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tomboyneedshercoffee · 4 years

Text

Lovedust Pt.6 || Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Summary: Y/N finds out more about how the lovedust works and it leads to her realizing her biggest fears about Peter if he’s cured.

Word Count: 4.2k

Author’s Note: There’s a lot going on right now but thank you guys for being so incredibly kind and patient with me. Shit is going to hit the fan real soon with Lovedust so stay tuned! ALSO Don’t forget to leave comments if you guys liked it or hey even if you hated it! ALSO ALSO My taglist is getting pretty big and hectic so if I missed yours, I am VERY sorry pls just message me again so I can add you asap!

Warnings: Mild language, mentions of death and nightmares, slowburn

part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six ||

part seven || part eight || epilogue

As your eyes fluttered open, you gave yourself a minute to adjust to the sound of rain hitting against your bedroom window. You closed your eyes as you inhaled deeply, your arm instinctively reached beside you to touch Peter, only to find that side of the bed empty.

You opened your eyes again and slowly raised yourself up to turn to see that your prediction was correct and that he wasn’t next to you. You knew it wasn’t a dream, you distinctively remembered him holding you as you fell asleep but you guessed he might’ve left soon after.

The memories of last night rushed through your head as you felt your heart drop slightly and already, you felt empty so early in the morning. You remembered everything about the nightmare but more importantly, you remembered Peter cradling you like a child as you cried in his arms.

You couldn’t wrap your head around a single feeling to describe the thoughts in your mind. As every day passed, Peter was showing you more and more how much he truly cared for you, and the thought of him not being able to keep the same energy once he was cured terrified you.

You loved this new Peter and how kind and compassionate he was around you. It was annoying at first dealing with the cringey pick up lines and weird comments about the two of you getting married but now that you realized there was more to those side effects, you found him even more endearing.

It was the small things like how he sacrificed the right side of his body so that you could fit under the umbrella perfectly or how he would willingly sit through a horror movie for you even though you both knew how much he hated them.

You even saw a change in yourself and how you treated him. The other day, you two sat side by side on the couch and shared headphones while listening to the playlist you made for him or when you would tell him a dumb joke just so you could hear him laugh.

It was selfish to hang onto the idea that Peter would always be this kind to you but you rather savored the moments you two had together since you knew better to know that nothing in life was guaranteed.

You felt embarrassed that he had seen you so vulnerable, especially since Peter didn’t know what happened to your parents and now, you felt like you owed him an explanation. You looked back at your clock and sighed once you saw that you had already missed the beginning half of school, you thought screw it, you were taking a mental health day.

“ Is it senior skip day or something?” You looked up to see your dad standing in your doorway with his arms crossed over his chest in a scolding manner but once he saw your dazed expression, he dropped the act,” Y/N? Is everything okay?”

You could feel your throat tighten as you shook your head, refusing to cry again.

“ Nightmare,” You swallowed to stop yourself from letting anymore sobs from coming out of your mouth as Tony sat next to you and put his hand on your shoulder.

“ I know kid, I know,” Tony brought you closer to him as you hugged him tightly.

You had told Tony about your nightmares but he was already well aware on what happened with your parents. You were still pretty young when your parents had passed and you’ve lived most of your life with Tony as a parent but that didn’t mean you weren’t traumatized over what happened years ago.

Tony had not only given you a good home and had locked down your future, but he was always there to listen and offer help, whether it was from himself or health experts.

“ It was Peter this time,” You said softly as you felt your dad hug you even tighter,” I don’t know why but he was in the nightmare and he-he tried to hurt me...I feel so guilty, I don’t know why he was there but my brain just made him you know?”

“ That’s not something you can control Y/N, remember what I said, your brain just picks up on different people-unless he did something. Did he do something to you? Cause I swear-”

“ No, no Dad it was the opposite,” You sighed as you pulled away and bit the inside of your cheek,” I know you told me not to hang out with Peter but...we’ve been getting closer and I think I...I don’t know. All I know was that when he comforted me after my nightmare, I felt the safest I’ve been in a long time….Things are different now. I don’t know what I could say to convince you but please don’t get mad.”

You looked down at your bedsheets to avoid his gaze and you weren’t sure if he was burning a stern glare at the back of your head or not.

“ I’m not mad about Peter, I already knew you were seeing him behind my back anyway and I should’ve known you two would’ve pulled some Romeo and Juliet bullcrap. Anyway- You’re strong enough to look after yourself, hell stronger than some of these people living here and if I may speak candidly, I know you could kick his ass if he ever crossed a line,” Your dad said as you let out a small chuckle,” I want you to be safe and happy. I would prefer you feel that way without a boy in the mix but I won’t yuck your yum.”

You wrinkled your nose but you couldn’t help but smirk,” Do you think I’m strong enough to become an Avenger?”

“ You already are,” Your dad smiled as you inhaled deeply,” but before we get too mushy, I did actually want to talk to you about the other day, you know, about Peter’s health.”

You sat up straighter in your seat as you nodded attentively at him before he continued.

“ It’s really important that you keep this between you, me and Banner, okay? I’m gonna use some big words so keep up,” You nodded again as you felt your heart beat rapidly against your chest,” you already know this but the lovedust activates a huge amount of serotonin in the body and sometimes that can lead to some major health problems. Well, with every day that passes, he runs the risk of having a ventricular tachycardia and that’s what explained how he collapsed the other day-”

“ Hold on, he collapsed? And did you say a ventricular tachycardia? Like a heartattack?” You asked as you felt your own heart stop for a moment as your dad gave you a confused expression,” So you’re telling me the lovedust could kill him? When did this happen?”

Your dad inhaled sharply as he swallowed hard,” Yesterday afternoon. We were done running tests and Banner noticed a car pull up and I said it was your friend John-”

“Josh.”

“ Yeah sure. Then we heard a loud thud and Peter just dropped. He just fainted but still, it’s a sign that things are getting worse,” Your dad said as you felt your heart completely shatter.

You felt like it was all of your fault. Even though Peter just fainted, he could’ve hit his head and died right there and you couldn’t stop yourself from filling your head with more terrible thoughts.

“ Oh my god, I never thought things would get this bad,” You said as you rested your forehead in the palm of your hands, trying to keep a consistent stream of thoughts but each idea made you think of Peter getting hurt,” and there’s still not a cure? What have you guys even figured out so far-it’s been almost a week!”

You knew your dad was trying his best but all you wanted was for Peter to get better and it didn’t help that time was against everyone. Peter could suffer a heartattack at any time of day and it didn’t make you feel better than nothing was being solved.

“ Well we have a pretty strong theory about what caused the lovedust if you’re up for hearing it,” Your dad suggested as you hesitantly nodded.

“ Our main theory is that the lovedust is effective when the patient- Peter- makes contact with the variable-you- and since you were the first person he saw, it activated his serotonin output. So it could’ve been anyone and Peter would’ve had the same reaction,” Tony said and it was so silent for a minute that you could hear a pin drop,” why is your face pale?”

You didn’t know how much you didn’t want to hear that theory until this very moment. You weren’t even sure why you could feel your throat close up again but this news made you sink back onto your bed.

Peter really didn’t mean anything he was saying. After all those late night talks about how in love with you he was, those were all just side effects. Those were never his thoughts. He never really loved you.

“ Oh...that’s good I guess,” You said quietly as Tony’s pager buzzed. You could tell Tony wanted to stay and talk to you but when he looked down at the notification, it seemed pretty urgent,” you can go, I’m just gonna stay here for a little bit.”

“ We’ll talk later, okay kiddo?” Tony patted your knee and walked past your bed, closing your bedroom door behind him.

You stared up at your bedroom ceiling as you thought about what your dad said. Peter’s condition was getting worst but now, at least they figured out something that could help them along the way. If they could figure out the properties of the lovedust than that means they could reverse it and find a cure.

What if you didn’t want them to find a cure?

You almost talked yourself out of your thought and called yourself a selfish idiot in the process, the goal was for them to help Peter. This could help Peter, you reminded yourself as you got up from your bed to get dressed.

You weren’t sure where you wanted to go but you thought that your mental health day could carry on to the outside world.

Mad....why were you mad?

You had no reason to be so upset and you kept reminding yourself as the elevator went down to the garage. You aggressively pressed the button to unlock your car and once you sat down in the driver’s seat, you started your car and backed out of the garage.

It was pouring outside and while you hated driving in the rain, you just had to leave to clear your head.

Why were you upset?

Maybe because for once in your life, you felt special.

You stopped on the brakes and you could feel your heart sink into your chest as the rain hit against your windshield.

You shook your head slowly before you slapped your hands against your steering wheel hard.

Was it awful that you loved the attention you were getting and maybe, just maybe, you were starting to see Peter differently?

You slammed your firsts against the wheel again and again as you let out a frustrated grunt through your gritted teeth.

You were mad that Peter could die. You were mad that there wasn’t a cure. You were mad that the lovedust had ruined your life. You were content without Peter meddling in your life but now that he had left such an impression, all you wanted to do was make sure he stayed as true to himself as he was now.

You couldn’t expect that from him. You couldn’t expect that once he was cured, he would act back to his regular douchebag self but anything was possible, he didn’t owe you anything.

You taunted yourself as you tried to snap out of whatever this hellish tantrum you were throwing.

Why would you be upset over a guy who had fake feelings for you all this time?

It wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t your fault either.

Anyone. It could have been anyone. It could’ve been a sockpuppet and Peter would’ve probably tried marrying the damn thing.

You snapped your head over to the passenger side of the door once you heard a hard tap come from the window. Once you saw it was Peter, you turned to face the front and unlocked the door without looking back at him.

He opened the door and sat down beside you in the passenger seat without saying anything. He was soaking wet from head to toe and while you were annoyed he was getting the inside of your car wet, you had more important things to focus on.

It was too quiet for your liking but there wasn’t anything you wanted to say to him. Frankly, you weren’t sure why you even let him in.

“ How did you sleep?” Peter asked quietly as he tested the waters.

It was clear that you were in some type of mood but Peter never knew how to approach situations like this, especially since he didn’t know why you were so upset.

“ I slept fine, you?”

“ Good I guess,” Peter shrugged as he shifted awkwardly in his seat,” are you okay? Are you upset about what happened last night-”

“ No,” You said truthfully as you leaned your head back against the headrest,” I mean, yes, I’m okay but no I’m not upset about last night.”

“ Well something is clearly bothering you and I just want to help. You know you can tell me anything, I mean it Y/N, we’re friends now. We shouldn’t be hiding things from each other,” Peter said as you let out a dry laugh.

You knew you couldn’t reveal everything to Peter about what your dad had told you but it didn’t stop you from feeling angry.

“ Okay, you want to be honest, lets be honest. When were you going to tell me that you collapsed at the lab?” You asked as you turned your whole body to face him,” my dad told me this morning.”

Peter inhaled deeply but looked you straight in the eye,” I was going to tell you... eventually. It’s not like I had time to really sit down with you, I know you’re going through a lot right now and I didn’t want to stress you out. Besides, I feel fine now, it’s not a big deal.”

It was a big deal, he could die. That’s what you wanted to tell him. His life was at stake and yet you were keeping this big secret from him. It was hypocritical and wrong and if anyone else had told you, you would’ve revealed to Peter about his worsening condition.

But it was your dad who told you to keep things a secret for now and you just had to trust him for both of your sakes.

You looked at him for a moment as you studied his face while he did the same to you. It was as if you both had so much on your mind yet no one wanted to be the first one to detonate the bomb.

“ I’m just so tired Peter. I’m tired of having conflicted feelings on whether or not this lovedust has been creating more problems than solving them… Whatever this is between us, I like it a lot but I hate feeling so pathetic to the point where I actually enjoy the feeling of having a guy give me attention only because of some space shit,” You turned your attention back to the steering wheel,” How do we carry on with our lives once you’re cured? What’s stopping you from being a complete asshole to me like before?”

“ I told you, nothing has to change. No matter what happens, we’ll always be in each other’s lives as friends or something more. I would never treat you the way I did in the past, I swear on my life.”

Peter could feel the energy in the car shift right as he finished speaking but there was nothing he could do to change the course of the conversation. The path had already been set and now, he just had to strap in and hope he could hang on.

“ How am I supposed to believe that? How do I know anything you’re saying is true? Everything this lovedust has been built on is a lie, you don’t love me Peter. It’s a fucking chemical reaction that is messing with your body,” You snapped loudly but Peter hardly flinched,” your mind and body has been corrupted by a parasite. You say you love me but if you take the lovedust away, you don’t. It’s that simple.”

“ Just because it’s a chemical reaction doesn’t mean that the way I’m feeling is a lie. I spend so many nights thinking about you and how happy you make me so for you to say that I don’t actually love you-”

“ Are you listening to yourself? You love me because of the dust, why is that so hard for you to understand? Love is supposed to be natural, this is not natural! If the way you’re feeling isn’t a lie, look me in the eye right now and tell me, did you love me before the lovedust?” You asked as you turned back to face him,” tell me the honest truth, did you love me?”

Peter felt like his body was burning up in the worst possible way and his throat felt dry as he thought carefully. It was so hard for him to see how terrible he was in the past because of the lovedust, all he could think when he saw you was just utter love.

You were visibly hurt, even if you were shouting at him he could read you like a book and there was something that he knew was there but he just couldn’t figure out what it was. It felt like some sort of test that Peter had to decipher; he didn’t have all of the pieces of the puzzle so how was he supposed to get the full picture?

“ I don’t...no. No I didn’t,” Peter said softly as you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding,” but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care about you.”

There it was, the million-dollar answer to the million-dollar question. Of course he didn’t love you, he had tormented you for years. Your dad’s “theory” was right, the lovedust didn’t matter if he had loved you beforehand. It could’ve been anyone.

So even if you might’ve known all along, why did it hurt and why were you upset?

“ Stop lying to me. You never cared about me, you loved humiliating me,” You said in a shaky breath,” you loved seeing me cry and you loved it when I got mad. I could see it all across your face, you loved making me absolutely miserable. So you can say you love me all you want now, but I know the truth. You don’t understand, this lovedust is ruining me, Peter. Do you know how painful it is to be tormented for years and all of a sudden, the same person is now in love with you just like that?”

“ Ruining you? You didn’t touch the damn thing! And you want to talk about pain-Do you know how painful it is to love you?” Peter shouted as he felt his voice crack,” If I’m not near you, I feel like I’m going to die but when I’m around you, my chest feels like it’s going to burst open and it’s painful. I’m in pain right when I wake up in the morning to right before I go to sleep everyday because the mere thought of you drives me insane-”

“ I didn’t ask for you to love me-”

“ I didn’t ask to love you either!” Peter shouted back louder, this time to make sure you would stop interrupting him,” My body feels weak all the time, I’m fucking falling apart because I love you so much. So don’t tell me that I’m lying about loving you because that’s all I feel when I look at you. Even when I’m pissed off I still love you but if you think for one second I’m going to sit here and let you attack me for my past that I have already apologized for, then I don’t want to hear it.”

Peter gave you one last look before getting out of your car and straight into the rain. Peter slammed the car door behind him so hard to where the door completely fell off the hinges but Peter was so angry that he kept walking away.

“ You fucking...ugh!” You screamed as you got out of your car and followed behind him.

You were completely livid, you both were being unfair but just because he was going through a different type of pain than you didn’t mean yours hurt any less.

You shouted after Peter but the rain was so loud to the point where you considered that maybe he just couldn’t hear you. You sped up your pace to the point where you almost slipped against the concrete.

“ You don’t get to tell me that I can’t be mad at the past Peter when it’s only been a week since you got infected!” You yelled as you grabbed Peter’s arm to stop him from walking away from you,” Just because you apologized doesn’t mean I can let it go so easily. For years, you made me feel like I would be alone for the rest of my life because no one would ever love me!”

Peter whipped his head back around to face you as you kept a strong grip around his wrist,“ And I’m telling you now that I love you and I was a fucking idiot for hurting you. Jesus Y/N I am sorry but we’ve had this conversation before so why are you mad at me?”

All you could focus on were his eyes, which were darting back and fourth across your face as if he was pleading with you. You had pushed him across the line so many times but now, Peter was pushing back because he just needed a clear answer.

You both were tired of yelling and fighting and in this moment, Peter was so close to tearing down the walls you had set up for years to keep yourself safe against him. It was eating away at you because deep down, you knew why you were mad at him, you just didn’t know if you could bring yourself to let it slip out of your mouth.

The rain sounded muffled and all you could think about was how cold you were feeling. You were somewhat forcing yourself to focus on anything other than Peter but you were trapped in his desperate gaze.

You felt your breath hitch as you could feel yourself getting choked up,” I’m mad...I’m mad because the way you feel about me right now, it’s fleeting... it’s temporary. One day when you’re cured, you’re going to stop loving me and that terrifies me.”

Peter squeezed your hand and you didn’t even realize that while you were talking, the grip you had around his wrist had moved to interlock your fingers with his. You could feel your chest tighten as you moved your eyes down to your hands and you slowly moved your gaze to meet Peter’s.

“ Why does it terrify you?” Peter asked softly and now it was your turn to plead with him using your eyes as if you were saying please don’t make me say it.

Maybe a part of Peter knew that you wouldn’t admit that maybe, there was something developing between the two of you that you just couldn’t bring yourself to admit. But Peter knew you well and even as he read you like a book, he wanted to hear it for himself.

“ I’m terrified because…” You almost said it as a whisper and even Peter was having a hard time hearing you because his heart was beating so loudly,” because I…”

You swallowed hard as you looked down at his lips and even if it was just for a second, Peter caught you staring. Peter felt his knees weaken and he was seconds away from just pulling you into his arms but it was your move.

Peter had given you all the power and while a part of him felt relieved, it didn’t stop him from reaching up and tucking a strand of wet hair behind your ear. This was the moment he had been waiting for.

He had given you all of the puzzle pieces you needed except he saved the last one just for you. He wanted you to put the last piece in so that way you two could step back together and admire all of the hard work you put into it.

You would’ve. You were going to let him know everything and unravel in his arms because finally, you could let go.

You wanted nothing more than to pick up that stupid puzzle piece and slam it into the puzzle to show him you were serious. You were going to let your walls crumble down and for once, you were going to be fearless.

But you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“ I can’t,” You said softly as you let go of Peter’s hand and practically rushed back towards the building, leaving Peter alone in the rain.

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iraacundus · 4 years

Text

International Relations

arrangedmarriage!hendery

genre: fluff, angst, smut words: 21k Warnings: sexual content; mentions of terrorism, death and injury; swearing

he was the president’s son, you were the ambassador’s daughter, forced into a marriage, the success of which, world peace quite literally hinged on

********

The news was unavoidable, every night it got worse and worse, your parents had advised you not to watch it, but you never listened. The tensions between the two countries had been rising for years and though they did their best to cover it up, those in the know, like your father, knew that you were on the brink of war.

“The proposed trade deal and boarder agreement between the two nations has fallen through,” said the newsreader who looked as calm as ever despite the potentially terrifying consequences of what she was saying.

You heard a knock at your door, so you fell leaned back on your bed, switching the TV off.

“Come in,” you called out, the door opening to reveal your father. You didn’t see him often, though you both lived in the same house, he had always been busy as ambassador to a county that your whole nation hated. So, when you saw him walk in, you knew it was important.

“I guess you have seen the news,” he said, spotting the remote that was still in your hand.

“We’re in serious danger, aren’t we?” you asked, but it wasn’t really a question, you knew the answer before you had asked.

Your father didn’t reply, he just sat down slowly on your desk chair, exhaling slightly.

“Your bodyguards will need to accompany you at all times now, even to university.” He said. It was your turn to sigh. It wasn’t that you disliked your bodyguards, or that you weren’t used to them, but university had always been a place you had a bit of freedom, without being watched all the time.

You didn’t argue though, you understood the gravity of the situation.

“I’m working on a solution, I think the issue can be resolved…” he cut himself off, looking more distressed than usual, “Just… I need you to meet me tomorrow afternoon in the Embassy Dining Room.” He said getting up again.

You wanted to ask why, but you also didn’t want to trouble him, he looked exhausted. The Dining Room was only used for official matters so the mere mention of it had inspired your curiosity, but you knew the situation wasn’t really about you, so you kept your mouth shut. A few minutes after he had left you put your slippers on and crept outside the door.

You had four bodyguards in total, two for the nightshift and two for the day, sadly your favourite mostly worked at night, so you rarely got to chat, but that night you took it upon yourself to go annoy him.

Jeno was by far your best bodyguard, all of them were the same age as you so they didn’t stand out in a crowd and so over the last few years Jeno had also become your close friend.

You found him standing just outside your door drinking milk tea, sometimes you couldn’t believe what his job was the way he acted.

“Hello bestie,” you called out to him, Jeno smiled when he saw you.

“Hello y/n,” he greeted back, “how are you this evening?”

It was always nice to talk to Jeno, not just because he was your friend but your bodyguards were the only people you knew except your family who were from your country, spoke your language, in every other aspect of your life you had to speak the language of a nation you resented.

“Stressed out, I think we are about this close to war,” you joked, putting your fingers as close together as possible while still leaving a gap. Jeno already knew this of course, while he was your bodyguard, he was also technically a member of the army, an important member at that.

He had joined at 16 and was so impressive he was almost immediately assigned to you.

“It will be fine,” he reassured, “Your Dad is a smart man, he will have a plan.”

“That’s what I’m stressed about,” you explained further, “he says I have to meet him tomorrow in the Dining Room, which has to be part of his plan,”

“Maybe you will get to meet the President,” Jeno laughed, you threw a mint at him.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I think the President hates us all enough to just shoot us on site,”

“That would really cause a war,” Jeno said, throwing the mint back at you, but you managed to catch it in your mouth, “Impressive,” he commented.

“It also means I have to have Chenle and Jaemin follow me around all day which I just don’t think I can take, are you sure you can’t switch to the day shift?”

Jeno shook his head, you stopped him before he could start his spiel of how he was the best out of all of them and you were statistically more likely to be targeted at night and so that’s when he was on duty, he told you this almost every day when you asked him to switch shifts.

“Just don’t say it,” you warned.

“But I am the best,” Jeno said proudly.

“I take it back I’m happy to have the other two,”

Jeno pouted,

“So much for bestie.”

You couldn’t help but smile, Jeno had managed to do exactly what you knew he would, make you smile, and forget about the impending doom of a war your country couldn’t win.

You talked with him a while more but when your brother came out and told you to,

“stop being annoying losers and go to bed,” - he was twelve - you went back into your room and turned the tv on again.

They were showing an interview with Hendery from earlier in the day. Hendery was the son of the President and you wondered how someone who seemed so nice could be the son of someone so evil.

He was sitting opposite the interviewer talking about how he hopes to start a project with his friends to help disadvantaged children and when they asked about the current international tensions, he said that he hoped a peaceful resolution could be reached.

You scoffed slightly at that; he should tell that to his father.

You had spent half your life on TV wondering what Hendery was like in real life, it was a weird obsession that Jeno regularly made fun of you for.

You just couldn’t figure out how much of his persona on TV was an act, how someone in such a strict family really lived, who were his friends, what did he do for fun. You had to think that like you, he had led a relatively isolated life.

If there had been one person you could have invited to your fantasy dinner party, it would have been Hendery. Chenle always picked Stephen Curry. It would have been a weird fantasy dinner party.

You had actually seen Hendery a few times in real life, you both attended the most prestigious university in the country, and he was only a year older than you. He was always with the same two people, one was Lucas, son of an important politician, the other was his main bodyguard, well at least you assumed as much.

You had never seen him on the news, his name was never mentioned alongside Lucas and Hendery in magazines, you assumed that the state was blocking his personal information from the media, to hide that he was a bodyguard.

Hendery had real bodyguards as well, two or three always followed behind the trio, but something just didn’t add up about that third guy being a normal college student.

You switched the TV off once again when Jeno sent you a text making fun of you for watching the Hendery interview again, you must have had the volume up too loudly. You were worried and stressed but you had never been one to struggle sleeping, so when you turned the light off and pulled the duvet up to your chin you fell asleep almost immediately.

*******************

Chenle and Jaemin had followed you around all day at university as planned, luckily no one had tried to attack you, but the paparazzi had been there taking as many photos as they could.

“I hope they got some good pictures of me, I actually have quite the fanbase back home as the cute bodyguard,” Jaemin tried to brag as you hid in the student café as far away from any windows as possible.

“Your wrong,” Chenle objected, you were about to agree with him when Chenle continued, “I definitely have more fans.”

You banged your head against your textbook.

“I hate you both, I should have made Jeno come,” you said causing Jaemin to pout and Chenle to just laugh.

You were about to kick him when Jaemin nudged you.

“He’s here,” he said ominously,

“Who?” you asked, “Please let it be Jeno to save me from you losers.”

“No, Hendery and Co.”

You fell silent, noticing Jaemin was right. Hendery, Lucas and the guy you didn’t know had just walked in and sat down a few tables away. You forced yourself not to stare.

“Not only am I stuck with you two but I’m also being followed by the enemy.”

“I don’t think he’s following us,” Chenle said, ‘Probably he was just hungry.”

“No, he’s definitely staring at y/n,” Jaemin said,”maybe he found that she watches him on the news over and over again.”

This time you did kick Jaemin, causing him to shout slightly. All three of them were now definitely looking at you.

Luckily at that moment Hendery seemed to get a call so you whispered at the two boys to get up.

“It’s almost three o’clock, we need to go meet my dad,” you explained as you all half ran out of the dining hall, entering into a full run when the cameras spotted you.

You didn’t think three people could have reacted anymore suspiciously than you just had.

A car was waiting with the diplomatic flags to pick you up, Jaemin shoved you and Chenle into the backseat, before shutting the door and climbing in next to the driver. The car had shaded windows so you could finally relax.

“Who do you think is going to be waiting in the Dining Room?” Chenle asked you. You hadn’t told either of them exactly where you were meeting your dad, Jeno was such a gossip.

You pulled up at the Embassy only ten minutes later. Cameras were once again outside but none of them seemed interested in you when you got out of the car and walked up to the gate. You thought it was strange, but you also weren’t complaining.

The guards saluted as the opened the gate to let you in. You walked along the drive and around to the back entrance that led into your family’s part of the house. Your dad had texted for you to wear something semi-formal, so you pulled out one of your favourite flowery dresses, found a nice pair of low heels and slid a bracelet onto your wrist.

It was your lucky bracelet. Jeno had given it to you for your 18th Birthday, it was a traditional bracelet made in your home country. Apparently by an old lady had cast a spell on you that made it lucky, while you highly doubted it was true, you still wore it every time you were nervous, believing it would help you.

You heard a small knock at your door,

“Are you dressed?” You heard Jeno call out, you quickly opened your door to let him in. His face looked grey.

“I volunteered to go with you to the meeting, I figured you had dealt with enough of the other two for one day.”

“But you were on duty last night, aren’t you tired, I’m sure Renjun could do it,” he was your fourth bodyguard.

“It’s okay, I slept all day and also I know you are nervous, so I wanted to be able to support you, even if it is silently from two meters away.”

You smiled, giving him a small hug before leaving the room and heading towards the dining room. Jeno seemed more nervous than you, you guessed your father had told him what was going on in advance. You could have asked Jeno, but you almost didn’t want to know.

You fidgeted outside the door, procrastinating your entrance. Jeno put his hand on your shoulder lightly.

“You look great y/n, and you do well at everything, it will be fine.” He said.

When you opened the door to the Dining Room you almost fell over. You had no idea what you had expected but to see the President, his wife and Hendery, sitting across the table from your own parents was a shock.

You glanced back at Jeno who gave you his best attempt at a reassuring smile.

“Y/n,” your father called out, motioning for you to come and sit in the empty chair in between him and your mother, opposite Hendery. You don’t know who you were more scared to see, the evil President or Hendery. Hendery wasn’t smiling like he always did on TV, like always seemed to be with Lucas. A frown was firmly settled on his lips and he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there.

You sat down carefully in the chair after bowing your head in respect towards the President. Because he wasn’t a normal president, he had been elected once but that was a long time ago, he hadn’t held an election in twenty years, as long as you had been alive, so to you he wasn’t a president but a dictator.

Unlike Hendery, the President smiled at you, his smile seemed genuine unlike the slightly forced smile on both his wife and your parents’ faces.

“It’s lovely to meet you, y/n,” The President said, offering his hand out to shake, his grip firm and unwavering, “This is my wife and my son Hendery, I’m sure you’ve probably seen him around at university.”

You smiled the best you could,

“Yes, I’ve heard he’s quite popular,” you said, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye, his mouth still resting in a firm line.

The President laughed. An intern came in and poured some tea before anyone continued speaking.

“The ambassador and I are both worried about how the tensions between our two countries are developing. We have been unable to find a traditional solution, yet we seem to have found an agreement that will solve the animosity so that eventually trade deals and boarder disputes can be settled.” He began.

You noticed Hendery hadn’t drunk any of the tea but was gripping the handle tightly, as sinking feeling arose in your chest as you began to guess what was going to be suggested, you were an intelligent person.

“It would require a large sacrifice on both your and my son’s behalf and to that extent we both know we cannot force you to agree but warn you of the consequences of this agreement failing.”

You tried to drink your tea as calmly as possible.

“Neither of us would suggest this if we felt there was a better option your father added.” They were both avoiding the main point.

“Marriage,” Hendery said all of a sudden, “That’s what they are trying to suggest.”

You knew what they were suggesting but the fact Hendery said it out loud almost caused you to choke on your tea.

“Yes,” the President continued, “as my son not so eloquently put, we feel that a union between the two countries would help people from both sides understand each other better through supporting a couple. We will pose it as if you had both met at university and fell in love naturally and we hope it means people will learn to love you, it might not work straight away but we hope it can win over the hearts of those who oppose on both sides eventually.”

You swallowed. It wasn’t like you had someone else you wanted to marry, you had never had a crush, you figured you would never be able to marry for love anyway, however you hadn’t banked on Hendery, on marrying into a family you resented so greatly.

“Hendery has already agreed but of course you do have a choice, I’m not in the business of making people do things they do not wish,” He said. You had to stop yourself from snorting with laughter.

He was blackmailing you into marriage with the threat of war, so his statement was just rather ironic, especially as blackmail was how he maintained power in more aspects of his life than not.

“Anything to ensure peace,” you said graciously. The President clapped his hands together with a grin.

“I knew you were a smart woman,” He said. You father breathed out a visible sigh of relief, you were offended he ever thought you would let your country down.

“We won’t announce the engagement right away, we will give you both some time to get to know each other, sometime to back away, in a month or so, if you are still both willing, we will hold a gala to announce the engagement, by then we will need you to have come up with a water-tight backstory, I can get someone to help create it if you wish, but all this can be discussed later.”

Another intern came in seconds later to inform the President and my father of urgent business for them both, causing them to both give their apologies and leave quickly.

You were left with Hendery, your mother and your future mother in law. Your mothers began to chat, both gushing about planning a wedding. It wasn’t that they were insensitive, they just both wanted to make the best out of a bad situation, you could tell from their earlier faces that they both worried for you.

Hendery’s eyes remained fixed on the tea, glaring at the cooling liquid.

You had never wanted to ask him a question more than right now. But you were scared, it wasn’t that you were afraid of Hendery in general, but you didn’t want to upset him. He was clearly nervous, playing with his fingernails.

You didn’t know why you felt so calm in comparison, you didn’t think Hendery could have had plans to marry for love, like you he must have always known he would marry for politics.

Yet something seemed to scare him. You had more reason to be scared, you were joining his family as his family was more powerful, you would have to live in his country as part of a dictatorship, but he seemed more scared.

“Too shy to even talk to each other, how cute,” your mum cooed. You wanted to throw a pen at her, you were starting to think you were a slightly violent person.

“We will fix that soon enough, why don’t you both come over on Saturday and we can talk for longer, so they can get to know each other better.” His mother suggested.

Yes, because all best conversations between fiancés happen in front of their mothers, you wanted to say to Jeno, but you had to pretend he wasn’t there, that was his job.

A few minutes later your mothers had exchanged phone numbers and were getting up to leave. You thought Hendery would at least acknowledge you, but he seemed to not even see you when he stood up to leave. You followed him out to the entryway, you could tell the mothers had tactically waited behind a few seconds.

