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#i don't know i'm tired tags are hard.
elvisabutler · 2 years
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gravity
summary: once upon a time there was elvis, priscilla and you. nowadays there is elvis. there is priscilla. and there is you. priscilla has always been good at talking you into things and you miss them both. he's missed the two of you. fandom: austin butler | elvis 2022 | elvis presley pairing: austin butler elvis x olivia dejonge priscilla x female reader rating: m word count: 3232 not even remotely talking about it. it happened alright? warnings: sex toys. threesomes. talk of linda thompson and ginger alden. older/later elvis described/implied. sugar baby/sugar mama and daddy dynamic. reader is called sugar exclusively. mild dom/sub. masturbation ( m ). p in v sex ( implied, referenced ). i think that might be everything, christ y'all i don't know it's almost 11PM. author's note: welcome to day 22 of kinktober, sex toys with austin elvis and olivia priscilla. consider this a spiritual successor to gunmetal and the two bondage threesomes i did for my 500 follower celebration. also this truly is supposed to be austin elvis and olivia priscilla but the problem with me picking this point is that i have way too much wiggle room to err this mildly on real elvis. i am so sorry anon i truly do owe you a redo on this. also mild suggestion, listen to gravity by sara bareilles while reading this for extra vibes.
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Priscilla could always talk you into things that Elvis couldn't. She had realized this long before he did, a fact that through the years you had found yourself incredibly thankful for on more than one occasion. Her requests were simple- perhaps a consequence of being on the receiving end of Elvis's off the wall requests- and it makes easy to tell her yes. Even after the three of you were not an- item- a threesome- you don't know the name for what the three of you were- you'd still jump if your former sugar mama asked. She knew never to ask you about Elvis because as much as she hurt from their divorce she still was able to be his friend, be with him in ways you couldn't. It was normal for his ex wife to visit him, to see him at a tour date or at the International.
They had Lisa, it made sense for them to be on good terms, to keep in far more contact that you and him to keep in contact. You were only someone to Elvis and Priscilla. The Memphis Mafia knew you, of course, no one was around Graceland or around the Elvis's rooms at the International without seeing him with "the best girls a man could ask for" on his arms. They knew you but much like an actual mafia, they weren't about to spill the beans and let everyone else know the secret. That secret that Elvis Presley, the boy who got everyone up in arms with his gyrations in the 50s and became a family man in the 60s had been carrying on with his wife and their girlfriend since the 60s only to break up with her the same time he divorced his wife. Priscilla gets a mink coat, Elvis gets a Rolls Royce and you get nothing but regret and a friendship with one of your exes.
Priscilla knows that the anniversary of when you were on the bus and she came across you is coming up, the time she considers when you all started this. She also knows that she's going to make her usual trip to visit Elvis around that time. She's worried about him, truly, this feels different than when they divorced. This feels different than the year after. This feels different than that moment when he took her offer of going to rest and didn't. Linda's gone and he's got Ginger now, but it's still- she's worried. It's that worry that prompts her to call you, call you so that she has company on this adventure.
"Sugar." She uses a name she hasn't used in over two years to talk to you, to ensnare you into this plan. "I know you haven't seen him since I left and you left but I think he could use the company. He-"
You cut her off. "Misses me? Prissy- He's moved on, I've moved on, you two can keep doing whatever it is you two do, that's- you're his ex-wife. I'm not."
Priscilla frowns on her end of the phone call and sighs. "You might as well have been, Sugar, I am not hanging up the phone until you agree to come. You were my- You were our sugar and look at the calendar."
There's a pause on your end as you glance at the calendar by your phone. You know this date like the back of your hand, you had a date with a bottle of wine for this date. When you finally speak your voice is barely above a whisper. "I'll come."
Elvis has put on weight, that's the unfortunate first conclusion you make when you see him in the doorway of the room. You could have sworn he had a tour date or two around this time and so you had been prepared to have this be a meeting at a hotel room. At a neutral ground that didn't have so many memories it threatened to choke you. Then again- maybe this was better. Priscilla had already told you that these meeting with Elvis always seemed to turn sexual, not that she ever meant for them to, but it just happened. You find that it doesn't fill you with dread like you thought it would. In fact, a part of you feels excited, you have a boyfriend but the way you felt between Elvis and Priscilla and their attention- that's a feeling you've yet to experience again.
Elvis doesn't notice you at first, focusing on Priscilla with a grin that lights up his face and arms open for a hug. "'Cilla. Thought you were gonna be too busy for me? Thought I was gonna have t' spend today by myself."
