Trapped.

You’re trapped.

You’ve always been.

You didn’t even realize that your legs had started moving again on their own as the pieces of the puzzle started to fall together in your mind. You were only shaken from it when your back finally hit the front door, the cold metal of the knob pressing against your spine. Jaemin and Haechan remained on their spots still, even as you blindly reached out for it from behind.

You were expecting it to be locked, so you were a little bit surprised when you felt it give way under your hand when you tried to turn it open. Just before you could even entertain the idea of escaping, however, any trace of hope you had quickly died as you turned and came face to face with Jeno standing right in front of the entrance. He didn’t look the least surprised seeing you there, as if he was waiting for you in the first place.

You eyes took in his calm countenance before slowly moving to stare downwards at what he was holding by his side. Your gaze locked on it in fear, and that’s when the flight response in you flared up again.

Jeno’s hunting rifle shone dully in the light of the entryway, his pale fingers wrapped on its handle.

“There’s really only one place you can run, noona, but I won’t advise it,” he said evenly and you felt your blood freeze in your veins.

“After all, no matter where you hide, I’ll still find you in that forest.”

It happened all at once. You broke into a run, your body screaming at you to go faster as you heard gunshots pierce the air.

---

CHAPTER 7

A/N: Good lord, I wasn’t expecting I’d finish this today but I got one large iced coffee and well... things happened. Anyway, enjoy! Let’s hope the format won’t mess up this time. T.T Finally, all hell broke loose~ <3

Tag list! 

@negincho, @jhornytrash, @jaeminhyuckiii, @jungwoosswhore​, @jsturkey, @aj-7, @pukupukupawpau, @tomiesgirlfren, @vsszn, @those-winternights, @xsnelly, @lihyuck, @laheyspizza, @miyeux27, @haoshitt, @mindofthescattered, @huangberryyy, @d1nne, @choppedupcactus, @neokat​, @yutasnabi​

[astrovian]

Richard Armitage interview in Total Film Magazine (25/06/21)

Full transcript under cut

Are you talkin’ to me?

I am talking to you. If I’m perfectly honest, I’d rather be face to face, because I’m sick of Zoom. I went back to work on the show that I’m on at the moment, for Netflix. The first day on set, I could barely get any work done, because I was talking and talking. They kept offering me a chair, and I said, “No, I don’t need to sit down. I’ve been sat on my arse for a year!”

Do you feel lucky, punk?

I’ve been incredibly lucky. I’ve dabbled with having my celestial chart looked at every couple of years, just for a little tune-up. Every time, the guy sighs, and goes, “What can I say? You’ve just got a sprinkle of luck.” And I say, “That’s good, because I don’t have the talent, so I really need the luck!”

So what are you afraid of?

I’m very afraid of deep water. I’m afraid of drowning. Any job I’ve ever had where there’s been water involved, there’s usually some kind of incident. It’s a prophecy waiting to be told. And I’m afraid of failure. I often think, “Why did I pick a profession where failure is at your door every second of the day?” I’m quite tough on myself, so I fail more than I win.

Do you have a mixtape coming out?

No, I haven’t recorded an album. But I do make a little mixtape for every character I play. It’s the best part of the job, really. You just sit there for a couple of days, just going through endless albums on Spotify. For [Francis Dolarhyde on] Hannibal, I used some really freaky music, which helped.

What’s normal, anyways?

Literally nothing anymore. Everything – every single thing – is abnormal. Gosh, I crave normality, but I don’t know what that is now. What is normal…? A cheese sandwich.

Is life always this hard, or is it just when you’re a kid?

Life is easy when you’re a kid. That’s one of the things about being an actor – you get to relinquish that responsibility, and still pretend you’re a kid, because you live in that imaginative world all the time. I quite like it. I find it hard to grow up.

We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven’t you?

Yeah. I think I’m a little mad. I’ve often played characters that are dabbling with trauma or post-traumatic stress or a little bit of insanity. I can start hallucinating, and seeing people in very strange ways, especially when I haven’t eaten. And I just think, “Oh, gosh, that’s a bit strange, isn’t it? I better get a cheese sandwich.”

You talk the talk, do you walk the walk?

It’s taken me years to find what I define as authenticity, because I think that’s what the question is about. I think I’m authentic. I do the work, not because anyone’s looking over my shoulder. I do it for me. And I do it because I love it. So I think that’s walking the walk.

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Every night! There is a naughty, dark side to me. I am quite strongly affected by the moon. So if there’s a full moon I’ll go a bit crazy.

You ever have that feeling that you’re not sure if you’re awake or you’re dreaming?

All the time. That’s one of the things I tap into a lot, because I’m quite active through my sleep. I can wake up fully dressed, on the other side of the room. I will be convinced I’ve met somebody, or been somewhere, that has actually been a dream. It’s very useful for writing and dreaming up ideas for a character.

Do you like what you do for a living, these things you see?

Often I question, “Why on earth did I pick this career?” Because I’m so not the kind of person that should be an actor. I’m a recluse. I’m an introvert. I don’t like being looked at. [laughs] But I get to see the world through other people’s eyes, and that’s where the fascination lies.

Will you follow me, one last time?

Yeah, what’s your Twitter handle? [laughs] I was having a chat with Jimmy Nesbitt about this. I feel like there was a ‘me’ before [the Hobbit trilogy], and a ‘me’ after, in terms of my career, and life experience. We were not prepared for it. I thought I was going to be fired. And it turned out to be the most incredible adventure. I’ll go to my grave with the most intense memories of New Zealand.

[nevertheless-moving]

Suicidal Misunderstanding VIII

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

Part I - - - Part II - - - Part III - - - Part IV - - - Part V - - - Part VI - - - Part VII

He didn’t feel any pain when the saber pierced him

the world exploded and Obi-Wan was relieved. it worked- this must be breaking out

then not Anakin was there and that wasn’t right and he felt like he was burning alive and broken pieces fell but he wasn’t free he closed his eyes had to concentrate

Wake up Break Out Not Real

Woke up but he wasn’t Out and it hurt and Not Real Anakin was yelling at him for being stupid but he was trying to get Out and he had to try harder and went for the knife but it didn’t reach and his arm felt weak and he started to black out

He FORCED himself to WAKE UP and it ALMOST worked he could feel the heat but the rest wasn’t real so he tried again and

“STOP TRYING TO DIE!”

and that was irritating because trying was all he had left anymore he was trying so hard and if he wanted to die then he would have just

There were hands on him and lightning in his chest and this must be

Obi-Wan blinked aWAKE confused-

“He keeps fighting the sedatives! -”

“-Varp! Up the dose, we need to finish the operation before...”