“My name’s y/n,” you said to him loudly enough that he had to look over at you. He nodded.

“I know my father said, and also I have seen you at Uni, you were in the café today, you kicked your bodyguard and ran out,” he said.

You blushed red, cursing your violent nature, you were going to marry the son of an evil dictator who had only ever seen you act strangely. You must have committed so many sins in your past life.

“I’m Hendery,” he said, still not smiling.

“I think we both know I know who you are.” Your statement sounded slightly more accusatory than you had meant, but I didn’t seem to make Hendery seem anymore unhappy than he already was.

Neither of you said anything further in the two awkward minutes it took for your mothers to finally emerge.

“It was lovely to meet you,” His mother said wrapping her arms around you, far more personal contact than you had hoped for, but you understood she was just trying to be nice.

“You too,” you said with a grin, hoping you didn’t come across as disingenuous. The guard at the door opened the door for them to leave. Before Hendery did, he turned to give you a small smile,

“See you soon y/n,” he said. Before walking out towards all the flashing lights of the media storm that hat gathered.

You were not sure whether he had been nice to you for the sake of his mother or if he had just felt obliged but you were grateful nonetheless as it had made the whole experience seem less dire and it also had allowed your mother to smile from relief.

“He doesn’t seem too bad,” she said.

“He’s better than a war,” you replied before excusing yourself in the name of homework but really your aim was to get some peace and quiet.

You started walking up to the roof, Jeno close behind, you were waiting for him to shout at you and tell you that it was easy for you to be shot from the roof like he usually did but the words never came.

Even as you lifted yourself off the ladder Jeno said nothing he just came up and sat beside you, having texted Jaemin, Renjun and Chenle who also appeared moments later.

“You don’t get to marry evil Hendery that you’re obsessed with that’s not fair,” Jaemin whined as he sat down next to you, “you were meant to marry me.”

You shot him a confused look,

“In what world was I marrying you, if I was going to marry any of you it would be Jeno, but I would never because we are quintuplets.” You say to him to which he just sticks his tongue out.

“Chenle’s only like three years old,” Renjun protests. You laugh sadly.

“I will miss you all,” you said.

“Absolutely not,” Jeno replied, “we are not doing sad hours tonight.”

“What are we doing then?” asked Chenle while simultaneously fighting Renjun for calling him three years old.

“We will find me an outfit to wear for Saturday so that I’m so gorgeous it knocks Hendery out and I don’t have to talk to him, and he also forgets our weird café behaviour.” You said.

“Weirdly specific but okay,” Jaemin replied. The other three sighed, all of the boys hated outfit time, not because they were against fashion, but because you were so indecisive.

*******************

They may have complained but it worked, by the time you turned up at the front door of the Presidential House on Saturday you looked drop dead gorgeous. Your mother and Jeno had come with you and you all stood just behind the door waiting for it to open.

You were ushered through a series of rooms and up some stairs until you reached a bright sunny sitting room on the third floor. Inside Hendery’s mother was pouring some tea there was, however, no sign of Hendery himself.

She rushed over to great you, making sure you sat down, passing out cakes.

“I am sorry,” she said, “I told him to be ready for eleven.”

Just at that moment Hendery entered, wearing a suit, something he rarely did. You hated to admit how attractive he looked; you didn’t want Jeno to be right about your obsession.

He was followed by the third guy, the one who wasn’t Lucas. You had been right; he must have been a bodyguard as he went and stood next to Jeno.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Hendery interjected, “My suit wasn’t dry,” he explained, his face flustered. At least that humanised him somewhat, you could live with Hendery, you just had to believe he was a real person deep down somewhere.

He sat down on a chair across from you just like before, yet this time his eyes stared right at you.

“So, what do you study?” Hendery’s mother asked you, trying to get the conversation started.

You pushed a smile onto your face.

“Modern Languages and International Politics” you replied. You liked to think you were an impressive person, at least in some respects. You could speak four languages fluently and were learning two more at university. You knew almost as much about world affairs as your parents and your mother had always taught you excellent manners.

“You could study with Hendery,” she suggested, “he studies International Politics and History,” she said, after he didn’t offer up the information himself. You saw her try to nudge him and had to hold back a giggle.

“We certainly could, that would be lovely,” you said, looking Hendery dead in the eyes, daring him to stay silent. You couldn’t marry someone who didn’t speak to you, “What do you do for fun?” you asked him.

“I like playing basketball and watching films,” he said. His voice was cold, it may have dissuaded anyone else, but you refused to give up.

“Ah maybe you could teach me how to play, one of my bodyguards loves basketball and has tried his best to teach me but I’m a failure at it, I prefer tennis if I’m honest.”

Hendery didn’t reply.

“That’s great, I must challenge you to a match sometime y/n,” his mother replied, “that is if you don’t give up on marrying my son here, I do apologise he isn’t usually this… shy.”

You certainly didn’t believe being shy was his issue. You also didn’t understand what his issue was. He must have had a girlfriend you decided, made the mistake you never had and fallen in love with someone he could never marry.

But you were only guessing you had no idea.

“Don’t worry,” you replied, “Hendery isn’t bad enough to destroy international peace for.” A statement that caused both of your mothers to laugh somewhat nervously.

Hendery looked down and back up again.

“Sorry,” he said quietly, “I really just am a bit nervous.”

You were a bit sceptical of this excus, still you decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and take pity on him.

“Why?” you asked, “I don’t bite,”

Hendery laughed slightly, shaking his head.

“It’s not that, I just want to make a good impression I guess, you are my future wife and also…” he didn’t finish, “I’ll explain some other time,” he said, his eyes flicked to our mothers next to him.

He was right that it was hard to connect with four other people in the room, but the mothers particularly. Jeno you would have told later if he hadn’t been there, but the presence of parents made the meeting feel formal.

However, Hendery did seem to make more of an effort as the meeting continued. You learned that he likes cats and that his favourite colour was pink. Nothing ground-breaking, he still seemed like Hendery on TV, picture perfect and somewhat shallow. Not in the sense that he was self-obsessed but more that he was like a cartoon character 2-D. He lacked any sense of humanity or connection, he said all the right things, never saying anything particularly meaningful.

On reflection he probably thought the same about you.

You only saw Hendery once more properly in the following weeks. You were both busy with university and it was hard to find a time you could meet with your mother’s present, something they insisted on until you were both officially engaged.

Only three weeks after the marriage was first suggested Hendery asked his father if the marriage could be announced sooner rather than later, despite having a week left to decide. You guessed he partly did this to avoid any more awkward teatime chats with your mothers. The President rang you to ask if you were also okay with making a decision early, you agreed. Also, partly to avoid any more of those chats.

It was decided that your engagement would be announced two weeks later and a ball to celebrate would be held the night after that

Your last night of normality passed quickly, you went out to play mini golf with the four boys. You were usually only allowed out a few times a month to large places such as the crazy golf one, but your parents had let it slide seeing as you were a 20-year-old woman about to get engaged.

The next morning your alarm rang at five. You sat up, questioning whether you should take up Renjun on an offer he had given to smuggle you out of the country. If only world peace hadn’t been so important.

You kicked off your duvet in a mood and dragged yourself over to your dressing table. You didn’t have to get ready particularly, you had been assured state media would take care of hair and makeup, however you had still felt it was vital to at least brush your hair.

Ten minutes later Jeno arrived at your door with a McDonalds breakfast.

“Breakfast for M’lady,” he joked, kneeling down to pass it to you. From behind him you saw a girl’s head pop out from around the corner. You almost jumped backwards from shock. Jeno laughed.

“This is Chanmi,” he introduced, “she is your state provided assistant.”

“Why do you make it sound like communism Jeno,” she complained before jumping round him and holding her hand out for you to shake. She looked at her own hand and before you had a chance to shake it, she put it down and pulled you into a hug instead.

“I may work for you, but I also hope we become life-long friends,” she said. You appreciated that at least one person was excited for today.

“I’m y/n,” you smiled back, “I also hope we get on well.” You offered her a hash brown, but she refused.

“I already ate, I’m here to run through today’s schedule,” she pulled out a very large folder from her bag and opened it to the first page, “we have hair and make up at eight, wardrobe at nine and the announcement will be at around nine-thirty, but before that we have a rehearsal with Hendery, that’s why we are here so early.” Chanmi seemed to speak with out breathing.

Jeno looked down at his watch, five twenty-five.

“We need to go,” he said, “you can eat in the car.”

You grabbed your lucky bracelet from the side and clasped it round your wrist, there was no way you would have gone on television without it.

Jaemin, Chenle and Renjun stood at the door with your mother and little brother. They had gathered to wave you off even though you would be back home by the afternoon.

“I love you guys,” you managed to say half-way through eating your meal. Jeno continued hurrying you towards the car. You wanted to laugh how seriously he was suddenly taking his job, not that he had been messing around before, but he had never cared so much about being punctual.

He sat in the front so Chanmi could climb in next to you.

“Who is that good looking boy who was closest to the door?” she asked. Jaemin would have loved to hear her say that. But before you could tell her it was him; she had already carried on talking.

“You will meet with Hendery so you can both firm up your stories about your romance.” She explained.

“You know it’s fake?” you asked her.

“All key staff know, but not everyone who works in the Presidential House, so don’t mention it when other people are present,” she said. You nodded. You were starting to get nervous. It was not your first time on TV, you had filmed programmes for your home country about what it was like to study abroad and you had done work for the young ambassador’s programme run by Hendery’s country.

But this was… something else.

The drive was only ten minutes as usual, there was also no traffic in the morning, so you barely had time to contemplate your impending fate before arriving at the house.

Jeno and Chanmi ushered you out of the car and into the house, there was only one reporter waiting to hide you from, though you were surprised anyone had been there before six in the morning.

Hendery and his bodyguard, who Jeno had informed you was named Sicheng, were waiting for you just inside the door.

“Good morning,” you said as brightly as possible, taking another sip of your coffee, hoping it would help in some way. You were half expecting Hendery to change his mind at the sight of your tattered appearance before you remembered he wasn’t really marrying you for your beauty.

“Nice to see you again,” he replied, slightly less brightly. You all stood slightly awkwardly waiting for someone to lead the way.

“Why don’t we go somewhere to talk?” Chanmi prompted.

“Oh yes,” Hendery said, seeming to remember what was going on, “let’s go to the family dining room, I got someone to prepare some drinks and snacks.”

You felt a bit bad for standing there with your McDonalds coffee, there was worse crimes you could have committed than assuming he wouldn’t have provided food though you supposed.

You followed just behind Hendery with Chanmi as Sicheng fell back to walk with Jeno, both of them exchanging friendly glances. At least Jeno had made a friend.

The kitchen/dining room you entered looked somewhat normal compared to the rest of the house, though still elaborate and high class it was clearly somewhere a family lived, it much less resembled the home of a 16th century king.

Hendery seemed to notice your impression of the kitchen.

“A lot of the house is normal compared to the rest, it was remodelled for a modern family to live in, with proper central heating and all,” he joked, you politely gave him a small smile.

You looked over at the dining table. When he had said a few drinks and snacks he had been making a massive understatement. There was fruit, cereal, biscuits and hot food of all kinds. There was five types of juice, tea, coffee and even hot chocolate.

You really wished you hadn’t eaten the McDonalds.

“Help yourself,” Hendery said shyly, his hair falling over his eyes as he looked down. You couldn’t help but think about how cute he looked in the morning. You internally slapped yourself. This was a marriage of countries, not people.

“You guys too,” he said looking at Chanmi and the two bodyguards behind who had already began to hover by the pancakes. Sicheng high-fived Jeno and you couldn’t help but laugh.

Hendery looked over at you smiling when he saw you laugh.

“Shall we sit down?” he said. You grabbed an apple juice and a banana, as to not look impolite and sat down opposite where Hendery was. Chanmi sat down next to you, pulling out her massive folder once again.

“I assume we have to come up with, and learn a fake backstory,” he said to Chanmi, she nodded,

“Yes, you don’t have to be super detailed yet, it will be better to build in more details over time, but you do need to agree upon a basic timeline yes. It works best if you say you met at university and started dating sometime after, but you can both decide the details.”

You wished that she had just done it for you and printed it off but Hendery’s mother had explained weeks ago that if you came up with the story yourselves you were less likely to forget it.

“I think it’s best if we say we were friends for a while first,” you began, “I’ve been at the university for two years so we could perhaps say we met a year ago and started dating a while after?” You proposed.

“I agree,” he said, “We can say we started dating two months after we met. That we were introduced by our mutual friend Lucas…”

You cut him off,

“But I don’t know anything about Lucas,” you objected. Hendery shook his head,

“Doesn’t really matter they won’t be interested in the details of that yet, Lucas has many friends so it’s believable and by the time they ask about that I’m sure you will have met Lucas many times.”

What he said made sense. You paused for a moment, when he mentioned that you would meet Lucas, it started to dawn on you that your whole life, however you had seen it playing out, wasn’t going to be that way, your life would be dominated by your marriage to the son of a dictator you barely knew.

You almost dropped your cup at the thought of it, Chanmi saving it from falling by steadying your arm.

Her once infallible expression now looked somewhat anxious.

“Sorry,” you said, “You’re right Hendery that works.” You placed your cup down. Chanmi started to scribble down what Hendery had said once you confirmed he had a good idea.

“What else do we need to be able to talk about?” you asked, Chanmi scanned down her list of questions.

“Well just reasons you like each other, you can make that up on the spot though basic things, maybe agree on the location of the first date and proposal and that’s about it, most of it will be a prepared statement given by Hendery and only a few questions by reporters.”

“Study date,” Hendery said, “for the first date, we should say we studied together, we have to explain in a way that explains why we haven’t ever been seen together, it plays up the star crossed lovers angle,” he said, “You can answer that one, I will talk about the proposal don’t worry about that.”

You nodded, hazarding another sip of your juice. Chanmi smiled.

“All set then, I will go and make sure everything else is set up well, you have another half an hour or so to just hang out or whatever,” she said.

You had been hoping she wasn’t going to leave you alone with Hendery which you knew was stupid because you had to live a whole lifetime with him, however you were postponing that until the last minute.

Chanmi ran out the door and the other two were still enjoying the food, watching a video in the corner, thankfully nobody was attacking at the current moment.

“We are finally left alone,” Hendery joked, “well at least mostly.” You looked up and smiled politely again, playing with your bracelet nervously.

“That’s pretty,” he commented, “where did you get it?”

“Jeno gave it to me when I turned eighteen, it’s from our home country.”

Hendery glanced over at Jeno who looked up from his phone and waved back. Hendery’s face changed slightly but you couldn’t read his expression.

“It’s meant to be charmed by a witch” you continued, “I wear it for luck.”

“Ah cool,” Hendery replied as he continued to watch you play nervously with the bracelet, “you don’t have to be so polite, if your nervous you can say, if you want to scream obscenities at me I wont stop you.”

You exhaled, the tension you held inside releasing slightly.

“It’s not your fault either, it isn’t an optimal situation for either of us so it would be unfair for me to scream obscenities. I’m not angry anyway. But nervous… that I am.”

“About the announcement?” he prompted. You glanced up at the ceiling, looking at the intricate pattern in the paint.

“Not in particular though it does unsettle me slightly. It’s more of an overall nervousness I would say…” Hendery seemed to want you to continue, “Well you seem polite and all, but I don’t know you and so giving up my life to marry you is somewhat scary. But sometimes in life you have to make sacrifices, and this is mine, as it is yours.”

Hendery kept looking at you before he got up, he walked round and sat down in the chair next to you where Chanmi had once been.

“I suppose I understand that better than anyone else ever will,” he said his face serious, “but I really mean it when I say I don’t want either of us to be unhappy, so I really will try my best, not for the sake of international relations but for the sake of ourselves.”

You smiled genuinely at him.

“I’m sure at worst I will only hate you a little bit,” you joked.

A text came through on your phone from Chanmi, you didn’t know when she had acquired your phone number, but you pushed that thought aside.

Makeup Time!!! Upstairs third room on the left

“I have to go, my beautification awaits,” you said.

“You’re already pretty,” Hendery said, you were going to laugh but Hendery seemed serious. You blushed slightly. You put your phone in your pocket and grabbed a water bottle of the table.

“Well thank you and see you later for the end of our lives,” you said.

“It’s not the end it’s the beginning!” Hendery called after you as you hurried out. Jeno saw you leaving and almost fell over running after you.

“I see you have made a new best friend,” you said to him, on the way to where you hoped you would find Chanmi.

“I can’t be stuck with the same four friends my whole life, can I?” he said, “And anyway you and Hendery seem pretty close, you were always obsessed with him.”

“I was never obsessed with him,” you shout whispered back to him, clearly not quietly enough as Chanmi, who was waiting at the top of the stairs intercepted the conversation.

“Obsessed with who? I don’t think I’m up to a secret boyfriend scandal, let’s make that clear now.” She said.

“It’s nothing,” you said, glaring at Jeno. Chanmi seemed happy to accept that and a few seconds later had you seated in a chair in front of a large mirror.

For the next hour you had to endure several people pulling your hair and prodding your face. By the end you did look better than you ever had but you were not sure if the sweat and tears were worth it.

You had no time to ponder this as Chanmi was already pushing you towards a clothes rack. Jeno decided it was time for him to wait outside the door, leaving just you, Chanmi and the clothes.

“Jeno isn’t the secret boyfriend, is he?” Chanmi asked, searching through the rack. You coughed, water almost dribbling out of your mouth.

“No. He’s my brother practically, in all honest he was making fun of me and Hendery. I used to watch Hendery on TV obsessively, not because I had a crush on him but because I thought the son of a dictator was an interesting character. I didn’t believe he could be the same person in life as he is on TV, so I watched him over and over hoping to catch him out.”

“I want to say that’s cute given the situation but really think we will just need to find you a hobby to take up,” Chanmi decided, her face determined, “you can pick from any of these three,” she handed you three similar dresses, you picked a flower one, similar to the ones you had at home but clearly more expensive.

Chanmi smiled,

“Your mother told me you loved flowers,”

That must have been where she got your phone number.

“It’s a beautiful dress,” you complimented her for finding it,

“It should be at the price it costs.”

You pulled your makeshift outfit off and put on the outfit. She gave you some earrings and a necklace.

“Don’t I need an engagement ring?” you asked her.

“Don’t worry about that,” she said with a knowing smile. Jeno knocked on the door at the same time.

“You need to get going,” he called. You smiled at Chanmi before following her out and back down the staircase. She led you into the room next to the conference room where a team of people were waiting.

A lady started explaining how the microphone worked and that you didn’t need to stand up to answer any questions. She fell silent when Hendery walked into the room, his father and yours right behind him. Your father gave you a quick smile before turning back to the President.

Hendery walked up behind you and tapped you on the shoulder lightly,

“Can I borrow you for one minute?” he asked, and you followed him into an empty room across the hall. It seemed to be a rather large bathroom. Hendery locked the door.

“Is this the part where you murder me?” you asked, trying to make a joke. Hendery didn’t seem to understand, he looked shocked,

“I would never hurt you, let alone murder you, y/n, I hope you know that,” he said earnestly.

“I was joking,” you said, trying to laugh to ease the tension but it sort of sounded more like you were having breathing issues.

“Okay good because we don’t have a lot of time,” he said. You smiled back at him.

“What did you want to tell me then, if your plan wasn’t murder?” cursing yourself for bringing the murder joke back as soon as you had said it, luckily whether out of politeness or genuine humour Hendery chuckled.

He started to get down on one knee,

“Oh no… you don’t need to do this,” you said to him, shaking your hands. Hendery just grinned.

“But I want to, I should at least propose to my fiancé,” he pulled a box out of his pocket to reveal a ring that must have cost a large fortune, not a small one, “Will you marry me?” His face now serious as he looked up at you with a certain hope in his eyes.

You were more nervous now than you had been all day, you clutched the ends of your dress, your nails digging into your skin. The reality of the situation ever increasing.

“Yes,” is all you managed to say, but it was all you needed to say, Hendery stood up and placed the ring on your finger, his own fingers cold. The heating was certainly lacking.

He was wearing a much nicer suit than before, this time it wasn’t at all damp looking either. He wore a black tie and a badge with his country’s flag on it.

“We need to go,” you managed to say, very aware of how close Hendery now was to you and how you didn’t need another reason to be nervous. An attractive man standing that close made you nervous.

“Let’s go then,” Hendery said unlocking the door and holding it open for you which you thanked him for, quickly walking back across the hall.

Chanmi grabbed you, clearly checking that Hendery had given you the ring, once she had seen it, she was satisfied.

“Time to shine,” she said pushing you towards the door.

The conference room had been set up with four seats, Hendery and the President in the middle, you and your father seated either side. You saw both your mothers watching from the front row with Chanmi. Jeno was standing with a line of bodyguards at the back, Chanmi had let you keep your bracelet on and so you felt somewhat calmer because of it.

Hendery sat down first and you walked across to sit next to him.

“You will be fine,” he whispered to you. At the same time his father began to speak.

“Today the Presidential House would like to make an announcement regarding the recent engagement of my son Hendery and his fiancé y/n, daughter to an ambassador to this country.” he said, “My son would like to read a short statement to this effect.”

“I would like to express to everyone who is watching my happiness on my engagement to the love of my life, y/n. Although we come from different countries, two that have not always agreed in the past, we have still managed to find each other and that is something I think is beautiful. I hope that all of our citizens can respect out forthcoming marriage and grow to love y/n just as much as I do.” He said smiling down at you at the end.

It made you feel sick, the words he said, lies.

Lies to a nation who would love to see your country burn, just meters away from a President who would let that happen if other countries wouldn’t condemn him for it.

The President then spoke again, of how this had allowed the two nations to come to a trade agreement and therefore how it must have been fate, though he was suspicious at first, he now recognised the power of true love.

In that moment you hated him. He may have given you an opportunity for peace but only in a manner that would cause your father to suffer through losing you to him. You hated him for how he used his own son to achieve this, it made you feel more sick than anything Hendery could ever say.

Yet the conference continued, and you sat with the same fake smile on your face, trying desperately to ensure a nation loved you, to ensure it was all worth it.

The questions began, the same ones Chanmi had promised, first date, favourite things,

“I love how hardworking he is,” you said,

“She is very determined and passionate,” Hendery said.

“Where did your engagement occur” they asked,

“You won’t believe me Jungwoo,” he began, of course he knew the reporter, “but I actually proposed here in a bathroom,” a shriek of laughter went up.

“Why a bathroom?” Jungwoo the reporter replied incredulous.

“Well actually we first met in a bathroom, y/n was with Lucas having dinner with some friends and he had invited me to come join, I walked in to see the bathroom door open and y/n crawling on the floor trying to find her earring and so I helped her search, so I suppose jewellery in a bathroom is sort of a fun joke to us.”

Though the story was false you felt calmer that Hendery somehow had not lied about the location of the proposal, he had made your relationship seem not one-hundred percent fake to you, for which you were grateful.

The interview ended shortly after. You filed out of the room and back into the hallway.

“That went brilliantly,” the President asserted, your father agreeing strongly, eager to please him. You loved your father, but you hadn’t realised he was a slightly weak man until that moment.

You turned to Hendery,

“Thank you for working in the true location of the proposal, its hard to explain why but it means a lot to me.”

“I get what you mean, it is the one thing about us that is true and that does mean something,” Hendery agreed, “that’s why I worked it into that ridiculous story, also its so ridiculous no one would ever believe I was lying.”

You started to notice Chanmi hovering, it was time for you to leave.

“I suppose I will see you for the ball tomorrow then?” you said. Hendery nodded.

You were about to leave when Hendery remembered something.

“Ah yeah, here’s my phone number, in case you need anything,” he said handing you a piece of paper from his pocket.

“Thank you, and thank you for the ring, it’s beautiful.”

“I picked it myself last week… the ring not the phone number,” he said. You laughed, properly, not out of any obligation.

“Bye Hendery.”

“Bye bye future wife.”

And with that you walked to Chanmi who lead you back out of the building and away.

You cried when you got home. You were understandably upset about the whole situation but when you pulled out your phone and the number Hendery had left and texted him saying

This is y/n btw

You felt somewhat better, it wasn’t Hendery you objected to, he seemed nice and maybe in another life you would even have chosen to date him.

It was the lack of freedom and the lies that upset you, it was the smile on the Presidents face when he announced he was suddenly able to agree to the trade deal terms. You could have punched a wall.

You didn’t even want to talk to Jeno.

But when Hendery replied with a screenshot of his phone where he had saved your name as ‘fiancé from the bathroom’ with a heart, you wanted to punch the wall a little less.

*******************

“Just breathe in more!” Chanmi shouted as she struggled to close the final clasp on the corset of your dress.

“Could you not have found a dress that fits a normal human?” You replied, red in the face from all the breathing in. Jeno and Jaemin were in fits of laughter in the corner watching, clearly finding your struggle rather amusing.

The dress Chanmi was wrestling you into was a beautiful lilac ballgown, one of the famous colours of Hendery’s country, he was going to wear a red tie, the colour of your own nation.

With one last breath in, Chanmi managed to secure it properly and you were able to breathe again, though not at full capacity, the dress had perhaps permanently destroyed your lung functionality.

“Right shoes on, we are almost late,” Chanmi continued running around, shoving one last hairpin into your hair.

It was the night of your engagement ball, even the name of the event sounded elaborate even to you.

Your phone told you that you had about three minutes to run to the top of the ballroom, to walk down the stairs, like something out of Cinderella.

You threw Jeno your phone and started to run, Chanmi running just as fast next to you.

“If that stupid dress had fit this wouldn’t have happened, now you’re going to be red in the face,” Chanmi complained, “I will fight that tailor.”

You had never heard such anger towards a dressmaker before so you refrained from making a statement about how the dress had made you red in the face, late or not.

You reached the door that led to the ballroom balcony with about a minute to spare. Chanmi started viscously fanning you with her schedule to an extent you couldn’t help but laugh.

Chanmi was so passionate about her job it was amazing, it took your mind off your nerves. You were about to walk down the stairs with about three hundred people watching you, you had to not fall, look graceful and most importantly make them love you.

And make them think you and Hendery were in love, there was also that.

Your face had almost returned to a normal colour as Chanmi raised up her fists to cheer you on and the balconey doors opened.

It took a second for your brain to remember what to do, but finally you stepped forward. You could see the ballroom below, filled with important people in expensive clothing. But at the bottom of the steps waiting you could also see Hendery.

You kept your eyes fixed on him as you descended, he was the only person in the room you recognised except for your own parents and therefore he was the only face you could look at without passing out due to nerves.

Peace between nations rested on the important people here liking you, believing you were worth the love of the President’s son. That was a heavy burden to bear and it weighed down on your shoulders that you had to keep perfectly upright even as you reached the final steps.

Hendery’s eyes looked in awe of you. You thanked God that at least one of you was a good actor.

He walked towards you, offering out his hand as you reached the ground. You reached out to meet him, his hand touching yours softly. It was the first time you had ever had physical contact with him.

It wasn’t like a movie, sparks didn’t fly when he touched your hand, but it did reassure you slightly that he hadn’t run away yet.

He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to the top of your palm.

“You look beautiful y/n,” he said, his eyes shining due to the reflection of the chandelier light above.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” you said, forcing a giggle. It wasn’t that he didn’t look handsome, in truth he was possible the most handsome man you had ever seen at that moment in his black tie suit. You were just too nervous to laugh naturally, to act naturally.

Hendery smiled back up at you as the string music began to play.

“Shall we dance?” he asked, putting his other arm around your waist and pulling you closer. Luckily as the daughter of the ambassador you had learned to dance from a young age and therefore weren’t going to embarrass yourself.

“I fancy myself quite a good dancer,” you said smiling. Hendery nodded in agreement.

“You’re quite right about that, but I have to ask, am I really just not bad looking,” he said, leaning in closer to whisper the last part. You blushed slightly,

“I’m sure you know your very handsome Hendery,” you said before leaning in yourself to whisper in his ear, “and I agree with you, leaning and whispering is a good tactic to make us seem close.”

His eyes narrowed before he chuckled.

“You’re a smart woman y/n.”

You carried on dancing until the song ended at which point the President came over.

“May I cut in?” he asked, Hendery stepped back, the smile from his face immediately gone. In contrast you plastered a fake smile onto yours.

“It would be my honour,” you affirmed, when really the thought of dancing with such a horrendous man repulsed you. Physically the President was almost attractive as his son just many years older, yet you hated him so much so just the thought of touching him made you want to flee.

The music started up and you began to waltz.

“You and Hendery looked happy dancing,” he remarked.

“We get on reasonably well,” you replied simply. It wasn’t a lie.

“That pleases me to hear, I wouldn’t want to make either of you unhappy.” He also didn’t seem to be lying, and maybe he wasn’t but he was still willing to risk his own son’s happiness to make a point and so every word he said to you was like poison.

“Your son is a very smart and kind person, I am sure we will be a happy couple.” You said it because you had to make him happy but you did also wish it would be true. You hoped one day you and Hendery could be happy together for real.

You just had to fall in love with him first.

You danced until the end of the song, then you danced with about five state officials before you finally had to sit down. You were good at wearing heels but dancing for such an extended period of time was tiring.

You watched Hendery as you sat, dancing with the wives of the officials, his face smiling casually. He was instantly likeable just like on TV, yet you still didn’t believe he was really like that all of the time. You still wanted to find out if he had any cracks.

Lost in thought you didn’t notice Hendery standing in front of you, his hair slightly sweaty from all the dancing.

“Why are you sitting alone?” he asked.

“I don’t know many people here and I’ve always been a pretty solitary person, symptomatic of having to be guarded twenty-four seven,” you said, nodding back to where Jeno and Jaemin were at the edge of the room only metres away.

“Well lonely lady, we need to make a toast,” he said offering his arm for you to take. You stood up, the pain of your shoes starting up once again and linked your arm with his.

“We can’t all be sociable Mr. Perfect,” you joked back. Hendery looked away grinning,

“That’s not how I come across is it?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know, you always seem perfect, dancing just now, in all your TV interviews..”

He cut you off,

“You watch me on TV?” he asked, seeming genuinely surprised.

“Don’t think to highly of yourself, I can’t help that you are always on the television, you’re the joy of a nation, there is whole magazines that basically only write about you and Lucas.”

Hendery chuckled again.

“And now they will only write about you and me,” he said. You had reached the top of the balcony where a member of staff signalled for the music to stop.

Hendery had just stepped forward to speak when it happened. At first you couldn’t be sure, all you heard was a loud bang and the sound of people screaming, then another bang occurred and Hendery let go of your arm, grabbed your hand and started to run pulling you behind him. You saw a group of men start to chase you up the stairs.

Your feet were in the most pain you had ever felt from wearing shoes but you kept running behind Hendery, holding onto his hand as tightly as you could, not knowing where he was running to but knowing that if you stopped the men behind could potentially try to kill you.

Hendery suddenly stopped by a door and flung it open, letting go of your hand to shut it quickly and locked it as soon as you were inside.

You opened your mouth to speak, Hendery shook his head raising his finger to his mouth indicating you should say silent. He turned the light off and got his phone torch out. He seemed to be searching for something but you couldn’t help him because you didn’t know what it was.

Seconds later you saw him lift some of the bathroom tiles that were fixed together to create a secret trapdoor. He pressed his thumb to the top corner of the tile which flashed green. Despite your fear you couldn’t help be impressed by the James Bond level tech this house seemed to have.

Hendery lifted the door up and motioned for you to climb in, you stepped back into the hole, your feet finding a ladder and you began to climb down as fast as you could, Hendery following, he managed to close the door just as you heard people attempt to kick the bathroom door down.

The ladder led down to what seemed to be a secret bunker. There was a final door which Hendery opened this time with his eye. The bunker was a small room, it had a bed and bottles of water but not much else.

Hendery sighed out once he had shut the outer door. You slumped down on the bed, your back leaning against the wall. Hendery walked over and handed you a cup of water.

“You can talk here, it’s soundproof,” he said but you were too shell-shocked to get any words out.

The first thing you could clearly think about was the pain in your feet, the running had caused your feet to start bleeding, something you noticed as you pulled the shoes off.