"Fire eyes, you know I wouldn't do that to you. I didn't do it to you last year, did I?" She slides into his waiting arms, allowing him to engulf her in a hug she craved so much in the last bit of their marriage but he willingly gave after their divorce.
"Ya didn't. Kept me company and let me-" He trails off, noticing you standing behind Priscilla finally looking better than he swears you did all those years ago when he found you on a movie set. "Sugar."
You bite your lip to keep yourself from tearing up, your eyes drifting up and down his form. He's still the same man you fell in love with as a naive 19 year old, just older, more worn by time just like you were and like Priscilla was. You understand why Priscilla is worried, you've kept up with the tabloids and somehow seeing it in person- puts it in perspective. Maybe it's just that he's becoming more comfortable with himself, maybe he's embracing his age, but you see how he winces a little when moving toward you, and hear a noise coming from his knee. Life is catching up to him too fast.
His arms envelop you in a hug that reminds you of every hug you've ever gotten from him. It's overwhelming how he invades your senses and you're reminded just how much he overpowers you even when you're not like Priscilla. Your body sags against his as you wrap your arms around him and you swear you feel a tension in him disintegrate as you hold him close. "You ain't a dream, are ya? 'Cilla doesn't let me take sleepin' meds when she's here, and my dreams- they get a little funny, Sugar."
You shake your head against his chest, refusing to pull away as he holds you tighter at the answer. "Good. I- That's good, come- no wonder she told me to bring all this stuff in here. Thought she was up ta somethin'."
That finally has you pulling away and raising an eyebrow. "What did she have you bring into the room, Elvis?" Your eyes shift to Priscilla. "What do you have planned?"
Elvis pulls both of you into the room, shutting the door behind him and gestures to the bed where you see a Hitachi Magic Wand, well two of them and a few dildos. Your eyes then dart to the video recorder and you groan. "Priscilla Ann Beaulieu, you got me here under false pretenses, I'm not-"
"Sugar." Elvis's voice rumbles behind you and you have to stop your knees from buckling underneath you. Elvis's arm wraps around your torso as you sway just a little, holding you steady. "Don't talk back to 'Cilla."
He feels warm, like a furnace that threatens to burn everyone around him. It's been so long since you've had him, had Priscilla like this that you allow yourself a moment to inhale the scent of him. The trace of a cigar, the sweet hint of Pepsi and the unique smell of his sweat. It's then that you lean back a little, allowing Elvis to just hold you against him as Priscilla moves in front of you and cups your breasts.
"She was right, E. I didn't warn her you might want to video tape this." Priscilla murmurs, placing a kiss against your neck, as you loll it back against Elvis's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Sugar, I didn't- I wanted you to come. I wanted him to see both of us again." She looks up at him and sees him just breathing slowly against you, his chest rising and falling in his robe. She's reminded of how much she loved- and still probably loves this man. His grip loosens on you under Priscilla's gaze.
"I wanted t' see ya." He admits, his breath ghosting against your ear as he leans his head down just a bit. "Ya know how she gets, all determined when she thinks it'll do everyone some good."
The meaning of his words isn't lost on you, it's him acknowledging that Priscilla- Priscilla with her maybe healthy relationship outside of this got out the best. He's a close second with two other relationships under his belt but you- you got the short end of the stick by running off. Priscilla and him maybe shouldn't be as close as they still are as exes- Lisa or not- but it does them some good. Priscilla seems a little happier and relaxed when she calls you after a visit and you know some of Elvis's best shows lately have happened after Priscilla saw him.
"She missed us." The three of you. "Not just you."
"She's ain't the only one." His hand moves down to your pants, cupping your mound just slightly. "You miss me?"
A hum is the only answer you trust yourself to give him, the only answer that feels right in the moment as you start to feel overwhelmed just being sandwiched in between your favorite people on the planet- your former lovers- your former everything. You register the three of you moving to the bed, Priscilla first letting herself plop down and pulling you down to sit next to her before you find both of you looking up at Elvis. It's reminiscent of so many other times you both were like this that you can't help the way your body involuntarily shudders at the memory.
"I ain't-" Elvis pauses, moving to cup your cheek with one hand. "I ain't fucking ya tonight. Goddamn if I don't wanna, but 've had a rough week. 'Cilla knows I can't-" He looks away, looking like he's younger than his years for a moment. "It's not- I can't do it every night. And 'm sorry you caught me on a bad night."
