#i dont even describe my femininity as woman. i much prefer girl for that

[thekidthesuperkid]

Hi I would love to hear you expand on your queer superfam headcanons if you’d be willing to share

Hi anon! I'd love to!

Right now I've been mainly thinking about Clark and Lois. For Lois, I think of her as bi or pan (Wonder Woman #170 you will always be famous to me). She experimented with her sexuality a lot in college and in high school (there were some fights with her father about it), but because of a combination of things didn't really date often. For one she was super ambitious and focused on her career and that came first for her, but then also half the guys who were attracted to her were assholes and she never put up with their shit unless she needed something from them, which gave her a bit of a reputation in her schools and workplaces, you know how it goes. Now that wasn't a deterrent for the resident sapphics, quite the opposite in some cases, and Lois did have some hookups with them but again didn't date much. She doesn't get emotionally close to people easily or quickly. This might mean she's demi- or grey-romantic, or she's just a busy career-driven woman who's experienced trauma and is also a bit neurodivergent. Her gender is cis and femme in a mildly dykey and "fuck you" kind of way. Also she's fairly unreserved and uninhibited about her sexual desires. She's pretty into kink and unashamed about it.

Right now I really like my transfem!Clark headcanon. She doesn't realize anything or come out until later in her life, and even then it's only to Lois, and then she doesn't come out to more people or transition for several more years, and even then only Clark Kent transitions, not Superman. In her early life she feels very alienated and very different from the kids around her but she doesn't have any of the knowledge to understand why she feels that way, so she chalks it up to being neurodivergent and a meta, and later when her parents tell her about where she comes from, chalks it up to being from a different planet. She doesn't realize it until at least two decades later, but her high school crush on Lana is half attraction and half gender envy. Another thing that delays her gender realizations is that she's a butch woman. Typical femininity doesn't fit her. So she never identified with the women and girls around her in a clear and defined way. And also the main core part of her identity is that she's an alien and a refugee and one of the last of her people, and that she needs to help people. Her gender is a bit secondary to that. She realizes eventually, and even though she's delayed and interrupted by a few crises and universe resets, she does eventually transition as Clara Kent, but stays Superman, partly because Superman transitioning at the same time as Clark would be suspicious and partly because she just doesn't mind being seen as a man if its not all the time, and she uses Kryptonian clothing technology to hide the changes to her body from transitioning as Clara. I have the full story of her transition in my head but it's too long for this. So basically Clara is a trans butch lesbian. She is m-spec a bit, but she has a strong preference for women and her attraction to men just doesn't really come up or play much of a role in her life so she prefers to describe herself as a lesbian.

Kara! Kara is a genderqueer woman (masc headband from the 80s my beloved <3). Kryptonian concepts of gender are literally alien and dont necessarily match up to human ones. She goes by she/her pronouns because she just doesn't care to navigate human concepts of gender to explain it to them but when she's speaking Kryptonian with someone she's referred to with...I guess the equivalent of ze/hir? But not that? Idk I haven't properly thought out my ideas on Kryptonian gendered language. She does get frustrated and sad sometimes about how characteristics that would have easily been recognized as masculine on Krypton are meaningless on Earth, but (if I place this headcanon of her in the same world as my Clara headcanon) she does share some of those signals from Kryptonian culture with Clara and bond with her over being genderqueer women. She's also gay. More specifically she's pansexual homoromantic, but doesn't really care for having a relationship with just sexual attraction so...gay. Lena Thorul come back you could've been so powerful...

I like to headcanon Kon as pan, although he's slightly less romantically attracted to women compared to men, and hes demisexual and hypersexual. Also hes transmasc. I honestly don't know how that would work because I keep going back and forth on the specifics of his gender, but the version I came up with most recently is that for a while he identified as transfem and actually transitioned that way but then realized his gender wasn't that and transitioned back but then at that point he'd fucked with his gender so much that despite being perisex amab the term transmasc genuinely felt most accurate, because he does have a strong connection to femininity and his masculinity, despite being more prominent than his femininity, still needs to be taken with the context of femininity to be understood properly. His gender is like the error message you get when too many people are trying to access a site at once. All of this happens in the hypothetical future though. In his early life Kon doesn't feel secure about his queerness and leans hard into performative masculinity and compulsive heterosexuality. At his current age he's just finished growing out of the performativity but still hasn't recognized his queerness. He'll realize he likes guys a while before he accepts his genderqueerness, and then he'll go through all the gender exploration. When hes older he sometimes jokes that he's a he/him lesbian, which is because he feels "butch as gender" is an accurate enough way to describe him, even though thats not how he would choose to describe himself to others. He goes and finds Hero from the Ravers when he first realizes he likes guys.

Jon is canonically bi and Natasha is canonically a lesbian, Mae is genderfluid/multigender and a bi lesbian, Linda Danvers is a lesbian, Cir-El is a trans girl and sappic-oriented aroace, Chris is very aroace with a god-induced soulmate bond (which I'm not sure if I want to keep in my headcanons?), and John Henry is m-spec and both demisexual and demiromantic.

I saw someone headcanon Jonathan as a trans man, and I'm still kind of playing around with that idea in my head and I'm unsure of whether I will use it for my own headcanons yet. I do think Martha should get to have had a girlfriend in college though. I also like to headcanon that she went to a lot of protests when she was young in the sixties.

If you look closely you'll notice that I made most of the superfamily like girls in one way or another lol

[surrender-souls]

transer i get the more difficult it gets for me to describe lesbianism, like yeah basic definition is a woman who loves women exclusively. but like, i don’t see myself as only a girl, i’m a man as well, i’m both at the same time and more but i’m still a lesbian. it’s difficult because that basic definition doesn’t include all lesbians, but really no definition can. no definition can take into account every lesbian and the genders they have and don’t have and the expression of those, but not everything has to be described, not everything can. it’s impossible for me to describe lesbianism because the entirety of it is indescribable.

[okidenshi]

Being a lesbian and also autistic, I’ve always had like. an interesting relationship with my gender- like when i was a kid i was really comforted when i heard about the term tomboy, and i described myself as such for a long time.

And like, i definitely also went thru that mindset that most women do where you just, despise everything associated with traditional femininity because obviously liking the color pink and wearing ugg boots meant you were “giving into the patriarchy” or whatever nonsense have you.

Tho my last two years of highschool, i realized that’s bullshit and i should live to do Girly Things if that’s what made me happy, and be unapologetic about it. And i was, i wore make up a lot and wore pinks and went to Starbucks and went to prom- and i loved it, i truly felt comfortable during that time. Now i had times were i would dress in flannel and jeans and shit cause i also knew i liked to look futchy too, but yea for the most part i was very feminine, and i was happy to express myself that way.

