#i don’t want to upset anybody i really really don’t. people deserve it more than i do and have been through more

[astro-tag-9]

Placements most prone to jealousy

(With a brief explanation)

(Also these are not in order)

-Aries Moon: only jealous about things they are possessive over. They know what is in their control and what is beyond their control. But provoking their jealousy is not recommended. Don’t go after what is theirs.

-Taurus Sun: Will get jealous when their person does things without them. They feel a need to constantly be included and when they are left out, they take it personally.

-Cancer Sun: As much as they want their friends and lovers to be happy all the time, truly, sometimes they just can’t get over somebody having fun or being happy without them being apart of it. Kind of similar to Taurus. They will also still be jealous of anybody their ex dates after them they have a hard time letting things and people go.

-Aries Sun: For people that are success driven, they sure can’t stand watching somebody else get the spotlight. They thrive off of their own success so much that it is hard to see people they are close with have it of their own sometimes. They may belittle or put people down out of jealousy; they strive too hard to be the best where they always feel in competition

-Scorpio Sun: Anything they care about they’ll have some jealousy regarding, although not always focused on the negative aspects of jealousy. Deeply emotional people tend to have deeply emotional responses and reactions. Their jealously is one that can easily be tamed by the right actions and words. They will not be jealous about something or someone unless they love it.

-Capricorn Moon: Typically not your average type of jealous, but definitely still there. Only thing that makes them jealous is giving their all at something just watch the guy who put in no effort at all walk out with the prize. To them, nobody thinks as hard, works as hard, or tries as hard as they do in all things.

-Scorpio Mars/Venus: they are the type of lovers that want to be it all for the one they love or are with. If they think an ex lover was better than them in any kind of way, they will hate them for it and try to fill that hole to be better. They know their greatness, but don’t want you telling them about anybody else’s. As much as they want to understand you, they don’t want to know too much about your past. It can upset them dwelling on a life before they knew you.

-Virgo Lilith: They have a hard time fining acceptance. Due to that, when others are much more easily welcomed, they hate it.

-Leo Sun: Kings and Queens of always wanting things they cannot always have. Always wanting more of the people around them. Part of it is they want people they love to be great, and part of it is they have a complex where nobody is able to be better than them. If they are perusing somebody who is already with somebody else, they are not shy about going out of their way to bash on the person they’re with, and make themself seem better. They want what they want.

-Gemini Sun: the only thing that really makes them jealous is seeing somebody they love unable to give them the love they deserve, but then so effortlessly and freely give it onto others. Ex) having your parent favor her other children over you; or having an ex partner who you had to beg to be a better person finally change for somebody, even tho they could not for you.

- 5th/6th/9th/12th house Mars: The “where were you when I needed you” type of jealousy. When they have to go through something alone, and you were nowhere to be found, they might just not forgive you for it.

[mysteriousdragon2]

Howdy everyone. To those who are reading this, I’ll be venting once again. However, this might be a bit more personal. You’re more than free to disregard this post, but to those who read it, thank you for your time.

So…life’s been a complete disaster. My household treats me poorly daily, and I unfortunately cannot escape this situation until I get money to move out.

My parents have hurt me in ways that I cannot explain fully. But I’ll say this for certain: mental abuse. Ever since I was a child, it’s been an ongoing issue. I’m told I deserve to get bullied, told that I’ll never amount to anything, told that I’m a freak who doesn’t deserve anything. No gifts, no friends, no happiness. And everytime I try to be happy for a split second, it gets demolished by my parents with their negative comments about me.

Aches me daily. The more I keep living, the more I sink in those words, and feel useless. I can’t even create art without having someone from my household telling me it’s a waste of time to work on. And art is something I’ve been doing practically all my life.

I despise the fact that I’m being threatened to get kicked out of home if I fail to obey my parents’ unrealistic expectations. When I already do that, it’s bringing me into a state of misery.

Heck, I feel like a terrible friend to those who are currently my friend. I just keep spewing my moronic feelings, and have no input about it. Sometimes I think it’s best that I remain silent about venting to my friends. I’m only making this post just to notify others about how I’ve been and my feelings over the past couple years.

Sometimes, I have mood swings and it sets me into unwanted places. Although random, they are manageable. Usually doing something I enjoy solves this. But it’s really irritating to have my parents tell me that art doesn’t do anything to a person. Boy are they wrong. Art has made me very creative and patient, and that is wonderful. My art has gotten better thanks to the many art trades I’ve done with people.

Yet, I feel out of it. With just about anything I do, my stress level keeps getting worse to certain things. I’m claustrophobic, so being around a ton of people or closed spaces and or objects get my mind racing. I hate that I’ve met people joking about claustrophobia, it’s not okay. When people treat a phobia as a joke, please don’t do that. It grinds my gears.

Anyhow, sometimes I feel like I’m inferior sad a person and a friend. And often I choose to avoid people for the sake of their health, plus others are busy, so I get it.

What upsets me, is getting abandoned. By my close friends especially. Or anybody that’s genuinely kind to me. Countless times have I keep ghosted without a word by many people, and it’s never a pleasant feeling. You feel shackled and shut down. The fact this happens often really shows how terrible I am. But to those who have been my friend for a while, thank you.

The only thing keeping me intact at the moment, is Hol Horse. He’s been nothing but an example I follow, to always be a number 2. And to never strive for perfection, or being a perfectionist. He has his own way of life, and so do I want to aim for that someday. He means so much to me, more than I can express.

Sorry for the venting. Just wanted to express how I’ve been feeling and what’s going on. Thanks to those who read it.

Have a good one, everyone.

[candeathbereal]

Random Astro observations

-Leo suns with fire moons are just really talkative and social a lot of the time. At least the ones I have met so far. I have met people who react to small things with a big reaction who happened to all be Leo suns and an Aries moon. Sometimes I’ll have their sun conjunct my rising and I think that attracts them to me. I also blame having my ascendant aspecting my sun, Pluto, and Venus. It also has aspects with my Neptune and Lilith. So I’m used to people assuming that not trying to get to know me and just having a playful conversation with me bonds us somehow.

-That is another thing i swear I will do something just to see how long it will take for someone to adopt that mannerism. Honestly I have people at my work greeting me with 🤙🏻, and that’s mostly because I would just do that with them. Actually I wouldn’t even always use it with them, like I would deadass do it with someone else or even just randomly. I swear this isn’t the first time this has happened. Throughout most of my life I would just exist and the reactions people would have are interesting. I’m pretty sure they think my blank expression is me “trying to act cool” but really I’m just chilling in my own world since I’ve been entertaining myself a lot since I was a kid. Sometimes I’m just people watching like you can talk to me but again I’m just existing in this room. I’m not trying to do anything else besides what I need to do. Sorry for the long ass paragraph about myself. Truly a Leo rising moment I know.

-Sag mercuries will say shit just for the reaction of a person. I personally don’t really say stuff just to say stuff but I can understand the reason they do it sometimes. They just want to learn more about people. Idk it’s my main theory so far. As an Aries Mercury I will talk to myself more than others. I find sag mercuries entertaining for sure, but I know that if I said anything too blunt I could harm them. I wonder if my lack of words influences this as well idk tho.

