#i don't understand why there's sm things in life i can't accept even though i know better

[tojiwrd]

6: fate is fickle ; gojo satoru

pairing gojo satoru x fem!reader

summary when satoru breaks off your engagement, you understand and accept it. but when he marries someone else, you don't understand because he didn't want to be tied down.

content warnings mentions toxic family, mentions of forced marriage, emotional infidelity, lots of crying, drama drama drama, confrontation, lots of reminiscing. also not proofread so im sorry for any mistakes !!

word count 4k

a/n sorry for late update lomls my gojo fate is fickle ver. came back into my life after three years of silence so this is chapter is coming straight from my bones guysssss . also i am so so so grateful for the support on this fic, genuinely makes me so happy i love u guys sm thank you SO much !! <3 also credit to the person of the art!! i can't find their name so if anyone knows then lmk <3

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Gojo Satoru didn’t get on one knee and ask to marry you. He did it when the two of you were in the apartment he bought just a few months prior, laying on the bed as the small opening of the curtains let a thin stream of silver streams in. It wasn’t that he wasn’t prepared because when he slipped the question while the two of you were facing one another, a hint of sleep heavy on the eyes on his moon-kissed face, he backed it up with the ring he’d carefully tucked away in his sweatpants. You swore your cheeks were hinting a fresh glow for the next week.

Maybe it was dumb to think you and Satoru, only twenty-five, would’ve worked out when he proposed on a random Sunday in bed. It did seem dumb, though, while you sat across Hana who was relaying her own proposal story. You’d tuned it out, not wanting to hear her drone on about how it was the most perfect, breathtaking moment when he got on one knee at a rooftop restaurant. You didn’t want to be there, partially because you truly felt as though Hana was painting Satoru out into someone he wasn’t, and partially because you were human and humans tend to get jealous sometimes. 

It was meant to be a simple brunch with ten people, friends of friends of friends. You had Reina right next to you, Reina, whose eyes were continuously twitching as Hana would relearn a new moment from that picture-perfect night and feel the need to share it with everyone on the table. You could also see some of your own friends who were aware of yours and Satoru’s relationship look at her, then you, with furrowed brows. Hers mostly out of confusion, and at you to ask why the fuck are you quiet?

“Ugh!” One of the girls, Jia, exclaimed as Hana finally seemed to get to the end of her engagement story. “I wish I had someone like Gojo Satoru; all these men are so unromantic and act like genuine children.”

Truthfully, if Satoru wasn’t your ex-fiancee, you would be on the same boat as the girls who were unaware of your past relationship. Hana’s story, from the pieces you forced yourself to hear, was dreamlike. A small part of you wanted to tell her that her romantic and unchildlike husband had proposed to her, too, right after he’d done some other things that would end that conversation immediately. But you didn’t because it wasn’t Hana’s fault, even though your mind kept putting some blame on her, that Satoru broke it off with you.

“I hope all of you find somebody like Satoru. He truly is the best,” Hana replied dreamily. 

You clenched your fists. Reina slammed hers on the table. 

“You’re so delusional, Hana, it’s concerning.” You wanted to raise your arms and pull Reina down and ask her to shut up. To not cause a scene. But Hana looked at Reina, a confused, concerningly kind expression covering her features and you realized there lived a monster in you that wanted to see Gojo Hana crumble. “Don’t look at me all coy, high, and mighty. You don’t know shit about your husband. Why don’t you skip over these semantics and really tell them the only reason the two of you got married was because your parents forced you to?”

You delighted in the flash of anger that slid across Hana’s face as she pursed her lips, trying to find the right words. You leaned back and stared, an uncharacteristically numb look covering your features. This, a part of you realized, might be detracking you from your healing process but it was fun.

Hana looked around the table and noticed how all eyes were fixed on her figure. If there was one thing you’d learned from girls' brunches, it was that everybody loved when it blew over and left one or many people scathed. She sputtered over her words, the tangle coming out completely incomprehensible and you almost felt bad. Almost felt bad because it wasn’t expected of her to admit to a whole group of socialites that the marriage to the Gojo heir wasn’t out of love, but out of an arrangement that went in their favor. If you were in her place, you, too, would’ve waxed poetic about your marriage because if the truth would bring the palpable exciting energy down, you would feel bad.

“Perhaps it was suggested by our parents,” she started, glaring at Reina with faux sweetness. “But it was only because our parents saw how in love we seemed with each other.”

You tried to hold yourself back but it was just so simple for you to scoff at her words. When Reina looked at you, a sheen of anger coating her eyes, you pushed yourself to talk. “It’s not love if he cheated on someone with you.”

You had thought about this moment before; you’d wondered if, were you to ever meet Hana again, you would drop the ticking time bomb in her presence that might either blow up her entire marriage or just cause a small blip in the working systems of it. But saying it now, after hearing her say all Satoru had said about you was that your fathers worked together, felt completely underwhelming. Though the shoe was dropped and it was clear everybody managed to get a small tatters of it to whisper about with other people, it felt wrong. Wrong because the way Hana looked at you, eyes brimmed with tears and brows coming together in sadness, you had most likely broken a piece of her.

She gulped then cleared her throat. “Can—Can we talk outside? Alone?” she asked and, without sparing a glance at anybody on the table except for you and Reina, she walked to the sliding doors of the restaurant and into the glaring sun above. 

Reina placed her hand on your forearm and said, “Come on, let’s go.” It was surprising to see a miniscule hint of guilt on her features, and you realized you had to have the conversation. 

Hana had most likely heard the clicking of yours and Reina’s heels because she didn’t turn back to face the two of you. “I know you and Satoru had something going on.”

You froze, stunned and silent. 

“I had heard from my mother that you both were in a relationship. He never mentioned it to me, though, and I didn’t mention it, either.” She turned around, eyes wide as she looked down and shuffled her feet in anxiousness. “I don’t know how it ended or when it ended, but I thought when he—he finally acknowledged there was something between us, the two of you were over. I didn’t want to know. We did get married because our fathers told us to, but I wasn’t lying when I said he was sweet and caring.” Her stare burned you like a billion matches. There was truth in her words, you knew—

“You homewrecking bitch!” Reina’s voice cut off your train of thought as she walked towards Hana, an accusatory finger pointed in her direction. Once again, you didn’t stop her even though you probably should’ve. “If you knew he was in a relationship, how could you even think of flirting with him? They were engaged. God! I swear, both you and Gojo are two peas in the same pod. You deserve each other.” Her words were also ringing through your head and there was confusion bubbling up within the same pot as growing anger. 

“Why’d you pretend not to know when we saw you at the club?” you asked, finding your voice again, in a calm tone that surprised you, too. 

Hana shook her head. Her face had curled up into fury, and you wondered if her nice, docile, angel-sent-from-above personality was a card she held up her sleeve the entire time. “I didn’t care. I didn’t want to know because Satoru was mine—is mine. You weren’t a part of his life anymore, so I didn’t want to add any worries that were misplaced.”

You wondered if you should tell her that Satoru had tried reaching out to you at Suguru’s gallery. 

“If he had told me he was with you, I wouldn’t have tried anything with him.”

You were sure you had moved past everything. 

After more than a year of avoiding any fire from your past with Satoru, the past two weeks had been filled to the brim with situations revolving around him. It was easy to ignore what you had with Satoru when he seemed like a distant memory and then a mere ghost in your thoughts. But when he’s insistent on giving you answers you never asked for, answers you didn’t want to know, and his wife had made an appearance that caused your brain to run without stopping, it was difficult to treat him the way you had. 

No matter how much you wanted to ignore everything and reset your brain back to its default settings, you couldn’t when the world was caving in on you and reality seeped through its cracks to light a bright, pertinent light in front of your eyes. You hated Gojo Satoru with every inch of your bones, but you were never truly able to forget just Satoru himself.

Your mind had an interesting way to deal with the pile of information dropped onto your shoulders. You should’ve been reliving how Satoru made your blood boil when he got engaged with Hana, how he carelessly broke your heart because he began falling for somebody else, somebody brand new while he was taking space on your bed every night. You should’ve been, but you weren’t. 

‘A relationship broken is always a relationship that could’ve been,’ is what you’d read once graffitied onto a brick wall you were leaning against with Satoru once in the middle of the bustling city streets. You’d pointed it out, he’d agreed. He’d agreed. You wish he hadn’t because there was a fragment of you that wished he remembered those words now. The devilish part of you wished that’s what he remembered, recounted abruptly while he was sleeping next to his wife. 

You wished he’d think of the could’ve been’s instead of the measly fears he told you about at the gallery. 

You also wish you had those fears, too. You loved Satoru to a point that he was in everything you did; your clothes smelt like his detergent because you would always take your laundry to his house for the weekends. The lamp next to your bed had his bracelet wrapped around it because he thought it was too loose on his wrist and he’d lose it. You would always accidentally call him because his contact was on your home screen, causing you to press on it when you were scrolling (he always picked up and he always talked to you for hours after, making you forget why you had opened your phone in the first place). The tattoo, a small design of baby’s breaths, on your hip reminded you of how he had held your hand through the pain. 

You knew Satoru’s dreams. You knew Satoru’s biggest fears. So, why did he never tell you the fears he had for the two of you?

As soon as the thought hit your mind, it was followed by you harshly reprimanding yourself by reminding you that it was because he was getting excited over someone else’s calls, someone else’s dreams.

“Y/N, honey.” You heard your mother’s voice call from your ajar bedroom door before she hesitantly stepped in, heel-clad feet grazing over the off-white floor with footsteps following behind her. “Your friend from the gallery here to see you.”

You knew exactly who she was talking about which is why you raised slightly from your bed, a panicked look in your eyes, and only began pleading with her to tell him you weren’t here. Before you could even utter a complete, coherent sentence, Suguru had walked in with his head down and your mother simply walked out of the door, sparing you a sad smile. She didn’t know any of what had happened, but she most likely sensed it wasn’t anything worth toasting to after seeing Suguru’s mood and your reaction. 

“Please, Suguru.” Your voice wobbled, a slight hiccup in your words because this was too much. Even though Suguru was somewhere on the top of your least-favorite people list at the moment, he didn’t deserve to see you get angry at him without having control over your words. “Leave.”

“Listen, listen, Y/N. I just… I heard some stuff and I needed to check on you.” His words were hesitant, as if he’d rehearsed them but had changed the script at the last minute. He walked closer to your bed and you couldn’t find the words to ask him to leave. “Hana told me—”

You snorted, cutting him off. “Hana told you what? That I ended her perfect, dreamy image of her marriage in public? Are you here to—what? Reprimand me? Tell me I was wrong—”

“Fuck, no. Stop, just for one second.”

You did stop because Suguru seemed more tense than you knew what to do with. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Y/N.”

You stared at him, unblinking. “What do you want me to say?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he quickly addressed, his body finding its way to the edge of your bed. “I want to say I’m sorry, and you don’t have to accept it. I was wrong—I realize that now but… I was scared, Y/N.”

“Scared of what? I wouldn’t have been any worse if you’d just told me what you knew, Suguru. You hid it from me when you saw how I was going insane the month after the breakup.”

“I was scared of this. How you’ve been feeling since Satoru told you the truth himself.” You couldn’t reply to that. “But I want to tell you that even though I hadn’t told you about it, I did let Satoru know really well what he did was wrong. Not that it’s any better, but I never supported what he did. I—I couldn’t stop him from marrying her because… well, because he’s Satoru. I shouldn’t have assumed you were okay, especially not after finding out about Hana after three months. But I thought you were and—I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking straight.

But I heard from Hana earlier today about what had happened at brunch. She said she was scared Satoru would find out what she said and I—I have no idea why she trusted me with that information. I’m not friends with her. I don’t know why she told me.”

You took in a deep breath processing all the information Suguru kept on dropping. “I’m not telling Satoru anything.”

“But she—”

“She nothing. I don’t want to hear it, Suguru. Whatever she did, even if she actively tried to sabotage me and Satoru, it was on him that he let her.” Your phone lit up from beside you and you glanced at the time, internally thanking whoever controlled it for the real excuse to kick him out of your house. “I have plans with Kento. You need to leave now, actually.”

You didn’t miss the way Suguru’s face flashed with a hint of disappointment at your words. 

Kento Nanami wasn’t understanding—not truly—which is why you were surprised that halfway through your date, when you told him you had to talk to Satoru, he understood. He walked you out of the restaurant, a calm, unwavering hand on your back and told you that no matter what happened, he’d be there by your side. 

And though you knew you had people by your side, you really couldn’t remember who and felt a flutter in your chest. 

