#i don’t know how many times i’ve cried today but it was more than it shoudlve been

[fandom-fae]

why can’t i just be a normal fucking person

[jennifer-jeong]

Guess who😊

As a reference to what you posted earlier, imagine that after the reader dies of old age, Xiao and Scaramouche encounter a reincarnation of themselves? It's your choice to make them mortal or not (I'm under your bed. If you make them mortal I will kick your feet at night.)

Take your time dear <3

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG FJDKSLA;FJDSA; life has been kicking my ASS but fuck it we ball HELLO MY MUTUAL THANK YOU FOR YOUR REQUEST, I’ve honestly been thinking hard because I want to also request some ideas because your writing is so sweet ehehehe OK PLEASE DON’T KICK MY FEET AT NIGHT THAT’S HORRIFYING - I WILL MAKE THE REINCARNATION IMMORTAL

ALSO @iota1111 these are my ideas for that Xiao and Wanderer angst! If you read only to the *** in each fic, that would be where I’d end the story if it wasn’t meant to be a happy ending! (I would suffer!!!!)

Fluff + Angst | Xiao/Wanderer x GN!Reader Reincarnation

CONTENT Angst to fluff, happy ending, reader death, mentions of death, mentions of fighting/them taking their anger out on things

XIAO

When you passed away, Xiao was absolutely heartbroken. He knew it was coming, he prepared for it, he stayed by your side through your deteriorating health in your last few months. But no matter what, he knew it would destroy him, and it did.

No one saw Xiao for weeks after but everyone noticed that Liyue was safer than ever. Xiao engrossed himself in his work. Taking out his emotions onto the monsters in Liyue. He worked himself to exhaustion every single day. Zhongli still came to check up on him but knew Xiao just needed time.

He didn’t know what to do with himself. What was he supposed to do? You were gone. HIs sunshine, his muse, his… everything.

Xiao collapsed after giving himself no rest for who knows how many nights. Laying in the grass, he stared up at the moon. Asking himself what he could’ve done differently and if he could’ve "selfishly" extended your life. If he could’ve made you immortal like him.

He listened to the bugs chirp around him, the breeze drying the tears he didn’t know were falling. For the first time in a long time, he cried. He sobbed and bit back the urge to lash out at everything in the vicinity. He was on his side, clutching his aching heart, crying into the soft grass he used to lay on with you.

He had gone through so much pain in his life: his karmic debt, the abuse from his old master, losing his found family, and all the years of deafening solitude.

But nothing would ever hurt more than losing you.

Xiao cried his heart out and knocked out from the exhaustion and pain. He slept peacefully for the first time since you passed. *** Xiao woke up the next morning with a start. Confused and disoriented not because of where he had fallen asleep, but because he sensed something insane.

He sensed you.

It was your soul, the one he swore himself to. There was no denying it. Was this a sick joke? Was some old evil spirit messing with him?

It had been months since your passing but there was no denying it. It was you.

Unfortunately, years would pass while Xiao searched for you. He was obsessed over it at first but once he could tell that your soul was safe and alive, he relaxed just a little. He still wanted to see you again, hold you, and whisper how much he loved you, but he knew you’d find each other eventually. He made himself a silent promise that he’d find you no matter what. He didn’t really have much else to do for all of eternity anyways.

Xiao confided in Zhongli through these years, the elder god revealing the possibility of reincarnation, revealing that it’s not uncommon. Souls return to the Earth in many forms but he hints to Xiao that he believes what he’s sensing is indeed you in human form.

Eventually, Xiao would be on a typical nightly patrol, sensing your soul nearby as always. But it was a bit different today. It was stronger.

As if right on cue, Xiao entered a clearing and despite it being nighttime, he saw the sun.

His beautiful sun had somehow risen again against all odds. You didn’t know his name but you knew his soul.

He recognized the sigil on your clothing, it belonged to an adeptus master he hadn’t seen in decades. The draconic horns on your head told him you were reborn in a different body, an immortal body. One that had you trained as an adepti for these past years, likely hidden away in a domain. It clicked in his head. It’s why he could always sense you, but never quite find where you were.

You turned around after feeling his approach. He wondered if you could feel his soul the way he felt yours. If you longed for him even in your new existence. He had so much to ask. But you pulled him out of his noisy thoughts.

Your voice brought him serenity he had long forgotten.

His heart pounded as you spoke.

“I missed you, my love.”

Instantly you were in each other's arms.

“I missed you too,” he says as his voice cracks.

WANDERER

He was angry, reverting back to how he was before Nahida, the traveler, and you helped him. He blamed the gods, the world, for his sorrows, for his pain. He sought to destroy it all again for somehow making his suffering worse. He had felt pain similar to this. It was all too familiar for him. The constant cycle of loss, betrayal, and agony. But this time, he was on the brink of insanity.

You, his perfect flower, had finally wilted.

He’s stuck bargaining for months, reverting between stages of grief: anger and bargaining. Never able to move on past that.

He continues on his missions for Nahida because he knows it’s what you've wanted but also because he didn’t know what else to do with himself. Any of his combat missions turned into tortures and near assassinations. He used it as a tool to cool himself off, much to the silent disapproval of Nahida. But she knew he’d never disobey your wishes, your morals. You taught him better than to kill out of emotion.

Wanderer commonly visits the forests where you two used to adventure to find some sort of peace and familiarity. He tends to avoid the Aranara despite the fact that they know about your passing and would probably be able to comfort him about it. He just didn’t think he could handle it.

Seasons pass and on one of his trips into the sunny lush forests, growing again due to the spring season, Aranara bring him your favourite flowers when they bloom again the next year. They loved you dearly too, you treated them and the forest with such gentleness that they could never forget you. They didn’t know how to approach him earlier so they used this opportunity instead.

His heart ached and his anemo vision surged with energy when he saw the flower. He finally reached his breaking point, he fell to his knees on the grass and sobbed, clutching the flower to his chest. Letting go of all the stupid anger and bargaining. Who was he kidding, he just didn’t want to accept that he’d have to keep going without you. *** The Aranara tell him not to worry though, comforting and telling him it will be okay. At first he’s confused as to what they mean but Nahida walks out into the sunlit clearing, the sun about to start setting.

She tells him she knows it hurts but that the Irminsul has a message for him and it says that he should not fret and continue to live on and explore the forest. His tear stained face raised an eyebrow but it slowly turned to determination, he knew Irminsul would not lie.

It would take years but he slowly started to feel you nearby. He’d dream of you. The forest felt like you and he could feel your energy in the flora. He confided in Nahida and their bond only grew stronger, he’d also reach out to the Aranara when he’d adventure out of the city.

Eventually, the Aranara prepared and held a ceremony, sensing the birthing of something new, a nature spirit. Nahida described it using the term “nymph.”

Wanderer was silent as he put the pieces together. He held his breath as he realized it might be you. Your reincarnation.

He always saw you as his flower, but he didn’t think you’d become a nature spirit, he was not complaining about it in the slightest though.

Nahida explained that you would exist in the physical realm but had strong ties to the dream realm, you’d be immortal like Aranara are but you’d still be able to live with him in the physical.

As you manifested and blinked open your eyes, you immediately looked at him.

His hands were shaking, unsure if he was scared, happy, both? Was it really you? Had the world finally decided to grant him happiness instead of sorrow? Was this a gift?

But as you took gentle steps towards him, he realized something important:

It didn’t matter.

You were here again, in front of him. Nothing else mattered.

You reached out to hold his face with your hands. You knew him, you knew your soul belonged to him and his to you.

He drew in closer to you, holding your face and touching your foreheads together, tears threatening to fall.

Your beautiful voice spoke to him again in what felt like an eternity. He had almost forgotten what you sounded like.

“Don’t cry my love, I’m here.”

His eyebrows scrunched as his tears fell. He wraps his arms around you tight, never wanting to let go, scared you’d leave him again.

“I missed you so much,” he whispered shakily, scared that his voice would fail if he tried to speak.

“I missed you too. I’m here to stay.”

|| MASTERLIST ♡ || Thank you for reading! ||

[incogrio]

k.th - escape with me

pairing: taehyun x gn! reader

genre: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort except i’m bad at writing the hurt part

synopsis: taehyun tries to make up for not being able to go out in public w u. ends up trying to act tough in an escape room.

warnings: poorly written all around, angst, tae is kinda mean, reader is cringy, members make fun of tae

w/c: 1.5k+

a/n: okay so. this took so long to write bc ya boy has been STRUGGLING w both motivation and the wifi in costa rica. i kinda gave up at the end, pls forgive me :( once im back in the states, ill be writing much better fics! and i’ll be accepting requests for enhypen too!!!!! (might be a little inaccurate as i am currently getting into them) ANYWAYS LOVE YALL I HOPE YOU DONT KILL ME FOR HOW BAD THIS IS!!!

taehyun was, in many ways, your dream boy. he was affectionate, protective, caring, funny, and he always listened.

except for when he couldn’t.

you were currently in your third fight of the week with your boyfriend of a few months. the topic of your arguments never wavered: you could never be seen in public with him. actually, scratch that. you could be in public with him. it’s not like you wanted a huge display of affection right in the middle of the streets of seoul. you did, however, want to feel like your relationship with your boyfriend wasn’t so one sided.

“tyun, please, stop.” you cried, resting your head in your hands whilst seated on the couch.

“no, you have to listen! i can’t give you what you want, y/n. if only you stopped being so selfish.”

and then, footsteps. a door slamming. blood began rushing to your ears and manifesting itself as tears cascading down your cheeks. he never called you by your real name. he never left you in the middle of a fight. he never made you sob without consoling you. he never.

it wasn’t until two days later that you heard from taehyun in forms other than ‘did you eat?’ texts and doordash notifications. three heavy knocks erupted from the side of taehyun’s fist and the wooden door. the same door that you had been seated at everyday for hours, awaiting his return.

“angel, are you there?” he asked, his voice clearly strained from sobbing or yelling, or both. you didn’t respond, but he noticed your shadow sitting on the ground via the slit between the door and the floor.

he sighed as he slowly adjusted himself to sit with his side and head leaning against the wood.

“you don’t have to open up. just listen, yeah? can you listen for me, doll?” he asked rhetorically. “i am so sorry, angel. you… you deserve so much more than i am able to give you. so much more than hiding and sneaking around and figuring out disguises. you deserve your praises shouted from the rooftops.” taehyun sighed.

a pregnant pause. “i talked to hybe. that’s… that’s what i’ve been doing. i told them how much it’s been hurting us. and i think we can make this work! if you want to, angel… please, please want to.”

you sniffle. “i do.” taehyun closed his eyes and sighed dreamily at the sound of your voice. he allowed himself to cry for a moment, biting his lip to quench his whines.

“thank you, baby.”

a few days later, taehyun is in the back of txt’s van, accompanied by all the members and you. he had promised you that you’d be able to go on actual dates, as long as they were slightly modified. restaurants would be cleared out of people, and staff were to sign an nda. parks were to be closed off to the general public due to “maintenance”. movie theaters were to be kept completely dark at all times, with only you two and the staff not even being allowed to know who the famous person was. it was not a normal relationship, far from it, but it was yours. and he cared enough to try for you.

today, you were on your way to an escape room. txt were already filming a “to-do” episode in this specific location, and taehyun managed to convince the staff to give him a separate escape room to do with you after the filming had ended. you were ecstatic when he told you, and he was ecstatic that you were no longer crying because of him.

except, for a few days ago, when he told his beloved members of the plans.

“you’re taking… them… to an escape room? you’re a scaredy cat.” soobin noted with a scrunched up face in confusion. tyun’s happy smile slowly deflated, his eyes uncrinkling as he thought about what he said.

beomgyu immediately burst out laughing, “you’re gonna embarrass yourself! oh my god- you should record it too!” taehyun immediately rolled his eyes, and pretended his members words didn’t get to him. kai immediately went up to him and patted his back silently.

so now, as he sits next to you he’s fidgeting with his shorts, looking out the window as his sweat becomes more frequent. would you think he was a loser if he got scared? would you break up with him? make fun of him? prefer kai because of his calmness when it comes to jumpscares?

he began bobbing his leg up and down, gnawing at his lip as the van finally pulled up to the filming location. taehyun tried his best to calm himself for the filming, but found that the members had to say his nerves were from fear of the jumpscares.

what felt like too long and too little time passed, and suddenly you were both being told the synopsis of your goal by the escape room manager.

as you both walk inside the dimly lit, extremely decorated gigantic cage, you slip your hand into taehyuns.

“i’m a little nervous…” you muttered, and he felt a glimpse of both hope and bravery blossom in his chest.

a small smile graced his lips, “don’t worry, i’ll protect you!” he said with his teeth sticking out from behind his lips. he looked adorably unthreatening. immediately after, a booming recording welcomed you into the chamber.

“WELCOME LAB RATS!” it shouted, causing you both to jump, “DONT WORRY! YOU WONT BE IN THIS CAGE SOON! SOON, YOU’LL BE JUST LIKE HIM!” and suddenly! the roof pops open and a giant, fake rat corpse falls to the ground. you immediately shriek and hide behind taehyun, and he gulps in fear as he tries his best to maintain his composure.

he reaches behind him with one hand, holding your waist softly as he tries to simultaneously comfort the both of you, and uses his free hand to stuff his closed fist into his mouth in a desperate attempt to stifle his scream.

you slowly creep out from behind him, realizing how obviously fake the rat was and that you had missed all of the clues the fake doctor had given you during the rest of his monologue. oh well, you think, and look to tae.

“are you…” you laugh a little, “are you okay?” you ask incredulously as you witness his biting on his fist. he looks up, immediately dropping his fist and shoving his tough guy act back on.

he nods, clenching his jaw and trying to keep a straight face.

oh, you think. oh this is going to be fun.

you insist on splitting up, looking around a comically food bowl and finding various clues and seemingly random items.

tae is behind you on the other side of the cage. he reaches his hand inside the giant pile of fake hamster shavings, straining his neck to keep his eyes barely looking at the scene in front of him. as he combs through the shavings, his hands wrap around a small, cylindrical object. he shrieks in fear, launching back and landing on his butt before crawling over to you.

he clears his throat pointlessly, “um… something is over there…” he says, voice wavering despite his want to seem fine.

you have to bite your lip in order to hold back your laughter. you walk over, kneeling at the shavings.

he whined out a small, “ahh!!!” as he closed his eyes and turned away, only hearing you reach inside. you pull out what looked to be a kaleidoscope. you decide to have some fun.

“i got it,” you mutter, and he slowly turns back towards you. “wait what the… AHHHHH!!!!” you start screaming in faux terror when you lifted it up to look through it, throwing it across the cage. taehyun, despite his fear, rushes up next to you, holding your cheeks in his palms and squishing them together slightly.

“are you okay?” he asked, nervousness obvious in his boba eyes.

you shake your head and pout dramatically, “you look and see!!” you insist.

he sighs, pressing a kiss to your forehead and slowly going up to the kaleidoscope as though it would reach out and bite him. he brings it up to his eye, and tilts his head.

“there’s nothing?” he remarks in tiny english, to which you grow genuinely confused at. you were being dramatic, yes, but before you saw a beautiful design with letters and numbers throughout.

“what?” you walk up, looking through it. and again, darkness. you slowly lower it from your eye, bringing a hand to cover your mouth in shock. “oh my god i broke it.”

“huh?”

“TYUN I WAS BEING DRAMATIC SO I COULD SCARE YOU BUT OH MY GOD I BROKE IT.”

he stares at you in disbelief, before letting out a few giggles and looking up at one of the cameras in the room.

“can we still complete the escape room?” he asked, scratching the back of his head as he ignored your cackling.

they only hear a sigh, before being promptly kicked out of the building.

long story short: next time, just ask your beautiful boba eyed boyfriend to take you bowling. he’d still embarrass himself, but at least the props will stay intact.

comment, dm, or ask to be added to the taglist!

requests are open for both enhypen and txt!! ask to your hearts content :3

don’t forget your daily click to help palestine! (it’s completely free and just one click!)

[kyletogaz]

walk with me here… Kyle Garrick…. Formula 1 driver. Working with John Price for his career comeback. (Idk shit about F1 I'm just tryna help that writers block lmao)

wait i’ve got something

kyle garrick, scuderia ferrari’s pride and joy.

and the best driver on the grid. he’s been doing this shit since his formula 3 days. just a kid who loves to drive. a kid who enjoys the rush. a boy who’s been competitive ever since he knew what the word meant. and as always, kyle puts in the work and moves on to formula 2, where he experiences nothing but screaming fans & trophies. he is the moment.

just shy of 22, he signs a contract with ferrari for formula 1.

“you’ve got the potential to become one of the greatest formula one drivers there ever was,” they’d said.

kyle still can’t believe that shit. ferrari??? driving for ferrari had always been a dream for him. a dream he never thought would come true. they day he signed on the dotted line, something shifted for him.

“you look good in red,” his moms had told him when they first saw him in his race suit right before testing.

driving for ferrari was everything to kyle. he lived and breathed red. in his very first season as a formula 1 driver, he won the race in shanghai for the chinese grand prix. that first win was all the motivation kyle needed to keep winning poles in qualifying and winning race after race for the next few years.

“no grind. no grit. no greatness,” kyle would say when everyone asked him how does he keep winning. how does he keep getting better and better?

winning was everything. but sometimes kyle did his best and only managed a P2 or P3, which wasn’t ideal for him. then there were times when the car wouldn’t do what it was supposed to, so kyle would drop down to P5 or P6. it was rare, but it would happen. post race interviews when he wasn’t in the top 3 were the worst for him.

he’d say, “i did the best i could today. when you have issues with the car, it’ll only get you so far,” in front of the cameras. but when they were off, he’d tell anyone who’d listen how he really felt.

“you can’t win them all.”

“no, but imma try.”

and try he did. over the years, kyle inherits too many trophies to count.

it isn’t until he’s 30 when things change. it’s the last race of the season in abu dhabi, and kyle is gunning for P1 like he always does. he won in vegas and qatar, why not go for three in a row?

kyle has driven around the yas marina circuit more times than he can count. so why the fuck does he spin out and crash into the wall? red car just completely wrecked. red car up in flames while kyle struggles to breathe and to get himself out.

it’s like a fucking blur from there. he doesn’t remember getting out of the car before it exploded, doesn’t remember how he got to the hospital.

kyle cries like a fucking baby when they tell him how damaged his left leg is. the broken ribs he can handle. but the leg??? nah. and being laid up in the hospital does nothing to help his mental state. he keeps replaying the crash over and over in his head. he’s trying to see where it all went wrong.

did i miss something? is it my fault? is it the car’s fault? just a string of questions with no answers.

“i don’t understand,” is all he can tell his moms and his sisters, before he burst into tears.

the engine. it’s fucked. he’d found out from his teammate.

“my first DNF, who would have thought.” kyle knows he sounds bitter, but he doesn’t give a shit. he’s hurt, in more ways than one.

abu dhabi was supposed to be his. but sometimes kyle doesn’t get what he wants.

ferrari starts the next season without him while he’s in recovery. it’s a punch to the gut and kyle actually loses it. he spirals. he knew it would happen, but it still hurts.

“they didn’t move on without you, ky,” his older sister tells him one day when she comes over to visit. “they’ll be welcoming you back home with open arms whenever you’re ready.”

kyle decides he’s ready to get back on the track, right before the next testing for the 2025 season.

he wins P1 in australia, shanghai, miami, silverstone (home race), belgium, mexico, vegas and abu dhabi of course.

and if they start calling kyle garrick the G.O.A.T. on social media, he doesn’t argue.

-

testing - pre season testing for 3 three days

“no grind no grit. no greatness.” - i’ve been watching bel-air and that line seemed fitting lmao

DNF - did not finish

[lemonlover1110]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝟑𝟖𝟏

Toji Fushiguro

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[Chapter 10] Megumi's Fourth Birthday

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader

Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi

*Just a fluffy chapter, I hope y'all enjoy🥹

Being with Megumi as his fourth birthday approaches is an exciting experience. Megumi knows that his birthday is coming up, his father reminds him daily, and he tells you about it excitedly. The little boy has so many plans, telling you that when he grows a year older he’ll be much more mature than he is now; he won’t be scared to try new things and he’ll behave better. Apparently he’ll be able to stay up longer and he won’t cry over such miniscule things, he’ll eat more veggies and he’ll make more friends.