His apology forces you out of your minor stupor before you shake your head asking the question that's been on your mind since you saw everything on the bed. "Then what are you doing, Elvis?"
Priscilla answers before he does, grabbing one of the wands and turning it on, allowing you to feel the vibrations through your shirt as she runs it across your chest. "It's what I'm doing. What we're doing. The toys are for us to play with while he watches."
You notice that Elvis has moved to behind the camera and untied his robe, allowing you to see just how his body has changed. It's like your eyes are drawn to him just like they've always been, cataloging every stretch mark, every bit of skin that wasn't there before- or didn't look like that before the divorce and everything in between. His chest hair is the last thing you dwell on and it's then that he clears his throat. "I know I'm not the same-"
You cut him off, knowing where this is headed and you can feel Priscilla frowning. "There isn't anyone in this room who is, Da- Elvis." Daddy almost slipped off your tongue and you have to pause to collect yourself. "'Cilla has her marks, I've got some and maybe I'll get some others to match hers soon enough."
Elvis's eyes narrow at the implication before he purses his lips. "You'll let me see them?"
A no is on the tip of your tongue but he looks like- you want to give him a chance here, you want to make him happy. So you lie. "Of course."
His lips quirk into a smile as he moves to turn on the camera only to stop short. "Can I tape this, Sugar? You don't have t' say yes but I miss you both somethin' fierce and Ginger- she- she knows how I am."
You should tell him no, you should tell him that it makes you uncomfortable to know he'll have something like that of you and Priscilla but you don't. You remember that Elvis made sure to file the divorce papers to protect a woman he should hate, a woman who left him. You remember how many times he had to talk to a newspaper to keep you and him and Priscilla out of the gossip pages. You remember all these things and wonder why you should worry. "Yeah. It'll be like those photos, remember?"
His answering groan and the way you swear you see his cock swell makes you grin before you feel Priscilla's hands moving toward your shirt to unbutton it.
It takes time for you and Priscilla to undress, Elvis needing only to pull open his robe as he sank into the chair facing you two. His eyes watch you both, watch how your hands move to pull down bra straps and unbutton pants. You're wearing stockings under those pants and both he and Priscilla groan as she kisses your leg, pulling them down ever so slowly. When you're both finally undressed you toy with the wand in your hand, debating where you'd like to start with Priscilla as she focuses the vibrating effect on your chest. You feel your arousal flood you, cursing the fact that Priscilla knows you enjoy your nipples played with as you finally decide that her clit is the object of your desire, it's the thing you'll bring her down with. You're not prepared for the amount of wetness that greets you, causing the vibrations to be mildly muffled as you hear it. She keens just slightly, grinding on the toy just a little as you hear the telltale sign of Elvis's hand pumping his cock. You wonder if he has lube.
"You like this, don't you? Like seeing me and Cilla like this?" You ask as Priscila slides the toy down to your clit, earning a yelp from you and a hiss of her name. "'Cilla."
"Of course he likes it, Sugar. Don't you see him playing with his cock? See his thumb brushing the head. I know he wishes he could fuck you." She murmurs, before kissing you, pulling your lip in between her teeth and watching Elvis growl watching you both.
"Don't need to tease like that. Should have he fuck you with that dildo, Cilla. Not as big as me but t'll do fine, won't it?" His words have your cunt clenching as it faces him and the camera. "Or maybe you need to fuck our Sugar. Always such a hungry woman. Needed both of us t' satisfy her, didn't ya?"
If your eyes shut at that, shut at the memories that come flooding back of how well the two of them used you, no one comments on it instead choosing to watch as you grind yourself on the toy Priscilla has teasing your clit chasing some relief. "Please, please, let me come, please."
You shouldn't be pleading already, you think you've lasted longer before but maybe you're out of practice, maybe the fact that you haven't been with them for so long has you begging for a release you've needed for over two years. Maybe three, you've lost count at this point, not wanting to dwell on it. You hear Elvis's laugh as it vibrates in your skull.
"Ya've missed this, haven't ya? We've missed you-" He starts, his hand pumping faster and faster, wanting to show you how you've made him come faster than he has in a while. "Both my best girls. My favorite girls. Still my sugar. Still my girl."
Priscilla doesn't react to the praise as much as you do, knowing it's directed more toward you and she can't help but tease your entrance with a dildo while she whispers in your ear. "Our sugar. Come like you would for old times sake. Please? For me? Be my good girl? Be the girl who wrangled Elvis with me? Be my girl who we still both love so much?"
