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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 4 years

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Wilfords Demands: Who Do You Belong To?

Summary- 5.2 k. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Written for @mcudarklibrary Kink Challenge- April. You’ve been in Curtis care for a few weeks now. He has no hesitation in reminding you who you belong to. Warnings- Dub Con/Non Con situations, punishments treatment, drug and alcohol mentions.

Chapter One- Just Another Prisoner / Masterlist

“So Curtis, how are you liking your new girl?” Wilford asked curiously as he flicked some crumbs off his luscious red robe, frowning as he rubbed at what looked like a smudge, under his breath he complained. “Those fucking cleaners never do anything right. Useless the lot of them.” The older man chose to ignore it for now, turning back to Curtis sitting opposite of him, Claude pouring fresh tea into two delicate china mugs. “Isnt she something, as soon as I saw her on camera, I knew you would like her. Yes, shes a bit thin still, but get some meat on her, and she will have all those nice curves to keep you occupied.”

Curtis nodded his thanks to Claude and reached to take the cup, contemplating what Wilford was talking about, you were rather lovely in your innocence. All Curtis had to still do was look at you a certain way, and your cheeks would turn pink and your glance would look away from him, sometimes a tiny whine would issue, making him grin. “Im liking her quite fine. She was an innocent you know? I was surprised.” Wilford winked over his cup while he added generous amounts of honey comb to his cup, swirling his cup a bit before taking a sip.

“I had hoped she would be, How the fuck I know, pretty little thing like that. I am a bit disappointed she isnt pregnant yet though, but in due time I know. I just get impatient.”

Curtis kinda shrugged a bit, he never really cared what Wilford did with the kids they made him, but this time it kinda rubbed him the wrong way. He didnt seem to pick up on it, or chose to ignore it, falling into another subject that Wilford used them for. Entertainment for the front enders for a couple months a year, a sport.

“Also, its about time for the games, and Im putting my goods on you Curtis, Do not disappoint. Once you get in that ring, murder the sons of bitches.” The true purpose of the games, weed out the weak. So far only three of the original group still survived, Curtis was one of them for his brutal approach to all of it. He was a survivalist first, and had no issue getting blood all over in the process.

“Yes I know, trust me, I dont want my ass fucking dead.” Curtis growled out and grew impatient, ready to get back to you. “We done shooting the shit Wilford, or you ready for this months supplies?”

“God your always so fucking impatient to leave my company.” Wilford rolled his eyes and sighed as if hurt, Curtis just stared at him waiting for him to get on with it. “Okay, my boy... let me know what you want.”

Curtis wasted no time, filling out his demands and leaving straight afterwards. There was only so much time he could stand being in that mans presence. His spirit uplifted a bit knowing he would be seeing you again. You were still quiet in his presence, trying to remain unnoticed, but he was always aware of your presence unlike any other woman he had ever been with. Sometimes he would draw out conversation from you. But your answers were usually short, clipped, or you shrugged not knowing how to answer. Seeing how you lived in the tail end all your life, there was simply things you didnt know about. That was okay, you would learn about these things soon enough.

Opening the door and stepping in, you were curled in the seat near the window, a book resting on your knee and gaze out the window watching the speeding landscape. You jumped slightly when Curtis entered and pulled your legs up nervously to watch him. Always so observant his girl was. "You havent seem to gotten to far while I was gone." nearby he sat down some bags of stuff he brought back with him, the items he had asked for from Wilford.

Your fingers trail down the spine and you slide it to the table, shaking you head softly. "Cant concentrate Curtis." Wary was how you were of this man, who stalked around his room till he moved to sit on the edge of the bed nearby. "Hmmm, do you not like it?" How brow arched and a your voice rose in a rush, as you clutched at the book. "No no, t-thank you... Its not that." You didnt want to loose a gift he brought you. Already reading through the few he had, you had gotten bored being unable to leave the small room. Curtis had requested a book for you with Wilford, and as you were finding out, Wilford accommodated Curtis requests typically.

"I was tested again, and still negative... " your voice dropped, admitting to your distraction. At first the news would cause Curtis to curse, drag you back to bed to try again.

So your head dropped, waiting to be yanked onto the mattress, but these past few weeks, he changed. Sometimes your news didn't cause any reaction, he would leave you to what you were doing. You trembled a bit, waiting to see what today would bring.

Curtis isnt sure when it changed for him, that he actually liked this one, it was something more then what was required of him, having any interest in his charge. You, a little tail ender was so innocent in to what he did to you, that he found it endearing. Her little surprised mewls when he taught you some new sense gave him satisfaction. He patted his knee. “Come over here Y/N”

The tension raised between the two of you when you hesitated, curling your hands together and your face wanted to defy him, he could see the flash in your eyes and the way your breathing flared your nose. Curtis arched a brow daring you to tell him no. Oh would you? He almost wanted you to, that primal part of him loved overpowering you beneath him. You were so defeated when he first got his hands on you, but he felt that you had a bit of fire somewhere still, it just needed to be ignited.

After a few seconds though you went back to your resigned manner and unfolded your legs approaching him, moving to stand in between his spread thighs. “Dont worry about the negative, it doesnt always happen right away.” His fingers snapped at your pants buttons and slid them down with a jerk, your hand bracing against his shoulder to keep from loosing balance and lifting your feet to loose your pants. He pushed your shirt up. “Get rid of all this to.”

Lifting your shirt and tossing it aside, that deep blush he admired so much spread down from your face and neck, flaring over your collarbone. His mouth smirked until he lashed his tongue over a nipple, teasing the other with pinching fingertips. “But how long till they get impatient Curtis?” you took a shuddering breath feeling the warmth of his mouth tease you to a peak, rubbing your thighs together as heat pooled faster then you expect it to in your core. “Im ready to be done and go back home.” He growled at this, biting enough for you to yelp, and try to pull away but his legs have you trapped in between them.

“What makes you think your going back Y/N?” He growled deeply, whipping you around, and pulling you back into his lap with one muscled forearm circled around your waist. “I already told you, you were given to me to use.” your hands were grasping his forearm pressed around your midsection, and you whine softly at his words. “But once Im pregnant you wont want me in your space, why wouldnt they send me back till birth?”

“Cause, Im keeping you. Open your mouth.” He demanded and grabbed a hold of your jaw, forcing your mouth to open, his other arm loosened around your waist and moved two fingers to your mouth.“suck, get them good and wet Y/N” his fingers pressed against your tongue and you immediately started to suck on his digits. doing your best to do as he asked. “As I told you a few weeks ago, your issued to me for at least the next few years.” Shifting his legs to hook yours over his knees and spread his legs so your thighs spread apart wide for him, the rush of cooler air hitting your aroused flesh made you moan around his fingers pressing against your tongue. “Your here till your used up or Im tired of you.” His voice, was so final as he yanked his fingers out from your mouth, tracing your bottom lip with one of the drenched fingers. “And then your still not going back there Honey. He wont let you go back home”

Before you could fully register what Curtis was telling you, he dropped his hand to your cunt, his fingers warm and wet from how you worked them traced your pussy lips, soft under his fingertips, his biting kiss on your neck was a stark contrast, making you attempt to pull away, but he once more clamped his arm around your waist to keep you in place, his long middle digit dipping in between the folds, tease your sensitive flesh. “N-never? even if I was useless to have children?”

“No, never. Have you ever seen anyone return to the tail end? Your not an exception. Trust me... You could be in a worst place then with me.” Continuing to rub your cunt, circling your aroused bud but never quite touching when he would return to stroking and teasing her entrance with slight dips of his fingers, collecting your arousal to spread. “I am not the only man who does this, and plenty are cruel to there partners.” It was getting harder to focus on Curtis as he started finally touching where you ached, his arm tightening when you would arch and let your head fall back to his shoulder. Pressing his lips to your temple. “Curtis... Its,,,”

“Feels good right? Most the time it will if Im doing my job right,” Assuring as he let two fingers fill your wet heated entrance, making you open your thighs wider, his own adjusting to help you keep them spread. You were panting, rocking your hips to meet his thrusting digits. If you werent so caught up in the moment, you would have been embarrassed of the squelching sound your wet cunt was making the faster he pumped his fingers. Your walls started to clench around him, and that little firey coil started to tighten in your lower belly.

“M-most of the time?” You managed to utter, and Curtis chuckled while biting lightly on your earlobe. “Well your a temptation, this tight little body.” His fingers hooked when he said that, come along with me baby. He would stroke your walls to comply with his wishes, fighting against his hold, and you were crying out when you pushed back into his chest, locking and shaking, flooding his hand. “Wouldnt be hard for me to loose control and just fuck you into the mattress”

Your thighs are trying pushing to close, aching from being stretched open, and fighting through your orgasm. He shoved you forward slightly to undo his pants, and you lean forward to brace your hands against your knees, your head dipping forward to catch your breath. It wasnt long you felt his cock pressing against your back. God you fucking hope he never lost control with you, You could barely handle him now, and everything he did was measured calculated. Curtis did nothing without giving it some thought, you knew this.

Hands at your hips, lifted your ass enough so he could fit himself into your core, and eased you back, slowly so he inched in, making you stretch around him but it still made you hold your breath till you were full of him, every movement you made, made you groan, his thrusts were quick upward angled jabs, pressing deeper and you still braced your hands while arching your breasts forward, this angle was so fucking full, concentrating was impossible. There was just rushed thrusts and grinding your hips back down.

Somewhere it registered his cussing against your neck, as his thrusts pressed forward longer in your clenching pussy. “Fuck your so good, just gonna fill you till your dripping with cum.” He grunted against the back of your neck, his fingers digging into your hips and started to move you faster, bouncing you, and you just rode it till he roared and warm jets of his cum started to fill you. Your channel flexed around his cock, milking him for the last of it, and you collapse back against him, covering your face with your hands and giving a soft sob from your second orgasm within a short time.

Pulling himself from him, he swiped his fingers through your cunt and scooped his cum back into you, making you quiver slightly at the sensation. Curtis gave a possessive nip to your neck, and shifted your legs back to a close. Fuck the muscles ached, all you wanted to do was lay down, the muscles in your thighs screaming with a burn. Curtis tapped your thigh to stand. “Dont be letting that run down your leg Y/N,” You nod and go to stand, your legs shaking enough to look like you might wipe out, Curtis hands shot out and grasped your hips to draw you back and sit on the bed. “Probably need a moment to get your legs back.”

Tucking himself back in his pants, he let you claim the bed and went to where he had ditched the bags he brought back from Wilfords. You dragged a blanket over your naked body and watched with curiosity as he pulled out some clothing for you, nicer then the stuff youve been wearing. “Whats that for?” you asked curiously.

Curtis brought the skirt and top over to let you inspect them. “They are for you. There is a entertainment car, and I figured your ready to meet others. I trust you to remember who you belong to” Your eyes brightened at the idea of seeing others, even if they were front enders. “Hows your legs? If you can stand, were going in half an hour.” He took the rest of the bag and turning his back to you, stored away a few books Wilford gave him, a treat for you later if you got to bored and deserved them. Curtis hoped there would come a time where you wanted to please him, not had to please him.

While he was doing this, you tested yourself, and gathered the clothing to your bare chest. “they are fine... I will go get ready Curtis.” You escaped quickly into the bathroom, easing the door mostly closed. You rubbed your face in the soft long sleeve, it was the softest thing you could remember feeling and when you tugged the clothing on, braiding your hair to sweep straight down your back well past your waist, you couldnt remember feeling this way, like you were being showed off,and you kind of liked it. Stepping out, your clear your throat a bit and Curtis looks up from where he had been reading the spot you left in your books.

Fuck you look good. Curtis nods his approval, and you nervously pick at the shirt, biting back a grin in your excitement. A warm rush tingles Curtis seeing you so damn happy for the first time since he brought you back a book, and unlocking the door, he held it open for you, beckoning you to step out. Going to step out the door, your hand braced on the door frame as you peeked out, it was empty, which your heart sunk a little and with a gentle ease of Curtis’s hand in the small of your back, you step into the wide looking hallway. He slung his arm around your waist, a steady hold on your hip and in the belt loops of your pants, he led you towards the front, the way you were dragged down to his room. “Now you stay with me Y/N unless I tell you otherwise, understand? Your free to talk to people that are in this car, but remember your place. You are mine, if I find out you are disrespecting what we have going on, or me, you wont like the consequences.”

“Yes Curtis” you reply, feeling your mouth go dry with nerves and anticipation, would you know anyone there? You hoped so, you were desperate to find out how your friends were in the tail end. You two reached a gate, and your bouncing a bit at his side, the music on the other side is thumping loud and you can see flashes of lights through the cracks. Curtis smiles a bit to himself at how obvious excited you are to get out of the room, but there are rules, and he had to be sure you knew them. Turning you to face him, he grabs your chin and makes you look at him. “Remember what I said, do you understand? do you have any questions before we go in?”

You nod probably a little harder then you should and you glance at the door once more before back up to him. “Am I allowed to ask about the tail end if I see anyone I know? That wont make you upset with me?”

Curtis thought about this for a few moments, it wouldnt hurt and you so desperately wanted to know, probably still had your hopes up about one day seeing your friends again. “You can, but dont expect to see anyone from before in there Y/N” His fist thumped against the metal door, and it popped open enough for Curtis to slide through and he took your arm, bringing you through. It wasnt quite as you remembered, but last time you came through, you were being dragged, and didnt exactly have time to admire the setting. This time you did though, and your eyes widened before you.

People, gyrating all over each other, among the flashing lights above them, it was extremely distracting and made you want to shut your eyes. First the people were laughing and dancing, then they would turn and a clash of teeth and lashing of tongues inhaled one another in open mouth kisses, moving from one person to whoever was closest. You leaned more into Curtis, not wanting to get caught up in the orgy. It was something you didnt enjoy from him, and you knew you wouldnt like it here either. With a push of his hand, Curtis broke past the group, and the car opened up to show more people dancing, some with one another, some off poles placed in what looked like a seating area, people lazing around, high from the kronoles scattered in the sunken seating booths. Curtis led you past these as well until you two were near the other side, and he directed you to sit. “Just wait here, I will be back.” A simple nod was efficient enough for him, and he went to the small bar set up.

“Kronoles, rum and coke?” The man asked Curtis while he pulled out to glass jars to pour the alcohol into.

“Just the rum and coke.” Normally Curtis would part take in the kronoles, chase that mindless high that came with it, but not this time with you accompanying him. He would come back another time without you. The rum and coke though, rare treat, doing some calculations about the occasion for the rare indulgence. Wilford had announced it was new years. Collecting the drinks, he came back to where you were half in and out of your seat, curious to your surroundings. Twisting back into your seat, your nose wrinkled as you sniffed your drink, used to only water. “What is it?”

“Try it and find out.” Was all he said, and you cautiously brought your mouth to the edge, taking a sip. It burned and was sweet at the same time, and you took another sip that stung its way down your throat. The dart of your tongue wasnt missed by Curtis, and his cock twitched at the very notion of how sweet your lips would look stretching around his shaft, your head tipped to meet him with your eyes rolling up to meet him. Fuck... It was gonna have to go on your list of necessary teachings. No it wouldnt benefit what you two were striving for, but it was a damn sweet thought, your mouth sucking him off. To cool off, he to took a bigger swallow then your sip, appreciating the burn as it went down to settle in his gut.

“what is it?” You repeated and he looked at you and swiped his thumb over your lower lip to dry it off. “Rum and Coke, we only get it once a year, usually its homemade shit or cheap ass beer thats long since gone stale. Its new years though, another year living on the train passed.”

“Oh! I never heard the announcement.” Your gaze again falls to looking around the room, and you got bolder in your drinking. Soon, your eyes were brighter then usual and there was a flush to your cheeks. Curtis watched you get caught up in it all and he finally leaned over to whisper in your ear. “You can go dance you know, just dont stray far from the table.” He knew others would pick up on your innocence right away, target you for your weakness, typically it was a game. That is until people learned that your were his, and he was never one to share.

Nervous, you hesitate a moment, and then push up to go up the stairs, and dont wander to far away, but mingle. Soon your drawn into a group of women who were just dancing, and the rush of the alcohol in your system swept you away in the motion. Curtis caught sight of you laughing and swaying your hips, deeming that you were fine. He collected your glasses to go refill them with just straight soda this time, and a pair of steel grey eyes crinkled at the corners, smirking watching Curtis, whom was unaware of the threat. About time he left his girl alone was the mans thoughts, pushing from where he been sitting with a group of friends and his own toy.

You were unaware of any change happening, until a pair of hands slid along your hips, and hot breath against your neck, a lash of the tongue over your ear, you wouldnt doubt it was anyone other then Curtis so you didnt fight it. You were his after all, and your buzzed state, you couldnt tell that this was a slightly smaller set of hands on your hips, and that the person gyrating behind you certainly wasnt as broad as Curtis. Your time in the tail end, you were used to never having personal space, you simply fell back into the person behind you, getting lost in the tempo and rush of the alcohol.

When he came back, he glanced through the crowd again as he set the drinks down, and Curtis couldnt fucking believe what the hell he was seeing. You pushing your sweet little ass of yours into Grey of all the fucking people. Quick, he snapped up to the dance floor, and your eyes sprang open to see him pushing people to crash into one another so he could get through, frightened you looked over your shoulder to see someone youve never seen in your life, and you stepped forward to meet Curtis. “Curtis! Im so-”

“Get on your fucking knees now and wait!” He roared at you and your scrambled to fall at his feet like he told you to, your eyes welling up at your mistake. Curtis stepped around where you knelt, your hands wringing together.

“Curtis, we were just having fun to.” Grey sighed with disappointment. “I had to see what the fuss was all about. I can see why Wilford got interested in her, she is cute for a cum slut.”

“What the fuck makes you think you could touch her?” Curtis crowded Grey, who didnt back up but he to crowded back, smirking in Curtis’s pissed off face.

“Wanted to see if they were as fucking easy as they come. I would have had her sucking cock in a few minutes with how she was grinding her ass into me like some horny bitch. Cant satisfy them Curtis? Why Wilford had to give you a tail ender? Not like they know any better.”

Curtis didnt even bother with that jab, it was clearly meant to push his buttons. Drawing up to his full height, Grey albeit smaller, was not at all intimidated by Curtis, and leaned in a bit closer, smirking “dont worry Curtis, when I get her, and I will cause the winner takes it all, I will teach her how to properly behave.” You were pushing to a stand to try and explain to the two men, when Curtis caught sight of you “Did I fucking tell you to stand, get back in your place.”

“But Curtis, it wasnt... “ You try once more, and he has to deal with you defying him, you gave him no choice. Ignoring Grey who watched this all with interest, he stalked forward and fists his hand in your hair, yanking you back to your knees. “What did I tell you?”

“On my knees” You twist and cry out, your hands going to your hair to try to get him to loosen his grip.

“Do I want any fucking sass coming from you?”

“n-no.” You cant help the tears that are rolling down your cheeks and the way your head bows to him.

Lowering closer to your level, his next words were so low it was hard to hear, but they held deadly promise should you not listen. “Start crawling to the door Y/N” Releasing his hold and shoving you to sprawl back.

You look at him like he cant be serious, crawl? His face though, was all serious anger storming his blue eyes and you back away from him, the crowd parting to allow you passage.

“Please Curtis...”

Nothing, no softening or taking pity on you, you do only thing that you can, and start to pull yourself away on your hands and knees, Curtis watched your heart shaped ass sway back and forth, and then turns back to Grey, whos watching with an amused look.

“Sure you dont want me to break in your little sweetheart? Ass like that good for alot of things, wouldnt be any trouble at all.”

Curtis growled lowly “Dont fucking lay a hand on her anymore, shes mine. I have no problem shoving your dick down your throat should you think shes yours to handle.”

Grey grinned at the challenge. “No, course not. Better not let her out of your sight again.” With that Grey turned back, and hoped back down into the seating area he had been occupying previously, yanking his own girl back in his lap, and slapping her thighs to spread, ready to share her with his current company. Curtis didnt waste any more time with them, and followed where she had crawled away, getting to the door, you were waiting this time, in a subdued position, on your knees, head bowed, palms up, trying not to look embarrassed or scared of it all. Made his cock twitch again, Fucking Christ, bad timing. “Get up” He yanked on your arm and hauled you to a stand. You stumbled, but did it all quietly, averting looking at him.

It was silent going back to the rooms, and you tried to keep up best you could to his long stride. The train walls kept dipping as if off kilter and you stumbled into Curtis a few times. Finally though you two reach his room again and he gets the door to open, pushing you to fly in first. You stumble and grab a hold of the wall, trying to get everything to stop spinning.

“Curtis, please I didnt know.”

He doesnt care, more pissed off then he was before at your attempt for an explanation, he drags you from your grip off the wall and over his knee. “You knew better Y/N, and yet you fucking undermined me.”