You ripped part of your dress and put the water on it, using it to wipe the blood from your feet.

Hendery sat down next to you, almost as shocked as you were, even if he was trying his best to hide it.

A bomb must have gone off, was your first thought, the ball had been attacked, probably in protest. You felt hot tears fall down your face at the realisation. Your parents had been down there, you didn’t know if they were safe.

Hendery seemed to snap out of his own thoughts, staring at you with concern. At least he wasn’t stupid enough to ask if you were okay.

You wiped the tears from your eyes furiously,

“Sorry,” you said, “I’m not usually such a baby.”

Your words seemed to cause Hendery more concern.

“Given the situation I don’t think crying makes you a baby,” he said. You shrugged.

“It’s not the first attack on my life in this country,” you replied, which was true, it was the fourth. People on both sides really did hate the other.

“It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve… You have the right to be upset, to be scared, those are all normal emotions.”

“You’re not crying, why should I,” you countered. In any other situation you thought Hendery probably would have laughed.

“I don’t have the right, it was my father who got us both into this situation.”

“Your father,” you said, “not you.” The thought Hendery saw the situation as any way his fault, made you feel so much worse. You couldn’t stop your tears from flowing silently down your face.

Hendery looked at you with sad eyes, before he shuffled closer to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, bringing your head down onto his shoulder as he held you.

“I don’t ever object to my father, I’m not any better,” he mused sadly.

“I could have said no,” you whispered in reply, “but I didn’t in the hope that marring you would stop attacks like this, not against me but against my people and against yours. I like to believe Hendery that what we are doing is not in fear of your father, but creating peace in spite of your father.”

“Why has it ended with your cheering me up?” Hendery said, staring down at you.

“We are helping each other, a team for life right? You have a right to be scared an upset.” You quoted him on the last part.

“Are your feet okay?” Hendery asked, suddenly worried again. You looked down at your cut feet, the bleeding mostly stopped.

“I don’t think it’s life threatening.”

Hendery chuckled.

A moment later you heard the door bang. You both stood up, your worry for your feet gone again. Hendery held your hand, pushing you to stand behind him protectively, the door banged again before opening, your nails digging into the skin of Hendery’s hand.

“Are you okay y/n?!” you heard Jeno’s voice. You sighed with relief when you saw him standing at the door with Sicheng right next to him.

You ran over and threw your arms around him.

“What happened? What’s happening?” you heard Hendery ask Sicheng.

“Terrorists, protesting the trade agreement and demanding war, two bombs, luckily not strong but there was still five dead and twelve in critical condition.” Sicheng reported.

“Who, do you know who is dead?” you said letting go of Jeno and turning to face Sicheng.

“Nobody you would know Miss y/n,” he said, “Both of your parents are fine, your father has suffered a few minor injuries but nothing worrying,” he added. You breathed out a sigh of relief, something you felt terrible for given the tragedy.

Sicheng and Jeno led you both back out into the open and along to where both of your parents were waiting. Your father had a sling around his neck and the President had a large cut on his cheek, he had clearly been hit by a bit of shrapnel.

The President came over and started to apologise as your mother ran over to hug you.

“Hendery took me to an escape shelter,” you explained to her as she sobbed into your chest. You could tell she wanted to say she wished she had never let this marriage go ahead.

“I hope that what happened today doesn’t change your mind about anything?” was all the President asked. Hendery looked like he wanted to punch him, but his mouth stayed shut and he didn’t hit anyone.

You managed to remove yourself from your mother’s grip.

“It only reinforces the need for this marriage to go ahead.” You said.

“Then we think it is best for you to move in here for safety reasons. You can still have two of your own bodyguards but we feel the added protection would help. As you have seen we have many precautions in place in times of emergency.”

“Obviously you can have your own room,” Hendery’s mother added, “We can even work together with Chanmi to decorate it the way you like.”

Your heart dropped, you had forgotten about Chanmi, though Hendery’s mother mentioning her must have meant she was fine.

“Is she okay, Chanmi?” you asked to nobody in particular.

“She just had to get stitches in her arm,” Sicheng said, “Not the bomb but she was stabbed by an assailant looking for you.”

You wanted to bs sick, all of these people hurt because of your fake marriage. You put your hand to your head, almost falling over as your legs wobbled. Hendery managed to catch you, helping you stand straight, not letting go of you.

“Can we discuss this tomorrow father, I think y/n needs to rest, this has been a rather traumatising day,” he said.

Before you could protest that you were fine his father nodded.

“Let her sleep in your bed until we can get a room ready for y/n tomorrow, you can sleep in Sicheng’s room,” he said. Your parents didn’t protest. So Hendery helped you walk from the room, Jeno following behind, now with Jaemin and Sicheng.

“Five’s company,” you joked. Hendery didn’t laugh or say anything in return, his mouth set in a firm line. He didn’t say anything at all until you reached his room.

His room was at the end of a long corridor filled with doors, it really was a massive house. He opened the door and walked in with you, shutting it behind him, the three guards waiting outside.

He sat you down on his bed that was perfectly made. You stared around his room, all of it neat and tidy, you hadn’t expected otherwise. He had some photos of Lucas and him hanging on the wall and one of him with his parents.

He had an Xbox under the tv and a bowl full of keys to expensive cars, you thought it was funny how the things he liked were such stereotypical boy things.

The one thing in the room that surprised you was his bedside tables. One had a stack of books by the lamp, but the other had a picture of you and him, the one of only a few that existed, taken on one of your visits to his house in order for a press release later on.

Hendery saw you staring at it.

“That one was my favourite, so I told my mother she couldn’t give it to the press, something has to be sacred to our fake marriage.”

The word fake hurt to hear, even if it was true. You really wished you had met Hendery under any other circumstance but this.

“Get some sleep, we can talk in the morning, I’m really sorry all this has happened.” Hendery said, turning to leave. You grabbed his arm softly to stop him.

“Hendery,” you said standing up, “thank you for saving us,” you said with a sad smile, “apart from Jeno you’re the only person to ever save me from an attack.”

Hendery bit his lip,

“Of all the things that I wish made me equal Jeno to you, I really wish it hadn’t been having to save you from being killed,” he said it somewhat jokingly but you knew he had said it in earnest.

You stepped towards Hendery and wrapped your arms around him, resting your head on his shoulder.

“I wish we had met in another life, in another way,” you began, your words partly muffled by his shirt against your lips, “I don’t know you well, but I think you are a person I will be proud to marry,” you moved your head back to look up at him.

“I hope you’re right,” he said before wrapping his arms around you in return. You stood like that for a moment longer before Hendery let go.

“Try and sleep,” he said, before leaving, the door shutting softly behind him.

You woke up from nightmare after nightmare through the night. You stared at the photo of you and Hendery in the frame, you looked so happy even if the happiness was fake. You finally fell asleep soundly dreaming of a life in which you and Hendery were truly happy.

*******************

You woke up to the light shining through the gap in the large curtains as you realised you had forgotten to close them properly.

It was your second week in your room at the President’s House and yet you still weren’t used to it. You heard a knock at the door, the repeated nature of which told you it was Chanmi. She had come back to work shortly after being released from hospital even though you had begged her to take a month or so off.

She was unfortunately not a month off type of person. She walked in without waiting for your answer, sighing when she saw you still hadn’t gotten out of bed.

“You know you have your first live TV interview today, get up!” she instructed. You laid back down pulling the duvet back over your head.

You still weren’t really able to think straight all the emotions of the last month were still processing in your mind, you didn’t know how you felt never mind how to pretend to convey how your pretend self felt on national television.

“It’s just one interview, I’m sure Hendery can do all the talking on the attack related questions,” she said clearly trying to cheer you up but you didn’t feel any better. You felt bad that the explanation seemed to rest on Hendery’s shoulders by default, you were sad that you were the cause of the attack and worst of all you knew you had to tell a whole country they shouldn’t attack you because you loved Hendery when that wasn’t really true.

While you had grown closer on that night, you hadn’t properly talked to him since. He was always busy with work, he worked for his father in his free time, training for a high up government position.

You had spoken to him briefly at meals but you really just didn’t know what to say to him, how to talk to him when at the same meals he agreed with everything his father said about politics, most of which you silently disagreed with.

Politics wasn’t everything but in a political marriage it meant a lot.

So you had been left alone with your thoughts mostly, you had gotten a few lessons from the publicity about how to deal with the media and lessons on the countries culture but it wasn’t really anything you hadn’t learned as the ambassadors daughter.

“I’ve thought a lot about what I want to say, I think I can really help if I speak about the attack,” you said to Chanmi. You had spent a lot of this free time thinking, thinking about how to save the political marriage, about how to save everyone around you from the fallout it would cause.

“Well then even better,” Chanmi replied smiling but the apprehension on her face at your words was clear.

So an hour later you found yourself knocking on the door of Hendery’s study.

“Come in,” he called out, you turned the door handle and pushed the door open, “I was just about to come and find you y/n,” he said.

“I was thinking about the interview,” you began, “I know the plan is for you to speak about the incident and ask that people respect me and so on, but I really think it would help if I speak for myself.”

Hendery didn’t say anything which also wasn’t an objection so you continued.

“I agreed to this marriage to avoid conflict, I don’t want to create it, I don’t want to just wait around carrying this weight of the decision I have made without even being able to speak myself on it. I want to take responsibility for the weight of my own actions.”

Hendery stood up from his chair and walked around the desk leaning back to half sit on the front so he wasn’t talking to you from so far away.

“You are braver than I will ever be,” he said, “if you want to speak for yourself then of course you can.”

“I don’t think being responsible for my choices is brave, it’s a requirement to me. You were prepared to take responsibility for our marriage too, I don’t see why you think it’s brave,” you said.

Hendery looked up at the ceiling, twisting his pen back and forth between his fingers.

“I thought if I was going to be responsible for one choice I made in my life it was going to be marrying you.”

“How so?” you asked, taking a seat in the armchair at the side of the room.

“I see how you look at me at dinner when I agree with my father and the atrocious opinions he has. You hide it well but I can tell. I agree with my father even though I know he’s wrong and that’s partly because I didn’t know how wrong he was until he forced this marriage. I realised that he had been manipulating me my whole life. He always used to say the decisions he made were for the best, for the people for me but when he made us get married I finally understood that he was just playing games.”

“Then why do you agree with him still?”

“Maybe I am a coward, maybe I still believe that he wants whats right deep down but I don’t really believe either of those to answers. I just don’t see the benefit in disagreeing with him.” He explained.

“If you did then maybe he would question his own opinions,” you suggested, “hearing it from his own son.”

“His own son who he would marry off just to win a political game. I can’t win against my father but if I obey him I can try and make some good, marrying you will do good in the long term, even if it is part of his game, so that is what I choose to be responsible for because I believe in the power of it.”

You could hear the pain in Hendery’s voice as he spoke but also the determination. You started to understand him a bit more.

“Maybe he wins the short game, but we will win the long game,” you said, Hendery looked about to ask you to elaborate but you didn’t let him, “Interview time,” you got up and opened the door, “time to pretend you love me.”

*******************

You looked in the mirror just before you went to sit next to Hendery on the set, your makeup was perfect, your hair done, you looked amazing. You had gotten rid of the flowery dresses that you loved for this interview though, today you wore a tailored suit, today you were going to show the country you meant business.

You sat down uncomfortably closer to Hendery but you knew it would look weird if you had sat half a foot away.

The interviewer was a woman who didn’t seem to like you very much as she scowled at you but you didn’t let it affect you. You answered all her questions about your ‘love story’ and smiled up at Hendery as you told the gushing details.

“So what do you say to people who disagree with this relationship, clearly after the terrible act of terrorism that occurred at your engagement party it would be better for everyone if you just broke up?”

“We will not be intimidated by haters or people who write mean comments online or even despicable criminals. We love each other and we will get married. We feel our love conveys how it is possible for both our nations to come to love each other also so that senseless violence will no longer occur, to us our love is about more than just us, it is our love for each other yes, but also everyone on both sides of the border.” You answered.

“How lovely,” the reporter said with a fake smile, “well I think we know one way to appease the viewers,” she said.

“And what is that, we would be happy to oblige,” Hendery said, reminding you exactly of all the times you watched him on TV. He was too perfect on TV you found it unnerving now you had started to get to know him.

“a kiss between the happy couple to be,” she grinned. If you hadn’t known it was impossible you would have thought she knew your marriage was fake. You tried not to look alarmed, Hendery didn’t seem to be phased.

“Is that proper?” you asked, trying to see if you could wiggle your way out.

“It’s the twenty-first century I’m sure it’s fine,” the reporter said. Before you could continue to argue Hendery leaned in and placed a quick peck on your lips.

“How sweet,’ the reporter cooed, “that’s all we have time for today, thank you to Hendery and y/n for joining us, see you next Tuesday for an interview with everyone’s favourite chef.”

Your face burned red and when you looked over you saw the same blush come over Hendery’s face just not to the same degree. He thanked the reporter before grabbing your hand and pulling you up. He led you out into the open air where cameras flashed as you walked quickly towards the car.

Hendery wrapped his arm around you pushing past the reports until Jeno could open the car door allowing both of you to climb in. Once they had gotten in the row of seats behind and all the doors were shut you breathed out a large sigh.

“I’m sorry,” Hendery said quickly, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable I just…” You shook your head.

“No its fine, I’m not mad at you I just struggle with the situation as you already know.”

Considering Sicheng, Jeno and the driver were all also in the car neither of you took the conversation any further until you had gotten out of the car and were standing in the empty kitchen drinking water.

“I don’t want you to think I don’t like you,” you said to Hendery, “you’re a really nice person and if we had met under any other circumstance…”

It was Hendery’s turn to shake his head,

“You don’t need to explain.”

“I want to. You told me your feelings earlier I will return the favour.” You took a sip of your water, your mouth feeling dry all of a sudden.

“I always knew I would end up marrying for political advantage, I never let myself like boys, not that I had the chance to meet any, I just thought maybe I would have a pick of three or something.” You stopped yourself, “Sorry again I really don’t mean that as an insult to you.”

“No I get what you’re saying…” he thought for a second, “That wasn’t your first kiss, oh I’m so sorry if it was… live on TV as well.”

You laughed.

“Don’t worry not quite the first, I kissed Jeno once actually a few years ago to see if we had feelings for each other, we realised very quickly we didn’t, we were mostly just bored I guess.”

You knew the same wasn’t true for Hendery, while he wasn’t as bad as Lucas he still had a reputation for girls leaving his hotel room at 3am. While you had abstained from romance all together, he had gone the other way and thrust himself into meaningless sex. You understood his choice even if it wasn’t the one you made.

“So you’ve never had a boyfriend?” Hendery asked, he wasn’t judging he was just curious.

“Nope, I’ve never liked a boy and so maybe that’s why all this with you is a bit harder but it doesn’t mean I’m mad you kissed me, you had no choice and we are engaged after all.”

Hendery took a few steps towards you, putting his drink down on the table. His eyes searching your face.

“Would you be mad if I kissed you now, when I did have a choice?” He asked. You thought about to for a second, while you weren’t in love with Hendery you did find him attractive and he was a caring person and you were going to spend your life married to him. So you made a choice.

“No, I wouldn’t be mad,” you said slowly, your heart beginning to beat faster. Hendery took two more steps forward, he reached over and took your drink out from your hand placing it down on the table.

He smiled,

“I think I like you y/n,” he said, his gaze flicking between your eyes and your lips and before you knew it he was kissing you. Tentatively at first, clearly trying not to overwhelm you but as you began to kiss him back more urgently he followed suit, his hands tangling in your hair as your own arms slid round his waist.

It was different to when you had kissed Jeno, it was so much more enjoyable, you realised that was because you liked Hendery. It felt like your whole body was on fire as his tongue played with yours gently, when he bit down slightly on your lip you let out a soft moan causing your ears to burn red.

But it didn’t dissuade Hendery, instead he smiled into the kiss, before going back to kissing you just as passionately before, pressing you up against the kitchen wall.

A few minutes later he pulled away.

“I think if I don’t stop now we will end up somewhere we don’t wanna go just yet, we do have a lifetime,” he joked, pecking your lips again.

“I think I like you too,” you said to him, your cheeks still red as he beamed at you.

*******************

You started to chat more to Hendery, meeting him in the garden after dinner sometimes, seeing if you were able to hide from Jeno and Sicheng, something you quickly realised was impossible.

You also quickly realised how stressful Hendery’s life was. While your father’s job had isolated you it had never been something you personally had to be involved with. Hendery’s work for his father was hard, especially on top of the university work you still both had, even if the professors were emailing it for safety reasons.

You had arranged to meet Hendery in the garden after lunch but he never arrived. You wondered around the house looking for him, eventually spotting Sicheng standing outside the library.

“Have you seen Hendery?” you enquired, Sicheng nodded his head lightly.

“He’s working in there, I guess he forgot to meet you… I wouldn’t take it personally the President is expecting a lot from him lately.” You truly felt bad for Hendery and how he was treated. All the President expected from you was to learn to sit straight, something you already learned at the age of four. The misogyny of the upper classes.

“Tell him he has to stop working by six, the doctors’ orders,” you said, “tell him to find me in the kitchen!” and before Sicheng could argue you had already raced back down the corridor to sort some things out.

You asked the people who worked in the kitchen where you could find the ingredients to make cookies, the immediately offered to make some for you but you assured them making them yourself was the point.

You stashed the cookie ingredients in the family fridge before racing off again. You had hours to set up your plan but you wanted it to be perfect so you wasted no time. If you weren’t allowed to be involved in state affairs you could at least support your fiancé who was.

Only a few doors down from your room was a little sitting room with a sofa and a tv that was seldom used. In the whole month you had spent in the house you had never seen another person in there.

One of the reasons setting everything up took so long was because you weren’t sure where things in the house were kept. You could have asked someone but you wanted it to be a secret between just you and Hendery.

So when Jeno asked why you were forcing him to run after you like a maniac you refused to give a reason.

You eventually found a cupboard where spare blankets and pillows were kept, chucking as many as possible on top of Jeno whilst picking up just as many yourself.

On the sitting room floor you laid out all the blankets and pillows until it looked as cosy as anything.

Working out how the TV worked was a half hour task in itself, it was so modern you weren’t sure how it worked or how the remote worked but eventually you found Netflix.

Sooner than you expected it you were standing back in the kitchen waiting for Hendery. He arrived not soon after at six-fifteen, his face slightly pale and a tired look on his face.

“Sorry I didn’t come meet you in the garden earlier I was just so busy…” you cut him off, placing a finger over his lips.

“No apologies, just fun relaxing activities,” you explained, pulling the cookie ingredients back out of the fridge.

It turned out neither of you had any clue how to bake but cookies were simple. Flour ended up everywhere and you couldn’t help but think how cute Hendery looked as he smiled, butter smudged on his cheek.

“We have to cook them for ten minutes, so they are still gooey,” you said, going over to the sink and grabbing a cloth, “your face is dirty come here.”

Hendery walked over to you and crouched down slightly so you could clean his face, you chuckled at how cute he was.

“All better,” you said, wiping the butter away, your eyes lingering on his cheek. Hendery caught your gaze and smiled.

“Come here you have something on your cheek too,” he said, you were confused you had checked in the reflection of the oven just a minute ago and there hadn’t been anything.

Hendery leaned in closer to your face before placing a quick kiss on your cheek. Your face blushed slightly pink as Hendery stood up straight again grinning.

“Oh maybe there was nothing there after all,” he said. You shook your head in mock disapproval, saved from your shy embarrassment by the noise of the cooker beeping.

You carefully removed the cookies from the oven and slid them into a bowl. Hendery reached in to take one but you swatted his hand away.

“You will burn yourself if you touch it now, and anyway they are for later.”

Hendery seemed confused. You didn’t bother explaining, you picked up the cookie bowl in one hand and took Hendery’s hand in your other and starting leading him to your blanket extravaganza.

You had gotten some staff to leave actual dinner in the room, you hadn’t been confident enough in either of your skills to make a whole dinner, it probably wouldn’t have had the light-hearted fun vibe you were after if you ended up with raw chicken.

“Pick a Netflix movie,” you said as you settled down into the blankets, eating your food as Hendery found a movie to watch.

By halfway through the film both of you had turned your focus away from eating and solely to the movie. But without the food to think about you began to notice more how close Hendery was sitting next to you.

He seemed to be slowly moving closer and closer to you, his hand resting nearer to yours by the minute. So when the movie reached a slightly scary part you felt no shame and hiding your face in Hendery’s arm.

“You don’t need to be scared,” he said, you glared at him jokingly.

“Says the man who is scared of frogs,” you teased back. Hendery’s mouth opened wide,

“How did you, how, what?” he asked.

“I’ve been asking around about you,” you said in your best attempt to flirt. Your isolated lifestyle hadn’t given you much practise.

“You’re cute,” he observed, looking down at you, taking the opportunity to place his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him, “thank you for doing this,” he said over the sound of the movie playing in the background.

“If you ever need a break just call me up, I’m nonstop fun,” you said, immediately regretting how the statement had come across more sexual than it had in your head. Hendery just grinned.

“But seriously, I can tell your stressed and so if you ever want to talk about how stressed you are or just get things of your chest, I’m willing to listen.”

Hendery sighed lightly. He didn’t speak for a while, his hand fiddling with the corner of one of the blankets, his muscles slightly tensed.

“If… If you would be happier not marrying me, I want you to tell me, I will talk to my father, I will find a way. You’re too kind and beautiful a person y/n to be stuck marrying someone for politics. I want you to be happy.”

His words shocked you but you couldn’t help smiling but not for the reason Hendery thought. You wriggled out from under his arm moving to sit directly in front of him, your legs crossed opposite where he sat, hugging his legs.

“Meeting you has been the one thing that has seemed like real life to me, even if this is an orchestrated marriage, The fact that you would be willing to talk to your father to make me happy, is the exact reason I am willing to try marrying you. Even if there is another way, I still choose this way.”

Hendery still looked conflicted.

“But what if, in the future, you don’t feel the same way, you regret making this choice, choosing me?” he asked.

“While I still don’t consider this marriage a choice, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t chose to date you under different circumstances. And you are correct, I cannot see the future and someday I may not feel how I feel now. But I know two things that are true. One is that your father is unlikely to listen to you no matter what and so this marriage is still necessary. Two, right now the thought of marrying you doesn’t scare me, it makes me somewhat happy, even if the circumstance doesn’t. Even if marriage for us is like dating for others, I chose right now to take responsibility for not even letting you try to convince your father.”

You looked straight into Hendery’s eyes. The hope that you saw appear in his eyes was enough to make you want to cry. This marriage to Hendery, the chance to make you happy, it was his hope, the only hope he felt he had of doing something positive.

Your marriage to Hendery was going to bring good to the world, to his world and your own. You knew that was something to be proud of, you knew that you wanted to love him.

You kissed his lips briefly before pulling away again.

“You should sleep,” you encouraged him, “you are handsome but tired looking.”

“It would be a better sleep if you slept with me,” he joked with a wink. You pushed him lightly on the shoulder.

“Whilst I may have kissed someone before you, I have not shared a bed with a guy before and will not be starting today,’ you asserted. Hendery nodded, getting up,

“Well my door is always open, I’m a great at cuddles.”

He leaned down and kissed your forehead softly.

“Goodnight y/n,” he said, “I will sleep better dreaming of you.”

You blushed in the darkness of the room as he walked away. The man was to charming for his own good.

*******************

You saw it on the news first,

“Breaking story, five tourists from our neighbouring country have been arrested on suspicions of undisclosed crimes, they are currently being held by the state government, a decision that is being viewed with mixed reactions.”

You stood up, your first instinct to go to Hendery’s study and ask him if he knew what was going on.

But when you tried to leave your room you found it looked from the outside, something you hadn’t known was possible. You began to bang on the door, shouting at whoever had locked it on the other side, but to no avail.

You eventually sat back down and turned the news back on, having no other real plan of action. The news revealed that the tourists had supposedly robbed a bank but it was an accusation you were very suspicious of.

You tried ringing Hendery but every time the phone went straight to voicemail and you didn’t bother leaving a message. You tried searching the internet but you didn’t have a 3G signal and the Wi-Fi seemed to be broken.

You rang your mother next to ask if she knew anything, she said that all she knew was that there had been no bank robbery and they were being held as political leverage. You wanted to scream, you picked up the closet item to you, a shoe, and threw it as hard against the wall as possible.

At the same time you heard the lock on the door turn and Sicheng enter,

“Are you all right?” he asked, “I heard a bang.” You couldn’t believe Hendery’s personal guard was the one keeping you locked up.

“Why can’t I leave?” you asked, “Why won’t Hendery pick up my calls?”

“The President doesn’t want to risk the chance you could talk to the press… as for Hendery I don’t know… as soon as he heard what was about to happen he insisted I tell Jeno we swapped guarding duty for the day.”

After seeing you were okay Sicheng left again, locking the door once he was outside. You wanted to believe that Hendery played no role but the changing of the guards so that Jeno couldn’t let you out was suspicious.

A few hours later Sicheng opened the door and passed you some food into the room but you felt too sick to eat. What was the point of the marriage if it didn’t even keep your country people safe.

Finally your phone rang, Hendery was calling you back. You wanted to ignore it out of spite but you knew the situation was more important than that.

“What the fuck Hendery,” was all you said when you picked up.

“I’m sorry,” he replied.

“Don’t be sorry, just explain to me what the actual fuck is going on here.”

“My father will let them go… he just needs your father to agree to one of the more controversial trade terms. I asked him not to do this, I really tried but,”

“You didn’t have to get Sicheng to guard me,” you countered. Hendery paused for a second.

“I… I just don’t want my father to get angry at you, Jeno would have let you leave and then he would have been fired and my father… he would have made life harder for you and your country,” he tried to explain.

“I’m not seven Hendery I can make my own choices. Your choice to ensure I’m locked up means you don’t trust I won’t do anything stupid any more than your father would.”

You were really angry, to an extent you understood Hendery’s motivations, you understood he was trying to help you. Yet you also disagreed with his methods and you were angry he didn’t trust you.

“I’m smart enough to know that talking badly about your father to the press wouldn’t help achieve what we are trying to with this marriage…” you didn’t have the energy to argue with him.

“I’ll send Jeno back,” Hendery said, his voice barely a whisper, “I never want to upset you y/n that will never be my goal, I know your intelligent, probably more so than me. My father is a scary man and I let my fear of him overpower my trust in you and for that I really do apologise.”

“If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear?” you replied.

“Is it really time to quote Confucius?” Hendery asked. You smiled to yourself.

“I was just proving I really am intelligent, and anyway I mean it, you are a good person Hendery, trust me, yourself, our marriage will outlast your father and then maybe things can change.”

“My closest ally on the advisory board thinks they will release the prisoners tomorrow and call the situation a misunderstanding, just wait until then,”

“Goodnight,” you said before hanging up the phone. You were still angry, but not at Hendery. You had never made a habit of disliking people never mind hating them, but the President was a man you really hated.

The next afternoon at around 4pm the tourists were released and a short statement was made about a cultural misunderstanding. One the President hoped would not be repeated in the future after the joining of the two nations.

You wanted to stab him through the TV, but why waste a perfectly good TV.

You heard a small knock at the door, you thought it was Jeno telling you that you could come out now, roam free, inside the prison of a house.

Instead stood Hendery, eyes as tired as ever, his face as defeated as your own. He said nothing, merely walked over to where you were perched at the end of your bed and sat down.

He opened his mouth to speak but you shook your head.

“Nothing we can say makes it better, so it’s better to say nothing at all,” you said, before wrapping your arms around him and pulling him towards you. For those few minutes where you just hugged him you thought of nothing. You worried about nothing, you just felt the peace that holding him close brought you.

*******************

“You look beautiful,” Jaemin said to you, you think it was the nicest comment he had ever said to you, it was your wedding day after all, “I’m still sad you wouldn’t let me be a bridesmaid.”

You resisted the temptation to chuck some hairpins at him. You hadn’t thought your bodyguards would have looked good in dresses so you had convinced Hendery to make them the other three of his five groomsmen along with Sicheng and Lucas.

“I think Chanmi looks prettier in pink,” you replied, which was only followed by more protests of ‘”she’s wearing blue, not pink,”- a technicality.

Speaking of Chanmi,

“Five minutes,” she called out. You pushed your earrings in, your hands trembling slightly as you got up and saw yourself standing in front of the mirror dressed in white. The gown was beautiful, expensive, everything you could have dreamed of.

You felt so sick. Jeno walked over and grabbed your hand. He was going to walk in front of you the whole way with Chanmi, the male bridesmaid Jaemin wished he could be.

Chanmi held your other hand and squeezed tightly, reassuring you as they led you down the stairs and out to the car in which your father was waiting. Jeno sat in the front as Chanmi gathered up your dress, making sure it all fit in the car before sitting down beside you.

“What a beautiful day for it,” your father remarked. You nodded back but didn’t open your mouth to speak, you thought you would throw up if you did.

The car drove on in silence, you clutched at some vow cards Chanmi had prepared for you. Reaching over and rolling down the window you chucked them out.

“I’ll just wing it,” you said to her horrified glance, but she never let go of your hand.

The car pulled up outside the church moments later, you could hear the low murmur of the guests inside as Jeno opened the door and helped you out.

Sicheng who was waiting by the door for the rest of the groomsmen looked less anxious to see they had actually arrived just in front of you. They headed inside the church as you tried your best not to hyperventilate outside on the church steps.

“Being your best friend has been my honour,” Jeno said to you, leaning down to kiss your cheek. Through your panic you still managed to look up at him confused.

“You will always be my best friend, getting fake married doesn’t change that,” you replied. Jeno held both of your hands,

“You are not getting fake married though, it may not be a marriage of love but it is a real marriage and for that reason I really hope for you, that he becomes your best friend, that he can take my place and support you like I always have. We never loved each other like that but I hope he loves you like that because you will always be my almost sister and I love you. Don’t be afraid, you’re saving a nation, be proud, and love him too,” he said, a tear fell from your cheek, “no crying, someone worked hard on that makeup.”

You let go of his hands and hugged him.

“I love you too almost bro,” you said as the wedding march began to play and some flower girls that you didn’t even know entered through the doors. Chanmi ran over and gave you a quick hug.

“You will rule the world one day y/n,” she laughed as she let go, handing Jeno a bouquet as they both walked in after the flower girls.

Just you and your father were left, you wiped the tear from your cheek and walked over to him, putting a smile on your face. You could tell he was already sad, you didn’t want to make it worse.

“Time to get married,” you whispered, linking your arm with his and staring onwards.

The doors opened and you stared down the aisle in front of you. You saw Jaemin, Renjun and Chenle standing next to Sicheng and Lucas on the stage. You saw the reverend, you saw your mother, Jeno and Chanmi sitting in the front row, you saw the president and his wife sitting on the other side.

Finally your eyes focused on him as you got closer, step by step.

The sickness you had once felt, gone, the moment you locked eyes with him. His eyes held the same trepidation as yours but the shone through the church as he looked at you.

Your father let go of your arm, kissing your check, before you took Hendery’s hands instead.

The reverend read out a whole spiel but you weren’t really listening, you just stared up at Hendery, trying your best to focus on him and not falling over.

“Today, I promise you this: I will laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals. I will listen to you with compassion and understanding, and speak to you with encouragement. Let us be partners, and friends, today and all of the days that follow,” Hendery said. His words were the first ones you had really heard.

You took a sharp breath inwards realising it was your own turn to speak.

“I had prepared something to say, but I wanted to speak from the heart instead. I promise to do my best to love you and live harmoniously with you as long as we both shall live, to take on the challenges life gives us together. I hope that our marriage can serve as a sign of peace and that the world can feel compassion as deeply as I know you feel it,” you said.

“Do you, y/n y/l/n, take Hendery Wong to be your lawfully wedded husband,” the reverend asked,

“I do,” you replied, your voice thankfully not shaking.

“Do you, Hendery Wong, take y/n y/l/n to be your lawfully wedded wife,”

“I do,” he said, staring down at you with a smile.

“I know pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride,” he said and so Hendery leaned down, kissing you. Only for a few seconds, there were children present, but it was enough to make you blush.

