#i dont know why you would here but dont tag as ship they are. arguing

[larabar]

he was so real for this btw

[jazzyblusnowflake]

OMG hi…I really like your art and was wondering if you wanna be mutuals??????????? Also tell me about your MD ships :3c

honey we are dating- .....okay yknow what- HI PRETTY & TALENTED LADY- yess i will absolutely love toooo 🙈💕💕💕💕💕

also lets see uhhh okay this is an excuse for me to just... expload-

keep in mind not every ship is meant for all of you so dont badger me about stuff that ISNT CANON or YOU DONT SHIP. contrary to whatever you believe, when somone posts about THEIR ships, nobody wants to hear about you NOT shipping it on THAT EXACT post.

hang in there, this gon be a long one >:p

First off we are starting strong with Nuzi- Biscuitbites obviously thats a given- these two just have too much to be said about why and how they make eachother the best version of eachother, whether they ever became canon or not- they fit like puzzle pieces- they lessen eachothers negative traits by being their for eachother.

next is Vuzi- Violentviolet, they are my favorite kind of enemies to lovers 😔 but its also tragic smh. kinda pissed off at how V always does something good in Uzis favor only when she is LITERALLY PASSED OUT- either in the camp ep on the bus or in Alices lab. like damn ofFUCKINGcourse Uzi wouldnt know she cares about her 😭😭😭

envuzi- Violentbitingbiscuits, i love these goobers with all my heart- they deserve the best 😔💕💕💕💕

envy - [does this poor ship just NOT have an exclusive FINDABLE tag name??? im calling them GoldenMemories...], i like to think that if they were in the manor still, and nothing bad had ever happened, these two would be comforting eachother in the healthiest way possible. V needs someone like N and N is just adorable like that uwu

Next we have JxTessa/Jessa- [calling them Fancyblades cuz why not-] J deserves some closure for the shit shes gone through smhhh 😔, its a tragic yuri of J loving and wanting something she probably already accepted she couldnt have, and even then she gotta deal with Ns ass being the favorite one regardless of how hard she tries to be perfect... sighhh i wanna imagine them in a future where Tessa was spared as the only human and J could save her 😭😭😭😭 Tessa might have loved doing mechanical stuff or wore black to hide grease/oil stains on her clothes from her parents and wore gloves to hide her oily stained hands- i want her to have a scene of wiring drones back to life and saving them and saying something like "hey there, you made it! dont worry, ill take care of you, youre my friend now :3" or something //dies//, also before anyone says it- even if Tessa was a teen in the flashbacks- romance is not exclusive to ADULTS, teens can love eachother without having sexual stuff involved. no she was not their MOTHER figure, she was their FRIEND who liked to fix robots for herself to not be alone in a house where her own parents literally chain her up as punishment. i dont even know why im arguing about this, people headcanon or make aus about characters NOT being dead all the time and if Tessa was alive for as long as J thought she was, Tessa would have been a perfectly fine adult either way. so counting this, yes shes canonically considered an adult when Cyn tries to imitate an adult humans body 🙄 makes as much sense as everything else i guess-

next ones i got is NorixYeva/Neva- Solverlilies- i just think theyre neat 😭😭😭 and once again, like everything else in this franchise- they are tragic yuris 😔 damn liam im finding a pattern over here 🤨 anyway, i like to think they either got closer in the lab experimentations or were already close when they were working as WDs in the campsite area for the humans. obviously canonically they were probably straight or just not into eachother romantically- [Nori either u have the worst taste men or Khan just fucking lost it after you died-] but also on the other handddd.... they have 2 hands and they are robots, i want them to kiss like two barbie dolls and im gonna make them do just that-

DollxLizzy/Dizzy- Bloodypink, wost fucking ship names ever, i cant find shit on them with these tags and it makes me angry >:/ at this point 2/3s of my ships are just tragic yuris smh, Doll did not deserve any of the things handed to her, even if she went about doing some things the wrong way i wish Lizzy didnt just abandon her- but then again, Doll did kinda abuse Lizzys trust and Lizzy got scared of being close to a serial murderer so.... morality calls this a draw? 😭 im crying... i wish someone was there to help Doll... sigh... i like to think Lizzy would have waited for Doll to just come back at some point... oh well, thats why AUs exist :"3 //sobs in the corner//

DollxUzi/Dollzi- Bloodybats, this ship is so underrated to me... they could have been... so much more. but why weren't they? did Yeva abandon ever getting close to Uzi when she was a kid after Nori died? did Uzi and Doll just never play around together as kids when their mothers were so close? were they ever close and something went wrong as they grew older? at worst they could have been like sisters together, and at best maybe more than friends. i just dont know what happened here, like Yeva could have tried to keep an eye on Uzi, maybe Uzi could have found Dolls powers so cool before having them too- i dont know theres literally tons of possibilities- but if Doll deserved to be saved or cared for by anyone, at least one of them should have been Uzi... sigh.

ThadxV- Killingblonde, yall this is... the cutest shit... ever???? like from here on out we kinda go into the more or less crackship territory but these two are adorable- Dumbass yet wholesome jock boy that just wants to keep his queen happy 😔👌👌👌 He and Uzi would have so much to talk about on "crushing on literal murder bots that stabbed and almost ate us" its literally love at first stab smhhh 😫💕

ThadxSam- Smokyjock ???? for some fucking reason??? i dont know what my brain did here man- i just like the trope of someone getting under Thads skin- like pair up the healthy sports loving gym boy with the lazy but wholesome dumbass that does drugs or is always just sleep deprived and Thad is always trying to just... take care of his ass and make him take care of himself but he just WONT SMHHH-

okay some more or less crack ships down here:

ThadxN: it speaks for itself. its too adorable and youll go blind from the light of wholesomeness-

ThadxNxUzi: Uzi will die here from the overwhelming wholesomeness... oh bonus if its just a 4s polycule of ThadxNxUzixV i mean i know im pushing my luck but.... random crackships go brr- V and Uzi will complain but love their dumbass golden puppy partners-

ThadxUzi: i think they could have been close and Thad caring about her as a childhood friend turned crush sounds just too cute for me 😔

LizzyxUzi: another random ass rivals to lovers or some shit idk what this is, Lizzy would pay Uzi to kiss the fuck out of her i dont make the rules-

ThadxLizzy: in some cases where they are NOT headcanoned as siblings or cousins, i think they have a good energy of wholesome jock bf and girly queen cheerleader lol, Thad is just a good bf eitherway-

DollxUzixLizzy: the gals would not leave a single second of silence for the small gremlin i swear to God- [Uzi is gay as FUCK for her gfs, absolute girloser unit with her gorgeous but crazy gfs]

okay for the end i have some characters that arent ships but i wish they could have become closer as friends or work out their issues...

J and N- too much abuse and toxicity here, i wish they could talk together more and see they have a lot of things in common- maybe a full line of dialogue from J without threatning N in every sense of the manner would be nice for a change =_=

Doll and V- again, a bit morally ambiguous to ship a character with the murderer of your family, esp when said murderer hasnt expressed regret lmao, but i wish they could at least be friends... Dolls disdain for the murder drones pushed her to end up the way she did. maybe if she didnt do it alone she would have been alive by now. so i like to think what would have happened if she and V could have made up- not necessarily Doll forgiving her- but at least having the space to grow and understand why they did they things that happened.

Cyn and literally ANYONE- i want the solver to be SEPARATE from Cyn- i wish Cyn would have still existed somewhere down there and was savable- i wish this poor child AI had a happy ending to her by connecting with the others as ACTUAL siblings... goddamnit 😔

aaaand thats it for this fine ass day 🫡 yall are welcome to ask about any of these- boy the tags are gonna be.... a lot.

[popop-maru]

Hey so I once in a while post about Metalocalypse and I wanna say, at the possible expense of my ability to do that, @secret-tacos is my best friend of over 10 years. We've known each other for an eternity. I was a young teenager when I met him, we were both still discovering ourselves- We were different people, and we've been through a lot and learned who we are together. Nothing in this world will come between us, or sever the memories we've shared- And we've both met some shitty people who have tried.

For a while, we + some friends have discussed a lack of darker/more serious content in fandom, despite the show obviously being pretty dark itself (a recurring character is a registered sex offender, for one) and how people who DO make this content (while it may not be triggering in nature) that we've been friends with have been afraid to post things like guro for fear of being lumped in with the worst kinds of people, and that isn't an exaggeration.

I've seen people lump in "DNI if you do X/ship X" with terfs, zionists, etc. in the literal same sentence, and I think at that point you seriously need to step back and look at your life, and why you choose to engage with that content (even to rant about it) if it bothers you. But you also need to realize that these things are not real.

There is someone popular in this SAME FANDOM who has written dynamics involving adults and minors being romantic/sexual that makes me personally uncomfortable, and no you don't need to know why. You're not entitled to that information. But that isn't treated as a bad thing, people ignore it, and how its romanticized- Which is not a courtesy given to my friend, Damien.

So, my friend posts a list of prompts for fanart/fanfic involving various taboo themes. Some of them horror themes, some of them potential triggers, etc. He does this explicitly to give people, some of whom are friends, an excuse to create what they want while diverting the target onto his own back. If you do not like these things, then do not engage with them. It is that simple.

He did make the mistake of not trigger tagging the prompts, under the impression that just seeing the words (the offending ones being "noncon" and "incest") would not be a trigger for people, but others have talked to him about this and he's corrected it. That's over and done with.

What I don't understand is people who have gone out of their way to comment on the post and message him about how they DONT WANT TO INTERACT WITH THE POST. That doesn't make any sense to me. The only outcome I can see is that they want him to delete it, and possibly his blog, which isn't going to happen.

Nowhere did he say, either, that these things had to be sexual. Nowhere did he say that you couldn't write a dark, introspective fanfic about these things that ultimately speaks to something deeper. He also didn't say they COULDN'T be porn, he very much didn't say that.

I want to throw it out there, I'm not proship or comship or whatever else people want to call it nowadays, because I think its cringe and fail to spend all your free time arguing about what other people do online.

Just like I think it's stupid to go to someone else's blog and say how angry you are that you chose to go to their blog. Or to post in discord servers THAT HE'S IN about how much you hate his content. Or to follow him and reblog his art and then comment that you hate what he's doing.

You can put it on whatever morally pure pedestal you want, but that's just. Kind of mean and unnecessary.

The express challenge here is to give people a space to create dark content, and for people who DONT WANT TO SEE THAT to blacklist it and move on. Which was the outcome people wanted, but not the one we got.

I understand if you're a survivor and you're offended, and that isn't the intention at all. When people look at fiction, they do not think of you, and they do not want to hurt you. But I am still sorry if you've been hurt.

I understand the desire to rail against anyone who posts something you don't like. I do. You can't complain to the writers of the show directly about the content you dislike (and if you do, they won't listen) but if you want to complain about a specific blog? You can just go there and comment and hope that they get bullied off the website, that's something you can do right now and tell all your friends how you're morally right for it.

And you will. And you'll do it to me, too, and you'll tell everyone how good it felt to do it. Because you're such a good person, because it feels so good to be good, and everyone should know how good you are.

[thestobingirlie]

The issue with the extremely cringey Steve's Winnebago Nancy family fantasy is that it flies in the face of what NANCY HERSELF has said she wants for herself. In season 1 she gives a whole speech rejecting a nuclear family life. In season 3 she has a similar talk with her mother. In s4 she literally says TO STEVE "except the six kids, that sounds like a nightmare"

But once again steve doesn't listen. He doesn't HEAR what she is saying because he is too wrapped up in his own fantasy about them. And that's always where Steve and Nancy fell apart - season 1, season 2, season 4 she TELLS him what she wants, what she fears, what she suspects, how she wants to fix things or solve things and he just is like "no. We should be normal. We have to be normal." Saw a guy with no face in the woods outside my house? "That's crazy." Want to try to get justice for Barb because you know the lab is covering up her death. "Ignore it. Let's just go to this party and be normal." Raising six kids sounds like a nightmare? "It's always you with me in that fantasy."

He never once listens to what she wants for herself. And again, THIS SEASON, he doesn't listen to what she wants for herself. She is going to college in the fall. She is trying to be nice to him, supportive of him, but her face in the UD woods is sickened and horrified when he's confessing his fantasy. It is NOT what she wants for herself and she's about to say it when Robin interrupts

The only person who has ever listened to Nancy and heard what she's saying, believed her, has been Jonathan. He's the one who believes her about the man without a face, trusts her plan to help barb's parents, and even though they have to fight through their clashing work priorities in s3 (let's be real: Jonathan DID need that job, his family is poor as fuck and poverty is as oppressive and painful as sexism) he doesn't hesitate to acknowledge and agree that their sexist bosses are terrible, and specifically to her.