His knee is hard in your stomach, and you could feel him lifting your skirt to pool around your waist. You try to look over your shoulder but he shoves your head back to look at the wall and floor. Struggling, again a waste of your energy, hes holding you pinned over his knee with no more energy then he would give to a mild inconvenience in his day. Yanking down your panties to, he smacked your bottom hard, hard enough to jar you forward in his lap.

“Dont worry I plan on marking your ass so hard, your not going to be forgetting who you belonged to.” Curtis gives no time to adjust, its one hard spank on one of your cheeks after another, its a fire burning you now, and your crying into his leg, arching once in a while when its a particular had slap, those sharp stinging ones that you swear are going to break your skin. Curtis hand prints popped up in welts, and you sobbed for him to stop. “Pl-please Curtis, I wont do it again. I swear... I thought it was you. “ He growled and started to come to a stop. He reached to take a fistful of hair and jerk your head back so he could see you even at this angle.

“Who do you listen to?”

Sobs crack your voice. “You Curtis...”

“Thats right little one, next time be aware of who the fuck is behind you. Accident or not, if I catch it happening again, it will be worst.” He just as quickly put you in a stand, and stood up himself, gripping your chin so your tear stained face couldnt defy him and look away. “Next time it will be a leather strap and you will bleed for it. Get to bed now.” Dropping his hand and you are quick to move out of his way while he went to take a shower.

Your ass, burning hot and every step screamed red hot through you, you peel away the clothes that you had been so excited for and folded them into the dresser, getting into an over sized tee that Curtis had given you to wear. Crawling in close to the wall, you lay on your side, waiting for him to come back out. He finished and didnt bother with clothing, snapping off lights as he came, he stretched out on his side, and yanked you over to him, hiking a leg over his hip, there was a unprepared thrust into your core, and you yelp into his chest, pressing your face there till the pain dulled, your breathing coming and going in shallowly as you braced for him to start moving he never did though, his arm just caged you in close.

“You can sleep like this tonight, full of my cock so you dont forget who the fuck you belong to.”

You sniffle in the darkness, trying to adjust to the full sensation hes stuffed you with. Now, you were even more homesick for the tail end.

Tags- @jtargaryen18 @what-is-your-plan-today @official-and-unstable-satan @p8tn0lish @stardancerluv @princess-evans-addict @patzammit @ozarkthedog @that-damn-girl @curtisbbq @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @thatweirdwalangpake @nsfwsebbie @imanuglywombat

#mcudarklibrarykinkmonth #snowpiercer #curtis everett #curtis everett x y/n #chris evans #dark fic

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arthurflecksgirl · 4 years

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Subway scene /Arthurs POV

The subway is moving forwards, while everything inside of me is standing still. Frozen. Numb even. The numbness takes over me, except for the real bad headache. I shouldnt have done that. Hurting myself. But sometimes I just cant help it. Sometimes the sadness turns into anger and I dont want to hurt anyone, so I punish myself instead of anyone else. Instead of the people that hurt me all my life. I just sit there and take it, and try to cry my eyes out afterwards, but I cant even do that. Not a tear.

Silence. At least on the outside. Inside of me silence doesnt excist.

I don`t say much. I would love to talk a lot actually, but I gave it up when I realized that people won`t listen anyway. I prefer to write in my jornal nowdays. Its saver for me. My journal can`t missunderstand me. At least I hope so.

But yeah… if only they would give me the chance to explain myself. They would notice that I`m a good guy. But they won`t. To them it doesnt matter how big my heart is or that is filled with lonelyness. I do write my jokes for OTHER people. To make them happy. To be seen as someone who want to spread positivity. But they remain unheard. My jokes are only scribbles in my journal. At least up until now. I`ve got the feeling that change is about to come. Like….I can feel soemthing growing inside of me. Not sure what it is though. Its just a gut feeling but trusting my feelings is another story...

I look outside the window. Graffitys on the dirty surface cover half of my reflection. Half of my face, a blurr. Funny because thats how I feel right now. I notice how worn out my face must seem to others. A sad eyed clown, abandoned from the rest of the world. I can`t smile for anyone today. Not after Hoyt fired me. How could I ever tell my mum when I get home? I just told her that she shouldt worry about money, or me. That my stand ups are ready for the big clubs. And now I got nothing left. Not even my job, which I loved. Mum and I didnt had much money but it was enough to get us through. What now? She`ll be so dissappointed in me. I wanted make her proud. I wanted her to watch her son up on the stage, thinkng “I`m so proud of him. He really made it. ” But all she is going to say now is “Oh happy. I guess you just weren`t funny enough”.

I turn around and face the seats, trying to get eye contact with a lady. I crave human connection so much. It would feel so good if she would just look me in the eye for a second. It would be like a proof that I am here and people notice. But she doesnt. Maybe she`s too caught up in her own thoughts. Maybe she questions her own existence just like me.

The doors open, she gets up and leaves. A deep sigh is escaping my painted lips. Three guys are getting in, talking about a girl they danced with. The conversation caughts my attention. Sounds like they were at a dance club or something. I`ve never been at one, so I try to hear all the details about how a normal guy would manage to make out with a girl. I really could need some good advice, but after only a few seconds I realize that the guys must be drunk. One of them claims that the girl was in love with him, while his buddy says it aint true. Nothing to learn here.

It is now that I realized that there is a pretty girl sitting across me. “Want some french fries?” one of the drunk guys asks her and the way he does so makes me feel uncomfortable. Him trying to get her attention feels wrong.

“Helloooo?” .

“No, thank you” The girl seems annoyed. “They`re real good!” he says, before he starts throwing the food at her. “C`mon” the other one says “He`s being nice to you”.

The girl just wants to read her book. Why would they even bother her? I have never been on a date before but this sure isnt how I woud treat a woman. I would try to be a gentleman. To become a beautiful memory which she writes down in her diary when the day is done. I want to become a romanic page in a womans diary. A poem. A lover.

I take a look at the cover of what she is reading. Alice in wonderland. I like that. Alice knew how to create a world of her own. Reality couldnt bother her anymore. But her dream world did. I guess there is just no way to escape your own mind.

I get nervous, noticing that she makes eye contact with me. I was longing for eye contact just minutes ago but now that this pretty girl looks right at me I`m sweating. I guess she wants me to say something to them. To step in and tell them to leave her the fuck alone. The friendly clown looks like he could help her out. And I want to. I want to stop them so bad. I want to get up to those guys and tell them to fuck off. To leave the girl alone with her book, Alice and her imagination. But my body won`t let me. I am frozen. My legs won`t move. I`m just sitting there. What kinda man am I, to not help her out? Just a sad clown on the subway. Nothing more. All I wanna do is cry.

And there it comes….. hmmm... haha. I shake my head. No. please not now. Not in front of a pretty girl and some bullies. This is bad. I`m in deep shit now. I can`t hold it back. The pain. The urge to cry, to shout out. To scream.

The laughter. Its making its way up my throath again. I want it to stop! At the same time there is something inside of me that acually thinks that this is funny. Those drunk idiots trying to impress a girl by throwing french fries at her and I`m actually hoping to learn something here when they came in. What a joke.

I can tell by their dirty looks that I already caught attention . The wrong kinda attention. the kind of attention I`ve never asked for. Leave me alone to cry.

“Is something funny, asshole?” his voice is hurting me. I try to tell him that he should ignore my laughter by gestures, but he doesnt get it. I guess the girl is scared of me now which makes it all so much worse.. She passes me by,disappearing, as the guys throws stuff at her “Bitch!”

Hahahahhahahah. I reach the point of pain right now. My throath feels sore from trying to hold it back. My heart tired from asking myself why I am still laughing.

And just as the pain starts to spread its fire on my insides, the guy comes up to me, starting to sing. I know that song. I know it well. “Isnt it rich? Are we a pair? Me here at last on the ground. You in mid air. Send in the clowns.”

A chalkboard. Chairs. That smell. My teacher looking at me like i´m a freak. Fists. And more fists.

With every step he comes closer I get flashbacks from getting bullied at scool. The look in his face. in his eyes. I know that kinda look. He`s a fucking bully. And I`m his victim. Nothing new I know. But that song…it really gets me. I love Frank Sinatra. His music means so much to me. It hurts that this guy is using it against me like a weapon.

“Isnt it bliss. Dont you appprove? One who keeps tearing around, one who cant move?”

Yeah….thats right……hahahahhaah I CANT move while you are dancing around like an idiot. Hurting me. Do you have any idea how much you are hurting me? Look at my face. I´m hurt. I`m in pain. But people never notice and you keep on dancing. You`re the one who is laughing. Not me. I`m crying while I have to listen to your terrible interpretation of Send in the clowns. You can`t even carry a fucking tune!!!!

“Send in the cloooooowwwnnnsss” he sings, his eyes focused on me in a disgusting way, while the other one is sitting down next to me. I feel intimitated as he grabs my Carnival wig, exposing my real hair , while I cant stop laughing with pain in my eyes. Not the wig. Please not the wig. I need it. I cant afford another one and I have to find a new job as a clown soon.

“There ought to be CLOOOOOOOWWWWNNSSS…..” the first one looks at me in anger, the second one putting my wig on, laughing right into my face. I can smell the alcohol in his breath. The way he laughs at me. So rude. Just like back in scool. I`m back in scool. This is a nightmare. Why would they want to hurt me? Don`t they realize I just want to be left alone? I wish they would go away. Why is no one else around? But I guess I dont deserve someone saving me. I wasnt even able to hold them back from annoying the girl.

“So tell us buddy. Whats so fuckin funny?”

“Nothing!”. Finally my chance to explain myself.

Hahahhahahah “I have….I have a condition” I try to catch my breath. Its so hard to breathe, so hard to talk between the laughs. My hand reaches for the card. I have to read it out loud, so they know.

Its too late.

“I´ll tell you what you have, asshole” he replies, grabbing my bag. I try to get it back, but the other is fast, holding me back. Grabbing me violently from behind, while the first one tries to attack me. I cant belive this is happenening.

I cant use my arms. This is worse than being handcuffed. I kick the guy in front of me. Kinda shocked I was able to make a move.

“We got a kicker, huh?” he says. “Hold him steady, hold him steady” he screams, right fore he punshes me right in the face ,so hard that the other one lets go of me. The next thing I feel is hitting the ground. Hard. Lying there with a sharp pain that makes its way althrouh my body. I lie on my right side. My ribs hurt´. My head is pounding, hands touching the dirty ground, trying to figure out if this is really happening ? I cant move. Freezemode is taking over. . I just cant do anything but take it like a good, little boy.

I`m a kid. Just a kid again. And its dark. And I dont know where I am. Or what day it is.

“Stay down,freak!“

Happy

Freak

Arthur, my name is Arthur.

They kick me in the back.Harder. All three of them now.

For a moment I am afraid they will kick me to death. Three guys and some clown, paralyzed on the floor? I could definitaly die in here and no one will ever know. I`m not afarid of dying. But this isnt how I want to go. Not on the floor. Not while getting kicked by some assholes. They would step over my dead body and I would remain invisible..I cant let them do this to me. Not again.

Is this my inner voice talking? The one I used to feel lately? Is this the blurry part of my reflection?

I feel my left arm moving and remember the gun. The fucking gun Randall gave to me. The weapon that brought me nothing but trouble. Maybe this thing will be good for something eventually. Maybe it will save my life. Well Randall. Sorry for ruin your plan.

Those guys will get what they deserve now.

Bang! Bang!

That was fast. One is already on the ground.

Bang! Bang!

I never thought it could be so easy to defend yourself.

The other one is hitting the subway door.

There is blood but no time to take a look at it. The third one tries to run away as I fire the gun one more time. I only caught his leg. He`s liping, as I grab my stuff, trying to catch my breath. To get my thoughts straight. The gun in my hand. God. there is a gun in my hand. Still. For a brief moment I seem to lose all orientation. Did i just killed someone? What should I do now? What about the third one? My mind is all over the place.

Breathe, Arthur. Breathe. I have a lump in my throath. Not sure if from the laughing or from the panic.

The sound of the guy banging against the subway door awakens me from my thoughts. The door opens and he tries to get away. But he won`t. I`m a fast runner and he can barely walk. I have to finish this now. Just one more guy. I have to bring this to an end. One more shot. He falls to the ground.

How does it feel there, on the dirty ground? Can you taste the concrete? Because I did.

Can you feel the cold against your aching bones? Well, I did. And it was crawling up its way on my insides.

You killed me first.

Every single one of you bullies.

You killed my hopes and dreams.

My innocence.

This is what you finally get.

Do you see me now?

Can you feel, that I am real?

Because I am.

And so is this gun.

I ran up close to him as he screams, trying to crawl closer to the stairs.

No one heard MY whimpers when I thought I was almost dying in the alley.

I fire the gun. Bang Bang Bang. Until there are no bullets left. Until he doesnt move anymore.

Freeze mode, huh? How does it feel?

One who keeps tearing around. One who cant move.

And then… silence.

Exept the noise in my ears. I take a short look at the body lying in front of me. He really is dead. Huh. . Kinda surprising what a gun can do.

I press my hand against my ears. That noise. I hope there will be music again, soon.

I take a look around. No one is there. Time to grab my stuff and get gone.

I ran up the stairs as fast as I can and feel myself changing with every step I take, with every short breath I become something.

There is a glow inside, as I run into an unknown desitination, my shadow ahead of myself

#arthur fleck #arthur fleck fanfiction #arthur fleck fanfic #joker arthur fleck #joker fanfiction #joker fanfic #fanfiction #dc #joker 2019 #joker movie #arthur fleck imagine #joker imagines #pov #joaquinphoenix #joaquin phoenix joker

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izukult · 4 years

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sorry i can’t have you? one up me? so this playlist isn’t part of the matchups i’m sorry😞🤝

here you go IDIOT CHILD ( @rat-bastar ) being your friend is so hard 😁

choke - i don’t know how but they found me

ok absolutely your vibes. if you got the chance you would bitch slap me, we both know it. you big ol bully. this is the vibey pop ish version of a villain song and it’s such a hype song in my opinion idk

love me dead - ludo

we’ve established its a good song ok🤝. idk lmao play this while you’re thinking ab your friend OR her ex gf ;) as of my knowledge those the mfs you simp for or whateva LMAO

lemons (demo)

please. PLEASE THIS ONE IS SO OBVIOUS. you vibes. absolute you vibes. you @ me. you @ everyone. you play this on full volume while you try to convince yourself you hate everyone. you play this while judging every violin player ever. you play this glaring at maliek or whagever his name is. this song is you

piano man - billy joel

i saw this on one of your playlists lol BUT i feel like this is something you would blare on the bus or on your way to a fucking debate tournament you fucking loser

hesitation - hot flash heat wave

such a good song. this also feels like something you would listen to while you think ab other people. i dunno it’s got that sweet, sweet ‘condescending to hide real emotions’ energy and it’s vibey and it’s kinda sad yea

waltz #2 (xo) - elliott smith

don’t even get me started on how big of an elliott smith can i was. you def give him vibes but i mean that as a compliment?? i can imagine you with ur head down hands in ur pockets being all bummed out and angry walking up the hill to ur house idk that’s very niche oddly specific? i never really realized this song had BIG BIG BIG you vibes until i started typing this but i’m listening to the lyrics and it’s like describing you go off ig

everyone hates his parents - falsettos

i know you love falsettos and we both know we love to shit talk our parents so. it just seems to make sense. ALSO i feel like we would argue like marvin and trina or marvin and whizzer or marvin and anyone LOL

colorful penguins - we shore is dedicated

ok i know iM the one working, but this song please. listen to it. listen to the music. to the tone of voice. to the certain old tavern rustic vibe. that’s you. i cant rly describe it but the vibe of this song is your vibe

beachboy - mccafferty

well we have the shared mother’s name in the beginning there and that’s fun for me. also we know that i be smoking and yada yada and i know your friends do too and i feel like this song is just you dealing w ur friends dummy habits and angry fast sing

hannah - swmrs

something about this song just feels like a convo we’d have?? like in my head i can tell what you would say and what i would say IDK LMAO maybe that’s just me but it’s also a good song

problems - mother mother

this song. LMAOOOO. the way you constantly BULLY me i feel like this song is how you present urself to other ppl v some deep shit like how you feel ab urself idk i’m not ur therapist ur apparently mine w how much you be psychoanalyzing me🤨. ALSO you’d scream this dont argue w me

i love you like an alcoholic - the taxpayers

multiple things here. again those crusty cobblestone streets at night after it rains where someone’s getting murdered in an alleyway vibes that you give. and i feel like if u were ever like <3 at someone, this is how you’d feel idc bitch

seashore - the regrettes

i love this band sm pls i want to kiss her. ANYWAY feels again like a you @ the world song. you just feel like someone who would shove someone in a trash can if they said one wrong word about you & i rly appreciate it

gooey - glass animals

this song feels like something that would be on a playlist with “i know this:” and i thought you’d like those vibes. sorry for the peanut butter reference

chicago - flipturn

you feel like someone who would let me play flipturn and pretend to hate it cos you pretend to hate everything i do but actually vibe w it so

everybody loves raymond (except for me) - mookamay

this is the girl i was tellin u ab who wrote the songs ab me YEA THIS IS ONE OF THE SONGS AB ME SO I FIGURED YOU WOULD APPRECIATE A SONG THAT WAS KIND OF A SLIGHT TO ME SO LMAO I PUT IT ON THERE. basically this is a song ab someone literally getting tired of ME so yknow felt fitting 😁‼️ (this one is mostly a joke and i will probably take it off the playlist but it still stands)

power over me - dermot kennedy

you seem like someone who would listen to dermot kennedy which is fair bc i used to scream this shit in the shower i would just have a lil concert and you give me the same vibe this one isn’t that deep

ghost duet - louie zong

lol some serotonin. just this playin in the background while u game

iris - the goo goo dolls

just a rly good song. just a rly good song that fits ur vibe. also if u were ever in love i also stand by saying you would listen to this & think ab them

dream sweet in sea major - miracle musical

if you were ever listen to “soft music🥺✊” this would be your version of it

bs - still woozy

I TOLD U TO LISTEN TO THIS AND I DONT THINK YOU DID YOU BITCH SO NOW I WILL FORCE YOU. also i have brown eyes so basically this is everyone including u @ me it’s ok ur human u can’t be blamed for acknowledging my charm ;) 😁🤝

paper thin hotel - matt maltese

you just seem like someone who would listen to him during a depressive episode

troubled mind - cannibal kids

cant find the right words for this one but like gives me you trying to be there for someone and coming off as apathetic and someone not knowing how to be a proper friend to you and yall just space vibes yknow what i mean?? Idk

bloom (bonus track) - the paper kites

if you and a girl (strictly a girl idc that this was written by a dude no fucking guy gets this song) were in love. like in any way. romantic love, platonic love, competitive love idgaf i just feel like THIS has the vibe for u

kill the director - the wombats

i don’t care THIS IS YOU IN LOVE. I THINK YOUD HATE HAVING REAL FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE. YOUD DEF BE THE PERSON TO IGNORE IT AND YOU BULLY THEM JUST A L I L EXTRA AND YOU DO LIL THINGS THAT SHOW U LIKE EM LIKE IF YOU RLY PAY ATTENTION YOU CAN PICK IT UP but no way you’re gonna express that shit LMAO

i got the blues - big bill broonzy

i dunno this ones just a banger

dirty imbecile - the happy first

this is you having a breakdown. that’s all! thanks queen!

under my skin - jukebox the ghost

very similar to lemons but also different?? you getting pissed at everyone but having a select couple ppl you cherish 👍

song for me - greer

where do i START? you not properly voicing emotions ? preppy pessimism ? dissociation ? vibing ? teen angst ? good vibes ? in love w ideas ?

my explanations aren’t as good as urs but also i’m cool so 👍 ur welcome you’ve been blessed by a personalized playlist from ME 🙄🙌 not from no bitchass capitalist anime character 😐

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mollydollyjournals · 3 years

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Lol this always happens. I feel sad and shit and worthless basically all the time but then i have a drink and suddenly i wanna talk about it. Or talk about anything that makes me feel like i can actually relate to people who want to relate to me. I have a message from my friend, who probably at this point is my best friend, a reply to something i sent before. But it says shes had a really hectic day and i remember her saying everything she was doing so i dont wanna start being talkative. She probably needs to rest. She doesnt often say no to people even when she needs to so i dont want to push.

When i was at her place the other day i mentioned i had a tumblr where i talk about mental health "bad stuff." She asked if it might be a good thing to get my tumblr just so she knows im okay. I felt like its nice of her to ask but i dont want to bother her with it when i know she has her own stuff to deal with. I ssid it was for me to post all my worst stuff and she said something like 'yeah you should be able to post if ive annoyed you' but like its not that, its just 1) i much more bluntly state here what i really want to talk about on my regular social media, about struggling and wanting to die and feeling shit shoht myself etc, and 2) she's the person im most jealous of. Not because she doesnt deserve the nice things, i just want them too. Whenever we go anywhere together people will stop her in the street and compliment her, and they act like i dont exist. Even if i felt like i didnt look so bad that day.