By the time you reached Satoru’s (and Hana’s) apartment, the urge and confidence you felt when you came up with your plan ebbed away into pieces and left you lying there in a situation you weren’t sure you could face. You raised your hand up to press a finger against the doorbell regardless, trying to force away the thought that you would see the apartment you helped him move into and decorate. You briefly, for a second, wondered if he had changed it. You also wondered if it would hurt to see the small paintings you’d bought as a present for his new apartment not be in the spots of the wall Satoru put you on his shoulders to pin.

When the door opened, you were met with the same eyes that had haunted your dreams and nightmares. His mouth opened, wide enough for a fly to fly into, then he schooled his features into mere curiosity. You realized that you were the one that sought him out this time, you were the one who dropped in unannounced at his house, which meant you should speak. 

“I need to talk to you.” And frankly, at that moment, you didn’t care if Hana was lurking behind him and able to hear you initiate a conversation with her husband. That was what he was: her husband before your ex-fiance.

He breathed out and shook his head as if willing himself to speak, too. “Yes. Yeah. Come in, Y/N.”

And you did. You saw the walls, the paintings, the small hearts on the corner of the dining table you drew with a sharpie, the couch you picked out, and even the necklace you had forgotten that peeked from under his coat on the coat hanger. You didn’t comment on it, though. 

“Do you want water? Tea? Liquor?” 

You almost laughed at the anxiousness in his voice. “I’m good. This won’t take long.”

Satoru’s expression was what you could confidently call crestfallen, and he didn’t try to hide it this time. You forced yourself not to think about it. You merely went down to the couch in his living room that you picked out and placed yourself on the left corner because you always used to sit on the right. It helped you see the TV better. 

“She isn’t home.” You knew who he meant by ‘she.’

“Goj—Satoru, I need you to do something,” you said, unsure of how to start it off. In all fairness, you hadn’t prepared what you were going to say, it was just a messed up, jumbled backbone of stuff that you knew you had to tell him.

His reply was instant. “Anything.”

“I need you to not feel guilty or—I don’t know, keep feeling guilty but just keep it to yourself, okay?” You sounded like you were talking like a preschooler, and it wasn’t much different because Satoru looked at you with the hopeful eyes a kid has before you reject their wishes. But Satoru wasn’t a kid, Satoru was a man who made poor choices and hurt someone by doing something unexcusable, and that made it okay to tell him to stop. 

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t talk to me. If we’re in the same place, don’t talk to me. Don’t ask me not to hate you. Don’t tell me you regret what you did to me.”

It hurt to break your heart by your own words. 

“Y/N, don’t do this,” he trailed off, eyes wide and filled with fear now. “Please.”

“Stop.” Your own eyes brimmed with tears you weren’t going to shed. It was fine dealing with Satoru when he tried to talk to you, but doing it on your own terms gave you an inexplicable feeling of sadness you hadn’t expected. “You’re being selfish.”

“No. How…”

“You take when you want, Satoru. You know more than anybody else that I loved you and lost myself when I couldn’t. You were there that night in the car, holding me when I cried when you left me. You left me!” you exclaimed, pointing your index in his direction that would’ve jabbed him in the face if he wasn’t further away. “You were there even after you left me. You’re there now, making me all confused and angry, when you know you can’t give me anything. You don’t have any intention of being somebody I need in my life, so leave. Make this easier for me and leave. Let me live my life while you live yours.”

He had shifted down the couch, and though he was still not too close, it felt too close. 

“Don’t—fuck, don’t say that, love. Please. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

You flailed your arms in the air, his words not helping your case at all. “You can be sorry a million times over, but what’s done is done. You can’t… Fuck, Satoru. You can’t do this.”

A moment passed. Then another. He placed his head in his hands, facing ahead while you faced his shaking body. 

“I love you,” he said, and you were lost. 

“Don’t do this to your wife, Satoru. You love her. You’re supposed to love her. Don’t do this to someone else.”

“I love you,” he repeated, his eyes now looking into yours with a familiar fire of determination. “You know that, right? You know that I love you?” His words broke out into a sob that ripped directly from his scratchy throat. “Tell me you know that.”

“Then please leave. Don’t show up. Stop showing up, and stop explaining something that can’t be understood.”

And when Satoru placed a hand on your cheek, you didn’t push it away because you saw that previous fire dwindle within a second. He tugged his lower lip between his teeth as he scanned your warm face, your glassy eyes, and he noticed how you were shivering under his touch. You didn’t push it away because Satoru might’ve been selfish, but you were, too. And you would inhale the embers of him before they turned into ash.

“You want this?” he asked, but you could see he knew the answer. You didn’t reply. He continued, “I’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want. But—But I want you to know I wanted it to be you. When Hana walked down the aisle, I thought of you. I wish you’d come. I would’ve never said ‘I do.’ I swear. I’m sorry I fucked up—I fucked us up. I got carried away and…”

You smiled sadly. “Don’t do that to her. You have a chance at being happy, Satoru. Don’t ever do what you did to me again.”

“Do you?” he asked.

“Do I what?”

“Have that chance at being happy?”

You thought about the question and Kento’s name flashed in your mind. It might have been small compared to the colossal amounts of feelings you felt with Satoru back then, but it was something. Even though you didn’t shake under Kento’s touch or feel your stomach turning upside down everytime he smiled at you, you felt safe and you knew that if you could stay, Kento would stay, too. 

“I do.”

He inhaled a sharp breath, a single tear falling from his eye. “Is it wrong that I still wish it was me?”

You wanted to say no, it isn’t because a part of me wishes it was you, too. You didn’t. 

He continued, “I can’t let you go, Y/N.” 

Another tear, then another, till they continued streaming down his face. You couldn’t stop them. You couldn’t react to them. Not even when he took his hand away from your face to messily wipe them away between sobs and hiccups. 

“You said you didn’t deserve me, and you were right. Remember that.”

And even though a larger part of you didn’t want to leave, you left, afraid that you might end up entangling yourself in his arms to cry with him. To get one taste of his lips for the last time before deciding to fuck it all and make one kiss more. To hold onto him for longer, forever. You left because you weren’t sure you could tell Satoru to leave again. You thought you still loved Satoru just not in the way you used to. But when you saw him pleading for nothing because there was no good outcome for the two of you, you realized you might still love Satoru the way you used to, just less and concealed by the hurt. You would’ve chosen all the bad outcomes and then some more if you stayed a minute longer.

[panlight]

I'm not sure if its possible to get something like pigs blood from a butcher in the US, but i feel like someone like Esme would prefer that over hunting animals.

And maybe Carlisle and Rosalie would work on a blood alternative, kind of like TruBlood, for vampires.

What are your thoughts on that?

My understanding is that it's tricky in the US to find it, but with the Cullens' money they could probably pay off some local butchers to save blood for them. Just imagining Esme being like "oh I make authentic black pudding and sell it online!" as an explanation and they make like a fake online store front for it and then people start trying to actually order it and she's like, oh crap I guess I have to make some now? Like when you read stories about restaurants that were really fronts for mob activity but someone wanders in and the mobsters have to get their mom to cook some pasta for the oblivious customers.

But, really, if SM were more interested in 'vampire slice of life' stuff AND if she had more room in her story for the secondary characters to have desires and motivations outsides of either facilitating or resenting the main romance, of course Carlisle would have been trying to make a blood substitute, and of course Rosalie and Edward, with their various STEM degrees, would be helping him. And OF COURSE they would have researched the myths surrounding vampires having children long before Bella got pregnant. It's absolutely impossible for me to suspend my disbelief to accept that the Cullens and especially Carlisle were just like 'wow we literally never thought or wondered about this until just now' when Bella gets pregnant. Esme and Rosalie LONG for children! SURELY they've researched this before!?!? I could accept that they researched it but found no concrete evidence and thought it was just a myth made up by the Volturi or whatever but just the 'literally no idea . . . even though apparently there are books in our library about it, and our groundskeepers on Isle Esme know about it, and there are websites online about it' does not make sense to me unless the Cullens have just literally been standing around like unplayed Sims waiting for Edward and Bella to need them for something.

I also think the Cullens probably should have been working on some kind of sparkle-suppressing vampire make-up. I've seen people asking why they don't just use make-up to hide the sparkle or look older, but since their skin is so different from human skin, normal make-up probably wouldn't work that well. But again, you've got Alice the fashion maven and bunch of other vampires with backgrounds in biology and they can't put their heads together and come up with some kind of vampire-friendly, sparkle-proof foundation?

Again, I get it: at the end of the day Twilight is a romance, and romances generally and understandably have a narrow focus on the central relationship. But romances don't usually have so MANY side characters, either. Realistically, I would expect the Cullens, with their various medical and scientific studies, abundant free time (no sleep!) and unlimited wealth, would have already solved a lot of living-as-a-vampire problems by the time Bella showed up.

Assuming they can be solved, of course. Maybe vampire venom on the skin really just makes any make-up lasting for more than a half hour impossible. Maybe a blood substitute just doesn't work because there's some magical 'blood is the life' thing going on here. Maybe pig's blood is just too impractical to get from a butcher in the volume they need it. Maybe the act of hunting helps them release tension and they realize they miss it.

But yeah I'd have loved to have seen more of this. There's some stuff in Midnight Sun that hints at the stuff the Cullens get up to, but it's more like, Emmett and Jasper's complicated chess game with multiple boards, or Alice and Rosalie designing clothes on the computer. I don't think SM really thought about 'what would a vampire doctor who wants to be as human as possible be researching in his spare time?' and so we missed out on some of this stuff.

[frenziedslashers]

Hear me out on this one, negan with a transmasc s/o and he grinds his bat against them

My Two Favorite's

A/N: PLEAASE, I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SINCE YOU SENT IT LMAOO (Also, I LOVE your pfp. I love Dewey sm 🫶)

Warnings: Negan(he is a warning let's be fr), Object grinding(?), Fingering, brief spanking, Punishing, uhh body dysmorphia, if I missed anything lmk, it's like 3am here. Negan also may be ooc idk. Enjoyy:))

Pairing: Negan Smith x Transmasc!Reader

REQUEST INFO || TWD MASTERLIST

God he could be such an ass.

Negan was a lot to work with and everyone knew it. Even the people within the compound, who dropped to their knees out of "respect" knew that he was a pain. You knew the respect was mostly fear, though. Everyone knew that much.

He had picked you up towards the beginning of all of this. Offering you a safe haven. Sanctuary. You were on your own, fighting and running daily, so of course. You trusted him, and truthfully, you still did.

Even though he did some mighty questionable, and some would even say cruel things. You trusted him with your life. He never gave you a reason to doubt him or believe that he would harm you. He would put himself between you and the line of fire any day, and you knew it. You were his weakness. His rock.

"You wanna talk back now?" He quipped, following you into your room. Though he offered to share his room with you, you requested to keep your own. You still carried this fear of getting too attached to the man. That one day he might not betray you, but he might leave. Not by his choice, but the choice of the cruel world that you both lived in. He wasn't exactly liked by many.

You huffed as he continued to follow you into the bedroom. Throwing your hands up in exasperation. "I just don't understand why you keep me trapped in here!" You snapped, and he tutted. You couldn't bring yourself to look at him. You just knew that stupid smirk was on his face. "And what exactly are you even trying to leave for, Mister? You got everything you could ever need here, where it's safe." You hated how much he cared about you sometimes. Other times, it'd make you smile and your stomach would tingle with that feeling you swore you'd never feel again after the apocalypse hit.

The sigh that left your nostrils made him raise his brows. The angrier you got, the thinner the ice you treaded on became. Negan wasn't exactly a guy you wanted to piss off and you knew that. "I just want to leave," He opened his mouth, but your eyes that met his were quick to ridden his fear of you leaving for good. "Not forever, I can't leave here, and you know it." That he did, you had nowhere else to go. Unless you decided to live in one of the communities that they 'owned'. "I'm just tired of being locked up. I feel like I'm in a prison and you're forcing me to be here because for some fucking reason you care about me." You snapped, and he nodded, his eyes darting over your face with the look in his eyes that you despised.

"Will you stop looking at me like that?" You asked, and he furrowed his brow, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Like what?" "Like you actually care." His smile was quick to fade at your words. Expression looking a little offended at what you said. "The hell is that supposed to mean? Why in God's name would I not care about you?" He asked, and you felt a tinge of guilt shoot through you. In the years that you had been with him, you still hadn't accepted the fact that he does care about you. Stepping backward as he approached you with heavy steps.