I need stans if any Nancy involved ship to understand the most important thing for her in a partner is someone who LISTENS TO HER when she says what she wants and/or needs. And Steve has shown himself to simply not be capable of it.

ok... um

i literally don’t know why you sent me this. i dont ship stancy, nor do i think they work as a couple. they want different things, they process their trauma differently. and i hate that the duffers are trying to bring it back. steve deserves someone that loves him, and nancy deserves someone she loves.

i hate that they are trying to make steve’s future revolve around nancy, i literally can’t express how much i hate it. it doesn’t make sense for their characters, and they’ve written steve to seem pathetic for still being into nancy after all this time.

i think that you should reread the post because at no point was i trying to argue that they work as a couple. they don’t! but steve dreaming of having a big family and wanting to be with nancy doesn’t mean he completely misunderstands her as a person. there is more to nancy than whether she would want kids or not. and i was not talking about any other aspect of their relationship. i was only talking about steve’s fantasy of a big family, and that he shouldn’t be, like, demonised for it.

steve has a fantasy of having a big family when he’s older because he’s an only child with absent parents that has spent the last few years looking after this whole herd of kids. he also likes nancy, and typically when someone likes another person they picture them having a future together. it doesn’t mean that future will happen. it doesn’t mean steve expects it to happen. steve just tells nancy he had this fantasy, and then later says he imagines her there as a way to tell her he still has feelings for her.

anyway, it’s weird that you just anonymously sent this. like. if you don’t agree with my opinion, and just hate steve, literally what are you doing here. just make your own post or something. i tagged it anti jancy just in case, so if you didn’t want to see it, you didn’t have to. or if you hate my opinions, just block me, and you won’t have to read them. why do you care so much about a strangers opinion in the internet lol

[golbrocklovely]

I know you like her but just give me this, if they WERE “flirty like that” wouldn’t we be seeing the same thing coming from Colby? Looks like hes not like that with her at all UNLESS hes face shit drunk. In which case hes like that with everyone. He acts nowhere near the same with her as he does with Amber you can not say he does, he’s goofy with Stas and i have never heard him make an innuendo around her sober but with Amber and even Shea he had no problem doing so.

Yes it is their problem to figure out my thing is that i notice no matter how many asks about it you get you are hard set on “no its not happening because I dont see it”, thats why you keep getting so many asks about the same thing, because you dismiss it. Notice how the Shea asks stopped once you and other blogs noticed what she was up to? And this isnt about having to agree with everything but if you are going to continue making comments like “i never saw it” “this never happened” then of course you’re going to get people who come back with “HOW did you not see it??? Its right there”. Not bashing you just saying thats why people keep pointing out more stuff on her and you keep denying and going around it its not like theyre pointing out so you in particular do something about it, they are venting and adding to what they see because you keep saying you dont see it. And yes posting the same thing after someone does it all the time is weird.

Its all her twitter and tagged on ig btw

full honesty, i kinda regret telling yall that i like her. bc while i tolerate her, i'm not a huge fan of her. the only reason it seems like i "like" her more on here than i actually do is bc if i don't defend her, then this would end up being a free for all to shit on her. at least sometimes. not saying that's what you're doing, just saying some of the asks i've gotten in the past aren't the nicest towards her lol

look, i can agree that her relationship with colby isn't the same as him with any other girl, apart from maybe shea. i don't pretend to not see what yall are pointing out. i can see that sometimes she does things that seem to be egging on the fans, or the shippers. i don't deny that. i think her and shea are similar in that way, somewhat. shea just went way over the line, imo.

but a lot of the stuff yall see, i honest to god don't. and i don't mean that as me pretending not to see it, i mean you guys will say "look at the comments she's made, look at the comments she's liked, look at what she's liked on twitter/insta". i've gone thru her twitter likes multiple times, and every time, i don't see anything outright related to her and colby. i saw one thing today, that was technically from a month or two ago. but if she's liked all this stuff, then she must unlike it by the time i go to look, bc legitimately i don't physically see it.

my main issue is that some of you guys make it seem as if there is some deep motive behind every. single. thing. she. posts. whether it's her posting a tweet, liking one, liking a comment, posting a tiktok, posting a insta pic, a story, a snapchat, whatever, yall immediately make it seem like there is something deeper going on when in reality she's probably just posting bc she wanted to, and that's it. it's probably as simple as that. there isn't some master plan behind every move she makes so that eventually everyone in the fandom will be shipping her and colby. at least i don't believe there is. and if you do, cool. that's great. we're just not in the same boat and that's fine.

the only reason i argue back with some of these asks is bc, again, the motive aspect. some of you guys have a picture in your heads of what she's doing and you're expecting me to be on the same page, when i'm not. which is why i disagree. has she done some questionable things? sure. i can agree to that. has she done some things that egg on shippers? again, i can agree to that.

but if it was a problem with colby, it's up to him to solve it. bc in the end all we're doing is speculating anyway. we don't know the whole picture. neither one of us are 100% right. that's all i'm getting at.

(none of this is directed at you specifically, just the general anons that come thru, so you know)

[outlier-roddy]

Hiiiiii I just finished MTMTE and LL for the first time ever and I just have to say- Tysm for posting really nice Megarod précis because man some people are WEIRD about it online and yet I DONT GET IT bc like. In canon (of these two stories in the comics) there’s so much to say about how like… they genuinely make each other better people and also how like. In the bad ending or whatever ya call it, Rodimus was like utterly broken without him (AND everyone else and the freedom sure but like. The narrative framing suggests losing Megatron hit him hardest. I could elaborate but I’m sure you know what I’m saying here). Anyway! Once again I wanna scream about it some more but I’ll just say: Cap off to you… ! [Also sorry for the spam in your tag 🫠]

Spam like/reblog never bothers me! I'm glad people can find my rambling entertaining/useful lol. And congratulations on finishing the series, how did you find it?

And in regards to megarod - Yeah I will always stand by my opinion that this relationship is so much more interesting than a lot of people give it credit for. It was the ship that kind of survived on vibes and spite for me for a little while, and then I decided to put some real effort into it and what I would get out of it if that makes sense? I also really really enjoy character/relationship analyzation, was already obsessed with rodimus so I might as well lol .

I understand why some people don't like it, but I respectfully argue that much of the things they dislike about the relationship May be mostly fandom shit. I won't die on a hill for it but I won't let anyone make me feel ashamed for liking it if that makes sense

[galaxygrv]

ahh hollow being close to front and influencing my (spyte) own emotions towards things is certainly,, Something. its not like its out of the ordinary for us to bleed over neutral or positive opinions + emotions + etc. but like.. this is more negative stuff (which is a little more uncommon, but not rare). its mainly bcuz they dont like any ship content between them and their sourcemates. this is not good bcuz a good 50% of the fan content we see is ships w either quirrel or grimm (and another 50% of those ships arent fucking tagged w the ship names so theyre almost unavoidable). they Do Not like either of them for almost the same reason. theyre repulsed by most people (irl + in source) and they esp dont like romance. quirrel is okay as a person (boring + annoying but not the worst to sit in silence around), and they just dont feel anything towards him and they feel disgusted when they see the fan content. feelings r the same w grimm, they dont like him (boring + annoying again !!! how wonderful) and think hes off putting in the worst way possible.

anyways im neutral towards the ships on a day theyre not bleeding over to me but the days they are,,, wow. okay. hatred and disgust vibes x500

(this is not to say the ships themselves r gross, its perfectly fine to ship them lol. these r just our hollows feelings abt it)

below the read more is in depth stuff abt their dislike of a lot of people cuz they want to talk abt it but its gnna make the post too long lol. also ⚠️ cw for calling people/relationships unreal in a serious way? idk what to call that so its not tagged but heres the warning ⚠️

our mom is okay in their opinion, shes interesting to them and likes us and doesnt get mad at us that often and almost never argues w us. our father though.. he argues with them all the time. anytime he speaks theres always a problem and hollow does Not have a filter so they end up getting pissed and arguing and then its a whole Thing for a few hours and our dad just starts screaming at a point etc. etc. they also generally dont think hes interesting and theres nothing to benefit from interaction w him. sooo 0/10 for dad, 7.5/10 for mom bcuz she does get after us for our arfid and thats beyond annoying.

also, our friends piss them off regularly. they often feel like snapping at them and getting mad but hold back most of the time cuz they know i would cry my eyes out if we even had a minor disagreement. the only times they dont stay quiet abt it is when i agree w them (typically out of confusion on my part).

they also seem to b the main source of our whole "we are the only real people. everyone else doesnt actually exist. no one has real emotions or lives, we're the only ones who actually exist." thing. so thats a bit telling of one reason why they dont like many people. this happens especially with our brother and most people we see once and never again. they also feel this when they see others in sexual, romantic/romance adjacent, or generally affectionate (?) relationships.

its.. very strange to see others be in love and then only have the thoughts and vibes of "thats not right! why are they doing that? thats disgusting, i cant believe thats something they would do in front of us! what the fuck! that looks/is so unnatural!" etc. etc. its like.. x20 strength when we witness someone we're close to doing it. we've been in relationships before, and the feeling only gets worse as time goes on while we were in the relationship.

it also happens to ANY physical touch. handshakes, fist bumps, hugs, kisses (platonic or not), hair touching, cuddling etc. is all disgusting to them (and whoever is close enough to feel it too)

its. also very difficult to get their approval. i think i understand what "they dont like many people, so dont be surprised if they dont like you" means now. they even have neutral feelings towards the other members of the system, and they only like me moderately enough to talk to me.

so uh. i think its safe to say hollow is our main holder/source of repulsion towards people and any sort of relationships. i was wondering where the feelings would come from because they seemed to come and go at random, but i think i got it now :P

[toherlover]

more fun here

pairing: din djarin x reader (no use of y/n)

Summary: after spending the last 3 weeks on a bounty, din decides to give you the day off, but personal space was the last thing you wanted after spending so much time alone. 

wordcount: 2.6k

warnings/tags: alcohol, drinking, language? maybe? i dont remember, lots of fluff, mutual pining, mostly from din’s pov 

A/N: hi so i have never actually posted a fic before oop. i have them i just ~dont share~ so this is something new to try for now! 

Mando jumped when the hatch fell open, shaken out of light sleep. His hand immediately fell to the blaster tucked into the holster but froze when he saw her trudging up the ramp. She was holding some sort of drink in one hand, her other arm held out to the side as if she was walking on a balance beam. The girl was muttering under her breath, obviously concentrating way too hard on not spilling whatever liquid was frothing in the glass. 

When she got to the hull of the Razor Crest she let out an exasperated sigh. 

“Hey Mando!” the girl yelled a little too loud, “I’m home!!”

The Mandalorian said nothing. She leaned against the frame and held the glass out to him, panting and starting to slide to the floor.

“I- I got one for-for you!”

He had given her the day to be off on her own, considering how safe the new system they’d landed in was known to be. Maker, she’d spent the last three weeks couped up in the crest by herself. Cabin fever had never really gotten to him, but when he came back this time, bounty flung over his shoulder, it was obvious that it had gotten to her. 

He’d felt bad telling her to stay on the ship and only run to the shop when necessary, especially when she butted back in argument. The girl probably didn’t realize it was for her own good, a protective measure. She had rolled her eyes in annoyance, but when Mando didn’t falter in his stance through the fight she reluctantly agreed. He hadn’t meant to leave her alone this long, he truly thought it’d be just over a week, and there was a pang of guilt in his chest for leaving her here like this. 

In his absence, the girl had thoroughly redecorated the ship. All sorts of… things, crafts, maker-knows-whats, were sitting atop crates, hung on the walls, clearly made using whatever she’d found rummaging through the spare parts bin and in the singular shop connected to the docking bay.

There was a string of little flickering lights hanging across the hull, pieced together from old console controls. It looked like she had sewed together some old fabrics to create some sort of rug, too. 

The girl herself was asleep on the floor, surrounded by papers covered in writing and doodles. It was a mess- whatever she’d been writing was scattered and out of order. The kid was tucked under her arm, completely limp and snoring quietly. They looked like they’d passed out on the spot, mid-activity, on the Crest’s floor. She was wearing an odd combination of clothing he’d never seen before, had she made them herself? The child had a crown woven out of old wires sitting on his head, a matching one had clearly slipped out of her hair.

Mando silently thanked the stars not only for the fact that she was asleep when he got back, but that he had a layer of beskar to hide the smile he couldn’t keep from inching across his face. When he’d hired her a few months back to watch the kid and help copilot as needed, the girl had seemed so harsh. Her knuckles were scarred and she sneered when she called him out on his shit. Which she seemed to love to do. 