Ive mentioned this before. I hate it. Im glad that even my initial intrusive thoughts havent been that i wish she didnt have x good thing, but i really struggle knowing that its all stuff i want and cant have. Shes a genuinely wonderful person, but shes also everything ive always wanted to be.

Ive sort of mentioned this to her in the past as she was dating my husband a couple of years ago. I had a huge freakout, and i dont usually get jealous with poly stuff. It just hit all my triggers and i felt like i was gonna get forgotten. In the end they broke up for a few reasons but yeah.

Idk. Like maybe i put her on a pedestal or something. Thats not fair to anyone. I just also relate to her about a lot of stuff, so i like talking to her about shit thats on my mind, but i dont want to be a bother. And this is the person who's probably the lost validating to me with telling me that im not being a bother, because she knows what that insecurity feels like. Idk i just dont want to be too much. I dont know how to not be too much except to pull back entirely. Anyone whos ever been close to me has had to keep pushing me for it and deal with me being nervous as shit. If i really dont want to be around someone I'll straight up tell them, but even when i do want to hang with someone, im so bad at saying so. Im a fucking adult why cant i do it. But all the people close to me, i thought about it at some point and realised its the same with all of them - they had to keep sending the first message and coming to see me and making it super clear they wanted to be around me.

I always see stuff like 'if they want to talk to you they will' and thats exactly my problem. I think like that. But if people think like that about me, it looks like i hate everyone. I want to talk to people a lot but i just might be too nervous, or not know what to say, or all kinds of things. And i guess that's fine if thats all thats in your way of messaging me, but realistically surely its not fair if i always expect other people to send the first message and invite me places etc. The only way i know to get around it is drinking, and it doesnt even always work, and then its just another reason i have such a drinking problem, and then i feel like the pathetic alcoholic acquaintance that nobody wants to be around, and its just the same shit.

Its not like i didnt know this would happen. I dont get any decent social interaction out of drinking anymore. It makes me more talkative and more direct but people will either get weirded out by that or they already know me and it doesnt make any difference to them. I still sober up and feel like i made everything awkward. I always feel like i made everything awkward. I always need so much reassurance. Its tiring.

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sargentr · 5 years

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my fave drarry fics of all time, part one

so, after discovering i’ve officially been reading drarry fanfic for 4 years now, i decided to show my (quite big) list of favorite drarry fics. there are 46 in total, but i’ve listed 10 down below. the first three are my absolute favorites but the rest are equally as good

most of my notes are fresh from when i wrote them post-reading. i’ve changed some, seeming less like a crazy unstable bitch, but fuck these were all emotional as fuck. enjoy

ps: i dont really know how to tag people i dont follow. i cant try and tag the authors later. soz!!

pps: most of these i read when i was really into a bottom!draco phase, so most of them contain that, some are switch tho (as it should be, yikes past me)

1. Everything That Happen is From Now On / ~43K

After surviving a brutal assault, Draco tries to navigate the tumultuous waters of his mind, and embrace a bit of love and trust in his life. After all, the smallest steps forward can begin to heal the most fractured of souls

okay so before i get in to how beautiful this story is, i wanna say that it does touch on rape quite explicitly. i cried like an idiot reading the entire thing, because draco’s pain is navigated in the most beautiful and realistic way. it touches on a subject very risky for me, very personal, and i still can’t think of a better drarry story. draco’s very draco about it all, and harry is very harry about it all. it’s just perfect, and messy, and tender, and sad. i’ve reread it more than any other fic, and it doesn’t disappoint.

2. Pocket Full of Starlight / ~46K

When Scorpius Malfoy and Jamie Potter meet at Quidditch camp, they take an instant dislike to each other. Then they discover their lives are more connected than they could possibly imagine.

ah yes. the magic of kid fics. the TASTE

parent trap au. i read this one recently, like 3 months back, and absolutely fell in love with everything about it, partially because the parent trap is legit one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. its just. the essence, the IDEA, is soooo mf beautiful. i cant get enough of reading when harry or draco finally meet the other twin, or how they cant stop loving each other even after 11 years. my heart clenched throughout the whole thing.

3. Temptations on the Warfront / ~180K

Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes.

this was the first drarry fic ive ever read, and before this mf i HATEDDD this pairing. so you can imagine how much it took to convince me otherwise, bc i was 100% scorbus before this.

to be fair, horcrux hunting with draco involved is, possibly, my favorite trope ever. its unique. theres tension, both sexual and life threatening. in some ways it romanticizes the war, but fuck it it aint a real war.

slowest of burns. amazing. life changing. long as hell. nothing else to be said except read it right now i demand it.

4. Clouding the Senses / ~58K

As everyone returns to Hogwarts for a final eighth year, some people are coping better with the aftermath of the war than others. After encountering a very drunk Draco Malfoy one night, Harry realises that maybe those that lost loved ones aren’t the only ones trying to escape the war. Blaise Zabini seems to think Harry can help Malfoy, that the Slytherin might actually listen to him. Harry is not so sure. Dependence is a tricky thing, and one addiction can quickly shift to another.

everyone that reads drarry loves 8th year fics, but this ones just kinda different from all those normal (yet entertaining) ones. draco’s an alcoholic in this, and one night harry tries to help him and whoops, one thing leads to the other and they start having casual sex. its really, really amazing how both draco and harry navigate the addiction, i really cant say it has any flaws.

i know the author got a lot of hate on their fics and thats why they took them down, but they’re truly one of the best drarry authors out there. i’ve reread this a couple of times, and the tenderness, the love and confusion is all very on character. a+

5. Restraint / ~153K

Someone casts the Imperius curse on Draco Malfoy, and whatever the instructions may be, Harry finds himself an unwilling target. The encounter leaves him torn between pleasure and revulsion. As they fight in the aftermath, a tense game begins. Harry fights to convince Malfoy, and himself, that he was not affected by that initial encounter, or any of those following it.

Faced with a series of escalating encounters, Harry must come to terms with desiring things he never thought he could, things he wishes he didn’t respond to. They each use signs of arousal as weapons against each other in a mad struggle to finally shame the other into backing down for good.

But it’s only after the game is over that Harry starts to understand.

this is by the same author of clouding the senses, and i read this just this week. at first, it’s shocking, because it plays around with consent in a very unsettling way. when communication comes in, and its starts getting healthier, you can really understand where the author found the idea of playing with consent. it is, in my opinion, 100% characteristic of how they would behave post-war, with that grief and confusion. it’s also dom/sub in some parts, and that’s mf hot.

it also has my favorite tropes in it, but it’s a spoiler to say which one. i’ll probably mention the trope in the list along with a bunch others, but when u finish reading you’ll know which one ;)

6. Humbug / ~30K

Draco has been taking his casual relationship with Harry for granted. Visits from four key ghosts the night before Christmas just might shake up his priorities in life.

(felt like it was valid to just paste what i wrote in my notes app after reading this)

(FUCKKKKKK HOW TO EVEN START?!!!?? just a fucking bonus, draco is THE best bottom o ever exist i love my bottom son so much. this story isnt only amazing it’s excruciatingly painful to read, harry and draco have been sleeping together but harry is completely in love with him. draco doesnt see how much harry cares for him or how much hes hurting harry by treating their fling like its just that, a FLING. with that, draco is haunted by three ghosts. one of the past, the present and the future, AND THEY SET THAT IDIOT STRAIGHTTTT 1800000/10. the gays DO KEEP MF WINNING!!!

7. in your arms, rests my world / ~24K

Harry presses his mouth to Malfoy's forehead; he wants to tell him that he’ll never leave, that he wouldn’t dream of it.

“You make me feel safe, Potter” Malfoy whispers. “You keep me safe.”

the friends with benefits trope doesnt ever disappoint, top 5 tropes fr, especially if its also 8th year. harry and draco get into their little thing, but of course nothing ever is simple between them. by the preview, you can clearly see how much draco likes harry (also another 10/10 trope, the ‘i’ve been in love with harry potter since i was 11′ one). my only tiny issue with this is that harry fucks it up just a tad, but it of course adds up to the drama of it all, which i absolutely love.

noting it also touches on non-con/rape and, and all in all, is extremely angsty. one i was tense from beginning to end. but i am gonna say it ends amazingly and v happily.

8. Playing the Hero / ~29K

Nobody kissed me like Harry did. He kissed like he flew; he kissed like he duelled - with his whole being, not caring about anything else. I had never felt as vulnerable as I did when he kissed me, seizing all and any control I had over myself. But when Harry kissed me, I felt free...

so the thing about angst is that it ignites that mf feeling side u that even tho it hurts you cannot get enough of. this fic was EVERYTHINGGG. it made cry and laugh and smile. also another trope i absolutely adore is them breaking up and not being 100% ok with that, bc ding ding!! YALL STILL LOVE EACH OTHER!!

i cant describe how i felt, honestly. i would just paste my notes (i wont bc spoilers) but it looks like i went thru sum shit. deadass

9. fine i’ll hold my breath / till i forget it’s complicated / ~ 15K with the two parts

Harry and Draco become friends with benefits, and Harry thinks it's more complicated than it actually is.

u know, fluff is a drug. i dont know if its beucase 90% of drarry fics are about angsty get-togethers, but i had butterflies in my stomach when i read this. its adorable. draco is so clearly in love, he jusT SMILES A LOT I CANTTT.

its cute. i love it to death. have some fluff before starting your day.

10. Un Noël très parisien / ~14K

When Draco crossed paths with Auror Potter at a political function in Paris, he was not expecting their former animosity to change into something rather more intriguing. But he could be certain their casual flirtation would not last more than the night, couldn't he?

look. i know i named a lot of my favorite tropes here, but i cant end this without mentioning how much single dad draco affects me. i love scorpius and how much he changes draco in every fic he appears. i love parent draco and i shant be silent about it (especially when scorpius is legit just a year old in this. i died)

as it states, harry and draco have a one night stand but draco thinks thats it, that it was all he was ever gonna have. he’s wrong of course, and the path it takes, with both scorpius and harry there, just melted my mf heart.

well kids that’s all i have for now. imma work on a part two with 10 other fics i really love!1

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry fanfiction #draco malfoy #harry potter #gay #mlm #fanfiction #scorpius malfoy #albus potter #lgbtq fanfiction

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kweebtrash · 5 years

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Eres Mia (M)

Messy Chapter 8

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Angst, Smut, a smidge of fluff/awkwardness

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: mentions of drugs/alcohol, talks about suicide, the teeeeniest bit of violence, possibility of emotional manipulation, jealousy/possessiveness

Features: unprotected sex, creampies, rough fingering/finger sucking, oral/throat fucking, a little hint of bondage, rough hair grabbing, squirting, overstretching/gaping, daddy/princess dynamics, choking, relentless/brutal/deep thrusting, a bit of overstimulation/multiple orgasms, also being covered in cum

Word Count: 21,103K

A/N: So explanation about this chapter: It has some cultural references that maybe not everyone will get but I can explain them if anyone wants to send me a question about it. If you haven’t figured it out (or even just made a generalization) Eri is afro-carribean (the exact island is left vague on purpose, but it would be in the latinx part of the cluster). There’s also spanish in the chapter and tbh use google translate and if you still have problems again just message me.

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The Boys Group Chat

Taeyong: 5

Lucas: what???

Ten: 5 what?

Taeyong: my score with Eri is at 5.

Lucas: HOLY FUCK

Taeil: OHHH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED.

Ten: how?? When??? What???!

Taeyong: last night. Shower. Against the wall. In the bed twice. And our usual against the door.

Lucas: how tf did u manage that??

Lucas: i thought you hated her

Taeyong: i never hated her. It was just the drama and shit

Taeyong: like at the party i just didn’t want a fight to break out. i didn’t want the cops called or anything

Taeyong: so like i kicked her out but it was just because i knew she would have thrown the first punch

Lucas: well you aren’t really wrong

Lucas: i don’t blame you for not wanting the cops to show up

Taeyong: i had under 21 friends there. I didn’t want them to get in trouble

Ten: how did you even manage to get her to fuck you???

Taeyong: she called me actually. She was drunk af but sobered up before she got here

Ten: i cannot believe

Ten: i haven’t even been able to get with her AT ALL lately

Johnny: wtf is going on

Taeil: oooooooffff this is….

Ten: the tea brews itself

Johnny: Taeyong what did you say

Taeyong: i fucked your girl. She came to me instead of coming to you

Yuta: dude this is…

Johnny: don’t go near her again

Johnny: i mean it

Taeyong: dude i’m not scared of you

Taeyong: yall arent even official

Johnny: i don’t care

Johnny: dont touch her

Yuta: johnny quit it

Yuta: you can’t hog her to yourself

Yuta: just like jae can’t hog quinn

Ten: just admit ur jealous and move on.

Johnny: im not jealous

Johnny: you just dont deserve her after the stunt you pulled at the party

Taeyong: clearly i do because shes been thinking about fucking me for a long time

Taeyong: maybe even while shes been fucking you.

(Johnny has left the chat)

Ten: fuck

Yuta: this is getting fucking ridiculous

Yuta: i mean she texted me like when she was with him i think

Yuta: like she didnt care that she was with him and was being cute with me

Lucas: she flirts with everyone

Lucas: do you think she does actually wanna be with him?

Taeyong: who cares

Taeyong: fact of the matter is shes up for grabs

Taeyong: and if I wanna go after her i will

Yuta: WHOA WHOA

Yuta: you mean try and date her?

Ten: taeyong thats not a good idea

Taeyong: i never said id date her

Taeyong: but if shit happens, shit happens

Taeyong: thats all im saying

–

It was strange waking up in bed next to Taeyong. We had never done that before especially since the last time we were together we had to leave the office quickly. He looked strangely innocent when he slept, his shaggy hair ruffled and sticking up in random places and lips slightly pouted. I watched his chest rise and fall with each soft breath for a moment while I tried to keep my head from spinning. This…might have been a bad idea. I was in my feelings for Johnny and I knew that I only hooked up with Taeyong as a sort of rebound/revenge plot. I didn’t want to tell him that but I was sure we were still platonic enough that it didn’t matter. Taeyong wouldn’t make things weird or messy. This would just be a one time thing…or a five time thing. We may have gotten a bit carried away. He was tentative in the shower, making sure that I was still sober enough to be okay. He washed me, helped me wash my hair, and let the heated water run over me to warm me up. And when he slid down to wash my legs his lips met between my thighs and I couldn’t help but give in to his tongue.

He was no Taeil but he knew enough to make me try and steady myself against the slippery tile and grip onto his hair tightly. It was relaxing to finally get off by being eaten out, to just sit back and let him do all the work. It was definitely something I missed. After the shower, we dried off and he put me into some of his pjs (which were tight as all hell on me) and we relaxed in his bed. I got some more water in me and slowly weaned off the rest of the alcohol. Somewhere in the middle of trying to sleep we got lost in each other’s lips which somehow lead to him keeping me against his bedroom wall and fucking me as deep as he could go. Mid morning came and we didn’t want to get up. So of course the next option was to 69 then fuck me into the mattress. Just when I thought I would finally be able to leave he wouldn’t stop kissing me as I got to his bedroom door and we had a proper deja vu moment of last semester.

By the time I actually got home it was late at night and I was sore as all hell. I left him covered in hickies, scratches, and bite marks- my typical calling card- and he left me wanting to sleep for days. I collapsed on my bed unmoving for hours on end and barely making it to class the next day. Johnny was there of course and I tried my best to avoid him like the plague. That was always the hardest part. When we were on our highs, being next to each other radiated chemistry and we would rather pass the time sexting than paying attention. When we were on our lows, everything was ice cold and I detested even being within his vicinity. He still wouldn’t open up to me or even let me tell him that it was okay to cry. He didn’t need to worry about that with me. Of course he wouldn’t listen and we were stuck in a frozen tundra that didn’t let us move one way or the other. I tried my best to instead focus on studying for once. My grades were alright but they could definitely be better and I didn’t want to have to waste more money repeating classes. I spent my nights hitting the books and hoping I could retain enough information to pass. I was holed up in my room as usual when I heard knocking on the front door and i wondered if maybe Quinn forgot their keys. It seemed a little early for them to come home from being with Jae. I set my textbook down onto my desk and padded towards the living room. When I opened the door I hated what I saw.

His eyes were bright red and he reeked of menthol and weed. He leaned against the door frame, a big grin on his face that happiness didn’t seem to be the cause of. “What are you doing here?” I whispered in disbelief.

“What am i doing here?” He licked his lips and chuckled. “What are you doing fucking Taeyong?”

My eyes went wide. “Did he…did he tell you?”

“He told everyone in our chat. 5 times, huh? That a record or something?”

I backed away from him hating how he was acting and being hurt that what I did was blasted over some group chat. I couldn’t believe Taeyong would do something like that. I had stated plenty of times who i had hooked up with but it was on my terms, with my permission, not like gossiping around a watering hole. “You need to leave.” I swallowed hard and didn’t look at him. My voice was too unsteady for that.

I heard the door snap shut and looked up to find him looming over me. “Not a chance. Not until I make you forget all about that stupid bastard.”

He grabbed onto my sweater and pulled me towards him, easily overpowering me to crash his lips against mine. I clawed at his coat, digging into the soft fabric as I tried forcing myself away. I slammed the side of my fist into his chest and pushed him back. “NO! You don’t get to do this! You don’t get to come back into my life whenever you decide to! I’m not something to have at your convenience and I sure as hell don’t need you to keep leading me on.”

“Leading you on? Where am I leading you too?” His hands still had a hold of my neck and shoulders which I could not shake.

I could feel the tears already trying to come forth but i grounded myself, dug deep within me to stop them. “Leading me to you. I always get led back to you.”

“You don’t want to get led back to me.” He laughed. “I’m fuckin’ useless!”

I grabbed at his hands, wanting them off me. “Stop that! I’m not your fucking therapy and my purpose is not to fix you.”

“I don’t want to be fixed! I want to be fucked!”

“And that’s another layer to your goddamn problem, Johnny! Life isn’t all about diving into sex to make yourself forget! You need to reevaluate what’s going on in your life before you put your hands on someone else’s.”

“I don’t want you to have Taeyong on you.” He kissed me, gentler this time. “Or Lucas.” Another kiss. “Or Taeil.” A small lick. “Or Yuta.” He sucked on my bottom lip for a second before kissing me again. “Or anyone else.”

“You cant have me all to yourself. That isn’t how this works. You don’t want me, you only want what you see on the surface. You don’t give a shit about what’s beneath and you definitely don’t want to see it.”

He released me from his grasp and scoffed. “The surface? I’ve let you dig inside my brain more than anyone else in my life. You’re stuck inside there now, you can’t move. You know how sick i’ve felt, how weak i am, how less of a man i am-”

“Save that bullshit, Johnny! It’s not true! I told you it was okay to cry! It doesn’t mean you’re less of a man! It just means you’re a normal human being. Men can cry. Men can show emotion and they should. I just wanted to help…to be there for you.”

“You’re wrong. I’ve always had to be the man. There wasn’t any room for me to cry!” He screamed. “You want to talk about not wanting what’s beneath the surface? You’re already there, Eri. You’ve seen everything I could possibly hate to show anyone.”

“And yet you’re coming to me just so you can be buried inside something for an hour or two. That’s what it’s actually like to feel useless and discarded. I know you don’t fucking care and you never will.”

“This is starting to get messy…it’s a clusterfuck and it keeps growing.”

“You just keep fueling the fire.” I said. “I’m not going back. I can’t. My heart can’t take it. I hate seeing you like this. I hate hearing you like this and I want to help. I really do. But i can only take so much before you start swallowing me whole.”

He grabbed me again, pressing me against the door and trapping me between it and his body. “This is how you help.” His breath was heavy against my neck, tickling the sensitive skin there. I shuddered and failed to squirm away from him. “I know you’re not going to fix me. I can do that on my own, eventually, but right here, right now this is what I want.”

“Well i don’t.” The tears fell and i slammed my fist back against the door, pissed entirely that it was happening again. I shouldn’t be crying over him anymore. “I don’t want to be what you push inside of. You don’t want to know what’s really going on with me. You’d run away from me as much as I want to run from you.”

“You think i’d be scared of what you’ve done? What you’ve been through? Its nothing, Eri.” He grabbed my chin and and jerked my head to the side so he could growl in my ear. “I want you. Raw. Dirty.”