For his fourth year of life, Megumi has so many plans and you’re beyond excited to be a part of them. Toji sent you the details of the small birthday party that he’s hosting for Megumi. Nothing too extravagant, he’s just taking the kid to his favorite restaurant inviting a couple of Megumi’s daycare friends, and after they’ll go to an arcade, which is perfect since Megumi is finally getting a hang of the games offered. There’s only a couple of games that he actually knows how to play, and he can’t wait to play them with his friends. A party at the park would’ve been a better idea, but it’s extremely cold outside so it wouldn’t be smart. 

You’re not sure if you want to join Toji, feeling that you’ll be too old amongst the other kids, but Toji insists that you must go because he doesn’t want to be stuck with three kids. So you’re going. By noon you’re outside your door and knocking on Toji’s since you agreed to meet at the time. When he opens the door, you hear Megumi’s cries and you furrow your brows. Toji sighs.

“He refuses to put on his pants.” Toji is quick to share, and you chuckle. Toji notices the blue shopping bag in your hand, and when he offers to take it from your hand, you shake your head. You smile at him before asking,

“May I come in, Toji? I think I have the perfect way to help you.” You respond, and he moves aside to let you come into the apartment. You walk in, walking straight to Megumi. You crouch down and smile at the teary-eyed boy. You wipe his tears and pout before asking, “What’s up baby? Why don’t you want to put on your pants?”

He doesn’t have an actual valid response, the young boy just doesn’t want to wear pants. You hold back on chuckling before offering, “I have a very special gift for my birthday boy, but I can only give it to you if you wear your pants.”

“But–” Megumi begins, his tears streaming down his face again. It takes everything in you not to laugh.

“See what I’ve been dealing with?” Toji says, and it makes Megumi’s crying worse. You shush the man before turning your full attention to Megumi again.

“I promise that you’ll love what I got you, Megumi. All you have to do is put on your pants. And after we’ll go have lunch at your favorite place– We’re going to do so much fun stuff, Megumi.” You tell him, and after a minute, he ends up putting the pants on without a problem. Toji rolls his eyes, an exasperated sigh leaving his lips. How come when he bribes Megumi it doesn’t work?

“I’m ready.” Megumi answers. However, you can’t just leave yet because Toji isn’t ready yet. He struggled getting Megumi ready, and now the man isn’t changed to leave. He begins to get undressed, taking off his shirt and pants to put on the outfit he had picked out for today. Meanwhile, Megumi opens the gift you got him, and he wastes no time in playing with it.

“Do you like it, Megumi?” You ask him, and he nods in response. He smiles at you and you smile back at him. He continues playing until Toji is ready to go. 

“Alright, let’s go.” Toji orders, and you’re out the door within a minute. Megumi holds your hand while you walk to Toji’s car. You end up picking him up while you walk down the stairs.

“Did I forget to wish you a happy birthday?” You ask Megumi, and you stick your bottom lip out when he nods in response. You kiss his temple before telling him, “Happy birthday, Megumi. I love you.”

“I love you too.” He mutters, and it fills your heart up with joy. Toji fights back a smile as he listens to the interaction, walking behind you. God, that’s so sappy, he can’t smile at it, he’s not a sappy man.

Taking care of three kids outside of work hours is more exhausting than your actual job. For some reason, it’s extremely draining to watch three kids. Megumi becomes more energetic and more talkative with the kids, which was to be expected but you just didn’t expect him to be such a handful. But you’re glad that he is, because it means that he’s having fun. You’re not sure Toji shares those same feelings because the man looks tired.

After eating with three four-year-olds, Toji is chasing them around the arcade. Toji wants to play some games with you, and just as he’s about to, Megumi asks for some assistance to play a different game. Toji’s not lucky at all because every time he approaches you with the intent of having some fun himself, a stupid four-year-old tugs on his pants and asks the stupid question, “Will you help me, Mr. Fushiguro?”

He knows he has to comply, he wants to make Megumi happy and he has to do that by making his friends happy. Toji doesn’t want to admit that he’s jealous– He’s jealous of a fucking four-year-old because he gets to play with you while Toji doesn’t. Toji has to chase around some stupid kids, and help them out as well. 

But finally, he sees his opportunity. He walks over to you as you awkwardly stand, looking for another game to play. Just when Toji’s hopes go up, they quickly go down. Megumi runs over to you and catches your attention.

“Can we play air hockey?” Megumi asks, blinking rapidly in your direction which causes you to laugh. You’re about to nod but you feel a hand land on the small of your back. You look at Toji and you smile at him. Toji’s brows furrow as he looks down at his son before he asks,

“Can I play a game with her?” Which causes Megumi to shake his head. It takes everything in Toji to not roll his eyes. He sighs. “C’mon, let me play a single game with her.”

“It’s my birthday.” Megumi is all pouty as he points out that it’s his special day. Toji pinches the bridge of his nose before admitting that it is. Toji’s about to watch over the other two kids, before you speak up,

“How about the three of us play a game? I mean, it’s up to four players.” You suggest, and the simple idea hadn’t crossed Toji’s mind. They both agree.

“Should I get one of the other kids?” Toji asks, and you shake your head. They’re playing another game together and you don’t want to interrupt it because in the end one of them will be left out. They’re in the games that are right in front of you, so you’re not too worried about them. It’s fine as long as they’re in your vision “So how are we going to do it?”

“I’ll team up with Megumi, and you can play alone. I think you’ll be fine.” You answer, and he ends up nodding in response. Toji grabs the blue paddle, while you and Megumi are stuck with the red ones. 

You begin to play, and it takes Megumi a bit to get used to the game. He’s good at stopping the puck from scoring, but he can’t stop Toji every time. Both of you notice Megumi getting frustrated by the game, and Toji is thinking about going easy because he can’t be too competitive with a four-year-old. He even touches the puck a couple of times, stopping it, and while Toji wants to tell his son that you can’t do that in the game, the little man just turned four. But once Megumi gets the hang of it, he manages to score a couple times with your help.

Toji still wins though. And before you demand a rematch, Megumi wanders off to his friends, about to ask them if they want to play a racing game; Megumi sucks at it but he loves playing the game since he gets to sit down. He usually asks his father for help, but he likes to show off to his friends that he’s a big boy now.

“Wow, can’t believe he just left us like that.” You joke, and Toji chuckles, watching as Megumi’s two friends follow him. When they get to their game, you turn your attention to Toji and ask, “Ready for a rematch?”

“If you’re ready to lose.” He answers, and you begin another game. But this time you actually do all the work. You were only helping Megumi in the last round but this time you’re actually playing. Toji is still a hard opponent but every time he scores, you get even. 

Toji almost lets you win, but his competitive side gets the best of him, and he has to score against you a couple of times. Until he finally wins. You pout your lips and cross your arms before you walk over to Megumi and his friends to check how they are. You hear Toji yell,

“Oh c’mon! I thought you wanted a fair game!” 

Within the hour, the kids’ parents pick them up from the arcade. Megumi is bummed out to see them go, but he forgets once he plays a couple more games with you. By the end of the day, you have so many tickets.

Megumi trades in his tickets for candy, you trade yours in to get a stupid cartoon ball for Megumi, which he loves more than the candy– With what you have left over you also get some candy for Megumi, which he thanks you for. Toji has the most amount of tickets, doing extraordinary in every single game that the arcade offered (he won’t mention that he stole some of Megumi’s friends' tickets, claiming it as a small fee for everything). However, Toji doesn’t know what he can spend his tickets on.

He ponders on it for a moment, looking at all the fun toys and gadgets that he can pick from. He calculates that he can get two giant stuffed animals, and he stares for a moment. Is it really worth it? The man looks at you and Megumi, as you suck on a lollipop that Megumi offered. Megumi also has his own candy that he sucks on. He smiles at you two, and then gets the two stuffed teddy bears.

You don’t notice it until Toji holds two giant stuffed bears. You laugh since Toji looks absolutely ridiculous but yet so adorable. You tilt your head before you ask, “Two? What for?”

“One for Megumi...” Toji begins. He can’t hand the stuffed bear to Megumi since they’re almost the same size, but also because Megumi’s hands are full. Toji then extends the other bear, “The other for you.”

“Oh…” You feel your face get warm, taking the stuffed bear from his hands. You mutter a thank you, before a weak smile overcomes his lips. Toji clears his throat before he asks,

“Ready to go home?”

When you get back to the apartment building, you drop the stuffed animal back at your apartment before you go to Toji’s apartment. You had some dessert at the restaurant but nothing like the traditional cake. And while Megumi would’ve liked celebrating this part of the day with his friends, Toji didn’t really want to invite two other kids to the small place of living. 

Toji lights up four candles, and you begin to sing happy birthday to Megumi, however, he blows the candles out before due time. He heard the cake was a chocolate one and he can’t wait to taste it. You and Toji laugh.

You help Toji out, serving the slices of cake for everyone before you take a seat and enjoy it in silence. Toji finds himself foolishly smiling, he doesn’t remember the last time he was this happy. He’s watching Megumi, who’s making a complete and total mess with his cake.

“I hope that after all the sweets you can sleep tonight.” Toji comments, and Megumi doesn’t miss a beat before responding,

“It’s my birthday.” Which has been Megumi’s only comeback for the day. You chuckle, before nodding.

“He’s right.”

“I wasn’t even telling him anything bad. Just an observation.” Toji responds. A genuine smile comes to your lips as you make eye contact with Toji. His cheeks turn a sweet shade of pink. God, he wishes he could’ve spent the day with just the two of you, but it’s not his birthday. He cherishes this moment because it almost feels like you’re a family. 

“I want more cake.” Megumi says, putting his fork down. Toji shakes his head.

“No more cake for today. You’ve had enough sugar, even if it is your birthday.” Toji tells him, and Megumi crosses his arms, pouting his lips. You can’t do anything about it even if you wanted to. Giving Megumi more sugar would be an awful idea.

“You can have more cake tomorrow, Megumi.” You point out but it doesn’t help much. Megumi wants the cake now, not tomorrow. But Megumi has had a great day, so he won’t throw a tantrum, even if it is his birthday.

Toji clears his throat before he stands up. He walks over to the dresser, opening a drawer to pull something out. Your back is turned to him so you don’t really see anything until Toji takes a seat again and he puts down a black square box. He slides it across the table, and you raise your brows.

“What is this?” You ask Toji as you take the box.

“Just a gift. We won’t be together for the holidays since I’ll be taking Megumi to spend it with his grandparents. Thought it’d be appropriate to get you something since you’re so kind to us.” Toji answers, which takes you back. You open the box to find a charm bracelet, which almost makes you burst into tears because it’s perfect. You’ve never really thought about getting a charm bracelet, but you find it like such a thoughtful gift from his part.

Megumi is looking, trying to see what the gift is. He thought he was the only one that got gifts today, but he doesn’t mind that you’re getting something. Megumi absolutely adores you. Toji clears his throat again before saying, “It’s not real gold… Sorry.”

“Oh, Toji, this is so beautiful. I love it.” You smile at him, putting on the bracelet before sliding yourself across the floor to throw your hands over him and hug him. You kiss his cheek, and you immediately feel embarrassed when you pull away. Maybe you should’ve just stuck with a hug. Toji smiles at you.

Megumi walks over to you, crossing his arms before he asks, “Do I get a kiss too?”

“You get all the kisses you want.” You respond, filling his face with kisses until he’s giggling and pushing you away. Once you stop, you stand up, “I should get going.”

“Stay.” Megumi looks up at you with doe eyes, and you pout. You kiss the top of his head before you ruffle his hair. “It’s my birthday.”

“I’m tired, baby. But I’ll come back tomorrow to play with you, okay?” You respond, and he pouts. He’s about to throw a tantrum, and when Toji sees it, he stands up.

“I’ll walk you home.” Toji offers, not wanting to witness what’s about to happen. He expected the tantrums to stop the moment Megumi turned four, but this is the second one today. You two walk out the door together, leaving Megumi to scream by himself. It almost makes you turn around to stay with him a little longer, but Toji guides you out because he knows you’re weak.

“I feel bad.” You comment, opening the door to the home. He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, putting his hands in his pockets.

“You can’t give in or he’ll throw more tantrums. You’ve spent your entire day with him, you must be tired.” Toji tells you, which is true but that doesn’t make you feel any less bad. Megumi is still screaming. You open the door to your apartment, and you turn to look at Toji for a minute. You smile as his hand goes to your cheek, caressing you with his thumb. You lightly bite down on your lip, and when he realizes what he’s doing, he takes his hand back and almost mutters an apology. He awkwardly says, “You look really pretty. Thank you for joining us.”

“Toji…” The way you say his name makes him melt. He doesn’t like that feeling that begins to overtake him when he hears your voice or when he hears your name. He looks at you. You grab the collar of his shirt and you pull him down, your lips meeting his.

It’s a short kiss, but it feels like it lasts for eternity. Toji wishes it could last for eternity. His body temperature rises, his palms getting sweaty as they go to your back. It’s a sweet kiss, and while he isn’t one that cares for sweets, he wishes he could get this every single day, every hour, every minute, every second. He doesn’t like this care and affection that he’s feeling. He fucking hates it because it makes him weak. He doesn’t like longing for one person. Yet you’re infiltrating his mind, and changing his feelings and thoughts.

You pull away, a sheepish smile on your lips, “Thank you for the bear, Toji. And the bracelet, it was very thoughtful.”

Before he answers, you’re inside, and you’ve shut the door. You’ve left him frozen, questioning everything that just happened. 

Worst of all, you’ve left him with an idiotic smile on his lips, that quickly goes away when he feels it on his face.

[sh1-n0bu]

It is 3am again and I am on Tumblr again to share every thought I've ever had so today's victim of my unquenchable thirst™ is not Scaramouche but Xiao. I cannot get enough of him he is just so mhhhhhh djchwhsjyjsnsnssjsjdjdnnbsbdbdbs. I do not have an urge to bring him to ruin. He's been through enough I just wanna be nice to him. Care for him. Poor thing. I give him many kisses too mwah mwah.

♡︎ 𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢𝙨 ♡︎

characters: sub!xiao x gn!dom!reader

warnings: overstimulation, dacryphillia, dumbification, feminization, corruption, marking, as always i say cock but it can be a strap on as well, some hints of breeding, some heavy make out and ig that’s abt it

notes: GODS HORNY NONNIE I LOVE YOU AND I CANNOT MF STRESS THIS ENOUGH❗️❗️❗️i’ve always wanted to write smt for sub xiao bc how tf are y’all seeing him as a dom😃 bby would cry if given the slightest bit of affection. he’s a thousand year old extra virgin olive oil wtf y’all. anyways sorry i rambled, happy reading fellow horny ppl

sweet boy🥹

sweet sweet baby boy🥹

first of all it would take a lot of time and trust to get to this point of relationship with xiao

at first even a little bit of making out with him would leave him with a mushy brain and a hard cock

he loves loves loves! marking

kiss his neck, suck on it, leave hickeys, bruise him a little bit

make sure everyone knows who he is absolutely smitten for

he doesn’t mind being marked

he’s sensitive!

sensitive sensitive sensitive!!!

just playing with his cute pink nipples while sucking hickeys on his neck would get him to cum in his pants

and speaking of playing with his nipples whenever you play with them or suck on them he would be all whiny but secretly loves it

“hnngh - n-no… don’t do t-that… ‘m not a woman unngh~! aahhh~!”

has the prettiest moans

slightly feminine too

you think scara was loud? xiao is the loudest

the first time you offered to give a handjob he was nervous and excited

he wanted to be more intimate with you but he was afraid he might do something wrong and upset you

not to mention he doesn’t know a single thing about sex

slowly play with his cute small cock, rub the tip it makes him see stars

and when he was about the come he got scared because there was this weird hot feeling in his tummy and he didn’t know what it was and cried😢

you have to teach him about the basics of sex and that weird hot feeling in his tummy is completely okay

and when he first had his orgasm it felt sooo good, it felt like he was sent to celestia

since then he got addicted

wanted to know and feel more about the different pleasures of the flesh and poor boy got addicted

loves loves loves loves loves!!!! lovemaking

guide him through the things, teach him how to pleasure himself, how to ride your cock as his needy hole keeps sucking your cock in like a needy whore

but its okay he’s your sweet needy whore♡︎

the first time he took your cock he was incredibly nervous

was low-key afraid that he might break because it was just too big

definitely has a size kink, it doesn’t matter if you’re physically smaller than him, whenever your tip touches his hole he would trash around saying it would break him because your cock is just too big♡︎

always has a belly bulge♡︎

praise him

never degrade him, he might cry bc you hurt his feelings

would always want to hold hands while making love because he wants that reassurance and fuzzy feeling of being in love and being loved🥺

one time you forgot to hold his hand and he safeworded thinking he did something wrong

“hic y-you didn’t hol-d my hand a-and i thought i did s-something wrong…”

baby boy kwndksjfjkd

i feel like his favorite position would be missionary just so he can see your face and hold you close to him

easily gets overstimulated but loves the feeling so he let’s you keep going even though he’s sobbing and can’t think of a single thing<333

“aanngh! hiiig! [n-name]~~! auUUNGH~! nyaaah~! l-love you! loveyouloveyouloveyou!! kyaa-ngh~!”

since he’s and adepti and adeptis can have a human and animal form i feel like he would go into heats here and there

and boy when he gets into his heat he becomes a bit more… perverted

definitely would drunkenly giggle while guiding your hand and letting it slide up his tummy and to his tits

“giggle… [namee]~ be sure to fuck me full of your cum okay~? giggle”

so be sure to stuff him full okay? pinch his nipples, bite his neck, fuck his pretty cunt and fill him up until he’s satisfied♡︎

aftercare is important!!

after having his tummy fucked (his words not mine) he would need a nice warm bath

kiss his chubby little cheeks and the diamond mark on his forehead<3

hold his hand while whispering to him of how good he was and how he’s such a good boy, your beloved boy, your darling dearest

cuddles after sex is a must and i cannot stress this enough

hold him close, let him hear your heartbeat as he drifts of into sweet dreams because he knows you will always keep him safe and love him eternally

[adoreeenina]

I wanna be yours - Ch. 1

Relationships: Recom! Miles Quaritch x Sully! Reader x Recom! Lyle Wainfleet

WC: 2.9k

Series Summary: ~~~ 𝗜𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝕋𝕨𝕠 𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕓𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕤 𝕗𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕤 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕖𝕝𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕕𝕒𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕠𝕗 𝕁𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕊𝕦𝕝𝕝𝕪.

It’s been a year since the destruction of our home. The ongoing war has been hard on my family, especially on my father. My father gotten worse… cold, stricter, becoming less kind, especially to Neteyam, Lo’ak, and me. He became more like a Drill Sargent than a father. My father made us move to the hidden caves in the Hallelujah Mountains.

Within a year, the sky people expanded, their sizes tripled. My father had orchestrated many raids to destroy their machinery’s to keep them at bay from exploiting our home anymore than they already done. But no matter what my father has done to keep them away, they always bounce back. I’ve seen many ships constantly landing, bringing more people onto our home and more supplies to rebuild on what we broke.

Today my father prepares us for another attack. The supplies train was coming through the train rails not far. My father’s plan was to damage their railway system and take their supplies as our own.

“Do you have to go” Spider walks behind you as you readied your bow and arrow onto Rawm’s saddle.

“Don’t you worry about me. No matter what they throw at me, I always come back, you know that” Spider walks closer to you as he eyes the scars on your body, it went through so much from protecting Spider and your siblings.

Despite what you tell him, he still feels guilty, and it didn’t help that Neytiri blames him.

“That’s what I’m worried about” Spider softly says as he pats Rawm’s neck. Rawm chirps loving the attention.

You finally turn to look down at Spider. You knew Spider is worried about you. How could he not? You were always getting yourself into trouble and coming back with blood on you. You’re worse than Lo’ak, at least that’s what Jake says.

“Spider” you gently place your hand on his shoulder, making him look up at you.

“I promise you. I’ll come back in one piece” you promise with an encouraging smile. Spider couldn’t help but smile back with a nod.

“Y/n, let’s go” Jake calls for you. You sigh as you turn to check you have everything. You do.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back” with that, you bend a knee, placing your foot on Rawm’s harness, pulling yourself up onto his saddle, making Tsaheylu. The bond.

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you” you smirk down at Spider as you lower your Rider’s Mask. With a loud yip, Rawm allows himself fall off the ledge.

Ikran’s screech and roars all around you as Rawm fly’s behind Jake and Neytiri. Many of the warriors hooting and ululating, including your mother.

Following close behind, squinting your eyes through the Rider’s mask, you could mask out the fast moving train.

“Ground team, go” you hear Jake speak through the comm.