In the cockpit, they’d sit in silence for hours, something the Mandalorian usually valued with others, but he wished she’d say something. Anything. Occasionally he’d feel her eyes trained on his helmet, or he’d glance back at her to see her clearly thinking deeply about something, but it was never a shared thought. It was quiet. 

He’d never admit to it, but he was terrified that she was scared of him. Maker, she’d seen him come back out of breath and dragging a body behind him. She was always standing by when he was at his worst, catching her flinch out of the corner of his eye didn’t make it any better. 

But there were moments. Moments he was sure she hadn’t noticed him watching. Moments when she was soft. There were little things. Like how she always gripped the armrest a little tighter and squeezed her eyes shut right before they landed, or how she places a gentle kiss on the kid’s head every night before tucking him in. He doubted she was aware, but she sticks her tongue out just a little bit and fiddles with her necklace when she’s concentrating. Sometimes she leaves little reminders around the ship for them both; they’re always signed with a smiley face at the end. 

There were a few times he’d caught her humming to herself and dancing around on her toes. She was graceful- he wasn’t expecting that. For a fighter pilot with such a callous attitude, she was so delicate. So he stayed back, knowing she’d stop the moment she knew he was there. 

Or how she left a third woven crown hanging from his seat in the cockpit. No, she didn’t wear a helmet, but it was pretty clear that she hid behind her own layer of beskar, too.

But they had never shared a moment like this: the girl slumped in the door frame, holding a drink out to him with a straw stuck in it. The child toddled over to her.

“Hey little dude!” she put the drink on the floor and held her arms out to him. “Look, sorry I’m back just a little smidgen of a bit late,” she said, words slurring, bopping him lightly on the nose. “I sorta kinda,” the girl’s voice didn’t get any quieter as she tried to whisper, “forgot where we were parked.” She shook her head and held a finger to her lips, “Don’t tell Mando.”

The Mandalorian let out a sigh loud enough to be heard through the vocoder and her head whipped around to face him. “I’m-” she started to get up, “I’m sorry I’m a little bit,” she held on to the wall as she stumbled forward, “a little bit late.” With a huff she gave up and sat back down on the floor, but continued to scootch herself closer to him, only stopping a foot or so before his feet. 

Still, he was silent, and the color seemed to drain from her face. Under the cold stare of his visor, she tucked her head back like a child expecting to be scolded. After a few moments, she glanced nervously around the room, looking anywhere besides where she knew his eyes would be. She couldn’t tell the man in front of her was doing everything in his power to stifle a laugh as she struggled to sit up straight. 

“Hey, so you’re actually a reeaallly quiet person,” she said softly, fidgeting a bit, “and I don’t know if you know or realize it or not, or if it’s on purpose, b- but when you go all quiet like this I really don’t know- I mean I’m terrible at reading the room anyways- but I can’t tell if you’re mad and I just-”

He cut her off. “I’m not mad.” Her face lit up slightly. Honestly, he wished he was angry. He should have been angry. His ship was a mess. But when she sat in front of him like this, he found it hard to be even the slightest bit irritated. He’d asked her to be back before nightfall, and for once she didn’t ask why or argue back. 

“Oh.” She smiled softly then leaned all the way back so that her head skimmed the floor. She reached behind her, grabbing the blue drink and sliding it forward as she sat back up. “It was fun. Probably not your scene, I don’t really know, but the music was good, you would have liked that. You should have come.”

With a sigh, the Mandalorian rose to his feet and held a hand out to her, offering to help her up. She smiled again and let him pull her to her feet, immediately placing a hand on his shoulder to steady herself. His hand landed on her waist to keep her upright. “I don’t really do parties.”

She looked up at him. Somehow, even in her intoxicated state, she always managed to look him directly in the eye. “Yeah, I know. Sorta figured. To be really honest with you though, neither do I, I just wanted to do something a little bit different, yah know?” 

“I know.”

They stood there in silence for a minute, then she rested her head against his chest. He froze. She’d never shown an ounce of affection, let alone stand together like this. He knew she was drunk. He guessed the girl wouldn’t remember this in the morning. But still, he held her tightly and savored the moment. It couldn’t have been comfortable, but she leaned against him anyway. 

“But the credits I’d give to see you dance in this tin-man suit,” she knocked on his chest and giggled. 

“I don’t really dance.”

“Liar. You can so dance. No way you’re that quiet and sneaky and can’t.” Her nose scrunched up as she scoffed at him, poking at his chest plate. “Me, however, whew, you really don’t know what you missed, shiny. You’re holding the worst dancer on this side of the galaxy.”

His head cocked to the side and he paused, watching her poke fun at herself, thinking of all the times he’d caught her tiptoeing around with the child. All the times she would sing quietly and swing her hips while out and about. The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them, “No I’ve seen you dance, you dance all the time.”

Her lips parted as a confused look fell across her face. He couldn’t fully read her expression, but it was clear a million thoughts were flooding her brain. He was instantly worried that he’d offended her. Not only had he invaded her privacy- he admitted it to her face. He worried she’d step away and the moment would end, that she’d go to bed and leave in the morning, taking her pay and her bag. But with one eyebrow raised and a soft smile playing across her face, she wrapped both arms around his neck. 

“So I guess you owe me one then, huh? I brought you back a drink and everything.”

-----

You picked up on his almost inaudible laugh even through the modulator. Sure, you’d had a few drinks. You had been a little past the point of tipsy as you neared the Crest, but you were coming to your senses now. Were you over-exaggerating your state of mind? Most indefinitely. You couldn’t help it, though. The last 3 weeks had been an absolute shit-show. 

You were fine until the end of the first week, then you started to get worried. The thought of him kept you up at night, so you told yourself that there was no way you could have possibly missed him. You only cared because this was your wellbeing now. I mean, before you got this position you spent every minute alone, too. This wasn’t any different. 

Except that it was. And you hated that it was. This was just supposed to be another job. Somehow this man in a metal suit had weaseled his way into a soft spot in your heart.

He’d been so patient. Sure, you knew how to fly a ship, and you’re not clueless when it comes to mechanics, but this ship was unlike anything you’d seen before. So he taught you. 

When he came back bloodied and bruised, he’d explain exactly what he needed you to do. In one instance he had gently guided your hand, slowly realizing he didn’t have to patch himself up anymore. Maybe he liked having you there. It was impossible to tell; maker, the few times you’d tried small talk it seemed to push him away even further. 

But you didn’t want him further away. 

You wanted him right here.

Figured that one out week two. 

Week three the kid decided you didn’t need sleep. He cried and whined until you hung up that makeshift strand of lights. Then he sat and stared up at them like they were the most beautiful thing in the galaxy. So you made more things to pass the time. And more. And more. 

You don’t even remember finally falling asleep, so waking up in the cot was a surprise. You slipped out of bed to figure out what was going on but stopped dead in your tracks when you heard him laugh.

The hatch to the cockpit was open, and from the low angle, you could just barely see the child sitting on the Mandalorian’s lap. 

“It looks cute on you, kid.” The baby giggled and reached out for his arms. The wire crown was sitting on his head again. “How does mine look?” 

The crown you barely remembered making for him during the third-week fever dream was clearly resting on his head, atop the helmet and all. The baby cooed.

When you landed he practically announced that the day was yours and you were free to go off and enjoy yourself. You thought about asking him to tag along but worried it’d be overstepping. Maker, the man had to have been just as, or even more, exhausted as you. Your pity didn’t run too deep, though. You knew it was selfish, but you hoped that maybe he’d want to be with you.

You tried your hardest to not seem disappointed when you turned to see him still in the hull as you strode down the gangway. You walked to clear your mind before popping into a cantina, which ended up being the center of life, and finding peace with the bottle. 

The buzz had almost completely worn off by now, and you were back. And he was back. And he was holding you like he couldn’t risk letting you go. 

-----

He looked down at her and let out a sigh. “Next time, sweet girl. We need to get you to bed before you’re out on the floor.”

Her face flushed pink at the sound of his words. Stars, at least he hoped that was why. He could practically see the wheels turning behind her eyes asking, ‘sweet girl? When did you get so soft on me?’ 

She pushed up on her toes, flattening her body completely against his. Her arms were still around his neck, and he carefully brought his hands together behind her waist. Had he not been wearing the kriffing helmet he would have been able to feel her breath against his neck as she nestled herself impossibly closer. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” she whispered.

He gave a curt nod, his body stiff and tense under her.

“I wanted to leave the second after it started,” Her voice dropped even lower and her eyes fluttered shut, “... figured it’d be more fun here with you.” 

His heart stilled as he realized her invisible beskar helmet had been lifted. He hoped it fell from her shoulders and rolled down the ramp, was lost in the night, maybe even stolen by scavengers, never to be seen between the two of them again. 

She could feel his grip on her back tighten as his head relaxed onto her shoulder.    

“Tomorrow night we’ll stay in,” his voice was just loud enough to pass through the modulator.  

A smile crept across her face, “I’ll hold you to it, Mando.”

“I’m a man of my word.”

“I know.”

[obsessivelycapricious]

18+ Jason Todd x fem!reader fic ramble.

Hey, so this is a idea i've had in my head for a while, but it won't leave me alone. I've kinda written the first part of it already? But idk if I'll finish it. I haven't worked out the ending yet either but a couple of lovely people were interested in hearing it so here goes! Thanks for the support! I'll tag you all separately.

Warnings: excessive torture, manipulation, gaslighting, rape, violence. kidnapping, interrogation, Stockholm syndrome, abuse. I dont specifically mention how old the characters are, but B-Man likes to pick them young so use your imagination to age them up a bit if you like. It's dark folks, and a super slow burn, though it might not be so bad written in brief here, but if those bother you it might not be a good idea to read it. (its hidden under the cut - PS it got super long - 2.5k words.)

You are Robin. Or, you were at least.

Batman picked you up out of crime alley, gave you a home and a purpose and trained you up to be one of the best deterrents to the crime in Gotham. You lived in the manor, and thought of Bruce and Alfred (even Dick) as your family. It's awesome and you love it!

Almost two years after donning the cape, something goes wrong. You get split up from Batman and taken by Jokers men. That night is the last night you see the sky for years.

Over the next three years, you are systematically abused, manipulated, gaslighted and tortured until you are a shell of your former self. Conditioned to obey his every whim, you micro dose of the small crumbs of affection Joker has to offer you. He gives you test after test, pushing you to your limit always in new and horrific ways. You don't hesitate when he asks you to shoot someone in the head or to beat someone to death. The consequences of fighting against him aren't worth it, you have learned that the hard way. He even doesn't always lock the door behind him and yet you don't try to escape.

You hate batman with a passion now, you regret ever having met the man, he has ruined your life and it's his fault that you are where you are now. He abandoned you. Used you for his games and then replaced you like you were nothing to him. It broke your heart when Joker showed you the footage of another Robin running along the rooftops. Your replacement. Heartbreak boiled over to fury and rage.

He passes you around his acquaintances, particularly Johnathan Crane who is eager to test his new strain of fear gas out. Under the gas you see the Bat sacrificing you again and again to get what he wants. If Scarecrow takes advantage of you while he has you in a vulnerable state, no one cares enough to stop him. He wants to know who the Bat is, but you know that telling him will put Alfred in danger and you'll do anything to avoid that

(Thankfully the joker doesn't want to know who the bat is, you're not sure you could defy him like that anymore.)

Then one day, a body gets thrown into the small cell you are kept in when joker doesn't want to play. Its a Robin. You panic, fear and anger confusing you while joker laughs in your face. You know it's another test but you can't figure out what the rules are.

This is where the fic starts. It's about Jason Todd's slow descent from a vibrant punk who loves being Robin to the dejected, abused shell of a boy who hates the caped crusader and will do anything Joker tells him. You know it'll happen, because that's what happened to you.

Only, Joker never does the same thing twice. Even if it works. You don't want to get attached to the boy, but birds of a feather and all that jazz.

Highlights (or lowlights) include:

Having to share a small confined cell with Jason.

Arguing about the Joker and escaping

"Don't you want to leave? Crazy bitch."

Finding out that Batman didn't even tell Jason about you:

“Why would he come for you anyway, huh? What makes you so special?” “I’m Robin. We’re partners. We’ve been through all kinds of shit together. We’re like this.” “Pah. You really believe it too, don’t you? Ya poor sap.” “What do you mean?” “Why go to the bother of finding a dumb punk like you when he can just make a new shiny Robin instead?” “He wouldn’t do that.” “He’s already done it. You ain’t the first.” “That Robin moved away, he’s doing his own thing now.” “I wasn’t talking about him. I meant the other one.” “What other one?” “The other one.” “There aren’t any other ones – I’m the only other Robin that there’s ever been.” “You motherfucker!”