“You want me black out drunk? You want me with a broken hand through drywall? You want me bleeding out in a tub with a knife in my hand? You want me laying on the floor unable to breathe and falling in and out of consciousness? You want me running away from the one good thing i’ve ever had in my life?” My voice trembled again. “You want me hiding who i really am from my family? You want me watching myself be the cause of people’s hurt? Because that’s what’s really raw and dirty. Or do you just want to fuck as always?”

He hoisted me onto his waist suddenly, crushing me now to the point where i could barely breathe. I wrapped my legs around his as he shoved his forehead against mine. “Give me it. Give me all of it, Eri.”

I tried not to kiss him, i really did, but my heart shoved me towards it. My tongue slid out to creep into his mouth which he warmly accepted. It was angry, heated, rushed, and broken- like the entirety of our relationship. I was clutching onto him desperately as if I was trying to shock my system back into loathing him. It didn’t matter if I made drunken mistakes or if he made drugged out ones, every time, we somehow found a way back to each other as if we were tied with a string of fate. “Why?” I whispered when I finally caught my breath. “Why don’t you talk to me? For weeks at a time…it hurts…”

“Because i hate the way I feel about you.” He panted.

I licked my lips and hovered them over his. “How do you feel about me?”

He shook his head. “I…don’t worry about it. I’m faded as fuck right now. It won’t matter what I say.”

“Clearly it fucking does.”

“It’s only gonna get more fucked up between us.”

“It already is fucked up! Were fucked up! This whole shit is fucked up! We were supposed to hook up at the summer party and that’s it!!”

“Yeah and here you are fucking Taeyong and Yuta and whoever else you’d let inside you.”

I slapped him. The first time i’d ever wanted to hit him at all. I would’ve never laid a hand on him especially after all he had been through- i never wanted to be that person. Ever. But he crossed a fucking line and that small dangerous part of my brain was a ticking time bomb. He dropped me then and I fell right on my ass. I scrambled to get up as he stood there motionless.

“Dont…dont ever do that.” He whispered harshly.

“I didn’t want to! But don’t you ever come for who I sleep with! You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to be a hypocrite because you’re fucking jealous! What are you even jealous for? I’m not your girlfriend!”

“AND YOU NEVER WILL BE!”

I felt a stab of pain through my chest that hurt worse than anything I had ever felt before. Was this…was this what Jungwoo felt? Had karma finally come to get me and pay me back for what I did to him all those years ago? It felt like I couldn’t breathe but I could definitely feel the tears flowing down my cheeks like a river. His eyes went wide and he took a step towards me. I took one back before sprinting to my room. I slammed the door shut, pressing myself against it and sliding to the floor.

He pounded his fists against it, begging me to open it. I was afraid he was going to break through the wood with how hard he was rattling the door. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in my thighs, staining my pajamas pants with tears.

“I-im sorry, ok?”

No you’re not.

“I didn’t mean for it to be like this.”

Well it is now, so fuck you.

“I don’t know what I really want, Eri.”

I guess…i don’t really know either. Should you even be my boyfriend at this point? What would I do once I had you? Would my fear of love go away? Or would you make it worse?

“I like when we spend time together. You’re cool as fuck but we…we cant be like that. You know that right? I don’t get with people and stay with them. We can only fuck…”

I hate you. Go away. Leave me alone.

“I guess i’m broken or whatever you want to call it but i’m not a charity case. I don’t want you to pity me or feel like you have to take care of me. Like you said, it’s not your job. But for right now…this is how I handle stuff, just like how you handle stuff your way, you know?”

By being a drunk partied out mess, i know. Hungry for attention, starving for someone to care for them, and completely barren of love but wanting to fill that void somehow.

“I’m not fine. I haven’t been fine for a long time. My anxiety never used to be this bad. I never even used to have night terrors or panic attacks. It just got worse after…after the first time i got…you know, what I told you about before. Then college happened and it was so much pressure and I wanted to make my mom proud and happy and take care of her because my dad never did. You know even when i felt so fucking empty around Rixi, i didn’t sleep for 2 whole days because I was studying my ass off for midterms just to keep my straight A’s?” He let out a soft chuckle. “I have a 4.0, hookup with dozens of girls, work three jobs, go to the gym, and try and do my art. When i say that i run on energy drinks and coffee i’m not kidding.”

That’s adding to your anxiety, stupid. And so is the weed. And your inability to FUCKING communicate. Why do you have to be such a stupid dumb….MAN all the time?!

“I know that doesn’t matter to you-”

It does because I know you’re hardworking and care about what you do. You’re a passionate soul and i love that about you. You’re so dedicated.

“But i dont know…i guess I wanted to tell you anyway. I’m not making excuses. I know what I do is my own damn fault but i just wanted you to know.”

I shifted slightly and reached up for the door handle, scooting away to pull it open slightly. I peeked my head through the gap and he looked at me, eyes a bit puffy as if he had been crying too. He wiped his nose and made it seem like he was put together in his typical Johnny fashion. I still didn’t say anything but he crept his hand closer to me and extended his pinky. I looked at it for a few seconds before locking mine around it. He was quiet for a bit, the tension remaining thick and heavy. The quietness was only interrupted by a few sniffles from the both of us. I wiped away at my tears, wanting to remind myself that this was proof. This was what always happened. Either i ended up drunk or ended up crying when it came to him. Or both for that matter.

I truly felt like i should continue to make myself suffer with him. One look of those soft brown eyes and honey-sweet lips would draw me in and his soothing voice would whisper caring thoughts and expressions. I saw the blushes he had when he talked to me, the way he seemed embarrassed or nervous, but there were always underlying signs that proved he didn’t like me. Most blatantly when he said-no, yelled- that i would never be his girlfriend. Logic told me to run. When had i ever put a man before me or anyone for that matter? Masochism told me that I enjoyed the pain of being rejected over and over again and that it was a game. Lust told me that i loved when he got jealous and growled in my ear. I wanted him to tell me that I was his as he fucked me so deep and hard that I couldn’t move. Greed told me that I wanted him all to myself. I wanted all the attention, all the love, all of him. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And rationality? That bitch was nowhere to be found.

“What saved you…when you tried to um…kill yourself?”

My head snapped up at the question. It hadn’t been posed to me since I met Quinn three years ago. It was something that I blocked from my brain and never reopened. But this was a test, to see if he could really handle what was fucking wrong with me. I squeezed his pinky tighter and finally croaked. “Daniella. She’s uh…she’s my little sister. I traumatized a 10 year old by bleeding out in a bathtub and she called the police and my mom. She tried to stop the bleeding. She cried but she kept pushing through. She was….so mature in that moment. More than I had ever been. She wanted to be there when they admitted me. My mom didn’t believe what was going on- more so in a sense that she didn’t want to believe that her kid was sick. Just like she didn’t want to believe I was gay at first. Eventually, she saw past it. She saw how much I needed her and how much we didn’t want to lose each other. But yeah…that was…it was Dani.”

“You know, her Quinceanera is in a week and I can’t believe she’s already 15. It’s weird how time flies…how I can’t exactly remember it all.” I continued.

“Are you going? To the party i mean.” He asked.

I nodded. “I have to. I’m like in the…so it’s basically almost like a bridal party. It’s real weird. But they pair us up and we walk down an aisle and Dani will come out with her big poofy dress and everyone will look at her and sing ’Las Mañanitas’ blah blah blah. It’s a precursor wedding and weird tradition I hated. So i never had one. And now, mom gets to put all her spite of her not having one and me not having one into an over the top expensive party for Dani, but you know…don’t help me with my student loans or anything.”

“Oh…sounds like a…journey.” I let out a small laugh and he crept closer towards the gap. I opened the door a little bit more. “It was my mom for me.”

“What?” I whispered.

“I was ready to jump off my school building after I got with her. I would see her everywhere on my social media and around town. I had to hide everything about how she made me feel and I felt like I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I sat on the ledge for a long time, thinking about it and staring at the ground. Just as I decided I was going to jump, I got a text from my mom. It said ‘hi honey, hope you have a great day at school! I love you a lot.’” He rubbed at his eyes and looked away from me. “I still have it saved on my phone- transferred over each time I got a different one. I look at it sometimes when i feel like utter shit. Then I call her.” He sighed deeply and I pulled him closer to me, the door falling open wider. “Have I ever told you thank you?”

“W-what?” I asked, stunned.

“Thank you. For being there for me. When shit hit the fan basically. You and Jae pretty much helped me through a lot. Is that like…a part of working through this? Admitting when you’ve been helped?”

I nodded. “It’s a start…”

He got even closer and kissed me, our pinkies tightening and lips slow and steady. My will was wavering and I was kicking myself again. It never failed. I pulled away and turned my head away from his. He sighed and kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t make up for a lot of things, Johnny.”

“I know, princess. I know.”

“No, you don’t get to say that word to me anymore. That part is done. It’s only for people who know how to communicate.”

“Ok…” he said simply.

I let go of his hand and moved away from the door. He came through fully, sitting beside me now and set his arm around my waist. He kissed my temple then rested his chin on my shoulder. We stood quiet for a moment, trying to process everything. Nothing had gotten better at all. Everything was more confusing and more painful. I didn’t feel good and I didn’t want him here but at the same time I did. I looked over at his sad eyes, knowing he was truly sorry but still cementing the fact that I would never be his. Hurting was all I was good for and I accepted the karmic punishment.

I grabbed onto his shoulders and his eyes drew themselves to me. I laid nothing but whispers against his lips drawing him in to press himself against me and steal my breath away in a kiss. Gradually, our clothes began disappearing until we were naked in my bed, hands between each others thighs, stroking and thrusting until we were dirty with each other’s release. He didn’t let me go instead opting to grab my hips and keep me flush against me. “I want me on you. Not any of those assholes.”

“I’m not yours…”

“Tonight you are.” He dug his blunt nails into my hips and sunk his teeth into the base of my neck. It hurt with how hard he was biting down but I knew what he was doing; marking me so that whoever i was with next could see the deep bruise he was trying to leave behind. I clawed at his shoulders, whimpering pathetically and about to beg him to stop but he pulled away, pressing softer kisses to the deep marks instead. I shoved his head away seeing the playful smirk he had on his face.

“Ass…”

“You want a bite mark on your ass too?” he asked coyly.

I rolled my eyes and commanded him to get a towel to clean up the mess he made on my stomach. He gave me another kiss before scooting off the bed and heading towards my door. For a moment I thought I imagined it and had to blink twice but i saw him licking his fingers- the same ones that were inside me just a minute ago. He had never done that. Usually he’d wipe them on my sheets or something. I laid back and closed my eyes, tossing away any ideas of what that meant. I felt him on the bed again, gently wiping away his cum off my skin before laying himself between my thighs, his head on my chest. That also surprised me and i wished I knew what the fuck was going on in his head. Was it from all the weed? I didn’t really know how much he smoked before he got here. It could’ve been what helped set off his emotions and express his jealousy about Taeyong.

I wanted to pry at his stupid decisions and actions some more but I was slowly running out of energy to deal with arguing, anxiety, and my mood swings in such a short amount of time. I decided to lay in my self hatred with Johnny on top of me, our breaths flowing together into an easier rhythm. I closed my eyes and set my hand on his head. “Pet my hair.” He grumbled.

“You think that a half fuck is going to solve this?” I said, ignoring his request.

“No. We’re doing what we do best, hurting each other.”

“But why does it have to be like this?”

“Because it’s just who we are, Eri. It’s what we do. It’s how we function together. You want to call it off?”

“Call what off?”

“Being fuck buddies.” Yes was what I should have said. Instead, I shook my head and kept my eyes away from him. “Good…Because I don’t want to stop fucking you.”

“I don’t either…” I said softly. I ran my fingers through his hair now, pushing it back and feeling his sides that were grown out. "Remember when you asked me to feel alive?”

He nodded.

“Do that for me. Maybe me feel like I don’t fucking hate you for what you’ve done. Like i don’t want you more than I need to.”

He stilled against me and didn’t say anything. I could feel him looking at me and when I finally had the courage to meet his eyes I saw that he seemed to be hurt by my confession. Eventually, he mumbled a response. “I don’t want you to hate me.”

"Mostly i hate myself.” I hate myself for loving you.

“Dont, baby…” He turned my face towards his to continue our kiss. “You don’t need to hate yourself.”

“Just shut up, Johnny. Fuck me already.”

“Fine.” He growled and gave quick bites over my breast making me arch against him. I hissed slowly, gripping onto his shoulders and digging my nails into his skin. He morphed his bites into kisses, working to gather my nipple in his mouth to suck slowly but hungrily. Eventually, his kisses got even lower as he discarded my breasts in favor of moving down to the softness of my stomach. A little nibble beneath my rib cage jerked my body towards his mouth, edging my hips into eager swivels. I parted my lips to let out a sweet sigh and a small plead for him to keep going. His tongue dipped into my belly button, making me squirm against the wet heat. I inched my hands back to his hair to return him to my lips and stop his teasing but he had other plans. His hands suddenly came crashing down on my wrists, pinning them to the bed and practically crushing them. I winced at the pain and asked him to ease up but he only snapped at me.

“Shut up and don’t touch me, got it?”

“W-what are you doing?” I asked, nervously.

“Shut. Up.”

I squeezed my eyes shut tight, swallowing hard and full of worry more than sensuality. I tried taking deep breaths but I felt like I was getting more nervous. Johnny was quiet as ever but I could feel his breath tickling against my sensitivity. I licked the dryness from my lips and just as I was about to try and pull away from his hands I felt it. It was small and gentle, just the tip of his tongue working over my clit. My entire body tensed and I remained frozen in place. I feared scaring him, or worse, triggering him. We retreated into minutes of silence that made my heart race with worry. “J-Johnny? A-are you-?”

There were butterfly kisses to my clit before his tongue reached out once again. It covered the entirety of my lower lips, pressing a slick heat over me and gathering the cum left behind from his fingering to trail it back to my clit. He trapped the bit of nerves between his lips, suckling lightly. I knew he was being cautious due to nervousness and unease but it was also amazingly tender and sweet. I dug my teeth into my bottom lip and let out a moan hoping that he would take it as praise and a sign to continue. There was another long pause and my fingers curled in anticipation for more but there was nothing. I opened my eyes and looked down at him.

He was stationary, his eyes glancing over my center and lips trembling. The grip on my wrists got tighter, too tight for even my own liking. “Johnny…you need to let me go.” I said softly.

“No. I-i cant…”

“You can stop now, it’s ok but you’re hurting me. Come up here. Come kiss me, baby.” He looked defeated but saw the pain in my face and finally let my wrists go. I didn’t immediately shake out the numbing feeling and instead waited for him to crawl back up my torso. I held onto him as tight as I could, covering his lips, cheeks, neck in excited pecks. He did it. With me. It wasn’t complete or full or satisfying by any means but it meant so much. “You did so good, baby boy. So, so good.” I cooed.

He hid in my neck and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head quickly. “Don’t be. It was good. A great start, ok?”

“I wanted to try…a little at least so you don’t feel like i did when we fucked in the bathroom at the party. You shouldn’t want to feel alive with me because you’re numb. I don’t want that at all.”

“I just wanna feel good is all…” I held onto him tighter. “I don’t want to feel like i’m going to be thrown away.”

“I-i wont…” He swiftly slipped out of the bed and returned with a condom on. He whispered as he pulled my legs around him, pressing himself at my entrance. “I wont…”

“But you can’t promise that.” I swallowed hard and felt him sink into me inch by inch. The rest of my thoughts were voided by the methodical pace of him stretching me open. He ignored what I had said and instead focused on kissing everywhere he could reach as he thrusted slowly. My hands traced the length of his spine, resting in the center of his back and keeping him close. Inside my head I pleaded for him to not go slow, to not be intimate and stir up more dreadful feelings inside the pit of my stomach. Please just fuck me so I can be reminded of how shitty you are. Don’t remind me of how cute and caring you can be. I’m begging you Johnny.

I knew he couldn’t hear me so of course he didn’t stop rolling his hips to have his cock hit every space within me. He was panting softly, gentle moans mixing in every once in awhile. They sounded so precious and I couldn’t help but bury myself in his lips again. His hand pulled mine away from his back just so our fingers could intertwine. Nonono, stop that. For the love of god don’t do this to me.

He squeezed my hand tight and I felt my tears resurface. This is what scared me the most. Not him leaving or him ignoring me or throwing me away. This Johnny, the human, sentimental, emotional man that could have me fall into his arms (and bed) at the snap of his fingers. I was helpless against him and I just craved more and more torture. He kissed away my tears and nudged our foreheads together. “Hey…it’s okay.” He breathed.

It is not okay. It will never be ok. But he took care of me, stilling every so often to regain his composure as i could feel him throbbing and ready for another release. Worst of all was that I wanted him too. I wanted him to feel good, another hurtful self sacrifice because I cared so much about him. I gave him a soft plea to cum for me, which he took instantly. His free hand slipped between us, his thumb pressing small acts of pleasure into my clit as his other hand never left mine. He only squeezed my fingers tighter while my walls squeezed him the same way. Just at the very end his hips made quicker snaps, hitting the back of my thighs and making my back arch from the mattress. And in one fell breath i felt my stomach heat up and the most comforting sensation flowing within me.

My cheeks flushed as I had never felt anything like it before and wondered what the hell did he do differently. Maybe it was because i was so damn love drunk that it made everything seem better when i was with him. It wasn’t until he jerked out of me so harshly that I snapped my thighs shut. “O-ow! Johnny, what the-”

“The condom broke.” He trembled.

“Excuse me?” I couldn’t believe what I had heard.

“Eri. The fucking condom broke.”

I looked down and could see his cum flowing out of me and staining the bed sheets, while the rubber had a slight tear across the tip. Our eyes met and panic slammed into me at full speed. “O-oh my fucking god. Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god.”

“You’re on birth control right?” His voice was an octave or two higher.

“Well no shit! But it doesn’t magically mean it’s 100% full proof! People still get pregnant while on birth control.”

“I’M FULLY AWARE OF THAT ERI.”

“DON’T YELL AT ME.”

“I’M SORRY I JUST…” I noticed him staring at me which made me more uncomfortable.

“What? What else is wrong?” He shrugged but continued to stare. “Johnny. What is it?!”

“Nothing! It’s just…i mean-”

“Oh, you asshole!!” I flung my pillow straight at his face. “I’m literally fucking panicking and you think cumming inside me is hot!!”

“I’M SORRY!!! I’ve never done it before and it just…looks good, ok?!”

“You are the absolute worse and I CANNOT stand you!” I covered my face that was getting heated up by the second. How could he think about that while I was panicking? How could I think it felt good and perfect when i absolutely loathed cum (and was panicking)? We truly were fucking stupid.

“Hey, we’ll be ok. I know we will.” He said softly, reaching for my hand which i pulled away.

“Easy for you to say. You have the easy way out in case that happens.” I grumbled.

He kissed my forehead and laid beside me. “No I don’t, because I wouldn’t leave.”

I turned away from him, shoving my face into the mattress as I felt his cum sticky between my thighs. “Yeah right…”

“I’m serious….i’m not gonna be like my dad.”

“Alright well, we’re gonna stop talking about this. I’m gonna shower and you can go home so I can die in peace.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. You’re not gonna die. It’s just cum.”

“I’m gay! All I am is dramatic!” I huffed as I felt all flustered now and wanted to get away from him. I stood up and cringed at the feeling of it sliding down my leg now. I awkwardly shuffled to pick up my already cum covered towel just to keep me decent enough to get to the bathroom.

“Can you stop saying that? Because i’m like…not a girl.”

I looked back at him. “Well no fucking shit, Johnny. It’s just a blanket term because you wouldn’t understand everything I identify as. Just roll with it. I don’t have time to explain.”

I grabbed my phone and went to the bathroom, locking the door tight. I tossed off my towel and turned on the water, sitting in the tub under the spray so i could suffer in silence. Eventually i ended up plugging the drain so i could sit in hot water for a bit and try and calm my nerves. I tried calling Quinn but didn’t get an answer, even texted them and still got nothing. They were still probably up Jaehyun’s ass or Taeil or someone else. I don’t know. I dialed again and waited patiently.

“Hello?”

“Doyoung, I need you please.”

“Be right there.”

He hung up as that was all he needed to know that something was wrong. I washed up, making sure to get as much of the cum out of me as possible, then rinsed and dried off. As i opened the bathroom door, Johnny was standing in the doorway, hand raised as he was going to knock. I glared at the lit blunt between his lips.

“’M leavin’.”

“Good. Bye. I have someone else coming over.”

He scoffed. “Wow. Okay. Fuck you too.” He turned away from me and headed towards my front door slamming it harshly behind him.

He made me so fucking irritated with his hot and cold bullshit. I trudged to my room and tossed my towel in the hamper, picking up my discarded pajamas and putting them back on. Around 15 or so minutes later Doyoung was in my room with an absolute cringey look on his face. “Look, i’m sorry but i needed someone to tell. You and Quinn are my closest friends and they’re not here. Please Doyoung…i know it’s gross.”