The familiar haziness of a full Bacta Immersion and there was something he was supposed to remember he had to WAKE UP and he struggled and there was yelling from somewhere

Bacta Pod- must be the temple. and he tried to remember how he got there but whatever it was must have been bad because he was VERY high and he had to... had to wake up (but he was awake someone told him he was already awake) and he had to break out (but this was safe safe someone was telling him this was safe so he must have broken out already) and something else not something not he heard cursing and everything got even fuzzier

--

Obi-Wan woke all at once, as though someone had dumped a bucket of water on him. Vokara Che and a Nautolan he vaguely recognized were hovering over him, watching him with unnerving intensity.

He shifted slightly under their gaze, and was confused to find himself unable to move any of his limbs.

“We’ve cuffed you to the bed,” Healer Che told him calmly. “Do you remember why?”

Wake up Break Out Not Real

Obi-Wan thought back furiously. The memories of the last few days came racing back, then the last few years.

He closed his eyes trying to think; his life had been so surreal for so long that it was hard to assess using reason. But something wasn’t adding up. He backtracked to the the last memory he knew to be true.

Luke, of course. Luke was the most real thing in the galaxy. He held Luke for a short time before Owen rightfully kicked him out.

Then...back to his hut, to try and desperately fix whatever was wrong with the vaporators now...The Jawas stopped by...They had spice.

He had thought about purchasing it before, but he knew the Sandcrawler was a safer bet if only for its indifference to him. They wouldn’t judge him or take note of the vulnerability in the way the people of Mos Eisley would. He sat in his hut berating himself before finally giving in.

Then having a wonderful, perfect lucid dream- Cody, and Anakin, and Plo Koon and Bant and Mace and Anakin, his Anakin. But...if it was a dream, why did his attempts to wake fail so miserably? His body felt odd, not really hungry or thirsty. It didn’t make sense. 

Even assuming a distorted sense of time, this was too involved for a hallucination. The fact of the matter was that he was a Jedi Master. Even without the force, if he was lost inside his own mind...he should have been able to get out. 

This...couldn’t be a drug-induced hallucination. Maybe it was at some point but...

Obi-Wan sucked in a breath, suddenly struggling for air. Vokara laid a hand on his shoulder and he flinched away.

“Master Kenobi, please try and take deep breaths,” The Nautolon urged in a soothing voice.

He complied, steadying his breathing and finding calm. He had an enemy to fight against and he was done making a fool of himself. 

“I understand now,” Obi-Wan said flatly. “This must have been very entertaining for you.”

“I assure you Master Kenobi,” the Nautolan said frowning, “Your pain is not a source of entertainment for I, nor anyone else in the temple. Quite the opposite- a number of people were stricken at the thought of you joining the force before your time.”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “You can drop the act, Sidious.” 

There was a pause.

“I’m Master Vokara Che, Chief Healer of the Jedi Temple. I’ve known you since you were a crecheling,” she responded carefully. “This is Master Sife Aerdo, they’re one of our best soul healers. Neither of us are putting on an act, nor are we here to harm you. Is there something we can do to convince you of our identities?”

Obi-Wan glared at her, before turning to look straight at the ceiling.

“Vokara Che is dead, along with everyone else. I assume my mental defenses weakened after I drugged myself; you must have been besides yourself with glee to find me in such a state. I hope you’ve had your fun watching me run around in your Sith mindtrap, because its over. Torture me all you want, parade as many ghosts in front of me as you desire, you know I have nothing useful to tell you. And you’ve already destroyed everyone who you could possibly use as leverage against me, so I have no motivation to allow you a shred more entertainment. You can try and turn me if you wish, but honestly, what could you possibly put me through that you haven’t already?”

Master Aerdo tried to catch Obi-Wan’s eyes, “Master Kenobi, I understand you had a terrible vision of some kind. I am not denying how it has impacted you. But I ask you to take a chance to see for yourself that those you fear dead are still here, and they still care for you. I’ve had a look at your shields and I’m concerned by how fully you’ve blocked yourself off from the force. I understand you may have done this in an attempt at defense, but-”

Obi-Wan let out a snort, responding snidely, “You’re going to have to do better if you want to get any further into my mind, Emperor Palpatine”

And at that, he closed his eyes, sinking deep within. His weakness had cost him Luke but there was still a chance that Leia was safe with Bail and Breha.

(don’t think too hard about Luke you’ll lose what strength you have left)

He might not be able to escape, but he could raise his shields even higher, cutting himself off further from his surroundings.

If Palpatine wanted his attention he would just have to torture him like a decent person. 

Part IX

[hangovercurse]

Mind Over Matter

A phone call at 4 in the morning turns into a very deep conversation with your good friend, Pete.

Pete Davidson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, existential philosophy

A/N: Inspired by Mind Over Matter by PVRIS

Word Count: 1771

There was nothing you hated more than being woken up at 4am on your day off. But someone had decided that they needed to call you, so you were awake. Your hand reached around for your phone, your head not lifting from the pillow. Once you found it you brought the screen to your eyes, squinting.

You couldn’t help but feel a little less angry when you saw Pete’s contact picture. Of course it would be him calling you at 4 am.

“Hey, Pete, what’s up?” Your voice came out scratchy and hoarse, a side effect of just waking up.

You could hear his heavy breathing on the other side, and your mind immediately went into worry mode. “Y/N I’m kind of really freaked out right now.”  

You sat up on the bed, turning your lamp on, “What’s going on?” Your feet touched the cold floor of your bedroom as you stood up, stumbling tiredly to your dresser and throwing on a pair of sweatpants.

“I’m really trippin’ out right now.” You could hear how far gone he was now that you were more awake.

You sighed, stopping your rushed actions. “Pete, I thought you weren’t taking that much anymore? Remember you said you wanted to get better?”

He let out a breath, “I know, I had a bad day. But the drugs aren’t helping. Everything feels so much worse and I’m really scared. You told me to call you whenever I needed someone and I really need you.”