But... that being said, as I’ve lived outside of high school, i do wonder sometimes how much of that joy i felt about dressing that way came from the confirmation from others that i was doing a great job of fitting in with how girls are expected to dress an act. As an autistic person, trying to fit in socially is a struggle, and when we do it right, we are often praised by others and our own minds for doing so.

While that can be harmful for autistic ppl in general, being queer on top of that might also give the person (in this case.... me lol) a warped sense of gender identify and expression. On the side of my autism, there’s a desire to chameleon myself into society, and there is joy in successfully doing so, but that joy is, overall, short lived. As much as i like to Look Good, my first need as an autistic person is to feel comfortable in what i’m wearing. Even if i feel good wearing feminine clothes, the dread i eventually develop over having to wear clothes that are Nice Looking over a sweat shirt and loose jeans... it builds up, and eventually i think you can experience burn out from it.

But that’s the sensory stuff; i still acknowledge that, most of the time, i do have a desire to express femme-like. I like long hair, i like putting on short shorts and having round thighs and sleek shoulders an a softer face and wearing flowing dresses

And to be fair, I still adore the futch and butch Looks as well, and i often find myself yearning to chop my hair shorter and wear loose jeans and denim jackets and fingerless gloves. Like, the amount of times I think of Ellie from TLOU and just go “wow, i just wanna look like that” is quit often lol.  

But still, you can be a woman and dress masculine and feminine, i know that.

So....... why do i also find myself seeing men or male characters and thinking “god, if only i looked like that”? What about Frodo’s sharp jawline yet gentle voice and soft eyes made me think “thats me”, was there something about Danny Phantom’s clone being a girl and him being a man that made me so entranced as a kid when i saw it, why is it when i look at Cloud Strife in a dress do i ponder “is this what people mean when they say they experience gender euphoria?”

The idea of being a “man” or presenting masculine while not identifying as a woman or a man has been a off and on question since i was about 14, maybe even younger but 14 was when i had better terminology to think about it.

I don’t.... think i want to be a man, no, i don’t really like how that sounds or feels. I’m... ok with being a woman, but there are times were i dont really want to be a /woman/. I just want to be a body, a blank canvas to express a look or idea in that moment, and when i’m done with it, i have a “home base” gender to return to, something i’ve known and that i find familiar and safe. 

But yea... it’s confusing, and sometimes i feel dumb for thinking or talking about it, but it was been on my mind a bit the last.... while i guess??

Idek what terms to use. like.... technically i’m nonbinary, like by what i just described, you’d think that’s how i’d identify, but for some reason using that term doesn’t feel right for me. But i’m not a Woman either, i’m like?? a Queer Woman, yknow?

Sometimes i wonder if my sexuality is also just what i want my gender to be which i KNOW sounds ridiculous because they are two separate things but its just a thought i had. Like... women, yes, but. Queer about it.

Pronouns are also Wild, like i use she/her and honestly, even tho im like... and off-brand queer “woman”, i really do prefer she/her. They/them and he/him and other pronouns i’ve seen dont Feel Right, so um............. she/her will probably always bee the pronouns i use tbh. Maybe its my autism brains just liking familiarity, but they feel most comfortable to me even if im Not Exactly A Woman. 

Anyway...... this probably made no sense, but it was just on my mind i guess. TLDR; my gender’s just my name at this point and sometimes i think i wanna be a Boi but ehh?? eehmhmmmklsjdfl yknow?

[bug-pasta]

for the lgbt asks, honestly i would love if you answered all of them bc i love you but i really want to know 2 and 4. thabk. also im going to steal your ask prompt

alright well you just uno reverse card-ed me on this and i guess ill answer them all lmao. just for you elvira

also none of my answers are gonna be fun or interesting cause it takes too much effort to care about things right now

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? okie so my pronouns are she/they and i honestly just identify as queer. i occasionally enjoy the label ‘lesbian’ (so basically girls are hot and SOME other people are hot but mostly just wow girls). also gender? nah. no identifying with anything (aka probably agender)

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? fuck dude idk girls are just Like That (also i fell in love with sam from icarly)

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it? okay so yes actually! currently i wear pretty feminine clothes and dont usually mind being seen as a woman and all that shit but! i do still identify as nb. but also when i was younger people would often think i was a boy and use he/him pronouns for me which actually didnt bother me either! so idk, nothing bad

Who was the first person you told, how did they react? my sister!! she was just kinda like,, yeah that makes sense. and i never really ‘came out’ about my gender. i just started using she/they pronouns online and stuff. the only irl person ive told is my gf but again, i didnt even come out, i just told her which pronouns i preferred. 

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel? akjfbsd i was like,, 12 years old? and i was soo scared the first few times. but then i realised it wasnt a big deal (except a few less good situations idk)

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react? my parents are super chill about it! they said some not great things at first because they didnt know better and they still arent the best about nb things but! theyre learning and i appreciate that

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality? idk uh i guess i dont like when people ask for a specific label

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear. goth (its not that simple but eh)

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships? see okay this is gonna take like 8 hours if i dont limit myself sO gallavich, ineffable husbands, snowbaz, reddie, johnlock, wolfstar, jenny/vastra, hannigram, natsby, boreo

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any? i dont usually wear makeup but i do enjoy some intense goth shit every once in a while. idk ive been in the goth community for so long, makeup isnt a specifically feminine thing here. 

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? yeah,, not usually too bad though. makes me feel uncomfortable

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community? gosh idk man

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? uhh dude idk im out of answers. i like when people actually give a fuck about the history of the community and respect the people who’ve done everything

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? anyone that thinks maps belong here

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not? yeah! its decent. gets a bit bigger each year, not bad for a small town. 

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity? EZRA MILLER

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet? yesyesyes im extrememly in love with my girlfriend. we met because she was in the same school as my sister. 

What is your favourite lgbt+ book? (im also gonna say carry on)

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened? not really? i dont think so

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show? friCK maybe the imitation game or pride

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers? theres bloggers??? @official-lucifers-child 💚💚💚

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim? idk i use queer alot

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it? nope! im underage but i dont think i wanna go to one anyway

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you? idk i usually just go with ‘no’

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not? no! i dont think ill want to have children anytime soon, if ever. and i will definitely not be getting pregnant. i could see myself adopting/fostering when im older but maybe not. im good with having a bunch of animals instead

What identity advice would you give your younger self? the words you use to describe yourself dont have to actually matter that much

What do you think of gender roles in relationships? i mean i cant really say they’re bad if it works for some people? but i think they mostly pretty shitty tbh

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+? i,, have nothing left to say

Why are proud to be lgbt+? fuckin,, it can be hard you know. people have dealt with so much shit to get here and even now, theres horrible shit that happens. idk

[jenna-jayde-the-renagade]

I feel like a sunflower, blooming, facing the light and being a source of joy and beauty on this earth to all sentient beings..