"You know what? No, you can't leave. Not when you think I don't give two damns about you." He snarled, one hand reaching out to point and poke at the center of your chest right below your collarbone. His other hand gripping Lucille with a force that turned his knuckles white. "You act like we haven't been fighting together for years. Like I don't pass up women and men who offer me a hell of a night because I fucking care about you. I don't know how many goddamn times I have to tell you that too!" He exclaimed, his nostrils flaring. You wanted to feel bad, but your eyes only narrowed on him with a huff of your own.

"Oh! Sorry, I'm your biggest cock block of the century!" He narrowed his eyes at your statement. "That's not what I was sayin' and you know it," "Go fuck yourself, Negan." You spat, and that was the man's final straw. "You watch your tone with me, boy." He barked, and you flinched. He'd never raised his voice like that with you. You should have known it'd be coming one of these days.

In the beginning, Negan was so gentle and careful with you. He'd give you space when you needed it, all while keeping his eyes on you at all times. Making sure his men and women were treating you well. He'd talk with you, make you smile, and laugh. He'd treat you kindly and respect you. Even in these dark times, he was a beacon of light. A man that actually respected your chosen pronouns - despite what you were "supposed to be". Any of the Saviors that would misgender you, or call you slurs, he'd take care of them personally.

Negan was always so kind to you. If his sarcasm was too much he'd do his best to tone it down with you, or at least let you know when he was joking with a simple "that was a joke, by the way." He wanted nothing more than for you to let him in, but you were so stubborn. He could tell that even before the apocalypse you weren't an easy-trusting person, yet he respected that. You shouldn't trust people, even though he wished you would trust him.

Recently, though. It was getting harder and harder for you both. Negan was fighting with keeping his two current communities together - The Kingdom and Hilltop. He was too busy leading and you were too busy pulling away from him, which pissed him off to no extent. He wanted you to understand that he loved you, he really did.

Negan was staring down at you, and you coward - just the slightest. Watching as his chest heaved and his eyes burnt holes into you. "You ever speak to me like that again, I'll make you wish you never did." He snarled, and you felt your chest tighten with panic and anxiety. Like maybe you stepped on his toes too many times over the years and your attempts at keeping yourself safe from his inevitable fall only pushed him away from you. It wasn't until this that you finally realized how much you missed that stupidly obnoxious smile of his.

"Negan," you frowned, and he shook his head. "You've tried me too much over the past few months. I am done being nice to you," he stated, but he didn't move, and that almost scared you more than what he was saying to you. "I'm sorry," you muttered, and he nodded. "You better fucking be." He snarled, and you nodded back. Your head dipping down. Noticing how white his knuckles were around his bat, still.

What you were doing now was risky as hell. One wrong move and that bat could very well cave in your skull, but you still, through thick, trusted him. You reached for his hand, fingers brushing over his knuckles and it made him flinch. The man inhaled sharply before his eyes flicked down to your hand. He wanted to reach out and grab you. Pull you against him and show you just how much he cared for you while also reminding you who ran the show here, but he didn't move. Not yet, anyway.

Negans eyes watched as you grabbed his fist. His muscles relaxed under your touch, but it didn't stop the anger that coursed his veins. It wasn't until you looked up at him that he felt those emotions slowly dissipate. Maybe he was being too harsh on you, maybe he needed to give you space. "I care about you too, you know." He raised his brows a little at the confession. A nearly unnoticeable reaction that told so many emotions in the man's eyes. He just never assumed that he would hear you admit such a thing. Especially not after he yelled at you.

"I'm sorry I was pushing you away. I just get scared. I was getting so close with you and," You chewed on your bottom lip, and he nodded. "I get it," he told you, and your eyes bounced between his. "I pushed you, I wasn't here, you probably think I'm dead anytime we show up late to the compound," he told you, reaching up to brush his knuckles over your jaw, and you nodded with a soft chuckle. "Yeah, unfortunately, I do." He smiled, "Well, I'm not dead, and even if the apocalypse wasn't amongst us, I could be killed by anything. A car, a rabid dog, lightning," he chuckled, and you let yourself smile. Just a little, but it was enough for him.

He was silent again for a moment before he leaned forward a little more. "I want you to trust me," He spoke, his voice low. It was just for you to hear. His eyes scanned yours for any sign of discomfort. "Do you trust me?" He asked, and you nodded. "I have since you found me," he smiled at that confession. His obnoxious grin graced his lips that showed off his stupidly perfect teeth. "Now, that's what I wanna hear." And you knew everything you said went straight to his head.

He leaned in a little more, but you didn't move. Only watched as his smile faded just a little, and he set Lucille on the table beside you. One hand held your waist while the other cupped the side of your face. Can I kiss you? is the look you read in his eyes, and you nodded. Even if he didn't ask the question out loud, you practically knew what he was thinking. That small nod was all the taller man needed before he was leaning forward to press a kiss to your lips.

You had expected the kiss to be rough at first, but it wasn't. He was slow, making sure not to scare you off. It wasn't until you grabbed his waist with one of your own hands and the other snaked through the hair on the back of his head that he deepened it and got more hungry with it. Lips pressed firmly against yours until you were each practically kissing with your teeth. He's wanted this for so long and he wasn't about to stop with just a kiss. As long as you were okay with it all.

He pushed you forward towards the bed in your room with a groan. The backs of your legs came in contact with the piece of furniture, buckling from the contact and he was quick to push you down onto the mattress. Giving you a few longing kisses before pulling away from you. "Gonna go shut the door, no need having anyone see us," he told you with a cheesy grin. Dipping back down to kiss your stomach before turning back for the door.

His steps were quick, and you could tell how excited he was that this was finally happening. It made you smile a little knowing he's waited for you for so long. If anything, it had you more excited about the situation at hand. You wanted to take your shirt off, but that familiar feeling of insecurity rose up the back of your neck when you remembered the world fell to shit before you could exactly get top surgery. Or bottom. You were in a body that you hated, and you didn't tell Negan, but it was partially the reason why you didn't want to exactly pursue a relationship with him.

He was quick to distract you with his voice, though. Eyes drifted up to meet his when he stood in front of you. "You still trust me, handsome?" He asked, and that simple word had some of those insecurities dwindling. "Of course I do," you hummed with a smile, scooting further up the bed and he smiled back. "Good, I'll go easy on you," He bellowed, "But you got some learning to do after yelling at me like that earlier." He told you, and you felt your stomach churn at his loose threat. Swallowing thickly when you noticed the bat that he carried everywhere with him was in his right hand. Covered in barbed wire that you knew would sting if you so much as pricked your finger on it.

"Lay down," he ordered and you did as told. Even if your eyes watched that bat with a fearful gaze. He noticed it and only smiled. "Don't you worry, baby. I won't hurt ya, I promise." He told you, leaning down to press another kiss to your lips that eased your worries away. "Have I ever hurt ya?" He asked, and you shook your head just as quickly as he asked the question. A soft 'no' fell from your lips which only made him smile back. "Exactly, ain't starting now either," He hummed, leaning down to kiss the shell of your ear, a hand resting on your stomach. "Unless you want me to," he growled into your ear and you felt yourself shudder.

Before you could answer him he was positioning himself to the side of you. One hand parted your thighs while the other brought Lucille between your legs. He watched what he was doing carefully, but his smug smile didn't fade from his face once. "God, you both are so beautiful, so handsome, you know that?" He asked, and you opened your mouth to ask what he was doing, but your lips fell shut. Worried he might punish you further for asking questions.

You gasped when he brought the base of Lucille to your clothed mound. Gasping through parted lips while gripping the sheets. Sighing when his lips kissed your throat. "You gonna tell me to go fuck myself again?" He asked, and you had half a mind to say you might, but he pressed the bat against you in a way that had you hissing. Your brows furrowed as the man ground the object against you in a steady motion. "Answer when spoken to," he said against your throat, feeling his facial hair burn at your skin and you couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like between your thighs.

"No, no I won't," you muttered with a shaky breath as he rubbed you just right. "Good boy," he cooed, and you felt your skin prick at his words. "You wanna thank Lucille? She's making you feel good too," he purred, and when you didn't answer he bit at your shoulder. "Thank you, Lu-Lucille," you blurted, and he let out another breathy chuckle against your throat. "Good," he purred, nudging your jaw with his nose. "Now, my gorgeous, gorgeous boy. Tell me what you want."

It felt like he was slowly stripping you from your dignity. Pursing your lips when you thought about protesting, but the way he was pressing that stupid bat against you had your body aching for something more. "I want your hands to touch me, that stupid-" you let out a hiss when he pressed the base of the bat against you rather roughly. "Instead of Lucille. I want to feel your hands against my skin, Negan," you breathed out, and you'd never seen him look so smug.

The man gently reached over to lean Lucille against the wall and he was hovering over you in an instant. "You're doing so good," he praised, and you felt your body ache at his words. You haven't heard praise in what felt like forever. Sure, he's praised you as you worked, but this felt oh so different. More intimate and meaningful.

His hands went to the bottom of your shirt, but when your own came to stop his, he looked up at you with a look that you'd never seen before. "I told you, I won't hurt you. Physically or emotionally, you can trust me on that."He told you, and you nodded, pulling your hands back in order for him to pull your shirt over your head. Looking at the bandages that bound your chest. Frowning at how tightly wound they looked on your body. "Honey," his voice was sweet, "We're gonna have to find you something safer than these bandages." He told you, leaning down to kiss your sternum and you felt your eyes prick with tears. You've never had anyone offer to help you feel comfortable in your own skin, and it had your heart yearning.

You grabbed his head and pulled him up for a kiss. The man smiling when you did so. He loved how needy you seemed right now. He'd never seen you like this. Your walls were still up, but a door was unlocked just for Negan. The leader was able to open it and enter into the fortress that you built yourself to hide away in for God only knows how long.

He didn't dare touch the bandages. His fingers ran over the top and bottom of them gently, in order to show that he cared. Plus, to look at the angry marks that dug into your skin and made his heartache. He knows this is how you've been binding your chest since the beginning, and maybe even longer. He wanted to ask if you sleep like that, if you ever give yourself a break from the tightly wound bandages, but he didn't. That was a conversation for another time.

His lips came to meet your own in a tender and passionate kiss. As if to tell you with his lips that he was there to show you a good time. He wanted you to enjoy this just as much as he did. Even if he was going to tease the hell out of you for that mini outburst earlier. He simply can't let that slide. Though, in a way, he was. He would do so much worse to anyone that wasn't you. He wouldn't be kissing and fucking them good. He'd probably be picking out a spot for them on that chain-linked fence that wrapped around the compound.

He grumbled while your hands reached up to move his leather jacket over his shoulders. Negan shrugged them so the jacket would slide off easier. Before tossing it to the side with a hum. His own hands were dancing along your skin. Calloused fingertips brushing against the soft skin of your stomach, hips, the skin of your arms, and your collar bone. One hand finally wrapping around your throat. His thumb felt your pulse, and how it sped up when he pressed a little harder. "Neg'," you moaned into his mouth, and he ate that noise up like candy. Pulling back in order to look at you with that wolfish smirk.

That's what he was. A wolf. He was always thirsty for blood and violence. The leader of his pack of other vicious and mangey wolves. You were simply a little lost lamb that he brought in. He liked to think that he had you wrapped around his finger, but everyone, even deep down himself. They all knew you were the one who had the big bad wolf wrapped around your little finger. He'd kneel for you out of respect if you truly asked him to. He'd do a lot for you if you asked. He trusted you more than anyone in this compound, and he hoped one day you would realize that.

"Can I take your pants off?" He asked, and you knew he was just trying to be sweet and not scare you after the whole shirt situation, but you couldn't help and roll your eyes at the way he said it. He asked so bluntly, so Negan.

"Only if you take your shirt off."

He smiled fondly at your words and did as told. Reaching behind himself to grab the thin and worn fabric before pulling it over his head. Noticing how quick your eyes were to lock on the muscles of his shoulders, then to his chest, and down to the hairs that littered down his stomach into his pants. He was so gorgeous, really. His body told stories without words. Tattoos that you wondered if they all had meaning behind them; or none at all. The scars that were scattered along his chest, arms, and stomach were new and old. They told his character. How strong he really was and the struggles he's seemed to go through his whole life.

You watched closely as his muscles flinched when you reached out to touch a bigger scar on his side. Your eyes darted up to meet his, and he had a warning look in his eyes. Watching your next moves cautiously and carefully. He trusted you though, and you could tell.

The pads of your fingers brushed over it, feathery light. The man smiled faintly when you leaned forward to press a soft kiss over it. Allowing his eyes to flutter shut with a small hum. "Don't get too sappy on me," he grumbled, and you chuckled, licking up his left pectoral to his collar bone and the groan he released was heavenly. "Who said I was a sap?" You asked, biting down on his shoulder just like he did yours early. Both of you marked one another with your teeth and it had him ecstatic.