You tried to keep your breathing steady, so he couldn’t hear how sad you were. Pete had been working so hard to get to a good place, and he was so close. To hear him so upset crushed you. “Okay, I’m on my way over. Are you gonna be okay for a few minutes while I’m on my way over there?”

You grabbed your keys from your counter and threw on your slip-on vans. “Can you stay on the phone with me?” His voice was timid, and you frowned.

“Of course, Pete. I’m leaving my house right now.” Luckily, his house was only a few blocks down from yours, so you were there in no time. You stayed on the phone with Pete the whole time, not saying much but reassuring him you were coming.

When you got to his home, you walked around the house to Pete’s door. “Hey, Petey, I’m gonna come in, okay?” You asked through the door, hand on the handle. Your best friend gave you a small noise of confirmation, so you let yourself in. You found him sitting on the floor, his back pressed against the foot of his bed.

You walked towards him slowly, settling on the ground in front of him. You took in his appearance, the dark bags under his eyes, the tear tracks on his cheeks, the ruffled hair from him running a hand through it too much. He reached out and grabbed your hand, holding it in his. You didn’t want to force him to talk, so you sat in silence until he was ready.

“How do I know that you’re real?” He asked, his voice low.

You tilted your head, squeezing his hand, “Because I’m sitting in front of you.”

He shook his head, dropping your hand and letting out a sigh. “Yeah, but how do I know that this isn’t just something I’ve made up in my head?”

You smiled, “Pete, can you tell me what you took?” You assumed he was worried you were a hallucination from shrooms.

“No, that’s not what I mean.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “I mean I took shrooms but I’m not talking about that. I mean how do I know that anything is real?”

“What do you mean, Pete?” You’d only seen this side of Pete a handful of times.

He looked up at you, his eyes finding yours. “I mean like, what if everything is just in my head? Like I don’t know that you’re real, I don’t know if anything is true. What if this is just some dream I’m having and I’m gonna wake up one day and it’s gonna be gone?”

You scooted closer to the man, your arm reaching out to him. “Reach out your hand and hold mine.” He did as he was told, and you intertwined your fingers. “Can you feel that?” You asked him.

He nodded, “But what if I’m just imagining it?”

You bit your lip, trying to find a way to calm him down. “Pete, this isn’t in your head, I promise. Your brain is just in a weird place right now. I am very real.” Your voice was soft, trying not to worry him.

“But I don’t know that Y/N. All I know is that I really want this to be real.” His voice gave away how scared he really was.

You reached your free hand to touch his cheek, rubbing your thumb over his skin gently. “I need you to trust me, Petey. I am just as real as you are.”

He leaned into your touch, a soft smile on his face. “I just don’t know how you can be real. Like I had to have made you up, no one like you would be friends with a guy like me.”

You frowned, moving so you were beside Pete on your knees, and wrapped your arms around him. You didn’t really know how to respond to that, he’d never said anything like it before. “And I mean, you’re so perfect. Like I feel like such a perfect person shouldn’t exist. That’s why I’m scared that you’re just some kind of dream.”

He leaned his body into yours, his head resting on your shoulder. “I’m not a dream, Pete. I’m really here, and I’m not gonna go anywhere.” You whispered, your nose brushing the side of his head. “If I wasn’t real, could I be holding you right now?”

He pulled away from you and you could tell he was starting to come down just a little bit, hopefully enough to pull him out of his thoughts. “I don’t know.” He mumbled, looking down.

You reached up to his jaw, moving his face so that he was looking at you. Your other hand ran through his hair, causing his eyes to close. “Could I do this?”

He smiled, looking like a cat whose head was being pet. “I guess not.”

You leaned closer to him, taking in all the features you knew so well. All the features you loved. And you knew you definitely shouldn’t kiss him, but if for some reason it went really badly, he probably wouldn’t remember and at least you would know. But you didn’t want to take advantage of his state. But it was just a kiss.

“If I wasn’t real, could I do this?” You whispered, your lips millimeters away from him. You paused, looking into his eyes, trying to read his emotions. You didn’t get much of a chance though, as Pete crashed his lips onto yours, one hand going around your waist and the other to the back of your neck.

You kissed him back, your lips moving together in sync. As cliché as it sounds, it felt right. As if you and Pete had been made for this moment.

When you pulled away for air, he rested his forehead on yours. “Okay, you’re definitely not real.” He muttered, out of breath.

You smiled, rolling your eyes slightly. “Eventually you’re just gonna have to accept that I am, in fact, a real person.”

“No real person like you would kiss me.”

“Well, I just did.” You smiled, “And I’ll do it again.”

You brought your head to meet his, lips colliding once again. Pete pulled you closer to him, so you were fully on your knees. He brought his hand to the back of your thigh, pulling your leg over him so you were sitting on his lap in front of him.

“Will you stop invalidating my existence now?” You asked with a giggle. Pete smiled, nodding in response. “Do you wanna talk about why you had a bad day?”

Your hand moved to gently run up and down his arm, trying to keep him calm. “I dunno, sometimes it just kind of happens, I guess. And then I got this email from Lorne about the show next week, and Colson won’t text me back, and I just got really messed up about all of it.” You nodded, letting him continue. “I’m sorry that I took all this shit. And that I called you so late. Sorry you have to deal with all my shit.”

You frowned, tilting your head, and resting one head on his cheek. “You don’t have to be sorry, Pete. You had a bad day, it happens. You took shrooms, it’s okay. Everyone relapses, its part of getting better. But Peter Michael Davidson, don’t ever apologize for needing me. I told you to call me, I want you to call me when things get bad. I’d rather you wake me up every day for the rest of my life than for you to suffer alone. I don’t wanna think about what could happen if you don’t call me.”

He nodded, and you smiled sadly at him. “You’re my best friend, Pete. I’m here for you, no matter what. People love you and care about you.” You paused, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He whispered, leaning so his forehead was resting against yours. “Can I kiss you again?”

You chuckled, pecking his lips before moving backwards. “As much as I would love that, you’re still pretty high. We need to get you some water and some sleep and then maybe, if you still want to kiss me tomorrow, we can see.”

He pouted as you stood up, walking to grab the water bottle from his desk. When you stood in front of him, he reached up with both arms, making grabby hands at you. You held out the water bottle for him to take, but he just swatted at it. You realized what he wanted and rolled your eyes, grabbing onto his hands and pulling him up, struggling against gravity.

“Can you stay here for tonight?” He asked, looking down at you with big brown eyes.