You pulled Hendery into a hug and whispered in his ear,

“I wish I could have chosen to marry you,” you said. Hendery shook his head, still smiling for the crowd.

“I’m feel lucky to get to marry you y/n, whatever the circumstance,” he said, causing you to genuinely smile. Hendery let go from your hug and threw your clasped hands in the air as you walked back down the aisle and out of the church.

The reception was actually quite dull to start off with, you had to greet many political figures, most of whom you didn’t personally know, there was also the ordeal of extended family which hardly ever went well for anyone.

It got a bit better when Lucas and Jaemin got so drunk they started to perform karaoke standing on tables as Chenle cried with laughter watching.

Your first dance with Hendery had been sweet but after that you and Hendery had mostly decided to sit at the side together, exhausted by the whole affair.

By about midnight your head was resting on Hendery’s shoulder as you began to doze off, partly from tiredness, partly from alcohol. Hendery chuckled at how cute you looked.

“Let’s get you to bed,” he said, about to pick you up when you insisted you could walk. Hendery put his arm around your waist, supporting your drunk figure as he lead you to the elevator. You walked along the corridor before he pulled out the key card, letting you both into the presidential suite.

It had two bedrooms and so he walked you towards the bigger one, helping you sit down on the bed.

Chanmi and Sicheng had made sure you both had stuff there and so she had left you a pair of pyjamas to get changed into. Hendery handed them to you and turned around so he didn’t see you getting changed.

“I can’t do the zip,” you complained, tapping Hendery on the shoulder.

“oh yeah right sure,” he said, turning back around and unzipping it for you, blushing when you pulled the dress down before he could turn around again.

“Don’t be silly, we are married,” you said, making fun of him in your drunken haze.

“Doesn’t mean I cant still respect you,” he said, “I’ll go get changed myself and come back in a sec okay?” he said to which you nodded. You took your underwear off and replaced them with the white satin pyjamas Chanmi had left.

Hendery walked back in with a matching pair. You went and brushed your teeth together before Hendery urged you to climb into bed.

“Goodnight, y/n,” he said about to leave before you sat up and stopped him.

“Married couples sleep in the same bed,” you protested.

“You’re drunk, y/n, I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“Snuggling is definitely fine,” you said, something which Hendery struggled to argue with. He put his phone down on the bed side table and shuffled in beside you, wrapping his arms around you.

“I think I could get used to this,” he said, his chin resting on your shoulder. You rolled over to face him.

“You have a good face,” you said. Hendery burst out laughing,

“You’re so cute,”

“Can I kiss you?” you asked.

“So this was your tactic then,” Hendery laughed back, placing a small kiss on your lips, “try and sleep y/n,”

Your face became sad,

“Do you not want to sleep with me?” you asked.

“I’m here, I’m going to sleep right next to you,” he said, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. You shook your head.

“No sleep with me sleep with me,” you clarified, your words slurring together. Hendery’s eyebrows furrowed. When he saw your sad expression through the darkness he smiled slightly, laughing.

“It’s not a question of wanting to, you’re beautiful and I really like you y/n of course I want to do all those things with you, but I’m not having sex with you for the first time when you are drunk, when you can’t give proper consent. Especially for your first time.”

It slowly dawned on you even as drunk as you were that Hendery was much more experienced with relationships than you were, it wouldn’t have been hard.

“You don’t mind that I have never had a boyfriend before, that I have never had sex before,” you said, whispering the latter part.

“You don’t have to whisper it’s not a bad word,” Hendery laughed, “And of course I don’t mind, as I said, I’m fully committed to you and we have the rest of our lives, for now we can just cuddle and sleep okay?”

You seemed satisfied with his answer, falling asleep moments later with his arms around you and waking up the same way nine hours later.

You didn’t feel embarrassed in the morning when you remembered the conversation because Hendery didn’t make it feel like something that was at all embarrassing, he just made you feel calm and safe.

*******************

By that afternoon you were on a flight to a private island, owned by Hendery’s family. His grandfather had owned a brewery there and his own father had worked there before he became president.

Other people lived on the island, local people who would have recognised the two of you and alerted the press with photos.

So before you went to the beach you both put on ridiculously large hats and sunglasses on.

“James Bond has nothing on us,” Hendery remarked as you laughed at his stupid pineapple sunglasses.

“No one would expect the President’s son to dress like this.”

You spent the day on the beach, building a not so impressive sandcastle, jumping through the waves, splashing each other.

Once you had somewhat dried off, Hendery grabbed your hand and led you over to a little ice cream stall where an old man was selling ice cream. Hendery ordered you both one.

“You are a very cute couple,” the man remarked, “is it a special occasion?”

“It’s our honeymoon,” you replied, “we just got married yesterday.”

“Congratulations to both of you,” he said with a smile.

“That’s a rite of passage, isn’t it,” Hendery said as you walked home,

“What is?” you asked,

“Being told we are a cute couple by an older person.”

You giggled as you licked your ice cream,

“I suppose it is.”

You showered after you got back, changing into an outfit Chanmi had packed for you, the dress was lovely, the underwear choices slightly racy.

You walked out onto the patio where Hendery had laid out a fancy table for the two of you. There was a rose in the middle and he held out your chair for you to sit down.

“I have to admit, I didn’t cook the food, I didn’t think that would impress anyone,” he said.

“You don’t need to impress me, I already think you’re great,” you said, sitting down. The food really was good, but you made sure not to drink too much wine to avoid a repeat of the night before.

Your conversation died down comfortably after a while and you both took a moment to stare out at the orchard and the sea that was behind it. You really hoped you and Hendery could move to the island permanently one day. Instead of returning to the Presidential House.

You turned back to see Hendery who was staring at you, a dopey smile on his face.

“I love you,” he blurted out, your heart skipped a beat, “I wanted to say it to you yesterday but I wasn’t sure if you would remember but I love you and I hate my father sometimes but marrying you is the best thing that has happened in my life. We may have married for the sake of international relations but I love you for you.”

You smiled, standing up as he stood up and walking round to stand in front of him.

“I love you too,” you said, “after meeting you I realised I hadn’t really been living real life before, it sounds cliché but you brought colour to my lonely monocoloured life.”

You snaked your arms around his neck, pulling him in to kiss you,

“Will you let me have sex with you know?”

“You don’t know how long I have dreamed of this moment y/n,” he said, staring down at you with love in his eyes,

“The confession of love or the sex?” you joked,

“honestly, both,” he said laughing before bringing his lips back to yours. His lips trailing kisses down your neck before you grabbed his hand and pulled him back inside towards the bedroom.

You barely made it inside the bedroom door before he was kissing you again, your back pressed up against the wall. He gasped slightly when you moved your hands under his shirt, your finger touching his nipple briefly, before pulling off his shirt.

He reacted by unzipping your dress,

“is this okay,” he asked, not pulling it off you until you nodded,

“It’s all okay, Hendery, I want you.” It was all the confirmation he needed. He couldn’t help but admit that it turned him on, being the first and most likely the only man to ever get to touch you like this, now you were married now you were his and he was yours.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said as he unclasped your bra, letting it drop to the floor. One of his hands massaged your breast, the other placed against the wall as your lips met.

Your attention sprung to the growing length underneath his black jeans. You had never seen a dick before in real life.

“Take your jeans off,” you asked him slightly breathless, he was happy to oblige, pulling his jeans off over his legs.

He picked you up bridal style, literally sweeping you off your feet, before placing you back down on the bed,

“As hot as it would be I’m not gonna fuck you for the first time against a wall,” Hendery explained, you nodded,

“Less talking more touching,” you demanded, Hendery grinned a wicked grin.

“That I can do.” Before you knew it he was placing kisses up your thigh, his finger grazing over the top of your soaked panties before pulling them down and throwing them behind him. It was your first time so he knew he had to stretch you first as he inserted a single finger but it was enough to make you let out a sharp moan.

You wriggled slightly in pleasure as he began to pump his finger in and out, before you knew it he had added a second, which was slightly painful at first but at the same time you felt his tongue over your clit, moving in circles and pleasure took over.

“Shit Hendery,” you called out, you could already feel your orgasm building so when Hendery began to move his fingers faster, you let go, your walls clenching around his fingers.

“Such a good girl for me,” he said. You looked up, regaining your sense to see Hendery was still wearing his boxers. A small wet patch had formed at the end of his hard length. You sat up pushing Hendery down.

“My turn,” you said.

“You don’t have to, you know,” Hendery replied.

“But I want to.” You pulled at his waistband, letting his cock spring free. It was slightly bigger than you had imagined and defiantly not as repulsive, in fact the thought of sucking his dick made you wet all over again.

“Tell me how,” you asked him, kneeling down.

“Well start by touching me,” he encouraged, guiding your hand with his own until it was wrapped around the top of his dick, “now slide your hand down and put your mouth where your hand was.”

You leant over and placed your tongue on the tip, licking slightly before putting it into your mouth. Hendery moaned lightly as you began to suck, taking in as much of his dick as possible before moving your mouth back up,

“yeah, fuck, like that,” Hendery groaned.

You tried to take a little bit more into your mouth each time until eventually it caused you to gag slightly, at which Hendery’s dick began to twitch, you kept sucking as his breath quickened and he finally came in your mouth, cum shooting down your throat as you swallowed.

“Jesus,” Hendery said, bringing his lips to yours, the taste of his cum still on your lips, “you are something special y/n,”

He brought his hand down to your folds, checking you were still wet enough for him. He propped himself up with his arms before placing his cock at your entrance.

“Tell me if it hurts, I will go slow, I wont move until you tell me to okay and if you don’t like it we can stop.” He said.

You nodded though you doubted after the first part of the experience that you would want to stop.

When he first pushed in it did hurt, as he moved in and out slowly it stung slightly but with each small thrust the pain was replaced with pleasure. When you finally let out a moan, Hendery started to thrust deeper,

“You’re doing so well for me y/n, you’re so fucking tight,” he hissed, his own pleasure preventing him from talking further.

Neither of you were going to last long and Hendery’s dick was beginning to pulse inside of you.

“I love you,” he managed to say as he came, filling you up with his cum, the feeling of it prompting your own orgasm as you moaned his name loudly.

Hendery kissed your lips softly, hugging you for a moment, before offering to help you clean up, wiping his cum from beneath your legs softly.

“I really do love you y/n,” he said as you both settled back into bed to sleep.”

“I love you too,” you said. What had started out as a sick game between politicians in the name of peace had ended up as something beautiful, as love.

*******************

In the years following life wasn’t always the easiest, the President wasn’t a good man and he made life tough sometimes and you struggled, but you struggled together. You were happy with each other.

You got to know each other more every day and you fell in love more every day. You had two children together and two years after that you renewed your vows in secret with only your children and your closest friends present, to make it clear you did choose to love each other, even if you hadn’t chosen to marry each other.

Ten years later when the President died of a heart attack, came the hardest choice for you both. Most of the country expected Hendery to take over from his father, to become the next leader. He could have, he would have been a brilliant and fair President, but it wasn’t something either of you wanted, you didn’t want the dictatorship to go on. Hendery allowed the people to choose a new president, elections were held for the first time in many years.

Instead of becoming a dictator like his father Hendery moved back to the villa with the orchard with you and your two children. You went to the same beach and built sandcastles with your kids as you had on the first day of your honeymoon.

The orchard where you had both confessed your love was so beautiful. The island didn’t belong to his country or yours. It was on an island that belonged to both of you.

You bought Chanmi and Jeno the house next door, they had gotten married just three years after you, something that had brought you immense happiness. Jeno didn’t guard you anymore but you both lived close enough to watch out for each other, still the closest of friends.

Your children grew up and played together, went to school together. You lived a life that was happy. You had married to bring the world peace but you had also found peace in your heart. Marrying Hendery had once seemed like a cursed fate but really it had been the most blessed fate of all.

You didn’t think people would ever believe such a happy story could come out of an arranged marriage in which the proposal had occurred in the bathroom. It summed up you and Hendery, neither of you knew exactly why you worked but you did. From the day in the bathroom, to the night of the attack, to your marriage to then. You realised you had always seen yourself loving Hendery.

Your love was the only possible outcome.

#hendery #hendery scenarios #hendery smut #wayv smut #nct smut #wayv scenarios #hendery fluff #wayv fluff #hendery fics #wayv fics #hendery imagine #wayv imagine

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jeongi · 5 years

Text

cabin fever | jjk (m)

↣ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | jungkook x reader

↣ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 8k

↣ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 | fluff. smut. mild angst. exf2l au (?)

↣ 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | explicit language and sexual content. oral sex (f + m receiving), fingering, unprotected floor sex (dongs better be wrapped irl), light dirty talk, very soft, fluffy smut. jungkook is sad, soft babie.

↣ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | trapped in a cabin with your ex-best friend jungkook, you’re forced to overcome the fallout between you two.

↣ 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | cabin fever

“We're lost!” Seokjin shouts dramatically from behind the wheel. “Hopelessly and forever lost!” The van’s radio crackles and pops as the soft ooze of music sits underneath your friends’ bantering.

“You're such a baby,” says Namjoon as he smacks Seokjin with the map he's holding. “Relax. I know my maps.”

“You've only been here all of one time—” Seokjin spits back, his fingers clenching the wheel harder. You chuckle under your breath at their bickering, your body immediately tensing as you feel Jungkook adjust himself next to you. A part of you wonders if he’s still alive; you have no idea how he’s managed to sleep through the endless bickering- yet, there he sat, still snoring away. If you remembered correctly, Jungkook was almost impossible to wake up.

You ask yourself why you still felt somewhat nervous in Jungkook’s presence, and for the upteenth time, your memory reminds you of that giant nothingness that now separated you two.

Hoseok giggles behind you and your mood dampens further. His excessive, unwarranted giddiness irritates you on any given day, but today it seems extra warranted. How could you not feel irritated when your ex boyfriend is sat behind you, practically playing grab-ass with his new girlfriend?

You ask yourself again why you ever agreed to come on this trip, let alone agree to be stuffed in a van with an ex-boyfriend and an ex-best friend. And once again, you come up empty. You're sure there must be a reason.

“Hey, focus on the road!” Jyo-en shrills from the seat directly behind Namjoon. “Some of us want to arrive alive and unharmed.” Jungkook once again shifts in his seat, his shoulder pressing against your own and his mouth wide open. You can faintly hear the purrs of soft snoring escaping him.

Alas, your motives come to light. Frankly, you knew you were doing this as a favour to Jyo-en more than anything else. Her undying, one-sided pining after Seokjin had her on her knees begging you to go on this trip with her. There wasn't much that could ever reduce Jyo-en to such a state, but her affection for Seokjin's masculine wiles had been too much for her to bear. The fucker was just too damn charming and you couldn’t blame her either. From the broad expanse of his muscular shoulders, to the plump of his pink, full lips, you figure the chaos that naturally comes from his presence is usually heavily subdued by the sheer epitome of beauty that is Kim Seokjin.

Nonetheless, you had agreed to come on this trip, much against your initial refusal.

“Pipe down back there,” Namjoon shoots. “It could be worse.”

“Yeah,” says Hoseok, “Namjoon could be driving.”

Involuntarily, you snort. It isn't so much the humour that prompts such a response, but the bitterness you can't help but feel. However, that response is lost amidst the sea of laughter that now fills the van, save yours, Namjoon’s and a sleeping Jungkook’s.

Namjoon turns in his seat and glares at Hoseok. “Just because I don't have a license doesn't mean I can't drive.”

Seokjin chortles. “You literally almost drove us straight off a cliff the one time I let you drive.”

“You’re being dramatic. It wasn't even that tall a cliff…”

Beside you, Jungkook smacks his lips in his sleep, and sinks his shoulder further into yours. You absentmindedly wonder what he’s dreaming about.

Do you even care? Probably not. But the mental exercise in speculation offers some respite from the storm of emotion slowly and undeniably building within you. You glance back at Hoseok and Nancy, their disgusting buffet of PDA having no regard for anyone but themselves. You know for a fact you and Hoseok would have never done this. Turning away, your eyes once again fall on Jungkook.

You hope it's a dream better than this.

2:04pm [You]: ugh.

2:05pm [Yoongi]: Lol. What’s wrong?

2:07pm [You]: remind me again why i couldn't come tomorrow with you guys?

2:10pm [Yoongi]: Dude we've been over this, you couldn't swap spots with Jimin because he works tonight. It's the entire reason we're leaving tomorrow

2:10pm [Yoongi]: Is it that bad?

2:14pm [You]: between hoseok munching on his new gf and jungkook literally speaking to everyone but me,,, i’d say this is the car ride from hell

2:15pm [Yoongi]: Yikes

2:15pm [Yoongi]: Sounds about right, but I don't know what I can do from here...

2:25pm [You]: it’s whatever, tell jimin and tae i miss them dearly

2:26pm [Yoongi]: I’ll probably forget

2:27pm [You]: you’re the fucking worst.

You sigh heavily and lock your phone, haphazardly flinging it back into your lap. The van door opens with a whoosh and your eyes immediately squint against the intense albedo that now renders you temporarily blind.

“Did you just fucking hiss?” Seokjin asks, no trace of humour in his voice. You shoot him a silencing glare and he plays along to it, his hand shooting up to his chest as he fakes a few stumbles back. The effort to make you smile is that of triumph, the edges of your lips quirking up to a faint smile. Nonplussed, Seokjin continues. “Well, this is it!” He says with far too much enthusiasm for have driven nearly six hours. He reaches down towards the duffle bag by your feet and you swallow the bubble of discomfort that fills you when Nancy squeals behind you.

“This cabin is huge!” Her voice reminds you of Polystyrene rubbing together. It pierces your skull, scorches the skin on the back of your neck and you internally scream. Hoseok chuckles beside her and you can’t help but want to gouge out your eyeballs with a screwdriver.

When Seokjin swings the navy blue bag over his shoulder, his eyes briefly glance towards the still sleeping figure next to you, his face static in the grips of slumber.

“Hey!” Without warning, a red glove speeds past your face and smacks Jungkook in the nose with a surprisingly satisfying thwack. Immediately, Jungkook jolts awake, shooting you an accusing glare so icy, the snow around you may as well be a sunny beach. Before either of you can react, the glove’s partner in crime follows and smacks him in the face again. “Well, good morning, sleepy beauty,” jeers Seokjin. “Now that you're alive, how about you start helping us move our stuff?”

Blinking in the new light before his eyes, Jungkook sighs explosively, half yawn, half exclamation.

“It’s sleeping beauty, you imbecile.” You think you hear him grumble under his breath. A part of you wishes he’d acknowledge you again like old times. Another- and you convince yourself, a greater- part of you simply cannot be bothered to care anymore.

“I think that’s the last of it!” Namjoon yells from the trunk of the van. You hear him close it with a loud thud, one arm holding a cooler, the other locking the trunk. Seokjin stands by the porch of the cabin, nodding approvingly at the progress. He checks his watch.

“I’m hungry,” he says, “Should we go into town?”

You groan in protest. “Dude, we just got here. You want to hop back in a stuffy van and drive, again?”

“Yes,” he answers without a beat.

“Yup!” echoes Namjoon. You have no idea how he heard this.

“Ah, food would be so good,” Jyo-en says as she comes up from behind you, a hand patting her stomach and a frown adorning her face. You can't help but roll your eyes; she’s not hungry at all.

“Food it is,” Seokjin confirms. Despite the peckish feeling that jabbers at your stomach, you're not certain your appetite can handle another car ride with them so soon.

“You guys go ahead without me, I had a big breakfast this morning,” you lie.

“Suit yourself,” he says with a simple shrug of indifference. Turning away to head inside, you hear Seokjin yell for the others. You’re not sure where Hoseok and Nancy scurried off to, though the list of possibilities is disgustingly short. As if on cue, they near stumble out of the room they had chosen for the night, their lips swollen and clothing frayed. You think you’re going to be sick, and a subsequent twist of your innards does everything but confirm the sentiment.

You need to get out of here. You desperately need to get out of here.

As quietly as you can, you pull your boots on and stuff a spare water bottle in your jacket. The door before you opens, and with a breath, you crunch your way into the snow covered trees. You should have worn something warmer, you scold yourself as you cross your arms over your chest and blow out a huff of air.

The air is still- too still, you think. Even the melody of chickadees sound too far away. Your breath comes out in stiff clouds, hanging seconds in the air before fading away. You shove your nose deeper into your scarf as you aimlessly wander, allowing your thoughts to get as lost as you’re about to be.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d almost be convinced it was four years ago. The way the wind nips your face reminds you of waiting for the train at the worst possible hours of the morning, despite the fact you only had the one class that day.

The rest of the day was for the squad.

This could mean anything from half-attempted study sessions (in reality, a thinly veiled excuse to gossip about your classmates and munch on overpriced cafeteria food) to skipping down to the neighbourhood village just down the street from your university for the far better food that was just as expensive. It could mean sneaking off between classes to a quiet staircase and into Hoesoek’s arms for as many fleeting moments the two of you could steal in a day. It could mean a walk down to the university bar for curly fries and maybe one too many drinks. Sometimes it was the train ride home, hand in hand and falling asleep on each other’s shoulders.

The wind was just as cold as it has always been, but you haven’t been. Somewhere along the line, something had changed. A whole lot of somethings. At some point or another, it all just started to come crashing down until now you stand, here, in a snowy field standing ankle deep in fading memories.

You’d ask yourself how it managed to go to hell so much, so fast. But you don’t feel like opening that vault again— you’ve had it closed for good reason.

The piercing caw of a crow snaps you back to reality. Your eyes open, and the freezing train stations and too-warm classrooms fade away with the snowfall. You feel the first snowflake hit your cheek and when you look up, another hits your nose. Whichever way you go, whether it’s memory lane or the slow, cold walk back to the cabin, it’s going to be a bitch either way. It doesn’t take long for your boots to become soaked, and it takes even shorter for your toes to begin freezing. Your only regret is you find yourself wishing you’d have noticed it earlier; you were too preoccupied with watching the sun’s last stretch across the mountaintops.

Your laugh is what Jungkook remembers the most as you two walked towards the train station on those cold winter mornings. The light fragrance of your perfume that overpowered the icy winds had always made you feel like home to him. And your laugh, the thing he missed the most. When was the last time he’d seen you smile? When was the last time he’d even talked to you? It seems a lifetime ago now.

Jungkook’s fingers hesitantly hold the black pen against his sketchpad as he allows the natural skill of his hand overtake the paper. The desk he’s sat on faces towards the blanket of white snow against a crisp blue sky. He sighs, the view of the mountain sheathed in nothing but white bringing him back to old memories of you.

He can almost taste the pork bulgogi he’d always order at lunch with you. One look is all you had to give in order to silently invite him to eat after class. It was that cocked eyebrow, the slight tilt of the head and he was already transferring money into his bank account. And your scent- soft and subtle against the cold winter air. Even if his lungs were crystalized by the cool winter air, your perfumed scarf still lingered to his nose. You’d always felt somewhat like a distant lover than an old friend. What happened? He happened.

Just as Jungkook blasts his Spotify playlist through his earphones, you walk through the front door. Unbeknownst to you or him, the cause of your melancholy sits on the floor above you in his room. Your hands are freezing, a soft curse escaping your mouth as your teeth clatter and you stomp your way inside. You’re covered head to toe in snow, a sudden icy flurry hitting you on your way back. Perhaps a spontaneous walk down memory lane was one of your dumber ideas but if anything, it was nice to get away from this bullshit for even a little while. And by the looks of it, you’ll be able to escape a little while longer as you stand in the foyer of an empty cabin. You’re alone with your thoughts once again. How did you get here? You ask yourself a million times over.

Shrugging off the weight of your coat, you unravel your scarf and land with a loud sigh against the brown suede couch. It’s a cozy cabin, you’ll have to give Namjoon that much credit but his need to treat everyone as equal despite obvious differences landed you in this more than miserable situation. Your fingers hesitantly uncurl, the heat already uncoiling the ice in your veins. You reach for your phone, the only notification being a “Merry Christmas” email from your dentist. You almost laugh at yourself.

4:04pm [You]: yoongs, entertain me

No reply, instead a big fat, red “not delivered!” pops underneath the message. You frown, annoyed at the world and mostly Jyo-en for dragging you along this getaway from hell. On top of this, the three people you’ve been wanting to see and talk to the most in the world won’t be arriving for another excruciating twenty-four hours. Old Man Winter chuckles to himself as he prolongs your misery.

Jungkook is mindlessly working upstairs, watching the flurry of snow coat the mountains and area around the cabin further. If it weren’t for the gentle ooze of Keshi in his ears, he’d be concerned by the rapid snowfall. His hand works diligently, his sketch near finished as he watches the sun set outside. Somewhere between the last of his shading and perfecting does the lamp in his room suddenly give out.

Silence.

You freeze as the world surrounding you goes absolutely still. The sound of heat coming through the vents stops, the lights flicker off and you’re approaching darkness as the sun settles outside. Fuck, you think to yourself. This could not be happening.

Reaching for your phone, your fingers clamour as you hastily give Namjoon a call.

Straight to voicemail.

You try Seokjin; it doesn’t even ring.

Panic settles over you, your flight or fight kicking in as you think of what to possibly do. You scour the main floor for a landline, anything that could be of use in this situation. Surely there was a maintenance number somewhere? It’s when you’re in the kitchen that you hear the footsteps above you. You freeze again.

Now you’re almost positive it’s an intruder ready to murder you. Like in those horrible, terrible horror movies. Although you’ve played a lot of Outlast, you doubt you could handle whatever the fuck has spawned upstairs. As the footsteps shuffle some more, you grab a knife from the counter and decide if you should wait to be murdered or move towards the sound like every idiot in those movies. But just as you’re deciding, the steps move rapidly down the stairs until you’ve panicked and dropped your knife, shrieking out of pure terror with your eyes shut.

Jungkook stares at you in complete bewilderment.

“_____?” He cocks his head to the side, his eyebrows strewn together in genuine concern. His eyes fall to the knife on the floor, further confusion littering his mind. “Are you okay?”

The voice sounds familiar, too familiar and it pangs you to know exactly who it is.

Your heart plummets to your stomach when you tentatively open one eye and see Jungkook’s big doe eyes staring right back at you.

“Jungkook? What the hell are you doing here?” You put your hand to your chest and sigh a heavy breath of relief. “I fucking...thought…” You look back up at him, the furrow in his eyebrows suddenly flooring you with emotion. You haven’t really looked at him in ages, it feels.

“You didn’t go with the others?” His lips form an innocent pout as he asks. You haven’t realized how much you missed his boyish charm. It’s then that you find yourself observing him head to toe for the first time in a long time. He’s wearing a white t-shirt and (unintentionally, you convince yourself), the plaid red pajama bottoms you got him for Christmas three years ago. Is that how long it’s been since you’ve last spoken? He looks different, more confident, more tone in his body. Although his hair remains the same shade of brunette, it’s slightly longer and rests in natural curls. His jawline is even sharper, you note. From the small mole just under his lip to the faint cleft in his chin, you find yourself completely absorbed in how good looking Jungkook has gotten.

“N-no,” you’re suddenly stuttering as you catch yourself out of flagrant staring. “I thought you did—”

“Nope.” The tension brews around you two, both of you stood across from one another as sudden realization dawns on you.

“The power’s out,” you say and Jungkook nods in agreement. You really didn’t think this day could get any worse yet here you were. “I-I tried calling Namjoon but it wouldn’t go through.” Jungkook taps his pointer finger to his lower lip in consideration.

“Phone lines must be out too,” he said half to himself. “Must be a hell of a blizzard out there.” You shudder involuntarily as you remember the way the wind tore through you on the return journey to the cabin, and with the memory comes the bittersweet nostalgia…

You mentally stomp the memories out. Not the time, not the place. Not anymore.

“Well, I don’t want to starve,” you say as you start to feel your stomach glare at you hungrily. Maybe you should have gone with them after all. An image of Hoseok and Nancy sucking face flashes before you. You shudder again. It might still be hell here, but at least it isn’t a hell so deep as watching them. Besides, this is the most Jungkook has spoken to you in years.

“Fortunately, they left us with the food,” Jungkook says to you. “If memory serves correct there should at least be a box or three of smokies floating around somewhere.” He pulls on a sweater and rubs his hands together in an attempt to warm them up.

“What about the fire?” You ask.

“What about it?”

“Well, I don’t know. Can you start one?” You know for a fact you might be able to, but this isn’t the time for you to test your skills.

“Probably. It isn’t exactly rocket science,” he replies with a smart grin. There’s a small door just under the staircase that Jungkook opens with little to no hesitation. You had always admired how unafraid of the world Jungkook had always been. Perhaps those values washed away when he too walked out of your life.

You snap yourself out of it and roll your eyes. “Jungkook, you’re the least handyman person I know.”

“At least I’m remembered for something,” he replies as he dips below the stairs to search for wood.

You damn near have to stop yourself from smiling.

You’re not certain if it’s just the natural dynamic you shared with him, or if it’s completely circumstantial, but one thing was for certain; like it or not, you found the pair of you swiftly falling back in step with one another in more ways than you’d care to admit… and more ways than you’d care to remember.

It’s almost as if he hadn’t just chosen to vanish from your life for nearly three years. It’s almost as if it were like old times. What had happened to you guys? Why did he stop calling you?

For the umpteenth time, you snap yourself away from this. It’s too late. There’s no use in thinking of the past. You sigh and return to the kitchen, scouring, searching every cabinet and square surface for candles and matches.

A heartbeat or three passes, and a clonking of feet on wood alerts you to Jungkook’s return.

“I've got good news and bad news,” He huffs as he steps back onto the main floor from the cellar.

“Oh, god,” you start. You feel a slight panic coming on again.

“Good news?” He hefts a frayed and worn burlap bag. “I found firewood.”

“And the bad news?” You ask tentatively.

He feigns sadness before he brings out two giant bottles of cabernet sauvignon from behind his back. “There's all this wine, and nobody around to drink it,” he finishes. “Except us, naturally.”

For however brief a moment it was, you knew for certain that the flash in his eyes, the quick smile he now wore, you hadn't seen for years. It seems as though, if only for a split second, the old Jungkook had returned. Somehow sensing your revelation, the moment passes as swiftly as it came, and then a stone faced Jungkook returns.

“I-if you want to, anyway.” The coolness returns without indication, a coolness you are now determined to thaw out.

“I’m insulted you even think you have to ask,” you return playfully. A hint of colour returns to his cheeks, and a fraction of a grin returns. Silently, he sets about starting the fire while you work on opening the wine.

It takes you a second to realize that the wine is in fact corked, and you had not a corkscrew between the two of you. You glance at Jungkook, his back still turned to you, rubbing two sticks together or something. You really don’t know, and he doesn’t share; in fact, he seems quite absorbed in his work.

You glance back at the wine bottle. Taking the lapse in effort, you ask yourself if this was really worth doing- if this was even a good idea.

“Aha!” You hear a whoosh followed by a golden radiance that now permeates the space. “And that,” Jungkook turns towards you, grin wide and proud, “is how you start a fire.”

You’re not only warm, but impressed- leave it to Jungkook to be perfect in literally every department. You suppose he hasn’t lost that talent yet.

Though the feeling of pride quickly fades as you see the can of body spray in one of his hands and a lighter in the other. You raise a questioning eyebrow at him, silently calling him out on his middle school arson methods.

“It was ah, taking too long,” he adds sheepishly, rolling the can of body spray towards the corner and playfully tossing the lighter at you.

“Seokjin is going to kill you.”

“What for? Theft of his lighter, or his outrageous body spray? If anything, I’m doing him a favour…how are you making out with the wine?”

“We… don’t have a corkscrew,” you reply somewhat dejectedly. That half-serious face comes about his visage once more as you see him wracking his brain, trying to solve the problem.

His grin returns. “Don’t worry,” Jungkook says after a minute. “I have an idea.”

“What a waste of a fucking match, oh my God!” You’re sure to sound extra exasperated as you watch Jungkook wrap the loose piece of twine around the neck of wine bottle.