Beating the shit out of Jason in a blind rage because he won't stop talking about how Batman will come for him.

“How long have you known Batsy for huh? If you know him so well.” “Nearly three years. How long have you known him huh? Oh that’s right – you don’t” “What? Three – Three years?” “That’s what I said. Look, I know this is scary, but I trust B-Man. He’ll come for me, we’ll kick all these guy’s asses, take Joker back to Arkham and get you out of here too. It’ll be okay, you’ll see.” “B-Man?” “Yeah, Batman.” “Shut up.” “What? Why?” “I don’t want to talk about him anymore so shut up!”

Jason finally figuring out who you are when Joker comes to punish you for denting his new toy.

Joker calling you pet names while manipulates you and you being terrified the Joker is going to replace you too

“Oh. Pumpkin, it’s alright. I thought we agreed we were over this, no? Batsy kicked you to the curb a long time ago. It’s old news! This shiny new toy of ours is your replacement.”. “What? You’re replacing me too?” “No, no no. I’d never dream of doing something so barbaric, Sweetheart. That’s the Bats’ M.O. You’re mine for keeps. I would never be that cruel, would I?”

Jason taking his anger out on you:

“Why do you hate B and not the Joker? He’s the one that’s doing this to you. He shipped you off to Crane and you didn’t even fight back.” “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” “No, I know exactly what I’m talking about. You’re screwed in the head. You’re a joke, you’ve given up. Some Robin you are. A real Robin fights back. You don’t deserve the title.”

Joker making you put your Robin suit back on to fight Jason for his amusement. Jason hesitates in the beginning but kicks your ass every time.

Jason trying to comfort you but being bad at it.

Joker asking your opinion on you what you think will break the boy:

"When he gets replaced. Show him."

Weeks of being beaten then long stretches of being left alone with Jason with no instructions.

Catching Jason staring at you when he thinks you're not paying attention.

Joker being caught and taken to Arkham so you both get knocked out and transported there too.

Joker ignores you the entire time he's there as he's being watched to closely, the separation sets you off into a panic when you think about it too much.

Most of Arkham is in on you being kept there. The prisoners who know about it are paid off by being able to play with you - and now Jason too.

Jason thinking in Arkham he would have more chance of being able to escape.

You being subjected to more of Crane's abuse and different types of gas.

Jason being brought back to your cell after being tortured by calendar man and offering him comfort for the first time.

Being cut open and tortured by Zsaz.

Huddling up in the abandoned wing of Arkham for warmth and comfort.

Remembering that you had met before, years ago in the Narrows before Batman took you to be his adopted daughter.

Jason taking care of you while you recover.

Giving Jason advice on how to cope and get through the different villains taking revenge on you.

Jason being hurt and tired and snapping at you, causing an argument where you lash out at him:

"I had to go through this all on my own, dickweed. I didn't have anyone to hold my hand and tell me I wasn't going to die. So fuck you! God forbid I try and help your sorry ass."

Jason being tortured by two-face and seeing Batman and a new Robin visiting Arkham. They don't hear him scream for them to help. It breaks his heart and his will to fight.

You knew it would happen, but seeing it first hand makes your heart break for him. You didn't want to be right. You hate Batman more for what he's done to Jason than what he's done to you.

"I was right there (y/n)! Right there and he didn't even look at me."

Talking about Alfred and how much he means to you both.

Thinking you might actually have feelings for Jason after all.

Being transported back to the compound when Joker finally breaks out of Arkham again only to be in separate cells.

Having major separation anxiety from not being able to tell if Jason is okay.

Joker being jealous of your attachment to Jason and doubling down on his control over you.

He tries to take you outside and you panic so badly you beg him to take you back because you're terrified of what being free will mean.

Joker telling you that you failed his test by getting attached to the boy. He tells you that he's going to kill Jason to teach you a lesson.

Being put back in a cell with Jason to find his face has been branded and he's just so utterly void of any hope or any life.

Sitting next to Jason in the cell with your head on his shoulder.

Jason knowing he's going to die without you having to tell him. His voice is quiet and resigned, almost with a shred of relief when he says:

"He's going to kill me soon, isn't he?" "I'm going to miss you, Jason Todd." "I'm glad I got to know you, (Y/N). I'm sorry I couldn't get us out." "It's okay."

You kissing his cheek as you drift off huddled together for the last time.

Joker forcing you to watch as he beats Jason repeatedly with a crowbar, ignoring your defiant cries and struggles for him to stop.

"Which hurts more Little Red? Hmm? Forehand? Or Backhand? I think (Y/N) would like to know!"

Joker blaming you for having to kill Jason:

"And all because of your silly school girl crush. What a waste. I'm very disappointed in you, Dolly."

Being dragged away screaming from his lifeless body and thrown into the back of a van just in time before the building explodes.

That's the first half. For the second half to the ending, I haven't quite figured out yet. I've got a few ideas, but I can't decide what would fit better, feel free to help me out here.

Batman could find her after all this time, new evidence being uncovered during the explosion and in his grief about finding Jason's body he could question that he never actually found yours. Of course then you'd be homicidal and try to kill him, resulting in you being locked in another cell, this time in the Batcave. You'd get to scream at him about all his failings and what a terrible person he is though so that could be cathartic. Alfred (And Dick a little) manages to talk you back to some kind of sanity but you are forever changed by this. You meet Red Hood at a later date: on your way to find an egg and cheese sandwich when someone pulls a gun on you. Seeing you again jars him out of his own homicidal rage long enough to care about the girl who he couldn't save, giving the BatFam an opening to reason with him some.

-Or-

Joker keeps you hidden away and the Bat still has no idea you even exist. It stays that way for two more years where you eventually become completely numb to everything he or his acquaintances do to you. Joker eventually gets bored at the lack of reaction and in his boredom he gets careless. A new vigilante takes it upon himself to blow up to compound and best all Joker's men, he escapes but the vigilante doesn't chase after him and instead he finds you. You resist his attempts to save you, knowing how angry Joker will be so instead, Red Hood punches you in the face, knocking you out. He carries out into the night and you wake up somewhere new and he tries to help unravel the fuck ton of issues you've got while dealing with his own. He'll probably enlist the BatFam to help once he's done wanting to kill them, unless you can talk him into killing the Bat together, after the Joker dies of course.

-Or-

One day, maybe a year after Jason dies, Joker decides he's bored of you and gives you one last curveball. After more than 6 years of being isolated and abused, you wake up in an alley on the streets of Gotham, alone. Abandoned again. After several panic attacks and not knowing if it was a test and that you should run back to the Joker or going to find Alfred because he's the only person in the world left that you trust, you decide to leave Gotham altogether. You make it out and somehow navigate your way to having an apartment, a job and even a quiet life in Bludhaven, away from the Bat and the Clown and the nightmares. Except that one day, while you're drinking your morning coffee in a café, Dick Grayson sits down opposite you. You're stable enough not to react immediately, and Dick seems to really care that you're alive and well. Turns out that the Bat found out about you and decided to leave you alone this whole time (which only serves to double down on your feelings of abandonment) Only the joker is out of control and they think that you could help them by giving them an insight into how the joker works. They've got a new Vigilante to deal with too so they're stretched pretty thin. You flat out refuse which is when it turns out it really wasn't a request. You are taken back to Gotham and confronted with the BatFam, helping them reluctantly when Red Hood breaks into your new apartment, demanding information. You argue, and it feels too familiar, setting off a panic attack when he ribs you about your complicated relationship with the Joker. Identities are revealed and you work together to take down the Joker.

The epilogue to this saga would be some time after any of those options.

Both you and Jason finally in a healthier place where you can actually acknowledge what has been growing between you two since you were paired together all those years ago. It's not a neat and tidy happily ever after, it's messy and full of arguments, fears and misunderstandings but it's also full of tenderness, softness and love. And the sex is really good too.

-

If you got this far, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think? Come chat to me anytime!

[cyronite]

Alright y’all we need to have a talk because the biphobia in the Loki tag is insane. 

(( ALSO before I start I need to make it clear that I am not defending Loki x Sylvie its literally selfcest and I am not supporting that. So all you loki/sylvie  supporters can go away. I’m not here to support you and your problematic ship. I’m just here calling out the biphobia in the fandom. Like y’all are literally just like those people who ship the clones together from star wars ( who I’ve dealt with them often cause of my star wars blog) and who see no issues with that kind of stuff and will blindly defend it just because its fictional. I really don’t feel like arguing over the problems with that mindset and both of y’all will be blocked on sight. I’m not putting up with it. ))

Ok so with that out of the way. If you’re sitting there hating Loki x Sylvie because its a “m/f pairing” than you need to check yourself for biphobia. By saying things like (and these are only some of the biphobic stuff I’ve seen not all of it):

“Its not a queer relationship.” 

“It’s the last day of pride month but marvel still gave him a woman as a love interest!!” 

“Marvel is back tracking on his sexuality.”

“What was even the point him coming out as bi?” 

Then what you’re actually saying is that you only think bi people are valid when they fit into what you consider to be a typical queer relationship. All of that is biphobic and only adds into bi erasure.

It also pushes the idea that we bi folk have to be a certain way to be considered queer or to be apart of the community. Bi folk are still bi regardless of who they are with. And Bi rep being in m/f relationships is still bi rep. Literally the whole thing about bisexuality is the fact that its attraction to more then two genders!

 So Bi characters being in “m/f” or straight perceived relationships do not erase their bisexuality. BUT You insisting that its bad and pushing harmful biphobic shit because of it does. Like stop having melt downs because a bi character ends up in a relationship that you don’t think is good enough. Biphobia is not a good look on y’all or your ships. 

Also stop calling it a straight relationship! If someone in the relationship is bi then its not a straight relationship. It only looks straight to you because of heteronormativity. If a bi person (or multiple bi folk) is involved then it is still a queer relationship. Literally stop pushing this idea that bi folk going into these relationships are suddenly straight or have chosen a side. THEY’RE STILL BI. They haven't betrayed or lied about anything. Bi people shouldn’t have to prove their queerness to be considered as such. Bi people aren’t part straight or part gay. They are bisexual. And they’re relationships dont change that.

And listen, I get that some of y’all are upset about the mobius and loki ship. I’d rather see Loki with Mobius over the other options too tbh. I love that ship and I think its cute. And I do see how important and amazing it would be to see a canon m/m pairing in the mcu one day. But if all or even just some of reasons for you pushing it is rooted in this biphobia then you really need to take a deeper look into yourself and address why the fuck you cant seem to accept bi folk.

Also we need to discuss how a lot of y’all are erasing his genderfluidity as well. A lot of y’all clearly just see Loki as male and nothing else and are forcing a gender binary on him. Even though we all know Loki is genderfluid and doesn't attach himself to that binary regardless of how he may chose to present himself (or for what pronouns he may use) for the most part. 

On a final note dont come to me with the “but im in the lgbtq+ I couldnt possibly be biphobic!” excuse because biphobia is very normalized in the community. You being in community (and heck you even be bi yourself) doesn’t shield you from pushing harmful biphobic things/stereotypes. Anyone can be biphobic, and all of you need to look into what you’re saying with some of this shit. ‘Cause some of it really is just blatant biphobia and y’all are acting like its all fine and dandy because of your ship or because you’re trying to talk about problematic stuff in the ep.  

Just like, please be more critical of the stuff you say and try to figure out if what you’re saying is rooted in biphobia or not. Are you just supporting your ship? Are you actually calling out the problematic stuff with the loki x Sylvie ship? Or are you just using that stuff as a cover for being biphobic to invalidate bi folk. You can talk about that stuff without being biphobic, because there are legit reasons to talk about them. But a good chunk of y’all are just using it as a thin veil to spew out your biphobic takes. 

And at the end of it all LOKI IS STILL BI AND GENDERFLUID NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP HE IS IN. Stop acting like the type of relationship he choses erases that part of him. 

[parttime-creative]

Fanfiction tag game

Thanks for tagging me @dhwty-writes Even tho, this will probably be pretty disappointing ...

How many works do you have on Ao3?

0. Zero. Nada. Nothing. I enjoy reading on Ao3 A LOT. But i've never come around to actually publishing something there. I haven't published much of my writing in general.... The only ever fanfictions I've published are in german on the website fanfiction.de

So I'll be answering the following questions for that side instead.

What’s your total Ao3 word count?

66.588 of published stuff

... but there is probably another 500k of unpublished stuff somewhere in the dephs of my computer, notebooks and google docs :D (200k of them are partially @dhwty-writes ' fault)

what are your top 5 fics by kudos stars?