You sighed, knowing he probably wasn’t sober enough to be making that decision. “I’ll stay, but I’m gonna sleep on the couch.” You smiled, pushing him towards his bed. He whined, but you ignored him and walked away. “We’ll talk about it in the morning.” You said, shaking your head.

[softychenji]

enhypen's reaction to their tiny s/o picking them up

requested by @jihyosg4rden

heeseung

he was literally asking you to pick him up

you made a $5 bet with him that you could do it

and when you did, he was scared.. too scared

he would squirm out of your grip and run to his wallet

when you denied the money, he would insist that you keep it.

thinking you were gonna throw him in the lake or something idfk

he would even give you $10 just incase

he'll be really intimidated AND he'll show it

whenever you would raise your fist at him jokingly, he would put his hands over his face

pleading for you not to kill him

"please don't kill me. i'm so so so so sorry."

"heeseung i-i just picked you up once. that doesn't make me the freaking hulk!"

jake

he was just normally doing the dishes

from behind, you wrapped your arms around his waist

when he felt himself floating, his soul nearly jumped out his body

jake would be so surprised at the moment

he would be just a tiny bit intimidated

he'll try to hide it though

but for some reason he'll also find it cute

he wouldn't think so much of it tho. it wouldn't be much of a big deal to him

but he'll tease you about it sometimes

but wouldn't go too overboard because he'll never want you feeling bad about it

"y/n, carry my bag for me. it's too heavy."

he also assures you that he's just playing

and he'll obviously stop joking around like that if it seems that you don't like it

jay

jay would always joke around about you being strong, but he didn't know you were THAT strong

he'd call you names like "armstrong" or "superman"

"come help me with this super-"

his words were cut off by you picking him up and throwing him on the couch

he was frozen for a quick second, processing what the hell just happened

your own mouth widened as you rushed over to him, a bunch of soft "sorry"s coming out of your mouth

he would just laugh, pulling you into his embrace

"just because you can pick me up doesn't mean you can beat me in a fight, baby."

that just caused you both to play fight on the couch

somehow he ended up on the floor, staring at the ceiling with his mind blank

sunghoon

poor sunghoon had a little fever when this happened

he didn't want to get up from the couch so you had to take measures into your own hands

even if it meant using all of your strength to carry your sick boyfriend to his room

as you picked him up, you were even surprised of your own strength

despite you stumbling to his room, you still made it and managed to gently put him on his bed

"can fevers make you hallucinate, y/n? or did you really just carry me?"

you just nodded and he slapped his hand over his mouth, looking at you with wide eyes

as you pour medicine for him, he bombards you with questions (to secretly use the answers to make himself stronger)

but you couldn't really answer since you didn't know how you were able to carry him

you honestly made him question his own strength

sunoo

he actually thought you were weak and would tease you for your small frame a lot

but one day, you proved him wrong

sunoo was half asleep when this happened

let's just say he was fully awake as soon as he realized you were carrying him bridalstyle, bringing him to his room

you were mumbling inaudible words, complaining about your boyfriend always falling asleep mid-movie

your mumbles were interrupted by a high shriek from sunoo

"HOW ARE YOU CARRYING M-"

you put your hand over his mouth, "shhh, you're gonna wake the whole neighborhood up!"

you put him on the bed carefully

as soon as you laid him on the bed, he sat upright, looking at you weirdly and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion

let's just say, he started using your strength as an advantage

while secretly working out

jungwon

you both were doing the tik tok couples challenge where you lift each other (does anyone know what i'm talking about?)

anywaysss you were able to complete most of them with ease, shocking your boyfriend

he knew you would never tease him for being a lil weaker than you

but the fact you completed more challenges than him brang his pride down just a bit

i feel like he'll ask for advice from you

"uhm, y/n? is it okay if we workout together?"

it was honestly easy for him to ask you that, due to the fact you're a really helpful person

when you both worked out together, you would cheer him on

which would make him feel so much happier and motivated

ni-ki

he was so shocked when it happened

you literally came from behind and picked him up and started running around

he would be kicking his legs softly as you ran

you both would start laughing as you placed him back down on the ground

"i never knEw you were this strong."

he would turn it into a strength competition

finding random heavy things around to carry

"ni-ki i just picked you up. why are you like this?" "to prove i'm stronger than you."

he would be so dramatic when you're able to pick up something but he can't

he would be petty about it the rest of the day, bringing it up every 5 minutes

while still trying to prove he was stronger

[baejax-the-great]

WIP Whenever

Finally finish one WIP, start three more. So it goes.

This is from Pillow Talk (Shakarian), late night conversations between two friends who probably aren't in love with each other.

~

“Was it always this bad?” Garrus asked around 0400 when he woke up with empty arms and found Nadia fully dressed and reading on her sofa. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her sleep through an entire night, and now he suspected it was because she never did. “Before…?”

“Before I was spaced?” She tossed the tablet to the coffee table and studied him. “Yeah,” she admitted slowly. “Nobody really knew on the SR1, though. They weren’t watching me like this. Didn’t bug my cabin and sic an AI on me. No team of scientists trying to keep their cyborg functional. I used to get up and go sit in the cockpit with Flight Lieutenant Delgado.” Shepard’s tone turned thoughtful. “I don’t think she ever told anyone. Never said a word to me, either. We just sat in silence while I stared out the view ports. Probably my closest friend on that ship. I wonder what she’s doing now.”

“The third watch flight lieutenant who you never spoke to was your closest friend?”

Nadia nodded. “There’s a bond that forms between the hours of oh two hundred and oh five hundred. You don’t need words. If you’re awake and together, there is an unspoken, deep connection. Plus, I used to bring her fresh coffee, so I’m pretty sure I’m the godmother of her children. If she has any.”

“Riiiight,” Garrus replied with a laugh. “You know I’ve been doing some reading on human insomnia, and it can cause hallucinations. You sure this Delgado was even real?”

Nadia stared at him dead on, one eyebrow quirked. “That would explain this really weird dream I’ve been having where I decided to take a turian to bed. I bet Chakwas can snap me out of it.”

Garrus didn’t break. “Impulsive sexual exploits can also be a sign of the mental distress brought on by insomnia.”

Shepard threw a pillow at him, which he caught before it hit him in the face.

“Let me guess,” she said, “Turian insomnia results in an irresistible urge to sass the nearest alien.”