He pushed you back down on the bed, flipping your body over so you were now on your stomach. His hands reached down for your pants, hooking his fingers under the hem of the clothing while kissing your shoulders. One on the left, then one on the right. "May I?" He asked, and you nodded, raising your ass a little which had his chest vibrating with a laugh.

He pulled your pants down, quickly. Your underwear coming with them which made you gasp at the feeling of cool air on you. "God, you're such a pretty boy, you know that? So handsome, all for me." He snickered, kissing the back of your thigh before sucking. Leaving a violet mark behind. The sight making him grumble as he left a few more marks on your thighs. A large palm resting on your ass.

You weren't sure what to expect, but it definitely wasn't your body sliding over the mattress. Your lower half now on his lap. "Now, for that tone of voice you used with me earlier," he spoke, a smile curling at his lips when you looked over your shoulder. "Negan," you tried to plead and he shook his head. His large hand kneaded at the flesh. His other hand reached to undo his belt while unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. "Another peep out of you, and I walk out that door. Got it?" He asked, and you nodded. You knew he would, too. He wasn't one to throw around loose threats.

He raised his hand up and brought it down with a loud 'slap' against your skin. A hiss leaves your throat at the sensation. Burying your face in the bed with a wince. "What do you have to say?" He asked, and you didn't answer. "Answer when spoken to," he growled out, reaching over to grab the front of your throat, squeezing lightly. "Thought you said not to talk?" He slapped your ass again. Harder than before, and you lurched forward with a groan. "I'm sorry!" You shouted, and he grinned. "That's what I thought." He hummed with a light chuckle.

He kneaded at the flesh of your ass again. Humming while thinking. "Now," he stared, parting your thighs. "If you behave well, be a good boy for me, I'll fuck you no strings attached."He told you, reaching between your legs to press two thick fingers between your folds. "If you don't," He pressed a finger inside you, the other rubbing over your clit. Watching how you writhed beneath his touch. "I draw this out and well, you don't get anything out of it and I simply leave. Understand?" He asked, and you nodded, "I understand," he smiled, curling his finger inside you before pulling his hand away. Shifting in order to put you back on your back on bed.

Negan stood in front of the bed, pulling his jeans and boxers off before climbing back between your legs. "Now, repeat after me," he hummed. "Negan, I will not talk to you like that ever again. I will do as I am told, and if I leave the compound I will be sure to tell you and have either you or someone else go along." You muttered the words back to him, and he shook his head with a tut, grabbing your jaw with strong fingers. His dark eyes scanning yours with a grin. "A little louder, my prince," he toyed, and you glared a little at the nickname. If it weren't how you ached for him you would have cursed him out. "Negan," you spoke, and he tilted his head, listening as you said the rest of the spiel. "That's better," he told you, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. "Now how about we reward you for that."

Negan pushed your legs apart with a hum. Two of his fingers pressing inside of you which had you tensing. "Fuck, Negan," you moaned, and he chuckled, kissing your jaw with a sigh. "God, you're gonna feel absolutely delicious." He told you with a snicker.

He said a few more words for you to repeat back to him. Finally, rewarding you by removing his fingers and positioning himself with your entrance. He stared at you for a moment. A look in his eyes that had you a little worried. Wondering if maybe he was regretting this. A wave of insecurities rushing over yourself. What if he didn't want you? He just wanted the idea of you. You were already so exposed, you'd have to leave if he just stopped. Join one of the other communities and never look at Negan again.

"You do trust me, right?" The concern that dripped from his voice caught you off guard. Your eyes racing to his as he stared back at you. He looked almost scared, and that scared you. You've never seen him lower his own walls. It was like you were seeing inside him and all you could do was offer him a smile. Reaching out to wrap your arms around his neck to pull him close. "Negan," he waited for you to continue. His eyes begging you to carry on. "If I didn't trust you I wouldn't be here right now. I would have left the night you brought me here. I trust you more than I would like to admit," He told you, leaning forward to brush your lips against his. Negan leaning forward to lock his lips with yours. Pushing you back into the bed before finally pushing himself within you.

He was right, too. You did feel absolutely Devine. He held you like this for a while. Feeling as your body tensed from the intrusion. Your hand tugged at his hair while the other clawed at his back. He didn't break from the kiss, though. He needed to kiss you. To eat you up. He could if you would only let him.

Once you rolled your hips he was sure to be steady as his hips rolled against you. Working his way up to a slower pace until he was confident enough to start snapping his hips against your own. Each snap of his hips had you grabbing harder, and harder at him. His hands were grabbing at your hips with a force that you were sure would leave two hand shaped bruises.

He truly screwed you like he meant it. He's wanted this since the moment he laid eyes on you, and the fact that he waited for this long drove him crazy. His hips moved faster the faster your breathing got. Listening to every noise that indicated he was doing something right. his hands pleasuring you just as much as your body pleasured him.

He never truly thought he would ever get to have sex with you. With how reserved and closed off you always were. Anytime you flirted back with him that was enough to settle his wandering mind, but it was never enough. He wanted you to be his, and now he had you. Or at least he hoped this wasn't just a one-time thing. Honestly, if you never wanted to have sex again he wouldn't care. So long as he could call you his. If you didn't want that, he'd try his best to push the hurt feelings aside and accept it, though. He hoped you wanted something between the two of you to grow. The way you looked at him gave him at least an ounce of hope for a future with you.

"Negan," you cried, and he nodded his head. "Let go for me, baby," he panted into your ear, and you nodded. Kissing and then burying your face into his shoulder. Letting out a cry of his name while your orgasm took the reins. Your hips rolling to meet his thrusts.

Once you fell limp, Negan was quick to thrust faster within you. Chasing his own high while he panted and muttered sweet nothings into your ear. It wasn't until his hips started staggering that he pulled out of you. His hand taking over the action of stimulation before he came onto your stomach. Stroking out his orgasm with a loud grumble that erupted from his chest. His eyebrows knitted tightly together.

He fell onto the bed beside you. His chest heaving with yours. The both of you lying there in silence. His eyes were shut, but his smile was still there. "I could hit that smile off your face," you muttered without even realizing it, and he raised his brows. Eyes still shut. "Getting mouthy again already?" you cursed yourself in your head. "No, it's just how I admire, you cocky bastard," you sighed out, leaning over to press a kiss to his shoulder. Watching the way his smile grew toothy at the small action and the banter. "God, that mouth of yours," he sighed with a throaty chuckle. "If I didn't know any better, you want me to go harder on you next time." He spoke, opening one eye to peak over with a smirk.

Next time. You smiled softly at the thought of doing this again with him. "Well," you leaned up, looking at the mess on your stomach with a sigh which he looked at as well. "Only if you ain't as goddamn messy." He snickered lightly, sitting up to kiss your cheek with a dramatic 'Mwah' sound. "Anything for you, baby boy."

[rickie-the-storyteller]

One Song for Every OC Tag!

I was tagged by @gummybugg to do this (thank you sm <3).

Rules are simple - Assign a song that fits the vibe of your OC.

I've actually made playlists for my OCs already lol... you can find them on my Spotify!

Here's the link:

If I were to pick 1 specific song for each character, though... then these would be the ones:

Stephanie - Wings (Little Mix)

This song perfectly captures Steph's strong confident independent bad B personality lol. She seizes every opportunity, lives in the moment, and makes the best of every moment. That's what this whole song is about!

The only thing is... it makes a point about mothers giving their daughters life advice, and that doesn't exactly fit Steph as a character lol. She doesn't even know who her biological mother is... but the general message of the song fits nicely, so who cares?

Bret - Iris (The Goo Goo Dolls)

This song just screams Bret to me, I can't explain it.

Also, fun fact - a friend/follower of mine actually suggested that I put this on his Spotify playlist! So it isn't just me lol. I've actually put it on the Brelise playlist instead of the Bret one.

It's deep and moving, and beautifully written. Perfectly encapsulates his more vulnerable, sensitive side - the part of him that is hurting and looking for peace and solace and understanding (even if it's from just one person in the whole world). He wants someone to know who he is. He wants acceptance. And luckily, he does get it!

As well as healing. That's what he needs more than anything else, imo.

Elise - Idk lol. It's between two options...

I feel inclined to say "Für Elise" by Beethoven since that is where I got her name from. That's why I made this piece so important to her character.

Also, it is classical music, which I think suits El quite a lot... pretty, expressive, structured and classy. Plus, she's the studious one, and it is recommended to listen to classical music while you study!

Personality-wise and character-arc-wise, I feel like this song suits her a lot, though - it's called "Keeping Your Head Up" by Birdy!

I don't want to explain it too much... just listen to the lyrics. Elise's character in a nutshell, definitely.

Dylan - Beautiful Day (U2)

I love this song <3

I feel like Dylan would love it too. It's optimistic, while also reflective.

Gives off strong Dylan vibes to me. Very upbeat, but with a surprisingly rich inner world.

Alice - Underdog (Alicia Keys)

And finally, we have Ally. I'm giving her Underdog, 'cause that's what she is. The one people tend to overlook/underappreciate... but is actually a force to be reckoned with.

And that's all, folks!

I'm pretty sure all these songs appear in their playlists that I made for them on Spotify (apart from Bret's one). Check it out and follow for more!

This was great! I'll tag these people to try it next:

@wordbinge, @elizaellwrites, @writingalterras, @amugoffandoms, @flowers-2006, @mysticstarlightduck, @hollyannewrites, @clairelsonao3, @rubywrite, @winterandwords, @sam-glade, @scorpiolight, @ryns-ramblings, @yourlocalcryptidinthewoods

[dearweirdme]

Jungkook's solo is releasing in 3 days and the atmosphere on twitter has become so damn toxic. Instead of talking about 3D people are comparing tae and jk's promos. Shippers are leaving their "ships" and esp leaving jk. Why? Is it because he got better promotions acc to them? Tae's promotional activity was mainly centred around sk and Japan. But he got to do so much there. His promo schedule has been my fav of all the members so far. Those dumb solos feeling sorry for him, can't they see how happy he's been through it all? Why do you want him to go to some mild US talkshow when he went to the ones he loves? Is promotion only acceptable when it's done in the US? Stop feeling sorry for him. He's very happy with what he's achieved, unlike those who see negativity in even the most wholesome things.

Then there are those shippers who expect tae or jk to behave a certain way. They want tkk to make each other's life completely about their partners. Jk's only sm account is on Tiktok, which nowadays looks more like a pr account. How should he have promoted tae's album there? And even if he did post that mandatory screenshot of layover, like the others, what would that have proven? Tae has literally been talking all this time about how jk helped him. If they were "broken up", would he have felt comfortable talking about him given that the break up was recent since they were pretty close till July end?

3D was announced only 3 days ago and instead of being happy for jk, people are choosing to be vile and ignorant. If they are that quick to jump ships, then good riddance. They weren't doing any good staying anyways.

Also, if anyone wants to stay sane, leave twitter for a few days, that place has become more toxic than a nuclear dump rn

Hi @likeoldlove!

There's a reason why I don't visit twitter much 🙈.

Fandom is a tough place to be in at times, especcially shipper fandom. There's so many different kinds of fans around. There are those that are in it for fun, there are those that are in it for the excitement, some just like the mystery of looking for clues, some just seek connection with the fandom, but a lot also just genuinely care for the guys. I understand the concern some have about Tae, and that mostly comes from an urge to protect him I think. I feel that urge too at times, only concerning different topics. The hard part of being a connected fan is that we know so little in general, so It's easy to be mistaken.

Fans can leave over this if they want, I think a lot of them will actually return real soon when something "Tkkry" happens. And, though they might feel some sort of support by us being here, I think for Tae and Jk Tkkrs aren't that big a part of their actual lives. They don't really need us here.

I loved Tae's promo as well. I think he felt very comfortable and happy through all of it. I hope he looks back at it a proud man. The hast is due to limited time I think. Jk's new single will be followed by Jimin's doc, which will be followed by Jk's album also... and after that well.. we might just not have much time left with them.

[alara-kahya]

"Things end, that's all. Everything ends, and it's always sad. But everything begins again, and that's always happy." - 12th Doctor.

Self Para: Post break-up, 3 days later. Involved: Jayden Cross (deceased), her mom & Kian. Mentions: Nate Donovan & Emiri Tezel. Location/s: Cemetery & her home. Triggers: Death, grief, heartache.