“You liked it…” he whispered.

“Please don’t remind me. I hate myself completely.”

“Why do you keep doing this, Eri? You are literally worth more than that.”

“I don’t know! I wish I knew. I wish I could just leave him but I can’t. Every time I’m mad, he shows me that side of him that I absolutely love.”

“That’s emotional manipulation.”

“It is not!” I protested. “Well…uh…maybe it is? But I don’t think he would be doing it intentionally? Why would he? He can get with anyone. He has gotten with a lot of people. I don’t think I would be any different. After all he blatantly said i’d never be his girlfriend.”

“And how did you feel about that?”

“I cried. Instantly. It hurt so fucking bad.”

“So we’ve come to the conclusion that a) he’s a fuckboy, b) he doesn’t want to be with you, c) he’s emotionally manipulative, and d) he couldn’t care less about what transpired tonight.” Doyoung gave me a shady look which made me shrink away like a scolded puppy.

“Well technically he said he would be there for me and then I kicked him out so…”

“And now you’re sticking up for him?”

“I’m not! I’m just stating facts. Doyoung, i know you’re totally and completely right. But i just…it feels weird. It feels different somehow.”

“I’m kind of sick of giving you advice and you ignoring it. It makes it seem like you don’t even care what I say.”

“No i do!” I grabbed onto his arm, sadly. “I do! i swear! I’m just a fucking idiot. I like to fuck up everything and keep myself down.”

“Why can’t you see that there are better people for you? Even ones that are right in front of you?”

I rested my head on his shoulder and set my hand in his, squeezing tight. “Doyoung, how can I…how can I stop when i love him?”

“It’s not easy to stop loving someone but…no offense- well a little offense because this is going to be hard to hear- you stopped loving Jungwoo because he loved you too much, you can stop loving Johnny because you love him too much too. You can run away and leave without giving him any explanation.”

I pulled away from Doyoung completely.

“I’m sorry for saying that and hurting you, but maybe it’s the kind of shit you need to snap out of it.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “And if you’re so worried about what might happen I can go to the pharmacy for you.”

“I-i just need time to think…” i said quietly.

“Well, you’ve got three days until it’s ineffective-or less effective or whatever. You can let me know ok?”

I nodded and felt him crush me to his chest. I held onto him for a long time, happy to feel a friends pure love rather than the tainted mess from my heart.

–

Johnny’s POV

“FUCKING SHIT!” I threw the beer bottle I just finished against my wall, watching it shatter into pieces. What the actual fuck just happened between Eri and I? Tonight was fucked up- no, beyond fucked up to the point where I just ended up more confused and angry then I was before. I paced back and forth across my room while thoughts zoomed in my brain. I tried to break everything down and figure out what i could so I could attempt to get my mind straight.

I was pissed off at Taeyong. He was such a smug little fuck about hooking up with Eri, blasting it all over the chat. And why were they counting how many times they hooked up with her like it was some sort of game? I didn’t want him anywhere near Eri. She was mi-. I stopped pacing for a moment. She wasn’t mine. She is not yours Johnny. She is NOT yours.

My pacing resumed. He didn’t deserve to touch her. And neither did those other assholes. I wanted her to myself. She’s mi-. As i grew close to the door i slammed my head against it, not too hard but enough to try and get it through my skull that Eri was not mine.

I had told her she would never be my girlfriend because I was angry. I knew it hurt her the second it came out of my mouth and I wished I could’ve taken it back. Our conversation was so back and forth she probably thought I was crazy. One minute I was mad, the other I wanted to be with her, comfort her, be inside her and make her feel good. I didn’t want her to feel like shit because of me but I was failing horribly.

What even possessed me to touch her like that? So slow and gentle? It felt like I was having an out of body experience and I watched who I wanted to be for her come out and take over. It was what I wanted to give her for the longest time. Something more stable to hold onto rather than whatever the fuck I was now. But that didn’t go over so well for my feelings. I was faded and more emotional than ever, a bad combination. I wanted to tell her what I felt for her but i don’t even think i’m too sure myself. Feelings were there but what kind? Did I have a crush? I liked her? Wanted to keep being fuck buddies? Did I love her? My body shuddered at the thought. I had never been in love before so how could I know?

I’ve always wanted to be in love and have someone to care about. I knew familiar love and friendship love but not romantic love. I wanted to take my girlfriend to the beach, to Korea, to visit countries across the globe. Take pictures of us for vacation scrapbooks and eat everything we could ever dream of. Go hiking with her and hold her hand so she wouldn’t trip on a branch and hurt herself. Laugh when we thought of a memory we had together or hold her as she cried. But i was also scared shitless of all of that. Could I even be that good of a person to her? I didn’t want to end up being a carbon copy of my dad. Why would I want to be the cause of my love’s suffering and leave them behind with a kid I didn’t care about?

Fuck.

The stupid condom.

I tossed myself onto my bed and groaned. I was scared of that too. I’m only 23 and work at a fucking coffee shop, what the hell was I gonna do with a kid? I’m sure we were gonna be okay but…it still made me a little queasy. Except for the fact that I thought cumming inside her was fucking hot. I was a complete jackass for thinking about it at a time like that but I couldn’t help it. Like me: worried to all hell and back about the condom breaking, also me: holy hell I want to do it again. I facepalmed myself and let out another frustrated groan. I was ready to just throw myself out a window rather than face my embarrassment and mistakes. Now Taeyong was probably going to be up her ass and I swear to god if he got with her I was personally going to go to his apartment and kick his ass.

I sat up and started taking off my clothes, figuring I could just sleep all this shit away and ignore it. I flung everything to a corner of my room and reached over to shut off my desk lamp. I noticed my little keychain that I had got at the bookstore resting on the desk. I picked it up and shut off the light before snuggling deep under the blankets. I kept the keychain close to me thinking of nothing but Eri as I went to sleep.

A week had passed since that weird half fight/half fuck between us and I was starting to get a taste of my own medicine. I hated not hearing from her and I found myself constantly checking my phone to see if by chance I missed anything. She hadn’t even posted on any of her social media that I followed her on. Whenever I would hang out with the guys at lunch none of them talked about her, not even Lucas. I had no idea what was going on. I tried to keep myself busy with school work but found myself thinking of her more than I needed too. Sometimes those thoughts implanted little sinister buds of sinfully delicious fantasies and in the midst of being hurt and confused about where we stood I was jacking off to thoughts of her more than I needed too. It was multiple times a day, whenever I was at home and it was starting to get on my nerves. I shouldn’t have been thinking about her like that when I was the cause of most of this mess but it couldn’t be helped. I was a stupid slut and would rather focus on that then the pain I caused her. I was in the middle of rutting against my hand and mattress only a few seconds away from cumming when my phone beside my pillow lit up. The brightness in the darkness of my room distracted me and I look at the screen, ready to ignore the notification until I saw who it was from. I wiped my hand on my sheets and snatched my phone up, unlocking it and going to the message.

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: hey

I typed in my simple response quickly.

Hey

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: come over

Fuck…did she actually want to hook up?

What for babe?

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: we need to talk.

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: asap

Talk about what?

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: come over and i’ll tell u dumbass

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: I mean it

Give me like 15 mins. Im busy

🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: fine but dont keep me waiting.

I bit my lip and set my phone aside. It made me nervous to think about what she wanted to talk with me about. A small part of me was hoping that I could still get laid and have amazing makeup sex. But first…

–

Eri’s POV

I hated that I had to do this. With every fiber in my entire being. It was definitely up there with one of the worst decisions I would have to make. I didn’t want to talk to him or even make him think that I had forgiven him. I had purposefully ignored him like he had done to me so many times before. Even when he sent me the occasional text I left him on read. It felt good to have that power but I had to cut my reign of terror short when I realized that my problem needed a solution and fast. Time was running out and I exhausted all my resources. I knew I was going to regret this but it had to be done. My stomach was in knots as I waited for him. 15 minutes was a lie, it was over a half hour before he showed up at my place. His hair was damp and he smelled of fresh cologne and soap. I stared at him quizzically when I opened the door. He smiled at me, looking like he was happy to see me while I was mortified to see him. He wasn’t wearing anything fancy either. Just a white crew neck and some skinny jeans and winter coat but he still looked so damn good. Stupid fucker.

“Sooo…” he started, chewing on his bottom lip a little bit. I yanked him into my apartment and dragged him towards my room, slamming the door behind us. “Oh shit, ok.” He grabbed at his shirt, about to take it off when I stopped him.

“No! None of that!” I swatted at his hands. “That’s not what I called you over here for.”

“Oh…” he said, dejected.

I rolled my eyes. “Look, i don’t have any other choice. You were the last person on my list, so don’t like flatter yourself.”

“What is going on? You’re making me suspicious.”

I sighed. “Will you be my boyfriend?” Oh jesus christ no, not what I meant!!

“Excuse me WHAT?!” He screamed.

“AHHH FUCK, I MEANT PRETEND. PREEEETENND. PRETEND TO BE MY BOYFRIEND!!” I tried to correct myself.

“AGAIN, WHAT, AND I CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, THE FUCK?!”

“Ugh! Okay okay, back peddling.” I took a deep breath trying not to fuck this up even more than I already had. “Just hear me out ok?”

“You better start talking asap, bro!”

“I need someone to come with me to my sister’s Quinceanera this weekend. I have literally asked every single one of my guy friends and they’re all "conveniently” busy. I seriously need help.“

"Why can’t you take Quinn or something?!”

I sighed. “Johnny, if I show up with a girl as my date my grandparents would disown me and it would make a huge scene at the party and I can’t take that away from Dani. My family has this thing where they obsess over asking me if I have a boyfriend or not. I’m the oldest cousin so according to them I should be married and pregnant by now. My mom tries her best to keep them at bay but if I just show up with someone they will at least be civil for this party. Please. I don’t have anyone else. I wouldn’t be asking you this if it wasn’t a huge deal for me.”

“Well that sounds like a personal problem. Sucks to suck.”

I was shocked that that was actually his response. It was a good effort I guess but I was stuck doing this alone. I hoped to all hell nothing would happen that would ruin this for my little sister. It was completely stupid that my family judged me based on who I loved or wanted to be with, that every question about my life had to revolve around me having a man. It always started with a blanket question, one that seemed innocent enough, but then veered into “when will you get a boyfriend?” territory. Not only that but I still had to be on the down low whenever I was with them. Dani knew and so did my mom who was still working to be supportive but that was it. I knew I couldn’t tell other people in my family. If I went alone I could just suck it up and be miserable the whole time which at this point looked to be my only option. “Sorry to bother you…” I said as i sat down at my desk. I lowered my head onto the top and tried to figure out a way to smooth things over with my family for one night.

“Eri…is this really that serious?”

I raised my head up and looked at him. “Yes. I just want things to go right with this, for her sake. I’m literally the black sheep of the family. I’m darker than everyone, my hair is curlier, i’m queer, i play in a heavy metal band, i’m not ultra feminine, and i’m as far away from traditional as possible.” I tried again to convince him. It was turning out to be more pathetic than I hoped for. “I will promise, like absolutely promise, to be nice and civil with you if you do this for me. Please Johnny?”

“What do I get in return?”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Whatever you want. I’m too desperate to fight you on this.”

“Anything I want? You’re serious?” He asked. I could almost see the deviousness going on in his head and instantly regretted it. But I swallowed my pride.

“Anything.”

“Ok. I’ll think about what I want and let you know. I gotta dress up or something?”

“So you’ll do it?” I practically jumped out of my chair.

“Yeah, i’ll do it.”

“Fuck, you stupid bastard! You’re the best!” I threw myself on him, wrapping my arms around his neck in a tight hug. “It’s tomorrow night. We have to drive two hours to get to where I live. It won’t end until late so we can get a motel if we’re too tired to drive back.”

“A motel, huh?”

“Don’t even start, please.” I went to pull away but he set his hand on the small of my back, keeping me close.

“Tell me what you want me to do.” He lowered his head towards mine, getting dangerously close to my lips. I swallowed hard.

“W-well…wear something nice and don’t be an asshole. Um…pretend like I’m the greatest thing to ever grace your life? Hold my hand or something…or hold me in general. Follow all my lies and try to remember them. Be prepared to be grilled by every woman in my family and subject to a bunch of sexist and misogynistic comments from my stupid uncles. They’ll be some kids there running around and loud ass music. Um…you may have to dance with me.”

“Oof…I’m not a great dancer.”

“It’s fine, i don’t dance much either. Oh and don’t get drunk. Oh! And don’t let me get drunk. I think that’s the gist of it. I may think of other stuff on the way there. Is that all ok?”

He cupped my face in his hand while the other held mine. He lowered himself to my lips and kissed me gently, barely teasing my tongue with his own and making my heart feel like it was about to burst. When he pulled away my lips kept following him not wanting to let go. He chuckled softly and looked directly at me. “Mi amor, siento que no puedo vivir sin ti.”

I shoved him away. “BITCH, WHAT THE FUCK?!”

He cackled loudly, clutching at his stomach. “Is that “boyfriend” enough for you?”

“Where the hell did you pull that from?!”

“You said it’s a Quinceanera right? I figured I could put my 6 years of Spanish class to good use. How’d I do?” He was still laughing up a storm while I was ready to call off the whole thing. I couldn’t believe he would be able to possibly understand my stupid family.

“How much do you know?” I asked.

“Enough. I’ll mess up every now and again but I think i could pull off a conversation if I needed to.”

“Christ. Ok…If they say something to you just pretend you don’t know anything. I know they’re gonna talk shit and then you can come back and tell me. That’s all we’re gonna do, ok? Ok. I’m gonna throw up.”

“Why? I won’t mess this up, okay? I know she’s important to you. We’ll be civil remember?”

I looked up at him and nodded. “Thank you, Johnny. Seriously.”

He shrugged and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “It’s cool. So what time is my hot date picking me up?”

“Probably around 4, i’m sure I’ll need to help set up and stuff. And help with makeup. We can get dressed at the motel because I do not want to walk in heels in the snow and i also don’t want to mess up my dress. Where I live my mom said that the snow is more melted and they have clearer sidewalks so I should be good there.”

“Alright, sounds good…so…what’s our plan for tonight?”

I raised my brow, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I came all the way here and I figured we might…We could practice for being a couple tomorrow.”

“You’re going to give me a bunch of hickies and I can’t have that.”

“That’s the pot calling the kettle black. All you do is bite and scratch like a little chihuahua.” He laughed.

I stomped my foot down and huffed. “I am not a little chihuahua!”

“How about I make them where everyone can’t see? Then we won’t have any problems, hmm?”

I crossed my arms and pursed my lips together, hating how devilishly convincing he could be. He was a natural born flirt and it made me want to punch him. I nibbled my bottom lip contemplating if I should really give him the satisfaction. He pulled his coat off and yanked his shirt over his head, showing me his perfectly toned chest and how low slung his jeans were. Asshole. I grabbed onto the waistband of his jeans and pulled him close so we could crash our lips together. He pushed me back onto the bed and crawled on top of me, shoving his tongue past my teeth and coaxing me to moan in his mouth. I grabbed onto his shoulders and shoved him down so I could roll on top of him. “What’s the real reason you were late?” I asked as I dug my nails into his stomach.

“Jacking off.” He grabbed at my tshirt and tried pulled it up but I shoved his hands away and pinned his wrists down.

“I knew it, pig.”

“You act like you don’t do it. How many times have you showed me what you like doing when you’re alone, hmm? When we facetime and I call you late at night?” He teased.

“Shut up, Johnny. You’re so fucking annoying.” I dove my head down to bite at his chest, leaving harsh kisses in my wake. He tried moving his hands but i kept him pinned, liking the fact that he was the one squirming for once. I moved just a bit lower to land a few bites before licking through the center of his chest and up his throat. His entire body practically caved in on itself with how hard he shuddered.

“Fu-fuck…” He licked his lips and tossed his head back, moaning deeply. I blushed as I watched, feeling myself become victim to how good he looked. I resisted the urge to suck on his neck and went back to his chest, taking his nipple into my mouth. I knew this would truly make him squirm but i didn’t expect how hard his hips would buck. I moved my head away from him to over hover his face.

“You’re not being a very good boy are you?”

He opened one eye to glare at me. “When am I ever?”

“I think I should stop. I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow.”

“Oh don’t you play that game with me, Eri! That’s not fair!”

I moved away from him completely and made my way over to open my bedroom door. “Out.”

He sad up with an incredulous look on his face. “You’re kidding?!”

“You’re being bad so you get nothing. C'mon now.”

“I’ll be good then! Whatever the fuck that means!”

I shook my head. “I’ll pick you up at 4, ok?”

“Fuckin’ hell!” He got up, his jeans visibly tighter and pulled his shirt back over his head. He grabbed his coat and made his way out of my room with the biggest pout on his face. Just as he had stepped out of the door frame he turned back to me. “Can I ask you something?” He propped his forearm above his head on the frame and looked down at me.

“What?”

“Besides us freaking out…did you…did you like it when I came inside you?

My entire face felt like it was on fire and took a step back as if that would somehow prevent him from seeing my embarrassment. "I-i-i-i have n-noooo idea what you’re t-talking about!” I stuttered.

“I mean, did you like the way it felt inside you? Like how hot or how deep it was?”

“Please stop talking!” My voice was now a squeaky whisper.

Johnny smirked and ran his tongue over his teeth. “I guess that answers my question, doesn’t it? See ya tomorrow, Eri. And don’t forget, you owe me one.” He winked at me and headed towards my front door, leaving me more flustered than ever.

–

I spent the whole two hour ride telling him about which one of my aunts would grill him the most and which cousin got pregnant first and who’s baby daddy was a complete failure and which of my uncles was most likely to get drunk and cause a scene. I was sure he wouldn’t remember any of it but I was trying to over prepare him for the shit show that was my family. I also needed him to make a good impression so it would look like he was actually happy to be dating me. Fake dating me of course. We checked into the motel first and I spent most of my time being frustrated with my hair and trying to curl it the way I wanted it. It just barely cooperated and i wasted about half a can of hairspray trying to keep everything in place.

My makeup was more softer and neutral than normal to go with my pastel pink floor length sweetheart neckline dress (which made me feel lowkey so pretty). Dani’s theme colors were pink and mint so I was able to at least wear something I would like. Just as i had slipped on my gown i realized there was no way I could reach the zipper in the back. I huffed and squirmed, trying my damndest until I finally gave up. I opened the bathroom door just a crack and peeked out. My heart basically exploded and I wouldn’t normally say that my basement could flood in two seconds but this was definitely one of those times.

Johnny was checking himself out in the large mirror on the other side of the room. He wore black pinstripe pants that hugged his ass like a dream. The sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled to the elbows and a fitted grey vest covered his torso. He adjusted the black tie around his neck, fussing with it until he seemed comfortable enough. He had an extremely nice watch on one wrist and a silver chain bracelet on the other. A few simple rings decorated his fingers and his black dress shoes seemed to sparkle in the fluorescent lighting. His hair was even freshly faded and his bangs trimmed and slicked back. Lord have mercy I wanted to die. I swallowed hard and took a few deep breaths before I called out to him.

His honey brown eyes shot up to look at me and I gripped the handle of the bathroom door tighter. “What?”

“Could you um…help me zip my dress?”

He sauntered over to me I tried to keep myself within the tiny gap of the open door but he pushed it open leaving me exposed to all of his handsome glory. He found the zipper and slid it up slowly, making sure the fabric didn’t get caught in it. “Do you want me to tie the sash thing too?” I nodded meekly and felt his hands smooth over the fabric under my chest and slide back to gather the ends to tie into a bow. It was such a simple thing to do but it had my body turning warmer by the second. I caught him looking at me in the reflection of the mirror above the sink once he was done. He looked shocked, licking his lips as if he was trying to say something but not being able to get anything out. I turned my head back towards him.

“Do I…do I look okay?”

He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. “Yeah, you look alright.”

“Oh…” I said softly. Just alright.

“I mean like you look good, you know? Um…yeah, real good.”

I avoided looking at him as I slipped out the bathroom. I didn’t have that much time left before we had to head over and I still had to wiggle my feet into heels that I was sure would break my ankles as soon as I got into them. I struggled to get them strapped around my ankles, huffing when my boobs got in my way as I doubled over to reach my feet. I sat down at the small desk and tried to angle myself another way but it was still just as frustrating. “Need help with that too?” He asked.

I nodded, defeated and he came in front of me, landing on one knee. He slid my dress up to my thigh and took my foot in his hands, delicately securing the straps around my ankle. I couldn’t help but feel like Cinderella in that moment, even if my so called prince charming was a fuck boy. “Thanks.” I said softly as I stood up. He rose to his feet too and it was weird to almost be face to face with him, instead of staring at his chest.

“Oh, i don’t like this.” He joked. “I’d like you to stay mini sized.”