“Do you want to drink or not? Let me work my magic…” Jungkook wears determination on his face, a tongue poking out, eyebrows scrunched together as he ties it once, twice until you’re sure even a wine bottle could choke. You watch as he carefully takes a match and strikes it with the expertise of a pyrotechnic turned for the better. With little hesitation, he lights the twine on fire, a burning noose around the neck of the wine bottle. It doesn’t take ten seconds for the glass to crack open. He’s two for two; at this point, you find yourself enjoying his company more and more.

You’re honestly mesmerized. “How…?” You ask. He lets out a soft chuckle, barely audible.

“It’s magic,” you hear him say as he shrugs. “I don’t have to explain shit.” Another eye roll later, you’re returning to the kitchen and opening the cabinet above the sink in search of wine glasses. To no avail, you find stainless steel coffee mugs instead.

“Is this even safe to drink out of? I won’t choke on microscopic shards of glass?” You ask Jungkook after your third and fourth glasses. It’s a little too late to be asking such a question but you’re sure at this point, your words are a little slurred and nothing quite makes sense. Inwardly, you realize it’s a moot point anyway, and with that realization comes that for the first time in longer than you can remember, you’re just trying to strike up a conversation with him.

It’s hard not to when Jungkook has planted a pile of pillows and blankets in front of the fire, the pair of you sat and drinking potentially lethal wine. Before you lies half-finished board games you two attempted to play yet failed due to sheer anger at the game itself or each other. You’re sure if you were sober, this would be a lot more difficult.

“Magic, _____.” Jungkook slurs, his cheeks flushed and that half grin he does so well. Despite a certain flutter in your chest, you scoff into your mug of wine, small bubbles splashing back onto your upper lip.

“Magic?” You nearly spit. “This isn’t Harry Potter, Jungkook. How exactly do you personally quantify magic?”

A quiet moment passes as he swirls the final dregs of wine in his cup thoughtfully.

“I’d define it as the things you do to me, actually,” he replies before downing the rest of his cup.

Are you hearing things right? Did that actually come out of his mouth? Is this happening? You glance at your own cup. What the fuck is this wine, anyway? You’re drunk. Both of you are.

Jungkook stands and reaches for the bottle, filling up his cup before topping up your own. You still sit in a stunned silence, observing as he tosses another log into the fire, a shower of sparks floating up the chimney.

“Wh… Where did that come from?” You manage. He waves his hand dismissively, breaking eye contact a moment.

“Next question?” He asks as he sips.

Feeling bolder now, you pursue. He isn’t getting away that easily.

“Okay. I’ll put it another way.” You pause to sip, the confidence now flowing nominally through your system. “What exactly happened to us?” There, you’ve asked it.

A silence now spreads the two of you apart, despite the lack of inherent distance between you two presently. Now it seems to be Jungkook’s turn to be stunned into silence.

“I’ve been wondering the same thing this entire time,” he replies. The stone is slowly creeping up to his face.

“You can do better than that,” you egg him on.

“What, now you believe in me?” He shoots back. The venom in his words would take you off guard if it weren’t for how earnest his was before you. He drinks again, gulping this time. He must be on his sixth glass now. You can see the same sentiment in his eyes that you hold in your heart; a universal now-or-never. This is the chance to lay the cards on the table. You know it’s going to hurt, but you know it’s necessary. He rises slowly to his feet, swaying ever so slightly from the wine.

“How about you tell me what happened to us, _____?” Jungkook almost shouts. “We used to be close. We told each other everything. I used to stay up late just to make sure you got home from class or work, I made sure you ate your meals, that your homework was completed. I cared. We both did. Maybe a bit too much...” With this, he sighs explosively and flops down onto the dusty couch behind you, his chin resting on his hand. “We used to be something. I don't know what, but it was there. And now?” He waves an arm absentmindedly towards the window. “Nothing but cold.” The irony, you think. But it's an irony that's been a long time coming, and a certain sick irony that could only come from him.

But the question sticks with you, more than you'd care to admit. Something had slapped you deep inside, and even still it reverberated within you.

No, you're not going to stand here and take this.

“You tell me what happened, Jungkook.” You uncross your legs and rise to your feet, striding towards him. “You stopped texting, calling. You stopped wanting to hang out, and suddenly there was this wall between us. You never even told me what I did.”

For a moment, he looks hurt, as though a thousand predisposed assumptions has just come hurtling down. He regains his composure, though barely, and through shaken words, he continues.

“No, _____.” His face softens. “It isn't what you did. It isn't anything you did, not really.” He's nervous now; his knee bounces, his jaw clenches. You're fairly certain he's beginning to sweat.

What isn't he telling you?

“Tell me,” you whisper. No venom now, merely curiosity, and perhaps a hint of something more. Your hand finds its way onto his own, and your fingers slowly curl around his palm. Contrary to your assumptions, his hand remains there. Even more surprising, his hand reverses and his fingers interlace with your own. A heartbeat passes, and his eyes meet yours.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, _____. I don’t think either of us did anything wrong. Passing ships in the night? Too little, too late? Just bad timing, is that all? Hell if I know.” He takes a deep swig of the wine. “We vibed. Hard. Everything about us was natural and made sense.” You have to agree with this, even now, not talking after so long- you two felt real, felt right.

“No, Jungkook, that’s bullshit and we both know it!” You insist. “You stopped putting in the effort, you stopped wanting to be in my life, you….” It hurts you, a sinking feeling in your chest as you choke out your words. “You wouldn’t even look in my direction the past however long ago it was that you decided to walk away from my life without a single warning.” Perhaps it’s because you’re drunk that tears spring. It’s a deep-seated memory that you’ve brought back, a confrontation that you had always convinced yourself would never happen. “And I don’t even get an explanation why?” This whole situation had to have happened for a reason, you drunkenly tell yourself. If fate really was real, this moment would be its poster child.

Jungkook is staring at you with a look you can’t quite read. You can’t quite decide if he’s about to cry with you or angrily escape this situation. Instead, he places his cup on the wooden coffee table and stands up. His walk towards you in confident, as if he’s ready to expel whatever it is that riddled him in shades of torture for as long as it did. He takes your hands, a slight shake in the way he grasps them.

“I couldn’t stand seeing you with him,” he blurts.

A moment passes, your eyes unleaving as you try and process the weight of his words in your scrambled, drunken mess of a mind. You with who? Hoseok?

“Him?” You find yourself repeating. “Why would you…”

Jungkook sighs and lets your hands go, his fingers moving up to rake his brunette locks away from his face. He’s definitely sweating, you note.

“Wasn’t it obvious, _____?

“B-but what about after we broke up, you could’ve—”

“Could’ve what?” He laughs humorously. “Could have gone back to the way it was before?” He cranes his neck to the side, the palm of his hand rubbing against the skin. “It doesn’t work like that, _____. I’m selfish for you but not that selfish. Staying away was better anyway... neither of us would get hurt.”

But you were hurt, hurt more than the break up itself because at the end of the day, all you wanted was your best friend and even he had left. “You’re such an idiot.” You can’t help but say. “Stupid, stupid idiot. How could you do that?” You want to punch him, slap him as hard as you can for him to feel any amount of equivalence in physical pain that he gave you in emotional pain. All those nights you had laid wondering what you did wrong had all been for nothing?

Your frown deepens, more questions than ever before emerging. “You liked me?” Had you ever even thought of him as more than a friend? You’re not sure you should even be asking these questions with vigour liquor coursing through your veins yet, you remind yourself that the liquid courage has brought you two here thus far.

Jungkook laughs once more, no strain of humour in the vibrato. “That’s an understatement.” He then mumbles and you’re left racking your brain. For a brief second, it makes perfect sense before you completely lose your train of thought. “Besides,” he continues. “There’s no point in thinking what could have happened, I just—” There’s a pause as his chocolates in his doe eyes search yours for something. “Will you just let me kiss you right now?”

This takes you wholeheartedly off guard, your eyes widen as you speak with hesitance. “Y-you want to kiss me?”

“I’ve always wanted to, _____.” How does this phrase create such a powerful flutter in your chest? You wonder if it’s the alcohol or maybe, just maybe, a deep-rooted longing you;d never known you had in you.

Without answering his question, you kiss him first.

As your fingers reach for his face, Jungkook grapples your waist. You feel tiny in the palm of his hands, he thinks as he feels your lips against his for the first time. Jungkook feels as if he’s dreaming- perhaps the alcohol has something to do with that.

Red wine is what you taste the most, mixed with a subtle sweetness of mint. You drown in him, melt against him as he carefully engulfs you into his arms. The fireplace warming the space around is nothing in comparison to the sudden inferno in your chest. It’s then that you realize, this is what you’ve wanted all along.

Your hand slides down Jungkook’s face to his chest. He feels broad underneath your fingertips, a certain firmness to the touch that you hadn’t expected. He only brings you closer, arms wrapping around your torso as his lips press against you harder. His tongue is soft with your own, a gentle roll with your own as a certain heat builds up in your core.

Suddenly, it’s messier. Jungkook’s tongue swipes your bottom lip before planting a soft bite. It releases a whimper from you, earning a quiet groan from him. You’ve never thought this day would come. Are you dreaming?

When you pull away, Jungkook’s full attention is on you only. He runs a thumb over your wine-stained pout, his eyes large and completely enveloped in the sight of you. “I never thought I would get to kiss these lips.” He says.

You moan and lean in for another.

No matter how much your lips fuse together, how much you press yourself against his stronger hold, you cannot get enough nor do you want this to end. It feels right, comfortable to be in his embrace like this, his mouth against yours and chests connected. It’s not long before you’re both succumbing to the fall on your knees against the self-made bed Jungkook made of old blankets and pillows. It’s cozy, neither of you wasting time to run upstairs to a proper bed. You think this is the most romantic setting you could have ever hoped for.

It’s when you’re suddenly on top of Jungkook that you feel a growth settle underneath your core. You feel the sheer girth of it as your kissing intensifies, two large hands coming to rest upon your thighs as they persuade your hips to skim over it. You gasp at the feeling, sure that you’re already soaked beyond measure. It’s not hard for you to already feel him like this, the thin veil of his pajama bottoms being the only barrier away from you having it in you. The thought arouses you far too much, leading to a harsher grind that has you both moan out. You haven’t been touched in a long while.

Jungkook’s hands travel up your sides until he’s cupped both of your cheeks in each palm. Your lips are guided once again to his own as he places a hard kiss against you. With each fleeting moment, your want for him intensifies. You can’t help but think this was meant to be, that you’ve wanted this somewhere deep within you. Perhaps the old you was looking out for the future you.

It’s with both hesitance and confidence that Jungkook inches your sweater up. His hands feel warm against your bare torso, a shiver running through you when they lazily travels up and down your sides. As you pull away, Jungkook gives you that lopsided grin you hadn’t realized you’ve missed dearly until this moment. It almost feels as if nothing has changed, as if there hadn’t been a giant nothingness between you two for so long.

“You look so beautiful.” Jungkook whispers, his right hand reaching to push a strand of hair away from your face. He helps you guide your shirt off before a thumb strokes your cheek, and then your lips. You softly bite it and receive a contempt groan in response.

“Yours too,” you gently urge as you play with the hem of his white shirt. Jungkook grins and lifts his torso before pulling the fabric over his head. He does not hesitate to kiss you again.

With each kiss, the intensity grows until you’re sure you’ve caused a puddle in your pants as you shamelessly grind your cunt against a very erect bulge in Jungkook’s pants. He feels so firm, more built than you could have ever imagined as he pulls you tighter against him. You’re slowly losing your mind before you decide to take the initiative.

“Jungkook,” you mumble against his mouth.

“Hm?”

“Let me taste you.” Jungkook nearly unravels just from those words alone.

“Yeah?” You nod, a coy smile spreading across your face as surely a heavy blush riddles your cheeks in a crimson red. Jungkook merely chuckles, planting a feverish kiss against your mouth. “You’re so adorable.”

You trail kisses down his torso, the definition of muscles in his abdomen driving you absolutely mad. You’re still unable to fully comprehend what exactly was happening yet you’re equally unable to stop yourself. Jungkook helps you get rid of his pants, your mouth instantly watering when his erection lands against his torso with a soft thwack. It glistens against the golden aura surrounding you. He cocks his head to the side. “Think you can take it?”

If that’s a challenge you hear in his tone, it’s a challenge you’re willing to take. You might even think Jungkook remembers how competitive you are. You move down his body with ease before placing a tentative lick against the head of his cock. Jungkook’s hands immediately surrender to your hair, moving it out of your face until he’s made a makeshift ponytail out of his own hands.

“Fuuuck,” he drags out shakily when you take the whole of his head in your mouth. You suck just under his head, a certain ball of nerves that drives Jungkook absolutely mad. The hold he has on your hair acts as an invisible guide, in motion with his hips lifting does he simultaneously move your head down. “Just like that, baby.” You groan against his cock as you take more of him in your mouth. Jungkook is thick, girthy with a prominent vein that sits right where your tongue can trace it. He’s losing himself further and further into you as you begin a steady motion of sucking. Your hand holds the base of his cock as your mouth works wonders, earning you whimpers and curses from him. “So good, so good.” Jungkook gasps when you pick up the pace. It’s when he feels himself really about to lose control that he pulls you away from his cock, a satisfying pop following the disconnect.

“C’mere,” he murmurs before smashing his lips against yours. Though your lips are coated in saliva, his kisses have become sloppier, rougher as he cradles your torso with one arm before flipping you until you’re underneath him. “These have to go.” He pulls at your pants and you giggle with agreeance.

“That would be ideal.”

Jungkook undoes the buttons before tugging them down your legs. You’ve now got nothing on but your bra, a pale violet with a lacy trim on the top. Did you subconsciously know you were going to get fucked by none other than Jeon Jungkook today?

He pulls your legs apart, a satisfied hum escaping him as your glistening folds welcome him. “Fuck, _____.” He whispers as his thumb skims over your wetness. You suck in a sharp breath, the callous on his thumb sensitive against your cunt. You want him to touch you there.

It’s as if he can read your mind, the thumb now dragging over your clit. The sigh of relief you give only fuels Jungkook’s satisfaction more. He too would like to taste you.

You cry out, hands grappling for his torso as he begins circling the thumb over your sensitive nub. “So wet,” he groans.

“J-just for you.” This makes Jungkook move faster with his thumb. He wants to feel you. Jungkook slowly slides the defts of his index and middle finger into you, your cry filling the space. He takes his time, feeling your walls clench around his digits as his thumb simultaneously circles over your clit. He’s amazed by how each thrust of his fingers causes you to coat them farther in your arousal. And you’re amazed by how soon you’re about to come. It only makes his own erection angrier and your cunt clench tighter.

“You coming, baby?” Never would Jungkook have thought he’d get to call you baby. You nod with vigour, each pump of his finger along with the relentless rub of his fingers causing your legs to shake.

“S-so fucking close...oh my god.” You’re coming, you’re coming, you’re— “Jungkook!”

He dips his head in between your thighs, his mouth instantly suctioned to your clit as his fingers continue their torture. With his tongue replacing his thumb, you come undone almost instantly, the wave of pure white, hot filth overtaking your entire body. You shudder, legs trembling as your fingers thread through the lush of Jungkook’s brown locks. Jungkook continues licking against your clit, flicking and sucking until you can no longer take it.

“F-fuck me, Jungkook- please,” you beg as your cunt craves for more. You want absolutely all of him.

Jungkook’s cock is ready, heavy against his palm as he takes ahold of the base and spreads your legs apart. His mouth is wet with your arousal, his chest littered with beads of sweat. “Your pussy looks so fucking good.” He remarks, letting the pink tip of his dick rub against your wet folds. You both moan at the sensation.

With one more rub of his head, he lines himself against your entrance and slowly pushes his hips forward. You think you could come instantly again. Jungkook’s cock feels amazing, full as your tightness grips with so deliciously, even he has to hold himself back from not undoing quickly.

“Fuck.” You let out as you place a hand on his chest, letting the feel of his cock overtake your entire body. He stops when he’s reached the hilt, careful to rock his hips out before slamming them back into you. You can’t help but cry his name out. “You feel so good.” You’re whimpering, the hand on his chest and moving to the back of his neck as you push his head forward to kiss you. He follows suit, beginning a rhythmic pace of his hips as you lose yourself further and further into him.

Jungkook kisses you feverishly, hot and wet against your mouth as he continues to rick in and out of you. His breaths are laboured, filthy words and curses escaping him as you clench around him with each thrust.

“Yeah, baby?” You’re losing your mind, already close to a second undoing. You know you’re going to come again soon. Jungkook takes your legs and places your ankles on his shoulder, plummeting into you with a force so delicious, you’re about to go delirious. You’re so tight, Jungkook can feel himself edging closer to his own end. “Fuck, turn around for me.” You do as requested, turning to your stomach. Jungkook pulls your ass up towards him and lines himself up once again. Without hesitation this time, he pushes into you, a new type of fullness that overtakes your innards. He feels so fucking good.

It’s a steady rock, your ass hitting against his pelvis as he continues a continuous motion with his hips. He’s relentless in his movements, the new position allowing him to reach deeper, feeling you clench tighter.

“Holy fuck,” Jungkook is moaning out. He grabs a handful of your ass, using it as support while he rams into you with no plans of slowing down. The room is filled with the sound of your skin slapping and your deep breath and moans. Jungkook knows he’s so close.

He reaches forward, first and second digit immediately gravitating towards your clit. As he rubs, the familiar rubber band stretches in the pit of your guts. You’re going to come again, you feel it.

It’s when Jungkook whispers into your ear how much he wants to come inside you, that you give out. It washes over you, makes you tighten your grip on the blanket underneath you as you clench so hard around Jungkook that he too comes with you. You feel the spurts of him fill you to the brim until you’re nothing but a puddle underneath him. You lay still, letting his fluid mixed with yours dribble out of you as Jungkook pulls out. It burns to have him away from you. You want him to hold you all night.

“Was that okay?” Jungkook asks, leaning forward to kiss your shoulder. You nod in reassurance, twisting your head around so he can kiss your lips.

It’s then that your phone blares, taking you both by surprise. You rush to your feet, arms reaching for your phone when you see Namjoon’s name flash across your screen.

“Hello?” You answer with no thought.

“_____! Oh my god! Are you okay? There was a huge storm, we’re trapped in town until Monday- did I ask if you were okay? I think Yoongi—” The line fizzles out.

There’s a pause as you look at a curious Jungkook.

“It looks like we’ll be here a while.”

a/n: hey babies! so sorry for the long wait for this one! i really hope you liked it! it’s been in the works for a little while haha. this is my first fic back in a WHILE! and more to come soon! let me know what you think as per usual. i love you so much!!!!!!! and happy holidays to you, your friends and families ✨💞

#bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook #jungkook x you #bts x reader #bts #bangtan smut #oneshot #fic #kpop

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daddysfangirls-anime · 3 years

Text

True freedom

warning: angst, language,

Summary: Reiner Braun x titan shifter reader. Reiner fighting Eren and y/n after she decides to not betray the survey corps and fights him with Eren

“I see...That’s it. I’ve been here too long for my own good. It’s been three long years... We were just kids... we didn’t know anything.”

“We didn’t know any better,” she said but he ignored her

“If only I never knew that there were people like this...I... I wouldn’t have become...such a half-assed piece of shit!” the anguish was clear in his eyes.

“I like these people. I like the half-assed piece of shit you’ve become”

“It’s too late now... I don’t know what’s right anymore. But the only choice for me now...is to face the consequences of my actions...and as a warrior-”

“NO” (Y/n) ran up to him “ forget it, forget it, let us pretend, let us keep pretending to forget everyone live our lives like we're living now. It’s better than being stepped on and used back there. Let’s stay here. REINER PLEASE”

“... fulfill my duty to the bitter end!”

“REINER! (Y/N)!” Bertholdt shouted “Are we doing it?! Now?! Right here?!”

“NOW We’re not doing it at all they don’t deserve this” neither of them listened to her Reiner missed her to the side. If she wasn’t going to help she was a nuisance and a traitor he would be sure to report her once they returned.

“Yeah. We settle this... right here, right now!”

“NO” (y/n) said jumping up trying to grab his arm but he kicked her back. He didn’t give two shits if she was his girlfriend and he cared about right now was the mission. She screamed as Mikasa Jumped up slicing Reiner’s arms and Bertholdt’s neck.

(Y/n) jumped up and ran trying to pull Eren with her “ EREN! RUN!” Mikasa clipped her ankles basically cutting off her feet “ RUN AWAY! GO!” she screamed pushing him forward but Eren just falls back. The others run trying to get to them but Bertholdt changes and the heatwave from his transformation pushes everybody back. Reiner’s titan form catches Eren and (Y/n) before they fall off the wall. He then jumps off the side of the wall and slides down with of them in his hand.

(Y/n) wraps her body around Eren shielding him from the flying debris. She cries in his ear “ I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry” He doesn’t say anything as a few of his own tears fall on to her skin instead bring his palm up to his mouth and biting down. The blast of Eren turning into a Titan pushes her back throwing her off and into the trees where she falls unconscious.

(Y/n) woke up to find several people standing above her and none of them looked happy, Especially Mikasa. She sat up and her face immediately collided with Mikasa’s fist.

“owie”

“Mikasa!” Armin said pulling her back

“The little bitch deserved it. They took Eren. Where did they take him? WHERE?”

“... to the next wall. They’ll meet up with the boss and take him away.”

“WHERE?! WHY?!” She cried struggling against Armin. (Y/n) tried to stand but was met with several swords to the neck held by her friends, and humanity's strongest. Damn this was a bad situation.

“ Listen, We need to move fast. They haven’t gotten away completely we can chase them down. They’re going to use their gear and Reiner. Bertholdt’s titan is too big to move as they need him to so the armored titan is what they’ll use. They won’t suspect us to follow them right now so that’s what we’ll do follow them now. Do the unexpected. Once they passed the next wall we’re screwed. We need to go now-”

“ you turn into a titan?” Levi asked pushing his blade deeper into her skin cutting her skin. She stands to let the blade cut deeper into her skin.

“Yes, and you can kill me super easy. I’m trying to help. Are we going to sit here or get a move on Eren needs saving.”

She pushes the blades away from her in the process she cuts her skin but she doesn’t care instead of letting her abilities heal her and show everyone the truth. She starts running towards the wall. Armin screams her name but she doesn’t listen instead, letting her teeth sink into her skin making herself change.

“What are you doing?”

“Hey, babe! we thought we lost you back there” Reiner said as he jumped down and landed on the branch (y/n) was standing on. He moved in to hug her but she stepped back. He noticed her glass eyes and an angry look. “What’s wrong?”

“What are you doing?” she said in a more stern voice the anger more clear.

Reiner looked confused for a moment like not even he knew what he was doing before he came to his senses and looked at her with a determined look. “ Our mission. What we came here to do in the first place. What are you doing?”

“Opening my eyes and looking past all the brainwashing that was done to me and lies that were told to me. These people aren’t monsters or demons there just that People. People unaware of the rest of the world people who are trapped behind walls unaware of the prejudge and segregation they are being put through.”

“(Y/n) stop-”

“Tell me Reiner did any of those people look like monster or demons to you? If they were true monsters it wouldn’t have been so easy to blend in. They are just people. People in cages.”

“THEY ARE MONSTERS. And our mission is to end them.”

“Well... then I’m a monster too.”

Reiner stepped forward cupping her face “ It’s okay. Let us just forget about this I won’t tell our superiors what you’ve done and we can pretend this never happened, okay? Let us just pretend this never happened” kissing her but she fought against him and pushed him away.

“Go ahead and tell them because I’m not going back. I’d rather live chasing freedom with the monsters than be a peasant and swim in lies made by high-class bigots.”

“(Y/n), I’m sorry ... you’re going to regret this” Reiner then pushes her off the tree branch.

She didn’t stop him as she fell back listening to the screams of Ymir and Eren as fell wind wiping past her ears and tears spilled. And here she thought this asshat was her soulmate.

(Y/n) were walking back to the cabins slowly. They had just finished helping Eren with his gear the boy had done very well it was a wonder as to why he couldn’t do it in training.

“He’s contagious” (y/n) whispered to Reiner as she motioned to the others in front of them.

“What?”

“Eren, he’s contagious running around like that he gives everybody hope in a strange motivational serial killer way. He gives me hope, isn’t that weird.”

“It is. Eren is motivational in his own strange way. Hell, I want to follow the little shit too.” Reiner laughed as he laced his fingers with hers kissing the back of her hand.

“I like it here. I really like it here.”

“It’s not at all what they prepared us for”

“Yeah... it’s a whole new world.” She smiled kindly as she looked up at the night sky where the stars shined bright.

“And we’ll conquer it together.” Reiner smiled sinisterly as he looked down at the camp area where everyone slept

So much for together.

(Y/n) in her titan held Eren Close to her chest and Mikasa sat on her shoulder. They watched as Reiner ran away Bertholdt and Ymir hanging off his shoulder. They didn’t win they didn’t get Eren and they lost (Y/n) they’d be returning as a disgrace, that was for sure.

“AAAAAHHHHHHH” (Y/n) her voices echoing off the mountains Reiner didn’t stop he didn’t even turn around he kept going not looking back. And they were gone just like that.

(Y/n) turned around and followed the others creating a path without titans as help as they made it back to the walls. Climbing the walls she helped injured soldiers and a few horses over putting Eren and Mikasa down on the other side she climbed out of her titan body to stand in front of them she could hear a few horse galping towards her and other soldier drawing their swords at her. Eren and Mikasa didn’t bother.

Mikasa stepped forward and pulled (y/n) into a tight hug.

“Thank you”

“ I should be thanking you guys. If you weren’t my friends, if you weren't kind to me I would have ran off with them.”

“But you didn’t” Armin said pushing Connie's sword down. Her friends followed the unknown soldiers didn’t.

“You know you have a lot of explaining to do “ Eren said stepping forward speaking to her for the first time since everything happened. She shrugged she already knew she had a lot of questions to answer she had told a lot of lies that she now needed to explain. She needed to explain who she really was.

A few soldiers came up and roughly handcuffed her and kicked her on to her knees the others watched conflicted. This was their friend. But, was it? “If you left with them you wouldn’t have to go through any of this” Eren said still confused on why she helped.

“I Know” she looked up at the sky the sun was slowly setting and the skylights darkening. Then she looked at the walls “ But these walls their better than where I originally came from. You might not like them Eren but these walls are the closest thing I’ve ever had to true freedom.”

“(Y/n)” she looked up as Eren kneeled down in front of her “ Thank you”

#attack on titan #snk fanfiction #eren yaegar #attack on titan reiner #reiner x reader #attack on titan fanfiction #aot fanfiction #fanfiction #reiner braun #aot

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honey-dewey · 3 years

Text

Proposal Imagines

I’m back on my bullshit! This was supposed to be short, but then it took a week and a half to write and is almost twice as long as my longest one shot. Oops. These should all be gender neutral and I hope you enjoy! I got to explore two characters I don’t write for very often, so I’m super excited to present this. And there are like, three uses of (Y/N).

Total Word Count: 8,096

Permanent Taglist: @phoenixhalliwell @star-wars-hell

Din Djarin:

Din fiddled with the jewelry, nerves pulling his stomach into complicated knots. He’d been doing research for months, ever since he’d finally felt like it was the right time to get married. Culturally, marriage was like a retirement sentence for Mandalorians, but he didn’t care. He could bend the rules for you.

Finding what to propose with had been hell. In your culture, proposals were done with rings, but in his, you offered your partner your signet if they had none. He had consulted the Armorer, and she had forged him the necklace he was holding now. It was a good compromise between the two customs, they had both decided

It was solid beskar, a loose collar of sorts, ornate and delicate so it didn’t look like you were a slave. Dangling in the center was his mudhorn signet, which would settle between your collarbones.

Shifting in the grass, Din wondered if he’d chosen the wrong spot. But no, the picturesque fields of Sorgan felt right. It was where you’d met, and hopefully, it was where you’d be wed.

“Cyar’ika?” Din said, seeing you come up the ridge. Grogu was with Omera, so this would be a purely uninterrupted moment. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah!” You said happily, seeing the world glitter below you. “This is amazing Din. Thank you for bringing me.”

Din took a breath. Your back was to him, and he decided to do this before his cowardice took over. “Cyar’ika,” he said. “Do you know how Mandalorians say I love you?”

You turned, confused. “No?”

“Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum.” Din was starting to feel nauseous. He really hoped you said yes. “It’s an indirect translation, but it literally means ‘I know you and hold you in my heart forever.’”

“Din,” you said, putting a hand on his pauldron. “What are you saying?”

Din wanted to cry. “I love you,” he said softly. “More than words in any language can describe. I want you here, safe and by my side forever.” He knelt down, pulling out the necklace and watching your eyes go wide. “I know we live dangerous lives. We could die tomorrow, for all we know. But will you honor my wishes today and become my riddur?”

You nodded immediately, tears glittering in your eyes as Din stood and fastened the necklace around your neck. “Din,” you breathed. “Oh Din it’s beautiful.”

“Indestructible too,” Din said, somehow even more nervous for what came next. “I’m unfamiliar with your marriage traditions, but a Mandalorian marriage is very simple.”

You put a hand on the signet charm. “My wedding customs involve a party and a public exchange of vows.”

“We can do it in town, if you want,” Din offered. “I have vows, words that make a marriage official in the eyes of the Maker. But there is a custom of mine that must be done here.”

“What?” You asked, genuinely confused.

Din put his hands on his helmet, but found that he couldn’t lift it. His arms wouldn’t do it. You, understanding, took a gentle step forward and put your hands overtop his. “Can I?”

“Yes.”

You lifted the helmet slowly, revealing his face inch by precious inch. When it was all exposed, you looked him in the eyes for the first time, taking him in. “Oh Maker,” you breathed. “You- I mean- Your-“ You were clearly at a loss for words. “Brown eyes,” you finally said. “Brown fucking eyes. Din Djarin, you and your eyes will be the death of me.”

Din smiled, and he could’ve sworn he heard you swear under your breath. “I love you.”

You nodded. “Ni- damn, I forget. How do I say it?”

“Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum.”

“Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum Din Djarin.”

Marcus Moreno:

To say Marcus was worried about getting married again would’ve been a gross understatement.

He was downright terrified.

You and him had known each other since high school, and had been together for a few years now. You’d been there when his late wife passed, and now he was hoping to marry you.

He just needed one thing first.

“Missy?”

Missy looked up as Marcus slid into her room, looking as nervous as he felt. “Wow Dad,” she said, turning from her desk. “You look horrible.”

Marcus sat on the edge of Missy’s bed. “Come here. I want to talk to you about something important.”

“Is it (Y/N)?” Missy asked as she sat next to Marcus.

“Yeah,” Marcus said. “I love them very much, and I know nothing will ever replace your mother. But, if you’re comfortable with it, I want to ask (Y/N) to marry me.”

Missy smiled. “Dad, they make you happy,” she said. “You don’t need my permission.”

“I know,” Marcus said, pulling Missy into a hug. “But I want to make sure you’re comfortable with me marrying someone new.”

“Well then,” Missy said. “You have my blessing. On one condition.”

Marcus smiled. “What is it?”

“I get to be a flower girl.”

“I think we can arrange that.”

That night, Marcus sent Missy down the street to a friend’s house for the evening. She wished him good luck before skipping out the door, following her friend to her house.

When you came home from work, Marcus was there to pull you close and kiss you, smiling as you laughed. “Someone’s happy to see me,” you said. “You’re not usually home when I get home.”

“I took off today,” Marcus said. “They kept nagging me to take a break, and Missy has off from school too.”

“Where is the little troublemaker?” You asked, shedding your coat and looking around.

Marcus headed into the kitchen, you following him. “Lucy invited her over for the evening,” he said. “I figured we could finally have some adult time. I made dinner.”

You gasped, seeing the food on the table. “Marcus! You didn’t have to!”

“I don’t mind,” Marcus promised, pulling your chair out. “C’mon, don’t let it get cold.”

While you ate, you talked about all sorts of mundane things. Work was the first, and then you complained about the deer that were somehow getting into the garden. Marcus agreed that that was a problem, but promised he’d look into it.

Finally, he was able to take your empty plate and set it in the sink. “Hey babe,” he said, still standing. “I was thinking earlier today.”

“Oh lord,” he heard you say. “Marcus, what’s going on?”