Well... thats hard because I have published barrely more then 5 fics xD. But they would be:

You don't need eyes to see (Again: GERMAN!) its a SwanQueen (Once upon a time) Fanfiction where Regina Mills goes blind after an accident with old magic and Emma Swan helps her navigate her new life. I write that thing since 2015. It was my second fanfiction, and I am not sure if I'll ever finisht it xD

The Handmaiden .... another SwanQueen one. Smut... its just a huge excuse for flirtatious smut

Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf ... more flirtatious SwanQueen Smut. I like that okay?

Lost and Abandoned ... SwanQueen Angst. Just Angst ... But I added a second chapter later ,that one could argue makes it Hurt/Comfort.

The Cerberus Agent ... I actually think its funny that that one is on this list. This is the first ever fanfiction I wrote, so it probably wasnt to shabby after all xD Its about Mass Effect (Miranda Lawson/FemShep) Tho I never finished it...

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Oh Yes! To every single one! I am way to happy about any little form of feedback, to not respond! I love comments! And people who leave comments!

what’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Oooof.... I don't think, I can answer that. None of my fics really have endings. I mostly write One Shots, where the ending is basically the beginning of a bigger story. And my bigger fanfictions never got finished.... so I'd say the smutty ones have the happiest endings? I mean GET THE GIRL, GIRL!

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Ohhh, Definitly "Lost and Abandoned!" The whole premise of that Two Shot was angst!

do you write crossovers? Yes, sometimes. But none of them are published and several of them are Hogwarts AUs.

have you ever received hate on a fic? Not from all the lovely internet peeps that read my stuff, but IRL I've gotten weird looks. No explicit hate tho, and I am thankful for that. Let's hope it stays that way <3

do you write smut? if so, what kind? ....... yes....... I love flirtatious banter and power dynamics. So The literal dagger to the throught kind mostly (tho the dagger is often of verbal form tho) ... hmm besides that, it's mostly romantic, fluff and pretty vanilla smut.

have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes. I mostly write together with another author. I only write One Shots alone. 95% of them aren't published tho xD

The biggest and arguably my favourite one tho is with @dhwty-writes . its a 200k unfinished monstrum. .... UNFINISHED! You hear that @dhwty-writes ??? UNFINISHED!!!

what’s your all-time favourite ship?

oooooooffff... I probably should say SwanQueen, as I've read and written the most about it... but my own Characters and DnD ships are growing on me far more by now.... for the purpose of this game tho, let's stick to SwanQueen

what’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Definitly You don't need eyes to see. I hate leaving it in that constant unfinished state with publishing aroung 2 chapters a year... but I had no real plan for the story aside from some some scenes I've already written... and at this point, it's just a huge bundle of lose strings I can't even grasp properly. Also my writing style has changed so much over the course of this story, that I can't even bring myself to reread the early chapters.... I hate myself for letting it come to that....

what are your writing strengths?

Thats a mean question to ask... I don't think I have a particular strength. I like writing in metaphors and I've been told I am very good in describing scenes and the emotional states and thoughts of characters... So I guess, describing is a strength of me?

what are your writing weaknesses?

TIMESKIPS! DIALOG (besides flirtations) HAVING A F*CKING PLAN FOR A STORY! I almost exclusively write one shots alone, because I just can't think of a cohesive longer plot. I am in awe of every author who knows in the beginning how many chapters the story is probably gonna have and what roughly happens in every chapter. I SUCK AT THAT. I just start writing and stop when I think it's a nice cliffhanger. And the next chapter is picking up at that cliffhanger and ..... looking where the story carries me... that's the main reason why "You don't need eyes to see" is taking so long

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Hmm... I've never written in another language than german. So I don't really have a thought on that. But I have some characters who speak fantasy made up languages, and it's really fun to write sentences and expressions that the other characters or the co author dont know. Especially if you teach them in character this made up language. So.... Its a pain in the ass to read, if you don't know the language but a lot of fun worldbuilding and dialog/character development wise in my opinion.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

The game triology "Mass Effect" by BioWare. To this day, it's my favourite game. But I've only ever written and published one fic for that fandom, and it's not even finished.

what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Hands down The Handmaiden . I am thinking a lot about translating it into english, because I like it so much... but the Fandom for it is pretty dead I think....

That was fun I think... Thanks for tagging me! I tag everyone who feels like it, Since the only mutuals I have here, eihter tagged me or did the game already xD

[la5t-res0rt]

Wanted to ask about beetlelyds, sorry, I thought it was technically cannon? Like in the old comics after the show ended she grew up and married him. Sorry I’m an old school fan and have no idea why this whole thing is such a big deal. Wasn’t the actor like 20 too? I’m sorry if I sound very dumb. I’m not used to this new tumblr.

youre fine you are one hundred percent allowed to especially when you do it civilly as you have done here

first of all the biggest issue faced in the whole what is and is not canon debate is the fact that there are three (four if you count the limited comics run) publicized iterations of my media

i will go over each very briefly just kidding this is going to a long answer so i will spare the dashboard with a readmore

there is the movie which im sure you dont need me to explain the plot since youre an old school fan but basically the climax is that yes beetlejuice does go for the marriage angle in exchange for stopping the exorcism of adam and barbara and his motive for this is so that he can cause as much chaos as he wants on the mortal coil but his plan is thwarted when barbara rides a sandworm into the house which promptly eats beetlejuice sending him to bureaucratic death limbo

the end of the movie features the deetz and the maitlands happily living together with lydia havign a new appreciation for her situation and beetlejuice gets his head made real small which is very funny haha 

so no in the movie they are not canon editors note the actress who played lydia winona ryder was a teenager while filming the movie she turned 17 the year it released 

the next is the cartoon which i will admit has the most grounds for being considered canon but in the end the show is about a middle schooler and her best friend who is a ghost which in itself is a pretty iffy gray area sort of thing but for a childrens cartoon to work a friendship is better than the obvious enemy status they held in the movie

anyway in the cartoon they are potrayed to be very close friends with lydia being the person beetlejuice cares about the most and honestly if you were to watch it with no prior knowledge of the media and if you ignored their massive and obvious age difference than yeah you probably would read it as a romantic relationship 

however lydia is a middle schooler and that is simply immoral

there have been writers for the cartoon who have been credited to say that a relationship is what they were trying to invoke but for obvious reasons they couldnt exactly move forward with that angle with them establishing that lydia is a child in middle school and a fully grown adult man dating a child who is in middle school is immoral and also illegal in the united states and in canada 

this isnt a good argument for whether or not something is canon and i will tell you why with one simple name and that is luke weber

if you dont know who luke weber is he was a storyboard artist on the cartoon steven universe he is known for making a lot of self ship artwork of him and the character pearl

he worked on the show isnt his material canon no of course it isnt it wasnt put in the actual publication and also if memory serves he was eventually asked to leave the project after he drew art of the shows creator giving him permission to date pearl and calling them her otp and a lot of fans hated this because the most generally accepted interpretation of pearls character is that she is sapphic so a lot of people took issue however that again is just a widely perceived headcanon it is never stated what her actual sexuality is no one in that show is because it isnt a show about that its about wait im getting off topic sorry

what im saying is what can truly be considered canon is what you see on the screen and with the cartoon they are definitely the most friendly with each other and that is why so many people in the beetlebabe shipping community take so much stock in the cartoon because it is the easiest to read the relationship between the mas romantic although that is not what the show actually provides in black and white terms

interpretation does not equal canon and in this case no matter what anyone says the fact remains that in the cartoon itself they are friends good friends yes but friends all the same

it is definitely not a show about a grown man grooming an adult and if it were you definitely shouldn’t be stanning it the extreme because grooming a minor is wrong and it is apparently a problem in the fandom

anyway if the cartoon and the movie are both products of their time and there was more leniency on content bear in mind this was the same era as notorious animation powerhouse and known predator john k who was a showrunner on ren and stimpy and he maintained a relationship with a teenager which was an open secret that nobody really took issue with because in that time being a woman in the animation industry was tricky business and your career could be ended easily if you rejected advances luckily time has moved forward and the animation industry although still full of problems of a similar nature at least people are getting called out and punished for it

you can look more into that yourself its really upsetting though

as for comics i havent been able to find good scans of them and im not willing to purchase them but in my search i never found anything about the two of them ever being married in the cartoon again because she is a child i did find a cover where he appears to be getting married and hes asking lydia to get him out of it but im not sure where the comic actually goes all i know is she is standing off to the side shrugging and looking like she doesnt really care

anyway that brings us to the musical which is set in the modern day 

in the original libretto lydia is described as thirteen but since they got an actress who was older in the updated librettos she is listed as 15 and the story is pretty similar to the movie the young girl befriends ghosts and they try to scare her family out etc etc

the major difference between the film and the musical are that lydia and beetlejuice are more like friends like in the cartoon 

she summons him to help scare after the maitlands attempt doesnt really work so he shows up and they have fun terrorizing people together however she drops him for the opportunity to perhaps get her mom back but when no one will help she goes back to beetlejuice who tricks her into almost exorcising barbara

she agrees to marry him in order to stop the exorcism and he only wants to get married so he can be alive again and cause problems on the mortal coil like in the movie in the musical he states several times its a green card thing whihc obviously doesnt make it okay but still

anyway lydia tricks him and runs off into the underworld before the wedding can happen blah blah blah she goes back blah blah and she agrees to go through with the wedding to save her friends and family with a plan to make him go away for good

theres a very tongue and cheek song called creepy old guy which points out how wrong the whole thing is but everyone is going along with it in a very comedic matter and it includes the line 

i cant believe some cultures think this kind of things alright

basically saying yeah this is very very wrong anyway they do get married and beeltjeuice is alive for like 6 seconds before lydia stabs him to death with bad art and he dies thus nullifying the marriage because death do you part etc

so in the musical no at the end of the show they are not canon because he is dead their marriage is nullified and they go their separate ways

anyway sorry about that i just need to make it very clear that these three properties are all very distinct from each other and basically all three are indeed canon since they are publicized material and arguing the validity of which one is pointless editors note all actresses who played with the exception of dana steingold were minors for the majority of their runs as lydia with sophia ann caruso the originator of the role turning 18 during the run and dana being in her late twenties presley ryan however was a minor the whole time and still is one

tldr no they aren’t canon but to the credit of some people in this fandom their interpretation isnt too far of a stretch thanks to the era and some of the writers wishing to imply a relationship between an adult and a child

i also need to address how this is all a big deal and i suggest you take a peak through my discourse tag and check out @leedia‘s blog to see some of the more harmful things done by beetlebabe shippers

the beetlejuice fandom is home to many minors after the musical came out since musical fandom is vast and the ages of its members varies and normalizing pedophilia is harmful to them not to mention the people who have been effected by sexual harassment at the hands of adults

both sides have victims of csa but one side continues to perpetuate the cycle by showing time and time again that this behavior is normal and easily romanticized in the name of coping and literally anyone who has ever been to a good and credible therapist could tell you that posting cp even if it is simulated cp isnt a really good way to cope and you can get mad at me for saying that its totally fine but and im going to remove my character veil here for just a second as a csa survivor myself i think its harmful to not only myself but many others ok the veil is back down

tldr again there is a lot of bullying and harassment going on with both sides having their own issues but there is one side whos issues run a bit deeper in my humble opinion 

thank you for your question it allowed me to talk a lot you are welcome to discuss further with me in dms if you wish i honestly recommend giving the musical a listen because it is very fun and despite what some people say its very clever and if you get a chance to see a boot of it its visually stunning

one last note that i couldnt really fit in here but a large portion of the beetlebabes shipping community ignore the musical because it openly condemns the idea of beeltejuice and lydia having a relationship and a lot of the antis take issue with much of the writing and characterizations of the cartoon just a note that i think is important since were talking about canon

[darkelite020]

Bad Batch thoughts & predictions Ep 12

Continuing these written reactions/predictions somewhere cause itd be fun I think to see what actually ends up happening and remembering what I thought at the time so im dumping it here, youre welcome. (Feel free to discuss if you want) if you want to keep up with it im gonna be tagging these as #jay rambles about bb