“Yeah well they won’t be on for long. They’re already killing me. I just need to get through the walk and first dance and then i’m tossing them.” I nibbled my lip for a moment before pressing them to his, which seemed to catch him a little off guard. “Hmm, it’s nice to not have to stand on my tiptoes to kiss you.”

“Hm, let’s hope that walk goes fast. I don’t like those heels either.” He smiled at me and offered his arm. “Ready now?”

I grabbed my clutch from atop the desk and nodded. “You have the room key right?”

“Yep.” We headed out of the room and towards the parking lot to my car. “You know, the pastel pink is really nice with your skin tone.”

I straightened up at his compliment. “You really think so?”

He opened the door to my car and lead me to sit down. “I know so.”

I laughed nervously. “A-are you practicing your boyfriend skills?” I tried to make it sound like a joke but he just shrugged and went over to the passenger side to get in. I swallowed hard and clicked my seat belt into place before revving up the engine. “Oh, remember how I said if I told you my government name I’d have to kill you?”

“Yeah?”

“Well you’re going to hear it tonight and if you so much as ever repeat it you won’t have a dick, got it?”

“Why not? It can’t be that bad!”

“Trust me, it definitely is.”

–

“ERIANNALISSE!”

I cringed. I cringed hard and wanted to shrink away into a minuscule molecule and be non existent. I didn’t even want to look at Johnny to see what he was going to say. I could practically hear him trying to cover up his snickers. I sighed and put on a fake smile as my aunt came to me with arms wide open to capture me in a death grip hug that could snap my spine in half. “Ay, mija! Look at you, you look so pretty!” She paused. “Have you gained weight?”

“Nice to see you too, Titi.” I grit my teeth and tried to ignore her shade. Her eyes went over to Johnny, looking him up and down and squinting her eyes a bit.

“Eriannalisse, quien es este?” She asked who Johnny was.

I grabbed onto his arm, digging my nails into his bicep. “This is my….boyfriend, Johnny.”

He waved and grimaced through my death grip. “Hi. Nice to meet you.”

“Hm…” Was all my aunt said. “Titi Carmen has been wanting to see you. I’m sure she’d want to meet…Johnny.”

“Yeah, i’ll go see her in a bit! I have to find mami and Dani first.”

My aunt kissed both of my cheeks and left to go join the gossiping group of women in my family who all suddenly turned their gazes from their champagne flutes to Johnny and I. I turned my back towards them and looked up at Johnny. “I will literally pay you .25 cents to kill me. Just make it quick.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Eriannalisse. What’s the worst that could happen?” He smirked and laughed a bit which made me frown.

“Johnny, I told you don’t call me that. I’m serious. They can call me that because they don’t recognize who I am as a person. You can’t.”

“O-oh…is it a gay thing? Like one of your gay things that you won’t explain to me?”

I sighed and looked down at my feet. “Yeah, sort of. I’ll explain it to you eventually. Just not now ok?”

He took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “Ok, i’m sorry. I won’t say it again.” He leaned down just a bit and gave me a soft (rated PG) kiss which made me smile.

“It’s just hard being around them…I wish it would be a fun time but-” I suddenly heard vicious clacking before arms were thrown around my shoulders.

“ERIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!” I recognized the overly excited voice and looked up at my modelesque baby sister. “I missed you so much!”

I kissed her cheek and turned around to properly hug her. “Hey, happy birthday.”

“You’re like almost my height!” She said, looking down at my heels. Dani was so graciously blessed with being 5’8”, skinny, with straighter hair and caramel skin as opposed to my milk chocolate. Her eyes were the perfect shade of hazel with flecks of green that sparkled perfectly. She was only my half sister as our fathers were different but we were raised both the same, save for the fact that she was a model and I was the throw away. “You look so pretty. I’m glad you’re not in black- Yooooooooooo, who is THIS!?” Her attention turned to Johnny, her eyes wide and mouth practically watering.

“Uh…hey.” he said sheepishly.

“This is my boyfriend, Johnny.”

Dani laughed and slapped my shoulder. “No, really!? Who is he?”

I pouted. “I’m serious. He’s my boyfriend.”

Dani looked at me then stepped up to Johnny. “What’s her favorite color?”

“Pastel pink.” He answered.

“Favorite food?”

“Pizza…and pasta.”

“What instruments can she play?”

“Guitar, and she sings.”

“What’s her favorite anime?”

“Sailor Moon.”

Dani squinted her eyes. “When’s her birthday?”

Fuck, he didn’t know that. I grabbed Dani’s arm, trying to get her attention from ruining our facade. “Dani, can you not grill him please? It’s bad enough Titi Lisa and probably Titi Carmen are talking shit about us already. Also, I haven’t told mom yet.”

“You haven’t told mom yet?! How long have you been dating?”

“It’ll be four months in December.” Johnny added. “We started dating right when the semester started. We have a class together and I thought she was cute so,” He shrugged. “Here we are.”

“Yeah but you’re hot. Eri has never dated anyone this hot before.”

“Well gee, thanks Dani! And i’ve dated cute people before!”

“Yeah cute, not hot. He’s hot. If you’re not going to keep him, I’ll take him.”

“You’re fifteen!” Johnny and I said at the same time.

Dani shrugged. “I mean…”

I held my hand up. “Don’t even go there. He’s like-” How old was Johnny anyway? “Way older than you. Stop being an instagram thot for once. Where’s mami? I need to know when she wants us to line up and start this.”

“I think at 8 exactly, but she’s running around like a chicken with her head cut off. I’ve just been chilling with my friends for now. This dress weighs like 50 pounds and I’m sweating like a whore in church.” Dani fanned at herself and hiked up the bodice of her dress. I looked at her poofy dress that was a beautiful array of soft Monet colors but way too 90’s barbie cake topper. It wouldn’t have been my first choice but I was sure mami wanted it to look as traditional as possible. “Oh, by the wayyyy, I know you have a boyfriend now but mami invited Josue.”

I straightened up completely when I heard that name. Josue was my childhood crush. He was older than me and I never stood a chance with him but we always played together. Once we kissed in my backyard and told me that he wanted to play house with me and be the daddy. I had been in love with him up until I was 12 when he moved away to a different state. “Jo-Josue? He’s coming? Here? Tonight?” I squeaked.

“Who’s Josue?” Johnny interjected.

“Josue is Eri’s big ol’ crush from when she was younger. All they did was play house together and be mommy and daddy and make kissy faces at each other. Then they kissed for real and he touched her chichi’s! But they never lived happily ever after because he moved away.”

“Dani, por favor, why do you have to be like this? I’m just happy to know he’s going to be here. I haven’t even seen him in like…almost 7 years. Besides I’m with Johnny now so it doesn’t matter.” I forced his arm around my waist and he clutched onto it tightly.

“Uh-huh whatever. Have you not followed him on Insta? There’s a lot of nice gym pictures. He hit a growth spurt. He’s like 6”3’ now.”

I swallowed hard. “Really? O-oh wow…”

“Sounds like a tool.” Johnny scoffed. “Ya’ll got beer at this place?”

Dani nodded towards the bar at the back of the venue. “Just fight my uncles off before they drink them all.”

“Cool.” He dipped out completely, leaving me and my sister to be swept away by our mother who had just stepped in like she was out of breath. She hustled to get us all lined up and ready like a bridal party ready to walk down the aisle. I sighed as I stayed in place, shuffling a bit as my feet already started to hurt. My mind started wandering to my childhood crush. Memories started bubbling to the surface; he had been my first kiss, the first to get to second base, and the first person I had wanted to be my boyfriend. He was three years older than me and I didn’t stand a chance with him. But his name was written all over my notebooks until I got my first girlfriend.

I couldn’t help but peek around a bit, wondering if he was already in the venue. I didn’t have much time to investigate as our entrance music started playing and pair by pair we walked into the main dance floor. I was walking with one of my younger cousin’s who I rarely spoke with so I barely paid attention. He had to yank me back a bit when I walked too fast and it made me want to punch him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Johnny leaning against the back wall nursing a beer and watching me intensely. I smiled in his direction, letting him know I was still trying to be civil but he just took another sip and shoved his hand into his pocket. I wondered if he was ignoring me on purpose or if he genuinely didn’t see me. I chewed on my bottom lip almost getting swept up in my thoughts, that was until I saw Dani walking into the room.

Even though I had seen her just minutes ago now that all eyes were on her she looked sparkling and glowing. I’d never seen her look so beautiful before and it brought tears to my eyes that I tried wiping away as soon as they surfaced. I was a proud sibling then. She meant so much to me that I hoped that this day always reminded her of the happiest times she had in her life. We had our ups and downs but for the most part I was always there for her as much as she was there for me. She embarrassed me and I made sure I had to keep her in place before she got too out of hand. Even though I was far away from home now, I knew we would always remain close.

The floor was hers now and we dispersed to let her have the spotlight. I retreated to one of the circular tables while her and our mom shared a dance. It was normally meant for a daughter and her father but since neither of us had them in our lives our mother was the one who deserved to have that dance. I felt a touch on my shoulder and turned to see Johnny sitting behind me at the table. “Want some?” He said, offering the beer which i denied.

“I hate that kind. I’ll leave you too it.”

“She looks nice.”

“She’s a little shit but I love her.”

“I could say the same about you.”

I whipped my head around to stare at him wide eyed. “W-what?”

“I meant like you’re chill! Like i like you. Not like like you but like we’re cool. Uh…you know.” I stammered.

“Right…yeah, um…ok.”

“You wanna dance?!” He said, changing the subject quickly. Dani and my mother had finished their sentimental dance and the dj had switched to some reggaeton/trap mix Dani most likely requested.

“Uh, you mean make a fool out of ourselves?”

He shrugged and chugged down the rest of the beer in a few gulps. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad. My cousins were already grinding with whoever they invited or dancing in groups and laughing. We could probably blend in without being too weird. I kicked off my heels and stood up, extending my hand for him to take. I should’ve had a drink before I even agreed to this. My stomach was already in knots and my anxiety was making me feel like I was going to look stupid but he took my hand and we found a spot in a little corner of the dance floor. I stood in front of him waiting for him to make a move but he just stood there with his hands in his pockets. Why the hell did he keep doing that? Was it a nervous habit?

“So…” he said.

“Are you gonna like…move?”

“I’ve never danced to this sort of music. What do I do?”

“Literally it’s the same as rap music in english. You just sorta…” I gestured towards my family. “Grind on each other and act a fool.”

“So you turn around and just like put your ass against me?”

“Oh my God, have you never done that before?”

“Listen I was a dork and went to high school with a bunch of white kids and we like listened to Ke$ha and Britney Spears. What do you want from me?” He laughed.

“That’s unfortunate.” I joked. I turned around so my back was against his chest and I set his hands on my hips. “I’m not the best but I figure I can put my ass to use.” I worked myself back against him, swaying to the music a bit in hopes of getting him to respond.

Instead he laughed nervously and held my waist tighter. “How do people not get boners doing this?”

“I mean that’s what the song 'Too Close’ is about. Don’t tell me this is turning you on already.” I teased.

He lowered himself to face level and turned my head towards his to kiss me. I held it for a bit, enjoying the way the warmth of his tongue flowed over mine until I realized if my mom caught me doing this my ass would be grass. I pushed him back gently. “Johnny! I can’t do that. Behave!”

“C'mon, I at least need to have a little bit of fun while I’m here. And then when we get back to the motel we can-”

I felt a tap on my shoulder then. Johnny and I both looked up to see a tall, absolutely golden, green eyed adonis that looked like he could pick me up and toss me around in an instant. If I could have heart eyes I definitely would. I let go of Johnny instantly, almost pushing him away as my heart started to skip beats.

“Eri!” I knew it was him instantly even if puberty hit him like a freight train and gave him a deep bass-y voice that made my hair stand on end. He opened his arms to scoop me up and crush me to his barrel chest which smelled of high priced cologne. My feet dangled just a bit when he lifted me. “I can’t believe it. I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“Oh my god, Josue…Jesus, you’re huge.” God I hoped he was huge everywhere.

He laughed and I tried not to show how much it affected me. “Oh yeah, I’m really into that health and fitness thing. You really uh…wow. Definitely not a teeny bopper anymore.” He set me back down and adjusted the sleeves of his suit jacket.

“Yep! Got bigger boobs now, haha!” Why did I say that? WHY???

He licked his lips a smiled a bit. “I can definitely see that.”

Johnny cleared his throat deeply. Josue turned his attention to the man behind me. “Oh hey, I’m Josue. Who are you?”

“I’m her boy-”

“This is just Johnny!” I interjected with a nervous laugh. “Just Johnny! Want to go get something to drink? We can catch up!”

Josue flashed his incredibly perfect teeth. “Yeah I’d love that.” He set his giant hand against the small of my back ushering me away from Johnny.

“Eri!” Johnny said sternly.

“I’ll just be quick!” I mouthed to him, letting myself get whisked away. He didn’t seem too happy about that but I could let him sulk for a bit. I was too preoccupied at the moment anyway.

–

Johnny’s POV

That was fucked up. Way more than fucked up and I was pissed off beyond belief. She was the one who begged me to come with her so she would survive her family. Now she was head over heels for some dude she had a crush on years ago who looked like the biggest douchebag to ever exist. He was taller than me and more built, had perfect teeth and no lisp. I wanted to punch him dead in the jaw.

I didn’t know what to do now. If I went after her it might cause a scene which I didn’t completely want. I still knew that this party was important to her sister and unlike her I wasn’t being an asshole for once. I could get another drink and maybe get away with being a little tipsy but her loud uncles were hogging up the space and the bartender’s attention. I grumbled as I sat back down at the table. my arms crossed as I contemplated leaving her and going back to the motel by myself.

"What are you pouting for?!” Dani said as she plopped down next to me, her poofy dress seeming to expand.

“Nothing.”

“Where’s Eri?”

“With precious Josue.” I said bitterly.

“Ah, so he finally found her. I knew he would.” She drummed her nails on the table thinking over her next statement. “You’re not dating my sister are you?”

“It’s complicated…”

“You’re fuck buddies?”

“Yes.”

“I figured as much. She can’t never lie right when it comes to me. So, you’re in love with her then?”

I snapped my head towards her. “Excuse me?”

“You’re in love with her right? I mean that’s the only reason you would be sulking over her because Eri went off with her new papi.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m not sulking.” She was definitely Eri’s sister with how she blurted out things without consequence.

“Look, if you want to win her over you need to definitely do something that will make her remember you. Not that I want to hear about my sister’s sex life or even think about her getting p or v action, but if you got something she might like, go for it. And do it before she ends up going to Josue’s hotel.” She craned her neck to see where Eri and that asshole had gone off too. “Looks like he may have already given her his number.”

I looked in the same direction, my anger only getting stronger. They were huddled over their phones, laughing, with Eri casually (but noticeably) keeping her hands on him. I didn’t want to “win her over”. I wanted to stake my claim and tell him to fuck right off. The grip on my biceps got tighter the more I stared at them. “Ay, you got a younger brother?”

I turned my attention back to Dani, a bit grateful that she was distracting me enough to not go apeshit. “What? No? I’m an only child.”

“Wack. But like if you’re not gonna date Eri then likeeee…”

“You’re fifteen! I’m not going to jail nor am I interested.”

“Ok, ok…but like do you have any younger friends? What flavor Asian are you? Chinese? Or like them ones that dance on tv? The um…the Korean ones!”

“Oh my God.” I ran a hand over my face. “Yes I’m Korean. And no I don’t have any friends your age. My only young friend in Toronto is 18, which is still illegal.”

“Dammit. You know Eri be listening to that stuff right?”

I pulled out my phone, wanting her to take a hint that she was now annoying me without being too rude. “Doesn’t surprise me when she fucks half of Asia.”

“All her hookups are with Asian guys?”

“As far as I’m aware. But who fuckin’ knows.”

“Oooohhh I gotta mess with her about that. Guess she trying to get that carribean dick now.” She cackled and slapped my back hard as she got up. “Call me, ok?!” She said as she finally left me to join the gaggle of teenage girls that were her friends.

I rubbed my temples and took a few deeps breaths. I needed a smoke, badly. I looked to see if Eri was still stuck to Josue’s side but they were nowhere to be found. I looked around the dance floor trying to see if they might have gone there. Sure enough she was grinding on him now, definitely not as awkward as she had been with me. She was practically bent over and ready to get fucked by him. Fuck it. I stood up and weaved through everyone dancing to make my way over to her. I stood in front of her, watching as she came up from shaking her ass.

“Can we help you?” Josue yelled over the music to me. I rolled my eyes at him and took Eri’s chin in my hand giving her a deep kiss. She stumbled back a bit and gripped onto my vest. When i pulled away i licked my lips, tasting the slight flavor of her lipstick.

“Johnny!” She exclaimed.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asked, in his macho voice, trying to one up me.

“Oh, you didn’t know?” I grabbed onto Eri’s waist and kept her close to me. “She’s MY girlfriend. You had your fun catching up right?”

“Eri, you didn’t tell me-”

She looked panicked as she glanced between us. “No, wait- It’s just-”

“Come with me.” I growled in her ear. “Now.”

“Johnny , I swear to g-” I kept my arm around her waist and lead her towards the front door of the venue. When we were in the clear she whipped around to face me. “What the actual fuck?!”

“I should be asking you the same thing! You’re really gonna ditch me to throw yourself on him? After you begged me to come here?!”

“I wasn’t throwing myself on him! We haven’t seen each other in 7 years! So excuse me if I wanted to talk with him.”

“Hard to talk to him with his dick practically in your mouth! What is wrong with you?!”

“Why are you being such a jerk again! You always do this!” She yelled.

“You’re the one being the jerk this time! I’m fuckin’ pissed. When are we leaving?”

“Leaving?! I have to stay here for at least a few hours! Clearly you don’t know how these go.”

“No, Eri, i fuckin’ don’t. But I do know that you going off with someone else while I’m supposed to be your boyfriend blows our entire cover. So either you fucking act right or I can leave right now. You sister already knows were lying.”

“Fuck!” She stomped her foot and sighed. “I knew she would figure it out. She better not tell anyone.”

“I’m pretty sure she won’t have to with you being stupid. Get me my cigs from your purse wallet thingy.”

“Get you-? Get it yourself! I’m freezing and I’m going back inside. And maybe i’ll still be talking with Josue!”

I grabbed her arm and held onto it. “Eri, do you want to go there? Really want to go there?” My eyes caught hers and i could see how hard she swallowed. Her chest was heaving chest a bit and trembling with the cold.

“What are you going to do?” She sniffled.

“Do you want to find out?”

“M-maybe.”

I let her go then opened the door, guiding her back inside. “Then keep it up. I dare you.”

She stayed quiet then but shuffled ahead of me quickly. I realized I had made her walk outside without her shoes on or our coats but it was whatever at this point. I needed her to know that I wasn’t playing games any more. She was mine.

–*

Eri’s POV

I could barely keep up with Johnny’s long strides from the parking lot to the door of our motel room. He continued his little tyrade of sticking by me and keeping me from Josue, never letting go of my hand, or my waist, even when he went through the ringer of meeting more members of my family. Him being pissed off had me pissed off and it didn’t help when my family told me how fat I looked, or asked when Johnny and I were getting married, or why I had spent so much time in college, or even that what I was studying wasn’t going to get me a real job. It made the entire rest of the night absolutely fucking miserable. Not to mention when I told my mother I was going to spend the night in the motel with Johnny instead of driving home at midnight she blew up on me, saying that it wasn’t right and insisting that I stay at the house. I refused to and I had no idea why she still thought I was some sort of Virgin de Guadalupe or some shit. It was another fight to end this magical night. I gave up and just wanted to take a hot shower, put on my fuzzy pajamas on and possibly smoother Johnny with a pillow as he slept.

Johnny barged into our room, not even bothering to hold the door open for me. I didn’t even want to deal with him since I was still mad at my mother for treating me like a child. I went straight to prepping for my shower, tossing my clutch and fake eyelashes on the desk and my phone on the bed so i could plug it in to charge. I unzipped the dress as best as I could without his assistance and shimmied out of it, leaving it a puddle in front of the bed. I didn’t care anymore. Not one bit. After I showered I pulled the too short towel around me and went back into the shared space. Johnny was sitting in the chair, feet propped up on the desk and tie loosened. He was glaring at me and I swallowed hard at the intensity. He dropped his legs and leaned forward in the seat, undoing the first few buttons on his dress shirt.

I tried to ignore the effect he had on me and instead went to my duffel bag to try and find my pajamas. He stopped me as I passed by him, grabbing my wrist and pulling me in front of him. “Ow! What’s your problem now?!” I asked, still trying to clutch onto my towel so it wouldn’t fall.

“This night was complete bullshit. I’m your boyfriend and all you could do was throw yourself onto that guy and embarrass me in front of everyone.”