“Something like that.” In officer school, they hadlisted insubordination as a warning sign for underlying physical and mental health issues.

Nadia was frowning. “Hey, if I’m keeping you up, if it’s easier for you to sleep somewhere else—”

“No. It’s… it’s not.”

“You, too?”

“Not exactly.” It wasn’t insomnia that dogged Garrus each night. Or at least, it wasn’t a physical problem like Shep was dealing with. He didn’t have faulty biotic amps or cybernetic implants or prothean memories jammed in his head. He had his own memories, naturally acquired, but just as good as keeping him from getting a full night’s sleep.

[thisnoodlewritesao3]

CONGRATS ON 100 FOLLOWERS IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!! YOU DESERVE IT ALL!

So a soulmate event aye? I'm here for it.

I was thinking this prompt

- A red string tied around your pinky is connected to your soulmate’s pinky (when the two of you are in a certain distance)

With Atsumu or Osamu? I have a thing for those 2 and i just love them so much and they deserve nice things and just yes.

I hope you're taking care of yourself!!!!!

omg i sort of popped off on this one and it ended up just a lil longer than i thought it would and omg. i have no words for myself at this rate. look, i will not be judged for my sudden and random love this boy, but um. you’ll see

thank you for participating! I am taking care of myself most of the time so eh ya know

----

Your yearly visit to Japan wasn’t meant to be anything special. Just a trip to Japan where you’d meet your cousins again.

When the three of you stood next to each other, you could see why no one thought that you, Kiyoomi and Motoya were related. Alas, you were, much to the world’s surprise. It didn’t even help that you weren’t from Japan, so your grasp on the language was laughable. You coped and so did they.

“A volleyball game?” You quirked a brow at Motoya as he grinned widely, taking the seat opposite you and snatching an onigiri off your plate. A glare formed quickly on your face and you pulled the plate close to you, shovelling another in your mouth.

“Not just any game, but nationals.” There was a shine of excitement in his eyes and you shrugged.

“I guess I could go, not like I have any plans.” Your parents often described you as a perfect middle between Kiyoomi and Motoya; not quite an outgoing puppy, but not really hating the idea of people either. There weren’t too many things you and your cousins could agree on; it wasn’t that you hated each other, but you just never had the time to bond with them like they had. Still, when you got together, things weren’t awkward. They just… were.

“Do you ever have any plans?” Kiyoomi snorted, leaning against the kitchen counter. Resisting the urge to throw the plate at him, you settled on glaring at him.

“For your information,” you said, pointing at him, “I have plenty of plans when I’m back home.”

They both laughed. Motoya decides to cackle like a hyena, Kiyoomi chuckles softly. Was it really that hard to believe? Okay, so, sure, you didn’t really have that many friends - that didn’t mean you couldn’t have plans! It just meant that you’d spend more nights alone than you’d like to admit - they didn’t need to know that though. Not like you were going to tell them anyway.

What you hadn’t expected - from the brief description Motoya had given you on the way to the stadium - was that volleyball would be one of the most boring and thrilling things in your life. There were parts so filled with tension and passion that you could have drowned in it. And then some rallies would go on for what felt like days and you’d lose interest, only to be pulled back into it a second later.

Your cousin wasn’t the number one ace in the country for no reason; he played with a level head yet intensity beyond his years. You didn't even fully understand why Motoya was leaping across the court, or what a Libero was, or what was happening. How you’d never agreed to come before was beyond you.

But something is amiss, and you don’t notice it until a red string floats into your vision, like it’s purposefully making you aware of its presence. Your breath catches in your throat just as Kiyoomi slams down the ball.

It was almost funny that the year you decided to watch the volleyball game Motoya had been inviting you to for forever that you’re soulmate would suddenly burst into existence. You can’t help the sinking feeling in your stomach, because if you’d stayed back in your home country this year like your dad had asked, then you never would have gotten this opportunity again.

It didn’t take much internal convincing for you to start following the string. Looping through halls, twisting and turning around people. Anticipation built up, one you’d felt so many times today, but this was a different kind of anticipation. A swelling in your stomach, a flutter of butterflies that had been startled awake. Something so primal, an urge inside of you, yet something so calm at the same time.

The closer you got the more your mind urged you to run. As crowds formed, you couldn’t help but think back to your parents' comparison of you and Kiyoomi (because even if you didn’t hate people as much, crowds were your worst enemy).

You pushed through, ignoring the urges of your heart because God knows when you’ll get this chance again. That was the point. You probably weren’t going to get this chance again. Not since you would be starting University, your parents wouldn’t just be sending you to another country for a month - even if it was for family reasons - this was your final chance to meet your soulmate.

God, if you’d have known that your soulmate was in Japan this whole time then you would have begged to live here as a child, but you didn’t. Especially being the older of your cousins, you couldn’t help but feel slightly more anxious.

Barely 18, ready to live your life, and now you’d found your soulmate. Motoya would be excited for you, Kiyoomi would probably offer his apologies depending on who it was.

Thoughts wracked with who it could be. What they would look like. How they would act. Sound. Talk to you. React. You didn’t even notice how close it had gotten until a hand was pulled in front of your eyes; the person it was connected to looked down at you, tears in his eyes, though seeming generally disinterested.

Your heart stopped - whether from anxiety or excitement, you’d figure out later - he met your eyes and you couldn’t help but blush.

Just as you were about to speak - make your debut moment to your soulmate - a wave of people suddenly surrounded you and you froze. Like all the air had been taken from your lungs. Your heart - previously stopped - now worked in full force. If it weren’t for the buzzing in your pocket, you might have passed out right there.

Your soulmate was staring down at you as you shakily reached into your pocket, answering the call without any question. “Where are you?” Motoya’s voice rang clear. You blink slowly, trying to catch your breath enough to speak.

“S-soulmate…” the word feels so foreign on your lips (reasonably so). He instructs you to pass the phone to him - it takes a lot of effort, but you manage, ruling the phone away from your face and to him. He takes it - albeit hesitating - and starts a conversation with your cousin.

The string looks so strange wrapped around your finger but it was something simple you could focus on. Breathing was painful, and the crowd didn’t seem to be clearing. You didn’t catch the conversation but his face shifted and he reached out for your hand, looking around quickly.

He must have seen something that would help because he weaved you in and out of the crowd towards a corner with a group of people standing in it. You didn’t recognise them, so you could only assume this is where you were going to die.