Hundreds of warriors on direhorses come flooding through the forest, letting out loud war cries. Some carrying bow and arrows while others are armed with heavy artillery.

An explosion went off on the railway, perfectly timed. Part of the track has blown up, the train screeches as it nails its breaks, an attempt to stop, but the destruction was far to close.

The train couldn’t stop in time, colliding to the broken rail railroad, breaking it into pieces and parts of it falling on its side. The two gunships halted a turn. You knew you had to work fast, before they would call for backup to arrive.

Guiding Rawm to one of the gunships with a loud cry. You dove underneath the ship to its left side, readying your bow, you aim to the soldiers chest, killing him. Rawm flys above ship, quickly aiming your bow and arrow, you shoot an arrow, letting it break through the glass and to the pilot, killing him instantly. You let out a holler as you watch the gunship crash down with an explosion.

With that, many the Na’vi below got to work exploiting the scattered RDA cargo. You watched from above for any more incoming airships.

“Let’s go. Two minutes, people. Let’s go.” You hear Jake.

“Bro, we have got to get down there” you hear Lo’ak. You turn to see your two idiot younger brothers, riding close behind you. A mischievous glint in eye, a look that you knew well.

“No way!” Neteyam calls back.

“Dad will skin you alive” you warn.

“Come on. Don’t be wusses” Lo’ak challenges. with that, Lo’ak guides his Ikran to the ground.

“Lo’ak! Get back here, you… Argh!” Neteyam grunts, watching our younger brother

“Damn it, Lo’ak” you yell after your brother. You turn to Neteyam before he could follow your idiot brother.

“Neteyam, go with mom. I’ll get Lo’ak” you tell him. Neteyam hesitates before glancing down at Lo’ak.

“But-“

“Go!” Neteyam hisses under his breath before listening to you and leaves to the other way. You rather take the blame than let Neteyam take the fall for it.

“Taking the whole case! We’re taking mags, the RPGs, the stingers”

You follow close behind Lo’ak as you both land. You hop off of Rawm as you disconnect the bond.

“Y/n, let’s go. Come on!” Lo’ak calls for you before running towards the the rest of the people.

“Lo’ak!” you hiss as you quickly run close behind him.

“Move! Take that!” You hear Tarsem as he hands out RPGs. Lo’ak runs in line, waiting his turn to grab a gun.

“Tarsem don’t-“ before you could stop him, he already handed Lo’ak a gun. Damn it.

“Take these weapons. Here, boy. Go!” Lo’ak excitedly let out a war cry as he walks away with a gun in his hands.

“Lo’ak!” You were getting tired of calling for him. You started sounding like a fucking parrot, the animal you’ve seen on one of the movies Spider has shown you.

You cut off Lo’ak’s ululating as you grab him by his arm, pulling him towards you.

“You don’t even know how to use it” you nod your head towards the gun, visibly irritated.

Lo’ak looks at you with a smirk as he held up the gun, loading the chamber.

“Dad taught me”

You sigh feeling irritated as you watch Lo’ak pick the gun up to look through the scope.

“Stop that! That is not a toy” you hiss. Lo’ak is really testing your patience, you really want to smack him upside the head.

Not far from where you’re at, you hear a spotter hollers out, a signal.

“Gunships inbound! Fall back!” You hear Jake yell.

You look up seeing two more gunships aiming. Shooting.

“Lo’ak, Go!” You push him in front you, running towards your Ikran’s.

“Y/n, come on!” Lo’ak calls for you.

“I’m right behind you! Go! Hurry!”

You look behind and see one of the gunships aiming at you.

“Lo’ak!” You push Lo’ak, just when they shot at you, setting an explosion off. The impact threw you off. You fall with a grunt. Feeling lightheaded from the impact, you reach to touch your head, feeling blood. Shit.

Jake runs through the debris and broken parts of the train, looking for you and Lo’ak. No matter how bad the relationship between you and him. You’re still his daughter.

“Lo’ak, where are you?” Jake calls out, his eyes squints as he tries to see through the smoke.

“Y/n!” He calls out for you. Jake hears coughing and a dark figure and quickly runs towards it. Seeing it’s Lo’ak, he reaches for him.

“Easy, easy, you okay?” Jake softly tries to comfort him. Lo’ak is still in shock but none the less nods

“Yeah”

“Where’s your sister?” Jake hurriedly ask.

“That way” Lo’ak points at a direction.

“Where is she? Where?” Jake follows the direction on where he pointed.

“Get outta here! Go on!” Jake demands, climbs on top of the destroyed gunship seeing a trail of blood.

“Y/n!” Jake calls. He looks . His heart beating rapidly.

“Shit” you cough out.

“Oh no” Jake whispers, he follows the trail and jumps down from the ship. He sees a dead Na’vi on the laying face down. “Oh, no, no, no” he leans down to check the body, seeing it’s not you.

“Oh god” Jake breathes. He hears your coughing. He notices your body not far. He runs and jumps over a rock, kneeling down over you.

You’re laying on your stomach, Jake gently moves you on your back. You groan, the pain going from 0 to 100. You hiss feeling a burning sensation on your back.

“Y/n” Jake says softly.

“Dad?” You cough out, seeing Jake holding you.

Jake grabs you by your shoulder to sit you up and looks over your shoulder, seeing multiple burns and cuts on your back. You hiss from the movement as Jake lays you back down.

“What are you doing here, Y/n?” Jake growls as you cough. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“Dad, can we not-“ you reply weakly.

Jake stands up as he pulls you by your arm and puts your body over his shoulder.

“You’re supposed to be spotters. You spot bogeys, and you call ‘em in. From a distance” Jake growled angrily at you. “Does any of this sound familiar? Get in here!” Jake tells Lo’ak, who was standing by his Ikran, away from our father wrath. Jake is once again acting like a Drill Sargent rather than a father.

You glare at the ground as Jake berates you. He’s pissed. You never cared of his constant piss show. You did what you had to do, and that’s to protect your brother, and you did. You’ll take pride to it, despite what they’ll tell you. You won’t feel guilty or small by your fathers anger.

You turn to your left feeling someone’s hands on you, seeing Kiri. She looks at your back with a grim look. She gently reaches to touch your back, you grab her hand to pull her away.

“Jesus. I let you three geniuses fly a mission and you disobey a direct orders” Jake scolds you. You once again push Kiri’s hands away when you felt her touch a tender wound.

“Kiri, can you go help your grandmother with the wounded? Please?” Jake says with a softer tone.

“My sister is wounded” Kiri points out, unamused by Jake’s behavior towards you. This isn’t new, Kiri is familiar with how Jake treats you, and she hates it.

“It’s fine, Kiri” you reassure her.

“Baby girl, please. Tuk, go with her. Go.” Jake demands softly. Tuk and Kiri leaves with huff sigh.

“Dad” you call. Jake turns and gives you a hard look. You look back with a glare. Out of all your siblings, you’re the only one who’s not afraid to fight back.

“I’m not going to apologize for this. I’ll admit I went against orders and I’ll take full responsibility for that but-“ Jake cuts you off before you can’t continue, making you clench your jaw.

“Yeah, you do. That’s right. ‘Cause you’re the oldest. You gotta act like it” Jake scolds. Your upper lips twitch with a small snarl you let out towards Jake. Jake glares, challenging you.

“Ma’Jake” Neytiri softly calls. Jake reluctantly turns away from you to look at Neytiri. “Your daughter is actually bleeding”

“I am fine, mother” you turn to glare at Jake. “Not like you care” with out being dismissed by him, you roughly bump your shoulder against his.

“Hey! We’re not done talking!” Jake yells after you, but you ignore him as you went to see Mo’at, your grandmother. Neytiri gives Jake a look as she follows close behind you, not before looking at Lo’ak with a knowing look.

“Neteyam, go with them” Jake dismisses his oldest son. Neteyam gives Lo’ak a look before following you.

Jake sighs before looking at Lo’ak, placing his hands on his military vest.

“You do understand that you almost got your sister killed” Jake lowly says.

“Yes sir” Lo’ak nods.

“You’re grounded. No flying for a month” Jake says. Lo’ak looks down, feeling disappointed. He sometimes wish he had the courage to fight back like you did. Lo’ak Unwilling accepts the punishment, not wanting to anger him.

“Now, see to the Ikran. All of em” Jake demands.

“Yes sir” Lo’ak nods.

“And get that crap off your face” Jake demands before leaving.

“Ow. Ow!” You wince as Mo’at works on your back. Spreading the mixed herbs over your wounds.

“Aww, want a kiss on the boo-boo?” Spider teases.

“Shut up” you playfully place your fingers into a bowl with mixed herbs and flick your fingers at him.

“Hey!” Spider laughs.

“Enough!” Mo’at scolds you. A few feet away from you, Kiri is doing another batch of mixed herbs, tasting it with a hum of approval.

Since the arrival of the sky people, your grandmother been teaching Kiri as well but you’re still to be the next Tsáhik and wed to Tarsem. Your grandmother says it’s for the best, but you think bullshit. You know your grandmother is against your father’s mistreatment of you, she assumed if she lays off responsibilities, it’ll give you a break. It somewhat did.

“Give her this” Kiri instructed as she hands the cup to Tuk.

“Okay”

“I would use yalna bark” Kiri mentions to you and your grandmother.

“Here drink” Tuk instructs you. You nodded softly, gratefully smiling at her before taking a sip.

“Ugh” you stick your tongue out, gelling revolted by the taste. Spider laughs at your reaction.

“Oh, you would? And who is Tsahik?” Mo’at says.

“You are, grand… move!” Kiri begins to speak before pushing Lo’ak and Neteyam out of her way. “You are, grandmother. But yalna bark is better.” Kiri argues softly.

“Ow, ow! Ow.” You wince, feeling your grandmother spread more on your back.

“She’s right, grandmother. It stings less” you mention with a wince. Kiri sighs, she hates seeing you in pain, hates seeing you always coming home with a new wound.

“My sister is a mighty warrior!” Neteyam snickers, making fun of your pain.

“Screw you” you curse at Neteyam.

“No cursing” your grandmother chastises before lightly hits your head.

“Ow”

Neytiri looks into the tent, with a disdain look on her face. This is one of many times you’ve been in the healing tent, and she hated every single one. She felt lost, she hated seeing you in so much pain, and the worst part is… you won’t even come to her for comfort like you used to. Since that argument about Spider, she had lost you. And she no one else to blame but herself, for letting her distaste of Spider her the best of her.

Neytiri glance over her shoulder, seeing Jake solely focusing on his guns, it angers Neytiri. You got hurt. Yes, you were okay, but you and your siblings are in the tent. He hardly gave glances at the tent from where he’s sitting.

“What?” Jake sighs, feeling Neytiri’s glare.

“Neteyam and Lo’ak try to live up to you. Y/n despises you” Neytiri starts. She finally turns to look at Jake. “It is very hard on them”

“I know” Jake doesn’t bother making eye contact with Neytiri.

“No. I don’t think you do…” Neytiri moves closer and knelt down close to him. “You are very hard on them. On Y/n”

“I’m their father. It’s my job.” Jake says, finally turning to look at Neytiri with a hard stare.

“This is not a squad. It is a family” Neytiri says softly/sternly. “We almost lost our daughter today”

Jake sighs, he looks away before making eye contact with Neytiri. He finally places the gun down. It’s been hard on for the last of couple years, more since the sky people arrived. He almost lost you, and he didn’t know how he would’ve felt losing you. It’s one thing acting like strangers but another when he almost lost you.

“I thought I lost them. I thought I lost Y/n” Jake whispers. His eyes big, watery and filled with so much pain. Neytiri sighs softly before reaching out for Jake’s hand

“Hey” Spider softly calls you.

You’re in your own Kelku once your grandmother finished on your wounds. You were carving an arrow when you heard Spider’s light footsteps enter.

“Hey” you smile as you place your arrow and hunting knife besides you.

“What’s up?”

“I wanted to check on you” you notice how Spider fidgets with his hands. You have a feelings on what’s really bothering him. You sigh as you stood up.

“Spider… I’m fine” you tell him softly, you place your hand on his dreads.

“But you could’ve…” Spider couldn’t finish his sentence, he couldn’t bare the thought of losing you.

“Look at me” you kneel down, you grab the bottoms of his mask and gently pick his head up. Spider’s eyes were red and watery.

“Oh Spider” you pull him into your chest, hugging him. Spider instantly wraps his arms around your midsection, hugging tightly. Spider couldn’t hold back his sobs. You gently shush him.

“I promised I would be back. Didn’t I?” You try to lighten the mood, you try to pull away to look at him but Spider resists, not wanting to let you go.

“Spider. You are my heart, my soul, my world, my best friend, and my everything” you promise softly.

“I love you, Y/n” Spider muffled voice say. You softly smile as you lean down and peck his hair.

“I love you brother”

Previous | Next

[1d1195]

Traditional X

You can read the rest of Traditional here.

We are getting to the end of what I believe is the main storyline here. Maybe one or two more parts but I already have at least three little extras lined up in my head too.

Additionally, I added in the days because it was kind of getting all over the place and I wanted to make sure the timeline wasn't too confusing--especially since we're winding down on days until the internship is over. I hope it doesn't detract from the story. Also, another reminder I don't know anything about running a business.

This part has some minor character death/trauma mentioned, sensitive topics, grief, angst, and I may or may not have cried a bit while writing, so that should put it in perspective I think. Try not to hate me at the end I don't think you're going to like it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for continuing to read.

Just wanted to hear your voice, kitten. Didn’t get to see you much today other than tea. Get some sleep, of course. I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well, love.

So now she texted him: I’m awake now if you want to hear my voice.

The phone rang almost instantly. “Hi,” she whispered.

“S’like music,” he said sleepily. She giggled. “That’s a symphony,” he murmured.

Friday

Louis and Eleanor were lying on her couch (and one another) while she lay on the rug in front of the coffee table, facing the TV. Her phone vibrated with a message from Harry.

Can we chat sometime today?

That sounds like a terrible way to break up with me. Don’t tell your other girls that.

Don’t be ridiculous, kitten. All of it.

I’ll call you when Louis and El leave.

I’ll be waiting impatiently.

“Must be Harry. She definitely doesn’t smile at Niall’s messages like that,” Louis chuckled.

She rolled her eyes and tilted her head back to her friends. They were watching a movie trying to decide where to eat or if they should order in. It was a regular, run of the mill day. They worked their Friday shifts and now they were lying about her pretty apartment that she hardly felt she’d been spending any time in. Mondays of course were still dinner out with Harry, Thursdays were movie nights at his place (and with any luck something a bit cheekier, now), and she spent many Saturday nights at his place sleeping beside him until one in the morning where they spoke quietly, candidly about anything. In the morning, she woke up to a rotation of pancakes, waffles, or French toast.

And kisses.

She woke up to a ton of kisses.

So, this Friday evening, she spent with Louis and Eleanor watching a movie that was so trashy it was wonderful. “How’s the job search?” Louis asked.

She frowned. The one sore spot that seemed to get sorer each passing day. “I really thought interning at Styles Incorporated was going to give me a leg up,” she sighed. “I don’t know... I’ve applied to some top places and they’ve either passed or ghosted me. Maybe I need to lower my standards.”

“Absolutely not,” Eleanor said immediately. “You deserve the top. You deserve it all,” she said.

Smiling, she looked at Eleanor, snuggled under Louis who was draped across her lap, and he winked at her. “You deserve the very best, babe,” he told her.

She shrugged and let out a sad sigh. “I don’t think these places think I do though,” she mumbled. “But it’s fine...I... I don’t know... I’ll figure it out. I’m not going to let it stop me now. Another month and I’ll be done.”

There was a pause. “Speaking of,” Louis began. “I’m told your program does in fact, have a graduation ceremony.”

She blinked surprised by the idea as if she didn’t already know. “What?”

“Harry told me that of course your college has one and you—”

She only vaguely heard the end of Louis’ sentence. She was feeling...anger? Anger at Harry? It didn’t seem like that was a reasonable conclusion. She had never been mad at him in the eight months she had known him. But her chest started to ache, and her blood felt hot, and she didn’t want to be mad at Harry, but she was sad he betrayed her trust in what she told him at one in the morning. Even if it was a silly little thing like making sure she had people at her graduation ceremony. She shook her head. “I’m not walking,” she interrupted. “I don’t want to.”

“Love, you worked so hard!” Eleanor gasped. “Please! It would mean so much to us to see you do it. We want you to have that.”

While the kindness and the meaningfulness of their words was not lost on her, she was serious in what she told Harry. But maybe she left out the part that she didn’t want to walk across the stage because it would remind her of the last graduation ceremony she attended. The last time she remembered a big happy family memory. “When did Harry tell you?” She asked quietly.

“He didn’t know for sure when it was...He was probing around, I think, because he might be trying to get you something,” Eleanor said so excitedly she was practically clapping. “Oh, I bet it’s going to be amazing whatever he gets you.”

“We weren’t that surprised, but we told him that you weren’t walking because there wasn’t a ceremony...and he told us there most assuredly was—which did surprise us. Most interns went in the past, so what’s the scoop on that, love?” Louis smirked, throwing a piece of popcorn at her. It caught in her hair. “Lying to your best friends?”

She didn’t feel like rehashing all the sad details and explaining why she didn’t want to go. “I just didn’t want it to be a big deal,” she shrugged as casually as she possibly could. She should have just told them, but she didn’t want it to be a thing.

However, Louis sensed there was more to her hiding it, immediately. It was why he was her best friend. But he didn’t press. Maybe he would later when he could get her alone. Every once in a while, he managed to pick up on something in her voice that said something of her past was coming through. “Hmm,” he hummed. “Well, that’s fine. We’d still like to go. A couple pictures and that’s it. Then dinner. Nothing else. I won’t even get you a card to commemorate the day.”

“Oh, I’m getting you a card,” Eleanor nodded fiercely. “Gonna write you the mushiest proud letter there is to write,” she smiled wrinkling her nose at her.

So, how could she say no to them? They loved her so wholly it really was unfair to exclude them after their endless support. Sighing, she shook her head. “It’s Saturday, the 14th,” she rolled her eyes. Both pulled out their phones and tapped rapidly putting it in their calendars.

“Good,” Louis smiled. “Now let’s go get dinner,” he said kissing Eleanor on his way off her lap and helping her up as he nearly ran for the door all in one movement. Eleanor rolled his eyes.

“You picked him,” she reminded El. “In high school too,” she shook her head and wrinkled her nose in distaste.

“I know, aren’t I lucky?” El said with a mocking dreamy tone in her voice but she meant it. It was obvious on her face, and she loved that about Eleanor most of all. Letting Louis be himself, unapologetically. Louis was the very best and she was glad someone else saw it too. Eleanor squeezed her arm and followed him. She took a second to take in the moment. She couldn’t help but smile so completely happy with her life for the first time in a very long while.

*

She woke up at some point in the night by herself on the comfiest mattress she ever owned all thanks to Harry. She peered through two of the slats on the blinds of her window to get a better estimate of the time without having to look at her phone in hopes of falling back asleep in a few moments. It was still pitch-black out, save for the moon illuminating the sky.

After tossing and turning for nearly five minutes without drifting off quickly, she decided she may as well make good use of her time. She grabbed for her phone. As expected, the clock told her that if they were sharing a bed, it was time to have her nightly chat with Harry.

When she came back from dinner and before she fell asleep this evening, she told Harry she was a bit tired. She would call, of course. But she might drift off while talking.

Just wanted to hear your voice, kitten. Didn’t get to see you much today other than tea. Get some sleep, of course. I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well, love.

So now she texted him. I’m awake now if you want to hear my voice.

The phone rang almost instantly. “Hi,” she whispered.

“S’like music,” he said sleepily. She giggled. “That’s a symphony,” he murmured.

Her heart was bursting. “Yeah?”

“M-hmm.”

“Did I wake you?”

“Yes,” he said simply. She frowned. But it was like he knew she was frowning, because he continued, putting her mind at ease. “I would probably wake up from a coma t’hear your voice.”

She was so close to saying she loved him out loud. How could she not? But how would she be any different than any intern or companion before her? She was determined to wait until it was over. Until he stopped paying her and then she could at least tell him. So he knew and he could...decide if she was worth it. “Did you have a good day?” She whispered instead.

He yawned and she heard the rustling of his sheets. Sitting up against his fluffy pillows, she assumed. “S’alright,” it sounded as if he were shrugging it off. “I was in a crummy mood all morning.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she wished she went into his office earlier to see how she could have helped.