Marcus fumbled with the ring box as he turned and got on one knee. Everything he’d planned on saying, the speech he’d been reciting in his head all day, it was all gone as soon as he saw your face. All he could muster was a small “please?”

“Marcus,” you said softly. “Oh Marcus. Are you okay?”

In truth, no he wasn’t. But he cleared his throat and finally found the ability to speak. “I know,” he said softly. “I know you said we would never need a ring, but I think the time is right, and I love you more than anything in the world.”

You slid out of your chair and knelt in front of Marcus, so you were on his level. “Marcus,” you said, putting your hands on his face. “Are you ready for this?”

Marcus nodded. “I am,” he promised. “And Missy is too.”

“Then yes,” you said, smiling wide. “I can’t wait to marry you Marcus.”

“And I can’t wait to marry you,” Marcus said, pulling you into a tight hug and cradling you close. “Thank you.”

You laughed. “As if I could ever say no.”

You and Marcus stayed on the floor until you heard a familiar voice say, “Did you ask yet?”

“Missy!” Marcus looked up quickly, surprised. “When did you get home?”

“Just now,” Missy said. “Was it a yes?”

You opened your arms, tugging Missy into the hug pile on the floor. “It was a yes.”

Max Phillips:

You loved Max more than anything. He was kind to you, handsome, and an all around good boyfriend. Not to mention the fact that he was undead, which was a surprising perk.

However, lately, he’d been acting really weird.

It was an unsettling kind of weird. He would spend more time than usual away from you, he was definitely hiding something, and he was so damn jumpy and defensive when you asked about it.

Finally, you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Max!” You shouted through your townhouse. “Max! I want to talk to you! Now!”

Max came up from the basement, which had been named his area for vampire shit, so you never entered. “What’s up babe?”

“We’ve been dating for a while now,” you said. “So I know when you’re hiding something from me.”

“Babe,” Max said, almost warningly. “Stop.”

“No!” You said, finally putting your foot down. “What the hell are you doing? You’re in the basement all the damn time, I never see you, and you always act super guilty around me! What the hell?”

Max’s face paled, and he sat at the kitchen table. “Babe. Please, I can’t-“

“Jesus,” you grumbled, already knowing where this was going. “Max! I love you! I love you a lot! But this again?”

“I’m trying to find a way to propose to you!” Max snapped, standing quickly.

You stopped, mouth open. “Propose?”

Max nodded, and you were sure that if he could, he would be crying. “Yeah. Propose.”

“Oh.” You felt oddly guilty for yelling now. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Max mumbled, sitting back down. “I should’ve been more open with you.”

You shook your head, moving closer to Max so you were standing between his legs and he could rest his head on your chest. “Max, I’m sorry I yelled. But I don’t understand. Why were you spending so long in the basement to try and propose?”

“When a vampire takes a human partner, a typical proposal includes a turning,” Max admitted, his words muffled by your shirt. “I was researching and preparing.”

You smiled. “Do I get a ring too?”

Max chuckled a bit, and you were glad to hear it. “Yeah. I found a nice black one with rubies in it. It’s downstairs.”

“You had all of this planned out,” you said, burying your hands in Max’s hair. “Right down to the ring.”

“Right down to the ring,” Max agreed with a smile. “I was going to propose officially this weekend.”

“This weekend,” you murmured. “I’ll clear my schedule.”

On Friday evening, Max finally took you downstairs, clearly nervous. The basement was small, and Max had only made it more cramped by putting what you suspected was a tattoo chair in the room. It had thick leather straps that unnerved you, but from what Max had said last night when he explained turning, you would need them.

“Max,” you said softly, sitting in the chair and watching your boyfriend shuffle around. “I’m scared.”

“I know,” Max said softly, passing a ring box over and over in his hands. “Here.”

The ring inside was beautiful. It was minimalistic, a simple band of black metal with a small ring of tiny rubies that glittered in the artificial lights. “Max,” you said, sliding the ring on. “I love it.”

Max smiled, kissing you. “I’m glad. Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Max was very careful strapping you down, and when he was done, he kissed your forehead one last time, mumbling out an apology before sinking his fangs into your neck.

It was like nothing you’d ever experienced. Max had fed from you before, but this, this burned like someone had injected you with lava. You were sure you were screaming, and then your vision went black.

You woke Tuesday morning, a sharp metal taste on your tongue. Max was beside you, reading a book and blinking very slowly. Even for an undead vampire who needed no sleep, days on end without resting was hell, and it showed on Max.

“Babe!” Max said, noticing you were awake and standing quickly, abandoning his book. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes?” You said, confused. “My stomach hurts, but I don’t want food.”

Max nodded, undoing the straps and helping you sit up. “You’re thirsty. Here, try this.” He handed you a bottle and you chugged half of it, feeling a warmth spread through your body. “Feeling better?”

You nodded, putting the bottle down. “Yeah. Did it work?”

“Yep,” Max said, kissing your forehead. “You’re a vampire, and we’re engaged.”

That sent a giddy feeling through you. “We are going to have the weirdest wedding ever.”

Max laughed. “I agree.”

Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales:

“Babe!” You shouted through the house, knowing Frankie was downstairs. “I’m taking a bath!”

“Oh!” Frankie said, and you could hear him thudding up the stairs. “Use this! I found it off Instagram, well actually Benny found it, but he said you might like it!”

You smiled, taking the black bath bomb. “This is very Game of Thrones-y,” you said, turning the bath bomb over in your hands. It was black, with a vibrant orange stripe around the middle. The entire thing was egg shaped, with small scales that made you fairly certain it was supposed to be a dragon egg.

“Eh,” Frankie said with a shrug. “It wasn’t marketed as a Game of Thrones egg, but I guess it does look really Mother of Dragons-ish.”

You laughed, kissing Frankie on the cheek. “Thank you. I’ll use it. But when I stain the tub, you’re cleaning it.”

Frankie stuck his tongue out at you, and you scrunched your face at him as you closed yourself in the bathroom.

Once the bath was filled, you’d lit a candle, set up a glass of water, and got into the tub, you began to slowly unwrap the bath bomb. The smell was familiar, in a weird way. It smelled like fruit and wood smoke, the same smell Frankie carried on his whenever he went camping and ate an entire pound of strawberries. You smiled, dipping the bath bomb under the water and relaxing as it hissed and bubbled, slowly turning the entire bath black.

The bath bomb was mostly fizzed away when you saw something in the bath with you.

Your immediate reaction was to freak out, but it clearly wasn’t a bug, nor was it anything disgusting. It was a clear plastic sphere with gold inside.

Curious, you scooped the small sphere out and rolled it over in your hands. You’d heard of bath bombs having small surprises in them, and Frankie must’ve not realized. You popped the sphere open, fully expecting a small toy.

You did not expect a ring.

The ring was gorgeous. The metal was a darker grey, with an upside down teardrop shaped gem in the middle that shimmered in all sorts of oranges and pinks and reds. Circled around the round part of the gem was a tiny dragon, almost like it was defending its hoard.

You smiled, setting the ring on the floor and turning back to the sphere. There was one more thing inside. A small slip of gold paper. Written on one side of the paper was care information, the size, the return policy, and on the other side...

“Francisco Morales I am going to kill you!” You screamed, standing and sending water sloshing everywhere.

The other side of the paper read ‘Will you marry me?’

You could hear Frankie laughing on the other side of the door as you quickly wrapped yourself in a towel and yanked the door open. “Explain.”

Frankie was sitting on the floor, a huge dorky grin on his face. “You said you didn’t want a traditional ring. And Benny actually did suggest the bath bomb. Really, if anyone should be in trouble, it should be him!”

“Good god Frankie,” you mumbled, scoping the ring up and examining it. “It’s beautiful.”

“Is it?” Frankie asked, standing to get a better look. “There were ten options. Oh, that one’s my favorite.”

You sighed. “Are you also going to get a dragon ring?”

“Yeah!” Frankie said eagerly, taking his phone out of his pocket. “Mine’s more masculine, but it has the scales, and the stone is the same.”

“You know,” you said, fiddling with the ring. “You never actually asked me.”

Frankie’s eyes went wide. “Do you want me to?”

Smiling, you shrugged. “If you want to.”

Frankie took the ring from you and got down on one knee. “Baby, will you marry me? Even if it is with a dumb dragon ring?”

You laughed, nodding and kneeling down so you could kiss Frankie. “Absolutely Frankie. I will marry you. Dumb dragon ring and all.”

Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels:

You sighed, examining yourself in the mirror. You’d chosen one of your favorite formal outfits for tonight, as Jack had asked. He was coming directly from work to pick you up, and you couldn’t wait.

You’d known Jack for a long time, and you’d been there for him through thick and thin. When you started dating, he was reluctant and hesitant. But now, five years later, your relationship was as natural as breathing.

“I’m home!” Jack called through the house, and you rushed out to meet him, kissing his cheek and smiling.

Jack slid a hand down your back as he kissed you properly. “Why hello,” he said smoothly. “Are we ready to go darlin’?”

You nodded, bending down to put your shoes on before righting yourself and shifting a bit to get comfortable. “Yep! Ready to go. Still don’t know where we’re going though.”

“I want to treat my baby on our anniversary,” Jack explained, keeping his hand low on your back as you walked to his car. “We’re going out to dinner.”

It had been so long since Jack had taken you to dinner, and you were surprisingly eager when he helped you into the car. “Where are we going?”

“Out,” Jack said, putting his hand on the center console and grinning as you automatically held it on your own. “It’s a surprise, baby.”

You pouted playfully, smiling as Jack began to drive. Jack was the master of planned surprises, and you had no doubt that this night would be unforgettable.

The restaurant was very nice, something you had assumed considering your current state of dress. Jack even left his hat in the car as he walked out. He had a reservation, and the waiter showed you two to your table with a friendly grin.

“Jack,” you said happily, looking around. “This is lovely.”

“Five years,” Jack replied, taking your hand. “It’s a big number. I wanted to do something special.”

You laughed. “Jack, honey today would’ve been special no matter what.”

The waiter came back, and you two ordered dinner, Jack reassuring you that you could get whatever you wanted.

For a little over half an hour you two talked, ate, and laughed together. Jack told you about work, making you laugh when he told you about how Tequila, who you’d met exactly once, had tried to use Jack’s lasso to grab a chair and accidentally pulled said chair into his face, giving himself a black eye.

Once the food had been eaten and you were considering dessert, you noticed Jack was starting to look nervous. “Jack? Is everything okay?”

Jack nodded. “Yeah, baby. I’m fine. I actually have a question for you.”

“Okay?”

“I’ve loved you for a while,” Jack said, taking your hands. “You make my life so much better and you saved me from living alone and sad. I’ve called you mine in words for fine years now, but I want it to be official.” Jack moved, still holding your hands, and knelt down in front of you. “I know our relationship is rocky, but I love you so much. Will you marry me?”

You swallowed down tears, trying not to cry your eyes out in public. “Jack,” you said softly. “Yes. I will.”

Jack dropped one of your hands and pulled a ring out, sliding it onto your finger.

There was dead silence, and then someone began to clap, starting a tidal wave of noise and congratulations.

The rest of your night was spent in varying states of euphoria. Jack joked, as he led you back to the car, that you two could consummate the marriage in the back of his car.

“Okay casanova,” you said with a laugh as Jack undid his tie and top button of his shirt. “Can it wait until we get home, at least?”

Jack smiled, draping his tie around your neck and pulling you close for a kiss. “No, I don’t think so,” he purred into your ear. “Shall we?”

You pretended to consider. “Y’know what?” You said softly, leaning in so you were speaking directly into Jack’s ear. “I think we shall.”

Ezra:

To say Ezra was a man of many words would’ve been an understatement. He was arguably a man of too many words, each one more elegant than the last. He could come up with elaborate poems basically on the spot, and writing was a piece of cake for him.

So why was he having such trouble trying to find the right words to propose to you?

Ezra sighed, looking at the small ring box with the ring inside. He’d commissioned it custom, so that the stone was one he’d collected on your first prospecting trip together. You were completely unaware of his antics, he hoped. The only thing Ezra had left to do was find the words to propose.

Which was proving to be harder than he’d originally anticipated.

“Ezra?” You said from the other side of the pod. “Ezra? It’s dinner time.”

Ezra sighed, putting the ring in his pocket and pulling aside the divider that separated the pod into rooms. At this point, he was bracing himself for just winging it and hoping he was just as poetic in the moment.

“Hey Ez,” you said, turning when he walked into the kitchen area. “Long day?”

“Is it that obvious starlight?” Ezra said with a laugh. “Today was a lot.”

You smiled, putting a plate in front of Ezra. “Well, at least dinner is done.”

Ezra nodded, tangling his feet with yours when you sat down with your plate. “Starlight, I was thinking today.”

“Oh?” You said around a mouthful of food. “That mind of yours is truly never idle, is it?”

“You know me so well starlight,” Ezra said. “I was thinking about our future.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Our future? Ez, what do you mean?”

Ezra shuffled his feet, still keeping his ankles tangled around yours. “I was filling out paperwork today for my solo job.”

Your face fell. Ezra had been offered a solo job that you were unable to do with him. He’d be away for months, and last time you and him had been apart, he’d been marooned on the Green and came back four years later with one arm missing.

“Oh starlight,” Ezra murmured, taking your hand. “No, it’s not bad my dear. I was reading the papers again. In the fine print, I found something that intrigued me. There is a way for you to accompany me.”

You perked up at that, and he could see the hope in your face. “Really?”

“Yes,” Ezra confirmed. “My starlight, I am allowed to bring family members by blood and by law.”

“By law?” He could see the confusion take over your face. “Ezra, what are you saying?”

Ezra put his hand in his pocket, hoping this wouldn’t all backfire. “Starlight, I’m asking you to marry me.”

You were quiet for a second as he pulled out the ring and held it out. “Ezra,” you breathed softly. “Are you serious?”

“I have loved you for years, starlight,” Ezra said. “And marriage has always been something I wanted to discuss with you. But this job made me realize I want nothing if I can’t share it with you.”

“Oh Ezra,” you said, taking the ring and looming closer at it. “Is this?”

“The first stone we harvested together,” Ezra confirmed. “It is.”

You swallowed hard and smiled. “Ezra. Of course I’ll marry you.”

Ezra carefully put the ring on your finger and pulled you across the tiny table to kiss you deeply. “Thank you my dear. I think you have truly made me the happiest man in the universe.”

“Anything for you, Ezra,” you murmured, already looking forward to a future by Ezra’s side.

Shane ‘Dio’ Morrissey:

Shane was not a marriage guy. Not in the slightest. You’d asked him once about it, mostly for tax reasons, and he’d immediately told you he wasn’t going to do all that shit for a piece of paper and a ring.

So you’d never brought it up again.

However, you’d been dating Shane for almost seven years, and you’d only just noticed something peculiar about him. He never really wore his jewelry or any of that around your apartment, mostly because when he was home he wasn’t Dio the goth king of New York, he was Shane the weird but funny boyfriend. But you’d noticed when he was taking his rings off one day that he wore one or even two on all of his fingers except for his left ring finger.

“Babe?” You said, sitting beside Shane on the couch while you two watched Jeopardy. “Why don’t you wear your rings in the house?” You’d been playing with Shane’s hand during the movie, and you’d finally managed to ask him.

“I don’t want to bring Dio home,” Shane said, curling his fingers around your hand. “I’ve told you that before. Why?”

You shrugged, still not looking at Shane. “Dunno. Curious.” You traced your index finger down Shane’s ring finger. “You don’t wear a ring here.”

Shane was quiet for a minute before he sighed. “Baby, I don’t want to wear a ring there. Yet.”

“Yet?” You asked, apprehensive.

“One day,” Shane said slowly. “I’d like to get married. But I’m young, and I’m king, you know.”

You smiled. “I can’t rule alongside you?” You asked.

Shane laughed, kissing your head. “Maybe one day you can, my dove.”

The next day, while you were out, you stopped by a small local business that you and Shane both loved. He got most of his Dio clothes at the shop, and you occasionally found something for yourself, like the patched leather jacket that matched Shane’s.

“Hey! It’s the soon to be reigning monarch of New York City!” Marissa said happily upon seeing you come in. “How’s it hanging?”

“Hey Ris,” you said, looking absently at a pair of vintage style pants. “I’m doing good, and so’s Shane.”

Ris smiled. “Only you could have the guts to call the king of New York by his actual name.”

You laughed, leaning on a jewelry case to talk to Ris. “He asked me to! I’ve told you before, he doesn’t bring Dio home with him. He’s a bad influence on my kind, law-abiding boyfriend.”

Now it was Ris’s turn to laugh. “Oh honey,” she said. “Now I know you’ve lost it.” She paused, seeing you looking mesmerized into the case below you. “See something you like?”

“Yeah, actually,” you murmured, pointing to a specific ring. “That.”

Ris pulled the ring out. “It’s Dio’s size,” she said softly.

“Oh Ris,” you mumbled. “Shane and I were talking about marriage yesterday. He said he wasn’t ready yet, but he had that look in his eyes. Y’know the one where he’s hiding something from me.”

“Honey,” Ris said, cutting you off. “If you feel the time is right, go for it. Don’t wait for him to ask.”

That afternoon, you went home with the ring in your pocket. It truly was a very Shane ring. You’d feared it would be overly simple and lost among the heavy and ornate rings Dio wore all day, but the small skull made from a gleaming pearl that was set into the band of dark metal was the perfect balance between Shane and Dio.

All you had to do now was ask.

You planned to ask during dinner, but Shane wasn’t home for dinner. He’d left with his long leather coat, so you could only assume he was out doing Dio things. So, instead of eating dinner with Shane, you ate alone, the ring box growing heavier and heavier in your pocket with each passing minute.

Finally, about halfway through Jeopardy, which you hated watching without Shane, he came home. He looked exhausted, falling onto the couch without taking his rings or coat off. His eyes blinked closed and he let out a long breath.

“Shane?” You asked, scooting and pulling your boyfriend’s head into your lap. “Long day?”

“Too fucking long,” Shane agreed, a smile pulling at his lips when you began to rub his temples, hoping to clear away his headache. “How’s Jeopardy?”

You shrugged. “Boring tonight,” you said. “No good categories.”

Shane yawned, and you carefully took his hands, beginning to take his rings off. “What did I ever do to deserve you?” He asked, opening his eyes so he could watch you as you lined each ring up on the coffee table.

You smiled, putting a ring with a heavy bird skull on the table. “How do you wear these all day?” You mused, mostly to yourself. “These rings must weigh a few pounds, at least.”

“You get used to it,” Shane promised, rolling so he could wrap his arms around your waist. “C’mon, I wanna snuggle.”

“Alright,” you said, abandoning the rings. “We can snuggle.”

The next morning, Shane had to leave again, but he was able to delay it so you and him left at the same time when you left for work. As he got dressed, you looked over his ring lineup. Slipping the one you’d bought yesterday into the line, you perked up as Shane came out of the bedroom.

“Looking good,” you said happily, seeing Shane in your favorite, a tight pair of leather pants and a black tank top. “C’mere, I wanna see if I remember where all your rings go.”

Shane sat on the couch, holding out his hands and grinning. You mirrored his grin, starting on his right pinky finger and working your way in. It was easy, considering you’d put them in order yesterday. When you reached his left hand, you started to get nervous. But there was no backing down now.

“And one more,” you said, sliding the skull ring onto Shane’s left ring finger.

He looked down at his hands, confused. “Babe, I’ve got an extra.”

“I know.”

Shane lifted his head, meeting your eyes. “Are you proposing?”

You shook your head. “No!” You said, maybe a bit too quickly. “No, I just, I wanted you to have something to remind you of me while you were out, and-“

“Yes.”

You stopped, voice failing at Shane’s single word. “Yes?”

“Yes,” Shane repeated. “I’ll marry you if you want.”

It took a minute of dead silence for you to understand what Shane was saying, but when you did, you couldn’t hold back the tears. “Shane.”

Shane was equally as emotional as you, his tears running black and making you laugh. “Shane,” you giggled. “Your eyeliner.”

“Oh.” Shane touched his cheek and began to laugh. “Dammit! I’m gonna have to fix that.”

You smiled, pulling Shane in for a kiss. “What if we stayed home today? To celebrate?”

Shane scooped you up, holding you tight against his body as he carried you to your bedroom. “Y’know what? I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

Javier Peña:

Having Javier home was the greatest gift of all. He’d been in Columbia for so long that you’d almost forgotten him, the way he laughed and cried and spoke. And then, by some miracle, he came home and to you.

Which was where you were now, home in Texas while Javier received phone call after phone call, and you occasionally caught snippets of the conversations, something about Cali and Columbia. You were scared to ask what that was about, but at the same time, not knowing was killing you.

“Javi,” you said slowly one night, while you were making dinner. “What was that latest call about?”

“Work,” Javier grumbled, coming up behind you and pressing a kiss to the back of your neck. “I’m sure you’ve figured this out by now, you’re not stupid, but they want me to go back.”

The thought of that chilled your blood. “And they still won’t let me come with you?” You asked hesitantly.

“Probably not,” Javier said. “Circumstances are, if you can believe this, worse than they were when I left.”

You made a face, pulling a pan off the heat and sighing. “Javier,” you said. “What if we got married?”

Dead silence. You almost regretted asking, but you needed an answer.

“No,” Javier said finally, voice sounding strangled. “No. If we were married, you’d be able to come with me, but I won’t allow that.”

“Why?” You were sure he could hear the heartbreak in your voice.

Javier shook his head. “Because what I saw down there was enough to scar me for ten lifetimes!” He said loudly. “And I don’t want that to happen to you.”

You trembled, nodding your understanding. Javier slowly got closer, wrapping you in a hug. “I’m sorry I raised my voice,” he said gently. “But you must understand. It’s not that I don’t love you or don’t want to marry you. But I can’t risk you getting hurt, okay?”

“Okay,” you mumbled.

Three weeks later, you waved goodbye to Javier, tears pouring down your face. He looked equally as torn, but he kissed you firmly and promised, just as last time, he would be home again.

And home again he was.

For months, you tended to your house, waiting for the day when you’d hear Javier’s car pulling up on the rough gravel driveway. You almost lost hope more times that you could count, but the promise of having Javier home kept you going. He called, of course, and he wrote letters you put on the fridge. But nothing was the same as having the real Javier beside you.

It was the dead of winter when he returned home. Of course, Texas weather meant that it was still nice and warm out when you heard the car in the driveway. Perking up, you tried to remember if you’d invited anyone to visit.

Peering through the peephole in the door, you sighed, seeing Javier’s oldest sister coming up to the house. “Hey Maria,” you said as you opened the door. “How’re you?”

Maria shrugged. “Good. Missing my little brother, but what else is new?”

You smiled. “Yeah. Come on in. I didn’t know you were coming today.”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Maria admitted. “But I was in the area and figured I’d drop by to see how you were holding up.”

“Yeah,” you said slowly. “I’m doing fine. Javi wrote last week, and I’m so sorry, but the AC is completely dead. Do you wanna go outside?”

Maria nodded. “That works. Sucks about your AC.”

You tugged open the sliding door, looking back at Maria. “Eh. It’s fine. Simple fix, I just can’t do it myself.”

As you turned, you felt your stomach drop to your shoes. “Javier?”

Your boyfriend smiled, standing nervously in the yard. “Surprise.”

After a second of stillness, you launched yourself at Javier, laughing and wrapping him in a tight hug. “You’re home!”

Javier hugged you back, burying his face in the crook of your neck. “I’m home,” he murmured into your skin. “And I have a surprise for you.”

You pulled away, watching Javier take a small box out of his pocket and dropping to one knee. “I’m so sorry,” he said as you gasped softly. “I should’ve asked before I left, and I should’ve taken you with me. I was just scared you’d be hurt, and I didn’t want to risk that. But I see now, I don’t want to go anywhere unless I can have you beside me. So please, my love, will you marry me?”

“Yes!” You said happily, falling to your knees and pulling Javier in close. “Yes. I will.”

Javier smiled, kissing you gently. “I figured a late proposal was better than no proposal at all,” he said.

You laughed. “I agree.”

Maxwell Lord:

Max took a breath, trying to calm his racing mind. He’d been doing this periodically for over three hours now, as the clock grew closer and closer to five PM.

Five PM. When he was supposed to pick you up and take you out for the night on a simple Valentine’s Day date. He’d take you to dinner, and then you two would walk around the reflecting pool, taking in the sights of DC at night. Hopefully, Max would work up the courage to get down on one knee then, but with the way things were looking right now, that wasn’t going to happen.

“I’m a coward,” Max groaned into his hands, looking at the clock again. Four thirty.

“Daddy?”

Max immediately sat up, smiling wide as Alistair walked into the room. “Hey!”

Alistair looked at Max’s desk and the ring box sitting next to his lamp. “What’s that?”

“This,” Max said, pulling Alistair into his lap. “Is a ring for (Y/N).”

“Like a wedding ring?”

“Exactly like a wedding ring,” Max said, throat growing tight. “I’m going to ask them to marry me today.”

Alistair smiled. “Will they say yes?”

“I don’t know,” Max admitted. “I hope so.”

“They love you a lot,” Alistair said. “They told me so!”

Max paused. “They did?”

“Mhm!” Alistair nodded. “They told me last night that they love you a lot and they want to spend every day with you.”

Suddenly, Max’s anxieties over proposing melted away a tiny bit. “Thanks for telling me,” he said, kissing Alistair’s cheek. “That made me feel much better.”

At five, Alistair waved good luck to Max as he went to go pick you up, and Max waved back, the ring box heavy in his pocket.

You were waiting on the couch when Max entered the house, still in your pyjamas. “Maxie?”

Max immediately rushed to your side, seeing your lidded eyes and the green tint to your skin. “Babe? Are you okay?”

You nodded, and then shook your head quickly, leaning over and dry heaving into a bucket by the couch. Max rubbed your back, suddenly worried. “Babe?”

When you resurfaced, you looked incredibly guilty. “I’m so sorry Max,” you said softly. “I know you had a lovely date planned out, but y’know how I told you one of my coworkers brought us takeout yesterday? Well the chicken I ate wasn’t good, and me and the other person who ate it have food poisoning.”

Max made a noise of sympathy, shedding his coat and undoing his tie. “Don’t feel bad,” he said. “I’ll reschedule the reservation, and we can go out next weekend.”

You smiled weakly. “Thank you Max.”

Max left you on the couch while he went upstairs to put his pyjamas on. As he changed his pants, the ring box fell out, and Max’s breath hitched. Well there went his plans to propose. He could totally do it next weekend, when you felt better.

“Max?”

Max’s head snapped around, seeing you in the doorway, looking at him with confusion. “Babe!” He said quickly. “Why aren’t you on the couch?”

“I had to use the bathroom,” you said, coming closer. “Is that a ring?”

Max took a breath. No hiding it now. “Yeah,” he said slowly. “It is.”

You winced, and Max helped you sit on the bed. “Were you going to propose tonight?”

Hesitantly, Max nodded.

He heard your breath hitch, and then you started to cry, big hiccuping sobs that broke his heart as he pulled you into a hug. “Shh,” he comforted, rubbing your back as you cried into his bare chest. “Shh, it’s okay.”

“But it isn’t!” You sobbed. “I ruined your proposal!”

Max shook his head. “You haven’t ruined a single thing, my love,” he promised, rocking back and forth the same way he did when Alistair was crying. “None of this was your fault, okay?”

You still cried for another ten minutes, and when you were drained of tears, Max still held you close, allowing you to slump against his body.

“Babe?” Max finally breaks the silence. “Are you okay?”

“No,” you whimpered against his chest. “Feel bad.”

Max sighed. “Physically?”

You nodded.

“How can I help?” Max asked, kissing your forehead. “Do you need water?”

“No,” you said hesitantly. “Just wanna stay here.”

Max smiled, smoothing a hand over your hair. “Okay. We can stay here.”

Late that night, after the sun had set and midnight had come and gone, you were still awake, throwing up as Max held your hair off your face and rubbed your back. “Oh babe,” he said, seeing your face stained in tears. “Hey, I’m right here. I’m never leaving.”

You breathed heavy as Max helped you lean against his chest, your shoulder blades pressing against him, but he wasn’t about to complain. “Max?”

“Yes?”

“Are we engaged now?”

Max blinked a few times. “What?”

You turned, so he could see your eyes. “You had a ring, and said you were going to propose. Can we skip all the fancy shit and just be engaged now?”

“Oh,” Max said, smiling. “Of course. Engaged. I like the sound of that.”

Taking a breath, you fell against Max’s body, limp and exhausted, but oh so very happy. “Engaged,” he heard you murmur. “Sounds good.”

Oberyn Martell:

(We all know Oberyn isn’t about to ever marry anyone. So I present, the next best thing)

You sighed, leaning back against the soft bed and even softer pillows. Ellaria was on your left and Oberyn on your right, both holding you as you breathed heavy, still shivering from the ecstasy they had both just put you through.

Oberyn turned your wrist over and kissed it gently, likely feeling your pulse beneath his lips. “My sun,” he murmured, making your pulse jump. “I was hoping to ask you a question.”

Ellaria smiled, running her fingers gently over the warm expanse of your bare chest. You let your eyes flutter closed, leaning into her touch.

“Ellaria,” Oberyn chastised, a smile in his voice. “Let the little sun focus.”

You hummed. “I can listen,” you promised.

Oberyn nodded, tucking himself closer to you. “My sun, I was hoping you would accompany me and Ellaria to King’s Landing in a week’s time.”

The destination confused you, and you opened your eyes. “I thought Doran was to go to King’s Landing.”

“He has fallen ill,” Oberyn said, tracing the knuckle of his index finger over your temple and down your cheekbone. “I must go in his place.”

Ellaria continued to work her fingers across your skin, her hands dipping low onto your belly and her face curling into a smile as she saw how you reacted to her touches. “The prince would not take you if he thought there would be danger, my sun,” she reassured. “And I’m attending as well.”

A sigh released from your lungs, and you nodded. “I will go,” you decided. “Only if I can have this for as long as I live.”

Oberyn grinned, cat-like and mischievous. “As long as you live?” He asked, sitting up and back on his legs. “Ellaria, do you think we can manage that?”

Ellaria pulled you into her lap, so your back was flush with her stomach, understanding where Oberyn was going. “My prince,” she purred. “My sun. I do believe we can.”

“What do you say, little sun?” Oberyn asked, tracing over the ornate golden collar with the sun charm that you wore. “Shall we worship you forever?”

You nodded, glad Oberyn had given you a chance to say no, you were too tired for this right now. But you weren’t, so you just eagerly accepted his touches, keening when Ellaria’s expert hands joined in.

Oberyn, glowing in the light of the sun that filtered through the curtains, leaned down next to your ear, biting at your earlobe and smiling. “Forever, my sun.”

You gasped, feeling Ellaria’s fingers pinch at your chest. “Forever, my prince.”

Pero Tovar:

Traveling with Tovar and William was nothing less than hellish. The days and nights spent sleeping on sand without any water to wash your throats or bodies, the constant attacks from enemies you didn’t even know you had, the way your stomach rolled when you ran out of food, it was all enough for you to want to stay at whatever town you stopped at and never travel again.

And then you remembered why you’d started traveling with the boys.

Tovar had been your deciding factor, his grumpy face and seemingly insatiable appetite drew you to him, and while it took a while, you were finally able to break through and find his softer side.

You’d been exploring this unknown softness for years now, and although marriage wasn’t something either of you wanted, or in Tovar’s case even knew much about, you had considered asking once or twice.

Now was one of those times. William was in town, bartering for supplies, while you and Tovar remained in the single inn room. It was something you did often, share a single room between the three of you. You and Tovar fought for space on the first small bed, and William took the second one. If there was only one bed, William usually took the floor.

You sighed, carding through Tovar’s hair. He’d been complaining about the length, but you’d told him there was nothing you could do until you reached a town. Now that you were in a town, you were able to sit your grouchy Spaniard down and trim his admittedly overgrown hair.

“Pero,” you said, tossing another mangled chunk of hair into the fireplace. “What do you want from life?”

“You’re getting awfully philosophical,” Tovar noticed, wincing when you tugged on a particularly stubborn hair mat. “Why?”