You come with a shout as Priscilla presses in the dildo, your orgasm dripping onto the sheets despite the object that could try and hold it back. You watch Elvis groan his own release onto the carpet and into his hands as your cunt continues to flutter around the toy. You want to clean it up like old times sake before you release Priscilla still needs to come, you had dropped her toy in the haze of your own orgasm and the only thing you find is one of the dildos you two hadn't touched. You take a moment to make sure he's looking at you before you allow yourself to use it to enter her, making sure the camera's view isn't obstructed. "Next time you want this just ask me, I'll give it to you, you're still my Sugar Mama, Cilla."
She whimpers at you, pulling you down for a kiss as you hear Elvis's pleased noises coming from the chair. You think it's a growl but you can't quite tell. All you know is that you've missed hearing it, missed feeling like you're going to explode from the love the two of them have for you and for each other. You don't know when Elvis got up from the chair but you feel his fingers as they pull out the toy only to replace them with his fingers. "Come on, Cilla, give Sugar what she wants from you. I'll let you taste her on my fingers afterward."
That does it for her as she arches just a bit off the bed, clenching around the dildo and grabbing for your hand, for your anything she can to steady herself. She finds both his hand and yours grabbing at them both before she opens her eyes and stares at you both, breathing heavily as she does. Elvis removes his fingers from you and puts them in Priscilla's mouth, as her hand just moves to stroke his stomach, something you find he doesn't seem to mind. It looks like it relaxes him. When his fingers leave her mouth with a pop, she smiles at you. "Taste as good as I remember, Sugar."
Later on that night, after Elvis had filled the tape full of the pair of you, you find yourself cuddled against him with Priscilla on the other side, tracing shapes on his torso as he cupped your own stomach. You're tired, all three of you are tired and it shows in how Elvis's words are slurred when he speaks against your hair, thinking you're asleep.
"You're still m' sugar. Just like 'Cilla is still m' girl. Wanted you to be m' sugar until ya got sick of me." He grip tightens on you. "Don't leave me just yet. Wait until the mornin'. Wait until we're all up. Don't make me wake up all alone."
You don't.
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americankimchi · 3 months
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wish i knew what to do with this helpless frustration i feel every time i see people vilify the jedi for their way of life when the person doing the vilification doesn't even understand them properly. it's one thing to criticize and dislike them if you have an accurate picture of who they were and what they're trying to do vs. hating them because you straight up don't understand them at all 😭
#personal#this isn't vagueposting i'm just tired of seeing it every time i go in the tags or on youtube or on ao3#literally if you boil the jedi down to the essentials it's just#''these are psychic empath space wizards wandering around the galaxy trying to establish a higher quality of life for everyone''#a bunch of aragorns except anduril is a beaming blade of plasma#or gandalf with the ability to do backflips#the only hard rule they have is ''thou shalt not add misery to the world where you can remove it''#everything else is just interpretations on that theme#''they're cold and unfeeling and they HATED ANAKIN and BAN LOVE''#like WHERE in the WORLD are you getting this information#WHEREEEEE#SHOW ME YOUR SOURCESSSS#and don't say ''they ban attachments'' without understanding what that MEANS#ATTACHMENTS =/= LOVE#ATTACHMENTS ARE CHAINS THAT YOU USE TO DRAG OTHERS DOWN WITH YOU#YOU KNOW THE SAYING IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING YOU WILL LET IT GO? THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL IT IS.#and where are u getting that they hated anakin do you think he'd be so torn up about betraying them all in ep 3#if he was surrounded by people who hated him for over a decade like mans was IN TEARS#HE LOVED AND WAS LOVED BY THEM IN TURN#IT JUST WASN'T ENOUGH TO SAVE THEM IN THE END BECAUSE#CRUCIALLY#HIS ATTACHMENT TO PADME DRAGGED HER AND THEM AND EVERYONE ELSE DOWN WITH HIM#stop stripping anakin of his agency he made a CHOICE#star wars is ALL ABOUT CHOICE. THE CHOICE TO FALL IN EP 3. AND THE CHOICE TO RISE AGAIN IN EP 6.#like cmon fellas..... fellas cmon........