-A person with a scorpio sun and a Capricorn moon will have a special place in my heart. Like with their sun in my fourth house and their moon in my sixth house. Idk I just really enjoy their presence and I want all the attention from them. I will get upset if I have to talk in a group with them because why should anybody else get the attention that I deserve. It’s such a childish thing so I try my best to avoid these situations but it just happens a lot.

Alright that’s it for now. Hope you guys enjoyed this random ass post

[yulin-pop]

⤷ ✧ Vil Schoenheit with a crush

Gender neutral

- order 56 | Headcanons | Vil

Note: It felt like I was writing an argumentative essay for some reason. Also he’s very pretty and I love him. Tbh I’m reluctant to post this since this isn’t very romantic :(

⇥ Rook Hunt • Idia Shroud ⇤

He’s so disappointed. He has high standards and there’s nobody who has reached those standards. However, he still has a crush on you.

Vil is some what annoyed with his own feelings. Yeah it’s somewhat directed towards you. He’s both simping for you and death glaring you.

He’s all about appearances so of course he’s gonna look his best whenever he’s around you. Even if it doesn’t matter to you, he appreciates that but he’s doing it for himself. He’s just especially charming and is glowing more than usual when he’s with you.

He’s gonna be flirting hella hard but will get very upset if you stay oblivious or dismiss him. He’s trying so hard for you please at least acknowledge him.

If he’s gonna be with you, then you have to look almost as good as him (not as good, nobody could be better than him/hj). He hands you a bunch of beauty products and tells you to use them every single day. He made sure that it worked on your type of skin and everything.

Plus he styles you, he’s really making sure you look perfect. One wrinkle in your clothes and he’s freaking out and scolding you (in a loving way).

All of this sounds very negative but he’s actually really sweet. He defends you no matter what. Some people say stuff about how you don’t deserve his attention and such however that’s not true. He knows that.

He’s also a very effective tutor. Some people would think he would get mad if you didn’t get something but if you were putting in actual effort then he’s gonna help you no matter how long it takes.

Also he genuinely thinks you’re beautiful in your own way already. It’s not the traditional type of beauty but he still finds it compelling. He wants to enhance that beauty yk.

He takes you out a lot. He has the money and he would gladly spent a good amount of money on you. He liked taking you out because you two look like an actual couple. He takes pictures and he has a whole album of pictures dedicated to you. He knows better not to post them but he just looks at them and smiles. (Love is real guys)

He only admits this in his head but you give him a strong feeling that hes never felt before. It’s a happy feeling that he only ever feels around you. He never wants the moment to end.

But honestly, he’s gonna get more and more direct with you.

It’s obvious that you’re important to Vil since people see him scolding you and pampering you like Epel but different. It seems less obligation but love.

That look in his eyes makes it seem like he’s about to kiss you sometimes.

It’s no secret to Rook. Rook makes comments about his love for you, Vil isn’t surprised that Rook caught on. He won’t deny it to Rook however he is fighting for his life against anybody else.

He’s denying it so hard because it would be bad if it got out “Vil Schoenheit has a secret lover!!” He doesn’t feel like dealing with that.

Also you and Epel best friends because you two get similar treatment except you get privileges and he doesn’t.

[cringefaecompilation]

okay actual serious ep80 thoughts now

first things first: "tHeY didn’t LeArN aNyThInG" feels like it’s really reductive. i think people came into this expecting all of their communication problems to be insta-fixed so that they can be a perfect cute little found family and that's just not how bh rolls. i do think that it was a much needed diversion from them constantly forcing themselves into third gear (along with the wok sledding, everyone forgets the wok sledding) to stop the bad guys. other people have pointed out that if not given any instructions they’ll be fine with opening up to each other and being genuine, but they froze and immediately started getting antsy the moment they were told to. i just think that’s funny.

i don’t think imogen and laudna are hypocrites. rather they’re very much stuck with their own traumas and assume that their experiences are universal. imogen thinks she was born cursed and that everything in her life has just been set up to punish her for something she inherently deserves. there’s an abusive cunt off the port bow trapped in laudna’s head that she literally had to force herself to walk away from (and make saving throws to stop) to not be forced into hoovering up that shard without her consent.

they both saw fearne shrug off dozens of times she could have died horribly or faced terrible consequences and get off scott-free and missed the forest for the trees. they want her to take power because she can actively consent to it rather than be slapped with insane power at a young age and then forced to course-correct, which probably explains why they got so angry at ashton for "tricking" her: they saw it as them taking something she could use to better herself.

and on that note, laudna telling fearne she’s glad she could make her choice didn’t feel like it was backhanded, envious, bitter, none of that. i think she genuinely does see this as fearne making a choice on her own behalf in a way that she is incapable of.

the whole kerfuffle with callowmoore didn’t make me hate the ship, but it did make me even less fond of the fans of it given the shippers who turned on ashton saying all kindsa nasty shit that got disproved in the 4sd. i’ve always preferred the idea of a slowburn with these two because ashley has said fearne is unsure of how she would handle love or a relationship herself and now taliesin has said that ashton finds themselves unlovable.

as much as i joke and bitch, i don’t think that everyone’s been "forcing the ship" so much as they’ve been assuming that the constant flirtations between the two of them will make them more comfortable with taking the shard and meeting in the middle. the two of them deciding to be friends for the moment is far superior and makes the slow burn way more likable because now it’s something on their own terms rather than them getting together because they were told to.

irregardless of it stays platonic or develops into romance "callowmoore is abusive" is a terrible take no matter if you like the ship or hate it and i hate that it got blown so far out of proportion anditmademelegithateanothershipbutlikethatsnotimportantrightnowandidontwantpeopletogetmadatmeokay.

and yet! there’s always going to be this huge discomfort of the fact that fearne was always unsure about taking it, didn’t explain why she was unsure to anybody expect for chetney (and orym should have fucking said something), and then just decided to take it just so people would stop hassling her about it. she wasn’t forced into taking it but she certainly was backed into a corner about it. she did not ever want it but she saw that it was making everyone really upset and took it because hey, might as well.

"we all might as well" is something everyone’s been saying and while everyone else has their reasons for making the best out of a terrible situation, fearne notably did not have the exact same problem that most of them shared (i have this insane power inside me threatening to blow at any given second that i just have to live with on a daily basis). she wasn’t even aware of the raw deal she had been saddled in her existence with until it was pointed out to her!

long story short the main problem it seems that bh has to get over is just assuming they know what's best for each other. it should’ve been fcg and i will die on that hill. let ashton have a robot sister.

[lazaefair]

I am begging white fandom to DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING.

I’ve only experienced a tiny, tiny fraction of what Stitch has experienced, and I still think about it every few days that there are malicious people out there who are still actively stalking my blog, who know where I live, and have attempted to terrorize me with that information before. And you know who gives a shit about that? No one. I still have not had anybody stand up and openly defend me in TOG fandom. Ever.

(Hell, at this point I’ll take just people doing some basic fact-checking.)

Anyway, as bad as all this feels, it’s still nothing compared to what Stitch has gone through. I tend to default to the hope that things are getting better. But it’s hard to hold on to that hope when the violent racism just keeps showing up day after day after day.