You shrugged. “Sit still,” you said firmly. “I was just thinking, you bastard.”

Tovar grumbled a bit, squaring his shoulders and doing his best to stay still. “I don’t know,” he finally admitted. “What I want.”

“A lover?” You asked cautiously, and Tovar jerked in surprise, causing you to nick his ear with your scissors. “Christ! Pero! I could’ve cut your ear off!”

Tovar pressed a hand to his ear, stopping the flow of blood. “Well don’t surprise me like that!” He countered.

“Oh I’m sorry that the notion of taking a permanent lover scares you!” You yelled back, standing and walking as far from Tovar as you could get in the small room. You wrapped your arms around yourself, feeling a dreadful emptiness in your stomach.

“Hey,” Tovar said softly, stepping closer. “Are you okay?”

You sniffled, trying to stop the tears. “Yeah.”

Tovar put an arm around you. “Don’t lie,” he murmured, pulling you close. “What’s wrong?”

“I just,” you said, voice wavering. “I don’t want us to be a mystery Pero. I want there to be a word for us.”

“Like married?”

Tovar’s words caught you off guard, and you couldn’t stop yourself from nodding. “Yeah. Like married.”

“Amor,” Tovar said softly, running his hand down your spine. “I love you, you know. I love you a lot. But marriage, it’s hard for people like us. No priest worth his salt will bless us, and I cannot afford a ring.” The best I can offer you is me.”

“Pero,” you breathed. “All I need is you.”

You and Tovar remained in each other’s embrace for a while before you finally pulled away to treat his bleeding and finish his hair. You were working on a really knotted section on the back of Tovar’s neck when William returned, smiling at you two. “Look what I found!”

He spilled the contents of a small leather coin purse onto his bed, revealing a few coins, two small blank rolls of parchment, and a glittering ring made of gold.

Tovar picked up the ring and handed it to you. “You wanted a ring.”

The ring didn’t fit your fingers by any means, but you laced it onto a strip of leather and put it around your neck, smiling. “Thank you Pero.”

You turned Tovar to the fire once more, determined to finish your job. As you stood between his legs, working on his fringe, he leaned forward and kissed the ring where it rested on your sternum. “I suppose this means we’re married.”

“I suppose it does,” you agreed, stepping back and tossing the last chunk of matted hair into the fire. “Looking good.”

“Good enough to marry?”

You laughed. “Yes Pero. Good enough to marry.”

67 notes · View notes

just-benni · 3 years

Text

i don’t wanna be okay without you

pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

summary: Y/N gets an undeniable job offer that Bucky wants her to take. But if she accepts, it will mean long distance for them.

warning: angst, bit of fluff, mentions of sex

An offer of a lifetime, and everyone was calling her crazy for considering any option other than accepting it. The job, although a temporary one, it consisted of everything one would want in a job. The pay was good, the other benefits, and above all, it was Y/N’s dream career. If she were to take it, it would give her beneficial experience and overall good exposure. There was just one thing making this offer too good to be true and it held her back from making a final decision.

Y/N’s thoughts were interrupted when Bucky set the car in park. She didn’t allow him to open the door for her like he usually would. Tonight, the two of them were not on good terms. They were both out to dinner with her parents when her father brought up the job offer. Bucky was kind enough to step in and talk to Y/N’s father about it, seeing that she were uncomfortable. Y/N decided to speak up eventually, the comment she made insinuating that she didn’t want the job offer. From there it went down hill. Bucky and Y/N’s father both had the same expression of shock, showing off the creases in their foreheads.

Her mother, however, swiftly changed the conversation and to Y/N’s relief, the job offer was not brought up again. That changed the moment she walked away from saying goodbye to her parents, Bucky had bombarded her with questions. Eventually, she snapped at him and the rest of the ride was filled with silence or Y/N commanding Bucky to slow the vehicle down. The silence remained between the two all the way up to their shared apartment.

It wasn’t until she stepped through the door that Y/N finally spoke, “I don’t wanna talk about it. Tomorrow maybe but not now, not tonight.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” she could see from the corner of her eye, Bucky shaking his head as he shrugged off his coat. “You realize that, right?”

He seemed almost disappointed in the hesitation. Y/N hadn’t recognize how much Bucky really wanted this for her. She wondered if that opinion of his would change after he knew the entirety of it; the reason that was holding her back from saying yes.

“I said I don’t wanna talk about it. Please.”

“We’re talking about it tomorrow.” His voice was husk, evident that he was still angry. Regardless, Bucky laid a kiss on her head. It was a forceful peck that made her flinch, not going unnoticed by him but he let it go.

He stomped his way down the hall into bathroom to take his shower. Y/N didn’t even wait to hear the click of the door to break down silently. She stayed upright, leaning against the wall, and forced her way to the other end of the apartment knowing she wouldn’t be able to hold back the sobs. She felt like she were already losing him.

It didn’t take her long to get those tears out of her system. By the time she gathered herself, she had taken off her makeup and changed into some pajamas, waiting patiently for Bucky. From how long he was taking, she could tell he was shaving. She feared that the longer she waited the more likely she would be to get in her head and back out from telling him.

He stood for a few moments in the doorway when he finally entered the room. He examined her head to toe, waiting for the right words to come to him. His face had that look telling Y/N he was sorry. She nodded, and patted his side of the bed all while managing to keep her voice from shaking, “Will you come sit?”

“Were you crying?” He discarded his dirty clothes into the hamper, slowly shifting his way over to Y/N.

“Why don’t you come sit.” He hesitated a bit, sat down on the bed. Not to the spot she suggested but instead to the edge of mattress on her side of the bed. Without hesitation, Bucky took Y/N’s hand and gave it an affirmative squeeze; the sincere gesture only made Y/N want to break down into tears again.

“What’s goin’ on, Y/N?” His question lingered with concern. “Seriously, you’ve got to tell me so I can help you.”

She wiped a tear and looked to the comforter. Anywhere but his eyes, she couldn’t handle his piercing blue eyes. They weren’t approachable at a time like this. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

“What is it?”

“Everything I told you about the job offer is true but the part I left out is that it’s located out of the country.”

“Oh.” His mouth dropped open and it was like he’d forgotten every word in the English language.

“If I say yes, they’ll send me out to London.”

“London, as in, England?”

“Yes.”

“You knew this whole time and you haven’t told me?” She sighed. “I’m not mad, Y/N. But something as important as that, it would’ve been nice to know sooner.”

“If I told you sooner, we would’ve had this conversation sooner. I know it was selfish and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I wasn’t ready to talk about it with you just yet,” her voice couldn’t go any higher than a whisper. “That’s why I’ve been putting up this front the past few days. I don’t wanna take it.”

“No, it’s okay Y/N. This opportunity, you have to take it.”

“I can’t, Buck.” She finally looked him in the eye, shaking her head. Her voice cracked and tears flooded her eyes. “I can’t do it. I don’t want to be away from you.”

“It’s okay.” Bucky repeated it again and again while comforting her. He kissed her head and pulled her into his lap, holding her close and letting her cry into his shoulder. The thought of being away from Bucky kept the streams of tears going. Other negative thoughts trailed in eventually but she was so drained of energy and finding that she was out of tears.

Y/N managed to rest her eyes and catch her breath from the breakdown she just had. What was only supposed to be a few moments turned into her accidentally falling asleep, still being held in Bucky’s lap. She felt him trying to move careful and slow when setting her to lay down. Half awake, she clutched his arm and stirred awake.

“You alright?” He swept a chunk of hair out of her face to tuck behind her ear. Bucky went to retract his hand but Y/N moved it to her cheek. “Want something to drink?”

“Not really. I just want you.”

“London, huh? It’s a good thing you’re a tea-over-coffee kinda person.” Bucky lips curled upward but he was only putting on a face to send some sort of approval her way. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

Their mouths met in a chaste kiss, then Bucky giving her another short one for good measure. He walked to his side of the bed and got under the covers. Both of them were now turned at their side, facing each other.

“I know you’re trying to lift my spirits but it’s not as great as you’re making it out to be. No life without you is a good one, I know that much.”

“It’s been a long day, Y/N. I need to process this and you need rest, desperately.”

“Tell me how you really feel. Because if you love me as much as you say you do then that means you must be hurting too.”

Bucky sighed, lying on his back now. He tried forcing himself further into the mattress, finding it impossible to get comfortable. “I’m feeling a lot of things.”

“You’re good at hiding it.” And she absolutely despised him for it sometimes.

“Tomorrow, Y/N.” She found his hand under the blanket and just kept it laid over his as they both drifted into sleep.

[morning, the next day]

Y/N woke up from a peaceful slumber which surprised her because of how emotional she was the previous night. Because she still hadn’t talked to Bucky about what he thinks, it left her final moments awake anxious filled.

She looked over to her side and relief washed over her, seeing Bucky asleep. Y/N weighing out the likelihood of going to London, she wanted to do one of her favorite things to do with Bucky: to lay in bed and cuddle, forgetting about commitments or how much time has passed. And a plus side, sometimes—majority of the time—cuddling led to some great morning sex.

She lightly kissed along his bicep, his chest, his neck, jaw, all along his face, and by then he’d stirred awake so she laid a quick kiss to his lips to finish it off.

“I’m surprised you’re not up before me.”

“It was hard to fall asleep last night.”

Y/N winced, feeling bad. “In that case, I shouldn’t have woken you. Sorry.”

“You just wanna use me for cuddles, I assume?” Bucky could feel the vibration of her chuckle. It was a relief to hear her laugh. It was a drastic difference from the distraught state she was in last night.

Y/N draped one of her legs shamelessly over one of his. Her head fell onto his shoulder, just above his chest. They fit perfect against each other, part of the reason she loved it so much. And Bucky secretly loved it, no matter how much he acted like he didn’t want her affection.

“You feeling okay?” He asked after nearly falling back asleep.

“Um, yeah. Better than last night.” She aimlessly drew shapes on his stomach and tracing over his prominent muscles.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking of how I won’t get to wake up next to you or be able to hug and kiss you.” After some silence she continued, “If we go long distance, it won’t work Bucky.”

“Don’t say that,” he scolded. “Why would you say something like that?”

“We have to be honest with ourselves.”

“It’s okay to have doubts but I’m willing to at least try, and so should you. Yes, it’ll be challenging. But you really think it’ll break us apart?”

“What then? Messages and FaceTime calls aren’t going to be enough. What if one day you decide you don’t love me anymore? All I want is for you to be happy.”

“You do make me happy. You.”

“You deserve someone who can give you their all, from here in New York, not from thousands of miles away.”

“Don’t say that, I’m—you’re it for me.”

“I don’t wanna go.” She didn’t intend to sound as whiny as she did. Bucky was ticked off by the conversation, separating from Y/N to begin his day.

“Why don’t I come with you?”

“And let your business with Steve plummet to the ground? No.”

“He would understand.”

“You’re not wrong about that but regardless, he needs you.”

“Then I’m gonna visit any chance I get. We’re gonna work this out.” Her mind instantly translate that out to, you’re going to London. “I’m making breakfast.”

Y/N remained in bed and browsed a number of apps on her phone for a few minutes until she finally decided it was time to join Bucky. She shuffled into the kitchen and sat at one of the barstools as Bucky was in the early stages of cooking something up. Breakfast was a specialty of his.

She didn’t know how to start up the conversation, which was ridiculous considering it was Bucky. It was rare that she felt this sort of discomfort in Bucky’s presence, but he took it upon himself to ask, “How come you didn’t tell me sooner? About London.”

“You already asked me this.”

“Well I’m asking you again.”

“Part of me didn’t want you to know. I thought about not telling you even at all.” She thanked Bucky when he handed her a cup of coffee. Continuing, “I knew if you knew, you’d force me to go and I just don’t wanna be away from you.”

“It’s just 18 months Y/N, it won’t be forever.”

“Seems like forever. Like I’m gonna miss out on so much.” Y/N forced herself not to think about it, tired of all the emotions and tears. She sighed, “18 months.”

“Well if you think about it, the lease for this apartment is up in nine months.”

Y/N shot a questionable look his way. “I don’t think I see where you’re going with this.”

“I’ll renew the lease or have something worked out. That way, by the time you get back, we can figure out where we want to live and we find a house. That was the plan all along, no? It just might have to be delayed, that’s all.”

“Initially, the plan was to live with each other for 12 months and come out without killing or injuring each other.” Y/N wore a mischievous grin on her face. “Remember that conversation?”

“You hated me for a while.” Bucky laughed to himself. “It’s safe to say we’re compatible though, no? You haven’t killed me thus far. And you’re bareable to live with, long term. Maybe we can get a house that comes with a working dishwasher.”

“Ooh, yes.”

It was a no brainer they would end up together. Bucky would be the one she married and grew a life together with. Even their friends have complimented how well they fit one another.

Bucky stared at her with a prideful grin, making Y/N grow timid like she used to when they first started dating. “What?” She asked through laughter. “What are you up to?”

“You’re gonna do great in London.”

“But what if-“

Bucky read her so well, already on his way to be at her side and comfort her. “Don’t ‘what if’, I told you, you’re it for me, okay? Whatever you think—that I might fall out of love with you—it’s not gonna happen.”

Finally, relief hit her. Bucky has proven himself over again, it was no doubt that he was in it for the long run erasing over all her doubts. Y/N got choked up from his words and the intensity of his gaze. “I was really wrong about you.”

“In what way?” He slyly maneuvered her out of the chair and placed her to stand on her feet. Bucky tangled his arms around her to rest at her lower back.

“I thought maybe you’d be upset that I got offered to go to London. But I think you’re more supportive now than you ever were before. I kinda hate you for it because that means I’m going to London.”

“You’re going to London,” he repeated following a sigh, burying his head into her neck.

“Are you sad?”

“I don’t wanna think about it.”

“M’sorry, Buck.”

“I wish I could come with you.”

“No you don’t,” she teased. “You are such a New York boy. I can’t imagine you living anywhere else but here.”

They both laughed, Bucky pulling away. “You’re probably right.”

“New York pizza and the people, your people.” Silence broke out and when neither could muster a response, they opted out for a hug. She curled her fingers through his hair. “You’re not gonna need me?”

“I’ll always need you. Definitely.”

“Definitely? Oh, good.”

“But I’ll manage through video-phone calls.” Bucky specifically backed away to see her expression.

Y/N facepalmed, shaking her head a bit. “It’s called FaceTime, Buck.”

“Whatever. I’ll send you letters if I have to.”

“You really think we can do long distance?”

“I’m not losing you and I’m gonna put my all into this to make us work. Just 18 months and I’m yours again.”

“What do you have in mind? How are we going to make this work?”

“Well I assume you’ll be coming back for holidays so there’s that. I’m for sure going to London for your birthday, maybe mine too. Then throw in a few spontaneous visits here and there. It’s only a five hour difference so I’m up by 6AM usually, that means it’s 11AM over there and I can spend my time getting ready and making breakfast talking to you, if you’re not busy. Or by the time I’m out of work it’s about midnight over there. Oh! We have to get you those power adapters—“

“You’re it for me too.” Y/N leaned in, closing the space between them. “I love you.”

“I love you more. Come here,” Bucky raised her in his arms, setting her to sit on the counter. “You believe me when I tell you we can make this work?”

“I do.”

Bucky felt his heart squeeze, hoping to hear those words again one day.

He stood in between her legs with his hands reaching under her shirt, doing more wandering than they probably should have been. “It’s not gonna be easy or perfect in any way but I would rather us take up the challenge than for you to give up your dream because of me. I would never forgive myself if I let you stay here and waste your potential.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, love.” He horribly mimicked a British accent. The couple physically cringed at it which quickly translated into laughter.

“Might wanna stick to cooking.”

After that lighthearted moment, Bucky went back to making breakfast as she shuffled through yesterday’s mail. Then it occurred to Y/N. “Bucky?”

“Yes, love?”

“What about sex?” Bucky drops his spatula to the floor, the plastic clanking against the tile.

His eyebrows raised and from the reaction he gave off, she burst out laughing. Bucky laughed along with her and replied with a sarcastic remark. “On second thought, I don’t think London is a good fit for you.”

“Bucky!” She yelped when Bucky lifted her up, forcing her against the closest wall. “What are you doing?”

“You’re going to London so it’s only logical that I start makin’ love to you now.” He said against her neck, lightly sucking at the skin there. “Give you something to remember me by.”

The moment was interrupted by the alarm of the oven and his stomach gurgling. She cupped his face in both of her hands. “Sounds like a plan for today but food first.”

“Yes ma’am.” He kissed her sweetly, “Looking forward to it.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes #fluff #angst

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cloudybarnes · 3 years

Text

Stages

Pairing: steve rogers x reader

Summary: ultron was harder to defeat than the avengers thought, and y/n paid the price. after the events of her death, steve has a hard time dealing with the loss of his lover

Word Count: 4k+

Warnings: angst, bad language, death of y/n, steve going through the five stages of grief, mentions of religion, small panic attack, depression

A/N: I’m really happy with how this turned out so I hope everyone likes it as much as I do :))

Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰

“Stark, you worry about getting the city back down safely,” Steve said, “the rest of us only have one job: tear theses things apart.”

Steve looked around the falling city. Ultron had been able to win thus far. He was stronger and more intelligent than any of the avengers could have predicted.

Civilians ran for their lives, androids flew around like they owned the place, and his friends were doing all they could to stop Ultron and his army.

“If you get hurt, hurt them back.” He continued, “if you die... walk it off.”

If only he knew what was to come.

Ultron’s army wasn’t getting any smaller, but that didn’t stop you from continuing the fight.

Fighting was the only thing you could do. All you had was your hand-to-hand combat training to help. Androids would come at you, and you punched your way out.

You grabbed the head of an android, and hoisted yourself around to rip it off, rending the robot useless. On the ground was debris, mainly rods of metal. Grabbing one, you were able to fight off a group of Ultron’s androids that got too close to you.

“Eat shit, robot.” You huffed as you kicked the last one near you.

Looking around to find people to help out, you saw your boyfriend in the center of a group of robots.

He fought well. With his shield, he was able to break the androids in half, but there were too many coming at him at once.

You rushed over to help him. “Incoming!” You shouted as you jumped on top of one of the androids and ripped its head off.

As it fell to the ground, you used your metal rob to plunge into the robots’ chests and rip them apart. Steve did the same with his shield, ramming it into the androids to destroy them.

Once there were no more surrounding you and Steve, you looked him over. You stepped closer to him and brushed your fingers along his face. “You alright, baby?”

There were no major wounds as far as you could tell, only a bruised eye and a busted lip.

Steve nodded and gently smiled, “I’m okay, sweetheart.” He pressed a soft kiss to your lips. “Come on, we’ve got a city to save.”

Unbeknownst to you at the time, that was the last conversation you and your boyfriend would share.

As you fought more androids, you noticed something in the air. Some sort of airship was flying, shooting at you and the avengers. You went to run for cover when you passed Steve.

“(Y/N)!” He shouted. Steve held his shield over top of himself, blocking the bullets from piercing into him.

You started to run to him when you noticed something. The airship was flying closer to Clint who held a young boy in his arms.

The airship was coming so fast, Clint couldn’t get out of the way quick enough.

You looked back to Steve who started running towards you, ready to pull you under his shield.

With sad eyes, you turned away from him, straight towards Clint into the oncoming bullets. Without stopping to second-guess your decision, you ran full speed to Clint to push him behind a fallen car.

You barely felt the piercing of the bullets with your high adrenaline. What you did feel, was sorrow.

When Clint had turned around and realized what happened, his eyes started watering. “(Y/N),” he whispered, “why?”

“I’m sorry,” you choked you as you dropped to your knees. “Please, tell Steve...” You couldn’t hold yourself up any longer. Your body gave out from underneath you. As you fell to the ground, the last thing you heard was a cry from your boyfriend.

You never even got to tell Steve you loved him.

Stage One: Denial

Steve felt a heavy weight on his chest as he watched you fall to the ground. “No!” Steve shouted as he abandoned his shield and ran over to you.

In his frenzy, Steve stumbled over his feet trying to get to you.

Once he finally did, he fell to the ground with a gasp. He looked over your body frantically. There were puncture wounds all over you. Dirt covered your face, and blood slowly seeped through your clothes. Steve gently pulled you into his chest.

“(Y/N), baby, please stay with me, sweetheart.” Steve cried. “You’re going to be okay, I promise. Clint! Call someone to help her, please. We need to get her a medic as soon as possible.”

Clint’s eyes drooped. He found himself unable to say anything to Steve.

When Clint didn’t do anything, Cap’s head whipped up, giving Clint a good look at how red and puffy his eyes had already become.

“Please,” Steve croaked, “please help her.”

Clint’s lip wobbled, “Steve, there’s nothing we can do to save her. (Y/N),” he sighed, trying to compose himself, “(Y/N) was a hero. She saved my life and the life of this young boy.”

Steve let out a sob, “No, no she’s not dead! She’s not dead, Barton. We just need to get her some medical attention, they’ll be able to help her. I know they will.”

Clint tried to place his hand on Steve’s shoulder, but Cap just shrugged it off. “Stop! Stop acting like she’s dead, Barton. She-she can make it. She’s strong, I know she can get through this.”

Steve continued holding you, sobbing as he rocked you.

“I’m sorry, Steve. She saved my life, and now she’s gone.”

Steve was barely listening. He didn’t want anyone to tell him what he knew deep down. He wouldn’t let himself believe you were dead; not now, not ever. There were so many things he still wanted to do with you.

There was a whole future he had planned with you. There were so many things he wanted to tell you but never got the chance. He wouldn’t let himself believe he’d lost the love of his life before she ever knew that’s what she was.

“Steve, please. We need you.” Clint begged, “We can’t give her a proper goodbye if the world is destroyed.”

Steve clenched his eyes shut, trying desperately to keep his tears at bay. Clint was right. You would be in even worse shape if the world was destroyed. Once they fixed everything, Steve could find you the help you needed. Maybe someone could save you if he worked fast enough.

Steve gently placed you down onto the ground, and stood up. He looked at Clint with a hard gaze, “Okay, let’s finish this.”

Stage Two: Anger

“No, Tony, you don’t get it! None of you could possibly understand what I’m going through.” Steve shouted.

It had been only a few days since your death. Steve had let himself understand that you were gone, and all he could think about was how it was his fault.

Maybe if he had gotten to you sooner, or maybe if he was the one to save Clint and that young boy, you would have still been alive.

Steve felt so helpless, it angered him.

Tony sighed, “Steve, we’re in the same boat as you. We’re mourning her just like you are! You don’t get to act like we don’t understand when we’re just as upset as you are!”

Steve fumed, “No. You’re not as upset as I am. You don’t even feel half of what I’m feeling! You aren’t in love with her, Tony! You still have the woman you love. I lost mine, so no, you have no idea what I’m feeling right now.”

“But I can imagine what it would be like if-”

“That’s just it!” Steve sarcastically laughed. “You can imagine Pepper dying, whereas I watched my girlfriend die. You didn’t see your girlfriend taking her last breath. You weren’t even around (Y/N) when she died! I could have saved her, and I didn’t.”

Clint stepped closer, “but I was there, Steve. I could have done something to help, but I didn’t. She died to save me. It’s not your fault.”

“Well that’s what it feels like! She’s my girlfriend. I’m the one who’s supposed to protect her, and I failed.” Steve huffed. He slouched into an armchair, and held his face in his hands.

Nat gently walked up to Steve, and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Steve, why don’t you take off for a little while. You can clear your head and try to forget about all of this.”

That made Steve’s head whip up. He glared at Nat. “Forget about this? You mean forget about (Y/N)?” He scoffed and abruptly stood up, pushing Nat’s hand off of him.

“Sorry you guys don’t like seeing me grieve my dead girlfriend. I’m so sorry it’s such an inconvenience to you that you want me to leave!” Steve growled, punching a dent into the wall.

“Steve, you need to calm down.” Tony instructed, “we’re not trying to get you to forget about her. None of us want to forget her. All we want is for you to start healing.”

Steve half scoffed, half laughed. “It’s been, what, four days? It’s been four fucking days and you guys already want me to move on. I can’t fucking believe this.”

Steve angrily paced around the compound, trying to wrap his head around what was going on.

Thor gently spoke up. “We don’t want you to move on. We want what’s best for you.”

Steve scoffed at this, but Thor paid no mind as he continued speaking. “What I’m saying is we want you to heal, like Tony said. We don’t like seeing you self destruct like this.”

Nat nodded, “we’re aware it’s only been a few days, Steve. You’ve just been so angry lately, and we’re worried. We’ve never seen you like this.”

Steve threw his hands up, “I don’t know what you want me to do! You think I like feeling like this? You think I like the fact that my girl is gone? You think I like the fact that the only thing I feel anymore is anger? I should have done something!”

“You couldn’t have saved her!” Clint shouted. His eyes were starting to tear up. Clint was always close with you, and he had tried to keep it together since he didn’t want to hurt Steve, but enough was enough.

Clint sighed, “there was no way you could have saved her, Steve. You were too far away, she was too fast, Ultron was aiming at her, she risked her life for mine; there are so many things that contributed to her death. It seemed inevitable! It was not your fault, and there was nothing you could have done to save her.”

Steve huffed. His chest rose and fell with each deep intake of breath. His eyes darted across Clint’s face, searching for something. For what, he wasn’t sure. Guilt? Sincerity? Strength? Who knows.

All Steve knows is the heavy weight on his chest. He knows his guilt, his anger, and his resentment. It seems like there’s nothing else for him.

Stage Three: Bargaining

Steve cried today. It had been two weeks since you died. The Avengers were going to give you a proper funeral the next day, and Steve wasn’t ready.

He wasn’t ready to let go of you.

If only he could have done something. He only he had done something. Steve wishes for nothing more than this to be one sick joke. He can’t live the rest of his life without you. He would rather die than live a life without you in it.

Steve was never a religious man, but he found himself praying to a god he wasn’t even sure he believed in. “Please,” he sniffled, “please, bring her back to me. I can’t-I can’t live my life without her beside me.”

Steve started to cry harder, his pleads desperate. “I’ll do anything! I’ll give up being an Avenger, I’ll give up my home, my friends, the life I know if I could just have (Y/N) back with me. I’d give up my life if it meant she could continue to live hers.”

Steve broke down onto the ground. His body shook with each sob. In his left hand was a framed photo of the two of you from when you first got together. In his right arm, Steve clung to your favorite sweater. Somehow it still smelled of you, and Steve needed that to bring himself some comfort.

“Please!” He bawled. His harsh cries took control of him. Steve couldn’t do much more than to try to keep breathing. He didn’t feel anything other than the pounding of his head and the ache in his chest.

He desperately tried to suck in some air between his sobs, but it was hard. He just wanted you back, but he had no other options.

Steve had heard of a woman that could turn back time. She called herself the ancient one. Steve had tried his best to get her to bring you back, but she wouldn’t budge. She told him that this is what the universe wanted. She said it was (Y/N)’s time to go, and that there was nothing she could do.

Bullshit.

Steve was desperate but hopeless. He knew it was the end of the line, and he had nothing left. He had already offered up everything he could think to give up, but there was no getting you back.

Steve sniffled, calming himself down enough to speak. “I-I know she’ll never come back, but please, at least help me. I can’t-I can’t live like this anymore.”

He started to hysterically cry again. “I can’t keep feeling this way. It hurts so much. Please, someone help me! Someone please take away my pain. I’m begging you.” Steve started to hiccup he was so worked up.

Even though he didn’t realize it at the time, this was the beginning of the end. Steve knows she will never come back, and that’s officially the start of his healing process.

Stage Four: Depression

Steve was barely functioning.

He didn’t hear from his friends, he never left his house, he lost his appetite, and he could never stop crying.

He was sluggish, sad, and hopeless.

(Y/N)’s funeral was his breaking point. After they put her in the ground and said they’re goodbyes, he was done for. He cried so much that night, his throat screamed at him the next morning. He barely slept that night; he was too busy crying.

Steve has been holed up in his house for months. Natasha and Clint had called him so often, he threw his phone away. He couldn’t bear to let anyone see him like this.

He didn’t want to see anyone. The thought of seeing his friends, your friends, broke his heart. Not only were they reminders that you were gone, but they had people to go back to.

Clint had his wife and children, Natasha and Bruce had each other, Tony had Pepper, Thor had his family, and Steve was left with no one.

He didn’t have the one person that was supposed to be there for him. He was trying so hard to feel better, but it was tough. Every time Steve thought he was going to pick himself up, he ended up falling right back into his cycle.

If Steve was able to go a few hours without crying or he was able to take care of himself, he felt immense guilt. He thought he deserved to feel this way.

He couldn’t bring himself to live a happy life when you don’t get one at all. While he wants to be able to be happy again and not feel as horrible as he’s been, he doesn’t want you to think he stopped loving you. He think if he doesn’t cry for you anymore, you’ll think he gave up on you. The thought of you thinking he doesn’t love you makes him hurt even more.

Every time he takes a step forward, he falls two steps back.

That is, until one day, Natasha showed up knocking at his door.

“Steve? I know you’re in there. I brought you some Chinese food. I was hoping to talk. We’re all really worried about you.” She called through the door.

Steve sat wrapped up in his living room. He’s really only been in that room and the bathroom since you died. He could never bring himself to go into his room, not when it still had your overnight bag from the last time you two spent the night together.

Steve had your favorite blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He liked to hold onto the things you frequented.

On shaky legs, Steve stood from his spot on the floor. He knew he should have been embarrassed about the huge mess of his house, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Unlocking the door, Steve hesitantly opened it revealing a sad-eyed Nat.

“Hey,” Steve croaked. His voice was hoarse and dry from crying so much.

Nat sadly smiled at him, “Hey, Steve. I was thinking we could have dinner? Maybe talk for a bit. We’ve all missed you these past months.”

Steve took in a shaky breath, “uh, I don’t know if it’s such a good idea, Nat. I appreciate you coming by, but I’m not even that hungry.”

Steve’s eyes started to water, but he willed himself not to cry in front of Nat.

She sighed, and place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Please, Steve, you need to eat something. If you don’t want me to bother you, I won’t. Just let me be here for you.”

Steve sniffled, and nodded his head. He slowly moved aside so she could walk in. Nat flicked the light switch on, and tried not to gasp at what she saw. Food wrappers littered the ground, blankets and pillows filled the floor like he’d been sleeping there, and crumpled up tissues lied everywhere.

“I-I’m sorry about the mess. I haven’t really...” Steve trailed off, not too sure what to say.

Nat just nodded her head, “I understand. Why don’t we eat in the kitchen, how’s that sound?”

Steve nodded his head, and trailed behind Natasha as she led him to the kitchen.

While it wasn’t clean by any means, the kitchen was more tidy than the living room. Natasha placed the bag of food on the counter and sat down. Steve slowly climbed into the seat across from her.

“I got dumplings for you, I know they’re your favorite.” She gently said as she passed the container to Steve.

He nodded his head, “thanks, Nat,” he softly said.

As the two of them ate, the silence wasn’t as uncomfortable as he thought it’d be. Steve felt good being in the presence of a friend. He had expected to feel even more sad with them around since they were friends with (Y/N) as well, but it did quite the opposite.

It was nice to have someone there for him. It was nice to have someone to talk to again.

“Nat,” Steve sighed, “I just wanted to apologize for how I’ve been lately. I shut you guys out and I’m sorry.”

Nat shook her head, “Don’t apologize, Steve, we don’t blame you. It was a hard time for everyone, but you the most. We just want to be there for you when you’re ready to get back on your feet.”

Steve shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “Well, I’ve been trying to pick myself up on my own, but it’s hard. Every time I think I’m doing better, I think about her and how I’m still here and she isn’t and I just fall back into my funk.”

He raised his glossy eyes to look at her, “I need help, Natasha. I don’t think I can do this alone anymore.” His voice cracked lightly as he confessed his failure.

Nat took in a shaky breath, trying to keep her composure for him. “I’ll help you Steve, all of us will.”

Steve released a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding, “thank you, Nat. I don’t even know where to start to get myself back to who I was.”

“Why don’t we start off simple. Finish eating, and when you’re done go take a shower. I’ll pick up around here so you have a clean area to come back to.” She offered with a gentle smile.