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tarnussy · 8 days
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not gonna lie, the fact that people keep stealing my posts and reupload them unsourced getting about 100x more interactions while my OG posts get like 3 makes me not want to create anything for this fandom ever again
none of them @ me either, sad
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meteorherd · 6 months
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mentioning the word thesis made me think about my own social psychology thesis ANYWAYS i'm like actually settled on a thesis now i'm investigating how intergenerational conflict and cultural assimilation affect asian american relationships with mental health care. if you wanna get really technical and stuff, i'm using present and future orientation of consequences as a cultural moderating factor but i am too tired to explain all of that right now it's just gonna be really cool trust me ok????
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dadrielle · 2 years
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Commission I did for NelmarieLG of Xena and Gabrielle at the night banquet following their Amazonian wedding!
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sleepyseals · 2 years
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[Image Description: A digital painting depicting Feldspar standing to the right of a campfire, facing away from the viewer and upwards. They are holding an arm outstretched above them and the other gesticulates as if they were telling a story. Several fireflies surround them and their shadow falls to their right. Wreathed in the smoke of the campfire is a scene of their campsite in Dark Bramble. Three large twisting brambles, the anglerfish fossil’s teeth, and three pine trees are suspended upside down, stretching downwards toward Feldspar and the campfire. A plume of stylized curling smoke stretches across the top of the scene from Feldspar’s ship in the top right corner. The ship is sparking with electrical failure. End Image Description.]
my piece for the @travelers-encore-zine !!!  I think this came out a bit more conceptual than I wanted but I still like it!
Thank you to the mods for making this happen, putting everything together and being an amazing support team!!! Thank you to my fellow contributors for being so lovely and making such amazing things and sharing this project with me, I'm really happy I got to be a part of it!!
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ying-doodles · 23 days
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my brain is running a million miles a minute rn
help
#ying rambles#let me try to just spew out my ideas in here so i'm not making so many individual posts#uh let's see#i wanna make an underwater version of void ying (my main sona rn)#where instead of having stars all over there's little fish? and they're wearing a clear raincoat and boots#i wanna draw myself in little outfits again (like those old wardrobe memes that are like pjs casual formal etc)#i need to actually sit down and draw new pfps for main and spam cause i'm tired of my current ones#it seems like the reverse absolutes are winning the poll so i have to come up with an archangel javier design (not that hard actually)#but i want to try to draw his rainbow wings in that piece?? maybe??#and then there's the turnaround i just talked about that i have to figure out#cause that's like what. 4 frames if we keep it simple (front left back right). or 8 if we do quarter turns (so many angles..)??#and then there's the drifting closer comic that's in second place in the poll#i have a vague idea of what i want it to look like but i need to sit down and sketch it to actually figure it out#and then at some point i need to figure out what the fck i'm drawing for the tged zine#cause i don't actually know what i'm gonna do yet (but i have until june to think on it i guess)#and. and...#... i think that's everything?#no there's still a lot of other stuff i wanna do but these tags are so long by now..#if you read them all uh good on you i guess?#i gotta go to bed i need to cease thinking-
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greenscreen-dress · 7 months
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I wish all Precure seasons that attempt to force a reciprocated romance between young teen magical girls and animal-fairy mascots that turn into Ambiguously Adult Hot Guys™ a very Stop That Immediately Dear Gourd Why. 🫠
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frostbitedoesart · 3 months
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Not the like to reblog ratio being so frustrating that I'm considering doing free YCHs in exchange for reblogs.....
(If you share this post please include the tags in some way. They're important. May or may not delete this later.)