"So, yeah, that's it. Sorry to come and bring bad news, I just... Well, selfishly I guess I thought it would help." Sighing as she sat on the ground in front of Jayden's grave, she tucked her knees into her chest and decided to just wallow for a minute. It was day three since Nate had walked out and aside from this right here, she hadn't told anyone. Not her mom, not even Emiri. What was she supposed to say? "I don't know how to talk about it with anyone else, or maybe I'm just scared to." Yeah, that felt more accurate. Alara had worked so incredibly hard over the years to shape herself into a strong and confident woman, it was difficult for her to show that she was still capable of being hurt. "I know what you'd say, I even know what you'd do, you would hug me and tell me to call my mom. Actually, you'd probably call her yourself. You can't beat a hug from your mom." She chuckles, saying something that Jayden used to say about her mother. Honestly, he was as close to an adopted child as her mom had, it broke her too when he died.

The soft laugh soon turned into a sniffle and before she knew it, she was choking back a sob and desperately wiping at the tears that spilled over her eyes. "How did I let this happen again," she puffed out a breath, still somehow laughing between crying, though it was far from a place of amusement. "I did what you always wanted me to do and I took a chance. Now look at me, right back to square one and you're not even here for me to say it's all your fault." Joking, but the words only made her miserable. "I feel like a fool, I really thought if I just kept patience, he'd find his moment and talk to me. Now I'm wondering if I should have pushed harder? And then I hate myself for thinking this could be my fault, because it isn't, is it? I gave him everything, and it just wasn't enough, how am I supposed to accept that? How can I when I don't understand." Groaning, what she does understand now is why she chose to come here and talk to a headstone over someone who could actually support her. Emotional and manic wasn't her best look, she wanted to try and vent a lot of it out before she turned to her family and friends. "It just hurts, it... yeah, it hurts."

The ache that swirled all around her insides only rippled outwards until it felt like even breathing in was painful. "I'm so lost without you, Jj, I miss you so much. So much." It wasn't fair. A thought that she seemed to be thinking a lot lately. Nothing was ever fair and she couldn't stand it. "You don't know what I'd give to go back, even if it was just to see you one last time." She lost herself when he had died, that much was clear to everyone who loved her, but what a lot of them didn't realize was that she never truly recovered. A part of her was still lost, still trying to claw it's way back but it never would. There was an empty space there in her heart that belonged entirely to her best friend. Sighing, she swiped more tears away and climbed up to her feet, staying crouched as her brown eyes lingered over his name. "Love you. I'll be back in a couple days, I'll bring beer." With a sad smile and a soft hand pressed against the cold stone, she takes a deep breath and turns to leave. Hopefully looking a little less blurry-eyed by the time she got home to greet her mother.

"Hey," calling out as she drops her bag at the door. "Sorry I'm late, work ran over and then I got talking to Jay," a statement that wasn't out the ordinary, it was never unusual for her to visit the cemetery just to keep her lost friend upto date on her life. "That's ok, sweetie. Little man is all tucked up, he's just waiting for a hug," her mom smiles, though she can't help but eye Alara with mild suspicion. "Everything ok?" Hard not to notice bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks when they were right in front of you, but it wasn't just that. It was something Kian had told her while they ate dinner. That he heard his mommy crying in the middle of the night. "Yeah, I'll go give him his hug," shying away from her gaze, she knew she couldn't talk about it right now, not while her son was waiting for her.

Making her way up the stairs, she does her best to rub the mascara away and go in his room with a warm greeting. "Hello my beautiful baby. Sorry I missed dinner." Walking over to sit on the end of his bed, her smile actually reaching her eyes just at the sight of him. "That's okay, but nanna made me eat sweetcorn," he pulled a blegh face and shuffled out his covers to envelope his arms around her. An action that had her eyes stinging with a fresh set of tears as she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. "I didn't tell her sweetcorn is on the no no list now." Chuckling, she kisses at the top of his head, and holds him tight, finding a warm comfort that only he could ever really provide. It almost made her unwilling to tuck him back in, but she did, somehow resisting the urge to just lay down with him. "Mommy?" Innocent eyes peer up at her as she strokes his hair. "Are you sad?"

The question made her heart hurt, she never wanted to be sad in front of him but she should have known, he was always very perceptive. "I'm a little bit sad, yeah. Missing your Uncle Jayden a lot today." It wasn't a lie, and she obviously wasn't going to tell her four-year-old child about her breakup. "It's okay to be sad sometimes, as long as you know how to make yourself happy again, and I do, so don't worry." Nodding, she wasn't sure that part was quite true, not as things stood. "How do you do that?" He asks, making her laugh softly. "Well, I just look at you and all that sadness goes away. You know what I always tell you, I'm the luckiest mommy in the world to have a baby as kind and loving as you. But it's late, so close your eyes and dream nice dreams. I love you." Leaning forward to kiss his head, she waits for him to say it back and gently leaves the room, door ajar just how he liked it.

As soon as he was out of sight, she has her hands pressed over her mouth, silencing the hiccup and quickly making her way to her room. Washing up and getting into her pj's, she's surprised when she sees her mom still here, waiting for her on the sofa. "Now that your baby is settled, let me settle mine..." Patting a hand on the sofa, Alara looks between her and the spot, wary, almost timid. She didn't want to break, but damn, it didn't matter how old she got, a mother's influence was always the instinctive way to run. And so, she grabs a blanket and walks over, settling herself closely by her side, head on her shoulder and arm around her front, allowing her mother to just be there and hold her.

"Jayden was never wrong about this, can't beat one of your hugs." Smiling as she sits up, she doesn't bother to hide the sad defeat in her eyes, instead, she just shrugs. "Nate and I are done. He'd rather spiral than lean on me. I tried, but... It's pretty impossible to fight for someone who doesn't want to be fought for." The corners of her eyes crease as she tries to say it with a calm tone. As soon as she hears her mom say she's sorry, she shakes her head, trying to tell her she didn't really have anything else to say, except maybe... "You know what the worst part is? I never forgot how crap this feels, I broke my own promise never to put myself back in a position where I can be hurt because... I managed to convince myself that this time, it wouldn't end with tears."

And in a gesture to her own, she scoffs a sad half-laugh and tries to swallow the lump in her throat. She appreciates that her mom gives her the time to talk without interrupting, the squeeze on her arm is comforting enough without making her feel crowded. "Maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship. Some people aren't, and that's fine. I was happy by myself, I can be that way again." Nodding, "Yeah. It's fine. I'm- I'll be fine." Maybe if she said it enough, she would actually start to believe it. "Alara..." That soft tone of a concerned mother had her sucking in a breath as she shakes her head. "Don't. Please, just don't. I don't need you to say anything." She practically insists, misty brown eyes lifting up to hers only to close with a shaky sigh. "Okay, sweetie. I won't. But you should go get me some pajamas because I'll be staying here tonight." Her mom says, lifting a hand up to Alara's cheek, hoping that she wouldn't protest. Truthfully, she didn't have the energy, and not being alone sounded far better. "Thank you."

[searchingforuseromi]

—tragic lesbians

kokosara; cw: war. this is one of my more favorite replies because i heart women.

word count: 1,107

(1)

Dusk meets dawn; moonlight over the beautiful ocean being washed away by molten gold. Neither looking away as the battle raged on around them, it seems as if they were trapped in a forcefield: prohibiting outsiders entrance.

All is silent and still, the only sight these two have is of each other. Neither look away; looking away means defeat, and yet the screaming of a fallen soldier has Sara glancing away for only a moment. But one moment means everything on the battlefield. One moment can determine life or death—can determine success or failure; love or hate.

Sara prides herself in being the All Mighty Shogun's sword. Blood needs veins to reach the heart; sacrifices are the veins that keep war alive.

She knows this, her treacherous heart knows this too. The human heart is a fickle thing, wanting what it cannot have—feeling what it must not feel. Stuck in some sort of weird limbo as she sees her soldier fall down. Her soldier who is so young and full of life, one who was so excited to serve his country, dying before he even had a chance. Sara forces herself to not learn any of their names; names are where memories are held and yet—

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀…

There's laughter filling the dining hall, clinks of wooden cups smashing together in celebration. They're all happy, anyone would be happy to be accepted to serve their country—front lines and all. Even more so when new recruits with promising potential enter their ranks. Their cheers cover up the sound of heels upon the floorboards, coming closer before stopping at their table.

"What is the meaning of this?" The stern voice cuts everything off, the music stops momentarily and everyone stills.

"Oh! Lady Kujou Sara! We're here celebrating the new recruit who'll be joining us!" A young boy, no older than 18, is pushed to the front. He has a strong build yet a kind face—she didn't want him in her trope, much less the war.

"And what's this recruit's name?"

"Oh, I'm—"

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀...

Making her way to the training grounds she can't help but sigh, it's been so chaotic lately. The Shogun has been sending them out so often that her soldiers haven't been given time to rest. War has sacrifices, yes, but what good are needless sacrifices that could have easily been prevented? She knows she mustn't question her Majesty, whatever she's doing now must have all been planned in advance.

Entering the training grounds she's met with the sound of someone already occupying it. That's strange, everyone should be sleeping right now. Walking further in she readies her bow only to see the new recruit, sighing in relief she lowers her weapon.

"You should be asleep right now." It seems like he wasn't expecting anyone to come here by the way he jolted. Looking over he chuckles, scratching the back of his head in clear embarrassment.

"Everyone else is so strong! I have to train more if I want to catch up..." His face is solemn, no hint of the prior joy and excitement of joining the front lines.

"In order to get better your body needs rest. If you choose to ignore your body's needs I have no choice but to stop you from going to war." It's like a flip has been switched, where the young man's eyes are wide and frightened as he looks at her.

"Please... Please don't! I need this! You can't send me away! I'm begging you!" He's sobbing, distress clear in his speech, not even realizing he's clinging onto his general. He's shaking, so so terrified of having to leave.

"If you want to stay you must take care of your body, understand? That means sleeping when it tells you to sleep and eating when it tells you to eat." The young man—boy really—lifts his face up, his arms still holding tightly onto Sara.

"Yes ma'am, thank you! I'll make sure to take better care of myself."

"Good. One more thing though, why is staying in the military—staying in the war, so important to you?" The boy looks away, a small smile upon his face yet joy isn't the reason for it being there.

"Well I—"

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀...

Footsteps rush through the hall, making their way to the nurse's room. Breathing labored as Sara opens the door and spots the young boy from before. She moves to stand next to him, his body—that's not meant for war yet was trained that way—lay broken and battered on the bed.

His eyelids open at the slamming of the door, eyes glancing up to meet hers. He has a smile on his face, not unlike the one many nights ago.

"Did you come here to scold me?" His voice is soft—weak. He sounds so tired, like all he wants right now is to fall asleep.

"Not quite. I was... worried. When I didn't see you in the lineup coming back I thought—"

"Ah, that would be worrying, wouldn't it?" He laughs gently, and it's so full of hope that Sara laughs as well. The boy is surprised at first, but smiles at her.

"Well, you see I'm all okay, or well, I'm alive." Alive, he's alive, that's all that matters right now.

"I'm glad."

"Me too."

"I know you were talking before about you not—and I just wanted you to know that if—so how would you like it—"

He smiles, full of joy and hope; a promise of a new beginning.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀...

Sometimes dreams are made from nothing but hope and joy. Dreams are distant realities far beyond our reach, and yet still we try to reach out to them.

You were no one, came from nothing and wanted to show the world you could have everything. I wanted to allow your dream to prosper, but in doing so, did I kill you? Your blood will forever be on my hands. You may have been no one, you may have had no one. You never even had a name to store your soul, and so I'll keep your memory alive. The name and memories and dreams that only you and I are privy to—

—Kujou Ayumu; rest in peace.

(2)

When you watch someone run at you with a knife, you—motionless—as the knife plunges into flesh. It still hurts, does it not? The same way, when you know you're going to be betrayed, the pain is still there.

Even though Sara knew this was a part of her plan, knew it had to be done. Is it wrong to feel disappointed that it went flawlessly? Just once she wished she was wrong, but she'll keep that wish to herself.

[noxtivagus]

no way october's in a few days

[thisdreamplace]

Hi darling <3

Ok I have lots of questions and I really need your help :))

I have some fundamental problems about the basics of loa , they say know what you want then assume and persist. Ok but I don't get it!? Like how should I assume or how should I change my assumptions about different concepts or problems in life while I have lived with them my whole life , how can I change my mindset?

And Ok after this step how am I supposed to know that the process is on track? Like how can I find out that my assumptions have successfully changed or shifted?

Also what should we do with all of these negative thoughts and doubts? There are these voices in the back of my head that just don't shut up :/ it's like thay are on repeat and whenever I want to think positively they start all over again that : no you can't do anything or be anything , you always fail ...