“Okay. Thank you, Nat, really. I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t show up today.” Steve confessed.

Natasha placed her hand over top of his, gently rubbing his knuckles. “Don’t worry about it, we’ll get through this. Together.”

Stage Five: Acceptance

A year after (Y/N)’s death, Steve felt good.

He still mourns (Y/N), he doesn’t think he’ll ever stop thinking about her, but it doesn’t haunt him like it used to.

The weight on Steve’s chest is no longer heavy. He feels a new sense of light and happiness.

Steve has learned to embrace what is his present. No longer does he look to the past trying to find ways to change it. He isn’t desperate for the answers that nobody has. While he still is sad over the loss of his loved one, his crying doesn’t keep him up at night like it did in the past.

Steve, by no means, thinks he’s at the best place he can be. He still has his moments where he has flashbacks of that day in Sokovia. When he sees something that meant a lot to (Y/N), he’ll still break down and cry.

That’s part of the process.

Acceptance is not getting over the death of your loved one. Acceptance is knowing that there was nothing you could have done. It’s seeing your days as ways to move forward. It’s embracing your bad days, and not letting them define your future. It’s reflecting on the good times you shared, while still being willing to make memories elsewhere.

Steve was able to pick his life back up. He came back to the Avengers and was welcomed with open arms. He’s worked with them enough to the point where he’s ready to go back into the field.

Steve kept building his relationships with his friends. He made sure to not shut them out when he was having a bad day, and he was able to understand that they were only trying their best. While they didn’t know the full extent of what he had been through and what he felt, he knew they cared about him.

Steve was able to regain his hope. He has hope for his future, one he thought would be bleak and unbearable without you, would hopefully turn out well. Steve hopes to get to a place where he is truly happy, but he knows it will take some time.

In the process of accepting a loved one has died, people often take up new things. Steve started to get into cooking as a way to connect with you. You were always the one to cook for him, it was something you did when you were stressed as well as something you did for fun.

He learned to make your favorite dishes, and tried out some of your recipes. It made him feel closer to you. It was a healthier way for him to keep you in his mind.

Steve also had a new pattern. Every two weeks him, and whoever was up for it, went to your grave. They gave you flowers and cleaned your spot up really nice. Usually it was just him, Nat, and Clint, but occasionally Tony and Bruce came. Thor only came if he was already on Earth.

Still, it was nice for Steve to have his friends with him. He appreciated them so much. Through every rocky path they’ve been through, it’s nice to know that they’re always going to be there for him. He couldn’t ask for better friends than the ones he has.

Nat, especially, was such a great friend to him in these times. He thinks one day, maybe they could be something more. Steve wants to be able to give her his all before he asks her out. Some nights he still wishes you were laying next to him, but he thinks in time he’ll be ready to date again.

While he’s come a long way, Steve still has more to accomplish. He knows this, and he’s ready to take things one day at a time until he gets to a point in his life where things are easy.

No matter how much Steve goes through or how much he changes, he knows one thing for sure: you will always be in his heart, just like he always planned.

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marvel-and-mischief · 4 years

Text

Apple Blossom

Part of my Floriography Series

Pairing: Maxwell Lord x GN!Reader Words: 1600 Warnings: fluff, slight angst (but only because we know what happens next), pining Synopsis: A few days before the events of the Dreamstone, you have a late night take out with your boss, Maxwell Lord.

Apple Blossom: ‘fame speaks him great and good’

💐

1st July 1984

You padded barefoot through the empty corridors of the Black Gold building, a bag of Chinese takeout in one hand and your work shoes in the other that had been irritating you after a full day of work. The lights were low and the phones were silent, an all too common occurrence in the past few months. The business was once a bustling ray of money and hope and now it was running out of luck.

You saw the unpaid bills when you picked up Maxwell’s mail, the angry investors that would corner him in his office, demanding their money back. He had to tell you eventually, the company was going under but he had a plan. He couldn’t tell you what, but he had a sure way out of the crippling debt and you found yourself trusting him. There was no reason not to.

You reached Maxwell’s office, tapping on the open door and walking in without waiting for an answer.

Maxwell looked up from behind his desk, a relieved smile growing on his lips as he saw it was you. He placed the magnifying glass that he’d been using in a drawer and gave you his full attention.

“Looking at anything interesting?” you asked, spying pages of a language you couldn’t read and diagrams of rocks you hadn’t seen before.

“No more interesting than the food in that bag,” Maxwell stood and pointed to the takeout in your hand, leading the way to the corner of his office where a comfortable couch was waiting for you. Maxwell moved a cushion for you to sit and took the bag of food from you.

“I am making progress,” Maxwell said excitedly, opening the plastic tubs of various dishes and arranging them on the coffee table.

“Will I get any details today?” Your voice held a teasing edge to it but you wanted to know why he was being so secretive if it meant saving Black Gold.

Maxwell hesitated to answer though, distracting himself with the food before taking a seat next to you on the couch, motioning for you to dig into the takeout.

“Just trust me, all will be revealed soon,” Maxwell spoke around a forkful of noodles and you decided to drop it. He seemed excited and confident about his plans so who were you to question him.

You sat in amiable silence whilst you both ate your food. Times like these were rare a few years back, when you were starting out in the company you would be working well into the late evenings, keeping Maxwell’s mug filled with coffee, answering the phones, signing off on this and that, some days you’d forget to eat.

Now, you found yourself struggling to find something to do. You’d make up work just to fill the time in your day. You weren’t just Maxwell’s PA anymore, you worked general maintenance, dabbled as a cleaning lady, you even drove Raquel home most evenings just to stop yourself chewing your nails down to the skin.

Sometimes you asked yourself why you stuck around. And then you’d take one look at Maxwell, how he brightened up when you entered the room, how much he confided in you about his anxieties about the business and immediately remembered why you had to stay. He needed you and you wanted to be there for him if his plans didn’t work out.

Maxwell would need someone to be his anchor when the ship sunk. And that would be you.

Maxwell gave a sigh of contentment after his last forkful of noodles, placing the empty tub back on the coffee table to rifle through the bag the takeout came in.

“Don’t forget your weekend with Alistair is coming up,” you reminded him, licking sauce from the corner of your lips.

“Huh?” Maxwell was distracted by his new find; a box of fortune cookies at the bottom of the bag, “want to open one? See what our future holds?” he asked with an exaggerated wiggle of his eyebrows. You laughed and nodded, holding out your hand for a cookie.

Maxwell watched as you snapped your cookie in half, pulling the two pieces apart to reveal a slip of paper inside. You carefully pulled it out, placing the cookie pieces on your lap to read the fortune.

“‘Fame speaks him great and good’,” you read, raising an eyebrow to Maxwell who looked surprised, “d’you think that means you?”

Maxwell laughed loudly and ripped the paper out of your hand to check you weren’t making it up.

“It really says that,” Maxwell confirmed, “I keep telling you good things are coming for us.”

You smiled at the look of delight on his face, and thought maybe there truly was nothing to worry about when it came to Maxwell and Black Gold.

“Come on then, open yours,” you nudged his knee with yours, eager to find out what his fortune said.

Maxwell made a show of rolling up his shirt sleeves, making you giggle around a mouthful of your cookie. He cleared his throat and snapped his cookie.

You watched as his eyes widened ever so slightly, before he righted himself and rid his features of anything that resembled what he felt about what he was reading. You frowned, wondering why he was reacting so weirdly. It took too long for Maxwell to read aloud his message, and eventually you had to prompt him by tapping him on the arm.

“Just as I thought, ‘fortune is on the horizon’,” Maxwell laughed but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He pocketed the piece of paper and cleared his lap of crumbs.

“So there’s really nothing to worry about?”

Maxwell looked at you like a deer in headlights, then gave you his award winning smile, his hand reaching over to rest atop yours.

“Absolutely nothing,” he promised, and you believed that he believed that but that didn’t stop you from feeling uneasy about Maxwell’s secretive plans, “we will be okay.”

You mustered up a smile and he tapped your hand before standing.

“I’m going to bathroom,” he stated, and as Maxwell walked through his office a small piece of paper fluttered out of his pocket and fell to the ground.

“Oh, Max-“ but he had already left as you jumped up from the couch to pick it up. You realised it was the fortune he had acted strangely around, and instead of leaving it be, placing it on the table for when he got back, you couldn’t help wanting to look. So that’s exactly what you did.

‘The love of your life is right in front of your eyes’

The breath caught in your throat as you read and re-read the line. It hit you then how badly you wanted it to be true. And suddenly everything made sense. Why you worked so hard for him, why you didn’t entertain the idea of ever leaving Maxwell or Black Gold no matter how much the company was going downhill, you were prepared to ride or die, right to the bitter end. It was because you liked him. And this all but confirmed to you that he didn’t feel the same about you.

You were so busy overthinking your own feelings that you didn’t hear Maxwell returning from the bathroom. He stood over your shoulder, holding his breath as he watched you for your reaction.

“I can’t do anything about it,” Maxwell whispered into the silence of the room, making you spin around in surprise to face him, and you instantly noticed he was a mere couple of feet away from you.

“I knew it,” you sighed, shaking your head. Of course he didn’t like you, you were just his assistant after all.

Just as you were about to turn around and gather your things he grabbed you softly by the arm, making you face him once again.

“That isn’t what I mean,” Maxwell looked lost for words, screwing his eyes shut as he tried to gather his thoughts, “I want to be more than your boss, more than your friend, but this thing I’m doing, that I swear to you will change everything for the better, I need to do that first.”

During his speech Maxwell had stepped closer to you, taking your hands in his and pressing them against his chest, eyes boring into yours. You shouldn’t have been thinking it, not when he was trying to be honest and open with you, but you thought he looked beautiful. You’d always known he was handsome but this close, he had pretty brown eyes and a nose that wouldn’t looked out of place on a marble statue for all to admire.

“I’m doing a big thing for the company, for Alistair, but also for you. So I can be someone you are proud to walk through galas with on your arm, that you are proud to shout about,” Maxwell took a deep breath and slowly rested his forehead against yours, “will you wait for me?”

It was a loaded question, one that stopped you in your tracks but it really shouldn’t have. Waiting is what you’ve been doing, isn’t it? Without even knowing, you’ve been waiting for this moment where you’d wake up to your feelings and be faced with them. You knew you could wait a little longer, especially if Maxwell was promising himself on the other side of whatever he had planned.

“I can wait,” you smiled, leaning forward to place a quick, chaste kiss to his lips, “whatever happens, good or bad, I’ll wait.”

Permanent tag list: @autumnleaves1991-blog @phoenixhalliwell @computeringturtle @anu-simps @bts17army

#Floriography Series #Maxwell Lord #Maxwell Lord x Reader #Wonder Woman 1984 #WW1984 #Pedro Pascal

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hyuckssunchip · 4 years

Text

Love’s Growing Pains

Pairings: Jaehyun x reader

Words: 4.7K

Warnings: Language (there is almost always language in my writings), insinuation of sex, angst

Synopsis:

“All love ends in heartbreak, either your lover dies or you break up”. Love isn’t all that it is said to be. It isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. There are bumps in the road and the journey is long, but who’s to say that it isn’t love? Follow Y/N and Jaehyun on their journey as they discover love’s growing pains in their relationship.

You had just walked into your favorite cafe, and although it harbored sad memories, you couldn’t resist your favorite scones. As you stepped into the building you heard a faint call.

“Y/N?” Jaehyun called out to you as you walked through the pale blue door. You hesitated to turn your head, recognising that voice in an instant. But not being able to resist, you turned to see him pause for a moment and then follow you in. You closed your eyes and calmed yourself for a moment before moving forward in line.

By the time he had made it to you, you were in the middle of ordering. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him awkwardly standing next to you, waiting for you to finish. Immediately after you had finished and moved away taking a seat, he began talking. What was so great about this cafe was the fact that everything was fresh, like FRESH fresh. While some people might hate to wait, it is definitely worth the sacrifice of time.

He rushed forward speaking so fast that you guessed that he didn’t even breathe as he had begun panting. “Look, I’m really sorry with the way I reacted. I overreacted and made the situation so much worse that it was. And... I forgive you.”

“Thank you.” You said tartly, standing up to move closer to the pick up window after hearing your name called. You picked up your pastries and coffee, then offered him a weak smile as you left.

“Woah, woah, woah, that’s it? You’re just going to leave, no hug or lunch, or anything?” He looked genuinely shocked that you hadn’t accepted his half-assed indirect apology.

Having had enough of this you stop and turned to face him, “Just because you forgave me, doesn’t mean that I forgive you.”

“What?”

“You didn’t trust me.”

His head tilted in confusion as he chased after you, “What do you mean?”

You scoffed and turned around to face him, “What do I mean? You didn’t trust me, and that hurt, but what hurt more was that you didn’t believe me. After I tried so hard… We always talked about the media and how it misconstrues everything. But I guess because it was the other way around, where I was in the limelight instead of you, everything changes right? That gives you the right to disregard everything we promised each other, right? I thought we established trust in our relationship, but I guess I was wrong. What really happened was I trusted you, and you trusted that I would trust you. But it wasn’t the same for you. You never trusted me, and that’s huge in a relationship. I don’t think that I could ever be in a relationship without any real trust. So, thank you for the apology and for your forgiveness but that’s it. That’s all I have to say to you.”

“But that’s not all that I have to say…” He murmured beneath his breath. “Wait. That’s not all I have to say! At least hear me out.”

You sigh, not really wanting to. “Look, I’m kind of in a rush, I have somewhere to be. Maybe next time.”

“Next time? When will the next time be? This is important to me, to us. Why are you walking away?”

You spun around one last time before you boiled over with anger, “YOU walked away from ME, let’s get that straight. YOU are the one who left US. There is no us anymore.” And with that you stormed away.

Jaehyun ran his hands through his hair once, then ran after you.

“Y/N!”

You involuntarily paused. That was enough time for him to make his way in front of you.

“Please, can’t we just talk things out rationally for once? I just-”

“Okay, well that’s not the nicest way of asking to talk.”

“Sorry. Can we talk? Like over dinner or something? I just want it to be longer than two seconds, like really talk.”

You sighed. You felt bad, you kind of just blew up at him for no reason really. You shouldn’t have handled it like that and yelled at him in front of everyone, not to mention you kind of blew him off.

“You’re right.”

“Huh?”

“You’re right, let’s do this right at least one last time.” You said, finally looking him in the face.

“Great, let’s do it at home, I mean at my place. I’ll make dinner.”

You didn’t mean to, but frowned when he said home.

“Yeah that sounds good. Does Friday work?”

“Friday sounds fantastic.” He gave you a small smile, breaking your heart. You didn’t know what he expected out of this dinner, but you had a feeling it wasn’t something to smile about.

“Um, I brought wine.” You were nervous. Why? No idea. Also why did you bring wine? No idea. It probably wasn’t the smartest move, seeing as in the next hour the two of you were drunk and had broken into the rest of the alcohol in the apartment.

“Jae, we’re supposed to be talking about important stuff right now.” You laughed at him as he continued going off about some stupid game night he had with the boys. Apparently Johnny is way into twister, but that man is way too big for the game, and way too big for his opponents.

“I kind of don’t want to anymore.” He stilled, his voice becoming more mellow.

“Why?” Just like that the mood had changed, now everyone’s depressed.

“I know what you’re gonna say, and I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Jae, that was the whole point. To say it outloud and make everything clear.” You sighed, downing the rest of your glass, suddenly more anxious than you had ever been.

“Or, how about we forget it happened and just be in love again?” He asked, the hope evident in his eyes. “I missed you.” He whispered, leaning closer to you, his nose inches from your neck.

“Jae,” Sigh.

“I missed you too.” Your voice was so tiny, half in hopes that he couldn’t hear, half in hopes he could.

His nose took the extra inch, and he snuggled his face in your neck, leaving slight kisses in your favorite spot.

This is a mistake.

His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you taught against him. You could feel the heat of his chest mould with yours.

This is wrong.

The tender kisses reached your lips, attacking the sides before giving in. It grew deep and desperate.

Don’t do it.

He pulled you onto his lap, straddling his thighs before relaxing into his grip. Your arms wrapped around his neck, hungry for more.

Please stop.

His hands traveled, leaving traces of heat behind. He groaned into your mouth and you moaned in response, tugging him impossibly closer.

Don’t stop.

You found your hand trapped as you tried to itch your nose. Groaning, you attempted to roll over. Scratch that, your whole body was trapped. Heat. Body heat, and lots of it.

Your eyes squinted open to find Jaehyun’s face inches from your own. You stared at him, for what may have been minutes before his eyes slowly confronted yours. His face stretched into a smile, pulling you closer to him.

He squeezed you tightly, your head snuggled into the crevice of his neck.

“Morning baby.” His voice sent vibrations through you, it was deeper in the mornings than you remembered.

Before you let your mind wander too far, you placed a hand on his bare chest, trying to distance yourself.

“Babe, a few more minutes and I’ll make you breakfast, how’s that?”

You focused on untangling your legs from his, but between his legs and the sheets it was impossible.

You sighed, “Jae.”

“Y/N.” You could feel him smile above you.

“Can you let go?”

“Never again.”

“Seriously Jae.”

“Why?”

“Please, I just want out.” Your heart was freaking out and you were having a hard time hiding the fact.

He shuffled over, frowning at your back as you ran towards the bathroom.

By the time you came out, feeling a bit more in control of yourself Jaehyun had left the bed, and there was the undeniable smell of his mouth-watering cooking. You stomach growled in response.

How could you stay for breakfast when you knew what was coming next?

“There’s already a plate on the table!” He yelled out the kitchen, somehow already able to tell that you were drooling over the smell.

You dragged your feet to the kitchen table and looked down at the plate.

You could have this again.

As he set down his plate adjacent to yours he gave you the most endearing smile you’ve ever received.

He wanted this. You could have this again.

“Dig in,” He gestured at the plate in front of you. “It’s this new recipe I’m trying out but it’s supposed to be really good.” He gave you a hopeful smile, a sign that he wanted a reaction.

You took a tentative bite, your expression saying all that needed to be said. It was amazing. You sent him a smile and a thumbs up before going in for more.

Jaehyun let out a laugh that was unbelievably contagious.

Why did you ever leave this?

He leaned back in his chair watching you eat. “You know I’ve missed this.”

You froze mid-bite. You weren’t ready for the conversation that was needed.

He leaned forward and rested on his elbows, staring at you. “I know there are mistakes that I’ve made, but I honestly think that I’ve changed and I understand where you were coming from now. I’ve thought about this for a long time and I know it was wrong of me.”

You let him continue as you stared at your plate, unable to look at him.

“I want you to know that I trust you, I wholeheartedly trust you and I can see now how it came off that I didn’t. I’m working on expressing myself better.”

Oh.

He continued. “But I do think that some boundaries were crossed. You shouldn’t-”

The fork made a clang as you set it down on the table, pulling his attention to you when he was cut off.

This is why.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but-”

You can’t do this again.

“You’re right. I don’t want to talk about this.” You said, making his eyes widen. “But I think it’s best if it gets done now.”

You sighed, wiping your mouth with the napkin beside you.

“I know what you’re trying to do when you’re saying all these things. But I can’t. I can’t go through another relationship with you.”

“But-”

“This was a mistake.” Your chair screeched at the sudden movement. His followed in suit.

“But I trust you.” He spoke out, he seemed to be confused.

“It’s not just the fact that you did or didn’t trust me. It’s also that you didn’t let me explain, you didn’t even talk to me without accusation. Sure, trust is important, but so is communication. We don’t have that Jae. I’m sorry. But there’s no way I can get into another relationship with you without feeling anxious and worried about my every move and how you’re going to react or perceive things.”

You walked over to the counter and grabbed your bag, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come over last night, last night should’ve never happened.”

The door shut and Jaehyun was left in an empty apartment once more.

“I thought you were sure you were done with Jaehyun.”

“I am.”

You had been arguing with your best friend for the past week about this.

“Jaehyun and I aren’t going to get back together, we’re done.”

“Then why are you moping around?”

“I’m not.”

You were.

“Sure. We need to get you out of the house so that you can get out there again. There are loads of guys that would be into you.”

“I’m not ready. I’m not just going to jump into a random relationship just because I’m not in one anymore. I’m not that desperate and lonely.”

She frowned, “I’m not saying that you’re desperate or lonely, just maybe have some fun you know?”

“I don’t need to have fun.”

“Fine. Talk to me when you’re not depressed and boring.” She slammed the door on her way out.

Ouch.

To be fair you were kind of being a brat about the conversation, but what didn’t she get about not being ready yet?

Buzz, buzz, buzz.

You answered the phone confused. “Taeyong?”

“Hey Y/N, have you seen Jae by any chance?”

“No? Not since last week, why?”

“Oh, he just went out drinking last night and I can’t get a hold of him. I’m just worried, I thought he might’ve called you.”

You felt guilty. Did he try to call you? Your best friend had made you block him after you came home in tears. Was he out drinking because of you? Was he hurt?

“No, I haven’t heard anything from him. Do you want me to try?” You nervously bit your nails, a habit that you hadn’t been able to break since you and Jaehyun separated.

“Could you? I know things are still hard between you two, but I’m actually worried about him.” You could hear that he was genuinely sorry for putting you in that position, but you offered.

“Sure, it’s no problem. I still want to make sure that he’s safe.”

“Thank you so much. Let me know if you talk to him.” The relief in his voice was evident.

“Alright, bye.”

You sighed, looking at Jaehyun’s contact before unblocking him. It took a few minutes to get the courage to hit the call button.

It rang, once. Twice. Three times.

“Hello?” He sounded so tired and worn out, probably due to the fact that it was hungover, but really you were relieved nonetheless.

“Jaehyun?” You whispered out, losing confidence quickly.

“Y/N? What’s going on? Are you okay?”

You sighed on the line, “Yeah, I was kinda calling to ask you that though.”

“What do you mean?” His voice was much clearer, probably just really waking up.

“Taeyong called me worried cause he couldn’t get a hold of you.”

“Oh.”

There was a brief silence.

“I’m fine.”

“Oh… Okay.”

The pregnant pause was almost too much for you to handle.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to sleep then.” You moved to hang the phone up when you heard him on the other side.

“I miss you.” It came out as a whisper.

You pretended not to hear.

You threw the phone on the bed as you heard the ending dial tone and laid back on your pillow.

It felt as if all the work you had put in to get over him had gone down the drain and you were back to square one.

“Please? I miss you! You broke up with Jaehyun, not me, so why can’t we hang out?” Mark whined on the phone.

You laughed, but there was a hint of tension in it. “I don’t want to run into Jaehyun. Also don’t you feel wrong? Hanging out with his ex-girlfriend?”

“No, cause you’re my friend, who happens to be his ex-girlfriend.” You could hear the pout.

“Fine, but only because I miss you so much.” You laughed at the shout of joy on the other side.

“We should go to the arcade on 5th street, you know the one that has the bowling alley inside. I’m dying to slaughter you.”

“As if. I set the record there, you could never.”

“If I beat you will you date Jaehyun again?” It was meant as a joke, but the sincerity came through.

“Mark…”

“I know, I know. I can always hope right? Anyways, Friday at 7 o’clock, be there or be square.”

The click from the other end cut you off before you had the chance to reply.

Your heart dropped at the sight of Mark’s guilty face. He mouthed his apologies to you but you couldn’t focus on that.

What was he doing here?

“Y/N?” Your breath caught in your throat. Why were they doing this to you?

“Jae?”

“Hey guys!” Johnny came up, hands full of food. “I’ve got the game set up already. Y/N and Jae versus me and Mark.”

Before anyone could protest he pushed past you and sat down at the table. Luckily Jaehyun followed in suit.

You felt an elbow in your side. “I’m sorry. I told Johnny I was going bowling and he insisted that he came along. I didn’t know he was gonna bring Jae. I don’t know why he’s being so pushy right now.”

You focused on putting on your shoes.

“I’m really sorry. I really didn’t know.”

The floor had become interesting.

Mark sighed and patted your back. “I know this was supposed to be our little thing and a little getaway from everything. I know I was pushing for you two to get back together, but I swear I didn’t do this on purpose.”

You stood up, facing him, “I know, I’m just being sensitive. Let’s go, I’ve got some ass to kick. Just cause I’m on Jaehyun’s team doesn’t mean that I’m gonna go easy on you.”

You let out a playful gasp, “You didn’t do this on purpose to throw off my game did you?”

Mark’s face lit up, happy that you weren’t angry or too affected by it.

“Is it working?”

“Mark, even on my worst day I could still kick your ass.”

217-190

You laughed at the face Mark made at the final scores.

“Y’all are buying dessert for losing.” You gloated making faces at Mark and Johnny.

“And don’t get cheap on us, we want the good stuff.” Jaehyun said from next you, folding his arms over his chest.

“Yeah.” You copied his stance.

“Alright fine. But I’m pretty sure you just got lucky this time.” Mark muttered heading to the concessions stand.

You turned to Jaehyun and the two of you high-fived, before awkwardly pulling away.

“You guys seem to be awfully close.” Johnny commented slurping at the last bit of his soda.

There was an awkward exchange of glances between you and Jaehyun.

Before you could reply Jaehyun cleared his throat. “What we can’t be friends?”

He refused to meet your eyes.

“Whatever.” Johnny said as he went to catch up with Mark.

Jaehyun let out a sigh as he fell into the seat next to him.

“Sorry about that, actually sorry about all this. I didn’t know that this was supposed to be a thing for you and Mark.” He rubbed his hands through his hair.

“It’s fine.” You sunk into the seat across from him.

“You know I really thought about it this time. I think you’re right. We shouldn’t, you know, get together again.”

You nodded, showing that you were listening.

“But I still miss you. It’s hard going from seeing you everyday to suddenly never seeing you. Would it be bad if we tried to be friends? I mean, I really had fun today. More fun than I was expecting.” He was scratching at the peeling paint of the table.

“Me too. Yeah, I think we could try to be friends, rather than cutting each other out of each other’s lives altogether.”

“Okay good. And I promise I won’t try to hit on you anymore, or bring up us getting back together.”

“Deal.” You gave him a smile that he instantly reciprocated.

This felt right.

“Woah. What’s this?” Mark set down four milkshakes and his eyes were darting back and forth between you two.

“See I told you something was up between them. Now they’re even smiling at each other.” Johnny pointed at the two of you like you were animals in a zoo.

Jaehyun grabbed Johnny’s finger and pushed it away.

“Guys nothing is going on. We’re just friends, that’s it. We were just talking about how we could totally whip your butt next week if we had to.” He smiled looking at you.

You went along with it, “Yeah, literally any time or day.” You reached for the straws that were a bit out of your reach.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, are you scared?” Jaehyun taunted, while seamlessly grabbing a straw, opening it and plopping it into your drink. “Cause you know, I would be too if I were you.” He went right back to the banter.

Your eyes followed his moves before you realized what you were doing.

Oh no. Maybe friends wasn’t such a great idea.

“I’m not crying.” You said quietly as your best friend enter your room with a box of tissues and a tub of ice cream.

“I know, this is for me.” She said jokingly.

She sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I blew up on you and you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just being pissy and a bitch.” You let out softly, your voice wavering feeling like you were going to break.

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that, and I was being way to pushy with you.” You could hear her voice break, and before you knew it you both burst into tears and hugged each other.

“See? This wasn’t for you, it was for me.”

You let out a laugh and pulled away wiping your eyes with your sleeves. After a bit you both calmed down and were making your way through the tub of ice cream.

“So Jaehyun huh?”

You nodded sadly.

“I feel like I missed a lot.”

Again you nodded.

“Things were going okay. We were friends again, at least trying to be. But I shouldn’t have even agreed to that, because I wasn’t all the way over him and it was like I was falling for everything he was doing again.”

You scooped another spoonful in your mouth, pausing your story.

“And last night?”

You let out a sigh.

“Apparently he went clubbing. I was on the phone with Mark and I heard him come back with another girl. It shouldn’t have been painful you know? Like I definitely told him to move on, but it hurt, a lot. Then I was thinking that maybe I really need to stop being ‘friends’ with him, cause it’s not helping me heal, you know. Ugh, I don’t know. I’m supposed to be over him by now.”

You slumped back on the floor.

There was a long silence, as if your best friend was hesitating to say something.

“Go ahead, say it.”

“Look, I know we just got over our little fight about this, and I just said I won’t push you into anything, but... why don’t we go out? You don’t have to get with a guy or anything. It can be just like old times, we’ll hit up a bar, dance with each other, get drunk and come back here. I think it’ll be fun. We can dress up and feel good about ourselves for a bit. It’ll get your mind off of things too.”

She glanced at you, checking to make sure you weren’t mad.

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s been a while since I’ve gone out. And if Jaehyun can do it, why can’t I?”

“That’s my girl!”

The two of you did cheers with your spoons and gushed about all the drama that you missed the past week.

“Shit. You look hot!” Your best friend praised you as you spun around, blushing at the complement.

“You don’t think it’s too out there? I mean this is really short.” You peered at the mirror in front of you.

“No! Bitch you’ll have all the boys lining down the block, not that you have to take any home, just know that you can.”

You smiled at the reflection. You really couldn’t remember the last time you went out to a club.

Upon entering the club, you could feel the eyes on you and your confidence went up. Shot after shot you felt yourself get more happy and more flirty.

The rest of the night was blurry. What little that you did remember was you dancing with this guy and aggressively flirting with him. It looked like it worked because the next morning he was still there next to you.

Your head was pounding as you sat up, feeling cold and empty. There was no warm cuddles, no soft kisses to wake up to. Just some drunk guy on the other side of the bed.

You dragged yourself to the bathroom and stared at the mirror. You couldn’t recognize yourself, you couldn’t recognize the girl who was dressed up and put together last night. You were a mess.

The last remnants of last night’s makeup disappeared into the trash when you stepped into the shower. Sitting under the blazing heat of the shower you stared at the wall in front of you. Was this fun? Was this what it was to be single? Partying with random strangers, waking up with random strangers, then doing it all over again? Did you want this? Heck, did you even enjoy this?

The steam had fogged up the bathroom so much, that by the time you stepped out of the shower it you couldn’t see anything. You rubbed off the mirror and stared at the reflection again. You touched the marks on your body and your face twisted in disgust. This wasn’t you. You threw on your clothes and left the bathroom, not wanting to look at yourself any longer.

The bed was empty. Not that you were complaining. He did you a favor by leaving, now you wouldn’t have to kick him out. A note on the bed caught your eye.

Thanks for last night, call me if you want to hit it again.

You cringed, throwing it in the trash without even looking at the number at the bottom.

Gross.

I’m not gonna lie, there was a point when I deeply resented you. When I found the news that you were with some other guy, I hated you. Why would you cheat on me? Why wasn’t I good enough for you? That was my first thought. And I accused you, I told you that you didn’t deserve me if you were flirting around with other guys.

I guess I was part of the problem too. I can see that now. You were hurt that I accused you, hurt that I didn’t trust you, hurt that I left you.

But then you left me too. You said you loved me right? Then why didn’t you want this again? I guess I didn’t realize just how much I hurt you.

I think our relationship had always been like that. Like tiptoeing around each other. Weary of the other’s thoughts.

We loved like animals. It was always passionate and fast paced, maybe that was the problem.

We always fought, of course there were good times. That’s why I loved you. We spent a long time together, comfortable and I think we forgot how it was in the beginning. Sweet and slow.

Sometimes we grow out of love. I don’t hate you, I love you. I still do, but it’s not the same. You made me realize that.

Love isn’t easy, we need to work for each other, help each other grow, as people and partners. I think by the time we both realized that, it was too late.

I get it now.

That’s how it is with Ji Eun.

I don’t regret ever dating you, I don’t regret ever falling in love with you. Learning how to love doesn’t come easy and fast. You have to go through trials and tribulations and I’m glad I spent that time of my life learning with you. I wouldn’t have it done it with anyone else.

Sure at times we were childish and stupid, but that’s how you learn. It ended badly and we struggled over it, but I’m not who I am today without that.

Learning what love is is painful, and that’s what you and I went through. Growing pains.

You let the teardrops stain the wedding invitation that you held in your other hand. Despite the tears you smiled.

I don’t regret a single moment either. Of all the people in the world I’m glad it was you.

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