- So I sort of expected it by the end of last episode but it seems like last episode was a start of an episode arc about hera's family, which, for rebel's fans I'm sure it's cool and exciting and maybe answers some questions or will actually show things discussed in rebels maybe, but as someone who hasn't seen rebels yet, I really hope this episode and the next few have more bad batch screentime, cause we were a little robbed last episode lol (but in a way I do still enjoy this stuff too, because im sure when I DO watch rebels it'll make the experience better). -- I'm not disliking this arc or anything, but up to this point we've kind of had almost mandalorian style 'one episode one adventure' sorts of episodes, and personally I really hope we get more of that (which I think we will), because while this is all new content and everything, we all have to admit clone wars had some less interesting filler arcs here and there, and I just hope bb doesn't fall the same way (across all of its seasons, im not very concerned about it so far from what we've seen of season 1) because if there is filler, I'd rather sit through a couple of the one episode stories, rather than a 3-4 episode story that takes nearly a month to get through if im disliking it, mostly for the fact that even if we got those 1 ep fillers, its more stories and more likely I'd like at least one. ---kinda rambling about this unnecessarily atm cause while again right now I think bb is fine, I just want the future to be that way too. - fffff every time I see howzer on screen I think of that fucking audio thats "here comes the boy, hello boy~" and honestly can you blame me he is so precious like ugh I swear dave you better be nice to him -- YOU CAN TELL HE FEELS SO BAD AND GUILTY LIKE IT HURTS - hey admiral can you not be MEAN to howzer when he is trying to be fucking helpful -- ;-; BRO im saying it so much already but I feel so bad for howzer like dude someone help him --- imo it feels like its sort of setting up howzer for something more important in the show kinda, at least for his character. Like we can clearly tell he doesn't really agree with the empire and I think they're going to do something with that. He's probably undercover for someone against the empire but I get the bad feeling they're gonna pull a Fives and have him go against the empire and help everyone else somehow but then he will probably end up dead because we cant have nice things. - hello cross... bet you wont be saved this episode - Ok good, some more bad batch here already. -- ALSO GONKY BEING DEFECTIVE!!!! EVEN GONKY IS DEFECTIVE LIKE BB THATS SO CUTE! - uh, im not the only one getting the leia transmission vibes from hera, right? -- ok, again I haven't seen rebels so I dont know BUT if hera has the ability to talk to bb, couldn't she have done so in rebels? Yeah she's older and im sure better at fighting and defending herself and all that, but wouldn't it still be possible for her to have gotten in some kind of rough situation in Rebels to ask for bb's help again? I super doubt bb made any appearance of any kind in Rebels, so doesn't that imply that she lost communications with them? What happens to bad batch >> - bad batch not wanting to help but because omega really wants to you can see its making hunter soften up and I appreciate it - bruh what??? Taa is dead af, like theres no way the show is gonna pull some magic and be like 'oh yep here he is' thing??? Like this has to be a lie, but even then, what even is the plan here?? Saying "oh hes recovering" well he can't be recovering forever, how does that seem like a good plan to lie about that?? People are gonna find out?? - "Great just what we need" from Wrecker about crosshair MAKES ME ANGRY LIKE??? YES?? DONT BE MAD AT HIM ITS NOT HIS FAULT??? SAVE YOUR FUCKING BOY??? -- oooo then the rest of bb doesn't comment about it literally gsjrkgbdkfbg why do they not care about him???? Like it seems they legitimately dont care about crosshair, even though theyve been together for so long like even before the show came out they

had history together and were all really close. I know people argue "oh well its just difficult to save him and its unrealistic for them right now" but so what? Even if they aren't trying to save him they should at least CARE about him. --- Which is also like the thing with echo and fives!!!! Like Echo didn't seem to care much at all when Rex mentioned fives even a little! Or even about seeing Rex that much!! Dave I'm gonna need some answers my guy, cause you humanized these characters but then you dont make them act that way so like whats up. - Lucky hunters abilities came in handy - Back to crosshair for a second im predicting they 100% arent saving him this season. There was a poster released part way through the season and he's not even on it... makes me so sad. - "I'd do the same for you." ;-; that didnt need to get that deep - CROSSHAIR BETTER NOT START SHIT WITH HOWZER - Howzer helping Hera's parents or at least implying that is good but that also means im right so far and therefore worried >> -- HES GOING TO GET FUCKING CAUGHT I BET TALKING TO THEM LIKE THIS AT SOME POINT AND HOW MUCH DO YOU WANNA BET ITS GONNA BE CROSSHAIR THAT CATCHES HIM --- Cham stfu its literally so obvious that howzer is trying to be genuine, also if he's kind of undercover for him like what the fuck do you expect howzer to do if he has to play along with the empire to keep his cover?? "Won't make that mistake again" Fuck off like honestly. ---- #stopbeingmeantohowzer2021 - "A little help" and the gentle "Hey" ahh love it - I'm really enjoying this whole them fighting in the ships sequence - "Stay here and guard the capitol" SCARES ME -- Please for the love of god bad batch don't get howzer killed --- or plot B Bad batch maybe run into howzer but save him and take him with you at least temporarily ---- oh god.... bb is helping heras parents escape and that means howzers gonna get in trouble.../probably replaced by crosshair - Crosshair is smart but thats also badddd - The scene of howzer and crosshair looking at each other is killing meeeeeeeee - Ohhh is howzer gonna stop them before they go out the door? -- YES HE IS SEE WHAT A GOOD BOY HE IS - (please fucking listen to him I beg) - Aw dude I just had a thought that breaks my heart... howzer cares about his squad and "trying to get through to them" but what if his squad is clones as well and the chips... that hurts me so badly... -- Like we all know howzer is a sweet boy by now but ughhh like the thought that he doesnt want to leave them even though they are doing whats wrong shows just how much he cares and I really hope he doesn't get into trouble because of what he's saying to them, but you know he totally would do it because he seems to care about them so much and :( bad batch more like sad batch --- This is the kind of compassion I wanted from bb for crosshair hunter kind of looks back at howzer as they leave him and I doubt itll mean anything but I really hope that maybe seeing how much howzer cares will make hunter care a little too... - *sigh* howzer is getting left behind by them which we know why but yeah... now he's definitely going to be in trouble... I just hope they don't hurt him... - OH GOD HOWZER BABY DONT -- He's making a speech and I know he's trying to sway them but you know damn well this is gonna go so badly for him because of the chips and crosshair is watching so you know howzer is gonna get fucked here and I know what hes trying for but I really wish he didnt just do that because now its blatantly obvious he's gonna be against them ;-; - Wow ok im kinda shocked people are siding with him (I guess cause theyre not all clones right) but I feel so bad for themmmmm - Crosshair missed multiple shots? Uh what? I didnt think that was possible lol - bb please come back for howzer and the others at some point.... -- I guess maybe if hera's parents are going to organize rebels against the empire maybe they will help them but I somewhat doubt it... - Ok I know that crosshair requesting to hunt them was supposed to be this big moment and all but I

can't help but feel like its a little underwhelming (but dont get me wrong still cool vibes) because he's kind of already been doing that anyway?? Or has tried to several times?? So I don't get why its a big deal, however, I do have a possible prediction: We know that bb got their chips removed, (crosshair doesn't, I know that) and so that eliminates the idea that they will get caught and actually go bad like crosshair, but it does leave a possibility where maybe they get captured and then *pretend* to be bad? And that could lead to a better possibility of helping crosshair (they wont) or maybe howzer and the other rebels or something? Cause I also feel like its significant that they brought up how the war will eventually come to them and bb will be a part of it no matter what eventually, and it makes obvious sense theyd be on the rebels side of it, so maybe something like that goes on, idk.

[lillupon]

So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?

[imagines-for-the-fangirls-soul]

Return to Me - Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-One: Come Home With Me

A/N: I’m sorry that every chapter I bring you heartbreak, dear reader. Alas, this is where this chapter shall take us again. I hope you all enjoy, and just because I haven’t said it in a while, this story will have a happy ending! Thank you for sticking with me thus far, and please don’t be too mad as I drag you through a few more rough spots. Let me know what you think, if you want to be tagged, anything! Love you all! 

Pairing: Poe Dameron Word Count: 3,426 Synopsis: After discovering the reader’s location, Poe takes off immediately to bring her back where she belongs.

Tag List:  @xeniarocks, @too-many-baes, @araceli91103, @idocarealot, @treblebeth, @treestarrrrrrrr, @thescarletknight2014, @charlottie2998, @ibikus, @mellow-f1, @mrsdaamneron, @trustme3-13, @missjess71, @ella-solei, @minelskede, @gleigh42, @usuallyweepingnacho, @givemethatgold, @and-claudia, @constantdisgrace, @wordsinwinters, @readingvogueonprivetdrive, @trshbb, @kaitlynw011, @ihave2muchtimeonmyhands, @fairytalesforever, @thanos-jeep, @mixedfandxms, @pastelbunny1501, @emotionalcal, @danicalifxrnia, @getyourselfaunicorn, @spider-starry, @jimhalpertcanbuymelove, @angelicaxhouston, @roserrys, @blushingwueen, @americasass-romanoff, @commondazy, @throughparisallthroughrome, @ms-dont-care , @bubblegumcat229 , @barnesdameron​

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

“I’m going to get her,” Poe said, shaking his wet head. Once he heard the news, he raced to his quarters to shower and change, not expecting that anyone would fight him for the role of bringing you back.

“Why? If she wanted to hear from you, she would have reached out to you, not to me,” Nové argued.

“She only did that so you would leave her alone! You kept messaging her.”

“At least I was trying to find her!” Nové yelled, staring up at him. It had been Nové’s millions of messages that finally broke you, making you respond to her that you were fine and to be left alone. After descrambling your heavily encrypted transmission, they pinpointed that you were on Taris.

“I’m going to get her,” he said firmly.

“I think it would be better if I went,” she said. Poe sighed, looking into her eyes. “I need to apologize, too.”

“I have more experience with this, I know how to get in and get out.”

“Oh, so you’ll drown the place she’s staying in, too?” Nové asked. Poe opened his mouth to argue as Leia stepped back into the room.

“Enough,” she said tiredly. “Y/N doesn’t want to be found, nor come back. Whoever goes to get her has got to do a lot of convincing. I’m afraid,” she said, looking to Nové, “Poe would be better suited.” She rolled her eyes in response.

“Come on!”

“We’ve got to act before she moves again. Y/N still loves Poe, I know that,” she said, glancing over at Poe. “She left because of what Henri and Osira did to them, I think he is the one who can convince her to come back.”

“Fine,” Nové said, folding her arms across her chest. “But when he fails, I’m going to get her.” Leia sighed.

“Fine. Now, enough arguing and let’s get her back. No flooding this time,” she said, looking to Poe.

“Understood, General.” She gave him a nod as he walked down to the hangar, Nové at his feet, telling him how much better she’d be for this mission. He walked up to his X-Wing, sighing as Nové started on another rant about how much his X-Wing stood out, and if they wanted stealth, they should send her.

“Nové,” he said, turning to look back at her with wide eyes. She seemed to understand what he was asking before he even could say it. She sighed.

“Just, get her back,” she said.

“I will.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

The regular rattle of passing freighters woke you from your sleep. Taris was noisy, much noisier than Naboo, even noisier than Coruscant had been on the day you visited. But you were in the lower levels of the planet where smugglers and thieves lived among the lower class of the planet.

It was dark and dirty in the one room you had rented, but it was secluded. No one would come look for you here. Of all the places you had hidden out since your running away, this one felt the safest. At least, the safest from the First Order and the Resistance who were both scouring the galaxy for you. You kept a blaster by your bed and had fitted locks to the door to keep the unwelcome from trying to break in, which they did.

You showered and changed for the day, into one of the few outfits you had traded for one of the elaborate gowns you had taken with you. You had spent the day before scavenging a crashed ship for parts, and today you were going to try and sell what you found for a few credits.

When you ran away, the first place you went to was back to Naboo, but into the Gungan underworld. The Gungan representative, Jobee Qod, let you stay for a few days and gave you some credits for your travels. You couldn’t stay anywhere for long. You drew attention to yourself. Any place that was good for hiding out, getting lost, already had their needed number of recluses, they didn’t need anymore. The more poking they did into who you were, the quicker you had to leave.

As you stepped out of your room, you looked through the thick fog that covered this level of the planet, making sure that no one was there to stop you from travelling lower to the smuggler you had become acquainted with a few days before. Just as you were about to take a step, you saw something strange parked far off.

Peering closer, you saw that it was an X-Wing, too shiny to belong to anyone around here, with a bright orange droid in the back.

“Fuck,” you said, turning back to your room. You had to leave now. You started to grab the few things you had strewn across the room when you heard someone clear their throat. You reached for the blaster at your hip when you remembered you left it next to your bed.

“Looking for this?”

“Poe,” you said, looking up at him, standing by the now opened window next to your bed. You stood carefully, watching him. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” he asked with a laugh, tossing the blaster down on your bed, “I’m here for you.”

“Why?”

“Y/N,” he said with a scoff, moving closer to you. You took a step back. “You need to come home.”

“I’m not coming home,” you said, shaking your head. “My home is here now.” Poe looked around the room, nodding his head.

“Love what you’ve done with the place.”

“Shut up,” you said, walking past him to pull your few things out of the closet. You began packing them into a bag when you felt his hand on your hip.