From the podcast transcript:

There are white supremacists in fandom who get away with it, because they’re, like, pretending somehow that they’re better at anti-racism than me, that they’re calling me out on behalf of, like, whatever villain stans are currently upset with me for no reason. And they get away with overt white supremacy in fandom, because they’re pro-fandom, nominally, and it’s like, I don’t want to wait around until I start doing offline events and someone decides, you know, to defend fandom they have to, like, shank me in the line at Comic-Con. People are scarily violent about it. I’ve had people suicide-bait me—I guess, that’s a terrible word, I’ve had people say I should kill myself. You know, I’ve had people wish harm on me. And it’s like, well, if anything happened to me, it’s not like you’d care. It’s not like you would go, “Oh, that sucks. They should have left Reylos alone.” There’s no point at which people will go, “Shit, I really fucked up in supporting this. I’ve made fandom such a bad place.” 

Because to them, what matters is that I would no longer be around ruining fandom for them. Forget that fans of color deserve space to be fans of color, and that means positively and negatively talking about race. Forget that we have been in fandom as long as everybody else has. Talking about racism is the real problem in fandom, and anybody who ruins fandom by bringing that to attention deserves whatever they get, you know? People are not going to listen. They’re not going to learn. 

I think that if, when I started this, people had been more aggressive in—or aggressive at all in defending me and defending my work, instead of writing it off as somebody else’s problem, or complaining about my tone, maybe things would be different. But we’re seeing just really racist radicalization in all of the different social spaces and political spaces. Like, why would queer transformative fandom be any different? 

[zuxbegsiwkw]

“You're always…getting hurt. Always...because of me”

Casca drove Guts crazy. He loved Casca so much, but he also had dark urges to eat Casca’s insides, kiss her bare, as well as cuddling with Casca's slowly disintegrating body. Casca was the source of these thoughts, which Guts tried to control as best he could. The walls would be covered in the blood of anybody who came close to her, and he wanted Casca to be completely his and nobody else's. These ideas weren't bothersome; he only wanted to stab endlessly into the bodies of those he disliked and leave their twisted, unidentifiable remains deep in the forests for no one to find, especially Casca. Guts would never do something to upset her, he loves her.

When Guts found out Casca and Griffith started dating his thoughts started to get darker. He wanted to kill Griffith, chop off his limbs and send it to every single one of the band of the hawks members so no one else will get close to Casca. Guts hated Griffth with all of his heart. First he acts like he’s above him then he gets with Casca how dare he try to take Casca away from him. Griffith could never love Casca as much as Guts would. Guts was going to make sure Griffith realized exactly what big mistake he made getting with Casca. It was no longer just thoughts at this point, Guts was going to follow through with it this time. Griffith won't ever be seen ever again. I'll make sure to comfort Casca, be there for her through everything and make her realize how much better I am than Griffith ever would’ve been.

Guts sets out to find Griffith at night he knows he’ll be alone at this time. He sneaks up to Griffith’s tent, the lanterns out he should be asleep. Guts walks in quietly and hastily; he wouldn’t want to be seen that would cause suspicion especially after tonight. As I walk in I see Griffith sleeping, he looks so peaceful. It's too bad he did save me, but this is for love. “Sorry Griffith” I say quietly only if he didn’t get in the way. I raise my sword up and bring it down and strike his neck over, over and over again till his head falls off, never giving Griffith time to scream or fully process what just happened. Bloods everywhere, I have to clean myself off and make sure I don’t get caught. I sneak out of Griffith’s tent just as quietly if not more than when I went in. I take what used to be him with me. I need to get rid of his body. I'll bury him in the woods. I pick up Griffith’s pathetic body and bring it to the woods. As Guts throws Griffith in what would be his final resting place he looks at the head Guts cut off happily. All Guts can think about is how Griffith deserved it for distracting his one true love. Guts goes to the lake to wash himself off. He makes sure he gets every drop of blood off his clothes, body, and sword and scrubs till his arms start to burn. He heads back to his tent. “ It was a good night.”

************************************

It’s been three days since Griffith has been missing and it’s also been three whole days where Guts has been truly happy. Now all he has to do is convince his true love to forget about that pathetic man and fall in love with him. Here she comes, she hasn’t been out of her tent since Griffith disappearance, I’ve been starting to get worried. “Hey Guts, I need to tell you something that's important,” she says. She still looks upset for some reason. “Sure tell me” I say nonchalantly. “Guts I think someone has to know something or had something to do with it” she says quietly like she thinks someone’s listening to us. “Casca stop it, it couldn’t be we’ve known these people for years there’s no way they would betray or do something to Griffith” I try to “reassure” her knowing she’s right. Why can’t she realize I did it for us? Why can’t she move on already? “I know, I know but Guts I don’t know what to do I miss him, I really love him and I know he loves me too there’s no way he ran away right?” she starts to tear up, this is my chance. I bring her close and hug her. I love how close we are. It should have always been like this, her and I. Not her with anyone else. Just thinking about that makes me want to throw up, it’s disgusting. Every one of their kisses, every one of their conversation, longing stares from afar, smiles, touches, and gifts dedicated to each other was so repulsive to watch and I wasn’t even able to say anything. I know that prick did it in front of me on purpose, that was why he deserved it. “Casca, maybe it was for the better. We all know Griffith would’ve been too distracted with his dream to give you any of his attention” I try to sound as sad as possible but I can’t help but to feel so overjoyed that she came to talk to me first. I can’t wait until she loves me. I love her so much. I can’t help it, she makes me so fucking crazy.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

This whole thing has been very upsetting and disturbing. I don’t understand why some people just can’t act like a normal person. Why can’t they see that Evan, everyone he’s connected to, and you as the admin of this blog and everyone that interacts here are human beings? I just saw that another blog which I really liked, the tarot blog, has decided to delete their blog after getting so many rude anon messages for months attacking them simply because they don’t feed into these weird people’s delusions about Evan and his exes. She’s a human being and doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. It’s sad to me that something innocent and fun has been ruined by malicious people. This whole incident has made me as well question whether I want to interact in this fandom because some people are just too crazy and it’s exhausting to have these bizarre things happen. Idk it’s just really upsetting.

this honestly makes me sad. there's no reason that people should feel forced out of the fandom because of the abundance of deranged stans who insert themselves into every conversation, and pull batshit stunts like what we saw today.

@evanpeters-tarotreadings while i completely understand your reasoning, your presence will most definitely be missed in this space. i appreciate you not letting anybody's bullshit slide and have enjoyed our conversations. still, nothing is more important than protecting your own mental well-being, and at the end of the day, we both know the fact that we can interact anonymously on here is a blessing and a curse. we can't have one without the other, because negative, hateful.. and quite frankly deranged people will always utilize this tool freely. and sometimes it can get to be too much. i wish you the best and hope that if you choose to, you find a comfortable way to engage with the fandom and not be burdened by peoples' nonsense. take care of yourself!

[prolife-is-prolie]

Prolifers assaulted her when she went to get an abortion. Years later, they celebrated when she had a miscarriage. (Part 2)

Link for part 1

TW: In this interview, A discusses being in an abusive relationship, being raped, getting assaulted outside of Planned Parenthood, her friends suicide, her miscarriage, and some hate comments left by trolls.