(Look at this well rested, happy, naked, healthy girl!! I woke up with a grin on my face and a smile in my eyes! I woke up happy, cause I woke up me, her, not him!! No clothes were required I just felt femme!!)

Being trans, starting hrt and truly discovering who "jenna jayden" is as a person, seeing her for who she is finally and liking her reflection instead of looking on with disgust at the grimy, drugged out and sad boy with murder in his eyes.

This process, it has its ups and downs. I can be mad in the morning, a complete asshole in the afternoon, and happy to the point of tears in the evenings.

Or I can be happy all day, enjoying my new bodies reflection after the latest round of changes.

Oh the joy I felt when I saw my boobs for the first time! Noticing them, the first time I felt them drop when I took off my bra and looked at them after in total disbelief that it had happened.

It had finally happened..

I'm not 100% a girl, part of me is still a boy and I embrace that part freely. Im like a hybrid of every gender, I dont conform to a single one.

Although feminine is how I prefer to act and present! I still enjoy to hang out with the guys and drink, or get my hands covered in grease with some bike or car parts in my hands. I like to ride my bike, hear a loud engine rev up or a nice car drive by, smoke weed, and take pictures of the beautiful things I see out in nature.

I'm not different, I'm actually normal, for a pansexual trans girl...

I know who I am now, I'm a human being who lives to experience, to love, to inspire joy in everything I put my little hands on..

I am beautiful, because I am a sunflower.

In full bloom my yellow petals shine bright in the sun.

This process, my transition. I feel like a sunflower in full bloom, and every change is another beautiful sunflower popping up and blooming in the garden from the positivity seed I dropped last time.

If I can describe being a trans girl.

It's like being a flower bud in spring on your first day, the day you tell someone who you are.

Day one of HRT, the bud is developing, and some of the flowers petals might be bulging out of the green luscious bud.

By the time the changes are felt, and seen.

Its officially a summer that doesnt end, I'm the sunflower in full bloom now. A pretty flower to be admired, to inspire creativity and joy, to be protected and watered every day in my fertile soil so that I can grow nice and tall and big to soak up as much sun as I can.

I am a trans woman discovering herself.

I am just like a sunflower fully bloomed, facing the sun and growing every day.

I think this is a beautiful thing. One hell of a beautiful thing🤗🤗

[karak9]

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

[neonstatic]

(transcripted convo)

i’m reposting a discussion i had w a terf. i previously posted screenshots but she messaged me and said she didn’t want her url or avatar displayed. editing the pics to post them again was hell so i’m posting a script instead (i learned my lesson tumblr: you suck). if anyone ends up finding the convo and thus the redacted speaker... idc. this is a public website and we technically had this convo in public - the notes of a post aren’t private spaces afaik. i’m posting this as proof that sometimes calmly reasoning with ppl lead to nothing. (i know anyone could say the same but lmao leave me alone.)

tw for transphobia/transmisogyny 

[redacted] (speaking to a transmasc discourser about the "woman path"): Ok let me explain what I mean :) if your experience was totally different then thats fine :) im 24 and when I was little i was encouraged to play with dolls and learn 'motherly things' like playing with baby dolls while my brother played with toy trucks. There was a lot of pressure at school to wear dresses, and be sweet and polite. @[transmasc discourser] then of course, learning to deal with periods and the shame and taboo around them. Removing body hair because its considered unladylike. Etc

@[transmasc discourser] have you had none of those experiences?

neonbaebae: these are all common experiences for women bc of gender roles/stereotypes but none of that defines womanhood as an identity.

[redacted]: completely agree they are gender roles. But menstruation isnt a gender role. Its a frustrating part of being female. But that said, what IS womanhood then?

(rest under cut)

neonbaebae: menstruation is a biological function that is in no way exclusive to female bodies. remember intersex ppl, who come in all forms and shapes. women aren't all the same and it's likewise for men. there are intersex women who don't fit all the criteria for being "female" yet still identify as women. there is a distinction to make between womanhood as an experience and womanhood as an identity.

the woman experience is what you've described. the woman identity is feeling like one, e.g.: liking female-coded clothes, makeup, hairstyles, feeling comfortable in the societal role of being a woman. identity is essentially abt self perception most of the time

[redacted]: intersex is unique and I respect that not all womens bodies are the same. Intersexuality is complex but it doesnt represent the majority of biological women. I dont have a strong baclground in intersex knowledge so I'm certainly not gonna speak on behalf of intersex women. so if identity is self perception (which I completely agree with) how can a biological man self perceive his femaleness.if he's never experienced it?

neonbaebae: trans women never identify with being male and all in entails. and they can see, thru watching women counterparts and how they interact with the world around them, that they id more w the idea of womanhood and much less w the idea of manhood. it's esp why dysphoria often settles around puberty bc the dissonance manifests physically and that's harder to handle

[redacted]: but what youre talking about is what trans women see women do.  If thats what someone aspires to, its a very basic and narrow understanding of  what womanhood is. Its only what they see. And people are far more complex than this. Does a biological male aspire to periods stigma, beauty conformity and lesser social stance in the world? Or do they aspire to femininity? Something many biological women dont feel comfortable with

neonbaebae: womanhood as an identity is a feeling that is strengthened by a disconnection to manhood, its polar opposite. someone who completely rejects the idea of being man is likely to prefer being a woman (not always but likely!). many trans women do aspire to femininity and it has nothing to do with the cis women who are uncomfortable w it, just like there are many cis women who embrace it too.

many trans women cannot quite explain their transition in another way than "being a man felt wrong but being a woman feels right and authentic to my true self". i'd suggest to ask an actual trans woman for her pov tho since i'm not one, i'm just basing myself on what i've heard them say

[redacted]: but feeling disconnected with manhood (which is understandable and gender roles are frustrating) doesnt make someone the opposite of a man. As society we need to open our understanding of gender expression. But this isnt the same as thinking 'if I dont feel like a conventional man or connect with male social expectations, then I must be the opposite'. Theres no logic in that

we live in a world where gender stereotype binaries are considered natural, and people who dont fit this understandably feel marginalised. In fact Id argue to a greater or lesser degree, none of us truly fit the prescribed gender binary.

but i find it problematic when a man thinks they're a woman based on what they think 'woman' is.

neonbaebae: you're right in saying that a disconnection from manhood doesn't make someone a woman - a connection to womanhood does. it has v little to do with the upbringing of women which you seem to define thru misogyny and menstruation alone which is frankly a pessimistic view of womanhood. it's less not feeling like a conventional man and more not feeling like a man At All. tru it doesn't sound logical but gender is not logical it's abstract and complex

it seems problematic bc one might think men would gain smth from iding as women but stats show that trans women are at higher risk of assault for being out and open, both of bc of misogyny (not directly related to having a vagina or menstruating after all) & transphobia. it's esp telling that trans men aren't targeted as much. do you disagree w trans men as well?