“Y/N,” he said again, his voice softer than before. You turned to look at him, your chests only a few inches apart.

“Why are you here?” you asked quietly. Tears had begun to threaten in your eyes. You couldn’t look at him anymore, and instead focused on his chest.

“Why are you here?” he asked, bringing up your chin to look at him, his movement soft.

“Did you really expect me to go back to Naboo after everything?”

“No,” he said, moving an inch closer to you, taking your hands in his, “I expected you to stay with me.” His eyes were warm and gentle, and for a moment, you almost let them win and bring you into him, until you remembered your fight.

“I thought you were mad at me,” you said, pulling away and walking to the other side of your tiny room. “Because of Lin Ral.”

“I don’t care that you kissed him,” he said, walking towards you slowly. “Suralinda and I did more than that.” You recoiled slightly.

“Did you come here to tell me that?”

“No,” he said softly. “I just need to tell you the truth, so that you know I’m not lying when I say we need you to come back. I need you to come back.”

“You fucked Sura?” you asked, ignoring the sweetness in his voice. He sighed and nodded his head. “I knew it,” you said, pointing in his face.

“What?” he asked with a laugh, a nervous one, but still a laugh.

“I knew that you always liked her,” you said stubbornly, sitting down on your bed, “And when she blew up at the party . . . Whatever, I just knew.” Poe walked towards you and motioned to the bed, asking permission to sit. You rolled your eyes but nodded.

“Y/N, baby,” he started, his voice low and sweet, “I have always liked Sura, yes. She’s one of my oldest friends. But sleeping with her was one of the dumbest things I ever did, trumped only by letting you go,” he said, bringing your eyes to him. “I was lonely during those years we were apart, but I broke it off because, and I need you to hear me on this,” he said, taking your hands in his, “I love you. With every part of me, I love you, and I need you. Not just for the Resistance, or the Republic, or the million other things that require our help, I just need you with me forever.”

“Poe,” you started, shaking your head.

“If I had my mother’s ring, I’d give it to you now, but—”

“I have it,” you said quietly, distractedly.

“You what?”

“I have the ring still.” You stood up and went to the bedside table, pulling out the ring on a necklace from the drawer.

“You kept it,” he said with a smile, taking the necklace in his hands as you sat back down.

“Of course I did.” He looked you in the eyes, a sweet smile on his face. “I love you, too,” you began, “Those kisses with Lin were stupid and heat of the moment things. I—”

“It’s alright,” he said with a smile. “So, what do you say?” he asked, pulling the ring off of the chain. You looked between him and the ring until it became too much and you covered your face with your hands as you cried. “Y/N,” he said softly, pulling you into his chest, “What is it?”

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to be,” you said, not moving from his chest. “You’re not supposed to be proposing to me again. We’re not supposed to be apart. I’m so sorry for all of this, Poe.”

“Hey, this isn’t your fault,” he said, moving you back so he could look into your eyes.

“I believed them. I should have known that it was just another way to get us away from each other.”

“Y/N, neither of us knew,” he said gently. “It’s not your fault.”

“I couldn’t stay around them. And with everything happening with Broden,” you shook your head. “I’m sorry, for all of it.”

“Me too. If I had done things differently, I would have run after you the second you left that meeting. I was angry, too. Your parents messed up, but that doesn’t mean we can’t fix all of this,” he said, squeezing your hand.

“Us getting married again isn’t going to fix all of our problems,” you said.

“It’d fix the biggest one.” You brushed his cheek.

“I’m not coming back.” He started to talk again but you put a hand over his mouth. “Please, let me finish. There’s no end to this. We defeat the First Order and rebuild the Republic. What happens then? A couple of years from now a new group rises up and we’re back where we were. I’m sick of fighting, Poe. I don’t want to lose you again. If we go back, we’re going to be separated again. I know we will. I don’t know for how long, but I’m not going to risk it. Stay here,” you said, rubbing his arms. “Stay here with me.”

“Stay here?”

“Well, not here,” you said with a laugh, “We can find somewhere else together. Away from everyone.”

“Y/N—”

“Just, think about it, okay?” you asked, scooting closer to him. He sighed, looking at you seriously, but nodded.

“Okay.” You cupped his cheek and brought him to your lips, kissing him gently. He wrapped a firm arm around your waist, keeping you close. He pulled away, your teeth pulling at his lip to keep him close. “This place really is disgusting, you know?”

“You should have seen the place I stayed at on Felucia.”

“You should see my new quarters on Chandrila.”

“Chandrila?” you asked, shaking your head as you moved back, aware that Poe still wasn’t done convincing you just yet.

“Suralinda’s friend came through. We found the perfect base to finally take care of the First Order.”

“Hmm,” you said, nodding your head.

“I think you’d really like it there.”

“Poe.”

“Hey, I’m thinking about staying. Promise me you’ll think about coming back.”

“Fine.”

That night, after showing Poe around town, you crawled into your tiny bed with him and made passionate love. He fell asleep before you, but his arms still held tight to you. You focused on his eyelashes, moving gently as he dreamed, the outline of his nose, and his wondrous lips. Staring at him then, you almost would have gone with him the next morning.

When you went to sleep, since breaking the bridge between you and Kylo Ren, you dreamt again. But these weren’t just dreams like normal people had. These were visions into his mind or yours, memories that replayed on a horrifying loop. And eventually, these dreams would start to look like the places you were staying, and when that happened, you knew you had to leave. No matter what kind of credits you had, or a location in mind, you had to go, you had to leave until you could get your mind back under control.

That night was no different.

Your dreams started off normally. You were once again running through the fields outside of your childhood home. You turned around and saw Poe running after you, a smile on his face. You played chase with him for a little while, but the next time you looked back the clouds had changed. The sky was dark, the flowers around you dying, and the one chasing you wasn’t Poe, but Broden.

You pulled yourself from that dream, only to be thrown into another. Once again you were staring at Poe, but this time he was strapped to a chair. His face was hot, bloody. He was being tortured. You took a step around the room and saw Kylo Ren standing behind him, his hand outstretched.

“Interesting, isn’t it?” Broden whispered in your ear.

“No!”

You were out of the torture room. You were once again looking at Broden’s face.

“They haven’t found her either,” Kylo Ren said, his voice ruminating from what felt like your own lips.

“No. And as long as you stay in tuned with her mind, we’ll find her first.”

“It would be simpler if she stopped running,” he complained.

“We’ll send her right to us,” Broden said with a small smile. “If we hurt the ones she loves: her handmaidens, her parents, General Organa, or even that precious ex-husband of hers,” he spat, “She’ll have no choice but to come to us.”

You ripped out of your dream, screaming slightly. Sitting up, panting, there was a thick layer of sweat down your back. Poe shot up at your scream and looked at you wide-eyed.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” he asked sleepily, sitting up and beginning to rub your back. You could only shake your head and fall into his chest.

“Did you have another dream?” he asked, leaning to place a kiss to your forehead. You pulled away quickly and got out of bed, your chest heaving with your heavy breaths. “What happened?”

“Nothing, nothing,” you said, waving your hands, “You need to leave.”

“Wh– why?”

“You need to get far away from me,” you sputtered, pacing. Poe tried to approach you, but you kept stepping away. Tears were beginning to flow down your face, and all he wanted to do was comfort you.

“What are you talking about?”

“My mind connected with Kylo Ren's again,” you said carefully. Poe let out a sigh. “He was talking to Broden.”

“What does that have to do with me leaving?”

“They want Naboo and they want me,” you said, pulling away from him. You walked across the room, your hand running through your hair as you tried to find the right words. “And they said they'd use the people I love to get to me.”

“I'm not leaving you,” he said immediately. You laughed bitterly, shaking your head as he approached again.

“There's no choice! I won't let them hurt you, not again. Kylo Ren almost killed you, if Finn hadn't have saved you . . .” you trailed off, not even wanting to think about what could have happened. Poe was silent for a few moments before coming up to you again.

“You can't push me away, Y/N. Not after everything we've been through.”

“We've only been through it because of me. Because I'm manipulable and stupid.”

“You're not. This is Broden's fault and I will kill him for what he's done to you, but you don't have to take the blame.”

“I'm not risking this, Poe.”

“So, what? You’ll go into hiding again? Be alone for the rest of your life?” he asked.

“At least you'd be safe!”

“You're not thinking clearly,” he said, frowning. You took his cheeks in your hand and smiled sadly at him. You loved him so much. You had the moment you met, and you were sure you would until the day you died, but war isn't a time for love.

“I've never been surer of a decision. When Kylo Ren tortured you, he was looking for information about me, wasn't he?” He sighed and put his hands over yours.

“A little.”

“And what did he find?”

“Nothing, really. I hadn't seen you in two years.”

“I can’t fight him off like I used to. The closer we’ve grown,” you said, taking his hand with a frown, “The more of a risk we become to each other. Think of what he could find now, if you were captured again. You might not be able to escape this time.”

“I'm not discussing this,” he said firmly.

“And I can’t lose you,” you said.

“Then don’t go away. Stay with me. Come back to the Resistance. We’ll keep fighting.” You sighed, looking into his eyes.

“Poe—”

“We’re better together, we’ve always been.”

“We always were,” you corrected. “I’m not going to go back and watch you get killed. I know you won’t come with me,” you said, shaking your head as the tears continued to stream down your face, “You love the Resistance, and if you need to go back, you have to do it without me.”

“Please don’t do this again,” he said, equally upset and annoyed.

“The First Order doesn’t want us together, maybe there’s a reason for that.” He shook his head.

“You think you’re manipulable? What are they going to think when you roll over at the first sign of danger?”

“Sign of danger? All of our lives have been nothing but signs of danger! The entire time we were together, I would wake up in cold sweats when you were gone, worried about if you would ever come back. I can’t put myself through that again. And I won’t let the First Order get me. I’m afraid I don’t have a choice.”

“No, you’re just afraid,” he said, shaking his head. You sighed and looked at him painfully. “Are you ever going to come back to me?” he asked weakly.

“I don’t think in this life,” you said with a sad smile. He nodded.

“Alright.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but he only shook his head. He slammed the door shut on his way out, leaving you alone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Poe didn’t want to talk to anyone as he departed his ship. He didn’t even tell BB-8 what happened, and the little droid had asked a lot. He just wanted to get back to his chambers and forget everything that had just happened. He had almost gotten to the hall of his quarters when Leia called out to him.

“Poe,” she said gently, clearly noticing that you weren’t with him. He sighed and looked back at her.

“I’m sorry, General,” he said, facing her. “Turns out you were wrong. I wasn’t the one who could convince her to come back. I don’t think anyone is.”

“But—”

“You were right about one thing, though. I thought she loved me, too. Turns out she loves me so much, she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

[cryptidshuffle]

the less we say about it the better - chp 1

ao3

Rating: Teen Fandom: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman (pre relationship) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Temporary Character Death(its benrey dont worry hes ok), meta about deaths and respawns, arguing about the rules of uno, gay pining, Mutual Pining, fellas is it gay to comfort ur friend who u love and are both boys?, also fair warning it'll eventually be a poly ship with benrey, Autistic Character, Autistic Tommy, ADHD Gordon, everyone is gay and trans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: “after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental break downs.” they are trying to recover after black mesa, but recovery is hard. especially when one of you is still dead

---------------

They had been out of Black Mesa for a few weeks now. It was difficult trying to acclimate to life after the incident, but they were all making it work.

The science team had gotten together for some sort of game night, something cathartic about being around others who share the same trauma. Anyways, snacks and Uno was just as chaotic as one would imagine with this group of chucklefucks, with competitive tensions high on the last round of the night.

“You can’t stack the draw 4 cards, Gordon,” Bubby argued, smacking Gordon’s hand just as he placed the card.

“Says who?”

“It’s literally against the fucking rules of the game,” Bubby said back.

Tommy agreed with, “It is in the official rules, Mr. Freeman, they- Mattel confirmed it on Twitter.”

“But that’s dumb!” Gordon argued back, “I’ve always played where you can stack those, why change that now?"

Bubby retorted, “Well maybe you’ve always been playing wrong, huh? Ever thought about that, smartass?”

Dr. Coomer chimed in with, “Well on the official page for Uno (card game) on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, it states that

The following official house rules are suggested in the Uno rulebook, to alter the game:

Progressive Uno: If a draw card is played, and the following player has the same card, they can play that card and "stack" the penalty, which adds to the current penalty and passes it to the following player.[4](Although a +4 cannot be stacked on a +2, or vice versa.)[6] This house rule is so commonly used that there was widespread Twitter surprise in 2019 when Mattel stated that stacking was not part of the standard rules of Uno.[6]”

“Well, there you have it,” Gordon exclaims, interrupting Coomer’s Wikipedia infodump, “Just because it’s a house rule doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate way of playing."