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despertara · 4 months
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Irene bro if you see this I want you to know I've been podcasting (talking loudly and emphatically to myself) abt that Grammy Gun post for Hours. I started ranting in the rb tags and then I got so mad I started a spreadsheet on my phone Yes I have the Excel app. No I did not finish my tags
#Pacing around my house ''IN LIEU OF A PERSONALITY TAYLOR HAS A MARKETING STRATEGY AND THAT'S WHY WHITE AMERICANS LOVE HER''#''BC SHE'S A WHITE GIRL NEPOBABY & THEREBY PERFECTLY EMBODIES WESTERN IDEALS: MARTYR COMPLEX + ARYAN PROFIT + QTY>QUALITY + CENTRIST + MID'#''AND IT'S PROBABLY TOO GENEROUS TO CALL HER A CENTRIST WHEN SHE'S NEVER REBUKED THE PPL WHO CLAIM HER AS THEIR ARYAN PRINCESS''#''THE VENN DIAGRAM OF PPL WHO ARE SICK OF HEARING ABT PALESTINE AND PPL WHO CAPE FOR TAYLOR IS ALMOST CERTAINLY A SINGLE PERFECT CIRCLE''#''IN WHAT WORLD IS SHE A TORTURED POET HER WRITING IS ON PAR WITH RUPI KAUR AND— WHO'S EMAILING ME FUCK OFF''#In the shower ''AND ANOTHER THING''#She's the physical manifestation of privileged ppl's desire to be oppressed bc they can't stand when the convo isn't abt them lmfaooooo#''it's hard for skinny white conventionally attractive cishet ppl whose fathers were bankers too!!! Don't erase my truth!!! 😭''#''Taylor is the number one most streamed/whatever artist in the world''#Popularity or notoriety? Bc the US is also well-known for Trump + Texas + public shootings + genocide + wasting money on football stadiums#But again! She's the Western/American Ideal Made Flesh! It's Punk To Have Money And Connections!#And Being White Is The Punkest Of ALL!#Oh my Christ I say this all the time but if university classes have to be offered on her they should be in Marketing and Ethics#She should be a business school case study and that is NOOOT a. Compliment#She couldn't even stick with country bc how truly country of an experience could she have had when her daddy was rich like#She doesn't have the range like idc if you like her just don't act like she's revolutionary when all her movements are calculated + LATERAL#It's not art it's business acumen please she is rewarded by the Grammies bc they respect her for upholding Capitalism I'm so tired#Remember when they gave AOTY to HARRY last year when Beyoncé and Benitito were RIGHT THERE#It's propaganda just like the news plzzzzzzzzzzzz you are all lemmings and she know it which is why she is so good at CONNING YOU#ME N BRO TAG#These are not the comments I wrote on that post you tagged me in btw I got out of the shower to write these FRESH#You know Kacey Musgraves is coming out w a new record too and even tho she got cut out of the CMAs last time she's still proudly country...#I am never drying my hair at this rate#Too busy explaining to you - in complete detail -..........
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glimpseofsanity · 6 months
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Hello everyone ✨
Well it's me again. Things haven't been improving and many more things are going on right now and I'm barely hanging on. Today I'm finding myself in the need to ask anyone that can help me with anything you can spare to get some groceries.
I really hope everyone that gets to read this will have great and beautiful holidays. I wish you all the best and for the next year to be a very good one for all of us.
Thank you for reading. ✨
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barkingangelbaby · 4 months
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I feel like such a broken fucking person lol
I talked way too much in the tags don't read them
#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust#i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short#i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways#i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and#i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc#we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus#t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do#n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on#being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it#I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her#like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky#i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up#i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on#like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything#idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions#today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others#i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day#rAMbles
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medicinemane · 1 month
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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mistfallengw2 · 2 months
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Brain "Yes, Adamas as an AU Commander/Champion of Aurene is really good... but what if, Tocchix in that role?" Me "But there are more AUs around him than anyone else!" Brain "Okay, but think of the new levels of angst!" Me "... Yes, honey 😞"
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loubatas · 1 year
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I'm always floored at how so many Americans are casually xenophobic in such a decomplexed way. And I know I can't stop people from being arseholes, but you fuckers definitely need to learn some manners on the World Fucking Wide Web, because you will meet people from other countries here
I should be able to share a post about the political riots currently happening in France without having a bunch of dickheads reblogging it and adding in the tags all the different ways possible to say how much they usually hate French people but this one is a rare W, or how our ability to riot is the only good thing about us
They don't even hate on the state or the government, which, honestly, would be a bit weird from foreigners but also well deserved. That's why we're rioting
No, they just hate on the people for, as far as I can see, no discernible reason other than it's apparently a meme to hate on us
And that's just normal for so many of you. So normal you don't even think twice about adding these kind of tags or comments when you reblog from a French guy. So normal you don't even think how we could feel when we see some of our followers, even mutuals, casually say they hate or have no respect for "the French", forgetting that hey, hello, we are one of "the French"
And you act the same, and even nastier, with many other nationalities. Have you seen how you treat Russians and Chinese people ? Do you really think that verbally punching on people living under a totalitarian system is the same as criticizing that system ? Do you really think you don't have any Russian or Chinese followers or mutuals or you don't follow anyone from these countries who may see you shitting on them ?
TL;DR: if you're going to be a xenophobic arsehole in the tags, at least have the decency not to reblog from a person of the nationality you're shitting on
And actually, even better, if you're going to be a xenophobic arsehole, please consider: don't
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