Me: I actually have some screenshots of the comments right here. I was going to ask for your thoughts on them. Here is one, followed by some responses from other trolls. What are your thoughts?

A: Clearly my DMs hit a nerve with them. If God is willing to make someone miscarry just because they wrote a letter he doesn’t like, then God is a bigger asshole than I thought. And the fact that these “prolifers” are laughing just proves that they truly don’t give a damn about life.

Me: Here’s another one. What are your thoughts?

A: What I said in my letter is true. The fetus never experienced life. It never took a breath and it never even opened its eyes, if it even had any. And calling it a baby is so manipulative. I may have called it a baby every now and then, but that’s because it has become so normalized in society. I knew that it wasn’t a baby, it was a fetus. And me calling it a baby doesn’t change that.

Me: This individual thinks that you should be investigated and thrown in jail. What are your thoughts?

A: I hate to break it to this person, I’m not in jail and I never will be. Because I haven’t killed anybody or anything. For a while, I did believe that it was my fault I miscarried. But it’s not. Also, calling vaccines poison? Seriously? I will never understand how someone can call themself prolife while being antivax, when vaccines save lives!

Me: This individual says you don’t deserve a baby. Your thoughts?

A: This person is clearly 12. They’ll know better when they’re older, hopefully.

Me: This individual references your DM’s and says it's hate-filled. Thoughts?

A: Damn, they’re really bitter about those DMs. I bet they’re mad that I see through their fake congratulatory comments. They were hoping to use me as a pawn and I wanted no part in it. That’s why they’re mad.

Me: Here are four more comments. Your thoughts?

A: I’m seeing the word “karma” a lot in these comments. If these people truly believed that a fetus is a baby, then why are they saying that karma got me? If they believe that a fetus is a baby, they would be mourning it instead of trashing me and weaponizing my miscarriage. They’re making themselves look bad.

Me: We’re almost done, here’s two more.

A: They’re saying I deserved to miscarry, but what about the fetus? Everytime they say that I deserved this, they’re inadvertently saying that the fetus deserved to die. I thought they didn’t want that. These people are talking out of both ends and it’s hilarious to watch.

Me: Last one. This comment refers to three prominent prolifers; Grace Sandusky (prolifebarbie), Constance Becker (noapologiesprolife), and Melanie Salazara (melaniesalazara). Currently, Grace and Melanie are pregnant and Constance had a baby. This comment claims that they haven’t miscarried and you have because their hearts are “pure and full of love” while your heart is “black and cold.” They also think that your miscarriage is for the best. What are your thoughts?

A: Well, I saw how Grace, Constance, and Melanie behaved after the overturn. They shrieked and cheered and celebrated, not taking into account the negative repercussions of abortion bans. I saw how Grace and her husband laughed at people who were upset over the overturn. And then Grace tried to do an about face and apologize to people who her buddies have harassed. I saw Constance on an episode of Jubilee, in which a girl stated that she got an abortion after being raped. Almost immediately, Constance piped up with, “What about the baby?” She totally disregarded that girl’s experience and zeroed in on the fact that she had an abortion. I saw Melanie raise her hands and scream in joy over and over because Roe was overturned. All three of these women display such disgusting behavior, so to say that their hearts are pure and full of love is absurd.

Have any of them talked about Kate Cox? I bet they haven’t. What about Marlena Stell? Or what about the women in Texas suing the state over the abortion bans because these laws negatively affected them. Have Grace, Constance, and Melanie talked about them? No, they haven’t. Because they do not care. They only care about the unborn, and once the baby is born, they can't give two shits. It doesn’t matter what they say. They can discuss pregnancy centers all day and they can discuss how these centers help women, even though they really don’t. Their actions speak louder than their words. They’re all talk but they never put their money where their mouths are. They make me sick. I wish them well on their pregnancies and in motherhood, I really do. But that doesn’t change the fact that I strongly dislike them and will always look at them in disgust.

And their silence speaks volumes. They know they’ve been tagged in this comment. I’ve seen them respond to prochoicers on multiple occasions. It’s not like they’re famous and their notifications are constantly blowing up. I can guarantee that they’ve seen this comment. And neither of them have spoken up to disavow it.. Because they agree with it. And I bet they agree with these other troll comments as well.

Me: Damn, you went off!

A: Can you blame me?

Me: Not one bit. So anyway, how are you feeling now?

A: To be honest, the feelings are still raw. I’m still depressed about the miscarriage. But life goes on. I’m not sure if I will be able to get pregnant again because my periods are so irregular. I’m amazed that I was able to get pregnant at all. But will I be able to stay pregnant? I guess time will tell. I’m also still experiencing some pregnancy symptoms. My feet are still swollen and I’m still a little bloated. But the symptoms are residing. To be honest, I’m going to miss being pregnant. I’m still coming to terms with the fact that my uterus is empty once again. But it is what it is.

Me: Now to wrap up this interview, are there any final words you would like to say to the antichoicers?

A: I will never forgive them for this. I will never forgive them for obnoxiously celebrating when Roe overturned. I will never forgive them for assaulting me outside of Planned Parenthood. I will never forgive them for leaving these nasty comments. I will never forgive them for spreading lies. I will never forgive them for being hypocrites and keeping quiet while everyday, more and more people are being hurt and dying from the laws that they support. I hope they buckle in, because abortion rights keep winning. Every state in which abortion was on the ballot has leaned in favor of prochoice. Because the country is prochoice. And it’s about time these antichoicers get over it. Abortion isn’t going anywhere.

[crownmemes]

The House of Cards Trilogy (The Final Cut) Sentences

(Sentences from the House of Cards Trilogy (The Final Cut, 1995). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"I want to leave my mark on the world."

"People are so very unappreciative, aren't they?"

"I've been here so long now that, love me or hate me, it's hard for anyone to imagine anybody else in my place."

"She's quite upset. She called you a bastard."

"I was doing my duty. I was carrying out orders."

"I think you should rest. You're not really making much sense."

"You really are utterly contemptible, aren't you?"

"As you think you're so clever, perhaps you'd like to suggest your own answer to that question?"

"You deserve absolute honesty from me."

"I don't want anyone to think of me as sweet or devious."

"Some games are just too interesting to resist."

"No one is left that can threaten me now. No one is left that can possibly damage me."

"On these occasions, a certain amount of petulance is expected and forgiven."

"I'll hurt him for you before this is over, and that's a promise."

"I owe so much to you."

"I have far more important things to think about than petty politics."

"I've got a job to do, you know, and I fully intend to do it."

"Clever old bastard, isn't he? It's going to take something special to break him."

"All the world's a photo opportunity. "

"You are a vision of loveliness, as per usual."

"Nobody wins on a sympathy vote."

"I don't think I could bear to see you wounded."

"Don't you know yet? I could forgive you anything."

[chiefhalliday]

Rowan hated clichés, but this one had never rung so true.

He returned home late from work one night, not long after taking on his new job, to find an expensive envelope slotted in his mailbox with just his name beautifully printed on the front in red pen. He recognised the handwriting instantly and a concoction of emotions started to brew within him. Anger, resentment, regret, upset, yearning… love.