You were too busy saying your prayers when he pulled you closer to him. “Who’s that?” Asked a boy with bleached blond hair, scrunching up his nose. You were probably hallucinating - and in the  off chance you weren’t, you were asking for more prayers - because the boy with the bleach blond hair looks almost identical to your soulmate.

He looked down at you with contempt, but you didn’t have the energy to care, not as your soulmate pulled you closer away from him. You could just imagine a smirk forming on his lips. Somehow, his presence calmed you just enough that you could focus.

He talked with - who you quickly learned to be - his brother and the rest of his team. Miya Osamu - your soulmate - kept you close by, still looking at you with disinterest. It didn’t take long for your cousins to find you, but even after they did, you didn't leave Osamu’s side.

Motoya pulled you into a hug and talked to you softly, Kiyoomi muttered exactly what you thought he would, “you’re an idiot.” But there was something caring in his tone.

Motoya was explaining to you that they made it to the second round, but you weren’t paying too much attention. Of course they made it to the second round, they always did (well, you weren’t sure of that, this was the first time you’d been here).

Throughout the rest of your visit to Japan you spent more time on your phone to Osamu than you would willingly admit to the boys. Considering he was from Hyogo, and you were staying in Tokyo, it only made it harder. You joked and said it would only prepare you more for the long distance you’d have to do when you returned home. You didn’t miss the sad look in his eyes. So many countless nights spent on the phone, pretending like you didn’t want to be in his arms.

Long distance was harder than you could have imagined; between opposing time zones, schedules, and just general life things, it was hard to find time to talk to Osamu. You made a promise to each other, that if you ever happened to go no-contact (whether by accident or on purpose) that you would find each other eventually.

That was what happened.

With so much work, you were losing sleep, your grades were slipping, everything was stressful. The same for Samu; he was too tired to practise, grades going downhill. You were the most worried when Tsumu stopped teasing his slightly younger brother and started actually caring.

Contact slipped until it just stopped. It wouldn’t be another five years until you’d see Samu again. 

You finally made the decision to move to Japan - specifically Hyogo - you’d claim it was because Kiyoomi lived there, but really it was because you hoped for a chance encounter with Osamu.

Kiyoomi made the decision to introduce you to his team and you were met with one overly excited Miya Atsumu. The boy - although now he was more of a man - recognised you immediately as his brother's soulmate. He stepped away from you briefly, claiming he had an urgent phone call to make and you didn’t question it - you had no reason to after all.

Not until that familiar red string floats into your vision as it had done all the years ago and you turn around to see Osamu standing there, a little out of breath but so happy. You act on instinct, throwing yourself into his arms and promising to not leave his side again.

----

General Taglist:

@pies-writes-and-more @satan-ruler-of-hells @dekuspet @samkysnks @lucyheartfilias-wife

If you want to be added to the taglist, send a DM or an ask :D

[daughterofluthien]

“decisions were respected” Sorry but didn’t Scott violently throw Isaac against a wall more than once just because Isaac liked his ex girlfriend in canon? That’s the literal opposite of healthy...

Hey, anon!

This is in reference to this post about Scallison for the shipping meme, where I said that one of my favorite things about Scallison is that the show lets them have a healthy breakup, and even date other people while still remaining friends. The scenes you are referring to are a pair of scenes in 3x13 Anchors.

So lets’s take a look.

(under a cut bc it turns out that when you try to be comprehensive, things get v long v quickly 😅)

The Scenes

I’m actually gonna copy/paste the dialogue of both scenes (along with minimal action/inflection notation for context) so that we can really make sure we know what we’re talking about here, so bear with me:

The first of these scenes occurs as Scott and Isaac are getting ready to head to school in the morning. After some initial ‘hey, what’re you doing, are you heading to school’ dialogue—during which both boys seem a bit awkward—we get the following:

ISAAC: [anxiously] Can I ask you a question? SCOTT: Okay... ISAAC: Are you angry with me? SCOTT: No! ISAAC: Are you sure? SCOTT: ...No. ISAAC: [awkwardly] What's that mean? SCOTT: I guess I'm not really sure how I'm feeling... ISAAC: [nodding] Okay. ...Do you hate me? SCOTT: [sighing] No, of course not. ISAAC: Do you want to hit me? SCOTT: [taken aback] No. ISAAC: I think you should hit me. SCOTT: I don't want to hit you. ISAAC: Are you sure? SCOTT: Why would I want to hit you? You didn't do anything, did you? ISAAC: [stammering] No. I mean, um... What do you mean? SCOTT: I mean, like, you didn't kiss her or anything, right? ISAAC: No! Absolutely not. No. SCOTT: ...Did you want to? ISAAC: Oh, yeah. Totally. [scene cuts to hallway outside the room. Isaac flies through the doorway and hits the wall] MELISSA: Hey! You two teenage boys? Don't test my entirely un-supernatural level of patience! ISAAC: ...Feel better?

The scene then ends, and we cut to subsequent scenes of Stiles and then Allison also getting ready for school.

The second scene is much shorter and happens later in the episode, after Isaac saves Lydia from an arrow that Allison fired while hallucinating. He and Scott are in Scott’s room again, and he’s telling him about the incident:

SCOTT: Right at her head? ISAAC: Almost right through it. And she keeps saying the same thing-- that she keeps seeing her aunt. Whatever's happening to you guys is getting worse. If I hadn't been there, then Lydia would be dead. SCOTT: ...What were you doing there? ISAAC: Uh... [scene cuts to hallway outside the room. Isaac flies through the doorway and hits the wall] MELISSA: [groaning] Oh, you guys, come on! This house does not have a supernatural ability to heal! So, stop it!

But of course just the text of the scene isn’t enough to accurately convey everything in even a tiny portion of a larger narrative, because nothing happens in a vacuum. With that in mind, let’s look at...

The Context 

The first of these scenes occurs immediately after the opening credits, and is the first time we see either Scott or Isaac this season. (Assuming you consider 3B a separate season, of course, which is a whole ‘nother can of worms. This tv show we all choose to enjoy sure is Something.)

Often, the opening of a season is used to reintroduce the audience to the main characters—letting us know where their characters arcs are starting, and what they’ll be struggling with this season. Teen Wolf did this previously (and did it well, imo) in 3x01 Tattoo. Act 2 of that episode begins with a series of four scenes showing our main characters getting ready for school in the morning, highlighting where everyone currently is, and setting up where their arcs are going to go.