And when it comes to belief , I have a 50 / 50 kind of belief . I have manifested stuff before but yk stuff like chocolates , coffee , snacks and signs but when it comes to shifting or getting into void my brain goes crazy and voices start all over again but they become even worse some times : no these are impossible, you can only manifest normal stuff , you are not really that powerful, lol you really thought you are God?

Have you seen people who have manifested even with doubts? I have created this belief for myself recently that you can't do anything unless you believe in it completely and whole heartedly but now I feel like it's more like making obstacle for me so now everyone who have first shifted didn't even have a little doubt? Idk it's bugging me sm .

Oh also another thing , they say affirm but mehhhh I don't feel good about affirming like it sounds so fake and weird to me , I was affirming that yes you are God, you can absolutely shift in seconds but you know I caught myself telling myself well you have never shifted stop fooling yourself you are not gonna shift anywhere you are stuck in your bad life and bad circumstances.

Do you have anyway on how to make the feeling of knowing? It seems like I can't just know or make the feeling of knowing no matter what . I'm in this endless loop of trying to understand and apply law and run away from this life but it seems like it's never gonna finish and I'm getting tired of myself.

Ok I'm so sorry this was soooo long I just didn't know who should I ask :) you are the only person who talks in an understandable way .

Thank you in advance for answering ❤

hi bestie <3

u can change ur mindset bc ur not actually tied to it. the only reason why ur mindset persists, is bc u persist in it. it’s ur habit, and now ur practicing a new habit until it becomes ur default habit !

the only way u know the process is on track is by knowing ur inner world. don’t be fooled — the outer world doesnt validate u. u validate you, and the quicker u can accept this the less heartache you’ll have on this journey. so yeah. yk ur assumptions are working bc suddenly ur not the same person as before — now ur the person who believes in ur assumptions.

the doubting/fearful voices in ur head will be faced so imo facing them head on did the trick but some people rather just focus entirely on the new state and let the fears come up on their own. choose ur style. lol either way, u won’t be able to push them down forever so just keep that in mind. when its time to face it u just breathe, feel the uncomfy/painful feelings, and let it be. the big thing is no longer identifying with it and just letting it pass thru u instead. consistently listening to doubtful thoughts is a choice. u actually don’t have to. they can be there but u don’t have to care what they say. keep that in mind.

yeah ofc, people have manifested with some doubts. not fully doubtful though. but i remember once reading, “in every state there is room for some doubts/fears” so that’s smth u can reassure urself on the harder moments.

to ur last point, just realize it’s a daily practice as well as a daily choice. take the month to get offline and stop looking for info on the law and learn to apply it urself. wish i could tell u how to get to a state of knowing but if you’ve been around you would know everyone says smth different and no one is wrong bc it works for them… so find what works for you :D get some hobbies that arent centered around the law so u dont spend sm time wanting to look at the content about the law. and yeah, practice daily. don’t even try to tell urself u don’t know what to do bc you’d be lying to urself at this point and honesty with oneself is a huge important part of the law. even if u feel weird or like ur missing smth, that’s just the fear talking to try and keep u stagnant. learn to build trust in urself and the choices u make. the most important foundation is self confident/belief/trust and that happens in daily practice, not by reading a post about how to do it.

i hope this helps <3 good luck on ur journey !!

[aphrodite1288]

This is not about kadi so if you don't want to answer I would understand. Have you ever had information that surprised you? Something you can't believe? Related to kpop idols, actors or ent industry?

That Jongdae didn't want to have a child at this young age and in the beginning of his Solo career! But once it happened he was so accepting and so understanding! He married his GF becoz he loved her and accepted her pregnancy with open arms even though that brought him so much hate! But he protected her and never let the bad words reach her he is a shield to her and his baby 🍼 But the baby was not planned! when the girl is born he loved her with all his heart and she is so spoiled i saw her she is so cute and has Jongdae's lips 👄. I recently saw Jongdae's footage with his wife and daughter at Apujongreodo entering the mall, he was holding his baby and his wife was holding the baby bag! And they went shopping and got back into his fancy black car.

All Exo members are smoking some stopped but most of them not!

That Sehun is not a happy person and he has more dark thoughts that what y'all see. He hasn't had the best childhood like yall thought. I won't say more i don't want to interfere his private life and expose it. So please Love him and give him a lot of support! He is lovely and he thinks he is useless in the band and members always cheer him up but he needs to hear it from his fans! That's why he is working harder and attending vocalization lessons with Baekhyun and chanyeol's voice tuning teacher and y'all can tell his singing skills has improved from the DFTF ALBUM!!! PLEASE GIVE HIM LOTS OF LOVE!, He is working hard for his fans to be proud of him! He needs reassurance!

That BAEKHYUN is so attached to ExoL! He is so scared of losing them and being forgotten when he comes back from military. He has these doubts and he talked about it with everyone he knew! Even His Fans! Yes he calls his fans and talks to them!

That BAEKHYUN often calls his fansites' masternims and fans he trusts and they chit-chat a lot!! He is close with them!! He asks them about everything related to Exo if they enjoyed the albums, the songs, his Solo etc.. he asks them if he should improve on something, he asks them to tell him if he lacks something in his latest performances! He even calls his fans to chitchat for hours about what content he should post on youtube ! He asks his closest fans to check what other Exol want him to do! And if they're satisfied with his hard work! And if he made the proud ! He discusses everything that bothers him with some of his fansites and trustworthy fans! ALSO He talks to fans about their struggles and he cheers them up! And buys them gifts during their birthdays yes he remembers their bdays!

That BAEKHYUN loaned money to a fan when she called him saying she needed money! He even paid surgery for a fan!

Sehun often pays meals for Exol secretly before leaving the restaurants or Coffee shops especially when he couldn't sign for them !

That Seungri wasn't the one to be blamed in the burning sun but all evidence was against him and he was played ( I don't know abt this, i don't defend any man who assaulted women as a feminist myself i can't come to terms with believing this but i saw a lot of ppl saying it!)

That BP members are jealous of Jen for getting all the brands and the commercials, which YG ent solved and started distributing solo projects to the other members and asking sponsors to not only focus on Jen and suggesting them the other members! Now we see other members promoting for famous fashion, cosmetics, sports and make up brands, while before, they were jobless and only Jenn who was getting all the money and roles and brands and was the only member active for two years 2018/2019 and even the first one and the yongest to have the earliest solo debut only after 2 years of debuting with her band, i mean a rookie shouldn't get a solo until they skill their singing and acting! But Jenn's potential was big and she has tons of fans that's why YG wanted money so took advantage of her epitome fame to debut her to get cash🤑💰 Jenn didn't like her members being left out and she talked to them about this a lot. This subject of members being jelaous of her bothered her and at a certain period caused their dinamics to go down in the band. She saw them changing and she saved the issue from getting worse by talking to YG coz she truly loved her members.

Jenn is more perverted than what ppl think, she knows a lot of guys and she is very loved by everyone. She is Nice! But she is not innocent! SHE DATES A LOT! ONLY HOT and Tall wealthy GUYS ! MODELS and ULZZANGS! Her mom and dad are in the industry that's why she gets everything she wants and she does work hard for it though! But the opportunities mostly come at her through her parents ! She is very spoiled baby girl.

Kaistal are close friends i mean i saw their pics together and they're still friends and they're still talking and Ji supported her so much when she left SM also he is still supporting her Solo career as an actress now, he texts her to support her works and to give her his opinions, Krystal trusts him a lot he protected her and helped her a lot before! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ksoo hid his relationship with Ji from his Fam for a long time??

Kaisoo kissed during a truth or dare game when Ji lost and had to kiss Kyungsoo on the lips and Ksoo didn't object it was from before debut! I guess that's when the members knew they were in love?? I don't know abt this! I'm not sure. But it's a possible probability.

Chanbaek did kiss but it was not during a truth or dare game, it was Chanyeol who shocked Baekhyun by kissing him on the lips to shush him down 🤫

Chanbaek living together coz baek is a clean freak and can't stay with many ppl in one place he is a private introvert who loves to stay alone and play videogames! And chanyeol granted him this wish and invited him to live in his house for 2years or more i don't remember 🤷🏻‍♀️

SUHO dated Two members of Apink

Jongdae dated one member of Apink!

Exo are so so close with APink!

Luhan had a crush on Chorong from APink!

Sehun is close with Oh Hayong of Apink! Coz they have the same last name!! He is still close to her and supports her a lot, she is close with Suho too! And all other APink members! Sehun is also close to Gugudan.

Taeyeon loved Baekhyun truly and their breakup left a scar on her heart! She hates men now hahaha I hope she gets to find the love of her life she deserves happiness please give her much support! I want her to be dating Ravi he is a softie and will treat her well!

Yeri of RV is a playgirl she is so bold and asks guys out when she likes them! I love her for that! Girl power! But she is so nice!!!

A lot of news about BTS their Gfs their Exes with Pictures and all their dating history, their toxic company overworking them etc... But I'm not too interested in BTS these things came to me I didn't ask for them🤷🏻‍♀️ lucky? IDK maybe.

And many many many more things. I just can't list everything

I don't know if I answered your question! But that's all that came to my mind! Some things may not be too shocking it surprising or unbelievable like you asked but still they're precious secrets and gave them to y'all for free!

[zekejeagrs]

Hi friend! This is mha-adore; I'm on my main blog because my mha blog is a side blog and I can't send a question from that blog. Just to prove it's me - you came to me asking about a matchup exchange and I asked you to explain what it is and I agreed, and the day after I wrote my side matching you with Shoto, and in our personal messages your recent message is, "I'm so excited to do your matchup!" something to that idea. I hope that's enough to prove it's me.

I'm asking for a matchup with mha please.

I'm a quiet and well mannered person who strives to appeal to everyone I meet. I happen to have a personality disorder and as such, some people get a different idea of who I am. I consider myself friendly but emotionally distant, a friend of mine has accused me of not caring at all because I'm naturally a distant person. I'm mostly very respectful and try to avoid any conflict or fights, but the moment someone insults or fights a friend of mine or my partner I drop my friendly exterior and hone in on the person, insulting them, spilling any tea I know about them, I say whatever comes to mind that I know will make them feel terrible, and I end it by stomping on their foot. With close friends or my partner I'm more talkative - not loud or boisterous, just more talkative. I insert my opinions more, I hold a conversation and I openly give my thoughts about different topics without worrying that I'll upset them.

I'm a trans male who uses he/him and they/them pronouns; I'm pansexual. I'm 19 and a Leo sun, Aquarius moon, Virgo rising. The only characters I don't feel comfortable being matched with are Endeavor, Dabi and All Might.

My hobbies involve drawing (I'm working on a comic), I love to play both Pokemon and Animal Crossing, I enjoy writing fan fiction, studying and playing card games. (Like Old Maid, Go Fish, Crazy 8s, Blackjack, Solitaire, you get the idea.)

My love language is to show my love in subtle ways. Cooking someone a meal they love without being asked to, spending time with them doing whatever they want, giving them hand made gifts and giving them cute pet names like love bug, sweetheart, sweet tea (a different way of saying sweetie). I offer genuine advice to them, even if I know it'll hurt or upset them. I want the best for my partner, even if it means taking the path of most resistance. I want someone who can aim an arrow into my heart. I look for someone who shares my taste in music and who will listen to music we both enjoy together. I like the area of Melanie Martinez, Billie Eilish, Ricky Montgomery, lofi beats and some of the older country music, like from the 80s and 90s. Generic, I know.

As for anything specific, perhaps my matchup's opinion on having children? I'd really like to have a child someday.