Part of him wanted to rip open the envelope and the other part wanted to throw in in the fire, but after pouring himself a glass of whisky and sitting down at the dining table, Rowan fished his glasses out of his pocket and tore open the envelope’s seal.

The one that got away might have been younger than him by a decade, but she made Rowan feel like there was still some life in him and like love truly was possible despite the hopelessness in the world. Her charm and gentleness was utterly enchanting, her bright smile captivating, and her creativity knowing no bounds. She was such a flirt at first, too; always complimenting his pristine uniform, his assertiveness, and his dazzling green eyes. Rowan knew that she had really fallen for him in the exact same way he’d fallen for her- slowly and then all at once- even if she’d been quick to deny it at the time. And her letter was simply confirmation that he had been right all along.

The letter itself read:

I heard you got the promotion of a lifetime- congratulations! I can’t think of a more deserving person to take on the role of the police chief of New York City. I’m sure your family must be very proud and I have no doubt your father is. I’m very proud of you, too.

I didn’t just write you to say that, though. It probably doesn’t mean much anymore, but I’m sorry. Deeply and truly. I didn’t think too much of my my actions when I left you, but it’s been something that’s weighed on my mind for some time now. I understand if you can’t forgive me and I certainly don’t expect you to, but the only way to make this right was to send you this letter with what I hope you don’t think is a feeble attempt at an excuse or explanation.

I was never very honest with you, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love you. The most honest thing I ever said was that I love you. I had things with you that I didn’t have with my ex-husband, like the fact you always had time for me no matter how busy you were, you listened to me even when I was distressed over the silliest things, and you alway supported my work even when my frustrations made me snap and doubt myself. There’s no amount of gratitude in the world that I could ever repay you with and even now I owe you more than just gratitude. I could never give you what you deserve, though, I won’t ever be able to face the debt, emotional or otherwise.

I will always love you, Rowan, and nothing will ever change that. Our circumstances have put us on opposite sides of a line that neither of us can cross, but perhaps in other lifetime you and I would have been happily married and taking on the world together. I try not to think about what could have been because it only makes me realise how much I messed up; you know me, I would never admit to my flaws out loud, but that needed to be addressed. However, as much as I regret letting you go, it was the right thing to do. It meant that you could dedicate yourself to your job and to the people of New York without something bad ever happening to me, without having to worry if I’d be threatened by somebody you’d put behind bars, and without you ever being ruled by your heart instead of your head.

You’re a good man- the best I know- and I hope that you don’t change for anybody.

Purposely, she had broken his heart. And truthfully, it had never healed. If he knew then what he knew now, then Rowan wouldn’t have let Evie go so easily, but maybe her strength and determination to leave saved him the heartache and effort of having to beg her to stay. She was also such a private person and he a public one and that maybe they were just too polarising to have worked out. Evie was so wrong for him, but everything had felt so right: another stupid cliché Rowan hated, yet fit the situation perfectly.

The letter, which would later find its permanent home in his nightstand drawer, was conflicting. It didn’t make Rowan feel better, however it didn’t make him feel worse either. But he did appreciate it. It was implied that she would never intentionally see him again, although he hoped that he’d one day see Evie on the other side of the street wearing her signature red coat, the confident expression that said ‘I’m unstoppable’, and that Rowan would catch her eye and they’d exchange smiles, both of them knowing it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

[masterjedilenawrites]

Hello! Not sure if you are still doing the blind date thing but if you are:

I go by Rin and I’m pretty tall for my age (so above average) and I have dark brown hair to match my dark brown eyes. I wear gold rimmed glasses that love to slip down my nose. I’m quite a bookworm and I like to write my own stories but I’m quite self conscious about them so I don’t write around many people.

I’m a false-extrovert (introvert who acts like an extrovert to fit in) and I will match anybody’s energy in order to make them happy and stuff. I’ve been told I’m a ppl pleaser so 🤷‍♀️ but my social energy drains really quickly so I’ll be tired and quiet and even sometimes cranky/snappish and get angry at people. I also have social anxiety so I’ll blubber away to try and impress people or speak faster than my mind can handle and I say some inconsiderate things sometimes (I roast people without having any ill intent but it still sounds rude)

I’m fiercely loyal but I’ve had some toxic people in my life which has made me very careful about who I trust and interact with. I’m pretty sure I’m an empath because I feel guilty if I upset people even if they deserved what was coming to them and I tend to overthink A LOT.

I’ve never been on a date before because I’m quite nervous about attachments to people so I usually avoid any types of advancements. If I had to choose a place to go though, it would probably be a typical Pinterest date with a library or a cafe or a hike in the forest or something.

Okay that was a lot of blubbering- I prefer a male matchup but a female matchup is also fine with me. Whoever you think would be the best :D

Thanks Lena!

I've been waiting to set up this one character for a while, for the right person to come into my inbox, and I think it's you!

Your date is...

✨Eli Vanto!✨

Eli is a pretty chill guy. He does get anxious sometimes, especially when he's being pulled around by Thrawn on some new scheme, but for the most part he can keep his cool and just take a moment for what it is, so that's the energy you'll find yourself matching on this date. He'll casually introduce himself, throw out a few suggestions for things you can do on your date, and let you decide what sounds good to you. Library, cafe, hike... whatever you want, he's down for it.

He'll be surprised at how easy it is to get to know you as well, making him realize he's probably spending way too much time with Thrawn these days. With you, he doesn't have to guess what's going on in your head, or worry about how to make himself understood in return. He can relax and have a good laugh, go on a little adventure around town, make references to normal things without having to explain what it means... he loves it. And he loves how warm and sincere you are. It makes him feel all fuzzy inside (not that he'll ever admit it).

Whenever your social battery has drained, Eli will take you home. This is where he may act a little more awkward or anxious than he was earlier in the date. He wants to give you a hug or kiss, or give you his number, but he's suddenly not sure how to do that without coming across pushy. He'll need some reassurance from you on what you want, what next steps could be possible for you two.

✨

Previous blind dates with a Star Wars character

[sga-owns-my-soul]

thanks @frostysfrenzy for the tag!!

Were you named after anybody? nope! my siblings both have their middles names after our grandparents but i’m not named after anyone

When was the last time you cried? uhh idk honestly i think a few days ago?