[redacted]: but as a women i dont connect with womanhood. Lol i am a women. It would be nice to think we live in a world where women are equal, but that's not the world we live in. Womanhood is hard. And we do live under a patriarchal society that's cultivated female inferiority over many centuries. We're still negotiating freedoms today.

Its not about gaining or loss. Its about the male right to self define womanhood on their terms, without the biological or social conditioning. In fact, many have recieved MALE conditioning as children. This comes with its own privileges.

I think transmale is a very different experience so no I categorise them very differently to transwomen

neonbaebae: "as a woman" you say. even if the experiences and stereotypes don't fit you perfectly, even if you reject it, you still id as a woman. you feel like one and you suffer the consequences of being one. believe it or not trans women suffer from iding as a woman as well and thrice as harshly. i can provide sources if you want.

trans women don't think like men bc they feel like women. the thought patterns are different. they don't digest the social messages abt men bc their mind doesn't relate to it. male entitlement and all doesn't apply to them. and in sociology alone womanhood is often defined as more than a biological or upbringing thing. it's a social identity and trans women have a right to it if they don't id and reject manhood altogether

my question tho was do you think trans men aren't men either cus otherwise that'd be hypocritical

[redacted]: my point is its not an identity. Its a reality. Im a woman. I have xx chromosomes and the world treats me as such. Similar to my race. I dont identify as my race, i am treated as the world sees me.

male entitlement does apply. Statistically baby boys are fed for longer than baby girls. And little girls are left to cry for longer than baby boys. Little girls learn many motherly caretaker roles while many of their male counterparts are encouraged to conquer the world. Children are raised by gender. Even subconsciously. I can also provide sources :)

there are many more male leaders and men in authoritive positions in the world. Women fight very hard for the same respect, but womens voices are less valued. It takes no genius to see men have greater standing in the world

about transmen. No I dont consider them men but I'll respectfully use the pronouns anyone prefers, male or female. Its common decency.

I think society needs to get more comfortable with non confirmative gender expression

neonboobear: but it is an identity. that's why there's a distinction between sex (bio) and gender (identity & expression). if it would feel wrong for you to be called a man or nonbinary then that'd be bc you don't id as such. (also there are women with chromosomes other than xx maybe you should avoid phrasing it that way.) i id as my race but race has v different roots & impact than gender historically and it cannot be compared. let's stick with gender.

and i'm not denying gendered socialization but it doesn't shape a child more than their personal feelings on their identity, which can differ v early in life bc (some) would rather engage in activities associated with the opposite gender for example. if it were that simple trans ppl wouldn't go at lengths to "play the part"

you're right society does need to accept gender non conformance but that's v different from the trans experience. i rly think you should have a deep conversation with a trans person to try and see their pov

[redacted]: if womanhood is an identity, it totally invalidates what it means to be female. And yes its arguable that there're are women who arent xx but how about the majority of the population that are. Must we pander to the few at the expense of the majority? also what makes you assume I dont talk to trans people? Critique doesnt mean lack of empathy.

Children and gendered socialization is complex. Maybe if 'feminine' activities werent coded as female and just 'childhood play' we wouldnt have the same degree of dysphoria. It goes back to the irrational logic, 'if I like the pink toy section then I must be a girl.'

neonboobear: i'm afraid that is your pov for the ideology that womanhood is an experience but also an identity is considered a v valid theory in the science field. the fact that there are women with chromosomes other than xx is proof alone that xx chromosomes aren't what makes a woman. and i've suggested a deep conversation and an intention to Understand the Other. not just a talk. i said nothing abt empathy.

there would be less dysphoria but i'm sure it's still be there. many think the abolition of gender would solve everything but i doubt so

[redacted]: i have a close mtf friend and we have the debate constantly. We don't always agree with her but there's a lot more common ground then you might expect :) Gender roles damn us all. Hmmmm... abolition of gender is impossible but theres is a lot that can be done to challenge gender expectations. But not an easy battle! neonbaebae: i mean this with the least offense okay but i sincerely think neither of you should be friends. i’m black and i’d never befriend a racist. that’s a lack of self respect on her part and a plain lack of respect on yours. 

i’d like to end this conversation here. i’ve said my point and i’d only repeat myself by continuing. and since i’m not a trans woman i don’t want to misinterpret them (so sorry if i’ve already did. trans girls feel free to bring up clarifications). might sound tedious but i strongly suggest you watch this 50-min long video essay by youtuber contrapoints. her vids are informative and entertaining and so v easy to digest despite the length. i’ve heard she’s not v liked in terf circles but it’s worth it to listen to what she has to say as a trans women.

[pangendering]

A couple of questions

Heyho! I’m pretty new in this so I’m really sorry if my questions are stupid or if there is a private chat and I’m just not able to find it ^^‘ 

In the long time of trying to find out what I am, I now somehow found out about the Pangender Spectrum and am still very confused about many things, so maybe would you like to help me? 

How does it feel to be pangender? What’s the difference to genderfluid? 

How does this terms like Panflux und Panfluid feel like? 

Is there any self question or help for me to tell if I’m part of the Pangender Spectrum or not? 

Really looking forward to your answer! Sry if any of those are stupid but you’re the only person I found by searching for people who know about pangender so I just had to ask you…

Sincerely yours,

Keith

————————————————————————–

Reply by Pangendering:

Hello~ I’m so sorry for taking so long to reply @_@ It’s totally okay to ask these questions! I will do my best to help with what I can! How does it feel to be pangender? Being pangender can feel like you are a huge amount of diverse genders, to the point that you can’t even specify all of them, or you feel like you are all genders that are available to you, being an entire gender spectrum. It could feel like an “infinite organized chaos”, but even if it feels “chaotic”, it’s possible and real. Being pangender can feel like having a very strong connection to the way most gender experiences are described. It’s experiencing: all genders related to female and/or male, all genders outside female/male, all genders that are a mix or in-between female/male, all genders that are a balance of other genders and genders that you can’t figure out what they are (unknown genders). (Obs: only genders that are possible in your culture and life experience).