“I wasn’t throwing myself on him!” I argued again. I hated that he was saying that. So what if I found Josue incredibly attractive and felt like a preteen again as soon as I saw him? That was my business and not Johnny’s.

“You grinded on him, got his number, and had your arms around him for minutes on end. You made me look stupid. I’m your boyfriend, Eri.”

“Fake boyfriend.” I corrected.

“That’s what I meant.”

“Why should you be embarrassed then?!”

“Because your uncles didn’t think that I was man enough to keep you with me. And your aunts talked shit about me all night.” He pressed himself up against me making the edge of the desk dig into my lower back. “You said you were going to be civil and you were far from civil.” He set his hands on either side of my hips, keeping me in place.

“A-ah, Johnny…back u-up.” I whimpered and avoided looking at him but he grabbed my face roughly.

“You wanna try that shit again, Eri? Hmm?”

I could feel his fingers digging harshly into my jaw. “I didn’t do anything wrong! You’re just a jealous prick that-”

He pulled away from me and shoved me back onto the bed, instantly hovering over me. My towel fell open just like my legs and he pinned both my wrists above my head in one of his large hands. I swallowed hard and felt my heartbeat increase. I had no idea what had gotten into him and i was partially thinking about what Doyoung had said about Johnny. Was he actually trying to manipulate me and make me feel bad for being with Josue? I bit my lip as I thought, wondering what his next move would be. “Get off me.” I tried to sound strong but it was a pathetic attempt.

“Open.” He demanded.

“W-what?” What the hell did he want? I figured it out quickly as three of his fingers dove down my throat almost making me gag. I squirmed against him, trying to edge my head away but he was adding more of his weight onto me as his fingers plowed into my mouth. His knee was pressed right into my center, the residual wetness from the shower dampening the fabric. I tried swallowing around the invasion when his knee started to rock into me.

“Suck harder, Eri.”

I didn’t dare look at him. His voice was doing something to me as always. Stirring the pot of emotions and hormones that made me fall into a space of complete submission. This wasn’t like his usual ways though throughout or hookups I could see the dominance poking through. Now he was another person that I was desperate to get to know. I tried my best to suck deeper at his fingers, sliding my tongue around them and providing them all the wetness they hopefully needed. I knew exactly where they were going and i was going to be stretched far beyond my imagination. With his thrust his rings kissed my lips, shocking me with a bit of cold and excitement. I edged my tongue around the silver as best I could given the invasion that took up most of my mouth. Slowly the metal warmed up and I pressed my thighs against his, feeling a tingling throughout my center.

He pulled his hand away sharply, making me cough as his glistening fingers dove lower. Two were rushed inside me making my knees jerk up towards my chest and toes curl. I was already crying out his name, wanting him to slow down just enough for me to catch my breath and adjust but he ignored me. Instead he was working in the third finger, forcing my walls to flex and waver around him. He was already digging my arousal out of me. I could hear it so blatantly echoing in our room. I buried my face in my arm beside my head, still being unable to free my hands though I struggled as much as I could. He seemed to like that struggle as his fingers curled deep inside me, knuckles pressing against my entrance, the rings threatening to push past and fill me up too.

“Fuck, Johnny!!!” I cried out as my thighs almost snapped shut. It was starting to be too much and I could feel myself already crawling towards an orgasm.

“Quiet.” Was all he said as he pulled his fingers out to give me some relief from the pressure. I was throbbing and gaping around the stretch he left behind, my whole lower half practically trembling. He finally let me go and sat down on the bed. He splayed his legs open, unzipping his dress pants and beckoning me over to him. “Get over here.”

I shook my head, raising myself to my knees and shrinking myself away. I wasn’t scared of him, far from it. I was definitely turned on more than anything but I wanted to push him further than he had ever been capable of. He wanted to be a jealous boyfriend that pushed my buttons well I was going to push right back. “You’re being a jerk. I’m not giving you the satisfaction, especially after you decided to barge in there with your giant ass fingers!”

He lurched forward and grabbed onto my arm before I could wiggle away. He yanked me to his chest then gripped the back of my neck hard. Our eyes met before he pulled me close to his lips. “I like it better when you don’t talk.”

I squinted at him, almost in shock that he used my own line against me. “You fucker.”

He pressed me down towards his lap though I tried to resist as much as I could. It was no use as he was stronger than me and I was face to face with his growing length trapped within his briefs. His hand was now digging into my hair keeping me firmly in place. I landed a bite to his hipbone making sure he knew I wasn’t too pleased in the way he was handling me. He hissed out my name and arched his hips, his nails digging into my scalp. I wrapped my hand around his, trying to pry his iron grip away while adding kitten licks to the outline of his cock. That seemed to soothe him a little as I heard him exhale through his nose as he relaxed back against the wall. His nails quit marking my skin and he opted to push my hair away from my face gently instead of trying to rip it out.

I slid his briefs back and guided him towards my mouth pressing kisses down the shaft before licking back up to the tip. Once I got to the tip, I took him in, swallowing his head completely. I shifted my hips to raise my ass higher for him to look at knowing it would tease him. I looked up at him and saw the full pleasure that was written across his face. His eyes had closed, his lips pressed together, and his fingers trailing down to open more buttons on his dress shirt. I popped off him and placed kisses up his stomach with each new area that became exposed. “I can tease that little spot that you like.” I smirked and added a slow stroke to his cock.

“Actually, I have a better idea.” He shoved me down onto my back and straddled my shoulders, his cock now hovering above my face. I couldn’t move with his weight on me and I was trapped between his thick thighs. He tapped my lips with his cock which I absolutely hated. I slapped at his stomach but he remained stoic. He only moved to shove himself down my throat, propping one hand against the wall while the other kept my head in place. He worked quickly to rock his hips against my face making me claw at him. I wasn’t used to this sort of thing, even with all of my experience, and it hurt like all hell. I was trying my damnedest not to gag around him but it was impossible given the fact that he was ramming into my throat. My eyes watered and tears fell against my will. My nails dug into his hips as I silently begged for him to slow down.

He was moaning my name, more than he ever had before, completely lost in the pleasure of torturing my throat. He looked fucking amazing, I had to give him that much, even if I hated what he was doing to me. I loved the way his hair was coming undone from the gel he used, the way his dress shirt lay open and his tie dangled above me like an invitation. The way his thighs stretched out his dress pants was a dream and I wanted to touch every part of him. I reached for the thinner end of his tie, pulling roughly so it zipped up to his throat. He lurched back at the sudden pressure and looked down at me. He must have seen my fucked up state because he pulled out, leaving me grossed out by the messy spit that connected us still.

"Fu-fucker. That hurt” I croaked.

He pulled off me completely before lifting me up to sit in his lap. He wiped away my tears and I buried my face in his neck, clutching onto his vest. He kissed at my cheek, pulling me away from hiding. “You ok?”

I sniffled and nodded. He worked his hands over my sides and hips trying to soothe me more. Of course he couldn’t help himself and gripped my ass tight which made me laugh just a bit. “I’ve never done that before…”

“Really?” He asked, surprised.

“Ok, I’m a hoe but like there are some things I haven’t done before. You have to remember you dick is huge, dude. I’m small.”

He gave me soft tender kisses and tucked my hair behind my ear. “I know, princess. I’m sorry. But don’t think you’re getting away with this shit either.”

I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest. “I stand by the fact that I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Hmm.” Was all he said before he tossed me face down onto the bed. I looked back at him as he discarded the rest of his clothes, dangerously holding his tie in his hand. He mounted me, as I was completely his to take and wrapped the loop of the tie around my wrists, pulling tight. “You like this don’t you?” It was supposed to be a command but I could tell it was mostly an uneasy question and he needed permission to continue.

I nodded and smiled at him. “I like it a lot, daddy.” I gave him a quick kiss sealing my consent. I threw out my rule of not using our titles with one another since he couldn’t actually communicate but in this moment I need him to know that I was his to command and I was giving him as much power as I would allow.

He wrapped the length tie around his fist, keeping a firm hold on it. His other hand jerked my hips up while his knee nudged my legs apart as far as they could go. My ass was raised, arms outstretched, and my body was trembling with excitement. His first thrust was swift and hard. I could hear his hips snap against me and I was barely able to hold myself up in that moment. My arms shook weakly and I dug my fingers into the sheets as my mouth curved into a silent moan. He was almost too deep for me to handle and every slam into me seemed harsher than the last. I couldn’t really keep up. It was overpowering and I wanted to scream my pleasure into the tiny room though I could barely even mumble a word.

My fingers curled as I tried to send tension to my arms instead of my weakening legs. It was useless though and I could feel my stomach tightening. He landed a slap to my ass just as I tried to pull away from him and regroup. I hissed and bowed my head, breathing out his title again. Suddenly, my phone buzzed by my head, the screen lighting up and distracting me. I turned to see who it was and winced. This was the worst time for him to call.

Johnny pressed my head into the mattress and sped up his brutal thrusts. “Why don’t you answer it, Eri? Let him hear how good you’re getting fucked. Tell him who’s really your boyfriend.”

I opened my mouth to say anything but all that came out we’re soft croaks. I panicked when I saw him reach for my phone and I struggled to move to try and block him. “D-dont, please don’t.” I was finally able to say. He let go of his grip on the tie wrapped around my wrists and instead set it around my neck. The call disappeared much to my relief.

“What a shame Eri. Let’s see if he calls back or if he took the fucking hint.” I swallowed hard and nodded, biting into my lip to try and still my moans. He quickly latched his teeth into my neck, sucking deeply like he always did when he wanted to mark me. “Stay on all fours, got it?”

I propped myself back to my elbows as he forced my thighs to rest on the outside of his. I could hear his moan of satisfaction at the sight of me splayed open with his cock stuffed inside me. I wanted to shy away and hide but he wouldn’t let me of course. He resumed his grip on the tie, pulling it taught around my neck and constricting my air flow. My eyelids fluttered and i wondered if this was heaven. Jesus, it felt so amazing even if every muscle in my body felt like it was burning and my insides were a scrambled mess. While he made my back dip by pulling my neck by the tie I felt his other hand slid down from my hips to my wetness, flowing over my clit. I was grateful for the extra attention and wiggled my hips to rock back against him and dive further into his fingers.

His finger started to trail from my clit to dance around my gaping entrance and just like before he pressed the long digit in little by little until it was almost as deep as his cock. I pleaded for him to stop, it was too much, too overwhelming for my overly sensitive walls but he kept working away at my torturous pleasure. That, coupled with his thickness, made the tendons in my legs strain as bliss shot through me. My moans mixed in with my strangled pants as he dared to press a second finger into me.“J-johnny!!” I rasped. “It’s too much!!”

He pressed his body weight harder against me, keeping me pinned so I would have no way from escaping the overstretching. “You’re not going anywhere.” He whispered harshly in my ear, making me shudder. He curled his finger then, the pressure of his knuckles against his cock, and the sliding of his rings against my heated walls made me clench meekly around him. Johnny enjoyed seeing me writhe beneath him, seeing me try and focus on being a good brat when in reality I was starting to unravel into a brainless mess. Nothing had a hold on my attention like the buildup he was creating inside me. I could barely process the words he was saying to me with how fuzzy my senses were. He curled his fingers deeper getting right to the root of my pleasure. The head of his cock was edging as far as it could go within me, his fingers pressed into the perfect spot, and his thumb brought back smalls swipes and circles against my clit. It was a haphazard clusterfuck of intense sensations that all culminated into a harsh orgasm that sent my mind reeling. It felt like my cum rushed out of me, painting my thighs with a deep warmth that was astounding.

I squeezed my eyes shut as my entire frame trembled. My muscles seized, tensed, and finally gave out. I fell forwards, collapsing onto the bed in a breathless heap. My lower half practically felt numb and I tried to concentrate on not passing out. It wasn’t just the physical fatigue, the mental and emotional fatigue of the entire day weighed on me in that moment. My few seconds of recuperation was cut short when Johnny pulled his fingers out of me. I felt another gush then, making me a bit confused as to how wet I really was. It definitely felt different and I could hear Johnny make some remark though his words weren’t registering. He said something else and I nodded weakly, agreeing to whatever he had posed just for me to have the ability to relax soon.

But that was definitely wishful thinking. He yanked me almost to the edge of the bed and continued his brutal fucking. I let him grip onto the back of my thighs as he huffed out growls and moans. He was swelling inside me, making me wince yet encourage him with mumbles that I thought were words. His fingertips dug into me harder and that sweet heat spread throughout my body again. I smiled and relished in the feeling of him pumping into me, slower and slower, until he milked himself completely. I laid there, unmoving and enjoying the way he felt inside me like I always did until I i lost myself in sleep.

–*

Johnny’s POV

I felt her move beneath me and there was a stickiness and sweatiness between us. I groaned as I didn’t really want to move but I needed to break away and get some air. My hand was over hers, my body curled around her, and my cock of course still inside her. It was almost perfect save for the giant wet spot we were forced to lay in because she squirted everywhere. We had both fallen asleep almost immediately after and i just adjusted her in the bed for me to have enough room to spoon her. Now everything made me feel like I needed an hour long shower. I rolled away, letting go of her hand and putting my forearm over my eyes to block out the bright light of the room. How long were we even asleep for?

She mumbled something and groaned, blinking a few times before fully looking at me. “Hey.” She sounded like she had smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day for the past 40 years and I cringed at my handiwork. She tried clearing her throat but opted that it was too sore and winced in pain.

“Hey…maybe you shouldn’t talk…” She glared at me and I shuffled a bit away so she wouldn’t attack me.

“I feel gross. Why is everything wet? What happened?”

“What do you mean what happened? We fucked?”

“No, no, I know that. But I was so tired at the end-” She paused to rub at her throat. “I felt like half asleep. It was good though but I was worn out.” She laughed softly.

“Well, you’re welcome for that but like…do you even remember your orgasm?”

She nodded quickly, her smile beaming. “Oh yeah.”

“You squirted everywhere and basically we’ve been laying in the soaked sheets because we’re dumb as fuck.”

“Wait…squirted? No, i can’t do that. I’ve never done that.”

“What do you mean you cant do that? You literally did. Twice. The first time when you had your big one and then when i pulled my fingers out. It was like…not how they make it out to be in porn. Like not some weird super soaker spray but like-”

She held her hand up to stop me. “Please don’t describe it any further. I just…holy shit.”

I pulled out of her slowly, never getting used to that amazing feeling. It got me every time. It also sent my cum dripping out of her which was almost as good of a sight as her squirting. “Fuck…”

She wiggled a bit, a look of discomfort on her face. “What the hell?”

“We’ll now we got my cum on the sheets…” I said, partially annoyed. We really had to get them off this bed.

“DID YOU CUM IN ME AGAIN?!”

Her yelling caught me off guard. “Yes? I asked you this time and you agreed!”

“When?!”

“What do you mean when!?”

“I’m sorry if I was too fucked out and tired to freakin’ listen to you blab during sex! But you can’t be doing that! It freaks me out!!!”

“Hey, i asked to cash in my favor and you definitely said yes so I did it. It is not my fault.” I sat up slowly and inched my way to roll off the bed. “Come on. We need to get these off and I think I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Aren’t you worried at all?” She said softly.

“Me? Not really. I told you it’ll be alright. We’ve got everything covered.” It was a lie but I was blinded by how good it felt sexually and I also didn’t want to make her panic more than she already was. I told myself I’d stop after this one last time and not risk it anymore. She didn’t move and I could tell she was overthinking again. I went over to her and scooped her into my arms, holding her bridal style. “I’ll have you get the shower started while I take care of the bed. She held onto my neck and buried her face in my chest as I walked her into the bathroom, gently setting her down in the tub. “You ok?”

“Y-yeah…” She reached up and pulled me in for a kiss that I held for a long time. It wasn’t deep or passionate but more so intimate and warm. I sighed and cupped her face.

“Go, ok? I’ll be right back.”

I pulled away from her which seemed to be getting harder and harder each time. Even if it was just back into the room it felt like a million miles away. I tore off the soaked sheets, glad that the comforter was still mostly dry, and tossed them in the corner of the room. I said a silent apology to housekeeping and hoped to all hell they wouldn’t look at it directly when they put it in the wash. I padded back to the bathroom and slipped in behind her.

“Turn around.” She said and I gave her a questioning look. She sucked her teeth. “I was just about to get the…stuff out.”

“Eri, i’ve literally seen you every which way. Do you really think I care how you look getting my cum out of you?”

“JUST DO IT.”

I sighed and turned around, picking up the little motel bar of soap and ripping off the plastic. I waited for her to finish, getting impatient about being in the cold spot. “Dude, hurry up.”

“THERE IS A LOT OK? You don’t cum like a normal human being!”

“Apparently neither do you, Splash Mountain.”

‘OH MY GOD. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.”

I snorted and looked back at her. “Can I please get under the water now? I’m freezing.”

She switched spots with me and I finally got under the hot stream, thankful to wash away a whole nights worth of sex. My time under the stream by myself didn’t last long as Eri snuggled up next to me, her hair a soaking mess of waves that framed her face and made her look like a painting of a goddess. “Too cold. I want to be next to you.”

“You big baby.” I joked and ruffled her hair. She pouted and poked at my stomach making me squirm away. Our antics made our shower way more fun than it should’ve been, mimicking the perfect time we had in the tub before I freaked out on her. It was almost like a do over and I was appreciative of that fact. Once we were done and dried we curled up, facing one another, under the comforter. And although we were both fatigued, we stood up for hours talking about shit I never even dreamed about knowing about her. By the time the sun rose I was able to realize that one thing was for sure. I was in love with her.

–

We thought everything would be fine after that, and it was between us, but on Eri’s side things seemed to hit the fan one after the other. Their grandpa, who was back on the island they were from, fell ill. Their mother didn’t let them have a say in anything and whisked them away, making them leave school and work behind. There was a looming threat that they could be fired or even lose their financial aid which worried them just as much as their grandpa’s health. Each night they were gone we would facetime just so I could see them. I missed having them beside me whenever I wanted and it wasn’t even about the sex anymore. I genuinely found that I liked talking to them. There was never any judgement and I started to understand why certain things were important to them. Now I had to be there for them and help them stay strong even though I knew they were crumbling.

I was laying on my side, my phone propped against the wall, as I watched them cry. There wasn’t much I could do, or even say, at this point but i remained on the video. They apologized over and over for crying so much but i reassured them that I didn’t care. They let me know that it was okay when I cried and I wanted them to know the same. “I miss you..” They hiccuped.

I sniffed and cleared my throat, swallowing my own emotions. “I miss you too…you know you have to be there. It’s going to be okay.”

“He’s gonna die Johnny. I know it. I visited him today at the hospital and my mom and my aunts just keep putting this weird bandaid on it. They keep thinking he’s going to bounce back and be able to take care of the house and my grandma and he wont. He literally wont. I don’t know why they won’t just fuckin’ say it.”

“They’re scared, Eri. They’re losing one of their parents. It’s always going to be scary.”

“I know that but I hate being the only fucking rational one here. It’s driving me insane. Just look at him and say he’s going to die! He’s just going to die, Johnny. He’s going to…” They burst into another round of tears and buried their face into a pillow, muffling the heart wrenching sobs. I wish I could be there. I wish I could hold them so fucking tight and never let them go. It hurt me to see them like this.

“Baby, look at me, ok?” They moved their head up and wiped at their eyes. “When you come back here, i’ll be here for you ok? It’s going to be hard but I’ll help you get through this. And so will Quinn and stupid ass Lucas and all your other friends.”

I finally saw them crack a small smile which made me feel a little better. “I know…I-” Suddenly, someone burst into their room. I couldn’t make out who it was exactly as the video started to pixelate. They had a conversation that I couldn’t understand but seemed stressed. They grabbed their phone and finally the video came back into view. “I have to go. I-I’ll talk to you later, ok?!” Before I could even respond the video was cut off and I had my own disturbance burst into my room. I shot up in bed, looking at Jae who seemed to be distressed. Great, was everyone around me having issues at once?

“Dude, what the-” He held his cell phone out in his shaking hand and I could see a call from an unknown number going on. “What?” I asked, still confused.

“Talk. Talk now.” was all he said.

I took the phone tentatively and held it to my ear. My body went into shock as soon as I heard the voice that had haunted me for weeks on end. The voice that made my skin crawl and make me want to vomit. What she said next drenched my blood run cold.

“Johnny, I’m pregnant.”