“What if I don’t want to play with that rule, that’s fuckin stupid,” Bubby grumbles.

“Jesus ok, I'll play a different card, happy?” Gordon says dejectedly, taking back his controversial draw 4 card for a more innocuous one. “It’s your turn anyways.”

Bubby throws down his last card onto the pile. “I win fuckers!!!! Ahahahahaha!"

“You wouldn’t have won if you let me stack the fucking cards,” Gordon said as he threw his losing card pile onto the coffee table.

“Don’t fret Gordon! Bubby is just extremely good at card games,” Dr. Coomer replied.

“You're forgetting I’m a goddamn genius, that extends to my sick-ass Uno skills,” Bubby bragged.

Gordon chuckled, watching the two older scientists get up to leave, and watching Tommy remain, quietly cleaning up the uno deck into neat piles to place in its box.

“Well gentlemen, it’s been fun, though I think it’s time Bubby and I better get going!” Dr. Coomer said.

“No problem, don’t want you two to be late for your old man early-bird breakfast at Golden Corral tomorrow!” Gordon teased.

“Shut the fuck- I’ll kick your ass,” said Bubby.

“Hello Gord- Actually our old man breakfast is not until Saturday! It’s the one day a week I let loose and unhinge my jaws at the buffet like a Burmese Python!” said Dr. Coomer as Bubby grabs his coat and keys.

“That sounds absolutely horrifying,” Gordon laughs.

“It really is,” says Bubby. “Well, see you later asshole,” Bubby says, herding himself and Coomer out the front door.

“See you guys later,” Gordon says.

“Goodbye, Gordon! Goodbye, Tommy,” Coomer also says, before they leave Gordon’s apartment.

Tommy had yet to get up to leave, he stayed sitting in his seat staring into space, and fiddling with the Uno card deck.

“Hey Tommy, you alright man?” he asked gently. At the mention of his name, he was shaken a bit out of his stupor.

“Y-yeah I'm fine Mr. Freeman, why do you ask?”

“I mean you were kinda just staring into space for a bit, and you didn’t say anything when Bubby and Coomer left.”

“Oh shit. Sorry about that, I’ll get out of your hair,” Tommy said, starting to move to leave.

Gordon placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Hey, if something’s bothering you, just know I’m here if you wanna talk about it,” Gordon comforted.

Tommy blushed slightly at the contact and nodded.

“Thank you. I-uh… I’ve just been thinking about things that happened back in Black Mesa and, you know,” he pauses to think for a bit, and sighs, “honestly I’ve been thinking a lot about Benrey.”

Just at the mention of him, Gordon felt his stomach drop with the weight of too many emotions.

“Yeah...I uh… I understand,” he responds with a sad sigh, “anything in particular you’re thinking about him?”

“I don’t know just kind of- Earlier I started thinking about how much he would enjoy game night. And then I started to miss him and realize that- that he’s not here. I feel guilty about killing him and upset at what he did. He was still my friend and I just- I want to know why he did what he did. I just want to understand,” Tommy said.

Gordon looked away as he thought about his own emotions regarding Benrey. He was undeniably angry with him, for getting him ambushed by the bootboys, for getting his arm cut off, frustrated with the constant taunting. Yet… he also felt guilty for some reason and he couldn’t quite place why. Gordon really didn’t want to feel guilty.

“Yeah…” Gordon sighed, “I'll be honest I do feel guilty about it too. I don’t know why because I feel like it should be justified since he did try to kill us. But there were times when him pestering me about my arm felt like… like sincere questioning? I still… I don’t know.”

“Yeah… I think-” Tommy cut himself off, staring at a fixed point in his vision, trying to decide whether or not to bring this up.

“I don’t think Benrey understood how human mortality worked.”

Well, that wasn’t what Gordon expected. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he was from Xen, Mr. Freeman, he wasn’t human. It was different for him. You remember he did die several times, but he came back eventually. He had to wait for his form to regenerate.”

“Wait-” this time Gordon cut Tommy off, “Oh shit, that wasn’t a joke?  For some reason I just assumed his talking about respawns and shit was part of his Epic Gamer bit?”

“I mean it was a little but I think… there’s probably a reason Benrey attached himself to video games so much, yeah? He can see himself in the structure. Like, uh- something he can relate to.” Tommy says. “It doesn’t excuse what- what he did, but I feel like knowing why things happened makes- makes them more understandable.”

Gordon leaned back on the couch blown away by the revelation. In hindsight it wasn’t that surprising but it took him a few seconds to come to terms with the reality.

“Yeah, when you put it that way, I guess it does make a lot of sense. Wait though, I swear to god all of you have died at least once, but you guys aren’t from Xen?” Gordon said, now confused about the seeming metanarrative of the mortality of his friends.

“Yeah, but those were weird Black Mesa things, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, not elaborating any more than that.

Gordon waited a beat for Tommy to explain more but he said all he needed to.

“I will ask you more about that later, but I do not have the energy to unpack all that right now,” Gordon said with a gentle laugh.

“Wait, getting back on topic real quick, why couldn’t Benrey just... respawn now? Did we really get him that good?”

Tommy looked incredibly sad when Gordon said this, and he regretted it immediately.  ‘Damn it Gordon, Tommy’s clearly upset about Benrey, you don’t gotta be an insensitive dick.’

“Well Mr. Freeman, that’s kinda why I’ve been thinking about him,” Tommy said, “I’m not sure. It shouldn’t have taken him this long to respawn. Depending on the amount of damage it takes longer but… It’s been a while and what if- What if he is back but he is mad at all of us and that’s why we haven’t seen him? Or what if it is taking a really long time because we hurt him a whole lot. Or what if we…”

Tommy got quiet for a few seconds, the silence in the room was deafening. For an instance Gordon felt as if making a sound would shatter the air like glass.

Tommy finally said with a whisper, voice thick with choking back tears, “What if we killed him for good? And I don’t- I never see him again?”

It honestly broke Gordon’s heart how distraught Tommy was. Pushing his own complicated Benrey feelings aside, he was gonna focus on Tommy here and now.

“…Tommy, is it ok if I hug you, man?” Gordon couldn’t think of the best way to comfort the other man with words, but physical comfort he could do.

Tommy looked a little surprised at this ask but nodded. Gordon leaned in to hug the other scientist and Tommy collapsed in his embrace, completely breaking down.

Gordon just sat there and held him as Tommy sobbed into his shoulder, trying to comfort the crying man by rubbing circles into his back.

Gordon’s brain processed the things Tommy had said. Was Benrey really gone? Why did he feel guilty about the idea of having killed Benrey, he was fine with the concept during the final boss fight on Xen but now… the thought made him feel… sad? Regretful? Even his seemingly rational justifications didn’t seem as clear at the moment, only thinking of his fonder memories with Benrey.

‘Fuck this,’ he thought as he felt his own tears well up, ‘this isn’t about me, I need to focus on being there for Tommy,’ pushing his own feelings to the back of his mind to be dealt with later.

Tommy eventually calmed down enough where his sobs turned into sniffles, and he started to pull away from the hug.

“S – sorry for having a – a breakdown on your- on your couch Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, the post-crying mental fog making his stuttering more noticeable. Tommy didn’t really have the effort in him to care.

“Don’t worry about it, man, after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental breakdowns,” Gordon joked trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh, that was nothing, Mr. Freeman, in terms of mental breakdowns that was as mild as a first-grade pizza party in the eye of a hurricane,” Tommy compared in a way that made little sense to Gordon, yet ridiculous enough to cause the man to burst out laughing.

“Alright I’ll take your word for it,” Gordon said, still laughing.

“I’m serious Mr. Freeman, once you have a meltdown so intense that you accidentally teleport yourself to an inter-dimensional void, the rest is a cake walk at the school fair,” Tommy said.

“Waitwaitwait- teleport?” he leaned back to look at him in surprise, “Since when could you fuckin teleport!” Gordon asked caught off guard.

“You know, learned some things from my Dad,” Tommy said, again failing to further explain himself.

“…Well alright. Yeah that tracks.”

Gordon was quiet for a moment before responding with, “You know, Tommy, I want you to know I’m here for you if you need anyone to talk to. You were there for me when I was at my lowest in Black Mesa, and I wanna be that friend to you if you need it,” he said giving the other scientists hand a comforting squeeze.

Tommy smiled, “Thank you, that means a lot Mr. Freeman.”

“You know you can call me Gordon, you don’t have to be so formal all the time Dr. Coolatta,” he teased.

Tommy blushed, ‘dammit why did he have to be so cute?’

“Wow Mr. Fr – Gordon are you really gonna make fun of my doctorate that I worked very hard for,” Tommy teased back, still a bit sniffly from crying.

“Dude, I cannot imagine you in college for some reason, what was your doctorate even in” asked Gordon, semi-jokingly, but still a bit serious.

Tommy laughed a bit, wiping the remaining tears away with the back of his hand. “Bio-chemical engineering. Creating Sunkist was for my thesis project.” Normally Tommy would be more then willing to infodump about the topic but he found his energy to be draining fast.

“What the fuck, that’s cooler than mine was. Us nerds in the Theoretical Physics department didn’t do any crazy shit like that,” Gordon said.

“Bold of you to assume I was a nerd, G-Gordon. I was the craziest guy in the frat house,” Tommy said.

Gordon’s memory vaguely recalls Tommy’s insistence that he “do something crazy” when drinking Darnold’s Potion of Grow Gun Arm.

“You know what, yeah, surprisingly I can see that image vividly in my head,” Gordon said. “Real talk though…” he said changing the subject and putting his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, “Are you- uh, ok? Like feeling better?”

Tommy was quiet for a second, eyes flickering down to look at his fidgeting hands in his lap, before replying with, “I’m ok. N-not great, I don’t think, but I will be.”

Gordon nodded. “Tommy, if there’s one nugget of wisdom that I have to share, it’s that healing takes time, things usually turn out to be ok in the end. No matter what’s going on with Benrey…it'll be alright, I’m sure.” Gordon patted his shoulder for emphasis, “not the best advice out there but it’s the best I can come up with straight off the dome. And I don’t wanna seem like I didn’t try to help you out."

Tommy laughed gently, “Thank you Mr. Fr- uh, thank you Gordon. You did help. Even if- if your advice was a bit cheesy.”

“Whatever man, you can’t blame me for trying,” Gordon laughed, playfully shoving Tommy where his hand had previously rested on the other man’s shoulder. Tommy laughed in return. He only noticed the warmth of Gordon’s touch once it was gone.

Tommy absentmindedly noticed the time on the wall clock in Gordon’s apartment. Jesus, 11:30? When did it get so late? The older scientist really hoped he wasn’t overstaying his welcome; While he would love to just stay here and joke around, he had already bothered Mr. Freeman enough and was already exhausted.

“I- I’m probably gonna head back home now, I didn’t realize how late it was,” Tommy said, standing up from his spot next to Gordon.

Gordon nodded. He had the passing thought of offering for Tommy to stay but… maybe that was a step too far. ‘Tommy probably wants his space,’ Gordon rationalized to himself.

He nodded, “Alright, don’t let me keep you,” he said, getting up as well to help Tommy gather his belongings. Which, to be honest Tommy didn’t bring much but some snacks for the group, but Gordon just needed an excuse to do anything.

Gordon walked Tommy to the front door of his apartment, like the good host he was, opening the door for him.

“Thanks for coming over Tommy,” he said.

Tommy nodded. “Thank- thank you again for letting me talk about Benrey, I know it was kinda rough there at the end, but if you ever need to talk about anything… I'm here for you as well.”

Gordon smiled, “Thank you Tommy, I'll keep that in mind.”

Tommy smiled in return, “Have a good night G-Gordon,” he said turning to head to his car.

“Goodnight Tommy.” Gordon turns to head back inside, but before he does, he can’t resist one more jab.

“Thought you could teleport?” he calls out teasingly.

Tommy flips him off, which causes Gordon to laugh harder. “Gives me a headache,” Tommy called back, trying and failing keep a straight face.

Gordon laughs as he waves a final goodbye, turning back inside and closing the door after Tommy waves as well. His thoughts race as he gets ready for bed, trying to ignore his fluttering heartbeat as he lays down for the night.

Tommy shuffles his thoughts in his head as he drives home. The emotional rollercoaster of his already draining social interaction meter from the science team, his Benrey guilt, and his small crush on Gordon was just too much for one day. His hands clench and unclench the steering wheel, looking forward to collapsing in bed for the night, hoping his dad won’t notice he'd been crying.

Somewhere, in an interdimensional void far away from this reality, someone begins to shift awake.