“Not something y’could have helped with, beautiful,” he had a smirk in his voice. It left her breathless that he could tell how she was feeling without seeing her. “Before y’worry.”

“Me? Worry?”

He chuckled that beautiful breathy laugh of his. She imagined his dimples, his glittering eyes. “Mmm...”

It was quiet for a moment and since he wanted to hear her talk, she thought she may as well get it out of the way. “So...” she sighed. “Louis and Eleanor found out about my graduation ceremony actually happening somehow...and they’re making me go.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, which told her he already knew that they had found out because of him. “I think y’should go, love.”

“I know. I’m going to.”

He sighed with relief. “That’s good.”

“If...” she swallowed awkwardly hating how she was even asking in the first place. “If you wanted to come...I think I get a ton of tickets...it is a Saturday so you wouldn’t miss wor—”

“Kitten, of course m’going t’be there,” he promised. “I’d sell m’company t’be there for you.”

She scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’d sell it t’Niall, maybe. But I’d still sell it.”

She giggled. “Do you think Niall would want to come, too?”

“Yes, absolutely. We wouldn’t miss it.”

She clutched the phone tighter to her ear enjoying the sound of Harry at the other end. The irritation she felt was only a nagging little bite on the inside of her head that she pushed away. Because really, this whole month had to be the most, and totally, happiest she had been in years.

*

Saturday/Sunday

“I blame myself for my brother’s death,” she said it softly. She didn’t even ask if he was awake. Either she somehow knew, or she wasn’t looking for him to answer. Harry frowned, trailing his fingers up and down her arm. It was a sudden comment, but it was the middle of the night. It was what they did.

“I don’t think that’s possible, kitten.”

“I went to some stupid school party. I didn’t want to get in the car with the person offering a ride home. So, he came to pick me up, no questions asked. Not a care in the world that it was almost two in the morning,” she shrugged against him. “A car hit us,” she said simply. It was silent for a minute. Harry hardly moved. “He must have seen it coming before I did... because he turned...so his side of the car took the brunt of the hit.” He squeezed her. “I tried to pull him out. Begged him to breathe,” she shook her head. “It was awful,” her voice cracked. Harry couldn’t imagine what she had seen. Couldn’t imagine what it took for her to get in the car. No wonder she walked everywhere.

“Y’don’t have t’tell me, love,” he told her, and he meant it. That was plenty. He could fill in the gaps if it meant she didn’t have to relive it again. He was sure she relived it every day.

“It’s why my parents hate me.”

Harry sucked his lip into his mouth. “They shouldn’t,” he fully believed that. He may not have judged them for the way they grieved but they lost one child in that accident. It easily could have been two and yet somehow, they chose to lose them both even though she was right there, alive and in need of love more than ever.

Harry wouldn’t say it to her now, but he would think part of his heart would feel like it was missing if she had been lost all those years ago. Whether he knew her or not.

“Sometimes I think they’re right to,” she sniffled. “I’d hate me, too. He was the best,” she whispered shakily.

“Kitten.”

He loved the dark and their little chats every day since they started. Today, he hated it. It was too revealing. This was hurting her. And he hated that most. “I should have died.”

“Thank God, you didn’t.”

“It’s not fair,” she whispered. How many times had she said it to herself, her therapist, to Louis of all people? The only person who consoled her and not her parents...the only person who needed to be consoled as much as her was Louis. As he was breaking down, he was trying to keep her together. It wasn’t fair at all.

“No,” Harry shook his head. “It’s not.”

“I miss him.”

“I know.”

More silence. “I told you the dark is revealing.”

He smirked sadly. He wished he could tell her something just as revealing. But telling her he loved her so wholly when they weren’t in a relationship, not an actual one, after she was grieving for a moment in time, didn’t seem right. Harry wanted to tell her it was easy. Easy to love her. It was effortless having her in his life. He wanted to reveal something of equal weight. If only so she wouldn’t be sad. “I like getting t’know you,” he said instead.

“Even though I’m the reason someone died?”

He shook his head and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “Someone else made a dumb decision, love. Of course, your brother would come t’help you. I’d do the same for Gem,” he promised. “S’in the brother handbook.”

“Louis said the same thing...he has a bunch of younger sisters...and me.”

“Louis would still do it for you, too; I’m sure.” They were silent again. He thought she fell asleep. Sometimes she would do that. So, he asked the question that had been burning in his mind forever. “I don’t want t’pry...What happened with your parents...after that?”

She shook her head. “Maybe another middle of the night talk. Not this one,” she mumbled.

He nodded. “Yeah, of course, love.”

“Thank you for...everything Harry. Really,” she yawned and nuzzled closer to his chest.

“Course, love,” he repeated and let her fall asleep beside him peacefully.

*

Wednesday

There was yelling from the other side of the door as she knocked, then immediately entered his office with tea. Right as she opened the door, he slammed the phone down to his desk. Then picked it back up and slammed it three more times into the receiver. She blinked and cringed with each hit. He slid a hand over his face and turned to face the window. Part of her thought he didn’t register she was in the room.

“Harry,” she said softly.

He shook his head. “Love, please jus’ leave the tea and go,” he grumbled. “M’gonna snap and I don’t want it t’be at you,” he sounded infuriated. Interns never seemed to work out because of his anger... She knew Niall worked hard to keep her away from Harry’s outbursts. Mostly because Niall knew Harry would never forgive himself if he ever broke her heart or scared her because of his job. But she still knew the stories. The whispers in the breakroom and by the copier about his anger weren’t something she could ignore. Sometimes Harry’s angry tone filled the whole floor. She bit her lip at his warning and nodded silently.

After she set the tea on his desk, she sat on the couch across the room. She sipped at her drink watching him tap on his phone screen searching for something. He turned back around after a moment looking at his computer and then she saw his eyes flicker over to her. “I know I told you t’leave,” his voice was icy. But she saw his gaze soften just a hair.

She didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to set him off or make him any angrier than he already was. She was content to sit there...just wanted to wait there in case he needed her because that’s what she did. Even if he was going to pretend that she wasn’t there.

His phone was ringing from the other end while he called someone. “I need the file we looked at this morning...” A pause and she watched him clench his fist and he squeezed his eyes shut angrily. “Well, I don’t have it!” he snapped slamming his fist on the desk. “If I had it, I wouldn’t have called! Can’t you just do what I fucking ask and bring—"

She hurried to his computer after he slammed his fist down. Not caring even a little, when he hardly moved out of her way and continued yelling at the poor person at the other end of the line. The words he snarled into the phone didn’t reach her ears. With three clicks and a few taps it was on his screen. She stepped out of his way and sat back on the couch waiting for the next mini blowup. He put his phone down again as his eyes scanned the screen. He grumbled about something unintelligible under his breath and he tapped on his phone screen again and brought it to his ear for all of five seconds.

“Come here,” he said into his phone.

Within moments, Niall was there. He frowned seeing Harry’s anger but managed a quick wink at the sweet girl sitting quietly on the couch. She sipped her coffee while Niall went behind Harry’s desk. He looked at the screen for a few moments and she saw his face falter a bit; he rubbed his hand on the back of his head. “Well, we knew this was coming.”

Harry turned away and paced to the other end of the room. Hands on the back of his head. Niall scrolled on his screen and sighed. He glanced at her. She hadn’t taken her eyes off the pair of them since Niall stood next to Harry. “C’mere,” he said to her. She hurried back over. He pointed to several itemized lines and murmured a few things that she only had a vague understanding of due to her limited understanding of things that happened here at Styles Incorporated solely because in the grand scheme of things, she hadn’t been there that long, and she was just an intern.

She looked at the numbers, pursed her lips in concentration and did her best to calculate quickly. “Can you shrink this number?” She asked, pointing at the screen.

He glanced at Harry who looked ready to jump out the window. His head pressed to the glass taking deep, angry breaths. “No, darling.”

“How about this one?” She pointed to a different cell. He shook his head again. She looked over at Harry who was clearly distraught. Sighing, she thought for a few quiet breaths and Niall frowned as he scrolled. She thought back to all her classes, every lecture, and every assignment she had ever worked on. Unfortunately, she came to only one conclusion.

“You can have them file for bankruptcy,” she shrugged.

Niall pushed her behind him as soon as the beginning of that b-word left her mouth. Harry hated that word. At the same time, Harry spun rapidly, took three long strides, and menacingly glared through Niall in her direction. “Are you fucking serious?” He hissed but he was staring so angrily at Niall, but the expression was really meant for her. She gulped audibly. This had to have been the nightmarish things that previous interns spoke about. It made her stomach churn and she thought she might throw up. God bless Niall for standing in her way—she knew Harry wouldn’t resort to physical violence. Not even a little. She felt it in her soul. But part of her wondered if it would hurt less than his cutting, angry voice.

No wonder Niall never let her be around Harry when he was mad. This was terrifying.

“Harry—” Niall started.

She blinked in surprise at how angry he got. At her. But he did warn her. Her heart felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest. “I am not having them file,” he growled.

Her face definitely turned red, and she swallowed nervously. “It’s your only option,” she whispered standing her ground anyway. He flung the cordless keyboard across the room. It smashed into the wall and many of the keys fluttered off in a heap against the wall. She flinched at the sound as he paced back to that side of the room.

“Darling, kindly shut it,” Niall whispered over his shoulder.

Harry paced and paced. Niall was still standing in front of her protectively as Harry grumbled to himself trying to make sense of it. “Why?” He practically barked at her. “Why’s it my only option?”

She took a deep breath. “The legal fees would equate to more than the bankruptcy payback.” He stopped pacing and turned to look at her. Niall even turned around and stared at her in surprise. “What?” She felt like this was a worse thing to say than bankruptcy. Niall stepped from in front of her and used the mouse to click through different screens on the computer, it took a moment because he no longer had a keyboard. He glanced at Harry and nodded.

Harry took a deep breath. “Can y’please explain that for me, love?” His voice was still tight with anger but at least he wasn’t barking at her or throwing things.

So, she did her best to explain that she remembered this once case she studied in her quantitative decision-making class. How it was expensive but kept the company afloat to file for a chapter of bankruptcy that allowed them to pay back the debt and keep going on if they could make it a few years. “She’s right...” Niall said clicking on the computer and gesturing to the screen. “Obviously,” he muttered under her breath.

Harry looked at the screen. While they did, she did some calculations on her phone. “So, they keep their assets?” He asked, looking up at her from the screen while Niall searched something on his phone to show Harry.

She nodded. “As long as they make this much,” she said and held her phone up to the two men.

Niall smirked. “I like her,” he said knowingly.

Harry sighed, still embittered. “Can you go buy me a new keyboard, love?” He asked.

Feeling like she had finally made a difference and helped a bit, she grabbed her coffee and nodded. “Sure,” she said softly.

“Don’t spend your own money on it either,” Harry said knowingly without looking up at her. She smirked to herself and left his office before she could say any more wrong things.

*

Since it was a Wednesday, she hadn’t seen Harry outside the office for two days. After getting the new keyboard and plugging it in, Harry was swamped for the remainder of the day. Lawyers, Niall, and others kept filing in and out of his office. At five in the evening, when most everyone was leaving, they were still coming and going. Niall hadn’t seen her in hours while she sat at her desk sending him files, answering calls, and taking messages. She knocked on the door before entering, carrying five or so pizzas and an assortment of drinks. Niall was the only one who noticed.

He winked at her, mouthed thank you, and watched as she left.

It was another hour before Harry noticed he was eating pizza...with pineapple on the slice. “Who got this?” He muttered.

“That cute intern of Niall’s,” one of the lawyers said.

“That’s your intern Niall? I’d be begging for her to alleviate the stress—”

“I wouldn’t finish that sentence if I were you,” Niall said calmly. Harry was glad he had a bite of pizza in his mouth and Niall interrupted that sentence before it finished. After the day Harry had he wasn’t sure he had much self-control left to not physically attack someone—especially on behalf of her.

How did he not notice the sweet girl bringing pizza? He was certain even if the room was on fire, he would still take the time to notice her. He frowned. He had no idea she did this.

“I think this is enough for tonight, Mr. Styles,” someone said after hours of being there. Harry hadn’t looked at the time in ages. Since before lunch at least. He was only vaguely aware that it was after one at some point only because she brought his daily tea. He nodded silently, still upset about the day but also that he had no idea the perfect girl was there.

“You screamed at her, y’know,” Niall said condensing the pizza boxes. Placing the empty ones by the trashcan for the maintainers to take care of. After everyone left. Harry was helping clean up as well and packing his things.

Harry tended to get a little fuzzy on his consciousness when he was mad. “I told her to leave.”

“You’re stupid for thinking she would,” he rolled his eyes. “She’s quite brilliant,” Niall said knowingly. “When are you going to offer her a job?”

“It’s complicated,” he remarked. “I think if I create a job for her, people...will get suspicious.”

“Who cares?”

Harry worked extremely hard to get Styles Incorporated where it was so quickly. You didn’t become a thirty under thirty member without working hard. In all that time, Harry made every decision he could to the best of his ability. He always wondered if he made mistakes. He loved this company. It was his pride and joy.

The idea of losing pieces of it broke his heart. Since it happened twice within the last three months, and she managed to save both those pieces from falling to the wayside...

She seemed to know how much he loved his job, his legacy. He didn’t like her idea all that much today, even if it was good or his only option. Even when he yelled at her and snarled like she wasn’t the most special person he knew. She still voiced her opinion, and he knew that had to have been hard for her.

It hurt him to think of failing in even one little branch. But he couldn’t argue with her that it was the best option he had for this moment. “This was a brilliant idea,” one of the lawyers said as they typed furiously on their laptop. It was hours after the lovely girl left the new keyboard on his desk. Harry didn’t respond with anything but one little nod. “We should keep this in mind...would have saved you some money a few years ago,” she remarked with a gentle smile.

Niall saying “who cares” suddenly sparked something in him. Why did he care? She was brilliant. He didn’t have to convince anyone of that. It was obvious when she walked into any room, took a passing glance at whatever document they were discussing, any graph they were looking at and she casually pointed out inconsistencies and almost always managed to save him money.

“Have the other interns been like her?” He asked quietly. He had been so closed off, so worried about the reasons they were truly there... The thought of that horrible woman who made comments to the sweet girl about sleeping with him... Harry would feel terrible if he was so cynical about the entire intern process if a quarter of them were as smart as her.

Niall smiled at his best friend. The relief flooded him before Niall even spoke. “Harry, I don’t think there’s anyone like her.”

*

The knock on her door surprised her. She thought it might be Louis or Eleanor who couldn’t be bothered to walk the last five blocks back to their place after a late-night dinner. It was nearing ten and she was snuggled up on the couch with her book and music playing on the TV.

Harry was leaning against the opposite wall as she opened the door. “Oh, hi,” she said softly.

Harry stayed where he was, and he smiled at her, tiredly. “You’re so cute,” he mumbled.

She glanced down at her pajamas. A mismatching pair of shorts and a tank top. One sock on because only the left one was cold. Harry looked tired but beautiful as ever. His button-down sleeves rolled up to his elbows, tucked into his dress pants. The tie he had been wearing all day was gone, the button at his neck undone. His hair looked as if he ran his hand through it a few too many times but his tiredness seemed most evident on his face.

“Come in,” she said opening the door wider. “Do you need something to eat or drink?” She asked.

“No... had the pizza y’got us,” he murmured finding his way to the couch, he folded the corner of the page where she was reading and set the book on the coffee table. He waited for her to sit beside him and once she did, his head was in her lap. “M’sorry I screamed at you. Y’didn’t deserve that.”

“I knew you didn’t mean it,” she threaded her fingers through his hair and lightly rubbed at his scalp. “Is it all taken care of?”

“Thanks t’you,” he mumbled. She smiled softly, grateful she could ease his anger and allow him to sleep. She didn’t say anything for a bit and soon enough he was asleep in her lap. She reached for her book and read for the better part of an hour while he snored gently into her leg.

When an hour had passed, she gently pulled herself out from his head and began undressing him down to his boxers. It took effort but once he was mostly naked, she tugged him off the couch holding him up as much as she could with his tall frame to drop him into her bed. She curled up to him, grateful for the extra night with him. The first one at her place, at that.

The moon was bright even through the closed blinds, making his skin practically glow as she faced his sleeping figure. His arm beneath her pillow outstretched so she fit neatly beneath his chin if she was close enough. Their legs twisted together, his much longer than hers.

She was quiet for a bit, tracing the sparrows tattooed just below his collarbones. “They stopped talking to me,” she whispered. It wasn’t quite the standard middle of the night, but it was pressing on her mind because it was rapidly approaching the seven-year anniversary of that horrible day and it hurt so freshly, so sharply. Like it was only a week ago. She wasn’t sure Harry was even awake, but she said it anyway...maybe it was better he didn’t hear anyway. “Except for when they had too much to drink. Then they just yelled and yelled. At each other, at me...” she swallowed the pain down. “If I didn’t go out, he wouldn’t have gone to get me. We would still be a family...he was their prince,” she explained.

Her fingers drifted over his arm that rested gently with his hand at her hip. She traced the heart tattoo, the rose, and then the anchor at his wrist. “They stopped caring about me, but I couldn’t stop caring about them. I made dinner for them even if they didn’t always eat. If they did, they complained about it. I stopped eating with them. We didn’t watch movies together on Sunday evenings. We didn’t celebrate Christmas. Part of me thinks they only kept me there because they knew deep down, I was still a minor and they had to—I could ruin their lives worse by reporting them...” she bit her lip. “I don’t even think I would do that... At some point... they were the only people that ever took care of me... but then they just stopped and honestly, I don’t blame them.”

Harry didn’t make any note that he could hear but she kept going anyway. “So, I started taking care of everyone I crossed paths with...” she paused for a moment just to see if anything registered on Harry’s mind. It didn’t seem like it. But it made it easier for her to tell the story.

“When I turned 18, I invited Louis over to help me. I didn’t say with what. But the second he saw my parents...the ones that didn’t love me anymore... Louis moved me into his place... I felt so horrible, but I actually asked him to stay there just until... until I left for university at the end of the summer. He looked... betrayed. Like I let him down... He gave me the lecture of the century and Eleanor just braided my hair while he did. They made my favorite food. Neither of them said Happy Birthday once and I didn’t even care because for even just one day someone was taking care of me again,” she had done well up to this point not crying.

She sniffled and shook her head. She reached up and outlined Harry’s eyebrows, the shape of his nose. The curve of his lips and the jawline that ached her to the core. “Louis doesn’t talk about it, but I know he saw more than I ever wanted him to. I know he resents the way I hid. I think part of him wished I still lived with him. He insisted I stay the summers I came home from university,” she told the sleeping figure.

“But I got a boyfriend part way through university. We moved in quickly. Of course, I took care of him... and I didn’t mind. I liked it. He liked it. He was easy... food, sex, cleaning...” she mumbled. “But I still went to visit my parents because I couldn’t help it. I’ve never told Louis that. I didn’t tell my therapist that either...I’m sure she would be mad. And you know, I still go twice a month without telling anyone. Well, except you now... I don’t know why... I don’t know... I couldn’t leave them...they...they have to be in there still, right? The people that threw me princess birthday parties and put Band-Aids on my knees after a fall on my bike? Even after...after all of it...they’re my parents somewhere in there. Every time I go it’s just...yelling and hating me. I clean, make sure there’s food in the fridge, and then I leave,” Harry didn’t answer her. “I was supposed to stay the night at a hotel because I was supposed to move some of the last of my things...but it was a bad day. I just wanted to go home... I guess I got the sex part right with him,” she said with a smirk but without humor in her voice. “Just...not with me. Guess I didn’t do a good job there either,” she sighed sadly. “So... There it is. They just...acted as if I died too.”

Harry didn’t move a muscle. She smiled softly and kissed his cheek. “I think that’s everything,” she whispered. “I think you know everything now,” she told him. “Good night, baby,” she whispered tucking herself against his chest.

There was no movement for at least a full minute and then his arms came around her so tightly, he squeezed her like he was trying to press all the broken pieces back together. “You’re so lovely,” he murmured. “Don’t forget that,” he pressed his lips to her temple and she closed her eyes tight trying to keep the tears from spilling over like a waterfall. “S’great t’know you,” he squeezed her again. “S’an honor t’know y’care ‘bout me,” he mumbled to her.

She nodded her head in recognition that she had heard him but if she spoke, she would either cry or, worse, tell him she loved him. So, she sighed deeply against his chest and slowly fell asleep while he pressed another kiss to her forehead. Like he was trying to heal her from the outside in just by kissing the front of her tired, sad brain.