#johnny #johnny fanfic #johnny smut #johnny suh #johnny seo #nct #nct 127 fanfic #johnny nct #nct 127 fanfiction #nct 127 #nct smut #nct 127 smut

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bahrlee · 4 years

Text

Suck the blood from my Wound

Enter: Raph the Womf

🦇🦇🦇chapter 5: Impossible🦇🦇🦇

The next day, the three girls were reported as dead due to…. Throat related injuries. They didnt go into much detail as to not disgust or trigger their viewer's, they just mentioned the basics---they were found in the woods with their throats ripped out, bitemarks present---but still. It left him a little nauseous, and nervous. They were only in kindergarten, and here they were, viciously mangled buy someone in the woods during probably one of the happiest day of their lives. He tried to connect Dook too the crime, that would so obviously point to him, but there was just something so off about it in the first place. Were vampire fangs that strong enough to pull out a little girls trachea? Mitzi would definitely think so, in fact he remembered she said so.

Even though it was still offputting, he didnt let that ruin his day. He needed to get his house back to its former glory since that weird night. He found it hard to go on with his day, however, since there was an unpleasantness in the air that couldnt be ignored. Everyone all day was looking over their shoulders, hugging themselves, holding their children close to them as they walked down the streets. He has never seen a mother walk so quickly from him, a man with long blonde hair wearing cargo shorts a a shirt with flamingos on it. They were scared of any man, he guessed, since men always seemed to be the killers. Even ones who look like theyd surfed since they were toddlers. Which reminded him that he needed to surf again soon. Ever since Fatz left, he never found the motivation to hop on a board for awhile. But for now, today's goal: paint over the scratches on the wall. He was so happy it was only the paint that chipped, no actually wall damage, because he didnt know how to fix something like that. He wasnt good at fixing things.

The inside of the store was just as somber. Mothers pulling their kids from the toy isle when they usually let them explore it by themselves, the newspaper wrack was completely empty, things were just so different. It was only one murder, and everyone was losing it, like Ted Bundy was on the loose. And it was only one murder. Well, three, but it was all done at once. Who knows what would happen when or if another one happened? Who knows what would happen if they found out that a possible culprit was a vampire? That was too scary to think about, so he stopped and went to go get him some paint. He didnt even know what to do about the carpet yet.

Heck, what was he going to do about anything anymore since the possibilities seemed endless, now that there was a vampire loose through town.

🦇🦇🦇

He stayed up late, but for the last couple days hes been staying up TOO late, trying to contemplate what he has learned. He just lived his life. Making a deal to become some sort of spy, getting himself involved in a rivalry between two different cryptids who treated it as though it were the civil war, except one of the sides wasnt even aware of what was happening and what the other was planned against them.

Just like he predicted, he didnt see him that much. For the first day, he once again had nothing to report to Mitzi. The next day, same thing. He hasn't seen him since their conversation at Roxys. She did return her part of the deal, providing the conversations you usually had with a friend. He even sat in the water with her, so she didnt have to be in such shallow places. That case if anyone walked by they wouldnt see the rest of her. They didnt get too deep, just stories, small talk, interesting things about being a sea monster and vice versa since even though she lived a double life she didnt exactly know too much, the normal stuff. She seemed a little upset he hasn't seen him, but it's not like he was seeking him out every single day. He wasnt a stalker. What a funny turn of events that would be though, if the HUMAN turned out to be the stalker instead of the vampire. That would be interesting. He hoped she didnt cut the deal off, and kept explaining to her why stalking is actually a bad thing, feeling shamefully desperate. But he couldnt help it, he had no friends.

He crossed his fingers, however, that they would cross paths again, both to satisfy Mitzi, and to see him again. He was so torn, when he spotted him acrossed the room at a comedy club while out with Fatz, he didnt know if he should go up to him.

🦇🦇🦇

He preferred to sit in the back of everywhere, appearently. Maybe because it was so dark, and secluded, that he wouldnt be called out by the comic onstage at this particular place. Although it felt so out of place for him to be anywhere in town, or anywhere around town, really. Maybe theres this whole council of vampires, and hes on a mission right now given to him by them. Maybe he just liked to hang out at relatively dark places, or examine the nature of mortals. Or…. Maybe he was looking for his next victim, adult and in the next town this time, to mix it up a little.

His shoes were glowing this time. Similar to the vintage boots he wore, but this time the stars and crescent moons lit up. That was enough to mesmerize him.

"Whatcha looking at there, Beach?" Fatz asked, noticing his glances.

"Well obviously that boy over there." Esmeralda answered him instead of Beach. That was the thing with her, she answered all of Fatz' questions, even when directed to him, or somebody else.

"Hes a new guy. Met him at the movies once." Beach explained.

"Guess we didnt have to order you food tonight then," Esmeralda quipped. "You got yourself a nice meal right over there."

"Esme, I tried to flirt with him, okay? It's like flirting with Wednesday Addams child if she had a baby with the Willy Wonka from Tim Burtons awful adaptation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." He angrily drank his coke.

"Maybe you're just a bad flirt, you know?"

"Oh be quiet, Esmeralda. Beach is fine. Hes charming!" Fatz retorted enthusiastically.

"If you're so charming, go up to him. Say hi. Buy him a drink." Esmeralda advised.

"He doesnt drink." Beach quickly reverbed.

"Well now why doesnt he drink?"

Because hes a vampire, future Mrs. Geronimo.

"I dont know. I jus know hes not much for actually living in the moment you know, he just…." He turned and looked at him again, his head so obviously in the clouds. "....Kind of observes everything."

"You always go for the types that just sit there and look pretty, dont you?" Fatz said. He always questioned his type. The very monotone, 'too cool for school' men who tended to be more introverted and less talkative, two opposites of Beach. He liked his conversations. He was one of the best people to converse with because he kept it going. But he always went for the guys who's social skills were a bit stale. At least that's what Fatz thought, the truth was hes been with men of all kinds, Fztz only saw the shy guys, who were much less sh the more you got to know them. Fatz just tended to hold onto first impressions a little longer than he should.

"Shut up, quit acting like you know my type." He glowered.

"Cant deny it, Beach." He shrugged.

Some friend he was.

Esmeralda checked the time on her phone. "Fatz, its 10."

"Oh, what? Its 10 already?" He said.

"Yeah! We gotta go Beach, we're sorry. We gotta get sleep so we catch our flight to Louisiana for my family reunion tomorrow." She said.

A little mad that they were leaving, but understanding he had no control over it, he let them leave. He wasnt going to be too petty about it. Speak of Louisiana, however… he turned and saw Dook there, legs crossed, shows glowing---he still couldnt get over that, he wanted glowing shoes now---his eyes fixated on nothing.

Now that he was alone, he could probably try to talk with him. Mustering up his courage, he stood up, forgetting how tall he was for a moment and feeling a bit clumsy, and walked over to him. He seemed to be really deep in his own mind, because when he said hello, he jumped.

"Jesus christ!" He exclaimed. "What?!"

He held up a hand and waved. "Hello."

He exhaled loudly, giving him the stink eye, genuinely annoyed by his presence. "What the hell are you everywhere I go?" He spoke, putting emphasis on every word.

"Just find it funny that we find each other everywhere."

"No, you come up to me, say your shit, trying to get into my pants or whatever."

These non-mortals sure had some big mouths on them. But he guessed if they cant even get along within their world, of course they dont put any care into their interactions with humans. Was this his life now? Getting yelled at by two overgrown leeches for the rest of his days?

"No, I just came over here to say I like your shoes." He said. "You dont drink alcohol, but do you drink soda?" He recalled him drinking something at the movies.

Dook pointed to the soda on the table. "Little too late for that, man."

Dangit.

"Why are you so rude?" He asked him. "Why cant you just talk to me like a normal person without everything coming out of your mouth being a nasty comment? Why cant I just treat you nicely and be treated nicely back, huh?"

Dook slightly smirked at him. "Ficety."

Beach was a tad frustrated, but it only made him want to try harder. "No, you're ficety. I'm just trying to talk to you."

"You a nice guy?"

"No, I'm Beach."

And he finally heard him legitimately laugh. He was surprised at how audacious it was, and how much it revealed about him---he was a pretty goofy person. He seemed to be one for jokes, and humor. "Oh my god, alright, you're pretty funny, you can stay I guess. Sit down."

He obliged, feeling like he just achieved something impossible.

"So, Beach, if that's even you're real name, which I know it isnt, go ahead. Make this a speed date. Tell me a-a bit about yourself."

"Um…. Well…. I like surfing, and writing---I was an english major, actually---"

"Oh, interesting. Tell me something smart."

His mind drew a blank.

"Oh yes, wonderful. Did you uh, drop out or anything?"

"No, finished all four years. First one in my family not to drop out to persue a career as a rockstar, actually." He babbled, just excited to be getting through to him in any way.

"Huh. Interesting. I never went to college." He stirred the straw in his soft drink, smiling modestly.

"Did you drop out to become a rockstar?"

He thought for a moment. "Eh, kinda just happened. My dad forced me to play in a band when I was a sophmore. Actually, uh, enjoyed it and decided to stick with it for awhile. After that, I sang with my sister for a bit, and then something happened, and now I'm here."

"Huh." He knew what the thing was. He was immortalized. "Tell me about her."

"She lives back home. Three kids. A bit older than me, that's why she already has three. School music teacher." He said.

"Cool. I have a brother who's much older than me. Not as cool, kinda mean." He sighed.

"Hm, not very close to anyone, are you? I always see you alone. Guess that's why you bother me a lot."

He shook his head. "Yeah, my one friend who was just here a moment ago left, and hes been drifting away a bit. Everyone else is a workmate or an acquaintance."

Dook pulled the sleeves to his shirt over his hands and placed them under head chin. He was so obsessed with the way he dressed he couldnt handle it. "No wonder you're up the new guys ass."

Beach couldnt help be giggle. He was glad he was funny.

Dook reached over and grabbed one of those tiny pencils used to fill in Keno cards, and a napkin, and wrote something down. "Guess I'll amuse you for now." He slid it over to him. It was his number.

"Oh my god." He did it. It was out of pity, so obviously out of pity, but he got his number.

And finally, the late night comedy club announced its next act, after a long while of radio silence. The emcee came on stage, everyone cheered, well except for Dook who just glared up at him---well not really glare, he just seemed to have a case of a resting tired face, which wasnt necessarily a bad thing, but it still looked funny---seemingly board of every comedy routines seen tonight.

"Sorry for the delay everyone, we just had a minor difficulty with some of our guest comics tonight. But thankfully, one of them came prepared. Please everyone, give it up for Rolfe DeWolfe, and his no-so-friendly sidekick, little Earl Schmerle.

Once again everyone cheered accept Dook, who's eyes widened, a little stunned by his presence. The comedian, clad in a plaid vest and black undershirt, with a wacky voice and a yellow puppet on his hand, smiled and thanked the audience for being there.

"I knew he was here." Dook murmured.

"What---"

"Beach."

"Yeah?"

He leaned down, and turned his shoes off. "Can we leave?"

"Why?"

His eyes were locked on the comedian in a strange, prey-like state. "Hes not that funny."

It was very obvious it was not because of that reason, but of course he couldnt point it out.

He stood up slowly, creeping quietly (or as quietly one could walk in heels) through the dim room, as Rolfe and the puppet began their routine. Yes, Dook was actually correct, the routine was…. Meh. It made you smile, not laugh. But of course that wasnt the point if the whole thing going on right now, was it? He copied his moves, standing up and moving quietly, this time actually quiet because of the fact he was wearing actual shoes.

Beach Bear copied him, slinking out of his seat and following him to the door. They slipped out, into the warm night. The way he just…. Stared at him. He was going to take note of that. If only he remembered the name of whomever was onstage.

"So um…. What are we doing now?" He asked him.

"Ummm…. I dont really know." He laughed nervously.

"What do you know about that person in there?" He asked. "Seemed a little more than 'hes not funny.'"

He sighed. "You dont wanna know." He said.

Beach had a few guesses.

Dook shrugged and looked around, still a little alert. "We can just…."

"Take a walk?" He guessed.

"I mean…. Why not?"

The more time to get to know him.

🦇🦇🦇

He dodged any personal questions, and the ones he did answer, he didnt go too deep into it. Simple, vague answers. No names of people, no small anecdotes, no detail. They did just meet anyways, of course he was valid for keeping most things for himself. Beach already knew things he was keeping from him anyways. He seemed a bit more anxious than usual, however, seeing that puppeteer onstage seemed to shake him a bit. Genuinely worried about how disoriented he seemed, he asked him if he were okay.

"Yeah, I'm fine. If-if I go into it, itll just…" he trailed off.

"Oh, okay. Just…. Making sure. You need to sit down or something?"

He shook his head. "I said I'm fine." He repeated.

"Like I said, just making sure." He sighed.

He hoped that not every moment between them would have some kind of stale silence between them. It was starting to get annoying at this point.

"Wait." Dook stopped, so he stopped, a little confused.

Dook crouched down and turned back on his shoes. "There. Better." He smiled, as if those shoes were the source of his pride and joy.

"Whered you even get those shoes?" He asked him.

"Goodwill."

"Huh. Are they battery powered or something?"

"Yeah. Batteries go in the heels." He said.

"You dress very cool."

"Um…. Okay, uh, thanks I guess." He laughed modestly. "You dress like you play beer pong."

He snorted, realizing it was entirely true. "But I'm serious. You're just… unapologetically bold in the way you dress. And I can tell you dress because you like it and not for attention, because you certainly dont seem like the type who likes all eyes on them." He explained.

"Well, yeah. Nobody can tell me what to wear, so…" he shrugged. "Many people think I'm a girl at first, but…. You know, whatever. I-I like it."

"Same thing about the mullet?"

He laughed again, covering his mouth shyly. "I mean…"

"It looks good on you though, not everyone can pull off a look like that."

Dook shrugged, grabbing the long part of his hair. "Yeah. I guess."

The streets were so serene when they were empty. Even though there was the abduction of three little girls who were found dead the next morning, and he might be standing next to the culprit, the night still felt so welcoming, and calm. Something about the street lights shining down on the sidewalk, the neon of the open signs in almost every window, the clearness of the night sky which he caught Dook glimpsing up at in awe once every few minutes.

"You like space?" He asked.

"Yeah. When I was little I wanted to be an astronaut." He said. "When um… playing with the band I always said I was gonna play with them until I could go to space." He said. "Didn't happen, though."

"Do you still wanna go there?"

"I mean, yeah, it would be cool."

The way the stars glistened in his eyes as he looked up at them in complete amazement.

"I feel the same way about the sea. I wanted to go underwater, like, in a submarine, for my whole life, just to explore. Don't you think it's weird how we know our moon better than our sea?"

He thought for a moment, looking a little hazed, maybe from the way the waning moon was shining down on them, distracting him from the real world. He seemed to be the type with an imagination.

"I can't believe every single one of those is a star up there. Every single one." Dook said. He began wiggling his fingers a bit in excitement.

He's never seen him impressed before. Maybe he should try and use space theme pick up lines to flirt, maybe then he'll notice him. But the only one he could think of was the classic your ass is out of this world joke, which he didn't think was a very cool one to throw his way. He might get punched in the face. He also was way too tired of thinking of something. These late night outings were really starting to get to him. It wasn't even that late out, compared to how late he usually stayed out.

"How close were you to achieving your submarine dream?" He asked him.

"I surf. That's about as close. I love it." He responded.

"Ah. The closest I got was space camp as a kid." He ran his fingers through the bangs and his mullet.

Beach put his hands in his pockets and kicked a rock into the road.

"Didya try going into biology or something to get into the ocean?" He asked.

"Oh no, my science grades were…. Not too good. I majored in english." He answered.

"How old are you?"

"23." He said. "What about you?"

Dook froze for a moment, thinking. Probably doing math in his head, which he probably wasn't very good at, from the way he snuck his fingers out to count. He didn't know why he was assuming so much from the little things, but he was.

"21." He finally said.

So he must've been 21 when he was turned into a vampire. And from the looks, it was in the 80s. Now he was wondering a lot. How did one even get turned into a vampire? He tried remembering back to Stoker's Dracula, Sookie Stackhouse, vampire chronicles, heck, even twilight. A bite? Excessive drinking of the blood? Canoodling with your partner, accidentally killing her, because vampires are apparently that strong (he hoped that wasn't the way, if anything that happened in twilight was true he'd probably run over to Stephanie Meyers house and drink HER blood)? All these questions he couldn't ask, because he didn't tell him. It was probably a very hard thing to tell in the first place. Mitzi was always incognito, and had a human end a close friendship with her once they found out about her secret, so he wasn't too surprised Dook was the same way. Mitzi was merely a teen, but Dook has been around for awhile---how many times was his heart broken by both partners and friends fearing him once they found out?

"So you're a drummer, right?" Beach asked. He couldn't be in his own head for too long.

"Yeah?" He said.

"Howd you get into drumming?"

"Band. You know…. School band."

"Huh, cool. I played Tenor sax."

"So you like Rush and have a strong disliking towards cornets." He assumed.

"Stereotypes, really?"

He shrugged. "What? You know it's true."

"Well then…. Since you're a percussionist I believe that you yell yeehaw any chance you get, have weak lungs, and have an affinity for Oingo Boingo."

He looked to his side with a knowing smile. "I mean I do like Oingo Boingo---"

"HA!"

"What? You just proved my point!"

They both started laughing, the feeling of their bond growing a bit stronger.

"What chair were you?" He asked.

"Always like…. Second. Third. I'm not the best. And…. Lemme guess, you were first chair a-and got all the solos?"

He shrugged. "We only had two in the top band, what can I say?"

He liked the constant laughter between them. It was a good sign, he believed. Laughter was an important step to any kind of relationship. If you couldn't see yourselves traveling the world as a comedic duo, what was the point? So his Hope's were set high, just as a love sick gay person should be.

🦇🦇🦇

When they walked back to the club (both of their cars were there, they couldn't just walk home), Dooks goodbye was surprisingly hasty. Maybe he didn't want to encounter that guy that was here earlier, in case he was still loitering about, because his eyes carried the same alertness they did at the moment he spotted him. But he had his number now, an all powerful thing that Mitzi would be very happy to hear. He went to his car, very proud of what he accomplished, happy he finally got through to him enough to get to know a little more. When he had his hand on the handle, however, he heard something… interesting. A struggle of a woman was what he could compare it most to. He heard a male voice, one that wasn't Dooks, saying something. Remembering Dooks quick exit off of centerstage, he was inclined to follow the sound. He followed it to the side of the building, where he could clearly hear a woman's muffled screams. He could also hear the words from the other, currently disembodied voice, urging on whomever had her pinned.

"You want to starve, Dook? You can't just not feed for three months then go purge on woodland creatures for the next week!" The voice scolded.

Against the wall, he peaked over the corner, and saw the sight of Dook with a terrified blonde against the wall, fangs out, the pure look of struggle, and willpower in his face as he bit his lip, as to resist his urge to plunge them into her neck. The other dude was the comedy man, mister Ralph whats-his-name (man no wonder he was performing in a small comedy parlor in a small town in florida), was trying to egg him on to make the kill. Dook opened his mouth, obviously starving, but unwilling to bring harm upon the poor, unsuspecting patron, and turned away, dropping her to the ground. She shot up and scrambled away, probably scared for life. He turned back around the corner, hoping he wasn't spotted.

"Come on, Dook!" Comedian guy huffed at him. "Why can't you just be like every other vampire planet? Why do I have to force I yoh human blood?!"

"I mean…. ED?" He responded, scared but able to respond in his usual way.

"You were turned into a vampire to get rid of that." He groaned, tired, but seemingly used to his sass.

"Well that didn't work, did it---" there was a thump against the wall.

He turned to peak again. This time it was Dook against the wall. He had a hold of him with his shirt. He pulled out something in his pocket, and from closer examination, he made out the classic---a wooden stake, fit to kill any vampire with a stab to the heart. He lightly placed it against his chest, Dook visibly shaking, and struggling with all his might.

"You'll reap what you sow, Dook. If you don't follow orders, if you don't keep yourself alive for the better of your kind, you'll pay." He threatened.

Dook brought up his leg and kicked his stomach, the comedian losing grip on him and falling back, the stake falling to the ground.

"My kind is human, got it? I'm not doing anything for a vampire, or a werewolf, or-or for anyone, really!"

"Was human, Dook. You're one of us now, and you have to accept it. You do the duties bestowed upon you, I wouldn't be on your tail all the time!" He got up.

"Fuck you." He replied. The comedian screamed and threw his fists at him, only smacking against the brick as Dook flew out of the way.

"I can't believe I was assigned to you, my god!" He seethed.

"Then LEAVE!" He shouted.

"I won't, because I'm not disobeying my orders! It's my job to keep people like you in check and I'm sticking by it until the end of time, like what i'm supposed to do. I'm going to keep following you until you feed on humans, turn humans, and be grateful you died in our hands."

They both stared at each other silently, eyes fixed on the other with intimidating adrenaline.

"If you don't, you're dead. And I'll make sure of it. I'll make sure you don't up and head out of town this time."

"You wish."

He grabbed him by the shirt again, and began pulling him to the front.

Terrified, he turned back around, eyes wide.

Mitzi was gonna have a ball, hearing this.

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