Do you have kids? no and i don’t want any. my brother has two girls and my friend has a kid and i love them but i am more than happy in the aunt role thanks

Do you use sarcasm a lot? it was tempting to respond to this with sarcasm 😂😂 yes i use sarcasm a lot i am a very sarcastic person and it’s a little problematic honestly

What sports did you play/have you played? when i was a tiny baby child i played soccer, and in grade 7 i did cheerleading which i loved and desperately want to get back into some day, even just casually

What’s the first thing you notice in somebody? idk probably their hair honestly

Eye colour? blue but they get really grey when i’m upset apparently (idk i don’t tend to look in mirrors when i’m crying)

Scary movies or happy endings? i do love some good angst or suspension but i’m a sucker for a happy ending (especially a happy ending following an angsty story that’s some good stuff)

Any special talents? does cat grooming count? i don’t wanna brag or boast so i won’t go too much into it (unless people want me to bc tbh i could probably make an essay about it) but i’m really good at what i do and a big part of it is bc i respect the cats and if they are telling me “no this needs to stop” i will always listen. cats are very dramatic and i know the difference between “i’m annoyed and this sucks” and “i am not okay with this situation and i’m warning you that you need to stop” and listening when they need you to makes SUCH a difference in the service. anyways i’m proud of the work that i do and i’m really passionate about it (and i’m kinda really good)

Where were you born? in a hospital! in the horrible province of alberta, canada! (i’m kidding it’s actually a beautiful province and there’s a lot to love our government just kinda sucks and a lot of people are really bigoted)

What are your hobbies? i watch a lot of tv (stargate mostly at the moment surprise surprise) and read/write fan fic (take a guess what) but i’ve been trying to pick up some more stuff that takes me away from screens. i started drawing, which im horrible at and i love. i started knitting, and as soon as i get the right needles im gonna make a temperature blanket. im also trying to take up swimming, dancing, and rock climbing to get into better shape! i love all 3 activities im just really bad at making myself be active so it’s a slow process lol

Do you have pets? yes!! currently just my orange gremlin, charlie (should i make a post about him i feel like he deserves a space on my blog idk lemme know if i should) and he owns my heart (even if he is a fuckin menace who ruins my life and never lets me sleep)

How tall are you? idk 5’2? 5’3? ish? somewhere around that range

Favourite subject in high school? theatre in general but specifically tech theatre. i took a theatre intensive class all 3 years of high school and it was 4 classes rolled into one and tech theatre was one of them. i ended up doing stage management in grade 11 kind of as a fluke and i fell in LOVE it was so much fun i miss it

Dream job? cat grooming 🥰🥰🥰 i love it so so much and i love that i get to do it for my career

this was so fun thanks again for the tag!! i’m gonna tag @the-mushroom-faerie @spurious @books-space-things @zababova-pomsta @colonelshepparrrrd and as always anyone else who wants to but hasn’t been tagged! ((no pressure to do this if you don’t want to!))

[thtdamfangirl4]

Bisexual people don’t owe you ANYTHING. We don’t owe you proof or explanations, we don’t need to be more queer or less straight or any of that bullshit because we are exactly what we are: bi. We don’t need to be with a person of the same gender to fucking validate ourselves in your eyes. We don’t need to share our dating histories or personal information just cause you want to know. It’s none of your goddamn business, and nobody asks the same questions of straight people, and they rarely ask it of gay people too.

I know this is a community, and that we all have so many shared experiences, but I’m so goddamn sick of the rampant biphobia in the world and so many people don’t see it or think about it or they let it slide. It fucking sucks. I’m sick of defending myself to heteronormative assholes who don’t believe I exist, for whom I am not straight enough. And I’m sick of reading posts from queer people, the kind of people I usually feel safest around, that tell me I don’t belong in their spaces.

In all honesty, I’m an incredibly privileged person. I am. I’m white and grew up in an upper middle class family and I’m able bodied and intelligent and I went to good schools and had a mostly good family, and I didn’t get dealt a lot of difficult cards. All of this is to say that, much like everything else in my life, I don’t really give a shit about myself.

I got fucked up from some things that happened to me, but I never really did anything about it or felt angry until I saw it happen to people around me. I consider my own feelings far less often than I consider those of the people I care about. That’s how I feel about this. So if you want to be a biphobic asshole, direct it at me. I’ve taken it before, and I’ll survive it again. I can hear slurs and bible passages from family and priests and deal with people I considered friends telling me I would never really be a part of the queer community. Throw it at me if you’re a shithead who needs a target cause if I see you doing it to one more kid who’s going to internalize it the way I did, I’ll fucking lose my mind.

We don’t owe you anything, and we don’t deserve your hatred and constant invalidation. Stop erasing us. Stop berating us. And for the love of GOD, stop telling kids who they are or are not supposed to be, or placing labels on themselves that they’re not ready to hand you. WE DONT OWE YOU A LABEL. QUEER PEOPLE OF ALL KINDS DO NOT OWE YOU A COMING OUT. Heteronormative society demands one, because to them, we are outliers, we are strangers, we must announce ourselves. Fuck that bullshit. We owe you NOTHING. Celebrities??? They owe you NOTHING. Believe what you want to believe, but stop pressuring people to reveal their private lives to you. They owe you NOTHING. And especially if that person is young, you have no idea how much damage you’re doing. Stop commenting on everything about how “queer coded” something is. It’s a person’s LIFE. It’s not a code to be cracked. You want to talk about that? Text your friend, tell your roommate, say it to upset your dad. But don’t go yell across the internet void at an impressionable human being (something we are at every age) that you “know their secret.” You’re making it harder. You’re making it worse. I’ve felt this way before, too. Sure of something, sure of representation I so desperately craved. And I still think maybe I’m right. But it’s not my place to yell at celebrities and anybody else I know about coming out, because that’s a deeply personal decision.

Watching an 18 year old who is giving the world perhaps the best onscreen bisexual representation I’ve ever seen get harassed into coming out to get a mob of prying, insensitive fans off his back was something that fueled my anger today. And the people who caused the problem are standing by it, some even saying he’ll be “fully out” by next year. Fuck you. Fuck every biphobic bone in your body. Leave kit alone, leave young adults alone, leave adults alone, stop forcing people to fit into your boxes so you can judge them accordingly. QUEER PEOPLE OWE YOU NOTHING. At 18, I hadn’t come out to anyone except my closest friends, who were also queer. Not my parents, not my siblings, and now, years later, still not to many other family members, friends, or coworkers. We are constantly talking about not knowing what we’re doing through the early years of adulthood, and yet you’re demanding that 18 year old kids have it all figured out, and on top of it, be okay and comfortable enough with all of it to announce it to the world, despite living in a world that still sees us as a secondary group and tells us we’re going to hell. Or that we’re liars. Or both. That’s fucked. Leave people alone.

[melanielocke]

The Stars Collide - Chapter 19

It's been a week since I last updated so here's the next chapter. I only have one chapter left right now, but I'm going to get back to working on it soon.

Alastair entered the kitchen, seemingly upset. Thomas wasn’t sure if he should bring it up or if he should just let Alastair be for a moment. ECT was hard, and perhaps Alastair was still experiencing some side effects.

‘Is it almost finished?’ Alastair asked. ‘I’m really hungry.’

‘Almost, I promise,’ Thomas said. ‘You can help me with the butternut squash if you like.’

‘Okay, what do I do?’

‘You can take it out of the oven and peel it, and then cut it into pieces,’ Thomas said.

Alastair started to work on the roasted butternut squash. Whenever Thomas was feeling upset, he liked to make soup. There were so many varieties of soups, and Thomas was convinced they were the best kind of food. Warm and comforting and perfect for the season. Today he decided to make a butternut squash soup, which was a recipe his mother had taught him. It was a bit of work, but butternut squash was easier to prepare than other types of pumpkin.

‘I didn’t realize you’d spoken to Matthew about… about your suspicions,’ Alastair said.

‘I should have mentioned it,’ Thomas said. ‘It’s just, I didn’t know what to do. I thought talking about it with a friend could help.’