Part of her thought that with Harry it might work.

*

Next Wednesday

Harry was going to lose his mind. When he started the day, he was so excited that he finally had good news for the sweet girl and was excited about their future. He couldn’t wait to surprise her during their movie night the following day, at home snuggled on the comfy couch.

Instead, he was totally blindsided by the fourth of the same type of phone call of that same day.

The call started out the same as all the other ones he’d been getting. They introduced themselves. “Aye, Harry. Zayn. How are you?”

Harry blinked in surprise at the voice at the other end. Zayn was CEO of his own company, located a few towns over called Malik Industries. Rarely did they interact with one another because their clientele was very different. But every so often at big black-tie shin digs and philanthropic events they’d run into one another. In this business, it was all about networking. He was hoping he wouldn’t get this call only because Zayn was closest to his age... which was closer to her age... “Right, good. Yourself?”

“Great. Listen, I’ll make this quick, I know you’re a busy guy. I have an application in front of me and it lists you and Niall as references, and I’m used to seeing Niall’s name... but I had to ask you. You never give your name as a reference.” His heart stopped because he could only guess who the application belonged to.

She applied here too?

“Harry?” He asked. “Did I lose you?”

“Uh...” he shook his head trying to regain his composure. He was absolutely confused. She didn’t say anything about applying to any of these places and this was the fourth phone call he had to sit through with an aching heart. “No, sorry. Untimely email,” he muttered quickly. He wasn’t even facing his computer.

“Right, I understand. I’ll keep it short... you think she would be good here?”

His breath caught in his throat. She would be good anywhere. But the idea of not seeing her smiling face each afternoon carrying tea in her hands to his office (not that she would continue to have to do that if she worked here full time) was the last thing Harry wanted. “Uh...yeah, she...she would be great.”

There was a pause and a short chuckle. “I know you don’t usually do these reference calls, but there’s usually a bit more than that.”

Harry swallowed the lump in his throat trying to get the words to spill out. How could he tell her she was perfect? How could he just give her away? He wanted her there all the time in every facet of his life. She made everything better. “I know, I know,” Harry shook his head again in an attempt to get his verbal processing to work again. “She’s perfect. She can do anything. Fit in anywhere. If she doesn’t know how t’do something, she’ll figure it out. Brilliant. Truly. It’s cutthroat out there and she still manages t’be an angel. Doesn’t even bat an eye in the face of adversity. She’ll keep morale up by decorating for holidays and she makes the best chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever had.”

“See that’s what—”

“You can’t have her,” Harry interrupted flatly.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought she applied because there—”

“Yes. No. I’m sorry,” he shook his head. “She did apply. She would be perfect. You can’t question that. Seriously. Y’would probably hand her the keys t’your office if she joined y’in any capacity. I want t’do that somedays...but I want t’keep her here.”

“I see,” Zayn sounded agreeable. “She sounds quite special. Her recommendations, her transcript, everything is incredible. She seems like a wonderful asset Harry. Are you sure you have room for her?”

He prickled at the notion that he wouldn’t make room for her. “Yes,” he said definitively.

“Alright. Well, good for you. I hope she’s happy there. I’ll take her application any time in the future if you see a reason she needs to go elsewhere.”

Harry didn’t see it happening ever. “Sorry t’disappoint.”

“Not a problem at all. You know a good one when you see them, I get it. Have a good one,” the call ended abruptly. As if on cue, she knocked and opened his door at quarter past the hour. Clockwork. She closed the door quickly.

“Hi baby,” she winked as she whispered the pet name at him. “Brought your tea. And I got us some cake pops. I think they’re yummy. Maybe we could try to make them from scratch this weekend.”

There is no way she could just go. His heart fluttered at her words, and he smiled. He felt the ache in his chest melting away as it always did when she was around while he was upset. “Whatever you want, kitten.”

Harry didn’t tell her about the good news during movie night. He was too upset about all the phone calls.

He didn’t tell her while they were making cake Pops on that Saturday either.

*

When she chose to just exist that weekend a couple months ago, and not remember anything that happened over her horrible couple of days and not think about her parents, she did catch up with Louis and Eleanor that following Tuesday. Harry watched from her kitchen as the pair of them cooed over her and she let some tears fall.

“Your mum’s not having a memorial,” Eleanor told her. So that was that. It was over.

“Oh,” she said like it was a surprise.

Louis glanced at Eleanor and pursed his lips. She combed her hair back and gave her another hug while Louis pressed his hand to her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Louis glanced at Harry and shrugged. Harry thought that meant her mum wasn’t having a memorial that she could attend. It hardened Harry’s heart while he set some mugs of tea on her counter out for the three of them.

The lawyers managed to get some information about her inheritance. The house was already in a trust under her name. “Harry, we’re grasping a bit at straws here. We don’t practice family law,” he reminded him during their next movie night.

“I know, I know. M’sorry,” he said rubbing the back of his neck while he watched from the kitchen as the girl swayed quietly on the porch swing. At the end of February, she was still insistent on sitting in the freezing cold. “I jus’ want t’make sure she’s taken care of.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think this woman cares,” he said bluntly.

Harry frowned and ended the phone call before heading to the swing with mugs of hot chocolate. She lifted the blanket, a beanie hat almost falling into her eyes as he slid in beside her. She rested her head on his shoulder and for the moment Harry just let her live knowing that as long as she stayed here, she was cared for.

Which is why he was so happy when the lawyers finally informed him that she would have the house... eventually. The life insurance policy was never changed out of her name, and it wasn’t like they could change it now. All of it was something that could ease the ache of the worry she had.

Harry attended the memorial service, too, a week or so after that. He told her and Niall he was attending to business out of town. Niall looked at him suspiciously and he felt bad lying to the sweet girl but he...he wanted to...well he didn’t even know what he wanted. He just wanted to know what her parents were like.  There were many people there. He was surprised that they still had friends after cutting off their sweet daughter. But Harry was trying his best not to judge their mourning.

He saw Louis and Eleanor there gently consoling her mother without it truly reaching their eyes. Louis saw Harry at the edge of the mourners at the cemetery, he gave him a succinct nod and then tilted his head discreetly to the right.

When everyone left, he headed to where Louis gestured, totally alone.

He read the dates on the stone, did the math, and he sighed. “I’ll do anything for her,” he knelt and pulled some weeds away from the flowers laid there. Quietly to her brother’s grave, he whispered “I promise.”

*

Monday

Now seemed like it was too late to tell her anything about the good news. She had seemed off all evening. Maybe it was the stress of graduation and her internship. The office had been so busy lately they hardly had a moment to have tea in the afternoon.

It was his own fault, however. When all said and done.

Now, he was walking her home from dinner. Well, actually, he was nearly running after her. She refused to get in the car. Despite how late it was. So, Harry followed her on foot. She was fast, even in the little heels she wore. The driver was close behind on their trail as well.

“I didn’t ask for you to do that!” She snapped at him. She never snapped at him. Not once. And there were plenty of times she could have over the last eight and a half months. But he thought he was being helpful. Figuring out the stuff with her mum, finding a way to finally split Niall’s position. All of it.

He thought things were going so well and even with the end of her internship coming up at the end of the next month, he was so hopeful for their future in so many ways. He didn’t really know what went wrong. He kept the conversation light trying to figure out her slightly soured mood. It didn’t seem completely fair, but he was heartbroken that he made her upset.

But it was the email that was the final straw. She received it in the middle of dinner. Mr. Malik stated there must have been miscommunication as she would be staying with Styles Incorporated. He would love to have her, feel free to apply in the future if so needed, but of course, she should stay where she’s comfortable.

Harry was in mid-conversation with the waiter, ordering dessert. Something she was reallylooking forward to when she read through the email. But the second she finished it she was angry and didn’t want dessert. She called Niall quickly, while Harry was still chatting, holding one finger up as she put her phone to her ear.

He winked at her, continuing his conversation and didn’t mind at all whether she was using her phone nor questioning it. He’d done so many times before and she was always so kind and patient about it. If he did question it, so shortly after the email, maybe he would have seen it coming. But he didn’t...he didn’t see it coming at all. “Did you...talk to Mr. Malik?” She asked him when Niall answered.

“No, darling, I haven’t heard from him or...or anyone yet about your applic—”

“Never mind,” she hung up. The second she uttered the name of another company Harry’s voice died in the conversation he was having, and he directed his attention to her.

“Did you?” She asked, point blank.

“Yes,” he said. “I told him you would be a perfect fit.”

She blinked. “Then why does he think I’m staying at Styles Incorporated?”

Harry frowned. “Don’t you want to?”

She wasn’t going to lie. “I mean...yes...but don’t you think you should have told me you were going to hire me before—”

“I just figured—"

“Harry...I’ve been rejected or ghosted from everywhere I applied to. I’ve been crying to Niall so stressed and anxious that I’m not good enough and—have you been telling everyone in the area?”

“You’ve been crying about—?”

“Harry,” she snapped.

He was surprised by her tone. “Of course...I want t’keep you,” he whispered.

“Well, what if I can’t,” her voice cracked, her hand fiddling with her silverware on the plate.

“What are y’talking about? Of course, y’can,” he said quickly reaching across the table for her hand but she pulled it back. “Kitten.”

“I don’t want dessert,” she said and stood up and marched out of the restaurant. He hurried to throw money on the table and follow after her.

When they made it to her apartment building, she was huffing. She was angry the entire way there not listening to Harry call after her, not stopping even though he begged. Harry felt like he was losing her with every step. When they reached her door, he tried again to console her as best he could. “Love, I just wanted to hel—”

“I know you feel entitled to everything I am and do because of what we are, but I didn’t ask you to do any of that! Stay out of my business.”

“Kitten,” Harry felt crushed, like she stole all the air out of her lungs.

“I know you told Louis and Eleanor about my graduation ceremony, and I let it slide... because part of me is hoping they forget that it’s in two weeks because right now, I don’t want to go. It hurts to think about my brother’s ceremony—the last time we were a family. And I know you had your lawyers talking to my mom because she called me today all up and arms about how I’m selfish to even take what she’s giving me and of course I hadn’t a clue what she was talking about. I thought it was a prank,” Harry was silent as he listened. “I know you have your driver follow me around whenever I’m out walking. Not even at night,” still quiet. But he dropped his gaze to the floor for a moment before looking back up at her. It did sound controlling when she was so angry. “On top of all that, I hadn’t gotten any notice about my student loans so I called my servicer to inquire. And guess what?”

Harry’s lips pressed together. He didn’t say a word. Because of course he already knew why she didn’t get any info about her loans. “Now this? Harry, I’ve worked my butt off to do this on my own and you just...told every company within a twenty-mile radius that I’m staying, and I didn’t even get to know that I could do it on my own? That all my hard work and all those hard things I had to face on my own just meant nothing? I thought I failed so miserably.” She was crying so hard, and she wished she wasn’t but every time she felt anger coursing through her it was an unfortunate consequence. Harry just wanted to console her and make it stop. He felt so terrible.

Every day she showed up to work and made everyone’s life so much easier. She baked brownies for the breakroom, made copies for anyone that asked because she was the only one who could stop it from jamming, and of course she went out every day, snow, sleet, hail, or rain to get himself and Niall their Starbucks order. She took care of him when he was sick and saved such a large chunk of his company, he could never repay her. All he wanted to do was help her the way she helped everyone else.

“Love,” he whispered reaching for her. She stepped out of his way.

“Just go,” she snapped as she slammed the door shut in his face. His heart felt broken, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. Because as always, she was right. He just...did everything for her because he could. Really because he wanted to, but he should have at least asked.

He could hear the sniffles and her tears through the door. He waited a minute listening to her gasping breath hoping something in his head would click. Something would appear in his mind that he could say to her. But in times like this, it was usually her that knew what to do. So of course, he couldn’t ask her. As he turned to leave, he heard her croaked voice whispering Louis’ name into the phone.

--

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[bradshawsbaby]

Could you do a Drabble where Mrs. Bradshaw gets tired and frustrated about picking up Bradley's boots/shoes?? She could be pregnant if you want. I feel like he would leave them all over the place all the time😂 also love your writing!!

(Thank you so much! 🥰 Hope you like this!)

Your husband was the absolute best of men, there was no doubt about it. But even the best of men had their occasional flaws.

In all the time you’d known him, you’d come to learn that one of Bradley Bradshaw’s biggest flaws was his absolute inability to leave his shoes anywhere other than the middle of the floor. No matter how many times you picked them up and moved them, or gently reminded him about the shoe rack near the front door, or kindly asked him to be mindful of where he left them, you would inevitably find yourself tripping over them in the dark or spotting them in the middle of the floor while running errands.

“I’m sorry, honey,” he would always say when he caught you huffing in irritation and moving them out of the way once more. You knew he meant it, too. He wasn’t trying to upset you or purposely make a mess. It was just a bad habit. “My mom used to yell at me about it all the time,” he confessed, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

You always knew you and Carole would have gotten along.

It was such a small thing that you tried not to let it bother you, especially since Bradley was always so genuinely contrite, but sometimes it really did drive you insane.

“He’s one of the smartest guys I know,” you’d complained to Penny one night after a few too many glasses of wine. “How hard is it to remember to not leave your shoes in the middle of the floor?”

Penny had just laughed, shaking her head. “Sweetheart, I spent many years asking very similar questions about Pete. And after all this time, I can tell you the honest truth that the guy you love is always going to drive you just a little bit crazy.”

You’d smiled ruefully at that. “I know it’s such a silly thing to complain about. He really is the best.”

And for the most part, on most days, you really were able to overlook this one tiny little flaw in your beloved husband. But over the past few weeks, as your first pregnancy was progressing and throwing all your hormones out of whack, you found yourself growing increasingly frustrated every time you stumbled upon Bradley’s work boots or sneakers lying in the middle of the floor.

Today, after dealing with a tough bout of morning sickness earlier in the day and just general fatigue, you finally reached your breaking point.

“Bradley!” you cried out hotly, frowning in annoyance as you bent for what felt like the millionth time to pick up his boots. He’d gotten home from work a half hour earlier, and had apparently left his shoes where he’d taken them off.

“Yeah, honey?” Bradley responded, rubbing out his wet hair with a towel as he walked to the front of the apartment, clad in shorts and an old T-shirt after his shower.

“How many times do I have to ask you not to do this?” you demanded, holding up his boots and frowning even more deeply.

Bradley winced, lowering the towel and looking you in the eye. “I’m sorry, baby. I know I always—”

“Yes! You always do this! And I know you’re sorry, but clearly not sorry enough,” you exclaimed in exasperation. “You still leave your shoes lying all over the place for me to pick up or trip over.” You could feel yourself growing irrationally upset, tears pricking the backs of your eyes, but you couldn’t stop yourself. “It’s like you don’t even care that I’ve asked you a million times not to do this!” you finished, suddenly bursting into tears.

Bradley’s eyes widened immediately and he rushed to be by your side. “Oh, honey, don’t cry. Please don’t cry,” he begged, thumbing away your tears. “I know I’m an idiot. It’s the simplest thing in the world that you asked me to do, and I can never do it. I’m sorry,” he murmured, kissing away the hot tears clinging to your cheeks.

“It’s just—I just—”

“I know,” Bradley nodded, rubbing your back. “You do so much for me all day long, and then on top of it you have to clean up after me like I’m a kid,” he said, raking a hand through his damp hair. “My mom would really kill me if she was here. Or give you permission to kill me,” he added, hoping to make you smile, at least a little bit.

You sniffled softly, nodding your head.

“Honey, please don’t think it’s because I don’t care about what you have to say. I’m so sorry if I ever made you feel that way,” Bradley went on sadly. “It’s just because your husband is a total idiot and nothing more. If you ever tripped over my stupid shoes and hurt yourself—especially now with the baby—I’d never forgive myself. You have my word that I won’t leave my shoes laying around ever again. I promise,” he assured you, brushing his thumb across your cheek.

You nodded again, swallowing deeply. “I’m sorry I yelled over such a silly thing. It’s just been frustrating me lately,” you admitted, running a hand through your hair.

“You have every right to be frustrated, baby. I promise I’m going to do better with this, okay?” he asked, stroking your hair tenderly.

You nodded in response, resting your head against his chest.

“I’ll take these,” Bradley murmured, taking his boots out of your hands and walking them over to the shoe rack.

“Hmm, doing better already, Lieutenant Bradshaw,” you teased lightly, a smile curving your lips.

Bradley was true to his word, as you knew he would be. Once he made a promise, he didn’t go back on it. He was intentional now about making sure he put his shoes where they were supposed to be, namely not in the middle of the floor.

“Well, honey,” you joked with him one night as you saw him lining up his shoes by the door. “I think you may just be perfect now. No more flaws.”

Laughing, Bradley took you into his arms and kissed you lovingly. “If I had known I was going to get that reaction, I would have started picking up my shoes a long time ago!”

[mmcgemino]

How I almost went on stage with Gene Simmons (and also a heavy vent)

Today was the first day of Summer Breeze here in Brasil and Gene’s on the headline. I traveled 8 hours just to see him and Sebastian Bach play. I was so excited to see them and my mind was set on giving Gene a poster and a letter. I really wanted to give him a piece of my work and say how much KISS changed my life.

There was going to be a signing session at 3pm and when arrived there at 11am there was already a line. No problem for me, honestly, I could wait. But then somebody from the staff told us that the time changed for 7pm. I didn’t want the whole day of festival + Sebastian’s show, so I gave up on that.

Sebastian Bach’s show was amazing (I even got an autograph!). It was kinda short but I still had a lot of fun. Next would be Mr. Big (that I didn’t bother to watch) and then, finally, Gene’s band.

God, I was right in front of him. LITERALLY. This was my view the whole show:

I was SO close from the stage, already at the barrier (is that the right name in english?) It was actually funny, because the first thing he did when he finished the first song was to point at me and say with eyes wide opened: sua bunda é linda! That’s a silly thing he says every time he’s in Brasil. (There’s a video of him saying it on a tv show just for reference). I also had some silly interactions with him, like me motion grabbing his tits and him looking shocked. Honestly, if the show ended like that it would be just fine. I’ve never been this close to someone who’s so important to me, much less recognizing my presence and being silly with me. Hell, I didn’t even care about my letter anymore. It was a kick ass show.

But in the last song (that was obviously Rock n Roll All Night), he started calling a lot of girls on stage. There were some in front of me, between the tiny gap separating the stage from the fans. I guess they were sponsors, photographers or idk, more than VIP. But then he pointed at me and called me!!! What ??!????? It sounds just like a fanfic, unbelievable. And I swear on all my family that I ain’t lying. I crossed that barrier with the help of other people and ran backstage.

To have Gene pointing at YOU and calling YOU to be on stage with him is once in a lifetime. To be ON STAGE, my literal dream and goal in life. What I’ve been working for the past couple of years. To have the chance to give my letter to him and even sing by his side. With Gene fucking Simmons from KISS, my favorite band.

But when I got backstage, they told me that I couldn’t go. “There’s too many girls there.” I was the last one he picked and the only one who didn’t make it. I begged that guy, not from Gene’s production but from the event. I even cried. The securities around me were sorry but if I didn’t leave, their jobs would be on the line. I couldn’t even see the man leave the stage. I couldn’t even see the show end.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do from now on. There’s nothing to say, no consolation prize, nothing. “But there will be other shows, other opportunities”, that’s the kind of bullshit that I had to hear. No, there won’t be another Gene Simmons in Brasil calling me to be on stage. My life could have been changed forever.

I was never lucky, never won any raffles or had accomplished great achievements in life. In my letter, the first thing I wrote (as cheesy as it is) “If you’re reading this, everything is possible”. I also wrote how KISS literally changed my life when I went on their last tour here in Brasil, how they took me out of a really bad place and made me run after my dreams. It seems silly, part of me feels like an idiot to be that sad. But I just can’t get over this, can’t have any consolation on that. To be always “almost there” but never actually “there”.

Also, this is the poster I wanted to give him:

The quality is crap and I definitely could do better if I had more time. But I gave my all making it.

Sorry for the long post and the crappy sob story. This just happened like 2 hours ago and everything is still fresh. I decided to write this post because I wanted to share my frustration with people who understand that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

(Fun fact his pants were tearing up but nobody told him)

[justabirdy]

An Open Letter from the Daughter You Don’t Know

I'm going to be open and vulnerable here, mostly because this has been something that has been clawing at my heart to write and I don't have many people to directly share it with.