Here are some personal narratives: “Regarding my identities, I’m a transgender (or transexual) non-binary person whose gender is pangender and/or panflux. My pronouns are they/them and he/him. I’m also pansexual and panromantic (I can feel sexual/romatic attraction to people regardless of gender). How do I dress? Well, I dress in many different styles, but most of the times, I look like a hobbit~ I would like to talk about this gender spectrum called pangender and panflux (which I belong to). I have always been sure that I wasn’t a girl nor a boy (despite my family imposing a binary gender onto me) and I was really confused regarding my gender and didn’t know how to call myself, because I didn’t know there were other people who were like me. I’ve always thought that there were only two genders and that these genders were defined by the genitals and body parts. Because of this ideology, I believed in my family and thought that my intersex body was actually deformed, so I would be a deformed version of the gender I was assigned to be. Only after I got in touch with feminism, transgender people and intersex people, that I’ve realized how untrue and damaging this ideology is. I had discovered myself as transgender, non-binary and intersex. Pansexual I already knew I was, because I had discovered it first. I knew I was non-binary, but I didn’t know how to express my gender into words, I didn’t know how to call my gender, how to call myself and I did wanted to find out how. I talked to many non-binary and genderqueer people from Brazil and other countries and learned their genders and identities. I told them how my gender was and they gave me a lot of emotional support and advices. I was still searching for a way to describe myself until I found the term “pangender”. It was instant. From that moment on, I knew that was a word that could describe my gender. The prefix “pan” meant to me the enormous spectrum of genders that I have. The plural genders I have are not necessarily the same genders that other non-binary people have, because each person has a different life experience, a different way to feel their gender(s). Yes, it’s chaotic, but it’s how my gender is. Since I flow from pangender to agender*, I’m also genderflux* and because of that, I’m panflux (pangender + genderflux). I’m also many other genders that are not yet named. For example, I named one of these unknown genders as Efêmere (it is a very subtle gender that lasts only some minutes). To me, being pangender or panflux feels kind of like being inside an “universe”, full of infinite “stars” and other “celestial bodies”. There is so much going on and I do understand it, but I don’t know how to express it. Having infinite genders doesn’t automatically mean that I’m appropriating genders that are not from my culture and neither that I’m appropriating genders that are exclusive of neurodivergent people. Since I’m part of the latin american culture, I can identify as travesti*, but I can’t identify with other culturally specific genders such as bissu, calabai, calalai, alyha, muxe, etc. I’m fully aware of that and I do not appropriate of these genders.” “Sometimes gender is like a bunch of paints all blended together on a palette and you can’t really tell where one color begins and another ends, but it’s still beautiful.” “There are various aspects to my identity that pangender sums up rather nicely. I’m somewhat genderfluid myself though I’m more genderqueer, sort of a little bit of both, and they fit together in interesting ways to form my gender identity. I define mine (my gender identity) as pangender, because I feel like it describes feeling masculine, feminine, androgynous and third gender all at once. I guess in sum total I feel like four gray areas of gender, all the genders that are masculine, feminine, neutral and none of them. I fluctuate somewhat between these areas and their intensity so that’s why I’m not sure if I’m also genderfluid as well as genderqueer, but it seems to fit. But either way I’m not strictly male or female and I don’t strictly identify with man or woman as categories. I am female aligned at least part of the time so I do belong in female-centered spaces. However I am not exclusively female. I’m also not bi/tri gender or purely a third gender or androgynous. I have many types of genders.”

“I feel like I have a whole bunch of genders rolled into 1 but I don’t know how many or what they always are. Sometimes it feels infinite and other times it changes.”

What’s the difference to genderfluid? “Pangender is a gender for people who experience all genders available to them (i say available because a non-native american couldn’t be two spirit) genderfluid is a gender for people who’s gender changes. not all genderfluid experience all genders (example me, i dont experience being a boy or a girl). it really comes down to personal preference. someone could be pangender and genderfluid but only chose to use one.” (https://enbiesheartenbies.tumblr.com). How do terms like Panflux and Panfluid feel like? Being panflux or panfluid can be like feeling you are all genders it’s possible for you to be, or that you identify as the entire gender spectrum available to you, but sometimes you don’t feel that experience in totality, while, other times, you have a feeling of being no gender at all. It’s to flow like: pangender <-> demipangender <-> agender. I would say that if you’re more comfortable with panflux, then you are panflux, and if you are more comfortable with panfluid, then you are panfluid. When chosing between these two, it’s more like a personal preference, I believe.

Is there any self question or help for me to tell if I’m part of the Pangender Spectrum or not? Do you feel like not only you experience gender, but you experience it in a huge amount and diversity? Do you feel like you can’t possibly explain all your genders? Do you feel like you can’t possibly count how many genders you experience? Do you feel like your gender identity is infinite? Do you feel like you are an entire gender spectrum? Do you feel like you have the maximum amount of genders possible to you? Do you feel like you have a lot of genders, but at the same time, you don’t? Do you feel like sometimes you are all possible genders, but other times you are less genders or even agender? Do you feel like you are half of every gender possible to you? Do you feel a strong connection to the way most gender experiences are described? Do you feel a strong connection to narratives written by people in the Pangender Spectrum? Do you feel like polygender could maybe describe you too? Do you feel like asking: “could I be pangender?”

[themoneybuff-blog]

The pink tax: The hidden cost of being female

Women working to achieve financial independence face an extra hurdle: the hidden cost of being female. Though its cheekily referred to as the pink tax, the additional cost women incur for personal-care products, toys, clothing, dry cleaning, health care, mortgages, and vehicle maintenance is no joking matter. It inflates our budgets, limits our ability to save, and sometimes hinders our ability to access affordable and safe sources of credit. Based on that semi-intense description of the pink tax, you may think its already been made illegal to charge someone more on the basis of their gender. But thats not true. Theres no federal law prohibiting companies from charging different prices for products that are identical (or very similar), but which are marketed by gender. At least not currently. Only one U.S. municipality Miami-Dade County has banned this practice. California enacted a similar restriction in 1995, but it applies only to the pricing of services. New York City followed in 1998. On top of the pink tax, women still earn less than their male counterparts. The average woman is paid 82 cents for every $1 her male colleagues earn; the discrepancy is much worse for women of color. When youre paying more for basic goods and services from birth until death just because youre female its easy to understand why so many women are pushing to Ax the Pink Tax.