Thank you again so much for the matchup exchange offer, it's very kind of you 💗

— matchup exchange

ty sm again for doing this exchange with me! you seem so nice i’m v down to be mutuals/friends with you (only if you want ofc)! also, what would your quirk be? i’m v interested in what it would be since i mentioned what mine would be on my submission to you. i hope you enjoy your match! 

i match you with...

fatgum

| hi yes i matched you with a human marshmallow. one of the reasons why i matched you with taishiro is because of the difference in your personalities and the way he would work well with your personality because of how much he cares. the way you’d meet him would probably be by working at his office. he’d find you to be so sweet that he wants to get to know you better. he actually doesn’t mind how proper and emotionally distant you are because he understands that everyone is different and present themselves differently.

| you’d take some time to open up to him and become friends but he’s completely fine with that! he understands reserved people because of tamaki & only wants you to feel comfortable around him. because of that,,, taishiro definitely always starts the conversations. “how’s your day?” “what did you do over the weekend?” “what did you think of that movie?” once you become more talkative with him and have your conversations, he’d be so happy because he sees it as a new level of friendship.

| that’s when he starts realizing he actually has a crush on you. he’d confess at the end of a long work day and explain that he’d like to be your partner,, “i really enjoy your company and i want to be your partner for a long time- oh i just realized what i said, only if you also want to be my partner- or i mean would like to give me a chance to prove myself-“ idk how he managed to get himself out of that one but it would end with you accepting to have dinner at his house.

| like i’ve said before, taishiro doesn’t mind that you’re emotionally distant. he knows you care and just show it differently than others. the first time he saw you angry at someone he was very scared & shocked because he’s never seen you that way before. he just stood behind you as you absolutely slaughtered the person you were angry at and watched with wide eyes before trying to diffuse the situation. he asked if you were okay and that it wasn’t a big deal that that person was insulting him but he expressed how grateful he was for you standing up for him. he never wants to see you like that again but he’s glad he got to see every part you.

| HE IS VERY RESPECTFUL ABOUT PRONOUNS!! that was probably the first thing he asked you! “oh! he/him and they/them? i go by he/him too!” he’d even write it down to remember because he doesn’t want to make any mistakes or offend anyone.

| taishiro would be so supportive of your comic! he’d check up on you when you’re working on it and bring you cut fruit and water. he’d genuinely be so interested in your drawings and writings— he’s not artistic so seeing it come so easily to someone would be so cool to him. he’d only read and look at what you’re comfortable with sharing though! if you ever ask for any creative help, he’d be 100% down to help you. he comes up with the coolest ideas too and you wonder why he says he’s not artistic.

| on his days off you guys either stay indoors and play animal crossing or walk around and collect pokémon. his island would be so messy so he’d always try to copy your island. island visits & he always leave you gifts. he’d have so many pokémon because he plays when he’s on parole (oops!). he’d jokingly brag about it to you and would offer to take you with him next time but he doesn’t want you to get hurt. he seems like the type to be secretly very good at card games?? he’d just surprise you with how good and competitive he is when you play together and with other people.

| taishiro listens to old country music. he knows every lyric to every dolly parton song and sings when he thinks he’s alone. you’d have to introduce him to your other favorite artists & he’d absolutely love their songs! ricky montgomery makes him cry a little but he’s fine! he swears! even though there’s tears rolling down face!

| PLEASE COOK HIM FOOD! the first time you cook him food to show your love he just blushes and smiles the whole time. he can’t. HE CAN’T! HE JUST LOVES YOU SO MUCH ALREADY HOW IS IT POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO LOVE YOU EVEN MORE??? every other food is ruined for him after you cook for him because your cooking is the absolute best to him.

| he’d love the small gifts you give him, he’d treasure every single one of them and display them around the house. sweet tea would be a perfect pet name for him- he loves it so much. he’d call you love bug in return and cook you dinner and give you small gifts. he’s definitely an acts of service and quality time guy. just being in the same room as you doing separate work is good enough for him. your presence just soothes him and he has a blast!

| taishiro values your opinions very much. he always tries to be the best partner for you and listen to you because you have so much insight. he also trusts you so much and knows you mean well when giving him advice. he just loves you so much, he doesn’t want to disappoint!

his opinion on having children

| he basically already adopted tamaki & kirishima, of course he wants kids!

| you’d have to be the one to bring it up because he doesn’t want to seem like he’s forcing you into anything.

| he’s so relieved once you do bring it up though! “yes! i want to have a family with you!”

| it doesn’t matter if you have them biologically, adopt, or have a surrogate— he loves his child so much and cried because he was so overwhelmed with love and finally being a dad.

| he’d be the best dad! (although a bit clueless) he wouldn’t imagine having a family with anyone other than you. you’re just perfect for him.

| he’d also ask if you could adopt a dog

| he is so protective over his family too. if anything were to happen to either of you, he would be so upset because you’re his life.

| overall, taishiro would try to give you and the child the best life!

i hope you enjoyed! pls lmk if anything is inaccurate or if you want me to make it longer.

@mha-adore @space-cowbop

[lie---ability]

facebook really out here pissin me off 😃 bitch i know ok i know BUT I DON'T WANT TO. but at this point sobrang undeniable na. sucks though. but fucken facts. so what if we're click in other things but we can't suffer? ***i can't suffer. he likes to rebuttal that only i can suffer when really, between us almost every suffering is about him even if it isn't. i'm there when he suffers, but when i suffer, in his own way he drives the situation to it being his suffering. he makes my suffering his because i suffer. he suffers when i suffer, and in return i have to console him while i don't get anything. and telling him this problem will piss him off. to tell him this will shift his face into this expression i fucking hate. DESPISE EVEN. this face made of immaturity, stubbornness, emotional stupidity, hollowness and just... fucking fucked up mess of a person. when i get anxious, he tells me has a lot on his mind already. it could be his fucking job (not the company or people, just him having a fucking job), his family, being in a condo, or for what fucking reason! SO MANY REASONS. like FUCK? YOU CHOSE THIS LIFE! YOU DID. NOT ME. NOT YOUR OFFICE, NOT YOUR FUCKING FAMILY, YOU DID. you fucking chose this company, you chose this industry, you chose to follow Toti around, you chose to get high-paying positions which require a lot of work, you chose that. Same way you chose to live alone in a condo because you chose to never fix your relationship with anyone in your family. You chose to reject them over and over. You chose to never ask your brother how he is, or ask him why he no longer wants a job. You chose to ignore your mother's cancer, the way you chose to not reach out to the only sibling who's trying to keep you all together. YOU CHOSE THAT. YOU CHOSE TO KEEP BREAKING YOURSELF AND YOU CHOSE TO HAVE ME. YOU CHOSE TO HAVE A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND WITH FUCKING ANXIETY AND ISSUES. YOU CHOSE TO BOTHER ME. YOU CHOSE TO START A LIFE WITH ME. AND YOU ALSO CHOSE TO DIE WITH YOUR 7 YEAR OLD SELF WHICH RUINED OUR FUCKING RELATIONSHIP. YOU CHOSE THAT OVER AND OVER FOR MONTHS AND NOW WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING. YOU CHOSE TO RUIN THE LAST GOOD RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE LEFT BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T ACT YOUR FUCKING AGE. Rational? Thinking over emotions? NAH WE WERE WRONG. What you are is cold and hollow. You think than feel not because of reason but because you don't want to feel. You don't wanna go through the truth. You process things in the coldest ways possible. You reason out not with logic but to avoid having to feel the pain of the situation. You never used logic. It was just pure selfishness. How you were logical with me wasn't you being a thinker, it was you trying to get me. The same way how you """logically""" handle our problems, NOT WITH LOGIC BUT TO FULFILL YOUR SELFISHNESS and that is through hurtful words and avoidance. You're not a rational person, because if you were you wouldn't talk so much shit out of spite and out of misuse of emotions. The arguments and whole other shit you say are just wordplays for "I'm hurt. I don't like what happened and I can't admit it". I am sooo sick of your "I can't handle you right now cuz *reasons reasons reasons*" like THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE FOR?!? Why are you my fucking partner?!?!? If we're here only for the good days then let's be fucking friends BUT EVEN FRIENDS NEED EACH OTHER ON BAD DAYS SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TO ANYONE?!?!? If you can't be on anyone's bad days, what the fuck are you doing in their lives?!? for Matt's free groceries? PHP 500 gifts?!? for his stupid gameplays for you to laugh at?!? and what about me? so you can say you go out on dates? that you have a girl? so you can spend Christmas and new year away from home? someone to distract you from your loneliness? Fucked up is what you are. I asked Jesus for someone stronger than me, not someone way less human than I was.

SO SICK OF EVERYTHING BEING ABOUT YOU. YOU ARE THE REASON WHY I STOPPED WANTING PSYCHOLOGY BECAUSE I THINK AT THIS POINT I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH BROKEN PEOPLE IN MY PERSONAL LIFE, THE FUCK AM I DOING TO EVEN MAKE A CAREER OUT OF IT? Ano yun? 24/7 depression? I go home from my depressing clients to a husband and my friends with shitload bags too? Plus I can't imagine having you anymore if I did have that career. What if a client I loved decided to end herself? Would you be there with me? You'd say yes lol BUT I SOOO DOUBT AT THIS POINT. You can't even help me with simple anxiety episodes. What more the big problems? In short you're just emotionally unavailable. As a friend, and more so as lover. Do you even have the slightest idea how much I love you? I doubt because the things I could and would do, you think are superficial. But no, they happen to a lot of people. REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL FEELINGS. PEOPLE WHO LOVE OTHER PEOPLE AND NOT JUST FOR DISPLAY. The social media, the surprises, the huddles until 5am because one of them is sad, the sacrifices, the choosing between people, the petty fights they have to sit through, and alllll the things you think are shitload of crap. These things are called love. They are shit you do to keep someone, something you don't understand and almost 2 years of having each other to this day, still don't understand.

Whatever your parents did and whoever they were, you don't deserve to live this life through the eyes of Rikko when he was 8 years old. Most importantly, no one deserves to meet a 24 year old you and experience that same child. I'm so tired. I love you, for who you are, and for the things you were before. When I looked at you at SM Aura, I knew that as long as this person right here stayed this way, he can be other things. As long as you stay loving and thoughtful, you can be as ambitious or competitive, and not in a good way. As long as you will keep trying to ground me and silence my anxieties, you can get mad and upset in all the ways you like (physical abuse excluded). As long as you keep wanting to have a relationship with my friends and family, you can change and change as much as you like because I will choose you over and over again. I will keep accepting and loving you always in all ways.

But to my luck, that person died. And all you did from then on is change and not in a good way.

[rage-against-the-meyer]

Breaking Dawn (2008)

So, I've reviewed the other Twilight Saga books already, but I promiss you, this is gonna be the worst one yet. I must admit, as a 13-year-old girl this was my favorite book (don't kill me yet). I was growing up in a Dutch small Christian town that had had a big infuence on my views. In my mind, it was perfectly logical that the story ends with a child against all odd. As a grown-up Biomedical scientist, this does not go anymore. As such, I now view Breaking Dawm as the absolute worst one yet and here, I will tell you exactly why.

Breaking Dawn is a big fat book that consists of three different books. I will discuss the books seperately in fear that it might be too much otherwise.

Part I from Bella's point of view

It's no surprise that I actually do like this book. We get 6 chapters of sheer happiness and joy. Very much Edward/Bella intimacy and they finally have sex (woohoo). So what can I bitch about?

Well, actually not too much. I loved the wedding, the secret goodbyes (yes, I cried). I just believe that after the first 6 chapters Bella should have struggled with the decission to change instead of the pregnancy. Yes, Chapter 7 is the cursed chapter for me. It's the onset of all pending misery. Also, it is the first time that menstruations are mentioned and the weak excuse SM gave to explain the never-having-killed-her-due-to-smelling-period-blood on Edwards part is just that, weak. So, all-in-all, I hated this chapter but what comes after is exceedingly worse.

Part II from Jacob's point of view

I hate Jacob. That much hasn't changed. I hated the cold Jacob that is so prominent here very very much. Personal sun my ass. I have always loathed this POV but it offers us some interesting views on the wolves and the Quileute people. It was good to see the communication between the wolves, but it was also nonsense. The big difference between you can't hide what you think and thinking in directed full sentences became a blurry line that never really made sense to me. What was good about it, is that we saw how pure Seth's mind is and how deeply hurt and actually good Leah is. Seth, a mere teenager, is objectively one of the purest characters I have ever read and that's on that. The faint influence of the coming Gen Z was shimmering through in his defiance of made boundaries in communication: Seth saw the good in the Cullens and defied his tribes prejudice. Good for him. Leah, of course, is one of the most denied characters in the series. Such a fierce young woman that has suffered so much is the only character that does not get redemption. It is absolutely outrageous and I agree with many that it shows SMs prejudice against women of colour. She gets literally nothing. She stands on her own in a group of men that mock her for her guard as she has to suffer through knowing her ex's love for his new love. Then, of course, she cannot have children and she gets no love interests. To through all these (in SMs mind) limitations only at one of the few POC is not great. I do like the fact that Leah and Jacob become closer and that Leah cares most for Seth. It's not enough, though. Leah should have gotten the trip to go to college somewhere far away, paid for by the Cullens out of sheer gratitude. She should have everything and all but through Bella's (read: SMs) mind she is still depicted as sad, lonely and bitter. To show a woman's anger like that is straight up misogynistic. Great start.