The following is a letter to my parents. it's a refined stream-of-consciousness I wrote after a particularly hard phone call with them. I may never send this to them. Hell, I may just delete it after a bit, but I hope in the time it is up, that it can encourage or help some people struggling with similar issues regarding family, trauma, transness, and more.

If nothing else, It has helped me refine my thoughts and my experiences and put into words the pain I feel around the complications of family, being queer, and learning to set boundaries.

There are heavy topics discussed though I've tried to keep things vague and unspecific to focus more on the emotions I've been feeling. Still, please don't feel obligate to read if you aren't in a headspace for it.

To a Mom and Dad who may never read this,

I shouldn’t have texted you today. In the span of a few weeks, I have lost my job, my housing, a couple friends, and most recently, access to needed diabetic medicine. I was scared, in shock from the news, in pain from over month of repeated blow after blow of bad news. Other people were busy, and so without thinking, I contacted you. You; the parents who have supported me, who paid for college, who offer words of encouragement, who are excited to see when I succeed. I committed self-harm today through a simple text that expressed my worry.

I’m aware that you will probably never read this, but I need to write it down anyway because it is so, so, SO painful to talk with you. Right now, my soul is twisting and writhing from the pain it’s in. The recognition of your support for a person you’ve not truly known, the ever-present fear of letting you down, and the tiredness of being who you expect when who I actually am cries out in pain.

You called with encouragement on the mind. “This too will pass son. God is stretching you, son. Son, He has great plans for you. You will find the perfect job, son. We love you SON. We are praying for you SON. You’ll always be our SON.”

It’s the model parent of the year. Who could fault a parent loving and supporting and encouraging their son through hard times. And yet, each punctuation of your support feels like a dagger through my heart until it’s a pincushion that can barely beat let alone form a response. Your support hurts and stabs and digs deep into my being because I know that support belongs to a birthright, an heir to the family name, a son.

Before I can respond, you’ve shifted gears back into familiar territory:

“How’s your walk with God?” “Are you still walking with the Lord?” “Do you trust Him?” “When we are at our end, that’s where God Begins.” “What barriers have you put up separating you from God?”

I’m numb. What am I supposed to say? We’ve had this conversation over and over. When I lost my last job due to a pandemic, when I thought my dog might be dying, when I was diagnosed with diabetes. If there’s a heartbreak, a struggle, or challenge in my life, these questions return.

Over the years I’ve responded in every way. “My faith is struggling” warrants a scolding to do better and follow examples set before me. Similarly, though “My walk with God is fine” is also met with skepticism. No person could suffer hardship without having stumbled or fallen away from God to deserve it after all.

I want to scream. The truth is YOU are the barrier that’s been put up! You are the reason. I can’t do more than hitch a sob that I try to hide from the phone speaker though I’m sure you heard it. That noise alone confirms in your mind that I must have strayed far from the light of God. How else could a SON you raised ever struggle this much, ever go through this pain, or suffer as you hear over the phone? This realization pains you because you want your SON to be happy, you want HIM to live a fruitful life and be fulfilled just like you.

I stifle another sob and a sniffle, my mind trying to find an answer that won’t disappoint you. I can’t find the words to explain that the teachings I grew up with don’t align with the church I see.

Feed the hungry; help the poor; commune, support, and love the downtrodden; accept people for who they are and meet them where they’re at. None of it aligns with the hatred and vitriol I see for the immigrants, the sex workers, the refugees, the disabled, and the queer around me.

I can say this though. Even after a year and a half of therapy, there’s still a small part of me that won’t let me open up, it won’t let me tell you what I feel because that wouldn’t coincide with your image of me. A person I crafted for decades to protect myself and to avoid your disapproval.

That part of me is weaker than it was two years ago, but still craves your support, it yearns to be praised and accepted even if it means betraying who I really am. The truth is, I’m part of that queer community facing the vitriol and hate from the very ones who taught me to love and support and welcome. I have been for decades. For far longer than I’ve ever understood the words to describe it. I’ve always been a little different from the rest of the family.

There’s a reason why I was never invited to hunt with my grandfather or why I was pressured into football, a reason behind this lacking in my supposed masculinity that was evident enough to need to push me towards masculinity. But it goes back farther than that. I can pinpoint the sadness I felt knowing I could never participate in a father-daughter dance. I remember the shame I was made to feel after getting caught trying on lipstick, the stern talks about such behavior.

I remember the hundreds of nights I spent crying in my bed at the fact puberty was making me something I didn’t want to be, forcing me into something I could never be. I didn’t know how to describe it, couldn’t explain myself even if I had tried; but I understood. Those nights were spent begging and crying in hushed tones under my blankets, pleading with God to answer a single request:

God, please make me a girl.

I wanted nothing more than to wake up and find this Kafka-style nightmare of puberty finished, reversed even. Those were nights of self-harm, clawing, biting, and punching a body that refused to listen; a body that stubbornly changed in the worst possible ways.

You never saw those nights, but eventually, a learned helplessness set in. I couldn’t be me. God wouldn’t let it happen, I couldn’t do anything about it, and that’s not the person you expected me to be. So, unable to be myself, I learned to be your son. I played the part. I wore the mask. I ignored the hurt inside. I became a leader in the youth group. I wore the suit. I grew the beard. It was an identity that was expected of me. It was capable, professional, conservative, and it. Was. Safe.

And I LOATHED myself for it. I pushed the person I needed to be down, smothering it until I was numb. If I could never be them, I should just focus on the safe bet even if I hated him. But that came with its own set of problems. I hated my body so why should I care for it? It’s not like anyone would be attracted to it anyway. Why exercise? Why eat right? Why put effort into clothes or appearance anyway? Maybe if I was lucky, I might just not make it long enough for it to matter.

Besides you approved of this me. You loved me. You supported me. That’s what mattered. That’s what I craved. When you commented that I never did anything but sit in my room all day, I responded. I stopped writing, I stopped doing art. I leaned into volunteering at church, I started a business, worked multiple side jobs, then proved to you that my own business was a real thing worth respecting. I became independent because that’s what you demanded. That’s what you approved of. That part of me grew stronger each year while the real me remained buried.

As the hunger for your approval grew, my self-loathing remained, it festered and smoked until the multiple jobs burned me out. Something in me broke and depression set in like a fog. I’d work 12-16 hours a day and spend all weekend in bed, sleeping, crying, or contemplating dark things. I told you work was killing me. Said it plainly and openly, and thankfully you believed me because you encouraged me again. Told me God was stretching me. Encouraged my change in career paths. You approved for me to make a change.

The truth is, I didn’t tell you everything. My self-hatred had reached a breaking point. I hated my jobs, I hated my small business, I hated my body, I hated very being. I needed to escape. I needed to think. I needed to recover, to distract, and gain space from over a decade of expectations I felt no control over. So, when I burned out and depression first set in, I also found myself without energy, unable to hold the weight of expectations that had kept that little queer person inside me smothered any longer.

With it came the first bit of true joy I had experienced in years. I was an adult. I had adult money. I could go to a store and buy nail polish, just to try it. When I did, I claimed it was a lost bet, but truthfully, I just loved the red color and suddenly I didn’t want to bite my nails anymore. Suddenly I cared about something, suddenly I cared about myself, even just a tiny bit. That realization terrified me, especially seeing it peek through the vernier I had worn for so many years.

This was NOT what you expected of an ideal SON.

So, I fled cross country under the guise of a new job. Thousands of miles away. I still wore the beard, the mask, and the suit of your expectations, but in small ways I could start to explore a part of myself I had buried 15 years ago. Over the course of a year, I healed just a little, I explored, I studied scripture, and I reflected deeply in an effort to both understand who I was and reconcile with that revelation one way or another. And I did begin to reconcile with it. At the same time, the part of me I had built up for so long, that part that needed your approval got just a little weaker and the tiny joys I found in being myself became just a little stronger and a little more frequent.

When the pandemic forced me to return to your home, I quickly found I had damaged that mask of the perfect son. The cracks were small, but they were noticeable and made me wary. I knew that you wouldn’t approve of the person inside me that I had begun to nurture and show compassion for. I would need to be careful not to let the cracks in the mask show.

Strangely though, my craving for your approval shifted ever so slightly. Would you possibly love or approve of a child who didn’t fit your ideal mold? You were kind and compassionate and supportive in so many ways. My heart still flutters at that thought. What if you, the people who raised me, could stand to love me even in my failing your expectations. I wanted THAT approval.

I couldn’t risk discovery, but I could carefully observe you. You worked with gay people, but you only brought them up when defending yourself. You asked about a neighbor’s pride flag to which I responded it was a bisexual flag they had likely hung up for pride. But you responded “Well, they shouldn’t be proud of that.” It answered my questions. If a neighbor down the street couldn’t avoid your scrutiny, I certainly couldn’t use gender neutral pronouns around you. It quickly became clear that I would not be safe in your house, not without the burden of your expectations smothering that queer person inside me.

So, I fled again. I entered grad school. Left the state and a part of my masculinity behind. I spent a year on a campus of supportive people willing to put up with that eccentric nonbinary person. I was terrified to leave my masculine presentation behind, but the joy I found at seeing myself look even slightly closer to the girl my 12-year-old-self had begged for me to become… well that joy was palpable. It was like I had been struck by lightning. I was energized, passionate about life, I suddenly cared about my body. There were still parts I didn’t like, but those were being overshadowed by parts that I did. That early euphoria of simply being myself was something I will never forget.

Grad school zipped by and before I knew it, the pandemic lockdowns were over, and I was starting a new job with a new degree. Sometime in all of this, I decided I couldn’t pretend anymore. I wanted to try opening up to you again. I wanted to test the waters and see if you could love and accept a nonbinary child. I had also begun writing again.

I had decided I was going to ask key questions the next time I came down for the holidays, but what I hadn’t anticipated was you reading an article I had published alongside some work I had been doing for my new job. The article detailed the need for scientific language to grow and develop as times changed. It called out racist language, exclusionary language, called for us to be more inclusive in the way we interact academically and highlighted organizations that were actively working toward improving the language in their field. That phone call you made haunts me to this day.

“You used ALL the liberal, woke buzzwords.” “How’s your walk with God?” “I don’t know where we went wrong.” “Democrats can’t be Christians.” “I’m leaving you to God now. Goodbye.”

I’ll be honest, this broke me again. For 4 months I assumed you had fully disowned me. That single phone call led me to call suicide hotlines several times. I was alone. I was in a new state without a network of support, and with the belief that I would never speak to my parents again, the very people I had trained myself to chase approval from.

For 4 months I processed. I went through the stages of grief. I began to pick myself up again. I began to live for myself and my own joy. The early hesitancy of leaving behind my masculinity, it shattered. I didn’t need it anymore. I could freely pursue being myself fully and truly. I could truly try to be happy.

I started building new connections, found people who accepted me. Advocated for myself. I became a stronger me. I found my identity. I was still nonbinary, but it was more than that. I could finally start to pursue the person my 12-year-old self knew I was when she begged God to be a girl. 17 years later, that prayer was beginning to be answered.

Then one day you called.

Worse still, you pretended nothing had happened. Pretended I had never written that article. That you had never said what you did. Like we just hadn’t spoken in a bit because we got busy. I felt trapped by the grief I had processed conflicting with that urge to regain your approval on our reconnection. A much smaller part of me urged that family is still family at the end of the day.

but I knew this family and I couldn’t trust it anymore even as I yearned still for your approval. So, I gave in, I let the past be ignored. But I guarded my heart. You would never get to know the person I was becoming. This time I sought to protect myself. You weren’t safe so I would keep you at arm’s length.

I moved states again. We spoke, but internally, my goal was complete and total independence from you. The writing was on the wall and things were in motion that would ensure you found out who I was eventually. So, I steeled myself for that time. I built a network of people I could trust. I came out to old and new friends. I went to therapy. I planned and processed and worked to try to encourage you to become more open to the LGBTQ community without straight up outing myself.

But I also continued to work towards my own life and my own happiness. Soon I had a good group of friends who accepted me for who I was. I had hobbies to pursue, things I loved doing. I even came out to some of my oldest friends and in a couple cases, their own parents as well. I found the more I lived to meet my own expectations, the less I craved meeting yours. The less I worried about if you would accept me or not.

I still care, don’t get me wrong. Multiple people have suggested I go “no contact” with you, but I have refused that. I want to believe you might accept me one day, and I hope I’m not forced to give up that belief. But I also recognize that historic evidence has merit and it’s not been promising.

I nearly gave up when you called me at the start of this year. You had discovered my pierced ears, my green hair, and my tattoo during an exhausting visit where I still pretended to be your son. You had handled it graciously enough, accepted that I could make these decisions for myself, given me hope that maybe you were open to some changes in me. So much so that this phone call shook me.

You called to inform me that a childhood friend had passed away. He had been murdered during a mugging. I had heard the news earlier that day, but in the next couple breaths I felt my heart sink as you confronted me about my own gender and sexuality. You had seen my they/them pronouns on a work website and had done some googling to learn about it.

You sought to use my friend’s death and the fact he was gay to confront me about who I was. I felt sick. I was stunned. I remember the way you immediately asked if I had slept with “other men.” I remember that sharp and painful edge to your voice. I remember your hasty assurances that you still loved me, words that sounded hollow and desperate, more like someone had coached you to do it so I wouldn’t just hang up the phone on you. I was so stunned I couldn’t even answer your question of “are you at least happy?” and I certainly couldn’t bring myself to tell you that I am trans, not just nonbinary.

Mostly I remember the sickening realization that this was no longer going to be a clean-cut issue where you would just cut me out of your life and disown me like I had already grieved and prepared for. I would have to make that decision. I would have to prepare to deal with guilt-tripping, manipulation, and possibly making the decision to go “no contact” myself.

Today, that part of me that craves your approval has grown very small. I am living openly as myself, letting myself be happy for the first time in my life. Everyone around me knows who I am but you. Everyone knows your daughter… everyone but you. Let me answer that question you asked over the phone that January evening. Yes. I am happy. I am loved. I am content. My faith is fine, even if it doesn’t look exactly like yours anymore. I am one of the queer ones and I’m so much happier for it.

It's not lost on me that at 32 years old I’m already on the older side of my community. Elders are few and far between, often because those who would be community elders were far stronger than me, far more willing to stand up to protect and cherish their community against every odd and they paid the price for it. I admire their strength the same way I was taught to admire the martyrs of the early church even as I commit to sharing resources and communion with those younger and in more need than myself.

Many in my community weren’t allowed the chance to wear the mask as long as I did. Many didn’t have parents who would support even an idealized version of them like I was afforded. Many prepare for the worst because the worst is all but assured by those around them. It was your continued support that allowed me to strive to be who I am becoming today. The financial support, the genuine attempts to encourage, the love you shared in good and troubled times. Even if that support wasn’t meant for this version of me, it’s not lost on me and it’s appreciated. I intend to pay it forward as best I can.

Despite a growing climate of fear and hate for who and what I am, I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I’m happy with my accomplishments, I’m happy with the person I am striving to be, I’m happy with that long answered prayer:

“I can’t make you into something you already were.”

I’m happy with the community I’ve built around me who love and support me and encourage me to go out and feed the hungry, help the poor, and commune with the downtrodden.

Before I lost my most recent job, before my livelihood seemingly crumbled overnight. You called me again. And surprisingly, you apologized for what you had done. You were specific, you were clear, and I still truly hope you were sincere. You asked me not to push you away and I believe that you don’t want it to happen. But tearfully I responded that it was up to you. And you answered that challenge. You asked me to let you prove it.

I love you, truly, I do. But you’ve made a pledge and until you prove it, I intend to keep you at a distance. How can you expect me to fill you in on everything when you still won’t even use anything but he/him pronouns in conversation? How can you expect me to come to you when your first response is to assume I’ve done wrong by God and deserve punishment. How can I open up when you text me to ask what cisgender means only to get upset that a coworker won’t just say she’s female even as I’m actively explaining how comforting it is to see people use the term as signal that they are safer to me any my community.

Your own actions make it so very hard to justify opening myself to the pain of interacting with you. Until you prove otherwise, I’m sorry I texted you today, I’m sorry I opened myself up to further pain by seeking your answers and support. I’m so sorry I can’t let myself connect to you, to introduce you to your daughter; a daughter who has earnestly yearned for your approval and support for so, so many years.

I love you, and I still hope that one day I might introduce myself to you for the first time; and I dearly pray it won’t be knelt at your gravestones.

Sincerely and with all my love and heartache,

Your Daughter

[shadowqueenjude]

Finished this skywalker fluff while at the wedding today:

“Another one!” Luke and Leia cried as Padme finished a bedtime story. She sighed, rubbing her forehead and leaning against Anakin’s shoulder. “I am fresh out of stories. Ani, do you have any?”

Anakin thought for a few moments. He had many stories from his own life, most of them not really child-appropriate. Though he did have one story, one that he never found out whether it was true or not, considering what happened to his mother.

“Kids, you know my father is the force,” Anakin began. “But I’ve never told you about my mother’s side of the family. My mother told me stories about them. Did you want to hear?”

The kids nodded eagerly, so Anakin cleared his throat and began. “A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, there lived a lovely young woman with unmatched beauty and power. Her name was Aurora Alamanni. She was the princess of a gorgeous planet with lush forests and cold streams, and it was not long before she was the talk of the town. All sorts of things were told in gossip: it was said that she was the most powerful Force user to ever live, that from the age of two she had been using it, that she could float into the air and walk across the sky. She was called by many names: Sweet-faced liar, goddess sin. Aurora the Proud. Aurora Skywalker.”

“Skywalker?” Luke exclaimed. Anakin nodded, continuing the story. “When she razed a group of Hut terrorists to the ground with a wave of her hand, stories about her spread throughout the galaxy, drawing the interest of the Sith Lord, who desired her as an apprentice.”

Anakin stroked both his babies’ hair at that, recalling his decision to teach them the Sith ways of the Force. A risky choice to be sure, but better they learn it from him than somebody else.

“So he came to the palace to proposition the lady, who was a mere 15 years at the time. He was welcomed in a ball at a time before the Sith gained their wicked reputation. There, the lord laid out his plans before the princess while dancing with her. Young and brash as she was, she resolutely refused. Angered by her rude rejection, the Sith tried to kill her. Because she was inexperienced and hadn’t stepped into her birthright yet, the Sith nearly succeeded. As it was, even with her youth, her connection to the force was so powerful that not only did the Sith’s magic fail and instead put her in a deep sleep, but the strain of combating such raw Force killed the man.”

“And then?” Leia prompted when Anakin paused briefly. “The force induced sleep was very powerful. So powerful that the only way it could be broken was by the princess’s true love.” “Bullshit,” Leia complained. Padme looked at her daughter sternly. “Don’t use such language, Leia.” Leia grumbled but didn’t argue.

“It seemed an impossible task. After all, the princess herself was only 15; she had never even experienced love. How could anyone wake her up?” Anakin paused once more for dramatic effect, watching as Luke’s eyes turning wide as saucers while Leia tapped her leg impatiently. Anakin whispered, “The kingdom’s fate depended upon this mystery person because the clash of two mega powerful force users had caused the force itself to backfire and spread the curse upon everyone in the castle. With no one to rule the kingdom, the planet descended into anarchy. Vines thick as tree trunks wound themselves around the castle, sinking it several feet into the ground. Different groups warred with one another for dominance. The Hutts invaded the planet. Assassination attempts were made, but there appeared to be a force shield around the palace, lending itself the question: how would the princess’s true love even make it inside?”

“The Force, obviously,” Luke blurted. Padme giggled as Anakin sighed. “Let me finish the story, little one.” Padme turned to Anakin with a grin. “Our babies are too smart to surprise,” she murmured. Anakin couldn’t help but smile. Their kids. His smart kids with Padme. Padme. Padme. Padme.

“Anyway, one hundred years later, a man arrived at the palace. He had loved the princess in another world, another life, another reality, before she was taken from him tragically. Desperate to have her back, he tried to restore her from the dead and failed. As a last ditch effort, he crossed to another dimension where he found a version of his love still alive. It was then that the Force drew him to this place.”

Padme reached for Anakin’s hand and squeezed it. Anakin relished that feeling. There was a reason he knew and loved this story so well: it resonated with him, because he loved Padme the exact same way as the man in the tale loved Aurora. Wholly, ravenously, desperately, selfishly.