Alastair nodded. ‘It’s a difficult situation for you too.’

‘It is, but nothing compared to what you must be going through. You don’t have to spare my feelings here or take care of me,’ Thomas said. ‘Cordelia suspects too, by the way. The way you covered up her bruise…’

Alastair sighed. He truly sounded weary. ‘There are lots of tutorials for how to cover up bruises. But it did take me a lot of practice until I could conceal bruises so well. I know why she suspects. I just don’t want to talk to her about it.’

‘Should I tell her that?’ Thomas offered.

‘I don’t know. Maybe,’ Alastair said. ‘I’d much rather she didn’t know it happened at all but perhaps it’s too late for that already.’

‘You don’t have to be ashamed of what he did to you,’ Thomas said.

‘That’s what you keep telling me. Matthew too now, which I never saw coming. But your words can’t really change how I feel, can they? Besides, you all are treating me differently for it. And I know if this ever were to come out, other people would too. Everyone would have an opinion. They’ll claim I was lying, or that I deserved it. They used to write about how unlikeable I am in the papers. Or they’ll turn me into someone poor and helpless, someone who should be pitied.’

Thomas was silent for a few moments, focusing on the soup instead. It was a difficult balance to find. He wanted to help Alastair, he wanted to support him and make him feel better, but he knew Alastair didn’t want to be viewed as a victim.

‘I don’t mean to treat you differently. I just want to help,’ Thomas said. ‘I like taking care of people, and maybe I do it too much.’

‘I think the butternut squash is finished, unless you want the pieces to be smaller,’ Alastair said.

‘No, that’s fine, I’m going to blend it into the soup,’ Thomas said.

Thomas added the pieces to the soup and used an immersion blender to puree it into a soup.

‘Is it finished?’ Alastair asked. ‘I haven’t eaten anything all day.’

Alastair wasn’t allowed to eat or drink before the ECT that day because he had to go under narcosis. Thomas hoped he wouldn’t have to do ECT for long because he wouldn’t gain much weight if he had to keep his stomach empty twice a week.

‘It’s done,’ Thomas said. ‘I hope you like it.’

Alastair ate two bowls of the soup along with some toasted bread. Thomas was glad. He liked that Alastair was eating more, but he also really liked that it was his food that Alastair loved so much, he liked being able to provide for him.

Alastair retreated to the guest bedroom not long after dinner, he was exhausted after today, and Thomas stayed in the living room with Matthew.

‘Any news about the break in?’ Matthew asked.

‘They didn’t find anybody, but they’re still searching our rooms for traces,’ Thomas said. ‘We can probably go back there tomorrow. Though I’m considering taking Alastair to Lightwood instead. If we don’t tell too many people where we’re going, those after him might not find us there.’

‘Maybe. But they do know that’s where your family is from, it would be the obvious choice. But if you have sufficient guards that you trust there, it might still be safer. Mom thinks there might be a traitor among our guards.’

‘It would be really impractical to go right now though,’ Thomas said. ‘Alastair just had an intake for mental healthcare today, and he’s doing ECT for his magic issues.’

‘My therapist usually could do online appointments too,’ Matthew said. ‘Since I have to travel the planet sometimes whether I want to or not. It’s not really a good idea to do for the long term, but he still has to get a diagnosis and treatment plan and everything, you could do that appointment online and then see how to proceed.’

Thomas would discuss it with Alastair tomorrow when he was feeling better. The ECT had an effect on him, he appeared drowsier and tired and Thomas hoped he could sleep it off.

‘Maybe that would work,’ Thomas said.

‘How is your marriage working out for you? Is he any good in bed?’ Matthew asked.

Thomas was taken aback by Matthew’s direct questioning. ‘I wouldn’t know. We’re not sleeping together.’

Matthew tilted his head. ‘Really? So, how exactly does that work? You sleep in the same bed, right?’

‘Yes. We both keep to our own sides,’ Thomas said. ‘And only because I don’t have a guest bedroom. Alastair doesn’t want to sleep with me. But if he ever found out I wanted to…’

‘What makes you think that?’ Matthew asked. ‘From the way he’s looking at you, he seems rather eager.’

Thomas’ face turned a bright red. ‘He doesn’t, okay? He just got out of his marriage with Charles, he needs time to heal.’

‘Has he said that?’

‘He wouldn’t,’ Thomas said. ‘That’s exactly the problem. He wouldn’t tell me the truth about what he wants, he is still used to catering to Charles’ needs and neglecting his own.’

Matthew sighed. ‘Thomas, those are a lot of assumptions. I’m not getting any of that when I look at him.’

‘No offense, but you’ve never been particularly good at knowing how other people feel.’

‘I’m not but at least I know not to make that many assumptions,’ Matthew said. ‘You’re not a mind reader. You don’t know what Alastair needs better than he does. It’s completely normal for both of you to want to have sex. You’re not hurting him by being attracted to him. Sure, sex can be an unhealthy coping mechanism, speaking from experience here, but it’s also a healthy part of relationships.’

Thomas had to admit Matthew had a point. Perhaps he was making too many assumptions. Perhaps he was trying too hard to keep Alastair safe and neglected his own desires, not to mention that he hadn’t asked Alastair what he really wanted. While he knew he had to discuss his feelings, he wasn’t sure how, and Thomas knew himself well enough to know he was going to postpone this. Indefinitely.

‘I genuinely don’t think he likes me that way,’ Thomas said.

Matthew shrugged. ‘You won’t know until you ask him.’

Thomas went to bed early too, and he found Alastair awake when he got into his side of the bed.

‘I’m sorry, did I wake you?’

‘No, I was already awake,’ Alastair said.

‘Nightmare?’

‘I don’t think so. I don’t remember if I dreamed. I just wake every few hours,’ Alastair said. ‘I’ll fall back asleep eventually.’

‘Oh, okay,’ Thomas said. ‘How’s your memory?’

‘Still not back, but I haven’t slept that long yet,’ Alastair said. ‘Good night.’

‘Good night.’

Thomas woke up that morning to find Alastair already up and dressed in Matthew’s living room, seemingly lost in thought.

‘Good morning,’ Thomas said.

Alastair startled. ‘Oh. Good morning.’

‘Were you in a memory?’

‘Yes, it’s working again, and I think even better than before, though that might just be my bias. No luck with retrieving my lost memories yet, but I did have a dream last night. It was about the experiments, again, but since I can’t find it in my memory I can’t be sure if it’s real or not.’

‘Anything in particular?’

‘There was a woman,’ Alastair said. ‘Everyone seemed to think she was very important. She was around my mother’s age I think. But I can’t remember her face, which is very frustrating.’

‘Right, you don’t remember dreams.’

‘Wish I did,’ Alastair said. ‘Then maybe I could find out if anyone recognized that woman. Though she might not even be from the Seven Planets at all…’

Thomas frowned. ‘You think anyone outside the Seven Planets might be involved with this?’

‘I don’t know.’ Alastair sighed. ‘If that were the case, these experiments would be far worse than I could have imagined.’