What Is the Pink Tax? Twenty-five years ago, in 1994, the State of California studied the issue of gender-based pricing. They found women pay about $1300 more each year for the same services as men. Accounting for inflation, that figure is now closer to $2135 per year. If that figure doesnt shock you, maybe this will: By the time a woman turns 29 (like me), shell have spent an estimated $39,203 on the pink tax alone! Can you imagine how much money I could have right now if Id put the money I spent on the pink tax in a savings account? Especially one with compounded interest!? In 2015, the New York City Department of Consumer Affairs (DCA) published a report on the pink tax entitled From Cradle to Cane: The Cost of Being a Female Consumer. The report found that womens products cost more than mens products 42 percent of the time. 42 percent! By comparison, mens products cost more than the female version 18 percent of the time. According to the DCA report, products for female consumers were likely to cost more across industries: Girls toys cost more 55 percent of the time, while boys toys cost more 8 percent of the time.Girls clothing cost more 26 percent of the time, while boys clothing cost more 7 percent of the time.Womens clothing cost more 40 percent of the time, while mens clothing cost more 32 percent of the time.Womens personal-care products (shampoo, conditioner, razors, lotion, deodorant, body wash, and shaving cream) cost more 56 percent of the time, while mens products cost more 13 percent of the time.Senior home health-care products (supports and braces, canes, compression socks, adult incontinence products, and digestive health products) cost more for women 45 percent of the time and cost more for men 13 percent of the time. Nowhere is the pink tax more evident than when it comes to personal-care products. Personal-care products geared toward women cost approximately 13 percent more than similar products marketed toward men. Similarly, women are financially penalized for having their menstrual cycle. The U.S. government has deemed menstrual products a luxury item despite the fact that menstrual cycles are a monthly reality for all women, not a luxury. For comparison: Prescription and non-prescription drugs and medical supplies are exempt from sales tax. This includes aspirin, DayQuil, ChapStick, gauze, Viagra, and condoms. But all hell breaks loose if an end to the tampon tax is proposed even though a study published by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists found that two out of three low-income women in the U.S. couldnt afford menstrual products at least once each year. The study also found that tax breaks on tampons are extremely beneficial for low-income women. Despite this growing body of research that it costs way more to live as a woman than a man, proposals to eliminate tampon taxes or other pink taxes dont get very far. In New York, where a tax on menstrual products was eliminated, the state has recorded a $14 million loss in tax revenue as a result. In California, former Gov. Jerry Brown vetoed a bill in 2016 that would have eliminated the states tampon tax for fear that the state would lose $20 million in annual taxes. The Pink Tax in Action What does the pink tax look like in action? At Target, a red Radio Flyer My 1st Scooter marketed at boys retailed for $24.99. The My 1st Scooter Sparkle, the same Radio Flyer but painted pink with glitter, retailed for $49.99.

Until, that is, the DCA study came out. When questioned about the price difference between the two Radio Flyer scooters, Target referred to the extra $25 cost of the pink scooter as a system error. The retailer now sells both scooters for $29.99. Even childrens short-sleeved uniform t-shirts showed a gender price difference, with boys tops retailing for $10.95, while girls tops retailed for $12.95. Anyone have a clue why the girl version costs $2 extra?

The gender-based price difference is even more blatant when it comes to adult clothing. Womens clothing costs more than mens clothing in six of seven categories! The only category where men pay more than women is underwear men typically pay $2.44 more for underwear than women. However, women are paying more than a $2.44 difference when it comes to dress pants, dress shirts, sweaters, jeans, shirts, and socks.

Its not just retailers though that pass along costs onto female consumers, for really no other reason than to boost their own bottom line. Its also service providers like dry cleaners and car repair shops that are guilty of charging women more than men. Suzanne McGee knows all too well the additional cost thats incurred when a female goes to the dry cleaners. Ive been hit with the pink tax again, she wrote in a column for The Guardian. I knew it was coming; I should have been prepared with better arguments. But I couldnt avoid itI ended up getting charged $7 for cleaning my female shirt and not the $3.25 a man would have been charged. To prove her theory, McGee had a male friend return to the dry cleaner with an identical shirt to see how much he would be charged to have the same plain, cotton, long-sleeved shirt dry cleaned. McGees male friend was charged just $3.25, while McGee had been charged $7 to dry-clean the same top. Mortgages, Cars, and Loans While its illegal for your gender to play a role in determining your mortgage rate, theres a slew of studies showing women pay higher mortgage rates than men in relation to their risk of defaulting. According to a report in the Los Angeles Times, because income was once a determining factor in ones ability to obtain credit, women were often denied as a result of earning less than men. A similar trend was found in the small loans market. Studies found that women were rejected more than men when applying for loans. When women were approved, they were given smaller loans, but because so many women feared being rejected, most didnt apply for loans in the first place, the Times reported. A similar occurrence happens in the auto industry. It sounds clich, but a study from Northwestern found that women who acted uninformed when asking about having a radiator replaced were charged more. Women were quoted at $406 for a service that should cost around $365. Men who acted unfamiliar with the repair, just as the women had done, were quoted $383 for the same service, the study found. No Evidence of Discrimination? In 2015, New York officials concluded that because the pink tax is largely unavoidable, its a greater financial burden for female consumers than for male consumer. Consumers dont control the textiles or ingredients used in the products marketed to them, the DCA report noted. Additionally, consumers can only make purchasing decisions based on whats available in the marketplace. However, a report from the Government Accountability Office (GAO) concluded differently. Because there isnt a law preventing companies from charging different prices for men and womens versions of products, and companies have a legal right and responsibility to maximize profits, the GAO couldnt conclude the gender price disparity was unfair. The GAO even argued that its up to consumers to understand any price differences. I may have been able to let that ill-informed conclusion slide if they hadnt added this part: Concerns about gender discrimination were not studied due to very few complaints. Stop Paying the Pink Tax! Until the gender pay gap and gender tax are eliminated, is there anything we can do to try to level the playing field economically? To start, you can choose to purchase the mens version of many personal-care products in order to save money. Or, if youre like me and prefer to stick to feminine versions, many female-centric online retailers now offer pink tax-free personal-care products via subscription services. This way you can save money and still enjoy a pink razor. The other thing we can do is use our voices on social media especially to speak up. When youre shopping, check to see if theres a price difference between the womens and mens versions. If there is, look to see if the size and ingredients are comparable. If theyre the same, take a picture of both products and use the hashtag #AxThePinkTax. Some companies whove become aware of the price discrepancies of their own products have made changes to level the economic playing field.