Scene order taken by itself would seem to indicate that they were trying to do something similar in this episode. It starts off with the hook of Stiles’ extended nightmare sequence. He can’t tell dreams apart from reality anymore, and wakes up screaming. Cut to black, cue opening credit sequence.

Immediately after the first ad break, we get a sequence of three scenes. The first is the longer of the two Scott and Isaac scenes (which, as previously mentioned, occurs as they’re getting ready to head out to school). The second is of Stiles. He’s packing for school, and the audience learns that he’s been struggling to read when he’s awake as well. Finally, we see Allison leaving her and her dad’s apartment. She seems like she’s doing fine, if a little over-focused. But then she gets into the elevator, and has an extended hallucination/flashback of Kate.

We learn soon after this that all three of them (Scott, Stiles, and Allison) are suffering from the aftereffects of their sacrifice in the previous season. According to the explanations we get both from Kira and, later, from Deaton, they’re slipping into bardo, or the space between life and death, and there’s a door open in their minds. 

Okay, problem established.

It stands to reason, then, that all three of those opening scenes are supposed to serve to set up this problem. We’re shown, in three successive scenes, that all three of our sacrificees are, as the kids say, Not Doing So Hot.

(yes I know the kids don’t say that, let me be an increasingly out-of-touch millennial in peace)

This is all well and good, and honestly makes sense! Under this paradigm, the Scott and Isaac scene should be highlighting that Scott is Losing Control. Bardo is affecting him, and it’s causing him to be more aggressive. Giving in to violence in a way that he generally holds himself back from. Heck, the scene even starts with Scott flexing his fingers, and we (and Scott) see the shadow of a clawed hand against the door.

In the context of the narrative, it makes sense.

Except.

eXCEPT—

The Framing

The thing about the medium of television is that, when we’re talking about a scene, we can’t just look at the narrative structure. We also have to look at the scene itself: how it’s shot and directed, how it’s edited, even what music is paired with the scenes.

In the Stiles and Allison sequences, the scenes are very clearly shot for tension and horror. Long lingering shots on the things that Just Aren’t Right. Music that heightens the tension. Stiles gets some nice lil scare chords over the shot of the book that he can’t read, and there’s a very quiet droning in the background of the Allison nightmare sequence that slowly grows into some classic horror soundtrack music.

Okay. So far that tracks with the narrative thesis.

Now let’s take look at the Scott and Isaac scene.

We start out with some of those lingering shots I was talking about, as Scott is halted in his tracks when he notices the shadow of the clawed hand. We see his own hand is human and unshifted. There’s quiet, percussion heavy music over this portion of the scene that increases in tension at this point. Shaken, Scott closes his hand into a fist, and when he opens it, both the shadow and his own hand are smooth and human. The tense music fades out to silence, and he breathes a sigh of relief.

Scott opens the door to reveal Isaac, which startles him. There’s a short musical sting to underline this moment, and then the background music cuts out completely, leaving us (and them) in the awkwardness of this moment. 

And OH BOY. IS IT AWKWARD. 😬

You can kinda see the Awkwardness Inherent in the System in the dialogue that I pasted up at the top—it’s a lot of back-and-forth, short statements, trailing off... And both Posey and Sharman are playing up the awkwardness as well. Neither boy looks like they really want to be there, and that includes Isaac, who initiated this entire conversation.

But here’s the thing.

The thing that really frustrates me about this scene.

It’s not the sort of awkwardness that exists to increase the tension. The sort that builds and builds until it reaches a fever pitch and you know something just has to give. You know, the sort of tension that you would want to build if you were showing how the protagonist of your show is no longer fully in control, and is on a knife’s edge of lashing out at his friend and beta.

Instead, it’s played for comedy.

And once again, a lot of this is down to the music.

Before the dialogue that I quoted at the top even begins, the music starts back up, and this time the tense percussion has been replaced by light, pizzicato strings. (That may not be the exact right term, fyi, I only really know enough about music theory to be dangerous.) But you know, the playful, plucked strings that often accompanies comedic or otherwise not-serious scenes.

Background music tells the viewer how they’re supposed to feel about the events in a particular scene, and the music here is saying that we’re not supposed to find this whole confrontation that dramatic. In fact, we’re supposed to find it funny.

But it’s not just the music that that frames this scene as comedic. It’s also the fact that we don’t actually see Scott shoving Isaac. Instead, the scene cuts to the hallway, and all we see is Isaac flying through the doorway.

Now, obviously I don’t have a direct line to the director and editors’ minds here. But I would bet money that those particular shots were chosen 1). because it’s so much easier to do a wire pull stunt when you don’t have to show what it’s in reaction to, and 2). because it’s kinda difficult to show your main character directly doing a violence and make it funny.

But show someone yeeted into frame, and that’s funny. Right?

(Spoiler alert: not in this context, it isn’t)

Now, I know I’ve been focusing on the first scene a lot—partially because it’s longer and partially because it’s really the only reason that the second scene exists—but I do want to take a look at the second scene really quickly as well. It’s much shorter and generally adopts a more serious tone than the first one, mostly due to fact that we’re smack dab in the middle of the action at this point. The weird visions that the sacrificees have been having all episode have started endangering lives, and they can’t just wait for it to resolve on its own.

But then the focused, intent exposition is broken by Scott’s question of “why were you there.” Then smash cut to a near identical shot of the hallway,and Isaac yeeting into frame.

The thing is, this scene is entirely dependent on the previous one. It only “works”—and I use this term loosely—as a call back to the scene at the beginning of the ep. Heck, both even have the stinger of a frustrated Melissa at the end of both scenes, frustrated at all the boys-will-be-boys roughhousing going on in her house.

Much like the first scene, this one is also set up and framed for Comedy.

Which is um. A Choice. 

But What Does It All Mean

What frustrates me about these scenes, at the end of the day, is that the narrative intention and the directing/editing seem to be fundamentally at odds.

On the one hand, it makes narrative sense to say that the purpose of the scenes is to show that Scott is losing control. That he’s being affected by bardo and the open door in his mind, and it’s putting the people close to him in danger. But then on the other, the way the scenes are actually used are as comic relief. As a way to release tension between very tense, dramatic scenes. 

I don’t think it works, as I don’t personally find it funny at all. But that really does seem to be the intention.