‘Listen, I’ve been thinking. After what happened, I thought you might be safer in Lightwood,’ Thomas said. ‘We have guards my father trusts, very limited staff. And the area is beautiful. I know it’s a little impractical with your ECT and therapy, but I’m sure we can figure something out.’

‘Lightwood must have hospitals with ECT too,’ Alastair said.

‘There is a hospital not far from my father’s estate,’ Thomas said. ‘And Matthew thinks it might be possible to have online appointments with your therapist sometime. I don’t know for how long we’ll be in Lightwood, but maybe they can refer you to someone in the area too.’

‘Okay. That sounds good. When are we leaving?’

‘As soon as we can,’ Thomas said. ‘Maybe you can ask Cordelia to fly us there? Lucie will understand, it’s for your safety.’

‘I’ll ask her,’ Alastair said.

Thomas called the number security had given him to see if there were any updates on the break in. They would finish their investigation of the rooms later that day, but so far there had been no conclusive evidence, and no one had found the man at sea. In conclusion, they didn’t know anything yet and Thomas was even more determined to leave for Lightwood.

He called his father. There was a time zone difference between the castle and Lightwood of four hours, but it was later in Lightwood and his father would be awake at this point.

‘Thomas, it’s good to hear from you,’ his father said. ‘How have you been? Are you happy with your husband?’

‘I am not sure how to answer that,’ Thomas said. ‘There’s a lot going on, and we think someone might be after Alastair. I thought it might be safer to stay in Lightwood for a while, it might be safer than the palace.’

‘Oh. Yes, of course you and Alastair are welcome. When are you coming? Is there anything you need? I’ll inform the guard that you need extra protection.’

‘Just to have my rooms prepared,’ Thomas said. ‘We’ll probably leave later today, once we’d have the time to pack. I’ll let you know.’

‘Do you have a flight?’

‘Alastair’s asking Cordelia to take us, that’ll be safer,’ Thomas said. ‘She’s his sister, and she’s a pilot. She works for Lucie now. Might be that we don’t arrive until somewhere in the night though.’

‘You have the key, right? Let me know once you leave how late you’ll expect to be there.’

Thomas hang up the phone after saying goodbye and then went to find Alastair, who’d gone outside onto the roof. Matthew’s rooms were at the top floor of the palace. While Thomas had a balcony, Matthew had something like a garden that was on the roof.

‘Much has changed here,’ Alastair said.

‘It’s a mess,’ Thomas agreed.

‘I think that’s going to be a pool,’ Alastair said. ‘Though I’m not sure why you’d want a pool on the roof when the beach is right outside.’

‘To be fair, from here outside is pretty far,’ Thomas said.

‘We’re very high up,’ Alastair said. ‘I try to stay away from the edge. It makes me dizzy, and scared I’m going to jump. I don’t want to jump.’

‘And you’re not going to,’ Thomas said. ‘I’ve been told it’s normal to be scared of jumping when you’re at such a great height, even if you’ve never considered ending your life.’

‘Oh. I didn’t know that,’ Alastair said. ‘Matthew kept the hot tub. I never really saw the point of that since the bathroom has a whirlpool bath. I preferred the bath inside anyway.’

‘Matthew has always loved luxury,’ Thomas said.

Compared to this, Thomas’ quarters felt like a small apartment, but then he’d never had the same desire for luxury Matthew did. Sure, he liked a nice bath and a jacuzzi might be nice to use every once in a while, but buying one to place in his own quarters just didn’t seem worth the money. Even for royalty, there were limits to how much money one could just spend on luxury, and Matthew had never been good at staying on the safe side. He was lucky his fashion business was such a big success.

‘I can tell,’ Alastair said. ‘Charles liked luxury too, but in a less over the top way. His interior was all greys. I prefer your rooms. They’re far more cozy and charming. When we get back… would it be alright if I made some changes here and there? I like it, but it still feels all yours.’

‘Of course. What did you have in mind?’

‘A Turanian rug, for starters,’ Alastair said. ‘I think that’d fit with your color scheme quite well, and for me it’d feel more like home. And when I lived with my parents on Turan, I had a collection of decorative daggers.’

‘I’d like that,’ Thomas said. ‘And if there’s anything else, just tell me. I want you to feel at home. Did you speak to Cordelia?’

‘Lucie had been meaning to go on a trip to Lightwood sometime, since there are some charm ingredients she wouldn’t be able to find anywhere else,’ Alastair said. ‘So Cordelia is flying us all, and they’re packing. With her military training, Cordelia would be able to protect us too, so she said she’d do that.’

‘My father said we’re welcome. And they’re finishing the investigation at twelve, so after that we can go back to our rooms to pack. Before then, would you like to go downstairs to get something to eat? Matthew probably isn’t waking anytime soon and I feel weird raiding his kitchen, but there’s a café at the ground floor.’

@alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @life-through-the-eyes-of @styxdrawings @justanormaldemon @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised @amchara @all-for-the-fanfiction @imsoftforthomastair @ddepressedbookworm @queenlilith43 @wagner-fell @cant-think-of-anything @laylax13s @tessherongraystairs @boredfangirl16 @artist-in-soul @broodyhawthorne @ikissedsmithparker

[serene-sun]

About the vent, I'm sorry if you didn't really want anyone to respond to it, you absolutely do not have to read this if you don't feel comfortable. Going on anon as well, hope that's alright.

It's always hard to deal with those feelings, like even when you know that people understand you still feel so alone with it all. You are so much more than what happened, it doesn't make you dirty, or impure, it isn't something that defines you.

It's hard to move on, especially when people ask about it, but you don't always owe an explanation for everything. And when you make the decision whether or not to not press charges, that is because it's the decision that feels safest for you. You are an amazing person to talk to, whether or not you have that trauma, and I would never second guess my opinion of you because of something you can't control. You seem like an amazing, and caring person and friend, and that is what matters. Your passion for the things you enjoy, the way that you express your love for everyone close to you, your creativity, THOSE are the things that make people love you, and they shouldn't be ignored because of your past. I'm happy to have met you, both as an author and as a friend, our talks are always enjoyable and I hate to see you so upset about something. I really hope that you feel a bit better, make sure to stay safe, and take care of yourself as best as you can. You're so deserving of love, and compassion, and all that you give to those around you, remember to give the same to yourself. :)

-🌙

TW: sexual assault

No it’s ok! I wouldn’t of posted it if I didn’t want any replies.

Thank you, I think just the emotions are forcing me to relive it all and all of the times it did happen. Idk if I will press charges, I really don’t want to hurt anyone. But it sucks bc what if he did it to more people? After me? I always end up defending him in some way, I think he’s a terrible person, but I’ll always feel like it’s my fault. But he doesn’t deserve to get away with it and hurting more people, but in the end he did know what he was doing.

I’m glad I mean something to someone on here, thanks for that. I try my best to be the better person, and make people happy. But sometimes I get to ahead of myself, and I usually forget to make myself happy. I don’t want to be negative Nancy on here, but I don’t where else I should talk at. It’s either irl or on here. And like I said before, I like being invisible and untouchable, I like disappearing hours on end to tumblr. Because nobody can hurt me on here so that makes me feel better, I don’t have anybody to press charges on here on tumblr. So I’m sorry for the negative stuff!