Author: Katie Utterback Curious is one word to describe Katie Utterback, a former investigative reporter, who fashioned a microphone from cardboard at a young age and perused her neighborhood with a hand-held camcorder looking for stories to share with the world. Katie now uses her writing skills to further improve financial literacy in the Greater San Diego area, while sharing insights from her own debt-free journey at DebtWave Credit Counseling. https://www.getrichslowly.org/pink-tax/

[ask-pride-color-schemes]

Hey, I need some help with my gender. So, I'm a female biologically, I'm sexually attracted to only women. Im comfortable either she/her or they/them pronouns. Thing is, i dont care about my genitals, but I hate being feminine. I'm not trans, but I love to look like a guy, but I'm totally fine with my female genitals??

First, try not to assign gender to your body, even if you are fine with it. I’ll assume you are a perisex (non-intersex) person who was assigned female at birth (AFAB) being cissexist, but keep in mind the assumptions of assigned female = “biologically female” and vagina = “female genitals” hurt anyone who isn’t cis and perisex, be it by making excuses to misgender people or by treating people as anomalies to be corrected because the way they are born is deemed wrong by society.

Next thing is, you may be a cis woman even if you hate femininity, wear clothes usually sold at the “men’s section” and don’t mind they/them pronouns. Your identity is your own, and if you decide non-cis labels don’t fit you, that’s ok too. You may want to look up “gender non-conforming”.

But, I’ll assume that, since you came here wanting help with your gender, you aren’t looking for reassurance that you can still be cis, but rather for labels that might fit you if you are not.

Nongender: A gender that is most accurately described by what it isn’t, not by what it is.(As in, you could say you are nonboy and nonfeminine or something.)Nonpuer or Nonvir: Someone who is not male at all in any way, shape, or form, but feels a strong connection to masculinity within their gender. Nonpuer is the young form and Nonvir is the older form, as, similarly to the term "enby", many find "boy" (puer means boy in Latin) infantilizing.Pomogender: A gender where one denies or does not fit any labels for any particular gender. For example, someone who knows they're not cis, but is not interested, or can't specify what their gender(s) are.

Proxvir: Masculine gender similar to boy, but on a separate plane and off to itself.Xirl: Someone who identifies in some way as a nonbinary girl or nonbinary girl-adjacent. Someone who identifies with some part of woman/girlhood but who wants a more nonbinary and neutral sounding word because they aren’t entirely girls or don't want to be associated with the typical ideas brought up by the word “girl.”

Libramasculine: A gender identity that is mostly agender, but has a connection to masculinity. Based on the zodiac sign Libra.

Ambonec: Gender identity in which one identifies as a combination of male and female, but also identifies as neither gender.

Antigender or Ungender: A gender identity that can only be understood as the opposite of another gender – for example, an antiboy would be the opposite of male.

Mingender: Umbrella term for all genders masculine in nature. Also a term to refer to a gender that isn't fully defined but definitely masculine, or a gender in which masculinity is its defining feature (but the gender is not binary male). May simply be used as "min", ie. "my gender is min".

Dubgender: Means that you cannot trust that an existing gender identity label will fit you perfectly well, which means that, despite being a good label, a dubboy doesn’t really trust that the label of “boy” will be entirely accurate, and a dubgirl is a little iffy about the label of “girl” as well.

Demigender: A gender identity that feels partially like one gender and (maybe) partially like some other (usually non-identified nonbinary) gender. So, for instance, someone can be a demiboy, and feel partially like a boy but partially not.The demi label may be placed in front of any other gender label. It is most frequently seen as demigirl or demiboy, but can also be used with nonbinary genders and can be used with more than two genders (someone can be demigirl, demiboy, and deminonbinary).

Those are some that /could/ fit, but I can’t really be much specific because a lot of the things you said could be interpreted as several things. For instance:

Bottom dysphoria (feeling the need to change genitalia), or even physical dysphoria (feeling the need to change something in your body to be gendered differently) in general isn’t really necessary to not be cis; I know people who don’t feel dysphoric but transition to be able to be recognized as their gender more easily, or that never felt bad about their body but just felt better upon transitioning.Also, a lot of nonbinary people don’t feel dysphoria because there’s no way they could change their body to something that would reflect their gender.

A lot of people can like dressing masculine: that could mean you have a masculine gender, but you can also be a girl or have no gender or have a gender that’s not male or female at all and like to dress masculine. It may also be a way to express you are non-cis in general if you are usually assumed to be a girl since childhood, even if your gender is close to girl (xirl, juxera, demigirl).

It’s possible to be comfortable with your assigned pronouns (I’m going to assume she/her) and not be cis; some people are ok with any pronoun, some are just used to those and see no need to correct people.

There’s a lot you may want to think about, but if you want further help with your gender, I recommend thinking about the following issues (as an AFAB nonbinary person myself):

Are you okay with being referred to as a girl, woman, and maybe associated titles (queen, princess, madam, sister, etc.)?

Would you feel better/would it feel right if people referred to you as a boy, man, male, and maybe associated titles (king, prince, mister, brother, dude, etc.)?

What if people referred to you only with words without gender association?

Is your dislike of feminine things because you don’t want to be associated with girls? Or is it just a personal preference, maybe because you don’t think pink and tight clothes look nice on you?

Is your preference of masculine things related to wanting to being associated with boys? Or is it just a personal preference, maybe because the clothes are more comfortable or look nicer?

Is your preference for all of those things fluid?

Do you think those things mentioned above may be influenced by neurodivergence, race or other factor? If yes, do you think these factors make your gender different from those who don’t have the same experiences as you?

Excluding genitalia (which is rarely visible anyways), would you feel better with another kind of body, regardless of what you feel with the current one?