Jacob's story skips so many valuable parts of Bella's story, which we have been focussing on until now, and it makes so little sense that Jacob would be there for all the important interactions.

In Jacob's part, some shocking facts become clear. As a biomedical scientist, I have been holding back the outrageousness of this one: the chromosomes.

Vampires are frozen in time; after the change, their bodies don't change anymore. They also don't grow new or longer hairs, new teeth, anything. They are frozen in time. Curiously, they still have a need to feed (blood) and their consumption influences four things: their thirst, the colour of their eyes, their strength and their behaviour. I will tell you why this makes absolutely no sense. In humans, we feed for much the same reasons: we don't get hungry, we stay alive, become stronger and we are nicer when we aren'r hungry. This influence is exerted by the distribution of food molecules throughout the body; to the brain, to the muscles, the organs, you name it. Vampires don't have blood, their distribution of food molecules would be so slow that it would take days if not weeks for the molecules to get to the eyes or the brain. We know vampires aren't mushy inside to increase the distribution so how does it work? It eludes me, I'll tell you. Also, every part of the vampire body is supposed to be solid. Where does the liqud from the blood go? A human averagely holds 5 litres of blood. That is a lot. And since the body doesn't change, where does the liquid go? Aside from the distribution, it makes even less sense that any of these factors should be influenced by anything at all. It is likely that vampires still have cells, their bodies still need to create impulses, movements, talk etc. But their bodies don't changes anymore, so after the change the cells stop producing hair molecules? Why don't the hairs drop anymore? It is so dumb that SM suggested a certain balance between the actiond that continue and actions that don't. We still move the muscles but they can't grow anymore but the cells in the muscle stay active?? This brings me to the chromosomes.

So, Carlisle has tested human, vampire and werewolf (without consent) blood. He found that vampires have 25 chromosome pairs, werewolves 24 and humans 23 chromosome pairs. His findings and his tone suggest that he attributes all the vampire qualities to the 2 extra chromosomes. Now, with everything that I have just explained, I see no possiblity behind that. The venom of a vampire just adds two pairs of chromosomes to your cells? One from your mother and one from your dad? And then, these chromosomes are able to pinpoint exactly with genes to silence and which to activate and that is enough to make your skin hard as granite? No way. The body makes strong pieces, but still the strongest is the teeth. Strong but not as strong as SM thinks.

All-in-all this science is straight up the biggest fucking bullshit I have ever seen. There is just no logic behind the logic SM gave. It doesn't stop here, though. No. I am 100% convinced that SM has not had any sex talk ever in her life. She started with Edward's 100-year-old sperm being vital enough to produce a baby. This sperm is saved at approxomately the temperature of a rock/as cold as ice. This is far far far too high a temperature to preserve sperm cells for long, let alone a 100 years. So, No. No, again. Then, Edward's dick is magically able to get hard without any liquids in the body? No. And THEN, his human sperm cells (human but also vampire?) are able to make a zygote with Bella's egg cell??? A zygote with 24 (!!!) chromosome pairs???? So, it's one of each of Bella's, one of each of Edward's and then just one of the two vampire pairs?????? No. Nah-ah.

I haven't been this vocal about any of my other issues, including racism and other forms of discrimination. Somehow, I have accepted that these concepts come from very well-preserved ideas and I can plainly discuss this matter. However, the pain Stephenie Meyer has put me through as a scientist is still very unknown to me and it annoys me to the core.

I suppose, while I'm on the matter, I should address the elephant in the room. Resumé. Renesue is the embodiment of everything Bella didn't need. The book should have ended before the pregnancy. A story of a woman that found a love in a vampire and she needed nothing else in her life but him. This was the story we were promissed. And then, SM takes her turn to make the last non-conservative woman in the book a mother (her being a mother will come later).

In conclusion, this part stretched every nerve in my body and made me cringe so hard I felt sick.

Part III from Bella's point of view

I'm not gonna lie, I have been pretty dark about the last part. But I LOVE Bella as a vampire. The tranquil chapters where she learns everything about being a vampire made me confident I wanted to be one. I loved Bella more confident and comfortable. I loved the new ease between Bella and Edward. Tranquil, as I said.

Of course, these chapters are overshadowed in part by Rususme. I don't mind the child. It seems nice enough - SM made it pure. But Bella is not a very caring mother. She meets her daugther and then, both Edward and her really don't mind her. They have no urge to be with her and have no trouble letting her go. They go have sex the whole night instead of looking at Relsume's dreams. Then, there is the fact that all tense and loaden discussions are held in the presence of the exceptionally perceiving child. Edward can SEE that she understands tensions. It's so fucking dumb. It really bothered me the last time I read it, maybe because I've matured or maybe because I didn't really care the first time.

When it comes to the final battle approaching, I enjoyed that. I loved Alice's plan. I like the Volturi and their grand dramatic scheming and such. I loved the new characters very much. I think they added a whole new demension to the story. I would have been there for Edward and Bella traveling around the world meeting these people with the oncoming thread of genocide for a child as well though. Of course, the racism is back. The Amazonian and Egyptian vampires are so blatantly racistly described. In that aspect, the movie deserves way more credit for giving us the straight up prettiest actors ever to cover this.

Wrongness continues as Jacob imprints (as the second wolf) in an infant. I know some people see no issue with this. SM tried to make it clear that it was just about her happiness by letting Edward see that Jacob wasn't thinking sexually about his equivalent-of-a-three-year-old child. I mean. Looking at this logically, it's disgusting and there is no changing my mind. Personally, I feel Jacob could have imprinted on any other female character (with the exception of Leah). For all I care it was a 35-year-old woman. But, reversed pedophilia (Jacob was still underage) isn't fun for SM so she sticks with what she knows.

I think I have adressed my most important issues. Please inform me if I've missed any. As usual, I urge you to inform yourself on the Quileut Tribe as it is and donate to them for SM has wronged and exploited them.

The Quileute Tribe

Information:

Donation:

TLDR: I curse Stephenie Meyer for creating that incredibly stupid child as a way to project Jacob's love to something of Bella. Please inform yourself on the Quileute Tribe and donate to them via the links above; SM has wronged them.

As a final note, I am a biomedical scientist at heart. I am always interested in a challenging topic, so fire away.

[rage-against-the-meyer]

New Moon (2006)

Previously, I have done a book review on Twilight from my newly gained perspective after a recent read. I shall proceed with the next book: New Moon. Now, New Moon used to be my most hated book. I resented it. I suffered through the first 200 or so pages just to get to the good part, which in return was exceptionally good (I'll probably come to this). This book was coloured by a very big issue for me: there was no Edward. This opinion has not changed. I still cannot grasp the logic behind removing the one character that compelled readers to love the prequel. It was probably done to give Jacob some attention, but really, it made the book a drag for me. That has changed. While I still hated Edwards absence, I enjoyed the Edwardless pages more than usual, though I don't know exactly why. Anyway, let's get into it!

The book starts of with quite a nice moment: Bella's birthday. I think Bella's resentment of aging is displayed very well throughout the book and logical from a seventeen-year-old's POV. This leads me to voice an opinion I hadn't in the previous review: the book really should have been set in college. It would change the book entirely and I think for the better. Bella would have actual close friends at home, the story doesn't need to focus on the secrecy from family and friends, and most importantly, Bella would be more secure. She would know things, maybe things Edward didn't, she would not be so insecure (still a bit insecure, but I think maturity reduces it) and she would be able to move more freely. College as a setting would resolve some of my issues certainly. It would also solve the whole age-thing. Bella wouldn't have such an extreme obsession with age as age in your 20's barely reflects in your appearance. As a teenager, you change so much every year, but in your twenties it's different. In addition, it would give Bella a much better sense of what she wants out of life. At college, she must have envisioned some sort of career; the whole missing human experiences issue would be less important. But that's just my take on it.

Bella gets cut and more importantly attacked by Edward in an attempt to save her from Jasper. Great moment to show the comment of Edward to Bella by, you know, not killing her on the spot. Also GREAT moment for Carlisle and Bella. I think this moment might actually be a first moment in which she projects him as a father figure.

Right after this whole charade, the drag begins. The silent days by Edward and his ensuing absence. Reading it again after years, it still hurt. On his part, I do understand the logic. The one thing I kind of hated was his removal of everything between them. When he said goodbye to her, he wouldn't expect her to accept his leave so easily, that he couldn't believe that she had just forgotten everything about him. Then, he just assumed that by forming a so-called clean break and removing everything that could remind her of him, she would move on so easily. Like her words didn't exactly stick with him either. While I understand their reasons for everything, it was a very emo-goodbye. His absence was terrible. Like I read it for the first time, I LIVED through the pain. I FELT it.

When the Jacob part started, I was wary at first, but I actually enjoyed it to my surprise. I saw for the first time his soft side. I was bothered by his cold facade, though, through all the other books. I guess I didn't like that he lost his innocence but that was just the story.

I really feel that Bella and Jacob's romance was written expertly. It made sense somehow. Still, I can't believe anyone could be Team Jacob based on the books. However, I was annoyed by the pressure on his side along the series - trying to show that she loved him by assaulting her and guilting her into kissing him. She fought hard to deny herself that part and it was not his to expose it. That should have been her. I guess SM thought it was hot/sexy for a man to force her to face her emotions like this, but I really can't think of it as anything other than assault.

The stupidest part of the Edward-absence was the hallucinations. I believe they represented Bella's unconcious knowledge that he still loved her but to me it was obviously the result of a toxic relationship. And then, she had to do the dumbest shit ever to get the hallucinations. If it was adrenaline related as I really believe it was, she could've just done a few rollercoasters. 'But she only had them when she did something dangerous.' No. She had them when she had an adrenaline rush. All her stupid adrenaline rushes happened to be induces by dangerous ass shit. If you don't like this argument, go away because it is one of many concerning the biological aspects of the horse-shittery later on (scientist here). Anyway, the hallucinations didn't do much for me.

Alice returns. You can actually see in my book where this is - as I've turned to this page a million times. I love Alice as I've previously said and I love her here. I also love that Edward wants to off himself. Not too glad about the whole dependency thing in representation, but in their relationship, it's proof that he's committed. What really gets me though is the humorous outrageous amount of dramatics in his decision to die. It kind of aligns with the Volturi but it's still so dramatic to wait until a certain time. Didn't you want to die the second she died??? Dramatic.

I think that everything about the Volturi should be regarded as creative freedom. They hoarded a group of people in every time they were hungry and no one of their relatives started a blog with 'Disappearings in Volterra, Italy'?? Dumb. They were collective even more dramatic than Edward but then, creative freedom.

The most compelling scene was definitely the scene where Bella though she was dreaming. I'm probably not the only one that cried when I read that the first time (and the times thereafter). I have a big issue with their getting together. Yes, they understood both sides of the story and yes, they had both been miserable apart. However, I don't believe that their instinctual feelings also disappeared with their resolve. You can't convince that if Edward said good morning a little bit off one morning, Bella's mind wouldn't instantly think he was going to leave her again. And then, the PAIN of Bella, the shell she was after him, that should have been harder to shake as well. Her body must occassionally involuntarily just recoil when she sees him. Again, I understand but poor representation of pain, SM.

Speaking of representation, the racism is way more obvious in this book than in Twilight. While I loved the wolves, SM exploited the Quileute Tribe. As in my previous post, I have included links to get both informed about and to donate to the Tribe's council. A bit less obvious may be the position of Jacob, POC against Edward, white male. Jacob is regarded as a love interest, sure, but his appearance, his being, is close to nothing compared to Edward. It might be the story, but in combination with all other small and big acts of racism by SM, it seems racist.

Another major issue I didn't address in my previous post is the complete absence of LGBTQ-characters. I myself am not part of that community, but the lack of representation, especially in a book with such a young and formable target audience, is extremely wrong. I am of Molukkian heritage and I know what it is like to not be represented. It alters or limits, whichever way you see it, your self worth. All of Bella's insecurities SM wrote were superficial: Bella wasn't pretty enough (in her mind) for him. I don't want to disvalue those insecurities, we all have them after all, but lack of representation can give anyone of a minority the sense of not belonging and not worthy of happiness. To all minorities, I see you and you are of worth! You deserve better than to be ignored and limited in media and politics. It pains me to see discrimination is still so prominent in society and I stand with you.

With that note, I want to conclude my review. There is really nothing more important than that. Please inform yourself on the Quileute Tribe and donate to their council through the following links:

The Quileute Tribe

Information:

Donation:

TLDR: New Moon is okay but shows, again, a toxic relationship and obvious discrimination. Please inform yourself on the way SM exploited the Quileute Tribe and donate to their council through the link above.