Once again, absolutely wILD choices were made on the part of tptb, and I really wish anyone had thought for two seconds about the implications of all of this, but nO

Ahem.

So now (literally 2K words later I’m so sorry 😅) what does this tell us about the characters? Certainly no one here is arguing that shoving someone is a good or defensible choice, whether it’s due to forces outside the character’s control or not. But even taking the influence of bardo in mind, is it even in character for Scott in the first place?

Because canon can also be written inconsistently/out of character, especially when we’re talking about a long-running show like tw.

One’s an Incident, Two is Coincidence...

Well, we all know the end of that saying.

So let’s end by looking at a few patterns.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this, once again, eXCEEDINGLY long post, this is reference to a post I made about scallison. I said the following in that post:

And I also really like that they [Scott and Allison] didn’t get back together. That they were allowed to be friends. That even though sometimes it hurt to watch someone you love loved love become romantically close to another person, decisions were respected, and no friendships were broken over it.

The first pattern we need to look at, then, is this:

What’s Scott’s pattern of behavior toward Allison and Isaac’s relationship?

And does Scott’s behavior toward Isaac in these two scenes match the pattern, or is it an outlier?

3x11 Alpha Pact: Sacrifice Prep The revelation that Allison and Isaac have grown close enough for him to act as emotional tether for her is very visibly a blow to Scott. He looks like the rug has been pulled out from under him, but he doesn’t look angry or upset, just.... sad. In fact, it looks like he’s swallowing back tears. But he nods towards the two of them and just says, “It’s okay.”

3x12 Lunar Ellipse: “I look for my friends” This is the epilogue of the season. Scott walks into the hallway at all of his friends in turn. Satisfied. Happy. First at Lydia and Aiden, then at Danny and Ethan. Then he turns and watches as Isaac and Allison walk down the stairs, and they’re laughing, and so obviously happy, and Scott’s small smile grows. He isn’t jealous here—he’s happy for them. 

3x14 Illuminated: Mutual Recognition Scott and Allison are both at Danny’s halloween party, but they’re not here together. He sees her from across a crowded room, just like he did at the winter formal, so many months ago. But so much has happened, and they’re different people now. Allison’s with Isaac, and he’s starting to having feelings for Kira, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, and that he doesn’t miss the relationship he and Allison had. For a moment, his fingers slip away from Kira’s, and he and Allison share a sad smile. 

Believe it or not, these are actually the only other examples I could find of Scott reacting to Isaac and Allison’s relationship. And uniformly across them, he’s sad, yes—after all, he loved her, and that relationship is very definitively over now. But he never seems jealous, and he isn’t angry.

So, if the Scott and Isaac scenes in Anchors don’t fit the pattern of Scott’s behavior towards the new couple, what pattern do they fit?

“Hit me.”

The teen wolf writers have a... really upsetting habit, honestly, of “resolving” interpersonal conflict between two characters by having the “wronged” party hit the other. Afterwards, the tension is almost completely broken between them, as if letting the person act aggressively in a way consensual to both parties has somehow solved the problem.

2x11 Battlefield: Derek and Peter After Peter comes back from the dead, he confronts the now pack-less Derek and offers to help him. Derek, likely remembering that Peter killed Laura and was responsible for most of the events of S1, attacks him instead. After taking a beating, Peter says the following:

PETER: Okay, go ahead! Come on, do it! Hit me. Hit me. I can see that it's cathartic for you! You're letting go of all the anger, self-loathing, and hatred that comes with total and complete failure. I may be the one taking the beating, Derek, but you've already been beaten. So, go ahead. Hit me if that will make you feel better. After all, I did say that I wanted to help.

3x13 Anchors: Scott and Isaac We’ve already discussed this scene in uh. Detail. So I don’t think we need to go into the specifics again. But just a reminder that this dialogue exists:

ISAAC: Do you want to hit me? SCOTT: No. ISAAC: I think you should hit me.

5x15 Amplification: Scott and Liam During the previous supermoon, Liam—swayed by grief, the full moon, and Theo’s manipulations—tried to kill Scott and take his power. They’ve since rediscovered an equilibrium in their relationship, and Liam’s back in Scott’s pack, but they’re both still dealing with the implications of that event. In this episode, they’re attempting to break Lydia out of Eichen, but they’re not as strong as they should be, due to the mountain ash laced through the building, and are having difficulty breaking down a door. Then, the following exchange occurs:

LIAM: Hit me. SCOTT: What? LIAM: Hit me! I'll get angry, then I'll get stronger. STILES: Hit him. Hit him! LIAM: I tried to take your powers. I tried to kill you. Hit me! STILES: He also left you for dead. LIAM: I wanted you dead!

6x16 Triggers: Liam and Theo No one actually directly says “hit me” in  this one, due to the circumstances, but the sentiment’s there. In this sequence, Liam and Theo are trying to convince Gerard and the hunters that the whole pack is hiding out in the zoo, so Theo goads Liam into hitting him, in order to stage a very audible fight.

THEO: Okay... Then they have to believe us.[shouts] Isn't that right? LIAM: [whispers] Why are you yelling? THEO: [shouts] You got a problem? Oh, that's right, you always have a problem! LIAM: [whispers] What the hell are you doing? THEO: [shouts] Shut up! [punches Liam] Yeah, you see that, Scott? Your little Beta can't even take a punch. And what do you think, Malia?

While there’s a variety of primary textual reasons here, all of them deal with personal issues between the pair, and all of them involve some level of catharsis for the person doing the punching. Taken all together, it’s honestly a pretty troubling pattern, especially given the inclusion of an actual canonical abuse victim initiating and receiving the violence.

TL;DR

This is a writer issue, not a character issue. The serious narrative context conflicts with the comedic framing in a way that is honestly baffling to me, and it doesn’t fit the established pattern of Scott’s character and actions. Moreover, it’s an example of the writers’ apparent belief that interpersonal conflict can and should be solved through consensual violence.

The pattern we do see, is that the Scott is saddened by the knowledge that Allison has moved on, but he’s glad that she and Isaac are happy. Similarly, Allison is saddened that Scott is moving on as well, because she does still care for him deeply. Despite their conflicted feelings, neither tries to disrupt the other’s new relationship.

On other shows, that would be a season-long, drama-filled plotline. Here, nothing.

And I legitimately love that so much.