“The shield purred in his presence, sensing its savior. With a wave of a hand, it parted before the man, who walked inside the castle. He knew then why he’d been drawn there. The place looked odd, as if everyone had fallen asleep where they stood. These people needed his help, and Aurora must be amongst them. So, he searched the dance floor, occasionally moving sleeping forms off of each other to try and find the princess. At last he found her, in the center of it all. Just her unadorned left hand. Suddenly feeling sentimental, he slipped his wife’s ring onto the hand before lifting body after body from the pile.

At last, he saw Aurora. She was a carbon copy of his dead wife. Heart filled with hope, he moved his hand so that it hovered over her chest and summoned all the force strength in him. Within moments, Aurora’s eyes opened, and she beheld her savior.

Within a couple of months, Aurora became queen and the otherworld man married her, and their focus turned to restoring order to the planet. Hence began the civil war, which resulted in a split state: three-fourths of the land would remain with the kingdom while the remaining fourth would go to the Hutts.”

Leia and Luke scrunched up their faces at that point in the story. “They gave up land to gangsters?” Leia shouted. At that, Padme reached out to Leia and gently pulled her into her lap, bouncing her slightly.

“Sometimes calculated losses are better than taking huge risks,” Padme explained gently. “Giving up the land was a temporary setback that they could eventually overcome if they were smart enough.”

“But they weren’t,” Anakin added, taking the chance to continue the story here. “They became complacent. While Aurora’s generation did well to keep the Hutts in check, her children and grandchildren were not so vigilant. By the time her granddaughter was ready to become queen, the Hutts had gained too much power. They attacked again, and this time they won. Aurora’s granddaughter was taken as a slave, and our line has been enslaved ever since.”

“You were a slave?” Luke cried, reaching towards his father. He crawled up to him and hugged his chest. Anakin replied, “Yes.”

Luke began to cry in Anakin’s chest. Feeling both heart-warmed at Luke’s affection and sad at his tears, Anakin gently stroked Luke’s hair. “I escaped,” he said softly. “And now I’m here with you three.”

Luke’s tears slowed as Anakin sent comfort through their force-bond. However, Anakin still didn’t know his own strength sometimes. He channeled so much of his power that Luke was snoring within seconds. Anakin’s eyes tentatively turned up to meet Padme’s. She was trying very hard to scowl at him but her lips were clearly holding back a laugh.

“Anakin! I told you not to force-sleep our kids!” she exclaimed.

“It wasn’t intentional!” Anakin protested, and the dam broke. Padme doubled over with laughter, Anakin joining her, and the small childish giggles of Leia joined in too. Right. There was still one kid awake.

“Later, baby,” Anakin said when Leia stared at him expectingly. “Luke needs to hear the story too.”

“Oh come on!” Leia complained, and Anakin magicked her to sleep too. Padme narrowed her eyes at him. “Fine. Just this once, since they were particularly raucous tonight.”

Anakin sighed in relief, leaning down to lay his head on Padme’s lap. His own eyes were getting droopy with fatigue, and he stared sleepily at his wife with a lazy smile on his face. “Do you have a bedtime story for me, Padme?” he asked.

Her answering smile was so soft and sweet that Anakin fell in love again. She placed a hand on his cheek, speaking softly. “Once upon a time, there lived two young children forced to be warriors…”

[sparkandashes]

It’s about 10 pm and I have wrapped myself like a burrito in the blue comforter you gave me. Don’t ask me how my day’s been; period cramps have made it worse, I have lost count of how many times I’ve cried. Blame my mind, the hormones or just another day confining myself in this bad secluded place.

Sometimes, I wonder if I really make friends, am I good at it or do I just pretend? I have no clue. Because there are so many people- I know, I have to say hello to, but there are very few who notice I have disappeared and then there’s no one to greet or meet because we don’t come across each other by chance and there’s no one who’d walk just to come see me smile or rather alive.

There are days like today when my thoughts keep spiraling out of control and I can’t help but find myself getting caught in the web of silence, all morose. I don’t seem to care yet I write about it once in a while, call me a paradox or a paranoid.

I don’t know if I am being needy or clingy but I do miss you- some days more than the rest and when you aren’t there, I feel abandoned, not loved at all, for when I need time, reasons for not being there do not suffice. I am feeling low, hold me in your arms and let your shirt soak my tears, let me cry because this world makes me feel I never belonged here.

This is a dark place or I paint it black, whatever it is, if you choose me, be there to hold my hand and rescue me from my thoughts or just whisper my name until my heart no longer drowns in pain.

@sparkandashes via tumblr

[myonedream]

⋆‧̍̊ ·̊ ~⋆ ✦ ⋆~ ·̊ ‧̍̊ ‧̍̊ ·̊ ~⋆ ♡ ⋆~ ·̊ ‧̍̊ ‧̍̊ ·̊ ~⋆ ✦ ⋆~ ·̊ ‧̍̊⋆

“With Love, Jun”

⋆‧̍̊ ·̊ ~⋆ ✦ ⋆~ ·̊ ‧̍̊ ‧̍̊ ·̊ ~⋆ ♡ ⋆~ ·̊ ‧̍̊ ‧̍̊ ·̊ ~⋆ ✦ ⋆~ ·̊ ‧̍̊⋆

✦ ⋆DNI Minors & Ageless Blogs⋆ ✦

A/N ~ Firstly, I just wanna say I love this man so much it’s insane. Secondly, god this was stressful, I worked on it for, a collective of probably 12 hours or more, idk. Which, is kinda embarrassing ngl. Anyway regardless, I put my whole pussy into this from yesterday into today to get it out in time for you guys (luckily had three paragraphs and the picture already done) so I really hope you all like it! There are some lines that truly make my head spin on god as I’m honestly really proud of this! Also I deeply believe y/n is gonna get a noise complaint someday if they haven’t already. Furthermore, it’s around 6k words if anyone’s wondering!

CW ~ Fluff & Smut! Idol Bf!Yeonjun x afab!reader (they/them pronouns are used & they’re not specified to be a girl but are feminine), Soft Dom!Yeonjun (man is so gentle & sweet), creampie (reader is on the pill but use protection or else!), praise, light dirty talk (gotta have it), use of names such as Baby, Love, Naughty Little Thing was used once along with Good Little Slut, corruption, fingering, squirting, bondage of the hands & feet, use of a collar & leash, y/n cries tears of pleasure, cum eating & spit. If I missed something, let me know!

~⋆ ✦ ⋆~Smut Under Cut!~⋆ ✦ ⋆~

You’ve been with your bf, Yeonjun, for almost a year now, you genuinely can’t express how happy you are with him. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted in a boyfriend: sweet, caring, romantic, fun, funny and of course, hot as hell. Just the way he looks at you makes your heart beat out of it’s chest. His soft, plump lips making your head spin whenever they meet yours. His toned arms making you feel safe whenever he wraps them around you. You love him more than anything and he’s absolutely obsessed with you in the cutest way. So of course you have many things planned for your first Valentine’s Day together. You think he only plans to cook dinner at your place as it’s just easier to do it there than at the dorm but later find out that’s not entirely the case.

And here you are, sitting in your apartment on the living room floor, the night before the day of love, getting together your big basket of goodies for your boyfriend. Writing out gushes of love on a handmade card and putting on his favorite lipstick to kiss it all over, only to then spray your perfume on it as well. It may be a cliché but it’s something you’ve always wanted to do and as he is your first real boyfriend, obviously you have to do it for him. You finish it and put it into the basket along with his favorite candy, a brand new bottle of cologne, a photo album of all the polaroids you’ve taken since you’ve been together, a heart shaped picture frame you decorated with a photo of the two of you inside it and a fox plush you dressed up like him.

You know you don’t have to do all this, he tells you all the time you don’t have to give him any gifts as being yours is plenty enough for him, but you can’t just not. You’ve always loved giving gifts, especially meaningful ones, so you always go all out for him anyway which he loves regardless. With the final pink ribbon wrapped atop the handle, you pick up the basket, walking over to the kitchen to set it down on the counter. Briefly you look over at the clock on the stove to see Valentine’s Day is already here. You’ve been so focused on making his gift that night you didn’t even realize how late it was. “Shit, I better get some sleep if I want tomorrow to be as good as I’ve hyped it up to be” you express to yourself. With that you collect your things scattered around the living room to place them back where they all belong. Having rushed around the house for the past 20 minutes you finally have it all cleaned up and so you turn off all the lights, heading to your room in the pajamas you already put on hours ago. You come in and get situated in bed, setting an alarm on your phone before putting it on your nightstand and cuddling into your covers, falling asleep.

The loud sound of your favorite punk song rattles through your apartment, jolting you out of bed instantly as you reach to turn it off. The sun peaks through your bedroom curtains coating your room in golden light. It’s currently 9am and Jun plans to come over at around 4, after dance practice, to start cooking so you know you have adequate time to add the decorations around the place and make yourself extra beautiful for him. Regardless you waste no time, getting up sleepily and shuffling into the kitchen to pour yourself some coffee to help kickstart your day. You drink it quickly as you open the cupboards for all the decorations, large rolls of dark pink and red silk ribbon, cherry red lace bows, fresh pink and red rose petals, heart shaped confetti, pink and red light bulbs, multiple containers of biodegradable glitter, etc. Pulling them all out and laying them out in front of you on the counter.

Putting on your love song playlist, you bring out the step ladder. You have a lot of work ahead of you so you begin with the silk ribbon, wrapping it around the doorways and across the ceiling from one corner of the room to the next, lining every room in your 1 bedroom apartment at the top in dark pink and red. In the middle of the front doorway you place one of your biggest bows, sewing on matching red petals onto it to add a special touch. Using the rest of the bows across the house throughout the ribbons and on the bedposts. Then you go around replacing the light bulbs in your apartment, making some pink and some red. You do this everywhere besides in your bathroom so you have good lighting to get ready in and besides a few lights in the kitchen so he has proper lighting to cook in. You’re then sprinkling the confetti, glitter and rose petals into pathways going from one room to the next. Swiftly you bring out two heart light projectors and place one in the living room and the other in your bedroom. Whilst in there you change your sheets to your new silk red ones and place pink heart pillows on top along with a fluffy pink blanket draped across the bottom on the bed. Whilst in there you take white roses and place them around the pillows on the bed. For the rest of the pillows you have, you stick them on your couch. Now you’re placing vases of white, red and pink roses all around the house. Finally you get to the finishing touch of putting up your lace pink and white curtains in your bedroom and living room you dyed specially for this occasion, placing the old ones into the hallway closet.

After all this running around, it’s 2pm already and you sit down on your couch for a second, taking a moment to check your phone to see messages from Yeonjun you didn’t hear the ringtone for over the music. Opening the messages you read:

“Sorry baby, I’m gonna be a little later than expected. Probably will be around your place at 6 instead. I’m so sorry, don’t worry I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I love you 💕”

Just seeing that message made your heart sink since you know you won’t have as much time as you wished to have with him. Though seeing him type ‘I love you’ made your heart flutter every time as if it was the first. With a melancholy feeling you respond with:

“Don’t worry about it Junie, I know you can’t help it. I’ll still be here regardless. I love you too ❤️”

With that you close your phone, placing it face down on the couch and turn off the music. You can sense you’ll need the extra time so you head to the bathroom to begin getting ready.

You heat up the shower as you remove your clothes before getting in and scrubbing off all the sweat and glitter of the earlier antics. Exiting after 45 minutes of cleaning and shaving every inch of your body, just in case, since you’re not entirely sure what the night might have in store for the two of you. The whole bathroom steamed up extremely so you open up the door to defog, walking out in your robe and into your room. You then enter your closet to pick up a beautiful, shiny white, square neckline dress that flares out in layers of soft ruffles at your waist. The straps just thick enough to look proper with the structured bodice, dress resting a few inches above your knee. Simple but cute. With that in hand, you head over to your shoes and pick up a pair of white suede, chunky, square tipped heels with a ribbon strap. Additionally you pull your accessories out that consist of a white ribbon choker, a pair of silver dangling heart earrings and four pieces of white ribbon for your hair. Before leaving the closet you grab a white lace pair of panties from your dresser drawer. Hurriedly you rush into your room and rest most of all of it on the bed. The only thing not being the ribbons for your hair, still held in your hand.

You go over to your vanity, resting the ribbons atop it and turning on the lights that surround the mirror. Sitting down, you begin working on your hair, which you dyed cherry red specifically for this occasion, curling it in the perfect tightness to wrap into two buns on either side of your head, using one ribbon wrapped around the bottom of each. Both tied with a neat bow. You take the remaining two ribbons and braid one into each thin braid resting off the side of your face, after your tendrils, tying them off with smaller bows. Now styling your soft bangs into an upside down heart shape delicately onto your forehead. You look into the mirror and almost laugh, you think to yourself: “Wow I look like cupid threw up on me.” But still continue in suppressed giggles.

After getting up temporarily to do your skincare routine and brush your teeth you head back into your room to sit down at the vanity once more to start your makeup. Applying your foundation and concealer softly, setting it with powder, bronzing around your face, and making your eyebrows fluffy, full and red to match your new hair. You then blush your cheeks, under your eyes and onto the tip of your nose. Now shifting focus to work on your eyeshadow, brushing on a soft, sheer pinkish red shade all over your lid, into your crease and under your eyes. Taking a pink, heart shaped glitter with your fingers, you press it into the center of your lid and apply eyegloss on top of the glitter and shadow. You also tightline your upper waterline with a matte hot pink eye pencil, putting the same into your lower waterline, dragging it out onto your outer corners slightly. With a shimmering light pink, almost white, highlighter you sweep over your brow bone, high points of your cheeks, down your nose bridge, on the tip of your nose and onto your cupid’s bow. Taking your mascara you apply it on your top and bottom lashes, adding half false lashes onto the outer corners to flare them out. Eventually you get to your lipstick, applying a sheer pink balm on first and then a pretty red in the center in a near heart shape, blending it out softly to give an ombré effect. With one final step, you spray your face with a dewy setting spray with a fine glitter sheen to make yourself shiny.

With your makeup done you clean up your vanity and go into the bathroom once again to wash the makeup off your hands and freshly done white nails. You take off your robe as you re-enter your room, then applying deodorant and spraying a fine glitter mist all over your body. Putting on your underwear and zipping yourself into your dress to then sit down on the bed so you can put on and tie the ribbon of your shoes into a bow around the back of your ankle. Getting up you lean over your vanity, tying your choker on and putting in your earrings. Then picking up your favorite, light floral and amber scented perfume and spraying it on your neck, behind your ears and onto your wrists, rubbing them together. Resting it back onto the vanity where it belongs and turning off the vanity lights.

Finally you’re done as you walk into your living room and pick up your phone you left on the couch. Turning it on you reveal the time is 5:45 and you have another missed message from Yeonjun. You open it up to read:

“On my way, love 💗”

Which he sent only a few minutes ago and you respond with:

“Okay, baby 🫶🏻”

Now heading into the kitchen, you place your phone atop the counter to then pull out two wine glasses and rosé. Filling up both and sitting down at your island, scrolling through social media and patiently waiting for your boyfriend to arrive.

With what felt like an eternity, you finally hear a knock at your door, making your face light up and blush instantly with nerves. You put down your phone and adjust yourself slightly before walking over to the door to open it to your smiling boyfriend holding a giant bouquet of your favorite flowers, a pink gift box wrapped neatly in a bow and a giant bag of ingredients. Almost instantly his face blushes at the sight of you and he goes “Holy shit y/n, you look incredible. You dyed your hair red?!” You giggle and answer with “Yeah, I did it specially for tonight, y’know to fit the theme” as you let him in. “Well I love it, it looks great” he expresses as he walks in and you close the door behind him, taking the heavy bag of ingredients from him and setting them on the counter. The man is turned away from you, looking at all the decorations, in a soft voice you hear him ask “You did all this for me?” “Well yeah, I love you” you chuckle. Instantly he turns around to look at you, walking over to put down the flowers and present box. He then approaches you, his eyes full of love as he cups your face in his hands and leans in so close you can smell his cologne, to kiss you softly with his plush lips. “I love you too, baby” he says in a whisper after removing his lips from yours, leaving a soft pink tint on them from your lipstick. You feel your heart flutter and trying to keep your composure you stare into his eyes and tease “Nice lipstick, Jun.” He lets out a soft laugh and is quick to say “Hey, boys gotta look pretty too!” before wiping it off.

“But I will never look as good as you,” he claims, “I really didn’t have enough time to get ready so pardon my appearance.” You look at him, once again, understating how beautiful he is in a pink silk dress shirt, fitted black dress pants, black platform shoes and his black hair parted just perfectly. “Pardon what? You look great!” you reply with a slight smack to his arm to which you then squeeze slightly to get a feel of. He laughs and goes “Thank you, baby. But not as good as you.” He takes his hands and places them on your hips, lifting them under your dress and up to your ass, giving it a slight squeeze. You let out a slight whine and he says to you “Also, you don’t have to get secret feels of me, just ask.” Leaning in after to place a kiss on your neck, still caressing your ass gently. With a soft moan you add “Junie… dinner.” “Oh yeah, almost forgot” he says as he removes his hands and turns to the ingredient bag he brought. He definitely didn’t forget.

“I’m gonna get a vase for these,” you say picking up the flowers and reaching into the cupboards for your last vase, “by the way, thank you for these.” “You’re welcome” he replies with a smile so big you can hear it in his voice along with the rustling of the ingredients he’s pulling out of the bag as your back is turned to him, filling the vase with water. Whilst you’re not looking he places the ingredient bag, no longer full of ingredients but rather with some special items he hoped to use tonight, in the lower cupboard. You turn around, unaware, and place the flowers in the now filled vase and stick them on the table in the living room, looking over to your loving boyfriend preparing to cook. Finally it seems he notices your basket on the counter, that your forgot to move earlier, looking at it he asks “Is this for me?” You rush over instantly, grabbing it before he can look at it closer, “Yes, but for after dinner” you announce, putting it into the hallway closet next to your old curtains. “Okay, okay, guess you’ll want to wait for your gift too?” he asks. “Yes, in fact let me move it into the closet with your gift” you add, grabbing it off the counter and sticking it in the closet as well. He giggles “Alright but no peeking.” You stare at him as he begins cooking, fake upset and go “I would never peek! How dare you assume I would!” With that little smirk of his he responds “Says a chronic peeker.” “I only peeked once!” Whilst chopping herbs he rebuttals with “It was your birthday gift though.” With a tone of a child in trouble you say barely audibly “But it was really big… how could I not?” He starts laughing at the top of his lungs and asks “What are you? In trouble or something?” “Well some punishments are fun so I wouldn’t necessarily mind being in trouble” you tease, knowing damn well you couldn’t handle a punishment. “Relax yourself, you’ll get some after presents” he says in a deep voice, looking at you intensely, almost eye fucking you the way he always does. You gulp harshly feeling your cheeks light up like a fire and stutter out a “O-o-okay…” “Now come be good and help me” he declares, motioning you over.

After about 45 minutes, you are all done with dinner, well, Yeonjun is done with dinner as you’ve never been a great cook but you’re one hell of an assistant! He made cute, little pizza roses and heart shaped garlic knots from scratch. Fortunately he prepared most of the ingredients earlier today, like the dough and the sauce, to make it easier. “Wait wait,” you go, sprinkling the herbs on top of everything “boom, now I made them too.” He laughs, leaning over the counter, slightly sweaty from the heat of the oven. “Okay, you made them” you confess. “It’s okay,” he says as he grabs your hand and kisses it, “I wouldn’t have been able to do this without my beautiful assistant.” “Thanks, Junie” you blush. “Alright lets get these plated up” he exclaims as he’s grabbing plates from the cupboard. You move the untouched rosé and take the plates from him, setting up your counter as you can’t fit a dining table in your small apartment. Then Jun puts three roses and two hearts on each plate, grabbing a fork and knife for each of you from the drawer in case you need them. Which makes you quickly realize you forgot to take out the pink cloth napkins you bought.

“Oh fuck!” you exclaim, “forgot the goddamn napkins.” You can hear him chuckling as you run to the hallway closet once again, pulling them out. “Alright I got em’” you say putting one by each of your plates. “Now sit your ass down and drink some of the rosé, you bitch” you declare loudly, patting the seat next to you. “Okay, okay” he answers, putting his hands up and moving to sit down next to you. Before he can say anything you’re already shoving a pizza rose in your mouth, sauce dripping down your chin. “Baby, chill” he says whilst laughing and wiping your face for you as you stare at him eyes wide, embarrassedly. “Sorry, haven’t eaten yet today” you apologize. “And why not?” he asks mid garlic knot bite. You sink in your chair a little before replying quietly “Been busy getting everything ready for you.” With a smile he says “You know you didn’t need to do all this for me.” “I know, I just wanted to,” you exclaim, “and you also didn’t need to make these from scratch either but it is delicious, Junie.” “I know, I just wanted to” he replies with a smirk, “thank you, y/nie.”