~ Tath

[seagreenflowers]

for your consideration this pride month:

A non-binary, bisexuals probably homophobic opinions on gender and sexuality

for starters, i’d like to say this is just my personal opinion and i don’t expect anyone to actually read this other than maybe one friend i have on tumblr and people i specifically send it to, but in the event that this blows up because ya know, it’s the internet: I’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s gender expression, sexuality, person opinions, labels, or thoughts on the community. this is just how i personally view everything concerning LGBT from my lived experiences.

to begin, i think that there are two main opinions from people in and outside the community over the number of labels we use and they generally fall into these categories either: “we have too many, these fucking snowflakes” and “i don’t really care, you do you” there are very, very few actually “”snowflakes”” that use the terminology we’ve all seen and had opinions about. therefore, why is it still in use? why do they have their own pride days in the month? well, from what i can see, my best guess is the definitions of everything are very muddled and the minute differences are expanded upon in ways that simply do not make sense to me.

for example, the sheer number of words we have for an attraction to multiple genders, while they all have their own differences, why can there not just be an umbrella term and people describe their individual sexual desires to the people they need to define it to. just to make my case here’s the words i’ve found:

bisexual

pansexual

omnisexual

polysexual

queer

all of these words have a basic meaning of attraction to more than one gender that it is inconceivable to me why we need all of them. if there’s discourse around how bisexual doesn’t just mean two, then why does poly exist? and if there’s discussion about bisexuals not always have a gender preference then why do pan and omni have distinctions? to me personally, in a perfect world, we need zero labels, but how we live today, we need the labels. if straights and gays aren’t equal and we take away the distinctions, they’ll never be equal. but stemming from that, i have qualms with words like this that feel like preferences over an actual distinction in sexuality. because the argument from the community (which i 100% agree with) is that you don’t Choose sexuality, things that feel like Choosing demean the entire system. things like bi where you see gender feel to me like “when looking for a partner, i Choose based on gender” definitionally and maybe that’s a misinterpretation of the word choice because in dating and sex everyone has to experience choice, that’s consent, but really you fall in and out of want instead of saying “i’m looking for a 5’4 blonde girl that has freckles” because as much as you can have a wish list it will never be fulfilled in the way you intend because people don’t bend to specifications. and maybe that thought process of not looking for a gender or a set of attributes makes me pan, but that’s not how i identify, so this is where we get to the point. if people don’t identify with the words that most describe how they actually feel because there’s another word that explains them, why do the words exist in the first place!

this is why it took me 4 years to actually come to the conclusion that i was bi. 1. because of the sheer number of words to describe how i was feeling but 2. if bisexuals can have any split between male and female attraction (doesn’t have to just be male and female but for examples sake) if i am not split 50/50 that would fall into the realm of poly and omni. and 3. girls are cute but are girls like date cute or are girls just like delicate cute (but that’s beside the point)

now i think i continue to beat a dead horse if i go into discussions about asexuality and all of its subgroups 1. because i’ve proven my point with multiple gendered love and 2. that’s not my community i would get something wrong and that’s not my intention. but GENDER!! FUN!!

so anyway that i go into this is going to sound offensive and it will get kind of rude but it’s out of pure inability to comprehend most of this. if someone wants to educate me, go right ahead.

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GENDER IDENTITY AND GENDER EXPRESSION

gender identity is the gender you feel. the sex. male, female, non-binary.

gender Expression is how you interpret that label. things like demi girl and gender fluid feel in this category to me because you Cannot in any case change gender day to day. period.

you are allowed to dress more masculine and feel more comfortable masculine one day and feel more comfortable feminine another. that’s not your gender changing!!!!! that’s just PREFERENCES!!!!!!! that’s Choice!!!!!!

what i’ve always understood in my heart the way to tell if you’re feeling a shift in expression or in identity is these 3 categories: perception, privates, personality. the three Ps (i did just come up with this)

are you worried or uncomfortable with someone using a certain name or set of language that hints to gender (such as queen v king) [the pronoun discussion is for later i don’t find it appropriate to include it here] this is perception

do you dislike something being a part of your body, not because you find it ugly, uncomfortable, or unnecessary but because you Want the Parts of Another Sex. for example there’s a difference in “oh i wish i didn’t have a uterus because i hate periods” and “i wish i didn’t have a uterus because the thought of that being a part of my body makes me feel sick because i want *male anatomy*” that is privates

and finally, personality. just because you’re a tomboy doesnt make you trans. just because you like dresses or skirts as a boy, doesn’t make you trans. everyone’s personality and individualism is what makes this difficult. you’re allowed to have interests that are “of the opposite gender” that don’t make you trans.

and something that i feel is an important distinction and will lead us into the pronouns portion, and this sounds rude but it’s not, it’s the truth. there are a lot more people that claim ftm than mtf. there just simply are, and the problem with that arises with a lot of women are upset about the condition of being a woman in today’s society, with all the pressures, expectations, lack of rights, etc etc that they would rather be perceived as a man. they would rather be a man to avoid the constant taunting of women and as much as that’s relatable, being fed up with the human condition of womanhood DOES NOT MAKE YOU TRANS. all of the “she/they non-binaries” that arise today that have no problems with being identified as a woman in public, that have no want to change their physical bodies because they want the ones of the opposite sex, and act Like A Woman *are not really trans* because that demeans every aspect of what it Actually means to be trans and honestly it’s kind of insulting to be someone that experiences extreme gender dysphoria to just see people with the desire to be less of a woman out of, here’s this again, Choice, when really they’re mad about society. and oh boy is it completely valid to be mad about the conditions of women, and it is valid to identify as she/they or he/they. it’s just, the distinction between people that actually experience gender dysphoria and the ones that don’t like the way that boobs make the world interact with them.

ALSO WHAT THE FUCK ARE NEOPRONOUNS????? i don’t get it. i’ve never understood it and i don’t think i ever will but like, bold claim, furries and otherkins aren’t Part of the lgbt community???? and i might be mislead on what neopronouns actually are but the only time i’ve seen them actually used are in cases with otherkins and the like wanting to be referred to as pronouns that correspond with their *preferred species* which is a whole other can of snowflake worms that i don’t have time to get into today but like,,,in my humble opinion, i feel as tho he she and they kinda cover the spectrum. you’re fem identifying, she/her. boom, solved. ur masc identifying he/him. lovely, awesome. you feel in between, they/them. great. excellent. you have kinship with both femininity and androgyny she/they (or vice versa he/they) but like IM NOT CALLING SOMEONE LIKE “”BUNSELF”” CAUSE YOURE A BUNNY. THATS NOT HOW LANGUAGE WORKS???? this is only a phenomenon of the english language because most latin languages DONT EVEN HAVE A THEY/THEM FOR EVERYDAY CONVERSATIONS. and we have the AUDACITY to come up with this stuff???? i don’t- i don’t get it. like i speak spanish (i’m not a native, i’m still learning so don’t roast me if i say something incorrect) and it’s nearly impossible to find a way to refer to yourself as a they/them because the words simply don’t exist. i’m lucky enough to be okay with he/him pronouns but in languages and cultures were every single thing you interact with is labeled with a gender there’s simply no time to come up with and incorporate things like Neopronouns when we can’t even find a way to express the basics in another language... and the whole point of the LGBT community is to be inclusive to everyone no matter their sexuality, gender, race, ethnic background etc etc but this is something that quite blatantly leaves out most of the World.

anyway, these are some of my opinions. feel free to ask questions and ignore typos. once again i’m open to education, but this has been my ted talk.