Once dinner is done you excitedly put the dishes in the sink, hurrying into the bathroom to use some mouthwash, bringing some out for him. “Here, to erase the garlic” you say as you hand it to him, which he gladly accepts. As he’s swishing away those knots, you rush over to the closet to bring out your gifts. Putting the basket back onto the counter, you exclaim “Open mine first.” After spitting out the mouthwash into the sink, he wipes his hands off and walks over to it, saying “Alright then.” “Well there’s nothing to really open but y’know.” He laughs and begins pulling out the candy and cologne, “Oooooh,” he expresses as he looks at the candy, already opening it and eating some “my favorite.” “Stop eating and keep going” you rush him. “Alright I’m going,” he responds, pulling the cologne out of the box and spraying it on his wrist to sniff it, “oh that smells nice, thank you, baby.” “Oh, what’s this?” he asks pulling out the heart picture frame, “aw, you make this?” “Yeah and it’s not the only thing I made” you answer proudly. “Well it’s beautiful and definitely going on my nightstand” he gushes pulling out the photo album and plush. Laughing he asks whilst holding the fox, “This supposed to be me?!” You begin laughing yourself, “Yeah, you’re a fox!” “Is this what I look like to you?” he teases whilst holding it up to his face. “Honestly, yes” you admit. Furrowing his brow he shoots a glare at you, “Okay, I’ll take it as a compliment as it’s really cute and will be going on my bed.” “But this outfit,” he says pointing to it, “is proof that my fashion is truly better than Beomgyu’s.” “Yeah, okay, whatever you say.” “It is!” he yells in defense. “Just keep going and look in the photo album” you respond.

He begins looking through the album and you can see his eyes welling up. “You okay, Jun?” you ask worriedly. “Yeah,” he says softly, “it’s just sweet.” You walk over to him and rub his back, “I’m glad you like it,” you reply in a comforting tone, “but don’t cry yet, there’s still a card.” “Oh god,” he exclaims, “I’m not gonna make it.” With that he pulls out the card and opens it, reading it quietly to himself. After awhile you can see his eyes tearing up again before a tear begins to fall down his face and onto the cardstock. He reaches out his hand and grabs yours as he finishes reading. Eventually he let’s go of your hand to close the card and put it back into the basket quietly, wiping tears away as he does. After he does he turns to you and puts his hands on your waist, pulling you up onto the counter so you’re both at eye level. “Jun?” you ask worriedly. Leaning in closely to you, tears still in his eyes, he conveys “God, I love you so much” before smashing his lips into yours. Butterflies begin swirling in your stomach as you wrap your arms around his neck, briefly he breaks the kiss to say “Thank you, baby, I don’t deserve you.” Before smashing his lips into yours again, getting rougher by the moment, leaning in so close, you can feel his growing erection against you. “Jun, your present for me” you say pulling away in a near moan, leaving a string of saliva between both your lips. “Right, hold on, don’t move” he responds.

Quickly he grabs the gift box for you, handing it to you. You can see the horniness growing in his eyes so you waste no time to open it up, pulling out a silver heart shaped locket. You open it to see a picture of both of you inside, making you blush intensely. “Turn it around” he says to you. With so you do and on the back it says:

“To My Home

With Love, Jun”

With that you begin crying yourself, so much so you can’t even make out any words. Quickly he comes over to you, wiping the red eyeshadow tears away with his thumbs, leaning close to you as he holds your face to say “I know it’s a cliché but I’ve always wanted to do it.” “Funny, I said the same thing to myself about your card and basket” you laugh. Grabbing the locket, he puts it on for you, adjusting it to dangle perfectly. “Guess we’re just a bunch of lovedrunk fools” he replies with a giggle. “No, we’re happy fools,” you joke as he looks at you with a pained look, “sorry I had to.” In a burst of laughter he exclaims “It’s okay, just read my note so I can fuck you already” as he hands it to you. Your cheeks fill with heat as so does another part of you whilst you take the note from him. Your mind clouded with lust as you try desperately to read the note clearly, shaking your head to try and clear your thoughts. “Having trouble reading it?” he teases whilst moving his hand up your leg and to your core, stopping before he reaches it. “Yeah…” you say breathless. To then he pulls the note from your hands, “That’s okay, you can read it after.” He sets it down on the counter as he lifts you up again, wrapping your legs around him and you wrapping your arms around his neck as he carries you into your bedroom.

Gently he lays you down in the red silk of your sheets. “Wow, you decorated this place up a lot” he says with a chuckle before getting up and leaving the room. “Jun, what the hell?!” you express irritatedly. Not listening to your protests, he gets out his ingredient bag from under the cupboard and brings it into the room. “Sorry, baby,” he apologizes, opening up the bag to pull out a pair of pink leather handcuffs, “I was just hoping to try some new things tonight so I brought em’ with me.” Your eyes grow wide as you stare at them, scared of what else is in that bag. “Don’t worry,” he says gently, “I’ll go slowly with everything.” “You can trust me” he declares. Though you both have been together for almost a year, you’ve never done anything non-vanilla. You’d be lying if you weren’t excited however, so nervously you respond with “Okay, Jun, I trust you. Go ahead.”

Quickly your boyfriend leans over you and reaches under you to unzip your dress, pulling it off swiftly revealing your bare breasts and white lace panties. Tugging at them lightly he teases “Aw, put these on just for me, baby?” “Y-yes” you mutter. “Not much of a reason to,” he says as he pulls them down and off you, “they were just gonna come off anyway.” You nod in agreement as he lifts your arms up over your head, threading the cuffs through the slat of your headboard, tightening them on each of your wrists gently. “Too tight?” he asks. You shake your head, feeling your pussy beginning to glisten with arousal. “Good” he says leaning down to kiss you gently but passionately. He removes his lips from yours to say “Let me get the ankle cuffs.” “Ankle cuffs?” you ask, you didn’t even know those existed. He nods, grabbing them from the bag, “They’re meant to keep your pretty legs nice and open for me.” You blush heavily as your boyfriend sets them on the bed, they’re just like the handcuffs, even in a matching pink color, but have a rod attached in between the chains.

Leaning down, Yeonjun removes your shoes slowly, setting them on the floor in front of your bed. Softly he adjusts one of the cuffs around your right ankle and then the other around your left ankle as they naturally force your legs apart. He bends your legs at the knees as the fire begins to burn inside you, him noticing instantly as your breathing becomes heavier. “Getting impatient, baby?” he asks in a low whisper. “Mhmm” you whimper, everything was so new, it made you nervous but excited. Your eyes made their way to the bulge in his pants as he continued digging into the bag again, making your pussy clench around the air. “There’s just one more thing but you need to close your eyes.” “Okay, Junie” you say nervously, closing your eyes shut tight. Soon after you feel the ribbon of your choker being untied and another choker being placed around your neck, this one with a long chain dangling down and in between your breasts.

“Alright open your eyes” he says eagerly. So of course you oblige and see exactly what you felt resting in your cleavage. “Junie?” you ask, “is this a collar and leash?” Holding onto the handle of the leash, in the same color pink, he answers “Yes it is.” “Why would I need this?” you ask embarrassed that you weren’t more knowledgeable with these type of things. “To do this” he says as he pulls onto the handle and you feel the collar tighten around your neck. You let out a gasp and exclaim “Oh! That’s new.” It was hard to speak with it choking you but you found yourself enjoying the squeezing feeling. “New but good?” he asks, making sure you were okay. “Yeah, I like it,” you nodded, “but can you just fuck me already?” He lets out a giggle, responding with “Since you’ve been so patient and brave, of course.”

With that he sticks his head in between your legs, letting them rest atop him as he moves up your body to be face to face with you, leaning in to kiss you. Hurriedly he pushes his tongue through your lips, swirling it around yours, mixing the two of yours saliva together. While he sucks onto the length of your tongue he lifts his left hand up to your right breast, playing with your hard nipple between his index finger and thumb. With his right hand he grabs onto the handle of your leash and pulls it, making you moan into his mouth and your back arch. At this point his tongue is halfway down your throat, bulge pushed against your soaking, unclothed core, leaving a wet spot on his dress pants. Slowly, without breaking the kiss, he begins rutting himself against your clit as you arch your back again. Doing that until you whimper out.

Eventually he removes his lips on yours to suck onto your left nipple harshly, making you moan out in pleasure. As well as bringing his hand down to slip his middle and ring finger deep into your sopping cunt. “Oh fuck, Jun…” you whimper out onto his fingers thrusting in and out of you quickly. “That feel good, baby?” he asks lifting his mouth off your wet nipple, feeling you clench around his fingers. “God,” you say in between your moans, “yes.” “That’s what I like to hear” he expresses, holding your face to look at him. At this point your brain is clouded and your moans filling the empty space of your room, the petals of the roses you placed there earlier tickling your bare skin. Nothing to feel but pure pleasure as you lay there, naked and vulnerable to your boyfriend. Just as you thought you couldn’t feel better, Yeonjun starts rubbing circles around your clit with his thumb. “Mmm… god, fuck, Junie” you moan out. As he feels you clench around him, he softly conveys to you “Let it out, baby. Go ahead, cum for me.” As if a dam broke inside you, you feel yourself come undone as you squirt around his fingers that he continues to thrust into you. “Oh Junie!” you yell out as you soak the clean sheets underneath you. “That’s my baby, god, you’re so sexy” he coos at you as he leans in to kiss you desperately with desire. “Fuck,” he moans out in between kisses, “I need to be inside you.”

Without another thought, he removes the roses from the bed and onto the floor so the thorns don’t hurt you. Then he kicks off his shoes and unbuckles his pants, pulling them off with his boxers, revealing his hard, leaking member. Lining himself up with your soaked hole, you exclaim before he enters you “Please Junie, take your shirt off.” “You want me to remove my shirt, baby?” he asks. “Mhmm.” With that he unbuttons the silk of his shirt and removes it quickly, revealing his toned abs. Now realigning himself up with you, he gently inserts the tip of his cock into your pussy with a squelch. He lets out a slight moan as he works the rest of his length into you, making sure to be slow enough for you to get used to his size. You can feel yourself becoming fucked out already as he stretches you open for him, holding your hips for leverage. “Oh god” you moan out as he fills you up slowly.

Soon enough he’s all the way inside you, kissing your cervix with the tip of his cock. “Fuck, there you go,” he coos as he starts gently thrusting in and out,“god, you’re so tight.” “And you feel so good” you respond as he speeds up his thrusts, reaching down to pull on your leash, choking you lightly. Beginning to fuck you dumb, he pushes his, previously on your clit, thumb in your mouth, “Suck.” With that you do, cleaning the taste of you off him, swirling your tongue around it. Removing his thumb, still fucking you deep, he brushes it against your right nipple, dampening it. You moan out instantly, too fucked dumb to make out anything other than whines of pleasure. “Yeah, you like that, you naughty little thing?” he asks, adjusting himself to fuck you even deeper, making you yell out his name. You bite your lip and respond with “Mhmmmm” as you suppress tears of pleasure from falling down your cheeks. “Good, I like it too” he says in a grunt as he leans in to kiss your forehead.

He picks up the pace, making those red eyeshadow tears finally fall down your cheeks, wiping them away for you instantly. “That’s my good little slut,” he coos, “feels so good, doesn’t it?” “Yes, Junie” you moan out. Soon you begin to feel that familiar knot in your stomach as you clench around him. “Aw, fuck baby,” he exclaims, “you’re gonna make me cum if you squeeze me in any harder.” “Can’t… help it… feels so good” you whimper. Tugging on your leash some more, his pace doesn’t slow down as before you know it, that knot unties and you cum harshly on his cock. “Juuunie!” you yell as you quiver around him. “Oh fuck, gonna cum too” he says. Barely able to make it out through your moans you exclaim “Don’t pull out, on the pill.” Which is all he needs hear as he fills your hole with his cum and ears with his moans. “God, I love you so much” he says still pumping you full. “I love you too, Junie.”

Pulling himself out, he stares down at your ruined cunt, dripping his cum out. Suddenly he has his head in between your legs, cleaning up the mess he created, tongue digging out his cum from inside you. You moan out instantly at the sensation as he eats out most of his cum from your hole before leaving the rest in his mouth. Slowly he makes his way up to your face, resting his thumb on your chin before muttering out “Open.” To which you do, making him spit the rest of his cum into your mouth and kiss you harshly. Shoving his tongue in, he mixes his cum and your arousal with both of yours spit, before pulling away. You swallowing instantly after. “What was that for?” you ask. “I had to clean you up” he responds with a smirk. “Think it’s time I read your note?” you ask with a chuckle. “Read it whenever you like,” he says, “I gotta release my baby from their shackles right now.”

⋆‧̍̊ ·̊ ~⋆ ✦ ⋆~ ·̊ ‧̍̊ ‧̍̊ ·̊ ~⋆ ♡ ⋆~ ·̊ ‧̍̊ ‧̍̊ ·̊ ~⋆ ✦ ⋆~ ·̊ ‧̍̊⋆

[kickthecan-revolution]

The. Best. Holiday.

My sister made me an ornament with Peach’s paw print and we laughed so hard, I cried. He’s doing great, not so sure about the dog but everyone is obsessed with him and he seems happy. My sister’s place is like a cool art installation, so many places for him to play.

I’ve actually never been to my sisters before, I would fly out immediately after Christmas Eve. I’m so glad I changed my ticket to leave tonight. Christmas Eve at my brother’s was so fun, and then Christmas morning we went to my nieces house where we watched the little girls open presents. I am kind of obsessed with them. They are so cool and sweet and funny and they absolutely adore each other which is always so cute to see. I tried to stop by to see my parents but the place where they are in the cemetery is closed, so I might go today. 

The drive to Bellingham is about an hour and a half and I listen to Christmas music all the way up. We opened presents and then just hung out – I played with Peach a lot, which was so fun. My older niece has been struggling, and when the kids got back from seeing their dad, she closed herself off in her room and was in tears. You just never know with schizophrenia what’s going on - I can see the pain on my sister’s face just not knowing what to do. After a few minutes I went into her room and we talked for an hour. She asked me if she was the same person that I knew and loved before she got sick – I said that she was even more of who she is. That may be the little girl on the soccer team and who is the life of the party was only a part of her or maybe even a performative part of her, we don’t know, that the smart and brilliantly sensitive and intuitive little human I knew then, is even more focused for me now despite her suicide attempt and the awful scar on her neck as a result, and her diagnosis. That she’s so much more than that and maybe it’s time to forgive herself for both.  I talked about how hard it is to trust myself at times, and that my brain tells me if I make a decision, I’m going to hurt someone, I’m going to hurt the cats, someone’s going to end up dead and alone. I don’t have schizophrenia, but I do struggle with mental illness and some days. It’s very difficult to stay tethered to the world.

She ended up coming out of her room and went to a movie with everyone so maybe it helped? I hope so.

I said my goodbyes and started to head home when my sister called me after I driven 30 miles to tell me I left my purse there. So I had to drive all the way back, and was so tired at that point I pulled up to McDonald’s to get a Diet Coke and a hamburger cause I hadn’t eaten dinner and I got stuck in their line for over 30 minutes. the rain was coming down, hard and so much standing water on the freeway, it was pretty scary, but got home just fine and crashed like I have never crashed before, I meant to post descriptions on those pictures below, but I kept falling asleep. It was trying to hit publish.

I have a lot of people who love me here, and I’m able to feel it more this holiday than ever before.

Woke up this morning to the moon. My flight is not until 7 PM tonight so I’m just going to hang here, get a little Mexican food at my favorite place and take a walk on the beach.



I love all of you so much. I hope you are doing OK, and finding softness, love, healing and a little wonder.

[eddies-puppet]

Toughest, Bravest

(Eddie Munson x Reader)

Summary: Eddie being the supportive king I know he would be in the face of his love being diagnosed with a serious illness.

Word count: 800

Warnings: Serious angst and fluff! Reader diagnosed with cancer, talk of parents death.

This is super personal, really only sharing in case anyone is going through the same as me and needing some Eddie comfort. I’m having a really crappy time at the moment and struggle with expressing myself, so I make Y/N do it for me.

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I lay in bed, the sound of the rain pounding against the roof of the trailer, the thunder rolling in the distance.

I could hear Eddie moving around in the kitchen. He was a matter of feet from me, yet he’d never felt further away, the events of the day leaving me feeling alone in a way I’d never experienced before. What was the phrase, lonely in a crowded room?

Eddie and I had only been together for just under a year but we had already made so many plans for the rest of our lives together. Plans that now seemed impossible.

I swallowed down the lump that had returned in my throat, swiftly wiping away the tears falling from my tired eyes as I heard Eddie’s footsteps making their way up the hallway..

“I bought you some water,” Eddie said as he appeared in the doorway, a reluctant smile on his face. “You doing ok?”

I shrugged silently. I honestly wasn’t sure how to answer his question, the thoughts whipping fiercely around my head like the raindrops in the storm raging outside.

Eddie placed the glass on to the bedside cabinet before climbing in to bed beside me, laying on his side so he was facing me, his dark hair fanning out across the pillow. “Today’s been a lot, huh?” I smiled sadly, the nod of my head almost imperceivable. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Whatever’s going on in that head of yours,” he whispered, raising his hand and softly wiping away the fresh tears from my eyes. Tears that I hadn’t even felt fall.

“I guess I’m just… I don’t know,” I sighed frustratedly.

“Baby, you’re gonna be ok,” he tried to reassure me, laying his hand back against my arm. “It’s gonna take more than cancer to take YOU out.”

“I’m not scared of dying Eds, that’s not it. If the doctors say it’s curable, then I believe that.”

“Then what is it?” He asked me, the confusion evident in his dark eyes.

“The process, I guess. The treatments, the chemotherapy. Everything that comes with it. Do you wanna know the weirdest thing?” He nodded, the tips of his fingers gently tracing along the inside of my forearm. “I was so scared about the genetics tests, but when she said they were positive, I just felt… I don’t know. Relieved? After my parents both died of cancer, I spent so much time questioning whether I would end up with it, so I guess any answer, positive or negative, is an answer,” I rambled. “Fucking genes. Twenty five thousand in the human body and I inherit the one that wants to kill me,” I chuckled, the frustration and bitterness barely concealed.

“Sweetheart, I can’t pretend to know how you’re feeling, but I do know one thing.” His hand moved back to my face, his thumb tenderly stroking my cheek. “You’re gonna kick this fucker’s ass. Not just for you, but for your parents too. Do you know HOW I know?” He smiled adoringly when I shook my head. “Because you, Y/N Y/L/N, are the toughest, bravest, badass-iest person I’ve ever met. You’re gonna beat this, and I’m gonna be right beside you the whole time. Every step. I promise.”

“Eddie, I can’t let you promise that. It’s too much to ask of you,” I cried softly, lowering my eyes. “You didn’t sign up for this.”

“Hey, you listen to me,” he said forcefully, his hand grasping my chin and lifting my eyes back to his. “I ‘signed up’ for you. Whatever that looks like. Baby, I love you. So fucking much. I’m going nowhere,” he insisted.

“I’m scared I’m not going to be me anymore,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “Like, what if I lose my hair?”

“Then you’ll be the hottest bald chick Hawkins has ever seen,” Eddie grinned. “If it worries you that much, I will go back to my buzz cut days and we can be bald together.” In spite of the ache in my heart, I laughed for the first time in what felt like forever.

I reached out to him, running my fingers through his dark curls.

“Don’t you dare,” I threatened with a smile.

“Ok, then I’ll buy you a bandana. You’ll be like a badass, sexy-as-fuck pirate,” he teased as he slipped his arms around my waist, pulling me tight against him, my body melting against him. I gazed into his eyes, searching for the fear, the doubt. But all I found was softness. Love.

“I love you, you know that?” I whispered, and he grinned cheekily.

“Who wouldn’t,” he winked, leaning closer until his soft lips met mine tenderly. He moaned contentedly, placing a small kiss to my forehead as I snuggled into his neck, relishing the warmth of his embrace. “Get some sleep baby,” he whispered softly. “I love you.” I smiled, my body relaxing into his.

“I love you too,” I told him as my eyes drifted closed. “Also, just so you know, badass-iest isn’t a word,” I giggled.

“It is now,” he laughed tiredly. “Now shush, go to sleep.”